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bluedalahorse · 8 months ago

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The Saraugust tag on AO3 and other thoughts

I track saraugust on AO3. I know I talk about what their fanfic landscape looks like a lot, so I wanted to mention the actual numbers. There are about 90 fics tagged Sara Eriksson/August Horn of Årnäs on AO3, in a fandom that’s currently sitting at about 5000 works. Of those 90 fics:

The vast majority of them are fics focused on another pairing, with summaries that hint of Sara/August comes up it’s because it’s mentioned, and not a developed subplot.

Of the ones focused on another pairing, handful of these focus on another pairing including either Sara or August (e.g. Sara/Felice or August/Vincent) and include Sara/August because it’s part of the backstory. Fair enough!

Some of the fics that do include Sara/August include it just to sink it or make it tragic. (Admittedly this includes two of my own fics; I have a goal of writing them with a more hopeful ending in the future but we’re not there yet until we finish grad school. And I’m a slut for tragedy so I can deal with a tragic take on their relationship. That said, I have also discovered mean-spirited fic among the stuff that purports to be tragic, which I feel less good about.)

A small number of fics include a kink that is Not My Kink enough that it’s a squick for me. While I’m a firm believer in trying almost anything, I feel the polite thing to do with squicks is to salute the author from afar but also not read the fic myself. YKINMKATO, as we used to say in the old days.

The remaining handful of Sara/August fics are fics I have already read or written.

So when I call sargust or saraugust a rarepair, I promise I’m not just being dramatic and whiny. I mean I am a bit, but ;) I know there are pairs that are rarer, that don’t actually get canon screentime. I probably can’t complain too much, because my imagination is active enough that I write fics for the characters in my head, and those would also be written to my tastes. So you know, I manage.

On a pure level of fandom sociology, relatively independent of my own feelings, this fascinates me. I had initially assumed that Sara and August would pick up some kind of organized following after season 2. They kind of fit an archetype that a portion of fandom kids go wild for (the reylo/darklina/delena/chair/dramione/zutara/hopefully you know what I mean by now archetype) but they also kind of… don’t fit that at all? I didn’t expect (or want!) anything that pervasive and juggernaut-ish, goodness no, but given the sort of “nostalgic for livejournal era fandom” quality of YR’s writing and its appeal to people of many ages, I thought Sara and August might pick up some “I shipped [whatever pairing] back in the day and this made me nostalgic for it but I also want to think a little more deeply about it than I did in the past” fans. I figure Wilhelm and Simon were picking up those kinds of fans, too—the way they are written also makes me nostalgic for a certain era of fanfiction, and part of what I like about wilmon is that chance to feel nostalgic but also to reflect on some of the power dynamics at hand. Especially after season 3, I see both ships as ones I approach with my critical lenses nearby.

Anyway. The show is making commentary on and deconstructing the notion of a bad boy crush (that has to be true, given August’s “award” at third year dinner and how much he wants to reject it) but it’s also leaning into the earnestness of Sara’s feelings. Lisa’s approach to writing that fascinated me and drew me in—it felt so much more raw and honest than leaning into a bad boy fantasy entirely without questioning it, or on the other side of things, rolling one’s eyes at the fantasy and saying “of course we’re too enlightened for this, unlike the Other Girls.” I never really had a full-on reylo/darklina/delena/chair/dramione/zutara/whatever era growing up—well, ok, I was into Devil’s Minion back before it was cool and the Vampire Chronicles was only books, maybe that counts even though it’s m/m? Maybe reading Jane Eyre counts? Idk. I am not like the other girls but I am exactly like the other girls. We are both at once.

But maybe, Sara and August are also sort of sitting in this uncanny valley, and that uncanny valley puts a lot of people off. I love that about them and I’ve built myself a house here and been very comfortable, but one day I poked my head outside the window and gone, “my goodness! We sure are in an uncanny valley. Why do I have so few neighbors?”

And I also can’t ignore the bullying anon (and not anon) comments I’ve seen out there in the internet wild, and the role they play in discouraging people from writing fic/making edits/etc. The general consensus is that YR fandom is very nice and I have seen that, but I have also seen times when it isn’t. In any fandom, there are outside forces that shape AO3 numbers.

Incidentally, bestie @coruscantrhapsody and I have discussed it a lot. She is in Star Wars fandom and is a huge Anidala shipper, and sees some similar trends in the Anidala tag. There’s more fics there of course, because Star Wars is a much much bigger fandom, but proportion-wise, she sees similar trends in that Anidala will be tagged in a lot of fics but will not actually feature. (Many of the fics are Codywan or maybe Obikin or something.) Plus there is also a fair amount of discourse (TM) around like, being an Anidala shipper means you’re somehow brainwashed by hetero trad patriarchy or something.

(Why do we always assume that shipping an m/f pairing makes you brainwashed by the heterosexual patriarchy? I’m queer, about 80% of the art I like is queer queer queer—that’s how I found YR after all—god forbid the pairing my brain fixates on in that show is m/f! I’m not going to call them straight because hey, do we really know that? We don’t.)

Anyway. I’m thinking about all this today because today marks the beginning of my graduate school work, and outside of Heart and Homeland there will be no more work on fics until mid January. I’m hoping I’ll be able to pick up my saraugust fics again, so I can at least put my money where my mouth is and write what I want to read, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to do that for sure, and I’m also not sure if I have more than one fic in me. And that… kind of makes me a little bit sad. So I just wanted to acknowledge that I’m feeling sad about the fics I’ll probably only get to daydream about and never write, and about other fics by other people that I would have loved to read but were probably never written for whatever reason.

So that’s where we are. I’ve made this post unrebloggable and untagged because I don’t want a Big Fandom Discussion or discourse about it. I don’t mind replies and people sharing their thoughts though, as long as:

You don’t tell me you’re sorry I don’t have more fanfic to my liking. I mostly say this because people have very kindly said sorry, and I very much do appreciate the sympathy most days. But today I don’t think I need sympathy so much as willingness to sit with me and analyze what’s going on. I’m in analysis place.

You don’t say something reductive along the lines of “Well actually August sucks!” Because yeah, yeah he does, quite a lot. I am up for discussion of his flaws in a nuanced way but the absolute flattening of him to villainspace is not something I wanna do today either. Fandom also has a time-honored tradition of meaningfully engaging with characters who suck. Writers have a time-honored tradition of meaningfully engaging with characters who suck. It’s one of the things that we do! You know, as people.

So anyway those are my thoughts. Thank you for reading this far! Would appreciate the thoughts of others who are up for it.

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khneltea · 4 years ago

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FRIENDLY REMINDER TO ALL IN THE MARIBAT FANDOM

edit (22.03.09): thanks @izanae for mentioning that this ALSO APPLIES TO AO3

please, when tagging your creations and works, do not use #(insert first name) wayne, #marinette dupain cheng, #miraculous ladybug #dc comics/universe #(insert dc/miraculous ladybug character) solely without the implication of a crossover because this is what gets maribat onto feed recommendations of antis and we don't want fighting. here is a list of acceptable tags to use, examples of such, and some implications of these. my tags are going to feature some of the acceptable tags to use

# maribat(insert character name)

# maribatdamian wayne

# maribatmarinettedupaincheng

# maribatjasontodd

# maribatlukacouffaine

edit: thanks @legends-live-in-memories for the tip and heads up! so updated version because tumblr has shitty search engines and tagging stuff, it's better for any mention of characters to have no space because if they have spaces, it includes keywords instead of solely the tag so yeah. this also applies with character x character, do it like characterxcharacter

# maribat

# maribat (whatever)

# maribat quotes

# maribat prompts

# maribat headcanon

# incorrect maribat

# incorrect maribat quotes

# maribat recs

# maribat recommendations

# dc comics x miraculous / miraculous ladybug

# dcxml

# mlxdc

# mlbxdc

# dcxmlb

# dc crossover

# ml crossover

# (crossover* ship names)

# daminette

# jasonette

# shutterbug

*note the word crossover in this statement. any other word or phrase that is in italics also applies this note. while you are still using the correct ship names and pairings, the whole point of using these specific tags is to avoid and have decent respect for people who genuinely do not enjoy this ship (which they are entitled to). when you are mentioning ships that are only related to one specific fandom (e.g. adrienette, djwifi, damijon, nightfire), either add 'maribat' before or after the ship name

# (character) x (character)*

# damianwaynexmarinettedupaincheng

# jasonxmarinette

# timxchloe

# maribatadrienxmarinette

# (insert ramble about maribat or your concept/idea/ff/drabble/hc)

# who the hell asked for timari # actually no one did i just really wanted to write about it # y'all can fight me meet me in the mosh pit # platonic daminette isn't written about nearly enough without them being siblings # daminette can be platonic too stfu

to be honest, i just inserted this because i love looking at the tags some people write underneath their actual fic

# (insert vague tag in relation to this fic)

# romance

# coffee

# soulmate au

# salt

ok look now i know i said that the point was to stay out of the way of the antis and everything by using specific tags to not bother them but this one is public property. if they try to imply that we maribat content creators and fandom cannot use these types of tags without saying maribat then i guess they'll have to take it up with every. single. fucking. fandom. there. fucking. is.

hope this was helpful and please for the love of all things fandom follow this because i don't want another tumblr bloodbath

if you are a person in the maribat community, please spread this. if you are an anti, please spread this (look, mr/ms/mx anti, if you spread this post, people who follow you and are in the maribat fandom will hopefully stop posting this stuff on your feed so win for you, win for us). if you are a person in the dc universe fandom or the mlb universe fandom who just doesn't give a damn, please spread this. tag the people you know who are even remotely related to any of the topics i have just raised. get the word out so that we don't step on each other's toes.

also:

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kamino-blues · 4 years ago

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Hey, how you doing?

So, could you please write something we’re the reader is a princess who needs to be escort by The Bad Batch, but she is also a fan of them?

