#honestly this was so hard to write because of course its a middle grade book so it won't have that much depth especially as kind of lgbt 10

[writer-citation-needed]

Different Kinds of Fruit is a middle-grade novel centered around Annabelle, who has lived in the same small town and gone to the same non-traditional school with the same group of kids since she was in kindergarten. Hardly anything changes for her until the first day of sixth grade, when a new kid says that they've not only just moved from Seattle but are nonbinary (something she's never heard of). With a glimpse into a life so far from her own, Annabelle learns more about those around her than she ever thought sixth grade would teach.

It took me about a week to sum up my thoughts on this novel, because while I really enjoyed most of it scene-to-scene, I think it drops the ball on many of the larger issues it contains. Given the number of subplots and themes, the ending is quite messy, but I think it could be a very important book for young readers. For the most part, this novel has a lot of heart and great queer rep in nearly all areas.

My favorite aspect of Different Kinds of Fruit is the protagonist, Annabelle. She is super endearing in her kindness, curiosity and her passion for supporting the various causes of her classmates. I really loved her narrative voice and thought she was incredibly funny and charming. I also related to her a lot in her simultaneous confusion of and desire to explore her sexuality and it was satisfying to see her come into her own by the end. I was really surprised that she didn't end up being ace though, given that at the beginning she describes herself as "someone who didn't like boys, but didn't like girls either." In a book filled with rep of all kinds I was really excited to have an ace MC but was fine with her ending up coming out as pan and dating one of her newly-trans classmates in the epilogue :]

Other than the very main plot surrounding Annabelle and Bailey, I think the book gets really messy and sat poorly with me at parts. For the most part, this can be summed up in two points: too many subplots and a huge lack of nuance.

Lack of Focus

I mentioned how it's hard to concisely describe this book, and that is mainly because of how many subplots are added without much resolve. I don't think it had to be a bad thing though! When we're introduced to the new teacher Amy, the class believes they will be able to learn about more than the standard sixth-grade social studies unit and begin to suggest a year-long curriculum covering many social and environmental justice topics. Annabelle herself is involved with two major projects as a part of the class's interest- the National Coming Out Day panel and a solar power proposal. While both are shut down due to Dixon and his mother, only the first gets any kind of narrative followthrough. The solar panels, which would have calmed Annabelle's climate anxiety as described many times throughout the book? Dismissed in the epilogue. Of course, I understand that the story sort of requires more time and plot for the LGBTQ issues, but I don't understand why the main character's secondary concern is treated (I feel) more like a catalyst for her to fall in love with one of her classmates (ALSO only in the epilogue) rather than a genuine theme.

What makes the dismissal of the environmental theme worse is that so much of the queer subplot are also completely unresolved! As much as I liked Annabelle's parents coming out and having a q&a with her class (and how they formed a local support group in the epilogue) it only worked to tie up (most of) the interpersonal conflict, not the systematic conflict. Even in the epilogue, nothing is done to make the Lab more inclusive despite the major subplot of E being kicked out of school in another town and Annabelle's realization that her school is not as progressive as she thought. I was really disappointed that the social justice was limited to one parent storming out of the class angrily and the principal being contradicted and forced to do the huge act of.. allowing Annabelle's parents to talk about their identities for an hour. While the epilogue does see more action done, it is super short and mainly done in a "look what we did in the past year! yay!" kind of way. I would really have preferred for the events mentioned in the epilogue to have more time than some of the build up for a very small-scale revolution on the LGBTQ front and a barely-resolved environmental project.

One-sided Argument

This part is tricky. Obviously this is a kid's book, but I found there to be such little nuance in the conflict between Bailey and Annabelle's dad. It really made me dislike Bailey in these scenes, because they seemed to make no effort to understand him meanwhile he must overcome his years of trauma and history to fit into Bailey's idea of trans ideology. Rather than both characters learning from each other, Annabelle's dad is treated like he's just some uncultured boomer instead of a part of a very real conversation about identity. Honestly, I found Bailey to be very privileged and though they sort of point to that a couple times, it seems incredibly naive for them to not even attempt to understand a world where it isn't acceptable to introduce yourself to your class by saying "I'm nonbinary, and while you might not even know what that is or how they/them pronouns work, I'm going to be very offended if you try to ask me anything about my identity that isn't perfectly politically correct as I see fit". Like, I hope that all kids can explore their identity without any pushback like Bailey and their friends, but I feel that this outlook completely diminishes what could have been a really interesting perspective on queer issues from Annabelle's dad (which I thought was why the spectrum families setting was made prominent (instead we just got introduced to new side characters that were really only there for one scene and to magically turn Mike into the perfect activist)

General Thoughts

Overall, I like Different Kinds of Fruit as an introduction to queer identities for younger readers. The main character is very relatable and kind, and I loved her journey of self-discovery and her quest for social justice, both interpersonally and on a larger scale. I did find, however, that there was simultaneously too much going on for the time frame of the novel and not enough nuance for a story that prominently features both younger and older queer characters. In terms of a cute and informative queer middle grade novel though, I would give this a recommendation.

[tc-doherty]

Stories I would have liked as a kid (through high school):

Celestials, I think I would have liked it even more if I had pushed the concept a little bit further but I was writing this for the actual middle grade age range so I didn't want to make it too fucked up

Second Chances, I started writing this in high school and it's only gotten more overwrought since then, this would've given me such serious brainrot

Laero, given that this vaguely started out as a tribute to Redwall which I was obsessed with as a kid, I think that I also would have liked it

Untitled 2, tribute to xianxia, which I admittedly did not know about at the time, but also the shonen manga that I loved a lot when I was a kid so definitely

Hildspel of Athelhyrst, very Fire Emblem-y so yeah, I would have liked it. I also think I would've found the idea very entertaining even back then considering how I was moderately into conlangs

Magic Black as Knight, it's a gay tragedy, what more do you want me to say?

Stories I would've started appreciating in college:

Miracles, I could see this one going in the above category as well but I think, in all honesty, for it to have been true Arwyn would need to be the main character, not Larkin

Hoofbeats, I don't have an exact reason for this one I just kind of think it would be true because even though I've been obsessed with horses for a million years I didn't actually read horse books when I was young

The Deadlands, hard to say exactly about this one because it needs to be rehauled so thoroughly but I feel safe putting it here

Untitled 3, this also could possibly go up in the above category but as I'm thinking about making it much more comedic and I generally didn't/don't care for comedy I'm gonna say that it goes here more

Silverwood, this almost certainly comes as a shock because of course Silverwood has been around since middle school however the plot of the story back then was very different as were the relationships between the characters. So Silverwood in its current form I'm not sure if I would have liked it as much, or else I probably would've written it like this to begin with

Stories I would not have liked until I was an adult:

Dragon's Daughter, honestly it's just not angsty enough for me to have put up with it when I was younger

Temitope, the main characters are both character types that I definitely appreciate more as an adult so while I think I would have read it when I was young I don't think I would've enjoyed it as much

Northbound, it is true that I've always liked war strategy being obsessed with Fire Emblem from a young age, but I don't actually know at what point in time I started getting really into the kind of politics that Northbound is focused on so I feel the most comfortable putting it here

[slythraco]

Hateful - D.M (Part 1)

Request: omg I love your writing and i dont know others who write abt Tom and Julian and I love it sm!!! could you do a sort of enemies to lovers with Draco where the reader is Gryffindor? its ok if u dont want to, keep up with the good work It’s amazing ! 🥰🥰

Author’s Note: thank you for your request sweetie ! Hope you’ll like it ! I’ll write this request in several parts ‘cause i have a lot of ideas so here’s part 1 and the other will be up soon ! 

Warnings: Swears

Words count: 3K

Masterlist

_____________

Your friend rushes in the classroom, crossing the icy glance of Professor Snape. “You’re late…” He says in his usual scary monotone voice. “Y…yes… I-…I’m sorry Mr Snape.” She mumbles as she states of the ground, completely terrified. She jumps slightly when she hears giggles coming from the back of the classroom. Hearing them too, you turn around to see who they were coming from. ‘Of course, Malfoy.’ You thought to yourself when you see him laughing with his friends. “I-I’m…s-so…sorry !” The blondie giggles after imitating her. You roll your eyes as you turn back to look at your comrade.

“I remove 10 points for Hufflepuff, now, go take a sit.” Said the professor. F/N don’t lose a second to join the place beside you. “Where were you ?” You ask as she sat down. “I had to go back to my dorm, I forgot my wand !” She shouted in panic. “One day you’ll forget your head there !” You tease before giggling under her confused gaze. It was a usual thing for F/N to forget her stuff in her dorm, but usually she manages to be in time. “Wow F/L/N lost points ! She should be careful to not turn into a real Slytherin !” A voice says from behind you right before a more unbearable one opens up. “Come on Blaise ! You know we won’t let a bloody Hufflepuff here ! And a mudblood on top of that.” You turn in less than a quarter of seconds as soon as you hear Malfoy insult your friend. “Shut up Malfoy !”

A devilish smile appears on Draco’s face, having the reaction he wanted. “Oh look Blaise, F/L/N got herself a bodyguard.” Your jaw clenches as you plant your gaze into his. “What exactly didn’t you understand in ‘Shut up’ Malfoy ? I knew you were an idiot but at this point ?” It was Draco’s turn to clench his jaw, you could see the bone of it in his cheek, making him overly sexy and hateful. But he didn’t answer. “That’s what I thought.” You whispered before turning back to listen to the lesson. “Thank you Y/N...” You friend murmurs as she smiles at you. “It’s a pleasure to be your bodyguard F/N !” You wink at her.

•••

You were about to come out of the classroom but the professor’s voice stops you. “Miss Y/L/N, may I talk to you please ?” You turn around, shrugging your shoulders in front of Hermione and Ron who were waiting in the corridor. “Yes, of course professor !” You say as you step back to walk towards his desk. Snape slowly put an eye on you, seeing the little apprehension on your face. “I saw your grades in my class are going down...can you explain yourself ?” He asked in his monotonous voice. “Hum...yes ! I-I don’t really understand anything lately...” You say honestly but suddenly regrets when you see his disappointed face. “Would you like some help ?” He proposes.

“Yes ! With pleasure actually !” You shouted in excitement, it was true, your grades were getting bad even with all the explaining of Hermione you couldn’t understand anything in your potion book. “Fine, I’ll pair you with my best student.” You simply nod, waiting for him to tell you who it is, but he doesn’t say anything. “You’ll meet him in the library tonight. You can go now.” You frown slightly at what he says, why won’t he tell who is going to help you, but you're way to scared of your professor to say anything more than: “Okay, have a good day professor !”

You then finally come out to join your friends. Ron greets you with a big smile while his girlfriend looks worried. “What did he want ?” She asks. “He proposed some help for my grades.” You simply explain as you start to make your way into the Gryffindor’s common room. “He asked someone to do it, I’ll meet him tonight at the library.” You finished, followed by your two best-friends. “Alright, let’s meet Harry, he’s waiting for us.” Ron said. Before you could say anything or react to what he said, Someone bumps into you in the middle of the corridor, making you drop your books all over the floor. Without even apologising, the person walks away as if nothing happened. You raise your head to see who was responsible for your problems. You see red as soon as you see Malfoy giggling in your face before turn around and walk away, of course, it could only be him.

The blondie was making you go through hell for years now, since your first year he loved to bully you and all the other students in Hogwarts. But he was always more virulent with you. You explained it to yourself by the fact that you were friends with the Golden Trio but nothing could forgive that attitude. For a second you thought of leaning to pick up your stuff and say nothing, but it would be a betrayal to the colour of your tie. So you took all your courage and shouted. “Hey Malfoy ! Didn't your family gave you a good education !” You screamed across the corridor. He suddenly stops in his walk and turn towards you.

You can see the anger in his eyes which satisfy you for a second. He starts walking back towards you, the features of his face are almost frighteningly hard, “is he going to hurt me? Have I gone too far ?

Oh, please Y/N ! Don't shirk for this poor bastard.” You thought to yourself before opening your mouth again.

"A gentleman would take the time to apologize, help the girl he has just pushed and pick up her things, but apparently it's not very common in the Malfoy family !” You shouted through the corridor while Malfoy reduce the distance between us until he stops a few centimetres away. “Don't you dare talk about my education !” He says out of anger, you frown. “Or what ?” You tease. “Don't get on my nerves Y/L/N." You can’t help but let a little smile appear on your face, as sadistic as that may be, you loved to make him crazy.

“Or what ?” You take a step towards him, an air of defiance in your eyes, while you take a slightly lower voice.

“I said shut up you stupid bitch !” He almost screams in your face. Ron was about to do something when he heard him insult you but Hermione stops him before he could do anything.

You ignore the Slytherin’s insult, lean your head slightly to the side and move a bit more towards him, reducing the distance between you more and more.

« Make me » You said followed by a provocative smile. You stare at him straight in the eyes, but you noticed that he didn't do the same, his gaze was directly on your lips, which made you take a little step back with a frown. “What is happening to him ?” You thought to yourself.

He starts to smile before turning around again and leaving for good this time, by shoving the other students who had gathered around you to see your little argument. You don't really know why everyone is always surprised, it's not like it's the first time you've had a fight in the hallway.

“Yeah, run away bastard !” Ron growled behind you, your turn around to look at your friends. They seem to not understand the situation either, Hermione still has her arm before Ron to provide him from jumping on Malfoy. “It’s okay Ron.” You whispered to the ginger head. “No it’s not ! You let him insult you Y/N ! He deserves a beating from me !” You see Ronald clenches his jaw. “You’re not going to do anything Ronald Weasley !” Hermione shouted to calm him down by her deadly eyes. “Let’s go now !” She leans to the floor to pick up your books, you quickly follow the movement. “We shouldn’t explain what happened to Harry, he’s gonna mad way too mad.” She whispered while I pick up the last book and give it to you.

“Yes, Malfoy would be dead by now if he was here.” Ron added as you and your friend straighten up. “As much as I hate Malfoy, I don’t want to be responsible for his death.” You said in a giggle before you start walking into the corridors to reach the Gryffindor’s common room like you were supposed to in the first place.

By chance, your friends haven’t seen Draco look at your lips, or they haven’t talked to you about it yet. After a few minutes, you finally enter the room after saying the password. You three jumps when you face Harry, hand in is hips. “May I know why when I left you for a single day because I’m sick, I hear about your fight with Malfoy ?” He asked you directly, it was a miss to not tell him anything. Of course, you and Draco became the attraction of the day and everyone was talking about it. “I-...”

“What happened ?” He asked again. “He pushed her in the corridor, and she found it clever to point this out to him” Ron explained, making you and Hermione gasp. “Hum, what happened to ‘we don’t say anything to Harry ?” Hermione shouted in shock. “You wanted to lie to me !” Potter screamed, even more in shock. “We didn't want to lie, we just wanted to omit some informations.” You said, like it was normal. “Which informations ?” He asked. Ron responded. “He called her a bitch.” Hermione gasp again before hitting him with her book. “Ronald !” She screamed. “‘Mione, he already knows what’s the point of not telling him ?” She sighs and rolls her eyes. She was about to say something but Harry cut her off.

“He did what ?” You three don’t make a move. “This one will see what I’m made of !” Harry shouted before walking fast to get out of the room but Hermione stops him first. “No Harry ! Don’t give him what he wants !” She screamed him, blocking his way. “He insulted my sister, and you think he should get away with it !” ‘My sister’ you weren’t his real sister, but you would definitely like one to him. You could see the amount of anger in his face, looking straight into Hermione eyes, for a second she thought he could hurt her just to get out of there. “I kind of had it coming Harry.” She said, out of shame, but it was true. You pointed out to him, then you teased him until he was so angry that he insulted you. Harry turn around to look at you, confused.

“He warned me but a still responded to him.” You explain. “Why ?” He asked as he pulls away from Hermione. “Why ? You should know by now that I’m not the type to let people get away when they’re being complete assholes !” You giggle nervously. “Well, you don’t want to do this with Malfoy.” He answered as he walks slowly towards you. You roll your eyes, it was always the same conversation. “Harry listen, I understand you’re worried about me, but I can protect myself, especially against Malfoy. I mean, you act like he’s gonna Avada Kedrava me, but he’s a coward he’s not going to do anything !” You explain, a bit irritated. Harry and the other told you a thousand time already to be careful of him but as long as you’ve been in this school, the only thing the blond guy did was bully the other, it’s not like he got physical or anything. And you were far from being scared of him. “On that note, I have to leave.” You said as you look at the clock on the common’s room wall.

