#honestly though this is so unfair

[chronic--experiences]

Had the strength to go out for the first time in days today and I’m once again in agony. Gotta love this.

[lecinea]

Listen, both Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian were shitty parents that fucked their kids (& wwx) up in various different ways. But I will forever be more sympathetic to a frustrated woman in a patriarchal society stuck in a toxic marriage than to the man who has power and authority to change something but refuses to do it because he doesn't like conflict and pretends like nothing is wrong.

[ineed-to-sleep]

So what you’re saying is that datv is actually the new stardew valley huh? 🤔

JFJAKWKKEKDKDK MAYHAPS?? I've never played stardew valley tbh but this is what I imagine it to be like now 😭

[orcelito]

I think I cried harder today over my dad's jackets than I did at his deathbed. That was a miserable time of course, a memory that will likely be seared into my brain until I die, but I cried... I think a normal amount, all things considered. More than I ever usually do of course, but I typically don't cry At All. All this free crying is certainly surreal.

The jackets, though. I was put in charge of doing his laundry, because we don't want to pack up dirty clothes. I was expecting it to be unpleasant bc my dad's dirty clothes - gross. But really, it was much more unpleasant in that... those were his. It felt wrong to touch them. Felt wrong to treat his jackets as gross. Because they were just his jackets. They weren't even in the hamper. And then I was remembering him wearing them, and then I was crying. Again. And again. Weeping over these damn jackets.

Then I found a shirt on his bed that still smelled like him. It smelled like a Hug From Dad. And that set me off crying even harder.

In total, I think I cried like 6 times within 40 minutes. It took me that long to finish sorting the damn clothes bc I just. Was a wreck. Like, what are you supposed to do when you're living life like normal, vaguely hopeful bc you're taking steps to secure your own happiness, and then 4 days later you're sorting your dad's laundry because he fucking died. Suddenly. Without a goodbye.

And you have to worry about his lack of a will (even under an ideal situation, only 2 heirs and no conflicts between us, probate's a fucking Bitch), and arranging the funeral, and prepping his obituary, and picking out pictures, and writing a speech bc you want to talk at his funeral, of Course you want to talk at his funeral, but even just thinking about anecdotes you could share has you crying yet again.

I've cried more times in the past 3 days than likely the entirety of last YEAR. And that's WITH my cat, and uncle, and family friend dying. Those all hurt, my uncle most of all, & I was real fucked up over it. But this? This was my Dad. Likely the person I'd have named 2nd closest to me in my life, second only to my sister. He wasn't perfect, but he did so much for me throughout my entire life. All he wanted was to raise us to be happy and independent. And he accomplished it, we're getting by without him, but we still wanted several more decades with him. He was only 57. We should've gotten several more decades with him.

But here we are now. Playing investigators to his life, digging into all his shit, trying to find documents and take inventory of all his things, and learning Many things about him in the process. In his lockbox of sensitive documents, like his SSN and birth certificate and all that stuff, we found an old letter. About a decade old now, written in my hand. Right at the very top, we found that he'd kept the letter I wrote to him telling him frankly about my struggles and the things I wanted him to do better. He kept it. He tried to take it to heart. He looked at it again, sometime more recently than all the rest of the documents. That was on top.

His love for us is evident everywhere. The pictures he has hanging up all over the place, majority of them with us in them. The old fathers day cards placed on display in his bedroom bookshelf. The gifts we gave him, even stupid little knick knacks, placed around his apartment with pride. I wish we'd taken more videos of him. I don't want to forget the sound of his voice. I don't want to forget his smell either, the smell of a Hug From Dad, but I still tossed that shirt into the wash even though it felt like saying yet another goodbye.

It's the suddenness that hurts the most, I think. We were planning on having him help me finally get my license this year. My final words to him, the last thing he would've seen from me, were messages asking up on whether he'd called his car insurance company to make sure there wouldn't be problems. I should've called him more. I don't know if I'm going to learn from this.

I cut my 2 weeks off early to have time to grieve and to work on things for the funeral and settling the estate. The last thing I'd wanna do right now is selling fucking bubble tea in a job I already decided to leave. So here I am without a job, though with potentially two life insurance policy payouts to come. Inheriting half his 401k. Inheriting couches, knickknacks, keepsakes, paintings, art pieces, maybe even his guitar and other furniture if we can figure out what to do about space (I don't have room for this furniture, I don't know if I even have room for the couches, but God do I want to keep so much of this furniture). It has me even considering keeping one of his guns, just one. A tiny little revolver, it sits so comfortably in my hand. I don't even want to use it for anything. I just want to have it, keep it stored in a drawer with its ammo kept separate. I don't like guns, but this is a part of him. He loved collecting guns. He was about as responsible with them as someone can be, keeping them locked in a lockbox and impressing upon his children the importance of gun safety (I've known the basic gun safety rules ever since I was a little kid. Of course, of course, of course.) It reminds me of him. It's horrifically easy to have a gun in Indiana. I apparently don't even need a permit to carry anymore. (I have no intention to ever carry this in public.)

