#You can insert your own choice of boss music here - I did not grow up playing video games so I have nothing off the top of my head.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

A new challenger approaches (slowly)

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[madamewriterofwrongs]

Sending you all my hugs 🥰🥰🥰😍 How about...Buddie having the time of their lives being absolute shit at arcade games.

I remember I asked for fluffy prompts the night my boss passed away. That was months ago but I did not forget. Thank you everyone who sent me prompts while I was processing some tough emotions.

911/Buddie 

1v1 Co-op Matchmaking

Read on Ao3

“Are you sure this is the place?” Eddie tried to peer through one of the windows with the scratched off signage but the tinted glass made it impossible to see anything beyond vague shapes in evenly marked spaces.

“Absolutely.” Buck joined him in looking through the glass but seemed to be satisfied with what he saw there. “I found this place my first year in L.A.” He went on to explain as Eddie followed him to the blacked out double doors. “I promise you’re going to love it.”

As with most things in Eddie’s life, he had no choice but to follow his partner. He entered first, a blast of cool air hitting his face, bringing with it the scent of French fries and old pennies. Beyond the sound of whirs and buzzes was quiet chatter and the occasional exclamation of excitement or disappointment (usually accompanied by a string of barely recognizable curses – no doubt, due to the ‘No Swearing’ sign hanging on the cash register in the corner). All around him were a collection of game machines in nearly straight aisles reaching several rows down and across. Interspersed between the machines were tables and chairs with folded signs informing guests that food and drinks were not to be taken to the game machines.

“It’s an arcade.” Eddie dumbly informed his friend.

Buck stood beside him, chest puffed with pride as he examined the terrain. “One of the last in the city that hasn’t been overrun by hipsters.”

“So you’re saying you found this place before it was cool?” Eddie strolled towards the register knowing Buck would be glaring at him all the way. As predicted, Buck paid for both of them and converted twenty dollars into quarters for the two of them two split.

“Oh, this place is old school.” Eddie, once again, exclaimed the obvious while pocketing his share of the coins. “How did you find this place?” he asked as they wandered the aisles looking for their first game. “I didn’t think you would be old enough to remember ‘Ms. Pacman’.”

Buck bumped his shoulder with a playful gasp. “You are being so mean to me today.” He chided before falling more somber. “When I first moved here and started training, I needed a place to study. I had, like, six roommates so there was no way I could concentrate there. So, I wandered around looking for something a little less chaotic and I found this place.”

“And this place was quieter than your house?” Eddie hadn’t lived with roommates in a few years – not since his army days – but he couldn’t imagine one house being that overwhelming.

“No.” Buck rolled his eyes at Eddie’s internal monologue. “I ended up at the library a few blocks away. But I came here once or twice when I needed to get out of the house. Obviously, work keeps me pretty busy, but I like coming here from time to time.”

All of it made sense, but Eddie heard the softness in his friend’s tone, the way he spoke about this place as though it were something precious. He was being handed a gift and he would not turn it down.

“Thank you for sharing it with me.” When Buck looked up at his partner through long eyelashes (when did he start noticing Buck’s eyelashes?), Eddie felt goosebumps rise and wash down his body. Like awakening from a long nap, his limbs tingled and he felt every step as they continued their journey to find the perfect game.

It wasn’t the first time he felt that flash of lightning through his veins at the sight of his friend – he was a single man and his partner was very attractive – but it had been happening more often than he cared to admit. Noticing the little details of Buck’s appearance (his eyelashes, for example) was new. Feeling his heart beat faster and his skin burn with a desire he hadn’t felt in a long time…was less new. In fact, Eddie was nearly ready to put a label on the feelings stirring in his chest.

Last winter, when his sisters were visiting and the three siblings got to have a big family dinner with all the cousins and aunts and uncles, he’d spent a little too long talking about Buck. Or, maybe, Christopher had. Either way, Sophia managed to corner him in the kitchen after dessert had knocked out the majority of the children, and asked Eddie how long he’d been with Buck. Romantically. It was sometime after midnight (and a bottle of wine between the three of them) that Eddie finally admitted to both of his sisters that he had feelings for his best friend. Adriana had cooed and asked if Buck felt the same and, on some tipsy instinct, he’d answered “Yes.”

