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cherienymphe · 4 years ago

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Cruel Intentions (Steve Rogers x Reader)

WARNINGS: NON-CON, manipulation, mentions of abuse, therapist!Steve, silverfox!Steve, drugging

! DNI IF THIS OFFENDS YOU !

➥ Image by @angrybirdcr

➥ dividers by @firefly-graphics

This is for the “For the Fic” challenge whose winner for my fic was @darkficsyouneveraskedfor

The entire plot was her request and I hope that you like it!

summary: after escaping an abusive ex, you find solace in a therapist recommended to you by a friend.

“...I know I shouldn’t...but sometimes I blame myself. In Harry, I know that I was looking for what I never had in my family. I think it made me quick to rush into things...to ignore what I should have seen.”

Your eyes remained on the dark carpet, the man before you humming as the scribbling sound of his pen reached your ears. You fought hard not to fidget, a horrible habit you’d picked up in the last 3 years. You finally lifted your head again when the room was bathed in silence, eyes meeting familiar blue ones as he studied you.

You were used to these short moments of silence by now.

You’d been recommended to Dr. Steve Rogers by a friend, a friend who’d helped you escape your violent ex in the dead of night while he’d been away on business. She had grown worried when it became obvious that the effects of your tumultuous relationship would be lasting if you didn’t do something about it. Oddly enough, you’d been receptive. For 2 whole years, you’d wanted to tell someone, have anyone to turn to and talk to, but fear, a very valid fear, had stopped you.

Not only had you been worried for your life, something that was threatened on a constant basis, but you’d also been afraid of judgement. You worried what your friends would say, if they’d blame you for finding yourself in such a predicament, if they’d look down on you for no longer fighting back. It was only by a stroke of luck that Nakia had seen Harry slap you right across the face when he thought she’d left. You were grateful that she’d waited for him to leave before rushing towards your trembling frame, pulling you into her arms as she shushed you.

She had demanded to know how long this had been going on. She had been horrified and confused and angry. It didn’t take her long to come up with a plan, and within 2 weeks, after waiting for Harry to leave the city for 2 days, she’d gotten you out and into her place across town. You didn’t stay for long, maybe a few weeks, wanting nothing but to put it all behind you, and although she was sad to see you go, she understood.

It was how you found yourself in upstate New York, in a secluded tiny thing of a house. You hadn’t even realized that you’d become something of a recluse until Nakia had pointed it out during one of your weekly calls. It had never hit you that you went to work and to home and that was it. You barely ate anymore, so grocery shopping was never a frequent affair. That was when she’d told you about a well known therapist in the area, Steven G. Rogers. You had been shocked by how much you weren’t opposed to the idea as she went on listing all of his credentials.

It was only moments after she hung up that you found yourself researching him yourself. You remembered noting how handsome the man was, even more so in person. His bright blue eyes and silver tresses complimented his strong features nicely, pink lips pulled up into a polite smile. You didn’t find yourself put off by the stranger, thinking to yourself that talking to someone you didn’t know, an objective listener who was paid not to judge you, might be for the best.

You soon found out that was easier said than done.

The first visit had been rocky, barely mumbling a thing and constantly fidgeting. You had hardly been able to meet his eye, and the session had abruptly ended when you’d left early, stumbling over your words as you gave some half assed excuse for your sudden departure. He was far more understanding than you deserved during your second visit. Wracked with guilt and anxiety, you’d written some things down that you wanted to talk about, and thankfully, the man hadn’t laughed at you. In fact, you remembered how fondly he looked at you as you unfolded it.

As it turned out, you didn’t need the slip of paper at all. Notes forgotten, you had rambled on for an hour. It was like once you started, you just couldn’t stop, and Steve simply listened the entire time. The next time he spoke to you was only to tell you that your time was up, and both embarrassment and disappointment had flooded through you. It must have been obvious, plain as day on your features, because Steve reassured you that it was normal to ramble.

You had been reluctant to leave. After years of biting your tongue and living in fear of even making the wrong sound, you finally found someone to listen. Even if it was only a stranger getting paid for it, it was still something. There was someone to express your fears to, and although it had taken some time, terrified that you’d say the wrong thing and upset him, eventually, you started to express your anger too.

“...and then I get angry all over again,” you continued when he said nothing. “...because I’m smart, because red flags in others’ relationships have always been so obvious to me. I’ve always been the mom friend, the one who can spot trouble before it even starts. I’ve helped friends get out of situations before they even had the chance to turn sour…”

You shook your head.

“...and yet...it took a slap to the face to realize just how deep I was in? Not the jealousy, not the anger issues nor the way he’d isolated me from just about everyone in my life...but a slap? It should’ve never gotten to that.”

“You can’t blame yourself for the actions of others.”

It wasn’t the first time you’d heard that. Hell, it wasn’t even the first time he’d told you that, and yet here you were again.

“We can go in circles analyzing your own behavior and the things you did and the things you said, but the truth is that you could play it out in your head a million times. You could do every single thing differently, and it still wouldn’t change a thing.”

The corner of his lips lifted into a crooked smile, a familiar sight.

“Some people are simply cruel, and it has nothing at all to do with you.”

You sharply inhaled, unsure of why such a simple statement resonated with you so deeply. You stared at Steve, blinking a few times, opening your mouth to respond when he glanced at the clock. It was a tell tale sign, and your shoulders sagged. You would think that after seeing him for 7 months now, you’d be used to leaving after only an hour, but it never got easier.

“That’s all the time we have for today,” he said, standing. “You’re progressing nicely, Y/N.”

You rolled your eyes, and he chuckled, eyes crinkling.

“You are. Progress and healing isn’t linear. Sometimes you’re going to take 2 steps back before you can take 10 more forward. It’s all part of the process,” he assured you.

You sighed.

“Well… I guess that does make me feel a bit better,” you replied.

He sent you a small smile as he guided you towards the door.

“I’ll see you next week?”

You returned his smile with a nod and didn’t let your face fall until the door was shut behind you. The good thing about therapy was that you could recognize your own toxic behaviors now, and it was clear that you were becoming reliant on your sessions with Steve. You had never liked being alone, but you had come all the way out here to learn to do just that. For your sake, you needed to learn to love being alone. It was how you had gotten into this mess to begin with.

Your phone vibrated with a call from an unknown number, and figuring it was a scam call, you silenced it.

Your house was practically in the middle of nowhere, so when the tv wasn’t blasting or you didn’t have Spotify playing some light tune, the house could get scarily quiet. But that was what you wanted...right? Harry had always been so explosive. The smallest of things could set him off and then the sound of yelling and shattering glass would rain down on you. Silence and solitude was what you wanted, needed.

Your phone buzzed again as you settled into your car, and you huffed when you noticed it was the same number. Again, you weren’t unfamiliar with scam callers so you ignored it. You noted that you needed to go grocery shopping, but you weren’t on the precipice of starvation just yet, so it could hold off for another day. By the time you got inside, your phone had started to buzz again, and with a frown, you decided to answer it.

“Hello?”

You were met with silence as you unlocked your door, and you repeated yourself, but there was no response. With a sigh, you hung up the phone. You both loved and hated coming home. It was quiet and safe and everything you had craved for years now, but the unfamiliarity of it all unnerved you. Sometimes you were just waiting for Harry to come flying through the door, screaming and breaking things. You had to remind yourself that this silence, this security, is how it’s supposed to be.

You went about making a quick meal, hopping into the shower while leaving the stove on low. When you got out, in the process of moisturizing your arms, you noticed your phone buzzing with another call. From that same number. Unease filled you as you neared it, and you hesitantly reached for it before answering.

Again, you were met with silence, and frustrated and annoyed, you simply blocked the number. A quick look through your phone revealed that you’d missed several calls from the same number while in the bathroom. Blinking with a deepening frown, you set your phone down and made your way to your kitchen. Dinner, like always these days, was quiet. You curled up on the couch with your plate while you watched some old sitcom.

The rest of the night passed as blandly as it always did. Sleep was much easier to find these days, so you had no trouble as soon as your head hit the pillow. However, just as you were on the verge, your phone buzzed with another call. This number didn’t match the previous one, but it was unknown nonetheless. With a groan, you put your phone on silent and rolled over, sleep claiming you.

“I know it’s you,” you sneered into the phone.

Unsurprisingly, you were met with the faint sound of breathing, and you clenched your jaw. You slammed the car door behind you before stomping across the parking lot.

“I know it’s you,” you quietly repeated. “Stay away from me.”

You hung up before blocking the number, the 10th number you had blocked in the past week. Every few hours or so a day, like clockwork, you got calls from an unknown number. You’d always end up blocking the number after the first few calls, but they always called again from a different one. At first, they’d say nothing, and you’d listen to silence for a few seconds before hanging up. Now, they’d taken to breathing in your ear like a creep. It wasn’t even until you blocked the 3rd number did it finally hit you.

Harry.

Harry freaking Osborn.

You felt like such an idiot for not putting it together sooner. Of course, it was Harry. Was this not the same man who threatened to hunt you down and drag you back like some animal if you ever left him? You had always equated woman beaters to cowards so you never thought he’d have the nerve to actually do it. Putting the pieces together didn’t bring you any comfort. Your filthy rich abusive ex had managed to track you down. What comfort was there to find in that?

Since that day, you hadn’t had a proper night of sleep. Your mind was constantly at war with itself on what to do. Having been down this road before, you knew the police would be no help. You’d gone to them once before, at the very beginning after the first time he’d hit you. It was your first harsh lesson that money ruled over everything. If you thought hard enough, you could still recall his hands around your throat, eyes alight with anger at what you’d tried to pull.

Still, you considered at least trying to get a restraining order but at the end of the day, that was a mere piece of paper. If Harry came to your door, it wasn’t going to stop him from hurting you, and that’s even if the whole process went through. They don’t just give restraining orders out willy nilly. You tried not to dwell on that hypothetical situation, but if he’d found your number, it would only be a matter of time before he found your address.

“Oh!”

You’d only just entered the grocery store, barely stepping into an aisle when you bumped into someone. The chips and bread in his hands went flying to the floor, and apologies tumbled from your lips. It was only after you helped him pick up what you made him drop did you realize who you’d run into.

“Dr. Rogers...hi,” you breathed.

The corner of his lips pulled into a crooked smile, head tilting to the side as his gaze fell onto you.

“We’ve discussed this before, Y/N. You’re more than welcome to call me Steve,” he told you.

You gave a nervous chuckle, nodding.

“Yeah...uh… I normally do, it just...it just slipped my mind,” you replied.

He blinked at you, eyes narrowing just a bit as he studied you. His brows furrowed in that concerned way you were used to, a silver strand of hair kissing his forehead.

“Everything okay…?”

You folded your arms over your chest, nodding with a strained smile.

“Everything’s fine,” you lied. “It’s just… It’s been a weird week. Our next session cannot come fast enough.”

You forced a light laugh, and he joined you. He placed a hand on his hip, eyes boring into your own.

“There’s a coffee shop just over there,” he gestured. “Did you want to sit and have a chat?”

You frantically shook your head.

“Oh, no. I couldn’t,” you told him. “I-.”

“I know I’m your therapist, but I want you to think of me as a confidant outside of the office too. You’re more than welcome to talk to me anytime. In fact, I encourage it,” he interrupted.

You nervously eyed him with a frown.

“Are...are you sure?”

His smile was comforting.

“This may be my job, but it’s one I chose because it’s one I enjoy. I don’t want you to feel like you’re only allowed to talk to me during our sessions,” he quietly said.

You bit your lip, and Steve continued.

“I’d hate to think that you’re bottling things up for days on end, suffering in silence because you’re just waiting to talk to me,” he confessed.

Your shoulders sagged, and you hesitantly nodded.

“...okay. I just need to get a few things for the house.”

“Okay,” he said with a smile. “You know where to find me.”

You parted ways, and a sigh escaped you. You really didn’t want to become reliant on Steve. Wasn’t the whole point of therapy to learn how to process your feelings and cope with them better? Running to your therapist every time you have a problem just seemed counterproductive. And yet, once your car was loaded up with the few items you bought, you found yourself making your way to the coffee shop.

After ordering a small drink, you easily spotted Steve at a table in the back. You noted that even outside of your sessions, he still dressed nicely. The dark button down he wore contrasted with his light hair, dark slacks making him appear taller. You felt simultaneously nervous and comforted as you settled across from him. There was a brief silence, one in which you sipped on your drink while he eyed you before finally speaking.

“So what’s on your mind?”

What a loaded question. You struggled over whether or not to tell him the truth. Your abusive ex had found you somehow and was currently harassing you. That’s not something you could just casually drop into the conversation. Besides, Steve was your therapist, not your friend. You didn’t think it fair to rope him into the drama with your ex. That wasn’t part of his job description. Right?

“Just sleepless nights,” you said.

It wasn’t a complete lie. Steve eyed you like he was waiting for you to continue, blue eyes soft.

“I’m also worried that...my past might not remain in the past.”

Once again, this wasn’t a complete lie.

“How so?” Steve hummed.

“I can’t help but wonder about what will happen if Harry finds me. He always threatened that he would if I ever left, and while I never believed him before, I just keep wondering… What if he does?”

Steve tilted his head at you, and you leaned back in your seat with a sigh.

“I’ve moved all the way out here to get away from him. I’ve isolated myself because I thought it was for the best, but it would have the opposite effect if he ever found me. I’ve never been particularly close with my family as you well know, and I’ve left all of my friends. I’m all alone here, and it’s the worst thing to be if he ever did track me down.”

Like always, you had started to ramble, and you snapped your mouth closed, embarrassment flooding through you.

“What brought all of this on?”

Steve’s eyes were sincere as he ran them over you, handsome face twisted in concern, and you glanced away.

“Just thinking,” you lamely replied, eyes on your drink now. “It’s something I’ve always thought about, sure, but it’s been more pressing as of late.”

“Well...that’s what I’m here for. You shouldn’t have to deal with these thoughts alone,” he eventually said.

“I know,” you sighed, rubbing your temples. “...but I shouldn’t become so reliant on you. The whole point of therapy is to learn to deal with these things on my own, is it not?”

Steve exhaled, leaning back in his seat as he gazed at you.

“Not necessarily. Not always,” he answered. “...but even then, until you can get to that point, it’s best to lean into your support. After all, you’ve gotta crawl before you can walk, right?”

You nodded, taking in his words.

“...and even when you’re walking, you usually need someone there in the beginning to hold your hand in case you fall. I encourage you to talk to your friends more, maybe even branch out and find some friends here, but I’m here as well. Don’t halt any of your progress because you feel like you need to be dealing with this alone. Outside help does more for your progress than you’d think.”

“I guess that does make sense. I don’t know… I just- I’d feel so bad about showing up at your office throughout all hours of the day or calling your receptionist-.”

You cut yourself off when he took out a pen and a slip of paper.

“Here,” he said, scribbling a number on it before handing it to you. “This is my personal number.”

Your eyes widened.

“Oh, I can’t-.”

“It’s fine, trust me.”

You hesitantly returned his smile, taking the piece of paper.

“Don’t hesitate to call me anytime you want to,” he told you, standing.

You joined him, fingering the note before sliding it into your pocket.

“Thank you…Steve. I don’t know if I’ll ever actually call you, but just knowing that I have the option makes me feel so much better,” you whispered.

You heard his pager go off, and you watched as he glanced at it. He let out a sigh, and if you didn’t know any better, you’d say he sounded disappointed.

“I’ve got to go, but I hope you’ll use that number if you need to.”

Thanking him again, you said your goodbyes, and you watched as he exited the shop. The slip of paper felt heavy in your pocket, so you solved that by putting his number into your phone. Just as you were about to put it back into your purse, it buzzed with a call from an unknown number. Fear settled into your gut, and with a grimace, you silenced the call and blocked the number.

You were late. You were so late it was laughable to even show up at this point. Your shoes tapped against the tile as the numbers on the elevator lit up as it passed each floor. You slipped through the doors as soon as they parted, and with no mind to check in, the receptionist calling your name, you raced towards Steve’s office. You reached his door just as he opened it to step out, and the papers that he was holding scattered to the floor as you collided with him. You hadn’t even realized how fast you’d been running until you were knocked on your ass.

You could hear the heels of the receptionist as she ran over, apologizing to Steve for letting you slip past her, but he waved her off. She reluctantly returned to her desk, and you scrambled to sit up, reaching for everything that had fallen.

“I was beginning to think you’d never show,” Steve joked.

You gave a shaky laugh.

“I uh...I got caught up,” you replied through trembling lips, fingers shaking as you struggled to stack all of his paperwork.

You could feel Steve’s eyes on you, but you avoided his gaze.

“I know I’m late. Our hour is practically over, but I- I just… Um, crap.”

You had dropped the papers all over again, and you both reached for them at the same time. At least, that was what you thought. Steve’s hands covered yours, and you only just realized how badly they were shaking.

“Y/N.”

His voice was soft, exactly what you needed right now, but you couldn’t look him in the eye.

