#how am i gonna survive through the winter

[oifaaa]

Desperately need one of you "I'd prefer to live in a really cold place then a really hot place" bitches to come swap bodies with me it is only 11°C I have a hot water bottle a blanket and a jumper and I'm still freezing

[threepandas]

Bad End, Hidden Heir: Part 2

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A pounding headache and cave air, that's what I woke up too. The air was being choked, though, by familiar scents. All trying desperately to make the cold, wet, and softly echoing quiet, hospitable. It was nauseating in my current state. Weak and... drugged? Had I been drugged? I certainly hadn't been drunk.

So why did my head hurt so much?

Why did every motion, make my stomach want to rebel?

My limbs felt so WEAK. Heavy and useless. Barely budging when I try to lift them. To rub my head? Adjust the blanket? Sit up? I can't tell. Thinking... thinking is so hard past... the pounding in my head. The fog. I struggle to concentrate. God, that SMELL.

Like a perfume store combined with... with... ugh. Everything!

I could pick out individual scents I knew I liked, on their own, added to the nauseating chaos. My favorite potpourri was there. But so was the one I like for winter? Fall? That one I liked as a kid until I found Mrs. Tianna's blend...

And perfumes! Colognes! The clean products and scents I preferred the maids used. God it... it blended together like a trash heap. As though someone drove a carriage through a perfume shop at speed. Cloying and musk and spice and fruity and-!

I sucked air through my teeth, trying not to smell it, hoping to god I wouldn't TASTE it.

Finally I managed to pry my eyes open. Either hunger or thirst giving my the strength to push past the nauseating pain. I NEEDED to move. Find out what was happening. Survive.

My gaze... met the most elaborate embroidery I had ever seen. Tapestries had less art. Almost to the point of gaudiness. Possibly past it. It was...

It was everything I had ever said I liked.

Too anyone.

Puppies and flowers, history and art, books scenes and more. It kept GOING! Hideous and magnificent. Chaos. Unhinged. Flowing down from above me, along the rest of the curtains, for the canopy bed upon which I rest. So I would be surrounded by it all. Even the blanket... it was a sea of my favorite flowers, made eternal through string.

This wasn't something people just DID. Could just FIND. I could feel my panic under the muting pain and exhaustion. This was the work of YEARS. Obsessive, continuous, YEARS. Some of these threads cost more then certain house hold make in WEEKS! And for what? A secret canopy bed?!

I struggled, body barely able to obey me but trying desperately to assist. The blankets were heavy. The curtain around the bed equally so, thanks to all the embroidery. I.. I manage to roll. Squirm. Wriggle my way, undignified, to the edge. Flop over it and out from under the blanket. Too freedom.

The air is cold.

The scents WORSE out here. Now, I can see why.

It is a museum to all that I am. Every like carefully gathered in one place, every preference. Stacked and shoved together, with no regard for if they fit. Hoarded like a collection.

I can not even tell... if I am sitting, flopped down, on my favorite winter bedside carpet or just an exact copy. My entire life is shoved together and suddenly... suddenly I do not like any of these things at all. They feel dirty. Dangerous. Like they have betrayed me. I want to cry.

But I am nauseous. Hurting. Tired and thirsty. So very hungry dispite it all. I just... I just need to know what's going ON! This isn't... this isn't how the Game goes! Not for Protag-chan. Not for me! I know I changed my "character's" behavior... but...

I... I don't understand...

Try not to cry. It's... it's really hard.

I was right. I'm pretty sure this is the Caves of Spring in the northwest of the Duchy. The offical Heir has an estate near them. The stone looks like the cliffs I'd seen in passing.

Crawling is hard. My legs keep getting tangled in my fucking nightgown. My... my f.. favorite.. nightgown! I'm not gonna cry. Damn it. I'm NOT GONNA CRY. How dare he? How DARE he ruin even that? What did he DO to me!? When I was... was...

No, don't think about it!

Move.

A decanter. Needlessly pretty. I probably loved it as a girl, fresh into this world. Everything was so FANCY and I wasn't used to having money yet. Hadn't developed any real class or taste. It looks so fucking gaudy to me now. But God, it has water. Please... PLEASE let that be water!

I drag myself up on badly shaking limbs. Nothing wants to hold. Wrists buckling, knees giving, legs shaking like a new born lamb. My arms are so weak. But thirst... oh thirst is a powerful motivator.

I force myself to move.

The water is not enough. It is everything. Cold and perfect, I force myself to go slow. To not spill a single drop, as I collapse against the dresser it was placed upon. Letting my eyes explore my cage in the way my poor abused body can not.

There are thick bars buried deep into the bedrock, separating the "room" I'm in from the hall that leads away from it. And it IS a "room". Made in cruel mockery to resemble the luxury of the dukes estate. Perhaps even more aggressively decadent in certain aspects, though that isn't a good thing. It makes it border on a storage room, for how crowded with luxury it has become.

It is the reflection of an unwell mind.

And staring up at the portraits of myself I KNOW I never sat for? The countless sketches pinned up beyond the bars? I am in trouble. I... I should have run. Not sent Creep away. I should have been the one to run. Before it was too late.

I think... I think it might be too late.

Footsteps.

I want to escape. But where can I run? I am caged. I feel close and far away. My head hurts. My body hurts. Everything stinks and I am cold. Why? Why did you do this? The foot steps are calm and commanding. Even. They do not break stride.

I do not bother to watch my hunter approach me. The monster I can not escape.

I close my eyes to spare myself the pounding in my head. Drink more water.

He makes a softly dismayed sound, as though he was not the one to drug me, to leave me here. The door to my cage opens. Closes. Ah... such a heavy lock. Should I be flattered?

Crisp steps, the rustle of fabric.

"My lady, the floor is so dirty! You shouldn't be out of bed yet. I was just about to make you tea."

The AUDACITY.

Tea? TEA! Ha ha! After DRUGGING my tea? He actually expects me to accept a cup from him again?! He truely IS insane, isn't he?

I am scooped up without my consent, unable to so much a truely struggle. Placed gently on a plush chair, a tea table moved in front of me. A familiar cup. My favorite blend. Pretty little snacks laid out deftly on lovely little plates. I grit my teeth. Slowly tip my head up to glare.

He pauses when our eye meet... then shudders, some terrible look of pleasure dancing across his face.

"That's right... look at me~" he whispers, leaning entirely too close. "I'm all that you have now. So you'll HAVE too now! No more others. No more distractions. No more sending me away! People trying to get between us. Trying to take you away. I'm all that you need, My Lady. All you'll EVER need."

"Just look at ME, your loyal dog. And I'll take such good care of you. I promise~♡"

[rachetmath]

Jaune Revenge

Winter: Ruby we found her.

Ruby: Cinder. Everyone it's time.

Yang: Ruby no-

Ruby: I have to stop her. I am the only one.

Jaune: What?

Ruby: It has to be me.

Jaune: Who the hell- who the hell decided that?!

Ruby: She is my problem.

Jaune: I know this- oh hell no she- Ruby!

Ruby: Farewell my friend. I pray that I return.

Jaune: Oh hell-

After a minute what seemed like hours of fighting.

Cinder: Yes finally.

Ruby: *barely catching her breath*

Cinder: After all this time… you finally die Ruby R-

*Boom*

Cinder: *screams in pain*

Ruby: *looks behind her* Jaune. 

Jaune: *throws the gun away and slaps Ruby across her face* The f*** is wrong with you?!

Ruby Ow.

Jaune: You really think I would let you steal my prey? My kill? After all the bull**** that b**** put me through. The f***!

Ruby: Jaune I-

Jaune: I had dreams. Dreams of when I have this b**** in my sights. As her life is now in the palm of my hands. Having her beg for forgiveness has I take what little breath she has from her now feeble hands. Oh God yes… 

Ruby: …. Um

Jaune: And have you learned nothing from your people? Penny? Pyrrha? Alyx?!

Ruby: Whoa Jaune don't be–

Jaune: Stop running off somewhere, prepared to die. We do not do 1 v 1. We jump people. It is the most effective means to win. You are not built for that kind of time. There is no shame in having a squad, especially for enemies.

Ruby: But-

Jaune: Like your uncle, he sucks. He has lost a one-on-one every time since Beacon. Winter, hit him. Tyrian poisoned him. Hazel could have ended his career.  Your uncle needed two other hunters to take Tyrian in. He even required Tyrian to fight Clover. Your uncle isn't about that action. 

Ruby: Well sheesh…

Jaune: Now you excuse me- *pulls out the sword* I will finish this.

Cinder: You weakling. You piece of crap. What are you going to do to me huh? Kill me. Don't make me laugh. You don't have the- *stab in her arm* Ah! *mouths is covered*

Jaune: Oh no Fall maiden, we are just getting started. 

Cinder: *scared*

Nora: Ruby, sorry we’re late but-

Cinder: *screams in agony* My legs! My legs!

RWBY: *shock*

Jaune: Nah-nah we ain't done yet. This is for Pyrrha.*beats Cinder down*

Cinder: *yells in pain* Help me! Help me! Ruby help me! Please!

NERO: *scared*

Jaune This one's for Penny! *Stab Cinder's chest*

Cinder:  *screams*

Jaune: *healing and stabbing Cinder repeatedly* No, you gonna feel this. Yeah. Yeah!!

NPRA: *Summer and Alyx are shocked while Pyrrha and Penny fist pump*

RHAW: *Glad they never met Jaune*

Adam: Oh it was good that I didn't try to fight him on the train.

Hazel: Even though I know I can beat him…. It scares me that he could have a chance of killing me himself. 

Ironwood: Oh so he finally learned. Thank God. 

Clover: Sir please-

Ironwood: We died because of these kids, Clover, I have a right to be like this.

Cinder: No. No. Not my eye. Not my last eye, please! *screams as her eye is pulled out*

Salem: *watching from a far* Oo she will die. Not my problem.

Jaune: *exiles* 

Cinder: *dead* 

Jaune: Finally. And Oscar.

Oscar: Um… yeah-yeah what is it?

Jaune: Are you Ozpin now?

Oscar: N-no. Nope. I'm still here.

Jaune: Your girl. Your problem. I am tired of being the third wheel. The seventh wheel really.

Weiss: I mean -

Jaune: Figure out what you want in life then we'll talk.

Emerald: Oh my God I have maiden powers. I was Cinder’s last thoughts. I-

Jaune: *readies his sword*

Emerald: Jaune-Jaune calm down. We are good. We are good. Best behavior.

Jaune: You damn right b****.

Emerald: Jesus what have you been through on that island?!

Jaune: Isolation is a b****!

Cinder: *in hell and curled up in a ball*

Rogue: How was your freedom as a slave?

Cinder: Shut up. And why are you here?

Hazel: Are you serious? He left you unsupervised, and in a family where you were put through extreme work conditions to survive. 

Adam: You were a slave and the only thing he did was train you. 

Roman: He didn't even get you out. He abandoned you. He is a monster.

[raviollies]

actually no im gonna yap

im trying SO HARD to gaslight myself into liking veilguard but so many narrative choices just make me scratch my head. I AM NOT DONE, I currently gotta go to Weisshaupt.

I'll start with things I like so far:

1. I think the game is really pretty and I like the puzzles :) Antiva is GORGEOUS, I think one of the prettiest areas in the entire series.

2. I really like the Minrathous/Treviso choice. More of that please! some actual drama and consequence!

3. Assan is adorable and I cannot walk past without petting him. I didn't anticipate myself liking Davrin so much since I'm usually drawn to magic babies over warriors, but he's probably my favourite alongside Bellara. I think him having left his clan is very interesting narrative choice (I am totally not biased considering it's very similar to Daee's story)

4. Thank you lord almighty for the wardrobe/mirror system. Godbless.

5. Everytime Lucanis speaks I think of Puss in Boots and that brings me great joy. Whimsy even.

6. When you place Tevinter decor in the lighthouse, they have a Hookah right beside a fresco of Solas killing Mythal and that is mind bogglingly hilarious. I do love that the Shadow dragons know how to unwind. We're turning up after fighting for elf rights.

7. Solas surviving entirely on meat, raisins and honey feels very r/malelivingspace

Things I am Not Liking So Far

1.Minrathous feels utterly toothless. Its described as terrible, den of slavery, conversion therapy through blood magic, treatment of elves being terrible - yet we walk around unimpeded. I expected a similar experience as the Winter Palace, or fights that could be avoided if playing as a human.

LAVELLAN is introduced in the TEVINTER TAVERN, wearing TEVINTER CLOTHING, like it doesn't...make much sense to me? Inquisition set up the cross roads with Morrigan AND the Inquisitior, it feels like it would have made much more sense narratively not just from..."I am the fucking Inquisitor In Fucking Minrathous" but "Solas and the crossroads are a vital connecting point of these characters story."

Speaking of Inquisitor, wildly bizarre to me that neither Solas nor Varric comment on you meeting them. Solas has a weird painting of the Inquisitor chair, but you meet the mf face to face and he just does't acknowledge it. I am not a Solavellan player but I felt Really Bad For Them In That Moment.

I think a good moment of comparison is the difference in tone of DAI and DATV...When we find out the orb is elven in DAI, Solas warns us to keep it to ourselves, with Lavellan even remaking that the world will blame us for Corypheus. In DATV, we inform everyone that Elven gods are attacking, and there's no thought or conversation about the impacts of that on Elves in society. The only one to mention it is Davrin way after we've been spilling the beans left and right.

2. I'm not done the story but hey has anyone mentioned we haven't fought a single Fen'Harel agent, what's up with that... I expected to be fighting Elves based on the epilogue in Tresspasser but ?? ???

3. I'm sorry I HATE THEM DISREGARDING THE WELL OF SORROWS IN FAVOUR OF MORRIGAN WHEN SOLAS MAKES A HUGE DEAL OF YOU BEING TIED TO MYTHAL IF YOU DRANK FROM THE WELL. Oh sorry, if it was unimportant then why the fuck did you go on a monologue about how you're "her creature" and connected to her. It felt like a retcon of the importance placed on it in Inquisition and how much of a deal both Solas AND Morrigan make about it. I'm sorry picking a ROMANCE was more important than acknowledging THIS?? ? ??

"But Ravie, they can't account for Inquisitors personality and making them important would piss people off" then just kill them off. If they're set on Morrigan carrying this piece of narrative, I would have written the Inquisitor off the table before the choice becomes relevant. Have them help you in the ritual at the start of the game and die. I feel similarly about Varric, because he feels like the writers stuffed him in the closet to not talk which just...JUST KILL HIM. Its better than being relegated to furniture!!!!

