#hope i can write more on this soon with enough time & headspace

[sabotage-on-mercury]

Hi! I’d like to know about 9 and 12 please :)

Hiii🥰💖 thanks you so much for the asks!!

For my demon!Az / horny!Crowley fic

9.) What is your favorite dialogue you’ve written so far?

Ohh tricky question, until now, I only have fragments that need a little polishing. But this made me smile:

"Just one more word and I swear I will find a way around you poor little protection spell and then there is nothing you could do to stop me from feasting on your flesh -"

"Is this a promise or..."

"I have the feeling you're not taking me seriously, Crowley."

"Oh, I can take you any way you want. Just say a word."

"You have no idea of the powers you're messing with, you foolish human."

"Maybe I need a little demonstration."

12. What emotions do you expect your readers to feel?

Hmm, I hope I can entertain my readers with this little cracky story and make people smile a bit about how ridiculously horny Crowley is 🤭

And I'd really want people to swoon over bitchy bearded Aziraphale😌

[darksigns-exe]

dors encore jusqu'au jour où tout ira bien* - noah sebastian x f!reader

*sleep on until the day when all is well

warnings: Swearing, discussions of mental health, depression, burnout and relationship issues

word count: 5.9k

note: This is a hefty one. It gets very angsty in certain parts, but if you know me, you know that I cannot bring myself to write a bad ending. Regardless of that, please think of yourself first and feel free to sit out on this one if you’re not in the headspace to dip into almost 6k of angst. Thank you to @deathblacksmoke and @circle-with-me for your feedback <3

masterlist | taglist sign-up

You’re not sure when it happened. 

It feels like one day everything was fine and the next he’s pushing his dinner across the plate as if it’s the most revolting thing he’s ever seen. 

You’ve never seen Noah like this. 

Sure, he gets quite sometimes. He has days when he locks himself behind the door of the studio and only emerges to eat and to take a bathroom break. 

This is different, though. 

When you think about it, you can’t remember the last time you’ve seen him smile or heard him laugh. You’re sure that it can’t have been long, surely you haven’t missed him tumbling into his hole. 

You don’t realise how bad it actually is until he starts to miss appointments, until you have to convince him to get out of bed just to have breakfast with you. He retreats back into the safety of your bedroom as soon as he’s finished with what you know to be too little food. You know that he’s only coming downstairs for your sake. And somehow that makes it worse. 

You sit in silence for a long while on that morning. You’ve watched him wither for too long already. And maybe that’s why you call Nick that morning, hoping that he can give you some kind of insight. Nick has all the answers, he always knows. 

He doesn’t this time. 

All he can offer is what you already know. 

Knowing Noah, he’ll be resistant to help until it's almost too late. Still, you make your way up the stairs towards your shared bedroom. They feel impossibly long today. It’s not like you’re going to break horrible news to him, but you know your boyfriend well enough to know that he’ll deny that anything is wrong. He’ll insist that everything is just fine, even when you both know that the exact opposite is the truth. 

The worst thing, you think, is that you don’t know why he feels like this. You’ve tried to ask him if he’s looking forward to the shows, to playing the new songs, but all you ever got in response was a half-hearted shrug. Watching him lose all passion for the thing he loved had broken a little piece inside of you.

You knock on the door before you crack it open just a little bit. 

“Noah?” you ask softly, not sure if he’s still awake or if sleep had already taken him over again.  

No reply. 

You force yourself through the crack in the door and close it as quietly as you can. He’s curled up on his side, turned away from the door. The sight breaks your heart even more. His body moves with slow breaths, and you’re still not sure if he’s awake or not. 

You sit on the edge of the bed behind him. You place your hand on his back, and he jumps at the touch, shrinking further away from you. 

“You don’t have to say anything. I don’t know what’s going on in your head, love, but I’m here.” you can’t stop the tears from falling as you speak, “I don’t know how to help you, but we need to do something. I’m worried about you.”

He stays silent, but you can feel him draw in a deep breath under your palm. 

“Nick thinks that you should think about cancelling the shows.” 

You regret it as soon as you’ve said it. 

The look on his face when he finally turns to look at you hurts more than anything else. The anger that suddenly radiates from him makes scoot back from him instantly.

“And why the fuck would I do that? This is none of your business. I don’t go around telling you how to do your job, do I?” he seethes, “You have nothing to be worried about.”

“You’re obviously not well. I’m just trying to help.” you reply, feeling awfully helpless. 

Noah sits up, his back still turned to you. 

“If you think you know me so well, you should know that I’m fine. And I don’t need your help, either. Maybe you should find someone else to pity.” 

He’s out of the room before you can say another word. Deep down, you know that the anger isn’t real. You don’t know what has its claws in him, but you know that it’s bad. 

You don’t know where he disappears to after that. 

The studio is empty, and his keys have disappeared from the little chest of drawers by the door. A part of you wants to abandon him then and there. If he wants to soak in his misery, let him. But at the same time, you know that he needs you more than ever now, even if he isn’t ready to see that yet. 

You get a text from Jolly not long after that, letting you know that Noah showed up at his door looking all kinds of messed up. He lets you know that he’s out cold on the sofa for the time being, but that there needs to be a conversation before long. 

Jolly drops of a clearly miserable Noah the following morning. 

“You should shower before they get here.” Jolly says curtly as Noah disappears up the stairs once again. 

You both watch in silence as he disappears into the bathroom, and you let out a sigh when you hear the shower turn on. Without asking, you’re wrapped into a tight hug and finally the tears you’ve been holding back all day break free from you. 

“I talked to him.” he says, still holding you close, “I think he understood. The Nicks will be here in a bit, and we’ll talk about cancelling the shows.”

“Thank you.” you mumble into the fabric of his shirt. 

He gives you another squeeze before releasing you from the hug, “How are you doing? I know this has to be hard on you too.” 

You do feel a little bit bad for pouring your heart out to him like this, but it feels good to finally talk to someone besides yourself about any of this. 

Before long, your conversation is interrupted by the bathroom door opening again. You think Noah resembles a wet puppy more than he does a man, and it makes you feel impossibly bad for him. He stands at the top of the stairs, wrapped into one of the hoodies you know he likes, watching you intently. His hands wring together nervously, brow furrowed so deeply that you’re sure that it aches a little. You excuse yourself and swiftly come up to meet Noah. 

“Can we talk?” he asks quietly, barely managing to meet your eyes, “I want to apologise.”

You follow him into your bedroom.

Noah sits down at the foot of your bed. You sit next to him, a hands' width away from. 

“What I said — that was not okay. I shouldn’t have said that.” he remains focused on his still fidgeting hands, “I’m really sorry.”

The way he’d looked at you a day earlier still lingered in your mind, and even though you know that he didn’t actually mean what he said, you can’t help but feel hurt. 

“I know you are. I know you didn’t mean what you said. It still hurt.” you reach for his hands, interlacing yours with one of his, “But we’ll be okay. I just need you to talk to me. I don’t know what to do if you don’t talk to me.” 

Noah squeezes your hand just a little bit, “I’m sorry that I let it get this bad.”

You pull him into your arms and Noah folds almost instantly. His head drops to your shoulder. The fabric of your shirt grows a little damp, and the silent sob that shakes through his body makes your chest ache. 

The other two arrive within the next thirty minutes, with Folio running a little late because he once again misjudged the time it would take him to get to your place. You stay in the living room while they talk in the kitchen, despite Noah’s protest. As much as you want to sit with him and hold his hand, you know that he has to do this on his own. In the end, the conclusion is that the shows need to be cancelled so that Noah will have some kind of chance to recuperate. You overhear his quiet admission that maybe he has piled a little bit too much onto his plate, that he’s tried to do too much in too little time. You know that all he’s ever wanted was to see this band do well, and when they finally got that, he’d done everything he needed to make sure that they’d stay up there. And now, in retrospect, you know that you should have tried to do something earlier. 

Hindsight is evil like that. 

The three of them don’t stay for dinner. Nick stays for a while longer, but you can tell that Noah longs for the house to be quiet again. And he practically falls into your lap as soon as you’ve sat down next to him again. Your fingers card through his hair, just how he likes it, while you sit in silence. He falls asleep a little while later. His brow remains furrowed, and you can easily tell that he’s clenching his jaw. You let Noah rest like this for a while, before you carefully slip out from under him. He stirs a little, blinking up at you with drowsy eyes. You kneel down next to him, placing your hand against his cheek. 

“I’m gonna order us something for dinner. How do you feel about Korean?” 

His expression only changes minimally. 

“We can get whatever you want.” Your thumb drifts across his cheek, “But you need to eat something, darling.”

You end up heating up a portion of frozen tomato soup for each of you. You’re sure that you see a faint trace of a smile on his face when you place the grilled cheese in front of him. 

For the first time in weeks, you think that things are looking up. 

Despite your best efforts, you watch him sink deeper and deeper into this hole. He’s distant, drifting along as days pass and turn into weeks, and you feel as if there’s nothing that you can do to make it better. You’ve managed to convince him to see Ash at least once a week, but even that had felt like an uphill battle. You feel awful for making him leave the house when he so evidently doesn’t want to do that. At the same time, it feels like the only thing you can do besides holding him close when it gets so bad that he wakes in the middle of the night, body shaking with bitter sobs that sear right through you. 

You know that you can’t force Noah to talk. But at the same time you wish that he’d at least divulge a little bit of what is going on in his head, maybe that way you could do more. 

You think that he’s coming up on the other side when you find him in his studio one afternoon. It isn’t until you actually step inside the room that you notice his face buried in his hands. In a split second, you find yourself kneeling at his side. At first, he doesn’t move, remains stuck as he is. 

“Talk to me, Noah. Please.” You plead, placing your hand on him as best as you can with this weird angle, “I want to help, but I don’t know what you need if you don’t talk to me.”

Reluctantly, he swivels the chair towards you, allowing him to somewhat drape himself over you. The silent tears break your heart even further. You’ve seen him cry before, more in recent weeks than ever before, but this feels different. He sinks down in front of you, utterly broken down. And all you can do is hold him close, whispering soothing things to him. You don’t know if your words even reach his conscious mind, but maybe they sink into him somewhere, maybe deep down they find a home in him. 

“It doesn’t work. I can’t do it any more.” He whispers after some time. 

Your fingers card through his hair, trying to get him to look at you, but Noah resists, keeping his face pressed against your shoulder. 

“What doesn’t work?” You ask softly. 

Instead of giving you an answer, he throws a hesitant look towards the still opened editing software on his monitor. 

“Oh darling.” You sigh, wrapping him even tighter into your embrace.

“This is all I have.” He says feebly, “This is who I am.”

“Noah.”

He pulls away just a little bit. The only way you can describe the look on his face is panicked. 

“What am I going to do if I can’t do the one thing I’m good at any more? I — I don’t know what I’m going to do.” He hiccups in between words, and it’s evident that he’s barrelling towards a panic attack, “I can’t lose this.”

He descends into rambling, chest heaving frantically, and for a second you feel so very helpless. It doesn’t matter what you say, your words won’t reach him, no amount of it’ll be okay can fix this, and it hurts so terribly. 

You place your hands on the sides of his face, forcing him to look at you as a last ditch effort. 

“Look at me, Noah.” You’re not sure where you find the energy to be this firm with him, “I need you to listen to me now, okay? I’m here. I’m not going anywhere, no matter what happens. The guys aren’t going anywhere. The band isn’t going anywhere. Whatever happens, we’re all here. Your friends are here, and we love you so much. It doesn’t matter how much time you need. We’ll all be here when you’re ready. And even if that’s in a month or a year. And if it gets worse, and you never get there again, we’ll still be here. No one is going to leave. I won’t leave.” 

He’s quieted down to sniffles by then. His cheeks are so awfully red and splotchy, and you don’t think that you’ve ever seen him look more exhausted before. 

“I know this is scary. And I know that we can make it through this, but I need you to talk to me. Watching you suffer through this in silence hurts a lot. I feel so helpless watching you fall apart like this.”

“I’m just so scared of losing all of this.” The admission comes so quietly, “What if we can’t keep up with the demand? What if we can’t —“

“What happened to doing whatever you want regardless of how it’ll sell?” You reach for his hand instead, “I know this sudden rise felt good, but this is not sustainable. You can’t spend months on the road, barely sleeping, just so you can keep up with all of this. This — the band, the fans, the music wouldn’t be here without you. All of you.”

You squeeze his hand tightly. 

“We’ll figure this out, Noah.” You press a kiss to the back of his still trembling hand, “I promise.”

He lets out a heavy breath, folding in on himself just a little bit. 

“I’m sorry that you have to deal with this.” He sighs. 

“I would do it over and over again. As often as I have to. And I know that you’d do the same for me.” 