“Y/N, is everything alright?”

Your chest was tight, and you wanted to will your lips to form a yes. You wanted to tell him that everything was fine, but you couldn’t even get the words out. He called your name again, and you suddenly stood, taking the papers with you. You handed them to him as he followed your lead, still avoiding his eye.

“I’m sorry for being late, and I know that you probably have another session-.”

“I don’t,” he interrupted. “Come in.”

You glanced up from beneath your lashes as he opened the door, ushering you inside. You wrapped your arms around yourself as he shut the door behind you.

“Is everything okay?”

You turned your face away from him, unable to keep it from crumbling as you held in a sob.

“Y/N.”

The way he called your name had you freezing in place, a shiver running through you at his firm tone, authority in the one simple word. In a way, it reminded you of Harry, and you looked to him with wide eyes. Seeming to understand what he’d done, Steve sighed before sitting down, making himself appear smaller to show that he wasn’t a threat to you.

“I’m sorry,” he genuinely apologized. “I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. Please...sit.”

You hesitantly did so and reached out to take the tissue he offered you. You hadn’t even realized that you’d started crying.

“Now… I’m going to ask you again, and I’m begging you to please be honest with me. I’m here to help you in any way I can,” he whispered.

You wiped your face, sinking your teeth into your lip.

“It’s...Harry.”

Steve’s face was pinched with concern.

“What is it? Are you having nightmares again-?”

“No, you don’t understand. He’s calling me,” you confessed.

Steve froze, blinking a few times before his eyes widened, your words finally registering. You sniffed, fighting to hold in a sob.

“It started weeks ago, before we ran into each other that night…”

You didn’t miss the disappointment that flitted over his features, lips pressed together.

“...and I know I should’ve said something then-.”

“You should’ve called me.”

“I know! I know, but… I don’t know. I just wanted to handle this on my own,” you quietly said.

He didn’t respond, and you turned your eyes towards the window.

“Last time...I wasn’t able to get away on my own. I wanted it to be different this time. At first, I simply blocked him but he kept calling and calling from different numbers. Then I got a new phone...and eventually another, but it’s still the same. He keeps finding me,” you tearfully told him. “...and today…”

Your eyes met his, and you were comforted by the concern you saw there.

“Today I was at the police station. That’s why I was late.”

Steve straightened up at this.

“I thought that maybe I could get a restraining order or maybe they could trace the calls to show that it’s him, but the whole visit was useless. They boiled it down to petty relationship drama, and since there’s no record of his violent behavior because I never reported anything…”

You shrugged, scoffing.

“There’s basically nothing they can do. The whole visit was a waste,” you spat.

Steve heaved a sigh, and he slowly reached out towards you, leaning forward.

“I didn’t ask before, but… Is it alright if I hold your hand?”

You nodded. That was what you liked about Steve. He was always asking for your consent with just about everything, even the simplest of things, and it was such a nice contrast to Harry who used to feel like he was entitled to your body. Steve took your hand, throwing you a comforting smile as he eyed you, worried.

“I wish that you had called me,” he said.

You looked down, guilt filling you.

“I could have helped you before it ever got to this point. I have friends on the force, friends in high places who could lock this creep up if you wanted.”

“I feel like an idiot.”

Of course Steve, Dr. Steven Rogers, knew people who could help you. Of course he did! Your stubbornness had gotten you far deeper into this than necessary.

“What have I said about self deprecating language?”

“Sorry,” you murmured.

“You’re not an idiot. Don’t talk about yourself like that. You’re just a woman trying to find her strength again.”

You hesitantly nodded, and he brushed his thumb over the back of your hand.

“I want you to get rid of your phone,” he suggested.

You frowned, and he continued before you could question him.

“I’ll work on getting a new one for you. A secure one under my name.”

You frowned, not liking the idea of being so indebted to him.

“Steve, I don’t know-.”

“It’ll only be temporary. You can use it until I talk to some people and have him properly dealt with.”

Even though you weren’t keen on the idea, you reluctantly agreed.

“...and you have to promise me one thing…”

You eyed him, holding his gaze as you waited for him to continue.

“Promise me that you’ll call me the second he bothers you again,” he proposed.

Accepting the fact that your stubbornness was doing you more harm than good, you nodded. Steve seemed pleased with that, and with one last pat on your hand, he let you go. As he guided you out of your office, your phone in his hand, you felt more hopeful than you had in over a month. You felt so silly for not seeking out his help sooner, and you couldn’t deny the weight that had been lifted from your shoulders as you settled into your car.

True to his word, at your next session, Steve presented you with a new phone. It had all of your important contacts with Steve being at the top of the list. Embarrassment had flooded you as you thanked him with tears in your eyes. The week without your phone had been the most peace you’d had in a while, and you finally got some much needed rest.

“You haven’t heard anything from him, have you?” he’d asked you.

“No,” you answered, shaking your head. “Not a peep.”

He threw you that same smile that always brought you comfort.

“Good. Even if you never do, you’re always free to call me,” he’d reminded you.

Finally deciding to let your stubbornness go, you did. Talking to Steve outside of your sessions was easier than you thought it’d be. It was like talking to a friend. Sometimes you’d meet up at that same coffee shop not too far from his office, and other times you’d be putting a quick meal together while he was on the other line, listening to you ramble. You soon realized that it wasn’t just his profession that made him that way, but Steve truly was an unbiased listener. He never judged you for any steps back in your progress nor for any of your more self deprecating thoughts.

Best of all, you hadn’t heard anything more from Harry.

Not until he knocked on your door one night.

It was late when you’d heard the pounding on the wood, and having been watching tv in your room, you wondered if you imagined it. It was only moments later that you’d heard it again. Your eyes had widened, sitting up in alarm. No one knew you lived here. Not even your mailman. All of your mail collected at a Post Office box before you eventually went to pick it up. You stood, standing in your room, trembling in fear before a knock on your bedroom window had you screaming.

You didn’t hesitate to call the police, and it took longer than you liked for them to arrive. All the while, you dealt with knocking and pounding on your window and door. Back and forth, it alternated with minutes in between before stopping altogether when the sound of sirens could be heard. Unsurprisingly, and frustratingly, the police didn’t find anyone.

“Look, we’ll get this report down to the station,” the brunette had told you, not looking concerned in the least.

Frustration filled you, and you shuffled on your feet.

“Can’t you...idk, have someone stay here? Not even the whole night but just a few hours in case they come back?”

The tall man sighed, and you glanced at his badge. Officer Barnes, you noted.

“With all due respect mam, we can’t just have one of our officers sitting in your yard because someone knocked on your door-.”

“I told you-!”

“I know, I know. The windows too,” he said, sounding exasperated, and your frown deepened. “The best we can do is get this down to the station. You’re more than welcome to call us again should anyone come back.”

You crossed your arms over your chest as they left, finding no relief. You swallowed as you thought about Steve. You didn’t want to, but Harry had found you, tormenting you by knocking on your house in the dead of night. This was exactly the reason Steve had given you his number. Swallowing down your stubbornness, and with a deep breath, you called him.

He didn’t sound like he was asleep, and for that you were grateful. You would’ve kicked yourself if you had woken him up. Finally getting out why you’d called him was an awkward affair, stumbling over your words, and you felt even worse as he agreed to come over. There was no hesitation, and you couldn’t help but feel as if you were taking advantage of Steve’s generosity.

You mumbled out your address, surprised to realize how relieved you were. You couldn’t remember the last time you had trusted a man this much. Harry had made you so paranoid, but you supposed that was what therapy was for. This was why you had all those sessions with Steve. To learn to heal and to trust again.

You opened the door with a small smile when he finally pulled into your yard. He was dressed comfortably, and you felt much better about your own ratty t-shirt and leggings, but his casual attire made him no less striking.

“Thank you,” you breathed as he stepped inside.

“I was up going over paperwork when you called. I’m glad you did,” he told you.

You leaned against the door as you closed it, rubbing your arms.

“I didn’t know if I should. It’s just… He was here, Steve. Knocking on my door and window like something out of a horror movie, and the police treated it like it was nothing,” you complained.

Steve tilted his head at you with a sad smile.

“First thing in the morning, I’m going to make some more calls. Since he’s in town, it should be easy to have him put away. At the very least, a restraining order.”

Relief and hope filled you as you brushed past him.

“I really can’t thank you enough for coming over. I promise I won’t keep you long, just until I feel I can be ok being alone,” you said over your shoulder.

He followed you into the kitchen.

“Can I get you anything to drink? Eat? It’s the least I can do.”

“Some wine might be nice. You might want to pour yourself a glass too,” he suggested.

You chuckled, and he joined you, but you agreed with him nonetheless. You poured a glass for both of you, and you leaned against the counter with a sigh.

“I just don’t understand why he can’t leave me alone. Hasn’t he put me through enough?”

Steve hummed.

“From what you’ve told me, he strikes me as a narcissist. I’d bet that he doesn’t want you to move on,” he mused.

“Maybe,” you distractedly replied as you heard your phone ring. “I’ll be right back. Let me grab that super quick, it might be Nakia.”

Your phone was in your room, but by the time you reached it, it had stopped ringing. Sure enough, it was a missed call from your best friend, and you brought your phone with you to the kitchen, determined to call her back. Steve’s eyes were fond when you returned, and you shrugged.

“I need to call her back. I’ll only be a moment,” you said, swiping your glass.

“Take all the time you need.”

You made your way to the living room, taking your place on the couch as you called her back. She answered almost immediately.

“Hey, what’s up?”

She greeted you with a soft exhale.

“Uh… Harry’s...dead.”

You froze at her words, pulling the glass away from your lips. You blinked a few times, trying to come to terms with what she’d said.

“...what?”

“I just found out. I honestly didn’t know how you’d take the news, but I thought you should know.”

She was right. You yourself didn’t even know how you felt about this news. You had loved this man at one point...but he was also your abuser. This was good news...right?

“How?” you finally asked her.

She sighed.

“Apparently, he’d been missing for months-.”

“Months?”

“Yeah,” she quietly replied. “They found and identified his body today. I just saw it on the news.”

Your stomach twisted as the truth, and the meaning behind it, sank in. Just because Harry had been missing for months, it didn’t mean that he’d been dead for months. It very well could have been him harassing you like you believed. But...if they’d found and identified his body today, then there was no way it was him at your house tonight.

“Thank you,” you eventually said. “Um… I’m glad you told me.”

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’ll be okay,” you honestly replied. “I’m just a little unsure of how I feel about all of this, but I’ll call you tomorrow when I’ve slept on it.”

“Alright. Be safe.”

You said your goodbyes and returned to the kitchen with an empty glass.

“Everything okay?” Steve questioned.

Your face must have been an open book.

“Harry’s dead,” you scoffed, blinking as you still fought to process this.

Steve didn’t respond, and just like one of your sessions, he seemed to be waiting for you to continue.

“Apparently he’d been missing for months and they just identified his body today. There’s no way it could have been him knocking on my door tonight, and now...now I’m even more scared than I was before,” you confessed. “God, I can’t even fully come to terms with my feelings on this because I’m realizing that Harry might not have been the only thing I should’ve been afraid of.”

“Hey,” Steve soothingly said, nearing you. “Are you sure it wasn’t someone who got lost? Maybe they had the wrong house?”

You thought about it before shaking your head.

“No, it definitely didn’t seem like that. Oh my God,” you cried, letting your head fall into your hands.

Steve pulled you into his arms, startling you, but you eventually relaxed, the wine settling into your system nicely.

“It’s going to be alright-.”

“What if it isn’t? Because I’m the idiot who thought that Harry was the only possible danger out there, I’ve attracted another without even realizing it.”

“Hey, hey,” he soothed. “Maybe it was nothing, and maybe it was more. Either way, I’m only a phone call away. Say the word, and I’ll have an officer living in your yard if need be.”

You chuckled at that, and nodded.

“Thank you,” you said, looking at him. “I-.”

You swallowed your words when his lips met yours, soft and demanding as they moved against your own. You were stunned, and it took you a moment to realize just what was happening before you pulled away. You stared at Steve with wide eyes, hesitantly reaching up to touch your lips as you took a step back.

“Steve…”

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that,” he breathed.

Your lips parted, a soft gasp escaping you at both his words and the fire in his gaze. It was so sudden and great that it froze you.

“Steve, I think… I think you should go,” you whispered, almost in disbelief.

He frowned at you, tilting his head just a tad as he folded his arms over his chest.

“Go? Why would I do that when you’re not feeling well?”

You opened your mouth to repeat yourself, even demand to know what he meant, but a sudden wave of nausea hit you, head feeling fuzzy. Steve caught you just as you stumbled, and you frowned, fighting to get out of his arms.

“What…?”

“You seemed really tense. I thought you could use something to take the edge off…”

You stared at him in disbelief, attempting to blink away the stars in your vision. Your legs felt like they were made of Jell-O as Steve guided you towards the living room. He deposited you on the couch, and you could hardly do anything as he laid you down, sitting beside you. His blue eyes, normally so soft and comforting, were dark with a longing you had never seen before.

“You were like a wounded little lamb when you first came to me,” he murmured, brushing his thumb over your lip. “So lost...broken… It’s because of me that you’re even halfway back together again.”

His hands moved to slowly undress you, taking his time, and your hands might as well had been air as you tried to stop him. You shuddered as the cool air in the house hit you, nipples pebbling, even more so when Steve brushed his fingers over them.

“I wanted to wrap you in my arms during that first session. Drag you back as you tried to leave, show you how a woman should be touched by a man.”

You were in a state of shock, disbelief coursing through you as you watched Steve undress. Even at his age, the man was a wall of muscle, thick bands making you swallow in fear as you hopelessly tried to tell yourself that this was a dream.

“Steve,” you whispered.

“I had to be patient. I didn’t want to scare you off, push you into the arms of another dangerous man. I had to help you heal before showing the kind of man I can be for you,” he told you, fingers on your face as he neared you again.

Your whole body felt weighed down, and you couldn’t stop your tears even if you wanted to. Your touch was light as you pressed your hands to his chest, feeling like you were going to be sick as he settled over you.

“Harry is gone. He can’t hurt you anymore, and I’m going to make sure no one ever hurts you again.”

The irony was not lost on you, but the way he said that struck something in you, and your mind traveled to the unthinkable. You didn’t get the chance to think about it some more before Steve was forcing himself inside of you. A choking noise escaped you as he filled you to the hilt, your legs spread wide to accommodate his frame. Steve released a shuddering breath, breathing through his nose, body trembling as he delighted in the feel of you wrapped around him.

It was amazing that while all of your senses felt dulled, you could feel his pulsing member inside of you so well. He surrounded you, bulky frame caging you in, and you felt like you would pass out from suffocation. Steve sighed just before his lips met yours, and your stomach clenched as he moved within you. A broken moan slipped out against your will, and Steve groaned at the sound.

“I’ll show you pleasure that you’ve never known, touch you in ways you never felt. I know how to make you happy,” he purred, his pace languid as he thrust in and out of you.

You turned your head away, the furniture of your living room blurring together from whatever he’d slipped into your drink.

“I know your deepest desires and your deepest fears. I know you better than anyone else out there…”

You hated that in a way, Steve was right. You’d bared yourself to him under the guise of trust and healing. He really did know all there was to know about you, and you hated yourself for it. You hated him for hiding his intentions so well, for taking advantage of your vulnerability and trauma. He tutted as you started to squirm beneath him.

“After all I’ve done for you...in all the ways I’ve helped you, the least you could do is give yourself to me. I deserve to reap the benefits of my efforts-.”

You gasped beneath him, legs kicking around him, but he only pressed himself more firmly against you.

“...I’ve gone out of my way to make sure you were safe, to protect you so that no more threats remained to you nor our relationship.”

“You’re crazy-.”

You cut yourself off with a yelp as he nipped at your neck, jerking in his hold as he continued to snap his hips into yours. His hands were gentle on you, a contrast to how he fucked you, his pace increasing with every passing minute. Despite the fact that you could hardly move, he wrapped his arms around you, holding you in place as the sound of your coupling filled the room, your core now wet and slick from his ministrations.

Steve seemed intoxicated, blissfully immersed in the feel of you and how you clung to him. His low groans and moans filled your ear, and you could do nothing as he covered your lips again, tongue tasting you, moaning at the taste of wine that still remained.

