#im not usually this negative in my reviews

[journalsouppe]

My spread for To The Moon! A friend recommended me this game and although there were a lot of things I really liked about this game, I really really don't like sad stories so this particular game just wasn't for me. The storytelling and art and music was all super well done!! I just hate reading or watching something that will leave me depressed afterwards.

So I do recommend this game if you like sad stories and my score is very subjective to my personal tastes, so don't let that deter you if you are interested in this game. I also gave Celeste a low score even though if I had watched a playthrough instead of playing it, it would've been way higher (I hated the mechanics but loved the art and storytelling). It's just not for me and that's totally okay!

Writing typed below! + extra blurb

rating: 7 played: su 2023 port: pc (steam) fave? N replayable? N recommend? Y

Comments:

"he likes cats" "why does the world have to be so complicated"

i'm worried this will turn into a horror game lol. the art reminds me of the witch

so many rabbits

"you neurotypicals" i... don't think this convo has anything to do with neurodivergency

the environments are so gorgeous

repetitive gameplay- slows down storytelling

i like river's expressive eyes

cute lighthouse scene

if i had known the gameplay was this simple i prob wouldve watched keith or a similar lets player

aww pretty horse

oo it's getting creepy

why is neil missing

^ LMFAO NVM

OH SHIT

fucked they made him forget his own brother

NOT JOEY THIRD WHEELING

damn i do not like the mom

the fair is really cute

the river name scene is pissing me off (as someone who has such a rare name ive never met another person with my name irl or online, river is not that uncommon of a name T_T_T_T_TT_T)

awww his brother's back

the memory tech stuff is very confusing

idk why eva was so sketch i think neil wouldve agreed to it

why was the pill addiction relevant?? did i miss something??

Game notes:

beautiful music and pixel art

point and click walking

collect orbs to unlock memories

puzzle grid for memories

whac-a-mole with pretty janky controls

apparently you can move with arrow keys T_T

"combat" scene with dodging and shooting

Summary:

Although I liked the story and thought the thing was very wellmade, this game just wasn't my particular cup of tea. Similar to Celeste, I prob would've liked it if I had watched it instead. It's a depressing tale esp after realizing all the work you do is just some simulation and joey still died and river still died heartbroken. It's absolutely a game I'd recommend for people who like sad/sappy stories but it's not something I'd personally replay. Idk if I'll watch or play through the extra content, again this story just made me kinda depressed and i don't enjoy this feeling. I'm also confused why they acted like river's diagnosis was taboo or smth, she had smth like autism right? Why did they say so... The art style is very cute and the animations were done incredibly well. The environments were especially superbly made. The controls were a little odd esp for the mini games. A little disappointed I didn't learn to use the arrow keys until the last ten minutes of the game. Eva and Neil were fun characters, i liked their dynamic. I understand the structure of the story and finding key pieces of their life, but the gameplay got pretty repetitive and tedious until the switch in act 2/3. Overall, a good game with beautiful designs and simple mechanics. If you like sad/tragic stories then I def recommend. This game reminds me a lot of UP (the movie) so I think MC would really like this game (an old teacher of mine).

Also a little note on my comments for autism, I also have autism so it just felt a little weird playing this game. I'm sure the attitudes around autism were much different in the time they were depicting (probably around the mid to late 20th century) but it still rubbed me the wrong way that it seemed everyone treated river poorly, especially her husband. And I also just hate miscommunication tropes so bad so part of that really played into some of the diagnosis and storytelling. Again, not a game for me personally and these were just my critiques but I'm not actually or seriously offended by this game, I just hate sad shit!!!!!!

[famewolf]

I'm gonna be a little quiet on here until after I start playing Dragon Age. I don't want to be spoiled and the urge to click on posts that have DA tags blacklisted is mounting. And just like with Inquisition, I want to go in totally blind.

[rox-of-iu]

this is just me going "fine I'll just do it myself" after not being able to find a single fanart for Yi Xian (the cultivation card game). (I bet there's some but I'm just not able to find it)

so here we are, catering to myself and myself only with very low-effort doodles to destress feat. mostly Mu Yifeng, Yan Chen and Jiang Ximing

[veliseraptor]

Hello ! I've read a lot of the posts you shared or wrote about horror, especially in reaction to "pearl-clutching" discourse against the whole genre.

It was very though provoking (thanks!) but I was wondering if/how you draw the distinction between that and, well, honest and "legitimate" bad review / negative analysis of some individual stories who happen to be horror ?

Oh, for sure. Of course there's legitimate criticisms to be made about individual horror works, or even about horror as a genre on the whole. I'm never going to claim that there isn't. While I do feel like there's a place for the "let people have fun" school of thought around media criticism, I don't think it should be a blanket smothering of all criticism - mostly, as with so many things, it is worth considering your time, place, and audience. For your own sake as well, I find.

I do think that sometimes the language of "criticizing" or "being critical" has become a handy mask for people to say whatever they want in some of the same (though less pernicious) way that people use "I'm just asking questions" to shut down discussion of misinformation and conspiracy theories. Again, #notallcriticism, much of it is good and beneficial and keeps things fresh (and me thinking), even the criticism I ultimately might end up disagreeing with. And at the same time, I do see the tendency popping up sometimes to use the idea of "legitimate criticism" as a way to shield a person from disagreement (the somewhat infamous "think critically about x" translating to "and you'll agree with me" comes to mind.)

As far as the how, well, it's certainly a little your mileage may vary - what I might read as an unfair review of a book I liked, for instance, someone else might read as a well-deserved ripping to shreds of a mediocre work, and it's certainly possible for neither of us to be "right" about which it is. Some of this - maybe even a lot of it - is a matter of perspective.

I guess I would think of two things that shape my perception of how someone is talking about a work or a genre, in general and in particular with horror:

1. Is the writer familiar with the genre? Do they have at least a passing familiarity with the conventions, tropes, and other narrative tics that tend to crop up? If not, are the criticisms they are making marked by that lack of knowledge (ime some of the discourse about the A Song of Ice and Fire falls victim to this, sometimes). I'm not saying that criticism is invalid coming from someone without genre knowledge, but I am saying that I'm more inclined to be skeptical of criticism that comes from someone who clearly dislikes the specific genre they're discussing, because it sometimes feels like a willful lack of curiosity and unwillingness to engage with a text/genre on its own terms.

> Addendum to this: is the writer familiar with the genre as it stands recently? Horror now looks rather different than horror fifty years ago, just for instance.

2. Is the argument or point they're making actually coherent? Is the analysis solid and grounded in at least some kind of evidence or source? (Is the author using screenshots of tweets in lieu of actually writing about the phenomenon they're discussing?) I can't always but I'd say I can usually at least recognize, even if I disagree, when someone is actually taking what they're engaging with seriously and when they're not (in terms of the work put in to convince me what they're saying is true, relevant, and important), and if they're not taking it seriously then why should I?

And one more, I guess, which feels obvious but sometimes on the internet isn't, because people love to have opinions (I get it! so do I!):

3. Has the writer actually read (or watched/played/whatever) what they're talking about? This ties in a little with point one but is slightly divergent, because someone can to an extent be familiar with a genre without having read it. But someone talking authoritatively about the problems with something they haven't actually had direct contact with, based purely on a set of cultural osmosis and related assumptions, is frustratingly common, and people will assume that they know what they're talking about from that alone and are qualified to make a sweeping judgment from that position. And I'm just not going to take criticism made from that perspective very seriously.

