#hope someone didn’t make this already
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ghuleh-recs · 1 year ago
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who gave him the RIGHT.
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dykedvonte · 1 day ago
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love seeing your takes on mouthwashing and how sane they are. everything's so black or white. I like how you acknowledge curlys abuse under jimmy (which I honestly didn't quite notice when I first watched a playthrough. should rewatch w this in mind) and how that very much doesn't "forgive" his inaction towards Anya and Her abuse under jimmy. I think what happens to him despite all his issues (bc he clearly wasn't OK 😊✌🏼) is very much karmic. I really did hurt huh
I hate the take that what happened to him is karmic as becoming disabled and being tortured is like not in any way an equal consequence for not taking more action against Jimmy. It is a consequence as is the whole game for everyone but it’s one that is very much established as being undeserved and extreme as everyone else’s but Jimmy’s fate.
Thank you for liking my takes but I also try to point out that this exact sort of framing of the events and what happened to Curly is bad especially if you are gonna factor in his own abuse into the equation of his inaction/ineffective acts. It’s like “saying yeah he deserved the abuse he was already going through to escalate because he didn’t do enough” which is like not a message the game tries to deliver at all. It’s like the game shows that abusers escalate
Karma and punishment are not concepts that I think should be directly tied to Curly’s fate especially since during the game and even in discussion he takes on too many consequences of someone else’s actions. Like this framing is the direct thing I describe taking the discussion away from Jimmy, P.E and the factors that created the environment in the first place.
#Maybe I’m just a bleeding heart for fictional characters that suffer but the fandom has a weird attachment to retribution#as if retribution is not a damning desire in the game like the game is about what happens when you#lack the capability to try and do better or go back on it and that is about all of them but mainly Jimmy and how it intensifies#the suffering of those around him like not saying Curly is excused but the think pieces about Curly make on whether he deserved it make it#sound like he was some empty headed dolt that didn’t know women faced oppression or had any issues of his own#and that he needed to be humbled to understand as if his toxic relationship with Jimmy is not an aspect in the forefront and his apathy in#life like becoming disabled isn’t karma yes his condition parallel Anya’s feeling but it’s also reveals all the way Jimmy was already#treating him poorly and how it got worse now that he had more power over him like again he harasses Anya still but noticed he takes out most#of his frustration on Curly now like idk what more I can say#I hate the idea someone deserves to be disabled and go through such a brutal experience comments like that are weird#like this is not an argument of Curly suffered too with Anya it is they are both suffering at all points with Jimmy#and it is not at all helpful to any conversation to try to scale and compare both their experiences against each other#but rather how they both reacted to Jimmy and how it affected how they handled/viewed everything pre and post crash#like I hope this hurts is likely a comment on the whole system that allowed it all to happen not specifically about any character or what#they did like it never did not hurt that’s the point none of the choices made felt good for anyone like sorry this is not about you anon#just the general sentiment of post crash curly and deserving cause by the logic people use then Swansea deserved to watch Daisuke suffer and#have to kill him because he didn’t kill Jimmy or support Anya better like it’s crazy to me#like yes represents him not being able to do more anymore but it is again pointed out to be unfair because of what resources they had#like he suffers due to P.Es restriction even when it comes to his care because they under supply them despite how long and dangerous#and isolating and short staffed their jobs are.#got a little heated sorry anon I just think the idea someone needs to suffer for what Jimmy did outside of Jimmy makes me mad#mainly because it’s never like realistic or just or acknowledges the facets of abuse#mouthwashing#ask#anon#mouthwashing game#curly mouthwashing
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manitapaleta · 2 years ago
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listen,….. we don’t know y hermie didn’t grow up with his dads but i already know its going to DEVASTATE ME when anthony tells us bc i know they would have loved the little joker, our sweet little thespian (also big brother nick hellooooooo)
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persephoneflouwers · 30 days ago
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🌷
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rouge-fauna · 2 months ago
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I think you’re talking about these posts [here & here], I don’t know if there have been others.
