#hopefully i did this ending justice and i hope y'all enjoyed it

[analogwriting]

Childhood Crush

Chapter 23: Gold

Killer x gn!reader word count: 3.7k a/n: here it is, folks. the last chapter. it's been an absolutely wild ride and thank you all for joining me in this shit show. no, i didn't make it smutty bc i like to try and keep things gender neutral for all parties to enjoy (doesn't mean i might make two different version of a smutty epilogue tho but that would be down the line) Smutilogue (afab, amab)

After your heart slowed down a bit and you could think clearly, you went to move but Killer tightened his grip on you slightly. You stayed where you were, placing your hands over his. “Killer?” you asked in a soft voice. When did he get up? How long has he been awake? How come you didn’t hear him?

“Just…just a minute. Please.” His voice was gruff from not using it, cracking about halfway through his request. You nodded, letting him hang on to you for as long as he needed. You thought of the night in the kitchen when he held onto you as he cried. You couldn’t tell if he was crying now, but he was definitely a little off. Well, he did almost die, so you needed to let him have his moment.

“Here…let me…” You turned around in his arms, wrapping your arms around his neck. He buried his face in your shoulder and held you as you did the same to him. His breathing seemed steady enough, but his heart was racing. 

After a few minutes, you could feel his legs begin to shake. “Let’s get you into a chair.” You pulled from him, grabbing a chair for him to sit. “You shouldn’t be standing anyway,” you scolded gently. He sat in the chair, panting softly. He was already wearing himself out, it seemed.

“Why did you get up? You’re in no position to be walking around yet.” You walked over, grabbing a glass of water from the small hand sink before heading back to hand it to him. 

“I…” He took the water with a small thanks, but just looked into the cup as he thought about his words. “I guess I just wanted to make sure you were real,” he mumbled, sipping his water. You felt heat rise to your cheeks at his words and you refrained from making any other kind of face.

“Well, of course I’m real, Killi. Who the hell else would be able to bring you back from death’s door, hm?” you mused, turning to grab your clipboard. Killer laughed, the fruit amplifying the sound and making it bounce off the walls. You knew that it probably signaled the other’s that he was awake. It was only a matter of time that your brother was here, then.

“I suppose that’s true. Even if some other doctor found us, the question would be not only would they be able to but would they be willing to.” 

You turned to look at him, laughing. “That’s also true.” The Kid Pirates weren’t exactly liked by many. Your brother had a shit attitude, making him easily disliked by others. Honestly, the lot of you were like that. The only people you could really stand were each other. Maybe that was because you’d been around each other for so long. You were all just a bunch of unwanted misfits that found a home in each other. Of course people wouldn’t like the likes of you.

You began to do basic check up procedures, making sure everything was in working order. You changed out some bandages, removing others. His fingers frequently brushed whatever part of you was closest to him as if he wanted to hold onto you but since you were working, he couldn’t.

 “You are healing well, but like I told Eustass, your muscles atrophied while laying in bed.” You looked up from your note-taking. “So, light exercise. I’ll probably just have you do a lap around the ship later to get accustomed to walking around again.”

You reached out, holding his bangs back as you used a small light to check his eyes. “I’ll have to also mix up some medicine later - it’ll help speed up the healing process,” you mumbled, more or less, to yourself. You went to pull away but found that Killer had your hand now.

You blinked, turning to look at him. He pressed a kiss to your palm and your face ignited. What in the world was going on? He was being very touchy and, while you honestly were over the moon, you were a little concerned. 

“Kil-”

“Did I hear what I think I heard?” Your brother’s voice boomed from down the hallway. You rolled your eyes, grumbling. He couldn’t have picked a worse time to show up, honestly. “Let me go make sure he’s not doing anything stupid,” you mumbled, pulling away from Killer. He squeezed your hand softly before finally letting you go. 

Yeah, you two definitely needed to have a conversation when you had a moment.

You walked out of the room, seeing your brother slowly descending the stairs. You folded your arms, leaning against the wall with a smug smile on your face. “It’s okay, tungsten. Take your time,” you mused, watching him. 

That earned you the nastiest glare you’ve seen to date. “You are so lucky I am not at full capacity or your ass would be grass.”

A laugh erupted from you and you walked over as he reached the bottom of the stairs. You knew they probably took a lot out of him. He slung his arm around you, leaning into you a considerable amount. “So, he’s awake?” Eustass looked at you. You nodded at him. “He’s awake and fine. Just-”

“Take it easy. Yeah, yeah.” He rolled his eyes.

When the two of you walked into the room that Killer was in, he stood up, meeting your brother half way as they embraced each other. You started hearing the herd of footsteps as the rest of the crew started running down the hallway.

“Incoming,” you mused, stepping out of the way as everyone tumbled in. 

“Care- oh, forget it,” you mumbled, rolling your eyes. You’ll just have to deal with whatever aftermath they’ll end up being. You let them all have their moment, slipping out to go and start preparing some dinner.

--

You decided that since Killer was finally awake, you’d make his favorite this time. After washing your hands, you started the process of making the dough for the pasta. You had a transponder snail playing music quietly in the background as you hummed along with it. 

Once again, you felt the strong arms of a certain someone wrap around you. You didn’t tense up this time, just letting it happen as you kept kneading the dough. “Are you making what I think you’re making?” he asked into your neck.

“Figured I’d make your favorite since you’re finally awake.” He just grunted in response before falling silent for a moment.

“Y/n?”

“Yes?” 

“There’s something I need to tell you.” You felt your heart almost stop. For the most part, you had a feeling that you knew exactly what he was going to say. After all, he pretty much hadn’t stopped touching you since he woke up. Not to mention the silent confirmation from the festival.

You went to turn around but he kept you in place. “No, no. Don’t turn around. I’ll lose what little confidence I mustered to say this.” 

You stopped, nodding. You were quiet, letting him find his words.

“When I was…dying,” he paused and you winced at his word choice. He wasn’t wrong, but that didn’t mean that you liked hearing it. “My life flashed before my eyes. Something that I realized during that time was that every memory and every moment that passed through was you. I know we all grew up together, so it makes sense that you would be a part of them but you were the sole focus of them.” You felt your face heating up, wanting to know what he was getting at. “You’re my life, y/n.”

“There were so many times I wanted to tell you, but never had the confidence. After we found you alive in Wano, I wanted to tell you, but never really got the chance. Especially after you announced that you were staying. I-” He took a deep breath. “I didn’t want to seem like I was trying to manipulate you into staying. That, and everything with the SMILE fruit, I just didn’t have the confidence anymore. I told myself that I’d tell you whenever you returned.”

His grip tightened on you a bit more, but you didn’t say anything. He wasn’t crushing you, but you could feel his yearning, and everything else that wasn’t being said, through his touch. 

“I regretted not telling you everything from the beginning. Y/n, I-” His words caught in his throat and you were deadly still, waiting for him to just say it already.

“From the moment I first saw you when you barged into the captain’s room that day…” He swallowed hard. You were glad you were turned around right now because your face was on fire. For that long? 

“From the moment I saw you in the captain’s room, you swept me off my feet. The way you took care of all of us without batting an eye. The sacrifices you made to take care of those you cared about. The way you kept saving our asses again and again. You never once complained or talked about how unfair it was. You were so strong in so many ways. You are so strong in so many ways.” You could hear your heart pounding in your ears as he spoke. Your whole body was on fire right now. 

“There’s so much I want to say, but I can’t figure out how to say it but…” He buried his face into your neck a little more as his grip grew more firm as if he was afraid you’d disappear at the drop of a hat. You knew he wasn’t the best at expressing his thoughts and feelings, so you were surprised he’d said this much. 

“I love you, y/n. I always have. From the moment I met you. And it only grew stronger over the years. I never once stopped thinking about you. You were always on my mind. Even in what I thought were my last moments, you were all I could think about.” Your breathing caught in your throat.

He let out a long sigh, finally loosening his grip on you. You were standing there for a moment, letting his words sink in. It was in that moment that you realized you were crying yourself. Mind spinning, heart racing - you might just pass out at this point. You must’ve been quiet longer than you thought because Killer spoke up. “Y/n?”

You turned around, looking up at him. There was surprise in his eyes soon replaced with panic. He took your face in his hands, wiping away your tears. “I-I’m sorry. Was that too much? Did I-” You gently placed your hand over his mouth to get him to stop apologizing for a moment. It was your turn to try and find your words.

“No, no.” Your words were a bit strained with all the emotion that was currently coursing through your body. “I’m just…happy.” You let out a small laugh, sniffling. You looked up at him, smiling widely. “Seems we’ve both been in the same boat. Ever since I saw you in Eustass’ room that day, you swept me off my feet.” Your heart was pounding and you wished it would just fucking settle down because you felt sick.

“I just always assumed that you viewed me as an older sibling just like the rest of them. You were my brother’s best friend, I was sure there was some kind of rule against that? Bro code or whatever.” That earned a laugh from Killer. Still haunting, but you knew you’d be able to fix that soon enough.

“It’s been the same for me, Killer. I’ve been so in love with you for so long. I figured it was always one sided. I honestly thought it was just a childhood crush, but it only grew as the years went on. Hearing you say those words is honestly a dream come true.” You put your hands over his before pulling him down so you could place a kiss on his cheek. 

Due to the SMILE fruit permanently pasting that smile on his face, it made kissing an impossibility. But, you could wait. He didn’t know, but you did. It was only a matter of time.

“I…honestly didn’t think you could love a monster like me after what happened in Wano. I figured you’d be repulsed at the sight of me,” he said, looking at you. “But, you never once looked terrified of me. Nor disgusted. Not even when I was Kamazo.”

You reached up, placing a hand on his cheek and shaking your head. “I could never think of you as a monster. SMILE fruit or not, you’re the same man I’ve always loved. I don’t care what you look like. You could’ve grown a second head or a third arm and I’d still love you.” You smiled up at him, his face warming up.

“Well, it’s about damn fucking time.” Your brother’s voice rang through the kitchen and the two of you jumped, looking over and seeing him with the rest of the crew. There were some misty eyes, some smug grins, and some sniffles. “Heat, Wire, you both owe me 200 berries,” Eustass said, looking back at them and they groaned. There was some murmuring amongst everyone. Did everyone have a fucking betting pool about the two of you?

“No one knows them better than I do.” A shit eating grin spread across his face.

Once your initial shock was over, you finally found your voice. “EUSTASS WHAT THE HELL?” You were fuming. “How long have you fucking been there?” This was an invasion of privacy! Your brother just crossed his arms over his chest, that smug grin not leaving his features. “Long enough.” He shrugged and you felt your eye twitch.

You started after him but Killer grabbed your arm. “Careful, doctor. He’s still healing.” Your jaw dropped and you glared at him. “I will kick your ass too. I’m a doctor. I can kick your ass and patch you up like nothing happened. Don’t fucking tempt me.” You shot a look at your brother and the rest of the crew and they scattered. Though, Eustass, Heat, and Wire stayed. They didn’t fear you in the slightest.

Something dawned on you. “Hold the fuckin’ transponder snail.” You turned your attention to the trio in the doorway. “How long have you known?” You put your hands on your hips, glaring at them.

Eustass shrugged. “Since we were teens.” Your mind nearly exploded. That long? “How come no one fucking said anything?”

The three of them shrugged. “Not our place,” Wire said. You sighed. That was true. It wasn’t their place to say anything. 

“Not that we didn’t try to get Killer to confess. Man’s stubborn as shit,” Heat piped up. You slowly turned, looking at Killer who rubbed the back of his neck. 

“I was just afraid to lose you as a friend. I couldn’t live with myself if you ended up hating me for saying something.” Fuck, how the hell was he so sweet with a name like Killer? You never could figure that out. “You’re also so intimidatingly out of my league,” he mumbled and your eyes widened. 

“You thought what?” Your voice came out as a high pitched squeak as those words left his mouth. Your face was once again on fire. The trio in the doorway burst into laughter and you shot them a glare but it only made them laugh more.

You let out a long sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose. Irritating as always. You felt Killer wrap his arms around you from behind and you relaxed a little.

“Just don’t get too loud when you two start boning,” Eustass said with a shit eating grin. 

Your entire body went white hot and your eyes widened. “EUSTASS!” You tried to run at him, but Killer kept you in place as the trio cackled and ran off, away from your wrath.

--

For the next week, Killer was practically glued to your hip. Whatever you were doing, he was right there helping you in whatever way he could. Both him and your brother were much better now. Your brother was back to barking orders and working in a makeshift workshop. You knew that if you didn’t have one on this ship, it wasn’t going to be well for anyone. It’s how your brother calmed down, after all.

Today, you decided it was time. Killer was healing well and he seemed to be back at full capacity, so you knew it would be safe to administer the antidote. Your brother was also constantly harassing you about it. “He’s just fine. You’re stalling.” You just shot him a glare every time and he returned the favor. Finally, you were giving in. 

You were rummaging around in the drawers of your desk for a moment before you found what you were looking for. You stood up, Killer suddenly standing over you. “What are you looking for?”

You nearly jumped out of your skin, nearly taking a tumble before Killer caught you and pulled you to him. “For fucking fuck’s sake. You’re going to end up giving me a heart attack, Killi,” you mumbled, straightening yourself out.

He laughed, the noise ringing off the walls and you looked up at him. His helmet was currently being rebuilt by Eustass as his was destroyed in the altercation with Shanks, so he’d been without it all week. He stopped, noticing your expression. Concern shown in his eyes. “What’s wrong, y/n?” 

“You remember how you called me out for not telling the truth about why I stayed in Wano?” The air suddenly shifted to a more serious tone.

He nodded, watching as you moved to face him. “Well, you were right. As you typically are when you call me out. I was working on something.” You held up a small vial. 

“What is it?”

“Take it.”

He blinked, looking at you. “I don’t understand.”

“Take the vial and drink it.”

He took the vial slowly, looking between you and the small object. “Is it going to taste like that medicine you gave me last week? I thought I was all good?” His eyes narrowed and you laughed. You shook your head. “No, I already told you. I made that taste like ass because that was my way of getting back at you for almost dying. This doesn’t taste anything like that.”

He looked at you for a long moment before popping it open and throwing it back. He handed it back to you, looking at you expectantly. For a moment, your heart stopped. Why wasn’t it working? Was there a time frame you didn’t know? Was this one a dud?

Then you saw it. His smile unfurling at the edges and his features slowly relaxing. His eyes widened and complete shock took over his face. His face. Not just his eyes. “Wh-”

“That’s why I stayed in Wano, Killer,” you said softly. 

He stared at you with his shocked expression and for a moment, you were worried you’d broken the poor man. “Ki-” 

His hands were suddenly cupping your face as he pulled you into the most passionate kiss you’d ever experienced. Well, it was the only kiss you’d ever experienced, but either way you were over the moon. You let out a surprised noise, but wasted no time in wrapping your arms around his neck and deepening it. He lifted you up, placing you on the desk as you wrapped your legs around him and pulled him closer. 

You felt him smile against you. Actually smile his own, genuine smile and you couldn’t help but mirror him. His hands traveled down to your hips, gripping you firmly causing you to whine against his mouth and your hands, that were currently wrapped up in his hair, tugged on his hair roughly causing him to let out a growl against you. Your heart started racing with excitement.