“Where are you going ?” Harry asked, but you leave before answering, Ron and Hermione do it at your place. You sigh as you walk through the corridors again, choosing to wait for your lesson in the library instead of supporting Harry’s comments. Once you reach the place of rendezvous you walk through the bookshelves to find a book to read. After a few minutes you finally find one and sit on a table, all you need to do is wait now.

•••

“Y/L/N ! We keep seeing each other today !” You sigh when you hear his voice, you don’t even take the time to look at him and keep your eyes on the book you were casually reading before he interrupted you. “What are you doing here Mafloy.” You asked, annoyed. “Well, Professor Snape told me to meet someone here. Have you seen anyone ?” He asks innocently. “No so-“ you start, but then you realize what he just said. You rapidly turn your head to look at him. He frowns, confused by your reaction. “Professor Snape you said ?” Draco nods in response, finding you weird all of a sudden. “No bloody way...” He finally starts to understand. “Don’t tell me you’re the one I have to help !” He shouted, a grimace appearing on his face. “Yes...” you whispered. Draco’s face collapse, so do yours.

“I’m not doing this.” He said angrily before he turns and walks towards the door. For a second you thought of just letting him go, but you decide otherwise. You quickly get up, leaving all of your things behind you and run to keep him from leaving the library. “Malfoy wait !” You can hear him sigh as he continues walking away from you but you run to put yourself before the door, preventing him from going out. “Get off Y/L/N.” You take a deep breath and take all your courage to confront Draco. “No. Listen, I need your help. I’ve failing all of my tests for the potion class and if Snape sent you it’s probably because you’re the only one that can help me !”

Draco giggles as he listens to you. “Why would I help you ?” You take a second to think and a dispute. “Because Snape will be mad if you don’t ?” He rolls his eyes, visibly not convinced by this. “Please...can we put or different for a second, just enough time for you to explain the lesson, and then I’ll leave you alone I promise !” A little smile appears on his face, what is happening to him again ? He takes a step towards you while you take one in the opposite direction. You jump when your back hit the cold wood of the door behind you. “What ?” You asked, confused by what’s going on.

“You look good when you’re begging.” He said in a provocative way. You gasp in shock in front of this flirty line coupled with a devouring look. “Draco !” You growl. “Malfoy !” He growls back, his devouring smile turning into an angry face in less than a second. “We’re not friends, so it’s Malfoy for you !” Your eyes winded in front of his sudden anger for such a little detail. You simply nod still in shock. “So...Malfoy, are you going to help me ?” You try to smile to him, like it could save you. He sighs. “Yes.”

He simply said before turning back to go sit where you were installed a few seconds ago. You take a deep breath as you join him, knowing it’s probably going to be a long moment to pass with him.

•••

“Okay, what are the ingredients ?” He asked. “Um... Rose thorn, peppermint, pearl dust...powered moonstone and...” You think for a second, not being able to put a name on the last ingredient. “Ashwinder egg” He finished. “I knew it !” You shouted, obviously lying. “No you didn’t.” He said in amusement. You giggle together. So far the little study session with Draco was going well. As crazy as it seems, he has been really patient with you. And his explanation were really clear. You yawn as you pull the fabric from your robe to look at your watch. “Wow ! It’s late ! We should probably go to our dorm.” Draco does the same and his eyes widen when he sees the clock. It’s been 3 hours since you started studying, and it felt like at least 1 hour, not more. “Yes we should.” He simply responds before packing up his supplies. You follow his movement and when nothing is left on the table you finally get up with him.

“Shall I take you to your dorm ?” He asks as he scratches the back of his head. Your eyes widen, since when Draco is that kind. For a moment you thought of accepting, but it was a bad idea, if Harry was still there he would’ve killed him. “Maybe next time, Harry heard about what happened in the corridor this afternoon, and I don’t really want him to kill you if he sees you.” Draco nods, suddenly feeling bad for what happened earlier. “Maybe next time ?” You propose. “I mean, if you want you study with me again ?” You continue carefully, you were happy to have a nice version of Draco in front of you and you didn’t want to say something that could make him angry and lose that little moment of respite. “Yes ! Why not ! Let’s say, tomorrow night ?” He proposes, never stopping to impress you. “Alright ! See you tomorrow then !”

You smile to him and take the way toward the door to leave but his voice stops you. “Y/N wait !” Hearing your name in his mouth make a bunch of goosebumps appear on your skin which you don’t really understand. It was the first time Draco called you by your name other than your last-name. You turn around and give him a confused look. “I’m sorry for what I said in the hallway...” You bite your lip. Were you dreaming ? “Wow...Draco Malfoy apologising...to me ? I should mark the date !” You tease. “Hey ! Don’t make me regret it !” You giggle. “Don’t worry ! And thank you...Draco.” You grimace internally when you pronounces his name. But he doesn’t say anything, he just smiles to you. You smile too when you turn around again and finally get out of the library.

The smile didn’t suit your face until you reach your bed. Today was a surprising day, but it’s only the beginning.

•••

[queenlua]

You're a druid and an ex-evangelical, right? What does being a druid mean to you? How did you get from evangelicalism to where you are now? And of course feel free to ignore this if it's nosy. (sincerely, a Christian who wants to leave but who doesn't know what to do)

this is going to make me sound ignorant as hell, lol, but i'm happy to share

under a cut because this got very long, sorry, lol.

my personal progression was: "vaguely christian -> VERY christian -> christian agnostic -> agnostic/atheist -> agnostic/druid -> some sorta druid-neopagan-animist thing."  i guess i'll just go through what made me switch between each of those, and close out with some high-level thoughts that may be helpful for you?

okay, so when i was

VAGUELY CHRISTIAN,

i went to Sunday school every week because That's What You Do, and because my whole hometown was very southern Baptist, i never questioned the veracity of its teachings much... until they ran a whole weekly series on "why [x] is wrong," where [x] is some other group

e.g., we had a week on why Mormons are wrong, and i didn't bat an eye because i hadn't even known Mormons existed until that moment

then we had a week on why Muslims are wrong, and that... bothered me, because i had a friend who was Muslim, and she was just objectively a better person than me, and i was like "any universe where she goes to hell and i don't seems really fucked up"

then we had a week on why EVOLUTION was wrong, and that just absolutely threw me, because while i hadn't thought about evolution much (i think i was in fourth grade or so), it seemed common-sense? scientists thought highly of it? "adaptation over time" just seems logical?

so i went to the public library every day after school for like a week, read some Darwin and some science books, and came back to my Sunday school teacher with, like, an itemized list of objections to the whole "evolution is wrong" thing.  and he came up with some standard Answers In Genesis rebuttals, and i did more research and came back the next week with more science, and we repeated this a few times until he was like "lua, you just gotta take some things on faith"

which.  lmao.  full existential crisis time, because no matter how hard i thought, i couldn't *not* believe in the science, but i also didn't want to go to hell, so i was like "maybe if i believe SUPER HARD i will SOMEDAY be able to unbelieve the condemn-me-to-hell bits"

so i decided to become

VERY CHRISTIAN

and my frantic googling for shit like "proof of god" and "god and evolution" *eventually* broke me out of the Answers In Genesis circles of the internet, and into some decent Christian apologia, like, think First Things and various Catholic bloggers.  and there, i found some way to square my gut sense that evolution was right, with a spiritual worldview.

like, i remember finding some blogger who said:

"young earth creationists get tripped up when they try to explain stars that are millions of light-years away, and end up basically arguing that God's tricking us somehow, and—no!  my God lets you believe in the evidence of your eyes, my God does not demand that you make yourself ignorant or stupid, my God expects you to use your brain"

and i just started crying at my computer, because no one had ever said "using your brain is Good and part of God's will," i was like *finally* here's someone who won't tell me i'm going to hell for just *thinking* about things

(st. augustine does a much better riff on a similar theme, fwiw, but i only found him later)

still, it was an uneasy fit, because, the more i learned and read about world history, the more it seemed... weird... that the One And Singular Path To Salvation was... the successor to some niche desert cult... which didn't even occur at the *beginning* of written history, like, it was all predated by that whole Mithraism thing, etc... and like, sure, i could trot out all the standard theological talking points for why Actually This Makes Perfect Sense, but gut-level-wise, the aesthetics just seemed kinda dumb!  and no level of talking myself out of it made that feeling go away!

so at this point i started referring to myself as a

CHRISTIAN AGNOSTIC

i mean, not aloud.  i still lived in southernbaptistopia and i didn't want, like, my hair stylist to tell me i was a horrible person.  but in my *head* i called myself Christian agnostic and it felt right.

and i started church-hopping, which honestly was really fun, would recommend to anyone at any point.  i visited the fire-and-brimstone baptist church, the methodist church, the episcopalians, the universal unitarians, etc.

unfortunately, while this gave me *some* new perspectives, each of the places either had the same shitty theology as my old megachurch (i remember the *acute* sense of despair i felt when i was starting to jive with a methodist church... only for the dumbass youth minister to start going on about evolution), or, they just lacked any sense of the *sacred*.  like, the Church of Christ churches, with their a capella services, *definitely* had it; i felt more God there in one service than i did in a lifetime of shitty Christian rock at the megachurch.  but their beliefs were even *more* batshit, so.  big L on that one.

having failed to find a satisfactory church, i was basically

AGNOSTIC/ATHEIST

by the time i went to college, but honestly pretty unhappy about it; while it was harder than ever for me to actually *connect* with the divine, i didn't like thinking that my previous experiences of the divine were total lies.  because my shitty evangelical church, for all its faults, could not *completely* sabotage the sense of God's presence.  there were real moments in that church where i do believe i experienced something divine.  mostly mediated by one particular youth minister, who in hindsight was the only spiritual teacher in that church who didn't seem a bit rotten inside, but!  it was something!

so when i happened upon a bunch of writings on the now-defunct shii.org (that's the bit that makes me look WILDLY ignorant, lol), i was utterly captivated.

said author was a previous archdruid of the Reformed Druids of North America, an organization that was formed in the 1960s to troll the administration of Carleton College (there was a religious-service-attendance requirement; they made their own religion; their religion had whiskey and #chilltimes for its services).  however, this shii.org dude seemed to take it pretty seriously.  he was studying history of religion and blogged a lot about his studies, both academic and otherwise.  while RDNA had started out as a troll, that didn't mean they hadn't *discovered* something real in the process, he said.

this, already, was going to be innately appealing to me; i've got a soft spot for wow-we-were-doing-this-ironically-but-now-it's-kinda-real? stuff in general.

in particular, shii.org’s discussions on the separation of ritual from belief was really interesting to me: most religions/spiritualities have *both*, but like, you can do a ritual without having the Exact Right Beliefs (if there even is such a thing!), and it can still be useful to you, it can have real power.  (he had a really lovely essay, speculating on the origins of religion as just a form of art, but that essay is now lost to the sands of time, alas.)

(note that i wouldn't really recommend seeking out *recent* writing by the shii.org guy; he kinda went full tedious neoreactionary-blowhard-who-reads-a-lot-of-Spengler at some point?  sigh.)

the shii.org guy led me to checking out a bunch of books on the history of neopaganism & also books by scholars of religion in general, and the more i read, the more excited i became.  and i started doing little ritual/meditation stuff here and there.

then i was fortunate enough to attend some events with Earthspirit (this was when i lived in Boston), which cemented my hippie dalliances into something more real.  the folks there, being from Boston, were all ridiculously overeducated (a sensibility that appeals to me), but also, being the kind of folks who drive out to a mountain in the middle of nowhere for a spiritual retreat, they tolerated a full range of oddities (everyone from aging-70s-feminist-wiccans to living-on-a-farm-with-your-bros-Astaru to dude-who-started-having-weird-visions-and-is-just-trying-to-figure-out-the-deal to Nordic-spiritualist-with-two-phds-from-Scandanavian-universities-on-the-subject, etc), which gave me a lot of room to explore different types of rituals, ceremonies, "magic", etc.

(polytheism in general lends itself well to this sort of easy plurality!  i can believe other people are experiencing something real with their gods, and i can be talking to a totally different set of gods, and that’s just all very compatible, etc)

anyway, i started calling myself

AGNOSTIC/DRUID

around then, because i knew i'd found *something*, something that felt like all the realest moments i'd ever had in nature, and all the realest moments i'd ever had in that shitty megachurch, but i wasn't quite ready to put a theology to it.

but, idk, you do the thing for a while, and you start encountering some things that you may as well call gods, and you realize you're in pretty deep, and you ditch the "agnostic" bit and just throw hands and start describing yourself as

SOME SORTA DRUID-NEOPAGAN-ANIMIST THING

because that's the most precise thing you can muster.  in particular, the druid bit resonates because nature's still very much at the center of my practice; the neopagan bit resonates because i'm not especially interested in reconstructing older traditions or being faithful to any actual pre-Christian traditions, and animist resonates because what i sometimes call gods seem to be tied pretty tightly to the land itself.  it's all very experiential; all this mostly means i'm some weird chick who sometimes grabs a car and drives out someplace very lonely and hikes for a while and does some hippie shit to try and talk with the land or the god or whatever is there.  and sometimes i come back from it changed, or refocused, or what-have-you, and hopefully i'm better for it.  i'm aware this makes me look a little ridiculous, and is an unsatisfying answer, sorry!

WRT YOUR SITUATION

i don't know you or your situation, obviously, but if i wanted to give former-me some advice to save her some angst, i'd say

-> Christendom itself is far wilder and more diverse than many churches lead you to believe.  if you still want to be Christian on some level, and it's just a shitty church that's convinced you the whole project is fucked, i'd honestly explore, i dunno, your nearest Quaker meeting.  they're invoking the Holy Spirit with regularity but they're not raging douchenozzles about it.

-> if you're specifically interested in druidism, i found John Michael Greer's "A World Full of Gods" really nice.  (caveat: Greer has *also* gone full right-wing nutjob these days, sigh, so like.  would not recommend a great swath of his writing.  but that one's good)

-> deciding that a just God wouldn't give me a brain and then ask me not to use it was hugely comforting to me.  like, that was the start of the whole process, that was what made me feel ok searching for other churches and trying to find something that fit.  obviously you should take this with 800 grains of salt, because obviously i'm no longer Christian, and thus maybe i'm just some poor misguided fallen soul, but... i still kinda believe that!  maybe if you can make yourself believe that, it'll seem less scary?

idk, happy to answer more questions, sorry for the long ramble, hope it helped~

[lizziestudieshistory]

Books of 2021 - March

I had a very strange reading month in March, I read more than I usually do when studying but then fell into a reading slump in the last 10 days or so... It was all a certain book's fault!

The Burning God - R.F. Kuang (Poppy War #3)

I've already got a post somewhere explaining how I felt about The Burning God. I had a wonderful(? feels like the wrong word but I'm sticking with it) time with this series, in a morbid kind of way. It was highly worth the read and The Poppy War is one of the best debut fantasy stories I've read to date! I was slightly disappointed in some of the elements (the Trifecta still spring to mind, I was expecting so much more...) but it was a great series. Highly recommended if you haven't given them a go.

Shadow and Bone/Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo (This includes all three books, plus the Demon in the Woods)

I read this entire series back to back in the space of about 10 days... I haven't read a series this fast since I was in high school! And I LOVED it! The Grisha Trilogy is a stereotypical YA as you can get - it's clichéd, tropey, and predictable. However, I still had a fantastic time reading them, much to my surprise.

Unfortunately, I loathed Mal (don't kill me), he was one of the most toxic "heroes" I've met in YA fantasy and I'm not over the infuriating conclusion with him and Alina (if Alina had to have a partner she should have married Nikolai, come on! Roguish pirate AND a dashing prince in one man!) I'm genuinely angry that the message Bardugo gave young girls with the conclusion to Alina and Mal's relationship arc was 'sacrifice everything, including your identity, to be play housewife with a boy with such a fragile ego he ignored you for an entire book'.

I really hope the TV series removes some of his controlling and manipulative behaviour - and yes I can stomach it with the Darkling because HE IS THE VILLAIN and not framed as the paragon of virtue Mal is... I did very much like the Darkling as a hot villain, and I'm looking forward to seeing my childhood crush, Ben Barnes, do him justice ;) Seriously though, the Darkling was the most interesting character in the series, maybe tied with Nikolai, and I'm sad we didn't see more of him in the second and third books.

The Hatmakers - Tamzin Merchant

I ADORED this book! I was expecting to enjoy it but not love it, however, I fell in love. This is a debut middle grade novel set in an alternate version of 18th century London. We follow Cordelia Hatmaker, the youngest Hatmaker, attempt to find her father after he's lost at sea. The Hatmakers are an old family of magic users who make hats to effect people's mood and behaviour.

