#hopefully when i get enough practice i wont need to do that

[jerrythebug]

The Couple Ever!!!

[orcelito]

Did driving practice today. Actually did parallel parking practice this time, even tho I really didn't want to still. Finally got it into my head that I can maybe do this.

SO......

I have scheduled my driving test. For November 13th, 3 weeks from today.

[wasyago]

unsure if you’ve been asked this before but what is your character designing process?

i have already answered in this post (you can go read it if you want), though it's more jrwi based, so i feel like i can answer again! i doubt I'll end up saying something new but hwhatever who cares dhhdhd

obviously this isn't math, so there's no specific scheme i follow every time, and each design is different and it all varies heavily.

in general, when i start working on a design i already have *some* sort of idea in mind. normally not for the entirety of it, but some bits and pieces here and there that help me characterize the design in my head! i try to get those on the canvas first. they're like key points, and i most likely wont change them.

(and if i don't have an idea, i don't start drawing. and instead scroll through my gallery or pinterest in search of inspiration)

let's take my Gem's recent design as an example! i knew i wanted her to be a squirrel, and i already had squirrel scar and cub designs to base it off. so the key points were big pointy ears, curvy tail, claws. i also knew i wanted her clothing to look regal and floral, and reflect her main base. this is an idea that i haven't fully visualized, but i kept it in mind and knew in which direction i had to move.

after that comes the point where i start making stuff up 👍👍 i enjoy thinking my designs through and making them make sense in my head and be practical. so the process consists of me asking myself questions and then answering them in a design. with occasional "oh wouldn't that be cool" thrown into it.

continuing with gem. she needed to have her clothes be suited for a tail, so her underskirt splits in three parts to make it easier. i still wanted the design to be recognizable as gem and have it resemble her skin; so i kept the white sleeves, the green skirt, the corset. i wanted to make her and scar's designs match, so i changed the corset to green with this long piece of cloth but decided to change the patterns on it. because the brown from the corset was gone, i removed it from her shoes as well and made them black instead, so brown wasn't part of the color pallett anymore. i will introduce pink into the design later, so getting rid of one of the colors wasn't that big of a deal. plus, brown makes her look more down to earth, whereas i want her to look elegant and rich, so its a win/win. i wanted to keep her antlers, but obviously she's not a deer anymore, so i turned them into a crown and made it black to match the shoes. etc etc. i can ramble for three more hours about this hdgshsh.

well, that's how the well thought designs work.

sometimes it's just "im gonna draw all the things i think are fun and cute until i can't think of any" and there's no rhyme or reason to it. that's why things like "doc as a unicorn", one-off series designs, random concepts, aus exist!

sometimes its a "i have no idea what to do with it, so im gonna merge all the layers together and just keep fiddling with it until i figure it out", and that's exactly what happens. if i feel stuck with a design, merging it together and working with both line and color helps a ton, because it helps me to see the design as a whole and i dont have to divide my process and think of which parts im gonna do in color and which in line! recent example is hypno's design. here it is when i didn't know how to make it interesting and the final version:

(funnily enough i still like the first concept, the fact that all the clothes is the same color is quite tasty. but i know that if i needed to draw this design in the future, i would struggle with keeping the clothing layers separated and shading and all that stuff.)

visually i don't think there's much difference between how i design things (?), but the process varies and in my head they're all on like, different tiers.

hopefully this was somewhat helpful! if not it at least let me ramble about my design process which is great hdhsjsh

[mysticwolfshadows]

Taken - Zutara -Part 64

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Katara tried her best not to hover when, on the morning of their last full day on the Black Cliffs, Zuko pulled Aang aside to train. She knew that Aang needed to practice his firebending, and while this 'lightning redirection' sounded like a very useful skill, she worried about the strain it would put on Zuko's still recovering heart. It was even more worrying that Zuko had only practiced it in theory, even if it was under Iroh's watchful eye.

She stood off to the side, half watching the two, half listening to Sokka explain her role in the invasion. She would be on the front lines, alongside Zuko, helping protect the ships from Fire Nation attack, until Toph and Suki returned from their mission. Once they were regrouped, they would go underground, invade the bunker. It was unlikely that Ozai and Azula would be in the same room, so they would have to split up. Zuko would take Suki, and the two would go after Azula. They would hopefully be enough for whatever forces were guarding her. In contrast, Katara would be going with Aang, Toph, and Sokka to hunt down Ozai.

"I don't like having to split up," she confessed, scowling down at the plans. "It weakens us as a whole."

"I know," Sokka said, a tightness in his voice. "But we have to. We'd send more to help Zuko, but we can't pull from the invasion force. We need them at full, in case we go over the eclipse, and they need to hold the city when the fire power comes back on."

"I know," Katara sighed. Getting up, she went to check on Aang and Zuko, the later of which seemed to be giving a lecture.

"Uncle said it's important to not let it touch your heart," Zuko was saying. "It has to go through your stomach. If it touches your heart, you could die." Katara didn't point out that in Zuko's case, it was likely more 'would' than 'could'.

"But then," Aang breathed, eyes wide like he expected Zuko to start hurling lightning. "How do you practice something like that?"

"You don't," Katara said, drawing both of their attention. "You have to learn the principal and pray to the spirits that you never have to use it."

Zuko nodded, face stern. "My uncle is the one that invented this technique. He and I, and now you, are the only ones that know it. If it comes down to it, and you have to use it, it'll be a perfect way to kill him."

Instantly, Aang's eyes widened. "K-kill?"

"My father can't redirect lightning. And he won't be expecting you to know how to either. When, not if, my father tries to shoot you with ligtning, if you can't dodge it, redirect it straight into his chest."

Katara could see the growing panic and uncertainty in Aang's gaze. She knew that he was trying to stay connected to his heritage, keep his culture alive. He had been so adamantly apossed to Zhao's execution in the North.

"Aang," she said, keeping her voice level and calm. "Ozai is the Fire Lord. And that comes with absolute control of the Fire Nation. Even if he's captured, Zuko can't become Fire Lord until Ozai forfeits the crown, which he wont. There would have to be an Agni Kai, which would defeat the purpose of the entire invasion. Unless we can delegitimize his claim to the throne, which we can't."

She didn't know why she said it. It just came out. And now Aang was perking up.

"Well, why not?"

"Well..." She glanced at Zuko, who was clearly at as much of a loss. "The best way would be to prove that Ozai isn't of Azulon's lines, which is impossible."

"And would take away my own claim," Zuko added.

Katara nodded. "Exactly. The other, would be to show proof that Ozai isn't a firebender, but he clearly is."

"Why would it matter if he was a firebender?" Aang asked, looking between them. "Kuei is the Earth King and he isn't an earthbender. And your dad isn't a waterbender, but he's still the chief."

"The Fire Nation is a little different," Zuko huffed, turning away a bit. He crossed his arms over his chest. "The Fire Lord is both the political and spiritual leader. Not that my father or grandfather held onto that. And Agni is our divine spirit, believed to be the one that blesses a firebender with their ability. If an heir to the throne isn't a firebender, they're removed from the line of succession. Weaker benders are even looked over for their younger siblings if they show stronger bending."

"Like you and your sister?"

"Aang!"

Zuko grit his teeth. "I'm going for a walk."

"Zuko-" Before she could say anything else, Zuko was pushing himself up and heading off for the trees. He snagged his swords as he went, and Katara worried about him straining something.

"Aang," Katara said slowly, turning back to the boy. He blinked at her. "You need to understand, that while I would love for you not to have to do this, there's no other way."

"It goes against everything the monks ever taught me," Aang said, his eyes cast downward. "I know Fire Lord Ozai is a horrible person, and the world would be better without him, but he's still a human being. He's a person, and I can't just go around taking out people I don't like." Lifting his head, his eyes were wide and so, so young. "Isn't there any other way?"

Katara wished she could say yes. She wished that she didn't have to tell this little boy he had to kill someone, take a life. They were all young. Sokka was only barely considered an adult by the tribe, and none of them were anywhere close to the legal drinking age in the Earth Kingdom. In the Fire Nation, they were still in that gray area between child and young adult.

And yet, here they were. Participating in a war started generations ago, some of the lead planners in a full scale invasion, and discussing killing a man. Aang didn't need her. He needed an adult who could understand the weight he was under.

"Maybe you could meditate," Katara suggested. "Maybe try to talk to one of your past lives. Like Roku, or the last Air Avatar? They might have some better advice?"

For a moment, Aang looked unsure. Finally, he nodded. "Yeah. I think I will, Katara. Thank you."

With that, Aang grabbed his glider and flew off, in search of a quiet spot to be alone. Katara let out a sigh of relief, and went to start getting dinner ready. She was sure he would be fine.

If she had known that, come morning, Aang still wouldn't have returned, she might have stopped him.

First / Previous / Next / Masterpost

[deadsnothere]

HE WAS AWAKE?! Pt. 2

synopsis - After a "sleeping" confession gone wrong, Lockwood try's to ease the tension but only makes it worse for himself. Can these obviously idiots figure it out with the help of their friend or are they just that stupid!

Masterlist

request - Yes and no?

Word count - 2.2k

Speak Ali! - LOOK WHO FINISHED PART TWO!! No one else posted lockwood fics today so I thought I might be y'all's hero

HE WAS AWAKE?! <- PT.1

“Did you just call me a self-sacrificing idiot-?” SHIT-

Neither of us spoke for a good 10 seconds. In those ten seconds I'm not even sure if I was breathing. “Yes…?” there was definitely some uncertainty to my tone of voice- I mean how the fuck was that, what Anthony was focused on! I just confessed my love for him while he was “asleep”, and his main worry is that I called him a self-sacrificing idiot. I could feel my stomach finally drop, suddenly I became very aware of everything around me. This was shit.

The way his breath fanned on my neck and chest made the hair on the back of my neck stand up, how he watched my every movement, but I was stuck in place as if I'd been ghost locked. My hands were still settled in his hair, my shoulders tense, head practically spinning.

I want to throw up. At this point my nerves are so bad, I could throw up. Nonetheless I spoke softly and shakily. “I should've checked, if you were asleep-” This was painful. Physically painful, My stomach was doing backflips- and not good backflips you get when you're happy, those horrid one's you get when you can feel the worst about to come. ”you weren't supposed to hear that-'' Why wont my mouth shut up- “I'm sorry I just…” -Oh wait, I’m supposed to shut my mouth up.

I didn't try to speak anymore, just slowly moved myself away from Anthony, moving to the end of the bed to stand up. My eyes were swelling with tears, like anticipation in a good book, they were building up to drop the worst part.

“Alias-” I can feel how wobbly my legs are, my vision was blurry for a few seconds when I stood up and I went for the door. I opened it quietly, “Alias! Would you list-” slipping out before I could hear the rest of what he wanted to say. This shit was unbearable. I’ve never wanted to throw up more, maybe I should, it might make me feel better- No I know who can make me feel better.

Lucy Carlyle. Was my best friend. When she first moved in we were rooming together, because we were fixing up my room to be liveable again after a small accident with some smoke and a left on solder iron. In those two months of us living together we’d become very close, learning things about each other, we hadn't even told the people closest to us before. She's is who’s room, i'm speed walking to right now.

“Lucy! Lucy, please open the door, I need someone to hate this jackass with me.” I knocked as softly as I could but hopefully hard enough for her to hear it. We had names for them both, George was Asswipe and Lockwood was Jackass, we did this so we could talk about them without them noticing, although it was mostly used for Lockwood since Lucy loved to tease me about having a “crush” on him. When she opened the door she looked tired, her hair was a bit messy, one hand was rubbing her eye while the other held someone else's. Oh shit I forgot Norrie was here.

“Hi Norrie, Lucy, I'm so sorry for interrupting your time with your girlfriend but our boss is an ass.” The more I spoke, the more I could hear my voice start to crack from the overwhelming emotions swirling in my head. This fucking sucked. This was so shit- I hate this. Norrie just nodded her head and laid it on Lucy's shoulder. Lucy gave her forehead a quick kiss before she whispered in her ear softly. Norrie moved to lay back down in Lucy’s bed while Lucy stepped out and shut the door behind her.

We both moved without speaking, Walked down the stairs past my room, where the door was cracked still. Lockwood was in my room, stood up looking around at the metal creations hanging off the ceiling. Both me and Lucy were looking into the room, spying on him. “Why's lockwood in your room Alias?” I sighed and lifted my head up nodding a no for now, before we started our descent down the staircase again.

When we got to the kitchen I sat down, while Lucy put the kettle on the burner. When she did so she looked over to me with a raised eyebrow. “So what did the jackass do this time?” I sighed softly and finally let the tears slip out of my eyes. “I confessed my love for him and called him a self-sacrificing idiot while I thought he was asleep- But he wasn't asleep.” Lucy's face cringed. She didn't know it was this bad. “And when he answered he said, “Did you call me a self-sacrificing idiot,�� completely ignoring what I said before.”

She put a hand on her forehead. “Oh Ali…Ali” She walked over to me, wrapping her arms around my head and patting my back softly. “He's an idiot.” I nodded along with her, hugging her waist back. Tears fluently slipped out of my eyes, They slipped out because I was definitely not letting them out willingly. “He's the biggest Jackass! I mean I told him I loved him and he focused on that!” I sighed when she let go, I put my head into my hands and sighed. “of all things, the idiot focused on that!”

Lucy laughed lightly, She always had this face when she knew something you didn't, What did she know? “What do you know!?” She jumped almost scared. “Uh- Nothing, what are you talking about-” I squinted at her. “You stuttered you almost never stutter that hard, What do you know, Carlyle.”

