#hopefully this angst is good?

[gothic-mothic]

I feel like that stanley had suffered through a lot...

No big deal !

Narrator’s arrival to the human world was a bit delayed. Just enough time for Stanley to start his new life, get a job and apartment, make friends, give up searching for his Narrator and convince himself that The Parable wasn’t real in the first place

And of course, it’s no big deal that he can’t talk to anyone about this because they’ll think he’s insane. Just gotta bottle it all up, easier said than done

[katsu2ji]

too little, too late — m. fushiguro

a/n: megs i love u im sorry

megumi didn't realize how much you meant to him until it was far too late.

you had somehow settled in his heart, and whether you had meant to or not, he knew it was a dangerous game he was playing. he couldn’t let himself get attached—couldn’t stand to lose someone again—and so he didn’t. he tried his best to keep you at an arm’s length, denying the feeling any time a single thought of you would seep into his mind.

he wouldn’t—he couldn’t—allow himself that small bit of happiness, of warmth. he didn’t want to feel that familiar ache in his heart, and he didn’t want you to feel it either. he was protecting you, he told himself. he was stopping the inevitable before it even started.

he didn't realize how much you meant to him when the dagger had been driven through your body and into your heart, inadvertently into his own. he questioned why his world stopped right then and there, why it seemed as though the ground had been ripped out from under him.

he’d seen death before—this was no different, right? he knew it would happen eventually, just another casualty that shouldn’t have happened but happened anyway….so why couldn’t he tear his eyes away?

look away, for fuck’s sake, look away—

when your body hit the floor, he knew in that moment that he would make himself play that sound over and over again—he would never let himself forget it. he wasn’t allowed to, he told himself, for a reason unbeknownst to him then.

years later, when the day comes around and he sits in front of your resting place, reading your name off of the stone that he has memorized every jagged line and imperfection of, it was then that he finally realized just how much you meant to him.

and he would never get the chance to tell you. too little, too late.

katsu2ji © 2024. please don't copy, modify, or do anything of the sort with my work! i work very hard and you simply do not have my permission.

[zu-is-here]

More dark kcrm (just two of them heh) for the birthday fruit @orange-dreamzer <3

[coladaminx]

(ง︡'-'︠)ง I’m ready to fight whoever deprived this man of his childhood

[nooripoori]

our my baby

~a rosquez fic - pt1

word count : 467

just a little something that has been in my notes for days now…

On media day of the 2015 Malaysian GP, Marc found out that he was pregnant, and he wanted to tell Vale but each time he saw him he kept chickening out and then due to the chaos that ensued during the race, Marc choose not to tell Vale altogether, fearing that he might not believe him. Faced with a difficult decision, Marc resolved to keep the baby and had decided to step away from racing in the 2016 season. Together with his team, he carefully planed the narrative and actions they would tell the public.

With only one race remaining in the season, Marc didn’t have to keep his secret from the media for long, and since he wasn't visibly showing, no one suspected anything. His doctor had confirmed that everything with the pregnancy was progressing well, though he emphasized the importance of relaxation, warning that the stress Marc was experiencing could adversely affect the baby.

The season came to a close, but the torrent of hatred and vile remarks directed at him persisted. He did his best to shut it all out, even abandoning his phone, which Alex had taken away to shield him from the negativity. Yet, even in his hometown, whispers of disdain followed him, as people spoke behind his back. During every doctor’s visit, he was reminded of the importance of staying calm, as the stress was affecting the baby. But despite his best efforts, he found it nearly impossible to relax. The pregnancy had made him more vulnerable and emotional, and while he tried not to internalize the cruel words, he couldn’t help but question their truth. He wondered if vale Valentino was right—if he was indeed dangerous and reckless. Days were spent in torment, doubting whether he was fit to raise a child when he felt like a threat to those around him.

Marc had gone out with his family to try a new restaurant that Alex had been raving about. Although he couldn't eat much due to his aversion to the smell of food, he still joined them. Upon returning home, they were alarmed to find the front door already open. Rushing inside, they were met with a devastating sight: the house had been completely trashed, with debris scattered everywhere, broken decorations, and vile words scrawled across the walls, directed at him and his family. In that moment, it struck him—Valentino was right. He wasn't just a danger to himself but to everyone around him. As he lost consciousness, with Alex calling out to him and his mother desperately trying to rouse him, only one thought echoed in Marc Márquez's mind: "I am a danger."

-to be continued

[lady-quen]

Hello Guild Wars 2 community! A new poll has dropped! 🐦‍⬛

(At least, hopefully new, lol.) I'm curious, which blessing did your Commander get on their first/canon go through the Raven Sanctum in the story mission "The Invitation?" Choose and tell me in the tags why they made their specific decisions :)

Compiled explanations from the wiki below for ease of access:

The trial choices in order:

Save the wounded man or save the healers

Save the spell tome or save the historical record

Save the queen or save the prince

Blessings:

Blessing of Daybreak

"When the fear of beastly claws and a child's pain is made sharp by the knowledge of elders, we make no mistakes. But do we grow?"

Healers -> historical record -> prince

Grace of Dawn

"When wisdom is favored in all things—a healing hand, a text of old, a beloved queen—we lose the sharpened sword of the truly bold."

Healers -> historical record -> queen

Consecration of Morning

"We seek to destroy monsters with sharp claws and icy breath, but do we protect ourselves from the beasts shaped like us, who prey on the young and vulnerable, who seek to rule us?"

Healers -> spell tome -> prince

Invocation of Midday

"When we flee from the things we fear most - the teeth of beasts, the storm of a dragon, a change of power-we risk running backward."

Healers -> spell tome -> queen

Supplication of Midday

"We favor the skill of healers and the wisdom of elders over the uncertainty of the future. But the young take chances, and the young push us forward."

Wounded man -> spell tome -> prince

Consecration of Evening

"We long for the comfort of a healing touch, an ancestral word of wisdom, a leader we know and trust. But comfort is fleeting, and with it comes inertia."

Wounded man -> historical record -> queen

Grace of Dusk

"We sacrifice so much—safety from the claws of death, knowledge of the ages, a steadfast reign—to propel ourselves forward. But if we move too fast, do we risk the inability to stop?"

Wounded man -> spell tome -> prince

Blessing of Twilight

"We try so hard to do the right thing. We heal, we protect our people, we preserve stability. But we cannot control how the winds of fate may shift, and a tight grip can sometimes hurt more than it helps."

Wounded man -> spell tome -> queen

[brucewaynehater101]

AU: Alfred Pennyworth

TW: death, suicide mention, murder

Alfred is an extremely talented former SIS agent who used to use his theater performances as an alias for undercover work. After the death of his father, he follows the man's wishes to become a butler for the Wayne family. He prides himself on his decorum, trained skills for being a butler, and his weapons handling. His ability to rear a child was... lacking, but Alfred learned how to balance his responsibilities as guardian and employee.

If a few threats to Bruce growing up suddenly disappeared or stopped, surely Alfred would have no knowledge of why. He'd thank the spirits of Martha and Thomas Wayne for their intervention since the butler was too busy with [task] to have been the one to have dealt with it.

Alfred is pained by Bruce's decision to don a bat suit, but he, for the most part, doesn't interfere. He allows Bruce to throw himself into danger despite how it pains Alfred to watch that.

Then Master Bruce brings home a kid from the circus.

To say Alfred was nervous about Master Dick joining the Master Bruce on the streets was an understatement. Still, it was not Alfred's place to interfere.

Then Master Bruce brings home another young lad.

Master Jason joins his family in their fight against crime.

Then they lose him.

Alfred's grief and his refusal to lose his son are the only reasons he doesn't assemble his favored Remington and eradicate the moster who took his grandson. As much as it pained the older gentleman, Bruce needed Alfred to refrain. The butler could not add the dilemma of a family member murdering someone to the younger man's shoulders.

This time, when a young lad wears bright colors to save Gotham, it is not at the behest of Master Bruce. In fact, for the first handful of months, Master Tim continues in spite of Master Bruce's discouragement. This is what saves his son from the suicidal path he was keen on taking.

Alfred, once the family finally seemed to be on the mend, often contemplates whether it's time to finally put the clown down for good. Scared of rocking the boat too much, Alfred once again refrains.

Then Master Jason returns.

It's pure chaos for a bit as the family tries to navigate all of the pain they've caused each other and the tension of their circumstances. It's certainly not an easy task, particularly due to the constant upheavals. The continuous change of people in their life (those who arrive, those who return, and those who leave forever) certainly don't help. Even though the situation is not ideal, Alfred welcomes the new children of Wayne Manor.

Then Alfred loses his son.

The older man will admit he doesn't handle the situation as well as he should have. He knew, after rough patrols and missions, that it was a possibility that his son would leave before him. Still, a part of Alfred had always denied its plausibility. Surely, after the deaths of Martha and Thomas, the world would not be cruel enough to force Alfred to bury his son.

It was.

The remaining family fell into despair, clashed, and then splintered to differing corners of the world. Alfred could only hold onto two of his grandchildren. It was an adjustment, but they managed.

Then Master Tim, in a whirlwind of his own making, brought Bruce back to Alfred once more.

This is where Alfred's restraint crumbles. With all of his family home once more, the older man swears to maintain this status no matter what Master Bruce has to say about his methods.

It's been decades since Alfred was the renowned spy with a penchant for trouble. He maintained some of his contacts but otherwise faded to obscurity. His reputation, or at least his code name, is still whispered by newer and older recruits. He was terrifying, and his success rate was impossible. There's a reason he had to fight for his retirement and that the Royal family holds him in high regard.

Alfred may not be as spry as he once was, but every single limb of his will snap before any member of his family is taken again.

The older man is ready to strike the next threat that appears. While he lies in wait, he'll continue doting on his charges.

Or, I want more Alfred characterization of John Wick and Kingsman combined

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s5 episode 1 thoughts

bouncing. bouncing up and down. off of the walls. this episode was SO good. thank you. everyone say thank you, chris carter. thank you for fainting scully, tomato lover scully, doctor scully, crying mulder, plotting mulder, breaking and entering mulder, and for skinner in general.

but back to who i was before yesterday... allow us to return to past juni.

it’s been 800 years… (and by that i mean a week and 2 days have passed since i last watched an episode)

we left off in a pretty… precarious position. so i’m interested to see where things go from here. and hopefully they will be less stressful.

but i’m so happy to be back! i swear once i finish this show i’ll have to quit my job. there will be nothing to get me through LMAO.

it sounds like mulder is going to do some breaking and entering… again, fork spotted in kitchen

how the HELL did he fake his own death… this is giving sherlock!!

god, hearing her voice trembling again as she talks about identifying his body… i did not need to relive this pain!!

so we go back to him crying and watching alien stuff on his couch the night before her big meeting

“an act of faith began with an ineloquent certainty that my journey promised the chance not just of understanding, but of recovery” <- oh… so he admits to the whole thing being about healing…

and he says that he hoped finding the truth would reunite him with his sister, which i KNOW he was thinking all along, but hearing him SAY IT is still devastating; the way he never actually said it aloud before was very impactful, and so is his decision to break that vow of silence

“a belief which i now know to be false and uninformed in the extreme” <- NOOO please do not give up my king… i do not entirely believe this kritshcgau fool

he’s sobbing. he's so pretty when he sobs even if it is sad.

