#how could adam does so much in a commentary?

[bloodreddemons]

Hazbin Hotel Episode 7-8 (Finale) Hot Takes ~

I personally loved a lot of the Charlastor content in the beginning. So cute.

The deal Alastor purposed to Charlie was also very predictable. We already knew they were going to eventually make a deal but that deal in particular was just very predictable.

I think everyone knows this already but that "one little favor" that Alastor is going to ask of her is going to bite her in the ass. We don't know what he's going to ask but it's definitely gonna come back to haunt her.

She may even make a deal with him again possibly in the future, who knows.

I'm surprised Vaggie didn't know Angel's could be harmed or killed. Its weird that she also didn't know how to fight against one.

Rosie is a real gem and a wayyyyy better friend than Mimzy fucking is.

I love Carmilla & Vaggie's dynamic. I think they both are very much the same personality wise. I definitely can see Carmilla as a mother figure to her or at least a teacher to her, which she pretty much is.

To follow up, I loved Carmilla training Vaggie and helping her get her wings back. Out For Love was also really really good. I liked it a lot.

Never thought I'd hear Alastor call someone an old bitch but it was everything.

I knew Charlie was gonna forgive Vaggie regardless of anything but I love Auntie Rosie.

I didn't really like "Ready For This". I wish I did like it. Especially since it had Charlie, Alastor, & Rosie in it. Idk I liked Out For Love more.

Vox's commentary was funny asf but he's also such a hater. Not even a low-key one lmao.

The post-fight celebration and speech was actually very sweet. Although I wish there was more time and episodes that we could have seen more of the characters bond. I also wish there were more opportunities where we got to know them better.

I really thought Angel & Husk were gonna fuck this episode.

I wasn't expecting for Sir Pentious to say "I love you" to Cherri Bomb so soon and I also didn't need to know he had 2 dicks.

"More Than Anything" Chaggie version was pretty sweet. It'd be cool if there was a longer version idk if there is. They also kissed which was nice.

Adam & Lute are funny asf. Especially Adam. They may be horrible people but I just can't get over how funny they are. Even when they're about to massacre Charlie's people. Lol.

I wasn't expecting the war to be kinda epic. The shield that Alastor put up over the hotel kinda reminded me of the last Harry Potter. When they all put a shield around Hogwart's to protect everyone from the death eaters and voldemort.

Adam might just be the funniest character in this series dead or alive. Heaven or Hell.

It pisses me off how Charlie barely does anything in the fight. Like, this is her people and her fucking hotel as she keeps saying... yet everybody else but her is fighting. Wtf? Girl yo ass should be in Sloth.

I love Alastor & Adam's dynamic, their first impression of eachother is so hilarious. The fight between them was also very entertaining. I was really curious to see who would win.

I was actually kinda surprised that Alastor was defeated so easily. I honestly thought he was stronger than that, but tbh Adam is very powerful he's the fucking first man, extermination commander, and he already single handedly broke Alastor's shield.

People have pointed out Alastor's "normal" voice when his mic/staff breaks, because it's his voice without the radio filter. Imma be honest I wasn't that shocked at all, he just sounds the same to me, the radio filter just adds a cool effect.

Charlie really could have got tf up there and helped Alastor out. Idk if she thought he could handle himself or what but fuck.

SIR PENTIOUS KISSING CHERRI WAS AMAZING. WE WON. But then he "died"...

To follow up that sacrifice was anticlimactic at the same time. Mostly because of the way Adam just effortlessly zapped him out of existence.

I'm so disappointed in the "Charlie finally snaps" bit. I was literally dying to see this part in the series, where Charlie finally loses her shit and stands up for herself or whatevever....but it ended up being extremely disappointing and yet again, anticlimactic.

Charlie's transformation along with Razzle & Dazzle was kindaaa cool, however...her getting her ass kicked within like 0.3 fucking seconds was not. It was embarrassing for a demon of her status. I can understand Alastor, but seriously Charlie? You can't beat him? The clownery.

I loved the Vaggie & Lute fight. Let my girl Vaggie finally get her ones. Lute needs her ass beat disrespectfully for what she did.

Although...Lute was winning that fight, she was still holding her own and getting more hits in. I don't even think Carmilla's teaching's were working. Lmao damn. That bitch is fucking scrappy.

Vaggie should have just ended Lute. I know she's too good for that, but she really should have just killed that bitch. She left you for dead you should have just killed her.

Charlie stabbing Adam and standing her ground was badass, but that was kinda it. She still ends up almost getting choked out. Lame.

Charlie just isn't that powerful. 😒 Or at least as she's supposed to be. Maybe it's still not really shown to us, but so far she just isn't that threatening at all. Very disappointing.

Lucifer coming in kinda pissed me off. I wish Charlie could have actually handled everything herself without her dad having to come in and help her. I just feel like it'd be more impactful for her and her character.

Adam x Lucifer actually does seem kinda hot....just me???

Their fight was very entertaining despite already knowing who would come out on top. Hehe.

"All of Mankind came from these fucking nutts" is pure poetry.

Nifty is a menace and I have been saying it since the very beginning. If anyone should be running shit it should be her. Alastor is so feared but it should be herrrr.

I didn't like "The Show Must Go On" as a song but it was sweet in the sense that it was about Charlie and her found family helping her rebuild her hotel and still have the determination to keep going. Also it helps lead off into Season 2.

I'm fucking itching to know what deal is bothering Alastor and who he made it with. It's becoming more likely that it's with Lilith & that's who owns him.

I think it's obvious the deal possibly involve's Alastor to watch over or protect Charlie. Alastor is becoming bothered by having to do this because he literally almost fucking died.

I'm really worried about what Alastor is going to do when he's finally free and under no restraints from who controls him. I know Viv said Alastor isn't an antagonist but she could've just been keeping it a secret.

Alastor really might be a secret antagonist. He'll just be that surprise villain in the end that kinda comes out of nowhere but you still knew it was coming. I wouldn't trust him especially with what he said. Him pulling the strings can't be good.

I can't believe Sir Pentious got redeemed before Angel Dust, but still good for him! I'm so happy he got redeemed he truly is good and deserves it.

I was pissed asf when I saw Lilith in Heaven. Your daughter has been in HELL fucking struggling, while you've been sitting comfy up in heaven, the same place that is fucking YOUR people up!!! Helloooo??

My theory is that Lilith is Eve in disguise. I wholeheartedly believe that because something just feels off?? Y'all feel that too??? Lilith making a deal with Adam? Chilling up in Heaven? NAH MAN.

I also think it could be Eve who owns Alastor and that he knows of her being disguised as Eve, and is in Heaven. Like he's kinda in on it, but more so by force.

[fbfh]

more dad!leo x pregnant!reader parent hcs

wc: 1k

genre: domestic fluff, parents/family/pregnant au

pairing: dad!leo x pregnant!parent!reader (reader is pregnant, otherwise gn)

warnings: tooth rotting fluff, domestic fluff, your baby is adorable, Leo is an amazing dad, mentions of being pregnant, reader and your baby are both called clingy once but it's completly /pos

a/n: begging Leo valdez to impregnate me right tf now lol

tags: @yesv01 @magcon7280 @perseajohnson @afidiofobia @almostjollypizza @fictionalcomforts  @lizziebitch33  @girlfriendwhoseawitch @dustyinkpages @cowboylikekelsey @legramilis @youkissedareaderinthedark @mrscarolscaramoucheplease @inthehoneymoonwithconnorrk800 @cosmiq-cloud @anything-forourmoony @chasingpj @mystic-writings  @dreamerball @if-only-i-was-fictional @2manyobsessions

Brain rot brain rot brain rot

Leo loves every moment of getting to be a parent with you

You’re gonna have a whole passel of kids that are an adorable mixture of all your best parts

And because of that, he works from home a lot of the time

All the engineering projects he’s part of are managed online anyway, and he has a garage at your place where he can build stuff

So most of the time he’s there with you and your babies

But when he periodically does have to go in person for meetings or presentations or to work on bigger bulkier projects that definitely won’t fit in the garage

He always brings back snacks

And sometimes flowers

He came home one day to find you and your little baby sitting on the couch together 

She was only a few months old at this point, and was happily cuddled in your lap

You have on gel eye patches and the coziest pair of sweatpants and one of Leo’s hoodies you stole from him that’s all soft and warm and smells like him

Baby is wearing a fuzzy little onesie with strawberries on it

You’re holding an iced tea and baby’s holding a bottle while you watch some bravo reality show

You gasp at something on the show and take a sip of your drink, shaking your head

Then your baby does the exact same thing, gasping and taking a sip of her bottle

Leo stifles a giddy laugh

It’s the cutest thing he’s ever seen in his entire life

He watches you for a moment, and every time you make commentary and yell at the screen, your baby will babble right along with you

He pulls out his phone to get a video of  the two of you being all cute like this before swooping in to hug both of you

He presses kisses to your cheek then to baby’s and you both giggle

God he just loves you both so much 

You’re so fucking cute every single time that you’ve been pregnant

But you’re extra extra cute during your second pregnancy

Because now you have your precious little toddler following you around everywhere you go 

AND an adorable little baby bump poking out behind your shirts and sweaters 

Leo’s heart explodes each time she hugs your belly and stretches up to press a kiss to your bump

Or when you’re lying down and she talks to your bump, telling her new little sibling what’s going on in the episode of peppa pig you’re watching together

She’s been super involved with helping you and Leo get the nursery set up too

She recently learned that trees make air so she’s very adamant that you should put lots of trees in the nursery so baby has lots of fresh air

You pass by the nursery while Leo’s working on it with your daughter in there and hear them talking about it

“That’s a good idea, mijita. How would we get all those trees in here?”

“We- we could- we… we would dig up the floor, and- and put in dirt.” 

“Oh, I see.” Leo agrees

“We put in soil. So the trees can grow.” She says it so matter of factly that it makes you chuckle

You decide against a dirt floor and live trees, but you find lots of lush potted plants to put in instead

You even put some hanging plants in your toddlers room too

Leo installs some screws in the ceiling and hangs some boston ferns and african violets in her room

When she goes into her room to see the surprise you set up she yells out excitedly

“There’s air in here now!” 

She is so fucking smart

And so fucking weird

For a while her favorite toy

The only thing she would cuddle with or play with

Was a wonky cat toy that says “neither use nor ornament” 

The more scunkly something is the more she loves it

Her favorite game for a while was cushion court, where she would take every pillow and cushion off all the chairs and couches in the living room and reenact court cases from tv and movies

And then after a very long day of settling legal disputes between pillows, you sit down to have some juice and coffee together

After chugging half a bottle of apple juice she lets out a huge sigh 

“Law is hard…” 

Law is hard is going to be a phrase thrown around your house a lot after that 

Leo loves how clingy you get when you’re pregnant too

And of course 

Everything you do, your toddler follows

So while you’re pregnant with your second child, there are countless nights where Leo is sandwiched between you and your daughter while you all watch tv and stuff together 

Each of you is cuddled into his side

And if he tries to get up to get you guys snacks or drinks you’ll both start pouting 

And immediately cling onto him again as soon as he gets back

If he’s gone for too long you’ll both start pouting

And holy shit it’s the most adorable thing he’s ever experienced

The love of his life and your adorable mini me that you made together both needing him this much??

Wanting to be close to him and spend time with him???

Loving to spend time with him and get his attention???

