#hopefully i get off my ass and finish my hw in time to finish up his horns before work too :P

[steampunkedparm]

need to redye it but!! dayyummm boy thats a more even dye then i was expecting for my first time eve dying clothes >:3

hopefully going out to get more dye (and. fabric markers. i forgot them last time..) tomorrowwwwww i am ecstatic ab this shit

[hajimine]

the way i'm drinking water as i'm writing this 😼 and pls i havent read the manga but like,,, i saw a spoiler ig??? like last week or sum i went thru twitter bc of some mha spoilers pls dont ask me why i always give my friend permission to spoiler me jshsb and i was like ??? tf is jjk doing here 😀 it do be like that ig ✋🏼 also please i just had a whole ass mental breakdown bc one of my top 3 characters in naruto died like i KNEW he was gonna die but still?? im not okay 🚶🏻‍♀️👍🏼 oh and!! ive finished my drawing at like 10pm yesterday and now i have to prepare my presentation for it 😐 wanted to do that hours ago but then i watched naruto and aot 💀 PLS HAVE U WATCHED THE TWO NEW AOT EPISODES THEY HAD ME YELLING AT 11AMSJSHSJ 🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️ also your school 🤝🏼 my school when giving us tons of hw, like bruh i dont even have time to do that one assignment due to tomorrow ahahahaha 😀😀😀 other than that, good luck on your assignments too!! i believe in u 🤲🏻 why am i talking about myself so much smh slap me ANYWAYS i am here for our essays every time!! 😻 gonna prepare that presentation now :// and i hope you ate enough !! 😼 u better have a great evening too why does this sentence give off adult energy ew! many kisses for you too u hottie 😼😼 <33 - 🐉

oh man,,, im pretty sure i saw some spoilers too but i just 🙈 i cant read nope 🙈 WAIT jahdjsjw im sorry abt that are u feeling better now? :,) goodluck on the presentation hottie!! and no bye i havent watched this week’s ep and last week’s ep got cut short right? so idk what that’s about uh 👩‍🦯 and im still on like ep 15 on jjk this is embarrazzin 🧎🏻‍♀️ NAURRR wait is that assignment due today then?? omg goodluck im sending a few of my remaining braincells over to u to cheer u on 🤞🏼☺️ no pls idm i get tired of talking abt myself too much so this is a nice change dw i love listening to other ppl talk (or write,, in our case) and thank you!! i havent eaten lunch yet bc i took a 2h nap help so im just gonna do that now 😁😁 and catch up on my lectures bc i’ve been doing jack shit all day gn this is a nightmare 😿 i hope u have a wonderful rest of your day angel!! eat sth if youre hungry and drink lots and lots of water,, hopefully you’ll finish all your assignments in time yuh kithes for your sexy ass mwa <33

[heysadcollegestudent]

do some of a something at least

depression fucking sucks. i thought that after trying to get back to school for 4 years, finally doing it would lift something, make me feel some kind of better. and some times it does, i guess. but mostly, i'm the same. i don't want to leave my bed. i am genuinely confused as to how people find any will or motivation to do anything, to make any plans, or to ever leave their bed when they don't HAVE to. this past week i did manage to make it to all my classes. i even managed to do my homework and study enough for a quiz to pass it. the week before, i was not so fortunate. it's saturday now. i told myself thursday night that i'd get up and get some homework done on friday, and then friday night, after having done nothing all day but re-watch episodes of criminal minds and the magicians, i promised myself i'd get stuff done on saturday. i didn't. fuck me.