This book was so heartwarming - it was fun, sweet, and enchanting to read. I wasn't sure of Merchant's writing style at first, it was a bit too much! She's very lyrical in her style, for a children's author, and I thought it was going to grate. But it fits the tone of her world and characters so well I didn't notice it after the first few chapters. It's honestly beautifully written. Characters were great, the plot was predictable but hilarious (I'm not the target audience so that's fine), and the world was well realised, if small. Overall, it was a wonderful novel and I'd highly recommend it to everyone - I enjoyed it as much as I did Nevermoor!

There's also the BEST tiny side story about a couple of young fops who want hats to help them duel! Absolutely AMAZING and I hope they turn up in the second book!

A Thousand Splendid Suns - Khaled Hosseini

Here is where the month fell down for me and I fell into a slump... So A Thousand Splendid Suns is the story of two women in Afghanistan during the late 20th century. We see the Russian occupation and the rise of the Taliban through their eyes, as well as the devastating effects the almost constant warfare had on Kabul and their lives. However, this is more the background to exploring these women's lives, starting with Mariam as a child in the 1950s and following her life after she's married off by her father to Rasheed. We also follow Laila, who's literally the girl next door, and how their lives intersect during the course of the novel. It is a powerful story about the strength of women, the bonds they form, and the consequences the attitudes of men have on their lives.

So I'm conflicted about this book, on the one hand I can very much see its merit. It's a beautifully written, engaging, and thought provoking novel. It's one of those reads that stick with you and you mull over for weeks afterwards. It makes you think and I am glad I've read it.

On the other hand, I HATED every second I was reading it. On top of the general misery you'd expect (given the description above), this book discusses domestic violence, marital rape, forced child abandonment, miscarriages, imprisonment, etc. You name it, it'll be here. I could see the reason for this but it made for such a miserable reading experience that I could barely keep myself going at times. I seriously considered DNFing it at the end of part 2 and the only reason I didn't is because it's my book club book.

It's one of those reads that are immensely powerful and worth while, they open your eyes and make you think. However, it's reading experience is so miserable it's hard to see whether it was actually worth it while you'rein the book. I would say give it a go if you're interested because it really is a masterpiece and beautifully achieves what it set out to do. But please do go into it having done your research and aware of the trigger warnings.

On the Currently Reading Stack

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo

Technically on the pile, if we're dating this to 31st March. Although as of writing this (3rd April) I've finished this. I had fun but still don't like heist stories... Great characters though!

The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson

I'm dipping in and out of this, as it's my 5th time reading it... I will finish it eventually but don't hold your breath because I'm only picking it up when I'm REALLY in the mood for Sanderson or feeling slumpy.

The Return of the King - J.R.R. Tolkien

Another long term read, I'm slowly finishing off my annotation reread of the Lord of the Rings. Very much enjoying this read but I'm taking it slowly so I can do my annotations justice.

Bleak House - Charles Dickens

Still going, it's just an enormous and slow book... I'm going to try and finish it in April but this isn't a promise...

[yurimother]

LGBTQ Manga Series Review - Kiss and White Lily for My Dearest Girl

The tenth and final volume of Kiss and White Lily for My Dearest Girl is finally out in English, and honestly, I expected this moment to feel more climatic. This long-running series debuted in 2013 and quickly became one of the most consistently popular Yuri works in the current era. However, perhaps because of its relative longevity, it always felt like the background; The consistently safe and trope-filled home I could return to after exploring new and exciting Yuri works. There is often something comforting about home, and many of the cute kisses and relationships featured are joyful and entertaining.

Kiss and White Lily for My Dearest Girl is a Yuri manga series by Canno. It follows numerous couples at Seiran Academy, a fictional middle and high school with a sister university. The common themes and tropes of the Yuri genre riddle the work. Some are seen in individual couple’s stories, while others, such as the all-girls school, style of uniforms, and repeated girl meets girl then love narrative. While these tropes are by no means a negative, being a fan of this genre would be impossible if they were, they are such old hat for Yurijin that they become dull, and Kiss and White Lily does little to forward or subvert them. In this way, the series feels like a showcase of the genre, a series I can thrust at people and say, “you want to learn about Yuri? Then read this” (an honor I usually reserve for Whispered Words). In short, the series is enjoyable but tiring and predictable.

Before I get into the spoiler-filled breakdown of each couple, there are a few overarching elements to note. It is achingly sweet, not in a heartwarming way, but an “I just a bit down on cake and have a cavity” way. Nothing in the first few volumes has any real consequence or impact; it is just cute and stupid. Now I like cute and stupid, but it has to be fun and enjoyable to read, and at first, this is not. Many characters lack chemistry, and often, the drama is caused by their own nonsensical choices rather than from the complications that come with relationships or friendships. If I do not like these characters together, I do not want to see them hugging and kissing and being cute.

You may have noticed that I spoke of how I enjoyed the series but then went on a rant about how weak the plot is. Fortunately, as the series goes on, the writing improves drastically. Characters who are in or are moving towards relationships, mostly, have compatible traits, and with stakes grounded in some form of reality. The What’s Behind the Story!? Sections, single pages devoted to the perspectives of random other characters and couples, are another welcome addition. Here, the lack of consequence or chemistry works, as each is given only a few moments to give a one-liner or snapshot of service. 

The artwork in Kiss and White Lily suffers from a similar problem as the plot. It is too adorable for the sake of being adorable. Kurosawa reacts with a huge smile and sudden anthropomorphic ears far too often in the early volumes. There are other inconsistencies also, mainly in tone. For example, in the first volume, there is a moment where one character is being introspective and dramatic, when suddenly, in a moment of metaphoric imagery, another is holding a gun to her head. This scene is awkward and unnecessary. No other moment uses such visual tricks to illustrate emotional conflict, and it is completely removed from the rest of the work. Finally, the artwork is cluttered. Almost every panel has so much crammed into it feels overwhelming.

However, just as the problems with art and story are similar, so are the solutions, time. As Canno continues, the art drastically improves. It takes on a more consistent tone, relies less on visual tricks, and quickly becomes one of the series’ highlights. Seeing the characters be gentle and affectionate will put a smile on all but the most begrudged reader’s face, especially with the more likable characters. Canno also makes frequent use of beautiful double-page spreads, many of which I have bookmarked so I can refer to them when I need a smile.

Now that I have gotten those points out of the way, I can get down into the meat of Kiss and White Lily for My Dearest Girl, the couples. There is an explosive plethora of pairings in this series, and I love it. Each feels unique, has a compelling story (mostly), and a satisfying conclusion. Every reader will easily find their favorites or see their own life reflected in one of these cute couples.

Ayaka Shiramine and Yurine Kurosawa are the principal couple of Kiss and White Lily, and their courtship spans all ten volumes. Unfortunately, they start out as one of the weaker couples in the story. Shiramine is the model student, working hard, helping out at the school, and getting high grades. However, she is consistently ranked second in all tests (teacher’s side note here, publicly posting student’s grades has been shown in research to be horrible for student achievement by multiple studies) behind Kurosawa. However, unlike Shiramine, Kurosawa does not try at all; she usually sleeps through class and does not participate in school activities, and succeeds only by her “genius.” Kurosawa’s effortless achievements anger Shiramine, and she confronts her about it. However, Kurosawa is pleased by the notion of Shiramine beating her and begins to aggressively pursue a relationship (the aggressive gay woman is the worst trope. Consent and enthusiasm are a central part of romance).

In what seems to be a running theme for this series, Shiramine and Kurosawa’s relationships improve as the books go on. First, Shiramine becomes less of a stereotypical tsundere character, as her motivation for being the best is revealed, a cold and frankly awful mother who scoffs at her daughter’s achievements. Likewise, Kurosawa, who starts incredibly inconsistent, moving from peppy to cruel to bored within the span of a few pages, settles down into a more calm character, with her enthusiastic love for Shiramine intact.

The beginning of their romance was weak, mainly due to their personalities and lack of chemistry, but the end conclusion was incredibly satisfying. Kurosawa realizes that she came to love Shiramine because she thought the perfect student could beat her and make her a normal girl, not a genius. However, in the end, she realizes that it was not their grades, but the ways Shiramine drew her out of her shell and THE FRIENDS SHE MADE ALONG THE WAY that made her a better person. Shiramine changes too, becoming more courageous and finally standing up to her horrid mother, thus breaking the spell the woman had over her and freeing Shiramine of her burdens.

In the final volume, Shiramine realizes that she likes being with Kurosawa and that their rivalry was her favorite part of the school. These feelings are all admitted in a fantastic speech she gives to the incoming students. I was smiling throughout the whole second half of Volume 10 as their relationships reached its inevitable conclusion, and for that, I offer praise.

Mizuki Senoo is the star of the track team where Moe Nikaidou, her longtime friend, is the manager. These two are one of my favorite couples, but they also have the most problems of any. Both girls are entirely captivated by and devoted to each other, so much so that they become codependent. However, the way they address this codependency is horrible. Moe suddenly stops talking to Mizuki, which severely distresses the athlete and leads to poorly written angst. There is no logic, only nonsense choices made for the sake of plot. Of course, they resolve the issue, everything is happy and pleasant, and they decide to be together forever. And then (and this is my favorite part) they graduate and go to university and live together! This action is perhaps the one time that Kiss and White Lily manages to forgo the conventions of the genre and begins to approach queer representation. Mizuki and Moa are no longer bound by the walls of the high school, the confines of Catholic school style uniforms, the tropes of Yuri, but they are free adults who love each other and are together. It is a perfect ending, which does not excuse the atrocious middle. 

Volume 2 introduces to Chiharu Kusakabe and her roommates Maya Hoshino and Ai Uehara. These three are close and live together perfectly. However, as Maya is older than Ai and Chiharu, she will be graduating soon and leaving them behind. Chiharu struggles with her conflicted feelings for her senpai, with whom she has fallen in love. On the one hand, Chiharu wants Maya to be happy and go to a good university; on the other, she selfishly wants her to stay close. Chiharu begins to close herself off, but then she meets the stubborn (idiot) Izumi Akizuki.

The two girls start a sort of reluctant friendship, where Chiharu waits outside the school each morning to chastise Izumi for riding her bike, which is against school rules. However, Izumi does not stop riding her bike, and Chiharu never reports her. They grow closer, and Izumi helps Chiharu reconcile her relationship with Maya. Eventually, they start dating. It is all cute and wholesome. As these two get together early in the series, the reader has lots of time to enjoy them being together as they appear frequently. The conflicts in their relationships are grounded in reality, and working through them together has a clear positive effect on the character. The only complaint I have is that after they start dating, they mostly keep it a secret for no reason.

Towako Mita and Yukina Ooshiro are one of the worst couples in the manga. They are the only members of the gardening club, although they eventually recruit Kurosawa. As the club is so small, it is always on the edge of dismantlement, as the student council wants to move resources elsewhere. While Ooshiro works to save it, Towako is actively working behind her back to end the club. Her reasoning, she does not want things to change. That’s it, full stop, it is complete nonsense. Of course, they make up and decide to be together with an equally illogical apology. If characters are going to hurt others and then be forgiven there must be effort, reason, and care put into them, traits all lacking in this story. It is all awful.

The fourth volume is a mix: containing some of the series best moments and its worst, by which I mean, most boring. Moe and Mizuki’s romance reaches the spectacular crescendo previously referenced. But, half the volume is spent depicting Kaoru Machida, Kohagi Inoue, and Momiji Shikama. The relationship between these three is focused more on friendship than sexual or romantic desire (cough cough S). Actually, I do not mind this at all, but they. Are. So. Boring. I honestly forgot they existed in the first draft of this review and had to reread Volume 4 to remind myself of them. The fact that I am writing about this process instead of the actual characters says a lot about their lack of appeal.

Sawa Itoh and Itsuki Nishikawa are equally forgettable. They are easily the most mundane romantic couple in the series. The two knew each other long ago, but Sawa forgot about their friendship, much to Itsuki’s disappointment. However, they bond again as high school students and vow to make up for the lost time. Their story ends with Itsuki confessing her feelings for Sawa. Sawa returns those feelings in kind FIVE VOLUMES LATER. That is far too long to wait for a dull ending. NEXT!

Ryou Hiramu, Nina Yuunagi, and Amane Asakura make up Kiss and White Lily’s only three-person relationships and is one of the best. Polyamory is not everyone’s cup of tea. Still, in the context of fiction, their relationship works well and develops excitingly, complete with a healthy dose of melodrama. Hiramu begins to grow close to Asakura, much to the anger of Asakura’s roommate Yuunagi. Yuunagi wants Asakura all to herself, a point made abundantly clear to Hiramu. However, things get more complicated when Hiramu realizes that Yuunagi is an online friend of hers.

Yuunagi feels incredibly lonely, and her only real friend is Asakura. But, when Hiramu shows her kindness, Yuunagi begins to fall for Hiramu. Yuunagi feels incredible guilt over this, swearing that she should only need Amane and not wanting to compete for Hiramu’s affection. Their tale ends when a distraught Yuunagi runs away before being confronted by Hiramu and Asakura. There, in a tearful confession, she released her jealousy, her guilt, and her confusion. Despite being overblown, it is one of the most relatable and truthful emotional moments in the manga. The solution, Yuunagi does not have to choose; she can have more loves. It is a mature answer that, while not ideal for most, makes sense here and is healthy for all the characters.

The next volume focuses on Haine Aoi and her close in age aunt Aika Yukimura (who is more like her sister). Before anyone breaks out the pitchforks or plants this volume next to Citrus on their bookshelf, the relationship is not sexual. This intention is explicitly shown in a scene where Aika contemplates kissing her sleeping niece (creepy) but decides against it, saying, “I don’t actually want to kiss her.” This moment deliberately and awkwardly setting the parameters of their relationships as not sexual. However, there are clear romantic implications. As the two struggle with the idea of drifting apart as most “sisters” do, they decide that this will not happen to them, and they will only grow stronger together. Ultimately, they declared themselves to be soulmates, albeit platonic ones.

This relationship is the most divisive of the series. There will be some, such as myself, who can acknowledge the apparent class s ties and the familial relationship yet can still enjoy the wholesome and grounded story. However, many others will understandably have difficulty overlooking these aspects of the narrative. I invite readers to give this volume a look and decide for themselves. Even if it turns out that Haine and Aika’s storyline is not for you, Shiramine and Kurosawa are at their best here and will save the volume for you. However, whether or not you like this couple, can we all agree that the decision to feature a major story act about a piano player (Haine) and NOT include a piano duet is INSANE!! Canno is not at all coy with Yuri tropes in this series, and this exclusion will not stand!

Nagisa Tatsumi and Hikari Torayama are rivals, opponents in the student council president election, and secretly roommates. The two live together by necessity, with their adorable kitten. Neither one can stand the other. However, when given the opportunity to separate, they decide they would prefer to continue living together. There is not much here. Even though one is labeled as “nice” and the other “mean,” Nagisa and Hikari have the same personality. The other “tsundere” type character in Kiss and White Lily, Shiramine, works because she is given time to grow and develop as a complicated character and because she is paired with someone different than here. Unfortunately, aside from some cute trope-filled moments like an accidental kiss, these two are insignificant. But. perhaps I am too hard on them, as I am conditioned to expect Yuri featuring characters named Nagisa and Hikari to be far more dramatic, grandiose, and interesting

Asuka Sakurada and Mikaze Hagimoto are the final couple introduced, as the next and final volume is only concerned with wrapping up previously established relationships. A shame, as they are the single most problematic and dysfunctional couple presented. Sakurada and Hagimoto are both cosplayers, which is how they meet, and the younger Hagimoto quickly asks Sakurada out. Sakurada is awful. She is cruel, detached, and rude to almost everyone. After an injury forced her to repeat her final year at Seiran Academy, causing her to be somewhat jaded, to say the least. What little the reader sees of their romance, which last all of a dozen pages, is appalling. Sakurada is mean and unaffectionate, and Hagimoto attempts to force her into activities she does not want to do. They break up quickly, and the rest of the volume plays out like a tragic love story, as Hagimoto pines for her senpai, and Sakurada says dramatic lines about how she “can never go back.” Of course, by the end, they have made up and are together again.