3. Speaking of Morrigan why the hell is so nice. This is not my beautiful mean witch wife. In fact everyone is nice. Even hardened Lucanis has been polite to me.

4. I HAVE A BONE TO PICK WITH ROOK. I profoundly hate starting off friends with Varric (and him getting shelved like what was the point). It ruins a lot of initial RP for character establishment, because it limits how the player character FEELs about the whole thing, your motivations are GIVEN to you. Furthermore, it feels like rook HAS an established character. I don't feel like I got to play my rook, just say things slightly differently based on an already established character. I dont feel like I am roleplaying a custom character, just as Biowares stand in protagonist. Maybe I'm just spoiled by the level of interaction that BG3 provided me.

The opening sequence is bizarre to me, because IF I MAKING THE STORY....I would have had the introductory quests for each of the companions be the first quest based on the faction you select (Shadow dragons with Neve, Mournwatch with Emmerich, Crows with Lucanis etc. etc.) That way you establish your character based on the faction and immediately get a little tutorial on what kind of character you're going to be playing. I would even keep the introductory quests the same with minor dialogue tweaks. The ritual would come after the tutorial prologue mission and then you start with Harding and the companion you got introduced with, since the order you get them...really doesn't matter or impact anything.

5. I think the Venatori and Antaam following Elven Mage Gods is kinda dumb. Sorry. I thought they both looked down on them for being either Elves or Mages/didn't even acknowledge them. What the hell is their goal anyway

My criticisms comes down to...I don't know what themes the game is trying to tackle? The game SAYS things but doesn't actually do anything with these topics. Minrathous HAS a slavery problem but we don't see it. Treviso is ruled by a faction of assassins but it's like a good thing! Elven gods are responsible for everything wrong in the world, but the narrative implications of what that means for modern elves are acknowledged in passing like acknowledging the weather. The game feels hesitant to actually unpack any of these things despite being the one to put them on the table.

Anyway I am going to finish the game and probably play on Daee with a Solavellan Inquisitor to see if that improves my experience by picking a character who is more tailored to the Rook they portray/not having an emotional connection to the Inky, but atm...Man I Had Hopes. Made me feel stupid for getting so hyped up for a conclusion to a story arc for a character THEY SPECIFICALLY LEFT ON A CLIFFHANGER FOR A DECADE. I'll just draw art, lie face down in the ground and imagine a more narratively satisfying conclusion to my Inquisitors story.

[radioisntdead]

I need to see it immediately.

Where is Susan, our grandmother, and we are her grandson/granddaughter

Give this woman love!!! 💗💗

What sweet nonsense is where the reader spends time with his grandmother

Good evening my dear! I am SO GLAD Y'ALL WANT SUSAN CONTENT LIKE I DO, I ADORE Susan, I think this counts as a drabble? Anyways I added a sprinkle of angst, definitely differs from my Susan & child/nibling reader headcanons but we're not gonna talk about that, anyways I hope you enjoy!

Grandma Susan

Warnings!

Cannibalism, and Susan

Down in Cannibal town lived a pair of a cranky old lady and her grandchild,

Her old lady babysitting may or may not have been picked up off the streets grandchild,

You see your grandmama Susan was a MENACE TO SOCIETY, to be fair she earned it, she went through life in the 1800's but that's not an excuse for her smacking people she didn't like with her cane, or cursing them out,

the majority of the cannibal town residents were excused, as they were a tight knit community and Susan was, somehow, respected

only a few unlucky cannibalistic souls were smacked harshly with the cane.

You were dubbed the Susan handler at some point by Rosie so whenever Susan was Susan-ing you were called to calm down your dearest grandmama, it did come with the risk of getting gently smacked with the cane but you didn't particularly mind it, the most you said to do was calm her down and offer to get her some tea and pray that she would quit cursing at random overlords and the princess of hell.

But caring for your elderly grandmama wasn't all chaos and fearing for her life, you did have bonding moments, such as now, your grandmother much like many old people liked knitting, mainly because she could stab someone with the needles if needed, you on the other hand preferred crochet. [Spreading my crochet propaganda]

It was days like this you adored, acidic rain pouring outside, the radio playing some type of classical music, you sat cozily in the couch listening to your meemaw Susan ramble on about kids these days and how back in her day they were more respectful or whatever, or maybe drop lore about how she was involved in supporting woman's rights movements from the shadows, maybe how when she was alive she did this or that while she knitted a throw pillow,

You'd get her nagging at you about how you should hurry up and get hitched, although she didn't approve of anyone for her dear grandchild, secretly afraid of the day you would finally grow up and move away from her, leaving her alone, sure she had the cannibals but they weren't her beloved grandchild,

She'd never tell you that though, but you knew, after all you were closest to her, and frankly you weren't planning on leaving her anytime soon, even if you did you wouldn't go far.

Or the days where you'd cook together bonding over her teaching you how to make cannibal meat loaf, or you grilling a sinner thigh during the summertime outside, with Susan under an umbrella going on about something.

Specifically winter holidays of gifting your Nana Susan something you made like a blanket or something you saved up for like a parasol,

She'd make a comment about it but would use it all the time, after all actions speak louder the words,

She'd give you something expensive that you mentioned in passing about liking, waving off your excitement by saying she got it last minute like it hadn't been hidden in her woredrob for the past two months.

Birthdays with her were bittersweet, they were a sign that you had survived another year in this hell, that you both were growing older and older, how long it had it been since you were alive? You'd bake her favorite cake, pick up pinkie fingers, and get her something nice,

She'd order a cake for you, cursing at the poor employee to make it perfect for her grandchild, she'd buy you a set of pearls or some type of jewelry.

You'd sit down Infront of her rocking chair and place a brush in her hands asking her to brush your hair, no matter the length {unless your bald then I guess she's brushing your scalp? With a soft brush}

You curled into her arms, it was after the extermination, Many Cannibals were lost, friends you had known for ages gone just like that, she couldn't say anything, no snappy comment, no words of comfort, she could only watch as you sobbed into her, the only thing she could do was pat your back until you were smoothed to sleep.

You woke up the next day with warm soup on the stove and a blanket on you with Susan snoozing away on her old wooden rocking chair.

Actions speak far louder then words.

Your grandmother was cranky, grumpy, had zero fear towards death, she cursed like a sailor and she had a soft spot for you,

And you wouldn't have it any other way.

SUSAN SUPREMACY, also I switched around calling her Nana and Meemaw Susan because she wouldn't have just the classic grandma Susan,

Anyways I got one more Susan request and part two of Eldritch horror reader coming up so tune on in for that! Have a wonderful evening everyone!

[daffodilfool]

Music and Intelligence

i made a followup / correction of this post

go read that instead, please I worked so fucking hard on it and people are STILL flocking to this version

I'm gonna preface this by saying I am by no means a professional biologist, I am just a biology student who nerds out about art and biology sharing an interesting thought I had this morning.

We don't know where music comes from. That is the very disappointing answer I got to a very interesting question I had this morning. The best answer science can come up with is ...eh, it's kind of just an evolutionary hiccup that developed out of nowhere.

I don't buy it.

Hypothesis: Music isn't an evolutionary hiccup but actually an integral aspect to developing sapience.

Think about this: One of the very first things we'll hear as human beings both now as we're born and in the ages past when we first evolved is birdsong. We associate birdsong with two very important things:

Winter has passed.

Dawn has broken.

Both of these give us a lot of valuable information like it is no longer dark, it is no longer cold, it is no longer dangerous, it is safe.

Early hominids with the ability to correctly identify birdsong and associate it with safety would thus be at great evolutionary advantage as they would be much more likely to survive the winter and the night, but that ability requires 3 major steps:

The ability to pick out distinct rhythms and melodies to correctly identify something as birdsong.

The ability to correlate said birdsong to the idea of the sun coming out.

The ability to make said connection through an abstract emotional response.

In other words, it requires pattern recognition, problem solving and complex emotion. Sapience. Music is not a coincidental fluke byproduct of sapience, it is the catalyst for developing sapience.

Granted this is largely speculation on my part; there's nothing I can do to prove that this is why our sapience evolved.

However.

We are not the only sapient life on earth, there are others, some debated, some not. Besides us there are dolphins, whales, corvids, parrots and elephants, and do you know what we all have in common? We deliberately communicate through melodic and rhythmic sounds, and we derive a particular pleasure from doing so. We all enjoy music.

If music was an evolutionary fluke in our development, how come it's a commonality among all sapient life? There are many animals that sing to mate and sing to intimidate and yet they lack any signs of sapience, but the ones that sing just because they can all happen to be the most intelligent creatures on earth.

Food for thought.

[i-am-beckyu]

One Small Gift

HELLO! I TOLD YOU I'D POST ONE MORE FIC THIS YEAR! And I am very proud of myself for making it a Christmas centered fic! I can't believe it's actually been a year since I last posted a Christmas fic. Like where did the time go and how did this thing spawn?

I'm gonna ramble a bit more at the bottom of this fic about me and the community but lets not hold you up any longer so I give you: The Christmas Fic- One Small Gift :3

cw: fear, death mention (but no actual death), lying, panic and anxiety, fluff- Like, ALOT of Fluff, hidden identity and of course happy endings. You know, the usual angst/fluffy Beckyu fic :3 word count: 8351

Disclaimer! This story is based on the characters of the Dream SMP and not the real life content creators. Anything that occurs in this story is purely fiction and should be treated as such. Thank you.

.｡❅*⋆⍋*∞*｡*∞*⍋⋆*❅｡.

Cold

Why did the walls always have to be so damn cold? 

Tommy’s mind couldn’t help but linger on the thought, as the Borrower shivered making his way through the maze that was the inside the house walls.

Human Beans invented heaters AGES ago for the insides of their houses to keep warm, so how was it that the inside of the walls were still always so flippen freezing? 

Would it kill them to think of the little guy freezing their butt off just once?

Well no, maybe not. But it certainly would Tommy. 

As much as the young blonde would love to cuss at the home owner for not giving him a proper source of heat, the Borrowers code quite literally FORBID them from ever telling a Human of their existence. Not to forget the fact that it would mean doom for a borrower if they ever did. All the horror stories of Borrowers being squished or experimented on from the elders to go off being proof enough.

Death by Human Beans?

HA! Absolutely NOT!

That’s exactly the reason why he is trying to get supplies for the Winter to warm himself up, before it gets even colder! 

Tommy grumbled to himself as he ducked and weaved past forgotten cobwebs about how it was such a pain to be in this position in the first place. He’d had a perfectly fine home in a tree nook in the forest that had always remained nice and cosy warm during the colder months. 

Even if that meant he’d been living on his own, Tommy had been happy living as an Outie borrower for as long as he could remember. Well at least he had, before some tall, pretentious brunette freak decided his home would be the perfect tree to cut down and drag all the way back to his stupid freezing cold house. 

But it gets better, because even though the main part of his home was actually still intact under the now stump, the Bean still took the top half of the tree- 

With Tommy still inside it! 

They flippen took HIS house and wrapped it in a net; effectively trapping the poor borrower and then strapped it to the top of their car and drove hours and hours to a Human Town with him hanging on for dear life.

And that’s not even the worst part because not only did the flippen Bean steal part of his house, but then they had the audacity to cover the tree's dying corpse in fancy decorations and shining lights. 

Like seriously WTF?!

A Bean kidnaps him from the only place he’s ever really known and covers his once thriving residence all merrily in ornaments, while he’s forced to flee his only real known place of safety with nothing but the clothes on his back, and the few supplies he did have stored in the upper levels of his now dying home. He hadn’t wanted to leave, but it was the only choice he really had. 

Stay in the tree and get caught, or try and survive in the Beans' walls until Winter passes.

He chose the latter of course- (It’s not like staying would have helped him anyways) 

Getting down from the top of the tree had been, well- less than a fun time for the Borrower. The big purple bruises across his back were a throbbing reminder from his impact on the floor at times, but he managed. 

Instead, Tommy had started to navigate his temporary ‘soon to be home’ in the walls getting an idea of the layout and where the best places were to borrow from. He just had to make it through the Winter and then he could go home. Trying to get back to his nook now would be impossible with all the snow cover on the ground, but he’d get back to the forest even if it killed him.

Which might be the case soon if he doesn’t get some new clothes and heat source quick.

That was the main issue with being kidnapped after all. You only have what’s on your back and well, Tommy hadn’t exactly been expecting to get yoinked away in his scrappy T-Shirt and shorts. He had proudly made them himself with the few scraps of fabric he’d managed to find from some Beans that had been passing through years ago on a camping trip, but the fabric was light, and not made to be worn in such cold conditions. 

He’d only meant to go up and check what the heck the loud thumping outside his tree was like any normal person. He was expecting a deer or maybe a bear using it as a scratching post, not a Bean cutting their house down and taking him along with it. You don’t exactly have time to think about putting on proper clothing when your everything is at stake.

So that was step one: Find some material and make some clothes- a jacket the top priority.

Tommy is very thankful that he had his borrowing bag on him, that he still has his self made needle and some old thread so he at least didn’t have to start from nothing. Finding the material hadn’t been too difficult to locate either. When he first scouted the place, he discovered pretty quickly that the Bean had a habit of leaving stuff all over the place, so borrowing supplies hadn’t been difficult to do without being noticed. It’s how he found the most perfect fluffy woollen red sock to make a coat and blanket from. He would already have it now though if the Bean hadn’t come back before he could swipe it.

The Borrower had tried to come back for it later, but the Bean had decided it was time to clean their room up because he had some guests coming for this thing called ‘Chris-mass’- whatever that was- and the sock was gone.

So instead he grabbed what he could and made his way back to the walls with just enough fabric to make a new pair of pants and some crackers for dinner.

But it still didn’t fix the whole freezing situation.

What Tommy really needed was a candle. 

To a Human Bean it may seem to be an insignificant source of light, but to a Borrower it could literally be the difference between a warm nights sleep and becoming a Borrower popsicle! But that was easier said then done because all the usual spots Beans would normally keep candles, were replaced with flippen electric ones!!!! 

What’s wrong with fire on candles!? Why would you want a fake candle that just flickers and produces less light than a real one?

That or something for a bed. At least that way he’d have a comfortable place to sleep and trap his own body heat.

He really wishes he could have taken those socks…

As if this Bean wasn’t bad enough, not only did they lack the materials Tommy so desperately needed, but they wouldn’t shut up talking into the black box (a fone he thinks it’s called from memory) to other Beans with how excited they were about them coming to stay for the Hole-lid-days and spend time huddled together by the fire or something dumb. 

“Come on Dad! Let me host. If you let me host, I’ve got the coolest surprise planned for you and Techno I swear!! Plus don’t you want to come and see me?” 