He’s never felt more needed

Or more cherished and loved and valued

Happy

You two just make him so happy

And he’s so so happy to make you guys happy too

You’re living a dream come true together

And neither of you can get enough of it

[scoobydoodean]

I feel like you’re one of the few people I’d trust to ask this of, but I always find myself wondering at the different reactions Dean has to hunting, i.e: Sam and others. Like I don’t think at all that he forced Sam back or was dragging him around or anything like that. But even way back then with Jo he was always like “get away from this life”. And still, especially early on, he seemed to be offended/angry that Sam didn’t like the life/want it for himself. I always personally understood it as a mix of sibling bickering like “ohh you think you’re so much better”, a front so as to pretend “hey everything is fine don’t look too closely” and Sam himself kinda conflating hunting = family and thus had to cut both out to be free of it, so in turn Dean also associated Sam walking away from hunting as walking away from family (reinforced by Heaven and Purgatory, later on, in slightly different ways) (although which came first and/or how much that was influenced by John first is ultimately a chicken and egg situation, I suppose). But I’d like to know if you have thoughts on this? Sorry for the long ask, I hope it was coherent?

NOTE: For anyone looking for commentary on Dean absolutely not forcing Sam back into hunting, my tags #sam the hunter, #sam the family man, and #in which... I am too lazy to write all that out may be of use.

So if I understand correctly, what we're getting at here is that Dean pretty consistently tries to talk people (especially younger people) out of the life or objects to involving them. For example, Jo (2.06), Adam (4.19), Jimmy (4.20), Krissy and her dad (7.11), Krissy's friends (8.18), Claire (10.20). He tries to protect Jesse and Cesar's retirement. But when it comes to Sam, Dean isn't so into trying to talk him out of the life.

To discuss the premise itself first, I can think of the following instances where Dean is hurt, skeptical, or displays some other sort of objection to Sam vs normal life: 1.01, 1.16, 4.22, 5.16, 8.01 (Pine's rewatch notes help me out here too). On the other hand, I can also think of many moments where Dean is supportive of Sam having a normal life or wishes that for him. Starting from 1.06 and 1.18, Dean says that he wishes Sam could just be normal. By 1.07, Dean is suggesting they just stay in the college town representing Sam's wistful desire for normality. I have a compilation gifset of these and a few other season 1 moments here. In 2.20, Dean beams with happiness that Sam is living a normal life and has Jess by his side—this is also despite the fact that he and Sam are estranged in the Djinn dream universe. In season 8, while Dean is hurt and angry that Sam left him to die and abandoned Kevin, when the opportunity presents itself for Sam to get back together with Amelia in 8.10 and go be normal, Dean tells Sam he should go to her if that's what would make him happy. In 8.14, Dean says he wants to do The Trials so that Sam can survive and go be normal. Basically what I'm getting at is that while moments occur where Dean seems hurt by Sam wanting a normal life or has some other objection, there are more moments where the exact opposite is true. This contrast also opens the door for questions about why Dean sometimes reacts negatively and sometimes doesn't (or maybe has to "come around" to the idea). The mixed bag suggests a lot of different and sometimes conflicting emotions, which is very realistic I think.

I don't think every single one of these reasons factors into every single one of the five episodes I mentioned where Dean seems hurt/skeptical about Sam + normal life, but here we go:

First, while Dean tries to push a lot of people out of the life and is also shown to crave a normal life for himself at various points (ex: 2.20, 3.10, 5.17), he does believe that being involved with the supernatural world is physically unavoidable for some people, and that it psychologically gets its hooks into others to the point they eventually can't get out/turn back (ex: 4.19). Jack, Jesse, and Kevin (and Sam and Dean themselves eventually) are examples of people Sam and Dean see as stuck in the life practically, because demons and angels are after them for reasons out of all of their control. However, Sam and Dean were both psychologically stuck in hunting first. For Dean, the house fire and how he was raised leave him feeling stuck in the hunting world. Sam doesn't remember the fire, but follows on John's heels when Jess dies in the same manner that Mary did. The trauma of losing Jess creates a commonality and drive that wasn't present before, causing Sam to say that he and his father aren't different anymore—in fact, they have more in common than just about anyone (1.20). On many occasions, Sam also talks about hunting as an inevitability/something he can't "come back" from at this point even if he wanted to (ex: 2.10, 4.19, 4.21). Closely interrelated, at various points, Sam also says that hunting has become a life he loves and/or prefers to normality (ex: 2.02, 2.20, 4.08, 4.17, 5.12a, 5.12b, 5.12c, 10.18).

Dean's language in 1.01 "Sooner or later, you're going to have to face up to who you really are" suggests part of Dean sees Sam as a hunter at the core from the beginning who is hiding from who he really is deep down. I think there is some truth to this (see my #sam the hunter tag). In that scene in 1.01, Dean generally expresses skepticism that Sam is really capable of leading the life he's trying to live long term. I think Dean also has reason to think that way, given that Sam outright admits he plans to lie to Jess forever... which kind of means Sam stays in the hunter mindset (where you lie to normal people every day to keep up appearances) and never really gets to be himself either way. Dean doesn't think this is practical or healthy and says so (and he's not wrong). All this to say—I think in 1.01, Dean has difficulty understanding that Sam has not (quite yet) fallen into the hunting world. Dean and John are kind of bonded by the shared trauma of losing Mary, but Sam doesn't share that trauma (as Sam himself points out on the bridge, saying he doesn't even remember Mary). Of course, that changes by the end of the episode. 8.01, Dean is just "?!?!?!?!?" because Sam has told Dean point blank on multiple occasions at that point that he prefers hunting to being normal (2.20, 4.08, 5.12) and has been overall rather into hunting, and has voiced the same thinking as Dean in regards to not being able to get out psychologically even if he wanted to (4.19, 5.12). There's a reason that when Sam says he doesn't hunt anymore in 8.01, Dean thinks he's joking at first. (I talk about why Sam left hunting between seasons 7 and 8 here). The thing is is that (unless driven by a burning desire for revenge as in the season 3-4 gap and the season 9-10 gap) Sam will not hunt without Dean. Not because Dean "makes" him hunt, but because Sam doesn't have the heart for the work without Dean by his side. (See the "I can't do it without my brother" 10.18 speech).

SAM: You know, when Dean came to get me at school, I-I told myself… one last job, you know? One more job. And then when – when I, um…. When I lost Jess, I, again, told myself one more job. There’s always one more job, you know? And one more job, and one more job, and then I was gonna go back to law and – and to my life. CHARLIE: You were the Dread Pirate Roberts of hunting. SAM: Yeah. I guess I really understand now that….this is my life. I love it. But I can’t do it without my brother. I don’t want to do it without my brother. And if he’s gone, then I don’t….

Interrelated to the concept of hunting as inescapable and as something Sam voices his enjoyment of multiple times—in 1.01, Dean also (though part bravado) still romanticizes hunting to an extent (though not for much longer—we see this by the time he meets Jo). This definitely factors into how Dean approaches the subject in 1.01, though I don't think it factors into later moments.

Second, Dean is the heart character, and as the heart character, he feels a responsibility to protect people. When he tells Sam in the pilot "You have a responsibility", I think what Dean means is "saving people, hunting things, the family business". It isn't revenge that they have a responsibility toward (Dean will be the one to say he hopes they never find the demon if it means Sam or John killing themselves to end it (1.22) but that from Dean's perspective, Dean's knowledge of what's out there and his proficiency at the job gives him a moral obligation to try and save people in harms way. On the other hand, I don't think Sam feels this way—at least not nearly so strongly. Sam's approach to hunting has always been more family focused imo. Both brothers hunt as a means of coping to an extent, but more largely, Dean hunts because he feels deeply for others and wants—and even feels a duty to—protect people. Sam hunts because hunting makes him feel close to his family and makes him feel known, and because it is where he feels he can be himself (ex: 4.17). More succinctly—for Dean, the order goes, "Saving people, hunting things, the family business" and for Sam, the order goes, "The family business, saving people, hunting things" I think. This difference in motivations occasionally creates interesting tension on the hunt, but it is also creates confusion when Sam has left hunting pre-series, and again in season 8.

SAM: Look, it wasn't like I was... just oblivious. I mean, I read the paper every day. I saw the weird stories… the kind of stuff we used to chase. DEAN: And you said what? "Not my problem"? SAM: Yes. And you know what? The world went on.

8.01 "We Need To Talk About Kevin"

Dean doesn't understand this. He can't wrap his head around it because Dean doesn't think this way, and I'm not sure Dean ever gets exactly why Sam is driven to hunt. He doesn't really get the strength of the family connection for Sam... and Dean has reason not to, because from the outside looking in, Sam cutting Dean out of his life every time he decides he doesn't want to hunt anymore sounds like he doesn't actually care about Dean that much deep down... or at all. So how on earth could Sam's interest in and love for hunting be connected to caring about his brother DEAN???

That brings me to the third reason for some of this occasional hurt from Dean, which is that you're right about Sam (and then Dean in turn) associating normal life with cutting Dean off, because that's what Sam does. Any time Sam goes after a normal life, there seems to be no room for contact with Dean in it. When Sam goes to school, even though his fight was with John, it's implied that he wouldn't take Dean's calls which is why Dean showed up in person (1.01).

NOTE: This period is a little tricky, because the script was supposed to say they hadn't spoken since Sam left at 18, but what accidentally made it into the show is that they may have been in contact for the first two years. The two years wouldn't make things much better though, because with Dean's dialogue "You know, in almost two years I've never bothered you, never asked you for a thing." It still seems like Sam is the one who cut ties.

In 1.16 "Shadow", when Dean brings up wanting to stay together and "be a family again" even after the business with the demon is concluded, Sam makes it clear he's returning to school—which is perfectly fine. However, buried within this conversation is the implication that Dean doesn't want to lose contact with Sam again, and Sam doesn't give any assurances about calling or staying in contact because... he plans to cut Dean off again, even while telling Dean he loves him.

"Dean, we are a family. I’d do anything for you. But things will never be the way they were before. [...] I don’t want them to be. I'm not gonna live this life forever. Dean, when this is all over, you’re gonna have to let me go my own way."

Dean looks at this and goes "?????" because how can Sam talk about how much he cares for Dean and then in the same breath, essentially say he doesn't want to see him anymore after this? That makes no sense... right? And the self-hating part of Dean who believes Meg's manipulative framing in 1.16 about him dragging Sam everywhere even though Sam has repeatedly been the race horse raring for revenge and getting angry when Dean can't pull leads on John or the demon out of his ass thinks maybe he IS somehow responsible for every horrible thing that has happened to Sam and how Sam's life is now. And Dean's insecurities are reinforced too because Sam has thrown it in his face that it's his fault in moments where he was angry and felt a loss of control. So Dean doesn't understand how hunting is actually positively connected to family and him for Sam, and Sam doesn't understand how Dean doesn't understand and doesn't know how to reassure him (5.16), and that's how we get Dean unloading his insecurities about Sam not loving him in 4.22 (to Bobby) and 5.16 (to Sam). In both discussions, Dean's lack of belief in Sam's care for him is closely connected to Sam's desire for normality and how Dean felt tossed away like garbage and like his efforts were never enough. I talk about the dialogue in 4.22 more in depth here (added context of Sam calling Dean weak for his trauma and strangling Dean near unconscious matters lmao). In 5.16, Zachariah (imo) repeatedly pushes the brothers toward Sam's memories of normality and being away from Dean as part of his psychological ploy, and it works even though Sam's strongly stated lack of interest in normality is (arguably) at its zenith (4.08, 4.19, 5.12) because the brothers relationship is so weak from season 4. If we didn't already get it, we as viewers realize Sam loves his brother very much and has many happy memories with him despite appearances in 5.22 when happy memories with Dean are what pulls Sam from Lucifer's control.