Not only are we giving this vile relationship, but excellent moments of emotional distress are wasted on them. For example, Hagimoto delivers a tearful and moving speech on a train platform. There is also a rare moment of clarity from Hagimoto, where she realizes that she did nothing to make the relationship work, followed by an admittance from Hagimoto that she just wanted to be more like Sakurada. Now, characters realizing their mistakes and faults to move forward and become better, as individuals and a couple is incredible; however, there needs to be a solid foundation. The unfortunate truth is that such tragic and dramatic relationships take time and investment. The reader needs to want to see these characters get better and make up, something notably lacking here. This awful partnership tarnishes the beautiful scenes present.

Fortunately, Volume 9 is not a total loss, far from it. Shiramine and Kurosawa complete their personal arcs described previously in this review, thus clearing the way for Volume 10 to finally have them get together, perform a quick survey of the other characters, and tie up any dangling story threads in a bow covered with cute kisses and gentle service.

Kiss and White Lily for My Dearest Girl is an incredibly mixed bag of a series. It gives a wide variety of couples and tropes for the reader to enjoy, but many of the relationships suffer significantly from weak characters or uninteresting storylines. Its mediocre start does not help the series. Early outings are noticeably lacking in all categories from plot to artwork, which provides a difficult barrier for entry. However, there is a lot to love here. It is a spectacular showcase of Yuri and an absolute classic of the genre’s current era. Kiss and White Lily is THE YURI MANGA, a title that bears both the great and terrible of the genre.

This series concluding publication feels appropriate for the genre’s centennial. The tropes it features, which have paraded the genre for the past hundred years, will not go away. But, the conclusion of Kiss and White Lily feels, at least for the moment, like their last hurrah before stepping back to let a new century’s worth of newer and queerer works make their mark in the genre.

Ratings: Story – 6 Characters – 4 Art – 7 LGBTQ – 8 Sexual Content – 2 Final – 5

Kiss and White Lily for My Dearest Girl, Vol. 10 review copy provided by Yen Press ( @yenpress​ )

You can get the series digitally and in print today: Kiss and White Lily for My Dearest Girl, Vol. 10 - https://amzn.to/34k8sAj

[cracked-pean]

Get the Memo

Characters: Stiles Stilinski, Scott McCall, Derek Hale, Sheriff Stilinski (Mentioned), Cora Hale (Mentioned) and OFC! Cousin Stilinski.

Word Count: 3017

Warnings: Stalking (I think that’s what you call it. That’s what I’m gonna go with.) but really it’s more fluff so don’t worry too much.

Summary: People just don’t seem to get the memo around here.

Requested by @stellastyless

Masterlist

A/N: Hi dudes.So as you can see. Yes this is a request. My first one actually. I’m gonna be honest. I was excited and nervous when I saw i had a request come in. I was scared that I was gonna mess it up, or it would turn out wrong and not be what they expected it to be. So, that’s why it took a while for me to post this up. But, honestly once I started writing, I got in the zone and this basically took a mind of its own. So, I hope you enjoy it. Sorry for any errors.

+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+

It was a normal weekday, the middle of March, the Spring season was just beginning to bloom and the weather outside was nice and cool. Just right for families and their kids to be out and about. But, it was also the season for final projects to be assigned for students, and Stella just happened to be one of those students. Her dark and platinum streaked hair hung loose off the edge of the bed as she laid upside down. A book was being held above her face as her eyes scanned the pages. There was a book report that she had been assigned that was due by the end of May, when she was due to finish. Of course, Stella wasn’t one to slack off on school work. Always one to be ahead of such things. She didn’t receive perfect grades by doing nothing.

Just as she was about to turn the next page, her bedroom door slammed open.

“Hey Cuz, it-”

“Ow, fuck,” the girl swore as her book made contact with her face. Sure any item would hurt, but since it was a hardcover. Well, it just caused her pain a bit more. “Dammit Stiles. Haven’t you heard of knocking,” Stella sat up while holding her nose.

Stiles stifled a laugh, “Not my fault you decided to hang around like a Bat.” He got shot a glare from her blue-grey eyes.

While she put away her book on her desk, he walked in and made himself comfortable on her bed.

“So, to what do I owe the pleasure of?” Stella leaned on her desk with her arms crossed against her chest.

“Dad’s got the night shift, so it’s just gonna be us two tonight for dinner.”

Stella has been living with her Uncle John and cousin Stiles for 2 years now. There were some things circling about her in her hometown. Some lies were being spread from people she thought were her friends, could trust them, and loved her just as much she did them. Sadly, that wasn’t the case. So she thought enough was enough. After thinking it would blow off, Stella decided to leave. Right after graduation, she discussed it all with her parents and moved to Beacon Hills to live with her uncle and cousin, and continued her studies there.

The Stlinkins were more than happy to have her. Especially Stiles. Despite the 3 year age difference between them, those two were like siblings. So, once he heard the news, the then 16 year old made everything ready for her. Cleaned the house, the spare bedroom where she would be staying and bought some things she would like, to decorate her room with. Sure all that wasn’t necessary to do. The girl could care less, as long as she felt welcomed, but the sheriff didn’t have the heart to stop his son. He was quite amused if he was being honest.

“You mean, us two plus Scott right,” she questioned with a raised eyebrow.

“Well I mean, if you wan-”

The girl interrupted his blubber, “I know he’s downstairs, dude. You two aren’t exactly the quietest of pairs,” she teased.

The two walked down the stairs into the living room. There on the couch sat Scott scrolling through his phone, he looked up when he heard the cousins making their way over. He gave Stella a smile and greeted her. She returned him a small one and muttered out a quiet ‘Hey’ then made her way to the kitchen.

It wasn’t that Stella didn’t like Scott, she was just a bit closed off. She didn’t really trust people that often anymore, since everything happened. Sure she was polite and greeted them and such, but making them her friends was not on her list. So when she moved here, she had to grow used to being comfortable around the guy. Scott did have the face of a cute little puppy, but Stella wasn’t going to fall for it so easily. It wasn’t till a few months later that Stella accepted him but as more of an acquaintance. It was with all Stiles’ friends that she’s met. Just mere acquaintances.

“Ok, well we don’t have any groceries to make anything, cause somebody forgot to buy them,” she said while shooting a look at Stiles, who was avoiding eye contact. “So you guys decide what to get as take out and I'll just go pick it up.”

With that she went up to her room to get ready. There wasn’t much for her to do. She still had on her clothes she wore for class earlier. A black tank top criss-crossed on the front, and knee ripped jeans. All she had to do was put on her ankle boots and her light jean jacket. She unplugged her phone and went down to meet the boys.

“-ask nicely. You’re paying anyway.” Stiles stood in front of a smiling Scott, with a look of betrayal on his face.

“So what’s it gonna be boys?”

“Thai. From the restaurant near the mall. But, can you also swing by the store and buy some tubs of ice-cream? Please,” with looks the two were giving her, you’d think they were in middle school and not seniors in high school.

Ice-cream? She thought. That sounds pretty good right now. Ok.

“Fine, but you’re taking my turn on buying groceries,” she walked towards the door and grabbed her keys. “Course I’ll pay my turn, but you’re going.”

“Yes, deal,” her cousin wrapped his arms around her and smooched a kiss on her cheek. She laughed and she playfully wiped it off. He handed her off the cash as well as what flavors to buy.

After a 15 minute drive, Stella arrived at the town plaza and parked. The thai place was just across the street from the convenience store. She figured it would be best to pick up the food first then head over to buy the ice-cream, so it wouldn’t melt from the wait.

While she was getting out, Stella noticed a group of three guys, around her age, hanging near by their own cars. They were all laughing and messing around, but they quieted down a bit once Stella walked by them to get inside the restaurant. The small bell above the door rang, signalling them they had a customer. Stella gave the front lady her order and was told to wait a few minutes as they got it ready for her. Once the cashier disappeared behind the double doors to the kitchen, the bell rang again. The brunette didn’t really give it much thought as she tapped on her phone, but she felt a bit weird afterwards. She scanned the shop a bit and noticed a pair of eyes looking right at her. It was one of the guys from outside.

He must have been the one to enter. He had taken a seat a few tables down from her, where she was waiting on her order. The guy gave her a small wave along with a flirtatious smile while his other hand propped up his head. Stella gave him a tight smile in return, and instantly regretted it. Old habits.

Apparently he took it as a sign to make his move, because he got up from his seat and made his way over to her. She sneaked a look behind him, where the doors to the kitchen, to see if the lady was out yet. She wasn’t.

Stella internally groaned. She wasn’t scared of him. She knew how to defend herself and could easily take him if need be, but that took so much work and she didn’t really feel like making a scene. So she sucked it up and decided to shoo him away first with words.

-

Words weren't helping and she was just about to snap at him. No matter what she did or threw at him (verbally) he could not take a hint. After waiting for a while, the lady finally showed up with two plastic bags apologizing. Stella waved it off nicely and without a second look towards the guy, she left in the direction to the convenient store nearby.

But that damn guy was very persistent in getting her attention. She was walking towards the crosswalk while trying to ignore his calls from behind her. Honestly, Stella was about to drop-kick him and make her way back to her car and drive back home, ice-cream forgotten. But she noticed another guy near the crosswalk light on his phone. As she neared, she got a better look at him.

Derek Hale.

Stella had seen him hang out with her cousin and his friends and knew he was in that small circle of people that Stiles’ trusted. From what she could gather up about him was that he was sort of the silent caretaker/big brother of the bunch. He was quiet but there were also times he would join in on the fun with the others. Derek and her would have small conversations when he would come over to the house when the others were over. They sort of had this pull towards each other that they didn’t seem to mind on having. But it was nothing further than that. Though a friendship was slowly growing amongst the two.

So before she could stop herself, the words seemed to blurt out of her on their own.

“Hey, babe.”

Derek’s head shot up at the loud shout near him and noticed the familiar hair and grey, blue eyes making their way over to him. There was a small confused look on his face when she got closer to him. Before he could fully react, the girl’s arms wrapped around him.

“Play along, the guy’s been following me,” she whispered in his ear.

That was all it took for Derek to reciprocate the hug and place a small kiss on her head while sneaking a glance behind her. The guy had slowly come to a stop with a bit of confusion on his face. He was sure that the girl had arrived on her own. He would have remembered the guy, he wasn’t hard to miss.

“Hey, I see you got the food. Ready to go?” Derek asked the girl just loud enough for the other to hear. And if the smile he had given her made her heart flutter a bit, she refused to acknowledge it.

“Yeah, just got to get the ice-cream and we’ll be good to go.”

Just then the walk sign glowed signalling the two that there were able to walk across. As if the two had done this a million times, Derek took the bags of food from her and she instantly latched her hand in his and wrapped her other arm around it and leaned her head on his shoulder as they made their way across.

The comfortness that came upon the two was strange. They had never been this touchy feely before. The only touch that had come between the two was a handshake. That’s it. However, the two did know that they were oddly ok with this closeness. They didn’t feel awkward or like it was force. With Derek’s history and also being closed off with people, the first time he had met Stella he did not have a problem or feel any discomfort from being in her presence.

Same with Stella. Even though she had wanted to be more cautious about the new people she met here. She had felt this strange pull towards the male.

“I’m sorry, I know this must be awkward for you. My mouth just likes to speak before it let’s me think things through. I’m sure you had things to do,” she spoke while nearing the store.

“Don’t worry about it. Cora knows I’m running late already, there’s no hurry. How long has he been tagging you?” he asked as he opened the door for her. Not once letting go of her hand.

The store was pretty big for being on the corner. It was big enough where they could talk in normal voices and not be heard by others on the other side. And for them, this was good. Because the guy followed them in.

“Eh, about 30 minutes or so,” Stella then began to explain to him how it happened as they walked up and down random aisles.

Derek started to feel a sense of anger and protectiveness build up in him. He didn’t know why. Was it because she was Stile’s cousin and didn’t want to upset him? Because if something were to happen to her Derek would feel at fault with him there? Cause he cared? Maybe even liked her?

“Now we’re here,” she leaned down to grab a few candy bags, “and since we are, you want something? It’s On Stiles,” she asked him as she held up ‘Troli Sour Gummy Worms’ and ‘Sour Patch Kids’.

He let out a small laugh, “I’ll take the worms.”

“Really now? Most people would go for the sour kids,” she tossed two packs of them into the basket she held.

“Well, I’m not most people,” he shrugged.

“No. You definitely aren’t,” Stella mumbled.

She turned towards him again and could catch a glimpse of the stranger still keeping tabs on them. Stella went to grab Derek’s hand again and he could feel her tense up. He gave it a small squeeze and pulled her closer towards him by wrapping his arm around her shoulder while hers was across her chest. No matter if Stella could defend herself the situation was still frightening. This guy has been following her for a while now and still wouldn’t leave her alone, even if Derek was with her. They then walked towards the frozen section nearby.

“He still there?” he asked quietly. His voice was nice and soothing enough to bring her nerves down a bit.

“Yeah,” she sighed and leaned in a bit into his chest. “I mean what more could this guy need to leave us alone,” She then paused as an idea came to her. She placed one of the ice-cream tubs in the basket and turned to smile softly at Derek. This was crazy but desperate times call for desperate measures. Derek’s back was toward the stranger so he wasn’t able to see the nervous grin Derek gave her.

“Kiss me.”

Derek’s eyes popped wide open. How could she say it so casually with that cute smile on her face.

“What?”

“Kiss me. It’s our last option at this point.”

Derek placed his hands on either side of her cheeks and slowly brought their lips to meet each other. Their eyes fluttering shut in the process. Her stomach started doing flips. She did not expect to have this reaction from it. His lips were soft and caused her body to have goosebumps. Stella’s arms came up around his midsection and grabbed a hold onto his shirt from the back.

Derek could not tell you what it was that possessed him. Could have been the idea to make this whole plan seem real as possible, the desperation to finally get rid of the guy or his compressed feelings were starting to make themselves known to him and this fake couple thing was just a boost. But once her smooth lips met his and he felt the warmth of her skin in his hands. He was gone.

What was supposed to be a short, quick kiss. Turned out to not being that. The two were like in a trance. They didn’t care who could see them right now. Sparks were going off in their heads and shooting through their bodies. And the reason behind this whole thing was long forgotten in their heads.

After what felt like hours, which was actually like a minute, they pulled apart. With Derek’s hands still on her cheeks and her arms on his waist, they just stared into each other’s eyes. Blue meeting green. They were slightly out of breath, from the shock they felt from the kiss.

“Did it work?” Derek was the first to break the silence.

“What?” Stella asked, still in a slight daze.

“The guy. Is he gone?” he asked while his thumbs softly rubbed her cheeks.

Stella blinked herself back to reality and shifted her eyes behind him around the store.

They were so occupied with themselves that the guy hadn’t realized that he had indeed left. He was still confused throughout the whole thing but, he had finally gotten the message and left the store.

Stella let out a small breath and relaxed completely. The weight lifted off her shoulders. She returned her gaze to the man in front of her and smiled.

“Yeah, he’s finally gone,” she embraced him in a hug and rested her forehead on his chest.

Derek smiled down at her but internally relaxed too. He was sure that this was not going to end well. But, thank god it was all settled.

“Thank you. I owe you one dude.”

“Don’t worry about it. As long as you’re safe now, that’s all that mattered to me.”

Derek wasn’t sure what to do next. But he for sure was comfortable in their place and didn’t want to let go. Stella was in the same boat. This whole experience was such a rollercoaster for the two. They obviously had feelings for each other, just didn’t know what to do about them. They were both sort of similar. The trust issues, the fear of being close to someone again. But they had somehow found familiarity in that. Because of their pasts, they knew what to do and look for from now on.

“Is it bad that I just want to stay here for awhile?” she spoke against his chest.

“No,” he pulled her closer to him. “I’m quite alright here too.”

And if the store clerk noticed the couple just standing near the back with melting ice-cream in their basket. They didn’t mention it or seemed to mind it. As long as they bought something.

[antiadvil]

Roses are Red

summary: Dan wants to buy his best friend Phil an anonymous rose, and also maybe confess his feelings. The problem? Phil is the one selling the anonymous roses.

Luckily, PJ has a plan.

rating: PG13

word count: 3.7k

a/n: this is for @flymetomanchester as part of a valentine’s day fic exhange! additional thanks to @itsmyusualphannie and @sudden-sky for betaing and hyping me up throughout the writing process.

read more or on ao3

Buying his crush a rose for Valentine’s Day really shouldn’t have been so hard. Dan didn’t even need to put his name on it, for God’s sake. The roses sold by his high school’s student council were distributed anonymously. He just had to pay for it, put Phil’s name on it, and write him a note.