That's how I'd draw my lines, anyway. I don't claim to be an authority, certainly; I'm a gal on the internet with a big mouth and a lot of opinions. I think the important things here though are a. I certainly don't think that there's no such thing as legitimate criticism (in the negative sense) of horror works or horror as a genre, and b. I have particular standards for how I judge that criticism based on content and context.

I guess it's also worth noting, with this particular example, that the other question is "how much does this feel like it aligns with the present moral panic around dark or disturbing content in fiction?" and if the answer is "a lot" then I'm significantly more likely to dismiss it.

[stevethehairington]

okay i don't usually make posts like this but im honestly so fucking inscenced on my behalf but also on the behalf of a whole lot of other writers too.

i decided to take a peek at the bookmarks on my latest two fics bc ive seen some people leave some really awesome comments there before and it's always nice to see, but as im scrolling through them i come across these two:

let me just say. i'm blown away by the blatant assholery here!!!

first of all — BOOKMARKS ARE PUBLIC!!!! THE AUTHORS CAN SEE WHAT YOU ARE SAYING AND WE D O.

second of all — the au-fucking-dacity to comment you're fucking tired of challengers fic on a challengers fic???? no one fuckin asked you to read it??? no one fuckin forced you to??? if you're so tired of it then fucking stop reading it??? absolutely no fucking need to say that shit on someone's fic. fuck that.

third of all — WHYYYYY the fuck are you bookmarking fics you don't like????? who the fuck does that. bookmarks are meant for things you LIKE things you want to revisit things you don't want to lose bc you loved it so much!!!!! you don't fucking SAVE the stuff that you didn't vibe with???? the fuck???

and so, after seeing this i clicked on this person's profile to see who tf they are and 1. not only do they have absolutely zero fics of their own posted but 2. they also have like 1k+ other bookmarks, A LOT OF WHICH are fuckass negative ass nasty ass reviews and critiques. like???? look at some of this other shit:

and there was another one that said "what was that lmfao too much smut barely any plot and way too ooc" (except i didn't snag a screenshot of that one before it must have gotten deleted).

but like what the actual fuck. how much of a raging ASSHOLE do you have to be to go around leaving these rude ass comments in the bookmarks of someone's fic — fic that they poured a lot of their time and heart and passion into, all for free mind you!!!!!

if you do this, fuck you. and fuck this person too.

[thesungod]

their theme is so inconsistent like at the beginning it feels clear, being who you are and accepting each other’s darkness, but the way its done is 😬 and then it switches up to being literally budget toa saying “well everything can change yk??? don’t stay in the darkness” but in a horrible fashion and they’re acting like this is what they’ve been trying to tell me in the past 400 pages when it ISNT dont LIE to ME

i don’t think EITHER of them was reading the book as they write they were just mashing words together bc im watching a book promo for it rn and rick’s saying that will likes nico bc he likes nicos ““darkness”” and how intrigues him and mark’s saying neither of nico or will wants to change that core part of the other. which explains away him in BOO trying to tell nico that nobody disliked him—being that will was projecting his own feelings about nico onto others—and also relates will to apollo even more with their need to reach out to outcasts and love them. but then they didn’t write that they literally wrote that will doesn’t like it and he wants to fix it. thats my STEP SON and they did that to him.

rick did not want to write this book at all, and mark probably projected their nico stanisms onto the other characters without justifying the stanisms. you can really tell when rick has a passion for writing something and when he could not care less. the subtle toa promo in one of the gorgyra scenes and apollo’s updated glossary—he wants you to read toa so bad he could not gaf about this book. and yet apollo is never mentioned positively like give him back to me.

speaking of mark i think this is just a consistent issue they have when writing. i read reviews of one of their books (anger is a gift) and some were very negative about the way the narrative made the protagonist the most righteous person ever and completely revolved around them. ifl that issue bleeds into this book as well.

i saw people (including the writers) say this book is darker than a lot of rick’s other books and i really need them to shut the fuck up; THO literally had kids tied up in crucifixes to be burned at the stake 😭

ok sorry for the ramble i see the letters tsats together and i go on a rampage

you absolutely ate this up!!

also laughing at you calling it “budget toa” because that’s exactly what i said to a friend about this book once. i felt almost offended over the authors trying to fit the “everyone can change!!” narrative last minute and make Nico the symbol of re-invention after five whole books of ToA. i was very “how dare you stand where he stood” about it which is childish but alas.

i’ve also mentioned several times how will and nico’s conflict in the book was not intriguing to read about because it was inconsistent. not to mention that according to the timeline they’ve been together for a year!!! an entire year!!! and the book still has Will acting #shocked that Nico, idk, likes darkness.

the Mary-Suing of Nico literally the worst thing to ever happen to me. i’m usually all for my faves winning, but that’s after they’ve been through the mortifying ordeal of losing, yk. and i get that Nico has been through a lot but the book was basically a 400-pages-long ass kissing and i couldn’t do it.

i couldn’t even feel particularly moved or vindicated by Bob pledging loyalty to him in the end because it wasn’t cathartic at all. i was like we get it dude lol

same with his “friendship” with Piper tbh. not everyone needs to like Nico😭 i would have totally loved it if the book had shown a friendship progress organically through their grief for Jason or common interests (even if just briefly narrated through a recollection!! i’m not saying we needed chapters of flashbacks or Piper as a third main), but Nico does not mention her once ever. they didn’t even like each other in HoO!! then at the end of the book he calls her and he is all like “of course she wouldn’t be angry at me for not calling after Jason died <3 she understands that grief is complicated <3”

my king Piper isn’t angry at you for not calling because she dgaf about you. why would she. who are you to her

another thing I’ll never get over re: Nico and Will’s relationship is how, per the book, Nico encouraged Will to come out and was the first one of the two to do so, when every. single. thing written about them in the Hidden Oracle suggests the opposite.

why the fuck is Nico so reticent and embarrassed about admitting to be Will’s boyfriend in the first book of ToA if it’s Nico who came out first? IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE CAMP might I add?

because i get that coming out to someone doesn’t necessarily mean being comfortable coming out to everyone, but Nico announced his crush IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE CAMP. and asked Will out. and Will wasn’t out at the time. so whyyyy is their dynamic on THO literally the opposite of this? with Will pushing Nico to be more open about their relationship while Nico plays coy? because Apollo is Will’s father? idk, maybe i guess😭

but it’s pretty obvious the change in the dynamic was established later on and that the impression we were supposed to have while reading THO is that Will was the one more comfortable and in tune with his sexuality. like, come on.

[commander-gloryforge]

okay bit of a ramble incoming but. me and writing, we havent had the best relationship lately, mostly because ive been dealing with imposter syndrome a lot, and writer spaces dont seem to be as welcome as they used to be to me. but for the past months ive been trying to get into a more healthy mindset about writing. its just difficult because many of the author communities im apart of dont seem to agree with said mindset.

so. heres a thing that happened. theres this book series, a ya romantasy, that kind of went viral on booktube/booktok for being mostly shitty. i've watched a couple of reviews of it, most of them negative, can generally agree with most criticisms of the book, and it is, in my mind, ticked off as a "bad book". dont be like that author, dont do what she does, dont write like this, everyone will hate your book.

me and my father were sitting in the garden, next to eachother, me writing and him listening to an audiobook. he tells me about how good it is and how much he likes it. theres dragons, its so cool, its such an interesting world, he's at book two now and cant wait for the third one to be released. to my surprise, its the exact book that booktubers everywhere talk shit about. now ive seen people on the internet that liked the book, but theyre just some guys on the web and i dont know them and their opinion doesnt mean much. but my dad? i know him. i know his tastes. and he likes it.

