#hopefully this year won’t be as bad
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Here’s to everyone who’s lost their mother and missing them dearly this Mother’s Day 💜 I love you and you are not alone 💜💜
#missing her really bad today#we’re going to the powwow for her even though it’s gonna be hot and miserable#last year I saw the ghost of her everywhere we went#hopefully this year won’t be as bad#x:ix
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Loved the ending of fhjy but I definitely feel like there were some loose ends and plot points that I do want closure for. Does Fig still owe her last record label money for not putting out her sophomore album in time? Is Gorgugs house/soil still infected? What was the relevance to his tree being a warden? The timeline inconsistencies between the 7 and this season with Zelda? I’m sure there’s more O: I need like a 4 hour long adventuring party immediately.
#fhjy#dimension 20#fantasy high junior year#i think they were setting a lot of stuff up for senior year so hopefully confirmed#like how Ruvina was involved with bringing winter to Fallinel#on behalf of wolfsong#unrelated but narratively I understand Figs arc coming to a close#but as a Fig enjoyer I don’t want to lose her#like I was really disappointed with Emily’s 2nd char in ACOC personally#any new addition to the party just won’t hit the same bc they won’t be an original bad kid#unless fig is just still there and has perfect attendance in every class despite not being a student of the school#this would also be very on brand for her
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the 14 year old edgelord in me keeps trying to compose deep poetry about coming to after dissociating. calm down babes. we’re all good here.
#blue chatter#just. the experience of blinking into existence becoming associated with ice in my mouth#and how it’s becoming a pattern that the first visual thing I process is a hand in front of my face#At least that I remember. I’m sure other stuff happens but my memory is unsurprisingly v blurry after#I feel bad for making my roommate take care of me so often#but I super cannot control when I dissociate#and I do genuinely need the help#bc today I was home alone and it took a loooooot longer to break out of the blurry stage#I somehow didn’t think to get ice about it until I was in the middle of the grocery store an hour after the episode had ended#I want to be more independent about this so people don’t have to take care of me all the time#it is relieving to know that I can live with friends after grad school#so *someone* can be around usually if something goes wrong and I’m not cognizant enough to help myself#but I don’t wanna make them feel like they have to help me or put that on them#or like. freak out their kids. their kids are not raised remotely like I was and they’re rly young so they don’t rly understand this.#how do you explain trauma to a three year old whose parents are incredibly good at gentle parenting#idk. I’ll figure it out. hopefully with time and therapy I’ll be able to process my trauma enough that I won’t be like this forever.#I don’t wanna be like this forever.#I want to go to grad school and start practicing in clinical psychology and help people#and be independent and be able to support my friends instead of the other way around
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the body positivity movement as it is fucking sucks and it’s because it went from uplifting fat (and disabled) people and learnign to love yourself through the oppression these people face to thin people using the hot new buzzword to echo chamber-style reassure one another of their own thinness because It’s Okay Becky you’re not Fat! Fat is the Big Bad, but don’t worry Becky! which misses the point to such an absurd degree and is so blatantly offensive to the people that the movement was literally made for
#☆ mafuyu.zip#mafuyu’s bitching posts#tw fatphobia#this is partially about that “victoria’s secret” song that blew up a couple years ago#because that’s not body positivity.#it’s just thin people going and saying to one another “oh it’s okay! you’re not Actually Fat 🥺 it’s just the Evil Photoshopped Models!”#instead of acknowledging their own biases about fatness and thinking about why being Actually Fat is a bad thing to them#i’m not fat but i will defend fat people and the body positivity movement forever because being able to accept my body as it was#brought me out of a horrible spiral and i will be forever grateful for that#and i’m so sick of thin people taking the words “body positivity” and reinforcing those tired ideas of wanting to be reassured#that they’re not fat#maybe this is too harsh a post for 11:15 pm but i needed to sqy this so badly#i’ll hopefully revise it in the morning (no i won’t)
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just got a text from the hr department that my boss wants to talk to me tomorrow 🙃
