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oh-stars · 8 months

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Recognition

Love is showing up when someone doesn’t ask.

a @steddielovemonth prompt | 1257 words | CW: N/A | Rating: G

“What time will you be home?” Eddie asks, perched on the couch like a bird, elbows on his knees and sitting on his heels, toes straining under his weight. He feels like a little gremlin, body needing a way to expel all the energy his boring day off built up while Steve’s been at work.

Steve sighs and adjusts his tie in the mirror by the door. “If all goes well, eight?”

Eddie groans and falls back, limbs flailing. “If they expect you to go to school after hours, they should at least pay you,” he says, face squished into the fabric. It’s miserable being on different schedules. He’s been working at the plant until the construction is done on his shop, which means weird hours and being completely off rhythm with Steve. He barely sees the man!

“Tell me something I don’t know,” Steve huffs as he smooths down his shirt, walking towards him. He carefully bends over to kiss Eddie’s pouting lips, laughing at him. God, Eddie’s so glad this man is his. He’s too precious to let go. “I’d stay if I could,” Steve says softly. “You know I hate going to these things.”

Eddie sighs, giving him a small smile as he touches up the few strands of Steve’s hair that were betrayed by his hairspray. “I know,” he says. “I could always come with you.”

Steve shakes his head, cheeks pink. “Thank you, but you, uh, really don’t want to go to a boring PTA meeting. All they’re going to do is fight over which classroom should get the crayons.”

“I’d go for you, Steve,” Eddie says. He sighs again and pushes Steve away. “Go so you can get back.”

“I love you,” Steve says, stealing another kiss before he finally stands up.

“Love you too,” Eddie says, smashing his face back into the couch. “I’ll be here, rotting away until you return, my sweet knight.”

Steve shakes his head and grabs his wallet and keys off the coffee table. Then he’s gone, with the rumble of the Beemer and the faint sounds of David Bowie announcing his departure.

Eddie lasts a whole three minutes before he’s shooting up off the couch and pacing around the living room as he thinks of something he could do to occupy his time. He’s done about as much housework as he could manage for the day, he doesn’t think he could practice anymore today or write at all with how depleted his creative juices feel, and he knows nothing good comes on TV on Tuesdays in early January.

That’s how he ends up piddling about Steve’s desk. Steve keeps all his papers that need to be graded meticulously organized, with the ones that are fair game for anyone to grade (aka the ones with scoresheets) in the blue folder. On days where Eddie’s brain was too much, when he couldn’t even look at his guitar without feeling pain or pick up his pencil to be creative in any fashion, he needed something to do to get the excess brain energy out. Robin’s much the same way, so Steve started setting aside his pop quizzes and multiple choice tests in the blue folder for either of them to grade if they needed. Otherwise, he’d get to it eventually. It’s mindless enough to calm their brains, they feel good helping Steve, and it helps give Steve more time to focus on the essays and presentations that need more time to be graded. It’s a win win all the way around.

The blue folder isn’t as full as normal, but there are a few worksheets Eddie can take care of for Steve. He reaches for the sticker book and the purple pen (Steve’s signature grading color) in the mug Wayne gave him that’s an apple with a little worm for a handle that he uses as a pencil cup. That’s when he sees the PTA flyer. It’s jam-packed with information and minutes from the last meeting, but in big, bold letters at the bottom of the flyer, Eddie reads:

Join us to honor this year’s Teacher of the Year, Mr. Steve Harrington, eighth grade English.

Eddie puts down the blue folder, the pen, and the flyer. He’s still for exactly one minute before his body goes into flight or fight mode. Within ten minutes, he’s dressed in his nice date clothes and his hair is tamed back into a tight bun, threatening to snap the band.

Time crunch or not, he drives like a bat out of hell. He has plenty of time to get to the school, they live close enough, but he needs to make a few stops first. All in all, he gets there right as the principal is starting the meeting.

He tucks himself in a corner in the back, watching the whole thing patiently. The problem is, he can’t really see Steve. Eddie cranes his neck and bounces on his toes, trying to find a way to make it to one of the seats in the center of the auditorium, closer to the stage.

His opening comes after the chorus does a performance, when the parents at the front scurry their students away before the meeting can continue. First off, rude, but it works in Eddie’s favor. Steve’s award is next and Eddie isn’t missing this.

Eddie slips into the front row as the principal starts shifting gears, whispering to the vice principal as the crowd settles.

She announces Steve to a polite applause, but that’s just not good enough for his Steve.

His palms ache with how hard he’s clapping, just shy of letting out a loud ‘whoop’ – and he’d do it if it wasn’t for the pretty way Steve’s face and ears are pinkening up. Their eyes meet as Eddie beams.

“Hi,” he mouths, trying so hard to not vibrate out of the seat.

Steve’s smile softens as he gives a wave of appreciation to the crowd, eyes darting back to Eddie. As the principal sings Steve’s praise and when she hands over the microphone for Steve to say a few words, Steve’s eyes never leave Eddie’s. It isn’t until a few of his students get up to speak that Steve finally looks toward the speaker, his shy smile turning into one of pride. Eddie knows he could care less about the words themselves (it’ll be later tonight that Steve will have a crisis and finally let the kind words sink in, where he’ll cower into Eddie’s body and panic over how much these kids trust him), but rather seeing how brave his kids are for speaking to a crowd this big and doing it so well.

The award is the last part of the meeting, so after another round of applause, everyone is dismissed. Eddie jumps up to meet Steve at the bottom of the stage.

“You didn’t have to come,” Steve says as he jumps down.

“I wanted to,” Eddie says. “I’m proud of you,” he adds as he bumps their shoulders together.

“I’m just doing my job–”

“Stop,” Eddie says kindly, “you deserve this.” He grabs Steve’s hand and gently tugs him toward the exit. “C’mon, I’m taking you to dinner to celebrate.”

“What about my car?”

“I’ll drive you to work tomorrow.”

Steve’s blush is even stronger up close, but he doesn’t fight Eddie. And it’s an absolute privilege to watch as Steve gets all shy again when Eddie presents him with flowers once they’re at the van, stammering his thanks as Eddie kisses his cheek swiftly.

Ao3 Link

Thank you @lady-lostmind 💜

#ohstars fic #steddie #steddie fic #ohstars posting challenge #steddielovemonth #eddie munson #stranger things #steve harrington

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sighed-the-snake · 9 months

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I am listening to I'm Afraid of Americans by David Bowie, and one of the lyrics gave me an idea:

God is an American.

And so is Warlock.

In Good Omens, there are the three boys: Adam, Warlock, And Greasy Johnson.

Crowley and Aziraphale think they are raising the antichrist, but there has been a switcheroo: The antichrist is with a normal family, Warlock is raised under occult influences, and Greasy is the spare who grows up having a normal life alongside Adam.

There is some evidence that Greasy Johnson is the Messiah. (thanks to @thesherrinfordfacility for the great meta!)

But, I started thinking about the ways Neil and Terry subvert our expectations, and God's sense of humor in Good Omens, and a thought struck me:

What if Warlock is the Messiah?