I'm not gonna say what I did was right, you are correct I should probably just not respond to asks getting me to talk about other people. I will say for these two posts those people had already blocked me I’m pretty sure, so it’s kinda hard to talk directly to them in that case. And I was not doing so anonymously and had not blocked them so I wasn’t hiding what I was saying. I did not follow them, I am not part of the innitor community, and not that that makes it right but I do think it is kinda different. Though you make a good point, perhaps we should stop this pattern of responding to asks about other blogs and such.
Still, the biggest thing to me I realized, back in elementary school when I first dealt with this, was that honestly all the time we talk about people behind their back. Talking about people when they aren’t always in the room is kinda just inevitable and part of socializing, however I think the important part is how you are talking about other people. It’s when you are insulting them, talking negatively about them to people they know, spreading false information and so on that it becomes not okay. Hopefully that makes sense.
In these cases I merely focused on the lore. I didn’t insult them or talk shit about them, as a person, as a blog or say their takes were stupid or they are stupid or speculate about their trauma or mental history. I just talked about reasons why I disagreed, or saw things differently and why we might see things differently. They were also not the only ones I saw to say similar things so I think in my mind I was making more of a general discussion, not trying to target them specifically. I didn’t post beyond that about them. But you are right, regardless it was probably not the right way to go about things.
But just to be clear, if I am a hypocrite it is not my intention. I haven’t vague blogged anyone or meant to vague reblog anyone. I think this week is pretty much the first time I’ve ever been not naming, passive aggressively talking about blogs, and even then I’m not trying to insult them, trying to cancel them. I’m just expressing that before you go off about how I’m stupid and unable to have a discussion about it, the very least you could’ve done was give me an opportunity to try.
#I’m not going to say I’ve handled everything like I should. I feel like usually I try to tag people and include context and pictures so I’m#not trying to be passive aggressive or talk about people behind their back.#I’m not hiding. I haven’t even used the Tommy neg tag and I feel like I always leave things open and - here is my opinion it is not the onl#one or maybe even the right one or - here are my thoughts at the moment of 1am or here is the lore…#I made my alt name and image very clearly still me. I’m not trying to be sneaky or backhanded or insult You for an opinion or call You dumb#and if I have insulted or hurt someone I’m genuinely sorry and didn’t mean to. Something I try to reiterate#as my tone can come across as aggressive#crumbs#hello there#but see how we can have a discussion of -hey flora maybe you shouldn’t be talking about other people without tagging them or going directly#to them and I can be like - yea you have a good point. your right that’s not being respectful to them.#clarifications#thats what I'm really asking for. the respect to see if I am going to be as bad as you assume. give me the benefit of the doubt#I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know all the internet etiquette or slang. this is my first time participating in a fandom#my first time on tumblr. on ao3. the first time I've gotten actual like interactions on things beside like graduation pics#not to plead ignorance as innocence#but I know I don't know everything & am not claiming to thats why I try to leave safe space for people to come respectfully to me#after feeling aggressive backlash and seeing it happen I have since tried to make sure I try to respect other people's opinions#now that doesnt mean that if you just leave an anon in my inbox Im going to respond to it if I have already talked about it.#- okay you disagree. I stated my opinion you've stated yours and if there is no further point to discuss then I might not respond#though I did make this blog to perhaps respond more to things like that since you did take the time to say it the least I can do it respond#(and I cant just send you a direct message if you go anon <3)#uh... anyways didn't mean to leave an essay here oops... hope im making sense to someone :)
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the-real-couchrat · 8 months ago
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@toothpastecanyon proposed the idea of a post-apocalypse dragon Mizar, and it was too good to resist! May I present;
MIZAR THE MIGHTY!!!!!
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Info and more versions below the cut!
