#hopefully this makes even 2% sense it is very hard to explain but it makes twitch very fun for me to write

[capn-twitchery]

twitch seems like they're really good at hiding their real feelings til you realise it's bc they genuinely don't care about so many things. it's really hard for them to get Really invested in most things, too much going on in their brain. it's easy to have a good poker face when you're just in the poker game for funsies with zero stakes and the win doesn't matter to you

the minute they actually have feelings about something they cannot hide a goddamn thing no matter how hard they try. they've only existed like 6 years they don't know what to do with big feelings and they hate it

[stylesloveclub]

sunshine (part 2)

In which Harry's a little bit nicer, and y/n is very excited to possibly, hopefully, maybe be kissed.

sunshine (part 1)

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Y/n’s apartment is filled with a bunch of people she doesn’t know. Maddie has a bunch of people over – not really a party, but a fairly large gathering. A few of her school friends, a couple of her co-workers…. nobody that y/n is really close with, though. 

That’s why she locked herself in her room, away from the music and the stuffy, smoke-filled air. She said her polite hello and everything, of course! But… she just wasn’t in the mood to hang out with Maddie’s friends. They weren’t really y/n’s type of people, and the smell of weed is giving her a terrible headache. 

She bunches up her hair in her fists as she stares at the math problem in front of her. She had been able to do integrals just fine with Harry, but when you add trig into the equation? She’s thoroughly fucked. Not even The Organic Chemistry Tutor could help her work through this problem. 

A knock on her door makes her jump. “Come in,” she says politely, though her brows are still furrowed grumpily as she stares at the calculus in front of her. 

“S’this room taken?” a deep voice murmurs. 

She whips her head around, heart fluttering excitedly in her chest. “Harry,” she says softly. “What are you doing here?”

“Maddie invited Blake,” he says, sitting down on her bed. “And Blake invited me.” 

Oh. She should’ve known. 

She rolls away from her desk and faces Harry, who’s making himself more than comfortable on her bed, laying down with his head on her pillow. “Smells like shit out there,” he grunts. 

“Yeah,” she shrugs. She’s accepted that her apartment will always reek of weed, no matter how hard she tries to get rid of the smell. “Did you smoke anything with them?” she asks. 

“No, not in the mood.” Honestly, the only reason he decided to come over with Blake was because he knew that he’d be able to go chill in y/n’s room. Hanging out in Maddie’s smelly apartment was the last thing he wanted to do on a Thursday night, but… he knew y/n would be there, sitting quietly in her room like the good girl she is. “Did you?”

“No.” She fiddles with her fingers. “I– I don’t smoke.”

He snorts. “You don’t smoke but you live with Maddie?” Maddie cannot survive two seconds without her vape. “That doesn’t make sense.” 

“The smell of it gives me a headache,” she tries to explain. 

“Your apartment literally always smells like weed,” he deadpans. 

She blinks. “Yeah…” she trails off quietly. “If I close my door though the smell isn’t that bad.”

Harry rolls his eyes. “What are you working on?” he asks, pointing to the textbook sitting on her desk.

“Um– math.” His lips quirk up, while she pouts. “S’not making sense again.”

“Lemme see,” he says, sitting up. She looks at him for a second, not moving, but when he nods towards her ipad again she scrambles to pick it up and sit next to him on the bed. 

“So, what were you going to try and do?” he asks, grabbing her pen. She’s hyper aware of how their thighs are touching, how she can practically feel the heat radiating off his body.

“Um… I feel like I need to use one of the trig rules here but I can’t think of any that would do anything here.” 

“Okay you’re right… the issue is that none of your sins or cosins fit any of the rules. But you can break cos^3x down into cos^2x times cosx, right?” 

“Okay…” she looks up at him like a lost puppy, still not fully getting it. 

“Do you have any trig identities with cos^2x?”

“Um…” she shuffles through her notes, “ cos^2x equals 1 minus sin^2x?”

He nods his head, “yeah. So now that everything is in terms of sin, you can do a u-sub.”

“Oh,” she blinks quietly, staring down at the paper. “Why’s it so easy when you explain it?” 

He shrugs, leaning back down onto her bed, “y’just need a lot of practice.”

The bottom of his shirt rises up as he puts his hands behind his head, revealing a pair of black ferns that point towards a yummy v-line. Y/n tries her best not to look, but she’s reminded of the night where she showed up to his apartment to pick up Maddie… how he’d been shirtless, his abdomen so chiseled and firm. The swallows on his collarbones, the butterfly that seemed to jump with every breath. She finds herself getting a bit short of breath as she thinks about all of the things hidden beneath his shirt currently.

That’s the thing about being a touch-deprived, romantic girl like y/n. The littlest things get her going. 

He was nice to her once, helped her with her math homework and comforted her when she cried, and now her heart flutters like crazy when she sees him. Just the smallest rise of Harry’s shirt has her spiraling. 

She can’t help but notice the way his biceps bulge subtly as he puts his hands behind his head, and finds herself overwhelmed with the fact that this boy – an attractive boy – was just laying in her bed casually.

She knows it’s no big deal for Harry, he’s probably just in here because the living room stinks and he needs to clear his head. But for her, it’s a lot. She never has boys in her room, has never had a romantic interaction with a boy. Hasn’t even been kissed. It’s always just very friendly – getting notes from a guy in her class, joking around with some of Maddie’s friends. She’s never had a boy talk to her any more than that. 

Harry, though… Harry comes into her room and talks to her even when there’s a whole party going on outside. He kept her company when she was stranded at his apartment, he took her home and took care of her when she was drunk and emotional. It probably meant nothing to him, but the way he grabbed her ankle and told her to lie down when he was helping her into bed was one of the most tender things she’s ever experienced. He put his hand on her waist, and held her arm while she stumbled, he’d guided her through the door with his hand on the small of her waist. 

And when he saw her crying at the library, he came over and talked to her. Comforted her and let her rant about her classes. He’d let her into his room and helped her with her homework, murmured soft praises to her when she got a question right, his arm brushing against hers, or his chest rubbing against her shoulder. 

The stupidest little things, that are probably so insignificant for him, have been on her mind for days.

“Hey,” Harry says, snapping her out of her daydreams. She tears her eyes away from his ferns embarrassedly, hoping he didn’t notice. “What are you thinkin’ about?”

She averts her eyes, looking down at her bedsheet. “Um, nothing.”

He quirks his brows. “Nothing?”

“Mhm,” she nods her head innocently.

‘Really?” he asks again, his lip twitching with the slightest hint of amusement, sitting up on his elbows now. He raises himself up so that they’re face to face. He’s not an idiot.

She bites her lip nervously, and her heart stops when Harry’s eyes flicker down to watch. He stares at her with a strange look in his eye… a glimmer in them that she’s only ever read about in books. His eyebrows furrow as though he’s deep in thought, eyes still glued to her lips. 

She wonders if she’s hallucinating when he leans in. 

She thought she was being silly for starting to feel things for him – that she was just being classic y/n, crushing on a guy even though she knows she’s too shy to ever make a move. Now, with how close he is, she can see every freckle on his tan skin, every lash that frames his bright green eyes. She breathes with a tight chest, swallowing thickly as her eyes flicker between his, wide and curious. His eyes still haven’t left her lips.

Her heart stutters as his large hand makes its way to her thigh, his palm warm and smooth, gently grazing her skin. He unconsciously inches closer and closer, incapable of pulling his eyes away from her mouth. 

He wets his bottom lip with his tongue, a force of habit, and finally looks her in the eye. His irises have turned a dark green, pupils dilated, and his breathing has deepened. She has no idea what’s going on in his head, but he looks serious. Deep in thought. His hand still rests on her thigh, the contact sending sparks of electricity all over her body, especially when his fingers gently start to trail upwards. 

Her eyes flutter shut as she tries to take deep, calm breaths, but he’s gotten so close that she can feel the puff of his breathing against her lips, inhaling his every exhale. It makes her lightheaded. He’s so close… so, so close…

A loud pounding on the door makes y/n jump away from him. 

Her eyes are blown out when she jerks them open, her heart pounding harshly with anticipation that’s been left unsatisfied. “Who is it?” she calls out with a shaky voice. 

Harry hasn’t moved an inch. He sits there and stares at her, hand still on her thigh. 

“Is Harry in there?” Maddie yells. “Blake is ready to go.”

He brings a hand up and tugs on her bottom lip with his thumb, then watches it bounce back into place, hypnotizing himself with the sight. Y/n, unable to get any words out, sits there and watches him as he stares at her lips.

“Hellooo?” Maddie obnoxiously yells again.

Harry’s nose flares and he shuts his eyes, frustratedly pulling himself away from y/n. She says nothing, still in a daze, watching as he leaves her bed. He stands and runs a hair through his messy curls, before heading towards the door and opening it. Maddie stands in front of the door with her fist raised, ready to knock on the door again. 

“Calm down,” he says, eyeing her coldly. Maddie rolls her eyes and walks away to tell Blake that she found Harry.

He turns around for a moment and glances at y/n. “See ya,” he says. 

She blinks, her hand coming up to touch her lips, searching for some confirmation that this was real and she hadn’t imagined it. “Bye,” she nearly whispers, breathless. 

The door shuts with a click and she finds herself alone with her thoughts. Her math homework sits abandoned on her bed, and will probably remain untouched for the rest of the night.

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Finally, y/n has Harry all to herself.

She’d been dancing around him all night, constantly catching his eye from across the room in a game of cat and mouse. He watched her from the corner of the room he was stationed in with his dark eyes, a teasing smirk on his face. He knew what she was doing – trying to distract him. It was working. 

He watched her as she mingled and talked, watched as she sipped on her drink, watched as she weaved her way through the passes of people in her apartment, pushing past the hot bodies and sweaty skin until she disappeared in her room. 

He followed her in, less than a minute later.

She hears him walk into the room, the sound of him turning the lock and his heavy footsteps approaching her. A shiver runs down her spine when his hands grab her shoulders from behind, goosebumps rising on her arms almost instantaneously. His firm front pushes against her back, toned stomach pressed against the curve of spine. 

His fingers are warm and gentle on her shoulders, comforting yet teasing at the same time. He doesn’t hold her firmly – his featherlight touch more tantalizing than any other form of contact. These light, delicate brushes of his skin keep her on her toes, never knowing what to expect next. She holds her breath as his fingers travel from her shoulders, down the length of her arms. 

Suddenly, she feels his lips against her ear. She can’t help the soft, aroused breath that leaves her as his lips skim the shell of her ear. He chuckles, low and taunting, and she can feel the deep reverberations of his chest against her back.

“I’ve been waiting f’this,” he murmurs softly. His warm breath tickles her ear, sending waves of pleasure straight down to her core, and his hands have migrated from her arms to her hips now. He grips them, fingers digging into the soft flesh there, and pulls her back, grinding her into his front. She swallows a whimper down, eyes fluttering shut. A hard bulge presses against her ass, and she can’t resist the urge to press back on it, wriggle her hips even though Harry’s holding her still. “You’ve been teasing me…” he presses a kiss right underneath her earlobe. “Playing all innocent when I know you’re actually filthy.” Another kiss, and another kiss, trailing his lips down the curve of her neck.

She lets out a pathetic, shaky whimper, and it makes him chuckle tauntingly. “Your head is just filled with dirty thoughts, isn’t it?” Her knees go weak as he wraps a hand around her throat, tilting her head to the side so that he can look at her. “Bet you’re just dying for me to fuck you.” 