The only problem was that Phil was not only the student council president, he was also Dan’s best friend. So Dan was left awkwardly standing near the table, hoping Phil would leave for a few minutes so he could buy Phil a rose from the student council vice president, who was sitting next to Phil, instead.

“Do you want to buy a rose?” Phil asked.

“What?” Dan snorted. “Why would I want to buy a rose?”

Phil shrugged. “Just wondering. You’re kind of hovering.”

Dan snorted again. “I am not.”

The bored-looking girl sitting next to Phil handed Dan a tissue.

“I was, uh, just wondering if you needed any help.”

“We’re good,” Phil said. “Kate and I have got everything covered.”

Dan shrugged. “Just thought I’d ask.”

“Thanks,” Phil said. “I really appreciate it. But I think you’re scaring away the customers. See you in English?”

Dan nodded, giving up and slipping back to the lunchroom.

“Did it work?” his friend PJ asked when Dan joined him at their lunch table.

“No,” Dan said, scowling. “He wouldn’t leave the table.”

PJ took a long drink from his water bottle, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “Damn,” he said. “That sucks.”

Dan nodded glumly. “He’s never going to leave the table.”

PJ shrugged. “I mean, it’s just a rose. You can get roses just about anywhere.”

Dan glared. “But can I get special, anonymously sent roses with an attached note just about anywhere?”

PJ rolled his eyes.

Dan sat back. “That’s what I thought.”

“You’re being dramatic.”

Dan had been cast as the lead in their school play three years running. “Me? Dramatic?”

PJ rolled his eyes again. “If you’re so attached to these roses, you’re going to need a better plan.”

“What, do you have one?” Dan asked.

“As a matter of fact, I do.”

“Okay,” Dan said. “I’m listening.”

PJ smirked. “Meet me outside the cafeteria tomorrow.”

“To do what?” Dan asked.

“You’ll see,” PJ said mysteriously.

“You’re so fucking annoying,” Dan said. “I’m going to kill you.”

“You’ve been saying that for the past ten years and it hasn’t happened yet.”

“It will,” Dan promised. “Just wait.”

“Sure,” PJ snickered. The bell rang. “See you after school, nerd.”

“Not if I kill you first, dork,” Dan responded.

Dan’s next class was English. He slid into his seat next to Phil. “How are sales going?” he asked.

“Pretty good,” Phil said. “We’ve made a ton of money so far. Decorations for turnabout might not be that bad.”

“Decorations for turnabout are always bad.” The rose sale was the only source of funding for their spring dance other than ticket sales. Student Council did their best, but Dan and Phil’s high school was not known for its beautiful and well-run school dances.

Phil shrugged. “Well, hopefully they’ll be less bad.”

Dan gave up. He knew this dance was important to Phil, and supporting his friend was more important to him than making fun of their school. “Of course they will be,” he said. “You’re doing them.”

Phil smiled. “Thanks, Dan.”

Right on cue, their English teacher entered the room, disturbingly cheery for someone teaching Hamlet to a bunch of second semester high school seniors.

“How was last night’s reading?” he chirped.

The classroom was dead silent. Dan highly doubted anyone in the entire room had read more than the sparknotes, if that.

“What did you think of Hamlet’s treatment of Ophelia?” More silence. “Come on, guys, don’t make me start picking volunteers.”

Someone sitting in the front hesitantly raised their hand.

“Yes! Jamie?” their teacher asked.

“I didn’t like it,” they said.

Their teacher sighed. Dan took that as his cue to zone out. He zoned out in the rest of his classes as well before finally stumbling out of school to meet PJ by his car.

“You’re late,” PJ said.

Dan rolled his eyes. “You’re late.”

“Whatever. Get in the back.” Since Phil had gotten there first, he got the passenger’s seat, and since PJ was driving, that left Dan to sit in the back. Normally, he would be annoyed, but today he didn’t mind being a little more alone with his thoughts than usual. He leaned back and stared out the window, letting Phil and PJ do most of the talking.

“Do we really have to go to Hot Topic today?” PJ asked, interrupting Dan’s thoughts. “You never even buy anything, and if someone sees me there in the year of our lord two thousand and twenty, I’ll lose all my street cred.”

“What street cred?” Dan asked. “And if Phil is dragging us to Lush - ”

“Phil buys things at Lush!” PJ protested.

“I’m just saying, your street cred - ”

“Dan’s right,” Phil said. “You don’t have any street cred.”

Dan smirked. “And neither of us complain about Barnes and Noble, so shut up.”

“Yeah you do,” PJ mumbled under his breath.

Phil shook his head. “We love Barnes and Noble,” he said, with sincerity so sweet Dan nearly believed him.

PJ rolled his eyes. “You two are so lucky I still drive you places.”

Dan let the conversation fade out again. Phil and PJ bickered some more, Dan’s stomach twisted itself into knots, and in just a few more minutes, PJ pulled into the mall parking lot.

“Last one out is gay,” PJ announced, hopping out of the car. Phil, who had been out since middle school, rolled his eyes.

Dan, who had been out for a significantly smaller amount of time, also rolled his eyes and climbed out of the car. “Shut up, token het,” he said. “Let’s get this over with.”

Dan and Phil behaved in Barnes and Noble for approximately five seconds before their shenanigans began. They followed PJ dutifully through the stacks before Phil beckoned Dan the other way and held up a book.

“How does this shit get published?” Phil said, giggling at the summary on the back.

PJ glanced back at Phil, annoyed. Phil ignored him, plucking another book from the shelf.

This was their usual Barnes and Noble routine: Phil dramatically read the backs of romance novels to Dan, Dan and Phil fell over giggling at the overly dramatic, flowery language, and PJ pretended not to know who they were.

“You guys are so embarrassing,” PJ said.

“Don’t tell me you’re capable of taking this seriously,” Dan said, while Phil leafed through another novel, looking for the cringiest romantic dialogue he could make Dan act out with him.

PJ just rolled his eyes in response and drifted away. Dan felt slightly bad for a moment - he and Phil had been a unit since grade school, and it usually wasn’t very fun to hang out with them with no one else around. PJ had put up with the third wheeling for a lot longer than most.

His guilt quickly dissipated when Phil thrust his latest find out at him. “You be the girl,” he said.

Dan raised his eyebrows. “That’s what he sa - ”

“Shut up,” Phil whined, but he was also giggling. “You know what I meant.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “Fine, but only because my falsetto is incredible.”

“That’s the spirit,” Phil said, but before they could start reading, PJ appeared from around the corner.

“I got the book I needed,” he announced.

Phil let the romance novel in his hand drop limply to his side.

“I’m ready to go,” Dan said. “Unless you needed anything?” he asked Phil.

Phil shook his head, putting the book back on the shelf. “I’m ready.”

“Race you to Hot Topic,” Dan said.

“We’re not going to Hot Topic until after we finish at Lush,” Phil insisted.

PJ rolled his eyes. “You have until I get to the cash register to sort this out. Just, like, fight to the death or something over it.”

Dan and Phil lingered behind to play rock, paper, scissors. Phil won. Dan sulked.

He really didn’t mind going to Lush as much as he pretended to. The soaps all smelled really nice, and the free samples were definitely a bonus. If it wasn’t for the heavy weight of societal judgement he could feel hanging over his head whenever he walked into his house, he would probably buy a bath bomb or two for himself.

He couldn’t help but watch a bit enviously as Phil and PJ picked out products to buy. Their parents didn’t think boys had to constantly act a certain way, had to only use certain products. Dan’s parents were reluctantly accepting of his sexuality, but they still had expectations for him. Expectations he’d never meet.

Dan contented himself with looking at and smelling everything Phil handed him. God, everything here smelled amazing.

After Phil and PJ were done buying their things, the group lingered in the entrance before moving on to the next store.

Phil poured a generous helping of his new rose-scented lotion into his hands, gesturing for Dan’s hand and wiping off the excess.

Dan ran his extremely dry hands together, rubbing the lotion in. “Smells nice,” he said.

Phil smiled. “And now maybe your hands will stop bleeding all the time.”

Dan looked at the cracked skin on the back of his hands. “Sure,” he said.

Phil sighed. “It’s actually concerning how dry your skin is.”

Dan was slightly touched by Phil’s concern, but he’d never admit it. “Are you my mom or something?”

Phil rolled his eyes. “Shut up.”

“You shut up.”

“Both of you shut up,” PJ said. “And hurry up, I have a paper due tomorrow.”

Knowing PJ, his paper was probably completely finished and just waiting for him to make one last glance over it for typos before submitting it several hours before the deadline and going to bed at precisely ten o’clock.

Sometimes Dan resented the guy, but honestly, under his harsh exterior, he was too sweet and helpful to hate. Dan couldn’t even count the number of times he’d called PJ late at night, panicking about an assignment he’d forgotten about, only to have PJ calm him down and walk him through the entire process, no matter how tired he would be the next day. Dan hoped that someday PJ wouldn’t feel the need to hide behind his sharp remarks. That he’d feel okay sharing the softer side of him.

For now, he let PJ pretend to be mad that he and Phil were taking too long and rush them along to Hot Topic.

It was true that Dan never bought anything at Hot Topic, but he loved going there anyway. Something about the atmosphere reminded him of his full on emo years. Not that that was a good time to be reminded of, per se, but it was definitely a simpler time.

Also, My Chemical Romance would always be good, no matter what year it was, and Dan was not about to apologize for that.

Phil and PJ definitely didn’t understand his obsession, but they were trying, even if they mocked him endlessly for it. PJ stifled his yawns, and Phil stared determinedly past the glaze in his eyes as Dan tried an endless number of outfits on.

“I like that one,” Phil announced for the seventeenth time, when Dan came out of the dressing room in a band T-shirt and jeans that were much more tight than anything his parents would ever let him wear.

Dan wasn’t sure whether or not Phil’s eyes were trailing up and down Dan’s body more than usual, but it made him feel warm and heavy and slightly self-conscious.

PJ nodded in determined agreement. “You should get it.”

“Maybe,” Dan said, the same way he did every time. This time he almost meant it. He hesitated. “My parents would never let me wear them.”

“My dude,” PJ said. “You are eighteen. What are they going to do?”

Phil shot him a look, but Dan just threw a T-shirt at PJ’s head. “Yell at me?”

“Fine,” PJ said, untangling the shirt from his head. “Don’t get it. I don’t care.”

“Get it,” Phil said.

Dan hesitated. His parents wouldn’t like the jeans, but the shirt they might not mind that much, and if they did, he could just wear it under a sweatshirt until he left the house.

“Fine,” he said. “I’ll get the shirt.”

“Thank god,” PJ said. “Does that mean we can leave? I want to leave.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “We can leave.”

PJ pumped his fist.

Phil offered Dan the passenger’s seat on their way home, but he declined. He still had things to think about. The T-shirt he had tucked inside the shopping bag under his arm and how he would get it to his room without his parents noticing. The rose he hadn’t put Phil’s name on yet. Whether or not PJ really had a plan, or if he was just bullshitting. How tired Dan was, all the damn time.

He let his head fall back. Dan hadn’t fallen asleep in the car in years, but he let the quiet murmur of PJ and Phil in the front seats and the soft noises of the car’s engine and tires lull him to sleep.

He woke up to Phil shaking his shoulder. “I’m not strong enough to carry you to your room,” he said.

Dan blinked. “Yeah,” he said groggily, looking for his shopping bag.

“Here,” Phil said, handing it to him. “Don’t forget your backpack.”

Dan grabbed it. “Thanks,” he said. He was out of the car before he remembered PJ’s plan. He turned back, but PJ was already putting his car in reverse.

“See you tomorrow at lunch,” PJ called.

“Wait!” Dan ran after the car, leaning towards the driver’s window.

PJ rolled his window down. “Yes?”

“You’re still not going to tell me your plan?” Dan whispered to PJ.

“Nope.” PJ smirked.

“I don’t want to leave this to chance,” Dan whispered.

“Don’t worry about it,” PJ said. “I’ve got it all under control.”

“I’m worried about it.”

“Well, don’t.” PJ rolled the window back up and drove away.

Dan worried. He worried as he went home and did his homework, he worried as he went to bed, he had dreams about worrying, and when he woke up for school the next morning, he worried all through breakfast and his ride. He worried until just before lunch time, when he saw PJ waiting for him in the hallway where Phil and Kate were selling flowers.

PJ noticed Dan and waved. “Hey, Dan!” he said, way too loudly, walking over to Dan with alarming speed.

“Hey, PJ,” Dan said, moving towards PJ.

Before they could get too close, PJ tripped and fell. Hard.

A gasp rippled through the crowd. Phil immediately leapt to his feet and pushed through the crowd to reach PJ. “Are you okay?” he asked.

PJ lifted his head up. “I don’t know. My leg feels funny. I think I need to go to the nurse.”

Dan smiled and slipped through the crowd to the table where Kate was still sitting, looking anxiously at PJ.

“Can I get a rose for Phil?” Dan asked.

Kate gasped. “That’s why you’ve been hanging out near the table so much!”

“Yes,” Dan said, glancing over his shoulder. “Can you hurry up?”

“That’s so cute,” Kate said, slipping Dan the piece of paper to write his message down on. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell him.”

“Thanks,” Dan said, scribbling a message onto the paper. Keep being amazing. He handed the paper to Kate and quickly went to find PJ.

He spotted them headed down the hallway towards the nurse’s office, and ran to catch up, ignoring that one teacher who always glared at him for running in the halls.

“PJ, are you okay?” Dan asked.

“I don’t know,” he said.

Dan sighed. “I’ll take him to the nurse, Phil. You don’t need to worry about it.”

Phil hesitated, glancing back at Kate and the table. “Fine,” he said. “See you later?”

“Yeah, for sure,” Dan said absently. “Come on, PJ.”

PJ hobbled along. Once Phil was far enough behind them, Dan turned around to talk to PJ. “You know, you don’t need to pretend to be hurt anymore.”

“Not pretending,” PJ admitted.

Dan groaned. “Are you serious?”

“Yes,” PJ said, limping furiously. “Don’t tell me I’m a dumbass, I already know.”

“You’re a dumbass, but you’re my dumbass.”

“Save the pickup lines for Phil. Don’t make my sacrifice in vain.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “Your sacrifice?”

“They might have to amputate.”

“They won’t have to amputate.”

“You don’t know that.” PJ pouted.

The school nurse ultimately decided not to amputate, to PJ’s shock and concern. She handed him an ice pack and sent him on his way.

PJ complained the whole way back to the cafeteria, but Dan’s mind couldn’t be further away. He couldn’t wait until the flowers were delivered and he got to see the expression on Phil’s face.

The day after Valentine’s Day, Dan got a rose delivered to him in his third period class. He hadn’t expected to get anything, but it was a pleasant surprise all the same. He looked to see if there was a note attached, but couldn’t find anything. He searched the wrapping it came in, but when he couldn’t find anything, he just put it in the side pocket of his backpack.

Phil also arrived at lunch clutching a red rose.

“It’s pretty,” Dan said, smiling.

“Yeah,” Phil said, staring at it.

The expression on Phil’s face was even better than Dan had expected: the most perfect mixture of confusion, happiness, and wonder.

“Who’d you get it from?” Dan asked.

“I don’t know,” Phil said, placing it carefully next to his lunch tray. PJ had gone to eat with a different group of friends that day, citing “gross flirting and unbearable sexual tension” as his reason not to sit with Dan and Phil until Dan “got his damn act together and asked Phil out already.”

Dan was nervous, but he tried not to show it. All he needed to do was ask a few questions about the rose, confess that it was him, and then have an open and honest conversation with Phil about their feelings (ugh).

“It’s so weird, though,” Phil said, touching his rose again with an expression almost of awe. “I was watching the table the whole time. I would have known if someone wanted to send one to me.”

Dan smiled. “They must have been really sneaky.”

“Yeah,” Phil said, running his hand down the petals. “The weirdest thing, though - ” he broke off.

“The weirdest thing?” Dan prompted.

Phil blushed. “You’ll think it’s dumb.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Dan said. “Have you ever told me something that I thought was dumb?”

Phil shrugged. “Probably.”

“Okay, yeah,” Dan said. “But I didn’t say I thought it was dumb, did I?”

“I guess not.”

“Well,” Phil said, his entire face turning red. “I’ve been working on a youtube channel.”

Dan’s eyebrows shot up. “A youtube channel?”

“Yes. And, um, the note referenced it.”

Dan blinked. This was the first he’d ever heard of Phil having a youtube channel, so unless Phil was talking about a different note from a secret admirer, he was pretty sure the note didn’t actually reference anything.

“How?” Dan asked.