Thank you, and sorry if this is confusing 💕✨

I'm doing extremely well love thank you so much for asking! I'm sorry that this took so long & I hope that you enjoy!! I had a lot of fun writing this, hopefully I didn't stray to far from the prompt <3

Word Count: 2,746

Warnings: None 💖

As a princess of a Mid Rim planet, you were often required to attend banquets on the regular

Usually you would just attend these on your planet, as your parents preferred not to put you at risk by having you travel off world

So suddenly you found yourself swept up in getting prepared for one of your first trips off world

However, this next banquet was extremely important

It was only being held on Coruscant, as it was a chance to have royalty, senators, and Jedi interacting in one safe (-ish) venue

Due to you not traveling off world, that made you a huge target

There were many people who wanted you dead as your planet was important to the republic, and this was their opportune moment to do so

So it was decided by your parents that you would have to travel undercover, not accompanied by your royal guard or anything to give away that you were of royalty

Your kingdom had gotten in contact with the republic, trying to see if they could get you a safe passage to Coruscant

There were no squads available, but in a moment of luck, the royal guard stumbled upon Clone Force 99

They were on planet to refuel and restock on supplies

So your parents were contacted about this new piece of info, and after a call with the republic, Clone Force 99 suddenly had a new mission to do

They were informed that they would need to get you to coruscant, having to pass through a rogue checkpoint set up by enemies of your planet

As this was all going on, you were getting ready to leave for your first ever off planet banquet

You were excited, your home world was lovely but you had read about so many other planets

After your servants had helped you pack up what you needed for your trip (your actual items for the banquet were being sent on a different ship, you just had some spare changes of clothes and other necessities), You quickly got changed out of your royal garb into something much less conspicuous

Dressed in maroon leggings, black boots, a dark gray undershirt, and a black poncho, you felt completely different then how you usually dressed

You quickly tied your hair back into a bun, throwing the bag with your stuff over your shoulder as you walked to the main hall

You heard many voices, one in particular that was booming through the halls that you couldn’t put your finger on

You stepped into the main hall, stopping as you noticed five men standing with their backs to you

You recognized the armor right away, and let out a small gasp

In the past, the 212th has come to your kingdom to help and protect at banquets

You have had Commander Cody assigned to you personally a few times, and over the years you have become pretty close friends

As you were pretty sheltered from the war, you would always pester him to tell you stories about everything

At first he refused, but over time he started to open up and tell you the stories he had

It was interesting hearing about the 212th

But the stories that really stuck with you were the ones surrounding the clones who dubbed themselves ‘The Bad Batch’

The crazy antics, the fact that they just charge head-on into battle, it was nothing that you have ever heard of before

Especially compared to the clone troopers you knew, it was just so,, out of character

So needless to say you became a big fan (and Cody knew it)

The most recent time Cody had visited, he showed you a holovid of the batch fighting

You were completely and utterly awestruck by them

So seeing the men who donned the armor that you had seen in that holovid weeks ago made you completely stop in your tracks

You quickly take in a deep breath and made your presence known

Hunter

When Hunter turns around to see you, he was taken back by how pretty you are

He noticed your increased heart rate, at first he figured that it was because of the armor, but it didn't seem like you were scared?

He just mentally shrugged it off, raising an eyebrow under his helmet

He would then take the initiative and introduce himself and the Bad Batch to you

He carefully took his helmet off, giving you a small smirk as he walked towards you

Seeing his tattoo in person put you in a state of awe, he was gorgeous - Intimidating, but gorgeous

You would go to stand in front of him, giving a smile and sticking your hand out for him to shake

Throughout the entire trip, you were intrigued by Hunter

You thought that he would be a lot more intimidating, but he was honestly extremely laid back

He gave you a tour of the entire ship and made sure that you felt safe and comfortable before he gave the command to take off

When you had to go through the checkpoint, he had to leave you to talk with the guards, but when he could he would sneak glances back to make sure that you were ok

The checkpoint went smoother then expected, and Hunter was able to come back pretty quickly and sit by you on his bunk (he had allowed you to stay on it while you were being transported)

After a few hours on board, you finally mustered up the courage to ask him about his senses (you were dying of curiosity) - which deeply confused him since he had never mentioned them

You would then confess how you knew Cody and that he told you about them

He would chuckle, mumbling under his breath about how that explained why your heart rate went up before

Hunter would then put his hand on your shoulder teasingly, just so he could see how it would affect you

Of course it made your heart rate go up, which made him chuckle

He then went into explaining his senses, and mentioning how he could feel your heart rate

You were a blushing mess! Especially when you realized that he could tell how you were being affected by him

But the moment ended to quickly, him getting up to prepare for the landing on Coruscant

When you land, he would lead you out with his hand on your lower back, making sure you safely got off

And then when it was time to depart, he pulled you in for a hug, lowering his mouth to your ear

“Hopefully we’ll see you again sometime Mesh’la”

Wrecker

When he notices Hunter turn around in the throne room, he automatically follows suit, holding in a gasp when he first saw you

He could not get over how beautiful you are, living for how your outfit is matching the Batches color scheme

It took all of Wreckers self control to not yell out a greeting, realizing that you are royalty

But when Hunter introduced him to you, he automatically gave a wave and a hearty hello

Honestly it was so adorable, it caused you to grin and wave back (much to your parents dismay, you weren’t acting very princess-y)

When you shake his hand, you are absolutely baffled by how big his hand is compared to yours

Your were expecting to feel intimidated by him, but honestly you felt the complete opposite

Hunter led you on a tour of the ship, and Wrecker automatically tagged along, curious of you

He pointed out small items around the ship, introducing you to Gonky and showing off Lula

Lots of laughter came from him as you glanced curiously around the ship, not used to being on this type of transport

Wrecker definitely made you giggle, and made you feel safe as you crossed the checkpoint

He stayed back with you, pulling you behind him when the guards entered the ship

You had a light blush on your cheeks as you stood behind him, feeling completely and utterly safe in his presence

When the guard was off the ship, he quickly pulled you into a hug and spun you around, picking you off the ground

You let out a little squeal at this, never being picked up like this in your life before (but you really liked it)

He held you against him for a little longer, hesitant to let go

When you did, you gave him a wink, turning when Hunter came back from the cockpit

You left this man a blushing mess

When it was time for you to leave, he was visibly upset

You gave him a hug, and leaned up to give him a kiss on the cheek (to the best of your abilities, this man is tall)

You assured him that the Bad Batch would be your go to whenever you needed help with anything

Wrecker smiled brightly at this, quickly kissing you on the forehead and stepping away

While you were walking away, Wrecker brought his hand up to his face

“Have fun at the banquet!!!! Eat as much food as you can for me!!!”

Tech

Tech was fidgeting with his datapad when you arrived in the throne room, trying to figure out the schematics of the transport mission so that your parents would be reassured that you would be safe

He’s the last to turn around, when Hunter introduced him to you

Tech gave a small greeting, reaching out to shake your hand, then going automatically back to his datapad

You raised an eyebrow at this, but you weren’t bothered

Cody had told you about how Tech was always like this, focused on his work

You two didn’t interact again until you were on board of the Marauder, him piloting the ship

You sat down in the co-pilot's seat, staring out into space

This was one of a few times you got to see it in person, so you were amazed

Tech noticed this, and was honestly confused why you were so infatuated by something so simple

In fact, he was so confused, he decided to state that out loud

You described how you barely left your home world, for your safety according to your parents

He raised an eyebrow at that, but noticing how your eyes were flashing from every object you saw, he started giving you facts about what you were seeing

It was extremely comfortable, you were excited to be learning about concepts you had never seen until now, and Tech was excited to share facts with you

After a while, you asked him if he could tell you about different planets he had been to recently, and Tech happily obliged

When Hunter came into the cockpit to prepare for the checkpoint, you got up to excuse yourself

As you passed Tech's seat, he grabbed your wrist, squeezing it slightly and giving you a small smile, before pulling away

You replayed that moment in your mind for the rest of the evening

When the guards came into the ship, you weren’t able to see Tech

But in the cockpit he was bouncing his leg, flicking his eyes between the guards

When they left, he mentally let out a sigh of relief, piloting the ship towards Coruscant

Soon it was departure time, sadly not being able to see much of each other since of him being the designated pilot

He stood off to the side, and you quickly ran over to him

You pulled him into a hug, him tensing before wrapping his arms around you

As you pulled away, you noticed how he fixed his goggles, fidgeting slightly before he looked back up at you with a slight tint of color on his cheeks

“Thank you for listening to me”

Echo

You hadn’t seen Echo before, he wasn’t on the holovid that Cody had shown you

But as he took his helmet off to properly greet you in the throne room, you were in awe of him

He had a small smile on his face, reaching forth to grab your hand with his intact hand, and bowed his head slightly to you as you shook it

Echo seemed like a complete and utter sweetheart (and you were slightly mad at Cody for him never mentioning Echo to you)

When you were first boarding the Marauder, he offered to take your bag, and was overall being such a gentleman

You thanked him multiple times, and after you took a tour of the ship, you plopped down on one of the boxes in the main area

Echo was sat across from you, and gave you a small smile

He was honestly taken aback by you, he had worked with royalty before, but they had usually been extremely rude to him

So meeting someone so excited to be in his company made him slightly flustered

Crossing your legs, you looked up at Echo to ask him about himself- You let him know how you had known of the Bad Batch from Cody, and from that he quickly rubbed the back of his neck

He talked about how he had just recently joined them, and how his bsttalion often worked with Cody's in the past

That made your eyes widen, excited to meet a friend of your friend

You got up quickly to make your way closer to him, standing in front of him with your hand out with the intentions of having him shake

"Well hello Cody's friend, I'm also Cody's friend nice to meet you!"

He quickly grabbed it, letting out a chuckle and stood up, but he didn’t let go of your hand

You reached out with your other hand to hold onto his arm cybernetic, giving him a small smile

He was about to say something, before Tech yelled for Echo to join him in the cockpit as they were making their way to the checkpoint

Echo quickly squeezed your hand, before quickly moving away from you

The checkpoint went well, you were unable to see Echo during it though as he was sat in the co-pilot chair, fiddling with the ship (You honestly had no clue what he was doing, you weren’t that ship savvy)

He stayed up there until you all arrived at Coruscant, and as you were leaving he quickly grabbed your hand, pulling you towards his chest

Echo then pulled away, before handing you your bag, patting your hand as you gripped onto it

“Stay safe please, if you need anything comm me”

Crosshair

Crosshair was not that excited to be doing a transport job

They had done it a few times in the past, and the people have always been rude

But when Crosshair turned around, he mentally couldn’t avoid how beautiful he thought you are

He didn’t let it show though, giving you a small smirk as he shook your hand

“Nice to meet you princess”

You blushed automatically, stepping away from him and giving him a slight nod

You gave a quiet response, respectfully giving a slight bow

Crosshair could tell how he affected you with his words, and he decided that he was going to use it to his advantage

He could tell you weren't going to be like the other passengers they've had in the past, and it was only going to be for a day so why not mess around with royalty?

So when you tripped going the ramp of the Marauder and he caught you, he held onto you and leaned down to your ear

“You better be more careful princess, you wouldn’t want to damage that pretty look you got going”

Needless to say your face was bright red, and ran into the ship while his smirk widened

You could hear Hunter chastising Cross, and you let a small giggle out, holding your hand to your face

This is not how you thought your interactions with the sniper would go at all

You didn’t see him until the checkpoint happened, Cross joining Wrecker in protecting you by keeping you behind them

He didn’t say anything as the guards came on board, but he did move slightly back towards you

When the threat was over, he plopped down into his bunk, taking his gun kit out and started to clean it

Wrecker had stepped away to go and check on what was happening in the cockpit, making sure everything was good

You watched curiously, not saying as you both sat in silence

It was relaxing until he looked up at you and raised an eyebrow, not understanding why you were just staring at him

He figured he might as well continue messing with you, and sent you a wink

With your face bright red, you rolled your eyes and walked to the front of the ship away from him

Crosshair let out a chuckle at that

When it was time to leave the ship, you walked out behind him

Cross purposely stopped halfway down the ramp, forcing you to run into him

He turned around, feigning a look of surprise with his eyebrow raised, leaning his face near your ear

“I guess you are just drawn to me princess, sad I can’t join you at your fancy banquet”

#I had so much fun writing this #I spent a lot of time brainstorming since I had so many ideas #I made Crosshair super flirty lmao hi #Ask #Oh my gosh happy bad batch eve!!#Hunter x reader #Hunter #Wrecker x Reader #Wrecker #Tech x Reader #Tech #Echo x Reader #Echo #Crosshair x Reader #Crosshair #The Bad Batch #The Bad Batch x reader

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maliciouslycreative · 4 years ago

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How I played damage control to an anti in a small anime fandom and may have led to her ultimate downfall

I know I had a really nice write up of this at one point but oh well. I’ll spill more of the tea in this one because honestly the tea was so hot.