Another important episode here in regards to Dean’s perceptions of Sam's feelings versus how Sam actually sees Dean is 2.20 "What Is And What Should Never Be". There's a variety of things to be said about how in Dean's dream, he envisions himself as someone his family would look down upon even in a paradise scenario. However, one of the bits we get from the whole dream is that Dean believes that in normal life scenario, Sam wouldn't want to be around him. Dean envisions himself as kind of a terrible person (and as usual, he is being really ugly about himself in a way that isn't at all warranted), but undoubtably, there's also a classist stench to the scenario—Dean the blue collar worker, Sam the hot shot lawyer who looks down his nose at Dean. I don't doubt that deep down, Dean kind of believes the real Sam sees himself as upwardly mobile and Dean as beneath him. One of the ways Dean potentially forms that conclusion is how Sam treats him over money early in the series. That said, the REAL Sam is surprised by their lack of connection in Dean's "paradise". When Dean suggests that without hunting, they never would have connected, Sam makes it clear that he's glad they have.

But yeah! Those scenes in 4.22 and 5.16 aren't even about Sam wanting to be normal—they're about how Dean feels discarded every time Sam goes after normal (and it happens again in 8.01).

Lastly, Dean's also dealing with jealousy in a couple of these moments. Before we ever met him, Dean had his own wistful desires for normal (9.07, 1.06, 1.13). Safety and a home and normality were things he felt he couldn't ever really have (this also comes post-breakup with Cassie). Even in 8.10, when Dean tells Sam to get back with Amelia if he can, he adds,

And, you know, maybe I'm a little bit jealous. I could never separate myself from the job like you could.

I think this line leads directly back to Dean as the heart character who has extreme difficulty with the concept of burying his head in the sand—something Sam was able to do easily (like... too easily RE: Kevin). I think Dean kind of judges Sam for doing that, but at the same time, Dean also knows he has an overactive sense of responsibility—he just can't shake it despite knowing that (2.20, 5.11, 7.04). So he envies that Sam can even if he thinks Sam leans too far the other direction sometimes.

I also don't think this bit from Shifter!Dean in 1.06 was too off:

You got to go to college. He had to stay home. I mean, I had to stay home. With Dad. You don’t think I had dreams of my own? But Dad needed me. Where the hell were you? [...] See, deep down, I’m just jealous. You got friends. You could have a life. Me? I know I’m a freak. And sooner or later, everybody’s gonna leave me.

I think coupled with that jealousy in 1.01, we also see Dean's resentment, because he sacrificed everything for their family. He sacrificed his childhood to take care of his father who was a mess, and play mother and father to his brother, and he had a gun in his hand meant to kill before he was even 10, and Dean resents all of this. Dean was made to be the responsible one when he was just a child out of necessity, and John (someone Dean repeatedly calls a deadbeat in season 5) took advantage and then discarded him (a part of Dean does know he deserves better), and Sam cut Dean out of his life the moment he was no longer of use. It isn't just that Sam doesn't feel the weight of the burdens Dean was made to shoulder—Sam doesn't even seem to realize they exist, and Dean is resentful. He wants someone in his family besides him to shoulder some of the family responsibilities Dean has spent so long carrying alone. His feelings are misdirected toward Sam in 1.01 in that regard, but they're also very human.

Even so, Dean's love supersedes jealousy and resentment. We see this clearly in 1.18 "Something Wicked", which is all about Dean's childhood being stolen and him being burdened with responsibilities that were too big and blamed for people dying when he was just a child and it wasn't his fault, but at the end of the episode, Dean doesn't wish innocence for himself—he wishes it for Sam. Even though the episode is all about Dean's memory of his own trauma. And in 2.20, in his "paradise" dream, Sam gets to be normal, and he and Sam don't even get along, and Dean doesn't care—he's just over the moon that his brother gets to live a normal life.

[that-birdy-chick]

Part 2 of me rambling about s8 of hawaii five 0

Live commentary

ep 6

- did-did Danny really just organize an intervention for Steve? To make him take better care of himself?? I don't know how to feel about this

- Lou really just said "Steve listen to your husband, he loves you" spoken like a true married man

- kinda gotta agree with Dog, not your finest move Danny

- so can we all agree that Danny losing his mind a little over Steve's radiation poisoning is kinda like the whole Steve losing his mind over Danny retiring thing but in reverse?

- I think Steve has never looked more stressed than with this stress counseler person asking him about his sexlife right in front of danny

- awwww now the end of this episode is in my top 3 favorite heart to hearts these two dorks have ever had

- Danny being honest about being scared that Steve isn't taking his radiation poisoning seriously to the point it keeps him awake at night and steve replying that he's scared too but that he doesn't want Danny to change because he loves him the way he is and that he does take things seriously URHGH

THE GROWTH! The genuinely healthy communication! I'm so proud of them 🥹

ep 7

- no no no what is going on between adam and kono? My breakup senses are tingling and I don't like it

- I swear the way Adam and Steve's conversation in the car went is so "let's talk about our respective marriages" coded

Like honestly it's so blatantly obvious - they are literally paralleling mcdanno to kono and adam ffs

- hey and come on adam you too? Why does everyone need to shit on the restaurant thing

- haha Steve is mad people he cares about just walk into a dangerous situation without backup - I love how this season confronts Steve with his own behavior

-hmm l don't know how to feel about Lou literally deleting evidence to protect tani, really most of their shady "police work" really didn't age well

- damn Steve killed a cop, that's definitely gonna fuck with him

- love how Lou is looking out for everyone, he just is the team grandpa

- sooo adam is gonna join five 0 right? This is what all this is about isn't it?

- I swear I am trying to care about junior and tani and what's going on with them but Idk so far I haven't really warmed up to them

ep 8

- eyyy Danny is back and calls Steve babe within 1 min into the episode? This can only be a good one

- nvm I swear to God Steve if you crash land yet another plane-

Seriously dude? Haven't you learned your lesson from the last time?

- naww Danny is so proud of Steves character development, sure hope he isn't gonna do something dumb and risky and ruin it again

- okay so tani and junior huh? They're definitely gonna be a thing soon aren't they

- the dude was killed because he was hiding from a drug cartel that he snitched on and fled with the drug lords daughter, I swear all these people always have the most dramatic backstories

- aaaand steve is doing the dumb reckless thing, Danny my guy I feel you're pain, he is so done with his shit he doesn't even yell at him anymore

- Danny is such a fucking saint, Steve almost went and got himself killed AGAIN and all he cares about is being last and danny husband of the fucking year just goes "yeah yeah you did well let's get a beer maverick"

- okay tani and her brother are kinda cute in their peek sibling behavior, I feel bad now for calling her a kono replacement, girl is much more than that

ep 9

- damn love Jerry's new haircut

- I will never get tiered of Danny and steve bickering about the restaurant, I know they are setting it up to fail but I genuinely think this could have been a good thing to eventually end the show on, like a retirement thing, but oh well

- aww I love Danny trying to comfort neolani with something Steve told him, only to have it backfire and make him anxious again

- pfffff and tani and junior sit in the far back like literal children

- oh great we're doing the biological warfare stuff again, this should be fun

- so they only have 8 hours to live? sounds like a prime love confession set up to me

- love our respective couples comforting each other, have to say tani and junior are doing a way better job tho like seriously Steve "try not to die while I take this call okay?" that's the best you can do, seriously?

- and of course Danny's all time stress response is to bitch about or at Steve, stellar coping skills all around

- omg danny did not just say-and steve didn't - OMG is it actually-

-nvm of course it's a fake out, damn it after 7 season why do I still keep falling for this shit

-the little restaurant talk Danny started to distract Steve and himself with was pretty sweet tho

- hey, wait why is Danny the only one definitely close to death? The others all seem relatively fine

- and of course Steve has to go and needlessly risk himself, so junior has to safe both their ass's instead of him just doing it on his own in the first place

- excuse me people why are there not more fanfics about the crew stuck in quarantine together?? this shit is hilarious and has so much potential for angst!

Please if anyone has some great fic recommendations send them my way please!

-no come on Danny, Steve didn't wanna upset you! That's honestly a pretty mature thing given the situation you were in, and now their arguing

- poor tani and junior they be stuck with these two idiots for a long time

- I could really see tani, just snapping at them after two days to either kill each other or fuck it out already, because their whole shebang is just exhausting for everyone

ep 10

-AHHHHH they finally opened the restaurant!? Progress!

- why does the screen look weird? Please don't let this be a dream type thing

- "Right now grandma Williams is smiling down at you" awww Steve, that is so sweet🥹

- nooo it's a dream thing 😭

- love how everyone makes fun of Steves near mental breakdown haircut, really dude it looks terrible, why does no one stop him?

- wow you really gonna give em kids the judgemental stares for flirting? Steve Danny as if you're any better

- and of course they're getting jumped in freaking quarantine

- really the dude went through all that trouble, just to kill Danny? And didn't even try aiming for the head? amateur

- aww Danny imagining grace wedding, my heart <3

- Danny is hurt, Steve is freaking loosing it, I'm so here for this

- Lou really said "sir, you better have a plan soon because if you don't Steve will come up with one, and only God can help us if that happens" I love you so much Lou

- huh so Danny thinks Charlie will be a cop? That's interesting

- awww and of course Steve is there, sitting next to him like a good husband, and the rest of the ohana

- nooo Danny being there for kono and adams first kid, that is so wholesome 😭

- Steve is straight up having a terrible time, while Danny has some idealistic feverdream about the future, this is so fun

- excuse me Steve you fingering your husband does absolutely not make you even for the liver thing, you nut

- so there gonna blow up a bomb right next to another bomb? Sure that seems reasonable

- yes Lou! Get the sledge hammer!

- poor Eric, don't worry hun we still have 2 seasons left to go Danny will be fine

- no NO you cannot- you did not just show me that while Danny's dying the last thing he hallucinates about is having grown old with Steve 🥺

- "and if I could do it all over again I wouldn't change a thing" I'm done, this is it, that line just killed me 😭❤️

- excuse me, Danny is dying and you people are choosing NOW to tease Steve about his stupid haircut? Seriously??!

- yes everyone copes differently I guess, but when Steve's life was on the line no one was joking around is all I'm saying

- yes Danny Steve saved your life by fingering you, deal with it XD poor Eric is scarred for life