#we’ve had a wave of resignations and now he apparently wants to know how i’m doing#clearly he just wants to know if i’m gonna stay lol#and i’ve been wanting to quit for months i’m only staying until my scholarship contract expires bc i don’t want to pay the money back#if it wasn’t for the scholarship i would’ve been out of there a long time ago the working hours are brutal and the pay is laughable#apparently he offered 2 other colleagues more money to stay i wonder if he’ll do the same for me…#i know i’m gonna be so nervous tomorrow but this is a good opportunity to tell him everything that’s been on my mind for so long#even though i know it probably won’t change much at least i’ll know that i spoke my truth and stood up for myself#people who’ve worked here for over 15 years have quit recently that’s how bad things are atm#i deserve better i just need to pull through these last 5 months of the contract#hopefully i’ll be able to find a better job bc i’m tired of these long hours and not having proper weekends i barely have any free time#i have to work 4 (FOUR!!!) saturdays in a row rn 💀🔫🤡🫠🕳️🚶🏼♀️#☁️
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well, making the transition to (hopefully) more pleasant microblogging spaces, so if you’re on bluesky or threads let me know and i will follow you. you can find me as stumpymatic on both ❤︎
#i am staying here!!!!#i have no one to follow on either. threads i follow fob and tumblr. blueksky i follow cats of yore lol#this is just to hopefully help me replace twitter#i’ve had the same twitter account for 15 years. been on the site probably 16.#i have so many wonderful memories there that as bad as people want everyone to delete their accounts#i cant. i was there before musk i will keep my account until he drives the platform into the ground#or someone less evil buys it out#babble post#i honestly won’t post much if any i just like scrolling and looking for things that make me smile and laugh
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Itchy nose :(
#annual autumn cold here we come#hopefully it won’t be too bad#and if it at least this year I’ll be able to relax with heating#cuz last year it was awful#lulu blogs
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.
#just here to schedule some posts#but I’ll probably stay logged off after that until at least New Years#fandom is just very bad for me rn#I hope this doesn’t look like a flounce I’m just bad at not over sharing#I’ll probably be back but idk when#I’m just so drained and I will stop there#but thank you for the love and attention for my fic this year!!!#it’s so much more than I deserve 💜💜💜#and I’m sorry for a lot of things lol but I won’t get into it#just thank you and hopefully see you all in 2024!!!#misc#vent#negative#(partially)#tbd
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Sier? I haven’t even met her! Laugh.
#keese draws#oc art#oc#ocs#eternal gales#today has been a shit day but Im feeling a bit better now that I’ve drawn sier#long story short one of my friends is being harassed by their ex#so I’ve been in a blinding rage all day and combined with me not getting enough sleep and cleaning all day today quite sucked#but hey. I drew sier and made them a new mini ref so that’s gotta count for something#but yeah sier my beloved I’ve been thinking abt them all day they’re just so cute and I love drawing them#I forgive them for being a human character they’re silly and have shapes#I now have only 4 eg refs to go I think? which is honestly a lot closer than I thought I was I thought this was gonna be another year of#last minute refs for artfight and some that don’t get remade but honestly this is super doable#rly the only big problem is going to be fydd since it’s been so long since I’ve drawn him properly#the other three are just dodie tali and bloom which shouldn’t be too bad at all#now idk if the icons are happening but it’s definitely feeling a lot more doable now so idk maybe I’ll get to some of them#key word maybe I make no promises#thankfully I don’t rly have any other ocs that I feel pressed to make new refs for so I can take it easy leading up to artfight this year#I’d like to get some of them icons but that’s not necessary#hopefully sier will get drawn this year she hasn’t been attacked since her old design from years ago lol#but sier is also a character I’ve gotten other pieces of art of over the years so I won’t be heartbroken if they keep getting ignored lol#I don’t rly know who I’d like to see attacked most tbh#obviously I’m always happy to see art of any of my ocs but usually I do have a preference#so Im excited to see who gets attacked even if it’s only a few of them#I’m willing to bet teke will get at least one attack I believe in him#hopefully teka gets drawn too I love her dearly as well#anyways shower time and then sleep time gn gamers
