#how about you think about how you can advocate for or offer help to queer people in red states before you write them all off as lost?

[dykebeckett]

can you people be normal about red states for five minutes please

[munsons-mutiny]

I’ve had this headcanon forever and it’s just never come up anywhere, so I figured it’s time to write about it.

Caleb’s spell that he makes for Veth, Widogast’s Transmorigification, has major implications for Exandria’s trans population! This could be the magical equivalent of top or bottom surgery only it’s down to a biological level! I’m sure they’ve had their own procedures, but a body that you can personally design does seem like an upgrade from whatever technology/magic they have available!

I like to believe that Caleb doesn’t think about the spell in that context at first, why would he? It was designed for someone with a different type of body dysphoria, and he doesn’t interact with too many trans people (at least that he knows, I have no clue if he knows about Yussa, and they haven’t seen Bryce in ages).

But once he starts teaching, and establishes himself as a safe space for queer kids (you can’t tell me the empire is super open minded, especially their most prestigious traditional institution) the application becomes obvious. The first time his favorite student, a small purple tiefling named Aza who reminds him so much of Molly it hurts, comes to him mid-breakdown because of how bad the dysphoria is the solution just immediately pops into his head. He could fix this for her, give her the body she should’ve been born in.

He comforts her the best he can and then calls a meeting of the lgbt club he has set up (it’s run under the radar to make it safe even for students who aren’t out to their peers yet). Where he gives a presentation on the spell, and it’s capabilities, even has Veth come in to show the results and have her talk about her experience and if there had been any side effects.

A couple students in the room cry at the possibility, some remain uninterested, but many are enraptured with the idea.

In what seems like the blink of an eye Caleb has suddenly become an underground queer hero, he starts performing the spell free of cost to anyone who wants it and is above the legal age (you just have to help dig up the clay if you can). Ends up having a whole medical procedure to the spell, where he takes them to the blooming grove (which I imagine has plenty of clays heheh) where it’s peaceful and they can talk everything over with caduceus before and after. Who can guide them through their feelings much better than Caleb though he always tries his best. He always offer the option to go back as well (though they have to wait a year, which is of course stated beforehand) if it isn’t the solution they were hoping for.

(Totally off track but I fully believe Caduceus ends up super involved in Caleb’s queer club, there’s so little aro ace rep and seeing someone whose so confident in it would be so helpful for them, and I think it would be so comforting for Caddy to see others like him and to know he’s not alone in that)

They keep the whole operation quiet, but it spreads silently throughout the queer community, Astrid even stepping in a time or two to keep it off the Assembly’s radar (She may be straight, but she’s poly with a bi partner, and I believe she’ll use her powers for causes she believes in for better or worse. Thankfully this is one of them).

There’s still discrimination against the queer community, but this quiet movement starts to spread to the point that almost every member of the nein is involved. Beau uses her connections at the Soul to get new documentation for people with proper names and pronouns. Yasha starts running Rexxentrum’s first self-sustainable lgbt safehouse for kids with nowhere to go (the garden is incredible). Jester and Fjord turn Fjord’s old orphanage into a second lgbt safehouse after he gets it shut down. Veth adds lgbt education to her camps curriculum, and is an advocate for same sex healthcare in the Nicodranas school system. She has a tunic that says proud mother of a bisexual wizard that she wears a little too often much to Caleb’s chagrin. Even Kingsley (illegal pirate king that he may be, my beloved) ends up becoming as involved as possible in Caleb’s group. Loves learning more about gender identity, and becomes the first Plank King to be openly gender fluid (probably who knows, I don’t know much about Darktows history but I def didn’t get super queer vibes). Makes sure Dark-Tow is accepting of all who turn to piracy, and imposes harsh laws against discrimination.

Essek looks on all of this with pride, so proud of Caleb and even the small role that he got to play in the spells creation. It’s the first time he gets to see something he helped with create good in the world. With Caleb’s permission he ends up sneaking back into the dynasty and leaving a copy of the finished spell on the Bright Queens desk, with a big created by Caleb Widogast across it (with whatever the wizard equivalent of copyright is). In a culture that centers around rebirth in different bodies, the idea that you could choose to have your original body back is a big deal. Dysphoria after consecuted individuals get their magic back is a huge problem within the dynasty, and it does Essek a lot of good to know that he’s done something actually helpful for his country.

Basically this got super long winded and out of hand, and I know Matt has largely cut homophobia, transphobia, and non-fantasy racism from Exandria but this idea would just not leave me alone!! And either way the spells implications for a gender affirming procedure are still super relevant.

[justinspoliticalcorner]

Daniel Villarreal at LGBTQ Nation:

The book publisher Scholastic has published a Pride guide giving educators and child advocates a list of LGBTQ+-themed books for children of all ages as well as support resources for mental health and fighting right-wing book bans. The guide comes eight months after the company was widely criticized for allowing schools to opt out of offering “diverse” books on racial and LGBTQ+ issues at its school book fairs. Though Scholastic introduced the policy to help educators adhere to state legislation and district policies banning queer content and ��critical race theory” in schools, it reversed the opt-out policy after authors and educators blamed the company for complying to book banning rather than challenging such bans.

“As a teacher, librarian, educator, or caregiver, how you interact with all children and teens around queerness matters,” Scholastic’s guide states. “What literature you provide them with, and how you talk about both literature and identity, can have an immense, life-changing impact on the young people in your life…. Whether or not they are out to themselves or you, you absolutely know queer children and interact with them in your classrooms, libraries, and communities.” “Books and literature are never neutral,” the guide continues. “By engaging with queer literature for children and young adults, you are disrupting the status quo that implies being cisgender, heterosexual, and allosexual are the default. You are showing children an expanded way of thinking and being that validates all children and all people.” The guide includes a glossary of LGBTQ+ terms and concepts as well as three-page resource list. The list includes national LGBTQ+ organizations, lists of award-winning queer children’s books, information about LGBTQ+ identities, advocacy groups for being a better ally, mental health resources, as well as educator and librarian resources, including free-speech organizations that fight against book bans.

“Unfortunately, many communities are experiencing significant pushback to supporting the rights and needs of queer youth and the inclusion of queer literature in classrooms and libraries,” the guide states. “If you or anyone you know needs them, make sure to utilize the links to mental health and censorship hotlines included in this guide.”

Over a year ago, Scholastic allowed (and later rescinded) a policy that permitted schools to opt out of receiving books dealing with racial justice and LGBTQ+ themes for its book fairs.

Now, Scholastic released an LGBTQ+ Pride educator guide fighting discriminatory book ban policies that disproportionately target LGBTQ+ works.

[symphonic-scream]

Yes, 100%

:D

Everyone has a pet that has the name of their persona (cause I'm sentimental) like. Morgana is just Akira's emotional support cat but he also has a little red bird names Arsene. Goro has two mice named Robin Hood and Loki, and Futaba has a ferret named Necronomicon

In the quad apartment there's Carmen the cat, Goemon the turtle, and Captain Kidd the snake

As for Makoto and Haru, there's M'Lady the large rabbit and Johanna the doberman. Hifumi doesn't have a pet yet, but maybe one day

The Okumura-Niijima apartment is right above the bakery and cafe, but they made sure to add an entrance at the back so they don't have to work through the shop front to get home (Makoto sometimes has an overwhelming day at her placements. Sometimes Haru's relapsing into her caged mindset. They wanted a safe route in and out without crowds)

M'Lady sometimes spends Haru's time working the cafe with her. They made a little throne for her at the far side of the counter. Regular customers like to bring her little veggies to snack on

Makoto is training Johanna to work as an EMA. She wants to give her future patients as much comfort as possible, like being able to offer sessions with her and her dog. It's a work in progress, she got the idea when she met Joker (and Morgana) for the first time

I have stories for everyone meeting Joker too so. Let me know if you want those

Hifumi is at first dumbfounded when she discovers Makoto is trans. Akira had told her one of the wives were and based on how they present themselves, she assumed it was Haru. She and Makoto have many long talks about how they define femininity and such. For Makoto, it's in her spirit of rebellion. Being a woman to her is refusing to conform, not to accept the hand she's dealt but to stand up and push for what she wants

And for Haru, it's more like a comfort. She's always felt, protected by her own inner view of the world. She sees her own femininity as like, frills and fluff and treating herself. Inner love. They balance each other well

Makoto: I notice you hunch a lot. Is your height something that makes you feel a little dysphoric?

Hifumi: ah, I suppose so. I'm taller than both you and Haru, and Akira too...

Makoto: I have a solution for that. Want to feel short? You should visit our other friends' place. They're all tall there

Haru: she's right! Ann and Yusuke are both, very tall!

There's lots of conversations about gender and sexuality between Hifumi and all the thieves, about how they found themselves and tips they have for being queer. Some are, awkwardly personal

Hifumi: did you. Have your surgeries yet?

Makoto: ...it's 9 am I'm- I'm not talking about this that early I'm sorry

Haru: just a tip, you don't have to have any to be trans! You can have one, or the other, both or none! Gender and sex are personal to you, don't let anyone else dictate your experience

Makoto is red in the face and sipping at iced water trying to ignore the Convo (it's the one topic she's nervous about. Only because she doesn't like hospitals.)

Hifumi: why do you guys have two spare rooms anyways? For family?

