#how am i supposed to be normal after this???

[jaylaxies]

THE ONLY EXCEPTION

PAIRING: heeseung x fem!reader

GENRE/CW: smut, brother's best friend trope, fluff, slight angst, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), cunnilingus, penetration, breeding, usage of nicknames, themes of jealousy, mentions of jake (brother) and other enha members, mentions of karina from aespa, Imk if i missed anything!

WORD COUNT: 10.7k words

SYNOPSIS: Jake was an overprotective brother and he did not fail to show it, warning all the guys to stay away from you, his best friends were no exception. So, how will you make it work when you return back after graduating school, only to find that your crush is paying more attention to you than ever? It most certainly doesn't help that it’s Lee Heeseung, to whom, you are strictly off limits.

PLAYLIST: here!

WARNING: 18+ content, minors dni.

A/N: hihi, my loves <3 anonnie(s) requested for me to make a heeseung version of my haechan fic so here we are! (both fics are mine) i hope you guys enjoy it! all likes, comments, reblogs are highly appreciated! it keeps me motivated! iloveyou all and happy reading <33

The music blasting from the speakers, reverberating around the room full of university students, the wretched smell of alcohol mixed with cigarettes lingered in the air as your sharp eyes adorned with perfectly winged liner focused around the room, greeting everyone who was shocked to find you at the party. 

It felt good to be back. 

Leaving for a boarding school wasn’t on your bucket list, yet it was an opportunity you couldn’t miss, the school being a prestigious one with a degree that would only be helpful in the future, which left you no choice but to disappear for three years, only to suddenly reappear today, straight making an appearance at the party. 

“Told you, your celebrity status is still intact,” Karina winked at you, her being the only friend who was stubborn enough to not break contact with you, and you loved her for the same. 

Raising your brow at her, you took another swing of beer which you had loosely gripped in your hand, “it’s not mine, it all belongs to my brother,” you said, “I don’t want this attention, especially when it’s only valid because I’m Jake’s sister who had a glow up over my time of not being in the town.”

Your brother was well known in the university—the same university which you’d be attending soon along with the people who also attended the same middle school as you, however, his reputation preceded him as he, along with his friends, had turned into the group all girls desired to be with, yet they never let anyone stick around for long. 

Settling down wasn’t their forte, unfortunately. 

People snogging around every corner of the house wasn’t a sight you were willing to witness, granted you had a long flight and were exhausted. Not having any ride back home was another factor which made you approach your brother—who wasn’t locked up in a room with some girl for once. 

“I wanna go home,” you huffed, standing next to Jake, who was quick to excuse himself from the conversation he was having. 

“I can’t drive you back, I’m buzzed dude,” he says, “my baby sis is all grown up,” he looks your way, patting your head before you step back, disgusted at his overly affectionate big brother act. 

He acted as if everything was normal when in reality, he was the one who always deprived you of every single thing, not allowing you to go out, not allowing you to meet boys, and most importantly, not letting his friends interact with you.

“Ew, drink this and sober up.” You passed on the water bottle in your hand to him, “how am I supposed to go back? Should I take a cab?” 

“No, that’s not safe. You wait here, I’ll get my friend to drop you off,” he asked you to wait by the front door. 

The shock on your face was evident, yet it was better to get a ride with one of his friends rather than fending for yourself this late at night. With a nonchalant nod, you walked away, waiting by the door. 

It wasn’t hard for Jake to find his group, they were sprawled across the sofa as if they owned it, surrounded by girls sitting around them; or on their lap. 

“Who’s not drunk here?” He asked, straight up eliminating Sunghoon from the list, who was taking big gulps from his can, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down, “minus Hoon.”

Heeseung was quick to ignore the girl who was leaning down to kiss him, eyes tired yet lined with the perfect amount of eyeliner—a look he went for whenever a party was concerned. 

“I am sober. Driver duties, why?” He asked. 

Even though there was nothing but truth in his words, it would be hard to accept it, provided that his eyes were the perfect shade of brown which harboured the ideal amount of brightness during the day, and just the exact amount of intoxication at night. 

“I had one beer,” Jay said, sitting with a bored expression on his face, probably not in the mood to entertain the girls at the given moment, unlike Sunghoon and Jungwon, who basked in the attention of them. 

“Y/n wants to go back home,” Jake explained, grabbing another can of beer, “and I obviously can’t go to drop her off.”

“Y/n? Is she back?” Heeseung asked, playing with his silver rings before unbuttoning the top of his black button up, exposing his chain clad neck and clavicle, which was valid given how hot the room was. 

“Yeah, she came back in the afternoon today. Jay can you drop her back home?” Jay chuckles at the offended look Heeseung threw his way. 

“Of course man,” Jay agreed. 

“He’s drunk too, in case you overlooked that, I’m the sober one right now,” Heeseung said, pointing out the obvious. 

“Yeah, dude there’s no way I’m letting you go alone with my sister,” Jake laughed, “lord knows you can’t keep it in your pants,” he added. 

Heeseung was quick to raise his eyebrow, scoffing, pushing his tongue inside his cheek, “and he can?” He asked, pointing at Jay. 

“He knows where to draw a line, unlike you, and she’s my baby sister, I’m not risking anything,” Jake explained enthusiastically, as if it was a joke, because it caused an uproar of laughter, which only infuriated Heeseung more. 

“I know when to stop,” he said, annoyed. 

“You didn’t know that when you fucked our principal’s daughter,” Sunghoon provided. 

“And when you did so in his office, with cameras installed,” Jungwon not so helpfully added. 

Heeseung agrees that they were right to a certain extent, but their lack of trust was always something that bothered him. If there was someone who actually didn’t know where to stop, that would be them, because he did not appreciate the insults thrown his way. 

It also didn’t help how he genuinely wanted to see you after years of you being away, but now his mood was ruined, courtesy of Jake. 

Jake then proceeded to list out a few more things as to prove that Heeseung wasn’t fit for being anywhere close to his sister, “I just don’t trust you with her,” he shrugged as if he wasn’t insulting you, asking Jay to drop you off, ending the conversation. 

Meanwhile, it had been a solid seven minutes and twenty six seconds since you started waiting for Jake’s friend to come and pick you up, and you made sure to put the time into good use by observing your surroundings yet again. 

In the farther right corner, you spotted your old crush, Choi Beomgyu, who was in your ethics class. He never paid attention to you, granted your brother made sure to warn the whole school population that you were off limits. 

You couldn’t deny, it was good to see him happy and you swore you noticed him giggling too, talking to your old classmate, who you remember was called one of the beauties of your school, before he pulled her into a sweet kiss. 

Your observation was cut short when one of Jake’s friends, whom you had not seen in the past three years appeared in front of you with a small smile. Park Jongseong, or more commonly, Jay, was charming from the bottom to the top. 

“Welcome back, Y/n,” he smiled, voice slutry, which came naturally to him. 

You offered him a smile in return, shamelessly checking him out, he had gotten buff. You were not expecting him to come here, but then again, your subconscious wanted to see that one boy whose eyes reminded you of honey and doe. 

You wondered how he looked now. Does he even remember you? A sigh left your glossy lips as you admitted that you still might have a teeny tiny crush on Lee Heeseung after all this while, and deep inside, you wished to see him again. 

With a smile, you followed Jay to the car as he engaged you in a conversation. It was probably the first time he had been given the permission to interact with you, and even he couldn’t deny, he loved to see the development, the confidence that you had come back with. 

While you were getting back home, Heeseung was fuming with anger, kicking the pavement as he had left the party, his mind formulating ideas for a plausible revenge against everyone. He was rebellious, he’d give himself that, yet in the depth of his heart, he meant well, not wanting to hurt anyone intentionally, only for the sake of having unharmed fun. 

It wasn’t as if his friends were any different, so why should he be the one who’s labelled to be the worst of them all? This time, he wanted to hurt someone on purpose, the someone being Jake Sim. 

Solution? Get as close to you as humanly possible—which would also mean that he’d have to work to get a place in your heart. But he didn’t mind it, especially when he had liked you all this while. 

Jake wanted him to stay away? Tough luck because Heeseung wanted you. 

Thinking about you reminded him of when you first met through Jake, he had priorly informed everyone to stay away from you, despite the fact you were in fifth grade, almost isolating you from the world. However, it wasn’t enough for Heeseung to stop greeting you with his pretty smiles, which caused you to smile back at him too. 

That’s the most exchange you guys have had over these years. 

Heeseung was gonna change that, and so, he found himself walking towards your house, knowing well that Jake won’t be around to stop him, and your parents would be dead asleep given that it was past midnight. 

Climbing up your room wasn’t hard, especially when he was aware of the ladder kept in your backyard, but being silent after entering your room through a window was tough. 

The lights were dim, just how you liked it when you slept. With a few steps, Heeseung reached your bed, eyes fixated on your sleeping figure. 

A small, genuine smile graced his face when he noticed the small pout on your moisturized lips. Adorable—that’s how he perceived you, yet there was no denying how much you had grown up to be prettier than ever, and he couldn’t help but caress your cheek with his thumb, even the slightest touch making you stir in your sleep, causing him to chuckle. 

Was it creepy for him to be in your room as you slept? Yes. Was he in his right mind despite being sober? No. However, he had good intentions. 

Intentions to have you all to himself. 

You weren’t sure if it was a dream or had Heeseung actually visited you at night, though, the latter idea seemed nothing less than a delusion. Maybe it was your brain playing tricks with you, but it wasn’t your biggest concern at the given moment as you wanted nothing more than to freshen up and eat. 

What you did not expect was to see your mom catering the four boys sprawled across your living room, the guy in your dream wasn’t anywhere to be seen still. 

“Good morning, sweetheart,” your mom sweetly pulled you in her embrace, gaining the attention of your brother and his friends, who were sitting together playing some video games. 

“Good morning, mum,” you smiled, having missed her while you were away for school. 

“Yo, I almost forgot you were back for a second,” Jake commented as your mom asked everyone to sit down. 

You looked at him with a sour expression, “yeah, right. Cause there was no one to tell you that you’re wearing two different designs of socks,” you pointed out, getting a snigger out of Sunghoon, who passed you a sweet smile when you looked his way, averting his gaze within a second, a habit of all his friends who weren’t allowed to stare at you. 

“Or that you’re wearing your T-shirt inside out,” you scrunch your nose as others see a very clueless Jake trying to get everything in order, your mom also amused by the sudden liveliness in the home, “no, but how are you this unaware about yourself?” You mused. 

Jake didn’t get to reply or whine when the front door opened to reveal the guy of your dreams, quite literally. 

Lee Heeseung came into the room as if he owned the place, your eyes fixated on his messy hair as he said hello to your mother, who was more than happy to see him here. 

Heeseung was her favourite out of all Jake’s friends. 

Other guys were quick to apologize to Heeseung, you wondered why, and Jake had apparently apologized on text last night for crossing the line. 

He looked carefree and unbothered, so you didn’t ponder upon it much till he sat down next to you for breakfast, finally looking in your eyes. 

You blinked once, focusing on his eyes which looked like they had honey swirling around them, his skin was tanned to the prettiest shade as he passed you a small smile, “hey, Y/n,” he acknowledged your presence, lips almost upturned into what seemed to be a smirk. 

For a second, you couldn’t quite focus as you were too enthralled observing the little freckles scattered across his face, his soft pink lips—

Yeah, that thought shook you awake, “hey, Heeseung,” you greeted back, thinking that calling him Hee might just be too friendly. 

“So, are we on for our trip tomorrow?” Jay asked, cutting your interaction short. 

“Wait, what trip?” You asked, knowing that your parents were gonna be out for a business trip too, and you weren’t one to enjoy being home alone in such a big house. 

“Didn’t Jake tell you?” Your mom asked and shook your head, throwing an accusatory look his way, “They all are having a stay in at Hee’s beach house.”

“And me? Am I supposed to be staying alone for what—how many days?” You asked, clearly not expecting this when you had just come back home after years. 

“A week,” Jake informed, unaffected. 

“I’m not staying home alone for a whole week, mum, this isn’t fair.” The distress was clear on your face. 

“Call your friends over then,” your mom suggested. 

“For a week? We’d rather go out for vacation too,” you pouted, not noticing the stare of two boys. 

“Join the trip with Jake then,” she recommended, placing the fluffy pancake on your plate. 

“What? Why? No,” Jake protested and the room bursted into a web of chaos with everyone discussing it. 

Only Heeseung was silent, his eyes still on your face, admiring your side view shamelessly, but also careful not to give out his intentions in front of Jake. 

“It’s a boys trip, mom. Y’know? Boy stuff,” he winced, trying to explain without explaining that all they planned on doing was drink, smoke and invite girls over, “guys, tell them?”

“Yeah—he’s right,” they all agreed, not maintaining eye contact, looking at each other awkwardly. 

“Okay, since the beach house is Heeseung’s, why don’t we let him decide?” Your mom sighs, looking at Heeseung. 

Now that the sole attention is on him, he tries to act clueless with a helpless look on his face, especially when you are looking at him with big eyes, lower lip jutting out in a pout. 

Then he looked back at his friends, who clearly wanted the girl to go, minus Jake at least. Lastly, he looked at your mom, who only smiled, and that was enough of an excuse for Heeseung to say with the sweetest smile—

“Of course, Y/n and her friend are always invited.”

“He said yes,” you were on the phone, explaining the whole situation to Karina, knowing well that she’d be more than ready to accompany you for your rendezvous. 

“He what?” She exclaimed, knowing that the boys would never take your side, especially in front of Jake. 

“I know, mom sorta helped cause Heeseung never says no to mom, it’s like he’s her favourite child or something,” a humorous laugh left your lips. 

“Well, he will be once he becomes your boyfriend,” Karina gushed, “we’ll make sure he notices you this time, we’ve got a whole week to make it work.” 

You had rushed up the stairs and into your room as soon as the decision had been made, followed by the loud complaints of Jake—which you did not bother to hear, calling Karina to fill her in with the situation instead. 

She was packing as you were speaking. 

In all honesty, it never crossed your mind that you would actually want to seduce Heeseung, provided that he was Jake’s friend, which would lead to fights you definitely didn’t wish to be a part of, but you were an adult, so Jake held no authority over you. 

There’s nothing wrong with having a little fun after all. 

“I’m not giving you a ride,” Jake deadpanned when you got back downstairs, your mother looking at him with disappointment. 

“I’ll take a cab then,” you rolled your eyes. 

“No need, you’re taking two cars and it’s enough to fit you all,” your mom finally said, “who’s driving?” 

“Me and Jake,” Heeseung replied, voice innocent as you turned to look his way, “Jake is taking the bigger one.”

“Is that so? All boys can go with Jake then. Won’t you give a lift to Y/n and Karina, Hee?” Your mom asked, knowing he won’t say no. 

She was good at persuasion, unknowingly giving Heeseung the full opportunity to be with you, which is exactly what he was aiming for in the first place. 

Heeseung only nodded earnestly, eyes almost shining as he looked back at you, “of course, you can ride with me,” he said, ignoring the glare thrown his way by Jake as your name rolled off his tongue, “Y/n.”

As if his voice and gaze wasn’t enough for you to stop breathing in a room full of people, the subtle smirk on his lips successfully had your knees buckling with anticipation. 

Never in a million years have you thought that you’d be riding shotgun in Heeseung’s car, with him driving and humming along to songs under his breath. You had worn the shortest skirt you managed to find in your closet and the little trick had worked as you saw him staring at your legs when you first came downstairs, announcing that you and Karina were ready to leave for the trip. 

Not only did it grab the attention of the boy you had been targeting, but also it garnered attention of Jay, who at least tried to act respectful by gulping and looking away. 

Heeseung on the other hand believed that he should blatantly stare at the things which are to be admired, including your legs. 

It didn’t take long for you guys to load your bags into his car, as the other one left ten minutes before you guys. Karina wasn’t a fan of long drives—two hours in your case, so she put on her AirPods and closed her eyes the second she got into the back seat, also to give you privacy with Heeseung. 

He drove with one hand, the other resting on his thigh. The rings and chain adorning his body caught your attention for a second too long. His hands were definitely bigger than yours, veins popping out whenever he gripped the steering wheel. 

The aura around him was too strong, as if he was a magnet ready to pull everyone towards him, you were no exception. 

“Like the rings, darling?” He asked, eyes on the road with the corner of his lip upturned. 

The question successfully broke your train of thoughts. It was probably the first conversation you had with him, excluding the usual greetings. 

And he kick-started it by calling you darling. 

“They’re—pretty,” you replied, not letting the nickname phase you, despite heat creeping up your neck. 

His smile widened at your answer and he swiftly got a ring off his finger, passing it to you—again, without even looking your way. 

“They’ll look prettier on you,” he says ever so smoothly, and you bite your lips, trying to stop the smile from widening as your fingers brush against his, taking the ring and inspecting the design, “don’t wear that in front of the boys though, they’ll flip.”

An amused chuckle left your lips, something which Heeseung did not expect, “why? Still scared of Jake and his empty threats?” You asked. 

He pissed you off too much with his don’t come near my sister or I’ll make your life a living hell threat to others, and you were bitter about it. 

“Now, why would I be scared of Jake?” He scoffed. 

“Because you’re one of his friends who isn’t even allowed to look my way,” you said as a matter of fact, breath hitching the second you felt his fingers on your thigh, the warmth of his palm juxtaposing the cold metal of his rings. 

The car was stopped at the red light, “I’ve always looked you in the eye, sweetheart,” he whispered, confirming his statement by turning his head and staring right into your eyes, the tension palpable as your gazes locked, the look being too alluring for you to break the eye contact. 

His whole demeanour changed in a second when his serious expression morphed into a sweet smile, the kind that makes you melt right before he shifted his focus back on the road as if he hadn’t just provided you a sliver of hope about him being interested in you. 

He, however, didn’t bother moving his hand which was gripping your thigh lightly, his fingers were long and looked exceptionally pretty on your skin. You couldn’t help but look out of the window, trying not to let your thoughts get out of hand. 

It certainly didn’t help that he was singing explicit yet somewhat romantic songs with all his might while your best friend was sleeping peacefully in the backseat. 

Heeseung loved every single reaction he got out of you, your little shivers when he caressed your thigh, your breath hitching for the very same reason midway a conversation, and your sweet blabber as you he initiated a conversation. 

“How was school?” He asked after a while. 

The conversation flowed smoothly after, the ride wasn’t long after all, his hand caressing your thigh throughout the journey, and you wished for it to be longer. 

The beach house wasn’t a house apparently, but a mansion with how grand it was. Meaning, everyone would easily get their own rooms. Jake’s car was already parked as they reached earlier, but you saw Jay coming out when he heard the sound of Heeseung’s car, helping you take the bags inside with his ever so charming smile while Karina and you silently gushed about the beach view. 

Others were busy preparing for the party that was to be held at night—which was news to you. 

The interior was in the shades of black, white, and greys, matching Heeseung’s personality in a peculiar manner, granted that he was filled with colours of all sorts in himself. 

You and Karina selected the adjacent rooms on the first floor, the balcony giving you a pretty view wasn’t something you’d want to miss out on. Heeseung occupying the room which was right in front of your room is another thing which boosted your excitement. 

The next few hours flew by as you rested on the beach with Karina, soaking up warmth of the sand with the cold ocean waves reaching your toes. It felt peaceful. 

“So, what are you gonna wear to woo Heeseung today?” Karina asked, sipping on her iced beverage. 

The sun was about to set, your eyes never leaving the sky which displayed all shades of red, yellow and orange, “what do you mean?”

“I mean that there’s no way they won’t be inviting girls, it was supposed to be a boys trip after all to get their dicks wet,” she said as a matter of fact. 

You winced again, not having it in you to watch your brother surrounded by girls. 

“And if Heeseung was flirting with you, then it’s your chance to flirt back now, given that Jake would be drunk beyond the point of recovery. Not to mention how you’ll have to do something so he doesn’t stray off and give attention to other girls,” Karina listed out. 

She was right, it wasn’t like you were going to get this chance again, “red dress or black dress?” You asked with a playful smile and she squealed, rushing you into your room to help you get ready. 

The music was blaring by the time you applied the last swatch of lipstick, smacking your lips for the colour to blend in perfectly, complementing your skin tone ever so perfectly. Karina doing the same beside you. 

You weren’t sure how they managed to gather all this crowd for a party, granted you guys didn’t even live here, yet who would question these boys, an online invite and people would come running to attend their parties. 

Which was the case at the given moment as well. The second you stepped out from your assorted room, you found Sunghoon practically eating a girl’s face off with how passionately they were kissing  right beside the door, the music blaring in the background as you tried to overcome the initial shock of seeing your brother’s friend going what you’d consider wild. 

Making your way downstairs, you put on your best confident expression, your eyes immediately looking around, trying to find a certain black haired guy. 

Karina stopped you, pointing at the corner of the room where Heeseung was sitting with girls surrounding him, Jungwon right next to him, a scoff of disbelief leaving your lips when one of them oh so comfortably sat down on his lap, his arm wrapping around her waist so naturally. 

Yet you couldn’t deny just how effortlessly attractive he looked in that black button up, the first few buttons undone to reveal his chest. The eyeshadow enhancing the look of his eyes to appear more slutry than they already seemed to be. 

Great. This is what you came on this trip for—to see Heeseung tilting the chin of a random girl, shoving his tongue inside her mouth. 

This won’t do, you averted your gaze, going straight to get alcohol, any kind would do, you just needed a boost of confidence to work upon your plan. Karina knew exactly what you were up to, winking at you before wandering off in the crowd. 

“Not dancing tonight?” Jay asked, standing right next to you as he poured himself a drink. 

His presence made your job easier, especially when he looked so good tonight. His dark hair was a little messy, sleeves rolled up as he was clad in all black, a simple chain adorning his slender neck. 

Perfect bait to get a reaction out of Heeseung, (‘sorry Jay’ you thought to yourself). 

If he’d bother to look your way, that is. 

“Talking to me tonight? Not scared of my brother anymore?” Your lips curled up, amused. 

That earned a laugh out of him, “he’s locked up in a room as we speak,” he said over the music. Translation: he was busy fucking someone and he won’t be here to monitor your moves. 

Your nose scrunched, not wanting to think about your brother doing the deed. Jay walked alongside you as you took up his offer to dance, but also made sure that you could see Heeseung clearly with your spot. 

His eyes turned your way for the first time tonight the second you started moving your body along to the rhythm. The distance was fair, yet it felt as if you were the only person in this room and he was the only spectator to your actions. 

Jay’s hand came to rest on your waist, your body in sync with his moves, the proximity close and a blissful expression on your face. 

Again, you subtly looked Heeseung’s way, only to find his eyes darker than ever, not straying away from you for even a second, the girl on his lap long forgotten as he couldn’t find a reason to give her his attention anymore. 

Not when you were dancing with Jay, not when your dress rode up, revealing your thighs, not when Jay whispered in your ear and you chuckled, getting closer to him. 

He couldn’t stand it, the muscle in his jaw clenched, his tongue pushed against the inside of his cheek with annoyance bubbling up in his body. 

You turned around, only to find Heeseung missing from the spot he was sitting at. All of a sudden, you excused yourself from Jay and made your way around the room, to find him again and you failed to do so. 

