#Wow that was long sorry lol

[familyofpaladins]

tmnt asks #2

When were you first introduced and what was your first reaction/thoughts on the franchise?

thank you for the ask!!! <3

this is a (hopefully)funnily long answer

SO, when I was little I used to go to an in-home daycare (meaning it was just one lady babysitting about 10 different kids). When I was little we got a whole two (2) channels to watch tv, because we lived out in the country and didnt (couldnt) pay for cable. My babysitter however DID have cable, so for the hour or two we were allowed to watch tv, TMNT (2003) was occasionally watched when ever it happened to be on during tv time. Once me and my siblings were old enough we stopped going to the babysitter and no more tmnt. I could not have told you much about what I remembered of the show from that time but I know I liked it. That was roughly around 2005 or 6, so the show was still ongoing.

Fast forward (pun not intended) another 4 or 5 years and my family moves. When we move I suddenly have access to over 20 channels. I spent a couple different Saturdays watching differnt saturday morning cartoons to find ones I liked. One of those channels hosted 4Kids Saturday morning cartoons. On one of my channel surfing escapades, I saw an advertisement of Tmnt, and remembered that I liked it before. So I started watching that channel. Now this was in 2009, so I'm not sure if Back to the Sewer was just airing or it was on repeats already, but I remember watching parts of fast forward and Back to the sewer. I even got to see Turtles Forever air on TV at the time!

Then they stopped doing reruns of it, and showed other shows and I forgot about 90% of the show.

I Did know that I liked the show. And that Either Leo or Mikey or maybe Don (I was indecisive lol) was my favorite. But not Raph. I didnt like Raph because he was always so mean to Mikey and picking on him. (And this is HILARIOUS now because, Raph is one of my favorite characters lol).

Fast forward another 10 years or so and I start seeing random stuff here on tumblr about Rise of the tmnt. I wasnt sure how to feel about the style/ fact that the turtles were all different species, but well I liked the other tmnt show, so I decided to go ahead and watch it.

I LOVED IT. I wasnt sure how I felt about Leo not being the leader at first, but I LOVED this Raph, and he was a good big bro and leader. At first I also didnt know how I felt about splinter, and didnt like how distant from the boys he seemed to be. But as the show went on I loved him more! I really liked the rise series and was sad that it ended.

Another year or two later I decided to rewatch the 2003 series since I didnt remember a whole lot of it. I honestly expected not to like it as much, or that watching it as an adult would make it seem silly. But it was serious!! It had EXCELLENT continuity! I had expected things in one episode to be forgotten in the next, but it wasn't!!! It was so good, I fell in love with it all over again, (and appreciated Raph much more this time round lol).

Chilled out with other media for about 6 months, then decided to watch the 1987 series for the heck of it, enjoyed it more than I thought i would (Turtles Forever, as much as I love the movie, did the 87 boys dirty).

I had seen a clip of the Batman vs tmnt movie here on tumblr, and couldnt find anywhere to watch it online. So when I saw it in a set of tmnt movies at the store I bought it.

Also included was the three 1990's movies and the TMNT 2007 movie.

I like the 90s movies a lot more than I thought I would, the puppetry was AMAZING, kudos to all the stunt guys fighting in those suits!

At that point of watching the 87 cartoon and all those movies, I became obsessed with the franchise and have been now for over a year lol.

I got the 2012 series on dvd and was worried I wouldn't like the 3D animation style, but I actually enjoyed it WAY MORE than I thought I would. They did fun things with the eyes and backgrounds which was cool.

Each iteration is so unique, and yet has so many ties to other versions, it's just a wonderful universe and I'm so happy to be here. :)

Am now realizing that all of that is WAY more than just "initial first thoughts of the franchise" lol. but yeah I think I just really liked the serious tone of the 2003 series when I was little and the fact that it wasnt a "baby show" that brb I was allowed to watch. And turtles are cool!! So yeah little me loved it and remembered it even though if you had asked little me to tell you anything about it, all I would have probably been able to say is "WATCH OUT FOR SHREDDER" from the theme song, and that Leo got hurt at one point and the others all told stories about him and that in raph's story they fought a giant crocodile.

[fastman27]

Dragon doodles

[surreal-duck]

master artist and his number one fan

guy who is being so normal about the new additions to their profiles. i think abt midoris initial infatuation with his art slowly developing into appreciating yuzuru himself as a person and idol to the point he worries about how he sees him (ex: a bit of home party and in workplace survival rules) sometimes thats a lie i think about it a lot. and yuzuru learning to enjoy art just for the sake of drawing!! seeing the lets try diy story where he doesnt even refute drawing on midoris desk and was only worried that his doodles might cover up the mascot design compared to how discouraged he usually would be in earlier ! stories. everything to me i adore their dynamic if that wasnt obvious by *gestures to basically everything*

and happy pride month 🏳‍🌈

[fuzzbuns]

Misc other stuff

[lilbittymonster]

Glamtober Day 10: Cowboy

If it took more than one shot, you weren't using a Jakobs.