She ignored my question and took the whistling kettle off the burner, she turned the stove dial to off, took three cups down, Mine, Norries, and one I couldn't see, because she was obviously standing in front of it, to hide it from me. She poured hot water into all three, took two tea bags out of an earl gray box and a hot chocolate packet out of a different box. “You hate earl gray.” She looked back at me and raised an eyebrow. “I do, But Lockwood doesn’t.” I squinted at her as threat when she stepped out of the way of my line of sight and lockwoods mug itself. “I don't wanna talk to him.” Lie. “Oh don't bullshit me, Alias.” She scoffed at the horrible lie. “I know you like the palm of my hand. We both know, you want to know what he's thinking right now, So you're going to talk to him.”

I rolled my eyes watching closely as she mixed my hot chocolate powder into the hot water, after she put the two bags of earl gray into the other two cups of water. She handed me my cup, as well as Lockwoods, and pulled me to stand up.

We made it to the bottom of the staircase before she stopped me. “Hear him out Ali, I Know you're not the happiest with him right now, but hear his side, ok?” I just nodded a yes, and continued to walk up the stairs with her. Stopping in front of my door. Lockwood was now looking around at my metal working table. Me and Lucy made eye contact, she gave me a thumbs up before softly pushing me into the door and scrambling off herself.

When I was pushed into the door I tried my hardest not to spill any of the hot liquid on myself. Anthony was startled when I barged in. “Are you ok, Alias?” He came to my aid almost immediately, helping me steady myself. I set both the cups down on the desk right beside the door, sighing deeply and rubbing my forehead, hoping maybe i'll explode and not have to deal with this. But I still looked him in the eye and tried my absolute best not to sound like I was going to cry when I spoke. “Why didn’t you respond to me, when I said “I love you”?” He immediately dodged the question. “Can you hand me the cup?”

“Anthony, you answer my question now and I'll at least have some understanding of how you feel, or I'll walk out of this room right now.” I couldn't tell how Anthony felt in the moment, He was so confusing!- Why was he so blank faced it made no sense. This was supposed to be a big emotional moment when he rejects me and says he loves someone else and I try to move on. “We never speak of this again and we're both left confused. So please Ant don't do that to me-” Ok so maybe I sounded a bit desperate, I couldn't help it! my emotions were getting so overwhelming, I felt like I was about to explode. “-Just reject me and let's lay back down and go to sleep,” My hands ran through my hair, the pieces falling in front of my face. He grabbed my hands and pulled me close to his chest, his arms wrapped around my waist and his head laid on my own. “Please Ant…” I think I’d broken his heart at that moment. My voice spoke sweet like honey but it was saturated in desperation.

He sighed softly, Taking in that moment as much as he could. “I didn't respond because you make me nervous, Alias. Your touch could burn holes in my skin, darling.” His arms loosened his grip around me, Slowly slipping up to my face, cradling it in his hand. ”That was poetic, Anthony..” We both chuckled, I kissed his palm and smiled at him warmly. ”I do love you, Alias. I was just too much of a wimp to say it.” I giggled, his other hand moved to cup the other side of my face. ”Yeah you are a wimp.” I pulled him closer and dug my head into his chest. ”Thank you so much, darling for making me feel better-” I giggled once again trying to hide how happy this made me feel..

Lockwood used his pointer finger and thumb, making me face him. He wasn't using that stupid charming smile that although I loved, didn't feel like the real him. Instead he gave me that boyish grin, the one that made my heart flutter when I made eye contact with him, the one that showed how vulnerable he was willing to be with me. “Can I kiss you? Before I realize this is another crazy dream, I’ll play on repeat in the morning.” Laughing lightly, I placed my hands on his hips. “oh, you’ve been dreaming about me?” I just knew my face was lit up like a Christmas tree, I tried my best to softly whisper out a response. “But please do kiss me you idiot.”

When we kissed for the first time it wasn't what i thought it would be, it was awkward and felt weird. But afterwards we still giggled about it. This time I grabbed his face and pulled him down slightly so his lips would slot just perfectly with mine. The first kiss wasn't that great, But the second kiss was electric. His hands trailed up my hips, up my waist, one stopping on my back, the other on the nape of my neck. Our body's pulled as close together as possible. Our mouths moved perfectly together, like we were singing the same song. I had to pull away first, he was following my lips as they left his own. "I simply cannot believe that I waited this long to kiss you.” I laughed at his words, but not in a mocking way- in a feeling of pure joy. “I'm so glad you did…But my bed looks kinda lonely. I'm sure it wouldn't mind, two more people?”

He raised an eyebrow at me, jokingly. “What are you saying, Alias? Trying to get me in your bed.” I sighed softly, kissing his forehead, and backing up from him slightly towards my bed.. “You have to be my boyfriend's first jackass.” He gave me a smug smirk. “Oh so I have to be your boyfriend to get in bed with you huh?” Anthony walked towards me slowly. Once he reached me, he lifted me up slightly and watched me fall on the bed. Immediately laying down next to me. “Looks like I'm your boyfriend now, darling.”

This idiot- “Very smooth Ant- But yes now you are my boyfriend.” He didn't ask, he just said. I'm sure if I would’ve said I wasn't comfortable with it he would’ve backed off but after what just happened there, I'm sure he knew.

He pulled me closer to him, feeling his chest go up and down with his breathing, hands wrapped around my waist and our legs tangled together once more. It was the same yet, so different, at the same time. “Good night, Alias.” He kissed the top of my head softly. “Good night, Anthony.” I repeated the action on his cheek.

Laying my head down on his chest and feeling my eyes slowly…fall closed. Finally meeting the sandman.

(George was not happy about our wasted tea bags, he found in the trash the next morning.)

I'm not going to lie i went crazy when you all actually liked the first part- thank you so much for the likes on that post! i genuinely really appreciate it!

[octoariadneeeeexoxo]

TIDMOUTH TRAINEES

(a next gen TTTE au, oh and theyre all human here)

“after the steam team’s long and fruitful career as train drivers, theyll pass down their legacy to the new kids in sodor; the tidmouth trainees.”

-

hallo everynyan!!!!! welcome to a new au thingy i made:DD (hopefully this post wont flop)

anw, id like to introduce the new trainees of sodors beloved steam team, that will later replace them once theyre old enough to actually handle their engines!!

(pt. 1)

(from left to right)

THERESA GOLDUST (13)

mentor: thomas

- prankster of the group (main target is giselle)

- really really cheeky

- actually really nice, but WILL make you eat your words once you insult herself or her friends

- hair is actually a purplish pink, but dyed it blue to match her dad

- is actually giselle and rowans cousin (her other dad is actually ryan)

GISELLE GRESLEY (14)

mentors: rebecca and gordon

- really arrogant and stubborn

- her and jamila really need to sit tf down💀

- shes kind to only a certain amount of people

- “WE DONT GAF ABOUT YOU BEING THE FASTEST!!! ATLEAST I DONT!” - emmanuel

ROWAN GRESLEY (13)

- the zestiest member of the TT team

- is also the biggest people pleaser

- sometimes he comes off as disrespectful and mean, but thats not what he is at all

- tries his best to apologise to everyone of his sisters victims

- hes like veneer to giselles velvet

JAMILA SPENCER (13)

mentors: nia and james

- the most narcissistic person on this team

- always thinks shes right, and will fight you if you think otherwise

- she looks down on shorter, younger, older, and people who dont think shes the most radiant and beautiful person on sodor (almost everyone)

- has a room full of pictures of herself

- like raquelle, but more flawed

NIALL SPENCER (13)

- the chill sibling

- argues with his sister ALOT.

- hes very adventurous, and loves cats

- HE IS THE MOST SENSITIVE BTCH ON THIS TEAM. like bro why do u get so mad when someone slightly changes their tone towards you??

- he actually enjoys seeing his sister get beat with the broom by their mom

(pt. 2)

(from left to right)

EDITH SAINSBURY (15)

mentors: edward and emily

- the oldest of the TT team

- shes mature, caring, and very patient with everyone

- although she can be a little slow at times

- is the main victim of giselle and jamilas bullying (shes still so nice to them even if they treat the poor girl like crap, if i were her id beat the crap out of them)

EMMANUEL SAINSBURY (13)

- people consider him to be the justin bieber of sodor, people scream every single time he passes by

- according to the people of sodor, hes the most handsome member of the team

- no.1 edith defender (one time he actually jumped giselle when she was getting way too out of hand w her insults , to the point where emily had to step in to stop him from breaking her neck)

- he can be very bossy and disrespectful, but is quick to apologise for his behaviour

HELENA PAYNE (14)

mentor: henry

- the most introverted person on the TT team

- shes actually suuuuper paranoid, and is scared of everyone and everything

- shes very insecure of her height

- she really likes anne of green gables and anything related to it

JOHANNA “JO” MALONE (11)

mentor: percy

- the youngest of the TT team

- some people say shes cute, others say shes the most annoying girl on the team

- shes very smart for her age, but no one actually listens to whatever plan or strategy she comes up with

- nobody takes her seriously because of how young she is

HAYLEY DAVIS (13)

- not exactly a member of the TT team, shes just an honorary member

- shes a part of it because sir topham hatt told the og steam team(mentors) to include her in it (“she has no friends and is almost out of time, please just give her this opportunity so she can die in peace.” - sir hatt)

- she has an illness that prevents her from doing things like running, exersicing, and working, and shes practically dying

- she can still do things like walk, talk, and eat by herself; but overtime her ability to do these things would decrease

- she got the illness from her mom, who is DEAD!!!!

- gets wounded very easily (everything at her house is safety proofed, like all the corners are rounded and stuff)

—————

and yeah!! thats practically it!! you can ask me more abt this au in my ask box:DD (if yall want)

[lokavisi]

Hey sorry if this seems completely out of the blue but I love your blog and was hoping you could maybe offer some advice on how to feel the gods' presence in my life more. I know my deities are there occasionally, I've met them in meditations and even had a dream visitation from Odin and Thor once, but at least recently it's become much harder to actually feel like they're there. Which is weird since I'm actually actively researching and praying to them more than I have before, and tbh the lack of direct messages from them is starting to make me question my faith altogether.

I know the most obvious answers to this problem are to meditate regularly and do more divination sessions with them, but if you have any extra advice please share 🙏 You seem so intuitive and able to communicate with the gods, I really want to learn how to do that too

Thank you for your question! It's ok to ask things out the blue. :) As per my wont, this will be a multiple paragraph response. Because apparently I can't just write a sentence and have that be enough lol.

I guess first I'd like to say that even I don't always feel the gods close by. Loki is extremely kinetic and mobile. Sometimes he feels like he's breathing down my neck, and others it feels like I'm straining to hear him. Like he's yelling without a megaphone from the opposite end of a football stadium. For other deities, sometimes they only really show up and/or I feel them around when they have something in particular they want to say. I may generally be able to hear them more than others, but I've spent *years* of practice tuning in to my intuition, sensing otherbeings, and going into trance journeys to see them. Essentially, it's perfectly normal and ok to not be able to sense them all the time. Whether you're well practiced or familiar with a deity, or not. That might not be particularly helpful to hear, but it certainly seems true from my own experience and hopefully gives you a little comfort.

Based on my experience, sometimes it's not about what you are or aren't doing to connect with them, but what the deities in question are doing. I certainly can't speak for them and I'm not trying to. I just mean to say that just because you don't feel them around when you're doing the work to connect with them doesn't mean they aren't there or don't care. For all we know they *are* around but something else is affecting your perception around their presence. Or maybe they have some reason for cloaking their presence or distancing themselves, like they're trying to teach you something. I know with Loki he often feels distant when there's something I need to work out on my own without much guidance. Also, now that I think about it, sometimes when I get too far into research deities can start to feel a little distant. My theory on that is that they want us to build our own relationships and understandings of them, not just taking the words of ancient peoples at face value. (That is not to say that doing historic/cultural research isn't important, or that it can't give you insights into the nature of the deities or strengthen your relationship with them. However, it is equally important to know them and relate to them on your own terms outside of ancient historical records.)

With that in mind, as far as advice goes, I'd say the more you intentionally do things with them in mind, the more you'll feel or hear them near; and also recognize that feeling an absence could indicate that you need to do some work on your own without their help. It requires a little discernment. In theory, the more you practice and start to hear them clearer, the easier it will be to hear them say, "Yeah this is all you, buddy." Though in the mean time you may need to trust your gut a little more. Ultimately, I think it boils down to just trusting that they are there and they hear you, and trusting your intuition. In human relationships we deeply value trust, and I think deities are no different in that regard. That's the whole "faith" piece, right? Trusting they hear you means trusting that they will at some point, in some way, make their response known. Maybe consider asking for some specific and tangible omens to indicate their presence. Something like asking to see a particular animal that is less common in your region, or to pull one very specific tarot card or rune. Something with lower probability of occurring normally so that it stands out when you see it and you can know that it's them.

Seeing as I've basically just written a short essay I think I'll stop there and hope that that was in any way helpful. If you'd like some more specific or pointed help, feel free to PM me and I'll see what I can do.

Don't fret too much. I'm sure Odin and Thor (or anyone else looking to connect with you) will make sure you know they're around when you need them. :)

[corpseaten]

I get what you’re saying but I’m way too anxious about certain things, I’m rather bold when it comes to these kind of situations but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable with my directness. But if that’s what you want I’m more than willing to show you. And yes I’ll let you know how it goes! I prepared a victorian look and I can’t to show it - even if I hate when people stare at me but this is a one time event here in the area.

I’m not particularly fond of people, I enjoy to stay alone most of the time but I crave to be unique and feel special to at least someone. Someone who’s ready to stay with me even in my worst moments when I just want to end myself, hardships. But I think it’s the most common thing someone can say right? I want someone completely delusional who’s ready to be with my as my special little pet and let to be cherished just by me. I want to control all their free time and torment them with my love until they think I’m too much to handle. Probably that’s why I end up alone, I crave too much and despite knowing my bad habits I don’t care and I want to suffocate them with my words. I think it’s the purest form a love that someone can achieve if you ask me.