“my folly revealed by facts which illuminate both my arrogance and self-deception” <- oh no… i wanted him to Realize he was being Like That... but not in this way…

so he picks up the gun, saying it would be easier to end this journey if the pain had just been his own… and oh my god......

but then the phone rings… and it’s kritshcgau? he’s trying to explain that he might have been followed after leaving his apartment, but mulder does not give a FUCK LMAO

he wants to know who this man is and if they really gave scully cancer because of him. understandable.

he’s looking around for bugs in his room as he is warned of what’s going on…. and he finds one on the ceiling!! and not the insect kind, the camera kind!!!

mulder finds someone upstairs watching him on camera and burning stuff, but then this mystery guy picks up his shotgun and shoots mulder??? maybe?? it’s hard to tell??? strategic cutoff??

(i assume it’s shotgun guy from before, but frankly i don’t remember what his face looked like, so. listen! a lot can happen in a week and two days)

ah, it feels so nice to be watching the intro again. nature is healing… and by nature i mean me.

scully gets home at midnight, checking her voicemail… she starts to get undressed for bed

“keep going, FBI woman” <- WHAT THE FUCK. 

IT’S MULDER??? she’s soooo GAGGED LMAOOO THE LOOK ON HER FACE???? i’m howling 

MULDER BABY YOU CANNOT JUST SAY THAT WHEN YOU BREAK INTO SOMEONE'S HOUSE. BAD BOY (sprays with water) (sprays with water) (sprays with-

“mulder? what are you doing? why are you sitting in my bedroom in the dark?” <- a VERY reasonable question!!!!

he says there’s a dead guy in his apartment. she’s had ENOUGH of his shenanigans, and he clarifies that he is NOT joking

he had been under surveillance for at least 2 months!!!!! that is freaky omggg… god only knows what they saw him doing

he says that he can’t talk to anyone at the bureau because this whole hoax leads back to the FBI!!!

HOLD ON PAUSE. WHY THE FUCK DOES SCULLY HAVE A POSTER OF DIFFERENT TOMATOES ON HER APARTMENT WALL. HOLD ON I’M FUCKING CRYING. STOP. THIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY. oh my gooood. 

she saw a poster of tomatoes and said you know what? this would look FANTASTIC in my apartment. 

god, scully, you truly are the best character of all time. i had no idea you felt so strongly about the humble tomato. 

i cannot complain about anything else that happens in this episode, i’m out of breath from laughing. oh my god. this is gonna get me through so much. tomorrow i’m gonna go to work and a customer is gonna yell at me and i’m just gonna smile thinking about scully’s tomato poster.

i don’t even really remember what was happening. 

okay, right, so the guy whose apartment was above mulder’s, he was destroying records of himself calling the FBI. so who in the FBI was he calling?? and must it be the one who is behind all of this??

“i will not allow this treason to prosper- not if they’ve done this to you” he says <- OKAYYYY!!! protective man is in his protective mode 🔥 you truly do LOVE to see it. it’s almost as good as scully in doctor more but let’s be honest, nothing can ever beat that.

ohhh, he says they can lie back to them!!!! sneaky sneaky man... your fox-like nature is showing

so it was HIS IDEA to have her come and make the ID on his "body" even though it was false!!??

so she was ACTING in that meeting??? WAS SCULLY A THEATRE KID?? because she sold that for real!!!!

he’s going on about how he’s asking her to lie so they can find out who this enemy from within is….

scully runs into skinner after identifying the body, who asks if it’s true that mulder is really dead, and she lies, saying yes. he wants to know if she’s okay, and she pulls the “i don’t know what to say” card, which is entirely understandable.

he asks how she made the ID if he died from a shot to the head, so she says she saw him earlier that morning and he was wearing the same clothes. and there’s a look skinner has into the distance as he tries to determine how and why they would have seen each other before 6:30 am. like you could see the gears turning in his head as if he was saying omg, so they WERE together this whole time. it’s comical, in a way. 

which also leads me to wonder, well i’m no expert in these things, but if you know someone long enough, wouldn’t you recognize them even sans face? by body alone? 

he says he’s very sorry. and when she tries to leave he very sternly calls out “agent scully >:| section chief blah blah blah thinks you’re hiding stuff” (paraphrased obviously)

skinner looks SOOO suspicious of whatever she's plotting lmaooo. and he is right to be!

meanwhile, a very alive mulder is going to the department of defense to scout some advanced research using the dead guy’s ID!! ooooo high stakes, high stakes!!!! he's narrating that if they’re busted, they’re done for good!!

now scully is in the office with the section chief. and he’s talking about someone from the DOD giving her classified information. 

they ask her for information and she’s clearly hiding stuff…. but she identifies kritshcgau!!! omg i didn't think she was going to!!

uh oh… kritshcgau sees mulder in the DOD!! “hey! how’d you get in here?” “through the front door” <- lmao he can never be serious!!

kritshcgau tells mulder to come with him… is this a trap??? 

he’s gagged because that card gives mulder LEVEL FOUR CLEARANCE which i take is a BIG DEAL

yes, it is, because it would give him access to EVERYTHING!! even the thing he wants most of all… the cure for scully’s cancer!! you can see the tears forming in his eyes at the thought… oh man. ohhh mulder…

cancer man has burst into mulder’s apartment… now what are you doing here, you freak???

OHHHH he finds a photo of mulder and samantha on his desk when they were kids... ohhhh... my heart 😭😭😭😭😭

(there’s also some art on the wall of mulder's apartment that i can’t make the details out on. one piece seems to be some sort of pastoral scene with a sheep in it? and the other seems to be abstract. does anyone know what they are? i mean, it’s no tomato poster. but still)

CSM is actually crying seeing this photo and the blood he presumes to be mulder's on the carpet, and i don’t know if he feels genuine sadness or is just heartbroken his decades long alien colonization plan has been thwarted. honestly i do think he’s sad about mulder. he seemed to be in love with both mr. and mrs. mulder tbh, and that can do things to a guy. 

he finds the secret ceiling camera...

scully is in mulder’s office now, calling someone. she pulls out the phone number shotgun guy had been calling!! holly answers it and says she is so sorry to hear about what happened to mulder…. but scully has no time to talk about these things

who is this holly? how does she know scully? are they friends? i need the backstory.

scully… you are so beautiful…. holding this paper and calling holly on the phone, telling her when the calls were placed so she can track down who shotgun man called a million times…..

OH GOD!!! IT’S SKINNER’S EXTENSION!!!

scully looks devastated by this… but just as she begins to process it all, the scientist calls her back about the ice!! she has so much on her mind, please do not make her come look at some damn ice 😭

now, i do not believe that skinner is really behind all this. if he is involved at all, it is because he made that deal with CSM to try and save her... and maybe he was tricked, but he did NOT do it willingly!

kritshcgau and mulder are talking about level four, which apparently a place and not just a classification, and is home to medical facilities!! and vast quantities of DNA storage!! from every person who has ever given blood or tissue since ww2!!! 

damn that’s crazy. how tf would you even store all that?? it’s gotta be a warehouse.

he’s saying this is the hoax into which mulder was drawn…. the US fanned the flames of UFO stories to draw attention away from the whole “mutually assured destruction” thing, which, well, not sure how well that worked out 

OPPENHEIMER MENTIONED‼️him and that damn hat…

(actually still haven’t seen that movie btw. sorry i guess. idk. i’m busy)

KHRUSHCHEV APPEARS ‼️i love to see a familiar face from my textbooks in my TV programs. it's like a crossover event.

kritshcgau says the business of america isn’t business at all, it’s war. well yeah. that is true. and the cold war was an excuse to keep spending military money with no war. which i guess that sort of maybe tracks??

writing off korea and vietnam as just countries squaring off “a few times” is kinda crazy, but his point is: no one used the big bomb.

mulder asks what we are all thinking: what does this have to do with UFOs?

well, let kritshcgau tell you, son. after roswell, the more the government denied about UFOs, the more the public believed them, which was great timing for a country developing supersonic flight

oooo, he claims they almost got caught in korea, as they were accused of using germ warfare. but it’s nothing like what they have now, like what was used for the gulf war, developed in this very building! (said with a very dramatic flourish)

this is a lot of world building at a breakneck pace, and i don’t even know if i’m supposed to believe any of it. maybe some secret top percentage of the government thinks this is true, and the tiny syndicate knows it actually isn’t. that’s my best guess.

the abductions actually did happen, he clarifies, but not by aliens. hmm. a top secret project. well without aliens what's the point?

kritshcgau says it’s about DNA control. but for what purpose???

mulder asks, why make a whole fake alien body for all this then? and kritshcgau says because scully wouldn’t have been alive to disprove the alien body if their timing had been correct!!! so he would have believed it, then they could discredit him!

kritshcgau also says his son coming back sick from the gulf war is his retribution for going along with all of this, and he's thinking there’s a cure for him somewhere in there. well i think the whole gulf war disease and advanced cancer are very different. but maybe they both have secret cures?

off mulder goes, into level 4, taking one last look at kritshcgau, who is immediately apprehended by the DOD for questioning!!!! i feel that this will be the last we see of him.

cutscene to someone racing a horse?? is it bestie well groomed man?? and his many horses??

no!! it’s the department chair guy meeting with CSM!!! CSM is pissed that he didn’t know someone was watching mulder, but the chairman denies it.

he is even MORE pissed about being cut out of this project; “i CREATED mulder” <- okay so that is not putting out the “CSM is actually his father” allegations

chair guy says that mulder is dead

OHHH BUT CSM SAYS “i’ve never underestimated mulder. i still don’t” <- DAMN!!! that’s absolutely wild… i guess it’s important to know your opponent, and how willing they would be to fake their death, and if they could pull it off or not

(CSM angrily leaves)

back to scully at the ice core guy’s lab. and again, oh my god, she’s beautiful. no no no i don’t want to hear about fetal bovine serum. what the hell does that even mean. go back to her beautiful face.

he put the junk from the ice core in the serum... the cells were dividing… into somatic development?? the beginning of a life form. she looks shocked by this, but again. idk what that means!

bleugh, the ice core sample creature... it looks ugly…….

mulder’s snooping about the level 4 area, but the DOD people are behind him, and none of the doors have opened!!! he says that if they find the cure, it will mean for sure that he has believed in a lie from the start. well, i don’t think that’s true necessarily. i mean, the abduction thing could be from an alien-government collaboration, or aliens could still be out there, just not involved with this one thing, you know?

he picks a lock (okay!! crazy skyrim reference) and finds himself in a very dark room. and i am attracted to him. don't worry about it. anyway, whatever he sees seems to shock him???

cut to a TON of CGI aliens on cots LMAO WHAT???? just laying out n about 😭 it had to smell so bad in there… i imagine aliens smell very bad

now this alien closest to him has been lovingly crafted with practical effects, which is much better. so we can see his slime. that is not the part that is better, the slime visibility; its just that practical effects look more visually convincing in such a case

scully is narrating that she had no way to reach him and talk about their discovery of an unidentified life form. which is what happens when you fake your death and go in the secret medical facility of doom.

why is he TOUCHING the nasty alien body???? EUGH!!!!!!

scully is pondering if this thing she found in the serum could be the proof of an alien or the proof of a hoax… a lot of big questions for her to handle here 

he sees some flashing lights deep in the secret corridor, and follows it…. a whole lot of strobe light action going on in here. that stuff doesn't even bother me and i was like damn, that was a lot. i imagine it was much worse for the people who already have issues with bright lights.

she says that maybe this thing in the ice core sample is biologically connected to her cancer?? 

how does this connect to all of those half-alien, half-human people they found back in arizona??!!

beautiful man is looking through the window… 

OH MY GOD HE SEES A BUNCH OF WOMEN BEING SCANNED????? WITH BRIGHT FLASHING LIGHTS?? oh man.... WHAT IS GOING ON???? what are they DOING??

what did they call it before?? inducing mega ovulation?? yikes.

