#hope this has coherency (will likely regret staying up for this long)

[sleep-deprived-luka]

If all the pjsk characters where animals what do you think they would be

Oh my brain tends to waver in all different directions, so here's current *looks at time* 3-4 am Zondes takes

Ichika: Wolfdog in a way. She gives me abandoned oupy vibes. Maybe Wolf au also played a part

Saki: Golden retriever, I'm taking that from Corv with no semblance of shame. Saki is Dogcoded, her twintails are big floppy ears and you can squish her face

Honami: I can see her as multiple things really. Anything big and gentle, but the first thought is bear (although a small voice in me says bears are loners so that couldn't work so maybe reindeer?)

Shiho: Arctic fox I suppose? There aren't many Shiho animals in my brain, except ig canon bnuy Shiho (very valid) and shoebill Shiho (which I very like) . I'm still more or less indecisive and assign based on vibes, setting and au theme.

Minori: Another dogcoded girl for me, she got that dawg in her. Definitely a mut, idk what mix though. I do sometimes gravitate to otter or hummingbird☝️

Haruka: Easy penguin, but Wolf au rewired my brain to think falcon. Specifically because a fairytale I read for reference had a guy collect multiple unique things to lift a curse or something (3am brain) and the first one was the blue falcon, then the white lightsword, the golden horse and lastly the princess of France (which I jokingly call Minori pfahaha). I gave au Haruka a falcon because of that and heavily associated it with her (also falcon fits her personality imo)

Airi: Once again Wolf au bias, she in my eyes is a lynx. Maybe severe brainrot has influenced me, but lynx fits her well. It's a feline, it's said to be observant and knowledgeable of humanity, but isn't part of it (I connect this with main story Airi and her idolhood + it's also Wolfs themes) fwuffy paws☝️....Yeah I rest that case

Shizuku: Snowy owl. I want to draw wof au Shizuku with snowy owls, gog au Shizuku is a snowy owl, Wolf au...nah there she is connected to hares, so except that, heavily see her as a snowy owl. Additionally, Owls are very pretty and seem intelligent, but are really dense in reality, so that fits. (Although Sega does give us a good Shizuanimal with swans)

Kohane: Call me lazy, but hamster. Things are speaking for snake and I would actually love some snake!kohane in the world (looks at mirror with big beady eyes) still hamster is the kohammy animal. Hamster and/or sheep.... yesh

An: Another Wolfdog in my eyes (points at a-crowcats-nonsense furry!au) I see her having that dog in her. Although she could also be a dolphin of sorts, many thoughts

Akito: Cat. He's very catcoded and lives in a cardboard box (in my heart)

Toya: Moth is the first thought, maybe because I think he's giving... powdery texture and the base moth I think about is a black and white one. He could also be a snow owl, or a hooded crow... gasp *points at goliath beetle that hangs on my wall* and that

Tsukasa: I initially wrote lion, but then I recall Tsukasa in the Wolf au being connected to deer (in Airis Pov) which I stand more besides. Still his hair could be a banger mane for a lion

Emu: Can I say doggirl? Ig I do put all the energetic girls into the oupy category. Emu is actually just an adjective used to describe energetic animals. Emu kinkaju, emu ferret, emu budgie etc. etc. I see a thing with too much energy and go "just like Emu from my gacha game" she's a dog for me but so much more

Nene: My first impression on Nene was "Her hair makes her look like a pathetic dog"... yes this is another dog girl for me. But she can also be Emus anxious cheetah to her overly social dog.

Rui: I could say platypus, but I see Rui more as a bird. Likely an owl of sorts (I am suspecting a gog au bias) Although a manewolf would work aswell

Kanade: *fighting the urge to say dog* snake... or deer. She's giving "animal who has to be put down" but also "emotional support animal that also needs emotional support" I see a dog, but I'm not brave enough to declare the ninth doggirl

Mafuyu: Jellyfish I suppose. I do associate Mafuyu with many things, yet jellyfish is the most concrete. Probably because of her aquarium + the kitchen lamp resembling a jellyfish + wof au. I do think more of her as tangled in one as really one, but the thought... maybe octopus aswell

Ena: Cat or wolf (Wolf au bias for the latter). She is giving more of a cat though so I settle with Ena hissing and batting at people (Mizuki)

Mizuki: Cuckoo, because of Wolf au bias, but cat in my heart. Cuckoo is just because it dabbles in ugly duckling themes, something something your body is betraying you (which only works in a au setting though, since there she's also a changeling which makes the connection clearer) Cat fits better with canon Mizuki, so my final say is cat, or feline of any kind.

[ahllohehn]

Hello! This is an opportunity for you to yap about ANYTHING you wanted to. That's it, use it however you'd like :D

Post about my Scarian Fashionista AU that I absolutely doubt I'll finish so have my draft notes of my plans before I completely gave up;

“Too common.”

“The design is tacky.”

“Now it’s too simple.”

“Grian, dear, are you even trying at this point?”

“Enough with this. If all your designs are just gonna look like this, I’d rather you already leave and reflect on this.”

Grian flinched as he watched the office door slam on his face, leaving him to glare at nothing but polished wood as he trembled frustratingly in place. 

When he had signed up for a course on Fashion Design, he thought he had been overqualified for the course. After all, he already had plenty of experience in regards to fashion, so he thought that all he needed was to push through and just let his passions and ideas roam free then he’d get his degree easy peasy.

Too bad that reality is often disappointing, and often likes to humble him offensively.

Grian grit his teeth and was about to kick down his professor’s door until a voice piped up and dragged him away before he could create some long time regrets, “Woah there, buddy. Getting a lil’ too heated there, yeah?”

Pearl giggled as she held the shorter man down by his shoulders, disallowing him any opportunities of kicking down the door and potentially murdering their professor.

The future murderer squirmed under her hold for a while before begrudgingly setting his foot down, “I wouldn’t be like this if they weren’t so– so! Urgh!”

The rest of his words were lost as his emotions took over any sort of coherent thought, only having enough awareness to express his frustrations by groaning and whining. He waved his clenched fists and stomped his feet on the carpeted floor like a child throwing a tantrum.

With how he was acting, any student could mistake him for some short freshman first realizing the cruelty of college life. Fortunately, Pearl wasn’t any student and saved him the embarrassment of having to be compared to younger students.

“I know, I know. But if you were gonna get kicked out from university, I’d rather you get kicked out with an honorable reason,” she patted Grian’s back comfortingly, “And murdering a professor because you had a disagreement on some concept designs is not an honorable reason. It would be embarrassing, actually.”

Grian puffed up his cheeks and took a deep breath, steeling himself as he quickly turned on his heel to start brisk walking to a random direction, “Walk,” he announced vaguely, but Pearl was quick to understand and she followed after the other at a slower pace.

Clearly, this wasn’t their first time being in this kind of situation. In a world where standards heighten with every year, every decade, and every fad and trends, designers like them need to get ready for all kinds of heavy rejection, criticism, and judgment. Same can be said for any person who studied and worked under anything visual.

Hopes and dreams were meant to stay as hopes and dreams.

If you even attempt to express those to the world without having the bravery to back it up, it would inevitably face destruction in the hands of the high expectations of the public, and soon enough you’d be left with nothing but an empty shell that has sacrificed it all because they believe in passion over standards.

To battle the frustrations and heavy emotions that came as a result from these sacrifices, Grian and Pearl have learned to make a habit of doing simple things like strolls and walks. Because if you physically tire yourself out, then you wouldn’t have the energy to even impulsively think of rebelling against the norms of society. 

And also because walks are nice. The campus gave them a lot of space to explore, so why not use it, right?

The pair found themselves strolling the halls of the building with Grian leading and Pearl calmly following behind. She didn’t make any attempts to catch up and walk beside the man because one cannot simply match an angry Grian’s pace. The shorter man had so much adrenaline from months upon months of suppressed anger that it was simply impossible to even walk with him properly without getting sore legs the next hour. 

Pearl could only thank whatever god is above for making Grian as loud as he is, “Too common, too tacky– Her face looks too common and her personality is too tacky!” now starts Grian’s monthly ranting session.

“When I try to follow the current trends, she says the design is too overused and plain. But when I try to actually make something unique, she thinks it’s too ambitious and gaudy! It’s like she’s never happy!”

The brunette behind him snorted, “Maybe she wants an equilibrium? Something that’s just right?” she offered, to which her friend rolled his eyes.

“Something just right? Who is she? Freakin’ Goldilocks?!” Grian screeched and ruffled his own hair in distress, slowing down a few steps as he kicked his feet in anger.

Although this kind of reaction would probably gain him some few worried looks, Pearl herself was already too used to this scene and she simply giggled in response, “Maybe she is, you never know.”

Grian sighed out a groan and crossed his arms. His energy slowly simmered down as he eventually slowed down enough to be walking beside Pearl, “How are you so calm about this? I would’ve thought you’d be angry walking with me, but instead you’re just…. Well, walking.”

Pearl grinned wide and puffed up her chest proudly, “Well, contrary to my experiences for the past few terms, things are actually looking up for me!” Grian raised an eyebrow at this, squinting his eyes at the other with either a suspicious look or a look of envy. Probably both.

He tried to act nonchalant about it, like he’s totally not yearning to say the same thing for himself, “All because you’ve got some inspiration, huh?” His question had a teasing edge, making Pearl bashfully laugh.

“Some is undermining it. Gem has been a great source of inspiration. It’s like I’m being spoon fed a new idea everyday,” Pearl boasted enthusiastically that even Grian couldn’t help but flash a smile, “Huh, good for you then. It’s nice that you’ve atleast rekindled any sort of happiness that Professor Goldilocks may have burnt out,” he snorted.

Silence settled for a while with Pearl glancing at Grian like she was trying to figure out what to say to him. She only finally spoke up what was brewing on her mind when he acknowledged her gaze with a tilt of his head.

“Why not get a muse of your own?”

Grian’s face scrunched up at that question, “Of my own?”

“Yeah.”

Grian gave it a thought and he shook his head, “With how I am? I’m better off continuing to do things alone,” he grumbled. 

He was already used to coming up with inspirations for himself on the spot. Because, unlike now, he was actually pretty passion-driven before, fueled with nothing but the dreams he’s held onto since he was young. It’s only unfortunate that he ran out of it because his professor was discouraging and hated everything he came up with, so he started living on thinking that everything he’s doing is inadequate, that he needs to improve his thinking before he could improve himself. It was a ‘he’ problem that he is more than capable of handling alone.

At least, that’s what he’s been persuading himself to think. But the more he thought about the idea of having a muse, the more appealing it sounded. 

Or maybe that was his loneliness speaking.

While Grian was having inner conflicts within himself, Pearl continued to spit out encouraging words herself, “I mean, it’s not like it won’t be worth it,” she nudged the shorter man with an elbow to gain his attention back to her, “We’d need to gather models for our finals anyway.”

The blonde blinked in confusion, “Finals?”

Pearl gave him a weird look, “Our finals, Grian. The one where we’d have to get models to personally show off our designs by the end of the term.”

His expression froze along with his thought process as his brain began to file through any memory regarding his final project.

When he did finally register everything, Grian stopped in his steps to facepalm with both hands, letting out his nth muffled groan that same hour, “I… actually forgot,” he admitted with a whine before releasing his face and staring at Pearl in panic.

The end of the term fashion show. It sounded so ridiculous that it completely slipped Grian’s mind that it would actually be a contributing factor to his grades.

“Where am I even gonna get a muse, much less a model?!” He squeaked out, now resorting to pacing around the empty hallway in circles with his hands tugging on his own locks in distress.

Pearl stood to the side and  couldn't even get a word in before Grian continued on with his monologue of panic, “I can’t just– Kneel and reach out for the sky and pray some god would hear my prayers!” He sounded manic.

The blonde stopped to stand at the ceiling to floor windows that decorated one side of the hallway, gesturing towards the sky through the said window in front of him, “Like, they can’t just drop down a beautiful being out of nowhere!”

As soon as he said that, his dark eyes looked down from the sky and unconsciously magnetized towards a figure outside on campus grounds, seemingly on the lookout for something.

Not that Grian was curious to know anything about what said figure was trying to do. All he knew at that moment was that they.... (I didn't finish this. Just imagine Scar just appeared lol)

[ts1m1kas]

Original Ask: whenever you can would you be willing to write a piece about dominik and the reader being in the shy honeymoon stage of their relationship 🩷🩷🩷

Word Count: 1040 words

(author's note: my first dominik request !! i hope you enjoy it, my lovelies 🩷 i'm so sorry if you feel it doesn't match your ask, i've been so uninspired lately so i hope this makes up for my absence !!)

Anyone who looked at Dominik and Y/N would think they were a couple. They were inseparable. Being around each other at all times was normal for the pair, along with the subtle glances and their hands that were so often intertwined.

It was an average day for the pair. Y/N had gone over to Dominik’s house, eventually ending up in his bed, asleep in his arms. She couldn’t say she was surprised as it wasn’t the first time it had happened. Although the lines between friendship and romance had been blurred, the two adults still refused to address what was going on between them.

Y/N knew Dominik had training so she felt selfish for wanting to keep him tucked up in bed with her. Under the plush covers of his bed, wrapped in Dominik’s arms was her favourite place to be. He stirred softly, subconsciously pulling her closer to his body.

“Domi, it’s time to wake up. You’ve got training.”

The Hungarian grumbled, tucking his face into the side of her neck, clinging on to the last remains of sleep. He knew he had to wake up, but the bliss he felt in that moment clouded his rational thoughts.

“Five more minutes, it won’t take long for me to get ready.”

“No, you need to get up now. Your version of five minutes is more like fifty.”

He let out a laugh, now fully awake. He pressed a kiss to Y/N’s head and got up out of bed. He pulled on his training clothes and busied himself with getting ready. He ate breakfast, packed his bag and brushed his teeth before jogging back upstairs to say goodbye to Y/N.

“Bye gyönyörű, I’ll see you after training, okay?"

“Goodbye Dom, see you later.”

He waved at her as he exited the room and then turned his attention to putting his training bag into the boot of his car. Getting into the driver's seat, his mind wandered to Y/N. Dominik wanted nothing more than for her to be his girlfriend. She was kind, beautiful, and outgoing. He could list her good traits for as long as time. However, the fear of rejection had sunk its claws into him, and he remained silent about his feelings. 

He pulled into the car park of the training facility and turned off the ignition of his car. He grabbed his bag from the boot and headed to the reception to sign in. Making his way to the changing rooms, he spotted Curtis walking ahead of him.

“Curtis wait for me,” Dominik said, catching the attention of the scouser.

Curtis stopped in his tracks and turned around. He stood still as he waited for Dominik to catch up.

“You alright, Dom?”

Dominik nodded his head and the pair continued the short walk to the changing rooms. Once they arrived they pushed the door open and began to undress to put on their training gear.

“You know, I’ve been planning on asking this girl out. She’s the new social media intern. Have you seen her?”

Dominik’s heart dropped. He knew exactly who Curtis was talking about and the idea of them getting together made him feel sick.

“Are you talking about Y/N? I think she has a boyfriend.” 

“Oh really? Who’s her boyfriend?”

“Me.”

Curtis’ face fell.

“Sorry Dom, I didn’t realise.” Curtis scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, avoiding eye contact with the man in front of him. 

“Don’t worry about it. Not many people know.”

Training went on as usual. Curtis tried to stay out of Dominik’s way while the Hungarian was having an internal crisis. He didn’t even know where the claim that he and Y/N were together came from. He was so blinded by silent rage that his thoughts weren’t coherent. He just said the first thing that came to his head.

He had to make it come true. He knew that if he let Y/N fall through his fingers he would regret it.

Once the team had been dismissed, Dominik rushed to grab his bags and pulled his car keys out of his pocket. The journey home was short, but in that moment it felt like an eternity.

As soon as he was parked in the driveway, he sprung out of the car and unlocked the front door.

“Y/N? Where are you?” He urged, the adrenaline surge giving him the confidence to finally tell the girl he loved how he felt about her after so many years.

“In here,” she replied from the living room, “Is everything okay?”

Dominik strode down the corridor and stopped in the doorway of the room Y/N sat in and looked straight at her.

“We need to talk, now.”

Her eyes widened and she patted the empty seat next to her, signalling for him to sit down.

“What are we?”

“Dom, what do you mean?”

“You know what I mean. Are we a couple? Are we friends?”

Y/N looked down at her hands. She picked at the skin on her fingers and fidgeted. She had been in love with Dominik for nearly as long as he had with her. The idea of them being a couple was something she had only dreamed of and now that Dominik had brought it up, she didn’t know what to say.

“Dominik, I don’t know-”

“I’m in love with you. I have been my whole life. It’s fine if you don’t feel the same way, but I can’t keep this to myself anymore.”

Y/N twisted her body to face the man who sat next to her. With trembling hands, she cupped his face and pressed her lips to his. Dominik was taken by surprise, but that didn’t stop him from kissing back as enthusiastically as he could muster. 

When they broke apart, Dominik smiled down at Y/N. 

“I think that answers my question.”

“I’d hope so,” Y/N responded, pressing a second kiss to his lips.

The silence that hung in the air was no longer filled with uncertainty and unsureness. It was filled with relief and reassurance. The silent agreement between the pair had been a long time coming, and both of them couldn’t be happier.

[yexthiccxa]

The Angel With Horns Pt. 2

summary: the man you despise, satoru gojo is unfortunately your mentor at jujutsu high. he agreed to help you get with your childhood crush, suguru geto, but things have taken a bit of a turn after that last "mentoring" session

this is a continuation of part 1, but if you don't care about plot, feel free to read this as a one shot (:

wordcount: 9.7k 🙃 (i guess i just get carried away. this is also 4 chapters btw)

c/w: gojo/fem!reader, geto/fem!reader, gojo/oc, geto/oc, modern!au, teacher!au, smut, fluff & smut, some plot, plot what plot, rough!sex, flashbacks, asshole!gojo, flirty!gojo, cocky!gojo, soft!geto, rough!geto, cousin!shoko, mutual pining, confessing, teasing, flirting, playful banter, friends to lovers, enemies to lovers, sensual tension, sexual tension, pet names, degradation, fingering, f!masturbation, oral, fantasizing, choking, light gagging, multiple orgasms, inappropriate use of cursed energy, inappropriate use of cursed techniques

a/n: hiii thanks for the love on pt. 1! again this is my first fic so feedback is very much appreciated! will be working on part 3(some) ;)

Read Part 1 Here!

✦✧✸✧✦ 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT ✦✧✸✧✦

Chapter 5: Regret

I’m alone with my thoughts, trying to stop the embarrassment from consuming me. I look out the windows before peeking down the hallway—no sign of Satoru anywhere. I realize I’m searching for someone who doesn’t want to be seen.

The intimacy I shared with Sugu—I mean, Satoru, has me conflicted. My mind thinks one thing, but my body feels the other, ultimately bringing me right back where I started. But this time around, my thoughts are coherent enough to take over.

If there’s anyone who would leave without saying goodbye, it’s Satoru. If there’s anyone who would be an absolute tease, it’s Satoru. If there’s anyone who would fuck now and not give a shit later, it’s Satoru. After all this time we spent together, I thought things would change. But now it’s crystal clear: Satoru Gojo will never change.

“Satoru is so annoying,” Shoko grumbled as she barged into my room.

“What’d he do this time?” I asked. With graduation around the corner, all I could think about was passing my exams.

“I asked him out, but he shot me down. He told me it’s because he likes someone else,” Shoko revealed. 

To keep our conversation short, I replied with, “Yeah that sucks I guess, but I’m sure you’re better off just being friends.”

Shoko plopped herself onto my bed, lacing her fingers behind her head while she stared at the ceiling. “Honestly, that’s totally fine—but that’s not the annoying part,” she started. “The annoying part is that he won’t tell me who. He talks about all the girls he hooks up with, but now he wants to keep it a secret? I just don’t get Satoru.”

I let out a sigh, “Maybe he’s just messing with you the same way he does with me. After all, Satoru is such a dick.”

✦✧✸✧✦

I spend the evening doing chores in hopes of forgetting what happened earlier this afternoon. If Satoru is going to be like this, the best thing I can do is to leave the past in the past. With my mentorship being over, I have no reason to even think about him anymore. All I need to do now is stick to the plan and keep my energy focused on Suguru.

Oh, right. Suguru. As the image of him forms in my mind, I’m reminded of our date. I’ve been so caught up with Satoru, I realized that I’m nowhere near prepared for tomorrow.

He said to meet at his place, but are we staying there? Or just meeting, then going out? Should I dress up? Or down? Heels, boots, or sneakers? My internal debate goes on for far too long before I finally decide to give him a call. 

The phone rings and I’m greeted with his signature velvety tone. “Did you miss the sound of my voice?” Suguru asks.

I’m immediately paralyzed, unsure of how to reply.

He lets out a little chuckle, “I’m just kidding. What’s up?”

“Ha. ha. Very funny.” I begin to ease up but butterflies still linger in my core. “I actually just wanted to ask what we’re doing tomorrow. I’m trying to figure out what to wear.”

Suguru pauses for a moment, “I don’t want to give away all the surprises, but let’s keep it simple and say dinner. I can’t tell you where, but just wear whatever makes you feel good.”

A surprise? My body tenses in excitement. “Okay, fine. I can work with this. Thank you! I’ll talk to you later!”

“No problem, see you tomorrow,” He replies.

Before I can hang up, Suguru calls for me one last time. When he gets my attention, he finally says, “I’m really excited for our date. I can’t wait to see you.”

“Me too.” I hang up the phone, and I can’t seem to wipe the grin off my face. I’m finally going on a real date with Suguru.

✦✧✸✧✦

The next day arrives and at 7pm, I find myself standing in front of Suguru’s door. I’m fixing the dress that I picked out the night before. It’s a black velvet mini dress with sheer cuffed sleeves. The sweetheart neck accentuates my chest, while the fitted flare skirt hugs my curves—the perfect blend of cozy, but classy. My nerves increase after the first knock, but it washes away when the door opens and I see Suguru’s face. 

Although the door is only halfway open, his physical presence still commands the space. His smile is pure and his eyes gaze at me with sincerity. “Please come in,” he says.

When I walk inside to take off my shoes, he closes the door and his footsteps echo towards me. I feel his hand cup the small of my back and a shock jolts through my body. His fingers brush against the zipper of my dress. As he slowly leans down to my ear, he whispers, “You look beautiful tonight.” The hairs on the back of my neck stand up and my heart begins to melt.

“Aww, thank you. You’re looking quite handsome yourself,” I reply, smiling in adoration. 

I take a moment to look around the apartment and my eyes widen. Flower petals line the hallway floor, leading me to the living space. The space is larger than I would expect for a Tokyo apartment. Across the room, windows stretch from the floor to the ceiling, making it feel ten times bigger. The lighting is soft, but the glow from the lamps warm up the space.

My eyes continue to wander until they finally land on his dining room table. Though the table is set for two, it’s completely filled with several plates of food. I see perfectly formed pieces of nigiri, various bowls of soup, an array of grilled fish and meats, and bowls of rice neatly placed on the side. 

“Oh my god, Suguru…did you make all of this?” I ask in disbelief.

He nods, curling his mouth into a smile.

“Do you do this for all your dates?” I challenge, raising my brow.

“Nope, just for you.” He makes his way towards the table. “Since you recently moved back, I wanted to make it feel like home.”

I can feel my jaw drop. I try to speak but nothing comes out. “I—I don’t even know where to start,” I finally reply.

He pulls out a seat and offers his hand to me, “You can start by eating.”

It takes everything I have to resist eating everything in one bite, but the taste is so delicious. Each bite is a burst of flavor that sends me to the moon. Even if our date ended here, I would easily be satisfied. When we finish up our meal, I help him pack the leftovers and clean up.

As we’re washing dishes together, I turn to him. “Suguru, thank you for cooking. You’ve always taken such good care of me. I really don’t deserve you.”

He pauses to turn off the water and wipe his hands. I watch him move towards me to cradle my face while his fingers trace the edge of my jawline. “I told you once before and I’ll tell you again, I like taking care of you. Always have, always will.”

We gaze into each other’s eyes, and for a moment, time stands completely still. I gently place my hands on his chest. His heart beats fast, like it’s trying to challenge my own. Is he just as nervous as I am? As I slowly grasp the wrinkles of his shirt, his pulse quickens and his breath becomes shallow. When I see his smile begin to form, I close my eyes and pull him down to meet my lips.

Suguru’s mouth molds into mine and it’s everything I could’ve ever imagined. I love how his lips are soft and his grasp is warm, nothing in this world can compare. As he guides me to the sink, my back arches and I can feel myself getting engulfed into his body. It’s covering me with comfort and protection. I’ve imagined this moment many times and it’s absolute perfectio—he pulls away.

Suguru walks towards the dining room and he mutters something with his head in his hands.

I follow him, tugging at his sleeve. “Hey, is everything okay? Did I do something wrong?”

He finds his way to the couch muttering, “No, no. It’s not you.” After a moment of thought, he continues, ”Sorry, I just thought I could do this but I’m scared of what might happen to us. I don’t want to hurt you, and I definitely don’t want to lose you again.”

I take a seat next to him, placing one hand on his shoulder, and the other over his knee. “Hurt me? Lose me? Again? Suguru, what are you talking about?”

He brushes my arm, hesitant for what comes next. The room is quiet and I can almost hear his heartbeat with mine. “During your last summer here,” he starts. He takes in a breath and slowly lets his words tumble out. “I was talking to Satoru for you—basically telling him to lighten up on the jokes and all that. He seemed to  take it well, but I remember him saying, ‘Fine. But she’s leaving soon anyways so it doesn’t really matter.’ I wasn’t sure what he meant at first, but he ended up telling me that he overheard you talking to Shoko… about moving away.”

My heart drops as memories of that day slowly piece back together…

“Are you really going to leave?” Shoko asked.

I gave an apologetic nod. “It’ll be good for me to get out there, you know? I’d travel the world, learn from other teachers, see if there are bigger and better things out there for me.” I let out a sigh. “I feel like there’s not much here for me anymore.”

“I get it. Well, just know that I’ll miss you. I’m sure the guys will too,” Shoko said as she gave me a hug.

I laughed, “Doubt it.”

I return to the moment and look at Suguru. When he sees tears forming in my eyes, he wipes them away. His hand tightens around mine before he says, “I didn’t think that was true until you told me yourself. It hurt me so much inside but, who was I to stop you from finding yourself or seeing the world? You deserved to do all the things you wanted to do.”

But all I wanted was you. Are you saying you wanted me too? Droplets trickle down my face, but I keep my eyes locked onto his—taking in every single word.

“After you left, I was a mess. I stopped training, so my cursed energy weakened. Then during one of our missions, I fucked up and part of my soul merge with a cursed spirit. When it took over my body, it was strong. It’s a long story, but the main point is— I’m scared to get too close. I don’t think it’s safe.”

I bring myself in closer, moving my hand to his face. “But Suguru, I always feel safe when I’m with you. It’s always been like that, even now…especially now.”

“Yeah, but that’s because I’ve trained myself to control it. When I lose my senses, it slips out, and when it slips out…it isn’t pretty—it just doesn’t feel like me. Even though I’m still the same person physically, everything else becomes more intense. The rage, the aggression, all the things in between.”

He pauses, placing his hand around my cheek. “I like you, a lot. But if I ever let anything happen to you…or worse, if I let myself do anything to hurt you, I don’t know what I would do.”

My heart is pounding, my mind goes blank. The world goes silent as his voice becomes an echo. Is this…real? I open my mouth to let my words out, but nothing. I eventually muster up the strength to ask a question, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was going to, but when you said that you didn’t have anything left here… well, I thought that also meant me. I never wanted to be the one to hold you back.” He retracts and his face becomes resigned.

Before he can pull away, I bring my face to his. “Suguru, I’ve liked you for a very long time. And I appreciate you for letting me live my life, but I promise you—I’m ready for this. For you. For all of you.”

His face softens and shows a smile of relief. “All I want to do is take care of you,” he starts. I can feel his hands tremble. “But I’m scared of the person I’ll become.”

“Suguru…” I lift myself up, slowly climbing over to straddle him. His frame is large, but I still feel myself fit comfortably around him. As I settle myself onto his lap, I feel his bulge pulse against my center. The tension in the air grows as I move myself closer. I let my mouth linger inches away from his and whisper. “I trust you.”

He stops momentarily, savoring every last word that fell from my mouth. His eyes ignite and I can feel fire coursing through his soul. In one second, I feel his breath and in the next, I feel his mouth. He plants a kiss onto my lips, letting his hands roam around me.

Unlike before, this kiss is searing with passion. One hand grabs my hair while the other grabs my ass, and he lays me on the couch until his body is covering me. He pulls away for just a moment before he growls, “Then let me feel you, beautiful.”

Chapter 6: Rough

Something in the room has changed, as though the air has warmed up around us. Traces of Suguru’s cursed energy illuminate the room, forming a blue haze that floats above us. I let out a breath of awe—everything in this moment feels like a dream.

My attention floats back to Suguru as his kisses effortlessly consume me. It’s like he knows all the spots that make me tremble. As he kisses his way down my neck, his hands move to the contours of my curves. When he gets to my chest, he uses his fingers to pull down the neckline of my dress. My heart beats out of me as I’m completely exposed.

He stares for a moment, slowly cupping his hand around my breast. His tongue works my nipple, while my hands grab his hair. The tie on his bun slips and I feel his locks gently fall. The Suguru I’ve known has always been proper—pristine, but the way he looks right now makes him absolutely primal.

As his lips are tugging on me, I feel his hand slip between my thighs. They’re large and overpowering, but they feel so soft as they dance against my skin. There’s no doubt in my mind that his touch is absolutely perfect. His tugs turn into nibbles and a surge of liquid gushes between my legs. As my back arches with pleasure, he pulls off my panties and gently caresses my folds. Suguru brings himself up to kiss me and purrs, “Baby girl, you are soaking wet.”