Lucky prick. Got a Dad and a brother…

Now don’t get him wrong, Tommy is a big man, if not the biggest man to ever exist and he doesn’t need anyone. But he also couldn’t help but long for someone to share the cold season with like the Beans did. It had been so long since he’d seen another Borrower like himself and though he’d never admit it, living alone did get a little bit lonely sometimes. It would be nice if just once he could share a night cuddled up close to a loved one, and just bask in each other’s company. 

But Tommy didn’t have time to be sentimental about things he’d likely never have.

He needed to find a way to stay warm and get warm now.

But the universe decidedly hated Tommy because, tonight was apparently December 24th-

Chrisymiss Eve.

Tommy had been here about a week or so and in his short stay still wasn’t 100% sure what this whole Khrislermas was, but it appeared to be a BIG deal to the Beans. 

Apparently, all the Beans get together whether it’s family or friends to spend time together and exchange gifts. It’s about being thankful for what you have or whatever and something about showing how much you love someone by giving and receiving presents. 

Tommy thought it was actually quite a nice thing the Beans did and wished that Borrowers had something similar themselves in their culture. However, there was one thing he still didn’t quite understand about this whole holiday thing.

Who the heck is Santa Claus?

He’d been taking some more crackers the Bean had left out from the kitchen while this ‘tv show’ played on the Bean's big Black box that was talking about this Santa guy. Apparently, he was some elusive, big fat man, dressed all in red with a big white bushy beard, who climbed down the Beans chimneys, and left gifts for all the little boys and girls of the world. He had this list too that knew if you’d been naughty or nice and would leave the good children gifts and the bad children coal in their stockings. 

Children could write letters to Santa or he’d visit and children could sit on his knee and ask him for a gift they would like and he would deliver the toys to children all over the world on Christmas eve when everyone was sleeping, only to have disappeared by daybreak.

Tommy hadn’t thought much of this Santa at first- not when it was just another Bean to avoid. That was until he learned two very important details.

1- Santa delivered presents to ALL children of the world. 

And 2- Santa wasn’t meant to be seen by Humans either.

So not only did this Santa guy literally just give out free gifts, but Tommy literally had a way to get exactly what he needed for the winter!

All he needed to do was talk to Santa and he’d be saved! 

Now you might be thinking: But Tommy, you said it yourself. Santa isn’t meant to be seen by anyone so what makes you the exception? 

Simple.

Borrowers aren’t meant to be seen by Beans and neither is Santa.

Which means just like Borrowers, Santa must not want to be caught (which if he thinks too hard about it makes sense since he literally breaks into houses but anyways) and unlike with Beans, there is no rule that says Borrowers can’t see Santa!

All he has to do is wait for Santa to visit Crystamas eve, and then he can ask for his gift! Santa probably even knows what he wants, being made of magic and all! He just never knew Santa existed so he’s never asked for his gift before! 

If he were a more greedy Borrower, he could ask for so much more to make up for all the years he never got a gift, but that would probably put him on Santa’s naughty list. And while coal would be good, Tommy doesn’t exactly want to burn the house down with him inside it. So this was his best shot to get exactly what he needed. 

The hard bit though, was waiting for Santa to arrive. That meant not only having to be out in the living room where the fireplace was, but also meant he had to wait for the Bean to fall asleep. Which really meant that it would be AGES before Santa would come because the Bean of the house was terrible at sleeping at night. 

The man literally had no sleep schedule and would stay up till terrible times in the morning before drifting off. Normally that wasn’t much of an issue for the Borrower having observed this early on, but right now it was very much a hindrance because it could be hours before they went to bed. 

It also seemed that they wouldn’t be sleeping anytime soon, because the amount of energy and excitement the Bean had displayed the whole day about his family coming home was overwhelming. He’d come home at one stage with this big bag of stuff talking on the black box about how his super cool surprise was coming along and how it would be awesome since they let him host Chrimpmas- whatever that meant. 

Tommy had hoped with the excitement of the holiday they’d have been ready to pass out by now, but he couldn’t be more wrong with the amount of commotion he could hear from down the hall- and that’s through the walls. 

At least he could observe everything going on from his place on the bookshelf. It was right next to a small crack in the wall he could just squeeze through, but it gave him a good view of the living room but also enough cover from prying eyes unless he made his presence known. However, being out of the walls had one difference the blonde hadn’t accounted for.

Heat.

The fire had been lit and was keeping the whole room nice and toasty warm compared to the harsh bite the walls somehow managed to keep. The whole atmosphere made him almost want to curl up and fall asleep. It had been so long since he’d been able to just enjoy the warmth in the air and not be shivering to keep alive.

Perhaps it wouldn’t hurt if he had a nap before Santa arrived.

Just a quick one….

.｡❅*⋆⍋*∞*｡*∞*⍋⋆*❅｡.

Tommy was awoken to a rather loud THUNK as the Borrower shot up from where he had fallen asleep atop the shelf. 

It took the blonde a moment to realise where he was and not panic about being out in the open before his eyes settled upon a figure. 

Sprawled out across the floor in a heap of red and white was the jolly big man himself.

Santa Claus.

The one and only.

“Santa!” Tommy yelled excitedly as he hurriedly manoeuvred to stand. “Santa you came!”

Santa’s head snapped up from the floor alarmed, as they pushed themselves to stand and take a defensive stance.

“Who said that?!” they shouted, looking around wildly panicked. “Show yourself!”

Tommy giggled to himself. Santa was so silly. 

“Up here Santa! I’ve been waiting for you.” The blonde waved as the man's head turned and their eyes fell onto his small form. 

Tommy grinned at the magical man taking him all in. 

Just like the figure on the big black box, Santa wore a big red coat with white fluff lining the ends of his sleeves. A big black belt was strapped around their waist, fastened with a fancy golden buckle and sturdy black boots on their feet to keep out the snow. Their head was adorned with an oversized big red hat, with a giant white fluffy pom pom on the end, and they had a long white beard that travelled down their chest. And last but not least was a pair of gold rimmed glasses perched on the tip of their rosy red nose which accentuated their big brown eyes that were staring at him in wonder. 

Huh. 

He could have sworn that Santa's eyes were blue.

“I can’t believe you came! I wasn’t sure if you would since I never sent a letter but you must have known anyway cause here you are!” The little borrower stated excitedly as Santa removed his glasses, and rubbed his eyes in disbelief. 

“I’m so glad you’re here! I really need my Crimpmess present.” 

“I’m sorry you’re what?” the man’s eyes furrowed in confusion as they processed what the younger had said.

“My present!.” Tommy rolled his eyes. “You know, the whole reason why you’re here.”

Santa didn’t exactly seem like he knew what was going on. Right now all he was doing was staring and Tommy was getting a bit annoyed. 

Was that not why Santa was here? To deliver his present like the show had said?

Tommy huffed annoyed he had to explain all this. Wasn’t this like his job? He should know!

“I’m sorry,” Santa began slowly as if trying to process. “I didn’t actually know you were here.”

“Why else would you have come then?” Tommy crossed his arms unimpressed. “I’m the only kid here, but don’t tell anyone else I said that. I’m a big man! The biggest ever!”

This finally seemed to warrant a different reaction from the older, as they looked the boy up and down unimpressed by this so-called ‘fact’.

“A big man huh? You look more like a child. What are you- 12?”

Tommy feigned a gasp, grasping his chest offendedly. “I’ll have you know I’m 14 and the biggest man alive! I’m only a child for the purpose of getting my gift tonight and tonight only!”

Santa couldn’t stifle a laugh as he watched as the small child stomped his foot in a mini tantrum at being called 12. It was endearing in a way but he still wasn’t sure how to proceed with a tiny child standing on their bookshelf.

“Well whatever you say I guess, but I still I didn’t know you were here.”

The blonde shrugged before moving closer to the shelfs edge. “Ah well it doesn’t matter. You’re here now so I’d like my gift please! You have it right?” 

“If I didn’t know you were here, then how would I have your present with me?” Santa asked.

Well he did make a good point. It’s not like he sent Santa a letter and he hadn't met him to tell him like other human bean children had until now. 

“Oh right. Guess I better come sit on your knee and tell you what I’d like than.” Tommy stated matter of factly, as the small Borrower moved to the edge of the shelf and stabbed his hook into the wood, quickly jumping off to descend on his rope to the ground.

“Wait, DON’T DO THAT!” 

The blonde yelped in surprise, moving instinctually to protect his ears at the sheer volume the man shouted, in turn losing his grip on his rope, quickly plummeting down to the ground below. Santa lunged forward with an outstretched hand as the boy slipped down the rope at a rapid speed, catching him before any real harm could be done. He semi slammed into the wall, clutching his hand to his chest as they did so before quickly unfurling their hand.

“Oh my prime! Kid- kid are you alright?” Santa said frantically checking over the boy he now held in his palm. 

Tommy shook his head, dizzy from the sudden force that had rammed into him only moments ago. He tried to steady himself grabbing, onto the nearest thing his hand could find as he begun to regain his bearings.

Oh he was going to ache tomorrow…

“As soon as the world stops spinning, yeah.”

Santa sighed in relief as Tommy allowed himself to regain focus. It was then that he really took note of where he was. 

Normally, if a Borrower was sitting in the hand of someone almost 100x his size, he would be kicking and screeching to get away. But this was Santa Claus’s hand and Tommy felt only wonder. 

It was like nothing he’d ever experienced before. The thing he had grabbed onto was apparently Santa’s thumb and it was almost as big as his head! Even if it was a bit weird sitting on the leathery texture of their skin, the warmth radiating beneath him was heavenly, and the way the man’s fingers curled slightly over him protectively felt nothing but comforting. 

Santa hadn’t moved since he caught Tommy mid air, and was staring at Tommy as if they would disappear. They seemed stuck on what to do next, but also amazed he was sitting there at all.

“You alright there big man?” Tommy raised a brow confused at why the man would act this way. Santa was literally made of magic and had flying reindeer for goodness sake! A borrower existing surely was no cause for such amazement? There were surely way more interesting magical things to see than a lowly Borrower like him. 

(But then again, he was a pretty poggers Borrower if he did so say that himself, so staring could be justified for that reason)

This finally snapped the old man out of their wondrous stupor, as they squinted their eyes open and shut with a quick shake of their head. 

“Uh yep. All good um. Let's- go sit down. Yeah- yeah, let's do that.” Santa said, confirming more to themself than Tommy.

Santa brought the boy protectively to their chest to brace them before they moved away from the book shelf, smoothly walking over to the couch where the old man sat down ever so slowly to not jostle their small passenger. The second they were bending down to sit though, Tommy was launching himself off Santa’s palm for his knee as the bearded man frantically tried to stop them in their escapade.

“Kid, would you stop doing that? You’re going to hurt yourself!”

“Pfft please. This is nothing compared to how I got down from that tree over there.” The boy grinned as they pointed to the far corner of the living room.

The man's head followed to where the boy was pointing, the Christmas tree displayed proudly in a large pot tied with a red bow, small lights flickering on and off in changing patterns.

“Tree? You mean the Christmas tree?”

“Yep!” Tommy stood proudly popping the p. “I had to get down somehow and my hook would have gotten stuck in amongst the branches if I had tried to abseil down. So I did what any logical Borrower would do and jumped.”

“You jumped?!” Santa’s eyes widened, as he looked back and forth between the boy and the top of the brightly decorated tree. He grimaced, imagining the boy throwing themselves from the upper branches like they had done only moments before onto his knee. 

What was with this kid and being so reckless?!

“You jumped from the top of the Christmas tree!? Why were you even there in the first place?”

Tommy rolled his eyes, crossing their arms in front of their chest. 

“It’s all that stupid Beans fault.”He huffed annoyed. “He just came waltzing into MY forest, decided to be very rude and put their grubby hands all over MY house wrapping it up in some ugly net, only to cut it down with me still in it!”

Tommy didn’t notice the way Santa’s brows furrowed and their expression changed to one of horror as he continued to ramble on.

“They literally kidnapped me, Santa! They’re so lucky that the main part of my house is under the tree’s trunk and not the higher branches because I swear I would have murdered that Bean in their sleep by now if they had!”

Tommy was very pleased to have finally gotten to vent some of his frustrations to someone other than his internal self, but now he was finished he had a good chance to register the other’s reaction.

Santa looked horrified.

His eyes seemed glossed over as if he was holding back tears, and one hand slapped over their mouth, the other gripping their wrist tightly in an attempt to ground themselves. 

Uh shit. He hadn’t meant for that to happen…

“Uh but don’t worry Santa!” Tommy was quick to add. “ I wouldn’t actually do that. That would be a bad thing to do and put me on the Naughty list! I promise I won’t actually murder anyone!” 

Phew, that was a close one. He couldn’t jeopardise his only hope with a silly joke!

Santas’ face had yet to change and Tommy subconsciously started to fidget feeling nervous to how the older was reacting. Maybe he had blown it and now he was on the naughty list. Another glance at the old man's face seemed to confirm those fears.

He’d blown it.

His one shot at survival and he practically threw it all away with a vent. No wonder he ended up all alone.

“Please don’t put me on the Naughty list Santa. I need my gift.” Tommy spoke timidly. “I didn’t mean it.”

“I- no. No you’re not on the Naughty list.” Santa dragged his hands over his eyes a few times strained. “I'm just trying to process. It’s more of the whole kidnapping thing. ” 

If Tommy had been paying better attention, he may have noticed the few stray brown curls poking out from under the man's hat, but he was more thrown by their following question as the magical man continued on.

“If you were in the tree, why didn’t you say anything?”

Tommy drew a deep breath, before sighing as the boy shoved his hands into his pockets.

“Because Santa, Beans aren’t supposed to know that Borrowers like me even exist.”

“Beans?”

“Human Beans Santa. You know, big people like you, but not magical and stuff.” The Borrower explained. “There’s no way I could tell the dumb Bean he was cutting my house down! Do you know what Beans do to Borrowers like me?” 

“Um no?” Santa fiddled with his hands as he looked away, eyes downcast to avoid the youngers gaze as they continued.

“They get rid of us. To them we’re just pests or things to be used.”

Tommy hugged himself tightly, anxiety pooling in his chest for the first time that night. He wished it wasn’t true, but Beans just held far too much power for their own good. Their greed often outweighing their need to do good without reward. 

“I’d rather risk jumping out of a tree than ever fall into the clutches of a Bean.” 

“But how do you know that?” Santa suddenly said, muscles tensing as they clenched their hand into fists. 