The room’s atmosphere got stuffy as the night progressed and you made your way upstairs to your room in need of fresh air which was very well provided by the grand balcony. 

Just as you twisted the door knob, getting inside the room, you gasped as Heeseung closed the door behind you, pushing you against the wooden surface of the door, his scent taking over your senses seamlessly as you breathed in deeply. 

“Hee—” you whispered, hyper aware of how close he was to you, his body pressed against yours in a way you could feel his torso muscles. His face tilted ever so slightly, just enough for your noses to brush against each other. 

The position alone sent you into a state of frenzy, and he didn’t even let you finish speaking out his name as he chuckled darkly. 

“Didn’t know you were into Jay, darling,” he whispered, causing you to gulp down the nervousness, which was of no use as your knees felt even weaker with his slender finger tracing your cheek, stopping right by your lips, “dancing with him while wearing the ring that I gave you.” His thumb caressing your bottom lip, parting it ever so slightly, “doesn’t really sound fair to me now, does it, baby?” He asked, stopping his actions and looking your right in the eye. 

You couldn’t show him how affected you were with possessiveness laced tone, “I don’t see how it’s unfair, Heeseung,” you smiled sweetly, keeping your hand on his chest. 

“Wrong,” he said in a beat, “his intentions aren’t pure,” he provided. 

You chuckled, turning your face to the side for a second, “what about your intentions?” You dared to ask. 

His hold on you tightened, “you wanna know my intentions?” He asked, voice so low it gave you goosebumps as he moved even closer to you, his lips on the verge of touching yours. 

They never fully touched, your hand becoming a barrier between you two, “maybe some other day,” you whispered, the expression in his eyes unreadable, “someday when you don’t come here with tainted lips after kissing god knows how many girls,” you smiled tightly, pushing him aside, the alcohol only providing you with unadulterated courage. 

He pulled you back, hand wrapped around your wrist so his torso was pressed against your back, which vibrated with his chuckles, “didn’t know it bothered you that much, pretty,” his lips touched your earlobe. 

“It doesn’t,” you seethed out, trying not to sound breathless as you shrugged out of his hold, “besides, we mean nothing to each other. I won’t stop you from snogging anyone and you can’t stop me from dancing with anyone.”

That’s all you said before slipping out of his grasp, rushing in and closing the bathroom door behind you and breathing in deeply. The feeling of his touch still lingering on your body, he was jealous as you were and he was so close. 

So close to kissing you. 

Heeseung leaned against the door on the opposite side of you, “we mean nothing to each other?” He scoffed under his breath, the image of Jay’s hands on your waist coming back to his mind. He was wrong to pay attention to someone else, he admits, but now he was determined to give you all his attention. 

“You’re mine, you just don’t know that yet,” he says, knowing you won’t be able to hear him, “all mine,” his tone was possessive still as he walked out of the room. 

The boys woke up all hungover the next morning, while you and Karina snuck out of the mansion before others woke up, only to avoid Heeseung, which was almost funny given that you were here to get his attention. 

Regardless, you sat in this cute cafe you found nearby, explaining the whole situation to your best friend. The slight smirk on her face gave away the fact that she was proud of you for not giving him attention last night. It’ll only make him want you more, she had said. 

Jake called you right after you finished your meal, “where are you?” He asked, panicked, “don’t tell me you got kidnapped,” the horror was clear in his voice and you rolled your eyes, not understanding how his brain worked. 

“I literally left a note on the fridge that I’ll be out for lunch and shopping, Jake,” you explained, almost laughing when you heard him say oh. He was standing right in front of the fridge apparently. 

“Right, have fun,” he said, hanging up the call. 

He wasn’t the best brother but he did care. At times, more than he needed to. 

“Okay so here’s the plan,” Karina started to explain. She loved giving out ideas and they always worked, which is why you found yourself in the swimsuit store, purchasing the one which flattered your body in the best manner. 

“And don’t lock your room at night. Knowing Heeseung, he would definitely give you a little visit after seeing you pull that stunt.” 

The sun was setting and you were almost back at the mansion. You enjoyed the day and it was a great plan to get Heeseung out of your head, even though it wasn’t possible despite the fact that it had been only two days since you came back and met him again. 

Tonight’s plan was to have a bonfire by the beach, grill meat and have a good time. Jake had finally accepted and asked everyone to tone down and make the trip more family friendly, hence the bonfire.  

The place was empty when you got back in, and you saw the boys setting up the barbecue when you changed into your dress before making your way to join them. 

“Remember the plan?” Karina asked and you nodded, loving the feel of cold sand beneath your foot. 

Heeseung was the first one to notice your presence, his dark eyes fixated on your figure as you walked towards them, Jay being the second one as he smiled your way, to which you smiled back sweetly. 

You still had Heeseung’s ring on as you approached the place where Heeseung and Jay were grilling the meat, Jake was sitting down and playing his guitar while Sunghoon and Jungwon sang along to the song, Karina being a great singer also joined those three. 

“Can I have a taste?” You asked, looking at Jay with hopeful eyes. 

The weather was cold yet the burning stare of a certain someone had you feeling all kinds of warmth, yet you didn’t look his way. 

“Of course, say ah,” Jay said, eyes shining as he held the piece of meat for you and you gladly accepted it, your lips touching his fingers in a caress, the juicy taste making you hum out in pleasure. 

In a second, you were turned around, “there’s something on your lips,” Heeseung muttered, expression stoic as he brushed his thumb on your lower lip, “all cleaned.”

You would have laughed at the jealousy had his action not been so intimidating, as if he was warning you not to do this. 

“Thanks,” you said, voice extra sweet before you looked back at Jay who was confused at the exchange, “can I have more?” You asked. 

“Here.” Heeseung shoved a plate in your hands before Jay could even reply, “enjoy your food,” he said, smiling but his eye twitched in the process, making you bite your lower lip to contain your laugh yet again and you sat down finally. 

“Do you think the water would be cold right now?” Sunghoon asked no one in general, his intrusive thoughts winning.  

“Why? Wanna take a dip?” Jake asked with a laugh, eyebrows raising once he realized that Sunghoon was serious about it. 

“It’ll be fun,” he said as everyone laughed around him. 

“There’s no light out here, Hoon,” Jungwon said. 

“It’ll be fun.”

“The waves are strong too,” Jake reasoned.

“It’ll be fun.”

“Okay, his vocabulary is limited,” Heeseung said, sitting by you as Jay handed over the plates to everyone, Jake sparing a glance to make sure Heeseung didn’t sit too close to you. 

“We can go one hour after eating, just dip our toes in,” Karina suggested and you guys agreed as Jake resumed playing his guitar. 

“Have more, Y/n.” Jay smiled, giving you more pieces to eat from his own plate. 

Heeseung didn’t remember the last time he felt so pissed over something this small, he couldn’t help but roll his eyes. It had been two whole days since you made your comeback in his life but those two days were enough for him to want you, granted he did have a crush on you for the longest time, only now it wasn’t just your sweetness he was attracted to. 

“Thank you, Jongie,” you beamed, the nickname only infuriating Heeseung more while you could see Jay blush faintly and you truly wondered how all these goofballs pulled girls so easily. 

“Jongie,” Heeseung mocked under his breath, Karina noticing the atmosphere and slightly pushing you towards him. 

“You’re doing brilliantly,” she whispered, “he looks like he’ll blow up anytime now.”

It felt nice, sitting in front of the bonfire while listening to others singing. You knew you were trying to make Heeseung jealous yet it was hard not to stare at his face, which basked in the glow of fire. He was already looking your way, noticing how you still had his ring on, which only tempted him to pull you on his lap, yet he knew it was impossible with your brother monitoring his every move. 

“Let’s go into the water,” Sunghoon repeated, as Jake smirked. 

“On the count of one, two,” he said, and didn’t even finish before your eyes widened as your brother came to pick you up in hopes of throwing you into the cold water. 

Jake was escapable. Sunghoon on the other hand, not so much and it didn’t help how they both had lifted you up despite your thrashing and whining and ran towards the water. 

“Jake I swear I’ll kill you—” you warned and Karina had the time of her life recording this whole scene. 

Jungwon continuously reminded the boys to stay safe while also doing god’s work by providing you with the flashlight set on the highest setting from his phone. 

Within a second, you were screaming and thrashing as the boys dropped you into the cold water, laughing and doing the same with a horrified Jungwon before rushing towards the mansion, especially Jake, leaving you all cold. 

Heeseung rushed to close the flashlight. 

You were wearing white, and the water only made your clothes look transparent, which is why Heeseung was taking his jacket off, but yet again, Jay was quick to wrap his leather jacket around your shivering frame. 

He was glad that you were covered but the annoyance was clear on his face, the amusement long gone even with you muttering and plotting Jake and Sunghoon’s murder with Jungwon. 

Nor did he enjoy the sight of Jay taking you back to the villa, acting all protective as if he was your knight in shining armour. 

“You’re making it so obvious that you’re jealous,” Karina quipped, noticing how everyone walked ahead of them, rushing to the mansion. 

He laughed out, ending it with a scoff, “I have no reason to be,” he said, voice calm, “she’s mine anyways,” he shrugged, determination clear in his eyes. 

“Wow, you’re not even scared to admit it out loud? What if Jake hears?” She asks and Heeseung’s expression sours. 

“He wouldn’t approve. That’s a given but that’s not enough to stop me,” he shrugged yet again. 

“Okay Mr. Someone is stealing your girl as we speak though,” Karina pointed out, a fake sympathetic scowl on her face. 

Heeseung hated feeling this way, the feeling where things do not go his way. He hadn’t felt this way since—forever. He had everything he wanted, but not you. Jake being a hindrance is something he considered to be normal till some extent, but Jay? That’s unacceptable. 

“I’ll take care of it.”

It was one in the morning and you were wrapped up in a blanket, sitting down near the balcony to observe the spectrum of stars which you could have sworn were shining. 

Being thrown into the water wasn’t the best experience per se, but you knew it would soon turn into a funny memory you guys would look back at someday in the future. Yet, it wasn’t something you were thinking about much, granted you had better things to ponder about. 

Lee Heeseung. 

You well expected him to show at least a sliver of reaction, some sort of outburst during the evening, however it never came. Either he was plotting revenge or he simply didn’t care enough. Or he was trying to keep it in, your mind tried to reason with you. 

You sighed, getting up and closing the sliding doors of the big balcony in hopes of getting a cozy sleep. You needed that warmth after all. Just as you dropped the blanket on the bed, the door swung open—which shouldn’t have happened, given that you were sure you had locked it.

Heeseung entered the room, closing the door behind him and you couldn’t help but stand at your place, shocked at his sudden appearance, “how did you—” 

“It’s my place, I can get in and out anytime I want,” he replied, voice smooth, giving you goosebumps as he walked closer to you. 

He was clad in sweatpants and a white T-shirt, the attire was simple, yet he made it look a hundred times more attractive than the usual. 

“Oh,” you breathed out, the dim lights of the room caused his skin to glow a beautiful shade of golden. 

There wasn’t a single ounce of jealousy on his face, rather, he looked content with the setting, settling down and sitting on the corner of the bed, his dark eyes staring at you, the silence louder than ever. 

“Uhm, so—did you want something?” You asked, wincing at your tone as you suddenly felt conscious under his gaze, slightly aroused too, not knowing what he was actually here for. 

He clicked his tongue, looking away for a second before his eyes settled on you for the second time. 

Heeseung gave you no time to process anything as his hands grabbed your wrist, pulling you to him in a single hard tug, which had your body stumbling forward and right on his lap. 

He held on to your waist, helping you stabilize your balance, “what’s wrong, princess? You were so confident, getting cozy with Jay, huh?” He raise his brow, letting the possessiveness show on his face, the I don’t give a fuck facade disappearing. 

Your breath hitched with the movement of his fingers on your waist, his thumb rubbing circles on the part where your top had ridden up to expose your skin. 

“He was just being nice,” you breathed out, shivering slightly. 

He rolled his eyes at your statement, a scoff leaving his lips before he leaned in, earning a gasp out of you. His nose caressed yours, and you were scared to move, his lips hovering above yours. 

“Just being nice my ass,” he clicked his tongue yet again, and suddenly you were hyper aware about the fact that you were breathing in the same air, “you wanted to know my intentions, right, princess?” He asked, “then listen, I want you all to myself,” his tone was raspy, your fingers digging into his shoulders for support, “don’t think I didn’t notice your subtle glances towards me, especially when you were with Jay,” he chuckled and you gulped, looking elsewhere. 

He was quick to grab your chin, making you look right in his eyes, “trying to get me jealous, darling? Well, good for you, it fucking worked.”

“Hee—” you whimper, your body heating up as you realized you were sitting right on his crotch. 

“Shh, bad girls don’t get to talk,” he shook his head, disappointed, “now what do we do about this? Maybe I’ll just have to claim your body to make you understand that you don’t need to make me jealous to have all my attention,” he suggested. 

You could feel the wetness down in your lacy panties and he hadn’t even touched you. Something about the way his voice came out so luscious, something about the way his touch made you feel like putty, something about his eyes made you feel mesmerized. 

“Tell me, baby. Can I mark you mine?” He asked and you felt your heart flutter, his voice was gentle when he asked for your consent, and you couldn’t hold back from wanting him anymore, nodding gently, “use your words, love,” he urged, lips parted. 

“Yes,” you whispered, grabbing on to him as he bit your lip, eliciting another gasp out of you, a teasing smirk on his face. 

“Yeah? You sure you can handle it?” He asked and you tugged on to his collar, impatiently pulling you to him. 

“Let’s find out,” you mumbled. 

Without any more delay, you closed the distance between you both, his hand coming to rest on your nape, tilting your head to kiss you passionately, his tongue brushing over your lips, parting them with ease for your tongue to graze the tip of his own. 

The room felt misty as you continued to kiss, his kisses getting more possessive by second, thinking about how no one else should have you, that you belong to him. He picked you up with ease, putting you underneath him on the bed, his kisses trailing down as you took a deep breath. 

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he mumbled midway kisses, some were long, especially the ones around your clavicle and neck region while the others were feather soft, driving you insane to the point of no return. It only ascended when his fingers finally lifted up your top, exploring the expanse of your skin with teasing touches. 

Your back arched as soon as he caresses the skin under your tits, before cupping them fully, leaning back to get rid of your top altogether. You couldn’t shy under his gaze, the way he looked at you only boosted your confidence, as if he was a predator hungry for a meal and you were his precious prey, all ready to be devoured. 

He had no time to waste, his mouth working fast to lean down, swirling his tongue around your hardened nipples, noticing how you react to his each touch, fondling your other tit, hearing you whimper and beg for more, his name chanting on your lips out of sheer pleasure. 

“It’s so fucking cute how your body reacts to every little touch of mine,” he whispered, biting your earlobe in the process, your eyes rolling to the back of your head as he stuffed his pretty fingers inside your shorts, chuckling when he realizes how soiled your lacy panties had gotten, “fuck, I wanna taste that pretty cunt,” he says, taking off his T-shirt before doing the same to your shorts, dragging your panties down alongside it. 

You found yourself drooling at the sight of Heeseung’s muscles, he had started going to the gym and the results were clearly visible on his body, but you were ripped out of your thought train when he bit your inner thigh, causing you to clench around nothing, giving you kisses and licks all over, but not touching the part where you needed him the most. 

“P—please,” you cried out of frustration, and he immersed himself, licking a big stripe of your wet cunt, genuinely loving the taste as he hummed with satisfaction, holding your thighs open with his strong arms, “oh god,” you moaned out, causing him to smirk against your wetness, pressing sweet kisses to your clit. 

It felt like heaven when you were being destroyed by the demon himself. 

Heeseung was hard, his thick cock barely containing itself from splitting your pussy into two, but he wanted to see you fall apart on his tongue first, “your cunt,” he said, licking it to make a point, “belongs to me,” he whispered and you nodded. 

“It’s yours—all yours.”

“That’s my good fucking girl, you’re all mine,” he said, his tongue prodding at your entrance, fucking your pussy, which gave you more pleasure than you had ever felt through your life. 

It didn’t take long for you to feel your lower abdomen tightening, your fingers tugging on his silky black roots as he ate you out like a madman, as if he was drunk in the essence of your pussy. With a cry, you found yourself falling apart all over his tongue and he lapped it up, coming to kiss you right after, letting you taste yourself in his mouth. He knew you’d be overstimulated, but that’s exactly what he was aiming for when he finally pulled out his cock. You knew he’d be thick, but you underestimated him still, knowing well his cock wouldn’t fit in your cunt. 

“Gonna claim you mine,” he whispered, intertwining his fingers with yours as he positioned himself on your entrance, “fuck, you’re all mine,” he said, kissing you deeply to absorb all yours moans as he pushed himself inside you. 

Your wetness helped him, yet he had to thrust in a few times to bottom out and could feel yourself clenching around him uncontrollably, loving the stretch and also the fact that he was twitching inside of you. 

His fingers grabbed your hips in a tight hold as he started pistoning into you at a pace which you hadn’t expected, and you were sure you looked crazy with how your eyes were teary, your hair a mess and your lips swollen, courtesy of the boy who groaned and slapped your cunt, fucking you deeper. 

“That’s it, baby, you’re taking me so well,” he praised and you let out broken sentences which he couldn’t comprehend, you were too gone, pushed into your subspace to the point you simply let Heeseung do all the work, moaning and whimpering for him, trying to keep your noises at bay in case anyone wakes up. 

Just when you both were about to read your high, he stopped fucking you, making you whimper out in distress, only to have you flipped with your ass up and head down on the pillow. 

It didn’t take him a second before he was entering your cunt again, fucking you from behind in hopes of giving you the brutal backshots you deserved, to fuck you in a way that you’ll be ruined forever, not even wanting to go back to another guy for their cock. 

This also gave him the perfect opportunity to spank your ass, the hurt only making you clench around him harder. 

“Fuck—I’m so—so close,” you sobbed, voice coming out muffled and Heeseung circled your clit to stimulate you further. 

“Go on, baby. Give me everything,” he urged and you both finally let go, groaning and whining as he filled you up with his cum, mixing it with your juices.

It felt as if the universe had blessed you with the highest amount of unadulterated pleasure one could have, and your eyes closed shut as Heeseung lay down next to you, breathing in and out just as quick as you to regain his strength to breathe properly. 

“Y/n,” he whispered, more gently this time, pulling you into a sweet kiss as you smiled into it, finding it amusing that he was the same guy who brutally fucked you not even a few minutes back, “you really are mine, yeah?” He said, caressing your cheek. 

“Yeah?” You asked in a whisper and he nodded earnestly, getting a washcloth and helping you into the bathroom, feeling proud when you couldn’t stand up properly. 

He was sweet. Sweeter than you had ever expected him to be and that’s why you found yourself kissing him again, and again as you both washed up in the shower, turning it to the point you both couldn’t help but giggle, his forehead resting against yours. 

“I really do like you, baby,” he whispered. 

“I really like you too, Heeseung,” you replied, feeling happier than you had ever felt, spending a while in his embrace, talking and kissing and eventually, falling asleep in his arms as you both smiled faintly, even in your deep slumber. 

Hurt. 

That’s what your body felt the second you blinked open your eyes. Images from last night revisiting you as a montage, a small smile lingered on your face, discarding the fact that you were disappointed, not having Heeseung by your side when you woke up, but then again, it was still better than getting caught by Jake. 

With the support of the bedside tables, you managed to stand up on your wobbly feet, stablizing yourself before going into the bathroom to freshen up, you needed that long bath to soothe down your muscles. 

Now wrapped up in your bath robe, you passed by the door, only to hear the sound of someone arguing. Curiosity got the best of you as you walked back, twisting the knob to open it just the right amount for it to not be noticeable, gladly the door opened seamlessly. 

“Stop playing with her feelings,” Jay whisper-yelled, and your heartbeat rose when you saw how it was directed towards Heeseung. 

“Who the fuck even said I’m playing with her?” Heeseung asked, his voice full of exasperation and anger. 

Jay scoffed, you hadn’t seen that expression on his face, ever. “So you’re just gonna go around fucking her right after Jake told you, specifically might I add, to stay away from her. What are you trying to do here? Take revenge by proving a point?” 

Your heart dropped hearing that sentence. Sneaking around made sense because Jake would, without any doubts, be against this setting, but what revenge was Jay talking about? When did Jake ask Heeseung to stay away from her, specifically at that? 

“That’s none of your business,” Heeseung replied, teeth gritted, “besides, weren’t you the one begging for her attention by putting up your good boy act? We aren’t that different, Jay,” he mocked, “you only want her cause she’s Jake’s sister.”

Your lip wobbled at his confession, he hadn’t agreed to Jay’s claims yet he hadn’t denied it either and suddenly you didn’t feel comfortable, all the positive energy drained as you rushed to get dressed, to get out. 

You trusted Heeseung too easily, and you knew you’d have to confront him about this, but you didn’t feel like doing it now. You wanted to go back home, alone, to deal with your inconvenience which would bother you for a while now. 

So you did what you had to do: run away from your problems. 

You texted Jake that you’d be taking his car, also mentioning it to Karina that you’ll be going back home, as you rushed to get dressed up and sneak out of the place without Heeseung knowing, and you were successful in doing so, sighing as soon as you started driving back. 

Heeseung thought you were sleeping in, and he couldn’t enter your room with everyone being awake and roaming around, especially when Jay knew what you two had done last night. 

The reminder only made him smile, as cliche as it sounds, he had never felt this way with other girls, your little confession only made his heart beat faster. You liked him back, and that’s all that mattered. 

“Yo, why did Y/n leave? She’s not picking up the calls either?” Heeseung heard Jake ask Karina, who knew exactly what was up. 

“She’s got some work to take care of, you don’t have to worry about it,” Karina patted his shoulder before making her way out to the beach to call you again. She knows you want space, but she also knows you like it when she checks up on you. 

Now, that was news to Heeseung, his eyes widening as he rushed to open the door to your room, only to find you weren’t actually there. 

“Fuck,” he mumbled, getting his phone out and calling you, only for it to get declined, “no, fuck,” he groaned, thinking about if he upset you in any way, yet he couldn’t understand why you’d leave, especially when you were so happy when you went to sleep. 

Or maybe she heard you talking to Jay, his subconscious spoke up, making him lose his mind and punch the wall next to him, running down the stairs to follow Karina, calling out her name which caused her to pause and remove her sunglasses. 

“Where is Y/n?” He asked, breathing heavily. 

“Are you playing with her feelings?” She asked instead of replying to his question, “cause if that’s the case then I don’t care if we’re staying at your mansion, I’ll have to kick and break your baby making machine.” Her smile was threatening. 

“Oh god, that’s not it!” Heeseung was frustrated, “I’ve liked her since we were kids, I'm not joking around,” he said earnestly, “is she upset, why did she leave?” 

Karina watched the boy with amusement in her eyes, “you’re so dumb actually. If you like her enough then why aren’t you running after her right now? Get in your car and get your girl, shoo,” she dismissed him and Heeseung didn’t wait to chat about how she shouldn’t shoo him away, rather, he ran to grab his car keys, not paying attention to Jungwon who asked why he was in such a hurry. 