He continues to treat my breasts with care and I can feel him rub the edges of my slit. I relax myself back into the couch and let the rhythmic passes of his fingers take me—teasing me with every stroke.

“Please Suguru,” I breathe. My voice is needy, unsteady.

He picks up his head while the edge of his mouth curls to the side. Easing his fingers into me, he rumbles, “Anything for you, my love.”

His fingers barely enter me, but the sheer size of them is enough to make me whimper. The thoughts in my head no longer exist. It’s just me, him, and the rush of desire flowing through me. As he glides them back and forth I can feel my juices slip out. My walls contract and pleasure grows between my thighs.

He slides in nice and slow, feeling every inch of the warmth inside of me. The ridges of his fingers press against me, massaging every crevice he can find. Oh how I wish this would never stop.

“Do you like when I touch your pussy like this?” Suguru asks. His voice is sultry and slow.

I can’t find the words so all I do is nod.

He slows down to give me a kiss before his smirk grows into a full on smile. He slides down the couch until he’s near my entrance. “Spread your legs and I can make you feel so much better.”

Whenever he speaks, goosebumps travel across my skin.

He lowers his head and drags his tongue across my slit. It’s wet and warm, emulating the essence of the cream between my legs. His mouth moves all over my center and I can feel myself pulsate against him. He sucks me, licks me, completely consumes me, and all I can do is yell his name. I lock my fingers onto his hair every time he makes me moan.

“You taste so good.” The vibration of his words travel through my walls.

Just like his kisses, his mouth is rough and needy, wanting to taste every bit of me. He swallows every bit of liquid that oozes out and I can tell his mouth is drenched because of me.

As he continues devouring me with his tongue, I feel the length of his fingers tease my entrance. He slides them into me and my moans begin to amplify. My back arches further and the tension continues to build.

His tongue and his fingers move perfectly in sync, I can’t take it. It’s wet, sloppy, and the drumming around my clit leaves me enchanted. I can feel myself reaching my limit.

“Don’t stop,” I pant. My moans become louder and I can feel the tingles creep into my core. “I— I’m gonna come.” 

His pace remains steady, but that doesn’t stop the pleasure from climbing. He doesn’t pick up his head to speak, but the way he drives into me lets me know he’s saying, “Come for me.”

The thought leaves me in absolute heat. I let out one last moan and I feel the orgasm flow through my body. Waves of ecstasy slam against every end of my body. For a moment, I stay still, taking deep breaths and feeling every tingle leave my body. The clouds of Suguru’s cursed energy are still floating around us and I remember that this time, it’s not actually a dream.

I keep my eyes locked on Suguru as he climbs off of the couch. His hair is disheveled and his shirt is wrinkled, but he still looks as handsome as ever. He offers his hand to pull me up, and greets me with a kiss. I feel him pull away, but he remains close and utters softly, “I’m not done with you yet, beautiful.”

He gently turns me around and starts to unzip my dress. As his fingers brush off the fabric on my shoulders he tells me, “I’m warning you now… I’ve done my best to remain steady, but if I start to slip I can’t promise that you’ll like who I become. Are you sure you still want to do this?”

My dress drops to the floor and his gaze roams my body.

I slowly lift up his shirt and pull him close. “It’s okay Suguru, I can take it.”

✦✧✸✧✦

Suguru grabs a fistful of my hair and pulls me into a fevered kiss. His body towers over me as I race to take off the rest of his clothes. When I make my way to his pants, I let my hand graze the length of his cock. He immediately hardens beneath me and the air takes another shift. The haze of blue swirls fade into red and his skin runs hot like fire.

I can barely pull down his slacks before he grabs my waist to pull me up against him. His skin is smooth, his chest is hard, and I can feel him brush against my center. When his strong grip takes a hold of my ass, I wrap my legs around him while he walks us to his room. 

He sets me on the bed and guides me down until my back presses against his sheets. The lights are off, but the red fog illuminates the room—allowing me to make out the contours of his body.

He looms over me and begins to rub my clit. I hum in pleasure and roll my head back.

“You’ve barely even touched me and I’m already breaking,” he growls. He takes another look at my body and I can feel the hunger in his eyes. “You are god damn beautiful.”

Suguru uncovers his cock, and I can feel my eyes widen. He’s big. And I mean big. As he tugs against it, I feel my eyes locking onto him—he’s mesmerizing.

“Is something the matter, princess?” he smirks. His brow arches like it’s a challenge. “Like you said… you can take it.”

I do my best to bite back a smile as my heart continues to race. The haze grows brighter around us.

Suguru lowers himself onto the bed, guiding himself into me. He stretches me so wide, forcing me to moan—but I know it’s only the tip. He continues to ease himself inside and I can’t help but gasp for air.

Once my walls adjust to his size, he grips my thighs and picks up his tempo. I can feel his whole length beat against my cervix. I cry in pleasure as my back arches and my eyes begin to shut.

“Eyes on me, baby girl. The whole time.” My eyes shoot open and see a fiendish smile dance across his face. “Now show me how much of a slut you can be.”

He moves one hand up my body, stopping to stroke my nipple, before landing on the edge of my neck. His fingers gently press on the sides of my throat, leaving just enough passage for air to flow through. His touch is violent, his voice is stern, but all of it has me dripping in delight.

My mind goes numb, registering only the feelings of pleasure and pain. I knew he was large, but the magnitude of his cock leaves me speechless. I keep my gaze fixed on him as he drives inside me, making me cry out louder each time. All I can make out is, “Fuck, Suguru.”

“That’s my girl. Louder,” he growls. “Let me hear how much you need me.”

My moans begin to amplify, but that only makes his thrusts go deeper. I don’t know who this Suguru is, but he tames me like an animal and fucks me like a beast. Everything about this makes me crave him so much more. My thighs clench at the thought, making the juices leave my body. “Fuck—that feels…so—good.” My words are breathy and labored.

“Your pussy is so tight. Fitting for a little slut like you.” He releases briefly and forcefully flips me over. As he grabs a fistfull of my hair to pull me close to his face, I feel him whisper. “Let’s see how well you can take me from behind.”

He keeps his grip wrapped in my hair, and my head presses into his chest. I feel his power surge through me as he pushes his way back inside. My center is so wet, he makes driving into me seem effortless. When he rams into the front of my walls, I feel myself squeeze around him.

Suguru releases my hair, but he wastes no time. His fingers move to hook into my mouth, leaving every part of my body filled. His other hand remains painfully gripped around my waist. I struggle to catch my breath when his pressure doesn’t let up.

“You feel so good, baby girl. I could fuck you forever.” The vibration of his voice tickles the side of my throat. His pace is steady but his movements are rough and relentless.

Every beat has me screaming in desire.

Suguru lets his hands trail from my mouth to my center and uses the wetness on his fingers to rub my clit. I’m overwhelmed with pleasure as I feel my folds throb against him. With my mouth free, he plants hungry kisses onto my lips and I can feel my body wanting to release.

His hips continue to strike into me, causing tears to well into my eyes. They fall down my cheek, but his tongue slowly cleans it up before he returns his mouth back to mine.

The pressure inside grows and I feel my climax calling for me. He’s so good. All of him feels so good. I can’t stop thinking about the way he looks, the way he feels, how perfect he is inside of me. “Please don’t stop, I’m—gonna—” I can barely speak, let alone breathe. “Come.”

“As my little slut should. Don’t worry, I’ve got you.” His breath quickens and the way his body moves tells me he’s close too. “Do you want me to come inside of you?”

I moan with pleasure and that’s the only confirmation he needs.

Suguru roars in desire, but the volume of my cry rivals him. I feel him release inside of me as tides of my orgasm flow through my body. My ears are ringing and my fingers go numb.

His come feels hot as it shoots up through me. As his grip tenses around me, I can feel them leaving bruises on my skin. He catches his breath and slowly glides his way out of me. I can feel his liquid dripping down my thighs.

I let myself settle back down onto the bed, feeling the remnants of my orgasm drift away.

Suguru adjusts himself so that his mouth hovers inches away from my ear. “Thank you for gracing me with that perfect little pussy.” he whispers.

No, Suguru. Thank you.

Chapter 7: Relax

The morning comes and the sun beams brightly through the windows. I wake up and see Suguru’s arm wrapped around me. His embrace gives me comfort, and I never want to let go. As I adjust myself to see his face, I notice how the rays of sun bounce off his back. The light illuminates the outline of his silhouette—he is truly an angel.

I think back last night—how raw, powerful, and commanding he was. But as I look at him now, I see that there’s no sign of the animal he once was. His eyes are softly shut, his mouth is calm, and his hair is gently swept across his face. I brush back the strands that have fallen, and place a delicate kiss on his cheek. With one last look of admiration, I slowly inch my way out of the bed to grab a glass of water.

“No, don’t go,” he softly groans. He’s half asleep, but his grasp pulls me right back next to him. He caresses the contours of my naked body, and I’m reminded of how good it feels to have his hands around me.

I let out a little chuckle, “I’m getting water, I’ll be right back.” I give him another kiss and he surrenders. I hear him grumble but he doesn’t fight back as I wiggle my way out of the bed.

I make my way through the living room, and back to the kitchen. Sunlight pours through the windows, unveiling the aftermath of our night. Our clothes are everywhere, the furniture is skewed, and the pillows from the couch have been dumped on the floor.

As I pick up the mess, I hear the door unlock and my heart immediately drops into my stomach. Fuck. I’m completely bare. Running back to the room would take too much time, so I race to put on the shirt that Suguru wore the night before. Who the hell is even at the…oh, it’s Satoru. I forgot they were roommates.

When I realize it’s Satoru, I feel my heart stop and a powerful rage fills me. I’m reminded of the anger, the horror, and the embarrassment I felt Friday afternoon. I thought I could look past it, but I let my emotions consume me.

As the door closes, I hear a vexing voice drifting my way. “Looks like someone had a little fun last night.”

I march up to him as the hems of Suguru's shirt brush against my knees. “What the hell is your problem, Satoru?”

He continues setting down his belongings. “For someone who looks like they had great sex, you seem a little feisty.” His tone is mellow, his grin is smug. It’s everything I hate about him. 

All I want to do is scream, but with Suguru asleep, my voice remains hushed. “One—yes, I did have great sex, thank you for noticing. But two—I’m furious with you. What happened on Friday? You literally just left me there.  And three—What is your problem? What kind of sick person does that?”

Satoru leans himself against the table. “Listen, angel. I did you a favor.”

I rush in front of him to block the noise from traveling too far. “Keep it down,” I snap at him.

Satoru picks himself up and takes a step towards me. His face hovers over me and I can feel my heart shudder. Our gaze latches onto each other as he softly whispers in my ear. “You seemed like you were enjoying yourself there, and trust me… while I would’ve loved to go further, I couldn’t take that away from Suguru.”

My arms cross and my stare remains unwavering. I scoff in his face. “You are so annoying. What makes you think I would ever let you have sex with me?”

“You wouldn’t?” He fires back quickly.

My jaw drops. I want to shoot back, but I’m at a complete loss for words. The hesitation is enough for his look to become even more self-assured.

He steps a bit closer and the heat from his body warms the air. “I’m just kidding angel. Although, I’m sure Suguru wouldn’t mind sharing.”

I push him back with enough force for him to bump the table. “Satoru!”

He makes his way around me and charges straight for the rooms. “You know what? We can just ask him about that right now. Hey Su—”

“Satoru, shut up!” I try to pull him back but his force is too strong.

A raspy voice emerges. “Good morning,” Suguru appears from the hallway leading to the room. He looks at us and breaks into a gentle laughter. “I guess some things never change with you two.”

He walks over to me, wrapping his hand around my waist to give me a kiss. “Nice shirt.”

My cheeks flush as I'm reminded that all I have on is Suguru’s oversized tee. I cling to him in embarrassment.

Satoru watches us move to the couch as he grabs a drink from the refrigerator. His brow perks up with interest. “This is new. Looks like you two had a fun night,” he calls from across the room.

I feel my eyes burn as I glare at him.

Suguru wraps his arm around me as a gesture of reassurance and I settle into his arms. “Satoru, relax. Don’t you have other women to fuck or bother? Leave mine alone.” He kisses me on the forehead and I look up at him with affection.

Satoru grabs his drink and strolls to his room. “Yes, your majesty,” he mocks Suguru lovingly. He turns to me with a sarcastic bow. “Sorry m’lady, please go about your day.”

I roll my eyes at him before directing my attention to Suguru. “How do you do that?” I ask curiously.

“Do what?” he replies.

“I don’t know, wrangle him? Satoru always listens to you.”

“I get him out of so many things, he basically owes me for life.”

“You’re always looking out for everyone, aren’t you?" I smile because this is the Suguru I know and love. Nothing about him could ever scare me away.

He turns to look at me like I’m the only person in the world. “But it’s only fun when I get to do it for you.”

✦✧✸✧✦

Our morning together is exactly what I hoped it would be. We spend a good bulk of our time preparing breakfast—grilling fish and whipping up tamagoyaki, just to scarf it down with a side of rice.

Unfortunately for me, Satoru joins us for the meal. However, I’m pleasantly surprised when he decides to keep the conversation tame. As much as I hate the guy, he’s not completely intolerable. We spend a few moments cracking jokes and I watch them playfully argue about who would win in a fight. As I look around the table, I smile. I’m overjoyed with the feelings of nostalgia that whip through my soul.

After we finish cleaning up our meal, Satoru heads back into his room while Suguru and I plop ourselves on the couch. He rests one elbow on the armrest, and the other around my shoulder. I snuggle myself into him and rest my head on his chest. He plants a kiss on my forehead and His eyes light up with his genuine smile.

I've shared many years of my life with Suguru, yet none of them have been quite like this. His cuddles comfort me, his kisses revive me, and his touch—well, his touch ignites me in ways I can’t describe.

“You know, I could stay like this forever,” I say to him.

“What do you mean?” His brow lifts.

“Being cuddled up against you. It’s the best feeling.” I smile because it’s true.

“I mean, don’t get me wrong, this is great,” he begins. “But I can think of a couple more things that might feel better.” He moves from the armrest, letting his fingers graze my chest and dance down my body. He lifts up the hem of my shirt.

A jolt of arousal runs through me when I feel the pads of his fingers rub against my panties.

“Suguru!” I playfully push him off with a smile.

He raises his brow and smirks. “What’s wrong? Don’t think you can handle another round?”

“Satoru is right there,” I murmured, carefully keeping my voice down.

Suguru adjusts himself to get a better angle of my lips and presses his mouth against mine. “He can fuck off. Let him see.”

My attention is immediately averted when I hear a passing voice coming from the bathroom.

“I’m right here,” Satoru calls out as he crosses the opening in the hallway.

Without breaking the kiss, Suguru lifts his hand from me, and I shift my eyes to see his middle finger raised at Satoru. I chuckle.

Satoru returns to his room and shuts the door. Once we’re back to being alone, Suguru returns my kisses and focuses his attention back to my folds.

The pleasure rises as I feel his lips part and he slips his tongue into my mouth. He hums against my lips as his fingers gently rub my clit. No matter how many times he touches me, I still feel a rush. My body gets lighter as it drifts away, in search of euphoria and I mutter curses under my breath. I wish this feeling would never stop. My thighs begin to clench as I feel liquid form between them. This is so— 

Buzz. I hear his phone chime on the table. He silences it and stays fixated on me. 

Buzz. He tries to ignore it, hoping it will pass.

Buzz. He hesitates. Now completely distracted, he momentarily breaks away. “I’m so sorry. Do you mind if I take this real quick?”

I nod, moving from him so he can get up to take the call. I can’t really make out the conversation, but judging from his tone, it doesn’t seem great.

He hangs up the phone and shoots me with an apologetic smile, “Yaga needs me to help with some curse clean up, but it shouldn’t take long. I promise. Do you mind if I step away for a little bit?”

My brow furrows. “Why doesn’t he ever call for Satoru’s help?”

“For what it’s worth, he does call him. But have you met Satoru?”

“Yeah you’re right.” I remember our conversation from earlier. I get him out of so many things, he basically owes me for life. Damn you, Satoru. You owe him—or rather me, big time. I let out a sigh as disappointment washes over me.

Suguru gives me a soft kiss, though he knows that isn’t enough to satisfy the arousal between my legs. “I’m so sorry. Feel free so stay if you want, make yourself feel at home,” he starts. “It’s 12 right now, so I’ll probably be back in an hour—two hours, max. I promise.”

As he gathers himself together, Satoru approaches from his room and appears in the hallway crossing. He rests his arm on the edge of the frame and directs himself to Suguru. “Hey, I heard some shuffling, are you going somewhere?”

My eyes widen as I notice Satoru’s body stretched along the wall. He’s only wearing a pair of sweats while his top is completely bare. The sun from the windows hits the contours of his muscles, making his skin glisten. His white hair rests gently on his face as he tilts his head in curiosity. The blue in his eyes are centered on Suguru but the color still pierces my vision from afar.

My gaze goes from the top of the frame and travels down the length of Satoru’s forearms. It reaches the subtle curves of his bicep and slowly creeps down to the lines of his chest and the ridges of his abs. His build is lean, and his body is defined. My eyes slowly roam as they follow the lines of the V-shaped trail that leads right down to—fuck. Stop.

What am I doing?

I snap out of it and return to find myself plugged in mid-conversation.

“...I can go if you want,” Satoru finishes. 

Suguru continues to round up his things, but pauses to place an arm on Satoru’s shoulder and sighs. “I would love that, truly. But no offense, you’d probably get yourself into trouble. Yaga would just call me anyways to clean up your mess too.” He turns to me with a regretful look, pleading for forgiveness. “It’s just faster if I do it myself, I promise I’ll be quick.”

Satoru huffs as he rolls his eyes. “You’re right, but offense has still been taken.”

One more kiss and Suguru heads to the door. “Be a good mentor and take care of her while I’m gone. Try not to be an asshole.” His voice trails, but he stops momentarily to give me one last heartfelt smile. The door closes and my gut churns as I’m left staring at a shirtless Satoru.

Satoru lifts himself off of the frame and heads back to his room. Before the door shuts, he mockingly calls out, “Don’t worry angel, I’ll keep my hands to myself.”

I shake my head and let out an exasperated breath. Even when he’s being cordial, he still gets under my skin.

With Suguru gone, I’m unsure of what to do. My core still feels tight and there’s the lingering arousal between my legs. Satoru has locked himself in his room, so it feels like I have most of the apartment to myself. I use this as the perfect opportunity to draw myself a bath so I can finally relax. 

✦✧✸✧✦

Stepping into the tub, the immediate warmth cocoons me. It reminds me of being wrapped in Suguru’s embrace. I take a few moments to unwind, feeling the comfort of the water against my skin. My head rests on the edge of the tub as I close my eyes and let my mind drift…

Slowly…

Slowly…

Drift…

My vision jumps to Suguru as he hums into my breasts and teases my folds. His touch is warm and playful, but it’s no surprise that I long for more. The image in my mind is clear, but the feeling falls short. I let my hands slip between my thighs and let the gentle pressure of my fingers fuel my fantasy.

The image shifts, and I envision how Suguru’s frame completely overpowers me. His shoulders are wide, his muscles are thick, and I let my eyes trail down his beautiful body. The contours of his abs feel like steel, but his skin is smooth as his hips rock against me. My gaze reaches his cock and it’s already trickling in arousal.

He teases me, gently sliding the tip across my slit. I bite my lip to hold back my whimper. When he sees how needy I am for him, he guides his length into me and I feel him expand my walls. I let myself mimic the motions with my hands and a rush of pleasure flows through me.

Suguru grinds his hips, thrusting everything he has into me until my pussy is completely filled. The rhythmic motion leaves me dizzy and I can feel my vision beginning to blur. The tension inside me boils as I imagine the friction of his cock massaging me. All of his ridges compliment my own and I can feel myself drip with desire.

Suguru’s presence invades my thoughts and a moan escapes my breath. As I feel myself pulsate against the pressure of my fingers, a devilish voice drifts through my head. Though I can’t make out the voice, the thought just fuels my fire.

“He would tell you you’re soaking wet,” I continue working my clit until I’m on the brink of pleasure. I squirm as the tingles of my orgasm begin to peek over the horizon.

“He would say you’re god damn beautiful,” The words make my core flutter and my center continues to throb. I’m close, so close. The image in my head flips.

“Does he make you feel good?” Yes. So good. A vision of Satoru pounding into me resonates through my body. I’m about to—

“Yes, angel. Come for—” Fuck.

My eyes immediately shoot open when I realize the narrator of my thoughts. No, no, no, no. That did not just happen. I feel like I just woke up from a mortifying nightmare. But…if it’s a nightmare, then why do I still feel myself quiver? Stop.

I grab my towel and I shake my head to wipe away the image. As I let the bath drain, I find myself deep in thought. Why the hell is Satoru in my head and how do I get him out? I press my fingertips against my temples. Please just leave.

I try to collect myself, but memories of Friday with Satoru flood my brain. I get flashbacks of his fingers pressing into me and I immediately feel weak. I remember his tongue on my center and it makes my heart skip a beat. Stop. In my haste, I bolt out the door and collide into a large figure. 

I lift my head up to see Satoru standing before me. The warmth of his skin bounces off of me. “What the hell are you doing?” My voice is raised, but he doesn’t realize it’s because he invaded my thoughts. 

Satoru furrows his brow with one hand holding a towel around his waist, and the other raised up in defense. “Whoa, can’t I take a bath in my own house?”

My pupils dilate when I realize our towels are the only thing in between our bodies. It takes every bit of willpower to not let my eyes linger below his waist. I decide to keep my head down and swiftly maneuver past him. “Oh, right. Fine, just go ahead.” I get to the front of Suguru’s door, and my hand hovers over the knob.

Before I can turn it, Satoru calls out to me. “By the way, I noticed you were a little loud in there.” I try to move, but my body stands still. ”Were those moans for me?”

I’m frozen in shock. I tilt my head to see if his gaze is darting towards me—it’s not. Instead, all I see is his towel drop, but the door shuts before I can see it hit the floor. Nice ass—Stop.

My cheeks flush, my heart races, and I’m pretty sure my entire soul has left my body. How do I leave every interaction with Satoru feeling absolutely mortified?

Chapter 8: Repeat

Were those moans for me? No. Yes—I mean kinda? So what if they were? Fucking hell, this cannot be happening right now. Stupid Satoru and his stupid charm.

As I struggle to push the thoughts aside, I check the clock and it’s 12:30 pm. It’s only been thirty minutes since Suguru left. That’s okay, I can just relax in his room and avoid Satoru for the next hour and a half. I let out a groan and try to figure out my next move.

I set the towel down and look at my options for clothing—Suguru’s shirt from last night, dirty. The dress that I wore here, dirty. My panties sitting on the floor, soaked… and dirty. With my options limited, I settle for a fresh t-shirt from Suguru’s dresser, hoping he won’t mind. Similar to the last one, this one barely grazes my knees—but it’s cozy nonetheless.

I spend some time mindlessly scrolling away on my phone, until my stomach starts to growl—I haven’t eaten since breakfast. I tiptoe my way to the door and press my ear against the wood to see if there’s any sign of Satoru in the common space. It seems quiet, so I think the coast is clear—but of course, it isn’t.

Satoru is sitting at the dining table with his headphones in. He looks like he’s intently watching something on his phone. His hair is a bit wet, and he still hasn't gotten around to putting on a shirt. Can’t blame him though, it is his apartment after all. After a moment, he notices that I’ve stepped out of Suguru’s room and pauses the video to talk to me.

“Oh hey, you’re alive! I thought you were either masturbating, napping, or dead so I didn’t want to disturb you.”

I give him a half smile, spotting an unfinished plate of food resting in front of him. It reminds me why I went out in the first place.

“You’re probably hungry. Here, I can warm up something for you.” Before I can protest, he’s already up to grab me a plate, some chopsticks, and containers from the refrigerator.

“Oh okay, thanks.” Satoru hasn’t teased me yet. In fact, he’s actually being nice? So far so good. I take a seat at the table and try to figure out what’s playing on his phone. “What are you watching?”

“It’s this movie about some mad scientist who turns—”

“People into worms,” I help finish off his sentence.

He smiles. “Yeah, Human Earthworm 4. You know it? One of my students keeps pestering me to watch it. It’s messed up, but I actually think it’s kinda funny.”

“Yeah, I knew I recognized it! I’ve seen this one before and it’s pretty good. Unlike the others, this one feels more like a romance.” I reply with a laugh. 

After setting down my food, Satoru disconnects his headphones and moves his plate to the spot next to mine. He props his phone in between us and we spend the last 20 minutes of the movie eating our lunch, huddled closely together around his phone. His body heat radiates as our shoulders touch, sending a brief shock through me.

When we finish our meal, I wipe down the table while he washes the dishes in the sink. We laugh about the movie, share sentiments about the storyline, Satoru even comes up with theories on what Human Earthworm 5 would be like. In moments like this, I’m reminded of the times in our mentorship where we actually got along. This is nice—this Satoru is nice.

As I finish putting the last container back into the fridge, I hear him turn off the faucet. I turn around to see him dry his hands and lean on the edge of the counter. I can tell something in his demeanor has changed. His mouth opens to say something, but he decides to keep it shut.

“Is everything okay?”

He looks away, scratching the back of his head as if he’s nervous to speak. “So, you never answered my question.”

“What question?”

“Your bath. Your moans. Were they—”

I immediately cut him off while my eyes roll, and my shoulders drop. I was hoping he wouldn’t bring it up, but I should’ve known better. All Satoru wants to do in life is get under my skin. “I really don’t understand you. I know you’re capable of being a nice and normal human being, so why do you insist on antagonizing me like this?”

He takes a step forward, like it’s a challenge. “You’re not denying it, so I can’t be completely wrong.”

My mouth twitches open, but I hesitate. I guess I’m not denying it.

Satoru moves another inch closer, causing me to take a small step back. His powerful presence is all I can feel. His velvety tone delivers his words nice and slow. “Do you want to know the beauty of the Six Eyes, angel? It means that I can see everything.”

I feel the heat rush to my cheeks and I take in a sharp breath. Everything? What does he mean by everything? “Wh—What are you talking about?” I stammer.

His words are paced and methodical. “I see the way your cursed energy changes every time I walk in the room.”

There’s silence.

“...I can see the way it gravitates towards me when I rest on the doorframe, and the way it struggles to hold your gaze up when I’m wrapped in a towel.”

The sound of my heart fills the room.

“...I see the way it vibrates when you try to get a glimpse of my ass.”

My jaw drops open, but nothing comes out.

“...And I definitely see it sync with your heartbeat whenever I whisper in your ear.”

His hand grazes my shoulder while the other gently caresses my waist. I let him. My gaze locks onto his and I’m completely hypnotized.

Satoru slowly leans down and stops until his face is next to mine. “You want me, angel.”

I stiffen my spine, in hopes of him seeing that I won’t back down. But who am I kidding? I’ve already been caught in his trap. As I take in the scent of his freshly bathed body, I feel myself gush between my thighs. In that instant, I’m reminded that my only piece of clothing is an oversized shirt. “So what if I do?”

Satoru smiles, gently pinning me against the refrigerator. He places his forehead on top of mine and can feel his gaze burn through me. “Do you remember the rules I told you about on your first day back?”

One—If you want me, don’t want me.

Two—If you need me, don’t need me.

Three—If you need my help, help yourself first.

I let him lift my chin and gently kiss my lips. “I think they were for me more than they were for you. Because right now, I want you too.” 

When I kiss him back, I feel his touch become more needy. I haven’t said a single word, but he knows my actions speak louder. He grabs my waist and flips me around so that my hips are pinned against his counter, allowing him to go deeper into the kiss. His grip is demanding, desperate to feel every bit of my body.

“I played nice and let Suguru have his fun, but I’m telling you right now—I need you.” He briefly pulls away and I see a rush of desire filling his hungry eyes. “So please angel, help me.”

I direct one of his hands to the bulge of his pants and the other underneath my shirt and in between my legs.  “How about you help yourself first.”

“No panties? Angel, you’re making this way too easy.” Satoru tugs down his pants to reveal his cock, stroking it as he teases my folds. He drops his forehead onto my shoulder and I hear him groan as he pleases himself. The size of his length is enough to make me gasp. I watch his large hands tug on it before my vision is blocked by Satoru pressing his lips into mine.

My arms stretch back onto the counter and I can feel the coolness of the sink spike through my fingers. My head rolls back and the rays of sunlight blind me as Satoru kisses his way down my neck.

“I always thought you were a good girl,” he growls in my ear. “I never expected you to prove me wrong.”

The words send shivers down my spine and I immediately tangle my fingers into his hair. He slides his fingers inside of me and my slick oozes out onto his hands. I feel the warmth of his pads, the ridges of his knuckles, I feel everything. He glides himself in and out, and the pressure instantly makes my walls convulse.

He continues to jack himself off and his breath becomes labored. The warmth in his breath hugs me as his kisses move back to my mouth. He’s desperately clinging to my lips and I can hear his groans as I tug on his hair.

He breaks away, panting, leaving our faces inches from each other. “Do you want to know the real reason I left that day?” he reveals. 

My gaze locks onto his beautiful blue eyes.

“If I stayed, I would’ve wanted more. I would’ve dropped my limitless and it would be over.” Satoru slows down the pace of his fingers, and I feel myself dripping down on him with excitement. I guide the rest of his pants off and he gently lifts off my shirt.

The softness of his skin roams my body, leaving a trail of fire within me. When his hands are done searching, he drags them up to cup my face. “I left because… If I had the chance to feel you, and I mean really feel you, I would’ve fucked you until your legs give out.”

My mouth twitches and I raise my brow to challenge him. “Prove it.”