“My touch will never cause you harm, bringing you nothing but pleasure for the rest of our lives.”

tags: @xoxabs88xox @harryspet @readermia @opheliadawnwalker3 @nickyl316h @captainchrisstan @sebabestianstan101 @villanellevi @lokislastlove @notyourtypicalrose @coconutqueen21 @hurricanerin @hyoyeoniie @sherrybaby14 @cocoamoonmalfoy @mandiiblanche @gotnofucks @oneoftheprettynerds @doozywoozy @sapphirescrolls @threeminutesoflife @searchforanotherway @mcudarklibrary @buckybarnesplumwhore @widowsmaximoff @nerdygirl8203 @supernaturalwintersoldier @charmed-asylum @harrysthiccthighss @patzammit

#dark steve rogers #dark steve x reader #Steve Rogers #steve rogers x reader

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yoonpobs · 4 years ago

Text

bad boy good thing xiv.

pairing: jeon jungkook x oc

genre: angst, smut, fluff, miscommunication (we hate her lol), pining

warnings: smut, jungkook is really an asshole, the angst hurts a lot tbh, unhealthy relationships (?)

words: 5, 690

summary: a series of drabbles where you're confused and jungkook's confusing

a/n:

hello!!!! we’re here at fourteen chapters omg ✨✨when i first started this series it was mostly self-indulgent and now there are people who actually enjoy reading it??🥺 it almost doesn’t seem real T.T

thank you so much for the love and support!!! just so I don't give too much spoilers for this chap - I apologise to my fellow geminis for the potential slander 🤣 this is more of a self-drag lmaooo

anyway, I hope you enjoy this chap!!!

“Ah. I’m getting allergies.” Yena sniffs, scrunching her nose.

You furrow your brows in concern, “Are you okay? Do you need any medicine?”

“It’s just the seasonal changes,” She brushes you off.

You nod in understanding, “I get it. My mom has horrible reactions towards pollen so—”

“I’m not allergic to flowers.” She blinks.

“Then what—?”

“It’s Gemini season. It’s like—literally the worst time of the year.” She blinks.

You gawk at her, taking a whole ten seconds to process her serious tone when she doesn’t waver under your scrutiny.

“I’m a Gemini,” You inform her slowly.

“I mean …” She shrugs all as you scowl at her, opting to throw the closest object you had, which was your favourite pen so you decide against it; simply shooting her the meanest glare you could possibly muster.

“Look, it’s not you,” She sighs, and you’re half-expecting her to finish with an it’s me to make you scoff, “It’s me.” And there you go. “I mean, it’s Gemini’s in general because they’re two-faced bitches who have the worst emotional attachment issues. Like they’re literally what the opposite of glue is. And they’re so over-analytical. How is it like psychoanalysing every person you meet only to hurt your own feelings and sulk about it?”

You blink.

“I mean it’s not you but if the shoe fits.” She says casually, plopping a grape into her mouth that you’re tempted to slap away.

“You’re so mean!” You pout indignantly.

She cackles, throwing her head back as you continue to sulk. You weren’t that bad. You just … you were risk-averse! You liked having the freedom to observe everyone and anyone and package them into tiny compartments in your head so you could understand them better. You weren’t … that Gemini.

“You’re so cute,” She coos pinching your cheeks. “No wonder Beef One and Beef Two like you so much.” She teases.

Your first reaction is to blush because you know who exactly she’s talking about, but you have more pressing matters, like—

“You have nicknames for them?” You ask, baffled.

“Hey, I wasn’t friends with many girls in high school. Don’t girls usually have nicknames for their crushes?” She says through a pout.

You stay expressionless as you try to gauge the level of seriousness you can extract from her tone.

You realise she’s dead serious.

“Yeah, but we’re in college,” You argue, scrunching your nose, “And sides’, it’s not like they’re strangers. We know them.”

She rolls her eyes, waving you off like you were the inconvenience here. Then she leans forward, her eyes twinkling as she takes a complete one-eighty that you try to adjust to.

“So … you Gemini hoe, what’s your plans?” She nudges you.

You raise a brow, “Did you just call me a—?”

“Plans, ___. Stay on track.” She scolds.

You sigh, still fond but you pretend to be annoyed. You really couldn’t get annoyed with Yena. After all, the more time you spend with her the more you realise how much life sucked before you had her in your life. You spent each moment learning more about her quirks and habits, her choice of words that made you giggle or laugh until you were crying.

And you realise that this is how she loves, a little rough but welcomed nonetheless.

“If you’re talking about my birthday then … not much. I’m probably stuck doing admin work for the college’s charity programme.” You shrug, stabbing a fork into your soiled salad.

Yena gapes at you, “Not much—excuse me? It’s your birthday! You’re turning twenty-five!”

You look at her dryly, “I’ve been twenty-five since the year—”

She groans, “That’s not the same! You’re like—officially twenty-five. You’re literally hitting the mark for a quarter-life crisis. Isn’t that something to celebrate?”

“Me going through an existential crisis at the end of my degree is not how I want to celebrate my birthday but okay,” You blink.

She rolls her eyes at your realism.

“That’s not the point. Point is, this is our first birthday together and I want it to be special.” She points out.

You snort, “What? Are we doubling my birthday as our monthsary or something?”

She shoves you with a brute force that has you snickering but she continues to pester you anyway.

“You’re so dumb. So smart, but so dumb,” She shakes her head, “You’re always studying or doing some form of work that requires the use of more than one brain cell. You deserve a break. Besides, you have two dudes to pick from on how you’d like to be wined and dined and—”

“Yena!” You whine.

“—it’ll be like an episode of the Bachelorette! But just with a super cool and smart best friend that’ll make the decision for you. It’s not your birthday. It’s ours.” She emphasises towards the end.

You stare at her for a long second, before the two of you are bursting into laughter at the absurdity of her statement.

It was nice, just to laugh about things without having your heart feel so heavy. Even if it was a mild distraction, it was still wholly pleasant to be able to just talk about mindless things that didn’t require much mental gymnastics to navigate the conversation with.

“What are the two of you laughing about?” Taehyung and Jimin arrive at impeccable timing, sliding into the booth with their own packaged food. It’s very college-student-esque, a cute paper (because no plastic) container filled with an array of assortments.

“None of your XY chromosomes business.” Yena retorts.

Jimin blinks, “You are literally so hostile.”

“Then don’t give me a reason to be.” She sticks her tongue out petulantly.

You laugh, nudging her with your shoulder, “Be nice.”

Taehyung rolls his eyes but manages to keep a civil smile on his face. Always the more rational one between the two.

“Anyway, Yena definitely isn’t going to answer me so, what’s up?” He turns to look at you.

You roll your eyes but it’s half-hearted, “She wants to celebrate my birthday like we’re on the Bachelorette.”

“Like you’re on the Bachelorette.” She corrects.

“Oh my God, our baby’s turning twenty-five!” Jimin coos at the reminder, pinching your cheeks as he coddles you. You scowl and weakly shove him away, even if you preen under the attention.

“I’m literally older than the both of you.” You huff.

Yena blinks, “There’s no way I’m the oldest person at this table.”

Taehyung furrows his brows, “Wait—how old are you?”

She sends him a scathing glare that has his arms raised up in defence.

“Jeez, okay. Don’t answer.”

“I’m going to answer because you told me not to.” She clips. “I’m twenty-seven.”

Jimin blinks, “No wonder you and Yoongi hyung are so alike.”

You almost miss it, but as Yena so eloquently pointed out, you were a sucker for psychoanalysing people (even if you didn’t want to admit it yet) that you notice the way she flushes ever so slightly as she scoffs.

“Him? How dare you compare me to that sorry excuse of a—!”

“Okay, everyone is beneath you. I’m sorry your highness.” Jimin rolls his eyes.

You make a note to ask her about it because you know for a fact that Yoongi ‘complains’ about Yena every hour he can. It’s almost as if he can’t go long enough without mentioning her.

You smile to yourself as you duck your head.

“Exactly,” She flips her hair over her shoulders before turning to face you. “Anyway, back to you—our baby.”

Taehyung nods, “Exactly, the baby.”

You scrunch your nose, “Don’t coddle me.”

He pats your head before cooing at you like he would to an actual baby, “But you’re just so cute. You’re too good for this shitty world. Too good for the likes of mere mortals like us.”

“Not me.” Yena blinks before gesturing to their bodies, “You.”

Jimin sticks his tongue out in retaliation as you sigh at their never-ending bickering.

Somehow … it felt right. You think it most of the times but you don’t know any other way to describe how it feels to be back with your friends, laughing, bickering and just appreciating their presence.

When you and Jungkook had your issues, it was like you made the conscious choice to avoid everyone and anyone as much as you could, and any interaction you had during that period was purely out of coincidences and not the intention. You remember actively avoiding Jimin and Taehyung because it felt too draining to pretend like you didn’t have a battle in your head. Even studying or spending time with Namjoon made you feel guilty, the thought of Jungkook lingering in your mind. Yena was there through it all, but even then you saw her as much as you did with any of your classmates you so happened to share a class with.

In fact, if it weren’t for Yena you’d probably have zero social interactions as a whole because she just knew. She somehow picked up on your internal conflicts but never outwardly shamed you or confronted you about it. All she did was be there for you, offering you her presence and you were grateful.

So, yeah. Things were better, but your heart was still at its core—confused. Your feelings for Jungkook didn’t disappear overnight and you knew that you were the one that asked for space.

You forgave him … you did, honestly. But there are things you can’t forget, and those are the things that you wished you could. The words he said in principle, was outright shitty. But the fact that it came from him only poked at every single one of your insecurities that you developed over the years.

You knew it wasn’t healthy to compare yourself to other women when they were living vastly different lives than you were, but it’s proven difficult when you’re forced to see these type of women every day, at college, in your community work or on the media.

Believing Jungkook’s apparent feelings for you was harder because, well. Jungkook was Jungkook. He wasn’t just another guy, and despite his shortcomings, he had more merits than he’d let on and you knew that people saw that. It was also the fact that Jungkook had a charm that drew all types of people in. He was soft-spoken but passionate, and people loved a quiet achiever.

You … knew about the women. Way before Jennie and way before the thing between the two of you happened. Jimin and Taehyung would always update you about the new fling or girl he had tied to his hip just as he was in his final year in high school. You had to force a smile every single time they’d snicker and joke about how your Jungkook suddenly became a man overnight.

And you noticed the trend with the women he liked. They were … captivating. Beautiful wasn’t even enough to describe them because they looked like they could carry the world on their shoulders and spark immense change with just the movement of their lips. They were confident and charismatic, outgoing and just the right amount of flirty. You were anything but.

It sucked, majorly, because you spent years agonising over the fact that you were already coined with the older sister title in the group because of the way you acted—just a little more uptight than the average woman your age. You were quiet but loud in the right company; you didn’t like crowds, socialising or mingling around with people you didn’t know and based on your observations it seemed like that was the only thing that Jungkook’s been doing ever since he made it to senior year in high school, and even in the first years of college.

You don’t resent him, you think. You couldn’t blame him because you weren’t honest either. You consented, to all of the kisses and touches even if he hadn’t officially had sex with you. You wanted to, but you were terrified. Not at the prospect of penetration but at the prospect of not being enough and the fact that Jungkook was the only person you wanted to have sex with while he had options that were far more attractive and experienced than you were.

That’s why you needed time because at least you could get your shit together even if it was an uphill battle.

“Earth to ____?” Taehyung waves a hand in front of your face with a concerned expression.

You blink, snapping out of your daze as you offer a meek smile and an apology.

“We just asked you if you wanted a small get together at Tae’s and I’s place for your birthday?” Jimin asks.

“Really?” You beam. That was exactly what you preferred.

“Yeah, we know you don’t like clubs and stuff. Just a small and intimate gathering with all your best buds.” He grins.

You nod your head, but Yena beats you to a response.

“By best buds you mean the three friends she has, which is us and the two meatheads duelling for her affection.” She snorts.

You flush, “Y-Yena!”

Taehyung snickers at your embarrassment.

“It doesn’t help that both of them are literally the biggest dudes on the football team. It’s literally like watching King Kong and Godzilla getting into a fight for world domination.”

Jimin throws his back in laughter as you fold your arms across your chest at post at the way your friends are practically crying in laughter at the image. Jimin was clutching onto Taehyung for his dear life because if he didn’t then he’d fall off the chair.

“Stop,” You whine, “you guys are being mean.”

“Oh my God, you’re literally the only person on this earth that would take two people fighting for your attention as an offence.” Taehyung groans.

“I-It’s not that!” You deny exasperatedly, “I-It’s just … awkward …”

Jimin sighs with a small smile, patting your head.

“If it’s any consolation I think it’s offensive that Jungkook thinks he even has the right to breathe in—”

“Jimin!”

“Wow. It really is like King Kong and Godzilla.” Jimin whistles lowly, eyeing the scene before him with amusement lingering in his eyes.

“Do you think they’re gonna start slamming their chests soon or …?” Taehyung trails off in a whisper, leaning into Jimin so that the two other men wouldn’t notice.

“I can literally hear you.” You say dryly.

Jimin offers you a plastic smile, “You’re meant to hear us, babe. How about you try to tame them like Jane did with Tarzan?”

Jimin nearly shrieks when you shove him so fiercely that he topples over into Taehyung’s grasp as the second part of the duo only catches him in the process.

You sigh, completely ignoring the way that Jimin’s muttering curses that were directed to you under his breath. Instead, you were transfixed on the scene before you—which specifically is Jungkook and Namjoon staring each other down through the mirror of the gym. You were lucky that it was just the five of you since Namjoon was able to use his captain privileges to book the gym because you had no idea how to explain the fact that two big-sized men were attempting to outdo each other in their circuit reps as if they were on a suicide mission.

“Listen, when I agreed to help you out with your sets I thought I was meant to help log it in for a report.” You exasperate, but the two men continue their manly lift-off as they huff and puff their exertion away.

“Trust me, you are helping. Being the motivation is more than—”

This time it’s Taehyung who faces your wrath as you thwack him upside the head.

From where Jungkook and Namjoon were, Jungkook can only deliver death stares into the direction of his captain who returns it tenfold. He wasn’t even sure why they were doing this but something a flicked definitely switched in Jungkook when Namjoon (purposefully) revealed that you were helping out with something. At the gym. Supposedly alone.

Jungkook’s primitive side came out because the next thing Namjoon knew was that Jungkook managed to drag himself, and Jimin and Taehyung as a diversion. He still feels his chest swell with pride when recalling the scowl on Namjoon’s face when he entered the gym, all fake smiles and a pep in his step.

“____, could you help me spot?” Namjoon breathes, sitting up from whatever the hell he was doing with the barbell. You weren’t fixated with gym language and you weren’t even sure why he was asking you when there was an entire Jimin and Taehyung right next to you.

“Uh, okay sure—“

“Noona,” Jungkook calls.

You freeze.

“Jungkook … I thought we established that you don’t need to call me that anymore.” You raise an eyebrow.

You miss the obvious glare that Namjoon shoots his bitchass friend, as well as the snorts that leave Jimin and Taehyung’s mouth.

“Pay attention to me,” Jungkook pouts. Like, actually pouts. You somehow flush because he seemed so much like the younger version of Jungkook who used to always coddle you for attention.

“Okay but after I help—”

“Yeah. After she helps me.” Namjoon interjects, and you nearly jump at the way he’s suddenly behind you, more so—pressed against your back with his hands on your hips as he moves you aside to get to another piece of equipment.

Your breath hitches because while you weren’t exactly invested in Namjoon in the romantic sense, he was undeniably attractive and … big. You could salivate in private.

“Oh my God, do you see that?” Taehyung hisses in a hushed whisper.

“Hyung is petty,” Jimin gawks.

“This is Namjoon we’re talking about. Didn’t he steal all the umbrellas from your dorm because you ratted him out to the librarian when he broke a bookshelf?” Taehyung recalls.

Jimin pauses to retract his mind to that moment.

“He’s so petty and I’m living for it. Look at Kook’s face,” He snickers, nudging Taehyung with his shoulder.

Jungkook only can clench his jaw in return because he knew that you wouldn’t be a fan of him reaching out to strangle the shit out of Namjoon. But the older boy seems fine, if not pleased with how Jungkook’s fuming in his own spot.

“Let me just …” You cock a thumb to Namjoon, before releasing a breath of your own and going to help him with whatever he needed in the first place.

“Jimin can help him. I have a more pressing problem.” He complains.

You stop in your tracks before turning around, raising an eyebrow at Jungkook who finally sits up, still staring at you like you held all the solutions in the world.

“Literally wait for your turn,” Namjoon scowls.

“My arm hurts,” Jungkook says, raising his arm to show you.

“I don’t … see anything?” You furrow your brows.

“Because my muscles hurt, Noona,” Jungkook emphasises with a flex of his bicep and you can feel yourself get hot in the way your eyes can’t stray away.

You’re momentarily distracted by the blatant display of muscle by Jungkook that you completely miss the way that Jimin and Taehyung are struggling to breathe because of how hard they’re stifling their laughter or the way that Namjoon is contemplating on throwing the nearest dumbbell into Jungkook’s direction.

You flush, “Okay, you know what? Wait here. Let me get the first aid kit.” You mumble, quickly scampering off to alleviate yourself from the situation.

The moment you leave the room, Namjoon takes two long strides until he reaches where Jungkook’s sat, before wrapping a hand around the arm that was supposedly hurt—and squeezes.

“Ow! What the fuck hyung?!” Jungkook shrieks.

“Don’t hyung me, you brat.” Namjoon seethes, “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Jungkook gapes, while Jimin and Taehyung watch in amusement.