Heeseung didn’t want any miscommunications whatsoever, it had been an hour since you had left, and it’ll probably be impossible to cover that distance in a short while so he decided to drive faster and get to your place. 

“Y/n, baby, please listen to me,” he muttered to himself, trying to call you again. 

You weren’t dating. It had barely been a week since you came back, a few days since he had started to get to know this new side of you and he didn’t want it to stop, not when he’s genuinely liked you for so long, minus his fuckboy ways of course. 

Jake had tried to call him a few times too, sensing that something was up, yet Heeseung didn’t pick up those calls, focusing on driving till he finally reached your place, relieved to see Jake’s car parked there. 

He knew there was an extra key under the third potted plant on the entrance, and that’s exactly what he took and opened the door. The living room was empty, which caused him to rush up the stairs to find you in your room, his chest heaving up and down. 

The sudden voice startled you, your mouth going dry at the sight of Heeseung. 

You couldn’t avoid him after all. 

“Heeseung, is everything okay? What are you doing here—why are you here?” You asked, pretending to be okay. 

“Did you hear us in the morning?” He asked, eyes softer than you had ever seen. 

You opened your mouth to speak, but stopped, gulping down your emotions before staring at your feet, “I did,” you whispered, “but it’s fine, Heeseung. The sex was great—”

You didn’t look up while rambling, and it was cut short when Heeseung pulled you into his embrace, warmth spreading all over your body with how he held you close to him. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt so broken seeing someone’s face, and he couldn’t handle that it was because of him that you felt this hurt. 

“That’s not true,” he whispered, holding you tighter, you could feel tears forming in your eyes. 

“N—no one’s ever approached me because of Jake,” your voice came out muffled, and Heeseung leaned back slightly just to look at your face, his thumb wiping the stray tear that cascaded down your cheek, “i felt like no one wanted to befriend me for me, all girls wanted to get to him through me and all the boys were so scared,” you laughed pathetically, knowing that your story wasn’t even sob worthy, “but you were the only one who still talked to me, even if it was just greeting me, asking me about my day,” you let out your breath. 

“Baby,” Heeseung cupped your cheeks. 

“You were the only exception, Heeseung. Maybe that’s the reason I’ve always liked you so much. So tell me, was it all a joke?” You asked, eyes serious. 

“It wasn’t,” he shook his head, gulping down before explaining it to you, “it happened at the party when I offered to drop you home but Jake was against it, thinking that I would use you to only fuck you, but that was not my intention I swear,” he says with a frown. 

“So that’s what you did,” your voice barely came out, it sounded broken. 

“God—no. No. I could never do that to you,” he felt helpless, trying to word his sentence properly, “I’ve liked you since we were kids, and I was heartbroken when you switched schools and cities. But I just got so excited when Jake told us that you were back—I wanted to see you, talk to you, but Jake only gave me a reminder that I couldn’t have you.”

You listened to him, your heart undoubtedly fluttering with how earnest his eyes looked, how the distress of being denied of you flashed clearly on his face. 

You really wanted to kiss him. 

“And when he gave all those permissions to Jay, I couldn’t help it. I did not have revenge in my mind Y/n. I like you too much to hurt you, and I know we’re not even dating right now, but I don’t want anyone to ruin it for us even before our story starts and I swear to god I’ll fight Jake if it means that I can have you,” he breathed out, cheeks flushed as he had confessed to someone for the very first time.

You broke into a smile despite the tears in your eyes, “you promise?” You held up your pinky finger. 

He laced his pinky finger with yours, tugging it so you stumble slightly, and he takes it as an opportunity to pull you into a deep kiss, his soft lips caressing yours in a possessive hold, promising that he’ll take care of you. 

“Good, cause I was going to be really upset if you didn’t,” you mumbled against his lips. 

He chuckled before saying, “don’t ever run away from me, yeah?” 

You nodded, hugging him back tighter as you felt your anxiety calming down, your smile widening as he kissed your forehead, easing out your worries and you were sure you wanted to give it a try—you wanted to give you both a try. 

Yet another problem lingered in your mind. 

“So, about Jake,” you winced, knowing it’ll be disastrous.

“Shh, we’ll think about him later,” he mumbled, but the peacefulness wasn’t here to stay for long as a loud voice boomed up, indicating that Jay had snitched. 

“Lee fucking Heeseung , I told you to stay away from my sister!” Jake shouted, your eyes widening as you both looked at each other. 

“Fuck, hide!”

Despite the chaos of hiding in your closet, you knew that Heeseung would always be your exception.

THANK YOU FOR READING!

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[cheol-e-kat]

𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒌 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕, 𝒕𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒆𝒓

pairing: kim mingyu  / f!reader / choi seungcheol

summary:  y/n thought she was in a normal, healthy relationship with another human until mingyu was forced to turn y/n into a vampire to save her life. 

but when y/n is still upset about all of mingyu's lies, she leaves to find her own way and stumbles into vampire seungcheol along the way. 

y/n is left to chose between a new love and maybe her true love. 

teaser word count: 2.4k [full fic approx. 30k]

genre: vampire au, soulmate au, crack - when soonyoung pretends to be a doctor! (i said crack), smut, kind of found family

rating: 18+, mdni, explicit

warnings below cut

warnings: grief, depression, anxiety, gentle kidnapping, blood, gore, fake death, real death (mc has to die to be turned - sorry - just vampire things), sex, drugs, alcohol, blood consumption (vampires, hello)

Y/n was depressed. Which everyone kept saying was natural because who wouldn’t be after they had watched their boyfriend be buried - so they were understanding. 

But the problem was Mingyu was (had been) so much more than just Y/n’s boyfriend. They had been dating for two years - they had plans to run away together and live together and make their own life TOGETHER. No one understood what Mingyu had actually meant to Y/n. 

No one understood that her inner grief was tenfold compared to what she let them see. 

She stayed cooped up inside her apartment wearing Mingyu’s hoodies, hoping that his scent would linger until she died - which, according to Jeonghan, wouldn’t be that long if she didn’t stop isolating herself so thoroughly.

And maybe Jeonghan had a point, since she only shifted from her computer to her couch when she was practically falling asleep at her keyboard. She hadn’t gone to class since it happened, or left her apartment for that matter, excluding the funeral. 

Y/n refused to accept what had happened. She didn’t like talking about Mingyu in the past tense. She didn’t think about Mingyu in the past tense. To her, it seemed like maybe Mingyu was just somewhere that, if she tried hard enough, she could reach, and they could be together again.

She had only gone to the funeral because her friends (their friends, she supposed) had dragged her there. She had stared straight ahead - her head swimming with thoughts of how she could fix all of what was happening. She had only paid her respects because she felt forced to, but to her, there had to be a solution - she was determined that Mingyu didn’t have to stay this way.

She did not mention this to anyone else. 

She did not explain that she had been digging into odd-looking message boards - ones where people claimed to have successfully reunited with their loved ones. Mostly because all of these seemed to center around things like Ouija boards and ghosts. Y/n had higher hopes than some knocking on a table. She wanted Mingyu back.

And that was how she found Dr. Kwon Soonyoung - founder of Tiger Life © 

According to one OP’s review, Dr. Kwon had been able to bring life back to the OP’s brother-in-law in under two sessions. 

Another one read, “Dr. Kwon has medical expertise beyond any ‘regular’ doctor - he truly views his patients holistically.” 

And one enthusiastic reviewer reported that “Dr. Kwon saved my life - everyone else was resigned to my quote-unquote ‘death’ but not Dr. Kwon - he never gave up and here I am typing this review!”

It wasn’t so much the reviews that got Y/n’s attention - for all she knew those were from bots - it was the videos showing the actual process. She had looped it trying to figure out if it was fake. 

But everything she saw, from digging up the body to injecting it with something pink from a beaker that caused the person to rouse like they had woken up from a nice, long nap, seemed to check out in her exhausted mind.

And somehow it only cost $499.99 plus gas and snacks, with a preference for gummy candies and chips. 

Y/n watched the other videos as well - there was an interview where Dr. Kwon explained that the ‘life-challenged’ were just in need of a hard ‘reboot’ of their systems and that all were just waiting to be reunited with their lives. 

Dr. Kwon did note that in some cases his patients may have elected to move on fully, but that in 98% of cases, the patients were now restored with their normal energy levels and “everything.”

Y/n watched the videos with tired eyes while she slurped noodles, barely tasting them as they wiggled down her throat and satisfied her grumbling stomach. The more she saw Dr. Kwon, with his glasses and white coat, the more confident she was that it was worth the money. So after a week of not sleeping and watching videos, she finally sent a message to the instagram account provided and waited for a response. 

Waiting really meant that she passed out on her couch - it wasn’t necessarily the most comfortable slumber, but Y/n was no longer in a position to argue with her body and its needs, she yielded to sheer exhaustion. 

But apparently during the week that she had been researching Dr. Kwon and his methods, she had ignored Jeonghan a bit too much. Since she was suddenly being woken up from a very restful faceplant by a loud knocking on her door.

She slowly rolled off the couch, landing with a small thud and groaning, swearing that Jeonghan knew her door’s passcode. She stayed on the floor for a bit longer, her eyes not wanting to fully open, her thick eyelashes feeling almost tangled together, but Jeonghan was insistent and LOUD. Y/n roused herself forcefully and went to fling the door open.

Jeonghan, pale and slender and dressed to kill in his all-black ensemble, lifted his oversized sunglasses to stare daggers at Y/n, “You look terrible,” he deadpanned with a smile that tugged the corners of his lips, “Can I come in already or do I have to stand on the doorstep like some sad person delivering food?” he demanded softly.

Y/n sighed, “Yeah, come in, I guess,” and let Jeonghan pass.

She wasn’t exactly thrilled to have Jeonghan there. Because with Jeonghan there, she was suddenly very aware that she hadn’t showered in a few days and was unquestionably gross. 

She was also uncomfortably aware of every single greasy hair on her head because she was sure that Jeonghan was examining them as well. She felt like a child who had been left to their own devices compared to Jeonghan whom she had never seen with a hair out of place.

Jeonghan poked around Y/n’s desk, examining the haphazardly stacked dirty dishes with a slender finger that seemed to be declaring everything as ‘ick,’ “How have you been?” his voice was kinder than she expected.

She blushed, “Fine,” she didn’t want to say that she had definitely spent $500 on something that was maybe a grift.

Jeonghan nodded, “You seem like you’re still missing him,” Jeonghan seemed to be talking to himself more than to Y/n.

She shrugged, “No, I – uhh, I’m fine now,” she stammered - even if Dr. Kwon was a grifter, she would give it a chance.

 What was the worst case anyway - she dug up a dead body, she wondered to herself if that was the worst part. She had no idea what a body would look like after being buried for a week or so, actually she wasn’t sure how long it had been anymore, but not so long, she was fairly certain. But maybe it was more like a month, but only if she actually gave it some thought and counted the days.

She barely noticed that Jeonghan was suddenly in front of her until Jeonghan touched her cheek, “Who is Dr. Kwon?” he asked gently.

She shrugged, certain she hadn’t mentioned the name aloud, or at all, and avoided eye contact when she responded, “I don’t know,” she sounded almost confident.

And Jeonghan pinched her cheek lightly and sighed, “It’s funny when you lie to me and think I don’t know,” he sighed again, this time it was more pronounced and dramatic, “Oh well, I guess we will just have to meet the doctor together,” he announced and flopped onto the sofa. He gazed at her, daring her to contradict what he had just declared.

She bit her lip gently and shrugged, “If you say so,” she wasn’t in the mood for Jeonghan’s games, “I’m going to shower,” she muttered. She could have sworn she heard a small ‘thank you’ from Jeonghan but wasn’t sure and wasn’t going to check either.

Y/n was happy to shower - she hadn’t realized how grimy she had felt until she wasn’t. And now she could lie in her bed and bury her face in the pillow Mingyu had once used while she stared at her dms waiting for a response. 

She could hear low sounds from the tv - she had just assumed that Jeonghan was staying by the way he had parked himself on the sofa. There was something comforting about it though. She really had been very alone the last however many days or weeks. She nuzzled into the pillow that still held Mingyu’s balsamy scent and was quickly asleep. 

── .✦

Y/n had been used to her weird dreams since she was young - they were usually pleasant, maybe a bit too real, but since she had met Mingyu whenever she woke up from one there was someone there to cuddle her and assure her that she was okay. 

Now she sat up, rubbing her face, and remembered she was alone again - there was no one to tell her that the weird dream about Mingyu floating in the air above her with hungry red eyes was fake. 

She could have cried, but then Jeonghan would have probably heard her and had some snarky comment to make. She fell back onto the bed and chewed her lip. She stayed motionless, letting the sadness wash over her and then recede like the tide. She hated that even in her dreams Mingyu had become something macabre. 

Even as her feelings ebbed, she felt her phone vibrate with some new notification. She blinked and checked to see that it was an instagram notification. She was quick to unlock her phone and read the message from Dr. Kwon replying that he thought Y/n’s case was one that warranted review and suggested that they meet that night. 

She responded without hesitation, wanting to be sure that she met Dr. Kwon as soon as possible. She waited excitedly for confirmation. And she grinned stupidly when it came through - a message providing an address for a small tea shop and a request for payment only once she was satisfied with the results of the procedure. Y/n chewed her lower lip softly - if this were a grift, at least it wasn’t an obvious one, she supposed.

She got up and dressed in something she didn’t mind going out in. And walking out of her room, she was feeling a bit excited for once since everything had changed - she had almost forgotten Jeonghan completely until he piped up, “Heading out, Y/n?” 

Y/n’s head spun to look at Jeonghan, who was lounging on the sofa with some baking show playing in the background – his eyes were closed, giving the impression he was napping. 

She stared for a moment, her blood feeling a bit icy in her veins because it reminded her of the way Mingyu always seemed to know when she got out of bed (or into it) - he would seem fast asleep, but he was also keenly attuned to any little movement from Y/n. She wasn’t sure why it would make her uncomfortable now - probably because it was coming from Jeonghan and not Mingyu, she guessed. She knew Mingyu cared, at least.

Jeonghan sighed and stood up, stretching nonchalantly, “I assume we are going to see the mysterious Dr. Kwon?” he almost sounded chipper, which was a strange development.

Y/n shrugged off the feeling, “Uh, I’m just going out,” she tried.

Jeonghan tutted, “You aren’t getting rid of me so easily, Y/n, I’m an old hand at all of this - you just need to accept that certain things come along with dating Kim Mingyu,” he had already rounded the sofa and was next to Y/n, looping his arm through hers and steering them towards the door.

It was a strange turn of phrase that Y/n played over in her mind as they sat in the back of a taxi ‘certain things come along with dating Kim Mingyu,’ but what did that mean, she wondered, and more to the point why would Jeonghan say it to her - it was another of those annoying things that somehow reminded her of Mingyu’s mannerisms but was also starkly different. 

Mingyu was good at anticipating certain things - things that Y/n generally had to blatantly ask for from past partners, Mingyu always seemed to just understand. But that understanding felt natural between them, innate even. 

From Jeonghan, it made Y/n’s skin crawl and she attempted to sit as far away from the other as she could in a cramped taxi. Especially since Jeonghan’s comment had to do with her very dead boyfriend. 

Y/n stared out the cab’s window, watching the slow drizzle of rain and fog commingle as they wound their way to the ancient tea shop. It was in an older part of the city. To her, it certainly had the vibes of a place you would meet someone who was capable of reanimating the dead. 

Jeonghan took care of the cab while she went into the shop. There was only one table that was occupied. Y/n immediately recognized the man from Youtube - it was really him, Dr. Kwon Soonyoung.

He glanced up and smiled warmly, “You must be Y/n,” his voice was welcoming, as he stood from his seat and gestured for her to join him. 

She sat and, again, found herself being startled by Jeonghan’s sudden appearance at her side. It was a bit annoying to feel like she had a chaperone. Still, she wanted to know what Dr. Kwon had to say. 

She accepted tea from the pot - which, in hind sight, was maybe her worst decision. Because before they could really even talk, she had started to feel groggy. Her vision swam a bit, and her head began to ache horribly. 

Her vision blurred at the edges. And soon, she realized she was being taken by Jeonghan and Dr. Kwon, who Jeonghan seemed to know fairly well, since he kept calling him ‘Soonie’, out the back of the shop.

She tried to cry for help but there was no sound, nor did there seem to be anyone to even hear her. She noticed as they carried her out how decrepit the building looked - it looked on the verge of being condemned more than anything. How had it seemed so warm and inviting at first, she wondered in her haze.

She had no idea where they were taking her, but they put her in the back of a large black car. The last thing she saw was Jeonghan, leaning over her to buckle her in and pat her head, “Don’t worry, we won’t hurt you, even if Soonyoung has crackpot ideas,” he smiled in a way that only made Y/n whimper. 

this should be fun and messy ^^ also don't come at me about tags - this is a teaser for a fic that meets fluff, smut, and angst - but the beginning is def crack

@gyupappi - just a teaser, but vampire mingyu needs more than a one shot (and vampire cheol...and hosh as a grift doc on insta hehehe) kissesss

♡ kat

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[simpforbbarnes]

Dust and Destiny pt.6

Pairing : Bucky Barnes x Stark!reader

Summary : Bucky Barnes and you used to be lovers , madly in love. But you lost him in the blip and lost him again after the blip because he need to “find himself”.

Warning : cursing

Words : 2.1k words

I am so sorry for the late post :( im not feeling well and just getting better now :)

Previous Part (pt.5) | Part 6 | Next Part ( pt.7 )

—————————-

The unspoken tension

Joaquin is still standing there, wide-eyed, arms crossed as if he just walked straight into a live grenade.He turns to Sam, muttering under his breath, “Okay. So. Just to be clear. That was not a normal team meeting, right?”

Sam sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Not even close.”Joaquin exhales. “Good. Because I genuinely thought I was about to die in there.”

Sam huffs out a laugh, but it’s tired. Joaquin hesitates, glancing toward the door. “So… what the hell was that?”

Sam looks at him. Really looks at him.

And then, with a heavy breath, he says, “That? That was seven years of grief, heartbreak, and trauma finally catching up to all of us.”

Joaquin frowns. “I mean, yeah, I got that part. But what’s the deal with her and Barnes?”. Sam sighs. “That, my friend, is a whole other can of worms.”

Joaquin raises a brow. “Give me the short version.”

Sam rubs a hand down his face. “The short version? They were in love. She lost him to the Blip for five years. She risked her life to bring him back. And when she did?”

Joaquin waits. Sam exhales sharply.

“He left her.”

Joaquin blinks. “Damn.”. “Yeah,” Sam mutters. “Damn.”

Joaquin shakes his head, running a hand through his hair. “Yeah, uh- remind me to never walk into something like this again.”. Sam snorts. “Oh, trust me, you don’t need reminding.”

Joaquin crosses his arms, still processing everything. Then, after a beat, he turns to Sam and asks,

“So… how did they even meet?”

Sam lets out a breath, shaking his head like he’s been waiting for that question. “Man. That is a long-ass story.”

Joaquin smirks. “Good thing I’m not going anywhere.”

Sam huffs a laugh, leaning back against the table. “Alright. Buckle up, Torres, because this one’s a rollercoaster.”

Joaquin raises an eyebrow. “Oh, this is gonna be good.”

Sam exhales, glancing toward the door where you and Tony had both walked out. His expression softens just a bit.

“It was back where Sokovia Accords kinda shit, tony versus Steve beef,” Sam starts, voice lower now, like he’s telling some old legend. “Bucky was still on the run, brainwashing still messing with his head. And her?” He huffs. “She was still just Stark’s daughter back then. Smart as hell, but young.. hell, we were all young.”

Joaquin leans in slightly. “So what happened?” Sam smirks. “She met him. And from the second she did? It was game over.”

Joaquin tilts his head. “Love at first sight?”

Sam chuckles. “More like enemies to whatever-the-hell-this-is.” Joaquin grins. “Sounds messy.”

“Oh, it was,” Sam confirms. “She was supposed to hate him. Did hate him, at first. But that girl’s got a heart bigger than her damn ego, and Bucky?” He shakes his head. “Man, I don’t know what it was, but something in him just… gravitated toward her.”

Joaquin listens, intrigued. “And then what?” Sam gives him a look. “And then they spent years dancing around each other. Fighting, saving each other’s asses, getting way too close but never close enough. Until finally?” He exhales. “They stopped running.”

Joaquin nods slowly, piecing it all together. “And then the Blip happened.” Sam nods. “Yeah.”

“And she lost him.”

“For five years,” Sam emphasizes, voice tinged with something sad. “And when she finally got him back?”

Joaquin already knows the answer. “He left.”

Sam sighs. “Yeah. He left.”

Joaquin leans back, rubbing a hand over his face. “Okay, yeah, I definitely shouldn’t have come here today.”

Sam snorts. “Told you.” Joaquin shakes his head, still wrapping his head around it. “So what now?”

Sam glances toward the door again, his expression unreadable. “Now?” he says. “Now we wait for the fallout.”

Joaquin smirks, tilting his head as an idea sparks in his mind.

“Or…” he drawls, crossing his arms with a grin. “Let me be the knight in shining armor.”

Sam immediately groans. “Oh, hell no.”

Joaquin raises an eyebrow. “What? She’s single, I’m single, and let’s be real, have you seen me?” He gestures to himself. “I’m a damn catch.”

Sam looks like he’s fighting for his life not to smack him upside the head. “Torres. Listen to me very carefully.” He leans in, lowering his voice. “That woman? She’s been through hell. And if you so much as think about playing games-”

Joaquin holds up his hands, mock offense on his face. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Who said anything about playing games? I’m just saying, maybe she needs a distraction.” He smirks. “And who better than me?”

Sam deadpans. “You really got a death wish, huh?”

Joaquin just shrugs, still grinning. “Hey, if Barnes doesn’t want her, someone’s gotta step up.”

Sam stares at him for a long moment. Then, he exhales, shaking his head. “You know what? Fine. Go ahead.”

Joaquin blinks. “Wait, really?”

Sam nods. “Yeah. Go be her knight in shining armor.” Then, his lips twitch into a knowing smirk. “Just don’t cry to me when Barnes rips your head off.”

Joaquin falters slightly. “…He wouldn’t actually-”

Sam claps a hand on his shoulder, grin widening. “Good luck, lover boy.”

Joaquin swallows, his smirk faltering slightly as he glances at Sam again.

“He’s really gonna rip my head off?”

Sam doesn’t even hesitate. “Oh, absolutely”. Joaquin blinks. “Like… actually?”

Sam crosses his arms, giving him a pointed look. “You see the metal arm, right? The one that could punch through a truck like it’s cardboard?”

Joaquin shifts uncomfortably. “Okay, but-hypothetically-what if he, I don’t know, doesn’t kill me?”

Sam huffs out a laugh. “Then you’d be the first.”Joaquin scoffs. “Come on, he’s not that bad.”Sam just stares.Joaquin hesitates. “…Right?”

Sam exhales, shaking his head. “Listen, Torres. I like you. You’re a good guy. But if you go anywhere near her?” He whistles low. “Let’s just say, I don’t think they make caskets pretty enough for what Barnes is gonna do to you.”

Joaquin rubs a hand over his face. “Shit.”