Her eyes are wide and round, and her entire body turns into jelly. The only reason she’s standing right now is because Harry’s holding her up. She can’t get any words out, pathetically wrapped around his finger. She looks up at him with a pleading gaze, begging him to do something… anything…

The sound of her 8 AM alarm yanks her straight out of dreamland.

Her eyes are bleary as she frantically looks around her bed, gathering her bearings. She has to triple check that Harry isn’t anywhere in her room – looking at every corner and patting around her sheets as well – before she can confirm that it was all a dream. 

Oh gosh. This is like the third time this week! 

She doesn’t mean to be having these dreams. It's a rather embarrassing situation for her and she honest to god would much rather just read a couple of steamy romance books about fictional vampires to get the horniness out of her system, instead of having repeated wet dreams about a very real Harry. 

They make her feel icky because, like– isn’t it a bit disrespectful to be having such dirty thoughts about someone who’s just been helping her with her math homework and potentially also kissing her had they not been interrupted? Like what are the boundaries there? You can’t really ask someone for consent to having wet dreams about them… but it’s not like she was consenting to those dreams either! She can’t control what her subconscious mind decides to stir up for her nightly dream! 

She tries to logic it out – how would she feel if Harry was having wet dreams about her? Well… actually the thought of it makes her a little bit excited, cos that would mean he likes her, right? Ugh, no, she’s getting distracted!

It’s all very typical horny virgin behavior. Ever since her almost kiss with Harry, her mind has been in shambles. Her first issue is trying to wrap her head around the entire thing – had Harry actually wanted to kiss her? She hadn’t made that up, right? 

She’s replayed the night a hundred times in her head. Remembers exactly how his hand felt on her thigh, how he’d stared at her lips, how their eyes had fluttered shut, how their noses brushed… all the things she’s read about in her books! All the ingredients for a first kiss! 

How tragic that it’d been interrupted. She thinks that’s why her brain has been overly active this past week – her subconscious has been trying to fulfill the insatisfaction she felt when she jumped away from Harry, just seconds before their lips touched. It feels like she’s been edged over and over again and been denied an orgasm five times – but the orgasm is her first kiss and she’s being edged by Maddie, who stole that kiss away by knocking on her door! 

She flops around in her bed frustratedly, smushing her face into her pillow with a sad groan. What if Harry doesn’t wanna kiss her the next time he sees her? What if this was a one time opportunity? She doesn’t want to sound desperate… but she really wanted to kiss Harry! She’d be really sad if it was just a whim of the moment kinda thing. 

But also… if it wasn’t just a one time thing… if he did actually want to kiss her… well how was she gonna end up in the situation to be kissed by him again? 

She’s thinking about this way too hard, way too early in the morning. And she’s uncomfortably wet from her dream.

She needs to get herself sorted out. 

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The chair in front of y/n screeches loudly as it’s pulled from under the table she’s sitting at. She jumps at the sound of it, having been too engrossed in her book to be aware of what’s going on around her. When she looks up, she finds Harry standing at her tiny table in the campus coffee shop.

“Can I sit here?” he asks, his jaw tight. He’s wearing a gray Kendrick Lamar hoodie with the words DAMN. written in bold font across the front, his curly hair messily hidden underneath. All the other tables in the shop were taken (it tends to get pretty busy at noonish when everyone needs somewhere to sit and study), and Harry needs somewhere to sit before his next lecture.

She nods, eyes wide like a baby sheep. It’s quite jarring to just randomly see the guy you’ve been having sexy dreams about – especially for someone like y/n who apparently can’t be normal about having a crush or having an almost first kiss. She hopes she’s acting normal enough to not raise any suspicion. 

Trying to not get distracted by his green eyes and pretty pink lips, y/n looks down at the table, but finds herself instead staring at Harry’s hands. He has nice hands, she thinks to herself. The cross tattoo on his left hand compliments his tan skin nicely, and he has these thick knuckles that she just wants to run her fingers over. In one of his hands he holds a coffee cup, and even though she and him both got a medium sized coffee, his drink looks smaller, dwarfed in his massive hands. His thumb is fingering the lid of his drink mindlessly, and she remembers how that same thumb had touched her lips just over a week ago… how he’d tugged on her bottom lip and hypnotized himself with the sight of it bouncing back into place. And while she’s on that train of thought, she can’t help but remember how his hands portrayed such a significant role in her dream last night. Hadn’t she imagined them being wrapped around her throat–?

Harry clears his throat. Y/n glows with heat. She has absolutely no capability of being normal around him. “Sorry, what?” She hadn’t heard a word he’d said in the past minute, too caught up in her own thoughts. 

He smirks. Is she always this distracted? “Just asked how it’s going.”

“Oh! Oh, yeah– good, I’m good,” she closes the book, folding the corner of the page she’s on as a bookmark. “How about you?”

He shrugs. “Just got out of class. Needed a coffee.”

“What’d you get?”

“Just a black coffee.”

She can’t stop herself from wrinkling her nose, “Ew.” 

 He quirks a brow, “Well what’d you get?” “Vanilla latte with oat milk.” Yeah. She would be an oat milk girl.

Considering their recent frequency in seeing each other and his newfound… fondness towards her, he doesn’t find it difficult to start picking and prodding at her, getting to know her. He realizes Blake was right – she wasn’t a super duper shy girl, she probably had just been scared of him. Once he started talking to her and smiling every once in a while, it seems like she loosened up. What used to be painfully awkward conversations have now become free flowing and casual.

He picks up the book she was reading and reads the cover. “Book Lovers by Emily Henry. Awfully fitting for you.”

She furrows her brow, already offended. She hates it when people make fun of her books – especially boys who make fun of her for reading romance. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’re a book lover, aren’t you? Can never find you without your nose in a book.” 

She relaxes. “Oh… yeah,” a soft chuckle escapes her. “Yeah, I guess I’m a book lover.”

“You think I’d like this one?” he asks, flipping through the first few pages. 

“Um… maybe.” She can’t imagine Harry being a huge fan of her soft romance books. “Are you a reader?”

“God, no,” he puts the book down. “Not smart enough for that.”

Her jaw drops. “You are totally smart, Harry! Way smarter than me!” she exclaims.

“M’just good at math,” he shrugs, “You’re little miss smartie, with your color coded notes. Reading your books for fun.” 

She grows shy. Part of her thought that Harry thought she was stupid – not the over-emotional-girl-who-cries-too-much kind of stupid, but rather the kind of stupid that makes you wonder how she even got into this school because she’s doing so bad in math. 

It was a massive hit to her girlboss mentality when she had to ask Harry for help, and even though Harry never actually made her feel dumb when answering her questions… she just had this mean voice in the back of her head that constantly nagged her, convincing her that Harry thought she was a stupid girl who should just give up and drop out. And ignoring that voice is really hard, so…  it was just nice to hear that he didn’t think she was a stupid little baby. It made that mean voice in her head shut up. 

“Um… by the way. My next calc midterm is next Friday. I was wondering if, um…” she tucks her hair behind her ear nervously. 

He fills in the rest for her. “Do you want to revise together this weekend?” 

“If it’s not too much trouble,” she says bashfully. “Your tutoring is super helpful.” 

“You can come over on Saturday,” he sips on his coffee. “No trouble.”

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“Is this right?” Y/n shows her work to Harry, and he nods. They’re both on his bed, except Harry’s lying down with his head on a pillow, scrolling through tiktok, while y/n’s hunched over her ipad. She’s been doing practice problems for the past three hours, asking Harry for help every once in a while. That's how it’s been most of the night – her study session is mostly just him checking her work to make sure she’s not doing anything funky and giving her hints if she’s stuck. 

She’s studied a lot in the past two weeks and luckily doesn’t need Harry to be guiding her through every problem, which makes her really happy. And she’s only gotten a couple of the practice problems wrong! Some of them were particularly tricky and had her stumped, but that’s why she has Harry. He helped her out of roadblocks and kept her motivated. Without him here, she probably would’ve given up after the first question that she didn’t know how to solve.

“You should take a break,” he says.

She’d refused to take any breaks since she got here – determined to finish the practice test that her professor had posted while she had Harry next to her to help. Now that she finished all the problems, she locks her ipad and puts it on Harry’s bedside table. She leans back on one of Harry’s pillows and copies Harry, holding her phone above her face. Except instead of scrolling through tiktok, she opens up her kindle app and starts reading.

He sees the tiny font on her screen from the corner of his eye. “Reading?” he asks.

“Mhm,” she shuffles around on his bed, getting comfortable. 

He thinks it’s kind of cute that she’s always reading. “Is it the same one as last time? Book Lovers?”

“No, I finished that one yesterday! This is by the same author though. S’called Beach Read.”

“What’s it about?” he turns off his own phone and sits up, turning to look down at y/n. Her hair is splayed across his pillows, and her eyes glimmer softly in his bedroom lighting.

She feels a little shy describing one of her favorite books to Harry – she’s often been ridiculed by her friends for being so lovey dovey and reading her silly romance books. But he seemed genuine when he asked. “Um– there are these two writers. The girl writes romance and the guy writes like these serious fiction books. And they’re kinda rivals.” 

He hums. “Let me read a little bit,” he looks down at the screen of her phone. “I tightened my thighs around the sides of his body–” he reads aloud, before she yanks her phone out of his sight.

“No!” she yelps, turning her phone off and practically throwing it across the room. “You are not allowed to read it!” 

He laughs, a fully amused belly laugh, and the sound is beautiful but she doesn’t allow herself to revel in it due to her embarrassment. “What are you reading?” he giggles.

“Oh my gosh,” she hides her face in her hands. 

“Didn’t expect you to be reading such dirty stories,” he teases, “I thought you were a good girl.”

“It’s not all dirty!” she defends herself. “It’s– it’s sweet! It’s a love story… it’s romantic.” Her voice gets quiet near the end. 

Harry’s laughter bubbles down and he’s left with a smirk on his face, while y/n lays in front of him, an embarrassed pout on her face. “M’only teasing,” he says as he reaches a hand out to rest on her thigh, not wanting her to look so sad. “Read whatever you want. Seems like a cute book, maybe I should pick it up, hm?” 

Her mind goes a little blank when his hand meets her thigh, his palm warming her skin once more – just like that night he’d almost kissed her. “Y-yeah, you might like it,” she clears her throat. “S’one of my favorites.”

That same look glazes over Harry’s eyes – that dark look, as if he’s deep in thought. 

She swallows thickly. Could this be it? Her second chance at a kiss with Harry?

She pushes herself up on her elbows, more alert. Her palms feel sweaty and she finds her fingers nervously toying with his comforter. A million thoughts are racing in her head as she searches Harry’s eyes, flickering back and forth, trying to see what he might be thinking of. He’s so hard to read. She feels like she’s drowning in his eyes. 

Almost as if he can read her thoughts, he leans forwards. She hopes she doesn’t look like an over-eager puppy, but her eyes light up and practically beg him to come closer, to just kiss her! He smiles to himself a bit, and obliges. 

With y/n laying on his bed, propped up by her elbows, and Harry already having been sat up on the bed, he doesn’t need to move that much closer for their faces to be aligned. He’s leaning over her, one hand holding him up, while the other hand comes up to her cheek.