Of course, he didn’t know for certain – he’d never come out and said “Hey, Buck, I want to bend you over the railing and then grow old with you. What do you say?” – but he knew Buck. He knew Buck better than anyone (Maddie might give him a run for his money, but he’s fairly certain there’s a few stories Buck hasn’t told his sister about his time travelling the country). When that man loved, he loved with all his heart, and Eddie figured out a long time ago that Buck had given at least part of himself to the Diaz boys. Why not his heart?

So, yes, Eddie had a pretty good idea of how he felt, and was nearly certain that Buck felt the same way. And now, they were standing in an arcade – the location of which Buck hadn’t shared with anyone else in his life – occasionally making extended eye contact through the aisles. It wasn’t a matter of ‘if’. It was a matter of ‘when’.

So now, when not staring longingly into his friend’s eyes, Eddie scanned the names listed above each game. Some of the names were ones he recognized (‘Frogger’, ‘Pacman’, the aforementioned ‘Ms. Pacman’, ‘Centipede’). Others, were less familiar (‘Inferno’, ‘Dig Dug’, ‘1942’) and looked…confusing. His eye caught on a ‘Space Invaders’-looking game and he called his partner to his side.

“Want to be a member of the ‘Moon Patrol’?” He bumped Buck’s shoulder with the smile he reserved just for his friend, and dug for a quarter.

“Nope!” Buck declared as he retrieved his own quarter and inserted it into the appropriate slot, bumping Eddie out of the way so he could stand centered at the controls. “I call first game!”

Though he rolled his eyes in annoyance, Eddie took the loss as an opportunity to watch his partner work. He loved watching Buck work (nearly as much as he enjoyed working beside him). There were times when the man’s focus was hypnotizing. The firm set of his jaw, the piercing eyes that seemed unblinking, the way every part of his body tensed in concentration. He’d seen Buck excited, anxious, worried, panicked, even numb – when it came to the uncontrollable dangers of their job, they had been through a lot together. Every emotion showed Eddie how much his friend cared about his work.

This expression, however, was one he doubted many other members of the Los Angeles Fire Department had seen on the young firefighter. It was one Eddie had been privy to on more than one occasion when Christopher had brought over a particularly difficult puzzle or science question. He wasn’t sure he was ever meant to see it but he happened to be standing in the doorway after putting away leftovers from dinner and he’d seen it: the desire to win, the earnest focus, the eagerness and seriousness of his intent. The first time he saw, it was an accident.  Every other time he rushed to finish his chores whenever he thought that face might emerge… that was less of an accident.

He was pulled from his fond musings by a minor key jingle and light-hearted groan of disappointment.

“Only got to Point Q on the Champion Course.” Buck exclaimed, throwing his hands in defeat.

Eddie couldn’t help himself – or at least, that’s what he told himself. His partner was too genuine. But that was one of his favourite things about the man. Where Eddie could usually keep his outward appearance neutral in the face of adversity (a skill he’d used nearly every day since joining the LAFD), Buck never shied away from letting his face show just exactly what was on his mind – even if he never said anything.

And so, Eddie laughed. Only a small chuckle, but his heart never felt so light as when he was with Buck. It was easy to see, however, that his laugh could be misconstrued as mocking. Perhaps it was both.

“Think you can do better?” The newly-defeated champion bowed and offered the center position to his friend and Eddie stepped into place with another fond eyeroll (he made a mental note to ask his optometrist if too many eyerolls could cause nerve damage).

All right, Eddie thought as he tried to get a handle on the controls, so it wasn’t as easy as he thought. The joystick was rigid and the control pad was sticky and the graphics were definitely from an era long-passed. If he hadn’t been raised with an infinite amount of patience (according to his aunt), he might have given up. As it was, he died before reaching the first checkpoint.

Buck’s laughter could not be interpreted as anything other than mocking, and he didn’t bother to hide it. “You are truly terrible.” He informed Eddie with a slap on the shoulder.

Though he knew he didn’t need an excuse, it was too easy to play when Buck was around. “I’m used to the console at home. Unlike some people, I don’t spend my time playing with technology from the Reagan-era.”