Tommy flinched at the sight of hands so close. Closed so tightly that he couldn’t help let slip the thought of himself in the mercy of their grasp, begging to be freed like all the stories had said of the Borrowers trapped in agonising pain. The man noticed his discomfort, and immediately loosened their fists, moving their hands away and under their thighs so as to not startle the boy any further than they already had.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” Santa said with a sense of guilt.  “But I just- How do you know that though? Who says that they would have hurt you if you had just made your presence known? You wouldn’t have had to jump or gotten hurt.”

Santa turned away sheepishly, whispering sadly. “They could have helped you.” 

Tommy swallowed hard, his shoulders sagging as he observed the sad look Santa had as they stared at the Christmas tree. It was obvious they were blaming themself for what had happened. He was far too kind for that.

“Santa, it’s not your fault.” the boy sighed, “Every borrower is taught this from birth. It’s a known fact that Beans are all cruel, power hungry beings. They always want more and just take, take, take.”  

“But what if this ‘Bean’ didn’t know.” Santa shot back, causing the Borrower to falter. “What if you had said something? They would have stopped and left you and your house alone? How do you know they wouldn’t have helped you?”

“Because Santa,” Tommy turned and faced the man head on. “That’s just how Beans are. To them, we're just another thing to take and control.” 

Tommy wanted to believe Santa, he really did, but it was hard to just ignore years of being brought up to beware Human Beans and their cruelty. He’d seen it even from when Beans had once come into the forest with their fire sticks, and took down a friendly deer. It was unnecessarily cruel and was all the convincing Tommy needed to deem all Humans bad.

Santa nodded sadly in some kind of understanding, but Tommy couldn’t understand why Santa looked so hurt. It wasn’t his fault the Bean took him and his home, but he seemed so convinced that hiding and not asking for help had been the wrong thing to do. 

He thought they were the same, that if Beans caught him on Christmas Eve, then something bad would happen to him like it would for Borrowers. That’s why they had to stay a secret. Why no one could know they were here. 

But Santa wasn’t a Borrower who lived in hiding unknown. The Beans knew about the jolly, present giving man that only appeared in December. 

He could live among the Beans and it would be fine if he asked for help. Everyone liked Santa. He didn’t take things just to survive. He gave toys and gifts so he would have no worries about the repercussions of taking a paperclip just to get around. He wouldn’t have to worry about Beans hurting him if something went wrong. He would just use his magic and be fine.

It was Santa’s choice to stay hidden as an extra precaution to protect that same magic. 

“But you’re different from the Beans Santa.” The boy perked up instantly remembering why he was doing this in the first place. “You only come out of hiding at Christmas and everyone knows who you are! You only hide to keep your magic safe from Beans so they can’t have that too!” 

The man gave a small smile as the boy continued to ramble, pacing back and forth on his thigh as he did so.

“But I don’t understand why you give children presents when they already have so much!” Tommy stopped, his lips pursed together as his voice dropped to a whisper.

“Unlike me.” He confessed quietly, lifting his head to meet Santa’s sympathetic gaze. 

Santa was staring at the young boy again, leaned forward in concern listening as the blonde  continued to share his story.

“It's why I need my gift Santa.” Tommy wringed his hands together with a nervous glance to see Santa’s reaction who nodded in approval, gesturing for him to continue. 

Tommy steadied himself.

Now or never.

“I was brought here with basically nothing. Forced to move into the Beans walls or risk being seen. I’ve barely been able to get anything for basic survival and the walls are freezing!” 

Tommy shivered remembering the way the air had nipped at his nose as he struggled to keep warm. Clutching himself tightly in a poor attempt to retain any kind of body heat. The one time he went up stairs without his coat and of course he gets kidnapped.

He needed this. 

More than anything.

.｡❅*⋆⍋*∞*｡*∞*⍋⋆*❅｡.

Wilbur had just wanted to have the perfect Christmas.

It was his first time hosting and had decided he HAD to go all out.

More decorations than his little house needed both inside and out, homemade hot chocolate from scratch and had promised his Father and brother a very special Christmas surprise if they let him host.

Their first ever living Christmas tree and a surprise visit from the Big man himself- Santa Claus.

He’d done a bunch or research into the best spots to go where he could get a tree and quickly had been recommended from several sites about the fir trees in Logstedshire, and quickly made the trip out to find a tree.

What the websites failed to mention, was that said fir trees might be inhabited and the home of tiny people that are terrified of Human Beings. 

So if you asked: No, Wilbur was not having a good night realising he had kidnapped a child that was deathly afraid of him and only okay right now because he thought he was the real Santa Claus. 

In a way, it was a good thing the kid hadn’t realised yet, because if Wilbur had never dressed up in this silly costume, he probably would have never known about the child freezing to death in his walls.

The child was so cold despite their lively spirit when he’d caught them after they launched themself off the top of the shelf. The fact it wasn’t the first time they’d thrown themself from such a height made Wilbur sick knowing had they not been lucky, could very well not have made the long fall. But the fact the kid had been struggling, terrified and afraid in his walls when he could have helped had the guilt eating him away as the boy rambled on.

They were so sure of themselves with the cruelty of humanity too that they had him so on edge. If the blonde knew he was really the guy that had cut his tree down, he very much doubted they would be this enthusiastic. He was talking about how much he needed his gift- the gift he still had no clue what it was, but just hearing the little blondes tale, and seeing how thin his clothes were had Wilbur making a very long list of things he needed to get to help the kid out. 

A kid which he still doesn’t know the name of.

The boy's eyes had brightened, as he bounded up and down on the balls of his feet eagerly, talking about what this gift would mean for him. He was actually quite endearing despite their seemingly dire situation.

“If I tell you my gift, then you can give it to me now and I’ll actually have a chance to survive the Winter!” He explained excitedly, grining.

Wilbur pushed down his anxiousness for the boys well-being. They had already suffered enough from his mistakes. He didn’t want them to suffer any longer than they had by them accidentally discovering the truth.

“What’s your name kid?” Wilbur mentally slapped himself  that he hadn’t asked sooner.

The tiny boy chuckled to himself as they crossed their arms. “Oh come on Santa, you know my name don’t you? You have a list with every child's name on it.”

Ah- right. Santa did have that Naughty and Nice list didn’t he? Curse Santa for having to live up to magical standards.

“Uh- I came here in such a rush, I um- ah must have left my list back at the North Pole.”

“So?” The boy argued, raising a brow. “You’re magic. Don’t you just know?”

Did he say endearing earlier? How about difficult for making him use his brain at 9pm at night. (Shut up. Don’t judge him for it)

“Well you know there’s like 2 Billion kids in this world and I see them all in one night. You don’t expect me to remember every name without my list do you?”

The kid hadn’t seemed to account for this, and thought it over before shrugging in agreement. 

Oh thank goodness for kids being young and naive. 

“I guess that’s fair. But you’ve got a s*** memory in that case Big Man. Getting old.” 

Actually, make that an annoying gremlin.

“I think if someone wants their present, they should be more careful about insulting their elders.” Wilbur teased with a chuckle. The boy rolled his eyes with a groan. 

Okay, an endearing gremlin then.

“Fiiiiiiiiine.” they drawled letting their arms drop to their sides before extending their hand up in greeting. “The name’s Tommy.”

Wilbur carefully lifted his arm up and slowly extended his pinky finger out for the boy to take in an oversized handshake. 

“Nice to meet you Tommy.” His finger dwarfed the boy entirely, his pinky finger only slightly shorter than the boy's total height, but nevertheless, Tommy took the tip and shook it lightly.

“Now, why don’t you sit down and tell me what it is you’d like for Christmas?”

Wilbur couldn’t help but smile at the little boy excitedly sharing in exact detail what he wanted. What the Borrower wanted wasn’t even that difficult to get, and he knew exactly where to find it. Tommy continued to ramble on for a bit longer about what he had been doing since coming here and Wilbur made mental notes of the few places where Tommy talked about entrances in out of the walls for future reference.

He was going to have to look out for Tommy from now on and if he wanted a shred of hope in getting him to trust him as Wilbur, he was going to need a plan.

“So could I have my gift now? I would really love it now and you still have a lot of other houses to visit tonight right?” Tommy asked innocently.

Wilbur really didn’t want to stop talking to Tommy. Tommy trusted the magical Santa Claus; not regular Human Being Wilbur Soot. He knew that if he let Tommy go now, it was unlikely he would see the kid again, but if he didn’t leave as Santa now, they would most likely get suspicious, realising he was a fake and panic. 

Wilbur sighed as he brushed a stray hair of fake beard from under his cheek.

“I- yeah I guess so. Best get you to bed then too.” 

“Awwww but I’m not sleepy yet!” The blonde pouted. “This is normally when I’m awake so it would be a crime to make me sleep now.”

“Well good little girls and boys go to bed when they’re told if they want to stay on the nice list.”

“You’re not the boss of me!” Tommy stuck his tongue out in defiance and Wilbur had to bite his to stop himself from bursting out loud laughing. 

This kid was going to be the death of him he swears.

Wilbur extended his hand to the Borrower, keeping it steady as he waited for Tommy to climb on. He’s still a little huffy at first realising there was no room for argument, but climbs on anyway, sitting down in the middle of Wilbur’s palm bracing themself before he moves.

The brunette curls his fingers over the boy slightly, bringing his hand to his chest protectively. He tries not to linger too long at how it felt to hold an entire person in one hand for the second time tonight before moving to stand. 

Steadily, Wilbur makes his way over to the book shelf and cautiously raises his hand up for Tommy to climb off of. He sets his hand down on the wooden surface and Tommy takes no time in hoping off to stand, waiting expectantly for his promised present.  

“Okay I need you to close your eyes just for a second.” Wilbur asks the boy who quickly covers his eyes with his hands, only to peak out from behind his fingers seconds later.

“I mean it Tommy. Keep them closed.”

“Ugggghhhhh Fineee!” the boy said huffing, but relented nevertheless. 

Wilbur quickly whirled around and crouched down beneath the Christmas tree, snagging a gift from the floor and hastily tearing the gift tag labelled- Technoblade; from the gift before setting it next to the small borrower child. 

“Okay, you can open your eyes now.” 

Tommy removed his hands and squealed in delight, quickly reaching down to hug the gift. 

“Oh thank you Santa! You really are the most poggers man ever!!!” Tommy spoke rapidly, smiling so much his cheeks hurt. “Well after me of course, but only by a little bit!” 

Wilbur chuckled as he gazed affectionately at the blonde hunched over the brightly wrapped gift. “You’re welcome Tommy. I’m glad you like it.”

The boy quickly stood, and started hauling the gift to the crack in the wall, as they tried to shove the gift through. Unfortunately while the crack had been enough for Tommy to squeeze through, it wasn’t quite wide enough to let the present go in without getting a tad scrunched up and paper torn. 

“Um, Tommy? Is there perhaps a bigger entrance I could take this too?” Wilbur suggested, cringing slightly as the boy gave another hard shove on the gift, intent on getting it through no matter what.

“It’ll fit. Just gotta keep pushing it in.” 

After a few more attempts, the boy did in fact give up and relented their efforts allowing Wilbur to pull the now crumpled present back out from the crack, instructing him to take it to the kitchen and place it behind the toaster, assuring him he would get it before the Bean woke up explaining how the electrical socket actually came off as a secret entrance.

He offered to take Tommy over to it too, but the stubborn boy refused, insisting that he had done enough and needed to hurry up and deliver presents to the other children before the night was over.

Taking one more long look at the boy, Wilbur watched as Tommy disappeared through the crack into the walls, the sound of tiny footsteps pitter pattering away before Wilbur himself quietly crept back to his room before he removed the Santa costume and flopped down onto his bed. 

He’d just met a tiny child.

A tiny child trying to survive in his walls.

That was deathly afraid of him.

Quickly Wilbur shot up from his bed snatching his phone from the night stand; a plan forming in his mind. The screen read 9:31 pm before he hastily unlocked it and dove into his contacts, quickly stopping on a profile of a girl with light pink hair, dialling their number shortly after.

The phone rang twice before a woman answered on the other end.

“Hello?”

“Niki? Hey! How’s the holidays going?” Wilbur asked as he grabbed his coat and gloves from the wardrobe.

“So I need a favour…”

.｡❅*⋆⍋*∞*｡*∞*⍋⋆*❅｡.

Tommy awoke warm for the first time that week.

He opened his eyes blearily, almost willing himself to fall back into dream land before his eyes snapped fully open. Tommy rubbed his eyes a few times, eyes going wide trying to comprehend that this was real and not just a dream as the thoughts of the previous night played through his head.

He was in his Christmas present: A brand new pair of bright red, fluffy woollen socks- the most perfect bed ever and exactly what Tommy had asked for. He had basically run to get his gift as fast as possible, before hauling it back through the walls to a space close by the bookshelf; the space seemingly much more homely after last night's introductions. 

He hugged the woollen fabric tightly, smiling as he remembered the soft smile Santa had as he watched him go and how kind and gentle he had been with him the entire time.

The Borrower was so pleased and grateful that he had been able to meet the Santa Claus, and would cherish the magical night forever.

He stayed snuggled in his new bed for a little while longer before his stomach grumbled in protest that he should go and have something to eat. Albeit a little grumbly, his hunger eventually won out and Tommy made his way through the walls back to the kitchen so he could gather some food before the Bean woke up.

Stealthily, he removed the electrical socket, expecting to make it a quick supply run; stepping out into the open before freezing in surprise.

Laid out in a neat pile behind the toaster was a small stack of brightly wrapped gifts all wrapped in different coloured and patterned paper, and right in the middle, an envelope with his name written in gold cursive. Tommy smiled brightly, as he eagerly ran forward to the awaiting stack of gifts, quickly grabbing a gift reading the label. 

To: Tommy From: Santa

Tommy denies that he cried that day. 

That he took each gift home and opened each one oh so delicately, afraid if he didn’t they might just disappear, happy tears trailing down his cheek as he opened a gift revealing a beautiful, blue knitted sweater- and in just his size. 

His tears didn’t cease as he opened the other gifts revealing several new pairs of warm winter clothes, new rope and hooks for climbing, some tea candles with a tiny piece of flint and steel to light them, and the tiniest iced cookies he had ever seen. He could actually hold this in one hand like humans did and he had a whole bag of them!!! His prayers had been answered and he couldn’t be more thankful.

Soon, the only thing that remained was the envelope.

He dried his face as best he could, doing his best to not smear any tears or snot onto the pristine surface as he opened the envelope, revealing a card with a picture of glitter candy canes decorating the front. 

Settled back into his new bed, Tommy opened the card and read the message inside.

Dear Tommy, It was lovely meeting you and getting to know your story. I figured you might  like some extra gifts as well to help you be more comfortable in Wilbur’s walls. I think you should try talking to him.  You might be surprised. Sincerely, Santa Claus

P.S- He’s not as scary as you think.