After a few moments of kissing and groping at each other, he pulled away, resting his forehead on yours as he panted softly. You were doing the same, looking deep into his eyes with a breathless laugh. 

“I’ve been waiting to do that forever,” he said, looking at you. “Dreamt about it.”

You quirked an eyebrow, grinning. “Oh? And what else did you dream about?” you cooed, one of your hands playing with his goatee as you looked at him. You watched as his face grew more and more red by the second.

“Holy fucking shit, lock the fucking door next time!” Eustass’ voice interrupted the both of you and the two of you looked over. The both of you looked at each other before erupting into a fit of laughter and you couldn’t help but stare at Killer in awe as you finally heard his laugh again. It wasn’t haunted and distorted by the SMILE fruit anymore. It was one hundred percent Killer and you couldn’t be more in love with it - with him.

Eustass’ face lit up. “Wait. Did you finally do it, Bigs?”

You looked over at him, nodding as you unwrapped your legs from Killer and let him go.

Killer looked between the two of you. “So you knew this whole time, captain?” 

Eustass nodded. “Your secret wasn’t the only one I was keeping. Which, I’m glad it’s all out. That shit is the worst.” He rolled his eyes and you laughed. 

“I’m honestly surprised you were able to keep any secret at all,” you mused. 

He looked at you with a droll expression. “Whatever. Well, I’ll let you get back to shagging, just clean up whatever mess you make and don’t be too loud. I don’t really wanna hear my older sibling getting railed.” He turned to head out of the room.

You felt your face grow white hot. “EUSTASS!”

[myown-worstenemy-2003]

Someone Else Callin' You Baby?

A/N: Hey y'all! I'm back on my bullshit with a mini-series! This is "chapter one" of the series! Can't wait to see the reactions to this! I hope you enjoy, and let me know any feedback that you have! If you feel up to it send me a request and I will do my best to give it justice!

Summary: You and your daughter are new to Hawkins, what's going to happen when you find your boyfriend, Billy Hargraves with someone else in his car?

Word Count: about 1300

"A-B-C! It's easy as one, two, fwee!" you hear from the backseat. You look into the rearview mirror, your five-year-old daughter was in her car seat looking out the window and singing along to The Jackson Five. You were on the way to see your boyfriend and for him to finally meet your daughter. It had taken you a few months for you to even think about letting him meet your daughter. But you ended up deciding that you liked him enough to let him meet her, that was today's plan.

You flicked on the turn signal as you came to the stop sign. You look at the house on the corner, home to your boyfriend, Billy. But you saw his car backing out of his driveway. You frown in confusion, did he forget that you were coming over today?

It was when he was leaving his road was when you caught a glimpse of someone in the passenger side, a woman to be specific. She was messing with the radio like she'd done it a million times before.

It wasn't until someone honked behind you that you realized that you still sitting at the stop sign. You turned off your turn signal and went straight instead.

"Are we there yet, Mommy?" Rhiannon asked, curious. You at her in the rearview mirror and said, trying to keep the tears from falling, "I think we're going to go to the park instead, is that okay?"

She nodded and them asked, "What about your friend? Is your friend coming to the park too?"

"No honey, somethin' came up, and they can't make it this time."

"Otay, Mommy."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"Mat 'n cheese, Mommy!" Rhiannon said excitedly whenever she got her kid's menu and started coloring. You smiled back to her, "Yes baby, you can have mac 'n cheese."

After you both got your food, Rhiannon was eating her mac n' cheese with her fork, sloppily but it was getting the job done.

You started thinking.

Two weeks ago that you and him. Riding down back roads, and singing along to the radio. Well, more like you were singing to the radio.

As you were thinking, you looked around and noticed that people were looking at you and whispering.

You're just being paranoid. You thought to yourself.

You heard 'Billy' whispered with your name along with someone else's name that you couldn't quite hear. You decided that it was time to go.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Billy called you to hang out, that was when you got some answers.

"I don't know Billy, I've been kinda busy and want to stay in with my daughter tonight," you told him.

"But we haven't see each other in weeks. I just miss my girl."

"Am I though?"

Billy paused, "What?"

"Am I your girl?"

"What makes you think that?"

"I saw you with another girl when I was going to bring my daughter over for her to meet you. A few days later, I heard people talkin' about us at the diner."

"Baby, I'm sorry, I forgot that we had that planned! My sister needed a ride to-"

You cut him off, "Just tell me, do you still want me to be in your life or not. That's all I want to know."

He was quiet for a second. The he spoke up, "Can I just have a little time to think and make sure that I'm ready to give you everything I have?"

You nodded your head, "Yes. When your ready, I'll be here. Just...keep in touch too. I still care about you. I'll see you later, okay?"

He gave you a long hug and then you left. Not exactly happy with the result but it was a start to something hopefully.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"Let's see, what kinda cereal should we get?"

"Hmmmm, Toast Cwunch!" Rhiannon said excitedly. You both were in the store getting groceries for the week.

"Perfect choice baby girl!" you said excitedly with her, and put the box in the cart. You pushed the cart to move down the aisle and Rhiannon shouted, "Onwawd!"

While looking down the pasta aisle you spotted a familiar head of hair, a strawberry blond mullet, with a familiar denim jacket on his shoulders. You smiled and waited for him to turn around so you could wave at him, but as he did, you saw he was holding hands with another woman, that was not his sister.

You quickly backed out of the aisle. It was time to have the talk about you guys.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You just put Rhiannon to bed and was watching TV while eating popcorn, when there was a knock on your door. You got up from your spot on the couch and answered the door.

There stood Billy leaning against the doorway, looking up at you with his charming smile that worked on you when you first started dating.

"Hey (Y/N), I missed you."

"Hi Billy, come in," you let him in and close the door behind you. You stand in the middle of the living room with your arms crossed, "How've you been?"

"Good, I've been meaning to call you and take you out," he said with his 'charming' smile again, now that smile just made you mad.

"Just been a bit...busy?" you asked with a little venom dripping in your voice.

"Yeah...a little busy," he looked at you for a second after picking up on your voice, "How about you?"

"Who was the girl that you were with in the grocery store the other day?" you asked out of nowhere. You could see that he was taken aback.

He didn't know that you saw him.

"I was with my cousin."

"Oh, really? You hold hands with your cousins?"

He threw his head back, and you said, "Just tell me what you really want. You wanted time and space, so I backed off and let you have that. I didn't think that it meant movin' along. So if you are callin' someone else baby just tell me. Bein' in the dark is drivin' me crazy and I just need to know."

He looked at you like he didn't know what to say.

"Look, it'll be what it will be, it's either her or me. Give me the word and you can be free and I'll leave you alone. If you're over me, just lay it on me. Just rip the Band-Aid off. So...are you seein' someone else?"

He looked away and quietly said, "Yes. I am."

"Okay. That's all I needed to know. Thank you. I'll see you around Billy," you said in monotone voice and opened the door for him and he walked out. He looked back once and then walked to his car and left.

You closed the door as he left, you sighed as you sat down on the couch. That's when you let the tears flow.

[the-widow-sisters]

I’m Lost Without You

Summary: Shuri burned the mourning garments to try to let go. The funny part is that despite how liberating the gesture was meant to be, she finds herself filled with nothing but regret and pain as thoughts of T'Challa endlessly plague her.

However, that evening on the beaches of Haiti, someone pays her a small visit.

Word Count: 2893

A/N: Whoo!!! I busted this one out after watching Wakanda Forever, and I honestly have no clue what I'm doing 🤣 I was emotionally compelled, so I rolled with it, lol. I have never written for these characters before (I wrote for Shuri like once but it was one or two lines in a bigger fic that was not centered on her). But I've never read nor written stuff for these characters, so hopefully it's not totally bad 🤣😂💖

Honestly, Shuri has lost so much. More than even Yelena in some ways (and that was a shocker for me) 🥺😭 And her and T'Challa's relationship was so touching and so sad for me. I hope I was able to do it justice 💞

I hope y'all enjoy! 💗💗💗

Warnings: Spoilers for Wakanda Forever.

  Shuri felt her lips trembling as she looked at the ocean, trying her best not to look down at what was left of her mourning garments there in the smoldering fire that had gone out since earlier that day.

  She had spent some time with little T’Challa, but she had not been able to fully shake the sense of grief that had been brought back tenfold from earlier that day. Therefore, she had ended up back on the beach that night after the boy and Nakia had gone to bed, barely containing her tears.

  Strangely enough, Shuri found that she may have burnt the clothes of mourning, but she had not found the peace or release that her mother had spoken of. And she was having the hardest time even finding a sense of remotely okay.

  “Why did you have to go? I needed you still. I need you now,” Shuri whispered softly, her knees digging into the sand as she closed her eyes tightly where she was kneeling. Her entire body was shaking with the raw pain wracking her frame.

  “You were the good one. You were always good and right when I was not,” Shuri confessed to the night air around her, sobbing harshly as she felt the sand beneath her palms. The waves were rolling softly around her, and she felt as if her heart were being ripped out of her chest.

  It was the first time that she had truly faced her grief for T’Challa and she despised the fact that it took their mother’s passing to do that, because now she had to suffer through the pain of two of the largest, most vital pieces of her heart being an empty hole.

  She chose peace with Namor, but she had not even made peace with herself. She was alone, and she could not accept it. And in the end, the person that she had needed the most was gone. She loved her mother, but at the end of the day, it was her brother’s passing that she could not accept.

  He was never coming back and she had been trying to avoid that fact— fighting it tooth, fang, and toenail— for too long. It was true, she could say it aloud. She felt that she was being stabbed every time she did, but saying it and shortly thereafter distracting herself was different than allowing herself to feel. To legitimately and deeply feel his loss.

  In her lab, Shuri could lull herself into the false sense that she was simply in her domain, and he would come in at any moment with his big, far too easygoing smile and those ridiculous sandals that she hated. The ones that he thought were so regal and kingly and that she thought were the dumbest things she had seen in a while.

  She took in a deep, shuddering breath, and she looked to the sky, addressing him even more directly or at least as directly as she could.

  “You left me. You didn’t tell me. You kept it to yourself for so long, and when you asked me to save you, it was too late. Why did you have to do it that way? I could have helped if I had time,” she explained, nothing but desperation in her words as she felt her throat closing up.

  “Didn’t you know you were my world? Didn’t you know that you meant everything to me?” Shuri pleaded aloud, knowing there would be no answer.

  That was part of what hurt so much. There would be no answer to her words. She honestly did not know why she was talking aloud right now when she was wasting her breath. She had seen her ancestors and all she saw was her cousin, the last person she had wanted to speak to.

  She had hoped to see him. He had forsaken her. She knew that her cousin was the best person that she could have seen given the direction that she had been frighteningly close to turning, but she had still hoped to see her brother.

  He had been taken from her too soon and now she felt like the rug was pulled out from under her. She was completely alone now outside of little T’Challa, who she did not know at all outside of introductions.

  Worst of all, she did not have the man who had made her feel safe. The man that had been her hero.

  Her big brother.

  “I’m lost without you, big brother. I am alone,” Shuri brokenly confessed to the warm night, a sob wracking through her as she bowed her head and crumpled in on herself.

  She sobbed for what felt like an eternity, nothing but the sound of the waves accompanying her, but to her shock, she suddenly felt a familiar, strong yet soft hand on her shoulder.

  “Why do you cry, little sister?” a voice replied, and Shuri swallowed as she raised her head quickly, turning to look behind her to where the source of the hand was.

  There was her brother kneeling behind her, his warm, dark eyes watching her calmly and lovingly. He was wearing gorgeous robes fit for the king that he was, and she felt her entire being in utter shock.

  “T’Challa? My… my brother,” Shuri barely managed to whisper before she threw herself upon him, her arms around his neck as she brought him into a suffocating embrace.

  His arms lifted to hold her against him, and she sobbed into his shoulder as he brought his hand up to the back of her head, holding her securely and safely there. She took in a breath, the scent of home filling her as she shut her eyes tightly, grasping for better purchase as he held her. Her fingers were digging into his robes, but if it hurt him, he did not show any true evidence.

  He was filled out and healthy like he was before, and he was strong. He was not the weakened husk of her brother that he had been at the time of his passing. He was there.

  She reached her hands up, feeling his neck and head as she sobbed deeply and heartbrokenly. She was taking in the feel of him, remembering her hero as he kept her held safely where the grief and pain could not touch her.

  “You are here,” Shuri managed to speak, tearstains on her face as the moisture wetted her cheeks and her brother’s clothes.

  “I am,” he replied, and his voice sounded oddly heavy in the emotion just beneath the surface. Shuri furrowed her brow in slight confusion, her breaths shaking as she struggled to calm them.

  “But I will not be here for long,” he confessed, and she pulled back to look at him. He had a gentle smile on his face, and he was looking at her with just as much adoration as he had in life, but she quickly came to the full realization that he was truly not there with her and that it was merely a dream.

  After all, the atmosphere surrounding her was completely different. The waves falling upon the beach had subsided with the ocean turned into a lake, and gorgeous pink, blue, and purple lights were shining in the sky above. It was not real. He was a spirit.

  “You’re not here,” she pointed out, withdrawing from him a little more. He let his arms fall away slowly from her, looking at her somewhat sadly.

  “Not in body. But in spirit,” he expressed, and Shuri just looked at him sadly, feeling her heart ache as she looked away, moving back so that she was sitting on the sand next to him. He moved so that he was sitting down with her, and there was quiet between them.

  “Why are you sad?” he asked, and Shuri let a somewhat bitter huff pass between her lips.

  “Our mother is gone. You are gone. I have no one left that truly knows me. Is that not a reason to be sad?” Shuri asked, and he shook his head carefully.

  “Death is not the end—"

  “Everyone keeps saying that,” she interrupted quickly at the end of his statement, desperation and bitterness stifling her. He quieted, eyeing her as he considered her words.

  “You are not completely alone.”

  “Yes, you have a son that I never knew about,” Shuri pointed out, just looking at him for a long moment as she stared at him. She honestly was quite hurt about the fact that he had hidden it from her when their mother had known about it.

  “I only told Mother because she had a right to know that there would be an heir,” T’Challa explained.

  “And what about me? Did I not have a right to know that my big brother had a child? One that I could have spent time with and gotten to know? One that I have lost so much time with already?” Shuri pointed out, and he was quiet, looking down at the sand before redirecting his attentions to her.

  “I’m sorry,” he apologized, nothing but remorse in his gaze, and Shuri met his eyes for a long moment before sighing deeply, looking away.

  They remained quiet for a little while, the both of them just sitting together in one another’s company. Finally, Shuri spoke up, her voice rough with raw emotion.

  “I am the Black Panther now. And I am completely lost without you,” Shuri confessed, her voice soft, and he was silent as he considered what she said.

  “You have been making the right decisions. You are ready,” he assured her, and Shuri swallowed as she shook her head.

  “I do not feel ready. I am not ready to take your mantle. I am not ready to be the Black Panther. I have never been. The Black Panther was you. Father bore the name, but it was you,” Shuri expressed, pain stabbing sharply within her. He eyed her with sympathy but also with a certain exhaustion and weight.

  “Little sister… You are ready. You are prepared to handle this burden. I knew you would be before my passing,” he told her, and she clenched her teeth as she quickly stood up and walked a small distance away, looking out at the lake. She did not want to hear him discuss his own death.

  He let out a sigh, and she felt her heart aching with pain as tears threatened to come back to her eyes.