Before I can even think, Satoru’s hands race to grab a hold of my thighs. He lifts me up until my elbows are resting on the counter and my feet are off the floor. His grip is powerful as he drives his cock straight into me. No easing, no adjusting, just pure thrusting. I immediately throw my head back and moan in sincere delight, knocking over the dish rack behind me.

His hands venture over to my ass, squeezing so hard like he wants to milk every last bit of me. I don’t mind the bruises as long as it showers me with bliss. The pounding of his hips against mine reverberates through the entire room. All I hear is our moans mix with groans and he’s fucking me senseless like a messy symphony of pleasure and pain. 

As his cock drills into me, I feel my back ache as he presses me into the counter. The edges dig into me, but the arousal between my legs overpowers it all. “Fuck.”

When Satoru notices, he eases his stroke to pick me up, and carries me to the table. “Maybe this will be a little more comfortable for you.”

I feel my cheeks touch the surface and slowly lower my back onto the wood. Satoru picks up one of my legs and throws it over his shoulder. Once he settles, he resumes pace and doesn’t let up. Whatever angle he has me at has his cock ramming directly into the sensitive spot in my pussy. I struggle to find a grip on the table, causing the vase of faux plants to crash. 

“Angel, you are so tight.” His words have my moans growing louder by the second. How can I be an angel when Satoru fucks me like he’s the god damn devil?

His pace slowly increases and I feel my orgasm works its way to my core. “S—so close.”

Satoru removes his hold from my waist and brings his fingers to his mouth. He wraps his lips around them, before placing them on my clit. The initial shock stuns me, causing my walls to contract. He works with an even pressure, smearing all of my slick around me. The vibrations of his fingers build up inside of me and I can feel my body on the brink of release. He gives one last thrust, knocking down a chair and shaking the table, and I immediately crumble.

My orgasm shoots out from my core, down my legs, and through my toes. I let out a moan but it feels like my cry can be heard from miles away. The pleasure overtakes me and a rush of ecstasy floods my brain. My eyes snap shut, my body tenses, but as my orgasm fades, I wonder if I just died and got railed to heaven.

Satoru falls over me, panting hard to catch his breath. He lifts his head and curls his mouth into a smile. I return his smile with a complementary chuckle.

I slowly prop myself up when suddenly, a voice suddenly emerges from the hallway. “Satoru, you cheeky little bastard. When I said take care of her, I didn’t mean it like that.” Fuck. Suguru.

My mind goes blank and I can’t even move. Satoru’s head perks up as he turns to face Suguru. The air is tense and the silence lingers for far too long. Time slows down and it feels like no one has moved in what feels like hours. As I focus my attention on Suguru, I’m puzzled to see the reaction on his face. I fully expect anger and rage, but it’s…not?

“Hey, I—” Satoru starts.

Suguru lifts up his brow and the side of his mouth twitches into a smirk. “Well, are you going to let me join, or am I just gonna sit here and watch?”

As my eyes widen, Satoru turns his head back towards me. “See angel, I told you he wouldn’t mind sharing.”

Read Part 3 Here

[skania]

THOUGHTS ON TOMMY & LIZZIE IN S6 (PART 2)

So this has been in my drafts for almost a year now. I kept putting it off because I wanted to rewatch the season to write my thoughts more coherently, but by now I think that’s just not happening so I’m posting it as is lol

Part 1 HERE 

Once again, this post will contain tons of images, and spoilers for the entirety of Season 5 and Season 6. So, read at your own discretion!

So where I left off, Tommy and Lizzie had chosen to overcome Ruby's death and all the pain and stay together. 

Tommy even makes her another promise, that he will change and change for good. For real this time. Just not yet. 

The thing is, Tommy is right when he says has no limitations. He doesn't know when to stop. So, he doesn’t stop to think that other people may have a limit to how much they are willing to put up with. He figures that as long as he can keep providing for them, that as long as he can stay at the top of the chain, people will stay. That they will need him.

I feel like this is the crux of his behavior towards Lizzie, but when it comes to her, it’s not about the money. In his lowest moments, Tommy likes to pretend that it is; like in the S3 where he tries to give her money only for Lizzie to refuse to take it. Or in S5, when he lashes out saying that everyone needs him, she included.

But what keeps Lizzie by his side isn’t his money, it’s loyalty. It’s her love for him. Tommy knows this. It’s the reason why, whenever he does something he knows she will not like, Tommy feels guilty but still expects her to put up with it. And really, Lizzie has put up with so much throughout the series that Tommy's expectations aren't unfounded.

Until Diana happens.

Diana

The powerful thing about this scene is that all at once, Tommy knows that he has gone too far. He knows this is something he can’t ask Lizzie to overlook. Something she may not be able to forgive.

What Lizzie feared has come true. He has crossed the line.

The focus on his wedding ring tells us all we need to know, but what follows is just as striking.

His guilt, his panic is such that he feels trapped. He is back in those tunnels in France, a man with a death sentence and no way out.

And it’s all because he has stained Lizzie yet again.

Honestly, there’s a lot to say about Tommy’s dynamic with Lizzie. Tommy keeps most of his relationships transactional, but what Lizzie asks of him—what she deserves of him—is something Tommy doesn’t know how to give. I think this is part of what makes Lizzie get under his skin the way she does.

She loves him thoroughly and honestly and Tommy doesn’t know what to do with that because he doesn’t love himself, so he doesn’t know how to love her right, either. But—and that’s the thing—he wants to try. He sincerely wants to be a better man.

This is why he has such a visceral reaction to sleeping with Diana. Lizzie deserves better, she deserves so much better and Tommy is painfully aware of this. The fact that he was even capable of doing this to her makes him sick, because what does that say about the kind of man he is?

He changes the combination to the safe after this.

It’s not even because of his sickness, but because of this betrayal. He doesn’t want Lizzie to know. He doesn’t want to hurt her. Not yet. Not when he doesn’t have results that could perhaps, somehow, make her understand why he did it.

The saddest thing is that back when Tommy took Lizzie to that hotel room, he offered to let Lizzie into some of his plans, and she rejected his offer. She said she knew enough, because she was hurt at finding herself at the top of Tommy’s regrets. But now that she understands he doesn’t regret her, Lizzie is willing to give him another chance. She wants to know again.

But now more than ever, Tommy can’t let her in. All he can give her is a promise that he hopes he will be able to keep. That once everything is done, he will bare himself to her, sins and all.

The way he even restates his promise to her during the dinner shows the importance he is giving to it. Even now, Tommy thinks there’s time to make things right.

Of course, nothing ever goes the way he plans, so Diana comes in and the bomb explodes.

This scene is tragic but it’s so funny at the same time. He doesn’t even dare to look at Lizzie when Diana reveals they slept together. He tries to but immediately looks forward again. How sad is that lol

He is literally seething after Lizzie leaves. These two bastards humiliated Lizzie — and doomed his marriage — because he himself gave them the ammo.

And then Mosley goes and twists the knife right where it hurts.

How ironic! Tommy’s entire conflict with Lizzie this season is the entire opposite! The irony is not lost on Tommy, he kept to wine despite the american’s insistance that he switch to whiskey, but after this he does ditch the wine to pour himself a glass of whiskey lmao

This exchange pretty much summarizes everything Tommy has come to realize about himself and Lizzie this season.

Tommy tries and tries to do the right thing, but his means are always wrong. Sleeping with Diana is just the latest in a list of fuck-ups, and he has come to realize that even though he would like to believe the opposite, he can’t be what Lizzie deserves him to be because he does belong at that table.

And that’s the saddest ending.

The ending he has brought on himself.

Lizzie’s goodbye

It's funny because Tommy is an inherently selfish person. He is greedy and self-centered and single-minded. Despite having no plans of making her his wife, he tricked Lizzie into not marrying John in Season 1 and made sure she wouldn't date Angeal in Season 3. 

What this all comes down to is that Tommy is caught in a hell of his own making but he's not selfless enough to let her go, because he wants her by his side.

Hell, if it weren't for his sickness, I bet Tommy would've found a way to convince Lizzie to stay, even after Diana. But his sickness and his lack of future (she doesn’t deserve what I’ll become) give Tommy the last push he needs to finally put Lizzie first and to free her from the curse (him), so he lets her go without a fuss.

The tragedy in all of this, is that this is the first time Tommy has been selfless about her. This is the first time he has truly put her first. But Lizzie doesn’t know this, because she never found out why the bomb was ticking.

This is literally the biggest act of love Tommy has ever done for her, but she doesn’t even know it. To her, his acceptance probably only confirms that he doesn’t love her enough.

Truly tragic from beginning to end.

The Rings

This was one of my favorite details this season. She takes hers off, but Tommy keeps his on until the bitter end. He wears it until the very day he intends to die.

Even though Lizzie has left him, Tommy keeps the reminder of their marriage on him. He chooses to stay married to her until his last moments.

Which is no surprise because even during that plane ride, Lizzie and all the ways he failed her kept weighting on his mind. 

Right now, In this Moment

I wanted to wrap this up with this scene, because holy hell did we have to wait for it.

In Part 1, I talked about muy favorite bits: the parallels behind Lizzie knowing the combination to the safe, and Tommy saying that she married a man and she married a curse. But there’s something else that really stood out to me about Tommy’s wording, and it’s the way he choses to frame his long-time-coming confession.

I feel like this has so many layers; the wording is utterly deliberate and means a lot of things at once. Tommy chose that place because they have no history there; unlike Arrow House, there are no painful memories there. It isn’t tainted by their past and their mistakes. It’s a blank canvas where it’s just him and her.

But there’s more to it than that. Tommy dreads what he will become. Not only because of his business, but most of all, because of his sickness. 

He fears he will have to crawl, grow insane and helpless. A few months from now, he may not even be aware of who he is and of the way he feels about her.

So I feel that he is essentially telling her: for the record, in this moment, when I am of sound mind, and in this room, where you and I are all that matter, I want you to know that I love you. I wanted you to know this, while I can still say it. Please remember it.

And of course, Lizzie knows at once that something is wrong. That Tommy is like a bomb waiting to explode, because why else would he be admitting that he loves her now? Why else would he be expressing it with such ominous wording?

So all in all, Season 6 is just really bittersweet because it’s like Tommy and Lizzie didn’t even have a fighting chance. He was dead because of Polly, dead because of Ruby, dead because of business, dead because of his illness; and then Lizzie is gone.

Throughout Peaky Blinders, we saw Tommy fight his love for Lizzie, we saw him accept it, then we saw him admit it; but we never got to see them happy the way we should have. There was always something bigger than them going on, and it’s a huge shame.

In all honesty, I have no idea what is expecting them in the movie. In a way, I think Tommy knows that finally letting her go is the best thing he has ever done for her. In that way, their chapter may truly be closed.

But if he does manage to change, to truly change for good and become a man worthy of having her by his side, then I’d like for him to think he deserves to fight for her. I do think that despite everything, Lizzie would likely give him another chance.

Because for better or worse, Lizzie loves Tommy Shelby. And while it was often for the worse, Tommy Shelby loves her too.

[finn-m-corvex]

Jaya Week 2023 Day 3: Surprise

I told myself I wasn't going to do this. "Finn, you have to do something different," I told myself in the mirror yesterday, but before I could stop myself I had already written 500 words of this and it was too late to start it again so, I did it (and I'm damn proud of it). I did the thing that everyone was probably expecting for this prompt and I can't even say I regret it, because this was a ton of fun to write and I love how it turned out.

Words: 2.3k

TWs: vomiting mention, nothing graphic whatsoever but I thought I would put it here

[REUPLOAD!]

“This is pointless!” Nya yelled, throwing down the magazine with enough force to bend the spine. “None of these have what I need!”

She stomped over the pile of already discarded magazines, crumpling their colorful covers with the soles of her sandals. Running her hands through her hair, Nya kept pacing, ignoring the stack of books that lay innocently on the floor in the corner of the room. Running out to get them without any of the others finding out had been a hassle, and she wasn’t entirely successful with keeping it a secret: Pixal had always been the best at figuring out what they were hiding.

Maybe she had already suspected it, as Nya was absolutely positive that she herself had never bought tests to stock their shared products cabinet in the bathroom. Of course, the night before she had gone looking for a test Nya had found herself hunched over the toilet well after midnight, unable to stop throwing up everything that Zane had made for dinner. Her only coherent thought was about how she was partly glad that Jay had decided to stay with his parents for the next couple days, but that she was also miserable without him there to whisper soothing words in her ear and hold back her hair.

A hand did pull her hair back, and Nya groaned when cool metal pressed against the back of her neck to feel for a fever. “Nya, what are you doing here at this hour?” Pixal had asked, crouching down next to the water ninja with a frown on her face.

“Been in here for a while,” Nya murmured, letting her cheek rest on the toilet seat, “and I can’t stop throwing up. Must’ve had something bad.”

“If you had food poisoning, then I guarantee that this bathroom would be much more crowded right now,” Pixal said, sitting down fully. “Are you sure that could be the only reason?”

“What do you mean?”

Pixal grimaced, like she had been hoping that Nya wouldn’t ask her that. “You and Jay are…active, yes?”

Nya raised an eyebrow. “...if you’re implying what I think you’re implying, then yes.”

“Have you considered the possibility of being pregnant?”

Nya.exe stopped working.

Her friend (sister, let’s be honest) had comforted her for the rest of the night as she tried to put the pieces together, eventually breaking down in loud sobs that had Pixal wrapping her arms around Nya’s shoulders. Nya tried to explain that she wasn’t crying because of the fact that she might be pregnant (oh, First Master she was pregnant), but Pixal shushed her. She didn’t have to explain anything, the samurai had said as she smoothed her hand between Nya’s shoulderblades.

It wasn’t long before the other boys found out. Cole and Zane were the first of them, both having walked in on Nya looking at web pages with cute pregnancy reveal ideas. She hated all of them.

Cole looked concerned when he stepped into the room to find Nya sitting upside down on their couch, her phone thrown over the edge and lying face down on the floor. “Everything okay, Nya?”

She groaned, which made Cole look over to his nindroid brother. Zane could only shrug, “Has Jay done something to upset you?”

“You could say that,” and maybe just a little of her inner turmoil leaked into her voice, because soon her two brothers were sitting on either side of her, Cole leaning against the back while Zane sat up straight. They waited until she had resituated herself to be sitting correctly, and both of their faces darkened when they saw how upset she looked.

“Whatever stupid thing he’s done now,” Cole said seriously, “it doesn’t mean anything. We’ll give him a talk for you, Nya.”

Zane was nodding in solidarity, and Nya knew that she should probably say something to make sure her Yin kept all of his fingers. “It’s not entirely Jay’s fault.”

“Then what happened?” Zane asked gently, taking her hand in his robotic one. “I have not seen you like this for quite some time, Nya. Cole and I only want to help you.”

No time like the present, she thought to herself, biting her lip before biting the bullet. “If I tell you guys something, you have to keep it a secret, alright?”

“Absolutely.” the earth ninja reaffirmed, Zane echoing his sentiment.

“I’m pregnant.”

Both of them had stared at her. Cole’s lips were moving up and down like a fish, while Zane’s eyes were wide with surprise. Nya shrunk into herself, suddenly very self-conscious of what exactly she had just told her brothers, and the movement brought them back to their senses when they cuddled closer on both sides.

Cole was the first one to get over his shock. “You’re serious?”

“Yes,” Nya sighed, “I’m serious. I was throwing up all last night and Pixal got me a few tests to confirm it. They were positive.”

“I’m gonna be an uncle?!”

That was not the reaction that Nya had been anticipating. “Yes?”

“Holy crap!” Cole’s face lit up with an elated grin. “Zane! We’re gonna be uncles!”

Nya watched in amazement as her two biggest brothers danced around their living room, Cole whooping at the top of his lungs while Zane congratulated her with gusto. She knew that they never would’ve expressed their true feelings if any of them had been negative, but she wasn’t quite expecting the level of joy that was filling the room to the brim. Although Nya should’ve known better than to think that the other ninja would be anything less than supportive of her and Jay.

She made them promise to keep it a secret until Jay had gotten back, and they both had solemnly sworn with their hands over their hearts (in Zane’s case, his power source) to not breathe a word until Jay knew.

Which had led Nya to right now, tossing yet another baby magazine to the side in frustration as she sat down on her bed with a huff. For all of the hubbub that the small things generated at the grocery store, why were all of them so useless?!

Knocking on her door frame, Lloyd peeked his head in, quickly followed by Kai. “Nya?”

Diving for the pile of things on the floor, Nya did her best to cover them up. “This isn’t what it looks like!”

“What is it…supposed to look like?” Lloyd asked, and Nya watched in horror as Kai picked up a magazine that she had hurled at the door in a fit of rage over awful baby name suggestions.

Kai held it up to read the cover, eyes narrowing. “Ninjago’s Top Baby Names…wait. Is Benthomaar pregnant?!”

WHAT?!

“No, you idiot!” Nya yelled, forgetting about the magazines she was hiding and storming up to her brother and snatching the magazine from his hands, rolling it up into a tube and whacking him over the head. “Benthomaar can’t even get pregnant!”

“But there’s some ocean animals where the guy gets pregnant, right?! Isn’t he one of those?!”

“Those are seahorses, Kai!” she seethed, threatening to whack him again, “Does he look like a seahorse to you?”

Wow, the books weren’t kidding when they said the pregnancy hormones were intense.

Her older brother was saved by Lloyd gently wrapping his arms around her middle, and Nya relaxed when she felt his head plop down onto her shoulder. “There’s no need to be violent, Nya. We just wanted to come check on you because you’ve been acting a little weird for the past few days, and Cole and Zane won’t tell us anything. Is something wrong?”

She bit her lip. This wasn’t exactly how she wanted to tell them, but it would have to suffice. “I-I’m pregnant, not Benthomaar.”

A beat. Two beats. Suddenly she was being twirled in a circle by Lloyd, who was also bouncing up and down and shouting with glee. When he finally put her down, he gave her one of the brightest smiles she had ever seen. “Nya! That’s amazing! You and Jay are gonna be parents!”

For some reason, Lloyd’s reaction wasn’t the one that Nya was the most concerned about. She turned around to look at Kai, who had a rare soft smile on his face. His eyes were blinking with unshed tears, and Nya could only hope that they were from happiness rather than the disappointment that she had been worrying about.

Kai saw her hesitation and held out his arms. “C’mere sis.”

Nya didn’t hesitate to wrap her arms around her brother’s shoulders and squeeze, feeling his arms coil themselves around her waist in an embrace that brought back all of her childhood memories. Kai’s chuckle only made her squeeze tighter. “I’m so proud of you, Nya. It’s going to be great for you and Jay, just wait and see.”

“Yeah,” she said wetly, willing herself to not cry, “we’re gonna have a great time.”

“What’s going to be a great time?”

The water ninja was not prepared for the speed at which Kai let her go, wheeling around and tackling her Yin five feet down the hall with a surprised shout. Nya startled when Lloyd slammed the door to her and Jay’s shared bedroom shut, and the blond turned to face her with wide eyes.

“Kai can keep him busy,” Lloyd said quickly, “but I don’t know for how long. I’ll help you put these away so he doesn’t see!”

Except for some reason, Nya wasn’t sure if she wanted to hide them. She paused, and Lloyd stared at her in bewilderment, and both of them jumped when they heard Kai hollering down the hall for reinforcements. It only took a second before she heard Jay breaking out into a fit of panicked giggles and yelling for Kai to stop tickling him.

She was a good Yang, and Jay was one of the most sensitive people she had ever met when it came to tickles, so she couldn’t really leave him out there to fend for himsefl, right?

Lloyd didn’t try to stop her from opening the door and stepping out of the room, only following with a curious look on his face. Nya was not at all surprised to see the scene before her: Jay was floundering around, laughing, desperately pushing at Kai’s chest while the fire ninja went to town on his brother’s ribs. Cole came rocketing from around the corner with a devious grin on his face, with Pixal and Zane trailing behind, both looking equally befuddled.

“Look who's finally home!” Cole said, and Kai only paused in his onslaught to let the earth ninja haul Jay up by the armpits. Nya knew that if she was going to interfere, it had to be before Cole curled his hand into her Yin’s underarms to make Jay start screaming bloody murder.

“Boys,” she chastised, and everyone turned to look at her. Jay’s face went from nervous anticipation to joyful glee in a matter of seconds. “Leave him alone.”

Cole and Kai looked somewhat disappointed, with the former letting Jay down to stand on his own two feet. Jay rushed forward, exclaiming her name and hugging her tightly to his chest. Butterflies swarmed in her stomach when she felt him kiss her neck, and Nya pulled back a little to cup his face in her hands.

Jay pecked her on the lips, and Nya was all too happy to reciprocate despite Kai and Lloyd fake-gagging in the background. “Hi, sweetheart. How were your parents?”

“Good,” Jay said sweetly, rubbing his thumb along the small of her back. “They’re all good, except Ma was asking a lot of questions about grandkids, for some reason. I think she and Pa have been going to the park and hanging out around the playground way too much.”

Nya could’ve drowned Cole when he coughed in the background, followed up by Kai muttering something about how Jay interrupted them. Jay turned to the brunette with a questioning frown. “What did I interrupt?”

She glared at Kai, who only shrunk back behind Zane with a sheepish look. Jay looked back at her, noticing the underlying nervousness in her expression. He squeezed her hand, and Nya glanced up to see the worry in his eyes.

“Hey,” he started, and Nya was surprised at how softly he was speaking, “is everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Nya said in a tone that she hoped was confident, but it didn’t sound very convincing; Jay’s look of worry only grew. “Everything’s fine, Jay. It’s just…”

“What?”

Taking a deep breath, Nya steeled her nerves, looking her Yin in the eyes. “Jay, I’m pregnant.”

“You’re-you’re what?” Jay stammered, his face blushing ever so lightly in a way that made Nya want to kiss him senseless. “You’re pregnant?”

“I am.”

“I’m gonna be a dad?”

“Surprise! You’re gonna be a dad, Jay,” and nothing could’ve prepared Nya for the tears that started rolling down his face, and she was quick to start wiping them away with her thumbs.

He leaned forward and kissed her softly, his hands travelling up and tangling in her hair. She smiled into the kiss, some of his tears touching her lips and turning their sweet kiss salty. When Nya finally pulled back, there wasn’t an ounce of sadness to be found, and instead laughter bubbled out of Jay’s mouth.

“I-I’m gonna be a dad,” and he turned to look at all of his brothers and sister, who all had matching looks of happiness on their faces, “I’m going to be a dad!”

Cole was the first one to rush forward, quickly followed by Kai as they glumped the blue ninja into a big hug, making room for Lloyd to pop in under Kai’s arm and Zane wrapping his arms around them from behind. Jay’s smile only grew with every bit of praise that they showered him with, although Nya was sure she saw some pokes into his belly every few moments.

She startled when Pixal hugged her from behind, laying her head on Nya’s shoulder. “I think this was the best surprise you could’ve ever given him, Nya.”

And Nya started laughing, because it was the best surprise that she could’ve asked for herself, too.

[skzshiplore]

SIR KIM

Seungmin was serious when he told STAY not to go to other idols concerts. He’s selfish and he wants what’s his to remain only his. He was also talking to you in particular. For you it translates to “don’t look at/for other men”. The only other men he’s willing to share you with are his members and even that’s a stretch for him. He doesn’t like watching you fuck the others, he doesn’t like letting the others watch him fuck you and he rarely ever fucks you with the others.

You don’t mind though because he treats you well. He doesn’t tell you that you can’t fuck the others, he understands the groups dynamics. But when it’s his turn you’re all his.

You all went out one day on a casual stroll to the park and you might have given a second glance to someone on the street. A little too much of a glance for Seungmins liking. You had no idea he’d been watching you, everyone was caught up in their own conversation so you thought you were off the hook. Seungmin started plotting at that very moment.

“Pick a member” he demands. You were confused but you chose anyway. That was earlier today. Now you were locked inside Seungmins room with I.n’s head between your legs as he attacked your pussy. Seungmin is slitting in a chair in the corner of his room watching.

“Eyes on me! If you lose eye contact with me at any point I promise you’ll regret it” he says in an even tone that sends shivers down your already sensitive spine.

Jeongin brings you to your peak for the first time that night on his fingers and scarily skillful tongue. Minnie demands that you ride him next keeping your eyes locked on him as you do it.

Jeongin lays down with his hard veiny cock twitching and leaking against his stomach. He’s aware that he’s being used for whatever sick game Seungmin was playing but he gets his dick wet so he won’t complain.

You straddle the maknae and slide down his shaft with a gasp. Jeongin is quite big and this position allows him to fill you up well. You begin to ride his cock while staring into Seungmins soul as requested. You’re not sure why this is happening but at the moment you can’t bare to complain.

“Look at you. A filthy whore riding another man’s cock. You know I hate to see you like this princess so why would you make me do this? Hmm” he questions condescendingly. You can’t bother to reply with how turned on you are right now so all you can spare is a moan.

“Do you think that man could fuck you like we do? Like I do? If he was here right now instead of us do you think he’d fill you up like we do?”

“Fuck no” you moan breathlessly. You quicken your pace because you’re close and you’re hoping he’ll let you cum soon.

“No one will ever fuck you like we do. No one will ever love you like we do. Nobody knows your body the way we do. So the next time you think about or look at another man remember this okay princess?”

“Mmh yes Minnie fuck!! I’m sorry can I cum please Minnie please!!” You beg on Jeongins cock. You can’t even bother to ride him anymore your mind is hazy. Jeongin knows this and takes control by planting his feet to the bed and is now fucking up into you.

“That’s not my name baby. You know my name”

“Sir Kim please!!! Fuck me!! Please can I cum Sir Kim please” you babble all coherent thoughts gone from your mind.

“Good girl. I’m sure you’ve learned your lesson. Go ahead and cum on his cock like the whore you are” he grants.

That’s all it takes to push you over the edge. You know you fucked up but you were so fucked out you couldn’t keep your eyes open a second longer. I.N cums in you not too long after with a stifled moan due to the tight grip your pulsing wet pussy has on his cock. You collapse on his chest spent and breathless but I.N just holds you giving soft kisses to your sweaty forehead.

Through the fog of your brain you hear Seungmin rise from his seat and walk toward the bed. You can barely open your eyes but you try anyways. As you look up you lock eyes with him to find he looks disappointed.

Shit..

“You might have learned one lesson princess but it seems I’ll have to teach you another. Clean this mess up and get out” he demands softly before exiting his room.

You fell light laughter rumbling from the maknae chest and you question him. “You made him mad again” he laughs “only you can make the puppy act like this.”

“Shut up!!” You chuckle slightly smacking his chest playfully.

Kim Seungmin was a juxtaposition. The persona he shared with his fans was so different from that of his bedroom personality. You loved them both honestly.

Tired and spent from whatever the hell just happened you figure if he’s already pissed off you might as well defy him a little more. So you do. You fall asleep right in his bed on Jeongins chest with his softened cock still buried inside you.

You shouldn’t have done that.

[luvyanfei]

WHEN YOU FALL ASLEEP ON HIS SHOULDER 

ft. xiao, albedo, diluc, kaeya, scaramouche, childe, zhongli & venti non-requested piece

XIAO doesn’t know how to react when he feels a heavy weight on top of his shoulder and finds your head leaned against him comfortably, your eyes closed. his fingers reach out to push you off of him, but he decides against it at the last minute. it would be rather indecent of him to disturb your sleep, and now that you’re unconscious, he’s able to study your face up close without needing to concern himself about getting caught. “how silly.” he murmurs to no one in particular. “to think that someone like you is capable of breaking down my walls. i thought i discarded human emotions long ago, but is it really alright for me to love you?” why is he confessing all this aloud, who knows. XIAO leans in close to your face till his lips are barely touching yours. he stays like that for quite some time before he reluctantly pulls back. mortified of himself, he turns around slightly to stare at the leaves soaring in the light breeze, but he fails to notice the slight blush on your face as you struggle to keep your eyes closed. perhaps once you ‘wake up’, you’ll surprise him with an innocuous kiss to finish what he’s started. 

ALBEDO glances up from the sketching he’s occupied his time in perfecting, and accidentally moves too quickly that he stirs you awake. you groan in exasperation, rubbing at your eyes before you gasp at what you’ve just done. sheepishly, you mumble out an apology for bothering him, but your wrist is ensnared in his firm grip and he gently guides your head back to rest on his shoulder. he strokes your flushed cheeks with his cool fingers and kisses you chastely on the forehead. “it’s okay. take a little break if you need to. i’ll be here when you wake up.” 

DILUC ends up sighing without a second thought and turns away from your sleeping form sheepishly as he blushes uncontrollably. his heart is pulsating loudly against his ribcage and he’s having trouble thinking coherently due to the very close proximity shared between you two. are you even comfortable sleeping on his shoulder? his posture is pretty rigid so it probably feels like lying on a boulder. ever so slowly, he lifts you up in his arms to tuck you into bed, but freezes once he hears a tired yawn. “sorry. am i disturbing you? you fell asleep, so i’m just taking you to your room.” you shake your head and give him a closed-mouth smile, encouraging him to move forward. he brings you down on the mattress and covers you with the warmth of the blanket. “good night, my love.” 

KAEYA can’t help but smirk to himself. really, you’re too trusting for falling asleep on his shoulder so casually like this. aren’t you even just a little bit suspicious of him? well, your innocence is what infatuated him to you in the first place. he gives you a light pat on the back and chuckles softly. “i hope you’re not like this with anyone else,” he mutters, watching an eye out in case any opponents are lurking around. despite being a cryo wielder, his hands feel rather warm as he cups your delicate fingers with his. it feels nice, not having anything to worry about if you’re trapped in pleasant dreams. as cruel as reality is, KAEYA is glad that you’re here to sweeten up his lonely days. 