BLEUGH. i paused here as scully was getting blood drawn. i am woozy. how do they fake that for filming??

she needs a southern blot, btw. if that means anything to you. to compare that culture to her own DNA.

belaughhh. she needs the match before 7. he says we can’t do that.

“it’s got to happen. everything in my life depends on it” <- YOU TELL HIM!!!

he has no idea wtf that means but is taken aback by her seriousness

NOW WHY IS SKINNER WATCHING THIS????

OHHH SHE GOES OUT AND CONFRONTS HIM!! “is this more dirty work you’re doing for the DOD??” <- OHHHHH she is NOT HOLDING BACK

he says he has the tests from the body they found in mulder’s apartment on his desk; he knows it isn't him!!! and as she compounds the lies, she compounds the consequences!!!!

OHHHHH THAT WHOLE SCENE WAS SOOOOO JUICY I’M GONNA TEAR OUT MY HAAAAAIR

“all lies lead to the truth, isn’t that right?”

“and what about your lie, agent scully? what does it lead to?”

“the truth- about the men behind what happened to me, about my abduction and the tests, about being exposed to something against my will, about being put on a table and having something implanted in me and then having my memory stolen, only to have it returned along with a disease that i was given.” (ohh she was getting more and more furious as she said this and it was SO good)

“is that your justification? if that what you’re going to tell the joint panel tonight?”

“are you afraid of that?” <- OHHH her mocking and accusatory tone… i need it bottled

“well, considering the dead man in mulder’s apartment was murdered in cold blood and you willfully misidentified him, yes, i am afraid. but i’m only afraid for you” (<- and i do believe him, that he is scared to watch her proceed in this way, almost recklessly, even though it's calculated)

“you’re going to use that against me, aren’t you? you’re going to use me as i’ve been used all along- to preserve the lies”

“where is agent mulder?”

(she walks away)

WOOO baby, that scene was ACTING!! the tight closeups on their face was crazy, and it def could have backfired had they not been so freaking talented. every microexpression spoke a thousand words. i feel energized just watching it!!

jumping up and down. jumping up and down. we are sooooo back.

ohhh she goes into the lab herself to do the testing… in her lab coat… and her goggles… spinning the blood around… i’m faint…

meanwhile, mulder's walking through some weird pipes?? 

AUGH, there’s something IN HER BLOOD WATER, and she says it could be a connection between the conspirators and the cancer in her blood…. well to me it looks like a worm

he finds a new secret door and enters with a hand in his pocket, looking around... tension!!!

she’s ready to blow open this whole conspiracy!! ooooo you'd better stand back and watch it happen!

(they’re narrating all of this because this is a tv show and that is how an audiovisual media works, but i find it funny to imagine them speaking into a voice recorder as they describe their highly illegal activities)

he reaches the end of the mystery space and finds a ton of filing cabinets??? so he’s going to the scully file. he finds hers!!! it is a paper with a bunch of letters on it. which clears up nothing

and he pulls one out for kritschgau’s son as well!!! but it looks like his is blank???

someone from the DOD calls CSM to say that “scott” (mulder with the dead guy's ID card) made his way into the pentagon!! so he’s off to go find him. stay away from him, freak...

scully is rolling some sort of paper after soaking the mixture of stuff from her blood. you’re confused, i’m confused, i’m fascinated as to how this was explained for filming purposes, but here we are

“if my work with agent mulder has tested the foundation of my beliefs, science has been and continues to be my guiding light” <3

“now i’m again relying on its familiar and systematic methods to arrive at a truth- a fact that might explain the fate that has befallen me”

i love that she sees science as familiar and systematic; she really seems to be someone that values those aspects of stability, of knowing what can and cannot be true, and as the world grows more and more complex as they unravel the conspiracies, she turns to what she knows she can rely on. it reminds me in a way about how she values the comfort of a home, of the known, of what can be experienced and understood. she seems to thrive on that sort of knowledge, and i relate to it. something steady to keep her afloat, you know? it also speaks to her rigidity in following the rules. there is order and structure that maintains things, and that can be a great comfort, or a terrible hindrance if it is used for evil. but she, deep down, believes that there still is fundamental good. the rules, the science, the facts, the comfort of them all. it’s a terribly scary world; her biggest fear is what others are capable of. of course there is comfort in the known and the material. i like that a lot.

she hopes to match the virus from the mystery organism to the stuff in her cells, which would mean that her cancer has a cause, even if a cure is unknown! and maybe then they could find a cure to the virus thingy...? is this wishful thinking??

“if science serves me to these ends, it is not lost on me that the tool which i’ve come to depend on absolutely cannot save or protect me, but only bring into focus the darkness that lies ahead” <- hey. hey ouch. pain.

i refuse to consider such a possibility. there are too many more seasons ahead.

back to mulder in the labyrinth, looking for stuff that matches the numbers on her card. ough… why does his hair look so good…

anyway, he finds some sort of liquid

OH scully has done it!!! she’s mixed her DNA with the viral DNA from the cell!! oh, the ice core doctor guy is SHOCKED to learn that she has stuff in her that was also in the CANADIAN ALIEN MOUNTAINS!!

she explains that she believes she was exposed to this material that gave her an illness… and when he asks what kind, all she says is that it cannot be cured. damn. that was very dark.

so mulder finds this little vial of stuff with the specific numbers on it?? in a tiny tiny little bottle?

is it shots shots shots shots time??

he’s leaving from the pentagon, and in a voice over monologue, points out that he is as dependent upon her as she is upon him for the cure!!! as now she must convince the committee of her story!!!

she goes into the meeting room, bracing herself…. and she begins where we began in the last episode!!!! and now we know WHY she is reporting on the illegitimacy of his work!! ah, it is sweet relief to know there was no backstabbing between them

mulder is trying to sneak out… but his card swipe isn’t working…. and the military guys enter!!! 

can he play it cool?? can he beat them in a fight??? well, it FINALLY works, and one thing he can do is run!! and he manages to!!!!

GASP! CSM sees mulder leave, and says to let him go!! he seems almost relieved to see mulder alive and with this mystery liquid

and scully’s doing her oscar-winning performance about identifying a body. an absolute serve.

but skinner comes in just as she says this…. 

her eyes are filled with tears as she pulls out the evidence… (which is just two lines on paper, but you KNOW she is going to explain it)

and she notes that the whole thing was “planned and executed by someone in this room”, seeming to blame it all on skinner… oh my god…

OH MY GOD SHE’S STARTING HER PRESENTATION AND HER NOSE STARTS TO BLEED???

SHE FAINTS?????? and SKINNER CATCHES HER????

she looks at him and says “you…..” before passing back out <- WHAT DID SHE WANT TO SAY TO HIM??!??!?!?!?!

mulder is with the lone gunmen analyzing the mystery liquid…. and it’s water??

hold on, i had to rewatch her fainting and skinner catching her… how he starts to hold her face but stops himself… the way she says “you” so quietly… and then she loses consciousness again… oh my god… to be caught by the person she thinks is killing her… 

and skinner… i don’t believe for a minute that he is behind this. how hurt he must be at her accusations, his terror in watching her march ahead recklessly and lie to these people who would kill her in a heartbeat, and actively ARE killing her, and he was the one that made the deal with the devil to try and get this to stop happening, but what if he’s only advanced the work of the devil and got nothing out of it for himself…? and she doesn't even trust him!!!!

i rewatched that scene 4 times. and it was amazing during each of them.

and mulder… with his water… mystery water in vials… what can it do?? is it really just water?? why tf would the government hide vials of water with incredibly specific numbering deep in the pentagon. i don't buy it.

oh man, we are SOOOOOO back!!!!! i am bouncing off the walls. i cannot WAIT to learn what happens next. the angst here was EXQUISITE.

i’m such a sucker for angst involving mulder/scully and skinner. it’s going to get me EVERY time. over and over and over again. it just punches me in the gut. and all the other stuff punches me in the gut too, but this one has a certain je ne sais quoi factor about it; is it the mentor/mentee relationship of it all?? the way they care about each other but don’t know how to express it?? how they go from being willing to die and to kill for each other and then suddenly that trust is entirely removed, back and forth, back and forth? oh, it’s like CATNIP to me.

scully fainting and him catching is already going to be on my list of favorite moments, i know it, i know myself too well.

AUGHHHHHAUAGGHHHHRAUGGHHHHHAUGHHHHHH i LOVE THIS SHOW see it can be SO GOOD WHEN IT WANTS TO BE!!!!!!!!!

the trickery!! the plotting!! the deception!! the mysteries within mysteries!!! i still think the aliens are real though!! what are they doing with those women?? giving then alien DNA so they can steal their eggs to make alien babies?? what is that oil stuff in mulder?? and where does krycek fit into this??? and again, those half alien things in arizona?? don’t tell me!! don’t tell me because i am excited to learn!!!

YEAHHHHH!!!

[0v3rcast]

Gnaw (6)

The bottom of the ocean is a cold, dark place. There is no light here, other than the faint glow of many bioluminescent markings on Osial's body. The sun's heat has never reached this deep, and the cold is so intense that you've shivered yourself to death repeatedly.

But with each death, you adapted. The icy temperature of these depths no longer mattered.

The crushing pressure of the deep ocean that once threatened to splinter your bones and crush you into a meatball now had no effect.

Gills just below your ribs filter oxygen into your body now that your lungs are useless.

"Great Storm, what are you thinking on so intensely?" Osial asks. "You have been silent and still for nearly three days."

You tell your newfound friend that you might have an idea of how to leave, but it will require his help.

"Of course. How may I serve my Creator?"

You ask for a bit of his flesh and explain that you gain energy from eating or from exposure to the elements.

You've already spent three days impaled through with stone spears at the bottom of the sea - you've probably absorbed plenty of energy and just need a catalyst.

His heads argue over who will be donating the required offering, but eventually settle on letting the central head bite off the very tip of its tongue.

A bit of glowing blue tongue drifts lazily on the currents and towards you. It's a chunk of flesh the size of a glass bottle, oozing a dark blue fluid.

You reach out with your unpinned arm and grip it, briefly cringing when it squirms in your grasp.

Once it's close to your mouth, you open up and bite into it quickly. This also means that you get some seawater into your mouth along with the bit of meat.

Gross.

The god-flesh isn't particularly appetizing, either. As you do your best to chew it, it writhes and twitches in your mouth. The taste is ponderously bland, though faintly fishy, and you're more than a little unsatisfied.

It takes you more time than you'd like to consume it, but once the last of it goes down, a feeling begins to flow through you.

A new sensation. Like there's a part of you that's just lost the pins-and-needles from being slept on and is back to normal.

Not just that, either. You feel revitalized, like the pains of your body are far away. You plant your palms against the seafloor, dig your fingers into the sands, and begin to rise. Osial looks delighted.

The spears of stone dig into your flesh, but you will not give up now. How can you? You feel unstoppable.

Electro energy arcs across your body and up the monstrous pillars, scorching them with such heat that they briefly glow.

You may be buried beneath the weight of a mountain... but faith can move mountains.

Through labored breathing, you ask what Osial desires most in the world.

"To sink Liyue to the bottom of the ocean, and see Morax take my place in the darkness below the waves eternally."

More personal than that.

"To hold Beisht, my beloved, in my embrace again."

...more achievable from his current position?

"Oh. Freedom, of course. To not bear these ridiculous spears in my back any longer."

And then, that new part of yourself flares to life. You smile through the pain of saltwater against open wounds and tell him you can manage that.

