#hopefully the point i wanted to make did not get lost in the info dump.

[megyulmi]

➠ Binding vow and invoking Fudō in Pure Land Buddhism:

I have been seeing posts on the nature of binding vows since Chapter 258, so I decided to share my notes on it in hopes they could be of use to a fellow reader.

Considering Akutami Gege’s consistency in incorporating practices and beliefs of different Buddhist schools into the storyline, personally, performing a binding vow reminds me of the process of invoking Fudō, as well as Amitābha’s ‘Primal Vow’. Here, I am specifically addressing the vows made with oneself as I believe they are significantly different from the vows made with others.

Fudō is an esoteric Buddhist deity for rebirth (from Pure Land worship). He was invoked by reciting his incantation as a deathbed practice to attain proper mindfulness at death allowing rebirth into the Pure Land, particularly Miroku’s Heaven, from the late Heian into the Kamakura period. He is a manifestation of the cosmic Buddha Dainichi (大日, Mahāvairocana) sent to assist Buddhist practitioners and to arrest those who would impede the Buddhist path. Fudō was most popular among the nobility for his efficacy in propitious birth, restoration of health and resurrection from death, and the subjugation of adversaries.

He is associated with the ‘Mantra of Compassionate Help’, which helps remove the hindrances at death. The mantra loosely translates as “Homage to the All-Encompassing Vajra, the Manifestation of Great Wrath. Eliminate [all hindrances].”

There are different instances of invoking Fudō. The first one is, invoking him for Miroku’s Heaven. It is related to Sōō, a monk of the Tendai school. According to the legend, while Sōō was performing ascetic practices before a waterfall on the Katsuragawa river, he prayed to Fudō to take him to Miroku’s Heaven. Fudō did indeed carry Sōō to Miroku’s Heaven, but when they arrived at the gate to the inner palace, Sōō was not allowed in because he could not yet recite the Lotus Sutra from memory. But when Sōō later recited the Lotus Sutra before the image of Fudō at his temple, he was able to gain entry.

The second one is invoking Fudō at Death. According to the court diary Chūyūki (中右記) by Fujiwara no Munetada (藤原宗忠), Emperor Horikawa on his death bed, “first chanted the titles of the larger Hannya and Lotus sutras, as well as the august name of the venerable Fudō; then chanted the august names of Śākya[muni] and [A]mida and faced the west.”

There is another story, according to which there was a sculpture of Fudō in Nara that used to appear to a nun at Higashiyama in Kyoto because she recited Fudō’s Mantra of Compassionate Help twenty-one times every day praying for proper mindfulness at death. In the time of death, when she became seriously ill, she put her hands together to form Fudō’s mudra and seated properly, her breath stopped, and without sickness, she came to the end with proper mindfulness. Here it is noteworthy that she was a member of the Ungoji nenbutsu group.

Additionally, it is useful to look into the concept of ‘Primal Vow or Fundamental Vow (本願, hongan)’, which in Japanese Pure Land Buddhism is the 18th vow that is part of a series of 48 vows that Amitābha made in the Infinite Life Sutra that in certain aspects (depending on the school) can be connected with invoking Fudō.

Nenbutsu is the invocation ‘namu amida butsu’ (南無阿弥陀仏, ‘I take my refuge in the Buddha Amitābha’) chanted in the hope of rebirth into Amida's Pure Land. It is important to note that Nenbutsu were not only directed to Amitābha but other Buddhas as well. Myōe, a famous priest of the Kegon school, is known to have invoked Fudō on his deathbed seeking rebirth in Miroku’s Heaven. It is said that at the time of Myōe’s death, “two or three times he intoned the invocation Namu Miroku Bosatsu, raising his hands in prayer and devoutly reciting the nenbutsu.”

The sutra reads: “If, when I attain Buddhahood, sentient beings in the lands of the ten quarters who sincerely and joyfully entrust themselves to me, desire to be born in my land, and call my Name, even ten times, should not be born there, may I not attain perfect Enlightenment.”

In the sutra, we see clearly what Amitābha’s ‘exchange’ is: “If they should not be born there, may I not attain perfect Enlightenment.” The vow is made at the risk of not being able to attain Enlightenment. Personally, it directly relates to the binding vow made with oneself in JJK: give up something, gain something; or, break the binding vow, lose what you have gained. Nanami is the easiest example to understand in this regard. His binding vow limits the amount of cursed energy he can access to about 80-90% while on the clock. Once his normal shift ends and he begins working overtime, Nanami’s cursed energy increases and by invoking Overtime, he is able to utilise 110-120% of his maximum power. He gains something while giving up something in exchange, and if he were to break the vow, he would lose what he has gained.

The practice itself is complex and depending on the accounts (and the schools) can be different, but personally, I can see how it could relate to the concept of binding vows made with oneself in JJK. In exchange for ‘devotion’, one can invoke the help of Fudō, who by landing his strength can help the invoker overcome the hindrance or the adversity they are facing. When summed up in this simple way, it does resonate with the concept of the binding vow made with oneself. Although the conditions naturally have to be completely different (i.e. what ‘devotion’ entails in JJK terms).

It might offer us a bit of perspective on why Sukuna seems the most efficient (well-versed) in performing the binding vow as well. We see from the examples I provided that invoking Fudō requires the knowledge of certain sutras and a long period of practice. Sukuna, coming from the Heian period (assuming that binding vows were more common like the practice of invoking Fudō that declined over time and is almost extinct in the modern day), would have been able to accumulate such knowledge and would be more familiar with the process of invoking it than your average modern-day sorcerer. He may as well have an understanding of ‘incantations’ that might otherwise not have survived the time.

Considering Akutami Gege’s incorporation of Buddhist practices, personally, it might not be too far off that he might have drawn inspiration from combining the two when creating the concept of binding vows.

[draco-after-dark]

Captured and contained

Little info dump on the whole diamond prison thing with regards to my Feral JD AU

So basically what happened when Velvet and Veneer first captured JD in my au is Veneer is always looking for more animals for his little side zoo project. They happened to be doing a photo shoot outside in the woods for a new album cover. Veneer went on a walk to have some alone time and stumbled across a little goblin boy. Aka JD.

"Oooo aren't you a cute little fella, You would be perfect as desk decoration!"

*JD gets snatched*

Later when Veneer tells Velvet he got a new pet and reveals JD. Her initial reaction is "Okay, but where did you even get that thing it's disgusting." JD proceeds to bite Veneer (multiple times) and wriggle himself free from his hands. He then runs rampant through their dressing room until they manage to contain him in a crystal bottle. The only thing they thought was strong enough to hold him. Later down the line when Velvet captures Floyd (basically the same sequence of events as the movie from here) and starts using him for his talent. That's when they realize that JD is actually a troll as well. JD being JD though is as Velvet described "uncooperative" and "savage" so she refuses to use him for his talent and instead tells Veneer "That one can be yours. You're that one that found that thing anyway." So Veneer does end up using JD for his talent just not nearly as often as Velvet does Floyd. JD does still get hit pretty hard by the whole draining thing considering he is grey and unlike the average troll has in a sense "forgotten/lost" his talent. That doesn't stop him from unleashing hell on the twin every chance he gets. Goblin man will do goblin things

Then things follow the movie pretty much the same except Bruce and Clay end up getting captured when they all break into the dressing room to rescue Floyd. Poppy and Branch end up escaping into the rafters. Velvet ends up sticking Clay and Floyd in her shoulder pads and Veneer gets Bruce. Veneer leaves JD behind in his dressing room because he feels guilty and doesn't want to hurt him any more than he has to.

Fast forward to the family harmony scene where although they are technically down a brother and Floyd is still trapped in Velvet's clutches the 3 brothers and pop sisters sing on anyway. The family harmony DOES end up working to free Floyd and also JD. I'm playing this off on the idea that despite JD not being present physically he could feel the connection to his brothers and their desperation to help Floyd. JD wants the same thing, to free Floyd and that is what connects them all together. It's like Branch said "We don't have to be perfect to be in harmony, We just have to be as we are." (just go with it ok IDK) Once the diamonds are shattered JD is pretty worst for wear, unlike Floyd he doesn't have anyone to support him right off the bat. He is used to being on his own at this point tho and only cares about getting Floyd out. He tucks himself away into a corner of the room behind some furniture to hide and rest up till he can get the both of them out of this hell hole.

Mind you only Floyd knows that he's also being held captive somewhere backstage when all this is happening. So once Floyd regains consciousness and has a chance to take a moment with his brothers. he then immediately goes into full anxiety mode well explaining that they have to get to JD. The others confused about what he's talking about don't believe him at first, but do end up helping Floyd backstage since he keeps insisting that JD needs them. They do end up finding JD and that's where the real story begins.

:D

Hopefully this makes sense? I ain't no writer sorry people

Little bonus scene

"Hey Vel does this look infected to you???"

"I can't believe we're related... CRIMP SCHEDULE A HOSPITAL VISIT BECAUSE MY IDIOT OF A BROTHER GOT BITTEN BY A FUCKING RAT!"

[starqueensthings]

So I’ve been really struggling with the unexpected events of the season two finale, and I know a lot of us have been. We’ve all been grieving in different ways, but I wanted to share one of the coping mechanisms I used to help me get through the first couple days. I wrote these snippets from the perspective of Wrecker, Hunter, and Echo, as a sort of prayer or message to Tech. All three are based on the concept of heaven, or a peaceful afterlife, so if that’s not your thing, please carry on. And while I’m not overly religious, the concept of peace after death is something I find cathartic. Please enjoy, and hopefully this helps you like it has been helping me.

TW: implied death of a brother, angst, regret, self-blame, deep love for a brother.

Tech, if you can hear me

Part One: Wrecker

Part Two: Hunter (Regret)

“Tech, if you can hear me…

How did we get here? How did it come to this point? How are we down to only three?

We lost Crosshair first, and I really struggled with it in the beginning… I couldn’t believe he had chosen the Imperial path over us, inhibitor chip or not. But he made a decision, and I had to learn to respect it. At least, that’s what you told me. You made it make sense. You and he always did seem to understand each other on a deeper level.

Now, I’ve lost you too… and I still can’t wrap my head around it. None of us can. Everything around me tells me that you’re still with us. I can still smell the smoke from your soldering pen lingering in the air on the ship. I can still sense you in the pilots chair. I can almost hear you trying to explain the logic of Cid’s actions to Echo (who’s angrier than I’ve ever seen). But the reality is… all of it is a trick of the senses. You’re not here. We did lose you, and in the worst way.

I made a promise to myself that none of us would ever have to utter the words “plan-99”. That I would make sure, as our leader, that we would never be in a position where we’d need to use those words, or make that heavy of a decision. But so much changed too quickly. I was so busy trying to find a happier life for Omega, and trying to keep us off the radar of anyone that could hurt us, that I didn’t see my grip on our squad starting to slip. Imagine that, a guy with enhanced senses, so blind to everything around him.

A big part of me wants to apologize for letting you down… and the same part of me wonders if maybe I’m not fit to be a leader outside of war. It’s such uncharted territory. Our combat tactics aren’t effective anymore… our success rate seems like something so far in the past. These days, there’s so much that I don’t understand. How am I going to navigate it without you at my shoulder?

‘Times change, targets change.’ That’s what Guerrera said to us on Onderon, do you remember? Damn, was he right. I didn’t see it then. But I see it now. And when we saw him on Eriadu, he graced us with another dose of radical realism. ‘Sacrifices have to be made for the greater good.’

I’ve wondered every minute if it was his words that planted the seed in your head. You always did pick up on little anecdotes that the rest of us missed.

In fact, there’s a lot you contributed to this unit that went unnoticed, and it eats me alive now more than ever. I would trade my vibroblade… hell, even my bandana for one of your info dumps right now. Two minutes about anything. Please. Your silence is louder than anything.

This squad isn’t the same without you. Life isn’t the same without you. But if you can hear me, take this as a promise. We will be reunited, in this life or the next. We’re going to get Omega, we’re going to get Crosshair, and I will make sure, if it’s the last thing I do as the leader of this squad, that your sacrifice will not be for nothing. We will find peace, and we will see each other again, brother.

Hunter.”

.

*I would just like to clarify that, as a viewer, I place zero blame on Hunter for the events that unfolded. I harvest no ill feelings towards him, but I feel like he would innately want to shoulder the weight of the blame so that’s how I wrote this.

[axewchao]

The Mass of Muscle in Mario Kart, The Enforcer That'll Make You See Stars in the Smash Bros. Boxing Ring, it's Morton Koopa Jr.!! I'd already hoomanized this loveable goof waaaay back in 2017, so I guess this can be considered a long-overdue upgrade instead of a debut :3

Admittedly, I don't have much to say in regards to his design. Rather disappointing in hindsight, since this is the team blabbermouth I'm talking about here… :'D

At most, I wanted to do a bit more than just give him a tank top and shorts and call it a day. Dunno why I thought "bomber vest," but much like Larry's crop top it was a match made in heaven. Getting the right shade of red was a bit tricky, though. I wanted to avoid having something too dull, but also wanted to avoid burning people's eyes. Hopefully I was able to do just that owo"

Time to make a list with a Morton-worthy word count! >:3

Morton's magic is primarily creation/transformation-based. You know those spells where you form objects, weapons, or even buildings out of whatever's around you? Yeah, those kind of spells. While Morton primarily uses these spells to construct the various castles across the Worlds during a kingdom takeover, don't be surprised when a giant chunk of wall is suddenly ripped away, mashed into a misshapen ball (with or without spikes for extra pain), and promptly thrown at you.

However, that isn't to say he can just build whatever the hell he wants on a dime. When it comes to any project, big or small, he needs a clear and detailed visual either in his mind or on paper, lest the result fall apart within minutes or even seconds after Morton casts the spell. Hence why he has a construction company in tow instead of just building castles solo. He's not good with blueprints...

Morton's talent wasn't discovered until he accidentally reformed a wall in the Koopa Castle library. He was touring the castle during a class field trip, got lost, and was enamored by the seemingly endless array of magical tomes. For future reference, you shouldn't try to read incantations aloud, especially if you don't know what they're supposed to do.

Kamek wasn't sure whether to scold this grade-schooler kid for nearly destroying his precious library or praise him for reading the incantation well enough to just 'rearrange' the bricks instead of wrecking an entire castle wall. Morton was sent home that day with little more than a stern warning, but a few days later a letter shows up with his name on it, asking Morton to return to Castle Koopa to take an aptitude test. If this kid's got any magical talent in his veins, letting him run amok without proper training is just asking for trouble down the line.