SCARAMOUCHE scowls and pushes you off of him roughly. what is he, a pillow? startled, you have to balance yourself before you topple to the ground. glaring at the harbinger, you instead lean your head against the shoulder of the person that is closest to you and dozes off, in front of him no less. unknown to you, this immediately sets off his jealousy and the poor guy, who he immediately recognizes as tartaglia, gives him a confused look but smiles slyly nonetheless. with a click of his tongue, SCARAMOUCHE yanks you off of childe’s shoulder, awakening you once more, much to your chagrin, and pulls you to his side. “if you’re going to sleep on someone’s shoulder, i’d rather it be mine’s.” 

CHILDE has to verbally restrain himself from squealing at the top of his lungs at how cute you look. his heartbeat speeds up like a rushing river as he ushers for teucer to quietly fetch him a blanket. he then wraps the comforter around your body to keep you snug in the cold of snezhnaya. he’s well aware of how exhausting it may be to travel around teyvat in order to find out the hidden truth this world has to offer. you’ve been through so much, it’s the least that CHILDE can do to stay by your side as you rest up. he links his pinky with yours and a flicker of hope brings life to his cerulean eyes. “no matter what choice you make, i pinky promise i won’t leave you, not until we reach the end.” 

ZHONGLI doesn’t even notice that you’re dozing off, being too fixated on his nonstop rambling to feel the weight on his shoulder. it’s only after he’s done talking does he let out a tiny sigh and loops a hand around your arm. unconsciously, you nuzzle further into his chest and relaxes in his gentle touch. with the sun basking down on his face and the calming atmosphere that lingers in the air, ZHONGLI finds himself overcome with fatigue. he ends up closing his eyes shut and leans against you as both of you drift into a state of quiet tranquility, side by side. 

VENTI brushes away a strand of your hair with an index finger so he can view your peaceful visage in full. your chest rises and falls with every breath you take in and exhale, leaving him to hope it will never stop. he takes off his cape and hat for you to wear since the wind isn’t exactly friendly right now. okay, fine. he actually just wanted to know what it’s like for you to wear his clothing on, and he doesn’t regret doing it one bit. it’s tempting for him to snap a picture of you, but watching you is good enough, he supposes. VENTI will just have to store this memory to heart like all the others he has of you. 

[althaiareads]

YAY NEW CHAPTER!! I SCREAMED WHEN I SAW IT!!

Let's get to it, I'm ready for my heart to be broken.

Extremely sorry because this might be just images and not ONE coherent thought.

You smile up at her with your mouth full of food and nod in agreement. Your uncle Tommy notices and shakes his head in disapproval, but he can’t help but smile faintly.

He snickers and you glance away, catching your dads gaze and slowly frowning as you catch that same hurt look you caught earlier. Your uncle Tommy notices a glimpse of your tension and sighs before breaking it. “How ‘bout a tour?”

Manners, my love. What is it about Joel Miller's daughters and bad table manners?

Edit: I Just realized this is the same thing Sarah does?!?!?

Man, that's gotta hurt. I know it's not like that, but I feel Joel feels replaced by Tommy. He kind of has the life that Joel once had for himself. It breaks my heart.

You meet his gaze with a smirk. “You were thinkin’ of me?” You tease.

“You’d like that wouldn’t you?” He quips lightheartedly.

Oh?

Real nice, real smooth, loving the playful flirting.

the first thing you notice that wasn’t on it last time is a bouquet of fresh flowers with a small note.

‘Welcome home - Atlas & Apollo’

They got her flowers?!?!?? My heart. They're so cute.

What would be of your lives now if she had lived? What would she say about your estrangement with your dad?

“I don’t want to see you tormenting yourself any longer because of that man Y/N—”

I am living for Maria being the mother Sunny never had. She's so worried and protective of her, and I love it.

Maria raises her chin and doesn’t retreat. “He left you, his own daughter, tell me if that makes him good?”

OUT OF POCKET! But I get where she's coming from, after all she picked up the pieces Joel broke.

“Apollo built this for you, did you know?”

Did he, now?

“My dad left rather than staying with me….and,” you continue through tears. “…the guy that I…loved killed himself rather than wanting to be with me. And I know it sounds selfish, h-he was just grief stricken, his little brother died….but we were partners…and,” you sniffle. “And he left me. So please be honest with me, tell me that I’m no good, that I’m a failure because that’s what I feel.”

Oh my God, baby, no. Nothing is wrong with you, shit.

“You cry as much as you want, grieve as long as you need to, but you move on, you keep living for them. You understand? Don’t lose yourself, that’s the worst thing we can do. You understand me?”

You know this hurts even more because he knows what it's like to lose someone to grief, so his fears are even more palpable.

You giggle and sit back down next to him. “You have nothing to be nervous about, you’re gonna be a good father,” you assure him. “You might not be mine, but you were—are like one, and you did good.”

Oh man, those daddy issues are really kicking in right now. They have the most beautiful relationship.

“Hi,” Apollo greets more properly, but stays sitting down. “It’s very nice meeting you Mr. Miller.”

Así es que me gusta papito, de una vez dando una buena impresión con el (futuro) suegro. Muy bien.

“I’m sorry,” he says again in a tearful voice. “I am. There will never not be a day where I don’t regret how I hurt you.” He shakes his head and steps towards you. “And you have every right to keep on hatin’ me, to move on and not deal with me. I don’t blame you, I wouldn't. I just needed you to hear what I owe you.”

Your dad lets out a shaky breath and nods as more tears escape past his eyes. “It’s true,” he admits. “You might be a bit boastful, you might see the beauty of the world and hold onto too much hope, your dreams might be too big, but,” he quivers and takes a step towards you. “That is why I love you. I love every bit of it. I have loved it since the moment I held you in my arms for the first time. You…you are everything to me, baby, you are the reason I keep livin’, you are my entire world, and the beauty that this world lost. You are what makes all this worth it, you are everything to me.”

This feels like a warm hug. Still sobbing violently, though.

“I’m not asking you to be my first love, nor do I want to be yours….we can be each other's last, whenever you’re ready, I’ll wait.”

EACH OTHER'S LAST LOVE?!!?!??! I-

Dude, I was already crying. This is beautiful.

“No way!” She exclaims and stands up to hook it around her hip. “A thigh holster!”

That's the best gift ever? She knows her so well. My heart.

However she then finds the tip hits against something inside so she pulls out the gun and digs her fingers inside, and pulls out a leather necklace with a small piece of wood carved into a neat circle with a butterfly burned onto it.

The butterfly. Oh my gosh. She got her a butterfly necklace. Idc they're officially sisters now.

Sarah would've been so happy, holy shit.

“She dressed up as me that day; she wore one of my shirts, put on this fake mustache, and sang this rap song as one of my birthday gifts. It was great, one of my favorite gifts by far.”

He still remembers 🥺🥺🥺. That was one of my favourite scenes. Happy it made a call-back.

Anyway don’t forget that gesture of reader laying her head on Joel’s chest, it’s gonna come back and bite everyone in the ass iykyk

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT AUTHOR NOTE, GIRL?!?!? WHAT IS THAT, LOVE?!?!??!

I am so scared. This was absolutely incredible. The scenes with Tommy warmed my heart, Maria is an absolute icon, I love her even when she says judgy stuff. Also, Ellie and her relationship with Sunny??!?!? God, I love them. REMEMBERING HENRY, SAM AND SARAH, TOO??? That hurt a lot. And then, that conversation with Joel, I have no words that don't involve me ranting about Daddy Issues, so I'll skip it, but know that it was so fucking beautiful.

Anyway, I'm scared and I love this and you.

Chapter 4 This charming man

Tragedy at the Miller’s Chapter 4

A/N- Not ready for what’s coming

Warning- ANGST, talks of death, swearing, long chapter, fluff :)

Pairing- Joel Miller x daughter!reader, Henry x Fem!reader

Episode- 1x06 (not all of it)

(If you want to be tagged let me know!)

————

Family reunions are supposed to be heartwarming, joyful!

Maybe it was for the first 10 minutes, but now it’s awkward, there’s tension, there’d be deafening silence but the area you’re at is filled with the sound of obnoxious chewing. It’s an annoying sound, a usual pet peeve of yours, but right now, fuck it, it’s the first real meal you’ve had in two years.

“There’s more if you need it,” Maria interjects through the urgency of all the chewing.

“Thank you, ma’am,” your dad says when he finishes chewing. “It’s been a while since we’ve had a proper meal.”

You smile up at her with your mouth full of food and nod in agreement. Your uncle Tommy notices and shakes his head in disapproval, but he can’t help but smile faintly.

“Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever had a proper meal,” Ellie cuts in, causing you to slowly swallow your food and look at her with a bit of pity—“this is fuckin’ amazing.”

Your dad shoots her a pointed glare before looking up at the couple in front of him. “Sorry,” he apologizes for her, while you stifle your laugh with the food you shove in your mouth. “Ellie, let’s mind our manners.”

You smirk down at your food, but feel your uncle pat your back. “Don’t worry,” he adds. “Someone tends to have a way with words too.”

You look over at him and respond back with your mouth full of food. “I’m just expressin’ my freedom of speech.” You shoot him a smile and then return to eating, bringing back a bit of silence.

Albeit seconds later the peace is broken by Ellie snapping at someone behind you. “What?!”

You slowly peek behind you and see a girl storming off; you actually recognize her, albeit she was younger then. She liked to help with your sets when you did plays, she’s cool. But yes you understand Ellie’s…caution towards her just staring, but! you don’t get the snappy attitude.

“What’s wrong with you?” You remark Ellie with a pointed look.

“What about her manners?” She counters.

You roll your eyes and catch your uncle's curious gaze at that moment, so you can’t help but smirk faintly now in response—he’ll get hell of a kick out of her, he just needs to get to know her.

“She was just curious,” Maria tries to explain. “Kids around here don’t usually look or talk like you.”

“Right.” Ellie nods. “Well, maybe I’ll teach them. And I want my gun back.”

Yeah that’s not happening.

“They also aren’t armed,” Maria says.

You set your silverware down and grab your cup of water, whilst your uncle interjects. “You know what? Uh, I think maybe y’all got a little off on the wrong foot.”

“She was gonna have her guys kill us,” Ellie snaps right away.

“Well, we gotta be real careful about who we let in this place,” your uncle explains. “But it’s all bark. We’re just tryna scare off those who might wanna try us is all.”

You sit back and sip your water, only choosing to hear the argument being had.

You wouldn't be as…uhm…bold as Ellie, but you also understand her uneasiness of this place and all those people. You were new once too; afraid of everyone and cautious of everything.

“Well, you got a couple of 90-year-olds shitting themselves out there. Not much of a superstition, is it y/n?” She argues with a pointed glare aimed at you.

What? What the hell did you do?

“Ellie,” your dad warns her.

“They say that you leave dead bodies around?” Ellie remarks to your uncle and Maria again.

Now your uncle glances at you and passes an amused look at you right as Maria answers Ellie just as quickly. “Those are the people that tried us.”

“A bad reputation doesn't mean you’re bad,” your uncle adds.

“Not always, at least,” Maria adds in, and you catch her pointed look aimed at your father; which only makes you begin to frown as things get awkward. At least for you since you know the context behind her judgment.

“Ma’am,” your dad cuts in thereafter. “We’re grateful for your hospitality and all,” he pauses and looks between you, your uncle and Ellie. “But it’d be nice to have a moment here, maybe just for family.”

Oh right, given your silent treatment, you never actually talked much about this place or about your life here to him—that makes things uncomfortable. So you slouch and put your cup down to stare at the water.

“Well, uh,” your uncle interjects as he straightens up on his chair. “Maria is family, actually.”

You glance over at them and offer them a soft smile, but when you glance over at your father and see his face of slight disbelief your smile falters.

Why does he look so shocked? It was going to happen.

“Oh, shit! Congrats.” Ellie adds, but you can’t tell if she’s being sarcastic or genuine—probably sarcastic giving she’s not really liking Maria.

“Joel, say congrats,” Ellie whispers to your dad like if he’s some kid that needs a reminder.

A moment of awkward silence passes before your dad says it back a bit dryly. “Congrats.”

Can’t say you’re surprised, he didn’t like Henry at first either.

“She’s the one that helped me get this one through her teenage phase,” your uncle says and pats your shoulder to give it a small squeeze.

You look up at the both of them and smirk before glancing at your dad.

“I can’t say she made it hard,” Maria adds. “She was good…up until she left.”

You scoff and look over at her with a smirk. “Mama,” you whisper. “Besides, I wasn't a teenager then, I was 22.”

“You acted like one,” she rebuttals.

You roll your eyes in a lighthearted manner and shake your head, while your uncle grabs your shoulder and interjects with a lighthearted tone. “How old are you now, Sunny? Old?”

You snap your eyes to him and get ready to spat back, but he continues. “You even have gray hair there.” He points to the side of your head.

Your eyes go wide and you pick up your spoon to see your reflection through it, but he begins to snicker.

“Oh wait, it's just dirt.” He laughs.

You scoff and push his arm off you. “At least I can wash mine off, unlike you,” you counter and use your eyes to point to the white hairs on his side.

He snickers and you glance away, catching your dads gaze and slowly frowning as you catch that same hurt look you caught earlier. Your uncle Tommy notices a glimpse of your tension and sighs before breaking it. “How ‘bout a tour?”

Maria nods. “Yeah.”

Once you’re all completely done with your food you step out again. And you're not obligated to tag along, you knew this place already, it was home, but you want to accompany Ellie until she and your dad get some place to go for however long they’re staying—or correction for however long she’s staying, who knows if your dad has changed his mind about letting your uncle take her.

If he doesn’t then….you’ll go with her and your uncle. Even if being surrounded by the tall walls of Jackson made you finally feel completely safe, and let you drop the habit of needing to look over your shoulder every few seconds. Here you also didn’t have to live on the edge hoping that some infected wouldn’t creep up on you, or some fucker wouldn’t jump you out of nowhere. But if it meant being her one piece of support after your fathers abandonment, then it would be worth it being gone for one more month. Just for her, not for your dad.

“We settled here about seven years ago, just a handful of us then,” Maria tells Ellie and your dad. “That section…”

Her words trail off as suddenly you’re startled by an arm thrown around you. And when you snap your head over to your side, Apollo is next to you with a smile on his face.

“What’s wrong with you?” You quip as you fall behind the others doing the tour.

Apollo snickers. “Just checking you’re not some sort of hallucination.”

You roll your eyes and look ahead again. “I’d be a pretty cool hallucination,” you mumble and catch Ellie glancing at you over her shoulder when she doesn’t see you near her.

“Yeah,” Apollo agrees. “Good thing you aren't though.” He moves his other hand toward you to offer you a piece of dry meat. “Jerky?”

“Please,” you scoff and meet his gaze from the corner of your eyes. “I’ve had enough of jerky for now.” You then begin to smirk and hold his gaze as you throw him a reminder. “Aren't you supposed to be working bum?”

Apollo shrugs. “I was, but again, just checking on you, and…” he trails off and holds the piece of jerky in his mouth to reach into his back pocket and pull something out. “…give this to you.”

He pushes his hand towards you to show the Mariah Carey Daydream casette in his hand. “For you,” he says as he pulls out the piece of jerky from his mouth.

Your grin immediately widens and your eyes twinkle as you stop to take it from him. “Oh my god,” you squeal. “Where did you find this?!”

Apollo steps back and folds his arms over his chest to shrug smugly. “I have my ways. But I thought of giving it to you for Christmas when I saw you, but then I thought, why not give it to her now as a welcome home present.”

You meet his gaze with a smirk. “You were thinkin’ of me?” You tease.

“You’d like that wouldn’t you?” He quips lightheartedly.

You shoot him a smirk, and he holds your gaze to mirror the gesture for a lingering moment before you look down at your gift and smile softly. Albeit, you then can’t help but step forward to throw your arms around him.

“Thank you,” you whisper and hold onto him tighter, feeling your heart flutter, and a warmth that wants to mend the bleeding gap that was on it.

“You’re welcome,” he whispers back and rubs your back softly. “I missed you, you know.”

You smile sweetly and try to fight the tears that threaten to rush out at the simple feeling of this embrace. “I missed you too,” you redirect softly, but suddenly begin to feel a twinge of guilt now stab at you as you feel comfort and yearning for him in his embrace.

“Mia is at home,” Apollo says and pulls back to face you. “I haven’t told her yet so it can be a surprise.”

You smirk. “I’ll make her shit her pants.” You snicker.

“I’ll see you at home later, yeah?” He queries in a way that makes it seem like he’s almost afraid you would leave again. “I have a bottle of tequila and a movie of your choice ready for you for later.”

“Can’t wait,” you assure him with a sweet smile playing on your lips.

Apollo begins to walk back and nods as he holds your gaze for a lingering moment before he turns and walks off to go back to work. You now put your gift away and catch back up with your group heading to the barn.

“Who’s that?” Ellie immediately asks once you’re by her side again.

You glance at her and scoff softly before you answer. “My…best friend, Apollo.”

Ellie scoffs and begins to smirk as she turns her head away. “Okay,” she mutters.

You squint your eyes in confusion and immediately press her hint of smugness. “What?” You giggle nervously.

Ellie shrugs before she glances at you and bats her eyelashes as she just simply repeats herself. “Okay.”

Before you can further question her she runs ahead of the group as they’re entering the sheep pen.

“Hey, Joel, check it,” Ellie now directs to your dad, and proceeds to mimic the sheep to tease him. You would’ve laughed but she was just teasing you so you keep quiet and follow them.

“So are you, like, in charge?” Ellie asks Maria.

“No one person’s in charge,” Maria says. “I’m on the council. Democratically elected, serving 300 people, including children. Everyone pitches in. We rotate patrols, food prep, repairs, hunting, harvesting.”

“Everything you see in our town,” your uncle adds. “Greenhouses, livestock, all shared. Collective ownership.”

“So, uh,” your dad interjects, making you glance at him. “Communism.”

Your uncle sniffles. “Nah. Nah, it ain’t like that.”

No it is that. Exactly that.

“It is that,” Maria corrects him. “Literally. This is a commune. We’re communists.”

You smirk, and end up sharing an amused look with your dad before you both glance back at your uncle stopped behind you looking a bit baffled.

“No way!” Ellie exclaims, making you drift your attention back to her and noticing her rushing toward a cute brown foal.

“That’s our newest one,” Maria shares. “Couple months old. You wanna pet her?”

You smile and rush towards the foal too.

“Yeah, what’s her name?” Ellie asks.

“Shimmer.”

“Shimmer,” Ellie repeats as she begins to caress the little baby horse. “You’re so beautiful.”

You lean against the gate and scratch the side of her jaw.

“Well, I’m sure they’d like a shower,” Maria adds on, correctly of course. “Some new clothes. We can put Joel and Ellie in the empty house across the street from us.”

You pull your hand away from the horse and peer over your shoulder.

“Yeah,” your uncle agrees. “It’s a decent place. Pretty much untouched since ‘03, but it’s got the heat goin’ in it.” He nods. “Could do worse.”

“Oh,” you add. “We have been.”

Ellie nods in agreement, but your dad quickly rebuttals you. “We’ve been doin’ fine.”

Yeah cause sleeping in caves and taking watches to make sure you won’t get killed is fine. Whatever man.

“Well,” Maria adds a bit awkwardly. “I’ll take Ellie over there if you two wanna catch up?” She suggests as she looks between your dad and uncle, making you look between both men with curiosity.

Only if you could go too just to snoop and know if your dad would go through with it. And to know how it’d actually go between them.

“Yeah,” your dad agrees and passes a look with your uncle. “Okay.”

“Joel,” Ellie whispers with concern.

“You’ll be fine,” he assures her and walks off with your uncle without another word, making her watch him as he did so.

“Come on,” you encourage her and grab her shoulder to gently nudge her ahead towards Maria

Ellie begins to follow, but spares one more glance at your dads retreating figure. Once he’s no longer in view she immediately questions you. “Where are you going?”

“Not far from where you’ll be,” you assure her. “Just down 2 streets, and then a right. I live in a yellow house with a white fence around it. I’ll be there.”

Ellie glances at the ground and frowns deeper, so you nudge her gently and continue to assure her. “You can come over after you’re done showering, if you want. If I don’t answer the door my friend Mia will, just tell her you came to visit me and she’ll show you to my room, yeah?”

Ellie lifts her gaze with unsureness but nods regardless to assure you she comprehends. “Yeah,” she whispers. “Okay.”

Once you see Ellie off you walk to your own house. A place you always hoped you’d return to, a place you longed for on cruel days. Yet when you’re there, past the white fences gate, at the doorstep of your house, it feels…fucking weird. Like some dream. A good dream you were scared to wake up from.

What if opening the front meant waking up? That’d be terrible.

But you can’t know if you stand there, so you let out a deep breath and slowly wrap your hand around the knob. You hesitate for a second and close your eyes to hope it isn’t some dream—fuck. You open your eyes as you turn the knob and slowly push the green creaking door open. And luckily nothing vanishes, nothing comes at you. You walk in and you don’t fall into some dark abyss; it’s warm, it smells like cinnamon and a Christmas morning. All the furniture you can see is the same, Christmas decorations greet you at the entrance bringing the holiday cheer to the house.

When you close the front door behind you and you take your shoes off at the entrance, happy tears fill your eyes, and a wobbly smile spreads on your lips. You’re home! Home!

You laugh softly with relief and feel tears actually rush out of your eyes.

“Who’s home?” You hear a familiar voice ask from the hall.

You wipe the tears off your cheeks and walk towards the hall in a giddy silence as you also hear footsteps approach. Once you make it under the hall's archway you stop at the same time your friend does only mere inches away from her.

You begin to grin brightly, while she stands there with her eyes widened with disbelief.

“Hi, Mia,” you greet her.

Said girl studies you, the dirty outfit you’ve worn for months, she studies your face and looks into your eyes in that stunned silence that paralyzes her. Meanwhile you give her time to grasp your presence and study her too; her hair is still short due to her fear of having it pulled by infected like when she was young, it’s still dyed like last time, and she’s remained ageless.

“Wh-how?” She stammers before she closes the gap left between you with an embrace that almost knocks you back.

“Hey,” you murmur happily.

“Apollo was just here,” she says by your ear. “He didn’t tell me anything.”

You laugh softly. “Yeah, he wanted me to surprise you.” You pull back and grab her shoulders. “I've missed you.”

Tears roll down her cheeks, and her smile wobbles. “I missed you too,” she redirects. “So much. I was so worried.” She hugs you again and lets out a relieved sigh as she holds you in her arms.

Along with Apollo and Atlas, Mia was one of your oldest friends too. She was a firefly like them and you, she was also your best friend. You all basically grew up together when you were with the firefly’s, you were all unbreakable.

“Did you just get here?” Mia asks and pulls back to turn you around and lead you away from the hall. “Have you eaten already?”

You nod. “Yes, I ate just a few minutes ago, and yes I just got here….with my dad actually.”

Mia stops, making you stop along with her. “What?” She queries and turns to face you. She looks into your eyes to try and read your emotions, but she instead questions you more. “How are you feeling about that?”

You let out a deep sigh that makes your smile falter, and simply shrug. “I don’t know…besides angry, I don’t know where I’m at, but I guess we’ll see won’t we?”

Mia hums and caresses your shoulder, and smiles a lot softer. “I’m so happy you’re back home. You must want to take a shower, and sleep, so I’ll leave you be.”

Yeah until maybe an hour later where she’ll be checking on you.

“Your room has been untouched so everything is in its place,” she adds, and now walks you around the kitchen to walk you to your room like if you’re new and need a tour. “You’ll just need a towel which are out in the closet, you’ll need blankets, I can get those for you, uh, a razor, new sanitary stuff, I can go…” she continues on but you tune her out as you open the door to your room. And as she walks forward you stop just in front of the doorway.

“….We can bake something later,” you tune Mia back in. “We can make your favorite for dinner, Apollo and Atlas should be home then”

She was right, your room was untouched, every piece of furniture was in its place, every decoration and accessory was left the same way you left it. There wasn’t even dust, and didn’t smell odd, which is probably thanks to Mia; your room actually smells like flowers, oddly enough.

“Yeah,” you agree mindlessly with a nod. “Sounds good.”

Your picture wall was still up and well kept, your posters aren’t ripped, it’s all clean.

“Okay,” Mia says as she turns to walk out of the room. “I’ll leave you now and go get that stuff. Need anything else?”

You follow her leaving figure with your eyes and shake your head. “Nah, but if you are leaving mind leaving the front door unlocked, a girl named Ellie might come over so if you aren’t here and I’m in the shower she can just walk in.”

Mia looks immediately curious over who you mention but she doesn’t probe now, she’ll do it later, you’re sure of it. “Okay, I’ll leave a note then.” She lets you know and grabs your door handle to begin closing it as she walks out. “I missed you.”

You shoot her a sweet smile and quickly counter. “I missed you too.”

She offers you one last smile before she closes the door behind her, letting you turn back to fully take in the fact that you’re now standing back in your room—it’s fucking unbelievble, it fills you with happiness and comfort. And as if it’s your first time you walk to your closet first and pull it open, you run your fingers along all the clothes that are hung up and smile.

If you could describe your room to someone, let’s say Ellie, in a few words it would be Old Hollywood meets vintage old money aesthetic—albeit a post apocalyptic version considering you can’t fully fill your room with all the things you want and need….

Sucks…

Anyhow, you then skip on forward to your brown and gold vintage round vanity mirror, and the first thing you notice that wasn’t on it last time is a bouquet of fresh flowers with a small note.

‘Welcome home - Atlas & Apollo’

You smile and tuck the note back to its place to then swipe your fingers across the counter, making sure not to touch the few perfumes and fragile trinkets you had collected. You then proceed to walk to the corner of the room to brush your fingers along the strings of your guitar as you walk to your shelf with music records, cassettes and movies; it’s all still there and now you can add another to your collection, thanks to Apollo.

After that you then walk to your picture wall to study every single picture with a faint smile. The one that makes you the happiest though is the picture strip of Sarah and you; it’s one you had taken in one of those photobooths. Alas it’s when you see the family picture of Sarah, you, and your dad that the happiness turns to sadness, and that smile falls to a wobbly frown.

What would be of your lives now if she had lived? What would she say about your estrangement with your dad?

Would she be mad at the both of you?

Probably.

You were a little family, you were too young to know if it was anything other than perfect, but it worked…you were happy then….

God you miss her….him too. He’s close, here now in Jackson, but it feels like you're strangers. Strangers forced to be together, forced to travel together. You miss him and your relationship. The man he was wouldn't return, but you’re okay with the man he is now, as flawed as he is you’re okay with him, as tainted as his past is you’re okay with him. But, what you are…are strangers.

——

A deep relaxed exhale leaves your lips as you find comfort on your mattress, in your clean clothes, and refreshed body after a long and deep shower.

Fuck that felt good, it’s like you took decades of dirt off you. It’s like you feel fucking lighter because of it now too. Maybe a week-long sleep would suit you well, maybe you can even hibernate like a bear, that’d be nice.

You smile to yourself and only sit up to put on your headphones, and turn your music on blast now that you don’t have to worry about what’s around you—You’ll go deaf your uncle Tommy and Mia would say, but who cares, it’s fun getting lost in the music.

That’s what you do listening to the cassette Apollo gave you. However, not for long because you then feel a nudge on your leg, and when you sit up there Maria is with a very deep purple jacket in hand.

“Hey,” you greet her as you pull your headphones down to your neck. You then look around for Ellie, but she’s not here. “Where’s Ellie?”

“I left her at the house,” Maria says. “I went to grab her this.” She lifts the jacket in her hand, and you scoff in amusement.

“It’s very purple,” you point out.

“Plum,” she corrects you and sits by you on your bed. “I just came to check on you, make sure you were settling in well.”

You sigh with relief and nod. “Yeah, it feels good being back home and showering, and changing clothes.” You let out a deep exhale and fall back on your bed. “I missed it, never let me leave for that long ever again.”

“I tried that the first time, you fought against logic,” she argues.

You shrug to brush her off. “Let’s call it an existential crisis, yeah?” You snicker.

Maria lets out a long sigh that means nothing good, so you sit up and narrow your gaze on her.

“What?” You immediately question.

Maria glances down and doesn’t hold back. She never did. “How did you end up with the cause of that existential crisis?”

Oh yes, you should've known she wasn’t going to leave it alone.

You blow out air and begin to fiddle with the string of your headphones. “We ran into each other at…KC. We were coming to the same place so we decided to travel together.”

Maria scoffs. “Months on the road and nothing seems mended,” she says. “Did he even try?”

You swallow thickly and shake your head softly. “No, but,” you add and pick at the fluff on your sheets. “It’s not like I tried either…if it wasn’t for that girl I don’t think I would’ve stayed with him.”

There’s a moment of silence before she picks on that. “Who is she?”

No one can know Ellie’s immune, as much as you trust Maria, it’s now up to your dad and Ellie to tell who they want, not you.

“A girl, some important firefly’s daughter he was ordered to deliver,” you lie and look up at her so she wouldn’t find you suspicious. “That’s all I know. He isn’t much for sharin’.”

Maria hums and doesn’t seem to find you suspicious so she moves on. Thankfully.

“Look, you’re an adult, you know what’s right from wrong, but you have too much of a good heart….”

You blink and avert your gaze to sigh.

“I don’t want to see you tormenting yourself any longer because of that man y/n—”

“He’s my dad, mama,” you cut her off with no anger or judgment, you cut her off quietly, sadly. “I can’t….” You pause and draw in a deep breath as you feel the need to cry slowly building up. “I can’t just,” you sigh, “forget him. No matter how much he’s hurt me. I can’t do that to him…or her…she’d be devastated.”

Maria carefully grabs ahold of your hand, making you lift your eyes to meet her soft yet hard gaze.

“I just don’t want to see you hurt,” Maria adds softly.

You offer her a comprehensive nod.

“Your uncle Tommy and I are always here, we’re here for you no matter what,” she continues and this time begins to caress your cheek. “You don’t need him. If those plants are dead there’s no need to waste water.”