She gasps when his large palm comes up to cup her face, his palm on her jaw and fingers sliding into her hair. He inches closer and closer, his eyes fluttering shut when his nose brushes against hers ever so lightly. She can feel the puff of his breathing against her lips, breathing in each of his exhales as she tries to stay calm. She forces her eyes shut, her entire body alive with butterflies.

He wets his bottom lip with his tongue, a force of habit, and nudges his nose against hers. She tilts her head to the side. He teases her for a second, gives her the chance to pull away by just grazing their lips together teasingly, and feels her sharp intake of breath at the contact. He can’t help but smirk against her lips.

With her eyes closed, she’s hyper aware of how it feels. The way his curls brush against her face… the warmth of his palm as he tilts her head upwards… the wetness of his lips as he finally… connects them… in a kiss. 

This was it. Her first kiss. 

There’s not one thought in her head, a stark contrast to how she’d spent countless sleepless nights overthinking the mechanics of kissing someone. She’d always worried that she’d mess it up, that she’d freeze and wouldn’t know what to do. 

But falling into the gentle caress of Harry’s lips is easy. Her nerves spill, her muscles relax, and she just lets herself melt against Harry’s lips. He suckles on her bottom lip gently, folds their lips together, pulls away with soft clicks just to reattach a second later. She sighs dreamily into his mouth and lets herself fall back into the bed, her head against his pillow. He doesn’t let their lips disconnect, following her down and climbing on top of her so that one of his legs is stationed between her thighs. 

She wonders if all kisses are this magnificent, or if it’s just Harry. Is it normal to feel your heart stuttering in your chest, or feel electricity flowing through your veins at just the touch of someone’s lips? Would she always lean her face into the palm of his hand, and let herself relax in the bliss of feeling his lips against hers?

It’s wonderful – a head-spinning, heart-fluttering, electrifying kiss. 

Harry’s hand that isn’t holding himself up comes down to rest on her thigh, goosebumps rising under his touch. His kisses start to grow more pressured, inhaling sharply and breathing heavily against her, tongue licking at the seam of her lips eagerly. His nose bends against her face as he tilts his head to the side, eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he tastes the sweet chapstick on her lips. Her skin is warm and soft and plushy underneath his touch, and her lips are addictive. 

He uses his grip on her thigh to hike her leg up, fitting his hips between hers and sliding his hand up and down her leg tantalizingly. He can feel her losing her breath, so he forces himself off of her lips and starts kissing down her neck. He skims his lips down, presses wet, hot kisses on her throat, his every breath making her core clench. 

She squeezes her eyes shut, eyes rolling into the back of her head, and takes heavy breaths, chest rising and falling shakily. Her hands come up to grab onto him – just hold onto him in any way – and the first thing her hands land on are his biceps. His firm, toned biceps, that are flexing as he hovers above her. In an effort to feel more grounded, she squeezes her fingers, but it just ends up making her even more lightheaded because god he’s so strong and muscular and he’s kissing her right now! 

She’s overwhelmed and her head is spinning and it feels like she’s in a dream, an amazing dream that feels so good and that she never wants to end – she can smell his aftershave and his shampoo and his overall yummy boy smell, and her lips are tingling with the aftermath of his kiss. She’d always imagined what it would be like to have her neck kissed and sucked on by a boy and now that it’s happening it’s better than she could’ve ever imagined, and she’s so sensitive, and it’s just different to have a real person touching you and kissing you all over, especially someone that she’s majorly attracted to and–

Harry presses his hips into her center and, wow, if it isn't the most arousing thing she’s ever experienced. Excitement and anticipation fill her veins… but then a trickle of doubt starts to filter in. She’d only just had her first kiss, was she ready to go any further than that? 

‘H-Harry,” she says, but it’s more of a moan because his fingers squeeze her hips and he’s kissing right underneath her earlobe right now and it’s sending shivers down all over her body. “M-maybe we should stop.”

“Hm?” He pulls away from where he was buried in her neck, his eyes blown out and lips slicked with a mix of their spit. 

“I-I’m not ready to have sex with you, if that’s what you want.”

“That’s okay,” he says, licking his lips. “I could just eat you out.”

And, god, if that doesn’t make her whimper. “I– no, I um…” she stammers over herself.

He smiles. “What is it?” he murmurs, an amused lilt to his voice.

“I… I haven’t done any of… that.” She swallows, looking at him nervously. Her heart, which had once been racing with excitement, now pounds with apprehension. This is the first time she’s been in this position and she’s feeling so vulnerable. 

It’s extremely scary and nerve-wracking and Harry’s silence is not doing anything to help her feel better.

“You’re a virgin?” he asks after a beat.

She nods. She feels insecure under his gaze, and even though she’s fully clothed, she feels totally exposed.

He laughs. “Are you really?” he asks again.

Her eyes flash with hurt. She just shared something extremely intimate with him, shared her very first kiss with him… and he was laughing at her?

She feels her heart drop, and her cheeks flame with insecurity. 

“Um–" she swallows around the lump developing in her throat. "I should go,” she says, barely over a whisper. She puts her hands on his chest and pushes him away, sliding out from underneath him and climbing out of his bed. Grabbing her ipad, she shoves it into her backpack, along with her notes that were scattered along his desk and her phone lying at the foot of his bed. Her cheeks burn hot and her heart is aching in her chest.

“What?” He doesn’t challenge her when she pushes him away, but he stares at her with his eyebrows furrowed, confused at the sudden mood shift. “What happened?”

She doesn’t answer. Her throat is hurting, the painful lump a tell-tale sign of the tears getting ready to fall.

“Y/n?” he asks again, getting off his bed and walking towards her. All amusement has left his face, brows furrowed in a concerned manner. She shrugs him off when he approaches her.

“Don’t.” She feels embarrassed, her mind only filled with insecurity. He was making fun of her for being a virgin, teasing her. As if she wasn’t already embarrassed enough about it herself.

She’d planned on calling Maddie to come pick her up when she was ready to go, but it doesn’t matter anymore. She leaves his room hastily, before any of the tears can fall, and nearly runs out of his apartment. 

She’ll walk home. 

˙· .° ｡  ˚ ｡  ° . · ˚ ˙ · . ° ｡ ˚ ｡  ° . · ˙ · .° ｡ ˚ ｡ °.  · ˙ ‧̍̊  

OMG!!! HOPE U GUYS LIKED ITTTTTT HEHEHEHE :-) part 3 is up on my patreon already and will come to tumblr next saturday (augsut 5) pleeeeaaaase lmk what u think and give her a rb and a comment i LOVE U GUYS SO SO MUCH!!!!

sunshine (part 3) - in which y/n just wants to get this whole virginity thing out of the way, and Harry needs to grovel a bit before she forgives him.

sunshine masterlist

[jamiepaige]

Constant Companions Closeup #6: BREEZE BLOWS

(also on spotify!)

Welcome back… to Constant Companions Closeups…. a series of in-depth dives into the songs off of my latest album, Constant Companions…

Last time, we talked about Cadmium Colors! Today, we're keeping the alliteration but moving back a letter in the alphabet! Breeze Blows, with Marcy Nabors and Marlow Jacobs!!

---

oh baby mental health

Last post, I mentioned as an aside that I have OSDD-1b - a kinda complicated diagnosis that is defined by not quite being Dissociative Identity Disorder but being similar enough. And obviously that's super reductive but I'm not an expert on this I just have brain peculiarities. I won't fully explain how this functions, or every intricacy of how I deal with it, but I can try to convey what it feels like.

My sense of self is comprised of parts. Not an exceptionally high number, but nonetheless distinct parts that fit together like puzzle pieces to make a full individual. They talk to and interact with each other, and most times it is one specific part that takes the lead while the others simply follow, but ideally, they all move in sync and work together.

This collaborative effort is relatively new and was an incredibly hard-fought state of being. For many years, it felt much more like there was just me and a bunch of nightmare voices in my head constantly lashing out violently!! My own inner monologue felt completely out of my control... and it ultimately turned out that it kinda was, but not for the reasons I thought.

Showing those voices kindness and starting a conversation was the big moment of revelation for me, that there was this whole other half of me that had been locked in a box for god knows how long. She was scared and lonely and just wanted to be understood, and really, that was all I wanted as well.

Writing these self-directed songs of love and companionship became a really important part of becoming 'whole', in some sense. Not that there are no more individual parts or anything!! Just that my inner monologue these days is far more of a conversation between friends.

...

Constant companions, if you will.

---

As a couple people have pointed out, this song is very much a counterpoint and companion piece to weathergirl, a song by my band FLAVOR FOLEY! Neither song was originally written with the intention of complimenting the other, but the parallels simply emerged naturally, and it only felt right to reinforce them. At 2:14 in Breeze Blows, you can even hear the icy little keys motif from weathergirl front and center!!

On that note, while I would love to make MVs for every song on the album, Breeze Blows is the one song I am dead set on putting out an MV for no matter what... A yellow, very natural aesthetic to contrast with weathergirl... ANRI in a sundress, fluttering in the wind and clutching her hands to her chest...

the fucking yuri...

Of course, this song was a collaboration with some other dear friends of mine, Marcy Nabors and Marlow Jacobs! We've been fastidious friends for freaking forever. Marcy, especially, has been with me through thick and thin - together, we've gone on road trips, worked on Homestuck music, bounced countless ideas off of each other, embarrassed ourselves in front of each other's parents, queued for probably a triple digit number of FFXIV instances, and of course, collaborated on some of my favorite music I've ever released. Not to discredit Marlow or anything!! These two are genuinely some of the coolest people I know, and I love them wholeheartedly. Hopefully we can play some mahjong again sometime so I can kick their asses and feel like I'm even a tenth as cool as them

Our initial ideas for this song came together while we sat at the piano at my parent's house, aimlessly banging out chords together while I left my phone recording on the other side of the room just in case. Ultimately, the voice memo barely sounds anything like Breeze Blows, because the process of translating things to MIDI on Marcy's laptop also introduced a lot of defining creative choices, but it's still at least amusing to hear.

Apologies and/or you're welcome for the shorter post this time around!! Thank you for reading regardless; If you have any more questions, I'd be glad to answer them below!! Tomorrow... we can grow so big.... (aggrandicize)

[mrghostrat]

some tips for writing flow

i've had a lot of comments complimenting my writing style, most of which don't know how to explain or describe what they like about it. i never really knew either, but i've been paying more attention to the way i write things lately, in the hope of being able to understand and explain it.

a lot of this is "based on feel" with no hard and fast rules, but there's also very tangible techniques you can hopefully work into your own writing, if that makes sense? idk is this anything—

1 - sentence beats, and alternating them.

this is probably the biggest thing in my writing. i've realised my sentences can be measured in beats, based on their length and how many sections they can be broken into. the pattern changes often, and i don't have a concrete rule in how i fill a paragraph (again, i've only just put words to any of this), but it's probably the most important part of my flow. let's have a look:

1 beat: • this is probably the biggest thing in my writing.

2 beats: • i've realised my sentences can be measured in beats • based on their length and how many sections they can be broken into.

3 beats: • the pattern changes often • and i don't have a concrete rule in how i fill a paragraph • but it's probably the most important part of my flow.

it looks like a favour certain patterns, the only real "rule" i use is to construct a paragraph with various beats, and never put two side by side. whenever i'm struggling with my flow, it's usually because i've put two of the same beats next to each other and everything feels either stiff or crowded. i rarely put two side by side, unless it's for specific emphasis.

the other exception are paragraph breaks: these are a pause for breath, and allow us to reset the pattern. i often start and end my paragraphs with single beat sentences, and it doesn't feel like they're running on because there's that lovely breath between them.

