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[sharkikive]

Ken Sato with a supermodel!reader pls pls pls

Like they're dating in secret but accidentally reveals their situation and their fans go wild

OMG sure! Sorry this took time for me to write and I really do hope you'll like it <3

runway to your heart (ken sato x supermodel!fem!reader)

Summary: A baseball player and a supermodel, both celebrities in their respective fields. A relationship that had to be kept under wraps.

It was supposed to be a secret... until it wasn't.

Word count: 6,913

CW: Fluff, slightly suggestive (he def talks you through it), Ken Sato being the boyfriend of the year

A/N: I tried my best in writing this because I am not familiar with both fields (baseball and modelling) so here you go! This was purely out of my own imagination and is very, very self-indulgent because damn, who wouldn't want Ken Sato in their life? Rich, soft spoken, a good father, and the list goes on. Hope you enjoy this one just like how I kicked my feet every single time Ken becomes THE boyfriend.

***

Cheers erupted throughout the whole stadium and through the speakers, mixing in with the noise in the dressing room.

Hair rollers tucked in, brush with powder dancing across your face, and a neutral expression to let the makeup artist do his magic. Your eyes dutifully closed as the artist worked on your eyelids, but your ears got sharper to hear the conversations around you.

You knew who the main topic in the room would be, and that was the man that had just scored another point in the game on screen.

“Oh God,” you heard one of your model colleagues groan. “Ken Sato is too attractive. Look at that smile, that body-” she stopped talking and addressed you next. “Y/N, isn’t Ken Sato so handsome? Imagine being his girlfriend. That would be a-ma-zing.”

Your eyes were still closed and you hummed an immediate reply. “He’s okay. I’ve seen better and-” You opened your eyes when the makeup artist told you that he’s done with your eyes. “He seems like a cocky bastard.”

Your colleague, Hina, gave an exaggerated gasp as she heard your reply. “You did not just say that about Ken Sato. If he isn’t your type, I wouldn’t know who else would be able to satisfy you. He is the most sought-after man.”

You shrugged. “You never know. Maybe I like a single dad who has to raise a kid on his own, with him himself having daddy issues.”

Hina narrowed her eyes at you suspiciously, before prancing over and stared at you. “You know that whatever you described was very specific? Y/N,” she said, almost quietly, “are you seeing someone?”

“Yeah, I’m seeing you, Hina.”

She clicked her tongue. “You know, you always answer so smartly. One day, Y/N, I will discover your secret!”

You chuckled, watching as Hina got dragged by the stylist, prepping her to get her up to the runway. Your turn was still a long way to go, so you were left with your hair held up by rollers, while your eyes caught a notification on your phone. You read the notification and smiled, but quickly returned to a neutral expression.

The message read: It’s another win for us tonight, baby. Can’t wait to see you after this. Good luck for your show today, and break a leg. I know you’ll do great.

You typed in a reply, quickly snapping a picture of your prepped face and sending it over to the recipient. You weren’t even able to put down your phone when the next reply came in the next second.

You swore, this person could make you smile without even knowing, which could be a very risky thing considering the nature of both of your relationship.

Looking gorgeous as always, baby. The text message read. I really am the luckiest man to have you.

You put down your phone as your name was called over; your turn was approaching fast. You were practically floating around from one point to another, having different hands adding last-minute touch ups.

The line was moving fast before it was your turn, and you could see that every one of the models who finished their turn returned with a grim look on their faces backstage. You looked at the small entrance, and when you spotted Hina, you quickly signaled for her to come over.

“Was the runway condition that bad?” you whispered to her, whose hair was going in different directions at once.

“They said they wanted to simulate an ‘extreme condition’ on the runway, right?” She did quotation marks.

You nodded, agreeing to her. “Yeah.” You inched up the line. “The theme for today’s show is extreme weather.”

Hina exhaled slowly as she attempted to fix her hair. “All I can say is that they managed to replicate it well.” She shook her head. “Good luck, Y/N. You’ll need it.”

You turned your head back to the front, your turn coming closer as the models in front of you went out to continue the show. It was a rapid show, where you finally had your turn right after Hina disappeared behind a row of clothes.

You understood what Hina meant as soon as one foot was out from behind the scenes. The runway was boxed within a transparent glass, protecting the simulation from the audience.

From years of experience, you put on your best face before walking down the runway, doing your best in showing off the collection.

You were sure they were trying to imitate a blizzard, but the worst they could offer to models wearing heavy dresses and high heels. You saw the model in front of you fall first, the strong winds knocking her back before as she couldn’t fight it back.

One rule on the runway: you keep on walking, no matter the condition. Walk over your fellow models, maintain your expression and show off what you have. It’s an unapologetic world out here.

But that’s exactly the reason why you’re known as the rule breaker around here.

While maintaining your face, you did a show of reaching out to the fallen model, helping her up to let her continue, but you figured this time around, being a rule breaker did have its consequences.

You knew the fallen model; she considered herself as your rival, always trying to one up you in every single aspect. Every, single, aspect including boasting about having a ‘sweetheart’ while you don’t.

Your rival, Mei, quickly took this as a chance to get back at you and embarrass you in front of the audience. She accepted your hand at first, but you realised that she was pulling you down instead of pushing herself up. Not enough with it, she added an extra push, disguised under the pretext of accepting your help to get up.

You were thrown to the side, and coupled with the condition on the runway, you almost tumbled off the path. Luckily, you managed to break the fall but as you landed sideways, you could feel the bruise forming near your right ankle. You cursed silently as you saw Mei picking herself back up and smirking in a split second before strutting away, leaving you stranded.

You knew no one was going to help you up as long as the show was on, so you braced yourself while continuing. Throughout the whole show, you managed to finish without breaking rhythm. You didn’t let the pain hinder you, although all you wished to do was to be lying down, giving your body a much needed rest.

Backstage after the end of the show, your manager, a sweet woman in her 40s, quickly rushed to you. A single mother of 2, Ms. Tornado as you’d like to call her, as she always seemed like she was caught up in something chaotic. She fussed over you, but you quickly brushed her away.

”Ms. Tor,” you cooed, hiding the pain with a calm demeanour, “I’m done for the day. Let’s go back.”

On the way out, you gave a signal of reassurance towards Hina, who looked worried while her right fingers were tapping on her left knuckles. You saw Mei smirking at you, offering no words to you. You gave her no satisfaction of seeing you in pain as you smiled back.

You knew that everyone had seen you fall on the runway, but that didn’t disturb you.

Your phone pinged with a notification. As you read the message in the car, you turned to Ms. Tornado on the driver’s seat. She understood your signal.

”Usual place?” she asked.

Unable to hide your excitement, you quickly nodded.

No further questions asked as she drove towards the city border, bringing you to one special spot you had practically owned with that one person. In fact, you’re sure that he had bought ownership over the whole area. Your smile grew wider as you spotted the person waiting on a camping chair with an empty one next to it, a campfire lit up.

You sneaked up from behind, forgetting the pain in your legs as you broke into a run, almost causing the person to tumble forward as you hugged him from behind.

”Kenji!” You exclaimed, your character a total 180 degrees from whatever you put on when you were ‘the supermodel who revived the fashion scene’.

With him, you allowed yourself to be comfortable; no pretense of having to check your posture, controlling your expressions or giving off a cold demeanour. With him, you were just Y/N, the girl who preferred to be nested in your home, finishing your time up by watching your same favourite shows over and over again.

Kind of ironic how you considered yourself an introvert yet landed a job that essentially thrusted you into the spotlight.

Kenji exclaimed your name back in the same energy you gave him, hugging your arms as he planted a kiss on the back of your hand. He stood up and dear God, you love this man so much. One of your features that contributed to your modelling career was your height, but you loved the fact that even then, he towered over you.

Ken Sato, the name that had revived Japan’s baseball team, who had acquired a celebrity status after essentially becoming the saviour.

Ken Sato, the man who had kept the audience on the edge of their seats as he scored yet another point in the game.

Ken Sato, the one man who had essentially saved your life while unironically revealing his one kept secret to you.

And Ken Sato, your boyfriend.

Though both of your relationships had to be kept under the radar due to your statuses, you were content with what you’re having now.

Who cares if people think you’re too ‘cold’ and that’s why no one wants you? A small smile played on your lips as you thought, Well, Ken Sato does.

How both of you met was bizarre, to say the least. You were out eating dinner alone, under the disguise that you always wore when you’re just a ‘normal’ citizen, when the ground shook. You were sure that there was a monster attack somewhere, but you were calmly eating dinner when the restaurant’s roof got lifted up.

Ultraman’s giant figure was punching the monster, and you were left gaping at the sudden loss of roof above your head. You quickly finished up your dinner, and when you were about to walk back to your condo, you saw the one thing that you were sure you shouldn’t.

You saw Ultraman shifting back into a human-sized figure and lo and behold, it was Ken Sato. Before, you never bothered to dig deeper into his life because you figured out that you would never be affiliated with the baseball scene. You knew he was famous and that was it.

You couldn’t believe your eyes so you gasped, but your hand wasn’t quick enough to muffle the sound until he turned back to look at you. Both were stone statues for a good minute before he finally spoke up at that time, “Um… can you keep… uh the… secret?”

You sure as hell did keep the secret that even after a drunken stupor, a one night stand then turned into a secret relationship with him, it was still safe with you.

You were so comfortable with him up to the point that it was nice to be yourself with him.

”What’s wrong, baby?” He planted a kiss on your forehead, bringing you back to the present. You inhaled his scent as you buried your face in his chest. “You’re thinking of something?”

You shook your head, tightening your grip around his waist. “Nah,” you mumbled. “Just thinking about the time we first met.”

He chuckled as he ruffled your hair. “I’m sure you did great in your show just now, hmm?”

You stayed quiet, debating or not whether you’d like to tell him what actually happened. He most likely hadn’t seen the show yet, but sooner or later he’d find out. It’s just a matter of now or later.

You were in your comfortable clothes; baggy t-shirt with cargo pants and hair tucked underneath a beanie. In public, people would usually leave you alone when you’re in this attire. Today though, the long pants were also an attempt for you to cover up the growing bruise.

You decided to keep quiet about the bruise, figuring later that he would find out and by then, you hoped it wouldn’t look as bad as it was now. You detached yourself from his hug, careful to not make it so obvious that you were limping. You took a seat, beckoning for him to come over.

Ken traced you with his eyes, lips locked before he smiled. He passed by his seat but didn’t settle down. Instead, he sat cross-legged on the sand, facing you. He leaned forward, crossing his arms with each other on your legs and rested his chin on top. He looked up at you, that same boyish smile he had whenever he was with you.

You looked at him, uttering, “Looks like my boyfriend won yet another game today.” You patted his cheeks, and he quickly grabbed your hands to hold them.

”It was the team, really,” he said humbly, but with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. “I was just one of the players.”

”Whatever you say, Mr.-eligible-bachelor-with-thousands-of-adoring-fans-waiting-to-be-picked.” You rolled your eyes.

He chuckled. “Little do they know,” he drew circles on your palm, “that I’m no longer available.”

He stared at you as you looked into the distance, the crashing of the waves filling in the silence between both of you. He stood up, cocking his head towards the shoreline. “Wanna go for a walk?”

You pressed your lips into a thin line, the trouble you had with your feet coming once again. You didn’t get a chance to answer as he knelt in front of you with his back towards you.

He gently pulled you on his back, your legs dangling on either side of his body as he piggybacked you. “Okay, let’s go for a walk,” he said, firmly placing his hands under your thighs.

You said nothing, circling your arms around his shoulders, your face buried at the nape of his neck. You loved the fact that you’re always calm around him, something that you’d always need after spending hours in a fast-paced environment for work every day.

As you walked along the shoreline, both of you pointed out stars shaped like objects, and he stopped at one point when you suddenly said, “I love you so much, do you know that?”

He laughed. “What’s with the sudden confession? I love you too, baby.” He gave your thigh a light slap. “And I’m glad to call you mine.”

”It’s time to go back, isn’t it?” You asked, hoping the answer would be no but knew the world would have to end for it to be.

He threw back his head to get a look of your face before uttering, “Sorry. I have a game tomorrow.”

You pouted slightly but knew that the circumstances wouldn’t change. Whether you’d like it or not, even though you didn’t mind your relationship was playing this way, both of you had your individual lives that didn’t intersect with each other.

Dates would always be a secret with limited areas you could go to, and you had to make sure you’re not seen within the vicinity of each other. If both of you needed to go to each other’s house, it felt more like you’re on an undercover mission.

Today, though, with you still on his back, he held onto you firmly and made his way back to his bike parked nearby some bushes.

”Kenji-“ you started, figuring that maybe he forgot that both of you were supposed to follow separate ways.

”Tell Ms. Tornado you’re staying at my house tonight,” he uttered, placing you on his bike’s seat, taking a helmet and helping you to put it on. “You’re sleeping at my house today.” He checked his watch. “I know that you don’t have any work scheduled for the next few days, right?”

You shook your head slowly, secretly happy that he actually kept track of your schedule. Your eyes searched for his from behind the visor, and you blinked slowly as he tapped your helmet.

“Stay at my house until you’re fully healed. Mina can take care of you.” He’s referring to the supercomputer his parents had programmed. He wore his helmet and leaned forward. If not for both of your helmets in place, he’d be resting his forehead against yours. “Of course, you’re welcome to continue staying until…” he winked, “whenever.”

He positioned himself in front of you, powering up his bike. You leaned forward, circling your arms around his waist.

Before your voice got swallowed by the roar of his bike, you said, “You knew I was hurt.”

Underneath his helmet he smiled. “I always do, baby. Always.”

***

One of the reasons you didn’t want to stay at his house for too long was because you knew you’d be too comfortable. It seemed that after the fiasco you ran into with Mei, Ms. Tornado told you that she was suspended from any work and your agency gave you time off.

So here you were, warm mug of coffee in hand, cross-legged on Ken’s sofa while wearing one of his hoodies. So far from your side, your manager was the only person who’d known about your secret relationship with the baseball player. You’re grateful that your agency was not the type to pry into your private life, so long it didn’t affect your work.

You made yourself right at home at Ken’s house. You could say that you became best friends with Mina, with her occasionally sharing stories about how Ken was when growing up and you helping her around the house.

You sunk in the plush sofa, watching a live show of another one of Ken’s games. You saw him turn to the camera, winked and did a secret sign that was directed at you. Seeing how he’s so expressive, you wondered whether Ken actually wanted your relationship to be public.

Even then, you wondered whether anyone actually noticed that Ken started doing the same pose to the camera whenever he scored a point, after he got into the relationship with you. Maybe the secrecy of your relationship was just held back by a single click to post on the Net.

As far as you knew, only five were aware of this relationship; both of you, your manager, Mina and Kenji’s father.

Rather than your own reputation, you’re worried more for Ken’s image. He just moved here from America, carrying the expectations of everyone who had set their eyes upon him. He rose to fame real quick, while you’d already established your foundation right in your hometown as you were raised through a family generation of models.

Night was approaching, and you did catch a message from Ken updating you that he would be joining the group dinner to celebrate their win first. He promised to come back as soon as the dinner was finished. While waiting for him, you caught Mina’s red bar from the corner of your eyes and you smiled at her.

“Y/N, Ken had actually asked me to ask you one important question.”

“Sure, what is it, Mina?”

Immediately, Mina displayed a projection showing a website of a furniture store. She changed the page to the ‘bed frames’ category.

“I was told that the bed broke last night. Ken told me this morning to ask you which ones would you prefer,” Mina said without any hint of emotion. “He didn’t want to disturb you while you’re sleeping this morning.” After remembering another point she added, “He said make sure to pick the strong ones.”

You, on the other hand, were already burying your face in your hand as your cheeks reddened. “Oh my God,” you groaned. He could go one day, one day, without making you blush. It didn’t help that Mina was delivering the message so robotically. Well, she was one, but you get the point. “Mina, can we talk about this… some other time? Don’t worry,” you pressed your lips into a thin line as you remembered how exactly the bed broke last night. “I’ll tell Ken that you delivered the message well.”

Mina backed up, doing her gesture akin to a nod. “Sure, Y/N.”

You turned your head towards the front door when you heard the door opening, and you stalked your way to your boyfriend, who was holding his jacket in his left hand. Your face fell when you saw that he was wincing, the skin near his eye bruised and his right hand gently pressing over the injury.

“What happened to you?” You fussed over him, requesting Mina to take a bucket of ice and a cloth. “Who did this?”

He winced once again, but grinned soon after. He threw his jacket on the sofa and grabbed your waist, kissing you, hard. It was like he was releasing whatever pent up frustrations he had the whole day, drunk in your kiss that you felt out of breath as soon as he let go.

You saw Mina hovering nearby, clearly not wanting to disturb both of you. You cleared your throat and Ken ran a hand through his hair.

Mina set down the requested bowl of ice and cloth, but Ken shook his head.

Ken uttered, “Mina, can you please bring a bucket of ice to the bathroom? I’d like to soak myself in the tub.”

“Sure, Ken.”

“Ken, you need to tell me what happened to you. You’re injured, for God’s sake!” Your eyebrows knitted in worry, but your boyfriend was displaying the opposite as he was happily dragging you along to the bathroom.

He only gave you a peck on your forehead as Mina helped to prepare the bath.

You wouldn’t let your eyes off his injuries, assessing how badly he was hurt. As Mina excused herself to leave both of you in the bathroom alone, he stripped and stepped into the tub. The water sloshed around as he settled down, and you gritted your teeth as you sat on the edge of the bathtub.

He lifted up his eyebrows, clearly teasing you. “Care to join me?”

You sighed, clearly dissatisfied at how he’s acting while not disclosing about what had happened to him until he returned with a black eye. You crossed your arms, not wanting to submit to his pleading eyes, not until he told you what happened.

Clearly, you were not strong against this man because now both of you were stark naked in the cold water, Ken hugging you from behind as he rested his chin on your shoulder.

“Now tell me what happened.”

Ken obliged. “So we went for a celebratory dinner at this one grilled meat restaurant.” He buried his face at the nape of your neck. “There was this one group of guys who clearly were too drunk. One of them,” you felt his arms tightening around your waist. “Was making inappropriate comments about your body. My girlfriend. Of course I got pissed and punched him. It was an easy fight, but I was unlucky to get this one hit. I won, of course.”

The knot in your stomach got undone, that heavy feeling finally lifting off as you laughed, relieved. You leaned backwards, muttering, “Oh, Kenji. My idiot Kenji. I really thought you had an encounter with a hater, someone that wasn’t afraid to punch you in public just because they hate you. I was so worried. But didn’t your teammates suspect anything? For you to react that way when they’re talking about me.”

“Even if they do find out, it doesn’t matter. Anyone who speaks like that about you deserves to be punched, baby.” The water sloshed around as he turned you around so that both of you were facing each other. He rubbed a thumb over your lips, his mouth lifting at the corners. “And guess what?”

You narrowed your eyes. “What?”

“I got a personal invitation from one of the biggest sports brands here. They’re inviting me for an official photo shoot for their new attire collection.”

“That’s amazing, Kenji!” you exclaimed, and he shook his head, a smile plastered on his face.

“And you know what’s the best part? It’ll be a duo photo shoot, a collab with one of Japan’s famous models.”

“A man?” you asked, still clueless.

“A woman.” He grinned, “With my woman.”

“Oh!” You slapped a hand to your forehead, not believing that you hadn’t caught on when your manager had told you that you would be having an upcoming photo shoot with one of the most famous athletes. No wonder Ms. Tornado looked all smiley when she was delivering the news.

“They were surprised when I agreed to it without much questions,” he said. “Said yes as soon as I heard your name.”

***

Your leg was all healed, Ken’s bruise subsided, and it was finally the day of the photo shoot. Obviously, both of you had to come from a different place and at a different time to avoid any suspicion, so the night before you had returned to your house, despite Ken showing you his puppy eyes to make you stay.

You left without looking back, having to reassure him that both of you would see each other tomorrow.

The day came. In the makeup room, both of you had your lips locked, only a slight nod of greeting when he first came in before you returned your attention back to the mirror in front.

God knew how much Ken Sato was holding back from pulling you into a hug as soon as he saw you in the room.

You saw him from the corner of your eyes, his eyes closed as he let the brushes and artist do their work. You smiled, your mind thinking about how Hina would most likely go crazy once she heard that you had landed a job with this famous baseball player. You figured that you’d let her find out by herself once the official photo shoot had come out.

