#honestly why am i doing this it is so insane at this point
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mythalism · 1 day ago
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Dude yeah Solas going back to the prison is so dumb to me. Like I assumed before seeing Trick’s post they he and the inquisitor were going into the fade itself to where he sealed the dreams or whatever. But instead I’m going to take my wife to my divorcee empty ass apartment where the ghosts of my past call me a wet loser? What?
JHGKEJRGHKERJHGKREJGH no ur right. i think it genuinely only works when you look at it from a mythological story perspective rather than the two of them as individual people... which is interesting because their whole stories are kind of about how they lose themselves to the myth that surrounds them... so i think its supposed to be the ultimate conclusion of that.
they are at once both finally free of the burdens of the myths and expectations that follow them as the dread wolf and the herald of andraste because they have left the mortal world that forced them into those roles and stripped them of their personhood, but they have also completely submitted themselves to those roles by submitting to the logical conclusion of the myths that they could not escape. for the dread wolf, it is earning his redemption through his willing submission to his own trap. its the logical, full-circle mythological conclusion to the trickster who trapped the gods, now trapped for eternity himself (allegedly, he will prob eventually break out... even loki gets his freedom during ragnarok...). for the inquisitor, it is andraste's herald finally sharing andraste's fate, choosing to leave the mortal world behind to ascend to the golden city alongside the god that she loves. both (presumably, for a lavellan) have tried to reject the myths attached to them over and over and over, but in the end they choose them willingly, and that choice at once binds them to those myths forever while simultaneously freeing them from the burden of them. its giving oedipal greek tragedy of attempting to outrun your fate and it finding you anyway, just when you thought you were finally making your own choice, but with a hopeful and bittersweet spin. its actually fucking insanely brilliant when i think about it this way it makes me genuinely foam at the mouth.
however the major caveat to this is i do not think this is presented nearly clear enough in veilguard. the only reason i am able to create such wonderful, deep meaning from this is honestly because my bachelor's degree is in literature and i literally have formal academic training analyzing storytelling. and it took me like a week to actually sift through all this in my brain and go back and sift through lines and images in the game to support my analysis. it should not take that much work, it should have been more clear. because yeah, the first time you play it it absolutely feels like your girly pop lavellan is making the WORST, down-bad delulu decision of her life while the rest of the world is screaming GIRL DUMP HIM!!!!!!!! and im not suggesting im smarter than anyone for looking at it “the right way” or anything like that. im saying that i think in order to get the meaning from it that the writers intended, you have to look at it through a very specific literary lens, and that is something that most people are not going to default to
 because why would you? the story should lead you there on its own. there shouldn’t be a niche prerequisite to enjoying the ending. a few more lines about people made into myths, much like those we got throughout inquisition, could’ve helped facilitate this. they did a great job of hammering in the regret and choice themes to the point it was like beating a dead horse with a stick. and there are a few good lines that kind of give this vibe (“you’re not JUST the inquisitor, right?” “they call me the dread wolf, what will they call you when this is over?” “there is no fate but the love we share,” a codex from felassan about solas being forced to play into the dread wolf persona, etc.) but they probably could’ve added a few more to talk about mythological apotheosis and choice in the context of fate rather than just in the context of regret, and it would’ve helped at least a bit.
so i fully understand peoples discomfort with the ending as a result. i think it’s a logical conclusion to come to based on how the story presents itself. however im pretty confident that this mythological vibe was tricks intention, based on a lot of their comments about their writing process and inspiration for solas, and the way they have written him overall. @corseque has a lot of amazing posts in her solas tag that talk specifically about the very deliberately mythological way that weekes wrote solas, and i think this is essential context for understanding the ending that the game simply does not sufficiently provide. it also definitely invalidates a lot of people's perceptions of not just their inquisitor, but the solavellan romance as well. however i hope me blabbing about how it can be absolutely brilliant when viewed through a specific lens might help people feel more at peace with it <3
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mercymermaid · 22 hours ago
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rewatching rise and??????? donnie got done so dirty in the s1 finale
spoilers btw if you haven't seen it
"all of my tech is on standby, and i mean ALL of my tech" is such, such a cool moment, icon the man the myth the legend
we even have the DRILL
and it does buttfuck nothing?????
mikey throws an entire ship at shredder (which was actually the coolest scene ever like GO BBG GO), raph drags shredder so hard and sucker punches him, leo is busy with splinter kicking ass, and donnie's tech does nothing 💀 why give everyone such cool scenes, then give donnie an epic ass shot and have his attack do nothing
and ykw??? maybe it was so there could be a plot of "he's so sad because he didn't contribute to the fight â˜čâ˜č", which would've been fun to see, i am a slut for angst, but no..?
honestly that could've actually been a point in a later episode because not only did his tech fail, but he got his battle shell destroyed by shredder, AND he was literally bait in the end fight so he got beaten up while his brother did the beating but NOOO mr. self-proclaimed emotionless bad boy can be useless and just cope with it
sigh this is kinda incomprehensible but whatever
like.... i'd be absolutely devastated if i knew that while my brothers were being awesome, i, who was also known for not being very skilled in fighting (ie. basketball, sportsball, lair games, giving up when fighting the crabs bc his techbo was dead) was still known for not being very skilled in fighting after giving it my all
credit where credit is due, he did learn how to control his tech-bo rocket thing, which would've been COOLER if he DIDN’T get FOLDED LATER
maybe he just needed to have his awesomeness toned down because he was very prominent in the season.... but leo (also prominent, more prominent) had a whole sidequest where he was insanely badass
yeah okay this made sense tldr donnie could've been so much cooler in the shredder fight
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queermarzipan · 5 hours ago
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OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD
BEST. SURPRISE. EVER.
BTW
I LOVE YOU ASMI I LOVE YOU SO MUCH
SOOIGJLCFGOOOOO
R o b e r t d e n e i r o
R O B E R T D E N E I R O
i'm dying. i'm actually dying
Russel T. Davies
Russel T. Davies
ily asmi
i'm laughing bc this is incredibly obvious to ME but that is EXACTLY THE SAME RHYTHM so i am in fact delighted that you knew that
Yes this is true. Twelve is the lesbian and thirteen is idk pansexual or something idk. some sort of extremely niche microlabel i feel. not 'lesbian'
YOU WOULD THINK WOULDN'T YOU but no the master just really is that much of an ego-full person. he chose the name. like every time lord gets to choose their name and he called himself the master. & honestly there is also some sort of BDSM thing going on where the master REALLY LIKES the doctor using their name. and they're also both firmly in 'I Can Fix Him' territory about each other. fucking hell
MISSY MY FUCKING BELOVED ISTG I'M SO MAD THAT THE ONLY MASTER ARC THAT HAD HER BE LIKE FIXING HERSELF WAS WHILE SHE WAS A WOMAN AND THEY HAD THAT CLEAR DELINEATION THEY MADE BTW 'THE MASTER' AND 'MISSY' & I'M JUST. I LOVE HER. YOU FUCKING GOT ME. W H Y
the fucking bigeneration i was READY TO CRY & then they gave me the BEST GIFT OF ALL FUCKING TIME WHOVIANS EVERYWHERE CHEERED ISTFG
i also fucking sobbed but that's not the point the point is it fixed me
i love how little catherine knows about doctor who. every interview they do where david and catherine are together and something factual about the lore comes up david turns to catherine like "👀😇" i fucking love it
the QPR is the realest thing ever istFG it's so much stronger than stobin it really is and i'm biased towards stobin bc they're my FIRST PLANTONIC SHIP but omg they knocked it out of the park. the doctor 7 donna. forevermore. in the brains of people who have gone insane
THE FUCKING. KILLS HER. FUCK
HE KILLS HER
TO SAVE HER LIFE
BUT HE STILL KILLS HER
AND HE HAS TO CARRY THAT
FUCKING HELLLLLLLLLLL
this is what the 60th anniversary fixed in me btw. this pain. the cracks r still conveniently there & reopen when i put myself back in time within the canon
why would i do that you ask
obviously
i
must
????
pain
donna
</3.