Her name Mezra (might be changed later)
She hoards glitter
Lives in an abandoned “Michelles” (in-universe-Michaels”)
Sleeps in the yarn section
Sleeps with a few glitter bottles, they spill a lot
Keeps the feast of her hoard in a different section
Friendly
Always has glitter in her scales (she likes it)
Sometimes has yarn tangled in her horns
She paints her claws (all of them) with the gold acrylic paint
Those scale patterns under her eyes are natural
Her spikes are a little bit uneven (like in the headshot)
Literally leaves a trail of glitter when she drags her tail
She does not sleep like in the picture, she rolls constantly, which is how she gets so much glitter on her
Deep sleeper
Lonely :( all the humans are scared of her
Daydreams a lot
Likes exploring areas close to home (like forests, or deep caves with lots of space)
Loves the way her scales glint in the sun, but prefers night flying because she can see the lights of the human (and other) villages. She would say hi, but she knows they would probably attack her.
Loves cloud-gazing, and flying through fog
Very excited to meet Alcor, they get along great, and she’s happy to have a friend. He wingmans (?) for her when she’s trying to befriend villages
Alcor often uses a dragon form around her (like 50/50) because I headcannon that he will tweak his appearance if a Mizar is a different species, or just looks drastically different.
Mezra loves his humanoid form, because she can pick him up and make fun of him
Her favorite food are the goats that hang around a few minutes flight from the Michelles
Because she’s a dragon, and hasn’t had much socialization, she has a lot less reservations about killing people.
It’s more of a “I think we’re gonna have to kill this guy, Mezra” “Aw man” situation.
Notes on the current era:
The apocalypse happened around 12,000 years after the transcendence.
The apocalypse was caused by a magic storm, which wiped out a TON of humanity (and other sapient species), throwing the survivors into a medieval-esque era. ( think Wizard of Lanata, I love that fic btw)
Because of the magic storm, almost all man-made settlements (towns,cities,buildings,anything really) were destroyed, except for very few patches here and there there, which is how the Michelles still exists.
Mezra hatched around 200 years post apocalypse
Alcor is in a silly crazy cycle, so there’s not really much angst despite him being really old.
More versions:
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Mezra’s personality is still a work in progress, but she’s basically the embodiment of my ADHD. She has similar traits of Mabel, but different behaviors.
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calamitydaze · 8 months ago
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long tag ramble below u have been warned
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#ok i feel like i should say Something before i start being active again#but i dont want it to be a Statement which is why i’m putting it in the tags#(also bc i procrastinated doing this for weeks so i know this is a very stale topic by now#but i also haven’t been on tumblr literally at all so this is 100% my organic authentic opinion lmao)#so read if you gaf and ignore if you don’t#anyway: george def could’ve done more to ensure she was comfortable#and as someone who has also gotten in over my head with older men and regretted it#her hurt is valid and i’m deeply sorry she feels the way she does about that night#but with that said i see no reason to believe george Should have known how she really felt#or that he deliberately took advantage of either her youth/inexperience or her discomfort#and that’s the most important thing for me— he fucked up and misread a situation but that doesn’t make him an evil person#and i hope they can both move on and grow and heal#as for my future in the fandom: i honestly dunno how active i’ll be going forward#i was already becoming pretty disconnected so this might’ve just sped up the process? i’m tired of being put through the wringer#but i also don’t really have a fandom to replace this so i might just continue casually participating in the way i have been#either way rest assured i will never become a rabid anti. that shits embarrassing#i got HORRIBLE drolo rsd the other day when tommy’s mom needed clout and vagued him so like if nothing else. droloisms are forever#also as a last thing— this feels kinda silly and self centered to say but i will anyway#sorry for not opening up my blog as a forum for discussion again the way i did with the drituation#i know i helped a lot of people sort out their feelings and that was (and is) really really important to me#but it also tanked my mental health (mostly as a result of the fallout and not the act itself but still)#plus my life irl was pretty stressful at the time when everything was first going down#so i just didn’t feel up to putting myself through that again#but i’m sorry if anyone wanted to discuss w me but wasn’t able to#anyway. i think that’s all i have to say!#i don’t want to turn this into a capital D discussion but as always my askbox and dms are open#love you all tons! i hope you’re having a good day 🫂🫶#bella talks
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dsmsix · 2 months ago
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News from your local true crime buff: miss switzerland was murdered, dismembered with a jigsaw and garden shears, pureed in a blender and then dissolved in acid. In that order. Pathetic psycho husband to blame. More at 7.