There are a few things that I have to give context to first. Gaia online was like THE mega forum of the 2000s, you made a little avatar and through posting and doing other activities on the forum you made money to buy clothes for your avatar. There were forums for everything but the fannish portions were really what drew in most of the people. The anime I was into was Beyblade. It was a shonen anime about fighting with tops that were possessed by the spirits of magical creatures. The story was honestly pretty average but the characters were fantastic and the fandom is to this day still one of my favourites. The series had a primarily male cast and didn’t even have a female lead until the second season. This led to the fanfic for the English fandom being about 70% canon/OC, 10 % canon m/f, and 20% slash. The most popular character in the English fandom was by far Kai Hiwatari, the loner badboy of the team.

Also before we get started I would like to add that one of my best friends was neck deep in this and the two of us were more or less fandom married. This is the same friend that I fake dated, had feelings for, and she nearly got me into kpop in 2011 so like if you haven’t read that story please read it too because it will give you a good idea of how stupid I am and how much of a fanfic I have truly lived.

To set the stage I was 16, soon to be 17 when I joined the fandom and it was 2004. In September of that year I wrote a humour longfic that became an absolute smash hit and I found myself somehow fandom famous. It was around this time that I joined Gaia online. I made my little avatar and immediately went looking for the beyblade thread so that I could make new friends. I found the main thread, made my little introduction and at the end of it mentioned that I was a slash writer but I supported all ships. This is where I met C. She had declared herself the authority on Beyblade in these parts and I had just committed the crime of mentioning slash which was very obviously not canon and we did not discuss in this thread because we only discussed canon things. I was like well that’s a bit severe but like sure whatever I just want to hang out and have fun.

Oh boy did I have no idea what I was in for.

C was a year older than me and unfortunately that made her older than the majority of the fans at the time. Her favourite character was Kai, and she was not shy about talking about this fact. She stanned Kai above all other characters, and often at their expense. She was also a fanfic writer of a popular canon/OC series. Actually, she was so full of herself that she didn’t even call herself a fanfic writer, no her stories were in fact novels and were apparently very good. I never read them. But more on that later.

Eventually the slash fans got tired of her being rude to us in the general thread so we made a Beyblade slash thread. There was a core of like 8 or so of us and we honestly had sooo much fun. When C would be too unbearable in the main thread the people from there used to come over to our thread and we’d chat with them about non slash stuff because we were honestly all multishippers and just wanted to have fun. We’d get comments like “wow, I’ve had more pleasant canon het ship discussions in the slash thread than the regular thread”. We never worried about C coming over and getting upset about comments like this because she refused to be associated with anything related with slash lmao.

I tried my best to keep the peace between C, myself, and the rest of the fandom because ultimately I hate being in fandom drama. I just want everyone to have a good time. I’m a people pleaser. Unfortunately my newfound fame put me in the awkward position of being the most fandom popular person in our small community aside from C. Virtually every fan that read fanfics that came into our thread knew one of us or the other by reputation and C HATED this. Especially because people would come in to the thread, recognise me and go “oh my goodness I love your fanfics!” and I’d be super sweet with them and it’d lead into “I can’t believe how nice you are, I love you” which would lead to us crying at each other. This was not the kind of fan interaction that C got, no her fans were more kind that were there to praise her and worship her like a deity that had blessed them with some gift. Rarely did they tell her how kind she was.

Back in the mid 2000s there were really commonly those commercials (usually by Christian organisations) asking people to sponsor say children in Africa or to help build schools or provide drinking water. You all probably know the ones; know the language that they used in those commercials. My fandom wife, who I suppose I shall call wifey because yes we were THAT couple back then, once said that C described her fics like those people described donating money to save the lives of Children in Africa. So we used to joke that her fics were so good they’d save lives in Africa. Looking back at it all, she almost had a very fundamentalist Christian approach to bringing people into her fanfics. She of course tried to get all the slash people into reading it. None of us read canon/oc fic mostly due to our poor treatment at the hands of their fans and creators. Getting fed up I one day told her that if she would read any one of my fanfics that I would read the entirety of her novels. Yes, I was willing to commit to read a couple 100k of canon/oc fanfic that I’d never touch normally if she would even read one of my 1k 1 shots. Heck, I had a fic even that shipped 2 minor characters so she didn’t even have to sully herself reading about one of the main characters. It was honestly a good deal in her favour. I kept this up until the day we all left the fandom. Sometimes I do wonder if her fics were even ¼ as good as she claimed, but I will never know because she refused to read my fics.

She wasn’t all bad and a tyrant all the time. As long as people kept the conversations on track and didn’t come in to the thread saying things like “KAI IS SO HOT ND T3H BEST N I AM GUN 2 MARRY HIM” she stayed mostly civil. It was always hilarious watching InuYahsa or Naruto fans try to come in and bad mouth Beyblade because they’d unleash the dragon and C was great at chasing off undesirables in the thread.

The real apex of goings on though on Gaia was the guild drama. So guilds were like exclusive themed mini forums within Gaia. Anyone could buy one and run it however they want, as long as it still adhered to Gaia’s ToS. C of course was the owner of the only Beyblade guild. The fandom wasn’t really big enough to support 2 guilds so we just kind of let it go. Technically she allowed people to post slash fanfics but like everything had to be explicitly tagged and there was absolutely no slash RP. Wifey and I controlled a handful of minor characters together in the forum RP and definitely used to try to push the boundaries a little bit. Some ambiguous flirting here, a stray comment there. It was such a fragile balance though because C was heavy on the ban button. The active portion of the guild was just people that were in the cult of C and worshipped her writing.

Understandably the other slash fans and myself were getting disheartened by this. So we pooled our funds together and decided that we’d open a second guild that though it was run by slash fans we would welcome anyone into our ranks. We just wanted to have a fun place for everyone to hang out, and to hopefully run a few events out of. In hindsight, we should have seen what would happen. When we opened the guild, with me as the guild leader, it was like somebody blew up the whole dam protecting the delicate ecosystem we had cultivated. Every single person in the Gaia fandom that was not a zealous follower of C applied to be in our guild and left her guild. We of course figured that we’d attract some of the gen population but we did not expect to accidentally poach all of it. All of the moderators were getting messages from people thanking us for giving them a place where they could say whatever they wanted without fear of getting their faces ripped off or banned.

C lost her shit. She was so mad that we went behind her back to ruin her guild. We literally had to show her posts in the very public slash thread that we had been planning this in public and that it was not to ruin her life. We just wanted a place where we could freely post slash. The two of us had some spicy comments back and forth and then she dropped an absolute bombshell on me. Since Gaia’s mail system is terrible I unfortunately no longer have exactly what she said but it was something along the lines of “Ok, you win. I’m going to close my guild.”. Us slash fans had never been doing this to win anything. We had never been competing. We just wanted a safe space to be ourselves.

C never joined our guild. The fandom slowly faded out within the next year anyway. We weren’t getting new content so naturally people just drifted into other fandoms. C kept up with the main Beyblade thread for a lot longer than most of us but eventually that eventually faded into obscurity too.

I learned a lot about fandom bullies from those days. But honestly the thing that stuck with me the most out of everything was that if you provide a positive safe space for people they will flock to it. It may seem like there are so many hostile people out there, but there really aren't. They're the minority but they just make sure that their voice is the loudest. The best way is to ignore them and just do your own thing. The bullies just want attention and if you don’t give it to them and prove to them that their opinion doesn’t matter to you then they’ll move in and find something else to yell at.

#malicious musings #stacey's adventures in fandom drama #lol #honestly it was such a fucking wild time #if i think of any other specific instances of drama i'll add them #god i wish i had screenshots of some of what went on #but sadly going through archived gaia posts is easier said than done

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momotimes · 4 years ago

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//LOKI EP 6 SPOILERS, SYLKI, LOKIUS, GENERAL DISCUSSION OF LOKI SHIPS, MENTIONS OF INCEST

sylki antis and lokius antis out there, please don't come for me. i am saying this from neutral ground, with as least bias as possible, as i myself am a lokius shipper. i apologize for any kind of negativity you read, i'm just really tired of seeing anti sylki and anti lokius posts filling the loki tag. i worked up a lot of courage to post this and i'm hoping there won't be any negativity towards it.

ok so episode six itself, despite what i have been seeing on tumblr, was honestly not that bad. the series, in my opinion, is a nice gateway into phase four and multiverse madness. it provides explanation about the multiverse, as much as that explanation has a couple of plot holes. we see a lot of character development in loki, especially the way he denied wanting the throne at the end, before sylvie's betrayal. loki went from wanting to rule the world to being willing to actually give up power. that's a huge leap for a character like him.

the only problem i really have with the finale is sylki. and the only problem i have with SYLKI is that it's pseudo-incest.

to clarify, i do not HATE sylki. i'm only uncomfortable with it. in fact, if things had been different, it would probably have been one of my otps. the banter that loki and sylvie share are great, and they both needed a person to support them through their trauma.

however, loki and sylvie, being variants of each other, have enough biological similarity that they could, at the very least, be siblings. THAT is the problem i have with the ship. not the fact that it's a straight relationship, though we'll get to that soon, but the fact that it's practically incest. many people that feel uncomfortable with sylki, i myself included, would be perfectly fine with the ship if sylvie was a different person, and not a loki variant.

as for the people out there saying that it's a perfect way to have loki love himself, that could have easily been achieved with sylvie and loki being PLATONICALLY in love with each other. nothing would have been taken away from the whole "loki's self-love journey" plot. and for the people saying that it's in character, it's really not. a lot of people use narcissism as a coping mechanism for self-hate- i would know, i do it often- and so does loki. loki uses illusions to hide his brokenness, like the scene in which he's in prison in asgard and he uses an illusion to hide his dirty state from thor. he doesn't actually love himself that much- he's gone through so much for that.

another slight discomfort i have with sylki is that marvel seems to create a romance between a man and a woman if they share any sort of screen time. i saw another post compare sylki with steve and sharon, which in my opinion, is perfect. steve and sharon as a pairing was unexpected and sort of gross, seeing as sharon is peggy's niece. they gave us almost no buildup to the kiss, either. but marvel made them kiss, merely because steve was a man and sharon was a woman.

