#hope some other studio could take over the project

[deityoftherain]

sculpting memories - Smalletho Soulmates & Sibling Bad Boys Fantasy AU

Rating: Teen

Relationship: M/M, Gen

Archive Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Status: Completed Oneshot

Word Count: 8,285

Summary:

Joel was content enough with his life as a sculptor, sticking around his hometown. Sure, it got a little lonely when his brothers were out exploring with their soulmates, left with only his creations and whatever managed to travel over the soulbound he shared with his soulmate to keep him company. A soulmate he's never met, and likely never will if he stayed where he was, according to his brothers.

He ignored their advice, forcing himself to accept fate in exchange for his own comfort. He was fine as things were. Obviously.

Luckily for him, and as a relief to Grian and Jimmy, fate had a different plan for Joel, showing its hand the moment a handsome stranger took refuge in his studio...

I wrote this for @i-got-hit-by-a-planet through the @mcytblrholidayexchange event! I really enjoyed writing it, and I hope you enjoy reading it :D

You can read the full fic under the cut if you don't want to reroute to AO3 <3

Joel could be cheesy and go on about how sculpting always came easily to him, but that would be a lie. Sculpting wasn’t just something he picked up one day and was suddenly a master at, no. Just like everyone else, he got himself an apprenticeship and worked his way to the skill level he was at now. 

What Joel could claim, however, was that he was really fucking ambitious. He always strived to create far beyond his skill level, which only pushed him to get better. He improvised, adapted, and overcame any challenge he faced until he was satisfied with the result. 

To be fair, he was a very slow learner at first. Like, astronomically slow, but as he worked day in and day out, that changed. Joel became more familiar with how the clay worked and the methods passed down from mentor to apprentice. 

He was actually quite quick now, all things considered. Joel could create small and simple cups, bowls, and vases within a few minutes, those of which became his source of income. Traveling traders would buy some of his wares and resell them beyond the territory of Woodland Forests. 

It was a steady gig, at the end of the day. It was certainly more steady than the freelance work he preferred. The freelance work was more interesting, of course, taking another’s ideas and making something beautiful out of it, but it wasn’t consistent. Consistency was necessary to support oneself. 

His favorite creations, however, were the ones that he made for himself. Joel liked to indulge himself after his work was done, taking the clay and molding faces and creating landscapes on vases. They often came to him in glimpses from his soulmate’s eyes for he’s never seen much of what he’s created for himself. Joel’s soulmate, after all, was what inspired him to sculpt in the first place.

Joel knew he had a soulmate far before he ever understood the concept himself. For as long as Joel could remember, he was bound to his soulmate. The connection was never strong enough to contact them with any sort of intentionality, no, but it was enough for Joel to deduct what sort of person they were. Their souls were connected to one another, after all, destined by the universe. 

Not all soulmates were romantic, but each was a life partner. Sometimes, soulmates were platonic, sometimes queerplatonic, occasionally familial, or something else under the sun. A soulmate didn’t complete another person, nor were they meant to dictate the other’s personal life, but a soulmate was a partner, someone meant to perfectly fit in their soulmate’s life like they had always been there.

And, in a way, they always have.

Joel knew deep within himself that his soulmate was to be his partner in the romantic sense. He didn’t know how to explain how he knew, he just did. His brothers would always laugh at him for being so… mushy. Grian did, at least. Jimmy occasionally laughed too, mostly relieved not to be the one teased at that moment, but Joel would always glare at him and he’d shut up quickly.

“What do you think your soulmate would be like?” Jimmy wondered out loud, though the question was directed at them both. He laid with his back to the floor and his legs on his bed. His yellow wings were sprawled out beneath him, a genetic trait from their mother’s side of the family.  

“Stupidly oblivious,” Grian huffed bitterly, arms folded across his chest as he sat with his legs situated to look vaguely like a butterfly. His macaw-banded wings– also from their mother’s side– were folded into a heart behind him, feathers brushing up against the wall. 

“Well, duh.” Joel rolled his eyes, tail like a wolf’s flicking once to the left before sweeping to curl around his right side. He was the only one of his brothers to inherit the wolf genetics from their father’s side of the family. “It’s Scar! He’s always had his head in the clouds. That, and he can never sit still, which says a lot considering he uses a wheelchair to get around.” 

“And sometimes crutches!” Grian rushed to his soulmate’s defense, despite the fact they all knew this and that Grian’s response was half-baked at best. 

“You should tell him you’re soulmates,” Jimmy suggested for the thousandth time. “I would want my soulmate to tell me if they found out.” 

“Grian’s not going to do that,” Joel cut in, already knowing the truth. He poked Grian’s side with his foot, earning a squawk of protest and a swipe at his leg. Grian missed, and Joel continued, “We both know that Grian’s too much of a chicken.” 

“I am not!” Grian tried to defend himself, face turning red with embarrassment. “I just… we’re too young to start any sort of romantic relationship. I don’t even know if he wants that. I’m just giving him space to try and figure it out.” “You’re fourteen?” Jimmy pointed out, brow furrowed. “Fourteen is a perfectly reasonable age to start courting, especially if the intended target is your soulmate!” 

“Not the point!” Grian dismissed Jimmy, but Joel ignored that fork in their conversation.  

“Really?” Joel deadpanned at Grian. “Scar Goodtimes? Mr. Physical Affection Extraordinaire? The fucker that makes innuendos all the time and pretends to not know what he said?” 

“He just doesn’t think before he speaks,” Grian murmured half heartedly. He cleared his throat and raised his voice to direct the conversation away from him. “What about you, Joel? Any closer to finding yours?” 

Joel clamped his jaw shut and averted his gaze. He didn’t want to talk about it. The air in the room soured from playful to tense. Luckily, Jimmy saved him, speaking up to talk about what he’s gathered about his soulmate through their connection. 

It had been a good several years since that moment, over a decade, in fact, and Joel still didn’t want to talk about it. The glimpses of his soulmate’s life that he was granted by the universe depicted lands far from his home in Woodland Forests. They featured faces of people he didn’t recognize with landmarks he didn’t know where to begin to locate. 

Finding his soulmate would require adventure and travel, but Joel had no interest in such a thing. Joel was a homebody at heart. He liked the predictability of his life. He enjoyed the connections he has with the other residents of Woodland Forests. He relished in the sense of community and solidarity clear between the townsfolk. And, while he wouldn’t always admit it, Joel loved and appreciated his family, no matter how much he teased them or they teased back. They knew this, of course, Grian often calling him a mother hen, but taking care of his younger brothers was just the birth-assigned task each eldest child was given. Joel couldn’t abandon them if he tried.

…even if they frequently encouraged him to go out and explore like they each had done many times before.

“Come on, Joel!” Jimmy whined, draping himself against Joel. The taller was lucky Joel was strong because they would have both otherwise toppled over, cracking their skulls open on the rough earth. “Please?” 

“I said no,” Joel huffed, irritated at Jimmy’s persistent questioning. 

Jimmy flopped off of Joel, jutting out his lower lip in a pout. “But it would be so much fun! Do you plan to stay in this kingdom forever?” 

“Yes,” Joel replied, dry and blunt. He turned on his heel and left Jimmy there, not intending to humor his brother any longer, and that was that. 

What purpose did he have to leave? He liked it here, and he had no desire to enter foreign lands and potentially land himself into trouble in another kingdom. His bad-mouth and anger issues had gotten him into enough ruckus over the years. He had no desire to widen the amount of available jail cells he could spend the night in.

Besides, Joel had set up a comfortable life for himself in Woodland Forests. Occasionally, his family expressed worries of him being too lonely or too isolated or some shit like that, something about how they couldn’t always be around and had their own lives and soulmates, but Joel always waved their concerns off. He was content with his clay and the pieces of his soulmate the universe chose to deliver to him. Plus, how could he be lonely when he had customers and the other townsfolk?

Speaking of his soulmate, they must be experiencing some sort of adrenaline rush because Joel felt wired up, hurried, and out of breath despite barely moving for the past hour or three. Extreme or strong emotions were often shared between soulbounds, which always gave Joel a bit of whiplash no matter how long that sort of thing had been occurring.

“I don’t know why I’m so sad!” Jimmy wailed in distress, tears rapidly flowing from his tear ducts and wetting the front of his tunic. His body shuttered with each breath as he hugged himself tightly, fingernails digging into his shoulders. 

Joel tried to comfort him the best he could, but there wasn’t much any of them could do. If Jimmy couldn’t pinpoint a reason for such emotions, then they were likely being shared through his soulbound, meaning Jimmy had no control of the sensations. It was mostly up to Jimmy’s soulmate to get their act together. 

Still though, Joel couldn’t bear it to see his youngest brother so upset, so he pulled Jimmy into a hug and combed his fingers through Jimmy’s hair, muttering gentle reassurances reserved only for tender moments. 

The door to his shop swung open, forcing Joel out of his memories. His wolf-like ears twitched to attention as his gaze snapped to the intruder. Joel barely had time to process what happened as the stranger ducked behind a cabinet and curled as small as he could in the corner between the wall and the cabinet. Their hair and fur were snow white, not surprising once Joel came to the conclusion that they were an arctic fox hybrid. He’s known other fox hybrids, but never an arctic fox, so that in itself was interesting, but also what the hells was he doing in his workshop? 

“Uh, hello?” Joel narrowed his eyes at the other man, crossing his arms across his chest. “The place’s closed. Come back tomorrow.”

The arctic fox hybrid had a black mask over his nose and mouth, covering most of his face, but the fear in his wide eyes shined with enough emotion to make up for the concealed parts. “Please hide me!”

Joel gaped at him in disbelief. Who did this guy think he was, telling him what to do? Joel scoffed at the ridiculousness of this situation. “Hide you?”

“Yes,” the other nodded quickly, voice no more than a whisper. “Don’t tell them I’m here. Please.”

Joel furrowed his brow at him, which only had the other flick his fox-like ears back and pathetically beg for Joel’s aid using only his eyes. He was clearly not from here, based solely on his accent and the fact Joel knew everyone in this part of Woodland Forests. Joel sucked in his lips, struggling to resist such a pitiful plea. His brothers always did this sort of shit too, and Joel was rarely strong enough to refuse for long.

Am I really going to do this? Joel wondered to himself as he sighed heavily, absentmindedly tugging his long hair out of its ponytail and then redoing it to be more secure. “Fine, but I demand an explanation after.”

“Deal,” the arctic fox hybrid was quick to agree to the terms, somehow shrinking back into the corner even more.

Joel averted his gaze from the stupidly handsome man and walked to the door to his workshop. He had thought he had locked it, but apparently not. This time, he ensured the door was not going to budge without inhuman strength. The sign on the door indicated that he wasn’t taking customers or commissions at the moment, so it would hopefully deter whoever was after the stranger.

The arctic fox hybrid’s breathing hitched in his throat door as shouting grew closer to the door, but they both were deadly silent by the time someone rattled the doorknob in an attempt to open it. “It’s locked! He must have fled further down. Come on, before he gets away!” 

Joel waited until he couldn’t hear them anymore before pressing his wolf ear against the door. He could feel his own heartbeat, though he wasn’t sure why because he wasn’t scared! What reason did he have to be scared? He hadn’t done anything wrong! Why was anxiety pricking at his skin so furiously?

Eventually, Joel backed up from the door and turned around. He didn’t bother to look in the stranger’s direction, simply gesturing for the other man to follow him toward the door in the back, one that led up to a small loft above his workshop. Joel was about to enter when he paused to glance over his shoulder, checking to see if the other was following him.

He was not.

Joel raised an eyebrow. “What are you waiting for?” “You–” the arctic fox hybrid squinted, obviously confused, “you want me to come with you? You’re not kicking me out?”  “Does it look like I’m kicking you out?” Joel rolled his eyes. Hadn’t his intentions been obvious? “Come with me before I kick you out and you take your chances with whoever is after you. This better not bite me in the ass, by the way, or you’re going to regret it.”

Joel didn’t wait this time, climbing his way up the spiral staircase to his studio flat. The flat wasn’t very big, but it was plenty for one person– maybe two if they were comfortable being in close proximity– complete with necessities and not too much more. Truthfully, it was all he needed, and he utilized the space well. While it may not be his main passion, Joel could confidently decorate with the best of them.

In an attempt to be courteous, Joel gave his guest– the stranger seemed to have been upgraded from intruder to guest in Joel’s mind within a short timeframe– space to take everything in. He retrieved the kettle off the counter and filled it up with water before stretching toward a nearby cabinet to fetch a pouch of magic fire dust. There were many ways to bring a kettle full of water to boil for tea, but fire dust was Joel’s preferred method.

“Do you need help?” his guest offered, suddenly appearing behind Joel and startling him. Joel cursed loudly, and his guest apologized, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. Uh, my name is Etho, by the way.”

“Etho?” Joel parroted, eyeing him up and down. “That’s not a name you hear everyday. Did your parents name you after the then-baby prince of whatever that kingdom is called? The one to the west, I think. Are they fans of them or something?” “Something like that, yes,” Etho chuckled awkwardly with a half-hearted shrug.

“Bet they felt all fancy and foreign,” Joel joked, finding himself slipping into a far too familiar territory with someone he didn’t know. “Etho, so exotic I can’t even pronounce it like you can. Accents, ey?”

Etho’s expression morphed into an almost fond one, the look he gave Joel making him feel strangely but wonderfully warm. Joel didn’t quite know how to handle that, nor the butterflies in his stomach or the intoxication that came just from a masked smile. The blummin’ smile reached his eyes, and Joel found himself wanting to take a peek or five under that mask of his.

“It’s okay,” Etho assured him. “I find it cute.”

Cute. Joel studied Etho, somewhat warily but also a smidge flustered, before flicking his ear and turning back to prepping the tea. “I’m Joel, by the way.”

“Joel,” Etho repeated with a single nod. “I like that name. It’s nice.” “Thanks.” Joel had almost expected Etho to make unsolicited comments on his name next, but none came. It almost infuriated Joel, wishing Etho would take the mickey out of him like he had to Etho.

Not sure what else to say, silence fell between them. It wasn’t necessarily bad, but it wasn’t very great either. Etho simply stood there awkwardly as Joel finished the tea, too close for comfort, but not close enough to properly make content. It was strange– Etho was strange– but Joel couldn’t find it in himself to be too bothered.

Once Joel poured the tea into the cups, he led Etho over to the two-chaired table Joel often spent meals eating at alone. That was, if his brothers didn’t come over, anyway. If they did, he pulled out a spare chair he could fold down and tuck away in a multitude of locations. It was currently slid under his bed.

“So,” Joel started once they settled down, green eyes piercing into Etho’s soul, “are you going to tell me why you’re on the run?” Etho blinked rapidly at him, as if surprised. Perhaps he was. Something in Joel was confident that he was, but he didn’t linger on that thought. “How did you know?”

“You broke into my workshop, ducked behind the nearest cabinet, and begged me to keep you hidden,” Joel deadpanned, unable to resist rolling his eyes. Was this fox guy dumb? “Plus, I know everyone in the greater Woodlands, and I don’t know you, so d’ya wanna tell me what you were running from or where you were running from? Maybe even a why, may I be so lucky.”

Silence seemed to echo off the walls, as impossible as that was, each moment feeling impossibly stretched thin before Etho shook his head. “I don’t want to say.”

Joel scoffed and took a sip of his tea. “So you’re a coward.” “I am not!” Etho denied, the part of his face Joel could see around his mask flushing pink with embarrassment.

“Mhm, yep, sure,” Joel agreed dryly, swirling the liquid in his cup. 

Etho averted his gaze, and Joel allowed quiet to fall over them. He had expected the hush to be awkward and full of tension, but it felt oddly… peaceful? It was strangely comfortable, like they were meant to be together as they were. Just… existing beside each other. Did the arctic fox hybrid have magic? Was he bewitching him somehow? Did Joel even care if he was or not?

Joel was halfway done with his tea when he broke the silence to ask, “Do you not like tea?”

“Huh?” Etho asked only to answer his own question before Joel got a chance to respond. “Oh, I do, I like tea, I just…”

“What? Are you scared?” Joel teased, a smirk growing on his lips. “It’s not poisonous, if that’s what you’re scared about. If I wanted you dead, I would have killed you already, or handed you over to the people looking for you.”

Etho crossed his arms over his chest, ears flicking back for just a moment in a way Joel honestly found really fucking adorable. “I’m not scared of you.”

“Oh yeah?” Joel raised an eyebrow in amusement. “Prove it?” “Prove it?” Etho repeated in disbelief. 

“You think I’m joking?” Joel didn’t back down from the challenge, staring him dead in the eyes. 

Etho sighed in defeat with a slight shake of his head. “You’re impossible.”

And perhaps Joel was impossible, as it were, and he knew many would agree, but there was… something on Etho’s face that felt… fond? Was Joel reading that correctly? 

“Yet you love it,” Joel shot back in a near automatic response.

Etho chuckled and… yep, the something was definitely fond. “That I do.”

Creases formed by Etho’s eyes, like he was smiling underneath the mask, which only made Joel want to smile back. They were bickering, sure, but it was simply playful, maybe even fun. Warmth spread throughout his limbs as his heart beat just a little faster.

Time seemed to slow down as Etho started to remove his mask. Breath caught in Joel’s throat as the other peeled away the fabric to reveal what he looked like underneath. Joel had thought he was stunning before, but damn. His tongue darted out to wet his lips as Etho raised the tea cup to his to take a sip.

Joel averted his gaze for less than a second before meeting Etho’s eyes again. He wasn’t a coward; he could look some blummin’ guy in the eye! He studied the now-maskless man carefully, hiding the action by sipping his tea and maintaining idle conversation.

Etho was peculiar, but Joel didn’t find that fact necessarily bad. He had a scar over his left eye, a wound that must affect his vision in some sort of way. The eye almost looked bloodshot or like one of Joel’s clients– an albino cat hybrid– but it was less of a crimson or scarlet, and more blood red. His unaffected eye reminded him of Grian’s slightly soulless irises.

Neither Etho nor Grian’s eyes were truly soulless, but the inside joke had lasted between the brothers far too long at this point for Joel to forget. He and his brothers tended to be the kind to hold onto terms like that for reference later, especially if the term in question was stupid, funny, or an unintended innuendo.

Next thing Joel knew, hours had passed, the sun long gone below the horizon. They moved from the table to the “love seat”. It was a two-cushioned couch, meant for only two people, but Joel, Jimmy, and Grian have made it work when none of them were in the mood to sacrifice the prime spot and sit on the floor.

“Tim, get your boney hip away!” Grian shoved Jimmy away from him and toward Joel, which only resulted in protests from Jimmy and the loss of Joel’s couch space. 

“Jeez, man! Grian!” Jimmy tried to slap away Grian’s efforts to avoid being forced off the couch. “I wasn’t even that close! Stop shoving!” 

“Don’t make me kick you both out of my flat,” Joel threatened, resisting Jimmy’s intrusion in his space and pushing him back towards Grian. 

“You wouldn’t do that to your favorite brothers!” Grian countered, wings fluffing out. 

“You’re my only brothers,” Joel deadpanned, his wolf-like ear twitching. “And yes, I would. Would you like to test me?” 

“Guys!” Jimmy whined as he was seesawed back and forth between his older brothers. 

…it didn’t always work.

Etho and him fit just well on the sofa, and it helped that Joel didn’t mind when they brushed against each other. In fact, Etho’s touch felt electric, perhaps magnetic, drawing Joel in despite his reservations. As someone who wasn’t huge on physical contact from others, that desire caught him off guard. He didn’t fully know what to do with himself, but that didn’t stop him nor Etho from shifting closer and finding excuses to come into contact.

“Stop touching me!” Joel ordered in a whine, maybe eight years old. 

“I’m not touching you!” Grian’s finger hovered over Joel’s skin, close enough Joel’s hairs could inform him of where Grian was touching without him having to look. 

Joel smacked his hand away, but that didn’t deter his brother. “Yes you are!” 

“No I’m not!” Grian continued to be a nuisance, as most younger brothers tended to be. 

That memory occurred so long ago that Joel couldn’t recall how it ended.

Either way, even when ignoring the physical, Joel still found it odd how easy Etho was to talk to. It was like they had known each other their whole lives, and were just meeting to catch up. Joel had never gotten along with a stranger this well, especially when he wasn’t doing his best to behave. Sucking up to authority to hide that he was a menace in every other situation was more of a Grian tactic than his. Joel was more likely to be unapologetically himself and suffer whatever consequences came with that.

Not that Etho was an authority, hells no! Etho was an equal; they were on the same playing field. They just fit together like adjacent puzzle pieces. Etho seemed to get him, and Joel relished in the fact that his quips and teasing were well-received. As Etho grew comfortable, he began reciprocating the jabs in his own witty way. 

Joel loved hi- it. 

“It’s getting late,” Joel announced with mild regret, finding himself not wanting the night to end. Stars, was he falling for Etho already? His brothers would never let that go if they knew. 

“That it is,” Etho acknowledged with a slight frown.

His eyes followed Joel’s gaze to the skylight he had installed, positioned to allow for sunlight while maintaining privacy from those walking around outside. The day’s light was far gone now, but the stars were visible and he didn’t have to worry about onlookers, and that was more than enough for Joel. 

The stars were truly gorgeous this time of year, bright and twinkling on the cloudless night. Maybe Joel would be able to show Etho at some point. They could find a nice place to lie down and stargaze… would Etho enjoy something like that?

What is wrong with me? Joel cried inwardly, wanting to shove his face into his hands and half-groan half-scream his feelings out. Instead of groan-screaming, he tried to muffle a yawn into Etho’s shoulder before hugging Etho’s arm like a stuffed animal and using his upper arm as a somewhat-boney pillow.

“Are you planning to stick around?” Joel asked in a sleepy murmur, more hopeful sounding than he would have preferred. He shifted so he could observe Etho’s reaction before expanding on his previous question. “Sticking around Woodland Forests, I mean.” “Maybe.” Etho hummed non-committedly, a falsely innocent grin tugging at his lips as his gaze pierced down through his soul. “Why? Do you want me to stick around?”

Sly fox, Joel’s mentally accused with feigned annoyance, like he wouldn’t do similar in Etho’s situation. 

“As if!” Joel scoffed, though he made no effort to move. “I just wanted to know if you planned to use my shop to coward again or not.”

“It was not cowering,” Etho corrected, nay insisted. “I was simply using the resources at my disposal to avoid an undesired situation, like being smart and clever and stuff.”

“Sure,” Joel rolled his eyes, though there was no bite behind the motion. He struggled to hide how happy he was, which was easy considering the weariness that pulled at his limbs. It was past his bedtime, as he had woken early that day to work on his sculpting.

If Etho said something else, Joel didn’t catch it, half-slipping into unconsciousness. Perhaps he would have fully entered the dream realm, but something alerted him enough to jump with a start, forcing Joel back into the awake world. He partially sat up, brushing his hair out of his face– when had he let it down?– as he blinked rapidly in confusion. “Huh? Wha?” “Shh, it’s okay,” Etho soothed, arms securely around Joel as he whispered into his ear. Joel settled back down and Etho’s fingers returned– returned? How did he know that?– to combing through Joel’s brown locks. If Etho were anyone else, Joel may have been embarrassed, but… no one had to know. Not when Joel wanted it so bad, wanted that comfort. “Sleep, don’t worry. I got you.” A soft ecstasy covered him like a warm blanket, constant and overwhelming, but also secure and not too much to handle. Joel wasn’t sure if the emotion was dulled by his half-awake state, or if it was just another thing that his soulmate unintentionally shared through their soulbound. Before he could think about it too hard, Joel lost hold on his intelligent thoughts, slipping into the world of the unconscious.

If Joel had taken a moment to step back, perhaps he would have noticed the signs earlier. Grian and Jimmy teased him for being dense, but how did they expect Joel to connect the dots when Etho’s presence was so natural, much like he had been there the whole time? There was no “adjustment period” or significant effort put into getting used to living together. They just were. 

“What inspired this?” Etho inquired one day, not too far in the future. 

“What inspired what?” Joel responded with his own question, shifting his attention from his busy work– from creating bowls to sell for profit– to Etho. “Hold on, give me a second, and I’ll look.” 

The arctic fox hybrid had spent a lot of time watching Joel work, as if he were studying techniques with nothing but his vision to aid him, but, those past few days, Etho turned his focus elsewhere. Instead of watching Joel create, he studied previous creations of Joel’s instead. 

Many sculptures perplexed him, Joel could tell, but Etho denied the claim whenever Joel brought it up. Etho had reassured them that they were very good, just vaguely… familiar. Joel shrugged, not often having an answer for him. Perhaps the illustrations he committed to sculpted pottery weren’t as unique or specifically detailed as he thought his imagination was, not if Etho had seen such works before. 

Joel got to a stopping point, wiped his hands with the designated rag, and got up to join Etho where he was gawking. He froze as his gaze landed on a sculpted boat, one of his most prized creations. Joel had spent well over a month dedicated to specifically it– tending to every detail he could possibly think of including– so long that he even gave it a name. 

“The Relation. The relation-?” Etho read off the lettering Joel had meticulously added as a little inside joke to himself. Joel had thought it was hilarious, at the time, and Etho must have thought so too by the smile creased by his eyes. “The Relation Ship! Aha, I get it. That’s clever, I like it.” 

“Thanks,” Joel grumbled, carefully picking up the boat like it would break if he looked at it wrong to locate it somewhere else away from Etho. 

That must have confused Etho, for he scrunched his nose and tilted his head as if trying to view the situation from another angle. He didn’t protest Joel’s action, however, something Joel appreciated. Etho was good about that, not pushing Joel’s boundaries when it came to something clearly important to him. 

The Relation Ship wasn’t for other people to see, only Joel and his soulmate. His brothers hadn’t even seen it! Perhaps that was a little overprotective of him– perhaps silly or childish were better words– but The Relation Ship was one of the only things he and his soulmate shared! 

Joel hoped it was something they shared, at least.

No one could ever truly know what would be shared through one’s soulbound. One could make an educated guess or a half decent prediction, but nothing was for sure. Just because Joel saw flashes of sketched boats through his soulmate’s eyes via the soulbound link didn’t mean his soulmate received any notice of Joel’s recreation. 

He sometimes worried that they’d never see it, but that thought saddened him too much to linger on…

Okay, anyway–

There were times Joel and Etho simply existed together, doing their own things or working on nothing at all. Parallel play, he thought Etho called it when referring to that time at some point. He wasn’t sure, but either way, that wasn’t the point. The point was that Etho had started to hang around even while Joel sculpted, but not always to watch this time. Instead, Etho brought down some parchment from the loft that he had paid for himself and sketched whatever he fancied.

Despite Joel’s jabs at Etho for being a lousy freeloader, he was actually anything but. He did persuade Joel into letting him stay with him at his flat for free, despite all logic and good sense, but Etho strangely didn’t disappoint. Etho made himself useful, helping keep the flat clean and going out into town for odd jobs. Apparently Etho was handy with redstone– a sort of magical technology Joel only knew the basics of– brushing off the skill as just a hobby despite his expertise. He raked in more than enough money to earn his keep.

Based on what Joel knew about his handiness and tendency to be creative in his crafts of choice, he shouldn’t have been surprised when Etho asked, “Can you teach me?” 

“Teach you?” Joel prompted, raising an eyebrow. “Teach you what? To sculpt? To be as hot and sexy as me?” 

Etho snorted in amusement, tail swaying idly behind him, though all he said aloud was “Yes.” 

“To be hot and sexy? That’s not a teachable skill, unfortunately, for you would have come to the right place. Luckily for you, you already do fine– just not as good as me, of course,” Joel joked lightheartedly before answering what he assumed was Etho’s real question. “If you want to learn to sculpt, on the other hand, you’ll have better luck with a master.” 

Etho mulled over Joel’s response for several heartbeats, so long that Joel hadn’t expected the conversation to continue any further. He had gone back to what he was doing when Etho spoke again, “Are you not a master?” 

Pride bubbled up in his chest as he straightened his posture and wagged his tail, beaming brightly at Etho. “Not officially, no, but I’m flattered you think I’ve mastered the craft already.” 

“Have you not?” Etho glanced at some of Joel’s nearby works that he decided to keep when they were finished, skeptical of Joel’s not-yet-mastary. 

“Ha!” Joel threw his head back in a dog-ish– wolf-ish?– bark. “Hells no.” 

They both filled a hole in the other’s life, one that neither of them fully realized had been empty. Joel found himself enjoying the company, something he’d been missing with his brothers off doing their own things. It didn’t help that Joel tended to isolate himself in his studio, zoned in on his projects and nothing else. Business transactions and small talk had nothing on a genuine friendship. 

Without his brothers there as often, he had no one to watch after or drag him out to do things he claimed he didn’t want to do. Joel hadn’t realized just how lonely he had become until he got a taste, much like a sip of water after unintentionally slipping into dehydration. He just couldn’t get enough.

Now, It had been a little over a year since Etho had entered his life, and Joel was eternally grateful for it. His lonesome flat had become more lively with Etho’s things added among Joel’s and sketches Etho had gifted Joel pinned up in a gallery to decorate the walls. It was perfect, their relationship was perfect, but their understanding of their status was… admittedly embarrassing, to say the least.

“What do you mean he’s not your boyfriend?” Grian exclaimed a little too loudly, flabbergasted.

“Quiet!” Joel growled under his breath, rough and rumbley as a byproduct of his wolf genetics.  “I don’t need the entirety of Woodland Forests in my business!”

“Fine!” Grian huffed back, mildly irritated at the correction, but not enough to refuse submitting to Joel’s request. He repeated himself, this time at a lower sound level. “What do you mean he’s not your boyfriend? Haven’t you two been dating this whole time?”

“Yeah,” Jimmy agreed with Grian, seemingly astounded by this news, “I thought you had found your soulmate and started dating him, and just didn’t want to tell us directly yet for some reason–”

Joel pursed his lips, ears flattening back against his head. He didn’t want to admit anything, but with his brothers looking at him so expectantly, and, well… there wasn’t much they could hide from each other for long. “We haven’t talked about it.”

“It?” Grian parroted, the word pitching up an octave with his disbelief. “It? Joel, I can’t believe you–”

“Why not?�� Jimmy cut in before Grian could say more, face all contorted and bewildered. “Don’t you like him?” “Of course I like him!” Joel snapped, face growing red with embarrassment and shame. He groaned, leaning forward as he tangled his fingers in his hair. The tug on his scalp was just enough stimulation to distract his mind from blowing a fuse and doing something he’d regret. 

“Then what’s the problem?” Grian questioned, not granting Joel any empathy. “You like him, you’re soulmates, you’ve been functionally dating for months now– what’s the issue? Honestly, where is it, ‘cause I don’t see one.”

“It’s not that simple!” Joel claimed with a desperate wail, tugging harsher on his scalp. Jimmy shifted closer to Joel, taking a more sympathetic approach. He wrapped his arm around his shoulder and rested his wing against the back of his torso, but he didn’t say anything. Not yet. “You of all people should understand, Grian, with Scar, and with–”

“Yes, and I’d be the first to admit that I was an idiot in my youth,” Grian deadpanned, before sighing. “Joel, I would have saved a lot of heartache if I just was transparent with Scar years ago. I am passing on that advice I had to learn the hard way for you and your soulmate–”

“I don’t even know if Etho is my soulmate…” Joel murmured defeatedly, hands dropping from his unstyled hair to his lap. He curled his tail close to his body, so tightly that the end of the wolf’s tail was close enough for Joel to fidget with the end of it. “Not for sure, anyway. I mean, I have a hunch, but how can I really be sure when–”  “But you want it to be true, don’t you?” Jimmy spoke up, far more caring than Joel deserved. Joel was supposed to be the responsible, mature caregiver of the trio. He wasn’t supposed to be the one needing help. That wasn’t a job for the youngest nor the middle child, yet here they were… 

“Of course I do,” Joel’s voice cracked as he squeezed his eyes shut, tears trickling down his cheeks. “How could I not? I mean, I love– like him! Stars, how could I not like him? I wish I knew, for this… infatuation is such a problem.”

