#how am I reconciled to God
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Reconciliation with God
In his letter to the Christians at Corinth, the apostle Paul wrote that “God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them” (2 Cor 5:19). The word reconcile translates the Greek word katallassō (καταλλάσσω), which refers to “the exchange of hostility for a friendly relationship.”[1] According to Merrill F. Unger, “Reconciliation, therefore, means that…
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#2 Cor 5:19#2 Corinthians 5:19#faith alone#how am I reconciled to God#how do we have peace with God#Jesus died for my sins#Jesus died for our sins#My sins were imputed to Jesus#not counting their sins against them#Not counting their trespasses against them#peace with God#reconciled with God#reconciliation#reconciliation for sins#Reconciliation with God#redemption#salvation#saved by grace through faith#the basis for reconciliation#the death of Christ#The value of Jesus&039; death#what did the death of Christ accomplish?
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Mysterious Lotus Casebook (2023) // Anne Carson
#just thinking abt how li lihuan’s life was never his until he remade it into something he knew he was never going to be able to keep#& even then not really when so much of it was formed in the shadow of what had once made him#& as soon as he’d found something. someone. to live for. he couldn’t.#when your myth becomes your god and your future fractures you into a pawn. ruled by the actions of those surrounding you#who get to move you as another piece in their own game. and your personhood is lost. until the one person you meet who loved you first as a#legend begins to know you truly and love you as a person & as yourself. to the point that reconciling you as the same myth becomes a cruel#ty. to see what you have & to know you are going to lose it. to look at your soulmate. the person who knows you#in your bones. your best friend. and to be seen. and to know you cannot keep him. ANYWAY.#mysterious lotus casebook#bet y’all thoguht i was over them I. AM NOT. i will never be. holy fuck. never.#li lianhua#li xiangyi#fang duobing#fang xiaobao#di feisheng#mlc#mlcedit#cdrama#parallels
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nothing like a 12 am spiral over religious trauma lol
#over the past year i've been struggling a lot with my beliefs and how i was raised#i am still part of the church and i want to pull away from it so badly#but i am not in a safe place to do that at the moment#so i am stuck in this vicious cycle#and at times i feel very trapped#and i'm not quite sure what to do or how to get myself out of it#it's really hard when it's all you've ever known#and you feel like a heretic and like you're sinning for questioning god and his existence#there are just things i cannot reconcile#and it's especially difficult when you've always been the 'good girl' and you know it would rock everyone's world if you came out and said#you didn't believe what you've been taught your whole life#don't even get me started on if i ever came out as queer to anyone in my life lmao#anyway ignore me i'm just having a moment#tw religious trauma
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grief will have you saying shit like goddamn and fuck maybe the abuse was worth it
#ive made this post before i just cant find it and it’s all im feeling rn#god i miss my parents so fucking much even though they were the cause of SO MANY of my problems that idk if i’ll ever heal from#but navigating life w this grief and without their support- however little it was- feels like hell#but the abuse felt like hell too.#ive said it before but i was JUST getting to a place where i felt i could stand up for myself and knock down thwir shit a few pegs. or at#least become more resistant to it#i saw a future with them in it for the first time in my LIFE#and it was bc i’d done SO MUCH FUCKING WORK. and now i feel like it was all so fucking useless#it’d be easier if i was still in the phase of anger i was at like 19#but i’d processed that quite a bit and was trying to move on#FUCK. i had made SO much goddamn progress right before my mom got sick#then everything went down the toilet cus i cannot fucking have anything#it’s so unfair. i wish i could at least redo the last 3 years of my life#i would’ve done things so much different but i was so traumatized and still so angry and bitter and trying to preserve myself#ive come to the realization tjat the person i am today did not exist back then and therefore i shouldnt beat myself up bc it literally wasnt#available to me. i couldnt have done anythimg different bc i was in such a state of survival#and truthfully ive grown a lot since then even if im still in the trenches#the timeline of my entire life has been so fucking unfair#and i dont know how to reconcile any of it i dont know how to cope with my worst fears coming true#and i mean worst fears. even the way they passed. spot on to my worst fears#i despised what they did to me but i still didnt see life without them until i was at least 30#it was all so sudden and quick and shocking#yeah they were horrible parents but i was a horrible kid too. maybe i straight up just deserved that shit#and i’d go back to that and seeing a future with them in an instant#over this bullshit#it’s so hard. and then losing all my pets too at the SAME TIME. all my babies#everything that i loved ripped away from me in the span of MONTHS#it’s all too much. l oh fucking l. no wonder im 3 shots deep at fucking 3 pm#it just hurts so bad. so fucking bad.