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seventh-district · 5 months ago
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several days and 15 thousand words later, i am relieved to report that the suffocating urge to Write Something has been sated and no longer has me in a chokehold
#Seven.txt#writing stuff#thinking of that post that’s like ‘u Have To make art or all the ideas stay stuck in ur brain and make u sick’ bc yeah thats been the vibe#wish i wasn’t so all or nothing about it tho. but alas. i’m that way with everything in my life#i either expect 10k in a day from myself or i don’t write at all for weeks. or months :)#and my average pace is about 500 words per hour. so u can see. how that might be a problem. given how many hours are in a day.#and that’s obviously not sustainable. but idk if it’s adhd or what but it’s So hard to quickly start and stop tasks just Whenever#i struggle to be one of those ppl that can consistently write like. 500 words a day every day and then wow! soon you have a whole novel#nah. once i get myself in the Zone then i’m Goin’ and i can’t stop until i’m Done or i collapse from ignoring my body’s needs lmao#it’s something i should make an effort to do though bc i’d love to be consistently chipping away at things instead of working in bursts#anyways this is a lotta negative self-commentary for what is actually a Positive post! bc yay!! i wrote a thing!! Two things actually!!! 🎉#i got the follow-up to last year’s Matt oneshot done And i wrote the next chapter of Heaven in Hiding after uh. a year and some months#i wanted to blow the dust off the ol’ keyboard by starting with writing some less. uh. high-stakes(?) stuff#not that i didn’t put my all into writing them. i always do. just that ik they’ll have less of an audience so ill cringe less if they suck#so then i can hopefully do justice to the [N]MbD stuff that i’ll be putting out next! ehehe *rubbing my hands together* Finally#the next two [N]MbD fics r already written but the first little one needs a final edit#and then the Big one for. uh. someone (u kno who u r) needs a bit of rewriting i think. i wanna make it Better#so release schedule will be 1. Matt • 2. HiH Ch.3 • 3. [N]MbD small fic • 4. [N]MbD Big fic#then i’m gonna write a lil Boothill comfort oneshot. then i’ll edit/maybe rewrite and post that Dew (Ghost) OCD comfort oneshot#i ​also wanna keep writing the last couple chapters of HiH before i unintentionally abandon it again#and after/amidst all that maybe i’ll manage to get ES Ch.6 written and posted before the end of the year 😭#anyways ik i’ve made posts like this before. talking abt all these Plans of mine. and most of those things r Still stuck in the pipeline#so don’t put too much stock into this plan. i could have another Bad couple of months and get None of it done#but god i sure fucking hope not. i’d really like to cling to my creativity. if for no other reason than that it makes me happy
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transgendercastiel · 6 months ago
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I wish I just knew when/if I did something wrong
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cuteniaarts · 8 months ago
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Fanny, my sweet, beautiful girl
17.11.2012 – 14.04.2019
#my art#artists on tumblr#I cannot accept that it has been 5 years already#I know covid messed with everyone’s sense of time but it simultaneously feels so much longer and so much shorter than that#exactly five years ago I was holding onto my mom for dear life and sobbing as we watched lilo and stitch together#not the best movie to watch when you’ve just lost your first ever pet you know#and then I cried myself to sleep at the next morning we never mentioned her again#I know it’s because it was way too painful for everyone involved. but I do wish I was allowed to process that grief properly#instead of bottling it up and pretending everything was okay until I was reminded of her#feeling like my heart was being shattered over and over again every single time#well anyway. enough of that. I’ve allowed myself a nice long cry today and got most of it out of my system#and once I was feeling okay I decided to draw her#and I can count the number of times I’ve drawn animals on one hand so.. I’m not too sure about the result#but it felt like to commemorate her in some way.