^see. totally reasonable
the original show had shitty effects and so does the new one and everyone loves it. if u genuinely think the shitty effects of dw are something to overcome u r made aware that u r incorrect. we love our ridiculous procreate ass living bin and obviously plastic mickey. go watch avengers if u want GOOD cgi
this is profoundly accurate & also neutral which is smart bc having not watched the show u would ABSOLUTELY not be able to adequately defend your position to avoid having ppl come up to ubto ""explain" why ur wrong.
that said.
tentoo is the best ending rose tyler could have possibly had it tied in with themes in school reunion & impossible planet & family of blood & also fucking army of ghosts & doomsday & no one can ever change my mind. i fucking love it to fucking pieces u can pry the metacrisis from my cold dead hands
HE'S CALLED TENTOO BC HE'S ALSO TEN IT'S A FUCKING PUN IT'S THE BEST PUN EVER I LOVE IT
NuWho is one word & New Who is two words. Expeditiousness is the friend of all. this is the fandom that uses full-on numbers to refer to versions of a character lke the infamous "you can like 11 better than 10" post lmao u expect us to keep two words we could conpress into one??
THE TARDIS SHOULD ABSOLUTELY IMPLEMENT RIBBONS FOR SEATBELTS IF I EVER GET TO WRITE FOR THE SHOW THAT'S MY FIRST FUCKING SUGGESTION. I'M FUCKING LOVING THAT. also the tardisđŸ˜đŸ˜đŸ©”đŸ’™đŸ©”đŸ’™đŸ’™đŸ©”đŸ’™đŸ©”đŸ©”
he does indeed. bridgerton episode
the ninth doctor is sometimes a butch lesbian and sometimes something unknowable & i think it was the unknowable version that was bobbing his head. he fucking rocks also ur absolutely right he has so little rizz. he can get it
truth. nothing more to say
very very queer. nothing more to say
david tennant and catherine tate had SO MUCH FUN during that episode istg i love them so much
the sexuest person is indeed a head. apparently he was supposed to be in a certain story arc & he'd have his head chopped off and that's why he's a head but they couldn't get him. so now we just simply have to assume that he got into a beheading predicament at some point
the Meep's pronoun is the definite article. easy mistake to make. the Meep is always "the Meep". friend shaped because evil subterfuge :,[
.....uh........ idk asmi idk lmao
WAIT OH MY GOD IT'S CASSANDRA YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT CASSANDRA I'M GOING TO EXPLODE THIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNYYYYYY
*strolls into tumblr and falls on my face pretending I haven't been missing for like a month I was out getting the milk hello maggots*
Doctor Who But I've Never Watched It 2.0
For those of you feeling deja vu YES I HAVE MADE POSTS ON DOCTOR WHO BEFORE OKAY but back then I was a young uneducated lad, just a fresh blossom unfucked by tumblr. Now I am surrounded by you lot and by god do y'all love Doctor Who. And I am Educated. My DW virginity is deflowered. All that.
SO HERE WE GO, EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS SHOW I'VE NEVER WATCHED:
The show started in 1963, and then was rebooted in 2005 and the showrunner was... Robert de Neiro? Idk all I know is he gives Pedro Pascal vibes. Like his name. His name is Robert.
There have been 15 Doctors so far. One is a lesbian and it is not Jodie Whittaker, it is actually the 12th doctor.
There's someone called the Master. I don't know what that means, or if it's some kind of BDSM thing, but he has intense sexual tension with the Doctor.
He's also emo and has bleached hair and is kinda babygirl. And is called Missy.
The Doctors all have intense trauma and the 15th Doctor kind of girlbossed it by leaving David Tennant intact when they binary-fissioned.
Donna is a person played by Catherine... Tate? Not Hepburn. And she knows less about Doctor Who than I do. And Donna is in a QPR with the David Doctors (there are two of them).
David Doctor loves Donna very much. And then he kills her. But doesn't kill her. And then they have dinner together with her husband and kid.
The original show had shitty effects. The new show does too, and everyone is happy about this.
Rose is someone the David Doctor is in love with and then she ends up with a human AU of him and he leaves and the fans are very divided and passionate about this.
The human AU is called Tentoo because y'all hate using W's. What the fuck is Tentoo. What is Nuwho. Why isn't it New and Two. Help me.
THERE IS SOMETHING CALLED THE TARDIS, IT IS BIGGER ON THE INSIDE, I HAVE HAD WEIRD DREAMS WHERE IT WAS A FUCKING AUTO-RICKSHAW WITH RIBBONS FOR SEATBELTS, AND IT IS BLUE AND NOT YELLOW BUT IT WAS YELLOW IN MY DREAM. Because of a Drarry fanfic that I misread.
The 15th doctor dances homoerotically with someone during the French Revolution.
The 9th doctor kinda vibes with like his head jiggling idk I've only seen one gif of him.
The 13th doctor keeps forgetting she's in a woman's body.
It is all very gay.
David Tennant's arms are too long.
The sexiest person is a head.
The Meep's pronouns are Meep. Meep is not friend. IF NOT FRIEND THEN WHY FRIEND SHAPED??????
A buttcheek skin talks or something yeah this is all I got.
have at it y'all @robinprinceofchaos @multidimensional-trashcan @wispedvellichor @queermarzipan thanks for the second hand brainrot
*sneaks away under the cover of night* i was never here
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dandelion-wings · 2 days ago
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Hello! Love your fic and blog. I would love to hear your thoughts on something. There's a thing I sometimes see people say...that like Kaeya should have told Diluc his secret earlier than he did. (And I agree that he should have told him at a different time. And I do think it is generally a good thing that would strengthen their relationship, after they work through it, and it gives Kaeya a confidant.) Idk, it's complicated because I kind of feel like Kaeya doesn't really owe anyone the truth until such a time that he is put in a position of potential or active harm to Mondstadt. But I am generally of the opinion that people are way too harsh on most of the characters that keep secrets, as if that in itself is a moral wrong.
Hmmm. I had to think about this a little, anon, because "should" is such a loaded term here!
I think so much about evaluating his choices here depends on context we simply don't have in canon. Is Kaeya actually in Mondstadt for any malicious reason, or did his father leave him there to protect him in some way (and if so, did he justify it with a false mission to make Kaeya cooperate, or is Kaeya fearing a war that isn't actually likely to come)? If there was a reason, was he an active agent (spy, saboteur, what have you) or a helpless pawn (c.f. this post)? If there was an actual plot, has his loyalty changed and he doesn't have to do anything for Khaenri'ah going forward, or does he fear some kind of secret trigger word or magical control that would make him a danger to Mondstadt no matter what? Is "Khaenri'ah" only the Abyss Order at this point, or are there actual non-Order Khaenri'ahans still around that Alberich Sr. is trying to save? (Or, in between the two, is he on the "save/purify the hilichurls" boat with Caribert, but is taking a different tack than the Order, or working with them only reluctantly?)
An important question for me has always been whether the fanon that Kaeya is "a prince" is true because, if he is, and there is an actual plan, and there are actual Khaenri'ahans this plan was meant to save, then morally speaking I don't think he should have told at all. I tolerate royalty even in my fiction only and exclusively on the premise that they serve their people No Matter What (this is why I still hate Ei >> ), and I would lose all respect for him if those three conditions obtained and he still chose Mondstadt.
But like... my insanely high standards for fictional royalty aside... Kaeya was a kid abandoned in a foreign land. That's the one thing we know for absolute certainty. Even if he was around Diluc's age of eighteen, and even if Mondstadt definitely gives responsibility to kids way younger than in our world, to me that's still a kid. "Should" seems to come with moral judgement here that's pretty harsh, given that, and I say this as someone who does judge Diluc around the same events--but with the same ambivalence, for the same reasons, of him being a kid in a tough spot. (I did not make better decisions re: sibling relationships than either of them at that age, let me put it that way.) Also, honestly, if Kaeya had confessed earlier, I don't think Diluc was the person to initially do it to--leaving aside all moral questions, I think the smart person to tell would have been Crepus, an actual adult who, while not perfect as a parent by any means, I feel likely would have chosen to protect his adopted son from blowback. He almost certainly had the experience as a businessman to control when and how that information was disseminated to any relevant parties, including Diluc himself.
I honestly don't even think Kaeya "owes" anyone the truth even if it does put Mondstadt at risk, though that comes from the premise that he still feels conflicted somewhat (which canon has drifted away from somewhat but I do stubbornly cling to, because it's spicier, and I don't love them blandifying my boy >> ). He gets to make his own choices. And then he gets to deal with whatever consequences fall out for them! And honestly, while I feel like the morality of secret-keeping in the real world depends very much on the secrets and their impacts, and can often go horribly wrong, in fiction it leads to some of my favorite kinds of narrative drama. So I guess that's my takeaway!