Makoto: oh, no

Haru: can you keep a secret? Don't tell Akira or the others, but... We're thinking of having a baby

Hifumi: ...am I your test run for parenthood?

Makoto: no, don't be silly. That was when we took care of Futaba when they were fighting with the boys

Haru's father isn't a fan of her relationship with Makoto, but he accepted he has no say in whether they're together or not and stays out of their hair. He's, working on being supportive. It's taking him time to learn

Sae on the other hand has been Makoto's number one advocate for years. She helped her sister find herself back when Makoto was just in middle school, and even set her up at a vastly different highschool to start fresh

Goro is horribly awkward around anyone but Akira or Futaba. He's. Like a stick. It freaks Hifumi out at first

Just. Hifumi experiences all sorts of love too. Seeing her friends who found their forever people, platonic love, the sort of familial love she forms with Makoto and Haru-

I have many many thoughts please keep talking to me about this I'm,

Also. Help me find a name for this au so I can make a tag for it! Send me suggestions

[x-soapbox-x]

Sigh vent post. Tw transphobia

So I work for [unnamed] and we do screenings for law firms to see if people meet criteria for different class action lawsuits/victim compensation. And I’m in a meeting, and supervisor goes “oh I know this is a sensitive subject, but some of the clients we are getting on [recent case] identify with different genders then the ones in their file. We still need to know [relevant medical info] and they might not like that we have to ask them these questions” and then she proceeds to tell a story about a case she did where a ‘Gentleman’ wanted to go by a woman’s name, and in explaining her story was like he this, he that, you know. Which does grate on my nervous, like obviously that’s a woman right? And she basically ends like You Just Have to call them what They Want to be Called. So at the end of the meeting she asks for comments or questions and I jump in like “hey in regards to having clients with different gender identities, if anyone doesn’t know how to navigate that or the language to use, I’m a queer advocate in my area and I’m extremely comfortable with these kinds of situations so I will gladly speak with any transgender clients or answer any questions anyone may have.” Very non hostile, very helpful. And she just seemed taken aback like, oh we’re professionals so I think we are capable of talking with anyone. But then she was like maybe we will have you do a training for those situations or something but I don’t think she was serious. I just hate when anytime the topic comes up and I’m like. Hey if your unsure about this I can help :) I hate how it’s like suddenly I’m holding a lit dynamite the way the tension in the air goes. I accept and understand that cis people who never (knowingly) interact with trans people are ignorant and clueless, and I don’t think that’s a bad thing in all cases. I’m down to teach. I’m patient and good at explaining things if you’re down to listen. But I hate that people bristle. Like I get why, it’s a Political Topic. But like hello this is my nice ‘we are employed by a law firm’ face. Knowing that they’d run for the hills seeing me in my off days all trans rights punked out isn’t as satisfying as I’d like it to be. And I hate that the default in the meeting was “trans people are Other” like, no one who works here could possibly be queer. I hate that the assumption is that cis and straight are Normal and we are all Normal here. I hate that the default is unwelcoming. Like if only you guys knew the beauty and the art and the humor and the strength of queer people. But they’ll never see it and tbh they don’t deserve access to that. I’m just tired of everywhere I work it becoming an issue to the point that even this minor shit has my patience thin. My last job was really bad about it. And I think what gets me is that otherwise, these people are good people. And I think I hate that most- like a bigot is a bigot, but I hate that regular good people get infected by that bigotry, and it’s no less evil for being there bc it upholds the status quo (aka systems of oppression) But how the fuck do you hold onto the two world views and not split in half? I came to the political stances I hold bc as a kid I was compassionate and I saw pain and it led me from feminism to queer politics to class politics and now I’m just left as fuck bc I CARE about the other people I share the planet with. How can a person preach about respect when it’s…superficial at best? idk I’m glad I offered my knowledge if it means our trans clients won’t have to deal, but as a nb adjacent worker I’m like. Oh shit I beefed it, no one is gonna listen to me and now everyone knows im queer. I’m sure that won’t have any consequences.

[graylinesspam]

I've been trading existential dread with my queerplatonic wife for a while now. Because she's dealing with the crazy world of dating as a pretty queer girl in Texas. And I'm somewhere in a pit about my AroAce identity and the fact that I can't live independently from my parents now. (yes I know that's a capatilist ploy but I'm a hyper independent oldest daughter that was supposed to have my life together by know before surprise disability wrecked all of my dreams. So give me a while to mourn please.)

And one of the things she's helped me put into words is about how fucking lonely and useless and pathetic I feel. Because, most people, especially women, my age start to deal with their physical and mental restrictions with the support of a partner. I mean early twenties is peak, "we're both fucked up and afraid but at least we have each other," years.

And being an AroAce person, I don't have that option as readily available. I don't have people who are willing to support me, and spend time with me, and help me figure myself out. Because I'm not trading sex and romantic connection.

I'm in desperate need of human connection. Of a place to live outside my childhood home. Of emotional support. Of someone to listen to me rant at 10 p.m. And hold my hand when I'm scared and encourage me to better myself. To push myself to grow under these near impossible conditions. And I don't have that.

I can't rely on my family. Not because their bad people but because they're similarly isolated and emotionally neglected people that are hanging on by a thread and have been for most of my life. But at least my parents have each other.

I'm starting to get scared that I'll never find that connection. Because I need so much, and I can't offer the basic currency that people my age trade in.

Most of the time I like to think of that as a good thing. I don't need to worry about who I do or don't fall for because it'll never happen. I don't have to worry about 'losing the spark' or falling out of love with someone. Because I won't ever love them in such a flimsy way. I can focus on my try compatibility with my future partners. Our emotional and physical needs. Our preferences. Our boundaries, and similar interests.

But that's optimistic future me who has a job and a car, whose been through therapy, and figured themselvs out, and isn't a burden in a relationship. That's not now me. Now me is not someone I would ever consider dating and asking anyone else to date me feels so unfair. Like I'm taking advantage of them. Like I don't have enough to offer in return. (again hyper independence.)

And part of me wants so badly to just going to give in and take the first offer. To just say the right things and put out and pretend like I can connect with someone in a way I so clearly cannot.

I know in the future I will have so much to offer if I can just make it there. But that feels impossible to do on my own. And quite frankly I just don't have anyone.

But it isn't fair to myself or to anyone else for me to knowingly lie to them to receive the support I need. And I couldn't mentally handle it even if I tried.

It's just so hard to build relationships with other people when you don't have that foundation of attraction that everyone seems to think is so intricate to human connection.

I want a relationship built on respect and meeting each others needs. And communication and support. I want to be adult and mature about this. But the truth of the matter is that I am young and alone and lost. And I need help. I don't have hardly anything to offer and need so much.

And I don't know how I'm ever going to get to the point that I can offer anyone anything if I don't get my needs met.

So I'm spinning my wheels in fucking predatory right now.

And I'm trying to be so proud of my identity this June. But sometimes it's hard.

As much time as I spend advocating to baby aces that it will get better and you absolutely don't need to ignore it or pretend. That people will understand. That you will find that connection you need. Sometimes it's so fucking hard to remember that for myself. I'm not over the struggle yet. And frankly, I'm scared all the time.

It's just the way that identity has intersected with all the other parts of my life in the most inconvenient way possible. I'm fucking poor, too autistic to drive, chronically fatigued with serious joint issues, and fucking alone. Everything sucks right now.

[sparklingtapwater]

Hi! You're one of the only active tattoo artists I follow on here and I wanted your opinion on a couple of things,

What's your opinion on tattooing pieces on first timers, is it annoying if they choose intricate or larger piece you know would be difficult to sit thru for a first tattoo?

How do you feel about tattoo tickets, paying a nontattoo artist for a design and taking it in to a tattoo artist do tattoo

Are previous flashes (think halloween or Friday the 13th) off the table once that event is done?

Thanks in advance.

howdy !! i appreciate you asking because i know sometimes when you ask artists questions like this they get pissy and are kinda egotistical ! but i am very happy to answer your questions !!

when it comes to giving people their first tattoo, i think it can be a very fun experience. i will almost always advise a first timer to avoid extremely painful spots, like ribs, calves, and bony places like the ankles. i always recommend getting something small to see how your body handles pain ! that’s the best way to advocate for your pain tolerance and have an idea of how you’ll do with bigger pieces ! as for “difficult to sit through” pieces, i think that topic comes with an edge of ableism. this is no fault on your part obviously! but i’ll explain why i think so.

being able to “sit well” has always been a pet peeve of artists throughout the community, it’s something we encounter in our careers daily. however, penalizing a client because they can’t sit well is ableist. you as an artist simply have to adapt. i’ve tattooed disabled clients, people with chronic illnesses, people who need to take multiple breaks and who need to be provided snacks and water and lots of time to rest in between parts of the tattoo, and none of that bothers me. because implying that you will blacklist someone or simply not tattoo them because they “can’t sit well” is just ableist. there are artists out there who can tattoo everyone from people who have parkinson’s to people with things as minor as anxiety fidgeting. the tattoo game is changing and more trans, queer, poc and disabled people are pioneering a new and more inclusive era of tattooing.

but yes to wrap up that very long tangent, it’s not that i find it annoying ! it’s that i will always recommend taking a small bite before making yourself a huge plate. just to make sure you like it 🖤

as for tattoo tickets, i love them ! i think they are a very cool concept. i sold them all throughout my apprenticeship. now that i can tattoo them myself if it’s a design i haven’t had the chance to do yet then i won’t sell tattoo tickets for it ! however, the flip side is that you will have artists who know nothing about the intricacies of tattooing, or how to draw something in a way that is tattooable, making art and selling it as though it is. this does make our job harder because we more often than not will have to redraw and redesign an entire piece and that could piss off the original artist and the client. they can but fun, but i’d steer clear of purchasing tattoo tickets from anyone who isn’t a tattoo apprentice ✨

now for the flash event pieces, i’d say it’s usually up to the artist ! i know for myself personally they are available to be tattooed year round, however they will not be offered for the special event day price. the whole point of an event day is the reduced price ! so usually artists will still tattoo them but they will adjust the price to either their shop minimum or their personal hourly minimum !! this is something that it doesn’t hurt to actually ask the artist a few days before the event just to make sure you don’t miss out !!

i hope this was helpful ! i’m here to gladly spread information and knowledge on a better and more inclusive world of tattooing, so let me know if you have any more questions !