This time he DID destroy a wall. And part of the ceiling. And two windows. And maybe terrify his dad a little, to the point where custody was handed over a little... quicker than expected...

To say that Morton was hurt by the above incident would be an understatement. He... he passed the test, didn't he? He's gonna train under the royal advisor now! Why was his father so... scared...? How could he just... leave Morton like that?! If Bowser Jr.'s Journey is any indication, loyalty is very important to Morton, and this kind of betrayal was unacceptable. That night, with angry tears in his eyes, Morton swore to never call that man his father ever again. His new King Dad was sure to be much better anyway. 

By extension, he refuses to speak to his other biological family members either. Though some of his siblings have tried to call...

Much like Larry, Morton is prone to info-dumping about the things he likes, which usually revolves around whatever show or book he's hooked on that month. Nothing excites him more than a well-crafted story, full of adventure and lore or just something that makes the viewer/reader stop and think for a moment. He's popular in a number of forum circles for always crafting long but well-thought-out essays on the subject in question.

He's always recommending things to his siblings, catering each title to each Koopaling's tastes. Do they actually check the titles out? Not as often as he'd hope.

Ludwig once decided to take up Morton's suggestion and watched a Mario-verse equivalent of Your Lie in April. He blamed Morton for the hours he spent sobbing afterward.

Every now and again he'll take a stab at writing his own stories, be it original or fanfic. If Morton suddenly starts talking in third person, that's a hint that he was trying to write something recently and couldn't turn his "writing mode" off.

He reverts to short, choppy sentences when he's upset and can't think straight. This may even lead to him mispronouncing words or using improper grammar. Think "MORTON STRONG! MORTON MORE TONS!!"

He's quick to develop crushes on girls with great physical strength. This is actually pretty common amongst Dragon Koopas, as many of them view those with great power, be it magic or muscle, as very desirable mates. Not even Ludwig can resist such allure at the end of the day~ >;3c

That being said, he's not one to act on said desires as soon as he has them. As much as he likes tough girls, he's actually very shy when talking to one, and forces himself to be very polite out of fear of scaring her off.

His magic wand was turned into a hammer-shaped belt buckle. Yes he will insist that it's a hammer, not a pipe. Hammers are awesome, pipes suck, end of story.

[sodamnbored]

I so badly want a Roman prequel series. More than a Solangelo book. There could be so many great things in it.

Ideally, we’d get a series, basically original PJO but on the Roman side, presumably then following Jason in the same way we originally followed Percy.

But that would just be rehashing what we’ve already seen! Jason’s story would be too similar to Percy’s! - I hear you cry. But bear with me.

Yes: there would be some big similarities - following a son of one of the big three as he grows up and masters his powers and all that. And yes it would also conclude with him fighting a titan. But! I also think they’re different enough that it would read more as parallels than just copy and paste. It could be really interesting.

For one thing: Jason is starting way earlier than Percy. And I am desperate to know about the wolves thing. Correct me if I’m wrong, but all the info we have thus far is pretty vague, no? We know he went to the wolves when he was about two years old. But we don’t really know how long he stayed with them.

There’s the idea that he was raised by wolves (which don’t get me wrong I love that) and only went to the Legion when he was older - for parallels sake say about twelve. But we don’t know that’s the case for sure. He might’ve just spent the more or less normal time period with the wolves, or even if he were there longer than most - a year, two years even - he might’ve toddled off to camp still pretty young.

Cause this is another thing: we know very little about Camp Jupiter. In CHB you see for a fact that there are plenty of young demigods there, talking ten and under. Unless I’m mistaken, we never really heard mention of any little kids in the Legion right? Hazel was what, thirteen, in SoN, which is fairly young, but I don’t think there was any mention of anyone much younger than that. There was the little girl helping Terminus, but she was from New Rome not the Legion. And the Legion isn’t a summer camp of course, that’s a crucial difference.

They are quite literally an army, preparing for war should one ever arise. So do they have a minimum age requirement? Would not be unreasonable to assume they would. We know the majority of Legionaries are legacies from New Rome as opposed to actual half bloods, so it’s not unreasonable to think these kids live normal lives in New Rome until they hit a certain age and get conscripted/have the option to join the Legion for training.

If this is the case, then Jason might not’ve been with the wolves for years at all. He could’ve done his time and then been passed along to the care of New Rome. Set up somewhere to go to school and grow up and have something of a life to prepare him for his future in the Legion. That would be an interesting difference from Percy who had grown up not knowing about his heritage, for Jason to be fully aware of his godly parentage and to grow up knowing he was heading to the Legion as soon as he was old enough. I’m not sure about timings because in The Lost Hero pretty sure he’s fifteen and has twelve lines on his tattoo “for twelve years of service in the Legion” according to the wiki; but the wiki for the tattoos alone says the lines can be for years at Camp Jupiter or for completed quests and such, so it could mean he was toddling about CJ at three years old in mini Legionnaire armour like Caligula (oh the irony), or just that he crammed a crap load of cool stuff into just a few years when he was older.

So the series could quite happily start with him joining the Legion and maybe just summarise his life before that, have the important parts explained as relevant to the plot, I dunno. But it would give us more info on how Camp Jupiter actually works because personally I am clamouring for more info on the Romans.

Presuming that Jason is at least a Probatio by the time he’s about twelve (and it’d be cool to see him earn his full place in the legion too), that also means we’d get to see other people’s stories happening alongside his.

We know he fought the Trojan Sea Monster at some point, so that would be a cool quest to see play out. We don’t know a lot of other things he’s done, but we can assume he’d have been in the Legion when Reyna turned up, which would also be a really interesting story to follow.

We know from tSoM that Reyna and Hylla were on Circe’s island, when Percy was about 12/13, and it seems in SoN that he and Reyna were both around the same age, 16 or so. We know Reyna and Hylla spent some time after tSoM on Blackbeard’s ship before she made it to Camp Jupiter. So somewhere between ages 12-16, she would pop up at camp and I firmly believe she would’ve been Jason’s friend before they both became Praetors. And I would kill to see it. I wanna see them go on a quest together so badly. They would be an awesome team.

But we’d get to see Jason go through the steps, Probatio to Centurion to Praetor. We’d see him improving the Fifth Cohort’s standing in the Legion. We’d see Reyna become Praetor. (We’d ideally see Jason and Octavian gently bitch at each other like with Percy, but that’s just for me.) We’d get to see Jason and Reyna being Praetors together for a bit hopefully. That would be cool. And no doubt the series would conclude with their side of the Titan War, with Krios’ defeat - which would be so cool to see!

Being able to see more of their side of the war would also be really interesting as well. Because surely, there was more to it for them than just that one battle out of nowhere right? They must’ve been aware of the war and enlisted by the gods to help out right? Maybe there were some other titans for them to fight, maybe they had defectors too? Perhaps they were under the impression Kronos was still chopped up in little bits and Krios was running the show, either wanting to take Kronos’ place as the big cheese, or thinking the titans were working to reform Kronos, but they were kept out of Luke’s side of things so they didn’t realise that he already had been? Who knows. Certainly not me, cause we don’t have any books on it.

And there would be opportunities to have almost crossovers. Particularly regarding the war. They might just overhear things that don’t necessarily make sense to them but that we get, stuff like that. See some aftermath from one of Percy’s visits to the area. So many options.

Oh also actually, just for added angst and a different view than Percy’s, there was that freaking tragic bit in HoH I think where Jason thinks about his mother. The part about following orders and rules bothered him, but he insisted on doing so and keeping his promises because his mother had abandoned him and broken her promise. That would be an interesting aspect for the narration and his point of view because it’s the exact opposite of Percy. Percy doesn’t mind pushing the limits with the gods and exploiting loopholes or calling them on their faults, focused on surviving till the end of the day when he can go home to his mother and forget the gods and their stupid rules. Jason, on the other hand, doesn’t have anywhere to go back to. Camp Jupiter and the roles he’s given there are quite literally it for him, so even though he may resent it as much as Percy, he feels the need to bite his tongue and do everything in his power meet expectations and stay in line, etc. And yes, it’s for the benefit of others like he said in HoH, but maybe also the threat that if he makes too much trouble, where else is he gonna go and who else outside the Legion does he have?

Unfortunately we wouldn’t get to see Frank and Hazel come into it as newbies because that would’ve only happened after the war, so unlikely the series would continue after they beat Krios. But it’d still be a good set up to lead back into HoO alongside original PJO.

Also, I wanna know if Jason would’ve been particularly aware of his dad handing him off to Juno, or if she took a back seat until yoinking his memories out his head and dumping him on a dusty bus. I quite like the idea of him knowing, that she wouldn’t have been shy about popping up now and again as his patron, maybe sending him quests, offering occasional assistance like Poseidon did for Percy. Juno cared about her little champion, you can’t tell me different. I’d like to see her drop by from time to time. Or if he just accepted he was Jupiter’s and his dad basically never wanted to talk to him, and was a bit blindsided when Juno popped up after his hit on Krios.

Maybe he was just heading to bed after a long day of Titan slaying, thinking what he’d have for breakfast tomorrow and poof - Juno staring at him in his PJs, doesn’t he feel underdressed. Barely gets out an “um-?” before she’s like “got a quest for you. Surprise!”

(Since we got The Fall Of Jason Grace from Apollo in ToA, this series could be called something silly like The Rise Of Jason Grace to mirror it. I dunno.)

Either way, I need this. We deserve this. I will literally pay like 20$ per book if we could get this.

Wrote this hella sleep deprived and without sources and I’m still in ToA and haven’t read the extra books yet like demigod files and the Probatio one, so anything I’ve missed, had been answered, or is just plain wrong, let me know.

[br4inr0tx]

Yo, I’d like to ask for Yandere Hazbin Hotel and Creepypasta if that’s cool, though I prefer it to be platonic if that’s nice as well.

I’m biologically female (but identify as Non Binary), my sexuality is Aro/Ace, zodiac is Aquarius, INFP-T, and my love languages are Words of Affirmation and Acts of Service. I have brown hair/eyes, my height is 5’2, my skin is black, and my body is on the chubbier side.

Im said to be shy and quiet whenever around unfamiliar faces and try to avoid crowds as best as I can, but if spoken to, I say something Ill mannered without meaning to and I apologize immediately, even if I am forgiven. With friends, I’m considered the “older sibling” because I help them with educational work, listen to their vents or anything that need to get off their chest, give personal advice on what they need, ect. Despite this, I can be very intense when it comes to my interests (which can range from reading a book to playing video games) and expressing my emotions/feelings that either someone else or I have to remind me to calm down whenever I info dump on those subjects.

Hopefully this is enough for you, though you have all rights to ignore/delete this request.

I got you 👍

Your Platonic! Yandere! Hazbin Hotel matchup is.. Husk !!

• Ah, yes. Husk. One of the characters we barely know anything about, but I’m still gunna give him to you. Not to mention, I don’t think a Yandere Husk would be super violent so that’s a plus. Unless you’re a kinky freak.

• His Yandere type is RAHS. First, Reverent. The ability he lost so long ago seems to be seeping back into reality, wether he likes it or not- or if he’s even aware of it. He’s aware you probably couldn’t give a shit about him. Which is probably false, he just has to much of a low self esteem to notice. Despite that, I don’t think Husk is the type of person that would lie to you, or really himself. And well- he doesn’t want you to get in any trouble or whatever.. or get caught up in whatever business Alastor’s planning so.. don’t.

• He’s too old to understand pronouns. But he’ll try. I’m a perfect world he’d get it all the time, but he just- doesn’t understand? Idfk.

• He’s a pussy regarding love, but is so infatuated with you he can’t help but spill his praises one way or another. Mostly through actions and gifts, so that’s another reason you’d be any slightly interested in him.

• Bro my Yandere matchups are hard to understand sometimes. They’re like regular matchups but I make the character more creepy.

• Husk is good with common curtsy when it comes to people he cares about, or someone he doesn’t hate completely. It just come naturally to him for some odd reason. Expect him to be a gentleman if you guys to out. Even if you ask about it, he says it wasn’t even a big deal.

• HAHAHA HOW ARE YOU THAT SMALL?

• Which is what he’s thinking in his mind. No worries though, I’m shorter then you. Lucky mf.

• Anyway, it just adds to the cuteness of you. He isn’t one to tease on appearances to much I think- unless it stands out a lot. Like being covered in neon bright colors.

• Which leads to my next point; he doesn’t care what you look like. You being squishy and warm is addicting. He just tends to nuzzle up to you.

• Avoid people and shy? - Cheers, Husk’ll drink to that. That is to say the guy doesn’t drink over everything, but whatever. He doesn’t like people or having to converse as a whole, so he wouldn’t mind it. Honestly if you did talk more..I think it’s to much for his jealous heart to handle.

• Free therapy, is what I’m reading from your description. Husk needs that, even better that you seem to offer venting services for free, on top of giving advice. I’m sure you’ll be able to lend an ear once or twice, right?

• Now this can’t be one sided, so Husk would obviously give you an ear as well. He’s terrible at comfort unless you figure handing you some alcohol, kisses and care as good. He’s just- not good with words in that regard.

• Holy hell are you adorable.

• No seriously, every time you start to ramble about your interests, Husk will gladly sit there just listening to you. Sometimes you can’t tell if he’s listening and admiring your face, or if he loves that sound of your voice and wants to hear you go on and on and on. Maybe both?

• It’s times like these where he tends to watch you sleep. Not out of fear you’ll be dangered, no. The hotel is property of Lucifer and his daughter and The Radio Demon lurks around here often. It’s safe to say you won’t be in much danger regarding that.

• However, he just wants to be as close to you as he possibly can get without noticing. Even if you’re in the most creepiest position or drooling, you always look once to him.

• Also, may I say how my cat rollers he had to use just to not get caught.

• Like I said, I don’t think he’s that dangerous. Creepy af stalking wise, but not nearly as harmful as others can get. Think of a clingy and jealous boyfriend. I don’t think Husk would kill though.

Your Platonic! Yandere! Creepypasta matchup is.. BEN Drowned !!

• BEN, in my opinion, isn’t as threatening as some people may think. Sure, he kills people, but only specific targets who dwell on his cartridge. He possesses Cleverbot sometimes if he really wants a kill, but other then that he’s just a walking ghost like Sally. His revenge is done so..not much he can do.

• Though this being a Yandere matchup, ignore that. He’s one violent mother fucker when he wants to be.