- love Danny genuinely getting some love for once, this was a good episode

[aliusfrater]

i keep thinking about. What If dean had actually prepared for his death in season three. like, instead of enabling sam's premeditative grief he said i need you to focus on the now and after rather than the hypothetical 'if' that is my life. i am going to die and i need you to be ready for when i'm gone. both in the sense that sam enjoys this last year so there's enough to look back on that makes your grief worthwhile AND there's the set-up of a life worth living for that doesn't include revenge for when i'm gone. kind of like. what sam did making dean promise to go see lisa once he's in the cage

i've always thought that dean's deal for sam's life pretty much mirrors mary's deal for john's life in the sense that. it was always going to play out that way for them and there is nothing to be done to stop it (dean tried to stop azazel and mary but it's revealed that he never could) but there's something else to be said about the cycles of abuse and how they're perpetuated through grief. something else ive always thought about is the fact that the show itself can be seen through the lense of an allegory of perpetuated grief but i also think the cycle of abuse is imperative to the way grief is presented within the show. mary is coerced into a deal with john's life and through her own adamance of escaping hunting (as a metaphor for familial rot or abuse), she refuses to acknowledge that part of herself and it is through this lack of acknowledgement that grief is perpetuated. you have to acknowledge abuse to heal from it and the part of the inherent instability of the nuclear family that supernatural finds itself concerned with creating commentary about/exploring is the part that exists but people refuse to acknowledge. it's ignored for pretty houses in pretty neighbourhoods and obscured behind closed doors and when it leaks out of the holes in the foundation, that's what hunters are for. unpaid and unloved for what they do. through mary's lack of acknowledgement and therefore, lack of preparation, she has cursed the family she's created to perpetuate the cycle of abuse through grief. she dies and john didn't see her death or the thing that killed her coming and the grief is perpetuated through him. his children become victims at the hands of his abuse because of this grief. and it cycles from mary to john and through dean with john's deal for dean's life. "save him or kill him," is a similar ultimatum to that of azazel's own deal when it came to coercing her into her deal; she could either save john or keep him dead but in the end she didn't end up saving him from azazel because the same demon is who ends up killing him, just like sam. dean had never actually gotten the chance to save him or kill him (explicitly, anyway (i love incesthemes' theory that dean did end up kind of killing sam by distracting him from jake and getting him stabbed)) and the cycle of abuse continues in sam's grief and in his relationship with ruby, which is something that blossomed in his/as a direct result of grief for dean

then there's also my idea of sam as a nucleus character for the cycles of abuse and there's a possible connection between him sacrificing his life at the end of season five and pushing dean into getting out of hunting through a situation (lisa & ben) being pretty similar in structure to what he had before season one as being an attempt to escape this cycle of grief. it's very possible that soulless!sam as a character could also represent the very idea of grief itself — grief is, inherently, the loving of the memory of a person you loved. sam existing without a soul, without the parts of sam that dean had been forced to grieve is a shock to reality and it is, to an extent, acceptance of sam's actual 'death'. but then again, despite the brief clarity and relative healing that his escape from the cycle provided, dean does not accept soulless!sam at all. he fights to get sam's soul back and that is against sam's own will, knowing that it could kill sam regardless. the cycle of grief continues in that constant reminder that dean's choice could bring sam's death. likeeeee okay. "the minute he walked through that door, i knew. it was over. you two have the most unhealthy, tangled-up, crazy thing i've ever seen and as long as he's in your life, you're never gonna be happy," and, "i'm not saying don't be close to sam. i'm close to my sister but if she got killed, i wouldn't bring her back from the dead," it's all about the atmospheres of abuse that these relationship dynamics provide!!!! you're going to fall back into it over and over again if you do not process your grief!!!!!!!

[aachria]

I am so unbelievably nervous for this chapter pooks you dont even know it andthe title sure doesn't sound very promising at all

Writing as im reading once again but I noticed how long my chapter commentary has been gwtting so I'll tryyyy to Tone It Down but i make no promises. The length of my commentary is only dictated by how absolutely crazy you decide to make this chapter.

Ace and Sabo giving ed a shovel talk is everything ive wanted since the marriage i beg you to let ace live long enough to get mad at ed for not telling him pretty please 😭🙏

Oooh the gift for Sabo i was gonna send an ask abt it since ive been rereading the fic this weekend but i figured you wouldn't forget it

LUFFY AND SABO INTERACT8ONS 😤🦅😭😤🦅😭😤😭🦅😤😭🦅😭😤😭🦅😭🦅😭🦅🙏🙏🗣🗣🗣‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

Im very much unready to read the strawhats be separated i have cried too many times reading this fic and im certain this will be the worst to date

STOP 😭 ed's jst going on abt keeping the crew safe and i can feel the tears coming

HOLD ON if ed is in fact staying with luffy, thing i should've guessed from last chapter, does that m3an they're meeting boa? Omg. I am suddenly so much more excited for the next set of chapters, thing that i did not think was possible.

Once again i ask myself when the fuck ed learned gymnastics 😭

Not the "i definitely did that on purpose" after they slam into a fucking building like sure you did 🤨 and i definitely believe you 🤨

"Its as straight as you can get" made me crack up

I will be so completely honest with you i have no idea what the fuck is going on like a good 40% of fights but thats jst because i have trouble translating the moves into a movie in my head

"Adam Sandler? What are you doing here? And in a bright yellow pinstripe suit sounding stoned out of his damn mind, too." I had not expected to laugh this much in this chapter i was fr bracing myself to cry. 🧍‍♀️. Now that i think abt it you might just be lowering our guard so that it hits harder 🤨

AND ED'S SAVIOR COMPLEX HITS AGAIN WITH BLAMING THEMSELVES ONCE MORE !!!

so. Luffy and Ed separation. I cant bring myself to be sad this shit was written so well 😭 just "wait for me" and "ill always find you" ugh just throw an "unquestionably" in there and id cry there could be one every chapter and id still cry every single time

Im so fucking excited for ed to meet coin hopefully next chapter 🤭

Amazing chapter as always!! Surprisingly didnt cry!! Thank you!! I cannot fucking wait for the Wednesday chapter

I pulled out the Rio Romeo you KNOW it was gonna be a rough one.

Tfw you're tying to give your baby brother's S/O the shovel talk but you're also stuck in the scaffolding at your own execution and your baby brother's S/O is also your friend who you have cried about your self worth and daddy issues to.

That fucking black book plot bunny has been hopping around FAR TOO LONG, so I had to take it out back and shoot it and by that I mean finally deliver it to it's intended recipient.

Mmmmmmm Boa

Look Ed had gymnastics beamed directly into their head by GOD does that make sense?

When I write combat I do it 70% for the vibes 20% for the quips and humor and 10% for the actual fighting. If you have no idea what is happening you and I are on the same page.

Ed got them self worth issues in them where the dog should be 💪💪💪

God I cannot wait for Coin & Ed content. Love those two.

I am so proud of you for not crying. I cried writing it. That baby was cooked with TEARS.

[fredbydawn]

actually, I'm thinking soooo many thoughts about David transitioning into Amanda.

Cuz you may be wondering "hey, wouldn't Amanda notice that the guy she's tasked with kidnapping is identical to her before she transitioned?" WELL, I think she does. And I think she maybe knows a bit about his life and circumstances. I'm thinking about the commentary from Saw III about Leigh and Shawnee coming up with Amanda's backstory and talking about how she was abused and neglected growing up and turned to self harm and later drugs to deal with her anger. Flash forward to Amanda seeing this angry young man who feels completely indifferent to whether he lives or dies (and also thinking about Adam's explicit death wish from the script and the problems he has with his family, seemingly especially with his father). I think that does stir some feelings in her. And in a weird, idk 'thread of fate' thing, I kind of feel like he kind of senses something in her that is similar to him as well. Like, this is kinda dipping into my 'Adam is an egg' theory, but I feel like in their little interaction on the stairs, Amanda represents to Adam what he could be, and Adam represents to Amanda what she was. Like I sort of imagine that maybe he would look at the picture he took of her, not even really knowing why it's so compelling to him, but a little nagging voice in his subconscious maybe says "that could be you." Meanwhile Amanda sees herself too clearly in Adam. Like, once again thinking about the Saw III commentary and Leigh said something along the lines of "Amanda rigs the traps because she can't bear to see the people in them survive what they've been through," and thinking about how her suffocating Adam was both a twisted act of mercy, but also maybe form of self harm? Like he reminds her too much of the way she was way back when, like the night she was at the clinic and indirectly started the dominos falling that would lead to the games starting in the first place, so in killing him she's maybe also trying to finally kill that old self?

OOUUUGGGHHH ACTUALLY just had a thought, what if the nightmare visions she's having of Adam are actually her being haunted by her previous self circa the night at the clinic/when she got out of prison hhhhhhhhh much to think on...

[silver-itallics]

Last Light

Warnings: canon typical violence, heavy angst, hurt no comfort, you guys will be mad at me

a/n: I was thinking about when Leigh mentioned in the saw commentary that someone wrote a monologue from Lawrence's point of view after leaving the bathroom and I wanted to write one for Adam

"I'm a liar?"

"I wouldn't lie to you."

Liar, lies. Seems like either way, Adam is getting screwed over.

He sits in the dark, dingy bathroom, his eyes still struggling to adjust. His throat is raw and aching from all the screaming and crying. Not even the hardest sex could have done that to him.

God, he's really gonna die having fucked one person.

All of his relationships were mediocre, even the platonic ones. Scott treated him like shit, the guy probably hasn't even noticed that he's gone.

Has anyone?

Lawrence is someone that would be noticed, he's got a wife and kids for fucks sake.

"I've got a family too, Lawrence! I don't talk to them anymore, that's my mistake. A mistake I'd like to fix."

One of the last things he remembers at the apartment is scribbling "Call mom?" On a crumpled post it and sticking it to the wall. The paper has probably fallen down by now. Forgotten.

Are his parents even looking for him?

Probably not. They probably haven't noticed either.

Everything that Adam does ends up screwing him in the end, just like this. But he can't really blame anyone but himself, can he? Not even $200 was worth being stuck in this bathroom. Doesn't even soften the fact that he'll probably be here forever.

The money was meant to go for his food. Not a camera, not developing fluid, not even that shiny new pokemon game Adam wanted. Food.

A necessity he barely even had.

"Why? Call it my need to eat."

He remembers snapping at Lawrence like it was the most obvious answer. But food is a luxury even Adam can't afford. The guy lives off of ramen noodles and sodas from the gas station. Sometimes he even wonders why he never gained any weight since he ate such shit.

His mom was never the greatest cook, but he'd take soggy meatloaf and unseasoned mashed potatoes any day.

At the thought, Adam's stomach rumbles. His guts ache from hunger, but he's not a stranger to it. That's usually how his day goes.

He can't even blame Jigsaw for trapping him here. But in all honesty, Adam has done so much self sabotaging, that he's probably done worse to himself than the man that left him here.

He's felt worse betrayal than when the dead man stood up, peeled the fake skin off his skull and left him here.

"Game over!"

Dead man. Adam squints in the darkness, trying to make out Zep's corpse. He's not even sure why. The first time he saw a dead body, or what he thought was one, he puked his guts out into the tub. Couldn't even keep down his latest meal.

He'll probably starve even quicker now.

The room smells like blood, and his fingers are sticky from the same substance. Not only is he a voyeur, he's a killer. Maybe his last girlfriend was right: he's too angry.

Adam isn't very good at anatomy, at least the human side of it. But he knows he broke through layers of skin and bone when he'd crushed through the hospital orderly's skull.

"It's the rules!"

Knowing now, he feels guilty. Awful, even. Guy probably had a family too, even if he was a bit of a creep. Where do you draw the line of deserving a family? What's so bad that you no longer are worthy of someone related by blood? Adam's probably the worst person to ask that.

He'd stormed out on his parents after a petty argument, an excuse to leave. One that he'd been wanting to have since he was seventeen. Somehow, he'd convinced himself that they wouldn't accept him, even if they let him drop out of high school and didn't even call the cops when he left. But was that tolerance or pure disinterest?

Maybe he's not a total waste of time, since his mom had called not long before he got his power knocked out the same way he was.

"Adam, your father's not angry anymore."

Lawrence had a home, a family. A good one, too. The pictures he saw of Diana and Alison made him crack a smile. At least before the one with them tied up. He shivers, probably both from disgust and blood loss.

His shoulder aches, oozing blood all over his shitty thrift store clothes. Adam understands why Doctor Gordon left. He has some place to go, people to welcome him home with open arms. Most places Adam went, he wasn't even noticed.

He kicks with his right foot in anger, the chain rattling as he does. The metal bites into his skin and the amount of pain he's in is just frustrating at this point. Adam screams, but his voice is raw and broken.

As much as he hopes the doctor will come back for him, at least he has half the brain to know that Lawrence probably won't make it. The man that he's had the first physical touch from in months is probably bleeding out in the sewers, and there's nothing he can do about it.

He doesn't even have a choice to cut off his foot like the doctor did. Sure, the blood loss will probably kill him, but Adam is sick of waiting around for something to happen. A job to drop, a phone call.

But he can't even do that.

The hacksaw he found in the toilet had snapped in half. A result of his ever consuming anger. Seems like everything he does leads back to that.

"I see a strange mix of someone who's angry, yet apathetic. But mostly just pathetic."