Noah’s the one who brings up the idea of a vacation. He doesn’t make a direct suggestion, but you find a print out of an Airbnb in Oregon on the kitchen table one morning, and that’s good enough for you. You’re glad for any kind of active participation he’s willing to give. It’s been a difficult few weeks, but you think that he’s starting to feel a little better. On some days, you think that he’s almost back on top. He’s all smiles and sweet words, just to fall back down the next day. It’s a slow climb, but you’re moving forwards. 

Oregon will be nice. 

The drive is nice, albeit awfully long. Noah had admitted that he didn’t feel good enough to drive, and you’re glad that he’s able to see what he is and isn’t ready for. He seems to be quite comfortable navigating and selecting music, though. You don’t say anything when you hear him humming along to one of the songs, afraid that it’ll make him shrink back into his shell. Hearing his dumb little laugh at a street sign reading Weed gives you a little bit of hope. 

In the months since Noah had been at home, the intimate side of your relationship had been practically non-existent. For a while you’d felt as if you were living with a friend rather than your boyfriend of three years. Noah had never one to shy away from intimacy, your relationship had always been interlaced with soft touches and kisses. To watch him recoil at your touch had been incredibly hurtful, even when you knew - or rather hoped - that it was only a momentary thing. 

By the time your first week in Oregon is almost over, you dare to let your hands wander across his chest once again. It’s strangely foreign. You’d been so used to touching him like this, and now it almost feels as if you have relearn everything again. 

You’ve laid awake for the past hour. He looks much more relaxed now compared to some weeks earlier. The persistent furrow in his brow is slowly easing, and his sleep seems to be a little more restful. 

You do feel a little bad for disturbing his much-needed rest, but you can’t help yourself. He looks so beautiful in the warm morning light falling through the open sliver in the curtains. 

Your fingers trail across the streak of light that runs across his tummy and chest. The muscles twitch beneath your touch, but he doesn’t quite stir yet. You try to keep your touch as gentle as you can. Noah only wakes when your fingers brush against his hip. He stretches, letting you a soft noise as he does. There’s no protest when you trace up the length of his side. He’s still so sleepy, eyes all soft and warm, and you absolutely have to kiss him. 

He leans into your hand when you place it against his cheek. You draw him in for a kiss for what feels like the first time in months. It’s so gentle and chaste, barely there, but it seems to ignite something in Noah. A second later you find yourself on your back, with him hovering above you. One of your hands drifts along his back, before it settles at his waist, guiding him towards you. 

It’s over as quickly as it has started. 

“I can’t.” He says quietly, forehead once again dropped against your shoulder. 

“It’s okay, honey. We don’t have to.” You soothe, carefully threading your fingers into his hair, “We can just have a little cuddle instead.”

“I can’t.” He looks absolutely miserable when he detaches himself from you, “It doesn’t work. This is so fucking embarrassing.”

You realise then when he means. The agony and embarrassment on his face make you wish that you could just magic it all away. 

You want him back, not just for yourself but because you can see that this is torture for him too. 

“I’m sorry.” Noah adds quietly, “I’m — I’m gonna go to the bathroom.”

You don’t let go of him though and his efforts to leave are quickly squashed when he flops back down next to you. 

“Can you look at me for a moment, Noah?” He meets your eyes so hesitantly. 

He almost looks as if he’s just waiting to be told what a disappointment he is and somehow that hurts even more. 

“It’s okay. I’m not upset, and I don’t think less of you because of it. It’ll come back.” You say earnestly, hoping that he’ll take at least some of it to heart, “You’re still my boyfriend and I love you so much regardless of what you can or can’t do at the moment. I know you love me, you don’t have to sleep with me to show that.” 

He’s quiet for a moment, eyes flitting across your face nervously, before he settles into the slightest hint of a content smile. 

“I don’t deserve you.” 

“You do. You deserve to be treated with love and respect, especially when you need it most.” 

“I just wish that I could give some of it back.”

“You have. And in time you will again. But right now, it’s my turn to make sure that you know that you’re safe and loved.” 

His expression changes into something you can’t quite place yet. Maybe it’s realisation, maybe it’s relief, or a mixture of both. 

Noah shifts a little closer to you, taking your hands into his, “Thank you. You’ve been so patient with me.”

“Of course. It’ll always be you and me, okay? We’ve gotten through so much, we’ll get through this, too. You’ve already come so far, and I’m so proud of you.”

At the end of your second week, you’d called the owners to extend your stay for another week. Being away from home like this was good for him and if he needed a little more time here then so be it. You could thankfully afford that luxury. 

You find him furiously scribbling in a notebook when you come back from the store one afternoon. You couldn’t remember if he’d brought one of his or if he’d borrowed yours, but whatever had sprung into his mind was important enough for him to need to get it onto paper immediately. You watch him from the doorway for a moment, not wanting to disturb him just yet. Instead, you bring the rest of your shopping into the house as quietly as you can. Noah comes to meet you at the door just as you bring in the last bag.

“You’re back quick.” he states somewhat blankly. 

“Didn’t want you to be alone for too long.” you reply, tossing the pack of toilet roll towards him, “Can you get one of the bags?” 

His face turns down into a frown, before he reaches for one of the bags and marches off into the depths of the house. 

As much as his overall mood has improved, it’s still so changeable. The smallest thing tips him off and you either end up at each other's throats or with you cradling him in your arms while he tries to quiet down his tears. You’re so tired of the fighting, though. You don’t mind doing this for him, in fact you do it gladly, but sometimes it exhausts you. The boys had been your greatest crutch, checking in with you once in a while to make sure you were also taking care of yourself, and you are more than grateful for it. All three of them had been so incredibly supportive in their own ways. As soon as you’d mentioned that you were heading up to Oregon for a bit, Folio had sent you link after link with recommendations of things to do and look at. You hadn’t had the heart to tell him that you were glad if you’d get Noah to sit outside with you in the evenings. You had eventually managed to convince Noah to go on little walks with you, just to get him out of the house and moving a little bit. In the end, he had been the one who had dragged you out of the door in the morning so that you could get to that one nice spot before the tourists got there. 

Noah is nowhere to be seen when you enter the kitchen. The bags are haphazardly placed in front of the counter, with no sight of him anywhere. 

Your call of his name remains unanswered. 

When you don’t see him on the bench out on the back porch, you make your way through the house, checking various rooms until you find him once again sequestered away in the bedroom. 

“Baby?” you ask softly, “Everything okay?” 

Noah makes a somewhat indignant sound then, and you swear that you see him rolling his eyes. 

“Noah.” 

“You can stop babying me. I’m not incapable of living without you.” he shoots back, “You don’t need to hound me all day. I’ll be fine.” 

“I just want to –” 

He scoffs, “I know you just want to help. And why do you think I need your help? I’m not – I don’t need you to pity me.” 

The first tears fall before your jaw has the chance to tremble. 

You try not to listen to the bitter words he hurls at you. They slowly chip away at your confidence. 

“I’m not some lost puppy you need to take care of.” 

Somehow, that’s your last straw. 

“You know what, Noah. I’m sorry for putting my life on the back burner for you. I’m sorry that I tried to help the man I love.” you turn on your heels, leaving the room before he can throw more vitriol your way. 

Your feet carry outside and down the pathway towards the river. Your chest feels so awfully tight. There’s only so much you can take, and hearing him discredit everything you’ve done for him feels as if he’s struck a sword straight through your chest. You collapse on the low bench in front of the firepit you haven’t had the chance to use yet. As much as you try to convince yourself that he doesn’t actually mean what he said, you can’t quite bring yourself to do so. The anger on his face seemed so real. Maybe you had gone a little overboard with your care. All you had wanted was for him to feel better, you had never meant to overstep. 

It feels so heartbreaking. 

Out of all the fights you’ve had recently, this one feels the most devastating. Although, you’re not even sure if you can call this a fight. 

You don’t know if you can come back from this. 

The longer you sit in silence, the worse the feeling gets. Somehow, you had hoped that he’d come out and find you, that he’d try to fix it. Instead, you’re out here on your own, shivering as the air gets colder and colder. You’re not sure how long you’re out here, but no matter how much you try, you can’t will yourself to head back inside. 

The call of your name barely reaches you, not even the orb of the torch you’d brought two days into your stay makes you look up. It’s only when his figure crouches in front of you, hands desperately smoothing along your shoulders and face. 

“You’re freezing.” his voice trembles when he speaks, “Fuck, I’m so sorry.” 

His sweater is draped across your shoulders, his warmth sinks into you almost immediately. 

Noah’s hands curl around yours, holding them just a little bit too tightly. He’s shaking like a leaf. It’s too dark to make out the intricacies of his face, but the fear is obvious. 

“I– I couldn’t find you inside. I didn’t know where you’d gone.” the words rush from his mouth so quickly that he stumbles across a few of them, “I’m so sorry. Let’s get you inside. Please, my love.” 

When you don’t immediately move, his forehead drops to your knees, hands tucked under him so that he can press his lips to your palms. 

“I wish I could take it all back. I’m such an ass. Fuck, you do so much for me and I can’t even say thank you for it.” another kiss to your palms, “Please come inside with me. I don’t want you to get ill because of me.” 

Noah rises to his feet, slowly pulling you with him. 

His hand remains wrapped around yours, as if he’s scared that you’ll vanish again. Through the open sliding door, you can already smell what you think is a pasta bake. Nothing fancy, but he always manages to whip up something good and warming for you. 

He ushers you towards the table, making you sit down on one of the chairs. Within a moment, he places a somewhat cooled cup of tea in your hands. 

“I thought that you’d gone to the other bedroom and I – I feel so bad that I never checked. I just wanted to give you space after all of that and – and now this.” he sits on the chair next to you, hands writhing in his lap, “I don’t know how I can fix this. What I said – I keep fucking up. You’ve given up so much for me, and this is what I do in return. I can’t take it back. I said all of that, and I know that it was incredibly hurtful. But if there’s some way that you’ll forgive me – it doesn’t matter what you need from me – I’ll do it. But if you need me to –” he swallows back tears and maybe that’s when you realise how serious is about this, “If you need me to leave I will. I can be gone by tomorrow if you want that.” 

“Don’t leave.” your voice feels so rough, so shaky, “Please.” 

The tears that roll down his cheek feel so loud when then drop onto the hardwood below your feet. 

“I won’t.” his hands find yours once more, “We can fix this. I don’t want to feel like this any more, but – I need you. I don’t know if I can do it on my own.”

You look at your joined hands. You’ve always thought that they fit together so perfectly, two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle made exactly for each other. There’s no one else who fits you like he does. Sure, you could try and jam two pieces together, but it’ll never be right like this. 

“I told you that I’ll always be here, didn’t I?” you say, still looking at where his hands flex around yours, “I meant that. I don’t know if I could love anyone else.” 

His lips press together so tightly that the colour flees from them. 

“We’ve come too far to give up on this now, Noah. We’ll figure this out, but we need to be better – both of us.”

“I know.” he casts his eyes low, “When we’re back home I’m gonna get myself back into therapy. I promise you that I’ll get myself back on my feet.” 

You free one of your hands from his grasp, so that you can bring it up to his cheek, “We can make it through this. We’ll be alright.” 

Noah eyes you for a moment before he finally speaks up, “Can – can I kiss you?” 

Even if you wanted to, you can’t stop the smile from breaking onto your face, “Please.” 

He surges forward then, pressing his lips to yours so sweetly. He cradles your face in his hands, keeping you close to him until you’re both breathless. 

“I love you, but I think your pasta is about to burn.” you whisper after a few more blissful moments. 

Noah jumps up with a swear, and for the first time in months you can see his previous self break through this shell. 

There’s a tentative plan for the band to return to the stage in late January, giving you another two – almost three months – of this quiet life. Sometimes you think that Noah feels quite comfortable being just a boyfriend and not a trillion other things on top of it. Every day he rises a little easier, seems a little more secure in himself again. Slowly but surely the music returns into his life, and before long he’s pushing his notebook into your field of vision again. 

“Can you have a look at this? I don’t know how I feel about it.” he asks, slumping down next to you. 

You put down your phone and pick the book from his hands. You’ve always loved his boyish handwriting. Something tells you that this isn’t meant for Bad Omens or anyone else's eyes. It’s surprisingly confessional, a somewhat fictionalised account of the last few months that all in all wraps around a single steady thread – you. It’s not a hymn to your efforts, but rather an acknowledgement of everything you had given him and sacrificed because of him. 

Noah's hand wraps around yours. The crowd a few meters away from you roars as the screen changes once again. 

“You’ll be fine, honey.” you soothe, squeezing his hand tightly. 

“Feels like I’m doing this for the first time.” 

It’s been almost a year, of course he’d be a little nervous. But you know that he’ll do his best, and that’s all everyone could ever ask for. 