this isn't really a discomfort or a problem i have with sylki, but marvel really did their representation poorly. loki was male presenting for the entire show, and sylvie was female presenting for the entire show. when faced with the possibility of a female version of themselves, the loki variants in the void were disgusted. that's not genderfluid representation. and marvel could have at least explored loki's bisexuality a little bit before the sylki kiss, rather then jump straight to it. this is queerbaiting on an entirely different level.

but that's enough about sylki- let's talk about lokius.

lokius, as a ship, has its merits. loki and mobius grow very close throughout the show, and their banter is just as witty and amusing as sylvie and loki's. i love this ship, and it's one of my comfort ships.

but lokius shippers and sylki antis alike are taking sylvie hate a little far. sylvie is a great character, and she has so many layers of complex emotional trauma from the years running from the tva. her not trusting he who remains(i think that was his title, i'm not calling him kang just yet) is completely in character- and also a defense mechanism. she's automatically suspicious of anyone because she's seen what people can do. you can't blame her for that.

i've also seen posts about how people just want a healthy platonic relationship between two characters for once without people shipping them, which i agree with- there are so little healthy friendships in the media, especially between men, that aren't shipped together. however, i do feel like there are reasons for that, which i could write a whole separate, long-ass post about, but won't cause this is not the place.

side note- i will not tolerate people who hate on sylki purely because it's not mlm like lokius therefore they can't sexualize it like lokius. y'all are nasty and need to reconsider things.

in any case, both sides of this ship war have things they need to consider about the people they're shipping, the ship they're supporting, and the things they're saying/actions they're taking to express their support for that ship. no one side is without fault.

hopefully this made sense, because i'm not going back to revise anything- my brain actually won't let me revise. if i write something, that's it, there's no fixing it unless i want to delete everything. so bear with me if nothing made sense :)

#loki #loki 2021 #loki tv show #loki laufeyson #mobius m mobius #sylvie laufeydottir #lokius #wowki #sylki #long post #please dont come at me i really tried to make my thoughts clear

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artichokedoesnttrustyou · 3 years ago

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The Grass was Soft and so was She.

Summary: Jack wants to experience what it means to be sexually active. Rowena is the first to say yes. Or Rowena shows Jack what a blow job is and he loves it.

Characters: Jack Kline, Rowena MacLeod, Sam Winchester (mentioned), and Dean Winchester (mentioned)

Ships: Jack Kline/Rowena McLeod (JackWena)

Tags: First Time, Blow Jobs, Face-Fucking, Outdoor Sex, Non-Penetrative Sex, and Age Difference

1750 words

A/N: At no point did I ever say I was a good writer. So please keep that in mind. Also, this is the very first time I've written smut with a female in it. Look at me gooooo. However I don't mention any of her genitalia, it's a working process. One day you'll get a good smutty fic that worships the female body, but today is not that day.

This fic contains blow jobs, and first time. But there's not penetrative sex. Sorry to disappoint.

Ao3

Please be nice and leave a comment.

And I cant stress this enough- MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. DO NOT READ IF YOU’RE UNDER THE AGE OF 18. GO AWAY. Thanks.

Important Tags: @kinky-things-happen @jackklinebingo

Bingo Card Fills: Face Fucking + Virgin (Kinky Things Happen Bingo), First Time (Jack Kline Bingo).

I remade my kinky things happen bingo card so I could read it easier.

...

This fic is written from Jack's point of view.

“I’ve never-“ Jack starts unsure if he should continue his statement. He looks shyly at the soft Irish green grass beneath him.

“Oh?” Is all Rowena says.

“Well that’s a shame.”

Jack looks back up away from the grass. His curious light chocolate eyes met her warm and welcoming dusky brown as he searched for an answer on her face. “How could it be a shame?” He asked.

“Well,” she starts, her hands playing in the grass as she spoke. “Sex is fun *if* you do it with the right people and for the right reasons. When sex is consensual, it can help release the stress of the day.” Her voice was still smooth and sing-songly as usual.

“I’ve always wanted to have sex but Sam won’t let me.”

"Sam won’t let you?"

“He claims I’m not ready.”

“Sweetheart, only you can decide when you’re ready.”

“Oh.”

Jack focuses on his hands unsure of what to say with this new information. Tracing the creases in his palm with his fingers he sat in the new found silence that had arisen between the two of them.

“Jack, do you feel like you’re ready?” Rowena asked him, breaking the silence first.

He takes a moment to answer.

He is his own person, he should be able to control what happens to his own body. But he usually only does what others say he should do. Dean says he should start now so he can experience all the wonders in life. Sam says he should wait a little while longer.

But he should make the decision for himself. He *wants* to make that decision for himself.

He looks back up to Rowena confidently. “Yes.”

“It is very good that you know what you want.”

“How does it work?” Jack asks.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, Dean has shown me what the internet has to offer on the subject, but Sam told me sex is completely different from what’s on the screen. So how is it different?”

“For starters we’re not actors. We aren’t exaggerating for a camera.”

“I don’t … understand.”

“It’s pretty hard to explain. It’s better if you were shown.”

“Can you?” He asked a little hopeful that she wouldn’t turn him down like Sam and Dean. “Can you show me?”

“Um… Jack,” her voice was hesitant.

“Please? Sam told me it should be with someone I trust and I trust you. You told me it should be consensual and I consent, will you?”

Jack watched her think it over. Hopefully he was convincing enough without prying and pushing her too much to say yes.

“Ok.” The words passed through her lips and Jack felt a wave of relief and excitement. For once someone didn’t turn him down.

“Have you ever touched yourself?” She asked him.

“Yes. It was weird at first but soon I got the hang of it.”

“Good. Let’s start with that.” She gestures toward him as a way to say begin.

Jack reached for the button of his faded light blue jeans. Unfastening the material he reached his hand underneath his jeans and began to stroke himself through his boxers. In under a minute he had made himself hard. It was probably more from the excitement of this finally happening then from him touching himself. He shimmied his jeans down over his butt to the mid of his thighs.

He paused here unsure if he should continue. He’s only touched himself while he was alone.

“Um?” He made eye contact with Rowena. Then she crawled closer to him, closing the distance between the two of them.

“Shhh, it’s ok darling I’ll show you.”

He felt her fingers underneath his chin angling upward so that his lips were captured by hers.

The kiss was soft.

Tender.

Something that Jack has never experienced before. Not like he’s kissed many people.

He kissed her back. She tasted like what Jack could only identify as chili. Like the amazing chili that Dean makes every now and then when it's his turn to cook. She also tasted like crisp ripe green apples that Sam would sometimes feed him in the autumn month of September. Granted this was an odd combination when thought about together, however Jack felt himself loving the taste even craving it, wanting more as each second passes.

Her other hand pats his inner thigh. Almost in a dull ticklish manner and if he wasn't restricted by his blue jeans he was sure he'd feel more. He felt himself open his legs for her as wide as he could with the restricting material.

All he knew is that he needed more of this.

She pulls apart from him, Jack still tasting her on his tongue.

“Let’s get these silly pants off of you,” she says, reaching for his jeans and pulling them down his legs.

She leaned down and kissed his inner thigh. Then licked it. The wet spot bringing a tingle through his body.

“Oh.”

He could hear himself gasp out without thinking. The sensation of something warm and wet in that area felt- Well lets just say Jack wasn't prepared for that new sensation.

He felt her hand rub up against his dick, a thin layer of fabric stopping skin on skin action that he really needed right now. Her tongue still dancing circles around his thighs, he began to murmur needs and Rowena hummed against his skin in response.

“Lay back for me,” she says as she lifts up for a bit and Jack follows her orders.

Little strays of sunlight could be seen peeking through the leaves of the trees above him. He felt her fingers dance up his pelvic bone to the edge of his waistband and slowly bend back the fabric of his boxers.

He lifts up his butt to help her remove the article of clothing.

The grass underneath him wasn’t itchy or prickly like he expected it would be. Instead it was like a bed, if a bed was green and alive.

“I’m going to give you oral. It’s also called a blow job.”

“Ok,” Jack says, taking a mental note on the word. *Blow job.*

“You let me know if you ever feel uncomfortable or if you want me to stop.”

She firmly grabs ahold of his dick at the base and began to pump it. It wasn't long before he felt her tongue dash across the tip.

She was taking her time, Jack knew that for sure. He looked down at her and they held each other's gaze. He watched as her rose red lips slowly sinks down around his member. He watched as with no trouble she swallowed his dick like it was nothing, holding eye contact.

And that was hot.

"Oh Wena," he moans.

She felt amazing. Her mouth cozy and snug, nothing like Jack could ever imitate with his own hands when he is left alone at night. Warm, welcoming and totally in control of the current activity, she began to move her neck up and down. His sensitive head rubbing against the spongy slippery smooth insides of her oral cavity.

He moans again, closing his eyes and throwing his head back upon the grass.

"Red please don't stop," he pants out. This must be what Dean means when he says it feels like heaven. Although Jack has gone to heaven, this sensation would be pretty close.

This continued to happen for minutes, Jack laying back with his eyes closed enjoying the sensations of Rowena's wonderful mouth, but he couldn't help but wonder how it would feel if he fucked into her mouth. In this current position with him laying down and her on top of him, she was the one with all of the control. Granted Jack could thrust his hips up into her, and that also felt good but he wanted to explore it more.

“Wena” he asks, lifting his head up from the ground to look at her.

She pulls off of him.

“Yes?”

“Can I fuck into you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like… fuck into your mouth?”

“Stand up.”

Jack watches as she repositions herself on her knees. He then stands up and gets closer to her.

Both her hands on his ass cheeks he felt himself slide into her warm mouth.

Somehow this was better than laying down.

Holding his shirt up he began to move his hips back and forth loving the feeling of her mouth.

It was well.. it was wet as mouths usually are. But it was also pretty tight, tighter than what it was beforehand, especially the more he pushed the head of his dick into her mouth the more it enclosed around him. Maybe she began to relax but he could feel her muscles open wider, hallowing out and allowing him to fuck farther in.

He reached his hand down and grabbed ahold of her red hair. It wasn't too tight of a grasp but she also wasn't going to pull back without a small struggle.

“Fuck this feels so good,” Jack moans.

Soon his slow thrusts began to quicken but also stagger in stride as he felt an orgasm inch closer.

“R-Red should I-” Jack starts. He interrupted himself by his own moan as for the feeling was getting too good and a bit overwhelming for his penis. But he needed to know if he could come into her mouth. “Mm Red can I come in your mouth?” he asks.

He attempted to pull out but Rowena's hands were wrapped around his body keeping his torso where it was, stopping him from escaping her mouth.

"Fuck Red," he pants. It was definitely becoming too much. "Oh, fuck. Wena I'm going to come."