To answer your question: No, I don’t follow your account nor I ever directly interacted with your blog other times. And I don’t think you would be able to figure out my identity anyway. I’m practically a ghost here since I don’t post anymore, I abandoned my previous yan account because people weren’t engaging and most of my asks were boring… Well, I enjoy more to haunt for people. On top of that you know enstars and you like rhythm games in general so it was a sign to me. I’ll be honest and I stopped playing enstars more than 1 year ago because I’m bad at games in general. When I genuinely start to like something I end up paying and I can’t stop doing it. I hate so much gatcha games but when I start I psychologically can’t stop thinking about it until I get what I want ;;

I like cuteness aggression but I’m also the other side, it depends on the context. I like to shower people with compliments and cute messages but when I’m not pleased with the reply I can become very desperate and destructive to others and myself. Mostly myself because I always think I’m the worst person I know, the other times when I’m in a good mood I just end up thinking I’m way beyond others. A bit of narcissism never hurt anyone

-🥩

I am a creature of anxiety as well, I can understand how that feels, though, I find my selfish desires overpower that. Well, what you should do depends on what you want from me, doesn’t it? I won’t nudge you anymore than that though, A victorian look? I would ask to see, but, you cannot send pictures whilst on anonymous, I’m sure it’ll look good, though. As they say, go big or go home ! Hopefully not too many will look at you though, it can be difficult not staring back, I find.

Neither am I, people are stressful, I widh I would never have to see any of them again, once I’ve found one person I can devote myself to, I just never talk to anyone else again I find, I do not need to. Ahhh I am a little more toxic than that, I know it is horrible but, if someone wishes to die dating me, I’ll grow to dislike them — love is the thing that keeps me going and keeps me alive, but, if my love in return is not enough for the other person to stay alive for and revolve their life around, then they clearly just are not meant for me, I cannot be with someone that wont fully give their life to me, I am the worst. It sounds like you are describing me there . . . really. I do not think with the right person your love can be too much though, even if it suffocates, you should let your lover suffocate you to death shouldn’t you? That’s what Love is. Maybe it is too much for most though, I am often too much for everyone I have ever dated, most left me as I was too serious about wanting them to isolate, or wanting them to hurt me, or because I was too dependent, it really is tough out here. I agree, that is ever so pure, love is not caring what they want and doing everything and anything to show your love, no matter how.

You’ve never even interacted ? I am surprised, I had an inkling of who I thought you could have been, but I suppose I was wrong. Do you no longer have an account on yanblr? I did also have an old account which I deleted, though that was due to a bad relationship, you know enstars ? Who was your favourite character ? I still play it everyday, it is one of my favourite things ever, did you mean paying or was that a mistype for playing . . whichever, i do both! I have always been good at saving, not enstars but on genshin I currently have over 110,000 primogems saved up, I like the security in knowing I can have what I want.

The other side ? Ahh I am confused again. I am the same I think . . if I am all lovey with someone and send them thousands of messages and get nothing in reply, I instantly switch up on them, I deserve better than that, why keep trying for someone who wont return my affections? I agree, I am not overly narcissistic, but sometimes I do get quite close to the border.

[bismuthburnsblue]

before i can start even thinking about my dress for Lady Stede, i need to consider the four base layers i need to support it:

1: Shift

my plan is to go quick and a little dirty here- just a bog standard basic shift pattern with a drawstring at the neck. its not inaccurate for the era, but i really am not abiding by any specific history here. i dont do enough costuming to have more than one shift, so i want something that will work with as many different pieces as possible, and the drawstring will hopefully allow that. i have some linen i bought with the intent of making a shift or shirt a little while back, so its finally time to use it up!

2: Stays

i already own redthreaded's 1750s stays pattern, so im going to employ that here! its going to be a perfect time period for the dress im making, and im already enamoured with the style as it is. i actually bought the pattern with the intent of making a fashion set of stays using a cotton print i got for pennies that reminded me of those gorgeous blue and white print designs. i think that plan fits stede without need to change anything, so i just get to move that project up the list! i think my only adjustments are that ill make sure i pay attention to the histori silhouette when fitting a bit more. im not quite sure what im. going to be using for my strength layer yet, i wont have enough coutil without buying more, and so i was considering trying a more historical option if i have to make a purchase anyway.

(the fabric- the colour is more blue in person i promise!)

3: Pocket Hoops

theres probably a good argument to be made that a full pannier would be a more appropriate undergarment for a lady stede costume, especially with my influences... however. i have to get this into a suitcase, so it absolutely has to be pocket hoops. ill tell myself that thats Stede's idea of toning it down on the boat, of practicality. ive stared at a lot of images of pocket hoops in this process already, and i think ive determined the key factor in making a pair i would like: the top length. pocket hoops where the length between the top hoop and the waist is too short pull at a weird angle i hate, and ones where its too long go saggy and lose the dramatic shape of the skirt. it seems to be a very easy thing to get wrong because ive seen a lot of ones that just dont look right to me. the rest of the pocket hoop is easy as pie. ive got a couple patterns in books i own already, and ive decided to go with the enclosed style, for storage potential. the rest of the pattern ill fiddle with until its giving me the shape i really want. i dont have any hooping wire or cane, and i dont want to buy in bulk (which is the way all my usual haunts sell it) so im going on a fun trip to the hardware store to see if i can find a boning alternative!

4: Under-Petticoat

ive seen two main styles of this, the one thats a base skirt designed to go under the pocket hoops, and the one that is essentially the same as the petticoat you see, two halves that tie front and back and go over the hoops. im yet to decide which style im going with for certain, though im leaning towards the second style because for my purposes, i cant see how the first really helps? ill have a shift that long anyway and its away from the top surfaces, so it seems obsolete to me. doing it the other way will also give me chance to practice for my outer petticoat, too. but i think i still have a lot of research to do on this particular element before making a final decision. i know im going to use a random cotton i have around though, probably old bedsheets or something of the like. something breezy and light but inexpensive and not precious yardage.

looks like im going to have a busy winter!

[mistwhisperexpress]

Sorry reblogging this again and deleting my previous one because it keeps bothering me and I want to unpack it. But first thank you so much for messaging them about it even if you got such a terrible response, it really means more than I can express. Hopefully asking him to send your support ticket to another employee as well as his supervisor results in something.

"Star Stable would never associate any form of religious beliefs onto any creature or person in starstable."

But you do. Like big time. Ignoring the fact religion isn't even the point and Judaism is an enthoreligion (and only became a religion in some aspects because Napoleon wouldn't let us practice our traditions any other way), the game is very culturally Christian. It may not directly be called Christmas anymore, but we all know that's what the winter holiday is. It's filled with Christmas centered traditions. It has a tree and presents. That's a Christmas tree. There's Santa hats. Santa was literally in the game for years. And also the witches?? There are real life practicing witches? Irregardless of whether you believe that's possible or not, it's still a thing. Mysticism type things are very much practiced by real people.

"Antisemitism just isn't something that we have added to the game."

If you aren't Jewish, you don't get to decide that. Period. You do not define antisemitism.

"Goblins are a fantasy creatures that don't exist. They exist within pages of magical stories. Goblins and Trolls are derived from a similar fantasy so changing any name from goblin to troll isn't solving anything. An imp is also just a smaller goblin. Calling a goblin an elf is also somewhat wrong. When I say elf i think if the beautiful human-like people with pointy ears and shiny hair."

Lots to unpack with this one. Okay. Fantasy and folklore, particularly European fantasy and folklore, which is what the game draws influence from, and which is where goblins come from, is filled with antisemitism. I can't emphasize enough how antisemitic Europe and the Grimm Brothers were. Goblins and trolls absolutely do not derive from similar places. Goblins were initially a Germanic fae creature. Trolls likely come from Norwegian witch folklore. He's right in that changing the name alone wont fix things, because they need to also NOT BE FUCKING GREEN. Imps have similar fae origins to goblins, but they aren't a fantasy creature historically been used as an antisemitic caricature. The only vaguely maybe antisemitic imp connection I've seen is grimmsnarl in Pokemon. The caprans in the game are called elves several times, and elves also have fae origins like goblins.

"Again I appreciate your concern. Star stable would never insinuate that Jews are Goblins and that isn't what we have done during our character development process."

No one said SSO insinuated Jewish people are goblins. We're saying the game perpetuated an antisemitic version of goblins. SSO took an element of folklore without researching it, the antisemitism may not have been done intentionally but that is the result.

"I think you will be able to overlook the antisemitism, for one reason, jews are not goblins, that's absolutely ridiculous."

Telling someone to overlook antisemitism is gross. Noticing it is our survival. Telling someone to overlook racism, which antisemitism is a form of, is like telling the frog to ignore the water is getting hotter. This issue is relatively low stakes and not serious, but it's part of a culture that normalizes it. Ignoring that while antisemitism is rising makes it worse. I think this is part of a language barrier issue but also, this is a bit of an admittance?

mister sso, fire him /reference

[hotluncheddie]

Today I bring you jock mannerisms Steve. Steve is an obviously touch starved guy between the absent parents and douchebag friends he's not great about asking for affection or even understanding that he needs it most of the time. Which just kinda leads to him being subconsciously touchy.

Most of it is innocent enough that you wouldn't notice it. Lots of pats on the backs, shoulders and head that are just commonplace for how he interacts with the kids at this point. There's the hair ruffling too and he'll grab people's wrists and tug them out of the way out of reflex because the kids and Robin (and later Eddie) get so caught up in what they're doing that they don't pay attention to their surroundings Robin has been almost run over mid ramble more times than Steve cares to admit

And all of this is fine. Friendly touches. But then he does the 'hands on someone's waist to scoot past' move. He doesn't even think about it. He'll put his hands on the kids shoulders to move them out of the way because of their height and his depth perception is fucked mainly in his left eye from all the head injuries, that he can't always tell how much space he has now. So he doesn't even think when his hands land on Eddie's waist as he squeezes past him in the kitchen

But Eddie does. Particularly because Steve runs hotter than him and he feels like he just got burned

lovely anon i have had the longest day so to come home and read this is so so so cool. ty! i love it! <3

first off i have been having some steve finds it hard to differentiate platonic and romanic love (which it really honestly is) thoughts and i just feel like there a juicy way of connecting that and him being touch starved and i dunno just yet.

also great point about the kind of touching and intimacy that could be creating in all the sporting environments he's been in. like they're all there to use their bodies so i can see steve thinking about physicality in a very different way to anyone else in the party. like his body was never something he was ashamed of. he could think/talk about it in a very practical way; something to get the job done, always looking for ways to improve, things he wants to change but without any strong emotions just wanting to be better. so in a way it makes sense he wont think deeply about the way he touches his friends, because those safe little ways have always been there, they just hold a lot more meaning now. he does them with a lot more love.

he's just a real special guy!! he's letting himself care so he's letting himself touch in caring practical ways. growing into someone who gives freely and hopefully, eventually someone who can ask for what they need freely.

but oh ho ho a hand on the waist? that's horny romantic and honestly so is holding a wrist i feel like is potentially very intimate. so eddie going insane at steves little touches is sooooo good!

i think i just love the idea of these two guys being kinda loud and brash and then they come together and start to realise deeper feelings. realise its different with the other and then everything just softens. they're different with each other, its special, the little moment they have just the two of them.

so eddie being in the kitchen, fresh to realising his growing feeling for steve, feeling that innocent little touch. burning inside with want and desire but also being so confused because does steve touch everyone like that? is eddie reading too much into it? sometimes steve looks at him or talks to him in a way that make eddie feel special, like he gets to see a side of steve no one else does. but he can't be sure.

and maybe it takes steve a little while to realise that he does touch eddie differently. then a little longer to see that he wants to keep touching eddie differently. to treat eddie special because he is special to steve.

and then they kiss obviously!

(sorry this maybe doesn’t make a load of sense it’s a lot of separate thoughts under the theme of your lovely message!)

[nsmhrniki]

✰ to be rewarded w/ a kiss (2/2)！,,

WARNINGS: cussing, suggestive stuff on kenny's part but nothing really happens LMAO, mention of the word "piss" 😧

PAIRING/S: kenny, cartman x reader [ platonic // romantic ]

PRONOUNS: they/them (gender neutral)

GENRE: fluff fluff fluff, sort of crack on kenny's part because

REQUESTED: yes // no (@buffandpuff)

A/N: god i'm finally doneskhs. cartman's is sorta different than the others since it's not reader trying to help him study but im kinda proud of his part 😯 i can finally update my masterlist

here's kyle's and stan's 👍

mccormick, kenny ✰ !

the bell had just rang and you immediately rushed towards kenny's side, nudging him a bit as his head slightly tilts towards you as a way of saying "i'm listening", even with his eyes trained in front of him.

"kenny, quiz right? i'll help u study"

"y/n i really dont ca-"

"2 pm, my house."

you toddle away to your own locker, leaving kenny to mope about how "he doesn't care." it was science; the periodic table. he's only stupid enough to fail that class (and fail the others too). it's been on his mind all day, his eyes drooping in exaggerated pettiness until they drastically widen, as if a light bulb just lit on.

study?? at your house?? for sure, you mean....,, do you? for god you two are glued and drawn together like magnets. he's not sure what your motive is, to confess, or whether it's truly, hopefully like in cliché movies when a couple– when someone invites their partner to "study."

only you two aren't a couple, at least not yet–that's gonna change today!!!!

"you got me to walk all the way here just for you to lend me your books?"

"did you prefer me walking to yours? how ungentlemanly."

"you have a wholeass bike" "that's nothing."

"oh and those aren't the school books they're more of just like summarized stuff i wrote, like way less complicated and easier to study"

"can you at least let me in? i hate to walk like two blocks just to go back after like, i don't know 2 minutes?"

"it's been thre- you know what just get in here. my parents aren't home anyway."

that one line sparks kenny, and if it were possible, his tail would have been startled high and wagging furiously.. giddily, he steps in his delight. you sigh as you reluctantly close the door

"you know where my room is."

this is it!!!