“I know. I can’t be with you up there, but I’m right here. If you need me, I’ll be right here.”

He nods, more to reassure himself than to acknowledge what you said. 

“You’re almost up.” someone says from behind you.

Noah shakes himself out of his stasis. 

“Alright.” he says to himself, “Wish me luck?” 

“You don’t need luck.” you pull him in for a kiss, “I love you. Go do your thing.” 

“I love you.” 

He steals another kiss, before he pulls that damned ski mask over his head. Just a moment later he’s up the stairs and as soon as you hear their screams you know that the little bit of fear that still sat on his shoulder has melted away.

From your position you can watch the show quite comfortably. It takes Noah a moment to get back into the stage persona, but once they’re through the first song, it feels as if he had never stopped doing it. Seeing him back on his feet like this fills you with absolute joy. 

They’re nearing the end of the set when Noah actually addresses their somewhat forced break. 

“We’ve been away for a little bit. I’m sorry if that messed with your plans, but it was a long time coming. We’re all incredibly thankful for what you’ve made possible for us, and we’ve always tried to give all of that back. Maybe we – I’ve tried a little too hard. What I’m trying to say is that it’s thanks to all of your support that I could take this step back, and I’ll never forget that. But I also have to thank someone else.” he turns towards you, giving you that smile of his that makes you feel as if you’ve just fallen in love with him, “Thank you for everything. I couldn’t have done this without you.” 

Whatever he says after that is drowned out by the cheering of the crowd. Noah leads them into the last song of the set so effortlessly. 

The past months still linger with you, and they will for a while longer. In the end, it was worth every single tear. You’d fought tooth and nail for this – both of you had. And you’re so glad that you did it. 

As soon as the set is over, Noah comes barrelling down the stairs towards you. You’re wrapped into his arms. You return the embrace immediately, holding him to you as tightly as you can. For a long moment, both of you remain silent, content to just hold each other close. 

“Thank you, my love.” he whispers, pressing a kiss to your cheek, “For everything.”

taglist: @deathblacksmoke @circle-with-me @sitkowski @ladyveronikawrites @baddestomens

@malice-ov-mercy @chels3a-smile @ferduttini @somebodyels3 @itsafullmoon

@shilohrosechicken @poisongirl616 @mysticdoodlez @agravemisstake

[baby-tini]

I know your requests are closed and I'm so sorry if I'm bothering you bit I'm not feeling the best mentally right and your writing is a big comfort for me. Again if you don't want too I understand, but could you write Dazai with a suicidal/depressed reader, he's a really big comfort to me, thank you!!!

Don't worry baby, you're not bothering me, and I'm so honored you feel comfortable enough too ask for something like this. My inbox and DMs are always open if you or anyone wants too talk, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way love, I completely understand, and I really do hope that you feel better soon.

TW- Suicidal Ideation, Mention of Self-Harm, Depressive Episode

-He knew. He knew when you woke up that morning not as affectionate or loving. He knew, when the past couple of days seemed extremely hard for you too get out of bed. He knew when he looked in your eyes and he saw the same yearning for death that stared back at him in his reflection.

-You didn't have too tell him, but when he asked you if you were okay and you just broke in his arms, he knew. He called out of work that day, not even letting Kunikida get a word in as he hung up the call and laid you down in bed, where he proceeded too spend hours with you.

-He wouldn't make you talk about it, he'd ask if you wanted too talk, and he'd listen to everything that you said, wiping your tears away as he pushed the wet sticky strands of hair that were glued to your cheeks behind your ear.

-If you did wanna talk about how you're feeling and how everything just felt so meaningless, like you were doing so much for nothing. He'd listen, he'd listen to every word that left your lips as he nodded and would give his imput or ask a question every so often.

-If you didn't wanna talk about it, he'd understand, he doesn't really talk about his feelings either so he'll just let you lay on him and cry into his chest as much as you need. Softly running his hands through your hair as he pressed soft kisses to the crown of your head.

-He'd keep an eye on you for a while. A couple months if he had too, even if he could tell that you were happy and were no longer having those thoughts and feelings. He can't afford too lose you, you're everything to him. So even if he has too stop going to work for a while, he will. If he needs too take days off work for you and comfort you, he will, if being around him makes you happy, just ask, he doesn't really care that much for paperwork anyway, he'll just ask Atsushi and he really could careless for the consequences. There's a lot of people at the ADA, other people could work cases. You need him and that's all that matters.

-He understands the ugliness of depression, so he understands how you feel, maybe not completely but he can relate quite heavily to the topic, so if you need him too wash your hair as you sit in the bathtub, he will. If you haven't eaten, he'll order something for you, if you're not hungry, he understands but you'll have too eat even if it's a little bit. Just a couple bites and he'll be satisfied.

-If you're someone who likes too, or prefers too be left alone, he understands, because he's the same way. He'll let you be, but he won't leave you alone, he's not comfortable with that. He'll check on you quite a lot, even if it's just an, "are you okay" or a, "do you need anything" that he asks through the door. He's satisfied because he knows you're alive and he can hear you.

-He doesn't mind when the room gets dirty, if you don't have the will too do laundry or too even get up too brush your teeth, he gets it. Especially if he's also in a similar headspace at the time and he doesn't have the mental strength too get up and clean. It'll be dealt with when you both feel better, that's the last thing on his mind as he lays with you in bed, in the quiet room enjoying your soft breath against his neck as he feels your chest rise and fall.

-If you're someone who self-harms and you partake in self-destructive behavior, he'll be more on you. He will not leave your side. He will take everything that could hurt you and he'll hide it. Now, he knows you're an adult and you're capable of making your own decisions, but he can't take any chances, one wrong... move and you could kill yourself, and like I said, he can't take any chances.

-If you take any medications, he'll be the one too give them to you, he doesn't want too make you feel like a child but he understands that when people are in that head-space, they make bad decisions and they're desperate for even the smallest bit of mental release so they'll make themselves feel physical pain, but he can't let you do that.

-If you become actively suicidal and try too attempt on your own life, he will hold you hostage of sorts. He won't tie you up or anything, but he will keep you with him at all points of the day, he'd go days without sleep just too watch you and make sure you're safe. You are no longer allowed too be on your own, he doesn't want you too feel worse by making you think he doesn't trust you, because all he wants is too make sure you're safe. You can cuss and yell at him- even hit him if you need too, but he can't and he won't take those chances.. not with you he won't- he can't.

[naffeclipse]

Heya Naff!

Just had this little idea snippet pop to mind and I thought I’d share it with you cuz it’s kinda reminiscent of Lack of Light and I guess a little of Cryptid Sightings too.

So, what if Y/N for some reason or another ends up in a dark cave, not in any danger, but maybe just there to destress and have some calm, quiet time. Then they hear an ominous voice (Moon or Eclipse probably), but never see whom it belongs to. They make rather interesting conversation and despite Y/N’s curiosity, the voice warns that it's for the best Y/N doesn’t know what they look like, lest their appearance frightens them.

Over time and many more visits they become good friends. Y/N is always one to confide in them about their troubles and hardships, and the ominous voice replies with comfort and advice. Reversely on the rare occasion the voice opens up, Y/N is able to cheer them up with a lighthearted kindness and maybe some humour thrown in. 

Eventually Y/N gets curious enough and the voice's owner is revealed. They are indeed a little unsettling to say the least, but Y/N is able to remind themselves that this creature/thing is their friend and the encounter goes smoothly. 

From then on Y/N is also adamant of giving lots of hugs and cuddles, no matter how scary they seem. And tho the creature doesn’t say it, they do appreciate it.

Idk, I’m just soft for making friends with something scary / otherworldly that doesn’t get much love otherwise ^^ with a touch of secret, almost imaginary friend when you don’t have any others

But yeh, that’s all for now :) Hope you're well and have a lovely day/night, dear Naff <3 PS: haven’t gotten to CS chapter 19 yet, but hope to soon. From the little I know of you making people cry or something, I’ll be sure to have some tissues or a pillow at the ready :’) /lh

Hey, Piixel, I love this idea so much that I wrote a little something based on it! I hope that's alright! (If for any reason you want me to delete it, say the word and I will.)

Umbrage Embrace

Shadow Monster!Eclipse x Reader (SFW)

You can’t speak. You bury your face in your hands, arms scraping against the bark of the willow. A terrible tremble falls over you as the gush of tears leaks past your defenses and down your cheeks. It doesn't matter that it’s pitch dark in the forest save for the barest splatters of moonlight nor that you hide away. You will not see Eclipse. He, however, sees you.

Word Count: 3,800~ Warnings: Anxiety and hurt/comfort.

A/N: This is based on @piixelpaint's ask which you can read here! (you're already here.) Their idea inspired me so much that I had to write a little something for it, and I do love creatures who hide and give comfort and maybe wish for a little comfort in return but are terrified of scaring away their human beloved. Eclipse fits this type of monster perfectly. I also was in a headspace of wanting to address some anxiety and explore some sweet hurt/comfort! Enjoy!

[thefrogdalorian]

Hello! 

You may (or may not... I don't like to presume) have noticed my little break from posting. I just wanted to share something in case anyone was worried about me and assure you there is no need to be :) 

There isn't really one reason for why I've been on hiatus, but I guess a collection of things. 

I was really poorly with covid but thankfully I'm feeling a lot better now! But being so sick and stuck in I guess made me reevaluate certain things. 

Since recovering I got to see a lot of people I really adore with my whole heart, as well as being lucky enough to experience so many things I love with them.

And it made me realise what truly makes me happy in life. I suppose it really put things into perspective for me. I'm thinking more and more that tumblr (and being online generally) is something which unfortunately does not spark joy any longer. 

To be honest, (as I'm sure many people who were given far too much unsupervised access to the internet at a young age also do), I have a complicated relationship with social media. It doesn't make me feel good most of the time. I don't know how to handle some of the things I read and some of the things people have said to me. And just like I do irl, if the vibes feel off, I usually retreat into my shell to regroup. 

While I have made so many friends over the years of being chronically online and spoken to plenty of great people, I can feel myself getting drained again. And I really haven't missed it during the time I've been away.

I've filled my time with a lot of reading (I read Pride and Prejudice THREE times... doing amazingly), some writing and lots of long walks in nature. It's been really good for me!

As a result, right now, I just don't feel like continuing to post on this blog.

This decision wasn't caused by anyone or anything in particular. But when I've made my mind up about something, it's pretty impossible to change it. I've been mulling it over for a few days and my heart is telling me to go.

Anyway, I'm going to continue working on my WIPs and most likely continue posting them to AO3. It's by far the least social media-ish platform out there, and I really like posting on it. 

I need to take a step back to remember why I started writing, which was really as a way to get emotions out and to scream into the void a little. I don't enjoy sharing my work on tumblr, I kind of felt like I had to rather than genuinely wanting to. 

Truthfully, I just want to create and consume others' work in peace. I don't want to feel like I need to market my writing or whatever or compare myself to others. As much as I try not to, I think it's only human nature. 

So, I guess I'm really making this post to say I'll be going on a hiatus from tumblr. But I don't intend to stop writing or posting to AO3 and I hope to see you over there! 

I have no idea how long I'll be away for. Who knows... when winter comes around and my seasonal depression returns, or perhaps there is a major Mando update, maybe I'll return! 

For now, all there's left to say is how much of a pleasure it was posting about Mando and talking with you lot all these months. 

If anyone (mutual or otherwise) would like to keep in touch, feel free to message me for my discord! I'd be happy to continue chatting to you on there.

For me, in the headspace I'm currently in, one on one conversation is far less intimidating than being perceived by lots of people lol. 

I'll likely drop in at some point soon-ish and check for any of those messages, but until then, it's not a goodbye, but a see you later! 

Please care of yourselves and be kind to others :) 

Love,

Spud 🐸🩷

[avocado-writing]

hey! first off, i love your writing so much.

secondly, i’d love to see an aziraphale x reader x crowley fic where the reader has some mental health issues (specifically like anxiety and depression) and they’re going through a really rough time at the moment (maybe they’re just in a really bad headspace or their meds aren’t working so they’re struggling really bad) and they just get support and comfort from aziracrow. (i’m ngl this is kind of a self indulgent ask bc i’m personally going through some bad mental health stuff rn -100/10 i do not recommend). anyways, there’s no rush at all i’m just a sucker for hurt/comfort and fluff.

hope you have an amazing day!

notes: finally getting around to clearing out my requests, sorry this took so long - I was sort of avoiding it for a while because I wasn’t in a great space either. I hope you’re doing better x

pairing: aziraphale x reader x crowley (could be read as platonic)

cw: depression/seasonal affective disorder

rating: T

It’s difficult. 