Sam grins, clapping him on the back. “Hey, at least you’ll die pretty.”

Joaquin groans. “You’re so supportive, man.”

“Hey, I’m just being honest,” Sam says, shrugging. “And I’d rather you hear it from me than from Barnes- because trust me, his warning would involve a lot more broken bones.”

Joaquin throws his hands up. “Okay, but let’s think about this for a second. Maybe just maybe he doesn’t care anymore. Maybe he’s moved on, and he won’t even—”

Sam cuts him off with a laugh so sharp and disbelieving that Joaquin physically flinches.

“Oh, Torres,” Sam says, shaking his head. “You sweet, naive little idiot.”

Joaquin frowns. “Why do I feel insulted right now?”

“Because you should,” Sam tells him. “Barnes still cares. Deeply. And if you think he’s just gonna sit back and let you swoop in like some knight in shining armor?” Sam chuckles darkly. “You got another thing coming.”

Joaquin clicks his tongue, thinking it over. “Okay. Alright. But what if she actually wants me to swoop in?”. Sam raises a brow. “You sure you wanna test that theory?”

Joaquin hesitates. “…Not anymore.”

Sam laughs, shaking his head. “Smart man.” Then, after a beat, he smirks. “But, hey—if you do wanna test it, just let me know first. I’d love a front-row seat to the ass-whooping Barnes is gonna give you.”

Joaquin glares. “You are the worst wingman ever.”

Sam grins, completely unbothered. “Nah, I’m just trying to keep you alive.”

But Sam knows better. Joaquin will try even after the warning.

…..

The compound is quiet. Too quiet.

You’re sitting in the kitchen, nursing a drink, staring blankly at the countertop. The day had been… exhausting. Between the mission, the confrontation with Bucky, and Joaquin’s sudden presence stirring things up, your brain feels like it’s been through a blender.

And then, because the universe clearly isn’t done fucking with you, he walks in. Bucky stops when he sees you, his jaw tightening. For a second, he looks like he’s debating whether to turn around and leave.

You roll your eyes. “Oh, don’t flatter yourself, Barnes. I’m not gonna run just because you’re here.”

His lips press together, and then because he’s just as stubborn as you… he steps further inside, heading toward the fridge. “Didn’t say you would.” You snort. “Right. Because you’re the expert on not running.”

Bucky freezes for half a second, his fingers gripping the fridge handle a little too tightly. Then, he exhales through his nose, pulling out a water bottle. “You’re never gonna let that go, huh?”

You scoff. “You left, Bucky. Twice. What, do you expect me to just pretend like that didn’t destroy me?”

His blue eyes flicker to you, something dark and guilty lurking behind them. He doesn’t say anything.

You shake your head, taking another sip of your drink. “It’s funny, you know. We used to- .” Your cut your words, your voice falters slightly, but you push through it. “Now I don’t even know what we are.”

Bucky swallows, gripping the water bottle like it’s the only thing grounding him. “I never wanted to hurt you.”

“Yeah?” You let out a bitter laugh. “Well, congratulations, James. You did anyway.”

Silence. Thick. Heavy.

And then, because fate has the worst timing, Joaquin’s voice rings out from the hallway.

“There you are, Stark! I’ve been looking-” He stops in his tracks when he sees you and Bucky, the tension in the air practically suffocating. “…Oh. Shit. Should I, uh—?”

Bucky’s entire posture shifts. His jaw clenches, shoulders tensing, like he’s preparing for battle. Joaquin notices, and because he’s either bold or completely reckless, he smirks.

“Well,” Joaquin drawls, stepping further inside. “This is awkward.” You sigh, rubbing your temple. “What do you want, Torres?”

Joaquin leans against the counter next to you, eyes glancing between you and Bucky like he’s trying to piece something together. “Was just gonna ask if you wanted to take a walk.” He smirks again, looking directly at Bucky this time. “Unless you’re busy?”

Bucky’s grip tightens around the water bottle. You glance between them, realizing exactly what Joaquin is doing. And for some reason… you let him.

You set down your drink, standing up. “You know what? A walk sounds nice.” Joaquin grins, throwing a glance at Bucky. “Cool. Let’s go.”

As you walk past Bucky, you swear you hear the plastic of the water bottle crack in his grip.

You don’t look back.

….

The night air is cool against your skin as you and Joaquin walk side by side, the compound fading into the background. There’s a quiet ease to the moment, but the weight of everything still lingers in your chest.

Joaquin exhales, shaking his head. “Man… I really should’ve stayed home today.”

You snort. “Yeah? What gave it away?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” he says, counting on his fingers. “The insane tension, the death glare from Barnes, the way you looked like you were gonna throw a punch at any second.” He smirks. “Seriously, Stark. That was some heavy shit back there.”

You sigh, rubbing your temple. “Yeah. Welcome to my life.”

Joaquin glances at you, eyes scanning your face like he’s trying to read between the lines. “So… you and him. That’s some real history, huh?”

You hesitate, then nod. “Yeah.” He hums in thought. “And you still love him.”

and you still love him. It’s not a question.

You swallow hard, keeping your gaze forward. “Doesn’t really matter.” Joaquin watches you for a second before shaking his head. “You say that, but I don’t think you believe it.”

You huff out a dry laugh. “You a mind reader now, Torres?”

“Nah.” He grins. “Just really observant.”

Something in his tone makes you pause, and when you turn to look at him, there’s something in his eyes… something unreadable, but warm.

He tilts his head slightly, studying you. “You know… I get the feeling you don’t let a lot of people in.”

You hesitate, caught off guard by the shift in his voice. “Not really.”

Joaquin nods, like he already knew that. “Well, if you ever wanna let someone else in…” He gives you a small, knowing smirk. “Just say the word.”

Your breath catches slightly. It’s subtle- not a declaration, not a grand confession. But it’s there. The interest. The possibility.

And for the first time in years… it makes you think. You shake your head, smiling just a little. “You really don’t have a survival instinct, do you?”

Joaquin chuckles. “Hey, what’s life without a little risk?” You roll your eyes, nudging him playfully. “You’re insane.”

He grins. “You have no idea.”

And as you both make your way back toward the compound, you realize something..

Bucky Barnes may still hold pieces of you… but Joaquin Torres?

He’s starting to see you.

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[cryinggirlnamedhelen]

may the odds be ever in your favor - itoshi rin

fem!reader

“and the male tribute of district 12 is…”

you watched with bated breath, wiping your hands on your flowy skirt once more. you were wearing your best clothes for reaping day; something you never understood. why would you dress nicely to be delivered to your death? the seam was never known for it's incredible clothing nor hygiene after all.

“itoshi rin!”

your heart dropped.

rin was your best friend; you've known him ever since you were both still only 4 years old, and you were both 17. rin had put his name in for an extra amount of times in the reaping for tesserae. last year was his older brother's sae last year to be picked for the hunger games, and luckily, sae managed to not be picked once by the reaping ceremony.

rin wasn't so lucky.

you watched as rin stalked up the stairs, hands trembling. you watched as he stood next to the escort for district 12, anri teieri. “and now for the ladies!” she said cheerfully; too cheerfully, one might've added. sticking her hand into the bowl of young girls, she picked out a name and slipped it open.

“(y/n) (l/n)!”

your stomach lurched, and you slowly stepped towards the stage, tears wetting your lashes. you stood in front of rin, his eyes widening a fraction as he mouthed your name. “now, may the tributes shake hands!” both at both of your stiffness, anri took both of your right hands and clasped them together, forcefully shaking them.

“and may the odds be ever in your favor.”

you didn’t have any time to meet with your family members one last time, as you were both shoved onto the train to the capitol.

you, rin, and anri both sat around a round glass table. your supposed mentor, julian loki, sat a few feet away from you and rin; as a normal capitol citizen should. there were no previous district 12 winners, so therefore, a student of the academy there would be your mentor.

“now, for the both of you…” loki began, inspecting both of your faces. “you’ve both got good faces. i can imagine many of the capitol citizens would bet on you because of looks alone; especially you, rin. but what about your combat skills? and charisma?”

this whole train ride, you’ve been silent, but finally, you spoke up. “rin’s strong and fast. he’s good at kicking and he’s got good eyes.” you spoke your words like rapid fire but shutting up, rin’s eyes darting to you.

“(y/n)’s funny and likable. she’s good at hiding and good with nature.” rin replied right back. for a moment, you both just stared at one another in silence. finally, loki cleared his throat.

“that’s good. and im considering you both know each other well?” loki asked, taking a sip of his whiskey. you nodded hesitantly.

“yeah. we…we’ve known each other for a while.”

“then you can both be allies for the games.” loki said, taking out a golden pen and notebook, scribbling something inside. “president ego particularly enjoys this sort of stuff, although im not sure what head gamemaker chris prince will say about two people from district 12 allying up…but what can he do?”

anri nodded. “well, eat up. you guys will need to put on some weight to maximize energy. we’ll probably be arriving at the capitol at 9 AM tomorrow.”

a few silver platters were placed on the table, and both your eyes and rin’s went wide as circles when you saw just the amount of luxurious food there was in front of you. there was never this much food in district 12, especially not food that smelled so heavenly.

forgetting about the hunger games for a moment, you stuffed as much as you could in your mouth, uncaring about what food it was. all you could think about was how delicious the food was, and how different it was from the food at district 12. rin dug in as well, his cheeks round like chipmunks as he ate.

loki and anri looked at each other before shrugging. well, this might be one of your last meals after all.

—

you only remembered the names of the tributes might be threats to you and rin.

district one. isagi yoichi.

district two. mikage reo.

dissect three. karasu tabito.

district four. barou shoei.

district five. nagi seishiro.

district six. otoya eita.

district seven. karasu tabito.

district eight. bachira meguru.

district nine. yukimiya kenyu.

district ten. chigiri hyoma and his sister koyuki hyoma.

district eleven. kunigami rensuke.

one week later, you stepped foot into the arena, inhaling deeply to calm your nerves. you are rin both glanced at each other before you gave him a small nod.

5…4…3…2…1.

you and rin both bolted away from the cornucopia, not wanting to engage in a bloodbath. there was a forest a few hundred yards from the cornucopia, and you and rin had both met each other there. sitting down from exhaustion, you glanced at him. “i wonder how many of them just died from the cornucopia alone.”

“i don’t think purple made it out alive. the one from district two? i heard him scream.” rin muttered. “although the hassle guy from district five might’ve saved them; they were close during the training.”

“well, out least we made it out of the first most deadly five minutes of the games alive: the bloodbath.” you grinned. he raised an eyebrow at you.

“that’s not something to cheer about. the people who survive the bloodbath are the most deadly, meaning that the most deadly people are still alive.” rin mumbled. “let’s go find some water. it’s the most important thing to find on the first day.”

you nodded, standing up and following him.

—

it was supposed to just be a search for some berries.

but isagi was atop you, dagger plunged into your stomach, scarlet oozing out of your mouth and stomach. Isagi bit down on his lip, swallowing. tears stained his cheeks as he panted, gripping the handle of the dagger. “im sorry, (y/n), but i had to.” he whispered.

you knew isagi wasn’t an ally, not when he was probably the most dangerous tribute aside from rin, receiving a training score of 11 along with rin. but he always treated you politely, even having wished you good luck before the game started.

“rin!” you screamed, your voice shrill. “rin! where are you, rin?!” tears leaked from your eyes. you wanted to at least see him one last time before you died. isagi sighed before he stood up and walked away and vanished into the forest.

right as isagi left, you finally saw the familiar eyes of sea glass. “(y/n)?” rin asked weakly, before he sprinted over and kneeled down next to you. “(y/n)!” he hollered, tears at his eyes.

“nonononono— no, you’re okay—!” he whimpered, plunging the dagger out before ripping off his jacket and wrapping it around your stomach. you whined from the pain. “you’ll live, you’ll live—“ rin muttered.

“r-rin…”

“stop it. stop talking. you’ll be okay.”

“rin, i…” with the little remaining strength you had, you gripped his hand. your eyes softened as he pressed on your wound, attempting to stop the bleeding.

“i wish we could have lived a normal life together. i wished we could have joked around more often. i wish we could have spent longer together. i wish we could’ve gotten married and had kids and sang together more often with the Covey. i wish we could go into the illegal wired area of district 12 that we were always too scared to go into. i wish we could have gotten that thing called ice cream that the people from districts 1 and 2 and the capitol always have.”

“(y/n)—“

“rin, i love you.”

silence followed, and for a few moments, everything was ghostly silent. it began to rain, the gamemakers way of mocking him, and finally, rin broke.

most of the tributes weren’t there to witness your skin growing cold or your eyes going dark, and yet the dreadful scream that itoshi rin let out at that moment alerted everything that his beloved (y/n) had died.

he cradled you in his arms, sobbing uncontrollably. “no, please, don’t leave me. please, don’t go.”

if only you could have responded.

—

isagi and rin were the only tributes left.

both of their knives at each other’s neck, they were both practically already half dead. “prince! they’re both going to die at this point, and this year will end with no victor!” a gamemaker, agi, exclaimed. chris prince hummed for a moment before typing something into his floating keyboard.

“let’s end it here. it’ll be entertaining for two people to have won the games this year and one of them having killed the other’s lover.” prince said. he tapped a button, allowing him to speak to isagi and rin.

“attention! isagi yoichi of district 1 and itoshi rin of district 12 are the victors of the 32th hunger games!”

they both looked up, wide eyed and bloody. a helicopter flew over them, letting down a ladder. they both climbed aboard the ship and were instantly transferred to medical support.

rin had 7 stabs on both of his legs, 3 stabs of his right arm, and one stab on his stomach. isagi had 5 stabs all over his torso and 9 stabs on his limbs in total, although he had received a severe head injury from a large rock being thrown at his head from barou as a last attempt to kill isagi before barou died.

itoshi rin didn’t make it.

—

in 2006, japan, kanagawa prefecture, you saw itoshi rin at an ice cream store for the first time when you were four.

a/n: in honor of the new hunger games book coming out🥹 if you guys didn’t know i love the hunger games, it’s my fav book series of all time; i’ve always been a peeta girl btw

[cheezb6llz]

YANDERE SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG X READER

shadow holding you cappptiiivee :3

———

Your arms ache from struggling. The cuffs on your wrists binding you to the bedpost behind you aren’t exactly painfully tight, but they’re enough to keep you from going anywhere. Well, not that you really could go anywhere, Shadow made sure of that..

The room he’s keeping you in is.. Well.. unsettlingly nice. A soft, large, bed.. Warm lighting, your favorite snacks on a nearby table as if you could even get up to grab them.. The windows? Locked. The doors? Guarded. But by who? Him, silly!

He’s not cruel, no! He doesn’t yell much, doesn’t hurt you. Instead, he’s convinced he’s doing you a favor! He’s taking you away from the dangerous world outside, how could you not thank him?

And now.. Here he was, sitting on the edge of the bed beside you, brushing a strand of hair from your face. Your stomach twists.

“You’re still upset.” he murmurs, his gloved hand lingering on your cheek.

You glare at him, turning your head away.

“You kidnapped me, Shadow.”

His face remains the same. If anything, he looks confused. He understands why you may be upset at that, but after all he’s done for you here? I mean, this room was MUCH better than what you had before, and he knew considering the amount of times he’s been inside there (whether you knew or not..)

“You’re safer here.” he states, tilting his head. His voice was as smooth as ever. “Out there, who knows what could happen to you?”

You turn back to him.

“Oh yeah? And in here, I’m supposed to do what? Just sit around while you.. I dunno- Play house with me!?”

Shadow exhales, trying to keep his patience.

“I have given you everything you need. Look around you, Y/N. What more do you need?”

The snack tray next to the bed, the pile of blankets on a nearby chair, the softest ones he could find.. Even the clothes folded neatly on the dresser. Your clothes, of course, taken from your home. He wanted to make sure you were as comfortable as possible.

he almost looked disappointed.

He’s not keeping you in some kind of.. dark, cold, dungeon.. He’s keeping you in a place he wants you to love!

“You’re insane.” you mutter under your breath, avoiding eye contact.

Shadow stiffens slightly, but recovers quickly, putting a hand under your chin and leaning forward to plant a small kiss on your forehead. You flinch, and that finally makes him frown.

He pulls back just enough to make eye contact. “You’ll warm up to me eventually.” He steps off the bed. “You just need some time.”

“I will never love you.”

Silence. He doesn’t react right away, he just watches you, expression unreadable. Then finally..

“We’ll see.”

Aaaand with that, he turns towards the door.

“I’ll give you some time to think.”

He says softly, as if this was just some sort of normal argument between lovers. As he reaches the door, he turns back towards you one more time.

“Try to get some rest, Y/N.”

He walks through the door and shuts it behind him, you can hear the clink of the lock, and you’re left alone.

alone with the realization that he’s not letting you go.

———

i am on a ROLL yawl i love writing yandere hehehehehehe

[itsriabby]

Mona Lisa - S.H. (Part 4)

“Talk to me”

actor!steve x makeupartist!reader

Trope: enemies x lovers

Wc: 3.5k

Warnings: angst, fluff, angst again, family trauma, mention of death, crying, slow-burn… One step forward, three steps back today. Hope you like it!

Main Masterlist

————————————————————————

“You sure this is how it’s supposed to look like?”

You slap his chest offended, though with a small grin on your face “Shut up, you moron!”

After a week of this newfound “friendship” with Steve, you can confidently say that he in an absolute idiot.

You really thought the bugging and annoying you would stop, but no, it’s actually worse. The only difference is now he actually laughs about it instead of looking like he wants to strangle you. That’s fine by you, at least you can exist in the same space now. One small step for normal people, one giant leap for Steve and you.

“I just think it looks a little halloweeny.” He frowns but keeps his teasing smirk in place.

You raise an eyebrow “Do you want me to make it real? Cause personally, I’d love to.” You point to the fake vfx wound on the side of his face. A laceration all the way from bellow his eye to his jaw, taking his entire cheek.

If he insults your makeup skills one more time…

“Oh well, Angela would’ve-“

“I dare you to finish that sentence…” you point a threatening finger at him. If looks could kill, he’d be incinerated.

He raises his arms in surrender “Alright Sunshine, you sure are a ball of light.” He mutters sarcastically under his breath.

You scoff “Yeah sure, like you’re such a sweetheart.”

“I am, actually.” He grins at you.

“Oh yeah?” You mock him, getting closer in front of him and crossing your arms. He’s sitting down so that gives you an advantage, towering over him in fake superiority “Says who?”

He feigns thinking and taps his chin with his finger “Well… GQ, People, seventeen, Vogue-“

“Ok, ok… alright, I get it Mr. Heartthrob.” You roll your eyes and back up a little, deciding to leave this battle for another day, as if you haven’t obviously lost.

You pick up the fake blood and start dabbing it on the fake wound with a q-tip.

“Heartthrob, huh? Am I getting YOUR heart throbbing?” He singsongs with a smug smile

“Ew, Steven, don’t ever say throb again I’m gonna be sick.” You make a disgusted face and fake shiver.

His facade falls and he nods with a frown “Yeah, actually that sounded a lot better in my head.”

You snort at that, which seems to make Steve forget about his embarrassment. He now looks up at you with a soft smile, all while you keep doing the vfx.

You don’t know how to feel about it.

He’s been doing it a lot. It seems like your friend status has made him a lot more confident around you, and sometimes he just stares at you for a while. You don’t like it. It just makes you nervous and sweaty. You suppose you don’t really like attention that much or something.

“You wanna take a picture? It’ll last longer.” You mumble with a straight face, concentrated on your task.

“Now that you say it, yeah.”

You immediately stop your brushstrokes, stepping back to inspect his face. He looks dead serious.

“What?” You scrunch up your face in confusion.

He chuckles lightly at your bafflement and reaches for his bag, taking out a Polaroid camera “I bought it last week, trying a new hobby and all. So yeah, I’d be cool to take a photo of you.” He points at you nonchalantly with the camera.

You shake your head effusively.

“I wasn’t serious.” You unconsciously take a couple steps back, which makes him get up from the chair and get closer to you, camera still in hand.

“I am.” He looks down at the device and checks if it has film. It does.

“Wait, Steven don’t, you’re just gonna waste your film, I’m like, not photogenic at all.” You look to the side so your face is not fully showing.

You’re not ashamed of yourself, not in the least. You know you’re not ugly. You consider yourself cute, pretty even in certain occasions. Still, you don’t like photos.

Scratch that, you hate photos.

Ever since your brother was able to function, he had a camera in his hands.

Your mom used to see a lot of art documentaries, very boring, very long documentaries. She saw them as a way of inspiration to decorate spaces, anything that could make her come up with the new best idea. So, your mother had once fallen asleep watching a particularly slow one, and the next had rolled in, that being about photography. Your brother was very young at the time, but somehow, it stuck with him. Ever since that moment, he became enamored with cameras.

He brought one everywhere you went; parks, vacations, school, nana’s house, the backyard, piano lessons… Also, as his big sister and the one he spent the most time with, you were on most of them, if not all.

The albums are somewhere in the attic of your house, probably drowning in dust. No one’s touched them since…

Well, the point is, you dread having your picture taken.

“I don’t care, and that’s DEFINITELY not true.” He grins at what he thinks is you being playful.

“Steven, stop it.” You put both your hands in front of you, shutting down the view from the lens.

“Nope.” He shakes his head menacingly and takes your hands off, putting the camera higher.

You grind your teeth together, feeling how the steady flow of your heartbeat is increasing by the second.

He needs to stop.

“Seriously, this isn’t funny.” You try to step beside him to get away, but he steps in front of you, nudging you softly to the wall again.

You’re starting to forget how to breathe.

“Didn’t say it was.” He contradicts himself with a smile. He raises the lens to his eye, his finger on the shutter button “C’mon, say cheeseeee!”

“Steve, no, stop.” You try to push him back gently but he doesn’t budge.

Then you hear it. The click of the shutter. No. No, no, no, no, no, no. Before you can see the flash, you quickly shove Steve away, making him drop the camera.

It breaks the second it touches the floor.

He steps back startled, his eyes zeroed on his former new hobby.

You drop your knees to the floor and start picking up the pieces panicking “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to, I’ll buy you a new one I swear.” You try to hold back the tears as you fish for all the broken parts.

He breaks out of his stunned trance and lowers himself to help you gather it “It’s my fault, I didn’t back off.” You can hear the defeat in his voice. He didn’t deserve for you to go all crazy on him “I thought you were joking, I’m sorry.”

You stay quiet as you keep your hands occupied, afraid that if you speak you’ll reveal how affected you are.

Which doesn’t work at all because Steve “the starer” Harrington notices right away.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He tries to hold your face so you’ll look at him but you step away.

“Nothing.” You avoid his gaze and stand up, leaving all the pieces in a empty space on the table.

He imitates your moves, standing up right in front of you. He searches for your eyes but they won’t look at him. He whispers your name “Please, look at me.”

You don’t comply.

It seems he doesn’t back off that easily, because he crouches slightly so your eyes are at the same level. His fingers rest under your chin “Talk to me, what’s going on?” Before he can tilt your head up to face him, you step beside him, walking to the exit.

“I have to go.” You mutter.

He takes your wrist so softly, you easily ya knit away.