(Anemo smiles, eye glowing in the heart of the storm. A new bearer already? You're so kind.)

Mondstadt's suffering comes to an end, the haze of nightmarish heat finally lifting... but the winds are not the same.

The scent of sickness and rot no longer carries on the breeze because the breezes are so much milder.

Anemo visions dim, and then flare much brighter.

Less than an eighth of Mondstadt's population had succumbed to the heat, but many had become sick from an outbreak of food poisoning and the rapid onset of heat exhaustion. Others had become ill in the process of burying loved ones.

Their cries for aid went unanswered, and Venti's faith had been deeply shaken.

If their prayers were not reaching you... then who had they been worshipping all this time?

(He receives no answer, only the sounds of mourning on the wind as Mondstadt begins to burn the diseased dead.)

You stand at the bottom of the sea, hand against a stone spear weighing down Osial.

The electro in your body was refined and stretched into an axe, which you now used to hack away at the first pillar.

Every minute or so, you have him move slightly to see if the weight is becoming more manageable.

After four hours, each of them has been weakened enough for him to push off if he wasn't exhausted. Which he is.

You reach for your new power and then to Osial. Across the world, Anemo visions glow faintly. In Zapolyarny Palace, the Gnosis of the Anemo Archon unwinds into a soft breeze and vanishes.

Words come to your lips unbidden, a recital from a time you've forgotten.

"Noble beast. I, your maker, wish to form a pact with you."

Osial looks at you curiously, and then again in surprise when the Anemo Gnosis appears in your hand.

"You have shown me kindness in this dark place and given me the power to unbind us both.

You have been imprisoned beneath the waves for centuries by the one you hate the most, away from your lover, your goals just within reach but lost to you.

I have been hunted across the land I have traveled by traitorous mongrels and then abandoned here to rot alongside you.

With one look, you knew it was me. With but a single glance, you understood who now was at your side.

Your fealty to me is so very valuable, especially now."

You hold out the Anemo Gnosis in his direction.

"Become my Anemo Archon. The true God of Storms, and the symbol of destruction for all those who would rise against me."

He laughs with all five heads.

"I accept, my maker. The skies will be mine, and all who breathe beneath them will know you with reverence or know nothing ever again."

"This pact is sealed."

The sea burns bright with teal and blue light and then erupts into a monstrous storm, a hurricane screaming to life as a massive beam of energy pierces the heavens and vaporizes Guyun Stone Forest.

A new lord of the skies erupts from the sea with a joyous scream, stone pillars falling from his back, feathers and scales colored brilliantly.

"MORAX! I will have your head as a trophy for the All-Maker and your flesh as my meal! Face me and die, or watch me tear this miserable collection of insects apart like the coward you are!"

On his back is you, and in your eyes is a hunger for vengeance.

Your power fills the hurricane. Vast blades of lightning ready to fall at your command. Screaming winds coalesce around Osial. Arcs of plasma line his new fangs.

Liyue will pay for its actions, and the two of you will be collecting with interest.

((Taglist:

@the-dumber-scaramouche @thatdeadaquarius @ssak-i @imyme20 @fried-lotud @acacla @itz-luna @iruiji @crierofirony @itsredactedlove @sweetsthetik @leafanonsforest @oxyotl @kkazuyass @featuredtofu @resident-cryptid @d4y-dr3am3r @crimson-ashes @red1sg0n3 @the-real-fandom-person @code-roevember @yourlocalsourwolf @rhoswen-drake @minimari415 @reversearrowhead @call-me-shroom @evqnescents @valeriele3 @mochicurls21 @sinnful-darling @fleshdotmp4

[angeart]

How dare Link correctly predict my reaction to teases, how dare (<3) YES I wanna know what prompted the upset, what well meaning thing went so wrong D: And that bit about still hoping to be loved breaks my heart for them

-🎀

the bit about still hoping to be loved broke my heart too, and that's why i needed to include it <3

so, about hermits wanting to help them. one smaller example is them taking a look at scar's tattered wings and suggesting that maybe they could help fix them. which is good!

but this comes after scar having his wings like this for about a year, and it took a long time for him to learn to accept them as they are. he's no longer ashamed of them, seeing them simply as a part of himself now. (the same way his scars have always been)

and, sure, he will still take a chance at having them healed, but it still rubs him wrong, in a way. even though it's a kind, well-meaning offer. because it proposes that he needs to be fixed.

but a whole big issue stems from something else.

we know scar and grian have changed.

grian, in particular, flinches a lot and seems scared. scar, on the other hand, often shields grian, and calls on his vex traits to intimidate the danger away, showing he's not afraid to fight. (he is afraid. he's constantly afraid.) and they're both awfully codependent, clinging to each other and isolating from everyone else.

[1,7k rambles and ~3,2k rp snippets below the cut]

one of the things they leaned into in that other world was their hybrid traits. and they show in the way they interact with each other, you know? the way they express trust and love and know what the other one needs.

well, scar is a vex.

we know there's a mating bite, but that's not everything. him and grian indulge in a lot of biting and blood related stuff. all consensual! grian is a little freak so he likes it!

it's something the two of them do, privately and intimately. it's safe, it's fun, it's theirs. them being insanely in love and ready to give all of themselves over. lose all of control on both sides, at least for a moment, in a world that hardly allows such a thing.

but here's the issue: the others don't know anything about any of it. they don't know what scar and grian have been through. they don't know anything about vex instincts or mating rituals. they don't understand anything about this new thing.

so when they see grian timid, bruised and bitten? and they know that scar seems more violent now, sharp-fanged and clawed?

let's just say they get concerned. and stage a bit of an intervention.

they just want to make sure that grian is okay! it... should be a good thing. except they've separated them and are now cornering grian, asking all these questions and voicing all these assumptions. and it's a bit awful, actually.

grian is pressed into having to explain that yeah, actually, he wanted all of that. that it's love.

but him naming the so obvious damage love just rings more alarm bells. and maybe someone asks him if it's a form of self harm, to allow that to happen to him? like, if grian seeks it out, is it self destructive? is that why he craves it?

and sort of, him and scar spiral about this in different ways.

grian struggles with untangling his way out of it, because what if they're right? what if he subconsciously sought harm? but he liked it? is it wrong to enjoy it? he knows that he had his moments when he was actively trying to bring himself damage. mostly aimed at his wings—plucking out his feathers and such. but is this just another thing like that? a substitute damage of sorts? was he just oblivious this whole time?

grian never had a previous relationship experience, so he really can't tell what is love. where does it end and Something Bad begins? he associates the bites with love, but is that bad? is he wrong? would it feel different if someone else showed him that love is something else? did he just manipulate himself into feeling like this and now he's in too deep?

at least he knows scar would never hurt him if grian says no. if grian doesn't want it. but... if grian wants it... is it self destructive? is that what it means? or maybe he was just chasing the aftermath? the soft care (that scar'd offer regardless)?

his mind is a mess and he can't figure out what his real feelings in this all are. he doesn't know how to figure it out. he gets really confused and worried and scared. (he's terrified that they're right, not necessarily for himself, but because of what that'd do to scar.) (he's scared that scar will blame himself over this. that no matter the outcome, this is inevitably going to mess something up between the two of them.)

in the meanwhile, scar feels like a monster. like maybe he was doing something wrong this whole time. was he enabling something horrible? was he genuinely hurting grian this whole time, unaware?

because he's a vex, and it makes sense to want this on his end, but grian is an avian, and... maybe scar should've questioned it more? shouldn't have been so eager to indulge? did he do something irreparably cruel without meaning to?

through this all, he reassures grian it's okay to take a break from it, or even to completely stop. it's fine! it's always been fine! but despite that, their feelings continue to spiral, caught in a maze they can't escape.

it used to be so simple. back in the vex commune. scar never had to doubt himself and the way they express their love. not when it came to this.

and now suddenly it seems so different. so vile and wrong and horrible. people are genuinely concerned and scar and grian wonder, separately, if maybe they're right to be?

... eventually they both hurtle towards a breaking point. and scar decides he needs to talk to someone about it. and grian decides he needs to be alone for a moment, becoming overwhelmed, needing some space to think.

i really want to tell you about what happens in the talk scar has with the others, but i can't. not quite yet.

anyway, this is where the breakdowns come in. (yes. multiple.)

first is scar's during the conversation he has. he gets to hear a lot of good, wise, reassuring things, but ultimately, he still needs to hear from grian. he's been trying so hard not to influence grian's conclusion to all of this, but. he needs to know grian's thoughts, once grian is ready.

grian is not ready. he's been growing so emotionally worn out from all of this, so volatile and fragile. it's all a bit Too Much.

scar messages him, checking up on him.

are you okay?

and

i'm here waiting for you whenever you come back

and

but i'll come find you if you want me to

and

i love you

... but here's the thing, right? neither scar nor grian are used to comms anymore. so grian doesn't read any of that.

they regress back to what they know.

scar howls.

grian chirps.

and only then does scar's comm ping.

come.

zero hesitation, scar unfolds his wings and jumps off the balcony, rushing towards where that chirp came from. he's being called. he's being wanted.

he'd go anywhere for grian.

he finds grian perched atop a tree. struggles to climb up, but never falters. because grian's now starting to cry, and scar needs to be there.

tucked safely into scar's gentle, loving arms, grian breaks down.

--

with a hitched sob, grian falls forwards into scar's arms, burrowing easily into the warmth and familiarity and security.

he wants to say he's sorry. he's sorry this is so hard for him. he's sorry he can't untangle this; sorry he can no longer tell which are his feelings and which are just things people have suggested he might feel. he's sorry he's making this so difficult. he's sorry he's worrying everyone.

but words evade him as scar's arms provide just enough safety for his guards to crumble lower, making him just sob instead.

--

and believe it or not, somewhere in the midst of this (hey do have a proper talk, if a bit tear-drenched) is scar's second breakdown. (grian's time to hold him!!!) that's where the rp snippet in the previous ask is from. and you'll get more of that in a second.

first i just need to tease the aftermath, because i'm a menace.

after crying and comforting their hearts out, they fly(!!!) back. there's immense relief to wind in grian's feathers, and a dangerous edge of the feeling of freedom it brings, wanting to soothe all the cracks on his soul... but the truth is, his soul is still cracked. and he's still depleted. he knows he's still hovering over something so incomprehensibly fragile. that the smallest prod will set him off and break him again.

they arrive at their nest—scar first, to warn their company not to ask questions, grian second.

it doesn't stop it from happening. grian was right: the smallest thing can set him off.

so he has another breakdown, possibly a bigger one, drawing on far deeper hurt that screams and tears at his heart. and plunges all three other people in the room into breakdowns of their own <3333

(yes that's the part we can't talk about. yet.)

aNYWAY!!! how about some rp bits.

---------------

SCAR

Despite Grian’s crying being entirely contagious— or perhaps Scar is just simply too empathetic and emotional himself— Scar’s had practice with consoling his sweet bird. He knows what he ought to do here. 

He tightens his hold until it’s snug and secure, then pressed a few little kisses to whatever part of Grian’s head he can reach.

And then he talks.

“I knew you’d be up in a tree somewhere.” His voice wobbles a bit, but it’s alright. “I wanted to give you some time… I missed you though. Like immediately.”

He chuckles softly, knowing their bond borders on codependent, even if it’s something they’ve worked on since they’ve gotten home. Still, it’s okay to poke fun at it, he thinks. It’s okay to admit the truth.