and i think that made me realise something. i still dont like that book, but someone, a person whose taste and opinions i (usually) value, does. he doesnt care about the plot holes that others see, he doesnt know about the discourse surrounding certain tropes, he likes it because its fantasy, and theres dragons, and theres magic, the fact that theres a disabled protagonist is cool to him, and THERES DRAGONS! and so many other people also like it. for whatever reason.

its a "bad book", apparently, thats what most people call it, but to some its a good book. and if someone just constantly keeps finding issues with a book, then it wasnt for them in the first place wasnt it? critiques and negative reviews and rants are still valid and, i'd say, needed. but in the end, they dont matter much. the book isnt offensive or "problematic" or anything but it really is just kinda bad and people still like it and it really is fine.

my writing is gonna be bad to someone. my writing style is convoluted and kind of silly and just. bad. okay. and there are people that still like it. that doesnt mean i dont want to improve and get better as a writer, i do. for the people that like my stuff, for myself, i will get better, but like. its fine. im fine. someone will like what i write. there will be bad parts of my writing that some people will hate, and some will ignore, and thats the fact for every book and every kind of art.

ill be fine. ill just keep writing and things will be fine.

[theinyshlobster]

my name's yours, what's alaska?: a memoir by alaska thunderfuck [review]

read from august 30th - september 1st

review:

tone spoilers only!

how fitting for miss alaska’s memoir to be my 69th read of 2024. and i didn’t expect to enjoy it so much.

usually im not a raving fan of memoirs but genuinely this is a must-read, especially if you’re a fan of drag race.

i think the best part of this memoir was easily the parts following alaska & sharon’s relationship. 

now i hate to focus a review of a memoir based on the relationships within, but much like in the dream house, the abuse *is* central to the memoir. most drag race fans are aware that sharon is not a great person, but this really goes into sharon’s depravity. from the reasons why she auditioned for drag race to her manipulative tendencies, to me this book really gives credence to any allegation laid against sharon. if you’re still a sharon fan after reading this book….. CHOP. alaska’s quote “Sharon owned me” really summarises their entire relationship in one word.

however, as much as this memoir follows sharon, alaska is the star of the show. her witty writing style combined with her focusing on the nitty-gritty of her life was very intriguing to follow. i’m thankful in a way that alaska didn’t spend endless chapters following s5 & as2 because we all know those stories. what we didn’t know is how alaska came to rise in pittsburgh, how she met sharon, her downward spiral into a life of drugs & alcohol, and where alaska is post-as2. ive only read one drag race queen’s memoir prior to this, so (no shade to lawrence chaney) i wasn’t expecting a magnum opus - i was expecting an entertaining story, and nothing more. what i didn’t expect was an incredibly harrowing story that goes in depth about the black hole of negativity that is sharon needles.

i will say the only thing holding this memoir back is its length. for how much alaska has done in her life so far compared to the length of this book, it felt like everything breezed past too fast. i wish we spent more time on alaska herself rather than sharon, although i know sharon was an integral part of alaska’s drag career. 

but hey at least now when i listen to ‘the T’ i know the backstory to all the lyrics!

[ninjawitdaddyissues]

todays video/unpopular opinion/rant

(its fairly negative so like, skip if u dont wanna hear negativity 🫰)

todays vid just left an icky taste in my mouth. to be fair i watched it bleary eyed at 7am and haven't watched since but like idk the thinly veiled ad really irked me. i usually enjoy (and eyeroll) at their silliness doing full video ads. but like idk the whimsy wasnt there for me.

it wasn't til steevie did some digging that it clicked. this company is mad shady. data stealing (im aware judt about everything is these days), scraping the internet of bad reviews (as much as possible, steevie still found plenty - with some digging) and not to mention one of the prizes being a amazon vouchers? idk i think it hits worse than past ads bc shady company + 'prizes' that phannies will absolutely go for means that this shit ass company will actually make a dime on their backs. on their audiences backs. like its your classic 'free to play' but ofc people will spend money.

just not the vibes man, im just disappointed at the failure to do research into something they have promoted. big ick. i know advertising is a necessary evil in their job (and in existing on the internet these days) but like maybe collab with a company that isn't so shite?

i love these silly lil dudes but like come on, do better plz 💚

[weirdfishy]

had the most gorgeous interaction today and remembering it is actively erasing all negativity from my blood; i was shopping for stock, and there’s was an older woman also in the aisle, looking at premade seasoning packets directly across from the stock. we make eye contact and she scoots over, i put my cart next to hers to read labels and decide. i don’t exactly remember what she said that made me turn, i think there was some sort of preamblic “excuse me” but next thing i know im being shown a chili pack, and asked “is this spicy? she can’t have spicy”

all at once i have the urgent need to use all culinary knowledge and logical deduction to help this woman and i want to be as helpful as possible, but im terrible at unexpected interactions in settings where i have limited expectations (the nod and scoot in an aisle is expected, as is an exchange with a clerk; this, this is not)

“mild?” she questions, handing me the package she’s chosen; i try my best, taking it and flipping it over, reading spices to her— cumin, paprika, chili powder are the first three; it doesn’t seem like it would be spicy outside usual chili spice, but it’s impossible to say what the ratios are, or how to know the tolerance of the “she” the woman referred to. all i say is “i doesn’t seem like it would be too spicy…” before we both look to the wall of other chili spice packets.

some say ‘mild,’ others ‘spicy,’ and some, like the packet i hand back to her, have neither. i’m at such a loss, so i make an assumption, “well i suppose if it doesn’t say hot or mild, it shouldn’t be too bad?” she hums, and picks at a couple others; i turn back around to decide i’m getting one beef broth and one vegetable (i’m making stew for dinner, though i’ll start sweating once i get back outside; hot soup for a hot day).

i’m looking at prices when she says, “thank you for your help,” holding up a couple different packets, one that says ‘mild’ while the others don’t specify. i wish i could’ve helped her more, in hindsight i could’ve looked up some reviews to show her, but at the time i just say, “of course, have a good one.”

i choose my stock and check out, and even the small interaction with the person asking for donations (how are you? good, yourself? as well as i could be, can you donate? not today sir, sorry) is within my expectations for grocery stores.

i’ll think of that interaction often, and add things like that to my possible interactions for grocery stores.

i hope the woman found a packet “she” could have.

[barbatos-sama]

my review of fae farm that nobody asked for:

so, it's a cute game but it's very,, standard farm game. basically harvest moon with not much to set it apart. i was hoping there would be that whimsical feeling with unique magic mechanics but for the most part it's just standard farm game stuff retextured as magic stuff. the biggest example being that the magic staff is literally just a retextured sword. it can do spells sometimes that are useful, for example you have a whirlwind spell that can be used to easily harvest a bunch of crops at once, so i wish there was more of that kind of thing. it also kinda pushes the 'magic' mechanic onto standard farm game things that feels unnecessary. for example, like you have a mana bar like most magic-based games have. you can't do magic once your mana bar is depleted. the problem is that it counts things such as watering multiple crops at once as magic. meanwhile in stardew for example you can just do that with the only expense being stamina and water consumption. this takes both of these things And the mana cost, making it more annoying.

it has another big problem that i think most farm games have, that being that animals take way too long to take care of every day. it requires you to brush them all, pet them, sheer/milk them, and all of those things have animations that take Way too long, making the animal husbandry feel soooo annoying and time consuming. this problem isn't unique to this specific game but the fact that you even have to brush the cows is something i've never seen. it almost makes me want to just get rid of my animals and ignore that mechanic entirely. their products don't seem worth it even after putting it through artisan processing, so i find myself like 'what is even the point'. it also takes a lot of resources to process them into something usable, for example i think you need five wood you cut from a tree to make a single processed lumber, which you then need a lot of to make anything with. same with ore and artisan goods. it makes things take too long, like you could spend the whole day chopping wood and only get like five usable lumber out of it.