Tommy’s smile became puzzled as he reread the last few lines.

Who the heck was Wilbur?

Was that the name of the Bean that lived here?

Oh come on, that's not fair! How come Santa knew Wilbur’s name but not his!

He grumbled a little bit at the thought, but his mind kept drawing back to the last line of the card.

‘He’s not as scary as you think.’

“Hmpf, you keep saying that.” Tommy grumbled. 

What was with Santa’s insistence on this?

As much as he wanted to be annoyed at Santa for putting forward such a ridiculous idea, Tommy decided to drag himself out of bed and to the book shelf crack. The Bean had gotten up not long after Tommy had made it back to his new home, but he’d been a tad too distracted to really care about how slow and heavy they had been trudging about this morning unlike their usually poised self.

Currently, said Bean was sitting on the couch, the exact same spot he and Santa had been last night, absentmindedly staring at his hand.

How could Santa think this guy was any good? They had kidnapped him unknowingly, almost let him die from hypothermia unknowingly, destroyed the top of his home unknowingly and Santa still thinks they won’t hurt him?

Okay so maybe it wasn’t their fault all those things happened just because they didn’t know he was there, but that doesn’t mean they’re not still very capable of hurting him for having to do all those things. But then again, Santa knew who was naughty or nice. And he wouldn’t ask him to do something that would endanger his safety if this ‘Wilbur’ guy wasn’t a good person right?

Tommy observed the Bean a little longer, as they ran their thumb over their palm. Their normally neat curly hair was all over the place and he could have sworn there were black bags under their eyes from lack of sleep. They suddenly turned their head and were staring straight at his crack by the book shelf. The Borrower was certain they couldn’t see him from the couch, but ducked back just slightly in case.

The Bean simply sighed as a small smile graced their features. Tommy was right about the black bags. Bean did not look like they had slept at all. 

He thought back to what Santa had said. 

I think you should try talking to him.

They certainly didn’t seem dangerous. Maybe they really weren’t bad like the Jolly man said?

But was it really worth taking the risk and talking to this guy?

Before he could dwell on it for much longer, the door bell sounded and Wilbur snapped his head to the sound before standing and stretching; their limbs popping and cracking slightly from their limited use. Before he left the living room, the man stopped and stared at his crack once more. Tommy didn’t dare breathe as they simply smiled and shook their head, before exiting and headed towards the front door.

Tommy allowed himself to exhale as the sound of footsteps got further away.

“Weirdo.” Tommy muttered to himself as he pushed himself back from the crack and began to head back to his bed for a well deserved rest.

He’d think about what Santa said, and just maybe he’d talk to this- Wilbur. If not, he hoped he'd meet Santa again so he could thank them in person.

Once he was back in his bed, Tommy quickly slipped in snuggling down, allowing himself to drift off to the chatter of beings much larger than himself from beyond the walls.

“Wil! So good to see you! It’s been ages!”

“Hi Dad, thanks for letting me host. I’m so glad you and Techno could make it!

“So are we, but you look like shit mate. Up late again? Wouldn't be related to that surprise you were telling us about?”

“You could say that…” 

.｡❅*⋆⍋*∞*｡*∞*⍋⋆*❅｡.

Tommy never did meet Santa Claus again.

The card proudly on display in his new home, a secret hope he would one day and a constant reminder of what Santa had asked him to try.

And maybe one day, Tommy would finally take up the old man's advice and go and speak to Wilbur, and discover perhaps they may have been right.

Maybe then he’d finally have a friend to keep him warm during the holiday seasons and to rely on like he had wished. 

One that seemed to always know just what he needed despite never telling them, and was very insistent about never wearing Santa costumes.

No matter how many times a little boy begged….

 ˗ ˏ ˋ ★ˎˊ ˗   ༺𝓜𝓮𝓻𝓻𝔂༻༺𝓒𝓱𝓻𝓲𝓼𝓽𝓶𝓪𝓼༻  ˗ ˏ ˋ ★ˎˊ ˗  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That was a lot of words....

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING TO THE END! I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it and it means a lot you read all the way through <3

Tag List: @local-squishmallow @brick-a-doodle-do @justarandomsloth @veryfunkycheesecake @munchkin1156 @kayla-crazy-stuffs @da3dm @eiscreme135 @orchid-harmony @the-tiny-lurker @colossal-red @nobodywritingao3 @nata2343 @bad-author777 @crazyfoxgirl10

And cue rant: Honestly you guys have no idea just how much you all mean to me an in this community and the impact you've had on me in the last year alone. I could not be more thankful for being apart of this and getting to know you guys. Getting so back into writing has been really good for me and rekindled something I love so I can't thank you enough.

And even though I know I've been a little quieter online, I'm still here lurking about and working on projects. A lot has happened in the last few months alone and I'm quite happy that I'm limiting myself to be a bit more healthier with my online habits.

Anyways thanks so much if you read this far!

Thanks to my Beta readers @a-xyz-s squishy and munchkin for reading this for me, and I wish you all a very safe and wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year!

-Beckyu ❤️

[lovecolibri]

hi just wanted to say a big thank you for being positive and excited for s8 and the buddie of it all bc a lot of my dash has been doom and gloom since the trailer dropped 🫶🏻 i think you’re right! we might not get buddie in s8 but knowing the actors and writers are aware and support it is everything, i don’t think this is another supernatural situation (hopefully)

So sorry this is a couple days late! This is incredibly sweet, but also hilarious to me personally because I felt like I was being WAY less positive than everyone else about the season as a whole because I am a mustache hater to my CORE, and I thought the bees thing sounded like it could be dumb and just a distraction like the escaped zoo animals for season 5, and my worst case scenario was that it was actually going to turn in to a big cop storyline like season 5 instead of focusing on the firefam saving people from a big disaster like we used to get. AND OH, FUCKING LOOK 🙄🙄🙄

ANYWAY, I was being way less fun than everyone else, so I'm truly sorry for what your dash must have looked like if I was a beacon of positivity! As far as Buddie though like, I am trying not to get my hopes up too high (lying) because season 4 burned me HARD when I had convinced myself that tay kay being awful to Buck and flat out calling him "needy", especially after seeing Buck Begins and knowing how that would hurt him, was the show telling us she was not a good fit and I wasn't even concerned about them getting together! I was *shook* when they turned Eddie's shooting into a whole thing about her instead of the firefam and EDDIE. So like. I am not the best judge, although knowing that Tim WANTED to do something else and FOX shut it down, maybe I was more right about all that mess than the show gaslighted me into believing back then 🤷🏻‍♀️

I had to roll my eyes about tay kay for a whole fucking season and sit on that bottle of champagne I bought for BT bones for like, MONTHS. Over winter hiatus and everything! Because they drug that shit out for no reason all season to give Buck something to do. And that's not even touching what I had to survive with other shows (*cough cough* Roswell NM *cough*). So if I have to roll my eyes through BT 2: Return of the Plot Device To Give Buck Something To Do, I can. But I am absolutely gonna complain the whole time.

I think it's important to take the wins where we can and there's a lot to be happy about! Everything about BT has been the vague responses they give about every nothing relationship ever time. We are not fighting the showrunner OR the actors for this, it's a battle with the network, and we got bi Buck within 4 episodes of moving to ABC and the early renewal caused them to push storylines back knowing they had a whole season to do them. And honestly? Knowing they may not get another season? (especially if the opener is unsatisfying AGAIN??) I'm actually not pushing it out past season 8. I think we're getting something this season because they have no guarantees of renewal especially with the kind of budget the show requires, and they finally have a network that isn't holding them back. I'm all about managing expectations (I try very hard and fail a lot), but that means being open to good things too, and I think we're getting good things for Buddie.

[helloalycia]

𝐍𝐎 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐆𝐎𝐎𝐃𝐁𝐘𝐄𝐒 [𝐓𝐖𝐎] — 𝐊𝐀𝐓𝐍𝐈𝐒𝐒 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐃𝐄𝐄𝐍

summary: when you finally get through the toughest of winters with Katniss, glad you won't lose her, it's all for nothing because she volunteers for her sister in the Hunger Games.

warning/s: usual the hunger games warnings.

author's note: little late today but here’s the second and final part! was fun to write a katniss and i hope you all liked the ending 🥰

one / masterlist / wattpad

It was a few days later when I visited Katniss and found her sat in the living room for a change. I had to do a double take when I saw her, so used to seeing her be bed-bound. But no, she was sat on the couch in fresh clothes and looking freshly bathed. I was surprised, unable to do anything but stare until she beckoned me to join her.

"Sorry, but you just– you're up!" I said with amazement. "Katniss."

She smiled a little, nodding. "I am. I think this is the first time I can actually hold my own."

Hearing her say that made me relax instantly, my worry and concern fully disappearing. It was all I'd ever wanted. And she was already looking a lot better, the colour returning to her cheeks, the circles under her eyes disappearing, the migraines practically nonexistent. She was beginning to look like her old self again.

"Listen," she said suddenly, and I realised she was struggling to tell me something. "Whilst I was at my worst, you did a lot when I couldn't. And I just– thank you, Y/N."

"Of course," I said dismissively.

"No, you did way too much," she added, meeting my eyes. "More than you needed to. With looking after my family and with the medicine."

"I'd do it all again too," I said with a shrug, and the look she shot me made me take on a more serious approach. "I couldn't imagine losing you, Katniss. I wouldn't know what to do. You mean so much to me and I had to get you better. There was no other option."

She exhaled uncomfortably, looking down, and I winced at my declaration. Katniss was never one for talking about her feelings, let alone hearing other people gush about theirs. She was always too busy surviving, so she never had time for it.

"Sorry," I said. "I know you hate sappy stuff."

"No," she said quickly. "It's not that. It's–" She paused, looking up at me hesitantly. "The truth is, I thought I was gonna– I wasn't sure if I'd make it. It terrified me, not being able to move or do things or take care of my family. And Prim, poor Prim... I would have had to leave her. And you, I wouldn't have been able to say goodbye. Not properly."

"But it's not like that anymore," I reminded her, taking her hand and squeezing it.

My eyes were watering after hearing her say that, knowing she'd been thinking that and fearing death. Just the thought of losing Katniss for good had terrified me, but I'd never considered how she must have felt.

"It's not," she agreed.

I hugged her tightly. "No more goodbyes."

I felt her nod in my shoulder, arms wrapping around me comfortably.

Katniss was getting better every time I saw her, still resting and not leaving the house, but on the road to recovery. One day however, she surprised me at my house, a knock on the front door bringing me to her.

"Katniss," I breathed out, both surprised and amazed when I saw her standing there in the snow, dressed in her hunting gear and holding a bag. "You're looking well."

I hugged her, still trying to accept that she was stood in front of me. It was the first time all winter that she'd been well enough to leave the house, a sight I was scared I'd never see again.

"Yeah, I felt well enough to go out and try to get things back to normal," she admitted during the hug. "My mum approved it."

I smiled, looking at her again.

"It's for you," she said, suddenly remembering she was holding a bag, and holding it out to me. "A thank you, though it's nowhere near enough."

I cocked my head with confusion before looking in the bag. There were three dead rabbits inside, perfectly shot with precision.

"You didn't have to," I said, before adding when I saw her defensive expression, "but thank you. It's more than enough."

She exhaled, definitely wanting to disagree but leaving it. I stepped to the side to let her in, closing the door behind her and calling for my parents.

"Hey, mum, Katniss brought us some–"

"Oh, Katniss, dear, you're okay!" my mum exclaimed with relief, immediately pulling her in for a hug. "It's so good to see you out and about again."

Katniss flushed with embarrassment. "Thanks, Mrs Y/L/N."

My dad soon walked out from the spare room, smiling at Katniss when he saw her.

"You look as good as new, Katniss," he complimented, patting her on the back. "So good to see you looking well."

Katniss nodded appreciatively, and I handed my mum the bag.

"She brought us some rabbits," I told her.

"Oh, how kind of you," my mum said to her with a warm smile, before looking to my dad. "C'mon, hon, we should get this prepared."

"Thanks again for the rabbits, Katniss," my dad said appreciatively, before the two of them left us as they headed to the kitchen.

I tried not to laugh as I saw Katniss' expression. "Sorry, I know they're a bit much sometimes. They just care about you."

"No, it's fine," Katniss said with a wave of her hand. "It's sweet of them."

A smile curled on my lips as I watched her once more. Stood there in her dad's hunting jacket, the tip of her nose turned red from the cold, hair braided over her shoulder... she looked like the old Katniss. The one I'd so dearly missed.

"What?" she asked, narrowing her eyes.

"Nothing."

"Don't do that," she groaned. "I hate when you do that."

I sighed. "Okay, I guess I'm just happy that you're back to how you were. It's something I was scared I wouldn't see again."

"It's thanks to you," she reminded me, stuffing her hands in her pockets.

I rolled my eyes playfully, making her smile with amusement.

"Do you wanna stay for dinner?" I asked.

"I should head back," she admitted, heading to the front door again. "Mum's orders. Plus, that was all for you and your family. Enjoy it, please."

"Right, well take it easy," I told her lightheartedly, but meaning it. "Hunting again is good, but it's still dangerous. Especially whilst you're on the mend."

She gave me a sarcastic look. "Always."

I returned it with a knowing one. "Katniss. Seriously."

Gaze softening, she nodded. "I will. After everything that happened, I'm extra careful now. Promise."

I nodded, relieved to hear that, and watched as she didn't quite look away, seemingly stuck in thought. She swallowed hard, distracted, and I was about to ask what was on her mind, but she suddenly straightened up and cleared her throat.

"I'll see you later," she said, hugging me.

I smiled a little, squeezing her gently, before watching her leave.

When Reaping Day fell upon us, I truly didn't expect Prim to be chosen. If anything, my concerns were for Gale and Katniss, whose names were in there plenty of times. Even my own, after adding it in over the winter. But Prim wasn't in my thoughts because she was only in there once. So, how the hell did she get picked?

I should have known Katniss would volunteer in her place – she loved her sister the most in the world, it was inevitable. But it also meant that I was at risk of losing her again, just like in winter. But no medicine could save her this time.

After I watched Katniss walk on that stage, everything happened so quickly. The boy, Peeta, getting picked as the boy tribute, the ceremony ending and Gale yanking me with him to support Prim and her mum. We were all scheduled to say our goodbyes to Katniss, only having a short amount of time with her.

Her family went first, having the longest time to say their goodbyes, and then it was Gale. During this time, I was trying to get over myself and think about what I would say to her, how I could help her this one last time. But nothing was springing to mind except the tears to my eyes, and I was struggling to see beyond the obvious: Katniss might never return.