--

GRIAN

grian's sobs quiet down a little as scar talks, energy redirected to hook into the familiar rumble of his slightly quivery voice, sniffling as he listens to what scar has to say. 

it's sometimes hard to decipher the meaning of sentences when he gets like this, but scar doesn't seem to expect an answer; he's not asking him anything, and grian's grateful for being given time, a grace period where he can just cling and cry and calm down while scar holds him. 

he laugh-sobs at the note that it was obvious he'd be in a tree. he's given scar a lot of hard time in the past until he figured out that lesson, but now he always knows unfailingly where to search when grian's heart needs him after cowardly isolation.

he comes every time. he comes and he finds him and he holds him. 

grian sniffles, despondent, burrowing tighter in. he chirps a little to encourage scar to go on, to keep talking; the sound of it is shaky, about to fall apart to pieces, but he thinks it still counts. it's still something. a participation, not leaving scar stranded and alone in this.

--

OK LOOK WE HAVE TO SKIP AHEAD HERE BECAUSE [REDACTED] REASONS

--

GRIAN

grian hums again, fond and soft, slumped against scar with utmost trust. and then he finally says it. "'m sorry."

--

SCAR

"Hey, none of that, mister," Scar says, shaking his head into Grian's hair in more of a no than a nuzzle now. "It was a lot, it's okay. You needed a moment."

He places another kiss.

"And you knew I'd be here in a heartbeat when you were ready, right?" Scar grins sheepishly.

--

GRIAN

grian's hands trace idle patterns on scar's back as he gets comforted by words and another kiss. he closes his eyes, taking it in, before replying with a soft little "yeah."

-- 

SCAR

Scar purrs at the affection, openly so. "Doin' a little better now?"

--

GRIAN

grian nods, still right against scar, clingily pressed into him. "yeah, i... yeah."

--

SCAR

Scar doesn't budge, not interested in releasing his darling bird just yet. "...what's on your mind?" he prompts softly, hoping to get a glimpse at Grian's inner turmoil.

--

GRIAN

with eyes still closed, grian lets the pause linger just a moment, before replying with a quiet but honest, "right now? how nice this feels."

--

SCAR

Scar chuckles again, a little anxiety getting settled by that fact, though certainly not all. "Oh, well that's good, yes. I agree with that sentiment entirely."

--

GRIAN

"good," grian purrs, squeezing at scar. "'coz i don't wanna lose it."

--

SCAR

Scar's ears twitch, something awfully depressing in those few words. "Hey, no, never," he assures. "This is never going away, okay?" 

Since he seriously doubts cuddling is about to give anyone the wrong ideas.

--

GRIAN

grian has to swallow several times for his feelings to not go off the rails again. he takes a shaky breath, still squeezing at scar, as if he was afraid he might disappear. "... okay."

--

SCAR

"And neither am I!" Scar tacks on, even if it should go without saying. Even if it may be a little dramatic. But he thinks maybe Grian needs to hear that fact stated with absolute certainty. "I love you too dang much."

--

GRIAN

that gets grian to loosen his grip a little, enough to shuffle and look up. hair messy and eyes glistening and red rimmed, he looks up at scar with so much aching adoration, it feels like he might drown. 

"i think it's okay if— if we love each other in our own way," he says sheepishly. he ducks down, laying his head on scar's shoulder, feeling shy as his hands go back to tracing patterns on scar's lower back. "even if the others don't understand or agree." there's a precipice of a pause, and then the most timid little "... right?"

--

SCAR

Scar's heart stutters, and his ears flick up again with carefully optimistic anticipation at Grian's words. His eyes threaten to flood over again, but the tears feel different, more cathartic, less miserable. 

He tucks his head over Grian's again, brushing his cheek over his locks affectionately, daring to release a few hopeful tears as Grian says what he desperately hoped he might. 

"I..." he starts, still trying not to influence this decision if he can help it, but... "I think so. ...I mean it's—" He thinks of [REDACTED], and chuckles wetly, morphing them in his own Scar-silly way. "It's not really anyone else's business what we do in the bedroom, is it?"

--

GRIAN

grian's hands still against scar's back, simply holding him for a moment as he soaks up scar's nuzzles. there's wetness to them, something that makes grian's heart ache as he worries about all the possible meanings, but hopes against all hope that it's just scar getting positively emotional—a relief of sorts above all else. 

a small strained chuckle makes it past his lips, and he muffles it into a kiss that he presses into scar's shoulder. "right. exactly."

--

SCAR

Scar weakly smiles, giving Grian a squeeze. "...but seriously, I— you know it's okay if we stop, right? If you ever change your mind— and I mean your mind, nobody else's— then it's fine! But... I... yeah." Another squeeze. "I just want to be sure you know that."

--

GRIAN

there's a barely stifled sigh, but no hint of tension pools across grian's back. his hold remains still and gentle, his head idly leaning on scar's shoulder. "i know," he murmurs.

--

SCAR

"Good," Scar states, ducking lower so his forehead presses into Grian for a moment before releasing just enough so he could escape the big bear hug if he wanted. “... you know, [REDACTED]”

--

WE ARE ACTUALLY TAKING ANOTHER LEAP, ANOTHER SKIP, ANOTHER SCRIBBLED OUT SECTION. bear with us <33

--

SCAR

[REDACTED VERY REDACTED] “I mean, I had to learn all this vex stuff, too. It’s not… I mean it’s certainly not the most family-friendly sort of culture but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong, does it?”

--

GRIAN

grian blinks at that, lifting his head in attention. this really surprises him, for some reason. that [WOO REDACTED AGAIN WOW] 

"oh." he takes a moment, leaning slightly back, inviting scar's touch a little bit further. "yeah... yeah, i think he's—" he bounces the words around in his head again, then settles on: "it's a learning curve every way, isn't it? whenever there's new instincts and..." he skirts around the words mating rituals, feeling a faint warmth rise up to his cheeks. he looks away briefly, teething at his bottom lip as he thinks of all the worries he himself used to have, all the mistakes kane made, all the effort and talking and correcting it took for things to finally have it all sink in the proper way. 

he clears his throat, shyly looking back at scar, but then his gaze anchors and softens. his hand travels up from scar's chin, brushing through his hair, tucking a strand behind his ears. "it's not wrong."

--

SCAR

“It’s not?” Scar asks meekly, even though he was the one to propose so first. To have Grian confirm it is so much more important. Because even if they can agree it’s not wrong for Scar to have sought out these things, ultimately he wants it to be right for Grian as well.

Scar chews at his lip nervously, but still tilts toward the offered affection, absolutely weak to it.

--

GRIAN

"mmm." grian lets his fingers brush through scar's hair again, gentle with him at every step. "it's not wrong," he repeats softly.

--

SCAR

Scar opens his eyes, both of them glistening with potential tears, but he offers up a weak, wobbly smile, appreciating every graze of Grian’s fingers. “…is it— it’s not wrong for you either?”

--

GRIAN

grian takes in scar's expression and he leans in for a short kiss. "it's not wrong for me," he murmurs, right over scar's lips. 

and maybe he still feels confused, and maybe he still has some exploring and figuring out to do, just to really settle things in his heart, but he knows scar will be there with him every step of the way. just like he knows that [REDACTED] is right—scar is good for him. 

and he wants all of him.

--

SCAR

The tears fall alongside a pitiful little chuckle, but Scar leans right back in for another kiss, not caring at all for the wetness that streaks down his cheeks. 

They can match now. It’s fine.

“I… I’m—?” Scar falters, and he laughs again, ducking his head down in slight embarrassment. He can’t even bring himself to say it. To even imply that he was worried that he was wrong for Grian. “…okay.”

--

GRIAN

the sight of tears breaks grian's heart. still keeping one arm around scar, hoping it'd make him feel close and secure, he lowers his other hand from scar's hair to his cheek, gently collecting the wetness even as scar leans in for a kiss. (one that grian gladly gives.) 

even though scar doesn't finish his question, grian can connect the dots. he remembers the time when he himself thought he's not good for scar, and he knows how awful and heavy that self doubt was.

with utmost tenderness, he kisses scar's cheek, right in the path of wetness, while his fingers gently brush the tears on the other side. "scar." it's quiet, reverent. irredeemably loving.

he pulls away, wanting scar to look at him as he says this. his wings twitch, brushing over scar's, curling inwards towards him. pressing against scar's sides under scar's wings as grian lets go of his back in favour of cupping his face, thumbs brushing over cheeks.

"scar, you're good for me."

he strings up the words, slow and deliberate and certain.

--

SCAR

It’s Scar’s turn to break again, clearly, as his eyes water over and big, wet tears fall down his cheeks and collect over Grian’s hands. He doesn’t even have words to respond with, just wide, grateful eyes and wobbly lips that can’t decide between a cry or a smile. 

His hands also find their way over Grian’s, though one escapes to run his own thumb over Grian’s cheek in turn, still feeling the dampness there. It’s oddly comforting.

“…sometimes I worry the hermits don’t think that,” he admits, gaze flicking away as he tries to keep a strong facade. (Hard to do while he’s actively crying, but it could certainly be worse.)

--

GRIAN

"oh, scar." grian sighs, heartbroken, brows pulling into a pained frown upon hearing that admission. he can hardly bear this, knowing scar's been made to feel like this.

he leans in to press a kiss to his forehead, wings slinking further along, wrapping around scar right underneath his vex wings. he wants to cocoon them into warmth and safety, away from these treacherous feelings.

the hermits managed to somehow break both of them down, with nothing more than good intentions.

grian hates the uncertain, askew feeling that pushes bitter bile up his throat, telling him maybe they're not quite right for this place anymore. that they forgot how to belong, but nobody has caught up yet and still expects them to be their selves that they can no longer reach.

“you know [REDACTED I AM SO SORRY]” he attempts a smile, though it's hard. he tugs at scar, wanting to pull him in for a hug, tuck him underneath his own chin, all safe and protected, but he leaves it up to scar whether he wants that or needs more breathing room right now. 

"maybe they need time. i... i've been hiding away a lot and. honestly i don't think they can tell what's good for me anymore. not right now." it's hard to admit. "even if they mean well." but well-meaning that hurts both him and scar is just meddlesome. 

maybe they needed this though, in a way. it would be better if it came from a different place, subtler, gentler, but still. maybe they needed to work through exactly these feelings.

"anyone who says you're not good for me will get smacked," he threatens, remembering scar's (and kane's) offers to bite people who look at grian wrong, in a way returning the favour. "'coz they're wrong and they have no business spewing nonsense."

--

SCAR

Scar gladly takes up the offer to be smothered in affection, and he boldly chooses to corporealize his wings fully and gently tug them around the base of Grian's, knowing well that wing-on-wing contact is almost always acceptable. And right now that sort of thing brings immense comfort to him, too. It's something they both share, after all. A pair of wings and a pair of patched up hearts.

"I know they mean well..." Scar whines into Grian's chest this time, and though there's no cozy shawl to bury himself in, it's just as comforting. "but they don't know everything, and... and I know that's mostly on us, but god it's just... it's so much sometimes, Grian." 

It's not exactly pleasant to recall those memories. To try to explain just how horrific it was to their old friends. To look them in the eyes and admit that they're different now because they had to be. (And how they still hope to be loved despite it all.)

--

GRIAN

grian wraps scar up in his arms, holding him close. one hand in scar's hair, the other sliding down between his shoulderblades, rubbing at that point between his wings, unaware he's copying exactly what [REDACTED] did earlier.

the pressure of scar's wings over his own helps him settle a little, gives him comfort and courage through this glass-shards of a conversation.