you also don't really get into the 'fae' part until like chapter four of the game which is too long in my opinion, i only Just got my wings like the day before yesterday. now i've opened the fae portal so im seeing more fairies around (and romancing one) but it took so long :I SPEAKING of the npcs, they REALLY lack dialogue or personality. i'm talking like maybe three lines of dialogue per friendship level. i've barely even talked to the guy im romancing and he already says he intends to court me (exact quote, i appreciate the bluntness ADGDJ) i think that's one of my biggest problems with the game, these characters have no substance to the point that i literally haven't bothered to learn any of their names because they're That nothing to me.

also there's a hybrid flowers mechanic in this game which would set it apart from other farming games But it takes SO long to breed the flowers it feels pointless to me, esp cause you need a lot of hybrids to get things like different colored wings for example and locking them behind something that takes so long is a big turnoff for me. like give me blue wings, this is Fae Farm, i shouldn't have to work so hard to be a fairy!!

the biggest money maker seems to be mining, processing your gems is what's made the most money for me (it's baffling how hard making money in this game is, i thought my usual strat of 'plant a fuck ton of crops' would work but it doesn't at all) and like, idk i think a Farming game should focus on farming yknow.

i've been talking a lot abt negatives, i suppose some positives are the aforementioned whirlwind spell making crops easy to harvest, and a big one is that there's a universal storage on your farm, so like you put everything in your one storage shed and you have access to that on every one of your processing machines without having to actually take the items out of your storage. so that's really helpful. the characters are quite cute and they give me kind of mysims vibe based in the style, but it doesn't have the charm that mysims had. mysims got away with simple characters with not much dialogue by making their animations very expressive as well as just having strong fun gameplay. only example i rly liked in this game was that my future boyfriend swings his little feet when he sits in chairs and i think it's really cute.

yeah uhhhh idk i was having fun with the game but am already feeling burnt out because this game just feels like a generic farming game that i've played a thousand times, kind of like copy of harvest moon with all the same problems as harvest moon. kind of makes me feel like i wasted 40 bucks ;-; i liked the demo but it felt like they kinda hid the parts that sucked outside of the demo AHDHHDHD like the very beginning of the game is fun but once you get into it more you realize how stupidly grindy it is

[manonamora-if]

ive been looking at the ifcomp and i think im gonna do it. any advice for a firsttimer? what should i expect? what was your experience?

Hi Anon!

First of all, congrats on taking the leap! I know it can be quite daunting to participate in one of the biggest and oldest IF Competition there is currently. Takes quite a bit of guts to do it! Yay, you!

Suuuper long ask answer because you asked questions requiring long answers, where I probably repeated myself multiple times.

IFComp Advice

What to expect?

What was my experience?

TLDR: it's hard but also fun. Def recommend at one point (unless ranking makes you go blerg... then do the SpringThing or an unranked game jam).

IFComp Advice

I do have some advice for you, especially if you are planning on submitting a game to the IFComp this year, which is less than a month away:

Be Ready for your work to be judged and reviewed by people. Some will be harsh, some will be kind, most will be fair. If you are not fully open to criticism, especially negative one, the voting period will sting like hell. It is also fine not to read any review or comment about your entry, but a head's up is important.

Be prepared to rank low. If you follow the advice below, you probably won't end up last place. But the competition is stiff. Authors often spend a year or two on their entries before they submit. If you know you can't handle rankings, go for the SpringThing instead. More chill.

Submit your intent to participate NOW! The deadline is Sept 1st, but it's easy to put it off and forget. And intent to participate doesn't mean you have to submit something. You can back out at any moment (even during the voting period).

Check the rules and timeline of the comp (@ifcomp). You don't want to disqualify yourself by mistake...

Keep it short: 15 to 30 min of gameplay. There is less than one month left, and you want plenty of time to make sure your entry is as polish as possible! I took 3 months last time and it was a buggy mess on Day 1 of the voting period.

Use a program you know, or a simple one with good documentation or guides. You might have time in a month to learn how to use a complex program, but I wouldn't recommend it. List at the end.

Create something simple but airtight. You are racing against time. Shooting for the moon with something complex could work, or it could land you in the bottom. Usually, it is best to create a game which is doing little, but doing it very well, than submitting a behemoth that can't even do its core gameplay loop right every time (dissing myself, yes). Sam Ashwell has some good article for choice-based, Emily Short for parser puzzles.

Your prose should have as little grammar mistakes as possible. Pass your text through as many grammar checkers, and maybe some human testers (beta). The more eyes you have on it, the better. Hate to say it but, avoid word crimes there...

Have some impactful interactivity, that makes sense with the story. Puzzle, branching of variation, etc... Even if all of it is fake, and you are pushing the player through a linear story, the player shouldn't feel like they are just flipping pages of a book. I am not talking about the quantity, but the quality of the interactivity. Emily Short has some great article about that stuff.

Don't have bugs. Should be obvious, but you know... I didn't follow that one and got (rightly) roasted for it in the reviews. Test your game (and have people test your game) A LOT.

Style your project a little bit (if possible). It doesn't have to be fancy, but as simple as changing the colour of the background and the text, maybe the font of the text as well (!!! it should still be readable) can go a long way. Also appreciated but never mandatory: different formatting for different bits of text, some animation in the text, having images, having audio, having accessibility settings (theme, font, visual, audio)... Again, those are pointers. Leave this for last.

Credit where credit is due. Code, assets, beta-tester, etc... anything you did not make from scratch, or anyone helping you along the way, should be added in a credit page. Also credit yourself for what you did :P you deserve to show off your efforts!

Test your game relentlessly. Yes it bares repeating, I've done that mistake. Don't be me. Test your stuff again. Have people break your game.

Edit your submission page with care. Have a grabbing hook for your synopsis, an eye catching image, and any relevant documents the players would need (i.e. walkthrough). DON'T FORGET TO ADD A WAY FOR PLAYER REACH YOU FOR BUGS!

MOST IMPORTANTLY: Have fun! If you have fun making your entry, it will show in the writing and how the game is constructed.

Hypertext/Choice-based: Twine (Harlowe, SugarCube), Ink/Inklewriter, Moiki, ChoiceScript Parser: Adventuron

Oh... and good luck. You'll need it :P

If you are thinking of next year instead, most of these advice applies. You can just rule out the intent submission for now, the length of the game (1h gameplay is usually the sweet spot), and the program to use (though take one you understand). The rest could work for any comp honestly.

What to Expect?

The IFComp period in an exciting time where many people gather to play games and talk about them. Many people submit stuff yearly, sometimes with good results, sometimes it's atrocious. Sometimes, authors who haven't been seen in a while reappear to show off their labour of love or review other people's games. It can be very intense and overwhelming if you are participating (author or player).