In the studio, both of you exchanged a formal greeting before the photo shoot started, and you could see that Ken was trying to hide from forming a smile on his face. As the camera started clicking and poses were thrown, you could hear the photographer yelling out encouragement, including ‘Don’t be shy with each other’ and ���Stand closer’.

You heard Ken slightly snicker, and he whispered to you subtly, his lips slightly brushing your earlobe. You shivered, and he was smart enough to not let anyone see what he was doing. “If only they know how close we are.”

“Last set!” The photographer announced. “This time around, I’d like to see some contact with each other. No looking like you’re two magnets repelling each other, but attracting each other instead.”

“Oh I can do that,” Ken said smugly as he followed the photographer’s instructions.

Funnily enough, he was the one looking like he had more experience in modelling as he followed the photographer’s instructions to a T, while you felt more like a deflated balloon guided by your boyfriend.

You promised you were a professional model, but with him, well, you faltered and posed like you’re a novice instead. Still, you managed to pull through the photo shoot as the photographer gave a thumbs up, fully satisfied with the session today.

You took some time to relax after the photo shoot alone in the dressing room. As you were leaning against the chair, your head turned to look at the door that just opened.

Ken’s head popped up through the space and he waved his hand. “Hey,” he whispered. He looked over his shoulder before slipping into the room, locking the door behind him.

“Ken Sato,” you said, more of a warning. “What if someone sees you coming in?”

“It’s fine,” he walked over to you, and lifted you up in a hug.

Naturally, your legs coiled around him as he firmly placed his arms around you.

“I wanted to say goodbye in person before I leave for my game this evening. You’ll watch the game live, right?”

“Of course, I’ll be there.”

You practically jumped away from him as a knock came on the door and panicked, you opened the closet door before shoving him inside. You shut the closet tight, catching his eyes trailing your movement through the bars before putting a finger over your lips to signal silence. Steadying your breath, you opened the door to find the photographer standing outside.

“Oh hey, uh…” you trailed off as you realised that you didn’t know the camera man’s name.

“I’m Yuichiro,” he extended his hand to offer a handshake, but you politely declined with a nod of your head. “It’s uh,” he nervously chuckled. “I thought that you looked great and I found out that we’re the same age. I was wondering if you would like to, you know, go have coffee sometime. As in, uh, I’d like to take you out sometime.”

“Oh, really?” You swore you could feel Kenji’s stare digging through the man’s skull as you stole a glance towards the closet behind you. “That’s too bad because I uh,” You silently prayed that Ken wouldn’t suddenly spring out of the closet. “I am too busy. I don’t even have time to drink coffee myself.” You gave a professional smile, hoping that the man would take the hint and walk away.

“Not even coffee?”

“Not even coffee.” You sighed, shaking your head. “I don’t drink coffee, actually.”

“Oh.” He looked surprised. “But I thought I saw you drinking coffee this morning at the set.”

You shook your head, pretending to be disappointed. “I’m afraid you are hallucinating, my friend. I don’t drink coffee. Anyway,” you clapped your hand, “I need to get ready to go to my next destination for another photo shoot, so if you could please leave?”

He looked disappointed as he nodded. “I mean, yeah. Please go on your way. Sorry to take your time.”

You smiled politely but as soon as you closed the door and locked it, you jumped over to the closet, the door creaking as you pried it open. You saw Ken sitting on the floor, elbows resting on his knees as his bangs curtained his eyes. You sat down in front of him, moving his bangs out of his vision.

“Kenji…?” you started, trying to gauge his emotions. 

He stayed quiet for a few moments, and you poked his stomach when it seemed like he’s not budging.

“Are you okay?”

He breathed in and out, before looking up. His eyes caught yours, but still you couldn’t read his expressions. “I experienced this new emotion,” he finally said.

You inched forward.

“You’re doing great, baby.” The compliment came out of nowhere that you were slightly taken aback.

“Kenji,” the grin on your face grew wider, “were you jealous?”

He never broke off his stare to you, and you found it so attractive. “I was.” His eyes dropped to your lips. “I was stopping myself from jumping out of the closet and announcing that you’re mine.”

“I am,” you uttered, ruffling his hair. “You better get going. You have a game to win.”

“I sure do.” He stood up and you mirrored his actions. Before he turned to leave, he kissed you on the lips and whispered again as he peppered kisses on your neck. “With this jealousy, let’s just hope the bed won’t break again tonight.”

***

Of course you lied to the photographer to politely decline his advances. Your schedule was free this evening and you had promised Ken you would see his game live. You dressed as inconspicuously as possible, donning on the merchandise jersey they sold to the public.  

Ken had offered you to wear his jersey, but that would practically mean announcing your relationship to the public. Tucking your hair under the cap, putting on fake glasses and looking at yourself in the mirror, you figured how Clark Kent had managed to turn people’s suspicions away from him being the superhero.

Now, you’re just one person among the thousands of show-goers filling up the stadium. You took up your seat, eager to witness the game Ken would be joining. Announcement blared throughout the stadium, signalling that the game was about to start. You heard your boyfriend’s name announced as he stepped onto the field.

Giants’ supporters cheered for him, and you joined in on the hype as you saw him giving his million-dollar smile to the crowd. You waited for the game to start, and truth be told, no matter how many times Ken had explained the rules of the game, anything barely stuck to your brain. Still, you tried your best to support him even though that meant cheering for him blindly whenever the others did.

The crowd went wild again as the Giants scored yet another point.

You got distracted by a notification coming to your phone. You wanted to ignore it, but as you saw Hina’s name as the sender, you had to sit down and open the message. She rarely texts you out of work, so there must have been something out of the ordinary. You felt your heart drop as you read the message, and a link towards a news website was sent together.

Your eyes caught her message first. Oh my God?! You’ve been dating Ken Sato?

You read the headline next. BREAKING NEWS: BASEBALL PLAYER KEN SATO AND SUPERMODEL Y/N IN A RELATIONSHIP?

You stood up together with the rest of the cheering crowd, but you had to wrestle your way through to make your way out of the stadium. You didn’t know what to do, Kenji was still in game and your feet almost gave way as your shaky hands opened the link to read the news.

Everything was summed up in one news article, and you felt your world getting smaller as you saw the pictures of the night Ken had piggybacked you after you hurt your leg, all obviously looking like they were taken in secret. You read through the whole article, your ears deafened by the sound of roaring cheers inside the stadium.

You were standing outside the stadium, and you looked back at the giant screen you could see displaying yet another shot of Ken doing his signature pose to the camera. You turned back to the news article in your hands, and read through the whole thing over and over again. Several lines caught your eyes, and you finally caught on who was behind this.

Photographer Yuichiro handed over the pictures of the two lovebirds having a secret date at the private beach, which was purportedly owned by Ken Sato. From the pictures taken, I’m sure everyone would come to one very obvious conclusion. The question is; do you find the relationship surprising, or are they a perfect match for each other?

You wondered if it was all planned by him; the photo shoot together with Ken. Was he testing to see whether you’d accept a date with him to assume whether you’d have a boyfriend or not?

You wanted to run away. But from what, exactly? Running away wouldn’t solve this problem.

Well, if it turned into a problem.

Cheers erupted again as you returned to the stadium, just in time to see the final score and then celebrating the Giants’ victory. Chanting swimmed through the crowd, and you gripped your phone tightly as you searched for Ken among the players.

You finally spotted him at the bench, and your mind was as equally noisy as the audience around you.

He looked in your direction, trying to search for you but before he could catch your eyes, his shoulder was tapped by a fellow teammate, showing him an article displayed on the screen.

Everything happened fast, you didn’t know that it was possible as your worst fear came to life in front of everyone. The giant screen in the stadium displayed the news article and the pictures of the both of you displayed in a slideshow. You could hear shouts of confusion and gasps among the crowd as all of them were looking at the same thing.

The noise of the crowd died down as Ken made his way to the edge of the field, where an interviewer was waiting to start the session. The topic of the interview was supposed to be about the win at first, but it had clearly turned into a different direction.

The camera focused on Ken, and you knew he was directly looking at you. He looked calm, the practised smile he had on whenever he appeared on screen.

“Ken Sato,” the interviewer started, as he looked into the camera, “The name that is no longer a stranger to every household. His return to Japan brought waves and hope to the Giants. But today,” she turned to him, “it seemed like you’re the focus on the interview for an entirely different topic. Who knew that this eligible bachelor was actually already taken? I have the man here with me, so, what would you like to say?”

The crowd was obediently silent as they waited for his answer. You felt your heart beating loud in your chest as you, too, anticipated what he would say.

For a split second your mind wondered whether he would vehemently deny the news, but you brushed that thought away. You trusted him.

“I do have a question for everyone here, first, though.” Ken swept his vision across the crowd. “Is it a sin for a celebrity, or at least someone who is quite well known by the public, I mean,” he shrugged, “I don’t wanna sound like I’m boasting or that I’m too full of myself thinking that I’m famous.”

There was a ripple of laughter through the whole crowd.

“Is it wrong for me to be in a relationship?”

Silence. A dread coming over you as you quietly anticipated that there might be protests coming from the crowd. No one spoke up until you heard a female shouting from the crowd, “No, it’s not a sin! Well, we would be slightly sad that our favourite bachelor is no longer available, but you’re still human!”

Your eyes travelled to the female shouting, and realised why the voice was so familiar. It was Hina. She saw you looking at her and she grinned, giving a thumbs-up.

“Thank you, random woman from the crowd,” Ken uttered. He turned back to the camera. “I think that answered the question. I’m still human,” he shrugged, his eyebrows lifting up as he announced, “and I fell in love with Y/N. We are happily in a relationship. I’m proud to say that she’s mine.” His eyes finally fall towards your direction. You could only discern his expressions and gestures from the big screen because he was too far from you. “I love you, Y/N.”

There was a momentary moment of silence that you could hear a pin dropping, and you feared that maybe, the public wouldn’t take it so nicely.

But soon, the whole stadium shook with cheers from the crowd. This time around, they were chanting both Ken's and your names.

Okay, so this was not the reaction that you had expected.

You saw Ken gesturing to you, asking to meet you privately after the game. You nodded, pointing to your phone to say that you would communicate through text.

He sent you a message for the meetup point, and you practically ran towards where he had wanted to meet you.

You saw him at the end of the empty hallway, the noise in the stadium a distant sound now that it was only the two of you. You ran into his arms and he caught you, laughing. You let your breath steady first before saying anything.

“Ken Sato… you…” you started. “You have this way of wording things. I never expected the whole crowd to just agree with you.”

“Hey, look at me.” He tilted your chin, and he gazed upon you. “Like I said, we’re still humans.” He kissed your lips. “And I fell in love with you.”

“Hmm…” You hummed, still feeling slightly worried.

Ken opened the article, scrolled down to the comments and showed them to you. “See, they’re all positive comments.” He cleared his throat, doing his best imitation while reading the comments. “Oh my God, they’re a perfect match for each other! I knew they were dating, it would be weird if they didn't date. Honestly, I don’t know how it happened, but I’m happy for them. Y/N, you’d be better off with me-” He stopped reading when he read one comment that irked him. “You know what, I’m going to report that last comment.”

You burst into laughter seeing how he was tapping furiously at the screen, blowing out an air of satisfaction as he finally reported the comment.

“There, problem solved,” he announced.

“You know that probably some time in the future that there will probably be people who won’t be satisfied.” You sniffed.

“Well that’s too bad.” He bumped his forehead against yours. “Because you’re already mine.”

[pathologicalreid]

newly creds | S.R.

in which the BAU team wants to see your newly issued credentials

who? spencer reid x fem!BAU!reader

category: fluff

content warnings: marriage. changing your name. slightly suggestive at the end but nothing explicit.

word count: 498

a/n: first and foremost, thank you so much for 100 followers AND for almost 3k likes i am so astounded by this im just so grateful. i absolutely wrote this while i was supposed to be doing privacy law homework. very proud of the title too. also today is my birthday so legally you have to like and reblog this!!! please enjoy <3

“So, let’s see it,” Derek prodded as he leaned over your desk, obviously searching the surface of it for something.

You peered up at him, “Can I help you?”

Before he could properly answer you, Emily entered the bullpen. Her eyes found you and she hastily piled her things on her desk before joining Morgan next to yours. “Do you have it?” She asked, dark hair shining as she inspected your desk.

Obviously, you had missed some sort of memo about whatever ‘it’ is. “I have uh, half of a bagel?” You offered helplessly, gesturing to your unfinished breakfast that was waiting patiently for you on top of a napkin.

“Y/N!” Penelope called your name from the glass doors she was rushing through, “Did I miss it? I want to see!”

Spencer rounded the corner of your desk, slowly placing a mug of fresh coffee on your desk, next to your abandoned bagel. “What’s going on?” He asked, carefully bringing his cup of coffee to his mouth to take a sip.

You shrugged, “They all want to see something but won’t tell me what ‘it’ is.” You grumbled, holding out your left hand, “Is this it?” The whole team had seen your ring already, Emily, Penelope, and JJ had even helped Spencer pick it out. You wondered if maybe they all wanted to see the engagement ring with your wedding band.

“Y/N,” another voice called, you resisted the urge to bury your face in your hands as you turned to face JJ. “Did you get the envelope that was on your desk? It got delivered to me by mistake, but I kept it safe while you two were honeymooning.”

Your lips parted, “Oh!” Quickly, you realized what everyone was pestering you about. You and Spencer had just gotten back from your weeklong honeymoon. The both of you got to work first, just to find a package on your desk. Rolling your chair back slightly, you rolled your eyes, “You know, you all could’ve just said something.”

You reached into your desk drawer and pulled out your credentials before unclipping your badge from your belt loop. Handing your creds to Derek and your badge to Garcia, who squealed in excitement, you couldn’t help but smile at Spencer. “SSA Y/N Reid,” Derek said, sounding like a proud parent.

Spencer placed a hand on your shoulder, and you beamed, “I wasn’t expecting them so quickly, I don’t even have my new driver’s license yet.”

“Does this mean you’re both going to answer to Reid now?” Emily asked, smiling at the prospect of confusion.

Shaking your head, you took your badge back, “Not unless it’s a prank. Hotch actually specifically asked us not to do that.”

“Welcome back,” Rossi said, walking into the bullpen and passing your desk. “I sure hope the two of you had the same kind of fun I did on my third honeymoon,” he teased, winking as he continued up to his office.

Spencer choked on his coffee.

[yourlocalmerchgirl]

Hopeful

Soft! Jackson Joel Miller x Neurodivergant/ ADHD F!reader

Summary: Joel hasn't felt hopeful since before the outbreak, that is before he meets you when he arrives in Jackson. Hes falling for you, but you couldn't possible fee the same way, could you?

Soft! Jackson Joel miller x Neurodivergant\ ADHD reader AU

MDNI 18+ NSFW

Warnings: unspecified age gap (i wrote this with reader in her early 30s and Joel in is early 50s but no ages are specifically said) soft Joel, concerned Joel, protective Joel, Neurodivergant, audio overstimulation, anxiety. He falls first. Match maker Ellie. Smut. Oral (F! receiving) Fingering, heavy make out sessions. Joel's chatty. body imagine issues, low self-esteem. Swearing, dirty talk. Praise.

A/N: Man this story really got away from me! what i thought would be a short story turned out to be rather length but im proud as hell of this story and i hope you enjoy!

There’s not a lot of descriptors about reader other than eye color and mentions of curves/ plush but they can easily be changed.

Hopeful.

Hopeful wasn’t something Joel felt since before the outbreak. But when he met you, it started brewing slow and low just below the surface until he couldn’t deny it anymore, couldn’t push it away any longer. You made him feel hopeful.

“Dude if you stare much longer the whole town is gonna notice.” Ellie teases as she jabs Joel with her elbow.

“Oh stop it, I wasn’t staring”

“You’ve been looking at her for like 10 minutes, just go sit with her”

Joel turns away quickly feeling his face getting red. He thought he was doing a better job of keeping his fondness for you hidden. He figured there was no way you’d share the same feelings, why would you like a guy like him? Old, beat up, and someone the whole town talked about. He figured there just wasn’t any way.

“She don’t want me bothering her” Joel shrugs

“Im not lying when I say she asks about you when you haven’t been to the stables yet.”

A slight smile tugs at Joel’s lips, he always asks Ellie about you too.

“Go sit with her”Ellie nudges him

Joel let’s out a nervous sigh and makes his way over to your table.

You’re fully engrossed in your book that you don’t notice Joel standing there for a moment.

“Is this seat taken darlin’?”

You don’t even have to look to know it’s Joel, you’d know his voice anywhere.

You chuckle, looking up at him with that smile and those big beautiful hazel eyes he loved so much.

“What’s funny?”

“Unless Ellie and Dina are sitting with me, that seats never taken”

Joel frowns at your comment.

“You want some company? It ok if I sit?”

“I’d love some” you say trying not too seem to eager but your bursting with butterflies over Joel wanting to sit with you. Your smile happens automatically, like it always does with Joel.

You’d been fond of Joel since him and Ellie arrived in Jackson. Despite all the whispers about him in town, his presence always calmed you in a way nobody ever had, you couldn’t explain it even if you tried. You absolutely adored Ellie from the moment you met her, Joel always telling you she trusts you in a way he’s never seen before.

The two of you fall into comfortable small talk as you both finish breakfast.

“Didn’t see you at the town dance last night”

“That’s because I didn’t go, you went?”

“Well Ellie and Dina wanted to go cause they’re always reading about dances in the diaries they find, so I went too. Plus Ellie’s always teasin’ me that I need to get out more”

“I don’t normally go to stuff like that, I’m too awkward and I don’t want people asking me to dance because they feel bad.”

“Now I’m sure there would be lots of people who’d like to dance with you” Joel has all he can do not to tell you he’d show up to dance with you everytime if he knew you’d be there.

“That’s really kind of you to say, but incase you haven’t noticed the people here don’t really know how to take me.”

“You headin to the stables?” Joel already knows the answer. He knows it’s not your day to work at the stables but he asks anyways because he doesn’t want the conversation to end.

“ No, today I’m working on getting the little town library set up, now that you and Tommy are finished building the shelves, I’d like to open it soon.”

“Y’need any help? I’m off my normal duties today”

“Oh no, it’s ok. You don’t have to do that. I don’t want to bother you on your free time”

“It’s really no trouble at all, I wouldn’t offer if I didn’t want to help” Joel’s jokes, smiling at you.

Your laugh.

He’d give anything to hear your laugh over and over again.

“And I guess I wouldn’t accept if I didn’t want help and company” you teased back, trying to stifle the giggle that bubbles up.

She wants company, my company?

The two you you load up the first wagon full of books and wheel across the center of town to the little store front soon to be the The Jackson Town Library.

“Here we can unload them. Then I can keep making the trips back and forth with the cart while you set them up in the shelves”

“Sounds like a deal to me. Why don’t we make like 3-4 trips and stop for the day. Because if not we’re both the type of people to work on our whole day off.”

“You got yourself a deal sweetheart”

Joel can’t help but smile as he turns to make the second trip. There was just something about the way you made him feel at ease, that he couldn’t get over.

When Joel returned with the second load of books he found you and Ellie chatting as she was helping you.

“What was it like to have a birthday party and sleepovers?” Ellie asks you.

“What makes you ask that?” You ask chuckling a little.

“Well I’ve been reading about them in the people from before the outbreaks diaries but I never had either of them”

“They were fun for a lot of people, I um didn’t really have a lot of friends, so my birthday parties were always mostly family. And I only ever went to a few sleep overs. I was always so excited to be included when I got to go to them.”

It breaks Joel’s heart listening to you and Ellie talking. It wasn’t fair that Ellie never got to experience what life was like before the outbreak, never really getting a childhood. Hearing you talking about how hard and lonely your life was even as a child tore him up. You were different sure, but you had a heart of gold. You were so caring, always supporting everyone who needed something and all you wanted was love and care in return.

He wanted to be that person for you so badly, the one who made your heart soar with all the love and support you never had. To be the one to make you laugh on the good days and take you into his arms and take the pain away on the bad days.

He’s not sure exactly when he started to fall for you, but it was coming on faster and stronger by the day.

“My birthday is next weekend, could I have a birthday party?”