...

it’s monday now. i never did any homework over the weekend. i did manage to make it to the meeting my theatre company had planned on sunday. i felt good about that. today, i missed my first class, and that was probably a bad idea because i have a quiz in that class on wednesday. hopefully, i’ll find time and motivation to study before then. i did go to my second class, and i finished my homework for that class before i got there, so, ya know, that’s good. finishing that hw is why i missed the first class, though... hw that i had weeks before this weekend and this ENTIRE weekend to do. 

my therapist has suggested that i shouldn’t try to be the perfect A student i want to be, but let myself be who i am right now. and while mostly, this week i am starting off feeling like a failure, also, i’m not. because i went to my second class even though after missing my first one, my brain was like, “see you already fucked up today, you are a fuck up, might as well give up the rest of the day,” and i also almost didn’t do that hw at all because my brain was like, “welp, you’re out of time to do a good job on this hw, you’re not going to get a good grade on this, the prof is gonna be like, ‘tf is this,’ so might as well not do it at all.” BUT I DID THAT FUCKING HW, AND I WENT TO THAT FUCKING CLASS. i did it. i half-assed it, hell, quarter-assed it, but something is better than nothing, and i did something and i will be proud of that.

[kae-karo]

[1] hi!! so idk if you've seen dan speaking at the mental health panel or not, but there was one part that hit me really hard and id love to know your thoughts on it! basically he was saying that often content creators, and people in general, are struggling with their mental health the most when it seems like they're thriving (uploading constantly, getting good grades, etc) but everyone thinks they're fine. which is literally my life rn but i can't take a break from overworking myself bc i need

[2] to get into college. do you have any advice abt how to provide for my future while still taking care of myself? also, i just want to thank you for running such a healthy and positive blog bc it has helped me thru some difficult times, and you seem like such a thoughtful and caring person!

hi dear! oh no :( I'm so sorry, that's such a hard position to be in - I havent been in school for a few years, and not in high school since 2012 yikes lmao, so I'm sure things have changed a bit but hopefully I can still give some advice that helps?

I'd say first and foremost, talk to a trusted adult you know in person about how you're feeling - whether that be a parent, older sibling, favorite teacher, advisor, etc. they may have advice more specific to your situation that might take into account details I dont know. and while this is my first piece of advice, it can also be the hardest? sometimes facing our demons and being honest about them with others who have only seen our "good side" can feel impossible, but it can be a crucial step to help build a support system that you can go to when you feel you're struggling

the next thing I'd say is, on a small scale, start taking time for yourself. I know that's like. the hardest thing to do when you have like 6hr of homework a night, minimum, plus clubs or sports or other activities that take time, but literally even sneaking five minutes between some bits of homework to do something that's calming and centering for you can make a difference - if you can grab five minutes to go sit in a space you feel comfortable, away from your work, to breathe and think about something other than your work, that can be helpful

the next one is sorta like. tangential, but take care of your body as well - you're still a growing and developing human, so this is ESPECIALLY important, but drinking lots of water (and not too many sugary drinks/chemical drinks) and eating veggies and getting enough protein can literally make such a big difference in your brains ability to function at it's best. the other important thing here is sleep - every body is different, so keep in mind what your body does best on and (when you can) aim for that. between hydration, good nutrition, and sufficient sleep, you're laying a foundation that can help your brain be more successful throughout the day

I wish, ultimately, i had a perfect answer for the fucked up school system (esp in America which is what I'm most familiar with), but it honestly sets you up to fail. what (unintentionally) worked well for me was having a blow-off class or two - classes that were easy for me (like sign language, or French 1 after I'd already taken Spanish for several years) and could help boost my GPA without stressing me out as much. if you can find those classes- and definitely look for the ones that are easy for YOU, don't just ask around for the easiest classes - that can be a really nice break in your day and help relieve you of some after-school stress

here's another "honesty is the best policy" situation - if you find yourself struggling to understand a concept, or homework is taking you so much longer than some of your peers (or the teacher says theres only an hour of hw a night and you end up spending far longer on it) talk to the teacher! tell them you're struggling, and ask if you can get some help understanding a topic. be specific about what you dont understand (dont just go "I dont get it") and explain your thought process - this can help teachers understand where you're veering off the path and what you might be missing. and, more importantly, if you're coming in for help, they're more likely to be lenient with you because they know you're trying (yes I'm aware that was more a "school help in general" bit of advice but in case that's something you're struggling with)