“Me?! What’s wrong with you?” Jungkook retorts, equally as agitated, “Oh, _____, help spot me! Woe is me! Like she wouldn’t get crushed under you, you meathead!”

“Like you’re any better,” Namjoon snaps, “Oh, Noona, pay attention to me. My arm hurts. You might as well have asked her to change your fucking diapers at the rate you’re acting like a damn child.”

“You’re the one that started all of this!” Jungkook exasperates, “With all due respect hyung, I love you and you’re my captain but I really feel like smashing your head into the wall right now.”

“That’s it?” Namjoon scoffs, “Well I’ll do you one better and let you know that every time you breathe in my direction I feel like—”

“Oh my God will you two idiots shut the fuck up?” Taehyung interjects, snapping at the two boys who pause, staring up at him with wide eyes.

Even Jimin is surprised at Taehyung’s intervention, purely because he was the type that usually let shit slide or let other people put problematic individuals into place. He was the mediator, the diplomat—not usually the aggressor.

“Wha—”

“Another peep and I’m going to smother your body under the dumbbells and leave you here to rot and die.” Taehyung seethes, staring straight into Jungkook’s soul.

That shuts him up.

“Both of you are acting like goddamn children, and for what? To battle out your masculinity to see who gets ____’s attention first?” Taehyung exasperates.

Namjoon clears his throat, “We were just—”

“—acting like a bunch of barbarians who’s never seen civilisation?” Taehyung retorts dryly, “Yeah. Because that’s exactly what this looks like. The two of you are so petty and for what? You two are literally rubbing the last remaining brain cells you have with each other but nothing is coming out from it. Like—nothing. Do you think she’d give a shit which one of you can lift more reps? That means absolutely nothing! She’s already freaked the fuck out at the prospect of her childhood best friend being in love with her and now we have Big Tit Number One and Two battling it out like you’re in the Greek Olympics.”

Jungkook blinks, and Jimin is mildly impressed.

“So before she comes back and tends to Jungkook’s hurt muscle,” Taehyung sneers, eyes narrowing at a guilty-looking Jungkook, “Both of you better sort your shit out.”

Namjoon flushes, embarrassed at the prospect of being called out, all while Jungkook is avoiding eye contact at all costs.

“Oh my God, do you have a crush on each other or something? Apologise!” Taehyung gestures towards the two boys who awkwardly blink at each other, feeling much like reprimanded children.

It’s Namjoon who breaks the silence first, clearly the more mature one in the situation.

“Look … Jungkook,” He sighs, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to … drag it out like this. I don’t mean it maliciously and you’re my friend and teammate, so I’d really hate if a girl got in the way.”

Jungkook nibbles on his lips, eyebrows still scrunched; and the irrational part of him tells him to ignore the apology. But with the way that Taehyung is glaring him down, with Jimin’s expectant gaze, he knows that he doesn’t have much of a choice.

“I’m sorry … too,” he winces at his own voice, “But just to let you know … I really …” He shuts his eyes, feeling his chest tighten when he tries to force the words out, “She isn’t just … a girl to me, hyung. I really, really like her. And—I know you like her too but … I fucked up and I really want to make things right and seeing you—”

Jungkook is flushing while he rambles on, fully aware that the rest of his friends are listening intently to him speaking his heart. But a hand rests itself on his shoulder, and when Jungkook opens his eyes he sees Namjoon offering him a gentle smile.

“I know,” He says, “I know I said I wouldn’t back off …” He trails off and Jungkook recalls the conversation he had with him in the very same gym just a few weeks back, “But I don’t think I can compete with a decade long love story.”

Jungkook scoffs, though his ears are flushed.

“It’s really not—”

Namjoon waves him off, clasping a tight hand onto his back that tells him it’s okay, and whatever that was going on would get better. And Jungkook feels marginally better and allows himself to let out a sigh of release.

“So are the two of you gonna kiss or what?” Jimin asks in the midst of the silence.

Namjoon glares at the boy, “Don’t make me give you an extra ten laps.”

He backs down immediately, raising his hands up in defence. And at that moment, you return, all smiles and with a pant as you raise the first aid kit up.

“Your arm?” You smile sweetly, and Jungkook can only offer a weak on in return.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Depends. Will I have to run from the government if I answer you honestly?” Yena ponders out loud.

You roll your eyes but shake your head anyway. The two of you were meant to be cooking dinner but you’ve surrendered yourself to Netflix and Yena’s witty live commentary on horrible films you were scrolling through an hour earlier. Though, your head wasn’t quite in it, to begin with; your thoughts drifting to other aspects, ones that you thought too hard for and didn’t necessarily know the answer to.

It was frustrating, the way that you wanted to have a solution for everything but overthought every single case that happens to pass by your mind.

“No one’s hunting anyone down, your anarchist,” You say, “This is a little … personal.”

You didn’t have any girl friends prior to Yena, and that was your first mistake. You weren’t the person that actively avoided having girl friends because you thought they were dramatic or overly emotional but purely because you never knew how to befriend women. It was weird—being a woman yet being muddled with your own sense of femininity that suppressed your ability to form meaningful friendships with your women peers.

Throughout most of your childhood and teenaged life, you only had Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook. While they were more than enough to keep your memories cheerful and filled with laughter, there were more personal things that you couldn’t quite approach them with. They had each other to confide in their ‘manly’ discussions, small talk that you’d often flush at—but you couldn’t ask them the same things you wanted to.

You knew, that on a fundamental level that your personal things were just … things. It wasn’t that deep, nor did it require a PhD in Gender Studies to fully understand the nuance of periods or apparent ‘girl’ problems; you just needed to listen. But you were timid, and you got embarrassed super easily—so that never boded well whenever you’d want to approach them with a question of your own.

But now, you had Yena—debatably the most open and understanding person you’ve met in your life; and you owed it to yourself, and her—to be honest, to live yourself vicariously in your girl best friends eyes—and ask:

“How do you have sex?”

Granted, there was definitely a smoother way of peeling off the bandaid, but you supposed if you were going to be discussing this one way or another, you’d go big or go home.

“I’m sorry,” She coughs, “What?”

You blink.

“Sorry, I guess I should’ve asked if you were a virgin first …” You mumble.

Yena stares at you with a stupefied expression as she gapes at you.

“Hey, repeat after me: candy, tree and cat.” She grabs you by your shoulders.

“I’m not cerebrally compromised, Yena,” you say dryly.

“Repeat,” She glares.

You huff, shoving her hand off your shoulder.

“Candy, tree and cat. There, happy?” You huff.

She eyes you weirdly as you sigh.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes!” You exasperate, “So like … how? Do you just? Penetrate?”

Yena blinks one more time, her eyes trailing to the ceiling as she asks for a higher being to give her strength before she returns her gaze onto your figure.

“Babe, that is literally the unsexiest way to approach sex.”

“Penetration?” You furrow your brows.

She scrunches her brows, “No.” She gestures to you, “That.”

You scowl.

“I don’t know how to approach sex! That’s why I’m asking you. I literally don’t know who else to approach. If I went to Jimin or Taehyung I’m pretty sure they’d just stare at me and cry. Namjoon is out of the picture because he’d likely approach sex textbook style and I don’t need that level of detail right now. I definitely can’t ask Jungkook because he’s the guy I wanna have sex with. So yeah. I’m here because you’re a woman and the only person I can have a full conversation with without losing my will to live.”

Yena gawks at you, jaw slack as you finish your ramble; ears flushed.

“… you …” She begins, wracking her brain for the words that seem to fail her, “… okay. You know what, the fact that you’re here and putting your big girl pants on and asking me this is a feat in itself so I’m going to just ignore the fact that you said you wanted to have sex with Jungkook.”

You flush, “I was word vomiting—”

“Ah,” She holds her hands up, levelling you with a knowing glare, “If you want honest, you be honest too.”

You slump in your seat, sighing as you nod your head defeatedly.

“Firstly, I’m not a virgin. I could never be a virgin.” Yena declares, “Granted, I’ve slept with three people and two of them were women. But the idiot I lost my virginity to was, unfortunately, of XY chromosomes so … I guess I can answer your questions.”

“I mean … I know how sex works but … approaching it …” You mutter.

“And sex isn’t this groundbreaking act that requires Einstein’s IQ to partake in. It’s both intimate and not, and that’s definitely a personal preference. You can know the semantics of how people have sex, for hets in this case, which is just the classic ol’ penetration method where the penis enters the—”

“Your point?” You exasperate.

“—okay, I got a little carried away. But really, sex isn’t … difficult. It’s scary, I’ll give you that. But you don’t go into your first time thinking you’ll be great at it. Hell, you won’t even like sex that much your first few times unless your partner is a sex demon or something.”

“I mean when Jungkook …” You shudder, “When he … I … you know, did things … it felt …” You fiddle with your fingers. Your ears were undoubtedly on fire, and you were so embarrassed saying these things out loud because it was just so awkward!

“Good? You know I’m not going to judge you for it,” she says pointedly, “That’s what friends are for, right?”

You flush, covering your face with your hands in embarrassment. You knew that Yena would never judge you for something as trivial and as unimportant as your sexual endeavours, but this was still a road you’ve yet to properly navigate yourself.

“I … came,” you wince at your breathy voice, “It felt good. And … he’s experienced, you know? I just don’t want to …”

Yena looks at you inquisitively.

“You don’t want to …?”

You sigh deeply, considering your next words with a soft murmur, “I don’t want to not live up to his expectations, you know?”

She frowns at you, “Jungkook’s made some mistakes but you said it yourself. He’s in love with you,” she says softly, “There’s no pressure to have sex with him just because it’s out in the open now, you know?”

You nibble on your lips.

“It’s … more than just that,” you tell her, “I told him I needed time, and really, I do. But it isn’t because I’m confused. I mean, kind of—but really it’s because I don’t want to walk into something and disappoint him … I’m just … scared.”

Yena holds your hand in hers while offering you a gentle smile.

“It’s valid that you’re scared. But there really isn’t anything that can come out of being scared right now. The two of you worked through an obstacle, and here you are creating another one that doesn’t quite exist yet. Trust me, when the time feels right, it does. And you’ll feel ready. Will you still be scared? Maybe. But it’ll feel like it’s meant to fit within your timeline.”

You nibble on your lips, “Is it bad that I’m overthinking this?” You wince.

Yena shrugs her shoulders, “Like everything else in your life?” She teases.

You whine, shoving at her shoulder playfully where all Yena does is snicker in response. You weren’t quite sure what you were expecting out of the conversation, even if it was vaguely about the ins and outs of sexual exploration. And she was right, you’ll always be afraid of something, whether it’ll benefit you or harm you because that’s what change does. It shifts your comfort zone into a space that may be unfamiliar but necessary.

You lean into Yena’s shoulder, and a wave of overwhelming emotion washes upon you when you look at her. You really didn’t know how you survived a time without Yena in your life. And as if she’s noticed your glassy gaze, she raises an eyebrow at you.

“What are you looking at?”

You grin at her, all teeth and gums on display as you hug onto her arm like a koala.

“I’m just really happy you’re in my life.” You sigh wistfully.

She pauses for one whole second before she snorts.

“Wow, talk about sex once and suddenly you’re in love with me?” She wiggles her eyebrows at you, “Tell Jeon and Kim that you’re mine now.”

You giggle, rolling your eyes.

“They’re not even competing in the same league as you are,” you assure her.

She smiles.

“So … does that mean I don’t need to get you a birthday gift?”

That earns a thwack on her shoulder.

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fatiguing-thoughts · 4 years ago

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“Fighting and Making Up” -The Pack Preference

Request: For preferences you could do a two part of what y’all get into fights about and then make up.

I wasn’t sure how to do this exactly, but I wanted to keep it lighthearted! I hope you enjoy :)

Jacob:

It isn’t something that happens often, but when it does Jake has no issue telling you that you done messed up.

“Why didn’t you tell me there was a problem with your car?”

“Because you’re so busy, I know you’re tired from patrol and hanging out with me. I didn’t want to bother you.” I say looking down at my feet.

“Well, now it’s worse and needs more work. Don’t wait to tell me when something is wrong.” He shakes his head in disappointment.

It doesn’t get very intense, he just usually gives a mini lecture about how damaging it is to my car. Not yelling, but the disappointed, annoyed tone someone gives when they don’t wanna yell.

It’s usually making up by sitting in the garage, bonding over fixing whatever is wrong with the car. Keeping each other company, talking, and eating snacks.

Seth:

Seth is a loving boyfriend, caring way more than you thought was possible. He gets upset with you when you get sick but push it off. It causes some tension and frustration because he doesn’t like seeing you like that.

“Please, my mom is a nurse. Let her look at you.” He pleads.

“Seth, it’s just a cold! I’ll be okay.” I reason.

“You don’t know that, it could be anything.” He pouts.

Eventually, a few days pass and you end up being worse instead of better.

“Maybe if you had listened to me the other day you wouldn’t be this sick.” He says, making you your favorite soup.

A lot of times he’s just more upset that you won’t make it easier on yourself. It usually starts out with an argument like one above, but you guys make up as he takes care of you, refusing to leave your side. He makes sure you take your medicine, makes sure you get rest, and is always ready to bring you food and water. Oh, and a lot of cuddles, can’t forget the cuddles.

Leah:

Leah and you don’t fight often, but it’s often when you overwork yourself or spread yourself too thin.

“(Y/N), why did you say you can cover their shift? You’re already working a shift that day, call them back and tell them you can’t. Plus you agreed to help Seth with his math homework tomorrow morning. And you agreed to volunteer at the shelter. Plus you need to do your paper and study for your final, it’s your senior year of college.” She says, frustrated.

“Leah, you know I can’t say no. They need my help!” I defend.

“I know, but you can’t do it all! You need to take care of yourself, make sure that you’re helping yourself. You’re making yourself sick with how much you’re doing…” She grabs for my hand.

“I know, I know. I can’t help it, I hate saying no.” Tears brimming my eyes.

“I’m not trying to make you sad, you’re just spreading yourself too thin. I hate seeing you like this, you’re ready to explode at the drop of a hat.” She pulls me into a hug.

“I know, I don’t know how to fix it.” I let the tears fall.

“I’ll help you. We’ll get you through this, but next time-- don’t do this to yourself.” She smiles, kissing me on the forehead.

Afterwards she helps you get your stuff done, helping take the stress off your shoulders. Though, she reminds you constantly to stop taking so many things on at once. The night is usually filled with hot chocolate and cuddling by the fire, including long and loving kisses.

Paul:

It was no secret that Paul always had the hardest time out of everyone in controlling his temper. Though, after he imprinted on you it did improve vastly. The only issue with this is that now he was a ticking time bomb when it came to the subject of you. He was one of the most emotional and caring people you’ve ever met-- which is why he had such a hard time controlling his temper at times. It happens every once in a while where he gets too jealous/protective over you and goes off the deep end, just a bit. It usually goes something like this:

“Paul, stop being pissed off.” I sigh, walking in our front door from the party we just had to leave.

“No, did you see the way he looked at you? He hugged you for way too long. You don’t get the way he looked at you. If I wasn’t right there he would’ve absolutely tried something.” He huffs.

“Paul, he was my chemistry partner from a class three years ago. He was just saying hello. That’s the first and only time I’ve seen him since high school. He just hugged me hello, albeit very long but… you’re the only one I see.” I look deep into his eyes.

“You didn’t hear what he said before he came up to you! He told his friend that he used to wanna get you in bed, and then said he still would. I just hate seeing other people look at you like you’re an object.” He walks over, hugging me.

“Well, Paul you can’t fight everyone who checks me out or says something in poor taste.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I just lose it sometimes when it comes to you.” He sighs, closing his eyes.

“I know, I know it’s because you care. I love you, Paul.”

“I love you, too.” He kisses my forehead, pulling me into a tighter hug.

Lots of cuddling and snacks ensue, by the end of the night you guys always make up.

Embry:

Embry and you have been inseparable since you were kids. You guys dated before his phasing, and thankfully he imprinted on you. He was always overprotective, worried about everything you did from day one, and now that he’s phased and imprinted, he knows the real dangers out there and his feelings have only gotten more intense. It’s not always an argument per se, but it usually ends with him worried when you go out into the woods alone or just with one of your friends.

“Embry, she just wanted to go on a small hike. It wasn’t even at night.”

“(Y/N), it doesn’t matter if it’s day or night. You should’ve told me so I knew to make sure nothing happened to you, I can’t fathom what I would do if something happened to you.” He trails off.

“I understand, but I didn’t know we were going into the woods. She just asked me to go while we were at her house, it was just the woods behind her house. I didn’t know I was going to or I would’ve mentioned it.”

“Well, you went pretty deep for Quil to find you on patrol. I just need to make sure you’re safe, I can’t let anything happen to you.” His voice trails off.

“I didn’t realize how far we went until after. I’m sorry, Em. I can’t exactly say anything about vampires or the pack to her. I didn’t mean to upset you, it was just a nice day to take some pictures.” I look down at my feet.