You stiffen and draw in another shaky breath. You don’t add anything in his defense, you can’t come up with anything else to say but what you already put out.

“Whatever happens to that girl,” she adds on in your silence. “You protect her from him—”

Now you have something to say. “He’s not a bad guy,” you cut her off and meet her gaze with a pointed glare. “He’s just…tough because of what he’s lived through. But he’s not a bad guy.” You understand that now.

Maria raises her chin and doesn’t retreat. “He left you, his own daughter, tell me if that makes him good?”

You blink rapidly as you’re cut off guard by her comment.

“I’m just looking out for you,” she further explains herself. “You’re my family, I love you as if you were my own daughter which is why I just want to protect you.” She pulls her hand away and stands up. “And that girl doesn’t deserve to have her heartbroken by him.”

Maria then waits if you’d say something, but there was nothing you could add anymore, so you let her leave.

“I’m taking Ellie to the movies, enjoy the night with your friends, okay? And at night if it’s hard to sleep, the door will be open, you can sleep in your old room.” She offers.

You break your eyes from the bed to look at her in front of you and nod slowly. “Yeah, okay. Thank you.”

“If you don’t come tonight then come over for breakfast tomorrow, I can make pancakes.”

“Okay sounds good I’ll be there.” You assure her and offer her a very faint smile.

Maria walks to the door and lingers there for a moment before she walks out and closes the door behind you, letting you then throw yourself back to contemplate what was just discussed. She’s right about Ellie, but maybe he deserves time to explain himself to you, even after you said you’d be done with him. He deserves one more chance, if he doesn’t want to try and heal what’s broken then…you’ll stay true to your word and be done with him, for good…

You sigh and slide your headphones back on before flipping around on the bed to attempt and get lost in the music again.

However, now! Now…agony and grief slams back into you just as you were doing good today not thinking about Henry and Sam. All because of the stuffed giraffe on your bed that reminds you of them.

It happens all the time, one minute you think that you’ll get over it, that you’ll heal past that grief and let them be beautiful memories, but it hits you like a ferocious wave. And it’s hard to swim up when it does, you’re slowly drowning each time, sinking deeper and deeper. Not only that but looking at your dad everyday doesn’t make it any easier, there’s just more force that pushes you further down.

Funny and unexpected enough though, it’s been Ellie who has been such a….relief, a breath of fresh air, that ounce of hope that helps you get over the surface. Without her honestly it would’ve been hard getting back home.

Still…as of now it’s taking you again, that damned wave, so you take your headphones off and leave your music on the bed to instead grab the stuffed giraffe and walk outside to your backyard.

The precious meadow that you had grown is under a blanket of snow, much like everything else outside, so you can’t find a bit of bliss there. However, there is something new outside connected to the small white fence that surrounds the cement patio, a wooden bench swing with a canopy and all, hm.

It’s smooth, sturdy, and nice. Now you don’t have to get your ass wet on the snow. Maybe your uncle Tommy built it? Or maybe Mia’s boyfriend built it for her, he thinks himself a carpenter.

Whatever the case, you sit down and just ponder in the silence, watching the stuffed giraffe in your hands and thinking about them; about Henry most of all. You let time pass even as you begin to get cold, and don’t really come back to reality until you hear the backdoor close behind you.

When you sit up and look back you see your uncle Tommy walking to you.

You put the stuffed giraffe down and then beam at him. “Hey!” You greet him.

He offers you a sweet smile and pushes the gate open to walk over to you. “Hey, Sunny,” he greets back. “I’m sorry I let myself in, there was a note on the door.”

You shake your head and pat the open space by you. “Don’t worry about it,” you assure him and watch him study the bench with a smirk.

“Apollo built this for you, did you know?”

You blink in surprise and shake your head as your heart begins to flutter. “No, I didn’t.”

He hums and takes his seat, but rubs the armrests. “Yeah, he said that it’d be a good touch so you wouldn’t have to lay on the grass all the time. Or if you didn’t make it back home then it’d be hell of a memorial...it wasn’t really funny then,” he laughs softly. “But it is now.” He clasps his hands on his lap and glances at the stuffed giraffe before meeting your gaze. “He’s always had a sweet spot for you. He’s a good guy.”

You slowly grin and drop your head to nod. “I know.”

Is he implying something?

“Did you talk to my dad?” You probe and glance up at him. “You guys catch up?”

Your uncle lets out a deep sigh and nods stiffly. “Something like that. We…sorta got into an argument.”

You click your tongue and nod slowly in comprehension. “Sorta?” You probe.

“It wasn’t big but you know how he is.”

You nod. “Yeah,” you sigh.

Your uncle notices the frown and the sadness return in your eyes, so he presses you. “You, have you talked to him?”

You look on ahead at the snow covered meadow and shrug. “Sorta. We talked when we first reunited in KC, but after….after I just got mad at him all over again. I haven’t talked to him since.”

“Is that what has you all down?” He asks and hits you right where it hurts. He knows you too well.

Your eyes sting and your throat begins to feel all clumped up with all the emotions that rapidly build up, but you hold it back as best as you can and try to assure him. And yourself. “I..I don’t want to ruin today.” You offer him a strained smile. “We can talk about it some other day.”

Your uncle shifts in his seat to face you better and doesn’t brush it off. “I cleared up my whole day today for your dad, and for you. I have time to talk. Talk to me.”

He was never one to shy away from an emotional conversation, not with you anyway. Not like your dad. Your uncle Tommy was good that way, open and understanding. Not closed off and dismissive. You owe who you became through all the tragedy to him. It’s sad to admit but if you had been completely raised by your father you would have turned out like him perhaps.

Yet it’s quite hard saying what comes to mind. You part your lips to try and speak, but all you can muster is a shaky breath as you clutch onto the stuffed giraffe.

Your uncle doesn’t press you, he waits until you can finally mutter out.

“Can you tell me…” you pause briefly and glance down at your hands. “If somethings wrong….with me?” You ask in a quivering voice and slowly look up at him, catching his confusion and disbelief.

“My dad left rather than staying with me….and,” you continue through tears. “…the guy that I…loved killed himself rather than wanting to be with me. And I know it sounds selfish, h-he was just grief stricken, his little brother died….but we were partners…and,” you sniffle. “And he left me. So please be honest with me, tell me that I’m no good, that I’m a failure because that’s what I feel.”

Your uncle Tommy lets out a shaky sigh and immediately grabs your face to wipe away your tears and comfort you. “There is nothing wrong with you, baby, nothing. That guy…seems like he couldn’t handle what he felt, it happens, but you had nothing to do with it. And your dad,” he exhales and caresses your cheek. “Your dad did what he thought was best because he loves you. Losing your sister took a lot from him, but that doesn’t mean that somethings wrong with you, he loves you, and leaving was his way of showing it.” He says try and comfort you, and then pulls you in for an embrace, but you only sob more in the comfort of his arms.

You can hardly breathe, your chest feels heavy, your mind is racing, and your heart feels like it was going to jump out of you. Now you couldn’t hold anything back.

“I couldn't help him, he got bit and I couldn’t help. I couldn’t save Henry either, I should’ve just snatched the gun from him but I froze, and I couldn’t help him…just like I couldn’t help Sarah…” you spill out now through sobs.

Your uncle pulls back and grabs your shoulders to keep you close so you’d listen to what he had to redirect. “Sarah was not your fault, you understand that? There was nothing none of us could have done, especially not you, you were only 4. You understand?”

You keep your eyes averted and nod. But that isn’t enough for him.

“Look at me y/n,” he orders, causing you to slowly raise your eyes. “It wasn’t your fault. And I know I don’t know those people you knew, but one thing I am sure about is that it isn’t your fault what happened to them.” He wipes more tears off your cheeks and leans in closer so you’d listen intently. “You cry as much as you want, grieve as long as you need to, but you move on, you keep living for them. You understand? Don’t lose yourself, that’s the worst thing we can do. You understand me?”

You nod through heavy tears and get pulled into a tighter embrace that you sink into, that you bask in for a moment without saying anything. All until your heart slows down, and your head isn't filled with so much noise.

“Thank you uncle Tommy, thank you for listening,” you whisper and pull back to face him with a gentle smile. “I missed you.”

He offers you a sweet smile and wipes away more stray tears. “I missed you too, Sunny.”

You sit back and watch the delicate snowflakes begin to fall from the sky. You sit in silence next to your uncle with a much lighter feeling on your chest.

“I have to tell you something,” your uncle breaks the silence with an obvious nervous voice.

You blink and look at him with a teasing smile and a curious gaze. “What? Oh my, don't tell me…are you pregnant?”

Your uncle meets your gaze and doesn’t laugh even if you said it as a joke, he instead lets out a deep breath and just holds your gaze with the same nervous look that clues you in that you might have guessed right.

“Are you?” You ask seriously now and lean in.

He averts his gaze and nods, making you slowly begin to grin with utter fucking joy. “That’s amazing news, uncle Tommy!” You exclaim and jump off your seat out of excitement. “That’s like, the best news ever.”

Yet you couldn’t help but begin to feel just a bit envious. You were happy, excited, of course you were, but you couldn’t help but feel a smidge of envy. You never thought of that before, you never yearned for that, a family of your own; you were younger, hurt by your own issues with your dad, there was too much going on in your head to even think about that, you wouldn’t have made a good wife nor a good mother. But now after returning from your country wide trip, now after hearing that your uncle's family is growing, there’s this want growing in your own heart. There doesn’t even need to be a baby, but a partner would be nice.

“Why the long face?” You press as he doesn’t seem to match your excitement.

Your uncle sighs. “I'm just nervous, that's all. I’m very fuckin’ nervous, you know it’s going to be a whole human being. I just don’t know…” he trails off.

You giggle and sit back down next to him. “You have nothing to be nervous about, you’re gonna be a good father,” you assure him. “You might not be mine, but you were—are like one, and you did good.”

Your uncle meets your gaze with a soft look and a soft smile. “Thank you, Sunny,” he says.

You grin brighter at him and can’t help but get even more excited. “I’m finally gonna have a cousin, man. I mean I would have appreciated one like 20 years ago, 22 years ago, but I can teach them things now. I’m wiser now.”

He chuckles and then corrects you. “Sister,”

You snap your eyes to him and stiffen.

“You might not be mine, but you are like my daughter.” He says with a smile. “Mine and Maria’s.”

Your eyes water again, but you hold back your tears now and just laugh softly. “Can I hug you now, or do you want to celebrate with a shot?” You add.

“One wouldn’t hurt, but I’ll take that hug too,” he says and lets you throw your arms around him for a tight embrace.

“Thank you for telling me, I needed to hear some good news.”

He smiles and caresses your back. “I’m glad. I’m happy it made you smile.”

You giggle and pull back to shoot him another beaming smile.

He smiles now too and interjects. “Thank you, I needed that too. Made me feel better.”

You lay down on his lap and can’t stop smiling over the news. He sits back and lets his arm rest on you to enjoy each others presence and relish in the joy he brought.

“Don’t push me in the snow,” you warn him as he begins to make the swing sway back and forth. “I just took a shower.”

He scoffs. “Don’t give me ideas, ‘cause I’ll do it. Unless you’re gonna go snitch to your daddy now that he’s here.”

You giggle. “Don’t give me ideas.”

He slowly slides his hand to your back and applies a small amount of pressure, making you stiffen and hang onto the bottom of the seat. “Don’t,” you warn him.

“I ain’t doing nothin’.” He chuckles.

You turn and look at him with a pointed glare, but all he does is smirk mischievously. He then moves his arm back where it was so you turn back to face ahead.

Yet that’s when he gets you and pushes you off the seat, making you fall in the snow.

“Oops,” you hear him say.

You slap your hands on the cold ground, and slowly sit up on your knees to wipe the snow off your face roughly as you turn your head to glare at him.

“Go on,” he says with a stifled laugh. “Bring out your guitar so we can tune it up. Let’s make sure you haven’t forgotten that talent of yours.”

“Fine,” you grumble and stand up to brush the snow off your body. “I’ll get the bottle too.”

You’re only not getting him back because you just got back and because he shared that news with you. You’ll get him back though. Old fucker.

——

*LATER*

The tv played one of your favorite movies, but it played for no one since you and your friends gathered around the living room and got lost gossiping, drinking and playing some card game Atlas insisted on playing to make drinking “more fun”. That cinnamon scent that basked the room was pushed away by the smell of food Mia had made and the alcohol in your cups.

“That’s total bull,” you complain to Atlas about the number of infected he’s killed.

He scoffs. “You can’t say that, you weren’t here.”

You pull away from Mia’s arms wrapped around your neck to lean closer to Atlas. “That number is too high. I don’t believe you.”

Atlas shrugs. “Don’t believe me then, but I did kill that many.”

You roll your eyes and meet Apollo’s gaze to press him for the truth. He however shrugs and just shares a small smirk with you.

“I’ll let you off the hook and tell you how many I killed if you say the truth,” you suggest.

“No,” Atlas blurts and pushes you back to Mia with his foot, making you scrunch your nose in disgust. “You were out in the world, your number doesn’t count.”

“Sure,” you snicker. “You old vanity. You just don’t want me to beat you. You can’t take it. You’re too fragile.”

“Whatever,” he grumbles. “Can we just continue with the damn game before someone here talks about herself.”

You smirk. “I am a very interesting person. Just ask your dad.”

Atlas narrows his gaze and scoffs, whilst you and Mia high five.

“Okay, really did any of us get the number right?” Mia’s boyfriend asks to keep the game going.

You look between them all and shake your head. “Nope, you all drink.”

They all groan and Atlas is the one that mumbles of course. “That’s impossible.”

You watch them all take their shots with a playful smirk, but once you land on Apollo, your eyes linger and your smile softens. However, you then catch him shifting his gaze your way so you quickly look away and just feel his stare.

There’s something different about him now compared to before, the look in his eyes, his face maybe. He was never immature as his little brother is still til this day, but Apollo is far more mature than before. More handsome maybe—well he always was you just never gave it too much thought, you were far too troubled for that. And he was—is your best friend….

Damn….there’s that guilt stabbing at you again.

“Okay!” Atlas exclaims and sits up. “My turn, let’s change this game to the Apollo game.”

Mia groans. “Atlas that game is stupid. We know everything about each other—”

“Y/N’s been gone,” Atlas cuts her off. “So, let’s go on. Remember we make a statement about her and if it’s true she drinks, and you are then you drink, okay? Okay! Come on now SunnyD get up.”

You roll your eyes and sit up to drag yourself between Apollo and Mia.

“Okay,” he keeps yelling and does a drum roll on the ground. “You’ve been in love.”

Fuck.

You swallow thickly and get ready to answer, but a knock then raps on the door at that precise moment. Much to your excitement actually.

“Oh!” You jump up. “I’ll get it, you know how much I’ve missed actually answering a door without fearing for my life.” You run over to answer the door, and Achilles gets out of the couch to follow you to the door.

And much to your surprise once you open it you see your dad outside.

“Daddy,” you mutter in disbelief. “Hey.” You sligtly furrow your brows in confusion due to his very much vivid presence.

Your dad averts his gaze to stare at the ground and swallows thickly before stating his reason for this late visit. “Can we talk?” He asks.

Your heart skips a beat, and you grow speechless for a second. “Uh….sure, come in.”

He looks up at you and shakes his head. “No,” he says and glances past your shoulder to steal a glance at all your friends sitting in the living room listening in. “Can we take a walk?”

Must be important if he bothered to come all this way. “Okay,” you whisper and open the door wider. “Come in, I need to grab my jacket and my shoes.” You step aside and he shuffles inside awkwardly, causing the curious dog to sniff him before he runs back to Apollo.

“Uh,” you interject and walk to the end of the hall. “Now that you’re here, meet my friends from when my uncle Tommy and I were fireflies.” You point to Mia first. “That’s my friend Mia. And that next to her is Arthur, her boyfriend. Over there,” you point to the dark haired boy. “Is Atlas, and,” you shift your eyes to Apollo and smile softly. “That’s Apollo. Guys,” you breathe out. “This is my dad, Joel.”

Mia offers him a very faint half smile and simply waves, and her boyfriend does the same, whilst Atlas smirks and throws up a peace sign and a very quick greeting. “‘Sup.”

Gosh.

“Hi,” Apollo greets more properly, but stays sitting down. “It’s very nice meeting you Mr. Miller.”

You glance at your dad and see him just offer them a stiff wave and a dry greeting. “Hello there.”

Better nothing, and better than a gun to their heads.

“Okay,” you breathe out awkwardly. “I’m going to get my stuff.” You offer your friends a quick smile before you run off to your room to get what you need, whilst your mind races and spins with all the different outcomes to what could be said.

He doesn’t seem mad. Maybe it’s about his heart.

Or about choosing…no, it can’t be that. Positive thoughts only.

You let out a deep exhale before leaving your room to join your dad back at the entrance. “Okay,” you encourage him and throw a quick wave at your friends. “I’ll see you guys.” You open the door and walk out to the snowy night with your dad at your heels.

You expect to see Ellie waiting outside, but she’s not here, it’s only him.

“Where’s Ellie?” You ask as he now walks by your side when you exit your yard and now get on the street.

“Uh, she’s at the house,” he answers. “I just…wanted to talk to you. Alone.”

You shoot him a nervous glance and let out a small exhale. “Okay,” you whisper and grow even more nervous. “What’s wrong?”

You catch your dad scratching the back of his head and averting your gaze at all costs. “Just…just give me some time…I’m not that good at this.”

This doesn’t help whatsoever.

“Alright,” you whisper and glance at the falling snow as you take a turn to exit the street you lived on.

“I just,” he interjects and fists his hands. “I just need you to hear me, that's all I want, you don’t need to say anything, you don’t owe me nothin’. I just need you to hear what I have to tell you. Okay?”

You blink rapidly and nod. “Okay,” you whisper.

But he ends up taking another long moment to himself to think of the reason why he brought you out in the cold so late at night. You even pass your uncle's house, his own house that he was given to stay at. You pass lit streets, and only fill the silence with the crunches of your feet against the snow. You make it to the center of town where the large glowing Christmas tree brings cheer to the town.

“I,” he breaks his silence. “I’m sorry.”

You gasp softly and stop in your tracks as his words…words you never thought you’d hear, words he hasn’t spoken in a long time register in your mind.

“I’m supposed to be the one protecting you,” he continues and stops to turn around to face you. “I was the one who was supposed to teach you how to be the person you are now, I was the one who…needed to watch you grow up, but I…I let you down. I left,” his voice breaks. “I left you even if I knew your mother, even if I knew….Sarah would be mad. I left you, I hurt you…” his breath shudders and you can’t hold back your own tears now, no matter how much you wanted to fight them away.

“And I’m so ashamed of it,” he adds as…tears roll down his cheeks. “I am. But I don’t regret it,” he reveals and meets your watery gaze. “Because if I didn’t leave, you wouldn’t be who you are now, a strong, independent woman. You would only be angry like me, you’d be vain, and a monster.”

You shake your head against his words, but don’t say anything, you keep listening to him.

“I just wish I would have done things differently,” he mutters with more tears steaming down his face, tears that shock you to your core, leave you speechless and heartbroken.

“I’m sorry,” he says again in a tearful voice. “I am. There will never not be a day where I don’t regret how I hurt you.” He shakes his head and steps towards you. “And you have every right to keep on hatin’ me, to move on and not deal with me. I don’t blame you, I wouldn't. I just needed you to hear what I owe you.”

You let out a shaky breath and look up to watch the snowflakes dance down from the sky, littering the ground with their white icy texture, and making the ground twinkle against the street lights yellow hue, against the beautiful colors that wrap the grand green tree a few feet away from you. You watch the sky to take in all his words, to gather your own thoughts.

“I…” you murmur against the winter wind that blows past you. “I don’t understand,” you cry and look down at him, but his face blurs because of your tears, and the twinkling lights cloud him and your vision. “Why….why me? I….” you shake your head. “I love too easily…I don’t like to see the reality of things because it makes me sad, I dream too big and too much, I…I’m too boastful,” you sob.

“I’m not strong, I’ve never been. I’ve tried to change for you, I’ve tried to be a better daughter, one—one who you’d be proud of, but I can't, and you can’t ignore it…you can’t,” you shake your head with your quivering lip and step back away from him. “I’m not enough. I'm not perfect like Sarah was, I’m not…important like Ellie, I’m nothing,” you whisper. “You deserve better. You do.”

Your dad lets out a shaky breath and nods as more tears escape past his eyes. “It’s true,” he admits. “You might be a bit boastful, you might see the beauty of the world and hold onto too much hope, your dreams might be too big, but,” he quivers and takes a step towards you. “That is why I love you. I love every bit of it. I have loved it since the moment I held you in my arms for the first time. You…you are everything to me, baby, you are the reason I keep livin’, you are my entire world, and the beauty that this world lost. You are what makes all this worth it, you are everything to me.”

You scoff softly at his words and let out a shaky sob as you find them beautiful yet unbelievable.

“I’m sorry,” he says again and gets close enough so he can cup your cheeks. “I can’t do this without you. I can’t lose you too.”

You grab his hands, you hold onto them as you hold his teary gaze for a moment, before you throw your arms around him.

He’s caught off guard for a few seconds, but he then hugs you back and presses you against his chest and rests his head on yours.

You don’t have the luxury of time, neither of you, and you know you’d only hate yourself if something happened to him and you couldn’t say what you feel.

“I forgive you,” you assure him and hold onto him tighter. “I do. I forgive you.”

He lets out a relieved sigh and clutches onto you as his tears soak your head.

“Will you forgive me?” You ask, and he quickly pulls back to hold your face in his hands and look at you with confusion. “For not trying either. I should’ve tried too. And for that I’m sorry.”

Your dad quickly shakes his head and wipes away your tears. “You have nothin’ to apologize for, okay? Nothing.”

You sniffle and smile softly. “Still, I'm sorry, just take it, okay?”

He scoffs in protest, but nods regardless before he pulls you in for another tight and loving embrace, letting you find comfort in his warmth that wraps around you, and by the sound of his beating heart that eases as you hold him close to you.

“I love you,” he says by your ear. “So so much.”

You laugh softly and nod. “I love you too. I do.”

He gives you one last squeeze before you both pull away from each other and face the Christmas tree in a peaceful silence, hand in hand. You linger there until you remember what you have for him.

“Can I give you an early Christmas present?” You ask rhetorically.

But he still answers. “I don’t have anything for you, and well you shouldn’t.”

You scoff and turn to pull him back to your house.

“Look,” he interjects. “One more thing, about Henry….”

You blink and feel your smile falter.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I’m sorry I couldn’t do more.”

You swallow thickly and shake your head. “There was nothing you could do. Nothing any of us could do…” it’s sad to admit now, it tears your heart apart, but it’s true.

“But,” your dad continues. “You’ll be okay?”

You glance over at him and hesitate a moment before you nod softly. “I will. With time. The best thing we can do…is move on.” You know that now after the talk with him, he lifted that weight off you, and helped you from drowning under the depths of the suffocating waters. “As hard as it is, as impossible as it may seem now, we have to live for them, because we don't have the luxury of time….so that’s the best thing we can do, right?”

Your dad lets his eyes linger on you for a moment before he smiles softly. “I would’ve never thought of that…it’s sweet.”

You smile softly and hum, leaving the rest of your walk to your house silent. Once you do reach your house, your friends are still out, but calmer. “Excuse me,” your dad directs at them as you make him follow you to your room.

“Now I didn’t have time to wrap it, but it’s the thought that counts,” you tell him and turn the light on in your room. And luckily the gift is easy to find on your vanity.

“This room is…very you,” your dad comments as you hear him walk over to the corner of your room where your guitar is. “You play better now?”

You scoff and snatch the disc from your vanity to turn and face him. “Yes,” you admit. “I mean I'm not as good as you, but I’m better than I was before.” You grin and then close the gap between each other to hand him his favorite movie, Curtis and Viper 2.

“I never payed much mind to it before, but I watched it for the first time a couple years back, and it’s not bad,” you share. “That is the movie though, right? All I could remember were the funny men from the cover.”

Your dad looks down at the disc in his hands and immediately smiles. “You’re right,” he assures you, letting you let out a relieved sigh. All this time you thought you’ve been wrong—“It’s a great movie,” he adds. “Where you find it?”

You smirk. “I found it in the tunnels at KC. I just never got the chance to give it to you. You like it?”

He meets your gaze and nods. “I love it, baby. Thank you.”

You smile sweetly and clap softly out of joy. He notices your smile and his smile softens.

“It’s not that late yet,” you add, “even if it looks so. My tv works….I can pop it in. If you want.” You suggest.

Your dad doesn’t hesitate—he can’t turn you down, so he nods. “Go on, pop it in.”

You squeal softly and take the movie from him to now head to your small tv. “You can lay on the bed, just take your shoes off.”

He hums, and as you’re putting on the movie you hear your bed sink and shoes thump on the ground. And as overjoyed as you are, someone comes to mind and brings your mood down slightly. Yet you don’t bring her up until you’re laying down next to him watching the previews play with your head on his chest, finding comfort by the sound of his heartbeat and his arm around you.

“About Ellie,” you bring up without shame, hoping he’d be honest. “What are you goin’ to do?”

Your dad lets out a deep sigh and you feel him swallow thickly. “I’m not the man I used to be,” he admits quietly as he caresses the side of your head. “I’m old now. You know that, I’m…not strong enough no more, but…trust me when I say I'm going to do my best by her.”

He’s right about being old, but is he right about letting her leave?

You can’t let her leave with just your uncle Tommy. You know that heartbreak too well, and you know your dad has the best intentions, you wouldn't have seen that yourself before, but hopefully she’ll see it with time. If that’s what he wants. You can’t force him to do anything.

“Alright,” you trust him. “But whatever happens, I’m going with her, I’m seeing her off. For her and for what she can mean to the firefly’s and humanity,” you say softly. “I owe it to Sam, to everyone else that I’ve lost to that infection.”

Your dad lets out a deep breath. “That’s fine,” he says. “That’s good. Your Uncle Tommy plans to take her tomorrow morning. It’s a week's ride.”

You just got home, but fuck it. One more trip and that’s it.

“What about you?” You probe. “What will you do?”

He stays quiet for a moment and watches the movie finally start. “I don’t know.” He breaks his silence.

You sigh softly. “That’s fine,” you assure him. “Just…do what’s best by her, and you. Okay? Promise?”

“I do,” he whispers. “I promise.”

You smile softly. “Good,” you whisper.

——

*THE NEXT MORNING*

Flashlight?

Check.

Extra clothes?

Check.

Books to read?

Check.

Multiple pairs of fingerless gloves that keeps your hands warm but helps with other purposes?

Check.

New cassettes to listen to?

Check.

Every other little thing that goes in the backpack?

Uh….check!

Weapons?

Need to check those out, but it’s all here. Good. You get off the edge of your bed and once you’re at the door you make sure to be quiet since it’s still pretty early and neither person living here gets up just yet.

However, as you quietly step out of your room you almost run into Mia waiting outside of your door with her arms over her chest, and her dark eyes piercing your very soul—she’s pissed. She knows.

“Mornin’,” you greet her with a small smile.

Mia doesn't return it, or return that same energy. She remains pissed.

“Don’t,” she cuts you off. “Don’t smile at me like everything’s okay.”

She might be shy and gentle, but she’s no one to mess with when she’s upset. Like now.

“You’re leaving again.” She knows. How?

You lose your smile and let out a deep sigh. “Yes,” you admit. “I am but not for long. Maybe just a month this time, or even less. I just need to see someone off.”

Mia shakes her head and her brows furrow deeper. “Can’t someone else do that? You just got home from a 2 year trip. A trip you probably barely survived…”

“Mia,” you interject to try and comfort her concern, but she continues and drops her arms to her sides to take an angry step towards you.

“No. No! We waited, I waited for you for 2 years, everyday I prayed that you wouldn’t meet the same fate everyone else did; my mom, my brother. I waited and now you’re leaving again.”

You swallow thickly and quietly mention who you’re going with this time in hopes that would help. “I’m going with my uncle Tommy. I’ll be back, I came back this time. I promise.”

“No, that’s no excuse—”

“And you can’t make me stay,” you cut her off this time. “I appreciate your concern, I do, but I have to see this girl off, I have to make this worth something…I lost people Mia, a guy I loved, and his brother who I adored…he got bit….” You pause and swallow back thickly. “If taking her might be worth something I have to do it for them.”

Mia seems puzzled by what you said since she doesn’t see the bigger picture, but she doesn’t argue now.

“I’ll come back,” you assure and take another step toward her to take her hands in yours. “I promise. I won’t leave after that. I’ll stay home. Just one more trip.”

Mia drops her gaze and hesitates before she nods softly and whispers, “okay. One more.” She then pulls her hands away to wrap you in an embrace. “Come back, okay?”

You return her embrace and nod. “I will,” you assure her. “I swear.” You give her one gentle squeeze before you pull away to offer her one last smile before you continue your way outside.

Yet, of course, as you walk past your yard, there, against the fence is Apollo with a backpack, and Achilles waiting next to him. How the hell did they know you’re leaving?

Did they overhear?

“Apollo?” You question and come to another stop.

Achilles runs to you and rubs his body against you before sitting by your side now, while Apollo turns to face you as he drops his folded arms down to his sides.

“I can get the horses, you check out the weapons.” He peels away from his spot and steps off the sidewalk, whilst you just look at him in disbelief.

“Hold up, where are you going?” You interrupt him.

Apollo stops in his tracks and just peers back. “I’m going with you and Tommy.” He mentions it casually.

You blink in disbelief and let out a breathless laugh. “What?” You shake your head. “Why?”

Apollo turns around completely and looks almost surprised you’d ask such a question. “I accidentally overheard you and your dad talking on my way to bed last night—”

Sure. Accidental.

“I'm not sitting on my ass here while you’re off risking your life and having all the fun—“

You scoff softly.