2 - short paragraphs

the rule we learn in school is that new paragraphs are for new ideas. convert this to prose, and we can consider "ideas" to include the character's thoughts, new narrative tangents, and physical movement around a scene.

one of my biggest struggles reading "bad" fanfic is when paragraphs are too lumped together. crowley will walk into the bookshop, see aziraphale across the way, wander over to a shelf, select a book, then pour himself a drink all in one big chunk. i can't parse that. there doesn't have to be a new line break for every new action, but grouping the relevant ones together and breaking in between broad motions (i.e. walking across a room, acknowledging a character) can help ease readers through the scene.

paragraphs are a breath, not only for sentence flow, but for processing the action within a story. similarly, purposefully keeping multiple actions confined to a single paragraph can make them feel quicker, while breaking them up into multiple paragraphs will slow down the pacing (even if the amount of detail describing each action is the same). included some examples because i'm struggling to explain this one

3 - mixing metaphors

this might sound less flow related, but i used to struggle with it a lot as a young writer, and paying more attention to it has definitely helped clean up my flow and writing overall.

i love a good analogy, but it can be easy to get carried away, and this can bog down the prose. my personal rule is that i can get silly with my metaphors (see: the mon chéri magnet), but i can only use one at a time. no talking about the magnet in aziraphale's chest and the angel and demon on his shoulder within the same scene.

if i'm getting silly and long winded with a metaphor, i also try to limit the length of it to one or two paragraphs. paragraph 1: set up the metaphor, establish the analogy. paragraph 2: come back to the reality of the scene, then mention the metaphor once more to link it all together. if i'm feeling cheeky, then i mention the metaphor again ONCE in passing, a couple of paragraphs or even chapters later

the magnet was a fun one, because i kind of flipped how i would usually present a metaphor, with the long winded tangent coming last instead of being the set up. and even though i used the metaphor 3 times, it felt like 2 because the set up was really just a planted seed for what i'd be mentioning later in the theatre. referencing the "whispered curse in the dark" also helped tie the scenes together and keep the analogies neat and tidy in our heads

meanwhile i got a little more carried away with the space metaphor in postcards (i feel like there's probably a 4th and maybe even 5th mention during the bookshop scene), but each one was blink-and-you'll-miss-it brief that didn't slog down the prose.

4 - avoiding repetitive pronouns

we're all going to struggle with this, and i don't have a secret hack for avoiding a wall of "he this, he that, he then," and i honestly try not to beat myself up over it too much. but there are two things i check to make sure it's not getting too repetitive:

1. looking within a paragraph

apparently everything revolves around paragraphs and the breath between them lmao. i don't have a strict rule like "use the character's name once per paragraph, then 'he' for the rest" or anything like that, but it's in that kind of vein. i simply pay attention to one paragraph at a time to watch for too much repetition, and if i notice it's been one or two whole blocks without switching from 'he' to a name, i'll chuck one in to break it up.

2. paragraph starters

this is so picky. and i don't know if it does ANYTHING, but it bugs me when i'm writing and i notice every paragraph starts the same way. maybe it has no effect on the flow at all. but i like to make sure my paragraphs aren't starting with the same "he" "he" "he", and that forces me to go back and switch around the pronouns in recent sentences, so the next paragraph can flow on more smoothly.

5 - use interruptions appropriately

edit: sneaking this one in here as a final thought! i just want to mention the use of em-dashes, semicolons, footnotes, and parenthesis mid-sentence. it's common to favour one in particular, but each have spectacular uses and can add miles to the pacing and flow of your prose.

em-dash (—) interruptions, cutting off dialogue— pausing to make a point — like this — in the middle of a sentence.

semicolon (;) helps with making lists and continuing a compound sentence that doesn't really link with 'and' or 'but'; when you want to pause, but a new sentence would break the flow of things.

footnotes (¹) these should be optional additions to the text imo. you should be able to keep reading without looking at the footnotes and not lose an ounce of story. they're additive, not necessary.

parenthesis ( () ) a great way to interrupt yourself (less sharply) than with em-dashes, include longer pieces of information (like what you might put in a footnote, except more crucial to the narrative that you don't want people to miss!) and adding sass (lol) and tone to your prose.

[watchingblsnowandforever]

Hello!!!

Welcome back! =D

Part 2

Warning: long, long post (also a part 2 but I think y'all are used to it by now-) 😊😅

MattMick!! Also, Beer looking between them like that and Q and Toey peeking from behind cracked me up hehe

Also, does that mean Beer is single? Wait, maybe he's aroace. That'd be really cool.

I did see some hints of a throuple of him and MattMick, but I'm happy with either option.

SO CUTE 🥺🫶🏼

Poor QToey 😭

Their romantic moment got rained on so hard-

Exhibit: Here you can see three males from the species Homo sexuals. Two of them are already mated, and the third is in the courting process. We think the other male is interested too.

Oh- But I thought- oh, this makes sense actually. So the others know. I mean not really surprising when you think about it, to be honest.

With his unprecedented levels of obliviousness? Yeah, no, I get where you're coming from, Chain.

That's your biggest concern about getting a penguin?? 😭😭

Why does Peem look like the exasperated mom friend of the group 😭

After all the tiny crumbs of the past *checks notes* 8262 eps, this is a lot of progress.

HANDS. (I will never stop screaming about hands.)

Cuteee

Peem, babe, he hardly ever goes to class anyways. He's too busy following you around like a puppy.

Me, who holds handholding above everything else (yes, even sex): *DEEP BREATHS THROUGH THE NOSE* I'm fine. *SMOKE COMING OUT OF EARS* Totally fine.

Nothing to say, just a really good shot. (Also, Phuwin's exasperated smile seemed too real and then I learned Pond improvised that scene and yeah, that explains it)

ChainPun: only two people with matching pillow cases

QToey: missing (me?) [Sorry I couldn't resist 😭]

TanFang: peacefully asleep

PhumPeem: chronic insomnia, aggravated by Tan's snores

Matt: cuddling Mick

Beer: dreaming of him and his friends and their boyfriends all graduating with good grades

ChainPun. <33

Let me wrap this moment in my memory forever. (I tried to adjust the lighting a bit but it didn't really work out 😭)

AJSSHUJKJ!!!!! THEY GIVE ME TWO MAKE OUT SESSIONS WITHIN THE SPAN OF LIKE 4 MINUTES AND EXPECT ME TO BE SANE ABOUT IT???

No.

Look, we all expected this. I even said on record I wouldn't survive. And all that mental Muay Thai still didn't prepare me for this.

Till now, I have watched 60 BLs, give or take, so I've seen a lot of NC scenes. Compared to some of them, this is very PG-13, but this one really got me, like very few sex scenes have managed to. The intimacy, the palpable love, want. It all came together so beautifully in this scene.

Them saying 'I love you' during sex is canon! Yay! I knew it in my guts (wrote a fic about it) but feels so good to be right in canon hehe.

"I love you too, now kiss me again."

HANDS!!!! (It's canon now, they hold hands during sex, and so I can freely write a fic about it. Not that something not being canon ever stopped me but yeah.)

Fang: my brother is in safe hands. 😌

Also, love how Peem didn't hesitate to at the chance to kick both brothers and make it a streak 😭👍🏼

Honestly though, this scene shows that Peem is going to go to very long lengths to make sure Phum is okay, even kicking his own brother (which assures me that Peem maybe wouldn't hesitate that much to sucker punch their dad either, which is important information to have for possible future fics.)

How can one man be so goddamn cute??

The whimpering puppy noises- 😭

Cakes are so hard to bake, for real. This one is so cute though 😭😭🫶🏼

Puppy Phum- honestly is anyone surprised? No? Thought so.

This smile-

It holds so much happiness and the brunt of so many years of trauma. It's so beautiful. I'm probably gonna rewatch the heck out of this scene.

I end Part 1 here, Part 2 will be out (hopefully) soon!

If you got this far, thank you so much for reading! 😊 (All mistakes are mine, but in my defense, I literally fell asleep while writing this.)

Here, have a pie (of your favourite flavour) 🥧

[indieyuugure]

hi indie again

My friend just started reading mutation situation and she want me to ask you a couple of questions about it

Q1 if Donnie get very sick by the chemical does it effect his brother?

Q2 is karai gonna be in mutation situation?

Q3 will they have a hard times using their weapons with their new finger?

Q4 what season is the story?

Q5 would the krang recognize them or get confused?

Q6 (mine question) would Casey and April help on there journey to save Donnie

Yeah no problem! I’ll try my best ^v^

Q1: No, it luckily will not. It will be explained why in the next part :]

Q2: Nope. I’ll try my best to work her in, but as of right now, no.

Q3: I think to some degree yes. For things like Raph twirling his sais, Donnie spinning his Bo, some of the fancy stuff Mikey does with his nunchucks, and even just the way Leo grips his katanas, yes they have a lot of trouble adjusting. They can still fight pretty well, but not really to the level they could before. Their weapons feel foreign in their hands if that makes sense.

Q4: The story takes place in season 2! Right after episode 20, “The Kuro Kabuto.” (Leo actually makes a reference to them stealing Shred-Head’s helmet in A Mysterious Chemical, Ep. 5) They also are watching Super Robo Mecha Force Five, which is the Season 2 show.

Q5: Personally I think they’d be pretty confused. The Kraang aren’t exactly the sharpest crayons in the box, and I feel like they don’t pay enough attention to that kind of stuff to figure out it’s them, Though I can’t help imagining them saying “Kraang, get the ones who were previously turtles known as ‘The Turtles’ that are now humans in the time that is now!” 😂

Q6: They will indeed! April will stay with Donnie to help, while Casey will go with the turtles to find the cure.

I’m glad to hear your friend’s liking the story! Hopefully this lears some stuff up for her and you!

Good questions! :]

[yourplayersaidwhat]

"I'm the brains, your the brawns"

DM: You're in the dungeon. You don't hear anything except a dripping noise from somewhere. Also, it's pitch black because neither of you have dark vision.

Fairy Ranger: I'll cast light!

Goliath (Totem) Barbarian: Wait! We don't know what's down here! Let me borrow your bat. I'll cast beast sense. 

DM: *Explains part of a layout. Important parts being 2 undead creatures shambling in one room, on the other side of the dungeon there's a room of bunkbeds with a colorful ornate lock* 

Fairy Ranger: TO THE UNDEAD!

Goliath Barbarian: No! If we don't need to fight them, let's avoid it. We're here for the magical artifact. We don't need to start unnecessary fights. 

Fairy Ranger: Come on though! it'll be fun!

Goliath barbarian: Go on ahead, I'm going the other way!

Fairy Ranger: Whoa whoa whoa wait wait wait. I'm squishy! I'll literally die with you! I'm the brains your the brawns. 

Goliath barbarian: ... 

Fairy Ranger: *Cheering very loudly when Goliath solves the color lock puzzle* 

DM: Goliath, with your passive perception you hear the shuffling quiet down. 

Fairy Ranger: Oh sweet they're further away!

Goliath Barbarian: I dive under a bunk bed and hide *rolls really well*

Fairy Ranger: Ok, seeing Goliath hide I'll also hide behind the door. 