Weapon: Sthalmann Special

Head: Gaganaskin Hat of Aiming

Body: Pioneer's Coat (Kobold Brown)

Hands: Pioneer's Gloves

Legs: Rinascita Poleyns of Aiming (Loam Brown)

Feet: Wrangler's Boots

[himbohimhoe]

Holding out hope that the writing in veilguard will get more bearable but rook saying to lucanis that it's "not nice that Spite hurt him" and he "shouldn't accept that it’s fine bc it wouldn't be ok if a person did that" like. That is a demon. Built off a single emotion called SPITE. Rook I am finding it really hard to believe that u have lived in thedas for more than 30 seconds.

[fulcrum-art-fox]

The way Mizu and Akemi are operating on this fundamental misunderstanding of each other’s situation is so fascinating or I guess more like they each see a single facet of each other and assume it is the whole, and operate on that. Like Akemi doesn’t know Mizu; doesn’t know anything about her as a person, doesn’t know about the revenge quest, has no idea about Mizu’s secret and how that affects things, and Mizu has a very particular opinion about Akemi and her status as princess and her wealth and privilege and seems to completely disdain this jaunt to freedom of Akemi’s and just sees her as this pampered princess who only cares about herself. But then the Thousand Claws attack, and Akemi kills for her and saves her life in the brothel. Now there’s a bond of mutual survival as the battle rages and you think maybe they’re coming to a deeper understanding of each other, maybe Akemi is beginning to see and appreciate Mizu as more than a demon or even just Taigen’s rival, and maybe Mizu is beginning to see and to respect Akemi’s adventurous and tenacious spirit, and then her fathers men show up. And Akemi is all “I’m not going anywhere right Mizu” and even going so far as to order “get them” and Mizu’s going okay I just fought and killed nearly a hundred guys and I’m really badly injured and also exhausted and also no. And Akemi is so shocked like the look of utter disbelief when Mizu says “take her” is truly wrenching cos like you can see why she might expect Mizu to leap to her defence like he just fought an army to protect those at the brothel of course he’ll fight these three guys for me! But Mizu had a previous obligation to those at the brothel; she feels responsible. And the Claws were gonna kill them; and while Akemi’s father’s men will stick her back in the gilded cage, they are not going kill her, but they might kill Mizu if she takes Akemi’s part. Does Akemi even realise how she risks Mizu’s life in this moment, claiming her as her protector? Mizu does. You can see it, in the way Mizu’s glances at Akemi in the moment immediately following her order. Does Akemi not realise, or does she subconsciously accept this? Is it an expression of her privilege, that of course this honourable samurai should risk all to protect her? That’s what samurai do, right? They’re honourable. They protect people. But Mizu has openly rejected this, multiple times. She’s not here to be honourable. Protecting people is not her priority. She’s here for revenge. If she dies here, well Akemi still gets taken and she doesn’t get her revenge. So she does nothing. She lets it happen. I have a million thoughts about this

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

The whole discourse about the privacy/secrecy/support thing has been sitting with me for a few days (I mean other than it always does to a certain degree) thanks to all the excellent discussion happening and I know I'm not saying anything that hasn't been said a million times before, but I think what we're seeing and what we're going to learn (e.g. from TTPD) is that it wasn't just the support issue, but how it was shown/handled.

We've all gone out of our way to show that introversion =/= lack of support. Someone can be shy, reserved, etc. and still show up for their partner, whether in public or at home. To chalk any of the differences up to the clash between introversion and extroversion is unfair to folks who count themselves among either tbh.

@thisisctrying said something the other day that hit the nail on the head about how if that support had been offered in private, there very well may not have been a Joever to begin with, or at least not at this point in time. (Sorry for loosely paraphrasing, and for namedropping you! Long time listener, first time poster.)

If this were a case where the "shy" partner said, "I am really uncomfortable with the spotlight personally and do not want to court it, but I will support you in your ambitions and offer you whatever you need to make them happen and make the glare bearable," I suspect that would have gone a long way to making Taylor feel seen and comfortable in pursuing her goals in the way that she now has. Again, that might have been more akin to the balance that seemed to have been struck around 2019 from what we can see, but even speaking in a general sense, there are lots of couples out there, celebrity or not, that have similar approaches where there are highly driven people and busy careers involved.

(A famous example being Dolly Parton's marriage. Tbh I know next to nothing about her and Carl, but she's always heralded as an example in this regard, because her husband is famously uncomfortable with the spotlight and hasn't accompanied her to public events in decades, but she's said that she never minded that because that was always work to her, and what was important was that he supported her in pursuing all her career goals and basically ensured she had a place to call home to return to at the end of the day.)

We're kind of in a brave new world with her current relationship because it felt like, at least at the start, we were maybe watching her figure out her boundaries in real time as to what she was comfortable with or not and adjust accordingly. Like so many have said, I fully believe the extreme privacy thing was initially driven by herself and her experiences in 2016, and she needed that quiet time to recover from all of the things and figure out how to exist in the world again.