"in the meantime i'll go wash the cherries to eat." ... "what's with that face? go or beat it."

kenny huffs and does as he was told,, dragging his misery and pettiness behind him as it leaves a trail up the stairs.

"y/n i literally hate cherries you know that"

"come on just a bite, my aunt handpicked them!!"

"no"

"i promise you wont regret it"

giving into you practically shoving the cherry into his mouth, he bites it off the stem and uneagerly chews. eyes dramatically squinted with eyebrows quirked in such a way that they put a two-year-old's effort to write a straight line to shame.

"i do regret it–and i also regret being here"

"well if you pass this quiz then you won't and i'll help you with that!", you say confidentally, plopping your books on your table with a force, causing it to shake a little. in an instant, you flip through your pages and stop by the exact lesson the two of you need to study

"you just want a study buddy because if you don't have one you get distracted and completely neglect what you needed to do"

"NOT true, let's get started before i shove all these cherries in your mouth."

it's been a day after that, and right now kenny is staring at the piece of paper you've given to him before you shoved him out your door. telling him to figure that out before quiz day and that he BETTER does because it's easy as hell. and even with that he only decided to think about it an hour before science class

"i dont know what she means man"

after a few seconds of silence kyle finally has it figured out.

"it's a code dude! you gotta make out what it says by their- short forms or whatever i dont know!"

"i thought that too but what she wants me to piss if i pass??? pass equals piss, what??"

...

"dude, try a little harder, alright? get that figured out and you won't regret it."

with that, kyle walks away.

psh, regret. that's what you said too and he sure as hell regrets it. he turns to stare at the peice of paper again...

Phosphorus, Arsenic, Sulfur, Sulfur = Potassium, Iodine, Sulfur, Sulfur

what...does that...mean.. 😰

poor kenny had already given up, handing you the paper awkwardly and confessing his failure.

"god kenny you're so dumb what i meant to say is i'll kiss you properly if you pass!!"

"what..." it's only now that it hits him, reminded that you kissed the side of his mouth before handing him that dumb peice of paper.

"so go ahead and prove it to me that i didn't waste my time trying to teach you!! although you sorta gave that away already thinking potassium is P"

"is it really MY fault that the table tricked me into thinking the short forms are just the first letters of the elements???"

"youre just dumb. no kiss for you."

"NO no i can do this, trust me y/n. watch me"– and that's when your professor hands you the quiz papers. kenny's eyebrows knitted in what you can't figure out as either nervousness or concentration.

he ends up being 3 points away from failure though and you still kiss him because that was your plan anyway 😋

cartman, eric ✰ !

"eric, please at least pass this one quiz and i'll let you off the hook."

"mom!"

"just ONE quiz, eric. please?? this is really important and i dont know why you keep failing all your tests but just this one time i need you to pass this!. it's important and your teacher himself texted me to remind you about it. eric??"

"but..." his voice comes off as meek–far from what he intended. or overall just not what he intended at all

"eric? is there someone, or something bothering you? you know you can tell me anything, you dont need to hide from me."

"u-um,,, y/n! yeah! theyre bothering me and i cant study because of it! theyre really scary, mom!"

nothing but silence from the other door, cartman finally pushes his jacket down in relief.

he has no idea why he chose you, but any student would have been enough to trick her. any student that comes to his mind first

little will he admit you dont just come to his mind first but have been in his mind all day, every day, and he doesnt remember how or when it started. its starting to get,, annoying?????

you're the only person cartman leaves alone, like just not bothers that much in comparison to the others. you can't lay a finger on it. you presume it's because of how you're the only one who cares about him, passing him your school notes even when he literally will not use them (but keeps them anyway for like a day), sharing your food and end up having only two or three bites left, lending to help him with injuries because he doesn't want to go to the nurse's office, etc. and that is exactly why liane loves you, and at that point just mistook you two as best friends when really you're not.

he walked up to you one day during lunch and grabbed you by the shoulders to turn to him, staring at you intently with a threatening scowl as if you've just thrown him the biggest earth-shattering insult ever. your shoulders tense and your eyebrows furrow in confusion, you remain silent.

"you! i dont know what you did to me but you better put this spell out or you're dead!"

from that day on, he's been calling you witch,, holding the "you hexed me" card to your face until he shapes it into some sort of spear to annoyingly stab you on the daily,,,thirteen times minimum

really he's just finding an excuse to "talk to you." but i dont think he's aware of that. neither will he ever admit that in that case.

cartman felt he had his mother wrapped around his little finger when he claimed you scare him, which was undoubtedly ridiculous in her sense. liane had to speak with you. she makes it clear that she doubts you scare him, of all people. It may be because cartman isn't used to being cared for; when it's his mother, he denies any concern. you'll never get the answer out of him

you promised to mrs cartman you'd find a way to convince him to study for this test, and she trusted you.

when oh where in his life would he expect you to pull him to a more secluded area in the hall not even a minute after class was dismissed, pecking him on the corner of his mouth while your hands are wrapped around the collar of his jacket.

"pass the quiz and i'll kiss you properly."

he's left on the same spot, confused but rather more stupefied.

he's juggled between purposely failing the quiz or even putting an effort to pass it but the balls keeps slipping from his hands and eyes can't focus on that ball and this ball.

he, for some reason he still doesn't know, did study. eric cartman, studying.

and he doesn't know, and at this point he doesn't want to know.

he did pass, and everyone was beyond stunned. so later that day he'd find you in the halls and out of nowhere snatch you from whatever business you have and look at you dead in the eye.

"i passed, bitch. and i'm waiting."

he supposes he mistook this "spell" as a curse, could it have been a blessing? there's no way, he's still in denial about it. but he doesn't mind having a witch like you maybe make his life a little better.

(he cheated)

㊎ all rights reserved to @/nsmhrniki. please do not copy/repost

Reblogs are appreciated !

[skiller0dani]

Intoxicated | Klaus Hargreeves

M A S T E R L I S T TUA Masterlist

smut | teen!klaus x teen!reader requests info w.c | 8.9k summary | you fell in love with klaus when you were teenagers. but after he continues to relapse, you lose faith that he will get clean. when you see him again as an adult, has anything changed?

The first time you properly met Klaus you were both around 17, and he was slumped against the wall of an alleyway. His face was bare of facial hair, and he looked far too boyish for a needle to be still in his arm. You were only out looking for him as a favor to Allison, whom you’d known since you were both children. You never paid much attention to Klaus, or any of her other siblings but after hours of incessant begging you’d finally agreed to go look for him. You still remembered her frantic voice over the phone.

“Please? If my Dad notices Klaus is gone he’ll lock him up in the Mausoleum to dry him out.”

You might not care much for Klaus or his drug habit, but you couldn’t just let Mr. Hargreeves lock him up so that ghosts can torment him while he sobers up. You know Allison is just protecting him, but you can tell even she is starting to lose faith in Klaus. It’s honestly sort of heartbreaking. But hopefully if you get him back in time, maybe you can get him sober enough to fool Mr. Hargreeves into thinking Klaus finally cleaned up.

“Klaus!” You rush to him immediately, carefully pulling the needle out of his arm. You tuck it into your bag so that Grace can help you and Allison figure out what Klaus took. You trust that Grace wont tell Mr. Hargreeves, the only thing more powerful than the programming is her desire to protect her children. His eyes are barely open when he smiles at you, his pupils blown wide open. You brush his hair out of his face, his palm twitching in yours as you take his hand to pull him to stand.

“Can you stand?” You ask him, watching as his arm limply falls from your hand.

“You’re not really here, you’ve never even looked at me twice…” Klaus mumbles through a slack jaw. That’s when his eyes roll back.

“Klaus?” You gently slap his cheeks, trying to get his attention. You sigh deeply, worried when you see his eyes roll again behind closed eyelids. Is he seizing? His body jerks once before sliding further down the wall. You know you can’t leave him here, but you also know that you need Luther to come get Klaus, you can’t move him.

“Please don’t move, I’ll be right back.” You say hurriedly, cupping his cheeks to force him to look at you. Klaus grunts in what you can only hope is an acknowledgement that he heard you before you’re standing and sprinting for the Academy. By the time you’d reached your destination and had delivered your convincing argument to Luther, it’d been 45 minutes. You lead the way back to Klaus praying to God that he was exactly where you’d left him, but you doubt it. Sure enough, when you turned the corner into the alley, Klaus was nowhere to be seen.

“Shit!” You cursed, a panicked glint in your eyes as you helplessly turned to Luther.

“Please help me find him.” You plead, grasping desperately onto his arm. Luther has what you can only describe as a scowl on his face as he turns to you.

“I’m not doing this again.” He snapped.

“What do you mean?”

“Getting invested in Klaus’s recovery, I’m not doing it again. Letting myself believe that he could get clean only leads to more disappointment when he eventually uses again.” You can see layers of old scars in his eyes, reflections of all the times Klaus has relapsed and let his siblings down.

“Luther I get it, really I do. But right now Klaus is God knows where, and when Reginald realizes-” The mention of his father causes Luther to stiffen considerably. Deep down Luther knows that Klaus wouldn’t have substance abuse issues if he didn’t spend half his childhood locked in that damn Mausoleum being tormented by the dead.

“Let’s just find him quickly.” You nearly celebrate when Luther finally relents but you don’t, instead you immediately start searching the surrounding streets and alleys in search of your resident junkie. You doubt Klaus could go very far, he’d been in really bad shape when you saw him last. He could hardly sit up let alone walk, did he crawl?

“Found him!” You hear Luther call, and when you turn you see Luther standing with Klaus slung over his shoulder at the end of the alleyway. Klaus has the hint of a smile on his face as Luther hauls him back, and you’d almost say Klaus looks entertained. Although, it could be the hallucinations making him smile like that. By the time you’d arrived back at the Academy, the mysterious needle you’d taken from Klaus’s arm earlier had been thoroughly tested by Grace.

“It’s heroin.” Allison’s shaky voice came from the doorway of Klaus’s bedroom. You turned to look at her, watching as nothing but anger fills her eyes.

“He promised me that he’d never done any hard drugs, he promised it was just weed and painkillers! And he’s injecting heroin?” You can tell that she really is hurt, you can see the betrayal in her eyes before she’s turning out of his room.

“Allison-”

“No, I won’t watch him slowly kill himself. In 2 weeks when we finally turn 18 he’ll be gone anyway. Don’t forget to invite me to his funeral.” She snaps, wiping her eyes before slamming his door shut. It was then that you’d decided not to give up on him, because the second everyone lost faith in him was the second they signed his death certificate. Loving an addict is harder than you would think, but you were willing to be Klaus’s person, so long as he was dedicated to getting better. If Klaus gives up on himself, then there’s no point. So you sat on the edge of his bed and used a rag to wipe away dried vomit on his face and neck, plus you dabbed at a closing gash on his head which was still bleeding a little.

“Y/N?” You hear him mumble, and when you look up at him again you see his eyes have cracked open. You brush his hair off his forehead, and the look in his eyes has your entire body heating up. It’s not a particularly provocative look, more of a hungry curiosity. There was still gentleness there, and a sincerity beneath it all. All his siblings have given up on him at this point, and deep down you think Klaus knows that. They’ve reached the point that the next time Klaus goes missing, they won’t look for him or even worse- they won’t even realize he’s gone. The thought breaks your heart.

“Hi.” You can’t think of anything else to say. Klaus reaches one hand up to wind into your hair, a sly smile crossing onto his face.

“Can’t say I remember the last time we properly spent quality time together.” He raises one brow, his hazel eyes twinkling mischievously.

“That’s because we never have.”

“What a shame.” The smug smile on his face makes your cheeks heat up embarrassingly. You feel all mushy in his presence.

“You have to get clean before Reginald gets home tomorrow.”

“Oh wouldn’t want to disappoint daddy dearest.” You can practically taste the sarcasm in his tone, but still he keeps that damn smile stretched across his face.

“He’ll lock you away if he finds out, stop pretending like this isn’t a big deal.” You sigh, standing to find him clean clothes. Klaus pushes himself onto his elbows, his head is swimming. The nausea twisting his gut is hard to ignore, but watching you bend over in those tight jeans has him ignoring the discomfort. He wouldn’t miss the show for anything.

“Enjoying yourself?” You ask him once you notice him staring. You use snarky comments to hide how flushed you are, how flustered you are from the heat in his gaze.

“Enjoying the view.” Is all Klaus says, and you know he can see how red your cheeks are. You shake your head as you toss clean clothes at him, quickly diverting your eyes when he begins to undress with you still in the room.

“Jesus, warn me next time!” You squeak as you turn your eyes to the ground when he tosses his dirty pair of tight jeans at you along with his shirt. You hear the zipper of his tight black jeans pull up and that’s when you decide it’s safe to look. When you eye him again, he’s sitting up on the bed pulling his shirt on over his head.

“What’s the fun in that?” Despite his snarky comebacks and the smirk on his face, you can tell he doesn’t feel good at all. There are bags under his eyes and he winces every time he moves. You place a hand on his shoulder when he tries to stand, a look he can’t quite read on your face.

“I’m gonna make you something to eat, please don’t go anywhere.” The genuine fear in your eyes as you look down at him has Klaus rooted to the bed. Suddenly a fear of letting you down cripples him then, and he can only manage a nod before you’re leaving the room.

//

The first time you saw Klaus overdosing you had come home from work early. It was a few months since you and Luther found him in that alleyway, and he’d made no attempts to clean up. Of course you thought he was clean and attending meetings. Klaus knew you’d be heartbroken if you knew the truth, and he was borderline worried you’d kick him out if you knew he spent most of the day high. If he knew that you’d fallen head over heels for him, he wouldn’t be worried about being kicked out. Klaus was clean the first week he moved in with you, but then came the ghosts. Their voices echoing in his head, their bloodied and battered bodies plaguing his every waking moment. He had clamped his hands over his ears to try and block them out, and he actually endured the tortuous voices for 17 hours before he gave in and popped some oxy.