Some days it feels like the fog won’t lift. The dark months, they always get you and it’s awful - you just want to sleep for a long time and not wake up until you know it will be better. You need to get your meds adjusted, really, but the idea of going outside and dealing with people is just a little bit sickening. 

You can’t. You just can’t. 

The lethargy that can only be brought on with melancholia plagues your every waking moment. You know that you’d forget to take care of yourself if it wasn’t for the two of them. 

God knows they’re wonderful. 

Every morning you wake up to a check-in text from Crowley, gently encouraging you to shower because they’ll be over soon. You find the effort to drag yourself to the bathroom and stand under the powerful jet for long enough that you start to zone out, only leaving the enclosure of water and steam when you hear the two of them walk into your flat. 

You never gave them the key. They manage to get in anyway. 

They bring breakfast - well, Aziraphale brings breakfast, and he eats it with you to make sure that you eat at all. That can be something that you forget. Crowley watches you over the rim of his coffee cup until he’s certain you’ve had an adequate amount, and then a miracle takes care of the washing up. 

Then they’re around you for as much or as little as you want them to be, but never more than a phone call away. 

One day you find yourself crying into your fried eggs, and the two of them look aghast. In a flash they’re by your side, holding you, a hand running up and down your back in comfort. 

“My dear, what’s the matter?” Aziraphale asks, and you can hear him snap his jaw shut quickly because well, the depression is the matter. It’s so ridiculous you end up laughing through your sobs. 

“Sorry. Sorry, I’m being silly,” you manage, wiping your eyes on your sleeve. “I just… you’re so wonderful to me. I don’t deserve it.”

“None of that,” Crowley chastises you, gently, “‘course you ‘deserve it’.”

“It isn’t a burden to look after someone you care about, darling,” Aziraphale adds. 

And you can’t bring yourself to say anything more, so you just let yourself be held very tightly. 

tags: @angiestopit @foolishprincipalitee @smile-eywa @staygoldsquatchling02 @underratedboogeyman @specter-soltare @candlewitch-cryptic @cool-ontherun-world @emilynissangtr @willbedecided @bdffkierenwalker @cool-iguana @ilyatan @civil-groupie @willyoubethepookietomypookster @lxsm2 @clarina04 @wtfhasmy-lifecometo @mrgatotortuga @wereallbrokenangels @night-affiliate @silcosmoke @kimqueenofhell @chewbrry @bajablast23 @h3k3t @am-i-obsessed---maybe @bakerstreethound@a-mediocore-writer@darktealrat @chaospossum @belilwen @rex-ray @hunterispunk

[littledollll]

hey i’ve noticed your request are open

1 hope your doing okay

2 can i request a age regression fic Lucifer or Larissa if you’re comfortable with doing these if not that is obviously okay 😊

if Lucifer ,can it be where reader was in meeting with Lucifer and leaves half way through because they can feel there going to slip but to get out the meeting to go slip they say there “going to the bathroom” but Lucifer had all ready caught on to the signs reader needed to slip because they were just staring at their wings the whole meeting so once reader gone to the “bathroom” Lucifer ends the meeting there to go comfort and spend to with there tiny one

if Larissa could it be r being shape shifter as well so when there in little space they shift into the age they’re feeling …. reader sat with Larissa in her office doing some work . while Larissa to focused on work reader slips away into their shared bedroom with out being noticed by Larissa (or so they thought) so she can slip into little space with out being a “bother” to Larissa and distract her from work but Larissa obviously notices . after R been gone for 5 minutes that when Larissa had suspected r might slipped and she gets up to find R as a toddlers sat on their bed with colouring books and stuffies and Larrisa just sits with R and cuddles and plays with her till Larissa tells her that r now has to go to bed as it is late

also if decide to do one i dont mind which one or if like both use both ☺️ hope have good time with all your writing and look after yourself i dont mind waiting as long it takes you to write

🍄-anon

Magic!

Larissa weems x little!reader

A/n: YOURE BACK (I see u👀) , both of these ideas are so damn cute but I already have one for Lucifer very similar to that so we’re doing Rissa!

No warnings?

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Larissa spent most if not all her time honestly, working. It wasn’t personal, you never took it to be either. You enjoyed her company, regardless of how quiet it could be at times. Like now, you watched read and re-read documents and emails a thousand times, the ocasional tired or disappointed sigh escaping her.

Originally you had been doing work along side her but your work load was alot lighter than hers of course. As soon as you were done you settled for laying on the couch watching her. She caught on quickly, eyes darting up to you for a moment once she noticed, sending a smile your way before going back to work. She did that often, every few minutes she’d check in, and continue. Not that you noticed since you were mostly zoned out after a while.

After a while you could feel that little feeling running over your body. Waking you up slightly. You looked back at Larissa, truly looked and saw her typing away. It would take a minute or an hour before she was done, no inbetween so you stood without a word, and happily walked into your shared room.

She wouldn’t mind it, you knew that well enough. But a little you bored out of their mind in her office while she’s working wouldn’t let her do much at all. And you couldn’t just decide to hide it since your body got so used to changing to accommodate your headspace.

So, you settled for distracting yourself. Easy enough task. You headed into the comfort of your bed room and settled on the bed with a few of your favorite items, you’d definitely draw something for her when she got back! Genius!, you thought. And got to work.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

You were discreet, yes. But Larissa knew you too well, not long after you left she looked at the time and promised herself, “Just finish this and you can go.” Turns out you were perfect motivation since it wasn’t more than a few minutes before she was able to follow behind you.

The sight she was met with made her wish she had come in recording. A little you sat on their bed, watching tv and coloring very diligently. You look so excited just to see her come in and you very strictly demanded she come to you, which she was more than happy to do.

“What do we have here, sweetheart?” Larissa was quick to ask as she sat on the bed and kissed your head. You quickly held out one of your drawings with a bright smile on your face, “for momma!”

“Oh sweet one, thank you so so much! You are absolutely precious, thank you pretty one this is wonderful.” Larissa’s reaction made you giddy as she praised your work and littered your face with kisses all over.

“I’ll be adding this to my lovely collection, how does that sound sweetheart?” You nodded excitedly and practically jumped into her arms, snuggling up to her.

“Okay we like that idea! Can you give mama a second to get ready for bed and I’ll join you for cuddles right after?” Larissa asked, and you gasped dramatically. “How know?” “That’s mommas little secret, darling.” Truth was the second she settled into bed she noticed how you immediately cuddled up to her side, probably ready for bed. “Magic!” You giggled and nodded and reluctantly letting her go.

You busied yourself playing with your stuffies and watching tv until she came back. The ocasional yawn escaping you which she heard clearly since you were adorably loud. Which reminded her to give you a gentle reminder, “don’t rub your eyes, my little love, you could get hurt and they’ll be all puffy!” Just as you were about to. How the heck did she see you from the bathroom? Magic! It’s the only explanation to all of this.

In no time Larissa was back at your side and helping you clear out to bed, ready for sleep. The second she laid back on the bed you were quick to cuddle up to her and Larissa wrapped her arms around carefully you and let you cling to her. Thankfully it never took you long to fall asleep when you were small. Feeling comfortable and protected as Larissa held you close.

[pttwice]

hi joon :) was wondering if I cld req middle!mina having a bad day and getting into big arguments with the cgs at the dorm but getting so upset that she ends up regressing further to babyspace for the first time ever, and how they would handle mina after they start to notice.

once again thank u for taking the time to write these! hope ur staying well <3

-🐯

hiya 🐯 anon!! :) oh absolutely! we all know middle!mina can be angsty & a lil bit rebellious

minari not a baby

|| middle!mina, cg!momo, cg!jihyo ||

"Mina, I need you to help me put the babies’ shoes on, please." Momo let out a long sigh as she got the diaper bag packed while Jihyo ran back to the littles' room to get their winter jackets.

Momo and Jihyo were running late to a work party and the last thing they needed right now was Mina's attitude. They had been arguing with the middle all morning. Mina claimed she needed more independence because she was in an older headspace.

Mina argued that having to sleep with the babies when she was a middle wasn't fair and that she should be able to sleep in her own room at the dorm instead.

The argument started out small over breakfast and Momo told her they'd talk about it later. Mina hesitantly agreed, but as she tried to bring it up throughout the day, she kept getting cut off or pushed to the side.

Each time Mina tried to ask her mamas about sleeping in her own room, they had to take care of the babies. It was always about the babies and never about Mina.

Mina tried bringing it up at lunch, but they just had to spill their food all over themselves. She tried bringing it up while the babies were napping, but they just had to cry and wake up in the middle of their nap. She even tried to bring it up before Momo put them in the bath, but Chaeyoung distracted Momo by trying to eat one of the rubber bath toys.

When later finally came, Mina had even more of an attitude and was even more upset about it. She was tired of not being heard and she was tired of getting interrupted by the babies.

"I'll help you but only if you say I can sleep in my own room." Mina crossed her arms, not willing to budge at the end of the couch.

Momo let out another long sigh and shook her head. She picked Chaeyoung and Tzuyu up, setting them down on the ground to put their shoes on. "We talked about it this morning, angel. You can't-"

"No!" Mina whined, getting up off the couch. "Don't call me that! I'm not a baby!"

Momo's eyes widened at the defensive stance the middle had taken. She rushed to finish putting Tzuyu's second shoe on before she sat the babies back down on the couch.

"Mina, please don't raise your voice at me." Momo tried to stay calm, but her patience was very quickly growing thin. She didn't want to keep arguing with the middle on this, but she could tell that Mina wasn't going to stop asking about it.

"I can yell if I want to because you're not being fair!"

As soon as Jihyo heard Mina yell again, she jogged back out of the littles' room. She set the winter jackets down on the other end of the couch and stood beside Momo, arms crossed over her chest.

"Do you want to tell me why you're yelling right now, Mina?" Jihyo's tone was stern, but she was more worried than anything right now. It was rare that Mina acted out, but it seemed like today tipped the middle overboard.

"Mommy's not being fair! She won't let me sleep in my own room, but I'm big enough to do it. I don't want to be with the babies!"

Jihyo raised an eyebrow and shook her head. "Mina, we've talked about this before. You can't sleep in your own room. The last time you slept in your own room you had nightmares for a week."

"Yeah, but that's not when I'm feeling bigger. That's only when I'm feeling like a baby!" Mina shouted again, her face starting to get red from how upset she was. All she wanted was one simple thing and her mamas wouldn't even let her do that, but they'd do whatever the babies wanted. It wasn't fair at all.

"I understand that angel, but mommy and I want to be safe. It's also easier to take care of you three if you're sleeping in the same room." Jihyo tried to keep her voice calm, but it was proving to be a challenge. She wanted to put an end to the argument and get to the party they were already extremely late for.

"NO! Don't call me that!"

Jihyo's jaw dropped as did Momo's. They had never heard Mina yell that loudly in their life and it had certainly never been directed at them before.

Mina had never been so loud before, and she wasn't sure she liked it. Instead of making her feel good by letting her frustration out, all it did was make her brain get all fuzzy. Which was not a good sign right now. She absolutely did not want to regress, because that would defeat the whole point of her being independent.

It took Jihyo a second to get her bearings, but once she did, she was a little pissed. She stormed back into the littles' room with their winter jackets and hung them back up in the closet. When she came back out, she stood right in front of the middle. "None of us are going to the work party now. While mommy, the babies, and I watch a movie, you are going to sit in your room and think about the way you just acted."

Mina's lip quivered a little out of fear and a little out of the growing frustration that had been building up all day. She huffed and stomped her foot, shaking her head. "No! I don't wanna go to my room!"

Jihyo gritted her teeth, clenching and unclenching her jaw as she rubbed her fingers into her temples. "Mina I'm going to give you one more chance to either say sorry to your mommy and I, or I'm going to put you in your room myself."

Mina huffed again and sat down on the couch, aggressively kicking the edge of it with the heel of her foot.

"Myoui Mina. Stop that right now." Momo took a few steps forward, only willing to give the middle one warning. She had never seen Mina act out like this and she didn't want to be dealing with it.

Mina stopped kicking the couch, but she angrily swung her legs back and forth. The fuzzy feeling was growing stronger by the second. She closed her eyes and took a deep shaky breath. As she exhaled, she could feel her chest start to tighten and that familiar lump form in her throat.

"Mina, are you going to apologize to me and mama, or is mama going to have to put you in timeout?" Momo's voice was a little gentler but still firm.

Usually, Momo's voice was soothing to Mina's ears, but right now all she could focus on was the fuzzy feeling. It had never been like this, and she could barely understand what Momo had just said to her. Tears were starting to well up in her eyes and she was starting to panic a little.

Mentally, Mina had never felt so small. She didn't know what to do. She was still so frustrated, but her brain wouldn't let her stay big. It kept making her smaller and smaller.