“But-“

“Your makeup’s done, you can return to set when you’re ready.” With that, you step out and shut the door behind you, leaving Steve glum and disoriented.

This isn’t a big deal. You can’t make it a big deal. Just say you were feeling sick later. He’ll understand.

You’ll buy a new camera. Everything will be back to normal as if nothing happened.

Cause nothing happened. Nothing’s wrong. You’re ok. Totally fine.

——————————————————————

You’ve been avoiding Steve all day.

Every time you had to fix any of the cast’s makeup, you did so as fast as possible, coming and leaving in a span of seconds. By the time he reached whatever actor, you were gone.

He’ll forget about it. If you don’t talk for a while his mind will erase it from his mind and get to more important issues. Then you’ll be back to normal.

Until then, hide and seek it is.

You know it seems immature but this really can’t become a thing. It’s too much you’ve accepted to be his friend, you haven’t even opened up to your actual friends, let alone to your former nemesis.

Ok, maybe nemesis is a bit harsh, but the point is the point.

Play it cool. That’s it.

You’ve successfully finished your work day without encountering certain actor, and it feels like a victory.

Fully packed bag on your shoulder, you feel a tap on your shoulder.

Of course, he can’t ever stay away, can he?

“Look, Steven I need to get goi-“

“I need your help.”

You turn around at that. The whole set is mainly gone, it’s actually pretty strange that he’s here now.

The makeup you did for him is still on his face, although not quite as it was 8 hours ago. It looks like he’s been scrubbing it away.

“What’s up?” You keep your face emotionless, ready to claim to have to get home the minute he tries to talk things over.

He scratches his jaw with his nails “It’s the makeup, I’ve been looking for that industrial special glue remover you told me but I can’t find it. It’s quite literally imposible to take this off any other way, and trust me, I’ve tried.” He looks at you hopeful.

Alright. It’s just help finding something. You can do that.

“Ok… um, I left it on your trailer, are you sure it’s not there?” You frown trying to remember it’s location.

“Hm-hmm.” He nods “You can take a look yourself, maybe you didn’t put it there.” You make a face. You definitely did.

You both walk to Steve’s trailer in silence.

He looks like he wants to ask you about before, but knows better. You stay quiet.

When you reach your destination, you’re the first in, crouching down to look at his drawers in case he missed something.

Then you hear the door shutting with a key.

“Steven?”

“Yeah?”

You’re still looking straight into the drawer “Was that the lock I heard?”

You can practically hear him shrug “I don’t know what your talking about.”

Now you turn around.

“Listen, I don’t have time for this right now, I need to-“

“Get home, I know.” He imitates you with his hands in his pockets. Completely calm.

“Then what are you doing?” You raise your voice a little, face making a scowl.

“We need to talk.” He crosses his arms.

You do the same “No we don’t.”

“Yes we do.”

You huff “Are we just going to go back and forth?” You raise your eyebrows in exasperation.

“You’re not getting out until we talk so… if back and forth is what you want, then take a seat, we have all night.” He says the last part with a condescending smile, pointing to the sofa behind you.

“You’re unbelievable.”

He tilts his head sideways sarcastically ���I thought YOU were.”

You scoff indignantly and turn around, choosing to not look at him right now.

You take in the space better now. You’ve been there once to bring him the remover, but hadn’t really looked.

It’s nothing out of this world. There’s a sofa, a tv, a mini fridge, a microwave, a small counter, a chair, a bathroom… it’s the normal for these things.

It’s the details that stuck out to you. There are various children sketches of his character on the walls, along with some fan letters. The mini fridge has a couple magnets from New York, and also one from Hawkins, wherever that is. Lastly, stuck to the sides of the mirror, there are multiple photos; of him and Robin, him and a couple his age, a group of kids… He looks so happy in all of them. Are they his friends? Family? It looks like it.

You long for something like that.

“Do you like it?” You look back to see him point to to the “decor”. There’s a proud look on his face.

You nod “It’s nice.”

It’s much more than nice. But he’s locked you in this room so you can’t be too good to him right now.

He looks down with a pensative look. He probably doesn’t know how to approach you. Been there.

He decides to sit down on the chair in front of the mirror. His hand reaches down to take something he’s hidden there, and brings out the glue remover. Of course.

“Can you help me? I actually can’t take it off, that wasn’t a lie.” He smiles apologetically, although you know he doesn’t regret this at all.

You sigh.

You suppose if you’re gonna be stuck here for a while, you might as well take the prosthetic off.

You take the item from him and he breaks out a triumphant smile. His thighs part, making space for you, and you fill it, stepping into his space.

You don’t even know why you’re getting so close to him, but it’s been a long day, so you do whatever feels right. And this does.

“Look up.” You mutter. He obliges.

As you take a cotton pad with the solution and begin dabbing the edges of the silicone cut, you begin to feel how intimate your position is. His hands are hovering on the sides of your hips, not touching, but still there.

His presence is overwhelming, and you hate the way he’s looking at you. You hate that it get a reaction out of you, out of your body. Before you can tell yourself to stop, you’re stepping closer, your thigh touching his.

You don’t know what this means, but you don’t have time to think about it, not when it feels so right.

Is this what friends feel like? You don’t have a lot to compare it to.

“Are you mad at me?” He whispers looking deep into your eyes. You can’t even describe the softness of his look, of him.

You surprise yourself shaking your head no.

“I don’t like photos.” You match the timbre of his voice.

“I’ve gathered as much.” He chuckles lightly. So do you. Until you remember.

“I’m sorry about your camera.”

He flinches a little when you start tugging the silicone off, the material being very stuck to his face. When you’re done, you keep pressing the cotton on his skin, using it as an excuse to stay this way. If he notices, he doesn’t say anything.

“I don’t care about the camera, I could buy the whole store if I wanted to.” He frowns.

You huff sarcastically “How humble.”

He takes you by surprise by holding your free hand, taking it in both of his hands and lowering them on his lap, holding it there. Hes trying to comfort you. You don’t want to admit that it’s working “Why do you hate photos?”

“Not… not photos in general, I do like photos. I just don’t like it when I’m in them.” You try to explain it the laziest way so he can leave it be.

But of course he doesn’t, he’s Steve Harrington.

He gives you a look to keep going. You don’t know if it’s the intimacy of the position, the familiarity of his presence, or the way he looks at you like he cares, but you spill it all out.

He nods trying to understand “So… You only like it when your brother does your pictures?”

“Did.” You correct him. And now, now he understands.

“Oh.” His shoulders slump, taking in this new information.

“Yeah…” You nod uncomfortable. You don’t like talking about it “It was a long time ago though, so don’t feel like you need to coddle me or anything, I can take it.”

“Yeah, I know.” He whispers with the same softness as before. “I’m sorry for your loss, I can’t even imagine how awful that was.” He grips your hand harder, trying to convey how much he feels.

You shrug “You learn to live with it.”

After that, you stay in the comfort of one another for a while.

He makes eye contact again, looking at you with a glimmer in his eyes. He looks like he’s deciding if he should tell you something. He puts a hand on your hip, burning you with his touch. You’re nervous again. He opens up his mouth. What is it? Say it.

A knock on the door breaks you apart. You step back as if it burned you, getting back to reality.

What did you do?

Now Steve knows one of your weakest memories, one of your secrets. Now he can use it against you.

Now he can leave. And you don’t want him to.

“Shit, right.” Steve fumbles with the keys in his pockets and stands up to open the door.

Both your awkward is replaced by surprise when he opens up the door to find the person you’d least expect there.

“Billy?” You wonder, not expecting to see him again, even less to find him in your work place.

He’s wearing some jeans and a Jean vest, a tight T-shirt underneath. You have to admit, he suits it incredibly well.

One of his hands is resting on the side of the door, leaning on it, while the other is holding a half smoked cigarette.

“Hello Darling.” He smirks “Harrington.” He acknowledges him briefly, his eyes not leaving yours.

“What are you doing here?” Steve spits, rage oozing from him.

Why does he hate him so much?

“Oh, I remembered you saying pretty girl worked with you, so I came to pay a visit.” His gaze moves to you now, a seductive look fixed on it “I never got to ask for your number.”

“You want my number?” You tilt your head puzzled. It’s been more than a week since you met, you didn’t think he was interested.

“That’s what i said.” He inhales some smoke from the cigarette, then lets it fall to the ground, smashing it with the sole of his shoe “So? Can I take you out sometime?”

You nod, still confused. He’s cute, why not?

You give him your number, scribbling it on a piece of paper and watching him walk away with a smirk and a wink.

You’re so surprised, you don’t even notice Steve’s expression. He’s been tense since Billy arrived. His jay clenched, eyebrows together, and a fuming look, even you’re scared to talk to him.

“Steve?” You push his arm.

He immediately faces you, anger bubbling out of him “Are you seriously going to go out with him? Are you dumb?”

You step back baffled “Excuse me?”

“You heard me. He’s an asshole, you might not know him as much as I do, but you’d have to be out of your mind to actually consider going.” He’s upset, he’s taking it out on you. Just like he did when you met.

“Are you serious?” Why is he talking to you like that? Where is that soft spoken boy you told part of your life to minutes ago “I thought we were friends now.”

That seems to struck a nerve. It looks like it stung, like it hurt him. You have no idea why.

“Yeah well, as your friend I’m telling you to back off.” Of him. Of Billy he means. But it comes across differently.

He’s not measuring his words, his feelings, his anger. He doesn’t mean to make you feel bad, he just wants you to stay away from Billy.

He didn’t go about it in the best way.

You bite your cheek, fencing off the tears. What a rubbish fucking day.

“Then you’re a pretty shitty friend.” You leave the trailer, not bothering to look back at the boy.

You put your things in the trunk. When you’re behind the wheel and kilometers away from set, that’s when you let your tears flow.

Maybe you’re not meant to be friends.

And oh, how right you are.

————————————————————————

Thank you for reading guys, I appreciate your comments and reposts so much. You make me confident enough about the story to keep posting. I’m so happy you like it, I’ll try to not disappoint.

By the way, the angst is necessary for the yearning to come, trust.

Love, M.

@chelseypprimrose @stilesbilinskixx @campcampie @boomitsallie1 @spelliwasunder @wishing-on-a-staranise @stranger-things-mania @irrelevantbutembarrassing @thepassionatereader @cosmicspacewitch @seatnights @talkativecarnation @littlemisslovestoread @skipper2505 @aphetropy @spikeybatt @aria6663 @yourgirlfriennd

[yothangie]

This is how i flirt

pairing; Boxer San! x Fem reader

Genre: boxer au, SMAU, loser in a hot body, med student reader

This is how i flirt masterlist

comment to be on the taglist

Part 7: Asshat Next>>

A/N: had this drafted and i was stuck on it for the longest, i had so many personal things come up i apologize for my sudden absence :(.

after yeosang replied back, there were multiple knocks on your door.

“open the door before we get a noise complaint” Sohee yells.

you got out of room seeing Sohee on the couch laying down with his phone.

“you couldn’t use your legs to open the door” you said.

“door is far away” he says

you went and open the door revealing yeosang with his iconic innocent smile.

“hi” he smiled

“i think we’re gonna make another noise complaint”

you started walking to your room with yeosang following you along like a lost dog.

“weren’t you supposed to come tomorrow” you asked

“oh was that the plan” he innocently said

“you little sneak” you glared.

“slumber party” yeosang cheered.

you couldn’t be mad at him, it was yeosang your best friend.

“fine but I have to go to work soon” you warned

“with Choi San” he wiggles his eyebrows

you laughed at him playfully pushing him away.

-

It was later in the evening almost time for you to go to work, you went to the bathroom to change into your scrubs and get ready.

Stepping back into your room you got your bag making sure all of your stuff is in there, before heading out to the living room where Yeosang and Sohee were.

“okay yeosang is going with me to work, i sent you money for food eat something that’s not gas station food” you said

sohee agrees before mumbling goodbye to you guys.

-

You and Yeosang arrived to the arena, walking backstage and into your little nurses office.

“Sit and don’t move” you demand

yeosang obviously followed and sat down on the empty chair.

“so am I gonna meet Choi San” he says

“i guess, i have to check him before each match to make sure he’s fit” you explained

Yeosang had that excitement look on his face, well obviously he’s gonna meet a locally famous boxer.

a few minutes had past and there was a knock on the door. Both Wooyoung and San peeked tbeir heads inside.

“ready for my check up” San says

they both make their way inside San sitting on the bed while Wooyoung stands next to you like always.

“so how you been” Wooyoung says

“same as yesterday” you smiled

“boyfriend” wooyoung whispered

you both looked over at Yeosang who’s in his own world.

“best friend” you replied

“so that means you’re single”

“Wooyoung” San warned

wooyoungs puts his arms up in defeat and backs away.

“okay blood pressure is normal and so are the rest of your vitals” you said

“you’re good to fight today”

both boys cheered silently thanking you before leavings.

“you don’t watch the games” Yeosang asks

you shook your head as you open up your notebook looking over your notes.

“I have to study” you said

“but if you want to you watch you can, they always give me tickets”

Yeosang looked at you with those big doe pleasing eyes.

you reached into your coat pocket grabbing the ticket handing it to him.

“go have fun” you tell him.

“thank you thank you” he hugs you before heading towards his seat.

——

Taglist: @soso59love-blog @vampwritesstuff @invisibleshadow @haemshaems @iminluv1117 @linearities @crownj1min @kur0kki @domfikeluva @bookishcaptain @vixensss

[purplemoonabove]

Lance blinked at the lack of response. “Uh, Keith? We’re cool?”

“… Yeah!” Keith nodded a little too eager. “Yeah, yeah. We’re cool…”

Lance raised an eyebrow. It wasn’t abnormal for Keith to be the quiet emo he was back at the Garrison when he wasn’t being the show off that managed to get multiple successes before getting his butt kicked out. This subject, however, was different.

They kissed. It wasn’t like that fight he had with James that led to his expulsion, nor was it going through teamwork on an important mission or task for Voltron. It was a near experience to an adult’s drunk night of kissing a random stranger – who also just so happens fo be their friend. While talking about it, finally, has helped, Lance can’t help but feel that hint of awkwardness trying to take over the tension.

So, he’d do what he would normally do: try to play it off with ease.

Lance gave a soft chuckle, shaking his head.

“What?” That got Keith’s attention, as it should.

He brought his palms to show. “Nothing, nothing… Just a little touched.”

A thick eyebrow rose. “Touched?”

“Well, yeah. It’s not everyday you get the chance to have a kiss with this infamous and handsome individual such as myself you know.”

And already came the irritation and annoyance he knew so well off the mullet-owning paladin. That surely got off the tension. “Seriously?”

“What? I’m merely flattered that you must have enjoyed the experience. I mean, I must say not a lot of girls got the chance of a lifetime and would practically be begging to be in your shoes when it happened. It must have been my added charm that made that drink so capable to have you addicted to me,” Lance expressed, sitting at the side of the bed with mischief on his face, his eyebrows bouncing.

Keith scoffed, catching on the antic. “I’m supposed to be addicted to you?”

“Well—“

“How do I know you’re not addicted to me?”

Lance blinked, but can see the challenge in his eyes and smirk – the tables have turned. “What you mean? I am not addicted to you.”

“Sure about that considering that you: recognized me immediately after saving Shiro, kept calling me out on my hair, claiming to be a “hero-sort” of character almost all the time. You know, Lance, as far as I know, you may have been the one to drug me.”

Lance gasped, eyes wide and a hand over his chest as he stood. “You dare claim me to have drug you?! That is beneath me! Way, far, straight into the abyss of space beneath me!”

Keith smirked, crossing his arms and the tension not longer lurking in the air. “Oh?”

“Yes! In fact, I would have kiss you without the use of that drink!”

Keith’s humor dropped, eyes widening and a slight of pink on his cheeks, Lance catching on half a second after.

Oh, quiznak.

“What?”

.

.

.

Part 3 / …

[luciawithoutj]

I JUST GOT TICKETS FOR PULA GIG!!!!

How am I supposed to continue normally with my day and uni classes when I wanna scream and laugh and explode. I cannot belive after more then a year I am finally gonna see Joker Out live again.

Pula gig is literally my dream - my balkan musicians holly trinity: Joker Out, Buč Kesidi and Baby Lasagna with cheap prices and perfect venue and I should be free then because it is summer.

Additionally to this, there is high chance I can meet my online best friend and few other online friends.

(I am completely normal about this gig)

[faiirytaleskies]

"We're going to be either really feared or hunted down for our magical bread weapons. Regardless, I'll start making us loaves so we can be ready just in case." He lightheartedly joked, his smirk widening a bit. "It is a real shame, isn't it? Good to know that I'll have you by my side though. Listen if it looks like the world is ending, let's meet here at this very booth. We'll snag a cup of burnt coffee for the road and begin our journey into the apocalypse together."

He chuckled, "Believe it or not, there is more to me than my rock hard bread. Not too much more, but a little." If he wasn't cooking, then he was online gaming. Rare were the times he truly felt like reaching out to talk to someone, let alone engage in conversation like he had with Cass. "I look forward to your visit, and your review. I appreciate that you wouldn't sugarcoat it. I prefer brutal honesty. Otherwise, how am I supposed to get better?" As fun as this was to talk about, Xander did not really think Cass would show up to The Inferno.

So, it was his choice to join the military, and it sounded like they both would've had similar reasons for joining had Xander gone down that path. And he came from Virginia. All the things he made mental notes about, filing them away. "Pretty reasonable reasons to join. I would've had similar. Plus, they would've paid for my schooling and that would have been very nice. But traveling the world, getting to know places you normally wouldn't have the opportunity to get to know, that part is mostly why I think I would've wanted to join. Learning everything else is just extra benefits."

Guess that makes two of us. He met Cassius's gaze at the comment, softly smiling. There was a moment of silence that passed after it was said, the words hanging in the air for a moment, before he lifts his mug for another sip of coffee.

"Law abiding citizen, how thrilling. I'll just have to hang up my criminal dreams. Perhaps in this apocalyptic world I can live them out. Stealing all the canned foods to help us survive or something." He leans in a little, "Your list of people liking you isn't very big, and my list of liking people is probably smaller." His gaze trails back out the window, noticing that the rain has lightened up.

As their conversation turn to his time living out of the van, his gaze returns to settle on the man in front of him. It had been a rather fun time in his life, meeting new people, visiting new places. Part of him did wish he had someone with him during the time, but it had been liberating being able to do it alone. "I recommend it at least once in your life. Even if it's not for long, just a simple road trip can teach you so much about yourself and this earth." His gaze drops down to his coffee, missing the way the other looked at him. Had he caught it then he would've realized that someone was seeing Xander beyond the reserved person he puts himself out to be. Like the person who did long for adventure out there, yet someone who also enjoyed sitting in a diner to enjoy a slice of cherry pie on a rainy day.

The waitress come by to ask if they needed anything to which Xander politely just asks for the check. He also informs her that he'd be paying for Cass's coffee tab today and politely thanks her before she leaves again. If there was one thing, he didn't want to do was overstay his welcome. Plus, the guy had been a pleasure to speak with, which was rare for Xander, so he figured the least he could do is pay for his coffee. After all, he had offered him a seat.

"Thirteen years ago, huh? This place does have a way of taking hold of a person, doesn't it? There's something about the small town just right outside the bustling city. It's almost like this place is right out of the Twilight Zone. A little town that you go in, seemingly perfect, but you never leave." He chuckled, sipping on the last bit of his coffee.

Their gazes meet again at the question that followed. "At the moment, I think I'm staying for good. It seems like I keep finding reasons to continue to like it here. Like meeting a stranger inside of a diner, on a rainy day, sitting down to enjoy a slice of cherry pie and cup of coffee. It's the little things, you know?"

The waitress brings back the tab and Xander places more than enough money down. To both cover their bill and the tip. "It's been a pleasure speaking with you, Cassius." He reached for his slightly damp jacket, finishing off his coffee. "Perhaps we'll see each other again."

Cassius smirked slightly, shaking his head at the bread weapons bit. “Yeah, I can see it now,” he muttered, leaning back against the booth. “Two legends of the wasteland, feared for our ability to knock a man out cold with a fuckin’ loaf of homemade cement.” His dark eyes flicked over Xander, smirk widening just a fraction. “Real shame the world ain’t ended yet. Coulda been our big break.”

At the mention of The Inferno, Cass tilted his head slightly, filing that away. “That so?” he mused. “Guess that means you’re more than just a part-time baker of disaster bread.” His smirk twitched. “Maybe I’ll stop by sometime, see if your clients got real taste or if they’re just too polite to tell you otherwise.” He let that settle before adding, “Fair warnin’ though—I don’t sugarcoat shit.”

As Xander polished off the last bites of pie, Cass exhaled slowly at the question about his time in the Navy. “Was my choice,” he said simply. “Parents had nothin’ to do with it. Didn’t wanna stick around Virginia, didn’t have money for school, so I figured I’d do somethin’ that’d take me somewhere else.” He shrugged, rolling his shoulders lazily. “It was what it was. Taught me a lot. Made me who I am.”

The thought of powdered eggs made him huff a quiet laugh, shaking his head. “Yeah, let’s hope it don’t come to that. Though if the world does end, I’d rather go out fightin’ than eatin’ that shit ever again.”

His dark gaze flicked up as Xander admitted it wasn’t often he felt comfortable talking to strangers. Cass smirked slightly, exhaling through his nose. “Guess that makes two of us,” he muttered, lifting his coffee to take another sip.

The criming comment made him shake his head, smirk widening. “Yeah, bad weather for crime,” he said dryly. “Guess you’ll just have to stick to bein’ a law-abiding citizen for the night.” He tapped a finger once against the side of his mug. He caught the next part—For what it’s worth, you can put me under the list of those who do not hate your guts. Cass huffed a quiet laugh, shaking his head. “That’s a real small list,” he muttered. “Good to know you’re on it.”

As Xander talked about his time livin’ out of a van, Cass listened, dark eyes sharp, thoughtful. “Ain’t a bad way to live for a while,” he admitted. “Movin’ when you want, no one expectin’ shit from you. Lotta people dream about that, but not many actually do it.” His gaze lingered on Xander for a moment, like he was seeing something most people wouldn’t.

At the question of what kept him around, Cass exhaled, rolling his shoulders slightly. “Came here after the Navy. Figured I’d stay a little while, get my law degree, move on.” His smirk twitched. “That was thirteen years ago.” He leaned back, stretching his arm along the back of the booth. “Guess the place grew on me. Or maybe I just got used to it.”

His dark eyes flicked back to Xander, unreadable but steady. “Question is, you stayin’ for good? Or you just waitin’ to get restless again?”

[indigo-creates-chaos]

And with that, the final fable smp season comes to an end. Goodnight. /ref

So. The finale. The last ever stream. It's been a long journey, multiple years in the making, and I've finally seen it.

Cutting this bc it's unnecessarily long-

The ending in general:

Shit. I'm watching Raes POV first, at regular speed for once. I haven't even gotten through the Raecap without tearing up, thisll be fun-

Ohhhh the battle music! They're almost at the portal lol thisll be fun- okay you know I thought getting through the portal would be more difficult tbh lol

Athena no! No!!

Okay good...

Fable, sir, do you really think they'd give you their power after everything you've done?

