#hopefully I will see him again but. we live in different countries so if I do it will be short and rare

[planerider-ryn]

No context but it's strong loving my friends hour

[mcrdvcks]

i love you, in every time ࿐‧₊ 1880 - labyrinth of my heart

chapter summary: When walking the streets of Chicago he spots you across the street, so real, so alive. Logan takes this as a second chance; but fear slowly slithers up, making him wonder if he'll lose you all over again.

word count: 9.3k+

pairing: Logan Howlett x fem!reader

notes: first, i want to say thank you so much for the support and love for this series! this is way shorter than the first chapter, only because i wanted the ending to feel abrupt to hopefully make it feel more realistic. anyways, i'm super excited for next chapter since it's a concept i haven't ever really done before. but for now, enjoy this while it lasts :)

warnings/tags: fluff, angst, outdated mindsets on women, character death

series masterlist - chapter 1 → chapter 3

Logan left New York City after you died, going back to Victor who told him exactly what he expected to hear, ‘you shouldn’t have fallen in love,’ and ‘the only people we can trust is each other’.

The Civil War had begun seven years after your death as he and Victor fought for the North for four whole years. There was one thing he always kept with him, the ring he bought for you, that he never got to use. It stayed in his pocket at all times, never leaving, always there.

He had been doing the same thing he was doing before he met you, moving around the country, never staying in a spot for too long, doing odd jobs to stay afloat.

Logan found himself in Chicago, walking along the sidewalk, the faint sound of a train in the distance. The air was heavy with the scent of coal smoke, the city bustling with life in the late afternoon. Men in long coats and women in modest dresses hurried past him, some tipping their hats in his direction as he walked by. It was just another city to him, another place he would pass through on his way to nowhere in particular.

It had been 26 years since you died. Twenty-six long years, but to Logan, it still felt like yesterday. The weight of your loss hadn’t lessened. If anything, it had only grown heavier. Every town, every face he saw, reminded him of you in some way. That soft smile you always wore, the way you’d brush your hair behind your ear when you were deep in thought. He kept your memory alive in the smallest of ways. The ring he’d never had the chance to give you stayed in his pocket, its presence a constant, painful reminder.

He walked without a destination, his mind lost in the past as his feet carried him down the streets of Chicago. The city had a pulse of its own, far different from the quiet life in New York where you’d once lived, where you had died in his arms. He hadn't felt truly alive since then—just going through the motions of life, the decades slipping by as if time itself didn’t matter.

As Logan neared a small schoolhouse, something caught his eye. A group of children were gathered outside, their laughter echoing through the street as they played. But it wasn’t the children that caused Logan to stop. It was the woman standing among them, her smile bright as she helped one of the younger boys tie his shoe. The world around him seemed to blur, fading away as his gaze locked onto her.

It was you.

Logan’s heart stilled in his chest. He blinked, sure that his eyes were playing tricks on him, but there you were, the same face, the same gentle presence. You looked exactly as you had all those years ago—maybe a little younger, maybe a little different, but unmistakably you.

For a moment, he couldn’t move. He just stood there, watching you laugh with the children, completely unaware of his presence. His mind struggled to make sense of what he was seeing. You were dead. He had been there. He had held you as you took your last breath, felt the life leave your body. And yet, here you were, as if the last 26 years had never happened.

Logan’s feet moved on their own, pulling him closer to the schoolyard. His heart pounded in his chest, his throat dry. His mind raced with a thousand questions. How could this be? Was it some kind of dream? A cruel trick?

But the closer he got, the more real you became. You were wearing a simple dress, your hair tied up in a way he hadn’t seen before, and yet everything about you felt so familiar. The way you carried yourself, the warmth in your eyes as you spoke to the children—it was all you.

“Excuse me, miss,” he called out, his voice rougher than he intended.

You turned at the sound of his voice, your eyes meeting his for the first time, and Logan felt his heart lurch. It was like being thrown back in time—like the years between this moment and the day you died had vanished. You looked at him with a polite curiosity, but there was no recognition in your eyes. No flicker of memory. To you, he was just a stranger.

“Yes, can I help you?” you asked, your voice soft, kind.

Logan’s breath caught in his throat. He didn’t know what to say. How could he possibly explain what was running through his mind? How could he tell you that he had loved you, that he had lost you, and that now—somehow—you were standing in front of him again?

“I... I thought I knew you,” he said, his voice low, almost a whisper. He didn’t trust himself to say more. His hands clenched into fists at his sides, the ring in his pocket suddenly feeling heavier than ever.

You smiled, but it was the smile of someone trying to be polite, not of someone who knew him. “I don’t think we’ve met before,” you said. “I’m Y/N. I’m the schoolteacher here.”

Logan swallowed hard. Of course, you wouldn’t remember. You had no idea who he was, no memory of the life you’d lived before. To you, this was just another day, another moment. But to Logan, it was everything. The realization hit him like a punch to the gut. You were here, alive again, but you weren’t his Y/N. Not yet, anyway.

“I’m Logan,” he finally managed, his voice thick with emotion he couldn’t hide. He couldn’t take his eyes off you, his heart aching in a way that felt both familiar and new.

You nodded, offering another warm smile. “It’s nice to meet you, Logan. Was there something you needed?”

Logan shook his head slowly, still reeling from the shock of seeing you again. “No,” he said quietly. “No, I... I just thought you looked like someone I used to know.”

You tilted your head slightly, a curious look in your eyes. “I get that sometimes. Chicago’s a big city, but it can feel small.”

Logan nodded, though his mind was far from this moment. He couldn’t tear his gaze away from you, couldn’t shake the feeling that this was some kind of miracle—a second chance. But what could he do with it? Could he approach you, tell you everything? Or would that only drive you away?

Before he could say anything more, the school bell rang, and the children started to gather their things. You glanced back at the sound, then looked at him with an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry, I have to get back to my class. But maybe I’ll see you around?”

Logan nodded, his throat too tight to respond with words. He watched as you turned and walked back toward the schoolhouse, his heart aching with the weight of all the things he couldn’t say.

For the first time in 26 years, Logan felt hope stir in his chest. You were here. You were alive. And even if you didn’t remember him, even if you didn’t know who he was... he couldn’t walk away. Not this time.

---

Logan stayed near the schoolyard most afternoons, hidden just enough not to draw attention, watching you from a distance. It felt strange, almost painful, standing there, knowing you had no idea who he was. Every time you emerged from the schoolhouse with Ida, another schoolteacher, chatting and laughing, the urge to approach you tugged at him. But fear held him back—fear that you’d think he was insane, or worse, that you’d reject him outright.

He clenched his fists inside his coat pockets, feeling the cool metal of the ring press against his palm. It had been with him through wars, across states, through lifetimes. And now, here you were, alive again, and he still didn’t know what to do with it.

It was absurd, the way his heart raced just from seeing you walk down the street. How after all these years—after so much pain—hope could sneak its way back in. This wasn’t just a coincidence. It couldn’t be. Logan wasn’t the type to believe in magic or miracles, but what else could explain this?

As he lingered, the school bell rang, signaling the end of another day. Children poured out of the building, laughing and running. A few hung on your arms as you walked them down the steps, their chatter filling the air.

Logan shifted from foot to foot, nerves prickling along his spine. Just talk to her, idiot. You’ve been through worse.

But when you stepped into the street, Ida at your side as usual, the words died in his throat.

“Y/N, you coming for dinner at my place tonight?” Ida asked, tucking a stray curl beneath her bonnet.

You smiled, brushing your hands on your skirts. “Can’t tonight, but I’ll stop by tomorrow. The kids wore me out today.”

Ida chuckled. “You’ll turn into an old maid before you’re thirty at this rate.”

You rolled your eyes, but your laugh was warm. Logan felt the sound of it settle deep in his chest—like an old memory coming back to life. It was a laugh he hadn’t heard in 26 years, and it took everything in him not to run to you right then and there.

As you and Ida turned the corner toward the tenement, Logan followed at a distance. His heart hammered against his ribs. He just needed a moment, a chance to say something—anything.

Finally, the two of you paused outside the building. Ida gave you a quick hug before heading upstairs, leaving you alone on the stoop. You stood there for a moment, adjusting your shawl against the evening chill.

This is it. Now or never.

Logan forced his feet to move, crossing the street toward you.

You looked up as he approached, a little surprised but not alarmed. “Logan, wasn’t it?”

His throat felt tight, but he gave a short nod. “Yeah. Logan.”

You smiled softly, the same kind smile that had haunted his dreams. “What brings you by?”

He cleared his throat, trying to find the right words. “I... I’ve been meaning to talk to you.”

Your brow furrowed slightly, but there was no fear, only curiosity. “About what?”

Logan shifted his weight, his hands tightening around the edges of his coat. The ring in his pocket seemed to burn against his skin, a reminder of everything unsaid.

“I... You remind me of someone,” he admitted, voice low. “Someone I lost a long time ago.”

You studied him for a moment, your gaze steady but gentle. “I’m sorry,” you said quietly. “That must’ve been hard.”

Logan’s jaw clenched. “Yeah,” he muttered. “It was.”

There was a beat of silence between you—heavy, charged with the weight of all the things Logan couldn’t say. You didn’t know him, didn’t know what you’d meant to him in another life, but standing here, so close to you again, it felt like the world had tilted back into place.

“You... wanna walk for a bit?” Logan asked suddenly, the words tumbling out before he could stop them.

You hesitated, but only for a moment. Something in his expression must’ve stirred your kindness, because you nodded. “Alright.”

The two of you started down the sidewalk together, the city humming around you. Logan kept his hands stuffed in his pockets, fingers brushing the ring again and again like a talisman.

“So, how long have you been in Chicago?” you asked, glancing over at him.

Logan shrugged. “Not long. Just passing through.”

You gave a small smile. “It’s a good place to get lost in for a while.”

He huffed a quiet laugh. “Yeah. Guess so.”

The conversation fell into a comfortable rhythm after that—small talk, nothing too deep. Logan told you bits and pieces about his travels, careful not to reveal too much. He learned that you’d moved to Chicago a couple of years ago, taking the teaching job because it felt right.

“I’ve always liked working with kids,” you said with a soft smile. “There’s something... hopeful about it, you know?”

Logan nodded, though hope had been a foreign concept to him for a long time. But walking beside you now, listening to your voice, he felt something stir in him—a flicker of warmth he thought he’d lost forever.

As the evening deepened and the sky turned a dusky purple, you reached your building again. You stopped on the stoop, turning to face him.

“Thank you for the walk,” you said, your smile gentle. “It was nice.”

Logan nodded, his heart heavy with everything he wanted to say but couldn’t. “Yeah. It was.”

For a moment, it felt like time stood still—like the universe had bent just enough to give him this moment with you. And even though you didn’t remember him, didn’t know the history you shared, Logan knew he couldn’t let you slip away again.

“Y/N...” he began, his voice low, almost hesitant.

You tilted your head, waiting.

He swallowed hard, the words catching in his throat. “Can I see you again?”

Your smile widened, something warm flickering in your eyes. “I’d like that.”

Logan gave a short nod, his heart pounding against his ribs.

“Good,” he murmured.

And for the first time in 26 years, Logan allowed himself to believe—just for a moment—that maybe, just maybe, he’d found his way back to you.

---

You had taken up Ida’s offer after all, you lived in the same building so it wasn’t like it was out of the way for you.

“Oh, hey! Thought you weren’t gonna come by.”

You shrugged, taking off your shawl, “changed my mind.” You sat down on the couch and told Ida about your walk with Logan, and she listened intently.

“I’m surprised you hadn’t noticed him. He’s been watching the schoolyard for the past few weeks.”

"Wait, what do you mean, ‘he’s been watching the schoolyard for weeks?’” you asked, your brows knitting together as you leaned forward.

Ida waved her hand dismissively but gave you a sly smile. “Oh, don’t get the wrong idea. He hasn’t been creepy about it or anything. Just... noticed him hanging around, that’s all. Kind of hard to miss a guy like that, don’t you think?”

You blinked, a sudden flush creeping up your neck. “A guy like what?”

“Oh, come on, Y/N,” she teased, sitting down across from you. “Tall, rugged... that serious, brooding look. You’re telling me you didn’t notice? He’s practically been glued to the corner across from the schoolhouse for days.”

You chewed on your bottom lip, thinking back to the walk you’d just had with Logan. You hadn’t seen him watching the school, but now that Ida mentioned it... there had been something in his eyes. A familiarity you couldn’t quite place, like he was looking at you but seeing something—or someone—else.

“I didn’t know he was hanging around,” you admitted, glancing down at your hands. “But... he seems kind. Sad, but kind.”

Ida leaned back, crossing her arms over her chest with a thoughtful hum. “Sad, huh? You picked up on that, too?”

You nodded, feeling a strange tightness in your chest. There had been a weight to Logan’s presence, something unspoken in his voice, like he was carrying the world on his shoulders. And then there was the way he looked at you—like he wanted to say something but couldn’t bring himself to.

“You think he’s okay?” you asked quietly.

Ida shrugged, her teasing expression softening. “Who knows? The world’s a tough place. We all got our own burdens to carry. But... maybe he’s looking for something.”

“Looking for what?”

“Maybe someone to share the load,” she replied with a small smile, her eyes twinkling. “Maybe that someone’s you.”

You shook your head, the idea seeming too far-fetched. “I don’t even know him, Ida. I mean, we just talked for the first time today.”

“Hey, stranger things have happened,” Ida said, getting up to grab a pot of tea from the stove. “You felt something, right? That’s not nothing.”

You sighed, leaning back against the couch. “I guess. He did say I reminded him of someone he lost.”

Ida paused, setting the teapot down carefully. “Lost, huh? That would explain the sad part. But... why hang around you then? What’s he hoping to find?”

“I don’t know,” you murmured, more to yourself than to her. The idea that Logan had been watching you, even unknowingly, made something stir in your chest—a mix of curiosity and something you couldn’t quite name.

Ida handed you a cup of tea, sitting back down beside you. “Well, maybe next time you see him, you can ask.”

You looked up at her, one eyebrow raised. “Ask him why he’s hanging around the schoolyard?”

Ida laughed softly. “Maybe not that bluntly, but yeah. There’s something about him, Y/N. Might be worth finding out what.”

You sipped the tea, the warmth spreading through you. Maybe Ida was right. Maybe Logan was carrying something heavy, and maybe—just maybe—you could help.

---

The next day, you found yourself more aware of your surroundings as you walked to the schoolhouse. Every sound, every movement seemed sharper. You scanned the street, looking for a familiar figure, but Logan wasn’t there—at least, not that you could see.

The day went on as usual, though you felt a bit distracted, your mind drifting to the walk you’d shared with him. There was something about Logan that pulled at you, a quiet intensity that you couldn’t shake. He was a mystery, and part of you wanted to solve it.

When the school day ended, you lingered outside a little longer than usual, hoping—half-expecting—that he might show up again. The children ran off, their laughter echoing down the street as they disappeared into their homes. You smiled at the sight, but your thoughts were elsewhere.

“Looking for someone?”

You jumped slightly, turning to find Logan standing just a few feet away. He had approached so quietly you hadn’t even heard him.

“Logan,” you said, surprised but not unwelcome. “I didn’t see you.”

He gave a small shrug, his hands shoved into his coat pockets. “Didn’t mean to sneak up on you.”

You smiled softly, your heartbeat slowing as the initial surprise wore off. “It’s alright. Just didn’t expect to see you today.”

Logan shifted his weight, his gaze flicking to the ground for a moment before meeting yours again. “I wanted to see if you’d like to take another walk. If you’re not too tired, that is.”

You hesitated, but only for a second. There was something in his voice—something vulnerable, almost hesitant. And despite not knowing him well, you found yourself wanting to say yes.

“I’d like that,” you said, stepping down from the schoolhouse stoop.

The two of you started walking again, this time in a different direction, the afternoon sun casting long shadows over the street. For a while, neither of you spoke. It was a comfortable silence, though, the kind that didn’t need to be filled with words. Logan walked beside you, his steps steady but deliberate, like he was trying to figure something out.

“Why’ve you been hanging around the school?” you finally asked, your curiosity getting the better of you. “Ida said she noticed you there for a while.”

Logan’s jaw tightened slightly, and he didn’t answer right away. When he did, his voice was quiet. “I wasn’t trying to... I don’t know. I guess I was just... drawn there.”

“Drawn there?” you echoed, glancing up at him.

He nodded, his gaze fixed ahead. “Yeah. Like I said before, you remind me of someone.”

You didn’t press, sensing that whatever it was, it was personal. Instead, you walked in silence for a few more steps before Logan stopped abruptly.

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” he said, turning to face you fully. His eyes were intense, but there was something almost apologetic in them. “If I am, just tell me, and I’ll leave you alone.”

You shook your head quickly. “No, you’re not making me uncomfortable.”

Logan studied your face, his expression unreadable for a moment. Then he gave a small nod, almost as if he was relieved.

“Alright,” he said quietly.

The conversation shifted after that, lightening as you talked about small things—the city, your students, even the weather. Logan listened more than he spoke, but you could feel him relax bit by bit, the tension in his posture easing as the afternoon wore on.

When you reached your building again, Logan stopped with you on the stoop. There was a moment of hesitation, like he wasn’t sure if he should stay or go.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” you asked, offering him a small smile.

Logan looked at you for a long beat before nodding. “Yeah. Tomorrow.”

As you turned to head inside, you couldn’t help but glance back over your shoulder. Logan was still standing there, watching you with that same look in his eyes—the one that made you feel like you were more than just a stranger to him.

And in that moment, you realized... you didn’t want to be just a stranger to him either.

---

After about a week of Logan walking you home, it became a familiar routine. Each time, you’d stand on the stoop, exchanging a few words before you’d head inside, always with that lingering feeling of something left unsaid. But tonight was different—the air was colder, and the wind was biting, so when you reached your building, you didn’t hesitate.

“You’re not going out in that cold again,” you said firmly, reaching for his arm. He tensed slightly under your touch, but you ignored it, tugging him toward the door. “Ten minutes outside in the cold, you need to warm up before you go.”

Logan didn’t protest, but you could sense his hesitation. He glanced around the dimly lit hallway as you led him up the stairs to your small apartment.

“Don’t worry,” you teased, trying to lighten the mood. “I won’t keep you long. Just until you can feel your fingers again.”

He gave a small, almost imperceptible nod, following you inside. Once you were both in, you motioned for him to sit down on the worn couch, tossing your shawl onto a chair as you made your way to the stove to boil some water for tea.

Logan stood there for a moment, his eyes scanning the modest space, before finally sitting down. His presence seemed to fill the room, making it feel smaller, more intimate.

“You don’t gotta fuss,” he muttered, his gruff voice breaking the silence. “I’m alright.”

“Humor me,” you replied with a soft smile, setting a kettle on the stove. “Besides, I’ve been dragging you along on these walks. Least I can do is make sure you’re not freezing to death.”

Logan huffed a quiet laugh, leaning back into the couch. His eyes followed your movements, though his expression stayed guarded. He looked... cautious, like he wasn’t sure how to be here with you, in this space. It was strange, this carefulness, coming from a man who seemed so unbreakable.

“Why don’t you tell me more about yourself?” you asked, turning to face him while the water heated up. “We’ve been walking for a week, and I feel like I barely know you.”

Logan’s gaze shifted, and you could tell he was weighing his words. “Not much to tell,” he said after a beat. “Just a guy who’s been around a while.”

You raised an eyebrow, crossing your arms. “That’s it? No family, no friends? You just... wander?”

He looked down at his hands, his fingers idly tracing the worn fabric of the couch. “Had family once. Friends, too. Lost most of ‘em.”

There was a heaviness in his voice, and you could feel the weight of his words. You didn’t push him, though. Instead, you poured the hot water into two cups, walking over and handing him one.

“Sorry,” you said softly. “That must’ve been hard.”