“I can’t believe you just called what you and Etho have an in-fat-u-a-tion,” Grian drawled out that last word. “You two have been living like a married couple for months! I don’t know how else to tell you that that is not ‘infatuation’, mate.”

“Even if it was, how is that a problem?” Jimmy leaned his head against Joel’s shoulder, arm still wrapped around him as he idly twirled and curled Joel’s hair around his fingers. “Does he not like you back like that? Or do you mean to say he’s not a romantic soulmate? A platonic one, perhaps? I have a friend like that, you know, and there’s nothing wrong with it, they’re happy–”

“Our relationship is anything but platonic,” Joel corrected, smiling weakly at the thought of what they had being anything else, as if it were amusing or something to entertain themselves with. No one looked at only a friend like Joel and Etho looked at each other. Joel’s smile fell and he bit the inside of his lip with his canine teeth. “I just… I don’t want to fuck it up.”

Grian took a deep breath, presumingly to calm himself down before he allowed his annoyance at Joel’s dumbassary to influence his comments anymore. “The only way you’re going to fuck it up is if you don’t do anything about it.”

Jimmy nodded briefly in agreement. “At the end of the day, it’s better to know than to live in this limbo of inbetween.”

Joel didn’t respond right away as he mulled over their words. He sniffed as he dried his eyes with his sleeve. “When did you two grow up and get so wise?”

Grian and Jimmy didn’t respond with any sort of actual answer, instead mwah-ing kisses all around him in between cooing playful sentiments at him. Joel swatted them away lightheartedly, not using most of his strength so he didn’t accidently hurt them. “Oh, enough you two! Fuck off!”

His brothers only giggled in response, and Joel couldn’t help but join the chorus. 

They were right though. He had to do something about it. If he didn’t, he feared he might burst.

That was a bit of an over exaggeration, but he’s always been good at those.

Joel had gotten his wish to show Etho the stars properly fulfilled multiple times before, stargazing even becoming one of their favorite pastimes. Etho had built a reputation for himself, meaning he got rather busy, and Joel still maintained his business, but they tried to find time to stargaze at least once a week, even if it was from the comfort of their flat. 

It didn’t matter to Joel if they went out to lay in the grassy outdoors or if they chose to observe the constellations through the lens of their flat’s skylight. As long as they got to have that time, he was content. Honestly, as long as Etho acknowledged Joel’s existence, he was over the moon.

…maybe he had fallen for the arctic fox hybrid a bit harder than he first guessed.

Huh. Anyway– 

Now Joel’s never done yoga or anything, but he was fairly confident that their stargazing had that same sort of meditative effect. Ever since Etho and Joel decided to make stargazing a regular event, Joel’s found himself less quick to anger or prone to explode. The urges and impulses were still there, of course, but they had… dulled. They’d become more manageable. 

Joel couldn’t recall the last time he’s gotten in a tiff with a merchant or pissed off the guards enough to spend the night in a cell. Maybe his brothers had been right this whole time. Maybe having something– someone worth coming home to actually did help. Joel had always been too full of himself– too arrogant– to actually ever take their advice.

Speaking of his brothers’ advice…

“Etho?” Joel broke the silence cautiously, though he didn’t yet lift his head from Etho’s shoulder.

They two laid under the skylight staring at the stars with pillows supporting their heads and a large blanket draped over them to share. Etho laid flat on his back with his arm under Joel as Joel sandwiched his right arm between them and rested his left arm on Etho’s chest, hand over his sternum.

Etho didn’t respond at first, making Joel worry he had fallen asleep just as he had gathered his nerve, but those anxieties dissolved once Joel shifted just enough to see Etho’s face only to find it flushed pale pink. The pale pink always looked so lovely against the snow-white of Etho’s hair and fur, and Joel found pleasure in eliciting a blush from him. “Whatcha looking at?”

“You.” The word flowed from Etho’s lips so smoothly that Joel had half the will to deny its genuinity. 

Joel’s own blush killed any notion of doing so, however. “Okay, sure, yeah. Whatever you say, Etho.”

Etho’s breathing hitched, followed by what Joel could almost swear was an “Oh, snap–”  

What a blummin’ dork, Joel couldn’t help but think, huffing a laugh. “You okay there?”

“Yeah,” Etho whispered airily out as he turned his head to bury his face against the base of Joel’s hair, his fingers absentmindedly messing with the ending strands. “Yep, yep, everything’s okay here.”

Joel kept his hair well-maintained, a requirement for being allowed long hair as a child, and he has simply kept it up into adulthood. Fidgeting with it became a staple for not only himself, but his brothers, and apparently anyone else who managed to get close enough, proved by Etho.

Their unplanned detour led to Joel momentarily forgetting the intentions he had for tonight so, instead of using the silence as an opportunity to bring it up again, he stayed quiet, simply enjoying Etho’s presence. 

For better or for worse, Etho pressed a close lip kiss against the top of his head before speaking again, “I’m always a sucker for how you say my name, no matter how many times you do it. Actually, I’m just a sucker for you in general, to be honest.”

Joel detached himself from Etho’s torso, sitting up and looking down at the fox hybrid, ignoring the way Etho made his heart flutter like nothing else. The sensation only became more intense with their soulbound. Was he making Etho feel the same way?

Etho rose to sit up alongside him, a glimpse of fear on his features. Joel resisted a frown, instead deciding to tease his soulmate– his soulmate!– by leaning into the “Eefo” pronunciation that came with his native Woodland Forests accent. 

“What a cheesy romantic you are, Etho,” Joel jested with faux and playful disgust. Ugh, when had he become such a sap for this man?

“Could you blame me?” Etho didn’t wait for an answer, cupping Joel’s face gingerly. Joel melted into Etho’s hold, letting his eyes flutter close. He placed his own hand over the one cupping his face, partly to help support the weight of his head and partly to nonverbally convince Etho to not let go. 

As this happened, Joel did his best to ignore the way his tail involuntarily wagged like an excitable dog, thumping against the blankets with a dulled thump, thump, thump. As bad as that was, he worked even harder to get his brothers’ childhood teases about him really being part dog further away. Joel didn’t need their comments in their head right now, as deserved as they may be.

Stars above, how had he managed to delude himself of Etho’s feelings when he acted like this? 

“Can you blame me,” Etho asked again, “for being sappy when I have you as a soulmate?”

Joel’s eyes flew open as his body went all tense and rigid, hand falling to his side. “You knew?”

“I’ve had a hunch for awhile,” Etho admitted, scratching the back of his neck and not looking Joel in the eyes, “but I wasn’t sure, because you never said anything, but, uh, yeah.”

Laughter bubbled in his chest and spilled out of him, less out of joy and more out of shock. Joel’s unexpected laughter must have caught Etho off guard for he hesitantly checked in with, “Your reaction confirms that we are, right? And that you’re… good with it, and want me too– want me like I want you– and–?”

“Yes!” Joel tried to contain himself, but he wasn’t very successful. Tears welled in the corners of his eyes, threatening to spill over. “Yes, of course, you beautiful, blummin’ idiot.”

“I– You really have a way with words, don’t you?” Etho replied sarcastically, though no negativity could be detected among the sarcasm. “I’m, like– I’m getting mixed signals here, Joel.”

Joel rolled his eyes affectionately, throwing his leg over Etho’s legs so he could practically sit on his lap facing towards his soulmate. Joel tugged on the collar of Etho’s top until they were close enough for their lips to brush and for Joel to feel Etho’s breath on his face. He didn’t try to contain his tail this time, and Etho didn’t appear to either. 

“You talk too much.” Not true in the slightest, especially with Joel being the more talkative one out of the pair, but logic and rationale weren’t exactly on his mind at the moment. “You should do something about that.”

Etho pulled Joel flush against him, using the fat just above Joel’s hip bone to secure his grip. His lips parted briefly, as if he were going to respond with some sort of witty retort. Before he could get anything out, Joel traced his tongue against the ridges of his sharp canines, effectively attracting Etho’s attention. His soulmate’s pupils dilated, their mutual desire only amplified by their soulbound.

Their lips collided like two forces of nature fighting to consume the other. They devoured each other, intoxicated with each give and take, getting lost in their venture for pleasure and bliss. The ever present want refused to die down now that it was given what it had yearned for for so long. Joel knew it would be difficult to stop once they started, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care.

It was difficult for Joel to differentiate where he started and Etho began, especially with the building sensations they traded back and forth. Joel understood his brothers actions and mindset in accordance to their soulmates a whole lot better now, a realization that brought a strange sense of enlightenment. 

Euphoria pulsed through his veins, and he never wanted to stop. Not when he’s wanted so long, not when they have needed each other for so long…

Neither he nor Etho knew what the future held for them, but something told Joel that, as long as they had each other, they were more than ready to take on the challenge. Joel wanted nothing more than to see where life would continue to take them. Etho was worth it and more, after all, but don’t tell him Joel said that. He would tell Etho himself in due time, but the proper words could come later. For now, though, Joel enjoyed what they shared, and he knew Etho felt the same, and that was more than enough for him.

If you got this far, please like and reblog, and maybe even kudos and comment over on AO3! Thank you kindly, I appreciated it <33

[chenechen]

oh y'all poor creatures

[flanaganfilm]

Mr. Flanagan, I’d like to ask a question and I deeply hope that it does not offend or upset you. I am strongly considering canceling my Netflix subscription due to their new password sharing policy. However, Midnight Mass is one of my favorite shows of all time and I know it isn’t available on DVD, and I’m also profoundly anticipating your take on my favorite Edgar Allen Poe story. So I wanted to ask your take on people accessing your work through, uh, other means. If it’s something that’s offensive to you or will harm you or the other people who work so hard on these shows, I’ll happily keep my Netflix just so that I can keep supporting your work. I respect you far too much as an artist to do otherwise.

Again, I really hope I’m not upsetting you by asking this question. Thank you for everything, and I hope you’re having a great day!

(NOTE 6/4/2024: I'm editing this entry because, well over a year since it was posted, some journalists dug this up and used it to create click-bait headlines that are misleading, out of context and artificially combative. While I was of course disappointed over the years that Netflix opted not to release my work on physical media, I never experienced any hostility or aggression in those discussions, and I sincerely regret the manner in which this post was used in the press this week.)

Hi there - no offense taken whatsoever, in fact I think this is a very interesting and important question.

So. If you asked me this a few years ago, I would have said "I hate piracy and it is hurting creators, especially in the independent space." I used to get in Facebook arguments with fans early in my career when people would post about seeing my work on torrent sites, especially when that work was readily available for rent and purchase on VOD.

Back in 2014, my movie Before I Wake was pirated and leaked prior to any domestic release, and that was devastating to the project. It actually made it harder to find distribution for the film. By the time we were able to get distribution in the US, the film had already been so exposed online that the best we could hope for was a Netflix release. Netflix stepped in and saved that movie, and for that I will always be grateful to them.

However...

Working in streaming for the past few years has made me reconsider my position on piracy.

In the years I worked at Netflix, I tried very hard to get them to release my work on blu-ray and DVD.

It became clear very fast that their priority was subscriptions, and that they were not particularly interested in physical media releases of their originals, with a few exceptions.

While companies like Netflix pride themselves on being disruptors, and have proven that they can affect great change in the industry, they sometimes fail to see the difference between disruption and damage. So much that they can find themselves, intentionally or not, doing harm to the concept of film preservation.

The danger comes when a title is only available on one platform, and then - for whatever reason - is removed.

We have already seen this happen. And it is only going to happen more and more. Titles exclusively available on streaming services have essentially been erased from the world. If those titles existed on the marketplace on physical media, like HBO's Westworld, the loss is somewhat mitigated (though only somewhat.) But when titles do not exist elsewhere, they are potentially gone forever.

The list of titles that have been removed from streaming services is growing.

I still believe that where we put our dollars matters. Renting or buying a piece of work that you like is essential. It is casting a vote, encouraging studios - who only speak the language of money - to invest more effort into similar work. If we show up to support distinct, unique, exciting work, it encourages them to make more of it. It's as simple as that. If we don't show up, or if they can't hear our voice because we are casing our vote "silently" through torrent sites or other means - it makes it unlikely that they will take a chance to create that kind of work again.

Which is why I typically suggest that if you like a movie you've seen through - uh - other means, throw a few dollars at that title on a legitimate platform. Rent it. Purchase it. Support it.

But if some studios offer no avenue for that kind of support, and can (and will) remove content from their platform forever... frankly, I think that changes the rules.

Netflix will likely never release the work I created for them on physical media, though I'll always hold out hope.

Some of you may say "wait, aren't The Haunting of Hill House and The Haunting of Bly Manor available on blu-ray and DVD?" Yes, they are, because they were co-produced with Paramount, and I'm grateful that Paramount was able to release and protect those titles. (I'm also grateful that those releases include extended cuts, deleted scenes, and commentary tracks. There are a number of fantastic benefits to physical media releases.)

But a lot of the other work I did there are Netflix originals, without any other studio involvement. Those titles - like Midnight Mass, The Midnight Club, and the upcoming Fall of the House of Usher - along with my Netflix exclusive and/or original movies Before I Wake and Gerald's Game - have no such protections. The physical media releases of those titles are entirely at Netflix's discretion, and don't appear to be priority for the studio at this time.

At the moment, Netflix seems content to leave Before I Wake, Gerald's Game, Midnight Mass, and The Midnight Club on the service, where they still draw audiences. I don't think there is a plan to remove any of them anytime soon. But plans change, the industry changes.

The point is things change, and each of those titles - should they be removed from the service for any reason - are not available anywhere else. If that day comes - if Netflix's servers are destroyed, if a meteor hits the building, if they are bought out by a competitor and their library is liquidated - I don't know what the circumstances might be, I just know that if that day comes, some of the work that means the most to me in the world would be entirely erased.

Or, what if we aren't so catastrophic in our thinking? What if it the change isn't so total? What if Netflix simply bumps into an issue with the license they paid for music (like the Neil Diamond songs that play such a crucial role in Midnight Mass), and decide to leave the show up but replace the songs?

This has happened before as well - fans of Northern Exposure can get the show on DVD and blu-ray, but the music they heard when the series aired has been replaced due to the licensing issues. And the replacements - chosen for their low cost, not for creative reasons - are not improvements. What if the shows are just changed, and not by creatives, but by business affairs executives?

All to say that physical media is critically important. Having redundancy in the marketplace is critically important. The more platforms a piece of work is available on, the more likely it is to survive and grow its audience.

As for Netflix, I hope sincerely that their thinking on this issue evolves, and that they value the content they spend so much money creating enough to protect it for posterity. That's up to them, it's their studio, it's their rules. But I like to think they may see that light eventually, and realize that exclusivity in a certain window is very cool... but exclusivity in perpetuity could potentially limit the audience and endanger the work itself.

[venusandsaturnsrings]

you sighed heavily, zoning out on some of the elaborate wallpaper in front of you as your friend chattered on enthusiastically at your side.

last week, they had burst into your workplace with an expression so anxious you had thought something was seriously wrong. they went on to elaborate that famous director mr. reca was on penacony and having a surprise casting call and, as a member of the iris family, they just needed to go and audition but the idea of standing in front of such a well known face in the cinema world had them more panicked than they’d ever been before. whining endlessly about how they were so very nervous but couldn’t possibly miss such an opportunity, you easily picked up what exactly they wanted; you to go with them. sighing you offered your companionship partially as a good friend and partially to make the other workers stop glaring daggers, you finally chased them out the door as they promised to meet you at the studio on the weekend.

now in a long line of other actors and actresses hoping to finally get a breakthrough part, the number pinned hastily to your chest was starting to irritate you on top of not wanting to be here in the first place. agreeing so quickly was looking more like a mistake as you were realizing you had no experience or anything prepared and you’d soon be standing in front of a man who’d scrutinize your every move; a real nightmare in the dream.

it took a surprisingly short amount of time for your friend to be whisked away into the audition room with its heavy soundproof doors and you had to stand alone coming to terms with how much of a fool you’d look like. a brief thought of running flitted through your brain as you nervously tapped your foot but before any commitment to bolting could arise, you were ushered in.

the room was elegant but felt unbelievably sterile with the marble floors and delicate chandelier. behind a large wooden table stacked with folders, notes, and expensive looking pens was the man you dreaded explaining this predicament to. with piercing eyes and a predatory smile, mr. reca seemed unnervingly interested in what you’d go on to show him; nothing, unfortunately. you took your place in the centre of the room and awkwardly cleared your throat before dumping a word vomit of an apology and explanation filled with ‘i can’t act for shit,’ and ‘i’m sorry for wasting your time.’ he nodded with a low hum and seemed almost sympathetic as he tapped a finger against his lips while thinking.

“you’re here now and your… appearance… seemed perfectly suited to a personal project of mine i can’t seem to get out of my head,” his smile was unnerving in a way, “humour me and try out a couple poses at the least. such a role would come with magnificent compensation.” not the response you expected but you figured he was owed something for such a fumble. upon your agreement he had you shift into numerous positions that made your face flush with embarrassment but mr. reca seemed beyond pleased if his praise meant anything.

“magnificent. please, i’d love to have you star in a this minor film of mine. such a project will only take a few afternoons and i’ll make sure it’s worth your time.”

it’s the next week when you’re at his home. he welcomes you with a neat suffocating hug and offers numerous snacks and drinks as a show of good will. it’s quite charming until he takes you to where he’s set up for the first scenes.

the room is dim, lit by ambient lighting only and silk ribbons drape across the room. in the middle is a bed covered in luxurious sheets and soft blankets with a table on each side holding a variety of lewd toys; your face is warm. mr. reca cheerfully points to every object explaining the purpose and how it’ll be used after fiddling with all the different locks on the door to successfully trap you in. suddenly you feel sweaty and your chest is tight as you shiver uncontrollably. his personal film was an adult film. he dangles the previously signed contract over your head with a promise to publicly humiliate you if you don’t, “strip and put on these pieces,” a lacy pair of panties and a bra that hides nothing. he’s throwing a pair of stockings at your chest as well before making some adjustments on his camera. with no choice, you change and pray that this will be over soon but the sinking feeling in your gut says otherwise when you see he’s undressing as well.

[heegyukeluv]

love-battery (lhs) - req

pairing: heeseung x afab!reader

synopsis: Heeseung always would make you feel recharged just by being around. And you did the same to him.

my's note: hi hello here's a very fluff cute little thing! it's a request (thank you for requesting <3), so i hope you like it!!!! (have to say that when i chose the name of this fic, the jinyoung's song with similar name started to play on my head non-stop help)

warnings: skinship, established relationship, fluff, pet names, explicit language (i can't help myself. i'll always use at least one 'fuck' lol).

request: clingy gf with heeseung and it’s super cute and they’re in love, she really just misses him (here!)

wc: 3k

NOT PROOFREAD.

Even with your boyfriend’s tight schedule and the fact you both lived quite far from each other, you and Heeseung always managed ways to meet up and hang out for at least an hour or so – enough to work as a full recharge for Heeseung.

However, for the last whole month you only saw Heeseung three times. You were used to seeing him almost every day, either by going to his and staying for a bit or he coming to yours for the same reason, and it was pissing you off how annoying adult life was being so far, unabling you to do your daily basis chores, let alone drive to Heeseung’s studio to be with him.

Heeseung normally had a tough routine as a producer by spending long hours in his studio, staying up all night working on his music and constantly dealing with tight deadlines. Your favorite hobby was to grab a coffee and some snacks to surprise him by showing up unexpectedly; and of course, to sit on his lap while he kept doing his things. 

But now you were the one fighting against time, as you had to deal with your last year in college, struggling with your final project and with your respective project partners – who would have thought that working with people would lead you to be that stressed, huh?

Your life was a total mess at this point, your sleep schedule chaotic, your body aching, begging for a pause to get some proper rest, but you really couldn’t give yourself that luxury; all the submission dates getting closer and closer making you go crazy in desperation.

And on top of that, you haven’t seen your boyfriend, the main source of your happiness, in almost two weeks.

“This is so frustrating, Hee,” you said with a realistic sad tone, when you decided to ignore the blank page on your laptop waiting for a new plot to pop up in your mind, and give your love life a little more attention, calling Heeseung. “It’s almost like the world doesn't want us to be together.”

“Don’t say such things, my love. Not even as kidding,” he interrupted you to say with a gentle voice. “We’re going to figure out something, yeah?”

“I’m sorry, Hee. But– I’m dealing with a bunch of stupid assignments with stupid deadlines in this stupid degree I chose, and you’ve told me early this week that you were pretty chill with your work. But I didn’t even have time to invite you over the days you said you’re free! Not to mention that if you were here I’d be paying more attention to you and getting fucked with my project.”

“Y/N–”

“And when I’m free you’re the one swamped with work! And, please, I’m not blaming you, babe, please don’t take it the wrong way. I love you and I love that you can work with the thing you’re passionate about. I’m just… Frustrated,” you unloaded with a long sigh, voice trembling a bit since your feelings were, also, a mess and your heart aching. “And I miss you so much. I wish we lived a bit closer, so we could meet more often in moments like this.”

You heard Heeseung soft breathing through the phone. He decided to let you vent instead of cutting you off, because he, more than anyone, knew how overwhelmed you felt whenever you had to deal with submission dates and projects. It was your third project in your whole degree, this one being the most important one, and Heeseung saw you in shambles during your working time in the smaller ones, fully understanding how hard it has been with this final one.

“I’m sorry you’re having to go through all of this, pretty girl,” you could feel the comfort in his tender, sweet tone. You wiped out a single tear that tried to escape your eyes, curving yourself into a little ball on your couch. “But you don’t have to do this alone, my love,” you heard a weird noise through his phone, very similar to a door unlocking. Your door unlocking. You frowned. “Don’t freak out, bae. I’m entering your apartment right now.”

Your heart dropped in your chest. “What?” You whispered in disbelief, your phone falling off from your hand, your eyes widening as you watched your boyfriend walk through the front door, smiling big and bright at you.

His dark red hair was attractively messy because of the motorcycle helmet. He also carried a big backpack on his back and a plastic bag with the logo of your favorite food place.

“You’re kidding me,” your voice was barely a whisper at this point, your lips curving into a smile that grew bigger and bigger, still finding it hard to believe that the man talking to you on your phone was now in front of you. Your beloved boyfriend was now in front of you. “Lee fucking Heeseung!” You almost squealed, walking in his direction right after he put his helmet and his backpack on the ground, to jump on his open arms which were waiting to embrace you in a tight hug.

Your legs instantly wrapped around his waist and your arms on his shoulders, his firm hands gripping on your thighs to hold you close and steady as you buried your face on his neck, inhaling his scent as if it was your favorite drug. You heard Heeseung chuckling at your reaction and you finally noticed how fast your heart was beating, everything feeling unreal. All the frustration you felt waving off your body quickly.

“Hi, baby,” Heeseung said in an affectionate way, with you still hidden on the curve of his neck, making him let out a small laugh at your adorableness. He missed you so much.

Your fingers tangled in his soft hair, pulling him into yourself as if you could become one before you started to kiss every piece of his exposed skin, from his jawline to close to his ear, to his cheek, the tip of his nose and finally his glistening, dreamy lips.

Heeseung let out a contented sigh when he felt your sweet taste, walking carefully through the living room so he could sit on the couch with you on his lap, the contact never breaking. He deepened the kiss by slightly brushing his tongue on your bottom lip, electricity running all over his body once you let him in to feel him closer, so intimately; his hands sneaked into your shirt, caressing the bare skin of your waist just because he needed to touch, to feel you more.

“I missed you so much, my love,” you whispered when you parted away to catch your breath, pecking his lip countless times as you said “Missed. You. So. Much. Oh. My. God,” and the last one lasted a bit longer, making Heeseung giggle and kiss you properly one more time. 

“I missed you too, pretty.”

Heeseung was looking at you with so much love, his eyes sparkling in joy for finally having you that close, touching, kissing you. He caressed your cheek while his gaze wandered all your face features, as if he was trying to memorize every one of them, completely endeared by your beauty.

Heeseung looked at you as if he just discovered what love is. 

You weren’t different, though. Your soft touch on his strands of hair, scratching slightly as your contemplated every piece of your very good-looking boyfriend, not holding yourself when your fingers started gently to trace his face; his big deer eyes now turned into little crescents, his pretty nose that you loved to kiss, the little charming mole on his forehead, and his so, so attractive lips adorning the most beautiful smile you ever had the chance to see. You were so in love.

Heeseung felt like he could stare at you all day and he would never feel tired, actually to have you close always worked as a battery recharge. And for you, Heeseung did the same, making all your bad feelings wash away easily because you had him, and you knew you could rely on him.

Ironically, the sound of your laptop on the coffee table indicating that its battery was running out, pulled you both out of your little love bubble, startling you slightly. The reality check hit you with full force, and the bottom of your stomach sank immediately.

You gulped, looking at Heeseung with a hint of sadness before you sighed and said, “Don’t get me wrong, I’m super happy you’re here, but I–”

“You have things to do, I know,” Heeseung cut you off mid-sentence. His kind voice, the small peck on your cheek, and his cute smile making you shiver and melt. “But don’t worry about me, okay? You do your things, I’ll be around for whenever you finish, and then we can cuddle,” he said simply, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear.

“You’re staying?” You questioned with eyes sparkling in confusion. “I don’t want you to mess up your sche–”

Heeseung now stopped your talking with a sweet kiss, and then another, and another, and one more just in case. “I’m staying, baby,” he chuckled at your tilted head, expressing that you were very much confused. “As I said before, I’m pretty chill this week,” he explained with a warm smile, mirroring yours. “Anything I have to do, I can do from my computer or phone, so I’m all yours this weekend, my love.”

Heeseung fell even deeply for you when he saw your eyes shining like you received the best news of your life. And for you, you actually did. To have your boyfriend for a whole weekend after days without being able to see each other, you truly thought you were dreaming. 

So to have Heeseung feeding you while your hands worked on your writing was definitely something that you hadn’t planned for your friday. He was openly giving his opinion as well after you cutely asked him to, paying attention to every detail you shared with him about the plot you were working on. 

“So your idea is that after he leaves the house, you give an extra zoom on the door knob because someone is going to open, even though the house is supposed to be empty?”

“Yes! And then it’s revealed to be actually his ‘dead’ twin!” You explained excitedly, noticing Heeseung gazing very passionately at you. You blushed, feeling suddenly too aware, because your story now has been read by someone other than you. “I– I know it’s kinda simple and boring, but I mean– I got the approval to keep working on it, so…” You shrugged, trying to act cool, but your pout was showing how insecure you actually felt.

“It’s not simple or anything bad, my love,” Heeseung couldn’t resist the urge of kissing your small pout as he reassured you. “It’s impressive how your creative mind works, I’m really proud,” he said with his voice filled with sincerity.

You gave him a shy smile before going back to writing, heart beating fast with his genuine words.

Heeseung never left your side. You needed him around you every single second, not only to compensate for the days you were apart, but because Heeseung was really your source of energy. So to write on your computer while having his fingers intertwined with yours became a natural activity during the moments you were working on your project. You could feel Heeseung’s love stare at your face during those moments, completely in love by your focused expression. 

Sometimes he would leave your touch to reply to some of his co-workers on his phone, giving them the attention they needed, but in the meantime his head would be resting on your shoulder, completely addicted to your touch and to having you close – his hair tickling your neck making you lose focus for a few minutes.  

You both wanted and needed each other with the same intensity. Heeseung always loved your clinginess, emphasizing how lovable you looked with your pouty face whenever he had to leave the bed to go to the bathroom or grab some food in the kitchen and “leave you to die alone”, like you normally would say in a very dramatic way. Especially because he himself was pretty clingy too, holding you in a tight back hug whenever you had to go back home after visiting him at his studio, refusing to let you leave his side.

To move in together was a big dream. However Heeseung always talked with you about finishing your studies first before committing your relationship on that instance, so you could have your freedom without him disrupting your focus; he also knew that he wasn’t ready to have you so close for that long, afraid of scaring you off by how much he would be around you, maybe losing his own concentration on his work. 

And this behavior was being shown at that moment, by you doing the lunch and him hugging you from behind.

“I have to be honest, I don’t really see this as ‘helping’, Hee,” you said with a playful chuckle, not really bothered by his big hands resting on your hips as well as his chin on your shoulder while you did all the work. He was clinging like a koala, making it challenging to move around the kitchen.

“What do you mean? I’m clearly helping you,” he said with a babyish voice, making you giggle. You could tell he was pouting too. “What if you get hurt? I have to be close, y’know? To save you from danger.”

You laughed hard, throwing your head behind and profusely resting it on his chest. “The danger?”

“Yeah, the knife and fire and stuff…” He explained like it was obvious.

You turned down the heat on the stove, moving away from it so you could face your boyfriend, just to meet his big, adorable eyes looking at you with a dramatically pleading expression. “You’re right,” you said softly, cupping his cheeks and planting a kiss on his lips. “Thank you for protecting me from the dangers of my kitchen,” you added a hint of sarcasm to your very affectionate tone, without holding your smile when he nodded proudly, before pulling you closer to kiss you properly as now your self-proclaimed hero. 

After you finished cooking – with Heeseung’s help, of course –, you both shared the meal, doing constant “love shots” but with your food, just so you could feel each other’s touch.

Heeseung didn’t let you go back to work on your project when you finished eating, saying you needed a bit of resting time with him. And how could you oppose such truthful words? 

So you spend quite a long time of your Saturday afternoon embraced in Heeseung’s arms and scent all over you, making it difficult to choose anything different from being on the bed cuddling him. 

After changing positions many times, you now were on top of Heeseung, face buried on his neck while he hummed some random song, hands gently caressing your back and scalp, making you wonder if taking a quick nap at that moment would mess up too much with your project work.

As if a sense of responsibility hit you, remembering all your deadlines and especially that you had to finish at least the plot writing by Monday – in two days –, you forced yourself to try to move away. Your body refused, though.

“I should go,” you said, muffed into his skin.

“Yeah, you should…” Heeseung added, not moving an inch to help you with that. In fact, he held you closer. Your warm body against his own helping him to relax. 

“Like, reeeally gotta go…” You didn’t move as well, trailing kisses all over his neck as you refused to get up.

“Definitely you do…” His voice was a bit raspy in a sweet, tender way that made it even harder for you to leave. He was about to fall asleep.

You sighed, “I missed being like this with you.” You lifted your head just enough to see his serene expression; eyes closed, lips slightly parted and a calm breathing. You almost cried with the fact that you truly needed to go back to your life instead of staying there with Heeseung. 

Your hands caressed his face with all the care in the world, making him open his eyes, “I missed it too, pretty. I miss you every moment I’m without you, actually.”

You noticed a soft flush  on Heeseung cheeks and giggled at the sight of your ‘so cool’ boyfriend blushing in front of you. 

You always appreciated how Heeseung was not only a good listener to your worries and maybe overwhelming thoughts, but also unafraid to show you his most sensitive and vulnerable side in order to make you comfortable on doing the same. You cherished his presence in your life with all you had, not being scared of loving him so openly, because he did the same for you. 

“I love you,” you whispered, leaning in to tease a kiss. He smiled against your lips, closing his eyes again.

“I love you too, my love,” he murmured, mirroring your tone and capturing your bottom lip with his own, to pull you near and finally kiss you. 

You decided to stay for a bit longer, because Heeseung’s hands roaming your body with such care and tenderness, his sweet mouth working on yours, and his loving whispers against your skin were too irresistible.

The best excuse you found for yourself was that you were revitalizing so you could work better, your creativity would flow easily and you would finish it in no time.

And, well, he would be around you anyway, because he just couldn’t never get enough of your pretty face, or your joyful presence, or your addicting warm touches.

After all, Heeseung always worked as a recharger to your love battery, and for him, you were no different.