He orgasms into her, spraying long white streams of slightly salty sperm down her throat. The feeling of her swallowing became a bit painful to his now overly sensitive head.

"Ah fuck," his legs began to shake. She slips back off of his slowly deflating dick with a nice sounding wet pop. Traces of her saliva stringing back to his dick.

“That wasn’t so bad now was it?” she asked him. Taking his hand and pulling him gently to the ground to sit beside her. She leaned up against a tree and pulled him into her lap, wrapping her arms around him.

“It felt great. I loved it,” he pants.

“Thank you Wena,” he says softly, tracing imaginary lines on her arm.

She kisses the top of his head. “ You're so very welcome.”

...

please comment.

#jackwena #jack kline #rowena mcleod #supernatural

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hellroots · 4 years ago

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『 MOBILE FRIENDLY RULES 』

— here you will find my rules or can also find them on my gdocs as well once i’m done with it. please like this if you read it, but otherwise don’t interact with this post, thank you. rest assured that i always read my moots rules before following and that i fully expect the same courtesy. i tried not to let them get too long but feel free to ask me anything you wanna know about them if it’s not clear ok?

『 THE MUN』

NOXTROMUN, THEY/THEM, 21+, BRAZILIAN

shy but friendly ! i don't follow for follow, if i follow you that means i've read your rules and want to write with you. i have no triggers nor squicks of my own except drama in the dash, for that reason i do not engage in callouts/witch hunts and if you do it on a constant basis i might have to hard block you for my own peace of mind. although i may come off too strong/harsh, i am always up to talking things out privately. as long as you are civil, so am i. any form of hate will be deleted and blocked - sometimes mocked, if i’m feeling cocky…

『 THE BLOG』

HELLROOTS, INDIE ( POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING AND NOT MINOR FRIENDLY ), HIGHLY SELECTIVE & PRIVATE MULTIFANDOM MULTIMUSE

primarily run on a low activity \ effort and with a slow speed.. my muselist changes a lot, depends a lot on what i’m watching lately so bear with me please. this is a drama free zone, therefore do realise that mun ≠ muses and (obviously) writing ≠ condoning !! as a quick note, do keep in mind that my blog is my safe space, just as your blog is yours - you are responsible for your own internet experience just as i am responsible for mine. should anything in my blog annoy/trigger/squick you, i strongly encourage you to block me & not write with me - your mental health is far more important ( for me, and hopefully for you as well ) than rp. on that note, please do not softblock me - that’s annoying, just hardblock please.

『 THE TRIGGERS』

TRIGGER HEAVY, PROPERLY TAGGED AND TAKING NO CRAP

i usually tend to write for trigger heavy fandoms (such as asoiaf, kingdom and others) and may incorporate some of it into my writing, muses' backgrounds and overall characterization. if you're bothered \ squicked \ triggered by that, i kindly encourage you to reconsider and not follow me. no amount of rp fun is worth your mental health. i try to tag everything accordingly and i fully expect the same courtesy for our followers' sakes. be aware that there may be mentions of death, gore, violence, consanguinamory \ endogamy (especially when it comes to the lannisters and kekkei genkai clans), rape ( kingdom, though it will only be mentioned on the character’s backstory ) and cannibalism ( hannibal and kingdom ) , as well as unhealthy relationships and dynamics alongside with powerplay, and otherwise bad behaviours. for all that is sacred, please, do note that i, the mun, do not approve, support or condone any of these actions or behaviours !! i simply am capable of separating fiction from reality. as long as everything is properly tagged, with mutual consent and there are no minors involved (muse and especially not muns), . i support the right of a consenting adult to explore these awful dark topics in a safe fictional environment with other like minded consenting adults, people shouldn’t have to share their traumas to strangers on the internet to explain why they write what they write, be considerate. if that notion bothers you perhaps you might not want to interact with me, for both of ours sakes. fair warning, most of my graphics and aesthetics might trigger those who have xylophobia/hylophobia (phobia of trees or wooded areas), and considering it is a main theme here i will not be tagging it, i'm sorry. but its too many. however, if you want me to create a special tag for you, there's no issue! it will be either "[your mun name] don't look!" or "[your url] don't look!", whichever you prefer. QUICK EDIT/ADDITION: i do not believe that aging up fictional characters is inherently a bad thing - from what i understand, the whole appeal of aging up a character is that while you like their personality but you do not want them to be kids (for whatever reason) but insteasd adults. if you are one of those who think that aging up a character is automatically something bad (without even knowing why it was done in the first place) don’t bother following me because i do think that opinion is quite silly.

『 THE INTERACTIONS』

OC, DUPLICATE, MULTIMUSE AND CANON DIVERGENT FRIENDLY

my tagging system is simple, i tag triggers as "tw; x" and . images that may be sensitive or triggering as "cw; x". you can further see how my tags work by taking a look at my tag dump post, just search ‘tag dump’ on my blog and you will find the most recent one i’m using. i shitpost and talk oocly on the dash constantly but you can easily blacklist my tag if it bothers you. here's something you should know about me: when i'm doing drafts i usually don't feel like chatting much, so please do not spam me because i won't be able to reply, i love to talk with my moots but sometimes it overwhelms me. on that note, please don't pester me for replies ic or ooc, i am slow and chances are that if you try to guilt trip me or just nag me about it i'll leave as the ones i'll get to in the later end on purpose, just out of spite. yes, i be like that. please be patient - i’ll never pressure you and expect the same in return. plotting wise: i prefer to just wing it with just a faint idea of where to take the thread but honestly i'm cool with anything. please be considerate when formatting your replies, i have a bad eyesight & if i can't read it, i won't bother with it. my own formatting is simple and clean. on a smaller note, please bear with me and my muses as my muses ramble a lot but you don't have to match the length, just give me something to work with. if we write together, the chances of me making edits/tagging you in stuff are really big, just lmk if you don’t like that though !

『 THE FLEET』

MOSTLY BI/PAN MUSES, MULTISHIP AND MULTIVERSE, SMUT FRIENDLY

i love shipping but i like my ships to be devices to move the plot/dynamics/muses forward, every once in a while though i partake in some much loved self indulgent shipping. just because i ship a certain pairing don't presume that my characters are approaching yours with second intentions, please. most of the time i like to reblog those relationship memes, so if you’re interested in a ship the best way (other than sending me a message ofc) to let me know is by sending ones. there will be some triggering ships here ( like the lannisters, both cersei x jaime and joanna x tywin are my otps, and potential inter clan ships, like with the hyugas - i mean how the hell you think they keep the byakugan in their family?? ) that may either be played with trusted friends or be mentioned/reblogged sometimes, all properly tagged so you can easily blocklist/avoid it. most of my muses are either bi or pan, those who are not will be specified. don't be afraid to reach out to me for shipping right off the bat - i'd rather have you to be open and honest with me about the interactions you want than lying to me, just know that there will be needed some plotting and threading first to see if your muses match. as an adult, my blog is smut friendly, i partake in sexual sunday a lot because some of my muses are very lewd in nature, you can blacklist my tag if that bothers you as well.

『 THE FINAL NOTES』

GENERAL RP ETIQUETTE APPLIES, CREDITS, THANK YOU FOR READING MY RULES

lastly but not least, general rp etiquette applies on my blog: no godmodding, forced ships, etc. there’s only ONE thing that truly makes me go apeshit crazy, and it’s when people don’t read my rules. i ALWAYS find out and it’s not pretty; i block it like it’s hot, ♪ ♫ �� block it like it’s hot ♪ ♫ ♬. i strongly assure you that i always read your rules before both following you and also before sending memes, just in case. on a much smaller note, i’m not so hot on single shipping and i really feel weirded out about people forcing me to pic who i’m going to interact with due to theirs DNI’s. while i get DNI’s when it comes to actual predators, when it’s something seemingly random chances are that i’ll softblock you because it weirds me out how volatile some can be when it comes to a hobby. i have some trigger heavy hcs ( for example, the one about jiraiya’s hypersexuality being rooted in trauma that he suffered at a young age ) that i share with only a few muns that are closer with me, so i’ll be mentioning them every once in a while but won’t share them, please don’t insist. i don’t really like most of the main characters of the franchises i write for, and when it comes to certain characters i reserve the right to decline an rp for my own comfort. for further info on what i use to make my graphics please check my “CREDITS.” tag. most of my stuff is made by me, i’ve got a lowkey rph in case you wanna check it out it’s @brazucahelps, however if you want a custom content i can see if i get a free time to come up with something :D

IF YOU READ THIS FAR, THANK YOU SO MUCH — JUST ONE LAST THING, COULD YOU PLS LIKE THIS SO I KNOW YOU’VE READ IT? <3 THANKS!

#RULES.

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ladynox · 4 years ago

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20 Questions - Writer’s Edition

Tagged by @kaydeefalls & @im-the-punk-who

How many works do you have on AO3? 15. I use to be a pretty profilic writer when I was a teenager (before AO3 thank fuck 😂) but I lost interest. Picked it up again somewhere in my 20s, only to lose interest or the drive or something again. Roswell's the first fandom I've written for in almost decade. Hopefully this time I'll be able to stick too it. Id' forgotten how much I enjoy writing. What’s your total AO3 word count? 233292. Most of that is from just the last year alone! Crazy! How many fandoms have you written for and what are they? Currently posted to AO3? Just three. Yu-Gi-Oh!, Captain America and Roswell New Mexico. If we're counting the stuff lost to long dead Yahoo groups or forgotten notebooks, or the stuff still on the internet because I can't remember my password but I will never own up to? Probably 8? With the addition of Gundam Wing, Sailor Moon, Digimon and Final Fantasy 7. There might have been more but I can't remember anymore. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? The 1-3 and 5 were co-written with @beautifulcheat 1. The Great New Mexico Fake-Off (Roswell, malexa, complete) Michael takes up baking after watching The Great British Bake Off and starts gifting his bakes to the people he loves. Mostly fluff and pining. 2. Milestones (Roswell, malexa, WIP) based after the series, in that nebulous well adjusted future we dream of for our favorite idiots. 😂 Maria, who has been living in a v poly relationship with Michael and Alex for years, realizes she's pregnant. Michael is ecstatic. Alex is conflicted, which dampers some of Maria's joy. Still a pretty fluffy and very domestic fic. This one's on hold because we're both busy with work, school and certification exams. So we only really have time for one, which is the following monster of a fic:

