#hopefully. maybe coping just a little bit rn

[shalomniscient]

mega sevchino lore overhaul inbound……. mostly backstory stuff tbh and some timeline alterations but call me bear grylls the way i’ll—

[konpeitonom]

I am shocked that no one has asked for a Daisuke nsfw alphabet version yet...I must change that... Can you make a Daisuke nsfw alphabet when you have the time, please? _(´ཀ`」 ∠)_

daisuke nsfw alphabet.

nsfw — lowercase intended ^_^

fem reader —

requests are open and heavily encouraged, i write for every mw character ^.^

notes; it took me a couple days to do this IM SORRY. it might be all over the place. complete writing slump rn but i now have dedicated times to write and such so hopefully i wont slack, haha..

and happy 102 of you all! did not think i’d reach this far so early.

nsfw under the cut! minors do not read

a — aftercare, (what they’re like after sex)

— he’s always hungry after sex so he’ll always make you/order you food, whether or not you want it or not, haha.. he’ll also set up the tub for you, or whatever. if you’re at his place he’ll set up his fancy jets.

b — body part (their favorite body part, and their partners)

— 100% a thigh kind of guy.. will ask you to suffocate him with them. non-sexually even, he just has a fixation on your thighs.

— for him? nothing in particular, i really can’t think on this. maybe his hands?

c — cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

— not inside, he’s too paranoid for that kind of thing (he’s still young after all!) even if you are on birth control.. i think on the bed or whatever surface you guys are on, because he’d feel just a tinsy bit bad if he cums on you. with your permission, on your thigh..

— i mentioned in my regular daisuke headcanons that he used to be a bit of a player. he doesn’t wanna make you feel used and stuff, so he tries his best to not come off as such..

d — dirty secret (a dirty secret of theirs)

— he cums really easily. he’s kinda embarrassed about it. came while making out, because he grinded a bit on your thigh. had to excuse himself to the bathroom. don’t laugh at him be nice about it haha.

e — experience (how experienced are they?)

— hes not too experienced sexually.. once or twice maybe? or a virgin too. i see him as 18-21 and i feel like most people don’t really lose theirs till then.. whatever it is, he doesn't really know what he’s doing.

f — favorite position (self explanatory)

— you riding him.. he thinks it’s just really hot- likes the sight of you on top of him. In bed, he’s not particularly dominant unless you’re much more submissive than him.

g — goofy (are they more serious in the moment?)

— he can get a bit overwhelmed emotionally i think, so he might make a joke or two or just be less serious overall to sort of cope with that.

— seeing sex as intimacy rather than just a way to get off is a sign of growing up for him which i think might scare him a little?

h — hair (how well groomed are they?)

— he doesn’t think about it! it’s never something he paid much mind too so unless you’re bothered by it then he doesn’t care all much.

i — intimacy (how are they during the moment, romantic wise?)

— i think he can be pretty romantic. like, praise or ‘i love yous’ during sex. but it’s not something he focuses on unless it’s a special day.

j — jack off (masturbation headcanon)

— i think he jerks off pretty often, however often a teenage boy/young adult usually does. usually to the thought of you, or porn (projects the two of you when watching..) or maybe to one of your clothing items you so happen to leave at his place. he’d wash it, promise.

k — kink (one of their kinks)

— semi-public stuff. his car or bathrooms even. he doesn’t actually wanna get caught or in trouble but he really, really likes the idea of it.

— marking!! thank you 🪖 for the inspiration. only in spots you’d allow him too. maybe not on the neck just for looks sake.. particularly enjoys your thighs and shoulders.

— watching you masturbate. you watching him masturbate. i won’t elaborate this is a throwaway thought.

— i think.. he’d like it if you degraded him? maybe a bit of a guilty pleasure, it’s just sexy. but there’s a thin line between that and being plain mean.

l — location (favorite places to do it)

— .. in the car, in some random parking lot. it’s like the perfect place for him. privacy, but not too much. and no worries about his parents or yours. and likes the look of fogged up windows, just a hint of what they’d done!

m — motivation (what turns them on)

— seeing you want it is the hottest thing to him. like you tugging at his sleeve, telling him you wanna go home early to go ‘do stuff’. just say the word and he’ll do it for you!

n — no (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

— nothing that hurts you, or hurts him. i mean, it’s sex, it’s supposed to feel good. he wouldn’t like being mean to you. you could be mean to him but he can’t imagine like, slapping you.

o — oral (preference in giving, receiving)

— prefers receiving! i mean he eats pussy, and likes doing so, but is in love with the way your eyes look as you go down on him.. your lips, the way it feels, he loves it. especially in the privacy of.. a bathroom stall.

p — pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual?)

— i think.. he thinks faster is better. and sometimes it is. not particularly rough but he tries, if that’s what you’re into.

q — quickie (their opinion on quickies, how often)

— he likes them! loves them, even. after that initial stage of awkwardness he’s totally up for sex everyday, even if it’s a little quickie.

r — risk (are they willing to experiment? do they take risks?)

— hes very open and excited to try new things, infact i think he does most of the suggesting. of course he considers your preferences into account before doing so. if you suggest something, 9 times out of 10 he’s willing.

s — stamina (self explanatory)

— i think he can go for a long while.. he has a lot of energy. he used to play baseball (canon) so i can only assume physically he’s very active.

t — toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on themselves or their partner?)

— yes, 100%. he prefers using toys on you, as a way to please you. double stimulation, or whatever. but he’s not opposed to using toys for himself either. he wouldn’t go out of his way to do so, but if you wanted it then for sure.

u — unfair (how much do they like to tease?)

— he’s not much of a tease. maybe if you were being kind of mean that day, he’d tease you a little. but he prefers it when you tease him, honestly, thinks it’s real cute.

v — volume (how loud are they? what sounds do they make?)

— he’s loud.. whines and groans. he can’t help it, really. he’s not just doing it for show. though, he tries to quiet down just a tinsy bit so the focus is on you. he likes it when his partners are loud.

w — wild card (a random headcanon)

— has wet dreams more often than not. it’s really funny, actually. i think if he dreams about you specifically within said wet dream he’d feel a bit of guilt, then eventually jerk off to whatever it was.

x — x-ray (what’s going on underneath?)

— i think he’s average in length but a bit thicker. please compliment his dick he’s really insecure abt it ngl. that’s really all i have to say, sorry!

y — yearning (how high is their sex drive?

— pretty high i’d say. or just a bit higher than average. but being the people pleaser that he is, he’d take note of yours and go based on that rather than him.

z — zzz.. (how quickly they fall asleep)

— he can if he wants too, but would rather get up and do something else. he doesn’t want to feel all sore and groggy when he wakes up so he’d take a shower at least.

[staybabblingbaby]

Felix Tinder AU (First Date Part) A2 D3

[Caution: These are not full fics, or even full parts of fics for some, these are part of my writing progress archive!]

Concept: You match with what you think is a Stray Kids fan account on Tinder. You get along great with the account's owner, and think it's probably your most successful match to-date. Little do you know who's actually behind the screen...

Word Count: 1,580

Notes: So this will probably be the actual beginning. Maybe. Some version of it, anyways. idk, the formatting for this one is a bit... And I still have to figure out how to make fake Tinder stuff without photoshop. I do not own adobe products. This may actually end up being the first writing part in a hybrid SMAU, so it might not be the first part at all. We'll see. I didn't read this one back for any editing notes bc This entire fic is fighting me rn and I don't wanna look at it lol

Warnings: None as far as I'm aware

Leave me comments or questions or anything! Love hearing from folks <3

Masterlist | Next Part (Coming soon!)