It's all a cycle. Business, grief, thoughts about my future. Round and round, like the most nauseating carousel in existence. I don't know how I'm still so functional. My skills with compartmentalization have been my lifesaver.

And im just thinking about the story my dad's best friend shared today. About a friend of theirs who lost her father. She reached out after hearing about my dad to share his words with her: "it's okay to grieve, but don't make his death your life".

He explicitly referenced himself in this, saying if he were to die suddenly that he wouldn't want us to define ourselves by it. Grief is expected, but he wants us to be able to move on. He's always wanted us to establish ourselves and make ourselves happy. He wouldn't want to be a weight holding us back from that.

So every time I start to feel guilty for thinking about having nicer furniture or using his life insurance payout to fund the rest of my college, I remind myself of that. Thinking about the material isn't a bad thing. I'm only human. And in the end, he'd Want me to be thinking about it. He never intended to die, certainly not without warning like this, so he would've only encouraged me being pragmatic about it all.

He only ever wanted us to be happy. So I need to do what I can to live up to that.

I love him. I miss him already.

[greencarnation]

Can you imagine if the French invaded Britain and killed a bunch of people displaced a bunch more and then shoved what was left into like. Aberdeen. And then bombed the shit out of Aberdeen for 75 years and didn't let anyone leave. And if you tried to get out they killed your whole family and called you a terrorist. And the whole world was like omg you're barbarians France has a right to defend itself even though that's literally not even France it's Britain, France just invaded and stuck French flags everywhere. And then France killed 20,000 people mostly British kids in like a month but if anyone says hey maybe France should stop killing the kids then they're anti-French and they support terrorism and genocide. That would be crazy right

[mouseratz]

"Bruce being violently protective of Selina" she doesn't need all that. she's fine at protecting herself nine times out of ten and, generally, fiercely independent (which has been one of the major obstacles between them). she also probably doesn't super love the fact that he can be violent & extremely reactive (in many stories saving her female friends or being fiercely protective of them because of the violence, which is also often of a sexual nature, that they face). just a hunch... I don't think she'd be like all that into it even though the superhero stuff obviously is sexy/cool at times right. she usually is less playing "oh woe is me damsel in distress" and more so playing "I'm being bad and you should chase me about it". let's be real. the dynamic is wrong if youre looking at the first one

[comradecowplant]

I love how the primary cure for heat rash is Just Stop Being In The Heat :) which..... simply is not feasible for me rn!!!

[sodrippy]

you ever thinking through something out loud and suddenly realise 'oh, i have like. ISSUE-issues...'

[salsflore]

GAHHH why do i keep seeing posts in the self ship tags that are against being uncomfy with sharing f/os ... theyre usually like chill(?) but last time i saw one that was super aggressive for no reason

[sendhelplease]

god fucking damn it

[rubys-domain]

man. my lyney just dropped 70k on his skill. i think that's the highest skill pop i've ever had on record

[artilaz]

Cool shot of a cool shooter or something idk I’m not an archer.

This is Faobo Yorasiz, and he’s originally one of my independent fantasy OCs, but I decided to try and see if I could make a good looking character model for him in Final Fantasy, and except for some small details, he gets really close to the original! So I guess I’ve got an Eorzea headcanon universe going on now.

Faobo may look edgy and shady af, but he is one of Aozhan Monbaro’s most trusted soldiers, and the idea here is that he isn’t actually the Warrior of Light (because Aozhan is, because who else), but pretty much something like a companion/side character, trying to find his Captain and help him save yet another world, and just solving a lot of the people’s smaller problems along the way. So while I will be playing the MSQ with him for the sake of unlocking content, he’s mainly meant to be a sidequest guy

[sternbilder]

@shamisense OH +++++1 HARD SAME

personally I don't mind daily or near-daily contact (since once I settle on a partner my intention long-term is to live with them and have to see them every day anyway), but even with someone I'm dating full-on text conversations every day or a constant asynchronous stream of texts with an expectation for quick reply would get exhausting for me very quickly and was one of the many reasons some of my previous relationships have been absolute nightmares for me

thankfully I think I finally may have met someone who is more my speed but I FEEL you that it's like #therearedozensofus and it's def not always easy to find

fwiw now that it's something I'm hyperaware of I've found that most dates are actually super receptive to talk about this if you just ask directly, like "how often would you prefer to text/call/meet up, and what does that look like for you in the early stages vs. a committed relationship?" it's been kind of very easy to weed out people who were obviously looking for much more frequent communication than I was tbh within like 1-2 dates

[sapnapstummy]

yeah the antis are actively slaughtering dream its fucked lol. like regardless of whether you hate him cdream is litearlly a textbook sexyman its so dumb

Whatever it's a free blocklist, like they get that cpk and dream are friends right ? Like cpk is a dream defender and honestly just a nice person all around, but yeah

[steampoweredskeleton]

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Ignore

[bad-at-metaphors]

support group for restaurant managers spouses wya