Think about it. Greasy Johnson is connected to fish, like Jesus, sure. But also like a red herring. His purpose in the story is to be a bit of a mystery, a distraction from what's staring us in the face.

What if Aziraphale and Crowley were raising exactly the correct child who needed their influence? It just wasn't the antichrist. It was the Messiah.

Kindle page 62:

Warlock now found himself being educated by two tutors. Mr. Harrison taught him about Attila the Hun, Vlad Drakul, and the Darkness Intrinsicate in the Human Spirit. He tried to teach Warlock how to make rabble-rousing political speeches to sway the hearts and minds of multitudes.

Mr. Cortese taught him about Florence Nightingale,* Abraham Lincoln, and the appreciation of art. He tried to teach him about free will, self-denial, and Doing unto Others as You Would Wish Them to Do to You.

Warlock was exposed at a young age to the pain and darkness in human hearts. He was taught by a demon who's very good at temptation (according to Aziraphale) how to sway the hearts and minds of humanity with his words.

He's taught by an angel about compassion, thinking for himself, and doing the right thing.

These are vital lessons if you're going to be the savior of mankind who needs to convince billions of humans to listen to you.

Names have power in this story. Adam Young is named after the very first human and ends up on the side of humanity.

Harriet Dowling looked at her baby and said, yep, this kid looks like a traitor.

Warlock has not yet lived up to his name. What institution is branding him a traitor? Who is he betraying? What oath is he breaking? What responsibility is he refusing?

Could it be that Heaven shows up to tell him he's Jesus reborn and he has a destiny and Warlock firmly gives them a double-dose of middle fingers?

If Adam the Antichrist is a sweet kid so influenced by humanity that he goes against his nature to save them, is Warlock the Messiah going to be such an insufferable rich kid bratty politician's child that he'll refuse to pass judgement on a single soul because no one tells him what to do? Is he going to use his influence to harness humanity against Heaven and Hell? He's already had a demon for a nanny and grew up with an angel in his garden; he's not afraid of occult forces. Occult forces wiped his bum and told him to love slugs.

Some fun implications here. Jesus being American feels very Terry.

#good omens #good omens meta #warlock dowling #adam young #greasy johnson #God is watching the angels and demons scramble and laughing hysterically #Warlock was raised to be ungovernable lol

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socially-awkward-skeleton · 7 months

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5 Songs, 3 Outfits Tag

tagged by: @thesingularityseries @shellibisshe @voidika @nightbloodbix @g0dspeeed @corvosattano @amalkavian @cloudofbutterflies92 @carlosoliveiraa @kyber-infinitygems @marivenah (thank you all so much <3)

tagging: @dickytwister @jackiesarch @chloekistune @aceghosts @transcaster @thedeadthree @unholymilf @strafethesesinners @adelaidedrubman @florbelles @josephseedismyfather @josephslittledeputy @cassietrn @finding-comfort-in-rain @purplehairsecretlair @clicheantagonist @direwombat @strangefable @roofgeese (no pressure of course)

3 Outfits:

2 pre-reaping outfits, and how she usually looks throughout the entirety of American Beasts

5 songs:

Army of Me - Bjork

You're on your own now, We won't save you

Born Dark - Holy Wars

Came out feeling nothing, No tears in my eyes, Always thought that I was broken

Danger Angel - Larkin poe

Danger angel, Won't listen to your prayers

How Villains are Made - Madalen Duke

There lies my sanity, There goes my mind, I could not save I don't trust what I see right in front of me, I don't know who to betray

Lion - Saint Mesa

You've got fire running down your cheeks, You burn everything you see

3 Outfits:

Rory very much dresses like Victoria Beckham when she's not in the middle of a war zone. she's got that posh, elegant West London style down.

5 Songs:

Teardrop - Massive Attack

Love, love is a verb, Love is a doing word

Call Me - Blondie

Call me, call me any, anytime Call me (Call me) I'll arrive You can call me any day or night

Cat People (Putting Out Fire) - David Bowie

See these eyes, so green, I can stare for a thousand years Just be still with me, You wouldn't believe what I've been through

West End Girls - Pet Shop Boys

You got a heart of glass or heart of stone

Who Are You - SVRCINA

You can't escape, You can't outrun Your DNA, What's in your blood You're not such an easy target

#tagged #oc aesthetics #oc: kit cross #oc: rory sinclair

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fuck-you-upmusicbracket · 9 months

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Space Oddity (David Bowie)

Ground Control to Major Tom/Your circuit's dead, there's something wrong/Can you hear me, Major Tom?/Can you hear me, Major Tom?

"If you've never listened to this song and had a minor mental breakdown, have you even lived? Oh my god.... the stars look very different today... THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG CAN YOU HEAR ME MAJOR TOM"

Poll Runner: Yeah so, has anyone here ever read Wonder?

Lower One's Eyes (Nuyuri)

I wonder how many times I’ll be made to remember it again/It’s only us/If we are to be separated, if we are to lose our way/I’ll make sure we’ll be connected this time, no matter how many times it takes/If you will stay here with me, if I could just keep you from leaving/I’ll make sure this feeling no one else knows —everything I live for— is right.

"Good God. Good Lord. Have you ever wanted to be emotionally rent from your bones by lesbian witch anime Jesus? Now You Can. This song is based on An Urgent Appeal, a short story written by Osamu Dazai - a retelling of the betrayal of Jesus Christ from Judas's perspective. The original story goes from high, reverent adoration and praise to insults, but throughout the whole piece, the purest emotion is devotion. Jealousy and devotion, devotion so powerful it is wrenched and warped into something far worse. It's love so powerful it corrupts. It's codependency. It's loving someone so powerfully that betraying them feels like an act of love in and of itself. It's spiraling so deeply into love that you've lost your way, that you can't go anywhere without their hand, that their hand is gripping your heart and strangling you and you can't breathe anymore. It's doing anything to breathe again. You'd do anything for them. Lower One's Eyes is this, distilled into song form. Aside from the absolutely unhinged blorbo-able emotional basis and absolutely slappin music, the MV for this song is GORGEOUS. The masks that bathe the same scene or silhouette in different colors and patterns are incredible - especially the parts where it shows something else (like the witch's seat being occupied with Madonna lilies, symbolic of the Virgin Mary; or the fact that, whenever the witch is silhouetted, there's always a cross pattern in her shape). The animator went ALL OUT with the symbolism. The Judas trees in the background. The maid (Judas)'s association with yellow, the color that became representative jealousy and betrayal BECAUSE OF JUDAS. The album art showing the maid with a snake coiled around her neck and taking a bite from the original forbidden fruit!!! The witch's earrings being shaped like an ichthys!!!! The level of detail is insane!!! There's probably even some things I MISSED. It's an incredible piece of art both visually and aurally. 25/10 would hyperfixate on for 3 months in a row again."