“I understand, I’m sorry for getting so upset with you. Just try to send me, or all of us, a text. Just in case. I need to make sure you’re safe, always. I love you.” He kisses my forehead.

“I will, I’m sorry again. I love you, too.” I push myself further into his chest.

It doesn’t happen often, but if it does you guys make up and often lay in bed listening to your favorite music. A lot of cuddling, talking about how much you mean to each other, and back scratches.

Jared:

Jared doesn’t really argue, he’s a snarky guy but overall one of the sweetest people ever. The one thing that always gets under your skin though is whenever you guys have somewhere to be or something to do, he always needs “five more minutes” to wake up. This wouldn’t always be such a huge deal if it was actually five more minutes, but after ten of those you’re set back almost an hour.

“Jared. Get up, for real.” You throw a pillow at his sleeping body.

“Five more minutes.” He grumbles, clutching the pillow close to his body.

“You said that an hour ago! We’re going to be late.” You huff, getting onto the bed.

“Don’t do it.” He pleads.

“Too bad.” You say, jumping on the bed.

You then have to deal with grumpy Jared for the duration of him waking up and getting ready to go, but he makes up for it by apologizing and leaving kisses all over your face before you leave, only making you later. He gets you your favorite snacks on the way home.

“I won’t do it next time, babe.” He says as we walk out to the car to leave.

“Mhm, okay. You say that every time.” You laugh.

You buy him an alarm clock for Christmas. You buy another for his birthday. He keeps throwing them out.

Quil:

While with the pack you were always witty due to your comfort levels, you didn’t always behave that way. You were always meek and nervous with confrontation with others. It all started in high school where Quil would get upset that you would let people talk to or treat you a certain way, earning no backlash from yourself. Quil began to stick up for you, smart mouth and all. It has lasted all through the years, even when someone was rude at the grocery store.

“Quil, you don’t have to do that.”

“Yes I do. You don’t stick up for yourself, it’s horrible. You need to stop letting people talk to you like that. I can’t sit there and let you take it.” He argues.

“Okay, but did you have to tell him that he looks like his mom huffed gasoline when she was pregnant? What does that even mean? What if she did?” I ask, astonished after the incident.

“I did, I told him the truth. A lot of nerve for him to think he can say anything about you.” He scoffs.

“Quil… I just ignore them because it’s easier, it’s so much easier than to get so angry.”

“I get angry for you, it works. I love you, I can’t sit and let someone disrespect you.”

“I love you, too. Just chill out sometimes, okay?”

“We can agree to disagree, I can’t let someone disrespect my girlfriend. I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable.” He kisses my cheek before pulling me over to our bed.

After these kinds of situations, it usually ends with a lot of cuddling and watching funny movies to make us feel a little better.

Sam:

When you take too long to get ready and make a mess in the bathroom with all of your cosmetics he tends to get upset, especially when he has to get in there to get ready, too.

“Please at least let me pee, you’ve been getting ready for an hour.” “I’ll be out in a minute!” I yell back through the door.

“You said that ten minutes ago! What else could you possibly be doing?” He knocks again.

“You can’t rush beauty, Sam.” I open the door.

“You don’t need to spend an hour of your time to look beautiful, you look amazing when you wake up. But let me pee, now.” He runs into the bathroom, frustrated with how long he’s had to wait.

“Thank you, Sam.” I blush from outside the bathroom door.

Sam always respects the fact that you like to get dolled up sometimes before certain events, but cannot help but be frustrated at how long it takes you. It’s always a “just a minute!” from you, as you hog the bathroom counter. You make it up to him by not only cleaning the bathroom up immediately, but by giving him a sweet kiss. After you guys return, you cuddle and watch movies. You give him back rubs and spoil him with affection, promising to get ready quicker next time.

__________________________

Word Count: 2028

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megs-mostly-past-random-fandoms · 4 years ago

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Volterra

Based on this request: Hey Meg, dou you also write for the Volturi? Perhaps something about a human reader who stumbled inro their castle and wasn’t instantly killed? At first they let her live as amusement but somwhere along the line she befriended Jane and Marcus and developed feelings for Aro. But she doesn’t want to be turned to a Vampire. Living with your vampire friends as a human can be quite complicated. They make a fuss out of any minor injury, try to advocate for immortality and it’s really difficult not to let your crush know you like them when they can read your thoughts by touching your hand…Perhaps Jane and Marcus device a plan to get Aro and the reader together in order to make thhe reader change her mind of becoming one of them?

Here you go! *Familiar characters are NOT mine!*

Fandom: Twilight

Warnings: Fluff, Awkwardness.

Pairings/Characters: Aro Volturi x fem!reader, Jane Volturi, Marcus Volturi

Stumbling upon the castle in Volterra had been an accident. That castle being full of vampires had been unfortunate. Being kept alive because you amused said vampires had been sheer dumb luck. Slowly falling for most insane of the three leaders? Well that was as unexpected as two-by-four to the back of the head. And trying to keep those feelings a secret was damn near impossible when the object of your affection could read your mind with a simple touch.

When you had accidentally stumbled into Volterra castle and met the Volturi, you had been so scared. More scared than you had ever been in your life. But for some reason, they had found you amusing and decided to keep you. At first, you were treated like a form of their own personal entertainment but soon you were being treated as friend.

You formed quick friendships with Marcus and, to everyone's surprise, Jane. In fact, the only person who didn't seem to like you was the receptionist, but you thought she might have been a little jealous. All-in-all, you adjusted well to being in a castle surrounded by vampires.

There were of course issues with your situation. Because they couldn't let a human out in the world with their secret, you weren't really allowed to leave the castle. And heaven forbid you got hurt in any way, shape, or form. Every bump, bruise, and scrape had them all buzzing around you like worried mothers. It was pretty amusing, in all honesty. Then there was the time you caught a cold. Jane thought you were dying. Whenever anything like that happened, you had to hear about how they would all worry less if you would join them in immortality. You refused each time, but you had no idea that Jane and Marcus were plotting something to make you see things their way.

It never occurred to you that they had already set their plan in motion. You often found yourself alone with Aro. Whenever there was a chance, everyone else left the room whenever you entered it. It made you a flustered and awkward mess. Like really awkward. You didn't know how to interact with him. You had been very sure not to let Aro touch you, but you had a suspicion that he already knew how you felt about him. You weren't exactly subtle about it.

Whenever you were alone with Aro, you became a stuttering mess. Trying to keep your cool only made it worse. You were like the young, lovesick, teenagers on TV people liked to laugh at. It was horrible, but maybe it was just the effect Aro had on you. Either way, you hated how awkward the situation was. Aro didn't seem to mind though.

"Ah, Y/N! I was hoping to spend time with you today. Walk with me?" Aro offered his arm. You took it without hesitation. Was it smart? Probably not. He could kill you with a flick of his wrist if he wanted. But he hadn't show any signs that he was going to hurt you. At least not yet. Plus, Jane had conveniently left you wandering around part of the castle you weren't as familiar with. You didn't want to get lost so walking with Aro seemed like the best option.

As you walked, Aro made small talk. You smiled at the conversation as you let your gaze travel to the side of his face. This was one of the few times that Aro let his guard down and you wanted to commit it to memory. You hadn't realized that you had zoned out until Aro stopped, causing your hand to slip from his arm. As it did, your hand touched his. You inhaled sharply, but your hand wouldn't listen to your brain and move.

Aro froze so suddenly, you thought he'd turned into a statue. His eyes were unfocused as his head was overloaded with every thought you'd ever had, including the one you had been trying so hard to hide. After a moment, Aro blinked. He smiled at you. You couldn't speak. You were so embarrassed. You looked away from him, intent on running away.

"You could try, but you know I would catch you in a moment." You frowned and then remembered that your hands were still slightly touching. "I-I'm sorry. I didn't, that is, I wasn't-" Aro's light chuckle cut you off. "You have no need to apologize. I find myself in a similar situation." You blinked in surprise, making Aro laugh again.

"Why are you so surprised? You are, truly, the most beautiful and intriguing woman I have ever had the pleasure of knowing, immortal or human." You felt yourself flushing. Aro finally moved his hand so the two of you were no longer touching. He lifted the hand and offered it to you. "Shall we continue our walk?" For a moment, you looked between his hand and his face. Those milky red eyes regarded you with worry and perhaps a little amusement.

With only a second of hesitation, you let your hand slip into his. Aro practically preened under your touch. He brought it up to his mouth, pressing his cold lips against your heated skin. You couldn't help the smile that spread across your face. You were in a happy daze when Aro pulled away and began walking again.

"I'm glad this happened," you whispered. You knew he could hear you. Aro's lips upturned into a smile. "As am I, my dear. Although, we should inform Jane and Marcus. The two of them have been…enthusiastic in their attempts to get us alone together." You rolled your eyes. "Jane I get. She's been trying to find a way to get me to agree to immortality since I got here. Marcus? Not so much. I never pictured him as a busybody." Aro laughed and reminded you of Marcus' gift. "Perhaps he has seen a bond between us. He has been very cautious about allowing me to see his thoughts recently."

The thought both excited and worried you. Is what you were feeling for Aro because of some odd bond? Or were you in control? And if it was a result of a bond, what would happen if you and Aro were to lose those feelings for each other? Aro stopped walking again. "You fret too much, mi amore. If the bond is there, it can be broken by our own choices. And, unless it is the bond of a true mate, nothing would truly happen should we choose to pursue our current feelings for one another."

"What do you choose, Aro?" Aro didn't say anything for a moment. "I have waited a long time to meet someone like you. Someone that can make me feel something more. Even if you are not my true mate, I choose to try, if you will allow me? And maybe one day, you will choose an eternity with us here in Volterra. With me." You bit your lip and tried not to smile. Trust Aro to sound so awkward yet eloquent at the same time.

"Yes." That one word seemed to brighten Aro's entire being. "Finally," another voice broke into your little moment. You let out a little scream and jumped. You turned to face Jane with a glare. "Don't you have somewhere to be, Nosy Rosy?" Jane merely arched a blonde brow at the nickname. "My place is as Master Aro's guard today."

"So you heard…everything?" She smirked. "Yes. And I cannot wait to tell Master Marcus," she replied before speeding away. You moved to chase after her, but Aro held you back. "You realize, of course, that you would never catch her, do you not?" You turned your hard stare on Aro. "Yes. But it would make me feel better."

Aro laughed and shook his head fondly. "Perhaps I could be of assistance?" You beamed. "What did you have in mind?" In no time, Aro scooped you up bridal style and flashed away. Your peals of laughter bounced off the castle walls as the wind caused by Aro's speed wrang through your ears. You never knew Aro could be so playful, but you had to admit, you liked it. And, if this was a sign of things to come, you would have to give immortality and staying in Volterra some serious thought.

(a/n: I hope this is what you were looking for! ALL taglists are open!)

#twilight #aro volturi #aro volturi x reader #aro x reader

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ourloveisforthelovely · 4 years ago

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Loss (one shot)

Harry Potter Marauders Era-Post Hogwarts

Request: Will your write something angsty after Regulus dies?

Summary: Death is never easy...especially when it's the person that you love.

Pairings: Regulus Black x Reader

Rating: M- mature themes and character death. Angst. Soul crushing angst.

______

“Regulus is dead. I’m sorry to tell you this way.”

Walburga’s emotionless comment swirled through your mind as you lay in a crumpled heap. You had woken up from your drunken stupor. Looking around, you sighed finding yourself on the bathroom floor. It had been 3 awful months and it was as painful as the moment that you found out your lover was gone.

Gone…

The word itself made your body wretch. You barely made it to the toilet before throwing up what was left in your stomach. Between vomiting and sobbing, it was a miracle that your head hadn’t exploded. You wouldn’t have objected too much to death yourself.

Since Regulus died, under strange circumstances, you didn’t want to live. Life itself no longer had a meaning. You didn’t want to live without him. Being married for less than a month and already a widow was something that you never planned for!

“Y/n?”

You groaned hearing Lily’s voice. Groaning, you didn’t want to deal with your sister-in-law at the moment. You wanted James, Lily, Remus, Peter and Sirius to leave you alone. They were always in your business lately trying in some way to “cheer” you up. You rolled your eyes at the thought. There was no cheering you up. You only wanted to be left alone.

“I’m fine.”

You snapped. Lily took a breath.

“Honey, you sound dreadful. Why don’t you come out and let me make you some chicken soup? It will feel nice on your tummy.”

The mere thought of food made you want to vomit again. Even the promise of Lily’s amazing soup didn’t interest you. Food tasted like ash in your mouth. Nothing tasted good nor did it provide you anything that you needed. The only thing that you wanted was the bottle of fire whiskey that you had to hide in your room.

“I’m not hungry.”

You replied. Lily, on the other side of the door, felt her own heartbreak a little more. Since Regulus’ death, you had changed from a happy bubbly girl to a shadow of what you used to be. She understood though. 3 months ago, you were eagerly planning your wedding. Now you were drunk 95% of the time and in a deep state of depression that no one could fix.

Lily had been the designated one to “comfort” you. James, bless him for trying, made the mistake of saying “not eating will not bring Regulus back.” From that day forward, James was no longer allowed to attempt in comforting you.

“Sweetheart, you haven’t eaten in two days. This isn’t healthy.”

Lily replied, There was silence on the other side of the bathroom door for a few moments.

“Lily, please. Just leave me alone.”

You waited until Lily walked away before falling back to the cold bathroom floor. Closing your eyes, all you wanted was to fall into a deep dreamless sleep…

Lily, meanwhile, stepped back into the kitchen where Sirius, James, Remus, and Walburga sat. The older woman immediately looked up.

“Well?”

Lily sighed.

“She won’t come out.”

Walburga groaned and leaned back into her chair.

“We have to do something about her. The girl has taken up residence in the bathroom and won’t leave. I’m worried about her.”

Lily nodded. She focused her attention on Mrs. Black. Had someone told her a few months ago that she would be sitting in the Black family home, Lily would have called them mad. Walburga Black hated everyone.

When Regulus died, and you went to shit, Walburga broke down and called her eldest son for help. Had it been anyone but you, Sirius would have told his mother to figure it out on her own. You were different. You were as close to a sister as Sirius would ever get and he wouldn’t let you go through this alone.

James stood up.

“We need to do something. I don’t know what though. She won’t talk to us. When she does...it's just staring and us doing the talking. I love my sister but this isn’t healthy. Regulus wouldn’t want her being like...this.”

Walburga frowned up at him.

“Of course, he wouldn’t but you don’t need to be telling her that...especially the way you did. Potter, you can be such an idiot.”

James held his hands up.

“Hey, lady, you called us for help! I love my sister but we can’t go on like this forever. If we don’t do something about her, she may die...I can’t handle that thought.”

Sirius' hand stood up and pulled James into an awkward hug.

“We’ll figure it out, mate. Nothing is going to happen to Y/n.”

You had pulled yourself out of the bathroom and overheard the conversation. Quietly, you turned and walked back to what was Regulus’ room. Laying down in the bed, you sighed as the tears came over you again. His scent was fading from the soft sheets and it was crushing you. The little “reminders” of your lover were slowly fading.

“Mistress?”

You quickly sat up as Kreacher popped into the room. Kreacher was the one being that you would let within five feet of you.

“Hello, Kreacher.”

You said, wiping a tear away from your cheek as Kreacher held out a tissue.

“Poor mistress. It makes Kreacher sad to see you upset. Master Regulus wouldn’t…”

“I know. He wouldn’t want me like this.”

You finished the elf’s sentence. Kreacher nodded. He knew that with you, he had the freedom to speak as he wished. You wouldn’t punish him, Like Regulus, you were kind to him and Kreacher didn’t forget it.

“Kreacher didn’t mean to upset you.”

He replied. You shook your head. Of course, Regulus wouldn’t want you like this. He would probably be beyond upset if he knew how you were behaving. You weren’t some “Mary Sue” who went to shit when something happened to someone they loved. Y/n Potter was the strong one...or so everyone thought. When the soul-sucking depression kicked in, no one knew how to deal with you.

“You didn’t upset me. I know Regulus wouldn’t want me like this. I don’t want to be like this but I will never be happy again. Kreacher, I have a question.”

Kreacher nodded.

“Yes, mistress?”

You swallowed. This was a cruel question to ask the elf. He was suffering from the loss of Regulus as much as you were.

“Did Regulus know that he was going to die that night?”

Kreacher’s eyes widened. He had been keeping his promise to Regulus and now he would break it.

“Kreacher, if something happens to me...do not tell Y/n the truth. Don’t let her know anything because she will come after me. I do not want her harmed.”

“Mistress, Kreacher can’t answer that. Master Regulus...he made me promise.”

You bit your lip. The night Regulus died, there was something different in his eyes when he kissed you goodbye. At that time, you couldn’t put your mind to it. You assumed that he was moody over a task that the dark lord had given him. Working as a double agent was beginning to wear on him more than Regulus would admit. You could see it every time, he started brooding on a subject.