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Twitter just sucks
☹️
#12k likes on a tweet saying Dream was a bad person even if the allegations are false#soley bc he was mean to people harassing and spreading misinfo and bad faith claims about him#like excuse me?? you have no fucking clue what it’s like to be in his shoes right now#and you’ll never have to consider it either bc it won’t happen to you!!!#a year of harassment and threats over something you didn’t do will take a huge toll on your mental health this is common sense#nobody is in a place to judge#just fuck then fuck all of them victim blaming pieces of shit#acting as if they would act any differently in his shoes#I’m so upset like genuinely Dream deserves sm better twitter users are fucking evil#‘he’s making a fool out of himself’#is he just supposed to be peace love and plants about people spreading lies about him??????? hello??#what kind of insane standard is this?#I need them gone#sorry vent in tags but hopefully it will be the last bc I’ve deleted twitter so#asks#negativity
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Fanny, my sweet, beautiful girl
17.11.2012 – 14.04.2019
#my art#artists on tumblr#I cannot accept that it has been 5 years already#I know covid messed with everyone’s sense of time but it simultaneously feels so much longer and so much shorter than that#exactly five years ago I was holding onto my mom for dear life and sobbing as we watched lilo and stitch together#not the best movie to watch when you’ve just lost your first ever pet you know#and then I cried myself to sleep at the next morning we never mentioned her again#I know it’s because it was way too painful for everyone involved. but I do wish I was allowed to process that grief properly#instead of bottling it up and pretending everything was okay until I was reminded of her#feeling like my heart was being shattered over and over again every single time#well anyway. enough of that. I’ve allowed myself a nice long cry today and got most of it out of my system#and once I was feeling okay I decided to draw her#and I can count the number of times I’ve drawn animals on one hand so.. I’m not too sure about the result#but it felt like to commemorate her in some way.#so yeah. here she is. my dear girl. the best dog in existence. she was always so affectionate and kind#which I didn’t always appreciate bc of how young I was. when you’re a kid it feels like pets will live forever#never barked. never bit anyone. her only crime was chewing on my mlp and lps toys that I left out on the floor#but I’m grateful she did that. it taught me not to leave my toys lying around and to clean up after myself#she really was taken from me way too soon. ideally she could still be alive right now. but I’ve been down the road of guilt and regret#there was nothing I could do. I was a child. I can only hope that she knew she was loved right until the very end#even if I didn’t know how to show it properly. and great. now I’m tearing up again#I suppose it’s unavoidable. April 12th will always be a melancholy day. and maybe that’s not such a bad thing#it’s good to have a day when I can freely remember her and cry if I need to. it’s healthy. it’s better than crying every day#she never liked it much when I cried. always tried to comfort me. that’s the kind of dog she was. I miss her so much#when I move apartments and get a dog of my own I’m getting a spaniel. just like she was#well. maybe a different colour so I don’t end up sobbing every time I look at it. but spaniels really are the perfect breed#I mean. cavaliers especially were bred for love and warmth. that’s just what I need. it will be nice to have someone waiting for me at home#and while I don’t necessarily believe in the afterlife… I do hope that Fanny’s watching over me#spiritually comforting me when I feel all alone in the world. it’s a nice thought for sure#and hopefully she won’t mind me getting another spaniel too much. it will be done in her honour after all. to make up for my past mistakes
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no thoughts head empty only kaeya 3.8 free skin and finally a hangout event for him
#kayleigh.txt#down bad horrendous even though i’m sick of genshin and taking a break after 3.8 lmao#i will be taking a break from genshin to focus on hsr / eso / skyrim tbqh#at least until ayato and/or albedo get another rerun which won’t be for a very long time apparently#but fortunately kaeya is still my number one blorbo#it has been over a year and i may have cooled on genshin but i sure haven’t cooled on him (pun intended)#(tbh i am terrified that someday soon i will but i very much hope not)#ANYWAYS i am gonna have a snack and then hopefully pass tf out asap bc i gtg to work tomorrow#weekend shifts are my favorite shifts
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Going to join a pyramid scheme to achieve that extra enrichment. Get that brain stimulated.