You looked up locking eyes with Joel

“Of course you can, we can throw you a birthday party Ellie” you smile at him as you answer.

We. She wants to help me throw a birthday party for Ellie? There’s no bounds to how wonderful and caring this woman is.

“ I of course want to invite you, Dina, Jesse, Ethan, uncle Tommy and Maria. Ooo can I have a sleep over?”

“No boys are sleeping over”

You can’t help but laugh at Joel’s abrupt response.

“Eww no of course not, but Dina and (y/n) could stay over couldn’t they?”

“ yes if they want to they are more then welcome”

“Oh this is awesome, I gotta go tell everyone!”

“Wait, shouldn’t you ask if (y/n) wants too?” Joel’s looking at you to gage your reaction

“Of course, I wouldn’t miss it for the world”

Ellie smiles wildly as she runs out of the store front.

——————————————————————

The day came for Ellie’s party, and you loaded up your wagon with all the supplies and headed over there early to help set up.

“Jesus you’ve got a lot of stuff, you didn’t have to go through all this trouble”

“I know but I really wanted to make this as special as I could for her. She deserves to have the experiences she never got too”

Your big heart made Joel’s soar, you were so kind and thoughtful.

“ I do have a big surprise for her, for all the kids really”

“Oh yea? What do you have up your sleeve?” Joel teases.

“So I went through some boxes that had been in the house in one of the closets. I never bothered to before because it’s not like I really have a lot of stuff so they weren’t in the way. But I wanted to see if there was anything I could use for Ellie’s party and man I hit the jackpot”

Joel just smirks and raises a eyebrow signaling you to continue.

“Well one I found another Will Livingston pun book, which she’s going to love and I found a Nintendo console with a bunch of game cartridges. I figured we could teach the kids how to play and then Ellie can keep it”

There it is again, we. Maybe I’m reading into this to much. But I can’t help but feel like she actually likes spending time with me.

“Shit, they’re all going to love it! Man I haven’t played with one of these in ages”

“Me either, I was never any good at them and the sounds drove me crazy”

Joel relished moments like this, when you pulled back the curtain you shielded yourself with and let him see you.

You sat there completely content and full of joy watching Joel teach the kids how to play each game before he joined you on the couch as they went crazy battling each other.

As the kids cheer and the Mario music blasts Joel looks over to see you struggling. Your eyes shut tightly, chest rising and falling quicker than normal

“Hey, want to have a drink in the kitchen?” Joel whispers as he places his hand lightly on your arm.

“Please” you whisper, embarrassed that Joel saw you like that.

You sit at the kitchen table while Joel takes out two glasses with ice and pours whiskey doubles into them.

“Everything alright darlin’?” Joel ask as he takes his seat sliding your glass over to you.

“Oh..yea..everything’s alright” you say staring down at the amber liquid. Embarrassment flooding your system.

“I ain’t gonna push you if you don’t want to talk and I know I probably ain’t your first choice of someone to talk to, but just know you can talk to me.”

Joel desperately wants to know about your struggles, what makes you the way you are. He wants to be the one that helps you through life, the one who makes the bad days good and the good days better. But he pushes aside the thoughts that you’d want to be more than just friends, if you even considered him that. Because after all why would a girl like you like someone like him, could he really be that lucky?

You think about your answer for a few beats, and realize there’s no use trying to lie to Joel. There was just something about Joel that was comforting, that made you feel safe, but in a different way than the way you felt with Tommy you just couldn’t put your finger on it.

“No its not at all like that. I like talking to you.” You don’t miss the way Joel’s eyes light up a little.

“It’s just….I usually just retreat into myself, it’s easier that way. Most people don’t want to hear about my weird issues that can’t be solved with a why don’t you just ignore it?, why can’t you just change? Can’t you be a little less weird?” You said with a defeated shrug.

You wanted to talk to Joel, but part of you hoped he would just change the subject and move on. Because your quiet sure he doesn’t actually want to hear about your ADHD and all the weird idiosyncrasies that came with it.

“Well I’m not most people” he drawled as he lightly touched your arm. Nodding his head to encourage you to continue.

Truthfully he wanted to hear anything you wanted to tell him, Joel wanted to be your comfort point, the person that you went to for anything. To be the person you felt the safest with, to let your tired shoulders relax from holding up that wall around yourself. Letting your true self shine, free from judgement and surrounded by the love you deserve.

“I have sensory issues, especially with audio and textures. It’s hard to explain and it’s been along time since anyone wanted me too, so bare with me because some of this isn’t going to make a whole lot of sense.”

“You take all the time you need sweetheart, there no rush or pressure. I’m here for you”

Joel can’t help but notice your eyes soften and body langue relax a little when you realize he’s got you, that he’s hear for you and truly listening.

“I get overwhelmed easily by a lot of sounds happening at once, like in there with the sounds of the game and all the yelling and cheering at the same time makes my brain feel scrambled up. Like I can’t sort any of it out, it just sounds like one big mixing bowl of sounds. And when that happens I get anxious, my heart starts to pound, my ears ring and sometimes I lash out coming off to aggressive in the moment to try and make it stop.”

“ you’ve been around enough at the stables, you’ve probably heard me come on a little to strong with a razor sharpe tongue when it all gets to much. I always feel so bad, I never mean to snap. But sometimes when it’s so overwhelming it’s like I have no control of my tongue and I just blurt it out before I even realize I’m saying anything.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Ask me anything you’d like and I’ll do my best to answer”

“I don’t want this to come out wrong, I’m realizing now this might sound a little weird. But I’ve noticed you fuss with your clothes, like your pulling them away from your skin constantly, is-is that part of the sensitivity?”

You can’t help but look at Joel for a few beats to long, stunned by his question. Not because of the way he worded it but because of the context of his question, that fact that he’s picked up on your discomfort and is curious about it instead of just asking why you can’t just deal with it like everyone else ever has.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean t’make you uncomfortable” Joel says taking your silence as a bad sign.

“No, you didn’t at all. I just got lost in the thought of you being so observant but always wanting to know.”

“I always want to ask if your alright but I never want to pry, I know you like your space”

You can’t help the smile that dances across your face.

“You can ask me anything Joel, if I’m not comfortable answering I’d tell you.”

“But yes, the clothing thing is part of it. The texture of some fabrics against me make me want to crawl out of my skin. It’s hard sometimes for me to fall asleep too because the way the blankets and sheets touch my skin doesn’t feel right. I know it’s weird, I can’t really explain it.”

“It’s not just with clothing or fabric either, it’s physical touch too, which is the worst to get people to understand. I hate being touched, the feeling of most people touching me makes my skin crawl. And they love to brush it off by being like oh well I’m a huggy person or oh I’m just a touchy person so it’s ok.”

“I’m sorry, I know Ellie hugs you all the time and I know I touched you earlier”

“See now this is the most frustrating and complicated part about this. There are people like you, Ellie and Tommy that are in my bubble that I’m comfortable with, that I trust, that that kind of contact is welcome from.”

She likes when I touch her? Am I a welcome presence for her? I’ll drive myself crazy thinking about this too hard, but maybe just maybe she’s trying to tell me she feels the same as I do?

“Then the flip side of it is that there are also sounds that bring me so much comfort, like songs that I could listen to on repeat without batting an eye. The sound of someone’s voice that brings me back to earth when the anxiety is unrelenting. A scent that soothes me beyond explanation.”

Joel can’t help but let his thoughts run wild, indulging in the thought that you might be talking about him. He’s about to ask about your comment when Ellie barges into the kitchen.

“Oh sorry to interrupt” she says when she realizes you two are deep in conversation.

“Oh no it’s ok, you probably just saved me from really embarrassing myself” you chuckle

Joel doesn’t miss the way you stiffen up, as if you feel like you’ve said to much.

“ I’m ready to watch my birthday movie but I’m also really ready for the guys to leave so it’s just the four of us, could you kick them out?”

“ course I can do that, we’ll be right in”

You quickly get up from the table to follow after Ellie.

“Hang on, sweetheart” Joel says softly as he reaches for your arm.

“Can-can I give you a hug? Or rather would you like a hug?”

You can feel the embarrassment really take hold as you pull your eyes to the floor. He had no idea how much you wanted a hug from him and you had no idea how badly he wanted to hug you.

“I would like that” you said meekly as you nod your head. If Joel wasn’t listening intently, hanging on your every word he would of missed it

He takes a few steps closer to you hesitating for a couple beats before he wraps his arms you.

As if you’d been waiting for this moment, your entire body relaxes under his touch. Joel can’t help but notice they way you bury your head into his chest as you wrap your arms around him tighter. The way you stay there in his arms for longer than he expects, like your completely at ease in this moment.

“Thank you….thank you for listening. For letting me talk.” You whisper

“Thank for trusting me, for letting me in” he whispers back.

——————————————————————

It had been a few months since Ellie’s birthday party and Joel couldn’t help but boil over with happiness at seeing more of you. You started coming around often and listening to him play guitar on the porch after your walks with Ellie. You started joining them for family meals more in the mess hall, though Joel couldn’t tell you he called them that- not yet anyway.

Because honestly he was waiting for the other shoe to drop, for you to decide he wasn’t the type of person you wanted to spend alot of time with. It’s why he didn’t press you on wether or not you were coming to his birthday gathering at the tipsy bison tonight that Tommy was putting together. He didn’t want you to feel pressured.

You slip into the dimly lit tipsy bison about 45 minutes before Joel’s party is supposed to end. You were so nervous to come, that it took alot for you to actually leave the house. You realize as you slip into a table in the dark back corner that you also forgot his present at home too.

Somethings seriously wrong with me when I remember to bring my security book and not this man’s damn present.

You scan the room and see Joel and Tommy talking to a few people at the bar. Nervous about interrupting you open up your book and try to block out all the loud chatter.

Joel scans the small crowd hoping to see you when he over hears Caleb talking to Tommy.

“Why would she come to something like this if she’s not going to speak to anyone?”

Joel follows Caleb’s motion, feeling a tugging in his chest when he lays eyes on you. You’re sitting in the dark corner of the Tipsy Bison hunched over your book, rubbing your finger back and forth on the cover. Something Joel picked up on that you do when your anxious as a way to sooth yourself.

“Sorry we can’t all be rays of fucking sunshine like you” Joel hears Ellie snap back as he’s making his way over to you.

The closer he gets to you the more his heart pounds. When was the last time I ever felt like this if ever. Joel doesn’t know when it started happening but he can’t fight it any longer, he’s falling for you hard and fast like a fright train. You consume his every thought, which terrifies the hell out of him but he can’t turn back now, not even if he tried.

“Hey there sweetheart, you came” for one fleeting moment Joel feels nervous, maybe you don’t want to be bothered because after all you didn’t even tell him you were here. But that all melts away the moment you look at him. The smile that touches your eyes, the shimmer of happiness that dances across your face.

“Hey!”

“It ok to join you?”

“Of course, I’d love that. As long as I’m not taking your time away from anyone else?”

“There isn’t one person in here I’d rather talk to”

The way you beam up at him as you quickly but your book back in you’re bag says it all. This is another sign of yours that Joel’s picked up on, you only do this when you’re comfortable and want to talk to someone. You always do this when you see him, he trys so hard not to read into that but at this point it’s impossible.

The two of you sit and talk for a bit. You can’t help but be consumed by all things Joel when you were around him, and you loved that. The way he looked at you like you were the only other person in the world or the way he made you feel when ever he was near was both to much snd not enough. Your feelings for him charging full steam ahead, there’s no way you’d stop them even if you had the option.

But could he really feel the same?

“Well I should go I don’t want to take you away from your friends to long”

“Oh, let me walk you home”

“No no it’s ok, I’ll be alright, it’s your party” you say frowning, not wanted to inconvenience him in any way.

“Sweetheart…I can promise you most these people ain’t here for me”

You pause for a few beats

“Ok, in that case I’d love that” unable to control the sincere wild smile that dances across your lips at the thought of Joel Miller walking you home.

“Um ah- would you like to come in for a minute? I ah have a gift for you but I forgot it when I left for your party” you smile sheepishly up at Joel as you reach your little house.

“You have a gift for me?”

“Yea…I made you a birthday present”

Joel follows you inside your house, and instantly the scent of you is filling his senses. He watches as your disappear down the hall and into a room, unsure if he can follow you mixed with not wanting to scare you has him staying in the kitchen.

“Here it’s not much, but I wanted to do something” you say nervously handing him the small gift wrapped in a scrap piece of fabric.

You lean back against the counter as Joel takes the gift, unwrapping the corded string holding the fabric around the gift like wrapping paper.

You’re overcome with anxiety watching him, making it near impossible to look at him. What if he doesn’t like it? What if it’s to much? Joel doesn’t miss the way your fidgeting around nervously.

As Joel pulls back the last fold of fabric he reveals a smallish leather bound note book. As he turns it over in his hands the light catches right for him to notice stitched into the cover in a slightly different colored string than the leather is his name.

“You made this for me? Christ it must of taken forever” Joel asks as he runs this fingers over the the letters.

“D-do you like it? I hope it’s not to much?” You say sheepishly, retreating into yourself as your wrap your arms around yourself.

“No no, it ain’t like that. I love it, I’m just surprised you took the time to make something for me of all people.”

“It took me about two months to do, because I worked on it when I had the energy after rounds at the stables. But I wanted to do something special for you, because.. well because your special to me. When I heard you saying your note book for your patrol and maintenance notes was almost full I got the idea to make this without knowing how to go about it”

“Nobody’s ever done anything like this more me before. Is it ok if I give you a hug sweetheart?”

When Joel takes you into his arms he expects you to be tense before you relax like the few times before,but not this time. No this time was different, this time you melted under his touch immediately burying your face in his chest. He can’t help but think maybe you’ve been needing his touch, his comfort as much as he needs yours.

You feel him pull back from the hug, making you painfully aware you held on to him for a few beats to long. You’re anxiety takes over as you pull back, you’re gaze dropping to the floor immediately.

“Sorry. Sorry, I made that weird”

“Give yourself some credit sweetheart, you never make anything weird. I just wanted to look at you, that’s all”

Pulling your gaze back up, your met with his beautiful deep brown eyes. They’re filled with a soft tenderness as he reaches up caressing the curve of your cheek.

Joel’s large warm hand comes to cup the side of your face, smoothing his calloused thumb back and forth over your cheek bone. His heart thunders in his chest when you lean into his touch, looking more free than he’s ever seen you. Almost as if you’re letting him see a glimpse of yourself from before the world fell apart. He also sees a lightness in your body language that he only notices when the two of you are together.

His eyes flicker between your lips and your eyes a few times, trying to search for any fear or discomfort.

Fuck it.

Your eyes flutter closed as Joel’s lips connect with yours in a soft and tender kiss. Your mind in desperately trying to process everything as Joel takes your stillness as hesitation and pulls away at the exact moment you brain catches up.

“Sorry I misre-“

“Wait, Do it again” you whisper

Joel grabs both sides of your face as he lowers himself back down connecting with your soft lips again. Only this time you don’t hesitate, you return the kiss as you bring your hands to loop round his neck, your fingers sinking into the hair at the nape of his neck. Joel skims his hands down your sides resting them on your hips, a action that makes you gasp as you tilt you’re head up.

“Is this ok?” He whispers as he pulls back enough to rest his forehead against yours.

“Yes” you whisper back, running your fingers deeper into his dark graying hair. This action unlocks something deep inside Joel as he hooks his one hand around your lower back and the other around the back of your head pulling you closer to him. When you resume kissing it’s more passionate and frantic than before and as Joel licks along the seam of your bottom lip begging for entrance you tilt your head up immediately allowing him to deepen the kiss. As your warm wet tongues dance together the grip you two have on each other tightens. Neither of you wanting to show the other how terrified you both are of the other slipping through your fingers if you not holding on for dear life.

As you both pull back to catch your breath you can’t help the giggle that escapes you.

“I guess it’s safe to say you liked your present?”

“It’s safe to say I like more than just the present sweetheart”

He can’t possibly be saying what I think he’s saying can he?”

“I’d invite you to watch a movie but I moved the only tv into the bedroom because it helps me sleep alone and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable”

What I wouldn’t give to spend every night next to her. I never want her to feel alone.

“I’d be more than comfortable with that but only if you are”

Christ I could get lost in the big hazel eyes of hers.

“I honestly would love that” youre trying to hide your smile not wanting to come off too eager but it’s impossible.

You lead the way to your bedroom, once inside you gesture to the bed, “you can pick the movie and make your yourself comfortable I’ll be right back.”

You beeline it for the bathroom, splashing some water on your face and looking at yourself in the mirror. You take a few deep breaths trying to tamp down the anxiety.

Did I really just invite Joel Miller to watch a movie with me in my bed and he accepted? When did I get so bold?

Making your way back to the bedroom you see Joel sitting up with his back against the wall with the few pillows against the wall next to him.

The way your smiling at him makes him feel like it’s just you and him in this world, I feeling that nobody has ever given him before.

“Why don’t you have any pillows you rest your back on?” You say as you settle in next to him.

“I just want to make sure your comfortable, I’ll be fine”

You laugh, that beautiful laugh Joel has come to love so much.

“Well I certainly don’t need all of these, you should be comfortable too” you say as you hand him a couple.

Joel absolutely melts at this action. It speaks volumes to him that your advocating for his comfort as well as your own without even thinking about it or being asked too.

As he’s settling back against the pillows Joel notices you rolling one of your shoulders back as it’s it’s bothering you.

“You alright sweetheart? I’ve been noticing you rolling youre shoulder a lot this week, it botherin’ you?”

“Oh yea… it’s fine, I just tweaked it at the stables. Shimmers stables doors been sticking and the saddles are a little high for me sometimes, but it’s fine. I just gotta go easy on it for a bit”

Joel feels a wave of concern mixed with anger, but not with you with himself.

I should of asked sooner, she shouldn’t be getting hurt at work because of something I could of helped fixed. I need to go down there and fix something.

“ let me take a look at it sweetheart”

You’re embarrassed, your sure he thinks your the biggest idiot as you turn facing your back to him.

“Where does it hurt?”

“It hurts kind of along my shoulder blade”

Joel starts feeling along your shoulder blade applying light pressure.

“Ugh right in there” you quietly groan

“It’s a little swollen, maybe a pinched nerve…I could rub it, try to work it out for y’ou if you’d be comfortable with that.”

“Wait…really?”

“Please don’t feel like you have too, it’s ok”

“It’s no trouble sweetheart”

Joel helps you settle back between his legs as he slips his hand into the neck of your shirt messaging his thumb along your shoulder.

Joel doesn’t miss the relaxed sigh you breath out as your eyes get heavy and you slowly fall back until your back is completely flush again his chest, your head on his shoulder.

He wraps his arms around you tightly, looking down to see you completely asleep in his arms. He leans down softy placing a kiss on your forehead. Warmth slowly creeps up his spine, over his shoulders and deep into his chest. This is what safety feels like, you- are what safety feels like. Joel doesn’t have to have his walls up with you. He can relax, let his guard down, not have to be in a constant state of fight or flight around you. The more Joel let’s this realization consume him, the heavier his eyes get and before he can stop it he starts dozing off.

He snaps awake 10 minutes later to the feeling of you squirming in his arms followed by the sounds of mumbles and whimpers in your sleep. You cry out briefly before you roll over, clutching him with your head buried in the crook of his and your chest flush against his own. Joel can feel your heart pounding against his chest.

“Shhhh baby girl it’s ok, I got you. You’re with me. Your safe” Joel speaks softly rubbing his hands up and down your back.

The moment you hear his voices, the tension drains from your body and your cry’s stop as you fully relax against him.

“Don’t leave me please…I need you ” you’re soft voice speaks against his neck

Joel holds you tightly, unable to shake the memory of you telling him that someone’s voice was soothing to you, that it made you at ease when ever you heard it. He’s 100% confident that you were talking about him.

“Im not goin’ anywhere sweetheart” Joel says as he squeezes you tighter and kisses the crown of your head.

Your so incredibly raw and vulnerable in the moment as you look up at him, your eyes swirling with comfort mixed with fear as you sleepily sit up.

——————————————————————

The next time Joel opens his eyes it’s early morning, your curled up to him, your head on his chest. He can’t help but think he won the lottery. The idea that a women like you would take comfort in him, that you’d want him by you’re side. Joel will make it his mission to make sure you never feel alone again, that he’s by your side for the rest of your life. He doesn’t know what he did to deserve you in his life because he sure as hell didn’t feel like he deserved it.