If Adam isn't angry at the world, he's angry with himself. He feels like a waste of space on the good days and a tumor on the face of the earth on the bad ones. At least with photography he felt like he had a purpose, even if it was supplying creeps and weirdos with material. He wasn't really helping anyone, was he? Even Tapp ended up dead.

But Lawrence helps people. Even if he thought the guy was initially a jerk, Adam admires him. Misses the man's blood stained hands as he cupped his cheeks.

"I wanted to be a vet."

That way, he'd benefit the world somehow. Even if he was pulling tennis balls out of dogs' throats or cleaning up puke every day. He'd much rather smell vomit, as he's getting quite sick of the coppery scent of blood.

"That's nonsense. I've seen kids with brain cancer graduate high school from a hospital bed."

"They got further than I ever did."

Adam has been pretty able bodied his whole life. While he'd consider it a nuisance that his body doesn't match up with his own view of himself, that's not a disability.

Maybe his parents wouldn't even mind, maybe they'd help him with the cost of surgery and injections. But he hadn't even told them. His parents barely know who he is. Adam barely knows himself.

"What do voyeurs see when they look in the mirror?"

Nothing. The answer is nothing.

He's like a leech, sucking the energy and luck out of everyone around him.

Now he's left to sit in his own grave- metaphorically and literally. He probably won't even have the luxury of being buried or cremated.

Hopefully someone will come around and put him out of his misery. Like a calf with two heads or a dog with rabies.

But until then, he's left to wait.

[syrupsyche]

Chapter 3 of "Even If There Are Monsters" Director's Commentary

I wrote a Les Mis x Dracula AU! Feel free to read the commentaries for Chapter 1 and Chapter 2 first

Now onto Chapter 3!

Jean Prouvaire’s touch reminded me of our friendships and, in turn, our shared dedication in helping Enjolras recover.

One of the main "themes" of the fic was the Power of Friendship and I wanted to emphasize throughout that its only bc of the love that they have for each other that helps them get past this tragedy. Not sure if it came across well, though 😔

“I think I am dying, Cosette.”

Enjolras did not look afraid, or even sad; merely tired.

One of my favourite tropes is Character Who Knows He's Going To Die and Accepts It. Enjolras has this back in the brick, and so does Lucy in the original novel too, and so I decided to mash it together and prolong Enjolras's and his friends' suffering :-) makes it even more painful when he can't even die in peace!

“I am capable of it,” Grantaire insisted. “I have not had a drop of alcohol for a month; I eat regularly; I am healthy. Ask Bahorel; I box with him often and he can vouch for the abundance of blood I have. I have much to give. Let me give this to you.”

“It is dangerous; you do not know what you are offering.”

“I know exactly what I am offering. I offer you my life, my whole being. I will have Combeferre drain me of every drop if need be.”

“Be serious,” Enjolras snapped.

“I am wild,” Grantaire pressed.

This is, of course, a rewrite of 4.1.6: Enjolras and his Lieutenants. I can't help parodying quotes from the brick; it's my guilty pleasure :p The situation, of course, is different here: Grantaire isn't joking now when he says he would do anything, and Enjolras is reacting out of fear for him rather than annoyance. Just angst all around!

Seeing from his violent demeanour that he was French, they gave him a ticket for the furthest station the train could reach.

One of the funniest changes I've made: the original sentence stated that it was from Jonathan's violent demeanour that he was English, but Marius being French seems to fit "better" :p

My luggage is almost packed and I shall be gone in the morning; M. Courfeyrac shall accompany me. He was Marius’ first friend when he originally arrived in Paris and has been with him in every step of his courtship; he deserves to see him. If we are truly to be married there, then M. Courfeyrac shall serve as a witness too.

I had Courfeyrac get out of Cette because I needed to kill off Enjolras and I couldn't for the life of me figure out how to make sure he was alone when he was attacked. So JBR I shipped to an inn and Prouvaire off doing research, then I decided to simply incapacitate Ferre/Bahorel/Feuilly, but having Courf in there too felt too big of a group by then. And so I kicked him out <3 why I chose Courf instead of any other Amis was because he was, indeed, Marius's closest friend, and Feathraly enjoyed Courf/Marius/Cosette as a possible ship too, so that was a way I could have sprinkles of that in there (though it isn't a CANON canon ship in the fic). Alas, that meant that Courf never got to say a proper goodbye to Enjolras :'(

“You do not understand, Enjolras. I will follow you wherever you go.”

“Not even you are capable of following me past death, Grantaire.”

He fixed a terrible stare on me.

“You will see.”

This is a subtler rewrite of 4.12.3: Night begins to descend upon Grantaire. In the brick, Enjolras claims Grantaire is incapable of living, dying etc. and Grantaire tells him to wait and see. It's different here now, ofc: Enjolras instead tells Grantaire that he cannot follow Enjolras and die too, but Grantaire, since the start, seems quite adamant on not living past his death.

I am about to die; I write this note with the last of my strength. This is an exact record of what took place tonight.

Lucy's memorandum haunted me when I first read it: the knowledge that she was falling closer and closer to death, and that something has entered the house and hurt the people she loved; it shook me to the core. I changed some stuff with Enjolras's memorandum, but ultimately left him with the same sense of overwhelming dread that The End is Near.

“Speak to me,” Grantaire began to plead. “Let me hear your voice, Enjolras. I will do whatever you want me to; I can do it, I am capable of it. Simply say the word.”

If one were to read the NSFW sequel to this fic, this line appears as well, in an obviously very different context 😈. even in my PWP i have to include tragic foreshadowing 😔

I doubt I shall open this book again. I do not wish to read my notes and see only the moments when I had failed to save Enjolras. Have I told anyone this before? That I became a doctor because of my memories of him, ill in his childhood bed and unable to play and read with me? I had hoped one day to cure him of this illness that has always plagued him; I see now that I have failed.

Writing this made me sad :(( obviously readers know that it wasn't Enjolras's usual illness that killed him, it was Actual Vampire Dracula (though Combeferre does know there's something else that has caused Enjolras's death, but still believes that it was the illness that had weakened him considerably beforehand). This is where, I think, one could really feel the one-sided Enjolferre 😞😞.

And that is it for tonight! Check back tomorrow for Chapter 4!! 🤩

[just-jae]

Hazbin Hoetl 5-6

Spoiler warning!

Not gonna lie, at first I was cringing a bit at Lucifer. I was expecting him the have, like, grace and baddie energy. but he's talking to himself pretending to show off rubber ducks to a crowd.

And of all the potential dynamics he and Al could have had, competing father figures was NOT on my mind at all dude. Al? Dad?

But, I watched these last two episodes a couple (okay maybe several) times over and, it's really growing on me. It was definitely the predeveloped impressions getting in the way of really enjoying these characters. Even the irks I had about Alastor aren't really irks anymore, especially with "Dad beat Dad having much better animation and a banger number for Al (seriously wtf he's horrific in this episode)--

"Could you butt out of my song?"

"Your song? I started this!"

"I'm singing it, I'll finish it!"

Before, I was seeing it as how well they pull off my (and arguably the long simmering fandom's) idea of these characters instead of how well the characters as they actually are are told. So many people thought this show would be a super serious deep dive on Christianity and commentary on religion itself. But at this point, it really feels like Heavan and Hell are metaphores. They focus a lot more on personal issues like relationships, coping mechanisms, flaws like nievety, displaced senses of self worth, etc.

Charlie's idea of what "gets people into heaven" is naive and brochure-like. Adam gave a literal list of three items that seemed overly simplistic (and turned out to be wrong).

But at least they had some idea about it. The higher angels themselves had no clue whatsoever, their only concern was preserving the status quo. And even when things are called to question they fall back to old ways just bc they're scared to change anything. Sera didn't have any malice toward Hell, she just doesn't want to make things worse, having Angels fall, have Hell attack Earth or Heaven, have more evil spread, by changing things.

Getting a better idea of what all of this is about makes it so much easier to appreciate things I initially was put off by. It just has a context that it fits into now.

Lucifer being this disillusioned depressed dork with "yeaaaah, No." energy fits into what we've seen of heavenly culture (uncanny innocence, annoying teen pop-culture energy, being perfectionist yet blind to their own flaws)

And The "Hell's Great Dad" song really broke the ice, especially when Mimzy busted in singing ITS MEEEEEEE-- like

Love her. I wasn't expecting to see Mimzy AT ALL since she was removed from the main cast. And after seeing people talk about her and how they were wondering about her, it definitely felt like popping in the way she did was a response to that. Even I was wondering bc you don't just drop a former love interest for a character like Alastor, but still have them show up in the pilot-- I wanted to see Mimzy lol.

like literally:

"It's MEEE, It's MEEE,

I know you were all waiting for MEEEE!

I'm Here, what a GAAAS,

Took a while but I'm here at LAAST"

Like, im sorry but I felt like she was pointing at me personally, not the other characters, and that was hilarious.

It's so random but doesn't feel out of place at all somehow. The tensions were already super high, so a random screaming woman busting in with even higher energy is like-- wtf?? :'D??

She was a blast the entire time tho, and actually tied into the reoccurring theme of only reaching out to someone so they can do something for you.

It also definitely pinched a side of Alastor, irritating that he does apparently NEED to be there, there's some obligation he actually has to the hotel, or at the very least some stakes to not holding things together, not bc he defended the hotel but bc he specifically says "I can't have that here" , he also doesn't refute the claims Mimzy makes about him. Al clearly adores her and isn't surprised by her antics at all yet still tells her to leave. With the mention of Alastor's "leash" in the same episode BC of Mimzy was just such a great way to use her character. A fun entrance, thematic relevance, and a great plot device to reveal more about Alastor's situation and motives.

Like I said, at first the food tasted cold. I was thinking to myself "Eh, nothing really that crazy ig" but the more I watch the episodes and get over whatever my expectations were, the more I enjoy what's there.

Like, at first I was thinking, "Oh no Lucy's another akward dork, a normie, a loooooserr" (not that being an akward dork or a normie is bad but those were the vibes I was giving off, I'm sorry)

But I keep watching "Hell's Greatest Dad" and NOW it's like

LOOK AT HIM< LOOK AT HIM GO

Like, he's fugghing adorable with the "WAP BAP BOOM"

the puppets and the circus imagery, and just the innocent unmalicious enthusiasm. He's stumbling around over barely knowing his daughter and is now sprinting to make up for being so absent-- and even that absence is implied to be due to chronic depression and pining, missing heaven and having to live in hell forever, not only being the one who supposedly created it by accident, but tried and failed to fix it, even having his own theme park ripped off by a deadly Sin. The show calls it out bluntly, but despite his cheery tone and, yeaaah, no, yeaaah, no" attitude, they did a great job showing that his depression manifested in detachment and disinterest. It sucks for the people it effects but it also sucks to be the one who dropped the ropes in your relationships.

So seeing him brjghtenup and glow over just helping his Charlie put her hotel together was great. He feels useful and wanted again. And imo it's a double edge sword as well if Lucy feels like he has to be useful to be a decent dad.

So, idk. I guess I do want to see how he handles trying to be in Charlie's life again, especially since, at this point Alastor knows and has supported her more than he ever has-- despite the rough beginning and the mockery. (Also Lilith's face being faded out was sus af)

I'm convinced that in Al's case it's definitely not from a genuine place, at least, we still have no reason to believe it is. He was glaring at Lucy as soon as he walked in, and the nearly every comment on how great his relationship with Charlie is was also a jab to piss off Lucy instead of a genuine expression.

A performance, in short.

Still, the fact that someone who's only just met Charlie has a better relationship with her than her father has got to suck to realize if you're the father.