“Well then let me show you.” Before Eddie could properly interpret Buck’s offer, the man had come to stand behind him, chin hovering over his shoulder, arms palming his elbows and guiding him back towards the console. “One more round.” Buck declared, enthusiastically. At his prompting, Eddie gripped the joystick and placed his hands just above the cluster of buttons on his left side. The now-familiar starting music began and Eddie focused all of his energy into game before him. Every few moments, he heard Buck mutter a command or offer advice and he took it without question. The joystick was still rigid and the buttons were still sticky but together, they made it to the second checkpoint. And then the third. By the fourth, Eddie had all but forgotten the world around them. The only things that existed were Eddie, the game, and Buck’s voice in his ear. It was soothing, almost, to fall into that rhythm. So long as he navigated the bumpy terrain and dodged the alien invasion, nothing else mattered.

Until he missed jumping over a landmine and was blown to smithereens.

“Damn!” Buck’s voice was suddenly too close. The air around him electrified on an exhale and the heat of his chest warmed Eddie to his core. As quickly as the world had fallen away in Buck’s arms, it came rushing back, more vibrant and alive than before. Every sound of electronics whirring, Buck’s steady breathing, and people shouting – even the rumble of the cars outside the arcade – was amplified. Every smell of old metal, sweat, and smoke hidden under Buck’s aftershave was overwhelming. Every touch of his scratchy jeans, the clammy plastic in his hand, and the warm presence at his back, made Eddie close his eyes to shut out one of his senses. The only one left was taste.

Buck and Eddie had held each other plenty of times over the years. They were partners and friends who worked in close contact with one another. At the end of a hard day, in the middle of a daring rescue, at the beginning of a heated glance as they stood in front of a game machine. They had shaken hands, hugged tightly, gripped for dear life at the edge of a cliff, even bumped shoulders often enough that he had a Buck-shaped indent near his heart. But standing in this loose hold – the other man’s arms barely brushing his, his back pressed against the other’s front – Eddie had never felt the overwhelming urge to taste more fervently than he did in that moment.

He knew that Buck was an attractive man – he was repressed, he wasn’t dead – and though he’d been contemplating thinking about maybe working up to taking some next step, he hadn’t counted on standing in Buck’s arms and feeling his heart flutter like a school girl with a crush.

Upon slowly dragging his eyes to meet his friend’s Eddie found himself breathlessly overtaken by the sensation of hope. Buck’s eyes were bright and round (earnest, just as he’d known them to be) His eyelashes closed and opened slowly, seemingly disbelieving of his circumstance. If Eddie knew Buck as well as he hoped he did, then there was a question in his friend’s eyes that was begging to be asked. A question Eddie was more than happy to answer.

“We make a pretty good team.” He felt his own breath reverberate off of Buck’s cheek and it stuttered in time with his heart.

“I’ve always thought so.” Buck’s lips twitched with suppressing a smile.

Then, came the moment of truth. Eddie felt a brief flicker of panic as he took one last breath before diving in.

“What should we do about it?”

In reality, Buck only contemplated his response for a few seconds but for Eddie, the silence stretched for years – three years, in fact. He felt the world move in slow motion and within it, he watched as Buck’s face flicked with a thousand emotions: fear, anxiety, excitement, contentment, desire, hope, doubt; finally, he settled on quiet happiness.

“I think we need to find a game we can play together. As partners. What do you say?”

As if there were any other response, Eddie smiled at Buck. “Partners.”

The rest of their time at the arcade was locked away, inaccessible to even Eddie, who recalled nothing more than laughter and flirtatious eye contact as they made their way through the aisles of games. At the end of the night, Eddie would get down the block before turning back to Buck’s door. He would run a nervous hand through his hair while he knocked with the other, and waited for the answer. And then, he would blush as he asked if Buck wanted to go on a date with him tomorrow. Buck would blush harder and assure Eddie that he would happily attend, but warn that he no longer kissed on the first date.

But maybe on their second date tomorrow, he’d get lucky.

[sleepypeaky]

now i’ve found you

finn shelby x male reader

request: male!reader, who is Tommy's assistant, is pretty sure he's straight. but he ends up falling for one of the shelby brothers (your choice!). insert gay crisis, and potentially tommy/aunt polly/ada being supportive?

w/c: 1,363

a/n: i love this headcannon so much thank you. i know i do finn for everything but i thought this would work the best and also i love him so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ note that john is alive because im in deep denial. i know i went for a heavier take on this than i could have, but i think it works. also yes i ripped that scene right out of the DA movie. i hope i did the mlm a good. #wlwmlmsolidarity

this is 1928 ish so finn is 20 and so is the reader

this is very obviously way more fully formed than any of my other fics but its tuesday and i have nothing to do so 

Ada Thorne had always looked out for you. So when she managed to get you a job working for her brother, you knew you would be safe. Now you hurried up the steps and knocked on a large heavy wooden door, which opened presently to a sitting room where you awaited your new boss.