#so yeah. here she is. my dear girl. the best dog in existence. she was always so affectionate and kind#which I didn’t always appreciate bc of how young I was. when you’re a kid it feels like pets will live forever#never barked. never bit anyone. her only crime was chewing on my mlp and lps toys that I left out on the floor#but I’m grateful she did that. it taught me not to leave my toys lying around and to clean up after myself#she really was taken from me way too soon. ideally she could still be alive right now. but I’ve been down the road of guilt and regret#there was nothing I could do. I was a child. I can only hope that she knew she was loved right until the very end#even if I didn’t know how to show it properly. and great. now I’m tearing up again#I suppose it’s unavoidable. April 12th will always be a melancholy day. and maybe that’s not such a bad thing#it’s good to have a day when I can freely remember her and cry if I need to. it’s healthy. it’s better than crying every day#she never liked it much when I cried. always tried to comfort me. that’s the kind of dog she was. I miss her so much#when I move apartments and get a dog of my own I’m getting a spaniel. just like she was#well. maybe a different colour so I don’t end up sobbing every time I look at it. but spaniels really are the perfect breed#I mean. cavaliers especially were bred for love and warmth. that’s just what I need. it will be nice to have someone waiting for me at home#and while I don’t necessarily believe in the afterlife… I do hope that Fanny’s watching over me#spiritually comforting me when I feel all alone in the world. it’s a nice thought for sure#and hopefully she won’t mind me getting another spaniel too much. it will be done in her honour after all. to make up for my past mistakes
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simgerale · 1 year ago
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me when i don’t see a simgerale post 😔 IMY but i know ur busy <3
anna!!!! </3 i miss you too!! life is rolling along and i find that adulting requires more of my time than ever )^: that said, i’ll be near my pc for two weeks so maybe i’ll do some sim things?? we will see 💛💛
#ask#sublimesims#trying to have other hobbies is hard#i started reading and then promptly got overwhelmed by how it would take my time when I need to help cook and clean and adult#back in the day I would sim all day and my parents would make dinner and I’d just be chilling#now I’m like wait I am in charge of making sure I am fed now lol#sounds so silly and childish but it’s something my brain is trying to balance#with work and also doing laundry and also planning a wedding#btw we landed on a venue ! it’s just a family friend’s place#but the field didn’t work out so this should be nice#it has bathrooms and power so it’s already an upgrade lol#and my mom hired a photographer#and we’re looking into someone for catering rn#and I’ve got two wedding showers to go to already in august and September that people are kindly throwing for us#and this is just wedding stuff! we’ve also got to pack and move at the beginning of July#not looking forward to that#to moving yes to packing no#while I’m home these two weeks I’m going to be trying to pack and donate what I can#and I’m dog sitting / house sitting this week as well#(hoping a little pocket cash can help with wedding stuff lol)#and we have to figure out where we want to go for our honeymoon#we’re thinking italy because Japan is actually very pricey to visit in the winter#who knew#and also I’m like the state of the world could be in disarray for all we know#i've rambled far too long!!! sorry guys!! love you all
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pepprs · 2 years ago
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i wish i’d kept pushing the point (<- vagueposting). im so tired i’m hitting a wall. but why is the answer to feeling bottomlessly lonely just to love myself and be loved by myself? isn’t that only more loneliness?