now heres....maybe some controversial advice. take calculated risks. example: if a teacher has a policy where they drop your lowest homework grade in a class and you're doing alright in that class, but you have a day where you're saddled with WAY too much work for another class where you're struggling, it's okay to say "okay, today I need to go to sleep by 10pm, I can either finish this difficult homework or complete homework for the class that will drop a grade", sometimes it makes more sense to skip that one homework and get a zero to spend time dedicated to the class you're struggling in and get rest. in a similar vein, there is also a limit to studying - there is a point where you physically cannot absorb more knowledge. it is so much better for your brain - both from a focus and memory standpoint - to get a little extra sleep than to stay up late studying well past the point where you will retain knowledge.

now....again, I havent been applying to colleges in ages so my advice might be a bit stale, but colleges tend to look for good grades but also challenging classes, or improvement over time in classes, etc etc. they want to know you're working hard, and that you have diverse interests. college apps are a bit like resumes honestly, except you cant lie about your GPA. but like. you can fluff everything else. literally EVERYTHING becomes fair game with college apps. you can talk about fanfic or a fandom you're in if you phrase it the right way, like there are barely rules lmao. and you can make yourself sound very appealing

so my advice would be basically this: work hard, but learn your personal limits. figure out how much sleep a night makes you feel awake and focused the next day (again, it varies!) and aim for that as much as you can. try to eat nutritiously when you can, and drink lots of water. dedicate time to your homework and studying, but be sure to take regular breaks and ACTUALLY shift your brain away from your work during those breaks. and it's also good to dedicate time to life activities - like I said, colleges want to know you're a diverse person. spend time in clubs you like or playing sports if that's your thing, or do things unconnected to school. and remember, you can fluff that all up on a college app! but also remember - you have to live with you for the rest of your life, and there are so so many paths to a good job or a college education if that's what you decide you want, be sure to prioritize your health as much as you can. the education system tricks you into this never ending cycle of "if I just push through ___________ I'll get to ___________!" and taking that through your life can be really challenging and exhausting. I need to acknowledge that some of this is easy for me to say - I was a good test taker in high school, I went to college, and I bullshitted my way through (that's a whole other story lmao) but like. I need to acknowledge that, by some privilege and luck, I do have a college education. so when i say this next thing, please take it with a grain of salt, but there is more to life than chasing what society tells us to chase - there is family, there are friends, relationships, hobbies and interests and love and dreams and spending hours playing video games and SLEEP and getting sunburned cause you spent too long out under the sun photosynthesizing and collecting pens or shiny rocks and ANIMALS there is so so so much in life and I hate with such a burning passion that, for the first 22 years of our lives, we are told the ONLY thing in life is getting through college, getting a degree. again, I need to acknowledge that I say that with a background of privilege, and that education can help people get out of bad situations, etc, but there are many paths to education and they dont all require you to put life on hold to get there

let me tell u a story real quick, cause my education looks (from the outside) "easy" (turns out I had depression and eating disorders of all kinds yeehaw !!!!). my sister did NOT have an easy time in school - my parents could afford it, so she had a tutor for some of her challenging subjects, but she also dealt with anxiety and depression the entire time. she didnt get into the college she wanted to, but got put in a sort of program where, if she got good enough grades in some community college courses, she could get into the school. so she worked her ass off, dove even deeper into her mental health issues, but eventually did get in. and then she had challenging classes and didnt have a great support system, and she ended up failing out of many of her classes, to the point where she got put on academic probation. so she took a year off, got a job at a daycare, and I have literally never seen her happier or more well-adjusted. shes going back to school now, for early childhood education, and working part time at the daycare while she takes a light course load at school