[jasper-crow]

hey look this might be totally weird i’m so sorry if it is but i saw your tags about feeling not femme enough, and i felt that a lot, but also it reminded me of this quote that made me feel very seen. it’s from "Femme-Dyke" by Arlene Istar, featured in The Persistent Desire: A Femme-Butch Reader (there’s a post about it somewhere on this app but i couldn’t find it sorry :’)

"A few years ago, I bought a pair of warm winter boots. I worked in an agency where all the women wore heavy femme drag, and even if I hadn't been out, my differentness was apparent. I wasn't sure if the agency would even let me wear boots to work. I walked into my office, and two male co-workers immediately began playfully whistling. "Ooh, new boots — how butch," they teased me. Later that evening, I met my lover and another friend, both butch identified. They too teased: "Ooh, new boots — how fernmy," they said. And I suppose that's what being a femme-dyke means. The boys think I'm butch, and the girls think I'm femme.”

being femme isn’t just feminine and isn’t just being like. a trad wife. it’s such a complicated expression of gender/masculinity/femininity and a rejection of the rules of traditionally femininity. anyways, basically, you’re slay. don’t let others convince you otherwise.

So it took a long time to figure out how to respond to this.

First off I'll say that this isn't weird at all. One of the biggest things I'm an advocate for is community building, the lowest level of which is simply offering support and kind words to our fellow queer brothers and sisters whenever we can. Thats the most amazing human instinct and you should never appologize for it. 💙

My feelings on this subject are...... confused I guess is the best way of putting it. I suppose its important to clarify.

I'm not a blue collar union worker by choice.

To make a long story short, I'm from a lower middle class family of 7 in central Ohio. College was always going to be a longshot for us. My parents gladly cosigned on college loans and helped out my two sisters in their pursuit of going to college. This wasn't extended to me and my brothers.

Thus I did the stupid thing a lot of kids in my position do.

I joined the military

This was easily one of, if not THE, worst decisions I've ever made in my life. If I'm being frank I believe my parents pushed me towards this due to a combination of rose colored glasses with the armed forces, outright misogynistic veiws of men and women's career paths, and the thought that perhaps the military would beat some semblance of "discipline" into my ADHD self. In attention to a misguided attempt to break up me and my now wife, who at the time wasn't sure if we were going to be able to make long distance work. (Spoiler we did)

Now being 6 years post getting out and having settled into a new state, having recently hit the 10 year mark with my lovely wife, starting my transition, and doing so many other wonderful things I never thought I'd be able to do, I've unfortunately found I don't have any marketable skills that aren't in blue collar industry.

I signed on for an office job and wasn't told till I'm already trapped in BMT that my ADHD disqualified me for that job. I was assigned to be a maintenance technician without much if any consultation from me.

I did most of my time in my contract. Frankly got physical abused more than you'd assume they do nowadays, and generally just tried to learn my job and stay out of the way. When they found out I wasn't going to re-enlist (Duh) they used my ADHD once again as an excuse to revoke my medical waiver and kick me out without giving me access to my GI bill, the whole reason I joined at all.

Blue collar industry is notoriously homo/transphobic and as such I'm still stealth at my place of work, even in a significantly more blue state than I was born in. This is just a fact of my life.

So I'm left in a very awkward position. I have a lot of reasons to love and hate my job and my career in general. Reasons I love it include:

-I can support my families finances

-I can stand up and support my fellow queer brothers and sisters when others mistreat them

-I provide good insurance and stability to my family

-I can help out around the house, fix simple things, rewire outlets ect. Very useful things to know

But at the same time everything related to my job and career is a very painful reminder that:

-I do genuinely enjoy the work, it gives me some level of fulfillment

-I'm only in this situation because of my own families treatment of me pretransition

-I'm only able to keep this position because I stay closeted at work

-I was never in a situation where I felt like I had other options available to me

-I'm here because of my own stupid decisions and my time loaning my soul to an imperialist war machine

-I generally feel trapped in this position and like there aren't really other options for me to pursue

So by connection when I do stuff relating to my job and career outside of work its..... bittersweet? I think thats the best way to describe it. Its my last real big teather to my "old life" as it were and functions to remind me of all the things I wasn't allowed to and still can't have to an extent.

-I likely cannot ever "come out" at this or any other worksite without MASSIVELY affecting my earning potential and my ability to move forward or even get jobs

I appreciate the passage exerpt and I really love how other queer people see me outside of work, and frankly I've been told at work by some that I'm only "stealth" because the old men I work with are dumb as all hell. Stuff like this makes me feel wonderful and much more secure in my identity 💙

But I guess its more of an internal issue of how I veiw myself and how and why my life has gone how it does, rather than one of how others veiw me.

[ailelie]

I know a few people who don't support the ACLU because the ACLU supports free speech for everyone. They even have a post on their website about it: Defending Speech We Hate.

The simple matter is, when you draw a line in the sand, you defend that line. Even when that means people and ideas you hate are technically on your side. You don't gerrymander the line to keep them out because it makes it harder to tell where the line is at all and makes it easier for those you're defending against to take advantage and slowly push back or even remove the line altogether.

I am pro-rehabilitation in prisons. I think prisons should be humane places where people are allowed therapy to overcome any mental issues that led to their crimes and classes to help them integrate into society upon release (e.g., job skills, courses to bridge high school and college, etc). I believe everyone deserves another chance.

This is not a position I have come to lightly. I know people in prison, one personally, that I would love to stay there. But, ultimately, I believe they deserve another chance, too. Just one far from me and the people I love.

I fully realize that I am advocating that rapists, child abusers, and serial killers deserve another chance. That "another chance" doesn't have to look the same as it does for others. Maybe it means life in a therapeutic halfway house. Maybe it means daily check-ins with a parole officer. Maybe it means life in a very humane, community-oriented prison removed from all temptation. That's a discussion we can have.

Drawing a line doesn't mean losing nuance. You just take that line as your foundation and build from there.

AO3 drew a line in the sand. Every single fic that could be written could be archived so long as it was legal in the US. That's the line. The site offers tools (and is creating additional tools) to enable users to curate their own experience. There's discussion to make racism one of the big tag categories so that it is easier to recognize and filter out. The site isn't perfect, but it is improving.

If you don't like the line in the sand, go elsewhere. Other options do exist. They may not be as popular right now, but they can become more so if people flock to them.

When I defend my line regarding rehabilitation, I'm not saying that 'rape is cool actually' or 'people should forgive their abusers.' Screw that. I'm not condoning crime. I'm saying that our current prison system doesn't work and that focusing on punishment actually creates a world in which prisons beget criminals. Focusing instead on rehabilitation and release may lower the number of former prisoners who end back up in prison, which should also help lower crime in general. Also, I think the punishment model focuses too much on 'what makes me as the judge/victim feel better' and not enough on 'what makes society better'? We can't just write off every person that goes to prison. If we do that, then why don't we just move to a radical death penalty and kill everyone who is sentenced to more than 5 years? It would certainly save money and would possibly serve as an actual deterrent.

AO3 isn't saying that child sexual abuse is cool. The archive is not condoning rape, murder, sexual abuse, child abuse, or anything like that. Instead, the archive saw how writers did not have a safe place to share their works that wasn't limited by sponsorships, ads, etc. They saw how 'think of the children' campaigns led to the demise of communities filled with NC-17 works and queer content. They built a site where everything legal (in the US) could be housed. They said and meant 'no censorship.' Censorship is, and has always been, a slippery slope. AO3 avoids that slope by refusing to censor anything. And that is why I continue to fund the site year after year.

Do I support all of the stories? Hell no. I wish a lot of them didn't exist. But, damn it, they are on my side of the line and this is a line I will defend.

[samwisethewitch]

Witchcraft and Activism

The word “witch” is a politically charged label. If we look at how the word was used historically, it referred to someone who existed outside of the normal social order. The people accused of witchcraft in the European and American witch trials were mostly — experts say between 75% and 80% — women. They were also overwhelmingly poor, single, or members of a minority ethnicity and/or religion. In other words, they were people who did not follow their society’s accepted model of womanhood (or, in the case of accused men, manhood).