Thinking back on that night, you weren't sure how you missed it. Regulus held onto you for a long time before leaving. The last kiss was different. Now, looking back, you realized how “final” it felt.

“Everything will be fine. I’ll be back with you as soon as I can. I promise. If anything happens while I’m away...just run...get as far away from London as possible...don’t look back.”

You could still hear Regulus’ voice as he held your face close to his. Shaking the thoughts from your head, you turned back to Kreacher. The poor elf was beyond troubled by your order.

“Kreacher, I order you to tell me.”

“Master Regulus had a feeling. He ordered Kreacher to not tell you. He didn’t want you to…”

You jumped out of bed and started looking for your coat.

“Take me to where it happened, Kreacher.”

Kreacher’s mouth dropped as he quickly ran to you and wrapped his scaly little arms around your leg.

“Mistress, please don’t make Kreacher do this. You’ll be killed too. Kreacher and Mistress Walburga do not want to lose you too. Master Regulus wouldn’t want you to be harmed.”

You quickly tugged on your coat and attempted to fix your bed ravaged curls. The smart side of your brain said to stop. This was madness. If you went after Regulus, you would probably die too. The depressed side however said, oh well. You would get your wish. You could be with Regulus again.

Maybe it was a selfish thing to do...to go like this. It would hurt those you loved more than you would possibly realize. In your current state, however, you didn’t see it that way. You wanted the truth that no one would give you. If you died getting that truth...oh well. Your friends would be okay without you. They were strong.

“Take me to him, Kreacher.”

Kreacher started sobbing hysterically at this command.

“Please don’t make Kreacher do it. Kreacher already watched Master Regulus die…”

“Now, Kreacher.”

You said, emotionlessly. Kreacher looked up and hesitantly took your hand.

The next thing that you knew, you stood in a dark cave with nothing around you but water. Kreacher was holding your hand like a toddler would a parent that they didn’t want to let out of their sight.

“What is this place?”

You questioned. Kreacher looked up.

“The dark lord...Master Regulus found out one of his secrets. It was a locket...a locket that could change everything. Master Regulus made Kreacher take him back here after the dark lord made Kreacher drink a nasty potion. Mistress, Master died a hero...can’t that be enough?”

You shook your head.

“What actually happened here?”

Kreacher sighed. He knew that he was not getting through to you. There was a vacant empty expression in your normally kind eyes.

“Master Regulus had to drink a potion to switch the locket. The potion...it's horrible. Kreacher offered to drink it again but Master Regulus said no and drank it himself. He gave Kreacher the locket and ordered Kreacher to destroy it but that hasn’t happened.”

You took in the elf’s words with a frown.

“What happened to Regulus?”

Kreacher’s bloodshot eyes went to the lake where Regulus was dragged in.

“Master Regulus was drowned by the inferi. He went under the water and Kreacher was only able to watch. Mistress, we must go...it isn’t safe here.”

You patted Kreacher’s head ignoring the elf’s pleas before slowly walking down to the waterline.

“Don’t interfere.”

You ordered. Kreacher meanwhile, was jumping up and down in a panicked state as you looked down into the water. Your heart froze the moment that you saw Regulus lying right below the surface of the water. It took all that you had not to jump in after him.

“Reggie…”

You whispered his name, half expecting his grey eyes to open but they didn’t. Looking down at him, you were relieved that he didn’t look “dead.” He simply looked as if he had been asleep. His dark curls floated around his head just dying for you to reach out for him. Your eyes fluttered down to his full lips as your mouth suddenly ached for his kiss again. It would be so easy. Just one last touch...

“Mistress, please don’t. Master Regulus isn’t alive anymore...he’s…”

“Gone.”

You finished Kreacher’s sentence before slowly dipping your hand into the water. The moment that your fingers grazed over his left hand, Regulus’ eyes snapped open. His dreamy gaze had been replaced with that of a monster. Milk white orbs glared up at you as his right hand reached over and effortlessly tugged you into the water.

As you suddenly decided to fight back, you couldn’t breakaway. Regulus’ arms were around your waist tugging you deeper and deeper into the lake. Your lungs ached for air.

“Well, isn’t this nice? So this is death...this is what I wanted…”

Regulus’ arms tightened, if possible, around your waist. As everything began to become hazy, you reached out touching his cheek.

“Till death do us part…”

You thought before everything went black….

“Y/n?”

You heard your name being called...the voice...that voice.

“Wake up, Y/n.”

You felt your eyes move before slowly opening. Regulus sat in front of you with a worried frown on his face.

“Regulus!”

You were up and in his arms, knocking Regulus backward. His arms were around you as he broke into a smile.

“Hi, my love.”

Reaching out, you cupped his face. The dream was warm...warm and real.

“Am I dead? This is heaven?”

Regulus gently sat both of you upward. His smile fell and for a moment you worried that he was angry. He ran his hand down the length of your face. Regulus knew exactly what happened. He had seen all of it. What you didn’t realize was he was watching the whole time shrieking and begging you to listen to Kreacher. The moment you hit the water, he knew begging was doing him no favors. Regulus could only watch as you met the same grizzly fate as him.

Soon...

“Yes. I’ve been waiting for you...I kind of expected it to not be so soon.”

You couldn’t meet his gaze.

“I didn’t want to be without you.”

Regulus snuggled his forehead against yours. Your eyes shined up at him as you breathed his scent in. For the first time, you felt at peace.

“Now we don’t have to be away from each other...ever again.”

(Epilogue...years later…)

Harry stood in front of Horace Slughorn’s “shelf” looking at all of the photos of his favorite students. His eyes stopped on a familiar face. Harry had seen your photo numerous times of the years especially since Sirius had come into his life. Slughorn walked over and smiled instantly looking at the photo.

“Ah yes, you aunt Y/n. She was such a lovely girl. This photo was taken at her wedding to your uncle Regulus Black. There had never been a more beautiful bride. It's a shame things went the way that they did for Regulus and Y/n. Fate can be cruel and confusing. I know Y/n would have never been happy without Regulus. People said she was weak because she didn’t make it without him. I don’t think that she was though. Love is a wonderful thing but it can also be brutal.”

Harry could only nod and hope that you had gotten the peace that you were looking for. Maybe just maybe, he had his parents and his aunt looking down upon him proud with what they saw…

______

@amelie-black

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@shitfaceddaniel

#Regulus Black #Regulus Black x Reader #Sirius Black #Remus Lupin #James Potter #Lily Evans Potter #Walburga Black #Kreacher #timothee chalamet as regulus black #ben barnes as sirius black #andrew garfield as remus lupin #angst story #request fic #regulus arcturus black #sirius orion black #potter sister reader #the ancient and noble house of black #Loss #Loss one shot

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athenamikaelson · 4 years ago

Note

I like your writing a lot it’s all super creative and you write dean very well! I was hoping I could request a Dean x reader where after Sam went to hell you moved into the Same town as Lisa and dean. You continued to be close with him and it makes Lisa uncomfortable and basically she tells the reader she has to leave if she wants dean to move on from his past life.

Dean Winchester x Reader

Request-I like your writing a lot. It's all super creative and you write dean very well! I was hoping I could request a Dean x reader where after Sam went to hell you moved into the Same town as Lisa and dean. You continued to be close with him and it makes Lisa uncomfortable and basically she tells the reader she has to leave if she wants Dean to move on from his past life.

Warnings- Alcohol, Lisa being a b*tch, angst

Word Count- 1520

“SAM!!!!” Dean’s cries are heard over my own as I hold Bobby’s lifeless body to my own. Tears streaming down my face. I look up to see the ground close up and Sam gone along with the gaping hole. My eyes divert to Dean as he falls to his knees, a lifeless look on his face. Oh no.

2 months later…

“Ben no that’s not how you hold a wrench. Didn’t your father teach you this already?” I stopped talking as soon as I heard what I said. Ben looks up at me with a confused glare.

“I’ve never had a dad.” I quickly pat him on the back and walk off not trying to get yelled at by Lisa again by my so called, “sociopathic tendencies.” It’s not my fault I don’t understand children.

I quickly made my way over to Dean who was laying under his never family car that he bought after putting the Impala in storage.

“You and the kid become friends yet?” Dean’s gruff voice calls out under the small van. A fucking van. Never in a thousand years would I have ever thought I’d see the Dean Winchester drive a minivan with his own free will. But, Lisa wanted a van so they got a van.

“Nope. Doubt it’ll happen. Kids as bland as your cooking.” I take a beer from the cooler next to the toolbox. Dean slides out from under the van and gives me a disapproving look. He stands and takes the beer away from my lips and takes it for himself.

“Hey! What the hell man. That was mine.” He rolls his eyes as he uses a rag to wipe his hands. Veins prominent as he stretches his fingers out. Oh how I’d love to-

“Kid you listening.” Dean knocks me out of my gross fantasizing.

“Stop calling me that. I’m only 3 years younger than you. The same as Lisa, and I don’t see you calling her that.”

“Calling me what?” And in comes the Devil. Oops. Sorry Sammy.

Lisa walks through the garage door and beams at Dean. The smile falters for a moment when she sees me. Dean wraps his arm around her waist bringing her in so he can place a kiss to his head. They stay like that. Wrapping each other in each other’s normality. I stand up not wanting to watch this for another moment longer.

“Well, um. I’m going to head home. Long day and whatever.” I start to walk off. Making it another foot before Dean calls out behind me.

“Y/n, you good?” He has a questioning look on his face. No Dean I’m not. The man I’m in love with his wrapping his entire essence around a she-demon.

“Ya. I’m fine. Bye Deany,” I look over to see Lisa glaring at me, Dean is obviously oblivious, “Lisa.”

Dean looks down at her, which makes her quickly plaster a fake smile on her lips and beam at me.

“Night Y/n. See you later!” Ya if I don’t send you down to be bunk buddies with Sammy first.

5 Hours later.

A rerun of The Golden Girls as I sip my beer, sleep not finding me tonight so I decide that alcohol will fix said problem. My head full of thoughts from the horrid day when Sammy left us. Dean’s screams never leave my dreams. So here is to another night of Golden Girls.

When I just about to grab another beer a knock sounds at the door. Wondering why Dean would be coming this late I quickly make my way to the door. I obviously don’t expect any of my neighbors because well. Let’s just say I haven’t been as welcoming in the neighborhood as Dean. Much to his complaints.

“Dean what are you-” Oh her. Lisa smiles back at me. A devilish look in her eyes.

“Hello Y/n. Not Dean by the way. Can I come in?” Without getting an answer she brushes by me and walks in the living room.

“Ya. Make yourself at home Lisa.” I follow behind and she picks up an empty bottle of beer and gives me a disapproving look.

“Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Y/n. Drinking alone, how sad are you.” Oh God if she wasn’t Dean’s girlfriend I swear to God I’d-

“Well enough of the small talk. I need to address something to you.” Ugh. What now?

“Please Lisa. Make yourself comfortable. Or you know get out of my house?” Sarcasm dripped from my lips.

“Well Y/n you’d like that wouldn’t you? You’d like if I wasn’t ever around you or Dean anymore wouldn’t you?” She raises an eyebrow as mine go up in surprise. I go to the object before she stops me.

“Don’t act like it’s a lie. I know you love him. A blind man would be able to tell. And I’m not blind. I mean you really think Dean doesn’t know either? I mean what the hell Y/n. He calls you,” She smirks, “kid. And that’s all you’ll ever be to him. A sad little puppy that follows him everywhere. I mean you followed him to his girlfriend's house after his kid brother died. Do you not see how you’re suffocating him. God Damn, you're pathetic.” I freeze, my fists clenching behind my back. I step a foot forward in anger.

“You bitch!” Lise holds up a hand stopping me from getting in her face.

“Sweetheart think this out. Fighting Dean’s girlfriend. Come on, even you are smart enough to realize that would be a stupid idea.” I step back. She’s not wrong.

“Did you just come here to gloat about your relationship Lisa? Because if so you made your point and can let the door smack you on the way out.” Lisa steps forward.

“Y/n that’s not the reason I came. I’m really trying to be a good friend here and give you some much needed advice.” I laugh in her face.

“Oh ya? And what exactly would that be?” Her face dead pans.

“Get the hell out of this town.” My face scrunches at her threat.

“Are you threatening me? In my own house!” She holds up her hands. “No of course not Y/n. Don’t you see it? You’re holding Dean back. Everytime he sees you he thinks of his past life, hunting, Sam. That bad life. It’s holding him back from having what he truly wants. A family. And you’re just a bad reminder of his loss of his past one.” She pats me on my back and leans into my ear.

“If you truly love him, you’ll leave him and let him be happy.”

She tightens her grip for a moment before walking to the door and opens it, about to step out before turning over her shoulder.

“Goodbye Y/n.”

Loading my last bag into the cab of my truck I step back to place the keys of the house into the mailbox for the ease of the realtor. Taking one final look at the overgrown grass that I never cut, the vines wrapping around the white exterior of the house and my last name scrawled horribly into the mailbox I moved to get into my truck.

Good bye apple pie life. I hated every second of you.

Making my way towards Dean and Lisa’s house I passed all of our neighbors houses, all the neighbors I never made the time to interact with because of a moment like this. This life would never truly be mine so why lie to myself.

Pulling up on the side of the street across from Dean’s I get out of the truck and stop in front of the house to prepare myself for what lie I’m going to tell Dean on why I’m leaving. 1. Would be that I have a friend in Montana that needs help on a hunt or 2. I’ve loved him since the moment he laughed at my stupid joke about bikers 4 years ago and if I truly love him I have to let him go so he can be happy. Even if it is with She-Devil. Ok. So definitely going with choice 1.

I’m brought out of my thoughts by the sound of deep laughter. Dean.

I look to the dining room window to see Dean wrapping his arms around Lisa, his head thrown back and laughter spilling out from the half opened window. A smile wraps on his face before he wraps his lips around hers. Both pulling away after a second with such love in their eyes. Ben walks into the kitchen rubbing his eyes from sleep and looks at the 2 adults in confusion before Dean grabs him into a hug pulling Lisa along with him. They stand there laughing as if nothing matters in the world. Just them. Like a family. Oh.

Turning my back on him as I make my way to my truck. Tears prick the edges of my eyes as I pull away and make it to the end of the road without turning back.

“Good bye Dean.”

Taglist- @akshi8278

#sam and dean #sam winchester x reader #sam winchester #sam winchester imagine #dean winchester #supernatural reader insert #dean x reader #supernaturaledit #supernatural rp #supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #tvd fanfiction #Author #athenamikaelson

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fatesdeepdive · 4 years ago

Text

Entry 12: All Hail Takumi

Castle building time! I built a giant dragon statue that heals units during invasions, which is nice I guess, and also an arena so I can make my soldiers fight to the death and bet on whether they perish! Unfortunately, when I went to use the arena, the dumb clerk said I couldn’t use it yet. Meanie.

Support: Hinata/Oboro

C: Hinata’s hair is too long, so Oboro cuts it for him. He requests she make him look like Takumi, because apparently one dude with a pineapple haircut is too few. The duo reflect on their mutual admiration of Takumi, their desire for his coolness to rub off on them, and their rivalry over who is more loyal.

B: Hinata offers to cut Oboro’s hair and she rejects him, saying that he will mess it up because he’s Hinata. The two of them continue talking about how cool Takumi is and how much they want to be like him.

A: Hinata and Oboro discuss the fact that they only bicker because they respect each other. Also, Takumi is cool. All hail Takumi.

S: The two of them get engaged, talking about Takumi throughout their proposals.

Review: Holy crap you two, shut up about Takumi. He isn’t even cool. They have good chemistry, but all they talk about is how much they love Takumi.

Support: Azama/Hinoka

C: Azama makes fun of Hinoka’s hair, clothes, and clumsiness, despite the fact that she’s a goddamn member of the royal family and probably could have him executed on the spot. She threatens to stab him and he brings up the fact that he’s only her retainer because he saved her life once.

B: Hinoka is sad over the deaths of innocent soldiers and Azama gives no sympathy because people die every day. She questions why he saved her when she was a child and he says he did it because she looked furious and he thought saving her would be interesting. She points out that he’s a horrible person, but says she respects his confidence.

A: Hinoka begs Azama to save a dying man and Azama says it isn’t worth the effort. When pressed, he says the man will die anyway. Hinoka orders him to do his damn job and he begrudgingly tries to save the dying man. He dies anyway, and Azama tells Hinoka that she should have just let him die peacefully, telling her that her kindness will be her downfall.

S: Azama goes up to Hinoka and tells her that they’re engaged. Hinoka kinda just goes along with it after Azama lists his good qualities.

Review: I actually kinda liked this one, oddly enough. Azama’s dickishness went so far that it looped around and made him likeable. This conversation touches on the horrors of war in a way that most conversations don’t and I do enjoy Azama teaching Hinoka that there are limits to her kindness. I just wish that Azama’s lackadaisy attitude was a facade, a la Hawkeye Pierce. The two of them, like most couples in this game, have little chemistry. Still, Azama going up to a member of the royal family and declaring the two of them engaged is so audacious I respect it.