Joel’s pulled from his thoughts by you sleepily stretch and sitting up. His hand is firmly on your lower back keeping you steady.

“You sleep ok?” He asks slipping his hand under your shirt to rub your lower back.

“I don’t think I’ve slept that deeply since before the outbreak, I’ve never really been a good sleeper”

Christ she’s so beautiful first thing in the morning, givin’ me that cute sleepy smile as she tells me how she slept well next to me.

“Where you able to sleep?”

I can’t tell her I slept better than I have In 20 something years.

“I did get some sleep”

“You hungry? We could go grab Ellie and get breakfast in the mess hall”

Ellie. Fuck I have no idea if any of this is ok with Ellie. I can’t do this to her. I don’t want to drive a wedge between her and Joel or her and I. She’s been though enough I don’t want her to think I’m trying to break up there family.

“ Oh, no it’s ok. You go a head I’m sure you and Ellie have stuff to do today” you say as you you stiffen to sit up straight, the feeling of panic crashing in like a wave.

“No it’s no trouble at all, she should just be over Dina’s anyway” Joel feels your body going ridged, he can tell by your eyes that somethings changing.

“ I have so much to do at the library still before it can open, I’m really not hungry. I’ll just grab something before breakfast ends.” You say swinging your legs over the side of the bed and hurriedly looking for clean clothes.

Joel feels it, he sees it your body langue that somethings wrong. He doesn’t know what flipped the switch but he’s desperate to fix it.

“You should take it easy on your shoulder, rest it so it don’t get worse”

Your body relaxes, your eyes softening briefly at him being protective, showing concern for your health before going ridged again.

“I promise I’ll go easy on my shoulder, I just desperately need to get some projects done. Everyone’s counting on me to get it done and open soon.” Your voice sounds strained and pleading like your trying to convince yourself and much as you are him that you believe what your saying.

“Can I at-least walk you there?”

The walk into town was quiet, neither of you saying much. Just the silent sound of you both battling your own inner self doubt.

“You sure you don’t want breakfast?”

“I’m sure….I’m not very hungry” your voice is soft and strained, almost as if your trying to hold back tears.

Joel cups your face pulling your gaze up to meet his.

“You let me know if you need anything sweetheart, can’t have you hurtin’ your shoulder worse.” Joel drawls before leaning in, closing the gap and placing a soft kiss to your lips. You return the kiss briefly as you run your fingers over his patchy beard.

“I promise I’ll go easy on myself”

Joel can’t shake the feeling that somethings wrong. You never skip breakfast because you get very hangry if you don’t eat in the morning.

Did I scare her? Did I move to fast? Did I make her uncomfortable in some way?

It hits Joel like a ton of bricks as he turn onto his street.

Ellie. She’s worried about how Ellie will feel about us. She’s worried it will drive a wedge between her and I or with them.

Joel stops up the steps and frantically grabs his tool bag.

“Your to old to be staying out all night and then doing a terrible job sneaking back in the next morning” Ellie teases behind Joel.

“I gotta do some extra work in the work shop and at the stables but when your done with your green house shift, we need to talk”

Joel’s never had a way with words like most people, he’s never been eloquent speaker. His love language more came in the form of acts of severance or in words of affirmation. He spends the next few hours building a safe sturdy step stool for the saddles, fixing not just Shimmers stable door but all the horses stables doors so none of them had the possibility to stick and tinkering around and fixing up anything he could find.

You stay at the library for several hours trying completely the simplest tasks, but without much success. Your just going through the motions as your mind is a mile away, thinking about Joel.

Resigning to the fact that you were getting nothing done, you decided to go home to take a hot shower to sooth your racing mind.

As the hot water streams over your body and the steam fills your lungs your mind drifts to Joel. You haven’t stopped thinking about how you can still feel his lips on yours. How he makes you feel seen and heard without any judgement what so ever.

Youre heart aches from how deep your feelings for Joel go, even if it feels like you don’t deserve having him in your life. But you need to apologize to him for how abruptly you retreated back into yourself when the feelings felt to real this morning.

Joel’s nursing a glass of whisky when Ellie gets back from her shift at the green house.

“What’s up Joel, everything alright?”

“Yea, nothin’ bad I just, I like someone and wanna talk about it”

“Oh congrats, your getting soft in your old age. Did you finally become friends with your horse”

“Jerk, no I like a woman. I like a woman, I wanna date her. But are you ok with that?”

“Your so bad at this, why are you being so awkward?”

“We’ll Christ, I’ve never done this before, had this kind of talk. I never brought anyone around Sarah. I don’t know what I’m doing”

“Wait… is this about Y/N?”

Joel nods cautiously

“Man you really are dense aren’t you?” Ellie playfully pokes.

“What’s so funny?”

“Joel.. I’ve been trying to set you up with her since we got here. Tommy’s been helping too”

“What? Really? You’re ok with it?”

“You guys are perfect for each other, it’s so obvious you two really care about each other, at least it is too me because I get to spend time with you guys together away from everyone else.”

Joel just stairs at her stunned

“Look I never wanted to admit this because it sounds stupid, but the times when it’s just you, me and her…it’s feels like we’re a family, like I actually have the family I’ve been dying to have my whole life. She got to know us and excepted us the way we are without listening to all the whispers around town and I think that’s fucking beautiful.”

“I gotta go see her”

“I swear to god Joel don’t fuck this up, she’s the happiness we both deserve, but yes, go to her, go right now”

Joels out of the house and down the street before his brain catches up.

Your scrambling around the house trying to get dressed as fast as you can before you get to anxious and decide not to go to Joel’s when you hear a knock at the door.

“The book drop off box is on the porch” you yell down the hall, figuring someone was trying to pick up or drop off books they borrowed since you weren’t at the library. But you hear who ever is is knock again.

“The book pick up is also on the porch” you yell again hoping the person hears you and gets the point,but they do it yet again. Completely flustered at this point you rip your shirt down over you head and pad angrily to the door.

“The book drop off and pick…” you aggressively swing the door open, stoping dead in your tracks at who’s on the other side.

“Joel” you whisper in surprise. All you can do is stare for a few beats to long at how the evening light highlights his already beautiful features.

“Sorry, this a bad time sweetheart?”

“No…sorry I just thought you were someone else”

You immediately pick up on his change In body langue and quickly follow up with “I just thought it was someone trying to pick up or drop off books” you watch as he relaxes right away again.

“I…I um was actually on my way over to your place”

Before either if you know it your smashing together in a kiss like two magnet’s. The kiss is all teeth and tongues, it’s desperate and awkward, messy and beautiful. Your both clutching on to each other like the other might fly away as Joel walks you backwards through the door way as he pushing the door closed with his foot.

As you both pull back for air Joel cradles your face with his large hands, caressing your cheek bones with the rough pads of his thumbs. His deep brown eyes lock with you hazel ones ands it’s as if they rest of the world doesn’t exist, like it’s only the two of you left on earth.

“I’m so sorry about this morning, I wasn’t trying to be weird. I-I I just…I scared myself with everything”

“It’s ok sweetheart” Joel says as he kisses you softly.

“I talked to Ellie, she’s ok with us being a thing. Honestly quiet excited about it”

You’re speechless for a moment, as you eyes start to well with tears.

“Joel, you didn’t have to do that, I’m sorry if you felt like you had too”

“I did have too, because it’s important to me”

“It’s…it’s important to me that you did”

At hearing that Joel lunges forward again capturing your lips in a kiss pulling you flush against his chest. He swallows the gasp that escapes your lips when he takes your bottom lip between his teeth. You snake your arms around his neck tugging the hair at the nape of his neck. The growl that, that action elicits vibrates through your chest.

“Bedroom?” Joel grits out, his deep voice drips with desire mixed with love.

Joel can’t convince himself otherwise any more, he loves you.

“Bedroom” you echo

Joel’s walking you backwards down the hall to your bedroom when he turns slightly pinning you against the wall just outside your bedroom.

“Are you sure about this sweetheart?” He pulls back just enough to lock eyes with you.

You nod your head yes.

“I need to hear you say it sweetheart. I don’t want to push you farther than your comfortable going because i thought it was ok.”

“I’m sure about this Joel, I want it…I want you”

Joel let’s out a low groan as he attaches his lips to your jaw, nipping his way long it until he reaches that soft spot where your jaw meets your neck. He sucks hard and then soothes the spot with his tongue as his hands sneak inside the hem of your shirt squeezing your plush sides. This earns him another tug at his hair as you let out a whimper. Joel’s head spins from how breathless you are already for him and he hopes you can tell how breathless he is for you.

Joel rips his shirt off at the feeling of you raking your hands up and down his chest. He’s been touched starved for so long that the desperate need for your touch, to feel your skin on his takes over.

Most people wouldn’t describe Joel as beautiful, but you always found him to be. You thought as you took in the sight of him shirtless.

Joel watches you nervously as you trace over old scars on his chest. He’s afraid you’ll want to run and hide from him bearing his soul to you in a way he never has or ever wanted too. But the moment you press your lips to the scars on his chest this worry melts away. You pepper every scar you can see across his chest, arms and shoulders with kisses before you make your way to his neck. You sneak your hands around him to slide them up his back as you reach his ear.

“Every part of you is beautiful” you whisper as you kiss along his jaw.

Joel feels dizzy from your words as your lips make it back to his. Never in his life has anyone ever called him beautiful much less been this tender and sensual with him. He can’t get enough, as he grabs at your waist again. Pulling you tightly to him as he presses you firmly again the wall causing your shirt to ride up.

“It’s ok… you can take it off” you breath

Joel wastes no time ripping your shirt up over your head.

“Your so fuckin’ gorgeous” he growls as you arch into him so he can unhook your bra.

You let the straps slide down your arms until it falls to the floor between the two of you. You’re mind goes blank from Joel’s intense gaze. Slowly he slides his hands up your torso to your breasts. They barely even touched you and your nipples are already hardened peaks. The sensation of him rolling them beneath his slightly calloused thumbs as he’s squeezing your breasts hits you hard. Your eyes flutter shut as your head falls back against the wall, if your not carful you might just climax from this alone.

“Fuck…your skins so soft” Joel growls as he pulls you away from the wall and into your bedroom, not stopping until your legs hit the end of your bed.

His eyes burn right through you as you slid your pants down, leaving yourself in just your panties as you climb on the bed.

The two of you hold each others gaze for a few beats as Joel undoes his belt and steps out of his pants. You instinctually spread your legs to make room for him as the bed dips down. He doesn’t care how long he has to draw this out, Joel’s not stopping until he’s explored every inch of your body. Making you feel like the goddess that he sees you as.

Your eyes flicker from his eyes to his hard outline straining his boxers and back to his eyes. The way he playfully smirks at you makes you realize just how exposed you are to him, making you start to wrap your arms around your body to cover yourself.

“You ok sweetheart?” Joel asks rubbing circles into your thighs.

“Do you want me to cover up some?”

“What?”

“Wait why would I want you to cover up?” He half huffs, confused

“Im not the skinniest…I don’t look as good as you”

Joel hates the idea that someone(s) made you feel like you weren’t worthy because your body isn’t their ideal body. He’s loves your curves, the plushness of your skin.

“Everything about you is gorgeous, and if it s’ok id like to show you just how gorgeous I think you are.”

You frantically nod and with that Joel dips his body down kissing right above your clothed clit, pulling a whimper out of you. He then moves to your hips, kissing them both before kissing all the way up your stomach til he reaches your breasts.

He licks along the swell of your breast, pulling your peaked nipple in between his teeth as he palms the other one with his free hand. Then does the same to the other.

“So fuckin’ sexy” Joel whispers against your breast as he swings his leg over to straddle one of your legs.

He crashes forward, his rock hard bulge pressing into your hip to capture your lips in a passionate kiss. Your hands automatically plant firmly in his hair as his tongue dances with yours. Making his way down your neck sucking the soft skin where your shoulder meets your neck between his teeth, then sooth it with his tongue. You know it’s going to leave a mark, you want it too. Even if this is just for tonight, you want Joel to mark you as his. But you had no idea how much he wants that too. To make you his.

Joel plunges his tongue back into your mouth as he dips his free hand where you need it most. His finger grazes your clit has he slips it through your slit, deep into your core with a audible squelch. You both swallow each others moans.

A breathy moan escapes your lips as he gathers some of your wetness to your swollen clit with tight circles.

“Christ baby…y’so wet. This all from me?” Joel breathes, as you pull back. He wants to see the pleasure he’s giving you.

“All day…a-always” you breath unable to get more out.

“Fuck” Joel groans as he pulls down your panties, seating himself back between your legs.

“Fuck..baby you feel s’good around my fingers”

Joel’s trusts his fingers in and out of you at a steady pace.

“J-Joel…it’s feels s-s good” you say through a stifled whimper.

“Don’t hold back baby. Lemme hear ya. Wanna hear how good I make you feel.” Joel purrs as he’s stroking that soft spongy spot so well.

Your climax crashes over you like a wave against a rocky coast. You couldn’t stop even if you tried.

“Fuu- J-Joel…it feels so good”

“Thats it baby let go”

You clench around his fingers perfectly as you fall over the edge.

“Doin’ so good for me sweetheart. Soundin’ so beautiful.”

Joel leaves a trail of kisses and praise in the valley between your breasts and down your stomach.

“Can I taste you sweetheart?” He growls as he nips at the insides of your thighs. Pupils blows wide open when you lock eyes with him.

“Please” you whine

Joel gives a few kitten licks up your center to watch you squirm, then dives in like a starved man eating his last meal. You thrusted your hips forward grinding into his face desperately chasing anything he’ll give you. Joel’s harder than he’s ever been before, head dripping with pre-come at the feeling of you grinding on his face to chase your release.

He’d give you this every single day if you’d let him. He doesn’t even care about his own release. He could drown in between your legs and die a happy man seeing the pleasure he gives you from his tongue on your face.

Tag List:

@vee-bees-blog @vie-is-punk @musings-of-a-rose-writes @iamsherlocked-1998 @frecklefacelm @thatoneobsessedlinguist-writes @alyhull @sj66 @merci-killing @whenmondaycomes @ellishamae25 @romabloo @jennaispunk @elizabeth4th @runningmom94 @closetedconsumer @alongfortheridereader @thegingerlily @starlite41 @sirensheartbeat-blog @pedropascalfan221 @vivian-pascal @mads198-9 @f1shb0nez @almodovarispunk @pedroslittlelady @collection-of-fucking-chaos @megjohnston23 @pascalispunks-blog @skully-skeleton-bone0106

@peanutweanut @joelalorian @mssalmighty @mountainsandmayhem @zipp7201 @folkloreandfall @steadydragongalaxy @ceceliamariee @starrynight57-blog

@nahchiefimgood @i-love-taylor @hc-geralt-23 @hopelessromantic727 @casispunk @ctrlaltdel3te @drewharrisonwriter @teddyitalia @mexicanfolklore

@enchantingfireduck @thatwierdgirlmaddi-blog @art-estrange @amy

@chiefevelyn @niallsblckgirlfriend @unnecesarysstuff @horses1012ans @morgaussy @jellybeanxc @stxory @lavenderallergy8 @sj66 @spacecowgirl1111 @tupelomiss @hauntedpoetsdepartment @aromanticfever @regalwhovianbrowncoat774 @sweetperfectioncloud @honeymarvel @samarav @is-being-ignored-a-hobby @elliaze @kjo770 @amyispxnk

[factual-fantasy]

If you don't mind me asking, what kinds of things happened with the Octonauts fandom? I know that the fandom can get really weird, even as an average person in the fandom, but I imagine that it's way worse for you since you're such a big artist.

It's sad that certain people end up pushing away cool people who also enjoy the show and characters just because people are freaks and can't keep their hands off of a kids show :/ even if they're not gross about it, people are so weird and sometimes aggressive??? It's an animated show about animal characters that save other creatures and teach important life lessons!!! What even is there for these people to be weird about, anyway?

I hope you're doing okay, just in general!!! :D It seems that the Creator's Curse™ has hit quite literally ALL of my favorite content creators this year. You were the first of many to have health issues </3

I hope you get better soon!

The Octonauts fandom, while there was a lot of support and kindness within it, had also had a looooot of baggage..

For one, art theft. I have had mountains of people stealing and reposting my Octonauts artwork. Almost more than my FNAF stuff I would say..

There's also the art tracers. I've called out multiple people for blatantly tracing my art and they refused to stop or take down their posts. I'm sure they were young, but that doesn't make it any more tolerable or less annoying..

Also people snagging all my designs and head cannons. There have been several people who copied my redesigns for the Octonauts line for line. Also people snagging my AUs name for name. Tagging things as sea dwellers and saying their post was canon. Even claiming to have made the au themselves. Despite the fact my specific designs are in their post and the plots I wrote are in there..

But it doesn't stop there. I've been called transphobic for not head cannoning Calico Jack and Kwazii be trans. I've been called homophobic for not shipping Barnacles and Kwazii together, and for not shipping any of the Octodads together. I've been questioned several times why I don't want my Octonauts posts to be tagged ship.

Then there's the crab comic. Despite it being around 3 years since i dropped the comic, I still get people harassing me and calling me horrible things for not finishing it. I have explained again and again and again that I do not want to continue that comic. Yet people will wont leave me alone about it.

I've kept a lot of this behind the scenes. None of my followers need to see all that negativity, and I'm sure some of them were trolls.. So most of this has gone down in my ask box, DMs, etc.

So to sum it up, my boundaries have been pushed a lot in the Octonauts fandom. I set up the Octonauts master post because I knew I wouldn't' have to update it for quite a bit since I don't plan to return to the fandom for a while. But that only resulted in more crab comic asks and unwelcome/demanding drawing requests. Even today my boundaries are still being pushed.

So until something in the fandom changes, or I find a way to interact with the fandom that wont result in all these pushed boundaries.. I plan to just drop the fandom and leave it be. I'll still answer peoples polite questions about it, but all the artwork I make for it will be private.

As a last note, woof. Have other artists gotten sick too? I've really lost my sense of time but I'm told I've been batting this health crisis for around 7 months. It feels waaaay longer than that.. but I guess its just 7 months.. I hope the other artists you know aren't sick for that long-

My health hasn't really gotten much better.. in fact I've gotten a lot worse. But if it is what they say, its not at all life threatening. Just very uncomfortable and makes me go a little nuts being copped up in my room all day 💀 I'm still working on it and hoping I finally see some improvement. I'll let ya'll know when I start to finally improve. 🙏

[greensagephase]

I hate to make this post, but I must say something. This isn't me trying to be problematic, but I'm just like 🥴 -- it's rubbed me the wrong way.

I received an ask from a silent reader this morning concerning one of my fics, asking when the next chapter is dropping and that they'd like to see a specific thing included in it later on. I've decided not to answer it and I have deleted it to not put the person out there since they weren't anon.

The thing is, I've never seen this person support the fic even by liking the posts/chapters. I've discovered over the last few months that there's people who will read fanworks, but they never engage with the posts in any way, not even by doing the most basic thing you can do to support a writer: leaving a like.

That's fine. You don't have to like, comment, and/or reblog my works.

What's rubbed me the wrong way is that out of curiosity, I've checked this person's blog and see they have no issue engaging with other writers' works from various fandoms, including ATSV.

To the sender, I'm happy that you're supporting fellow writers because there's sooo many talented people on here and they deserve ALL the love and support!!!! And of course, it's your blog and you have a right to support what you want, but to see that you don't engage with my work even by leaving a like is weird when you seem to have no problem engaging with me in other ways, like asking me when the next chapter is dropping and telling me that you'd like to see a concept/trope included in my writing/fic.

Like, my pookie in Christ, the least you can do is leave a like if you're going to be doing things like that 🥴 this isn't me being mean but I hope you understand it feels a little like a slap in the face that you feel comfortable to ask/demand things when you can't take 2 seconds to even double tap my writing posts.

Now, you probably meant to send that anonymously, but forgot to and now we're here. Kindly, if you don't feel comfortable or encouraged to support my writing by even leaving a like for whatever reason you've decided not to, then please apply the same energy when it comes to asking/demanding things of me!🙂

Also, I seriously hope that you're not doing this to other writers anonymously because that's an icky thing to do.