another story for you - my aunt graduated high school and went straight into the workforce. she came from a dirt-poor family and couldn't afford it. she bounced around a bit, but eventually found company that she worked well with. they paid for her to go to school, and she finally got a degree many years after what we would consider "traditional". she had a few other jobs, but shes been at her current company now going on 20 years, has been through several promotions, and works directly with a c-suite employee. she is also the only woman in her office, a very traditional trucking company where she works with engineers on a daily basis

there are many paths to education, if that's where you want to go, and it's okay if it ends up looking different from the traditional path were told to follow. do what you can to avoid sacrificing your mental health for an education - if its what you want, you will get there. and remember to ask for help along the way!! I hope that helps a little, dear

[randomnameless]

Final chapter - Chalphy to Edda to Dozel !

Seliph starts to conquer the various duchies opposing him, faces the Great Wall (tm) and ends up killing an old man.

But who will inherit the duchy?

Who cares!

(given how the Edda part was too short, i added Dozel)

AND SO,

After years of fighting, Johalva returns home and meets his last brother.

Finally Seliph finishes the Dozel story.

Again, Who cares?

We finally learn the truth about Julia!

and we all say a bif F to Lewyn 

The Great Wall (tm) of Edda! Quite frankly, this part was annoying. Crusader or not, when Ced is targeted by a sleep staff, he sleeps.

maybe this wall was where Kaga thought “what if i make Staff Emblem 776 next?”

He has hard feelings even if he’s asleep! Granted, he didn’t die. Lucky him! And sorry for you, Voltz’s ripoff.

Prince Shanan isn’t being receptive. Scold him Patty! Is this a way to talk to your wife?!

SHE MADE A PIE HERE IT IS SUMIA HAD BEEN TAKING NOTES FROM PATTY’S HANDBOOK - kidding, it’s adorable but i agree with Shanan here.

Light Touch? We’re always needing gold Patty! Go and steal those fools, with your famous wind sword!

Now, he is only worried about your safety, even if he doesn’t know how to show it. he’s trying to look cool (tm) as if he was 12.

Shanan swallows his pride - he loves her (meals)! 

Daw :)

what the flying fuck did you put in this Patty??

DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU’RE TALKING TO??

Shanan wants to kill people, it’s a side effect from Patty’s lunch. Did she put some berserk powder in it?

Well, he’s completely stoned

This is so evil, i love it but don’t forget, Loptyr goon, that you are too, a mortal.

Hopefully Shanan managed to break free from the berserk pie, so Leif kills an old man instead. GG Leif? Why are you talking about damnation dude, did you know you were serving under Loptyr or were you feeling bad because you were ruling over Edda when it’s kind of common knowledge that Claude was murdered by the Loptyrians?

Julius doesn’t give a fig

So maybe Claude’d be happy that his land is now safe, but Claude DID NOT gave his life for Siggy’s cause!

He was branded a traitor because he knew too much from the Blaggi Tower - not because he was a friend of Siggy! Claude and Siggy bonded because they were both branded traitors ; but under no circumstances Claude was branded a traitor because of Siggy!

Honestly Seliph, not everyone died because of Siggy!

:) 

I made a post about it earlier

Giving crap advices #1 : look after them from now on, and completely ignore Lene and Cairpre who have Blaggi blood, and their children. I’m sure it won’t bring catastrophes.

Hopefully no one can look at that screen !

Ooh! If Brian stayed in the kitchen in the castle it’d have been a pain to seize it, OTOH, by charging on Chalphy, he is more dangerous due to his high mobility and stupid stats. Our useless units (Lester) can’t survive a fight with Duke Brian.

Legendary? So that means that the peons we’ve been killing in Isaach, who were with Danan, weren’t Dozel’s finest soldiers but mere peons?

Diarmuid is the son of the man who killed Langbalt, you had no chance.