Dude this cutscene is so cool! Also hey Violet, thanks for helping ^^

Guys I love these monologues so much they're so fun and great and I love them ^^ also the acting of everyone during them is so good-

Yooo icarus good job! Me me when they finally see reason bc of what Fable said about Violet-

Yippee, our brothers, they're better now!

Hmmmm I wonder where the powers possibly could've gone!

Guys they're all happy and safe! I'm so glad that this went well.

Dude I love Addie so much-

This whole thing was such a good mix of funny and tense-

Well now I'm sobbing again. This is the end... it's been such a long time coming and I still wasn't ready. But you know, it's fitting that the finale is the stream that makes me cry. Time to watch all the different endings and cry about those too-

Raes endidng:

Oh no, our brothers, they're broken again (but on good terms this time)

Wolfs ending:

Guys he gets to be a dad and he has his mom back, Veah is so cute, they're all so happy! I'm so happy to see him be happy and safe and surrounded by the ones he loves. Also, Rae being the Vessel of Wonders makes so much sense, it's such a fitting title. And all the art is stunning! That whole sequence was just chefs kiss.

Awww those talks between him and Ven and between him and Violet were so sweet! I love them so much-

Jamies/Bruins ending:

Him being the God of Rebirth also fits well. And I'm glad that they managed to figure out the portal situation! I'm glad that he gets to be with his loved ones and grow old with them. Also, Malitae in the overworld! Yippee! They must've been soo excited. Also, all the art is gorgeous ^^ Guys I love them so much.

Caspians ending:

Guys he's happy! They're all happy! And he got to propose and marry his boyfriends and rebuild the records, I love that for him!! Also, he got to see momboo again ^^ and he learned to make paper which is so cool ^^

Dude those creature designs??? They're awesome! I love them ^^

Also, I didn't actually expect Momboo to be back so that was a nice surprise ^^ and the bit of Easton acquiring more and more degrees will never stop being funny to me. Also, good for Arisanna and Momboo ^^ I'm glad that they're all happy.

Athenas ending:

Guys they actually got crowned, I cant, that's so cool! And there's so many new gods now ^^ me when she finally met their mom, can finally be happy with his new family and doesn't have to worry about things going wrong. Also, that coronation fit is so pretty! I love them so much-

Ocies ending:

I'm so glad that she got to reunite with dead partners. I'm also glad that she gets to live with her family and talk to Momboo and build and just do stuff she enjoys. Guys I love them all so much, Calypso is adorable and Oscar is too.

Ulysses ending:

Yeah that fits. Him ending up as a story teller and growing out with a giant family by his side is the best outcome he could've possibly gotten. I'm glad that he got to be happy and be around so many people that love him so much. I'm glad that he got to travel the world, find other telchins and that he got to reunite with his partner in the end.

Vens ending:

How did they get into the worldport? Sorry lol I don't have a lot of thoughts about this one, mainly just confusion.

Arisannas ending:

She gets to not worry about losing the allays, this is a win ^^ also me me when she's a teacher and the one working on the records and when her and momboo exist-

And finally... Icarus whole POV:

Fable going "were just gonna get their powers, nobody needs to die (:" will never not be funny to me bc nobody believes him. Also, you really think they'd forgive you after everything you've done Fable?

Sorry you said "the people are assaulting the portal" and still expect us to take you seriously? Fable please lol

Okay rewatching the monologues section in Purgatory just highlights the incredible acting from everyone again. Its so cool to see so much emotion portrayed through the medium of minecraft roleplay.

Hmmm watching that whole group hug thing from icarus POV is so interesting bc they clearly aren't doing well but everyone else is just glad that they did it and they're all safe-

Everyone else: happy, bantering, thinking about the future

Icarus: lights go brrr, in pain, realising that they're running out of time

Oh no, our brothers, they're broken-

Noooo not icarus actually jumping??? Great I'm crying again lol I didn't expect to do that anymore today bc I've cried about this so much already-

Guys I love Midas they were just trying to protect Icarus

I didn't expect that ending. I mean I knew that they'd become quixis bc spoilers but I didn't know nearly enough about the quixis lore to predict that. I didn't expect to see the other versions without the bleeding eye. I didn't expect every world to get changed/fixed. Guys I'm sobbing...

So that's it huh? That's the end of Fable smp. It's over, just like that... I'm gonna miss it. I'll miss Raes obsession with coffee, Icarus birds, Fenris businesses, the whack changing random things, Malitae being Malitae... just everyones shenanigans. I didn't expect to cry about this as much as I have... I think I've seen every ending now but I'm not sure. I spent most of today just watching all the endings in regular speed, I'm not okay lol, my thoughts definitely aren't cohesive rn. I'm glad they're all happy though! I'm just sobbing bc it's over and they're happy and I'm happy that they're happy but I'm also sad bc this is the end.

I'll make another post tomorrow once my thoughts are more coherent. For now, thank you for reading this unnecessarily long and rambly post. I hope you're all doing well after this and a good [timezone] for all of you!

[corner-collects-rocks]

happy new year to neil josten who didnt sign it. he gave me a contract but i didnt sign it. he couldnt make me. this doesnt mean anything. im still a fox.

[lucabyte]

i feel like people are sleeping on the occam's razor situation of how buckwild it is to outright accuse a guy of being a clone of your friend even if you DO have a lot of circumstantial evidence. there's other options is what im saying. they could just be like. a guy. that's a sensible deduction. you should explore that deduction. ignore my shirt that reads I <3 RED HERRINGS.

i still think odile has the correct theory on lock but she's smart enough to know it needs like... a real smoking gun to be able to bring it up without sounding insane.

anyway. (mirabelle voice) i know its rude to speculate but has anyone else noticed the grieving? they seem to be grieving. does anyone have any thoughts on the grieving? i have some thoughts on the grieving.

[fullsunalicia]

gif made by @dojaejung ! all credits to @dojaejung !

roses (m.) | jeong jaehyun

“it’s killing me to know there’s someone else out there buying you / roses, roses” OR where jung jaehyun is pathetic enough to be yearning after his beautiful ex-girlfriend, whom he reconnects with after awkwardly crashing her date with a new potential lover.

jeong jaehyun x ex-girlfriend! reader

warnings: some allusions to stalking and online harassment, some make-outage, oral (fem. receiving), some exhibitionism ig?????, some cussing, jaehyun is EXTREMELY down bad (he who yearns is he who earns amirite yall), svt as side characters for my caratzen agenda, also i’m still an awkward writer (in my opinion) so that warrants its own warning

This is why Jaehyun despises leaving his apartment.

For the first time in weeks, Doyoung and Taeyong, in their combined nerdy best friends power, have managed to make him go outside again. Although it’s the middle of the winter, each day inching closer to Christmas day, the bustling city is filled with people enjoying themselves despite the sub-zero temperatures. It makes him sick, really. Not people in general, for sure, but the sight of couples swarming about, their happy faces making sure every single person’s envious gaze is following them until they disappear around the corner.

Winter is sickening. Winter makes people too cozy, too cuddly, too loving. When spring comes, that love melts away, fleeting as it was. It dims out like the warm fire you stoke in the evening as you gather with your loved ones, in the morning long gone and forgotten with the loss of the guests. Jaehyun hates it. His friends knows he hates it.

So did you.

As Doyoung and Taeyong keep him in their middle, holding on to his arm on each sides as if they were old aunts bickering away, he reminisces about your shared hatred of the cold. You had hated snow, most of all, he remembers as he watches the thick, cold flakes swirl around in the air. It leaves a mist on the people passing by him, painting them in the lovely shades of the cold. Rosy cheeks, white smiling teeth, blue fingertips. If he closes his eyes, he can almost imagine it’s you clinging to him again, complaining loudly about the weather, scared of falling to the ground. You had always been incredibly clumsy, and unashamedly loud. Every passerby could not help but smile at your antics, but none smiled wider than the man you had wrapped around your littlest finger; Jaehyun, who had always stared at you instead of ahead. Jaehyun, who in the end always made you guys fall because he wasn’t concentrating on walking, he was concentrating on you.

You, the single star in his solar system he was orbitting around. He had felt himself collapsing, folding around you, as if he could ingrain himself in your existence in the very same manner you had immortalized yourself in his soul. How pathetic you had left him.

“Hey, earth to Jae! You’re not seriously upset we made you leave the house, right?” Taeyong’s hand forces itself into Jaehyun’s periphery as he waves it infront of Jaehyun’s face, trying to gain the man’s attention. Every finger was perfectly manicured, the tell-tale rings that signified Taeyong snapping Jaehyun out of his daydreams. Mentioned friend looks worried, but not regretful. “We were beginning to think you had fallen asleep in there, like some bear. You shouldn’t hibernate.”

“But bears got it so right. It’s so much better to sleep the winter away.” Jaehyun sounds exhausted, almost childish. He knew he was a grown man, not a teenager mooning over his first love. But it certainly felt like he had become the former. That was your effect.

“Dude.” Doyoung grasps his shoulder then, boring his gaze into Jaehyun’s face. He had been dreading that, actually; it’s hard to act like a complaining child when Doyoung makes you face yourself just like that. Almost unconsciously, Jaehyun straightens up. It’s almost like facing your mother, and he’s trying to avoid Doyoung’s fussing. “It’s been almost a year. I hate to be the one to be saying this, but you have to let it go at some point, man.”

You have to let it go at some point. Doyoung’s right, of course, but Jaehyun hasn’t yet reached that point of being reasonable. It’s not like the five stages of grief. Jaehyun is in the awkward process of trying to understand what has actually happened to him; why your relationship came to an end, why you were so kind to him despite it all, how you had finally cut him off. No one really knows why you did it, least of all Jaehyun. As you had broke it off with him after dropping him off at the airport before he flew to the first stop of his current world tour, there wasn’t exactly time to ask questions.

You had given him a letter and apologized (seriously, so not cool to explain in a letter just so you didn’t need to face him), and just as soon as the flight touched down at his destination and his phone had regained connection to his cellular data, you had changed your number, deleted your socials and disappeared from his life.

(Not like he immediately found you again when you re-debuted on social media. Johnny, as a true best friend, has forced him to limit looking at your instagram account to once a week, but how will Johnny know if he does it more? No one needs to know. Jaehyun would lose face if even anyone knew how much he misses you.)

Jaehyun lowers his eyes then, unable to keep looking at Doyoung. “Let go. Yeah.”

Doyoung and Taeyong exchange a worried gaze at that, before nudging him to a new direction. Their footsteps leave soft white traces, disappearing as quickly as they are made as fresh snow falls. “I got just the thing to cheer you up,” Taeyong quips then, and when he smiles at Jaehyun in an attempt to comfort him, Jaehyun finds the strength to smile back. Those are his friends, after all. If he weren’t so detached from his emotions, he’d find himself moved by their sincerity; his silly friends that loved and cared for him despite his habits and his weird coping methods. They didn’t judge when he sent them new song lyrics he had written in the middle of the night because the memory of you is still haunting him, scaring him off sleep because the comfort he gains from dreaming of you is as addicting as chasing liquor. They had let him ruminate in his apartment for as long as possible. It was time to face the world properly now. “Hot cocoa and waffles?”

Jaehyun snorted. “Like children?”

“Like children,” Taeyoung announces, his voice too earnest for the statement. Doyoung laughs, and then it’s difficult to not join in. Taeyong grins, happy to have drawn that reaction out of them. For the moment, Jaehyun feels normal again, and he offers to buy the waffles as Doyoung and Taeyong line up to buy the hot cocoa.

That’s the same moment where Jaehyun immediately regrets having left the house.

The sight of you physically knocks the breath of his lungs. For just a second, just seeing your face erases the feeling of all the pain that had been wrenching at his heartstrings, your beauty so all-encompassing it stuns him into silence. The cold season has kissed your face in the most pretty way - as you throw your head back in laughter, your (incredibly tempting) lips curve into his favorite smile of yours, the smile that has to be stolen out of you, so surprised by something that you laugh involuntarily. Honest. And earnest.

And beautiful.

It’s almost beautiful enough to make him not acknowledge the other man that you are gifting it to.

Jaehyun forces himself not to look, the effort incredible. He does not want to see who you have replaced him with, he really doesn’t, truly not, but then the dizzy envy makes him look so that he can bombard the man with death threats in his mind. Not that it matters. He could have been anyone, anyone at all. What did it matter if that was someone he knew or someone unknown, when the most damning thing about the situation was that it wasn’t him?

When he looks back at you to keep analyzing whether you like this man a lot, Jaehyun has come to the startled realization that you have noticed him, aswell. Your face has dropped, the shock painted over your face like an ill-fitting mask. “Jaehyun?” you say, the sweet voice carried over to him in the wind, and his knees almost buckle. (Jesus Christ, he’s a grown man.) Your partner notices, looking up to see whom you’re addressing, and Jaehyun’s nonchalant reaction to the irrelevance of the man’s identity disappears instantaneously.

Fuck you, he thinks hard at the dude, as if the sheer mental strength of his thoughts could reach him, for actually looking gorgeous. Fucking hell.

“Jeong Jaehyun?” You call again, robbing him off the opportunity to maybe pretend he hadn’t heard you. He forces himself to move forward.

“You know each other?” the guy asks then, and Jaehyun thinks to himself, No, idiot, I am the stalker that’s been breaking into her apartment and leaving her letters. But then he remembers how Johnny has admonished him for doing the social media equivalent and how often he visits your socials just for a glance at you, and the thought almost immediately sobers him up. “Jeong Jaehyun,” he introduces himself then, reaching out his hand to shake the other man’s, even though he’d rather bite it off. “We were…”

“Acquaintances,” you interrupt him almost immediately. The smile you sport now is nervous, to the untrained eye flawless. But Jaehyun knows every inch of your soul, and the look in your eyes pleads him not to acknowledge it. “Jaehyun used to be really close to my brother. You’ve met my brother, right?”

“Oh, Seokmin, right?” The stranger’s eye glint in recognition. “That means you must be cool, man. Anyone who’s in Seokmin’s good cards is good in mine. My name’s Junseo.”

“Nice to meet you, Junseo,” he makes himself speak, although the words taste like coal in his mouth, turning ashy as he pronounces them. He’s never been a good liar, always careful about choosing his words, but then, he’s never been in the situation where had to meet the lover that was going to replace him in your heart. He turns to you, your lovely face ripping into him. You stare back as if you are aware of the effort it takes him to remain friendly. You don’t look like you enjoy inflicting this havoc upon him, but ever since that day, he doesn’t truly know what you are capable of. “It was nice to see you,” he tells you, turning away as soon as the words leave his lips.

He never hears your “Jae”, the sound ripped out of you like an old instinct.

jaehyun

could you maybe at least warn me that your sister is back in town

dk 😁

yo

i didnt even know she was

can you let her know to bring milk to mom’s house we ran out this morning

jaehyun

. . .

no dk i cannot i almost collapsed when i saw her

can you say hello to your mom tho

Jaehyun drops the phone on the couch, the interaction having soured his mood just as much as the meeting with you. Seokmin was cool, and a really good friend, although a bit clueless. He had been firm in his support for Jaehyun, not picking sides, but not abandoning their friendship either, and had been one of the friends who had dragged him out for dinner once a week ever since the break-up to make sure Jaehyun was actually eating. Jaehyun doesn’t even think this happened to your dismay. You were way too nice, and even your fucking break-up letter had been kind, even though it hadn’t been enough to wipe the blank look in his eyes as he had read it.

“Okay, so that may have went worse than we thought,” Taeyong proclaims, the hot cocoa still steaming in his hand. Even though they had technically paid for the cup as a loan, taking it back home felt like stealing. Jaehyun couldn’t find it in himself to care. He was staring at the ceiling, looking at no one. “But hey, at least we found out who the mystery guy on her instagram was!”

Johnny, who had let himself into the apartment while they were gone, perked up at that. Very aware of your instagram due to Jaehyun’s influence, he knew that there had been an odd silhouette in your instagram story the past few weeks, almost a soft-launch and almost not. There had been theories whether the mystery guy had been a new lover. Jaehyun had almost thrown up when Mark had suggested the idea. “You did? She was with a man?”

“Yeah, Junseo what’s-his-name. Didn’t give a last name, though.” Doyoung sounds concentrated, probably too focussed on not breaking Jaehyun’s new coffee machine. “Jaehyun, coffee?”

“No,” Jaehyun deadpans. “I want death.”

The entire room groans at that. “Fresh out of death, dude,” Johnny tells him, bowing over the couch to throw a blanket over where Jaehyun was laying and Mark had fallen asleep. Johnny was his best friend in the entire world, and very used to Jaehyun’s antics. Throughout it all(the acclimatization to the celebrity life, the growing into a fully formed and actualized person in the public eye, the stabbing ache of heartbreak), Johnny had become a brother to him. It was Johnny’s hand pulling him along through life, his ears that were entrusted with every joy and worry in Jaehyun’s mind, his kindness that kept Jaehyun standing sometimes. “It’s coffee or nothing,” he continues after ensuring both men on the couch were covered with the blanket. And then, as he turns back to Doyoung: “Make him some coffee. He hasn’t touched his cocoa.”

The quiet bickering of his friends fade away then, forcing him to come to terms with what has happened. Seeing your face again felt like being struck down by God, to put it in blasphemous terms. You had always been the most beautiful person to him, including both his preference that came from loving you and his attraction to people in general. Jaehyun hadn’t been the kind of man to have an exact type before meeting you, but now he looks for you in every smile, every fluttering lash, in every face he meets. Looking for the traces of where your ancestors had painted their magic, the overarching connection between several generations, the hand reaching across time. Whoever crafted you had taken his time to ensure every single detail, and the love that had flowed into the shaping of you glinted across every feature. Having been starved of seeing you, this interaction had thrown him into cold water face first. Even the memory stung.

You hadn’t looked bothered to see him. If anything, you had been as sweet as always, even though you hadn’t expected to see him. He had thought being gone from your side had hurt, but seeing that Junseo was making him sick to the stomach. It was his job to make you laugh like that. It was his duty to ensure your happiness. To think of that fool doing it in his stead made him spark up with a fury that he had long forgotten, the feeling so unfamiliar it made him reach inside those spaces inside himself that he had abandoned for so long. During the separation every emotion had come to him so dull and muted - happiness, sadness, surprise, anger. But as if they had never left him, Jaehyun recognized that he was jealous.

Awfully jealous.

So that was the next step of Jaehyun’s alternative five stages of grief process. Instead of coming to terms with the ephemeral nature of his relationship with you, he’s pining over the one woman he cannot have. He raises his hands to cover his face, his fingers shaking - it’s crazy, how you unravel him. It’s been eight months and Jaehyun is still willing to go on his knees to beg just to make sure you stop seeing anyone else.

(At that point, he was very unaware of how near in the future that was going to happen.)

“Hey, dude.” Jaehyun is snapped out of his thoughts by the raspy voice of one Mark Lee. He lowers his hands to see Mark peaking his head out of the blanket, hair completely ruined from tossing and turning in his sleep, looking just like the lion that his friends affectionately nickname him as. Their friends are still bickering in the kitchen, arguing about how to handle the coffee machine properly, with Doyoung’s voice cutting through the others. “You alright over there?”

Jaehyun clears his voice. He suddenly feels glad that Mark doesn’t know yet that he’s seen you, as he doesn’t want to burden Mark with his worries. He’s only a little younger, but he’s the closest thing to a younger sibling Jaehyun has, and he treasures him to the point where he often wants to shield him from the shit that Jaehyun has going on. “Yeah, all good. Why did you wake up? Not sleepy anymore?”

“Your phone has been going off like crazy.” Mark points at the aforementioned phone before yawning. As Jaehyun reaches for the device, he sits up and looks into the kitchen from the vantage point he has of the kitchen. The screen lights up after a few quick taps, and Mark asks: “Something important? Sounds like someone’s spamming you.”

dk 😁

not to be the bearer of bad news but mom wants to have you over for dinner on saturday

😭 maybe i shouldnt have delivered your greetings bro

i think my sister has a date on that evening tho so maybe nothing will happen?????

i mean you can say no but you know damn well my mom loves you (because you kiss up to her) so

yeah

i get if you dont want to

Jaehyun blinks. Several times. Then, he drops his face into his hands again, sighing so loudly that even Mark seems astonished.

It seems like you’re not gonna leave his mind anytime soon.

The first time Jaehyun had met you, you had still been a junior in college.

He’s always known you existed, of course - the pretty-faced little sister that was off-limits to anyone, who had the most embarrassing haircut when she was still in middle school, who liked to receive flowers for her birthday instead of gifts. Seokmin doesn’t talk about you often, but when he does, there’s a gentle smile etched on his face that seems like the most jarring contrast to the way he bickers and fights with you in person. Jaehyun couldn’t conjure an image of you, but when he thought of your name, it filled Jaehyun’s mind with a sweet dream. He had been missing you in his heart before he had even met you, the soft tug of a red string around his littlest finger.

The request had been hastily asked and innocent in nature. Pick up my sister, please? An unusual request, as Seokmin never introduced his sister to anyone for your own privacy, but it didn’t bother Jaehyun to do it, especially since DK was a very good friend. You had been incredibly drunk, and uncomfortable at a party, and called for the person you trust most in the world. DK on the other hand, drunk out of his own mind at an entirely different party in his own dorm shared with his bandmates, had called a friend he knew he could entrust with the safety of his littlest sister.

Completely hammered and wobbling on your entirely too high heels, you had gladly clung to Jaehyun’s arm after realizing he had been the savior your brother had sent you. Your introduction came out loud and clear, and you had enunciated every syllable to make sure he heard it. When he correctly repeated the name back to you to ensure he remembered it, a dazzling smile had split across your lips in the cutest way possible. It had made his heart jump in a deliciously agonizing way.

“Can you walk?” he had asked you then, pointing down at your monstrous heels. He had truth be told been incredibly impressed with the way you had managed to leave the front porch of the party house, even though every step enunciated that you were incredibly intoxicated. You had waved off his worry and beamed at him with the innocent happiness only a drunk person could exude, completely free from all wordly burdens. “Don’t worry!” you told him, your voice as melodious as it was pleasing. “I’ve walked in worse heels! And I’m not even that drunk!”

Jaehyun had no intention of questioning you, but the exclamation did make him laugh. He had been awkward about the interaction the entire time he had driven here. Would you be able to even feel comfortable with him? What if you guys didn’t speak about anything? But your behavior had loosened up the tension inside his chest, and he found himself relaxing under your hold, gently guiding you back to his car. Your grip was tight, but not painful, and you had hooked your arm around his to keep close to him in a way that wasn’t entirely unwelcome to him. He had not expected to warm up to you so quickly. “So you’re able to hold your liquor? You must not actually be related to DK then. The guy can’t hold his liquor for shit.”

The joke tugged a surprised laugh out of you. It was a nice sound, the genuineness of it making a smile form around Jaehyun’s lips. So open, so friendly, so extroverted - so incredibly different from him, and yet a simple laugh from you made Jaehyun entranced with the existence of you. He wanted to relish the sound, making him wrap his fingers around the keys in his pockets to ensure they wouldn’t rattle when he pulled them out. “I’m sure he’s got that from mom,” you had explained to him while snickering, momentarily letting go from him as he opened the door for you. After clambering in and pulling the door shut, he had walked around the car to climb in himself. The door clicked shut. “I’m my father’s daughter through and through. We used to place bets at New Year’s parties with the family how much time it would take for mom to crash out after a single bottle of champagne.”