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faithfulcat111 · 2 years ago
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What makes me laugh is that as much as we complain about the Duffers absolutely forgetting Will's birthday in season 4, they kinda screwed themselves over by placing season 4 over Spring Break of '86 at all. Cause the few school calendars I have scrounged up from Indiana (and Kentucky and Illinois cause I had to spread the search a tad) all have Spring Break falling over one of three weeks that year. And the problem is:
- Saturday, March 22nd - Will's Birthday
- Sunday, March 30th - Easter
- Monday, April 7th - Mike's Birthday
So yeah, they really just screwed themselves. They did line up (mostly) correctly for the IHSAA basketball semi-state competitions, so point 1 for the Duffers. This is one bit where the only record I could find was for one semi-state competition for the tier A teams and it had both games on the 22nd, not on the 20th and 21st. (And it was a program for the event being sold on EBay so slightly dubious). And I somehow doubt Hawkins was tier A. Seem more likely to be AA or AAA given their size and streak. Although they then forgot about finals altogether, but, ya know, the town was a bit busy by next Saturday cause those did take place on the 29th, so pass.
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skitskatdacat63 · 1 year ago
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I feel weirdly compelled by this
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triglycercule · 27 days ago
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alright!!!! kitchen CLEANED ‌ carry on PACKED ‌ now i just need to do my homework and then maybe take a really really really quick (4 hour long) nap before dinner/online class. then i will grind on the silly silly why did i decide to do this animation meme/animatic until 3 am hits and i've gotta hit the port. the AIRport :3
in exchange for my incredible unprecedented productiveness i made this little doodle just now. i'm actually a liar i did this in school but still
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#honestly killer could be doing fuck knows and i wouldn't even know. still love him though#at this point???? at this point i dont even keep up with his characterization i will not lie#horror and dust are my favorite children im sorry killer. you'll get your time to shine when the seasons change#which is probably soon idk man whatever i love them all ewually :333#anyways killer's just not sleeping in that one. bro's had the longest streak of no sleep he aint breaking it now#erm ACTUALLY he's looking at the viewer and therefore breaking the fourth wall and thats soooooo cool#triglycercule what are you on#why are they all sleeping in the same bed#well obviously because they didn't wanna deal with multiple#but also they cannot be bothered to cuddle close together#dust kicks too much. horror steals too much space. killer sometimes just sits up for several periods of time#worlds craziest sleep#killer actually could be sleeping in that one but i just dont know#but triglycercule didnt you draw this and therefore should know what he's doing?????#idk man killer's an enigma i cant control him 💀💀💀 he does his own shit whatever#i lov making killer so crazily abnormal its so silly#who cares about canon (i do) ok well still im having FUN doodling#shut up and get back to rereading askdusttale and horrortale and something new#alright........ (pitifully limps away)#i tag some things rants when its actually art but i just dont want my art tsg 2 be littered with doodles#maybe thats bad. maybe i should start tagging properly#ok rant tag removed........ iGUESS this is art#euaghhhhhh but its just a DOODLS!!!! IT DOESNT DESERVE TO BE CONSIDERED GOOD ART WORTHY OF THE TAG#but triglycercule art is art no matter if doodle or not. stop belittling yourself for naught!#i hate when i get inspirational and supportive on myself man can i just suffer without some knowitall up my ass#i sound insane rn what am i doing. the bit is not funny#and i changed my mind this is a rant again not art#tricule rant#see it WOULD be both if i wanted to do dual tags. but i dont
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selfinflictedgunshotwound · 4 months ago
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sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible
#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything#i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by#while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi#i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real#problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about#and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real#or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason#i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place#because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk#negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual#i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed#a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO#i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait#and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life#like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it#just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy#i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy#and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation#because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life#anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is#to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck
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loumauve · 2 months ago
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I snapped today at work, and by snapped I mean I politely commented on a help desk ticket by summing up an mess of an (type of) issue that's come up for at least the fourth time in the 2+ months I've been managing user accounts, and asked the person responsible to fix it (himself for once) because last time I fixed his mess-up it took me two whole days to work out the details with at least four other colleagues from different departments and I really don't want to do it again. there's other shit that needs doing, I've been working 10+ hour days for most of this week already, so I need to cut down not add on more.
(good thing tho - at least we managed to fix the issue where the dataset of a newer employee got mixed up with another one of the same name and therefore wasn't able to apply for any of the access/accounts she needed. technically not entirely my area but it does impact us not being allowed to create an account for her so I figured I might as well track that issue down. took three days and at least three other people, but hey - it should all work out now. yay for that)
#been feeling anxious af ever since bc it's the first time I've been this firm in a reply and idk how they'll take it#there's underlying issues in inter-departmental communication that need fixing that cause these issues to happen again and again#but my boss is on parental leave and his substitute is sick not that she cares or is up for doing her job where communication is concerned#so there's no real sense in addressing that rn esp by me who's only been there since June. but it does frustrate me a lot#anyway. I'm sure I'll get over this too. but yeah.. ppl not thinking things through for the two mins it takes to create an account#or the twenty seconds it takes to check if one already exists before creating a new one#or the minute it takes to check if folks still have an active contract past their time working in your department before deleting an accoun#just jfc. put in a smidge of effort and five mins total and save the rest of us from spending half a day to fix your mistake#oh well. if I get a pissy response I'll just blame it on being new as an intern and being too motivated and idealistic I guess#god forbid I expect people to do their jobs thoroughly or with at least a singular thought..#anyway. I feel like I'm allowed to be grumpy abt this since we are the folks who end up having to fix this shit#and by we I mean pretty much mostly me at this point bc one colleague is sick atm. my boss barely has time for this and is on leave#and my other colleague only works half time so I'm the one who's been handling most of these over the past month or so#which.. is still insane considering how I'm a goddamn intern who shouldn't even have admin rights tbh#but without them I couldn't do anything at all lol so here I am. nice that they trust and believe in me I suppose#that's why I try to do my best. (who am I kidding that's always the case anyway)#but yeah. definitely a 50% staff support job and only 50% of the other important things that need doing rn it's more like 90/10#and it's funny how I still dread my two hours of hotline. but every time the line is too busy I still jump in#we are also only 6 people atm out of 10 and three of us are still in training. and one of the trained folks had to come back in mid time of#next week we'll likely be 4#depending on if our substitute boss lady is back.. not that I'd look forward to it. she's a mess and she's been horrible to deal with latel#sure. she's stressed. but she's either snapping at me when I ask abt shit I can't know yet or she's ignoring me. great basis for team work.#so honestly I'd rather she not return on Monday. esp not if she's gonna spread her germs everywhere#but now sleep. sorry for the rant. it's certainly been quite the month since I returned from my own wisdom tooth rated sick leave..#gotta be up again in 6.5 hrs so I can be at work at 6 to let the electrician in. I'm gonna sleep so hard over the weekend I stg#a day in the life of..
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orcelito · 4 months ago
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Ykno the suckiest thing about being broken up with for someone else is that like. Well I'm doing generally fine, all things considered, but I Am kinda sad thinking about the things I've lost and all the casual affection that I can't have now.
But she's out there having all the affection she wants from her coworker, and it's just like. Damn this feels so skewed and SO unfair.