Once Gale returned with the guard of a peacekeeper, I saw how he tried to hide his tears and was reminded of my own. I knew I couldn't cry in front of her. It wasn't fair and she needed hope, not a blubbering mess.

The same peacekeeper who was with Gale led me up some stairs in the Justice Building and stopped before a set of double doors, further guarded by two more peacekeepers.

"You have five minutes," one told me, and I raised my brows with disbelief.

"But that's not even–"

"Five minutes," he repeated firmly, before the doors opened and I was forced to obey.

I walked in, eyes immediately searching for Katniss, and then I saw her by the sofa, pacing. When she saw me, my plan to not cry immediately flew out the window because she'd already beaten me to it. Tears pricked my eyes as we immediately pulled each other into a hug, saying nothing. I could feel the wetness of her tears soaking my shirt, but I didn't care.

We stayed like that for two minutes, no doubt eating away into our time, but we both needed it desperately.

"I'm sorry," I muttered, pulling back and holding her at arm's length. "I wish it wasn't like this."

She swallowed thickly, meeting my eyes, and I tried to memorise every part of her face, just in case – like I would ever forget it anyway.

"Gale has probably given you all sorts of advice, but–"

"Listen," she cut me off, voice hoarse.

"What?"

As if coming to her senses, she sucked up a breath and wiped her tears away. "Don't take any tesserae, okay? Never."

Already, I was lost. "Katniss–"

"You have enough food," she snapped, the seconds ticking away and agitating her. "Gale is covering for Prim, so you won't need to spare any for her. She's also got her goat. She can sell cheese and–"

"Katniss–" I tried to cut off her rambling, but she grabbed my shoulders and squeezed them.

"Promise me!" she pleaded. "Now, Y/N!"

Sensing the desperation in her voice, I nodded. "Okay, I promise."

Her grip loosened. "Please keep walking Prim to and from school for me. Be there for her when I can't be. She's gonna need someone–"

"I will," I reassured her, grabbing her hands from my shoulders and earning her attention. "You know I will."

She pressed her lips together, nodding appreciatively before hugging me again. I rubbed her back comfortingly, though my heart was aching in my chest.

"You could win," I said into her shoulder. "You're the best hunter I know."

She shook her head defeatedly, so I pulled back to face her properly, afraid to let go of her hands.

"Try," I begged, eyes tearing up. "Please. No more goodbyes, remember?"

"I'll try," she agreed reluctantly, "but if I'm not back–"

"Don't say that."

She frowned, a tear slipping from her eyes as she looked between mine. "I love you, Y/N."

"I love you too," I said, kissing her hand. "I always will."

"No," she shook her head, "I'm in love with you."

With all the heightened emotions and fear of losing her, it took me a moment to acknowledge what she'd said. My eyebrows knitted together, and when I saw her blue eyes darkened with sadness, staring at me, I realised.

"What?"

The doors to the room slammed open suddenly, startling both Katniss and I, and then the peacekeeper approached me.

"Time's up," he stated, but my grip on Katniss' hands tightened.

"Wait, please, just wait," I begged him, before looking to Katniss. "Katniss–"

"Now!" the peacekeeper ordered, grabbing me by the shoulders and yanking me back, out of Katniss' grasp.

"Just one more minute!" Katniss shouted, but another peacekeeper came in and blocked her from doing anything.

It happened too quickly, the peacekeeper dragging me out and the doors closing behind me. I didn't even get to see Katniss one last time, her voice being cut off as the doors slammed shut. My head was reeling as they forced me downstairs and outside, trying to make sense of what just happened.

Katniss was in love with me? Since when? Why had she never told me before? Why did she wait until now?

During the Games, Gale and I did our best to be there for Prim and her mum. One of us would keep Prim company whilst her mum worked, either spending time at hers or inviting her to ours. After dinner, I'd always stop by to make sure they were both okay, and I'd watch as much of the Games as I could with them, knowing Prim needed the support.

The truth was though, I needed it too. It was difficult watching the screen, seeing my best friend paraded around the Capitol for entertainment. And when the Games actually began, it was even worse. I didn't want to watch, but I had to know how Katniss was doing, for a part of me still believed she could win.

Her words still rang in my mind, her declaration of love, if you could even call it that. I replayed the moment over and over, hating that she couldn't have said it sooner. Despising that I didn't say it back.

The star-crossed lovers of District 12 were thrown in the viewer's face every chance the Capitol got, and I wasn't sure what to make of it. Nobody was. Anyone with eyes could see that Peeta was truly and wholly in love with Katniss. I especially saw it, because I recognised it instantly, in myself. But Katniss never gave anything away, and even after all this time, as someone who knew her eerily well, I couldn't tell what she was feeling.

Of course, she led everyone to believe she loved him too, and as soon as a small part of me cringed with jealousy upon seeing them kiss, I immediately pushed it away. That was selfish of me, to be jealous when she was literally fighting for her life. I swore I'd never feel it again.

When the final moment of the Games arrived, both Peeta and Katniss were down to the final two and were going to eat the poisonous berries, ending it all. Prim gripped my hand so hard as we watched the screen, and I wanted so badly to shout at Katniss for even considering it. She had a chance to come home to her family and she was going to throw it away?

But deep down, I knew I could never understand. She wouldn't betray Peeta and she wasn't going to give the Capitol what they wanted. If this was it, her last moment, she was taking control. I shouldn't have expected anything less from Katniss Everdeen.

And then they announced the winners, the both of them, and it was the impossible finally happening. Prim, her mum, Gale and I – we were all in disbelief, then ecstatic that we were actually going to see her again, she was finally returning home!

A few days later, Gale and I were helping Prim and her mum prepare a welcome home meal for her, anticipating her arrival. Whilst Gale and I finished off the last bits such as setting the table, Prim and her mum went to collect Katniss from the train station. And I didn't realise how nervous I was until I almost knocked a glass off the table and Gale caught it.

"Hey, you okay?" he asked with concern, before offering me a small smile. "It's okay now, Y/N. She's finally home."

I swallowed hard, allowing myself to smile a little too. But he didn't know what our final exchange had been – I hadn't told anyone – and he couldn't know how much I was overthinking seeing her again. It didn't matter though, as the time to dwell on it was gone when the front door opened and revealed the Everdeens together again after all this time.

"...have a lovely meal prepared for you," Prim was saying as they walked in. "And Y/N and Gale are here too!"

Katniss smiled softly as her sister spoke excitedly, and then her eyes flickered up, scanning the room before they fell upon Gale and I with amazement.

"Hey, Catnip," Gale greeted with a boyish grin, before stepping forward to hug her.

She immediately wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tightly, and I tried not to overthink as I stepped forward too. Would we pretend nothing had been said and return to how we were? Was I supposed to bring it up? Was she?

The two of them pulled apart, talking, but I wasn't really listening as I got a better look at her. She looked different, like the version of Katniss I'd seen on the TV – the Capitol's version. They must have filmed her homecoming earlier as she was wearing Capitol clothes – a quality blouse and trousers – and her makeup was done, though not as extravagant as it had been in the interviews; no, it was much more natural, only accentuating what beauty she already had. Even her hair was different, left out and curled over her shoulders, pinned back with some expensive looking slides.

She was almost intimidating, but then hers and Gale's conversation ended, and her familiar blue eyes were on mine, and any preconceived notions I had didn't matter anymore because she was still Katniss, and she was back.

"Hey," I breathed out, smiling softly.

She returned my smile and we both hugged each other without another word. I swallowed hard as I closed my eyes, trying not to betray my fear as I clutched her tightly, but I was certain she could feel my shaking. Well, it was either me or her, because we were trembling.

"I see you kept your promise," I said once we pulled apart, and she seemed momentarily confused, so I added, "You tried. You won."

She exhaled in a way that was a stifled laugh without amusement. "Right. I suppose I did."

I had so much more to say, but none of it would escape my mouth. It didn't matter though, as Prim was calling us from the kitchen table and then we were both taking our seats and there was just no time right now.

It was a lovely evening, the four of us indulging on a treat from Greasy Sae, the district's resident cook who adored Katniss, and catching Katniss up on some developments she'd missed since she'd gone. Nobody brought up the Games for obvious reasons, but there was chatter of them all moving into the Victor's Village tomorrow.

It was a dedicated gated community in every district where victors of the Games and their families moved into following their win. The Everdeens were due to move tomorrow and Prim and Mrs Everdeen were excited to have somewhere with heating and hot water and everything District 12 dreamed of. Katniss, on the other hand, had nothing to say on the matter, and I could see the distant look in her eyes as they spoke. She wasn't too happy to move, it seemed. This place was her home, no matter what.

I hadn't realised how late it was, how long we'd sat talking after we ate, until Gale excused himself for the evening. I knew I should have gone too, but it felt wrong to leave their kitchen a mess when I'd eaten in it.

"Oh, Y/N, you really don't need to do that," Mrs Everdeen was saying as I began to stack the plates, bringing them to the kitchen sink basin.

"It won't take long," I assured her. "Please, let me do this and I'll be out of your hair." She was about to retort, but I nodded to Prim who was lying on her shoulder tiredly. "You should get her to bed."

Reluctantly, Mrs Everdeen gave in with a nod and led her youngest to her bedroom. I glanced at Katniss as I collected the glasses from the table she was still sat at.

"You must be tired too," I said, leaving the glasses in the sink.

She stood up, watching me closely. "I can't believe you're here."

I suppressed a smile. "I could say the same about you."

She wasn't amused by my joke, but distracted again. She'd been checked out for the latter end of dinner, but I'd put it down to tiredness. Clearly, I was mistaken.

"Katniss?"

I waited, raising an eyebrow, and then she kissed me hard. Her lips were soft, though her approach was desperate, and I found myself kissing her back, shivering as her hands settled on my waist. My back hit the edge of the kitchen table abruptly, and I was losing my breath in the urgency of it all, and then I had to pull away. She didn't let go of me as she caught her breath, eyes finding mine.

"I've wanted to do that for so long," she murmured, and it was very unlike her.

Her breath tickled my lips as I asked, "Why didn't you?"

She clenched her jaw, shaking her head, the words not coming out.

My eyes drifted from her eyes to her flushed cheeks to her swollen lips. Nervously, I said, "I wasn't sure if–" An anxious pause. "After everything, when you told me you–"

"The thing with Peeta was an act for the Capitol," she explained suddenly.

That familiar jealousy, the one I'd worked so hard to never feel again, resurfaced and was soon replaced with guilt, especially upon seeing her expression. "You don't need to explain, Katniss."

She shook her head in disagreement, eyes meeting mine with a newfound confidence. "I know, but– I need you to know that I was only doing it to keep us both alive. And the whole time, I was thinking of you."

I was surprised at her boldness, her honesty and ease of sharing her feelings. It was so unlike her, a maturity she'd grown in her time away.

"How long?" I asked, tilting my head. "Since when?"

"You remember last winter? When you stupidly used your tesserae to help me?"

My breath caught in my throat, the memory painful. I thought I'd lost her last winter.

"I couldn't lose you," she continued. "The irony was I ended up in the Games, but knowing you endangered yourself for me then, and that you could've been chosen... it made me realise how much you meant to me. More than a friend. And then the reaping happened and I volunteered and I knew it was my last chance to tell you. I didn't mean to put it all on you, but I needed you to know."

I breathed out slowly, digesting her words. I could see the nervousness in her expression, her patiently waiting for my response as she looked down. This must have been difficult for her to share, but it only warmed my heart more, knowing she'd done so for me.

"I've been in love with you for as long as I can remember," I finally admitted my own feelings, ones I thought I'd have to keep to myself forever.

She looked up at this, hopeful, and I began to smile through my tears. The fact that she was here, alive, and that she was telling me all I'd ever wanted to hear, was getting to me more than I realised.

"Come here," I said, not meaning for it to come out as a whisper, and hugged her tightly. "I missed you so much, Katniss."

Her arms wrapped around my waist, head tucking into my shoulder, and I felt her lips move against my shirt as she said, "I missed you too."

[alovesongtheywrote]

hiii girlie!! it’s my birthday HAHA can i please get a nightmare academia part?? thank youuu 🫶

♥ Summary: SORRY I MISSED YOUR BIRTHDAY!! iirc, i got this like. right in the middle of finals season. i am so sorry :( to compensate, i have provided a holiday update!! In this chapter of Nightmare Academia, it's the holiday season and Reid pulls a lil prank.

♥ Warnings: holidays, Wham's Last Christmas

♥ A/N: this is really just a holiday blurb im ngl. happy holiday special ig!! (also. i didn't edit this. my bad lol)

♥ Word Count: 600

Series Masterlist

♥♥♥

The winter seasons were always an interesting time to be a professor.  The campus was decorated with trees and lights.  Fliers advertised Hanukkah and Christmas gatherings.  The students were so stressed and burnt out that they moved through life with a weird sort of festive calm. 

This year, that festive calm had taken on a new feature- your students wouldn’t stop playing Wham’s Last Christmas.  

You had nothing against the song.  All things considered, you liked Wham.  You liked Last Christmas.  It just got a touch annoying when the song played on a constant loop through various shitty phone speakers.  All the time.  Every day.

You weren’t sure what caused it- what earthly force could convince a bunch of college kids to listen to that infernal song so frequently?  What could get them to set Last Christmas to their ringtones?  You were pretty sure most of them hadn’t used ringtones before December.  To put it bluntly- you were confused, tired, and suspicious.  You were also ready to scream.

So you did!

“Holy shit, if I have to hear that fucking song again, I might literally explode.”

Reid looked up at you as you burst into your shared office.  His eyes were wide, as if your pre-loaded rant about Wham’s Last Christmas had caught him off guard.  

If it had, that was honestly on him.  You were only about a week into December, and you had already complained about the thing seventy-six times and counting.  If Spencer didn’t remember that, then his special boy memory powers had clearly failed him.

“Well, you wouldn’t literally explode,” Reid corrected, clearly recovered from his shock, “That’s a common mistake.  You would actually-”

“Reid, stop it before I feed you to the ghost of George Michael.”

He held up his hands in surrender, though a smile played across his lips.  You glared at that little grin as vines of suspicion tangled with the fleshy meat of your brain.

“Did you have something to do with this?”

“Whatever do you mean, Doctor?”

“I mean,” you slammed your hands down on Reid’s desk, “Are you the reason I cannot escape that fucking song?”

He leaned back in his chair, weaving his long, slender fingers together like some fucking anime villain, “And how would I pull that off?”