Logan took the cup but didn’t drink right away. He stared down into the tea, his expression unreadable. “Life’s hard for everyone,” he muttered, more to himself than to you.

You sat down beside him, the warmth from the cup seeping into your hands. For a while, the two of you sat in silence, sipping tea and letting the quiet fill the space. There was something about being near him that made you feel calm, like the world slowed down for a little while when he was around.

“Why’d you let me walk with you?” Logan asked suddenly, his voice rougher than before.

You blinked, caught off guard by the question. “What do you mean?”

“You don’t know me,” he said, shaking his head slightly. “Most people wouldn’t... They’d be scared, or they’d push me away. But you... you let me stay.”

You frowned, trying to find the right words. “I don’t know... I guess I just felt like... I should.” You shrugged, feeling a little self-conscious under his intense gaze. “Besides, you’re not exactly a scary guy. Brooding, sure, but not scary.”

A small, barely-there smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “You’re not afraid of much, are you?”

You laughed softly, shaking your head. “Not really. I mean, what’s the point of being afraid? Life’s hard enough without worrying about things that might not even happen.”

Logan’s smile faded, replaced by that familiar look of sadness. He stared into his cup for a moment, then set it down on the table in front of him. “Yeah,” he muttered. “Guess you’re right.”

The silence stretched between you again, but this time it felt heavier, like there was something unsaid hanging in the air. You could feel it, pressing down on both of you, but neither of you seemed ready to break it.

Finally, Logan stood up, his movements slow and deliberate. “I should go,” he said, though he didn’t make a move toward the door.

You stood up too, your heart pounding a little harder than usual. “Logan...”

He turned to face you, his eyes dark and full of something you couldn’t quite place. “Yeah?”

You took a step closer, your hand reaching out to touch his arm again. “You don’t have to carry it all alone,” you said softly.

For a moment, he just looked at you, his expression unreadable. Then, without saying a word, he nodded once, a silent acknowledgment that you didn’t need to explain.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said quietly before turning to leave.

You watched him go, your heart heavy but hopeful. There was something between you—something unspoken, something old—and you weren’t ready to let it go.

Not yet.

---

It had taken a few more days to convince Logan to come back into your apartment. You weren’t sure how you convinced him this time, but you were happy that you did.

Your apartment smelled nice and homey. Before you had left for work, you had put bread in the oven to bake, and now, as you came back home with Logan in tow, it was finished. The warm, inviting scent of freshly baked bread filled the room as you stepped inside. Logan hesitated in the doorway, lingering for a moment before following you in, his expression unreadable but curious.

You busied yourself with the bread, slicing into the crust and offering Logan a piece. He took it, though his attention seemed more focused on you than the food.

"Thanks," he muttered, taking a bite.

You smiled, trying to ignore the way your heart sped up just from him being here. "I was thinking..." you started, turning to grab a couple of plates from the cupboard. "Maybe we could go into the city tomorrow? It’s market day. There's a lot to see, and it’d be nice to get out of the schoolhouse routine for a bit."

Logan raised an eyebrow, leaning back against the counter. "Market, huh?"

"Yeah, you know, just... walk around. Maybe pick up a few things." You looked over at him, half expecting him to decline, but to your surprise, he didn’t.

"Alright," he said, his voice low but without hesitation. "I’ll come with you."

You smiled, feeling a small flutter of excitement in your chest. "Great. It’ll be fun. I promise."

---

The next day, you found yourself walking through the bustling streets of Chicago with Logan by your side. The market was crowded, full of people haggling and chatting, the air thick with the smell of fresh produce, spices, and the occasional whiff of roasting meat. It was a world away from the quiet walks you'd shared, and you could feel Logan's unease in the busy atmosphere. But he stayed close, his hand brushing yours more than once as you wove through the crowd.

"Do you come here often?" Logan asked, his eyes scanning the vendors with mild interest.

"Once or twice a month," you replied. "I like the energy here. Makes the city feel alive, you know?"

Logan grunted in response, though he didn’t seem entirely convinced. You could tell he wasn’t used to this—being around so many people—but he stuck close to you, his presence protective without being overbearing.

After a while, you stopped at a stall selling flowers. The colors were vibrant, a burst of life in the middle of the dusty street. You picked up a small bouquet of wildflowers, smiling as you held them up.

"These are my favorite," you said, glancing up at Logan. "They're simple but... I don't know, they make me happy."

Logan’s gaze softened as he looked at the flowers in your hand, then back at you. There was something in his eyes, a flicker of something unspoken, but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he reached into his coat and pulled out a few coins, handing them to the vendor before you could protest.

"Logan, you don’t have to—"

"Consider it a thank you," he said quietly, cutting you off. "For the bread."

You blinked, surprised but touched by the gesture. "Well, thank you."

He nodded, and the two of you continued walking, the flowers resting in the crook of your arm as the city bustled around you. For a while, you walked in comfortable silence, the sounds of the market fading into the background as the two of you wandered further from the busy streets. Eventually, you found a quiet park at the edge of the city, a small, peaceful space away from the noise.

You sat down on a bench, feeling the cool breeze brush against your skin. Logan sat beside you, his posture relaxed but his eyes always scanning the area, as if he couldn’t fully let his guard down.

"Do you ever stop looking over your shoulder?" you asked, half teasing but curious.

Logan’s mouth twitched into a small smile, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. "Old habit."

You studied him for a moment, sensing there was more behind those words. He had a way of holding himself, like he was always ready for something, always waiting. It made you wonder just how much he’d seen, how much he’d lived through.

"I’m glad you came with me today," you said softly, looking out at the park. "I feel like I’ve been stuck in a routine for a while now. It’s nice to just... do something different."

Logan glanced at you, his gaze lingering a little longer than usual. "I’m glad I came too," he admitted, his voice low.

There was something in the way he said it, something that made your heart skip a beat. The air between you felt different, charged with a quiet tension that neither of you seemed willing to break. You wondered if he felt it too—the strange pull between you, like something just beneath the surface was waiting to be uncovered.

After a long pause, Logan spoke again. "I ain’t good at... this." He gestured vaguely, his brow furrowing as he searched for the right words. "Being close to people."

You turned to him, surprised by the admission. "You’re doing fine," you said gently.

Logan’s jaw clenched slightly, and he shook his head. "It’s not that simple."

You felt a pang of something—sympathy, maybe, or understanding. Whatever it was, it made you reach out, your hand lightly brushing his. "You don’t have to explain," you said softly. "I get it."

Logan’s eyes flickered down to where your hand rested near his. For a moment, he didn’t move. Then, slowly, he turned his hand over, his rough fingers brushing against yours in the faintest of touches. It wasn’t much, but it felt like a step—like maybe, just maybe, he was letting you in.

---

As you walked to the tenement building after work one day, you glanced over at Logan. “You ever been to the exhibition hall in the city?”

Logan looked over to you, slightly puzzled by the question. “The exhibition?”

You nodded, turning toward him. “There’s a display of inventions and art from all over. I heard they’ve got this new thing—electric lights. I was thinking about going this weekend, and… maybe you’d like to come with me?”

For a moment, Logan just stared at you, as if unsure what to say. The idea of stepping out into the city, surrounded by people, probably wasn’t something he did often. But he shifted slightly, his eyes softening in that way they did when you caught him off guard.

“You want me to go with you?” he asked, a hint of surprise in his voice.

“Well, yeah,” you said, smiling. “We’ve been walking the same few streets for days. Thought it might be nice to do something different. Besides, I’m curious about those lights. They say it’s going to change the way people live.”

Logan gave a low, thoughtful hum, and for a moment, you worried he might decline. But then he nodded slowly, his expression softening further. “Alright. I’ll go.”

Your smile widened. “Great! We can meet at my place on Saturday afternoon, then head out.”

The conversation drifted back into easier topics—your students, a new bakery that had opened nearby, and the way the city seemed to grow busier every day. But beneath it all, you couldn’t shake the feeling that this small invitation marked a shift, a way to see more of who Logan was beyond the quiet man who walked beside you in silence. Maybe out in the world, you’d understand him better.

---

Saturday came quickly, and the two of you walked side by side through the busy streets, the sounds of horses and carriages filling the air. You led Logan through the bustling avenues toward the exhibition hall, your excitement barely contained.

“Ever seen anything like this?” you asked, glancing up at him as the towering hall came into view.

Logan’s eyes flicked over the building, a hint of amusement tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Not in a while.”

Inside, the hall was a wonder of modern marvels. Booths lined with mechanical inventions, sculptures, and paintings from around the world. The hum of excitement filled the air, and the bright new electric lights cast a strange, almost magical glow over everything.

You wandered the displays together, your curiosity leading the way. Logan stayed close, his attention less on the inventions and more on you. Every now and then, he'd glance at a piece of machinery or a strange-looking contraption, but his eyes kept drifting back to your face, watching the way your expression changed with each new discovery.

"This is incredible," you murmured, leaning in to get a closer look at a large machine labeled as an ‘automatic loom.’ You smiled at Logan, your excitement clear. "Can you imagine how much time this would save?"

Logan nodded, though you could tell his thoughts were elsewhere. "Yeah, I can see how it'd be useful."

You moved to the next display, but Logan lingered for a moment. When he finally caught up, you were already studying a painting—a soft, pastoral scene that contrasted with the industrial energy around you.

"It's beautiful, isn’t it?" you said, glancing at him.

Logan’s gaze flicked to the painting, but quickly returned to you. "Yeah," he said, though it was clear he wasn’t talking about the art.

You felt his eyes on you again and looked up, meeting his gaze. There was something there—something that made your heart skip. Logan had always been protective, always hovering just close enough to shield you if need be. But this felt different, like there was more to it now.

"You sure this ain’t boring for you?" you asked, trying to lighten the moment. "I know you’re not one for crowds."

Logan gave a quiet grunt, his version of a chuckle. "It’s fine. Long as you’re enjoying yourself."

You smiled, touched by the sentiment. "I am. Thanks for coming with me."

For a while, you wandered together in silence, taking in the sights and sounds of the exhibition hall. The crowds around you buzzed with excitement, but the space between you and Logan felt almost separate—like the world had shrunk to just the two of you.

At one point, you stopped in front of a display showcasing early electric light bulbs. "Look at that," you said, pointing to the glass bulbs flickering with soft light. "They’re saying these will replace gas lamps soon."

Logan raised an eyebrow. "Doesn’t seem right, replacing something that’s worked for so long."

"Change is good sometimes," you said, glancing at him. "It keeps things moving forward."

Logan met your eyes, his expression soft but thoughtful. "Guess I’ve never been good with change."

You tilted your head slightly, sensing the weight behind his words. "Maybe you just haven’t found the right reason to embrace it yet."

For a moment, Logan didn’t respond. His gaze lingered on you, like he was trying to make sense of something. Then, slowly, he nodded. "Maybe."

As the afternoon wore on, the two of you eventually stepped outside the exhibition hall, the sun low in the sky and the city’s evening glow starting to take over. The air felt cooler now, a welcome relief after the warmth of the crowded hall.

You walked beside Logan in comfortable silence, but the charged undercurrent between you hadn’t faded. It felt like something had shifted—like you’d both acknowledged a deeper connection, even if neither of you had fully put it into words yet.

"You want to get something to eat?" Logan asked, breaking the silence.

"Sure," you said, smiling up at him. "There’s a place not far from here. They make the best stew."

Logan nodded, falling into step beside you again as you made your way toward the small restaurant you had in mind. The quiet between you was easy, but there was an unspoken understanding that something had changed between the two of you today. Neither of you said it out loud, but you didn’t need to.

As you entered the restaurant, the warm scent of food filled the air, and you found a table near the back, away from the main crowd. Logan took the seat across from you, his eyes scanning the room out of habit, but eventually settling back on you.

"This place isn’t so bad," he said, giving a small nod of approval.

You laughed softly. "Glad it meets your standards."

Logan smirked, but there was a softness behind it. As the two of you talked over dinner, you realized just how much you enjoyed moments like this—quiet, simple, yet meaningful. It wasn’t about grand gestures or fancy places; it was about being together, about the way Logan made you feel safe and seen.

---

One day, after inviting Logan into your apartment once again, you set out to make tea like you always do.

You felt a cough building up in your throat, so you grabbed a small handkerchief from the counter and coughed into it. You had seen the school doctor while you were at work, and he said you just had a mild cold.

Logan, who was sitting on the couch, immediately turned his head to you, his heart almost beating out of his chest. He’d heard that cough before—26 years ago.

"Y/N?" he asked, his voice low, almost hesitant.

You turned around, still holding the handkerchief to your mouth. "Yeah?" you answered casually, noticing the tension in his voice but thinking nothing of it. “Just a little cough, nothing serious. I saw the doctor earlier, and he said it’s just a cold.”

Logan stood up slowly, his eyes fixed on you, his expression unreadable. He took a step closer, his mind racing back to 1854, to your last days—bedridden and coughing, just like this. He had lost you then, watching helplessly as the illness took you. He couldn't shake the feeling, the memory, and the fear that history might repeat itself.

"Cold, huh?" he said, trying to keep his voice steady, but there was an edge to it.

"Yeah, no big deal." You smiled, folding the handkerchief and putting it back in your pocket. "Really, Logan, I’m fine."

Logan’s jaw tightened. He had seen too much, lived too long to believe in coincidence. This was too familiar, too painful. And yet, here you were—alive, vibrant. This time, he couldn’t lose you again. He wouldn't.

"You should take it easy," he said, stepping closer, his tone gentler now. "You been workin' too hard at that school."

You raised an eyebrow, sensing his concern but not quite understanding the depth of it. "I’m fine, really. It’s just a little cold. Nothing that rest and tea won’t fix."

Logan didn’t argue, but the worry in his eyes didn’t fade. He reached out, his hand hovering for a moment before he gently brushed his fingers against your arm, grounding himself in the fact that you were here, with him. This wasn’t 1854. But the memory haunted him.

You noticed the way he was looking at you, his eyes searching yours like he was afraid to lose you. "Hey," you said softly, resting a hand on his. "What’s really going on?"

Logan’s breath hitched for a moment, and he fought the urge to pull you closer, to tell you everything. But how could he? How could he explain that you’d been here before—that he’d watched you die, that he’d loved you once in another life, in another time? Instead, he just shook his head, the weight of those memories too heavy to share.

"Just... don’t push yourself too hard," he said, his voice quieter now. "I’ve seen people get worse when they don’t take care of themselves."

You nodded, though his intensity still lingered in your mind. "I promise, I’ll rest." You gave him a reassuring smile, trying to lighten the mood. "Besides, you’ll make sure I do, right?"

Logan’s lips quirked into the smallest smile, but there was still something distant in his eyes. "Yeah," he said softly. "I will."

The moment hung in the air, the unspoken weight of Logan’s past pressing down on him, though you couldn’t see it. You were the same, and yet not. The woman he had once loved and lost was standing right in front of him, alive, but without any memory of that life you’d shared.

---

You didn’t see Logan for a few days, which was unusual, ever since he started walking with you he had never missed a day.

You couldn’t help but worry a tad bit, it wasn’t like him to just not be there. Even Ida had made a few comments, including now as you sat in her apartment, just a few doors down from your own, sipping tea.

“He hasn’t been by at all?” Ida asked, her brow furrowed with concern. “That man never misses a day. He’s usually lurking outside, waitin’ to walk you home.”

You nodded, biting your lip. “Yeah, I noticed. It’s been three days now.”

Ida leaned forward, her hands folded on the table. “You don’t think somethin’s happened to him, do ya? That man is tough, sure, but even the toughest get into trouble sometimes.”

You shook your head quickly, not wanting to entertain the thought. “No, I’m sure he’s fine. Maybe he just needed some time alone. He’s... not the type to explain himself much.”

Ida hummed, though she didn’t look convinced. “Maybe. But if he doesn’t show up soon, you ought to go find him. He’s a good man, Y/N, and you’ve only known him a month, but it’s clear he cares about you.”

The truth of her words settled over you, heavy and unspoken. You cared about Logan too. Even if you didn’t quite understand the pull between you, it was there—undeniable. And the fact that he hadn’t shown up, without so much as a word, made your chest tighten with worry.

Later that evening, after you’d left Ida’s apartment and returned to your own, you couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling. Logan had become part of your routine, part of your day-to-day life. And now that he was gone, it felt like something was missing.

Just as you were about to turn in for the night, a knock sounded at the door.

Your heart jumped, and you rushed to open it, half expecting—half hoping—it would be Logan.

And there he was.

He stood in the doorway, his coat damp from the light rain outside, his hair slightly tousled. His eyes, though, were what caught you—the familiar intensity, but with something else lurking beneath. Something darker.

“Logan,” you breathed, stepping aside to let him in. “Where have you been? I was starting to get worried.”

Logan stepped into your small apartment, his broad frame somehow filling the space, making it feel even smaller. He didn’t say anything right away, just ran a hand through his hair and exhaled sharply, as if he were trying to gather his thoughts.

“I needed time,” he finally said, his voice low and gravelly.

“Time for what?” you asked gently, sensing that whatever he was about to say wasn’t easy for him.

Logan glanced at you, then looked away, as if he couldn’t meet your eyes. His jaw tightened, and you could see the struggle on his face—like he was wrestling with something deep inside. After a long pause, he spoke again, quieter this time.

“I’m scared,” he admitted, the words sounding foreign in his mouth, like he wasn’t used to saying them.

You blinked, taken aback. Logan was the last person you ever expected to hear those words from. “Scared of what?”

His eyes flickered up to meet yours, and you saw the vulnerability there, raw and unguarded. “Of losing you,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

You stared at him, your heart pounding in your chest. “Logan… we’ve only known each other for a month,” you said softly, though the words felt strange even as they left your mouth. Because deep down, it felt like you’d known him much longer—like this connection between you was more than just a month in the making.

“I know,” Logan said, his voice rough. “But it doesn’t change how I feel.”

There was something in the way he was looking at you, something desperate and pained, like he was holding onto you with everything he had. You wanted to ask him why, to understand what had happened in his past to make him feel this way. But instead, you just reached out, your hand finding his.

“I’m not going anywhere,” you said quietly, squeezing his hand gently. “I’m right here.”

Logan’s breath hitched, and before you could say anything more, he stepped closer, his hand cupping the side of your face. His thumb brushed your cheek, his touch rough but gentle, and for a moment, the world around you seemed to fall away. It was just the two of you, standing in the quiet of your apartment, the air between you thick with unspoken words.

And then, without warning, he leaned in and kissed you.

It wasn’t a gentle kiss. It was urgent, almost desperate, like he was trying to tell you everything he couldn’t put into words. His lips moved against yours with a fierceness that took your breath away, and for a moment, all you could do was hold onto him, your fingers curling into the fabric of his coat as you kissed him back.

When he finally pulled away, his forehead rested against yours, his breath warm against your skin. His hand still cupped your cheek, his thumb gently brushing along your jawline.

“I can’t lose you,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion.

Your heart ached at the raw honesty in his words, and you wanted to promise him that he wouldn’t—that you were here, that you weren’t going anywhere. But something about the way he said it made you hesitate, made you wonder what he wasn’t telling you.

“Logan…” you started, your voice soft. “What aren’t you telling me?”

For a long moment, he didn’t answer. His hand dropped from your face, and he took a step back, his expression guarded once again. The walls he’d let down just moments ago seemed to be rising back up.

“I’ve lived a long time,” he said finally, his voice low. “I’ve lost people before. People I cared about. I can’t… I can’t go through that again.”

You felt a pang in your chest at his words, but there was something else there too—something unspoken. “Logan… who did you lose?”

His eyes flickered with pain, but he didn’t answer. Instead, he just shook his head, as if he couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud.

You wanted to press him, to understand, but you also knew that Logan wasn’t someone who opened up easily. So instead, you just stepped closer, wrapping your arms around him in a gentle hug. He stiffened at first, but then his arms slowly came around you, pulling you close as if he was afraid to let go.