If you choose to identify with the witch label, you are choosing to identify with subversion of gender norms, resistance to the dominant social order, and “outsider” status. If that makes you uncomfortable or uneasy, then you may want to use another label for your magical practice. Witchcraft always has been and always will be inherently political.

In her book Witches, Sluts, Feminists, Kristen J. Sollee argues that the “slut” label is in many ways a modern equivalent to the “witch” label. In both cases, the label is used to devalue people, most often women, and to enforce a patriarchal and misogynist social order.

Superstitions around witchcraft are connected to the modern stigma around abortion (and, to a lesser extent, contraception). Midwifery and abortion were directly linked to witchcraft in the European witch hunts. Today, women who seek abortions are condemned as sluts, whores, and murderers. The fight for reproductive freedom remains inextricably linked with the witch label.

During the women’s liberation movement of the 1960s, the socialist feminist group Women’s International Terrorist Conspiracy from Hell (W.I.T.C.H.) used the image of the witch to campaign for women’s rights and other social issues. They were some of the first advocates for intersectional feminism (feminist activism that addresses other social issues that overlap with gendered issues). They performed acts such as hexing Wall Street capitalists and wearing black veils to protest bridal fairs. The W.I.T.C.H. Manifesto calls witches the “original guerrillas and resistance fighters against oppression.”

In her book Revolutionary Witchcraft, Sarah Lyons points out that both witchcraft and politics are about raising and directing power in the world. In a postmodern society, most of our reality is socially constructed — it works because we collectively believe it does. Money only has value because we believe it does. Politicians only have power because we believe they do. Our laws are only just because we believe they are. Like in magic, everything in society is a product of belief and a whole lot of willpower — and that makes witches the ideal social activists.

Lyons argues that witchcraft is inseparable from politics, because witches have always opposed dominant political power. She makes a connection between the witch trials and the rise of capitalism and classism. She connects the basic concepts of magic to historic activist groups like the AIDS Coalition to Unleash Power (ACT UP), who used ritual as an act of protest.

Not every witch is a hardcore activist, but every witch should have a basic awareness of political and social issues and be willing to do what they can to make a difference.

Ways to Combine Witchcraft and Activism

Perform a ritual to feel connected to the earth and her people. Activism should come from a place of love, not a place of hate. Make sure you’re fighting for the right reasons by frequently taking time to reconnect with the planet and the people who live here. This can be as simple as laying down on the ground outside and meditating on all the ways you are connected to other people, as well as to the ecosystem, animals, and the earth herself. If getting up close and personal with the grass and dirt isn’t your thing, try to find a beautiful place in nature where you can sit and journal about the interconnected nature of all things.

Unlearn your social programming. This is the most difficult and most important part of any activism. Before you can change the world outside yourself, you have to change your own psyche. Think about how you have been socialized to contribute to (or at least turn a blind eye to) the issues you want to fight against. For example, if you want to fight for racial justice, you need to understand how you have contributed to a racist system. You can do this in a variety of ways: through meditation, journaling, or divination, to name a few. Note that whatever method you choose, this will probably take weeks or months of repeated work. Rewriting your thought and behavior patterns is hard, and it can’t be done in a single day. Also note that if you are a victim of systemic oppression or prejudice, this work may bring up a lot of emotional baggage — you may want to involve a professional therapist or counselor.

Go to protests. Sending energy and doing healing rituals is great, but someone has to get out there and visibly fight for change. If you are able to do so, start going to protests and rallies for causes you care about. Don’t just show up, but be an active participant — make signs, yell and chant, and stand your ground if cops show up. Be safe and responsible, but be loud and assertive, too. If you want to go all out, you can don the black robes, pointed hats, and veils of W.I.T.C.H.es past, which has the added bonus of concealing your identity.

Turn your donations into a spell for change. When you donate to a cause you care about, charge your donation with a spell for positive change. You can do this by holding your cash, check, or debit card in both hands and focusing on your desire for change. Feel this desire flowing into the money, filling it with your determination. From here, make your donation, knowing that you’ll be sending an energy boost along with it.

Organize an activist coven. Do you have a handful of friends who are interested in witchcraft, passionate about activism, or both? Start a coven! Go to protests together, hold monthly rituals to raise energy for change, and collect money for donations. Being part of a group also means having a support system, which can help prevent burnout. Make a plan to check on each other regularly. You may even choose to do monthly group rituals for self care, which may be actual magic rituals or might be as simple as ordering takeout and watching a movie. Activism can be intensely draining work, so it’s important to take breaks when you need them!

Hold public rituals with an activist slant. Nothing gets people’s attention like a bunch of folks standing in a circle and chanting. Holding public rituals is one of the best ways to raise awareness for a cause. You might hold a vigil for victims of police brutality, a healing circle for the environment, or some other ritual that is relevant to the issue at hand. These rituals serve a double purpose, as they both bring people’s attention to the issue and give them an opportunity to work for change on a spiritual level. Use prayers, chants, and symbolism that is appropriate to the theme, and ask participants to make a small donation to a charity related to your cause.

Begin your public rituals with a territory acknowledgement. If you live in the United States, chances are you live on land that was taken from the native people by force. If you seek to have a relationship with the land, you need to first acknowledge the original inhabitants and the suffering they endured so you can be there. Use a website like native-land.ca to find out what your land was originally called and what indigenous groups originally lived there. Publicly acknowledge this legacy at your ritual, and publicly state your intention to support indigenous peoples. (Revolutionary Witchcraft has an excellent territory acknowledgement that you can customize for your area.)

Make an altar to your activist ancestors. If activism or membership in a marginalized group is a big part of your life, you may want to create a space for it in your home. Like an ancestor altar, this is a space to remember influential members of the community who have died. Choose a flat surface like a tabletop or shelf and decorate it with photos of your “ancestors,” as well as other appropriate items like flags, pins, stickers, etc. As a queer person, my altar to my LGBTQ+ ancestors might include images of figures like Sappho, Marsha P. Johnson, and Freddie Mercury, as well as items like a pink triangle patch, a small rainbow pride flag, and dried violets and green carnations. You may also choose to include a candle, an incense burner, and/or a small dish for offerings. Just remember to never place images of living people on an altar honoring the dead!

Do your research. Staying educated is an important part of activism — not only do your actions need to be informed, but you need to be able to speak intelligently about your issues. Read the news (on actual news websites, not just social media). Read lots of books; some I personally recommend are Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson, Love and Rage by Lama Rod Owens, and (as previously mentioned) Revolutionary Witchcraft by Sarah Lyons. If you can get access to them, read scholarly articles about theories that are influential among activists, like the Gaia Hypothesis or Deep Ecology. Read everything you can get your hands on.

VOTE! And I don’t just mean voting for the presidential candidate you like (or, as is often the case, voting against the one you don’t like). Vote for your representatives. Vote for city council. Vote for the county sheriff. Voting gives you a chance to make sure the people in office will be susceptible to your activism. Yes, your side might lose or your electoral college representative might choose to go against the popular vote. Even so, voting is a way to clearly communicate the will of the people, and it puts a lot of pressure on the people in charge. It’s important — don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.

In my experience, combining activism with my witchcraft is a deeply fulfilling spiritual experience. It strengthens my connection to the world around me, with helps grow both empathy and magical power. I truly can’t imagine my practice without the activist element.

Resources:

Witches, Sluts, Feminists by Kristen J. Sollee

Revolutionary Witchcraft by Sarah Lyons

The Study of Witchcraft by Deborah Lipp

The Way of Fire and Ice by Ryan Smith

[vkelleyart]

Thoughts on fandom: inclusion and engagement.

(Art credit to the kindhearted @penpanoply​!)

There’s been some stuff floating around on Tumblr about strife in the CO/WS fandom, and though I haven’t been explicitly named-dropped on anything public, my DMs have been... active. lol Rather than rehash what’s been said already, I just want to impart a little wisdom and perspective in the hopes it may soothe frayed feelings and offer a way ahead for cultivating a respectful community. As someone who has been an active participant in online fandoms since the mid-’90s, which was the advent of online fandom content creation (shout out to my fellow X-Philes!), and who has also spent a chunk of her professional life managing social media for the federal government and for activist groups, I can promise you it’s all gonna be okay.

Here’s some context for why strife happens and what we can do to create a more inclusive and communicative fandom environment. 

1) It sounds cliché, but fandoms go through growing pains. 

In the case of the Simon Snow fandom, what was once a small and cozy space untouched by cataclysmic events (such as the release of *gasp* a sequel) has grown exponentially in a relatively short amount of time following the release of Wayward Son. Newcomers are eager to find a home in this space at the same time as folks who’ve been here a while may be consciously or unconsciously wary about widening their circle, and It’s important to remember that this is not necessarily an expression of bad behavior on either side but just human psychology doing its thing. 

The byproduct, however, is that tension and stress builds over time from the lack of meaningful communication across the divide, which subsequently fuels misunderstandings. Ironically, the interfaces we use to communicate don’t help with this because any existing communication about the tension happens in tiny vacuums until a trigger goes off and bad feelings go public. 

Way Ahead: These moments of destabilization are opportunities to see where we can be more self aware about how we engage with fandom and the kind of community we want to be. Can you promote, support, or befriend someone trying to gain a foothold? If yes, please do! Each person must reach their own decision about what they can do within the confines of their available energy, health, and time, but a little self awareness goes a long way as long as you’re honest with yourself and others if applicable about what you can contribute. Anyone who judges you for it isn’t worth the strife.