  “You have to do this without me,” T’Challa explained softly from where he was sitting on the sand behind her. Shuri instantly felt the emotions bubbling up in her chest and she clenched her teeth, turning around quickly.

  “Without you?! How am I supposed to make it without you?! You were everything to me. You knew how to do all of this. You are gone! Father is gone, Mother is gone, and you are gone. And I am alone!” Shuri cried as she raised her voice, the sound of it pained and cracking as she grew increasingly distraught with the truth bearing harder and harder upon her.

  T’Challa looked at her carefully before slowly getting up. Her chest was heaving with pained breaths, and she was trying her best to ignore the painful lump welling up in her throat. He approached her carefully, pausing just in front of her as he looked at her.

  “Can you see the wind?” he questioned suddenly and the randomness of the question threw her off completely. She just gaped at him blankly.

  “What?” she asked, utterly shocked. T’Challa smiled a little, his eyes glowing with a bit of mirth before he asked her again.

  “Can you?” She paused, not sure what the correct answer was supposed to be since it felt like a trick question.

  “Well, no…”

  “But you feel it, yes?”

  “I suppose,” she replied slowly, confusion thoroughly plaguing her, but she decided she would go along with it momentarily. T’Challa seemed to sense her lack of understanding, and he huffed softly before his dark, warm eyes met hers once again.

  “Close your eyes,” he told her, and she stared at him for a moment, not sure what he was getting at. She looked away for a moment before closing her eyes with a deep sigh.

  After a brief moment, she felt his hand on her shoulder, and she furrowed her brow.

  “What do you feel?” he asked, and she cursed how her voice was wanting to leave her.

  “You,” she managed to force out.

  “You cannot see me?” he stated patiently in a manner that was more of a question, and she shook her head, not sure what he was trying to communicate.

  “Just because you cannot see me, does not mean that I am not there. I will always be with you to guide you,” T’Challa assured her softly, and Shuri opened her eyes to look at him.

  He was looking down at her with such confidence and love as he brought his other hand to touch her other shoulder, squeezing gently. Shuri stared back at him, feeling her heart squeeze painfully.

  She slowly nodded, unable to do anything but numbly reply to him. She did not have much hope that he would be there, but something in her believed him, nevertheless. He never let her down in life, so why would he let her down now?

  He smiled knowingly at her. Shuri let out a deep breath, bringing her hands up to grasp at his arms.

  After a long moment of the both of them just existing in the same space, silence between them, she finally found her voice enough to speak up again.

  “Why did you not tell me in time to save you?” Shuri asked, and he eyed her, a certain regret and softness in his eyes.

  “I wanted to protect you from the pain,” T’Challa expressed, and she just eyed him wordlessly.

  “I wanted to protect you from the pain,” Shuri echoed, the both of them having two different meanings but seeking the same effect. He nodded, understanding glowing in his gaze as nothing but kindness filled his features.

  “It was not really bad until the last of it, and that was when I knew I needed to tell you,” he confessed to her, and she felt the tears threatening to come to her eyes yet again.

  “If you would have only told me before… I could have saved you,” Shuri told him.

  “That is unfortunately something we will both never know for sure,” he resignedly confessed, and she reluctantly nodded, hurting deep within despite knowing that it was the truth. Perhaps the fact that it was the truth was the part that hurt the most about it.

  She squeezed his arms and he tightened his grip on her shoulders, leaning forward as their foreheads touched softly. She closed her eyes, reveling in the love that she felt from him despite the pain.

  “You did the best you could despite my choices. Just,” he took in a deep, shaking breath, and she could not help but feel tears running down her face as she worked her jaw.

  “Know that I will always be here. I will always believe in you. And I will always love you, little sister.”

  Shuri swallowed hard, pain in her heart but also love as she tightened her grip even more, begging for just a few more moments of this respite from her reality where he would not be here holding her.

  She knew this was their goodbye, but she wanted longer. Just five more minutes. Five more seconds.

  Just more time.

  But as it was, she would make the most of what shred of time she had left.

  “I will always love you, big brother,” she whispered in reply, and he pushed his head into her just a little harder, her body shuddering with the pain and the tears running down her face. His hands softly came up to hold her neck gently, the both of them remaining there silently as his hands slowly faded away.

   ………………………………………………………………………………………………………

      Shuri stirred awake, her eyes shooting open as she jerked a bit. She realized that the sunrise was falling upon her, and she raised up quickly, looking around her. She let out a breath of disappointment as she realized tears were running down her face. She swallowed hard, the waves rolling in the water as she felt the warmth of the sun descending upon her.

  She swallowed hard, looking down as she shut her eyes tightly and drew in on herself.

  However, to her absolute and utter shock, the wind suddenly blew oddly strongly against her back, almost knocking her over. Her eyes shot open and they widened a little, chills running through her as she felt something suspiciously warm against her shoulder.

  She looked behind her, knowing what she would not see but nevertheless finding it necessary to confirm it to herself.

  As she expected, there was not a person there, but she knew. She could feel it. Shuri took in a deep breath, looking out at the ocean before her as she mustered the barest of smiles.

  “I feel your guiding hand, big brother. I… I won’t let you down,” Shuri whispered.

  She could not see him, but he was there.

  He always would be.

[jordanincambodia]

An action packed ending to the first chapter. Yahoo!

As many of you are well aware, I am now home in San Francisco with my family for the holidays!! I'm so happy to be with them again and still processing the 6 months that somehow felt like several years passed in the blink of an eye for me, and if that doesn't make sense to you, try to imagine the state of my brain right now.

The month of December, though the main theme felt like goodbye😢 , had so much good work of the Lord in church, work, friends, and my cats. It left me feeling in awe and so thankful for this opportunity to travel to Cambodia, meet some amazing people, and take part in the Lord's work being done in this country.

Here is the Groundwater Practicum I helped organize and attend! We had WASH non-profit organizations present, including Samaritan's Purse and ClearCambodia, as well as groundwater experts from the US and New Zealand. The event was designed to have the experts speak, equipping local organizations to more ably pursue effective, sustainable, and even cost-reducing practices with providing drinking water and groundwater wells to communities in Cambodia. I enjoyed learning about groundwater and so much information was shared at this smashingly successful 4-day event!

The weekend before the Groundwater Practicum, I ran the Ankor Wat half-marathon, a loop that goes around a huge temple near the tourist city of Siem Reap. Here is one of the blurry photos I took during the race as I struggled to avoid veering off the road and crashing into the bushes. Overall, the race went well as I finished in less than 2 hours- and Siem Reap is a beautiful city with yummy food that I highly recommend for anyone visiting southeast Asia!!

Out of all the things I did in my visit here, including working on engineering projects, going to the gym, and even getting bit by mosquitoes, the hardest thing for me was saying goodbye to good friends. Brendan (my fellow intern) and I had touching sendoff parties at Every Nation Church, EMI office, and even at home in a cookie decorating party with our friends. I am already missing the meaningful relationships that were forged in my short time here. I am so thankful for the opportunity to have met such amazing people and pray constantly that I will be able to return!

At our work retreat, people spoke kind words of encouragement and appreciation, and prayed over Brendan and I as we prepared to come back to the US. So thankful for all of the lessons learned, the culture we were able to experience, and the people we met along the way.

Thank you for following my blog! It was so hard to write these because they just don't do my whole experience justice. But at the end of the day, I just wrote what I could and hopefully it helps you see that God does deserve all of the glory we could possibly give, and then some. Thank you for your prayers, and thank you for supporting me in however way you have chosen to.

Speaking of support, I have one more prayer requests if you would be willing to pray:

that the Lord would guide my time here in the US, as I begin to understand how I have changed and grown as a result of this trip, and that I would follow His call to do His will in my career (maybe even return to Cambodia soon!) while being a blessing to my friends and family.

អរគុណច្រេីន (Thank you so much) for being a part of my journey! I appreciate you and hope y'all will reach out if there is anything I can do for you, or clarify. See ya when I see ya!

Jord

ដ្បិតយេីងដេីរដោយមានជំនឿមិនមែនដោយមេីលឃេីញនោះទេ។

For we walk by faith, and not by sight.

2 Corinthians 5:7

(I pretty much typed this whole verse in Khmer from memory 😍 not being humble but I'm very proud of it)

[heretherebedork]

Piggybacking off that anon who was talking about how Dan could help and make the guys realize not all cops are bad… I don’t think Nuchie is gonna go down a route like that, which would be very problematic. I’m not Thai so I can’t speak to the complexity of their own issues with cops, but doing research it seems the cops their are and are known to be wildly corrupt… as cops are want to do pretty much everywhere. I think the Dan situation will most likely be an issue where Dan was young an idealistic and when he joined up realized how bad the system was and that’s what spurred him on to become unar. But a “not all cops” approach is not helpful or beneficial and i would extremely disappointed if the show did something like that. I’m sure the show can’t go to far in its critique because of censorship, but Manner of Death for instances handled it pretty well making the cops completely incompetent and corrupt (side not Tul was actually really excited about the social critique of MOD! I love that man). I’m personally not thrilled about Dan being a cop but I also trust the show and what it’s been doing and handling the issues it’s brought up. Especially for a gmmtv show. I feel like even with censorship there will hopefully be a way for the to critique cops without having the characters look at Dan and come to the conclusion “hu, well not all cops are bad.” I won’t get into acab here cause that’s another essay, but if you join a corrupt organization and stay, guess what? You are bad even if you don’t do anything corrupt you’re still witnessing it an upholding a corrupt organization.

I understand why they did it, since they are trying to protest against a military dictatorship and putting all your eggs in the same anti-government basket can be a very good way to get your show taken off the air and censored if you go too far.

But I also see why they might do it as a fascinating character. Dan is a cop who's also a protestor, who's also against the exact people he works for, who tries to show them what the government and what the people he works with are doing wrong as well. He's a dichotomy that is very hard to pull off and I'm looking forward to seeing the explanation, even if it's likely not going to be what people want to see.

I did enjoy the way MOD did the police line but they also showed corruption while also having a good cop who ended up helping change the police from within to an extent. And that's exactly what I expect Not Me to do, honestly.

Dan is a cop who sees what the cops and the government are doing wrong. He's someone who likely became a police officer in the hopes of helping support justice and has learned that fighting them directly from within isn't working (that's why he's also UNAR) but still isn't willing to give up on also trying to create larger style change.

Is it ideal? No. Is it what you do to try to show the idea that change is needed while still showing the government that you support them, as you need to, and believe that they can be better? Yes.

I doubt that the conclusion they'll reach is 'not all cops are bad' so much as 'the change we need to make comes from the inside' which is kind of what I expect now? Which is different and, yes, problematic as well but frankly I respect ANY criticism from ANYONE in a dictatorship, no matter how they have to phrase it or how carefully they have to wiggle it in.

I believe in the message that Not Me is trying to give us, no matter what it is, and that they will bring us everything they can and as clearly as they can and that anything they have to say or censor they will do with the upmost respect to the story and the message.

Hoo boy, y'all, I love Not Me but I as not fully prepared for the politics! I am doing my best, so please be forgiving.

[chick-from-nz]

Paper, Scissors, Rank (Ch: 4)

CHARACTER/PAIRING: Modern!Carrillo x Army!OC (eventually) 

WARNINGS: maybe some swearing, military slang, more military talk,  spelling and grammatical errors. Flippy floppy points of view and tenses. Could be very OOC/AU for some. Carrillo may not be narcos accurate as this is an AU. Some OC x OC 

AUTHORS NOTE:  big thanks to @1zashreena1 and @girlpornparadise for letting me bounce ideas off them  while writing this, hopefully y'all enjoy this and finally, they meet! My first time writing this way so, be nice?

WORD COUNT: 2.1k

CHAPTER:   4 OF ?

TAG LIST (OPEN): @girlpornparadise @1zashreena1 @xxidontwikeitxx @nicke0115 @allalngthewtchtower @lettherebrelight 

 It's as if running into a wall of muscle knocked some sense into her. The name on the shirt scared her enough to trigger her cadet instincts to kick in quickly to allow her to shake the hands off, step back, and salute, despite being inside, which was a tradition reserved for only the army. She held the salute for longer than necessary, wondering why the officer in front of her wasn’t returning it, instead just staring at her with one gorgeously sculpted eyebrow raised. Begrudgingly she dropped her arm, salute unreturned, and an embarrassed look on her face.

“Sir?” the title came out as more of a question than a statement like it normally would. Confusion was spreading through her brain like wildfire, this was new to her. Why was the high ranking officer, the highest she’d ever been in the presence of other than her father, not returning the mark of respect that had been drilled into her since a kid, although, given he wasn’t from around here, it may not be something he is used to. That and he probably never associates with someone that is as low of a rank as herself.   

“Perfect just the Cadet I was looking for, although I must say, not the meeting I was expecting” 

Fuck, that voice, I think I’m in love. Was the first thought that came to mind. That voice, gravely and like the richest of chocolates dossed with the slightest accent, matched the attractive man that stood before her, and hearing it oh so close to her, it made her insides melt. Her imagination definitely had not done his voice justice during any day dream that contained the handsome Colonel in front of her. Oh and how glorious those daydreams were, thinking about a particular dirty one where those huge arms of his were wrapped tightly around her, while his chest was pressed so tightly against her back had her blushing the spot.  Damn it what is it with me and crushing on the higher ups, get a grip girl! 

His words finally clicked in her head. “I’m sorry Sir, what do you mean you were looking for me?”. The confusion was most definitely evident on her face. 

The Colonel chuckled lightly, dark eyes fixated on the cadet before him. “I was made aware that the LT. Colonel was to inform the squadron of my choice tonight, is that not what happened Cadet?” 

Confusion once again hit Greyson full force. Did Sinclair know the whole time that someone had been picked. Of course he did, he said they had been informed, but according to the Colonel in front of her, he knew the exact Cadet that had been chosen. Why hadn’t he said anything to them then?.  

It was at the end of the previous thought that the Cadet deflated, maybe he had told the cadet that had been selected, but it just wasn’t her. Shame ran through her like a lead bullet, of course she wouldn't have been chosen, what Colonel in their right mine would chose a Cadet who had been swept up in a rumour that she was fucking the LT. Colonel in charge of overseeing the entirety of the training squadron just so she could make her way to top recruit. 

“Cadet? I asked you a question”. His tone was clipped. Harsh but straight to the point, and just the right amount of authority to snap the cadets attention from  being in her own thoughts to looking him dead in the eye. Before she quickly averted her gaze to stare at his boot, that alone made him smirk. Good , he thought, she knows her place. 

“I’m sorry Sir, I ummm, I got lost in my thoughts, and umm, no the, ah, the LT. Colonel did not inform us of who you had picked, Sir...” Greyson stuttered, the Colonel was quite the intimidating man up close. All broad shouldered, straight backed and cold facade. If she was being quite honest with herself, she thought the rumours of his brutality might well be true from where she was standing. The way he was watching her was like a predator waiting for his prey to make the one wrong move that would land them in his jaws. A shiver  of fear ran down her spine at the thought. 

The Colonel huffed in annoyance. “Then I suggest you spend less time in your head and more time paying attention, especially when being addressed by a senior officer, Cadet! A mistake like that will get one of your crew killed if you're not careful” 

The cadets stomach plummeted at the thought, she knew all too well what would get a fellow soldier killed, her father liked to remind her that during her weeks leading up to her enlistment. The countless horror stories that had her waking up in a cold sweat had instilled a deep fear of failure within the cadet, but she had not let that show throughout her training, least of all her father hear off it through the chain of command. 