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I have a dumb question, and I really hope this doesn’t sound rude. What’s the logic for some of the characters? Like, if they’re the “hero” in their storyline, but they don’t seem to follow Biblical doctrine… does that even count? I’m sorry if that sounds snotty; I don’t mean to have an attitude.
No, you're fine!!
Short answer: I don't know, I'm not the one sending in the characters 😂
But really I would say there's not necessarily a consistent logic that they have to fit. That's part of the beauty of Christianity, isn't it? Anyone who repents and believes is welcome; it's not limited to any certain type of people. For the characters people are sending in here, I think there are a few categories. There are some that fit what you said, who already hold Christian morals and who one could easily headcanon as being Christian within the story. Sometimes people send in villains who they want to have redemption arcs and become Christian. Sometimes it's characters who are Christian; mostly it's characters people would like to see become Christian.
#my favorite character who i headcanon as Christian is one who generally has very Christian morals and really wants to do good#but also lies a lot. and i think in that case it's like i could see him being Christian in the story#because Christians aren't perfect and even people who don't have their whole act together can believe#I'm not justifying continuing to do wrong. I'm trying to figure out how to phrase it#i think there's some post I've seen about how even terrible characters who do terrible things can be Christian#if they're repentant i think? point being that all of us are sinners and a character doesn't have to be perfectly good to be a believer#because none of us are. and a line from a song i know 'though I'm wretched i am not faithless' about a character who#has done bad things and is struggling to reconcile his actions with God's love and forgiveness#anyway. i was saying the character i like comes across to me as an imperfect Christian but also as someone who could really benefit from#learning and growing in the faith. i want to see that character grow morally stronger and become more like Jesus!!!#it would be good for him 🤷♀️#and that's kinda the point of most of the characters people send. they either seem like they could genuinely BE Christian#or are characters people think really need Christianity in their lives#sometimes it's 'this character seems Christian' and sometimes it's 'i like this character and want them to become Christian'#i think characters who don't follow Biblical doctrine fall under either imperfect and learning Christian or needs Jesus in their life#ask
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For no reason in particular I think it's really important to note that as much as I am a pretty intense atheist irl in 2024 I do not blame Sarenrae for all of Tristian's fuckups and am generally disinclined to point fingers at the gods in Kingmaker for mortal affairs (someone at Owlcat just straight up hates Shelyn and whatever they are doing there is mildly incoherent). Is it best practice to leave your now ex-angel with Nyrissa? Definitely not, many things would have been solved by Tristian Not being there. But I don't think in the least that Sarenrae has "broken" Tristian out of malice or neglect. I believe that Tristian's divinity was an extraordinary privilege which was revoked for Tristian's failures to be worthy of that privilege (which I hardly think started with Nyrissa, that was just the breaking point).
I also think that there's a way of seeing being left at that moment as both a moment of harm reduction and a trial of faith. I don't think Nyrissa expected to find herself with an angel who had fallen. I think she had likely prepared to manipulate an actual outsider, had wanted someone in command of the full range of their supernatural abilities. And I think such a being could have enabled more damage much faster. And as for the trial of faith: I think there was a solve to this puzzle, a way to prove that one could hold themself to the extraordinary standards of a servant of the transcendent divine, and that was to have faith in the goddess regardless of fear and to refuse to cooperate no matter what. To as soon as aware refuse to be complicit in the slaughter of innocents, the assassination of a stranger. I'm not the world's biggest self-sacrifice advocate and Balthazar certainly reflects that about me but: these are the deeds of heroes and saints. Furthermore, the soul of a mortal can be recovered. If Tristian dies in chapter seven, the given explanation is that they can't be resurrected because Sarenrae has intervened- I firmly believe that if Tristian had died standing up to Nyrissa Sarenrae would have reclaimed them and restored their divinity. Tristian's failures are failures of first ego and then cowardice. When push actually came to shove, they could not be what they claimed to be. It's pitiable. It's very human. Huge fan of the angel who fails by being too human and too flawed. But I do not place this at the feet of Sarenrae. Not fully, at least. Not even mostly.