“Besides,” he adds in a softer voice. “I don’t want to wait for you to come back home again. I’ll go with you this time.”

You breath traps in your throat out of disbelief over his words, and a soft smile begins to appear on your features. “That’s nice,” you tell him. “Very…but…I can’t be who you want…not yet at least. I lost someone, someone I loved, someone I fell in love with. It’s still a fresh wound, ” you scoff as your eyes begin to sting. “I can’t be who you want, or what you want.”

Rather than being hurt, or upset by your words Apollo smiles. “I loved someone too. I was in love with her too. It hurts too. But,” he adds in a soft voice as he takes a step towards you. “I’m not asking you to be my first love, nor do I want to be yours….we can be each other's last, whenever you’re ready, I’ll wait.”

Tears fall past your eyes and you can only whisper. “Okay.”

He grins, but you step back again. “But I can’t make you come with us. I don’t want you to. Your brother is here, your dad,” you insist. “They need you alive.”

“I can die here too,” he interjects. “It doesn’t matter, y/n, I would go to the edge of earth with you. I would’ve had you asked me before.”

Your heart skips a beat, and you can’t help your smile. But as nice as his words are to hear, the answer remains the same. “What if I want you to wait for me here?” You say and now get closer to him. “So you can greet me when I get home. So I can have something to look forward to. A light in the dark.”

“That,” he chuckles softly. “Is the cheesiest thing ever.”

You laugh and nod in agreement, stopping now as you’re only inches away. “Yeah, but will you?” You querie.

He holds your gaze and offers you a soft assuring smile. “I already did, what’s another month or so?”

Your grin widens and you immediately throws your arms around him. He immediately returns the embrace and nuzzles his head on your shoulder.

“Be careful, okay?” He adds.

“I will,” you assure him and linger in his embrace for a moment longer. “You take care too, promise?”

“I promise.”

You smile and pull away to cup his cheek, he offers you a soft smile before he raises his hands to unwrap his scarf around his neck to instead carefully wrap it around yours.

“There, nice and toasty.” He murmurs.

You giggle and hold his gaze for another moment before you pull away before you couldn’t bring yourself to leave, and turn to walk to your uncle Tommy’s house now. You want to look back, but you don’t, you can’t, it’d only make you feel bad for leaving, so you just feel his stare and walk away. You can’t even give it too much or else you’ll feel bad too, you just clear your mind and walk.

Once you make it to the street where your uncle lives you catch him walking out of his own house. He spots you right away, and is rightfully surprised by your presence.

“What are ya doin’?” He asks once you meet halfway in the middle of the street.

You shrug. “Makin’ Maria even more mad.” You glance at his house and nod slowly. “Goin’ with Ellie, and you. Leaving, one more time. And don’t you dare fight me, I’ll fight back.”

Your uncles lips pull into a soft smile and he scoffs as he nods. “Okay then,” he doesn’t question you further, he respects your choice without a fight.

You glance at his house again and sigh. “No pancakes in there, is there?” You ask with a bit of hope.

He shakes his head. “Nope.”

“Well It’s a good thing I ate beforehand then.” You turn and begin to walk to the house Ellie and your dad were staying at. “Wanna go fetch her?”

He nods. “Yep.”

As he goes inside you wait outside and think about your dad now. He said he was going to do right by her, you trust him, but is he really not going to see her off at the gate or even just outside the house? You said your goodbyes last night just in case, but what about her?

“Y/N?” You hear Ellie’s voice as the front door closes behind her.

You lift your head, and offer her a sweet smile and a small wave. “Hey.”

She stops by you and studies you for a moment in this soft shocked reaction before she probes. “Are you coming?”

You nod and begin to follow after your uncle as he leads the way. “Yep. I’ve been gone from home for two years, what’s another month or so?” You tell her. “Besides, I don’t want to miss another hell of an adventure.” You smirk at her, and she offers you a soft smile. “Is that okay?” You make sure regardless of the relief you read on her face.

“Yeah,” Ellie says without hesitation. “Yeah.”

You offer one more smile before you skip ahead to walk at your uncles side. “Stables and then can we get my rifle and pistol? I’ve felt like I’ve been missin’ something all day. It’s weird.”

He peers back and then glances at you to nod. “Of course. How did it go with your friends? Have fun?”

You nod and begin to get ahead a bit. “Yeah. We had fun, we ate some food, we drank, watched Pulp Fiction—which,” you say and look back at Ellie, “we need to watch by the way, when we get back. Sorry, have you watched it?”

Ellie shakes her head. “I never have, no.”

You smirk. “Great movie. You’ll like it, I’m sure of it.”

“Is it romantic? I prefer more action and scary movies.” She says.

You scoff and shake your head. “Nah, it’s not romantic. You’ll like it, trust me.”

“You make a play based off that too?” Ellie comments, making your uncle chuckle.

You shoot her smirking face a narrowed glare. “No,” you deadpan. “I didn't. I couldn’t bring myself to do that to that movie.”

“No but seriously,” your uncle interjects. “Once we come back you need to tell her to make a play, they’re all surprisingly good.”

“Of course they are,” you quip. “And! What is that supposed to mean?”

He smirks. “Just surprisin’ that’s all. Don’t know where you get that talent from.”

You hum and shoot him a pointed glare, and leave at that as you see the stables coming up ahead.

“I get my own horse right?” You ask and run up ahead.

“You’re sharin!” Your uncle exclaims.

“Beats walkin’!” You comment and slow down as you enter the pen. And rather than waiting for them to catch up you walk in the stables to start getting the horse ready.

Albeit, just as you walk in you stop right away as you catch your dad saddling a horse. You know what it means; he changed his mind about staying. So instead of diving into questions you just smile at him as you meet his gaze, and look back as your uncle and Ellie walk in.

“You come here to say goodbye or something?” Ellie asks in an upset tone.

“No,” your dad says. “I came here to steal one of these horses and go.”

He could’ve just asked.

“Well,” your uncle interjects. “I woulda gave you one.”

Your dad pats the horse's neck and looks at his brother. “I know,” he says. “Anyway.” He glances at Ellie. “That was 30 minutes ago, and I guess…” he pauses and walks to Ellie to continue. “You deserve a choice. I still think you’d be better off with Tommy—”

He gets cut off suddenly as Ellie shoves a blue bag of supplies so he can hold, and retorts. “Let’s go.”

Your dad glances at you before looking back at Ellie and adding, “okay.”

Silence follows so you move past them to saddle your own horse since three don’t fit on one. Your uncle helps so the progress moves on faster, but as he does you come to the realization that now he won’t be coming. The only reason he was going was because your dad wasn’t, but now that he changed his mind your uncle stays.

“I’ll make it back before the baby is born,” you break your silence.

Your uncle looks over at you and shoots you a smile. “You better.”

“I’ll make it back before my birthday too,” you add with a playful smirk. “So you better start plannin’, you’ve been let off the hook for 2 years now.”

“You come back and I’ll throw you the biggest party you’ve had,” he feeds to your demand.

You smile softly as you feel sadness in your heart knowing you have to leave him again. “I’ll hold you to it.”

“Wouldn’t expect it any other way.”

You giggle and finish up saddling up your horse to then meet up with Ellie and your dad outside the stable.

“General direction?” Your dad asks your uncle, but he looks to you instead.

“She knows it, she can lead the way.” Your uncle points out. “You remember the school, right Sunny?”

You nod as you caress your black horse's neck. “Yeah. I remember.”

Your dad nods in comprehension, and once he looks back at his brother in front of him they quickly move in and embrace each other. It’s short but sweet, and makes you smile with joy to see that they’re doing okay.

It’s not like it was before, but the love is there.

“There’s a place for you here,” your uncle tells your dad once they’re apart. “For Ellie and you.”

“Countin’ on it,” your dad says, letting your uncle now look at you again.

“You come back now, understand?”

You shoot him a smirk. “Have to. Can’t miss my own party.”

He smiles and lets his eyes linger on you to take in the sight of you one more time.

“Can I borrow that?” Your dad interjects.

Your uncle breaks his gaze away from you to glance at his rifle before meeting your dads gaze. “Yeah.” He accepts and then slides the gun off his shoulder.

“‘Cause Maria took mine, you know?” Your dad says.

“I already said yes, Joel,” he retorts as he hands your dad the gun. “Adios, big brother.”

Your dad offers him a nod before finally moving out. And once you collect your own rifle, pistol, and other supplies you may need, you climb on your horse and head on out. One more time.

But, this time with not such a heavy heart, or a tormented mind.

——

*LATER*

The sound of the gunshot rang against the secluded grass field, and the sound of the bullet breaking a tree trunk echoes out, making you snicker at Ellie’s failure to shoot the close target.

She chooses to ignore you though and shoots again, but once again misses and hits a small pile of snow near the target. And this time you smile at the ground as you shift your position.

She does it a third time, but no luck, so she lets out an annoyed sigh that lets your dad comment. “Wide right.”

Ellie shakes her head in denial.

“You’re flinchin’,” you comment, and unfold your arms off your chest.

“The targets too small,” she rebuttals you and your dad.

“I made it bigger than I should’ve,” your dad mentions and points to the gun. “Eject the cartridge.”

Ellie does so and the bullet falls to the ground first before she argues back. “And I’m not flinching.”

You and your dad share a teasing look before you hum. “Mm-hmm.”

“The rifle just sucks,” Ellie keeps mumbling.

You roll your eyes, and your dad steps forward. “Okay, give It.”

Ellie hands the rifle to your dad with a sigh and another comment. “It doesn’t aim right.”

You crouch down beside your dad as he switches spots with Ellie, and hum again with a little playful smirk on your lips. “Mm-hmm.”

“You’ll see.”

“A deep breath in,” your dad says as he gets the gun ready. “Slow breath out. Squeeze the trigger like you love it.”

“Mm,” Ellie hums as she looks through the binoculars.

“Gentle,” he continues and lowers his head, and closes one eye to look better through the scope. “Steady…nice and slow.”

“You’re gonna shoot this thing or get it pregnant?” Ellie retorts, making you snicker as your dad looks up at her with a disapproving look.

“It isn’t gonna work. It doesn’t aim right,” Ellie continues, so your dad then hits the trigger gently and the bullet hits the target straight on, causing him to lower the gun and look up at her all cocky.

“You dick,” Ellie quips with a grin.

Your dad shrugs smugly, causing you to snicker at Ellie.

“2 out 2?” You suggest smugly.

Your dad smirks and happily hands you the rifle, making Ellie shake her head in disapproval.

“Watch carefully, kid,” you comment as you scoot further in the middle.

“Don’t get the gun pregnant,” she quips.

“Haha, funny,” you mumble and eject the cartridge as you close one eye and aim at the target. “Now…” you trail as you hit the trigger, and the bullet whizzes out and hits the target inches away from where your dad hit it.

“See,” you taunt Ellie and lift your head. “Can I get a bump?” You offer her your fist.

Ellie scoffs lightheartedly and pushes your fist away. “No,” she grumbles, so your dad gently taps your fist with his.

“You guys suck,” Ellie scoffs and turns around to head back to the horses.

You snicker and push yourself to your given height, and hand the rifle back to your dad to quickly catch up to Ellie. “You just need patience,” you assure her and look around the fields. “You’ll get the hang of it.”

Ellie glances at you and then looks back at your dad following at your tail. “Did it take you time?”

You sigh deeply. “Not much, but it’s not because I had much of a choice, I was forced to adapt, forced to learn everything quickly to survive. It’s not super easy for you, but you have it easier, you’re used to all this shit since you were born in it, I wasn’t.”

“So you’re saying I can be better,” Ellie comments.

You glance at her and scoff as you nudge her to the side. “Sure, practice and then we’ll see.”

Ellie smirks and nods in comprehension. Once you reach your horses you continue on ahead down your path, filling the day with silence at times and conversations that come up at other times. Due to the horses it was faster to get around the land, it was also less stressful since they can pick up sounds neither you might hear.

Luckily though they didn’t catch anything bad, no infected or people, the path was clear and the day was easy, making for a calm night in the spot you settled down at.

“Now that we have time,” you interject and grab your backpack from behind you to plop it down in front of you. “I have a Christmas gift for you Ellie.”

“What? Really?” Ellie queries curiously.

You hum and open your backpack. Since what you have for her is placed on top you look over at her sitting to the side of the campfire and add on. “I gave my dad his Christmas gift early, so might as well give yours early too.” You shoot her a smile, and she glances at your dad with slight shock before getting up from her seat to sit next to you.

“Now keep in mind,” you continue and now begin to pull out her gift. “I didn’t have time to go into town to actually shop well, but I do hope you like it.” You fully pull out her gift and hand it to her. “And it’s not wrapped either so sorry.”

Ellie’s smile turns timid as she takes the brown leather holster from you, but she soon grins once she figures out what it is exactly. “No way!” She exclaims and stands up to hook it around her hip. “A thigh holster!”

“Now you don’t have to be scared about shooting off your ass,” your dad comments.

You giggle and nod in agreement as you watch Ellie now tie the last strap above her knee. “Cool,” she mumbles and tucks her pistol in the holster before quickly sliding it out and pointing at the empty space between your dad and you—“Fast move,” she mutters to herself, and then spins the gun around her finger to try and insert it back in the holster all swiftly, but the gun hits the ground instead.

“Jesus, Ellie,” your dad snaps.

Ellie stifles her laugh so as to not piss your dad off and picks up her gun to put it back. However she then finds the tip hits against something inside so she pulls out the gun and digs her fingers inside, and pulls out a leather necklace with a small piece of wood carved into a neat circle with a butterfly burned onto it. On each side of the necklace, over the wood are small wooden beads.

“Is this…” she pauses and her smile softens as well as her eyes. “Is it for me too?”

You nod. “Yeah. The necklace is adjustable so you can have it where it feels comfortable.”

Ellie grins softly and turns the small wooden pendant and smiles wider.

“It has my name on it—did you do this?” She asks.

You scoff and shake your head. “Nah, my friend did. I can’t do that.”

Ellie looks back at the necklace and shifts her eyes to the other thing around it, something small, thin, plastic and shaped like a dull triangle. “What is this?”

You glance over at your dad and let him answer. “A…guitar pick. Uh…I figure that once we go back to Jackson you’ll need a hobby so you won’t get bored, so I thought maybe you’d like to learn how to play a guitar.”

You smile wider and look back to Ellie, seeing her eyes only twinkle brighter. “You play?” She probes.

He nods. “Haven’t played in some time, but yeah, I do. I taught y/n a bit. I can teach you if you’d like.”

Ellie nods quickly. “Yeah, that’d be cool. I’d like that. Thank you, the both of you. I’m sorry I don’t have a gift for you, y/n.”

You shake your head and assure her. “Don’t worry about it. You can make it up for my birthday. My uncle Tommy is throwing me a party.” You share with a sweet smile.

“Oh is he now?” Your dad probes.

You glance at him and nod. “Yep. You guys are invited by the way.”

“I’ll think about it,” your dad teases you, making you scoff and roll your eyes.

“By the way,” Ellie interjects as she ties the necklace around her neck. “Why does Tommy call you Sunny? Is it like a middle name or something?”

“A nickname,” you tell her. “But I don’t know why exactly he does, he just does. I’ve never asked.” You shrug.

“He says it because,” your dad cuts in, causing Ellie and you to look over at him. “Back when y/n was a little girl she always had a Sunny disposition, she was always smilin’. As a little baby she was easy to make laugh too, so one time this song by some 70s band with the same name began to play, and he got it from there.”

Ellie smiles. “Sweet,” she comments, whilst you grin and miss your uncle all over again.

At least this time it’s not as bad as before though, because at least now you do have your father, and are closer to Ellie, so they make it all easier now. They make the long days of riding that follow a lot easier, and even make those days seem quicker. Especially because Ellie has a lot of questions regarding the time before.

Like now for example, as you’re riding on horseback through the woods she breaks the peaceful silence with a question. “So the way they ran stuff in Jackson, was how things used to be?”

“No,” your dad answers this question. “The country was too big for that. Back then there were basically two main ways of lookin’ at things. Some people wanted to own everything.”

“Mm-hmm,” Ellie hums in comprehension, and your dad continues.

“And some people didn’t want anyone to own anything at all.”

“Which one were you?” Ellie asks.

“Neither,” he says. “I just did my job.”

“Which was…” Ellie trails off as she thinks, and glances at you since you had told her once before. “Building?” She asks.

“That’s right,” he answers. “Houses, stores, that kinda thing. We were called “contractors”.”

“The contractor,” Ellie says in a deep voice, making you grin down at your handle—“that’s pretty cool.”

“Yeah,” your dad adds on. “We were cool. Everybody loved contractors.”

Really? Hm.

“Nice,” Ellie says and proceeds to rest her head on his back.

You try to think if he’s right, but you were too young before to know otherwise, and your uncle Tommy never said anything against it so your dad must be right.

“This has been ‘Construction corner with Joel Miller’,” you quote in a deep voice.

Ellie and your dad look over at you, and you laugh.

“It’s what Tess used to say.” You let Ellie know, and remind your dad.

Ellie smiles and then adds her own bit. “The Contractor!” She mocks in a deep voice.

You smirk. “The Contractor!” You mock as well. “Joel the Contractor.”

Ellie laughs and repeats what you said. “Joel the Contractor.”

Where is Tess? You may have not known her long, she might’ve scared you a bit before, but she was nice and cool. You’d ask, but you didn’t want to sour the mood, so you went on going without knowing.

Eventually the day turns to night and so as to not exhaust yourselves you camp for the night; this time in a place deeper in the woods.

“Okay,” you add as you stare up at the starry sky. “So if you could name 3 songs to describe yourself, what would it be?”

Ellie hums, and you glance over at your dad that has his back turned to Ellie and you.

“I wouldn’t know,” she mutters.

“Okay,” you nod. “Then to describe each other.”

You have three perfect songs for Ellie.

Ellie goes silent for a second before interjecting loudly in defeat. “Fuck, I don’t know!”

You giggle, and unexpectedly your dad interjects when he’s supposed to be sleeping.

“Three? For you, y/n, Uptown Girl by Billy Joel, Sunny, and,” he pauses and begins to laugh.

“What?” You probe and flip around to face his back. “What other song?”

“That song you sang for my birthday 20 years ago, by that one rapper named after two quarters.”

“Oh god,” you grumble and flip back around to face the sky. “I thought you forgot that! That’s so embarrassing!”

“Wait?! What?!” Ellie exclaims and flips around to face you and your dad. “What song is it?”

“I don’t know,” your dad says. “Tell y/n to sing it for you.”

“Daddy,” you warn. “Don’t.”

“What?” He chuckles. “It was cute, I told ya it was. She,” he continues and looks over his shoulder. “She dressed up as me that day; she wore one of my shirts, put on this fake mustache, and sang this rap song as one of my birthday gifts. It was great, one of my favorite gifts by far.”

You slap your hands on your face to hide your embarrassment.

“Really?” Ellie probes with a snicker. “That’s nice. Do you remember the words, y/n? I’d love to hear them since you know, I’m not that well up to date about the world before.”

Guilt tripping you? Not nice.

You don’t fall for it, you shake your head. “No!” You deny her, and pull your hands off your face to pull your sheet over your face as you drag yourself further in your sleeping bag. “This is over goodnight!”

“Come on!” Ellie presses you, and you can practically feel her grin. “Just one verse!”

You ignore them and pretend to be asleep. They both then try to press you, but you stay defiant and don’t give in. They eventually drop it after relentless teasing, so the night passes, a day does too and so on until finally that day comes when you’re finally close to your destination.

“Here we were,” you say as you bring your horse, and the other two to a stop in front of the intersection. “We’re here.”

“Well,” your dad interjects. “How ‘bout that? Made it in five days.”

“Easy days,” Ellie says, and you keep on moving now towards the city. “I don’t know what Tommy was so afraid of.”

“Still time to find out.”

“Still time to find out,” Ellie mocks your dad using a deep voice.

You glance over at her and scoff in amusement, while your dad shoots her a hard pointed stare.

“The contractorrrr,” Ellie whispers creepily.

You laugh and play along too. “Joel the Contractor.”

Ellie lets out a chuckle and repeats what you said. “Joel the contractorrr.”

You both share a laugh that’s quickly cut off by your dad.

“Quiet, the both of you, we’re going to enter the city now we don't know what lies ahead.”

You stifle your teasing smile and assure them. “Nothin’, the city isn’t wiped out from infected, but it’s not bad considering it’s where the firefly’s come to. Same goes for stragglers and groups. We’ll be on the clear if we head directly to campus.”

“And that’s where they’ll be?” Ellie asks with no laugh or smile now.

When you steal her a glance you see slight fear and worry, so you do your best to come off confident. “It's where they stay,” you assure her. “They’ll be there.”

Hopefully….

.

.

.

A/N- Why can’t the Miller’s just eat pancakes and be happy? Anyway don’t forget that gesture of reader laying her head on Joel’s chest, it’s gonna come back and bite everyone in the ass iykyk

Tagged- @slut-f0r-u @star-wars-lover @traceylader @givemylovetoall @itzagothamcitysiren @sammy-13 @beloved-reblogger @emiriia @rues-daya @sunfairyy @littleshadow17 @mcu-starwars @bigtuffswordboy @riaqiax @dheet @queenofthekill @joliettes @d4rno @dgraysonss @rana030 @punisherinthealps @pedropascalluvr41 @ahoyyharrington @beaniebeensbaby201 @maeneedsabreak @maelartasch @adristyles @daughterofthequeen @alastorhazbin @ririvilliams @khaylin27 @hypatia93 @hummusxx @v4mpyk1tten @1donoow @your-shifting-gurl

[ilguna]

Hi! Congrats on your 2K, Quinn! I'd like to request for your special event, please? 56, either Johanna or Finnick with female pronouns.

☼ second choice (Finnick Odair) ☼

warnings; swearing

wc; 2.2k

prompt; 56. "Am I not good enough?"

notes; you didn't specify a list, so i'm making it a spin the bottle.

–

You’re beginning to hit the point where you don’t even know why you bother to stay for Finnick anymore.

The only reason you can come up with so far is that there must be some feeling that you get when you’re only around Finnick. Maybe it’s the butterflies in your stomach, or the way he can take your breath away if he really wanted to. Sometimes he seems so interested in you that you don’t know why you doubt his feelings so much. Other times it’s like you’re there for decoration. 

It must be an impossible feeling to replicate, because you’re just putting yourself through continuous torture. You could probably find someone who can treat you better than this. At the very least, keep the promises that they make you, instead of breaking them as soon as they have the opportunity to.

You’ve lost count of the amount of times he’s done that to you in the past year. It started with a few promises that he’ll take you out on a date. It’ll be you two, it doesn’t have to be anything fancy if you don’t want to. You could go out on a picnic date, you could go on a jog, the two of you could try painting each other. As long as you were together, it would count.

He gets so close to making the commitment each time. He’ll have the day and the time set aside, tell you what you should expect so that there’s no surprises. He makes it sound perfect each time, irresistible. You don’t think that he’s going to bail out on the plans since they’re so intricate. And yet, he breaks it the day before or the day of.

You don’t even bother getting your hopes up when he tries to plan with you.

Finnick goes through girls like they’re water. You could blink for a second too long and he’d be onto a new girl already. You’re not sure how he does it, how he has this endless line around the block, but it’s getting tiring. It was never this bad a couple of years ago, he had a steady relationship for a while. The breakup must’ve fucked him up wrse than you expected, because it’s only gotten like this during the last year.

In all honesty, this house party is the first time you’ve actually made plans with him that have actually gone through. Even then, you saw Finnick for maybe the first hour that it started, before he disappeared into thin air. You’re not sure why you allowed him to convince you to come here. Or why you didn’t change your mind when you saw the guest list.

Hell, you don’t know why you’re still sitting in this corner of his dining room on the stool.

He told you that if you showed up tonight, then you wouldn’t regret it. It’d be the party of your life because he knows that you’re not usually one to attend parties like this because they make you claustrophobic. It doesn’t matter, though, the two of you are going to be talking about it until you’re old and wrinkly.

Well, so far, it’s been the opposite. This is not your idea of a fun weekend. You can’t have any of the alcohol because it’s all open, and there’s a good chance that someone’s done something to at least one of the bottles. You don’t want to touch any of the food, because you’ve seen people lick their fingers and then touch every possible chip in the bowl before pulling their hand out again.

You’d talk to people, except the music’s so loud that you can’t think to yourself in a coherent line of thought. You hate dancing because of the way people think that it’s an automatic invitation to come over and touch you. And the outfit you’re wearing would ride up if you tried to join the rhythm that everyone else is dancing at.

For fuck’s sake, you came here to be with Finnick. You thought that this would finally show him that you could be on the same level as him if he really wanted it to be that way. If he wants you to party and drink, then you’d do that. If he wanted to chill and have dinner, you wouldn’t complain. If he wants to go out and cause fights and do crime, you’d make a couple of masks.

You just want to spend time with him. He won’t let you two hang out one-on-one anymore. You think that it might have something to do with commitment issues, but you don’t want to project that onto him. Finnick’s more than capable of keeping a girl if he wanted to, so why isn’t he?

You’d leave if it weren’t for the fact that you’ve dedicated too much time to give up now. You think that if he screws up one more time, then you’re done, though. You can’t keep watching him turn his back to you. You can’t keep listening to him talk about another girl when it could be you. All that heartbreak that he puts himself through wouldn’t happen if he were with you.

You hate to say it this way, but those girls that he’s going after can’t understand him the same way that you can. Each time they break up, it stems from him winning the Hunger Games. There’s some unresolved trauma with him that they can’t stand to be around, so they leave him instead.

You know what it’s like to win, to survive the depression that follows after. You know about the nightmares, waking up in a puddle of your own sweat, heart racing in your chest, not sure if it was real or not. You know how the Capitol gets about the victor’s, there was a period of time where they wanted you, too.

You got through the survivor's guilt. You know everything that they don’t understand, and still he chooses the girls that are eventually going to leave him so he has an excuse to choose another and start over. As if the results are going to be any different. 

He won’t take you into consideration, and it’s driving you crazy. The worst part is that Finnick’s your only friend here. You know the other victor’s, of course. If you had to, you’d be able to make small talk with them. They’re harder to get along with is the issue. They’ve all got their niche interests and since you didn’t make an effort to talk to them as soon as they won, they snub you every time you come around. 

They’re passive–aggressive, and you only have yourself to blame for that.

You’re in too deep to just up and start over.

You rub the underside of your jaw, watching as more people enter the dining room, making it more crowded. You need to get out of here before you scream, because if any more people come into this house, then you’re going to have to leave. There’s no way the other older victor’s aren’t pissed at Finnick by now.

You slide off the stool, starting down the hallway to get to the bathroom. You need a few minutes to cool off, and then you can try finding Finnick again. There’s been two unsuccessful attempts so far, and you have a feeling that there’s about to be a third. Either way, at the rate you’re going, you won’t be leaving your house for the next month if you can help it. 

Even taking a step in the hallway is hard. This house really is packed full, you’re all a bunch of sardines in a tin. You can’t imagine what the clean up is going to look like tomorrow. With your luck, it’ll probably involve you and Finnick, a pair of gloves and a trash bag. He’ll be talking about how crazy the party was, mentioning different situations that happened and asking if you saw any of them.

And you’ll sourly tell him no, because you lost him in the beginning and couldn’t find him no matter how hard you tried. He won’t care, because he had fun and he didn’t notice your absence, because it’s not like you two hang out ever, anyway. He’ll then ask you if you had fun at all, and you’ll lie through your teeth and tell him yes, even though you could be doing much better things than wasting your time in some fucking corner of his dining room, slowly rotting away.

As you’re about to finally make a good few steps toward the bathroom, his laughter cuts right through the music. You can’t help your reaction, whipping around, eyes searching the crowd in the living room to find where he is. This afternoon, he had you help him move the couch to the top of the stairs to block it off to keep his bedroom private.

He spent the entire time laughing at you because you slipped while going up the stairs backward.

You find his bronze hair reflecting the colored lights. He’s not the tallest person in the room right now, there’s plenty of other guys and girls that top him easily, making him seem average. You follow his head down to his shoulders, and further to see what he’s laughing at.

You halfway expect to see some of his closest high school friends that he still hangs out with. He did mention that they’d be coming tonight, and you’d probably end up in one big group together. You were included in this hypothetical situation. You haven’t seen any of them so far.

As it turns out, he’s not standing with them, either. Your eyes find someone much worse, the newest victor of Four. Her name is Alethia, and she really is a sweet girl, but she must be absolutely clueless, because every other girl victor in Four knows not to get between you and Finnick.

You’re not entirely sure how, but you had a feeling that she’d be the next girl that he’d go after. He’s been talking about her more often, and when he casually mentioned that she’d be coming to the party tonight, you felt physically ill. She’s pretty, she’s got long brown hair and a contagious laugh. She can make anyone feel good about themselves if she’s around them long enough.

Finnick must feel the pair of eyes on him, because he turns to look in your direction. You barely make eye contact with him before you’re turning around to leave the direction you came. You’re no longer being gentle and patient, elbowing people out of the way when they don’t move immediately. You get a few shouts and curses behind you, but you ignore them.

It’s happened again, you let it happen again.

The door rattles from how hard you slam it behind you when you leave. The cool spring air courses over your skin, a stark contrast between the sweltering heat that was inside of the house. She brings you into her embrace, bringing you down from your anger slightly. 

For how packed it is inside of the house, there’s only two people outside, respectfully smoking while chatting. They pay no attention to you as you go down the steps, and you make it into the walkway to go home, when the door opens.

You can hear the music crystal clear before it’s cut off by the door shutting, “(Y/n).” 

Finnick’s tone is condescending, you grit your teeth, trying to control the anger that flushes through your body intensely. The heat takes over once again as you turn to face him, “Oh, don’t ‘(Y/n)’ me, you stupid dick!”