"Not gonna 'pologize." Mina pouted, barely able to get any words out as she forced her tears back.

Both caregivers missed the slight change in Mina's speech as they both sighed and shook their heads. At least she wasn't yelling anymore.

Jihyo knelt down beside Mina and ran a hand through her hair before she looked at the middle. "Mina, mommy and I aren't trying to be mean or take the babies’ side. We just want you to be safe and we don't want you to have any scary dreams."

The more her mamas talked and tried to get her to understand anything, the worse Mina felt and the less she could understand. She just wanted her head to stop feeling so fuzzy and she wanted her mamas to understand what she wanted.

After a few more seconds, Mina started to cry. She furiously wiped at the steady stream of tears running down her cheeks, unable to do anything else but mumble out broken sentences.

"M-mama. No wanna be with babies. J-jus' wanna be myself."

As Mina hiccupped and cried, managing to choke out a few more broken sentences, both caregivers started to see that Mina was slipping and fast.

Jihyo's heart ached and guilt went straight to her gut. She felt awful that her baby had gotten so frustrated and upset that she was regressing even further.

Jihyo reached a gentle hand out and placed it on Mina's thigh, hoping it would calm her down. Unfortunately, this did the exact opposite. Mina couldn't take it anymore and her mama's soft hand tipped her over the edge.

Mina started sobbing and wrapped her arms around her mama's neck. Quickly, Jihyo slid onto the couch and pulled Mina into her lap, rocking them back and forth.

Mina's sobs were barely muffled as she tucked her face into Jihyo's shoulder, soaking her shirt. She didn't know what was happening and her mama made her feel safe, but she felt so icky at the same time.

//

Momo put the babies in front of the TV so she and Jihyo could focus on Mina. Once the middle had finally calmed down enough to where she wasn't gasping for air, Jihyo gently pulled her away from her shoulder.

"I'm sorry mommy and I got you so upset, Mina. We didn't mean to make you feel so bad."

Mina could barely understand what her mama was saying to her. Her mama's voice was soothing though and helped her small whimpers slow down. She had never felt so small before and she wasn't sure what to do so she just reached her hands out, opening and closing them to try and signal that she wanted her mommy to sit with her as well.

Momo understood and sat beside Jihyo, placing a gentle kiss to Mina's forehead. "Do you want to tell mommy what you're feeling right now?"

Mina waited for a few seconds and nodded. Once she started talking, everything made sense in her head, but out loud she was just babbling the same way Chaeyoung and Tzuyu were at the TV.

Jihyo and Momo quickly spared each other a surprised glance, finally realizing that Mina had slipped into a baby headspace. They had never seen her so small and as cute as it was, it only made them feel more guilty. They had worked their poor baby up enough that she was feeling extra tiny.

To test out the waters and make sure she was hearing what she thought she was hearing, Momo ran a gentle thumb over Mina's cheek. "Sweet pea, can you show mommy and mama how old you're feeling right now?"

Mina stopped her babbling and tilted her head in confusion. How old did she feel? She looked down at her hands, unsure how many fingers she was supposed to put up. After a few seconds, Mina knitted her eyebrows together in concentration and held up both of her hands. She was that many years old, she guessed.

Jihyo let out a small chuckle and shook her head. She kissed the crown of Mina's head and put her baby's hands down. "It looks like someone's feeling extra tiny right now, huh?"

Maybe her mama was right. Her head was feeling extra fuzzy, and she wasn't really sure what they were saying to her, but their voices sounded even more inviting than usual.

Mina let out a small huff and whined, scrunching up her face. She wished they understood what she was feeling, but it was getting so exhausting trying to make sense of everything anymore. All she wanted was to curl up in her mama's lap and sleep.

"Is it okay if mama changes you into your jammies, angel?" Jihyo gently brushed her fingers through Mina's hair.

Mina wanted to say no, but something in her was telling her to let go. Something told her that jammies would be warm, and she wouldn't have to be upset anymore.

Jihyo took Mina's silence and her small yawn as a yes. She lifted her baby up and carried her to her room. She picked out her favorite penguin and polar bear jammies, laying her down on the bed so she could put a diaper on her. It was a first for Mina to need a diaper, but if she was half as tiny as Chaeyoung and Tzuyu were right now, she would need it.

Jihyo finished securing the tapes and quickly swapped her baby's clothes, handing her Iggy, her most favorite penguin stuffy. Mina held Iggy close to her chest as Jihyo walked them back into the living room.

Jihyo sat down beside Momo on the couch and sat Mina in between them. Once Mina looked over and saw that her mommy was right beside her as well, she turned and buried her face into her mommy's side.

Momo let out a small laugh and wrapped her arm around her baby, patting her bottom gently. She looked up to Jihyo and pointed to her bottom, whispering, "Diaper?"

Jihyo nodded and pointed to Chaeyoung and Tzuyu who had been glued to the TV the entire time. "If she's even remotely as small as they are, I'd rather have her in a diaper than risk an accident."

Momo nodded in agreement and turned her attention to her baby tucked into her side. Mina's breathing was starting to go back to normal as she rubbed one of Iggy's flippers against her face. She hadn't even noticed that her mama grabbed a pacifier from her drawer, but the second she felt it against her lips, she opened her mouth, sucking gently.

Mina had never felt so little before, but it didn't feel terrible. She was still a little upset with her mamas, but she was quickly letting her body relax and her thoughts slow down. She had her mommy's arm wrapped around her, Iggy in her arms, and her mama gently patting her bottom. She could worry about being a big girl a different time.

[lyramundana]

Hello! Your request of Bang Chan being jealous/controlling is set to be written in August.

But since we are both a lover of soft smut, can I pls request inexperienced reader with Chan? Just something comforting and sweet.

Thank you :)

I'm incredibly, tremendously sorry for the long waiting. I'm the queen of procrastinating and I had zero ideas of how to proceed with this one, but mostly it was procrastinating. I'm not confident on writing soft smut scenes, but I'll try my best here:

Again, sorry for the waiting, and I hope this turned out decently. It's been on my drafts for a long while, but I never found the headspace to finish it:

When you were first starting to get to know Christopher, it was obvious he was experienced in that field, which made you slightly insecure about your own lack of it and it worried you that he might had find you less desirable.

Surprisingly, not only he was very understanding and sweet about it, but he seemed to want you even more.

He gladly took over everything. If you weren't sure, he guided you through it with his gentle voice and safe hands. Needless to say, your first time with him was mindblowing and better than you could've ever imagined. In fact, you enjoyed it so much that you felt yourself growing addicted to it.

You never thought you could grow so needy and horny for a man, and it made you feel a bit embarrassed sometimes, but he made clear how much he loved it.

You come home after an awful day. Everything seemed to go the opposite way of what you wanted, and added to the sexual frustration you are already carrying, you are beyond stressed. Your boyfriend is there, waiting for you to arrive, and as soon as he notices your mood, he hops you in his arms to comfort you.

-Hey, babygirl. What happened? Do I need to beat up someone? -he caressed your hair, kissing your forehead as he spoke in his gentle, loving voice. You felt yourself melt in his arms and the stress slowly leaving you.

-Just a bad day, that's all. I'm so sick of everything. -you murmur with your face buried in his shirt, and you happened to feel his strong pecks right under it.

Your skin feels hotter and it has nothing to do with the weather.

He rubbed your back, soothingly.

-You know what, baby? How about we take a long, warm bath and you try to relax? And maybe you can tell me about your day -he said as he left a kiss on the top of your head.

You stilted in his arms, lookin up with big doe eyes. A bath sounded great indeed...until you realized he intended to take it with you.

You would die.

And that's how minutes later, you found yourself buried in the warm water that reached your shoulders, with Chris' chest against your back and his arms surrounding your torso. Sometimes, his fingers draw circles on your sides and it drove you mad. How long has it been since your last intimate time together, after all? Weeks? A month?

-Try to relax, baby. I can see the steam coming out of your ears -he spoke against your temple. - You've been tense since I hugged you. Is it something I did?

-No, love. It's not about you. - well, partially yes, but it wasn't the main problem. - Its just..it feels like i'm doomed. No matter how hard I try or how much I improve myself, things go the opposite of how I want them to. I know i'm trying my best, but it doesn't feel enough. -you choked halfway through the words and you sniffed back your tears.

Your boyfriend was in silence for a bit. He pulled you closer to him as he noticed the strain in your voice.

-Oh, baby, it's okay. I understand what it's like, i've been there too. -he laid his head on top of yours, sighing. - It's fucking frustrating, I know, but we have to accept that, sometimes, it doesn't matter how hard we work, some stuff are out of our control and there are things we can't prevent. You're human, love, so you have limits. Don't be so harsh on yourself. -he kissed your neck- for what it's worth, you're more than enough in my eyes. You're perfect.

Your heart was melting as he said that, wanting to cry again but this time out of love. You can't know what you did to deserve for this man to devote himself to you, but you hope it lasts forever.

-I missed being with you like this - you muttered, looking up to him to kiss the corner of his mouth. He smiled and then kissed your lips, sucking your lower lip teasingly. You whined. - Don't do this to me, Christopher, or else..

-Or else what? Tell me, babygirl - he said with an annoyingly sexy grin. His hands descended slowly down to your hips, fingers brushing your inner thighs at times.

You gasped, grabbing his hands to stop them.

-Chris, please..

-What was the last time you had an orgasm, sweet thing? -your grip did nothing to him, as he continued tracing lines inside your thighs, now with his lips brushing your neck.

-I..dont't recall. Last month, I think? I don't know! -you cried as he started to drift closer to your core.

-Oh? You haven't been taking care of yourself, you mean? You know I don't like that, babe -he sounded serious now, pinching your skin to make your squeal.

-I know, it's just...-shit, you couldn't believe you were gonna say it. - I can't...only you can make me feel good. I don't know how do it without you!

His motions stopped suddenly and you whined at the loss. Before you could protest, he turned your whole body until you were facing him, sitting directly in his lap. You felt how hard he was and the words died in your throat.

-Fuck, baby, you can't say that shit to me like it's nothing. - he lunged at your neck and bite the skin harshly, making you moan as he left a mark. -You're so good for me. My good girl, who can't even pleasure herself without my help. You need me, don't you?

You struggled to find your voice with the sudden change of events.

-Y-yes -you gasped when his head brushed your clit. - I don't know-fuck-what to do without you.

His expression softened for a moment, right before acquiring a calculating gaze in his eyes.

-I hate it when you neglect yourself, pretty, but I understand you couldn't help it. I fuck you so good your little hand just can't compare, right? - he closed his eyes as he kept grinding your hips against his. -And you've been busy lately, haven't you? Poor baby must been so stressed. -he took your nipple in his mouth, licking and twirling it in his tongue, making you whimper and grip his shoulders. -You deserve a reward

You gulped. Last time he said you ended up cumming five times in a row, shaking in his sheets and under his mercy.

He raised your hips, lowering you slowly down his raging cock. You sighed at the sensation, throwing your head back. You felt so deliciously full. God, you've missed him so much, missed this. He let out a hiss once he was fully inside you, burying his face in your shoulders and nibbling the skin. When he attempted to roll your hips unto his, you whined and stopped him.

-Shit, Chris, give me a second. You're so big. - you wrapped his neck with your arms and laid your forehead against his, letting him feel your heavy breath.

-My size hasn't changed, baby, but maybe your pussy has forgotten about me. -he chuckled, caressing your cheek. - Guess we'll have to fix that.

You clenched around his lenght with those words and he groaned.

-Please, do. -you begged him, hiding your face in his neck out, flustered. -Fuck the stress away, Daddy. Fuck me until I can't think anymore.

He tensed under you. Holy shit, he was a breath away of wrecking you until you were crying out loud, but had to remind himself this was about you, about making you feel better. He closed his eyes forcefully, taking a deep breath to not fall for his instincts.

-Say less, my love. Let Daddy take care of everything, mm? -his vouce sounded deeper now, tender.

He gripped your hips and began to guide you up and down his lenght. It was a slow, steady pace, but it got you moaning in his chest at the so craved friction. His teeth traced your neck softly, leaving purple marks as he pulled your hair to make more room for his mouth. His hands lowered down to your ass cheeks, squeezing them as he thrusted into you.

You began to bounce unconsciously against him, doing your best to keep up with him. You moaned as his hips shifted and found another angle to hit you deeper, making you tremble in his hold. God, he made you feel so good, your eyes growing glassy.

His movements haltered once he heard you sniff.

-Babygirl? What is it? Want to stop? - you panicked and kept grinding against him.

-No! Don't stop, please - tears flowed your vision. You hugged him tightly, sniffing in his neck. - It's just..you don't know know much I missed this. I haven't stopped aching for you since the last time, but I didn't know how to tell without sounding desesperate and I.. - he silenced with your his lips, swallowing your next words. He bit your lower lip gently and pulled a bit before letting you go.