Stating the obvious, it seemed like eventually privacy was equated with secrecy, turning the relationship and the celebrity into the elephant in the room and something to never be spoken of to the outside world. People are free to choose whatever works best for themselves and their relationships, and for some the separate public lives might work, but the “kept me like a secret but I kept you like an oath” theme is all over her work and it’s clear that it’s a sore spot for her, because she’s been made to feel shame just for the life she leads so many times in the past.

What I’m trying to say is that it’s pretty obvious something Not Great was happening behind the scenes, which didn’t just amount to “she wanted to be a public celebrity and he wanted to be a private hermit.” (Also, in case anyone forgot, this is a person who also chose a public-facing career who also has to engage in press for it, but I digress.) As her career reached new heights post-folklore, if she had the support at home to do all the things without judgment and with encouragement, and in turn offer the same support to her partner, she may have very well lived just fine with that, not unlike Dolly Parton’s case.

By reading between the lines in all the press since, as well as comments on tour and general ~vibes~ with TTPD teasers, it seems like one of the issues was that that was likely not the case. There was all the stuff that we saw — the reticence to acknowledge each other in the media (particularly on one side), the lack of public support even at events at which they were both in attendance for their respective jobs, the great lengths they went to not to be photographed together at events they attended yet no problem taking pictures with other friends and coworkers, the jobs that separated them, the withdrawing from the public even for work accomplishments, etc. Which could all be manageable if a couple chooses to do so together and are not inherently a sign of trouble in themselves.

But what we’re seeing now I think is a reflection of the things we weren’t seeing then, and it seems to indicate some very deep hurt. (I know, call me Captain Obvious.) And like so many have been saying, it feels likely that that part of that hurt is rooted in that very lack of private support where a person would expect it from their partner. Obviously as a Taylor fan blog I’m going to be more inclined to understand her side of a story, but tbh, it’s also because… this is sooooooo common, and something I’ve experienced in my friend group. (@taylortruther is right when she says most breakups are the same one way or another lol.)

One partner is resentful of the other’s success, or resentful that the other’s priorities begin to evolve as new experiences unlock new goals, or feels the other’s ambitions are not worthy of pursuit, and coupled with perhaps their own struggles in the same domain, it’s easy to see where that can chip away at the other partner’s morale and faith in the relationship. I know I’m just speculating here, but I also don’t think it’s totally unfounded. (Again, because a) I’m picking up what she’s putting down and b) it happens to sooooooo many women even among us dull normals.)

With all the pointed mentions about how much Taylor feels supported in her current relationship and how she in turn loves to offer the same show of support to not only her partner but other loved ones, how she’s stepped out more in the last year to a whole host of events, how she’s mentioned feeling like she locked herself away for years and she’s just proud of her partner and happy she can show up for him even if the chaos around it is unsettling, it paints a picture of what perhaps was happening before last year.

To feel like you’re all alone in carrying the weight of the relationship (or burden of it), of twisting yourself into knots to accommodate the other person’s boundaries (or insecurities) but not feeling reciprocity for your own has to be so painful. (The idea that it may have been even darker and to have a partner not only be unreceptive to your own needs but even perhaps resentful/dismissive/belittling of them is even more painful to think of. I guess we’ll find out when TTPD comes out if that was the case, too.)

At a certain point, that lack of acknowledgement will force your hand to be able to reclaim yourself. And it feels like the further removed Taylor in particular is from it, the more she moves from being sad about the life she felt she gave up by leaving, to angry at the life she felt she was giving up by staying. Especially being in a relationship now where it seems like everything comes much easier, where she can be open about the person she’s with and show up for them, all the stuff that seemed as challenging as climbing Mount Everest in her past is nothing more than a molehill at best in her current life.

TL;DR: I don’t think it’s privacy that inherently spells doom for a celebrity relationship like this; it’s the mutual support and respect that does. If Taylor had felt that in the later years of her previous relationship, I think we could be seeing a different, though not necessarily unfulfilled, person right now in 2024, who’d be happy on tour but whose personal life would look a little different. But it seems like by losing that support she lost parts of herself, and we’ve seen her reclaim that in spades in the last year, and perhaps to degrees she didn’t even realize she could from before all the Bad Stuff started happening in her young adulthood.

I know this was extremely long-winded and unnecessary, especially about total strangers we only know through scraps fed through the media, but I just always bristle at this idea that issues like these boil down to “personality differences,” as though one person wants to live in a city and the other on a remote island, or some shit like that. The whole support (and gender tbh) issue is one that’s just very close to my heart because again, I have seen it play out with so many of my friends in long term relationships and marriages and I just think people in relationships (and women in particular in some circles) deserve better than to feel like they’re being, well, tolerated.

[honorhearted]

@socialseasons​ | continued from (x)

John was dead. No matter how many times Ben read and re-read Gregory’s frantic, pleading words, he couldn’t quite wrap his head around them -- couldn’t fathom why the boy believed Francesca needed his help. The malaise was too strong, he’d claimed. She would write home with pleasantries, but refused their mother’s fervent plea to come home and rest. 

But what could he do, Ben wondered? After his departure, he’d promptly cut off all ties with Francesca. Her letters arrived for many months, and despite his yearnings to correspond and keep himself abreast of her life, he’d selfishly discarded them into the fire, not even giving in to the temptation of opening them and reading what laid inside. A little over a year later, the letters finally stopped, and despite the undeniable hole in his heart from the loss of her friendship, he’d deemed their separation for the best. She had a husband now. She would soon have a family...