“Klaus I’m back-'' Before you could finish whatever you were saying you spotted him lying unconscious on the living room floor. You dropped a glass platter and everything felt like it was happening in slow motion. You immediately scrambled towards him as the glass shattered everywhere. Your hands cupped his cheeks as tears filled your eyes, and you could not stop shaking.

“K-Klaus?” You gasped, shaking his shoulders to no avail. His body was practically lifeless, and his skin was almost gray and colorless. You lifted his wrist to check his pulse, and nearly burst into tears of relief when you felt a pulse but it was fading fast.

“Damnit Klaus!” You sobbed to yourself, leaning down to see if he was breathing. You held your breath, and prayed you would hear his faint breath. When you didn’t, it felt like you had been plunged into cold water. The panic struck you deep in your chest and you quickly sat up to perform CPR. You tilted his head back as the tears flowed down your cheeks, and you quickly started compressions. You reached into your pocket to press the stupid little life alert button you’d purchased when Klaus moved in. In moments like this you knew you needed a quick way to call an ambulance. You listened for his breathing once more, and cried softly when you still didn’t hear any breathing.

“Klaus please, please.” You didn’t know what you were pleading for, but you were so desperate for him to be okay that you couldn’t think straight. You continued compressions and then breathing into his mouth for 10 minutes before the emergency services arrived. They nearly had to pry you off him before shoving a breathing tube down his throat, and injecting him with something in a syringe. You’d climbed into the ambulance next to Klaus, his hand held tightly in yours. He looked lifeless in the hospital room, his eyes were closed and there were tubes sticking out of him. The steady beeping from the monitor was your only clue that his heart was still beating. You called his siblings, but after 5 hours you figured they weren’t going to come, you doubt they’d even listen to the message. Underneath the fear there’s anger, so much anger. How could he do this to you? He lied to you. He said he was clean! Did he ever attend a meeting or was that just a lie to go get more weed and pills?

“Hey you.” You hear his raspy voice from beside you. Once he started breathing on his own again they replaced the breathing tube for oxygen in his nose. The doctors said they would need to keep him here until he completely detoxed. There are tears welling in your eyes and you refuse to meet his eyes, you’re upset and he knows that.

“Baby I’m sorry.” Klaus tries, his hand reaching out for yours. You keep your arms folded as a tear finally falls down your cheek. Klaus hates seeing you cry and he hates even more that he is the reason you’re crying. You weren’t entirely surprised to hear him call you baby, you and Klaus have gotten close during the time he’s been living with you.

“Please look at me.” Klaus begs, a break in his voice that lets you know he has tears in his eyes. You lifted your gaze to meet his, and you see how sick he looks. His skin is gray, his eyes are sunken in and they have bags under them.

“How could you? You lied to me.” Your voice is soft, broken. This is the first time Klaus has truly let you down and you can’t help but wonder if this is how his siblings have felt every time he’s let them down. You see guilt flash in his eyes, the look in your eyes is worse than any other look Klaus has received from his brothers and sisters.

“What if I didn’t get off work early? Then you’d be dead Klaus!” You sobbed, tears wracking your body.

“Baby I swear when I get out I’ll get it together. I-I’ll clean up I promise.” A stray tear falls down his cheek and Klaus quickly reaches up to wipe it away. His hands are trembling when they reach for yours again but you still don’t budge.

“No Klaus, you’re going into fucking rehab. I can’t live with the constant fear of coming home and finding you dead. I love you too much to lose you.” The last part slips out by accident, but you can’t take it back. Klaus’s eyes widen as another tear trails down his cheek, and this time he doesn’t wipe it away.

“You love me?” How could he not know? You laugh bitterly as tears continue to cascade down your cheeks.

“Yes I do, and if you give even half a damn about me you’ll check into rehab.” You beg, your watery eyes finding his. Klaus lays his head back, his own teary eyes looking up to the ceiling before they close and he takes a deep breath.

“I love you so fucking much, so I’ll do it. For you.” Klaus finally whispers, reaching for you one last time and this time, you take his hand.

//

“Please tell me you’re going to take this seriously. Please? I-I can’t lose you.” You beg a few days later once Klaus was finally cleared to leave the hospital, but he would be going right to rehab. The doctors had him sign a document agreeing to be taken straight to an intensive rehab program as soon as he was released from the hospital. Klaus in all honesty was a tad bit put off by the idea of going into rehab, and was downright terrified of having to deal with the voices. Luckily he had Ben with him to help keep him sane while he was in rehab. Klaus really does love you, and he really does want to give sobriety a shot- but only for you.

“I promise, I already said I was really going to try.” Klaus sighed, turning his gaze down to look at you.

“You have no idea what that was like for me Klaus. Coming home to your lifeless body, I-I thought you were fucking dead.” You snapped, looking away from him as tears build in your eyes again. You’re so sick of crying. You feel his fingers grasping your chin, turning your head to look at him.

“I’m not dead baby, I’m here. I’m gonna get clean, and I’m gonna stay clean. I promise.” Klaus whispered before pressing his lips against yours. What you didn’t know then was that Klaus would be making that promise a hundred more times, and he’d be breaking it a hundred times. Deep down he didn’t want to get clean, he didn’t care enough about himself to try. The dead were too overwhelming, too scary, too much. Klaus couldn’t handle it, he didn’t want to. What he wanted was to be completely numb. The kiss was watery, but you pressed against him with such ferocity you almost took him by surprise.

“Mr. Hargreeves? The van is here.” A nurse says, clearing her throat awkwardly from the door. Klaus breaks the kiss first, his forehead pressed against yours. You can’t stop the tears as they trail down your cheeks. You sling his bag over your shoulder as the two of you head outside together. You see a man in scrubs take Klaus’s bag as other patients from the hospital pile into the van.

“I’ll only be gone for 3 months. Be back in a flash.” Klaus smiles, but the mischievousness doesn’t quite meet his eyes.

“I love you.” You whisper as he presses a kiss to your forehead.

“I love you.” Is the last thing you hear him whisper before he’s climbing into the van.

//

Klaus’s sobriety didn’t last long after rehab. Sure he’d attended all the group therapy sessions, and the annual detox therapy, he saw his therapist and followed the steps. He’d gone through the entire agonizing process of detoxing from the drugs. He wanted to be better, but then the voices came once more. Wailing in his ear about how desperately they wished to be alive, all the horrible details of their death, all the people they left behind. Ben tried to talk Klaus through it, to help him embrace his powers rather than reject them. But when Klaus sat straight up in bed, your sleeping body next to him and a thousand desperate voices screaming in his head he couldn’t take anymore.

“Don’t do this.” Ben pleaded, although he sounded defeated more than desperate. But Klaus’s shaking hands were already reaching for the closest pair of pants, which happened to be one of your skirts. Klaus was way more than itching for a fix, he was downright clawing for one. His eyes were wild as he stood up slowly, careful not to wake you up.

“She trusts you Klaus.” Ben tries again, he’s begun resorting to guilt tripping to keep Klaus sober. For the last few days it’s seemed to work, but Ben doubts it’s going to work now. Klaus is too far gone. “That isn’t going to last forever, eventually she will give up on you.”

“Shut up.” Klaus hisses, pulling sneakers on before turning for the door of the apartment. Ben appears in the doorway of the staircase, and Klaus raises a brow.

“Save whatever speech you have planned, I need it now.” Klaus says desperately, walking down the stairs- through Ben.

“Screw you Klaus, you’re taking advantage of her!” Ben snaps, you may not know Ben is around but he’s gotten to know you. He cares about you, in a sisterly way, and he hates seeing Klaus take your love and throw it away.

“Shut the hell up Ben.” There is genuine anger in Klaus’s tone now, his fists clenched as he continued towards where his normal dealer hangs out. Ben doesn’t particularly like hurting Klaus, but dammit someone has to stop him from destroying his own life.

“If you really cared about Y/N, you’d turn around and go home. She’s still laying in bed, thinking you’re next to her. How amazing is it that she wants you to be next to her, and you don’t seem to care at all. If I was alive, I’d love her right.” Ben yells, and this causes Klaus to freeze.

“Like hell you could! Y/N only wants me.” Klaus insists, but Ben can see the insecurity swirling in his eyes.

“For how long? When she realizes you relapsed again she isn’t going to want anything to do with you. Or you could go home Klaus, and put her first for once.” Ben says, his voice calmer this time. Tears well in Klaus’s eyes, he loves you more than anything on this whole planet.

“I’m sorry, I need it.” Klaus whispers before turning down the alley to see his dealer. This time, Ben doesn’t follow him. He can’t watch Klaus overdose again, he can’t watch him throw you away for drugs.

//

The first time you have sex with Klaus, he was high. You don’t know that, and Klaus knows exactly how you’d react if you did. It was a month since Klaus had gotten out of rehab, and you believed it also signaled a month of sobriety for him. In reality, Klaus hadn’t even made it a week before he relapsed after rehab. You wanted to celebrate with him, to do something nice for him. Ben watched you light candles while Klaus took a “nap”. It made him sick to see you do so many nice things for Klaus, while Klaus was really shooting up in your shared bathroom. You’re out here setting up something nice to celebrate Klaus’s sobriety, and he’s injecting heroin into his veins. It truly does make Ben sick. You lit the last candle, and when you reached up to remove your robe and reveal your lingerie- Ben disappeared. He isn't a pervert, he knew where this was going.

“Klaus?” You called nervously, smoothing your babydoll lace as you sat on the bed. You knew you wanted this, you were just nervous. When he emerged from the bathroom, his eyes widened as they landed on your nearly exposed breasts. He’d never seen you so naked before. Klaus swallowed a thick lump in his throat, and suddenly everything felt hotter, and tighter.

“Hey.” Is all he can say before an easy smile makes its way across his face.

“I just wanted to congratulate you on 1 month of sobriety.” You say softly with a smile, and then all the happiness drains away. Klaus feels sick to his stomach as guilt nearly brings him to his knees. You believe in him, and he’s pissing it all away. He wished he was stronger, but he isn’t. Klaus is weak and he isn’t worth it, and soon you’re going to realize that.

“You didn’t have to do this.” Klaus whispers and you shrug with a nervous smile on your face.

“You don’t like it?” You ask, your eyes widening. You’re really putting yourself out there and you can only hope he likes this. Klaus takes a step forward, his hands landing on your hips.

“No baby I do! I love this.” Klaus reassures you, and you feel your cheeks heat up when you see his eyes go wandering down your body. HIs lips lower to yours then and you feel like you’re up in the clouds. Klaus feels his heart breaking with every tender movement, every gentle brush of your fingers through his hair. It’s all he can do but to grab you and press you against his body with a bruising force. The desperation in his movements is what catches you off guard, his hands are hauling your thighs up around his waist. Normally Klaus isn’t this assertive in the bedroom, but he needs to feel your skin against his. He needs to know you’re here with him, because soon you won’t be. He knows that.

It’s not long before you’re undressed and your legs are spread open for him, and Klaus has no idea what he ever did to deserve you. Deep down he knows he doesn’t, you deserve someone like Ben. Maybe that’s why what Ben said really struck a nerve, because deep down Klaus knows if Ben were alive- you’d choose him. You’d never choose Klaus if he were being compared to Ben. Klaus grasps his cock in his hand before guiding the head into your tight opening, and when he pushes into you- it feels like absolute heaven. But there’s only one thought on Klaus’s mind, I don’t deserve this.

//

The second time you see Klaus overdose, it’s the morning after the best night of your life. It’s the morning after you sleep with him, the morning after you feel truly connected to him like you’re one. You stretched with a yawn, a smile on your face as your hand reaches over to where Klaus is sleeping next to you. When your hand finds cold sheets your eyes blink open, he’s already awake?

“Klaus?” You call softly, waiting for a response. When you don’t get one you finally drag yourself out of bed, you enter the living room. Again no sign of Klaus whatsoever. Panic creeps into your chest then, he’s just out getting coffee or something to surprise you. You bite nervously at your nails before you turn back to your room to push into the bathroom. The sight before you draws a gasp from you. Klaus is slumped against the wall, his arm still on the toilet with the tourniquet around his arm. The needle is on the lid of the toilet next to his arm, and you immediately rush towards him.

“What have you done?” You whisper desperately, reaching for the life alert you have in the bathroom. You have one in every room in your apartment, which at the time felt like overkill but now looking back on it you’re happy you did. You pull Klaus to lay on his back, yanking the tourniquet off his arm. You try to feel for a pulse, and much to your horror you don’t feel a pulse. You frantically press your ear to his chest, his heart isn’t beating.

“Oh my God Klaus!” You nearly scream in horror, balling your fist up and slamming it down on his chest as hard as you can. You continue to do this, tears cascading down your cheeks. He’s dead, his heart isn’t beating.

“Klaus, why? You said you were sober!” You scream in pure emotional agony. You hardly notice when the paramedics arrive until they pull you away from him.

“H-his heart isn’t beating. Please help him.” You beg as they rush him out of the apartment, but this time...you don’t go with him. You’ve finally reached the point all of Klaus’s siblings reached, the point where you just can’t take being let down anymore. You believe in him, you feel hopeful. Then you feel lower than low when you realize he relapsed again, you can’t do this anymore. You can’t take the let down anymore.

It’s a few days before you go see Klaus in the hospital, and you know what you have to do but you’re not sure you have the strength to do it. Klaus is sitting in bed, eating chocolate pudding, and this time he looks worse than last time. He glances up at you when you come in, and he has to do a double take.

“Baby-”

“Please don’t. I don’t want to hear your excuses, or your promises to get clean.” You interrupt, and it’s only just now that he notices a suitcase in your hand. There are tears endlessly falling down your cheeks, and inside you feel completely dead. Klaus knows what the suitcase is for, he knows that you’ve lost faith in him. Just like Ben predicted you would, but despite the fact that this is all Klaus’s fault...Ben still sits nearby with a look of sadness upon his face.