He is the one and only Dozel slayer! Granted, here, he won’t be killing Brian (because he can’t)

Murder it was, and yes, at least two generations of Dozels were killed by Chalphians “wait i’m not from chalphy i’m leif from leonster” “you’re from chalphy”

The sass! Brian doesn’t call him a traitor though, but a moron! Maybe he still sees him as family, even if he turned against his bro and his dad. It’s kind of wholesome, in a way.

Not the people of Dozel Johalva. But look, he swears to look after his Duchy! yay?

Now Brian is mad, because Johalve mentioned the people? Is it a case where Brian thinks he has the HW so the people must be behind him as the Crusader, and Johalva is spouting nonsense, or Brian being mad because Johalva completely writes him off the future Dozel scenario, meaning that he wants to fight?

You made your big bro mad - honestly, idk if it was on purpose or not, but by his sheer class, Brian is stronger than his siblings and can wreck them without his HW.

Hopefully Ced finished to sleep and uses his magic to kill him. If it weren’t for him though... I wonder how you kill him in a sub only run. He has so much def, Seliph, Ares and Shanan can make the deal?

:’(

This line makes me so sad. Wrong about what? Fighting for the Empire? Why were you even fighting, did you even know what was going on? Did you agree with your dad’s policies in Isaach?

We will never know, and we’re not supposed to give a fig.

Farewell Brian.

i’ve seen this before

stop reusins your friend’s quotes damn it!

“there is a red castle over there, i’m sure we have to seize it somehow. It’s near!”

???

I kept on seeing this all around, but did Quan in FE4 ever mentioned that he wanted to unify the peninsula?

“his GRAND vision” damn it stop putting your words in Leif’s mouth Finn!

Quan’s GRAND vision was most likely to unify the peninsula but to get rid of every Thracian from it first.

“i’ll follow you even in maps were we can’t see a thing!”

Burn in hell - i didn’t hate anyone in FE4 before playing the game but now i do - hell even Chagall is better

yes, let’s play blame the dead. Seliph has had enough of his rant, and wants to continue to listen to his story.

and i thought F!Lewyn said it earlier that the gods were the dragons?

“I can’t say for sure” yes of course :) - but if there is one thing that’s interesting about this character it’s this line “our land’ misery was caused by the power of the dragonkin”

Without HB would Langbalt not be an ass or something? i don’t think so.

Bantu traveled a lot in his younger days, he went to another world! His recollection of the journey must be one of Tiki’s favourite stories.

Naga who? And what scripture? The Blaggi bible?

Bantu = Salamand? what shape did you take, Forseti?

Just like the covenant Erik of Laus wanted to make with Hector and Eliwood!

blood rites, yes. At least it’s not as hardcore as bathing naked in a pool of blood but...

F!Lewyn is upset that Seliph isn’t into blood rites unlike his ancestor Baldur.

“humble” well they managed to survive that far, against people who could magic unlike them! So they were pretty badass!

I wonder if Blaggi was disappointed when he saw the staff - until he learnt what was its power 

Sadly, not all of them. 

Fell power? Here again, being judgmental when you shouldn’t. Granted, we don’t know what was Loptyr, but in this verse, and at that time, the Earth Dragons aren’t reviled as being evil; heck, Medeus is a pretty chill guy right now.

Heim used to be a priest then, but Blaggi founded the church?

OH MY GOD

MAYBE THIS IS THE REASON WHY AZMUR WANTED A MAJOR NAGA ON THE THRONE BACK IN GEN1?

IS THIS WHY BARHARA IS THE RULING HOUSE IN JUGDRAL?

I WONDER WHO THAT IS

oh wait, F!Lewyn told us back in the prologue that it was you Seliph! Remember?

THREE?? WAIT SHE MENTION JULIUS AND AN USELESS CHARACTER IN THE LATEST CHAPTER COULD IT BE

IT MUST BE THAT USELESS CHARACTER

OMG OMG OMG

JULIA IS A PRINCESS???