And now Francesca had nothing. She had no one in that big, empty manor, and despite Ben’s distance and lack of connection to her plight, he couldn’t help but feel responsible. He should’ve been there. He should have never let her face all this alone.

It was this guilt that fueled him into accepting Gregory’s secret invitation. Weeks onboard a cramped ship gave way to a stormy, unpleasant arrival with a chilling sense of foreboding. The wind whipped pellets of rain into his face, and waterlogged his clothes within moments of being on land. It was fitting, Ben thought. He was surely being tested for intervening where he was not welcome -- he was surely being punished with this tragedy of his own making.

By the time Ben pounded on the double doors to Francesca’s manor -- or rather, her husband’s -- it was late afternoon and he was shaking from the chill. Impatient, he shifted between using the door knocker and his fist, banging on the thick oak surface until it opened and revealed a servant with a cautious, disapproving scowl.

“Lady Francesca,” Ben choked out, abruptly lowering his fist. “Please...I need to speak with her.”

He knew he must appear bedraggled and untrustworthy at best, and his suspicions were confirmed once the woman denied him entry. 

“I’m sorry, but her ladyship is not currently admitting any guests,” she said.

She moved to close the doors, but Ben was quick to lodge his foot in between the wooden slabs. “Please,” he begged, “I’ve come out all this way...”

“And I’m sure she’d appreciate that,” the woman coolly said, “but I’m afraid you-”

“I was sent for!” Ben furiously cut in. “Please, you must let me through!” When the woman yet again moved to shut the doors, he used all his body weight to barrel in across the threshold, the servant’s shrill cry rising above the din as Ben breathlessly shouted, “Frannie! Fran, it’s me... Please. You must come down here!”

“Sir, please!” the woman growled. “If you don’t leave right this instant, I will have you thrown out by force!”

The commotion finally seemed to rouse someone’s attention. A woman appeared at the top of the staircase, and both Ben and the servant stopped in their tracks, the former feeling as though an awl had punctured him right between the ribs. It was her... It couldn’t be, and yet it was. The weight of womanhood carved itself across Francesca’s features, soft and refined, yet grief had mellowed out some of the brightness in her smile and the sparkle in her eyes. She was no longer sweet and carefree -- she was no longer a child, naïve and at fate’s mercy.

Finally, something seemed to register in Francesca’s face, and then she came rushing down the steps to meet him, her arms flinging around his neck and holding on tight. Forgotten was their small audience, and Ben stooped to properly embrace her, a lump in his throat as he passed his fingers through her hair and closed his eyes. “I’m so sorry,” he choked out. Please forgive me. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.

Words failed him in that moment -- after all, what could he say to a friend he’d so heinously abandoned? -- and pressing a kiss to her temple, he finally settled on asking what happened. Francesca went rigid against him, and her silence tore his heartstrings akin to knives as she lowered down to her proper height, her eyes scanning his face with clear confusion.

“Your husband,” Ben weakly explained. “Frannie, I didn’t know... Why didn’t you tell me?” 

You know exactly why. 

Pressing his lips inward, shame bled across his features and he swallowed, suddenly unable to return her gaze. “I...I don’t know what to say,” he finally admitted. It was true. He didn’t know what to say, and as tears filled his eyes, he was suddenly grateful to the rainwater masking his emotional turmoil. It was her -- it was really, truly her -- and somehow, it hurt nearly as much to have Francesca there with him as it did to be apart. Her hands were clasped in his own, and yet the weight of them didn’t feel real...couldn’t be real.

And then just like that, she pulled away from him. It was as though a curtain had been drawn, promptly closing off the warmth in her face as she reverted back to something colder, proper and guarded. Don’t hide from me, he wanted to plead, and yet he knew the sentiment was laughable. Had that not been what he, himself had done over the past four years? He’d once told Francesca she taught him not to run from his problems -- that he needed to face them -- and yet Ben was still running, even now.

While Francesca fussed over his wet clothes, he finally felt the chill in the significantly warmer foyer and shivered, guilt ribboning through him upon her question.

“I didn’t wish to be presumptuous,” he said, “so I do have an inn I can return to, should you prefer it. Caleb helped me with my last minute travels, so he’s presently staying there.” Wiping the rainwater from his face, Ben offered a feeble smile and quipped, “You know, all those years ago during your debut, you had quite the stunning entrance. I suppose I was well overdue.” In more ways than one.

Once Mary had left to prepare his room, Ben reached down and took hold of Francesca’s hand, his heart in his throat as he gave it a gentle squeeze. “I’ll stay,” he finally agreed. “For as long as you need me.”