Lower One's Eyes submitted by @bitter--unicorns

#fuck you up bracket #tournament #polls #david bowie #nuyuri

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catgirl-catboy · 1 year

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Hey! I watched the new total drama season you send I enjoyed the new season I must say

Did you enjoyed it? What is your opinions?

I really did enjoy it, but I also think it had the same flaws as the rest of the total drama series, as expected. (the danganronpa ask is sitting half completed because I got a case of the TD brainworms!)

Namely, that except for gen 2, every generation has a character whose personality is 80% fart jokes. Now, I love me a fart joke as much as any self-respecting 12 y/o boy, so its not that I don't find them funny. But I also think that a character shouldn't just be gross-out humor, and should have some other qualities to them. How does Ripper's bullying affect the goal of the game. Why is he on total drama if his main ambition in life is something else? He clearly feels insecure, but so does his designated victim. Explore that!

One take I saw floating around is that Emma and Chase's relationship is repetitive and annoying. That was the point! You aren't meant to ship them, and Bowie's thoughts on them are meant to mirror the audiences! That being said, I hope they change up the dynamic in season 2 because doing it for another season would get stale.

This is more of a personal preference than a complaint with the writing, but I found Raj's arc in this boring. "realizing you are gay because of a crush and then kissing him" is really overdone, and it felt like the main players in the Rajbow ship were Bowie and WAYNE. This isn't a bad thing, but I hope he becomes a more distinct character in season 2. Maybe Bowie can teach him game strategy and he betrays Wayne to stay in the game longer tee hee hee.

I also don't really agree with the take that Bowie is bad rep because he's a very stereotypical gay man. A lot of total drama characters are based off stereotypes, like Lindsey being the Dumb Blonde and Heather being the Mean Girl. They evolve beyond those tropes throughout the reason of the show, and we actually see that with Bowie in just the one season he was in so far! After Raj got eliminated, he did a whole bunch of plot relevant shit that didn't involve him and was a compelling character outside of his romance plot. I call that a sign of good writing, but this is total drama so who knows if it will last.

And I don't think that TD is saying all gay man are stereotypical, because we have Raj, who is very much not that. He's a dumb jock that happens to be gay, and falls into the jock stereotype more than any gay one. I really respect that writing choice.

Pryia is one of my favorite TD characters, but season 1 Court still takes the number one spot. (even if she is hanging on Hall Monitor coattails!) I adore her! She totally deserved the win.

They made Axel too much like Eva and it felt like a really missed opportunity. We already have Eva and Jo, can we have a more GNC gal character that isn't totally aggressive? I'd like that. Hopefully, she becomes more of a player in the second series?

I also wish they gave Julia a different strategy than Heather. If a character needs constant immunity to stay in the game, then maybe they deserve to leave the game at that stage. Its overdone. I also feel like Julia showed skills in turning people against each other, which could have easily been her M.O. That being said, my favorite Villain Elimination by a longshot.

I really liked the energy brought to the jokes about Zee's leg. It doesn't come up often since my hearing aid isn't too visible, but if I have the opportunity to joke about my disability, I will take it! He's probably one of my favorite disabled rep besides Toph, and I'm glad that he wasn't looked down upon by his team during challenges. He didn't struggle with any challenges, and his leg actually helped at one point!

(one time, a teacher asked in frustration if anyone was deaf in here. Saying "Yes :)" was my crowning achievement and one of the best jokes I ever made. Its not relevant, but c'mon.)

I wish he had more of a character outside of comic relief, but still!!!

#ask tag #total drama #total drama spoilers #total drama island 2023 #total drama reboot #td zee #td raj #td bowie #td priya #td julia #crowtalks #I dub thee with a tag

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deadaccount1211 · 10 months

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TDI 2023 Rant 2

Spoilers below

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I want to try break this review down into several sections.

Ripaxel: I've been trying to articulate my thoughts on this and I think I finally got it down. I don't hate the idea of it but the execution was terrible. If this was the writer's plan all along. Why did Ripper start the season off hating Axel and then the very next episode saying he likes her? No buildup. And don't hit me with a "he was mean to her because he likes her". Such a bullshit excuse.

And one of the reasons I liked Ripper was because he was a versatile character. In season 1 he interacted with mostly everyone on his team (Chase, Millie, Damien, Zee.) This season he only seems dedicated to Axel. And I don't like when TD has characters talk to only one other character. Same thing could be said for Priya and Millie, but we'll get to them later.

Also throughout this whole ordeal. We never see Axel's POV? You're telling me it took one poem for Axel to want a piece of Ripper? After a two season long rivalry now they want each other? I just find the writing to be very sloppy and I can't get behind this ship personally. Ppl who hate this ship because of Nichaxel are dumb tho. That was never gonna happen. Lol. I think Axel will leave before Ripper does.

Chemma: I never thought I'd say this. But I actually wanted more from Chemma. Especially considering the alternative we got for the straight couple this season. Seeing Chase individually was fun. I like how they leaned into his youtuber angle. Though I do have to ask, what was the point of having Emma outlast Chase again and then she does nothing? No interactions, no plotlines. Just a big pile of nothing and then she gets kicked out for being dumb. If you ask me, the season becomes ten trillion times better if Chase and Emma swap placements.

The whole Bowie cheating plotline makes me think he'll be going in the late pre-merge- early merge category. Raj is gonna find out, be pissed and vote Bowie off. Maybe?

Objectively speaking Mkulia is just as sloppy as Ripaxel. But at least Mkulia is charismatic so I give them a pass. I still think MK is gonna get her lick back and betray Julia down the road.

Nichelle is cool but she needs to start interacting with ppl.

Are they really gonna let Zee float to the merge again? He's funny but I just hope he doesn't overstay his welcome.

I really liked Damien in episode 3 but with Millie gone, he has nothing to do. I need a Damien-Priya-Caleb love triangle so Damien can beat the filler character allegations.

Overall, I'm still confident in my Ripper vs Nichelle finale prediction. Seems the most likely.

#td spoilers #total drama 2023 #total drama

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hughjidiot · 3 months

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Total Drama Level Up: Chapter Two Behind the Scenes

Still working on chapter eleven, so to tide my readers over here's another behind-the-scenes feature for Total Drama Level Up. Spoilers below the cut obviously.

From the story's conception I knew a first-person shooter challenge would be an obvious choice. For a while I though about making it paintball but ultimately decided that laser tag would work better.

This chapter was my wake-up call to just how mammoth these chapters would be. At first I thought the 12000-word first chapter may have been a fluke, but this chapter being 14000 words made me realize "Oh boy, this story is gonna be a big one." Sure enough not one chapter has been shorter than 10000 words since then.

This was the chapter where I introduced one of the story's big alliance subplots: MK and Julia teeming up with Raj. When I first came up with this idea I wasn't sure I could pull it off and make it believable what with Julia's past animosity with Raj's boyfriend. Luckily I figured out how I can make it sound plausible by having Julia and MK play on Raj's anxiety over being separated from Bowie and Wayne to entice him into an alliance so he can reach the merge and get to them again. I figured if I was gonna take the time to separate the Wayne-Raj-Bowie trio, I might as well do something with it.