And how dare you claim you learnt it recently, you spent 6 years with her, when everyone heard about Princess Julia missing, you found a kid clothed with royal clothes in the middle of nowhere, who had the same name as the missing princess, and you didn’t make the link?

F!Lewyn “i was expecting Tahra to fall” can’t fool anyone

LIAR

if it was really your reaction then you would NOT have sent her in Isaach WITHOUT any weapons, not let her out of your sight for even a millisecond, knowing well that without her Judgral is DOOMED

or maybe, if he really learnt it recently he’s all “welp i treated like lester when she was actually important^^”

oh, because if she wasn’t your sister you wouldn’t need to rescue her?! 

FE5!Leif wants to have some words with you two

If she isn’t a plot device i don’t what Julia is

[the-wardens-torch]

Cut because its mostly just some crybaby whining about the new SMN and the resulting depression/identity crisis its put me in. But I just really, really wanted to put it onto words so it will hopefully spend less time rattling around my head.

I must confess, I’ve done barely any of EW’s endgame content.  The only level 90 dungeon I’ve done more than once is The Dead Ends, and that’s just because I’m hoping for the Starbird.  I haven’t even unlocked Pandemonium.

Why? Because EW has rendered SMN (my bae class that I’ve mained since HW) utterly unrecognizable and I just feel… lost without it?

Its a bit of a digression, but classes that have strict rotations tend to really throw me for a loop.  I just don’t have the brainpower or muscle memory to focus on keeping up an optimal rotation and doing fight mechanics at the same time.  But since SMN’s rotation was so slow and disparate, I had a much easier time with it. There was no “forgetting” where I was in my rotation, because all I had to do was take a quick glance at where I was in the DWT-Bahamut-Phoenix cycle and maybe look at Aetherflow/Tri-disaster’s CD times if I was really lost. I liked that it had those different phases and that 2 minute long opener. I liked its DoTs and got a good sixth sense about when to refresh them. The whole thing just worked for me.

So… Fal’s mostly a DNC these days. I like the class a lot because the only “rotation” to speak of is knowing when to time your buffs and Technical Finishes. Its low-stress and its fun. But it doesn’t feel like its “mine.” I don’t feel special or interesting anymore. I miss making the most of a weird class. And the fact that DNC is both  popular AND commonly labeled as the easiest DPS class (except maybe for SMN now dohohoho) doesn’t help.

So why don’t I find another class and git gud?  Because I don’t fucking want to. Practicing rotations isn’t fun for me. I’m not going to study and train for hours so that I can be better at doing the thing that I do to relax.  The most I did to get better at SMN was peek at Akh Morning on my lunch break now and then.  I never used parsers, but I damn well knew I wasn’t dragging my ass.

That said, I AM still going to give the other DPS classes a chance - I’ve only got 3 of them at 90 right now, and some are as low as 60-70 (MCH, NIN, MNK) or not even unlocked (SAM, RPR.) This shit’s just really been getting me down and I needed to get some of it off my chest.

[gardenstateofmind]