[0nlythrowharrybeaux]

A Surprise^**

Hello friends, thank you so much for your patience. I ended up having quite a disastrous day and it took longer to finish editing! But here is the one shot based off of this request. Hope you like it!

Warnings: TW! abusive partner: mentions of love-bombing, gaslighting/accusations of infidelity, verbal arguments, intimidation tactics (psychological and physical), physical altercation between M/F ( described, but more intimidating than violent or aimed to hurt), physical altercation between M/M (not described but the aftermath is mentioned, bloody nosy type of thing), mentions of law enforcement and law enforcement processes. Mentions of sex, unprotected sex, oral (M/F receiving), fingering, unplanned pregnancy, ultrasound procedure.

WC: 18.2K

You were nervous as you rode up in the elevator. You weren’t claustrophobic or anything, so the feeling of it closing in on you was one you had no idea how to deal with. You were trying to keep your breathing as calm as possible and clearing your head of any irrational or negative thoughts, but it was truly a challenge. It had been a nearly a year since you and Harry had been in any space together and it was nerve-racking. What was originally supposed to be a month or two-long break, turned into all this time and distance. He said he wanted to talk and get some closure, which you thought was bull shit, and that’s why you were so nervous.

Before “the break” you and Harry had been dating for four years. Things had been going really well up until he started getting antsy to work again. You’d moved to London for him and now that he was finally “off” you saw that he was jumping into the next thing he could. You understood that he felt like he needed to do something with his time but soon enough he was back in the studio for hours at a time while you just hung out at his house. You lasted a year like that before you told him that you couldn’t do it anymore. You felt lonely in your relationship with him and you saw that he wasn’t ready to slow down and settle a bit like he said he was before. That was the whole reason why you’d even moved to London for him. So when you suggested a little time apart to have him sort through his priorities he freaked out on you. But the following morning the tune was different, he was more open to this idea of taking some time apart.

You had assured him over and over again that you loved him but that you were ready for the next step and he clearly wasn’t. He then assured you that you were the love of his life and that he’d take a month or two to just tie up all the loose strings with his current project and then focus back on your relationship. You even went back home to LA to give him all the space he needed. You checked in with each other a lot but when the two months were up you reached out and didn’t get a response back until two weeks later. Much to your dismay it was just an “I’m sorry.” And with tears in your eyes you just deleted the entire messaging feed you had with him.

A few months later you were back on the dating scene. One of your co-workers set you up with her cousin, Steven. He came off as sweet, smart, and mature. He mostly had his shit together from what she’d said and you had seen, so you gave him a real chance. Yeah, he was no Harry, but no one would ever equate to Harry, so you stopped comparing and got to know him for who he was. Soon enough you’d started to develop more feelings for Steven, he showered you in attention and time and affection, it was almost too much, you thought. But then you recalled that things had been so cold with Harry towards the end that maybe you just weren’t used it anymore. It wasn’t love-bombing, it was just a man who is interested in showing you what you meant to him. After two months of seeing him casually you started talking about the future, about starting a real, committed relationship. You talked about properly meeting each other’s families and taking serious steps forward, you were gearing up to properly move on with someone who clearly prioritized you! And then Harry called. 

He was jealous, you heard it in his voice when he called, but the fact that he was jealous pleased you in a way. Honestly, you thought you’d be so well off that when you spoke to him you’d feel above him somehow, but when you heard his voice your heart ached with longing and your small victory suddenly made you feel a bit sadistic. He then asked to see you to get some closure and you quickly agreed because you needed it too. But that’s how you ended up at his hotel just an hour later. So far you were just standing there at his hotel door just taking each other in. Quite frankly, you were just pleased you had made it out of the elevator alive. But it felt like it’d been ages and no time at all at the same time, your heart was racing in the confines of your chest, making it hard to breathe once again. It made you so happy, but hurt your heart at the same time to see him. It was so confusing, feeling relief and joy and disappointment all at the same time. 

“You look great.” He complimented you after a few moments of staring.

“Oh! Thanks.” You smiled timidly, “H-how are you?”

“I’m alright. Come on in.” He said moving aside and you wandered in. You sat at the couch in his suite as he headed to the kitchenette.

“Can I offer you some water or tea?” He asked.

“No, I’m alright.” You assured and he nodded before coming over to sit near you on the couch. You sat in silence for a few moments again before he chuckled in slight disbelief and shook his head.

“I can’t believe you’re actually here.” He confessed with a shake of his head.

“Me either.” You chuckled a bit humorlessly. He had wronged you…the only thing that you knew about him right now was that he did not love you as much as he said he did. If he did he wouldn’t have left you hanging like he had. “I guess I just…needed to see you one more time. I don’t think that we left off on a good note so-”

“Exactly. That’s why I wanted to see you.” He said leaning forward and taking your hand and your facade of stoicism and ease melted away immediately. The hurt from his actions just came to the surface and made a pang of pain ripple from your chest all the way out to your fingertips, you swore even your scalp hurt as his eyes met yours apologetically.

“Harry, it’s almost been a year.” You pointed out and he frowned.

“I know, love.” He confirmed, “And I haven’t even tried t-to apologize since that text I sent you.” He said and your eyes started welling up. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. I just…I got scared that if I took that step forward with you it meant that my work was gone.” He explained and you scoffed.

“Harry, no! When I asked you to slow down that’s all I meant. Slow down, not stop! I’d never tell you to stop.” You sighed, exasperated and upset that he even thought that you’d ever make him stop doing what he loved most, “I just wanted you to slow down a little and enjoy your life for yourself. Spend time with your mom and your sister and your cousins and nieces and nephews!” You vented, “W-with me.” You added towards the end and he nodded in understanding. “What you do with your work matters to me. I see how happy it makes you. And I don’t think I’ve ever done anything to make you feel like you couldn’t be honest with me about your priorities.” You said and he shook his head.

“You didn’t. I should’ve talked to you about it all, Y/N. I know I fucked up, big time, but I love you and-”

“No you don’t…” you interrupted with a scoff as you pulled your hand away from his, “You’re just jealous because I’m ready to move on with someone else now.” You said to him and he glanced up at the ceiling and smiled sadly.

“Yeah, of course I’m fucking jealous!” he confessed through a pained, breathy laugh, “And I still love you and whether you believe it or not because of my previous actions, I respect you and you deserve an apology. That’s why I wanted to see you.” He explained as his eyes met yours again, “I know that I’ve lost you, Y/N.” He said sadly, “Believe me, I didn’t come to try and talk you out of that decision. I just wanted to tell you, in person, that I love you with my whole heart. I should’ve fought for you. You showed me so much love and gave me all of your care and support all the time! I shouldn’t have been scared t-to talk about it. I shouldn’t have let you go.” He explained, “I’m going to have to live with that for the rest of my life, Y/N. I know that.” He sniffled and you wiped your tears carefully. “I just needed you to know that it’s not anything you did. I love you, even still, I think I’ll die loving you.” He said.

“Jesus, Harry…” you inhaled sharply before standing up quickly. You grabbed your purse from the coffee table and started rushing back to the door.

“Baby! Baby, baby, baby-” he rushed in front of you blocking the door, “J-just wait.” He sniffled, he looked panicked.

“Why should I?” You questioned him, “Why now?” You asked for clarity and he swallowed thickly, “You had this whole fucking time and now that I’m just about t-to forget about you, y-you show up and…” you trailed off as your anger boiled over and your tears started to trickle down your face more heavily.

“Y/N, I’m sorry-” He started.

“Y-you better not be trying to manipulate me!” You warned, your voice raised in accusation and he shook his head.

“I know it might seem that way b-but I’m not, love. I’m not looking for anything from you, I know I don’t deserve it. I just needed t-to see you and apologize to you and tell you how I feel before you wouldn’t entertain the idea of me in your presence ever again. And I know you probably hate me so much right now-” He explained and you inhaled sharply with a disappointed shake of your head.

“That’s the stupidest fucking part of this whole thing! I-” you stopped and shook your head, “I felt so happy when I heard from you.” You confessed, “And I still have so much love for you.” You sniffled and felt sick to your stomach just admitting it. You felt like an idiot for it.

You had gone over a very similar scenario in your head if not millions of times before while daydreaming or lying in bed. You dreamed of him coming back and apologizing and you having the strength to not come crawling back to him after whatever excuse he gave. Except you’d gotten it wrong. Harry wasn’t standing before you asking you to come back to him with an underlying arrogance that came with knowing that your love was enough to have you come back to him. He was actually just coming to be accountable for his mistakes and to apologize to you for hurting you. He came with humility and sincere repentance for his errors, no ulterior motives. And well, you weren’t nearly as strong as you thought you’d be by now.

“Oh, baby…” he sighed, “I don’t deserve it.” He recognized, “And I know that you’re happy.”

“I am.” You sniffled.

“I’m sorry if I made you feel confused, I really didn’t want that. I really just wanted to make things as right as I could after all this time.”

“Thank you.” You responded and he gave you one firm nod. “I think I should go.” You said and he glanced into your eyes and just waited for a moment and when you didn’t waiver he exhaled and moved out of your way to let you leave.

You reached for the door and opened it up before stepping out into the hall, pulling it shut behind you as you cried quietly as you walked back to the elevator, what seemed like a trap before now felt like your much needed escape. You were just about to step inside when you glanced back down the hallway at his door, questioning if you’d been too harsh. After all, you did miss him and you still loved him…you’d definitely regret not giving him a hug goodbye or even just confirming to him that you forgave him. So with all the strength you had, you ignored that pull to return to him and got inside and left. It was time to move on.

****************

You’d been quiet and in your head all afternoon. Internalizing everything you were feeling was weird because you were never one to just let things brew in silence. You had to talk about it and your best friend was back in the UK and she had an important work thing in the morning so you couldn’t interrupt and you just wanted to talk to someone who would be 100% real with you. You decided to just distract yourself until stopped by for dinner, surely his company would provide an adequate distraction.

But even when Steven arrived you found yourself ruminating on how awkwardly you’d left Harry. You certainly got what you needed but you were out of there so fast that you had no idea if he got the closure he needed from you and now you felt bad! That’s what you were thinking about, but your silent and pensive demeanor had Steven feeling iced out which he did not like. So after sitting in your little living room on his phone for half an hour in complete silence as his football game droned on, on the TV he figured he’d just ask you.

“Babe, are you upset at me?” He finally asked as he came into the kitchen. You were just grating some carrots into the salad you were making for dinner.

“No.” You assured him with a small smile as you glanced up at him briefly.

“Well, you’ve been oddly quiet since I got here. More than half the time I’m wishing you’d just shut up for five minutes but I don’t know anymore…it’s weird.” He joked, trying to make light of the situation. But upon hearing that your brows pinched in confusion and offense at his “joke”.

“That’s quite rude and not funny at all. I heard you turn on the game and you don’t like it when I talk to you when you’r watching so I just stayed quiet.” You mumbled a bit spitefully before going back to grating and he came closer and placed a hand on your hip.

“Damn, you’re so sensitive, it was a joke.” He said mawkishly and your irritation continued blooming so you refused to look at him, “Y/N, you’re clearly in your head about something and now you’re taking it out on me.” He said and you sighed.

“I’m not taking anything out on you, Steven. I’m just thinking some stuff through.” You shared with him.

“Stuff like…?” He pressed.

“Like…my ex, Harry.” You said and he straightened up at the mention of Harry’s name.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” He asked with a sardonic smile and you put down the carrot and glanced up at him.

“You asked.” You emphasized and he huffed out a sarcastic laugh, “I’m not done, so listen up because it’s good news for you.” You said and he clenched his jaw and nodded, “Well he’s in town and he asked to see me so we could talk,” You explained and Steven’s expression twisted into a disconcerting look, “so earlier I met up with him and we talked-”

“Wait.” He cut you off, “Why the hell would you think to go see your ex?” He asked you, fully offended over what you’d done this afternoon.

“I went to get closure! And well, considering we’ve been talking about starting a relationship in the near future it’s good for us that I just close that door for good.” You explained and he shook his head.

“And you didn’t think to tell me about this before you went there?”

“It happened so fast and I know you were meeting clients all day so I-”

“You should have at least asked if I was fine with you doing that!” He groaned with frustration and you frowned.

“Like…ask you for permission?” You asked and he shook his head.

“Don’t put words in my mouth, Y/N.” He snapped quickly.

“I’m not, I was asking for clarification. You said I should’ve asked if it was alright with you before going. Is that not asking for permission?” You asked and he sighed.

“Look, not permission but like…at least consider me! Like, have me be there so he doesn’t get any ideas.” He said and you looked at him like he was completely delusional.

“W-what?!” You asked in disbelief, “Why would I invite you into a conversation with me and my ex about our old relationship?” You questioned.

“Because, I need to make sure nothing weird is going on! And if you didn’t want me there, which you clearly didn’t, then you should’ve asked if I was cool with you going to meet him all alone! It makes me uncomfortable to think of you two alone.” He said and you were complete confused at his logic.

“And what if you said that no, I couldn’t go?” You asked.

“I would’ve said no and you would’ve not gone.” He rebutted confidently and you were in total shock, “You have no business talking to him again, Y/N.” He added and you sighed and shook your head in exasperation.

“I wanted answers and an apology, Steven. I am owed at least that! And he took responsibility. He was able to give that to me.” You said and he scoffed.

“You’re…you’re so fucking naive.” He said and you looked at him in confusion, “It’s a test. He was testing you! Testing you to see if you’re still loyal to him. Testing to see if he still has power over you! And guess what? By going there all alone the moment he called you up, you confirmed that for him. You confirmed that he still owns you!” He was speaking to you in the most belittling way. You felt your rage flaring up inside of you.

“What are you even saying?!” You scoffed in disbelief, “It was just a conversation! I was in and out of there in less than 10 minutes!” You laughed incredulously.

“10 minutes? Really? That alone fucked you up so much you couldn’t talk to me?” He asked with a sardonic look on his face and you rolled your eyes, “See now, I’m not so sure that something else didn’t happen between you two.” He soft-launched his accusation and you scoffed.

“Nothing happened! I’m telling you that he said what he needed to say and I just left!” You explained, “I’m just thinking on it because I don’t feel right about just having left like that.” You explained, “It was awkward, the way I handled it. I didn’t even ask him if he had any questions for me or anything else to say, I was selfish. I just got the apology I needed and that was that.” You said a bit sadly and his jaw clenched for a second before biting down on the inside of his cheek.

“You promise that was it?” He asked you after a few moments of silence.

“I promise! Literally we just talked.” You reiterated and he nodded.

“Fine. I’m sorry.” He said grumpily, like a child who is dying inside because they had to apologize. You imagined he was feeling a bit ashamed or even embarrassed for jumping to conclusions like that and being so off the mark. So you walked up to him and hugged him tight as you rested your head against his chest. You relaxed in his arms and smiled when you felt his hand grab your jaw and angle up your face. Your eyes met for a few tense seconds, you were preparing for him to ardently kiss you but suddenly his hand fell from your jaw and grabbed around your throat, right beneath your jaw. Your eyes widened in fear as his grip got a bit tighter by the second. His eyes were dark as he stared into yours.

“S-steven.” You gasped in concern as you started to run out of oxygen. You tried to wiggle out of his grip, eyes watery and full of fear as your nails dug into his wrist hoping to startle him out of whatever possessed him to do this.

“I don’t want you talking to or seeing him again. Never again. Do you understand me?” He demanded and you felt your entire body just turn cold. You had no idea how to even react to this change in Steven’s demeanor so you just nodded. “You’re going to be mine soon and I need to know that I can trust you fully.” He said “I want to trust you. But can I? Can I trust you to stay away from him?” he asked and you nodded again, you’d do anything to get out of this situation, “Then say it. Swear to me.” He insisted darkly as he loosened his grip around you.

“I-I’ll never talk to him or see him again.” You whispered, “I swear.” You insisted with tearful eyes and he let you go before walking out of the kitchen silently. 

You grabbed onto the counter because your legs unexpectedly lost their strength. You were panting, struggling so hard to breathe as this entire interaction processed in your brain. You suddenly felt extremely nauseated as a wave of fear overcame you. You trembled wordlessly for a bit, feeling so devastatingly mortal. You’d never had such little power. You’d never felt so small. After a short, uncomfortable, and contemplative moment you grabbed the carrot you had been working on and got back to grating. You just had to take deep breaths and grate.

You were walking on egg shells for the remainder of the night, doing anything and everything to act as normal as possible and not bait him into another aggression. Meanwhile, he was genuinely chatting with you so casually, as if he hadn’t just grabbed you by the throat like that. It terrified you that he wasn’t acting, he was genuinely fine. You were questioning yourself now, wondering if there were signs you missed? Granted, you were now getting into more serious turf, but there was nothing that you’d seen before that indicated towards him ever behaving this way. Even as you lay in bed attempting to get some rest you just stared at your ceiling thinking about that moment. How dark his eyes looked…did you need to tell someone? It’s not like he’d actually hurt you…or threatened you…he just made you promise to stay away from Harry. There wasn’t even a mark on you. Who would believe you or what could you even do about it?

He sweetened up intensely after that though and it had your mind reeling. Even when you’d had sex earlier he had been so possessive. Normally, any type of sensual talk got you going but when he told you he was “going to make you his” as he finished it didn’t have the usual or intended effect, it made you feel uneasy and made you regret having slept with him after what had happened earlier on. You immediately hopped into the shower because you just needed to wash off the memory of him of on you. You held in your tears because you thought he would join you but he just called out a goodbye after some minutes. But even in your solitude you were practically frozen and emotionless. You’d never experienced him like that and it worried you, so you decided to talk to your friend about it.

*****************

You were nervous to talk to Marie about this because she was also his cousin, but you just needed to know if there was a history to Steven that you didn’t know yet. Maybe he’d done something like this before, just got aggressive and overly possessive with another partner? Or perhaps he’d been cheated on and severely overreacted because of his past hurt? But Marie’s sort of distant demeanor should’ve tipped you off that things were not going to be good with this conversation.

“Thanks for meeting me. I actually wanted t-to talk to you about something important.” You said as soon as the waiter left after bringing your drinks. “Something that happened w-with Steven.” You said and she pulled away from her straw.

“Look, you don’t need to tell me what happened, Y/N.” She interjected, “Steven already told me.” She said flatly and for a second her anger seemed just. You were glad she was angry at him for you. “And look I love you and you’re my friend, but quite frankly, I can’t believe you’d go and hook up with Harry after how good Steven has been to you.” She said and your jaw dropped in shock.

“W-wait what?” You asked incredulously.

“Don’t do that with me, Y/N. I know how weak you are for Harry.” She said and you shook your head, “I mean…I did warn Steven early on t-to be careful and take his time with you because you’d probably cave and run back to Harry.” She said and you frowned, “But after all this time? I mean Jesus, Y/N! The man pretended like you didn’t exist for almost a year! How little self respect do you have t-to allow him back in after everything?!” She questioned you with disappointment and a harsh judgement.

“Is that really what you think of me?” You asked her and she sighed.

“Look, I’m sorry for being so harsh but I love you and I’m angry at you for cheating on my cousin. He’s a good guy!” She defended her stance and you shook your head.

“I didn’t cheat on your cousin. We’re not even in an official or exclusive relationship so even if I had fooled around with Harry he has nothing to be upset over! He’s the one who hasn’t wanted to be exclusive yet!” You corrected and Marie smiled incredulously down at her drink, “You don’t have to believe me about Harry if you don’t want but believe this, Steven? He’s not a good guy.” You said and she looked up at you again fully offended.

“Y/N, look-”

“No, listen to me. I just need you t-to hear me out. Last night he…h-he grabbed me really hard by the throat and made me swear I would never talk to or see Harry again. He terrified me.” You confessed and her eyes didn’t even soften up, “I came t-to ask if maybe I’d struck a nerve by mistake, looking to justify how he behaved towards me but the fact that he got to you first and lied about what happened…that just confirmed to me that I want nothing to do with him. He’s a ticking time bomb and I refuse to be collateral damage.” You said as you stood from your seat.

“How dare you.” She said and stood as well and you shook your head. “You can’t just go around throwing accusations about someone like that! Especially about this sort of thing! It could ruin him, Y/N!” She said with a quiet and calculated rage.

“Believe what you want, but I want nothing to do with either of you ever again.” You said to her and walked off. When you sat in your car you were trembling with rage, you could not believe the last 24 hours of your life. You were just collecting yourself before taking off, you didn’t want to get on the road with that much anger flowing through your veins. You jumped in surprise when your phone started ringing loudly from your purse and you groaned and reached for it and when you saw Harry’s name on the screen you just felt a wave of comfort and then it turned into fear. You knew Steven wasn’t here but you couldn’t help but glance around your immediate surroundings before answering the call.

“Hello?” You spoke into the receiver tentatively.

“Y/N, I ummm, I need you to come down to my hotel right away if you can.” He said to you and you felt your stomach drop.

“W-why?” You asked him nervously.

“Your boyfriend broke into my suite and tried to attack me.” He said and you gasped. “Are you alright?” You asked instantly.

“Yeah, thankfully. But now h-he’s telling the officers that you put him up to this.” He said lowly, “Just come and we’ll sort this out.” He assured.

“Okay, I’ll be there soon.” You said and took off despite your heightened emotions.

Just before you arrived to Harry’s suite you saw a pair of officers guide Steven away down the hall in hand cuffs. He had a bandage over his nose and a busted lip. He barely held eye contact with you as they pulled him along. You rushed down the hall and hurried into the open suite more than relieved to see a paramedic only icing Harry’s hand while he talked to one of the officers looming over him.

“Oh my god, I’m glad you’re okay!” You exclaimed in relief and he stood right away and hugged you tight as you leaned into him and that’s when all of your emotions from even the night before caught up with you and you started to cry. 

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s alright. I’m alright.” He assured you lowly.

“Yeah, but sometimes you minimize things to not worry anyone so…” you reminded and he chuckled a little as you pulled back, “I’m so sorry about this, H. Sincerely. Genuinely! I-I can’t believe he went as far as pulling something like this.” You expressed, still quite flabbergasted at what had gone down. Harry rubbed over your back in comforting circles.

“It’s alright. I’m alright.” He assured you, “He’s worse off than I am.” He smirked a bit as he delivered this news.

“Oh, I saw.” You chuckled through your tears and he hummed. “You’re not gonna get into any trouble, are you?” You asked.

“No, love.” He assured you, “I acted in self-defense so we’re all clear there. He did give me a good scare though.” He said more seriously and you sighed. 

“This never should have happened…I just don’t get it where this came from? I swear, this is not at all like him! I’ve never seen him behave this way in the couple months we’ve been seeing each other. Even last night was just so out of character for how he’s always been towards me! And I’m not trying to make excuses for him. Clearly this is fucked-”

“Wait. What happened last night?” Harry asked you more seriously and you sighed and shook your head.

“Nothing, really.” You said to him and he gave you a look, not a scary one, just an insistent one. You sighed and shrugged, “Last night when I…when I told him we met up to talk and get closure he got really angry at me. Like, he was livid. It was truly an overreaction to me mentioning that I was really happy over having received that apology from you but that I felt like I had been awkward about it and left it weird with us.” You explained, “Then, he asked why I didn’t ask for permission t-to talk to you or see you or why I didn’t ask him to come with me? And I explained that I agreed to meet with you so that we could clear the air so that I could move on with him in peace and he accused me of fooling around with you.” You explained monotonously as you felt like you were there all over again, “I assured him we just talked and he then pretended like it was fine and apologized half-heartedly… and I went in to hug him but then it’s like a switch flipped.” You recounted what had happened, “I thought he was going t-to kiss me but he…” your voice faded out into an exhale, “H-he grabbed me so hard by the throat and made me swear that I wouldn’t see o-or talk to you ever again-”

“Miss?” One of the officers interrupted and you turned towards the officer as Harry released you just a bit. 

“Yes?” You asked softly.

“Can you elaborate more on this altercation?” He asked and you swallowed thickly.

“I don’t want to get anyone in trouble.” You said softly, eyes now laser focused on Harry’s dangling pendant as your vision started to blur with more building tears. You were scared more than worried about getting Steven into any more trouble and Harry could see that. “Love, look at me.” Harry insisted and you blinked rapidly as one of your tears trickled down your cheek before you looked up at him, “If he did anything to scare you, you need to report it.” He said, “He’s fucked as it is for this, he can’t do anything to you ever again. He won’t.” Harry assured you and you nodded.

You proceeded to explain what had happened and how he had grabbed you. You explained that you felt intimidated and frozen and unsure of what to do next after the altercation. You were asked why you didn’t call the police or make a report and you explained that you didn’t think there was anything to report. He hadn’t technically hit you or injured you. You had no visible marks on you or anything to prove this apart from the fear you’d been harboring ever since. But the officer informed you that even a forceful grab is considered assault in the sate of California. And that speaking to you that way, exerting any tactics to make you feel subdued or intimidated were also considered acts of aggression and intimidation that were reportable offenses. And after a few more questions and you assuring them that he had never done anything like this to you before they moved back to the situation with Harry. With police reports filed they went on their way and you offered to get Harry a new place to spend the rest of his trip.

**************

It was just a few hours later and you were sitting in your living room waiting for Harry to come out of the shower and for his lawyer to arrive. You felt awful for this whole thing with Steven, you really had no idea he was a psycho like this. Marie had actually tried calling you almost 20 times and had sent you about 15 texts asking you to call back and that she was sorry for not believing you earlier. You were still too angry at her to respond so you put your phone on “Do Not Disturb” and just focused on the TV and wondered if it was a good idea to have brought Harry to your home. You had found another place for him to stay but before you booked it he asked if it would be alright to use your guest room because he was concerned for your safety since Steven knew where you lived. 

His concerns were valid. And you knew that Steven was well connected and had several lawyer friends who you were sure could get him out on bail by the morning, so you agreed to let him stay. You just didn’t want to also put Harry in harm’s way again. You would never forgive yourself if Steven did anything to hurt him. All in all, none of this felt real, you felt like you were in an unhinged daytime soap episode just waiting for another tragedy to befall you and those in your life. You were so on edge that you flinched in fright when the doorbell rang. Once the shiver passed through your body you hurried over to see through the peephole and saw Harry’s lawyer waiting there.

“Hi Darius.” You greeted him with a smile and he smiled back upon seeing you as well. It’d been quite a while.

“Y/N! Wow!” He chuckled, “It’s so great to see you!” He greeted you happily as you led him inside.

“Likewise! I think Harry’s just finishing up his shower, he had quite the day.” You said as you locked up behind him and he sighed.

“Yeah. I’m so sorry to hear about that. But I’m glad he’s safe and that you’re also safe.” He assured you and you thanked him before guiding him over to the kitchen and allowing him to get set up while you went to grab the Coca-cola he’d requested. 

It was just a couple of minutes before Harry joined you two and caught up a bit with Darius before he got into the story of what happened. Harry was going to follow through on pressing charges and he was even more motivated to get it all done ASAP when he heard what Steven had done to you the night before. He wanted to give Darius his statement as well while it was fresh in his memory so that it matched up perfectly to what he’d told the police and so he started answering the questions while Darius recorded and took notes as well. But hearing it in detail for yourself made it all the more sinister for you. You weren’t even thinking about it all that deeply when you reached for Harry’s hand under the table and he paused and briefly looked at you.

“Sorry.” You mouthed and started to pull it away from him but he instead tangled your fingers together and kept talking.

You stayed at his side for the rest of the time until Darius left, assuring you both that he’d let you know as soon as any headway was made in this case. With a final farewell you were locking up behind him as Harry waited for you just a small distance away. You sighed and turned to him.

“I’m so, so sorry about this, Harry. If I had know that he would do something like this… I mean, I just shouldn’t have said anything to him about you or-”

“Hey, it’s not your fault. How were you supposed to know, love?” He asked as he grabbed your face gently, right under your jaw and you swallowed thickly and he quickly slid his hands down to your shoulders. “Shit, I’m sorry. I forgot.” He said and you shook your head.

“It’s alright. It’s still fresh.” You reminded and he sighed and shook his head.

“I’m sorry…if I had just come back to you when I was supposed to we wouldn’t be in this mess.” He said and you sighed.

“You weren’t happy though, I mean…you preferred to be alone all this time instead of back with me so…it was the right thing for you at the time.” You said to him.

“You forgive me though, right? For not…” he trailed off and you nodded.

“Yeah, H.” You assured him and he pecked your lips quickly.

“Thank you.” He said quietly.

“Of course.” You whispered back. Your lips still tingling from his quick kiss. 

“Sorry, I just needed to kiss you.” He said and you smiled slightly.

“I get it.” You assured him. “D-do you want to…sleep with me?” You asked with a little bit of hesitation.

“Yeah, love.” He said without a hint of a doubt, “Of course. I’m a bit shaken up myself.” He said and you nodded.

“C’mon then.” You said and grabbed his hand and guided him to your bedroom. You guys washed up and then cuddled into your bed. 

You faced each other silently, just looking at each other, taking each other in. You were telling each other you had missed each other with your shared, longing gaze, but you refused to touch. You both loved the static and electric feeling buzzing between your bodies far too much. It was masochism in its purest form. It hurt to be apart, you missed his vibe. His energy. His presence…Harry was a warm, little ball of light, even on his dark days. He was the kindest, most thoughtful person you’d been is fortunate to encounter. He was so hard on himself also, and you knew he was angry at himself right now. You didn’t want him to be though, you wanted him to be here with you and enjoying this reunion, however unfortunate the situation was that led to it. 

The amount of love you felt for him was impossible. As you laid in silence you smiled because you had truly missed the sound of his breathing. You inhaled his exhales, feeling more than grateful to be within his reach. You wanted to feel him on you, skin to skin. You shivered as you felt this intense love just surge through you.

“Harry?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.” You said softly and sincerely. His eyes glanced down, averting from your gaze as he smiled in disbelief. “I mean it.” 

“Even after all this time?” He asked, “After everything I’ve done?”

“I didn’t say I wasn’t hurt by you.” You smiled and he chuckled, “But yeah, I still love you despite those things.”

“Enough to give me another chance?” He asked.

“I…I mean, yeah.” You chuckled nervously. “And I don’t know i-if I’m a complete fool for that?! But I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too, baby. More so lately…” he said and you hummed.

“Why’s that?” You asked.

“Umm…I was cleaning out your side of things. Like to send ‘em back to you and I just…I found this little box in the corner on your side of the closet-”

“The memory box!” You exclaimed, remembering its existence.

“Yeah…I just got to see all of the wonderful things we’ve shared together. How you’ve been there for absolutely everything. You’ve never let me down.” He said softly, “And I just…felt like a total fool for dismissing that. Nothing feels the same without you, you’re the thing that just…tied everything together, you know? You made my heart feel…whole.” He explained, “When I say that I miss you that’s what I mean. I’ve been incomplete without you around, Y/N. I’ve been missing you from everything. I’m so sorry that I waited until I almost lost you to reach out to you…” he whispered with shame. You frowned and reached for his cheek

“Everything happens for a reason, honey.” You whispered, “I mean, I’m glad you came along at this time because you saved me from a potentially dangerous situation.” You said more solemnly.

“I’m glad I was here for this. May-maybe this is a…sign of sorts for you to come back home with me.” He said a bit carefully. 

Harry was nervous to bring this up to you but he really just didn’t want you staying anywhere near this man. He wanted to be certain that he could keep you safe, that he could protect you and ensure that you were never so easily in harm’s way again.  And on top of that, his love for you continued simmering lowly in the background, it had never gone out. He just fled out of fear and he regretted it so much. He had been selfish and didn’t realize it until far too late. It filled him with gratitude that you’d even hear him out for an apology, let alone give him another chance. A chance that he may have blown with this suggestion he’d just put out there.

“Ummm…I…I’m not sure w-what to say to that.” You responded honestly, “Like, my first instinct is to say yes.” You chuckled nervously and while he was relieved to hear that, he held off his excitement to hear what would come next, “But like you’ve acknowledged a couple times already, we’ve been apart for a while and I think we both hurt each other to some extent and I worry that…in jumping right back into where we left things off that we’ll forget about all of the issues that led to us breaking down instead of working through them.” You said and he hummed.