“I’m here,” you whispered against his chest. “I’m not going anywhere.”

For now, that was all you could offer him. And for now, it seemed to be enough.

---

You and Ida sat in the back of the rattling carriage, bundled against the cold, the wheels creaking beneath the weight of your bags from the market. The late afternoon sky was heavy with clouds, promising rain before nightfall and a storm by morning.

“Supposed to come down hard tomorrow,” Ida said, clutching her shawl tighter. “Glad we got everything done now. Don’t wanna be caught in that mess.”

You smiled, shifting a bag of potatoes off your lap. “It’ll be nice to have an excuse to stay in and rest. Logan’s been after me about taking it easy anyway.”

Ida gave you a knowing look, her brow lifting. “That man likes you, Y/N. More than you think.”

You shrugged, though your cheeks warmed slightly. “I know he cares. He’s just… different. Keeps to himself.”

“He’s different, alright,” Ida muttered, peering out the carriage window. “But he’s not the type to care about someone without good reason. Don’t let that one get away.”

You didn’t respond, but your thoughts drifted to Logan—how he had kissed you that night, holding you like you were the only thing keeping him grounded. There was something ancient in his touch, like he had carried the weight of loss for far too long. You didn’t fully understand it, but you felt it—something deeper than words or time.

The carriage jolted suddenly, jerking you forward in your seat. The horse up front whinnied, wild and panicked.

“Whoa!” the driver shouted, yanking hard on the reins.

You clutched Ida’s arm, your heart racing. “What’s going on?”

The driver cursed, standing in his seat to get a better look. “The damn harness snapped! The horse—”

Before he could finish, the horse bolted, the broken leather straps slapping wildly behind it. The carriage lurched, and you and Ida were thrown sideways. The wheels screamed as they spun out of control, the driver shouting as he fought to keep it steady.

“Hold on!” he yelled.

The world tilted violently as the carriage careened off the road, slamming into a ditch. Bags spilled across the floor, and you hit your shoulder hard against the side wall. Ida’s scream filled your ears, but the noise was drowned out by the thunder of the collapsing carriage, wood splintering and wheels buckling beneath the weight.

And then—nothing.

The carriage stopped, shuddering to a halt in a twisted heap at the bottom of the ditch. The rain started, light at first, pattering against the wreckage.

---

Logan was walking back toward your tenement building, the collar of his coat turned up against the cold drizzle, when he saw it—just beyond the next block, down by the road.

The sight hit him like a punch to the chest.

A carriage, overturned, one of the wheels still spinning lazily. The horse was gone, its reins dangling uselessly from the harness. People were gathering, but no one dared approach the wreckage yet.

Logan’s heart stopped. He knew—he just knew.

His feet moved before he could think. He sprinted toward the wreck, rain falling harder now, soaking through his clothes. His boots hit the muddy road with heavy thuds, splashing water as he ran faster than any ordinary man should.

By the time he reached the scene, a bystander had climbed down, trying to pry the splintered door open. Logan shoved him aside without a word, claws itching under his skin, ready to tear the door off if need be.

“Someone’s inside!” the man stammered. “Two women—”

Logan didn’t wait. His hands found the edge of the door, and with a growl of effort, he yanked it off the hinges. Inside the crumpled interior, he saw you, half-buried beneath scattered bags.

“Y/N!” His voice cracked, raw and frantic. He dropped to his knees and pulled you free, cradling you in his arms.

You stirred, barely conscious, your head lolling against his chest. Blood streaked your temple, and your breath came in shallow gasps.

“Logan…?” you whispered, confused, your hand weakly grasping his coat.

“I got you,” Logan said, his voice breaking. “I’m here. You’re gonna be fine.” But even as he said it, dread gnawed at him—this wasn’t fine. It was happening again.

Ida groaned nearby, struggling to sit up, but Logan’s focus was locked on you. He pressed a hand against your side, where your ribs felt wrong under his touch. He could feel the heat of your blood seeping into his fingers.

“No, no, no…” Logan whispered, shaking his head. The storm raged around him, but all he could hear was the shallow rasp of your breathing.

You looked up at him, your gaze unfocused, but your lips curled into the faintest smile. “I told you… I’d rest…”

“Don’t,” Logan begged, his forehead pressing against yours. “Don’t do this. Stay with me. You hear me? Stay.”

You blinked slowly, your hand slipping from his coat. “I… tried…”

Logan clenched his jaw, biting down hard against the scream building in his chest. His healing mutation would keep him alive through anything—but it couldn’t save you. Not now. Not again.

He kissed your forehead, his breath shuddering. “I can’t lose you again, darlin’. Not like this…”

Your breath hitched once, then stopped.

“No,” Logan whispered, rocking you in his arms. “No, no, no…”

His hands trembled as he pulled you closer, your lifeless body limp against him. The rain poured down harder, drumming on the wreckage, but Logan didn’t care. He sat there, holding you, feeling the familiar, soul-crushing emptiness settle in his chest like an old wound tearing open again.

And still, he held you. Because this time, just like 26 years ago, he couldn’t let go.

in this chapter logan is 48 years old and reader is around 22-24 years old. just a reminder that going forward there is going to be an age gap between the two since logan obviously keeps getting older.

[peachhcs]

because will surprised sam i think sam should tell will that her parents said she couldn’t go to Sweden but she actually is going with like ruts girlfriend and surprises him

a surprise in sweden

hughes!sister x will smith au (samy + will)

samy surprises will in sweden for the world juniors!

1.4k words

warnings: like the smallest tiniest illusion to sex, two kisses, mostly fluff though

this was so cutie to write. woo i'm posting again to make up for my lack of posts. i know kayleigh didn't actually go to world juniors, but let's pretend she did for this haha. pls keep requesting i enjoy writing these :)

au masterlist

“did you hear? did you hear?” will's excitement made samy smile from her end of the phone. the girl giggled while nodding her head even though her boyfriend couldn’t see. 

“i did hear. i’m so excited for you. sweden sounds awesome,” the u.s. team picks for world juniors came out only minutes ago and in two seconds, the blonde eagerly called his girlfriend to tell her the happy news. 

“god, i can’t believe i get to play for my country for what might be the last time. leno, perreault, fort, minnetian, and cut are all coming along to,” will was most definitely rambling, but samy didn’t care. she loved hearing him so excited about something to the point where he couldn’t stop talking about it. 

“you guys are gonna dominate. rut, sean, gav, and nazar got picked too. i'm excited for you guys to play on the same team together,” the brunette chuckled a little. It was almost ironic how her two worlds of hockey were colliding on the same team in a few weeks. 

“oh god, mcgroarty’s gonna pick me apart isn’t he?” will groaned, but samy giggled again.

“he won’t, trust me. i’ll make sure they lay off you and won’t ask embarrassing questions.” 

the umich guys knew all about will and were definitely eager to meet the guy that stole their little sister’s heart. they only had ethan and mark’s words to go off and you could guess the things they said only playfully poked fun at the blonde, so will was determined to prove himself so the other guys could properly get to know him. 

“i’m sorry i won’t be in the states for break. i know how excited we were to finally see each other for more than two days,” will changed the subject, his tone laced with a hint of disappointment. 

samy smiled, “it’s okay. this is a big deal for you and i’m so proud of you. i’ll just watch you from the comfort of my living room.” 

her words had a grin spreading across the boy’s lips along with a small chuckle. “you’re sure you can’t convince your parents to let you come with me?” it was worth a shot to ask even though will knew how much samy loved spending the holidays with her family. he didn’t even wanna ask if she could come along knowing how much the holidays meant to her. 

“i doubt it. i know they trust me, but an entire like three weeks in a different country with my boyfriend..i don’t know if they’d be so keen on that idea,” the girl laughed, a slight blush coating her cheeks. 

a similar pink color spread across will’s face as well, “okay, just thought i’d ask. i’ll miss you. i’ll send your gift in the mail so you’ll hopefully have it.” 

“i’ll see if i can get yours to boston before you leave. i’m still waiting on something in the mail.” 

“i hope you didn’t go overboard. we said not to,” will said despite the smile on his lips. 

“even if i did, it’s the first christmas that we’re together and not getting each other gag gifts,” samy stated. 

“when have i ever gotten you a gag gift? i think my gifts have been very thoughtful no matter what our relationship is,” the boy quickly defended himself. 

“well whatever. i think you’ll really like my gift,” samy chuckled. 

“i think you’ll like mine too,” will eyed the unwrapped gifts sitting on his desk and he couldn’t help but smile thinking about samy opening them in a few weeks. 

the two stayed on the phone for the rest of the night just mindlessly talking and getting to hear one another’s voices. there was one thing will didn’t know though and that was samy texting with kayleigh as they bought plane tickets for sweden—their trip already thoroughly planned out because the two predicted very early on that their boyfriends would make the US team, they just needed the confirmation before they bought their tickets. they couldn’t be more excited to fly out and surprise everyone with the hope that ryan and gabe knew how to keep their mouths shut. 

—

will sat in his hotel room making an attempt to get some of his school work done, but the tv playing as background noise was taking more of his attention than he thought it would. his eyes were glued to the show, computer open because if it was open, then at least it seemed like he was being productive. 

samy followed gabe and ryan to the 5th floor, unbeknownst to will. her and kayleigh landed about an hour ago and the girl was trying to shush the boys before the surprise was ruined. Her and ryan shoved themselves against the wall while gabe knocked on his friend’s room—their surprise plan setting into action. 

will lifted his head when he heard the knock. he walked towards the door, eyes still flicking back to the tv as he pulled the wooden frame open. “what?” the boy asked gabe on the other side. 

“can you come to my room real quick? I think i broke something,” the dark-haired boy muttered. 

will raised his eyebrow, “what do you mean you think you broke something?”

“like, i was trying to open up the cabinet under the tv and the handle like snapped off in my hand.” 

ryan and samy struggled keeping their laughter from slipping out as they stood a few feet away from will’s door. the blonde crinkled his nose, “dude, i’m not getting involved if you broke something. you’re gonna have to pay for that shit.” 

“can you just please come look? i don’t know if it’s actually broken,” gabe tried. 

“how do you not know if something is broken? it’s either broken or not broken,” will argued a bit, not knowing gabe was only trying to get him into the hallway where he’d see samy. 

“please just come look? for like two seconds.” 

a sigh escaped the blonde’s lips along with a shake of his head thinking how stupid his friend was. he shuffled into the hallway ready to head down to gabe’s room when samy suddenly popped out from behind ryan, “surprise!!” 

will jumped back, a small screech falling from his mouth. it took him all of ten seconds to take in his girlfriend standing two feet away from him, ryan with his camera out, and gabe snickering to himself to realize what was happening. when it did finally click samy was swept into the boy’s arms. 

“what are you doing here? i-i thought you weren’t coming?” will could hardly form any coherent thoughts. it felt like he was dreaming or something. 

“i was coming all along. i said i wasn’t because i wanted to surprise you,” samy explained, giggling into the blonde’s shoulder. 

“what about your parents? Your brothers..” 

“they were cool with it. kayleigh and i have been planning this for like weeks,” the brunette pulled back so she could properly see his face. she brushed his little curls away, a blush spreading across his cheeks at her gentleness. 

his eyes slid towards gabe and ryan who nodded. “we knew all along,” gabe snickered. 

"i’m surprised you two could keep a secret as big as this,” will teased them knowing how bad they both were at keeping things from other people. 

“oh shut up. we got your girl here so now you can stop moping around,” ryan rolled his eyes which earned the middle finger from will. 

another giggle escaped samy’s lips as she squeezed her boyfriend’s waist, putting his attention back on her. “It’s good to see you,” she hummed. 

“you too. I’m glad we get to spend a few weeks together,” not caring that ryan and gabe were still watching, the hockey player connected their lips into a sweet kiss. 

“yooo, save that for the room. Iim out of here. don’t be too loud,” gabe mumbled before retreating back into his own room. 

samy and will shared a laugh. ryan quickly escaped as well, promising he’d send the surprise video. that left the couple standing in the hallway together, loving smiles on each of their lips. 

“you’re sure you’re okay with not spending the holidays with your family?” will wondered because he didn’t want to be pulling her away. 

the girl cupped his face, “i’m sure. mom and dad were cool with it and my brothers are hardly home anymore anyways. plus, how could i miss something like this?” 

her words convinced the boy for now. he planted one last kiss on her lips before pulling her inside his hotel room—a very long night ahead of them.

[jmdbjk]

He didn't have to apologize again. He doesn't have anything to apologize for.

We've seen other idols having to do this seemingly unnecessary and overcompensating "sincere" apology before for other behavior deemed "normal" like having a boyfriend. Those are REALLY unnecessary apologies in my opinion.

Anecdote: I don't claim to understand completely but I do know, coming from my Asian heritage standpoint, the "honor" thing is a REAL embedded thing. Throughout my life, my Asian mother would make remarks about her friends' adult children or their spouses being "not good" and I never really understood the implications until well into my own adulthood. The judgmentalism is very embedded in Asian culture, at least it is in Japanese and Korean culture. I always brushed it off as Mom being too judgmental over nothing. She grew up in Japan. I grew up in America. We are different that way.

I can't get around it. You can't get around it. It is what it is. Is it slowly evolving out of Asian culture? Perhaps. I don't know. As I said, I'm American with my own embedded American attitudes.

What we can't deny is what Yoongi did was illegal. Perhaps considered a misdemeanor in other countries and inconsequential but obviously not so in South Korea. Yoongi had no choice but to post that handwritten letter of atonement because that is what is expected of someone in his position.

There are a lot of other people Yoongi is associated with: all the people at his company, the members, their families, the Korean companies that sponsor BTS projects or collaborate with them, his colleagues he works with and their associates, friends that we don't even know about, his family, his parents, all of these people he has to account for. So he made this public apology AGAIN, in a "proper" way, with a proper "sincere" handwritten letter, to preserve those relationships for the public's sake, to show respect to them. In private, we can only hope that he is making his way through this with the full support and love from all these same people.

There are a series of things that need to happen for Yoongi to move forward. Unfortunately, this letter was one of them. We might see a final police report soon. Hopefully it confirms everything we already knew. Or it might say things differently which we may want to disagree with but it will be FINAL. And it will be another step in this closure process.

He won't have to apologize like this again. He might apologize to us, his fans, again, but not in this way. He will process this the way he needs to in order to move forward.

I know we do not agree with the statement "it is their culture" and that is valid. Agree to disagree. But at this point in time, this is what he had to do to move forward. I respect his decisions on the actions he takes. He is the one living this hell in person. No one has the right to tell him what he needs to do or not do.

Hopefully at another point in time in the future, other public figures and celebrities will not need to go through these steps to regain any "lost honor". As Namjoon said, in their country, as advanced as it is, accelerated industrial growth comes with its own shadows. Societal and cultural growth is much slower to change.

I am going to respect how the members of BTS behave now regarding the general media in their country. If Hobi's discharge plays out just like Jin's, then that is their decision and I will abide by it. If Hobi chooses to stand and salute outside the gates of the base and wave to the cameras, I will respect his decision to do so. He will not be forced to do it. He served his country proudly and well and he earned the right to be able to publicly enjoy the personal satisfaction of doing so. If he decides to forgo that, I respect that too.

I am not expecting any member to say anything publicly individually. Maybe they will, maybe they won't. Perhaps Jin and Hobi will say something together. Maybe not. I will never insist that they do in order to prove their support to ME.

If Hobi and Jin never say anything about Yoongi's incident, I will be fine with it. It is not my place to dictate how he, Jin or any of the other members should behave in this matter. This is between them. We did our part. I respect whatever decisions they make in handling the general media going forward. They are the ones living there, not us.

Some I-Armys want to riot in the streets in front of the Hybe building to vent their anger or to show their love and support and when they don't see it forthcoming from K-army, there is more frustration. Some vehemently disagree with letting this unfold without burning everything to the ground.

All eyes are on us. It is more important to be measured and cautious at this point than reactive and emotional. You can agree to disagree. We all have that choice. But right now, its more important to think about how everything we do affects Yoongi as he works to preserve his own emotional stability, his own personal and working relationships and less important are what OUR desires are. Our only desire should be that he is healing, he is moving forward with the love and support from those he is closest to.

He has seen our love pouring forth on Weverse and charting the music. He KNOWS we are here. Keep it going there, those are our two most visible means of communicating directly with him.

I trust Yoongi and his team. Now more than ever, trust him to be doing the right things for himself.

We are getting through this hell, one painfully slow step at a time. All we can do is keep walking with him until we see the other side together.

Apobangpo.

[bestiesenpai]

sukuna bridgerton au pt 4

To the person that asked for jealous Sukuna, I’m here to deliver(hopefully you like it, it's not super overt jealousy)! I had to take liberties on regency era fashion cause i’ll be damned if i put sukuna in a fucking nightgown lmao

Once again, bold text indicates a different language being spoken

part one --- part two --- part three

It was criminal that Sukuna made you get up before sunrise to begin your journey to the countryside but he was insistent on getting there at a ‘reasonable hour’. Getting dressed in a sleepy haze, you nibbled on breakfast as Sukuna got everything ready and collected any documents he wanted to work on.

You were much too tired to even think to complain about being in the same carriage as him, something that underneath the fog gave you a slight nervous edge. Despite the conversation the day before you weren’t sure if you were ready for this level of intimacy with him. But there wasn’t much choice to be had and away you went, not caring to stifle a yawn as you rode away from the chateau.

“Now Princess, I’ve had the valet draw us up an itinerary.” Sukuna started, fluffing out some papers and handing you one. “We are to visit a vineyard, perhaps make a public appearance at the local clinic.”

“Yes.” Nodding along, you let your head rest on the back of the carriage. The road wasn’t terribly bumpy, allowing you to relax as Sukuna kept speaking. He hadn’t even looked up to see if you were listening, just droning on about something you couldn’t find it in you to care about.

It felt like just a moment had passed between you closing your eyes and feeling the carriage jostle to the side with a great force, the footmen calling out to steady the horses as the road was in a bad condition. Blinking rapidly as your senses came back to you, there was the sudden realization that Sukuna was sat next to you. Feeling a pressure on your cheek, you noticed your head had tilted to lay on his shoulder and although your neck was growing sore you found it wasn’t terribly uncomfortable to be this close to him.

“Oh, you’re awake.” He commented upon your rousing, noticing the way your eyes moved rapidly. He helped you sit up and seemed unfazed by the fact that your head had been resting so gently on his shoulder, unfazed except for the blush painting his cheeks. “We’re almost there.”

“My apologies, Your Highness.” Clearing your throat, you inched away from him. It must have been a burden for him to move for you and that thought had you looking down at your hands adorned with a pair of lacy gloves.

“No need.” Sukuna also cleared his throat, grabbing the papers that were left on his other side. The rest of the ride was quiet with the two of you sitting so close yet not looking at one another. Looking out the window, you noticed you were indeed in the countryside, passing by expansive rolling hills covered in wildflowers and tall grass, some cultivated into farming and others holding livestock.

Getting to the center of town, you were happy to see it was full of life and not as small as you assumed it would be. Sure, it wasn’t as lively and built up as the city you grew up in but it was a far cry from the sticks and mud you thought you’d encounter.

Being helped out of the carriage by Sukuna, you were greeted by the town's mayor who insisted on gifting you a bottle of wine as a present for your marriage. He spoke fast, almost too fast for the royal interpreter to translate for Sukuna; and his barely there grasp of the local language was frustrating him, it was written on his face.

You toured the town for much longer than you thought you would, seeing every historical landmark and every church ever built. There were several instances during the tour that you or Sukuna had to nudge the other to stay awake as the mayor droned on and on. By the time the tour was over it was evening and you had to retire to the inn that was reserved for you.

“The best inn in the whole country, Your Highness!” The mayor boasted, leading the two of you inside and directly to your bedroom.