Support: Corrin/Mozu

C: Mozu is lugging around some heavy boxes full of vegetables, because she is a strong little girl. This leads to a conversation about Mozu’s village; Corrin asks if Mozu misses her old life, Mozu says not to worry, Corrin says she’ll probably never stop worrying about Mozu.

B: Mozu talks about hunting as a child. Apparently she fought bears, because Mozu is a god of death.

A: Corrin decides to give Mozu a basic education, which Corrin is in no way qualified to do, considering that she has consistently shown herself to be the dumbest person in our army. Corrin says some stuff about the army being Mozu’s new family and Mozu cries. It’s sweet.

S: Corrin says he used to pity Mozu, but now has nothing but respect for her for her courage. The two of them get married.

Review: Corrin’s interactions with Mozu are very sweet. The S-Rank, again, doesn’t really work, but then again few S-Rank’s do. Overall, a very charming support line, if a bit bland. Also Mozu killed a bear with her bare hands because she is a terrifying death god disguised as a little girl.

Support: Hinoka/Setsuna

C: Setsuna makes Setsuna a cup of tea so bad it’s almost poisonous. The two of them discuss the fact that they both suck at cooking and decide to team up to become better chefs.

B: Hinoka and Setsuna try to make eggs. It does not go well.

A: The girls finally make a good meal by working together and decide they can do anything if they put their minds to it. Setsuna gets stuck in the pantry.

Review: This was a fluff support line, which is okay, I guess. I would have liked it to have a bit more meat, perhaps an explanation of why she made the walking disaster that is Setsuna her retainer, but I will admit that it was a fun read.

Birthright Chapter 10: Ninja Village

The party travels through Mokushu, the ninja country from Kaze and Saizo’s support conversation. Kaze says that he isn’t worried about the people of Mokushu being conquered by Nohr because of their sick martial arts prowess. Zola sneaks up on the party because...wait, hold on, they didn’t tie him up? We weren’t shown him escaping, so I guess that means they just let him go after he tried to kill him. My god, Corrin gets dumber with each passing moment.

Zola surrenders and begs for amnesty. Corrin asks why they should trust him and he says that they really shouldn’t, cause of the whole attempted murder thing. But, he doesn’t have an army anymore, which means he isn’t a threat. He says that he can be of assistance and Corrin decides to bring him along, ignoring objections from the smart people in the party. To be fair, she does say Hinoka will kill him if he acts suspicious, but seriously just leave him in Mokushu he’s obviously going to betray you. Want to know how I know? Because he didn’t join our army.

Suddenly, someone throws a shuriken at Sakura. Kaze identifies it as belonging to a Mokushu ninja. Zola speculates that Mokushu might have an alliance with Nohr. The daimyo of Mokushu, Kotaro, shows up and says that Mokushu has an alliance with Nohr. Then the battle starts.

The map is filled with spike traps that activate as we step on them. We can use the Dragon Veins to spring them on the enemies instead. At the start of turn two, Takumi just kinda wanders into the battle and starts shooting Hinoka, which is weird because she isn’t one of the sisters he hates. Also he keeps muttering kill and is labeled an enemy, which is probably bad. He also whines about his inferiority complex, which is why he’s way lamer than Ryoma.

Azura sings to him and breaks his mind control. What can’t singing do?

During this map, I was reminded that Takumi is an unstoppable death god who can kill everything with ease. I paired him up with Corrin and waltzed through the woods, one-shotting ninjas left and right. I did hold them back and let Saizo kill the boss, though. Because, you know, he killed Saizo’s dad, something only told in an optional support conversation. Saizo actually has unique dialogue with him where he does the whole Inigo Montoya thing. Although, it was technically Hinoka who did the finishing blow, because Saizo doesn’t hit hard enough to kill.

Overall, this map was fine, I guess. The spikes were more a nuisance than a serious game changer. I did get good healer HP, though. Speaking of healers, there’s one stationed in the top right of the map who watched as I killed every other member of the army and slowly approached her before putting an arrow between her eyes. We’re the good guys!

After the battle, Hinoka and Sakura cry over how happy they are that Takumi isn’t evil anymore. He explains that he and Ryoma were separated after being attacked and that he ended up falling into the bottomless canyon. Then he woke up mind controlled and attacking us. I’m sure that’s not something we need to worry about.

At the end of the chapter, Takumi is finally nice to Azura because she saved him. Also Azura starts coughing, which means she is definitely going to die at the end of the game.

Kaze returns with Kagero, Ryoma’s ninja retainer who was imprisoned in Kotaro’s cellar. She tells us that Ryoma went to Cheve to fight Nohr. And didn’t look for his brother ever, I guess.

Overall, this chapter was okay. The stuff with Zola was dumb and could have been handled last chapter, and the fact that is completely sidelines Saizo is kinda frustrating, but Takumi got some cool character development and there was some foreshadowing about the bottomless canyon.

#fates #fire emblem fates #takumi fe #corrin fe #mozu fe #corrin x mozu #hinata x oboro #hinata fe #oboro fe #saizo fe #mokushu #hoshido #nohr #azura fe #fire emblem 14 #fe 14 #fire emblem birthright

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dammitadolfnomorecake · 4 years ago

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Once Bitten, Twice Stupid prt 147

147

Following Keith to his room, his boyfriend didn’t seem enthused about the bags he carried. Sitting on the bed, Lance rested a hand on his belly as he stared up at his boyfriend

“Uh, babe. You okay over there?”

Keith didn’t quite seem to know what to do. Nodding his head turned to shaking his head

“It’s stupid... I got caught up and you’re going to laugh”

Now he needed to know what his boyfriend bought, like yesterday

“I promise I’m only going to laugh if it’s laugh worthy”

“See! I don’t know what I was thinking... I’m so stupid”

Lance’s heart hurt for Keith. Keith wasn’t stupid

“Babe, no. Hey. I’m sure whatever it is, it’s not stupid”

“I just... it was an impulse buy and now I’m not sure...”

Reaching his hand out, Keith came over to him, Lance snaking his arm around his waist as the bags were set down on the bed

“I’m usually the one making impulse buys. You’re overthinking things, aren’t you?”

“A bit. You went outside... you’re supposed to let me know... did you even need us to go out?”

Sprung. Whoops

“Yes and no. I need things for dessert... Coran and Krolia are coming to dinner”

“Babe!”

Lance winced. He’d expected this reaction. He also knew Keith was trying to protect his emotional state by keeping away anything he thought would upset him... including Krolia

“I know. Look. She’s your mum. And it’s better we have dinner here than out in Garrison if we all end up fighting”

“You think that’s likely?”

Keith getting cranky and him crying were probably the most likely outcome

“No. But I did manage to distract you. I’m sure whatever’s in the bag isn’t stupid. You’re not stupid. You’re smart. Smart and very handsome”

Keith laughed as he leaned down to kiss Lance on the top of his head

“I get it. Even if I don’t have the brains I have the looks to fall back on”

“I’m pretty sure you’ve got both. Now, I need to know what’s in the bag before I explode”

“Not until you tell me what’s for dinner”

“Ropa Vieja. Don’t worry, it’s the cheats version. When we make it together, I’m going to teach you mami’s recipe”

Keith sighed at him

“You said we could do it together”

“I know. I guess I wanted to make sure it really was something you’d like to learn how to make”

“I told you I did”

“I know. You’re on dessert duty with me. I thought I’d make banoffee pie”

“Do I know what that is?”

“Probably not... sooooo, can I look now? I really want to look”

Keith kissed his hair again

“Fine... but don’t laugh at me”

Lance wasn’t laughing. He was crying and Keith had thought he’d done something horribly wrong as he tried to pull the onesie out of Lance’s hands. It was their first onesie. Black cursive letters across the soft white fabric reading “I get my good looks from my daddy”. It was perfect. And so tiny... Their kids would stuck in an infinite loop of “Go ask your father”, and it was perfect... and so small

“I’ve got the receipt if you want me to...”

“It’s perfect!”

It took a moment for the tension in the fabric to loosen

“You’re crying. I didn’t mean to upset you. I thought and then... I can return them...”

Lance shook his head, Keith still talking

“... we were shopping and I sent Shiro to go look at dog for for Kosmo... and I kind of just grabbed a few I thought you’d like. I mean I didn’t take Shiro shopping for them. Not with him when I want to do this with you, but I don’t know, I just kind of thought of you’d smile and now I’m making you cry. Have you had enough blood? Did you have your nap? Do you want me to go?”

Lance shook his head firmly as he lowered the onesie carefully into his lap. Wiping his tears he smiled up at Keith

“I love it”

“You’re crying”

God. His boyfriend was so self conscious. How could he not love the twins’ first gift from their daddy?

“Good tears, babe. It’s so small. I mean, our twins are so small... and they’re going to real humans. This is too cute... I really hope they get their looks from you”

“I think I’d like a couple of little Lance’s”

“No. Nooo. God, I hope they have your eyes...”

Keith frowned at him. Everyone who’d ever said anything negative about Keith’s eyes should be dick punched. Everyone who was mean to Keith should have been shoved in a blender

“My eyes...”

Were amazing. Keith didn’t fall into the genetic categories for purple eyes, and yet...

“Are perfect. Like you. Here I was trying to cook a nice meal with you mind and you bring home the best present I could ask for”

Perhaps feeling a tad more confident, his boyfriend changed topic from his eyes and what was for dinner

“Shiro said he’d help us baby proof the house. If we make a plan, they’ll help. He and Curtis will help”

Right. That reminded him. Forcing himself to move the onesie aside, Lance shuffled back on the bed, patting the spot between his legs for Keith to sit. Carefully his boyfriend did as he silently asked

“Babe?”

“You reminded me. I got distracted and never asked you if you’re really okay with Shiro and Curtis raising our children”

“You asked the other day”

Lance resisted rolling his eyes, instead he tucked Keith’s hair back behind his ear then looped his arms loosely around his boyfriend

“No. I had a breakdown the other day and was crying about it. These are you twins. I swore I’d make all decisions with you, then I went and made a pretty massive decision alone”

“Nothing’s going to happen to us...”

Lance remembered the days when he was the optimistic one and Keith was “Sir Emo Energy”

“I know. I want to have these things in place in case of the absolute very worst case scenario was to happen”

Keith turned, moving to rest his legs over Lance’s left leg

“I don’t want to think about the worst”

“I know. I don’t either. Coran doesn’t mean to scare us. He knows I do better with blunt honesty, even if I can’t cope with it right now. He’s always been honest with me when I asked. I asked him to dinner because I didn’t want to keep feeling awkward. If you don’t think Shiro and Curtis are acceptable, I can ask him to look after them. Or there’s Pidge and Hunk?”

Shiro was the best option. Keith adored his brother. Hunk would love their twins as if they were his own, but depending on how “the worst” happened, Shiro may be the safer option.

Sighing, Keith leaned into him

“I don’t want to think about it, but I suppose you right. Shiro’s going to help me with my will. All hunters have them. It... made me realise I don’t have much to offer as a father. I don’t have a car, I have my bike. I don’t own a house. I don’t have degree or anything... I don’t have much to teach them”

Lance hissed. Actually hissed. His ego not liking this at all. They’d chosen the best human they could have. He was proud of his boyfriend. Both of them were proud. Keith doubting himself was a slap to the ego seeing Keith was so wrong

“Excuse me!? Since when do you have nothing to offer?!”

Keith went to climb from Lance’s lap, Lance holding him so he couldn’t, angrily muttering

“I don’t”

Lance shooting straight back

“You do too!”

“What? What can I offer?”

“Love”

“That’s useless in the real world when you’re starving”

Rude. He had to set Keith straight about this

“Our kids aren’t going to starve. And you have a lot to offer. You’re smart. You’re brave. You’re funny. You’re great at photography. You’re not teaching them how to ride a motorbike, but you can teach them basic mechanics. I will castrate you if you put our kids on your bike. And you’re still learning. I can see you making pancakes with them. Macaroon one helping you with your bike. Macaroon two hanging off your shoulders as you tell them what you’re doing. Tucking them in. Teaching them to read. How to tie their shoe laces... You think you’ve got nothing to offer? The best thing you can offer them is the chance to know you”

Keith sighed again. Lance wanted to smack him upside the back of the head, but forced himself to listen to his boyfriend’s objection

“That’s all trivial stuff”

Trivial. Trivial was him murdering Keith for hating himself, then bringing him back to punch him in the dick. How could a man show so much love and think he had nothing

“It’s not. It’s important stuff”

“I don’t... I mean, anyone could teach them”

Must. Resist. Urge. To. Throttle... Taking a deep breath, Lance let it out slowly

“That’s true. Every kid goes through loving their teachers more than their parents. But, you’re going to remember all these memories. You’re going to read them stories at bed time. You’re going to show them that they’re so fucking loved. We both know how it feels when the people we love aren’t who we think they are. I was lucky to have Mami. But Papi, he struggled and I felt distant from him as I got older. We know how much that hurts. We’re going to make sure our kids know how much they’re loved and that they can do anything because their daddy Keith had got their backs”

Keith played with the edge of his shirt as he spoke

“You make me out to be some kind of super human. I don’t have my high school certificate”

Keith was a “super human”. He was super amazing and awesome, totally radical, amazeballs... like... the best person he could have by his side ever

“Babe, as a kid, would you have rather be raised by someone who was smart but distant, or someone who loved you and showed you it was okay to be you? You took a different path. There’s nothing wrong with that”

“I feel like... I should have more”

“And I feel like with your line of work it was hard to have more, but now you’ve settled down, you’re going to be a total hoarder. I’ll be transformed into a bat, lost under a sea of things, and you’ll have too much stuff to know what to do with because you’re finally living and not just alive. I love you. We’re going to build a warm and loving family together. I love the onesie. I love that you thought about it. I love that you love the twins. You’re going to be the best daddy you can be”

“Shiro said it sounded like I had cold feet”

And Lance hadn’t? He was pregnant. Him. He. He’d been born without this crazy arse ability. Him. He didn’t know how to grow babies. No clue. That hadn’t been part of his life plan. Falling in love hadn’t been part of his life plan either. Sometimes Keith forgot that Lance had literally waited 37 years to fall in love

“Literally talking to your boyfriend who’s carrying our kids. I think I know what it’s like to be freaking out”

“But you’re... you”

Lance chuckled. Keith was a special flower. Hugging him close, Lance nuzzled into his hair

“The me who’s been constantly crying because you’re finally back, and my heads been up and down, more than you sucking me off. I am terrified. I’m like a zillion other things, but I’m working hard to keep going. You know I’ve been worried. About having the twins. About making ends meet. About you not feeling trapped. About how I’m supposed to give birth now that they’re in there. About how unstable my mood was before I got my stupid arse stolen on Halloween. You know how I keep going? I look at you and think “Fuck. I want to be every bit as good as the man who loves me thinks I am”, because you make me want to be a better man”

He saw the moment and he took it. Keith missed the moment. His bottom lip trapped between his teeth as he tried not to let it wobble

“Now. I want to see what else you got for our babies, then I need blood and maybe a nap before we get started on that pie”

“Can I hug your belly?”

His belly was now a reserved parking spot for cuddle time. Lance had been feeling the twins moving more and more lately, he hoped that Keith would finally pick up on the small movements. His boyfriend adored them so much and he wanted Keith to be the first one to feel them move. The first time felt them move, he hadn’t been sure what it was. It’d started as bubbles, the feeling like bubbles in his belly

“Yeah, babe. Blood and snuggles. You are going to be an amazing dad. I believe in you”

Lance expected Keith to shine with praise, not to cry

“What if they don’t like me?”

“Oh, babe. I’m worried about a lot of things. Like what if I accidentally turn them? What if I accidentally turn you? What if I can’t be a good father? But I’m not at all worried about them liking you. You’re likeable. You’re very likeable. They’ll love you. I love you”

“Am... I really going to be good enough?”

“You’re already good enough. All that other stuff, we’ll work it out”

Keith nodded slowly

“I’m sorry. You’ve been so stressed and I’m dumping this on you”

“Idiot. Yeah, I’m a wreck, but I’m doing better... I mean, I think I am. You’ve been so strong for me. I feel... better. I feel safer. And that’s thanks to you. Now, for like the tenth time, can we please look at what you bought? I’m dying of curiosity”

“It’s not much...”

“Keith. Don’t you dare put yourself down again. Or I really will punch you in the dick”

He was trying his hardest. He hated his injections, but still took them. He hated how much blood he had to drink, but he still ate. He hated throwing up, but he still forced food down for the sake of their twins. What he really wanted to do was show Keith happiness. He’d even face crowds if it meant seeing him smile... Maybe today was the right day. Dinner was on, prep for dessert would take a little while but they’d have time... Today he’d take Keith to see where Mami rested, and tell her all about their twins first onesie from their father.