i Have to finish this research paper today no option, and im hoping i can get done by 6 and then i Have to do music work which i estimate will take me two hours but if necessary i do have about an hour in between english and music that i can use to finish up work if need be. so im aiming for like 8 am to be done with the absolutely necessary stuff and from then until 9:30 i can just kinda see what i can do in that time. i want to turn in a reading response for english that was due yesterday, so if around an hour and a half will be enough i can get that done and then after music i have 4 hours free until asl, so i can probably get my flashcards done in around an hour, and i Think that's the only hw due, so i should be fine for that unless im forgetting smth and then once i get home it'll be around 8 and i work at 11 am the next morning, i have to wake up at the Latest 10:30. so really i should go to bed at 12 so i can get a Good amount of sleep before work especially since ive barely slept the past two days. in the four hours i technically have free, i should shower and possibly take a bath bc these long shifts have my leg muscles rly sore and i want to feel okay on friday. and i need to eat Something even if it's small. so that really only leaves me with two hours of complete free time. i need to turn in this assignment for music that's already late, so i cannot procrastinate but idk if i can do it in under two hours. and i really want to be able to relax just a little. so i might put it off then friday i get free from work around 7:30 and i dont have work on saturday (my first actual day off that's not bc of school since ive started there lol) so saturday i need to power through the rest of my assignments: two reading responses (parrot and tristan), do the music hw i'll have, and whatever asl i have. that's necessary. it should only be about three hours of actual, so that will probably take six hours. and then i can leave the rest of saturday for Myself. sunday i work 7 am to 2 pm so i have almost a full day free afterward. and i dont work until 2:30 pm on monday. so yeah i have basically a full day to myself, and i should use that to actually get ahead on some work, like my asl flashcards and get started on the next reading responses for english. i have my psych appointment monday too so maybe that's when i can get adderall and Hopefully that'll finally help ;-; and then tuesday i have music and english, which if i do what i need to between sunday and money i wont have to worry abt any homework. so i can take a lil off, and then wednesday is also 2:30 to 7 so it kinda eats up my day. thursday is when my classes should catch up to where i want to get ahead to. i dont have the schedule for next week yet so idk what friday will look like. but i really need to call rutgers so i can move on with my application and get started on fafsa. so like a week from now i want to be completely on track with my immediate responsibilities that i can actually focus on the extra stuff. and i want to have all my rutgers stuff ready to go by the end of april, which should be okay for my classes bc they dont end till like may 20 something, so april will be a work month, no big projects or tests during that time. so yeah this is my plan for the week and general idea for the next month also i guess concerta IS helping a little bc im able to write out these long ass posts, but this is at the max dose and im only barely getting some concentration, so yeah it's still not working well

[assholemurphy]

so, i actually laid down for abt 3 hours instead of doing my itt final. oops. i didn’t even sleep, i just laid there. i mean, i tried, but i couldn’t. so, i’m gonna be out of adderall and my last pill will have worn off probs around the time i get home from shop, so, that’s gonna suck. writing two papers, a script, and reading a play with no adderall is gonna be a bitch. i’ve got my xr, maybe (still haven’t looked to see if i kept it or not, probs not), and that may help, but i’m p much fucking screwed on this one. what should take 4 hours (6 with breaks) is gonna end up taking like, 10, probably. unfortunate.

i’m gonna finish my trunk this afternoon and deal with that. it’ll take abt an hour or so. maybe one and a half. then i’ll be finished with it completely. i dunno if i’ll take it home on fri or wait til after break, it just depends. i wanna bring it home asap so i can use it when i organize my apartment, but it probs won’t be easy to carry bc while it has a handle, it’s significantly heavier than it was before, and i dunno if i’ll be able to find somebody who can help me transport it. but i can try.