DM: The currently unlocked door? 

Fairy Ranger: uh. yes? 

DM: ... Fine then. *Rolls poorly* Well shit they somehow don't see you even with dark vision. 

Goliath Barbarian: Oh and the 8 foot tall giant hiding under fairy sized bunk beds is much better hidden. 

DM: Excellent point. Probably better than the door though. 

Fairy Ranger: GOLIATH HELP! *Decided to sneak off and attack the undead without the barbarian* 

Goliath Barbarian: Considering I'm underwater I'm guessing I don't hear her? 

DM: Correct. What are you picking up?

Goliath Barbarian: I'll roll for the ore for the fifth lock. I'm pretty sure it's sapphire from your riddle. 

Fairy Ranger: I'M GOING TO DIE! (Does not die, because she managed to escape to the barbarian)

DM: The sphinx roars for you to solve her riddles three. What do you own but others use more?

Fairy Ranger: Uhhhhhhhhh. Don't worry I got this Goliath! I'm the brains after all! You're the brawns. 

Goliath Barbarian: Your name? 

DM: Very good. I'm impressed you got that!

Goliath Barbarian: I get lucky every once in awhile. 

DM: It brings back the lost as though never gone, shines laughter and tears with light long since shone, a moment to make, a life time to shed, valued then but lost when you're dead.

Fairy Ranger: Oh oh a story!

DM: Wrong. 

Goliath Barbarian: Memories. 

DM: Correct, how impressive! Now. How will you die? 

Goliath barbarian: Hopefully in battle protecting my loved ones. 

Fairy Ranger: I never will! *Ranger gets attacked by Sphinx and has to solve a 'penalty course'.*

Fairy Ranger: We did it! Because I'm the brains and he's the brawns!

Goliath Barbarian: Ah yes, with my +2 int. I'm of course dumb. 

Fairy Ranger: HAHAHA I've got a 0. So your the brains AND the brawns! What am I then?

DM: The comedic relief? 

Fairy Ranger: Excellent! I'm better at that. Riddles are hard. 

[pensat-i-fet]

A bonding trip, Part 1 (Mason Mount x Reader)

*I wrote this little enemies to lovers story for a friend who’s a big Mason fan and she has allowed me to share it with all of you now. I hope you like it as much as she did ❤️*

Part 2

Word count: 2956

Masterlist

Wattpad

“We don’t want to let you go, but we have to. There isn’t that much money invested in the women’s team and this transfer will fund half a season. I’m so sorry”.

Hearing my coach's words, I feel like crying. Why is this happening to me? I don’t want to leave Arsenal. I love this team and always have. And I certainly don’t want to go to play for Chelsea.

But I also understand the team has to sell me. I just wish a miracle could happen to prevent this transfer.

“It’s ok. Thank you for everything. I’ll miss you all”, I tell him, genuinely meaning it.

“Well, we are still in the same city. Don’t be a stranger”.

                               **

“Turn to the left…perfect. Now one smiling”.

I have been doing press stuff for Chelsea for the last hour and I’m so done with it. But I still need to do more interviews and videos for social media. 

“Oh, look who it is!”, I hear someone say so I turn to see them. “The new superstar!”

Of course, it’s Mason Mount. God, I hate him. 

“Well, the team clearly needed one. It’s not as if you could fit in that category”.

“Always a pleasure to see you”, he says, flicking my nose and making me move back.

“What are you doing here? I’m busy”.

I then notice everyone has stopped working to look at our interaction. 

“You have to do a photoshoot together”, says one of the media people.

“Why? It’s my presentation”.

Why does he have to be part of everything I do?

Mason and I have been “enemies” for a while. Both of us have always been the poster boy/girl for our clubs and national teams, which means we’ve had to spend a lot of time together in events for brands and whatnot. 

And it was on our very first event together that I realized what a douche he was. He spent the whole time ignoring me and making the whole thing about himself. And to think I had a crush on him before that…my taste needed to improve and it thankfully did.

“It’s not for your presentation, silly”, he says, laughing at me. “It’s for a few campaigns and interviews that’ll come out in a couple of weeks”.

“Amazing”, I say, making the sarcasm very clear.

A few minutes later, I’m standing next to Mason posing for more photos. 

“Blue looks good on you”, he whispers, making me frown.

“Shut up!”

And he does, shaking his head.

                           **

“So, is it nice to come to a team where you already have friends? It must be hard leaving Arsenal after so many years”, asks the journalist.

If only you knew how hard it is.

“Yes, absolutely. Some of the girls have played with me for the national team and were making sure I felt welcomed from the minute I stepped foot in Cobham. It’s really nice of them. But it will take a while to get used to picking the blue shirt instead of the red one”, I try to joke. 

“And you have Mason too”, she says.

I look at Mason, who is staring at me with a big smile on his face. He’s loving this.

“Actually, he’s really annoying but thankfully I don’t play with him so I’ll be alright”.

The journalist thinks I’m joking and starts laughing. She’s joined by Mason, but I can tell how fake his laugh is. 

By the time we are done with the interview, I’m desperate to just leave. Today has been way too long. 

“Hey, wait”, I hear Mason say when I’m about to leave to get changed.

“What?”

“That, exactly that”.

“You make zero sense once again, Mount”.

“Why do you always have to be like this with me?”, he asks, as if he didn’t know. “You’re so nice to everyone but so rude to me. Even during an interview”.

“You were rude to me first”.

“Are you 5?”, he says, rolling his eyes.

Instead of answering, I just leave. It’s impossible to reason with someone like him.

                               **

“We are leaving on Monday at 8 am. Please be on time. The boys will hopefully be there by then so we can leave”, tells us Emma, after explaining the trip we’ll be doing alongside the men’s team.

“Why do we have to be on time but for them it’s hoping they are on time?”, I say. I don’t like double standards.

“Oh, they’ve actually been told we leave at 7. That’s why we’re hopeful they’ll be there by the real leaving time”.

Literal children. And…a bonding trip? Why do we behave like it’s summer camp? I just want to train.

“Stop frowning”, says Fran.

“Tell me you also find this trip ridiculous. And if it’s bonding we need to do, why are the men there?”

“I don’t know. It’s always done like this”, she shrugs. “Just don’t make it too obvious how much you hate Mount so you two aren’t paired together for literally every activity”.

“What?”

The look she gives me says it all. Of course, they’ve all noticed.

                              **

8.20 am on Monday and we’re all waiting for Mount and Havertz. What a surprise!

Well, actually Havertz being late is surprising. Aren’t Germans supposed to be very punctual? I guess it’s Mason’s bad influence.

“There they are”, I hear someone say and we all lift our eyes to see the car approaching. 

I just shake my head and roll my eyes. They are still taking their time leaving the car and approaching our bus.

“Hurry up, Mount!”, I tell him when he finally makes it to the bus.

“Good morning to you too, beautiful”.

“It’d be good if I didn’t have to spend it with you”.

The coaches are coming closer to us and I see Mason smiling at me as if he has just listened to the little demon on his shoulder.

“You want to sit with me on the plane? I don’t know. I usually sit with Kai but since we’re supposed to be bonding…”.

“What are you talking…”.

“Oh, that sounds brilliant”, says Potter. Should I tell him I’m a Slytherin?

“No, he’s joking”, I say with a fake laugh. “You know our Mounty. He’s a comedian. But he wants to sit with his bestie, of course. I’ll sit with one of the girls”.

“No no no”, says Mason, putting his arm around my shoulder and making me feel very uncomfortable. “I’ll do anything to make the new star of the team feel at home”.

Will they send me back to Arsenal if I punch him?

                                   **

“You are going to spend the whole camp fighting, aren’t you?”, asks Pernille when we’re on the bus. But she doesn’t look annoyed. She looks amused.

“I’ll ignore him and hope he ignores me too”.

“I think he likes you”, she says.

“Well, even if he did”, which he doesn’t, “...not interested”.

Thankfully, the conversation is interrupted by others players asking if we want to play Uno to kill some time. And so that’s what we do.

Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Mason sitting next to Kai and looking at something on their iPad. They keep on laughing every couple of seconds. God knows what childish thing they are watching.

                                    **

“Emma, honestly. I rather sit with the girls”.

I’m trying really hard to avoid sitting with Mason for two whole hours, but nothing I say is convincing her.

“It’s a bonding trip. If someone needs to bond, it’s you two”.

I guess they all have really noticed what’s going on. Great.

“Hello, travel buddy”.

I close my eyes and sigh when I hear his voice.

“I want a coffee”, I say.

“No one is stopping you from having one”, answers Mason, confused.

“Get me a coffee. If you want to sit next to me, get me a coffee. And a toastie. And a muffin. And maybe a smoothie. Check if they have any with blueberries”.

“You’re serious”.

“I don’t joke when muffins are involved, Mount”, I say, giving him a 20-pound note. “Get yourself some sweeties too”.

I can see him staring at the money in his hand and then he just leaves and walks to the nearest Starbucks. I actually can’t believe he’s going to buy me food. I was just trying to make him uncomfortable so he would leave me alone.

“We’re going to board now. You coming?”

But I don’t know whether I should wait for Mason or not. I can’t believe I feel bad about leaving him behind. 

“Here you go, bestie”, he says, passing me the cup of coffee and putting a bag on the floor next to me.

“Thanks”.

And because I don’t really know how I’m feeling right now but I do know he’s making me uncomfortable again, I just take the bag and start eating. Even though I’m not really hungry.

After taking a couple of bites of my toastie, I hear a weird noise. What was that?

And then I hear it again.

“Mount? Is that your stomach?”

“Eh…yeah. I didn’t have breakfast today”.

“Why didn’t you get something for you when you were at the coffee place?”

“I don’t know”, he shrugs.

“Here”, I tell him, cutting the toastie in half and giving him the bit I didn’t bite on.

“You don’t have to. It’s your breakfast”.

“I’m not even that hungry”.

“Then why did you make me buy all of that for you?”, he asks.

“I don’t know”, I say, shrugging and copying his expression from before, which makes him smile.

He takes the toastie and devours it in no time. He really was hungry.

So when I take the muffin, I do the same.

"You don't…".

"Just take it", I say, eating my half of the muffin quickly so I can get my Kindle out and do some reading.

Mason eats the muffin just as fast as he ate the toastie and starts to look at what I'm doing.

"What kind of iPad is that?", he asks, moving closer so he can read what's on my screen.

"It's not an iPad, it's a Kindle. You know? To read books".

"I don't read".

"I'm not surprised by that fact", I say under my breath.

"Maybe you can read to me so I fall asleep. You have such a soothing voice".

That makes me choke on the coffee I'm trying to finish.

"I have a what?"

My voice can be described by many adjectives but I don't think soothing is one most people will use.

"Yes", he says, feigning seriousness. "I love it. But I'm still wondering when it's that I like it better. When you call me an asshole or when you order me around?"

I have to turn around so he doesn't see my smile.

"I never called you an asshole", I say.

"You said it with your eyes".

"Oh yeah? Were my eyes soothing too?"

"No, they are just beautiful".

This…I don't know how to do this. Whatever this is.

"Well, I'll use them to read now".

And the conversation is over.

                                   **

By the time we are about to land in Scotland, I've managed to make a lot of progress with my book. I love a good thriller.

And Mason…well, he did fall asleep. But didn't need me to read to him in order to do that. 