This was also the chapter where I introduced the idea of Lauren crawling around in the vents. Fun fact: at first I just did that to have Lauren be creepy, and didn't think much more of it until one of my readers suggested she could use this to spy on others, which gave me the idea to have Lauren spy on the challenges being set up. (More on that later.)

Speaking of Lauren, we also have her playing a key role in Priya's elimination. Going into this story I knew I wanted to make Lauren one of the major players, and I figured the perfect introduction to that concept would be to have her help eliminate a former season champion.

Another bit of trivia: I initially had the whole Priya-Nichelle-Caleb alliance talk to Lauren, but changed it to just Priya talking to her because I wanted Lauren to be able to work more from the shadows. Had I gone the original route, the alliance would have realized Lauren's backstabbing right away after the elimination, leading to a confrontation and a moment something like this:

Nichelle: "Now hold on. Before we start throwing around words like 'betrayal' and 'bitch,' let's give Scary Girl a chance to explain herself.

Lauren: "I betrayed you."

Nichelle: "Oh, you bitch."

#hugh jidiot rambles #hugh jidiot's fanfiction #total drama island #total drama fanfiction #total drama level up

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mistakenlyfoundnico · 2 years

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Almost every marauder fan that I have seen hates on peter so much and acts as if he isn't a part of the marauders. He was a part of the marauders an important part. James trusted him enough to let him be his secret keeper. They all loved him and the way y'all treat him in headcannons and in fics, like even in atyd (this was how I read and interpreted it) he didn't seem like an important part. He seemed to be cast aside and especially the way Sirius treated him in it didn't seem right. (I could make an entire essay about how I feel about atyd) like I understand that he betrayed them but if it was about survival then it was a life or death decision, it was war. When you are in a crashing airplane you put your mask on before helping others. He had to do what he had to do to survive. It's still not that justified but he was planning on betraying them throughout their entire friendship and if he was treated the way y'all treat him in those fanfics then no wonder he betrayed them. If it were between me living or my "friends" who constantly belittled me, ignored me, only spent time with me when there is no other option then yeah I would choose myself. I have seen fics where James has treated Peter as if he was a pet and compared him to a lost puppy looking for attention multiple times throughout the fic. Like I wouldn't give my life for someone who treated me as a puppy. So because of all this Peter hate here are some headcannons.

- ok so despite all four being friends they didn't always hang out together and they had pairs of people who would hang out together when they weren't all together right, I feel that James is one of the more responsible of the marauders and Remus doesn't really want to so when these rare moments happened they would spend their time in the library studying together

-and Peter and Sirius would hang out and they were more chaotic. It would start with a game of chess or something of the sorts and then Peter and/or Sirius would mention they are hungry so they would go to the kitchens and as they get a snack they would think of a prank to do on James so as they do that they think of an even better one for Remus and so on and so on never actually finishing and when the other two return Peter is outside the dorm talking to them the letter his mother sent him and how she also sent a few galleons for him to spend and how they can spend it all at the new joke store all while blocking the dorm so they can't enter as Sirius rushes to clean the place of the mess they made so the other two don't find out

-peter is definitely audhd I won't explain it he just is

-peter is also aroace demi boy and using they/he pronouns

-when Peter went to come out to the others he was very scared they wouldn't accept him and would hate him after wards but everyone was very supportive and when he visibly relaxed and they noticed that he was nervous they were confused because Sirius and Remus have been dating since 4th year and if they didn't hate them why would they hate him but Sirius and Remus never officially came out to them so Peter never released and just thought they were really good friends

-everyone says that James is the sun Sirius is a star and Remus is a moon but I haven't heard one about Peter except for eclipse and I like think he is the meteor or "shooting star" he is beautiful and unique and just as bright as the other three but it's rare for someone to see that and he fire was due to burn out but he tried to keep it burning but in doing so he crashed I to the others( I don't know if that made to much sense)

-the year after Sirius was kicked out Peter worked all summer to be able to buy tickets to David Bowie for the four of them but could only afford 3 so he bought them with plans of not going and letting the other three but the others refused to go with out him so they all stayed

-sirius thinks of Remus as his boyfriend and James as his brother and Peter as his best friend

And then one sad one :]]

When in their last year of Hogwarts Remus and Sirius would make plans of getting married even if it was illegally and Sirius told Peter he would be his best man but now after the war they can legally marry both James and Peter is gone Sirius and Remus have a small ceremony all by themselves wishing things turned out differently and that their friends could have seen them now and be with them on their big day

#marauders #marauders headcanon #peter centric #sirius and peter are friends #atyd fandom #peter pettigrew #sirius black #james & peter & remus & sirius #remus lupin #james potter

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grandmofftarkinsuggestions · 2 years

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x. natasi daala

chronic. i love women <3. i keep thinking about her feeling lonely and betrayed on the maw after years and years of waiting for a (unbeknownst to her) dead man to return and it's driving me insane. the guilt and anger she felt when she finally found out he didn't mean to leave her.... dear g-d. someone take me out and shoot me dead in the middle of the street.

lyrics under the cut.

real men - mitski

- real men keep cool in the face of a fire / go down with the ship / and real men don't eat / 'cause they're above that, damn it / oh, i'm gonna be a real man / though honestly, sir / all i wanna do is get naked in front of you / so you can look me up and down / and give me your love for being so good

oh no! - marina

- one track mind, one track heart / if i fail, i'll fall apart / maybe it is all a test / 'cause i feel like i'm the worst / so i always act like i'm the best

do it for her - zach callison, grace rolek, deedee magno hall

- yes, but put your whole body into it / everything you have, everything you are / you've got to give / on the battlefield / when everything is chaos / and you have nothing but the way you feel, your strategy, and a sword / you just think about the life you'll have together after the war

fear the future - st vincent

- when the war start anew / in our bed, in our room / i'll come for you / come for me too

lady grinning soul - david bowie

- and when the clothes are strewn / don't be afraid of the room / touch the fullness of her breast / feel the love of her caress / she will be your living end

he needs me - shelley duvall

- and all at once i knew / i knew at once / i knew he needed me / until the day i die / i won't know why / i knew he needed me

my favorite mistake - sheryl crow

- did you know when you go it's the perfect ending / to the bad day i was just beginning / when you go, all i know is you're my favorite mistake

o' sailor - fiona apple

- and after waiting, fighting patiently on my knees / all the other stuff tired itself out first, and not me / and in its wake, appeared the touch and call / of a different breed / one who set to get me wise, and got me there / and then, got me

over again - aziya

- defending, relenting / to the pain you brought / the villain that got away / what a typical story to preach on / how'd you sleep at night without the guilty lies / tapping into your mind? / do we have to take the load for what you can’t expose / so you can say that you tried?