• BEN’s Yandere type is RAMS. He loves you for some reason, and that’s why he’s not here to kill you. Instead, you’re most likely what keeps him feeling alive. You two are alike..so seeing someone relate to him, and not belittle him for his interests is refreshing. He really can’t get enough. I’m sure he’s aware, but he’s not stupid either. He’ll just act like you two are friends, and when the time is right confess. If you reject him, I’m sure he’ll feel crushed. He might even kill you, and immediately regret it.

• Absolutely respects pronouns. Any misgendering caused by him will make him.. do unhealthy tribulations to himself. Any misgendering by anyone will get a pretty angry sounding warning, and next a beat down.

• He’s about the same height as you. Don’t feel bad. Short couple goals I’m telling you. He’ll tell you that too.

• Soooo squishy!!! He loves your thighs especially. Cuddles are mandatory and he won’t stop complimenting you unless you ask. He’s just that type of guy. You probably won’t feel any insecurities with just a week of dating BEN.

• When it’s more quiet with you, he enjoys it. Often he’ll be playing some games he got back from his old house and he’s just quiet. Focused on his game. He probably steals games from stores too tbh. He always has some game he hasn’t finished, so he knows how to occupy himself during quiet time.

• However, he’s sitting right next to you. He's always nervous something is wrong. While he’ll be quiet, he’s definitely going to be right there, attached to your hip.

• Intense interests? Ah, you speak his middle name. While BEN was still alive you can bet your ass LOZ was his religion. I mean- he played his games so much that’s what kind of led to his death. While he’d love to ramble about his interests, he’ll always have that fear in the back of his mind that you’ll find him annoying or hate him for it. If he ever feels that way he isolates himself from everyone.

• For you though, he loves to hear it! I’m sure he’ll have a reaction and opinion for all your interests.

• Watch him obsessively try to learn all of your interests by heart just to please you.

• Anyome who pisses you off immediately is declared dead or missing by the next morning. BEN plays it off as if he did nothing, but for being a killer he knows you’ll be skeptical. Believe him is best if you don’t want more people gone.

• Will definitely kidnap at some point if he feels you’re being to free willed.

• he’s frequently telling you how much you are worth - BEN is frequently telling you how much you mean to him, and how much the world needs and loves you for just you being you. He couldn’t care less about anyone else, and is started to even not talk to his good friend Jeff anymore. He needs that friend. That supported who’s similar to him to make him feel even less alone, ya know?

- coii

[stray-tori]

Making peace with TPN S02E04 (anime-only)

Post summary: my problems with the episode, possible explanations for why and how to minimize the problems. also some speculation.

The thoughts are mostly based on the anime in a bubble, aside from the segments where I mention otherwise.

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#0 - My mixed feelings about staying anime-only

This is strange, because... I’m not really hype for next week? I want more, but not in the same excited way I did before. Because I simply don’t know what to expect anymore.

I want to stick as an anime-only so I can deliver stand-alone thoughts as this... clunky and stumbling adaptation makes its way towards the finish line (obviously it won’t be done this season but, yeah ---- i mean, hopefully not, who knows what they’ll do at this point).

But another part of me is just... more excited to read the manga to see what it is like and what the differences are, after the anime is done (which was always my plan, but I was never really actively excited about it pff-). And I feel like your anime approach has failed when I’m moreso looking forward to reading the source material eventually. I do hope that with ep5 they’ll get back on track and this feeling will fade. That they have a meaningful plan and reason for why ep4 felt so messy and disjointed - a reason why it had to go this way, because I feel like they just wanted them out of the bunker, but this is not the way imo (more on that in the next segment)

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#1 - Leaving the bunker - mix of feeling “rushed” and “waste of time”

I feel like where the anime is going, they kind of wrote themselves into a corner in Episode 4. The story setup was leading them to this place (i.e. the bunker), but they obviously didn’t want them to stay there long.

What is the problem? / The way it was setup, we got about an episode of them being there (too few to have emotional attachment to the place) and then being chased out when things went well. In a way it is both too soon, but since nothing really worth the ~1 episode “fluff” happened there in the end, it feels pointless or as if we just wasted time, just for them to leave in the end.

Imo, the bunker is needed for two things, 1) being the first goal for them to go to, so the story isn’t aimless right away and 2) info dumps. Most of the children’s content can be repurposed during their forest time or doesn’t seem relevant right now.

For the record, I personally think that they got found out makes sense in-universe,

WM said he was found out, it’s not unlikely the farm knows that bunkers exist and might even have a vague idea of where they are

that there are multiple could be assumed by the army guy saying, “That’s how shelters usually are” -- If the world has been like this for 1000 years, what other purpose than human survival in a demon would could shelter even have? 

I don’t think the pursuers communicated it back (got lucky, Ray) because if they did, they wouldn’t show up a whole month later.

they could have just observed them, they’ve been on the surface quite a bit.

(though I also agree it should be confirmed how the farm found out)

I’m just questioning the impact it had on me as a viewer (which is little) - the world is rigged against them, they can’t catch a break in a system this powerful chasing them and I think part of the confusion and “wait we’re back at square 1??” (literally) is intentional, to evoke the feeling of something being lost. If possible, I would keep the spirit of this idea (see “it’s a trap” in the next segment)

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So what can we do to fix it?

Skipping the bunker / I don’t think we can remove the bunker outright. I suppose they could have had them just go straight for the new location by having the last keyword be another puzzle instead of the phone recording giving it away directly. But that might have too few things happening. That way they also would have gotten more time on their own to be wandering OR Mujika and Sonju might have been with them longer (which would honestly make sense from a meta point, too. I feel like they were a little short-lived.)

Less time in the bunker / if it feels pointless anyway, get it over with quickly

More time in the bunker / stay longer and have them do something else. Maybe they prepped to already go back to GF, time has passed and then they get raided. Problem: why did it take the farm force so long?

To be honest, I’m not sure that would have been much better so I’m personally more inclined to fix it with a very tightly connected problem, which will be the next segment:

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#3 - the HELP wall scare was pointless

What’s the problem? / the scare was used in between two segments of “the happy life in the bunker”(TM). The segments are the exact same feeling to me personally, just fluff. The scare changed NOTHING. Nothing that was revealed justifies it existing.

Pre wall scare: WM is an ally, the bunker is for escapees

Post wall scare: WM is an ally, he got discovered, the bunker is for escapees, there were escapees there before (?)

The wall doesn’t even have anything to do with WM. And we didn’t get enough details on the HELP wall, even on its own. Was the book and the “HELP”s from the same person? Why were they going crazy there? What did their siblings die from? It can’t be food, so it must have happened outside. Where they picked up by the Task Force(TM)?

The “don’t give up” is nice, but our crew didn’t need that pep talk I think - i guess with Minerva gone, they lost a hope for allies, but at the same time he gave them coordinates where to get support. If they didn’t get that and now were on their own, I’d get the whole uplifting book more, personally. I guess the tragedy here is that WM is dead? Maybe I’m not emphasizing with the characters enough on this.

. So what can we do to fix it?

Give more details to the wall / i.e. answering the questions posed above. Maybe show more of the diary. Maybe two were left and one killed themselves (they scribbled HELPs and were crazier) and left the other alone, and they decided they’re leaving for the human world. It doesn’t change that the scare doesn’t mean much, but it would at least be a little more personal.

Change the wall / remove the helps, leave the names and the counting. It would be a tragic reveal (instead of a over-dramatic scare) to see that people had died (around) here, making them scared for their own lives (I guess that’s kind of implied to be happening but since it doesn’t linger, I didn’t really notice.)

It’s a trap/they definitely know of the bunker / it’s not “help” but “run” which was a warning someone put there because they figured out the farms knew of the bunker (or they got attacked and one couldn’t leave). It being a trap would make sense because even as it’s now, I’m just assuming they vaguely know of the bunkers’ existence anyway. Then it wouldn’t be “yay bunker life! - scare - yay bunker life! - BOOM” but instead “yay bunker life! - it’s a trap... what do we do?” - you can still have the info dumps & the phone call and then they either realize it’s a trap and just leave (removing the problem of the....... interesting raid scenes), and BOOM (haha) you’re where the anime is now, since the troup got nom’ed anyway and aren’t a threat anymore. The mission would still fail since they’re gone, so Isabella’s plot is in tact too. I think this would also partly solve the bunker problem, because now something actually changed about the setup we know. It’s NOT the safe bunker anymore. It changes a lot about the world too - the farm knows of them so how much more of the WM support net is affected? It makes you think more about the larger scale implications (and ligns up nicely with the “I was discovered” talk from James, therefore making the wall shown at the same time relevant), + the bunker has another reason to be there, to reveal that. Personally, it would change our perception and understanding of the situation, which imo would make up for the lacking investment in the bunker itself. It would also prompt them to leave faster (likely), thus eliminating the “we spent so much time here for nothing” thing. If you really want to you can even have them stay anyway, since it’s the only thing they have and they opt to just leave on the first sign of someone actually being on their back. This requires a better night watch than Don though :D

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#4 - The little things

Missed drama - the episode was pretty casual about a lot of things; testing potentially dangerous food (fair because it was a nice segment), their new home being gone (fair because no attachment) and them seeing humans being eaten right in front of them (WHY WASN’T THIS MILKED). It makes it all seem like it’s not a big deal - which I guess in a survival story, it kind of isn’t. But I still feel like there wasn’t really any impactful moment this episode it just kinda went “brrr” and now we’re back to episode 1.

for real, please milk the wild demon eating people / he just kinda goes "nom" and the children are there and run. It feels like the anime itself barely takes it seriously - it's the first time (I think), they see a human get eaten by a demon and I feel like that could have used like a close up shot, and some more disgusted reactions by the children. I get that it's a world where that just happens but I feel like the anime just didn't take or see the change to do something more personal with it. I like it as an element at its core because it makes sense; they shot around, attracting the demon and I also like the irony of being saved by a wild creature. Even if that now chases you.

incompetent soldiers - why do they have guns? they can’t HARM / KILL the quality food, so WHY GUNS? -- People with guns are usually incompetent in anything because they just can’t hit anything, but that at least makes sense here. Still, what was the plan? Sheer intimidation? They’re the farms’ force right? Why don’t they know how to deal with wild demons? Possible answer: to prevent humans with guns knowing how to eliminate their higher ups :D doesn’t change that it makes them look stupid. Bro really got defeated by getting a cup thrown in his face. To be fair this specific one didn’t seem to be the brightest bulb, why the “huh?” when he found Don??? Is this relevant I’M SO CONFUSED.

where’s the character moments? - when they got to the bunker, everyone else kind of got the focus, and the main cast just didn't have any of those character moments anymore that made the previous episodes, especially episode 2, so touching and emotional for me. Don't get me wrong, I love the kind of fluff content with the children a lot but I kind of missed some.... it feels like it's more event driven (#BOOM) than character driven now, and idk how to really attach to that? Especially since with ep4 we didn't even really learn anything new (aside from a name and that he was indeed good and is now dead I guess).

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#5 - Why?

Warning: this goes a bit into comparisons (nothing concrete though), and I obviously don’t know more than I picked up from fandom reactions.

My guess is that

“So... I cannot at this point say that we are going to animate the entire story to the very end. We are not at a point where we can say that. Sorry. (Laughs)”

from the MAL interview might be a factor. It seems they wanted to tell their own spin regardless (which I personally respect) but maybe they thought that unless they had a two-cour, it would be hard to keep up the investment the first season set up with what was originally in the manga (I had heard that it would be a weird pacing to do 11 episodes and maybe they wanted to make sure viewer engagement was high).

> “We know that there are viewers who, after they watch the anime, want to continue on and read the manga, and there are viewers who have read the manga first and are now watching the anime.”

(I’m not sure if “after the anime” means after a season or after the the whole adaptation)

Their goal is definitely an “unique” experience. And they seem to at least be aware that some people watch the anime first, so it has to make sense in a bubble.

I can’t say if I would have preferred a slower start into whatever the manga has that caps off at 11 episodes (idk how much rewarding stuff could have fit in there), since they probably fear of not being able to do a complete adaptation too. And I feel like as I’m getting it, they are trying to quickly reintroduce what people cared about in s1 --- in Isabella’s case, maybe a bit too early. there was barely any time to really miss her imo.

But I’m also not sure if whatever they’re aiming for will be rewarding. I hope so, because I don’t want their efforts to go to waste. And I don’t want to come to dislike it.

I can admit faults, ep4 is definitely a lowpoint even without knowing the alternatives. Just that for me, it is annoying little things and not the shocking deviations from the manga.

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#6 - Hope

I have hope though because Isabella’s stuff was good, and now that they’re over the no-return divergence point, they might be able to... (meta spoiler) not repurpose manga scenes without any buildup (is what I’m getting) anymore :”D, because they really only set themselves up for disappointed with that. It might seem like a homage but it’s moreso out of place, the people who read it aren’t happy because you didn’t earn it (and of course they’ll compare) and the anime suffers from it because it can create unnecessary confusion forced in just to make a reference.

Ironically I think they’re too stuck in the manga too and could have benefited from a blind perspective.

I don’t really mind anything overall I think (world is against them, that’s fair, being out on the run again is fine, the demon “rescue” is fine), the execution / some details of episode 4 were just... strange. idk where they are going with it and maybe that really was the best way to transition but until I know where it goes, I can’t really judge that. Highly doubt it though.

I really hope they completely just do their own things now with some base elements from the manga.

.

A lot of what I talked about in this post ended up making me appreciate the crumbs of intention. The realization that previous escapees didn’t make it (not all of them, anyway) and WM being dead, and then having that uplifting message. The message of “you don’t get to rest, you’re on your own again”. The irony of the wild demon being their (temporary) rescue. The past escapees.

Ironically, I wanted to dunk on the anime but really, all I feel is more content now. Would I have preferred some fixes? Yes, but I see some semblance of meaning in it even with the errors.

Thanks for reading this goddamn essay.

[imanativeofswlondondahling]

Being A Stark (5)- Peter Parker x Stark!femReader

Word Count: 2153

Warning: None I think

Author’s Note: I had a completely shitty T1D day yesterday and wasn’t able to get this up. However, here it is and hopefully you enjoy!

Becoming A Stark Chapter One | Being A Stark Chapter One | Master List

When Happy pulls up in front of MSST, your heart is pounding in your chest. Everyone else stepped back into the world over a week ago and you’re facing it alone. “You going to be alright kid?” Happy asks, looking at you through the rearview mirror.