Every time I turned to look to the left, I saw his head getting closer to my shoulder. Until it found its destination. 

I couldn't help but look at him. He was definitely prettier when he was asleep. The less he talks, the better. 

"Sir, we are going to land", tells him a flight attendant and that finally wakes him up.

"Oh, yes. Sorry".

It's then he notices me.

"Sorry".

"It's ok. At least you didn't drool".

He laughs and keeps staring at me. I'm not usually a fan of people doing that. And it's especially weirder when Mason does it. The way he looks at people is so…intense.

"You need to fasten your seatbelt", I say and turn to busy myself putting everything back in my bag.

                                   **

When we reach the place we'll be staying at, I'm lost for words. It really is a camp.

"Is this a joke?", I ask, not being able to stop my shock.

"What? It's fun!", says Azpilicueta.

"I'm actually shocked that you primadonnas can stay in this type of place without throwing a tantrum. I love camping".

“You aren’t worried about Jason coming out of the woods to murder us all?”, laughs Fran.

“No, she’s got enough dealing with Mason. No need for a Jason”, jokes Kai, making everyone laugh.

Everyone but me. I just leave them there and go find my cabin. I’m tired and I want to get changed.

“Ignore them. They just love to always take the piss out of each other”, tells me Emma while she walks towards the cabin with me.

“Oh, I don’t care. I’ll just stay with the girls most of the time anyways, since Connor isn’t here”.

“Are you friends with him? I didn’t know”.

“I am. We actually met years ago and became quite close”.

I was actually hoping to be able to do a bit of catching up with him, but he’s nowhere to be seen.

“He’ll be here in a couple of days”.

“Really?”, I say, happy to know that. “I thought he was missing the whole camp because of his injury”.

“No, he’ll join you soon”.

                                 **

Once we leave our cabins, I feel the need to explore right away. But the team is allowing some free time for everyone to settle here and no one wants to come with me. So I go by myself.

I don’t dare go inside the woods, since I’m not familiar with this place yet but I go around it, enjoying the stunning views. Wifi doesn’t seem to work well here, or at all, but the camera doesn’t need any Internet to take photos. So that’s what I do. The place is truly breathtaking.

While I’m focusing on getting the right angle for a photo, I notice something moving. Was that an animal? They didn’t tell us about dangerous animals being around but one can never be too sure.

But then the animal gets closer and I see it’s a very dangerous one. One called Mason Mount.

“Are you following me?”, I ask.

“You think too highly of yourself. Why would I follow you?”

“To murder me?”

“It’s should be me who worries”, he says, sitting next to me. “I don’t hate you. You hate me”.

“I don’t…hate you”.

“You do a pretty good hating me impersonation then”.

I sigh and shake my head. He just doesn’t get it.

“Mason. I just don’t like people like you. When we first met you were so arrogant. Every question we both got was answered by you. You ignored me completely”.

“I did?”, and when he turns to look at him, he seems genuinely confused.

“You don’t remember that day?”

“No, I do remember that day. But I didn’t ignore you. I was…intimidated by you”.

“I was intimidated by you”, I say, annoyed at the misunderstanding that took place.

“Then we are both stupid”.

“Yes, but you are more stupid than me”.

I get up to look at one of the trees in front of us. The leaves are so beautiful.

“Do you want me to take a picture of you?”, asks Mason.

“What?”

“With the tree. I can take pretty good photos you know”.

“Sure”.

I give him my phone and go back to the tree.

“Smile”, he says, and I do. “Look at you smiling at me. Miracles in Scotland!”

                                   **

When we are walking back to the camp, I feel…strange. It’s nice to sort of have fixed things with Mason but it also confuses me. I’ve always felt conflicted by the mixed feelings I have whenever he is around. 

And even though our attitude has definitely changed, we still are paired together for every single activity, which doesn’t help.

We are taught how to shoot an arrow and I end up pretending I don’t already know how to do it. Mason, of course, thinks he already knows how to because he is Mason Mount and he knows how to do everything. But instead of being snarky, I let him think that. And I let him “teach” me because I guess it’s quite nice to have him so close to me.

When it rains, we are taken inside to do a painting class. And we have to paint a portrait of our partner. My one is actually pretty decent but Mason’s is…it’s a portrait. Of me? I’m not sure. The face he did doesn’t look particularly human but maybe he’s an abstract artist.

What I do know is that by the time I go back to my cabin, I have smudges of paint all over my chin from the times he touched it to move my face and get a better look at it. Judging by the final result, it wasn’t very helpful. But I also let him do it because I guess it was quite nice to feel his fingers caressing my face.

On day 2, we are finally going to the woods. I cannot wait!

Mason is my partner, again. And the girls won’t stop joking during breakfast about how friendly we looked yesterday. 

“Didn’t you want us to get on well? Well, I’m trying”.

“Yes”, says Fran, “you seem to be suffering a lot with the effort made”.

But I just ignore them and get ready for the day, making sure I have my camera with me. Today is going to be such a great day.

[satanicsanity]

Wow, there's been.. A lot going on huh?

Hello my loves! I just wanted to come back around for just a moment, chat a little bit about what's happening with the Welcome-home Fandom! (and partially about why I've been gone longer than originally planned)

I might not explain all of this the best, I apologize in advance for that

In all honesty... This is an incredibly unfortunate rough-patch. The p3dophiles, the r34 art not getting tagged correctly, and quite a bit more.

It makes me very upset that such a wonderful Fandom has people that were in it.. that seem to be really dragging things down for everyone else. It all makes me feel very drained, unsafe, uncomfortable, and not really inspired to make content anymore currently. Many of my fellow mutuals are also taking a break from welcomehome, because of these circumstances.

And I try to separate those people causing trouble from the Welcome-home Fandom in general, and syntheticcharmva had mentioned about on their Twitter, because of course one's wrong doing should not reflect the ENTIRE Fandom... At least in my opinion. However there has been a lot of continuous unfortunate events that have taken place, making this all very... Messy and feel very unsafe. (hope that makes some sense and comes across correctly)

I deal with mental health issues as I've mentioned previously, which is why I decided to take a break in the first place due to the severity... But the current issues the Fandom seems to be facing, are not making me feel excited at all to get back into working again. To put in simple terms, it's putting me down even further and It's putting others down as well.

Do I plan on returning and doing more wally audios, and more, at some point?? Yes absolutely! And I have a lot of content on my Welcome-home au that's in the workshop, and looking at all the lovely requests you guys make, makes me very happy!

But now with what's happening with the Fandom and the trouble makers, (setting my own original reason for taking a break aside) Makes me very nervous to return. And my break might string on longer than I thought because of this... since my original reason for taking a break from tumblr... Is now not my only reason. If... That makes any sense at all.

All this to say... I do miss you all dearly, but I'm going to stay very quiet for a while until two things happen,

1. The Fandom cleans out from all that's happened/happening

2. My mental health is in a good enough state for me to continue

Is the entire welcome Fandom bad? Hell no, that's not at all what I'm trying to say at all! A lot of people in the Fandom are just trying to have fun, and they're amazing people! But there are people making things very uncomfortable (especially for minors, such as myself) and very messy. I don't know this all is.. A bit hard to describe and talk about so I apologize if I explain things improperly, or in a confusing way.

All on all... Things aren't great, and I'm going to stay away from posting for a bit longer until things improve for myself and for the Welcome-home community. I still do consider myself part of the Fandom and will show all the love and support I can, I just won't be posting for a bit longer, as I've been doing.

I am so so greatful for your guys support, kindness, and kind words I very much am <3 and I will return... But with everything going on I need more time as I no longer feel very safe or comfortable currently.

I hope you are all well and staying on the brighter side of things 💕💕💕 I dearly hope that things get... Better. Not perfect of course, (because no Fandom is) but.. better! Again thank you for the support and all of the encouragement, kind words, you peeps make me smile a lot! So thank you 💕

I cannot wait to see you all again, hopefully soon... Hopefully <3 Much love my Darlings

[jascurka]

this is purely out of curiosity and i don't want to send hate your way, but do you ship mob and reigen? and if so, why?

I do, yeah. An ex-friend of mine asked me the exact same question (just more... harshly I think and with what I assumed was prejudice) before they decided to part our ways and I could never properly answer them because I was so stressed by the situation, it was hard to gather my thoughts. So I'll do my best to explain here, hopefully to make myself understood better.

Sorry if this gets lenghty >_< I'll just put a readmore right here.

I think the biggest reason for why I like them is their canon relationship that has been explored in the series already quite thoroughly - that they have changed eachother, helped eachother grow and one wouldn't be the person they are without the other. I think most of us understand the depth of it. Reigen is Mob's teacher and friend, someone like an older brother. There surely is a strong bond between them and they've seen each other at their best and worst and still acknowledged and accepted eachother's flaws. They trust eachother, they would give their life for eachother even (at least Reigen would, he almost did in the finale after all). And I do think that they love eachother but in a way that isn't actually romantic in canon. I'm perfectly capable of realizing that and I value it a lot both in the series and in fanworks (one of my fav works of fanfiction is about exactly that).

It was my curiosity that made me search up a ship fic of them, I was just confused why people ship them in the first place and whether it can be good and I found myself enjoying it a lot (to my surprise). It was set into the future, and dealt with some serious topics like loss and acceptance, it was kind of bittersweet. Then I felt that maybe it was just slightly ooc because all of the serirei fics I was busy reading depicted Reigen slightly different. Nontheless, I had the other ship on my mind then so I never really dived into Mob/Reigen, but it changed my perspective on them a lot.

And at some point into all this I realized, why not? Why can't I haz 2 cookies? (god im sorry that was terrible sfjgsdkj). What I mean is that the buildup canon offers can be taken further - more of their relationship can be explored in terms of new tropes, sometimes romantic too.

On a personal note I'll just add that I'm rather picky about them and tend to stick to fluff, hurt/comfort and slow slow burns. And I like them most post-canon, a few years into the future. It turns out that it all depends on how they're portrayed for me to like them anyways. I talked on here recently about a work that really had it all and portrayed their relationship in a very satisfying and mature way, with all the complicated feelings, it felt very realistic, especially on Reigen's side. So if anyone wants, here's a rec from me again -> in my dreams (I seem to be more honest) on ao3, just because I think it has all that I like about the ship.

I think that this is the whole point of fanworks - to kind of look further and have fun with it, to see "what if?". Even if it's something sort of.. taboo I guess? Because you get to take it apart in a fictional dimension (if that makes sense). And I completely understand if this is something that can ick some people out or that someone doesn't want to ruin their perception of the characters' relationship. That's totally fine by me and I'm not going to force anyone into liking the ship of course. And there are definitely tropes and tags I really don't want to look into - not everything is for me either.

And I think this goes without saying but I'll add it here anyways: what I like to see in fiction doesn't mean I would like or encourage anyone to do the same thing in real life! It's just interesting to explore from a safe distance where no one can get hurt.