Phil shoved the note at him. Dan’s own scribbled handwriting stared back, the same note he had written a few days earlier. Keep being amazing.

Dan stared at Phil. “I don’t get it,” he said. “It just seems like a generic compliment.”

Phil’s face was still determinedly red. “My channel name is AmazingPhil.”

Dan made a note to look that up when he got home. “It could be a coincidence,” he said, but Phil didn’t notice.

“Do you think it’s one of my fans? Oh my god, do you think I have a stalker?”

Phil’s genuine concern made Dan hesitate. “It’s probably just a coincidence,” Dan said. “There aren’t that many words you can use to compliment people. How many subscribers do you have, anyway? He probably - ”

“Almost a hundred thousand,” Phil said.

Dan choked on his sandwich. Phil pounded his back until Dan was able to speak again. “Sorry,” Dan said, “A hundred thousand? When were you going to tell people?”

“Shh,” Phil said, glancing around. “Keep your voice down. I don’t know, okay? Mostly it just never really came up. But I guess someone who follows me must go here or something, because - ”

“Maybe, but they didn’t send you the rose,” Dan said.

“How would you know?” Phil asked.

Dan felt his heart start to pound. “It was me,” he said.

Phil started. “What?”

“The note and the rose. They’re from me.”

Phil blinked. “Why?”

Dan was startled by how clear the world suddenly seemed, like everything had jumped into sharp, eye-watering focus for a moment. “Because I like you, Phil.”

Phil placed his sandwich back on his lunch tray. “Dan - I - ”

“I mean, it’s totally fine if you don’t feel the same way,” Dan babbled. “I know we’ve been friends for a really long time, and I’d never want to do anything to lose that. But it’s gotten to a point I can’t ignore and I need to know how you feel if I want to ever move forward-”

“I sent you a rose,” Phil said.

It was Dan’s turn to blink, confused. “What?”

“I signed the note. Did you not get it?”

“There wasn’t a note with it,” Dan said.

“Well, I put a note in it,” Phil said, “Basically saying all the things you just said.”

“Oh,” Dan said, pleasantly surprised.

“Did it not - ”

“I guess not.”

“Fuck,” Phil said. “But, um, if you want to go out sometime-”

“That’d be great,” Dan said, smiling so hard his cheeks started to hurt.

“Cool,” Phil said, also smiling.

The lunch bell rang.

“See you in English,” Dan said.

Phil smiled. “See you.”

[mistymark]

the one with the annotations.

dong sicheng x reader // 3.7k words // masterlist // send requests here

summary; in which sicheng keeps writing in the books at the library and it should be obvious but that’s,,, not,,, allowed???

warnings: none its just fluff, theres some humour if u like,, squint

requested; yes :D - “Enemies to lovers 👀 with sicheng? Love your writing btw 💕” from anon

notes; based on this prompt: ”You’ve got to stop returning books full of corrections and spiteful comments in red pen bc I can’t stop reading them and my boss gives me disapproving glares when I laugh at the funny ones

ohhhhh boi

so while you were at uni you had a part time job at the library

because surprise surprise as a lit major you like books

shocker there

you always tried to work the late shifts, closing up and doing the returns

just because it was easy and relaxing organising and restacking the books

but soon you wished you took the earlier shifts

because of dong sicheng

not to be dramatic but

your long rival

he started coming to the library to borrow books

because that’s kind of the point of a library

but he ended up liking the environment for studying

and would stay there for hours just to study

and you’d admire his hardworking nature

if he left on time, that is

you would do the rounds ten minutes before closing

just to tell everyone like

‘hey, we’ll be closing in around ten minutes if you want to begin packing up’

but this bitch

would nEVER PACK UP ON TIME

you’d end up standing at his table with your bag and the keys in your hand

tapping on the wood to try and get his attention

and him slowly packing up afterwards

even tho he kNOWS you want to go home

‘you’re just as slow as you were in kindergarten hey?’

and he’d be so furious

‘you know you cheated’

‘I don’t remember any such thing’

and maybe you did maybe you didn’t

you were like four years old

as if you’d remember a race you won when you were that age

he just rolls his eyes and leaves as you lock the doors

you leave in the other direction

happily leaving him behind

but he stops by every Monday Tuesday and Thursday night to study

which are the days you work as well

he acts like it’s just part of his schedule 

but he worked out if he came in on Wednesday’s he didn’t have the opportunity to annoy you

and honestly?

annoying you at the end of your shift and after a long session of studying was the highlight of his night

but he keeps borrowing books

and you’re like

whatever

until he borrows this new book you’ve been wanting to read for ages

and you were low-key so bitter

this lil bitch has no way of knowing you wanted that book but somehow he does and that’s the only reason he’s borrowed it

even though,, he literally had no idea lmao

tbh u probably would have wanted to talk to him about the books he reads bc u have very similar taste

okay the same taste

but he’s such an asshole ur like nah fam

anyways he returns it after a week

boy reads fast ok

and when he goes to drop it in the returns box

you just take it from his hand and scan it under your name straight away

and put it under the desk so no one else can borrow it

and when there’s a lull in the work at the library

you reach under the table for the book and rifle through it

and you notice a few pencil marks

and upon further inspection you realise they’re comments referencing certain parts of the book

and you do nOT stand for vandalism

but some of them are fuckin hilarious not gonna lie

on the page you just happened to open

you can see there’s a comment beside a passage of text depicting a fight scene

‘this would kill someone wtf’

and u laugh and wonder who had done this

like the book had only been out for a little while

and u finish it in just less than a week

bc u read a lot during your shifts

probably a lot more than you should tbh

and seriously the comments made the book better

you hadn’t laughed so hard at random commentary so much

like the words were exactly what you were thinking

you couldnt help it

while ur putting some of the books back in the middle of your shift

!!!! you see another book that u might like !!! 

not to judge a book by its cover butttttttt

it looks like ur type oop-

and after flipping through it

to get an idea of font size and chapter length cause ur a whole nerd like that

u see it ALSO has pencil markings

in the borders and underlining sentences

and without even thinking u borrow it

just to read the funny comments again

and ur boss comes up to you during your shift and is like

‘have you seen someone’s been writing in the books? look at this’

and thrusts a book in ur face

and ur like ??????? okay chill I’ll look

and u read the writing she’s pointing at

the familiar loopy handwriting adorning the page

and it says ‘I hope she throws her drink in his face’

when u read the paragraph for context

u realise it’s a confession scene

a few lines down the mystery person has written ‘called it.’

and u can’t help but laugh

like come on that was funny

but ur boss doesn’t agree

she just asks you to find out who’s doing it so they can be suspended from the library

or charged with vandalism

or something

she wants vengeance

u roll ur eyes and go to one of the staff computers

scrolling through the lists of borrowers for that specific book

and it’s a fuckin library that book has been borrowed a loT

2031 times ???????????????

you almost fall of your chair tbh

then someone clears their throat in front of u

and u immediately apologise as u try and get the right tab up to process the borrower’s book

but once u look at the person in front of u

you wish you hadn’t been so nice

sicheng stands in front of you

a grin on his face as he hands you another book

smug bitch is so happy he startled u

‘looking at porn on the library computer, yn?’

u laugh

‘I’m not u in 8th grade’

he glares at you as he takes his book and goes back to his desk to continue studying

u were soooo hoping he’d leave

even tho u kinda enjoyed looking at him

like dude was hot okay

what were u supposed to do????

ur actual job????

please.

so he stays

and when it’s ten minutes til closing

u go and let everyone know

and u stop at sichengs table

and he’s writing out notes or something

idk it’s not like u care anyway lol

but he’s lowkey frustrated bc he keeps messing up this one goddamn formula

so he erases it

and that’s when u catch a glimpse of his handwriting

and bruh am I high or is that the exact same handwriting as in the books

I mean he has borrowed a few of the books

and he’s into that genre

not that you've checked out his borrowed list or anything

basically ur having this whole conversation with yourself in your head

bc ur cool like that

and he’s like ????? why this bitch standing over my shoulder and watching me write out this equation

until he’s like ‘what are u doing’

and ur like !!!!! oh hi !!! sorry I was busy listening to the voices in my head lmao xD

jk jk

‘have u been writing in the books’

and suddenly he’s super shy

and he has this massive grin

and he’s like ‘no’

bitch we know it was u stfu

u roll ur eyes and ur like ‘its not funny my boss wants you to be suspended’

he squints at you

‘how do you even know it was me’

and then:

‘DO YOU HAVE E V I D E N C E’

and u cross your arms

like a badass bitch

and ur like ‘I have plenty of evidence actually’

‘for one, youve borrowed all the books that have been found with writing’

‘and your handwriting matches’

subconsciously he covers his notebook with his arm to hide his handwriting

and he's like ‘why are u telling me this’

you're taken aback by the question tbh

like ?????? to be a good person ??????

idk u fuckwit just wanted to warn you

‘thought you'd want to know’

and he just turns back to his book

and you shrug and walk away like ok get suspended then see if I care

but u do :((

but as you walk away hes like

‘wait’

‘Im gonna be suspended??’

and u nod like ye that's what I just said but ok

‘like I cant borrow or I cant come in at all?’

u don't know tbh

‘both I think?’

and suddenly there's panic in his eyes

another person walks past u and thanks u

and u mindlessly tell them to have a good night as they leave

everyone has left

except sicheng of course

that beautiful son of a-

wait why did u say beautiful

‘what can I do to nOT get suspended??’

and u shrug bc idk dude not my problem

but then u think about it

‘I mean if u get rid of the evidence theres no way u can be suspended, right?’

and he seems so happy at the thought

‘would you help me? please?’

and ur sooooooo skeptical

‘depends. what do u want to me to do?’

‘I mean I need access to the books so’

‘yeah ill let u in and out’

‘I can't exactly just erase the markings when people could be watching’

and that's exactly how you end up sitting in the library with dong sicheng at 11pm at night rifling through books to find odd pencil markings to erase

it wasnt that hard

u just got his record up

*snorts* ‘you borrowed ‘how to talk to girls’ when we were thirteen’

and he just rolled his eyes and marched to the computer like ‘you can see my record I deserve to see yours’

and ur like NOOOOOO nononononono

but later

‘you've read all the light-fighter novels??’

he looks at you from where hes searching for one of the books on the list, an eyebrow raised

‘yeah why’

‘dude,, I loved those books’

and he smiles a little

‘thats where I started marking the books tbh, every time I read it id add a little cross in the corner of the cover bc I read it so often’

part of u is a little impressed

the other is annoyed at how similar your taste in books is

but the first part keeps asking why u hate him so much

other than the staying late and the snarky comments

which you actually find kinda funny-

anyways

once you've gathered up a few of the books

like at least ten each

you sit on the floor of the childrens section

beanbags sprawled out beneath you as u read through some of the books

most of them you've read before

and every time you giggle at something hes written his smile gets a little bigger

but of course youre looking at the book so you dont notice

and he keeps his head down

‘is it bad that im hungry’

you lift your head from the book to look at sicheng

hes not even reading anymore hes just lounging back on the beanbags

and maybe he'd been watching u read

watching as the smile on your face grew wider at his commentary

‘I didnt see you leave tonight. have u eaten?’

you furrow your brows in thought, trying to recall having seen him leave

‘you been watching me, y/n?’

‘have you been eating, sicheng?’

and there's something about the way you say his name that makes his heart jump

his voice is soft as he looks at you in the dark

‘no’

you focus back on the book in front of you

‘finish whatever book youre on and we’ll call it a night’

‘what, you wanna go eat?’ 

you cant tell if hes just surprised or if hes hopeful

or something else

‘no but I do want to sleep’

you laugh and he forces a laugh too

you dont notice the difference

when you've returned all the books

he meets you at the front door as you grab the book you'd been reading that shift

hes just standing by the door on his phone

and maybe its bc ur tired or maybe its just him

but u cant help thinking

Jesus Christ this boy is attractive

and okay maybe u had a crush on him a few years ago

but hey! you were eleven what could u do

the crush still lasted like two years tho lmao

but u shoulder your bag and open the door for him

making sure to lock it carefully

and he walks with you in the direction of your apartment

and ur like oh u live this way too?

and hes like nah

but what kind of boy would he be if he didnt accompany home

like christ y/n u could be h u r t out here at this time of night

but you just smile at him bc wow thats ??? actually ??? kinda sweet

‘who are u and what have u done with dong sicheng’

and there goes his heart again

he just nudges u with his elbow 

and u laugh at him and continue on ur way

when u get to ur building he thanks u for ur help in the most polite way possible

and u can kind of see that hes actually rlly nice ??? how ???

but hes back at the library the next day

and of course he comes up to the counter as soon as he spots you

sneaking around a few desks so u dont hear him come up behind you to whisper ‘BOO!’ in your ear

you jump like three feet in the air and spin around to tell him to get out from behind the desk

‘I dont see a nametag on u that means u have to be on THAT side of the desk thank u very much’

‘didnt realise your name tag said bitch on it geeeez y/n ://’

and u just fix him with a glare once hes finally on the right side

‘are u borrowing a book or not’

‘nuP’

he leans on the desk

his eyes staring straight into yours

‘just wanted to ask if u were able to stay back tonight’

you roll ur eyes

you'd barely gotten any sleep last night

but the look of concern on his face when he realises youre hesitating makes you nod

‘of course,, wouldnt want my least favourite person to get kicked out’

‘I always knew you had a soft spot for me’

you roll ur eyes aGAiN

‘go bother someone else’

‘oh is the hot librarian in?’

you push him away from the desk

but he doesnt miss the faint smile on ur lips

‘sicheng dont make me give you $100 in overdue book fees’

he sticks his hands up at the threat, his eyes wide

‘no. please. ill do anything’

when u raise an eyebrow at him, he just grabs the book you'd been reading (and not yet borrowed) and walks away

and he winks too

u have to stop your heart from beating out of its chest

and later

its 8pm and the library is officially closing

and for the past three hours you'd been walking to sicheng’s desk and subtly been trying to steal your book back

but every single time hes seen you coming

and pulled the book under the desk or into his lap

away from your grabbing hands

every. single. time.

you tap your foot impatiently at him when its time to continue ur undercover project

and he smiles down at his notebook when he hears u huff in annoyance at him

he dramatically looks up at you

‘do you need something?!’

‘do you want to get suspended?!’

he narrows his eyes at you but stands up anyway

he carefully puts his things in his bag and takes the list of books from your hands

a few of them are already crossed out as having been checked and erased

but theres still a lot to go

it takes you almost three weeks to finally get to the last day

and it had been the same thing every time;

sicheng took forever to pack up

you'd eventually find about ten books each

sit in the children’s section

laugh and chat about your lives while you went through the books

tease each other

and when you'd finished,

he'd walk you home

every single time

without fail

it became a habit that on the Tuesdays he'd stop by on his way to his morning class to drop coffee off for you

because he'd kept you up the night before

and it became easy to lose track of time with sicheng

he was just so engaging

there was no part of you that felt bored or uncomfortable with him

yeah he was annoying and infuriating

but his good book taste made up for it

and his annotations in the margins of the books too

‘is this the last of them?’

he squints down at the page again, counting the books on the table again

its the third time hes counted

‘surely ive read more than this’

‘not from this library ://’

you blow your hair out from your face and look down at the pile

‘you know, I think my manager is starting to get really suspicious of me’

‘why’ he looks up briefly from his book to read your face

but you try and remain calm

‘well she only told me about the markings right. and now theyre disappearing’

he looks at you like ?????