“Yeah, that’s extremely valid.” He responded, “And I guess I want this right now mainly because I don’t want you here all alone.” He explained, “I realize we have things to work through before we can get to where we were before all this. And I’m so willing to put in the work with you to get to that stage again. But right now I just want to ensure that you’re safe and far away from that prick, Steven. That’s my main concern as of now, baby.”

“Well thank you for worrying about me. I would love to leave with you but I don’t think it’d be a smart move.” You sighed.

“Even just for a few weeks until things cool off a bit? I can set you up somewhere else even.” He said and you bit your lip pensively.

“I’ll think about it.” You responded.

“Okay, that’s…that’s enough for me.” He whispered back.

***********************

It  was a couple weeks later when Steven finally showed up at your place. Obviously you had the locks changed, so his key didn’t work, which really angered him. And when you heard him shouting at you and pounding on the door, threatening to break in if you didn’t allow him in, you immediately called the cops as you had a restraining order filed against him. You also recorded everything this time as you tried to calmly coax him into leaving before they showed up. He was angry that Harry was pressing charges against him and he wanted you to talk him out of it. You knew better than to say anything about Harry’s case, so instead you asked Steven how he even got access to Harry’s location. Up until this point it was all speculation, you just assumed he grabbed the information off of your phone, that really was the only way. But there was no proof yet that this was a premeditated aggression on Steven’s end. So when he confessed to you that he searched for the information on your phone you were relieved and would submit that as further evidence to get a more strict order against him.

He refused to leave and the longer you didn’t let him in the angrier he got and even broke a window. Thankfully, the police were just arriving when this happened and they submitted an Emergency Protective Order, this was far more strict than the restraining order but that was really all they could do. You really didn’t feel safe anymore so the next morning you contacted your landlord and explained to her what had happened and let her know that you’d have to terminate your lease early for your safety. She was kind and didn’t make you pay the extra fee or even make you finish out a whole month, she just hoped you’d fine somewhere else soon. 

You contacted Harry and of course, he said you could stay with him for a little bit. You felt stupid for not just doing that to begin with like he had suggested. But the reality was that he had also hurt you and let you down and you were worried about what moving in together again so soon would do to impact your future. But for the time being this felt like the safest choice. Steven knew your friends and co-workers in the area thanks to Marie, so there was no one you could go to in LA that you felt he wouldn’t think of. It pained you to quit your job and pack up your life and go, but you needed to. Of course, Harry welcomed you with open arms and you were grateful to know that you were a whole continent and ocean away from LA right now. 

*****************

It had been three weeks of you living with Harry and things had been going well so far. You felt drained though, like completely fatigued from everything, you often felt this way when you were anxious or depressed so you prioritized reconnecting with your therapist from before right away. You were seeing her every week so far and were eager to see and feel the results of doing this deep and healing work after what had happened to you and Harry in LA. You also reconnected with a few friends and they were helping you network a bit to find a job. Harry assured you that he was more than capable to take care of you but you didn’t feel comfortable with that, especially since your romantic future together was still a bit up in the air.

You two were doing well, you were reconnecting as friends more than anything right now. Living with him was comfortable though, you had lived together before though, so you knew how to exist in the same space together. You soon noticed that just being in a situation that was familiar to you both was making you both more affectionate towards each other though, which you both had been working hard to keep at bay. Of course, the feelings were there, but having those little things that reminded you, you weren’t alone made you smile, like now…

“Baby, I’m home! Are you here?” Harry called as he came into the house.

“Yeah, I’m in the laundry room!” You called back over the rumble of the washing machine as you folded your laundry. Moments later he was coming into the small, warm room with a smile on his face.

“Hi, love! How was it today?” He asked as he came up to you and hugged you.

“It was good. I met with Poppy and her friend, Sheila, she’s the one who just started up her own tanner line or something and needs an accountant? She’s interested, so I’m meeting with her and her partner again her next week when she’s back from her vacation to see about the position.” You shared.

“That’s really good. Hopefully it pans out.”

“I hope so too.” You said as you dropped the t-shirt you were working on in the basket with folded laundry so that you could interlace your fingers as you clung to him.

“And like I said before though, no rush, okay? You’re doing plenty to help out here. And after everything else you’ve been through, taking it slow can’t hurt.” He added.

“Thank you. I really do appreciate that, H.” You smiled.

“Of course, love.” He hummed. You pulled back slowly and looked into each other’s eyes. “I’m really happy you’re here.” He reassured you.

“Thank you, baby.” You whispered.

“Baby?” He asked with a grin and you rolled your eyes and sighed.

“Well, I mean…you call me that, so…”

“It feels right, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah.” You agreed with a smile.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” You whispered with a smile. He tucked your hair behind your ear and kissed your cheek.

“Can I kiss your for real?” He asked you quietly and you just nodded. Moments later your lips met in a tentative kiss. There was a little bit of hesitation at first but seconds later you were kissing with more depth. Your hands held his as he cupped your face tenderly as you continued to kiss. You’d kissed very quickly a handful of times since your arrival but nothing like this where you could feel yourself getting all hot and bothered by it.

“Baby…” you mumbled into the kiss.

“Right…sorry.” He hummed and let you go breaking the kiss abruptly and you chuckled as you blindly reached down your leg and finally grabbed the dryer sheet that was half hanging out of the dryer and tickling your leg. You crumbled it up and tossed it in the garbage bin just a few feel away from you before turning back and looking up to him.

“You can continue now.” You said with a small smile and he grinned before picking you up and setting you on the dryer as your mouths met with more urgency. Your kiss and need started to grow and grow and boil over very quickly.

It really wasn’t planned when he carried you to his room and got you undressed. Even though you’d yet to resolve everything from before, you didn’t feel worried or wrong about this. You felt comfortable and beautiful as you felt his bare skin against your own. You were eagerly awaiting it as he kissed down your body and made you feel so good along the way. He wasted no time in getting down and going down on you, showing you just how much he had missed you. He savored you and gave you his best until you were starting to lose your grip on reality.

“Oh fuck, I missed you…” you giggled through a moan as his tongue did it’s wonderful work between your legs. You were tingling all over as he flicked over your clit until you were trembling and then he started to suck, “Oh my god!” You gasped as your eyes started to roll back. “I’m getting so close!” You warned. 

Your lips parted and you started to pant when he started to work two fingers into you. Your breath hitched when he curved them up into your g-spot. You felt your body melt into the bed for a second before he started to fuck into you harden until you were so tense your legs trembled as you started to come. The soft moans flowing from your lips were egging Harry on, making him even more hungry for you. You pulled him back up to you and your lips met eagerly as you reached for the button of his jeans.

“Want ‘em off?” He asked and you nodded, “Sure, baby?” He asked and you nodded.

“Yeah, baby. I want you. I need you.” You whispered and he smiled before kissing your lips quickly before pulling back a bit.

“I just…I need you to know that if we do this I want us t-to be the thing that means we’re going to try again.” He said and your gaze softened, “Obviously, I’ve missed your body and having you like this, but this is more than that to me. I want it to  be more than that.” He said and you nodded.

“I do too, baby. I want to try again. I really do.” You said to him with welled up eyes and he smiled and kissed you slowly again.

“You are everything to me.” He mumbled as you helped get his pants off blindly as he tugged the material down, “I’m never going to forget that again. I swear it, baby. You make me so fucking happy.” He panted as he toed off the pants before he climbed over you and pulled you up with him towards the the top of the bed. You climbed over his lap and kissed his passionately. Harry’s hands roamed your naked body with expertise. He knew the spots to touch and to pay mind to as you guys worked up to the love-making bit. You too appreciated his body. You touched and kissed over his body and took his length into your mouth, working him up just a bit more before you two had sex. 

“Shit, baby…fuck that’s so good!” He groaned as you sunk down on him until you gagged around his tip. You weren’t as used to his size as you once were. 

“Careful, baby. Go easy.” He reminded as he stroked over your cheek lovingly before running his thumb along your stretched out bottom lip. He loved seeing how you fit him in your hot little mouth. It had his abs clenching hard as you rolled and fondled his heavy balls in your hands until he was fighting the urge to start thrusting in your mouth. “Baby, please…please, I need you.” He panted and you popped off of him and glanced up at him.

“Can I get on?” You asked and he swallowed thickly.

“A-are you sure you want this?” He asked and you nodded.

“I do, H. I want this with you. I want everything with you. Everything that we had, I want it all back. I love you more than anything in the wor-” he cut you off with his kiss and laid you down. You were dying of impatience as hi heavy erection glided against your slicked up and swollen folds, you were so ready to have him back.

“I love you. I love you so much.” He whispered as he lined up to your entrance.

“I love you too. Please just…I need you.” You begged and so he pushed forward until he was sinking deep in your hot, wet little hole until he bottomed out. 

You hissed as you adjusted back to his size, he was great about it, so patient and eager to get you going by rubbing over your clit until you were so wet you were sliding up and down his shaft. He watched you hungrily as you lifted your hips up and down to feel him moving inside of you. But it got to the point where he needed to take over and just get you both to come. His thrusts were deep and slow, he was bottoming out with each one, it was making your brain blank each and every time he sunk into the deepest part of you. Your body was tingling and your walls fluttering and pulsing around him with every movement. Everything felt so good with him. He was looking down at you with so much adoration it was making you even more emotional.

“Baby, baby don’t cry.” He chuckled as he kissed your forehead as a few tears streamed down your cheek.

“It just feels so…good.” You sniffled and he kissed you quickly, “It feels so good to be with you.” You hummed as you rolled your hips up against his and he moaned lowly and kissed you again.

“Yeah? Are you gonna come for me?” He asked and you nodded. “Good girl, let me know when you’re getting close.”

“I will.” You whined out as he delved deep and ground against you until your eyes squeezed shut, “Shit!” You gasped as he started thrusting a bit faster into that spot until you just felt yourself leaking around.

“Fuck…” he laughed, “Fuck, you’re so wet f’me, I-I’m getting close.” He panted and you whined and started to rub your clit to catch up to him.

In a few moments you were right there on the edge with him. Your back was arching as you moaned his name as your orgasm nearly took you out. Your ears were ringing and your vision was blurring as you started to come around him. He started to thrust faster to get off, but he was drawing out your orgasm until you were trembling.

“Fuck…fuck, I’m coming!” He warned as he started to press himself up to pull out. “Oh fuuuuck…” he moaned as he started to stroke himself as he came all over your mound. He thrusted his sensitive cock through your folds, making a little mess of you before kissing you ardently. “I love you. Love you so fucking much.” He whispered, his voice cracked as he started to cry and you pulled him into your chest and held him tight as you both just let your raw emotions out in this moment. 

You both needed it desperately. After he settled down he hurried to get something to clean you off and then you started to talk about you two. What you wanted, what you hoped to see in the future. You’d had these conversations before but even now the things that Harry was saying to you were complete different than before. Losing you seemed to be the thing that woke him up to how much he’d been taking you for granted. He’d gotten used to it, he’d gotten complacent at your expense.

“It’s going to be so different this time.” He said softly as he looked deep in your eyes, “I will be different this time.” He assured and you sighed.

“I believe you…there’s just a little part of me that is still not ready to let you back in.” You explained after he had explained how he was going to show up for you from now on, “I want to just trust you fully, but I’m afraid that you’ll make a fool of me again. That you’ll hurt me again.” You explained, “And I know y-you won’t but I just need to let you know that I’m still learning to trust you fully again.” You explained. “So please just…be a little patient with me.” You requested and he smiled.

“I know, baby. I will be patient with you and I will do everything I can to prove to you that I will never do anything to make you doubt choosing me again.” He said and kissed you slowly. You smiled into the kiss and let him pull you closer to him again and that’s how you fell asleep, nestled close together.

….. ONE MONTH LATER ….

In this short amount of time things had drastically shifted between you and Harry. You’d started to go on a date a week, doing thoughtful things for each other, sharing your feelings as they arose, communicated openly…he’d matured a lot in your time apart and helped you overcome your fears faster than you anticipated. You were so proud of him and it was spilling over into every moment. Like now, you were filled with a surge of love as you wandered into the kitchen to see him pulling out your favorite salad dressing from the fridge.

“Hiya, baby. What’re you up to?” You asked.

“Just making us your favorite salad for a light lunch.” He said.

“Wow, lunch already?” you asked and he smiled as you went over to him and hugged him from the back as you peeked over to his hands, eager to direct him on how much dressing he needed to add.

“Yeah, love!” He chuckled, “We had breakfast at 8! It’s already past 2pm.” He informed you and that surprised you. But you’d been so sucked into your work that it was very possible that you forgot to even feel hungry.

“Oh, I didn’t realize.” You explained and he frowned a bit.

“Baby, have you been feeling alright? It’s not just today, I’ve noticed that you haven’t had much of an appetite at all lately.” He pointed out and you frowned as you gave it some thought and realized that yeah, this was something you’d been feeling for at least two weeks. Maybe it was intense PMS? You hadn’t gotten your period since moving here, so you hoped it was just your body finally catching up with itself.

“You’re right…I mean, I have very visceral reactions to stress and big changes…I mean, my whole body and system have just been out of whack for a little but they’ll balance out again.” You assured him and he hummed.

“That’s true, it’s been hectic for you.” He said as he opened up the dressing bottle, “Honestly, I was thinking that-” he stopped as you gagged as the scent of the dressing wafting up towards you. You had to let him go and go hunch yourself over the sink as you felt the scent of the dressing just linger in your nose and mouth. “Baby…?” Harry came over and rubbed your back slowly, “Are you alright?”

“Yeah…” you grimaced, “But I think the dressing is bad. Didn’t you smell that? It was rank!” You turned to him with a disgusted look on your face and he frowned.

“I didn’t smell anything. You look a bit awful now though. You’re all pale.” He said feeling your forehead and you exhaled slowly to ward off the nausea that you suddenly felt making your head spin.

“I might throw up, the dressing smells so bad.” You explained and he frowned and turned to the counter and brought it up to his nose and it smelled just fine to him. He even checked the bottle for the usage date and it was still good. 

“This is fine…should I mix your salad with something else then?” He asked and you shook your head.

“I think I’m fine. I’ll just have some toast.” You said and he nodded. Eventually, you had to go back to your “office” and leave him hanging for lunch because you could not handle the look and scent of the salad, especially that dressing. By the time dinner rolled around you were still feeling a little off so you just had some veggies in a chicken broth and that was that.

*******************

You’d truly forgotten about your sensitive sense of smell until once again, you were assailed by an unbearable scent. Except this time it had happened at your friend, Poppy’s house. And this time you did actually get sick.

“God, I’m so sorry, P.” You apologized as you returned to her kitchen with embarrassment, “I swear its not your cooking, my nose has just been so sensitive lately and I get to grossed out by certain scents. I’m not sure what exactly yet though.” You explained to her.

“God, you sound like my sister when she got pregnant.” Poppy chuckled and you froze. That hadn’t even crossed your mind. Yeah, you’d missed your period for the last two months but literally everything impacted your period, your cycle was fickle, especially when you were under as much stress as you’d been. You weren’t surprised that it hadn’t come at all. Truly, this wasn’t new to you, especially when you were stressed out, regardless of whether or not you were on the pill (which you weren’t after moving back here, you’d run out the week before you came out). Then, you recalled that when you and Harry had sex the first time he hadn’t used a condom. Yeah, he’d pulled out but that was never a guarantee.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Poppy asked you with concern.

“I think I should probably take a test just to rule that out. I mean, it’s…very unlikely but I was a bit irresponsible a bit ago and just need some peace of mind.” You said.

“Okay, I have some in my bathroom, let me get you one.” She offered and you nodded so she hurried off to get it for you.

You were sure you were good, but you just needed to see it for yourself. There was absolutely no way you could be pregnant, you weren’t ready for that. Harry wasn’t ready for that. Like emotionally you guys were, but you had just rekindled your relationship, the last thing you needed was something this crazy to throw a wrench in things so quickly after you’d gotten back together.

“Alright, here you are, babe.” She said handing over the box as she came up to you again.

“Thanks.” You smiled nervously.

“W-would you mind if I did it here?” You asked her and she smiled and shook her head.

“Of course not.” She assured you and with that you were off to the bathroom again, sitting there, willing yourself to pee enough to saturate the stick and finally it came and you put the cap back on it and washed your hands before coming out. “I hate to be that person but what if you are pregnant?” She asked and you sighed.

“I have no idea…” you confessed through a nervous chuckle while you stared at the wall blankly, “I mean, H and I just…God, we’re just getting back into the groove of things. Throwing a baby into the mix at this time isn’t going to make anything easier. It’s just not what we need right now.” You explained to her.

“Yeah, I get that.” She chuckled, “Cam and I try and then we stop because of the same thing and like…ugh, it’s just a vicious cycle! And genuinely, if you have that many doubts it’s just that you’re not prepared for it, you know? That’s what I had to tell Cam after a few months.” She explained and you nodded in understanding. “I-if you are…what do you think Harry’d say?” She asked and you sighed.

“I have no fucking clue…” you admitted, “Obviously, before, we had said we wanted to have a family together. But again, that was before everything went to shit with us.” You sighed, “And like, we’re in such a good place right now…” you sighed, “Like I know he wouldn’t be a prick about it but we’re not quite ready for that yet.” You chuckled nervously and Poppy nodded in understanding.

“Well, don’t worry, you’ll see in a few minutes that everything is fine.” She smiled with encouragement. 

You decided to believe her that everything was going to be fine. You were already booked for a full body, deep tissue massage next week with Poppy when your timer went off. You turned off the timer and then brought the test up closer and your heart stopped beating and you stopped breathing for what felt like an eternity. Staring right back at you, clear as day, were two little pink lines.

“Th-that means I’m…right?” You asked showing Poppy and she bit her lip nervously and nodded.

“Are you okay?” She asked you with concern and you just exhaled slowly. You were completely taken by surprise. Then you started to get worried.

“I ummm…I think I need to get home.” You said to her, still in shock. You swallowed thickly as you tried to imagine how Harry would react to the news that he would be a father.

“Do you want me to drive you over?” She offered, since you had walked from Harry’s to hers. It was just a 20 minute walk, you guys lived quite close.

“No, no, P, it’s alright. I think walking will be good for me, I need to…I need…” you trailed off as your eyes started to well up with tears as you started to imagine the worst case scenario.

“Hey…Hey, hey, hey, c’mere.” She said pulling you into her arms as you started to cry, “It’s going to be alright, babe. H is not gonna be angry, you know that.” She assured you as she rubbed comforting circles into your back as you held her tight. “You have options, yeah? You know that he’ll have your back no matter what.” She said and you nodded, “Let me get you home, yeah?”

“Okay.” You whispered to your best friend and she gave you one more squeeze before letting you go.

  Once you got to your place she encouraged you to have a shower and that she’d get some tea going for you. You texted Harry that you needed him to come home as soon as possible, you didn’t want this solely on your chest for another minute. You took your time and when Harry started pulling into your driveway Poppy popped in and let you know before shouting a goodbye to you. You sighed and relished in the warm water for just another moment before turning off the water. You were soon reaching for your robe and slipping into it. You padded over to the mirror to wash your face and you bit your lip before untying the robe and looking over your body. You looked the same, you saw no evidence of a baby.

“Baby?” You heard Harry calling from downstairs. Soon, his footsteps were heard coming up the stairs and you quickly tied your robe up and got to lathering your face wash in your hands.

“In the bathroom!” You called back before rubbing it into your skin. He rushed into the bathroom and looked more than relieved to see you intact.

“Are you alright?” He asked and you sighed and quickly bent over to rinse your face. You then dabbed it dry as you reached for your toner.

“I think so…” you responded after a little bit, “I don’t know.” You sighed as you grabbed your moisturizer.

“Well what’s going on? Hmmm?” He asked you as he came over and kissed your shoulder, his arms wrapped around your middled and pulled you in closer and suddenly you had to throw up again. You gasped and wriggled out of his hold and turned around to face him. Your eyes started welling up with tears again and you were just building up the courage to say it. “Baby, you’re worrying me.” He said softly and you swallowed thickly.

“Ummm…I…I’m pregnant.” You said and his jaw slightly dropped. He let out a small and nervous laugh before he just pulled you back into his arms without a single word. You hugged him back and just held each other for a little bit.

“What do you want to do?” He finally asked you and you shook your head.

“I have no fucking clue…” you said and he let you go and hoisted you up onto the counter. You draped your arms over his shoulders as he held your thighs, “I mean, what do you think?” You asked and he sighed.

“I don’t fucking know…I mean, that’s gonna be our baby so I…like I’m inclined t-to give it a try. But at the same time I don’t know that our relationship is ready for something like this. I mean, I want this with you in a few years but we’re just getting started again.”

“I know…I don’t even know how this…like you pulled out.”

“I know, but it’s not always a guaranteed thing.” He said and you sighed.

“I should’ve said something then…” you shook your head as you rubbed your forehead with one of your hands.

“Hey, there’s no point for any would’ve-should’ve-s,” he said, “It’s gonna be alright. We’ll figure it out soon, okay?” You nodded, “Just take your time, baby. Whatever you decide, I have your back.” He assured you and you nodded. He grabbed your face and kissed your lips until you were smiling.

“Stoooop.” You giggled, “M’not in the mood.” You pouted through your smile and he smiled.

“I think you’re lying.” He hummed and you rolled your eyes. “Look, how about we get an appointment with the doctor and see how far along you are and maybe that’ll help us decide what we might want to do.” He said and you nodded.

“Yes, good thinking.” You smiled, “God, I was so scared to tell you.” You sighed and he tutted.

“What made you think to take a test?”

“I smelled something P was cooking and got sick.” You said, you felt tour cheeks growing hot in embarrassment. Harry chuckled and then furrowed his brows pensively. 

“Didn’t you almost get sick at the salad dressing a bit ago?” He recalled and you chuckled.

“Yeah, that’s true…” you remembered, “I mean, I know I haven’t gotten my period but-”

“How was that not a sign?!” He chuckled in disbelief and you proceeded to explain how your period often skipped when you were under a lot of stress so this wasn’t an odd thing for you. But he was sweet, he was calm, but you could see the cogs just turning at full speed in his mind. You hoped he wasn’t angry at you, but you couldn’t help but think that he was and that he would run again. “I’m not angry, you know?” He mumbled softly and you glanced into his eyes and smiled a bit, “I can see it in your eyes, you know?” He whispered.

“You sure?”

“I am, baby. But I am…excited too…I mean, I don’t want to dwell on it too much incase we decide not to proceed with this but…I am. I mean, you’re the only person I want to have a life with. No matter how it happens, it’s you that I want to have babies with and raise them with and just share that experience with. So if you did want to continue with the pregnancy that would be good with me too.” He hummed.

“Okay. Thank you for your opinion.” You whispered before kissing his lips and hugging him tight against. You kissed at his neck as you just nestled yourself in the crook of it. “I love you.”

“I love you.” He smiled.

…. TWO DAYS LATER ….

You currently found your self peeing into a cup at the doctor’s office. You knew you were pregnant, but the doctor wanted to verify before they did an ultrasound to see where you were at. Once you finished you closed up the little jar and left it not he shelf as instructed. You washed your hands and then scurried across the hall and back into your room to see Harry intently reading the poster on the wall abut pregnancy.

“You know you get super horny during the second trimester.” He said in amusement, “As if you needed any more of that while pregnant…greedy.” He mumbled with a grin and you chuckled.

“You’re dumb.” You said as you went back over to the bench and sat again. You dangled your feet back and forth for a bit before Harry came over.

“What’re you thinking?”

“I’m thinking that…this is fucking insane.” You chuckled.

“In a good way?”

“Yeah…bad too.” You hummed and he nodded and leaned in to kiss your cheek.

“It’s going to be just fine, baby.” He assured you right as the doctor knocked at the door. “Come in!” Harry called and soon the woman was coming in.

“Hello, Y/N!” Dr. Sallow greeted you sweetly, “Glad you’re back!” She said with glee and you smiled.

“Thank you.” You replied, “And ummm, this is Harry, my…partner.” You said and she turned to him and smiled.

“Harry, wonderful to meet you.” She smiled and extended her hand and they shook them quickly before she walked over to the screen. “So, you’re here because you are pregnant.” She said and you nodded, “I can confirm that.” She smiled and Harry squeezed your knee when you inhaled sharply. It sort of felt official now. “So we can definitely do an ultrasound if you’d like, the room is available. Or did you have other questions?” she asked.

“Definitely an ultrasound. Want to know how far along I am and that sort of thing.”

“I’d assume fairly early if you’re just noticing any symptoms, so don’t be too disappointed if we don’t see much of anything just yet.” She forewarned and you both nodded. “Alright, I’m gonna have nurse Debbie set up the room and then she’ll escort you over and we’ll get a look at you.”

“Thank you.” You smiled and soon she excused herself before fluttering off to her next patient. You only waited a couple of minutes before nurse Debbie came to escort you to the ultrasound room and got you all set up. Harry was practically bouncing beside you with anxiety as he waited. 

“Let me get the doctor.” Debbie said and hurried out. You glanced over to Harry.

“Hey, hold my hand.” You said and he dragged a chair over and interlocked your fingers. “I’m so excited to see.” You whispered and he grinned wide.

“Me too.” He confessed and you chuckled. “Maybe we…think a bit more about keeping it…” he suggested and you smiled a bit.

“Yeah? You mean it?” You asked softly and he nodded.

“I do, baby.” He smiled. 

A few moments later Dr. Sallow was announcing herself again before coming in. She explained the procedure and then got the gel on you before grabbing the camera and gliding it over your tummy, looking for the best spot.

“Oh…there we are.” she hummed and Harry immediately shot upon seeing the image projected on the screen.

“Oh my god…” he whispered as he squeezed your hand tight and you smiled up at him quickly before you both glanced back over to the screen.

“So that there is the head and the arms and legs…” she pointed out and shifted the angle, “Do you want to know the sex?” She asked as she turned to you and you chuckled.

“That’s…ummm, isn’t it a bit early to know that?” You asked her and she shook her head.

“Not at all, we can tell as early as 10 week if the position is right.” She explained and you’re heart stopped.

“And I’m already 10 weeks along?” You asked shakily as the realization of what this meant started to settle in. You felt Harry starting to pull his hand away from yours.

“Oh no, you’re more like 14 weeks, dear.” She said and that’s when Harry completely pulled away from you and you felt the air completely leave your lungs. You turned to him and he just clenched his jaw as he ran his fingers through the top of his hair. “So do you want to know?” She asked and you were so frozen that you nodded quickly as your eyes teared up. “It’s a girl.” She said with a smiled and you just nodded.

“That’s…that’s so great.” You whispered and then brought a hand up over your mouth in an attempt to muffle the sound as started to cry. Dr. Sallow turned to you quickly with concern and then you felt Harry’s hand grab yours again. You turned towards him and saw he was crying too. “I’m sorry.” You whispered and he shook his head.

“We’ll talk about it.” He said to you softly and you nodded.

“Is everything alright?” Dr. Sallow asked and you sniffled.

“Sorry, yes. I just didn’t mean to say that.” You explained and she apologized but you assured her it was fine. 

You just wanted to get out of there… you were mortified. This wasn’t Harry’s baby and now you really had no idea what to do. You always used condoms with Steven, but now that you knew he was psycho, you had no doubt that he was capable of sabotaging you like this. More than anything you were so hurt and angry that he had taken this from you and Harry. For a second you almost turned and asked for an appointment for an abortion but you glanced at the screen and you were flooded with guilt for even thinking that.

“Ummm, I’d like to leave.” You said as you started to sit up and Dr. Sallow was quick to clean you off. Harry helped you off of the reclining seat and you were back on the road not even ten minutes later. 

You were just silent the whole way home, you felt like shit. You felt awful for getting Harry all excited only to know that this was not his child you were carrying. You were so confused right now, you almost wanted to pinch yourself and hope you woke up. You could feel Harry continuously glancing over at you but you couldn’t look at him. There was no way you could look at him after this. It was over between you two…there was no way you could ask him to stay with you after this. It wouldn’t be fair to him. When you got to the house you made it to the stairwell and plopped down as you started to sob violently.

You moved to the side when you saw Harry coming over, assuming he was just going to go up to the bedroom. But then he crouched down and sat a step above you and pulled you into him by the shoulders.

“It’s o-”

“Don’t say it’s okay.” You cut him off, “This is not okay.” You whispered sadly. “I hate Steven.” You seethed and he swallowed thickly as you started to sob and he pulled you closer and kissed the side of your head.

“I love you, okay? This doesn’t change that for me.” He said to you and you shook your head.

“I would never ask you or expect to stay. It’s not fair to you, Harry…” you said sadly, “I was about to tell Dr. Sallow that I wanted to abort but then I saw the screen again and I just…I don’t think I can do it. That’s like…a part of me too and I just…I don’t think I can go through with it.” You said again, sputtering on your tears. “If that means that we’re over, I get it. I totally understand it.” You sniffled.

Harry frowned deeply as he heard you say this. His heart was completely torn right now. He thought you were reacting this way because you were going to terminate the pregnancy upon finding out that it wasn’t your baby together. But hearing you say that you wouldn’t be able to do that, it made him so angry and so hurt. Despite his own feelings about this, he fully understood why changed your mind. After seeing the tiny little thing tucked inside of you his heart was in shambles too. He was fully ready to advocate for you guys keeping it, but hearing how far along you were, it completely shattered his heart. He felt physically ill as the moment replayed in his brain. You’d both slept with other people during your time apart, so he wasn’t angry at that, it was more that it was Steven’s. A man who had hurt you and disrespected you and that scared you. It made the hate he felt for him grow even more intense than it already was. He was livid, he could kill him for taking this from you two. Harry had to decide how he would proceed from here. You were fully prepared to leave him again in order to keep this baby and the thought of it put so much sorrow in his heart. He didn’t want to lose you.

The idea of leaving you and letting you do this all on your own made his sad. You didn’t deserve that. You deserved to have a good pregnancy, one that came with a supportive partner, someone to share the experience with. He wanted to be the person to be there for you but right now the thought of that little thing growing inside of you made his blood boil with hatred. He couldn’t think clearly in the slightest. 

“I ummm…I love you so much, baby. I just, I think I need some time t-to process this and just think about it all.” He said to you and you nodded. “I love you though. You know that right?” He asked and you nodded again as he kissed the side of your head.

“Love you too.” You whispered and he hummed. “Should I go for a couple of days?” You asked quietly.

“No, baby.” He said quietly, “You stay here and rest up.” He hummed lowly, “I think I’m gonna go up north and just spend a few days with my mum, clear my head, if that’s alright?” He asked. You wanted to say no, the last thing you wanted right now was to be all alone with this information. But you had no choice but to agree, you had just put him in the most impossible position and he deserved to have the space to think about it as calmly and comfortably as possible.

“Yeah, sure.” You whispered.

“Can I tell my mum?” He asked and you sighed.

“Why the fuck not…” You chuckled through your tears and he pouted.

“Hey, look at me.” He insisted, “I won’t if you don’t want me to, baby. This is about you, about your body. If you want me to keep it to myself I will.” He assured.

“Sorry. I’m just afraid that it’ll change how she feels about me.” You explained nervously. You’d had a wonderful relationship with Anne. You missed her wisdom and kindness and friendship during your time apart from Harry and hearing that another man had impregnated you, her son’s girlfriend, well you’d understand if it upset her. 

“No…I mean, things happen. Accidents happen.” He said and you shook your head.

“Baby, I-I don’t think this was accidental because we used a condom every single time. I’m certain of it!” You wept, “Like I’m not stupid, or careless like that.” You assured.

“You think he ruined the condoms?” He asked and you sighed as you recalled all of the overtly possessive things Steven had been saying to you during sex the last month or so that you had been together. Things about making you his forever, about giving him babies one day, making you a mom…you thought he was just introducing some of his preferences in bed with that kind of talk, but maybe it was more than that. 