Also-- the scene at the club-- I was pretty mixed about it, like, doing drugs, itself isn't bad-- it can be unhealthy and it can put others at risk if you're resigning your cognizance and self control for the sake of coping with stress-- so it can very easily enable bad things, especially if you become addicted, so,imo is pretty wreckless and definitely a vice. But it doesn't make you a bad person.

But then again angels also seem to think premarital sex and promiscuity is bad too. (Promiscuity puts you at risk for disease, and like drugs can be driven by vices, but, again, the thing itself isn't bad and can still be a healthy practice when it comes from a healthy place)

I'm genuinely proud of Angel for actually growing though, seeing him take care of Nifty and protect her from Val got me on the "Fuck em up" energy. It's always great to see a group of friends watching out for eachother when they know there's a danger to what they're doing-- ESPECIALLY when one of them is new to it all. That's why if you ARE going to do drugs or drink or whatever, definitely don't do it alone or without someone you trust with your safety.

And also never feel like you have to do those things to maintain relationships, some people feel like it would be an insult to imply they dont trust someone or just for being disinterested in their offer. And, frankly there are people who will prey on that.

That was just a great scene. It had some flaws, but was still great.

Also--

PENTIOUS

I HATE

BROTHERMAN MADE ALL THE MISTAKES.

"Bc I'M HAVING SEX WITH EVERY--"

THATS NOT WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY YOU FUCK

Also, not gonna lie but Sera's got me like

Its been a while since I've been down bad for a femenine character.

She is beauty, she is grace~

[fantasiacafecat]

I noticed I didn't post any LGBTQ+ stuff or any Skyrim modded Follower content in more than a week. So why not make both right now?

Lgbtq+ headcanons with the Dovahkrew

These are Sexuality and romantic orientations not gender orientation headcanons. Sorry. These are also MY headcanons so if they don't match up with your headcanons it's not personal so please don't get mad at me. I am curious to see your headcanons as well though.

Inigo- Heteroflexible. He is most definitely interested in women and I always head canon that after the events of Skyrim he does settle down with the woman of his dreams who just happens to own a sweet roll shop. But I also feel like he would definitely point out a man's beauty. He seems like a very comfortable in his Sexuality kind of guy.

Lucien- Questioning Asexual Biromantic. He seems more interested in knowledge and learning other things than a relationship. And if someone did ask about his orientations then I feel like he wouldn't be able to answer that because he doesn't really try to experiment with romance of any kind.

Kaidan- Bisexual with maybe a fem preference (including feminine or men). I also see him as Pansexual because honestly I don't think he really cares about what gender his lover is.

Auri- Sapphic or Lesbian. I mean her creator basically made it Canon that she Prefers women.

Rumarin- Panflux 100%. Gender doesn't get in the way when it comes to any type of attraction to one another.

Vilja- I really only know her from a video of Inigo dialogue they have together. If I had to make a guess I would say she's straight or Pan, but I'm leading more into Straight.

Sofia- Bi with a big male preference.

Hoth- I really wish there were more videos and content on his commentary in Skyrim because I don't have him, but I'm interested him so much that I'd love to know more about his character. I feel like he doesn't use labels and gender isn't that much of an issue when it comes to love.

Taliesin- Pansexual. I mean come on its THE Talisman.

Gore (aka bby girl)- Questioning Omnisexual. It just feels right to me

Caryalind- I can't remember if rabbit said his sexuality was Demiromantic Asexual. I know he is Ace (or at least on the Ace spectrum) but I can't remember is they anything about being demi. I think he's Demiromantic.

Lucifer- Polysexual but I feel like he does have a male preference though I could be very very wrong. It's so funny because I play with him a lot on Skyrim but barely know anything about him. He holds grudges, he's very secretive (good on him because i would be too if i was in his situation), and he loves argonians. He seems to look up to Xelzaz and Inigo (and in some sense he does seem to be very enthusiastic when first meeting Nebarra until he realizes he doesnt like his personality) a lot which is what fueled my belief that he's maybe Achillean (Sapphic but for masculine terms instead of feminine).

Nebarra- I 100% believe that he refuses to use any labels. I think he might lean toward women a bit more, but that would only be because of how altmer are only raised to make the perfect child, so opposite sex relationships are probably the most common in the Summerset Isles. His fixation with Niranye and past relationship with Camia shows that. He doesn't seem Asexual because he doesn't hide the fact that he does enjoy the idea of doing the naughty naughty. His commentary on Dibella, Dibella Sybil quest, in the Night to Remember he says how he hopes we got to experience the Dibellan arts, and how he jokes about being Lucifer's father just prove that.

Xelzaz- Don't get mad at me, but I think he's straight. He says when hes ready he's like to marry a female argonian, and the only other time he's fallen I love was with another girl. I don't think he's asexual, but I think he definitely isn't very interested in it though we wouldn't really know because he seems very adamant on wanting to keep that part of his life private (as he should I love a king that doesn't feel like he has to tell us his sexual life).

Remiel- Asexual Panromantic. It was already proved Canon that she's Asexual. I had the conversation with her where she tells is she doesn't feel sexual feelings towards someone as she does with romantic feelings (also good on her. Not every relationship needs to have sexual desire in them). She's fallen in love with boys before and didn't seem too mad about being arranged to another man so I don't want to label her as Sapphic. And she does fall in love with you regardless of gender and I haven't seen anything that says she has a preference from the creator so I believe she's panromantic.

Secunda- I really don't know her that much yet as I'm still playing with her. First impressions is telling me panflux though I could be wrong though.

Extra!

Serana- Without the SDA. She always gave me Asexual Biromantic vibes.

Teldryn Sero- Haven't started A serious Teldryn mod yet so I don't know too too much about his personal preferences, but he seems like the type who doesn't really use labels. Though I'm positive he is Bisexual.

Karina- Panromantic Demisexual. It was confirmed by the one who made her @jewelthejaguar742

Arstul- Asexual Omniromantic with a male preference. Talked with @joonjii about it and it's confirmed. However, they also said he could be panromantic with a male preference too but they said my opinion was valid and technically right.

I might post sexuality headcanons for all my dragonborn and follower ocs

[humbledragon669]

S1E4 – Saturday Morning Funtime Write Up P4 - Saturday (The last day of the World) from "You bad angels!

It’s no good, I’ve had to resort to making my own banners. I don’t think we see another one for a little while. And it just looks so much more inviting to start a post with a nice pretty picture, don’t you think? Cool, let’s see if we can’t finish up this episode.

This scene in the woods provides an interesting subtextual commentary about people being capable of becoming very rational and emotionally intelligent when faced with dangerous situations, whilst the instigators of those same dangerous situations being capable of regression to more childlike behaviours and attitudes. And we finish the scene with the first undeniable display of something that’s not of this world about Adam as he levitates off the ground, clearly terrifying Pepper:

Some questions about the upcoming scene:

Anathema’s research boards. I’m sure there’s a good reason that she has to have two walls full of scribbling, but why does she need two maps that are exactly the same?

Anathema knew when Newt was going to show up, almost to the minute. Why didn’t she know the same details about the timing for the arrival of the tornado? And even if she didn’t know the timing, I’m fairly sure they would have been able to hear the wind outside the house before opening the door.

Why, when they go back into the house, do they go straight from the front door to Anathema’s bedroom? I know she has knowledge of the events to come from Agnes, but the entry back into the house doesn’t seem particularly well thought through. It just seems like strange behaviour to do that when they could just as easily have gone into the kitchen from the front door.

Why has someone written “sherbet lemons” on the prophecy about the upcoming coupling of Anathema and Newt (which apparently is “opaque, even for Agnes”)? I know they were used as a linking device with the missing nuclear reactor, but this prophecy has nothing to do with that.

Why has the pin in Shadwell’s map been shoved exactly in the map icon for Jasmine Cottage?

I know Shadwell pushed it in to mark Tadfield, but how did he manage to single out the exact building where Newt would end up? Newt hadn’t meet Anathema before he left London, so there’s no way either of them could have know that’s where he was destined for. Side note: how beautiful is that zoom-out shot to get from underneath Anathema’s bed, out through the roof, transitioning into the map in Shadwell’s apartment? What an incredibly stunning and beautiful way to get the audience from one location to another without feeling disjointed.

What insult exactly is Shadwell trying to throw at Madame Tracy? The line in the Script Book backs up what’s on film, and reads “murrain plashed berrizene”. Apparently “murrain” is an epidemic in sheep and/or cattle, and to “plash” is to cause a splashing effect. The word “berrizene” appears to be made up. Even without knowing what the last of these three words is supposed to mean, the idea that Madame Tracy has been spattered with a bovine disease is pretty repugnant to say the least. I’d wager that she has no idea what any of those words mean, because even the most smitten (smited? smote?) of kittens couldn’t interpret that as a compliment, though it’s also possible she’s well aware that she’s the only person he throws offences that heinous at, revealing his true feelings for her.

Why is the bed spinning? If the shot through the springs is anything to go by, it would appear that it’s not just the bed but also the rug that it stands on, complete with Anathema and Pulsifer on it. And it’s not exactly spinning slowly. It’s a wonder they didn’t get physically sick from dizziness.

Absolute kudos to the prop guys here by the way: the map we see in Shadwell’s apartment is an OS map of Hambleden – the village used as the stand-in for Tadfield. The map appears to be an exact replica of the map for the area, but with an additional building inserted for Jasmine cottage.

I have to say I feel a little sorry for Adam in this next woods scene. He’s just a child, who has grown up with no knowledge of the power he wields or its consequences, and deep down he just wants to please the people in this life that he loves. He’s offering the rest of The Them what he thinks should make them happy – the opportunity to never have to do anything they don’t want to do. His fury is triggered by the frustration that his gestures aren’t being received in the way that they were intended. It must be very confusing for a young boy to be faced with all of that. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not endorsing the removal of somebody’s mouth as a way to combat this tumult of emotions, just saying I feel that he’s as much a victim in this storyline as anyone.

Note for future reference: Aziraphale’s angel rank is disclosed to us in the book shop as being at the principality level. There is also a whole paragraph about his official title in the book. There are quite a lot of things to be said about his title and how it fits with the rest of the Heavenly organisational structure, so I’m going to look at it in a future post just about that. So, for now all I’ll say is Aziraphale = principality. Noted.

Another note for future reference: Aziraphale doesn’t recognise the voice or face (or indeed purpose) of the Metatron. This is something that comes up much later in season 2, and on a much wider and more obvious way, so I’m going to address that elephant in the room when I get to that point (and hey, it’ll help delay the inevitable write up of the Final 15, which I am already dreading, despite it being more than an entire season away from where I am now).

I also find it interesting that Aziraphale has to ask if he’s speaking to God. We know that he refers to God as a female entity, yet the voice that speaks sounds definitively male. You’d also think that Aziraphale would know the voice of God when he hears it. Ultimately, he’s clearly pretty uncomfortable that he’s not getting to speak to the only being that he thinks is able to fix the situation, but he realises he has little choice in the matter.

I absolutely love the strength of Aziraphale’s characterisation in this conversation with the Metatron. The fact that, whilst staring Armageddon in the face, the first concern he raises has to do with little scrap he had with some other angels, and despite the fact that he knows his time is short, his sense of righteousness in seeing those bullies are dealt with in an appropriate way still trumps his need to save the world. Well done, Angel, way to show how non-selfish you are. He makes up for it with his dogged determination that this has all just been a big mistake, his surety that this has all been caused by the loss of the Antichrist child and that Heaven can’t possibly really want the war that they are careening solidly towards. He’s so sure in fact that he completely misses the sarcasm in The Metatron’s “praise”.

It’s actually quite heartbreaking when the realisation that Heaven fully intends to have this war, regardless of any external circumstances, finally filters into Aziraphale’s brain. We can see from his reaction that he was genuinely convinced that Armageddon could just be called off if he could get the message through to the right being, the one his moral code dictates is the best being.