“T-there’s only one bed!” You exclaimed, causing the mayor to laugh and wave you off.

“Still a blushing bride, I see!” Bowing to the both of you, he excused himself and left the two of you alone to enter.

“What’d he say to you?” Sukuna mumbled, rustling in a chest of drawers for something.

“I mentioned that there appears to only be one bed and…and he said I was still a blushing bride.” Repeating the statement to Sukuna made your cheeks burn and having him laugh made it even worse. “I just assumed-”

“That we would have separate rooms?” Cutting you off, Sukuna turned to face you and you could finally see what he had been digging around for: a silver flask. “We may do that in the privacy of our own home but in public it is best not to arouse suspicion about the state of our marriage. You understand, correct?” He quirked a brow as he titled his back and took a drink.

“Yes, of course I understand. I just…” Trailing off, you looked around the room again. It was very spacious, with a chess table off to one side and a simple loveseat in front of a fireplace. There were partitions in the room that you could move to your liking as you dressed which gave you peace of mind.

“While you think about it, I am going to have a servant get us dinner. Is there anything you would like to have?” Sukuna began to walk to the door with his flask still in hand.

“I have no preference.” And with that answer, he was gone. Wringing your hands together, you paced around the room unable to find respite in being alone. What lay ahead of you had your nerves in a thousand different places and there was a doubt in your mind about getting any sleep tonight.

You and Sukuna ate your meal quietly at the small dining table in the room. You couldn’t make eye contact with him for very long and he did not mind your nerves at all. The sound of people moving around downstairs and playing the piano in the parlor made ambient noise as you finished your meals and then moved on to other things: Sukuna, his paperwork and you some needlework.

“Do you wish to bathe tonight, Princess? I am going to have a bath drawn.” Sukuna announced suddenly, breaking you from your trance. Blinking owlishly, you couldn’t find the words so you shook your head. “Alright. I will have a guard stand at the door while I am away.”

With Sukuna gone again, you finally took notice of the time and realized you should also get ready for bed. Calling a ladies maid in, you undressed and got into night clothes, trying to quell the shaking of your hands when she left and you were alone again. Staring at yourself in the full length mirror, you drew your robe tighter hoping to hide the dressing gown underneath. Without the stuffy and constricting layers of your everyday clothes, you were much more comfortable physically, but mentally was another story.

There were a rapid few knocks on the door before it opened and closed swiftly and Sukuna entered, not caring in the slightest about walking around the inn in an unbuttoned white shirt and loose linen pants that hit just below his knees.

“Please cover up!” You gasped, utterly scandalized about the flash of skin you saw before slapping a hand over your eyes. Sukuna barked out a laugh, one that lasted much longer than you’d like.

“You ladies are so prim, aren’t you?” He shook his head, doing as he was told with a large smirk on his face. “Does this suit you, Your Grace?” He teased, doing a small spin when you lifted the hand from your face. He had indeed buttoned up, still more exposed than you’d like but it was better than before.

“Yes it does.” Clearing your throat, you became painfully aware of the fact you were in a nightgown and Sukuna was openly staring at you. Crossing your arms over your chest, you motioned to the bed. “Do you not wish to rest now?”

“Do you?” He countered immediately, taking a few steps toward you and making you fumble backwards.

“I-I do.” Truth be told you were tired, all you wanted to do was lay down and close your eyes. But you had to account for Sukuna and whatever he would try and do.

“Then by all means, lay down, Princess.”

“I-I-” The two of you were caught in a stalemate, neither wanting to move until the other did. Unbeknownst to you, Sukuna was indeed nervous about laying in the same bed as you. He wondered how it would feel, to finally lay with his wife and to possibly smell whatever lotions she had put on while getting ready for bed.

“We can’t stay like this forever.” Sukuna broke the silence, speaking quietly as he licked his lips. The bed was already unmade for the two of you, so all you had to do was climb in as he snuffed out any candles still lit but your feet were glued to your spot as the last candle went out and you were engulfed in darkness with not even the light of the moon to bring you comfort.

“Princess.” Sukuna groaned and you could just barely make out his figure in the dark but you knew he was rolling his eyes at your hesitance. “Lie down. Please.” Tacking on the formality at the end, he waited impatiently for you to move.

“I’m just nervous.” You mumbled, shifting away ever so slightly when you saw him move again.

“Shall I light the candles again? We can stay awake longer if that is what you require.” Worrying your lip and sighing over his words, you rolled your eyes at yourself. This would have to happen eventually, one way or another, you might as well get used to it now.

��Give me a moment.” Walking to the side of the bed, you took your robe off and dived under the covers as fast as you could. Sukuna most likely couldn’t see your actual nightgown but he could see that you had finally laid down.

Sighing to himself, he laid down as well and the two of you didn’t move a muscle. Neither wanting to get too close to the other, not even wanting to breathe too loud for the other to hear. You were both laying on your back staring at the ceiling above, the blanket drawn up to your chin to protect your modesty.

“Goodnight, Princess.” Sukuna dared to whisper, dared even further to shift in the bed and turn his back to you.

“Goodnight.” You whispered back, following suit and turning the other way. You were able to sink into a comfortable position from this and sleep took you sooner than you realized, too soon for you to start worrying something might happen.

Sukuna was the first to rouse from sleep in the morning, the sunlight beginning to bleed through the curtains. Keeping his eyes closed and stretching his body, Sukuna noticed an unfamiliar weight on his bicep. Cracking an eye open, he gasped at seeing your head resting on his arm with your peaceful, sleeping face making his cheeks warm.

“Princess?” He whispered, unsure if he wanted you to wake up or not. When you didn’t stir he didn’t speak again, opting to just watch you sleep and find comfort laying on him. Sukuna had to remind himself to breathe several times as he caught himself holding in for fear of moving too much and disturbing you. Time stood still as he just stared, ignoring the itch in the back of his mind that he needed to start his day and not waste time.

When you finally woke, all slow blinks and delicate breaths, Sukuna had fallen back asleep and now it was your turn to admire him. The slight furrow in his brows was gone, allowing you to see him truly relaxed. This was the first time you were looking at him so up close and you saw that his eyelashes, although still pink, looked almost translucent as the sun filled the room with light. The bruise on his neck from the other night seemed to have settled into its peak coloring, a dark purple mark staining Sukuna’s skin and was sure to hurt if pressed.

Your bodies were still relatively separate, your head resting on his arm the only place you two were touching. If you flexed your arms, stretched out your body just a bit, you would touch Sukuna’s torso and the temptation to do so was strong. His shirt had come undone in the night either by his own doing or as he slept and you couldn’t tear your eyes away from him. There were a few scars that littered his body, almost all of them old and healed with a few still a soft red. Sukuna had a much more chiseled physique than that of the men in the ton, much more muscle that he obviously obtained through some hard work.

A chuckle broke you out of your trance and you looked up at Sukuna, shocked that he was now awake and looking at you with a light smile on his face.

“That tickles, Princess.” He raised his brows, exhaling a breathy laugh as you both looked down to see your hand had indeed started lightly touching his abdomen.

“Oh my!” Ripping yourself away, you scrambled out of bed and immediately put your robe on, embarrassment rippling through your body. Sukuna made no move to stop you as you began to look through your drawers, trying to decide what you would wear today.

“I quite enjoyed that, you know.” Sukuna spoke up and you could hear him rustling in the bed. “Being so close to my beautiful wife for the first time was lovely.”

“Silence.” You hissed but the words held no bite, evident as you didn’t even turn to face Sukuna when he spoke.

“Admit it Princess, you enjoyed it as well.” His hands came from behind you, caging you in against the armoire you were standing in front of. You could feel the heat of his breath on the back of your head and just barely feel his body around you. The both of you stood there quietly, your heart beating painfully in your chest.

“I-I-” Licking your lips nervously, you gripped the clothing in your hand. “I have no comment on the matter.” It was a mistake to turn around. It was a mistake to turn around and see just how close Sukuna was to you. It was also a mistake to lick your lips again, something Sukuna immediately focused on.

“Just like a lady, so diplomatic.” His voice dropped to a whisper, making a shiver go down your spine. His eyes danced around your entire form, from your eyes to your lips down to the rise and fall of your chest. Shuffling forward just slightly, Sukuna brought a hand down to cover one of yours, running his thumb along your skin.

You held your breath as Sukuna leaned forward, his eyes half closing the closer he got to you. Your own eyes fell shut, unable to fight the urge to follow his lead. His breath fanned across your face and his hand tightened its grip, his nose scraping against your cheek before he planted a kiss right on it.

His lips lingered there for a few beats, just pressed against your face. His breathing was so quiet you feared he would pass out soon but he moved again, sliding back so his nose was behind your ear. He took a breath then, smelling the traces of lotion you’d put on before bed. Once he’d gotten his fill, Sukuna sighed and backed up, sighing again when you opened your eyes and looked at him.

“I shall get us breakfast.” Sukuna whispered, not making a move to leave.

“I would like some fruit.” You replied, speaking slowly with a heavy tongue. Sukuna let go of your hand, gradually brushing his fingers up along your arm. Getting to your elbow, Sukuna wrapped his hand around you, squeezing for a moment before dropping it completely.

“Fruit. Right.” Taking a step back, he didn’t break eye contact with you until he opened the door and left, not bothering to change into anything else.

As soon as the door closed it was as if all the air rushed back into the room. Nearly falling to your knees, you gasped and brought your fingers up to your cheek to try and possibly feel the lingering touch his lips left. Calling for your lady’s maid, your body trembled as you prepared for the day. Eating downstairs in the inn's common area, you and Sukuna shared fleeting glances and his knee bumped yours under the table several times.

“We’re going to a vineyard today.” Sukuna announced upon your exit from the inn, stretching his arms above his head before motioning you to get into the carriage.

“Do you expect me to drink wine so early in the day?” It was barely a quarter till ten and you were in no shape to begin drinking.

“We will merely sample, Princess. No need to worry.” He assured you as the carriage began its journey. “The townsfolk prepared a special bottle in our honor, we are to open it on our ten year anniversary.”

“Ten years?” Your brows rose in surprise; the idea of being with Sukuna for that long had never crossed your mind until now, but it would be your reality. The two of you would be together until one of you died, there was no getting around that.

“Try and look happy at the notion.” Sukuna teased, lightly pushing your knee with his own. You responded in kind and nudged him back, both of you sharing a sly smile.

The vineyard was out of the way, up a few large hills and over a river. You passed by a few farms with people diligently working the soil, some standing up to wave at you properly while others kept their heads down, determined to bring in the harvest they had cared for so tenderly.

“What an honor it is!” The vintner was waiting for you as you arrived, dressed in a fresh suit and with a few others waiting behind him.

“The pleasure is ours, thank you.” You replied, curtseying upon your exit from the carriage.

“Thank you.” Sukuna said, his eyes flicking to you as he said it. You’d only heard him speak the language the night he had caught you and Lord Fushiguro together, every other time he used the royal translator.

“Right this way, Your Highness’. I have prepared a special tour for you.” Being led further into the winery, you marveled at the amount of barrels lining the wall, enclosing the space and making you feel tiny in comparison. As the vintner began to explain the history of the region, you heard him mention a familiar name.

“E-excuse me, you said Lord Fushiguro?” You cut off his speech.

“Yes, Your Highness! He is the owner of this vineyard and several others in the area. Do you by chance know him?” He motioned to the barrels which you just now noticed had the Fushiguro name stamped onto them.

“We know of him.” Sukuna said, rolling his eyes at the mention.

“Yes the young Lord is a wonderful man, very passionate about wine and his business! Sadly, he was in a terrible fight a couple days ago otherwise he would have been here to give the tour himself!”

“A fight?” You gasped, feigning innocence.

“Just awful, Your Highness! He said a few thugs cornered him at the town festival as he was leaving!”

“Did he say anything about the thugs?” Sukuna pressed, trying to wait patiently as everything was translated.

“Unfortunately no, Your Grace, he said he didn’t get a good look at any of them. But his injuries were too severe for him to travel here, a true shame.”

“Yes…just awful…” Sukuna trailed off, having to look away to try and stifle the cruel smirk on his face. You wanted to say something, but found no words were coming, letting the tour resume as your mind went back to Lord Fushiguro. He was too injured to make the journey? Was there someone helping him recover or was he all on his own? Could you possibly send him a letter and at least apologize for what happened? Or maybe sneak away and visit him without Sukuna knowing?

“Hey.” He nudged you as you walked through the winery, getting to the wine cellar. “Do not think about him.”

“I’m not.” You countered immediately, shaking your head.

“You are, it is written all over your face.” Sighing shortly, Sukuna flexed his fingers as you descended down the stairs. “It’s vexing me, do not do it any longer.”

“Are you perhaps-”

“Do not dare.” Cutting you off immediately, Sukuna held out his hand to help you down the last few steps. “I know you may think I am jealous, but I can promise you I am not.”

“Yes of course.” You could barely contain your giggle at his words. Sukuna was indeed jealous if the way his jaw clenched was any indication. When the vintner brought up another winemaker, Sukuna was almost too interested in the bottle being shown, taking much more care to pay attention than you’d seen from him in the past.

After a rich and filling lunch, you were led out to the wineries terrace where there were several bottles waiting for you. Taking a seat, the staff assigned to the tasting wasted no time in filling your glasses and explaining the different blends and notes associated with each wine.

By the time you were finished, the sky was a burning orange and red and you were just starting to get hungry for dinner. You lost track of how many wines you’d tried and certainly which ones you liked or not; after a bit the flavors had all blended together. Bidding farewell to the vintner, you and Sukuna climbed into the carriage with a few more bottles of wine, even taking the unfinished bottles you had at the tasting.

Riding to a small but lively restaurant back in town, you were given the best seats in the house, able to watch people dancing and playing music. Sukuna had urged you to finish off a bottle by yourself in the carriage, so by the time the food came out you had nearly forgotten all table manners.

“I wish to dance.” You announced, your voice a bit too loud for a conversation between the two of you.

“Sit down.” Sukuna tried - and failed - to keep you from getting up as one song ended and another started. Approaching the dance floor, you quickly found a partner in another woman, one happy to take the lead through the dance.

You quickly devolved into a fit of happy, drunken giggles as you danced. Dancing here was different than in the ton, it mattered not what gender you were with and who did what position. You even changed partners several times throughout one song, becoming rapidly bewildered at who was who and even who you were.

“Oh Miss Marjorie, you are lovely!” Giving your original partner a large hug after a great number of dances, you swayed on your feet as she embraced you back.

“Oh likewise, Your Grace! It is an honor!” She seemed to be drunk as well, both of you slurring your words. Leaving you for a brief moment, she returned with two small glasses in her hand. “For you and the Prince!” Gasping happily, your smile was never brighter when you turned and waved at Sukuna. He had stood from his seat to watch you move around but did not venture further onto the floor.

“Thank you.” He was persuaded by your insistent waving and sauntered over, taking one glass and downing it swiftly. Not seeing him react to what was in the cup, you did the same but almost coughed it back up. You were not prepared for the sharp and burning sting of alcohol to hit the back of your throat, nor for it to burn so fiercely as it went down into your stomach.

“Sorry Your Grace, I should have warned you!” Marjorie laughed, patting you on the back as you coughed a few times.

“I-I’m fine.” Waving off her concern, you took a couple deep breaths and turned to Sukuna. “How can you be fine after that?”

“I’ve drunk stronger things in the military.” He simply shrugged, nonchalant to the whole thing. “Now if you excuse me, I’d like to go sit back down.”

“No!” You gasped, grabbing onto Sukuna’s arm as he tried to leave. “You have to dance with me!” Sukunas brow rose considerably at that, unable to tell if you meant it or not.

“I’m sure there are others you’d much rather dance with.” Sukunas attempt to try and shrug you off were in vain, you wouldn’t budge on the matter. After trying and failing a second and third time, he sighed in defeat. “Fine! One dance.”

Clapping giddily, you and Sukuna got positioned on the dance floor and began the moves. This one was similar to the other dances you were doing, switching partners and getting close to other people. Unbeknownst to you, Sukunas eyes stayed on you the entire time, making sure you came back to him as the dance progressed.

“Do not be jealous, Your Highness.” You teased him upon seeing his expression. This was the third dance he just finished and you could tell he was fuming.

“I’m not.” Sukuna vehemently denied, shaking his head a little too hard.

“You are, it is written all over your face.” Throwing his statement from earlier in the day in his face, you laughed as he rolled his eyes in defeat.

“I just- I do not like seeing all those other people dancing with you. You are my partner, not theirs.” Did he mean in just the dance or in another way as well? Your mind couldn’t dwell on the deeper meaning of it - or the meaning of anything, truly - and instead you acted on instinct and boldly grabbed onto Sukunas hand.

“You are my partner as well.” Your smile was goofy and it made Sukuna laugh.

“God, you vex me at times.” He had a smile on his face for the rest of the night, happily dancing with you for songs where you didn’t need to change partners. As the night wore on, the two of you got increasingly inebriated, so much so that Sukunas valet had to herd you into the carriage to take you back to the inn.

It was a struggle for your servants to help dress you in your nightclothes, both of you unable to be still in your respective changing areas. When Sukuna returned to the room, he saw you weren’t wearing your robe like last night.

“Ready for bed, Princess?” He said, forcing himself not to make a comment on your choice of clothing or the fact that your gown was a tad sheer, allowing him to see hints of the outline of your body. He felt himself getting hot under the collar, which made him chuckle; he had refused to put on a shirt when dressing, claiming he was much too hot for that.

“I am.” You stumbled to the bed and collapsed onto it, giving no care for how you looked at the moment. You didn’t even make a sound when Sukuna climbed in after blowing out the last candle, his body brushing yours as you chose to lay in the middle of the bed.

“Princess, how can we sleep like this?” Sukuna was trying so hard to be respectful but with the way you were lying diagonally and kicking your legs up every so often proved it very difficult. You grumbled something unintelligible, unable to form a sentence as drowsiness got the best of you.

After a few failed attempts at getting you to move, Sukuna had frustrated you enough that you let out a loud groan and sat up, allowing him to get comfortable before laying half on top of him. One of your legs was wrapped around his hips while your arms flailed about before settling to wrap around his upper body. With your head securely tucked into the side of his neck, you were finally able to calm down and rest.

“Goodnight Sukuna.” You whispered, slurring his name horribly. It wasn’t clear what possessed you to say his first name like this, but you didn’t seem to mind the way it rolled off your tongue. Sukuna stiffened for a moment, unsure of how to respond.

“G-goodnight, (Y-Princess.” He faltered, unable to say it at the last minute. As he recalls, he was the one who wanted to drop the formalities but as soon as the opportunity arose, he wasn’t able to take it. He practiced saying your name in his head but by the time he got the courage, you were snoring softly. Saving it for another day, Sukuna reciprocated your embrace and wrapped a hand around your back, keeping you snug against him as he let out a heavy sigh.

“Oh Princess, I think I’m falling in love with you.”

[male-body-swap-lover]

Time Travel Christmas Part 3

*** This was supposed to be out before Christmas but then life happened***

Christmas in 2023. Once again, I am here for the 3rd time, 3rd body. Living the past 45 years in my son’s body, well my dad’s body, or really my body has been an interesting adventure. This time, life followed the timeline I created when I was in my grandfather’s body, Roger Braddock the 1st. So, I did better in college than my father ever did, and we had more money than my father had in the original timeline. I always had a nicer house than my father ever had when he was living his life. I did follow the original timeline and married my wonderful wife, who I guess is my mother. I never thought like that though. It was never weird. I still created my children. My daughter and my son, Roger Braddock the 3rd, aka me. It’s weird looking at yourself when you are a baby, but you aren’t yourself, you know. I know it doesn’t make sense. The same thing happened when I was in my father’s body. It’s been amazing to experience this timeline so many different ways. I probably should have spent some more time in the gym, but such is life. I was in my den preparing for the family coming over for Christmas and looked over at one of my favorite photos. It was me holding my son at our first Christmas together.