“It’s very possible.” You said softly.

“Jesus…” he shook his head, “How fucked up was this guy?” He asked you and you shrugged.

“I never saw that side of him before all of this.” You said and Harry sighed and nodded. After a moment of silence he cleared his throat.

“Ummm…I’m just gonna pack and head out soon, want to avoid that rush hour traffic near Birmingham.” He said and you nodded. 

He stood up and then offered to help you stand as well before you guys went up to the room. You sat on the bed as you watched him pack a couple days worth of clothes. You wanted to ask him to stay, but you couldn’t be that selfish. This was the least you could do for him after that a-bomb was just dropped on him. Not to mention the a-bomb you’d just dumped on him too. When he finished packing up his bag he went over and kissed you quickly.

“I’m not running away from you, okay? I just need to clear my head.” He reassured you, his words were mumbled against your forehead before he kissed you there, “I love you so much.” He whispered before kissing your lips.

“Love you.” You mumbled, “Text when you get there, yeah?”

“I will, baby.” He assured.

“Be safe.”

“Always.” He hummed before he bid you farewell once more before he left. 

Once you heard him pull out of the driveway you just curled up on your side and started to cry. This couldn’t be real…there was no way this could be real. You felt completely defeated. The only thing you could think that made you happy was that you never wanted Steven to know about this, you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. You had no idea how that would go down with your child in the future, but right now you wanted him not to know a single thing about you ever again. After coming to that conclusion you ended up calling your mom and telling her everything that happened. You talked and cried for nearly an hour before she had to go, but not without promising she’d call again and chat the next day in order to keep you some company, even from afar. 

After that you decided to draw yourself a warm and relaxing bath, that always made you feel so calm. So you started out on that, letting your bath bomb melt in the warm water as you made yourself a nice cup of tea, your last caffeinated one for the foreseeable future, and then got inside.

*****************

Harry had been driving up the M1 motorway for a bit before he quickly texted his mum his ETA. This caused her to call him right away and ask what this surprise visit was about, but he couldn’t speak when he answered her call. He just sobbed, he sobbed for nearly 15 minutes before he shared what had happened that morning at the doctor’s office. He explained everything he was feeling, even the bad things he was thinking, but the one thing that kept coming up was how much he loved you.

“I love her so much but I just don’t think I could get past the fact that, that prick is the baby’s dad…I cannot for the life of me sit with that information and not become enraged by it.” He said, it pained him to spare Steven a thought.

“D-do you feel angry at Y/N for being with him?” She asked and he frowned.

“No/ It’s not like I didn’t see other people but I hate that she thinks that I couldn’t be with her after this. Like, I think about letting her go, like she’s saying, and it absolutely guts me.” He explained. “And like…I feel bad that it crossed my mind at some point, but not for the reasons you might think, it’s just that I don’t know i-if I am even prepared to take that role on.” He sniffled.

“No one ever is, even when it’s meticulously planned, H.” She reasoned and he sighed,

“Are you concerned about him wanting to come back into her life?” She asked and he nodded.

“Yeah…a bit.” He admitted, “I mean, I don’t think he’s the type to take any accountability for his actions but if he finds out about it he’s so arrogant that he might want to just to make her uncomfortable. I mean, Y/N thinks it may have been deliberate because she said she always made sure t-to use protection. I mean, I wouldn’t put it past him to do something like that, the man was completely mad.” He shared and his mum hummed in understanding.

“Well sweetheart, it doesn’t sound to me like you’re all that conflicted. It sounds to me like you don’t want to end things with her.”

“Of course not! But what if I…what I can’t love that baby as much since I now know this?” He asked.

“I-is that what’s holding you back?” She asked and he hummed on confirmation. He felt like a complete prick saying that but he was legitimately concerned about this. What if you went on to have your own kids together and it just changed something in him? What if he was open to being with you now but then changed his mind? What if he saw Steven every time he saw that baby and only felt anger instead of love? The chances of something like this happening were extremely low, practically non-existent, but not 0%. And in the end he would hurt you and that baby even more if he walked out because one of these things happened.

“You know what I think?”

“What?”

“I think you will love her just fine, H. You know why?” She asked and he hummed, “Because out of everyone in the world you know the impact that one incredible and dedicated man can have on a child.” She said and he sniffled, “You’ve seen for yourself that a biological connection is not needed to give someone unconditional love and support. You’re lucky, you got that from two fathers.” She said and he smiled.

“Yeah.” He whispered.

“I’m not saying that it won’t be scary and difficult at times t-to do this, but it can also be extremely beautiful and rewarding. You’re both such wonderful people that if you decided to stay and do this together you could impact that child’s life for the better, just like yours was.” 

“Right…” he said softly

“And well, honestly sweetheart, these concerns you have, they’re things you need to figure out with Y/N. She will listen to you, H. I mean, if you’re feeling this conflicted about things I can’t image how she must be feeling now.” she said with sympathy and when he saw himself nearing Birmingham he felt awful. It got as bad as him feeling sick to his stomach as he pictured your fearful and distraught face back in the bedroom. He’d done it again, he’d left you hanging at a time when you needed his love and support the most. He loved you so much, he could not believe he’d left you alone in that state. And in two seconds he started to signal to get off of the motorway.

“Mum, I ummm…I need to go back and be with, Y/N.” He decided, “I shouldn’t have left here there by herself after everything she had to hear today…I’d be surprised if she was still there after I just walked out…fuck!” He groaned in frustration.

“H, she loves you so much.”

“I love her too…why do I keep doing the wrong thing and hurting her?” He cried now as he got off at the next exit. He was waiting for the traffic to clear before he could make his turn to turn around.

“I think it kind of scares you, how much you love her. And I think in a way you might feel like you could lose her, so you pull back regardless of how that might make her feel. It’s self preservation.” She explained and he swallowed thickly. Hearing this helped him mentally decide that he wasn’t going to run any more, after everything he’d done you’d given him another chance regardless of the possibility of him hurting you again. This was his chance to show you that his love for you was bigger than everything else. “Don’t be afraid to open your heart, sweetheart.” She added and he hummed.

“Alright, thank you for listening. I’m just gonna call Dr. A and ummm…hopefully sort some mental things out before I get back to Y/N.” He said.

“Okay, bub. Be safe, please let me know when you’re home safe. I love you.”

“Love you.” He mumbled before he hung up and got back onto the motorway but heading back towards the South. He wasn’t going to do the same thing again and leave all alone to guess just how much he loved you, not this time. He was going to be there for you and support you and love you both.

*****************

It was a bit odd to you when you heard the large gate to Harry’s house opening up. But then you recalled that sometimes his PA would do errands that required him to come to the house. So you just got out of the tub quickly and rinsed your body off in the shower before getting into your robe in case he came upstairs for any reason. You were just getting one of Harry’s hoodies when you heard his voice.

“Baby? Are you still here?” He called out as you heard the front door shut heavily against the frame. You hurried into the yoga pants you’d grabbed and rushed out to see him coming up the stairs. 

“You came back.” You sighed in relief as he hurried up and he just pulled you right into his arms and you started to cry.

“I’m so sorry. I should never have left you like this, baby.” He sniffled as he kissed your head over and over again. “I love you so much. I love you so fucking much.” He assured you. “I’m not leaving you alone with this, baby.” He said to you and you pulled back a bit to look at him.

“What do you…mean by that?”

“It means that we’re doing this together.” He said to you and you shook your head.

“I can’t…I couldn’t do that to you.” You said to him and he shook his head.

“You’re not doing anything to me, baby. If you’re keeping this baby I am choosing to do this with you. I know it’s going to be hard but I will be there for you every step of the way and love our little babygirl with everything I am. I love you far too much to not see this through with you.” He said and you just broke down and hugged him tight.

You had no words, there was just joy. You knew this would be hard and challenging and even sad at times, but he’d come back to you and he wanted you to stay with him.

“I love you so much, H.” You finally whispered before kissing his lips.

“You’re everything to me, baby. We’re gonna get through this.” He smiled and you smiled.

“Promise?”

“I promise.” He smiled, “It was actually my mum who reminded me that biology had nothing to do with being a great father, so…she doesn’t hate you.” He said and you chuckled through your tears.

“Good, that would’ve definitely been the worst outcome.” You said jokingly and he smiled. “And look, I know that there are a lot of logistics and other things to discuss and I’m still sorting through that mentally, s-so if you can just be a little patient with me while I…get that together in my head I would really appreciate that. I’m still processing that there’s a little person forming in there and it’s kind of…freaky.” You said as you looked up into his eyes and he sputtered on a laugh. You frowned at his reaction, “What?”

“I thought you were going to say it was magical or amazing, not freaky.” He giggled and you did as well. 

“Oh…well, I…I don’t feel…happy about it yet.” You confessed to him and this brought on a fresh wave of tears, “I feel like shit about that. Like I’m gonna be a mom, I should be happy, not freaked out, shouldn’t I?” You asked him.

“Not necessarily. You can feel however you want about it, baby.” He assured you, “Especially in this situation, it’s come as a surprise to you. I don’t judge you at all for not feeling happy about this yet, baby.”

“Promise?”

“I swear it.” He promised before pecking your lips again quickly.

“Thank you.” You whispered and he nodded and smile at you.

“Wanna do something to take your mind off of things for a bit?” He asked.

“Like what?”

“We can…sort through the pantry and fridge and see what foods you’ll have an aversion to?” He offered and you smiled and shook your head at his bizarre, yet completely productive suggestion. “I see you trying to hold back your smile.” He teased and you finally gave in.

“That’s the wildest but most genius thing you’ve ever suggested.” You giggled.

“I know. Imagine how smart our kid’s gonna be?! We’ve got this in the bag.” He said confidently.

“You think so?” You asked and he nodded.

“With you as her mum, I know so.” He smiled.

…. 1 YEAR LATER ….

You woke up feeling completely refreshed and renewed. It was absolutely quiet in the house and it was strange to wake up in silence. When you rolled over and looked at your phone you saw it was nearly 10am and shot out of bed. You had no idea how you’d slept in that much! The baby needed to be fed and changed! You hurried over to the nursery already thinking up an apology in your head for Ellie. But when you made it into the nursery it was empty. Harry had some work to do for Pleasing today so you knew he’d be out. Maybe he called someone to come look after the baby? When you passed by his home studio on the way to the kitchen you heard his voice along with others, so you knocked on the door.

“Come in!” He called quickly and you peeked inside and immediately smiled when you saw Harry spin around in the chair with Elara sitting on his lap, she was literally just chilling there while she drooled all over one of the newer nail polishes Pleasing would release soon. He smiled at you over the sounds of whoever was speaking right now. “Hey guys, are we good for today or is there anything else we needed to go over?” He asked with a smile as you waved from the background.

“We’re all good!” You heard and then heard the multiple voices bidding farewell to you and baby Elara before he hung up.

“You didn’t have to do that.” You said to him as you walked into the room to grab her from him.

“It’s alright, baby, we were just chatting a bit.” He assured you, “Weren’t we?” He asked the baby who just ignored him to keep attempting to bite the bottle in her hands before he started to rub at her back.

“I know you had work, you should’ve woken me up.” You said as you kissed his head.

“No way.” He chuckled, “You know, you slept through two whole alarms, you clearly needed the rest. I thought you were dead for second there.” He said with grin and you tutted.

“Don’t even say that.” You scolded.

“You’re right, sorry. Bad joke.” He corrected himself, “But really, my love, I don’t mind doing these launch plan meetings online, it’s none of the fun stuff so.” He shrugged and you smiled, “Besides when I have Ellie on camera everyone is so obsessed with her little smile that they’re so agreeable, so it’s a win-win.” He chuckled and you smirked.

“God forbid the paps see her and exploit her for money, but her own father is exploiting her cuteness for sway in the board room.” You said with a grin and he chuckled.

“Hey, she likes hearing all the commotion too.” He added and you smiled before kissing the top of her head and she sighed and laid over his chest making you both coo. “She finally slept through the night. Sorry you missed it.” He said softly and you chuckled.

“I’m sorry you’re so used to waking up to her crying that you noticed!” You giggled as you raked your fingers through his curls easily and he hummed.

“I don’t mind it. Reminds me that this little cutie is finally here.” He said and you smiled at how sweet he was with her.

“I can’t believe she’ll be six whole months tomorrow.” You said in disbelief.

“I know…S’your half birthday, bub.” He said to her and she just blinked tiredly, "She’s perfect though, isn’t she? Your little twin.” He hummed with pride as he looked down at her and then at you again. You nodded and watched him with her for a few moments.

Harry had nothing but love for baby Elara. He adored her completely. He almost felt silly for being so worried that he wouldn’t bond with her as genuinely as if she were his biological daughter. Once he saw you starting to show and you guys started shopping for the nursery, and picking out baby names, every ounce of doubt he had melted away. That was his daughter in every sense of the word. He had so much love for the both of you that he felt like his heart would burst sometimes.

“I love you so much.” You said to him and he glanced up at you.

“More than Ellie?” He smirked and you chuckled.

“The same, I think.” You hummed and he looked surprised.

“Oh wow, I was expecting a firm no.” He laughed.

“Oh my god…I love you both. It’s a bit different for sure but I somehow get it all to fit in my heart.” You said and he smiled as he stood up.

“Look at her, she’s about to pass out again.” He said as he looked down at the baby.

“I think we should get her back in the crib and have a cuddle. We can watch that show you’ve been pestering me about.” He suggested

“Love is Blind?” You gasped and he nodded. 

Soon enough you had washed your face and brushed your teeth, as you did every morning, all while Harry got Ellie down. But he soon joined you in bed as you waited for him to return. He climbed into the bed beside you and like a magnet, you immediately scooted right up against him and kissed him gently, it caught him by surprise.

“Thank you for letting me sleep in, baby. That was exquisite.” You confessed and he smiled and pecked your lips again.

“Of course, baby. Anytime.” He smiled. “I do have a question for you though…when are we going to have another baby?” He asked you and you giggled.

“Ummm, ask me in a year!” You laughed.

“A year?” He scoffed.

“Hey, it’s hard work!” You added and he smiled.

“Yeah, but it’s so worth it, isn’t it?” He asked with a smile and you sighed happily at his response.

“Yeah…” you hummed, “It’s all worth it.” You smiled.

“Our little family makes me so happy, I just want one more.” He said and you glanced into his eyes.

“Just one more.” You agreed and he chuckled.

“Yeah, just one.” He assured you, “So in a year I’ll ask again, okay?”

“Okay.” You sniggered and kissed him quickly again before you got the show going.

You were explaining a little bit about why you were suddenly so interested in this show without trying to give away too much of what you knew had gone down, thanks to your friends and social media. He easily got sucked into the narrative and when you both started commenting as you watched on you just got so happy that you could share something so simple together and then also something as huge and serious as a baby. It made your tummy flutter and swirl with love for him and you then realized that maybe it would be less than a year before you’d be trying for another baby and you were perfectly alright with that.

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[perfectlyoongi]

OLDER-BROTHER!YOONGI who has been tying your shoelaces since you were little. Yoongi still had that image in his mind of you crying in the rain because you tripped over your shoes and got all wet. since that day, Yoongi has always made a point of tying your shoes before leaving the house. and now, even though you were adults with separate lives, Yoongi couldn’t control his habit whenever you slept at each other’s houses. “wait, you still need to tie the laces. you can fall, you know that. nevermind, i don’t mind bending down. it’s not like this is my first time.”

OLDER-BROTHER!YOONGI who still intimidates any suitor of yours. when you were just 5 years old, Yoongi remembered how that boy who bothered you so much started running away when he saw Yoongi picking you up from school. since then, Yoongi has made it his personal mission to fend off any and all suitors you might have. he was your older brother. somehow, he always looked out for you. and Yoongi guaranteed that he would continue to take care of you, no matter how old you were, no matter how many suitors you had. if they really wanted you, they could put up with an intimidating Yoongi for a few minutes. “oh? are you really sure you want to bring your new friend to lunch? well, if it’s just a friend, i’m okay with it. but if it’s something else…”

OLDER-BROTHER!YOONGI who still cooks lunch for you whenever you need. if you asked Yoongi, he would say he only learned how to cook so he could make your favorite dishes. during school, Yoongi always woke up early to cook for you, making a point of giving you something tasty and attractive — it was already his habit. so when you spent the night at his house or when you couldn’t waste time making lunch, Yoongi would show up at your work or doorstep with a small lunch box filled with your favorite lunch. after so many years, he still knew you. “your message was full of typos. i knew right away that you were late, that’s why i cooked this to you. it’s your favorite, i hope you like it. oh, and i also brought you a piece of fruit. enjoy, minion.”

OLDER-BROTHER!YOONGI who picks you up from work or school when it’s raining. every month, Yoongi had your schedule updated and posted on the wall of his studio, and when you were still busy and the rain became more and more intense, Yoongi would put everything on hold to pick you up. whether you worked next to him or studied on the other end of town, Yoongi always found the quickest route to you, to make sure you didn’t get caught in the rain or risk getting sick. “remind me how many umbrellas i’ve given you, and how many you’ve used. just to refresh my memory. it’s just that it’s becoming really old that i have to come and get you every time it rains.”

OLDER-BROTHER!YOONGI who offers you something whenever he is with you. Yoongi was never good with words. and Yoongi was shy in his actions. but what Yoongi always did to show you that he liked you was something as simple as giving you a gift. a new book, your favorite ice cream, even a four-leaf clover he saw on the way home — no matter what. ever since you were little, Yoongi got used to giving you little souvenirs to calm your heart and this act seemed to never die, no matter how much time passed. he just wanted you to know how much he truly loved you. “there’s an origami stall back there. a lady is teaching children how to make various animals and her husband was selling some and i thought you would like this crane.”

OLDER-BROTHER!YOONGI who is always willing to give you advice, or receive it. it was three in the morning and you had come home after a date and didn’t know if they were right for you? Yoongi was already accepting your call without realizing it. you just received two equally good job offers and don’t know which one to choose? Yoongi was already ready with a list of pros and cons. was Yoongi unsure of his new project? you were already inside his studio listening to his music. Yoongi didn’t know if he could hold on a little longer? you were already by his side reassuring him that he was loved. you or him, it didn’t matter. both of you gave and received in that mutual relationship of complicity. only Yoongi knew what was best for you. only you knew what was best for Yoongi. and that was enough. “i’m going for an interview now but as soon as i leave i’ll call you. it’s not supposed to take long, so you can think about what you really want to say and i’ll help you later. if you want, i can even write the message for you. i have to go. don’t make any stupid decisions before i get back!”

OLDER-BROTHER!YOONGI who looks at you with eyes full of pride just because you are you. watching you from afar only squeezed Yoongi’s heart. yesterday you were still a small child and today you were already signing the contract for your first job. time flew between your childhood and your adulthood, and all this time, Yoongi was watching you. you were such a pure, innocent child and managed to transform into this responsible, mature adult — only Yoongi knew how many heartaches it took to make you so grown up. “it seems like yesterday that i gave you a piggyback because you had hurt your knee on the slide. and now i’m inside your first apartment that you bought with your first job. you’re growing up too fast and i don’t like it. stop. stop right now.”

[writerspirit]

Something of a Secret

Pairing(s): Avis Amberg x Fem!Reader

Synopsis: You are invited to your first Hollywood party as an actress. What happens at these parties… well, that’s for the elites to know, and for you to keep secret.

Themes/Warnings: 18+, age gap, suggestive language, implied smut, sexual teasing, jealousy, protective Avis

A/N: Firstly, I apologize for some awkward writing decisions here. Secondly, I know I’m leaving you all hanging on other promised projects, and I am truly sorry for that. Scrambling so many ideas at once is a bitch! (I promise I’m not ungrateful.) Requests are always open in the comments or my personal messages. Anyway, enjoy the incomparable Avis Amberg!

WC: ~ 3.33k

Taglist: @live-laugh-love-lupone

The parties at Vivien Leigh’s house were never discreet. People from nearly every job there could be in Hollywood got invited at least once in there time. Whether those people were memorable, that was all up to the people in charge. 

That’s when the words given to you directly from Ellen rang through your ears. “You have to always find a way to be noticed. Or else the only people taking a look at you are you and the reflection in your mirror.”

Your closet, although becoming filled with luxury items, there is still the abundance of clothing from a life you’re lucky enough to call your past. Old beaten up boots, worn down and colorless sweaters stand out against the vibrant colors of the newer pieces hanging up. 

The question of what to wear tosses around in your mind. The few yet very different styles present as both good and bad tastes for the event. It is, although ordinary for the other attendees, your first exclusive party while under your new contract at Ace Studios. 

You find, in your search, a box almost hidden away in a corner. Gifted to you by Avis for your performance in the film that earned you a slight grasp of fame. The big red bow still sits atop the box, as if you’re opening it for the first time. A smile creeps onto your lips at the memory of Avis handing it to you.

— — — —

“For you, darling,” Avis gleams, enthusiasm radiating off the woman.

You give her an intrigued look, a mixture of interest and curiosity. 

“Just something for your efforts. Go on, open it, doll. You’ve earned it.”

“Avis, you shouldn’t have—”

“Believe me, you’re worth it. Now hurry before I lose my nerve and open it for you.”

You open the box revealing a pair of black open-toed stilettos. A pair you were eyeing in one of Avis’ many catalogues. You were brought out of your amazement when a gentle hand found your cheek, wiping away a tear that fell from your eye.

You immediately bring Avis into a hug. A couple of stray tears slip from your eyes staining your cheeks. When you pull away, her hands pull you into a soft kiss.

“Do you like them? I hope they are the correct size.” You heard the slight uncertainty in her quavery tone. Almost skeptical of her own judgment.

“They’re perfect, darling. Absolutely stunning,” you reassure her. “I could never repay you for this, though.”

Her eyes scan over your features. Her eyes find focus on your lips. Her hand lowers to your thigh. She husks, “I’m sure we can both think up a way to pay Mama.”

— — — —

“Stilettos, it is,” you whisper, as if speaking of the gift aloud is a sin. Your hands reach for them, gently holding the pair until they are placed on the bed. “Now for the big show.”

Your eyes scan between two gowns. One being a gorgeous cerulean gown, which was also gifted by Avis. The satin material of the garment matching its elegant design. The other, an almost equally stunning blush getup, gifted by a beau who happens to be a name plastered on a few posters around the town. 

“Avis, you clever woman,” the words are breathless falling from your lips.

— — — —

The house is filled with producers, directors, actors and actresses, most of whom have their hands on fame and fortune. Others haven’t been given such graces.

A light gasp leaves your mouth at the sight of the illuminated house before you. Your car pulls into the large driveway, already lined with luxurious cars only seen driven by elites of the world. Not that you’ve traveled far, but going based off the stories Avis tells you in your conversations, these are the vehicles that wealthy money gets you.

“Is here okay, Miss Y/l/n?”

You give your driver a quick glance, quickly turning back towards the house. “Leonard, I have told you plenty of times that Y/n is just fine. Formalities be damned with us.”

He chuckles. He looks back at you from the driver’s seat, and sends you a picture perfect smile. “My apologies,” his posh accent seeps through his words. His eyes scan your appearance before his smile grows. “I’m sure Mrs. Amberg will be pleased with your ensemble tonight.”

A rush is sent to your cheeks at the thought of the woman. Leonard takes a hand in his, noticing the sudden new tint to your face. “Oh dear, I’ve turned you embarrassed.”

He makes his way out of the car, and turns to open your door. “I suppose I’ve dressed for her eyes this evening. Although I wouldn’t mind having a few other’s set on me. Ellen says when the focus is on you, make the most of that time.”

Leonard chuckles at your cheekiness, understanding that under your words, there is the uncertainty of Avis paying you an ounce of attention tonight. This diffidence, he acknowledges, pays you much discomfort. 

His hand leads you to the front door, as he does when escorting you to all of your destinations that he is able to drive you to. Gentlemanly manners, like his, was a must when Avis was hiring a driver for you. Getting to know Leonard for yourself, you imagine it doesn’t take money for him to treat anyone with such kindness.

A gentle kiss to his cheek and a squeeze of his hands send him off into the car, and away until your call for his services.

Walking into the large abode, you quickly notice the liveliness that fills the space. An only slight contrast to the outside. 

“Y/n, darling, you made it,” Vivien’s voice booms through the room. Your eyes land on the obviously drunken woman, who is rushing towards you. She envelops you in a hug, which unbeknownst to you catches the eyes of one Avis Amberg, who is in conversation with Ellen and Richard. “I didn’t expect you to make it.”

You smile at her, never being one to be seen, or even expectantly noticed, by such a highly-celebrated actress. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

“You are my world, my love.”

The memory sends a shiver down your spine. Vivien grabs hold of your hand, and pulls you straight to the open bar. The young bartender hands you your usual cocktail, as though your order was plastered across your forehead. “How—”

“Just following orders, ma’am,” he remarks. “Enjoy. I was informed to take your orders if another drink is requested.”

Avis. Cheeky Avis.

“Thank you…”

“Sebastian,” he finishes, an obviously practiced smile accompanied by the name.

“Sebastian,” you echo. “Thank you, Sebastian.”

Avis excuses herself from her conversation, heading towards you.

Vivien playfully taps your arm. “Stop the flirting, you two.”

“Flirting, Y/n,” Avis’ voice seeps with a venom you’ve only heard in your not so innocent encounters. “Careful, or someone may catch the wrong impression of you, dear.”

“Mrs. Amberg,” you start. Your eyes landing on her exposed neckline—a place you’ve been known to latch onto as she rakes her fingers through your hair. “Lovely to see you.”

She gives you a mischievous smile. “Likewise.”

You feel a hand on the small of your back. Her eyes scan your face, as you react to her liking. The straw in your glass making its way to your lips to cover the small gasp that slips from you.

Avis’ lips hover over your ear for a second, as her words are meant for you and you alone. “You’ll be punished for that later.”

Your eyes meet hers when she pulls herself from your space. “I wasn’t,” you start, but are immediately met with a hand up to stop you.

“Excuses, Y/n,” she hisses. “Are for the use of cowards who don’t stand their ground. I thought I taught you that we are not those people.”

“Yes, ma’am,” you mumble. “I apologize.”

She grabs hold of your arm, giving it a small squeeze. “No need for apologies, dear. Like I said, you will make it up later.”

You take a strong sip from your straw. Along with a clear of your throat, you look around for possible lingering eyes. You catch a pair of eyes and a smile, belonging to Ellen, watching in awe of her friend’s boldness.

Avis never strays her eyes from you. Her hand however, lowers, giving a little squeeze. One that isn’t foreign to you, although powerful in melting for her. 

You squeal at the action, not having expected anything so risqué to happen while here. “Relax, sweetheart,” Avis growls. “There are eyes everywhere, and secrets are what makes this town.”

She grabs hold of your hand. Bringing it up to her lips, she places a gentle kiss to it. “Mr. Amberg is out of town on business, which means Mama will be free the next few days.”

Your eyes follow your hand as she lowers it from her lips. “Avis, the stain will never leave my hand,” you utter. “They’ll know once they see it.”

“Good,” she growls. She brings her face mere inches from your own. Feeling her breath on your skin, goosebumps rise up your arms. “These people need to know you aren’t available to them.”

Your name is heard from a group of women chatting across the vast lawn. You turn and smile, waving a hello. Their faces light up at you, and beckon you over.

She gathers herself. “I have other people to make small talk with. Will I have to keep an eye on you tonight?”

Your mind races with possible answers. “No, ma’am,” you breathe.

“No… who?”

“No, Mama,” you correct. You smile at your own cheekiness. 

“Very well. Have fun tonight.”

— — — —

“Anyway, that is why I propose that Ace Studios carry out the seemingly smaller projects and focus on those, while these other studios compile these garbage collections of so called movies.”

The man’s voice is lost to Avis, as she focuses her attention to you in the next room. Her gaze steady, as she notices you’re speaking with an executive at a rival studio.

She also notices his subtle smile at your words. The man is nameless to Avis, although she has noticed his popularity with a few of the other actresses throughout the night.

“Excuse me, but do you know that man speaking to that young woman over there?”

The man in conversation with her collects his thoughts as he follows her gaze. “Ah, that is Frederick Clapton. Up-and-coming manager turned co-owner of a production company, thanks to his folks. He’s been trying to hustle the new meat into his lap.”

“Thank you. That’ll be all,” she states, her eyes still focused on you.

“Martin,” the man says.

“Right.”

As Avis starts her way to you, Richard and Ellen stop in front of her. “I don’t think Vivien would take kindly to you acting like a raged bull in her home.”

“Get out of my way, Dick.”

“The girl is fresh meat in a pool of pariahs. Did you expect anything less from these people?”

Avis scoffs at his remarks. However true, she still doesn’t care to watch snakes pining for your talent.

“No need to worry, Avis. I have prepared her for these kinds of situations, and I am sure she isn’t one to fall for such… desperation,” Ellen adds. She uses the word loosely, as the three are the only ones fully aware of your… relationship. “She is a smart girl.”

“And besides,” Dick clears his throat before taking a light sip of his bourbon. “I believe that she knows better than to make small talk with a goober unless there was some kind of gain.”

Against Avis’ better judgment, the three see your hand playfully tap his chest. His hands find a place atop your’s. She lets out a heavy gasp.

“Oh dear,” Ellen utters.

“Move,” Avis snaps. “Now!”

They make no fight, moving aside for her. She makes way darting for you, eyes darkened with a fiery anger. 

Your giggles add fuel to the already scorching heat of the fire you’ve caused. “Going after my clients, Freddie,” her voice sharpened as her eyes fix themselves to shoot daggers through his. “So new, yet already as sneaky as the rest of these snakes.”

Your hand falls from his chest. Your breath catches in your throat, as you feel the heat radiating from her body. 

He huffs at her comments, not having been affected by Avis’ coldness. “Mrs. Amberg, what a pleasure.” His hand extends, offering her a handshake. Avis stands in a still, unwavering stance. Confidence exudes her as she doesn’t take his hand. 

“Y/n, dear, a moment please,” Ellen’s inquires.

You nod, making a slow but steady move toward the two standing across the hallway in the other room.

“That poor girl,” Richard whispers, only loud enough for Ellen’s ears to pick up.

“Poor girl? That man is about to get his behind handed to him and Avis barely knows his name.” Ellen laughed.

You reach the two, who are both clutching their chests in fits of quiet laughter. They quickly silence themselves, noticing your wide eyes and clenched hands at your sides. “I messed up, didn’t I?”

“Oh, you messed up big,” Dick answers. “In fact, I don’t know if messed up is the phrasing I’d use here.”

“I was just trying to play around. Get word from a few higher ups here.”

“Sweetheart, Avis is thee higher up here. You know that.”

You tense up at Ellen’s words. Sure, Ace Studios has you under contract. Avis made sure of that. For now, that is. 

“She’s going to kill me, isn’t she?”

“Maybe, after she lays out her first victim of the night. I’m sure you’re next on the list.”

“I was just talking to the pretty lady ab—”

“That pretty lady has a name.”

“Well yes, but—”

“So you come here, sweet talk a few ladies tonight, loosen them up, have a go at them, promising a contract they’ll have to inevitably work for afterwards, then push them away?”

“Um…” he stumbles over his words.

Avis grabs a firm hold onto his shirt, pulling him towards her. “Stay away from her, or I will be personally responsible for your ass getting thrown on the curb.”

She straightens his shirt for him, a faux smile plasters her face. “Enjoy the rest of your evening, Mr. Clapton.”

Avis sends him a wink, sending a shiver down the man’s spine. She stalks toward you, hands set firmly at her sides.

“Avis, I’m so—”

Her hands grab your waist, pulling you against her. Her lips make contact with yours, smudging your lipstick with hers. 

She pulls away, giving enough space for you to compose yourself. She smiles contentedly as her mark is left on you, more visible than the one previously set on your hand.

“We’re leaving,” she orders, a sternness in her voice. “Get in the car.”