2) In a fandom comprised of vulnerable/marginalized people, it’s more accurate to say that cliques are “bubbles of trust.”

This one's important. Just by nature of the source material, the CO/WS fandom includes fans with a wide array of backgrounds and experiences, especially when it comes to those who identify with the characters’ queerness, mental illness, and/or trauma. I really believe––based on individual conversations/group chats––that the difficult lived experiences that so many of our fandom peers have endured has produced one of the most open, aware, and accepting fandoms I’ve had the pleasure of participating in. Our vulnerability is, in a real way, our strength.

That said, a community of survivors also has the side effect of cultivating small circles of engagement that I call “bubbles of trust.” When you’re a survivor of abuse, marginalization, mental illness, fill-in-the-blank, it’s often quite hard to risk casting a wide net and expanding your circle to include new faces––which can subsequently be internalized by equally sensitive and vulnerable newcomers as rejection, judgement, or inadequacy.

Way Ahead: First of all, there may indeed be gatekeeping and exclusion going on. But before internalizing someone’s cagey behavior as gatekeeping or purposely exclusionary, ask yourself if you have all the information. Many people are private (I include myself in this assessment) because life has regrettably taught them to be this way, and so they may insulate themselves to a small group of people who have earned their trust. Some people might also triggered by certain content (case in point: smut triggers my anxiety) so they don’t engage with it. Others might have something in their pasts that define how they handle certain subjects (for example, a person of color should not be tone policed for getting angry when confronted with a racialized microagression, however accidental it was). You just don’t know what you don’t know. 

The solution here is to regularly check your privilege and ask questions in a private space if you sense you’re being treated unfairly by someone. If you go public with your grievances in hopes of mobilizing the mob, you may accidentally find yourself stepping into the role of the aggressor instead of the victim.

3) Social Media is not built to help you get engagement. It’s built to help itself make money off of you.

Repeat after me: Hits/likes are not a measurable indicator of talent or worth. There are ridiculously talented folks on Tumblr and elsewhere who, for whatever reason, haven’t had their viral moment, and it’s not their fault. Loads of factors come into play where things like likes, reblogs, and comments are concerned, among them being posting frequency, subject matter, the time of day, the day of the week, the week of the month, the month of the year, the current administration, the stock exchange, the concentration of middle class users, who just won the Superbowl, a madman trying to steal an election and undermine the democratic process, a PANDEMIC, do you get where I’m going with this?? lol

At the end of the day, my humble successes have been helped along by good luck, good timing, high profile signal boosters, and an absurd amount of work. (This is why I try to signal boost new work whenever I get a chance over at @vkelleyshares.) 

So while you cannot control Tumblr’s interface, trends at large, or your fellow users, here’s what you can do to ensure you give your work the best possible chance of exposure.

Have an image ready to go with your post. Tumblr is a visual platform (no matter what it says about being good for text). Not good with images? Set up a Canva.com account and get access to free graphic software with a gazillion templates to create whatever attractive image you want to attach to your post.

Keep the outward facing text brief and easy on the eyes. Too long and eyes will glaze over. Put excess text behind a “read more.”

You may think you’re being cute when you do this, but don’t put yourself down in your posts. (Don’t put yourself down in general, of course.) Doing so acts as engagement repellant. If you don’t believe in your work, no one else will.

Related: Be your best cheerleader. Confidence is a magnet, and if you don’t have it, go ahead and fake it until you start to convince yourself you are worth the buzz. So promote yourself! You have gifts that only you can impart. Use that knowledge to fuel everything you do from your art/fiction writing to your outreach with other content creators, and by golly, if someone’s done it already, acknowledge that contribution and then tell the world that this is YOUR unique take on it.

Treat your fellow fandom creators as human beings, not art/fiction/content boosting machines. I cannot count how many times I’ve had folks slide into my DMs with offers of friendship only to disappear once they realize I’m not available to draw a picture for their fic. It hurts because it’s manipulative and it makes me want to hole up and not signal boost anyone. Creators who truly support each other will not give off a transactional vibe. I want to help you reach more people, but not if that’s all I’m good for in your eyes. 

The long and short of it: Lead with compassion, do your best with the opportunities at  your disposal, and remember that fandom belongs to everyone in it. ❤️

What saves a fandom made of sensitive and vulnerable souls from imploding when it goes through growing pains is radical compassion from those who can offer it. Begin with the assumption that your fellow fandomers are not trying to harm you, and wade into the water knowing that your insight into the lives of your peers is limited by default and you may need to temper your words or actions accordingly. If you’re a content creator, save compassion for yourself as well, as there are indeed challenges to gaining an audience, and lack of engagement does not mean you lack talent or skill. Be your best advocate, and if you have the bandwidth to lift up a fellow creator and make a new friend, please, go ahead do it! 

And finally, fandom belongs to everyone, and no one has a monopoly on characters, tropes, or themes. Create and consume what you love (with respect for your more vulnerable peers), and bask in the variety, my friends!

That’s all I’ve got in my head at the moment, although I’m sure there’s more I’m forgetting. Thanks so much to @penpanoply for letting me use her art for this and to everyone else, hang in there and try not to judge each other too harshly. These are unprecedented times, and most of us are doing our best in circumstances that are pushing us to our limits. 

As always, if you have questions or want to sound off on anything, shoot me a message or an ask, or ping me on Discord. It might take me a second to respond (thanks, Covid) but I’ll get to it! Love, love, and more love to all.

[who-is-page]

We sort of started this discussion at Chimeras' Othercon panel, but I wanted to keep it going so I figured I would send an ask. What do you think it would mean for our community to drop the focus on voluntary and involuntary identities? I agree that we fundamentally should, but a bunch of things immediately jump to mind.

Our community has spent years leaning heavily into the lines between voluntary and involuntary identities and taken special care to make massive distinctions between them, leaving little to no room for grey area. It's no bit surprise that alterhuman spaces have had actual, legitimate, longstanding issues of grilling and gatekeeping. Nonhumans with nuanced and complicated identities are forced to shove themselves into a box to fit into the community, and the ideas we have about certain identities needing to be involuntary are absolutely baked into many aspects of our community and its history.

At the same time, we have used this unjustified gatekeeping in part to protect the community from genuine threats and appropriation of our terminology. The way we have limited our concepts of who is allowed to identify in what ways is generally wrong and has no doubt harmed a subset of kin, but at the same time is understandable in the sense that it has a cause. Yes, this was an issue even before KFF, but KFF certainly don't make it easy to create space for genuine voluntary kin and other voluntary alterhumans.

How do we create the space for nuance and fluidity and complexity in these terms and identities after we have spent so long defensively creating rigid boundaries and restrictions regarding the ways people are allowed to identify? How do we address community gatekeeping while also protecting our community from the people who use our identities and terminology in bad faith?

I have a lot of ideas, but this is obviously a very complex topic that we can't just solve in a day. I was just curious to hear your thoughts, if you had any. Hopefully once our personal website is up one of our first essays will be about this issue. (Also, how is Page? /hj)

So I know we’ve been sitting on this ask for... -checks watch- ...almost two weeks now, but it’s genuinely because I just wasn’t sure how to answer it for a good long while, and I didn’t just want to throw out some haphazard, half-hearted answer to such important questions. So here’s our thoughts on the debacle.

Voluntary and involuntary is a focus I doubt we’ll ever see any of the alterhuman communities permanently drop, for several reasons.

The first and foremost being that, by the definition of the term “alterhuman,” defined here as “a subjective identity which is beyond the scope of what is traditionally considered ‘being human’,” both experiences at their most extremes technically fall underneath the label, rendering the distinction (to some) vitally important to helping understand and define their identity/identity labels. The difference between KFF as an alterhuman identity and forms of otherkinity as an alterhuman identity, for instance, as you mention.

And then there’s the societal factors to consider. People like nice, neat little boxes: people like to be able to compartmentalize their communities, with no overlap, with no spillage, with no complications or grey areas or nuance. It’s a fact of life that people often instinctively want to water down labels and identities into more easily digestible formations, though there are arguments around why people precisely do it. And, as you point out, that often means alterhumans and nonhumans with more complex or nuanced identities typically get shoved into one box or another that they may not perfectly fit into.

When we zero in on specifically the otherkin community, this becomes even more complicated given the community’s rife history: abusive p-shifter groups, the appropriation of language by roleplayers and fiction writers, zoophiles attempting to forcibly associate otherkinity with pro-bestiality movements, and the blatant general misinformation spread by laymen and academics alike, just to name a few relevant problems the community has faced and continues to face. The community is stubborn to a fault, largely because it’s had to be in order to survive. It holds to its preconceived notions and rigid boundaries like a dog with toy aggression to their favorite plush stegosaurus. Fittingly so, really.

So how do we take that stubbornness and change it to be more inclusive to our own? How could we, while still surviving all that onslaught and more? That’s the big question.