You nervously tap on your steering wheel, anxious gaze glued to the side door you were parallel parked directly in front of. You felt sketchy as hell, but this was the manager-approved pick-up method apparently. Or at least leader-approved. You weren’t really clear on the details.

You were still sort of processing that this was your life, actually. Details were a bit secondary to the big picture here, you thought.

At last, the door creaks open and the blond head you’d been waiting for pops out. After a brief cautious sweep of his gaze, his eyes lock on your car. You roll the window down to offer him an awkward smile and a little wave.

Then, with a bright smile that made your heart do stupid little summersaults, Yongbok Felix Lee is sliding into your beat-up little jeep. You’re shamefully distracted by his (very) pretty face for a solid 10 seconds before you roll up the window and start moving to a proper parking spot.

You may be dazed by his presence, but by all things good in this world you were not carting off a (sort-of) stranger without talking to them first.

“Hi!” He’s the first to break the momentary silence, sunny grin on full, blinding, blast in your passenger seat. Your brain stalls a second time as your (again) realize that Stray Kids’ Felix is in your car. Like right now. Currently.

“Wazzup?” You greet back with a cheeky little smirk. You feel a bit bad for Felix. Making light of things was your one and only coping mechanism. You hoped he hadn’t been expecting a serious candle-lit dinner from you.

Well. Candles, maybe. Depends on how late the two of you ended up staying out.

Luckily Felix seems delighted by your overly-casual demeanor, bumping your arm with gentle playfulness. It almost feels like you’re two close friends meeting up after a long time instead of (sort-of) near-strangers.

You know that if he spends enough time with you the shell of confidence you’re currently wearing will become transparent, but hopefully the façade would carry you through tonight.

“We’re just moving so we can talk without being in the way before we head out.” You explain, pulling into a shaded parking spot in the corner of the lot. You’ve pulled hopefully far enough away to not attract attention from the doors, but also not far enough to be creepy.

Felix nods, tilting his head curiously at you. “Sure, what are we talking about?”

You put the car in park and laugh a bit at his cuteness. “Just expectations and whatnot,” You say, unbuckling so you can turn and face him properly.

“Before all that, though, are you a hugger?” You hold your arms open a bit, not enough to actually touch him, and making sure you’re not leaning forward, letting him take the reigns of contact.

You worry you may be being a bit too forward, but you were trying for normality with all of this, and you really did open most interactions with hugs when you could. You were touchy like that.

Fears once again unfounded, Felix grins widely and quickly reels you in for as tight a hug as the two of you can manage whilst still seated. He reels you in so quickly, if fact, that your arms become trapped between the two of you and you struggle for a moment to wiggle them free and wrap them firmly around his waist.

As you settle in, you rock the two of you to-and-fro, and Felix lets out a content little sigh that has you melting into the embrace.

You sort of feel like giggling madly and tearing up at the same time. You feel a bit like you need to vomit, as well, but you hold all three urges back. It’s just that Felix holds you so warmly and delicately, you feel a bit like you might shatter before the night even begins.

You reluctantly pull back before you cross the bounds of appropriateness for a first meeting, skootching around so you can bring your legs up into your seat in a weird pretzel and start the conversation properly.

You want to coo at Felix as he imitates you and gets himself comfy as well. You’re down bad for this man already, unfortunately. IT’s best that you don’t let on quite how badly if you can help it. You don’t know if you can.

“So!” You start with a clap, “First of all, allow me to welcome you to our humble city.” You do an awkward showman’s bow, gesturing as grandly as you’re able when you’ve crumpled yourself into the world’s cringiest ball.

You’re so damn lucky that Felix seems so charmed by you so far. You’re begging with everything you can that your innate silliness will guide you through tis interaction without you panicking too hard.

“I’ve been here for several days now, first of all,” Felix starts, eyes twinkling with amusement and mischief. You play right into his hands, squawking with offense and playfully swatting at him.

You both dissolve into giggles as he tries to catch your hands to keep them from hitting him, and you loudly begin to complain, “Oh well, I’m sorry someone was too busy playing two fabulous shows to come see little ol’ me before now!”

“Oh, come on now, you wouldn’t let me get you seats, you deserve this ribbing!” He retorts back, finally catching your hands and putting a stop to your flailing. He pauses then, and you can practically see the gears in his head turning.

“Wait.” He tugs you forward by your hands, staring you down with an expression of delighted disbelief. “Fabulous show? Were you there?”

You quickly turn your head to hide the mirthful smirk on your face, replying only with a drawn out “Maaaaaybe.”

Felix gasps loudly, letting go of your hands only to lightly slap your knee, “Why didn’t you tell me? I could have gotten you backstage or something!”

You wave your hands in front of you, both warding off Felix’s playful attacks nd waiving off his words.

“No, no!” You deny him, continuing on to confess, “I actually had the tickets before we even started talking, I got them right as they went on sale.” You pause and duck you head a bit to hide your blush, “Besides, our first real meeting should be our first date, right? That’s how this works.”

To your slight mortification, you can very easily tell that Felix is trying his hardest not to coo at you, so you quickly rush to move on before he can interrogate you further.

“But we’re getting off track!” You exclaim, pointing at him in gentle threat. He holds up his hands in surrender, but you can tell by the smirk on his face that he wouldn’t let it go that easily. Still, he lets you move the conversation forward for now.

“So, I’m a bit paranoid,” You suddenly confess. Felix’s brow creases with concern, but you continue before he can get any weird ideas into his head, “I just wanna make sure we’re on the same page before we actually go anywhere.”

Felix makes a noise of understanding and gestures for you to continue.

“So I just want to make sure we’re both expecting this to be a romantic date and not, like, a platonic one.” You explain. Felix tilts his head a bit in confusion but nods along.

“Yeah, we’re on the same page there.” He agrees. His gentle smile feels a bit like he’s humoring you, but you plough on regardless.

“And I know we’ve already talked about this, but I don’t put out on first dates. I’m not into hookups, so even if you’re leaving tomorrow I’m expecting this to be the first of many or the first and last date.”

Felix seems to be cottoning onto the intended severity of the conversation, despite its relatively light tone. He nods along, seeming pleased about something. You pause to let him interject, but he just gestures you to continue.

You hesitate a moment, but then finish with, “That’s all, really, I just want both of us to be happy with things at the end of tonight.”

Felix smiles so fondly at you that you think you’ll combust, so you quickly reach across him to open your glove box to pull out a couple of papers, to Felix’s utter bafflement.

“Moving on!” You exclaim, pretending that your ears aren’t burning with the force of your blush, “I also have these!”

You present to Felix a paper with an address and your vehicle details as well as a map with a certain area circled.

“Ok, so, keeping as much a secret as I can,” You begin to babble as Felix examines the papers with confusion painted over his delicate features.