-My pretty, perfect baby, what did I do to deserve you? -he covered your face in kisses as he fastened his thrusts, making you whimper in surprise and pleasure. - You couldn't ever sound desesperate to me. I'll drop anything to give you what you need, so please, don't refrain yourself like that. -he toyed with your nipples again, making you moan loudly. - I'm here for you, princess. It's my job and biggest joy to give you what you want. -he groaned as you clenched around him again. - Now, let's fuck the stres out of you.

You went on like this for a while, with a quick but gentle pace. Your sounds of pleasure filling the room, for whoever happened to hear them. You needed this more than him, this relief and comfort only he could give you. His words encouraged you to just take what you needed.

The knot started to form in your stomach and you still reacted like the first time, eyes wide open and body tense as you took in the incredible sensation. Like he could feel it, his fingers drifted to your clit and began to rub it expertly, helping you chase your high. He felt his own climax come at him violently as he watched the addicting sight of you cumming with a high-pitched scream for him, because of him.

His other hand pulled your face closer by the neck and smashed your lips together, swallowing your beautiful moans as he kept thrusting his hips up roughly. You clenched again and he had to throw his back at the feeling, a deep moan escaping his lips.

-Fuck fuck FUCK! - he pressed his forehead in the conjucture of your neck. You whimpered as you felt his warm seed filling you, and he grabbed your hips with an iron vice grip, moving you to milk out the last drop of his climax - Take it, babygirl, fucking take it.

You rolled your eyes and let yourself fall entirely unto his hold. With a deep breath, he adjusted his position and laid his head back on the bathub wall. He massaged your back and left you occasional kisses on your face, his softening dick tupped inside you, preventing his cum from leaking out.

You basked in the silence for a few minutes, your breathing eventually going back to normal. Your head felt all mushy and your body completely relaxed. Everything was good, the world set itself right back again.

You stood there until the water grew cold, you growing sleepy with his cuddles and him watching you with a soft smile, pure and raw love sparkling in your eyes.

[mint-yooxgi]

Broken People - Dragon!Hongjoong X Reader

Dragon AU

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Pairing: Hongjoong X Reader

Words: 2,044

Warnings: Mental Illness: Depression, talks of loneliness, insecurities. Not edited, sorry.

A/n: I was in a really weird headspace this evening, and this is what became of it. I was mainly listening to Screen by Twenty One Pilots when I can up with this idea, and it’s just me writing out a comfort for myself when I get like this. So, I hope it can be a small comfort to others as well. I hope you enjoy.

“Can you come over?” The words sound foreign, even to your own ears as you speak them into your phone.

A moments’ pause as he can sense something is off just from your tone alone.

“Of course,” Hongjoong replies. “Is everything okay?”

“I- uh… yeah,” you let out a long sigh through your nose. “I’ll explain when you get here.”

“Alright,” he blinks. “I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

“Okay.” Even your confirmation doesn’t sound as chipper as you usually are. A fact which makes his worry skyrocket tenfold.

You end the call.

Tossing your phone beside you on the bed, you continue to stare at your ceiling. It’s just one of those nights. A night where your mental state takes a slow, downwards spiral, and no matter what you do, you cannot help but just feel empty inside. Not quite to the point of dissociating, or feeling completely numb, but enough that doing anything feels like a chore. Even the usual things you do to help you get out of your funk aren’t helping, leading you to lay upside down on your bed and stare at the ceiling like you have been for the past hour.

That’s when you decided to call him.

Hongjoong has been one of your closest friends for as long as you can remember. You can still recall the day he told you what he was, your awe filled gaze staring at him in wonder. Dragons aren’t unusual in the society you live in, but unless they’re a public figure or a celebrity, having them reveal themselves to a human can be considered a monumental event.

He trusts you, and you trust him. That’s all there is to it. At least, that’s what he told you.

Which is exactly why when this mood of yours didn’t improve after an hour, even as you did whatever you could to distract yourself, you called him. He’s always been there for you when you need him, and you’ve always been there for him. No questions asked.

He makes it to your place in fifteen.

As soon as he walks into your room to see the state you’re in, his brow furrows even more in worry.

“What’s the matter, Treasure?” There’s nothing but concern in his voice as Hongjoong sits on the edge of your bed.

“I just-“ You sit up, heaving another long sigh as your eyebrows droop. You can’t even meet his gaze. “Not feeling the greatest, is all.”

Reaching a hand out, he lightly rubs his hand over the side of your arm in comfort. “What has you so down? Is something on your mind?”

This is not the first time Hongjoong has helped you through a depressive episode. Nor will it be his last. Not that he’d ever mind. Not when it’s you, and especially not when you’re feeling like this.

“Nothing really,” you admit, fiddling with your own fingers in your lap. “I’m just-“ your voice catches slightly, “I know it’s stupid, but I’m just feeling so lonely, Hongjoong. I just feel empty inside.”

Immediately, he wraps you in his arms, pulling you into his embrace.

“I feel like there’s this hole in my chest, like there’s something missing, and I don’t know what to do to fill it,” you continue. “I know what I selfishly want to fill it, but it’s just unrealistic. Or, well, I know I shouldn’t particularly be thinking like this, but it’s just so hard not to.”

“What is it that you want to fill this void, Treasure?” He asks softly, keeping his tone low so as not to pressure you.

You blink, a sense of what appears to be shame washing over you as you curl in on yourself in his arms. Then, you speak, voice a mere whisper on your lips. “A lover.”

The way his breath hitches is slight, but you can still feel the way he stiffens slightly as he continues to hold you in his embrace.

“I’m sorry,” you’re quick to apologize. “I shouldn’t be dumping this on you. Forget I even said anything, it’s stupid, anyways. Thanks for coming over.”

You go to move out of his hold, but his grip on you only tightens, keeping you in place.

“It’s not stupid if it’s bothering you,” he replies, keeping his gaze locked on the top of your dresser. One item in particular catches his eye. “I’m here to listen if you want to talk.”

You’re quiet for a moment, and Hongjoong almost believes that your stubbornness will refuse to let your speak. However, as soon as he feels you lean further into his embrace, he knows that you’re about to tell him everything that’s currently on your mind.

“I-“ you begin, cutting yourself off as you swallow thickly. “I’ve never had someone to call my own.”

The admission feels like a condemnation as soon as the words escape your lips in a hushed tone.

“I know there’s such an emphasis on being single and happy, or not needing someone else to feel complete, but I just can’t help but want someone. I can’t even say I know what I’m missing, but there are times where I just-“ your voice catches. “There are times where I just want to be held. Where I want someone who is in love with me to cradle me to their chest and tell me that everything will be okay. I want to know what it’s like to be loved and cared for like a lover would.”

“There’s this ache in my chest, Hongjoong, and I can’t help but think that it might just go away if I had somebody to love,” a silent tear begins to trail a path down your cheek, falling onto his shoulder and soaking into the material of his shirt. “It’s selfish, I know. But it’s just so difficult when I see everyone around me in relationships, or saying I don’t need someone when they have a person of their own to call theirs. I’m just tired of being alone.”

Slowly, his hand begins to stroke tenderly along your back, tracing the curve of your spine with every movement. Still, his eyes never leave that one item on top of your dresser.

“And I feel so stupid,” you laugh humourlessly. “Me, spewing my ideals about soulmates to you of all people before I even knew what you were.”

That small, smooth seashell he gifted you two weeks ago almost glares mockingly back at him now.

“I guess I’m just so desperate to be loved that I’ll believe in anything.”

Never before has Hongjoong heard you sound so broken.

“I just want somebody, Hongjoong,” you sniff. “I’m tired of being alone.”

A moment of silence passes over the both of you as Hongjoong lets your words sink in.

“You’re not alone, Treasure.” He voices gently, hand still tracing along your spine softly. “You will always have me.”

“I don’t mean to sound like I’m invalidating your friendship-“

“No, that’s not what I meant.” He shakes his head, chuckling lightly. “Tell me, My Jewel, does that hollowness in your chest still pain you so greatly while I’m around?”

“Hongjoong, I don’t understand.”

“Please,” he pulls away the slightest bit to stare deeply into your eyes. There’s a hint of nervousness to his tone now, one which you do not understand. “Answer the question, My Jewel.”

You blink, feeling the way your heartbeat accelerates the longer he continues staring at you like he is. “No. It doesn’t.”

“There is a reason for that.” He smiles faintly.

“I still don’t follow.” You shake your head.

“I know how you think, Treasure, and I know that ever since I confirmed that soulmates were real in a sense, you didn’t want to get your hopes up.” Hongjoong says, a sort of sadness taking over his features. “You always seem to want to believe in these things, but you never believe they can actually be for you.”

“How would you know?” Your reply is nothing short of defensive, crossing your arms over your chest.

“You think I cannot tell when my own mate is in destress?” He sends you a knowing look, brow quirked and all.

Your reaction is immediate: eyes widening as your mouth parts in utter shock. “Excuse me?”

“This is not the way I planned on telling you,” he leans back slightly on your bed, hands supporting him behind his back. Tilting his head up, he stares at your ceiling. “I wanted a chance to properly court you first before I dumped that little tidbit of information on you. I didn’t want to you to feel like I was forcing you into anything, given your ideals on the topic, and the connotations it can have. Besides, I didn’t want you to think our friendship was because of this fact. No, this bond appeared because of our friendship.”

Despite it all, one piece of information sticks out more than the others in your mind. “Court me?”

Again, his gaze falls upon that shell resting atop of your dresser.

“I have already started, you know,” he chuckles.

“You have?” The surprise is clear in your voice as you blink at him in shock.

“I don’t usually give pieces of my collection to just anyone.” He hums, motioning lightly with his head towards your dresser.

That’s when your own gaze finally falls upon the shell resting there. Not just any old seashell. His absolute favourite shell of all time. A piece of his vast collection, of which he gifted to you.

“Oh,” a faint heat begins to rise to your cheeks as the meaning behind such a gift washes over you fully. “I didn’t realize.”

At the time, you thought nothing of it. He’s gifted other small shells to his closest friends before, so you just believed it to be him doing the same for you. Then again, given the importance of the shell he gave you, you should have realized sooner.

“I can tell,” he chuckles lowly once more. “I don’t expect anything to come by this right now, and I’m not telling you this to try and take advantage of you in such a vulnerable state.”

“I know you, Hongjoong, and I know you would never do such a thing.” You smile faintly, assuring him in your own way for the moment. “Least of all to me.”

“Good.” He returns your smile softly, a subtle nod to his head. “I just want you to know, that you are not alone. Even if things were different, and I did not have such strong emotions towards you in such a sense, I would still be here for you. I understand that hollowness you feel, for I felt that every day until I felt that bond between us settle into place. I am here for you, in whatever ways I can be, and although I may not be who you have in mind, I can and will be the one to hold you, and fill that void in your heart as much as I can.”

Cautiously, Hongjoong raises his hands to your face. His touch is nothing but tender as he cups your cheeks in his palms, thumbs gently brushing over your skin as he stares deeply into your eyes, wiping away your lingering tears.

“I will do whatever you ask of me, Treasure,” he voices lowly, the sincerity bleeding into every word, “for I am already so deeply in love with you, that I never want you to feel this way again.”

Your breath hitches, whole body stilling beneath his touch.

“I understand you might not feel the same for me, and we can discuss how we move forward together later, but please,” his fingers press a little firmer against the sides of your face, cradling you gently, “tell me what to do, and I will do it. No questions asked.”

“Hongjoong,” the way you breathe his name has his heart racing uncontrollably in his chest. “Will you stay with me? Just stay with me, and hold me in your arms for tonight. That’s all I ask.”

His expression softens, nothing but fondness and care shining within his gaze as he smiles softly, nodding once. “I can do that.”

[v3nusxsky]

Tysm!!

I thought about a slightly AU, modern world but with magic. Domme Lady Lesso bored in a BDSM club (maybe sitting in the bar having a drink) and sub f!reader trying to gain her attention to serve her!

Mistress kink, Sadistic Lady Lesso, humiliation/degradation kink, impact play (maybe caning?), consensual slut shaming, orgasm denial, overstimulation ❤️

Bar Beauty|NSFW

*Authors note~ BDSM is like one of my favourite things to write about I'm ngl so I was super excited for this slightly au*

Trigger warnings~ mistress kink, sadistic lesso sub r humiliation/degradation kink impact play slut shaming orgasm denial overstimulation spit kink, public sex restraints r suspended slight in air toys

Prompt~ see ask^^^^

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

Leonora definitely had a stressful job, that much was evident, it was hard to keep a bunch of unruly boarding students in check and her methods were certainly not favourable but they worked. A lot of the time her job left her pent up and craving a way to relieve some of the frustration. Which is exactly how she found herself stumbling into this bar called Happy Hours -teasing y'all with this- watching someone do their scene and nursing her whiskey. She was purely just watching the scene with a keen eye, the poor submissive wasn't really seeming to enjoy the dominants actions, either to rough or not enough which caused a smirk to settle on the red heads lips as she made mental notes of all the things she could do to make the woman scream.