God how things have changed. Yes, I did better financially in this timeline. However, I had one screw up, and that was my son, aka my old life. I pushed my son so hard because I wanted him to do better in this timeline. I always did well when I was Roger Braddock the 3rd, but I wanted my son in this timeline to be a doctor. I always pushed him so hard and it all back fired on me. Whereas when I was Roger Braddock the 3rd, I got into business and always pushed myself. I was decently successful, but never amazing or rich. I wanted the world for my son and apparently, I made a mistake. Not only did he not become a doctor, he didn’t become a businessman. He became a slacker, didn’t graduate high school, and now lives in a trailer home jumping from one temp job to another. He mostly listens to country music, smokes, and drinks beer. I still love him, but my god, I am embarrassed to be his father. Hopefully I will stay in Roger Braddock the 2nd’s body and never jump back into my original body, or if I do, it’s in my original timeline.  I’m not going to think about that though. I have a quick minute so I am going to lie down for a nap before the family gets here.

Ah fuck, why does it smell like cigarette smoke in here. I’ve told my son he can’t smoke in my house. I open my eyes and I am not in my bedroom. I look around and realize that I am in my son’s trailer. OH SHIT! I feel my body and I realize I am no longer Roger Braddock the 2nd. I am now Roger Braddock the 3rd. Oh this is exactly what I didn’t want. I never wanted these raggedy ass clothes and this beard. Who would want to be a poor redneck that gets drunk all the time. Ugh, why does my head hurt so much. Fuck, I must have a hangover. Goddammit this fucking blows. Wait, why am I swearing so much. This isn’t fucking like me. This is just like my son.

Oh my God! I’m starting to gain all of his memories and lose my old memories; I mean my father’s memories. Why would I have my father’s memories. That’s weird. I hate my father. He’s the reason I turned out like this. Tried to push me to become a doctor. Fat chance of that shit happening! I’m too stupid for that. That’s why I live in this shithole, but it’s good enough for me. Beer, cigarettes, cable. What else does a man need. When I need a man, they are so ready to come here for me. Nothing like a bearded, dirty redneck to get these young men to do some really weird shit. Fuck I love my life. Guess it’s Christmas so have to go see the ole parents. Can’t wait to get into an argument with my dad about some shit. Better take a beer for the road. Maybe time to set up a Grindr date for after. Better light up before I go. This is the life!

[evilwickedme]

So if Superman is Moses and Captain America is David, do you think that Spider-Man is Job?

He's always miserable, with suffering piled upon suffering and loss piled upon loss. But he always has faith in the goodness of humanity and the righteousness of his duty. He maintains his faith throughout all of his trials, and that's what makes him a hero.

(I was thinking about how Judaism and Xianity see G-d differently, and more specifically how they see faith and obedience to G-d differently. In Judaism faith isn't about obedience, and G-d is often an allegory for the world just as the world is often an allegory for G-d — at least that's how I interpreted the fact that 90% of our prayers are thanking G-d for creating a specific aspect of material reality. So if the story of Job is, from a Jewish perspective, isn't about unwavering obedience to a single entity but instead about having unwavering faith in the goodness of the world, then it fits Peter Parker almost to a T, right?)

Wow ok I am SO pissed off that I wrote the answer to this for a full hour and now it's just fucking gone because Tumblr decided not to publish it when I hit post. What the very fuck. So I'm going to try to shorten what I wrote a little and hopefully it'll still make sense. But this is a great ask, for real.

Anyway. I feel like something that's been lost in my most popular posts is that my central thesis when it comes to the Jewish nature of superheroes is not that there's a 1:1 between every hero and a historical, mythological, or Tanakhi figure. The central thesis is, instead, that the very concept of heroism as presented in comics is tied to the Jews who created the genre; it's just very easy to demonstrate these kinds of concepts with direct allegories that have such clear parallels. I actually have a third secret parallel that'll probably never see the light of day, between Magneto and Aher (and like, does anybody even know who Aher is? he's not exactly a well known figure).

One of the reasons I haven't posted this comparison is that it is largely thematic, and therefore requires considerably more explanation, especially for goyim or those who aren't familiar with Aher's story (אלישע בן אבויה fyi if that means anything to y'all). But that's sort of my point - it's much easier to point that Superman is literally Moses and Cap and David serve very similar purposes as characters than to talk about the fact that superheroism is based in Jewish values and traditions: the very idea that heroes are meant to make the world better through action as opposed to sacrifice, the value assigned to every single life (he who saves one life etc), characters becoming better people over time rather than going through dedicated redemption arcs, etc (I can't remember what I wrote here and it's driving me nuts thank you very much for asking).

I gave a lot of context here to the difference between Golden Age and Silver Age writing here but honestly again that took forever and I don't feel like typing it all up, so I'll just point out the basic facts which are that the people creating the comic book industry in the late 30s and early 40s were desperate Jews trying to save their people across the ocean, and also were only about ten or twenty years removed from having lived in the Old Country themselves. Their life and culture was intensely Jewish, they'd grown up in specific Jewish tales. By the time we get to Spider-Man, the situation is entirely different. It's been 25 years of comics (Superman debuted in '38, Spider-Man in '63), and the Jewish foundations of comic books and heroism are already baked in to the genre. Yes, the industry is still overwhelmingly Jewish, but now the separation from a purely Jewish upbringing and Jewish separatism in the Old Country is forty years old. The attempt now is to specifically make stories that haven't already been told - for Spider-Man, the main concept was that there had never been a teen hero before who stood on his own - one that wasn't part of team like the fantastic four, or, more typically, a sidekick.

All these differences actually mean that the coding of these characters is very different. Superman being Moses was intentional; Cap was created as anti-Nazi propaganda. Spider-Man was and is Jewish because he is such a pure example of what Jewish heroism is. He's flawed, he's angry, but he can't help himself from trying to save... Well, everyone. It is, however, important to note that he debuted a long while before Magneto was confirmed Jewish (I don't actually know if he was the first, bc I'm having trouble finding that kind of info easily on the internet, but he's certainly one of the most notable Marvel Jews ever, and he was confirmed as a Holocaust survivor relatively early); it was a whole before Marvel realized you could make somewhat prominent characters Jewish, let alone heroes, and by then Spider-Man was one of their best selling characters, and they're still afraid to this day to alienate readers by confirming him as such.

But moving onto Job - I think I have a very different read of the Book of Job from you, but that's not surprising to me; the Book of Job is incredibly opaque, and I doubt that any two people will interpret it exactly the same. Also, I was raised Orthodox, and I often have very different perspectives on various Jewish things than the typical American Jew. Here's how I view it, though.

Firstly, Job absolutely does not maintain his faith throughout the entire story. Yes, initially he's presented as the most pure person ever, one who has never even been tempted to do a chet (חטא, closest translation is sin; another word would be aveira, which would best be translated as a transgression). And, indeed, it is not his deeds that lead to him losing everything; it is instead Satan who argues to test his faith by taking everything he holds dear away from his - his money, his cattle, his children, his health, his wife.

It's noteworthy, for any goyiche reader, that Satan in Judaism is not the Christian Devil who rules hell. He's an adversary, for sure, but he's more like an opposing counsel; his role is to argue for every human's guilt, especially when someone has committed a terrible aveirah. Forgive me for saying this, but he's essentially a devil's advocate. He can be viewed as the manifestation of yetzer hara on a wider scale (yetzer hara and yetzer hatov are the two natural impulses we all have in ourselves, the first to be selfish or to commit bad deeds and the other to commit good deeds and help others; this is a neutral fact rather than a condemnation of any person, and also I'm massively oversimplifying things here). Also, he's a tattle-tale.

Anyway, back to Job. Yes, at first he does maintain his faith, through the loss of his property, his children, even his health; his wife, before she dies, begs him to curse God, and yet he doesn't. But when she does die, he spends a chapter lamenting the day he was born, regretting that he wasn't stillborn. At first this doesn't look like a direct accusation at God, but it absolutely is, as God is in charge of life and death, but also evidence by the following:

So Job does lose his faith, because as far as he can tell, he has never done anything wrong in his life ever, and yet he has been cursed to grieve everything he has ever had, and he won't even die.

Most of the book is dedicated to dialogue between himself and three of his friends, who come to the common conclusion that he must have done something wrong to deserve this treatment. But Job remains adamant: I did not deserve this.

The general lesson that many people take from this book is that God works in mysterious ways, blah blah. But like... We know, in fact, exactly why this story happened. We saw it! We saw Satan advocate to try Job! So what's the point of the book?

The point is the Job keeps asking "why". The point is that Job hears that God won't forgive his friends, despite the fact they blame him for his misfortune, and he still chooses to pray for them. The point is that he refuses to take what has happened to him quietly. Not accepting that what happened to him was just, but not accepting others' injustice either.

Ugh. I phrased all of this way better in the first draft. I really truly hate this.

Anyway my point is that Job, despite being far richer than the average Jew by the standards of his time, actually is meant to represent a very common situation: what do you when bad things happen. Do you blame yourself, or do you blame God? Do you let other people beat you when you're down, or do you stand up for yourself?

And the thing is those themes are universal, but they're not really related to Peter Parker in particular. In the shallowest sense, the kind I used to compare Cap and David or Superman and Moses, they do not have similar stories or backgrounds. Job has everything, and he loses it all, and he mourns all of it, including the property and money; Peter Parker is working class, has never had enough money, but we see again and again that he views it as a tool rather than a goal in and of itself. Spider-Man's origin is about learning to battle your yetzer hara, your darkest impulses, and we see Peter again and again trying to do his best even though he's often being pulled by his instincts to use his power for selfish purposes. Job does not ever have to learn any such lesson; he never did anything wrong.

The one thing in common between the two stories is that they both believe that every life has value - well, if Peter is being written by a competent authors at least - with Job praying to save the men who are literally called the "resha'im", the evil ones, and with Peter being the little man's hero. But that can be said about most heroes, especially the notable ones. Hell, there's an entire double page spread dedicated to the concept in Batwoman: Elegy. This is more of another indication of Jewish values making their way into the foundations of superhero comics than it is a similarity between Job and Peter.

Also, I feel like I need to be clear. Our prayers thanking God for creating something? Traditionally are simply thanking God for creating something. I'm not saying you can't interpret it as a metaphor for the world if that's what works for you, if that's how you see God, but God was very literal to most Jews for thousands of years, and I could talk for ages and ages about the schools of thought regarding God and the world and Maimonides and shit.

Speaking of which, we need to discuss the fact that Job is literally just some guy. Like he's not a prophet, he's not a leader or a judge, he's just some rich dude who lost everything, mourned it, and then got it all back. I've talked about this before, but one of the foundational ideas of my thesis is that the similarity between prophets having powers (such as Samson but also really any judge being considered a higher authority despite not even communing directly with God) and superheroes invokes Maimonides' claim that the first degree of prophecy is the need to act for the better good, being unable to ignore the ills of the world and doing your best to fix them - that people who incapable of ignoring that urge (and Peter, despite his occasional selfishness, often prioritizes Spider-Man in his life specifically because of that urge) are possessed by the spirit of God. Literal prophecy, communing with God, cannot exist without this base level. So, in effect, Peter is significantly holier than Job.

Anyway. Again, I've definitely missed some points because of Tumblr's fuck up and I intentionally skipped most of the history lesson that gave a lot of context which I didn't feel like typing up again, but this is most of it. Sorry if this wasn't what you hoped for, but this was a really interesting thing to talk about anyway, and I'm very grateful you gave me the opportunity to think it over.

[mika-no-sekai-blog]

Dream of Modron

(Eris x mysterious female)

Word count: ±900

Warnings: none I think

This short Eris' drabble was inspired by @erisweek2023 prompt "Dance"

I'm very sorry for my English 🫣

This week was really busy, so I hardly managed to write this. Hopefully you'll like it despite of all the mistakes I've made.

And the hardest part of the story? The speech! I'm the last person who'd ever give any speech and it seems it's impossible for me to write one too.

Eris decided to check on preparations for upcoming Autumnal equinox's celebration. He worked on it for the past two months and now there was only 1 hour left before it starts. As he walked around the clearing where it'll be held he inspected five tall piles of dry wood prepared for bonfires.

After that he moved to the tables. Servants assured him that the tables with food and snacks made of apples, pumpkins, chestnuts and other autumn fruits and veggies, would be ready on time as the last plates and trays should arrive any minute.

Before returning to the palace to get ready himself, he also checked the decoration, podium from where he'll speak and even the stage for musicians. All seemed to be ready.

Satisfied he returned to his room to take a shower and change to already prepared clothes. Last look in the mirror and he moved to the table to go through his speech quickly one more time. As the time came closer he could hear cheerful voices from outside. The crowd started to gather. It's time.

Approaching his podium he could see people gathered around, waiting for him to start the celebration. Making sure his mask of a fearless high lord is on its place, he took his place on the podium. There was a buzz in the crowd as all eyes turned to him. Calmly Eris surveyed people in front of him. He waited until everybody was quiet. Then he cleared his throat and started.

„Welcome to the annual Autumnal equinox's festival! Last year was really hard on us. War took too many lives and we also lost our high lord, my father. But we made it. We survived. Thanks to you all our country is safe once again," he paused to look to everyone in the eye.

„Despite of everything, nature was generous to us this year too and gifted us a lot of food, fruits and vegetables," he gestured towards the full tables set up along the edges of the clearing.

„Usually we celebrate Autumn equinox to give our thanks to the nature, but this year is little bit different. Let's take advantage of this feast and celebrate our victory and life itself as well. Let the party begin!“

With last words he left his powers rumble around, setting the bonfires on fire. Crowd cheered loudly. Then priestesses on the other side of clearing took over the attention and performed their usual rituals and offerings. When spiritual part ended, musicians took up their instruments and crowd split into dancers and onlookers.

A satisfied grin settled on Eris's face as he took in the scene in front of him from his small podium. Everything went smoothly, exactly as he planned it.  Unfortunately he couldn't stay longer and enjoy the results of his hard work. There were some high lord's matters that needed his attention. He waited until he was sure people were enough distracted. But when he was about to sneak out, he noticed a girl dancing around one of the bonfires. In the moment he forgot everything else.

It wasn't her look that caught his eye even though it wasn't bad too. She had big green eyes, waist-length auburn hair, quite lovely face with few freckles on her small nose and cheeks. She was rather smaller with slim and graceful curves.

It was her dance that impressed him. Her movements were precise, confident, elegant and as wild as the flames behind her. She radiated  tremendous energy that attracted him. It reminded him of Nesta's dance just with one difference. This girl was way better. If Nesta was a queen of dance, this girl was goddess.

Before he knew, he was already strolling through the crowd, every step bringing him closer to her. He stopped few meters from her with arms crossed on chest, openly gazing at her with smirk plastered on his face. The smirk that she shamelessly reciprocated. It seemed as if she was dancing just for him making eyes on him every time she turned his way.

Biting down his lower lip he watched her for few minutes enjoying the view before joining her. She eagerly accepted his hand and together they swirled around the bonfire in a wild vortex of dance. Fire filled his veins fuelled by the warmth and flexibility of the flesh under his fingers. A wild grin spread across his face. They hadn't spoken a single word, but neither of them minded.

Eris lost track of the time and his surroundings. At that moment there was only her, the music and the fire for him. He didn't feel tiredness nor thirst or hunger. His body was drawn to hers, his lips only few centimetres from hers. Suddenly she stopped. Eris blinked and looked around.

The night turned into dawn, everybody had already left. Looking at the empty stage where musicians stood before, it was clear that the music must have stopped playing a long time ago. Only embers remained of great bonfires.

Surprised he turned back to the girl, but she was gone too. He looked around in confusion. Except of him there were only wisps of early morning mist rolling across the clearing.

He sighed. He didn't even have a chance to ask her name. Tired he returned back to the palace and crawled into the bed.

[k-evans-reads]

In Living Color

Chapter 21

Summary: When Natalie Marton, lead character designer for Buzz Lightyear, meets the voice of Buzz, Chris Evans, the sparks are undeniable. But when their work pushes them away from each other, both physically and emotionally, will the sheer differences between their worlds be enough to force them apart?

Pairing: Chris Evans x Pixar Animator OFC Natalie Marton

Word Count: 4,358

By: @k-evans-writes and @ourfinest-hour

We do NOT give permission for our works to be reuploaded, translated, or reposted on any other site. Our work is our own.

Warnings: None.

Previous | Main Masterlist | In Living Color Masterlist

April 2022

Nat balanced the phone between her shoulder and ear as she put a dish in the oven, shutting the door as she turned on the timer. “So have you given work an answer about the promotion yet?” Her father asked, his voice a calming wave over her as she cooked dinner. 

“Not yet but I have to by Monday,” she replied, biting her lower lip as she watched the timer count down on the small screen. She had a lot going on, a running to-do list in her mind – and on her phone, her computer, and the back of her hand – but at the top of it right now, was the man on his way from the private airfield nearby. “I was going to talk to Chris about it last weekend when I went to his sister’s wedding but obviously that didn’t happen. I tried to talk to him a few times this week but he didn’t have time but he’s in town this weekend for his friend’s bachelor party, and he’s coming over soon so I’ll talk to him then.” 

Eric made a small sound at those words, assuring her, “I’m sure he’ll be so excited for you.” 

“I hope so,” she sighed, frowning as she stared down at the stove top in front of her. She ignored the messy remnants of the previous week’s cooking, the messy kitchen sink, and the billowing work bag strewn across the kitchen table, scrutinizing herself and Chris rather than the chaos surrounding her. 

“You don’t sound so sure…” 

She sighed again, tilting her head back as she stared up at the ceiling above her. “Chris has just been so unhappy about my hours and work lately that I’m afraid when he hears the word ‘promotion’ he’s just instantly going to be against it,” she admitted to Eric. It’d been a build up that hadn’t gone unnoticed by Nat, starting in January. She and Chris had discussed her schedule while in Washington for New Year’s, but since then, something had shifted between them. She’d long attributed it to the distance really being back in full-throttle for the first time in several months, with Chris across the country working long days on set while she worked long days in Burbank. But as plans were changed, canceled, and argued over, she recognized that the distance she felt wasn’t the physical distance, but their minds. They were in different places, focusing on different things, and life just felt as if Chris was suddenly not the companion he once was to her. 

He sighed on the other end of the call, and the noise made Nat feel as though he was sitting right behind her in the kitchen, watching as she cooked. “Just remember to make the right decision for you, Nattie. You’ve worked for this for so long and I don’t want to see you give up what you want for a guy,” he encouraged, his voice firm and proud. “I saw you hold firm to who you were through everything with Shane and I was so proud of you for that.” 

“Thanks dad, that means a lot to me,” she spoke honestly, but her mind was racing as she moved around the open apartment to sit on the small sofa. As she folded her legs next to her, she added, “I hope I’m just worrying over nothing. Hopefully Chris will see that this will have me working less in the long run and is a good decision for us. It’s been so hard lately with Chris being gone and then he told me before I went to Atlanta that he signed onto another project for the fall and winter so it’ll be nice I’ll have more flexibility to visit him by then.” 

“Yeah,” Eric told her quietly, his voice sounding distant suddenly. 

“Dad? What are you thinking?” 

“What? Why do you say that?” 

“Because I know you and I know that ‘yeah’ meant you’re thinking something,” she insisted, rolling her eyes to herself as she leaned back against the soft cushions of the couch. 

Eric sighed, the action sounding almost frustrated while he delicately began, “Nattie, honey you know how much I love you. And you know how much I love Chris and how happy he makes you.” 

“But…” She trailed off, practically able to hear the argument coming from her father. 