all i wanted - paramore

- think of me when you're out, when you're out there / i'll beg you nice from my knees / and when the world treats you way too fairly / well, it's a shame I'm a dream

bang bang (my baby shot me down) - nancy sinatra

- now he's gone, i don't know why / and 'til this day, sometimes i cry / he didn't even say goodbye / he didn't take the time to lie

this is why - paramore

- this is why i don't leave the house / you say the coast is clear / but you won't catch me out / oh, why? this is why / better have conviction / 'cause we want crimes of passion / survival of the fittest / you're either with us or you can keep it

the news - paramore

- war / a war / a war / on the far side / on the other side of the planet / and i've got / war / a war / a war / right behind my eyes / right behind 'em just like a headache / [...] / far / i'm far / so far / from a front line / quite the opposite, I'm safe inside

the man with the child in his eyes - kate bush

- nobody knows about my man / they think he's lost on some horizon / and suddenly i find myself / listening to a man I've never known before / telling me about the sea / all his love is 'til eternity

i guess - mitski

- it's been you and me / since before i was me / without you, i don't yet know / quite how to live / if i could keep / anything of you / i would keep / just this quiet after you / it's still as a pond / i am staring into / from here, i can say / thank you / from here, i can tell you / thank you

#sw #natasi daala #tarkin x daala #'my favorite mistake' marks their last meeting in this playlist btw!! i am going insane.#going stupid crazy over 'over again' atm.

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jasonpeterdrake · 2 years

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heyy, if you like making playlists and wolfstar, do you mind making one thats kinda sad and generally about like, sirius going to azkaban, remus thinking sirius betrayed them but still loving him, sirius thinking how could he have suspected remus-the-love-of-his-life, and like, war and heartbreak etc. you know? I tried to describe the vibe I mean

I actually have one already that kinda fits that! I made it back in 2021 and I still listen to it! It's sort of... Remus sad and alone and listening to music as he gets drunker and sadder in the 80s.

I'll throw a breakdown under the cut.

All I Need - My Bloody Valentine (1988): Sexually angsty noise. Remus wants to sit and drink and be left alone.

I Wanna Be Adored - The Stone Roses (1989): Here Remus wonders if he overlooked who Sirius really was just because he wanted his love.

One Hundred Years - The Cure (1982):

Please love me, meet my mother But the fear takes hold Creeping up the stairs in the dark Waiting for the death blow

I mean come on.

4. Love Will Tear Us Apart - Joy Division (1980): Remus likes Joy Division and I stand by that. Also you can't legally have a sad 80s playlist without them??

5. Wave of Mutilation - The Pixies (1989): Here Remus has another shot and thinks about the push and pull of the moon being his own wave of mutilation because he's a sad boy like that.

6. Ceremony - New Order (1981): I just really like this song and the vibes fit the playlist.

7. The Ghost in You - The Psychedelic Furs (1984): Remus continues to drink and he's just thinking about time passing and their school days and what it says about him that he still fucking loves Sirius

8. How Soon is Now? - The Smiths (1985): "I am human and I need to be loved just like everybody else does." Uuuugh fuck Morrissey but this song is very Moony to me.

9. Darklands - The Jesus and Mary Chain (1987):

As sure as life means nothing And all things end in nothing And heaven, I think Is too close to hell

He's just a very sad emo boy, and also he's pretty drunk at this point and the "do do do"s are nice for singing along to.

10. Eyes Without a Face - Billy Idol (1983):

I spend so much time Believing all the lies To keep the dream alive Now it makes me sad It makes me mad at truth For loving what was you

Bruh.

11. Five Years - David Bowie (1972): Okay but now that he's good and drunk, he's dipping back into the 70s. And they really didn't have much time together, did they?

12. Wish You Were Here - Pink Floyd (1975): Did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in cage, Pads? And also I can see this being a song Sirius would play on his guitar sometimes.

13. Love in Vain - The Rolling Stones (1969): Here Remus is hanging off his couch smoking upside down. (Also this song kinda segues musically into the fact that I wanted some Nick Drake on here. My playlists are meant to flow.)

14. Place to Be - Nick Drake (1972):

When I was young, younger than before I never saw the truth hanging from the door And now I'm older, see it face to face

and also

Now I'm weaker than the palest blue Oh so weak in this need for you

15. Pale Blue Eyes - The Velvet Underground (1969): Another shot, and lingering on pale blue eyes.

16. Run of the Mill - Judas Priest (1974): Now Remus is starting to get mad and out come the metal bands.

17. Wheels of Confusion - Black Sabbath (1972):

Long ago I wandered through my mind In the land of fairy tales and stories Lost in happiness I knew no fears Innocence and love was all I knew It was an illusion

18. Tangerine - Led Zeppelin (1970): Oh fuck, he's listening to Zep.

19. Black Dog - Led Zeppelin (1971): Yep there it is.

20. Something I Can Never Have - Nine Inch Nails (1989): And we're back to the 80s because listening to that song made him snap. I think after this though he just passes the fuck out.

#wolfstar #wolfstar playlists #sirius black #remus lupin #anonymous

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camswish · 2 years

Text

Marauder’s playlists

I wanted to post these on tt, but I have family and friends on there that have no idea what a marauder is. So enjoy having the playlists that I made for James, Siri, Remus, Peter and Regulus and my debrief of why I did them the way I did, because of course I took this assignment very seriously and had to build a story.

Let’s start with the rat king, Peter.

This one was a tricky one, I truly despise what the character of Peter represents and everything that he did to his friends. I truly cannot see how he was able to betray James and Lily like that, and not only that but to frame Sirius??? Oh my boy was a fucking maniac.

Buuut you also need to wonder why this betrayal hurted so much to the others, and it had to be because at the time. Peter was a true friend, someone to laugh and cry with. We never truly get to know the reasoning or feelings of Peter towards the war. We know he was scared, but what else? Who drew him to “the dark side” ?

With this playlist I wanted to embody that. The first songs are really happy and chill, they are actually songs that I truly love and think that Peter would have loved in his years at Hogwarts. Then we get to Spaces by One Direction.

Right after this song is where Pete started to change and doubt his way and side on the war. He was feeling left out, out of his comfort zone. I supposed that Peter was truly aware that they were only kids being thrown to a war none of them asked for, he didn’t want to die, and can we really blame him for that? So he checked his options and at the time I think he just acted on survival instincts and saw that Voldys side was winning and not dying, so…A part of me likes to think that maybe he joined the DE ranks so he could have a pull when Voldemort ascended to power and save his friends. DELUSION.

We end this playlist with No surprises by Radiohead. Peter ends his own life by yet again betraying the side he was supposed to be in, and the last thing he sees is James’s son trying to save him…so yeah.

Enjoy!

LET’S CONTINUE!

Next one is Siri. Oh my lovely and narcissist Sirius.

Sirius’s was actually pretty easy to make (as easy as him) 🤌🏻

But that is cause, even tho Sirius likes to act all mysterious and secretive, he can be read like an open book. I believe that it is the aftermath of living so many years repressing his own emotions, his own act of rebellion was to feel and show it.

We start with Dude looks like a Lady by Aerosmith cuz why not? We love or gender envy majesty. Sirius is messy and likes to keep up his rockstar facade only to be unmasked and show that he is a hopeless romantic that cares too much about the people he loves. Remus fell first but Sirius fell harder.