“But I was thinking about what we could do that didn’t involve being in public much and wasn’t expensive or anything, and I came up with a plan. A friend of mine owns some forested land with some nice hiking trails, so I thought we’d start there, but it’s a bit rural and I know it’s weird, so I brought both the lot address and coordinates and my car details so you can tell your people exactly where you’ll be and if phone service dies or anything no one freaks out and-”

You cut yourself off, realizing that you’d probably said way more than you needed to

[silenthillmutual]

hi! i saw your post on ocd and it home bc for a few months now i've been asking myself if i have it. i definitely have intrusive thoughts, maybe compulsions, i think all closer to moral ocd? however i absolutely don't have the means and time to seek a diagnosis or therapy rn so i was wondering: do you have tips or like, little things that make dealing with intrusive thoughts a bit easier?

hiya!

that's totally understandable, sometimes it simply isn't possible to go through all that - i didn't start getting treated until i was in my late 20s, so i spent a lot of time just trying to navigate life without therapy or meds.

recognizing i'm dealing with an intrusive thought and that it isn't a "regular" thought helps me still, because some of mine sneak up on me, or i'll think they're justified, or i'll think they're related to something else, like my mood disorder. even when i'm going through a period where i'm having a lot of intrusive thoughts, i can recognize that the thought itself is an outlier (and should not be counted). this makes dealing with it easier for me.

the actual factual real advice i get in therapy for dealing with intrusive thoughts is called radical acceptance, and with that comes acknowledging what you are experiencing, acknowledging your lack of control, and accepting it. it also means not fighting your intrusive thoughts, but sitting with them. allowing them to happen. and then moving on. tbh, it can be really difficult to do this, and really frightening when you first start out. it feels natural to flinch. but i think that even practicing it out on intrusive thoughts that don't feel as bad or as big to you can help.

something i did for a long while was writing down my intrusive thoughts on a slip of paper, and then shredding the paper as a way of getting the thought out and then letting go of it

ymmv on how workable this is, but keeping (reasonably!!!) busy can help. i tried to do way too much in college (do not take 8+ classes a semester that is wayyyyy overdoing it and you will burn yourself out) but it was also probably the most sociable i've ever been. which hopefully leads to more support when it's especially bad.

if there's anyone you feel safe enough to talk about it to, that can also really help. espeically if they a) have it themselves, or b) know about it/are willing to learn. it's good if there's someone irl, but even having someone online who can... help ground you, if that makes sense. my buddy elie will sometimes say "bro that is your ocd talking", and that can calm the righteous fury/crushing anxiety/whatever it is today by realizing that it is 1) not that serious and/or 2) incredibly unlikely to happen. (i find this works best w my moral ocd symptoms & my 'what-ifs')

my last big one was just Getting Silly With It. for a long while i was responding to my intrusive thoughts by treating them like a lucid dream and changing the situation to something completely absurd. sometimes i'd respond to it by thinking 'and thats my pitch for a horror novel!' at the end of the thought. then for a while i'd say 'okay gideon' bc giving it a name and a face made it easier to see it as like. a problem i could at least look at. i can't say these are necessarily the best coping skills, i've never really told my therapist abt these methods, but i still do them on reflex sometimes when i think 'i dont have time to sit here and deal with this thought'.

journaling in general also helps esp if you can identify stressors in your life that might be making it worse.

wishin you luck!

[kilbuba]

I just finished reading Fukigen na Mononokean.

I knew that it ended in 2021, and honestly I put it off way too long because I didn’t want it to end… but I finally finished reading it today. Gosh. I have so many things to say about this manga.

Despite the small popularity and community it has, this series radiates so much comfortness to its’ readers. At least it does for me. I grew up with the manga, I remember I was 15 when I first reading it (in 2016 the anime came out and I began to read the manga too) and I was 20 years old when it ended. Realizing I have outgrown my favorite characters such as Ashiya and Abeno was so bittersweet, I remember that I used to think they were so mature for their age (despite us being the same age at that time). Gradually I realized how child-like they were and I think Kiri Wazawa presented it so nicely too! I’m so grateful for these characters,

ありがとうワザワさん！ 😭

And that ending!!! I didn’t expect it at all whatsoever. It was an open to interpretation kind of ending, and I still don’t know how to feel. What’s interesting about this manga is that it’s actually super interesting plot-wise, I love that there were so many mysteries that we unfold together as the story goes, how there’s still so many questions left unanswered all because the story ended. Maybe it was for the best. I wished Wazawa would explore them a bit more but perhaps less is more.

Personally, I think this manga did a good job in presenting sensitive themes such as grieving, PTSD, depression, coping mechanism, and acceptance. The character development, world-building, and how the characters interacts with the world itself was so well written! It’s as if they have their own agency and consciousness, as if that we’re merely watching what went on in their world. Ugh I’m getting too emotional.

I’m going to talk about Ashiya and Abeno’s relationship in another thread

bc I just can’t rn ( ｉ _ ｉ ）In short, I love how they love each other. Regardless of whether they’re platonic or romantic, they’re quite literally soulmates. I love how Wazawa indirectly confirms that one simply cannot exists without the other. I love them so much. Oh and Fuzzy too!!! That’s their son right there. A little family full of love and warmth. <3.

That’s all I wanted to say I guess (T ^ T) hopefully more people will pick up this manga too! ♡

[satanfemme]

i dont usually talk to you directly about kink related things so this feels slightly tmi buuut re: your head halter tags, its interesting how things that are Not good for dogs/etc that are fine for you as a person who can comprehend the situation that are Incredibly appealing. like. scruffing😳<imagine thats the bonk version

omg I can see the appeal of scruffing 👀, that's so good actually. if I were a cat I would love to be scruffed ngl. get picked up -> lose motor function / get a little overstimulated / thoughts turn off maybe <3 gonna contemplate that as a catgirl & catboy appreciator thank u

also yeah I kinda love taking adversive training techniques and recontextualizing them thru kink. it probably sounds silly but I think part of it is definitely a way to cope/heal from the things I had to witness in the animal care industry [insert standard ''kink as a way of coping'' explanation here lol], but I also find the idea of being controlled like that just so fun and fulfilling. & also adversives (ie. my prong collar) just fit so well into my aesthetic and fashion sense anyway (ie. it is a known fact that prong collars go hard aesthetically).

this is 100% a tangent, but a small detail I enjoy when using adversive training tools in kink (and which may already be apparent in the way I talk about them) is specifically viewing it through the lens of myself being a dog who is consenting to these accessories being used on myself, rather than just saying "it's ok to use these on myself because I'm a human" (<- which is how I thought about it when I first started experimenting with this, but it pulls me out of the doggy headspace / gives me species dysphoria) and also rather than roleplaying the tool being used in a genuinely adversive/abusive manner (<- which no hate for people who do enjoy that roleplay, just for me in this context it's usually a turn-off when implemented irl). maybe even with that explanation it's still a bit corny to say I specifically enjoy the element of consent in pet play featuring adversive tools, but personally it's genuinely really affirming (for both my therian identity and my sexuality) to not only enjoy these things but to also Say I'm a doggy who enjoys these things because it's like enrichment to me :3

hopefully this post is an interesting read, I have sooo so so many thoughts on pet play and my specific relationship with it I could go on forever, thank u for giving me an excuse to talk about it. & never worry about being tmi with me, kink is one of my biggest interests rn LOL

[poupeesdecirque]

I'm procrastinating on writing this entry since late October.

Here is my 2024 Hobby Review & an outlook to the coming year.

Bear in mind I had this planned differently, some graphics are outdated and I am not in a mental state in which I truly see anything as accomplishment.