As a friendly reminder, if you enjoy a fic whether it's a drabble, one-shot, or multipart series, or a writer's writing in general, pls let your writers know and support them. If you're not going to support us, at least be respectful.

So, reader, think about this and reflect on it. Have a good day/night.

Alondra❤️

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Yo! Good morning/evening, hope you are fine^^💝. I wanted to ask you a question but I was afraid that it may bother you or something (you know..that feeling when you are scared that you might disturb someone or being an unwelcome person) but yeah I will ask you since i was serious about your answer for some time now so I hope I'm not annoying you or something *feel free to answer only if you wish^^. You seem to know the characters pretty well, you are quite capable and great at reading and understanding them, one of the things I'm serious about is what do you think would make someone qualified enough to be with malleus? Do they have to be of the same species?certain Reputation, stature or traits?(sorry can't help it since I can't rest until I know everything about what interests me and figure it all out😅). Thanks for giving me some of your precious time I really like your blog, you're amazing💜

No worries, you’re not bothering me at all ^^ I love to talk about my hyperfixations www

Now, I know a lot of fans (particularly on the EN side) like to ship Malleus with their OC and especially with Yuu so I want to first make it clear that my response is NOT meant to invalidate those Malleus shippers. Whatever I say here is based on my own interpretation of canon lore (and let’s be real here, TWST won’t ever confirm if anyone is romantically interested in Yuu because it might not work with how some players view their own relationship with that character). In fanon, anyone can be with anyone, but in canon there are very specific in-universe rules and expectations laid out for Malleus so these are what I will be referring to.

I also want to emphasize that the final traits I discuss in this post do NOT reflect Malleus’s personal tastes or views. He has little say in what kind of an individual his spouse would be, so his own preferences are not speculated about or taken into account here. The traits I will be bringing up are based on what I believe the lore implies are the desirable traits for those marrying into the Draconia royal family.

We got it? Good 👍 Read more below the cut!!

Firstly, I’m completely disregarding the ideas of “Malleus can love whoever he wants to love”, “Malleus can scare people into accepting who he loves”, and/or “Malleus can change the law so he can marry who he loves” (a la Sultan from Aladdin or through some other Disney magic or logic). Here’s why:

In general, those solutions for “high stakes issues” are too simple, and that has never been how Twisted Wonderland tackles complicated problems. Just look at every single OB boy’s backstory. They’re so complex that they aren’t totally resolved by the end of their books; these problems persist and are long term things each of them are working on addressing. This is also true of the politics TWST introduces to us; Leona for example explains how there is social pushback and resistance to the idea of infrastructure reform because the culture of the Sunset Savanna stresses harmony with nature. This has made it difficult for them to adopt new technologies because real politicians in their world have to seriously weigh their cultural values with their health and societal progress. The only time there are really easy solutions are in events or vignettes where the emotional stakes are not super high, but who Malleus marries is, in fact, super important since this will entirely change the life of a main character and his country.

With that first bullet point in mind… No, Malleus cannot love whoever he wants to love. Certainly, he may feel affection for another but he can never truly be with them. He is royalty and the only heir to the throne of Briar Valley. It follows that he is expected to marry for political reasons/to better his nation. This is a non-negotiable obligation for him.

Rather than saying, “Malleus cannot scare people into accepting who he loves”, I think it’s more accurate to say Malleus knows he probably shouldn’t. I mean, yes, he may be upset about his S/O not being accepted by his people but I feel that is discrediting a lot of the loyalty he has for his own country. As a kid he may have thrown tantrums when he was upset and potentially harmed staff, but as a 178 year old he has a much better understanding of decorum and maintaining it in spite of his own grudges. For example, even though he personally dislikes Leona he still commands Sebek to apologize to him because, at the end of the day, this could harm Briar Valley’s relationship with the Sunset Savanna. That’s not to say that Malleus can’t be petty (he definitely is)—but implying he would be petty toward basically his entire country just because they would disapprove of the one he loves?? (We know this would likely be true because Sebek’s parents faced similar backlash when they got together.) I feel like his own sense of awareness and responsibility for his country, crown, and people would override that. As an example, Malleus states that he has never been in a car before because the senate would be against it and often kept Malleus in the castle. Someone of his power could easily ignore them and sneak out and do whatever he wanted, yet the dialogue implies Malleus didn’t. He obeyed his political advisors even when he was younger and arguably much more immature. Malleus might not like certain decisions made about his life but it sounds like he ultimately complies with them.

Continuing from the previous point, let’s say for the sake of argument that Malleus does scare everyone into line. What about his public image and the mental health of his S/O? Maybe Malleus can frighten people to not talk out of turn to his face, but he cannot control what people whisper about him behind closed doors or to treat his S/O well or like they actually like them. Not only would they be alienated (away from their own home and forced to adapt to a new one) but they’d be treated oddly by others too. What kind of reputation is that for Malleus? To be a tyrant king who throws a hissy fit anytime someone talks about his partner in a way he doesn’t approve of? With a spouse who is not at their best mentally because of the constant ostracization? (This is similar to what Leona experienced in his childhood.) I don’t think Malleus would want to subject anyone to that kind of life, especially not one he loves. And again, this attitude would be the vast majority of his people. It’s not like it can be avoided or resolved in an easy manner, especially when the people of Briar Valley have proven to be against change.

Lastly, Malleus would not change the law so he can be with whoever he wants to. To begin with, I doubt this is a unilateral position the senate would approve of. But okay, let’s accept that Malleus is royalty so his power overrides the advisors’ power. So he effectively just changed a law for a very selfish and personal reason rather than changing something to actually benefit his people. That doesn’t feel in-character for him, not when Malleus seems to understand that it is the duty of those in higher status to help those below them rather than themselves (see: Riddle’s Suitor Suit vignettes. Malleus has acted selfish before, yes (who remembers Endless Halloween Night? His Dorm Uniform vignettes? I do.)—but never at the cost of changing the status quo of his country. (Book 7 is not included here because he’s in a very distressed emotional state then; this “new law” scenario posits that Malleus is in a normal state of mind.) This is a major change—change which Briar Valley, its people, and most importantly, Malleus, are not ready for. You think there wouldn’t be social pushback against this? From a society that has become complacent with its own way of life and is still isolated from the rest of the world? That Malleus, someone who struggles greatly with accepting life changes himself, could enact such a big change so easily? (On a more technical level, you don’t just pass a law and it instantly becomes tangible or real, there is a process of approval and then implementation.)

Additionally, it’s made clear in Ghost Marriage that “[Malleus] cannot enter into an engagement lightly”, which is why Sebek goes in his place. Eliza, the Ghost Bride, is royalty (er, albeit dead) but it seems that royal status is not enough to qualify as his partner. Maybe this is because she’s dead and doesn’t have anything of value for Briar Valley (no land, no people, no political power), but it could also mean that the partner has to be given the thumbs up by other parties.

All that being said, here are some of the conditions I think would have to be met for Malleus’s future spouse:

Has to be someone of equal or at least high status. This means they also have to be a royal or at least of nobility. This appears to be true of Malleus’s dad, who is referred to as a duke.

Because of how self-contained Briar Valley is + nocturnal fae having beef with diurnal fae, I imagine his partner would have to also be a nocturnal fae. This would also solve the MASSIVE lifespan difference between fae and non-fae because at least fae would be far closer to each other even if their lifespans fluctuate but subspecies.

Someone suited to rule by his side. Being married into any royal family is no joke—it comes with the expectation that you will contribute somehow, and the partner should be fully equipped to enter the world of politics with him.

Piggybacking off the last point, I think mental fortitude is also a prerequisite. This is because being a politician (navigating the social climate both within your country and outside of it, keeping your people and colleagues happy, maintaining public approval, managing laws, dealing with potential attempts on your life, etc.) can be very stressful and can hurt those who are faint of heart or not prepared for the responsibility. Leaders have to make tough calls at the drop of a hat, and they have to be ready for it.

Has a lot to offer in terms of benefits to Briar Valley as a country. This could be in terms of resources, connections, and/or political savvy. This appears to be true of Malleus’s dad, who acted as a diplomat for Briar Valley.

Vetting and formal approval from the senate. lmao good luck with that

Has to be able and willing to have a child. They at least need an heir to the throne to succeed Malleus. (However, knowing how exclusionary and conservative as heck the senators are, I doubt they would accept anything but a biological child 💀)

Preferably someone with powerful magic or is skilled at magic already so as to lessen the chance of “tainting” the bloodline with a weak mage or a non-mage.

I believe that Briar Valley would prefer someone with old fashioned values like them, not someone pushing for massive reform. They have a culture that is resistant to change and a history of fighting for resources with outsiders, so if Malleus’s new spouse tries to introduce a bunch of technology or open its borders to other countries (even if they have good intentions), the people + the senate may oppose them. His father is implied to be open-minded, but he at least understood that such change isn’t reasonable without time and effort dedicated to the endeavor.

All that being said 💦 I think that this topic is actually less about what Malleus as an individual wants and what his country, his people, and, yes, even his asshole senators, want. This is basically an arranged marriage situation so that their country can maintain power and relevance. It’s about the collective and what Malleus must do for their perceived security and prosperity.

[sleepyhutcherson]

futturman comforting you headcannons

masterlist | requested by @futturmansgf (babe im sorry this is so late xx hope you enjoy!)

pairing: josh futturman x gn!reader

tags: comfort, fluff, angst, established relationship, best friends to lovers but it’s not really mentioned, mention of family issues (nothing specific stated), use of y/n.

author’s note: finally getting back to focusing on my requests! this is so rushed and not my best work for sure but i still hope it’s enjoyable <3 also not edited so excuse any mistakes!

First off, I 100% believe Josh is the type of boyfriend to tell you to call him whenever you need him—and he empathises how it could be three in the morning and if you call him he will pick up!

He’ll probably be up gaming, playing either Biotic Wars or something.

It doesn’t matter how into his game he is, the moment he sees your contact appear on his screen, he puts his controller down, mumbling a quick “hold on” to whoever he’s playing with before muting his mic.

“Hey, Y/N,” he’ll say through the line, his voice gentle. The moment he hears you sniffle and the sadness in your tone, his heart breaks. “Is everything okay, love?” He asks out of concern.

He picks up your call, you didn’t often call him this late so this must’ve been important. “Hey, Y/N, is everything okay?” He asks through the line, his voice gentle. He hears you sniffle and he can tell something is wrong (also because it’s not everyday that you call him this late.)

He listens to you explain what occurred, and before you can get too in detail he asks you if he can come over.

He listens to a brief explanation of what happened, you want to say more but you’re so overwhelmed with everything, and you’re partially scared you’re bothering him.

Josh knows you through and through, he has since you two were really young. So, he can sense you’re struggling and that you clearly want to say more so he doesn’t hesitate to ask you what he wants to, immediately blurting it out once you’re done speaking.

“What?” You ask, unsure if you heard him correctly.

“Can I come over?” He repeats, his tone gentle. You don’t know why but it surprises you—it surprises you that someone is willing to drive late at night just to hear you ramble about your problems.

You’re quite, no answer leaving your lips so quickly Josh says, “you—I don’t have to, er, if you—you don’t want me to but…” he trails off.

Truth is, he wants to hold you. He wants to be there for you physically if he can. If you’ll allow him to.

If you want, he’ll listen to you over the phone of course but he prefers to be there with you.

“Josh, it’s three in the morning…” you respond. This is not you saying no, though, you’re just still unsure if he wants to actually come over.

You hear him let out a soft chuckle. “I know, Y/N/N, but I really don’t mind. You clearly need someone right now.”

You agree and both of you hang up, Josh not even bothering to tell his friends (who were still on the game) bye, simply leaving the game.

Yes, Josh Futturman is the type of boyfriend to drive down to your house even if it’s three in the morning.

He doesn’t show up empty handed either, probably stops at some ‘open 24 hours’ shop to grab you some of your favourite snacks.

The moment you open the door, he moves forward to hug you. You were still crying, a little less but he could see your teary eyes and your stained cheeks.

With that, you both get cosy on the sofa in your living room, Josh patting his lap for you to lay your head so he can play with your hair while you tell him about your issues.

He listens the whole time, he doesn’t talk until your done.

He honestly can’t imagine what you’re going through, how your family has the capability to treat you like that. It pains him that you’re being treated so poorly by them.

He plants soft kisses on your head whenever you start crying, wiping your tears away.

When you’re done, he cups your face in his hands, gently wiping your tears away with his thumb. He looks into his eyes, his own glossy with probably tears. “I’m so sorry, love,” he frowns. He hates seeing you like this. He especially hates that your family’s causing this. “I know you’re struggling, I know I can’t take your pain away but I want you to know that you’re, like, the most important person to me. It might not mean much but I love you and I’m sorry your family hasn’t shown you that love but you are loved by me, okay?”

He always knows what to say in these situations.

He knows how to make you feel loved even in moments like these.

He peppers kisses over you face, even your tear stained cheeks, whispering “I love you”’s between each kiss.

Lastly, he’ll land at your lips, kissing you so softly and lovingly. He takes a moment between the kiss to tell you how perfect you are which makes you smile softly.

Your snacks that he brought over go ignored for now, Josh holding you in his arms until you fall asleep, finally at ease.

[loudclan-clangen]

Hey there!

Checking out Loudclan? That's great! Thanks so much!

Loudclan was originally planned to be drawn as I played the game like most other clangen blogs... Then I got frustrated about how slow it was moving and played ahead. Just a little bit, nothing to worry about, only about 1000 moons. So this blog should be running for A WHILE. I also take pretty big liberties with the designs and events. I think it's more interesting that way! Also it's been several real life months since I started playing and some things I just... forgot. Or lost. Either way, it's fun to stretch my creative skills.

As for the mechanics of the blog:

General Content Warnings Include:

Death, Animal Death, (Cat Death specifically), Death in Childbirth, Violence, Murder, Illness, Gore, Grooming, Abuse, Bad Parenting, Cheating, Affairs, Drama, Cursing, Language, Dirty Jokes, ECT. (if i missed something please let me know)

Updates are not going to be on a consistent schedule... ever. I'm a college student. I just don't have the time or energy.

The style is going to vary wildly. It's been years since I've consistently drawn cats and I wasn't ever really happy with the way I did it back then anyway. Come along for the ride with me! I'm just as surprised by what my hands create as you guys!

Overview:

Loudclan is set in a fictional location that is based on South Central Alaska. A group of rogues fled up the mountains to get away from the deep snows of the valleys at the beginning of a particularly harsh winter. The clan follows three "Leaders" in the form of the Leader, the Lead Healer, and the Lead Mediator. These leaders will each pass their position on to their oldest heir, the closest related member of their direct family. Issues regarding what happens when two cats have similar claims have yet to be sorted out by the clan, and may never be fully decided... *insert mysterious foreshadowing sounds*

If you are interested in more of a deep dive into the lore check out this post: Lore, or anything tagged #loudclanlore .

Want to see a list of all of the Loudclan cats? Go here: Allegiances.

Asks are welcome! I will do my best to answer them quickly and efficiently! I am happy to talk about characters, art, process, gameplay, pretty much anything. (I probably won't be showing sprites though, just because I've played ahead so far and a not insignificant amount of them are just... gone. Lost to the ether. Sacrificed so that my laptop could keep running the game.) All asks are tagged #loudclanasks .

Also fanart/writing/edits are more than welcome! You guys are so cool and talented and I am honored that you would want to make something based on my dumb little pixel cats. Referencing or imitating my style/designs/layout is absolutely allowed, just make sure to mention me so I don't miss them! All fan contributions are tagged #loudclanfan .

I will never complain about anyone "blowing up my notifications" or spam liking. I think it's so neat to see people go through the blog liking as they go. Don't worry about it. I enjoy seeing you enjoy my work!

A little bit about me, you can call me "D"! I use any pronouns, I'm pretty ambivalent about them but the majority of people use she/her for me and I'm fine with that. I'm 20, I live most of the time in Alaska and part time on a ranch in Texas and I'm working on my BA in Elementary Education. I started reading Warriors in 2nd Grade and stopped in 6th Grade but the brain worms never die. If you know me in real life no you don't: It took me all of high school to kill the furry allegations I'm not going through that again. Oh, and my main blog is @restinginpiecesofpizza but warning, there's spoilers for Owlstar's family tree for like 8 generations posted on there.

If you think Loudclan's cool and want to help me out consider checking out my RedBubble!

Anyway, thanks for checking out my blog! I hope you enjoy!

[dahliamalfoy97]

NEEDY - Muzan

MuzanxReader

A/N: probably not my best work, but I hope you enjoy it anyways!

Synopsis: Basically Y/N is feeling a bit needy and is a bit of a brat and Muzan is a sadistic bastard.

Warning: SMUT +18!! , MDNI, Yandere Muzan ! Explicit Content, daddy kink, monster kink, brat kink, degradation, masochism, slight dacryphilia, choking kink, spanking kink, manhandling, orgasm denial, overstimulation, penetration, oral sex, thigh riding, hair pulling, cockwarming, mentions of blood, and whatever else I forget to mention. Muzan is kind of mean but I mean it’s Muzan soo.

You were feeling Needy.

Your boyfriend Muzan was really focused on defeating the Demon Survey Corps and the upcoming war and you knew how important it was to him. You knew he was busy and you know he had specifically ordered you don't bother him while he was working. Usually you followed his orders but all he seemed to do is lock himself away in his lab. And it left you lonely.

Feeling needier than ever.

It had been weeks since you two had been intimate. And you were starting to forget what his touch had felt like. Sure you were a demon and life was unending. You had an infinite amount of time with him but 2 weeks seemed like forever this time around.

So probably making the worst decision of your life you dress yourself in a short red dress that hugged every curve and barely covered your ass. It was new one you had bought just for him. But he's been too busy to see it on you. You curled your hair and put on some makeup and made way to his lab.

You knocked softly.

"Who is there?" Muzan answers monotonously and you knew he was probably not even looking up at door.

"It's me, Muzan," you say.

Immediately the doors open, "I thought I've told you to not to bother me while I'm working, Y/N," you feel your heart drop because he hadn't even looked up at you and he called you by your name. Not doll, or princess.

"I know but, I barely see you anymore," you pout, creeping quietly towards where he sat in his chair with a vial in his hands. His crimson cat like eyes narrowed in pure concentration. " I miss you."

He sighs, "I know, Princess, but you know how important to this is."

" I get that but lately it seems more important than me," you can't help but hiss in dismay, leaning against his desk, admiring his breathtaking profile. You had missed him so your heart ached. As a demon naturally you didn't feel much emotions. But you burned and craved him like he was your own heartbeat.

His gaze flits to yours for a second, "I promise nothing is more important than you, but this is so we can be together without any issues. Remember?"

"Of course. And I want that future with you, but right now I need you right now."

"I'm busy, princess, I promise I'll make it up to you later."

But you're not giving up so easily, you begin prowling around him. Creeping behind him to massage his shoulders.

"Have you even eaten lately?" And he immediately relaxes under your touch. "When was the last time you slept?"

"I am a demon, I don't need those things."

Your hands curl around his tie, nibbling on his ear, he lets out a groan. His grip on the vial tightening.

"Well you can't continue to be the most powerful demon king if you're refusing to eat."

"I'll eat later," he growls. "Right now I need to finish this concoction-"

"Damn it, Muzan, you haven't even looked at me since I walked in here. I know this is important, but you can at least remember me from time to time," his hand grips yours tightly, pulling you in front of him. His crimson stare finally meeting yours,

"I can never forget you, Sweetheart."

You stick out your lower lip, "well it seems like you have. It's been 2 weeks since I've seen you, two weeks since you've touched me. And i know you've said not to bother you, but fuck Muzan, I need you. If you're going to ignore me than I can just go find Douma, I know he'll-"

The vial in his hand shatters, his veins strain against his pale skin, his hand grips your wrist and yanks you on to his lap. Your legs on dangling on both sides. You gasp at the sudden reaction.

"Don't even think about finishing that fucking sentence," he growls, those crimson eyes glaring into yours, his hands grip your waist tightly. "You're fucking mine, sweetheart, and I will kill that demon if he lays a finger on you."

Your core fluttered at his degrading words.

"Muzan, you've been ignoring me the last few weeks," you reply back. "You haven't even what I'm wearing right now and I've bought it for you."

His eyes finally do a fully take of what you're wearing, and his eyes darken, "you bought this for me," his fingers skim the satin material, "let me guess you're not wearing any panties are you?"