‘well she knows ive been closing up late... I think she thinks I did it’

he laughs ‘you? has she met you?’

you pout and throw a pillow at him

‘HEY! what's that supposed to mean :((’

‘it means ive never met someone who's so protective over books as you’

you think about it, chewing ur bottom lip

‘lets just finish this’

‘do u want to get food after’

he surprises you with the sudden question

and the slight nervousness thats evident on his face really makes you want to say yes

but you have a class tomorrow

and you always try and finish up here earlier on a Thursday night

‘cant :((’

he nods and goes back to readng

theres silence for a while

but you find it comfortable

sicheng on the other hand, feels as though hes just been shot down

like

you just turned down his date

you've kinda noticed hes more reserved now

quiet

but rlly hes just kind of embarrassed

until u say something that gives him hope

‘I,, uh, I dont have plans tomorrow night’

and ngl boy is stunned

‘just if u wanted to go see a movie or something idk’

now its ur turn to be embarrassed

u hope ur hair is hiding ur face as u look back down at the book in ur lap bc no doubt ur blushing

but sicheng is just staring at you

and

before even saying anything

he leans over the gap between you

with all the books

and hovers in front of your face

ur so shocked and ur heart is beating way too hard and fast and ur breathing is too quick to be normal are you having an attack I dont know-

and then he leans forward a little bit more

and his lips meet yours

and suddenly its like a fireworks display went off inside you

and then its almost midnight on a Thursday night and ur sitting in the children's section of your workplace in the beanbags with sicheng cupping ur face and kissing you

he just really needed to kiss you

like more than he needed air

and when u finally pull back

he loves how breathless you are

how you have to fight to keep the smile off your face

how you stare at him with wide eyes

‘so its a date then?’

you blush even redder

and nod

‘ye its a date :))’

but for the next fifteen minutes you sit in stunned silence together

small smiles playing on your faces

until u look at your watch and ur like

‘shit sicheng I have to go’

and his eyes widen bc holy crap u were supposed to leave like half an hour ago

so u both sprint around the library trying to put all the books back

and he meets you at the door again after you've grabbed the keys and made sure everything that needed to be locked was,,, u know,, locked

and when ur walkign to the door again

hes on his phone

u cant see but hes texting his friends about what happened lmao what a softie

and when u walk out together

without thinking he grabs your hand

and u walk home

hand in hand

after midnight

he clears his throat

‘so uh,, when actually is our date’

‘my last class ends at 5-’

‘so 5 it is’

‘are u sure??’

he nods happily

and he presses a gentle kiss to ur forehead when u get to ur doorstep

‘ill see u tomorrow’

but the next day

when u come out of your last class

a little giddy

a little too excited

and see him leaning against one of the stone pillars

effortlessly handsome

you feel your heart flip

and maybe ur just tired or maybe its him

but hes really attractive

like really really attractive

its actually just that youre in love with him

he doesnt see you coming

too focused on something on his phone

but he definitely sees you when you push his hand out to the side and step onto ur toes to kiss him

and u can feel him smile a little as he kisses you back

‘ready for that date?’

‘yeah, where are we going’

‘so I was thinking we could go to the libra- HEY! dont hit me I was j o k i n g y/n jesus christ’

[prettylittlelyres]

My Year in Writing (2020)

Hello and Happy New Year! I thought it might be nice to share with you all an overview of what I've written in 2020.

First of all, let me say that I haven't written nearly as much as I wanted to, but that's OK, and it's OK if the amount you've written feels or looks pretty similar. The point is, it looks some way (I daresay pretty) because you've taken up the pen and put some words on a page.

I don't want to gloss over how bad aspects of my 2020 Writing Year have disappointed me, because that would be as silly as casting a damper on the whole thing by focusing only on the trickier bits. What I'm aiming for here is a balanced review - even if it's a rather informal one - of my achievements, and my feelings about my writing this year. In the interest of balance, let's start with something GOOD!

Right at the beginning of the year - around January - I started redrafting a rather fabulously dark fantasy romance, of which you've probably seen a little bit on this blog: Songs from the Crypt Forest, which I dropped after 9,800 words, because I wanted - and needed to work on my first dedicated book, and on my Year Abroad Research Project.

I managed to write about 17,000 words of the dedicated book in its original form before I realised that it wasn't quite working, and that I ought to try a different tack. The story I was telling there is a story I still want to tell, but I just wasn't ready to write it at the time. I'm hoping to pick it up properly in 2021.

I realised I needed to try getting back into the world I wrote in 'Violins and Violets', by writing something set around the same time and involving some of the same characters. In March, I started writing 'Book J', for which I didn’t have a proper title until I was nearly done with its first draft! I gave it the working title 'Book J', because I was writing it for my friend Jenny. By the time summer came round I had 52,000 words, and a first draft that was as complete as I think it ever will be.

Lockdown hit my life quite hard in Spring 2020, and I lost my language assistant job in France when all schools closed, and I had to come back to the UK to live out the academic year with my parents. Nevertheless I had to carry on working with my Year Abroad Research Project, Which I was able to hand in by 18th May, having squeezed all my findings into a dissertation of 6,000 words.

Now that my YARP was out of my way, and I had no more work to do for university, I started redrafting Jenny's book, now called 'Vogeltje', and cut it down to 44,000 words, which I polished until August... when I had copies printed for Jenny, so that she could read a book written especially for her. I would have given it to her in person in France, but lockdown happened, and I ended up posting her copies from one part of South England to another. A rather typical outcome for a meetup planned in 2019 for 2020, I suspect!

During lockdown, I also trained as a proof-reader and copyeditor, and did some volunteer work for a company that needed translators. Online training courses have been a godsend, and I've particularly enjoyed a novel writing course and a travel writing course that I've been following. The novel writing course has pushed me to flesh out plans for a number of books, including more detailed and cohesive outlines for 'Songs from the Crypt Forest' and 'The Night Has Teeth' (two books I want to write in a similar universe), along with my on-again-off-again WIP 'The Manylove Quarter' - and the plans for these three alone come to 7,850+ words!

I moved back to Southampton in July, and took August to start drafting 'The Manylove Quarter ', but that ended up petering out with about 19,200 words of prose on the page. Still, I spent a lot of time querying, and got plenty of reading done, so - especially considering the heatwaves in my area and a pretty enormous academic crisis in my record (fixed in November, after writing a LOT of letters and reports!!! So, this is where I send a million hugs to my lecturers and tutors for all the help they've given me, thank you, thank you, thank you all SO MUCH!!!) - I still felt fairly well-accomplished at the end of the month. I also did quite a bit of painting.

In August and September, I started typing up the journal I've been keeping since the beginning of April, once I'd settled back into life in the UK, to keep track of my feelings about the pandemic and my reactions to what I've seen or heard in the news. I write an average of 6,000 words per month, so I'm coming up to 50,000 words on the whole thing (but have yet to type up November or December). One day, I'll use it to write some extremely illustrious memoirs about how much fun, I had stamping up and down the stairs in my parents' house in order to get my steps in! (I really did get quite fit, though, and I want to get back to it in the New Year!)

At the start of September, I published a 2,500-word travel log my university's "study abroad" blog, all about how much I came to love the French city of La Rochelle, where I spent my 3rd year working. I think I will polish it at least a little before I post it here, but I would love to post a redrafted version on this blog!

My final year of university (BA Modern Languages, French and German) started in October, so all my reading and writing that month - or so it felt - was linked to my course. However. I've lost count of how many pieces I've translated between English, French and German, just to prepare for each class. I love my course, but it doesn't leave much energy for anything else!

Welcome to November, when all my graded assignments were due at once, and the associated stress started taking its toll. Luckily, my tutors were there to help me get extensions for work I couldn't hand in on time because my brain had turned into mashed potato. By the middle of December, I ended up with a 300-word translation and 300-word scripted scene for French, a 1,000-word commentary on a translation into English, a 2,500-word essay for French History, and a 2,000-word short story for German, which I've translated into English, and will post here any day.

This has really been a big year for letter-writing, especially since I came back from France. My cousin and I love writing longhand letters to each other, as I love writing them to my grandmothers, and, as such, I've written about one hundred letters this year! My cousin and I have kept every letter we've ever sent each other, and these collections have approximately doubled in size since the start of 2020.

I keep trying to redraft the first chapters of 'The Manylove Quarter', but never seem to get very far. With about 3 redrafts started since Autumn, I'd say l have about 1,000 words typed up. I can probably say the same of the story I'm trying to write as a kind of Standalone, kind of Sequel to 'This Still Happens' and 'Curls of Smoke', except that I'd put those around the 2,000-word mark.

If my Mathematic capabilities still stand up, I estimate I've written about 210,000 words in total this year (not including text messages, letters, emails and entries in my regular diary (which I keep separately to my pandemic journal)), which. honestly, makes me feel a little like I've failed myself.

That's why l'm making this post, actually, to address that feeling - because | know it's not rational, so I'm not going to call it "that fact" - and to tot all my work up in one place, so that I can see my achievements as one big hulk. Looking at my 2020 in terms of projects l've actually finished, it's disappointing! But to look at 2020 as a final wordcount makes me feel an awful lot better. My sister just pointed out that "210,000 words" is "nearly a quarter of a million words", and, put in that way, it's much easier to feel like I've accomplished something of which I can - and Should - feel proud. I've written a lot this year!

Now l'm asking all of you who feel like you've "not done enough work in 2020" to reassess the way you're looking at it all, and to see that:

Productivity shouldn't define how much you feel you're worth, no matter how productive you've been. Please don't fall into the capitalist trap of thinking you're only "doing the right thing" if you're working! You're worth a huge amount and you deserve to be proud of yourself!

You've achieved a lot more than you first thought, whether in the projects you've finished, the number of words you're written, the ideas you've had, the research and planning you've done, the time you've put in, the skills you've honed... OR THE FUN YOU'VE HAD! It all counts, and it's all important, and you can be proud of all of it, just like you can be proud of yourself.

If you don't feel like you've done enough, find a new angle from which to look at what you have done. I'm willing to bet someone out there can see how brilliantly you're doing already. Try to see yourself through that someone's eyes!

[purplesurveys]

1035

survey by tickticktmr

Do people spell your name wrong very often? LOL, of course. When your name is the less-common variant, expect it to be misspelled all the time. Only like 2 out of 10 times do people ask me if my name is spelled with an i or y, but it’s them I appreciate the most.

Who will your next phone call be with? I’m not expecting any phone call for a while.

Would you rather be taken or single? Ugh, taken. I love being in a relationship; I always enjoyed looking after someone else and doing things to make them happy. Being independent has its perks too, but I always feel lonely at the end of the day.

Do you plan to move any time soon? Nope, I’m taking it slow.

Would you rather have pink or green hair? I’d go with green but only if it’s a dark shade, like the color of seaweed. I wouldn’t appreciate neon green on my hair.

Do you miss anyone's smile right now? I saw it again yesterday, so I’m good.

Do you want kids? I used to, but now I’m back to the drawing board when it comes to kids.

Do you know who sings 'Let it rock'? It’s not ringing a bell, and honestly the first thing I remembered was the Goofy Goober Rock song from the Spongebob Movie HAHAHA. Sorry to disappoint.

Do you think stargazing is a romantic thing to do with someone? Sure, but I think it also works platonically. Stargazing is generally a nice and relaxing thing to do whether you’re alone, with an SO, with a friend, or with a bunch of friends.

Do you want to tell someone something right now? Yes, but I can’t.

What's your opinion on sex before marriage? It’s whatever. People can do what they want, and the only things they should watch out for are consent and being safe.

Do you own a car? I don’t own it, i.e. I didn’t pay for it, but it was given to me so I can have a car to drive myself when I need to go to places.

What is something that is always in your kitchen cupboards? Rice.

The last person you spoke to: have you ever lied to them? For sure. Growing up with strict parents taught me how to lie convincingly.

Have you ever made out with them? That person is my mother. No.

What woke you up today? I did so naturally.

Have you ever had a pet rock? No. People do that? How do rocks become pets?

Have you ever been lost? LOL like the lost-in-life kind of lost? Sure. I’m going through it at present because life threw a shit ton of curveballs at me over the course of two months.

How long is it until your sibling)s) birthday? My brother’s birthday is in 5 months; my sister’s is in 10 as she celebrated her birthday just last September.

Are you lazy? I can be if I want to. But I’m not always, of course.

Do you read the newspaper? No.

Have you ever heard of the song 'Teeth the size of piano keys'? No.

Who was your last thought about? You got me thinking about my sister because of the earlier question about her birthday.

What made you in the mood you are in right now? I’m relaxed at the moment and that’s thanks to the fact that it’s Sunday, I’ve recently gotten into a new hobby and a show I can dive into, and tomorrow’s a holiday so no work for me :) Gonna make the most out of this evening for sure.

Have you ever told someone to go to Hell? I’ve most likely done so, but only as a joke.

Do you know anyone named Jos? As in, pronounced ‘Jaws’? No. That’s one of the more unique names I’ve heard.

What's your font on MSN/AIM? I don’t use either. I never used either, either.

What's more important to you: books or music? Music.

Do you have any magazine subscriptions? Nah. Even when I still collected magazines, I preferred physically going to magazine stands and buying new issues. It was more exciting that way.

Has someone ever really hurt you without even realizing? Yeah.

What do you sleep in? A bed, most often. Sometimes I’ll pass out on the couch but that doesn’t happen too much anymore.

Have you changed in the past six months? Yes, both naturally and forcibly. It’s been... quite a year for me, even if we put Covid aside.

Do you bite your nails? When I’m anxious. I haven’t had to do this for a while though, and I mostly did when I was in school awaiting a presentation I had to make.

Do you like the name Natasha? I used to like it when I was younger, but it slipped out of my favorites for no real reason at some point; it just did.

What's a food that starts with the last letter of your first name? Naan.

Does your house have a white picket fence? It used to, but we had them removed after a string of typhoons increasingly deteriorated their quality over the years.

Have you ever been given flowers? Sure.

Do you have a YouTube account? How many videos have you watched on it? I do. Is the second one a real question lol? I’ve watched thousands, as I’m sure most people who use YouTube have done as well. This is like asking how many tweets in total I’ve read on Twitter since I first signed up.

Do you know anyone who is really, really conceited? My mom can be one. She likes to act as if she can do no wrong.

Who’s the last person you told off? My manager at work. I did something she asked me to do and followed the instructions down to a T...and then she said I shouldn’t have done it? That kind of thing happens at work every now and then and it’s fucking exhausting. It’s like every move I make has its own script and the script changes every five minutes. 

Are you optimistic? Sure, but not always.

How do you get to school/your job? I work from home, but under normal circumstances I would’ve been driving myself to the workplace.

Love or lust? Love.

Do you smoke cigarettes? Yeah, but I keep my use of it at an extreme minimum. I’ve only done it socially and I’ve only asked for cigarettes from my friends who have their own packs (and were willing to give me a couple of sticks, of course).

Have you ever been so mad at someone you hurt them? Like, physically? Yes, but it’s only because I was hit first.

Have you ever met someone you met online in person? This is on surveys a lot...yes. I’ve met several online friends who were once in the wrestling circle with me; and one time I bought a product from someone online so we had to meet up for that, too.

Have you ever not studied for a test and gotten 100%? Probably not a 100%, but close. I never studied for my Language exams in middle school because it was just literal English grammar, which I was already good at by that point.

Where is your boyfriend/girlfriend right now? I don’t have any.

Have you ever won a contest for public speaking? No, but I’ve joined one. I got a little frazzled by the middle of my speech (it was impromptu and I didn’t know my question until I got on stage) so in the end that cost me first place.

Are there any woods near where you live? Nah, it’s a private village so it’s super suburban and no hidden woods or forests anywhere.

What did you do today? So far I’ve watched 3/4 of an episode of Start Up, cried, washed my face, washed the glass that I drank soju from last night, and sat up in bed and continued this survey.

Have you ever considered suicide? Yes.

Do you have a lot of myspace friends? No. I never really used my account.

What was your favorite subject in grade six? Science was fun then. Partly because I could tell the teacher liked me, and partly because her method of teaching was big on memorization of terms and processes which was always more my speed.

Hot chocolate or coffee? I could go for coffee right now. Hot chocolate is best when I’m on vacation and having breakfast at a fancy hotel.

Do you like your neighbours? I don’t dislike them, that’s for sure.

Did you do something stupid today? Not yet. 

Name a five letter word that starts with the same letter as your first name. Ripen.

What time did you go to sleep last night? Around midnight. That soju/Yakult combo knocked me out.

Did you have fun yesterday? It was an okay day, sure. I got productive and even drank for a bit last night just because.

How many people are online on your MSN/AIM right now?

Would you like to/did you drop out of school? No, that was never a part of my plans.

What was your favorite book as a child? If we’re talking kids’ books, I never got tired of rereading Corduroy and The Giving Tree. I also had a book of poems and nursery rhymes and I remember taking a liking for The Owl and the Pussycat because it was the longest poem in the book and it helped me train my English.

How far away does your best friend live from you? Both live around 20-30 minutes away, just in different directions.

Do you think you could write a book? A memoir, yes. Anything fictional, no.

Is it hard to tell someone you like them? Yes.

How many bedrooms does your house have? 4.

Do you know anyone who can't speak French? Nearly everyone I know.

When's the last time you brushed your teeth? Last night.

Are you the same religion as your parents? Legally. But I disowned Catholicism/Christianity a long time ago.

Would you do anything for a certain person? Yes, I would.

Do you know anyone in your science class? The last science class I took was a course on chemistry, and I only knew one person in that class.