Ada held the phone to her ear.

“Listen,” she said. “I have a lad who needs a safe place to work. He’s smart and capable and before you say anything, no, he’s not a spy.”

Tommy silently acknowledged the last part with approval. “Ok, but protection from what?”

Ada looked over her shoulder, making sure none of the others in the house were about. She sighed, “I know this means little to you, but he -lets put it this way- doesn’t fancy the ladies. And life is hard enough for people like him without having to worry about being kicked out of work for something that’s no one’s goddamn business.”

“As you said, this lad’s private life is moot to me, but if you can vouch for his work ethic and loyalty, i’ll give him a try.”

“You must be (y/f/n), nice to meet you.” Tommy shook your hand and led you into his office.

“My sister talks very highly of you, and she is quite possibly the only honest person i know.” He offered you a chair and lit himself a cigarette.

“So, the job is simple enough. I need an assistant, the most recent of which, is my wife, who can’t very well be working for me anymore.”

You smiled and nodded. 

“Well I have two years of university to my name so I hope I can be useful.”

Tommy chuckled, “Well you are more qualified than any other man here lad, and it’s probably smart to get some new young blood on the company.”

You smiled, “Thank you sir.”

He motioned you to follow him out of the room and into a smaller one just off it.

“This is your office, across the hall-” He motioned behind him through the door, where directly adjacent was another room, “-Is my cousin Michael’s office, he is the account handler so to speak.”

“Now,” He turned back to you, “There is the matter of this.”

He placed a pistol and a handful of ammunition onto the desk between you.

“You know how to shoot son?’

You looked concernedly at the weapon casually lying on the table,

“No sir.”

“Well, hopefully you wont ever need to use this but it seems to be company policy, never can be too careful. I’ll have someone teach you.” 

You thanked him and placed the items in a desk drawer.

“If you’ll follow me, i’ll give you the rundown of the company,” he said. “I’ve got some time and I need to wrangle up some people.”

You followed him out the door and through a series of buildings where different operations took place. At one point, you walked into a sort of yard-warehouse area.

Beginning from a distance and gradually growing louder,  you could hear ‘duck!’ ‘hit!’ ‘shift!’ etc.. 

All was explained when you and Tommy turned the corner.

In a roped off section of the cement yard were two very handsome young men. Both boxing and both, seemingly to vex you on your first day, shirtless.

“That’s Bonnie and Finn, don’t mind them.” Tommy commented off-hand. 

He turned left and walked into another building, leaving you just enough time to glance back at the two shirtless men, before ducking in after him.

After Tommy had introduced you the Charlie and Curly, he led you back to the office and then said he had to run, and you could start filing the stack of papers on his desk. 

You went right to work, and before long, had forgotten the time completely.

~~~~

You were in a filing induced trance when a noise took you out of it.

The noise turned out to be the door opening.

“Oh hi.. i didn’t know anyone was in here..” The boy stammered.

You looked up to see on of the boys from the boxing ring, taken slightly by surprise, you fumbled out from behind the desk to introduce yourself.

“Sorry to surprise you, hi i’m (y/n), Mr. Shelby’s new assistant.” You held out your hand and he shook it.

“I’m Finn,” he stumbled “Tommy’s brother.” he released your hand.

“Can I help you with anything?” You asked, tilting your head.

“Well I thought I’d find my brother here but i guess i’ll see him later.”

In a hasty fashion he held up a hand as a brief farewell, and scurried out of the room.

You sighed and cursed silently to yourself.

Out of all the people he could have been, why my boss’s brother.

~~~~

Like no time at all, the weeks and months seemingly flew past. You had become acquainted with everyone and felt like you had finally found your place. There were, of course, still some aspects with which you couldn’t fit in just the same as any other.