In regards to the larger alterhuman community, we’re blessed in the fact that it’s still such a young concept: it hasn’t quite yet had to face the “pathological anger” Religious Studies professor Joseph Laycock has described otherkin as bearing the brunt of. It’s still a community figuring itself out, with much of the anger you find related to it aimed at specific subsets of community within it, rather than at alterhumanity as a whole. And I think the fact that the alterhuman community is still metaphorically air-drying on a table means we have the opportunity to prevent anti-nuance and anti-complexity attitudes from taking hold in it. How we do that is another battle in itself-- I feel like the encouragement of inclusive dialogue, of open discussion intermingled with considerate or civil attitudes, within alterhuman-marketed spaces is a good starting point. I also think that the encouragement and legitimization of “alterhuman” as its own standalone term would be a positive force, where it functions as a broad, diverse identity label in addition to being an overarching, joining umbrella label. A label where someone doesn’t have to give details away of their identity if they don’t feel comfortable doing so, or shove themself into a box they may or may not actually feel they fit into. Something functionally similar to how many people use “queer,” if you will.

But that still leaves aside the issue of identity and terminological misuse, I am aware. And that is...an abstract thing to ward against, at absolute best. I think that the defining of our own spaces not only through our words but also through our actions would perhaps be the best thing we could do, realistically. The cultivation of websites, of group projects--books, zines, comics, pictures, forums, anything!--, of community-led conventions and meet-ups and howls and gatherings. Things which foster and build a community identity of sorts is the best defense against those who would try and distort that which makes us, us.

Zooming back in on the otherkin community, these answers change slightly, because--going back to the clay metaphor--the otherkin community has already metaphorically been glazed and baked (in the fires of hell). That history is cemented, the ways people have wronged it and continue to try and wrong it is cemented, the assumptions and attitudes are cemented.

With the otherkin community, I think that the burden of changing minds and pervasive attitudes falls a bit more onto the shoulders of “community leadership,” because of how the community functions and values both community experience and articulation. There’s a reason we don’t have a term comparable to “greymuzzle” in any of the other alterhuman communities, after all-- it’s a well-known and often aggravating quirk of the otherkin community, to hold certain individuals in such high esteem and put them on a pedestal because of their longevity and the things they’ve done and said. I hate to say that they have to set an example, but in the otherkin community that really is one of the best ways to advocate for change, or to push against those gatekeeping and grilling attitudes--by those who are largely well-respected putting forward ideas that have previously been mocked or disavowed, pushing debates on their legitimacy into community consciousness until it eventually trickles into community normalcy and foundation.

(This is, as you can imagine, a double-edged sword depending on how it’s used. But that’s a discussion for another day.)

That’s not to say that the ideas of creation and creativity with the goal of cultivating an inclusive community identity, like I suggested for the alterhuman community, is inapplicable to the otherkin community: but the otherkin community already has a long-term community identity, so it’d moreso be creation and creativity for the sake of formative inclusion. “History is always written by the winners” is a very, very literal phrase in its application to the otherkin community. Our community memory, for lack of a better way to put it, sucks from individual-to-individual. The future of the otherkin community, its eventual-history, is determined by its historians and creators of today: day-to-day arguments and discussions, unless deemed historically relevant by one archivist or another, disappear to the sands of time, and much more long-term recordings such as essays, websites, comics, etc., often go far beyond just its creators hands and get passed around and down for years, potentially. If you want a more nuanced and inclusive community, you have to dig up the clay for it, shovel by shovel, and bake it yourself, brick by brick, and eventually, with luck, or enough backing prestige, or just because those bricks are so astoundingly solid people can’t resist taking some to build their own foundations to nonhumanity, things will change. It will take time above all else, but once it’s there it will be impossible to remove, because people will just assume those bricks have always been there given enough years.

But those are just some of my thoughts and opinions on it. It’s an issue with so many layers of complexity to it, that there’s really no perfect answer out there that I can offer, and I know even what I’ve shared here has its flaws and drawbacks. I’m sure plenty of my followers also have additional thoughts on the subject, and I’d love to hear from other people what they think in the replies and reblogs.

(Also, Page is a very tired boi.)

[comrade-meow]

A great deal of the transgender debate is unexplained. One of the most mystifying aspects is the speed and success of a small number of small organisations in achieving major influence over public bodies, politicians and officials. How has a certain idea taken hold in so many places so swiftly?

People and organisations that at the start of this decade had no clear policy on or even knowledge of trans issues are now enthusiastically embracing non-binary gender identities and transition, offering gender-neutral toilets and other changes required to accommodate trans people and their interests. These changes have, among other things, surprised many people. They wonder how this happened, and why no one seems to have asked them what they think about it, or considered how those changes might affect them.

Some of the bodies that have embraced these changes with the greatest zeal are surprising: the police are not famous social liberals but many forces are now at the vanguard here, even to the point of checking our pronouns and harassing elderly ladies who say the wrong thing on Twitter.

How did we get here? I think we can discount the idea that this is a simple question of organisations following a changing society. Bluntly, society still doesn’t know very much about transgenderism. If you work in central London in certain sectors, live in a university town (or at a university) or have children attending a (probably middle-class) school, you might have some direct acquaintance. But my bet is that most people don’t know any trans people and don’t have developed views about how the law should evolve with regards to their status.

So the question again: how did organisations with small budgets and limited resources achieve such stunning success, not just in the UK but elsewhere?

Well, thanks to the legal website Roll On Friday, I have now seen a document that helps answer that question.

The document is the work of Dentons, which says it is the world’s biggest law firm; the Thomson Reuters Foundation, an arm of the old media giant that appears dedicated to identity politics of various sorts; and the International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer and Intersex Youth & Student Organisation (IGLYO). Both Dentons and the Thomson Reuters Foundation note that the document does not necessarily reflect their views.

The report is called 'Only adults? Good practices in legal gender recognition for youth'. Its purpose is to help trans groups in several countries bring about changes in the law to allow children to legally change their gender, without adult approval and without needing the approval of any authorities. 'We hope this report will be a powerful tool for activists and NGOs working to advance the rights of trans youth across Europe and beyond,' says the foreword.

As you’d expect of a report co-written by the staff of a major law firm, it’s a comprehensive and solid document, summarising law, policy and 'advocacy' across several countries. Based on the contributions of trans groups from around the world (including two in the UK, one of which is not named), it collects and shares 'best practice' in 'lobbying' to change the law so that parents no longer have a say on their child’s legal gender.

In the words of the report:

“'It is recognised that the requirement for parental consent or the consent of a legal guardian can be restrictive and problematic for minors.'

You might think that the very purpose of parenting is, in part, to 'restrict' the choices of children who cannot, by definition, make fully-informed adult choices on their own. But that is not the stance of the report.

Indeed, it suggests that 'states should take action against parents who are obstructing the free development of a young trans person’s identity in refusing to give parental authorisation when required.'

In short, this is a handbook for lobbying groups that want to remove parental consent over significant aspects of children’s lives. A handbook written by an international law firm and backed by one of the world’s biggest charitable foundations.

And how do the authors suggest that legal change be accomplished?

I think the advice is worth quoting at length, because this is the first time I’ve actually seen this put down in writing in a public forum. And because I think anyone with any interest in how policy is made and how politics works should pay attention.

Here’s a broad observation from the report about the best way to enact a pro-trans agenda:

“'While cultural and political factors play a key role in the approach to be taken, there are certain techniques that emerge as being effective in progressing trans rights in the "good practice" countries.'

Among those techniques: 'Get ahead of the Government agenda.'

What does that mean? Here it is in more detail:

“'In many of the NGO advocacy campaigns that we studied, there were clear benefits where NGOs managed to get ahead of the government and publish progressive legislative proposal before the government had time to develop their own. NGOs need to intervene early in the legislative process and ideally before it has even started. This will give them far greater ability to shape the government agenda and the ultimate proposal than if they intervene after the government has already started to develop its own proposals.'

That will sound familiar to anyone who knows how a Commons select committee report in 2016, which adopted several positions from trans groups, was followed in 2017 by a UK government plan to adopt self-identification of legal gender. To a lot of people, that proposal, which emerged from Whitehall looking quite well-developed, came out of the blue.

Anyway, here’s another tip from the document: 'Tie your campaign to more popular reform.'

For example:

'In Ireland, Denmark and Norway, changes to the law on legal gender recognition were put through at the same time as other more popular reforms such as marriage equality legislation. This provided a veil of protection, particularly in Ireland, where marriage equality was strongly supported, but gender identity remained a more difficult issue to win public support for.'

I’ve added my bold there, because I think those are very telling phrases indeed. This is an issue that is 'difficult to win public support for' and best hidden behind the 'veil of protection' provided by a popular issue such as gay rights. Again, anyone who has even glanced at the UK transgender debate will recognise this description.

Another recommendation is even more revealing: 'Avoid excessive press coverage and exposure.'

According to the report, the countries that have moved most quickly to advance trans rights and remove parental consent have been those where the groups lobbying for those changes have succeeded in stopping the wider public learning about their proposals. Conversely, in places like Britain, the more 'exposure' this agenda has had, the less successful the lobbying has been:

'Another technique which has been used to great effect is the limitation of press coverage and exposure. In certain countries, like the UK, information on legal gender recognition reforms has been misinterpreted in the mainstream media, and opposition has arisen as a result. ….Against this background, many believe that public campaigning has been detrimental to progress, as much of the general public is not well informed about trans issues, and therefore misinterpretation can arise.

In Ireland, activists have directly lobbied individual politicians and tried to keep press coverage to a minimum in order to avoid this issue.' (Emphasis added).