#talkingcore#my cousin was in one with like cutco knives now he has a 7 year old child and my dad won’t talk to him (these things are not related)#successfully avoided having to do any coding for the evil group project by being so handsome and charming (I said I would write words)#it is so pretty outside I need to become one with the sun. yay warm. but not evil warm (hot)#once it gets hot I Am going to kill the sun but for right now it’s nice and people are actually outside it’s cute#forgot it when I was on my Kenny Chesney enjoyment/fail rage train but outta here is fun he wants to be John Mayer soooooo bad#going to go on the best hot girl walk ever then promptly (hopefully) find the inspiration to most accurately make pip a twitch streamer
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hghghhh i did a bunch of shit today i’m tired. art stores are fun to look around in though
#i went to go get a physical then got bloodwork (dominant hand :[ gonna be a pain to do shit) then i went to two art stores#i finally used some art store gift cards i was given as gifts#buying stuff without using my money is great i love this and also i feel sick at making impulse purchases for shit i know i won’t use#i got some clay and some armature wire which i WILL use even if it kills me i want to dabble in sculpting#but instead of getting tools. which i need. i got a watercolour painting set. and i know in my heart i will not use it more than once#i thought ‘surely the other store i have a gift card for will have some sculpture tools right?’ and IT DIDNT#so i got a plastic skull cause thats a logical conclusion#i knowwwwwwww this is overall a W#i finally used this gift card i’ve had for a year and started using one i just got#and i only paid 1 single dollar of my own money. 98 cents i gave a loonie. one coin i spent. i could recoup that by looking under the couch#BUT NOW I HAVE MORE SHIT THAT WILL STARE AT ME AS I TRY TO SLEEP#IM SORRY ACRYLICS IM SORRY CANVASES IM SORRY BRAND NEW WATERCOLOUR KIT#IM A DIGITAL ARTIST I HATE WORKING IN PHYSICAL MEDIUMS BUT THEYRE SO ALLURING!!!!#the other day i got suddenly inspired#i finally used some shitty clay that i’ve had for years. and it was really extremely shitty to the point that i couldn’t work with it#and attempted to make a shitty figurine. but it’s shitty and the modeling materal is shitty and it sucks real bad#but making the armature with the too thick wire i had was fun and the idea of sculpting is fun so i want to give it a chance#so i got (hopefully) better clay that’s actually clay and wire#and i’ll learn how to actually make an armature#and try real hard#probably. hopefully.#aaaaaaaaaaaaa fuck it we ball fuck it we ball fuck it we ball#the least i can do is try!!!!!!
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I feel like I don’t say it enough, but thank you to those of who take the time to check in on me and take an interest in my interests. It means a whole lot, especially since I’ve been so low on spoons the past several months.
#flamey's personal crap#I haven’t been this stressed in years#but hopefully things will start to calm down now that my winter grad class is ending#I’m taking a smaller class in the spring#so hopefully it won’t be too bad
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bro I don’t wanna go to class tomorrow. I think I’m gonna skip
#they both post their slides it’ll probably be fine#I still gotta go up to campus for work tho :/#hell world. I cannot wait for this semester to be over#only a couple more weeks and then it’s exam period#and I only have two exams so hopefully that won’t be too bad (one of them is online open book and by a prof who loves to spoil his exams#so really I only have one that I actually have to worry about)#and it’ll be April so I’ll have shit like the set it off show to look forward to at that point#and uhhhh what else do I got going on#I ordered a piece of merch I’ve been wanting for years(?) off of eBay? That’s supposed to arrive in April ig#it’s one of kurtis conner’s please be nice to me it’s the law sweaters#and I’ve been obsessed with them since they dropped but didn’t buy one#but today I found one on eBay for a really decent price so I decided that I was gonna go for it#Maybe a little too excited for that to arrive#I just love to the design it’s so iconic
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