I just think I made the graphics and ... it would be time wasted not to use them. More about that later.

First lets start with the dolls, the majority here is about the dolls anyways.

I had quite a huge backlog from 2023 in regards of bodies and unfinished dolls. In late 2023 I had ordered a huge amount of bodies and had an army of rolling heads to reduce.

Maybe someone remembers this drawing I made. I can say a lot, almost all, got finished. Except one doll, but have an updated one on this:

As you can see I got them all finished, well, all that have all parts arrived. And even finished a whole bunch of new arrivals. We even habe a lq group photo of them all:

Looks a bit more impressive than drawings I guess. It didn't feel like that many dolls as a lot were heads already.

That leaves us with who will need work in 2025 or will (maybe) join:

WiP are currently Alma (needs his head), Johnny (needs his body) and Eishi who I am working on slowly.

Incoming are young past!Allen and Qifrey. And you know Lucia will join too, she didn't made it into the graphic and I bought another doll and head the last days I will announce later on.

Other than that I sadly have one 2023 doll that is still not ... here. And I have no idea if she will arrive in 2025. It's Janet. I have no idea how to feel about her anymore.

But ignoring her I hope Alma will get his head soon, for both my fatemoon orders it will take some more time.

I even went down with my redos regarding outfits, Road and Erwin finally got theirs. Which leaves only Alastor but I am saturated in sewing regards for now.

What brings us to cosplay:

I decided to add this as Cosplay got a big part of my free time by now and aside sewing I got into prop making and partially even wig styling, therefore it's worth a mention as well.

There we have costumes that premiered this year and a whole lot were completely newly made (Allen's blue Outfit, Crown Clown, the Clown, The Prisoner), some had little effort like Mana, Link, Junior and Pre-order Allen, doesn't change that ... I added a lot to my wardrobe here.

Same goes for props. I learned how to make armor parts, made a huge sword, made plushies, a bag and yeah... went on stage for contests twice.

I didn't win a thing and the one day left me in shambled but I tried.

For next year I have plans, which are the following:

Yes those three (4, as I worked on one that is on the following graphic before I wrote the post) will hopefully be worn next year.

Then we have these fresh plans. Qifrey is done.

But I added 2 non DGM Characters to my mental line up and another Allen that maybe will replace the Noah's Ark Crown Clown variant, I am not sure about this yet.

For the 3 people who read until this point thank you for doing so. I am mentally in a extremely shitty place and being isolated doesn't help much either, my art feels bland and more like a "filler" to beat time dead. I will start therapy in January and maybe will learn new methods to cope, but we will see.

October/November/December left me rather scarred and I don't feel like myself, I am trying to gain back control. But feeling worthless and not needed, not wanted, all the time doesn't help much.

So yeah, plans are there somehow, even with the mindset that I maybe will work on them but never wear/show some of the final results as I just hate almost everything I create rn or feel nothing about it.

Anyways hope your 2024 ended better.

[dandyshucks]

update on stuff (cw abuse i guess)

hi sorry for serious post but again things keep looking like they're going to get better and then they somehow get Worse instead.

tl;dr my brother will be moving in for a bit, and this disrupts the one space i have in the entire goddamn world where i can relax even a little bit, so I probably will not be around for. a while. unless i figure out how to cope enough to get out of survival mode so i can like... have fun.

brother will be moving in for an undetermined amount of time (hopefully just for a month, but it is hard to find places to rent in town so I feel like it may be longer than just one month). he'll be moving into my section of the basement, and I guess my stress is a little bit my fault because my parents have always told me I should be constantly ready for any siblings to move back home at any moment just in case, but unfortunately I kind of let my guard down on that one so this is hitting me badly.

as scary and unsafe as this hell house is, my section of the basement is literally the One place in the whole fucking world where i've been able to feel like I can just. rest. to some degree. because I do not have to be On and Masking and Hiding Myself from others (because nobody is around when i'm down here usually). so that "safe space" will be taken away from me (this sounds ungrateful and bratty, sorry, i do not know how to word it better and maybe i am being bratty and ungrateful idk) and i will ... have no space to just. let my guard down even a little bit. i can't even go for walks alone like I used to because of wildlife becoming a safety issue around our house.

anyways. sorry this is way more info than i need to give probably but i'm struggling to put any of this into words at all so... shrugs uncomfortably. i am going to step away from here for a bit bc i'm genuinely afraid I'm going to go into some kind of episode and I don't want to freak people out. also I literally cannot do anything Fun rn because i just feel so fucking scared and cut off from reality, so even though the stuff on this blog is literally a coping mechanism, i'm far below the mental ability to engage in that level of coping. the coping we're looking at rn is like... breathing and pacing and huddling and methodical cleaning for the sake of keeping myself from falling apart.

i want to end off with my usual "oh well! life goes on! just gotta keep trucking forward!" type of thing but to be entirely honest i just dont have it in me to do that rn. this also might sound really stupidly dramatic and I am sorry if it comes off that way - there is a lot of abuse and trauma that I do not talk about and will not talk about that is contributing to how this feels for me. i'll do my best to stay safe and all, and again I really do apologize for like. posting any of this. I think part of me wants to reach out somewhere for attention but also I do genuinely just want to sort of ... explain why I'll very likely be disappearing for a while. and as we know i am the rambling rambler and overexplainer :'''')))

[therhythmafterthesummer]

it's been a while rhythm!! how is everyhting??

i have yet to read some of your latest works, but life has been a little bit hard lately and i found myself missing our dearest pack 🥺 unfortunately i don't have time rn to re read my fav one shots, but this week it's being kind of a parenthesis and i can breathe a little 一some needed rest before i dive in university life again.

i've seen what other anons said about the girls gang (wereroomies, i mean) hanging out together and supporting each other. even with their hobbies, and i keep finding confort on pretty because i feel like i have so much in common with her. those asks helped me a lot because university is a lonely period, at least at the beginning and in my experience, so reading about how they enjoy their time together made me realise i have to appreciate those little moments i have with my friends (who aren't studying the same degree as me, unfortunately i don't see them as much as i would like to).

these months have made me more mature, but in a good way. i have been carrying a very heavy load for years and little by little i'm noticing how it weighs me less and less, so i'm very happy rn. i'm in that kind of mood when i want to spread that happiness with everyone (so if you're reading this, known that you're amazing and loved and you deserve so much more that you think you do ♡).

oh, i also remember one time you mentioned that one hobby that pretty has is crochet!! i started this summer haha i crochet when i'm stressed, with a nice playlist 一which reminds me of skz's comeback!! what are your fav songs?? (mine comflex and cover me 🤭).

what i wanted to ask (this is a very chaotic ask i'm sorry) is how did pack members cope with loneliness and stressful seasons in university?? especially when they felt like there was no one they could tell how they felt, if that was the case...

i know i don't interact a lot, but i missed talking to you. have a nice day/night rhythm!! ily (❤️‍🩹)

things are doing fine! i'm tired but soon i'll be on holidays so i'll be able to rest lots hopefully~

don't worry, baby. my works will be there for when you have time💜💜💜 no need to stress about that, you've got enough of that in your life.

makes me happy that you can find some comfort in the silly conversations we've got going on in this blog. i'm glad people are kind enough to send in their thoughts and we can just have some fun with them together!