Watching the hope slide off of Aziraphale’s face really does feel pretty devastating. Perhaps not quite as devastating as the look of grief we see from him as he looks around his book shop.

What I find interesting about this part of the conversation is that the Metatron offers Aziraphale the opportunity to join their armies. There’s no compulsion, no threatening – there’s even a compromise that the gateway will be left open for him to use when he’s ready. Granted there is an assumption that Aziraphale will do nothing else but take his place amongst the Heavenly hoards, but the offer itself is of a very different tone to that we saw from the archangels on the street outside.

And here’s where all the pieces finally do all come together – we now have all of the timeline to be able to put them together. We’re back at step 6 of the timeline:

It’s almost a relief at this point to see that the first thing Aziraphale does after he’s left alone in the book shop is pick up the phone to call Crowley. It’s immediate too – no hesitations, doubts or second thoughts. And we get an extra line of dialogue from that telephone conversation that we didn’t hear before as a reward for finally solving the riddle of the timeline:

Remember what I said about him not knowing he was talking to an answerphone? Well in that case, it’s quite sweet hearing this line really – he’s settled right back into the comfortable patois of their usual conversations. No hurt, angry, or uncomfortable feelings about both of the break-ups they’ve been through in the 24 hours previous, just an absolute certainty that they can pick things up where they left off and work together as a team again. Because isn’t that what they’ve been doing for millennia? Regardless of whether you think they’re actually in a romantic relationship or not at this point, or how long that might have been going on if you do, you can’t deny that their working relationship has been in place since “the beginning”, even if it was only formalised less than a thousand years before.

 I need to take a moment to appreciate the soundtrack to this scene in the bookshop. It first caught my ear because I felt like there was an something about it that reminded me of the Witches of Eastwick soundtrack, with its heavy emphasis on the violin part (which might be a duet, rather than a solo instrument with double stopping), which in and of itself would be a lovely little reference to have, now that our Witchfinder Sargeant is about to perform an “exorcism”. There are some cute little parallels in that idea – after all, Daryl van Horne being dismissed by women who had previously welcomed him into their lives using the very thing that frightens them about him isn’t so dissimilar to what’s about to happen. I got a bit distracted from this idea when I listened to the piece of music in isolation on the soundtrack. After “End Titles”, I think it immediately took second place for my favourite piece on this soundtrack. The treatment of the melody from the main theme in the violin is inspired and it builds, not exactly from quiet beginnings, but from a place of tension that grows and grows as it becomes more epic when the choir comes in, and that tension is really polished off when the guitar re-enforces the driving bass line towards the end of the piece. The use of a harpsichord to provide the answering phrases to the violin(s) provides a connection to a lot of the other orchestration settings we’ve already heard throughout the season, and the arrangement makes use of percussion and some techniques with string instruments to really set the scene (I think the odd “whiny” noise might be glissando strings played with the wooden part of the bow, rather than the horse hair). Honestly, outstanding work (in my opinion anyway).

Right, a quick note to move me away from that music, because I feel like I could talk about it all day. I find it interesting that Shadwell refers to Aziraphale as “foul fiend” here. It’s the same phrase Aziraphale used to refer to Crowley way back in episode 1 when they entered the book shop. We’re coming back around to the idea from Anathema that the meaning of words and the judgements that are made with them being entirely dependent on one’s own preconceptions and contextual setting. Aziraphale is too surprised by Shadwell’s appearance to notice that particular slur, but he’s very quick to point out that he doesn’t have anything to do with getting women to do anything for him.

I love this little scene between Aziraphale and Shadwell, I feel like there are so many things to appreciate about it, not least the angel’s initial response to being told he’s about to be exorcised:

Yes, fine, but please, keep away from the circle.

There’s Shadwell’s incredibly ironic choice of book, in a building full of tomes, to serve as an exorcism tool (I mean really, a Witchfinder using a book written by the last true witch in England to exorcise a demon from somebody, it’s too ridiculous). There’s Aziraphale processing that somebody has accused him of being a demon and realising how ridiculous that really is. There’s the use of one the angel’s most hated words, by him himself, to try and get his message across. There’s Shadwell telling Aziraphale to go to whence he came from (which he’s about to do, albeit rather unwillingly). There’s the little noise of a firework exploding as Aziraphale is discorporated. There’s the confirmation that there is a compass in the middle of the shop, with the portal to Heaven lying at its centre. There’s Shadwell’s pitiful and confused “Hello?” to an empty space after he’s just witnessed the only being that was inhabiting it burst in white sparks. And there’s the music. Did I mention the music? Oh, and there’s this, which I feel needs no explanation or subtitling:

Largely though I just spend most of this exchange wondering why Aziraphale doesn’t just give Shadwell a hearty shove backwards – that really would have avoided a whole lot of trouble.

As a final side note for this episode, it’s nice to see that the first thing to catch fire is the programme for the musical that we know Aziraphale has little regard for, even if it’s his boss’s favourite.

And there we have it. High drama to lead us into the penultimate episode of the season. As always, questions, comments, discussion, always welcome! See you next time 😊

[gallyg]

The Killer Inside: Amanda Young in Saw X

Amanda is a weird character. Her first act as a disciple of Jigsaw is to assist with the bathroom game of Saw I by kidnapping Adam Stanheight. The struggle to subdue Adam leaves Amanda a panicked mess, which she is visibly still calming down from when she delivers Adam to the bathroom. When the game is over, Amanda can't stand the thought of Adam slowly starving to death, alone in the dark. She violates John's command. She breaks the rules. She kills Adam. John sees all of this and says nothing.

The next time we see Amanda in the chronology of the classic films, she appears to be a fully-fledged Jigsaw killer. If you think about Saw II's plot twist and take it seriously, everyone in the nerve gas house was a bit player in the real game, Eric Matthew's game. Amanda calls Eric "[her] first test subject," which means that John was actually assisting Amanda on this particular Jigsaw operation by talking to Eric for two hours. What a cool, supportive dad. And Amanda seems so much more confident in this one! Saw II was one of the more elaborate schemes pulled against law enforcement in the franchise, and Amanda was the mastermind at the core of it.

For contrast, though, consider how legitimately scared and traumatized Amanda is by Xavier's rampage and Laura's death in the nerve gas house. Was that all an act? I don't know. Recall that five minutes after being locked in the bathroom, Eric Matthews beats the shit out of Amanda and calls her "nothing, bitch," sending her into a PTSD doom spiral that ends in her attempting her second off-book murder. Was that an act? I don't think so. Amanda in the Saw II era puts on a great show of being the next Jigsaw, but it is an illusion.

Saw X explores the path from Amanda's Saw I-era anxiety to her Saw II-era mask. The intermediary step proposed is an interesting one; what if Amanda simply expressed her misgivings to John, attempting to reason with him? "Perhaps," Amanda seems to think, probably subconsciously, "if I had simply asked John if I could free Adam, he would have let me. Nobody had to die." And so Amanda pleads to John that Gabriela isn't so bad that she needs to play a game, that her soul is not so thoroughly corrupted that this is the only option left. John does not hear these pleas.

This is extremely interesting to me for a few reasons. For one, it suggests a capacity for emotional intelligence Amanda has not previously demonstrated. The Saw movies don't explore Amanda's life before being arrested and framed by Eric Matthews, but DVD commentary for Saw III suggests that that film was made with unspoken assumption that Amanda holds a deep-seated anger within her, originating from her experiences growing up with an abusive father. This creates a picture in the mind of Amanda being someone who never had a chance at a normal life at all. But in Saw X, we see Amanda expressing her desires with expectation that they might be considered fairly. She learned that confidence, however small, from somewhere, however distant. Her life could have been different.

How tragic, then, for Amanda's concerns to be fully dismissed. She was an abused child, wrongfully convicted as a young adult, became a heroin addict in prison, and was then tortured by John Kramer. There's no way Amanda has a surplus of people in her life that she would feel comfortable opening up to, especially considering the few pre-Jigsaw relationships of hers we know of.

Beyond just rebuffing the plea to free Gabriela, John then goes on to belittle Amanda, asking her how she will ever handle anything if she can't handle this ("this" being, again, not torturing a young woman, possibly to death, for being a drug addict). Remember that Eric Matthews belittling Amanda is what drove her to attempted murder. This is a real pain point for her in the Saw II era, and we see the seed of that pain point here in Saw X. John Kramer is another abusive father figure.

The second reason I'm fascinated by this moment of Amanda requesting an alteration to John's plan is because of how this frames the arc of John and Amanda's relationship. First, in the Saw I era, Amanda's insecurities are unhidden yet undiscussed. Then, in the Saw X era, her insecurities are expressed but ignored. Finally, in the Saw II era, Amanda hides her insecurities behind a mask of confidence.

(Not to get ahead of myself, but this trajectory aligns well with Amanda in the Saw III era desperately clinging to this mask while her insecurities have only grown stronger. Compare how Amanda talks while expressing her doubts in Saw X vs Saw III. In Saw X, Amanda tells John that drug addictions are complicated in a timid tone that comes across as almost rehearsed. She's careful with her words. In Saw III, Amanda says "I can't do this" between sobs and later delivers the iconic "fix me, motherfucker" speech while literally trembling with rage. In Saw X, she is asking to be heard. In Saw III, she is no longer asking.)

The final reason I love Amanda in Saw X so much is that it gives a bit more depth to her philosophy as a Jigsaw killer. While Amanda would like to spare Gabriela, she thinks Cecilia should skip her test entirely and be put into an inescapable death trap. She doesn't phrase it quite so directly in the moment, but that is what she's telling John when she says that Ceclia "doesn't deserve anything."

Thinking about Amanda's list of victims and her reactions to their fates, this lines up perfectly. Amanda has no problem with Adam or his comparatively minor crimes, and it hurts her to see him suffer. Kerry is arguably an accomplice in Eric Matthews' crimes, and Amanda shows up to watch the angel of death trap go off in person. Amanda is stone-faced as she watches Obi burn to death, but sheds a tear for Laura as she succumbs to the nerve gas. With this framework, the ambiguity of whether these reactions were authentic is gone.

This all speaks to Amanda's motives being just as multifaceted as John's. The need for revenge, the need for release, and the need for approval were always there, but Amanda hasn't always felt all three as intensely. The emotions that led her to suffocate Adam were the same emotions that led her to shooting Lynn. Her cruelty is her mercy. Her love is her hate. In Saw III, she's the only one who's honest about it in the end. Saw X shows us the moment she learned to hide it.

As one final note, I also like that Amanda is a baby dyke in Saw X. I cried sapphic tears of joy when she pulled off that pig mask, and I never got tired of watching her stomp around in her combat boots. But I like the character development a little bit more, sorry.