"they don't know everything," he echoes quietly, kissing the top of scar's head before he leans his cheek on it, cradling him. "i just wish..." he closes his eyes and tugs at scar, holds him a little bit tighter. he doesn't really know how to finish that sentence; all the words feel like they're crashing and splintering over sharp cliffs.

all that's left in the rubble is a weary sense of defeat. "it is so much," he agrees. "it's so tiring to... they expect us to be..." he doesn't finish any of his sentences, but he wonders if scar understands anyway.

--

SCAR

Scar understands perfectly. He nods softly as he listens, lulled in by those soft touches, tears drying as he lets Grian’s presence fully engulf him.

“…they expect us to be the same,” Scar finishes for him, certain that Grian’s had the same trouble he has, though perhaps to a different degree. “And… maybe we won’t ever be. But… I don’t think all the ways we changed are bad. Like— sure, we’re still messed up and jumpy and… and I mean, frankly traumatized, but…” There’s an effort to poke his head up, but Scar finds himself too reluctant to leave the comfort of Grian’s arms just yet. “We’re also in love. And… we have a new appreciation for life. And each other.” A half-sniffle, half-chuckle gets stuffed into Grian’s chest. “…is that too sappy?”

--

GRIAN

grian chuckles mirthlessly at the list of things they suck at, their reactions and trauma stitched close to them like their shadow, endless and monstrous, looming behind their every step. but scar is right: they have changed in so many messed up ways, and they might never be the same, but... it's not all bad. 

"we're in love," grian echoes, a notch lighter, just a little bit amused that the list of dark things ends with a complete shift, plunging them into sappiness. it's such a scar-like thing to do; he's aware of just how bad things have gotten, but that doesn't mean he won't fight to dredge up every little optimistic and hopeful thing out of it anyway.

grian loves it. it's gotten him through many dark times, this quality that scar has. his tenacious way of thinking and latching onto bright things, even if it's a barely flickering flame amidst complete, terrifying darkness.

he kisses his head again and then nuzzles against his hair, humming. "it's scar level sappy," he replies, mulling it, before landing on: "which means it's perfect." 

the only time scar's level of sappy is too much is when he's flustering grian, but he's not going to point that out, in case scar takes it as a challenge to compare the two right here and right now. (he'd be capable. grian knows.) 

he rubs at scar's back again, humming a soft melody, wanting to calm him further. but there's one thing even he can unearth from the ashes, something written into all their stitches and scars.

"we survived." 

nothing can beat that. no matter how they've changed, or what they can now see in a different light.

they made it.

"and we're good for each other."

--

SCAR

Scar giggles at the term. Scar-level sappy, indeed. His own brand of optimism, wrapped in layers of insecurity but boundless levels of adoration. 

And it got him this far, didn’t it?

“We survived,” Scar repeats, because that’s so damn important. They survived. And they did it because they were together.

Because they’re good together.

“…the power of love,” Scar adds, soft and sentimental and maybe just a bit goofy, hoping to turn the tides from tears to mirthful laughter.

--

GRIAN

once again he gets grian to giggle in a fragile moment—a talent scar has and grian values. in retaliation, he shifts his hands, brings them much closer, until he can tease at scar's ears. 

"we survived, so now i can do this!" his cheeks are still wet, and he feels depleted from all the heavy emotions, but he still manages a grin as he tries to make scar squirm.

--

SCAR

Scar barks out a fit of genuine laughter, somewhat startled by the shift, but he can’t complain when his lips are suddenly tipped into a bright smile and his ears are flicking wildly at the affectionate abuse. 

“Hey!! No fair! I’ve been so gentle!!” he cackles, already shedding that mercy and tickling at Grian’s ribs.

---------------

aaand i'm going to end on this note (because you know it devolves again. we're good at making things fall apart repeatedly <3 a great angst loop if you ask me.)

but, i'm going to leave you with a little bonus. which is what me and link talked about today. on this same topic, really.

which is how scar changed. hermits know him as the guy who dies a lot, right? also easily distracted, carefree, easily dissipating into giggles, easily brushing things off. all of that.

he could get startled by a fly. he'd yelp and stumble and fall over when he got scared.

but that other world forced other things on him. it forced him to be brave, or at least, to seem like it. forced him to fight to keep himself and grian safe. fight for them both to survive.

now when he gets scared? there are wings and claws and fangs.

he couldn't show weakness in that world, you know?

and it sticks. it sinks its talons into him and holds.

the only person he shows weakness around is grian. and... maybe if he'd been willing to show it more around the other hermits, they'd see that he's still scar.

that he's still scar and he's hurting and afraid.

(yes blame link for this heartbreak brb sobbing with u)

also. a potential conversation:

someone saying to grian (while scar is also possibly there): "scar came back... wrong."

grian angrily counters with "no, scar came back different but not wrong."

and then

quieter

"... i came back wrong."

because, think about it. scar changed, but it can be argued that some of it is better and he's just being misunderstood. but grian? grian can't imagine any good coming from how he's now.

he didn't grow braver or kinder or stronger or any of those things. he just caused [REDACTED]. he's a scared, hurting mess. there's nothing good about him now.

as link said in our discord dms: scar needs to scoop grian up and remind him that he's here for the whole ride. he'll be here while grian learns to heal.

because he will heal.

[mikhailoism]

twt made me think of this but we were really robbed of really good bathena angst of 4x13/14... like the first the fight and then bobby getting shot.. tbh how they did resolve the fight was slightly disappointing i mean it works but I wanted more i wanted a bigger conversation that went way deeper into why they were even distant and fighting in the first place and that's a whole thing

but now imagine more angst purposes they take longer to resolve their fight. they're preoccupied by eddie and figuring out the sniper case and they just avoid each other . then we flash towards the trap and bobby getting stuck and shot and athena helpless outside knowing that he could die in there and the last conversation they had was a fight and how their marriage is possibly failing... and that can't be how it ends bc even tho things are rough she still loves bobby and wants to be with him she can't do it without him. I feel like also gives her even stronger motivation to take over someone's gear and go into the fire for him. it makes this move and her saying she needs her partner have so much more impact and meaning (not that it didn't originally but) and on bobby's side he's possibly dying in this fire terribly injured knowing how bad he left things with athena, regretting the fight regretting hiding things like sponsoring Rachel and wishing so badly he could change things so it wouldn't end like this (something about bobby facing death and focusing on his regrets and what he could have done better)

and the relief of athena appearing in the flame to save him. they may not be In perfect place but she'll always come and save him she'll always be there for him. and then once they're out and safe and in the hospital there will be a real conversation, they'll talk in depth about athena's attack and the affects it had on them both. about their struggles with communication how its not communication they're used, they'll talk about bobby sponsoring rachel and more on why he hid it (I think theres more to it and then just trying to get back at athena so to speak) and they talk about what it means to them personally being partners being married... basically just more in depth and detail version of their canon conversation sorta but better and they actually talk about everything else

[diazheartsbuckley]

Inspiration Saturday 🌹

Tagged by @wildlife4life @watchyourbuck @thewolvesof1998 @daffi-990 @giddyupbuck @jamespearce9-1-1 💋

Construction Worker/Firefighter AU

I made a post about this idea a few days ago but here it is, a little more thought through lol

Eddie is recently divorced and has moved to the suburbs to give Christopher a better life as he shares custody of him with Shannon. He hasn’t been out for very long and Buck comes along, working across the street in the scorching California heat, hardly ever wearing a shirt. The passion seems to grow between them without even having talked before and when they finally do, Eddie can’t find his words and doesn’t know how to act. But once he gets more comfortable, they’re touching each other all the time and Eddie is the one who’s using sex as a means to distract himself from his feelings. All they do is have sex or mess around like horny teenagers and seemingly out of nowhere, Buck wants more which makes Eddie retract into himself. He’s worried what people will think of him if he moves on too fast after getting divorced and Buck takes one day at a time, partying a lot and is hardly ever alone. He wants to commit but doesn’t know how and there’s a lot things going on Eddie’s life that keeps him from wanting someone like Buck - reckless, irresponsible and incredibly forward in everything that he does. Yet Buck is willing to change, to try to be better and has to find a way to accept the reality - Eddie’s job is high pressured, he has a child, he’s recently divorced and maybe fully hasn’t accepted himself.

& a little snippet

Eddie watches the man on the opposite side of the street, lip tucked in between his teeth as his muscles tenses up and his biceps bulge, everything about him looking so damn delicious. He can’t help himself.

There’s sweat running down his naked back, tattoos on several body parts and a body that goes to show how psychically demanding his profession is. It’s a little too tempting. Eddie can’t even remember the last time that he looked at someone this way, craving every inch of the construction workers skin against his. And then he realizes that he’s looking right back at him, piercing blue eyes wandering up and down his body, a slight smirk forming on his face. Eddie just about melts into a puddle when the construction worker winks at him and picks up a large piece of hardwood, slinging it over his shoulder.

Sling me over your shoulder instead.

It’s like the construction worker can read his mind because his smirk seems to widen, knowing exactly what he’s doing to attract this sort of attention to himself. And Eddie can’t fucking stop staring like some gawking idiot, seeing a masterpiece of a man walking around without a shirt on.

Maybe he doesn’t own one. It sure seems like he doesn’t because Eddie has never seen him wearing one. Not even when he arrives at the construction site in the morning. Okay, so maybe he’s been looking at him a few too many times at this point.

Tagging!! @jeeyuns @jesuisici33 @honestlydarkprincess @disasterbuckdiaz @malewifediaz @eddiebabygirldiaz @vampbuckley @butraura @wikiangela @whosoldherout @lover-of-mine @hippolotamus @theotherbuckley @barbiediaz @fionaswhvre @callmenewbie 🦋💗

[ateezmakemeweep]

love is gone (part 4)

word count: 5k

angst, fluff (tw: slut shaming)

(part 3) (series masterlist)

that following monday, you weren’t sure what was more surprising: finding seonghwa in class before you, right in the back as promised, or the fact that the professor gave a random pop quiz worth 10% of your grade. 

luckily, you had spent all weekend studying, knowing you had to get back on track and put all your focus into school again, so you were prepared; so much so that, at the end of class, you got back a 10/10 and praises from the professor. 

it felt like nothing could ruin the slight high you were on after that, walking out that day with a sense of accomplishment and pride. 

ready to put all your refocused effort into your other classes and extra credit sessions and-

“so, little teachers pet, i’m gonna need that tutoring sooner than we thought.”

in that moment, you weren’t sure what was more surprising  -  seonghwa managing to get you to agree to tutor him early or that you were doing it at his off-campus apartment in two days time. 

he was leant against the wall in his signature black and eye-catching chain, staring you down like he had every right to do so. like the butterflies he caused and the fire he ignited in you (that you tried so hard to ignore) were completely okay.

you couldn’t help but wonder if there were any other shades in his closet. that maybe if he wore pastels, you wouldn’t be so vehemently attracted to him. 

“why do you think that, asshole?” you ask, a smile lighting up his face before a laugh slips out.

you have an idea it’s about the pop quiz today but don’t wanna assume (or, maybe, you really are a teachers pet and just wanna show off your 10/10 to him).

you wince when you see red marks all over his paper, a whopping 4/10 scribbled at the top.

“oh.”

“yeah, oh,” he says flatly, a smirk pulling at your lips despite yourself.

he pushes off the wall so he’s looming in front of you, peering down at you with mirth and something a little dangerous. 

something so strong and alluring as he invades your space with his presence and scent, the very one you were trying all weekend to forget.

“you wanna play?”

you turn to see seonghwa watching you, swallowing as you notice just how close you are. peering up into his dark gaze, your breath hitching as he moves closer.