And then he gets disowned, that is when we get to Seven by Taylor swift. The next three songs showed the sadness and loneliness he felt at that time, the song Safe & Sound is so so special to me. It is a perfect example of how the relationship between Sirius and regulus was “I remember you said, <<Don’t leave me here alone>> but all of that has gone and passed” . Uff I actually cried when building that part on the playlist. I care for that song a little too much.

We end this playlist with Heroes by David Bowie. Sirius Black had a god complex, he wanted to save everyone but he forgot to save himself in the end. Good thing is, he encountered his best friend in the after life :’)

#Spotify #marauders #peter pettigrew #harry james potter #marauders era #dead gay wizards #playlist #headcanon #harry potter #sirius balck #james potter #lily james

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motownfiction · 2 years

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snow day

Lucy doesn’t relax on snow days. In fact, she’s always been a little perturbed by sleep in general – a little betrayed by it. Whenever she wakes in the morning, she’s a little surprised she ever had to fall asleep in the first place. She could have spent that time reading or writing or practicing her French. She could have figured out the meaning of life or, at the very least, a whole new philosophy on it. Never mind that she’s not quite sixteen. She’s smarter than most people who have reached sixty. By the time she’s that age, she’ll be the smartest of them all.

She hopes.

This morning is the start to another snow day, their second since school returned for the second semester. Contrary to what she assumes is popular belief, Lucy’s pretty glad not to be at school. Formal education is a drag much before the undergraduate level. You don’t get to choose any of your own classes, and the “electives” are so minimal, it’s only the illusion of choice. Life in American capitalism, Lucy thinks. She even says so out loud sometimes, but her teachers don’t take her seriously. They just laugh and think they know what she means just because they’ve read a few choice words in the newspaper. Lucy’s not sure anybody outside of her immediate familial and social circles actually reads anything. Sometimes, it seems like everyone else in the world has only memorized the shapes of letters.

Lucy, an autodidact since the day she was born, sits up in her bed and reads The Old Curiosity Shop. It’s not her favorite Dickens, but she’s been trying more and more to understand what about Little Nell’s death made Oscar Wilde weep. Sure, it’s sad, but no matter how many times Lucy thinks about it, it doesn’t feel earned. It doesn’t feel foreshadowed, carefully tempered and marinated upon, like Beth March or, hell, the little girl in Bridge to Terabithia. She does like the sound of the name Nell, though. Reminds her of Sense and Sensibility.

She’s just about to make a breakthrough when she hears a voice coming through the window. Her heart leaps, but she wishes it wouldn’t. Then again, maybe she’s glad it does. These days, it’s hard to tell what she should and shouldn’t think about Will. Lucy looks around to see where he is or where he’s coming from, but she can’t see him at all.

Then, she remembers.

She smiles a little as she walks over to the tin can telephone by her window – the ones she and Will used when they were very little and then again in the last month, since Robby Blair’s funeral. A little nervously, she picks up the tin can and speaks into it, just like she’s done a hundred times before.

“Hey,” she says. “Looks like you’re enjoying this snow day more than I am.”

The can rattles with Will’s laugh, and Lucy laughs, too. That’s the best thing about the tin can telephones. They turn the best sound in the world into the best feeling. She wraps her hands around the can tighter and tighter, trying to trap Will’s laugh inside it. Somehow, she thinks it might have worked.

“I don’t know about that,” he says. “I’ve spent the last hour in the basement, listening to Bowie.”

“Well, that doesn’t have to be bad. Which album?”

“Diamond Dogs.”

“Ah. So it could go either way.”

“I was feeling pretty good around ‘Rebel Rebel,’ but ‘Rock ‘n’ Roll with Me’ makes me want to take a nap or drop out of school. Sometimes both.”

Lucy laughs. She wonders if Will is trying to trap her laugh, too.

“You could come over here,” Lucy says (and then almost immediately wishes she hadn’t). “Watch me read or something.”

Will chuckles again.

“Exhilarating as that sounds, I think I’m gonna stay over here,” he says. “Parents are at work, and I don’t want to leave Sarah on her own to watch the little girls.”

Lucy’s heart falls a little.

“Right,” she says.

“But, hey, I can give you a call later,” Will adds. “Tin can or telephone.”

When Lucy breaks out into a big grin, she isn’t even sorry.

“Deal,” she says.

And she doesn’t wait by the phone. She doesn’t wait by the window. She knows she can simply go about her day.

Will is the kind of guy who will always be there. The kind of guy who will show up when you didn’t even know you were expecting him.

Lucy’s not sure how much longer she can go on like this, pretending not to be in love with him.

Something in the back of her mind tells her it won’t be long now.

#drabble #ch: lucy callaghan #ch: will o'connor #ship: c'est la vie say the old folks #year: 1983

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spiderispunk · 2 years

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Ooo how Bowie! 💖 I saw your post about HCs so I will send one for Alfred - as proper and polished as he appears to be, he can say some downright filthy things when he’s fucking you.

Cheeky

Pairing: Alfred Pennyworth x fem!Reader

Word Count: 955

Warnings: Smut (18+). Dirty Talk.

A/N: Here they are, first words I've written in 3+ months! I knew I'd be writing fic because of The Batman, didn't think the first one would be about Alfred, but here we are. Enjoy!

It starts with a strained “My God,” as he enters you.

Alfred falls against your body, heavy breath straining in your ear. His eyes are closed, lips tracing a clumsy path across your jaw as he basks in the warm stretch.

You feel incredible, so fucking incredible, and he’ll tell you over and over again in crafted whispers that drip down your skin like honeyed bourbon. Heady and warm words that make your head spin.

His fingers dig into your hips, perfectly groomed nails marking little crescents into your skin.

Everything about Alfred is immaculate, polished. From his gelled hair down to his shining shoes. His perfectly trimmed beard chafes against your throat. The silk of his trousers glides against your inner thighs.

Only his fingers are rough. Betraying the past of another life. One not enclosed by posh marble walls or fancy linen. Not a life at the top of the world in the Wayne Tower, but an uglier one close to the ground. Where skin met, not out of love, but with the desire to bruise and break.

He’s still got a bit of that life inside him. You’re the only one who manages to tease it out though. All it takes is a smile, an indecent flick of your eyes downwards, a well-placed hand, and Alfred’s carefully crafted air of dignity crumbles.

You watch firsthand now, as his eyes screw up and his face flushes red. His calloused digits caress your body, hungrily searching for skin to hold onto. Pulling, pinching, grasping, as if he wishes to peel it from your body and expose the gold underneath.

Alfred groans against your cheek. “Goddamn.” His hips stutter forward, sinking deeper into your velvet warmth.

You smile, victorious. There it was. The first crack in his composure. You’re keen to create some more.

“I like when you fuck me.” You arch your back and nip at the shell of his ear. “Pretty good for an old man.”

“Age comes with experience,” he grunts, palming your heaving breast with one hand. “And I’d be careful if I were you. That mouth of yours will get you into trouble.” His other hand cups your jaw.