[starspilli]

hey hi hello sorry if this is an annoying ask and ofc no pressure to answer it but I'm getting into the dc fandom and want to read some of the comics but am completely lost as to how/in what order/which ones to avoid/which ones to read. any tips? (also your art is amazing and I love it :D)

hi don’t worry i love this question!! & ty for the lovely compliment :,)

it’s a little hard for me to answer, i’ve been a fan of dc since i was very young & just reading whatever random comics my library had in stock LOL so its hard for me to think what i would do if i was getting into it from scratch & all at once. so just take what i say w a grain of salt lol

a lot of people recommend picking one character and just reading through their whole publication history, but i personally think it’s good to have an understanding of the broader universe first to avoid coming away with a distorted view of characters & stories. (ie i wouldn’t suggest just reading jason todd stories without reading general batman stuff first.)

i think what i would suggest is looking up a few reading guides for essential stuff, seeing what kind of stories, characters, themes etc you vibe with out of those, and then maybe looking more into specific characters / stories from that. the internet & tumblr especially is so great for this because even the most random d-list characters (affectionate) have people who love them so much they will make rly detailed reading lists which are great jumping on points!!

dc can be complicated at first glance because there’s so many reboots, but i’d say there’s a lot of runs that represent the characters & universe so well, or they’re so engrained in the lore that they’re sort of immune to retcons and rewrites so if you stick with those at first it gets a bit easier.

it’s also unfortunate because ‘essential’ reading doesnt always equal quality, and there are writers who really aren’t great people whose work is, unfortunately, very significant to certain characters. so just again. take this stuff with a grain of salt

i think if you look on google the essential reading for dc is very unanimously agreed on so there’s no point in me rehashing that, BUT long halloween & dark victory, all star superman & perez & rucka’s runs on wonder woman are pretty essential basic choices imo and i enjoy them. some more random choices off of my list of personal favs r: batman: the cult, under the red hood (obviously), batgirl (2000), task force z, justice league international (1988), bruce wayne: fugitive, catwoman: zero year, poison ivy (2022), robin: son of batman & john ostrander’s suicide squad.

as for how to read them, i know there’s a lot online but id suggest having a look in your local library to see if they have anything. i also rly like dc universe, they have a £5/month subscription for access to most of their archive which is very good & it lets you download them for offline reading as well !

if there are any characters/runs/stories you specifically would like to know more about pls send me another ask!! i hope this was helpful and not too convoluted/rambling lol. i love comics & talking about them so i never mind anons asking questions or wanting to talk about them god bles

[sheepieberry]

How did Kian and Xavier met in the first place? Was Kian a groupie, or just literally living his life?

Hi anon!!!! THANK U FOR ASKING AAAUGGHHHH I love those two sm

Kian was literally just living his life…. So here I mentioned before that Kian was sent away somewhere for awhile! He was actually sent to the US for 2 years!

Reasons being that before his parents had died he was under contract as a child model, but then you know, they died (big shoutout to Kians mom for that). He’s still under that contract but it’s been postponed due to him being underaged and grieving the lost of his family, Kian is put in foster care for awhile before eventually ending up in Baileys care, the relationship between them is rocky but Kian is meek and flinches away from hands, like a dog that been kicked one too many times, but a scared dog can still lash out, and that’s what happened with Kian, he did something Bailey didn’t like and had to pay for it, (he begs one of the only friends in town he has, someone not trapped under Baileys thumb the way he is, a sweet boy at the church for help, only to be met with averted eyes and a trembling frown, that’s the day Kian really wishes he had died with his family)

Kian gets sent away to the US, sent back to the company he had a contract under and in their care, he’s still a child after all, but he’s still Baileys property, that gives him comfort although it shouldn’t, it tells him he hasn’t been abandoned, not yet.

Kian is 16, a young and pretty thing with no proper adult around, it attracts the attention of all the wrong types of people, it attracts a man named Xavier.

Xavier is a star, a handsome man in his early 20’s, famous in his movies and for being a heartthrob with a gentle smile, he’s asked to model in a photoshoot with a partner, a small and soft wilting figure.

He meets Kian

More under the cut!!!! Tw for SA, Underage, drugging, Emotional and Physical abuse, attempted suicide

To Xavier, it’s almost infatuation at first sight, it’s romantic, it could be love

The shoot the photos, Kian doesn’t smell the way a boy his age should, he smells soft, sweet, like vanilla and peaches, it’s mouthwatering- Xavier wonders what kind of noise Kian would make if he bit hard enough to bleed, would he taste sweet?

It doesn’t take much for Xavier to convince a producer to,, scout Kian for a small role in a film Xavier’s plays in, Xavier isn’t a actor for nothing after all, soft smiles and touches, he can be kind to Kian, teach him the ropes and help him when he stumbles throughout the shoot, help him remember his lines and caress his head softly when he gets something right, a sugar sweet act that pays off when Kian stares up at him with shy mismatched eyes, pale face pink with flush and a smile, because Kian is young and dumb, and he’d do anything to feel important to someone

The movie is finished, it’s gonna be a hit, any movie with Xavier always is

A late night afterparty is planned, adults drinking and doing things they shouldn’t-

Kian is there, he shouldn’t be, but Xavier promised to take care of him, a warm hand against the low of his back, and Kian trusts him, why wouldn’t he? Xavier has done such a good job taking care of him these last few months after all. Kian trusts him, trusts him enough to find a drink he’s allowed in this party full of alcohol, trusts him enough to tell Xavier when he starts feeling bad, a throbbing pain in his skull and nausea brewing in his stomach, weak and woozy, he trusts Xavier to take him home-

Kian doesn’t go home that night, he doesn't go home for few nights.