Flustered, Greyson replied with a quick, “I’m sorry Sir, I really am”, only to be laughed at by the Colonel.

“Sorry doesn’t cut it when someone dies Cadet, I’m sure you know that all too well with what your father has done, don't let his mistakes become your own!” The final part was growled out with an anger that permeated the air. 

Greyson swallowed down her rising anger and levelled the officer in front of her with a glare. It was a well known fact amongst the instructors that mentioning her father struck a nerve within her and set her off, many a time she had been reprimanded for near miss fights from her fellow cadets pulling the dad card around her. The cadet figured that either the Colonel knew this and was trying to get a rise out of her, or just knew of her father's past indiscretions and was trying to use it to discredit her. It didn’t matter which thought she pondered more, both made her blood boil just as much. 

Trying to keep a cool demeanor around the officer in front of her was a struggle. He was smirking at her like he just had just won the lottery, all tight lipped and cocky. He had got her hook, line and sinker, she had fallen for his trap. Giving a frustrated huff the cadet looked away from the smug officer in front of her, hoping for something to grab her attention so she could dispel her anger. It seemed however, the Colonel wasn’t done just yet. 

“Yes I know all about Daddy dearest and his mistakes, Greyson. It's a wonder you even bothered to enlist with all the hatred and dishonesty that follows your name around.”. 

He knew exactly what he was doing, if this was the cadet he was going to steal away from the signal corps then he needed her to rebut him, yell at him, something. Anything that would show some hard spirit that would be needed to complete the daily brutality and challenges that would likely come from being in his team. He had heard what she was capable of, now to just see it for himself. 

“Cat got your tongue Cadet? Or are you used to being fucked over in a different kind of way by your superiors. Must be nice to have the LT. Colonel at your beck and call doing your bidding for you and getting you the points to become top cadet. Isn't that right Greyson?” The teasing lilt to his tone was seemingly lost on the cadet in front of him. He watched as waves of varying emotions crossed her face. Something akin to shame crossed first, followed closely by what he assumed was embarrassment, only to be followed by, once more, anger. Which seemed to be this cadets’ default emotion. 

Greyson had never once felt this much anger in one go, yes she knew the Colonel was trying to get a rise out of her, and mentioning her father usually did the trick. The idea that he was discrediting her based on rumours and one small sighting of something that definitely wasn’t a professional interaction with the Lt. Colonel during the assessment day somehow struck a nerve so deep she was sure that this feeling was beyond anger, in fact, she was livid. He didn’t know anything about her and he was going to insinuate that! Oh he definitely had another thing coming.

“Respectfully. Sir.” Greyson quipped in a bratty tone, “You don’t know the first thing about me, so you have no right to insinuate that I am sleeping my way to the top!” her distaste for the Colonel before her was growing by the second, “I would have thought it well below your rank to believe the rumours of jealous school girls, but i guess I was wrong. Seems like you aren’t much of a fucking Colonel at all!”. The final words of the sentence were growled out in a tone so low it would have scared her fellow cadets half to death. Her eyes were alight with emotion, her eyes turning a deep green in colour, pupils constricted. The anger was rolling off her in waves. 

“There it is, that's the cadet I had heard all about. Daddy’s little mimic”. His grin was bordering maniac, he was pushing her buttons and striking the nerves he had hoped to, it was just a matter of seeing how much further she was willing to go to defend herself and her reputation. But he knew for sure now, this was his cadet. 

Those words and that stupidly attractive grin was the last straw for the cadet. Without really processing her next move she curled her right hand into a fist and aimed directly for the underside of that chiseled jaw of his, hoping for a knockout, even if she’d face a potential discharge because of it. This man had fucked her off one too many times for her to internalise these emotions. 

The punch thrown at him probably would have knocked him out too, if he hadn’t had the years of experience chasing down criminals in Colombia. He had seen the way her body had gone taught, fist curling, before she had wound her arm back and thrown it forward towards him with such conviction and determination that would have made him proud, if he hadn’t been trying to prove a point. Her plan failed though as he caught her wrist, her fist a mere inch from its intended target. He used her wrist as leverage, while taking a step forward, and slammed her, not all that gently, into the wall behind her.

The air was knocked out of Greyson in an instant, instead of hitting her target, she had ended up pressed between the Colonels’ hard body and the wall behind her. His mouth hovered over her ear, breath hot with each passing exhale, the shiver that wracked her body was not one of fear this time. It seemed as if minutes passed by, she could feel every hard ridge of his body pressed into hers. From his strong thighs right up to his too defined pecs that were pinning her against the wall. He was so close his belt buckle was digging into her stomach. 

She released a shaky breath at the thought. This bastard of a man had pushed her to her breaking point and now held her against the wall like it was nothing. She struggled against him for a short moment, feigning an escape, but he just pushed her wrist closer to the wall and his body impossibly closer to her own. Quiet the compromising situation. 

Carrillo huffed out a laugh at the way the cadet struggled beneath him before slumping in defeat. He had her exactly where he wanted her, she had shown her hand and was now at his mercy. 

“I definitely made the right choice” he murmured against the shell of her ear, delighting in the way she let out the smallest of gasps. “I’d say congratulations, but I guess that's not needed. You're on the team Cadet” and with those final words he released her from his hold and took a step back. Noting the way she slumped against the wall without his support. He had to smirk while taking in her disheveled appearance, she looked positively wrecked. With that final thought he adjusted his uniform and disappeared down the hallway in search of the LT. Colonel, leaving a very confused and very flustered cadet in his wake

[someonefantastic]

Ok, Who Had Natural Disasters on Their 2020 Bingo Card?

Forgot to cross post this yesterday whoops. Anways, we're getting so close to the end and I am both very excited and also sad to see this go. Oh well, at least we have four more days! I had such fun writing this, pining shules is such fun and I hope y'all enjoy reading this! Probably takes place between 3x13 and 3x16 Heavy T rating due to slight nudity and some innuendos but it's still SFW. Also warning for scars/past trauma (nothing too bad though) Summary: It was all Shawn's fault, that much Juliet was sure. It was his fault they were stuck in the woods in the middle of the storm and it was his fault they'd have to find a way to get warm. Unfortunately she was having a very hard time staying mad at him... it was probably the hair. also on ao3 ___ It was all Shawn’s fault.

Or at least, that’s what Juliet told herself as she trudged up the river bank. It was rainy and wet, a mixture of mud and leaves sloshed beneath her toes. Her shoes had long disappeared, swept away by the raging waters and she mourned the loss of those heels. Her clothes clung miserably to her skin doing little to protect her from the onslaught of rain pelting her. Groaning, she brushed her soaked and tangled hair out of her eyes.

Behind her was another groan as Shawn waded towards dry land. Reaching the grass she turned around, hands on her hips as she watched him peel himself from the river. If she hadn’t been pissed at him she may have admired the way his flannel clung to his skin, revealing a surprisingly toned upper body or the messy damp hair that hung just barely over his eyes. But those were memories for a different day because she was fuming.

“What the crap was that Spencer?” It was more of a demand than a question and he squinted up at her.

“What?” His eyebrows furrowed. “You’re mad at me for saving your life?”

She shook her head, scowling. “You didn’t save my life, you almost killed us!” She paused for a moment before deciding to add, “Plus I had that guy!”

Throwing out his hands he began to walk towards her, “Jules please, he was about to shoot you. It was either a bullet or the river.”

She humphed, turning away from him. “You still could have killed us.”

She heard him sigh and a hand was placed on her shoulder, “Jules, I’m sorry. I panicked and made a rash decision. I just… got…” Another sigh, “scared.”

Her anger froze as his words struck her. He was scared. She had seen a lot of emotions from him over the past few years- knew he could be kind and gentle in addition to his usual brand of eccentric- but she had never seen him scared. Truly scared, not just running away from a supposed ghost or a suspected murder. More importantly, he was scared for her. Her heart twisted, emotions that she’d felt before but never paid much mind starting to bubble to the surface.

“I forgive you, Shawn,” She started, turning around and offering up a small smile. “But next time, let me make the rash decisions. I am the one with the training after all.”

He gave a nod. “Deal.”

Thunder rolled in the distance and she found herself frowning yet again. It had been raining for three days straight- an anomaly for typically warm, sunny Santa Barbara- and it seemed like another thunderstorm was upon them. She looked around, trying to get a sense of their surroundings but she recognized nothing, the rain doing little to aid her quest.

“I think we’re lost.”

He spun in a circle, eyes darting around. “Agreed.”

She gave another heavy sigh, and shivered, her wet clothes barely defending her from the frigid air. “I guess we’ll just have to lay low for now. Hopefully, they’ll send a search and rescue team out soon or the rain will die down.” A violent shiver wracked her body. “But for now, we should find some way to get warm.”

“Aw man the one time I didn’t bring a tent to a crime scene.” He joked and she rolled her eyes.

Spotting a nearby pine tree, a small smirk broke out across her face, “We don’t need a tent.” She trekked towards the tree, ignoring his confused looks. “You don’t happen to have a knife on you do you?”

Still bewildered he reached into his pocket, producing a small swiss army knife. “Never leave home without it.”

She raised an eyebrow, admittedly a little impressed by his forward-thinking. Taking the knife from his hands- and ignoring how her fingers tingled as they brushed against his- she started breaking and cutting down pine branches. Shawn soon jumped in, following her lead as they gathered the material. Once they got enough, she then began leaning them against the trunk of the tree, forming a tent-like structure.

When they finished, she stepped back, hands on her hips to admire their work.

“Wow,” Shawn spoke up from beside her, “That’s amazing that you know how to do this.”

She shrugged, “I was a girl scout.”

“Doesn’t change what I said.”

She turned her head, ready to thank him but her eyes went wide as she noticed him shaking violently. Glancing down at her own hands, her worry tripled as she watched them tremble.

“We need to get warm.” He said, staring at her with concern and she wondered if she looked as cold as he did.

She nodded and beckoned him into their makeshift shelter. It was a tight fit, the design leaving them with little wiggle room. She wound up face to face with him, their chests pressed together and their noses inches from colliding. A shiver ran down her spine- though not from the cold- rather it was from his warm breath ghosting over her skin. It smelled like pineapples and mint and it took every bone in her body to keep her from leaning forward and tasting him herself.

The air hung tense around them and she had to duck her head, attempting to break the hold he seemed to have over her. This had been a very bad idea. Why on earth did she think that being near Shawn would be a good idea? She was trying to avoid these feelings for pete’s sake. They had been dancing around each other more and more as of late. She was attracted to him for sure, a realization that had hit her after football pants and charming smiles and coming to terms with the fact that she didn’t hate flirting with him. But she couldn’t act upon it. She wasn’t ready, he wasn’t ready, it wasn’t their moment.

He shivered against her, snapping her out of her thoughts as she examined how his face had gone unusually pale. Her own body was freezing, a permanent chill that seemed ingrained in her bones. This wasn’t working. They needed to get warm faster. If one or both of them got hypothermia, it would cause their bad situation to get even worse.

She squeezed her eyes shut, knowing what she had to do but hating that she had to do it. With a sigh, she opened them, biting her lip. “Shawn… we need to get warmer.”

He cocked an eyebrow, a smirk breaking out over his face. “Detective O’Hara, are you asking to cuddle with me?”

She shook her head, beginning to shimmy out of their shelter. His face dropped and he sat up slightly, looking at her through the opening. “Jules, I was joking, I didn’t mean to make you leave.”

Rolling her eyes, she sat back on her haunches, pulling off her suit coat. “Yes, Shawn we can cuddle.” Her tone was exasperated but she couldn't help but inwardly smile as his eyes lit up. “But-” She held up a finger, effectively silencing whatever flirty remark he had, “we need to do something else first.”

“What-” The question died in the air, his eyes going wide as she began to unbutton her blouse. “Jules…”

Heat began to crawl up her neck and into her cheeks as she watched him stare dumbfounded. She took a deep breath, attempting to quiet her nerves. “Skin to skin contact is the fastest way to get warm. Plus with our wet clothes, we’re just waiting for hypothermia to set in.” That was good, that was logical and she couldn’t argue with logic.

Unfortunately, he could. A sly grin spread across his face as he got out of the shelter. “Just admit you want to see me naked.”

She shot him a glare which promptly lost its effect as she shed her shirt, his eyes lingering on her newly exposed skin. “Not naked. We’re keeping our undergarments on. This is purely professional.”

“Understood.” He nodded, pulling off his flannel. “Just two co-workers cuddling half-naked in the woods... super professional.”

Sighing, she cocked her head to shoot him another look but froze at the sight of his bare chest. His baggy shirts really did not do him justice. He was surprisingly toned, fit in all the right places but not overly muscled. Running from bad guys sure had its perks. He had filled out nicely, no longer the skinny lanky guy that she had first met- she didn’t mind Shawn then but now… he could get her hot under the collar with just one look. His arms looked particularly nice and she wondered what it’d be like to be held by him.

Closing her eyes, she shook her head, trying to rid the hundreds of nonprofessional thoughts that were racing through her mind. Now was not the time to be imagining the guy you had to cuddle with for warmth in some not exactly appropriate situations. When she opened them again, he was staring at her curiously, clad in just boxers and she suddenly couldn't remember how to speak.

“Jules please, I know it’s a lot to take in but try to control yourself.” He was joking of course but it did little to stop a blush from forming across her cheeks.

She removed her pants quickly, not giving herself any more time to think before getting back into the shelter. He crawled in behind her- taking some time first to pull some extra branches over the opening and situate their clothes at the entrance- and lay down in his previous spot. They weren’t as close as before but it was close enough and she felt her face heat up again. He was very attractive from afar but now… up close… she almost forgot how to breathe.

The two lay in almost silence, wind swirling around outside of their shelter and an awkward tension hanging over them. He was staring intensely at a spot above her and she couldn’t help herself from taking advantage of the opportunity to look over his body. He really was toned, and smooth, and she wondered what it’d feel like to run her hands down his chest.

Closing her eyes, she tried to ward off any more unprofessional thoughts with little avail. When she opened them again, her attention was caught by a faint scar in the middle of his rip case. It was long and thick and faded yet still there and she knew it was from heart surgery. She wanted to ask him about it, wanted to know his secrets and dive into his past but she also knew now wasn’t the time.

Her brain instead switched to her own scars and her stretch marks- bullet and knife wounds, cuts and scrapes from broken bones or on the job injuries- and she shifted uncomfortably, arms moving to cross her chest, suddenly self-conscious. She wanted him to think the best of her but it was hard when her body was so broken and worn.

“I’m sorry Jules.” His voice snapped her attention back to his face, eyebrow cocking at his expression. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

Her eyes widened and she realized that he noticed her shift in mood, though he drew the wrong conclusion. She shook her head, “If anyone should be sorry, it’s me. This was my idea after all.” Biting her lip, she avoided his eyes. “Besides... I’m not uncomfortable because of you.”

He made a little sound of curiosity but didn’t say anything else, clearly waiting for her to continue and she sighed hating having to be vulnerable before him. “I’m just… maybe… a little…” She looked up at him through her eyelashes, “self-conscious.”