“Easily.  You’re you, and it’s the perfect crime.  All it would take is the promise of extra credit, and your students would do anything.  You think I haven’t noticed that the student body suddenly loves playing Wham?  Out loud?  Without headphones?”

Spencer’s grin got bigger, “Wow.  I’m sorry that your students have been using technology in a distracting and upsetting manner.  I can’t imagine what that’s like.”

“Spencer Reid, I am going to kill you.  I’m gonna choke you out with Christmas lights.  Seriously.”

He leaned in, “Are you literally going to kill me?”

“Fuck you, Reid.”

“I’d like to see you try.”

You snorted out a laugh, “You wouldn’t survive me, pretty boy.  Now, have you seen the essays my cybercrime class wrote?  They were on my desk.”

“Here-” he said, reaching for one of the desk’s many drawers.  That ended the conversation as the topic drifted to your students and the general category of crime that involved techy-whecy bullshit.  

In the weeks that followed, the volume on Spencer’s prank was turned down.  The students played it less and less, and the campus generally hummed with other holiday themed music until the break hit.  The day after it did, a package arrived on your doorstep.

A lovely vinyl copy of Wham’s Last Christmas.  

You were gonna kill Spencer Reid.

♥ Tags: @icarusignite, @usuallyunlikelyfox, @maraudersforlife2005, @fictionalcomforts, @morgthemagpie, @iiheartbowie, @digitalhearts, @corpsebridenightamare, @ghostatrixx, @reiding-writing, @mywellspringoflife, @80katie, @ms-ks-world, @currentfications, @ilse235, @emagen, @foolishwaitersblog if you asked to be tagged and i forgot, pls let me know!! if you would like to be tagged and aren't, also let me know :D

[my2phetaliaheadcanons]

How would the yandere salty spittoon react to their darling wanting to cuddle with them?

The world outside had long shed its sleepy trance. The foliage had returned and became greener as the previous months' excess moisture evaporated away. Birds sang their summer song as nature embraced its abundance.

Yet, the same couldn’t be said for the hidden home.

It was cold inside. The icy air that left the steel vents forced its way into (Y/N)’s veins and chattered her teeth quicker than a distressed sailor using Morse code. Fog puffed from her mouth as she huffed. A rapid turn on her bare heel caused her to leave the warm window behind her.

(Y/N) stalked through the halls. Glancing toward the rooms she passed for a hint of warmth. In her search, she initially passed the living room, ready to brush it off, but a new basket at the L-shaped couch’s bend stopped her.  

It was wicker texture and dark color, matched the atmosphere of the cage she was forced into. Maybe, (Y/N) thought as she stepped into the living room, he was being merciful. Crawling along the chilled, leather cushions, its uneven surface sunk as she moved across. (Y/N) eyes never left the basket as she reached the furniture's end. Leaning over it, she raised her arm, small shivers caused her to tremble as she peered down at the woven container. Slowly, her hand reached for the lid. Small sparks of hope sparked like fresh embers as she lifted it, but like a sudden blizzard, it was quickly smothered when nothing was found within.

She yelled! A feral sound of frustration as her frozen foot kicked away the basket. 

‘What am I going to do?’ (Y/N) thought as she looked toward her stiff hands. She licked her cracked lips as she flexed her fingers. They had begun to tingle and burn with the first sensation of the incoming numbness. ‘He’s made it so cold.’

Hesitantly, her head tilted upward as she debated between survival and pride.

She knew that the only aid HE would give would be himself. A simple offer of a lighted coal. One that promised survival and care, but that isn't what worried her. It was what it could become.

A passionate wildfire.

One that would blaze as he offered higher prices for simple salvation. The type that melted flesh and harshly numbed nerves, that would leave her wholly reliant on him. Yet, (Y/N) debated, that if she would take the plunge once, she could fight another day. Temporary recover enough to dash. Away from his winterous lair and into the sweet spring. Permanently chasing away the freeze that threatened to render her immobile. That could leave her with no more chances of escape. 

Sighing, (Y/N) stepped off the couch. Her footing was wobbly as she walked toward the stairs. Ready to endure a minor burn, in hopes of escaping the coming blaze. 

Let’s not lie, they are all very happy about the bitter willingness. But each would react a little differently to it.

Canada: In his mind, it’s the first step of submission. The spark that could force her to accept that she needs him to survive. Though, unlike his brother, he’s not going to tease or hold her decision over her head. Instead, he welcomes her with a light hug as he leans back into the large bed. Once they've both settled, Matt tightens the grip of his large arms and smiles against (Y/N)'s head. This is a good first step.

He will probably use this trick again. For Matt, it's a good reinforcer after punishment or something he can use as a reminder of her place. That no matter what, she will eventually be forced to choose him.

After all, there is no one else worthy of her.

Finland: - Niilo’s not gonna make a big deal out of it, despite his joy. Mainly just uttering a sarcastic comment about how (Y/N) should have requested this sooner while pulling her to sit next to him on his office couch.

From there he lets her get comfortable under his arm while he continues about doing his paperwork. If she attempts to snuggle closer, he reciprocates with a small squeeze.

Enjoying the contact while relishing the first steps of securing her as his. Maybe this should be repeated. As needed of course. 

Poland: Piotr is like Niilo, he doesn’t celebrate or mock her submission. Instead, he ignores her. Now, this isn’t him dismissing his darling (Y/N). Instead, he’s forcing her to commit to getting what she wants FROM him.

Especially when she finally breaks to ask, Piotr will already be in bed. He has been sleeping after a night of work and will sleepily stare at her before turning over, lessening the pressure of coming to him for help. Though, never fully falling back to sleep.

That’s when she’ll slip under the blankets. Placing herself back-to-back with him. The shared heat will cause her to drift to sleep, deep enough that she’ll only realize the cuddles when she awakes. A simple way to force contact and make her adjust.

Russia: Viktor happily views her desire for him as the first step in domestication and wants her to know that. So, he’ll make her admit it. Usually by questioning her on why? For weeks now, she’s been nothing more than a fractious cat, why the sudden submission?

This interrogation continues until, in frustration and exhaustion, (Y/N) yells out that she needs him. That without him she risks horrible damage or death.

Only then does he let her into his arms. Ready to soothe away the chill for a time. Before continuing the process of adapting (Y/N) to her new role.

Cuba: Hector’s face won’t change when (Y/N) walks in. When she starts to ask about warmth, he just stares. He waits for her to make her intentions known. As in a full-on blunt statement like “Please cuddle me.” Or “I’m freezing, can I share the ‘only’ blanket in the house with you?”. Once that’s said, Hector will open his arms or lift the blanket letting her get what he’s been withholding.

As she fully settles against his side, his mind can’t help but wonder what other ideas his ‘friends’ have that could get him faster results.

[dearest-painter]

My little girl

summary:When your parents don’t care what you do,what you eat,what you say,what you wear,or how you look or throw you out in the cold with only slippers,a t shirt,and shorts you do anything to survive the world is Gotham especially little old Y/N. She is known to steal just so she can survive the streets of Gotham. Once you run away to New York and still have the same life you gain some attraction especially with hero’s,villain,anti hero’s,and vigilantes.

TW/CW:Yandere behavior, unhealthy behavior, unhealthy relationship,abusive behavior.abusive relationship,being force to grow up,Title from ‘Daddy issues by the neighborhood’,Y/N’s parents fully neglects Y/N to the point their basically homeless,SELF HARM,kidnapping,drugging,sedation,stalking,murder,death,villains being better parents then Y/N’s real parents,threatening,death threats,abuse

The coldness comfort you usually but now your running away from the only home you knew,Gotham city but you knew it was better to leave. Your parents never cared honestly and you knew it as they’ve thrown you out in the middle of the snow with barely any cloths,you had to steal proper clothes for you and the people who gave shelter to you. Sighing as you watched the places go by you saw all the heroes that didn’t do Jack shit for you when in need

It was always the villains that save you,Deadshot would always give you a ceral bar,the sirens would take you around town treating you like a daughter or sister,killer croc would let you sleep on his back while he went through the sewer,bloodsport would make you stay around him while he got you food and clothes. They were the best as they took care of you. Your parents didn’t care about your mental health or physical health but the villains did,they made sure you were always safe.

To you it felt like betraying your family yet you knew it was needed. “New yooork!” It was your area so you got up then walked out taking a look around. Everyone seemed confused at you but said nothing. You understood why because they were dressed for winter while you had a hoodie,shorts,worn out sneakers,fingerless gloves,a bandaged leg,many band aids on you,and a tank top plus your bag. It was like it was autumn to you. “Where do I go…” you thought everything out but you knew one thing,men were going to try and take advantage of you.

You took a deep breath then walked to a woman who looked friendly enough. “E-excuse me ma’am…do you have money you could spare so I can call someone on the pay phone. Sorry for the bother” the women looked at you,short red hair is the first thing you notice of her. “Of course,calling your parents?” You forced a smile. “Mhm! Lost my phone so I gotta tell them where I am” she nodded as she gave you money then you went to the pay phone.

Ring

Ring

Ring

Ring

Ring

Ring

Ring

Ring

Rin-

You hitched your breath. “Hello?” “Thor! You answered thank goodness! Your in New York yes?” “No I am not Y/N! I’m sorry!! Why do you ask?” “Damn it…I was gonna visit you but never mind! I gotta go!” You hung up then walked out plotting how to get by. Walking out the subway you just went with the flow.

New York was a bit safer then Gotham but something caught your eye. ‘Car for sale! Free!’ It’s as if something took pity for you. Running to the area where the car was you smiled wider then usual. “Ma’am! Can I have this car?” She puffed out air then look at you smiling motherly at you. “Of course sugar,I’m Charlotte harlot but may I ask. Where ya from honey?” “Gotham city ma’am” “oh dearie. Here the keys but do you know how to drive or have a job?” “Yes I can drive but no job” she looked at you sadly then took out a paper. “Here,my works hiring. Just say Charlotte gave you it” nodding you head she left and smiled. You got in then drove to a run down but safe parking lot.

You got in the passenger seat laying the chair plus your body down. Looking at the paper it was titled ‘villainously tastey’ it was definitely a restaurant but you sucked ay cooking and didn’t have any history with cooking extravagant food but only food for easy and quick food so being a waitress might be your job. Yawing it was time to sleep so locking the doors,getting protection the putting a sign up saying ‘I am fine! I am just resting as I’ve just moved here so I do not have a home yet!’ Then you brought out your blanket and pillow falling asleep in seconds.

[femboty2k]

WOAGH I got tagged by @elliegoose to do a thingy!

now the tag game was to introduce yourself with:

one tv show

one movie

one album

one video game

I, however, liked that they did two and I am ALSO cute and get to do whatever I want so im gonna do two, too.

TV shows: The Venture Bros. and Hilda

talk about opposite ends of the spectrum, eh? Now Venture Bros. will always come with an asterisk, that being that it's an Adult Swim show that was created in the early 2000s by two white guys. Its comedy, especially in earlier seasons, can be unsavory. I'm a big believer in things being imperfect though. Not every show can live up to every standard, and sometimes you just need to roll your eyes at jokes that were made 10-20 years ago. If you can get past that what you get is an excellent and genuinely fun world full of Spyfi and Superhero parodies with a good story to boot.

Hilda, on the other hand, is a show for younger audiences based on a kids book series that largely has to do with various pieces of Scandinavian folklore. I've watched Hilda all the way through twice, once on my own as it was coming out and then once with my wife, and its just so so so lovely. The colour tones of red blue yellow and white, the delightful music, the adorable cast of characters and creatures, its such a good time. One of the best cozy up and just vibe it out shows imo. In my top 5 for sure.

Movies: Everything, Everywhere, All at once and Wolf Children.

What hasn't been said about EEAAO? It won awards that it damn well deserved, its got a perfect cast, it makes me cry every time I watch it. A compelling story about family and change, and the monumental difficulties that can come with them, as well as how different people survive hardships in their life, all wrapped up in the most batshit thing you've ever seen. Clair De Lune, THE SONG I GOT MY NAME FROM, is the main theme and it makes me tear up every time. In every universe, I would love to do laundry and taxes with you, and watch this movie.

Wolf Children isn't far off from that vein. I consider it to be Studio Chizu's magnum opus and I don't say that lightly. From the presentation and voice cast to the music and gorgeous art used in the movie, not even to MENTION how good the story about family, change, growing up, and letting go is, if you don't cry in the first 30 mins you should evaluate your emotional status. This movie means so much to me, its such a gorgeous story, and more people should know about it. Studio Chizu doesn't have a single miss in my opinion, just lesser and greater movies. Wolf Children is hands down the greatest.

Albums: Get Lonely by The Mountain Goats and No Dogs Allowed by Sidney Gish

What??? Clair's top two isn't DnB or something techno related???? Nah dog, I get sad a lot and have a thing for poetry. Get lonely was an album I listened to in some of the worst years of my adult life. I was 20 living with my family who made me miserable in a state that was (and still is) trying to get rid of people like me, and I had very little things that were mine. Walking around downtown Bartow, Florida, in the two weeks of winter that hell state gets while listening to John Darniel sing about soft agonies while watching my breath dissipate into the air? That was mine, and it always will be. TMG in general is I think my favourite band. The poetry on display in every one of their songs is just, too beautiful for my dumb ass to put in any meaningful way.

No Dogs Allowed was an album I listened to while working a midnight shift job I hated while also living with my family. Its an upbeat, quirky, kind of melancholy romp with songs that bring me back to driving from Bartow to Lakeland hoping I could stop myself from either killing myself or fucking up my friendships, whichever came first. Spoiler alert, I'm still alive. It also reminds me of the last big thing I ever did with my sibling before I left Florida for good, which was go to the Tampa Bay Aquarium with them. Several songs from the album were on the playlist I made for us, and hearing them always makes me want to shoot them a message to see if they're doing okay.

Video Games: Night in the woods and Final Fantasy XIV Online

Night in the woods is very, very near and dear to my heart. I honestly don't know what to say. If you've played it you know how good it is. How well written the story of Mae and her mental health crisis is. How it goes over things like poverty and trying to get by/make a better life. Family struggles that they don't talk to you about, small hometown decay that seeps into your every memory until the place you grew up in looks like a collection of distorted rotting shapes. I play it once a year in the fall, and each time I do its like seeing an old friend again. At the end of everything, hold onto everything.

Final Fantasy XIV Online is a game you can play with your friends. I could go on and on and on about how I have 1300 hours in this game and how I met some good friends on it, and how important it is to me as a piece of writing and a community and an experience. But we'd be here all day. FFXIV was there for me in some very tough times. I met new people, I grew distant from others, I have regrets and joys that I still carry with me. If you can get into it with the right people, the game really is something special. Its something to be shared, its a bustling community with all the edges that come with that, its a world where you can be a 7ft. tall elf with green eyes and white hair, and its a part of me.