As an author, you should expect (not exhaustive):

deadline (intent/game/voting),

potentially getting comments for bugs (and having to update, which you are allowed to),

seeing reviews and discussions about your entry (mainly on the IntFiction Forum, but sometimes on blogs too): good stuff, negative stuff, and people missing the point entirely or having bad take, or takes you didn't think about.

seeing people rating your entry on the IFDB (rating =/= vote, but can be a flawed indicator)

feelings galore (good, bad, ugly, anxious), especially stressing about the results

having to remind yourself that no one can judge everything completely objectively (expect when it comes to bugs, it is or it isn't), and that people vote for what they like.

following the rules on the IFComp website

a special private group on the IntFiction forum to discuss with other authors when the voting period starts, as well as posting reviews,

maybe get a prize at the end? (depends on your placement)

Honestly, it can be pretty rough. This is not an easy competition. Most people have been working on those projects for months or years. Some have for just a few weeks, but their pieces can be out of this world. Only the organisers have an idea of who is competing ahead of time, and how competitive it could be from year to year (i.e. did big names come out or not).

While reviews and ratings can give you an indication of how your game is faring with players, you will not be able to know until the votes are actually out (case and point: me, thought I did much better than reality). Either way, it will be a surprise, good, bad, disappointing...

Speaking of reviewers, most will try to be as partial as possible and going into every entry with an open mind. But, there are harsh reviewers out there, as well as kind ones. It is not unusual to see blunt reviews, especially if something ticked the player (bugs usually).

But also, it's loads of fun! You have a bunch of very serious people debating on minor things, newcomers trying out the comp and sometimes even reaching the stars, oldcomers popping by for a cup promising they will review ever game and then disappearing after three, a lot of very very very good games to play, so many different perspectives on what if IF, and feeling like you have a voice in what should be crowned the best of the competition!

It's weird, it's serious, it's goofy...

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best... but most importantly, have some fun. And do what's best for your mental health!

What was my experience?

I think I've talked about it quite extensively in my Post-Mortem for The Thick Table Tavern. Read that before the end of this, for context.

And almost a year after this experience (on this day, I was frantically writing), I think my feelings have changed quite a bit. I went into the competition guns-blazing without understanding the importance of things (bugs/grammar especially) and thinking I had done the absolute most and breaking the genre, believed I did sooooo much better than any other entry, got very dramatic when the first non-positive reviews came in, and was about to throw my shit when I saw the 1s in the voting curve. I am only a bit over-exaggerating here.

I definitely deserved the placement I got. Don't misunderstand, I am incredibly proud of what I achieved there! But... there were major issues for sure. And I've come around to recognise those.

Those 1s-2s were warranted, those negative comments were warranted: the first version was buggy as hell (which I think was the version in the mass downloadable packet? and I updated the game like 20 times), there are still a bunch of issues with the prose (I learned my em dash lesson!), the pacing is aaaalll the way off (I thought I was being cheeky, but didn't always land)... This was something way different for the comp, maybe more experimental than people expected (I mean, who does a click-only bar for a text-based comp...)? But most importantly, while it looked polished, you just needed to play a few minutes to see the varnish crack...

To say the least, I got slapped back to reality. HARD. This was a mediocre good-looking game. Real pretty, big flaws. And that's ok (not putting myself down). Not every game can be winners (unless it's La Petite Mort or DOL-OS :P), not every game will work as intended. You can rack all the trophies all the times. Sometimes you're just at the bottom.

All this might sound hella negative, but I am incredibly grateful for this experience. I have learned so much about game creation, coding, writing, what to do and avoid... There are things I probably wouldn't have learned had I not participated (or not as early). I have created friendships (and rivalries /jk) and found a community where I feel comfortable being this experimental with my work (hey, it worked for DOL-OS!) and continuing breaking the codes. It's renewed my drive to create and do more: games, experiments, trying new program, but also for the community, helping out, creating guides and templates, giving advice...

And I've found a bit of love for reviewing stuff it turns out.

I've made my peace.

And I have plans for a new pretty weird game for a future IFComp ;) I will make people cringe again :P Hopefully not because of bugs!

Final sidenote: I am still not taking my advice. No one tested DOL-OS before it was submitted, and it won. But also, other games placed poorly... I am still speed-running through competitions (not the IFComp this time), and tripping all over all the time. I still submit thing thinking I'm the hottest stuff and that no one else will be better than me. Completely delusional here. Be better than me, for your sake.

[spookfished]

big media roundup (july edition)

hellooo again welcome to my media roundup, where i talk about things i read/watched/played this month! (…and by last month i mean AN ENTIRE MONTH AGO. WOOPS in my defense i got sick [better now]) in july i downloaded tachij2k, which im going to be shilling forever as the best way to read manga on android (apk on github here) this also means that ive been reading like, a Lot of manga lol so i split books + comics into two.

books:

vita nostra by Marina and Sergey Dyachenko: a metaphysics-ish novel about a girl who is blackmailed into going to a magic school. sort of a subversion where (unlike many magic school books) it basically is all about learning and stuff? im kind of a sucker for books written by married couples i think its really cute and also kind of fascinating... um i sort of disagree with its approach to pedagogy but its also sort of about the blood sweat and tears part of learning,, where i usually quit beforehand LOL. got that eastern european hopeless and drudgery (?) but idk i would definitely recommend

the great believers by rebecca makkai: historical fiction that swaps between an art curator-y guy living through the aids epidemic in chicago and his friend in the present who is trying to reunite w her estranged daughter. i really liked this!! super devastating obviously literally scooped me like a melon. very well researched! i hadnt really grasped like. the sheer terror and paranoia? that happened during the aids epidemic before..... thats my lack of contemp history knowledge but it was good i learned a lot. liked the theme of sort of surviving through tragedy and even after.. and the line drawn between the lost generation (war) and yales own exp (EDIT: found sth i wrote after reading the book which said "people are living their own intricate and mundane stories and then the stories of the world smash straight through them")

assassin of reality (vita nostra sequel): sasha knows what she will become--has embraced it, even. but theres always something that can be lost, and the institute still has a heavy hand over her.<or sth like that??? the reveals of the last book kind of make it a hard act to follow and the book definitely felt a lot more abstract... ik some people complained about the romantic subplots but i feel like it gives stakes and grounds everything else, yk? it gives you a thread to hold onto otherwise i mightve given up LMFAO that being said i did enjoy it :3 wondering if what happened to the authors will change the vibe of the next book... :(

you exist too much by zaina arafat: literary fiction about a bisexual palestinian american woman who struggles with her addiction to unattainable love, which has led her to cheat in several relationships. this book didnt really resonate with me.. um i actually ended up writing like 500 words of review for this but its pretty negative. so if youre interested check it out here https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/970847361775591466/1147613251933306921/image.png

movies/tv: room with a view: a young english girl travels to italy and finds love there--but has to choose between that love and a 'proper' life. ok this was fine. idk it was cute and funny sometimes but didnt leave that much of an impression sorry :T

past lives: two childhood friends reconnect, lose touch, then reconnect again. aughjjj those two silent minutes where they were waiting for her ride were so freaking agonizing. really good acting pretty film i just enjoyed it a lot in general! :3 i didnt like the boyfriend that much at first but the conversation they had in bed made them feel like a real relationship, you know? wish theyd had a 3some though maybe it will happen in past lives 2: paster life. idk its like most of the time we dont grow up to be who we thought wed be or do what we thought wed do... but is that really so bad? cant you still be happy? *clutches my head

nimona (movie): adaptation of the comic above! um this was fine i think i was a little disappointed bc the jokes felt a little overplayed/didnt really land? and i was mentally comparing it to the comic but then rereading i was like oh these jokes dont really hit for me either.. so who am i comparing this to LOL i think it would have meant a lot to me in middle school, so maybe it will mean something to middle schoolers now. also ppl fought really hard for it to be made so i feel like i need to give it more credit. my mutuals meta also made me appreciate it more :3 https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/687877902200471552/1126752893312184390/image.png barbie movie: not going to recap the barbie movie sorry. i actually watched this twice it was really fun :3 i wouldnt necessarily say it was a Cultural Milestone or anything but it was cute to see everyone dressed up for the movie.. plus i love velveteen rabbit type storylines. i think ken got the right amount of screentime (its not his movie!) but i loved his dance number and the battle scene :3 and the outfitss idk im not super caught up on the movie scene but it feels like there have been a lot of ugly movies recently. i enjoyed it

the rehearsal: a "reality" show about nathan fielder, who believes that any difficult situation can be rehearsed--and has the budget to put that belief into practice. ok like last year or sth everyone was like omg this show was sooo good but i didnt really get what it was about? but its actually really so interesting.. and the whole blurring between fiction and reality as well as the audience not really knowing which parts are staged and which parts are 'real' is so fun! i was a little bit disappointed when it diverged from the episodic format but that ended up paying off bigtime and was really like idk heartbreaking and funny and all of that. very recommend 👍

video games:

super mario odyssey: (replay)super fucking mario yay!!! in the long run, odyssey didnt have as much like. cultural staying power as botw did (they were both switch launch titles) but its still soooo imaginative and pretty and dense! i love platformers love 2 run and jump.