Your breath hitches, your eyes turn as you quickly scan your surroundings. “Avis,” you breathe.

“Goodnight, Ellen,” Avis places a gentle hand over the woman’s arm. “Dick, tomorrow morning for the board meeting.”

He purses his lips and sends a nod her way.

Avis sends parting wishes to Vivien, who is as drunk as the day is long. The woman attempts to grab hold of you for another hug, but is stopped by Avis’ hands pulling you flush against her side, her hand resting on your waist.

You send her a warning glare. 

At the doorway, you are met by Avis’ driver. He sends you a smile. “Mrs. Amberg. Miss Y/l/n. Lovely night, I presume?”

“The night was unbearably long. You know how these things bore me to tears. It’s a wonder I came to this one,” Avis quips.

The man you’ve come to know by his title — Driver — opens the doors for you and Avis. When he gets to the driver’s seat, he drives off from the property.

You quickly realize the route he is taking you is towards the Amberg residence.

“Avis, I can’t be seen there.”

“Don’t worry. Ace knows that I sometimes bring business associates to the house.”

“I am not your business associate, Avis.”

“Well aren’t you the smart little cookie.” The venom heard earlier in the evening returns.

“I know people saw us at Vivien’s house. And those stunts–”

"Stunts? Oh," she scoffs. "Doll, if you're talking about stunts, why don't we bring to light you practically throwing yourself to that nobody? Not to mention the others I saw you talking to."

“What I was doing was networking,” you bite. “In case you haven’t noticed, Mrs. Amberg, I am still held under a microscope here. I barely have my foot in the door, and most of the time, I can’t tell if that is because of my talent or who beds me.”

Her eyes widen at your confession. To think, she makes you feel… undervalued.

“Driver, stop here. We’ll walk the rest of the way.”

You wipe tears away from your eyes. Avis can’t help but to stray her eye from your distress. Her hand tries to make contact with your thigh, which tenses at her attempt. At that, she recedes her hand back to her person.

The driver opens Avis’ door first. His hand is offered to her, which she hesitantly takes. Before he can start for your door, she walks for it, grabbing the handle. You look up at her, eyes slick with tears. 

Your hand trembles as it meets hers, gently pulling you out of the car. She pulls you close to her, her eyes studying your features. “You’re not just a lay, Y/n. Beyond who you are to me, you are a fantastic actress. A name that one day will be shining around this town. I am sure of it.”

Your lips curve into a half smile. You let out a soft sigh. 

“You don’t believe me,” she concedes.

Your lips purse together. Your eyes are unsteadily focusing on anything but hers.

“I suppose you’ll just have to take my word for it, for now.”

Her hand snakes over your waist. “We don’t have to talk. But we are going to walk into the house with you on my arm because I need to make up for my… abhorrent behavior this evening.”

You snicker, the small laugh pulling more than words could for the older woman.

“Give me a little credit… I hardly ever apologize to anyone.” Her words come off lighter now, as she sends you a smile. Her eyes focus on your lips, as they reciprocate hers with your own smile.

Avis lets out a small chortle. “There it is.” You give her a raised brow. Her fingers curl under your chin, starting a trace over your jawline. “That goddamn gorgeous smile.”

Her hand finds your cheek, resting there. You lean in, placing a gentle peck on her lips. At your pulling back, your gaze meets hers. The pupils in her eyes dilate, making your heart pound against your chest. The desire for you to devour her—worship her—growing stronger than you recall ever before.

Avis lays a gentle hand to your side, her fingers tingling with the affection she is impatiently waiting to give you. 

“Say something. Please. The silence is torturing me.”

“I suppose an apology is a good start.”

Avis lets out a contented sigh. “That’s great.”

“But you still have a lot of making up to do.”

“Trust me, sweetheart,” her words carry with a honey-like sweetness. “Mama’ll make everything right.”

Your arms lace around her neck. You place a soft kiss to her lips, which she deepens almost instantly. Before things escalate further, you pull back.

“Do we really have to walk,” you whine.

Avis chuckles. “No, driver can take us back.”

You lean into her. Your voice lowers for her ears. “Good… it’d be a shame if we had to wait longer for the fun to begin.”

[gvnvks]

zb1 boys being clingy

> pairings: non-idol!zb1 x fem!reader

> warnings: lowercase intended, not proofread

> song recommendation: one missed call by jann

> note: idk yall this kinda sucks ass, especially the hanbin and taerae ones cuz i ran out of ideas 😭 requests r open

김 jiwoong.

jiwoong had been working on his latest movie project for weeks now, and he was starting to feel the toll it was taking on his body and mind. the only thing keeping him going was the thought of seeing you - his girlfriend. as soon as he spotted you, he ran towards you and engulfed you in a tight embrace, inhaling your sweet scent. you laughed at your boyfriends sudden clinginess, but reciprocated the hug nonetheless. “I missed you.” jiwoong whispered into your ear, you rubbing his back soothingly. “I missed you too.” you whispered back. jiwoong didn't want to let go of you just yet, so he wrapped his arm around your waist as the both of you walked towards his trailer. he leaned his head on your shoulder, enjoying your warmth and the feeling of being close to you. “you’re my favorite person, (y/n).” your boyfriend murmured, causing you to smile. “i better be! i’m the only one you’ve got.” you teased, poking his side playfully. jiwoong chuckled, but his grip on you tightened. he nuzzled his face into your neck, feeling content and at ease in your presence. jiwoong didn't want this moment to end, but he knew he had to go back to filming soon. “I wish you could stay here with me forever.”

rest members under the cut!

장 hao.

hao had been practicing playing the violin for hours, trying to perfect a new piece. his fingers were sore and his mind was exhausted, but all he could think about was you. he decided to take a break and texted you to come over. as soon as you arrived, hao wrapped his arms around your waist and rested his head on your shoulder. “hey,” he mumbled, his voice tired but affectionate. "i missed you so much today." you smiled, running your fingers through his hair. "i missed you too, hao. how’s the practicing going?" hao groaned and pulled away slightly, leaning against the wall for support. "it's so frustrating. i can't seem to get this piece right." you placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. “don’t stress to much, hao. you’re amazing.” hao nodded, grateful for your words of comfort. he leaned in again, wrapping his arms tightly around your waist and burying his face in your neck. "i just want to be close to you, is that okay?" hao hesitated for a while. you laughed softly, running your hands up and down his back. “what do you mean? why wouldn’t it be? i love you.” hao smiled, his eyes closed in contentment. “i love you too.” you stood there in comfortable silence, enjoying each other's company and the feeling of being close.

성 hanbin

hanbin was sitting on the bed, you busy with your books and notes spread out in front of you. he had planned to play some video games but found himself more interested in snuggling up to you. he leaned over, resting his chin on your shoulder, watching you study. “you look so cute when you're studying,” he said, pressing a quick kiss to your cheek. you smiled, continuing to write down some notes, trying not to be distracted by his affectionate gestures. “hanbin, i need to finish studying.” you reminded him gently, hoping he would let go and let you concentrate. “just a few more minutes,” he pleaded, not wanting to let go of you just yet. “you're so warm and cozy.” as you continued to work, hanbin played with your hair, occasionally pressing a kiss to your temple or neck. despite his clinginess, you couldn't help but find it endearing and a welcome distraction from your schoolwork. after what felt like hours, you finally finished studying and let out a sigh of relief. hanbin beamed at you, pulling you into a tight hug. "see, i knew you could do it," he said, nuzzling his face into your hair.

석 matthew.

the dance studio was quiet except for the soft humming of the music in the background. the sun was shining through the window, casting a warm glow over the room. matthew had always been a dedicated dancer, and he was constantly striving to improve his skills. but on this particular day, the heat in the dance studio was almost unbearable, and he found himself struggling to keep up with the rigorous routine. as he took a break, you approached him with a concerned look on you face. “hey, you okay?” you asked, noticing the beads of sweat that were forming on his forehead. your boyfriend nodded, feeling a sense of relief as you gently wiped the sweat away with your fingers. “thanks,” he said, his voice hoarse from the exertion. as you continued to wipe the sweat from his forehead, matthew couldn't help but feel a sense of comfort as he clung tightly to your side, holding your other hand in his. he knew that he was pushing himself to his limits, but he also knew that he had you by his side, supporting him every step of the way. “this is tough, but you’re tougher. i’m so proud of you.” you said, your voice filled with admiration. matthew smiled, feeling a surge of energy as he looked into your eyes. “i love you.” he said, his voice filled with emotion, as he took your hands and nuzzled his face in them, trying to smell your scent.

김 taerae.

taerae had been feeling down lately, and he couldn't quite put his finger on why. he tried to push through it, but it seemed like everything was getting on top of him. he just wanted to feel better, but he didn't know how. one day, while he was spending time with you, he couldn't help but feel a wave of sadness wash over him. taerae hugged you tightly, feeling your warmth and softness of your body against his, his head laying on your chest, his heartbeat syncing with yours. “what’s wrong, rae?” you whispered softly, rubbing his back. taerae shook his head. “i don't know. i just feel like everything's getting on top of me, you know? like I'm failing at everything.” you pulled back slightly to look into his eyes. “you aren’t failing at anything, you’re doing exactly what you should be doing. every day may not be a good day, but there is something good in every day. remember that you have my full support, taerae, no matter what you do. you're amazing. you just need to take some time for yourself and do things that make you happy." taerae nodded, feeling a little better already. his lips found their way to your temple, kissing you gently. then again, he put his head on your chest, feeling your heart. he knew that no matter what, you were there for him. always. you feel asleep holding taerae in your arms, feeling more complete than ever.

리키 ricky.

you and ricky were walking around the shopping mall, browsing through different stores. as you passed by a clothing store, you stopped to look at a dress in the window display. ricky, who was walking a few steps behind you, noticed your interest and quickly caught up to you. “that's a nice dress,” he commented, looking at the dress in the window. “wanna try it on?” he asked, now looking at your face. “of course!” you replied enthusiastically, already leading the way into the store. as you entered, ricky wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him. you smiled, feeling comforted by his touch. as you browsed through the racks of clothing, you picked out a few items to try on. ricky followed her into the changing room, waiting outside your stall. as she tried on the clothes, you couldn't help but notice how ricky was being extra clingy today. he would occasionally lean over to give you a kiss on the cheek or brush his hand against yours. “is everything okay?” you asked, noticing how he seemed to be holding onto you tightly. ricky hesitated for a moment before speaking up, “i just want to be close to you today. is that okay?” “of course,” you replied, smiling at him. “i'm always here for you, ricky.” ricky pulled you in for a tight embrace, feeling grateful for your understanding. "thank you." he whispered, holding you close.

김 gyuvin.

gyuvin was sitting on the couch, completely engrossed in his video game. you were sitting next to him, scrolling through your phone, trying not to disturb his focus. as he played, he found himself becoming more and more frustrated, unable to get past a difficult level. without thinking, he leaned over and rested his head on your shoulder, letting out a sigh of frustration. you looked up, surprised by the sudden contact, but smiled and wrapped his arm around him. gyuvin leaned into you, feeling comforted by your warmth and presence. he continued to play the game, occasionally letting out a grunt or a curse when he failed to make a move. but each time, you would rub his back or run your fingers through his hair, reminding him that he wasn't alone. as the game went on, gyuvin found himself less and less interested in winning and more interested in simply being close to you. he let the controller fall to the floor and turned to face you, burying his face in your neck. “i love you.” he murmured unexpectedly, his voice muffled by your hair.

박 gunwook.

you and gunwook were lounging on the couch, casually chatting and enjoying each other's company. gunwook couldn't help but admire your beauty, from your sparkling eyes to your lips. without a second thought, he reached out and began tracing the contours of your face with his fingertips, marveling at the softness of your skin. as he continued to trace your features, he suddenly felt overcome with emotions and found himself clinging tightly to you, burying his face in your neck. you could feel the intensity of his embrace and wrapped your arms around him in return, trying to comfort him. “i'm sorry, (y/n),” gunwook mumbled into your shoulder. “i just love you so much and I don't know what i'd do without you.” you smiled softly and ran your fingers through his hair. “i love you too, gunwook. you don't have to apologize for feeling emotional, it's okay.” gunwook took a deep breath and pulled back slightly, gazing into your eyes. “i know, i just... i want you to know how much you mean to me. you're everything to me.” you leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to his soft, plush lips. "i know, gunwook. and i feel the same way about you."

한 yujin.

you and yujin were sitting at the desk in his bedroom, working on your homework assignments. you had been studying for hours and were both feeling exhausted. as you were writing something down, yujin leaned his head on your shoulder, letting out a tired sigh. you looked at him with concern. “are you okay, yujin?” yujin looked up at you with a small smile. “i'm fine, just tired.” you placed your hand on his back and rubbed it gently. “do you want to take a break?” yujin shook his head. “no, we need to finish this first.” you nodded in understanding but noticed yujin was getting more and more restless as the minutes passed. suddenly, he wrapped his arms around you, burying his face in your neck. “yujin, what are you doing?” you asked with a surprised look on your face. “i just need to be close to you,” yujin mumbled, his grip tightening. you could feel his body shaking slightly, and you knew something was wrong. “what's going on? talk to me, yujin.” “i don't know,” yujin admitted. “i just feel so overwhelmed and stressed out. And being close to you makes me feel better.” you held him close, rubbing his back as he clung to you. “it's okay, yujin. I'm here for you. we'll get through this together.”

gvnvks © 2023

[vitaminseetarot]

PAC: An Exchange For Your Desire 🦇🔮

Hey y'all, I'm back for another reading on this night of Halloween. Hope you're having a whimsical fun night. This PAC is inspired by recently watching Hocus Pocus 2. It was a pretty fun romp which made some good callbacks to the original.

I won't explain why the title relates to the movie to not spoil it, but I wanted to dive into a darker reading for this season. To acquire what you want, something must be exchanged. For this reading, we'll be exchanging away fears, doubts, and limiting beliefs for what aligns with our ideal life. But what will it be for you?

Pile 1 - Red, Candle 💓🔥 Pile 2 - Green, Cat 💚🐱‍🐉 Pile 3 - Purple, Book 💜📖

Pile 1 - Red, Candle 💓🔥

Temperance, Eight of Pentacles, Three of Pentacles; Tiger; Radiant; "the infinite ocean of ideas we're all allowed to swim in"; 12 - Let it Out! Dare to be Heard. In Your Darkness & Your Light.

Hey there, pile 1. There's something glittery and warm about your reading. Bright, excited, festive. You may be artistic in nature, or you've been feeling an extra bout of creative inspiration lately. You have so many rich avenues to explore, I feel more than one thing may be calling you (like pursuing jewelry making and crocheting) or you are skilled in many areas. You might have one idea that stands out and shines more brightly than the others. Yet while you yearn to reach for it and claim it as yours, a strange force pulls you back. The fog whispers that you have to be even-keeled, fold back, and not reveal too much of yourself. But this idea might be taking you down a path uncharted, where no one can easily hold your hand to guide you with advice. It may be completely against an agreed code or standard. I'm hearing possibly provocative, your work could stir up energies that would rather stay sheltered and dormant. It may feel overwhelming to even think of committing to the concept.

Perhaps you've been given word over the years that it's better to always be modest about your work. It could be that you were taught to always protect your ideas and concepts from outside influence. Maybe even that it's important to listen to others' advice when it came to analyzing your creative vision, that your work should please the masses. These things, in and of themselves, are not necessarily bad. But when it mixes with guilt and imposter syndrome in the same cauldron, things are bound to erupt. The opulent tiger wants to remind you of your inner desire for positive recognition for your original creative ideas. It wants to back in radiance of a vision made clear, a job well done. But the fog mixing in the cool night air distorts your vision, presenting a hundred good ideas while telling you only one will work. Maybe not all of them will work, but out of the infinite pool you have access to, some are bound to be sure winners. It's all a matter of focusing one at a time while knowing that other drafts and concepts will be waiting for you in the wing.

I love this oracle card with the trumpet playing skeletons (doot), it's one of my favorites. It wishes to remind you that you don't have to be afraid to show your work to somebody you trust, as long as you're comfortable in sharing it with them. Something you have created may be eligible to be published somewhere, whether digital or in person. It could be anything from fanfiction to uploading a song online to showing your vase at an art gallery. If you wish for more creative expression and inspiration in your life, you must exchange your fear of letting your projects be seen by others. You must, with eight of pentacles, chip away at the marble by making drafts and scribbling and messing around with your artistic toolbox so that energy that properly flow. Each piece may take time, and that's okay. Needing to rush the process is part of the fear that must be released, as you cannot allow artistic vision to flow on somebody else's schedule. It's the rushing culture that's hurting animation studios nowadays, so I think there is something to slowing down during creation that's needed here. Let your magic shine on its own time.

Pile 2 - Green, Cat 💚🐱‍🐉

Page of Wands, 5 of Swords, VII Chariot; Tapir; Trillion; "Goodnight! also you didn't get enough done today", 58 - Like Ivy, We Grow Best Where There is Room For Us.

Hi, pile 2. Your energy is soft and supportive like a leaf holding a raindrop. Chill, relaxed, here to help others. For the most part, you don't really mind being in your comfort zone, playing to the beat of your own drum while the world around you raves in chaos from the outside. You've been convinced that as long as you play your part and get along, things will work themselves out. In your reading, though, I see a desire for an expansion. There is something in you craving freedom from some kind of restriction. I'm seeing a princess wanting to escape the castle to run into the woods, whether to run from the duties bestowed upon her or from quarrels fuming deep within the palace halls. A princess can be beautiful, kind, erudite, and brave, but it's not until she leaves the crumbling walls behind that the world can really behold those qualities.

You could be looking at the current circumstances and wondering if it's because you haven't applied enough effort or forethought into things that plans haven't worked out or things fell apart, rather than seeing the shaky foundation to start with. Applying a thin coat of paint can't stave off the rotting of wood forever, even if it's made to preserve. In other words, if things aren't working out, try to take a look at your surroundings. Does it support you, does it lift you up? Does it cradle you from harsh influences beyond? Or is it adding to the piling stress and suppressing room for play and adventure? Is it even taking advantage of your good, easygoing nature? Tiny patches aren't going to keep everything held up, and it's only adding to the weight that you desire to release and could lead to burn out. Storytime: I once had to withdraw from my most important class in school and do it over the summer because I knew no amount of shaving off sleep to study was going to make a difference in the grade. The class needed much more nurture and attention than I could give to it at the time. The busy environment just didn't support the studying because of a packed schedule. It ended up being a wise move that worked out, though it didn't seem like it would be that way at first. This is an anecdote but if it resonates with you academically, I would talk to an advisor to decide the best course of action.

The ivy breaking out of the grave shows that you have a free spirit which cannot be tamed down by the obligatory demands of society. There is a strong need to embrace your full authenticity here so to make the changes you want to see around you, and to walk away when your surroundings refuse to change. Like moving away from a noisy apartment because you're staying true to yourself when you say you can't sleep with so much noise. If no amount of communication with the roommates or neighbors will help, moving may be the next best option. You must exchange where you are now for where you want to be next, as you deserve to thrive in a setting that nourishes your mind and soul's unique potential. You must give up the ever-present order to be agreeable to those who disrupt your boundaries and personal peace if you wish to embrace more intellectual and creative freedom, or even just extra sleep at night.

Pile 3 - Purple, Book 💜📖

III Empress, Judgement, XVIII Moon; Hermit Crab; Fire; "i am brand new + teenager me + childhood me + baby me + source"; 61 - Each Morning We May Be Born Anew. What We Do Now is What Matters Most.

How's it going, pile 3? There is a quiet feminine energy to these cards. This pile could be getting in touch with their more magnetic traits, or doing traditionally gentle hobbies to relax. I'm imagining a spa with massage and saunas, where rewinding becomes an activity in itself. I'm seeing a powerful transitional phase here with three major arcana in a row, so it may explain bouts of tiredness and confusion. Being totally switched to On mode would cause firing from every cylinder at this point in time, like a stressed snake biting its tail. Wow, I'm even yawning and tearing up while typing this, so like pile 2 there is a strong emphasis to getting much needed rest. But for you, group 3, I think this rest is really necessary to heal critical parts of you that haven't had the chance to before, things that must be put back in place before you can move forward completely. You're in a phase of deep healing on a physical and emotional level.

When we wash, we shed away old skin, and it's shown here in the cards that this is happening incrementally. As you purge and release old memories and issues of the past, those parts of you will start to feel smaller as you grow and take on greater challenges. The grade school felt big and scary until you were in high school, which by then it felt small and quaint. Much in the way that people dream at night in order to reconfigure the mind, letting go of unwanted information and consolidating important details, this is how your healing process is taking place. It doesn't always feel great in the meantime, but the greater comfort comes from knowing that it's a necessary step. Whoever told you that taking baths was only for cleansing is wrong. It may be why people technically use baths, but taking a shower just to cry and let all the sticky emotions go down the drain is also a valid reason. Whoever told you that you needed to have a good time on your breaks is also wrong. If you're going through an emotional period, every minute spent to give the feelings room to breathe and speak out is worth it. It's like ghost hunting: not everyone understands it until they feel the calm in the air.

This is a delicate phase where you're getting back in touch with yourself again. Exchange away the need to worry about what others may think of your healing process. These things happen in cycles, which don't respond to "now and forever" commands to stop. You get to decide when you're ready to step out of hiding. The only emotion to let go of once and for all is the guilt carried from having so much to feel. It can be infuriating how society makes feeling grief or even moodiness into such a big deal, instead of giving the same compassion that's given to those who are physically unwell. You don't need this kind of guilt, even if it was pushed into your hands by those who can't even utter an apology themselves. Deep emotional restoration is available to you, as you're in a phase where you're transforming and letting baggage fall away to make room for powerful growth. Let the passion rise and fall and exchange the guilt of flying away from the sorrow inflicted upon you. You have a right to heal as you wish.

This reading has not been evaluated by the FDA to diagnose, prevent, treat, or cure any disease or infection. Please ask your physician before going online.

2024, @VitaminseeTarot ™

[velvetlilacsdaisies]

Shit at Feelings iii

Bodhi Durran x fem!reader

Synopsis: Bonding with dragons? No issue. Killing venin? Unfortunate, but doable. Confronting your feelings towards your childhood best friend? No thanks.

Word count: 4.6k

Warnings: SPOILERS!! Swearing, drinking, trauma, probably not proofread well lmaooo, lmk if I missed anything

A/n: Part 3 weeeeeee! I hope you all enjoy! Couldn’t pass up on some more platonic banter between the crew. I have stuff cooking for part 4 👹👹

༺☆༻ ༺☆༻ ༺☆༻ ༺☆༻ ༺☆༻ ༺☆༻

You felt helpless, a pang of terror struck through you as three wyvern ganged up on Cleasaí and you. Though she was one of the most menacing and cunning of the Greens, every maneuver she tried to pull it seemed the wyvern knew. You were easily becoming burnt out of your power, astral projecting, never projecting the lengths you have until today to trick your opponents. Now you were about to be cornered.

“I have to try one more time,” you heaved heavily down the bond to Cleasaí. “Just to change our position.”

“You can’t,” she growled, quickly banking right past a sharp cliff side, her tail catching the earth and flinging it back at green fire wyverns. “You will drain yourself and die. I will not lose my human already.” The move proved to be useless for the wyverns just merely flinching at the rocks.

Violet was taking on two wyvern herself with the help of Xaden, and you lost sight of Bodhi, Imogen, and Soleil. You were on your own for this one.

“If I don’t try, not only am I dead, but you will be too.” You argued. “I need eyes on the rider.” Your skin was so hot, and a migraine was already wreaking havoc in your skull. But you would not let Cleasaí die, the creature that mercifully bonded with you and saw potential when you felt like no other did.

“Are you sure about this?” You could tell she was feeling the defeat you were plagued with. You straightened your shoulders, adjusting your goggles.

“No, but there’s no other way.” You held on tight to the ridge of her back as she darted up into the cloud coverage.

“Project the clouds, until we get sight on the one with a rider.” She ordered. You steadied your breathing, mentally grounding yourself in the art studio of your childhood home, letting her power take over within you. Before you can let out the last bit of energy, you’re jerked down.

“Cleasaí!” You screamed out loud. Her back claw is in the mouth of a wyvern and you can see her blood dripping. Another wyvern slammed into her side, throwing her into a cliff side. You jolted from your sitting position, trying to hang on for dear life, but ultimately sliding off into the sharp cliff side as well. The sting of gravel loitering in your hip and side as the festering migraine throbbed in your ears, and your vision gets spotty.

“Y/n!” A voice shouted, and you couldn’t tell if it was Xaden or Bodhi. Everything had started going in and out and black stars were hazing your vision.

Lightning strikes in the near distance, and the wyvern that slammed your dragon into the cliff goes down, but the one that has your dragon’s claw in a firm grip in its mouth still stands. You just wanted the wyvern off of Cleasaí as you hung on the prominent ridge on her back, keeping a leg hiked onto her the best you could.

You caught a glance of her kicking her claw out the wyvern’s grasp as her tail whips at it, repeatedly striking the head of the beast to no avail. The reverberating pain settles in your body making you release a blood curdling scream, Cleasaí roared with you as you mentally open the remaining bits of power you can access. The sound projected through the cliffs of Resson, no doubt alerting all your friends in radius.

The last thing you see is the wyvern’s jaw being forced open off Cleasaí’s claw by a phantom wind and wave of green taking the wyvern down before passing out.

The last thing you see is the wyvern’s jaw being forced open off Cleasaí’s claw by a phantom wind and wave of green taking the wyvern down before passing out.

༺☆༻ ༺☆༻ ༺☆༻ ༺☆༻ ༺☆༻ ༺☆༻

The scene on the paper was murky, much different than the precise nearly perfect sketch of Bodhi you had drawn the other day. The parchment smeared with charcoal and graphite with little ebbings of scenery with ink to depict the lightning and rocky mountain sides in Resson. The feeling of the rock shards embedded in your body is what woke you up this morning. You had been having the same nightmare every night. Of the same scene at Resson with different endings: one night it had been you that died, the venin scaling on to Cleasaí and not only draining the entirety of you, but her as well. The next night it was Bodhi who had died, he was in your position and all you could do was watch, paralyzed in place on your dragon.

You had ignored the knock of Imogen this morning to go on your daily run, listening to her curse and rattling your door trying to pick the lock. Quinn had taught you a lesser magic to keep your door locked yesterday after lunch, and it proved fruitful thus far. Imogen had tried for three minutes before accepting you weren’t up, and walking away, leaving you to go back to restlessly sketching in your book until you made your way down to the mess hall.

You were one of the first in the hall this morning, still working on your drawing while idly eating your breakfast. Preferring the solace of being alone and your haunting thoughts at the table that your wing would be filling up fast in the next forty minutes or so. With most of the cadets partying the last three days, no one was eager to get to breakfast right away. Leaving some extra quiet time in the mornings.

“Interesting drawing,” someone said from behind you. You jumped, abruptly shutting the book. “Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.” You turned to see Violet tugging on her lip, brows furrowed.

You sighed, mustering a smile and thanking the gods it had only been her nonetheless. It would’ve been hard to explain why there was a wyvern on the page you were working on to anyone else. “Hey Violet,” you greeted, stifling a yawn as she walked around to sit across from you.

You noticed small dark circles formed under her eyes. You wondered if she had difficulty sleeping like you? You knew she had been struggling more than everyone else since returning from Resson. Feeling guilty you haven’t checked in on her much since your return, you watched her as she peeled an orange uninterestedly.

“How are you?” The question caught her off guard, when you spoke up, cutting the awkward tension like a knife. Faltering her movement in peeling.

“I’m fine, why wouldn’t I be?” She had a strained smile on her lips. Her voice goes up an octave into an almost overly sweet tone.

“You don’t have to lie, I hope you know.” You looked at her earnestly, choosing your next words carefully. “Liam was a great man, always was. And I can’t imagine with everything else you know now, it can’t be easy.”

“I don't know how to go on like everything’s normal.” She quickly said, looking around to see if anyone’s paying attention before turning back to you. “Everyone’s partying expecting school to go on, and with what I know now—“

You grabbed on to her slightly trembling hand, surprising not only her but yourself. “You don’t have to continue that sentence. I’m sorry I brought it up.” You paused momentarily. “We had to do the same after the executions, our foster families threw us into training and academics. Aristocratic parties and bullshit, it felt all so cruel and surreal when we all knew what had been happening.” Then it was her hand that topped yours to stop your rambling.

“I’m sorry,” she said with a watery gaze in her eyes.

You pulled your hand away, “it’s been six years, it’s been easier to become desensitized about it.” You went back to playing with the porridge in your bowl and her to peeling her orange meticulously.

“That picture,” The silver haired girl started. “Was that of Resson?”

You nodded, “drawing helps me sort whatever’s going on up there.” You pointed to the side of your temple.

“I've never seen you with it before.” Nothing gets past a Sorrengail does it?

“Yeah, well, there’s a lot going on up there that I can’t sort out with a morning run, contrary to Imogen.” You grumbled the last part. That’s the excuse that she had given you when she dragged you out of bed yesterday after picking your lock again. When in reality she just egged you on for more information about what happened with Bodhi.

“Is that why I didn’t see you running with her earlier?” A hint of amusement sparkled in her blue grey eyes. You wondered when she saw you because you hadn’t seen any trace of her the prior mornings.

You shook your head, “She just wants an excuse to gossip.”

“About you and Bodhi?” A smirk grew wickedly on her lips. You tried to keep a poker face, but she had let a real smile break on her face. “Sorry, Xaden and I saw you two sneaking out the courtyard a couple nights ago. He filled me in on your complex… relationship?” She tested the last word out to see how you would react.

You flushed bright red, no longer letting your face stay neutral. This girl observed everything. Huffing out a breath of air, you weren’t surprised Xaden knew. But you were surprised he kept it to himself around you. Him and Garrick often loved to tease the shit for anything they could, just to get you upset. Seeing as Garrick was who you grew up with for a better half of your life those two were the closest things you’ve had to brothers.

“If it makes you feel better, it seems complex relationships run in the family.” She reassured meekly.

Your refrained from displaying your shock, you had figured Violet and Xaden’s relationship went much deeper than a bonded pair of dragons and his duty to General Sorrengail, but to actually hear it. This was the most exciting thing you heard about his love life since he broke his betrothal with Catriona. You liked Violet a lot more, but you wouldn’t admit that out loud quite yet.

You decided to entertain the conversation more, if she had caught you red handed there was no point in going around the topic. “I think the only one making it difficult is me.” You admitted frowning, wishing that it could be that easy of an explanation as she said.

It wasn’t even a relationship, only a friendship, and it just seemed Bodhi was a masochist at this point. You wielding all the power and torture making it harder than it needed to be.

“Liking complex women runs in the family then?” She offered. Gods could she be any more down to the earth? Soon enough your icy resolve will be melted around her and you would have to kick Riorson’s ass if he hurt her. And then that’s ultimately another person on your list to care about.

“I don’t even think I could classify it as him liking me either—”

“Like I said: complex.” She popped an orange slice into her mouth.

“I-I can’t argue with that.” You sighed.

“Xaden said you liked arguing if you had talked to me.” She said in a matter of fact tone. This was a stark contrast to a year ago when Sorrengail first made an appearance into everyone’s lives.

Before you could even say anything, Ridoc’s laugh bellowed into the mess hall. Turning you saw him trail in with Sawyer, Rhiannon, and Nadine. The purple haired girl is now notably wearing a sling. Did you even want to know?

“So much for peace and quiet.” You muttered under your breath, earning a laugh from the girl across from you.

“Since when have you two started taking meals together?” Rihannon teased, but you didn’t miss the look of apprehension she gave the both of you.

Violet went back to picking at the orange peel on her plate, avoiding her friend's eyes.

“That’s what surviving a Gryphon attack does? Bring two unlikely people together right?” Lightly kicking her under the table when she was still staring at her scraps.