3. The Truth is Right Here (Roswell, malexa, WIP) X-Files/White Collar fusion where Michael is both Scully and Neal, and Maria and Alex are both Mulder and Peter. Yes you heard right. The alien is the skeptic. But the agents don't know he's an alien yet. hahah 4. Testing the Bonds (Captain America, Steve & Bucky) Bucky comes out to Steve during the war. 5. Petit Fours (Roswell, malexa, complete). Companion piece to Fake-Off. An assorted collection of text fics or short fics. Mostly about everyone else's reaction to how bad Michael is at keeping the secret that he's the one baking the cake. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? Hmmm looking over these fics, I realize that I don't really write angsty endings. I tend to like my angst with a happy ending, or a hopeful one. Whatever that might look like given the subject matter of the fic. So I guess the closet would be The Message (YGO, puppyshipping, complete). The fic starts after an incident of domestic violence. Jou is basically working through the horror/guilt he feels at what he's done. It's not a happy ending, but there's hope different decisions will be made. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending? A New Year, A New Hope (Roswell, malex, complete) is entirely made up of marshmallows from start to finish, so likely that one. Fake-Off's also tooth rottingly sweet. Surprising no one I'm sure hahaha. I love happy endings so I write a lot of fics with those. Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written? Yes I do! I'm counting fusion fics as crossovers too. I *love* AUs in general. They're super fun. As for craziest.... well I've already mentioned Truth above, which is likely the craziest because of how ambitious it is. I both love and regret ever starting this monster. Have you ever received hate on a fic? Oh yeah definitely. hahaha One day people will figure out the back button. Do you write smut? If so what kind? Yeah but not a lot. I want to write more smut honestly but I have a hard time writing it. I don't have a problem with action scenes so it's all mental. Just start thinking it's gonna suck or it doesn't make sense or it's boring. Dumb brain, cockblocking me. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I know of? Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope. Have you ever co-written a fic before? All the time. It's the best. Everything Kat and I write is just to amuse the other, makes writing so much fun. Also, she and I have opposite writing strengths and weakness so it really works out well. What’s your all time favorite ship? Er? I gotta choose just one? Seems kind of pointless to pit different fandoms against each other. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? I mean I have every intention of going back and finishing it but probably Six. A malex The Last of Us AU that I had a lot of grand ideas for but have lost all drive to finish. I do think that what's written can largely stand on its own as a 1 shot. One of these I'll go back edit it, give it a good "in conclusion" so to speak. XD What are your writing strengths? Hmm? Character voices/studies, I think. I like doing stream of consciousness a lot. What are your writing weaknesses? Everything. Kidding. Kidding. Probably smut and dialogue. Though I think I'm getting better at dialogue. Lately I've been getting the dialogue on paper before the descriptions. That use to not be the case! Yay! Improvement! What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? Use it sparingly and carefully. Most of your readers are probably not going to be able to read that language. The last thing you want is to confuse or annoy your readers. What was the first fandom you wrote for? Gundam Wing 🤣 All of those fics are lost to time and I'm totally ok with that. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written? I am proud of everything I've posted to AO3. Um... @beautifulcheat, @maeglinthebold @jocarthage, @tasyfa and anyone else who wants to do it.

#tag meme #apologies if you've already been tagged by someone else #or have already done this #it's sometimes hard for me to keep up with my dash

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pleasedonthurtcjstar · 3 years ago

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Shameless Promotion

Summary: Remus shows Roman what he finds on ao3.

Lmfao I want people to sign up for the exchange so this is me hoping people will read this and hopefully sign up.

Tags: in/cest

Ships: RemRom

Characters: Remus, Roman

Ao3

@pumpkin-padparadscha thanks for editing 🧡

Would you like to sign up for the exchange? Check out this Tumblr Page @remrom-exchange for more information. Here's a link to the Collection Page.

…

“Roman?!” Remus’s voice could be heard throughout the mind palace. “Roman! I gotta show you something!!”

Roman groans in slight irritation as he prepares for whatever Remus had to show him.

“What?!” He calls back from the comfy red sofa chair he sat in.

Remus runs into the room in his mismatched green and black socks, sliding to a stop on the hardwood floor. He was holding Roman's computer which almost flew out of Remus's loose grip.

“Be careful with my computer!”

“Oh it’s fine.”

Remus walks over as Roman closes his book giving Remus all of his attention.

“Look,” he says excitedly before plopping himself half on Roman and half on the chair.

“Oof.”

Remus points to the screen. “Dude look.”

Roman turns his eyes to the screen in front of him. His dearest brother has been using his computer to search the internet for… fanfics?

Specifically fanfics on ao3???

“What are you doing on ao3?” Roman asks him.

“None of your business,” Remus says quickly, causing Roman to raise an eyebrow in immediate suspicion.

“Alrighty, that's not suspicious at all.”

“Shut up and look at what I’m showing you.”

Roman sighs and once again turns his attention to the screen. Remus was on the ao3 page with a header named "1-20 of 305 Works in Creativity | Roman “Princey” Sanders / Dark Creativity | Remus “The Duke” Sanders."

Roman quickly took note of the use of the slash symbol instead of the and symbol, knowing far too well that the use of the slash meant a romantic pairing.

“You... wanted to show me fanfics full of us together?”

“Yes. Look at all the fics of us,” he scrolls down the page.

“Ok but why did you want to show me this?” Roman asks, still not understanding Remus's persistence on the matter. Or better yet why Remus was looking at it in the first place.

“Because Roman, look at how much they like us! Roman, we should do this.”

"Do what?"

"Write something. Contribute to the fandom. Our fandom."

“We should not. That would be weird.”

“No it's not. No one would know it was us plus we can submit stuff anonymously."

Roman looked at his brother with slight disbelief.. Of course Remus would find it exciting to contribute to the fandom by writing fanfics.

"Remus-" Roman starts before he is cut off by an excited squeal from the other on top of him. This sudden commotion causes Remus to wiggle in his spot on Roman's lap. And knowing his brother it would be very easy for Remus to end up on the floor when he was this excited. Not to mention he would take Roman's laptop with him on the quick trip to the floor. Roman reaches his right arm out to secure Remus on his lap. He didn’t want his computer to be smashed into pieces and then deemed unusable just like Remus's computer.

"They hold events writing about us!" he says, clicking on a fic. "They did an exchange during the summer-" Remus continued to ramble but at this point it didn’t make any sense to Roman. Remus was talking so fast now that Roman knew he wasn't going to be able to talk him out of it. So instead of tearing Remus down while he was excited, Roman decides to join his brother’s excitement.

Reaching his free hand out to his computer he clicks on the link to the collection page for the summer exchange. After a few more clicks he was on the tumblr page.

"Roman!!!" Remus exclaims, even though Roman is right beside him. Well, actually, underneath him. "They are hosting another exchange!!!"

"Yes Remus I can see that."

RemRom End of the Year 2021 Exchange.

Roman’s eyes quickly scan through the information.

In sign ups you will provide 3 prompts that you would like to receive. Basically every fic and drawing is created specifically for a person’s interest. Once sign ups are done you, the creator, will have 3 prompts to choose from. You can sign up on Monday September, 27th - Sunday October, 31st.

"Roman, we have to do this, please. Do it with me. It will be fun."

Roman looks between the screen and his brother.

“How could you know it's fun? It’s not like you've done it before."

"Well, that’s not exactly true," Remus smirks.

"You've done this before?! In what fandom?"

"I will never tell. Anyway," Remus says, shifting on romans lap "You can create art and be as realistic as possible. I could even be your model," he adds with a wink.

"You always move when you’re my model," Roman reminds him.

"Listen I get bored because your positions are so tame. If you don’t want to sign up you can beta edit what I write."

"Oh god no. Your writing is an absolute horror."

Remus only smiles in response.

After a few seconds Roman nods his head.

"Fine."

"Is that a yes?"

"Yes."

"Oh roman you're the best!" Remus says, pressing a kiss to Roman’s cheek and leaping off of his lap, once again taking Roman’s computer with him. "I'll go sign up first then you can do whatever you’d like later."

"Okay."

"We are totally going to have the best content in this exchange. Mark my words"

"It’s not a competition," Roman calls out.

"Whatever!"

...

886 Words.

#remrom #sanders sides #roman sanders #remus sanders #remus x roman

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grlwtskulltattoo · 5 years ago

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Fall For You - Chapter 3

Characters - Jax Teller x OFC (Katrina)

Summary - Katrina leaves an abuse relationship and heads home after finding out about her father’s passing. Old feelings come back to the surface for a person from her past. Story will follow the events of the show as much as possible. How might have Jax’s story changed with a different woman in his life...

Word Count - 3892

Warnings - NSFW, Hardcore Smut, Violence, Angst, Adult Language, Dark Themes, Fluff, Miscarriage, Pregnancy, Accident, Mentions of Physical and Emotional Abuse, Self-Harm.

Will add to the warnings as the story progresses. Warnings cover the whole series. Some parts will be more mild than others.

A/N - Feedback is welcomed and encouraged, and may help motivate me to continue. All mistakes are my own. If you would like to be tagged in future parts, please send me an ask to be added to the list. Sorry it took so long to update this story. Had a lot of changes going on in my personal life that I had to focus my energy on. This story is still on my mind, and I plan to continue working on it....just might take me a bit.

Katrina wakes up early. Not that she got much sleep, tossing and turning throughout most of the night. The dread of attending her father’s funeral and the get together with the club afterwards weighing heavily on her. She showers then dresses in her nicest pair of black jeans. She throws on a black tank top and covers it with a black button down shirt. Her black riding boots finishes the ensemble. Katrina doesn't own any dresses, not that she would wear one anyway. She combs out her dark hair, then tries to style it into a half ponytail, hoping that her work doesn't get ruined by her helmet when she leaves. She then applies her makeup, paying special attention to the bruise that is slowly starting to fade from around her eye.

Glancing at the clock on the nightstand in her room, Katrina hurries to finish getting ready. The service is only a couple hours from now, and she wanted to stop by the funeral home before going to the cemetery. She’s hoping to have a few moments alone with her father before his body is moved to the cemetery. There were no plans for a viewing do to the severity of the accident, just a graveside service. Katrina puts on her leather jacket and grabs her small backpack before heading out the door.

She makes a quick stop at the gas station before heading to the funeral home. She parks her bike, then she takes a deep breath before walking inside. It smells strongly of flowers, no doubt to mask the scent of death. There is an eerie silence to the place, that is a bit unsettling to her. She vaguely remembers being here when her mom passed, however she wasn't alone that time. After a few moments of standing in the lobby, a man finally approaches her. He’s dressed in a black suit and tie and is nicely groomed.

“Hi there. How may I assist you?” He asks in a calm, soothing voice.

“I’m Katrina Morgan. I came to see my father, Daniel.” Katrina tries to keep the hesitation out of her voice. It takes everything in her not to bolt for the door. Deep down she knows if she doesn't take this opportunity she may regret it.

“Ahh, yes. Of course. Let me show you to him.” The man replies as he motions for her to follow him. He leads her to a small room with a closed coffin. There are a couple rows of chairs in the room. “Take as much time as you need.” He says softly before leaving the room and partially closing the door.