“Yeah. Fine.” You mutter before grabbing your backpack and lunch. It felt like deja vu, apart from the fact that you weren’t about to panic when you started ninth grade the last time.

“If you don’t feel ready, say the word and we can head back to the cabin.”

“I’m not a chicken. I can do this.” 

“Never said you were.” Happy smiles at you. Part of you wishes that your mom or dad had come with you, but your dad is still healing and Pepper had to take Morgan to her school near where you live now, so it meant that Happy was your ride. “You’ve got this kid. But if at any point, it gets to be too much, I’m a call away. I’ll just be at SI.” You nod, before opening the car door. From across the street you can hear the paparazzi calling your name, trying to get a look at Tony’s daughter that disappeared. But you’re distracted the moment you hear a familiar voice.

“Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?” You look up to see Peter’s hand reaching for yours as you climb out of the car. You can’t help but smile finally seeing him again. Was it your fault you hadn’t seen him since after the battle? Yes. But now he’s here and that’s the only thing you can think about. 

“Hey Parker.” You say, wanting it to feel like old times to try and calm yourself. “Since when are you fine with the paps just seeing you waiting?” When the paparazzi were here, Peter usually walked next to you until you were inside the building.

“Lost each other for five years. I think that deserves not caring about the paparazzi any more.” He shrugs as you two walk towards the front doors of the school, your hand wrapped in his. “You ready?” He asks as he opens the door for you.

“No, but let's do this.” You answer honestly as you walk inside. You expect everything to look different, but it looks… normal. There are posters hanging on the wall about clubs and events. There’s a banner hanging reminding people about homecoming coming up in a few weeks. It was like nothing had changed. Peter’s arm moves to wrap around your shoulder, pulling you into him.

“So ninth grade all over again?” He teases.

“Going to fail chemistry this time. I feel it in my bones.” You say already dreading your third period.

“Won’t let it happen babe. Between your dad and I, we’ll make sure you pass.” Peter smiles as he walks with you towards the lockers. You had already sent him pictures of your new schedule and your locker number last week when everyone who Blipped got their’s. You have three classes with Betty, unsurprising since they’re trying to fit all the Blippers into similar classes. Your English class is only Blipped students according to Betty, because there wasn’t enough space without creating a new class. “Come on, let’s go dump your stuff in your locker.” He stops the two of you in front of your locker. You spin your locker combination and open the door, expecting to find an empty locker, but instead there’s a cup of coffee waiting for you.

“What is this?” You pick it up to find that it’s still warm.

“Thought you might need something to make your day a little better.” Peter shrugs, the tips of his ears going a bit pink. “I went to your favorite shop and got your usual.” You look at the cup in your hand and then back at him. “Almond milk latte, sugar free hazelnut syrup, two Equal.” He recites. Next thing you know, your lips are pressed to his, not knowing how to say what you want to to him. 

“I love you.” You mumble against his lips.

“All I had to do was bring you coffee?” Peter asks as he pulls back slightly, still keeping you in his arms. You had said it to him during your call in the middle of the battle, but hadn’t mentioned it again since then. Peter was sure you had been putting space the past week between the two of you. So hearing it again was music.

“All you had to do was be you.” You shrug, taking a sip of the coffee.

“I love you too.” He adds, realizing he hadn’t said it back. “I should have said it when you did, but I do-” You smirk before cutting him off with your lips. You love his rambling, but right now, you’d rather just kiss him.

“There’s probably an empty classroom if you two want some privacy.” Betty teases from behind you. Peter starts to pull back, but you lean forward to place one more kiss on his lips.

“Make fun all you want Betty, but I just happen to have the best boyfriend.” Your hand pulls Peter’s into your hold as you turn to face your friend who already has her books. 

“You two are in love, the world gets it. However if we’re late to English, Mr. Briggs will not have it.” You place your lunch and your backpack in your locker, before taking the binders and books you need for your first few classes. Peter holds your coffee as you rummage through your bag grabbing what you need. You throw a bag of extra pump supplies into your locker and take some low snacks to throw in your pencil bag. As you do this, Betty peppers you with questions about what school work you reused and what you actually redid to get ready to come back to school. After you slam your locker shut, you turn back to Peter and take your coffee back. 

“Thanks.” You smile, saying both for holding it and for getting it.

“Anytime.” Moving the cup so it sits in your hand that holds your binders, books, and your laptop, you reach with your other hand for Peter’s hand. You and Betty will literally need to pass Peter’s locker to get to your class so you have more time with him. This moment of talking with one of your best friends while walking down the hallway with your boyfriend, it almost makes it feel like the Blip never happened. Peter walks you all the way to your English class.

“You’re going to be late if you don’t get going.” You say, not letting go of his hand. 

“So I get detention. It’s not the worst thing that could happen.” Peter shrugs.

“Until you want to do stuff after school and you can’t because of detention. Go. I’ll see you at lunch.” You kiss his cheek, but as you start to pull away, he turns your face ever so slightly to kiss your lips. “Go.” You laugh as you push him away. Walking into class you take the empty seat behind in front of Betty. 

“You too are too cute, you know that right.”

“Yeah, I lucked out.” You say as you set the stuff in your arms down, while your phone buzzes in your pocket. Glancing at the screen you can’t help but roll your eyes. Peter just left you, why is he already texting you?

PP: You know, I could get used to the taste of coffee if it’s always from kissing you.

Y: You’re ridiculous you know that.

PP: You love it.

Y: That I do.

“Miss Stark, I understand it’s your first day back, however the bell has rung, so phones away.” Mr. Briggs' voice comes from the front of the classroom. 

“Sorry!” You put your phone into your pocket. Betty taps your shoulder and whispers six words to you.

“Peter’s already getting you in trouble.”

“Shut up.” You mumble.

“Now let’s get into our discussion on A Brave New World. We only have today and tomorrow to finish with it, so let's jump right in.” You pull out a notebook and a pen to make notes on your favorite class. Having it first thing in the morning will make taking ninth grade all over again more fun. 

The morning passes with a relative ease. You had to talk to each of your teachers about your diabetes, which is nothing new with a new school year, but seeing as half of them had you before the Blip, there wasn’t as much info dumping for them. By the time you got to lunch though, you’re ready to just curl into Peter’s arms, and honestly, you could go for a nap. You swing by your locker to switch out your books as well as grab your lunch. 

“How’d the first half go?” Peter’s voice is next to you and you’re almost surprised to hear him, until you remember that his Mechanical Energies class is right across from your locker.

“It went fine. Calc 1 is awful already since I missed a few weeks of catch up. But English and German were good.”

“And Chemistry?” He asks, noting the class you skipped talking about.

“Kill me already.” You say as you slam your locker shut and take his hand.

“And have Tony Stark after me? I don’t think so.”

“He wouldn’t hurt you.”

“If I hurt you, he’ll make an exception.” Peter looks at you, seeing you don’t believe him. “Baby, your dad made time travel to bring you back. He would do anything to keep you safe. I’m not risking it.” Peter explains as you walk to the table your friends sit at. “Guys, tell Y/N I’m right. Her dad would definitely kill me if I killed her because Chemistry isn’t her subject.”

“Your dad would probably use the excuse of Peter accidentally tripping you as enough of a reason.” Betty says as she pulls the contents of her lunch out. 

“See, point made.” Peter says as he places his own sack lunch on the table. “Therefore, you’ll just have to make it through Chemistry with some help. I hear you and I have pretty good chemistry anyway.” His eyebrows move up and down at you.

“You’re ridiculous. I already said that once today.” You work on pulling your lunch out.

“And you also said you love me because of it.”

“Because of it or in spite of it?” You tease, adding up the numbers written across your lunch so you can put it in Queenie.

“Both.” Peter says before kissing your cheek.

“Some of us are trying to eat here. Don’t be gross.” MJ teases.

“Honestly, it’s all Peter’s fault.” You shrug as you type the numbers into Queenie to get your bolus started. 

“Fine, I’ll keep that in mind the next time you want a kiss.” Peter teases, making a face like he wouldn’t give you anything you asked for.

“Play for both teams and you always win.” You wink at him as his face falls. “I have other options.”

“What?” Peter’s voice goes up an octave.

Betty rolls her eyes. “Like she actually would.” You know Betty’s right, but you shrug and smirk at Peter.

“Fine, fine, I’ll be the gross one, but I’m not sharing you.” He says wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you into him. “Only one person should be kissing those lips.” 

“Yeah? You’re right. Only kissing Spider-Man from here on out.” MJ, Ned, and Betty laugh as you kiss Peter’s cheek. 

“If that’s how you feel, maybe I need to go have a talk with Spider-Man and see what his intentions are.” Peter says, not letting go of the arm around your waist.

“Probably nothing good.” You smirk as you raise an apple slice to your lips.

“That sounds about right.” Peter says trying to peel his orange with one hand and failing, but not willing to let go of you. You take the fruit from his hand and peel it apart easily before handing it back to him.

“You can use your other hand, you know?”

“I could, but it’s fairly happy where it is.” His thumb moves up and down along your side. You roll your eyes at him as your friends fall back into talking about things that have happened in the past week. Mentions of new memes and stories that happened fill the space as you listen. Your head falls to Peter’s shoulder as you keep eating. The blue sweater he’s wearing is soft against your cheek, but more importantly being where you are, your nose is filled with the smell of Peter. Mainly a citrus note entwined with something earthy. And it calms you immensely. Your dad was right about leaning on him instead of pushing him away. It’s making today easier.

Permanent tag list: @wormonastringonastick

...A Stark Tag list: @persephonehemingway  @iamaunicorn4704  @furiouspockettoad  @daughter-of-stark  @eternalharry  @huntective-kyeo @riiis-stuff @sunnyoongles @cosmicqueenieb @sovereignparker @bbarnestan @teenwishes08 @iamthescarlettwitch @skyfallstilinski @cutie1365 @a-mnd @youarethereasonimsmiling @thefemalestorywriter @krazykendraisnotinsane @cathy8taffy @letssee2468 @babyreads @riyanna @theatregeek @bubblebunbun @curls-freckles-books

strike won’t let me tag

[voiceless-terror]

Can you do 11 truth or dare confessions for jonmartin please?

Hey there, anon! Here you go. Another one of my prompts that quickly got away from me. This isn’t so much confessions as it is hijinks, and I saw ‘drunk confessions’ right below it and it turned into this.  Hope you enjoy!

Jon chooses truth. Martin chooses dare. The team goes out after work and discoveries are made.

“I love everyone in this bar!” Tim shouted to a loud cheer. It was a Wednesday night.

Wednesday.

Sasha had no idea how Tim had managed to get all of them, including one Jonathan Sims, out on the town. Something about a spider and a book and several cups of tea. Sasha hadn’t been listening.

And here they were, at Tim’s favorite Friday night haunt, downing shots and eating greasy food even though they had to report back to the institute at nine in the morning tomorrow. For Jon it was most likely closer to seven.

Jon, however, seemed completely unaware of this.

They were sitting at the bar for easy drink access. Ergo, Jon had gotten his drink refilled several times without any of them noticing. And this wasn’t including the rounds the rest of them had already bought. He must have some stress to work through, Sasha mused. He was currently hanging half-off the bar stool, staring dreamily at the lights on the dance floor as if entranced. It’d be cute if he wasn’t almost cross-eyed.

Martin definitely found it cute. He wasn’t as drunk as his boss, no, but he was well on his way. He’d done nothing but stare at him all night, nodding eagerly at his many info-dumps and pushing several plates of fried food at him that Jon refused to eat. Sasha and Tim both knew he had it bad, but this was too much to watch. 

Sasha would have to intervene and put the plan in motion. It was the perfect time- Martin wasn’t nervous or stuttering, and Jon was mellowed out on liquor, swaying gently to the music pounding through the speakers. It was now or never. She slammed her hand down on the counter, startling her companions.

“I propose a little game of truth or dare!” She gave Tim a sly smirk and his look of surprise soon changed to a mischievous smirk.

“Oh ho ho, Sasha. What a great idea.”

“We’re at a bar,” Martin argued, taking a slurp of his drink. “How is that even going to work?”

“Oh I’ll make it work, Martin,” Tim replied rather threateningly. “We’re doing this to help you. Boss, you in?”

Jon’s gaze slid over to them, clearly disinterested in their current conversation. “Hnn?” he questioned intelligently.

“Shots, boss! You in?” Tim gestured and the shots materialized as if by magic. Jon threw one back without so much as a flinch. It was a wonder to behold. Martin looked as if he were drooling. He probably was.

“Tim!” Sasha shouted, back to the matter at hand. “Truth or dare?” 

“Let’s start off easy,” he rubbed his hands together in glee. “Truth.”

“Boo,” she jeered, teasing. “Riddle me this: who is your most shameful lay from our esteemed institute?” Martin began sputtering, and Jon looked to be tuning them out.

Tim tilted his head in consideration, suddenly very serious. “Well, it depends on your criteria. Are we talking in terms of looks? Personality? General grossness?”

“Hm, let me rephrase,” Sasha didn’t want to be too mean, though she was excited to get any gossip she could. “Who is the unlikeliest one? Someone we wouldn’t guess at all.”

“Oh,” Tim leered, clearly ready to divulge something juicy. “You want me to go through the ol’ rolodex, find the needle in the sex stack.”

“Disgusting,” Jon slurred, shoving a fry in his mouth. Martin nodded in agreement, though he was hanging on every word.

“Y’know Hannah?”

Sasha searched her memory. “From Artefact Storage?”

Martin shook his head. “No, from the library.”

“You’re both wrong,” Tim raised his eyebrows suggestively. “From research.”

Martin and Sasha froze. Even Jon joined in, swiveling his head to face Tim with a look of shock. “Egg-salad Hannah?”

“The one and only,” Tim answered as the rest of the table broke out into exaggerated gagging and looks of disgust.

“Seriously, Tim? Did she brush her teeth, at least?” Martin took another swig of his drink, still in disbelief.

“Did she offer you half her sandwich when you were done?” Sasha and Martin broke out into giggles. Tim was silent.

“Oh you didn’t-”

“Fuck you, it was actually good-”

“This is why you shouldn’t have sex,” Jon nodded sagely. “It always ends in egg salad.”

“Precisely!” Martin slammed his hand down on the counter in agreement. “Wait, what?”

“Moving on!” Tim made a sweeping gesture with his hand, ending it with a point at Jon. “Boss-man! Truth or dare?”

Jon squinted his eyes. Sasha did not know if this was in concentration or confusion.