visual media: he was my brother: psych horror manga about a young girl who tries to grow closer to her recently-deceased brother's partner. omg i had so much fun with this the art is so atmospheric and delightfully creepy...REALLY mind the warnings though. i think i ended up reading all of it in one sitting lmfao

nimona comic (reread): classic villain ballister blackheart is looking for a competent sidekick, but what he gets is nimona, a shapeshifting weirdo kid with secrets. i remember trying to reread this and going wow.... is nimona not as good as i remember? am i old? but it was actually just like early webcomic weirdness nimona is still pretty good! yay :3 i still like the comic better but i respect how they are adapted to their respective mediums and also come from different phases in the og authors life

The story of how I came to know my favourite announcer has a side to her I would have never imagined: oneshot f/f w the premise in the title. whether i write down stuff like this is pretty hit or miss lol and i had to look this one up to rmbr what it was but the art is so cute...simple plot but i enjoyed it :3

crossplay love otaku x punk: romcom where two highschoolers fall in love with the other's crossdressing alter ego (m/m?). i really liked this one actuallyyy its so silly and im also a sucker for love square shenanigans. ok also now that someone else said they think hana/shuumei is endgame so im thinking about it. not the right perspective for this but the crossdressing isnt really overly fetishized or like seen as bad or anything? also ppl make some really funny faces in this

breathless momentum (vol 2+3): r two womanizing musicians find love... in each other!? this is also another one of my favorites :3 the leads are so fun and also music yay music! i really appreciate when a romance is still able to present an interesting story even after the couple has gotten together..

damekoi r: sequel to "please love this useless me," (damekoi is like.. useless passion? i think) which is about a woman in her 30s who spends all her money on her college boyfriend and goes into debt and falls in with her shitty former boss. omg it was soooo cute like i already said its a romance set after the main couple has already gotten together. which is my favorite. but these guys are really fucking weird so they still have a lot of problems. having Another Man who fits michikos type and isnt totally evil come in to destabilize shibata and kurosawas relationship doesnt feel cheap bc their relationship is already not very stable? lol i think the first one is worth checking out if you love pathetic women

mr villains day off: a gag manga about an alien supervillain on his days off. ok this one is pretty much just centered around this fluffy guy who likes to look at pandas but its extremely not very deep but its very cute... i like it... i also like pandas

how do we relationship/so do you want to go out, or (reread): f/f slice of life/drama manga about a girls first lesbian relationship in college. ok this is like "the" yuri manga for me i would recommend it to any fans of femslash its like sort of very realistic feeling? in the way that a relationship can sort of degrade slowly through lack of communication and being different people i think its really great 👍

ichinose familys seven deadly sins: psychological drama. an entire family wakes up with amnesia from a car crash. they dont remember themselves or each other, but pledge to stay together and relearn how to be a family and try to find their memories again. but is it really worth digging up the past...? man this one really goes off the rails. but like in a fun way? has an interesting arc going on rn about like... what allowances do we give, what are we willing to forgive in a stranger vs a family member. pretty interesting!

oshi no ko (catchup): psych thriller about the twin children of a famous idol trying to deal with the legacy she leaves behind. ive been talking about this manga for a while to my friends lol its kind of like riverdale in that its sort of very good, sort of very bad--but overall just super engrossing! which makes sense in a way bc its about the entertainment industry but also about the relationship between an idol and their fan... um not so sure about recent developments though lol. a little bit scared to see where things go

blue period (catchup): a delinquent boy used to going with the flow decides to go to the top art school in japan. yeah blue period is really good. hope this helps 👍lets all never go to art school ever ok ^_^

still sick: f/f about an office lady who finds out her coworker writes and sells yuri doujins (like illustrated fanfiction?) on the side. its a classic! was nice to finally get around to finishing it :3

liar satsuki can see death: thriller about a girl who can see peoples deaths and tries to prevent them--except everyone thinks shes just a liar. ok this is notable bc it has the exact same like adventures and gaybait as shounen but its all girls instead. its good light entertainment! sometimes is um kind of horny for sth about high school girls so ymmv on that one

farming for love: m/m romance about a pharmacist who moves to the country after a bad breakup and meets a ~strong but silent farmer~. pretty average, but fun if youre into that kind of thing! not sure if i would really recommend it lol

chainsaw man 2: set after the events of chainsaw man proper, its an action shounen focusing on asa mitaka, a girl who kinda sucks :3 chainsaw man is so fun yayyy im happy to be reading it again excited to get hit by some more bricks! asa is a wonderful protagonist and fujimoto continues to write comitragedy (?) in a way thats kinda obscene but also very cool 👍rip single father denji

skip and loafer (comic): slice of life about an ambitious but awkward girl who comes from the country to start her high school life in tokyo!!!! and some guy i guess. omg ok this is like the slice of life manga for me rn (the anime is really good! finished recently check it out) its just really warm and nice. autistic girls win always lol truly a comic that makes you feel like there is love in the world

no home: webtoon drama about two guys who are trapped together in a haunted dorm. ok this comic makes me really depressed but its also about people who make each other better despite their best efforts. and also violence and hatred its really really good 👍sad about recent updates though.. i guess maybe the characters werent really meant to be friends in the long term

this took me like two weeks to write and now im in a different state LOL so um if you got to the end...thanks for reading!

[cerenemuxse]

So i finally watched BWBA (Season 24)

My very useless review of BWBA Season 24

Please make your own opinions. Don't be like me (way before this) and base yours off of everyone's else. That's why I put useless, because it is if you hadn't made your own.

Surprisingly, this season was in plain sight, as well as other T&F seasons.

Emily's Best Friend

I hated it. I still hate. Sorry, but the 2-12 interaction could not save it. I still love that moment though. To me, Emily is OOC.

Thomas' Fuzzy Friend

Wholesome filler episode with a ref to Thomas the Babysitter, which is one of my all-time favorites. I love it.

The Great Little Engine Show

Eh- i like the mention of the model engines. Don't have anything against it but it doesn't stick out. .3.

Thomas and the Forest Engines

I like it. :D I like the storyline about why certain engines are allocated to certain places.

Emily to the Rescue

Peak Emily moment. I love it but why did it take so long for her to get her number??? 😭 Oh, well. I still love it.

I love that bring out her caring aspect. It's like her intro episode. (I finally watched it and MAN, i wish I got that Emily growing up 😭 she just came off as a bossy big sister /neg)

Shankar's Makeover

Shankar's like me. /srs I like this episode for addressing situations like this. Stage fright, not wanting attention, and being someone who keeps to themself. Nice episode.