She immediately started nodding looking at the group. “Yeah, exactly?” She gave you a look. You wanted to facepalm yourself, she did not do well at being discreet.

You brushed her off and smiled, “besides we’re all second years now, and I haven’t been the most warm? Charismatic?”

Ridoc snorted, “you do a hell of a job at being charismatic when you’re drinking.” You didn’t miss how he took a seat next to Violet though the empty spot next to you was closer. He had been creating as much distance as he could since the other night with you, which was a shame. You liked riling him up.

Rihannon rolled her eyes, taking the empty place next to you. “You’re not wrong, this is the most you have spoken to us ever.”

“I like that there’s another person to add to the conversation.” Nadine added diving into her porridge.

“You just like the idea there’s four ladies versus just me and Ridoc.” You could barely make out what Sawyer said through a mouthful of egg.

“Solidarity versus your two’s dumb ideas.” Rihannon laughed.

“Are you still on about us wanting to sneak out to Chantara tonight?” Ridoc said exasperated. Chantara? They were talking about the town the first night when you were drinking with them. It was banned for the rider’s quadrant to go there, but cadets still did it anyway. You weren’t sure if it was a good idea, especially if you or Violet sneaked away. You two were already on close watch with Varrish around, and you could already hear Xaden yelling at you if you encouraged his little girlfriend to do something that could put more of a target on her back.

“Second year hasn’t even started and you already want to break out! How can I be okay with that as squad leader?” Rihannon hissed.

“Could you be any louder about it?” Imogen interrupted, walking up to the group, and setting her tray down on the table. You gave her a bewildered look. She was in on this?

Bodhi, who had also walked up with your best friend, gave Ridoc an annoyed expression as he sat diagonally across from you. “You never know who’s listening to us.” You then looked at him with the same expression, him too? After just barely making it through graduation?

He merely just raised an eyebrow in your direction, that stupid lazy smirk lingering on his full lips whenever you were around him now. Like he always knew something you didn’t.

“Would you two be in?” Ridoc asked, whispering.

Violet line of vision flitting from each one of her friends back to you.

“Please, please agree.” Sawyer begged. “That will give these two no choice but to agree.” He gestured to the girls next to you.

“Y/n’s not going to agree.” Bodhi chuckled. “She doesn’t like breaking rules.” His tone was smug, causing heat to rush to your face.

You whipped your head towards him, sending him a pointed glare. “Who says?”

The table got quiet, anticipating what was about to happen. “You, you never liked to sneak out your Mistresses house with the rest of us to the fields at night when we were younger.” The curly dark haired man reminisced on your younger days in Aretia.

“Or skip lessons with me.” Imogen added quietly. “Or leave the balls or those important dinners early.” Her head slightly tilted thinking of all the other times you’d refused to join your friends because you were too nervous.

“You know how strict my foster parents were.” You argued.

Bodhi let out a hearty sarcastic, “Ha!”

Your pink haired friend gave a side eye, “you lived with Garrick, who snuck out allll the time.”

“Well, that’s Garrick. I was held to a different standard.” You huffed, crossing your arms across your chest. You weren’t wrong. If it weren’t for the promise of being enrolled into the rider’s quadrant, you would have been held to the standard of an Aretian aristocratic lady once you were 18. Only then you had the capability to do what you wanted with your friends in between war strategy and training.

“How bad can it be going for a couple hours, no one will notice right?” Violet interrupted, looking at you. Did no one see the harm in this idea? Think this through? It is obvious leadership is already suspicious of what happened in Resson.

The man diagonal from you had a ‘told you so’ expression. That only made you more irritated, what was he trying to prove? More importantly, what were you trying to prove as you opened your mouth?

“Fine I’ll go,” you announced. “The minute though—and I mean it—the minute something goes wrong I am returning with or without any of you.” Cheers rang through the table. Ridoc and Sawyer rubbing it in Rihannon and Nadine’s faces that they had to come now. Bodhi scowled now. You had actually agreed, and that pang of irritation turned to satisfaction and you offered a smirk to the look of disdain.

“That’s that, we’ll meet in the west alcove after curfew.” Imogen stated hesitatingly, looking in your direction also warily. This is what they wanted so now why were they both so apprehensive you agreed?

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“I didn’t actually think you would agree?” Imogen fixed your shirt—well her shirt. If that’s what you could call it?

You wore a black corset tank top, and a cropped hooded sweater connected that only covered your arms. The sleeves covering a majority of your rebellion relics, only the parts that scattered either side of collarbones displayed. The corset tank top covering the top of your dragon relic, Cleasaí’s clubtail peeking out from the bottom. Paired with your training leather pants and boots.

“I don’t know why I agreed either now.” You fidgeted with the ties of the corset. “What if we get in trouble?”

“We won’t,” she turned you to face the mirror in the corner of her room. “This has been happening for years now and no one has batted an eye.”

“But Varrish is around now.”

“Varrish can kiss my ass, this is tradition for the second and third years. A rite of passage you can say.” The pink haired girl retorted. “It’s going to be fun, Y/n. I promise.”

You only casted a sideways glance her way, and with a roll of her eyes she stood behind you grabbing your shoulders.

“Look how good you look too, I forgot what you look like out of uniform.” She grinned cheekily, prompting you to roll your eyes now.

She had lined your top eyelids with kohl that winged out on the edges, along with adding some to your lashes, and applied some lip oil to your lips. You had to admit you did look good, and sometimes missed getting dressed up like you had done all the time in Aretia.

“How’d you manage to get all of this stuff in here anyway?” You changed the subject, looking to your left at her overflowing armoire of regular clothes. Most of it consisted of black, white, and grey, but a few tones of greens and blues popped out as well.

“Supply runs, do you think I’d be in my normal training clothes going to the pubs?” Fair enough, Imogen always had a penchant to be the center of attention. Never shying away from looks, and a chance to fuel her ego; the complete opposite of you.

A knock on the door sounded before Quinn popped her head into the room, and you could see the colorful top she chose to wear from the armoire. “You two ready? The girl’s are waiting at the stairwell.”

“Be there in a minute,” your best friend said. Quinn only nodded, closing the door behind her as she left you two alone.

“She doesn’t question where you get all this stuff?” You asked.

“Why ask when it benefits her?” She shrugged. Fair point too.

“What are you going to do with it all when you graduate?”

She grabbed your hand, pulling you towards the door. “You ask too many questions, Y/l/n.”

༺☆༻ ༺☆༻ ༺☆༻ ༺☆༻ ༺☆༻ ༺☆༻

The tavern was in full swing at max capacity filled with Basigiath students and civilians. The majority of the students were Healers and infantry mainly, a few scribes littered amongst the crowd along with some other riders that had snuck out as well were scattered in the crowd. A live band played on a small stage in the back of the establishment. people dancing in the spaces that weren’t occupied by standing patrons to the sound of mandolins, drums, lyres, and guitars. The warm summer breeze wafting through the doors and windows not doing much to evade the heat in the room.

You had been to taverns and music halls back in Aretia, but this was insane.

“Over here!” Ridoc called excitedly to your group. Him, Bodhi, and Sawyer had left earlier to save a seat for the group. They sat at a circular booth nestled in the corner of the tavern giving enough room for the group.

“This is crazy!” Rihannon shouted over the loud music and talking as Ridoc got up to give her a huge hug in greeting.

“It’s great right?!” Sawyer grinned broadly sitting at the furthest part of the booth.

“Absolutely insane!” Nadine agreed, as Ridoc wrapped his arms around her and Violet.

“Wow, does Basigiath provide those clothes?” Ridoc asked, looking at the group of you girls. Imogen had let the other girls borrow something for the night as well, begrudgingly deciding to not let them feel left out.

“No, you idiot. There are more things to do than just drink in Chantara like shop.” Imogen flicked him as he tried to greet her with a hug. “How much have you given these fools to drink, Boh?” She looked over at the man who casually leaned against the booth, nursing a glass of amber liquid.

“‘Thank you Bodhi for reserving a booth.’ Oh you’re welcome Immy.” Bodhi replied sarcastically not looking at her.

No, his eyes were on you. Making you subconscious of what you looked like under the dim tavern lights and how his brown eyes drank you in. It felt like he took an eternity within seconds scanning every part of you before he met your gaze. His usually warm brown irises were darkened, and a look you couldn’t distinguish lay behind them. He then broke eye contact only when Ridoc came up to you, unsure to give you a hug. He finally looked at the pink haired woman as you just held up your hand for a high five from Ridoc who beamed at the idea.

“Besides, I'm not their babysitter.” Bodhi added.

“But now we have to catch up!” Quinn shouted teasingly. “I got the first round of shots!” She took Imogen’s and Rihannon’s hands, dragging them to the bar.

“Come sit,” Sawyer urged the rest of you to sit. Nadine and Ridoc slid in to the right of Sawyer, and Violet took the other side. You slide in next to her, and Bodhi takes a seat by you. Great.

“You might have overdressed, don’t you think?” Bodhi’s breath caressed your ear as he whispered. Even sitting, he was so much taller, having to crane his neck down to speak to you. The smell of his usual cedar, patchouli and musk filled your nose along with the scent of smoky churam filled your nose. He started to trace the skin along the sleeve of your sweater, despite the heat, you could feel goosebumps rise on your arms. Your stomach flipped in waves of butterflies at the small gesture.

You kept your eyes on the empty part of the booth across from you. “Says the one wearing their flight jacket.”

“Sorry I don’t have an armoire of clothes at my disposal like Imogen.” He still kept tracing your wrist softly. The sensation was driving you crazy.

“Maybe you should start smuggling clothes in, instead of churam?” Sarcasm dripped from your tongue.

“Maybe,” he chuckled. “But churam is way more fun. And you know what would make it funner?”

“What is that?” You hummed, finally meeting his gaze. His stare had you frozen in place from how intently he looked at you, and your throat ran dry.

“If you joined me.” He murmured.

Your skin was warm from where his fingers were, and your cheeks were hot. Hoping the blush wasn’t noticeable, clearing your throat as you inhaled deeply through your nose remembering how to breathe. You hated what he did to you, and this had been the very reason you always tried to avoid him.

You pulled your hand away into your lap. “Funner’s not a word, Durran.”

He cracked a meek smile, pulling away from you. “Right.”

The girls returned with a tray of shots and drinks in their hands for everyone.

“Don’t say I haven’t ever done anything for you.” Imogen declared, passing the drinks around.

You straightened your back, trying to brush off the ignition of warmth that was still within you. Imogen had a smug look on her face when she handed you your drink and shot. You just subtly scratched your cheek with your middle finger at her.

“Welcome to your first night in Chantara newbs!” Quinn proclaimed, raising her shot glass. Everyone followed suit, providing excited celebratory ‘cheers’ and shouts as the clinks of the glasses rang out.

The clear liquid burned your throat when you knocked it back making you wince, the warmth spreading through your body instantly. Grimaces mirrored your expression from around the table, Ridoc downright making a disgusted face and noise causing a laugh to escape Violet’s lip and the remark of ‘pansy’ under Bodhi’s breath, but he too had a cringe on his lips as well.

The man you knew merely only a few years ago would have never made a face taking a measly shot.

“Lost your touch, I see.” You leaned over, your eyes full of amusement watching him take a big chug of the amber liquid finishing the glass.

He wiped the edge of his mouth with his thumb, his brows furrowed. “Me lose my touch? Y/l/n I think you have me mistaken.”

“Mm, I don’t think so.” You challenged him as you brought your own drink to your glossed lips. You could have sworn you caught him glance down as you took a sip, but his eyes were back on your own. You willed the shudder that wanted to escape you away, and the flip of your stomach at bay.

“Find me at the end of the night after you have had a few, then we’ll see who’s lost their touch. I finally get to see the real Y/n Y/l/n in action now that you don’t have to run back to foster mommy and daddy at midnight.” He taunted quietly, before standing up. “Immy you owe me a rematch of billiards from the last time.”

“So eager to get your ass beat?” She cracked her knuckles jokingly. “Anyone else want to join?” She looked towards mainly the guys.

“Don’t mind if I do,” Sawyer and Ridoc stood to join the two.

“I hope you two have some coins to spare, it adds to the friendly competition!” Quinn added cheerily.

“Well you ladies know where to find us.” Imogen called over her shoulder, and Ridoc tipped his head as if he had an imaginary hat on his head following the smaller group that retreated to the billiards tables on the other side of the tavern.

Fuck Bodhi and his nonchalantness, was all you could think as you glared at his back walking away from the table.

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Feedback is always appreciated! Along with likes and reblogs 💞💖✨ lmk if you would want to be added to the taglist!

Taglist: @ablev92

[drunkenbagel]

Hi,can u do prompt 3 and 5 with pedro cause i loved the last one u did😍

thank you for reading!! hope you like it :) xx

Pairing: Pedro Pascal x actor/actress gn!reader Word count: 1,9k Contents: mentions of minor injuries (slight blood mentions, fainting, bruising, etc), mostly fluff

“Can you repeat my line again? I'm not my best today, sorry”

A girl behind the cameras held your script up and repeated your line once more. At this point you were feeling overwhelmed, having to repeat the short scene so many times just because your mind didn't focus. Even more since this was a big project, so on top of that you felt ashamed and anxious.

Finally, the scene went ahead and everything went as planned, getting to the next scene, which was a fight one.

One, two three, four. One two, three. One, two, three, four. You counted your steps and movements, rehearsing. One, two-

“Watch out!”

You heard the yell before the cracking sound, and while you looked up you saw one of the lights come off of the ceiling.

Uh-oh.

-·-·-·-

Pedro had heard from some people on the crew that someone in the studio next to theirs had an accident, and immediately spiraled into worry. You were in that area. There's many people there, it can't be her. The studios are huge. Yeah, no. It's definitely not her. Yet he couldn't concentrate. He threw the script into the table and hopped off the chair, determined to ease his worries.

“I'm goin' to the other studio, alright? I'll come back before the break is over” he said to one of the crew members.

He started to walk to the door that led outside, and he noticed how more and more people were whispering while walking from the other studio to the one he was in. That made him more nervous, and he started walking faster. When he pushed the door, he was immediately greeted by the sight of a few ambulances and a crowd of people standing around all over the place. That's when he saw a couple of paramedics wheeling you to the ambulance. Bloody.

His heart sank and he swore it skipped a few beats. Before he could register it he was running to the ambulance, shoving some people around to get inside before they carried you away. He jumped in.

“Sir you can't be in here unless-”

“I'm family”

The other paramedic shut the door after receiving a nod from the one that was on the truck with you, and started to drive to the hospital. He couldn't do anything but watch as the man started to change the bloody cloth he was pressing onto your forehead, which was reeling with blood. Pedro took your hand.

“What's going on? What the hell happened?”

“Apparently a few of the stage lights fell off and landed on some people, most of them without major injuries, except for her” he answered, while putting some oxygen tubes around your nose and trying to stop the head wound from bleeding. “Got the worst deal, seems like it broke some ribs, got hit pretty bad on the head. We'll know more about the internal injuries when we get from the hospital.”

The ride felt like they took the longest way to the hospital. Once they arrived, they wheeled you back out and into the ER.

“Sir, you can't go in there” a nurse said, stopping Pedro with a hand on his chest. He just watched as they took you to the area where only staff could cross. He pointed at the seats a few meters away. “You can wait in the waiting area”

If he thought the ride was the worst, he was completely mistaken. The wait was killing him. He got a few calls from the director and colleagues, asking where he was, but all he could do is give them some half-assed answers of why he wouldn't be coming back. The anxiety was eating him. He couldn't stop pacing back and forth, picking at his nails, waiting for someone to bring any news. When a doctor finally called your name, he looked up and almost ran to him.

“How are they?” he asked anxiously.

“Stable. There's a minor concussion, but nothing too serious luckily. They have been admitted to the hospital, I can take you to the room, if you'd like”

He followed the doctor to the room, and when he opened the door, his heart sank to his stomach. There you were, unconscious, bandaged and bruised, machine beeping steadily.

“They may not wake up for a few days, but that is normal. We'll be monitoring them constantly” she said, seeing the anxious look on his face. “You can stay as much as you'd like. Got a chair, the bathroom and the small sofa. Figured you might want to sleep next to her”

Pedro thanked the doctor and walked over to the bed and delicately brushed your hair away from your face, seeing the bruising on one of the sides. Fuck, you looked battered. He pulled the chair closer and took your hand on his, waiting for you to wake up.

-·-·-·-

Everything hurt. Even with your eyes closed, you felt like a truck had ran you over. Then you remembered the accident. Ah, shit.

You slowly opened your eyes, trying not to be blinded by the white light. The beeping sound was drilling into your head, making the heavy headache worse. With a sigh, you went to push the button to call a doctor and see if they could turn it off, but you couldn't, since your hand was feeling very heavy.

Please don't be a cast.

When you looked at it with painfully squinting eyes, you found the source of the weight: Pedro was laying his upper body on the side of the bed, and his hand was on yours. You couldn't help but smile. He looked so soft with his curly hair everywhere, lips parted in a slight snore. You ran your free hand by his hair, looking lovingly at him. He looked quite tired and a bit dishevelled, too. That made you frown. You looked behind him to find a blanket on the small sofa. Since when was he here? Since when were you here?

Like as to answer your questions, a nurse came in with a chart to check on you. When she looked up and saw you awake, she smiled.

“Hey, glad to see you've woken up. Got ya' man here worried sick” she said as she approached you and started looking at your screens.

“If it's not much of a bother, can you take the beeping machine off? It's killing my head” you mustered, trying to seat up in pain.

“Oh sure sugar, you got a big hit to the head, and these things can be annoying, but just glad you're awake” she said as she turned the machine silent. You sighed in relief. “How you feelin'?”

“Like I got smashed by a giant stage light” you answered with smile, sighing. You clutched your side in pain, noticing the bandages. “What day is it? How long have I been here?”

“You got here a almost a week ago, been sleepin' for the entirety of it. But the handsome man you've got there has not left your side for a second. Got here at the same time as you in the ambulance.”

“He got hurt too?” you worriedly asked.

“Oh no sugar, he got here with you as a visitor. Poor thing was worried sick when you were in the staff area being attended to” she said with a smile. “You've got a good one there. Is he your husband?”

You lowered your eyes to look at him and unconsciously smiled. “No, no. Gosh, I wish. Just... Uh, just my best friend”

“Well if my boyfriend waited that long without leavin' my side I would definitely put a ring on him” she said with a cheeky smile. “But anyways, how's your head? Any dizziness, nausea, blurry vision?”

“No, only a bit of ringing in my ears at first but that is gone now. Just the hammering headache” you answered as she took out a small light and looked at your eyes.

“Well, your pupils are workin' fine so that's a good signal. Now that you've woken up, we'll keep you in observation for a little while more, but you should be good to go in a couple of days.”

“That's good” said a raspy voice on your left. You turned your head to find a sleepy looking Pedro, still holding your hand. “Hello darlin', good to see you're finally awake”

You smiled and hugged him as the nurse left the room.

“Why are you here? Nurse told me it's been almost a week! You should have gone home” you scolded him, but with a soft voice. “And your filming! Have you really been here all this time?”

“Yeah. And I'm not gonna say sorry for it. Went home once to get some clothes, the old ones were starting to smell” he said with a smile. “You'd be damn crazy if you thought I would leave you”

“Have I ever told you how you're the best friend in the whole world?”

“Sometimes, yes” he said with a chuckle. “Um, about that... I kind of heard you and the nurse”

Oh no. You felt your cheeks getting warmer and warmer.

“I- It was a joke, I... I was joking” you said, laughing nervously.

“What if I told you that I didn't want it to be a joke? If you meant it seriously?” he said, swallowing hard, holding your hand a bit tighter. “Would you... What would you say to that?”

Your mouth opened, but you couldn't get an answer out, just stammering. “I- uhm, I-”

Pedro felt like his heart was going to burst out of his chest with all the loud thumping in his ears. Maybe he shouldn't have asked? Maybe it was a joke? Unfortunately, there was no turning back.

“What would your answer be if I asked you to be my girlfriend?”

You froze. “W- what?”

He took a deep breath while closing his eyes. When he exhaled, his eyes met yours again. “I love you. I've liked you for a long time. Probably since the first time we met. This accident made me realize that I can't stop denying it, and I- I just need to know. If you don't, I'll never bring it up again and I'll be your friend. I can do that. I will, if that's what you want me to. And, shit, I know this is a lot to take in, and probably not the best of places to confess, but I can't go on anymore without an answer”

There was a silence between the two of you. Not a sound came from your throat, mouth staying agape. Pedro sighed, and he let your hand go with his eyes closed.

“I underst-”

“Ask me again”

He opened his eyes to find you looking at him with an expression he couldn't decipher. “I... What?”

“Ask me again”

Pedro hesitated. “Would- would you like to be my girlfriend?”

The couple of seconds that you waited to answer felt like an eternity to him, but seeing your smile turn into a grin and a little laugh made his heart stop.

“I thought you'd never ask. Come here” you said, yanking him by his shit to your level, and joined your lips together.

It felt electrifying. Kissing him after so long of being just friends, so many fantasies, so many dreams, felt like the best thing ever. When you softy pulled away and opened your eyes, you were met with his big brown eyes almost tearing up.

“Hey” you said, cupping his face with one of your hands. “Are you alright? Wanna take it back?”

“Never in my wildest dreams.”

[dreamingofep]

Forbidden Love pt. 8💔❣️

Fandom: Elvis - Elvis (2022)

Prompt: Reuniting with Elvis was supposed to be the highlight of your summer, but with unresolved tensions between you two, things aren't what they seem. [Fem!reader]

TW: Cussing, angst, some tension

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 3.4k

A/N: Hi everyone! Posting in Elvis hours again! Hope you like where this next part is heading! More to build upon and can't wait to share with you what's next! I Hope you enjoy!

*

July 8th, 1969

The next few days felt like an eternal hell. It almost felt like you had to start your life over. It was lonely and quite depressing. You were so mad at Elvis for how he’s treated you after all these years and the other night was your breaking point. You thought a person could change but you might have been wrong. You didn’t want to talk to anyone about what happened over dinner. You kept to yourself for the next few days and no one seemed to mind. John didn’t bring up once why you stormed out of Elvis’ house. It was a better idea for him to do that. You didn't want anything to do with him. 

You had to get yourself out of this funk. You can either let this define you or do something else to make a difference in your career. You started taking fewer hours at the diner which was a scary choice because you knew it wasn’t going to be easy getting new auditions and getting booked for them. It had been three years since you’d gotten anything remotely interesting. You were afraid you didn’t have it anymore. 

You tried to push that negative energy out of your mind and focus on some good. You had to try and go out there. It was still your passion and something you would tirelessly work for. 

For the next few days, you set out for any audition you could find. You'd wake up early to go to the diner for a few hours, then change into new clothes to go search for audition notices around the city. There were quite a few you found and it made you feel hopeful one of these projects could be yours. 

You hadn’t spoken to Elvis this entire time. It was almost strange after you were so used to this new routine you two had. You had too much anger towards him to speak to him about everything without yelling at him again. You were surprised that he didn’t even try calling you. Every time the phone rang, you always expected to hear his smooth southern drawl ring in your ear but you were left disappointed. 

After a few days of nothing but empty promises and bad auditions, you had to keep trying. You knew there would be a hundred nos before there would be one yes. You were about to head out for the day and go to another audition you had scheduled when the phone rings. You were home alone and wondered who could be calling this time of day. 

You quickly pick it up, “hello?” 

“Hi, may I speak with y/n?” A woman’s voice says on the other end of the line. 

“Speaking?” You say, not recognizing the woman’s voice. 

“This is Nancy from Paramount Studios. We’re holding open auditions today for a new production. Your resume was passed onto us from a friend and we were wondering if you’re free to come in today around one?” She asks you. 

You were a bit taken aback. This was unheard of for you. No one was calling you for auditions, you were normally the one on the phone begging them for a chance to be seen. But you had to push that self-doubt away and seize this opportunity now. 

“Oh yes, I can be there no problem!” 

“Wonderful, we’ll see you then,” she says. 

You were thrilled, this could be a new start for you. Your brain couldn’t help but spoil the moment with doubt. This all felt too easy. You had only been out looking for new jobs for a few days and this fell into your lap? It didn’t settle with you, right? 

It had Elvis written all over it.  

He did something to get you this. Sure, it could be just dumb luck but with Elvis around, that wasn’t a thing. He needed to stay away from you, you didn’t want him around screwing up anything else for you. 

You raced to the studio and got there early to get your hands on the script they wanted you to read from. The audition went really well. The scene they had you do dealt with a girl pleading for her boyfriend to tell her the truth whether he loved her or not. It wasn’t too far off from your real life you realize. You connected with the script and let your emotions over your whole situation with Elvis fuel your performance. You left the soundstage feeling positive but still not that hopeful you had the role. It had been a while since you worked so you weren’t sure if your lack of work would hinder you. 

The next day, you get a call and it just about makes you scream with joy. You got the part and you needed to be on set in two days. You couldn’t be happier. It was a shorter production for your character but you didn’t mind it. You get to be on set for five days and do what you love. It was going to be a new start for you, just like you hoped. You had a new sense of optimism. Things were going to be alright, and maybe you needed Elvis out of your life for it.

That thought made your heart cry.

*

The first day of shooting went well and the entire cast and crew were wonderful to you. You had some jitters at first but they disappeared when you started to work with everyone. Everyone showed you respect and appreciation for showing up and being prepared for the day. 

You’re always surprised how much waiting there was when you’re on set. Your call time might say for you to be onset at three, but you won’t start shooting til four. That’s Hollywood for you. It takes the crew a while to set up the new camera or change locations. Thankfully you had the patience for this waiting game.

You weren’t called onto set for another three hours so you had time to kill. They were kind enough to give you a small trailer to get ready in that you shared with another co-star. It wasn’t like what the big stars got but you were thankful you had a couch in there you could take a nap in if you wanted. Sometimes you have to take advantage of the downtime and get a few minutes of sleep. You were going to be on set late today for scenes that were going to be shot at night so you needed the rest.

You lay down on the small, two-seat sofa and try to get comfortable. A knock on your trailer door snaps you awake and you sit up. You couldn’t have dosed off for more than a few minutes and became fearful that you overslept and they were looking for you on set.

“Come in,” you quip, straightening out your hair and smoothing the dress you had on.

Sunshine pours into the trailer and a tall shadow walks in. Your heart stops when you see his face. That beautifully sculpted face that people dreamed about was standing in your trailer. 

Elvis.

He wore tan slacks and a white button-up, looking at you like he did when he first saw you a few weeks ago. He looked so put together and effortlessly beautiful. His hair fell down on his forehead, just how you liked it. He wore these gold sunglasses that had his initials on the sides of the frames. He takes them off and his blue eyes melt into you. God he was beautiful, it shouldn’t be that distracting but he was! You blamed it on not seeing him for the last week that you were jarred by his presence but who were you fooling, he was just too damn beautiful to look at.

Your mouth goes dry as you stare at him longer, not expecting him to be here. 

“What are you doing here,” you say a bit coldly. 

He continues to stare at you and doesn’t say anything right away. 

“How are you, honey?” He asks softly. His voice has you melting. You curse at yourself for feeling this way for him. Even after everything he did, you still feel weak around him. 

“I’m fine,” you say softly. 

He stays quiet and looks around your small dressing room. You didn’t want him here lingering, he came here for a purpose and you wanted to get him out of here as quickly as possible. You also had things to get off your chest. You didn’t want him to stall or try to do anything drastic. 

“How much did you pay them to get me in this movie?” You ask him, crossing your arms against your chest.

He turns around quickly, confusion covering his face.

“What are you talking about?” He asks, taking a few steps closer to you, and taking off his sunglasses.

“Oh come on don’t play dumb, I’m not an idiot. I haven’t gotten an acting job in over three years. Then all of a sudden I get a call that I was recommended to them by someone? It doesn’t make sense,” you huff.

“I didn’t pay them, honey,” he says calmly.

“Stop calling me honey,” you snap, “and stop lying to me!"

His lips form in a scowl and his blue eyes burn into you menacingly. He stands before you and takes a slow breath in while looking at you. He makes you feel on edge, being this close to him again was too much to handle. He was so provocative without even trying. His presence pulled you in so easily and made it hard to focus even when he was mad. He gently lifts your chin up to look into his eyes. His skin on yours again made you feel like a puddle. You defiantly look at him and wait for him to say something.

“From what I remember, you like me calling you honey quite a bit,” he teases, eyeing you up and down slowly. You hold your breath as you feel yourself crumble for him. He was right, of course he was and it pissed you off. 

“I’m trying to be civil with you. I just wanted to see you,” he says low.

You quickly push his hand off of your face and scowl at him.

“Did you think this would make up for what you did? Like I’d forgive it all?” You ask him.

“I didn’t do anything about this role. I didn’t pay anyone anything,” he says fiercely. Your heart gallops away at his tone and the way he continues to look at you.

“I did pass your information to producers here, yes, I did. I still know people here and met with one of them last week for lunch. They were saying they were having a hard time casting this movie. He explained to me the role and… of course, I thought of you. It’s like second nature to me… but I just passed on your information, that’s all. I helped you get the call sure, but you did the work. You were the one who impressed all the producers and director. You got yourself here, I just wanted to help from a distance, that’s all,” he explains.

You sit down quickly on the couch behind you, feeling the wind get knocked out of you. 

He was just trying to do something good.

He did something kind and stayed out of the way.

He’s letting you shine and do what you love.

Damnit he's impossible to hate.

You didn’t know what to say to him. You felt bad for snapping at him like this. You’ve had so much pent-up anger towards him this last week you couldn’t think straight about the whole situation. The sight of him on a magazine cover in the grocery store ticked you off. The sound of his voice on the radio put you in a foul mood for the rest of the day and you almost always drove in silence because of it. You still hadn’t listened to his new album even though it was everything anyone was talking about.

The guilt wracked through you the longer you looked at him. You couldn’t find the words to start to apologize to him. He still put you through a lot of strife. This wasn’t going to make it all magically disappear but it was a good start.

“I… I didn’t know,” you say timidly.

He stays silent, letting you find the words you want to say.

“I appreciate the help,” you continue.

“It’s the least I could do… you know I care for you don’t you?” He asks, taking a seat next to you on the sofa. “I’ve missed you terribly. I hate not seeing you.”

He looks at you softly, his eyes pleading for you to keep looking at him. He places his hands on either side of your face and gently rubs him thumbs across your cheeks, studying every detail of your face. It felt so good to be touched by him again. He was so comforting and intoxicating to be around. He keeps staring at your lips, parting his slightly as you’re both sitting there and he leans in a bit more. Both of you breathe in sharply as you get closer.

You were nervous for this to go any further. On one hand, you wanted him to kiss you like he used to, you missed how his lips made you feel on fire. You wanted to let your guards down with him. A part of you wanted him to hold you in his arms again and hear him say how much he’s missed you. What you would give to hear him plead for you over and over and over…

You let that fantasy wither away and slowly pull your face out of his hands. You take a sharp breath in, you were holding it the entire time he was touching you. He looks like he just got his heart ripped out of him. He was so physical and emotionally hurt by you.

“I want to believe every word you say, but you have to understand why I have the hesitancy not to,” you sigh. His eyes fill with hurt as he looks at you.

He gets up and runs his hand through his hair, clearly frustrated even though you can’t see his face anymore.

“Please come by the house after you’re done here, so we can talk. I just want to talk to you again,” he says firmly as he heads for the door.

“Elvis I don’t think that’s a good idea,” you say, trying to stop him.

“Y/n please, I don’t want to fight with you here. Just come to the house after you're done here okay?” He says sternly.

“No, I’ll go over when I’m ready to talk to you. I have to be back here really early too so I can’t come by,” you snip.

“Goddamn it,” he mumbles under his breath and goes to the door furiously, not taking another look at you. The sound of it slamming made you more upset at yourself. You didn’t know what to say to him. It was hard to have him look at you with those soft eyes that could make you do anything. You didn’t want to talk to him about everything you’ve been feeling these last few days. You wanted more time to process this all. It wasn’t going to be easy to stay away from him.