Xavier helpfully tells Kians manager that the boy needs a break, poor thing, working so hard for others. It's a good thing Xaviers here, it gets lonely in this big house, he's happy to host Kian for as long as needed. And as he hangs up the phone it's all done, and Kian is his, even if just for awhile, Xavier smiles as he brushes back dark hair from a sweaty forehead, Kians such a pretty little thing, even more so like this, pliant and drugged up in Xavier’s bed, eyes unfocused and foamy drool escaping his mouth

"Une si jolie petite rose~" he whispers more to himself, he knows Kian can't hear him even if he wanted to, not in the state he's in, it doesn't matter though, Xavier will say it over and over again, just so Kian knows how much he's adored, and Kian stares, body unwilling to move as he stares at the ceiling, a body slotting itself between his legs

It doesn't take long for Xavier to start officially sponsoring Kian, everyone with a brain in the industry knows what that means, what it entails for a boy his age, Kian is 17 and he wonders how much it would hurt to die, if it would hurt at all when compared to living like this, if this even counts as living-

Xavier is sweet, he always is, he tolerates kians scratches and outbursts, his screams and his tears, he watches Kian flip through conflicting emotions, the strain it puts on him, he doesn't want Kian to break from the demons in his head, he'd prefer it at his own instead, he gets taken to the doctors and leaves with two things, a bag full of medicine bottles with names he can't pronounce and a diagnosis for BPD, looking at his history the doctors assume it's genetic, the car ride to Xaviers home is quiet

Kian thinks about his mom for the first time in years, and he let's Xavier pull him into a gentle embrace, let's Xavier hold him and he weeps, in the arms of a man who's done horrible, horrible things to him, but is the only one there to hold him like a child, the child Kian often forgets he still is

Hes softer after that, Kian, a saccharine smile and empty eyes, he let's Xavier touch all he wants and puts up no fuss, just a smile and a stare, the day of his 18th birthday Xavier gifts him earrings, a reminder of the dull ache in ears, Xavier had done them himself, Kian thanks him with a kiss, one of Kians own will, a first in these 2 years, Xavier thinks he'd break kians legs if it would mean spending the rest of their lives together, Xavier thinks he's in love, but there's only so much a man in love can do when he wakes up to an empty bed, looking around the house to see light from the bathroom and a boy bleeding and quiet in the tub, water a deep red and head lolled back, there's nothing much for him do to, throat rubbed raw from his yells, shaking hands phone for a hospital, for help, hands wet and red as he drags a far too cold body into his hands and prays for the first time in his life to a god that doesn't exist, cause if they did, a good merciful god would've never let Xavier touch Kian

Kian survives, but he's unconscious and weak, Xavier visits for a week straight, bouquets of flowers in tow everyday, until he comes into an empty hospital room

Word spreads quickly, especially to Bailey, it's no surprise the minute he knew his most profitable ward had fucked up yet again that he sends for Kian, he wakes up and isn't even given half a day of rest before he's loaded up to a plane back, woozy from pain dulling drugs, a familiar feeling, and finger tips almost blue and numb with how tightly wrapped those bandages are around his arms, but he's comforted by a single thought, Bailey wouldnt tell anyone about his wards mistakes, and Xavier would think that empty hospital room belonged to a dead boy

[cerealbishh]

"Maria and Rhett knew each other way back when, they went to high school together. (...)Yeah, I think the spark is immediate because I think they maybe, secretly, always wanted to be together."

"I think that it's one of those relationships that never happened and never was but it was almost. And, I think, spending so much time apart, one can tend to fantasize what could be. (...) All of that ease of them seeing each other again is right there and it's almost as if they never left each other's side." - Isa and Lew on Maria and Rhett in an interview with Down and Nerdy(x)

"I also love that I get to tell a story about love in this really crazy, scary world(...) and we really want to root for them!" - Isa in an interview with SciFi Vision(x)

[stealerofthe2ndbraincell]

what are your top 5 in9 episode endings?

Oooh I loved thinking about this, thank you! It was great re-examining these episodes specifically through that lens.

Honourable mentions to The Last Weekend and Bernie Clifton's Dressing Room. With the former I'd feel like I was repeating myself a bit.

5. The Bones of St. Nicholas

When making this list, this was tied with BCDR but I feel like TBOSN is incredibly underrated so I thought I might as well.

With the frequent flashes back to different "Warning's" Jasper was given in regards to his fate, this episode could have easily felt like it was spoon feeding details to you. Imo it avoids that completely.

I really like the decision to not make whatever supernatural force is involved explicit in nature or even that malevolent. Granted the motorbike accident with Posy and Jasper's hanging still happens, but the narrative doesn't seem to paint them as a result of evil intent.

We as the audience get to see exactly how Jasper ended up in that situation and, although his actions to reach St. Nicholas' jawbone were quite extreme, it still feels understandable how Jasper never picked up on those clues even when they're in your face - similar to the audience. He's realising what's going on at the same time as the audience.