#speculation nation#and then U add in the fact that the girl she broke up with me for is already dating someone else (poly sort of situation)#and im just like. WHYYYYY did she break up with me instead of trying to negotiate poly???#she was gonna at first but when i expressed concern about poly given her obvious communication problems about it#then she dropped me like a hot coal. like sorry i wasnt about to let myself be stood up and ignored for basically a whole day#just to accept u trying to negotiate poly. like What?????#anyways i may have a bit of a history with being a bit of an asshole and breaking up with them#but at LEAST ive never broken up with anyone to immediately start dating someone else#and at LEAST ive broken up with them in person and not over text!!! the fuck?????#i keep alternating between 'surprisingly okay with it all' and 'maybe a little sad' and 'absolutely fucking LIVID'#and i keep wanting to yell at her more but i already said quite a lot of things. so id just be repeating myself#and at that point id just be a vitriolic piece of shit. which i try not to be.#so im letting her live in peace while i continue to be So Pissed about it and it just sucks man lmfao#why do i gotta be the bigger person fr. i even apologized for the hurtful things i was saying in anger. literally in that same conversation.#and she gets to pull this stunt and walk free and spend so much time with her new 'love' ignoring the world etc etc#honestly i hope it fails miserably for her. bc sure theres a chance it works out but every single part of this is impulsive and So Stupid.#and even tho my ex agreed with me when i told her it was INSANE. she was just like 'i have to' like OKAY????#jesus fucking christmas she's revealed a side to me that i really hadnt seen before.#so i hope it fails and i hope she tells me about it. i hope she owns up to her mistakes. for my own satisfaction.#but i have 0 intention on ever taking her back. because what the fuck????#i may be a flawed individual with plenty of problems. but i still have basic fucking dignity. and i am NOT accepting this back in my life.#and god damn her friend is moving into the unit across from mine for this coming year#and i may have to see my ex sometimes bc of it 😭😭😭#the friend seemed generally level headed tho. idk if i happen across him & he doesnt avoid me maybe i'll ask him what he thinks of this#bc she was treating me with such love and affection showing me off to all her friends. and then she drops me like a fucking coal.#i wouldnt say i made friends with them myself but we were at least friendly. so i doubt theyd have a good opinion of her for this.#so would the friend loyalty take precedence? or would he be willing to chat with me and confirm Yeah what the fuck?#bc if i had a friend who did this same exact thing id be side-eyeing them SO hard.#id support them bc theyre my friend but i would also be like 'hey uh Why did you do that. that was pretty awful of u you know that right'#& itd also make me more cautious of them too. for being Able to drop someone so suddenly lol.
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claratyler · 8 months ago
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what did pj do /genq
he posted a video with pewdiepie a few days ago. Needless to say it gave me whiplash to see that in my youtube recommendations.. but it's more shocking to me to see that everyone was enjoying the video in the comments. or that here on tumblr, people have continued to post about pj completely ignoring the fact that he's out here collabing with Mr Notoriously Racist Youtuber
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todayisafridaynight · 1 year ago
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this isn't related to rgg at all but finding out you're also a fire emblem fan was great... first the mention of the ike figure then the insane por prices LMAO? i had no idea... what games have you played?
Back In My Day i was known as ‘the eliwood/elihec guy’ and on occasion The Ike Guy LOL but yeah
. Guilty as charged


As for the games ive played ive played Shadow Dragon (DS remake), Shadows of Valentia, and then FE6-FE3H + FEW (minus Heroes of Light and Shadow)
im an asshole for playing on authentic software hence why i skipped out on FE1-FE5 but maybe one day ill stop being annoying and pick them up on an emulator. Or IntSYS remakes them <- doubtful (well. The rest of the JP-exclusive games anyway lol)
#snap chats#FE is like my DQ honestly LMAO i love the games so much#tho
 cant say that nowadays
 i havent played any of the new ones since FE3H#no particular reason aside from maybe not being too much of a fan of the art style#but i could just be a true geezer at heart and prefer the old pixel/portrait art of the 2000’s era#SoV’s portrait art is gorgeous tho. that games SOOOO good berkut’s still one of my fave antags to this day#oh but. in case you couldnt tell. FE7 was one of my faves to post for a while LMAO#it was the first game i got to play since my bro got it and let me play it#he also had sacred stones so i played that once i was done with FE7#then i played brawl and fell in love with ike. as in Big Sword And He Punches/Kicks People#so
.. i saved up to buy PoR and later Radiant Dawn (tho i got RD for. MUUUCH much cheaper)#and i mean i always thought marth was cute. And A Girl so when i was able to i got SD#not my favorite game ngl the cast was just. too huge and not memorable but i still love marth as a character#at some point i figured id try to play FE6 and bought a japanese copy (that i had ray chase sign actually)#the hit rate is fucking. ABYSMAL. and my JP was even worse than it is now BUT we got through it#the tellius games def have my fave cast and lore tho and i love the music. and Por do be on my baby the gamecube#and then i got awakening because my childhood bestie- who never played FE before- loved it a million so i figured why not#and then. My Insane Ass. she bought birthright and so of course i bought conquest#but then i heard about the removed features in the JP versions so i bought those and gave her my conquest copy#and then i paid her to homebrew my 3DS because I Am Stupid. so did i pay an obscene amount of money#to play Arguably the worst FE games Yes. but i got to use my ike amiibo so its ok :)#i love how i talk more bout fire emblem on my rgg blog than on my FE blog LMAO thats just how it be#but yeah those are my FE crimes thanks for listening LOL#i oughta cap it there i been talkin WAAAYYY too long LMAO
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pepprs · 2 years ago
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not to keep workposting but. every single day I come to work and i get rained on and i don’t have an umbrella. every single day i come to work and return home with arrows sticking out of me like in minecraft.
#if i see another human being in the next 8 minutes i will go fucking crazy. also why are there so many stressors all the time. i just want#to go home and play cookie run or wobbledogs. like i shouldn’t be like this bc i love my job. but i am so distressed and scared and#exhausted by the sheer volume of tasks and of laser beams that make a lattice that i have to tip toe through in order to get to the gem.#like it’s insane. and i do not want to facilitate this workshop. please please please no one show up. LOL#purrs#literally like no one shows up to this stuff either it’s just insane like we spend all this time preparing and then no one shows up#at some point i have to be honest and say this. i love my job in theory. right now i do not love it though. i might not even like it. i am#scared and miserable and stressed all the time. i just want us to have enough staff and i just want us to have a break#im fucking tired of going unrecognized im fucking tired of being made fun of and hushed about. like the rest of these people fucking suck#honestly and idc if im a bitch or a loose canon for saying that. we are working so ficking hard and we need the BASIC things that everyone#else seems to have and it doesn’t fucking seem to matter. i literaly haven’t even been able to finish my fucking onboarding yet because#ive had to take on the work of all the vacant positions and it doesn’t even seem tofucking matter outside of us like everyone just thinks im#a student and i even got sneered at easier today as a joke but it s like it’s not fucking funny i work here JUST LIKE YOU!!!!!! I WORK HERE#AND I FUCKING NEED HELP!!!!! SHUT UUUUUPPPPP!!!!!!!
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fingertipsmp3 · 2 years ago
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Okay, here’s a sign that I need to fucking go to therapy already: I’m starting to miss academia
#what kind of sick freak have i become. seriously#since i was 19 i have been in higher education pretty much nonstop. i’ve got three degrees. they took 6 years in total#i nearly quit my undergrad and my pgce multiple times. never bothered to even think about quitting my master’s because fuck it#it was online during covid. there was no point in quitting. i spent a year and £9k to go insane in my home and all i got#was a lousy certificate. my master’s feels like a fever dream honestly; i couldn’t tell you anything i learned#but my pgce was awful. i’d rather do my bachelor’s and my master’s again than do that again#so WHY. am i considering doing a phd#see the thing is i feel like that’s where it’s all heading. academia is the only place where i am not considered to be a complete weirdo#and i’m really good at writing essays but i haven’t had to do it for ~6 months and it’s already feeling weird#i feel like i’ve found something i’m good at and i may as well go back to it and milk it for all it’s worth lol#okay new plan of action. i’ve applied to a TA job. if i don’t get it i’m going to formulate a phd proposal asap#and apply to stuff until i either get banned from doing so or get in#i have a feeling i will immediately regret this decision but like
 girl#i genuinely do not thrive in any other environment lol. i mean i don’t thrive in academia but it’s also the only place where i make sense#personal
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hwanghyunjinenthusiast · 11 months ago
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ELECTRIC. - y.jh
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your best friend is many things. smart, funny, empathetic, a complete and utter pain in your ass to name but a few. and on the evening of his twenty-eighth birthday, you discover something a little unexpected: jeonghan is very afraid of thunderstorms. 
pairing : jeonghan x fem reader. content : f2?. smut. fluff. a bit of angst. comfort. (MINORS DNI) w/c : 6.3k warnings : swearing. jeonghan has astraphobia / a fear of storms (for a brief period, he's a little fragile). intentional lowercase. smut tags utc. PLEASE let me know if i've forgotten anything. notes : happy birthday to this sweetest of sweethearts. i would chew my right arm off if he asked me to. (barely proofread. if you see a typo, no you didn't.<3)
smut tags : pussy drunk jeonghan (my beloved), no real power dynamics but jh is a cocky mf and a bit of a dick, panty sniffing hehe, fingering, oral sex (f rec), reader is turned on by the storm. they're very unserious about it.