Nia and the Unfriendly Elephant

The references are nice. I love Nia's love for animals and her assignment to the park. Before, her job wasn't permanent. Also, Belle is here. I love her. I love them. I like it. :]

Until I watch all of Nia's episodes, I won't be commenting on how she supposedly repeats learning things from Kenya all the damn time.

However, I do have a problem with the argument being made. It feels like it dimisses that different cultures interact like this most of the time, bringing up the ways they handle certain situations. From my expierence, i hear where these differences come from all the time, even if I know the person well enough.

I just don't see the problem with Nia bringing up how things different are between her old home and Sodor. It feels relatable, despite the fact that I'm Hispanic (Mexican), and it makes sense.

James the Super Engine

I ADORE THIS EPISODE. I've talked about it before but in short, I love how James is portrayed. Could've EASILY written him as a hero who gave up and didn't bother checking up on Rebecca when she yelled for help. But no, they went the right way. James IS caring but considering the environment he's had to work in for so many years, you can see why he doesn't show it. But here, HE DOES.

And when he realizes that Rebecca is in trouble? Its his normal voice, whereas before, it was his superhero voice.

My honest reaction whenever i watch it:

Thomas' Not-So-Lucky Day

Eh- I think the lesson is pretty good about getting those good things by thinking positively and working towards them instead of letting luck be the decision maker.

Ace's Brave Jump

I dont care.

Nia's Bright Idea

W Nia for being resourceful and bringing things together. I like it.

Cleo's First Snow

I like it.

Sonny's Second Chance

I like it.

Thomas and the Inventor's Workshop

I dont care for Ruth but I like it. Its decent.

The Inventor's Bridge

That bridge is going to fall over but there's probably physics that I don't understand that makes it make sense. At the end though, i could care less.

Yong Bao and the Tiger

I've seen it before.

I initially didn't like it due to the dynamics of the story. Like why is a massive engine like Yong Bao shunting in the yard?

However, i like it more now. I can dismiss the dynamic.

Gordon and Rebecca, Coming Through!

I've talked about it before. Its confusing, especially with its placement. Would've worked better as the episode following 'Confusion Without Delay".

Despite this, i like their dynamic.

Gordon's behavior is tiresome. I usually ignore it but i've seen enough of CGI TTTE that im getting sick and tired out of it. I've heard that his character growth was forgotten but i havent seen enough to have a say.

Kenji on the Rails

Mixed feelings on this one because Hiro's leaving. :( Stop writing off my favorite characters.

In my second, I noticed Hiro's "konnichiwa" and got thrown off completely. Odd how they're JUST now bringing out Hiro's first language. I don't remember seeing this brought out before BWBA.

Not really a review because of that. I'm sour about it.

Cleo the Road Engine

Ah, the intro episode. I thought it was in season 23. Its just Thomas and Bertie rewritten but Cleo is avoiding her jobs. No, it somehow didn't destroy my liking to her.

Thomas' Animal Friends

I think its cute but Thomas would've straight up ignored Gordon.

Overall impression: Not as shitty as its made to be. It has its good moments and bad moments.

I'm so glad that I wasn't bombarded with fantasy sequences with this one. Those are just plain ridiculous, for the most part. In some episodes, it fits like James the Super Engine and Thomas' Animal Friends. The one in Emily's Best Friend made me cringe but I enjoyed it because its Edwad and Emily.

Listen, I'm desperate for 2-12 content, man, and I've been ignoring model era for a good while because I just dont want to.

Uh, that's it.

[with-love-from-hell]

To be Proud

Pairing: Lucifer x Storm

Written for my Mc (Storm, she/her)

Cw: perfectionism, OCD, mention of eating disorder (restricting), low self-esteem, negative self-talk, swearing, not proof read at all and I wrote this on mobile so probably lots of grammar errors

A/n: im in my feelings tonight, yall. This needed to come out based off a chat in which Lucifer that i got tonight where he said he's proud of you and it shot me in the heart and I cried for like an hour so enjoy this very self-indulgent ficlet that comes from a very wounded place.

"...to say the very least, the human exchange student is outperforming many others in my class this semester, even beating out both Asmodeus and Leviathan in terms of marks."

The professor tapped his pen on his desk as Lucifer reviewed Storm's work from the first half of the winter quarter. Her first two quarters in devildom were outstanding, so Lucifer was surprised when he found out she was receiving lower marks in applied potions when she normally got all As in her classes. Whats more, Storm was running herself into the ground studying day in and day out to try to improve the grade, only to break down when she only managed to move her class GPA up .03%. He was more concerned about her wellbeing than the damned grade, but she wouldn't even spare a moment to talk with him about it. The perfectionism he saw within her was all too familiar to him, though. So he let her be until he found out she was skipping meals again- a trait that would rear its ugly head during extreme stress, or when she was feeling poorly about her body- but usually both occurred in tandem.

"I appreciate your words of approval for the exchange program and for Storm, but why call me in here if only to give accolade?" Lucifer raised an eyebrow, not seeing the logic the professor was making.

The professor sighed, leaning forward. "Lucifer, my expectations of the human were very low when she entered my class. I've had demons who've retaken this class upwards of 5 times. This class is difficult for even an intelligent demon, and you did not disappoint me by referring Miss Storm to this course. She's a wonderful student, and very quick to pick up on things, and it shows in her work."

Lucifer crossed his arms, irritated that the professor seemed to be dancing around the point. "If her grade is not indicative of failure, what seems to be the problem?"

The professor leaned back in his chair. "The problem is the way she is interpreting my scoring. It appears as if she is used to a normal A-F grading scale, which I don't blame her for. But my class is rated a bit differently, where 75% or more correct on an exam is seen as an 'A", and anything below 45% is failing. This course is rigorous, and I adjust my grading to account for that. Her getting 70% on the last exam put her in the range of a 'B', not close to failing like she thinks."

"So...it is the way in which she interprets the grades..." Lucifer nodded, understanding what he has now meant. "And she will not be aware of a letter until transcripts are distributed."

"Precisely." The professor stood, pacing in front of the black board. "And I worry for health due to this striving for perfection, which is not possible in my class despite how well she is doing. Just yesterday she nearly collapsed while standing up to hand in an assignment."

Lucifer nodded. "I have been aware of this and have been trying to find a way to approach her, but that is indeed alarming. Thank you for telling me."

"I called you here because I need you to relay this information to her for me." The professor sighed, dusting off some remaining chalk from the corner of the board. "I fear she thinks I think ill of her, which is why she refused my invitation to meet with me herself."

Lucifer stood, extending his hand toward the professor. "I will make her aware, and do my best to ensure her health is prioritized."

The professor shook his hand firmly. "Please tell her to take the next day or two to rest. I will excuse her from those assignments, she needn't worry about them."

Lucifer thanked the professor and hurriedly left RAD to return home. He kicked himself for not forcing confrontation earlier, but he knew how sensitive she was to direct conflict, even if she would be better for it. On the way home, he stopped to pick up some bufo egg soup- one of Storm's favorite dishes in the Devildom, and then continued on his path home. Once there, he immediately went to her room, silencing all of his brothers bombarding him with complaints along the way with promises of severe punishment should they not remain quiet the remainder of the evening.

"Storm?" Lucifer knocked delicately on her door, carefuk not to make too loud of a sound to startle her. Behind her door, he could hear soft indie music playing, and could see the flickering of candle light underneath her door. When she didn't respond to a few attempts at getting her attention, Lucifer allowed himself entry, closing the door silently behind him.