“Boss?”

“I don’t want to participate,” He took a demure sip of his whiskey and coke. “Truth.”

“Alright, alright! What is…” Tim tapped his chin thoughtfully, considering his options. “Hmm. What is something we’d be shocked to know about you? Like proper shocked, mate. What’s your weirdest secret?” He leaned in close, a patented Tim Stoker Seduction Move, complete with half-lidded eyes and a smirk. Martin shoved him off the bar in a surprising move of aggression and Sasha barked out a laugh.

“You don’t have to answer that, Jon-” Martin began to assure him.

“Yes he does!” Tim argued, leaning back in his seat and rubbing at the elbow Martin had shoved. “That’s the point of the game.”

“We shouldn’t force him to answer-”

Sasha tried to interrupt. “No one’s forcing-”

“Not yet-”

“Here,” Jon shoved his phone into Tim’s hands; it was loaded to a YouTube video of a grainy performance of some band.

“What is this?” Sasha leaned in to look along with Martin, squinting at the screen. “Is this some concert you went to?”

“You could say that,” Jon replied, oddly coy.

“Is this like steampunk?” Martin questioned, leaning in even further. “They’re all dressed-”

“Wack as hell,” Tim finished, though he was smiling. “I dunno, I kinda like them. Lead singer’s hot.”  Jon let out a drunken giggle, and this is when the video zoomed in, losing focus for just a moment before-

“Jon is that you?” 

“Don’t be daft, Martin, that’s- holy fuck that's Jonathan Sims.”

“It’s me!” Jon drunkenly whispered, almost sliding off of his seat. Sasha stared at the figure on the screen. It was Jon. Hair down, younger, and covered in makeup, but she’d recognize that voice anywhere. She looked back to her boss, glasses askew and sweater vest wrinkled. What the fuck happened to you?

He was surely going to regret this night come tomorrow.

Tim couldn’t take his eyes off the screen, currently holding it a few centimeters from his face. Martin had an intense look at odds with his loose inebriation. He turned to her, strangely serious.

“Dare.” he said, no room in his voice for argument.

“It’s- it’s not your turn, Martin,” she stuttered. “It would be Jon’s, technically-”

“I. Pick. Dare.”

Well, alright. Now or never. Jon’s revelation had forced her hand.

“I dare you…” Sasha looked over to find both Martin and Jon staring at each other, their gazes oddly charged. Martin looked like a man on a mission, while Jon seemed to be openly challenging him, eyebrows raised. Am I missing something?

“...to kiss the most attractive person in this bar!” The words had not been spoken for more than two seconds before Martin had taken Jon in his arms in a sweeping kiss, like something out of a fairytale. If fairytales involved Archivists and their assistants and took place in dingy bars on Wednesday nights. Jon’s arms immediately wrapped around Martin’s neck, dragging him deeper into the kiss.

“Finally!” Tim whooped. He’d stopped watching the video in order to document the event, phone set to record. Jon’s leg had somehow wound itself around Martin’s waist and Sasha was beginning to feel like an intruder in this very public bar. She turned to Tim.

“Wait, finally?” Sasha asked, confused. She hadn’t planned for it to go this far, or for Jon to even reciprocate. She thought she’d help Martin get a kiss on the cheek or something equally as innocent, not whatever...this was. “What do you know that I don’t?”

��Wow Sash, I thought you were the observant one,” he stopped recording, slipping his phone back into his pocket. God, when are they going to come up for air? “They’ve been playing footsie all night. It was disgustingly cute.”

“I-Jon likes him back?” she stared at the two, who had stopped kissing but were still entangled, Jon whispering something in Martin’s ear that he giggled at. “When the fuck did this happen?”

“This afternoon, I think,” Tim took a sip of his drink and threw an arm around her shoulders. “Well, I don’t know how long Jon’s had feelings. But God, you should’ve seen them today. Jon screaming about this spider and Martin just fucking smashes it with a book, decimated it-”

“But Martin loves spiders!”

“I know! But not as much as he loves Jon, apparently. Took one look at his scared little face and just destroyed the thing. I thought Jon was going to propose right then and there. Completely love-struck.”

Sasha pouted. “You know how much I hate being left out! You should’ve told me, we could’ve changed up the plan-”

Tim shook his head. “And miss out on Jon’s secret past? Perish the thought!”

“Huh,” Sasha tilted her head. “I almost forgot about that. What with all the kissing and such.” Martin and Jon were still lost in their own little world. Hopefully they’d remember it come morning, but if not-well, there’s always Tim’s video. She leaned into his side, yawning.

Tim gave her a sly smile. “Say, how’s about me and you-”

Sasha laughed, shoving his arm away. “Don’t think I’ve forgotten about egg-salad Hannah-”

“That was one fucking time!”

[bitxhmoonrising]

My ACOTAR Review (sorry if it's not what you expected)

TW for SA AND ABUSE - because for some reason that wasn't something the author felt like they needed to warn people about???

I decided to go ahead and finally read this book. After years of seeing it online, and the mixed reviews, I'm finally going to pick it up and give it a try. (Its just going to be in a point form list)

1. The first four chapters are weird, I have a hard time believing Feyre cannot read when they lost all of the money at 14, she should be able to read. She came from a very rich family, one in which the mother wished to marry off her daughters, and even if she did not like Feyre, education would be an important factor in marrying her off, it means they are wealthy. It's very hard to believe this fact, but I can look past it.

2. The relationship between the sisters is hilarious, it honestly reminds me of my own with my 4 other sisters. We used to call each other smelly and ugly, and said the rudest shit and I liked for once that I saw this in a book. Though, I think the author wanted them to be 'evil', but it just came off as more realistic then anything. And funny, honestly.

2.5 the father is an abusive POS. Clearly these 3 girls have been emotionally abused by both their parents to some extent.

3. I find myself rolling my eyes at her narration, she is very whiny. Hopefully that changes as her character develops or I'm not sure I can stand 5 books of this.

4. Do you expect me to believe, that Feyre would choose Tamlin, WHEN LUCIEN IS RIGHT THERE?!?!?! their relationship is so boring, to the point that I believe they wont end up together because the author was so lazy with it.

5. Tamlin sending Feyre away was probably the best thing he could do for her. I'm actually surprised the man could admit to her that he could not protect her instead of pretending, though Lucien's reaction makes me think there is something bigger about Tamlin's love confession. . (Ok, coming from finishing the book, the reasoning wasn't that climatic). Also, Rhysand can fuck the fuck off, slimy bitch.

6. Ok, Feyre and Nesta 🥺🥺 they are so cute. Though it seems Nesta character has gone through a bit of a change since the first four chapters. Nesta admitting she wasn't capable of taking care of the family like Feyre did such a big thing for her (but like, I'm also on the train that oldest siblings are not parents, because that's toxic thinking imo, and they are close enough in age for it to not bother me, idk.)  Feyre teaching Nesta to paint is so wholesome, it has my heart exploding.

7. Something happened with Tomas and Nesta, it was bad. I just know it. BUT NESTA GOING INTO THE WOODS FOR FEYRE HAS ME WANTING TO FAINT!! THE LOVE SHE HAS FOR HER.

8. I hope we get to see Nesta and Feyre together again at some point, I love their weird relationship. Me and my second youngest sister, who reminds me of Nesta, have a very similar dynamic and I see us in them. There love is one declared through action, not words. It's unspoken.

9. 100 pages of info dump and we are at he mountain.

10. NOT CLARE BEDDOR!! Also, why did Rhys even give the name??? Either the guy is truly evil, or a moron. Thankfully, Tamlin has some sense about him to keep his mouth shut and not let on how much she means to him because this Rice boy would happily fuck them over. I feel like the author is trying to make me like him, but I don't.

11. The answer is love (I'll delete this if I'm wrong).

12. WHY WAS THERE NO TW FOR SEXUAL ASSAULT IN THIS BOOK?!?!?! I DID NOT WANT TO READ THIS!!!! Rhysand can die and I hope he does. The entire drugging and assult scenes were disgusting and hard to read AND THIS IS A YA BOOK!!??!

13. Tamlin has a stone heart????

14. Wtf was this book?

My review

Feyre is ok, nothing I haven't read before. Think she should run away from all these men (including their abusive father) with her sissy's, but she wont. How she cannot see any red flags is beyond me.

Tamlin, meh.

Rhys, gross. Nothing he does makes sense.

Lucien, to good for this world. Must protect at all costs.

Rating: 3/5 because I wasn't horrible. Will still read second book.

[teacup-crow]

The Diplomats, Part One

Part 3 of my Carena-in-the-future series is out now! This is the first of two chapters because it got too long. Check out the rest of the series here: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2019146

Carena is sent on a mission with sworn Fort Canton enemy, Joe. ZRS4 spoilers, very minor S5-6 spoilers. CW childhood trauma, explosions

“Wye aye! It’s “Just Caz”! Or should I say, Princess Carena Skeet herself?”

Joe Garron, Fort Canton’s Runner Thirty-Seven, was clearly equipped for a long expedition. There was no mistaking his stupid freckled face or grating accent, and she’d unashamedly attempted to kick those big gerbil-like teeth in before in a scrum that had got so bad Janine had banned inter-settlement rugby for the foreseeable future. Ever since their first meeting, there had been a mutual distrust, and they’d spent every training exercise since trying to one-up each other, usually egged on by his crowd of leering mates.

“Oh, fuck no,” Caz said, and turned on her heel. “This was not the deal.”

“This was absolutely the deal,” Dr Myers reminded her over comms. “You and a Fort Canton representative are going together to the conference and doing some reconnaissance on the way.”

She remembered the conversation, of course she did. Her foster father was in work boots and a duffle coat, mismatched with the nice tablecloth they’d got out for the King, hands held out to her, saying:

“I could have asked any of my kids. I’m askin’ you because you’re just like me, Caz.”

Years ago that might have pacified her, but now she was adamant. “You can’t expect me to go away for a whole month with people I don’t even know! I’ve got a life here!”

“Thought you always wanted to ‘get out of this dump’.”

“Yeah, well. I’m not a kid anymore. And it’s… it’s… Abel’s not so bad.”

She’d stood up to refill her mug of tea from the pot. He suddenly seemed quite small and old to her, although he couldn’t be more than forty. When had that happened?

“I can’t make you -” he’d broken off. “Well, technically I probably can make you, but I won’t do that. I’ll be honest, I don’t see how it’s any of your business, but it’s about the symbolism of the whole thing apparently. Princess and that. And you’ll get to see the country, make somethin’ of yourself.”

“If the job’s about talkin’ to people, you could send Naveen, or Lilly, or even Jade-”

“They’re not Runners. You’re the one with trainin’, and the most likely person that Fort Canton would approve being out with in the field. And again, it’s more about the… other mission, than the conference.”

“So you don’t want me to go because I’m most like you, then?”

“Caz,” Jamie had sounded tired. “I’ll say again: you don’t have to do this. I can ask Naveen, and Janine will send a Runner with him. But Christ, it would make our lives easier, and I think you’ll regret it if you don’t.”

In the present, Joe winked at her.

“I’m not going with him!” She hissed into the mic. “He’s a knob !”

“Joe is the Runner Fort Canton has chosen, and they clearly trust him, just like we trust you. There’s a huge amount of responsibility on your shoulders now, Carena. The King and Abel need you. Are you going to let us down?”

Carena growled, and stomped towards him. “If you can’t manage to call me Caz, Runner Ten will do.”

“Yes, yes, whatever you say, your royal highness,” he bowed. Carena’s first act of diplomacy was not punching him right then and there. “Should we get going? It’s only 10K to the first rest point.”

She immediately began to run, not checking to see if he was keeping in step. To her irritation, he saw that coming.

***

The diplomats were tasked with visiting several key settlements on the route to the conference in London, “meeting with young community representatives to work out their priorities in rebuilding Britain, yadda yadda yadda, blah blah blah”. Carena had accidentally zoned out during most of Janine’s brief.

Their other mission was to gather information on a new, particularly nasty fringe group who’d been undermining the uneasy truces Abel and Canton had formed, dragging up muck from years gone and causing chaos all over southern England. Most reports said the group members were young - younger than Carena, too young to even remember a life before zoms. “Oh, you’ve never heard of Lord of the Flies, have you? Well, imagine if Peter Pan and the Lost Boys were, ah, cannibalistic”, Janine had put it. Carena was definitely listening at that point.

On the upside, the mission was a chance to really see the country. On the downside, this involved a lot of walking. And talking, at least on Joe’s behalf. He never seemed to stop, telling her meandering stories about his fiance Emily and long pieces of Fort Canton gossip Carena couldn’t care less about, even as they wandered through the woods they’d been warned about the most.

“Keep it down, will you? And keep an eye out for traps. God knows what they’ve got.”

“I know what I’m doing! Unlike you lot, we actually train our Runners properly.”

Carena couldn’t help but laugh at that, incredulous. “Abel are the heroes of the apocalypse, your lot are just two-bit second-rate cowards.”

“Oooooh, feisty! But you’re not so heroic now, are you? The whole town bowing to everything your dad and his government says?”

The goading alongside the days of nonstop talking was too much, and Carena snapped, a particularly nasty snippet of hearsay coming to the forefront of her mind. It was rolling out of her mouth even as Dr Cohen scolded her for it in her head. Gossip is a sin for a reason.

“Well, what about your mum? Think you’re so much better than me and my dad, but where’s she?”

“Ten, I’d shut it if I were you.” All the laughter dropped from Joe’s face now, replaced with a seriousness she’d never seen from him before.

“Because I’ve heard all sorts of stuff about her. Fort Canton people all have big mouths. I heard she’s crazy . Lives with Kytan in the madhouse, don’t she?”

“Don’t you fucking talk about me mam!” Joe raised his fists and stepped towards her to the click of an IED.

The two of them paused for just a moment, the boy’s face paling before he screamed: “RUN!”

She didn’t need to be told twice. She sprinted, and he dived after her for a few seconds before the explosion threw them to the ground, ears ringing, shrapnel splintering through the air towards them.

***

Carena woke up. Her head sang out. Everything was fuzzy, slightly unreal, drifting in and out of reality. There was a heavy blanket on top of her. Oh. She must have the flu again, Dr Cohen piling on the duvets. Hopefully, someone would bring her a glass of water soon, because her mouth tasted dusty, bloody. Bloody?

She’d bit her tongue. Her headset whistled static - the explosion must have knocked the frequency. Explosion?