Katrina stands in the middle of the room, fighting the urge to turn around and leave. She takes a deep breath then approaches the coffin. Before placing her backpack on one of the chairs, she pulls out the eagle feather she found in the toolbox. Katrina stands in front of the white coffin twirling the feather in her hand. Even though she doesn’t know much about her culture, since her father refused to talk about it, she can’t help but feel there is some kind of importance to the feather. She wants him to have it with him despite her feelings towards him. Katrina carefully opens the lid to the coffin, taken aback by the sight of her father’s lifeless body laying there. The injuries from the accident were evident on his face, but at least he had been cleaned up. His hair was long, and not in its usual ponytail. He was dressed in a nice button down shirt and from what she could tell, some dark colored jeans. She carefully lifted his right hand that was laying on his stomach and placed the feather underneath. She whispers goodbye to him before slowly closing the lid.

Katrina feels moisture gathering in her eyes as she sits in one of the chairs. There is that sense of relief that he’s gone, and he can no longer hurt her with his hands or his words. But there is also a sadness she feels, for what could have been. For the relationship they could have had, had he not turned to alcohol and drugs to console himself after her mom had passed. She remembers the evenings when he came home from work, how they would go out to the garage to tinker with the Challenger while mom prepared dinner. He taught her how to change the alternator and the water pump in the classic car. How to change a tire and do an an oil change. He was so excited to get the old car running again and possibly put it in some classic car shows.

All of that changed after her mom was gone. As soon as he got home he would lay into her about how she was worthless. No better than a piece of garbage. How he couldn't wait until she was no longer his problem. Katrina lightly rubbed her thumb over a small row of scars near her wrist. Hidden by the skeleton torso tattoo that now covered them. The pain of her father’s words when she was younger, caused her to seek out some kind of relief. Unfortunately that relief came in the form of causing herself physical pain. She avoided home as much as possible when she was a teenager, hanging out with Jax and Opie as late as possible, then trying to sneak into the house without her father noticing. That usually wasn't a problem, since he was typically passed out on the couch. On the rare occasion that he wasn’t passed out, she tried her best to stay out of his way. She lost count on how many times he called her a slut or a whore, when she would come home late from hanging out with the guys. God forbid she got in between him and his access to liquor, or she didn't grab him another beer fast enough. She ended up having to wear long sleeve shirts and long pants year round, to hide the bruises that peppered her arms and legs from him kicking her or hitting her. It’s amazing how much a person can change when they loose something that means the world to them.

Katrina sat there in silence, her heart heavy with all the emotions running through it. She didn’t hear Jax enter the room, and was a little startled when he lightly placed his hand on her shoulder. “Hey, is everything ok,” He looked at her with concern in his eyes.

“Yeah, I just wanted to say my goodbyes before he was moved.” Katrina quickly brushes the tears from her face.

“Do you need more time?” Jax softly asks.

“No, I’m good.” Katrina is ready to get this over with. She’s shed enough tears.

“Ok. They’re going to get him in the hearse to take to the cemetery. Do you want to ride with mom over there?’ Jax asks.

“I can ride my bike. I’ll be fine.” Katrina doesn't like the idea of not having an escape, if she needs it.

“Are you sure? It’s no problem, Gemma would be happy to take you over. I can bring you back here to pick up your bike afterwards.” Jax still has that look of concern in his face.

Katrina knows she’s being stubborn, and she appreciates the offer, but she isn’t going to budge. “ No, really, I’m fine. I want to ride.”

Jax sighs in defeat. “Ok. Do you want to ride up front? Clay was going to lead the procession.”

“That’s fine, he can lead. I can ride behind the club.” She really didn’t want to be in the lead. She didn’t want to be the center of attention.

“Let’s get our bikes ready.” Jax leads Katrina out of the room. She follows him outside, breathing in the fresh air, the bright sun nearly blinding her.

Katrina puts a funeral sign on the front of her bike, like everyone else had. She then fires up her bike and gets in line behind the club. Jax and Clay, along with a couple of the guys from the club head back inside. A few moments later she sees them come out a side entrance carrying her father’s coffin to the hearse. A flag draped over the top. She almost forgot that he had served for a brief time in the army during the Vietnam War, before being injured in combat and shipped back home. Another one of those things he never talked about. After the coffin is placed inside of the hearse, the guys get on their bikes, and all that is heard is the rumble of Harleys. Clay motions everyone to move out, with him and Jax leading the line.

The ride to the cemetery was fairly short. Katrina parked her bike next to the others, then removed her helmet. She watched as the same group of guys that put the coffin in the hearse removed it, carrying it over to the burial spot. She took a deep breath then walked over to the group that was gathering. Gemma approaches her and then draws her into an embrace.

“I know it’s hard baby, but we’re all here for you.” Gemma reassures her.

Katrina slowly backs out of the hug, and wipes the moisture from her eyes. “Thank you, Gemma.”

Gemma leads her to a row of chairs near the coffin and motions Katrina to sit, taking the seat next to her. Jax and Clay take the seats next to Gemma, and everyone else gathers near. A preacher starts speaking once everything settles down. Katrina wasn’t entirely sure her father would have approved, given they never went to church or even practiced any sort of religion. She couldn’t help but wish she knew more about her father’s people and their customs. Even though her father left his family, she was sure some of their traditions and beliefs were engrained in him. Hopefully he’ll find peace on the other side.

After what felt like an eternity, listening to words she wasn’t sure even she believed, the preacher finishes his speech. A couple of men she didn’t recognize started folding up the flag that laid on the coffin. Once they finished, one of the men placed the flag on her lap. She thanks them, before rising from her chair, and approaching the coffin. She picks up a rose from a pile on a nearby table, and gently places it on top of the coffin.

Katrina turns around and faces the group of people watching her, wanting to say something. “I want to thank you all of coming. It means a lot to me, and I’m sure him as well. My father led a troubled life after my mom’s passing. I can only hope that he’s able to find some peace, and they are both together now.”

Katrina could feel moisture gathering in her eyes again at the thought of her mom. She starts walking towards her bike, ready to close this chapter in her life. Once she gets to her bike she sits on the seat and watches everyone else put a flower on her father’s coffin before heading to their bikes or cars. After Jax finishes talking to a couple of his friends he starts walking towards her.

“Hey, are you ok?” The concern is evident on Jax’s face.

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s still weird to think that he’s gone.” Katrina tries to wipe the tears from her eyes.

“We’re all going to head over to mom’s. You’re still coming, right?” Jax asks.

Katrina really doesn’t want to. She’d rather go home and bury herself in some blankets, and maybe a bottle of Jack. But she also doesn't want to upset Gemma. It wouldn't be a good idea to get on her bad side, especially after all she did to help plan her father’s funeral. “Yes, of course. It’ll be nice to see everyone again.”

Jax gives her a reassuring pat on her arm, then heads to his bike. Katrina places the flag that she was holding in her small backpack. She then cinches on her helmet before starting her bike. She waits until some of the other guests leave before taking off herself. The ride to Gemma and Clay’s house brought back memories of times she went over there to hang out with Jax. Instead of being on the back of Jax’s bike, she was on her own.

When Katrina pulls up to the driveway of the house, there is already quite a few bikes parked. She parks her bike and then takes off her helmet. Hanging the helmet from her handlebars, she sits there for a moment. Contemplating whether she should go inside and hang out with everyone or tell Gemma she’s not feeling well so she can go home. Just as she dismounts from her bike, Jax pulls his bike next hers. She waits for him to get off his bike before she starts walking to the front door.

“Mom will be happy that you’re here….it’s been a long time.” Jax reassures her.

Katrina gives Jax a small smile to reassure him that she’s glad to be there, even though she’s really not. It takes everything in her to not turn around and go back to her bike. She tries to remind herself that it will be nice to see everyone.

As soon as they enter the house, it seems everyone rushes to her to offer condolences about her loss.

“Hey doll, sorry about your dad.” Tig gives her a hug and quick peck on the cheek, before standing back for the others to follow suit.

“Lass, if you need help with anything, don’t hesitate to ask.” Chibs gives her an embrace as well.

“Thank you guys.” Katrina responds sincerely.

Bobby approaches her next. “Been a long time kid. The shop’s not going to be the same without your dad there running things.”

Katrina nods to Bobby in agreement, even though she was never around her dad when he worked at the shop. She tried to stay out of his way to avoid his wrath.

Off to the side Katrina spots Opie, standing with a woman, that looks vaguely familiar, and two kids. She didn’t realize how much she missed him until she felt the happiness in her heart at the site of him. Like Jax, Opie has changed since the last time she’s seen him. He was always a little bigger than Jax, but now he was like a bear. Quite a bit taller, and a little more broad in the chest. His hair is a little longer and he sports a full beard now. Katrina walks towards him, and Opie smiles at her when she gets close. Before she realizes it, he has her in a big bear hug, practically lifting her from the floor.

“Damn, I’ve missed you.” Opie whispers in her ear, as he squeezes her tight.

“I’ve missed you, too.” Katrina replies, savoring the feeling of her best friend hugging her.

Opie finally releases his hold on her, and takes a small step back. “I want to introduce you to my wife and kids.” Opie gestures to the woman. “This is my wife, Donna. You might remember her from school. And these are my kids Ellie and Kenny.” Opie gestures to the kids standing in front of their mother.

“It’s nice to meet you. Your dad and I were best friends when we were kids.” Katrina smiles at the kids and then Donna. “Thank you for coming to the funeral, it means a lot.” She glances at Opie, and he gives her a reassuring nod.

Everyone starts gathering in the dining room and taking seats at the long table. The food is already laid out. Katrina spots Gemma and Clay sitting at the head of the table. She approaches them while the everyone else is dishing up their food. “Clay. Gemma. I just want to thank you for everything you did for my father. The funeral was perfect.”

Clay stands up from his seat and draws Katrina into an embrace “Hey kid, no problem. You and Daniel are family, and we take care of family.” Clay smiles at Katrina while Gemma nods in agreement. “It’s good that you’re here.”

“Thanks. It’s good to be here.” Katrina smiles in return.

Katrina finds a seat towards the end of the long dining room table, between Chibs and a prospect she’s not familiar with. Jax is sitting across from his mom near the head of the table, far from her. She wasn’t very hungry so she doesn’t put very much food on her plate, even though it all looks good. Everyone is talking. She could hear bits and pieces of various conversations going on around her, most of which consist of stories about her father.

Everyone that spoke about her dad, referred to him as Chief. She almost forgot about that nickname. If she remembers correctly, it was Clay that started calling him that due to his Native American heritage. If it would have been anyone else, they probably would have ended up with a black eye. The nickname stuck and soon everyone around the shop and club started calling him that.

“Remember that tom cat that used to hang around the shop?” Bobby asks the group, which results in nods and smiles from most of the guys. “I remember this old lady came in driving a grandma car. An old Buick I think. She said the car was acting funny and making a weird sounds. Chief popped the hood and found a tom cat stuck in the engine bay. A tuff of fur missing from its tail and a skinned up ear. Chief pried it out of the engine and offered it to the old lady. She said it wasn’t her cat and she didn’t want it. So Chief let it loose out back of the shop and it ran off. Next thing you know, the cat was hanging around the shop. Chief was constantly yelling at it to piss off, but the cat still hung around. Then one day I saw Chief sitting out behind the shop eating his lunch, and giving pieces to the cat. Couldn’t help but get a chuckle out of it. At least one good thing was, we never had a mouse problem.” Bobby chuckles after telling his story.