Although it offers extensive advice about the need to keep the trans-rights agenda out of the public’s gaze, the report has rather less to say about the possibility that advocates might just try doing what everyone else in politics does and make a persuasive argument for their cause. Actually convincing people that this stuff is a good idea doesn’t feature much in the report, which runs to 65 pages.

I’m not going to tell you what I think of the report, or the agenda it sets out. I’m not going to pass comment on it or its authors. I’m just going to try to summarise its nature and contents.

A major international law firm has helped write a lobbying manual for people who want to change the law to prevent parents having the final say about significant changes in the status of their own children. That manual advises those lobbying for that change to hide their plans behind a 'veil' and to make sure that neither the media nor the wider public know much about the changes affecting children that they are seeking to make. Because if the public find out about those changes, they might well object to them.

I started my first job as a researcher in the Commons in 1994. I’ve been studying and writing about politics and policy ever since. And in my experience of how changes in the law are brought about, the approach described in that report is simply not normal or usual. In a democracy, we are all free to argue for whatever policy or position we wish. But normally, anyone who wants to change the law accepts that to do so they need to win the support or, at least, the consent of the people whose authority ultimately gives the law its force. The approach outlined, in detail, in the Dentons report amounts to a very different way of lobbying to get the laws and policies you want. Even more notably, it suggests that in several countries people have been quite successful in lobbying behind a 'veil' and in a way that deliberately avoids the attention of the public. That, I think, should interest anyone who cares about how politics and policy are conducted, whether or not they care about the transgender issue.

I’m going to conclude with an observation I’ve made here before, but which I think bears repeating in the context of that report and the things it might tell people about other aspects of the trans issue: no policy made in the shadows can survive in sunlight.

[with-my-murder-flute]

12

(Fanfic ask meme!)

12. Friends with benefits or secret dating? 

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS. I honestly believe so much in the secular romance of people who have sex and respect each other and live their own lives and just... accept each other where they’re at. This overlaps a lot with how I like to write/read about polyamory, and also about the relationships I’ve had.

There’s this Alanis Morisette song, And You Owe Me Nothing in Return, and it’s not that it’s the only kind of love I know is in the world, but it’s the only way of moving through love that’s worked for me.

Like, when I broke up with my last girlfriend, I considered our relationship a success. Because she was also my first girlfriend, and before I started dating her, I still had this deep visceral sense that nobody would ever actually want me. Nobody would ever actually want to be with me. My negative mental scripts kept hiccuping for months after we started dating, like “and nobody will ever want me (except my girlfriend???)”. It was like a record skipping.

Oh god this got long. Below: More about me and my girlfriend; my epic FWBmances in previous fandoms, and my super ambitious plans for someone who’s on friendly-fucking terms with half the CQL cast.

It was a long-distance relationship, and she’s married to other people, and she was not one of the people the universe hit me over the head about, so it was not Grand High Romance, but there was a lot of “I love you platonically and if we can make sex work that’d be cool”

So after a few years our lives got busier, which was better for both of us, BUT, it made trying to coordinate times to get together harder, and we kept missing phonecalls and trying to make it up and failing again, and we both have ADHD, and one day I realized that a) trying to make this relationship work was taking a whole fucking lot of energy for not as much reward, and b) My deep sense of being personally unlovable had shifted, over time, to the feeling that I probably could find someone else if I put myself out there.

She made my life better. She made me better. Her perspectives and experiences on things like queer activism and fanfic and community organizing enriched my personal and intellectual life immensely. Last week I had a question about cults and power and control that I knew she was the perfect person to consult with, so we spent half an hour on the phone.

I’m still really fond of the fic-sets I did in Check Please fandom, where I took a canon character who was super obsessed/hung up on his first boyfriend, and changed his life by giving him, in one continuity, a pair of lovers who provide a refuge from his toxic workplace and show him very different ways to succeed at being human and support him building a healthier (and eventually sexy) relationship with his ex,

and in another timeline, a love interest whose interests and ambitions he respects too much to demand she stay where she’s miserable for his sake, and after a couple years of being FWB, she finds a way to come back to him (in which he also has his relationship with the first two, but makes the choice not to focus on them as his primary partners, but they stay friends, and I lost my enthusiasm before I wrote about his ex-girlfriend and current girlfriend falling in love but not in a threesome way but it was gonna be awesome)

I don’t know if I’m going to be able to finish it, but the WIP I’m most engaged with right now is about an OC who was super injured during the Sunshot Campaign and ended up working in as a courtesan/prostitute since he doesn’t have magic healing and his only marketable skills left are reciting poetry and sucking dick, and then he eventually joins a dual cultivation sect and does his best to add as many of the Top 10 Hottest Male Cultivators to his clientele as possible

Which includes really weird and distant and intimate, sexual and emotional and platonic, relationships with all of them, because he can discuss the sexual ethics of BDSM with Lan Wangji before offering to demonstrate that people really can enjoy the sex freak hidden beneath that icy shell, and then turn around and offer Jiang Cheng a person who isn’t intimidated by him and doesn’t want him to be the Big Strong Man (yes there’s pegging). He can fail to help Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue find dual cultivation techniques to prevent Mingue’s qi deviation, and enliven Nie Huisang’s drinking parties with Mo Xuanyu with witty and erudite banter, and quietly stan Jin Guangyao as someone from the gutter who made it, even when that means JGY as Chief Cultivator can’t be seen to do anything to raise dual cultivation sects’ frankly abysmal social status in the cultivation world.

The Juniors fear him because he and his sect head gave them a series of lectures on sexual ethics, so he’s the fatal combination of a weirdo hippy who’ll talk freely about masturbation, and the stern teacher who will know if you don’t tip your sex workers in cash where their management can’t see.

(And then when he meets Wen Ning he recognizes another outcast, someone uniquely without arrogance or pride--someone with, frankly, an outrageously idealistic amount of anger towards the cultivation world’s status quo--and thinks, I would like to become the kind of person who could walk beside you.)

But when one of his patrons advocates for the Jiang sect to accept him as a student in swordsmanship, they tell Jiang Cheng some things that significantly recontextualize their whole years-long relationship as sex worker and client, like how this guy got injured in the first place, which is just frankly hitting Jiang Cheng when he’s already been clobbered over the head with the fact that his pride has ruined his life, and this guy ends up at ground zero of JC working his way out of the post-series breakdown/spiritual awakening. While being consistently in love with/longing to join Wen Ning.

IT’S BASICALLY AN EPIC ROMANCE ABOUT FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS WITH ONE LITTLE ROMANCE-ROMANCE THROWN IN FOR SPICE. I CAN SEE IT ALL SO CLEARLY.

I hope to god I can write the damn thing. And find him a fucking courtesy name.

[nerdygaymormon]

Hi, so I've been considering leaving the church. Not just because of my sexuality, but it is a small part of it. I'm still a minor so I've got a few years before I'm actually able to, but I was wondering if you could give a few reasons to stay, so I can consider my options

This is a very personal choice and one I think is between you & God. 

I think one approach is to ask if this is the best church option for you. What are other churches offering? Is this one giving you the best bang for the buck?

Another way to approach this is to ask if the positive things I’m receiving from this outweigh the negative things I’m receiving. Queer Mormons receive a lot of negativity, and studies show that it actually harms the mental health of most LGBTQ members. If one does not feel safe or healthy at church, staying is not the path to follow

Another way to go about this is thinking can you limit your exposure to the negative while maximizing your access to the positive. For example, if most harmful words are said in 2nd hour, then skipping that may be enough while choosing to participate in service activities or volunteering at the storehouse. 

Consider what your goals are, will church help or hinder? A queer person who wants to find love, to live with a partner, they know their time in church is probably limited and then it becomes a question of how long do I stay, until I find someone or go ahead and leave now. Or is the hope that the church’s vision of the Celestial Kingdom and how to get there enough, and you’re willing to forego love and relationships for it. 

As you requested, here’s a few reasons why you may choose to stay: 

the music (especially if you like participating in choir)

this is the spiritual language you’re familiar with

the sense of community and belonging, these are your people

because you want to stay

you see opportunities to help you grow & develop as a person

to advocate for change

to be a safe person for others

because you need access to the food/fiscal help to survive

maybe you’re not in a position to safely leave, to stop attending would jeopardize your housing, your job, your education, and so on

You feel better when you attend

There’s a study that compared 4 groups of queer Mormons--those who are active, those who are inactive, those who resigned from church, those who were excommunicated

The group that had the best mental health were those who went inactive, they just stopped attending. The next best was those who resigned, followed by the group who was excommunicated and bottom of the list were queer people who were active in the church. 

I mention that study to suggest going inactive may be the easiest and best way. It’s especially easy if you move and just don’t show up to your new ward. 

Others feel a great need to officially separate themselves from an institution that hurt them. Resigning is a way to say I won’t allow you to have control on me anymore. Quitmormon.com is a convenient way to resign. If this person ever chooses to rejoin church, it takes permission from the First Presidency.

It sounds like you have a couple years to consider this, please take care of yourself. And explore what inspires you, it will lead you where you belong.