Suddenly, she was thrown into the present. Not a blanket on top of her, but big Joe bloody Garron. Joe bloody… lifesaving Garron. Joe, her only shield from the piercing rain of nuts and bolts and screws.

“Thirty-Seven? Thirty-Seven! Joe!”

To her relief, he groaned, and rolled to one side. She crawled out from underneath him.

His backpack had protected his head and neck somewhat, but his legs where he’d rolled up his walking trousers were peppered with wounds and shards of scrap metal. He whimpered as he breathed, conscious despite his best wishes.

“Joe, we have to move. If they can set one trap like that, this whole thing is a trap. We’re both in our uniforms. If they hate Abel and Fort Canton, who knows what they’ll do with us!”

“I know,” he hissed. “I just, I dunno how far I can get.” He began to unbuckle his rucksack. “Take my bag. At least they won’t get any supplies out of it.”

“I’m not leaving you!”

“You can’t.... you can’t carry me, I’m two stone heavier than you… and the mission - we need info on these little bastards…”

“ Fuck the mission, Runner Thirty-Seven! They’re cannibals! Get up. Now .”

“Got my gun. I’ll take a few of them out.”

“Come on, please!”

His tone and resolve barely wavered as the voices of approaching people began to echo through the woods. “Was an honour to serve with you.”

Carena grabbed his bag and held her hand out to pull him up. The voices were growing more distinct, and chilling. They were very childish, but the words were not.

“What are you gonna do with ‘em, boss?”

“Going to cut them into little pieces, see ‘ow they work.”

“Gonna cook ‘em!”

“Gonna do it slow, find out if they know anythin’ interesting, first.”

“Look, if you won’t get up for me, get up for Emily. She don’t deserve to lose you.”

Whether it’s this, or the savagery of the talk of the approaching kids, it was hard to know for sure, but Joe nodded, and through gritted teeth, got to his feet with a cry.

“Hold my hand. Don’t let go. Just put one foot in front of another. You can die when I’ve got us to safety.”

***

The campfire crackled and spat. Joe poked at it absently, the only evidence of Carena dabbing antiseptic on the last of his cuts the slight tightening of his jaw. Dr Cohen had been offering medical instructions over her headset from the minute they got to a secure building - Joe’s headset was unfortunately busted for good.

“Dr Cohen said to try and clean you up but not to take any of it out. We need to get you to a friendly settlement where they can do it properly. Abel’s identified one only eight miles or so off course. Barton Mound. They’re small, but they have a doctor, and maybe somethin’ stronger for the pain than two paracetamol and this shitty campfire tea.”

The boy smiled weakly. She started on the bandages.

“She must be important to you, this Emily.”

“Well, she’s the girl I’m gonna mar… oh no you don’t!” Joe stopped abruptly, dropping his stick and warming his hands over the flames.

“Oh no I don’t what ?”

“I’m savvy now, see.” Carena stared up at him. “Look, if you get me talking about me girl back home, ten minutes later I’ll wind up dead in your arms. It’s a tale as old as time, but I’m no redshirt.”

“Oh, you’re funny ,” she rolled her eyes, pretending she knew what a redshirt was.

“I do my best. But aye, my Emily’s a gem. She’s so smart. An engineer, you know. She designed this new way of harnessing solar power to heat - OW, TEN! What was that for?”

Carena had pulled the bandage a little too tight. “Talkin’ about your girl back home,” she said, mock-sweetly. “Let’s not tempt fate, shall we?”

“Maybe not,” he laughed, and rubbed at his mouth. “Least I’m too pathetic for you to punch me right now. Never forgot you have a mean right hook.”

“Well, I do a lot of fightin’.”

“You got a girl? Or, uh, guy?”

Carena snorted. “Nope. You tryin’ to get me killed now, Thirty-Seven?”

“Someday, Ten. Someday.”

“You’re not as funny as you think you are. Shut up and get some sleep. Tomorrow will be hard going.”

Half the time in Abel, she was desperately trying to find peace and quiet. Now, it was almost too silent. She tried to focus on the crackling of the fire, Joe shifting as he stoked the flames, and was almost relieved when he started chattering again.

“I’m sorry for takin’ the piss out of your title. I was thinkin’, how’s it even gonna work, anyway? Succession and all? With sixteen of you?”

“Lots of games of Rock, Paper, Scissors?” Carena sighed. “We don’t really know. People like havin’ a figurehead, but there’s no precedent for any of this. Hopefully Parliament will just abolish the monarchy or sommat.”

“Don’t fancy it?”

“You seen all Jamie’s had to put up with?”

“Fair point. You know, I’d quite fancy meself as a King. Think I’d suit a crown?”

“Your head’s too big to fit one.”

“Ouch, Ten! I’m wounded !”

“Yeah. Which is why you should be asleep.”

“You have a horrible bedside manner.”

“That’s why I’m a Runner, not a Medic,” she snarked back. “Funny, though. My Molly’s great in a crisis; she would be a much better help to you right now. Even little Sara’s probably picked up more about doctorin’ than I have.”

“Molly your girl?”

“No!”

“Huh. You said her name like she might be, ‘s all.”

“You’re about to feel my right hook again, injured or not. Shut up and go to sleep.”

“Shutting up, ma’am. Going to sleep now, ma’am.”

He did drift off shortly, sleeping in fits and starts when he woke from the pain. Carena sat with her back to him, a baseball bat in her hands, watching the night. Finally, she let herself cry.

***

The next morning, Joe looked paler. She made another cup of tea and crumbled more of their painkillers into it, hands and knees itching from her own grazes, her skin burning where the straps of her rucksack rubbed.

“Mornin’, Caz.” He managed a bit of his stupid grin. “Think we can justify eatin’ the jelly cubes yet?”

The nicest rations were tucked in the top of her pack. Without a word to the contrary, she pulled them out and unwrapped the foil, breaking off some strawberry jelly and handing it to him.

“The water don’t run in this house any more, unfortunately. We’ve got a couple litres left. Just got to hope this settlement is happy to see us.”

“Who wouldn’t be happy to be treated to the sight of us two?”

“People with eyes, brains and limited medical supplies of their own, prob’ly.”

His laugh was dry. “Ever the optimist, you.”

“Look, about yesterday. I’m sorry for what I said about your mum. My own big mouth got us into this.”

“‘S okay. It’s true. She is… she isn’t right in the head. Moonchild syndrome, a really bad case of it. Doesn’t remember me half the time. Not so great when she does.” He swallowed, and began to stamp out the last embers of the fire - they’d both slept with their shoes on, ready to go, and the pain of it seemed to be some distraction. “I was ten when she disappeared, and when she came back, she didn’t remember Dad, or baby Rosie either. They’d both died in the outbreak, it was always just us, and she was on the verge of madness for that but… that woman pushed her over the edge.”

“Joe…”

The boy continued, almost robotically, checking his gun without looking up at her.

“She was so confused, and it made her angry, and she used to take… well, I was right there, so... it’s not like anyone was paying much attention...” he trailed off, bit his lip in embarrassment. “Eventually she got convinced I’d gone grey too, tried to strangle me the same way she strangled Rosie. Skipping rope. God knows how she got hold of one, the sight of them always upset her... They wanted to kick her out of the town, let her fend for herself, but I… I begged them not to. So they locked her up instead, hid her from the Ministry till Kytan started helping people with Moonchild syndrome and they could palm her off on him.”

“Mate,” Carena said, buckling her pack, feeling her cheeks redden. “I dunno what to say.”

“C’mon, let’s move. You talk, for once. I need to think about something that’s not me legs.”

At least on the open road, traps were easier to spot. Carena racked her brain for a happy story, some way to brighten the mood.

“Okay, so… one time, me and my siblings tried to bake Dad a cake...”

They’d been really little, still living at the fire station. Archie was alive - she can remember the swish of the woman’s blonde hair against her cheek as she picked her up for a cuddle, how her voice sounded, all light and sing-song. “Now children, I am going upstairs for only ten minutes, just to have a shower. Be very good and we can go to the lake later! If you see zombies, ring the fire bell. ”

Jamie had gone mental at her later for even leaving them that long, but he was out picking up supplies from a military copter drop. In ten minutes, Naveen and Lilly had managed to coat themselves and half of the other children in flour. Jasper, somehow, had egg in his hair. Carena was sitting on the counter, decadently eating butter with a spoon and directing the scene. Archie had just laughed, and sprayed them all down with one of the hoses, and the cake-making fiasco turned into a giant water fight.

“Even the dog got involved!”

Joe grinned. “Sounds like a nice day.”

“It was,” Carena said, her voice a little softer than usual. “When I think back to that year, it’s all sunlight. Wasn’t perfect, ‘course. Archie died a few weeks after, and Jasper got turned. And… well, when Dad found out he was King he went to London for good.”

“That must’ve been hard. Him leaving like that, after you lost so many people.”

“He didn’t have much of a choice. But I didn’t always understand that, like.”

She’d been inconsolable for hours, and decided that night in her bunk that if she wasn’t good enough to make anyone stay, she would never trust them to.

“North-east, this settlement, aye?”

“Lead on.”

***

Barton Mound was a settlement of a few scraggly hilltop farmhouses, ten or eleven families surrounded on all sides by a barbed wire fence and only one gun turret. Joe and Carena both glanced at each other in distaste - it was hardly secure. Still, they had a medic and a well, and that wasn’t nothing.

Joe had got very quiet the last few miles, and Carena snuck worried looks at him as he slowed from an almost-jog to a walk to little more than a shuffle. If they were ambushed now by humans or zoms - which were unlikely but not impossible - they’d be in for it.

As they approached the makeshift gate, a woman holding a broom like a lance peered down at them.

“Who are you? What do you want?”

“You should have had word of us in advance? Caz, Abel Runner Ten. This is Canton Thirty-Seven.”

Joe waved, and slumped down against the gatepost.

“He’s been better. It’s his legs, they’re full of shrapnel, and-”

The woman tightened her grip on the broom, a mild note of panic in her voice. “Kids, was it?”

“Yeah…”

“You’d best get in, quickly. Can you walk a bit farther?”

Joe grimaced, and nodded, following after her.

“Dr Renwick should be able to help him. Then you’ll have to get out of here.”

“‘Scuse me?” Carena bristled.

“Listen, those kids… it sounds ridiculous, but they’re savage. They… they won’t be happy you got away from them. They don’t like to leave the woods, but they’ll look for you.”

“Did they take one of your people?”

The woman ignored Joe’s question, but added: “We’re just trying to live in peace with everyone, all right? We don’t want to draw them on us, and we don’t want to anger your leaders either ‘cause… well, if Abel Township wanted us dead, they’d stop at nothing to do it.”

“That’s not the sort of thing we do-“ Carena began, then realised the woman didn’t care, and wouldn’t believe them even if she did.

Dr Renwick was a tall, imposing person with a serious, strict demeanour. They sighed at the state of Carena’s attempt at field dressings, and shooed her out of the hospital (really, a converted downstairs bedroom of an old family home) with a wave of a bony hand. So the girl sat on the bottom of the staircase and rummaged through her pack, finding a few tins of rice pudding and fruit to offer in gratitude to the residents who watched her with interest and fear, surveying her like a curiosity. She scowled.

“I won’t be long,” she’d promised Molly in the kitchens, the day before she left. “A month, tops. I’ll be back well before Sara’s ninth.”

“That is long, ” her best friend had replied, hands tightening on the scrubbing brush. “How do those cooks manage to burn the stew onto every pan?”

“Stop changin’ the subject, Moll. I know you’re mad at me.”

“I’m not mad at you-”

“You are. You volunteered for kitchen duty to try and avoid my last night. And you’re actually not smilin’ at me for once.”

Molly snorted, and splashed her with soap suds. “Not like you to notice. Will you get on and dry these dishes? I’m running out of surface space.”

“I don’t want to go. Dad and Janine, they…”

“I don’t care, Caz. You have to do your duty, I get it. I just… I’m going to miss you. I know you know what it’s like, being left.”

“Yeah. Someone left me to starve in a town full of twisted soldiers.”

The younger girl swang round in a swirl of indignant blonde curls. “Carena, I was a child-“

“So was I. So was I, Molly!” The glasses clinked as she dried them too fiercely; she felt her breath get sharp and hot, like she was losing control of the conversation, losing control of the situation. She took another, and closed her eyes. “I’m sorry. I know there was nothing you could do. But I swear, I’ll be back before you know it. I’ll talk to you on comms whenever I can.”

All she wanted was to talk with her right now, to not be surrounded by suspicious faces, to be thinking about anything except the pain in Joe’s eyes.

***

The settlement couldn’t spare antibiotics, but they did have codeine, and that had already helped bring the cheer back to Joe’s face. “Just please keep the wounds clean,” the doctor grumbled. “I’d advise you to stick to the roads.”

“Are you sure you don’t want someone to pick you up, Thirty-Seven?” Joe’s operator was at the Abel comms desk, and Carena was relaying all of her messages through a bad impression of her accent.

“And miss out on all the fun? Not a chance! Give me that headset, Caz.” He snatched it. “Nadia, I am fine. Tell Emily I’m fine!”

“How much metal did you get out of his legs?” Carena asked out of curiosity as Joe regaled the operator with tales of his heroism.

“Let’s just say an airport scanner would have had a field day,” Renwick smirked, and then at the girl’s blank expression: “Twelve larger pieces. The rest are parts too miniscule to risk removing. He’s pocketed the shards as ‘souvenirs of the time he saved a Princess’. Which you didn’t tell us, by the way.”

“Oh does he ever stop,” Carena growled, and pulled her fellow Runner’s bag straps. “Come on, let’s go if we’re going.”

“Onward! Thanks for the assistance, Doc!”

“If you tell anyone else I’m a Princess I’m puttin’ all that shrapnel back ,” she threatened.

“Oooh, I’m quaking!”

It was only when they got outside the house that Carena realised the day was too quiet. The residents had stopped milling about, leaving various jobs around the farmstead half-abandoned. And there, clinging onto the gates-

Children. Filthy, hissing, angry children, armed with a nasty assortment of blades.

“Dr Renwick-“

The doctor had already slammed the door. She looked around desperately for the woman who’d brought them in, but she was nowhere to be seen.

“They’ve sold us out,” she cried. Joe swore.

“We’re surrounded, the way out is blocked. Any ideas, Nadia, Sam?”

One of the kids rattled the gates, lisp-singing through gap teeth. “Foxy-Loxy get out of den before I count to ten!”