Hearing that story brings up feelings of resentment and hurt in Katrina. The fact that her dad would show more caring towards an animal than his own daughter crushes her. Katrina can feel a knot starting in her throat and tears gathering in her eyes. She feels like she can’t breathe.

Katrina pushes out her chair away from the table “Excuse me, I need to get some air.” She says before rushing out the front door to the porch.

As soon as she is outside, she breathes in deep gulps of air trying to calm the emotions raging through her. She wants to smash her fist through a wall, instead she slams it against one of the wood beams holding up the awning of the porch. The momentary flash of pain in her hand distracts her from the pain she feels in her heart. She flexes her fingers and shakes her hand, before reaching into her pocket to grab her pack of cigarettes. She hasn’t smoked in a long time, but she knew its calming effects would help her manage this stressful time. She pulls a cigarette from the pack, puts it to her lips and lights it using the lighter she bought at the gas station when she got the pack. She inhales the smoke deeply then slowly releases it from her lungs. The racing of her heart gradually slows as the nicotine works its magic. She takes another drag off the cigarette, focusing on the gathering ash at the tip of it before she flicks it off. Katrina sits down on the steps of the front porch. She closes her eyes and focuses on the sounds around her. Birds chirping, bees buzzing, the rustle of the breeze through the trees. She is so focused on everything else around her that it takes her a moment to realize that she’s not alone. She opens her eyes and looks up to see Jax standing beside her.

“Are you doing ok?” Jax asks, the concern evident in his voice.

“Sorry, it was hard hearing the stories about my father, I needed to get some fresh air. It’s still hard to believe he’s gone.” Katrina responds, thinking that at least it wasn’t a complete lie. She then takes another drag off her cigarette.

Jax lights a smoke of his own then joins her on the step. “We’re here for you Kat. Anything you need, just ask. I remember when I lost my father. It was rough for awhile.”

Katrina remembers Jax’s father, John. He was a good man, who loved his family. Jax was devastated when he passed away. She remembers being there for Jax while he grieved the loss. Helping him through the anger and tears. She knows that’s what Jax is trying to do for her now, but she doesn’t need it. Or want it. She worries that it’ll bring them closer together, and she just wants a clean break from everything in Charming.

Katrina takes one final drag from her cigarette before snuffing it out on the cement. She stands up, trying to convince herself to go back inside, but she’s tired. She really doesn’t want to listen to anymore stories about how great her dad was to everyone else in his life. “Hey, I think I’m just going to head home now. I’m not feeling well.”

Jax rises from the step he was sitting on. “Are you sure?”

Katrina can hear the disappointment in his voice. “Yeah. I didn’t sleep well last night, and all of this is a bit overwhelming.” She can feel how emotionally and physically draining this day has been. She wants to process this in her own way, without everyone watching her. “Please tell Gemma thanks for everything, and I’m sorry for leaving so quickly. The food was delicious, and it was great seeing everyone again.”

Jax nods his understanding, even though he wants to beg her to stay. He takes her in his embrace. “I’m here for you.” He says softly in her ear.

Katrina gives him a light squeeze, before breaking the hug. “Thank you Jax. I appreciate it.” She says while looking into his eyes. She gives him a light kiss on the cheek, before walking down the path to where the bikes are parked. She gets on her bike, places her backpack over her shoulders and puts on her helmet. She backs out of the driveway then takes off towards home, thankful she can finally breathe.

Jax heads back inside to the dinner. Gemma give him a confused look, after seeing that Katrina isn’t with him. Jax just shrugs his shoulders, and Gemma nods her understanding. Jax takes his seat and finishes his meal, while listening to everyone else talk. He can’t get Katrina off his mind, it takes everything in him not to take off after her. However, he understands the need to process grief in your own way.

Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2

Tagging: @momc95 @jerseynurse82

#redwood original #reaper crew #samcro #soa #soa fanfiction #soa imagine #sons of anarchy imagine #sons of anarchy #jax teller fanfiction #jax teller #jax teller imagine #jax teller smut #gemma teller #happy lowman #chibs telford #opie winston #jax teller x oc

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ngame989 · 5 years ago

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SVTFOE: A Retrospective

Happy Mama Star Day!

OK, first and foremost, a quick update on TGG: I plan to have something ready for at least one of the major anniversaries coming up, and hopefully will resume slightly more regular updates from then forward. Thanks to everyone for your continued support, it’s been a rough year so far for me personally and for everyone in in the current pandemic situation. The anniversary of both STH and Mama Star seemed like a fitting time to get some things off my chest, both good and bad, so I’ll do that now and get it out of the way to focus on bigger and better things in the future. Fair warning, this is gonna be long and rambly and personal more than it is any sort of serious show analysis. If you’re looking for fun, feel-good celebration of what definitely were some of my favorite moments in the series, I’m not so sure this is gonna be the post for you.

It goes without saying that Star vs the Forces of Evil, for better or worse, is incredibly important to me and has been without fail for years. How are you supposed to feel when something that important lets you down so hard? Is having such strong, mixed emotions and attachment better than having nothing you care about at all? The past year hasn’t answered these questions for me, and this post certainly won’t either. There’s no thesis or likely any kind of closure here, just me baring a bit of my soul here on tumblr dot com.

It’s been a rough year or two for me. I don’t want to get too much into the specifics, but let’s just say I hit a crossroads where the entire path I’d envisioned for myself in life came into serious question, and I had been spiraling into depression and paralyzing anxiety over a complete lack of any fulfillment in my “professional” life for months before I even recognized it for what it was. Season 3 finished airing around the last few months of my undergraduate degree, which (while obviously it significantly emotionally impacted me) was a generally happy and stable time in my life. As things started to change and get worse for me, SVTFOE S4 was my ray of hope. I’m not kidding when I say that some days in the hiatus leading up to it, the thought of S4 delivering on its potential for emotional fulfillment and Starco goodness (consistently, not just at the end) was the only thing that got me out of bed in the morning and the only positive thing I could see in my future.

When we got the S4 we got, it shattered me, utterly and completely. This isn’t an attempt to dunk on S4 in some “objective” manner - hell, I even like a lot of the things about it that the fandom despises (the ending prioritizing character closure over lore, the upheaval of the political structure rather than just having Star become the Goodest Queen, etc). I’d still make the argument that a lot of the character development was very flimsy and poorly paced, a very clear effort to force the relationship resolution to be delayed until the end at all costs, but that’s not the point here. Life felt dull and lonely and warm fluffy Starco was my vicarious escape from that, and the season we got left me so completely hollow insid that it felt like I couldn’t breathe for its first more-than-a-dozen episodes, and I was so burnt out that I couldn’t even properly enjoy the parts that were genuinely good.

Even earlyish on, I was already fearing that things wouldn’t be resolved till the end and that there’d be almost none of the content I actually longed for from the show. As I’ve mentioned before, The Greatest Gift was born the morning after Lake House Fever’s late night release, out of salt and spite and a need to give myself something good to look forward to, even if it would be something I’d be making myself. I completely removed myself from even passing conversations with my best friends in the fandom because it hurt too much to even think about. I even had Seddm give me summaries of episodes before I watched them so I could take some time to emotionally prepare (at least until the 2nd to last week). And to the show’s credit, its last few weeks of episodes (with some exceptions) tried their absolute damnedest to right the ship (pun intended) and bring back the sorts of things I wanted with a vengeance. I was smiling like a complete fool for 12 hours straight after Here to Help. The ending didn’t fix my issues with the show, not by a fucking long shot, but it at least left me on a positive enough note that there was a feverish enthusiasm to continue it further on my own.

But it’s been tough. Have you or a family member/friend ever gotten bad food poisoning from a restaurant you really liked, and the smell of it makes you queasy afterwards even though you do really like it? That’s probably the best analogy I can draw to a lot of my relationship with SVTFOE since it ended. PLEASE NOTE I’M IN NO WAY TRYING TO EQUATE THE MAGNITUDE OF MY IRE WITH A CARTOON WITH SERIOUS DISORDERS THAT PEOPLE SUFFER FROM, but I’d almost be tempted to liken it to PTSD. Seeing reminders of the painful parts can put me in a bad mood for hours, and on some days even just dwelling on the show in any way will invite creeping negativity and “why the fuck couldn’t it have just-” types of thoughts taking over. There have been some days writing TGG where having to draw inspiration from or reference events/dialogues in S4 was so emotionally taxing that I had to stop writing for the night. I blocked Seddm’s entire askbox tag because I’d find my own emotions frothing into a rage over things in the show people would bring up. I’ve lost acquaintances and potential friendships over my bitterness. I instantly block anyone who posts even a hint of Tomstar/Kellco content in the Starco tags on any site because it induces such palpable negativity in my heart - I think I’m up to 1000 accounts blocked on Instagram right now, which is why Toxic runs the TGG page over there. If you’re one of the people out there that tried to strike up a conversation with me over a shared interest in the show and I vomited bile into your DMs, I sincerely apologize. And to anyone who got wrapped up in the brazen high hopes I put forth here every day as S4 approached and came crashing down with me as a result, I’m sorry for that too.

And yet... I can’t say there’s not a genuine love I still have for a lot of it. I still have my little shrine of stickers and pictures that I’ll sometimes just get let myself get lost in. There was a recent postcanon fic started by someone who just caught up on the show that brought such a depth of warmth into my chest that I’m smiling like an idiot just now thinking about it. I haven’t watched even a clip (let alone a whole episode) that Star and Marco’s voices in my head feel distant and abstract, but when I’m writing chapters I can still get emotional imagining them saying and doing things out of their devotion to one another. I’ve made no secret that I (to put it very very very lightly) have a strong distaste for the vast majority of this fandom, and yet the joy of knowing I could make people’s days or lives brighter gives me a satisfaction I can’t put words to. Don’t get me wrong, writing quickly just isn’t my thing normally anyway - I’m not trying to suggest that the sole reason for TGG downtime is that I’m driving knives into my own heart and pouring my blood onto the page. Just that that’s part of it, and it takes its toll.

The last few months, although I have missed the joy of brewing up fluff ideas and seeing them come to life, have admittedly been a welcome reprieve just not having to think about this stuff so much. In the last few weeks I’ve finally been coming around to a bit of a better place where the good bubbles up without bringing as much of the bad with it. It will likely still wax and wane, and I can’t guarantee if or when TGG will fully finish. And this isn’t my entire life - I have MMOs and card games and all kinds of other hobbies that suck up lots of my time, so don’t worry about me just lying in bed sobbing over S4 for 12 hours a day. I don’t know if the day will ever come when I can truly be at peace with it all, but I don’t want to toss out the good with the bad. All I can ask is for your patience as my own journey evolves alongside my writing, until the day comes when perhaps this story can finally come to a close. Thanks for reading, and stay safe.

Ngame

#starco #tgg svtfoe #ngame

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