Of course, Balthazar would be a different matter: he's always happy to throw accusations to the heavens.
#with all that said if the only PF you've had contact with is Owlcat's Kingmaker I think the 'all gods bad and apathetic and cruel' read#does make sense with the text#it was my first exposure to the lore and the first exposure of many friends and this was a big point of discussion in 2020#in isolation it makes sense but in the broader context of PF lore it just comes off extremely strange from the understanding I have#and I think that Owlcat's Kingmaker is also far far too uncritical of that divine/mortal dynamic for me to think it was intended#I think this is a classic moment of Owlcat Just Didn't Think About It#at least in KM I do not speak for Wrath and do not think I am really able to speak for Wrath on this topic#at any rate I've spent a lot of time reflecting on how to reconcile this story with the setting and presumed intent#(largely because I think it was irresponsible to leave Tris with Nyrissa not because it was bad to Tris but because They Killed People)#lot of space for varied interpretation tho#that's your triscourse post of the day. time to go to work on a Saturday.#rambling#tristian#triscourse#pfkm spoilers
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DATV Spoiler thing (Late-Game Crow Thoughts)
in my heart of hearts, I do not think Lucanis would remain as first talon for very long (or a crow for that matter), and if I had MY way with the DA lore the events of datv and its final battle would spell the end for the Crows, at least as the organization as we know them. I think both Tevinter Nights and datv's Treviso plotline, and even going back all the way to Zevran, demonstrate that the Crows strategy of "cruelty breeds strength" is not viable, and instead breeds bitterness and infighting.
DATV's ending is pretty open-ended, so the most optimal outcome in my opinion is after the fight, Lucanis refuses the title of First Talon (as he states multiple times in The Wigmaker Job that he doesn't want it) and publicly resigns as a Crow to join Rook's Veilguard full-time, which results in a blow too large for the Crows to handle after all their losses in the fight against the Gods. Maybe even Caterina is killed in the Big Battle, if we're lucky.
I think it would be cool if the Crows were rebuilt (most likely by Teia and Viago?) as something closer to their function in DATV, Antivan patriots protecting their home, and did away with things like the compradi and other excessively cruel aspects of the Crows. The New Crows would also let their members choose their contracts freely and leave if they want to. I don't think they'd be as influential or powerful of a force as they were before, but it would lay a more stable foundation and return them to their revolutionary roots.
Alternatively, the Crows 100% fall apart, leading to a time of chaos for Antiva, escalated perhaps by Viago actually making a bid for the throne.
Even if neither of those outcomes happen though, it does not change the fact that Lucanis Dellamorte would not accept the title of First Talon, especially after spending time with the Veilguard team, no matter the consequences. Even if the Crows remain completely unchanged and he had to become a fugitive like Zevran, I think he would. (Besides, he'd have the Veilguard protecting him, a group that quite literally just saved the entire world, in a more public way than the hero of Ferelden). Everything in his arc, from both his short story and the game, points away from the Crows.