His eyes widened, “Jules...”

“I know, I know, it’s stupid.” She was quick to backtrack. “I see these scars and marks and I just think I’m broken and I know it’s not true but that’s just how I feel.”

Eyebrows creasing, he adamantly shook his head. “It’s not stupid at all. I know feelings suck sometimes…” She looked down again and he sighed. “Look Jules, I have a giant scar on my chest.” He gestured to the area, making her cheeks tinge pink. “It’s the part of me that I like the least but so far in my life barely anyone’s thought I look ugly with it and if they did, then it was their loss. It’s part of who I am no matter how much I dislike it and it tells a story. I’m sure your scars do the same so you don’t have anything to worry about.” She offered him a small smile.

“Besides, I think you’re… I mean you’re… well-” He bit his lip and hope rose in her chest, curious to what he’d have to say- curious if this was their moment after all. “You,” He finished and the moment ended.

She was quick to recuperate from her disappointment, shaking it off and smiling at him. “Thanks, Shawn.” The smile turned playful. “And if it makes you feel any better, I think you’re not too bad yourself.”

In a flash his signature smirk was back, eyes dancing. “It’s the hair, right? Girls dig the hair.”

She laughed, “Sure. It’s totally the hair.”

Chuckling, he grabbed her hips, pulling her closer. Suddenly, she found that it was very hard to breathe. Her body was pressed flush against his, noses inches away from touching. She was so close she could see the splatter of freckles over his nose, flecks of brown in his eyes, the stubble that lined his chin.

“Sorry,” He muttered but his eyes showed no sign of regret.

“You need to stop apologizing.” Her voice was low and husky and frankly, she wasn’t sure how she was able to speak.

His eyes flickered from her’s to her lips. “Noted.”

She wondered what it would be like to kiss him. Would it be slow and soft, their lips caressing in a gentle dance? Or would it be hard and fast, as if they never wanted to breathe again? Her stomach clenched, heart beating so hard that she thought he might feel it through her skin. She wanted so badly to kiss him, to run her fingers through his hair or down his cheek, feeling his stubble scratch against her palm. To pepper little kisses across his scar and see that Shawn Spencer that he didn’t dare show to the world.

But she couldn't kiss him. Not today.

Today they were just two co-workers, lost in the woods during a thunderstorm. They weren’t dating, she wasn’t his girlfriend, they were just friends. Friends who had to snuggle half-naked for warmth but friends nevertheless.

“Shawn…?” She asked, breathlessly.

His voice was barely a whisper, “Yeah?”

She swallowed heavily, trying hard to get the words out. “I guess we should get to the snuggling part.”

“Well...” He shrugged goofy grin back on his face. “If you insist.”

They shifted as best they could inside the small shelter, maneuvering so that one of his arms was under her- just above her shoulders- and the other was wrapped around her upper back as he held her tight. Her arm hooked around his neck, the other going to his lower back. They were even closer than before- something she didn’t think was possible. She could feel the heat from his body spread through her own and she wondered what it’d be like to get to sleep next to him every night.

Their gazes were fixed on each other, an unspoken tension between them. She was transfixed by his eyes, captivated in a way that she never wanted to be free from. The line between friends and more than that was there, so evident and begging to be crossed with one simple kiss. She could do it, she could kiss him and change their lives but a clap of thunder caused her to jump a little, effectively destroying her resolve.

Now just wasn’t the time. Instead, she ducked her head, resting it against his chest as he tucked her under his chin. His breathing was steady, peaceful, and combined with the rain and the warmth in her chest, she found herself growing tired.

“Good night Jules,” He whispered and she wanted to reply back but the next thing she knew she was fast asleep.

When she woke, she'd have a world of problems and emotions to sort through but for now, she was perfectly sleeping next to Shawn. It turned out, being held by him was so much better than anything she could dream of.

[praphit]

Happy New Year! (hopefully, cuz... whew!)

Ugh! Let's get this year over with; what do you say?? I don't even want to rehash the year like I normally would around this time of year.

Pre-COVID seems like so long ago: We were out at bars, games, concerts, and parties of strangers. We were dancing all up on each other, we were passing the bottle around, we were grabbing all kinds of doorknobs with no concerns. Kids were planning to soon graduate and step into their hopeful, bright futures. Adults were planning vacations around the world to escape a once hopeful present.

Times were good! Look at this groundhog eating pizza. 

Not a care in the world.

And then, Thanos snapped his fingers, the world turned into shit, and we all realized how much we cared about Tom Hanks.

Can you imagine if that were literal? I think someone should get another gauntlet and turn planets into literal piles of crap. A new villain - "Poopfingers"

Ew... I know. I'm sorry.

Like I said, I don't want to talk about that stuff. I'd rather focus on entertainment instead. Join me for a few awards that I like to call "The Praphies"

MOVIE OF THE YEAR -

"WAP"

I know what you're thinking - "That's not a movie." Meh, it's movie-ish.

It's got two protagonists, whom are trapped in a mansion. It kinda reminds me of Willy Wonka's chocolate factory, but instead of chocolate being manufactured, we'd got... pleasure. Who doesn't want more pleasure after the year we've had??

There's a lot of weird things happening in the mansion, so that’s good for the plot. Plus, these ladies are all about... empowerment? - I guess?

Sure.

Kylie Jenner shows up for some reason, so I'm sure she's up to something; maybe she's the villain. And according to the lyrics "there's some whores in this house". Will they get rid of the "whores"? Will they embrace the whores? Perhaps this word will be taken back, and used as a term of endearment.

As mama looks at her daughter, walking bravely back into schools some day "That's my lil whore." Maybe we're all whores - what a twist.

It's a good picture. One of Scorsese's best. He did direct it right? I think so.

BEST ACTOR -

This one was a close race for me:

Jeanise Jones (Borat 2 - on the right) 

This woman, who was not in on the joke, deserves a medal. She's the star.

Joe Exotic (The Tiger King)

Anyone standing behind Trump during those Rona briefings, who can hold a straight face.

Technically, Joe and Jeanise aren't actors, and Trump's people are... you know, TRUMP'S people, so I give the award to Mario Lopez for his role as Sexy Colonel Sanders.

Did y'all watch "A Recipe for Seduction?" It's entertaining. It was my runner-up for MOY.

SHOW OF THE YEAR -

Easy - "The Tiger King" for keeping us all together in the beginning of this 2020 corona mess.

Which leads me to MY person of the year (cuz let's be honest, Uncle Joe and Kamala... no)

The POY is -

Carole Baskin - 

We all know that she murdered her husband, and yet she took over Joe's zoo property, continues her animal rights activism while being openly weird as hell, and was last seen being applauded on "Dancing with the Stars".

Only in America.

Animated action of the year - “Soul” for bringing us this negro, 

played by Tina Fey :)

I’m just joking ( I love Tina Fey)... well, she does play him, but it’s not like that; still makes me laugh though. At least she didn’t have to worry about blackface.

I like my action flicks. They all can't be tear-jerkers like "WAP".

Which leads us to ACTION HERO OF THE YEAR --- Kiera Allen

If you saw the movie "Run" then you know this actress. She is the acrobatic, wheelchair-bound star of the movie. She is in a wheelchair in real life. In this movie she breaks through one window, climbs across a rooftop, breaks through another window, all with water in her mouth for a special finishing trick to end the scene. And she throws herself down a couple of flights of stairs. Let's see Liam Neeson try to do that!

I'm serious when I say - I expect to see her in the next "Fast & Furious" film.

Award for LEAST FUX GIVEN - Ricky Gervais, for lighting Hollywood on fire.

Athlete - TEAM JLo and Shakira

 --- sidelined me (I attempted to dance like Shakira at work) and sent souls to hell 

(that's some powerful booty shaking... and or just another example of white people being mad at brown people for existing)

SONG OF THE YEAR - 

Vin Diesel’s "Feels like I do" - not up for debate. 

Name another action star in 2020 with a single.

Album of the Year - "The Lion King: The Gift / Black is King" - by Beyonce

We didn't feel much like royalty, but at least we were being heard... well, for a lil bit; a lot more than I ever remember us being heard.

Remember when white people in Hollywood felt so much shame that they did this?

We had corporations like the NFL tryna pretend to be woke. Aunt Jemima and that Native American woman on the butter were freed

 (though they did keep the land).

White people were afraid, and thought that perhaps this album was going to spark the second coming of Black Jesus.

It's interesting -  black people protested (mostly peacefully); wanting justice, and white people got anxious.   People started rioting and looting because of injustices rooted to this country's original sin, and white people, who's ancestors committed this sin, shook their heads at us in shame. Black people and anyone (of any color) standing with them were treated as hostiles, while white people with guns, shooting at black people were hailed as heroes.

What a time. 

I wish Black Jesus really did come back to these Beyonce tunes.

Oh, and this stuff happened too

Toobin (Ha! This guy )

ASSHOLE OF THE YEAR (4 years straight)- 

Trump

It's not even close. I was going to suggest that the dude from "The Vow" being a strong runner up, but even that would be disrespectful to Trump's assholery.

The world was on fire (metaphorically and literally), and Trump as our leader, threw gasoline on it. "BLM" came along to be heard and get justice for George Floyd, and Trump convinced his worshippers that BLM is a terrorist group. He shot away protesters, so he could pose awkwardly with a bible (doing God's work - this “work” included telling us to do the opposite of what physicians around the world plead with us to do during a pandemic, pushing drugs on us that these same physicians say no to, and telling us to inject ourselves with bleach. Hallelujah!). He accused Biden of corruption (pot calling kettle black). He loses to Biden, but fights the results with zero evidence, and at the sore loser rallies, there were stabbings and arrests, to which Trump praises their efforts.

A round of applause for the Michael Jordan of Assholes.

Donald J. Trump!

RESPECT!

Lastly, The Praphie (most coveted of awards)

The nominees are -

Kaylen Ward - raised over one million dollars for the Australia fires relief, by passing out nude photos of herself... yep. Seriously, look it up. Well, maybe don’t do that:)

Michael Jordan -  "The Last Dance" was the only sports content for a sports addict like myself. MJ was the drug we needed.

Dr. Fauci - Really for putting up with us. 

Dave Chappelle - a hell of a year for him. Plus, he was dropping N-Bombs and smoking on SNL

The Fly on Mike Pence's head. 

Kamala Harris

Cardi B - just because

The winner is - Dave Chappelle

Not only for his great year in comedy (in this bleeped up year), but he has evolved into a modern day prophet. Who would have thought that the guy who made "Half Baked"

would be the one we'd seek out when racial tensions got to the highest levels this year??

Kaylen Ward would have won it, if she had continued her efforts. She could have raised some funds for Greta Thunberg. She could have used her nudity along-side protesters, or even joined doctors around the world, raising money for a vaccine. Smh. That's a shame.

In thinking about Chappelle's evolution, I'm reminded that we're all processing and changing as a result of this year. Some will change for the better, and others for the worse. Some will go to the depths only to rise up again. Regardless, of how you handle it, it's important to know who your true peeps are. Who loves you? Who’s got your back? Who do you love?  We're all going to need true peeps to help us endure. Which leads me to my slogan for next year.

"If you love something let it go, if it doesn't return to you. Hunt it down and kill it." Idk about you, but that touches my heart.

Enjoy yourselves as much as you can tonight, and by that I mean safely :) Some of you might want to consider going to bed early, just to end this year faster.

Happy New Year, everyone!

[yeet-man]

One’s Rebirth (Chapter 4)

A/N: Congrats to @red-riot-rat on getting 500 followers! That’s amazing, I hope one day I can get as many as you. Anyway, since they got this huge milestone, I might release chapter 5 later today who knows. I hope y’all enjoy this as always and peace out!

"Sir, can you tell us what All Might is like as a teacher?" 

J'me glared at the reporters that gathered around. The boy let out a sigh before speaking. "All Might is just how you expect. He's not called the number one hero for no reason." After he gave his answer he walked away from the reporters.

It was a drag to deal with a million people asking questions at once, but he needed to deal with it. He thought about what Ryan said a while ago, 'what if Mari is here because we're here.' J'me didn't want to believe it, but the possibility of Mari being there because of them was possible. He walked into UA Academy and started heading in the direction of 1-A.

A green haired boy, named Deku walked up to J'me. "Hey J'me! I was sort of wondering about your quirk. You see in the test that Mr. Aizawa held, you showed that your quirk was wind or at least I thought it was wind. In the hero's vs villains test you showed us being able to manipulate water, wind, earth, fire, and lighting, not to mention you teleported!" 

J'me listened to Deku speak about his quirk, the boy kind of looked at the green haired 'protagonist'. He softly chuckled when Midoriya finished speaking, he wasn't going to give details about the entirety of his quirk. "Midoriya, listen. All I’m going to say is I basically have a bunch of quirks in one."

The boy’s eyes widened in shock, he slowed down his pace a little to look at J’me. "H-how...how do you have multiple quirks in one?"

"It’s better if you don’t question it right now, Midoriya." His tone was serious, hopefully Deku wouldn’t question it till later.

"Oh...o-okay. Well, can you tell me about your quirk in depth, at least what you want to share." His pace quickly returned to normal so he wouldn't be left behind.

"Sure," He started talking about his quirk in depth for Deku’s sake as the two walked to class.

After a couple minutes of walking they got inside the classroom. J’me noticed right away that Kairo was missing. Maybe he was running a little late? Who knew, he just hoped nothing happened to his friend. 

Everyone was present except Kairo by the time the bell rang. Mr. Aizawa began to call students' names out, double checking to see if everyone was here. When he got to Kairo’s name he looked up, not seeing the boy in the classroom. 

"Has anyone seen Kairo Furo lately?" Mr. Aizawa asked the students that were in the class currently.

Silence passed for a few seconds before Ryan spoke up. "I saw him last night, he was going for a late night jog. After midnight I didn’t see him…"

“Maybe he overslept when he got home?” Kirishima called out from the other side of the classroom. 

"No, I highly doubt that. He wouldn’t sleep in on accident or on purpose. Since he got into U.A, he wouldn’t miss it for the world." J’me said out loud so everyone could hear him.

"Something must have happened between midnight and on the way back to his house…"

Mr. Aizawa looked at Ryan, then he looked at J’me. "If I assign you to this mystery, will you solve it?" The teacher had a serious expression on his face at the time. He wanted this to be figured out just like everyone else.

J’me and Ryan looked at each other for a few seconds and then nodded at Mr. Aizawa.

"Very well, I give you the entire day to figure this out. You two are dismissed at once, good luck."

The two students grabbed their items and started walking towards the exit while J’me turned around to ask a question, "Is quirk usage allowed Mr. Aizawa?"

"No, you must learn to not always rely on your quirk."

The boys simply nodded and went on their way. 

"So, you live by the woods correct?" J’me had to make sure there was no other way Kairo could have gone home. If there was, this ‘mystery’ could be for absolutely nothing. 

"Yeah, if someone did go into the woods near my place it’s basically a dead end." He responded back at J’me with a small sigh after his sentence. 

Ryan led J’me to an area that was by his house, though where Kairo was taking his jog. 

The boys looked around for any evidence indicating where Kairo could have gone. Out of all days this motherfucker could disappear, why the day Iida gets some spotlight? The boys encountered something almost an hour of looking.

The thing they encountered was another person that seemed to be looking for Kairo as well.