#purrs#i know being by myself is not aloneness. but like seriously are you actually serious that there is no one coming to save me? that I have to#walk around with this giant gaping wound forever and no one will be able yo close it? i need total nurturance and comfort badly and to have#any less than total is.. well i don’t want to say it’s as bad as having none at all because obviously it’s not true. but it’s still bad. it#makes it harder to ask for more when you already have some and have reached the limit of what you can ask for. i just feel bottomlessly#lonely. i know things will get better. but what i really need is a long hug and a good cry in someone’s arms. not isolating myself in a#cabin for a week (though i know i desperately need that too). like we’re human beings and we can do that for each other so why don’t we? why#can’t we fix each other? why can’t we be nurturing like that and fill the voids for people who have them. and i know it’s rich coming from m#me bc iam skittish like a horse around emotions and also that it’s pitifully expected from me bc i am reading too much into normal experien#nces most people have. but how am i supposed to just accept that i didn’t get the love i needed (even if im romanticizing m*therlove lmao) a#and then move on as if that’s fine? how can i just snap my fingers and be an autonomous adult when ive spent years accruing psychological#damage with the most limited kind of cushioning? when every second brings with it a potential jab to my River of Pain nerve? idk.#i was deeply violently depressed abt this stuff earlier this week but tonight im just quietly sad. i want the stability and certainty of#(unconditional) love. i want my whole future safe and warm and now or at least the ability to trust it will exist which is also called hope.#i don’t want to be alone and wretched anymore.
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overtake · 1 year ago
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i don’t bother getting mad at twitter users who steal gifs from tumblr creators without credit because it’s just not worth the energy anymore, but if you act like a cunt when someone politely informs you that you should give credit? personally, i think you should be firebombed.
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crossbackpoke-check · 2 years ago
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"This extra space next to me belongs to you. I know where I end now. I won't get lost." -- shoot me (metaphorically) and leave me for dead (metaphorically) why won't you. To make this about Dylan and maybe it's about Connor, maybe it's about Brinksy, maybe it's about any journeyman in the NHL. My brain screamed Chris Driedger and his memorable (to me) Players' Tribune article:
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And how can you mention Dylan and Zach (Za-ach, the way Dylan says it) without me having a breakdown about them? You simply can't. And for the younger dudes, maybe it's a little Bords/Briss, not yet steady in The Show, a little bit of distance, a summer that tries to erase and make up all the memories they've made separately... and then a blurry insta story in Vegas. Just like old times but somewhere else. Maybe it's not the same bed, maybe it's not the same set of forks, but maybe it's the principle of the thing.
Anyway, goodbye. Sorry for this, your tag walls make me break out in imagined scenarios.
Much love. xxx
please never be sorry for sending me messages <3 i love reading them i love getting them i think they’re beautiful and i love them i’m!!!!! [🥹💕🦋🫧✨💘😭 <- the best approximation of what my heart is doing]
ok NOW i am taking this step by step because every narrative here kicked me straight in the knees (metaphorically) i am w e e p i n g (literally): i knew tangentially about chris driedger going to seattle but i had never read his players’ tribune love letter to seattle & all i can say is oh. oh. and with the part about trains delayed but still being right on time—
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sometimes a dream is a truth your heart knows long before you do. the space that the city and the team made for him (“you’d be the only guy on the team”)🗣️🗣️🗣️ !!! but the way that chris talks about needing to put in the work & leo not letting him quit,,, that’s chris filling up the teakettle with twice as much water, crowding one side of the bed (falling asleep against a bus window dreaming), becoming unburdened by the idea of not being their guy, not having the fallback being their draft pick to content and settle himself with. that’s chris betting on a future. that’s the train coming down the tracks, right on time.
(i am feeling unhinged about it)
SECOND. i know i was the one that said zach and dylan to start so technically i brought this on myself but also i have been ktfo by the mere mention of the way that dylan says zach’s name different from everyone else, stealing an extra breath, stealing as much time as he can get with him, which reminded me of a poem i just read:
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The Need Is So Great, Jim Moore
^^^dylan still in love with zach even as he’s leaving, can feel himself losing him, and taking every sliver of the love in his smile that he can get. even if he knows zach doesn’t still feel the same way he’s drawing out the long goodbye & saying i love you in a thousand ways without ever saying it out loud (“i have been asking for a time but in ways that have no words” because he doesn’t want to ask too much, to ask for love) in the hope that zach will say it back OKAY I’M LEAVING i can’t do this
that was a lie because THREE. “maybe it’s the principle of the thing” please insert the most ungodly screech how could you just (lovingly) come in straight with the steel chair and bean me upside the head with that l i n e i think this story has the potential for such tragedy in it but also the most tender domestic longing because bords & briss have known each other for a long time (i think) and guys do sometimes lose themselves when they first get to the nhl.