good friends should really be appreciated, and it's always worth it to nurture and maintain friendships, even if it's in a sort of cactus way (as in, maybe you don't meet often, but you know you can rely on them when you need them, you know what i mean?). that's really especial, so i hope you get to enjoy it to its fullest!

yes! i like to think pretty does crochet as a hobby, she just seems like she would, for some reason??? so yes hahah. i want to include it on an actual instalment at some point. it's cool that you picked it up too, though! it's really fun imo. putting a nice playlist or some video essay on youtube while you crochet is a good way to de-stress mewhehe.

i think my fave songs from the album so far are megaverse and social path (kor ver). all of them are good, but those two have me in a chokehold for sure.

as for your question...... here's the thing. werewolves live in packs for a reason, right? so, their pack was probably the biggest support they had in moments like those. i suppose they would've tried to lean on their friends, or to try and step back for a moment to put things into perspective. engaging in activities outside of school was probably a good outlet as well (like going on wolf runs, or going for a walk), just things they could do to remind themselves that there was life outside uni, and that ultimately it wasn't a race, they were there to learn, so as long as they learnt a bit, they could take their time.

i feel like Chris particularly would've struggled a lot, considering he was living alone alone during his first and second year. i can see him making the extra effort to meet with changbin and jisung weekly (or every two weeks) to avoid lone wolf syndrome.

thank you for dropping by and leaving this message! i hope that weight you're carrying continues getting smaller and smaller💜

[mangoisms]

omg i’m in my first year at community college and i’m also a psychology major 🙈 i’m also taking sociology ITS SUCH A FUN CLASS i feel so enlightened after every class LMAO but i wanted to ask about your later psych classes, what’s the main thing you focus on? cause rn my intro to psych class is very anatomy focused right now and i’m not very good at that aspect of it 😟 i’ve been understanding everything else though so i just would maybe like some insight? on your experience as someone who’s actually committed to the major? if you don’t mind of course 😊

omg!!! fellow psych major 🤝🤝🤝 and also YES that’s exactly how i felt with my sociology classes they are just so fun and insightful!!! really makes you Think!!

and i don’t mind at all!! i am very much the same way, the brain scares me LMAO. that’s really interesting too, i took my intro class Several years ago but intro classes should really just be covering the history, the fields and notable figures… although there is a biology aspect in cognitive psych, which is an area that is Very Very biology/brain heavy, but unless that is a class you’re taking, it shouldn’t be too biology/anatomy heavy? very odd…

i can say, at least for me, as i got further in, it should really open up! there is a tiny bit of an inherent aspect of biology but it shouldn’t be anything super crazy and shouldn’t be, like, professors demanding you already know what regions of the brain do in your classes? like all the psych classes i had up until i graduated and even now, if biology is being brought in, they explain it again and unless it’s a cognitive/neuroscience/perception/motivation, it shouldn’t be dominated by biology.

even for like, a health psych class, it wasn’t so much about just biology as it was about the psychology of it and the motivations and thought processes and influences. that was actually one of my favorite classes i ever took! and there was some reviewing of biology but not a crazy amount. same with another class i took on stress and coping which was also super interesting and informative. incorporating psych helps a lot i think because that’s what you’re there for! and the professor is important too so ratemyprofessor is highly recommended i can’t lie HAHA

but yeah, it’s not something i constantly encounter unless by choice of class, because that stuff can be super tough. that’s how it was for me tho it might be different for you! and this is still your first year so you (hopefully!) have time to figure it out! maybe sociology will end up being more up your alley ^_^ either way, don’t feel pressured to settle immediately and if you can, explore a bit! i hope this was at least a little bit helpful and if you need any more help, i’d be happy to give it!! good luck with everything and hopefully your intro class eases into something a little easier/familiar!

[prisonhannibal]

no worries if this isn't something you want to talk about but do you have any tips for someone who's trying therapy for the first time?? i've definitely struggled w mental illness my whole life but grew up in a family that doesn't believe in psychology and i want to see a therapist but i don't really know how it works or what you even do in therapy LOL

sorry I took a while to get to this ask i’ve been working 💖 I don’t mind questions about mental health or treatment, i’ve been very open about it so it’s fine!

I’m probably not the best person to ask about starting therapy because I first got put in therapy at 12 lolll but I did that for about 4 months and then started again at 16 and I’m still getting therapy (not super rich, just norwegian so I don’t pay for it) so I am a bit of a therapy review blog if I do say so myself. i’ve done CBT, DBT, trauma-focused CBT, EMDR, MBT, hospitalizations, and regular talk therapy, so that the kinda tips and mindset I could talk about depends a LOT on what kind of problems you’re getting help for + the type of therapy you are doing. this is what I can think of rn tho that probably applies to a lot of stuff

if you can switch therapists, don’t be scared to do that if it’s not working out! i’ve had great therapists (one who genuinely changed my life, I can’t describe how grateful I am for her she was like a relative to me) and absolutely horrible therapists, one bad experience doesn’t mean therapy isn’t for u!! just keep trying! it’s important to set boundaries and let them know if there’s problems in the therapy relationship too

be honest with your therapist, even if it’s about issues you have with the therapist. communication is important!

remember that therapy is something you DO. you can go and sit there for an hour every week, but if you don’t do the work and actually use the skills you learn, it’s not gonna help. believe me I did that for years and I thought that it was hopeless and that therapy wasn’t doing anything, but the reason it wasn’t working is that I just let a therapist talk at me for an hour instead of doing the work myself. therapists can’t do it for you, only help you do it for yourself

some coping skills sound stupid, but really help, so give them a couple of chances

sometimes it gets worse before it gets better (especially with trauma stuff!!!) so don’t give up when it gets hard, but communicate with your therapist about what way it’s hard, so you can figure out if it’s helping or hurting

you don’t have to talk about everything immediately. be honest, but don’t rush or overwhelm yourself, you have time

diagnoses aren’t the most important thing, but they can really help get the right sort of treatment. if a diagnosis doesn’t fit, don’t be scared to say so. if they evaluate you again they’ll either a. realize you have something else and hopefully change the treatment plan if needed, or b. find out that the diagnosis is correct. it’s fine either way, it’s always good to figure things out. personally I was misdiagnosed with BPD, so the therapy I got for like 2 years wasn’t helpful for me because it focused on relationships etc and I don’t have ANY of the relationship+identity problems people with BPD have, so it was kind of a waste of time for me. I literally just had mood swings, impulsivity and self destructive behaviors because I’m bipolar, so when I got diagnosed and treated for it I immediately got better

you don’t have to prove that you’re “sick enough”

sometimes you go in thinking you’re getting help for one thing, but end up having other things that need to be addressed too, just be open

if something is hurting you, please set boundaries. therapists and the mental health system aren’t flawless, and if something is harmful to you you are allowed to speak up about it and not just uncritically go along with whatever they say

it may take a lot of time. look at me lol. just don’t rush through it! it worked out for me in the end ❤️

that’s all I can think of rn! I hope it was helpful in some way. remember to take care of yourself, maybe a little bit extra right now because you’re probably going through a lot since you’re considering going to therapy, and also since you’re going to deal with some stuff that might be difficult. just be extra nice, treat yourself. sometimes it’s nice to eat some chocolate or draw or paint my nails after therapy sessions just because it can be intense sometimes. I wish you all the best hope it can help you with the healing you want and need 💖💖💖💖