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the lead actors meet in a kiss. the screen fades to black. so ends yet another round of your annual birthday movie nights.
jeonghan reaches for the remote and silences the end credit theme to the film you’ve just finished watching at the same time as you lift your head up off his shoulder, stretching high above your head and letting out perhaps the loudest yawn (-stroke-moan) of your life. your joints ache from too long spent in one, rather cramped, position, your eyes feel heavy in the late hour. the room falls almost silent around you both, save for the harsh splashing of rain against the windows. 
(this really doesn’t help the fact that you’re seconds away from falling asleep.)
“what did you think?” jeonghan asks, stretching his long legs out in front of him. 
“not my best pick,” you say, scrunching your nose a little. “not my worst, either.”
your best friend gives a short ‘ha’ of agreement, finally standing up off the couch. “couldn’t have said it better myself.” 
he gathers up the takeout boxes currently decorating his coffee table and grabs the now empty drinks glasses with his free hand, grunting softly as he stands fully upright again. you see him trying to roll out a kink in his neck and laugh from where you’re still settled comfortably in the couch cushions.
“you’re going stiff in your old age,” you tease him, grinning brightly. he fires a look at you that simultaneously dares you to keep going down this path, and yet also, tiredly agrees. “remind me to book you a good massage for your birthday next year.”
he grunts something that sounds suspiciously like an instruction to go fuck yourself as he takes his leave from the room, carrying everything that needs to be thrown away or washed up into the kitchen. you busy yourself on your phone while he’s gone, deciding to check in on your weather app. you quite like the rain and you’re really not that worried about driving home in it; you’re just curious how long it’s going to last for. 
in the delay of the app opening, a series of bright flashes bounce off every single wall in the living room. when you glance outside, the rain is falling harder than before; barely ten seconds later, a thunderclap roars through the ajar windows and you feel it all the way down into your tummy. 
you don’t have a chance to excitedly run across the room to get a look at the storm, though. a loud swear and the sound of crashing glass stings your eardrums before the rumble is even over. instead, you’re bolting through in the same direction jeonghan disappeared off in just moments ago, your heart having taken dangerous residence your stomach.
“what’s wrong?!” you ask as you skid around the corner in your socks, just managing to catch yourself from sliding straight into the wall at the end of the hallway. “i heard a—”
you freeze, then, falling silent. jeonghan is gripping onto the kitchen counter like his life depends on it with both shattered glasses laying at his feet; he looks like he’s seen a ghost, all white-knuckled and clammy and pale-lipped. it’s terrifying. 
“hey,” you say, slowly making your way into the room, mindful not to startle him and even more careful not to stand on one of the many shards on the laminate. “what happened? are you okay?”
he nods, weakly. swallows hard. blinks a few times, curls and uncurls his fingers, steps back from the counter. 
“yeah,” he breathes eventually, uncertain and still visibly shaken. he wipes his palms on his sweatpants and looks over at you, forcing a smile, but you’ve known him for entirely too long to be sold on this terrible performance. “i, uh-...”
but jeonghan stops short, shaking his head, running out of words to say. for a moment, you think maybe he’s about to apologise; that’s the shape his lips make, anyway. you cut in before he gets the chance.
“it’s okay,” you say, leaning one hip up against the counter. “go sit down, i’ll clear all this up. watch where you stand, though.”
“you don’t have to–” he starts, but you interject before he can even entertain the idea of cleaning the mess himself.
“i know i don’t, but i want to. go. i’ll only be a minute.”
begrudgingly, he agrees; you grab the broom from his kitchen cupboard and start slowly sweeping the broken glass into a dustpan while he carefully steps on the safe parts of the floor and makes his way back through to the living room. you make reasonably quick work of everything, emptying the fragments into the bin on top of the takeout boxes – all that’s left by the time you’re finished a couple of minutes later, is to try and figure out what caused all this in the first place.
jeonghan isn’t an easily shaken individual; you know this from years of experience. he seems to be able to catch you every time, without fail: whether he’s just popping out at you from behind a door and making you yelp, or he’s near-on giving you heart failure by texting you that something terrible has happened and that you need to come over, immediately, only for said ‘terrible’ thing to be that he got really comfy on the couch without making any popcorn. but regardless of all the numerous ways he manages to terrorise you, you’ve never, ever managed to do the same back to him. 
he’s always shrugged off your attempts, bragging that he just isn’t afraid of anything. so
 you’re not really any closer to finding an answer at the time of going back through to the living room with your backpack slung over one shoulder.
“you wanna tell me what happened in there?” you ask, sitting down next to him on the couch. you’re sure his posture is supposed to be an attempt to convince you that he’s absolutely fine, now, but jeonghan looks stiff and is outright refusing to meet your eyes, despite your best attempts. again, unfortunately, you aren’t so easily fooled.
“i just came over dizzy,” he lies, doing his best to play it down. “maybe i stood up too fast and had a delayed reaction, i don’t know.”
“i’ve known corpses get up faster than you did, hannie,” you deadpan, laying one hand by his knee. “come on. that’s crap.”
he doesn’t quite jerk away from you, but you do feel his thigh muscles tense under your touch. you slide your palm down onto the couch between you instead in an effort to make him a tiny bit more comfortable. 
“it’s nothing,” he tries. “really. it’s–”
“jeonghan–”
“y/n.”
the room around you falls silent, both of your stubborn personalities at a stalemate. he won’t talk, and you won’t let him stay quiet. it’s been this way for years. since you were teenagers, even. you’d think he would have learned by now. (he hopes that you might have, too.)
but, there is a fact at play that makes you stop staring him down, and you relax your shoulders slightly as you sit forwards.
“i’m only letting this go because it’s your birthday,” you sigh, clasping your hands together. “if it was any other day of the week–”
“yeah, yeah. trust me. i know.”
there’s an edge to his voice that almost sounds like your jeonghan. like the teasing menace you know and adore. almost. it’s missing something. missing his usual spark.
“i swear to god, though, if i find out you’re sick and you’re not telling me,” you mutter under your breath. not quite under your breath enough, mind – he hears you perfectly, and you can see, out of the corner of his eye as you start to rummage through your backpack for your car keys, the way his ears prick up.
“don’t be stupid, i’m not sick,” he says. the truth in these words, specifically, is evident in the weight of his voice, in the way his fingers brush against the small of your back. “i swear.”
“pinky swear?” you ask, turning to look at him over one shoulder.
he holds out his little finger on his right hand for you, both eyebrows raised in a silent challenge. you pinch your lips tight before hooking your own pinky through his, leaning in and pressing a short kiss to the pad of your thumb. the way you used to when you were kids. ‘you really can’t break those.’ he used to say. ‘they’re like, triple the strength’. saved for really important promises. when he does the same, you know you can believe him.
“okay,” you concede, going back to your search. “in that case – i think i’m gonna head on home before the roads get flooded.” you had to learn the hard way that the drains in this part of town aren’t known for their ability to handle much more than a middling rainfall.
somehow – always, somehow – buried at the very bottom of your backpack, you manage to find your keys and your hand curls around them as soon as you feel one of the rough edges against your fingertips. it’s barely been three seconds since your announcement, but jeonghan has managed to shuffle right into your personal bubble anyway and is now sitting with one arm pressed fully against your own.
“i don’t know if it’s safe to drive when it’s like this,” he says quietly. “it seems dangerous.”
“i think i’ll be okay if i leave, like, soon,” you try to reassure him. 
“you think,” he repeats, narrowing his eyes at you. 
“i’ve driven in so much worse, believe me,” you say. “don’t worry, i’ll be careful.”
“why don’t you just stay the night?” he offers. “you’re not working tomorrow, are you?”
“i’m not,” you confirm, and you do genuinely consider the offer for a moment before deciding to decline. “but i need a shower, and–”
jeonghan interrupts you, a little too quickly. “you can use my shower, i’ve got spare towels. i’ll sleep on the couch. don’t drive in this.”