As for who I wanna tag: @problematicmilf , @ninefoldrin , @baphomets-hairy-bonkhonagahoogs , @mobileleprechaun , and anyone who sees this and wants to do it too. This was fun! Hope I don't seem too lame lol.

[studentbyday]

oops! i did it again. lessons from this school year...

Hey, you remember that post I made about my winter term priorities? HAHAHAHAHahaha ha ha. That plan totally went to shit, but it's all part of the journey, right? 😅 (Tbh, it's quite difficult to make a conscious effort to change yourself when the default response to being and feeling busy is to go on autopilot -> all the unconscious habits, even if unhealthy, take control, and bc it's unconscious, you don't realize it until it gets quite bad! anyway! no more! my future plans make it so this will be impossible to do while still retaining some sense of sanity. so to prep, we're gonna slowly implement little changes so hopefully it's not so overwhelming that i give up)

🧘🏻‍♀️ comparing mindsets in fall and winter term

Fall term was not that bad bc I had 2 STEM subjects I really really loved and was interested in (biochem and mol bio 💕), and despite their difficulty, that love and interest and the feeling that "I am in the right field for me" kept me positive. There were times I thought I would feel burnout symptoms if I wasn't careful, but I really think that positivity protected me from the worst of it.

Winter term, however...I had one favorite subject: moral philosophy, which led to me wistfully dreaming about an AU in which I double majored in philosophy and piano performance, lol. After the highs of biochem and mol bio and the natural ease with which the bits of info flowed together in those subjects, I did not enjoy pharmacology or the 2nd half of psyc as much -> loss of interest -> negativity and feeling like I'm in the wrong field bc how dare I not like pharmacology (or psychology) as much as the other life science-y subjects when it's really so important for us to survive and thrive! 😅 I mean, there were times I could get that spark from pharmacology or psyc, but it wasn't often enough or intense enough to keep me consistently inspired throughout the semester. The feeling of "maybe I don't have what it takes and I'm in the wrong field" was compounded by the re-realization that there's sm to know of bioinformatics and I struggle to know any of it! Persevering is important, but it's harder to persevere with a negative mindset.

😤 what went wrong this school year and what i learned from it

I still struggle with perfectionism (and bc of it, procrastination). While it might not be as bad as it was in high school, I still spent too long on assignments that weren't worth much and during finals season, was so scared of getting less than 90% just to keep up my A+ streak. Like, I'm pretty sure no one who cares to know your GPA cares about whether you have an A+ streak or not. I have too high a threshold for what is a "disappointing" grade. I also struggle with deep regret about how I haven't mastered everything they throw at us in each course... definitely an unrealistic expectation, especially as the proportion of new info to absorb increases with each course. I did what I could using what I knew to do, so it is what it is. I may find ways to make improvements and learn more, but I won't beat myself up for not having known to do those things in the past.

Did not use effective study methods. Since first year, my problem has been keeping up with the readings and my solution has been to just use typed outline notes. It worked for the first few years when it was mostly review from previous courses with a few new concepts in between. But as I progress through my degree, the proportion of completely new info is increasing. This notetaking method won't work anymore bc it just causes cognitive overload, especially during exam season (when I've mostly forgotten the details of everything that isn't smth I've already known for years). E.g. for pharmacology, I got so bogged down by the details of all the drug classes that I didn't see the big picture and so didn't organize the info according to it. This made it hard to see patterns and better chunk the info. I was so stressed during finals season bc of this (and the sheer amount of notes that I had to read for psyc 😭). What makes it feel like even more of a problem is that the cognitive overload problem from my notetaking method has been a thing for all other uni courses thus far, it's just that pharmacology was the first time I needed to create a stronger connecting thread between the otherwise disparate pieces of info (drug classes). In all other courses, that thread was part of the nature of the topic being studied so I eventually understood it as I kept going and mentally re-organized it in my brain...but even then it was hodge-podge and so my depth of mastery was and is so flimsy, and every semester I leave feeling drained and like I wasted the opportunity to maximize my learning. (How dramatic I get about this is also probably tied to my perfectionism, but I still think it would greatly benefit future me to change my notetaking style.)

🎓 advice for future me

Look at the academic calendar, specifically the faculty course descriptions. Look at how many hours they say you should expect to spend on each activity in the course. Try to use those learning hours as a guide for your schedule so that you don't spend too long on an item that isn't worth much. If there isn't such a breakdown, assume one based on whatever they give you or other courses and adjust from there.

Be a more efficient reader by skimming the text first so you can map the flow of info in a way that best creates ease of understanding/synthesis/memory (e.g. via an outline, tree diagram, flowchart, mind map, or simple drawings - and noticing when a list/outline will NOT be helpful bc it'll just be too overwhelming and not easy to compare/contrast info and see patterns). I knowww you've survived thus far without doing it this way and done well, BUT with this many courses, the increasing complexity of each subject, and the overload of info in each, you WILL need to do this to make quicker work of the readings, save you sooo much stress during exam seasons, and improve how much you learn while in school which is the real goal you've wanted to achieve all this time. Don't repeat the mistake you made in pharmacology. And it really doesn't have to be aesthetic and you definitely should NOT get caught up with it if you really wanna learn. You could just use one color for everything and a highlighter and just basic shapes/lines - that alone can be way more effective than boring paragraphs/lists or a colorful, overly complex diagram that'll just distract you from the main point.

Create a realistic daily routine (wake-up and sleep times, start and end times for schoolwork) and be strict about following it. Set your non-negotiables for personal goals to keep up with alongside your schoolwork bc academics aren't everything. Remember how you regretted not devoting more time to extra-curriculars and other skills in high school which would've rounded you out as a person. You can try theming the parts of the day so that you don't have to think about what task you should do first after study breaks and keep up the momentum (e.g. mornings for readings and notes, afternoons for active recall/homework). Then you can live the rest of the day after school as structured or unstructured as you wish. If this strategy doesn't work for you, you don't have to use it.

Take advantage of interleaving so you don't get bored. Whether by following the theming strategy or just switching subjects every hour, idc if you aren't done yet, you better switch bc the second consecutive hour of the same thing is never as effective as the first.

[twilightmalachite]

Yuuta Aoi - Little Bro Talk

Author: Yuumasu

Characters: Yuuta, Ritsu, Hiiro

Translator: Mika Enstars

"Myyy bad. Unlike Aniki, I don’t have many friends."

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Season: Winter

Location: Garden Terrace

Yuuta: (…Sigh. Eating alone at the garden terrace is so dull.)

(And I was having fun spending time with Shinobu-kun, too. But then he had to leave immediately to run an errand for the student council.)

(You dare take Shinobu-kun away from me, you damn Student Council~…)

Ritsu: Hmm, it’s one of the light music club twins.

Since your hairstyle’s different and you’re all alone, you must be Yuuta-kun.

Yuuta: You’re right, but please don’t recognize me in such an unpleasant way.

Myyy bad. Unlike Aniki, I don’t have many friends.

Ritsu: I’m not saying it's bad, am I? It’s not like a person’s worth is based on their amount of friends.

In the past, I used to not have anyone I could call a friend, after all.

Some people prefer broad and shallow relationships, while others prefer more narrow and deep ones.

Everyone’s different when it comes to relationships.

Well, no need for one person to occupy all four seats here~. Can I sit here with you?

Yuuta: Go for it~.

But, allow me to correct you on one thing. I wasn’t alone here from the start.

My bestie, Shinobu-kun, was with me. But he had to leave earlier to do something for the Student Council.

Ritsu: Oh, what a coincidence. My situation’s like yours too.

I was gonna eat with Maa~kun, but he dumped me for a student council meeting.

Dreaded Student Council~. I hope a meteorite hits the Student Council room.

Yuuta: Ahaha, that’s pretty extreme~. It’d be a catastrophe if a meteorite hit.

Ritsu: It’s fine~, I’m sure if there’s an emergency, Ecchan will do something with all his authority and financial resources.

And even if the world is destroyed, Maa~kun and I will survive through the power of love…♪

Anyhow, compared to last year's Setsubun Festival, you guys seem to have moved on?

It’s like I never see you along with Hinata-kun at school anymore.

Did you finally understand what I meant back then? Did you finally get sick of being compared to your older brother?

Are you trying to make a point that you’re different from your older brother, that you’re your own person, perhaps?

Yuuta: …

…Back then, I thought that our values were different. But now, I think I can understand what you were trying to say, Ritsu-senpai.

It’s almost like you knew this was going to happen…

Ritsu: Heheh. It’s because you haven’t lived a long life unlike me. ♪

Yuuta: You’re only two years older than I am…

Ritsu: It still doesn’t change the fact that I’m older, does it?

Anyways. I might not exactly dislike your change in character, Yuuta-kun.

Like I said before, the creature called the “older brother” has no value in living if the “younger brother” does not exist.

All you have to do is step back and treat them just well enough so that they do not die. For those like us, they are a constant nuisance that won’t leave us alone for the rest of our lives.

Hiiro: —Hello, Yuuta-kun, Ritsu-senpai! Can I sit with you?

Yuuta: Oh, Hiiro-kun. Go ahead.

Hiiro: Thank you! So what were you two talking about?

Ritsu: We’re talking about how younger brothers can bother their older brother all they want~

Yuuta: I’m sure you have it rough too, Hiiro-kun, having such a horrid big brother in your family.

You’ve been inconvenienced since the very start, haven’t you?

Hiiro: The start? Back at my hometown, It was me who was being an inconvenience.

Nii-san protected me ever since I was little. He loved me a lot.

I hope to return the favor, and all the love he gave to me. If possible, I’d like Nii-san to be an inconvenience to me, too.

Ritsu: You want to be caused trouble? Aren’t you a weird one.

Yuuta: I’m sure he’d give you plenty of trouble even if you don’t want it, wouldn’t he?

Hiiro: That’s not true. I still have a lot to learn, I’m not strong enough to support Nii-san.

Though… Nii-san did praise me once. That made me very happy.

I had gotten a phone call and had brought home Nii-san drunk, but… He told me I’ve been doing well lately.

I’m sure Nii-san’s forgotten all about it, though. But it’s one of my most cherished memories from my birthday.[1]

Yuuta: Ooh, so something like that happened?

Yuuta: …Wait, wha? He had you do things for him on your birthday?

He seriously is diabolical… I hope a meteorite would hit Rinne-senpai.

Hiiro: A meteorite, huh? Yuuta-kun, you often get to have exchanges with Nii-san, don’t you? I’m envious.

Yuuta: Is it really an exchange, I wonder~? We just end up having a lot of contact since we work at the same agency.

Hiiro: Still, it seems nice from my perspective.

I’d like to ask you about something, who gets along well with my Nii-san, Yuuta-kun.

Yuuta: We don’t get along, but what is it?

Hiiro: I’d like it if you could help me pick out a birthday present for Nii-san with me.

We’ve got a long time until my Nii-san’s birthday, but we weren’t able to celebrate last year. And this is the first time we’re celebrating it in the city, so I’d like to get him something special. Think you can help me out?

Yuuta: A birthday present, huh~…

Yuuta: (That’s kinda a hassle, though? As if I’d know what’d make Rinne-senpai happy. Why not just take him somewhere to gamble?)

(Though that’s just a joke—but Hiiro-kun’s got such a pure heart he’d take anything as genuine advice.)

(…Wait, hold on a sec. This might be my chance to legally (?) play a prank on Rinne-senpai! ♪)

Yuuta: …Hehe. ♪

Ritsu: Whoa. That’s a horrible face you’re making, Yuuta-kun~.

Yuuta: Oh come on, don’t say such bad things about other people.

I’ll help you out if you’d like, Hiiro-kun.

Hiiro: Thank you! It’ll be reassuring to have you, Yuuta-kun!

Yuuta: Yeah, yeah! Let’s take pleeeenty of time to pick out a gift he’ll remember for his entire life…♪

[ ☆ ]

story directory

A reference to the events in Rinne’s idol story, A Cup's Worth By Yourself, from this card.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

*blows a party noisemaker* Happiest of birthdays Rollo Flamme! May your upcoming year of life treat you of highest regards! *pushes a box wrapped in wrapping paper colored like his outfit, and upon opening it, you find some winter gloves with an embroidered bell on the backs of the hands, cupping what looks like a Keychain, shaped like a gladiolus flower.* The gladiolus means strength. And knowing how hard it is to be a club leader and a Student Council president, you're gonna need it! Greatest days, sir Flamme! *Oh hey, there was also a coupon for that bakery you liked! A free treat of your choice! Looks legit too.*

Imagine bells embroidered on the back of the image of the gloves—

Thank you to Omori for teaching me about the gladiolus 🫶

You blew the party noisemaker again, extending its tail to brush against Rollo's nose and tickle it. He sniffed, unamused, and provided a thin smile.

"What practical choices for presents," he noted, running a hand along the winter gloves nestled in a bed of tissue paper. "The winters in the City of Flowers can be brutal and chilling. Protection against the elements is essential if one wishes to survive such a challenging time of year.

"This coupon will also see use, even if for a single transaction. The difference in money saved for the purchase of a croissant is meager, but it is money saved nevertheless."

"Why not use the coupon to try out a new bread or pastry that you wouldn't normally try?" you suggested, tapping at the coupon.

"What?" Rollo tapped one finger against the gift box--a sign of annoyance. "Do not speak such nonsense. I am very particular about what I consume and I do not stray from that. Perhaps indulgence is a worldly pleasure you Night Raven College students partake in, but not I."

"Ehhh, suit yourself." You shrugged, knowing that it was futile to try and change his mind. "What do you think about your last present? Do you like it as much as the others?"

"The keychain?" Rollo uttered the term as though it were a distant, estranged relative. "I am not an expert in aesthetics, and nor do I care to fixate on fashion. I typically find accessories to be needless add-ons."

Ouch. He doesn't mince his words.

He paused to clear his throat, a fist to his mouth.

"However... I do find the motif upon this keychain to be of interest. The gladiolus is also known as the 'sword flower', perhaps because of its similar shape when the flowers cluster. As you have said, they are meant to bestow strength upon the recipient.”

A small smile founds its way onto his face, though his eyes remained dark.

“Fufufu, it is a most considerate gift on your part. I could do with the strength.”

“Wow, Prez,” you marveled, “I didn't realize you were so knowledgeable about the language of flowers. I’m just glad you ended up liking the keychain after all! You had me worried there for a sec.”

“Hmph, indeed.”

He smirked to himself.

I will need the strength to persist through this birthday party.