Oh yes, it had on more than one occasion. His next thrust brings a memory to the forefront of your mind: You on your knees, your hands bound behind your back with one of his many ties. The weight of Alfred’s cock on your tongue as he teased you, promising to fuck the filthy words right out of your mouth. And he had…for the moment.

You bite the pad of his thumb and he raises his scarred eyebrow. A warning. You answer his stern look with a grin and suck his finger into your mouth.

Well he thinks. Two could play at that game.

Alfred tuts and shakes his head. “Oh, little bird,” he whispers and your clit throbs. “If you wanted me to fuck you harder, you should have just said so.”

There is no warning, just the quick drag of his cock against your walls and a sharp thrust that leaves you choking. Alfred soothes you, sweeping his thumb across your forehead as his hips smack against yours.

And then comes the gravel of his voice

“In all my years, and all my travels, I’ve never been inside a cunt as sweet as yours,” he says, fitting his spit-slicked finger against your clit.

You can only gasp, dumbstruck by his words. Though a part of you can’t help but grin internally, for this was what you wanted all along.

Not the respectable Alfred who called you ma’am and was so put together. But the slightly obscene one whose eyes lingered on you for too long and who never lacked a vulgar word for you in moments like these.

“You feel absolutely incredible gripping my cock. Taking me so well, like you were made for it.” Alfred praises. “How does it feel, love? Hm? Tell me.”

“So good,” you whine, your eyes fluttering shut, because it’s all you can manage.

“That’s all? Oh don’t be shy now, dove. Where’s that wicked tongue of yours?” Alfred chuckles against your collarbone. “Look at me.” And his voice has dropped an octave.

You force your eyes open to meet his stormy blue ones.

“There she is.” He kisses your lips sweetly. “Now tell me, darling. How good does it feel when I’m inside you?”

“‘S perfect. You’re perfect. So deep inside me— Oh, Al.” Your nails dig into his chest, legs beginning to shake. “Fuck.”

Alfred groans. “Good girl.” He fills you with deep strokes. “You feel like a paradise. I could die a happy man like this, buried between your thighs.”

His jaw clenches and you know he’s close. You’re right there with him, skittering towards that marvelous end.

“Almost,” you whimper, raising your hips in the hopes of that one bit of friction that could unravel you. “Oh, please.”

His thumb moves against your clit insistently. “That’s good, dearest. But I’m not done with you yet.” His intense eyes meet yours again. “No, not even close. You’re in for a long night.”

“Sure you’re up for all that, old man?” You manage to choke out, even though your world is beginning to shatter around you.

Alfred chuckles. “I wouldn’t worry about me, love. I’m going to ruin you so thoroughly, when I’m done with you, the only words that’ll come out of that pretty little mouth is a cry for more.”

“Yeah?” The taunt ends in a high moan as you come undone under his skillful touch.

“Yeah, that’s it. You’re going to feel me in this pretty cunt for days.” He presses an open-mouthed kiss to your neck. “I promise.”

#alfred pennyworth x reader #alfred pennyworth x you #alfred pennyworth #andy serkis #the batman #bowie writes

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lyallblacklupin · 3 years

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Just like fire.

After years of regrets and sorrows, Remus tries to apologize to Sirius for his own mistakes, despite the fact that he has been hurt by the very same person who he wants to say sorry to. The years of damages has passed, should they give each other a chance, or start fresh with new people in life to forget their old wounds?

Tags: Heavy Angst, Fluff, Post-Azkaban, Angst with Happy Ending.

Sirius walks in the kitchen, completely heedless of Remus’ presence—or he pretends to be heedless after he catches the sight of Remus. He walks promptly, not limping but flinching at his aching bones. This is how Sirius Black has become: broken. And he has not just broken out of thin air, it has taken fourteen years which includes the twelve years of unjust imprisonment and two years of being a prison escapee, and Merlin knows how many more to go.

Half of Sirius’ time is spent in thinking about death and longing for it. Remus can tell because he has witnessed the hunger of dying in his eyes when he’d sit alone with himself, and the other half is always occupied in worrying about Harry Potter who is last person keeping him from dying out of misery; his dear godson only. Otherwise, he’d have been free.

He stops at the stove and boils the water on the kettle. He doesn’t have his wand so muggle way it is. Muggles have been growing on him, a lot. He keeps talking about them with Arthur. Remus is glad that if there is anything Sirius is looking forward to the order meetings is for the conversation with his new friend Arthur Weasley, who also attains the equal amount energy for the same subject. It makes Remus happy to witness that they have any reason to—even temporarily—lit up in the times of war. However, Sirius never smiles. He nods, or makes a funny face. He only smiles when Harry visits.

“If you want for yourself, it’s still in the kettle.” Sirius says without looking, and begins to walk out of the kitchen but Remus rises from his chair.

“Sirius.” He stops but doesn’t turn to face Remus.

“What?” His voice cut through Remus’ heart.

“I was hoping we could have tea together?” He tried, his heart hammering in his chest.

Sirius finally turns and hold his gaze. After a lingering eye contact, he nods and brings Remus’ tea with pink mug that has a David Bowie on it. He is slightly hopeful that Sirius has kept it because Remus gave him on their sixth year Christmas holidays. But he highly doubts that Sirius remembers it. Sirius sits across Remus’ seat. The silence is irksome.

“I want you to know that I’m sorry for…all that—“

“Define ‘that’, Remus?” Sirius’ facial expressions are blank but very grave.

“For believing the murder of Lily and James was because of you.”

Sirius scoffs, and Remus wants to scream because deep down inside he doesn’t feel he deserves it. He suffered too for twelve years. Even so, he tries to sustain the ceasefire he is trying to build between them.

“I should have believed that you would never have done anything like that to the Potters. You loved them more than anything in this world and—“

Remus pauses because Sirius is shaking his head with a manic smile playing on his lips.

“Wrong. I didn’t love them as I was supposed to. It wasn’t that I didn’t, but it was more like I couldn’t. My fucking stupid heart belonged to just one person that time as if my life would end if I stop centering my life on him.”

Remus swallowed. He knows that no kind of eloquent words are going to be good reply to what Sirius has said, so he says, “You did. Love them, that is. I know that.”

“Oh what did you know!?” He shoots up so violently that the chair collapses down on the floor that Remus inhales sharply, “You were out there kissing Dumbledore’s shoes!”

He knew that this will happen, that he will be humiliated again just like the times in the first war when Sirius would scream at him for going on the secret missions and not giving a clue about when and where he would go and come back, and for not being there for his friends and family. But in reality, all Remus did was to protect the order, and the people he loved. However, the questions still pops in his head, ‘for what? How did he not see it that they were breaking apart?’ It feels like he was watering a dead plant over and over again during the severity of lacking water, but the plant didn’t revive, and the precious water spilled into filthiest vain. Despite of that, Remus shuts his mind and chooses that pettiest way to get back at the person who endured twelve years of imprisonment for the crime he never committed.