You however were hoping to find a dominant with the ability to put you in your place, scanning the club you noticed her unruly red hair and the sadistic smirk she wore as she watched the submissive on stage be punished. Everything about her, from the way she held herself to the way she looked you knew you just have to have her, or rather her to have you. It became more of a need than a want as the night trickled on. Desperately hoping she'd notice your attempts at gaining her attention.

Luckily for you, Leonora had caught a glance of you sucking on the lime of your drink. Your eyes glazed over with alcohol buzzing around in your system swirling with a beautiful emerald colour. A clear witch is what you were and that only drew Leonora to you more. So naturally she stalked towards you, purred some seductive words in your ear that had you begging the woman to let you serve here, to take her frustration of her day out on you. Of course Lesso wasn't going to accept that proposal until you god to know one another and limits that you both had. Only then if both of you were agreeable would she take you up on the stage and fuck you like the slut she can tell you are.

After a few drinks and some pleasant conversation between you both you soon found yourself begging again for her to use you. So you found yourself up ok the stage, slipping into your sub headspace, kneeling at her feet. A pleased smirk adorned her lips at the act but she wasn't about to be lenient on you tonight.  She stalked around you like you were prey, completely ignoring you and addressing the crowd forming bellow the stage, "this little slut has been desperately trying to get my attention all night. So why don't you watch her get her punishment for being nothing but a desperate whore."

"Strip slut" she demanded not even sparing you a glance as you whimpered a simple, "yes mistress." A pleased hum escaped the red head as she thought of all the things she could do with her precious little slutty toy. With a hand in your hair she tugged you to your feet and shoved you on the fuchsia sofa. "You're gonna lay here and take your punishment, move or stop counting you'll get five more", her eyes raking over your bare back.

When the first wack hit the curve of your ass you let out a strangled cry of shock, "one mistress!" The next came in a quick succession causing you to sob. Her pattern was changing all the time being spurred on by the dominants watching the show. Only when Leonora deemed you had enough hits to constitute for being a slut did she drop the cane and flip you over immediately. She ignored your cry of pain as your ass and back hit the material. You deserved your canning and she knew you knew that your pain was getting her off. A vibe was securely attached to your aching clit, "look at how wet you've gotten by a simple canning you slutty pet."

The vibrator was set to a preset edging pattern before she stripped her bottom half of her clothing to straddle your face. "Put that slutty mouth to some good use darling, spread your legs, let them see how wet you are for your mistress" which you did happily as you liked to be humiliated. You happily began to lick at her sopping cunt causing the woman to moan happily. You flickered between tongue fucking her hole as your nose bumped against her swollen clit and flicking your tongue over her throbbing bud. If didn't take long for you to be reward with a gush of wetness. You had your orgasm ripped away from you four times before she came so to say you weren't bellow begging at this point is an understatement.

You were laid on the sofa as she told you to open your mouth which you did so allowing the red head to spit in your mouth. "Take it and swallow it all pet." While you were busy whimpering in need to notice that she had taken the toy from your clit and managed to secure some restraints to your limbs and suspend you a little from the sofa. "Now anyone who wants to challenge me and think they can come and dumb down my slut is more than welcome to look at her like this, exposed and taken as I fuck her with my fingers" Leonora stated before she shoved three fingers into your fluttering hole. You howled in need begging her for mercy to please let you cum buy of course that feel on deaf ears. You were edged on her finger before Leonora donned her strap on.

"No mistress, no more. To sensitive please" you whined only to be ignored. The slight suspension providing a new angle as she rutted into you with her faux dick. Tears streaming down your face at your ruined orgasms and her brutal pace. There wasn't much you could do but take her like a slut you are. "Please please I'm sorry please Leo mistress please" you babbled as her strong thrust triggered your orgasm to crash into you. The audience got to see her pass out from the strength of pleasure and pain Leonora caused.

You were left to rock slightly until you naturally stopped. Then she lowered you to the sofa before scooping up your body and taking you into a private room. There she cleaned you up and got you food and water before sitting down to give you whatever physical attention you needed. The start of a beautiful relationship, bloomed from that one night at Happy Hours.

Word count~ 1246

[flurrys-creativity]

Hey can I request a Junmyeon fic we’re his a big fan of red velvet and his idol girlfriend gets extremely jealous and insecure because she never sees him cheer or fan boy over her group and thinks she likes them more than her and also feel insecure and not good enough next to Irene and they get in a fight and he gets defensive offer Irene and they fight but he soon regrets it and the boys and her group members try to get them to make up. 😂😂 this is a crazy idea but I thought it is good I love Junmyeon and Irene they have a good friendship I wish I had a friendship like that 😭anyways you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to I understand🥰

Half a year later and I actually had some time and headspace to write this. It also got longer than I thought. And helped me to get out of a current slump. So I am thankful. Please enjoy and tell me what you think!

Jealousy

Pairing: Kim Junmyeon/Suho (EXO) x Fem!Reader; Genre: idol au, established relationship au, romance, angst, fluff; Rating: sfw, pg-13; Warnings: jealousy, a verbal fight, mentions of the press being the press; Wordcount: 1.753

Summary: You had sworn to yourself not to be jealous, yet seeing Junmyeon going crazy whenever it came to Irene and her group but being seemingly passive when it came to you and your group, you couldn’t help but feel the roaring green monster inside of you.

Your stomach grumbled silently and you placed a hand over it, hoping you’d be able to eat soon. Yet, you knew the award show would be going on for a little longer. Half of the groups hadn’t performed yet and yours was one of them.

A newly debuted group currently performed their song - a soulful ballad - which had lots of other idols swaying their bodies to the tune.

Your eyes wandered around the darkened area. The brightly lit stage was surrounded with tables and seating arrangements for every invited group. Cameramen walked between them to film some reactions, reminding you that even off stage you had an image to maintain.

When your eyes landed on the table of EXO a small smile creeped up on your lips. The members joked around by reacting overly touched to the song, trying everything to keep their snickering at bay.

Junmyeon leaned back with a grin on his face and simply watched Baekhyun lip syncing dramatically. As if he noticed your gaze on him, he turned his head and looked at you. 

When he winked at you with one eye you had to break eye contact, hoping the heat crawling up your neck and to your face wouldn’t be visible. Especially since you’d be soon up on stage with your own group.

On cue a staff member notified your table to move backstage. 

With one last glance towards Junmyeon and a soft smile, you followed your members through the dark and behind the stage.

Soon enough your group got announced and you moved on to the stage, waiting for the music to start. Your eyes automatically searched for EXO’s table again, wondering whether Junmyeon cheered for you like your fans did already.

The smile plastered on your lips since you stepped on the stage almost wavered when you noticed he didn’t even pay any attention to your group. Throughout the whole performance you used every chance you got to look into his direction, hoping - no begging - he’d cheer for you at one point.

You breathed heavily once the song ended, standing in your ending position and glancing one last time at Junmyeon. You smiled weakly, seeing he at least joined the final applause.

Back behind the stage you met Red Velvet, who waited on their cue. You and all your members bowed to them, wishing them luck for the performance.

While the rest of your group moved to the changing rooms, you stayed behind - a nasty feeling bugging you.

As Red Velvet moved on the stage, you peered through the curtains. Your jaw tensed when you saw Junmyeon standing up and applauding them for simply coming on to the stage. Rooted in place, you watched him throughout the whole performance. With every cheer and every shout coming out of his mouth, your heart broke a little more. 

You knew Junmyeon was friends with Irene for a long time already. Yet, you still hoped he would cheer his own girlfriend on just as much if not even more. But the case was the absolute opposite.

You broke out of your stupor and hurried to the changing rooms. Thankfully your members didn’t question why you were late and - if they noticed - your dull mood.

Once you got back out of the room, about to return to your table with your group, Junmyeon waited for you in front. You stopped in your tracks and simply stared at him without saying a word.

Junmyeon smiled and came closer to you as soon as your members went aside to give you two some room. “You were awesome on stage.” He grabbed your hands and drew circles onto your skin.

“Are you sure you’re saying this to the right person?”

Junmyeon froze upon hearing your cold tone. He looked at you with concern layering his features, finally noticing the distant look in your eyes. “What do you mean?”

“Don’t you want to say that to the person you actually cheered on? Red Velvet’s changing room is in that direction.” You pointed to your right, eyes following your finger. 

“I wanted to tell my girlfriend.” Junmyeon barely brought any words out, too stunned by your almost hostile behaviour towards him.

You turned your head back to him, tilting it slightly to one side. “Are you sure that is me? I don’t really feel like your girlfriend when I see you paying attention to anything but my performance and at the same time you go crazy when Irene is on stage. Maybe she should be your girlfriend instead!”

Junmyeon finally composed himself and shook his head, anger flaring up inside of him. “You know full well there is nothing between Irene and me.”

“I said maybe there should be!”

“Don’t be ridiculous! Irene and I are friends! Simply friends! You know that! The public knows that too! Unlike with our relationship! I know we’re not actively keeping it secret but not having the press on my back because of it, is something I want to maintain. So excuse ME for not publicly being all over you.”

You scoffed and crossed your arms in front of your chest. “So paying attention to my group performing is being publicly all over me? Me asking you to cheer for my group is already too much? Fine. But then don’t come here and tell me I was awesome when I know you haven’t even watched! Go and say the same thing to Irene. There we all know it won’t be a lie.”

“Maybe I’ll do that!” Junmyeon spat, barely holding his anger back now. He ran his hands through his hair and glared down at you.

“Good”, you hissed and pushed against his chest, going past him and to your group.

Your members were shell-shocked and stared at you with a mixture of worry and fear. Some of them even looked over your shoulder towards Junmyeon.

You motioned for your members to move back to your table, ignoring their glances and questions. As an idol you were professional enough to not break down just yet. You’d have enough time once you’d be back at the dorm.

On your way back you passed the rest of the EXO members going backstage. They greeted you but you ignored them as you still were out of sight of the cameras. Even though you knew they had nothing to do with it, you just couldn’t react to them as of now.

Junmyeon still stood in front of the changing room, staring at the closed door with empty eyes. Ever so slowly the realisation of what just happened dawned on him. Regret filled his insides but he couldn’t just run after you. Not here.

A hand on his shoulder brought him back to the present. He turned his head and noticed his group surrounding him, Sehun having his hand on his shoulder and raising an eyebrow in silent question.

“I think I made a mistake”, Junmyeon whispered and closed his eyes. He swallowed the bail of nausea crawling up his throat back down and inhaled deeply in order to keep himself calm.

You sat down on your chair again and pointedly stared at the stage, forcing your lips to form a soft smile for any cameras that might be turned towards you. Still, your eyes showed how empty you felt just now.

When EXO appeared on stage you desperately wanted to look away but knew that would draw even more suspicion. So you stayed in your position and simply kept staring at the stage.

“You need to talk to him again”, one of your group members whispered to you, getting your attention. “Both of you look awful after what happened.”

Your eyes focused on Junmyeon on stage. He looked professional - just how you looked professional too. “I don’t think I can”, you murmured, more to yourself than to your members.

“Of course you can!”

“Just go backstage! If anyone asks, you need to go to the restrooms.”

“Go and talk to him!”

You sighed deeply and shook your head. Your members were right. Even though you didn’t really want to talk to him right now, still feeling some of your anger, you had to go through with it. Sighing once more, you finally stood up and excused yourself.

Junmyeon noticed immediately that you stood up and left the table, having looked at you whenever he could during the performance. While you had looked at the stage and probably saw the performance, he got what you meant with not cheering for you. 

As soon as the last tone of the song cleared out and the moderator stepped back on the stage, Junmyeon hurried away. You hadn’t returned to your table yet and Sehun, as well as the others, had told him to speak to you once the performance was over. Therefore Junmyeon hoped you’d still be backstage, making the whole talking to you a lot easier.

Junmyeon came to a halt when he saw you standing opposite from the backstage entrance. He walked over to you hesitantly as he couldn’t believe you had been waiting for him.

“You looked professional out there.”

He laughed dryly and shook his head. “You also looked professional at your table. But I don��t want you to look professional.”

“Neither do I.”

Junmyeon held one of his hands out for you, silently begging you to take it. When you placed your hand in his and even stepped closer to him, a stone fell from his heart and it suddenly felt like he could breathe again. “It’s not too much asking me to cheer for you”, he whispered as he stared at your connected hands, drawing circles into your skin again. “But I swear I didn’t ignore your performance. You really were awesome out there!”