[1800duckhotline]

https://www.tumblr.com/1800duckhotline/748414044204154880/i-seriously-think-this-show-was-created-in-a-lab?source=share

hi! im not able to send you dms but i really want to know what you think about hazbin. i downed the entire thing in a day out of morbid fascination of seeing how that artstyle animates, but the quality of the script and handling of the structure of the show are so dogshit that the show has been lodged in my mind. and my friends who i can rely upon for their thoughtful analysis are not people who would watch it.

basically Hello Send Help

Honestly you summed up most of my plights within the show already, its just dogshit all around flaming and whatnot and i cannot believe there's 30 years old who eat this slop up. i can forgive teenagers for liking it (i am very self-aware as someone who read fucking homestuck when i was 13) but i cannot forgive fully grown adults for thinking this show has any sort of nuanced or well-written story

i finished watching the show feeling less aggravated by the designs and visual dev of the whole thing (though obviously its still really bad), and instead more by how insultingly and exhilaratingly bad the writing was.

i could literally take out my blocknote review of the whole show starting from ep 1 to ep 8 but i want to spare my friends who dgaf about hearing about this show. so ill just try to resume concisely my thoughts using my notes as crutches

this will be a very long one and again to spare people of pain ill put it under a readmore

vivienne medrano does not care about the female characters in her own show. idk about helluvaboss and i honestly dont want to watch it unless someone watches it with me, but from what i hear hazbin hotel was supposed to be the show "focused on the girls" while helluva boss was supposed to "focus on theboys". you'll never guess what happens in this show. the main 2 girls, who are supposed to be protagonist, are completely flat characters, that are given the slightest margin of spotlight THE LAST TWO EPISODES OF THE SEASON, and no 8 episodes isnt a justification for the dogshit writing they have. vaggie is the "angry mean militaristic lesbian of color who also coddles her white girlfriend" and charlie is "goody two shoes who doesn't use her powers as literal PRINCESS OF HELL because it's 'too mean' and who is babied and is also written like a baby that doesnt know how to act besides being 'positive and whimsical'". they are literally a ship trope shipped together because idk.

most of the development in the show is handed onto the guys, obviously, as they get the most songs, most exposure to their backstories, and most interactions that are somewhat written less one-dimensionally than the girls. (not to say the guys aren't also walking ship tropes for fanfic purposes). like you can't spin this in a way that doesn't sound bad, the men just get more spotlight and that's a fucking fact. so much for "focus on the girls". fucking SIR PENTIOUS GETS A SONG AFTER HIS DEATH, GUYS

none of the angel vs hell lore makes any fucking lick of sense, and i dont mean to say it needs to be biblically adjacent, it just doesnt make fucking sense even in the "original" lore it is constructing. how is hell supposed to be a threat to heaven when hell denizens dont have access to heaven?? this question alone makes anyone question what the hell the exterminations really are for. also, like, i really fucking hate adam, he's literally the most annoyingly written villain, like he's not even funny in a trashy way. if you want to make your main villain a hypocrite who's also a massive misogynist and sexist, writing him like a frat bro makes sense if your story is set in a college campus. this is HEAVEN AND HELL. all of his lines are just stupid and senseless for the context this all takes place in (also like lute being essentially a tradwife for him is literally such a stupid choice, if you want to make a meaningful commentary about misogyny among women this isnt how it works)

all of the sin and pure shit and repenting deal is like... literally awful. for a show that prides itself on owning the bigots who think gay sex and doing drugs and doing crimes is all inherently evil, the writing really does not do itself a favor of subverting this real-world bigoted way of thinking. as unintentional as it might be it kind of just reinforces it when the character they decide to 'repent' is fucking angel dust, a literal sex worker stuck in a cycle of abuse with an abusive rapist pimp and who does drugs as a way to cope in his life. because obviously sex work (and bdsm) is inherently sinful and disgusting and the only way to repent is to give up disgusting gay sex and sinful drugs and just stick it to the abuser that has you literally by the leash! i dont think this was intentional but it comes off as hilariously stupid and straight up tactless. (also we don't talk about how the storyboarded for the song poison apparently also drew rape comics of angel dust and valentino before as a kink thing)

oh on the topic of valentino, i dont fucking get people liking him. he is literally shown to be abusive and a rapist. people will see a thin man who's not straight and hump his legs like their life depends on it. at least he isnt white but i'd actually say this makes everything worse because vivienne medrano LOVES making the characters in her show of ambiguous ethnicities/backgrounds and ends up making most of the awful ones, of color. again dont think this is INTENTIONALLY done but it still comes across as horrid nonetheless. whew!!!

also i hate alastor in all types ways sauces and forms. he exists to attract fangirls and rabid fans who love tumblr sexymen. other than his design being tremendously aggravating, he's literally just fucking useless, and i hate that the show tries to shoehorn in halfway that he's supposed to be a "dad figure" to charlie when he literally never has done anything dadlike for her in the whole show (and yes i watched the pilot, i still dont think this counts). the only saving grace for alastor is his voice acting. everything else needs to go. there is no saving this one

and, on the topic of alastor, i'm not the first one to point this out but something about him owning husk's soul (the one character being voiced by a black VA, who coincidentally also has a design that is conveniently ambiguous with him being a fucking. winged cat furry demon ig) has like some really bad vibes about it that i can't quite put my finger on. i'm not entirely qualified to like dissect the issues this whole show has with like... the way certain implied characters of color act within it (i say implied because vivziepop is allergic to giving the main characters of her shows actual dark skin colors that arent grey, except maybe some one-off side characters) but it was just so jarring i had to mention it

i also hate lucifer because again, made for purely fanfic ship tropes and rabid fans who are obsessed with 'pathetic sopping wet cat men' with that signular character trait. his persnality is: Depression and Dad. I literally hated every fucking moment in this show where he was in a scene and was treated as "just some guy". same with charlie. Like the lack of authority they have for a supposed KING AND PRINCESS OF HELL is just... i dont know? stupid?

conclusion is that i hate the show, i will however bee seeing season 2 just because at this point im in it for the long run, its just like, other than the visuals being awful; it was legitimately the least aggravating part for me (THIS DOESNT MEAN I LIKE THEM, I DONT, I HATE THEM TOO) but the whole writing is just... wow. i just don't understand how they got a24 to back this up. like you cant make this shit up this bad even if you tried. and im sure there's a trillion other things other people have more eloquently explained in how and which ways they are bad; these are just some of my thoughts.

my concluding statement is that i also feel really bad for people who do entire rewrites of this thing as 'fans'. i dont get it. like i get doing redesigns because it can be an exercise and because lets be real, like, everyones design is bad, hardly anything is salvageable or makes sense. but rewriting... guys please just make your own stories from scratch. at the cost of being told "omg this is just like hazbin hotel!" you have to persevere and just write your own shit. because doing the redesigns means unpacking heaps of 'lore' that doesnt make any whatsoever sense...

[utilitycaster]

A lot of people who try to analyze religion in Exandria need to watch the Adventuring Academy episode where Brennan and Matt talked about worldbuilding, specifically when Matt said “In a game like dungeons and dragons, or a lot of role playing games where ultimately part of the game is to overcome villains and rise up and become a hero, there has to be some level of universal antagonism… there is a pure and defined entity or force that is evil, it may not be realistic to some stories out there, but that’s [how it works in DND].”

This is true, and it's really interesting to watch this happen because Matt will make a huge, unambiguous evil like Lucien or the Vanguard, or Brennan will do so with Asmodeus and people will do everything they can to try to come up with reasons to woobify them or argue why they're justified...but I haven't seen this happen in most of the D20 seasons, and I think it's because the villains in most D20 seasons have been things that reinforce people's beliefs, namely, capitalism and abuse of religious power. And to be clear, capitalism and abuse of religious power fucking suck, but it's telling that people assume the villain is capitalism in places where that doesn't apply on a wide scale, or in some cases, exist (EXU Calamity, Neverafter); or that the Ruby Vanguard or Tomb Takers, both of which have pretty much every single hallmark of a cult but just aren't affiliated with the main pantheon, are actually the good guys.

Incidentally: this is like, quite literally how people get sucked into cults. One of the leading cult researchers in the world, Janja Lalich, is a survivor of a now dissolved explicitly leftist/anti-capitalist cult. Abuses of power, which is, ultimately, what both Brennan and Matt lean on as their Universal Antagonist traits, rely on confirming people's existing biases and exploiting them - even if those biases are broadly good! This is in fact why I can get so fucking adamant about what is mostly silly fandom shit, because I do, on some level, look at some takes that completely lack critical thinking and am like oh you'd 100% buy into all kinds of dangerous patterns of thought if someone packaged it nicely; even something as stupid as the Caleb Werewolf Theory relied on circumstantial evidence and false information that you could easily verify was false. And it's annoying but mostly harmless in the context of fandom, but it always makes me wonder - does this person do this with political posts on social media?

Anyway getting back to the main point, I think watching/listening to Brennan commentary on Adventuring Academy is generally a really good idea because he is a very smart guy with a philosophy degree and has a strong grasp of the genres in which he works as well as TTRPGs as a storytelling medium, and talks to other people who also have a good understanding of the morality of fantasy stories. And if you listen to this, you will in fact get that the basis of evil in these stories is not something as specific as "capitalism" or "religion"; it's quite literally as basic as "exploiting other people simply because that is an option available to you and you don't care about them." And obviously that's the whole basis of capitalism, and it's a serious problem that exists within organized religion, but like...not to repeat myself from this weekend but I keep thinking about the "Suvi without the imperialism" and it's like...she is a 20 year old woman whose parents died for a cause and we have had ONE episode with her as an adult. We know nothing about the Empire except that it's an empire and it is at war. Like, can you look at imperialism and understand why it's bad? Can you separate the concept of imperalism - which, to be clear, is based on power structures - from say, your 21st century understanding of empires in the real world? Or do you see the word Empire and go "Bad Thing" without any capacity to analyze because that's how you end up looking at two flawed things in a story (well, if we're lucky; see the middle paragraph) and deciding one is perfect and correct for no reason other than because it opposes the thing you think is worse. And Brennan is REALLY good at skewering that, and Matt is REALLY good at portraying multiple complicated and flawed perspectives, but you do have to like, use your brain slightly.

[puffles]

Finished Serious Weakness, I think it'll resonate with a certain type of horror fiend. Or autists mobbed by the horrors of ableist society and can stomach dark yaoi. Probably shouldnt read this post if you cant stomach dark

Not very funnee running commentary below

Could HRT Have Saved Trianon? No, But At Least He Will Have Smooth Delightful Baby Skin.

Attacked by Ableism: Is it worse than having Autism Sangwoo abusing you?

The aquarium scene reminds me of the Adam Raki movie where they have the annoying autism caricature and a woman trying to fix the guy but in the end it doesn't work out. Hair-pulling shit

Ok this was funny as fuck

Sometimes I want to grab Trianon and shake him wondering why he can't be as functioning as me (this is untrue u can never function in Society™️)

Homoero-autism is the new cool fangled thing. Out of the two self published school shooting stories, this definitely is better. Mostly because it wasn't written by a teenager

A SERIOUS weakness even!!! Hahahahahah!!!!

AHAKNSEN GIRLYPOP ASKING FOR HELP IN A COMPETITIBE SHOOTER GAME 😨😭

I want to wiggle Insul around because he's such a desperate needy pathetic little bugger

I always craved like an evil autism x evil autism hannibal but a lot of the fanfics were too overly dramatic about the nature of killing (and too many references to classics that I don't get the beauty of) so I very much prefer the destruction urge Insul has

G*MER DESTROYED!!!!!!! We live in a society

Honestly Insul is so fucking funny but I am shaking my head seriously because i cannot stan this problematic fudanshi

Oh that's a really good depiction of a traumatic experience. I don't have a singular traumapoint so I can't compare how realistic it is, but it does execute the visceral fear and dissociation through text really well, down to the structure.

I will someday draw parallels to every single media on the serious weaknesscore recs in my private discord message groups, but today I am too tired to recall all of them. I have read all of them though. I think the closest yaoi manga to the weird caretaker shit would be this one where it involved a guy with seizures taking advantage of another guy because of "guilt" but it turns out the caretaker was killing people and then cue regular goreing of the seizureman and all. It's called Feeding Lamb by Masumi Nishin

I liked the story 😃 I mean I like all of Porpentine works for the most part but there's aspects I really connected to with the whole conformity stuff and mentally wishing to laserbeam people who dont get it.

I like the f/f version because I want sick twisted f/f that the people always speak of but never fucking exists. I can piss better than Tri my peehole shoots at forces that mimics a penis at a urinal