“Oi, you’re a good looking lad! Why don’t you come along with us tonight. Get some drink and find a girl, Birmingham’s best!” Arthur wheezed.

“That’s not saying much, but do come along mate!” John followed up. Giving you a friendly slap on the back.

You smiled,

“Thanks,” You gave john a man-pat on the shoulder, “But i got some work to finish here.”

“Suit yerself.” And they were gone.

You sighed with relief. You knew you’d have to go someday, but right now you couldn’t handle the idea of,,,that.

A few minutes later ,you heard a knock on the door and Finn entered, holding two crystal glasses and a bottle of whiskey.

“i heard you skipped goin’ to the Garrison with the others so i thought i’d bring some to you.”

He placed the things down on your desk and sat on the chair opposite you.

“You’re a life-saver! thank you.” you exclaimed.

Finn chuckled, pouring you a glass and handing it over, 

“Yeah, it’s not really my scene either.”

You hummed, taking a sip and savoring it quickly in your mouth. You wondered, a stupid thing to do, if it wasn’t his scene for the same reasons as you. Though the more you got to know him. You suspected.

Suspicions are a dangerous thing. Especially ones that are led by the heart, and are ever so biased on your own happiness. Nevertheless, a week or so later from that night, you popped in to tell Finn, with perhaps too much certainty,

“You know, I think I know a place you might enjoy.”

~~~~

London always induced a joyous feeling inside you. Not that you had only fond memories from living there -far from it- but there was something about a city where the air wasn’t 80% coal soot.

You and Finn got off the train and made your way to Ada’s house. It was always a delight to be in her presence. Especially because you owed her so much, in fact, probably you owed her your life in so may ways.

After tea, and insisting that you had to make your way to a surprise spot, you and Finn made your way into the night.

Through a maze of mews and side-streets, down alleys and cracks you led him.

“I know i grew up in small heath,” He said at one point, when you were in a particularly funky alley. “but where the hell are you taking me?”

“Trust me.”  you assured him.

You both came out of an alley and into a small courtyard-like space. You brushed off your clothes a little and knocked on a door in the dark brick wall.

A little notch opened up and you whispered the password. the door swung open.

“Hello Love!” The doorman said, “ ‘aven’t seen you ‘round here for a long time!” 

You greeted the man back and made apologies. Presently, you went inside, leading Finn behind you.

Inside was an immaculate ballroom filled with people. Jazz music was pouring from the stage at the far end of the room. But as Finn looked around more, he started thinking that something was off. 

When he realized he froze.

All the people dancing, all the paired up couples, were men. Some dressed lavishly and others in plain working clothes. some with curled mustaches and some with cheeks of rouge and powdered skin.

Finn couldn’t believe his eyes.

He saw for the first time, a pair of men dancing hand in hand with wild smiles on their faces. Laughing, singing along.

Finn couldn’t move, nor could he take his eyes off the sights around him.

He felt your presence next to him, 

“Was i right to bring you here?” You asked.

He turned his head to face you, he was quivering. He looked you in the eyes, eyes that were lined with tears. 

“I had no idea,” He whispered,

“I had no idea there were others.”

Your heart ached for him in a way that only those like them know. You knew what he felt, the wonder, the pain, the confused elation.

You took his hand,

“There are.”

You slowly pulled him to the dance floor.

The music had gotten slower, and the dancing changed to a sort of swaying four-step. 

You took his other hand first, letting him go at his own pace, but soon you were as close as the others on the floor. both of you had a hand on the others waist.

Finn looked around again, at all the other people, eyes all closed and heads close. He turned back to you and moved even closer. He brought his lips up to your ear, 

“Thank you.” He whispered. He kept his cheek at yours, you felt his hands on your back.

He moved his head slowly so he could look at you again, it was such that your foreheads touched. Your heart beat slow, but hard. You whispered

“Can i kiss you?”

His eyes flicked up to yours before looking down again and moving his lips to yours.

It was ever so soft, barely even there. But it was there, and that was beyond anything Finn had ever felt or imagined before. He closed his eyes and kissed harder this time, and from beneath his eyelids came small lines of tears. The release of an unseen, unknown burden that he had carried for so long.

All you felt was warmth. And the ballroom surrounding you disappeared. You were on a different plane of being, the jazz music still crooned, muffled. 

All there was was him, and for him all there was was you.