“And?” he asks. The engine of the car sprung to life with a simple press of a button, idling quietly while Jaehyun had put on his seatbelt. “Did you win the bet?”

Your expression in the rearview mirror was smug when Jaehyun checked his surroundings in it, pulling out of the parking space he had found near the house the party was in. “I was fifty bucks richer about half an hour later.”

Jaehyun couldn’t help but laugh - at your behavior, your teasing little remarks, the way you hiccuped before laughing because you were a little liar that couldn’t hold their liquor. By the time he had reached DK’s apartment building, where you had requested to be dropped off because you wanted to sleep over at your brother’s, your drunkenness had made you drowsy. Without even thinking about it, you had climbed over the console to envelop Jaehyun in a hug, shocking him to the core. Your floral perfume had been dizzying, but the near proximity of you had almost made him drunk himself. Jaehyun was an idol under the strict gaze of both his employer and his supporters. His resulting touch-starvation had made him grasp your soft waist with both hands, and he closed his eyes to soak in the warmth of your touch. It was startingly intimate. “Thank you for bringing me home,” you had murmured against his shoulder, momentarily resting your head on it, as if it belonged there - as if you had been made to be held by him. You lined up perfectly, like puzzle pieces, and for a moment, Jaehyun had felt complete in a way that made him question himself was my heart always hollow of you?

When you pulled back with your bright smile and your hazy eyes, a pink blush had dusted across Jaehyun’s cheeks that he prayed you hadn’t noticed. “You’re super duper nice,” you proclaimed then, not fully retracting from where you were leaning on his body. Not pushing his hands away, either. “And it’s way more fun to ride in your car than in Jeonghan’s. You drive like a responsible adult.”

“Are you saying Jeonghan doesn’t drive like a responsible adult?”

“I’m not sure he knows what that is.” Giggling, you untangled yourself from him, startling Jaehyun with the immediate ache for you. Get a grip, he thought to himself. Acting like a teenage virgin. “And I should know!” you enunciated. “The idiot tried teaching me how to drive. If DK hadn’t put an end to that, I would have never gotten my driver’s license.”

Jaehyun, still reeling from the affection you had graced him with, smiled shyly at that. “Well, I’m glad to have brought you home safe, like the responsible adult I am. Can you make it up on your own?”

You “mhm”ed loudly, noisily maneuvring yourself out of the car. Jaehyun winced quietly when the heels of your shoes clacked against the pavement harshly, almost sure one had broken. But you had straightened up with a grin, waving stupidly, shouting loud “thank-you”s and “get home safe!”s as he watched you walk into the apartment complex, running into your drunk brother and almost-brothers (as his bandmates liked to title themselves as, loving you like you were one of their own).

He had sat and waited for a long time for his erratic heart to slow down again. You were a miracle he hadn’t been waiting for, like a sudden blessing after a fervent prayer. He went to sleep thinking of your name, finally being able to connect it with a face, the yearning following him into his dreams.

It was that same yearning that woke him up in the middle of the night now, reaching for the empty bedside, remembering where you were.

Remembering that you weren’t reaching for him anymore, no matter how much you had loved him.

Jaehyun cleans up nicely, when he wants to. When he checks his reflection in the camera app one last time before ringing the door, he almost doesn’t recognize himself. Johnny’s girlfriend had helped him put on a little bit of make-up to cover the black shadows under his eyes and wished him luck, although he wasn’t sure what he needed the luck for. To see you? Not to see you? The question had been eating away at him on the way here, making his hands sweat to the point that the driver’s wheel had looked kind of disgusting afterwards. He can’t shake the cold fear that accompanies the thought of you these days. The desire to be in your presence was a knife turning in his guts, so sharp that even the pain seemed more welcome than another day without you. As he closes his eyes, he imagines you opening the door, welcoming him home, kissing all the exhaustion away. But when the door opens up after knocking at it, the sweet face of your mother receives him.

Not that the sight isn’t welcome. Jaehyun sees his mother often enough to not have to miss her, but the need for a motherly presence never truly leaves you, no matter how old you are. There is a part of him that will always be a child, reaching for his parents’ hands, knowing he will be safe there. Your mother fills that space often when his own cannot. “Jaehyunnie! I’m glad you made it, sweetling,” your mother gushes, hurrying to clasp his hands. The sight of her red, marred hands makes his heart hurt - has she been overworking herself? - but the pain is soon replaced with a gentle warmth spreading inside his chest at her motherly clucking. “Hurry inside, we made your favorite! You still like spicy pork, right?”

“Yes, ma’am.” He removes his shoes before stepping inside, feeling nostalgic. The first time he had met your parents, the house had been newly bought and hardly acquired, with your parents having haggled for an appropriate price for months. Over the years, the building had been renovated, filled with furniture, and changed as more and more memories had been made in this place. To see it now standing proudly and lived in made him happy, but also sad, as he wasn’t fully part of that experience anymore.

“Don’t be silly, boy! You know you call me mom here!”

“Yes, mom.”

“Mom,” rings out the complaining voice of Seokmin then. He’s standing at the foot of the stairs. His voice had been petulant, but there’s a very big grin on his face as Jaehyun approaches him in greeting, and they hug each other without hesitation. DK had seen him go through enough shit to not have to shy back from physical affection. “Don’t nag with Jaehyun before he’s properly inside. How’s it going, J? I heard your new album, it was awesome!”

Your mother nods enthusiastically. “You are hard-working as always, Jaehyunnie! The songs sound beautiful!”

Jaehyun laughs, bashful. He feels awkward and happy at once, to be complimented upon for his talents while simultaneously knowing that most of those songs had been written with you in mind. “Thank you for saying that,” he answers.

“It’s only right,” your mother tuts then. As she turns to walk back in the kitchen, she opens her mouth to say something again, but there’s another knock at the door, startling them all. The three exchange glances, both Seokmin and your mother seeming surprised by the noise. “Are you expecting someone, Seokminnie?” When DK shakes his head no in answer, she walks back to the door, humming to herself in confusion. “Maybe your father? But he’s not supposed to get off work until 8.”

Before your mother even opens the door, the dread of who could possibly be standing in front of that door tells Jaehyun what to expect. And as he turns over that assumption in that mind, the door opens to reveal you, clad in a red dress that hugs your curves and exposes your mid-thigh. “Oh, sweetie!” your mother exclaims. “But what are you doing here? Aren’t you going to dinner with that Junseo-ssi?”

You don’t answer, your eyes locked onto him. He recognizes the sight of slight panic and confusion in your eyes - apparently, DK hadn’t told you that you were visiting in the hopes that you wouldn’t see each other anyways. Although barely a second passes, it feels like eternity as you take each other in.

Fuck, you’re as beautiful as the day he lost you. He doesn’t even register that your mother is still chattering away as he drinks in the sight of you, the sinful silhouette and the angel eyes that have been accentuated by a skilled hand and your favorite eyeliner pen. The blood rushes in his veins, filling his ears with the sound of waves crashing, his desire lapping higher and higher until it makes his chest hurt. “Mom,” you manage to say. “He was called into work at the last minute. It’s pretty awkward to be the only one all dolled up here, so may I go up and change please? And not have to make awkward small talk in the salon?”

“Of course, sweetling, just go up! Seokmin will help me with the last preparations for dinner.” Your mother leaves at that, and the three adults remaining are crushed by the awkward tension in the room. Even more awkward for the third wheel in the room is that neither of both you and Jaehyun have looked away from each other ever since you walked in, and DK takes the chance to quietly slip out of the room to join his mother in the kitchen, leaving Jaehyun to his doom.

(Traitor.)

Jaehyun breathes out, struggling to fill his lungs with the air he needs. “You look stunning,” he says, his voice straining to pronounce the words. It’s pathetic how much he wants to press you against that wall and devour you. Even though his inner adult yells at him that he isn’t yours anymore, the thoughts do not stop coming. Truthfully, there can’t be any scientific explanation for how fast his heart races because of you, but it keeps on beating, jumping out of his chest. Falling to your feet.

You finally step out of the doorframe, into the house itself. The door quietly falls into the lock. You reach down to unclasp your high heels, the movement mechanic. You seem as dazed as he is. He entertains the possibility whether he has the same effect on you as you do on him, but he casts the thought aside immediately. You had left him, after all. “Thank you,” you answer, your voice meek. As if you were to strangers. “Are you … doing well?”

I hope that despite the way I’m ending things, you will be well. I pray that you are healthy, that you are eating enough, that you flourish in your career as you deserve to be. You are outstanding, Jeong Jaehyun, a flaming star lighting up the sky. I pray that you find it in yourself to forgive me.

“Well?” he echoes, as if that word was a joke. And then, almost in disbelief, he asks back, “Are you?”

You lower your gaze then. “I finish my master’s degree this year, so I’m a little stressed. But aside from that, I am fine, thank you for asking.” You straighten up, intending to walk past him. But Jaehyun, as if possessed, grabs your wrist; the touch makes both of you shudder, and you look up to see the absolute yearning in his eyes staring back at you. He doesn’t really know what made him do it, and he seems as shocked as you are; he had been thinking more quickly than he had been moving, and his muscles spasmed from the lack of communication between his nerves and his brain.

It’s written across his face, it must be. The intense wish to bow his head and lean against you, cage you against the railing of the stairs. To make you reach inside his soul and connect the broken pieces there that were the remaining shards of his heart. Jaehyun doesn’t want anyone else in the world to see inside him like that. He wants you, he wants to be your boyfriend. Despite it all. The good and the bad, the beautiful and the ugly. Are you well? Jaehyun’s hand slips lower, interlocking your fingers, the physical connection there setting fire to the skin. I pray that you are. “Take care of yourself,” he tells you instead of all the words that have been left unsaid ever since you abandoned him, all the tears that he has shed. He wants to tell you how his pride for your success makes him fly higher than any of his own achievements ever would, how soft his heart feels at the fact that you are so close to reaching your goals. How much he wishes to be a part of supporting you towards that. But he doesn’t.

You don’t break free of his hold, but it seems clear that you do not reciprocate the hurricane of emotions he is feeling right now. “You shouldn’t say that,” you tell him, tone polite, but your voice sounds hesitant. He wants to kiss the hesitation out of you, eat your laughter as he tugs at your lower lip. The proximity is driving him crazy. “I mean, I don’t wanna be rude. But I am seeing Junseo. You don’t have to worry about me, Jae. Jaehyun.” You cough awkwardly, as if that can erase the affectionate nickname, as if there isn’t something inside you still calling for him. You step backwards. If hitting the railing is embarrassing to you, you don’t let it show.

He lets go of you and steps back, then silently watches you go up the stairs. Your soft shuffling as you walk back to your room. The decisive shutting of a door.

Silently dreaming of what would happen if you graced him with your attention again.

The dinner itself is uneventful. You make polite conversation, thankfully sitting diagonally away from him, wedged in between your mother and your brother, whom Jaehyun sits across. But he sees the blush never truly leaving your face, and the way you throw glances at him when you think he isn’t paying attention. It makes him delusional enough to imagine that maybe, he wasn’t the only one still thinking about their ex.

Jaehyun glances down at his cleared plate, a half smile curling at his lips. Not truly a real smile. But not truly a lie, either.

@leey/n has started following you on Instagram!

@leey/n has liked a post!

The third time your paths cross, you truly think you are about to go crazy.

This is an art gallery, for crying out loud. You don’t think you’ve ever seen Jaehyun in a museum. Not that he’s uneducated or disinterested, mind you, but Jaehyun was the kind of guy to take you to places where you could etch your own memories across the place. The arcade in Busan where you won your first ever plushie and promptly gifted it to him, for one; the trip to Jeju where you had almost fainted and scared the shit out of Jaehyun; the high-end restaurant in Gangnam where you both can never let your face be seen again after having been thrown out for laughing too loud. You had spoken about the particular art gallery here once, debating about attending an event that was held in that month, but ultimately had the decision taken out of your hands after you unexpectedly had to go the hospital due to your appendix bursting. But here he was, looking like the most ravishing man alive in that stupid suit.

It should be forbidden to look that good. Genuinely. You think your heart stops momentarily when you see him, and then again when your gaze involuntarily drops to the exposed skin of his chest, displaying the vulnerable area due to the v-cut of his suit jacket. Hell. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he was doing this on purpose.

You gather up the train of your dress and hurry over before anyone can recognize either him or you. He looks startled, and then that weird flash of desperation flits across his eyes before he hastily makes himself appear composed. You don’t for the life of you know why exactly his reaction to you is like that, but you suppose the time for complaining was over, since, you know, you broke up with him. You knew it had been a bitch move to write a letter, but you couldn’t exactly tell him the true reason to his face. Hey, I know this sounds stupid, but I’m afraid of ruining your career because netizens keep shit talking our relationship and tainting your reputation, have a nice day though!

No, he’d never understand. This was for the best. He’d been so close to completing his album, so proud of what he had achieved, and the grief of almost taking that away from him made you want to throw up. So you had decided to sacrifice yourself, in an as cowardly manner as possible.

No one would ever know that Jeong Jaehyun made your soul sing in the most exquisite way possible, and that your heart had been filled with so much joy that it almost burst. No one needed to know.

“What are you doing here?” You hiss at him. You turn your head to ensure that no one is actually looking, before tugging him to the side. Almost unconsciously, you take his hand and guide him to a different spot, a quiet corner where only strangers were staring at the art being displayed. Even the music was muted.

“Is this not a public event?” he hisses back, confused by your behavior. But he lets you do as you please, even lowering his head to yours to make sure no one hears. His fingers gently tangle with yours, swiping across your knuckles as he always does - did. It’s like your love runs deeper than human behavior, deeply embedded in your body’s instincts. You see it in the way the caution you display reflects back in his eyes, as if your secrets are still holier to him than his own. Even though he has no idea why you’re being so ominous. It’s one of the qualities you love most about Jaehyun; he never once tries to tell you what to do, always acquiescing your needs, letting you take the lead when necessary. It makes a traitorous happiness bloom inside your chest that he is still the kind of person who would always have your back. “Why exactly wouldn’t I be here? If it’s because you didn’t want to see my face, don’t tell me that. I don’t think I could handle it.”

“Jeong Jaehyun,” you groan, exasperated as you are. You hastily scan the area, always dreading that Junseo is about to turn the corner to catch you both. It had already been a surprise that evening had been made possible, since Junseo was a workaholic. Your friends joked around that he loves his residency at Seoul General Hospital first, and you second. You did not want to squander this opportunity of growing closer to him, a whim based on the fact that he was a pretty face and you desperately needed to move on. You weren’t serious, and you could count the amount of dates you had been on on one hand, but it worked its magic enough. Jaehyun only needed to believe that you were moving on. And Junseo only needed to believe Jaehyun was unimportant. Not like it’s forbidden to speak with an “acquaintance”, even if he did see you both here - but Jeong Jaehyun wasn’t an acquaintance, he was your ex-boyfriend for crying out loud, and if it weren’t for the necessary masquerade to appear as if you were moving on, you wouldn’t even be entertaining Junseo’s presence, no matter how charming he was. It was a stupid plan, concocted by an even more stupid Jeonghan. “Who would’t want to see your face? That’s not what I mean.”

The compliment slips out before you can hold it back. It’s so easy, so habitual to make it, to admire Jeong Jaehyun’s existence. You had never even met a man like him. He was sin made flesh, with his well-formed, strong body, the gorgeous face, the sun-kissed hair that switched colors from comeback to comeback. Jaehyun looks surprised to hear it. The dimples in his cheeks signal the smile that stretches across his lips, sweet and genuine and startled. It makes you sad, that he doesn’t expect those compliments; he is the kindest, sincerest, most attentive man you know.

(And if you were still in a relationship, you would have torn the clothes off of him and jumped him for looking that good in a suit. Not want to see his face my ass - you could stare at Jeong Jaehyun all day.)

“I thought we weren’t supposed to say stuff like that,” he says back, his voice low. It sounds deliciously rough, the way it sometimes sounded when you woke him from his sleep to kiss him, the sleepy yawns turning into soft moans when you rode him, his hands mapping out the space of your skin. You shake your head, as if you can shake off the memory. Your adoration for him went bone-deep. “Whatever,” you say hastily, as if that can erase the obvious pining you are displaying. “I mean, I don’t want Junseo to see us. I know you don’t like to lie, and I’m sorry for introducing you as an acquaintance, but I’d like it to remain that way. For him to believe there was nothing between us, I mean.”

“And is there?” Jaehyun’s voice sounds steady. It kills you to see the hope in his eyes, even now, even after you’ve hurt him after flaunting a new relationship. You remember his beautiful face on that day at the Christmas market, where the agony in his eyes had almost made you weep. You never ever wanted to be responsible for Jaehyun’s grief, not even now. “Nothing between us?”

You falter then, forgetting what you want to say. You can’t tell him the truth, you cannot - the truth being that when you look into Jaehyun’s eyes, your knees go weak and your hands yearn to claw at him and your kisses want to devour him whole, bones and all. You want to crawl inside him and live there forever, like the insane lover you are. You want to kiss him until you forget your own name, until the mornings become routine where you wake up next to him, where the sight of his beautiful face becomes the first thing you see after waking up for the rest of your life. The wish is so fervent it catches you off-guard, and it weakens your resolve. “There’s nothing, Jaehyun,” you say. Even you can hear the uncertainty. The atmosphere is so tense that you didn’t even notice the room has cleared out; the area is curtained off, a special exhibition inside the actual exhibition, for a yet-to-be-discovered artist who gained the space to present their art through chance. The few people who had mingled here had quietly left, identifying the situation as a lover’s spat. Anyone could walk in. Anyone. The realization makes your heart skip a beat. “You understand that, don’t you?”

Your words make sense, yet your actions don’t. You unconsciously inch closer to him. You shouldn’t, you shouldn’t, you shouldn’t. “You’re confusing me,” Jaehyun responds, sounding frustrated, but when his hands find your waist, his touch is careful. Gentle. Like a collector in awe of the precious rare item he has found. “I thought you hated my guts. You know, that’s the kind of interpretation a break-up letter entails.”

“Jaehyun,” you whisper. You want to rip his hands off, leave him here to come to terms with the realization that this relationship is over. It had been such a difficult situation, and so painful; to rip the band-aid off in the manner that you did. You hadn’t even told Jeonghan about the reason you broke it off, so afraid of the consequences, yet more afraid of the repercussions of your relationship to Jaehyun’s career. You needed to tell him off now, before you do something you would regret. You do none of these things, however. You let Jeong Jaehyun cradle your face in the middle of the gallery as if nothing has changed and the two of you are eternal and you have never been apart. Something inside of you reaches for his soul, across the gaping abyss that forced mythological Orpheus and Eurydice apart. You let him bring your face close enough that he can press his cheek against yours, mimicking Gustav Klimt’s The Kiss hanging in the hall outside. A sweet irony. It had always been your favorite painting, and you know there was a copy of it hanging in Jaehyun’s living room, bought by you for an anniversary long past. His lips trace the lines of your cheekbones, feeding the selfish ache inside you that is always desperate for Jaehyun. “It doesn’t matter. I’m with a different man.”

The answer makes Jaehyun draw in a sharp breath, but his ministrations continue on; as if his love for you was an instinct he was chasing after unconsciously. His lips trail a burning path across your face, his fingers curling at your nape. Lulling you in. Entrancing you. “At the risk of sounding like an asshole - I don’t care,” he murmurs against your skin, the words reverberating in your blood. “I would give anything for being able to touch you like this. Even if this is the last time.”

You screw your eyes shut. Even if this is the last time. Almost mechanically, you raise your arms to draw him against you, your bodies lining up perfectly; you had always secretly enjoyed how well you guys fit together. A perfect match. When you had dropped him off at that airport, you had been robbed of truly saying goodbye to him. Coming home late, almost oversleeping and missing his flight, riding in separate cars because the staff had piled into the seats of which at least one should have been reserved for you. You couldn’t even kiss him goodbye - you had let go of Jaehyun with a heavy heart, a mind full of anxieties turning over all the threats you had received not only digitally, but now even physically, and with a mouth full of lies. This is the last time. You look up at the same time as Jaehyun decides to throw all caution against the wind, bowing his head to inch closer. “Let me kiss you, please,” he whispers, the desperation in his voice so heady it makes you feel drunk. “May I kiss you?”

You draw in a sharp, shuddering breath, and murmur your assent. As if this had been a decision and not a stabbing, sharp need below your chest. “Yes. Yes, Jaehyun.”

Your lips meet his halfway, although meet is the wrong words. It’s a crash and burn, two stars folding around one another and exploding in a supernova; there is nothing human about the way Jaehyun hungrily devours the surprised gasp you let out. His kiss is all fire and blood and teeth, the messy clacking of two people who had been made to love each other once and then cut apart by fate. Your hastily sucked in breaths keep getting interrupted every time Jaehyun kisses you again, and again, and again. It’s a sweet torture, and a productive one. By the time he has dragged you against a wall you are lightheaded and out of it, your skin prickling with the feeling of Jaehyun mapping out his way. “Oh sweetheart,” he sighs out against your collarbone, his teeth painting markings across your chest. You barely even register him falling to his knees. “I could die tomorrow and be a happy man.”

“What are you doing?” You ask him, dazed. Your hands find his shoulders (has he become even broader? You seriously need to have a talk with Johnny and the gym routine he forces Jaehyun through). Despite your confusion, your body remembers Jaehyun. You barely even think about following his guidance, complying almost immediately when he taps against your waist so that you raise your leg and angle it over his shoulder. The belated realization makes you blush heavily; your addled mind cannot keep up with your body’s compliance. “Jeong Jaehyun! Are you insane?”

You intended to sound fierce and reprimanding, but when you finally look down to meet his gaze, your knees almost buckle. Jaehyun looks like a man starved, his eyes heavy-lidded with desire, the irises blown wide to ensure every detail of you is burned into his recollection. He looks like a worshipper, and his hands move across the supple flesh of your thighs as if in prayer. Blasphemous and heavenly. And incredibly dangerous. You can still hear the loud chatter of the other guests behind the curtain, just across the room. The nervousness makes your veins thrum. “Baby,” he says, sounding genuinely disbelieving. “Do you honestly think I won’t use this chance to taste you one last time? I don’t know what made you tolerate me suddenly, but I am not going to be the idiot that ruins the opportunity. You’ll let me go down on you, won’t you, sweetheart?”

The term of endearment makes you all fuzzy-minded and giddy. “I … yes … But anyone could walk in…” you nervously start, and yet you angle your hips forward so that Jaehyun can tug down your black lace panties, barely noticing that he tucks them inside his suit pockets. “And we’re not supposed to … I mean, I shouldn’t …. Jesus, Jae!”

In the middle of your feeble attempt of climbing back to the moral highground, Jaehyun had positioned himself right at your core; your hands fumble to hold on to his shoulders before he kisses your vulva way too innocently for a man who’s currently going down on you in the middle of a public art gallery. You barely remember to lean back against the wall for support before Jaehyun dives in like you are the last meal he is ever permitted to have on this earth, and he is determined to make it last.