#datv spoilers#veilguard spoilers#imo imo imo#i'm aware that this is basically just fanfiction but it's how i'm reconciling with the crows' writing in this game until I am proven wrong#bc to me i interpret the crows in datv to be an evolving organization#they've gone through a lot of changes in leadership and are being put into a new situation#and i think it's a cool opportunity to make some changes#and listen if one chantry blowing up in the free marches can have such drastic consequences for southern thedas#i think it's safe to assume a battle with two ancient gods could have pretty big consequences#here's to hoping that BW eventually does something cool (different!) w/ the Crows and specifically Lucanis#and doesn't just keep going down the path of “hey isn't the enslaving murder cult the coolest”
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i was so set on replaying veilguard for the davrinmance but oh my god im SO attached to my agent-of-fenharel hardingmancer rn i actually think the choice is out of my hands lol
#oc: evander#datv#tay plays datv#datv spoilers#deia's brother btw !!!! very much giving anders vibes if anders was kind of deadbeat oldest son who frequents the club#him having sold out the inquisition on solas's instruction and then falling for one of the scouts who was hurt the most by it#very much a mirror to solavellan except theyre literally just people and ultimately victims of their leader's organizations overarching war#and harding being sympathetic to solas enough to reach evanders conscience even during Peak radicalization#but holding solas accountable enough to potentially sway evanders mind#and then evander learning the truth about solas but also specifically what that means for harding the person hes grown to love#having to reconcile that his own rebel-fantasy is not more important than the very real pain his loved ones have gone thru as a result#and like figuring out what going forward looks like. is he STILL sympathetic but its tempered? or does he go full anti-solas in an act of#redemption which would also probably involve him telling harding to embrace her anger and not her loving side?? which is kind of the invers#of his own arc.#GOD.#AND THEN ITS LIKE. DO I KILL OFF HARDING AT THE END???? THAT WOULD BE SOOOOO CRAZY FOR THE *STORY*#i think she has to live actually bc i hate the fridged wife trope and solas Is ultimately redeemed in this worldstate#and if harding died bc of solas (and evanders varricmancer sister also lost varric) evander WOULD be team kill immediately no exceptions#but still food for thought#god. chat i am fucking COOKING today this is crazy#hes not technically my rook bc he works way better in the story as a ~companion~ to deia (his sister) the actual protag#but both he and matthas (the other pro-inquisition brother) could arguably have been the Rook as well.#all 3 of the mercar siblings were AT the ritual but for different reasons (evander to aid solas. matthas to kill solas. deia to stop him)#so MAYBE I WILL romance harding instead this time...... how are we feeling abt hardings romance babes is it good. do we recommend
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#the problem with writing an old mond fic that I'm trying to explore Topics with is#it has dwelved from 'I want to write about why Amos stuck with Deca for so long and the messed up love between them'#to. oh boy. googling the life of the last emperor of china of which I am morbidly facinated with.#(terrible spineless self centered coward of a guy. treated as god since age 4)#(but also general chinese emperors and royalty who all really sucked and basing deca and amos both on a lot of that)#to general little morality things bc. its a story of how amos was complicit/supportive of terrible things under deca but still joined rebel#to. reading about the causes of revolutions???? and writing that into old mond's inherit instability and why nb's revolution worked#into now. attitudes on the ethics meat consumption of bc amos is a hunter who grew up outside of old mond and its culture#and forced into old mond's culture (<- my backstory for her)#which also has implications of Amos having to struggle to reconcile her heritage culture with the one she has to live in now#........and though it I keep forgetting that the initial thing I wanted to explore is deca/amos Problematic(tm) love#which means the plot is now a dredged down mess I'll have to fix in a second draft#......uh for anyone who thinks this sounds interesting. no promises on it actually getting finished or being good#this has spirled way out of control from its initial inception#but ya know all art has a political slant to it and boy nothing says political like 'story about revolution' so we'll see how this all goes#(this is also why I don't write fic or stories often lol I take its ideas too seriously and it completely consumes me until I finish it)#personal //
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#misc#negativity ahead#have you ever been jealous of your own work#im sitting here and staring at nonlinear absolution- a fic i wrote when i barely understood mk lore#and im thinking to myself i will never write another thing that people love this much ever again#its not even that great of a fic but people ate it up and like while i absolutely love how excited people were about it#i guess i kinda feel sad??? because i dont know how i am ever going to top it?#generally i write for very niche things anyway whether it be niche fandoms or niche ships so like im very used to little engagement#hence why i never cared about numbers#but then nonlinear absolution happened and it got well over 2000 hits?? over 100 kudos??? comments on every single chapter???#and i guess it kinda spoiled the way i view my own writing#god this sounds so dumb lol it sounds like im complaining that i wrote a fic that was too successful#i promise thats not it 😭 its just that the standard has been raised in a way i dont know how to reconcile#to be deleted
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baby, AotC anakin, or Clone wars early anakin, or Clone wars s7 anakin or RotS anakin???