“hannie, stop worrying,” you laugh, starting towards the door. “i promise, i’ll go slow and i’ll text you the second i’m home.”
“y/n,” he sighs, stepping towards you, jaw tense. “please. just this once.”
you swallow, looking all over his face, trying to figure out what train of thought the cogs behind his eyes are turning in tune with, why he’s so stressed about this. you’ve never known him behave like this sober. (you’ve only ever known him to be like this once, at all, and he tried to kiss you, then, so–)
“i really
” you start, only to be interrupted by another brilliant white flash. your eyes dart to the window just in time to see the lightning bolt through the clouds, and you feel your face noticeably soften in wonder. barely four seconds later – it’s getting closer – the loudest thunder clap you think you’ve heard in your life drowns out every thought you’ve ever had. 
every thought, except the sudden pressure of jeonghan’s fist around your forearm. every thought, except the stuttered gasp he lets slip. every thought, except the sudden fear in his too-wide-eyes.
oh, you think, realisation dawning on you as the blunt press of his nails grows just a fraction softer in time with the end of the rumble. that’s

“it’s okay,” you say softly, taking a step closer to jeonghan and opening your arms for him to step into. “it’s okay. i’m here.”
he falls against you like an unsteady house of cards, his arms tight around your back and his head buried into the place in your shoulder where it fits the best. you’ve never seen him like this, and you’re not really sure what to do with yourself; he’s always been the sturdy one, between the two of you. he’s always been your rock. there’s a little bit of an irony in how he’s always been the one to help you weather the storm, but with the shoe on the other foot

“how can i help you?” you ask, trailing your fingers up and down his back, not really sure that he can feel you through the thick material of his sweatshirt but you’re trying your best, anyway. 
he squeezes you tighter, buries his head further down into your shoulder, takes a few shaky breaths in through his mouth and screws his eyes shut a little more before he makes his request. 
“please stay with me.”
if your heart wasn’t aching for him before, it most certainly is now. you nod to the room at large, hoping jeonghan can feel the movement even a little. you don’t loosen your hold around him, though: you let your best friend cling to you for as long as his muscles will allow before they start to ache and he has to step away. 
“come with me,” you say once he’s finished running his fingers through his hair, trying to set it back to rights. “it’s okay.” you hold one of your hands out to him and he takes it, albeit apprehensively; giving his palm a squeeze with your own, you guide him through the apartment towards his bedroom.
“what are you–?” he asks, and despite his earlier hesitance to hold onto your hand, he doesn’t want to let go of you now you’ve reached your destination. he just stands next to you, fingers threaded through yours, looking at your face with tired eyes and a lifted brow. 
“grab your bedsheets,” you tell him, shaking your hand free. “and your pillows. we’re gonna make a fort.”
“a what?”
“a blanket fort,” you say. “to hide from the storm.”
he doesn’t say anything for a moment, and for a brief second, you think maybe the idea has offended him. his face hasn’t lifted into the smile you sort of expected it to; instead, he’s just staring down at his bed as if he’s trying to will himself out of existence.
“we don’t have to do all that,” he says. “it’s
 that’s way too much?”
“it’s your birthday,” you counter. “and i want to make you a birthday fort. like we used to, when we were kids. it’ll be fun!”
he gives a little sigh, but it’s not one of sadness or exasperation with you. it’s defeat. except, you think if you could taste it, you’d be able to pick up a tiny lacing of sweetness in his exhale. 
“fine. you’re building it, though.”
you think it’s safe to say that perhaps, you’re a bit out of practice. you distinctly remember this being much easier when you were young: throwing bedsheets and blankets over the couch and propping them up with chairs or broomsticks. the forts that you would make as a child were, truly, a sight to behold: you used fairy-lights to decorate one, once, and it still remains one of your most prideful projects to date. the slight catastrophe that sits in jeonghan’s living room by the time you’ve finished laying out the last few pillows is
 more a cave, in your opinion, and not a very pretty one, but you emerge from it smiling anyway and jeonghan looks at you so fondly that no matter how rubbish it is, it’s worth the half an hour you spent putting it together.
“what do you think?” you ask, sitting back on your heels.
“it’s not your best,” jeonghan teases as he walks towards your monstrosity masterpiece, critically eyeing the ‘roof’ that would definitely fail any kind of health and safety audit. “but it’s not your worst, either.”
a bright smile lights up your face as he drops down to his knees and crawls inside the space alongside you, letting the ‘door’ (a particularly thick blanket) fall down behind him. one of the (many, many, many, many, many) problems you encountered was trying to make one of these to fit two grown adults, but with him tucked away inside with you and a few flashlights to prevent you from being plunged into darkness
 ignoring the potential for it all to come collapsing in on you at any given time, it’s surprisingly comfortable. 
you lay back against the pillows first and jeonghan follows soon after, a weirdly gleeful smile playing at his lips as he does. he curls into your side and you talk, and talk, and talk. about everything. about nothing. it doesn’t really matter.
you’re not quite sure why, but the deep roars of the storm outside don’t seem to bother jeonghan quite as much in here. maybe it’s because he’s not alone, and there’s no imminent threat for him to be: maybe your company really is making a difference. he still reaches for you every time there’s a particularly loud clap, still closes his eyes and takes a series of deep breaths until his stress passes, but for whatever reason, he feels significantly less tense.
and when, after the third boom, he decides just
 not to let go of your hand? who are you to try and force him?
there’s
 just one problem, though. you’re ecstatic that the storm isn’t bothering jeonghan as much, now. that he can talk absolute nonsense to you in your private little hideaway, that he can lean his head against your shoulder and chuckle at your bad jokes and even crack a few of his own. genuinely, you could not be happier. for him.
but there was more reason than wanting to sleep in your own bed that had you desperately trying to get home before you realised the gravity of your best friend’s situation. 
with every new growl of thunder outside, something low in your stomach twists, accompanied by an ache, a warmth, a throbbing between your thighs. at first, it was easy enough to battle through. you kept telling yourself that the thunder never lasts too long, that you could get through this without jeonghan being any the wiser, that everything was going to be fine. but now, almost an hour later, the buzz of electricity in the atmosphere and the entirely-too-addicting scent of your best friend’s fabric softener has you feeling hot enough you could faint.
you twist and shuffle over and over, hoping to find a position that eases the throbbing. it’s fine, you think, taking a deep breath and praying to every deity you can recall by name that jeonghan doesn’t notice your discomfort. i can do this. it’s fine. just a little while longer.
a spectacular boom sounds through the apartment and jeonghan’s fingers tighten around yours so much that, against all your better judgement, you let out a loud gasp. not out of pain, though – no, you wish. if only it was that easy. ha. no – as he squeezes your hand, images flash through your mind of him being the one to relieve you of the tension building up beneath your skin. of him gripping and grasping and tugging, thrusting, tasting, adoring. your throat runs dry and you squeeze your thighs together desperately, pinching your lips tight, willing your pounding heart to calm the fuck down. willing your cunt to stop drooling into your panties.
“fuck,” you breathe when he finally lets go. you feel him shuffle at your side and prop himself up on one elbow, looking down at your face with mild terror written into the lines of his own.
“i’m so sorry – did that hurt?” he asks, searching your eyes for any kind of clue. you wish he wouldn’t. surely, you think, pressing your tongue harshly against the roof of your mouth, surely my pupils are blown to oblivion, right now.
you shake your head, not trusting yourself to speak.
“are you sure?” he asks, slowly running his fingers down your arm, moving to take hold of your hand again if you’ll let him. you flinch, the drag of his nails akin to an electric shock – like being struck by lightning, you tell yourself – and he snaps his hand back straight away. “what’s wrong?”
“nothing,” you hurry, pushing yourself up to sit (almost head-butting him in the process) and groaning at the way the seam on your jeans rubs against your clit. who wears fucking jeans to a movie night? what absolute moron–
“do you feel okay?” jeonghan questions, sitting fully upright now too. “do you think it was the foo–”
“oh my god, please,” you whimper, bowing your head, letting your hair fall around your face, shielding you from him. just a little. not quite enough. “please. i’m fine. stop asking. i’m fine.”