You bite back a cry when Jaehyun finally laps at you, the torturous kitten lick lighting your entire body aflame with want. Although Jaehyun immediately follows it up by generously sucking at the sensitive bundle of nerves, you cast aside all pretense of decorum due to your greed and dig your fingers in his hair to direct him closer, much closer, and Jaehyun moans. The sound is so delicious it makes your veins burn with desire, the physical pain of craving him running almost hotter than your need to be pleasured. Keyword almost. You wanted to come all over his mouth just for that delicious fucking noise, but your stomach was tensing up, the quick arousal accomplished by the serious lack of sex and masturbation that the past few months had been for you. Jaehyun’s hands claw at your knees, climbing to your thighs, forcing your legs wide open to welcome his fingers where he drags them across your all-too-welcoming entrance. “So wet,” he groans against your core, and you whimper at the vibration, bucking against his lips. Even though he loves to run his mouth during sex, he gets it to work anyways. Jaehyun laps up your sweetness as it drips down, his thumb flicking at your sensitive spots until he has you keening and tearing at his hair. “God, sweetheart, look at what a mess you’re making. You’re fucking gorgeous.”

“Jaehyun,” you gasp when he finally dives his tongue into you, the muscle pumping in mock-fashion of what he would love to do to you. The compliments are doing insane things to you and your heart, your poor heart that is going to cling to this moment forever. While Jaehyun’s fingers work their magic, your own begin to spasm, pulling and tearing at him. Submitting to you and your feral hunger he finally adds a finger, his right hand busy with fingering you while his left hands continues to trace circles over your clitoris. The sudden penetration has you remembering that his own digits are way longer than yours, the memory accompanying the sensation of him reaching further and further until he finds the right spot that has you bowing over him with a loud moan. This is what you missed, what you were imagining when you were daydreaming about sex, daydreaming about the godly way Jaehyun pounded you into the mattress. He knows he’s got you now, speeding up his ministrations at every noise you make. You screw your eyes shut with a bone-deep shudder, the sweet tension inside your abdomen pulling tighter and tighter in a familiar tell-tale sign. “Jaehyun, slow down, fuck!”

He’s curling his fingers, eager for your approval, hungry for more noises - through your blurry eyes, you realize he’s watching you through it all, the gaze of a predator. Not once does he look away, continuing his sweet song of praise. “So beautiful,” he coos against your pussy, pressing close so he can speak the words into your skin, your soul. In your state, it almost sounds like Jaehyun is the only thing in your world, and hasn’t it always been? The miracle in your life that you surrendered all your worship to? You lurch forward when he sucks your clit into his mouth, seeing white for a second, the stimulation becoming too much. “Keep looking at me, please. Wanna watch you when you come.”

“I…. can’t!” you manage to babble, realizing you are edging closer to your climax. You’ve never once been this quick, not with anyone but with Jaehyun; the only man in your life that knew every inch of you, the very shape of your soul. Your body is as familiar to him as the back of your hand; more familiar to him than his own self. Jaehyun is too impatient to deal with your arguments, though. “You can,” he hisses against you, dragging his fingers more fervently. Your warm walls tighten around them, hungrily trying to keep them in, to keep going. The sudden clenching around his fingers makes it difficult. “Look at me and cum or you won’t get to cum at all, I swear it.”

That’s all it takes for you to finally let go, almost weeping with the overwhelming pleasure. Your orgasm washes over you almost too violently, forced on by Jaehyun’s overstimulation as he keeps going and going and going, and by the time you push him off your sensitive pussy there are tears falling from your eyes. But you drag him close and kiss him, kiss him so hard you think he’s going to bruise, and Jaehyun lets you; it is much sweeter and patient than the beginning of the altercation, so sweet on your tongue it has you melting against Jaehyun. This is it, that adrenaline you kept chasing; true, painful, but worth it love. You feel too sensitive and too aware and too alight, but you wrap your arms around him all the same, as if you can keep him forever. Your kisses reach inside of him, desperate for connection, heavy with the longing that had accompanied you everywhere ever since you left him. You think you were born to love Jeong Jaehyun, and you kiss him as if you are Eve reaching for the forbidden apple - knowing it’s wrong, wanting it anyway. You want and you want and you want. Your hands are on his soft cheeks, dragging against his shoulders, careless, loving. You love Jeong Jaehyun, love him so much that your very existence is exploding from the inherent triumph that accompanied witnessing him.

You think you would gladly go to hell for tasting divinity on Jaehyun’s lips. You’d rather be a sinner than apart from him for being a saint.

When you finally tear away from him, Jaehyun’s lips are swollen(your heart almost fails at the sheer pleasure that sight gives you). He lets you drag your thumb across the kiss-stained lip, wiping away the lipstick, tracing his jawline. “Such a beautiful face,” you tell him, watching as he preens from the affection. Your heart to yearns to give him more, but you finally force yourself to step away before you die from the overdosis that is Jaehyun. He watches you, completely out of it. “This is the last time,” you remind him. The lie comes so easily now, even though you are trying to memorize his gorgeous face, tattooing it across your mind palace. You will never forget this, no matter what illness or loss comes for you. Not Jeong Jaehyun. “The last time, okay, Jae?”

You place your hand over his heart, and he places his own above it. For a moment, the situation feels eternal. You were in love and you were both idiots, but it was okay because you were handling it together. Because you would face all the challenges together. Because you would work towards a future together. But the spell is broken soon, and you make the first step back, biting your lip at the sadness resurfacing in his eyes. Jaehyun, you think. The only man you’ve ever entrusted your heart with like this.

“Okay,” he finally answers, helpless. He holds on to your hand, though, making the last few steps to follow you before he is forced to let you go. You turn back at the last second before you enter the main hall, just to see if he is looking away, but there he stands, watching you.

His face is forlorn, softened by his quiet sadness, and your heart breaks again. You leave him there before you can do something else you regret.

When Jaehyun had fallen in love you, he knew he was in for some deep shit.

Picking you up had become a natural habit now. You had long since stopped calling your brother and instead resorted to texting Jaehyun first. It felt like an honor, to be entrusted with your care. That you’ve started to know him in a way that makes you rely on him. Picking you up had led to late-night-drives to sober you up, late-night-drives had turned into a shared breakfast the next morning when Jaehyun was worried about you having hangovers, and fussing over you had turn into regular meet-ups because Jaehyun could no longer deny that what he craved was not reassurance of your well-being, but you in person.

He remembered one morning where he had slept over after a particularly nasty crash-out. You had been laughing and weeping incoherently, your friend Karina aiding him with the information that you had failed your exam and drowned yourself in booze. He had texted DK a “FYI, your sister’s puking her guts out in my apartment” after deciding his home was closer than yours and you wouldn’t last long enough to throw up in your own toilet, before he had sat there with you and braided your hair back while you emptied out your entire stomach. The next morning, when he had woken up to you cuddled up to him still on the bathroom floor, he had carried you to his bed, tucked you in and walked into the kitchen to cook hangover soup, something he had mastered by this point due to the amount of times Mark had familiarized himself with that toilet just like you did last night. Having checked his phone, he read your brother’s only response: “LOL. didn’t even realize she left party”

You had wandered in shortly after, sleepy and pale like a ghost. The sound of your footsteps had startled Jaehyun, but his surprise had turned into a sudden happiness at the sight of your eyes lighting up when you saw him. The realization that his presence made you as happy as yours made him was invaluable. He loved the kind of person he was when you guys were together; existing felt like floating, a light cloud of pure contentment.

Even though there hadn’t been a lot of talking, you had both been deeply comfortable. That was the very first time he had kissed you; when you couldn’t stop singing his praises after claiming his soup was too tasty, he had simply leant over and shut you up himself. It was almost funny at how quickly you had dropped that spoon, tugging at his pyjama shirt to pull him closer, damn right pulling him over the counter. Not that he was complaining. He loved the way you made him feel, the way your touch made it feel like there were stars blooming below his skin. It made him feel like the brightest sun in the sky. “Why did you do that?” you had immediately asked when he finally pulled back. Jaehyun had cradled your face, realizing he was holding his entire world in the palm of his hand. “I just suddenly understood that I want to hold your hair back for you for the rest of my life,” he had admitted then, earning himself a slap to the shoulder. But you had laughed, that pure boisterous laugh that sparked with joy, and his heart had pounded in his chest: unable to handle the luck he was experiencing.

The mornings had blurred into days, the days into weeks, finally bleeding into the most happiest months of Jaehyun’s life. He’d never been cautious, but you had certainly made him braver. Sudden shenanigans in public, joking around entirely too loud during important events, having fun everywhere you guys were together. You had made him believe there were no honeymoon phases. Jaehyun woke and rose in the morning, and went to sleep in the dawn obsessed with you. There were rough patches, stressful and grieving periods when your private lives had been rocked particularly hard with a certain event, but he never once stopped adoring you. You were in every waking breath, every racing heartbeat.

Even now, as he wakes the day after your goodbye in the art gallery, he wakes up with the taste of hope in his mouth, of the shape of your heart on the tip of his tongue. He wakes still dreaming, always dreaming of you.

“So what you’re saying,” states Johnny, twirling a biscuit around in his coffee, “is that you had sex with your ex-girlfriend in a public museum, fully knowing she’s dating someone else.”

“Johnny,” comes the muffled response from where Jaehyun hides his face in his hands. It’s too beautiful of a day. It should be raining, to reflect Jaehyun’s mood, to encompass this entirely too awkward feeling of knowing Jaehyun was still in love with his ex. He had spent the entire morning racking his brain for ideas to get rid of the other man, feeling like Lana del Rey in her worst situationships. Jaehyun has reached a very new low, the kind of pathetic that makes him not care that he’s embarrassing himself by still being at your beck-and-call. “It wasn’t sex.”

Johnny waves the retort away. “Oral sex, then. Still sex.” The comment is too loud and earns Johnny some weirded-out looks, but the man looks completely unbothered. He had once watched Johnny talk about different sex positions completely seriously while standing in line for gelato in Little Italy, back when they had visited New York together. Johnny Suh did not know what shame was. “I never even knew you were freaky like that. Little exhibitionist freak. Maybe I underestimated you.”

“Johnny,” Jaehyun deadpanned. “Is this the time to be making jokes? Can we get to the point?”

“What point, dude? You basically went on your knees and asked her to take you back, and she didn’t. I didn’t realize you wanted me to throw salt into the wound.”

Jaehyun lowers his head to the tabletop, resting his too warm face against the metal surface. He doesn’t dare close his eyes, because the image of you is burned into his eyelids. He feels like an addict itching for a quick fix. It had been like this the entire week now. It was one thing to be ghosted by you and forced to move on by the lack of interaction, and another to be making out with you and getting his hopes up despite the fact you told him this was the last time. All it did was make him delusional enough to think he could convince you for it not to be. “She didn’t say no,” he tells Johnny, sounding pitiable even to him. “She just told me this had to be the last time.”

A few seconds pass before Jaehyun finally raises his head due to the lack of answer from his best friend. The look Johnny gives him tells him is answer enough, and Jaehyun pulls a grimace. He hadn’t expected of Johnny to be feeding into his delusions, but there had been some hope. Hope for you to call. Hope for you to come back. Hope for you to still want him.

You hadn’t unfollowed him yet; you hadn’t posted in days; and your brother has kindly snitched to him that you’ve even been blowing off Junseo. He knows you have finals coming up soon, but thinking rationally was something Jaehyun severely lacked at the moment. He had been entertaining the idea that the … meeting, for a lack of better words, in the museum had shaken you up as much as it did him. He kept replaying the memory in his head, the way your plush thighs had trapped him there on his knees, your pretty lips jutted in a pout, the tears falling from your eyes from the way he was making you feel so good … he almost felt himself get hard again, but quickly killed the boner by thinking of something else. “I just wish she’d be more clear,” he sighs out. At the sight of Johnny raising his eyebrows, he clarifies: “I mean that she’s playing hot and cold with me. I’m not stupid enough to not realize she does want to put an end to this. And yet she’s the one that followed me on Instagram, and kissed me, and made me fall all over again for her. I wasn’t doing well before I saw her again, but I was going somewhere.”

“Somewhere,” Johnny repeats, his tone mocking, but then he sets down the biscuit that had come with his coffee. This is what Jaehyun liked about him the most. He considered everything and thought about everything carefully before giving his honest opinion, and even though he sure as hell wasn’t unbiased, he still tried his best to be. “I guess,” Johnny concurs then. “I guess that’s true. I just think there must be a reason to this. I haven’t known her half as long as you do, but we were friends once, and she never once acted as irrationally as she did this past year.”

Jaehyun perked up at that. It was true, at least. In the weeks leading up to your break-up, as well as the months afterwards, you had been acting incredibly off, to the point that even your close ones had been questioning your case. He hadn’t realized how keen Johnny’s observations could be. “So you think she’s going through something that she couldn’t tell me?” he asks, his voice tentative.

Johnny shrugs. “That sounds like the most logical explanation to me. So you either hook up with her again and question her while you’re at it, or you start looking up ways to get rid of Junseo, I guess.” The suggestion makes Johnny’s face light up with excitement. “Dude, I actually always wanted to hire an assassin on the dark web. Do you think we can do that?”

“No, you idiot,” Jaehyun hisses back. But the gears in his head are already turning, chipping away at the past year, at your secret glances and your guilty letter and the sadness in your eyes when you had let him go. He had always thought that even though you had been decisive, you had at least been sad for not being able to love him in the way he deserved to be loved anymore. now he wonders how selfish he has been, and whether he should have been texting his ex all along instead of grieving what was.

Well. Jaehyun thought it couldn’t hurt to try.

Jeonghan sees him before you do.

It’s the way your best friend immediately starts cackling and turns back around to walk back into the library. You halt in your movements, looking at him imploringly. “Your ex, dude,” he tells you, visibly enjoying the way you immediately enter full-panic-mode. “You’re on your own.”

Your panicked “Hannie!” is drowned out by his snickers, and Jeonghan leaves you to your distress to pretend going to the bathroom. You met Jeonghan years ago, and even though he was older than you, you had become such fast friends that DK threatened to beat you guys up for laughing too loud whenever you were over at their dorms. He was your stupid older unnecessary brother that loved you more than anything, but he is also the most brutally honest one out of all of your friends. You do not go to Jeonghan for advice if you aren’t able to handle the truth. He cuts to the chase real quick and will call you out on your bullshit.

It’s also why he immediately told you that your plan wasn’t going to work out. “Let’s not pretend this is the most lovey-dovey you’ve ever been in your life,” Jeonghan had told you with a straight face. You wince at the memory; Jeonghan’s words are able to tear down buildings. “You love-love that man. You’re in deep, deep shit. Whatever it is you don’t want to tell me about, the thing that made you think up this idiotic plan in the first place, it won’t be able to amount to the feelings you have for him.”

Yes, you love-love him; you know just as much, and your heart sings with that knowledge. It pinches and tingles beneath your ribs, calling out a certain name. It rejoices at the sight of Jaehyun out there, in the rain, wearing not even a jacket but instead jeans and a hoodie that looks large even on him, and a bouquet in his hands. But you love him enough not to want to be selfish enough to endanger him.

The messages had blown up your instant message box for weeks then, each threat becoming more explicit. At first, you had resorted to deleting them. They were all the same at their core, anyways, the same hatred being spewed with different names. But then one persistent account had started attaching pictures to their messages, waking you up from the rose-tinted dream that was being in love with Jaehyun. Pictures of him at private events, including the other band members as well, even the youngest ones who were innocent. You hadn’t responded, but the fear had you making hasty plans; setting up everything carefully, writing the letter, while you prepared to leave Jaehyun in the most respectful way you could imagine because that is what you owed him. But then pictures of his own rented studio inside SM building had started popping up, a room you knew no one but Jaehyun and his aides should have access to, one single message with one ominous threat: Leave him or I’ll ruin the both of you. His life’s work being killed will be your fault.

Your lack of answer surely had made them furious.

You didn’t know whether to approach the managers, or even the police. Stalkers weren’t unheard of in the industry, one being caught and sued almost weekly by now, and Jaehyun had cycled through his fair share of them. No one had ever went for you in that way, though. You were certain that this wasn’t a singular threat, certain that this was someone who would pull out all stops to get rid of you. SM Entertainment was more tightly under lock and key than a literal jail. This person knew what they were doing. And so you did what you thought was right, at the cost of your own wellbeing. How much you had sacrificed and cried after distancing yourself from the man you considered your heart.

And yet here he was.

You shake the umbrella open before stepping out of the library, into the rain. In three quick strides, you’ve reached him. You try to convince yourself you’re just eager to be rid of him, but the corners of your lips quirk up way too happily for your brain to believe that. “Is this your equivalent of a boombox outside my window?” you question.

Jaehyun smiles, and it untangles the heavy knot of dread inside of you. The weather is awful, but you feel warm, spreading inside your chest like the soothing effects of medicine. “It kind of is,” he answers. He sounds like he is carefully weighing his words, but his voice is gentle. “I didn’t know which one your window was. And entering the building to go visit you in your apartment seemed creepy to even me.”

You tentatively reach out, brushing your fingers over the roses. They’re a deep red, plush and freshly bloomed. Expensive. Junseo has never even got you a three-dollar-bundle of flowers from the grocery store. “You know, I already have someone who’s giving me flowers,” you tell him, but the threat is empty. Every inch of you is bursting with happiness. Jaehyun is here, even though it’s the middle of the night and the weather is completely awful, just to give you roses.

(You never even make the connection someone must have told him you’re here. (DK was shitting himself for days in fear of you finding out he was the tattletale.)

Jaehyun hands you the bouquet, his hands covering your own as you grasp it. You watch him as he takes the opportunity to step closer to you, never once reprimanding him. His face is open and trusting, and the force of his loving gaze hits you right in the chest. “I know,” he retorts. “And the thought is killing me. It should be me. And so I will. I will keep buying you roses until you ask me to stop, sweetheart, because I don’t mind if you forget about me, but I was made to adore you. I can’t ignore my instincts.”

The confession does funny things to your heart, in a way that makes you beam at him for the first time in months. You haven’t smiled like this in so long, and your cheeks hurt from the lack of practise. Jaehyun, the damn fool; Jaehyun, the hopeless romantic; Jaehyun, the love of your life. “Killing you,” you muse, entertaining him. You are playing with fire, you realize, but you are coming to the understanding that even though you had made a decision for him in a completely unfair manner, because you felt threatened to do so, Jaehyun still chooses you. And he continues to choose you. He has respected your wishes, has kept his distance despite the grief you have caused him, and has only re-entered your life because you allowed him to do so. It was your own self-doubt about being the one for him that had forced your hand and made you not ask him for help about the threats; and despite the fact Jaehyun never understood why, he had still reassured you.

“Do you honestly mean that?” you ask him, even though you know what his answer will be. Even though your heart has always chosen him, this sweet boy who knew just what to say to cheer you up. Who listened when you talked. Who bought you gifts just because you mentioned liking some trinket in passing. Who remembers to kiss you every morning before you leave the house, even if it means dragging himself out of bed at 5am in the morning just to see you off because he knows he won’t see you the entire day. Who leaves little notes around the house for you to find when he is too busy to be with you. Jaehyun, your Jaehyun.

“I will always, always mean it,” he answers in the most earnest way possible. “I’ve been thinking about you all this time. I know how pathetic this sounds, but all this time, I kept envisioning you, and the thought of you kept me going even though I knew you weren’t a part of my life anymore. I like the person you made me become, sweetheart, and the way you have helped me shape my life into something I can be proud of. I just wish I had realized sooner that there was something bothering you - because there is, right?” His fingers gently squeeze yours in encouragement, and your little nod makes him press on. “I’m sorry,” he says, and surprises you. “I’m sorry for being so in love with your good and pure heart and failing to realize that it burdened you, despite how good and pure it was. You were going through something that you couldn’t handle, and I couldn’t see it, and I’m sorry.”

You tug at Jaehyun’s hands. His instantaneous, responding smile makes your heart skip a beat, and he lets you pull him down until you can press your lips to his soft, dimpled cheek. “You’re such a sore loser, Jeong Jaehyun,” you whisper then, but you loosen a hand from the bouquet and place it against his cheek to keep him there. To treasure him. “And such a sweet little idiot. You don’t have to apologize about a single thing to me.” He smells like home, like the only home you’ve ever known. Jaehyun hums, and nods in assent to the insults, and the agreement makes you laugh. You kiss his cheek again, and again, and again, until Jaehyun’s impatience makes him turn his head and kiss you so urgently that your head feels like it’s spinning. “Jaehyun,” you sigh into the kiss, feeling his teeth nip at your lower lip, feeling his hands close around your heart.

You have never felt so safe.

Jaehyun rests his forehead against yours, the pouring rain cascading around you both. “Does that mean I can kill your little boy toy now?” he asks, but you only smack him and smile shyly, your face radiant with adoration for him. “I am going to resolve some things first,” you tell him. “Until then, no murder.”

“And after that?”

“After that,” you say, “I am going to prove that my heart has always belonged to you, Jeong Jaehyun. Even when I made you doubt that.”

(For your information, Jeonghan has recorded that entire interaction and forwarded it to Johnny without context. Johnny had texted him back almost seconds later, asking, Who’s this and how’d you get my number? Hannie’s response, as you discover after he had confessed his betrayal, was I have my ways.)

Jaehyun,

I realize me writing another letter is cruel and ironic, but hear me out, please.

When I wrote my first letter, it was with the selfish intention of at least something of mine remaining with you. By the time you read this, I’ll hopefully have gathered enough evidence to explain my case to you and maybe have the guts to ask you to accompany me to the police, but what I first want to reiterate is: I love you. I love you the point of self-sacrifice. I love you enough that I turned my back on being selfless anyways and selfishly chose you, because you are the most important person in my heart. You will always come first.

When I wrote that letter to break up with you, I imagined a piece of myself embedding itself in the ink so that at least something could remain forever. In my mind, you were never ephemeral: no matter how many times I changed my paths and adjusted my future, it has always included you. I never once imagined building a life for myself that didn’t have you as its brilliant, shining center piece, the light of my life, my Jaehyun. I’ve always been afraid of falling in love head-first, always afraid of loving more than the other, but you have proven me wrong. And I love being proven wrong by you. I love the fact that you fiercely, sincerely, and lovingly pull me back to reality every time. Reality with you is more perfect than anything I could have ever dreamed of.

Since my first letter was supposed to be a goodbye, I want this letter to be proof that I choose to greet the future with you. I want this letter to be proof that I will never need a letter again. I want to spend the rest of my life loving you and telling you about it, and I will reassure you of that always, in the same manner as you have always me reassured me. You told me that my heart was good and pure, but I genuinely believe that I am constantly reflecting back what you give me: your kindness, Jae, your sincerity, your unbelievable humanity.

You are the only man I ever want roses in my life from, and that will never change. :) So if you finish reading this, stop creeping on my Instagram waiting for me to drop the other man and come bring me another bouquet so I can prove to you there has never been another. You are the only one in my heart.

With love,

your sweetheart

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

A new challenger approaches (slowly)

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[piles-of-peaches]

I love the outfit designs on this episode it was so gorgeous I’m completely obsessed