The room was dark spare for a few candles and incense burning, their flames casting intricate shadows on the wall. Storm lay on her bed, body trembling with her back facing him. She was awake, and knew he had entered her room, for the moment he called to her, she pulled a blanket up to cover her face.

Lucifer set the bag of food on her desk and removed his shoes and coat. Carefully, he slid underneath the covers next to her, wrapping his arms around Storm's midsection. He felt her body tighten for a moment, before an intense release of woe that she appeared to have been holding in. Her sobs were violent and intense as she curled in on herself.

Lucifer pulled her tighter against him, tracing his thumb over her belly as she cried. He hushed her, reminding her that he was here to support and care for her, so long as she would allow him to be. Featherlite kisses were trailed against her exposed shoulder and neck between the words of reassurance, reminding Storm that he loved and cherished her so much despite the intense emotion she was feeling.

After what felt like hours, Storm finally calmed down enough to turn her attention to him, but refused to look into his eyes. Lucifer kissed away the lingering tears that rolled down her cheeks before speaking, ensuring that all his attention was on her.

"Storm, darling. What has you so upset?" He cooed, rubbing her shoulders gently.

"Applied potions..." she murmured quietly, her voice unstable. "I just can't seem to do anything in that class right. I try so fucking hard, but no matter how hard or how long I study, I always seem to..."

Her voice trailed off as her lip began to tremble, more tears falling down her cheeks. She rolled onto her back, trying not to let Lucifer see how broken she felt.

"My love, there's no need to beat yourself up over what is actually a decent grade." Lucifer reached for her hand. "You are not a failure just because you can't get 101% in this class."

Storm snatched her hand away, hugging herself tightly. Her volume increased, though the stability of her voice continued to waiver. "Yes! Yes it does! I like to think im smart, but this proves that I'm really not. Maybe I've just somehow convinced people that I am by getting lucky enough, but-"

"Storm." Lucifer sat up, pressing a hand firmly to her shoulder. "None of what you just said reflects the truth."

Storm shrugged, hugging herself tighter. "You're so intelligent, elegant, and just...perfect...Why do you even want to be with me? What is there to like about some stupid, worthless human? How...how can I compare next to you?"

Lucifer felt his heart sink as storm burst into another fit of sobs. He knew she had low self esteem when he had asked her to be his mate, but he didn't consider she felt this poorly about herself.

He swiftly adjusted himself so he could lift her into his lap, hugging her tightly and cradling her head against his neck. He hushed her as she cried, feeling the weight of her tears hang heavy in the air. He rubbed her back gently, trying to come up with the words to say to ease her hurt.

"Storm..." Lucifer pulled away slightly, trying to look into her eyes. "From my perspective, you are the one who is perfect. I see a lot of myself in you, thats true. But you're worth isn't dependant on how well you can mimic my strengths. You have your own- some that I can hardly stand to compete with."

"Like what?" Storm mumbled into his chest, unconvinced by his words.

Lucifer cupped her cheek in his palm, turning her head up to face him. "Well, for starters, you are undoubtedly the kindest individual I have ever known, and your bravery is comparable to those in heroic novels."

Storm tried to look away, but Lucifer tugged her cheek back to place. "Second, I have never seen anyone more beautiful in my entire life. You may not be able to see it within yourself, but my heart skips a beat every time I look at you- from your ocean eyes, to your firelit hair, to the curve of your hips where my hand fits perfectly..."

Storm felt her face heat up as Lucifer's fingers trailed each of the listed physical attributes he enjoyed about her. Eventually, he stopped at her hand, curling his fingers over hers and holding it against his chest.

"Aside from the list that could go on, should it be warranted for me to, the most important thing is how I feel about you. If you were truly worth nothing, do you think you would make my heart feel so heavy when you're burdened with sorrow? Or make it skip rapidly when you're excited about something? Or make it burn hotter than the flames of the deepest layer of hell when you're not by my side?"

Lucifer tilted her chin up to his, pausing his lips so they grazed against her. "No matter how many lifetimes we span, three facts will remain true. One, is that I love you- with my entire mind, body, and soul."

He paused, kissing her tenderly. He pulled away slightly, just so his lips grazed hers again. "Two, is that you mean more to me than you will ever know, and getting less than 100% on a stupid test won't change that."

He placed a quick peck on her lips, ready to get to what he was most eager to relay to her. "Three, is that I already am so, so proud of you. You don't need to do anything other than be who you are to earn that."

Storm felt tears well up in her eyes as he placed another tender kiss on her lips. After pulling away, she nearly tackled him off the bed in a tight hug, crying into the crook of his neck. This time, though, it didn't feel like tears of woe...it was more like tears of gratitude and deep admiration.

"T-thank you, Lu." She stammered into his collar, sniffling back more tears. "I love you... so much."

Lucifer kissed the top of her head, running his hand delicately through her hair. "And I you. Always."

[txtaetertots]

hellooo all~

i've been feeling kinda icky since last night and i don't feel comfortable updating my au just yet until i address this myself. i hope you don't mind.. and also anyone who didn't know about this i hope you don't get turned off from my aus over this 😭

i've already sent fairybinie a dm about it but i feel like i owe it to their followers to address it to them personally as well because i'm aware they're keeping tabs on me and my smau. i had a feeling that ask i received about my inspiration was a little weird bc people don't normally ask that especially in that manner. thought i was just overthinking it and just brushed it off. but it got the best of me and after some digging i found kdt as well as the asks and comments on fairybinie's blog about me and my smau.

i understand their followers believe my au is plagiarizing fairybinie's au kiss don't tell. and i can totally see how you could assume that given that our synopses are practically identical aside from a few key plot points. same general idea though with the whole hs drama club aspect. and i can assure you that i did not intentionally steal fairybinie's idea. i promise you this was entirely my original idea. it's just a really crazy coincidence i guess.

this idea has been in my drive since 2021. the original idea was slightly different to what i have now but it's still the same main concept. that was last modified a year ago in may 2022. here's a screenshot of the doc details as well as the general idea i had for the fic!

then, january 2023, i revisted the document and drafted the current version in my notes app. i was going to post in january but i was very busy with school so i decided to postpone it until summer when i could ensure i had more time. which is also why a majority of my character profiles list their creation date as january 2023 since.. that's when i created them.. :')

i don't prefer to seek inspiration from reading other people's works (but now i'm thinking i should at least review some when i do get an idea so i can avoid this again bc wow big oof on my end). i usually get it from consuming big media like tv, films, music, etc. which is how i got this idea. i watched movies like hairspray and grease which influenced how the current version of my au came to be.

again. i'm truly so sorry that i've caused so many of you to worry. that was never my intention and i'm sorry it appeared to be that way. and i don't blame any of you for reacting and moving the way you did! it was totally valid and fairybinie is very lucky to have people who care so deeply about their work and efforts. but i hope you accept my explanation and apology or at least understand where im coming from and believe me.

hopefully this doesn't deter anyone from giving my works a chance or continuing to read hopelessly devoted tho.. i was really looking forward to sharing my ideas with you guys but i feel like my name has already been tainted without having a proper chance to even create a name for myself yet 💀 sorrows sorrows

i will be updating my au again soon. had a bit of writers block bc i just could not get this issue out of my head. it felt wrong trying to update and ignore the issue when i know there are people watching me like a hawk with negative connotations. pls don't be mad.. 🥲

((if you don't want to continue reading hopelessly devoted tho i totally understand i mean this isn't the greatest image i've got going on right now but thank you at least for giving me a chance!))