~~~~

Epilogue

Finn stood outside the opaque glass of the door. And in the irony of psychology, he had never felt more confident about what he was going to do.

He opened the door to Tommy’s office. 

“Hello Finn.” He said from behind the desk, cigarette smoking from his lip.

Finn went right up and took a seat across from his brother. 

“I’m a homosexual.” He declared, his gaze unwavering despite the magnanimity of his previous statement. 

Tommy took the cigarette from between his lips and put it out.

“Well then.” He reached over and grabbed a bottle of whiskey, pouring two glasses and sliding one over to Finn. He took a sip.

“Why are you telling me now?”

“Because I’m in love with (y/n).” He replied casually, taking himself a swig.

Tommy raised his brow, but made no other physical impression of surprise.

“Well then.” He said again.

Finn sat there in the silence of Tommy’s company. Surprised, and at the same time not, at his reaction. 

Tommy got up from his seat and made his was around the desk. Finn stayed where he was. In an act so small, and yet untellingly powerful, tommy placed a hand of finns shoulder, and kept it there.

“How will the others find out?”

They found out at a family meeting a month later, when, a new agenda item was introduced.

For a while after, there was silence. 

John, being john, broke it with,

“Falling for a secretary huh?” he chuckled, “that seems more like something i’d do.”

That lightened the tension. Amid the other items on the list, Finn leaned over to Ada, who sat on his right.

“Tell me,” He asked quietly to her, “did you know?”

She breathed a moment, finding the words to use.

“I knew you had more on your mind than we could ever know.”