“I just can’t help but wonder why he’s the one complaining about your hours but then is also the one signing onto new projects,” Eric hurriedly confessed. He knew some details of what’d happened between Chris and Nat lately, but she wouldn’t be surprised if he had heard more from either of her sisters. She mulled over his words, seeing the validity in them, that Chris was the one disrupting her schedule when it was convenient for him. “I’m not saying that he shouldn’t be doing what he loves but it seems like from what you’re telling me that you’re the one making more of the decisions for your relationship and he’s still kind of doing what he wants.” 

“...I think some of it is just that he’s worried about me working a lot but I do think that a part of that might be true,” she admitted slowly and carefully, choosing her words deliberately. “But I’m not just making this choice for our relationship, I want this promotion too. I want what it could offer me and that it can help me keep moving up.” 

The familiar, comforting sideways smile of Eric’s was evident in his voice when he assured his youngest, “Then I think it’s as simple as that, Nattie. If you want to do it, then I think you should do it, plain and simple.” 

“I want to do it,” she decided, her voice clear and steady. 

“And I’m so proud of you Nattie. I remember filling out those forms for art school and just knowing that you’d go on to do incredible things, and you have,” Eric told her, his voice thick with emotion as tears threatened to spring from Nat’s eyes. “I wish your mom could be here to see it, but I’m proud enough for the both of us.” 

“Thanks dad, it means a lot to me,” she murmured, but as her phone chimed with a text and she pulled it away from her ear to momentarily read it, she told him, “Hey Chris just texted me and said he’s on his way up, but I’ll call you tomorrow.” 

With her father’s praise rattling around Nat’s mind and Chris’ impending arrival looming, she listened to the sounds around her. The gentle humming of the oven as it ran, the rattling of the air conditioner outside her unit, the chirping birds, the occasional honking horn from the road outside, and eventually, the sound of a familiar set of footsteps approaching her unit, until finally – the sound of a set of keys unlocking her door. 

It didn’t take long for Chris to cross the room and have his arms around her, holding her tight against his chest as their lips pressed together passionately. Although there were so many things lingering around them and swirling inside of Nat, it still always felt so good when she was with him. Somehow things just felt a little less chaotic when they were together, but she just only hoped that it stayed that way once she told him the things he didn’t know yet. 

Nat let him pull her onto the couch, her legs in his lap and his hand rubbing along her thigh as they caught up, sharing so many of the things they hadn’t had time or space to. But even as they talked, eventually moving to the table to eat together, that gnawing feeling showed up inside her as the inevitable loomed and soon enough, Nat just couldn’t take it anymore. 

“Chris, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about,” she finally told him, her fork rattling as she dropped it against her plate. 

His brows rose and fell quickly as he wiped his face with a napkin, murmuring, “That doesn’t sound too good.” 

“No, no, it’s good but I just wanted to be able to tell you before you go back to Atlanta tomorrow,” she assured him, but was unable to help herself from tapping her foot anxiously against the floor. 

“What is it, baby?” He asked, nodding his head encouragingly as curiosity took hold. 

“Last week I had a meeting with the department head of animation,” she began, pausing to note the miniscule changes in his expression, knowing he had a horrible poker face. “And he was telling me that they’ve been really impressed with all of my designs that I did for Lightyear and that they thought I did a good job as the lead character designer for it.” 

His jaw dropped a bit as he shook his head, a sideways smirk on his lips while he assured her, “That doesn’t surprise me at all. You’re so fuckin’ talented Nattie.” 

“Well that wasn’t all he wanted to tell me…you know how I’m the lead designer for Disgust on Inside Out 2?” She paused, smiling a little as Chris immediately nodded in acknowledgement. “He told me that they want me to move to overseeing the development of all the characters in the film.” 

“Seriously?” Chris asked, pausing himself before he delicately asked,  “… is that what you want to do? I mean, what exactly would that job look like?” 

She took a long sip from her water glass, her foot still tapping nervously as she explained, “I wouldn’t be really designing the characters myself anymore and doing the day to day type stuff but instead I’d be the person that the leads report to and I’d kind of give them feedback and make sure all the designs are fitting in the mold of the movie and everything.” 

“So you wouldn’t be designing yourself?” His voice quietly asked.

“Well, not really,” she answered, shrugging her shoulders as she nervously pulled her long-sleeved tee over her hands. “It’s overseeing more.” 

“Do you want to do that, Nattie?” 

She nodded, her gaze breaking away from him as she stared past him into the hallway. “It’s a huge promotion, like honestly it’s kind of unbelievable that they offered it to me,” she shook her head, adding on, “I’d be moving up the ladder and switching over to Pixar.” 

His brows furrowed in confusion and he tilted his head, clarifying, “So wait, you wouldn’t be at Disney Animation anymore?”

She took a deep breath as the other aspect was finally brought up, informing him, “No, I’d be going to Pixar since all the leads are at their headquarters in San Francisco.” San Francisco had always been in the back of her mind, especially with how often Jamie went back and forth for meetings and events, but especially as of late. She’d kind of reached her peak for growth at Disney Animation, having a much smaller-scale Pixar team here as compared to in the Bay Area. It was the natural progression, not only for her specifically, but for nearly anyone involved with the company. 

Chris leaned back in his chair, his lips pursed as he unhappily concluded, “So you’d have to move if you took the job.” 

“...You don’t sound like you’re very happy about this,” she replied, her brows furrowed and a deep frown on her lips as she stared over at him. She thought he’d be thrilled. She didn’t see why it mattered to him whether or not she was in Los Angeles anymore, especially given how little he’d been in the city for any reason that wasn’t to see her in the past year. A few meetings happened, sure, but if he was in Massachusetts, Georgia, or anywhere else, what difference would it make that she wasn’t in this city? 

“I’m just surprised I guess. I wasn’t expecting you to say this,” he shrugged, his voice clipped and frustrated, causing Nat to sigh exasperatedly. 

“It’s a huge step in my career that I think it’d be stupid not to take this,” she explained with a shake of her head as she dropped her napkin on her plate. “This is making a career out of art.” 

“Haven’t you done that already though?” 

“But now I’m the one in charge of it though. I’m overseeing all of it,” she explained, her hands moving wildly as she attempted to explain the entire picture to him. 

“Nattie this just… doesn’t seem like what you wanted before. You love being able to actually create the characters and now you won’t get to do that,” he dismissed her enthusiasm, running a hand through his hair as he shook his head. “I don’t really get where you wanting this is coming from.” 

“You’re the one who’s always complaining about my hours and wanting me to work less so I thought you’d be happy about this,” she pointed out, biting her lip as she huffed out a breath. “I wanted to do this for us.” 

“I just am shocked, I guess,” he shrugged, eyes looking away and around the apartment as he thought. “But we can think it through and talk about it to see what’s best for us, I’m sure you don’t have to give them an answer immediately, right?” 

“I have to decide by Monday and I want to say yes,” she told him, knowing the date Jamie and the other heads had given her. Her mind had been racing ever since, but she knew in her heart what she wanted, and it was to prove her worth beyond the small impacts she’d made, to take the logical next step so that in the long run, they’d get more time together to do the things she knew they’d both craved and dreamed of. “They want me to move up to San Francisco soon if I say yes.” 

Chris scoffed as he shook his head, his voice dripping with near-sarcasm as he told her, “So basically what you’re saying is that it doesn’t matter what I want because you’re going to say yes anyway.” 

“That’s not what I said and you know it,” she told him firmly, her voice wavering slightly as she watched the way he reacted. “I was going to talk to you about this last weekend but I got sick. That wasn’t my fault, Chris.” 

Nat watched as Chris abruptly pushed his chair back, a horrible screech from the wooden chair scraping against the floor, before he stood up, walking a few long strides away as he ran a hand through his hair anxiously before turning around and blurted out in a sharp tone,“So you’ve known about this for a week and just didn’t want to tell me,” 

While tossing her napkin on the table, Nat stood up and insisted, “I tried to tell you this week and you were too busy to talk to me!” 

“I was filming!” His blue eyes were wide as he threw both hands up in the air. 

“I told you that I wanted to talk and you didn’t make time for it! What was I supposed to do?” 

“You could have fuckin’ told me it was about your job!” Chris’ six foot frame suddenly seemed so much taller and the space between them feeling so much farther as he shot back, “I kind of would like to fucking know when you make decisions that alter your life and mine by the way.” 

But with this explosion of emotions, Nat couldn’t help but wonder if the selfish side of him was just annoyed that it would affect him and that their relationship would take a lot more work now than it had before. Her hands came to her hips as she fired back at him, “Are you just pissed because I’m going to have to move?” 

With a scoff and his head turning away for a long moment, shaking it back and forth before he loosely waved his hand, struggling to find the words before his voice came back a bit softer than it was before, “I thought we were getting closer, Nattie. I thought that we were really serious here and now I feel like you just threw it all in my face!” 

“I thought you’d be happy for me but I guess that’s too much to ask,” Nat felt her anger rising. As much as it hurt to hear his push back to her news, it almost hurt feeling the same sort of rejection and unimportance as she had before, telling Chris, “This is exactly what happened with Shane. He pretended like he cared about my career until it didn’t suit him and then he wanted me to drop everything that I’d worked for to go be with him and now you’re doing exactly the same thing!” 

“What the fuck, Nattie!” He exploded, blue eyes growing wide as his voice boomed. “I don’t give a fuck where you live! I don’t want you to drop everything for me but this just isn’t you! I don’t fucking know why you’re uprooting your life to go do a job you don’t want!”

Nat shook her head, curls bouncing wildly and she leaned against the kitchen counter, arms crossed over her chest as she retorted, “Oh it’s nice to know that you know what I want more than I do now.” 

“When have you ever wanted to be a fucking mananger, Nat? What part of that is you?” Chris insisted as he leaned his upper body toward her, a hand held in the air like a question mark. 

She pointed a finger at her chest, loudly reminding him,“The part that has busted my ass for over a decade working to make art my career.” 

“And you have! You’re doing what you love so why do you want to do this now? Why do you want to be a manager and not design things yourself and move away from Mark and Jamie and all your friends here?” 

“Because this is a huge deal! You have no idea what this promotion could do for me!” 

“Like what? What could it do?” He wanted to know, eyebrow cocked as he stood up fully upright, his arms crossing over his chest mirroring her position. 

But Nat wasn’t going to let him bulldoze her and answered his patronizing question, “It could let me keep moving up. It can open doors for me to keep progressing in my career!” 

“What the fuck does that even mean? So you can go sit in some office and make sure everyone is doing their job? Nat, you’re the one creating things, not the one making sure they’re getting done,” he argued.“Why is your end goal moving up the ladder?” 

“Because that’s something most artists never get. Most artists don’t ever get to do this, especially people like me and I can’t throw this away,” she was firm in her statement. 

There was a long silence between them, both staring at one another with a harsh gaze. Nat stayed in her place, arms crossed defensively as she watched him take a long breath before turning his back to her, walking over to the other end of her apartment as he looked out the window for a long moment before coming back to his previous position right in front of her. She watched as he rested a hand on his hip, the other running through his short hair and his tone was softer as he brought his blue eyes to meet hers, “Look, I don’t know what the fuck is going on but this isn’t you, Nattie. You’re an artist and a damn good one and now suddenly you decide to take this promotion immediately and basically become a manager?” 

“I’m still an artist but it’s time to grow up,” Nat’s answer was simple, emphasized with a soft shrug. “I’ll still be creative but now I'm just overseeing it instead of doing it myself.” 

“But doing it yourself is what you love!” He insisted, both hands held out as he rationalized, “I thought you were wanting to do your own art and make more time for that and now suddenly you’re moving and doing this?” 

“This is the career everyone wants. Everyone wants to move up,” she struggled to understand how he couldn’t see this. He couldn’t seem to understand that not every creative had the opportunities he did and had an upward trajectory. Chris didn’t understand what it was like to struggle to make it in the creative world and how much this promotion validated that all her hard work had paid off so she decided to put it plainly for him by telling him, “This is the dream.” 

But Chris just shook his head, eyes flickering down for a minute before clarifying, “No, it’s not your dream.” 

“And since when are you an expert on my dreams?” 

“Since I fell in love with you and got to know who you are,” Chris reminded her that she wasn’t alone on all of this, but any softness that was there seem to get ripped away when he sarcastically scoffed, “Seriously, what is this? Is this little Nattie trying to follow in her big sister’s footsteps and prove she’s successful like they are? Or are you just trying to run away from what you really want?” 

“This is what I want!” Nat yelled, not knowing a more simple way to get it through his thick skull. 

“So what the fuck was all of that shit after your art show about wanting to create for yourself? You told me that you wanted to slow down and focus on the things in your life that made you happy and that you didn’t want to get caught up in what society deemed as being successful and now here you are doing exactly that!” Chris’ tone rose to match hers before asking with his left eyebrow raised, “Or was that just a bunch of bullshit you fed me because that’s what you thought I wanted to hear?” 

But Nat just couldn’t understand how no matter what she said, no matter what she told him that she was feeling, it was met with an argument and could only arrive at the conclusion, “I feel like you just don’t want me to succeed!” 

“You’re right, I don’t want you to succeed at things you don’t give a shit about! I want to see you succeed at the things you actually want in life!” Chris insisted, his whole body filled with tension as his low voice scoffed, “I thought that our relationship was one of them.” 

Nat wasn’t about to let him put everything on her though. She had supported him in so many things along their relationship and didn’t understand why he couldn’t do the same for her now. She knew how unfair he was being and questioned,“Why does getting a promotion and moving mean I don’t want our relationship to succeed? You took on two more projects for this year that put us on separate coasts and the only thing I did was cheer you on and now when I have an opportunity you just shoot it down and try to convince me that I don’t want it!” 

“Sorry for trying to fucking make sure you’re doing what’s best for you Nattie!” 

“Why do you always assume you know the right answer to everything?!” She shouted, not understanding how he felt he held the magic answers to everyone’s life and reminded Chris, “I can figure things out on my own!” 

“I thought that we’d make decisions together!” Chris emphasized, drawing out his words in a way that made Nat scoff as she rolled her eyes. 

She pointed a single finger towards Chris as her hand nearly shook with the emotions coursing through her system. “Oh like when you signed onto your extra projects without talking to me first? Was that a decision we made together? Or does that together shit only apply to my decisions because you want control of them?” She scoffed, laughing bitterly as she shook her head. 

His hands flailed at his sides before he extended them fully, waving them as he insisted, “I’m not trying to control you!” 

“Yes you are!” 

“Fine, then fucking go to San Francisco. Go fucking live your ‘dream’ that is the exact opposite of what you’ve told me you wanted but this isn’t my Nattie. This isn’t the Nat that I fell in love with,” he ground out, his body tense as his voice quietly – but increasingly angrily – sent warning signals to her, but Nat was too angry with his hypocrisy to pay them any mind. 

“So just because I made a decision you didn’t like, suddenly I’m not the same person?” She asked, pausing to let Chris try to plead his case one last time. But when the man standing across the room from her fell completely silent for the first time since dinner had begun. She scoffed at how little he tried to push back before she concluded, “You’re just like Shane. This is exactly what happened with him!” 

“Don’t fucking do that Nat. Don’t compare me to that dickhead,” Chris instantly rebutted, his face bright red. “I’m trying to help you!” 

“No, you’re just trying to tell me what to do!”

“No, I care about you Nat!” 

A heavy silence fell between them, anger flushing both of their faces as they stared each other down harshly. Nat’s lips were pursed as she looked at him with his hands on his hips as he waited for her response but it ended up coming a lot more calm than expected when Nat stated, “Well maybe I don’t want you to if this is what that looks like.” 

“...Then I guess I better go.” 

“I guess you better.” 

And just as suddenly as Chris had entered her life over a year ago, now he was leaving it just as suddenly, slamming the door behind him as he left the broken pieces of what they had been, shattered on the floor. 

[innerchorus]

As much as I know, Andragoras and Tahamine adopted Arslan because Tahamine gave birth to a baby girl, and after that she can't have baby anymore. But why Andragoras didn't try to have other babies with other women? Is there any explanation?

Okay, warning for novel spoilers.

First, the truth about the child born to Andragoras and Tahamenay. The baby was a son rather than a daughter, but unfortunately it was stillborn. This is revealed by Zahhak in Book 16:

'"If Tahamenay had given birth to the child without mishap, things would have turned out differently. Since the son born to that woman was stillborn, Andragoras panicked and staged a foolish charade. No only did he bring in someone else's son, but he also bought three baby girls, gave them the appropriate silver bracelets and sent them off to separate parts of the country. This was all for the sake of preventing the infertile Tahamenay from committing suicide."' (Book 16, Chapter Five, Part ii)

You're right that Tahamenay was left infertile after giving birth. I assume the birth itself must have been pretty traumatic for those who attended her to know this was the case right away, as if Andragoras had believed she was able to give him more children, I doubt he would have gone to all this effort.

As for why he didn't father children with anyone else, as far as I know there are no details about this, but we can make some guesses.

Andragoras doesn't seem to particularly care about the continuation of the royal line. He sees it for what it is, and in all honestly I think he gets a grim sense of satisfaction from hinting at the unpleasant truth while never revealing it in full, and was fully prepared to let the line die out after his death. I'm sure that in an ideal world he'd have liked to have his son inherit, but when that's not possible (specifically, when it's not possible for him to have another child with Tahamenay), from his point of view, a substitute will do.

He needed an heir in order to maintain stability in his rule, which is likely a big motivation for taking Arslan. By the time Arslan is named Crown Prince and officially designated as his heir, five years have passed. During that time, perhaps he held on to some hope that Tahamenay would somehow conceive again, but after five years it must have been apparent that it truly was impossible.

I do think, in the absence of a biological child with Tahamenay, he fully intended for Arslan to become Shah after his death, but was more interested in preserving his own power during his lifetime than he was in setting Arslan up for success.

For Andragoras, I think his biggest motivation was "having". The throne. The wealth and power that came with it. Pars itself. And Tahamenay as his queen. He wanted more than anything to possess her, and he did it by controlling her since he couldn't force her to love him and he knew that without believing she had a living child out there somewhere, she would find a way to escape by killing herself. Perhaps he was even so obsessed with her that no other woman would do. I believe all of this mattered more to him than thinking about what would happen to the country after his own death. He's a very selfish person, especially compared to Arslan.

Unlike Andragoras, Arslan has no personal desire for power and does not wish to be Shah for his own sake, but rather views it as his duty. He spends his whole life wondering what an ideal ruler is like and worries about not living up to that ideal. He is conscientious and puts the future of his people before all else. He doesn't care about riches or treasure. And he does not want to marry or have an heir of his own. They are total opposites in every way.

(That last bit was a digression; I just find it interesting. Hopefully this has answered your question!)

May as well edit to add here as well as in the comments: it is also mentioned in Book 7 that part of the reason for the baby-swap is that having a son preserves Tahamenay’s status. That must have been important to Andragoras (again, for selfish reasons, not for Tahamenay’s sake).