“What’s the suitcase for?” Klaus brings himself to ask the dreaded question even though he already knows the answer. You swallow a lump before depositing the suitcase on a chair at the end of his bed.

“That’s all your stuff. D-Don’t come back to my apartment. Don’t call. I can’t be with you like this.” You cry, watching as the broken look on your face crosses onto Klaus’s.

“Baby please don’t do this. Just give me another chance, I’ll stay clean this time-” But you’re already shaking your head, taking slow steps back towards the door.

“We’re over Klaus. I’m done. I can’t be terrified of finding your dead body, I can’t wonder where you are at night or where you’re going when you sneak out. I can’t live like this anymore, I don’t want to live like this.” You sob, your shoulders shaking as you cry softly.

“Please don’t give up on me, not you.” Klaus pleads, and the look in his eyes nearly makes you change your mind, But then you remember where he is, that he did this to himself. You shake your head.

“You’ve given me no choice Klaus! I can’t take it anymore, I can’t handle anymore heartbreak.” You snap, tears heavy on your cheeks.

“I can get my shit together, I can!” Klaus pleads as your hand finds the door handle. He can’t lose you, not you. Anybody but you.

“I know you can, but I can’t wait around wondering if you’ll get your shit together before you overdose and die. I can’t wait around hoping the latter will come first. Goodbye Klaus.” You open the door and step into the hallway.

“No, Y/N please. I love you.” You hear Klaus call before you’re closing the door behind you. Your heart shatters as you do, and continues to shatter as you walk away.

Despite what you said, he called. He called over and over again and even came to your apartment. You remember him knocking and begging you to open the door, you had slid down the wall sobbing softly with your hand over your mouth. You love Klaus more than you’ve ever loved anyone, but you can’t watch him die. You can’t. You had to let him go and hope that someday he gets clean, and that he stays clean. You hope that someday he finds something or someone to stay clean for. Clearly, you weren’t enough.

“Please open the door, I know you’re in there.” Klaus begs, leaning against the closed door.

“She’s crying. I don’t think she’s going to open the door.” Ben says, poking his head through the door to look at you. His heart breaks for you, he tried to warn Klaus this was going to happen.

“I love you Y/N, just give me one more chance please.” Klaus tries again but you stay rooted to the floor, your body shaking through the tears.

“You’re hurting her Klaus.” Ben says softly, and Klaus finally takes a step away from the door with a look of realization on his face. He is hurting you. You don’t want him here, and as much as that kills him it’s the truth. The longer he sits here in the hallway, the more you’re going to cry. He has to let you go. He quickly wipes away falling tears before slinging his bag over his shoulder. Klaus leans down to slide something under the door before heading back down the stairs, and this time he isn’t going to be coming back. You turn to see a piece of paper with a plastic bag sitting on your kitchen floor. You lift the bag, and inside it is a necklace. It’s a silver heart with diamonds along the side, but on the inside is a rose made out of rose gold. You feel tears drifting down your cheeks as you turn to the note.

“Happy 1 Year Anniversary. I love you. -K”

You collapse to the floor, clutching the necklace and the note to your chest tightly. You never thought you would lose him, actually you were stupid enough to believe you could save him from himself. But you can’t save him, you never could. No matter how much you love him, it’s time to let him go and you can only hope that the next time you see him isn’t at his funeral.

//

-9 Years Later-

The letter clutched in your hand was one you never thought you’d be receiving. It’s from Allison, saying that her father died so she’s in town. You can’t fight the excitement you feel upon realizing you’re probably going to see her soon. You missed her. The prospect of running into Klaus crosses your mind, but c’mon what are the chances he’ll even show up? His father locked him in a Mausoleum for most of his childhood, you know for a fact that Klaus has no love for Reginald. You’re surprised Allison is going, but then again Reginald always did his little “experiments” on Klaus. Never the others. Besides Vanya, he treated Klaus the absolute worst. So you seriously doubt Klaus will turn up, plus you’ll only be there for like 10 minutes to see Allison. That’s the only reason you’re standing here, knocking on the door.

“It’s been a while Miss Y/L/N.” Pogo says once the door opens. You smile upon seeing him and can’t help yourself as you stoop down to hug him tightly. You’ve really missed Pogo these last few years. But you had to forget all of this, push it to the back of your mind. Any reminder of Klaus would cause you to collapse into tears, so you couldn’t think about any of it. There were a few times you nearly asked Allison to use her powers to erase your relationship with Klaus from your head. There was a while where you felt like you couldn’t be happy without him, but overall you did fine.

“Oh my God! Y/N!” You hear her before you see her and before you’ve even properly turned around Allison’s arms are winding around you tightly. You feel tears burning the backs of your eyes as you hug her back, it’s so good to see her. When Allison pulls back, her eyes scan your face before flickering behind you.

“Where’s Klaus?” If it were a few years ago, the question would have sent you to your knees in tears. You shake your head with a smile.

“We broke up a few years ago.” The pain behind your eyes is unmistakable. Allison nods before her gaze is flickering down to the necklace secured around your neck.

“Then what’s that?” She lifts the necklace in her hand, the necklace Klaus had slid under your door.

“It’s just a necklace I don’t know what you-”

“I helped him pick it out Y/N. It was the last time I talked to him.” She said and you nod slowly. You hold the metal in your hands, you’ve been wearing it every day since he gave it to you. Clinging to it like it’s the last piece of him you have, which is sort of true. You stole a few t-shirts of his too.

“I was just about to poke around in my Dad’s office, wanna come?” The playful glint in her eyes sends away the tears that were about to spill over your cheeks. You nod instantly, that was the one room they were never allowed to go into. You skip up the stairs behind Allison, running your fingers along the bannister. You remember all the times you ran up these stairs with Allison, either running away from Reginald or Pogo. Or the times you’d gotten hurt and Grace was there to run her fingers through your hair and hold you to her chest, she really was the best mom. She was a mom to you too, your own parents are pieces of shit and the only person you ever really had was Grace.

“Wow, so weird being in here.” You say once you two breach the threshold into the office. It only takes a few seconds for you to hear someone rummaging around in the drawers. You doubt Luther could fit behind the desk without you seeing him so it’s not him, and you just saw Diego in the hallway. Vanya was downstairs last time you checked so that means…

“Klaus?” Allison says it first. Your heart is in your throat as he stands to his full height, which is a few inches taller than the last time you saw him. He has facial hair, he doesn’t look like a boy anymore. He’s really grown into himself, he’s still super skinny though. His fashion style has changed a lot since the last time you saw him. He’s almost sort of feminine now, and you’d be lying if you said he didn’t look hot as hell. His eyes light up upon seeing her, a wide smile stretched across his face. He hasn’t seen you yet, so you’re going to just sneak out. You turn and head for the door when you hear his voice.

“Y/N? That you?” You hear the happiness edging at the tone of his voice. You can’t bring yourself to turn around, you can’t look into his eyes and remember how much you’ve missed him. He’s probably still using and you can’t get sucked into his addiction again. You stay stock still, tears burning at the corner of your eyes as you see him come into your view. He uses two fingers to tilt your chin up, and when you look into his eyes- it’s all over. They’re the same hazel eyes that you remember, the same softness behind them. The tears trickle down your cheeks before you can stop them. You shove past him and out of the room just as Luther comes in, he lights up when he sees you but the look quickly falters when he sees the tears on your face. His gaze trails back to Klaus and then a look of realization finally reaches his eyes.

“You should go after her.” Ben suggests as he moves to sit on Reginald’s desk. Klaus doesn’t say anything as he empties his pockets of things he was planning to sell before Luther caught him.

“Klaus, you're like an open wound for her, fix it. I thought you loved her.” Ben snaps, and this time Klaus glares at him before storming out of the room.

“I do love her.” Klaus snaps back.

“So talk to her and stop being an idiot.” Ben says, and the anger in his eyes is unmistakable. Klaus groans, pressing the heel of his palms into his eyes.

“I don’t know what to say.”

“How about, ‘I’m sorry’?” Ben suggests sarcastically. Klaus rolls his eyes. Turning towards the railing of the stairs, Klaus spots you next to a giant window. You’re stood with your arms crossed, and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t happy to see you.

“Don’t think it’s going to be enough, but I’ll try.” Klaus says softly, looking into Ben’s eyes. Tucking the ornate box he stole from the office into his pants, Klaus makes his way towards you.

“Hey you.” Is all he says, but hearing him say those words with his voice, it’s almost too much. It sends you right back to the first time you saw Klaus overdosing, it’s what he said in the hospital room when he woke up. You push a smile onto your face through the tears.

“Hey.” You wipe away a falling tear as you turn to look at him, and you see his eye fixated on your neck. Klaus reaches up to touch the necklace, there’s a smile on his face.

“You’re wearing it.”

“I never took it off, since you gave it to me.” You admit softly. Klaus looks up to meet your eyes again, and you swear he’s wearing eyeliner. Why is that so hot? Why is him dressing sort of like a woman so damn sexy?

“So, I hate this small talk but how have you been?” Klaus asks, stuffing his hands in his pockets. You casually wipe away a few tears, pretending that neither of you know why you’re crying. Even though you both know you’re crying because of him, again. What kills you the most is that everything else about him looks different enough for you to convince yourself that it’s a different person. But his eyes are the same. The same soft, puppy like eyes and every time you look into them you see the broken look on his face when you broke up with him.

“Good. I’m good, you?” You and Klaus really did detest small talk, but when it comes to you two you need to take baby steps. Maybe you can be friends but you doubt it, either way you have to take it slow. Really slow.

“I’m great.” He says with a wide smile, you nod once before turning your gaze out the window again. There’s one question poking at your head, refusing to be ignored. So you lick your lips and slowly turn to him.

“Klaus?”

“Hm?”

“Did you have anywhere to go after I...I um-”

“After you kicked me out?” You don’t expect the words to sting so much when he says them, you don’t think he intended to say it bitterly but he did. You nod.

“No I didn’t, but I figured it out.” He says with a shrug. You feel guilty as you look back out the window, and that’s when you notice him inch closer to you.

“I’ve missed you Y/N.” He says softly, turning his body to face yours. You feel tears in your eyes again, you know what he’s doing.

“Don’t.” You say softly, but his arms reach on either side of you to grasp the railing behind you- effectively trapping you in place.

“I really missed you.” Klaus says sincerely, his lips ghosting over yours. It’s too much.

“Stop! We can’t do this again Klaus.” You gasp, shoving him away from you. Klaus’s eyebrows knit together, but you know he really isn’t surprised.

“Baby I’m different now, I won’t let you down again-”

“Really? Then what’s this?” You snap as tears drift down your face. You grasp the bracelet on his wrist, the bracelet from rehab next to the one from the emergency room. You see him shrink in on himself, knowing that he had in fact been caught.

“After all these years and you’re still using, and you overdosed again? Do you know how lucky you are to be alive? Dammit Klaus, I’m not getting pulled into this bullshit again. I can’t.” You yell, crying uncontrollably now.

“But I still love you, I’m so fucking in love with you.” Klaus pleads and you know he means it. The annoying part is that you love him too, there’s never going to be a time in your life that you’re not in love with Klaus. You shake your head, you really wished you could control your damn emotions. You turn to storm down the stairs when you feel his fingers gently close around your wrist.

“I know you love me, you wouldn’t wear that necklace if you didn’t.” Klaus says desperately, a look in his eyes you can’t quite place.

“Please Y/N, just kiss me. One more time, please.” Klaus pleads, and you close your eyes as you release a heavy breath. You grasp onto his shirt tightly before pulling his lips down to meet yours. Klaus sighs happily against your lips as his hands grasp tightly at your own shirt, pulling you as close to his body as you can get. Your lips move against each other, and you can already feel the heat rising. You moan against him when his hand slips between your legs on the outside of your jeans. You pull away from him as he presses his palm against your core.

“W-We can’t do this Klaus.” You gasp, your head tilting back as he grinds his hardening cock against you. He winds his arms around your waist, his lips finding the sweet spot just under your ear. You mewl softly, your hands grasping his shoulders tightly.

“Sure we can, you don’t want a relationship- fine. Doesn’t mean we can’t have a physical relationship.” He whispers, biting at your neck in a way that makes you feel like you’re melting. You sigh softly as his hand slides under your shirt and up your back.

“C’mon baby, let me make you feel good. Use me to get off. Please.” His filthy words send another wave of arousal through you. You look into his eyes and when you see the heat simmering in them, you know you can’t say no.

“God please make me cum Klaus.” You plead hoarsely, and his lips press against yours again. He hauls your legs around his waist as he takes a back hallway to his bedroom. He presses you against the wall outside of his bedroom, grinding his cock up against your core. His lips trail kisses from the corner of your mouth, all the way down the column of your throat. Your head tilts back and hits the wall, your entire body buzzing.

“Just please tell me, are you high right now?” You gasp, his hand toying with the button of your jeans. Klaus hums in thought.

“A little.” He admits, and it definitely bothers you, but you need to cum so damn badly that you don’t care too much. Klaus kicks the door shut behind him before dropping you onto the bed, his hands yanking your shirt over your head.

“Wait, is this my shirt?” He asks, lifting the fabric to inspect it.

“A memento, come here and kiss me.” You plead again, your bra joining his shirt not too long after. Klaus happily obliges, yanking his shirt over his head before his lips are on yours. Your hands find his scarf, which strangely looks good on him before pulling it from around his neck.

“Nice scarf.” You comment against his lips. Klaus’s tongue swiftly enters your mouth and you, honest to God whimper against his lips. No man has ever made you whimper before. Your hands reach down to unbutton his pants, and you begin to push them down his legs. Remarkably, Klaus has managed to keep the giant box tucked into his pants concealed, kicking it under the bed when you look down to help untangle the pants from his ankles. You help peel his pants off before you’re sliding onto the floor in front of him. You pump his cock in your hand a few times before you’re taking him down your throat. Klaus hisses as his head tosses back, and you have to admit that the way he looks sends heat between your legs. His arms holding himself up as his neck is exposed, his eyes squeezed shut, his chest heaving. He looks fucking beautiful. You lick a line up the underside of his cock, you still remember exactly what he likes. That’s honestly a little pathetic, but at this moment you couldn’t care less.