[couriersiccs]

okay TWO notes (i can’t type less wordy rn i’m so sorry) about Coping With ADHD (Or Anything, Really):

1) have a truly Vast Arsenal of Various Mechanisms, so that when one strategy stops working, you can just try another one that you either haven’t tried or has worked before in the past. Timers stop motivating you? your brain is getting used to them. instead, use Playlists/Songs/Albums/Podcast Episodes of the length of time you need. surprise, it stops working? Change genres and/or familiarity level with the sounds. and when that’s done? find an kitschy lil egg timer at your fave secondhand shop. so on and so forth, until maybe Timers works again and you’ve come full circle and hopefully managed yourself well in the meantime.

since my life revolves around dogs, i’ll use the metaphor of the kong toy, the rubber balls with a hollow middle to hide interest-sparking food in. your darling lab mix named Cooper may go bananas over his post-dinner peanut butter-stuffed kong toy, and then day after day lose interest until he no longer takes any interest in it.

that is, until you switch from using peanut butter to pumpkin puree. then to his fave kibble, to wet food, to steamed rice, to a chopped hard-boiled egg, to fresh strawberries and banana, to whatever else you know is good for them. and at some point, peanut butter will probably do it for him again, even after trying something else that works just once. never underestimate the power of Novelty to the adhd Attention Direction.

so when i see someone discussing some Focus app and they’re like “yeah i liked it but only worked for a little bit :\” that’s not a drawback, that’s a FEATURE. that’s just ONE thing that works. use it when it works! use other things when it doesn’t! try using it after taking a break to see if it works again!

because the other thing is

2) everything feels better when you’re working WITH your mind and not feeling combative about it. you’re not at war with yourself. i'm very prone to getting frustrated with myself. i used to constantly see myself as my own worst enemy. but these days, especially after a goddamn diagnosis, i can remember that i’m on the same team as myself, and that i’m just functioning how i’ve learned how to function.

whatever strategies you use to “deal with yourself,” know that these should’ve been allowed to develop when you were young, but they were probably denied to you as the “wrong” way of doing things. you’re not wrong, you just exist outside of the rigid, narrow boundaries that other people decided everyone needed to exist within, where they believe they exist. you are so entirely not the wrong one here.

since you didn’t foster healthy-to-you habits and responses back then, you’re doing it now, and it’s hard, but you’re doing it because you know it’s important. because you want to live by your values and goals and learning - by trial and error - how YOU build your Psychological Self-Management Skills (aka Arsenal of Tools) is more important than building them how anyone else says you should be building them. (including me.)

you have to care for yourself like you wish your child self was cared for. allow yourself what nobody wanted to allow you. make your strategies interesting to you again, even if all it takes is varying the stimulation or the sense you’re stimulating. adding a little Interest-Sparking Seasoning is like giving yourself a Spoons Coupon, giving the Effort a considerable cost-reduction by upping the Internal Motivation. External Sensory Input makes the impermanent concept of time tangible before of you with a kitchen timer shaped like a hen sitting on a nest, and when that stops being fun, a fuckin Pictionary hourglass or some shit go wild baby

[laughingmagi]

Since I don’t really have a personal blog rn, you’re just gonna have to put up with some of my nonsense.

Just to clarify, my sad feelings are a continuation of my overall disgust, terror, and hopelessness of living in America. More personally, I’ve been coping with the drama with the Marilyn Manson drama, which frankly I mean, I’ve been hearing shit like that for years, but it was all part in parcel when it comes to a long history of excusing damaged men and hiding behind “separate the art from the artist”. Maybe the latter worked with bad behaviour as a budding rock star when he was in his twenties or his insistence of using the n-word in his songs, but in the literary sense of the term, not the racial. Dumb shit that pseudo-intellectual (white) men tell you, and manage to spin it with aplomb given enough a charm. Being someone that used to hang on every word watching his interviews back in the day, I can tell you the man oozed charm despite his unconventional appearance. 

But I’m tired.

I’m so fucking tired. 

For as long as he’s been with me, admittedly an artist I’d return to again and again because it scratched that itch, my own celebration of the twisted darkness we hold in all of us, or wallowing in the victim hood of feeling ostracized from society, I’ve let go and it feels weird yet liberating somehow. Still, there’s that vague sense of less. Maybe it seems a little silly, but I’ve been that person for most my life. That wanker that can talk your ear about bands, songs, music genres, their cultural impact, and will excitedly share music with someone. To deliberately end my “relationship” with an artist, not merely losing interest, it’s almost like cutting off a limb.

Meh, yes, this is all so stupid and pathetic, innit? Over Marilyn Manson, for god’s sake. ANYWAY. I’m gonna doze back off for a bit and hopefully wake up in a better state for writing and socializing.

[true-sapphire-star]

Mod Update (7/14/20)

Hello again everyone. Here’s a bit of another update largely to show you i’m very much still alive.

So. That CV. It’s uh... getting pretty crazy here in the USA. I’m safe, and nobody has it in my immediate family. It’s likely that I’ll contract it eventually, but for the most part I should be relatively safe? Regarding that cough... I’ve largely found out what the chronic cough was that I had, and it just requires a couple lifestyle changes to resolve. Nothing super serious luckily, but it does flare up with stress. Speaking of stress, I’m stressed to the nines and my depression is kicking like an angry mule, but still somehow holding on. Hooray for semi-decent coping methods! Some amount of relief is on the horizon though, so I’m holding onto hope. Next week is my final for my hopefully last class that I will ever have to take at my college. I’m not doing the best in it, but I’ve kicked into overdrive and I’m basically pouring all of my energy into studying.

Everything in my life feels to be out of control rn, but tbh. Outside of the worldly matters that I literally have no control over? Most that’s in disorder is my mentality and my room. So, I’ll say I’m doing pretty alright all things considered.

Regarding the blog...

I... Uh

Not going to lie. I didn’t think the blog would hit 100 followers. Especially since I’ve been on hiatus. Honestly, I just checked for kicks and I really didn’t expect it. So, that’s certainly a pleasant surprise. To everyone who joined recently... Hi! Pleasure to meet you, I’m Safi Mod. Glad that you like my stuff, hopefully I’ll be back soon enough and able to contribute a bit more! Speaking of back soon enough, here’s a (extremely rough) timeline of when I might be back: July 24th is the day of my final for this summer course. After that, the most that I need to focus on is locating a new full time job as I will have graduated college at this point, and will no longer be capable of working for the school as a student. So... I can keep my current job till... about December, if I recall correctly. Once college is done, I’m going to take a week or two to myself (hopefully) to just chill and recover and get things under control again. From there, it’ll just be work and job applications until I land something.  Sometime during that week or two, as well as a little bit past it, I’m going to start looking into my muse again. I need to re-read some of the old rps to get my head on straight regarding them so I don’t make an awkward bend in the character’s personality in the middle of an RP. This... is a grey area, and I don’t know how long it will be until I’m comfortable with the muse again. In all.... I’m guessing probably a month after my final, to maybe two before I really pick up activity again. As I said, this is an extremely rough timeline, and in no way binding. So... It may be later, may be sooner, or right on the mark. Who knows. I’m going to try to make it sooner rather than later, but... Y’know. Life happens.

So.. Yeah. That’s my update. I’m gonna go back into the abyss of school/work now, so please stay safe and stay positive everyone!