"Who are you and what are you doing man?" J'me asked the unknown boy they saw.

The boy looked at them, curiously wondering who they were as well. "Oh me? I'm Calvin Lewis and I'm in the middle of figuring out what happened here."

J'me and Ryan introduced themselves as well and told Calvin why they were here. There was one slight problem with this Calvin person though. He looked like someone very similar to a person they knew in their 'previous' lives.

"So, the both of you go to U.A I assume? From the looks of it y’all are in class 1-A." Calvin said with a monotone voice, he sort of just wanted to solve this mystery. 

Both boys stayed quiet for a few moments trying to figure out how Calvin knew they were in class 1-A. It was simple enough to figure out they went to U.A since the boys did say so.

"Uh yeah...Calvin was it? How did you figure out we were in class 1-A?" Ryan finally decided to speak up and ask the question.

"Well, from the way you two act I honestly doubted y’all were in any other courses except the hero one that is. And y’all aren’t in class 1-B like I am so yeah." Calvin told J’me and Ryan to follow him since he found something that could help them find out what happened to Kairo.

"Wait, you go to U.A as well? I'm surprised to be honest since you're like hella fucking tall. Shit you even taller than Ryan." J'me just kinda stared at how tall Calvin was when he asked the question and made the comments.

Ryan on the other hand, gave J'me a death glance and punched him in the arm. "Bitch."

The shortest boy of the three flinched at the hit and rubbed his arm. "Why you always gotta beat me, what I do to you?"

"How many times do I have to tell you, it's called getting your body stronger." Ryan responded with a somewhat sarcastic tone in his voice.

Calvin just looked at the other two boys and let out a sigh. "Smh my head. Will ya just zip it for the next minute?"

Both of the boys looked at Calvin and nodded their heads.

Meanwhile J'me was trying to figure out who Calvin was. The way he spoke and acted was similar to someone he knew in his previous life.

A few moments passed before they arrived in the place Calvin wanted to show them. "I assume this was your friend, Kairo." 

Was? They were both confused on what he meant like that. Surely Kairo was just knocked out, there was no way someone could actually kill him...right?

The two boys took a couple steps forward in front of Calvin. They wanted to see just what he meant by that.

Upon seeing the dead corpse that was Kairo, J'me's stomach dropped. His best friend of over 8 years was truly gone, though he didn't want to believe this nightmare was real. 

He crouched down next to the dead body, checking the vitals of the corpse to see if he was truly gone. He was. J'me wanted to cry yet no tears could flow down no matter what. It felt like control was out the door though he still had his hand on it. 

Meanwhile Ryan wasn't taking this well either. He started blaming himself for what happened, if only...if only he would have jogged with Kairo. Would that have even changed anything? He didn't know but to be honest, Ryan would rather have his life taken than Kairo's.

"I'm sorry about y'all's guys lost, but this isn't a time to be sad. We have to figure this out and your friend justice." Calvin was a bit sad about the loss of a person, but he didn't know him so the only thing he could do was at least give Kairo some justice.

The boys nodded and began to search the area for any clues. About 10 meters out from the body was a blood trail.

J'me luckily found it and started following it. The trail navigated through the forest and to some plains. There was a huge blood pool near the exit of the forest, other than that it was completely gone.

A few minutes he called over Calvin and Ryan to check the trail and pool out, asking if they had any clues about the blood.

The two boys examined it, being careful not to mess anything up. At the end of it, they couldn't figure out how Kairo was killed or who the blood belonged to.

"Um...how about we take pictures of this and show EarserHead tomorrow?" Ryan asked, kind of hesitant to even do so though since his head was fogged up with his thoughts blaming him for his friend's death.

"Yeah...maybe he can help us figure out who murdered him." J'me let out a shaky quiver from his lips. It was basically time to examine the body and the wounds Kairo suffered. 

The shirt he was wearing was torn up, revealing multiple cuts along his torso and stomach, going in an ‘X’ formation. The cuts looked vigorous, almost as if that weren’t caused by a knife. Dried blood was all over his body and floor, it seemed like a homicide more than anything. After further examination Kairo suffered broken ribs as well as his skull being cracked open in the back.

“Jesus...who the hell could do something like this? This is honestly fucked up. And why Kairo? Out of all 7 fucking billion people in this world why him? This is complete bullshit!” J’me stood up and kicked the dirt in frustration. 

Ryan just kept looking at the dead body of his friend. He wanted to run, scream, fight the person who killed Kairo. Without any evidence he couldn’t do anything but blame himself for the death of his homie.

Calvin was trying to stay calm as possible. He didn’t need to break out into his emotions no matter what. He let the other two boys do what they needed to do to calm themselves down and return to the mystery at hand.

"You guys want to take a blood sample? It might help us figure out who killed your friend."

Both Ryan and J’me looked at Calvin, they had sort of a confused look on their faces. How were they supposed to take a blood sample when they didn’t have anything to get one with. 

Calvin just stared at them with no emotions on his face. "What? I have a small tube we can put the blood in." The boy then pulled out a small test tube from his jacket pocket. “Once I saw the body I went back home and grabbed one just in case.”

That totally doesn’t seem suspicious at all. Ya know the casual character somehow having a test tube. Makes total sense right?

Ryan and J’me looked at Calvin as if that wasn’t weird at all. They both did end up agreeing though.

Once the blood and photos were gathered, J’me made a couple calls so Kairo could have a proper funeral. Afterwards all three of them went on their way.

Ryan went straight home, not wanting to do anything but repeatedly blame himself.

Now Calvin was the only one of the three that stayed behind. He checked the area near Kairo’s body in case he could find any more clues. Not really finding anything else he went home somewhat disappointed in himself.

J’me made a quick stop at his house, running in, placing the photos and test tube on his nightstand. He washed his hands in the kitchen so he could glance at the clock.

4:12PM

Surely U.A was over at this point. The boy dried his hands with some paper towels, grabbed his phone and left the house in a hurry. He didn’t want to be anywhere close to where his best friend was killed. 

J’me unlocked his phone once he got out of the house, immediately calling Kirishima without a second of hesitation. The phone rang for a few seconds before someone picked up.

"Hey! J’me, what’s up?" It was the friendly voice of Kirishima, someone that could be trusted with anything.

"Kirishima...meet me at the beach." J'me sounded on the verge of crying because it was true, he wanted to cry but held it in for the time being.

"Why? What's the matter J'me?" Kirishima was concerned for his friend. After all he just calls, tells him to meet at the beach and sounds like he's going to cry.

"Just fucking do it Kirishima!...please." He hung up without saying bye or anything of the sort and just ran to the beach, not stopping for anyone or thing.

Kirishima quickly puts his phone up and his shoes on. He ran out the door and to the beach as well, worried about his friend.

J'me is the first to arrive at the beach. While he waits for Kirishima to show, he sits down on the sand and tries to clear his thought process.

Minutes passed before Kirishima also arrived at the beach. It took him a couple seconds to find his friend, but once he did Kirishima ran straight to him as fast as he could.

"J'me! Buddy what's wrong?" He asked with a concerned tone in his voice as he rubbed his friends back.

"We… we were able to figure out what happened to Kairo. He was killed… we don't know who did so that's currently what we're trying to figure out." J'me held his head down for the whole time, not wanting Kirishima to see him crying.

Kirishima kept on rubbing J'me's back as he sat down on the sand as well. "I'm sorry… even if I didn't know him like you did, I'm pretty sure he was a good friend and would have been a good classmate."

"I knew him for 8 years, this is such bullshit… why did it have to be him? It could have been anyone else but him…" J'me complained, wishing it could have been someone else that he didn't know instead of Kairo.

Kirishima didn't know what else to do so he just let J'me ramble on. "It's gonna be okay buddy… no matter what happens I'm sure Kairo didn't want you to sit here and cry." He talked softly, sorta not wanting to hurt J'me more.

"No… it's not gonna be okay. I lost my fucking friend, how is it supposed to be okay? Besides, even if it is okay I still have to live with the feeling that I couldn't even save him…" He started to feel many things at this point. Depression, guilt, anger, and other feelings that he couldn't explain.

"Just trust me J’me, everything will be okay as long as you have all of your other friends. And even if you knew what was going to happen, you wouldn’t have been able to save him. I’m sorry, but that’s the truth bro…" Kirishima hated to admit it, but it was indeed true. 

"I know, but still, I wish I knew what would have happened so I could at least be prepared. It’s just… we have been through so much shit together and we should have became heroes." J’me slowly wiped the tears off of his face. He let out a small shaky breath and looked forward at the ocean.

"I am going to become the greatest hero for Kairo."

Kirishima listened till he decided it was a good time to talk. "That’s the spirit J’me!" Deep down the red hair boy was jealous of his friend. He was able to keep going forward without one of his friends in the living realm anymore. How was he supposed to keep up with someone who could keep pushing through no matter what problems came their way? 

"Everything is going to be fine, just keep pushing buddy. I believe in you J’me."

J'me smiled slightly and looked at Kirishima. "Thanks Kirishima, I believe in you as well. I know you'll become a great hero as well." 

The red haired boy chuckled and patted J'me's back. "You know the future, that's the only reason you know." 

J'me smiled a bit more as he stood up and dusted himself off. He helped Kirishima to his feet before speaking. "Even if I do know the future, it can change without me even knowing."

Kirishima nodded in agreement and gave J'me a hug. "No matter what happens I'll be in your corner and I'll have your back, got it."

J'me was a bit surprised by the hug, but he did return it. "Got it," he let go of Kirishima a few seconds later. "I'll see you tomorrow Kirishima, I hope they don't shut UA down because of this…"

Kirishima also let go the same time J'me did. "I don't think they will, but I'm not entirely sure. I hope they don't either." 

J'me nodded and said his goodbyes. Once he did, the boy turned around and started his journey home. 

Kirishima also went home, wanting to get some extra sleep since school was no joke at times.

Once J'me got home, he opened the door and slowly took his shoes off. He double checks the door, making sure it's locked before going to his room

The boy sits down on the bed and grabs the photos that were taken earlier. It was worse to look at now then it was hours ago, maybe it was because he'd almost gotten over the death of Kairo? Who knows.

He felt the urge to throw his guts up, so he placed the photos down and laid in his bed. This entire day was stupid to him, but at the same time it helped him learn something. He had friends looking over him and he had Kairo looking down upon him in the clouds above.

[livelovelaug-h]

No Take me

Request: hi!! dean x reader; reader & the boys get captured by a monster/monsters (your choice) they torture all of them and they say to dean that he has to choose if they kill the reader or sam and etccc;

A/n: hope you like this let me know! And enjoy!! Thanks again for the request. @moonlight-on-her-skin

"So what a vampire and a werewolf?” you asked totally stumped at the crime scene right in front of your eyes. There was a body with a heart out of it with scratches and one body where the blood was completely drained of blood.

“I think so. why do people still go to cabins with all the weird stuff they hear that happens?” Dean says. You nod along. It's true.

“possibly the vampire and werewolf were Lovers?” Sam questioned.

"doesn't that remind you of -"

Dean: "don't say it."