“Not a bleeding chance,” Joe muttered. “Okay. Sam sees an exit on the other side of the settlement, but we’ll have to be quick. Nadia’s suggesting… oh, no way, I’m with Sam, I’m not throwing a grenade at the little shits, Nadi! Yes, I know they tried to kill me, but there’s a line!”

“Fort Canton, noble as ever,” Carena quipped.

“Shut up, you’d be the first to try and blow them up.”

She doesn’t bother denying it. “Okay. That exit.”

“He says it’s risky, but there’s a gap in their fence. Behind the toolshed. Run for it in three, two, one, NOW!”

For the second time in as many days, she ran for her life, the sound of childish war cries in her ears as Joe dragged her through the gap. Over the hill, rounding a corner, trying to find their way onto a trail.

“Barton Mound just cut their CCTV! Sam’s camera feed’s gone!”

“Check your four O’clock!”

He turned and fired, aiming to miss, to warn. “Behind you!” She did the same at her six.

“Ha-ha, you can’t get us, you can’t get us!”

“We’re going to get you!”

“That grenade is fast becomin’ a better option!” Carena yelled.

“An option neither of us will be able to live with! DUCK!”

A knife clipped her ear as it whizzed past. “Thirty-Seven, this is mental!”

“I’m on a lot of painkillers right now, Ten, and even I’m aware!”

“The two of us are the fastest Runners they got,” she reminded him as well as herself. “We can do this.”

They’d reached the bottom of the hill, and met a twisting country road with a few burnt-out cars. The pavement pushed back harder than the grass, giving her purchase, just like the track at home. Okay. She leant forward. Faster, faster, faster.

Then her lungs decided to freeze.

“Did we lose ‘em?” She asked, not daring to look behind her.

“Think we lost ‘em. There’s a back of a truck here where we can… Caz, your lips are blue. Caz?”

***

Someone pushed her inhaler into her mouth. She took a grateful puff of medicine.

“How many is it of the brown one, Dr Myers?” The boy said distantly. “Okay, got it.”

She found herself propped up in the back of a large truck, lit up by torchbeam. Above her, Joe’s moon-like face looked frightened. She’d never seen that expression on him before. Another puff.

“That’s it, Caz. Just keep breathing.” He gave a nervous chuckle. “Think you forgot how for a minute there.”

She reached out for his hand and squeezed his fingers, her own tinged with blue. Thank you.

“We’re only a few days out from London now, Dr Myers, it’s closer than home. We may as well finish the journey and head back in the convoy. Oh, Caz, she wants to know what you think. Can you talk?”

Carena nodded, taking a few more grateful gulps of air and finally grabbing her headset back.

“Dr Myers… Sam?”

“We’re both here,” Dr Myers replied, her tone flooded with relief. “How are you doing, Carena?”

“I’ve… been better. But Joe is right. We’ve visited… four out of the six settlements… and we know more about the militants now.”

“You’ve more than done enough,” Sam said gently. “Those children are better armed and more… persistent than we anticipated. We could send reinforcements-”

“It’s… faster for us to keep going... we’ll rest in London for a while. We can do it. We’re a good team, Joe and me. And two people can hide better.”

“If you’re sure. Joe’s injuries are susceptible to infection, and your asthma-”

“We can do this,” she said, determined not to wheeze. “We’re not going to let you down ‘cause of some kids.”

Sam sighed. “Cannibalistic kids! Sometimes, Maxie, I miss the zoms. Don’t you?”

“Can I... talk to Molly?” Carena asked over the sound of Dr Myers’ incredulous splutter.

“I’ll get her after school,” Sam promised. Carena closed her eyes. “She misses you.”

“I know.” The tight-closed truck, the pervading sweat and damp, the thought of the snarls on those faces. It’s all such a contrast to the homely atmosphere of Abel, fields and understanding and space to scream. A lump comes to her throat. “I miss her too.”

[coasttocoastreads]

Welcome back to Week 2 of Coast to Coast Reads! Who’s still alive? Katya and I are dying while social distancing, but at least we had a few laughs discussing this book:

Crescent City (House of Blood and Earth) // Sarah J Maas

★★ / ★★★★★

Summary in one two gif(s):

Real Summary:

Crescent City, a place where vanir (supernatural beings such as angels, fae, shifters, etc.) and humans freely mingle and go about their days. Bryce Quilan is a 20-something fae/human who’s still reeling from the murder of her friends 2 years ago. But after she’s commissioned to help search for an ancient artifact, Bryce, along with her new angel partner Hunt, unearth previously buried secrets about the murder that threaten to expose a worldwide conspiracy. 

Pros:

Great side characters. I would die for each and every one of them.

Lots of different mythological creatures! Not just another Fae Book™️

Cons:

It’s literally ToG 2-7 combined. If you read Throne of Glass, you’ve already been spoiled for this book. 💀💀💀

It’s wayyyy too long

Drags a lot in the beginning

Plot .5/5 (the .5 is for you, Lehaba)

What can I say. SJM literally plagiarized herself by taking the plotline of the tog books and translating it to this new setting. The writing itself was subpar, and most of the time it felt like the author herself had no idea where the plot was going, instead letting it drag on until a plot twist that makes no sense is revealed. (You’ll know which one I’m talking about when you get there.) I’ll compare CC with ToG with spoilers under the cut. 

Pacing 2/5

The beginning is full of info-dumping as SJM tries to set up this world which is metaphorically like ours, but everyone’s hot and does fantasy cocaine all the time.  It narrates boring day-to-day schedules that could have been condensed into a paragraph and at times I was tempted to skip ahead. The plot does pick up near the last 25% though, so I’ll give it that. 

Worldbuilding 2.5/5

It was confusing. To be fair, after all the info was dumped at the beginning, I didn’t bother going back to try to figure things out when they popped up again after. But like still??? I think I only started understanding the hierarchy of the government with the Asterrii(?). Also what are the Triarii I am still lost. SJM attempts to blend a more modern society with one of fantasy creatures, and for the most part it succeeds, but it often just feels...strange. I think the one thing I’m most hung up about is why swords and guns still coexist. Like ??????? it’s one or the other plssssss abandon the “aesthetic” Also while they literally have cell phones and keurig machines there aren’t common things like cars? Why.

Characters: (This is unconventional, bear with me)

Main Characters: -infinity/5 they could go die for all I care

Bryce and Hunt were both super unlikeable, 10/10 would let fall from a cliff. They are literally just rewrites of Aelin and Rowan? Bryce is like ahahaha yeah people think I’m Just a dumb vapid Female™️ who parties too much and gets trashed but SIKE I’m actually the chosen one and I’ve been hiding it this whole time because I didn’t want to hurt people’s feelings uwu. And did I mention I’m actually a trained Warrior who can keep up with The Boys? It’s Aelin y’all. There are numerous times where a character says that she’s not stupid and I’m like...are you sure... This girl makes the poorest decisions, yet ofc, there aren’t any long term consequences... (Also 99% of her problems come from ghosting people literally just respond with “k” sis)

Hunt is... idek what to say about Hunt. He’s just Rowan but in angel form. His inner monologue cycles between I must pay off my debt so I can gain Freedom 😔, why is Bryce so hot 🥴, and Shahar 😭. Once again, literally Rowan who also was bound to some evil villain, had the hots for their CENTURIES YOUNGER pupil/protectee, and had an old lover die tragically which led to them believing they can never find love again UNTIL BryLin comes along. Snooze. 

Side Characters: Infinity/5 

Ruhn Danaan was the most valid character and that’s the hill I’ll die on. He literally just wanted to protect his sister cuz she’s stupid af but she keeps pushing him away bc he’s an “alphahole” (haha how subversive :/) I want a whole book about him and Hypaxia, preferably fanfiction so I don’t have to read “soft feminine breathing” ever again.

Literally all the supporting cast- Lehaba, Therion, Ithan, Jesiba, Flynn, Connor, etc, etc. had more compelling characters and side stories than Bryce/Hunt. I was 100% more invested in them and I can’t wait to read/write more about them. 

(Pls let me marry Jesiba Roga or Therion 🥺)

But while the people on the “good” side were spectacular, the villains all felt one-dimensional and the product of over-recycled and overused tropes mashed together. Sandriel and Pollux are literally just Maeve and Cairn (is that his name)

I’d recommend for:

People who loved Throne of Glass and are lamenting the absence of new content. Please read about Rowaelin 2.0

People stuck at home during this global crisis and have too much time on their hands. (If you need that free epub, hmu)

People who are willing to skip all scenes that feature just Bryce and/or Hunt 

People who hate themselves

Would I travel here?

Sorry, what? Already shredded my passport, not getting a replacement, sorry. 

Overall thoughts:

I wish I could somehow take those hours of my life back but alas. 

See y’all in two weeks with a hopefully better book selection,

Tiff

Spoilers under cut

Okay time to VENT

OKAY so CC=ToG, let’s break down how

Danika’s death is the Nehemia Incident, setting the mc up for a journey of self discovery/reclaiming their power. They both show up as ghosts later to encourage mc in a time of great self-struggle.

Syrinx if Fleetfoot. bc all female mc’s need a pet to reveal her Feminine and Soft side

Sandriel and Pollux are Maeve and Cairn. Evil female character with vast power and her torturer? COOKIE CUTTER FORMULA. The scene where Bryce offers herself up for Hunt in the lobby also kinda mirrors that scene in..HoF? QoS? Don’t remember, but pretty sure that happened. Also that scene was so fucking dumb, I really thought Bryce had a Smart Plan, but I was bamboozled once again. 

A gem from my notes: “Bryce is Aelin but with cocaine”

I think the whole demon portal thing is a ripoff of ACOWAR (or is it KoA I can’t even remember), sacrificing yourself to close the rift, etc, etc. 

Anyways, Bryce = Aelin, a party-girl front with a sob backstory that’s her superpower origin story who always has a Plan. 

Hunt = Rowan, broody warrior busy repaying debts getting orders they don’t want while pining over a lost love. They reluctantly let the female mc in and voila they’re in LOVE

The whole “plot twist” that revealed Hunt’s true plan along was so fucking dumb...

It wasn’t a plot twist, it was just plain bad writing

There was no set up at all, nothing alluding to Hunt secretly masterminding an attempted coup with the help of Magic Meth

The whole time I was like “...this is part of their plan right. There’s no way he legit planned this...”

Character’s POVs should reveal what they’re thinking, even if you’re just hinting at something to reveal later...this was just lazy

Another thing that really rubbed me the wrong way was the sudden reveal that Fury and Juniper had been in a relationship the whole time? Despite like above, there was no prior allusion to that?

It felt like half-assed representation at best and completely irrelevant to the story with it coming up again in a throwaway line near the end

Also? I’m fairly certain there was a scene in the beginning where they were all out clubbing and Juniper hooked up with some rando while Fury was also at the club with them? Was this before they got together or did SJM insert this so last minute that no one caught it?

Wtf is sunball. Can someone just help me out here.

Some people have been saying Hunt is Asian coded? Where???!!!!! All I’m seeing is the same stuff she pulled in ACOTAR where all the Illyrians were tan so people could claim they were poc for woke points but not get in trouble for art depicting them as white ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

SJM pls stay away from “like calls to like” you don’t deserve it

[caitlynlynch]

The Scent of Murder is the first in a new series about Jazz Ramsey, a volunteer cadaver dog handler. Working with Luther, a cadaver dog in training, Jazz is shocked to stumble across a body in the abandoned building they’re using as a practice ground - and doubly so when she realizes she knows the victim.

There’s a lot going on in Jazz’s personal life which makes her unwilling to walk away from this crime without getting some answers. In the last couple of years, she broke up with the man she thought might be the love of her life (who just happens to be the lead detective on the case and as attractive as ever), lost her hero firefighter father in a tragic accident, and lost her beloved dog to illness. She’s looking for answers for a lot of things, and finding them for Florie might, just maybe, help Jazz find some closure for herself, too.

There’s a lot to like about Jazz; she’s a very relatable, well-drawn character. The kind I could see myself sitting down with to set the world to rights over a bottle of wine or two. Her relationship with Nick, the detective, will ring true with every modern woman who’s found that juggling a busy schedule and a boyfriend who works strange hours sometimes means relationships just don’t work no matter how much you want them to. I could wish Luther appeared more in the story; not even being Jazz’s dog meant he had a much smaller part than I expected, especially with this being marketed as a cozy mystery. It just doesn’t quite fit into that category; cozies for me have more humour, and definitely more animal action. It’s more of a romantic suspense without a lot of romance, or even just a straight mystery series. Billing it as a cozy feels a bit disingenuous, and like many other reviewers, I felt slightly let down although I did enjoy the story.

I do think the story needed a bit more editing. There were some weird head-hopping POV moments, like the bit where we’re suddenly in minor character Khari’s head for all of one paragraph when he’s thinking about how he knows his girlfriend Tanya isn’t serious flirting with Nick. Jazz’s mother Claire is apparently 52, although Jazz is 36 and has two older brothers. Someone’s math doesn’t add up and a good editor should have picked that up. There are moments of unnecessary info-dump - Jazz is talking to her firefighter friend Matt about her feelings on having found a body, and ‘suddenly’ realizes that of course he’s seen a body too since he found a friend who suicided. At which point I blinked a lot - Matt’s a FIREFIGHTER. He’s seen a lot more bodies than just that. Again, something which should have been picked up in editing.

Despite these issues, I thoroughly enjoyed the story, even though it wasn’t quite what I expected, and I’d definitely read more in the series to find out how Jazz and Nick progress with their tentative steps towards a new relationship, and how Jazz gets on with the new puppy she gets at the end of the story - and hopefully more Luther!

Four stars for a solid start to a series I think could get a lot better with time.

The Scent of Murder is available now.

Disclaimer: I received a copy of this book for review through NetGalley.