it’s a big scene, you’re with big name guys, you’re finally doing the thing you always dreamed about, you’re no longer necessarily the best because everyone’s the best, you’re not sure how you fit in, you can get lost in the glitz and the glamor of it but you can also literally get lost in it, the slog of the season and getting caught up and down between teams and leagues and endless airports and buses and travel and ice rinks, losing your phone (accidental) and having new people hound you for quotes and fame and connection so you lose your phone (on purpose) and i think where i’m trying to go is: this could play out as the tragedy of borde going to the california coastline and briss shipping off to the vegas strip and both of them getting a little lost.
maybe there’s someone else, maybe i am steadfastly not thinking about “a summer that tries to erase and make up all the memories they've made separately” as either a summer of them pretending things are ok after a year of barely speaking and now being completely different people they never were before OR a summer of them trying to pretend like they can forget about each other because maybe they didn’t think their relationship was the same thing, is all, when they were or weren’t together. maybe it’s nobody’s fault but for the fact that they were scared and tired and lonely trying to make it in the big times and didn’t know how to show it. and then borde shows up with takeout and plastic forks in vegas and it’s december and nothing like winter in ann arbor and still they fill up all the empty spaces in each other with the things they didn’t know they’d miss until they were gone and this is the real thing, not whatever they were trying too hard to be, to recreate their own nostalgia for the love in their memories. it’s the principle of the thing, is all, to always be true to the love they have right now & not what they think it should be.
sorry that i wrote you kind of an essay of an answer but i had so so so many thoughts because your ask was so lovely so thank you for sending it to me (you are always welcome to!! i love your imagined scenarios!!! cannot even explain how much!!!) & thank you for taking the time to read my walls of tags :))) <3
#liv in the replies#every time you send me a message i do the thing where i’ve got heart emojis for thumbs & cease any coherency#FIRSTLY chris driedger who i loved as seattle’s goalie without even knowing the story:#dreidger fourth layer of a dream is making me tear up AGAIN hours later as i try to write this the echl the coast easy come hard to leave &#when he talks about being somebody’s guy laying my head down in the bog & dragging my hands over my face chris who let you say that. who let#u break my HEART i truly don’t think i will ever recover from the inception reference bc that’s what they all talk abt u know? the nhl dream#the players’ tribune articles are often some of the most poetic & touching sports writing & every time i am reminded i lose my shit about it#SECONDLY:#the ever present spectre of dylan’s first boyfriend zach werenski#i have so so so many quotes? drafts? posts? about the thing with saying someone’s name to call them closer to you i say your name to speak#more of you into the world so i will possibly look for some of those to say what i mean but also: this poem was originally reminiscent of#willingly by tess gallagher which is my ajax jack / superbuddies poem & this specifically did go with the a drop of paint / the light has#fallen through you part of it but there’s a part of THIS poem which i did not include that talks about the late light / has already happened#will go on happening forever & that whole poem with this now to say i know it’s embarrassing i’m asking for it :: easy to write about light#like falling asleep on the couch & having to carry yourself up to bed is the dylan/zach heartbreak of this. waiting & waiting for the things#you used to do & the love you used to / were promised to have with the hope that if you keep the coffee ready he’ll come drink it & instead#you have too many cups of tea one yours & one cold then half-warmed over & too sweet for your tastes but you’ve learned to drink it anyway#okAY now third:#this w/the UMICH BOYS? N O I DIDN’T EVEN!!! NOT A THOUGHT IN MY BRAIN!!! & now i can’t stop thinking!!! & i had an entire PLAYLIST already#a ??? while ago before i even truly knew the umich boys Narratives™️ i heard maude latour’s song ‘one more weekend’ & went hahaha isn’t that#a great song for when you have that One Summer of college before everyone splits off into their own lives? isn’t that a fun little umich boy#going into the nhl narrative?? to which i said NO but then it spiraled into a playlist &now there is delightful heartbreak to go with vibes#umich scholars please feel free to correct me if i’m wrong on any points i can’t remember anything presently about anything#also the f a c t that that vegas picture is real and i know exactly what you’re talking about is making me %^•*]+£’ bc how!! is that real!!!