Sam: “Alright let's go research.”

~~~

You and the boys researched, you had a pretty good feeling who it was. "The only thing we have is apparently that bear attack from last week was most probably not a bear attack." You tell Dean as he enters the room. it had been 5 hours of non helping research.

Dean just rubs his hand over his face taking a deep breath and sighing.

"so we can at least go tonight around the area and see what happens." Sam says.

"sounds like a deal. Let's pack."

After you guys packed, went to eat for dinner, y'all Headed over to where you guys were ready to stay in the woods.

You guys were standing around For awhile, after a long time you seen something move out the corner of your eye. Along with another one.

“There!” Sam whispered. You guys chased the things down, eventually they ran into a small shack.

Dean: “Okay we can trap them in there. are you ready?” both you and Sammy nodded.

“Come on out we seen you run in there.” nothing happened for about a minute so Dean kicked the door down your guns blazing.

Cautiously you guys walked around getting ready for the fight that was waiting to happen.

Out of nowhere there was three figures charging at you guys, one for each of you. The fight went on for a little while. You almost won but then they punched you in the face and gut, making you slide down the wall. She kicked you repeatedly in the abdomen. You spit up some blood and when you tried to crawl away she stomped on your ankle making you give out. "SON OF A BITCH." You looked over and Dean was losing his fight and Sam was just like you; already lost. The girl smashed your head into the floor a couple of times

Smash

Smash

. The fight ended when the girl spoke up; she must be the leader you thought.  

“Okay stop. I think they've had enough for now. Tie them up.”

“Why are you doing this??”

“You don't remember me.?” no one says anything.

“of course not." You all looked and were confused.

Dean: "yeah well we got rid of a vampire werewolf relationship before. You don't ring any bells"

“yeah you killed my mom and her werewolf boyfriend. and then you left me alone, because you never came back.”

“The house was on fire how did you-”

“How did I make it out alive? I wouldnt be alive if it weren't for these people”

“because they turned you.”

“Bingo. These two came the next morning. So I guess you never actually did get rid of that case and I guess you never will.”

“look i'm sorry I didn't know you were there. But it's not Sam and y/n's faults. Just let them go and you can have me.”

“Dean no.” you mumbled.

“Sorry no can do. We're gonna let you leave so you can feel the pain and pity. But...”

She got closer to his face “you need to decide who your gonna let walk out with you and who your gonna have to sacrifice to die. Three of you and only two can leave. Tick tock.” she left the room, leaving a huge elephant in the room. You were beaten pretty badly. You knew all the things Dean did to save Sam so the best bet was for you to stay and them to leave.

“Dean there's no way I'm getting out of here anyway, just go with Sam.”

“NO! Your not staying here are you crazy!!? ”

“then what?”

“I don't know. Can you get out of your ropes Sammy?” Dean was starting to lose it. He couldn't lose any of you.

“I've been trying but I can't get anywhere. Even if we do they're gonna know we got out.”

“It's okay.” You whisper. Dean and Sam both close their eyes and sigh.

After 5 minutes the girl and the others come back in. "So who we killing today?”

Dean: “Me you take it or leave it.”

“We told you, you're not an option. Choose again”

“he's picking me.”      

“y/n.” he growled.

“Dean it's the only way. I love you. It's not your fault don't hate you.”

“Perfect we finally decided.” The girl says and her friend comes over with her fangs baring out. They bend over to your neck; the werewolf just watching. "Say it Dean. Say you choose y/n."

He mouths "sorry" & you smile. "it's okay."

you felt a sharp pain in your neck indicating they did bite you. Your skin was being pulled and your blood was just leaving you. You couldn't hold it in anymore "AHHHHH."

Dean: “Stop! Please! Stooooopppp!!!” the werewolf then came over and helped rip your chest apart the last thing you remembered was Dean's screams “stoop get off her!” you saw the good memories quickly fade, like when you first met him, the laughs you two shared and the pies you guys made etc.. most importantly his lips and hands. Actually the most important things would be the small stuff he did. Like putting his hand on the small part of your back when you were leaving or him running over to open the Impala door for you. Sometimes he would actually give you foot massages too. you would miss his smile and the way his eyes crinkle in the corners, the way his hand covered his mouth when he would laugh when he did. Lately he hasn't so hopefully he will soon.

Dean of course was a crying puddle. “Man she tasted good.”

“Fuck off.” even Sam was closing his eyes and crying.

“okay so he’ll stay here so we can get a running start, you'll be free soon. Well free of being tied up, and now free of a relationship too.” she smirks.

“I'm going to kill you.”

“Too late now, she's already dead. you couldn't even kill me today so we'll see cowboy. ciao.”

She left leaving Dean to more. He couldn't believe it, your body just being ripped and eaten apart. It didn't seem real or like you were there at all. After an hour and a half he let Sam & Dean go. Dean was limping but somehow he managed to kill the werewolf; he was furious. He'll get you back hopefully alongside get you the justice you need or he needs.

“I'm sorry man” Sam says.

“J-just.. don't.” When Sam and Dean got back to the hotel Mary and Jack asked “wheres y/n?” and that just broke him more.

Mary hugged him clearly understanding what he meant.

It felt like he couldn't breathe most of the time therefore Dean didn't go in his and your old room for over a week now. it would bring too much pain to him, so he used one of the extra rooms. He drank and drank but he still Remembered.

He got Rowena, Cas, Jack, and Mary even Garth to help him plan to kill those sons of a bitches.

"we got this Dean." Garth said smiling at him.

"yeah I hope so."

[talkfantasytome]

ooo, thanks for the tag @moodymelanist! 💕💕💕

I'm sorry y'all, I'm way too verbose...

1. How many do you have on Ao3? 27 (though one is literally 100 words 😂 )

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 172,527 (😱 I had no idea! And all since March! May need to keep it tracked and do a 200k celebration.)

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they? Technically four: ACOTAR, Throne of Glass, Crescent City, and Harry Potter - but for Harry Potter it's one, and it's 100 words. 👀

4. What are your top 5 five by kudos?

It Would've Been So Right - 230

Dinner Dances - 100

You're Mine to Mark - 99

Don't Forget Your Orgasm - 98

Did You Know You Have a Freckle? - 70

5. Do you respond to comments, why or why not? I try to! I've definitely not been responding as quickly lately, and then they start to build up, but I do get to them when I can. It's just so heartwarming to me when someone leaves a comment, I want them to know I see it and appreciate it!

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? Can't say any have truly angsty endings...I guess maybe Costume Changes and Dinner Dances are kinda angsty endings, and would count cause they're short story fics in a chronicle of short stories that all tell a larger one. My angstiest fic point blank is How Could They Not? - and where it was left off is soooo angsty. But it's not the end of that fic. And I don't see me ever fully ending anything angsty...maybe one day, never know, we writers are evil creatures.

7. Do you write crossovers? Not yet. 👀 I may have some plans that may or may not bring characters from the different SJM worlds together. Hopefully seamlessly enough that people will enjoy, but all modern au. I don't see me writing characters in another book's world.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic? I haven't, thankfully!

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind? Yes. As for kind, I don't really know. Typically it's people who care for each other strongly in some way, though it's not always stated...sometimes blatantly ignored (Nesta! 🙄)...pretty sure hate/during an argument sex will happen. lol

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I know of! Fingers crossed it doesn't happen. Not gonna pretend Morgan's story doesn't scare me a bit, esp. considering I know my Christmas fic is fucking precious. (She said so, thus it's fact. 👀 ) But, you know, I'll just cross my toes while I'm typing...😬

11. Have you ever had a fic translated? No.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before? No, but definitely open and interested in trying if it makes sense, or is something that I was brainstorming with someone else.

13. What is your all time favorite ship? Admittedly, if I had to pick one OTP and only one, it would probably be Fitz-Simmons from Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. In terms of writing, def Nessian, and then actually Rowaelin. I love Lysaedion a bit more (cause I knew Rowaelin would happen from the start), but I think I prefer writing Rowaelin cause they're easier. 😂 I'll never write Fitz-Simmons, I don't see how I could ever do them justice.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? So many. I'm really hopeful that I'll do my next gen ACTOAR ones. Daughter of Illyria I'm more worried I'll never get planned enough to fully write, but Daughter of Autumn is the one I think I'm more likely to never finish. That, or my Eris/OC fic. But I have so many half-planned WIPs, I'm sure too many won't ever make it to AO3.

15. What are your writing strengths? I think characterization? Character's voices and showing who the character is. I'm also very good world building. Creating new/reimagined beings, the land they live in, new powers, etc - but that's something y'all haven't seen cause I've saved it for my next gen ACOTARs and my original novel idea. And I can do lovely descriptions, when I remember to include them. Also, one liners - not always the best at full banter, but I can give a character a one liner that'll knock you out.

16. What are your writing weaknesses? Plot, character arcs, the general journey. You know, nothing crucial to a story. 👀 But I'm working on it! It just doesn't come natural to me. 😭 Like, I can come up with a general story, but the plot intricacies and having a climax that's a true climax is what's hard. It's why my original novel is 7 years in the making and the writing hasn't even started.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? I only speak English, and I refuse to use google translate for this. If I know someone who can do a proper translation for me, I'll go with that. Like how @angelic-voice-1997 gave me the "What the fuck?" translation for Brazilian Portuguese (Caralho!). Other than that, I'll say it in English and explain what language it's said in. Plus, unless it is a statement that can be figured out with context clues, I don't want to put it in another language other than the language the fic is being written in, because I shouldn't expect my readers to know another language other than the one they're willing reading something in.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for? Probably Harry Potter, but never posted. I wrote a lot in high school, and I think I started with that? Or House of Night? IDK, but I def wrote in those two, Twilight, and The Mighty Ducks back then... none posted. As for first fandom I posted - that would be Crescent City, which I started back in March.

19. What’s your favorite fic you’ve ever written? Ughhhh...in terms of what I've posted, for now, I'd generally say Did You Know You Have a Freckle? Cause it was written in a slightly different style, but I kinda think I nailed what I was going for. And It Would've Been So Right, being my first, has a special place in my heart, because it gave me the courage to do more and come to tumblr and immerse myself in this community. But, honestly, nothing fully stands out. I'm hoping some of my future stuff will stand out to me more, now that I'm getting more used to writing fics and everything.

tagging: @nehemikkele @live-the-fangirl-life @vidalinav

Fic Writer Review

thank you @bl1ndbraavosi for the tag! <3

1. How many do you have on Ao3? 14

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 173840

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they? 5

4. What are your top 5 five by kudos?

Answer Me, 2009 - 658 kudos

Meet Me In The Afterglow - 449 kudos

hope is but a heartache - 381 kudos

A Light That Never Goes Out - 261 kudos

bloom - 255 kudos

5. Do you respond to comments, why or why not? i try to! i always want to make sure readers know how much their thoughts mean to me.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? that's not how i roll. i only write angst if a happy ending follows. there's enough sad shit irl, i don't need to put more out into the world.

7. Do you write crossovers? nope

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic? no

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind? odd as this may sound, smut is a great source of comfort for me, both reading and writing it. i guess i've written first time, one night stand, make up sex, etc.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen? fortunately, no

11. Have you ever had a fic translated? nada

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before? nope

13. What is your all time favorite ship? kakasaku lives in my mind rent-free these days, but sasusaku is my forever otp.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? meet me in the afterglow 😔 all the shit that's happened with seo yeji has kinda killed my inspiration

15. What are your writing strengths? internal monologues lol

16. What are your writing weaknesses? humor

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? depends on the story and context.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for? i can't recall anything before naruto

19. What’s your favorite fic you’ve ever written? Answer Me, 2009

i wanna tag: @southsidestory @murd3rm1ttens @sleepyfoxfanworks 🤗

[thechocolategarage]

How to find more Happy Chocolate going forwards...

OCTOBER 2018                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Greetings Sweet Garagistas, It has been a while since I wrote. I hope the chocolate bars you bought up before we closed have been lasting you, as I have been taking some time to breathe, enjoy quiet and bring my full presence to time with my kids. Who knew even homework, baking and cooking can be so much fun, if you are free and satisfied in the other areas of your life! I was waiting to hear about a new source for Momotombo before sending you an email on how to get your favorite Happy Chocolate bars that we used to bring you at The Chocolate Garage, but I think that may take some time, to work out a new importer, we were the only ones bringing it in... but I can still point you at the places I recommend and where you might end up seeing Momotombo, and you can keep an eye out yourselves. I will say that I may not do justice to my peers who sell craft chocolate, since I don't buy retail bars from my colleagues, so you can look that up yourself to see if they are willing to ship, but here is a short list of the close by shops I know and admire, who sell mostly Happy Chocolate (and some I wouldn't consider Happy) that you can frequent. Locations closest to home, I won't go into the whole country: Chocolate Covered and Fog City News in San Francisco. Dandelion Chocolate where you can visit their factory, buy their bars and all kinds of other pastries and cookies that are using their chocolate. Chocolat Maya in Santa Barbara. Chocolopolis (Seattle), Cacao Portland, Monsieur Marcel, Farm Shop LA. As for specific makers... Patric Chocolate, our all time favorite maker of both plain single origin and fanciful inclusion bars, you can sign up for his notice to hear when he makes his http://patric-chocolate.com/store/ known, and you can also find his online shop at this same link. I recommend signing up for his newsletter, because he doesn't have a traditional online store. Also, if you want to learn more about Alan McClure and how he sees the world of food and chocolate, you can listen to our latest episode of Unwrapped, my podcast co-hosted with Brian Beyke of Abandon Coffee. I know of no other nearly two hour interview that leaves you feeling like you now have an inside look at the perfectionist that is Alan McClure of Patric Chocolate. in addition to being a great chocolate maker, one of the greatest I would venture to say, he is also a dear friend. CRAFT MAKERS Charm School Chocolate, Fruition Chocolate, Ritual Chocolate, Sirene Chocolate, Arete Fine Chocolate, Letterpress Chocolate, Maverick Chocolate, Rogue Chocolatier, Askanya Chocolaterie, Bar au Chocolat, Castronovo, Dandelion, Dick Taylor, Lillie Belle, Lonohana Estate Chocolate, Manoa Chocolate, Marou Chocolate, Michael Mischer, Potomac, Pump Street, SOMA Chocolate, The Smooth Chocolator.... ALL OF THE ABOVE are bars best purchased direct from the maker. You can look up their websites and select away. Buying direct from the maker, especially if you can consolidate a larger order and make it worth their time to send you package of many bars, is the best way to support small makers. Many offer reduced prices on shipping if you buy above a certain amount of chocolate. I would go into a longer conversation on how this works business wise, and the channel conflict it creates, and the importance of small makers being loyal to their stores who ideally (good stores who do the work, like The Chocolate Garage) do a lot to educate and build up their brand, but guess what? That would probably take half an hour... maybe I will discuss this in a podcast episode. And wait for the right timing, most of us are still more concerned with saving money, short sighted behaviour and convenience rather than thoughtful empowered behaviour, so I will wait until the time is more ripe... CHOCOSPHERE The only US distributor that I will whole heartedly embrace and stand behind is Chocosphere. I have worked with them since I started in 2004, and it's rather astonishing to say this, but NEVER, in all my years working with them, has Jerry and team *ever* let me down. It is perhaps sad to say that it is refreshing and remarkable these days to have a 14 year track record with a business who always moves with the most integrity, highest customer service, and diligence that Chocosphere embodies and lives. Here is what you can find on Chocosphere, be not fooled by their old fashioned website. The substance is there and that is what matters. Some of the Garage favorites that we have always bought from Chocosphere include: Chocolat Bonnat, Francois Pralus, Grenada Chocolate Company, Ritual Chocolate, Belvie, Domori Chocolate, FELCHLIN chips, Original Beans, SIBU Chocolate, and hopefully, soon, MOMOTOMBO! MOMOTOMBO UPDATE Carlos was here a couple of weeks ago, and he brought some new bars he has been experimenting with, to taste in a small group in my home. It was so lovely to see him, and he and his dad then headed up to Seattle, stopping in on Jerry at Chocosphere to solidify their relationship, learn more about each other and hopefully begin a relationship. Carlos also went to Chocolopolis where Lauren has taken on some of his bars. Nicaragua remains in a very difficult place, but Carlos assured me that the reason Momotombo was still open was thanks to our Chocolate Garage community efforts. So thank you to all who came in and snapped up plenty of Momotombo on the day we said we would send all the proceeds to Nicaragua, it ended up being $9,000 in sales, and we sent all $9,000. I will admit that right about now, I may fantasize momentarily about how nice it would be to have an additional few thousand in my pocket, as my travel business is paused for personal reasons, and there is no revenue in the near term, but I also know that this was exactly the spirit of why The Chocolate Garage existed, and let's be real, even as a single mom in Palo Alto, life here is nothing if not safe, beauty filled and bubble like-- nothing like what it is to live in Nicaragua in this moment. These days I am loving wandering the market to get my favorite escarole, kabocha squash, collards, walnuts and apricots from Ginger and Gilbert, and hanging with Oscar of High Note Coffee, while he serves up coffee to market goers. It is glorious to not be pouring so much into The Chocolate Garage after so many years, and getting to enjoy the market with all of you. ORIGIN TRIPS & DOCUMENTARIES I am holding off on the Brazil trip I had pre-announced for later this year, but I am hoping that we can still manage a trip to Costa Rica in May 2019. If you are interested in more information about Costa Rica as it comes together, please email me. I will add you to the list and send out more information as it starts to come together. SWITZERLAND I am very excited to be getting back to putting the finishing touches on our documentary on the surprisingly inspiring chocolate scene in one of my homelands: Switzerland. No, Nestlé and Lindt did not exactly inspire me, but there are some beautiful new efforts and a fantastic much older company (Felchlin!) that really impressed me with their visions for cacao and chocolate. I love breaking rules, in fact if you tell me I can't do something, I will probably go out and prove you wrong, not always the greatest trait, but I do admire others who don't let our current limited world view keep them from dreaming up something better. And that is exactly what Choba Choba, Garcoa and Felchlin are doing... full movie soon! Alright y'all, I will sign off now. I have many ideas bubbling up about what comes next, I will use this newsletter to keep you posted and share new amazing makers that I discover and want to share with you... Also, I found this article, if true, extremely uplifting and powerful, the idea that a mistreated worker in China who is working under appalling conditions has hope that if we (the buyers) knew what we were buying, we could make different choices... I suppose most folks might find this paralyzing and depressing, but I see this as a sign of the new awareness we will slowly get tuned into, and hopefully we will start to live our lives more consciously, be it Happy Chocolate, or how we buy purses. I think we are one step closer to the day that we will be able to look more honestly at our own domestic prison labor system and bring change there too. On that hopeful and optimistic note, I bid you adieu, I am off to go see a dear friend who I originally met through The Chocolate Garage, carrying a bottle of Prosecco that was gifted to me by another dear friend who I met through The Chocolate Garage, for an afternoon of sharing, eating, laughing and maybe some tears too! All signs of a rewarding life, fully embraced. So much happy chocolate-ey-ness to you all! Sunita                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