“said everyone, ever, who was in fact – not fine,” jeonghan quips. “do you need water? i can help, just talk to me–”
“jeonghan,” you snap, whipping your head back up. your face feels hot and you don’t know if you’ve ever felt this tense before in all your years on this earth. all your muscles are tweaking in anticipation for something that most certainly is not going to happen, and you really need him to stop talking in that deep, smooth, caring voice. with immediate effect. for the love of god – 

and heaven above, the penny drops. 
jeonghan’s concerned expression turns to one of complete shock and you cover your face with both hands, trying so desperately hard not to be perceived by him in this most humiliating of moments. he doesn’t say anything for a second, and you tell yourself that he’s probably trying to find either a terrible joke to ease the tension or a way to tell you to go home. you don’t know which would be worse, but it’s only a matter of time until you find out.
therefore, you definitely don’t expect him to pry your hands away from your cheeks, and for his shit-eating, impishly charming, handsome-as-fuck grin to be the first thing your eyes land on when you open them.
“really? thunderstorms?” he asks, close enough that you feel the breaths that his words don’t quite steal. “that’s your kink?”
“it’s not a kink,” you whine, throwing your hands down either side of you. he doesn’t release his hold on your wrist, though. “come on, don’t be–”
“of all the things you could be into,” he says. oh, he’s back. he’s back with a vengeance. you suppose, really, you should be glad that he’s feeling more like his usual self, but the fact that it’s at your expense? that there’s no-one else around for him to turn on instead? that this is your topic of conversation at ten past midnight on his living room floor?
“hannie, please,” you huff, lips drawing downwards into a frowning pout. the ache isn’t going away. why isn’t it going away? why is this cocky, smirking version of your best friend making you feel even hotter under the collar? what’s going on? “don’t you think i’ve suffered enough?”
“not even nearly,” he says, sitting up on his knees, resting his palms on his thighs. “since when? how did you even fig–”
boom.
and his jaw falls slack, watching you squirm.
you’re quite literally fighting for your life. or, at minimum, for your friendship. because, really, you could jump jeonghan’s bones right now and you don’t actually think he’d turn you down (something to be filed under: thoughts that are not making this any easier). but that’s not what you’re trying to do; you’re trying to help him feel better, and take his mind off his fear, and when he pulls his bottom lip between his bottom teeth before speaking –
“okay, wait. hear me out.”
to both of your surprises, you do. you don’t try and protest, which he was sort of expecting you to do. you don’t tell him to shut up, you don’t try and get away from him. you sit there, eyes wide, hands curling into the blankets beneath your slowly numbing ass, and you wait for him to continue.
“i can help you.”
your heart shoots up into your throat and you struggle to swallow around it. your breaths are heavy, laboured, your lips parted and a little swollen from how you’ve been biting at them for the past hour and a bit.
“you don’t have to–”
“shut up, y/n,” he says dismissively, crawling in front of you and lifting your hands away from the bedding you’re kneading (pathetically, in his professional opinion) like a cat. “listen. you’ve helped me so much tonight, you don’t even know. let me return the favour.”
“hannie
”
“hannie,” he whines, in a poor imitation of your voice. “hannie, i only helped you because you needed me– is that it? look at you, y/n. you’re a mess.”
if this were anyone else, you’d be livid. not only at the way he so effortlessly makes fun of you, but at the fact that he accurately finished your sentence without having anything more than an affectionate nickname to work from as a hint. you don’t know what to say, suddenly stunned into silence, but it’s all right. you don’t need to say anything; he keeps going.
“you need me. let me help you – look. it’s my birthday.”
he wants this, you think to yourself, growing slightly concerned by the way your heart continues to hammer in your throat. he wants
 me.
you give one slow, but definite, nod of your head and jeonghan’s grin grows from cocky to genuine. he crawls until he’s right up in your space, lifting a hand to your cheek, and you forget how to breathe for a moment as he looks you in the eyes with more heat than the mid-august sun.
“lie down,” he says, pushing that last little bit closer and capturing your lips in a kiss. it’s short, but mind-boggling. your brain goes totally blank when he pulls away. “it’s okay. i’ve got you.”
but you do as he says and shuffle around the little fort so you’re on your back, head resting against one of the many pillows you’re grateful you brought in here with you. he crawls on top of you, then, caging you in with one hand either side of your head, settling with one of his knees slotted between your just-parted thighs. 
“okay?” he asks, searching your face for any signs of discomfort or worry. he doesn’t find any, though – he’s met only with a perhaps too enthusiastic nod and your hands playing at the hem of his sweatshirt. he chuckles, bending down to kiss you again, a little deeper this time, a little longer. open-mouthed and hot, swiping his tongue over your bottom lip, dropping onto one elbow so his torso lies almost flush against yours. 
“easy, tiger. taking care of you, right now.”
you sigh as his lips start to descend down the column of your throat, and you press your shoulders back into the blankets to try and push that little bit closer to him. one of his hands slips beneath your own shirt and his palm comes to rest flush against your hip, dragging his thumb in small circles over your skin. 
“this,” he mumbles into your collarbone, tugging the neckline of the garment between his teeth for a moment so you know what he’s referring to. “off.”
“bossy,” you mumble, your body cold all of a sudden as he sits back away from you and you tug your t-shirt off over your head. as you do, he reaches behind his neck and tugs off his sweatshirt as well before he tosses it up near your head, out of the way.
now, this is certainly not the first time you’ve ever been around jeonghan without anything covering his top half, but it is something that you rarely get the chance to see. if it’s not the fact that he’s chronically freezing cold, it’s because he’s grown emotionally attached to some of the baggiest tops known to mankind, or he’s worried about getting a sunburn so is still covered up at the beach. for one reason or another, this just isn’t something you’re blessed to see very often, and he looks so good you almost forget that it’s him.
of course, that only lasts until he says something really fucking dumb. in other words, all of about three seconds.
“how
 practical,” he says, eyes trained down on the bra covering your tits. in a way, it’s probably a good thing you’ve snapped back to your senses, because you once again find yourself thinking that if this were anyone else, you’d have told them to get off you and never call you again.
but why is jeonghan, of all people, criticising your choice of comfy underwear
 weirdly endearing?
“sorry,” you grunt, making no effort to hide the (flesh-toned, full-coverage, entirely too old) bra that he’s looking at like it’s personally offending him. “didn’t expect to need to impress, tonight.”
“don’t be sorry,” jeonghan says, shaking his head as he unpops the button on your jeans and tugs them down over your hips. “just
 do better next time, yeah?”
you laugh so suddenly, so abruptly, so loudly that you choke on your own spit and end up coughing a little, propping up on one elbow to try and relieve the burn in your lungs as he continues to work your pants off your legs. by the time he scrunches them into a ball and puts them to the side, too, you’ve managed to catch your breath, and gasp out, “next time?”
“next time,” he nods, making himself comfortable between your thighs. he lays one palm on the inside of each knee, pushing them as far apart as your hips will allow, before he brings one hand over your covered cunt and drags his thumb up and down your slit.
you don’t even get a chance to ask why he’s so sure there’ll be a next time. he skillfully works you through the material and in seconds, has you tipping your head back into the pillows, moaning at the overwhelming feeling of finally being touched.
“so fucking wet,” he sighs, feeling your arousal through the cotton of your underwear, pressing the material between your folds. his thumb circles your clit over and over, the pressure just right – not so light that he’s teasing, not so hard that you’re squirming away from him. hell, if you knew he was this good, you’d have dragged him into bed years ago.
“come on, hannie,” you gulp as he starts to work his thumb faster, starts to massage at your inner thigh with his other hand. “need more
”
well, he doesn’t need to be told twice. you lift your hips and he tugs your panties down your thighs, unhooking them from around your ankles. you expect him to, you know, return to business, but he does something just a little bit unhinged first and brings your soaked underwear up to his face. you hear how deeply, how loudly he inhales, the subsequent groan he gives even louder, and you swear the reason you end up bumping his hip with your knee is to bring him back to earth, because it actually feels like he’s forgotten you’re lying right there.
“i’ll do it myself, in a minute,” you threaten, and jeonghan grins wickedly down at you as he lowers your panties down to join the rest of your discarded clothes. 
“no you won’t,” he tells you – he tells you? – , finally now lying down between your legs, just inches away from your glistening cunt. “god – as if i’d ever let that happen.”