[pardonmydelays]

"i don't think i'll ever understand musicals the way you do" is something i've heard from one of my friends a couple of days ago when i told him i'm about to cross the whole country just to see one of those (my favourite one!) live in theatre. and i can't blame him. if you'd have told me a year ago that i would do something like that, i'd probably have laughed in your face. life is so unpredictable. i guess i have changed a lot. and i could write thousands of essays about how musicals helped me get through the shittiest period of my life, but we are not going to talk about this today. today we are talking about in the heights, the first musical i got a chance to experience live in theatre, hopefully not last. so grab a cup of coffee and make yourself comfortable, this is going to be the longest essay you've ever seen, friends.

a little warning: spoilers. a lot of them actually. so if, by any chance, you haven't seen/heard it yet and you are going to, don't read it.

first thing i feel like i need to mention is that they had this mini bar inside the theatre and you could order a lot of different drinks there and one of them was called abuela's coffee. i heard one lady explaining to someone that it's actually coffee with condensed milk. my jaw dropped and i was like CAN I STAY HERE FOREVER, PLEASE? for those who don't understand why, here's a quote from the first song:

USNAVI: abuela, my fridge broke, i got café but no con leche ABUELA CLAUDIA: try my mother's old recipe: one can of condensed milk

so this was my first "OH! THEY GET IT!" moment (a little note here: i had a lot of oh, they get it moments, mostly because i don't have any people around me who understand musicals the way i do... honestly, you'd have to live inside my brain). that was the first time ever when i could actually be in the room where it happens with all those people who get it and care about it as much as i do (mostly actors and people responsible for the whole show tho, but we will get to this later).

let's get to the show. so when i finally went inside and i saw the stage, i already had tears in my eyes (don't judge me please). usnavi's store, abuela's door, daniela and carla's salon, all those puerto rican, cuban and dominican flags (one couple behind me was trying to figure out which one is which and it was funny because i knew and i wanted to scream)... listening and memorizing the whole soundtrack is one thing. being able to experience it all live is something else. all those things around me were so familiar and this was the first time in months (MONTHS! OR EVEN YEARS!) i felt really understood. after all, it was all like a little celebration of lin's story (the one i love with all my heart) and i truly felt like home. so that was another OH! THEY GET IT! moment.

i don't think i'm going to talk about every single song here, that's not the point. i will talk about my favourite moments, but also about things that didn't work very well in my opinion (again: this was a polish version so all the songs were translated into polish. and they did a really great job here, surprisingly. but it wasn't perfect, more about that later).

one thing you need to understand is that i will never be normal about musicals so of course i had to burst into tears at the very first song (i don't even know why, i think i was a little bit too excited). i was actually crying in the most random moments like when i first saw nina or at the end of carnaval del barrio because I KNEW WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT (who the hell cries at carnaval del barrio when everyone is having the time of their lives lol, me apparently).

ok, so the first song. the choreography, oh my god. it was everything. the translation was also pretty good here, i need to say this was probably one of my favourite moments. imagine me leaving today giggling like a child when usnavi came on that stage and started rapping, i was in heaven. also, i have to admit, the cast was amazing. i could never imagine anyone better for this role (and again, i am talking about polish actors because everyone knows who's the best usnavi of them all). he was cute and charming and awkward and so adorkable and also really handsome. he was actually perfect in my opinion.

i kinda lost my mind when i saw nina for the first time. first of all: i already knew who was going to play her and let's just say i fell in love with this actress before i even saw her live on that stage. this was important to me, because (as some of you know) nina rosario is my favourite character. and oh my god, she was an absolute perfection. what a voice, sweet jesus. i'm being serious, this girl is so talented, give her every award (i honestly hope i will have a chance to see her again one day, i'm just crazy about her). and breathe was so good! polish version was amazing, i was so scared they would screw it up, but they didn't, so all's good (this song is very important to me, ok?). also, she's a phenomenal actress, i could feel all her emotions for real. and of course i cried, what did you expect?

i don't have that much to say about benny, except that he was really cute and he had amazing chemistry with nina, so once again, the casting was really good. i mean, he is not chris jackson of course, but i have decided i'm not going to compare all those actors because everyone knows at this point how much i love OBC, i was trying to have an open mind. vanessa was also pretty great, amazing voice and her dancing skills, wow, just wow. i could talk about all those actors for days actually, but i'm not going to do that, so i will just quickly mention that i absolutely loved daniela and carla, abuela claudia made me cry, sonny was the funniest character in the whole play and i don't think i will ever recover after piragua guy's performance (i was the only person in the audience who was laughing when he came on that stage, they don't get it, ok? polish people have no sense of humour and that's a fact). actually, there were a lot of funny moments (obviously) and i was the only person who was laughing, god help me.

so let's get to the first thing that was a little disappointing for me. you will not believe it, but it was actually... 96,000 (this is one of my favourite songs and i seriously can't live like this). it's not the translation tho (it was honestly fine), it's the voice overlapping part at the end (again, the best thing ever, just listen to we don't talk about bruno from encanto and non-stop from hamilton and you will understand why it works so well in every lmm's song). the thing is, you could actually only hear vanessa's part and i wanted to die, because EXCUSE ME. i always sing usnavi's part and you could barely hear a word from it. but apart from that, the rest was fine, the choreography was amazing and it's just something i needed to mention because i had thoughts about it.

paciencia y fe! ok besties, i have thoughts, again. abuela claudia was absolutely incredible, also, her relationship with usnavi is something that you can't see in the movie version (they were so sweet i wanted to curl up and die. i knew about it before, i saw slime tutorial with obc on yt, ok? i'm pretty sure lin would be mad at me for watching bootlegs lol. i just wanted to say this). the translation didn't work out at the very end of the song tho, because when in the og version abuela sings about the "winning ticket", everyone knows already she won the lottery. i don't remember polish translation exactly, but it was something with double meaning, depends on how you interpret it, and i'm 100% sure people who didn't know the plot just didn't catch it. the rest of the song was absolutely beautiful tho.

when you're home. i was so afraid of this one, because i am totally crazy about this song (did i ever mention lin wrote this one after one of his first dates with vanessa? no? yes? ok i'll shut up about this now). oh, they did a really great job with it and it's a relief. i have nothing else to say, except that i was crying like a baby, but this song always makes me cry so what did you expect exactly? one of the best moments for sure. again, nina and benny's chemistry was absolutely incredible.

as much as i loved the club, i was actually really disappointed with one part, which is usnavi's famous "jealous i ain't jealous, i can take all these fellas, wHaTeVaaaaa". i've been waiting so long for this! and they messed it up with their stupid cringy translation which i don't even remember at the moment but usnavi was actually mad at benny and he cursed? ANYWAY. the rest of the song was great and the choreography was absolutely phenomenal, oh vanessa! let me get the next one! (i love her so much, she was amazing here). a little note from me: no one was laughing at the "no hablo ingles" part, NO ONE BUT ME!!! THEY DON'T GET IT! WTF! i was so mad (i am aware of the fact that most people probably didn't even know this story before and they just wanted to see a musical, not THE MUSICAL, which is totally fine. but sweet jesus, where is their sense of humour? they left it at home or what?).

and blackout was that part where the voice overlapping effect worked very well, so all's good. actually, one of the best moments for me as well. people were actually so confused when all the lights went down, but that was just so amazing. all the panic! everybody was screaming, crying! WE ARE POWERLESS! THE END OF ACT I!!! oh, i had the time of my life.

i had this weird feeling that they didn't exactly know how to translate most of hundreds of stories so they just made this song shorter than it actually is. which is fine i guess. honestly, it's better than bad translation, so i can forgive them. what i absolutely can't forgive tho is that the audience wasn't laughing at US NAVY. polish people, you have no fucking taste. i said what i said. and then again, usnavi and abuela's relationship was so sweet this song actually made me cry (mostly because i knew what was coming but also, i was just this weird girl who was sitting there in the second row and was crying at the most random moments).

ok, guys, honestly. carnaval del barrio was the best moment from the entire musical. oh, how much i want to experience it again! daniela was absolutely incredible, carla was so sweet, piragua guy stole the whole fucking show for me (seriously guys! he was just so amazing!). also, those little details i have never noticed before? i can't even tell if the same thing happened in the original version (the quality of that bootleg is actually terrible), but benny dancing with american flag somewhere in the background was so fucking funny and i don't think i will ever get over that part where at the end they were all still dancing and celebrating and nina and usnavi just ran away as fast as they could because... because you guys know what just happened. also, this is the moment i started crying.

i was so scared of it. let me tell you one thing, i experienced abuela's death at least fifty times and i still cry every single time. so atención is something i have to mention, because all the emotions and kevin's shaky voice made me burst into tears right away, and this time i wasn't the only one because i saw a lot of people crying when they realized what happened (i also heard a lot of OHs when he said abuela passed away, so yes, most of them didn't know this story and they were surprised). and alabanza was something else. believe me when i tell you i am writing this with tears in my eyes, i have never cried so much in public. this was the moment i was the most scared of and i was absolutely right because holy fuck. i was a mess. all the actors with those candles singing alabanza a doña claudia! (yes, they didn't translate it, all the spanish parts were left like in the original version and i am so grateful for that), it was just so sad and so beautiful. and this time i was actually like oh, they get it now (everyone was speechless and people were crying).

everyone must know at this point how much i adore champagne and i wasn't disappointed (thank god!). once again, usnavi was absolutely adorable here and people were actually laughing this time (also thank god!). how do you get this gold shit off? (my favourite line from the whole musical) was translated really well and the moment when usnavi and vanessa kissed! with all lights on them! this was so emotional and the audience reacted so well! we were all clapping (it was so funny to pretend like i didn't know it was gonna happen haha i was just as excited as all of them and once again i was like OH! THEY GET IT!). 10/10, would recommend.

if you think i wasn't crying during the last song, think again. one thing i absolutely hate about the movie version is that they actually changed the graffiti that made usnavi stay in washington heights, but i'm not gonna talk about that and i'm not gonna talk about vanessa also being there in the movie. in the original version it was a portrait of abuela claudia made by graffiti pete and oh boy, i lost my mind (i knew about it but i still lost my mind because it was absolutely beautiful). i got the feeling it was a little rushed in our polish version, but i can forgive them because it still made me cry. also, at the very end, usnavi did not only finally acknowledge he's home, when the song was over he pretty much told the audience that we are all home right now and may i just say... i felt that. i was home. they made me believe for the first time in my life i was where i belong, and somehow that was everything.

one thing about me is that this is actually all new to me. this was my first musical i saw live in theatre (and also lin's first child, which is exactly how it was supposed to be i think), and believe me when i tell you i've never had this much fun in my entire life, not even at all the concerts of my favourite artists. it was worth every money. it was worth spending 11 hours on the train and 11 more on my way back home, which by the way we should normalize (people are doing crazy things just to see their favourite artists on the stage and it's considered normal, so why can't we consider THIS normal?). anyway, i don't expect anyone around me to understand it the way i do, but i feel like i really found my thing, and it's all because of lin-manuel miranda, our beautiful puerto rican genius. he made me believe musicals can be cool and i truly wish i could thank him for that one day.

and like i said, in the heights is my favourite story with my favourite characters and i listened to it so many times i have memorized all the little details. experiencing it live is something completely different tho and i think it's safe to say this was the best night of my entire life. even tho most of the people in the audience didn't really get it, i finally felt like i was a part of this world created by my favourite genius and for the first time ever i felt understood. so i think i can say that now: i found my island, guys, i'm there, i'm home!

[a-man-for-hire-and-his-archives]

Australian & New Zealand Author Showcase No 20 – Luke Arnold

February 9, 2024 by Charlie Cavendish

An idea squeezed into my head in 2023, after seeing so many of the book community gathering at conventions across the US and UK. And once my FOMO subsided, I got to thinking about who might be gathered together if we had similar conventions closer to home. Pending the master planning required to arrange a massive convention, I thought the next best thing might be to run an Australian & New Zealand author showcase. So, I sent out the call, with the only prerequisite for participating being the author had to have been born in either country or currently live there.

Its now 2024 and the Aussie / New Zealand Author Showcase is gathering steam again. Just when I thought it was over even more talent has emerged, at this rate its threatening to become year long event! I will continue to post their individual showcases at regular intervals. So hopefully you will enjoy these interactions with some very talented people. Please be sure to check out their work, sign up to their newsletters and follow them on their social media of choice. I make no apologies for any damage inflicted to your TBR’s!

Showcase No 20 finds me chatting with very talented Luke Arnold. Luke is the award-winning actor from projects such as Black Sails, Glitch and Never Tear Us Apart: The Untold Story of INXS as well as the author of The Fetch Phillips Archives; a series of fantastical detective stories which has third instalments to date.

Do you feel that being an Aussie / Kiwi (or residing there) influences your writing?

Absolutely. I didn’t leave Australia until I was in my twenties so, for better or worse, I was brought up with a distinctly Australian outlook. It’s something that can be easily mischaracterised and also requires some distance to properly understand. Being both a young and old country, we’re still finding ourselves, experiencing growing pains, and struggling with our identity.

At the same time, isolation and an abundance of natural resources means a lot of us are able to benefit from a high quality of life without working as hard as we’d need to in many other places in the world. I think a lot of Aussies know this in their bones, and it makes us nervous of “rocking the boat” for fear that we might lose the advantages we have.

This aversion to change has some embarrassing repercussions on relationships between European Australians and Australia’s First Nations People, as well as our treatment of immigrants and asylum seekers.

We have a different kind of national identity to other western countries like the USA or Britain. We’re still trying to play the underdog – the little colony down under that punches above its weight – but that persona no longer fits us the way it used to. These themes seep into all my work.

Fetch Phillips may have the outward appearance of a classic American hard-boiled hero, but he has an Australian heart. He’s someone who feels separate, a bit ignorant, reticent to become a leader, and happy to defer to those he sees as being older and more experienced. He values being humble and self-effacing, but there is safety in that identity.

It allows him to shirk responsibility and hide in the shadows, even when it should be his moment to step forward. He’s a man who didn’t grow up when he was supposed to and is struggling to come of age too late. I feel like Australia is going through the same thing.

What are some of the challenges being located so far away from the rest of the world, do have any tips for overcoming these?

When I was first trying to get published, I was lucky in that I was already working overseas and had some profile from my acting career. That’s a clear advantage I don’t take lightly. Though I’d always wanted to write, the thing that pushed me to finish my first manuscript was a desire to spend more time at home. My acting career was reaching a point where every job was in a different city, and I wanted to know that I could keep working creatively without needing to get on a plane. There are numerous advantages to being creative in Australia.

One thing that is easily overlooked is that we have more safety nets that some other countries. I really notice this when I’m in the US. It’s terrifying to have no money in America. Of course, cost of living is going up everywhere, but I still think there are more ways to find a balanced life in Australia where you can keep a roof over your head and be creative at the same time. Yes, it’s a smaller market and it can be hard to break out overseas, but if the goal is to live a creative life where you do the thing you love without panicking that someone’s going to kick you out on the street, this is one of the best places in the world to establish yourself.

Personally, I know I couldn’t have survived as a young actor long enough to build my career without the support systems that Australia offers.

3. How do you go about establishing connections in the book community? (any tips / suggestions)

I’m terrible at this. My first two novels came out in 2020 when we were all locked inside, and I’ve only met a handful of other authors in person. So of course, social media is a huge asset.

I mostly rely on creatives I’ve known for a long time. Every couple of weeks, I catch up with an author friend, Steven Lochran, I’ve known since high school, and we read each other’s stuff and discuss what we’re working on. I have a number of other people, some writers some not, who I use as beta readers when they have the time.

Finding your own colleagues that you trust and feel comfortable to share your work with is more important than trying to network your way onto tables with notable people in the industry. If you do good work, then that will happen naturally.

4. Do you have a favourite character to write? And conversely are there any of your characters that are the more of a struggle?

Fetch is fun because he still surprises me. There’s a lot of me in him, and he’s dumb enough that I can stuff my own fears and ideas into his head and have him try and make sense of things. It’s always harder when I have to write someone more intelligent – someone who might have the answers he seeks – because then I need to get ahead of my own pondering and come to some conclusions. Perhaps that’s why everyone is fallible in my world, and even those who seem to have the answers will likely fall to pieces before the end of the story.

5. So aliens finally reveal themselves to us and your work is presented to them as example of what humanity has to offer, what do you hope they will take away from this intergalactic exchange?

I hope they’d see that we’re flawed, confused, vulnerable little things, and yet we keep trying to be better. Individually and collectively. My books are noir in tone, but the point isn’t to say that we’re all broken and corrupt. It’s about celebrating the way we keep trying to be good, even in the face of terrible darkness. Even when we’ve made mistakes that should he unforgivable. Even when the pressure – both without and within – feels like it’s going to crush us. Hopefully, if they’re looking at the state of things right now, it might help them see that we’re not completely lost.

6. Tell us something about yourself that not many people know?

In this relentlessly online world, it’s hard to think of something that isn’t already out there. So I’m trying to think of something obscure. Maybe I’ll share that I play a bit of Beat Saber in VR and I’m determined get to the top of the leader board for Billie Eilish’s Happier Than Ever (normal difficulty). I’m broken the top 100 but I’m gunning for a top ten spot.

What would you say is the best thing about being an author and the worst?

The best thing is that your work is all yours. There are very few creative endeavours out there where you can give so much of your internal world to another person. While our editors and publishers are integral, it’s not the same collaboration as making a film or playing a song with a band. This is all you.

The worst thing is that your work is all yours. You can get feedback and guidance, but it’s only your name on the cover. You must write every word, alone, without anyone encouraging you or sharing the load. Every time I write a book, I’m struck by what a monumental act of faith it is. One word after the other, day after day, for months, hoping that by the end it will be at all interesting to anyone else. Some days I can’t write a text to someone without crumbling under self-doubt, but then I have to find the motivation to pump out a few thousand words of fiction.

And at the end of it all, when someone else enjoys the finished product, they will also be alone, somewhere far away, playing out the story in their own head, and you’ll be completely oblivious to how it’s making them feel. It requires a level of self-belief that is easier to summon some days more than others.

8. Any other Aussie / Kiwi creatives you’d like to give a shout out for? (let’s spread the love)

I’m embarrassed to say that my reading really dropped off over the last year, but if you want some more noir, this time with a sci-fi twist, the 36 Streets by T.R.Napper’s is a fantastic cyberpunk story set in future Vietnam.

And I finally jumped into Maria Lewis’s The Rose Daughter and am bloody loving it.

9. What’s your favourite quote or passage from one of your books?

Shit. The ones I love one day, I cringe at the next. The chapters about Fetch’s love interest, Amari, in The Last Smile in Sunder City still hold a special place for me though. They were the first pieces I felt confident sharing with other people.

There’s a part where Fetch just lists the days they spent together. As the series continues, I have to keep returning to it to make sure that if I allude to an encounter between Fetch and Amari, it’s related to one of the occasions included in that list. It’s simple, and Fetch doesn’t include much emotion or embellishment, but every time I go back to it, that tragic romantic melancholy gets back under my skin.

9. What’s your favourite quote or passage from one of your books?

Shit. The ones I love one day, I cringe at the next. The chapters about Fetch’s love interest, Amari, in The Last Smile in Sunder City still hold a special place for me though. They were the first pieces I felt confident sharing with other people.

There’s a part where Fetch just lists the days they spent together. As the series continues, I have to keep returning to it to make sure that if I allude to an encounter between Fetch and Amari, it’s related to one of the occasions included in that list. It’s simple, and Fetch doesn’t include much emotion or embellishment, but every time I go back to it, that tragic romantic melancholy gets back under my skin.

10. What can you say about your current project or what you are planning next?

The fourth instalment of The Fetch Phillips Archives is in the editing phase, and I’m really excited to get it in people’s hands. I’ve enjoyed the fact that Fetch has not yet lived up to being either a hard-boiled detective or a fantasy hero. His guilt, self-doubt, and insecurity have taken his investigations (and in some cases the plot of the books) off the rails. That was always intentional, and I found that journey interesting to write, but Book 4 is a different beast. Fetch is still a problematic guy, but he’s put himself together enough to tackle his next case with more determination. So, for the first time, we have a more focused narrative revolving around a single string of murders. There are a lot of rewarding moments in this one for readers who were hoping Fetch might eventually catch a break.

But it’s still noir, so don’t except all sunshine and roses. Just a mystery where the main character isn’t getting in his own way quite so much.

Bonus Question:  Lastly Vegemite* yes or no?

Absolutely. Thin layer with plenty of butter. It’s not something I crave when I’m away from home but get me back in the Aussie bush and I’ll be searching for a jar in no time.