[xemily-similex]

Paper Hearts Break All The Same (PT 1-2)

Here is a snippet/draft for the Mechanic v Y/N DCA fic I've been writing. I just need opinions???? I might use it in the fic or it can be just a stand alone thing. Also, this exact scene/chapter is going to be three parts on here bc of the word limit. PT 2

Set right after the Y/N gets into the picture. Mechanic confesses (Oh my!) and Sun is taking a page from his Help Wanted 2 book and just shredding it! (Not literally but close enough)

TW- Destruction (possibly accidental) of crafts we worked hard on, Sun is being an ass, Y/N makes an appearance, Reader has is bad for DCA (cue Usher's You Got It Bad), DCA is mean for a minute, not slay bestie (Does this seem too cliche, does it make sense, is reader an okay person? Relatable? BAD?! what is off about it? Help chat)

You fidget, pressing down on a sticker you put on the big flashy heart in your hands. You bought out the school supplies section of the local super store to make them.

An exaggeration, but not by much.

You used your neon posterboard and cut it into two wonky looking heart shaped cards. You tried making them look fancy with squiggly lined edges. It's uneven but you're out of any posterboard for more attempts.

You tried making up for it by bombarding it with stickers and cutesy doodles and glitter.

So much glitter.

Glitter glues, pens and loose glitter itself is plastered all over your admittedly childish confession letter.

Of course, you've written the cheesiest, corniest declaration of love.

You wrote from your heart and that is what matters, isn't it? It will certainly get your point across.

You are smitten with the Attendant. You want to kiss them until they blue screen. Hold hands romantically.

It felt fitting for the goof you were giving it to, but you are worried that they'll hate the glitter and you by extension. They use glitter all the time in the Daycare but it's so messy and Sun is always saying how much he hates cleaning it up and-

What's done is done, there's no going back now. You mustered up enough courage to give them this, literally and metaphorically, your heart and you were going to do it tonight.

No more chickening out. You were going to do it this time.

Going back and re-doing your letter will just give you time to back out and you can't afford that. Not everything can be perfect, and if they feel for you like you do for them even a little, it'll be just fine. They have surely gave off enough hints that they did.

But what if they didn't and you are just being hopeful?

Shut up, brain.

The Plex was nearing closed, and the Daycare should be empty besides the Attendant and his assistant. You can't place it, but the assistant gets on your nerves. Hopefully they have already gone home for the day.

You smile, feeling giddy and dizzy and stupid and your legs and arms were shaking, and your stomach felt like it was twisting but in a good way? It was hard to explain, you felt like you were going to be sick, but it was a good feeling.

Walking past the SLIDE INTO FUN, which you're tempted to go down but decide that it could very much crumple the hearts you spent hours making, so you pass it by.

Stealing yourself a look over the railing and down into the Daycare because you can't help yourself, you see Sun cleaning the Daycare with the assistant.

Something ashy settles in your chest when you see them, the assistant. You can't put a finger on it, but maybe it'll pass as you get to know them. They were a new hire after all, and you warm up to people like an ice cube in the sun. (Slowly)

Their being here could hinder what you're about to do, but you're too excited to let them stop you. They can probably use a break from Sun, anyways. He is terribly known to be quite harsh with anyone new working with him. You are usually the one to help Sun clean up, but he insisted earlier that the assistant can take that over since it was in their job description and he has this crazy check list in his head that his handlers have to go through to be deemed worthy, and therefore needed tested. You didn't argue with it.

After going down the steps two at a time, you knock on the open door. "Knock, knock?" You announce yourself, and yes, it's cheesy but you are giddy from love, okay?

Sun doesn't automatically bound up to you like normally, and you're a tad bit disappointed, but you can't expect him to just up and drop everything for you, especially since he still has company and work to do.

You aren't that kind of person.

You'll even help them, but you wanted to talk to him first. Confess.

You would wait until later, but you feel your stomach trying to come out of your throat in anticipation.

You enter, looking around for your jester. Yours. You giggle excitedly, the idea that hopefully after you can find them and give them your sappy cards that they will be yours, and in turn, you theirs.

Maybe you should have a modicum of self-awareness that they can very easily say ew, no just as well. You try to keep a balanced outlook, preparing for both outcomes.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist that you are failing to do that as you skip to the back looking for them.

[lollipopsub]

Hey!! I was wondering if you knew the timeline of season 2 of my beautiful man? I'm kind of confused. Is it supposed to be that hira and kiyoi have been together all through college? Or am I wrong about the timeline of the first season, because I thought that the finale of season 1 was during hira's first year of college. I'm just surprised that they seem still so unsure of their relationship if they've been a couple for years? Hopefully I'm making sense 😅 thank you so much if you take the time to read this 💖

Hi! Thanks for the ask. So compared to the timeline of the book, they're jumbling things up a little. The story with the party and the model hitting on Hira happens at the end of book 1 as a little sidestory, so canon they're still very young and just started dating.

In the series, supposing they get together at the end of Hira's year 1, and now he's halfway through year 4, they've been dating for close to 3 years I guess? Though I do reckon the decision to skip to this point in time (both novel and show) was made because of the life decisions they're going to have to make at this point in their lives, so maybe not too much thought have been put into the fact that it means they've been dating for so long.

If we expect this relationship to develop the way most relationships do, we're probably not gonna like what we'll be getting. These two emotionally constipated babes both have way too complicated perceptions of human relationships for this to have ever been an option. It's like asking a spoon to be a fork, it just ain't happening.

My point is, I don't think they are unsure of the relationship; they each know that they only have eyes for one another, but the balance in the relationship is just so completely off still. And this is basically what this season is gonna revolve around :)

!!!! POSSIBLE SPOILER !!!!!!

aka my interpretation of what the story might possibly revolve around based on the book 2 synopsis and 1st novel

I think it's hard to say much yet, but the synopsis for the show revolves around how their ways of loving each other is clashing terribly.

Hira lives in a world that is very hierarchy based and very black/white. He is at the bottom of the pyramid and Kiyoi is at the top. Their worlds are different and they can never truly co-exist on an even level; this world that Hira lives in is almost completely static, and he has no desire to move further up the social pyramid, which in his mind would be the only way for him to deserve Kiyoi.

He does not even see the possibility that Kiyoi chooses to go against this pyramid system Hira's made up. This reality does not occur to him because it simply is not an option. He never thought of it as one, so it genuinely is unfathomable to him. If you went back in time and met someone from the 60s, you wouldn't expect them to be able to explain the internet to you because it doesn't exist in their world and their reality. It's the same idea. It's not that he doesn't want to; he genuinely can't and he also is not aware that he is "lacking" something.

I feel like he still believes Kiyoi is with him as a sort of act of pity or sheer boredom. Hira's purpose is to worship Kiyoi and to be this close to him, even being intimate with him, is making Hira into a sinner committing a mortal, unforgivable sin. He should not be doing what he is doing; he does not deserve it qua his position in the hierarchy of the world. He would need to change everything about himself in order to be a deserving mate for Kiyoi; which I think is what he means when he says he needs to do better. He needs to be better; being himself the way he is now will never be someone who could ever deserve anything good.

ON THE OTHER HAND... Kiyoi may also not have a healthy relationship with love and commitment, but he truly, innerly and deeply wants to be loved. He wants to be the most important one to someone, he wants to be wanted more than anything and anyone else. He initially yearned for the kind of blind fiery, almost violent love that fans give to their idols, because he just wanted to be seen by anyone at all. He grew up feeling like an after-thought and a second choice; his mom was too busy with work, then his younger siblings came around and they were more important than him, so no one paid any mind to him and he was important to no one. Now, with time passing, he knows to himself that he doesn't want just anyone, he wants Hira and Hira only. He tries to navigate the world that Hira lives in, but Kiyoi's person and his free will does not exist in it; how is one supposed to exist in a world where you are not even perceived as a human with feelings and flaws and wants and desires?

I think this show is going to challenge even more how unreliable a narrator Hira has been for the viewer: I personally think that the sole reason some view this show as toxic is because they do not realize that Hira is a terrible narrator. We are not by any means given the whole picture and the whole truth, which is what is shown in the last two episodes of season 1, and I believe it will be shown even more in this show because of a less narrow POV.

Anyways, I might very well be wrong - haven't read the second novel yet, so I'm just based it all off of ~vibes~ and a synopsis.

[hershelchocolate]

Gregory was the one to crash the elevator, not the Mimic

Hi I'm making a theory post because me and my bestie are so fucking deep in thinking about Ruin and how it completely changes the game of Era 2 fnaf so bear with me! This one has a long road to get there, but it'll be worth it I promise.

First off, just to establish some ground rules, I am following what Scott himself said about the books when they first came out and refusing to see book-only events as canon. Nothing about the Mimic we see in Ruin can be tied to the version from the books, so I'm not going to be using ANY book material as evidence unless it's also been shown in the games. The books have always taken plot points and twisted them to make something new, the Mimic is no different.

I also think Gregory deserves to be a little shit sometimes but that actually didn't cause this theory, it was a whole thing and I am forcing you all to follow along with me

(All images I use to explain things (as well as some of the points I make) were sent to me by @arcaneyouth thanks for taking the time to go through the game bestie!)

Okay. Hopefully this makes sense.

1. The Mimic that we know goes as far back as Help Wanted

I know I said this was going to be a long rant, so yes we are indeed going this far back so I can establish some things I find vital. After Ultimate Custom Night, Help Wanted was a HUGE shift in the franchise, to the point where everything after UCN is basically its own timeline. Fazbear Entertainment exists, and they did commit crimes, but Scott exists in-universe and there's no evidence Afton is anything more than a fictional villain FE can point fingers to.

Enter: the Mimic

It's been here the entire time, taking the form of Glitchtrap and learning through the code put into the game. All of its distorted voice lines are taken right from Tape Girl's files, and it seems to be emulating the thing that made people so fascinated with fnaf: the murders and who did them. So, it picks the form of a yellow bunny, but it's distorted. Spring Bonnie has never properly existed, so it chooses its own shape, which is easier as Help Wanted is entirely digital (similar to the AR world in Ruin).

Now, the most important part of this is hard mode night terrors: Pizza Party.

Now, it's implied in Help Wanted that you are simply testing this game. You are the next beta tester from the company that got sent the game after Tape Girl's got shut down. The game is unfinished, and still contains her tapes as well as things that wouldn't usually be there during a finished game (I can see why they kept the unfinished Showtime button in there because of this, and why there are some random events that can happen).

So because of this, it's very possible that Pizza Party...doesn't exist.

They didn't have a finished ending to the game yet, but the Mimic had been watching you play, and wanted to keep going. Maybe it was studying you, maybe it was studying the game, but it needs the game to be on to study either. So, to give you a fun final challenge, it creates Pizza Party.

It doesn't make sense. Corridors connect to each other in strange ways, bits and pieces of every single minigame are strewn about randomly, with characters only doing the simplest of actions (Chica going for a pizza, Marionette sitting in its box, Springtrap standing in a doorway, etc.) All of this leads to that finale we all know and love; taking Freddy's place on stage.

And here is where the first thing relevant to Ruin comes into play.

One thing from this ending dialogue doesn't match up. It's in that third image.

The narrator refers to himself in the first person.

Now forgive me if I'm wrong, but he has NEVER done that in this game before. It's always "we" or "Fazbear Entertainment". Never "I", or in this case "my". It even replicates the exact phrasing and structure of the sentence before it, it's the same sentence. This is the Mimic.

And here's the proof;

2. It literally does the exact same thing in Ruin (aka: how it affected the VANNI system)

Now, those of you who have played Ruin may have noticed that, in certain dialogues, Helpi looks...different.