Finn looked back ahead, letting her words sink into his mind. Her hand rested on his knee with quiet warmth and reassurance.

~~~~ You waited outside the meeting room until the rest of them filed out. Finn was the last, and when he appeared you gave him a quick peck on the lips, and held his hand, walking together out of the building.

[sophieakatz]

Thursday Thoughts: What I Liked About The New Lion King

I was admittedly harsh on the new “live-action” The Lion King in my last blog post. While I stand by everything I said last week – it is not what I would call a successful adaptation – there were a number of things that I enjoyed about the movie!

Here they are, in no particular order:

Black Casting

For all its benefits, the original Lion King is very white. Do a Google search for “1994 lion king cast” and you’ll see what I mean. Then Google “2019 lion king cast” and feel a little better about life.

In the original film, Young Simba had two voice actors – the speaking voice, Jonathan Taylor Thomas, and the singing voice, Jason Weaver. Thomas, who is white, was on the publicity tours. Weaver, who is black, was not. Weaver isn’t even mentioned in the film’s credits until the “songs” section at the very end, likely after everyone left the theatre (this is before Marvel trained us to wait for after-credits scenes).

In the new film, Young Simba has one voice – JD McCrary – and he’s been publicized as the voice of Simba this whole time. He and Shahadi Wright Joseph (the voice of Young Nala) even showed up for a special performance in Walt Disney World together. This time, the black talent is front and center, rather than hidden.

It Is Photorealistic

Disney Animation was going for photorealism here. They succeeded. You could take a still from this movie and easily mistake it for a nature documentary. Even if I don’t think that this was the right choice for a musical about talking animals, they did succeed in creating a photorealistic Africa.

Along the way, the filmmakers put a lot of work into demonstrating the diversity and interconnectedness of the animal world. Rather than just being told, “when we die, we become the grass,” we see the circle of life in action – as a piece of a lion’s mane is eaten by a giraffe and later rolled up by a dung beetle. Again, not sure if this was the right choice for the story, but they were going for realism, and realism is what they made.

Cute Baby Animals!

Enough said.

The Music

This film’s music works on two levels. The first level is the soundtrack, which is an endless source of nostalgia. Disney clearly recognizes that we have had two decades to build up emotional associations to this music, so they know that all they have to do is play the same song again and we’ll react to it. It works.

The second level is Beyoncé. When I saw the movie, there was a family sitting next to me with a toddler who wasn’t really paying much attention to the movie. But as soon as “Spirit” began to play, this baby started to rock out. She was dancing so much in her seat that she nearly wiggled out of her mother’s arms. And I am so fricking excited for this and every other little girl to grow up knowing this music.

A Little Bit Of Schadenfreude

Multiple adult men left the theatre during Mufasa’s death scene, and I feel a little bad for smiling about it.

It’s okay, dads. You can cry in front of your kids. It’s okay.

No More Ableist Joke Character

Movies, especially animated movies, historically tend to create comedy by inserting a character who is so excessively stupid that they can only be seen as making fun of people with an intellectual disability. Ed the hyena is one such character, with his wonky facial features, lack of dialogue, and incessant clownish laugh.

This time around, Ed does not exist, to the film’s benefit.

SHENZI

Speaking of hyenas – Shenzi is so fricking cool. The moment she appeared on-screen and all the other hyenas took a step backwards, my brain went oh my god, that’s excellent. In the real-world animal kingdom, female hyenas rank higher in the pack than male hyenas, so this is a way that the film uses real animal dynamics to further a character narrative. Shenzi is the “boss hyena,” and she holds her own as a villain just as well as Scar. Her final battle with Nala is also so fricking cool.

Tragedy Tomorrow, Comedy Tonight!

This film really shines with its comedic characters. Billy Eichner and Seth Rogen steal the show as Timon and Pumbaa, bouncing off each other with rapid-fire wit. They were the source of nearly all of my genuine laugh-out-loud moments in the theatre, from “we’re gonna name him Fred” to “the meaningless line of indifference” to the wonderful, wonderful Beauty and the Beast reference.

The rest of my laugh-out-loud moments go to John Oliver, who didn’t so much play Zazu as he played a PG-rated version of John Oliver. “It’s the news!!!”

The Point Is…

Life is a pile of good things and bad things, and so are films, and I contain multitudes.

[snkret-photography]

I Had a Feeling

Let’s level for a second about where I’m at and how we got here:

I just had to force myself to eat food because when my emotions are high, I lose my appetite

My roommate held me while I cried

I had a 3 hour conversation with my ex and it was so cathartic and amazing… until we said goodbye

I’ve been avoiding him for months. More so out of respect than anything. He’s in relationship and I’ve been bouncing in and out of bullshit with men so it’d never look right if I approached. And then I let my guard down and ignored common sense. I had the opportunity to spend time with someone who had the possibility of being in his vicinity and I missed the thought that I should check for his existence before inserting my own. That lived all of 5 minutes which was enough for me to make my round around the room before having to cross back across to go into a room and speak to him. Conversation was great, not really what I want to talk about. We both had a chance to display our maturity and neither missed the mark. While I am constantly striving to improve and reach new levels of growth, I have to take a step back and acknowledge my ability to have that interaction and feel more like a kid being called into the principles office with no choice but to be honest of my offenses than to be the brute who controls the situation. The ability to tuck my H.B.I.C persona into my pants and be humble in a situation in which I was given the option is a testament to my growth that no stranger will ever understand. And he was eloquent, clear and decisive in his points with little flutter. In short, and what I’m building to for the overarching point, he grew into the man I always saw. Someone who has confidence and pride in themselves and their accomplishments without wavering fear of opinion. He likes himself finally and I couldn’t be happier.