His face twists into surprise, eyebrows raising as he watches you. He doesn’t speak again, suddenly apprehensive about continuing the conversation past this point. Your hands are balled into fists at your side, nails digging into your palms. If he came down here right now, you don’t think you'd be able to control yourself.

“I can’t keep doing this with you, all this back and forth shit. One second you want me, the next you have a different girl in your bed.” You spit, air going cold, “I am not going to sit around forever, waiting for you to make up your mind. I have feelings too, you know. A life to live beyond you.”

Finnick scoffs, “I didn’t know it meant that much to you.”

“Meant that much?” You yell, the people on the porch jump from the sudden change of tone, “You’ve been promising me that you were going to take me out on a date for months! Of course it means that much to me!”

He stares at you, not saying anything. He doesn’t care, he never has. He probably doesn’t even realize what he’s been doing this entire time, leading you on.

“Am I not good enough?” Your voice breaks, tears appearing in your eyes as it really dawns on you.

Finnick’s face smooths out, paling, “(Y/n)--”

“I can’t anymore, Finnick. I can’t keep listening to your apologies, because nothing’s going to change. Go find some other girl to torture, because I’m fucking tired of it.”

--

this is part of my 2k celebration!

you can join the party -> HERE.

[tiens-letters]

Oohh another request haha. I love this thank you and i hope you like it :>

were the bruises to your heart worth it?

Childe angst

You mulled over your sister's words for the nth time today. Her voice playing on loop inside your head, drifting in and out of a mundane daydream.

"why are you still with him?" you wondered as well as to why you still stuck with Ajax, all these days in 3 years of being wit him. Perhaps it was devotion, it was love to persevere even in the wrath of crumbling times and yet why does your heart ache a little more these days he's been far from you.

The days when he would come home, wounded and tired you were there to nurse him back. Back then it was something you'd do out of care and worry, which was until these recent days where it felt as if it were a job you didnt want to do as he would shrug you off instead and locking himself in another room. You barely remember the time where you both shared a quiet night basking in each other's presence, with limbs in a tangle and your forehead upon his beating chest, it was almost none existent as the home you both had felt so utterly desolate, void of the homey ambience.

Youve endured a month of his uncalled behaviour, breaking you even further as things slipped from your grasp leaving you empty and in agony. There were times you'd silently let tears fall as he slept so soundly beside you, unbothered by your pain. He's become more and more as the harbinger you forgot him to be and not your darling lover Ajax.

He never noticed your puffy eyes, sunken cheeks and dwindling weight yet he noticed all the small mistakes youve made. Where one day, left you with a bruise on the arm due his snake like grip after blowing up on you right after he came home from a long journey to sumeru.

You left. 

Childe came home earlier than expected, once again tired and nursing a few minor wounds on his body. All he wanted was your touch on his skin as you lulled him to sleep only that to his utter surprise that the house was empty. Perhaps you went out for an errand or for another pot of your favourite flower that you kept in the small garden at the back.

Not giving it too much thought, he lounged on the couch awaiting your return, eyelids soon drooping as the soft pillow coaxed him to sleep.

As the grandfather clock swings its pendulum, the sound echoing through the whole room signifying the arrival of midnight, an eerie sound waking Childe back to consciousness. Groggy from rising he scanned the room only to find it darker than before, if it werent for the nearby lamp he switched open, he swore he couldve been swallowed by the darkness.

Were you not home yet?

A dreadful feeling washed over him as your presence was nowhere around the house. He called out for you as he rushed through the halls, a sliver of hope vanishing every corner turned and every door opened led to nothing but misery.

You always leave a note as to where you are going and yet it was another one out of the many abnormalities in his home.

"Darling? Please i hope youre not playing with me!" he calls out to no one in particular, denying the fact of your existence gone with the wind. Your clothes were all intact and so does your other belongings. He thought of every possibility of what couldve befallen his lover, mostly gravitating towards the worst of the worst case scenarious and may the archons forbid, he would never recover from the blow.

"Where are you?!"

Then it dawned on him after much pondering and pulling his falling parts together. The things he did, the words he said it all came flooding through him like a rushing cold river, hitting him fair and square in the chest and came forth an otherworldly pain and regret. He gasps, almost suffocating by the weight of his sins and he wished he had died right then and there in atonement for his crimes.

Soon his vision became bleary as eyes misted over with tears that fell freely from his ocean eyes. He ruined it. Ruined you.

And yet he could not let you go.

Days seemed to pass by so fast that it had already been 5 months of liberation from Ajax's presence. You were slowly building yourself up once again, the temple that was torn down by a single crack, slowly being rebuilt brick by brick.

Your love for Ajax, even if it left quite the bruise to your heart, it was still there, lingering in the air and a part of you missed him so. You wondered how he would be doing, you wondered if he looked for you just as you did when he didnt come home on the date set, you wonder if he wept when he couldnt feel you next to him, just as you did 150 days ago. You wondered if he ever called your name all the while giving a lingering kiss to the painting that hung on the foyer. You wondered if what you both had, had any significance to him at all.

"Stop doing that." you jolted from where you sat, the book falling off your lap as you met your sister's stern glare from across the room.

"Stop doing what?"

"You are thinking about Tartaglia again. Its been over 5 months and that blundering fool never made an effort to find you much less apologize for what he did when you were still there." there was anger in her voice as she recounted the day you came to her door, teary eyed and just utterly torn. Never once did she felt like murdering someone so bad, especially when it had you, her only family involved.

"Im sorry, I-i just--"

"Hush now." she came over in her elegant strides to take you in her arms, the familiar scent of your mother's favorite perfume stayed on her like second skin and you were so grateful that you had her. You let yourself cry in her embrace in quiet comfort.

Childe never stopped.

Secretly searching for atleast a tiny clue of your whereabouts wore him down to the bone and yet he never gave up. How could he? Even if he thought he was so undeserving of you he still pushed on to right what wrong he's made. The details gathered had been insufficient to serve as a lead making Childe more desperate in his attempt to search for you. Nights were spent on scouring places and information seeking and his work, only done in the daytime. He never wasted a wink on sleep as it was an obstacle to getting closer to you and even when his body collapsed due to exhaustion of overworking all he could think was you.

The search has led a certain fatui informant who works for one of the harbingers. With a note slipped in secrecy on a specific time containing an address on the small parchment. It was all Childe needed to fuel his buried hope as he took off towards snezhenaya.

He never imagined he'd arrive right in front of the iron gates that encased the whole estate atop a mountain. The wind bellowed stronger than before as the snow rained harder upon the place. Luckily, he was born in this region and had survived throughout. 

He wondered why you came here, to such a dreadful place but then again, anywhere was better than right by him.

Trying to push open the gates only to be repelled by cryo magic, burning through his gloves and into his skin, leaving fresh burns on his palms as he gasped in pain. Whoever lives here clearly didnt want anyone trespassing much less had a fancy for guests.

He was starting to grow cold as his energy was slowly being siphoned by days of travel, it would only take a matter of time before he passes out.

He calls out, hoping someone inside would hear him.

And you did, only that it seemed like the wind but the time you looked outside the library window, you saw a person outside the gates. The familiar ginger hair tousled with the wind and as you strained your ears to hear and that was when it filled your ears, Ajax's voice. Something you havent heard in quite a long time.

As quick as lightning you stood, half running half gliding through the halways and down the stairs, there was no coherent thought, only him. He was freezing outside the barrier and you pushed yourself more to reach him.

Your figure stepping out through the door was almost like a dream to him. Your name oh so longingly leaving his bluing lips.

"Ajax!" you were in time as you caught his figure which seemed lighter than before. He clung to you, legs desperately tryinf to hold him up. You were here, right in his arms, alive and warm.

"Im sorry. Im so sorry. Please I love you." he rambles on, like a mantra he apologizes over and over again, sobbing and stumbling on his words as he held you so achingly close "Forgive me. Forgive me..."

"Step away from him this instant." your sister, Signora hisses from behind you, just as you were about to coax Ajax she already had a cryo dagger aimed at his head

"Sister please!" you plead, your panic growing as you saw Ajax huffing in labored breaths "Let him come inside or he will freeze to death."

Signora sees the urgency in your eyes and the undying devotion you still hold for the man in your arms. She dematerializes the dagger with a wave of her hand.

"Fine but if I see tears in your eyes then dont you ever dare stop me from what Im going to do to him."

"Thank you sister." you smile at her as she steps backs inside the house and you follow in after her with Ajax leaning on you for support. Once inside, you had him lay on the couch by the fire after helping him out of his winter garments and replacing it for a knitted quilt.

"Im sorry." bloodshot ocean eyes looked at you with so much guilt and a love that you almost forgot "I-i im so so sorry."

"Lets talk about this after youve rested." this time you couldnt look at him, the ache in your heart throbs from the bruises it still nursed. You stood before falling further only for him to catch your shaking hand with his equally shaking one.

"Dont leave." he whimpers, the fear of abandonment increasing as he pleaded for you to stay. instead, you let go of his hand and placed yours instead over his eyes making him uncharacteristically shriek surprising you even more, making you think what other worldly pain he was experiencing as of  the moment. "No! No No.  Please Its dark." 

Ajax cries as he thrashed around because he feared that if he sleeps he would go back to the nightmare of you not by his side and that would leave him all cold and alone just like in the past. he didnt want to go back there, not now when he's seen you. As much as he'd hate to admit, he was truly and utterly terrified but you had to let him rest and with the help of your vision he finally succumbed to a dreamless, peaceful sleep. Only that he calmed down did you notice how much he's lost, where your once sunken cheeks, puffy eyes and weight loss now transferred to him and it made you sick to your stomach. your lips found his forehead as you wished him a good rest, you left the room after bandaging his burned hands to gather yourself for when he finally came to his sensible self.

when you thought it was going to take a full day for him to wake up  only to find him stumbling about in the living room calling your name on his lips like a broken record. you immediately rushed down and burst into the room to find him clutching his head and gasping breathlessly. he looked crazed until he caught sight of you standing by the door, a worried look on your face was when he finally came to. he ran to you, clung to you like it was the last day of the world to live and sighed into your welcoming smell. 

"are you alright now?" you ask him as you part in arms width 

"Hit me." he tells you in all seriousness in his worn out state 

"W-what?" you were certain he was still out of it until he grabbed your hand in an attempt to hit himself to which you stopped immediately 

"Hit me! Scream at me all you want. Call me words Ive called you. Ive broken you! Do you not see that?!" funny how he couldnt see himself, he who's become worse over the course of the months . his tone rose and fell until it was only a whisper above his panting 

"Just dont abandon me." he shuts his eyes, steeling himself for your judgment  until he felt your hands on his face again, making soothing circles on his cheek 

"look at me Ajax." you coax him and he did and he could see assurance and the love for him still remained and he wanted to cry again but tears have long gone abandoned him and left him in such a regretful state, he truly didnt deserve you and you never deserved to be treated that way. "Youve hurt me yes and nothing can change that but I wasnt planning on you leaving you. I couldnt as I love you too much that I wouldnt imagine life without you but Ajax, the things you did to me, to us,  was painful." 

"I know and Im so sorry." he held himself from rambling as the pain in chest grew even more burdensome, something he would willingly carry as he vows to himself to never hurt you and if he did  then he would tear himself down "I love you" 

"and I to you Ajax. Just promise me that when you are having a hard time, let us talk it out and not result to screaming and painful banters." 

"I promise darling. on my life and everything in this world. I vow to never cause you pain like I did and to only give you love and care that someone like you deserve." 

there he was, your Ajax. He was home. 

[weirdsht]

Uphold - LotCF & Regressor! Reader

a/n: idk what came over me but when i got my senses back a whole day has passed and I've written 12 pages

Warnings: might be ooc, male reader, use of prince for reader (like how in some they call the duke's children prince/princess yeah like that), there's romantic feelings involved but it wasn't that touched upon, i might've messed up the timelines, novel spoilers (but i think they were quite vague), if you hate soft characters then reader is not for you, bit of angst, death, Alberu and Cale focused

English isn’t my first language so there will be grammatical errors

Pls don't repost my work anywhere without my permission

If there's something missing in the warnings let me know so I can add it

Any form of interaction toward the post is appreciated <333

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Masterlist

‘It hurts’

Red. All you can see was red.

Was it your blood? Was it someone else's? You have no idea.

Dying. You know you're dying.

This war has been going on for too long. Too many have been lost. Your family, friends, acquaintances. Almost all of them are gone.

Except for one

Cale Henituse

He's the only one left in your life, and you’re the only one left in his.

And now you’re dying. About to leave him.

‘Ah till the end I haven’t said my feelings’ 

Maybe it was for the best. You aren’t quite sure yourself. All your brain can register is the stinging pain in your chest along with the pounding that just keeps on getting worse.

Red. Everything was red. Still, you can make out the silver armor with a bit of red hair sticking out.

You try to weakly reach out your hand towards the blurry figure you know too well. Not sure whether you’re reaching the right place. In spite of that, you still reach out, hoping to at least feel his warmth for the last time.

“...I …I’m so rry”

Tears were probably flowing out from your eyes. You weren’t quite sure from all the blood on you but it felt like you were crying. 

‘I’m sorry for leaving you alone’

‘I’m sorry for not telling you my true feelings’

‘I’m sorry for even harboring this feelings’

’Just for everything, I’m sorry’ 

Sadly you don’t have the energy to even speak those words. 

Aside from that, you believe you have no other regrets. You tried your best with the war. Try your best to uphold your family name. Protect the country, the world. 

“Don’t, don’t talk. Save your energy help will come soon. Your crown prince hyung is on his way”

Were there tears flowing down from his face? You weren’t sure. At this point even your hearing was fuzzy. 

It was too late to be saved and both of you knew that.

“D on’t le ave, plea se. Just ..just stay w ith me till the en d”

“Okay okay, I’m here I won’t leave you. Your other hyung is nearby too, just hang on.”

Frail, bloody hands gripped strong, shaky ones. For the last moments of your life, you just want to be at peace and spend time with your childhood friends. Something you haven’t gotten the chance to do ever since the war started. You think the times you’ve seen your crown prince hyung’s face can be counted on one hand.

“I’m here, your other hyung is here. I’ve also called a healer.”

You didn’t manage to catch his next words clearly. But you can understand that it’s him apologizing that he can’t use the star of healing on you. You’re aware that it’s no one’s fault. He used the star of healing earlier and it wasn’t a waste so that’s good with you.

Black spots fill your sight and your hearing becomes more fuzzy. Your grip on Cale’s hands was getting weaker and weaker.

“Hyu ng …Alberu hyung. Ple ase ta ke care of the king dom.”

‘I’m sorry I can’t continue to take care of it with you.’

You know you’re time was almost up

You have a lot of regrets but you know it’s no use mulling over them now

But still. Before you pass, maybe you can say it softly. 

Before you rest eternally

Before you depart forever

“I ..I love you”

‘So much that leaving you hurts more than dying’

Not sure how you managed to say those three words coherently. You were glad to be able to convey your feelings at the last moment.

With that, the black spots have fully dominated your sight and the world seemed so quiet and peaceful.

‘I died…’

‘I’m sure I died’

Waking up with a slight jolt you see yourself inside your room. Specifically, you’re inside your room at the Henituse state.

“Is something the matter young master?”

Ron was standing by your bedside with a tray of tea and your favourite sweets. He looked like a concerned old man. But you know better after finding out his an assassin.

“... oh.. Um Ron, what’s the date?”

Confusion and dread filled your entire being. Sure you have a room at the Henituse territory as you seem to practically live there, but you haven’t been at this place since the war broke out. That and you were sure Ron left the Henituse family a few years ago.

“...The 29th day of the 3rd month in the 781st year of the felix calendar. Is there a problem, young master? You seem to be sweating.”

If it was Cale it could be passed as him being drunk. That wasn’t the case with you though. You were always the rational one between the two of you. The one reeling the problematic young master and preventing him from doing great damage. So of course, if you’re the one asking people are bound to be concerned.

“I.. I had a nightmare. Please get me something refreshing to drink. Ah, but leave the tea.”

Being the ever-attentive butler Ron is, he already has a towel ready and wipes the bullets of sweat that have gathered in your wake after getting your permission. He also already told someone to prepare your bath and get a drink from the kitchen.

You just let everything happen in a daze. You weren’t sure what happened or what was going on as the servants helped you bathe. But you were sure that time turned back.

It turned back a day before Cale met the soon-to-be renowned swordsman, Choi Han.

The ever-capable servant Ron observed as the other servants attended to you. It has been almost an hour since you woke up but you still seem to be out of it. He was sure that nothing happened yesterday as he personally watched his two puppy young masters.

For some reason though, two cute puppies are suddenly acting strange.

Well, it might really just be a nightmare but Ron was still suspicious. 

“Young master Cale will be dining with everyone for breakfast. Shall you do the same?”

“Huh? Oh? Cale at the breakfast table? Sure I’ll go too”

“I shall make preparations then.”

The old man was still concerned yet he still followed orders and started preparing so the duke’s son could join breakfast.

‘Something’s weird’

‘That’s not Cale’

Yes, it’s Cale but at the same time, it’s not. As if someone took over his body. No one else seemed to notice it so you kept quiet.

As you ponder on how that could be possible you remembered something.

“Young master, I don’t have much left in this world so I have to tell you something.”

“Auntie Jour please don’t say that. Cale will be sad.”

“I know, that’s why I need you to take care of him when I’m gone. Both of your souls are special, that’s why you have to remember that even if one day you wake up and Cale doesn’t seem to be our Cale you still should take care of that Cale.”

“But if it’s not our Cale then why should I help him?”

“Because it’s probably our Cale’s plan. I know I may sound odd to you right now, but I believe that you’re a bright child. Everything will make sense in due time.”

Not long after that, the news of Jour’s death reached your ears. It was also the start of your best friend acting like trash after the count brought home a new family. 

You know that every action Cale takes has a meaning behind it. Years of knowing each other and having each other’s back solidified the trust the two of you have.

And that trust is exactly what you’ll believe in. Trust and the late Countess Jour’s words.

Lost in your thoughts, you didn’t notice a forehead coming in contact with yours.

“You seem to be sick, you should’ve stayed in bed.”

“I didn’t know.. I’ll do better next time”

Excusing yourself from the dining room, you tried to make your exit and go back to your room. Your legs seem to have other plans as not even 5 steps in it gave up on you. 

Thankfully, Cale has quick reflexes and managed to catch you in time.

‘Stupid weak body, stupid regressing thingy’

Embarrassed, you wanted for the ground to swallow you whole. You didn’t even know this guy and you already showed your stupid side within the first hour of meeting him!

“You know your body was weak, why did you even bother?”

“Ehehe I’m sorry hyung.”

“Haizz, just make sure to rest. We’ll inform the duchy about your condition.”

Giving him a toothy grin, you got out of his embrace as a maid came to help you go back to your room. No matter how shameful that incident is on your end, you got to know that the new Cale seems to know quite a bit about this world. But it’s not enough as his etiquette is lacking. You would probably need to help him with that.

Your Cale might be trash but you know he still has class.

Unfortunately, your plans were put off as you were in and out of consciousness. Regressing seems to take a lot of toll on your already weak body. Well, for you this is better than war.

Even though you were mostly in charge of tactics, there were still times you had to go out to the battlefield yourself as your forces were too little compared to the White Star’s forces.

‘-10/10 wouldn’t recommend it. I especially hated how I always get a fever after a month of fighting.’

You get chills just by thinking about it. Ron, the one Cale assigned to take care of sick you, seems to have misunderstood and thought that your cold is getting worse. 

“Oh no, the young master seems to be shivering. Get a new blanket while I change the basin water. Also, ask Beacrox to prepare soup for him to eat.”

Contrarily, you actually felt hot. Not that you’re in any condition to talk so you just let them do your thing as you lost your consciousness for the nth time.

Thus you spent a few days like that. By the time you got better to the point where you can play again, Cale seemed to have a new companion.

“...This poor dongsaeng got sick for a few days and you already found someone to replace him huh?”

Surprisingly there wasn’t a scar on your friend's ‘beloved face’ as he calls it, even after meeting Choi Han. Instead, the man you know as the youngest swordmaster seems to be following Cale like a stray kitten waiting to be adopted. 

Meanwhile, Cale Henituse didn’t even hide his I'm-done-with-everything expression as you circled Choi Han. The count’s eldest son just sighed at the two of you, not even giving you a proper response as he opted to drink tea instead.

“Hey, you! Why are you slouching huh? Sit up straight and hold your cup properly! Wipe that stain on the corner of your lip too. I know you can feel it. Aish this hyung, how many times do I have to nag you about your manners! You didn’t even offer me tea like how a true gentleman is supposed to do! You may be trash but I won’t let you devolve into a full-on barbarian and forget your manners!”

Needless to say, the part that implies you always nag about these things are lie. Original Cale didn’t need to be reminded of any of these things as he was naturally refined. Not the same can be said about the man in front of you though so you can only make up the excuse of nagging to try and teach him.

Luckily, even though Cale showed you an annoyed expression he still did as you said. His willingness to absorb every word you say makes you think that this will be easy. Even though he was muttering about how your choice of words wasn’t formal in the slightest bit.

“NO I DON’T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE HUHU THIS ISN’T EASY AT ALL, TAKE ME BACK! I SAID TAKE ME BACK”

“Young master please don’t push yourself too much. Our young master Cale will worry if you get sick again.”

“No.. just give me a few more minutes to finalize this. Cale and the others are working with no rest. I have to do the same and catch up.”

Many things happened while you were with this new Cale. The past that you knew was completely rewritten by him and everything was going well thanks to that.

You also did your best to help subtly. He doesn’t know that you regressed nor does he know that you know he's a transmigrator so you can’t just present yourself and tell him you also know what happens in the future. Additionally, his knowledge about ancient powers and races seems to exceed your own.

Still, that didn’t stop you from giving him hints about things he didn’t seem to know and guiding him. Especially when it comes to formality and people that your Cale knew personally. 

Fortunately, those formalities aren’t needed that much any more since you’re currently in the middle of war and not only did the Henituse household become a duchy. Their eldest son, Cale Henituse, also formally became the crown prince’s sworn brother.

Throughout all this, you have been balancing your responsibilities as the youngest son of your duchy and helping Cale and his group out. Sure it was taxing and no one, not even yourself, knew how you managed to do all that work but it was very rewarding. As time passes you slowly understand why the original Cale left this world in this new Cale’s hands. 

‘Thankfully I didn't develop feelings for him. Once was enough. Two times is cringe'

One of your worries when you first regressed was the fact that you might develop feelings for Cale since he and your Cale act so much alike. As time passes though, you only seem to see him as a dependable but always annoyed older brother figure. Sure you miss the Cale that you know and you know to yourself that you still love him.

But it’s because of that love that you respect and understand his decision. It’s because of that love that you willingly helped this new person Cale left without hesitation and with no expectations of payment except for the betterment of the world.

Additionally, the people Cale gathered are good too. Everyone’s friendly and is willing to help you to the best of their abilities. So all is well and good.

“Ron told me you wouldn’t budge so I came to get you myself.”

Sharp, reddish-brown eyes came into view as his hands took away the document containing your messy writing. His tone was nonchalant as usual but concern within those irises can be seen clearly.

“I’m sorry hyung. I got carried away with making plans for the next attack. I didn’t mean to worry you.”

You cupped his face as if hoping your touch would make him forget just how you neglect yourself.

At first, Cale was a bit overwhelmed with the amount of skinship you have to offer. Sure he has read it on Birth of a Hero back at Earth but experiencing it was different. 

Cale Henituse’s closest friend who is 3 years younger than him and the same age as his brother, Bassen Henituse. The kid is always sticking close to him. No matter how dangerous the situation is or how busy the young man seems to be. But even if you’re younger than him, he didn’t feel like he was babysitting you at all.

‘Well, the book did say that the two of them stood on equal grounding despite him being younger and despite Cale being the son of a count and him being the son of a duke.’ 

That doesn’t mean that the prince didn’t act his age. Poor young master Cale is always the subject of the man’s pranks. He is also very touchy. Holding hands or simply grabbing the edge of his clothes when they go out. Clinging close to him at every formal gathering like balls and banquets. Whining and getting jealous whenever he sees Alberu pay more attention to Cale or Cale pays more attention to Alberu.

“I have no other friends aside from you two, and you guys didn’t even become friends for that long! I was friends with the two of you first so have to pay more attention to me and not leave me out!”

You would say whenever Alberu deliberately ignores you just to see your cute cheeks puff up in jealousy. Despite your pure and childish antics, there were times when Cale was amazed at your abilities. To the point of almost suspecting you.

Sure he has read about how smart and hands-on you are at everything. But that can’t explain the times that your deduction of the enemies' moves is as scarily accurate as it was on one. Also for someone who was raised with a diamond spoon, you seem to know a lot about wars, especially strategizing for one. As if you have experience in doing that sort of stuff.

“...Are you still angry? I said I was sorry. I’ll take care of myself better. Please don’t tattle on Alberu hyung.”

“I wasn’t even thinking about it but thanks for the idea. I have a meeting with him after dinner. I'm sure he’ll be happy to hear from you.”

“No! Hyung! I said I was sorry, please! He’ll make me stay with aunt Tasha again, hyuk!”

Desperately grabbing at the redhead eating steak, you tried your best to beg him to change his mind. Regardless of the big possibility of getting scolded by Alberu, and most likely your family as he will for sure tell them, you still can’t help but laugh. During your first life when the war broke out there were little to no mundane moments like this as everyone was always on edge.

‘It’ll be nice if things stay like this forever’ 

Perhaps you jinxed yourself when you softly spoke to yourself about your hopes and dreams of maintaining the relationship you currently have with your hyungs and Choi Han. Because it seems as if that won’t be possible since the universe was never on your side.

Clammy hands fidgeted and tried to find a pen and paper it could scribble on. The three men and the one baby dragon in the room know that that’s your nervous reaction. Even if it wasn't, anxiety was audibly written on your face.

“Don’t be nervous, we just want to clear some things up with you.”

Hands scribbling on the pen and paper Choi Han gave you with all of your attention focused on them. You wanted to retaliate that opening the conversation by mentioning the original Cale didn’t help with your uneasiness. But you didn’t think you were in the position to talk so you settled on scribbling more, unintentionally letting some of your inner thoughts out on the poor paper.

“Instructor is right, we aren’t angry, okay? It’s just that Cale said that the God of Death told him something that we need to confirm with you.”

Alberu tried to speak as softly as he could. He knew that you weren’t great with confrontation since the two of you were kids. You always tried to have someone who can speak up for you in case you have the tendency to clam up when questioned. But that isn’t possible right now. You’re the only one who can confirm the god’s words and answer their questions.

“That imbecile god told me and I quote 

[If you have more questions about White Star and his forces it’ll be best to ask that young duke kid with you. Oh and take care of him or else the Kim Rok Soo now will have both of our heads]

That heavily implies multiple things. I’m sure I don’t need to explain each one to you, you’re a smart kid.”

It felt as though you’ve been caught red-handed. Cale was right he didn’t need to explain further for you already know what the god was talking about. 

Scared as you were, that didn’t stop you from explaining your situation to them. From Cale’s mother’s words to you regressing and confirming that Cale isn’t Cale through the few and rare books about regressors and transmigrators.

Furthermore for the first time since time was turned back, you finally confined just how hard your first life was. How hard it was to experience dying. The pain in your abdomen that you swear you can still feel sometimes. How you still caress the spot where you were brutally stabbed by Sayeru, the bear tribe king. For the first time in a long while you were completely vulnerable. All the tears and pain that have been holding themselves back finally let themselves out as you hug Raon as if he were a stuffed toy.

“Human, the little prince fell asleep.”

Red, swollen eyes with cheeks marred with dried tears, your sleeping face resembles a poor child. Despite your arms being loose now, the black dragon didn’t make a move to get out of your hold. On the contrary, he tightens his hug as an offering to comfort you in your sleep.

“Dongsaeng, please continue taking care of him. We all know that he is a smart but fragile child. Even if he knows you aren’t the original Cale Henituse he definitely looked up to you like you're his older brother.”

“Haaa… Who do you think took care of that kid for the past two years since he got permission to tag along with me.”

Their conversation ended when Choi Han picked up the sleeping figure along with the dragon who refused to let go so he could place them in a proper bed. Before the three of them left to further talk about business Cale and Alberu didn’t forget to advise their people to not let the man work until further notice.

“So that’s what you look like? Is that how my hyung looks too? Wow hyung you’re quite the looker yourself!”

The people inside the cintamani, especially Kim Rok Soo, were speechless as you gushed about them upon seeing them the first time.

“Yes yes now shut up and focus on your work. If you don’t finish filling those documents on time the duke said he’ll personally come to take you home.”

“Rok Soo hyung, are you seeing how your other self treats me? His so mean”

“He sounds right though, you have to finish the work unless you want to suffer the consequences.”

“Rok Soo will be Rok Soo”

Pouting, you went over your desk with Raon to finish the work assigned to you. Your family has been lenient on you with the paperwork as of late. They know just how hard the work you're doing with the crown prince and the young commander’s group. But they didn’t want you to forget how to handle territory affairs so they still assign you a bit of paperwork here and there.

You know that they’re doing it out of concern for you. You even understand where they’re coming from. Still, that doesn’t stop you from whining and kicking whenever you see your personal assistant enter the room with paperwork from the duchy.

In no time paperwork was ceased, your aide who used to hold a pen went back to holding a sword.

“My prince, I’m a knight first and foremost, therefore your safety is my priority. Playing assistant was just like a part-time ”

Those were the words of comfort your kneeling knight told you while preparing for the Puzzle City war. 

The whole thing was like the roller coaster on earth Rok Soo told you about. One moment things were looking good for your group, then the next moment someone on your side will become heavily injured. You tried to go to the front lines too but your gravely injured commander, Cale who’s suffering from his plate being broken for the second time, stopped you. Even though he didn’t manage to get his intentions out, you fully understood his unspoken words.