“Fuck baby I don’t remember you being so-” he’s cut off when you suck lightly, and he moans. “-being so good at this.”

He swallows thickly, daring himself to look down at you. The sight before him nearly makes him cum on the spot. You’re looking up at him through your lashes, there are tears in your eyes, and your mouth is stuffed full of his cock. He can see it bulging in your throat. You bob your head up and down his full length, but eventually Klaus yanks you off him by your hair.

“If you don’t stop I’m going to cum and I won’t get hard again.” He growls, pulling your lips against his. Klaus’s hands are quickly unbuttoning your jeans, his hands hooking into the waistband to push them down your legs along with your underwear.

“You’re too clothed.” He mumbles against your lips, you eagerly help him undress you. Klaus gently pushes you back against the mattress to lay underneath you, his hands pressed on either side of your head. His eyes are practically twinkling as he gazes down at you, and there’s a fond smile on his face as his fingers brush against the necklace once more.

“What?” You ask, your cheeks heating up from the look in his eyes.

“Nothing. Just...this is my happy place.” He says and you turn your head away when it starts to feel too emotional.

“This is just sex Klaus remember? We’re not getting back together.” You remind him, and you hate the crushed look in his eyes but he nods.

“Yeah, I remember.” He says softly, the head of his cock nudging at your entrance. You moan when you feel his tip sliding against your lips, and just that one sound has reignited the fire in Klaus’s eyes. He reaches down to grasp the base of his cock, watching with nearly sadistic eyes as he teases you by rubbing the head along your entrance.

“Don’t be an asshole.” You groan, your fingers curling around the sheets. Klaus leans down to press his lips against yours before he’s sliding into you in one languid thrust. Your breath catches in your throat as you wind your arms around his shoulders. You’re not as tight as Klaus was expecting, which can only mean one thing. You’ve had sex with somebody else, and deep down Klaus knows that he has no right to be upset about it. But he is, he’s really upset about it. He quickly sets a brutal pace, pinning your arms to the bed as he bites down softly on your lower lip. You wriggle one arm free so you can reach up and grasp tightly onto his neck, your fingers curled around his throat. Klaus’s eyes roll back as he continues to pump into you.

“Fuck I missed this.” Klaus groans, his other hand snaking between your bodies to toy with your clit. Klaus has slept with one other person since he was with you, but that was different. It was a man. To Klaus, sex with men is just as good as sex with women but nothing is as good as sex with you. There’s something about you that just makes his toes curl, that edges him a little higher. Maybe it’s because he’s helplessly in love with you, but who knows. Klaus knows he won’t last much longer, especially when you begin to clench around him. He missed being this close to you, feeling one with you. Feeling you. He missed it all, everything about you. He is going to get you back, Klaus has made it his goal to get clean. For you. He never wants to lose you again.

“I missed you,” You gasp, you can’t help it. You did miss him. More than you thought you would, and you thought that time would heal the wound but it didn’t. Actually, the more time that went on the more the wound seemed to open. Klaus continues to push into you roughly, the head of his cock hitting that sweet spot with every thrust. You hold his chest tightly to yours, your eyes squeezing shut when his fingers gently pinch your clit. The tidal wave breaks open then and you’re squeezing around him so tightly that it draws a strangled groan from him as you gush around him. You moan obscenely as you cum around him, your hands holding him tightly. Klaus gasps as he thrusts into you roughly before pulling out of you and instantly cumming all over your stomach.

“I needed that.” Klaus sighs happily, standing to clean your stomach off. You watch him toss the tissue in a trash can before reaching around for his clothes.

“Leaving?” You ask in disbelief, he won’t stay with you for a little bit? Klaus leans back over you before pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“Sorry baby, got an errand to run.” He says reaching under the bed to grab the box. Klaus slides the scarf around his neck once more, and when you see the box you know what he’s up to. He’s going to sell it for drug money. He tosses your clothes onto the bed before turning towards the door. Just before his hand tugs the door open, he turns towards you again.

“Be honest with me, do you still love me?” He asks and you bite down on your bottom lip.

“I still love you Klaus.” You admit, watching the small smile on his face.

“I love you too.” And before you know it, he’s out of the bedroom and closing the door behind him. It’s immediate that you should not have had sex with him, you should have said no but you couldn’t. Why?

Because Klaus is your addiction.

[ryssbelle]

Branching Timeline 3

Okay so before yall’s say anything I know I should be resting my wrist, I will, I was just really hype to get this part out, I took it easy and I had my brace on so dw, but I’ll take a bit of a break after this one lol, this one actually starts with writing, I don’t write very often anymore so this is like practice for me, any feedback is much appreciated!

The part after this may have more writing depending on whether or not I wanna do a certain boss, but we shall see, also I should say this now, this will jump around the timeline a bit to key moments in the story, it wont be completely linear so don’t be surprised if we go from skyview temple part 2 straight to fire sanctuary (that wont happen I don’t think but just be aware something akin to that could happen)  Again you can blame the brain rot on these two @attllhak and @tortilla-of-courage​ tho tortilla’s blog is currently cursed at the time of writing this so be wary lmao

Part 1_ Part 2_ Part 3_ Part 4 (You are here!)_Part 5 Oops I shouldn’t have promised! (occurs before parts 1-4)

_________ Zelda chugged her last remaining potion on her trek to the Skyview Temple, of course she could've just dumped them out but she wasn't one to waste money, (though thinking about it now drinking a bunch of potions unnecessarily was kind of a waste-).  She now held 3 empty bottles, save for one last red potion she planned to give to Link, just in case the water wasn't enough. She hoped she wouldn't need it herself, she didn't have the time to fly back up to Skyloft and retrieve another potion, she barely had time now just to complete her current quest.

The look on his face, scrunched up in pain, his cheeks flushed, and dripping with sweat.. the horrible image of her friend in so much pain was burned into her mind, fueling her every move and filling her with guilt which she shoved down deep trying to ignore. It was her fault he was in such terrible condition, if she had been paying attention, if she had pushed him out of the way!- 

She shook the thoughts from her head for the umpteenth time that day. It wasn't long before she found herself at the mouth of the temple, the cold, dark abyss beckoning her to step into its halls. She met its call with a steady sprint, sword drawn and ready to face whatever it decided to throw at her, she was prepared to tear down the sky if it meant getting to the spring faster. 

She wasn't expecting the insane amount of monsters which now roamed the temple halls, threatening to take her down, to slow her progress. Each creature was met with the full might of her blade, some weren't even worth her time, as she sped down the seemingly endless halls. It was crazy how much longer things seemed when you were in a hurry. 

Finally she'd made it back to the end of the Temple, back to where she'd fought Ghirahim, brushing back the memories she breathed a huge sigh of relief that the room was completely empty, the door opening for her like it had before and revealing quite possibly the most beautiful spring she'd ever seen, or maybe that was just the relief talking…

Zelda sent up a prayer to the goddess (even though she was practically praying to herself) as she scooped several bottles worth of the healing water, capping them tightly with a cork, making sure none of them had any leaks before beginning her hopefully shorter and smoother trek back. |

Warning, Injury Kind of 

[daredevilexchange]

Want to be featured here? Head to this page and fill in the form!

See what this is about here, or if you’re using the app here.

What’s your fannish ID? He6o or He6oart on most platforms, but I also sometimes go by "Carrot", or my actual name, 'Skye'. My screen name is said 'Nebo', and is Russian for sky, because languages are cool 👀 I picked it years ago and it was short and snappy enough so I kept it, even if it does invite confusion at times.

What types of fanworks do you create? Fanart of the digital and sometimes traditional variety! I have also written original works in the past and am working on an original comic, but haven't written for fandoms before.

What are your favourite types of fanworks, when you’re not creating? I am a voracious consumer of fanfic, lurking and enjoying from various fandoms and being terrible because I am always too nervous to comment T_T But to all the fanfic writers out there, I adore you! Thank you so much <3 I think you have collectively increased my reading speed by a ridiculous level XD Very helpful when going through dry academic papers.

What do you like in particular about this fandom? I'm practically brand new to this fandom as a creator, but I really enjoy fics with DD interacting with the defenders or the punisher. Or just anyone we haven't seen yet - avengers-with-daredevil fics are so cool! (Hopefully we'll see more with the recent MCU news! 👀) I'm generally not a shipper in any of my fandom interests but I will still read and enjoy good content regardless of my personal preferences for creating <3

Of course, I am here for Matt 😂 He's basically one of my all time favourite characters now, and he carved that spot out after I saw only a single episode…which I think is the fastest I've ever latched on to a character in my life.

Do you like participating in fan events? Absolutely! I'm a more active participant in the Final Fantasy fandom (particularly for FFXV) and have been a part of big bang (as an artist), along with contributing art and merch for several fanzines, modding several and running one of my own, all of which was a LOT of fun. Would be totally down for something like that in daredevil fandom too when I have a few more artworks behind me and am a bit more known!

I am also a regular con attendee, though not in the last couple of years, but hopefully again soon! I need to dust off my cosplay skills.

What about your creating process? I have basically been fused to a pair of headphones since I was 7 years old and do everything to a playlist. If I don't have music blasting away it's too easy to get distracted, so it's the best way for me to zone out and focus in on my work (favourites include mostly soundtracks, QOTSA, NIN, Coldplay, Garbage and Ladytron). Otherwise it's pretty straightforward…I tend to get an idea that wont leave, and just glue myself to my iPad until it's done, day and night. Usually culminating in me going to bed at 4am.

In terms of my creative history, I was an artistic kid but I stopped creating for a various number of reasons during college (I'm in the UK, so that's age 16-18) right up until I finished my undergraduate masters in 2016…and it wasn't until I started my PhD that I realised I needed a good stress outlet and picked it back up again…so given the time I lost, I've been trying to be productive with my time and hone my painting skills. My favourite sort of work is the old religious renaissance works so I really want to reach that level of artistry with understanding lighting and accomplishing realism, but keeping textures and brushstrokes. I'm working mostly digitally as it's definitely a cheaper way to learn, but if I can paint something amazing on canvas one day I'll be thrilled. I have a lot of influences, so sometimes I'll see a work by someone and get inspired to try a totally different colouring style, but my best works tend to come back to my strongest influence.

Do you interact a lot with other fans? In this fandom, I'm basically brand new, but I do a lot of interacting with FFXV fans. We're a small community that's only decreased in size as interest waned after the game's release, so it's pretty easy to sort of know everybody? I am always down for making new friends but tend to need a bit of a push as I often feel like I'm intruding on the cool kid's table when I branch into a new fandom XD My approach is to basically just make content and exist on the fringes waiting to get roped in. I'm a lot more active at talking to people on twitter though so feel free to poke me on there!

Is there any particular piece you'd like to showcase for this post? Probably the second of my Daredevil/Matt Murdock pin trio.

I designed this one and two others (Black outfit(s) and horned S2 outfit) as a set to make into acrylic pins, but I think I'm particularly proud of this one because it took me so long and went through so many revisions…I felt like I was more critical of this artwork than of anything I've done in the last year, including multiple zine pieces 😂

After I finished the first one with the S2 outfit (which was a fun experiment with textures) I was kind of impatient and raced into wanting to paint Matt with no costume, so I forwent any kind of face study and just started sketching and painting using the same palette from the first one, and wow did I have to redo it so much. This trio of DD pieces was both me learning how to draw/paint Charlie Cox, but also a test to see if I could consistently apply the same palette to multiple works of art despite my photo references being all over the place in terms of both colour and lighting. I think it was a success overall, and I learnt a lot from these pieces, including how much I really enjoy painting Charlie Cox 😂

Do you have other fandoms you'd like to talk about? Ah, I float around different circles but Final Fantasy is probably my home base of sorts. Mostly I am really into video games, so my interests lie there a lot (FF, Dragon Age, Mass Effect, Detroit Become Human etc). Tolkien's works are another big area of interest for me, but often my interests tend to lie in one-off areas because I am difficult to impress.

I tend to enjoy a wide range of things, and when I fall really hard for a character or series I am compelled to create. I think few characters inspire me enough to form the kind of attachment I have with daredevil now - the last one to do that was Ignis from FFXV, and just a quick skim through my past works will show that I absolutely put that passion into art (and buying merch - I think my bedroom can probably be described as 50% Ignis shrine at this point). What can I say, I love virtuous acrobatic characters with hidden depths, especially when there's a dichotomy to their personality 👀

Is there anything else you want to tell us about yourself? A bit about me, I suppose: I am from the UK and in my early 30s, a recent graduate with a PhD in Observational Astronomy, a threat to all coffee supplies everywhere and a huge fan of philosophy, architecture and politics/law. As a kid I was known for: breaking up fights on the playground, being "the artist" kid and wanting to know literally everything about anything (give me any subject and I will just fall into a pile of books). My academic history is a mess of contradictions because I had no idea what I wanted to do with myself at 16 and I was your stereotypical straight A student with options in everything XD

If there is a Starbucks within a mile of my location, I have probably been there (and bought a mug,). I one day hope to live in a big city because places like London, Tokyo and NYC are architecturally fascinating and 24 hour coffee shops are not a thing in my smaller city XD. I tend to keep a lot of my thoughts private and mostly I live on discord. And I am really into fashion and am as attached to my sunglasses as I am my headphones (though some of that is due to light sensitivity XD). My preferred pronouns are also They/Them, but I am pretty chill about it so no worries if you forget 🙌

I do post a lot of FF art, naturally, because my other love is Ignis. But I can see my hyperfixation on Matt is definitely going to lead to a bunch of art on that side - and I have a few sketch plans in mind for October prompts (probably doing those face studies I neglected too 🤔) So give me a follow if that doesn't bother you!