*

The next few days on set were wonderful and went by too quickly. You wished you had more days to work with all the kind people in the production. Elvis weighed in the back of your mind though. All you could see were those hurt, pleading eyes of his that begged for your attention. It had been over a week since the huge fight you two had. You still weren’t ready to talk to him. You knew it would go the same way when you saw him in your trailer the other day. You didn’t want to blow up on him again, you needed to have a civil conversation. 

It was a sweltering night in LA. The city was experiencing a heat wave and wasn’t letting up for a few more days. You were looking forward to being in your air-conditioned apartment and relaxing. It was well after midnight and started to drive home. There was no traffic this time of night but the lights of office buildings in town poured onto the darker roads, illuminating your way home. 

You unlock the front door and feel the warm, stale air hit you in the face. It was also pitch black in there and couldn’t see a thing in front of you. John had to be home, he didn’t stay this late at Elvis’. 

“John?” You say loudly. The flick of a match makes you stare into the darkness, trying to see who’s in there. 

He was in the kitchen and stepped out, “yeah?” 

“Why are all the lights off? Why is it so damn hot in here?” You say grumpily. 

“The powers shut off,” he says lighting another candle. 

“What do you mean? Was there a blackout or something?” You say confused. 

“The bill wasn’t paid on time,” he grumbles. 

You were taken back. John took care of the rent and the electric bill. He made more than you and that’s just how you’ve always done it. He had never missed a payment like this, even in hard times. He never asked you for the money even if you two were having a really hard month.

“What do you mean? Elvis paid you right? You’ve been working three weeks for him. I’m sure that’s been plenty to pay the electric bill,” you press. 

“Well it wasn’t, we’ll figure it out in the morning.” He snaps at you, taking the candle to the bedroom with him. 

You knew he was lying. The man was lying right to your face. You just about had enough of it with all the men in your life lately lying through their teeth when talking to you.

You follow him to the other room, needing to understand what’s going on.

“Please don’t walk away from me. I don’t understand how we didn’t have money to pay the electric bill. This has never happened,” you press.

“I said I’ll figure it out in the morning! Get off my back about it. Should probably get used to it if you’re going to be out there acting again,” he huffs.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean? Are you blaming this on me?!” You protest.

“Well you’re not helping very much,” he snarls at you.

You look at him in disgust, not believing this is how the man you thought you loved is treating you.

“How dare you. You’re unbelievable, you know that. I know Elvis is paying you more than you’ve made in a long time so I don’t understand where our money is going,” you seethe.

“I guess it’s none of your concern since it’s not your money,” he barks at you.

You had enough. You couldn’t be anywhere near him at this point. You needed to know where all that money was going but you didn’t have the patience tonight to go back and forth with him. It was ridiculous the way he was talking to you. It seemed the happier you were, the meaner he was to you, sucking all the joy out of your life.

You quickly push past him and reach under the bed for your duffle bag. You open your closet and pull articles of clothing off the hanger and shove them into the bag. You then go to the dresser and put more clothes in there before rushing to the bathroom.

“Where are you going?” John asks annoyed.

“I can’t be here. I’m going to stay at a friend's tonight,” you snap.

“Come on,” he says dumbfounded, pulling at the duffle bag, trying to get it out of your hands.

You quickly pull it back though and don’t let him get it out of your grasp.

“No, I’m going. I’m tired of your shit,” you yell, quickly getting out of his sight. You rush out of the apartment and get back in your car. You drive almost on autopilot, leaving your neighborhood and driving up to the Hollywood hills, towards Elvis.

*

*

*

Tagging: @loving-elvis @neptuneismysister @velvetelvis

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@returntopresley. @iloveelvis @rjmartin11 @that-hotdog

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@aphroditebabygirl @faeolwen

[studio-of-woof]

Honest to god it has been a while. Ok. Let’s do this.

BEHIND THE CIRCUS. EPISODE 3.

So I’d like to imagine this episode was very resourceful for props and CGI. Even in a Roger Rabbit esque universe, some things just gotta be done by people you know?

Pomni and Kinger got to work together more in this episode which was good for both their in-character relationship and out-of-character relationship. Before episode 3 they haven’t really spoken much offset.

[Pomni Interview]

“Both Ragatha and Gangle had told me that Kinger is like, the dad of the cast. Now that I’ve worked with him one on one I see what they mean by that!”

This was also the episode that Kinger’s wife, Queenie, watched go down from behind the cameras, seeing as she was mentioned in the episode. Kinger wanted to bring her to the studio and she was thrilled to see her husband absolutely nail his role, and it was nice to be important to his character, even if in the show she’s canonically dead.

[Kinger interview + Queenie]

“I recall Goose asking during the pilot’s production if I was married. I brought up my wife and she asked “Would she like to audition?” I asked for what? And I was told that my character had a wife who abstracted. I called up Queenie, asked if she wanted to be an important plot point- [chuckles]… and she said yes! So we managed to get a portrait of her for the hallway before that scene was shot.”

“I did get paid for my cameos before anyone asks. I got paid.”

“Yeah best to- clear that up. [laughs]”

“Yeah no- I totally didn’t get paid for being an important part of my husband’s character.”

“You- You get paid in exposure and that’s it!”

“[Laughs] You’re canonically dead, there’s your exposure!”

Now Martha and Ghostly, coming in from The Haunted Regions of ToonTown. Ghostly is a small streamer over on Twitch and is good friends with Goose. Martha and Gangle worked with each other on other projects so they’re familiar with one another. Others have even stated Gangle could do impressions of Martha, given how their voices are so similar.

Gangle was the one who brought up Martha to the directors and managed to get her the role when she auditioned. Baron Mildenhall was voiced by Tim Alexander.

[Martha Interview]

“So… sorry if this comes off as a personal question but, do you have a husband?”

“No, I never married, honestly Tim’s character, Baron, pretty much says why. I’m just happy being within my own company.”

The Angel was done using a large, mechanical puppet which was then overlayed by a CGI model. It’s body was animated using a mocap suit.

Now, Zooble and Caine’s side plot was a lot easier to record. It was mentioned in previous interviews that Zooble isn’t too fond of how they look. They’ve been vocal about it and has encouraged people on social media to find their own identity and be proud of who they are. So when they were acting the scene out, there were some genuine emotions coming out where their character self mentioned that they don’t like their body. After that scene was shot, Zooble had to take a few minutes to recollect themselves a bit, with some genuine comfort from Caine now that he wasn’t in character.

[After scene]

“You did really good! You feeling okay?”

“Yeah just- just need a moment. I’m alright.”

“Hit close to home?”

“A little, yeah.”

“Well hey you did really really great out there. And also someday I hope you find the parts you’re looking for.”

“Man— you’re too sweet, the fuck?”

“[Laughs]”

[During production]

“So there’s a trophy room in the mansion. And there’s creepy head mounts of the main cast- you guys.”

“Ohh my lord.”

“What the fuuuhahahuck?”

“DUDE I swear I saw that exact Jax head in my nightmare once!”

“… HUH??-“

“Gangle what-“

“[Laughing hysterically]”

“I’M NOT KIDDING— Jax I’ve told you about that nightmare didn’t I??”

“You did- you did.”

—————————

“Isn’t this the part where Jax gets tied up?”

“This is the part where Jax is tied up-“

“Oh my god I forgot. I’m getting tied up- Goose what have you done?”

[Gangle, Goose and Ragatha laugh]

“You do realise what the internet’s gonna do with this.”

“To that, I deeply encourage it.”

“Ohhh I’m gonna be seeing a lot of twitter notifications.”

“People will be tagging you.”

“SO MANY NOTIFICATIONS.”

————————————

“I have a shotgun.”

“… and I want the front seat—“

[Pomni giggles]

“… whuh?”

“It’s- its-“

“Is this a reference to something I’m apparently too old to know?”

“It’s- it’s from Vine! You’re never too old to reference Vine.”

“I probably didn’t see it then. They really need to bring it back.”

“Right??”

——————————

“Man I’m glad there’s like, cushioning in that vacuum. Have you ever been inside a normal vacuum? It’s hard and uncomfortable.”

“I- I can’t say I have. I’m not a ghost!”

“You’re in a- a very tight space. You’re gonna want it to be comfortable if you’re gonna be in it for a few minutes to shoot a scene-“

“Yeah? Yeah?”

“And like- even then it depends on the kind of ghost like- me? I have no issue, I’m small- but if we’re talking like. If we’re talking Martha, she’d have to really fit herself in there.”

“I see.”

“Right.”

—————————

“That- That jumpscare from Ghostly? I wasn’t told that he was going to do that. I was legitimately frightened. I wasn’t too mad though? As a toon you can’t really fake the “eyes popping out of head” trick. They had to get an authentic scare out of me. I just had trouble getting them to go back in, even Kinger was confused. But I mean, it worked for the scene so we just ran with it.”

“And what about the effects you all have when holding your breath? Does that actually happen to you or was it post editing?”

“No it does. That all happens. I’d tell you what happens to Jax when he holds his breath but seeing everyone’s interpretations is funnier.”

“I will never tell.”

[candlewaxandp0lar0ids]

jealousy jealousy || Changbin x Reader

Summary: It's as you're working with Changbin on a school project — and he's being as infuriating as he always is — that he invites you to go see 3racha perform in a bar that night. You decide to take the opportunity, because you do find the group talented, and also, what could possibly go wrong?

Word count: 4.3k

Genres: college AU, rapper!Changbin

Warnings & Tags: jealousy, academic rivals to lovers, alcohol consumption, brief sleazy behavior from someone else, consensual kiss while under the influence, light angst, oc has insecurities

series masterlist

A/N: Similarly to the I.N. oneshot, please ignore the thing about music if you know better and it doesn't make sense, my years of studying music theory are far behind me :') Hope you'll enjoy the piece, would appreciate to know your thoughts on it if you do!

If you had had your say on this assignment or on your choice for a partner, you wouldn’t be sitting there, across from Seo Changbin, in his fucking studio, watching him nod his head as he’s working on the arrangement you’re supposed to turn in next week.

“The guidelines say we’re supposed to use an unusual time signature,” you say, partly to be annoying and partly because he’s literally using 4/4, which, like, come on. It’s like he’s trying to go against the rules.

“They’re used for a reason,” he replies after a good thirty seconds of silence, which could be because he was ignoring you or because he can’t multitask. “It’s more important to turn in something that’s good than something that follows the guidelines.”

“That’s not mutually exclusive.”

“You can’t let others tell you what to do,” he insists, still looking at his screen. “You have to make your own decisions based on what’s good for—”

“It sounds like you just can’t take a challenge,” you interrupt him and this time, he turns around to glare at you. For a second, he looks offended, which was the reaction you were going for and, you have to say, it brings you an evil satisfaction. Then a corner of his lips lift and he smirks.

You really don’t like how attractive you find that look on him.

“You think that’s going to work on me?”

You grit your teeth. Well, rationale and logic weren’t getting you anywhere so far, so this was at least worth a try.

“I’m not looking forward to you tanking my grade,” you reply with a shrug, attempting, and probably failing, to look nonchalant.

This time he scoffs before going back to the computer.

“It’s not going to tank our grade. The teacher values quality more than following the rules, and even if he didn’t, you shouldn’t change yourself to make someone happy.”

Valuable life advice, you’re sure. It just does not apply whatsoever when a grade is at stake. Unfortunately though, he is right about this teacher valuing ‘quality’, though you don’t like how subjective his view of it appears to be. You think there should be metrics when it comes to grading your students. Either way, so far Changbin’s been fucking breezing through this class because the teacher just adores everything he puts out. You think it’s a gross display of favoritism and you suspect that it has a lot to do with 3racha’s popularity, but everyone’s too busy making heart eyes at the golden boy to think about it.

And, look, you like 3racha. You think they’re talented. You don’t know where Chan finds the time to do music while being captain of the swimming team and all the other stuff he’s doing — seriously, when does he sleep —, you think Jisung’s a very talented singer, rapper, producer — basically a one man group already without needing to add the other two in— and Changbin’s… Yeah. Changbin’s good. There’s no way you could deny that. That’s not the problem.

The problem is that it doesn’t seem to have crossed his mind that there are some people in here who don’t have a record deal lined up for them as soon as they walk out of their graduation. Some people who are not going to have full creative control over their stuff until they’ve really established themselves, if that ever happens. Some people who also just simply enjoy figuring out a way of making something interesting, something good in ways they wouldn’t have thought of if they hadn’t been forced to deal with an obstacle of some sort barring them from picking the easiest solution.

The problem is that, as you reluctantly have to admit, Changbin isn’t picking the easiest solution. In fact, once you notice what he’s doing, you can’t help but lean forward on your seat, all your attention on him and his hands moving on the keyboard. Shit. It seems, infuriatingly, that he had a point.

“What’d you think?” he asks once he’s done, and you blink yourself back to reality after having watched him work his magic.

“It’s smart,” you admit. You’re not the type to lie just because you have an issue with him. “Using tertiary rhythms in 4/4 to give the impression of another time signature… Yeah. It’s good.”

You can practically see his ego getting bigger with every word you say. Dammit, you almost wish he were a hack.

“But,” you add, a little too be annoying and a little because you have an actual point to make, “I think you should start off with binary rhythms.”

Changbin visibly deflates, then frowns, and you realize belatedly that you might have been able to push back on the use of the time signature then and there. You think he’d have given in, if you still didn’t like the end result, but that hadn’t even occurred to you.

“Why?” he asks, folding his — impressive — arms over his chest. “That’d be boring.”

You shake your head, pushing yourself up next to him and taking the mouse out of his hands to start making the changes that are clear as day in your mind. The gesture seems to outrage him, but if you’re being honest that’s actually a plus in your book, so, tough to be him.

“You start out with something familiar,” you explain as you’re working, “to lull the listener into a false sense of security. Then you hit them with the unusual to have a bigger impact and to make them wonder how the piece got there. That way, they’ll think they’ll know exactly what you’re going for from the start and be more surprised when you go for something else.”

There are a few seconds of silence after that, before Changbin also leans forward, his body suddenly much closer to yours.

“You have to work on the transition some more if you’re going for that,” he says, and his breath tickles your cheek. “’cause it’s just gonna feel jarring if you don’t.”

“I was getting to that,” you say with a click of your tongue, elbowing him in the stomach in an attempt to keep him from messing with your work. Through the first, soft layer, you come in contact with strong abs, which doesn’t surprise you considering how much time he’s rumored to spend at the gym.

Not that you’re paying attention to these rumors or anything. It’s just— Know your enemy, or something.

He does manage to use his muscles pretty easily to get the mouse back, and after an undignified shriek when he wraps an arm around your body to lift you up and get you away, you admit defeat. If your cheeks are warm now, it’s just because of the effort.

It’s also the reason your heart beats faster, and it’s got nothing to do with the satisfied grin Changbin shoots back at you once he’s back in front of the computer.

“Hey,” he says as he’s working, “you know 3racha’s having a concert tonight?”

Of course you do.

“I heard about it.”

“You should come. I can get you in.”

You raise an eyebrow. You’ve never actually seen 3racha perform. Tickets to their stuff aren’t that easy to get on campus or around i, and you’re also busy working your ass off most of the time, whether it’s for classes or at your part-time job. But you have tonight off, and considering this assignment is going nicely…

You bite your lower lip as you consider it. You’re not really looking forward to the screaming crowd looking at Changbin like he’s a god, but you are interested in the actual show. You’ve heard so much about them, and the stars aligning for a ticket offer and not having to work…

Ah, fuck it.

“Okay.”

Changbin’s head whips back in your direction.

“What?”

You take a step back, shoulders instinctively coming up to your ears. Your defenses come back up in a matter of seconds.

“If you don’t want me there, you shouldn’t have—”

“No, you should come!” he protests, and then his voice gets softer. “I’d be super happy if you came, I just didn’t think you’d be interested.”

“Of course I am,” you say with a shrug.

Changbin turns around towards the computer, but not before you catch a bright smile on his lips. Not his signature smirk. A bright, genuine smile.

And this time, you have no excuse when your heart skips a beat.

It doesn’t come off as a shock to you that 3racha are really fucking good on stage. You didn’t have any trouble getting into the bar after giving your name, which Changbin had told you would be enough. It had taken a little more, uh, elbow work to get reasonably close to the stage, because the place was already pretty filled up. The people there are almost all from the college, but there are a few groups of mostly young men — some looking like they’re too young to have been let in — that stick out as well.

You make yourself comfortable as you wait, sending the occasional glare at people pushing you. Lots of girls there, you note, and you don’t think they’re all there for the music, which you find amusing. You certainly don’t judge. That’s something that the people from the labels would have noted, and it’s not like there’s a wrong way of enjoying a group.

The crowd goes wild around you when Jisung — or rather J-One, his stage name — jumps on stage, practically vibrating with energy. You don’t really catch what he’s saying, both because it’s too loud and because he’s speaking too fast. You are, however, acutely aware of the way he presents himself, of his cocky grin, of the way he sticks his tongue out and wipes at his lower lip with his thumb.

He’s followed on stage by Changbin, who, unlike him, barely looks like he’s acting. Yeah, his stage persona is raw confidence, supercharged with charisma, but he doesn’t bother doing much of anything — though you think he’s flexing his muscles a little more than usual. Except, of course, when he gives the audience that fucking smirk of his.

And suddenly, you’re very, very aware of how hot it is in the room.

Chan’s the last one to get on, and he does so with a roar of “Are you ready?”. Everyone goes insane, and you find yourself being pushed around by the people around you jumping up and down. Though you’re not quite giving in just yet, you do enjoy the enthusiasm. If half of what you’ve heard about them is true, they certainly deserve the hype. Seeing the wide, uncontainable smile on Chan’s face at the crowd reaction, as he can’t keep up with his stage persona for a few seconds, just makes your heart swell.

Then, after getting the crowd even more riled up, they get started with their set. You’re familiar with all the songs, of course. Music is ideally going to become your job and you want to keep yourself updated, but also, you do find them to be good. Even the stuff that’s not to your personal taste is always backed up by an actual creative idea, which is not something you’d say about a lot of pop songs that get blasted on the radio every day. It makes their music feel new, and yeah, sometimes it means it’s not that easily accessible and it’s going to turn some people off, but it sure makes you respect their artistic integrity.

They’re also giving themselves on stage, 100%. And, because there’s just no point in denying it now, Changbin looks ridiculously fucking hot doing it. It makes all sorts of things tingle in your stomach and lower when he growls in the mic. You haven't been able to look away for a second.

Outside of the general hotness — you’re human, what can you say — you can’t help but appreciate everything else, everything musical. How easily he rides the beat, how music seems to inhabit his body, how skillfully he’s crafted the verses and choruses and made them feel— You’re not sure how to phrase it. They’re not predictable, but they are obvious. It feels like there would be no other way of doing them, no better way of phrasing them, no arrangement that would be more efficient. It has to be that way.

And it’s as they’re reaching the peak of their last song that dread washes over you, seeping straight to your bones.

You find Changbin annoying. You think he’s cocky, overconfident, and that he doesn’t pay enough attention to others. You also don’t like the way he gets everything handed to him on a silver platter and that, unlike you, he doesn’t have to split his time between work and college. But if you’re being honest, that’s not nearly enough of a reason to dislike him. The guy wears his heart on his sleeve. He’s always happy to help out, maybe even lets people take advantage a little bit. And he’s so, so fucking talented. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t find all of that attractive.

The problem, as you’re staring at him on stage, is that the question that is truly at the center of it all, the one you’ve refused to ask yourself all this time as you kept working your ass off and he kept doing better than you, just came up to the surface, and you can’t avoid it any longer.

What if you just don’t have it?

Look, you believe in hard work, but you find it hard to deny that some people just have something else. Call it talent, call it luck, whatever. Changbin’s got it.

You’re not sure you do.

You just might keep working and working and working and never get to the level he’s at. You might just not have the thing that makes him able to come up with hooks that stay inside your head for days on end.

What’s been your dream job for almost a decade now might remain forever out of reach.

As the crowd erupts in cheers around you, and 3racha stay on the stage, breathing heavily, sweat dripping down their forehead, the future you’ve always wished for doesn’t quite shatter completely in front of your eyes, but it takes a nasty crack that ripples onto its entire surface.

You turn around, away from the stage. You hadn’t planned on that, but fuck it.

You need a drink.

Even as you down two drinks a little too quick and gesture for a third, you know this is a bad idea. You’re running straight into a wall, you’re going to regret this so much tomorrow, and you’re doing it anyway. This isn’t like you. You make the good decision, the right decision, you do what’s smart, what you should do.

Except apparently, none of that is enough, and that thought gets you to ingest the third drink as well, the burning taste of alcohol a welcome distraction.

“You can really knock these back,” a voice comments next to you.

You glance at the guy who’s already way too close in your personal space for a stranger. Normally, you would roll your eyes and you’d never even consider entertaining it. Who even hits on someone after they’ve seen them try their best to get intoxicated in as short an amount of time as possible?

Tonight though, his maths has paid off, because you welcome the distraction.

If you’re going to be making bad decisions, why stop at one, right?

You spin yourself towards him, rest your elbow on the counter and put your head on your hand in a pretty unnatural pose. You’re not quite coordinated — not usually, and certainly not with that amount of alcohol in your blood — but it doesn’t appear to throw him off.

“Sure can,” you say — it might come off slurred, you can’t tell, “but the question is, can you?”

He raises an eyebrow, but he looks amused. Honestly, he’s giving sleazy vibes, a little too happy to be running into someone trying to get wasted, you just— you just don’t give a fuck right now. You feel like you’ve watched the life slip forever out of your reach, and you just want to forget about it, forget about how you may never get a job and never live from what you want to do most in the world, forget about fucking Seo Changbin and how ridiculously talented he is when you’re— Yeah, you’re ordering another drink.

The guy offers to pay for you, and you’re not going to say no. He makes a dumb comment about it which you think is supposed to be a joke and you laugh way too hard, throwing your head back in a tried and tested move.

As you make painful small talk with him while waiting for your drink, you’re struck by how mediocre he seems to be. When you’re around Changbin, as annoying as he can be, the conversation’s just… brilliant. He’s interesting, he’s actually smart, he has stuff to say, and talking to him makes you feel, well, annoyed, sure, but it’s also challenging. He never bores you.

It’s been less than a minute, and you already wish that guy would shut up.

He doesn’t. He seems intent on smothering you with facts about his life that he probably believes to be impressive — his money, his job, his connections —, like you don’t know why he’s doing it. It’s almost insulting that he seems to believe that he’s seducing you with all of that fairly mundane stuff, when really, the attention you’re giving him has nothing to do with, well, him.

He’s moved on to putting his arm around your shoulders in the least subtle way known to man when you hear your name and you turn back around.

There’s Changbin, eyeing you and the guy, looking half pissed, half concerned.

“Oh, hey,” you say. “You were really good.”

His eyebrows knit, but then a smile that he can’t seem to hold back lifts a corner of his lips. It’s not arrogant for once, almost bashful actually.

“You thought so?”

So good that it gave you an existential crisis, so, yeah, you did.

“Yeah, you guys weren’t bad,” the dude behind you chimes in, and since you’ve got your back turned to him, you openly roll your eyes, which Changbin can’t miss. You doubt the guy knows shit about the time and efforts that had to go into that set, or into the writing of the song before even getting onto the stage, for that matter. “A bit derivative,” he adds, like an asshole, “but you might go on to do great stuff.”

There’s nothing bashful about Changbin’s smile now. He doesn’t look hurt or anything, but he seems to be thinking that the guy’s a real fucking moron.

“Thanks,” he says, sarcasm dripping in his voice which the dude doesn’t catch. Then his eyes fall on the glasses in front of you, and back to the hand on your shoulder. “Is that all yours?”

“Oh, yeah, I’m questioning my existence,” you reply with a shrug. “So that seemed like a good idea.”

Changbin looks confused for a second, but not completely deterred by your lack of coherence.

“’kay, then I think I should take you home.”

That’s objectively a good idea, and the more time you’re spending looking at him and talking to him, the less you want to keep talking to the other dude, actually.

“Hey,” the guy in question says from behind you, “I got there first. Find someone else, dude.”

Changbin’s eyes harden instantly and he takes a threatening step forward. He’s shorter than the man, but significantly larger. You just so happen to not be drunk enough to watch them fight. You blame your dad’s genes for making you somewhat good at handling your alcohol, because you wish you were hammered enough not to care right now. You push yourself on your feet, a bit unsteady, and put your hand on Changbin’s arm — totally to stop him and not at all to stop yourself from face planting. His muscles, you discover with some interest, are not just impressive but also extremely hard, perhaps because he’s prepared to fight.

“It’s good,” you say, “thanks for the drinks but he’s right, I need to get home.”

The man’s face contorts with anger.

“You can pay for your own drinks, you fucking—”

One of Changbin’s arms wrap around your waist, and then he takes a step forward, easily getting you out of the way while keeping you against him, to grab the man by the collar.

“Want to finish that sentence, asshole?”

If you were sober, you’d think something judgmental about men and aggressiveness. Right now, you mostly, uh, think it’s very very hot of him. Being pressed into his hard body makes your heart rate spike up, and in that state, it’s so hard to deny how attracted you are to him.

The guy backs down quickly, sputtering an apology, and then Changbin’s dragging you away, keeping his arm around you to ensure you stay on your feet.

“You okay?” he asks. His eyes scan your body, focusing back on your face when he finds nothing.

Alcohol has a tendency of making you even snappier than you usually are. Right now, though, hearing the genuine worry in his voice, you feel that part of you melting away.

“I’m good, Changbin. I think I just— I just need to get home.”

And though he’d be the last person you’d take help from if you were sober, he seems like the perfect pick at the moment.

You make it to the campus without too much trouble. It’s not like your legs don’t carry you anymore, just that you don’t walk quite straight, but Changbin doesn’t let go of you for one second of that walk, monitoring you the whole time, and then he insists on getting you back to your room as well. At least you live alone, because that is not something you’d like to have to explain.

“Did something happen?” Changbin asks, finally, as you’re making it up the steps, like he just can’t keep it in anymore. Your mind, which had been peacefully quiet this whole time, filled with his warmth and his presence, is flooded with noise again. It takes you a few long, painful seconds before you come up with something to say.

“Do you think I’m any good at this?” you ask just as you’re reaching your floor.

He shoots you a weird look.

“Good at what?”

Right, he wasn’t privy to everything that was going on in your mind.

“You know,” you say with a vague gesture. “Music. Producing. What we do.”

“Of course you’re good at it,” he scoffs like it’s the most obvious thing ever. “You’re super creative. You can follow all the stupid rules the teachers give us and still turn something good in. You think I’d let you work on my stuff in my studio if I didn’t think you were good?”

It’s his tone that gets to you, you think. Changbin’s honest to a fault, from what you’ve seen, but he says this so matter-of-factly, so casually, that it’s hard to question, even for just a second, that he doesn’t believe what he’s saying. You know it will take a moment to sink in, that Changbin has that kind of confidence in you when even you don’t, but, even if the thoughts will definitely come back later, it’s like he dispelled them all in just a few sentences.

It’s as you’re coming to a stop in front of your door that he almost jumps with realization.

“Wait a second. Did that fucker say—”

And then you kiss him. It’s not that hard, from the position you were in, to pivot into wrapping your arms around his neck and pressing your lips against his, which you find to be soft and plump. He tenses for a second before his hand tightens on your waist and he kisses you back hungrily. If he can taste the alcohol on your lips, it doesn’t seem to bother him. His hand holds you close to him with almost bruising strength, but it remains chastely on your waist, his only movements coming from his lips and tongue.

His teeth graze against your lower lip, pulling on it, and it sends shivers through your whole body, but this is when you pull away from him. Despite his previous stillness, his head moves forward, chasing your lips for just a few seconds longer.

When you open your eyes, you find him panting, cheeks and ears a pronounced shade of red. It’s— extremely cute, if you’re being honest.

“Thank you for taking me home,” you say.

“Y—Yeah,” he says, glancing away when his voice cracks. “Yeah,” he repeats, “any time.”

“I’m gonna go to bed now,” you say, though you still haven’t taken your arms from around him.

“That’s good,” he says with a decisive nod. “’cause, you know, you’re drunk, and I wouldn’t wanna— You should go to bed.”

It makes you giggle, but you still decide give yourself a second more, during which you put your head on your shoulder, and Changbin just lets you, his hand rubbing circles on your back. When you still don’t move, he clears his throat.

“D’you want me to carry you?”

“Seriously?”

His response to that is to lift you up princess-style, one arm under your knees and the other under your back. He lets out a grunt as he lifts you, but then stabilizes himself and manages to get you through the door.

You know that you’ll have some things to seriously think about when you wake up with a throbbing headache, but in that moment, you just laugh and let him carry you to your bed, because having his arms around make you feel safe.

He makes you feel like you’re going to be okay.

Taglist: @lethallyprotected @jisuperboard

[chrisevansonly]

Thoughtful Celebrations

pairing: harry styles x female reader

summary: it’s one year of harry’s house and you couldn’t help but plan a little something for your harry

warnings: none very fluffy

a/n: i wanted to make a little blurb with no au, because i do plan on doing one for harry’s angel, but i had another fic in mind for my au today so i hope you enjoy this little blurb. happy one year to the album that saved and changed my life🤍

Upon looking around at the red and white heart balloons, mixed with some cute little fruit ones that scattered around the living room, you had to say you were quite pleased with yourself. Getting up this early would normally have you grumpier than usual, but today? Today was the one year anniversary of Harry’s House, the third studio album your amazingly talented boyfriend released this day last year.

You had never been more proud of someone in your entire life, his determination and dedication to this project showing through every song that was on this album. Harry had constantly told you just how much it had saved him throughout the chaos of the last few years, working on this in Italy, one of his favourite places in the world, you were surprised when he asked you to come with him. You were Harry’s whole world, he’d never felt as safe and loved as he had with you, and allowing you to tag along for the creation of this album had meant the world for you.

“Y/N?”

Smiling at the raspy sound of H’s voice, you knew he’d be a bit annoyed you’d left bed, the mornings always reserved for cuddles and discussing plans for the day

“Living room my love!”

“Mad y’left bed this morning..”

You let out a laugh, your arms widening when he came towards where you were. Harry stopped, taking in the room around him, the balloons, the yummy looking breakfast you put out, and the way you framed some of the photos Anthony or Lloyd had captured of the two of you throughout the past year and before

“Baby…”

“Happy one year to harry’s house darling!”

Harry was honestly at a loss of words, here he stood looking at his love who’d put so much effort into celebrating the anniversary of one of his favourite albums he’d made. He could already feel himself getting emotional, and you were quick to walk over to him, pulling him in for a hug as you noticed the tears in his eyes

“Oh H…didn’t mean to make you cry love”

“I love you so-so much…”

He tightened his hold on you until you manoeuvred your head back to look at him, leaning up to press a kiss to his lips

“I love you so much, i’m so proud of you every single day. the work you’ve put into this album, the shows you’ve performed, lives you’ve saved, changed, impacted…Harry I have never been more proud to not only love you, but to experience the way you create such magic and allow others to get a chance to enjoy it with you”

He shook his head a few more tears spilling down his cheeks which you managed to catch before taking his face in your hands

“You deserve every ounce of this love and happiness your fans give to you, that your friends and family have for you, and that I share with you, my harry”

“Yours..”

Placing another kiss on your lips he pulled away and wrapped you back up in his arms, he pinched himself most nights wondering how in the world he got so lucky to have found a woman as amazing as you are. You kept him safe, provided him so much love and comfort, and were his biggest supporter.

“Thank you for this petal, love you so much and m’so grateful I get to go through this life with you, can’t believe you did all this for me”

Smiling up at him you shrugged

“I’d give you the entire world if you asked me too..”

In Harry’s eyes you already had, you were the moon, the stars and the whole universe to him. You were his world.