* An iconic dark salty spread that (most) Australians slap on toast for breakfast (NB explanation for the rest of the world)

Author Bio:

Luke Arnold was born in Australia and has spent the last decade acting his way around the world, playing iconic roles such as Long John Silver in the Emmy-winning Black Sails, Martin Scarsden in the screen adaptation of Chris Hammer’s Scrublands, and his award-winning turn as Michael Hutchence in the INXS mini-series Never Tear Us Apart. When he isn’t performing, Luke is a screenwriter, director and novelist.

He has published three books in The Fetch Phillips Archives, with the fourth instalment on the way. He performs the audiobooks for all his works, and The Last Smile in Sunder City was nominated for Best Fantasy at the 2021 Audie Awards.

Book/ Series Links

Social Media Links

@longlukearnold on Insta, X, and TikTok

Source: FanFi Addict

[theficpusher]

You Smell Like by mystic_believexx | M | 185369 For her part, Jay took everything in her stride, barely batting an eyelid when Louis came into the kitchen the night Harry left and said, “I seem to have accidentally become the pack’s Alpha”. Ever since Harry left town, Louis’ found himself with the role of pack Alpha, despite being human. So he can’t wait to hand over the reins when Harry returns. Except, it’s not quite that simple… OR The one where Louis is the Alpha’s mate and everyone is aware of it except for Louis and Harry. Go figure!

the school of extraordinary lovers by stylinsoncity | M | 191036 "We keep telling the other, I love you and I love you, and we do, though we both know where the knives are." - Laura Van Prooyen harry is a third-year witch and violinist at Laitswold, the only magical academy in the UK, with dreams of taking on the world, and hopefully breaking the centuries-old curse on his family while he's at it. he does not dream of facing off against his childhood rival and duet partner, but louis is back in town after six years abroad, so that's exactly what happens.

Darling, so it goes by disgruntledkittenface | E | 195312 Harry Styles is a world-famous actor at the height of his career but a personal low point when he meets His Serene Highness Prince Louis of Monaco by chance. He doesn’t think they’ll ever see each other again, but after striking up a correspondence, it turns out they have more in common than he thought. Then they start to fall for each other. Louis is different from anyone Harry has dated before and their relationship moves fast as Harry realizes he’s ready for a change. Soon Harry finds himself adapting to an entirely new life, in a country where he doesn’t know the rules, the customs, even the language. Harry is used to people underestimating him, and he’s more determined than ever to prove them wrong. He just needs Louis to meet him halfway. Grace Kelly AU.

Angels Fly by LilyBlue28 | nr | 203082 Harry is a lonely omega in the North Western White River Pack who is uncharacteristically drawn to nature and his now outdated primal instincts. He fills his days with going through the motions and clinging to the one actual friendship he has in the omega Zayn, and when he gets a chance he sneaks away to the edge of their territory to sit with the trees and the wildlife and sketch his favorite part of the river. But what happens when one day he spots the pack alpha, Louis, having an intimate moment with something, or someone, unexpected? Suddenly his quiet, nearly invisible existence gets upended, and secrets he never wanted to know quite literally won't leave him alone, and even when he tries to stay away, he keeps being pulled back into Louis' turbulent orbit. A magical love story featuring a generations long grudge, a menacing curse, and secrets that keep pulling them apart. Will they be able to find a way back to one another through the dark?

Collision by itjustkindahappened | E | 226294 Mythology/Fairytale!AU in which Louis is a dainty fairy with a temper who wants to be intimidating and Harry hurts people. Naturally, they hate each other. (Featuring Liam, the big and not-so-bad wolf who’s got a thing for humans, Zayn, a human with supernaturally good looks, and Niall, the cupid who just wants his job to be easier.)

You Can Hear It In The Silence by Imogenlee | E | 234846 When Harry Styles received acceptance into a post-grad degree, he knew he could no longer afford his flat leaving him with three options: 1) Moving back into student halls. 2) Becoming homeless. 3) Moving in with his best (and only) friend, Niall, and three of Niall's other friends. He ended up choosing the third option. But it was a close race. Shame one of his new housemates reminded him why he only has one friend. If Louis Tomlinson had to choose one thing couldn't stand, it would be pretentious tossers, having grown up around enough of them. If he had to choose something he couldn't live without, it would be his friends. So he was proper thrilled to move in with his best mates and a couple of other lads. That was until he discovered one of them was the archetype for a pretentious tosser. In the interest of seeing out the twelve-month lease without killing each other, they both try (debatable) to get along despite believing they were opposite in almost every conceivable way, each having the communication skills of a cucumber, and secrets that had no business be kept secret.

The Things I Don't Ask by thisonegoes | E | 266670 Foster Montgomery Preparatory School is a sight to behold. Beautiful buildings in front of a beautiful Appalachian backdrop, a rich history, behind wrought iron gates with the carefully chosen Latin motto at the very top: “strenuis ardua cedunt.” “The heights yield to endeavor.” The price tag for such a distinguished and revered institution, for tuition, room, and board is $56,250. A year. A boarding school AU that features two boys who can never say how they really feel.

Remember Me Before You by kingsofeverything | E | 293820 Desperate to find a new place to live after he comes home to find his boyfriend cheating, Harry moves into a loft with three strangers. A New Girl AU.

Of Mates and Men by bananaheathen | E | 630460 In which, Louis and Harry meet as best men for their best friends' wedding... well... sort of. Or, the one where Harry's just moved back from New York and Louis doesn't believe in romance. Or, I guess... the one where Zayn and Liam are getting married.

[thommi-tomate]

Interview with Lee PT.2

By: GQ Deutschland

You lived in Manchester for a long time. What differences do you see in terms of public and media reactions between Germany and England?

In both countries, there are media - and people - who like to pigeonhole others. That's certainly not the majority, but you have to accept it. In England, however, people find it easier to compliment you on an outfit. I do the same myself. If I like what a person is wearing, I tell them that - even if I don't know them at all.

You have been living in Germany again since 2020. How have you developed since your return?

I get a bit more attention here than I did in England - and that can be both positive and negative. In England, I was considered a talent and was just one of many players at Manchester City, so everything was a bit more relaxed for me there. Here I'm a German international. On the whole, though, I'm very happy with how everything has developed.

The public mood towards the national team has not been particularly good in recent years. With the test match victories against France and Belgium, this has changed completely. How are you looking forward to the tournament?

Especially now with the successes in preparation, my mood is good and the anticipation is great. That has a lot to do with the fact that it's a home European Championship. You can only take part in something like this once in your football career, if at all. In sport, everything happens very quickly. If you lose, everything is bad, if you win, everything is great. We can put that into perspective. National coach Julian Nagelsmann always makes sure that the mood in the team is good and that we get on better and better with each other on the pitch. That's how the European Championship can take on a very special dynamic with the fans and those around us and take us a long way - hopefully all the way to the title.

Unfortunately, you yourself were suspended for the games against France and the Netherlands. Were you still able to get involved?

Definitely. It was very important for me to be with the boys again. The atmosphere within the team was already good beforehand and the coach always managed to ensure that we were relaxed and extremely focused at the same time. I'm very pleased that this has been reflected in the results and that we now have new momentum. This will hopefully carry us through the entire preparation period and well into the European Championships.

Especially at such a big tournament, it is important for success that the structure in the dressing room is right. At the age of 28, you are no longer one of the young guns. What does that mean for your position within the team?

As you get older and more experienced, you look at how you can help and support the young players. Especially in my position as an attacking midfielder, there are lots of opportunities. I'm certainly not the one who always speaks up. But I try to be a leader on the pitch - a player who brings momentum and who the others can follow. We have a very good mix of experienced and young players, from which both sides can benefit.

One big change is that Toni Kroos has returned to the national team. His qualities on the pitch are well known, but how important can he be for the team in the dressing room?

In the dressing room, he is someone that all the other players look up to. He has achieved so much that his successes give him a special status. He's incredible on the pitch, he doesn't let anything get him down. Even when things aren't going well, he's always focused. You just look at him and you know you don't have to worry. He shows us that we always have it in our own hands to turn a game around. What's more, he can really intimidate the opposition with his presence. He helps us a lot and is just incredibly good for the team.

You mentioned that you yourself are more of a quiet type. You can also see that on the pitch and it's something that critics sometimes accuse you of. Is that something you're working on?

It's in my nature to focus on myself first. But now I try to show more often that I always give my all. As an attacking player, I have less of an overview of the pitch than someone in defensive midfield. As a result, I can hardly intervene in an orderly fashion. But I can lead the way and get the others involved.

What do you expect from the European Championships?

Just being able to take part in a European Championship and represent your country is an extraordinary experience. The fact that it is taking place in your home country only makes the whole thing even greater. It's a good opportunity to be carried away and pushed by the euphoria. Of course, there is a risk that the pressure will be particularly high, but I'm just really looking forward to the tournament. I have great expectations of myself, of the team, and of course the greatest thing would be to win this title with the national team in my own country.

This euphoria can inspire a team, but a setback can quickly turn the whole thing on its head

We shouldn't start worrying now about what will happen if we are eliminated. In the past, we've seen that the fans were euphoric and grateful even when the national team was eliminated in the semi-finals - because the players always gave their best.

That was the case at the "summer fairytale", the World Cup in 2006, which also took place in Germany. You were ten years old at the time and played for Schalke 04's youth team. What memories do you have of the tournament?

I can still remember it very well. No matter where you were, people would gather and watch the games. When Germany played, the streets were empty because everyone was cheering in front of the screen or in the stadium. As a young boy, I dreamed of being on the pitch when something like that happened. So I'm in the process of fulfilling a big dream. And of course my - our - biggest goal is to give people another great summer like this.

[familyofpaladins]

tmnt asks #2

When were you first introduced and what was your first reaction/thoughts on the franchise?

thank you for the ask!!! <3

this is a (hopefully)funnily long answer

SO, when I was little I used to go to an in-home daycare (meaning it was just one lady babysitting about 10 different kids). When I was little we got a whole two (2) channels to watch tv, because we lived out in the country and didnt (couldnt) pay for cable. My babysitter however DID have cable, so for the hour or two we were allowed to watch tv, TMNT (2003) was occasionally watched when ever it happened to be on during tv time. Once me and my siblings were old enough we stopped going to the babysitter and no more tmnt. I could not have told you much about what I remembered of the show from that time but I know I liked it. That was roughly around 2005 or 6, so the show was still ongoing.

Fast forward (pun not intended) another 4 or 5 years and my family moves. When we move I suddenly have access to over 20 channels. I spent a couple different Saturdays watching differnt saturday morning cartoons to find ones I liked. One of those channels hosted 4Kids Saturday morning cartoons. On one of my channel surfing escapades, I saw an advertisement of Tmnt, and remembered that I liked it before. So I started watching that channel. Now this was in 2009, so I'm not sure if Back to the Sewer was just airing or it was on repeats already, but I remember watching parts of fast forward and Back to the sewer. I even got to see Turtles Forever air on TV at the time!

Then they stopped doing reruns of it, and showed other shows and I forgot about 90% of the show.

I Did know that I liked the show. And that Either Leo or Mikey or maybe Don (I was indecisive lol) was my favorite. But not Raph. I didnt like Raph because he was always so mean to Mikey and picking on him. (And this is HILARIOUS now because, Raph is one of my favorite characters lol).

Fast forward another 10 years or so and I start seeing random stuff here on tumblr about Rise of the tmnt. I wasnt sure how to feel about the style/ fact that the turtles were all different species, but well I liked the other tmnt show, so I decided to go ahead and watch it.

I LOVED IT. I wasnt sure how I felt about Leo not being the leader at first, but I LOVED this Raph, and he was a good big bro and leader. At first I also didnt know how I felt about splinter, and didnt like how distant from the boys he seemed to be. But as the show went on I loved him more! I really liked the rise series and was sad that it ended.

Another year or two later I decided to rewatch the 2003 series since I didnt remember a whole lot of it. I honestly expected not to like it as much, or that watching it as an adult would make it seem silly. But it was serious!! It had EXCELLENT continuity! I had expected things in one episode to be forgotten in the next, but it wasn't!!! It was so good, I fell in love with it all over again, (and appreciated Raph much more this time round lol).

Chilled out with other media for about 6 months, then decided to watch the 1987 series for the heck of it, enjoyed it more than I thought i would (Turtles Forever, as much as I love the movie, did the 87 boys dirty).

I had seen a clip of the Batman vs tmnt movie here on tumblr, and couldnt find anywhere to watch it online. So when I saw it in a set of tmnt movies at the store I bought it.

Also included was the three 1990's movies and the TMNT 2007 movie.

I like the 90s movies a lot more than I thought I would, the puppetry was AMAZING, kudos to all the stunt guys fighting in those suits!

At that point of watching the 87 cartoon and all those movies, I became obsessed with the franchise and have been now for over a year lol.

I got the 2012 series on dvd and was worried I wouldn't like the 3D animation style, but I actually enjoyed it WAY MORE than I thought I would. They did fun things with the eyes and backgrounds which was cool.

Each iteration is so unique, and yet has so many ties to other versions, it's just a wonderful universe and I'm so happy to be here. :)

Am now realizing that all of that is WAY more than just "initial first thoughts of the franchise" lol. but yeah I think I just really liked the serious tone of the 2003 series when I was little and the fact that it wasnt a "baby show" that brb I was allowed to watch. And turtles are cool!! So yeah little me loved it and remembered it even though if you had asked little me to tell you anything about it, all I would have probably been able to say is "WATCH OUT FOR SHREDDER" from the theme song, and that Leo got hurt at one point and the others all told stories about him and that in raph's story they fought a giant crocodile.

[allinmycorner]

It's Season 33!

I didn't get a chance to watch the premiere live as I was on vacation in Disney World. I was off having fun in Hollywood Studios instead. But I'm back, I've seen it and there's still a good chance this will be a double post with the second episode.

But for now, let's get the season started!

The show opened with a big number featuring all our pros and the new troupe members. It's great seeing the troupe getting some love again. While they've been there in the background, it's time for them to shine again. After all, many pros started in the troupe and so who knows who will be the next breakout star from this group?

Alfonso and Julianne are back to host while our judging panel again is comprised of Carrie Ann, Derek and Bruno. Thirteen stars are competing for the Len Goodman Mirrorball Trophy. No one was eliminated in Week 1 so we get another week to get to know all 13 better.

So let's meet our stars as they dance to their personal anthems!

Chandler and Brandon: I'm not too familiar with Chandler as I don't watch Pretty Little Liars or the Zombies movies (though I do watch the Descendants ones) but I do like her. She's bubbly and sweet and has a good connection with Brandon. Her tango to Chappell Roan's "Hot to Go" has set the bar for the season - Carrie Ann even set so - and I look forward to seeing how she progresses. I'm definitely rooting for her.

Dwight and Daniella: They really like pairing Daniella with tall contestants, don't they? I think Jason has been the closest in height to her. If Iman towered over her, Dwight is practically a giant next to her at 6'11. Thankfully they had the salsa first so that allowed Dwight to ease into dancing before they had to worry about hold. Daniella has gotten better about letting her contestant shine and this was no different. Dwight is definitely an early frontrunner and showed "This is How We Do It."

Joey and Jenna: Have we ever had a Bachelor and a Bachelorette on the same season before? Anyway, Joey opened the show with a cha-cha to "Dancing in the Country" and did a pretty good job. It's hard to be the very first contestant out and he handled it well. He shows promise and has a good connection with Jenna, which is always important. I think Joey will make the Bachelor franchise proud.

Stephen and Rylee: Stephen captured America's hearts during the Paris Olympics and was the first contestant announced, getting people excited. I know we left the word "adorkable" back in the 2000s but he is the living embodiment of it. He is not afraid to be a giant nerd and to be just so likeable. He and Rylee are a good pairing and he handled his jive to "Don't Stop Me Now" very well. Of course there's still things for him to improve but I think he could give Dwight a run for his money.

(Also don't worry - the show has confirmed the glasses he throws off in tribute to his move in the Olympics are prop ones and that Alfonso holds his real ones during the routine).

Danny and Witney: Welcome back, Witney! It's nice to have her back in the ballroom and she is already doing well with NFL star Danny. They had a tango to start off their time on the show, dancing to "A Bar Song (Tipsy)." I'm not sure the song really lent itself to a tango but they had a pretty good routine anyway. Danny is showing promise and hopefully he can improve as the weeks go on.

Jenn and Sasha: Jenn was the last contestant added to the show. Sasha was not even going to perform this season but I'm glad he is. Fresh off her heartbreak after her choice on The Bachelorette didn't work out, Jenn is ready to dance her troubles away. I think choosing "Flowers" by Miley Cyrus was a good choice and she showed promise with her cha-cha, especially as it seems she had less time than the others to rehearse. Will we have a Bachelor and a Bachelorette going head-to-head for the Mirrorball Trophy? I guess only time will tell.

Phaedra and Val: Phaedra has confidence and is fun to watch. I think Val is a good foil for her and will be able to help her harness her energy and passion to help her improve as a dancer. She already had some moves with her cha-cha to "I'm Every Woman" - even Derek felt the sensuality she brought to it as Bruno had to remind him he is married. (I imagine Hayley laughing at home and nodding along). Will she be the first Real Housewife to claim the Mirrorball trophy? Her competition is tough and so to quote the great prophet Magic 8 Ball: "Answer hazy."

Anna and Ezra: And we come to Anna. I'll be honest, I was not pleased with the decision to include her in this season. Dancing With the Stars can be a second chance for people but I didn't think it was right for her. However, I decided to see if she would surprise me. She did not and I realized the issue I had - she showed no remorse. We saw more remorse from Olivia Jade than Anna. I feel bad that she is Ezra's first partner as a pro but he is doing his best with her. Her cha-cha to "Espresso" wasn't bad even with her ankle monitor but when Carrie Ann noted that there was a noticeable shift in the ballroom's energy when Anna came out, I doubt the votes will be there to keep Anna. She might only be saved depending on how Eric and Reginald do next week since she does have some dance ability.

Brooks and Gleb: I like Brooks. I think she might be holding back in the package so hopefully she gets more comfortable soon but otherwise, I like her. I also like her and Gleb together and that they handled the tango to "Piece of Me" well. I do wonder if they had the same problem as Danny and Witney in that their song choice may not have been a good fit for the tango but they did their best. It's Week 1 so I think we can be a little lenient on the contestants for now.

Ilona and Alan: Every so often, Dancing With the Stars introduces me to someone I wish I had known before because they are awesome. This season, I believe it's Ilona. She's likeable and relatable and challenging our concepts of femininity. I'm glad she chose Shania Twain's "Man! I Feel Like a Woman" for her cha-cha. She felt a little stiff but I chalk that up to nerves and I think that she'll get better with Alan's guidance. I hope so because I want to watch her for a long time!

Tori and Pasha: Tori reveals that the producers have been trying to get her on Dancing With the Stars since the very beginning but she's turned them down until now. However, her divorce changed everything and she wanted to show her children that you can pick yourself up again. She and Pasha dance a foxtrot to "Trustfall" by P!nk and it's an appropriate song choice. I think she has some work to do but she could end up doing well if she puts in the work.

Reginald and Emma: It's Carl Winslow! You know, I once saw him on stage in "A Christmas Carol" at Madison Square Garden. He played the Ghost of Christmas Present and was great in it. He reveals he used to dance as a child and wants to get those skills back. He has a lot of work to do judging by his salsa to "Motwonphilly" but since he's in his 70s, it's understandable that he needs a little more time. He's a lot like Barry Williams so maybe he'll have a long run too.

Eric and Britt: Eric was a little stiff in his cha-cha to "Old Time Rock and Roll" and needs to get some lessons from Barry. Even Reginald moved a bit more than him. Maybe it was just nerves and Britt can help him loosen up. Or else he might be the reason Anna gets to dance another week.

And that ends the first episode of Season 33! It's shaping up to be another good one, with one big exception. But we'll see how that plays out.

Next time, our contestants will celebrate the movies on Oscars Night and someone will go home. See you then!