I think this ending does an excellent job at using those flashbacks to give the audience just the right amount of information without forcing it down your throat and removing the mystery entirely.

Finally, the last bit of Jasper hanging from the tower as the other shoe drops (>:) ) was superb.

4. To Have And To Hold

The concluding shot of Adrian in chains reaching for the pot noodle is fully seared into my mind.

This isn't an ending I would call that positive, considering the surrounding circumstances and context. For example, Agnes telling Harriet that she should have left Adrian to die and reminding her of how long her torture went on for at the hands of him really reflects how not happy of an ending it is. Things are definitely better, but Adrian is still present. That uncomfortable air never vanishes.

However, it is an ending that is incredibly satisfying regardless. I think a lot of it has to do with Nicola Walker's excellent performance and that chilling recollection of the marriage vows she does before the final revelation of what has become of Adrian.

3. Mr. King

Describing it as the "ending" is pushing it a bit as the whole reveal actually takes up the last 7 minutes of a 29 minute episode, but I do really love how this one ends so I'm taking some liberty with that. lol

I love the Wickerman-esque ritual so much.

This ending makes sure to take what it's doing seriously, because otherwise it would be at risk of not matching the menacing atmosphere it contains. For example, the reveal that the criteria Alan had matched for this was having good dick and being "uncut and still sheathed" would be easy to take as ridiculous if the scene did not take it as seriously as it did - with that doll being stuffed down his trousers really driving that home.

The costume design for this ending twist is absolutely incredible. The children's masks still manage to remain intimidating within the context of the ritual sacrifice even though they are clearly made from arts and crafts materials children that age would realistically use. Winnie's entire "Mother Womb" outfit is genuinely horrifying and I'm mildly surprised they were able to get away with that in front of the child actors cause that would give me nightmares at that age. Finally, Alan's "Mr. King" mask used in the ending is so excellently made with tons of little details that I love: the little eye slits where all you get to see of his face is truly how terrified Alan is in that moment, the crown and facial hair being made seemingly from wheat to tie his sacrifice even closer to the incoming harvest etc etc.

This whole ending blends the two concepts of childish and intimidating really well where it doesn't feel suddenly dissimilar to how children talk and behave but remains so chilling and distressing throughout. Poor Alan wow.

2. The Stakeout

I love myself some vampires, what can I say more than that?

This ending contains probably my favourite twist of the whole series and reveals it in a kind of similar manner to TBOSN and achieves it's goal in a similar way - Varney's reveal of him listing down different vampire tropes that apply to him that have been scattered through the episode feels both in line with how the episode discusses tropes and never feels like it's spoon-feeding information to the audience. It also doesn't give up all the tropes seen within the episode. Just 5 that most people, and Thommo, would recognise.

The sudden shift in characterisation of Varney doesn't feel too far gone personality wise to what we've seen so far and yet he's suddenly so much intimidating.

This is even before he goes absolutely HAM on Thompson's neck. That entire feeding bit is so good. Varney feeding on Thompson is a little too long and a little too detailed for it not to discomfort the audience a bit and I love that.

(Btw it's described as very "homoerotic" in the official Inside Inside No 9 podcast, so take that as you will. I have an entire thing in my head that I could write up about how queer this entire episode is but that's unrelated and a bit rambly lmao)

That final bit with Dobson is also superb. For as little screentime as he has, Malik Ibheis as Dobson is such a great physical actor. There is that immediate impression of Dobson's absolute feral nature at this point which is done very well.

And it all feeds back to the beginning little monologue again! Love that.

1. Wise Owl

God I adore this episode.

And I especially love this ending. It's an instant tear jerker, I love it, I love Ronnie. 5 stars no notes. <333

That final sequence in the whole 70's PSA format as Ronnie grows, whilst Wise Owl is yelling the same insults desperately and pathetically is so impactful and also so different to the rest of the series in my opinion.

(Also with it keeping that style on the "Get Stuffed" final line makes it seem like Ronnie isn't even looking at his father/Wise Owl when he says it, which is perfect to me.)

In9 isn't exactly a stranger to more positive endings or an ending where a hateable individual is punished by the narrative, but Wise Owl feels a step apart, it truly feels hopeful in a way I can't say the other endings have.

I still think this episode would be really good if it had gone with a more messed up ending as I think the episode forebodes a bit, however I believe that final confrontation and the final animated sequence really makes Wise Owl as incredible as it is.

[focsle]

This may be a strange question, but is there any prep you think someone should do before reading moby dick? Or just anything worth bearing in mind for it? Especially for someone whos only read a small handfull of books that old

Hmmm I don't know exactly but here's my stream of consciousness answer to this hahaha.