“Don’t you dare!” Remus rises from his chair too, leveling up at Sirius, “Don’t you dare go down there again after all these years!”

“WHY NOT!?” Sirius yelled anyway, “YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO THIS NOW! YOU NEVER BELIEVED ME! EVEN BEFORE YOU THOUGHT I BETRAYED JAMES AND LILY!”

“WHEN DID YOU BELIEVE ME!?” Remus is now few inches away from Sirius. He wants to slam him against the wall and put some sense into him because he still cares about him, no matter what.

“WHAT!? You made me this way! You build this mistrust with your hands! Don’t you dare forget that!”

“I did!? Or was that you!? Who didn’t believe me when I said I was not allowed to tell to anyone!”

“I WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ANYONE!” Sirius’ voice breaks poorly that hits like a dagger in Remus’ heart. Sirius holds himself by the chest and leans down to rest his torso on the kitchen table, breathing heavily. Remus instantly feels the stinging in his eyes, and followed by the hot tears spilling from them. He comes behind Sirius, and places a hand on his back.

“Don’t touch me.”

“Shut up. Just shut up.” Remus whispers, and pulls Sirius up in his arms. He sobs and sobs, and Remus sinks down to the floor with him, squeezing him tightly in his embrace. “You are right. You were never just anyone. You were never…” He tries to put his feelings into words but Sirius interrupts him.

“You stopped loving me.”

Remus feels his stomach twist but what comes out of his mouth is a laugh. An empty laugh.

“Hell, I didn’t even stop loving you even when I thought you killed James and Lily.”

Silence.

“I was disgusted by myself. I used to feel so filthy. To want you even after believing you ruined my life by walking away so brutally, killing my friends. Killing my reasons to stay on this planet. I wanted to hate you. I couldn’t. I didn’t think that I even deserved to go to their funeral, you know…because I thought I’d be downright hypocrite to grieve for their loss when I was actually grieving the loss of you. I’d dream about you. The only thought keeping me sane and alive. Sirius, I’m not sure if this makes sense to you…I don’t even know if I’m asking you to love me back or what, but I have always loved you, mostly when I shouldn’t…”

Sirius is staring at him with his tears streaming so rapidly down his cheeks. He is trembling as sobs are racking through his body, his breath hitching every now and then. Remus’ heart breaks to see him like that. It is like Sirius is cleansing himself with all of the unwanted darkness off his soul by spilling all the expanse of pain in form of tears. Remus can see that he is not stopping himself from weeping. He seems lost somewhere, with his eyes shut and his hand on his mouth.

“I am not defending myself,” Remus whispers once he notices Sirius is just sniffling and wiping the dampness from his face, “I never meant to bring that up. I just want to let you know that whatever you went through had not even a single place or moment you deserved to be at.”

Sirius looks up with wide teary eyes, staring at Remus’ hopefully. He looks innocent and raw.

“Tell me,” His voice rough with tears but still a whisper. He clears his throat, “that I deserved all of that.”

“That is not true.” Remus says instantly, his hands grasping Sirius’ wrist instinctively, fearing he might fade away with the wind swooping in from the kitchen window.

“It is,” He says in the weakest voice, “My mistakes brought me here. For not trusting you enough…”

No words comes out from Remus’ mouth but they are caught in his throat like a lump. He can feel their prickling. The silence stretches on, smoothly breaking by the sounds of fire battling the wind filling the kitchen. There is also some faint sounds of dripping water from the tap into the basin. Someone must have forgotten to turn it fully. Huh, wizards.

“You are one celestial presence on the world, Remus Lupin, aren’t you…” Sirius chuckles softly, leaning back on the paddles of the chair to rest his back on them. Remus doesn’t understand but Sirius continues, “You are…this sacred or a saint-like wizard—half-blood werewolf whose father committed suicide because he thought he was the reason for his son’s affliction, and whose mother faded away with grief…”

Remus’ heart feels fragile in his chest, fearing it might break again after the poor mending.

“Merlin puts a very heavy price on people to pay who hurt Remus Lupin, who mistrust Remus Lupin...who thinks little of Remus Lupin.”

There is something strange in Sirius’ eyes. There is surrender and envy but Remus stares back into those glistening, and almost-silver orbs with courage to find what he wants. And he does. There it is. Love, swirling into the diffusion of grey and blue.

“I paid twelve years of losing myself and my family for mistrusting you, Remus.”

“I’m sorry…” He doesn’t expect his voice to whimper but it does because his chin is trembling and he is trying hard to gain composure. He is trying so hard with his clenched jaw, and balled fists in either sides of his lap. But Sirius put a thumb under his chin, and he shudders.

“You’re so stupid, Moony.” Sirius whispers when he is just an inch away from his lips.

“I know,” And just as those lips touched his, he feels a tear trickle down his cheek before Sirius has completely captured his mouth. They move languidly but cautiously, scared they might break each other again with haste and roughness. They don’t trust themselves to be firm either. Remus doesn’t. But when Sirius pulls back a little, he comes back and kisses him again decisively on the lips.

“I don’t know if it is still worth it,” Sirius says when both of them are resting their foreheads against each other, breathing in and out one and other, “But I want you to know that I don’t blame you for anything. Maybe I did. Just to keep myself sane by pretending to believe the lies I made within my already suffocated brain.”

Remus lets out a small laugh, which follows by Sirius’ arms wrapping his waist.

“I hope you can still accept me despite of everything, Remus.”

Remus hold his jaw, and tries to smile at him because he still feels like it is not enough. Nothing is enough with Sirius Black. It is always so much, even in this flickering flame which is almost dead. He knows that it will ignite again to fiery life once they become one. They are dangerously perfect for each other. He leans in to kiss the back of his ear, and inhales a whiff just like the wolf would do when Padfoot would return on first full moon after the summers, to recognize his mate. Sirius smells of rain and cigarette, mixing the aroma of the tea that has been sitting out in two mugs before their argument.

“I do. And I hope the same from you for myself?” Remus cringes after he realizes how lame they sound next to Sirius’ words. After few minutes which feels like hours to Remus, Sirius gropes his hands to hold both of his wrists, with his eyes still locked with Remus. He then bends down to press a lingering kiss on the right, and then on the left. Remus just looks at him, feeling utterly weightless in Sirius’ hands.

“I will not fail you again, Remus.”

“I trust you. I love you,” Remus says with all of the broken words spilling out his mouth, “I love you so much. I will not let you go. I will not let you be alone.”

They embraces each other again, just enjoying the warmth and the closeness. It reminds Remus of their time at Hogwarts when their limbs used to be wrapped around each other at every possible free period, smoking cigarettes at the Astronomy Tower.

“Don’t make such promises, my dear Moony.”

“You’re just saying that because you’ll be annoyed of me for sticking around you all the time.” Remus wipes his tears, and Sirius helps him too with his sleeve, shaking with silent laughter.

“Yeah, maybe. Just don’t follow me in the bathroom.”

“Can’t make such promises, my dear Padfoot.”

Thankyou for reading!

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