Also, I talk a lot! Definitely something to note (but you probably guessed that by now!)

Where can your fanworks be found? Twitter, tumblr and IG are where I post things (cross-posting mostly, though I am not particularly good at remembering instagram exists outside of being a place for me to appreciate other people's work 😂). I have a couple of storefronts but they're currently going through revisions, and I also forget to use tags too often 😓

Twitter - https://twitter.com/He6o Instagram - https://instagram.com/he6oart Tumblr - https://he6o.tumblr.com Patreon - https://patreon.com/he6o

Or everything all in one place! https://he6o.carrd.com/

Thank you, @he6o !

banner by @context-is-for-kingpins !

[writingabouteverything]

The Perfect White Flower--and Other Nonexistent Things

a/n YALL THIS IS PROBABLY DUMB BUT I HAD THIS IDEA ABOUT A HARRY STYLES X READER FIC THATS BASED ON THE PLOT OF JANE THE VIRGIN AND I WANTED TO WRITE IT SO BADLY I MADE THIS ACCOUNT

disclaimer--wont follow the show exactly 

Pairing: Harry Styles x latina! reader (a key factor of the show revolves around the lead being latina, and im latina and honestly love writing for us but anyone can still read and understand/hopefully enjoy and the fic doesn’t involve any physical descriptions:)) 

Series Summary: Y/n l/n has had the world figured out since she was a child. She won’t be a writer because it’s risky, she’ll just focus on school and becoming a teacher. She’s never been a child, because her mother had her at sixteen and hasn’t aged a single year since. That’s part of the reason the promise she made to her grandmother means so much to her--if she doesn’t have sex before marriage, her child will never have to grow up as quickly as she did. And Harry Styles is at the top of the world--his music has never been more successful, he has a lovely girlfriend, and he’s never been more in demand. He has everything in the world...except a child, and through a series of unbelievable events--y/n might be his only chance to have one. Ever. 

Chapter One Summary: Who knew getting a pap smear on two hours of sleep and three cups of coffee was as bad as having unprotected sex? 

There’s something dangerous about taking public transportation in LA. And no, I don’t mean it in the ‘there are bad people in the world’ type of way. I mean it in the ‘I live in one of the casual influencer, celebrity, tourist hubs of the world and each time I step onto the bus I find myself mesmerized by all the stories I see in them’ way. Kind of pathetic, I know, but sometimes a child with blonde pig tails or a woman streaming on instagram live will catch my eye and the urge to pull out my lap top and start something I’ll never finish. 

I know that writing isn’t some kind of disease. But I can’t let myself fall in love with it the way I want to. There’s nothing wrong with writing a short story or two, but trying to write a novel? That’s impractical. It will distract me from school, from the four year plan I’m almost done with.

Sighing, I brave taking at my surroundings. I deserve this today, after the anonymous, rude costumer at the hotel today, I need positivity. No one is particularly inspiring. The bus stops and I watch out the window. At first the crowd is ordinary, and then i see them...paparazzi. Flashing cameras from all angles, grown men violating all rules of personal space. It never sits right with me, but I guess it’s just part of living in LA. The bus starts moving again. When it stops again, I see even more paparazzis, but their cameras aren’t flashing. Good for whoever escaped that. 

The bus door opens and I snap my attention back to my computer screen. I rub my eyes as I stare at my word document. How is there more that needs to be edited? This professor is the harshest grader I’ve ever had, and my friend, Gisa, is kind for giving me even more notes. But I’m exhausted. Two tests and an essay due before 12:00. And it’s...11:38. Great--I have to upload it the second I’m at my doctor’s office and have WiFi again. 

I spend some time highlighting and rewording sentences, and once I’m done I reward myself with more people watching because I deserve it and I can’t fall asleep here. I’m kind of invested in the girl live streaming her bus ride...maybe she’ll say her instagram handle. 

But when I look up, she’s not on the bus anymore. Almost no one is. An elderly couple is sitting towards the back. A woman with a toddler sit two rows in front of me...and there’s now a man directly across from me. I blink for a moment, imagining a story for someone who’s face I can’t quite see beneath such dark sun glasses. His dark waves and strong jaw do most of the imagining for me--he deserves a mystery, a dramatic one with a happy ending and just enough romance to keep the people interested. A good romance, too--not too sappy. Enemies to lovers, maybe. A mysterious stranger that’s not really a stranger because something about him is just...familiar. 

He turns his head and I drop my gaze immediately. There’s no doubt he caught that, but I still pretend to edit the title of my essay. “You’ve been typing stubbornly since I first got on the bus.” There’s an accent--of course he’s english. But it’s more than that, I’ve heard that voice before. I’ve been...soothed by it. And--oh my god, I’m sitting across from Harry Styles.

Okay, don’t freak out. Don’t freak him out. He’s probably on here to escape the the whole ‘oh my god, you’re Harry Styles!’ thing.  

“What are you writing?” Harry Styles just spoke to me. I greeted my one direction poster every single day in middle school, and Harry Styles just spoke to me. Okay--relax, breathe--it’s only weird if you make it weird. 

There’s a kind of curt curiosity to his question. He could have been ruder, considering how blatantly I was staring at him. “I um...an essay.” I’m temped to turn the screen so that he can see I’m telling the truth. Though he wasn’t hostile, a part of me is paranoid that he thinks I am writing about him. It’s a fair assumption, for all he knows I’m drafting a tweet about who I saw on the bus this morning or preparing to send something in to some gossip girl-esque blog. “It’s due today at noon and normally I’m way more on top of things, but I had this last minute doctor’s appointment rescheduling because my usual doctor is out of town and--” I cut myself off before I can tell Harry Styles that I’m ovulating and that if I don’t go to my OBGYN now, I have to wait an entire month and I’ve already been off birth control longer than I’d like. I might not have actual sex in my near future, but my cramps have been extra terrible. “An essay, I just finished an essay.”

He nods once. Maybe he feels bad for so thoroughly startling me into such a rambling, because the corner of his mouth tilts upwards. A soft smile adds even more grace to his features, I focus on the dimple that appears in his cheek. “An aggravating essay, I take it, considering the death glares you’ve been giving your laptop screen.”

I smile at his polite humor. “It’s for the harshest grader on campus. She took three points off of my first essay freshman year because I spaced my bibliography wrong.” 

He cringes in sympathy. “Good luck.” 

“Thanks,” I hum, proud of myself for not letting him know that I know who he is. The bus stops, I can see my doctor’s office behind a few paparazzi. “This is my stop.” 

Harry nods once, ducking his head slightly. A tiny part of me feels sympathy for him; from what I’ve gathered, he genuinely loves his fans and the relationship they have, but it must be draining to never have a moment of privacy. Especially when it’s people who care more about selling your picture than your mental health. 

I linger on the bus’s step, watching the men with large cameras look around. “Excuse me, are you guys looking for Harry Styles?” Most of the men disregard me, but one looks at me. “I know he’s near here because I’m a really big fan and my friend just texted that she saw him.” This gets me the attention I wanted. “He’s at Northfield--a cafe like three blocks down. I just know that if she got a picture with Harry in like a magazine or something she’d totally lose it--in a good way, and she’s been having a bad time so if you see her can you try to make it happen? Knowing her she’ll be at his side, she’s blonde, shortish hair.” 

The men seem skeptical, but I guess they realize that this is the best lead they have. I think the fact that I gave a reason to justify selling Harry out for no reason helped. They disperse together, heading at least three blocks away from Harry. I don’t know if I’ve actually helped him, but I hope I have. 

“Essay girl.” I freeze, half cringing. Did he hear that? That’s embarrassing. I consider darting away, but decide that would just make me cringe more. So I turn on my heels. “You...you forgot your phone.” 

He just saved my life. “Thank you.” I take my phone from his outstretched hand, ignoring the slight thrill that runs through me when our fingers brush. “You’re my hero--the last thing I needed today was to run all over the city searching for my phone.” I finish the awkward admission with a partial laugh. 

“Least I could do,” he mumbles, “especially considering what you just did.” 

...He did see that. “Oh um--it was nothing, I just kind of made a connection and assumed the only reason you’d be on a public bus is because you were trying to avoid some things, and you make really great music and a lot of people happy, so you deserve that break.” Why does it feel like I’ve been talking forever? “Anyways, thanks for the whole phone thing, and I hope I got them off your tail.” 

My joke seems to somewhat land. His lips part, like he’s planning on saying something else. A timer on my phone interrupts him. I instinctually look down--great, the alarm on my phone warning me that I’m only ten minutes away from being late. “I’m late.” I turn towards the bus’s exit. “I gotta go, but thanks again, and I hope you have a good day.” 

I disappear after that, still not sure that that whole thing wasn’t some kind of hallucination. Did I just meet Harry Styles? He...he gave me my phone. Harry Styles has touched my phone. I can’t wait to tell Gisa, she’ll lose it.

I’m still thinking about Harry Styles when I finally reach my OBGYN’s office. When I get there, things are a lot more hectic than I thought they’d be. Many people crowd the waiting area and the receptionist’s desk is clearly understaffed. Two young girls are trying to address multiple upset pregnant women and take phone calls at the same time, all while practically buried in a sea pf paperwork. Wow, I didn’t realize that transferring was such chaos. One of the girls waves me over and barely checks my name before shoving a form towards me. I fill out as quickly as possible. 

 I upload my essay quickly after checking in. Who knows, maybe Harry Styles’s blessing will get me an A? A third person in scrubs emerges from the back after a moment and ushers me into a room. I tell myself to focus on going over the facts I need for the test I have to take in a little over an hour. Or to focus on the fact that I just met Harry Styles. But instead, I feel my heavy eyelids fall shut. 

I don’t know how long I sleep, but I know that I wake up during the middle of a doctor’s sentence, “...I know I’m not your usual, so I just want to make sure you’re comfortable.” 

“Hm...Yeah, yeah I’m comfortable.” She nods once, her wide eyes slightly red. “But I do have a class today in like an hour, so I was wondering if this was going to take longer because of the office’s move?” 

“Oh, no,” she shakes her head. “Just because Dr. Rodriguez gave us no notice before deciding that she no longer wanted to work here...or in the country. Or even live in the US, despite the fact that we just signed a lease on a place together...” Tears well in the stranger’s eyes, pity settles in my stomach. 

“That sounds incredibly complicated, I didn’t mean to rush you.” 

She blinks twice, her expression blanking as she fights against the pain of what’s clearly a terrible break up. “No, no--you have every right. Today is your day and if..honestly, if you’re strong enough to go to a class after this, and do what you’re about to do by yourself, then I’m strong enough to get through today.” 

Um...didn’t realize a pap smear counted as something that needs moral support, but I’ll chalk it up to her heightened emotions. “Thanks.” 

She snaps on her medical gloves. “No, thank you for your patience. Now lay down.” 

I do as told, preparing for a sensation I haven’t often experienced. A moment passes and I know she’s started. She’s moving away from me much faster than expected. Oh--I guess pap smears are a lot shorter than I expected. 

“That’s it?” 

“Yep,” she hums, pulling her gloves off. “Now just take it easy, and hydrate.”

Weird...but that’s like general doctor advice. “Thanks!” 

--

I’ve never wanted to keep a secret from Gisa, but sometimes I really regret telling her I met Harry Styles. It’s been almost a month and I find my mind wandering back to the moment in which our fingers brushed more than I should. Sometimes I let myself wonder what he might have said if my phone hadn’t rang. I was probably just imagining the way his lips parted, but my ind refuses to let it go. 

“...You know it’s kind of sad, I read an interview in which he spoke about the fact that he has some genetic condition that makes it hard to have kids. He has so many godchildren, and I feel like he’d make such a great father.” 

I try to keep up with Gisa’s words, but the dull ache in my head makes it feel so far away. “Yeah...he seemed really patient.” 

Gisa nods, turning to face me. “You alright, you’re looking kinda green?” 

“Yeah...” I reach for my canvas bag. “I think I just...I probably just need some water.” 

My hand grazes the metal of my water bottle and then the corners of my vision blur into blackness. I sway, Gisa’s hand is on my shoulder...and then it all goes black. 

--

I sit uncomfortably on the hospital’s cot. Gisa is a traitor for telling my mom that I fainted. I knew she’d just drag me here--hispanic mothers, they either believe they can cure you with vic’s vapor rub or they want you in the ER. No in between. 

“I know you didn’t want another test, but you’ve been throwing up in the morning for days and now you’re fainting.” 

“Fainted,” I correct, “it happened once.” 

“C’mon, mija, it’s just one doctor’s appointment.” 

Speaking of, an ER nurse returns. “Fainting and nausea spells explained,” he says, glancing at his clipboard, “you’re pregnant.” 

My mom and I can’t help but exchange a look before bursting into laughter. Pregnant. If I’m pregnant then the second coming is here. “That’s impossible, I’m a virgin.” 

He glances at my mom, “maybe we should have this conversation in private.” 

“No, what you say in front of me you can say in front of my mom.” 

My mom raises an eyebrow. “Y/n, did you and that guy from your english class--” 

“No! No, we did not. I am a virgin and there’s no way I’m pregnant.” I glare at the nurse. 

He then ushers me to a bathroom so that I can provide a urine sample. After I’m finished, he shows me a pregnancy test strip. “Pink means pregnant.” I bite my tongue as he tests the strip in my sample. He pulls it out and it’s...it’s bright pink.

“I’m calling my doctor, because this has to be a mistake. It has to be like a hormonal thing.” 

“Exactly, pregnancy hormones.” 

I glare even harder, calling the doctor that I saw last week. “Hello, Dr. Ash? I was wondering if I could get a consultation because I’m in the ER and some crazy doctor is trying to tell me I’m pregnant.” 

Silence on the line for a long second. “...I actually cleared my calendar for you.”