Wishing you all the best,

David

[bookandcover]

Our monthly book for our family’s Anti-Racism Book Club, Sister Outsider is a collection of essays by foundational Feminism theorist and activist poet Audre Lorde. It was interesting and illuminating to appreciate, as I read, that these essays were penned and published between 1976 and 1983 because so many of the concepts Lorde explores are central to how race, gender, and sexuality are discussed, in academia and in activism, today. Most notably, in my mind, are her descriptions of intersectionality and how intersectionality operates in each life, shaping our perspectives and experiences. Lorde doesn’t use the term “intersectionality,” but this is what she so profoundly describes, as she advocates for unity through diversity (and not “in spite of” or “by erasing” differences). She offers an incredible message of hope. The task she sets to all of us is not an easy one, but it’s a powerful one and one she deeply believes in: through seeing each other more fully, through understanding the intersections of someone else’s complex identity and where that identity does or does not overlap with our own, we can find shared humanity and shared conviction to fight for change.

Audre Lorde is Black, female, lesbian, and the mother of two children. Her perspective and experiences are shaped by these different aspects of her identity, and she explains how each part of her multi-faceted identity has placed her outside of society’s “norms” in a variety of contexts. Even within sub-communities, she has found herself on the outside because of one of her identities. She describes how, when hoping to attend a Feminism conference for queer women, she wasn’t sure how to attend and care for her teenage son, as no boys over age 10 were allowed at the conference. Lorde’s identities do not have a “hierarchy of othering” nor are they separable from each other. Through these essays, she shows how these identities are linked, yet one may be more central to certain experiences than others. She identifies with women across the Feminist movement, yet her Blackness is often misunderstood or blatantly judged by white women. She identifies with Black men struggling against racism, and speaks about Malcolm X and Martin Luther King Jr., but she’s repeatedly othered and traumatized by the violence against Black women perpetuated by Black men. She speaks out about the violence and hatred from Black people directed at other Black people and she does a lot to explain and examine “internalized racism” (another term that she describes without using this exact wording, and yet it’s a concept that’s important in race discussion today). I wondered whether Lorde is credited with developing these concepts, and how other thinkers built on her ideas, and where the specific terminology itself came from. I’ll do some more digging.

In our family discussion, my sister pointed out how much she liked the part in the Introduction—written by a white, Jewish, Lesbian mother—in which the author explained that Lorde’s explanation of and examination of her intersectional identity allowed the author to examine her own. Although these two women’s identifies are not the same, the act of intersectional thinking and awareness  that Lorde demonstrates allowed the author of the Introduction to better think about these things in herself and to process how to discuss her complex identity with her son. I found this to be such a poignant point—that intersectionality can function as a tool. It doesn’t mean we need to identity with Lorde’s perspective in a specific sense (and the majority of readers will not be able to, having their own identities that are complex, but different than Lorde’s) but we can identify with her ways of thinking about identity. We can learn from her methodology and apply it to ourselves and to our interactions with others. There are a lot of aspects of our intersectional identities that we take for granted on a daily basis. These are the ones that align with the “norm,” the privileged identity in America, and therefore are those we are not forced by others to repeatedly be aware of…the world is designed to fit those aspects of identity. But that doesn’t mean we should not actively examine these aspects of identity as well, and I feel that intersectionality helps us do this, helps us “check our privilege” in these areas. If I read about the experiences of a Black, female lesbian, I gain new understanding of the things I take for granted in my whiteness and my heterosexuality. If I read something written by someone with a physical handicap, I gain new understanding of how I take my able-bodiedness for granted. This does not work only across one dimension, but across many dimensions simultaneously, as I feel affinity for Lorde in her femaleness, but also nuanced understanding of how her experience of being female has been fundamentally different than my own.

This book gave me confidence to speak up about race and identity, more so, I think, than any other we’ve read since June 2020. Because identity is so complex, I am going to make mistakes. I am going to be blatantly racist, sexist, homophobic, classist, and many more things, as these things are ingrained in all of us by society. I am going to be the most blind in the areas where I have experienced the most privilege. But each person’s identity is complex, and race conversations are not “us versus them”—it’s “me and you,” talking and processing, and trying to get to know our differences. Lorde has such a strong conviction in the process of unity, of coming through understanding of each other and each other’s diversity. And it’s clear that this is only achieved through closeness, through effort, through work and discussion (which is inherently painful because it works out the deep thorns of hatred). Lorde’s faith in this is so powerful and it uplifted me to try, with each person, to get closer to understanding their intersectional identities. I know that this is not a project that I can expect another person to enter into with me, and Lorde points to several times when she’s exhausted by this work, when she acknowledges how less emotionally-taxing certain conversations about race with white people would be if they were conducted by another white person.

I think that, on some deep level, I have always struggled with a fear of misspeaking about race. This is a funny fear to have because I have already misspoken about race. I have said things out of ignorance, out of racism, that have hurt others, probably more times than I know. I have had friends call me out. I have apologized. I have felt sad about the impact of my words. I have felt ashamed about my ignorance. Why would I still dread these experiences? I guess, because they are painful, and no one likes anything painful, but they are definitely less painful for me. So I try to overcome my fear of them. I think I am someone who craves the approval of others. I like to be liked, something cultivated from a very young age when I won the approval of teachers and of my parents by being a strong student. I didn’t really have the experience of disappointing someone (I probably should have, so I could have made tools earlier for dealing with it). Why do I want/need the approval of strangers? Why do I want to be liked? Why does this factor into a fear of judgment and of misspeaking? I think as I’ve grown up I’ve improved at taking criticism. I am good at taking criticism on things I produce: my writing, my school work, my work work. I am getting pretty good at taking personal criticism from loved ones—“you said x and that hurt my feelings”—I am good at admitting fault. I do not feel insecure about mistakes or failures. Yet, I’m somehow more afraid of hurting strangers, and the hurt that comes from speaking up and hurting others about race. My logical mind rejects this—“your hurt is microscopic and should not be the focus when you’ve hurt others”—but I also know I still feel this. I’m not doing a great job of talking myself out of it.

Audre Lorde, however, is. My favorite moment in this book is the following quote:

“If I speak to you in anger, at least I have spoken to you: I have not put a gun to your head and shot you down in the street…”

I felt this moment strike me deeply and shift something tectonic within me. I felt this change the way I thought about my fear. I felt the incredible power of someone telling me I’ve hurt them, of being willing and able to do that. Yes, I still would not want to hurt someone else because I would not want to hurt them. But I feel, in a new way, that I am not afraid of misspeaking on race because of the backlash on me. I need to try to not hurt others, but I will. And when I do, I will need to try harder. I will be grateful for words of anger because they are WORDS. Words are not something of which to be afraid; words are opportunities.

Another striking part of this book for me was the conversation between Adrienne Rich and Audre Lorde. I’m a big fan of Rich’s poetry and routinely taught “Diving Into the Wreck” to my students, as a way to talk about Feminism and identity. I really appreciated seeing these women converse, modeling, I felt, the approach to conversations around intersectionality that Lorde supports. These two women don’t hold back, and they don’t always agree. Yet, their friendship and trust deepens through their acts of disagreement and reckoning. The best part of this essay, for me, was when Lorde brings up how Rich asked her on the phone in a conversation around race to provide “documentation” of her perspective, as a way to help Rich “perceive what you perceive.” Lorde, however, takes this request as one coming from an academic/rationalist perspective, a perspective that has often been employed to discredit Lorde’s own, as a “questioning of her perceptions” (which, white men academics too often feel, are suspect when coming from a Black woman). Neither Rich nor Lorde backs off their approach—Rich tying this need for documentation to how seriously she takes the spaces between her and Lorde that she seeks to fill with information and understanding, and Lorde pointing out that documentation supports analysis and not perception, which is the way the world is directly received by her, a Black woman. I don’t think this conversation is colored by them being respectful of each other in their words and language, but by the honesty that is evidence of deep and true respect.

This book is bookended by two essays that take place aboard—the first in Russia and the last in Grenada. In both, Lorde has another identity that she comments on less explicitly, but that is nevertheless explored: that of the English-speaking American aboard. She’s supported by translators and guides throughout her academic trip to Russia, and she experiences Grenada in terms of the American Imperialist invasion that overwrote the narrative of the local people with whom she feels strong affinity through her mother. In Russia, Lorde compares and contrasts the systems she sees at play with American systems (the poor, horrified Russian man to whom she explains that Americans don’t have universal healthcare and if you can’t afford it, “sometimes you die”). Reading Lorde’s descriptions of her trips invoked in me a deep desire to travel, a pining for those experiences that I’ve tried to stamp down firmly in the past year, but travel has been such a significant part of my life over the past 5 years…it’s hard to silence my longing. (I cried yesterday morning about wanting to visit the remains of Troy where they’ve been unearthed in western Turkey near Canakkale…) I felt like these bookends helped me expand the principles of intersectionality beyond the American Black-white dynamic, although this is the hugest and most painful power dynamic impacting America today, to remember that these issues are universal. Lorde focuses more universally than some of the other authors we’ve read recently, focusing her commentary on all aspects of her identity, and not solely race. Struggles around race, gender, sexuality, nationality, and many other aspects of identity are occurring around the world, and it’s important to work to understand the intersectionality of others’ lives and experiences in a complex, nuanced way. By doing this, Lorde shows, we can direct our emotions and our efforts vertically, working to dismantle stratified systems of inequality, rather than battling over differences on a horizontal plane.