[puckinglandon]

Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you

Landon never knew how nervous he could get until now. Over the years he was able to decipher the difference between his anxiety attacks and his nerves, and was able to figure what he was going through now. It wasn’t anything to do with being on stage, it being the last show. No, it had something to do with what he was planning on doing towards the end of the show. Still having some time to go, he stood backstage with everyone, jumping up and down to calm himself down and not give himself away, hoping it just seemed like he was nervous for the show.

cameron had known since the beginning, and damn had the excitement only worked up since he got the text from landon. situations had changed, sure, but his happiness over what was going to go down hadn't. he was making his rounds backstage, checking in with everyone to make sure everything was good to go, talking to all the families and friends they had allowed in the wings, before he ended up making it to landon, a wide smile on his face. he rested a hand on his shoulder, giving it a squeeze, "how ya doin' man?" he asked, the smile never wavering.

Looking up, Landon couldn’t help the small smile that graced his face as he stopped his movements, nodding his head. “I’m… I’m doing good. Yeah, pretty good.” He said, a laugh escaping him. “I shouldn’t be this nervous, it’s just like every other show, right?” He said, hands coming up to fiddle with his in-ears that rested around his neck. That was what he kept telling himself at least, every time he glanced around the room and his eyes would fall on Julien; that it was just a regular show like every other one that they just played. “How about you? Excited to play in front of everyone?” He grinned, eyes training back on to Cameron.

cameron chuckled softly, wrapping his arm the rest of the way around landons shoulders, "i mean - if you want to look at it like that, sure it is. you're just taking a brief intermission in the middle of the set and that's that." he chuckled softly, patting the younger males back before he took a step away, but staying close so they could keep their words quiet, "oh for sure, these shows are always the worst - nerve wise, since it's everyone you know, but it'll be great. changed the set up a bit, added some oldies in there, good stuff. but - not about me. you got everything you need, yeah? everythings all set? any changes at all? lighting, anything?"

Landon laughed, shaking his head. “Yeah, intermission in between our two most emotionally songs. I picked the best time to do that.” He sighed, hanging his head for a moment before picking it back up. “Yeah no, everything’s set. Gina has the... ring, gonna come to the side when it’s time to give it to me.” He muttered, glancing back up towards Julien to make sure he didn’t hear him. The last thing he needed was him finding out and ruining the surprise.

"oh come on, man. you did pick the best time to do it. it's perfect," he reassured, giving him a gentle nudge to the arm to hopefully pick him out of his funk even just a little bit, "okay, good. that's a good plan, yeah. - if you need anything else, i'll be floating around, so come find me, okay? literally anything you need, i got you."

“Everyone’s going to be crying, can’t wait for that. Sorry if everyone is emotionally unstable during your set after.” He joked. Placing his hand on the others shoulder, he gave him a soft smile. “Seriously, thanks man. For everything.”

"oh god, yeah. i had to calm briar down earlier, she was already getting emotional and i didn't want julien asking questions," he laughed, shaking his head, "oh, we plan to give them time, we have the venue for the night, so we're for sure not going to just follow that up right away. i don't even know if we're going to be able to do y'alls set justice." he grinned, looking to landon, "oh please, don't thank me. you know i'm more than happy to help you out in any way that i can."

“Yeah, Briar was texting me earlier, I could feel the emotions through the phone. Sometimes I feel like her and my mom are more into this than me, if that’s even possible.” He said with a laugh. “I’m sure you guys will be do great. It’s not much different than our regular set. Just you know, something big happening in the middle.” Landon joked, glancing over at the other boys. “Hey, I’m gonna go talk to JD and Parker real quick, make sure everything’s good to go with it all. “

"oh god yeah, i'm sure you could. - i bet your mom is just dying waiting for it all," he agreed, laughing along with him, "hopefully. not trynna fuck up in front of all these people we actually know. - i think that's enough of a change up, no?" cameron joked back, slipping his hands into his pockets, "for sure, man. let me know if anything needs to change, like i said," he nodded once, sliding back into the wall, his eyes scanning through the small crowd of people.

julien was practically bouncing. as tired as he was, as they all were from the rest of the tour, things just felt fucking incredible. getting the keys to the new place ( well, from briar that was ) was a goddamn dream come true and life just seemed to be coming together beautifully. having all their friends and family in one place for a final show before they got to really rest and start on their next journey was a great way to send it all off and the anxiety that had plagued him at the beginning of tour was a distant memory. seeing cam, he damn near floated over and grinned, waving at landon like a toddler before his boyfriend went off to the other boys. “excited, cam?” as hard as the past few weeks had been on the weston man, he seemed to be looking better than he had in a hot minute.

cameron stayed to the wall for a bit, enjoying just being in the company of everyone without the actual interaction. but seeing julien come over, the happiest of grins on his face, caused cameron to do the same, chuckling a bit at the other males actions, "hell yeah, man. you?" he asked, brows slightly raised. he hadn't been home for long, and fuck some of what those few days brought him, but the rest of it - had been actually really amazing, "home shows like this get me good, but it's all fun, so fuck it, yeah? my uncle, his friend, rose and - uh - yeah, they're here, so that's fuckin' awesome. it's gonna be a good time."August 21, 2020

“feels amazing to be home. loved touring, but it’s just... getting to go to the new house, have the yard for the dogs... it all feels surreal. just- yes. this show is gonna be fucking mental and i’m so pumped.” he put his back on the wall like cam, leaning into him some because as they’d all learned over the past few months- he had no concept of personal space. “i bet it’s nice to have your uncle and his friend here. they didn’t live here before, right?”

"doesn't it? yeah, i'm sure that's fuckin' great, dude. you gotta let me come by sometime, i wanna see the new place, i'm sure it's awesome. i'm super happy for y'all, you deserve this good, y'know? the house n' all that. - last run, eh? it's kinda sad, i'm gonna miss seeing you idiots all the time," he laughed, nudging his shoulder into juliens arm, glancing over to him. "oh yeah, it is. they didn't, no. they were up in new york, visited sometimes, but my uncle's one busy ass dude, so, it was hard to," he noted with a shrug, "but they moved down here with my cousin so it's been good to see them again."

“definitely! we’re puttin’ a studio in and i can’t wait til that part’s done. we wanna get some new shit recorded.” julien listened, understanding completely because he definitely already missed the whole tour dynamic ( even if he didn’t miss the cramped bunks ). “we miss you too. like crazy. shit- that’s definitely an improvement. getting to be around him and your cousin? that’s awesome. is your cousin older or like- little?”

"oh shit! hell yeah, man, that sounds like it's gonna be fuckin' awesome. if you need recs for gear or anything, let me know. i have a whole shit ton of stuff that i didn't end up using for mine in my basement too, if you want to dig around and take some shit. wall pads n' all that," he noted, nodding rather excitedly. "i can't say, however, i miss having a cramped ass bed. - but yeah it is, it's really cool havin' them. he's a little guy, five or six? i'm shit with ages. but, he's my dude, i love him."

after telling mikey that she'd be back, gina quickly hunted landon down. she reached down into her purse, feeling for the velvent box, making sure it was still there even though she knew it would be. as soon as she found landon, she immediately punched him in the arm. "scared, potter?" she teased, crossing her arms over her chest, "i mean like...i'd be afraid of stumbling getting down onto one knee but that's just me..."

Landon glared and JD and Parker as they moved away laughing before turning his glare to Gina. “If I’m Potter you’re Malloy. Bleach your hair.” He said, poking her side. “I’m nervous enough as it is Gina, don’t make me even more nervous. I had a nightmare last night that I forgot to put my bass down and tripped over the wire as I went to kneel. I don’t even have a wire attached to it like that.”

regina rolled her eyes, "i think i'd make a really shitty blonde." she chuckled, "oh my god...i'm sorry..." she laughed a little more, "i would die laughing after making sure you're okay if that happened...even though it won't..." she smiled, "so do you know exactly what you're going to say? have you practiced it?"

"That's the whole point. Make you look worse than me." He said with a shrug, before rolling his own eyes. "Oh come on, have a little sympathy for me. In the next few hours, my life is about to change. At least I'm not backing out, right?" Landon laughed, slinging an arm around her shoulders. "Yeah, I may or may not have practiced it few times while he was with Briar setting up the house. I just... don't want to screw it up."

regina shook her head, "were you not blonde a while ago?" she teased, nudging him in the leg with her foot. "yeah, you're about to be fully tied down...couldn't be me..." she said, obviously joking before immediately turning to see if she could see wherever mikey had ended up. she looked back at her brother, smiling, "good, good. do you wanna practice it on me or do i not get to hear until you do it?"

"I had blonde highlights. That's different, besides I'd look good if I went full blonde." He said, nudging her right back. "I am... Honestly I'm not nervous about that, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I'm just nervous I'm gonna screw up." Landon shrugged, before shaking his head. "Nope, it's a surprise. If I start now I'm going to cry and I can't cry yet. We have like... ten minutes or some shit till we go on.”

regina chuckled, shaking her head again. "well, i think you've got this...and you won't screw up...much..." she stuck her tongue out. "i'm excited. i can't wait to help you guys plan the wedding. i'm gonna make sure i catch that bouquet and then i'm gonna harass mikey every day until i turn eighteen." she shrugged, a playful smile as she glanced out again and finally spotted her boyfriend. "i'm gonna go get ready to watch you guys." she stopped dead in her tracks as she was about to pull away from him. "WAIT...speaking of that..." she pulled a folded up piece of poster paper out of her back pocket that was hidden under the shirt of landon's that she'd stolen for the show. she unfolded it and held it up, showing that it read "JUSTICE FOR 18". "since you guys decided to rob me of my favorite song." she teased.

Landon couldn't help the small laugh that escaped him. "This family is the worst at pep talks, I swear." He grinned, only imagining how Mikey is going to react when that time comes. He nodded his head, himself realizing that he should make sure everything is set and find the rest of his band, his eyes training on the paper she pulled out. He rolled his eyes, finally noticing what shirt she was wearing, before letting out a loud laugh that was bound to attract attention. "What is your obsession with that song? Listen, if he says yes, I'll sing that song before wildflower." he joked, before pulling her into a quick hug. "Thanks for everything, Gina. I seriously wouldn't be able to do this without you." He muttered, before pulling away and letting her go to Mikey, taking a deep breath and walking to the side of the stage.

regina smiled, folding it back up, "i don't know...i just like it...it's fun to just dance and wild out to." she said. letting out another laugh, she nodded, "yes, if he says yes, you guys have to play 18. it is law." she hugged him back, rocking back and forth slightly. "i love you, lan. you've got this and i know he's gonna say yes. he'd be dumb not to." when she backed away, she playfully punched him again, "break a leg...but don't trip." she chuckled, waving before heading off back into the crowd to find her boyfriend.

Fast forward forty minutes later, and Landon could feel the nerves coming back. They were nearly done with their set, two songs left to go. Once the cheers died down, he stepped up to the mic. “This is fucking ridiculous.” He said, looking over at his bandmates with a laugh. He waited for the laughs to die down again before looking to the side of the stage, smiling as he saw Regina. “I gotta say, I never thought this moment would come; we’d be at the end of our first ever tour, a tour we got to do with some of our good friends, ending it with our families in a place that means so much to us, the place where we had our first gig.”He grinned, pausing for a second. “This place and this night is so special to us, to me, I figured… why not make it even more special?” He said, ignoring the confused looks coming from most of the crowd, including Julien. “Everyone knows that… well it wasn’t the easiest beginning for me and Julien. No brainer, really. So many people thought it would be too much for me to handle and I’d back out. Clearly, they were wrong.” He grinned, looking over at him. “We have been best friends for… well since I could remember. There isn’t a memory that I have that doesn’t have you in it. And I wouldn’t change that for the world. I still remember the day I came back from camp, saw you with JD and Parker and I just… I instantly knew how I felt. I was only fifteen but looking back at that moment now I think I’ve been in love with you since then.”

“You are my best friend. You are the one that I can go to for anything, that can calm me down with just a hug. You listen to me, you build me up, you make me laugh, you make me cry, you are everything I could ever want. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t wake up and think how happy I am that you’re in my life. And there’s no doubt in my mind that waking up to your face every day is something I wouldn’t mind continuing for a really long time.” He paused, taking a deep breath he moved off to the back for a moment, slinging off his bass and putting it on the stand. On his way back to the front of the stage he motioned to Regina, a nervous smile on his face as she handed off the box to him. He waited till she walked back off in the crowd and to their family, before talking again. “Julien. The absolute love of my life, I know we’re young, I know we’ve been together for just a few months, but honestly, if you think about it. It’s been years we’ve been together. We’ve just made it official.” He shrugged, a laugh escaping him as he looked over at him. “I love you so much, and you are the only one I can ever imagine myself taking this next step with. There’s only one thing I want to change about you, and that’s your last name.” He stepped away from his mic, only to move closer to Julien, shuffling for only a minute before kneeling down on one knee and opening the coveted box in his shaking hands. The venue was so quiet you could hear a pin drop, he had no doubt everyone would be able to hear the most important words to ever come out of his mouth next. “Julien Avery Schuester. If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing? Will you marry me?”August 22, 2020

Julien felt on top of the fucking world. Tour was over and despite the sadness he felt over that, it was the first time the world had felt so clear and bright. Their home was coming together beautifully, they all had ideas for the next album... Their lives had changed so much over the past few months. If he’d been told a year ago that they’d be on stage for so many different venues and then, there in front of their families for final time he’d have called someone crazy. But, it has become a reality.  He’d already been in his emotions through the last few songs. Parker killing The Only Reason, getting in his own feelings through Ghost Of You... Then him and Landon with Amnesia. It was arguably the most feelsy part of their set especially with Best Years next. Landon had started talking and Julien had taken the opportunity to get water for a second, turning back to Landon with confusion on his face when the tone of his words changed. What the hell was he doing? Taking a few steps closer he listened, eyes getting shiny even before it hit him what was coming. No... He wasn’t... Holy shit. When Regina came forth and handed him the box it finally clicked what was actually happening and his hands flew over his mouth. Landon was proposing. The few seconds it take to form words were probably agonizing for everyone in the room but he was going to fucking bawl- okay? “Landon,” He managed, voice choked. “Fuck- yes. I’ll marry you. I-I love you.” The second Landon moved to stand he practically launched himself at him, openly sobbing as Parker and JD screeched in excitement in the background.

The few seconds it took for Julien to answer the was most agonizing for Landon. He could see the tears in his eyes though, and once the words left his mouth it felt like his whole world fell into place. He could feel his own tears threatening to fall as he stood, getting an arm full of Julien thrown into him; not that he was complaining one bit. It was like the weight that he was carrying ever since that day in Disney disappeared as soon as Julien said yes. Landon couldn’t help but let out a breathy laugh, wrapping his arms tight around Julien. He took a moment for themselves as the arena erupted in screams of cheers and clapping, getting the idea that Julien had indeed said yes and Landon was nervous about nothing. It was only when he felt two other pair of arms wrap around them that he finally pulled back, only enough to reopen the box. Shaky hands grabbed at the ring, before reach for Juliens hand and slipping the ring on, secretly thankful that it fit. The grin only grew as he looked at his fiancés face. “I love you.”

His friends arms around him were barely registered, Julien’s main focus having gone tunnel vision on Landon. The ring fit perfectly of course, and it was beautiful.  He leaned forward and kissed him, arms wrapping around his shoulders. As much as he didn’t want to pull away, he did, and he still couldn’t control his tears. “You little shit, you’ve been planning this for how long?” He choked out with a small laugh.

landon laughed, arms wrapping around Julien's waist and pulling him close, completely forgetting they were on stage. He happily kissed back, feeling like he was on top of the world. He sighed as Julien pulled away, keeping his arms around him. "Ah.. since the end of june? I uh... I asked Cam to add this date." He admitted, ducking his head as he heard the laughs echoing around the venue.