#hope my health gets better :')

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[tesseractingrey]

i think one of the coolest things about dan howell is the example he sets of how your life isn’t over at 25, and one person won’t fix your life but you still can. dan met his actual soulmate at 18 and is only now, in his 30s, finding true and genuine happiness and fulfillment. meeting phil didn’t automatically solve all his problems, although he was clearly a significant part of the motivation to bother doing the work at all. but dan still put in the work himself for YEARS to improve himself and his life and it WORKED. your life isn’t over if you aren’t completely happy and fulfilled and the person you wish you could be in your 20s. putting in the work takes time but it is WORTH IT.

[aroaceleovaldez]

Nico and Percy's dynamic through the series is eternally funny to me, because it's just. like.

Percy's having a constant mental struggle between his fatal flaw of loyalty with a promise he made to Bianca to protect Nico, versus his Big 3 kid desire to maim other Big 3 kids / Poseidon descendant urge to totally maim Nico specifically. He hates Nico so so much. He thinks Nico's annoying and weird at best, and creepy/sketchy when he's older. The only positive thoughts Percy has towards Nico are "He's Bianca's brother and Bianca was my friend and I owe her/He's Hazel's brother and Hazel is my friend and would kill me if I was mean to him," "He's a powerful asset and useful ally (if questionable)," and "He's kinda pathetic and I feel maybe a little bad about it." Percy has multiple occasions throughout the series where he strongly considers - and on one occasionally actually goes through with - throttling Nico.

Meanwhile, Nico is following around Percy like a lost puppy. He explicitly can never bring himself to even dislike anything about Percy no matter how hard he tries. He has a whole bit in BoO where he's mentally going "UGH he's so stupid BUT IT'S ENDEARING HOW DARE HE." He's totally smitten. He's making deals with his dad for Percy. He's making convoluted plans to help Percy stand a chance against Kronos. During the entirety of BoTL it's like he's playing tsundere - "I'm helping NOT PERCY SPECIFICALLY with this quest! Me helping Percy would be SILLY because I DEFINITELY HATE HIM." Then he proceeds to show up to Percy's birthday party to basically ask him on a weird date and spend the entire next book scrambling around trying to help him or protect him or impress him. And Percy could not give less of a shit.

Just. That dynamic is so funny to me. Percy is the founder of the Nico Protection Club in that he's the one they're all protecting Nico from and meanwhile Nico is throwing himself at Percy to the point where the literal god of gay love calls him out on it.

[akindplace]

I hope July brings you closer to your goals, closer to the people you love, closer to your dreams. May it bring you friends, laughter, delicious food, cuddles, dancing. I hope July feels like a sigh of relief, may it feel like you’re settled and safe and warm. May if be filled with moments of joy, with lots of rest in between. May you feel confident and capable in what you hope to achieve, may your health improve, may you recover things you thought you’d lost, may you find beauty and keep it close to your heart, may you feel loved and make new friends

[macksartblock]

I know some people may feel a little sad about Normal’s epilogue moment but yknow I thought it was nice. He and the others went through such an intense series of events. He clearly was struggling with self image issues and likely more. And he still is.

Growing up didn’t fix that. And that’s okay. That’s something a lot of people grapple with long into their adulthood. Something about it was kind of refreshing to see that shown. Things aren’t perfect. They likely never will be. But for that night, he allows himself let loose with his friends again.

[employee052]

felt kinda shitty earlier this morning, so i drew some comfort narrator for myself but i figured yall might want it too, so heres some comfort narry

[internetdruid]

Evening, ladies

[thedisablednaturalist]

People who are worried they aren't helping with climate change or any other big world problem bc they do something like make video games or art or are a cashier at a grocery store:

You are helping. You are making the art that helps me, an environmentalist actively working to restore biodiversity and ecosystems, get through each day. You are helping those of us on the front lines enjoy living or take a well-needed break. The person loading my groceries into my car is making it so I can eat that week and have enough energy to do my work. If you want to do more, you can volunteer, donate, and boost the voices of local community leaders working to protect and restore the local ecosystems, but don't feel bad if you can't. We are all in this together.

[the-togepi-man]

Oop something went wrong time to take a nap about it

[icewindandboringhorror]

Just curious what the average level of personal investment in these sorts of things is. Like, how much do people usually get into silly stuff like this their friends ask of them? etc. etc. Which I know, only surveying a small sample on a very specific website means I'm not getting an exact average idea lol, but.. curious nonetheless .. Maybe reblog for bigger sample size but also this is not very serious at all/not worth a call to action gbhjbhjb

[thephooka]

Hello! I wanted to ask o saw a few asks that had rumblings of not completing your comic to its desired end. I stopped reading WN for a while last year and have just now come back to it recently for a reread. Mental health, y'know. I saw the post that said the hiatus was ending in December, did I miss something important or did I just sleeping beauty my way through most of a large hiatus?

Ty!

Neither--Arc 1 ended in 2023, and I've been doing some shorter comics ever since, which was always the plan. Some of it is setup for Arc 2 (there's a significant passage of time between the two arcs) and some of it's just stories I want to tell.

The most recent short comic finished in September and I'm taking a break to give my drawing arm a rest and because, frankly, I need a break! I haven't taken a real hiatus in WN's entire run. Turns out if you do the same thing for a decade plus without stopping you will eventually burn out, even if it's something you love and you're going really slowly at it.

There may or may not be more short hiatuses between comics in the future, as I'm in the process of learning that I NEED to stop sometimes, regardless of what I WANT. I'm not in a hurry to get to WN's end anyway, I'm not sure what I'd do without it in my life.

The discourse about unfinished webcomics came from somewhere else, it's unrelated. I just have a personal pet peeve with the idea that a work is pointless if it's not finished.

[th3-c0ll3ct3r]

My Tumblr followers. If and when you see this. Just don't look at twitter man

This year is cooked

Sorry for the vent but omg this year man THIS YEAR UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (read tags for context)

[natjennie]

my mom got out of some scary chest surgery a little bit ago and we've just been updated that everything's good, she's breathing on her own, no intubation or respirator or oxygen or anything so that's really good. we're not 100% out of the woods but it's looking good. my family needed a fucking win.

[hivepixels]

being a sollux fan is suffering cant even check his tag w/o getting ersl as the first result😭😭 pissed me off so bad i actually blocked the artist sjdjsjjsjdsj

HELPPP i wish tumblr's filter content settings actually hid posts entirely instead of leaving it behind a wall. but i will say there were two fairly recent ersl interpretations that i found pree fresh, rlly gotta clown these charas for the funs

[pastafossa]

Confirmation of life. Moderate improvement in symptoms. Period cramps came in with a steel chair, but that's temporary.

In the meantime, the only game I've had the energy or brainspace to play is Stardew Valley, and my sick af ass has been blearily showing the family my farm like

[woundedheartwithin]

Back on my meds, making a damn decent paycheck despite how many days I had to take off this month, my mom’s feeling better now that she’s home and we’ve figured everything out, our neighbor’s gonna build us a wheelchair ramp for cheap, and my dad miiiiiiiiight be buying a new car as we speak 🤞 (my mom just can’t get into the truck anymore, and she hasn’t wanted to drive her two seater for a while now, so we’re trading it for something practical). Things are finally going fairly well, all things considered ❤️