one good piece of news from the shitfest that has been this past week: due to the loans i’m getting ($2k more this semester and $2k+ next semester) i’ll be able to cover the other half of the rent on my apartment (my mother will continue paying for half like she has been bc i’m jobless and don’t have the time to get one bc i get 15 hours of concentration per day and i’ve already got classes, rehearsal (if i get a part in the crucible next semester, but i will have to direct a play and design lights for a play later in the semester), shop hours (only 2 per week, but i try to stay the full afternoon, so 4 hours, unless we need a lot of help in the shop, then i’ll be there more, which will probs happen next semester), and a fuckton of homework (i’m currently enrolled in 5 classes for next semester, tho i may add a 6th if it’s offered, i need to check like, right now). i rly do not have time for a job and it’s rly hard to find one that would work with my schedule if i did bc my days are scheduled weirdly. i rly want a job, but like, finding one/actually being able to work is difficult) so i don’t actually need a roommate until fall (when my brother should be going to college) but even then, i could just keep paying it with more loans. not good in the long term, but i’ll deal with that when i graduate. so, i’m rly happy abt that. i’m gonna stick a futon in the extra room for friends, but it’ll mainly be used for art/crafting purposes. that’ll be nice. i’ll also get to decorate how i want and not in a way that ‘looks cute’ bc ewww. i just want punk shit all over the walls and an unholy amount of organizational items, is that so wrong? i also won’t have to worry about listening to the big bang theory theme play for 6 hours straight every night. and i can do hw whenever and not worry abt being interrupted. and i can cook my own meals and organize the kitchen properly (instead of the catastrophe my roommate has turned it into. tupperware in the pots cabinet!? baking pans in the pots cabinet!? things we use regularly on rly high shelves!? two fucking junk drawers!? and the dishes are never done, despite that being her chore (which i wouldn’t mind so much if she didn’t constantly nag me abt cleaning, ya know?)). it’ll be great. i’ll be able to do whatever the hell i want whenever the hell i want. i can watch whatever i want on tv. i can play video games for 6 hours straight (okay, no, i can’t, i don’t have time, but if i did). i’ll be able to have ppl over any time without worrying abt her freaking out. there’ll be space in the fridge and i can properly organize the pantry. god, i can’t wait. gonna be fucking awesome.

i do have to get ready for class now, tho, bc i’ve got to do my hair/makeup and make sure i look nice. then i’ve got to head to campus to print things and fill out forms. then my final. then the trunk. then i’m taking a goddamn nap. then i will worry abt my itt final project when i wake up. i should be up around 7p (bc i should be done in the shop by 2) so i can work on my final until 3-ish, so i should be finished by then, hopefully. i’ll sleep til 9:30a, get ready for my drs appt, turn in my final, see the dr (or see the dr then turn in the final, either way), and come home to pack for break. i would stay and organize things first, but i’m sick af and idk when i’ll be having surgery, so i’m not sure it’s a good idea to stay. i might still, tho, just until i’ve got everything organized (which might take abt 5 days). not too sure, yet. depends on when/if i can get my surgery scheduled. everything revolves around that rn. but i will have my apartment organized before next semester starts. i cannot live with my room this messy anymore, it’s driving me insane. i fucking hate disorganization and messes with a passion. like, i don’t mind clutter, rly, if it’s bc i’m working on something, but otherwise, it’s a big nope.

so, i’m off to get ready for class (after i check to see if the photography course is offered in the spring, might not be bc ik it’s offered in the fall) and take my final. i’m nervous af but i’m gonna do my best to kick ass.

[isuckfeelsbad]

Well guess I'll make a vent blog mb I'll feel better. God I'm so fucking stupid why tf didn't I do it earlier. Now I fucked it up I'm prolly gonna have to get a job now and my mom's gonna get so stressed over this if or when I have to tell her. Like hopefully I'm jus exaggerating but I rly don't wanna have to deal with this j rly wish I could've jus done it right the first time or not put it off to the last minute like I do with fucking everything. Now I'm getting like a fucking minor anxiety attack that's prolly not even one and it's def not as bad as like, ppl with actually anxiety problems yet here I am, making a fucking vent blog cuz I'm trying to make myself feel better over something that was my fucking fault anyways. Why can't I jus go the fuck to sleep I have a midterm tomorrow that I didn't study for and I didnt even finish the hw I needed to today. And now here I am trying to calm myself down cuz I can't even go tf to sleep so I can at least be well rested for my fucking midterm.why am I so extra I don't need a vent blog for this shit tf. grow up Isaac. Why tf u feeling petty cuz he didn't answer ur msg at the drop of a hat . Stop. Go to sleep.grow up. This isn't something u need to cry over jus stop that shit. Push that shit done like u usually do cuz ur fucked up emotionally, or whatever, u fucking drama queen. Stp. Jus calm ur ass down and go to sleep let this fucking vent blog do it job. Pull urself together. Like u always do. Or at least pretend u did until u believe urself. Like you always do.