Lance had changed. Keith blushing over how happy his boyfriend seemed to be. Aside from buying two bat beanie babies because... well, Lance, he’d picked up half a dozen onesies he thought would make Lance smile... and he’d also picked up some pants for his boyfriend. Lance’s jeans didn’t do up anymore. His jeans fitted, but they wouldn’t for much longer. He was worried Lance wouldn’t like his choice in pants, but he felt like his boyfriend had to be tired of wearing the same sweat pants over and over. Keith hadn’t been sure Lance would appreciate his choices, all black. They’d been an impulse buy too. And a couple of shirts with this weird “in built bra” which made no sense when it was pretty much a strip of fabric with elastic on the edge. They were black too. His boyfriend looked great in black. It set off his skin tone and seemed to make his eyes all that more blue.

Standing in front of the mirror, Lance was checking his curves, his smile goofy as he fangs were showing. This was good right? Lance had been staring at his butt for a while now

“I’ve got the receipts...”

“My arse looks great”

Lance’s arse always looked great. He loved that arse

“I didn’t know if you’d like them, seeing they’re womens”

Lance waved his hand at him, still looking at his butt

“Babe. Clothes are clothes. Too many people worry about labelling things. I’m glad you didn’t get flowers. Do you know how sick I am of sweats? Or my jeans digging in? These are great”

“Really?”

“Truly. I’m lucky that you’re two sizes up from me, but pants that are mine... sooooo good”

“There were other colours... I didn’t want to make you feel you had to change clothes... it’s not weird?”

Lance walked over to him, sitting to straddle Keith’s lap. Keith looping his arms around Lance, really not sure if Lance loved the clothes or not. He didn’t live clothes shopping and he had to guess Lance’s size. He’d tried to match against his size then shrink it down, but then he worried that there wasn’t enough fabric to cover Lance’s bump

“Babe. Honestly. Overthinking things again”

“I don’t do clothes shopping”

“Which makes this even more special”

It did?

“You seem in a better mood”

“I’m giving you whiplash again, aren’t I?”

Yeah. He wasn’t used to happy tears. He didn’t know what to do with them

“A little”

Lance snorted at him. Resting his forehead against the top of Keith’s head, his boyfriend nuzzled into his hair

“I appreciate them. I appreciate you. I’m grateful. I love wearing your clothes, and honestly I haven’t been thinking that much about them. You took into account what I needed. What our babies need. I also decided I want to go out today, if we can find some time. I’ve got something I need to do”

Lance going out still left him unnerved and fearing the worst. Sendak was gone, but the threat wasn’t eliminated. All it took was the wrong person to see him and trouble could be on our doorstep again. It wasn’t like in Cuba where no one knew who Lance really was

“You do?”

“I do. It has to be today”

“Am I going to like where we’re going?”

“I think you’ll understand when we get there. I know you get nervous, but... I think I’m finally ready to do this and I need to do this with you”

Lance was confusing him. He shouldn’t need to go anywhere. Anything his boyfriend needed, he could bring back to the apartment

“Where... uh, I mean... Where do you want to go?”

“I want to go see Mami. Before we go back to Garrison. I want to go see her. I know she’s passed, but I want to tell her about the onesie... and that you’re back”

Oh. Keith wasn’t sure he believed in life after death, but Mami... He hadn’t thought much about visiting her grave. Not as much as he should have, for all the love she’d given him. Miriam’s resting place... He didn’t know where his dad’s grave was, or what to do. Adam didn’t have an actual grave. A place to go to remember him. He kind of felt once someone passed all that remained was the memories of them

“Are you... are you going to be okay if we go?”

“Yeah. I didn’t know how to bring it up. I know my behaviour has been pretty concerning, but today, I feel like maybe I can. You helped me make my mind up. I want to tell her that I’m not alone without you anymore”

That sounded like Lance was having a good day. He hoped Lance was having a good day. He wanted to see him happy and laughing. Keith also wanted to pay his respects to Mami, but seeing her grave would make her death all that more real. She was gone and the world had lost some of its warmth. He owed her so much

“We should get flowers...”

“Yeah. I’m not asking to believe she’s still around, but I think I’m ready to see her again”

That sounded a lot like Lance was ready for death. Keith squeezing his boyfriend close to him. Lance might be dead already, but he was still there. Keith didn’t want him leaving him too

“Babe, I’m in no rush to die”

“Did I say... I mean...”

“Yeah. But I’m not going anywhere. Not if I can help it”

Keith blushed in embarrassment, mumbling

“You don’t get to leave me too...”

Chuckling, Lance kissed his hair before leaning back. Keith raising his head to find Lance smiling

“I’m not going to. I’ve got too much to do and if I leave you alone, someone’s going to come along and sweep you away”

“Idiot. There’s nothing great about...”

“La-la-la! Not listening to you being negative!”

Keith groaned. He was only being honest. He didn’t know how to be a father. Then Lance went and believed in him so much his heart went silly. Still. At this stage Keith wasn’t sure that he didn’t actually have a heart condition seeing Lance seemed to make it beat strangely so often. When he was with Lance, it felt like after all he’d struggled, after the hours upon hours of training, and all shit they’d been through, all of came together to make him strong enough to be the man Lance needed. He’d been worrying himself stupid over how to support Lance, questioning everything over and over, but this whole time, all his boyfriend had needed was someone to hold him. He really was the clumsiest, dorkiest, cutest vampire ever.

Kissing his forehead, Lance was all fangs as he smiled brightly

“We should get up. The other two are going to be thinking we’re up to all sorts of lewd things in here”

“I mean, we can...”

Lance snorted at him

“I want to show my arse off. These pants make it look great”

Keith pouted. Lance’s arse was his to treasure, and his alone

“Then maybe I shouldn’t be letting you out the apartment in them?”

Leaning down, his boyfriend whispered

“If you let me out the apartment, I promise you can you pull them down with your teeth later”

That. Yeah. No... yeah. Fuck. He could get behind that. Lance giggled at him, he’d been caught dirty thoughted. Giggling and trying to sober himself at the same time, Lance wound up giggling between words

“Okay. But seriously. Thank you for this. Thank you for coming home. Thank you for... for noticing I’ve been trying. I really have been”

“I know you have, babe. I know. Now, you’re going to let me help with dessert”

“Mmm. I think Curtis earned a break. He didn’t break anything, so that was nice”

“The toaster survived?”

Lance laughed as he nodded

“Yeah. I wasn’t game to let him touch the slow cooker though. It’s all new and shiny”

“I’m not sure I know what a slow cooker is”

“Oh, babe. I have so much to teach you”

#once bitten twice stupid #oncebittentwicestupid #ashratherose

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kinetic-elaboration · 3 years ago

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June 2: 2x21 Patterns of Force

Took a nap after work today!! Perhaps a bad idea.

Anyway, some thoughts on the... awkward Patterns of Force.

Another story about Jim looking for his hero, I see. That never (always) ends badly.

Definitely getting an image of little Spock (teenage Spock? young adult Spock? all little Spocks) reading about Earth history.

Oh no, an armed drone. That does not bode well. Why do Kirk’s heroes always betray him?

A subcutaneous transponder. That seems like a useful device to introduce into the narrative. (Slash remember for future purposes...)

Also it reminds of me “He’s a...a... a transponster!”

Spock in a hat. I guess the Ekosians and/or Zeons don’t have pointed ears, then.

“It’s our old enemy...fascism.”

Well this guy literally was not subtle in his references to Nazi Germany. (I’m referring in universe to what’s-his-face but this also applies to the episode writer.)

“The evidence is clear... someone did interfere.”

“You look quite well for a man who’s been utterly destroyed, Mr. Spock.” This man canNOT stop flirting for one second.

Lol, using Spock to distract the Nazi.

“It’s logical to pretend to be a Nazi? Okay, I’m convinced. You said the magic word.”

“Look! I captured him!” So proud.

Kirk’s face when Spock says he would make a convincing Nazi. Bb, you’re not doing the compliment thing right. (I’ll actually be quite honest... I find the humor in that moment but it also makes me uncomfortable given both these actors are Jewish.)

That said, Kirk is canonically better at blending into undercover scenarios than Spock is. He thinks better on his feet, creatively.

How do these people NOT recognize two whole-ass aliens.

...Maybe they do.

I do like when Kirk is being interrogated and still tries to be charming..

That Nazi really lost a lot of authority after being dressed down by his superior in front of the captives.

I like this Zeon.

“The flaw in the plan is this locked door.” Thanks Spock. It’s this subtle humor that I think people often miss in him. Like where you can’t tell if it’s intentional or not.

Kirk is so smart!!! He never gets credit for being this smart.

Hmm, taking out the transponders is such a weirdly intimate scene.

The Zeon wants to be included in this adventure so much but they’re obsessed with each other, like “What Zeon?”

“I’ll be your platform, Mr. Spock.”

This is such a weirdly humorous interlude for a story about Nazis. Kind of reminds me in a way of that conversation with the police man on City on the Edge of Forever. I mean that ep was much better but just like the sudden switch in tone.

Spock’s like “Oh, that was cool. Made a laser.”

I heard Kirk say, “You, over there,” as in directing Spock to stand over there, but the subtitles say “Beautiful. Over there.” As in, “we did a beautiful job getting out, now Spock, stand over there.” But combine them...?

Not gonna get a disguise for Spock huh? Just gonna let him be shirtless a little more for no apparent reason.

Poor Zeon. These aliens are inscrutable and not letting him in on anything.

“Alien pistols.”

“Who would win? the entire military force of this planet or two phaser-less space husbands?"

I probably shouldn’t laugh every time Kirk impersonates a Nazi but I do. "Don't mind me... completely believable Nazi here..."

The unsubtle of the Hebrew names. And of course.. .Zeon.

“We’ll be just as bad as the Nazis.” No, actually, you’re not and never will be that’s not how it works. BUT you definitely should help the aliens. Like, that phrase grates because it’s usually used to refer to, like, use of violence, use of “censorship” but here’s it more about turning away people who are different or minority and so then it does make sense but....the connotations.

Spock’s like, “May I... get away from this emotion? Has enough time passed for me to ask that?”

More Nazis! Following them everywhere!

Oh, psych. Not Nazis after all.

Spock’s like “Betraying your own father, you say? I have never thought about that.”

“The Fuhrer... is an alien?” Actual real line AND a correct summation of the situation.

This ep does not paint the Federation in a great light. Although to be fair... John Gill was breaking the rules so.

Documentary corps... I love it. Great disguise. Flash lights in people’s eyes, have an excuse to stay in a group, no on looks at you. Genius.

Spock is honestly so bright-eyed and bushy-tailed about EVERYTHING. He cannot be tamed. Again, really an aspect of him I miss in the reboots.

Kirk really is the captain of everyone in his vicinity.

“Think positively, Spock.”

Uhura is unflappable. “A Nazi Colonel’s uniform? Of course, Captain.”

Send him down naked if you have to!! Yes, please, send him down naked.

Spock giving McCoy detailed instructions on how to put on boots... Why was dialogue like this not in the reboots?

McCoy is so polite. Polite first, confused later. “Nice to meet you, Nazi--wait, Nazi???”

I love how McCoy immediately put on his drunk face and Spock was like, "An opportunity to insult McCoy?? Awesome.”

So I assumed the Chairman was either dumb or didn’t recognize them with their shirts on but apparently he was yet another mole, so. At least it’s not a plot hole.

“The speech has no discernible pattern or logic.” Hmmm, I wonder what it feels like to have a leader who speaks with no discernible pattern or logic?

Guys. Pals. Awful people. Did he really give orders, or did he just say random shit? People will flock to anything. I'll be honest, I actually think this is one of the subtler and better parts of this episode: how chilling it is to contemplate how people will rally around any non-speech that has the right tone and a few key words. This is garbage language. But it incites people to kill.

McCoy and his stimulants again.

Spock and his mind probing again.

Wow Spock really messed with his mind there. “He can answer questions but not otherwise speak?” What kind of crazy shit is that?

They are being so mean to Spock. “Malformed ears.” “Low forehead.” That’s not a low forehead, that’s bangs.

Nice triumivirate scene at the end. Feels good, feels organic. Kirk likes to hear his two BFFs bickering because it feels like all is right with the universe, and I agree. Nature is healing.

This episode has a very weird (and very hard to swallow imo) backstory. Like, who primarily associates the Nazis with efficiency? And even if you do, if you think there’s something to the way they put together the country so fast post-WWI, all of this “efficiency” is directly tied to hatred and violence. Like Isak said, the Ekosians have nothing to hold them together BUT hating Zeons. That's at the center of the design. It's not like Gill’s plan backfired it was just... a horrible plan?? It doesn’t even make sense to me that his “effective regime” was co-opted by one hateful person because what was at the center of the “Nazi” regime before the hatred of Zeons? What could it have been? There are no other alternatives provided. Also, even if it could have been somehow accomplished without the use of a scapegoat.. is fascism really an ideal? Like the story never reckoned with that concept at all, which I find disturbing.

Here’s the thing about Gill. He is a certain real type and I appreciate his inclusion up to a point. He’s the Naive, Hubristic Intellectual. He thinks because he’s studied something, academically, he knows more about it even than people who experienced it, and he can fix all of its problems. “I can do this, but better. I am so smart, I am so well-informed, I have no flaws.” I can even see this sort of person being someone a young Kirk would admire because there’s an optimism and idealism to this naivete. I don’t think Kirk is arrogant but he is very idealistic, and when he was a young man, still in the market for heroes, or at least idols or mentors? Yeah, someone with that kind of attitude toward life--that we can deeply understand and then improve upon history--would have appealed to him. It’s possible that Gill even was the “compassionate, gentle” person that Kirk thought, or that he had that side to him.

Where I think the episode erred is in absolving Gill of most of his guilt for this state of affairs. He does die and he does admit he was wrong, but his biggest sin is allegedly in introducing a regime that could be co-opted for evil rather than one that was inherently bad. He is literally drugged (tortured in a way), to emphasize just how non-culpable the narrative thinks he is. Also, while he does apologize for interfering at all, even this is fairly brief and not expanded upon in the rest of the narrative. The truth is he shouldn’t have interfered in general, because that’s not his place or his right, and he shouldn’t have interfered in this way specifically. Even if Malakon hadn’t risen and taken over, the ideal Gil was imposing was one of unthinking uniformity, lack of autonomy, worship of a leader over the rule law--these are not the values of the Federation, the show Star Trek, or me. But he’s used more as a device to explain why the show is so unsubtly Nazi, rather than a real villain or object lesson. Even though Gill is a much better object lesson than Malakon.

And what about Malakon? The ending presents him, literally and in so many words, as the “one evil man” responsible for all of this. I think we know both from studying history and, unfortunately, from our own times, that this is untrue because impossible. One evil person is just a lunatic ranting on the street corner. One evil leader became leader because others agreed and gave him power, or agreed in part, or made a deal with the devil, or disagreed but said nothing, or spoke but were overwhelmed. It’s a disservice to the subject matter to say that dictatorships or authoritarian regimes are that simple. I get that the episode is only 50 minutes and it needs to wrap up, and it’s simpler to say “Okay, killed the Villain, now we can go back to being Not Evil, all the Ekosians will be as happy as the Zeons because we never really wanted this.” But Hitler and his henchmen weren’t the only Nazis. Regular people--and in this context, regular Ekosians--weren’t Nazis too.

Overall, the episode was okay. Very awkward though. Very blunt. I think it would have been better off not using the Nazi symbology so literally. Like the idea that a human would come into a society and purposefully create something from our history is interesting (and “what if Earth but alien?” is certainly something TOS likes doing and finds various ways to do--like the gangsters in A Piece of the Action or Neo-Rome in Bread and Circuses or even literal Greek Gods in Who Mourns for Adonais?) but not worth it given which society was being emulated. It seemed to be too much an excuse to dig out the old WWII movie costumes (and put Jewish actors in Nazi regalia which... is very... distressing) and not so much an excuse for some kind of commentary along the lines of what I said above re: the hubris of historians, the hubris of time. That aspect leaves a bad taste. It had some good ideas but I think, again, it was hindered rather than helped by how literal it insisted (for some reason) on being. Compare it to A Private Little War, which was just about as obvious a Vietnam allegory as you can get, and yet still didn’t literally transport anyone to Vietnam, and this ep looks all the more clunky. I’m probably judging it more harshly than I have on previous viewings, but I really feel like... you can use sci fi to make a commentary on the rise of authoritarianism, but the delicacy of the subject matter requires you to be particularly thoughtful in the way you do it and the actual statements you’re making.

Anyway, the Enterprise Defeats Nazis is a good episode summary at least.

I think in my last attempt at a whole rewatch I stopped at around this point. I seem to have watched the next two episodes, according to Amazon, but I have a weird feeling I only watched one, the next one, By Any Other Name, and then stopped. I don’t remember either of them so we’ll see how that goes! Will they seem familiar or not?

#the year 2021 #2021: fandom thoughts #2021: star trek #star trek tos

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