"Maybe, maybe I am. But you won't be able to find out if you continue to ignore me like you have been," you run your hands down his torso, feeling his muscles tense underneath you, running them all the way to where they brush along the noticeable bulge that's straining against the material of his slacks. You rub it teasingly, and grind yourself a little on his thigh. But he stops your movements with a firm grip around your waist, his jaw clenching.

You smirk, knowing he was pissed, "You mean to tell me you've been wandering around the castle without panties where anyone else but me can see you?"

"Well I mean you haven't been around to see me so really why does it matter?"

He growls, a deep guttural growl, it vibrates underneath you and you can't help but bite your lip, knowing this man was was mere seconds from unleashing the beast that slept underneath.

"You're really going to be a fucking brat? What have I fucking told you about wandering around the castle without your panties on? You know I don't want anyone else seeing what's mine."

You squeeze him tightly and his eyes flash a dangerous scarlet, "again, you haven't been around so why would I listen to you when you haven't even cared to come and see me? I've gotten lonely without you, Daddy and I have needs. But if you're not here to take care of me than I might as well go find someone else who will-"

His hand suddenly grips your throat, squeezing, "you're being a real brat, little one, you come and bother me after I've told you not to, then you decide to parade around in no panties, even when I've ordered you not to and then you decide to get mouthy. The fucking  nerve you have to speak to me like that,  looks like I need to punish you. Teach you some fucking manners."

"Fuck you," you spit in face, choking slightly in his tight trip.

Suddenly he's throwing you off of him, rage is in his eyes, shoving you to your knees.

"Fine. If you're going to be a bitch, then you can get on your fucking knees. And I'll treat you like one."

He unbuckles his pants letting them fall to the ground, his massive angry cock slaps against his stomach, the red and dripping with precum, your mouth waters as he takes the belt off and forces your hands behind you and binds them together, tightly. The leather digs into your wrists when you try to wiggle out of them.

"Open. Your. Fucking. Mouth," he demands, but he doesn't give a chance to do much as he's already gripping you by the hair, pulling you so that you're directly in front of him. His cock is right in your face. He looks down at you with a mocking grin. "Aww look at you, utterly helpless against what I'm about to do."

He grips his cock his hands, stroking it a little, before rubbing the tip up and down your awaiting lips. Smearing precum all over.

"You think you can talk to me however you please," he growls, slapping his dick on your face, continuing to taunt you with it. "Think again, slut. Did you forget who I am little one?"

Without any warning at all, he's forcing his cock into your mouth. Not giving you any chance to breath or adjust as it lodges all the way into your throat, your throat not nearly big enough to take all of him. For he was just too massive and this wasn't even him in his true demon form. You could feel every inch and vein humming against your throat, it was angry. You could feel the rage as he began to roughly slam into you. You choke immediately, but soon hollow your cheeks and breathe throw your nose so you can take him in as deep as possible. He grips your hair winding it tightly in his fists, pulling harshly against it while he abuses your mouth.

"That's it, that's much better, having you silent and gagging around my cock. Much better than that nasty attitude that comes out of it," he watches with twisted satisfaction as spit and precum begin to dribble out of your mouth. Your eyes watering as his tip hits your throat repeatedly. As he's fucking your throat, his form begins to change. His black curly hair turns into those  gorgeous snowy curls, the transformation causing his dress shirt to rip exposing his corded muscles and ribbons of red that laced around him. You whimper at the sight. He was magnificent and deadly at the same time.  "Yes, that's it, whimper for me, whimper at the sight of your King."

You wiggle against the belt that's keeping you from touching him. You so desperately wanting  to feel him underneath your finger tips.

As if he can read your mind, he laughs, "what you want to touch me? Hmm? I can't let you do that just yet. You have to be punished, sweetheart. You've been way too naughty. Way too defiant."

You protest, but his cock is keeping you from being able to speak, it- he was relentless against in your throat. He was no longer the soft man that he only was with you. No he was officially the devil, taking what he wanted from you. Using your for his sick pleasure. But you had missed it. You had missed the way he felt in your throat, the way he would pulse inside you, his warmth, his touch. His fucking attention. All of it which is why you had acted out. Your core was aching and you were rubbing your thighs together. The need becoming to great.

"are you making a mess down there?" Muzan mocks, eyes locked on your shifting thighs, never loosening his grip in your hair and relenting on his thrusts. "You've already caused me to break one of my vials. Because you couldn't be nice, you just had to go and talk back, and now I have to fucking start over on that one. What a greedy little slut."

Tears were streaming down your cheeks at this point, your jaw was starting to hurt, at being stretched out so widely and brutally, but you didn't care. You welcomed that pain. His thrusts start to become more erratic and you feel him growing, those veins becoming more prominent as his release was nearing.

"Now be a good little slut and swallow for your King," all you can do is hum, as hot liquid pours down your throat, you welcome the salty taste as it costs your tongue, sucking greedily not wanting to miss a single drop, as he slowly starts to pull out, he smirks as you swallow it all.  "Good girl.”

In rapid motion,  he's yanking you back up, he bunches up the skirt of your dress, eyes flaring at the sight of your bare cunt. He sits down on the chair and pulls you with him, he places you on one of the mouths that decorates his leg, and you immediately fall against his chest as the wet muscle flicks against your slit. Your hands are still behind your back, so you have nothing to grab you to stabilize you. He rocks you along his thigh, body is already convulsing as the mouth on his leg eats you out. Meanwhile, he's just leaning back, watching lazily as you fall apart.

"You're so sexy when you're writhing against me like this. I love how small body is compared to mine. So easy to manipulate how I want. So easy to just break."

Your arch into him, grinding desperately along that mouth. As it cruelly sucks on your clit and draws circles, you're a whimpering mess. He laughs taking your tits in his massive hands, and latches his mouth one of them, swirling his tongue around your nipple, then he switches to the other one.

"Fuck Muzan,” you cry, and he bites down on one of your nipples causing you to scream.

"Wrong name, slut," but you can't hurl a sassy remake back, for the coil in you snaps,  causing your legs to shake and you to clamp around the mouth as your orgasm crashes through you.

"Daddy," you whimper, "again."

Once again, he laughs, "you don't get to tell me what to do, I'll do to you what I want. And you're just going to have to take whatever it is I give you."

Suddenly, he’s manhandling so you’re pinned to the table with your front side facing the table, he adjusts your stance your legs so their stretched wide. He grips you neck, pulling you in for a kiss, pulling you against him so your entire backside is pressing against his front side. He pushes your head down. He skims a hand along your ass before bringing it down in a hard slap. You jump, crying at the sting. But you could feel your arousal dripping.

"You think you can be a brat and get away with it?" He says before bringing his hand down again. "Think again," he smooths his hand along the sting before bringing it down again. Tears stream down your face, at the burning sensation. It stung. But it felt oh so good. His fingers cup your pussy lips, allowing your wetness to pool in his fingers before bringing them to your mouth and shoving them down your throat. He pulls them out and spanks you again.

"Fuck, Daddy, feels good," you cry.

He just laughs, "of course it does. Because it comes from me. Your pleasure comes from me, remember that before you get smart with me." Then he gets down on his knees behind you, his face inches away from your cunt, he grips your thighs before leaning in and giving you a slow lick. You quiver at the feeling of his hot tongue lazily licking your cunt. He continues this slow torturous pattern, lazy circles. Flicking it up and down. Sucking, biting, energyrhing he did was slow. Driving you on the brink of the edge, you were still sensitive from your previous high. You desperately wiggle yourself against him, trying to get him deeper. But his tentacles stop you from doing so, as they slither like vines around your legs, limiting movement. Like a predator finally going in for the kill, Muzan begins devouring you, body wracks in shivers at the overwhelming pleasure. As You could feel yourself getting closer to your peak, his tongue swiftly pulls out. And you glare at him for denying you of your orgasm.

"Muzan-"

SMACK!

"Still haven't learned to address me properly I see, if you're going to continue doing this bratty routine, then I'll continue denying you of what you really. But if you can be a girl good and be obedient for once, then I'll give you what you want. But you have to be a good girl for me."

"Please, Daddy," you beg, "please let me cum, I'll be a good girl, I promise."

"Really? Or are you just saying so to get what you want?" He slaps your cunt, before sinking two long inside and starts to finger fucking you, your gummy walls clamping. "Fuck, are you really this tight? Has it really been this long since I've fucked you?"

"That's what I've been tried to tell you, but you haven't been listening to me,"

He clamps his free hand around your mouth, as his other one deliciously continues thrusting in and out, "you really need to learn to shut that mouth of yours." You sink your fangs into his hand, causing him to growl, "little bitch," you smirk at the metallic as he lets go of your mouth and slaps your ass again. His fingers still deep inside, never relenting. You could feel your orgasm building again, and you selfishly grind again his fingers.

"Please, Daddy," you pester again him sweetly, with puppy eyes, “let me cum."

"I don’t think so, sweetheart, you’ve been nothing but a brat,” he purrs, “I don’t think you’ve earned it yet.”

You’re practically sobbing at this point as he alternates between slow and fast thrusts, once you’re orgasm would build and you’re walls began to clench, he’d stop and start over. You were shaking at this point, aching with the need to cum. But he was cruel and relentless. But you loved it and this is what you had been wanting when you sought him out. The reason why you misbehaved. You wanted him to treat you like this.

“I don’t know why you have to torture yourself,” he coos in fake sweet voice, “all you have to do is apologize. Apologize , and I’ll give you want you want.”

One of his tentacles curl around your stomach down to your clit and begins sucking on it, and you’re wailing at this point. The pleasure is too much. Too much to bear. Sobs wreck through your body, you’re legs are barely holding you up. No it’s Muzan that’s keeping you from falling apart.

“I- im sorry Daddy,” you blubber, “I’m sorry for being a brat. I just missed you and wanted your attention. I- I was feeling lonely.”

He’s eating this up like a smug bastard, “now that wasn’t so hard was it?”

You’re so so close, but right when you’re about to cum, he pulls out fingers entirely.

“DADDY,” you whine.

“Shut the fuck up,” suddenly your walls are being breached, and his cock is slamming in. No warning, or adjusting, he was selfish with how he took you, cruel-violent. The table was creaking. “Fuck, I’ve missed your pussy so much.”

“Your fault,” you snap, only to earn a slap.

His tentacles shove themselves inside your mouth. Your being impaled by his enormous cock and being gouged by his tentacles. The monster had officially ensnared you in its wrath. Destroying your body as it pleased.

“You really don’t know how to talk to me nicely,” he growls. “But perhaps this was your intention huh? Because you get off on being punished don’t you? You love the pain I give you. All you had to do was wait and be patient, but no, you had to be a selfish little brat.”

Soon he’s releasing into you before you have chance to orgasm yourself, he pulls out of you- his tentacles retracting. Hastily spins around, picks you up so you’re lying against the table, before spreading your legs again, and re-enters you again, making you feel every ridge of his monstrous cock as he split you open, deeply and slowly. Slowly, bringing you to another orgasm. The outlines of his cock could be seen in your stomach, and you moaned at the sight. His hands grip your waist, you’re gripping his arms that are incasing you, your nails digging into his skin. His scarlet orbs never leaving yours as he fucks you.

“You’re being such a good girl now, so quiet and obedient. Look how well you take my cock,” he growls softly, “this pussy is made to take my cock and mine only. Not Douma’s, so I don’t want to hear that bastard’s name come out of your lips again, understood?”

“Yes, Daddy,” you nod tiredly, you could feel yourself slipping into your headspace, as you could feel your walls tightening around his cock again. You knew you were close again, the ache was becoming too much, “you know I love only you. I just was missing you and miss how good you make me feel.”

“I know Princess. And I’m sorry for making you feel forgotten, but I promise I have not. I’ve just been super stressed,” his strokes become slower, deeper, his grunts were becoming more labored you knew he was close too. “This war isn’t going to be easy.“

“I know and I’ve been extra needy - I’m afraid of losing you,” you whisper softly, reaching up with one of your hands to caress his face, loving the way he leans into your touch.

He leans down in between thrusts, capturing your lips in a soft-yet demanding kiss, you moan when his tongue brushes against yours. “You won’t lose me, I promise, my love,” he says in between kisses. “You’ve been so good for me, go ahead and cum for me, sweetheart.”

finally you do, like a big crashing wave, your legs shake as you finally are able to let go, spraying Muzan and he growls in pride.

“That’s it, make a mess for me.”

Not long after he’s releasing into you. Once he’s filled you to brim with his hot seed, he pulls out watching as it gushes out with a satisfied hum. He starts to change back into his human form, but you shake you’re head.

“No stay like this, I love your true demon form.”

“Anything for you, Sweetheart,” then he’s lifting you his arms, and sits down with you in his lap. He settles you so you’re straddling him, and lines his tip with your entrance guiding it through your folds once more. “Now be a good girl and warm my cock for me while I continue my work.”

[wambsgansshoelaces]

okay so last night i had this horrible bad bad bad no good panic/anxiety attack and like . i went through IT . was really bad , shaking so hard my teeth clattered , barely breathing , etc . so maybe could I get succession characters helping a so who has a panic/anxiety attack and grounding them? tysm 💐

~ 🦈

I’m really sorry that happened to you anon :( I hope you’re feeling much much better now!!! If you ever need to talk, you got me <3 I love u thank u for requesting, enjoy xx

panic attack (succession main cast)

Kendall

ᝰ he’s obviously had his fair share of panic attacks

ᝰ while he’s not really sure what’ll work for you specifically, he does his best to do things he wishes people did for him when he’d have attacks

ᝰ he has a few tricks up his sleeve, anyway

ᝰ when he first realizes you’re having one, he gets an ice cube

ᝰ and tells you to put it in your mouth and just leave it there

ᝰ “it helps your brain distract itself from its own meltdown,” he tells you softly

ᝰ all the while stroking your hair, your cheeks, your brow, whatever he can tell soothes you the most

ᝰ you suck on the ice cube until it melts

ᝰ and surprisingly enough, you’ve calmed down

ᝰ yes you’re still extremely anxious, but your breathing’s been regulated, your heart rate back to normal

ᝰ kendall coaxes you into a cuddle on the couch

ᝰhis fingers run through your hair over and over

ᝰ he’s just trying to bring you down from that bad high

ᝰ and he’s doing well

ᝰ he murmurs soft words to you

ᝰ and tries to get to the root of the issue

ᝰ “what caused all this, do you know?”

ᝰ you don’t have an answer

ᝰ but that’s okay

ᝰ he’ll take care of you regardless

ᝰ because you mean the world to him

ᝰ and if he can do anything to make you happy, he’ll do it

ᝰ you make him the happiest man to walk the earth

Roman

ᝰ is also a panic attack veteran

ᝰ kind of freezes the first time you have one in front of him

ᝰ but he snaps out of it immediately

ᝰ makes you lay down in bed while he runs to the bathroom

ᝰ he comes back with a cool washcloth and slaps it onto your face

ᝰ “roman!”

ᝰ “sorry, i didn’t think it’d go so hard!”

ᝰ you laugh

ᝰ but like you’re still having a panic attack

ᝰ he’s sat next to you, and rubs gentle circles into your cheeks and forehead with the washcloth

ᝰ the cool water helps soothe you as it seeps into your skin

ᝰ you calm down

ᝰ you’ve exhausted yourself

ᝰ once roman’s sure you’re not stressing the fuck out, he takes the washcloth and sets it on his side table

ᝰ he lays down with you and pulls you close to him

ᝰ “i’m tired, and i won’t be able to sleep unless you take a nap with me,” he states

ᝰ he sets your head on his chest

ᝰ and peppers kisses over your scalp

ᝰ he’s not even a little bit tired

ᝰ he just wants you to sleep and reset

ᝰ cheek smushed into his pec, you doze off

ᝰ he’s so happy, just having you here with him

ᝰ you’re safe when you’re with him

ᝰ and he’s safe when he’s with you

ᝰ he’s so warm and cuddly with you

ᝰ and you love it

Shiv

ᝰ if she’s ever had a panic attack, she’s never let you see it

ᝰ or anyone

ᝰ but when you have one in front of her, she can’t just let it happen

ᝰ she takes your face in her hands and makes you breathe

ᝰ “you’re going to do it just like me, okay?” she asks softly, eyes searching yours

ᝰ helps you box breathe

ᝰ “four cycles, babe, come on,” she encourages

ᝰ in four, hold four, out four, hold four

ᝰ “that’s it. you’re doing so well,” she coos

ᝰ within minutes she has you back to normal

ᝰ you don’t say anything, just hug her tight with your chin set on her shoulder

ᝰ “wanna talk about it?” she asks

ᝰ she’s there whether you do or you don’t

ᝰ if you do, she sits, she listens, and she does her absolute best to help

ᝰ and even if she can’t solve the issue itself, she’ll do everything in her power to make you feel better

ᝰ she goes out a bit later, not telling you where she’s going

ᝰ she returns with a banana split from dairy queen

ᝰ you share it, you perched on the kitchen counter, her standing in front of you

ᝰ your legs tangle together as you eat

ᝰ you end up getting a bit of whipped cream on the corner of your mouth

ᝰ“you’re so messy,” she says lightheartedly

ᝰ“what? look who’s talking,” you say back, wiping ice cream from her chin

ᝰ“i don’t know how that got there,” she mutters

ᝰ she lets you have the cherry

ᝰ she knows you love it

ᝰ but she loves it too

ᝰ so she kisses you, savoring the taste of the cherry

ᝰ but mostly just the taste of you

Tom

ᝰ well read wambsgans strikes again

ᝰ he realizes you have a panic attack oncoming and sits you down in a chair

ᝰ he keeps a hand on your shoulder and quietly talks you through it

ᝰ when your breathing begins to get erratic, he begins asking you questions so that you ground yourself

ᝰ “can you name three objects you can see in the kitchen?”

ᝰ “i, ah, the blender, the, um, coffee machine, and that stupid looking mug of yours,” you manage, referring to his ‘world’s best grandma’ mug he’d gotten in a white elephant thing at work

ᝰ “there you are. how about three things you smell?”

ᝰ he’s smiling softly at you, hand now pushing back hair from your face

ᝰ you inhale deeply, grounding yourself

ᝰ just as he’d intended

ᝰ “your cologne… i still kind of smell dinner? and…”

ᝰ at a loss, you lean forward and sniff

ᝰ “…laundry detergent,” you say after giving his shirt a sniff

ᝰ “you’re a cheater,” he says, despite his smile

ᝰ “oh, well,” you reply, smiling up at him

ᝰ he kisses your forehead

ᝰ “want to move to bed?” he asks

ᝰ “please.”

ᝰ before you know it, the two of you are curled together, the blankets and duvets bringing you comfort

ᝰ he brings you comfort

ᝰ he’s scratching gently at the nape of your neck, your head pressed into the crook of his

ᝰ you press lazy kisses to the skin under your mouth

ᝰ you fall asleep, a tangle of limbs, the sheets warm with affection

Greg

ᝰ lowkey is also having a panic attack

ᝰ but not really

ᝰ he pulls himself together for you

ᝰ he’s not really sure what to do

ᝰ so he googles it

ᝰ “hey, hey. close your eyes, and, uh, i’ll count to five, and you’ll breathe in through your nose, okay?”

ᝰ not really sure what this’ll do for you, but trusting him, you oblige him

ᝰ “exhale through your mouth, now.”

ᝰ after a few cycles, you’re feeling a bit better

ᝰ you’re still anxious, but it’s not suffocating you anymore

ᝰ “go sit, i’ll get ice cream,” he tells you

ᝰ when he comes back to sit next to you on the couch, he has a pint of your favorite ice cream in his hands and two spoons

ᝰ his arm goes around you and gives your shoulder a gentle squeeze

ᝰ the two of you end up finishing the pint

ᝰ he talks about everything to take your mind off of whatever it was that was stressing you out

ᝰ eventually, your brow isn’t furrowed, your features aren’t tense

ᝰ he kisses your cheeks

ᝰ “are you feeling good? better, at least?”