“or do you wanna almost kiss again?”

your gaze drop to his mouth only because he said the word kiss, meeting his gaze again with narrowed eyes.

“we- we didn’t almost kiss.”

you stutter only because it’s cold.

“if you keep looking at me like that, you’ll be right,” he mutters, finger coming up to swipe across your lower lip. “we’ll definitely kiss.”

“give me an extra session,” he demands, ripping you from the unwanted but oh so tempting memory.

“absolutely not,” you protest, shaking your head. 

not only because you don’t want to be alone with him but because of the way he demands it. because something about the way he rolls his eyes, both, infuriates and amuses you. 

no part of you wants to be amused by him.

“oh, c’mon, y/n,” he groans, your face remaining blank despite the storm in your stomach. “just one extra session. i got a 40% for fucks sake.”

“well, did you study?”

“why would i do that?”

you can’t stop the scoff that leaves you or the way your eyes roll now, dead set on walking off because he’s a lost cause - if he’s not gonna put in the effort, why would you even waste your time and energy on him?

his hand reaches down to grab your wrist as you turn to leave silently, sparks shooting up your arm as his deep voice fills your ears.

“hey, i was kidding,” he says softly, far too many emotions dancing behind his brown eyes. far too many emotions that appear genuine, soft, real, but nothing about this man’s intrusive interest in you can be real. 

“look, i wouldn’t think to study because i didn’t know he was giving us a surprise fucking quiz, okay? usually, i would’ve.”

lie.

“well, it’s always helpful to review your notes after every class...” you mutter, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. 

he wants to scoff at how someone could be so intriguing and feisty the way you are but then so grossly stuck up and anal about schoolwork. 

“sounds like something you can help me do in a tutoring session.”

“sounds like something you should know being more than halfway done with college.” 

seonghwa’s tongue pokes the inside of his cheek as he snorts under his breath, not quite sure if he wants to meet you back with a snarky comment of his own or push you against the wall to silence you with his mouth. 

he knows the latter would humble you more, would throw you off in ways his words couldn’t - the way his words haven’t - but he also knows he has to save that for when you’re alone. 

when your guard is down, if possible, and you’re not surrounded by a building full of people - but there’s no harm in preparing you. 

testing the waters to see just how much he’ll be able to get away with in the first session; although seonghwa is closest to the wall, you’re somehow the one feeling trapped when he advances on you. 

taking a few steps closer, his black boots to your white sneakers, before he gently holds your chin between his slender pointer finger and thumb.

“i wonder if you’ll be this smart with me when it’s just us two studying,” he mutters. 

his eyes trace every part of your pretty face while yours watch him like a hawk; they’re alert and cautious, with just a hint of longing in them that leaves him confident, one way or another, this will work.

all his plans and patience and interest (whether it be feigned or not) will work out for him in more ways than one.

“is that why you don’t wanna?” he continues, mouth just inches from your ear, breath ghosting over your vanilla-scented skin. “are you scared to be alone with me, y/n?”

you hate the way your stomach swoops, sending a flurry of unwanted but intense butterflies through you; you hate how it’s like he knows it happens, a smirk crossing his face when he looks at you and you narrow your gaze. 

“nothing about you scares me.”

lie.

because you don’t trust how your body seems to naturally respond to him. how much your mind is actively reminding you how he’s made you smile and laugh when you haven’t in so long. 

he’s making you feel things when you haven’t felt anything in so long and that scares you. everything about that scares you.

“unless... should i be?”

because sometimes the look in his eye also scares you - it’s just not just your own unresolved trauma. 

you’re surprised there’s no tremor in your voice from his closeness, his gaze, his words, his overall aura of him that scares the shit out of you as much as it makes you feel things.

“i guess we’ll find out,” he says, fighting back a smirk because, yeah, maybe you should be scared but so should he. 

it scares him how something completely innate and inexplicable inside him is drawn to you (regardless of all the outside factors pulling him toward you in the first place).

you irritate the fuck out of him but he also knows, to his core, he’s a weak man who can’t resist the pretty face of an obviously troubled girl.

who holds so much mystery behind a snarky mouth and emotionless eyes. 

“how’s wednesday after class sound?”

you don’t know why you didn’t say no then - he wouldn’t force you, he couldn’t force you, and yet, you were now somehow hanging out with park seonghwa.

“alone?” yunjin squeaks, you, her and mingi sitting at your usual table in the cafeteria the next day. “as in like... just you two? tomorrow? why the heck are you just telling me this now?”

you roll your eyes at her dramatics, looking up from your self-made study guide.

“i don’t know, why did you keep hongjoong a secret?”

“oop,” mingi says, drowning out the sound of your roommate’s groan as he takes a bite of greasy pizza. “she got you there bitch.” 

yunjin throws him a dirty side eye, like she’s half tempted to throw his food on the ground and stomp all over it. 

“she didn’t get me anywhere, bitch,” yunjin sneers at him, before she turns to you and starts whining. “you guys are so mean, i didn’t keep him a secret!” 

the whole cafeteria can hear her lying through her teeth, you bet.

“he’s just a fellow peer, an acquaintance, if you will,” she continues, “why would that be worth mentioning?”

“because he’s an acquaintance you wanna bang and pathetically blush over,” mingi says, continuing to happily chow down as he mocks his best friend’s voice. 

“oh hongjoong! stop that, hongjoong! i never said that silly sweet hongjoongie!” 

you watch in amusement as yunjin suddenly snatches the pizza out of mingi’s hand, his mouth hung open about to take another bite; it’s scary to see her silent for once in her life but on a deadly mission, standing up without a word as she stomps over to a garbage can.

“she wouldn’t,” mingi says dramatically, looking on like it’s a tragic car accident; she slams it in like a triumph basketball player making the final shot. 

“she would. she did,” you say blankly, a smug look on her face as she makes her way back to the table ready to talk more shit.

“you owe me $3 you fucking-

“don’t call me out when you’re the one pathetically blushes and cries over yunho!” yunjin spits, the boy not focused on yunho or the drama or your hanging out with seonghwa but the very fact that his pizza is now in the trash.

“you still haven’t shut the fuck up about him and, quite frankly, it’s...”

you’re always grateful that their arguments manage to take the attention off you, even if just for a moment. even if their little pea brains eventually have their attention taken back by-

the chair next to screeches loudly against the floor, the sound ringing in your ear and causing you to wince. 

you look up from your study guide to see yunjin and mingi with their mouths in small o shapes, looking at you with wide eyes before you feel a presence next to you.

you felt him, smelt him, before you heard hm. his all too familiar deep, taunting tone which concerns you more than the look on your friend’s faces. 

“did you make that for our study sesh tomorrow, princess?”

“let’s see if you can beat those 43 seconds, pussy boy,” wooyoung yells at seonghwa’s retreating figure, watching his friend make his way over to your table. 

they didn’t know if it was more unbelievable that you agreed to meet earlier with him in the first place or that tutoring was the bright idea seonghwa came up with. 

“okay, okay! then riddle me this, you idiotic tortured soul,” wooyoung says, seonghwa rolling his eyes as yunho and hongjoong look on in amusement. 

“how are you gonna need tutoring when you’re, like, actually fucking smart?”

it took seonghwa throwing his 4/10 quiz for the table to let out a gasp, nobody but yunho catching on to what he did. 

“are you gonna fucking fail physics on purpose for this shit?” he asks, eyes wide in disbelief. “park, that’s the dumbest idea you’ve ever had.”

“it was one quiz,” seonghwa says nonchalantly, sat back in his chair with his broad shoulders and relaxed demeanor. “when i get 100 on both tests, it won’t matter.”

the table of men laughed at his cockiness.

laughed like it wasn’t such an insane fucking plan for someone to do but also laughed because the man wasn’t too far off. 

not only was seonghwa just one of those naturally gifted students who never had to study but he also had a semi photographic memory - wooyoung considers him to be a cheater. 

seonghwa tells him to get fucked.

“so, what, it’s gonna go down tomorrow then? just like that?” hongjoong asks, in slight disbelief at his friend’s confidence; he can admit it’s admirable but at what point does it become... insane?

“have you met her? of course not,” seonghwa scoffs, “i’ll be lucky if she says 10 words to me.”

“that sounds like a forfeit to me.”

“there was no time limit dickweed,” seonghwa says, a smirk pulling at his friend’s lips. “but nice try.”

because if there’s one thing seonghwa is, it’s competitive. 

as big a dick as he is, he would’ve never thought to do something like this unless there was some form of bet or victory on the line. 

“no shot is he beating 43 seconds,” yunho remarks, “that girl can’t stand him, sexual tension or not.”

“the same way her tall friend can’t stand you?” wooyoung asks sarcastically, the dark-haired man narrowing his gaze. “yeah, jeong, we all saw it. it’s cute, your tragic unrequited love.”

“it was unrequited for literally five seconds, you obviously didn’t see-”

“you two going at it in the bathroom? yeah, no, i think i’m glad i missed that.”

“we didn’t go at it anywhere,” yunho grumbles, not used to his friends seeing his romantic endeavors. “we had just met.”

“psh, like that means anything,” wooyoung scoffs, knowing they all have hooked up with girls without even knowing their names. 

his nosy gaze can’t help but travel over to your table where seonghwa’s sat down beside you. he’s wearing that flirty, charismatic smirk he always seems to wear around women that just seems to work.

wooyoung doesn’t have to see you to know you’re rolling your eyes or sneering at him, before the two of you fall into that all too weird... sexual stare down; he’ll admit that he never saw seonghwa do anything like that before, but he’s also never bet on a girl’s virginity. 

he reminds himself to ask seonghwa if he thinks that little unexpected tid bit of information about you changes anything. 

“hey guys,” wooyoung suddenly hears, eyes rolling at the unfortunately familiar feminine voice. “where did hwa go? i thought i saw him-”

wooyoung considers it, both, a miracle and a tragedy that hana’s watching seonghwa fully put the moves on you. 

because while it’s showing seonghwa is thorough and passionate in his attempts to win you over (even if for all the wrong, terrible, horribly pitiful reasons), it’s putting just another target on your back.

“why is he talking to her?”

she won’t say your name but spits the word ‘her’ out with disgust, hana plopping down with daggers thrown your way.

“she and her friend whose roots are starting to show really aren’t pretty.”

all the boys share a look at her whiney raging, wooyoung and yunho smirking while hongjoong just rolls his eyes.

“don’t you guys think he’s taking this too far?” the girl continues after a few seconds, tone just as hateful as the look in her eye. “all he has to do is sleep with her, why is he talking to her?”

“believe it or not, hana, i know this is, like, an insane concept to you,” wooyoung begins, wanting her to shut her stupid mouth for just one second. “but some people don’t sleep with someone 10 seconds after knowing them.”

“fuck you wooyoung.”

“then shut up and stop being a hater, hana.” 

“stop being a hater?” she shrieks, her voice high-pitched, like nails on a chalkboard. “you’re the assholes who started this bet in the first place!”

“please, like you give a fuck about that,” wooyoung scoffs, remembering the pathetic stunt she pulled during truth or dare last weekend - or even the past two years of the toxic, one-sided relationship between her and seonghwa that is truly sad to watch. 

“you just want seonghwa all to yourself, even though he told you time and time again it’s not like that.”

“you don’t know shit about me and seonghwa,” hana snaps, a red flush growing on her cheeks. “so shut your ugly mouth.”