But we’re here, on my floor post tears and honestly probably some more on the horizon. I thought I was over him. Thought being the key word here. I mean, I had cried for months and honestly, us breaking up was the best thing for business. I had a total life improvement from business to work to relationships and even establishing myself in the world and to myself post breakup. I wasn’t the greatest boyfriend, but one thing I was, absent of cheating in LA, was committed. At that point we were just avoiding arguments to face the music of the fact we were worn from each other. Today he reminded me of the time I said I’d dump him if he didn’t have a job post-graduation. Considering I had a mid-life crisis around the fact I would no longer be able to provide him the life he desired and I couldn’t find substantive reasoning for the way I had previously been building my life at that time, it hit both from a point of “wow, you’re an ass” and “furthest thing from the truth.” Reminded me of the time I ruined formal for him. Reminded me of the first time he told me he didn’t love me. Reminded me of all the times I let alcohol dictate my need for change as reparations and not precautions. Reminded me of the first time he told me it was his intention to hurt me. Reminded me of the time I had to console him when I was having an emotional issue. Reminded me of the time he cried when I told him how he would have to one day leave me. You could say I had a feeling that one day it was going to have to happen and I knew that I wouldn’t have it in me.

Things I did have a feeling about and was 100% right:

We needed to have a closure conversation when we were both in better places in life

I can’t control how he reacts to my truth and all I can do is explain my point

I shouldn’t have hugged him to say goodbye

The worst week of my life wasn’t the one where we broke up. It was completely devoid of relationships, sorta. So one week I came home during summer break. I had a really rough summer where I had a hard time getting employment, didn’t have income for a lot or quality food, none of my closest friends stayed that summer and I hadn’t been back home since Christmas break. It was towards the end of the summer and it felt like news just kept hitting. Found out a man I considered a father was a scam artist, had wiped my mom’s savings, was forcing women who wanted to be models to be cam models, stealing their money and driving one to the point of attempted suicide, strangely enough the thing that saved their lives. I found all of that out on the drive from the bus depot home. And being in my family, that wasn’t allowed to affect me visibly. Move forward and one of my closest friends discloses to me her rape story. Kicker? I knew the rapist. Cherry on top? I had just unrepressed my own childhood molestation stories. Pretty much spent the week with my dog. He was getting older but he still liked to go on walks and just sat up under me, slept under me. I can earnestly say that many of the times I sank low he picked me up. Also found out that my boss was transferring to the other campus so I was going to have to get used to a whole new supervisor and the fact that my GA position was no longer secured. Dog died the morning after I got back to NY. I went to work the next day because I had no idea how to sulk. I didn’t even fully cry, just shallow panic attacks at the thought that when I hugged him goodbye, it was goodbye. I’ve since unrepressed a lot of things and learned how to cry. Hints we’re here.

That hug felt like goodbye. Not like the revolutionary, end of a war hug. Not like the resolution feels absolute and are on the terms of both parties. It was open-ended. There was still room to bullshit back to your thesis statement before settling on a conclusion. We left with statements of our wishes and our desires. Yet left the power to a party not actually involved in the treaty. I said we need his boyfriend’s permission to cultivate a friendship and have communication. But I know him. I know how he is and how he operates. If he wants to have communication, he will. He’ll overthink it for a while and then he’ll just do it because it’s what he wants to do and no one has control over his life but him. I did what I have done for no previous partner, left a door open. But I still shouldn’t have hugged him for the following analogy:

I am used to God giving me low-hanging fruit. I am used to working hard to get the fruit because it is what I’ve determined I wanted. But when God presents it, He gives me the option to go a little harder and provide more than I originally asked for. This has always taught me to value my goals but understand that better and best for me will always find me. But today, he put me in a room. The walls were familiar. There’s a piece of fruit in the middle. It’s a fruit I never thought I’d happen upon again. It’s a fruit I gave up on and didn’t cherish when I had it. He reminded me that once, I prayed and wished on stars for this particular fruit. And there it was, refined and in better condition than I could remember it. The fruit sat on the floor, no strings, no holes, no gimmicks. Before the fruit was a chair and behind me laid the door I entered through. He said, “do as you please.” Nothing stirred in me. I sat in the chair and looked to the fruit. Understanding both what I gave up and being at my peace with that. God said I could stay in this room as long as I desired. That this particular fruit belonged to no man but had found another tree for shade. When I asked if the fruit once used me as shade, He told me, “no… you used to eat from each other and now the fruit is laid here before you in the form in which you originally found it. In a manner in which you could connect to and digest.” There were no instructions or rules. Just me, a chair in which I sat, the fruit and the door. I sat with the fruit going over it as I previously knew it and coming to understand how it’s distinguished itself since. It wasn’t the same fruit. I wasn’t the same person. We would eat from each other differently. God acknowledged upon my arrival that I could bite the fruit but the fruit could bite back and his tree could grow angry and angering nature can have consequences beyond our understanding. I can attest that a year ago, I would have bit the fruit, burned the tree and scorned the repercussions. I sat in that chair until time winded itself backwards. I put the fruit to my lips, mouth closed just to have its taste on my lips. I put the fruit back where I found it and walked out the door. It followed. God shut the door. He said: “You can return to the fruit when it desires you. The only choice in these matters will be if you answer its call. But it could never call.” I cried when the door didn’t open. I cried when the fruit went another way. I have to let go and let God… He who put me in this situation to begin with. He who knows I live in constant balance of “what if” and now I’m here, angered and with the need to create to distract… to move on… but what if any of the circumstances were different. It doesn’t matter at this point.