[canaryatlaw]

alright, so today was overall pretty good. My alarm went off at 8:15 am and I successfully convinced myself to get out of bed, so that was of course a win in itself. Got ready and caught the 9:02 bus, which put me perfectly on track to get there in time for the 10 am service since it’s almost exactly an hour commute from my apartment to the church. The bus ride is shorter early Sunday mornings of course since the roads are more clear and there are less people making stops, so by the time we got to the train station it was just about 9:25, the train plus short walk after is generally about 25 minutes. I have literally everything in my life precisely timed, which makes it that much more infuriating when Chicago public transit decides to throw a wrench in my schedule. I entered the train station, swiped my card and got up to the platform, only to find out the next train wasn’t coming for another 18 minutes now, so it wouldn’t get there until like 9:45, which doesn’t get me to church until like 10:15, meaning I’d miss most of worship and at that point I was like mmm no thanks, so I left the train station and checked the time estimations on uber and uber pool and decided I’d risk a pool to save money and hope the drive isn’t too bad. It ended up being pretty much perfect, I walked a few blocks to get picked up but from there church was the next stop so I ended up getting there at like 9:50 with time to spare before they even opened the doors to the sanctuary (they have a really short turnover time between services to make sure there are bibles and welcome cards at each seat and such so the doors generally open 5 minutes prior to the service). When I did get in I sat on the edge of the row towards the back since I was gonna try to sneak out on time to get to the huddle for the babies room for the next service since I was serving in there for then. Worship was good, the message ended up being on vulnerability and what it is and isn’t and why it’s important to show real vulnerability to those in our lives, delivered by one of my favorite members of the church board, so that was very good. when it turned 11 I snuck out to head to the kids volunteers lounge and it ended up being empty so I was like...did I mess this up? lol. It turns out I didn’t, most other people were just running late, but I got to catch up with the kids ministry pastor which was good because I’d been MIA for several weeks now (the explanation for which ended up being “I got a job and things have been really crazy” instead of the truthful “I lost the willpower to get out of bed on Sunday morning for several weeks and I’ve also been traveling a lot” just because that was an easier answer and got the job info out). so that was good at least. The babies room went well, we had a good number of employees, I had a little girl that I was handed from her parents in the door and then she refused to let me put her down the entire service so that was what I did the whole time, lol. Babies are like that sometimes in the nursery, they’ll get attached to one person and then won’t leave their side. Things were actually very calm though, I honestly don’t think there were any real crying incidents, which is a fucking miracle, even with only 5-6 babies. I’ve always said though there’s only two ways it goes in there- either everyone’s calm and playing nicely with no crying, or everyone’s screaming and something’s on fire, no in between lol. After the service I headed home and had to wait for fucking ever for a train, it was the weirdest thing, the first two trains that pulled up had both just been declared “not in service” and dumped all their passengers on the platform with no explanation, so by the time the 3rd train came like 20 minutes after I got there it was VERY crowded, but I survived and got to the bus alright. When I went to sit on the bunch for the bus stop a girl about my age came over and showed me directions on her phone and was basically like “am I in the right place??” which I assured her she was and showed her where on the sign it has the info she was looking for, because for a newbie figuring all of that out can be very difficult, and I definitely speak from experience there. It also occurred to me that there were other people waiting there but she waited for a woman about her age to come to ask because that’s a lot more comfortable than risking talking to a random man who might be a creep, so I was happy to help of course. Got home, got into comfy clothes and had some lunch, then watched a few more episodes of Designated Survivor and AH. GUYS. THIS FUCKING SHOW IS SO GOOD. The new episodes are fucking brilliant, and the way they incorporate real world unscripted interviews of actual people is so ingenuitive and actually a genius way to address social issues while maintaining a fictional environment (versus something like, Glee, where they’re trying to cover everything under the sun and shoving it all down your throat constantly). And the storylines in general are just so good, and the writing for the president is so damn good because you are always rooting for him. he has to make tough calls where there’s not always a clear right answer, but he always seems to pull it out and find the best way forward, and it’s so satisfying to see. and I LOVE KIEFER SUTHERLAND SO MUCH. god, his line at the Florida con last month was sooooo fucking long (like 2-3 hours of waiting time long) but I would’ve loved to have seen him again. Hopefully the opportunity will present itself in the near future so I can gush about how much I love the new episodes, lol. I didn’t want to binge too many of them and run out of episodes, so I stopped after episode 7 and watched more Anthony Bourdain, where he was taking on Queens, which was quite the adventure. After I finished that at some time around there Jess came over and we ordered cheesy bread as was the plan, but there was apparently some issue with the store getting swamped with orders and only having like two delivery drivers, so it took like over an hour for us to get the dang thing, but of course I’d never blame that on the poor schmuck who brought me the cheesy bread that has to run around all night to people who are probably ticked their order is late, and of course I tipped him well because the wait sure as hell wasn’t his fault. Before it arrived though, we watched some videos of some of the KPop boys’ adventures in America and Chicago specifically, mainly the one kid from outside Chicago and the one from Canada were going around with one of the ones actually from Korea (they’re all of Korean descent, they just weren’t all raised there) and taking him to like, Target and doing all sorts of amusing shit that is legit just what we would be doing if we were celebrities, so that was very amusing. Once we were finished with that we ended up buying Captain Marvel on streaming, since I’m sure as hell gonna wanna watch it again probably in the near future, so then we watched that for the rest of the night. Thoroughly enjoyed it the second time through, of course you pick up on different things knowing what’s coming so that’s always fun to see. Once the movie was over Jess headed out, and I watched another Anthony Bourdain episode and then just hung out for a bit without anything on before deciding to shower and start to get ready for bed, which I proceeded to do and now I am here. This was probably way too detailed for a day that really wasn’t all that exciting, but oh well, that’s how it comes out sometimes, no issue with that. It just turned 1:30 am so I should definitely be getting to sleep, so I will be doing that now. Goodnight loves. Hope your Monday doesn’t suck.

[dadster-and-skelesons]

rin-tsukiyori​:

-When he opened the door she felt terrified. Part of her hoped that he wasn’t actually home. But soon enough grief took over her, hugging him tightly as she started to sob. Once she managed to calm down a bit she’d let him go, gently taking his hand and leading him to the couch. She’d have him sit down with her following suit. Rin kept her distance from him at this point, glancing up to him from time to time from staring at her thumbs twiddling in her lap-

I… I did something really bad… like… REALLY bad…

-Biting her lip she’d steel herself. This hurt to tell him. She was so scared of his reaction. Would he still want her as a daughter…?-

I killed my friend Aka and my brother known as SKB… voices filled my head and…. next thing I knew I had stabbed them both to death….

-The vampiress would look to her father figure with tears running down her face, shaking rather badly. She didn’t like remember this. She hated it.-

I never wanted to do that. The last thing I’d ever want would be to hurt them…. but… I did… even if I couldn’t stop it from happening I still did it…

-She’d look away after a while, closing her eyes as she tries to calm herself down again-

The brother I killed is luckily just a kindness soul who inhabits those grey creatures, so he’s well and good. He knows and understands that I never wanted to hurt him, and has already forgiven me for it. But Aka… I’ve decided to stay away from him and his timeline. I’m never going there again, not without them giving me prior approval…

-letting out a sigh she looks over to him, pushing a stray lock of hair behind her ear. This was a lot of info she was dumping on him.-

SKB is helping me make an appointment with a therapist, so hopefully I’ll be hearing back from him soon on that. I… I just wanted to let you know what’s been going on… I’ve… lost a friend who I thought I was really close to and so many of those grey creatures lashed out at me… Everything hurts dad… I… I don’t really know if I’m going to be okay… I… could really use some advice from you…

Oh. Oh dear.

He pulls her close as she sobs, rubbing small circles on her back before she finally calms herself. He closes the door as she goes to lead him to the couch and sits down, listening quietly to her tale...

This was... This was almost like what happened before... when she attacked him. Swap looked a bit shaken.

Aka... Fell’s son, Sans... She’d killed a Sans...

The thought of something happening like that to his Blue made him swallow the thickly.

“I... I’m not sure what to say, sweet pea... You’re at least taking the right steps to get help... But I’m sure with time Fell and his family may come to try and trust you again... I can’t say that I’m surprised that they’re upset, but for now just give them some space... Is... Is Red alright?”

Due to his nature of being a Gaster he knew very vaguely about resets and the possibility of people coming back and time skipping in places but it was mostly nonsense to him.

-Rin has stopped by the swap household, having not visited in quite some time. Well at least not her dad. But she wasn’t here for a causal visit, she wanted advice and guidance from him. Hesitantly she’d knock on the door-

H-hey dad... you home...? I... I really need to talk to you about something...

"Rin?" he said as he opened the door. He hadn't seen her for a while, a slight look of worry on his face. "Did something happen, bumble bee?"

[nirah10]

Let’s get a bit personal

So, here’s a bit of an info dump after me vanishing again. This is only partially to let you guys know what’s up and partially just so that I can get a little bit of stuff off my chest. I have a really hard time connecting and sharing the important stuff with people in person, partly because I shut down and partly because everything in my brain screams at me to not be a bother. I don’t want to worry my mum. I don’t want to stress out my boyfriend. I don’t want people to think that I’m being dramatic. It’s something I’m working on but is still ridiculously difficult for me. So here it is--very personal and very raw and mostly just to get it out so I can be done with it.

Basically, this month is the closest I’ve ever come to killing myself in my adult life. I became completely (and still kind of am) convinced that my depression was going to kill me and it just started making sense that sooner would be easier than later. I spent two weeks essentially doing nothing except lying around my house attempting (and failing) to sleep and barely working up the energy to go to work. I isolated myself completely. I mentally planned out ways to make sure someone would know to check my apartment before my animals ran out of food or water. I cleaned my apartment a bit because part of my mind was telling me that it wouldn’t be fair for my loved ones to have a mess to clean up when they eventually came. It was pretty messed up. I think the only reason that it didn’t happen was because one of the ladies I work with knows me enough and I feel comfortable enough with that I admitted to her that I had been having some “urges”, as I put it. I don’t remember exactly what she said (something about having a lot of people there for me), but I remember that I sat there, nodded awkwardly and said “thanks” but, in my head, it was taking every ounce of control I had not to burst into tears. I don’t think she realizes that she probably saved my life and I don’t really have the strength to tell her that, but I really think she did. I wasn’t suddenly better and optimistic or anything, but it was enough that I knew that the “real” me didn’t want to die.

After the first couple of weeks, I started experiencing a lot of pain. At first I thought it was menstrual cramps (I was about to be due), but it much more intense than I was used to. I was getting headaches every day and I developed a horrible, itchy rash on my arm. I still couldn’t sleep and, even when I did, I still felt exhausted when I woke up. I explained these things away to myself as being the result of not taking care of myself and not sleeping. I needed to get outside, I needed to start working out again, I needed to start eating healthy, etc. I was sure I’d feel better if I could just bring myself to try but I couldn’t seem to. I started thinking that once I got past my period, my hormones might stabilize a little bit and I’d have the strength to start trying then.

My boyfriend came home for the weekend and I put on the bravest face that I could. I knew that he knew I was struggling and I told him that I hadn’t been well, but I really didn’t want him to know how bad it was. He’s so stressed out with school that I always feel like it wouldn’t be fair to put that much more stress on him, especially because there’s nothing he can really do about it and it’s “my problem”. On Monday, I took him back to the ferry so that he could return to school and I suddenly realized that I was three days late (I’ve never, ever been more than two) so I picked up a pregnancy test on the way home. It was positive. Faint, but positive. I was still experiencing a lot of pain, but had no bleeding, and I really didn’t think it was normal. I booked a doctor’s appointment and I took three more tests over the few days that I had to wait to go in. They were all negative and the pain got worse. I suddenly found that, insomnia aside, I couldn’t sleep because I simply couldn’t find a comfortable position to lay in.

When I did see my doctor, he had me take another test (another negative) and told me that he wanted to do a blood test to be sure. My mum said that she had experienced pregnancies where she repeatedly got negative tests after a positive but she was still pregnant. Before he sent me to the lab to have my blood taken, he poked about my pelvic area a bit to explore the pain. Everything hurt but I got an awful sharp pain when he put pressure on my left side. He told me to wait until the tests came back, but I know a thing or two about medicine and he didn’t have to tell me that pain on one side is not good. If I was still pregnant, there was a good chance that it was ectopic and I would end up losing it anyway and possibly require surgery.

Luckily, the labs in my area have a new system where you can check your results online and I was able to see them as early as that evening. The test came back negative. I was pregnant, but it was nonviable and I was told that my body would likely reabsorb the tissue it had grown. This was good news really, as ectopic pregnancies can be fatal and, even if the pregnancy was healthy, this would be an extremely inconvenient time to become a parent. The pain was still horrible but started to subside (it still lingers a little now but is slowly disappearing) and my hormones started to settle down. Some other side effects that I hadn’t even noticed at the time started subsiding too (my sense of smell had gone insane--I’m sure now that I threw away perfectly good chicken because I was convinced it had gone bad).

I’m doing much better in general. All the logical parts of my brain keep reminding me that I’m so lucky that I didn’t need surgery or that I wouldn’t have a newborn while my boyfriend is still in school. The logical part of my brain keeps telling me that it was just a small bundle of cells that simply stopped growing--that they needed to stop growing because they were going to die anyway and put me at risk with them. But, no matter how logical the 90% of my brain is about it, there’s still a teeny tiny portion that just keeps getting stuck on the thought that I lost a baby. I tell myself that I didn’t, because it wasn’t a baby yet, but that little small part of me just simply disagrees. I had a small bruise and a tiny little dot of a scab on the back of my hand from where they took my blood and, for whatever reason, that odd little part of my mind got kind of attached to them, thinking: that’s all that’s left. And I’ve gotten weirdly sad about it as they’ve faded. Sometimes I touch the skin and I’m always surprised that it’s smooth, like I’m expecting it to be all rough and scratchy or something. I can’t really explain it. I’m fairly confident that it’s just lingering hormones and, as I finally manage to sleep and feel more like myself, I really do hope that the feeling goes away with the rest of it.

It’s odd that something seems so small and so big at the same time. It’s literally something that didn’t happen and yet I feel like it impacted me. I never had a baby, so why do I keep thinking that I lost one?

I had some really nice visits in some of my family in the next week. I didn’t realize how long it had been since I’d seen anyone until my four-year-old nephew got my sister to video call me so that he could literally beg me to come visit. “Please, please, come my house.” It was adorable. She sent me video of him and his little sister sitting by the front door while I was on my way there, jigging about excitedly and opening the mail slot to yell my name outside. It was a pretty nice lift for me that I really needed (though I don’t know if their neighbours appreciated it).

I’m okay now. I’ll be okay. Little by little, this whole crazy experience will fade away into the past and I’ll move on from it all. Being able to unload it all on a blog is surprisingly helpful, if anything just to process the thoughts a bit. At this point, the only thing I’m really worried about is if I ever become pregnant again that the extreme  depression and suicidal thoughts will come back. I don’t know how I could possibly handle that for a whole nine months. Hopefully, it won’t be a problem and, if it is, at least I’ll have some sort of heads up.