ahaha this is EASY
BABY BOY AOTC ANAKIN. MOST DELICIOUS BOY IN THE WORLD
rots anakin my belovedddd <3 he's sooo sexy with his hair and his mech arm and his going insane
the clone wars anakin? idk him
#ok. i love love LOVE both rots anakin and aotc a very similar (big) amount.#the only reason aotc anakin goes first is bc my body just reacts a BIT more strongly to him hahah.#but dont be fooled i am not normal about rots anakin either. he's insanely delicious as well.#im just SLIGHTLY more insane about aotc anakin#as for tcw anakin 😔 the reality is that he's SO different from movie anakin.#it took me quite a while to actually reconcile both portrayals when i started watching clone wars.#he just felt like a different character. the way he talks and acts and relates to other characters is very different to movie anakin.#(and if im honest i actually never did sgdjdhjd i just got used to watching him)#i don't really think about tcw anakin basically 🤷♀️#obv it's fine if ppl like him. i just prefer movie anakin#THO i do love tcw anakin's obsession with r2 ill give him that. gave us so much r2ani god bless#sw#anakin#f.ask#anyways: I LOVE ANAKIN#alsooo i am curiousssss#who's YOUR fave? how would u tier them? 👀
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Me, losing my absolute mind over the fairies and the greater implications of it all and the intricacies I swear to fucking god are there I swear to fucking GOD there's way more to them than meets the eye and I'm going to fucking get all the alts I fucking can so I can study The Lore and I'll fucking get to the fucking bottom of it all --
.............. you know what. A nap does sound nice.
#fire emblem#feh#i think maybe peony is just like that.#man.... i'm like. split between desperately wanting them to do more with her character ESP this new development#and like. almost respecting it. actually.#like knee jerk reaction of crying bad writing/god forbid women get anything ever aside#EXCLUSIVELY considering this in-universe. peony knows exactly what's she's about#she knows exactly what she wants and has an unwavering optimism one track mind about it#LIKE....... i kinda want to put her in the same category as corrin.#someone who actively CHOOSES kindness and love and hope ESP in the face of The Horrors#which can come off as naive or gullible or childish but like. corrin isn't stupid for it.#they have hope and they were sheltered. they hold onto hope even after learning how harsh#and complicated things can be outside of their tower. i almost want to say the same can be said for peony.#she's always been hopeful. she's always been optimistic. and maybe absolutely in the beginning#it was childish naivety (esp on the account of. being a child LMFAO)#but i think what i'm thinking here is now she's finally gotten a chance to grow a little....#remember and reconcile w her past... reconnect with her sister....#and in it all she chooses hope. also not to mention her desire to help others above all else#which IS WHAT MADE HER PEONY IN THE FIRST PLACE‼️‼️‼️ IF/WHEN SHE SWAPPED W SHARENA‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️#peony i am NOT overthinking it. i suffer from divine visions you see. I WILL CONTINUE TO BE OBSESSED W YOU#(also both of these are her 40 convo i just had to go back to grab the overthinking it dialogue)#(and i want everyone to see. my one orb of incredible pain. i did have to spark for her. 🫥)#fe peony
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i'm having some sort of revelation and now i can't stop thinking about how beautiful trans people are in a spiritual sense. like god looked down at his creation and decided that he wanted humans to share in his creativity, which is why we can build things and make art and all that. but also he gave us the creative power to be who we are! what evangelicals don't understand is that trans people existing doesn't take anything away from god's ability to create. they're just proof that we share in his ability to create, and also that he wants us to be creative. the longer i live as queer the more i realize exactly how beautifully trans people fit into creation.