“i know that he’d never wanna be with you for real,” he says, a fact everyone at this table knows - even her. “and i know that he’d never look at you the way he’s looking at her right now.”

they all turn toward your table, none of them blind to the striking side profile and charismatic smile he’s wearing. 

it’s obvious you’re in one of those sexually charged, faux hate, no-one-else-is-here-but-us stare downs that seems far too intimate for public.

your eyes are staring up at him with daggers, gaze falling to his arm that reaches over and brushes your shoulder as he touches the paper in front of you. 

seonghwa smirks when you narrow your gaze and move your body away from him, mingi and yunjin staring knowingly at each other. 

“that’s- that’s literally because of this stupid bet,” hana stammers, although it’s obvious from her gaze she’s raging inside; her head snaps to hongjoong, who has probably said less than 50 words to the girl in all the years of knowing her. 

“why did you even start it? that was really stupid.”

hongjoong smirks, his mouth opening to speak before wooyoung beats him to it. 

“you know what’s stupid hana? or, actually, rather sad?” wooyoung begins, the boys already knowing from his tone he’s about to be a dick.

“that even knowing how he feels about you, you still sleep with him. you still do anything for him even though you know deep down he can’t stand you,” wooyoung says, “you’re just someone he knows he can stick his dick in, with no questions asked, so maybe you should-”

nobody could say they were shocked when one minute, wooyoung was dry and hana’s can of iced tea was full and the next, he was soaked and the bottle was empty. 

angry tears burned hana’s eyes and it looks like, if she wasn’t yielding her empty can and humiliated in front of the table, she would’ve punched wooyoung right in the face.

that doesn’t stop her from throwing the empty can at him and shooting up, telling him to go fuck himself and she hopes he rots in hell before stomping away; one look from hongjoong and yunho tells wooyoung he might’ve went too far this time.

“what?” the man asks, irritation flooding through him - hana annoyed the fuck out of all of them, why are they looking at him like that? 

when the silence and stares prevail, irritation becomes guilt.

“what?” he repeats, soaked with iced tea as he stares narrow-eyed at his friends. 

“what do you mean what?” yunho asks, “you deserve that iced tea man, that’s all i’ll say.”

“how do you figure?”

“how do you figure?” hongjoong parrots, “c’mon, woo. you even know that was a little fucked up.”

“oh, like she doesn’t say fucked up things?”

because if hana doesn’t go for his looks, calling him overweight and ugly every chance she gets, she goes for his intelligence - the two things wooyoung struggled with severely growing up and only took hana a few weeks to somehow pick up on.

the girl wasn’t as dumb as he made her out to be - she was a master manipulator. she’s able to sense people’s deepest, darkest insecurities and use them with her harsh words. 

if seonghwa wasn’t who he was, she could’ve easily fooled him too; lucky for him, and unlucky for her, he’s darker than he lets on, too.

“she’s a bitch and you all know it.”

“okay, yeah, but you basically just called her a desperate whore. that’s not cool either... even if she is.”

it took a few moments of silence, side eyes back and forth, and a quirk of a smirk on wooyoung’s mouth for the group of men to burst out into childish snorts and snickers. 

“you’re absolutely fucking soaked.”

“that’s what she said.”

“that’s what hana said, apparently, since she’s such a big who-”

“what are you idiots... why are you fucking drenched?”

“he called hana a desperate whore and said she’s only a hole to you,” hongjoong says, wooyoung shrugging innocently as yunho nods in agreement. “but anyway, how did it go?”

“seemed longer than 30 seconds, unlike the sex you’re gonna have,” wooyoung says, yunho smirking before he asks if he’s ready for tomorrow.

“no, yunjin, i’m not ready, how can i ever be ready? i hate this man,” you groan hours later in the dorm. “i don’t know how i even got myself into this.”

yunjin had interrogated you since the moment seonghwa sauntered away from your table with a smirk on his face, the lingering presence of his hand on your shoulder, both, irritating and enticing.  

“i know how,” yunjin mutters, the two of you laying in your respective beds. 

the room was lit only by the soft, flickering glow of the tv, the newest season of the bachelorette playing in the background.

you already know when you look over and see an excited smile on her make-up free face that you’re not gonna like what she has to say. 

“i think it’s because a small part of you maybe likes him.”

“yunjin...” you say warningly, with the tone you always seem to use when she mentions him. “we already talked about this.”

“i know, i know,” she sighs, “but... like... god, it makes sense! he’s hot, y/n, super fucking hot. and he looks at you in a way that is sooooo sexy! like he wants to rip your clothes off and-”

“oh my god, stop!” you whine, throwing your pillow over your face. 

“oop, sorry, forgot! virgin ears,” yunjin teases; you know it’s in a way that’s playful and light-hearted, not at all mocking or judging the way hana tried to make it.

“but, look, those virgin ears are exactly why i have to prepare you. it’s my duty as a non-virgin and your roommate turned bestie to warn you of the signs you are obviously missing.”

“i’m not missing anything,” you mutter, throwing her a look of disdain in the darkness. “there’s just not anything to-”

“do his eyes roam your face?” she asks. 

“do they linger on your lips? does he lean down almost every time he speaks to you? or every time you say something and he pretends to not catch it? does he look for any reason to touch you?”

you fight your own mind to not think back to your times in class, your times at the party, your times just earlier that day when he sat down next to you like he belonged beside you.

like your arms were meant to be brushing, just barely touching at all times but enough for those sparks to shoot up your skin. 

“you sound like you’re writing a ridiculous romance novel.”

“because you two literally are a romance novel, y/n!” yunjin squeals, “you have the sexual chemistry of a work of fiction. that’s how intense it is. there’s a reason people write about those things in a book! because it’s true! sexual tension is sexual tension!”

“you’re insane, yunjin,” you mutter, shaking your head as you bury yourself further into your pillow. “literally insane.”

but even if she’s insane, even if she just said those things to say them and comfort you in some weird way, you find that the next day, her words are playing over in your head. 

“do his eyes roam your face?”

“do they linger on your lips?”

“does he lean down almost every time he speaks to you?”

“does he look for any reason to-”

“hey tutor.” 

like every time you hear his voice, your body reacts first. 

you sincerely wish that it didn’t, wish your heart didn’t jump and you didn’t stiffen because you’re scared he’ll somehow know, but it annoyingly does.

every time.

and this time’s no different, worse even, knowing that you’ll have to spend a few hours with him and yunjin’s voice in your head.

“if you sit next to me, the deal is off.”

he simply smirks as he lingers by the table, your eyes peering up at him. watch as his seem to trace over your face, a smirk covering it when he catches that ever-present look of annoyance in your gaze. 

do his eyes roam your face?

“i don’t go back on my deals, y/n, don’t worry,” he says, a quiet scoff leaving you because of course he doesn’t - why would he when he gets way more out of this than you?

his gaze drops down to your parted lips and you’re thankful only because you can feel your eyes betray you and widen.

do they linger on your lips?

you only feel more and more flustered, more and more pissed off at stupid, overly-talkative yunjin, when he starts to lean down because no way. no fucking way are him and your roommate not just in cahoots and playing some big practical joke on you. 

no way did she stupidly call out every action this man just did in a 15 second window. 

“but that means you can’t go back on yours,” he mumbles, breath wafting over your ear.

your hit with the scent of his cologne and your nose twitches, momentarily distracting you from the ridiculous goosebumps attempting to prickle on your skin right now. 

you don’t care how much he knows he effects your body, you can’t help that, but you can get your shit together for just a second. look up at him and meet his cocky gaze and narrow your eyes at him.

“i’m not.”

it’s short, biting and everything you needed to portray, even if your insides are slightly quivering. 

seonghwa’s back to roaming your face, eyes lit with something mischievous, lit with something that makes you scared but also, dare you say, intrigued for later. 

he thinks he’s gonna get you under his thumb, that much you can tell and, maybe, if you listened to your body more easily, you would be - but your brain won’t allow it.

not so easily anyway. 

you think. you hope. 

“good,” he says.

his hand comes down to the table, as if to steady himself to raise to his full height again, but when his pinkie meets yours, it’s obviously not so innocent. your eyes stay narrowed and his smirk remains, the both of you stubbornly holding each others gaze.

“i’ve never been so excited to study before, you know,” seonghwa continues, his voice deep and low so the nosy, very obviously eavesdropping students don’t listen. “i hope class goes quick. really quick.”

“i wish i could say the same,” you say back, a fake, tight smile on your face. it only gets faker, tighter, when his very real smirk widens.

“oh, c’mon, y/n, i know you were up all night thinking about it,” seonghwa teases, rubbing his pinkie along yours. sparks shoot through your skin and you briefly wonder if he feels it too or if you really are that touch-starved. 

“thinking about it, dreading it, who’s to say really?” 

“i feel like that counts,” he says with a smirk.

“of course you would,” you bite back, eyes rolling.

you both miss the way the girl around you, who knew something was up from day one, side-eyes the others. the way everyone can’t help but read the body language and mumbled words and notice the closeness of two people who seem to work like magnets. 

it’s rude to stare, creepy, even, but it’s just so blaring obvious.

obvious enough that, when the professor comes in, the girl clears her throat and you catch her look. you wonder when she stopped minding her own business.

seonghwa’s moving away before someone gets the chance to say anything, though, his pinkie still grazing yours.

“are you sure i shouldn’t just sit up here? it’d be easier for us to just-”

one pointed look from you has him chuckling under his breath and, at last, pulling his hand away from you. 

“fine,” he says, sighs out, like you’re an utter inconvenience to him. “i’ll be back up here for you after class, though.”

“why wouldn’t you be,” you mutter under your breath but he’s already gone. 

he’s gone and the nosy, obvious girl next to you is side-eyeing you like you’re the one being rude. like you’re the one sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong.

like you’ve cracked the world’s greatest mystery and didn’t, somehow, open pandora’s box in the form of park seonghwa. 

your phone vibrates in your sweatshirt pocket and you quickly peek at it while the professors getting ready; if you weren’t already flustered by your stupid roommate and her stupid non-virgin, romance novel reading, intrusive self, you would be now. 

yunjin [1:02 pm]: remember! eyes roaming face. lingering on lips. leaning down when he speaks to you. touching you for little to no reason. i want ALL the details when ur back home <3 have fun... but not TOO much fun ;)

you scoff at the message, a scowl on your face - later will be anything but too much fun.

part 5: coming soon

tag list: hii! so since i haven’t updated in literally forever (but plan on writing this again, fear not), i figured a lot of accounts have been changed/deactivated so i’m just gonna start a new tag list lol if you wanna be added, just let me know <3 

[saltydoesstuff]

Every Universe

"I love you." She uttered, barely above a whisper. "I love you in every universe." "Do we end up together in every universe?" He asked. "No," She replied, and the painful memories of those life times flashed behind her beautiful eyes as she reflected to the 'back then's. Yet, she smiled, "But I love you anyway, how could I not? My soul yearns for you, even before it had come to know you. It remembers, I remember." "Does it hurt?" She was silent for a moment, "A lifetime without you hurts more then a lifetime when we are not together." "I love you." He blurts out unthinkingly, desperate. He reaches out for her hand, taking it and holds it in both hands in a grounding grip. She looked down at their hands and smiled, relishing in the bitter sweetness. "I know." She confesses quietly. She held his hand tightly, trying to ignore the buzzing within her body- threatening to tear her apart atom by atom. "But you aren't mine. Not this time."

[dykespence]

Carla Literally fucked around and found out (then got bashed in the head after being rejected by the same exact woman while her place of comfort and work is in absolute shambles because of that woman's daughter being petty)

[earlysunshines]

trying to finish mr plankton and after i do i will for sure be making a hanni fic inspired off it sorry Lol