I don't think it's a book that requires necessary prep to jump into (though it's always helpful and enlightening to hear other people's thoughts and analysis about it while you're reading). As far as the age of the book, a lot of people tend to be surprised at how modern and humorous the language is, though it's very dense and winding. I think it's a book that asks you to spend time with it--it's not one to skim. It has, mostly, very short chapters though that help make what it's saying digestible. But if you're jumping into it expecting an adventure novel about hunting a white whale, that's not gonna be it! I describe the process of reading Moby-Dick as watching a man unravel his soul in front of you for hundreds of pages. It's all his meditations and grapplings thrown out in the open. And maybe, in witnessing one man's soul unraveling, you can find little pieces that resonate with your own.

I think it's always good to bear in mind the time in which it was written: 1840s into the 1850s United States: rapidly industrializing, a period of European immigration in ways the country hadn't seen in the decades prior, the continued violence and land theft wrought upon indigenous people in growing westward expansion and idea of Manifest Destiny really making itself felt in a white American identity, a country extremely polarized and filled with tension around the institution of slavery and fugitive slave acts also destabilizing the lives of Black people in free states, and ultimately a nation fast on its way to hurtling into Civil War. It's a critical decade when it comes to the path of the country and I think many of the questions Moby-Dick raises arise from its time. And that time, if you ask me, feels startlingly close to our moment right now in a number of ways. I think the 2020s will be just as critical a decade. I'm rambling now, forgive me. Call me Ishmael. And also that it was written during the golden age of whaling, where it was one of the largest economic sectors in the country and so much of the energy and product consumption was linked to it. Whaling was a Big Deal, and so many of the issues mentioned above are inherently woven into the industry. I feel like an 1850s American whaleship was very much a male microcosm of its own country. And I think the Pequod in Moby-Dick reads that way as well.

Getting a cursory sense of Herman Melville too can also give an insight into this work. Because--this is perhaps controversial of me to say from a Literary Analysis standpoint but--so many of his books are autobiographical to some degree. He puts a lot of himself into them, I think. I think his personal experiences, at least to some degree, inform the sort of questions he asks and conclusions he reaches in the book.

The book has a LOT of references ranging from the historical to the biblical. There are podcasts that dissect Moby Dick chapters (tho I'm bad at listening to podcasts so I can't recommend a specific one). Power Moby Dick is a meticulously annotated virtual copy that can give context where needed.

Historian Nathaniel Philbrick wrote a book called Why Read Moby-Dick. He's the one who called the book a metaphysical survival manual which I think is such an apt way to describe it and the way I perceive it too. The book however was published in 2011 and has a very like.....Liberal White American 'Obama Is President So The Trajectory of the Country is All Lookin' Up From Here We're All Good Now' skew that, especially today, reads rather flat. But there are still interesting things he brings up.

Very silly, but there's also a book called Our Daily Breach by Dennis Patrick Slattery that engages an examination of each chapter through a personal lens, if that's your sort of Thing. If you're a Journaler.

Anyway! Read how you like! I think one can go in blind and when stumbling across something that feels confusing or intriguing, can follow that thread after reading the chapter. But it is an interesting novel to hear other opinions on (and man have the opinions been written. Throw a stick on jstor and you'll find 8 million essays), because it's a very weird book that can be read so many ways and mean so many things.

[theloveinc]

the crazy thing is i do think enjin forgets your birthday the first year you're dating

[pangyham]

GAH LONG POST..

xingqiu and chongyun have insanely good potential for angst my god. xingqiu in particular is so fun to think about in the context of chongyun. what do YOU know about chivalry boy

thinking about how he and hu tao kinda operate on similar notions of justice and all that shmick except hu tao is more strictly averse to disrupting the Natural Order (incredibly vague and generalized concept rn sorry) whilst xingqiu sets his principles more arbitrarily. chongyun's presence somehow foils a lot of his notable character traits. gestures hands vaguely in the air but sth sth hu tao would not approve of xq's moral infractions

perhaps im just reading too deep into this but shrugs ill admit something's changed in Me the last 2 years and coming back to xq and cy has me like. scratches head now hold on im not entirely sure if i even like the way xq treats cy. its kinda one of the main points of their dynamic- the whole.. pranking this oblivious guy who i really adore etc. but its deeper implications leave me a little unsatisfied and a little troubled (?).. in the long run i personally dont really see anything substantially appealing about their (leaning towards romantic in this context) relationship other than like ?? the tropes that mhy imposed upon them. they were created as a compatible Duo ykwim. they reference each other a lot in their lore and even in-game but.. idk maybe i just view them separately instead of a joint unit that anaylzing them individually revealed a lot of crevices and cracks in their ship that's built upon their mainstream appeal

but anyway i've thought a lot about them as a duo and is it nuts to say i like them as a romantic ship but if they were unrequited. i can see them working out but it necessitates a complete subversion and reconstruction of xingqiu (chara development basically LOL) on my part that i would totally invest myself in but im not entirely sure how to execute it

i like xingqiu a LOT as a flawed character. i wouldnt go as far as to say hes toxic, just very conflicted and insecure. hes a fun character to think about. re: the hu tao bit i mentioned above, i think they would have a really fun, witty, and transformative friendship

but anyway. yes i like xq and i still like xy. theyre just a bit more complicated now aha. im still capable of enjoying fluffy ship dynamics but lately ive been in a Character Study Mood ... mmm.. ive yet to organize my chongming thoughts