“i swear– ” you start, half a second before one of his fingers presses against your hole. you stop talking with a gasp, a hand flying to your chest and squeezing against your tit. just like that. in a heartbeat, you’re done for. 
he seems intent on gathering as much of your arousal on his fingertip as he possibly can, running it through your folds, pressing it inside you, smearing your slick all over and then some like a fucked-up painting. only once he’s satisfied does he finally start to work his finger in and out, pressing his lips just above where your clit is begging for his attention.
“don’t play stupid,” you chide him when he looks up at you through his lashes, eyes wide and feigning innocence. “if you can find it through my underwear, you can find it now.”
“bossy,” jeonghan tuts. “what’s with the rush, huh?” 
and he adds another finger to the first, both long and elegant and reaching spots inside you that your own physically can’t. you keen against your will, hips reacting of their own accord, trying to fuck your pussy down against his hand. he makes no effort to stop you.
“m’not gonna beg,” you tell him. “just – fuck, get your mouth on me. now.”
to his credit, he does.
and more to his credit, being eaten out has never, ever felt this good.
the hand not grasping at your chest shoots down to tangle in his long, silky hair, and jeonghan moans loudly against your pussy as he laves his tongue everywhere he can. over your clit, between your folds, slipping it inside your hole in place of his fingers – he’s relentless, slurping and groaning and finding some sort of insane stamina from somewhere deep in his soul. you swear to god, this is not the man who sometimes falls asleep with his light on because he doesn’t have the energy to get up and turn them off.
within a matter of minutes, you can feel the coil in the pit of your stomach growing tighter and tighter, your walls fluttering around his fingers, your moans and whines only getting louder by the minute. your legs are shaking. your thoughts are little more than static, and him. at some point – you don’t know when –, jeonghan reached around your hips to pull your thighs together and clamped them around his ears, mumbling against your clit something to the effect of to help with the thunder. (you don’t mention that there hasn’t actually been another thunder crack since he started making out with your pussy. it doesn’t feel relevant, somehow.)
every time you tighten your thighs, every time you squirm, he hugs you tighter against his cheeks and you just end up humping against his tongue. something tells you maybe that was the plan all along? 
sparks of energy start to prickle all over your skin as you teeter on the edge of your high. your fist tightens in jeonghan’s hair, your breaths become fewer and further between. it’s frankly a bit of a miracle you’ve even managed to last this long – you held back as long as you could, determined to milk as much of the pleasure his hands and his mouth so skillfully bring as you can. just in case there’s no next time, but
 hell, do you hope there is.
“hannie, i’m–” you gasp, his fingers curling upwards again and resuming their earlier assault on your g-spot. “fuck, hannie, i’m so close–”
“mm, have been for a while, huh?” he asks, drawing his mouth away from you, licking his tongue over his arousal-slickened lips. “you’ve been holding out on me.”
“yeah, but-... i wanna come so bad,” you swallow. jeonghan flicks his tongue out over your clit again and you jolt up into the touch. “please, don’t stop.”
“won’t,” he promises. and it’s the last thing he says before his lips meet your pussy again and he brings you over the edge into the most electrifying of climaxes.
by the time you’ve stopped twitching with the aftershocks of your orgasm, jeonghan is sat up on his knees again, softly massaging at your hips with his thumbs. your vision is still kind of fuzzy at the edges when you glance up at him, and for a moment, with a hazy outline and an amber glow behind him owed to the flashlight you set at the entrance to the fort, you think he looks a little too much like an angel.
“where the hell did that come from?” you ask him, fighting against the squirming in your belly. fighting against the sensation that feels a little too much like butterflies. 
“really?” he asks in a breathy laugh. “that’s-... i mean, do you actually want to know, or
?”
you mull this over for a moment before crossing your arms over your eyes and concealing yourself from his view, shaking your head. one part of you is morbidly curious as to how he got so good at giving head. the other part of you is too busy trying to gather the brain cells he just sent flying across about eight different dimensions.
“i think you’ve broken me, jeonghan,” you breathe, feeling more than seeing him lie down next to you again. his lips press sweetly against the curve of your shoulder. warmth radiates from that one spot, all over your body. you smile, like a complete loser. 
what’s worse is that you really don’t mind.
“is that a yes, then?” he asks, slinging an arm over your waist. you turn your head to look at him, eyes crossing a little with how unexpectedly close he is. 
“yes to what?” 
“to next time,” he says. his grin matches yours and you nod your head at him, yes. in your peripheral vision, you notice how he lifts one hand, extends his little finger. straight in front of you, you see both of his eyebrows raise.
you pinch your lips tight before hooking your own pinky through his, leaning in and pressing a short kiss to the pad of your thumb. the way you used to when you were kids. ‘you really can’t break those.’ he used to say. ‘they’re like, triple the strength’. 
saved for really important promises.
“to next time.”
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thank u so much for reading, i hope you enjoyed this. as always, your likes/reblogs/comments and feedback are always deeply appreciated.&lt;3
#yoon jeonghan smut#seventeen smut#j <3#you know when you have to pause because a piece of writing is so well done?#i felt that while i was reading this#j i don't know if I've said this to you before and honestly my apologies because you deserved to hear it much sooner#you are such a talented writer holy shit#you do such a great job setting up the atmosphere in your fics and establishing the dynamics between the people involved#i don't know why it took me so long to realise this but holy shit#this may be my favourite fic of your sos far#I'm sleepy and about to pass out so I'm sorry if this is extra messy#your prose? insane. you have such a warm feeling to your writing. i can't think of any other way to describe it#it's warm and flows so seamlessly#also your sense of humour? always has me cracking up at my screen#this just feels like Jeonghan. you just wrote him in such a way that I'm like yeah i can 700% seen jeonghan doing everything you wrote in#this#the fort :((((((( their entire dynamic is so endearing and honestly? me lmao. one of the inserts i relate to intimately#of course fucking Jeonghan would be able to tell immediately that you're horny. of course#and of course he'd be annoying about it. very on brand#oh to have yoon jeonghan eat me out to the point of near astral projection#the dream#the way you write smut too jesus christ#the only criticism i have of this is there wasn't any penetrative sex#THIS IS A JOKE I AM JOKING YOU DID A PHENOMENAL JOB AND THIS MIGHT BE MY FAVOURITE FIC OF YOURS#sorry it took me 85 years to read it#q: painting with hyunjin
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elytrafemme · 3 months ago
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ok i need to be very kind to myself and acknowledge that i had a good day regardless of how it ended but i did find out that my other best friend (no.4) is asking someone out meaning nearly every person i know is either at that stage or in a relationship and i’m wondering at what point do i start ramping up my insanity in hopes of finding any kind of love
#i’m hot these days (none of y’all liked my selfies though :/) but like. i was way more attractive#based on pure statistics when i was crazy fucking insane so like. i think that’s the strat.#i know this sounds horrible but i’m slowly going to lose my mind over this#i genuinely have no idea what i’m doing wrong i’ll fall in love with ANYBODY#it’s not even that i’m asexual strangers don’t know that that might be a moot point anyway!#people just don’t get drawn to me and it’s really fucking getting to me#because i don’t want to be like. wingman person anymore. i don’t WANT to date#but like i also need to. i need to be desired even if it really unsettles me#because i do want romance in general and if not right now then when?#i need to burn something down to be really honest because this is just.scary.#i’m watching everyone knowing they’ll leave me and i have no leverage or control#there’s nothing stopping them and if i had a lover maybe i could#i just can’t figure out what i’m doing wrong this is so fucking terrifying to me#i am starting to hate my appearance bc like should i? but i’m really pretty also?#and like maybe i’m not funny or cool enough. do i not know enough people?#do i just need to flirt with everyone? honestly i’ve tried that#do i need to lie and say i’m not a lesbian? do i need to stop talking? talk more?#i don’t understand why anybody likes me but i want to be loved forever so fucking bad#it’s killing me it’s KILLING ME. i don’t understand the dating scene i don’t get it#but i can be beautiful and funny and i can make it work but maybe i’m not good enough#i don’t know how to be a better person i’m so scared people will leave#maybe i stop saying i’m asexual and maybe that will make it work#i can’t tell if saying you’re asexual is a turn on or off i get really mixed reactions.#i don’t know. never listen to me about anything.#but look at my selfies i’m kind of going fucking insane about those too. but like idc#maybe i’m a hollow rotten person that seems about right. i mean. it’s a known fact that i can’t love. not really
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