Raon is most likely the one who’s going to take over his work. The dragon is capable, great and mighty as he calls himself, but he is also used to being on the front lines. That’s where you step in so that Raon can keep a clear head and keep the flow of communication smooth running. You have to be there as the second brain and back him up. 

Like that, your side held out while Cale was recovering.

Events that happen after seem like a fever dream to you. Your hyungs and just everyone in your group seemed to be more unhinged than usual. Well, they have been more unhinged since your Alberu hyung got his hands on a gun. 

But thanks to those unhinged plans and crazy actions, everyone got past the hurdles that came their way. No matter how hard the Sealed God and White Star’s forces tried, you always outsmart them.

“Don’t. Don’t speak... Just let me have this moment.”

You speak against the sturdy chest of your hyung who now goes by the name Kim Rok Soo. Partly it was because you were too embarrassed at the thought he’d bring up your confession. At the same time you really just want to have a few moments of silence and embrace the hyung you haven’t seen for so long.

“Yes yes I won’t speak”

“You’re still speakingggg”

His laugh vibrated in his chest making you, the one holding onto him, feel ticklish. He might look different, sound different but you know that he's still your best friend. Your first and last love in both lives.

No matter how annoyed you are with the God of Death and his shenanigans, you’re glad that he gave you this chance. The chance to see your best friend again, even if it was possibly for the last time.

Silently, you listened as the two men spoke to each other. As you listened you were also enlightened as to what happened. How Cale and Rok Soo exchanged positions. The deal made with God of Death. Why Cale- you guess he goes by Rok Soo now, chose to go and live on earth.

“It’s time to go back.”

Hellos always ended with goodbyes, and this meeting was no different. You wished you could spend more time here. There are still a lot of things you want to say. Stories you want to share. But that’s selfish and you know it.

“Hopefully we can maybe meet in our next lives. Then perhaps we can straighten things out between us then.”

Rok Soo whispered softly as he kissed your forehead goodbye. Too stunned to speak, you could only hold your forehead while running back to Cale red-faced. 

“That explains why you were so willing to go with his plans even when he left without an explanation.”

“Shut up! Shut up! It’s not like that!”

[salty-apples]

I have imagined us having this conversation many times.

In my head, I have seen it happen in many places. In a restaurant. In my living room. Over a glass or two at a wine pantry. But it always went the same way, taking the same familiar turns and ending with the same conclusions.

It has taken me months to compose and rearrange my words; to find the best sentences and sharpen my tone of voice. All this, I believe, was for your benefit. To secure in your mind the image you have had of me all these years. To taint it would be a sin. I know how you hold me in the highest esteem. Unworthy of it as I am, I am grateful for it.

It has been an adventure being your friend and the greatest pleasure to interact with you. You, who is so measured and confident, bold and arresting. Through you, I have found my spirit inhabiting spaces my eyes have not seen, living your life with you and walking beside you. Unseen as I was, I became attached to the little things which made up your day to day living. The foods you preferred, the colors that spoke to you. Even the music that moved you. Each made its mark on me, trailing past my skin and lodging in my heart.

I do not regret the words we have shared, the two of us. My only pain has been in shutting you out of an aspect of our relationship which I should have enlightened you of. Perhaps it is for the best that I never spoke of it but in my heart, I know I tried. Every sentence laced with my intentions but never finding the courage to loosen my tongue to let you know that on the pedestal on which you stood, I had placed my heart in your hands.

This will surprise you, I know but I believe it is time that I let you know. Finding the words has not been easy. Stringing them together and giving them coherence has been worse. I told myself to give it time. While I waded through the swamp of my emotions, I cast my net for the right words with which to tell you that I had long passed the harbor of infatuation and sailed out into the sea of romantic affection. You, my friend, transformed to my muse and like Pygmalion, I hoped for the day you awakened to it.

I hope I have not confused you, my friend. It is not my intention to. Laying bare the contents of my mind and heart to you today is a part of my process; the process of detachment and growth. I have given myself an internal injury from agonizing over you for far too long. But, I do not lay the blame at your door. You were unaware. Perhaps, at some point, you might have had an inkling but you were far too gracious to bring it forward. It would have embarrassed me greatly if you did and to save face, I would have stamped down such claims and argued on the side of aloofness and a casual friendship.

Casual friendship? No, you were more than that to me.

I did not believe I deserved you. I did not believe that I was worthy of your attentions. I struggled with myself, asking why you would want someone like me. The problem lay in the height of the pedestal I had placed you on. It was too high and the marble of you on it had come to represent you as the years went on. Every ideal I held, you were carved out of it. The downside of having a muse, you see. They cease to be human the longer you stay in their presence.

How I loved the idea of you! How I looked up to you, the flame of my nights. But how could I have wanted what I saw above and beyond me? Your native charms added to the sheen on the image of you etched in my mind and heart. The little I had in talents, I poured them into immortalising you. Prose and rhyme flowed with ease from my pen, spurred on by the thought of how pleased you would be by it. You were the spring from which I drew the waters of inspiration and for it, I thank you.

I believe now is the time to begin to wind up this winding attempt to expose the contents of my heart. In truth, my feelings today are not what they were a month or even a year ago. Though my attachment to you is not as strong as it once was, you still remain one of the pillars on which much of my work rests. Not being open early and lacking a brave heart has robbed me of a chance I used to wish I should have taken; the chance to climb up the pedestal and ask you to see me as I was- flawed and thoroughly enamored by you. For too long, I have focused on pouring my affections on others and wanting to giving up myself to the idea of love and not the harsh practicalities of it. But you see, I have learned in the way that only experience can teach that my first duty is to myself and my heart, now sufficiently loosened from your imagined hold, has been returned to its rightful place. The idea of you remains but as a memory. In time, it will be all but buried in the recesses of the mind.

For the moments you allowed me into your life and invited me to share in your adventures, I thank you. For the colour you brought onto the canvas of my life, here is my appreciation tendered in black and white. I believe we will have this conversation face to face one day but until then, I remain-

Your friend,

The Artist.

A Story

I was in love once.

In love with the world. With myself. With the little things I considered important like seashells or my great aunt’s special goat meat peppersoup.

No, that’s more than once.

Truth be told, I have been in love many times. Many times. Enough times to spin a proper yarn with. Enough times to wrap the world around with in a ribbon woven from the threads of my tales.

But in truth, I have been in love.

Had it been with an object, it would have been easier to rationalise my eventual detachment and the forgetfulness that comes with laying your feelings to rest. But as with all unfortunate things, it was with a man.

[animeomegas]

Who is the most needy while in heat?

I decided to write for a few characters for different categories: Clingiest, Horniest, Territorial and Requires Support. Enjoy~

Who is the clingiest:

1.     Itachi – Itachi has only ever had soft heats in his life(heats that are not sexually, but instead emotionally charged). He didn’t have his first heat until he was already part of the Akatsuki and didn’t feel safe enough for a proper heat. His health also isn’t the best, so his body knows to have soft heats rather than normal heats. Because he only has these types of heats, they are very strong. He feels a constant urge to be by your side, ideally with you touching him at all times. He can’t take suppressants because they mess with his illness, so he can’t minimise the effects. He spends the two days holed up in his room, the door locked and sealed shut. He won’t let you leave his nest much, growling and whining if you try. His instincts are screaming at him that he has to protect you and that you have to protect him. He can get a little addled and confused because the impulses are too strong. He’s extremely clingy in heat and he hates it. He always feels embarrassed afterwards.

2.     Izuku – Izuku is prone to crying and feeling very rejected if you neglect him during his preheat or heat. He feels the sting of rejection very strongly and feeling abandoned during a heat is… not good for omegas to put it lightly. It can make them sick if it’s serious enough. So, Izuku will definitely try and keep you in his nest as much as possible, asking wordlessly to be carried with you if you need to leave for a moment. Going to work or leaving the house during his heats (even when he’s on suppressants) is a no-no for him. He will do anything to get you to stay with him, including but not limited to hiding your keys, seducing you, and begging.

3.     Mammon – From the second he’s in preheat, he literally will not leave you alone. He’s very attention starved, but his slight tsundere tendencies keep him from acting on his need for affection. His heat and preheat remove the tsundere tendencies and make him even more desperate for attention. He’s hanging off of his Alpha constantly, following them around and sleeping in their room. He enjoys laying on top of them while they stroke his hair or rub his back. Will growl away anyone who tries to take you from him. If the growling doesn’t work, he’ll whine at you to stay with him because he knows you can’t refuse him when he’s like that.

4.     Kaoru – He doesn’t like how clingy he is, but it’s very uncomfortable for an omega to ignore their heat urges, so he doesn’t bother trying to resist it. He’s very prone to loneliness when he’s in heat or preheat, so he likes it if you’re with him as much as possible. He will spend most the time sitting on your lap, innocently and not so innocently.

5.     L – He isn’t particularly fussed about constant physical affection, but he wants you to be in the same room as him at all times. He constantly turns away from his work to make sure you’re still sitting in the room with him, and in the evenings, he likes if he can sit on your lap while he works. His heats are reduced from suppressants, and his libido is very low generally, but he still likes to make sure his alpha is safe and with him during his heat and be surrounded by his alpha’s scent.

Who is the most territorial during heat:

1.     Sasuke – Will straight up growl at anyone who gets too close to you both, and it won’t end well if someone shows up at his house when he’s in heat. Sasuke immediately views whoever it is as a threat and would likely try and attack them, especially if they were a stranger or someone he didn’t like. He is a lot less stressed during this time if you both just hole up at home for his preheat and heat. One of the reasons he makes his nest in a walk in wardrobe is because it’s an easily defendable place.

2.     Shikamaru – He has to have an arm around you or vice versa at all times. He makes sure you always smell like him during his preheats, just as a warning to other omegas. In heat, he gets very intense and caught up in the feelings, so interruptions from outsiders will be jarring and he’s likely to react aggressively.

3.     Shinsou – Is very paranoid when in heat and preheat. He gets nervous about people coming to try and hurt him and his mate while he’s weak, so he doesn’t like anyone he doesn’t know around you or him. Shinsou is fiercely protective of his family and his alpha. When he’s actually in heat, he would probably try to attack anyone who got too close.

4.     Belphie – Likes to just lay down and sleep with you when he’s in preheat, and whenever any of his brothers (or anyone else) try and get you to move, he growls them away, wrapping his arms around your chest to stop you from going anywhere. Would definitely bite someone if they were brave enough to try and remove him from you by force. When he’s in heat, he uses compulsion charms to keep people away from the attic where he likes to spend his heat with you.

5.     Diavolo – He can’t keep his hands or lips off of his alpha during preheat, but not just in a horny way, mainly in a ‘they’re mine’ kind of way. He likes to show off his relationship to others as a warning to stay away. He is delightfully smug if you return the treatment.

6.     Kusuo – He pretends he isn’t being territorial when he’s in preheat, but whenever you end up in conversation with someone, Kusuo is just suddenly standing next to you, I wonder how that happened? He also makes a way greater effort to ditch anyone who might interrupt his alone time with you. He turns his friends away if they show up at his door when he’s in preheat. When in heat, he gets off on the ‘you’re mine and I’m yours’ aspect.

7.     Light – This boy in greedy for your attention when he’s in preheat, and very bitter if he doesn’t get enough of it. He directs most of his anger at anyone who he perceives as taking you away from him. He will lie and manipulate others away from you both during this time with zero hesitation or regret. Would be possessive if you gave too much attention to a book while he’s in heat.

Who needs the most support:

1.     Alois – I headcanon that Alois has some specific heat related trauma, that I’m not going to get into right now, that impacts him greatly. His alpha is his protection. He only feels safe during his heat if you’re there with him. If you leave him alone, even just for a minute, he will panic, fear mixing with his already heat addled brain. For that reason, he needs a great deal of support, he needs a gentle touch and a constant presence.

2.     Shouto – His father paid to have him on illegal grade suppressant without him knowing just after Shouto’s quirk came in. Endeavour got the quirk he wanted, but not the dynamic he wanted, so he tried to change that. He experiences similar heats to Neji when he first comes off of suppressants. He’s so sensitive everywhere that it hurts. He wants to be touched so badly, but it hurts him. His alpha needs to work with him slowly to help him overcome the sensitivity.

3.     Neji – I mentioned before that due to the suppressant abuse that was inflicted on Neji as a child, his heats can be very painful, especially at first, much like Shouto. For a more in-depth analysis, I have headcanons on Neji’s suppressant abuse listed on my pinned masterlist.

4.     Keigo (Hawks) – He suffers from really bad paranoia during his heats. At first, it’s unclear what’s triggering the paranoia, but eventually it becomes clear that his treatment in the hands of the Commission have left him some nasty mental scars. When Keigo is in heat, he needs to have the door locked and bolted, the windows lock and covered with thick curtains and blinds, he needs to be rid of all technology or anything a person could use to contact him, and he needs all supplies to be in his nest with him so that neither you nor him have to leave that one room. It’s why the room he nests in must have an ensuite. He tends to have soft heats (emotionally charge rather than sexually charged) because his paranoia makes his body think he’s in too much danger to have a proper heat. It’s lucky that his heats normally only last for a day.

 (N-sfw under cut~)

Who is the horniest:

1.     Sebastian – He barely manages to keep it together during the day when he has to serve Ciel, but at night? You better be fucking him so well that he can’t stay coherent. He needs a full eight hours of sex before the heat withdraws enough for him to focus. A demon’s heat is very intensive after all.

2.     Kakashi – Every little thing sets him off when he’s in heat. Maybe you knotted him and the heat is subsiding a little, but then you bit your lip or stretch in a certain way, and immediately he’s consumed by his heat again. He struggles to keep it in his trousers long enough to hydrate and sleep. Sometimes he needs to cockwarm his alpha just to be able to calm his instincts enough to sleep.

3.     Tamaki A – He gets so horny at the peaks of his heat that any and all nervousness completely vanishes. He will beg his alpha shamelessly to get what he needs. He cannot control his voice at all, so you better hope your neighbours are forgiving, because Amajiki shouts some filthy things when he feels really good.

4.     Asmo – No one is surprised that he is completely and overwhelmingly horny for his entire heat. Most omegas have down moments for resting and hydrating while their heat isn’t so bad. Not Asmo. His heat lasts for three days (a maximum amount) and is intense for all of it. You have to make him to eat and drink something while he begs and writhes on your lap for you to fuck him.

5.     Kiba – Has a very high sex drive in general, even when he’s not in heat, so it’s no surprise that he’s basically insatiable when he’s in heat. He jumps his alpha five times a day when he’s in preheat, and every hour when he’s in heat. If you can’t provide for him as often as he needs, he will absolutely buy a knotted dildo and use it while he’s on top of you. Most of the time that convinces his alpha to help him get off.

[0risha]

catharsis

pairing :: inumaki x gn! reader

summary :: you tend to a severely injured inumaki with herb infused gauze, little to no sanity and guilt.

tags :: major jjk manga spoilers, graphic mentions of an injury, mentions of blood, slight angst, hurt to comfort, reader is a part of an unnamed clan.

note :: this is my addition to @milktyama 's aftermath of shibuya collab event, this has been in my drafts for saurrr long but I didn't have the heart to edit it but I actually really liked how it turned out. but anywaysss, I hope you likey!

Blood runs in rivulets and for what seems like the upteenth time, panic seizes you by the neck in a haughty grip. An unwanted bout of tears well up, threatening to fall on the unconscious boy in your arms.

A plethora of apologies leaves your cracked lips. He can’t hear a thing in his dormant state, but it still doesn’t stop you from murmuring words of regret. 

Hands, your own, dance desperately across the plane of his arm. Well, what’s left of it. You’ve never seen an injury this serious before. You have no clue which bones are left and which bones are not, you’re in no way an expert at anatomy. You curse yourself for not paying attention to one of Shoko's rare teachings.

At first glance, the cut looks clean but mangled flesh laid limp. Your stomach twists and turns haphazardly. But somehow, there’s a plank of hope that floats idly as you watch his chest rise and fall.

Steeling your resolve, you take the patterned gauze from your mother’s lap. It smells of brewed plants and earth. You give a smile of thanks to your mother. Because of her silence, you had forgotten she was even there. 

“Do you need help?” She whispers, her gaze full of worry. With the way her body hunches over your own, her worry is seemingly meant for you. You nod, not trusting your voice to be coherent. 

“Is he your boyfriend?” You nod again as she raises his body, careful not to jostle him too much. You don't think you can nod anymore, your neck aches. Your whole body does. 

Silence fills the room again, untill it doesn't.

“Are your friends still out there... fighting.” You stop. The gauze infused with herbs that were pulled for its healing properties now lays underneath Inumaki.

He looks so incredibly pale, what should be the color of his eyes are now painted on his lips.

If you didn’t know better, you’d take him for dead. 

“Yes.” You worry at your bottom lip, the smell of blood and despair tickling at your nose. A weight of guilt chooses to make its home in your chest. But, it was either save Inumaki, return to your clan’s estate or stay and fight. 

The weight disappears and you resume wrapping the gauze to his arm. 

Inumaki doesn’t wake up the next night nor the one after that.

It's night four and the moon hangs high with a brightness that seemed too mocking. His silver hair catches the light, giving him a face of angel.

He awakens with a ragged cough. Upon hearing the sound, you shoot up from your place in front of the window. 

With a cry of relief sitting at the edge of your tongue, you stumble to his side. “T-Toge?” You breathe out, a cloth already in your hand.

In time for your next breath, his eyes flutter open. His violet eyes roam his surroundings before settling on you. He blinks hazy and unfocused, lips parting in confusion. You wipe off the sweat on his brow.

“Yes.” You answer, reading his eyes. "This is my home."

He nods and you stay silent, not sure what to say. Instead, you opt to smooth his hair from his face, brushing it away from his dewy face. His eyes avert to his injured arm. You don’t miss the way he inhales, deep and desperate.  

“I-is there anything you need? Water?” You straighten up. “Of course you’d want water. Would you like some wat–” 

He turns his attention to you and with his intact arm, he pulls at your sleeve. Stay.

You clench your fist into tight balls. Your nails dig deep into the flesh of your palm, you don't really mind the pain.

The sting returns to your eyes. Sensing your state, he gives you a warm smile, the marks that graced his cheeks raising in tune.

But it only makes things worse.

Your chest heaves as broken sobs choose to escape your lips. “Toge. I’m so, so sorry.” Forehead to his chest, you ask for his forgiveness.

You’re incredibly sorry that you weren’t where he had been, for being weak, for not being able to comfort him. Because for god’s sake, he’d lost a limb. He's lost a piece of his sanity too, you both have.

A warm hand comes to your shoulders, pulling you up slightly. Your breathing hitches as you turn to him, embarrassment riddled in your features. If anything, he'd need the most comfort. But he shakes his head, already reading your mind.

"Sleep." Your eyes grow wide as your body thrums with exhaustion. It starts at your spine, crawls up then caresses every limb. Your eyes are the last to fall shut.

You fall asleep by his side, your body welcoming his command with open arms. You haven't slept in days.

The moon disappears, a bright star taking its place. And momentarily, the tattered world around you both is forgotten.

GENERAL TAGLIST | FORM

@keiwaizumi @crapimahuman @dukina @princess-in-flowers @astraea-essie @italyhrry @zeyyackerman @royalelusts @neavil @g0joluvrrr @izvana @morosis-haze @katsumiiii

JUJUTSU KAISEN TAGLIST | FORM

@theatre-miriko @scnwanna @savantsoulfinder @cari1bunny @milliumizoomi @zensaki @4igital @akisssnigga @racistareversa @ariesfic @hood-nami @revengingvixen @beezebub @myhoodacademia @iheartgirl @kazuluvr @rory-cakes

[kmackatie]

Originally asked by @jamieylnn on this post: "84, 102, or 119 for the intimacy prompts with Shadowgast". I got around to another one of them. It's less fluff and a bit more angsty, but this is where my brain went with it.

Thanks again to @mllekurtz for taking my spaghetti-thrown-at-a-wall mess and helping turn it into an actual coherent meal. <3

request a prompt here

84 - sky watching Shadowgast, post canon established relationship, canon compliant, 2108 words, cw: brief fatalistic thoughts

Caleb stepped onto the roof, hands tucked into the pockets of his linen pants, feet bare and hair untied. He found Essek in the middle of it, lying on his back and hovering a few inches off the ground, one hand held up as he seemed to map something in the stars above.

He paused, letting his eyes adjust to the darkness, taking in the sight of moonlight against Essek’s skin. The shifting, gentle light was like a caress, catching on the smattering of freckles across Essek’s cheeks, the traces of silver still lined around his eyes, and glinted off the jewellery delicately clasped to his ears. He had come out here sometime while Caleb was bathing, the bedroom empty and the open window the only indication that he hadn’t teleported away completely.

They were in Emon, Caleb visiting Allura under the pretence of collaboration in magical education when really it was an excuse for Essek to spend some time investigating some interesting dunamantic pulls he had discovered in the jungles to the south of the capital. It had been three weeks of exploring, discovering, and relaxing in the way that Essek and Caleb do, days filled with academic pursuits while taking advantage of the fact that Essek didn’t have to hide, could just be Essek. They had their Tower, though it wasn’t used much, each more content to take the time to enjoy the open air and sky above them.

But, like all things, it had to come to an end. They lingered as much as they could, on the journey back to Emon. Had slowed down the pace, spending more time in the Tower than exploring outside of it, until they couldn’t justify the delay any further and Essek teleported them back to the house they had rented.

Essek’s easy smile had become strained during their dinner, as Caleb spoke of his students and the plans he had been toying with for the next semester, answers taking longer to come when Caleb would ask for his opinion. He could recognise the signs, having seen them before, but he knew that Essek would only talk about it when he was ready to.

He stepped forward, feet scuffing intentionally against the loose dirt and pebbles. One of Essek’s ears twitched, the only indication that he had heard Caleb’s arrival. Essek continued to stare up at the sky, hand pausing in its tracing before he pulled it back. His violet eyes were shining in the low light, the stars reflected back, an endless void that Caleb could lose himself in if he looked too long.

Pausing, Caleb debated for a long moment before he eased himself down onto the ground next to Essek, groaning slightly as his muscles protested the movement. He envied Essek’s ability to hover, the rough ground was not kind on his ageing body, but it was one trick he had never quite got the hang of every time Essek had tried to teach it to him.

He stared at the skyline of Emon, Allura’s tower in the distance, a beacon on the edge of the Cloudtop district, the few lights still lit up in the houses around them. It was still, quiet, and every bit of his focus was on monitoring the small movements of the drow next to him. The stuttering rise and fall of Essek’s chest, breath ragged and uneven, hand flicking through somatic gestures and arcane runes as if by habit, all while his eyes stared at the sky above, unblinking.

It was a long moment before Essek blinked and broke the silence, his voice rough and low.

“I miss the sky. This one… this one is different. It’s not Rosohna’s sky. I did not think— I should not miss it.”

“It is not that different—”

“Except it is,” Essek cut in, voice sharp. “Rosohna’s… it isn’t a perfect match for what would be in the sky above Wildemount. It’s based off the Bright Queen’s memory of what it once was, over thousands of years ago. The sky has changed since then.”

“I wasn’t aware of that,” Caleb admitted, drawing one knee up to his chest and wrapping an arm around it, eyes still focused on Essek’s face.

“No. You had no reason to be. You weren’t there for that long… and you had more pressing concerns.”

“Fjord never did see that ceremony.”

Essek laughed hollowly. “No, he did not.”

They fell back into silence, and there was a tension there now that wasn’t there earlier. A wariness to the way Essek’s shoulders hunched ever so slightly, as if he had to brace himself for whatever was said next.

And Caleb didn’t want to ask it, didn’t want to bring it up, but he knew that if he didn’t, then this would fester and he couldn’t bear anything being a reason for Essek to stay away.

“Do you regret it?” He saw Essek flinch, a barely perceptible motion that he would have missed, hadn’t he been looking for it. He clarified, “Not… not taking it. I mean— well. Us, the Nein. We threw your plans into disarray and Jester… and me. You would not be here if not for us, you wouldn’t have had suspicion placed on you.”

“There would have been suspicion on me eventually.”

“And Shadowhand Thelyss would have had a plan for that,” he pointed out with a rueful chuckle. “Or at least, the glimmer that we saw of Shadowhand Thelyss would have, and if he was anything like Bren, well… plans upon plans.”

There was a long beat before Essek replied.

“I would not change any step that I took that led me to you—”

“I don’t doubt you on that, meine Liebe, but—”

“I don’t say that for you,” Essek snapped, holding a finger up between them while his eyes didn’t move from the sky. “Just… just let me finish.”

Caleb merely nodded, biting his lip at his instinct to respond.

“I don’t say that for you. I say it because sometimes I need to remind myself of what I have gained. I don’t… it’s not regret. Or rather, I did not know quite how much it would bite. I did not anticipate the… the vastness of it, of displacement.”

Caleb got the sense that Essek wasn’t finished, so he said nothing, just waited and watched, hands itching to reach out, to comfort and hold.

“I miss home. Not… I know I have one with you. My towers, my laboratory. I did not expect to miss it quite so much. The eternal night, the easy access… this hiding. I hate it. I hate it.”

Essek scrubbed a hand across his eyes, and Caleb’s heart ached. He knew what it was like to not be able to return to a place that he wanted to, a weight that nobody who hadn’t experienced loss understood. He lifted a hand towards Essek, but before his fingers could connect Essek flinched back, turning away from Caleb.

“Essek, Liebling.”

“No— don’t,” Essek gasped, curling in on himself. He hunched over, still somehow hovering a few inches off the floor, shoulders raised. “Don’t give me your sympathy. I bought this bed and now I have to live in it.”

Caleb could not help the way his heart clenched at that, the fondness for the jumbled saying seeping through his own pain, his own realisation that this had been brewing for far longer than he had realised. He should have seen it. Should have realised that all the times Essek snapped recently weren’t just due to the exhaustion of being in the sun, that when Essek chose to trance before Caleb had fallen asleep he did so to avoid conversation, that the times he had tracked him down to the ninth floor, the moment of vacant expression before a smile kicked in was more than just troubling thoughts. Caleb had to swallow around the lump that had formed in his own throat. There was a sudden hollowness in his stomach as he realised how much the situation was affecting Essek.

It took a moment to realise the hollow gasping sound wasn’t coming from him, that despite the swirling storm of his own emotions, his shoulders weren’t shaking and he wasn’t falling apart.

Essek was.

Essek, who had tried to hide his worries from Caleb. Essek, who had to be coaxed to state what he needed and wanted on a good day. Essek, who could command and demand his way into any room but would barely make eye contact when he truly cared about the opinion of whoever he was talking to.

This was exactly why he hadn’t said anything, why he didn’t show it. He was as bad as Caleb in his determination to carry his own burdens.

But there was something Caleb had learned, that he had an advantage on Essek in learning, and that was that burdens were immensely easier to carry when shared.

Shoving away his own guilt, carefully, ever so carefully, Caleb inched forward and placed a hand on Essek’s back. He felt Essek tense under his hand, but this time he didn’t move away. Swallowing, Caleb took that as encouragement and shifted again, hand moving across Essek’s back until his arm was wrapped around Essek’s shoulders.

“Essek.”

Essek gasped, letting out a heartbreaking sob before leaning the tiniest bit into Caleb’s grasp.

Caleb just waited. Not demanding, and not expecting, just hoping that Essek would take the comfort offered.

Slowly, Essek turned to Caleb, fraction by fraction he shifted until his shoulder was against Caleb’s chest, his forehead tucked against Caleb, and he was sobbing into Caleb’s shirt. Caleb held him, hand moving in gentle, soothing circles on his back as he murmured in Zemnian, nonsense phrases and observations about everything he loved about Essek.

When he judged that Essek may have calmed, when the sobs became sniffles and Essek stopped clutching Caleb’s clothing like he would drown without the lifeline, Caleb leaned down and pressed a kiss into Essek’s soft curls.

He gently ran a thumb under each eye, drawing away what dampness he could as shining violet eyes blinked up at him.

“I’m so—”

“Shh, Liebling, it’s okay. There is nothing to apologise for.”

Essek’s eyes closed, as he let out a shuddering breath.

“It is okay to mourn what you had, Essek. It is okay to acknowledge what you have lost, even while you acknowledge what you have gained. One doesn’t cancel out the other. Looking back… it is not a bad thing.” He was saying it as much for Essek as he was for himself. They had always been similar, had always understood each other in a way that no one else did. It could be a crutch, could be their downfall, but instead it led to a partnership that was equal, that felt so right, like it was always meant to be. He wanted to be that support for Essek, the way Essek always was for him. “When we visited Blumenthal, and I said goodbye, you stood with me. In the T-Dock even, you would have helped me, without question. You have ever since, even when all I wanted to do was rewrite time so I could step back and do it all again.”

“It is not the same.” There was little conviction in Essek’s tone, it was barely a protest.

“No, it isn’t. But what I am saying is that it is okay to have dark days, to have days where it is all too much. That is why I am here. To remind you that you can do this, Essek. That it is worth it, that you are strong enough to get through it. And on the days where you aren’t, where you need quiet and to escape, I will be here to hold you.”

“You won’t always be here, when you’re teaching and I’m off… wherever.”

“We can both teleport, distance and time are meaningless with the right determination.”

Essek half laughed and half hiccuped, an odd choked off noise that Caleb had never heard him make before. A grin started to grow across his face as Essek looked taken aback at the noise, and it was far too cute for Caleb to let it go.

He leaned forward and kissed Essek, chapped lips pressing gently against carefully looked after ones. Drawing back, Caleb presses a second kiss to the tip of Essek’s nose, another between his eyes, his forehead.

“I love you,” murmured Essek.

Caleb smiled, shifting carefully to lie back, adjusting and holding Essek to his chest as he went.

“Come. Tell me about the differences in the stars.”