Points where Helpi is yellow seem to indicate times when the Mimic is manipulating what it says (anything that tells Cassie how to shut down the security, anything that gets her deeper into the Pizzaplex. Helpi only goes back to blue to clarify what it said to keep her safe while doing it).

But there's one other thing that's different

Just look at all of those instances of first person language.

And, in case you're wondering, Helpi NEVER does this

Helpi talks in a very corporate way, always only referring to Cassie herself. Helpi isn't a character, it's a tutorial program.

This implies one really huge thing: The Mimic has access to the VANNI network and what it can do. It's using this to push Cassie further into the Pizzaplex, but there's also one thing in particular it's connected to.

3. The Mimic learned how to splice together sentences after connecting to the VANNI network

As stated before, the Glitchtrap in Help Wanted is heavily implied to be the Mimic (there is SO much more evidence I didn't touch on) but the most important part was what I stated before: It was using dialogue from other people to make its own sentences. But not in the same way it does in Ruin.

In Help Wanted, ALL of the dialogue implied to be from the Mimic is direct sentences it has taken in their entirety. It's not making something new, it's just repeating back what it's heard. That's clearly not the case in Ruin, it's talking all the time! It's able to instruct Cassie on what to do!

But, all of the things it says are bits and pieces from Gregory's dialogue in Security Breach. ALL of it. It just learned, through Helpi and the VANNI system, how to start piecing together its own sentences that still make sense. In fact, you can hear it very clearly right when you get towards Roxy Raceway, and Gregory announces he "finally has a clear signal", one that lets you hear exactly where all those cuts in the dialogue are happening.

Almost immediately after you deactivate Roxy, you get this popup

After this happens, there are only a few things the Mimic says to you.

All of these are direct 1 to 1 quotes that Gregory himself has said in Security Breach. (The exception being Cassie's name, but the Mimic would have had to heard him say it at some point in the first place to have been using it all this time)

As soon as the VANNI network became disconnected, the Mimic no longer had access to what it was using to splice together audio.

The fact that "you saved me!" is said differently twice is even proven by Help Wanted where, even though the line it copies in that ending dialogue is just said again, it's delivered differently.

Which leads to the ENTIRE point of this post: the Mimic did NOT interrupt Gregory in the elevator.

It has been proven even without all of this in-game that the Mimic isn't quite that good at fully replicating things yet. You can hear the splices as soon as you get close enough to it, it even points out that it finally has a clear signal, which was the reason Cassie never noticed before. Not to mention that Gregory never said anything like his speech before. None of that dialogue was in Security Breach.

None of the elevator speech was the Mimic. That was all Gregory.

[bellarkeandclintashaandsuch]

Be My Favorite Ep. 9 - Thoughts Part 2

So I had even more thoughts.

I love Pisaeng offering to be Kawi's Sugar Daddy. But I also love Kawi saying they need a more equal relationship to make it last and that he needs to take more care. Communication is key! But poor Pisaeng. He just wants his boyfriend to have a phone that won't die all the time, so he can call him when he wants.

I think that Kawi took it rather well, walking in to a classroom gossiping about his brand new relationship with Pisaeng. Pear was still his focus because he really wants to do right by her. Even though they'll never date in this timeline, he really cares about her.

And it shows just how close Pear and Pisaeng are when she goes to him specifically to ask about Kawi, but ends up opening up to him about her mom. Because Pisaeng is her best friend, and she needed to talk this out with him. And I very much appreciate that Pisaeng didn't lie about his feelings for Kawi. That was probably a hard conversation for both of them, but they were still honest with each other. Communication is key for romance and friendship!

And she was clearly upset, but she held it together, and told Kawi she wasn't ready to listen to him right now. Pear did turn Kawi down, but they both obviously thought they were moving in the direction of a relationship, so it makes sense that she would be hurt.

It was such a nice surprise that they confronted Pisaeng telling Pear the truth in this episode and that Kawi didn't blow up at Pisaeng about it. He's just sad that he couldn't be the one to tell Pear and hopefully save her some heartache. And I like that they talked about Kawi wanting to set everything right. And Pisaeng feeling kind of sad that that doesn't just mean them being together. But Kawi explaining that many people were affected by the changes he made, and he doesn't just want himself and Pisaeng to have a good life, but for everyone around them. And speaking of everyone around them... Kwan! Please! Why do you like Not! Why are you sleeping with him! What do you see in him?!

I'm not going to lie. In prior episodes, I thought if Kwan wanted him, maybe he could get a redemption, if he really worked on himself. But after this? No way! He literally told her he doesn't "feel that much" about her! What the heck! He couldn't even be bothered to show her kindness or to be empathetic when she started crying! I really thought he would try to reassure her even if he was lying. Or do something! Anything!

It was very sweet seeing Pear ask Not to not tell anyone about Pisaeng and Kawi, because they're her friends, and she wants them to be comfortable in their new relationship and to be comfortable to come out when they want to. And I have to apologize, Pear. I was really worried that you would agree to go out with Not. I mean, you do have a track record of jumping from your crush to whoever is crushing on you after getting turned down. But I was wrong, and you were even nice in turning down Not of all people. I'm so sorry for doubting you, queen!

Basically everything on the balcony was amazing. Pisaeng saying that they can get through everything together. That Kawi can't live thinking the future will be awful. Kawi assuring Pisaeng that he wants to keep dating. Pisaeng telling Kawi that he has to have hope. Kawi telling Pisaeng his fears aren't because they're both men. Pisaeng saying there's nothing more right than them being together <3

The last photos I had in my Be My Favorite folder before this episode were these:

Such a change a couple episodes makes 😭<3

[theredpharaoah]

I don’t think Rhaena should claim any dragon. Black female characters are not interchangeable. Idk seems like laziness

I don’t think it’s lazy. Characters often get compounded in book adaptations. And I don’t think it’s implying black fem characters are interchangeable either. They already have a lot of main characters, a limited amount of screen time for episodes, seasons, just the show in general, and then there’s the actors. People don’t have huge attention spans and I’ve already seen them struggling to keep track of all the characters, their dragons, where everyone is, etc. A show doesn’t have the same freedom a book has in being able to follow and develop a lot of characters. They have to hone in on a couple.I mean ASOIAF has HUNDREDS of characters. You just can’t put that in a show. Compounding Characters is a tried and true tactic in screenwriting and it’s usually a good one.

No 2 characters should be interchangeable, but shows often collapse storylines and combine two characters into one. They kind of combined fAegon and Jon in GOT, they aged up Trystane and Myrcella and cut Quentyn and Arianne. They gave a Frankenstein of Arianne’s storyline to Ellaria. Completely cut Lady Stoneheart, Moqorro, Benerro, etc. And Fire & Blood doesn’t really develop any characters. We get skeletons of characters. Rhaena especially doesn’t have an awful lot of characterization to her, because in the book she doesn’t do anything in the Dance. And even Nettles doesn’t really have any characterization past us assuming she’s clever and loyal.

Then there’s also the actors. You want to give the actors a good experience and a chance to have fun too. That’s probably why they gave Eve Best’s Rhaenys the scene in Season 1. Rhaenys is such a badass in the books but we only get one scene with her really - Rook’s Rest. The season 1 scene is hard to defend - even if you do read the books and know something about medieval norms - but I like it because it helps flesh out Rhaenys’ character and gave her and Meleys more than one cool moment. Phoebe Campbell’s Rhaena is so interesting and I would love for her to be able to do more in the show than she did in the books. And since her and Nettles essentially have the same relationship to Daemon, I think it’s a smart move to combine them into one character. Both Nettles and show Rhaena have always been estranged from Daemon. Both are also his daughters(it’s implied Nettles is Daemon’s bastard). It makes sense to compound those two characters. It gives the actress more stuff to do and it keeps you from having to introduce a new character to the audience and the story. And im starting to think they cast the Velaryons the way they did so they could compound Rhaena and Nettles(if this theory is true) anyway. Because Nettles is great, but she doesn’t do all that much. At least not as much as Hugh, Ulf, and Addam do for the plot. She’s actually a plot hole for the series - so is Rhaena. Until we get F&B 2, which will hopefully explain some things.

And F&B is also very flawed - so many things are obviously for plot. As I’ve said multiple times: it makes no sense to appeal to randoms on the islands to see who can ride a dragon when you have a legitimate Targaryen who isn’t bound to one. It never made sense they called for the Dragonseeds instead of calling Rhaena back to claim one of the larger dragons. If they’d done that they would’ve only needed her, and no others.

Also, Spoiler:

Rhaena’s gonna get a dragon anyway. And the show isn’t going into Aegon III’s reign to my knowledge, so it makes sense to change that and compound her and Nettles roles.

[sugaredrhubarb]

15 questions, 15 mutuals

tagged by @woodswit 💌

whose blog ive been lurking on for a bit now and whose book is near the top of my tbr so i will hopefully get to talk about soon!

1. are you named after anyone?

first name not really (tis a common noun so kinda?), but middle name is feminized version of my mum's dad

2. when was the last time you cried?

the other day from a book i think?

out of the crying everyday phase now that we're a couple weeks out from breakup so thats a yay

3. do you have kids?

i'm pretty young so no. but, i have always wanted them (got called maternal from a very young age, we don't have to talk about what that did to my psyche)

4. what sports do you play/have played?

did very minimal karate, ballet, gymnastics as a kid and then played soccer into highschool until i was too concussed <3

5. do you use sarcasm?

actually something im trying to lean on less - i try to be a kind person and find i lean on sarcasm as a defense mechanism even when its not how i want to be interacting with people

6. what's the first thing you notice about people?

probably something cliché like eyes but also the energy they are giving off and if they have humour about them, if that makes sense? not sure how to explain it other than some people are just heavier or lighter beings

7. what’s your eye colour?

dark brown, i used to not really like them but got this insane text from a guy friend™️ once so there's that

8. scary movies or happy endings?

firmly happy endings, im an absolute p*ssy with a pension for nightmares so keep scary shit away from me

9. any talents?

I'm a good talker, always could improv a speech or articulate my point well which has come in pretty handy in academic writing

i also can solo the shit out of a canoe so

10. where were you born?

born and raised in the same canadian city

i like to leave breadcrumbs of mystery

11. what are your hobbies?

reading and talking about books generally, watch quite a few sports with varying degrees of intensity (love hockey but have had a harder time with it over the past few years with how bad the culture is), a lot of time looking at/talking about politics but thats also my degree

also not sure if it counts but i really do love being a part of fandom/internet spaces

12. do you have any pets?

a family dog back home with my parents!

13. how tall are you?

about 5'9 which i think is pretty tall and i am very self conscious about

14. favourite subject in school?

oo it shifted a lot over time. i loved math early on because i picked it up really easily but that was a really hard subject to maintain when i was in and out of school for health reasons. so it moved to the humanities/lib arts

always enjoyed english and I'm a Politics, Philosophy, and Economics(bleh) major so do with that information what you will

15. dream job?

aha thinking about the future is terrifying. i'd really like to teach in the polisci field just because i have so many thoughts about the importance of education there but every now and then i consider being a librarian

or the younger wife of a rich man who wants to give me his money for books and philanthropy would work too

absolutely zero pressure tags of those i love and/or would love to get to know better: @chai-isms @ceilidho @ohbo-ohno @heatherdewhoney @ghosts-cyphera @winterrose527 @thegoodbutter @bluemoonjeans

and anyone else who would like to but im shy and terrified of annoying people (ill bring it up to my therapist)