ᝰ you are

ᝰ you’re finally at peace again

ᝰ you spend the rest of the night watching a favorite show of greg’s

ᝰ you love sitting there listening to him talk about why he enjoys it so much

ᝰ he tells you that he’ll enjoy it better when you watch it with him

ᝰ because the first time around, all he could think of was you and whether you would like it

ᝰ you’re all that’s on his mind

ᝰ ever

Stewy

ᝰ this man is a masterclass in calm

ᝰ “hey, baby, take a breath,” he tells you, one hand brace on your stomach, the other on the small of your back

ᝰ when you clearly do not take a good breath, he changes tactics

ᝰ the hand on your stomach moves to take your own hand

ᝰ the one on your back begins rubbing in circles

ᝰ “i really want to go on a walk,” he tells you, “and i really, really, want you to come with me.”

ᝰ you know he’s lying

ᝰ but you go with him anyway

ᝰ the fresh air helps you

ᝰ and just moving around helps clear your head

ᝰ eventually, you’ve calmed down a bit

ᝰ your breath is still stuttering and tears are welling in your eyes

ᝰ stewy still has your fingers intertwined with his

ᝰ his eyes never leave your face

ᝰ he reaches over and thumbs away your tears

ᝰ “you know, i think we’re on time to watch the sun set,” he tells you, eyes twinkling

ᝰ you end up at a nearby park

ᝰ he pulls you onto a bench overlooking empty meadows

ᝰ his arm loops around you and he lets you lean against him

ᝰ your arms wind around his wast, your fingers fiddling with his belt loop

ᝰ he dots kisses all over your head as the sky melts into pinks and oranges

ᝰ “so gorgeous,” you whisper, the colors blending and swirling together before your eyes

ᝰ “not as much as you,” he murmurs back

ᝰ “cheese ball,” you say happily

ᝰ “you know you love me.”

ᝰ “i do. very much.”

[lil-frenchfri77]

Begin Again Chapter 3

Summary: Ever since Bella came back to Forks things between y/n and her boys have been different. Embry and Quil stopped answering phone calls and texts, they’ve even been avoiding her everytime she shows up at their house. So y/n does the only thing she can think to do, she latches onto Jacob just like Bella, and when he starts acting like Embry and Quil did, she makes the decision to not put so much effort into a friendship that is clearly one sided. But what happens one day when Sam’s pack is in town at the same time as y/n and her new friends and two certain boys imprint on their former best friend? And what happens when a former best friend doesn’t feel the same way?

Authors note: Ahhhhh!!!! Chapter 3 is finally here. So sorry about the wait, I've been dealing with job issues and have been too exhausted to write anything. Anyways here it is, hope everyone likes it. Also that you to everyone who has like, commented, and/or reposted my work. I never expected to get this much attention and I am absolutely blown away.

(Still not Beta read)

Also shout out to my cousin Jehna for telling me that this was good enough to post!

Embry Call x Fem!Swan!Reader x Quil Ateara

Slight Stiles Stlinski x Reader

Chapter 2 | Master list | Chapter 4

Lunch with Stiles was really good. He had you cracking up the whole time, and all of his attention was solely focused on you. The incident from earlier, long forgotten from both of your minds. 

This definitely was one of the best days you have had lately. It was good to feel like someone only wanted to be with you. You hadn't felt like this in a long time and you liked all the attention you were getting from him. 

Your conversation was interrupted by the ringing of a phone. Both of you pulled your phone out to check who was calling. It was your phone ringing and it was your dad on the other line. You excused yourself from the table to take the call. 

“Hey dad, what’s up?” You answered.

“Hey sweetheart, where are you?” 

“I'm at the diner with Stiles, why? Is something wrong?” you had told your dad that you were going to be out shopping but not that you were going to eat lunch, so it made sense that he was calling to check in. 

“No, everything is alright. I was just wondering where you are. You’ve been out longer than I expected, but since you're already eating lunch I just wanted to know what you want for dinner? Or if you’ll be home for dinner?” He explained himself. You knew he didn't want to seem like the overbearing dad who needed to know your specific location 24/7. But he was a cop so it was in his nature to want to know where you are.

“I should be home for dinner, but I don't really know right now. I can call you later once me and Stiles are done eating.” The offer was the best you could do right now. Your dad seemed pleased with this and bid you a farewell before hanging up. 

You walked back into the diner to see Stiles sitting on his phone texting someone. You snuck up behind him and placed your hands over his eyes, leaded down by his ear and whispered “Guess who?” 

He laughed and hummed, reaching up to grab your wrists. “Ummmmm, is it Scott?” 

“Oooo, so close.” You pulled your hands away from his eyes and sat back down in front of him. “It’s just me. No Scott.” 

“Awe man, I really thought you were Scott.” 

“Well I can go get your boyfriend if you’d like?” You teased him. Smiling when his face scrunched up at the mention of Scott being his boyfriend. 

“Ew don't even joke about that.” Stiles fake wretched onto the table, “Honestly though, you wouldn't even be the first person to say that to either of us.” 

It was odd, the unbridled joy you got from teasing Stiles. He didn't seem to have an issue with it either and oftentimes added onto it. But there was always something missing. You didn't realize it until now, after seeing Embry and Quil again old feelings have begun to resurface. 

You weren't going to let this dampen your mood though. The time you spent with Stiles was time you were going to cherish. No matter how you felt about Embry and Quil. 

You and Stiles didn’t make it home until a few hours later. It was around 6pm when you walked through your front door, Stiles in tow with his arms full of your shopping bags. After lunch you two decided to go back into town and buy a few more things. A few things then turned into 20 things which then turned into too many to count and Stiles had to pull you away and back to your car. 

The whole way to your house he was making fun of you and the fact that you couldn’t stop buying things that were “pretty and would go so well with this outfit”. There was nothing you could do but sit there and take it. Laughing along with him even though it was at your own expense. 

When you two made it into the door you were greeted by your dad and Bella sitting on the couch. They turned around to look at you, four eyes widening as they caught sight of all the bags in your hands. You give them a sheepish smile as Stiles sets down the bags in his hands. He waved at your sister and gave a nervous smile to your dad. 

“Hi, Mr. Swan. Sorry for keeping y/n out for so long. I tried to pull her away a few times but she kept seeing something that caught her eye. I think it took about 7 tries to get her to stop buying things and get her into the car.” Stiles huffs out a laugh as he relays too much information to your dad. 

You elbow him in the side and give him a look that says, ‘dude? Really?’ while slightly shaking your tilted head at him. Your dad knew you had a shopping problem sometimes, but that didn't mean he needed to hear more about it. It was kind of embarrassing that you couldn’t control yourself occasionally. 

“It’s alright, I think we all know that trying to get y/n to stop shopping isn’t possible.” Charlie laughed along. He had only met Stiles a few times but he liked that he was getting you out of your shell again. “But I reckon it’s time for you to head home. I’m sure your dad wants you home now.” 

“Yea, of course.” Stiles turns to look at you, “so, i'll see you at school on Monday?” 

“Obviously. I’ll walk you to your car.” You and Stiles head out to his Jeep. You stop on the driver's side and he leans an arm against the car as he stares at you. “So, are you just going to stand there or are you going to kiss me?” 

He smiled wide before leaning his head in and placing a soft kiss on your lips. It was amazing, until you came to grips with the fact that this isn’t how you imagined your first kiss at all. He wasn’t the person you always thought you would kiss for the first time. And now you couldn’t stop thinking about kissing Embry or Quil. As much as you wanted the thoughts out of your head you couldn't shake them. 

You pulled away with a small smile on your face, masking your newfound epiphany. This understanding of your emotions was something you would need to keep to yourself so you could fully understand it before doing anything. 

His ears lit up a light pink as he pulled back and opened his door. He whispered a small goodbye and got into the car, shutting the door, and driving off. 

You walked back into your house to see your dad and Bella still looking at you. “What?” you asked defensively, turning to grab all your bags and take them to your room. 

“Nothing, you just seem happy. Happier than you have in a while.” your dad spoke up. Bella hummed in agreement, watching you with an odd look on her face. Like she could almost sense your inner turmoil. 

“I am.” It was a definitive answer. It couldn't be argued with and that's how you wanted to keep it 

The next morning, you woke to texts from Stiles and Jacob. Stiles was talking about how he liked kissing you and he wanted to talk to you about how you felt. Jacob was asking if you were still coming with him to the movies with Bella and Mike.

You chose not to answer Stiles yet, you didn't know exactly what you would say anyways. So you figured no response was better than a half-assed excuse as to why you couldn't talk right now. You still didn't know how you felt about it. 

The only answer you could give Jacob was a simple yes. Letting him know that you would still be going with them. He hadn't told you what you were going to see yet so you figured you might as well wait until you get to the theater to know. 

You didn't have anything planned for the day until then so you just lounged around in your room. Not feeling like getting up and going downstairs. 

Time passed by quicker than you thought it would and before you knew it it was 6pm and you needed to start getting dressed. You threw on whatever was the closest and comfiest looking, grabbed your purse and headed out of your room to go see if Bella was ready. She was already set and waiting for you on the couch when you came down. 

The two walked out of your house, Bella sending a quick text to your dad that said you were going to be going to a movie, and headed to your cars. It had been decided that you were going to go pick Jacob up and Bella is going to head over to the theater and meet up with Mike. 

Driving to get Jacob was peaceful. The sun was just starting to set over the trees, casting a gorgeous orangish-pink glow over everything. It didn't take very long to get to Jake’s house and when you arrived you supposed it would be quicker to just honk your horn at his house than to get out, knock on the door, wait for him to come out, and then both of you get back into your car.

What you weren't expecting was for his front door to come wildly swinging open with Jacob stomping out, an angry/irritated expression on his face. He seemed to be raising his voice in response to whatever was being said to him from inside. It was even more shocking when Embry and Quil came rushing out after Jacob, pleading looks on their faces as they seemed to be begging Jacob for something. 

They stopped in their tracks as they caught sight of you through the windshield of your car. You were faintly able to hear Jacob say something along the lines of “want anything to do with you right now”. He ended what he was saying by ripping the passenger door open and slamming it shut. 

You turned to face him with a worried expression, he refused to even glance back in your direction, so you took that as your sign to back out of his driveway and take off down the road. Leaving two crestfallen boys on Jacob's porch, slowly shrinking in your rearview mirror. 

The journey to the theater was taken in silence, you didn't want to push Jacob any more than the boys already had. So you let him sit there and talk when he was ready. Which didn't look as if it was going to happen until you pulled your car into a parking spot and shut off the engine. 

Just as you were about to open your door and get out Jacob spoke up for the first time. 

“They were asking me about you.” He said, and you were absolutely dumbfounded. “When I told them that if they wanted to know anything about you then they had to ask you, they started begging me to tell them things. They wouldn't take no for an answer.” 

“Oh.” it sounded dumb but it was the only thing you could think to say. You mean, how were you supposed to react to that? It's been almost three and a half months since they had last spoken to you.

“I got so angry. I've never been that mad before. It’s like I was a different person when I yelled at them before I got in the car.” He seemed so sad about it now. Like he truly hadn’t meant to snap at them like that. 

“Jake, I know that they were your best friends once too. I’m sorry that you had to do that on my behalf. But thank you. I understand that you feel bad, but it’s really amazing knowing that you stuck up for me like that.” You reached a hand over and gripped one of his. You didn't want to make him feel worse but you really did want him to know that you were grateful. Just as you were going to retract your hand from his, he grasped your fingers in an iron tight hold. 

The two of you just relaxed there for a little bit, sitting in each other's company. Eventually he drew his hand away and opened his door, rushing around the car to open your door. 

The absolute tension radiating off of Bella, Jacob, and Mike in the theater was so palpable you could cut it with a butter knife. So when Bella got up to leave early you didn't protest and followed right after her. Everyone had been acting weird but Jacob especially. When you all made it back out to the theater foyer Mike looks like he is about to puke. 

Jacob, for some reason starts to act super hostile towards Mike and almost decides to hurt him. You are able to get him to calm down enough to notice the sheen of sweat covering his face and neck. Reaching a hand up to his forehead, you can physically feel how warm he is. It’s a miracle that he’s even able to stand. 

“Hey, he’s burning up. I’m just going to take him home.” you announced to the other two. Before anyone else could even get a word in, you're dragging Jacob out of the theater behind you. Stuffing him into the car and zooming down the road to get him back to his dad.

[cerosin-bis]

Hello Cerosin :]

I have several questions, if I may.

1. How are you?

2. Has Nikto always been bad at taking care of himself or is that a result of the torture?

3. how does Krueger handle rejection, if he's interested in someone?

4. In your fic "Anger Management" (btw I love both your arts and writings!) Nikto hugged Krueger tight, before Krueger fucked him. It says "it's conflicting for Nikto" what does that mean? Would Nikto like to have a normal relationship with someone? Like, does he want/need a certain tenderness but knows Krueger probably isn't able to show it?

Thank you for your time and all your great works for this ship! It literally wouldn't exist without you and I mean it in a good way!

Have a good one and be safe :]c

Hi hello! 1. I'm doing mostly fine! Thank you for asking 🥺 I hope you're well, anon!

2. I think Nikto never really practiced "self-care" due to both his education (or lack thereof...) and his personality. However it's noticeably worse since his torture and the development of his mental illnesses/conditions because he now barely even thinks of basic human needs.

3. Good question. I think he'd be very frustrated because it's RARE, but be able to move on very quickly. Orrrr he would try extra hard (which ultimately does succeed but at very high costs with dire consequences. this would have happened with Nikto, but didn't need to because these two were doused in gasoline to begin with imo.)

4th answer regarding Nikto, Krueger and intimacy under the cut bc this got long.

(And thank you so much. I don't want to be presumptous as to say I ~invented~ the ship because there were like 3 fics when I posted Remanence already, but feeling like I was able to set its foundations in art and then consistently over the past years is unbelievable when I see where it is today.)

4. Thank you so much for letting me know you like both my art and my fics!! I feel like I never say it enough, I'm incredibly grateful people are reading all the shit I put out, let alone let me know they liked it. 😭

So, in my headcanon, Nikto craves intimacy in very very short and specific "windows", but he has a conflicted relationship with it as a concept.

Krueger can display tenderness/intimacy without a second thought if he knows it's needed by the context (and this is one), but his affectivity is abnormally... dulled? if I may say. Krueger's emotions are genuine... but extremely dampened. So it suits Nikto, because it's "as if" there were no feelings (there are. but it's beyond gestures, it's whatever they have. the codependency and violent devotion, the wordless communication... Tenderness is a rare occurrence in this whole frame - an occurrence that Nikto likes, but would rather not acknowledge, if this makes any sense.

In my headcanon, again, Nikto wouldn't be able to have a normal relationship with anyone. Normalcy repels and scares him, and even if it wasn't the case... Without extensive therapy, which he will likely never want to get, he has too many issues regarding emotions, attachment, jealousy and violence. (I want to stress this again, this is just my specific and personal hc of the character)

[luvhughes43]

toothless | jack hughes x reader

luvhughes43 masterlist🌷

request: can you write an imagine where jack comes home after he lost his tooth and he's worried that the reader will think badlyof him/think he's ugly, but she actually thinks it cute and adorable? please? (also, i LOVE your writing) 🫶🫶

word count: 0.7k

you noticed something was off with jack ever since he lost his tooth. he wasn’t smiling as much, and he was covering his mouth with his hand whenever he ate. at first you chalked it up to him just being a little insecure about it, but when he’d barely look at you when you two were alone you got concerned.

you walked into your shared bedroom where jack was laying in bed. the lights were off, and you didn’t turn them on as laid in bed beside your boyfriend.

“jack?” you questioned, wanting to get to the bottom of this new issue. 

he hummed in response, letting you know he heard you.

“are you okay?” you asked simply, turning over on your side so you could face him in the dark. he was laid with his back to you though, so you tapped him lightly on the shoulder to get him to turn around. 

jack sighed and turned around to face you. you couldn’t really see him because of the darkness, but it was nice not talking to his back. 

“i’m fine,” was all he said and it was your turn to sigh.

“is it about your tooth?” you prompted, hoping he would finally open up to you.

“imjustworriedyoullthinkimugly” he rushed his words.

“what? speak slower” you responded.

he fiddled with your guys’ blanket before finally answering, “i’m worried that you’ll think i’m ugly” 

you were stunned for a minute. jack was always so confident in his playing and in his looks. in all of your time of knowing jack you’ve never seen him be insecure about something.

“i would never think you're ugly,” you said with concern etched in your voice. you sat up in bed, reaching over to turn your lamp on so you could properly see jacks face. 

jack said nothing in reply, just looking at you. “jack seriously, if anything i think you look really adorable! even if you won’t let me get a good look at you,” you tried to tease him to make him feel a little better but you stopped at the sight of tears lining his eyes. “oh baby,” you whispered, reaching one of your hands down to cup one of jacks cheeks.

 jack sat up so he was level with you, “it’s just not the same” he said, a few tears slipping down his face. you leaned over, hugging him with one hand and petting his hair with the other. 

“what are you upset about specifically? my reaction to your tooth or that it’s gone in general” you asked, slightly pulling away from jack so you could see his face.

“both,” he admitted, rubbing at his eyes with both hands. “i don’t know why i’m crying about it either” he admitted but more tears came.

“hey, its okay” you reassured him, rubbing his back to try and soothe him. “i really think you look cute, and i still definitely love you. plus, you can always get your tooth fixed. there’s nothing to worry about everythings going to work itself out”

there was a brief silence before jack spoke back up again, “you only think i’m cute?” jack questioned, chuckling slightly as he again wiped at his eyes.

“i do think you're cute but you can take your shirt off and…” you trailed off when you heard jacks tearful laugh. he leaned over to you, pulling you down so you were both laying in bed. once you were both laying down again, he moved himself so he was laying half on top of you. with jacks head resting on your chest you ran a comforting hand through his long hair. 

“are you all good now?” you asked, leaning your head down to kiss the top of his. jack hummed in response, lifting his head up to look at you. “smile please? for me?” you asked jack softly and you smiled at him when he opened his mouth, revealing his missing front tooth. “you’re so cute!” you whispered, leaning in to kiss him.

“and sexy?” jack questioned as he moved his head away from yours to prevent you from kissing him.

“well you still havent taken your shirt off yet…” you joked and jack sat up, swiftly taking his shirt off. “okay yeah you’re really sexy,” you easily admit as you admire your boyfriend in his entirety.

“yeah,” jack joked, rolling his eyes at you before leaning back down and resuming your kiss from earlier.

[50calmadeuce]

Ch. 39: Court - Y/N

Warning: Mention of miscarriage. Some chapters have sex.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from the Top Gun: Maverick world, trademarked by Paramount Pictures Corporation. I do not claim ownership of the characters and the world that I am borrowing.

The story and situation I am creating are a work of my imagination and I do not ascribe them to official story canon. This work is for entertainment only and is not a part of the storyline.

I am not profiting financially from the creation and publication of this story, but I do hope it gives you happy thoughts.

These stories are my own, so please do not take them and use them for yourself without my permission. If you see them somewhere else, please let me know. :)

You stood up and slowly made your way to the witness stand, acutely aware of Dorian's gaze following you. After raising your hand and taking the oath of truth, you sat down. A sharp kick from the baby caused you to let out a small, "Ooof."

The judge looked at you with concern. "Are you okay, Doctor?"

You rubbed the spot on your belly where the baby had kicked. "Yes, thank you. The baby was just reminding me he's still there."

The judge smiled. "My wife had those same issues. Are you ready to proceed?"

"Yes, your Honor," you replied as you straightened yourself in the chair.

"Mr. Rowe. The floor is yours," the judge said to Dorian's attorney.

The attorney stood up and fixed his suit jacket. "Thank you, your honor," he replied as he slowly walked towards you. "Doctor Seresin. How did you meet Doctor Stryker?"

"Like Doctor Stryker said. During a grant study in Wyoming," you answered.

The attorney nodded thoughtfully. "And during this time, did Dr. Stryker ever mention that he had personal feelings for you?"

You took a deep breath. "No, he did not."

The attorney raised an eyebrow. "So, you were unaware of any romantic interest from Dr. Stryker during the study?"

"Yes," you confirmed. "Our interactions were strictly professional, and any personal feelings he might have had were not communicated to me at the time."

The attorney paused for a moment, then continued. "Can you describe the nature of your relationship with Dr. Stryker during the study?"

"Our relationship was purely professional," you explained. "We collaborated on the research and spent time working together, but there was no indication of any romantic involvement."

"What made you decide to go to Wyoming to work on this study, Doctor Seresin?"