[quinn-firethief]

Quinn Firethief

Hello everyone! It’s currently four am but I’ll do my best here. Quinn Firethief is one of my oldest wizards. I made him two years ago after I downloaded the game for the first time in like, years, to play with some friends. The graphics update had me shook, y’all. My friends and I loved roleplaying as our characters (both in-game via voice chat and in our texting apps cause we’re weebs) so Quinn is pretty fleshed out. The problem is is that I’m poor so I’m currently stuck right before Marleybone. Hopefully, I’ll be able to change that once I graduate. But for right now, I’ll give you guys the rundown of his character up until this point. Quinn Firethief is a Prince. His parents are the King and Queen of Dragonspyre. Yeah, big surprise, amirite? When I made his backstory, I made it without knowing the whole story of the world. Bad on my part, I know, but I’m really attached to the idea now. So, how that works is that while most of Dragonspyre is unhabitable, there is still a very small part that is. That's where the royal family and a lot of inhabitants that were too loyal to leave ran to. It’s a very small place, they have a very small military, it’s very much a former shell of the great glory it once was. Because of this though, Quinn is well known among their people because there’s probably, at least, a hundred or two left there. He cares very much about them, he’s a great public speaker, very charismatic, and he just really cares about people and really loves helping them in general. It's such a small place that it's really not that big of a deal that Quinn is a prince, a few people might be like “wow what's it like???” but a lot of questions don’t really apply to him because he did live a comfortable life, just not a lavished one thanks to their current situation. But his family does have very good background to their name. Firethieves were the royal family after all. There’s a big legend that they got their last name-Firethief of course-by stealing fire from the Dragons themselves so that they could harness the power and learn how to control it. Depending on whether or not you believe that, you could say a lot of people have Quinn’s ancestors from many many generations ago to thank for fire magic. Others might say that the downfall of the world is probably the family’s karma catching back up on them if that is true.

Before I go into the next part. I no longer talk to the friend that played the next character that I’m going to be talking about. We didn’t end on good terms. But their character is very vital to Quinn’s story. I can’t just write them out. So I’ve decided to just not put their name. Maybe I will later, maybe I’ll completely change it; we’ll just have to see.

Quinn had a best friend who was basically like a brother to him. He was always at the castle, and people even called him a Prince too. When they were of age to go to Ravenwood and start practicing magic (which, in my opinion, is probably eighteen, maybe as young as sixteen if you’re super good) they went together. Like I said, Quinn’s family has a long history in fire magic, being the royal family of Dragonspyre after all, so Quinn immediately dabbled in fire magic. His best friend went into myth. When they started questing, they ended up meeting a life wizard named Sarai (her last name escapes me rn I’ll get back to y’all on that) who was in the same year as them. (She was played by my girlfriend, if she ever makes a Tumblr for her I’ll definitely link it here) They needed a healer, she needed some harder hitters, so they all started questing together. They became the best of friends. They were well on their way to being able to take down Malistaire. The journey didn’t come without difficulties of course. Sarai got sick with the Krok Plague during one of the dungeons, and the boys had to rush through the last few to get the cure for her. Quinn’s best friend ended up dropping Myth because he was doing so horrible. He did, however, become very interested in Balance thanks to Kroktopia and found he did very well in that. While Sarai was sick Quinn realized that he had definitely fallen in love with the sweet and gentle Life wizard, and while he came very close to confessing his feelings, he didn’t.

Krok ended well. They were able to get the cure to Sarai in time and they finished it all out together, with Sarai cured of the plague and coherent. They all crashed in Sarai’s house afterward and chatted about how far they had come, and how they heard that Marleybone was needing help next.

Now, this is when my friends and I stopped playing. Summer of 2018 had drawn to a close and I was going into my Junior year. We all got very busy, my family ran into some bad financial problems so I obviously couldn’t unlock the Marleybone zones, and then by the end of my Junior year, I was no longer talking to the friend that played Quinn’s best friend. I’m in my Senior year and I’m feeling nostalgic, and like most Wizard101 players I’m getting sucked back into this game(help me). But this is where I take some liberty with the story. The three of them do end up going to Marleybone, but after a good few weeks, they end up running into Morganthe who, at this point, is just starting to plan on getting a little public about her villainess. Obviously, at this point, I’m messing with canon a little bit, but not that bad. She ended up casting a spell that took ahold of Quinn’s best friend's mind and completely turned him against Quinn and Sarai. They tried to free him from the spell but it became very clear very fast that it wasn’t possible. They ended up having to kill him. Quinn dealt the final blow with his bow and arrow (I got it from a pack, such a good drop sorry now isn’t the best time-) and the place they were fighting in exploded. Sarai and Quinn were knocked out and then dragged to safety by some other wizards that heard the explosion. While the friend’s body was never found, it was plainly obvious that he was dead. Quinn and his best friend, who was basically his brother, had known each other since they were kids. Like, I’m talking six years old. they had known Sarai for at least two years at this point since Krok and Wizard City had definitely (in my mind) taken some time to get through and fix. They were a very close, tightknit group. They were well known around Ravenwood and it was rare when you saw one of them walking around alone. So, as you can imagine, having to kill their own friend was very, very hard on them. Especially Quinn. He and Sarai can’t even be around each other anymore because it hurts too much, the wound is too raw. Quinn ends up telling Sarai that he needs some time alone, some time to think. So they stop talking, they stop hanging out, and they both just stop questing in general. It’s not the same without their friend’s lute playing to cheer them on.

Quinn gets very depressed and turns to alcohol. At this point, he’s twenty-one, so it is legal. A favorite of his is Fireball. If he’s not sleeping or studying or practicing, he’s drinking. He has nightmares (and rarely dreams, those tend to hurt more) of his friend constantly. He has to move out of the dorm because they always hung out there and it just hurts too much, there are too many memories. He can’t even visit Dragonspyre because of all of the memories they have there, he’d probably drop dead the moment he walked in because of how hard it’d hit him. So he moves into the Fire House (the classic burning tower with all that lava) and to try and cope, he makes a grave for his best friend even though they never found a body. Yep, you’re right, that’s exactly what my header is. Depressing, right? I had a leftover present from some winter event, so I decided to put that there to make it even sadder. This is currently where I’m picking up with Quinn, where he’s at his lowest and he’s pushing everyone away and he feels completely alone. It really resonates with me because of how I’ve been feeling lately (for like NO reason might I add). I’m super excited to write about it, it’s definitely going to be fun. I hope you guys enjoyed that! I’m sorry this was such a long read lmao this took me like twenty minutes to type up. Mainly because I had to keep fact-checking and I’m so tired. It’s now five am and I need to sleep. If you guys have any questions, don’t be afraid to ask. If you wanna be friends, shoot me a text! I need more Wizard101 buddies so badly right now. I might open one-shot requests if enough people show interest in Quinn and my writings enough, but we’ll just have to see :)

Have a good day everyone!

[localrobosexual]

hewwo my fwiends it's currently real Loving Seaside Hours™ again as spurred by talking to a blessed pal of mine earlier today about our comfort characters, so as I'm tryina ride out this thunderstorm going on outside so I can actually go to sleep I'm just gonna take a moment and gush about this robot and how and why he means so much to me, that alright w y'all lmao

putting a breaker on this bc I already know it's gonna get long and ramble-y lmao. Not gonna mind if u skip this over and don't bother reading it, I just wanna kinda shout into the void about my ocs a bit, don't mind me!