#okay ALSO just throwing in brinksy like a casual AHAHA have brainworm for a year (my autocorrect tried to go bringst like angst which. lmao)#connor and dylan… all of my journeymen… we did not touch that because i WILL start yelling about sam gagner and marc staal and#the chrysalis and the caterpillar
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bo0zey · 2 years ago
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my manager has kids:(😕 but i have a new resident doctor crush soooo;)😳
#i knew i didn’t stand a chance !!!!!#also i saw my first pediatric cardiac arrest today#i was okay during the code i was glad i could be helpful i just gave out flushes lol#they didn’t make it but i had a feeling that was gonna be the outcome cuz they were already in rigor mortis when they got to us#the doctor leading the code was the one i’ve recently started talking to more n he’s like rlly friendly w everyone#i wish i knew the difference between someone being nice to me and flirting w me lol#anyways he did really good leading the code as well as the other doctors doing their best n everyone else#he wanted to hold a debriefing w everyone afterwards but i stayed back to clean up the room so when mom say her baby it#wouldn’t be as traumatizing w all the blood snd gastric contents soaked towels and garbage EVERYWHERE#i wish they’d stopped the code sooner the doctor leading the code was the first to point out the baby was in rigor right at the beginning#but obviously cuz it’s a peds case they wanna do everything they can and he literally did EVERYTHING all the code meds u could possibly orde#this stupid lady next to me who had no idea what she was talking abt was like ‘wait i think i see something on the monitor’ n im like bitch?#the baby was literally PEA they’re in fcking rigor mortis stop trying to prolong this horribly aggressive mess just let it end peacefully#baby was asystole throughout the entire code..they couldn’t even intubate him cuz his jaw was clenched so tight#anyways right after everyone agreed w the leading doctor to end it the doc like put both hands on the bed and kinda#bowed his head but i saw the pained look on his face i hope he didn’t blame himself i mean he knew from the start the baby was in rigor and#he asked everyone to give the baby a moment at the end of the code#that’s when they were all gonna go debrief but i stayed behind#anyways my supervisors were asking me if i was ok n i was like yeah bc the baby looked so much more at peace when we readied the room formom#then later the leading code doctor found me and asked if i was okay and i said was fine..i felt better knowing he was already gone before#he got to the hospital and was in literal rigor mortis with a rectal temp of 94 deg F#but i didn’t want to seem too heartless bc i could tell the code had upset him and he was talking in a more quietly#concercdndd voice like he’s usually always loud and joking around like me so :( and the fact that he stopped to talk w me privately n was#genuinely wanting to know if i was okay made me ;-; cuz im not used to being comforted?? or having my emotions validated#i was like ‘yeah im fine now haha it might all hit me later when im driving home alone at the end of the shift lol’#n he gave me a pat on the shoulder n said i did a good job ;—;#ngl i always thought he was kinda cute but i only just started talking n working w him on pts tuesday n i think he likes me????#idk bc he’s friendly n easy to get along w everyone AS AM I but idk we talked 1-1 before n i got a Vibe 😳 from him#but anyways then i got home n had pasta n talked to my fam abt my day and told them i had my first peds cardiac arrest#then all of a sudden something in me switch??i felt myself stiffen n my eyes started watering so i went to my room n ended up crying 4 20min
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