You moved even closer to him, leaning against his chest and nuzzling into him. “I’m also sorry for my jealous ass behaviour back there.”

Junmyeon shook his head and wrapped his arms around your form, holding you tightly. “No, you had every right to feel that. It was my fault for thinking I shouldn’t cheer you on so the press won’t know that I’m in love with you.”

You snickered softly. “I’d say you’re ridiculous to think the press would come to that conclusion, but sadly they are that delusional to say just that.”

“And I don’t mind”, Junmyeon told you, kissing the top of your head, “you’re my girlfriend and I won’t deny nor hide my love for you any longer.”

“I love you too.”

© all rights reserved

Taglist: @xavi-in-kpopland

[pedrospatch]

Hey anon, high school bully behavior is anonymously bullying someone, something that YOU are doing.

This type of behavior is what drives people off of tumblr. Why more and more people pack it up and move to ao3 only or quit writing entirely. Keep it up, anon. Watch what happens, what’s already happening.

If you have an issue with someone, handle it like an adult. Not whatever this crap is. What did you think would happen, sending that rude message? That everyone would say oh yeah, this dumbass coward hiding behind an anonymous message is right. What a hero! They’re braver than all of us, bullying Vee online. Christ reincarnated. But you won’t do that, will you?

In the time it took to decide to send a rude message to someone, decide what that message would be, search for Vee’s tumblr, go into her inbox and type it up and press send, you could have done anything else and it would’ve been better. You could’ve said something nice to a friend (assuming you have any. I suppose imaginary ones count, as sad as that is) , you could have taken a few deep breaths. Perhaps made yourself a snack and calmed down. I think best of all, you could have (and should have) shut the fuck up. Never underestimate the value of shutting your mouth, anon. It’s a precious gift.

I hope someone does this shit to you and you can know how it feels. You’re clearly lacking empathy and it’d do you well to learn some. I’ll start you off with two pieces advice - If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Treat others how you want to be treated.

Vee, you are invaluable to this community and you’re worth so much more than you could ever ever know. I hope you know the positive impact you’ve had on me as an individual and countless fucking others, as well as tumblr as a whole. This flaming asshole will only ever be that - a flaming, electrified asshole. A pimple on the ass of the universe. You are a brilliant creator, friend, and member of this community. So much more than whoever this troglodyte is. I know you’re hurting, and I’m hurting for you. I hope you can heal soon. Do something nice for yourself tonight because you deserve it. You deserve it every night.

...i may or may not have had to google the term troglodyte

nonnie, thank you for your kindness, first of all. my emoji tab on my laptop decided she wanted to stop working, so here is this heart for you <33

it's kind of too late to tell you not to waste your own energy in regards to that anon, but really, let's just let them be. i've already wasted enough energy for all of us, and i really, really wish that i had been in a better headspace when that dumb ask was dropped into my inbox. if i had been, i would have just kept sipping my smoothie and writing my silly little story, which is what i had been doing when the notification came in lmao.

they caught me on a night i was already hurting, so naturally, their opinion of me did indeed hurt my feelings, and it sucks, but all the love i have gotten has certainly kept me from crawling into a hole and for that i am grateful. i think i shall take your advice and do something nice for myself tonight. <3

[dollhouseirl]

((A slight palette change for Ms. Doctor Pravd and a chance to spend a little more time in her headspace for more writing ahead of my VN's release. Art assets are coming together so I swear something new will be here soon.)) "There now! That's MUCH better~" After the incident in the old laboratory, a change of clothes had been necessitated. These sorts of, let's call them, chemical reactions were no danger to her but her wardrobe had not tasted of the same story that she had. In fact, Pravd was rather certain, fairly certain, certain enough to shelve the thought, that wardrobes did not taste of stories at all. 'Note to self,' she thought, 'Give a wardrobe a reason to live.' The purpose would of course be to revoke it, harass it, make it rue the day it had ever acquired such a thing (for SCIENCE, if you can believe it). There would be a whole process, a theorem, everything would be trim and proper. She would likely have to twist the universe's arm or find some arm of some kind to twist but she was becoming quite the interdimensional debutante. "I am the belle of the ball," she mused with a smile. "I am the queen bee although they do not know it yet." Pravd giggled with an almost innocent glee. They soon would and these colors she now wore would help impress it upon them. 'I wear any colors well,' she thought, 'but these put everyone on notice: bow before your new girlboss icon queen and stan or be slain.' Words were sparking in her mind. The reaction. It had revealed something to her. She'd seen something that intrigued her and could swear it had a kind of familiarity to her. 'Like a place I would certainly know how to find if I'd...goodness, hehehe, haha, aaaaaaaaahaha! I mean, I'd had to have known it existed? 'YASSSSS KWEEN'? I can't tell if you'd kill whoever came up with that or kill to be it that's a lie I could easily opt for both forms of killing ;)' Something was taking shape in her head. A plan of sorts. A diversion. Her true aim would take time; it was not quite ripe yet. Perhaps she herself, star of this show though she was, was not ripe yet either. "I have decided," Pravd said, moving to the door of the old lab without physically moving at all ('space is a suggestion to me; i cannot ignore it but it knows i'm dead serious'), "I am about to become HORRIFYINGLY annoying. I think we will call this my..." Brilliant mind though she was, master virologist, one who was a chrysalis harboring something fair and terrible, for a moment she halted. Self-doubt? Chastened, perhaps? Her smile for a moment began to flatten. What might be on her mind? It came back within instants, one more fragment from the 'incident' she would be investigating promptly. "We will call it my 'engagement arc'. Oh my yes, I do like that. I certainly would love to be engaged...kay, thanks, hi~"

______________________________________ Still waiting on some things to come together, although I actually have two more in the chamber to share perhaps, more of this type of thing, but I wanted to write this character a little more. You can consider this something of a prequel to the VN of sorts. I do not know if it will be obvious how this all connects but I don't consider myself someone who is writing to be obscure on purpose. Also we had a palette change for Pravd, a favorite of mine, and I wanted to make an excuse out of it to have her switch palettes. So I hope this is enjoyable and that Purple Prose with Purple Hearts, out by the end of the month for sure, will be. I am fortunate that my team includes someone I have been working on voice acting with and I am very very excited to get that shaped into something; they know who they are and I will be crediting when I talk more about it. ^^ Extremely good stuff is happening for what amounts to my crude amateurish first effort.

[predvestnik]

my beloved, i hope this letter finds you in a better headspace from the one you sent yours in. in mondstadt, everything has been going fine- we are preparing for another wine festival... or, perhaps, i should call it poetry festival, but we both know these events are simply an excuse to drink. everyone is buzzing for the occasion.

i, however, have been missing you like a part of me was gone, the phantom nerves of love an omnipresent ache. seeing eachother soon would be a dream- i can't wait to see you again, my love. it would be the greatest gift. i'll wait for you with patience.

is your mission going okay? have you been eating well? is fontaine to your liking? there are so many stories i could tell you that i have read in my spare time; if you need any info about someplace, don't hesitate to ask me. i'll try to respond as best as i can.

now, about your troubles... this is very unusual, and i can feel your worry in every stroke of ink. if we were in person, perhaps i could try to find out where this has stemmed from- but, since we're apart, i beg of you to be careful, my love: if you start feeling the effects of it once again, find a safe place to try and clear your mind first thing, and try to keep yourself calm. take deep breaths and don't give in to panic- it worsens things to no end. fear muddles the mind. once you come back, i will surely have obtained more informations about how to try and help you. i'm going to ask someone if this has happened before, and how it was fended off, or at least contained.

despite the worry and the wanting to be at your side to soothe, i believe in you; i have the utmost faith that you can find a way to tame this problem, too. childe- there's nothing that you cannot achieve, when you put your mind to it. you are unstoppable- remember that. you are destined to achieve greatness, but the path of greatness has many obstacles inbetween the bottom and the top. perhaps this is one of said obstacles- still, i wish you didn't had to deal with it alone.

if, by the time you return, the problem persists, we will find a way to deal with it together. hang on- we will be reunited soon. do not hesitate to let me know if things become too much- i am but a travel away. i will reach you without hesitation, my love. there's no nation big enough to prevent me from seeing you in time of need.

be safe, my love. be sharp, strong and brave, and think of me at your side, holding your hand. i hope my perfume lingers around you, so it may soothe you further.

with all of my love, kaeya ♥

Unsurprising how each stroke of ink can be felt in his heart. Fingerprints feel the letters, trace their curves and edges, like he can feel the quill scratch on the surface and hear Kaeya's breath as he writes it. For a moment, if only he closes his eyes for long enough, it's like he's never parted; for a moment, when he allows himself to be tricked by the ghosts of longing, he can smell the perfurme of calla lilies wafting from a desk not far from where he lies.

He has lost count of how long he's been reading it, how many times he's extracted the love from every word, every endearment, consuming them like a man starved. In his dorm, nothing can really interrupt this moment; in his solitude, anyone trespassing this moment so intimate would soon be shown the way out, back to the corridors of his prison.

When Kaeya wishes him to be sharp, he checks the power of his cut;

When Kaeya wishes him to be strong, he swears he can lift the Fortress out of the water;

When Kaeya wishes him to be brave... then he doesn't need anything else to be just that.

Features soften, but there's clear purpose to their glinting. He sits up, paper folded carefully and tucked into the inner pocket of his vest — it's time to move and to act.

After that, it'll be time to leave.

[alcego]

Words Written: 2,082 words Projects:

Commission - Slow going. Moved it back into GDocs so I can write at work. I think the format is what's throwing me the most - it's not a style I usually work in and I am in a touch over my head. It's fully planned and otherwise moving along well.

REDO-REPEAT - Wrote this AFTG fic on a whim, chasing motivation-inspiration to get the gears oiled up. It's not everything the idea could be, but I'm happy with what it is given why I wrote it. Not everything needs to be perfect lol. You can read it here, but do mind the tags.

Original Work - Haven't spent much time on my original work, although I do have an idea percolating in the back of my head that I should probably rough out soon. I have a couple other shorts that need to be re-drafted, but I think I need more space from them before I get going again.

Notes:

Wasn't feeling great this week for a variety of reasons. I'm trying to catch back up on life after my second ever kidney infection (caught it early enough this time that my suffering was significantly easier to deal with), not to mention worrying and checking in on Winnie daily now that she's due to foal any day now. (Most likely she has a week or two left. However, sometimes they progress very quickly, so it's prudent to be watchful.) There are other things going on beyond that, of course, but suffice it to say I've been overwhelmed and that is not conducive to writing for me.

Have been consistently frustrated that I don't have a good "writing nook", which has been doubly frustrating because I have several places from which to work, but none of them have been facilitating Getting Things Done. This is a problem for writing but it's equally troubling on my WFH days. Lately I've been most productive in bed. I do not like this, as my bed is supposed to be for sleeping only. Have been looking into purchasing a used chair/ottoman for writing purposes, but there are a lot of logistics to consider there.

In a similar note to the above, I'm irritated by the size of my MacBook. It's a 13", which I ordered during the pandemic and decided it was "good enough" upon realizing it was smaller than expected. I no longer think this, as the keyboard is cramped and the screen doesn't have as much space as I'd like. I've considered going back to my old 17" Dell, which I wrote on prior to purchasing this laptop, but that laptop has fallen victim to planned obsolescence and is unable to receive the updates it needs to function at the level I require. I've looked into larger MacBooks (for budgeting purposes, mostly, although I wonder if I could trade-in my old laptops and have enough store credit for a used one?) but so far as I can tell the keyboard does NOT scale, which is irritating, as I'd prefer one with slightly larger keys so I stop stumbling over how close everything is. The other option is go back to Windows, but this is problematic as I very much prefer the iCloud files syncing to access my WIPs from my phone. Basically: no good solutions. I'll have to keep looking, which is fine, because I don't have the budget to get anything yet.

Not sure how to tie this in, as I suspect it's related to most, if not all, of my whining, but I've been noticing yet again that I have more "luck" writing analog than I do when I'm working on my phone or laptop. That makes it harder to track what I've written, but it's functional, and has gotten me through several sticking points.

Not sure what I'm going to work on after this commission is complete. I think, tentatively, that I might finish a JereJean PWP that has been on the backburner for a while, then finish roughing out my ex-mixtape fic (I got sick and ran out of time, so dropped the event) before polishing it for posting. After that, I want to revisit Vestigial, which has been shelved for a while. I'm hoping that if I get back in the groove of finishing stories, I'll be in a better headspace to get back to my original work, but we'll see. Nothing's set in stone just yet, and my writing stamina isn't high enough yet that I can just bust through any of these without long term repercussions. Slow and steady is key for a bit.