HEY SO YEE I JUST RLLY RLLY LOVE MY BIG DUMB ROBOT SO SO MUCH AAAAAA HE MEANS THE WORLD TO ME AND I COULD NEVER SELL OR TRADE HIM EVER AND I JUST WISH I HAD MORE DISPOSABLE INCOME TO USE TO JUST BUY MORE COMMISSIONS OF HIM BECAUSE GOD EVERY TIME I DRAW HIM AND EVERY TIME SOMEONE ELSE DOES TOO MY HEART JUST FUCKIN SWELLS W LOVE AND HAPPINESS!!!!! THIS ONE LITTLE TRANSFORMERS OC DOES THAT MUCH!!!!!!!! AND ITS GREAT!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAA

ok but. For real now, besides my initial screams that I had to get out hksjdks. Y'all wanna hear some insight into what all went into making him and why he means so much to me and all. Strap in bc it's gonna get Real

let's start with something pretty well known. Maybe not coming from me but a well known fact regardless lmao. Truth be told I wrote out from the paragraph below this one to the bottom without writing an introduction first and I'm too tired to try to come up with anything good now so uh. Hopefully this isn't too jarring hkshdksk my bad y'all my bad.

Anyways. Mental health! Fucked mental health! that's so much fun right!!

Haha yeah. Nah. We all know this. Being depressed is rlly wack y'all. It fuckin messes up ur head big time. I still don't know if I have downright depression, because I still haven't been properly diagnosed, and I never rlly associated my symptoms and the way I was feeling with depression bc it didn't line up with the stereotypical symptoms of depression, so I was (and still am) just calling it my "existential crisis". That was rlly the only word I could use to describe it. And it was dark and it was lonely and crushing and so, so awful. Despite the fact that I had an extremely loving and supportive friend group, I was always, ALWAYS afraid of speaking up about it. Despite them and all, I still felt super SUPER alone in the way I was feeling about life, my future, and my general purpose. This was all just reinforced by my parents and other adults in my life who I tried to come to in the past who would brush me off by saying I was overreacting, or that I'll "figure it out, because everybody does", or just generally not really understanding or showing any empathy at all. It took my entire life up until SENIOR YEAR ENGLISH CLASS when I went to my teacher about how I was feeling about a certain project that was triggering my symptoms, and that was the first time in my life when any adult had actually shown any sort of understanding or sympathy towards me and my feelings. That was the first time in my life where my mental struggles were validated by someone I respected and held to high regard.

But I still felt so very very alone, with no one to really talk to or who I knew was going through the same thing as me. So I ended up just,, , making someone who did.

Fun fact, before I really went ham on his development, Seaside was just gonna be a one-off oc with a happy go-lucky attitude and not much else about him. It was only until I heard the song What We Will Never Know (which later ended up becoming one of his theme songs bc of this) for the first time that I decided "WAIT,,. ,, BUT,, , WHAT IF,,. , ,,, , I MADE HIM SAD TOO" pretty much hkHKDJDJSK and that's what kick started his development!!

here I was, this sad, depressed, deeply lonely bitch with a love for making characters who played on extensions of myself, finally able to make something to cope with how awful I was feeling all the time. And that's what Seaside kinda was to me at first, he was my coping mechanism for working through hard bouts of my existenial crisis. I crafted his backstory to fit EXACTLY what I was going through at the time. He was content but never truly happy with how his life had been for as long as he could remember, then something exciting and new happens and he's suddenly thrust into a brand new world with so many new possibilities, but as he starts to settle in he realizes just how lost and alone he truly is in this new environment and he doesn't know where to go or what to do with himself. This is literally, EXACTLY a point-to-point retelling of my experience going through high school, graduating, and trying to figure out what to do with my life all with my mental health rapidly deteriorating around me. And having someone like that in my life, even fictional, even one I literally made up myself, made me feel better. I'd daydream scenarios of of us going on little adventures at the beach at night where no one else would see him in robot mode (gotta keep up the disguise aspect and all), but mostly it was just us hanging out, usually cuddled up to each other bc it gets cold on the beach at night, looking up at the stars, chillin and talking and just taking comfort in each other's presences and knowing that we weren't alone in our struggles. And I KNOW that sounds super stupid and cringey and dumb but like, that's genuinely what made, and still does, make me happy and it's what I used to help me hold on just a little longer to get through some of the really rough periods of my existenial crisis. When it got super bad, when I still even couldn't tell my closest friends about how low I was feeling, I still at least had Seaside with me to help me cope.

it wasn't until it got to the point where I was pretty much (lovingly) forced to wake up to the reality that I was rapidly becoming genuinely suicidal that things finally started to change, even just a little bit. I only very recently finally started to get my mind right, I finally told my parents the whole truth about how I was feeling, I got put on some meds that are honestly doing WONDERS for me rn, and I'm definitely in a much better place mentally then I was just a few months ago. I certainly still have a long way to go, but for now I'm just trying to enjoy the ride and just soak up and relish in the fact that I'm, for the first time in years, genuinely going about my days just happy to be out here living life without constantly being weighed down by the soul crushingly empty sorrow that hung over me 24/7. (and to said close group of friends, if you're indeed reading this, this may be the first time you're hearing about what I've been going through all the time, and if that's the case, I'm gonna have to kindly ask that you not come to me about it. I'll know when I'm ready to talk about this openly, but now I don't think I am. I'm really sorry to have kept it from y'all for so long, it really was just eating me up inside, but I think I explained myself well enough)

so now that I'm doing much better mentally, Seaside's outlook has kinda changed, but at the same time, not really?? he's still my comfort character for sure, always will be, but now he's not so much a coping mechanism as he is just a solid source of happiness and peace to turn to every now and again. This one little transformers oc just genuinely makes me really really happy, and I love to just soak it all in and feel every little thing!! We still share the not knowing what we're doing with our lives aspect of ourselves, but now it's a little less completely lost and anguished and hopeless and a little more hopeful and reassuring. Things are gonna be ok. We'll figure this out at our own pace. And we'll still have each other to turn to at every step of the way.

there's a lot of different kinds of comfort energies that many different kinds of comfort characters give off, and different ones resonate more with different people. The most common one I'll see at least is a kind of is parental comfort, someone you can come to for guidance in life because they have the experience to advise you on what to do and can be almost a better pseudo-parental figure. Mom friend types, loving dad energy, that kind of thing. Someone to protect you and give you big strong hugs and stuff. Seaside gives off a similar yet very different kind of comfort energy to me. It's not parental in any way because he's far too young (relatively, even in Cybertronian standards. He'd be like, mid to late 20s in human years) and inexperienced, and, frankly, still a little too naive and unknowing about a lot of things to really be someone to turn to for guidance or just generally be a pseudo-parental figure, but instead, he's just a good friend. He's a perfect kind of friend that'd stand by your side and will always be there for you through the ups and downs of life, someone who knows how to cheer you up when you're sad, someone you can share a solidarity in where you know you're experiencing the exact same struggles. He's just a good shoulder to lean on and a constant reminder that I'm never alone. And I couldn't ask for anything better tbh

so yeah. There's my ramble I guess lmao. To sum it up rlly I just love this big dumb robot w all my heart and soul and I'm so so glad I made him 💕💕💕