"It was a part of my degree that I was interested in. It would help with the animals in Wisconsin," you replied, matter-of-fact-like.

The attorney nodded, jotting something down before continuing. "And what specific aspects of this study were you interested in?"

"The study of zoonotic diseases, which was directly relevant to my work with large animals in Wisconsin. I wanted to gain insights and practical experience that would benefit my research and improve my understanding of animal care," you explained.

The attorney seemed to absorb your answer, then asked, "Did you have any previous connections or relationships with Dr. Stryker before this study?"

"No," you said firmly. "I had no prior connections or relationships with Dr. Stryker before the study began. Our professional interaction started there."

"So, you weren't there because your husband left you?"

You sighed. "No. My husband didn't leave me. He was at training."

The attorney raised an eyebrow, seemingly taken aback by your calm and direct response. "So you were not emotionally distressed or in need of a distraction from your personal life when you participated in the study?"

"No," you said firmly. "I participated in the study for professional reasons, not as a means to escape any personal issues. My involvement was purely based on my interest in the research and its relevance to my career."

"Even after your husband found out you had lost a child due to your job?"

The courtroom fell silent as the opposing attorney's question hung in the air. You could feel the weight of the moment, but you held your ground, focusing on your response.

"Yes," you replied firmly. "My decision to participate in the study was based on my professional interests and goals. The circumstances surrounding my personal life did not affect my commitment to the research."

“So, let me make sure I understand. You were kicked in the stomach by a horse while three months pregnant, and your husband left for training, not because he was upset about the loss of the baby?”

You took a deep breath, trying to maintain your composure as you faced the opposing attorney's probing question. The courtroom was still, with everyone hanging on your response.

"No," you said firmly. "My husband was away for training as part of his career, not because of any personal issues related to the loss of the baby. Our professional commitments and the circumstances surrounding them were separate from the personal challenges we faced."

The attorney tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Interesting." He then looked at you. "Doctor Seresin. When was the last time you spoke to your husband?"

"Last night," you answered, knowing where the attorney was going.

He smiled. "I apologize. Let me rephrase that question. When your husband left for training while you were in Wyoming, when did you talk to him?"

"Occasionally. He would call when he got the chance."

This time the attorney let out a small irritated smile. He knew what you were doing. "When did you see your husband again after he left you."

You sighed, knowing you weren't going to get out of this question. "Four years later."

The attorney seemed to seize on your response, sensing an opportunity to press further. "And during those four years, you had no communication with him?"

"Very little," you clarified. "We were both focused on our respective commitments, and the nature of his training meant limited contact."

The attorney nodded, as if your answer had confirmed something. "So, during that period, you had no indication of his personal feelings or concerns about the events that had transpired?"

"Correct," you replied. "Our communication was minimal, and any personal issues were not discussed extensively."

"So, your husband didn't know that you danced and kissed Doctor Stryker?"

You clenched your jaw. "I didn't kiss Doctor Stryker. He kissed me."

The opposing attorney’s eyes narrowed slightly as he absorbed your response. "So you're saying that during the time you were working with Dr. Stryker, there was no romantic involvement on your part?"

"That's correct," you said firmly. "Any personal interactions we had were purely professional or friendly, and any kiss that occurred was initiated by Dr. Stryker, not me."

The attorney seemed to weigh your response before continuing, "And after Dr. Stryker kissed you, how did you respond?"

"I made it clear that I was not interested in pursuing any romantic relationship," you explained. "My focus was on the work we were doing and my commitment to my marriage."

The attorney looked at you for a moment, then nodded. "Thank you, Dr. Seresin. No further questions."

Mr. Dunby stood up. "Dr. Seresin. How did you meet your husband?"

"We met at a bar in Austin."

Mr. Dunby continued, "And what was your relationship status before you went to Wyoming?"

"I was married and in a committed relationship."

Mr. Dunby nodded. "And when you left for Wyoming, was your relationship with your husband stable and supportive?"

"As much as it could be being married to a naval aviator," you affirmed.

Mr. Dunby smiled slightly, acknowledging the truth in your statement. "And during your time in Wyoming, did you ever communicate with your husband about your professional interactions with Dr. Stryker?"

"I did not."

Mr. Dunby nodded. "And why was that?"

You responded calmly, "Our communication was focused on maintaining our relationship and supporting each other through our respective challenges. Discussing professional interactions, particularly those with colleagues, was not a priority in our conversations."

Mr. Dunby continued, "Was your husband aware of the nature of your work with Dr. Stryker in Wyoming?"

"He knew I was working in Wyoming, but I did not discuss my work. My husband knows about his fighter jet and how it works. When it comes to veterinary medicine, it's like a foreign language to him."

Mr. Dunby smiled slightly at your response. "So, to clarify, while your husband was aware of your work and the fact that you were collaborating with Dr. Stryker, the specifics of your professional interactions were not a topic of discussion between you two?"

"Correct," you confirmed.

Mr. Dunby nodded, acknowledging your clarification. "And during your time in Wyoming, did you ever discuss personal matters, such as your marriage or any issues related to it, with Dr. Stryker?"

"No," you answered firmly. "My focus was solely on the research and maintaining professionalism."

"So, you didn't give any hint towards Dr. Stryker that you wanted a relationship with him?"

"No. After he tried to kiss me, my ranch hand kept me away from Dr. Stryker and I left for home."

"And after you went home, did you see or hear from Dr. Stryker again?"

"Not until a few months ago at the conference at A&M University."

"Oh? And what was said?"

"Dr. Stryker followed me outside and informed me that he had been thinking about me since then."

"And what was your response?"

"I told him that I was still married."

"And what did he say when you said that?"

"He was surprised I was wearing a wedding ring."

Mr. Dunby nodded thoughtfully, letting your response sink in with the courtroom. "So, Dr. Seresin, even after all these years, when Dr. Stryker saw you again, you immediately reaffirmed your commitment to your marriage?"

"Yes, I did," you replied confidently.

"And despite his surprise at seeing your wedding ring, did Dr. Stryker attempt to pursue anything further with you after that conversation?"

"No, he didn't," you stated firmly. "Until a few weeks ago when he kidnapped me from the hotel he was staying at here in Wyoming."

The courtroom erupted into a mix of gasps and murmurs, the sudden revelation catching everyone off guard. The judge banged his gavel to restore order.

Mr. Dunby quickly intervened, sensing the gravity of the situation. "Your Honor, may I suggest we take a brief recess?"

The judge considered Mr. Dunby's request, then nodded, understanding the need to defuse the tension. "Very well. We will take a brief recess. Court will reconvene in twenty minutes."

The judge banged his gavel once more, and the courtroom began to clear out.

Tags: @buckysteveloki-me @bellyliveslife @tgmreader @callsign-barbell @86laura11 @dizzybee03 @kmc1989 @guacam011y @nerdgirljen @hookslove1592 @dempy @djs8891 @smoothdogsgirl

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

i know you will have a lot of messages about liam's death and won't presume i will be the first or last place you hear about it, but wanted to send a personal note to you specifically.

i followed you on and off when i was in the thick of my 1d fandom. i often do not agree with you as i do not believe many things you do. (but one reason why i appreciate your perspective is that i do think you would endorse me having my own opinions and interrogating those opinions regardless of what someone on the internet says.)

i haven't been on your blog in years. (i got a job i like in public service, and it keeps me busy, so only occasionally do i think about 1d.)

when i saw what happened to liam (who was, for a very long time, my favourite member) i found myself typing in your name.

this morning (my time, a few hours ago), i had spoken at length to my friends about my feelings that i had put so much time and care behind an abuser. (i am a survivor of dv, so that makes it even more painful.)

i also talked about my guilt over still feeling defensive about some aspects of liam's life (particularly the way he was piled on when he was just a little stupid or made jokes people didn't want to understand). i felt guilty for clinging to a belief that he was a good person who experienced addiction and mental health issues and that his story is tragic in so many ways.

(i will never forget how he spoke about drinking excessively for his boss photoshoot, the one where he was in his underwear. that, to me, will always be emblematic of how desperate he was and how sick.)

i'm rambling from the grief, but i thought you would help me make sense of this, and it didn't take much scrolling through a search for liam on your blog for me to find the post about abusers not being cackling evil masterminds.

i think it's really going to help me work through everything i feel. multiple stages and kinds of grief. so i thank you for still being here when so many already left, and i hope you are well, even though i know so many of us are not.

Thanks so much for this anon. It's so lovely that you let me know that you thought of me and shared your thoughts. It's awesome that you like your job and I'm really sorry for the guilt you experienced.

I really appreciate hearing your complex feelings - it helps me make sense of my own.

I had tried to answer honestly when anons had asked me how I was responding to Liam once Maya had described how I treated him. But I'm realising that there was a lot going on that I hadn't really processed. When I talked and thought about my response - I focused on what I was doing - how I was posting what I reblogged and not really my feelings.

I had so much affection for Liam - after Harry and Louis he was the one I responded to the most. The way he would just say things was charming, hilarious, and terrifying at different times (it's where my URL comes from). He was so transparent about wanting to follow the rules and wanting to make everyone happy - and hated when they were impossible individually and also conflicted. And I responded to that both as an observer and as someone else who had that very human reaction (I've been wondering if people who mention his desire to make people happy in their statements are intending to draw the connection between that need and the distress he felt.). My 'Oh Lima' tag - I think reflects the combination of responses I had to him.

That affection withstood a lot. There aren't many people who said they were voting Boris Johnson in the 2019 UK election - where my response was anything but life long range. But what he said was so absurd - and so compatible with the other ridiculous political statements he'd made - all I did is move him down on the list of objectively worst members of 1D and keep tagging things 'Oh Lima'.

I wasn't naieve. I knew there was a high risk that he was hurting people, particularly women he was having sex with. I've said as much at various points. I knew that there's a risk with any men, particularly touring musicians, and particularly people whose coping mechanisms for their distress are destructive.

So I wasn't surprised when Maya described how she'd been treated. I stopped allowing to respond publicly to Liam in that mode. But that didn't resolve or change how I felt. Years of affection, built up through empathy, just sat alongside the knowledge about what he'd done. I think that was a fine response - I had other priorities this year than resolve what I thought about Liam Payne. I think part of my inability to articulate anything immediately after his death was because existing tension.

It's really natural to feel guilty - but I hope you feel like you don't need to. I didn't feel guilty about my reaction to some of the pile ons about Liam. I hated the way that people felt righteous about making fun of everything he did. It matters if someone chases their girlfriend with an axe - it doesn't matter if someone does cringey dancing at the concert - and treating those as the same is incredibly trivialising with violence. I thought the response to him on Logan Paul's podcast was all about people pretending their desire to make fun of people was righteous.

His story was tragic. I knew one of the things that I was observing and responding to was Liam's distress. But that didn't make it easy to reconcile my what I'd seen, and his responses to distress that he'd hidden until recently. Learning to hold the line about the harm people do, and process our connections to them and understanding of their humanity - is an ongoing process for all of us.

I think it's really normal for our response to this to be multi-staged. What it brings up will be different for everyone. I'm still trying to understand what it means for me (I've realised since his death that wanting to keep everyone happy and follow the rules is causing a lot of my stress at work. And I probably identified with Liam more than I knew). I'm so glad you found my tumblr in this moment and that it was useful.

Everything you say here sounds very wise. It is a process. It's OK.

[multifandomlover01]

Lovesick Idiots

Spencer Reid x Female!Reader (girl is used but reader is not ot explicitly AFAB)

Key: Y/F/N = Your First Name, Y/L/N = Your Last Name

WC: ~1.7k

Warnings: only Penelope and Derek being shady

Summary: Spencer and reader both like each other and Penelope and Derek try to get them together

I didn’t imagine any specific season but it is confined by the characters mentioned: Hotch, Emily, JJ, Derek, and Penelope

Gif credit: fightingdragonswithwho

“Why aren’t you and Spencer together?” Penelope asked you out of the blue one day when you walked into her lair to check on info updates.

“E-excuse me?”

“You two are perfect for each other! Why aren’t you together?”

“Maybe because neither of us wants to make the first move…so neither of us has…we’re each waiting for the other to.”

“Well one of you better grow some cajones bc you’re meant to be.”

“I don’t even know if he likes me.”

“Oh, he does, trust me.”

“How do you know?”

“Because Derek told me.”

“And how does Derek know?”

“Because Spencer told him.”

“I don’t suppose you’ve told Derek that I like Spencer and that he’s told him that…”

“He should be doing so right about now.”

“I smell a conspiracy.”

“We don’t mean you two harm.”

“I don’t think one has to mean harm to conspire with someone against someone else. It’s typical, but not necessary.”

“Well it’s gonna be fine.”

“You should’ve let us handle it.”

“But you said it yourself: if it were up to the two of you, nobody would say anything to anyone.”

“So you mercifully decided to intervene?”

“Exactly.”

“What the hell am I supposed to do now that Spencer knows that I like him? How am I gonna be able to work with him…even look at him!”

“You know he likes you too, so you tell him you like him back.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Why not? He’s not gonna reject you. He likes you too.”

“Us liking or not liking each other isn’t the issue. The issue is we’re both kinda scared of entering into a relationship.”

“And how do you know that?”

“Because I’m me and I know how I feel. And Spencer told me he felt that way.”

“Why would he tell you that.”

“I asked him why he’d never been in a relationship.”

“And he didn’t catch that you were asking because you liked him slash were interested in him?”

“Have you met him?”

“I see your point. You can both be scared together, then! You’ll get through it together. At least have a conversation with him about it. That should at least be a little easier now that you both know, right?”

“One can only hope.”

————————————————————————

“Hey kid, can I ask you something?

Spencer contemplated his answer for a few seconds before giving it.

“Sure.”

“Why aren’t you and Y/F/N together?”

“Excuse me?”

“Come on, I know you like her. You’re always looking at her when she’s not looking. Why don’t you just tell her you like her? Don’t tell me you think you two wouldn’t be great together.”

“I never should’ve told you that I liked her. I never should’ve let you talk me into having drinks with you that night.”

Spencer didn’t answer Derek’s question and he was still waiting on an answer. Spencer sighed.

“I’m not even sure she likes me back, alright?She probably doesn’t. I mean, why would she?”

“Are you kidding me right now, of course she likes you.”

“Really? H-How do you know that?”

“She actually takes the time of day to talk to you and get to know you. She doesn’t interrupt you when you ramble. You should see the way she looks at you when you do.”

“That’s not any indication she likes me in a romantic sense. She’s just being friendly…does she really look at me when I’m talking…like looking at me the way I look at her?”

“Yeah, kid, she does. And…I happen to know with absolute certainty and on good authority that she does indeed like you.”

“Is that authority Garcia?”

“The one and only.”

“You…uh…you didn’t tell her that I liked Y/F/N did you?”

“I might’ve.”

“Why would you do that?! What if she tells her?”

“I’m sure she’s doing that right about now.”

“Wh-? Did you two conspire against us?!”

“Don’t worry, it’s not anything bad.”

“You don’t call the girl you’ve had a crush on since you met her now knowing you have a crush on her bad?”

“What’s so bad? She likes you too. Now all you gotta do is confess it to each other and boom, happily ever after.”

“It’s not that easy, Derek.”

“Of course it is.”

“Maybe it would be for you, but not for us. We’re both kinda terrified of entering into a relationship. Neither of us has really ever been in one before.”

“How do you know she’s terrified of entering into a relationship?”

“Because she told me. She asked me why I had never dated anyone before and I told her I was scared that I’d screw something up and she said she felt the same.”

“Whoa, wait, she asked you why you’d never been in a relationship before and you didn’t take that as a hint that she liked you?”

“N-no. I didn’t. Should I have? Was it?”

“Probably, yeah.”

“Damn it.”

————————————————————————

You got the information from Penelope that you wanted and walked back to the bullpen where you spotted Derek talking with Spencer. Your eyes met for a brief second before you both diverted your gazes.

“So what did Garcia say?” Hotch asked.

You soon took off for your destination. You knew by Spencer’s body language that Derek had indeed told Spencer how you felt about him. Neither of you would look at each other. You didn’t even sit next to or across from each other on the plane like you usually did. You noticed Derek would be looking at Spencer and you periodically. You were pretty sure he was texting Penelope updates as he was on his phone more than usual (you can do that in flight right? Lol)

Hotch paired Spencer and you up on victimology like he often did. You both tried to focus on the work and not on each other. But you kept stealing glances at each other. Neither of you was able to maintain eye contact for very long (which you hadn’t done in the presence of each other for at least two years).

“Do you uh…would you like some water?”

You’d been working for a couple of hours and oftentimes forgot to take care of your bodies in the midst of working.

“Uh, yeah. Thanks.”

He did not say “you’re welcome”. He simply left to go to the vending machine to get two bottles of water. He came back and handed you one without a word. You continued to work.

After the case wrapped up, which took several days, you were grateful to be headed home. Spencer and you again did not sit together on the plane. You sat with JJ and Emily while Spencer sat with Hotch and Derek.

“Is everything ok with you two?” JJ asked you. You looked up from your book.

“What?”

“You and Spencer usually sit together, don’t you? Something happen between you two?”

“N-no. It’s fine. We’re fine.”

“You got the victimology nailed down quicker than usual.” Emily observed.

“I’m sorry?”

“When you two are paired together to do victimology, you usually get sidetracked slightly by discussion. It usually takes longer. You two not talking?”

“It was a difficult case, we were focused more than usual, that’s all.”

“Then why aren’t you sitting together?”

“We don’t always sit together.”

“Yes you do.”

You sighed.

“Penelope told me that Spencer likes me. And Derek told Spencer that I like him.”

“How does that explain why you aren’t sitting together?”

“It’s…awkward now, I guess.”

“Well if you both like each other and you both know you like each other…why wouldn’t you be talking. Why aren’t you making date plans?”

“We’ve both never been in any kind of a relationship before…I think we’re both kinda scared of it.”

“Why? I think you two would make a great couple.”

“Regardless of that, it’s easier for you to say that than it is for us to live it.”

“I guess you’re right but even if you’re scared that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it. Life’s full of risks. Things worth doing often involve risk and you have to take that chance sometimes.”

You sighed again.

“Maybe you’re right. I really like him.”

“Then tell him, girl.”

————————————————————————

“Victimology go ok?” Hotch asked Spencer, who was pulled out of his head by his boss’s voice.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“You and Y/L/N work together ok on this case?”

“Oh, yeah, fine.”

“You’re sure you two are ok?” Derek asked.

“Yes, we’re fine. Why would you think we weren’t?”

“You two aren’t sitting together.”

“I wonder why that is, Morgan.” Spencer gave him a look.

“Whoa, hey, don’t blame me for this.”

“I’m not. I’m blaming you and Garcia.”

“Is there something I should know?” Hotch asked.

“No. Everything’s fine. Not work related so you don’t have to worry.”

“Why don’t you let me decide whether or not I should be worried. If it’s a personal issue, it could very well influence your professional conduct.”

“There isn’t a personal issue.”

“There isn’t?” Derek asked.

“Why don’t you just mind your own business.”

“Ok. Reid. You tell me right now what’s going on. I don’t care what it is.”

“Derek and Penelope conspired together to get Y/F/N and I together.”

“By doing what?”

“By telling each of us that the other liked us.”

“So Morgan told you that Y/L/N liked you and Garcia told Y/L/N that you liked her?”

“Yes.”

“And…what…it didn’t go well?”

“Did what not go well?”

“Did you tell each other how you felt?”

“No.”

“So you’re just avoiding each other then.”

“Yes.”

“You gotta tell each other. I don’t understand why you won’t.”

“Maybe because we’re scared, Derek.”

“Of what?”

“Neither of us has ever been in a relationship with anyone before.”

“You’re perfect for each other, you’ll be fine.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Look, kid. I’m sorry. It’s ok to be scared. But you can be scared together, alright? Nothing in life that doesn’t involve a little risk is worth doing. Love is risky, but it’s worth it if you’re willing to take that risk.”

“Maybe you’re right. I really like her.”

“Then tell her that, man.”

————————————————————————

Spencer and you stood up at the same time. You turned around to face each other.

“Hey, I like you.” You both said at the same time.

“What?” You hadn’t heard each other.

Everyone else was laughing.

“I uh…I like you…a lot…but you already know that, don’t you?”

You nodded and chuckled.

“Yeah. Guess you know I like you too, huh?”

Spencer nodded.