#ramblings#random thoughts#transness is beautiful#queerness is beautiful#and also from a theological standpoint#simply existing as a trans person aligns so perfectly with what god's will is for those who believe in him#it could almost be a metaphor#and this is what i mean when i say deconstruction has actually strengthened my faith#nothing in christianity truly made sense to me before#i was just told over and over again that what i was being taught did in fact make sense#but it didn't#and realizing that lots of what is in the bible and lots of what is taught in the modern day church is pure bs#that has nothing to do with god#i mostly realized that through my own queerness and transness#and the process of reconciling my beliefs and worldview with who i know i am was so powerful#because you realize how beautifully trans and queer identities fit into god's creation#and how beautifully those identities demonstrate god's quality of creativity and how his will for us is to be creative as well#and to share in the process of pure unadulterated creation#is just so incredible#it's a magnificent truth of the world#ok i'm rambling#i'm done now#but i love being trans and i love having a personal relationship with a god who loves that i am trans
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true bestiehood would be letting me make them watch mummy on the orient express with them and let me watch their reactions and listen to me talk about it and repeat this until they get the significance of every line
#but I can’t offer that to anyone who will accept so it’s just me and god and the telepaths#who can hear me thinking and feeling about this episode in which#two space time travellers consider not time travelling together anymore#but in a way that makes it pretty clear to the both of them that they a) are so melancholy about it and#b) still care about each other outside of travelling companionship#c) would want to see each other again and the thought of not that is very solemn#d) one is trying to entice the other in using dangerous thrills they know the other likes#e) a passerby explicitly points out that this relationship’s end seems to involve a lot more commemoration and nostalgia than#a clean parting after a big disagreement — no strings attached#f) one comes to forgive the other and reconcile their perspectives#g) also admitting that maybe this relationship is not healthy but it’s addictive#h) keeping this information from one’s partner.#an emotional affair.#having flashbacks to that text post thats like dw series 8 in which Clara Oswald treats her bf and also a 2000 year old alien#both of them like the side piece until one of them dies#I dunno man. relevantly I need to watch banshees of inishierin (??) which is also about dissolution of friendship#just to see how humans do it#I relate to this version — no clean breaks. recurring yearning — as an ND because friends are that much harder to make#also… it’s hard to forget someone if you’ve hurt them. as if I could fix it by being any different from me…#I am changing my spiky nature. I am noticing it#and changing my responses.#it still crops up sometimes#I hope I can be tolerable in company in 10 years time#or barring that — all my significant others live in my neighbourhood and we are neighbours and I still get my much needed solitude
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my god. so i’m working on a single i wanted to put out 1.5 years ago lol (surprise) but really wanted to give more to it but just didn’t have the means and man….
retrieving vocal stems from one DAW that only allowed me 8 tracks like i knew i was making it work with whatever i had and that sometimes meant bass sharing a track with vocals sharing a track with bg vocals sharing a- 😭
and now i’m crying (bc i have to sort it out but that’s also bc) damn we really were living in squalor had to give myself a little kiss bc damn you really made that work babes i’m astonished and it still sounded dynamic and great i really took time to calculate what effects would work overall on a track with whatever i had on it it had to work across the board and it still sounded good eye- now i’ve just started a new DAW like a month+ ago (still holding my head whenever i need to add a new track just waiting for the other shoe…) but i’m already feeling less stressed (miss some definite things so i’ll be back to start something or add something and then move to the other but ehh we’ll make it work like we are now)
#daw still a freebie i ain’t got money lol#but man. glad to have it#(i am in need & free is free but absolutely refuse to acknowledge the fucking name)#anyway FMN GONNA BE RELEASED???#now to figure out if i want to actually make the mv i have recorded on my phone#my god when i do or don’t my phone storage use is about to drop Drastically😭#cannot believe i held on to it for this long like … maybe i will be able to release it maybe i’ll make it if we get to give the#song what it needs wow what an optimist#the song itself coulda been released i made peace with how sparse i felt it was it wasn’t that empty but i could feel it#but i couldn’t reconcile little issues in the vocals#which weren’t bc of the vox themselves i was so sad because they sounded vv good it was just a couple external things i couldn’t cover w#only 8 tracks so i didn’t want to re-record even though i knew i wanted to to hopefully not have it happen again#but i loved what i was able to dooo so nooooooooo#and here we are a year and a half later finally 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
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Just a thought
But does anybody else need to lock themselves away in a log cabin with a roaring fire, an unconsumable amount of weed and whiskey, and Elliott Smith records and just have a complete artistic breakdown?
If you do, and you have such a log cabin, hit me up and we'll break down together and create some shit.
#Yet another whiskey fuelled post#I long to create as I have created before#I'm so sure this is just artistic burnout but this is what I need to get back to where I need to be#I love my family and my situation#I am beyond grateful for the position I have found myself in#But I was supposed to just create until death took me#Now I don't know how to reconcile the life I have with the life my brain prepared itself for#Thank god I have a therapy appointment tomorrow#He is in for an earful#This is definitely the downward spiral I've been feeling coming on for a while#And to my friends who will see this and worry#don't worry#I am safe and I can maintain#The whiskey is just letting me access some things that I can't otherwise access#I love you#Let's wrap this up until the next drunken post#God damn
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