Describe your room: Cozy, starting to get a little cluttered, big enough for one person.

Do you still write letters to Santa, even when you know he's not real? No, and I never wrote letters addressed to a Santa.

Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? Nope.

Have you ever been lied to by a girlfriend/boyfriend? I’m sure she did.

Where is your dad right now? I can’t tell whose turn it is to make breakfast today, so he’s either in the kitchen cooking or in their bedroom watching TV.

Are any of your relatives pregnant? As far as I know, no. But I also haven’t been on Facebook in a while, so I’m poorly updated on what my relatives have been up to.

How many garabe buckets are in your house? I have no idea what this is talking about.

Would you want the truth if you asked if your pants made you look horrible? If I asked that then yeah, I obviously would want to hear the truth.

[chucklestheechidona]

Red Dwarf: USA

AKA: One week into isolation and a Welshman drunkenly types out his most controversial opinion

One of the first sci-fi shows I ever watched, at least, without realising it was science fiction, before even Star Trek, of which I vividly remember seeing Patrick’s face and voice on my thick arse grey heavier-than-sin Television, would have been that of the 1988 comedy - Red Dwarf.

I didn’t watch it live of course, I was born in 1993, by the time I could actually start remembering things the show had already ended. Like many people, I watched it on someone’s recorded VHS tape, among others in our house such as Duckman. Like Duckman, Red Dwarf was a bit out of my depth, but I liked it all the same. Some of the jokes landed and the slapstick and (not)aliens were enough to capture my attention.

Of course, I grew older, my appreciation for the show changed over time. The jokes obviously landed a lot more, but what I appreciated more was the character building, the acting, the writers and the cast having an appreciation, even through troubled shooting or grievances, towards what they were working through.

As anyone would expect though, I have my thoughts on where the series’s high’s ended, can see the flaws in some writing and some episodes, and overall the direction it headed after series 6, but yet, it still holds a special place in my heart.

Something I didn’t figure out until I was much older was the existence of a USA version. There was a pilot, then a failed attempt at another pilot/episode 2, and it was never heard from again.

Anyone from Britain could have told you this was a terrible idea from the start, anyone who’s watched it will tell you how awful it is.

In a DVD extra on one of the boxsets, both writers lamented what could have been if things went right, the misery of working in an American environment which didn’t appreciate the British insight. Rob, who plays Kryten, speaks about how the American cast thought the script the American execs were pushing on them to be terrible. But Rob got paid a lot of money to eat food and do some scenes, so he enjoyed it for the most part.

But if you like Red Dwarf, you already know this. If you didn’t, thanks for staying with me.

There are many reasons for why Red Dwarf USA didn’t work. “You can’t just take a British thing and try and localise it.”

Yet The Office USA is a massive hit, and has its fan-base here. 

Craig Charles, as in, Lister’s actor, reckoned it was because of a lack of a class system, although Doug, one of the writers, would disagree.

I get Craig’s feelings, mind you. In the UK, I have more in common with people who are on the same pay-grade as me than anything stupid like race, sex or religion. Which isn’t to say there aren’t those divides in the country, but the class system is very heavy here. The Lower and Working class bond knowing they’re working harder than those above for not as much pay.

But as Doug says, the people on Always Sunny/Malcolm in the Middle aren’t the same people who are on Friends/Frasier, for example. He uses a different example, for it’s an old documentary, but the point still stands. There is class in America, even if it’s implemented differently in media and IRL

(As an aside, Malcolm in the Middle was fantastic.)

Craig Bierko (the USA Craig and the USA Lister) said it was just a mistake to do, that they shouldn’t have even tried to localise an exceptional program. I mean, he partook in it, but the actor had to eat and food isn’t free.

But after all that, here’s the thing.

I think it could have worked.

It would need heavy editing mind you. A proper look into why it didn’t work in the first place. More of a look into an American future, rather than a future which was (despite original intentions) still heavily British. 

The jokes would need localising, the actors would need a bit of a workaround in terms of personality, but here’s why I started this.

Where the story would go next.

Dave Lister (UK) was a happy-go-lucky carefree scouser, who worked as little as possible, chased impossible dreams while playing a guitar he never put any actual time into learning. He got along with people quite well, despite being on the bottom of the pecking order. He got in trouble with authority, but he was doing it out of good intentions. 

This was mostly to balance out his bunkmate, Rimmer, who was in every way opposite. He was a stressed pent up ball of worry and anger, who had one dream and one goal only, of which he failed constantly. He was liked by no-one, the only person he was above (Lister) he took extreme measures to exercise the little power he had.

On an aside, UK Lister wasn’t conventionally attractive. Craig Charles is a good looking bloke mind you, he’s not ugly, but his looks managed to sell the underdog achiever. He looked very much the part of a low-life Liverpudlian drunk. (despite being a wordsmith and successful poet in real life, not to mention his impressive DJ’ing)

USA Lister however, was played by this HUNK.

Dave Lister USA was shown to be the same kind of person, but hinted at was his more roguish cheeky nature. A more... American view. While Lister UK, when talking to his crush, would be almost awkward, never really sharing many words with her, despite being madly in love with her, Lister US had gone out with Kochanski.

(True, UK did past series 5, but a retcon to match the books is still a retcon)

Lister US was cheeky, cocky, a bit arrogant to Kochanski. He hadn’t taken the relationship seriously. She was a Flight Navigation Officer, he was the lowest rank on the ship, a Third Technician. He had no aspirations, no dreams. He had a plan, much like our Lister, but hadn’t even seemed to save up pay for it. He mentions it once in passing to Kryten at the start, but the way he talked to Kristine, the way he spoke about it to Kryten, it seemed that he’d given up, more than our more hopeless UK Lister. 

UK Kristine knew Lister but had hardly shared words with him, and it was all Lister’s fault, as Kris would have been kind enough to actually talk to him. UK Lister’s story overall is of a man who had the chance to be better, but gave himself excuses why he couldn’t, or didn’t. UK Lister could have talked to Kris at any time, but had been his own obstacle.

USA Kristine however, had had USA Lister actually get her to go out with him. It was nice, they still talk. But Kris had ended it. Kris had career aspirations, and Lister had not.

(This kept close to the UK books, but UK Kris had somewhat used UK Lister as a rebound. It was still a nice enough break-up, but Lister then careens down into depression. Unlike AmeriLister who’s optimistic he can pick it back up. Gotta love America and their hope.)

This culminated in the final scene we see of pre-accident Kris, where she sees David did a noble gesture by sacrificing himself to save his cat, and (even though oddly paced) tells David she loved him.

Heat of the moment it may be, but USA Lister immediately cracks, telling the crew that he’d give up the cat’s location. It’s played for laughs obviously, but maybe this is what’s more important to USA Lister.

But these very differences, like angles, could stretch further than just copying the show. By leading on from what made AmeriDave different than BritiDave.

What I would do

First, we make USA Lister stand out more. His dress attire seemed Han Solo-esque, so let’s put a bit of that personality into him. This Lister, would have been an under-acheiver his whole life, maybe after the event, he wouldn’t be. This Lister would be brought back with a new sense of determination. He has to prove to Kochanski, Rimmer, his Cat and Holly that he’s no longer this Third Technician, he was capable of getting back the human race.

Where UK Lister (at least, in the show) would try and see in what ways he could kill time, in a sobering kind of malaise that strikes a man three million years into deep space, USA Lister would be trying to get his head around how to get back. In the final part of the show, after they see their future selves, he knows he actually has to do something. Back to earth? Sure, he wouldn’t know, and finding out would be hard, but USA Lister would actually have to learn to apply himself early. 

This doesn’t sound like Lister! (or more accurately, isn’t this just the Book Lister) British people like seeing despair. We long to see Del Boy fail, we want to see Basil Fawlty have a meltdown. Americans have hope. They want to see Ross get with Rachel, they long to see their hero win. Or if he can’t win, have a snarky comment about it. We want to see UK Rimmer and Lister fail in their attempts to get back, because it’s funny. USA have hope. They’d want to see Lister get home.

USA Rimmer would make learning hell for USA Lister. Rimmer, thinking he knows more, would foil the attempts at Lister, but not out of malice, out of incompetence on Rimmer’s part. “Thermodynamics, let me teach you, Dave, no-one’s taken that test more than I have!” Que the failed test.

Unfortunately, the Cat, Kryten, Holly and Rimmer in the US version are almost all carbon-copies of their UK counterpart. I haven’t thought this through enough, obviously. They’d have to be changed, Episode 1 would have to be rewritten, but with changes in mind.

I’d have USA Lister be an actual hero, but a kinda useless one who takes a while to get things done, consulting with his equally useless crew. Rimmer, to be a dick, but with a lot of the bitterness taken out (because American’s can’t really pull it off), but with the same inferiority complex. He’d make hell for Lister, but under the genuine reason of “I want to see you do better. (cause right now you’re an embarrassment to the human species)“ The last human, trained by the best of what was left of humanity. Or at least, Rimmer would see it that way.

The rest of the cast could be figured out later. Honestly, too much like their counterparts. I guess that was the point of the show when they tried to release it, it was only a localisation after all.

Conclusion

We’ll never know what Rob and Doug wrote that the other actors liked, I doubt a copy was kept after it was butchered by the Americans.

But I think what little made it different, was the bit where it shone. Sure, shone as in behind 4 panes of glass and a sheet of paper, but still, it could have been something.

I’m a sucker for “What could have been.” Even for money-grabbing USA executive schemes such as trying to make RD: USA

And hey, maybe it could have. And I like all that alternative stuff. When Mortal Kombat actually included bits from the movies, that made me smile. If Sonic ever had a nod to Fleetway, I’d be happy enough.

Maybe one day we’ll have an alternative Lister played by Craig Bierko, and he’d be an actual space-wanderer hero. And then our UK Lister can call him smug smeghead. And he’d be right.

(About USA Lister, not Bierko)

Final Conclusion

The word count on this went way out of hand. This killed an afternoon and I’m stuck in my house, I have a backlog a mile long to go through

Need to finish ‘Off’, ‘Torchwood’, DW, and possibly watch some Red Dwarf before the new one is out.

Thanks for listening to my rant.

Smegheads

[afriendlyphobia]

“Got My Ion You”

pairing: Spider-man/peter parker x reader

genre: flufff

warnings: none :)

Request?

word count: 2.6k

A/n: tbh i got this idea while i was cleaning my room. so idk if it even makes sense and i haaaate itttt also this is the longest one shot fic i’ve ever written lord help me

—————————————————————————————————-

You looked up from your homework, chewing on the end of your pencil lightly. It was a habit that you had never been able to let go, but you claimed it helped you “think better”. You eyes narrowed in on your best friend who was currently lounging next to you on his phone.

“Hey Pete.” The brunette looked over at you, eyes wide with a puzzled expression.

“Exactly how does being on your phone help you with studying for finals?” You questioned him jokingly. After all, he was the one who had begged you to come over and study claiming that he couldn’t focus alone.

“I already know all the material.” He shrugged, going back to scroll through his feed.

Your eyebrows bumped together and confusion. “Then why did you beg and plead to come study with me?”

“Is there a problem with me wanting to hang out with my best friend since second grade?” He questioned you innocently, rolling onto his stomach. He placed his head on his palms and blinked at you with puppy eyes.

Okay, you had to admit he had a point. The two of you were practically inseparable. From spending almost everyday together or on video call to constantly texting, you almost considered him your brother.

Almost.

See, you happened to have a rather huge crush on none other than Peter Parker. You’d started having feelings for him nearly two years ago, and assumed that the butterflies would die in a few month. But you were wrong...so wrong.

The butterflies had seemed to multiply and now you were in love with the curly haired, starry-eyed, beautiful boy whom you called your friend...and nothing more.

But there was nothing you could do to fix your problem. You risked a lot by telling him about your feelings. Peter wasn’t the type to stop being friends with you just because you liked him, but you didn’t want to ruin things and make it awkward.

It was cliche, you knew that. But this was real life. Things don’t work like those movies and books do...right?

What you didn’t know is that Peter wasn’t much better off that you. He had liked you since, well, you first met him. He had just never said anything due to the same reasons you had.

That and recently Peter had started having a growing attraction to someone he could never tell you about in a million years.

You shook your head, coming back to reality, and rolled your eyes at him. “What are you doing anyway?”

He showed the screen of his phone to you before moving it back. “Reading science pick up lines.” He said, as if the pastime was completely normal.

“Oooooh~ Peterrr wanna tell me about her?” You cooed, mimicking a basic highschool girl while moving closer to him.

“Nahhh.” He rolled over onto his side so his back was facing you. “Don’t think I will.”

You’d be a liar if you didn’t admit that you’re heart dropped for a second. But how could you not expect him to have a crush on someone else. Honestly you were surprised he didn’t even have anyone in the first place considering how beautiful and perfect he was.

You didn’t reply, only going back to study your notes. Your answer being in the form of the sound of you writing.

“Do you wanna hear one?” His soft voice asked after a few seconds of silence.

You signed and slowly nodded without looking up, but you could just tell he was beaming at the moment.

“Ok ok... So. My love for you is like the universe.” You raised an eyebrow at him. “Never ending!”

His face almost made you laugh, but just for the spite of it, you kept a straight face and slowly shook your head in fake disapproval.

“Not feelin it?”

“Try another one, Champ.” You rolled your eyes, a tiny smile pulling at your lips.

“Fine.” He sighed, scrolling through his phone for another second before glancing at you. “Do you like science? Cuz i’ve got my ion you.”

The joke was bad enough, but Peter, being the little shit he is, added a wink into the mix. To avoid blushing madly from the tiny gesture, you picked up a pillow and threw it at him as hard as possible.

“What the—Ouch!” He flailed off the bed, exaggerating his pain and rolled around on the floor. “Oh i’m wounded!” He groaned before picking the same weapon up and chucking it back at you.

You ducked, missing his attack completely. You smiled widely at him, holding up two middle fingers innocently.

“You’re the worst.” You rolled your eyes, a tiny giggle still detectable in your voice. “You and your pick-up lines.”

“Hey, I’m just warming up.” Peter sat up, pushing the messy curls from his eyes. “You must be a 90 degree angle because to me, you look just right.”

“PETER!” You yelled, once again chucking the pillow back at him. This time however, you were giggling at his stupid self. It wasn’t long before he too joined you as a laughing mess. All which was music to your ears.

~•~

The next day was an absolute roller coaster for you. It started out like any normal day, but after getting an Avengers alert in the middle of AP Chem, things got a little crazy.

That would be your third unexcused absence that week. If you kept your side job up, your mother would start to wonder what you were doing instead.

Of course it wasn’t your fault, it was either get perfect attendance or save the world. You chose the latter.

Stumbling out of school, you ran into a abandoned alley way and began hurriedly stripping out of your school clothes, revealing the slightly armored spandex suit that was hidden beneath. You shuffled through your bag, pulling out the black, red, and silver mask.

You stuffed your school back in its normal hiding spot before running down the alley, failing to notice the webbed (in plain sight) backpack also there.

“Hey. F.R.I.D.A.Y.?” You tapped your temple.

“Yes, Ms. L/N?” The automated voice responded.

“Pick me up.”

“Already on it, look behind you.” You glanced over your shoulder, smiling under your mask as your similarly colored motorcycle approached from behind.

Doing a backflip at exactly the right moment, you landed perfectly on the seat of your ride. Gripping the handles, your sped up, moving faster towards the indicated spot on your mask’s digital map.

“Incoming call from: Spider-Man.” You raised your eyebrows at the notification but told F.R.I.D.A.Y. to answer it.

“Hey Webhead!” You greeted your partner. Without the original Avengers around to protect Manhattan, the two of you had become the next generation. The dynamic duo. Partners in fighting crime. “How’s downtown looking?”

You heard incoherent sarcastic mumbling before getting a reply. “Looks like a giant mechanic thingy.”

“Thingy? Very professional.”

“—Shut up. You’re late anyway.”

You swerved hard around a truck, leaning in order to make it in time before oncoming traffic reached you. “Sorry we live in Manhattan. Traffic isn’t always ideal.” You rolled your eyes at your partner.

“Wanna take the high route?” You could hear the ‘thwip’ sound of his webshooters, knowing that he was already in his way.

You didn’t reply, just ended the call and gave F.R.I.D.A.Y a quick command. “Hey take over for me, will you?”

“Of course.”

You let go of the handle bars, raising one arm, knowing your spider-friend wasn’t far away.

A gloved hands clasped your semi-covered one and pulled you into the air.

“Yoink!” You looked up at the hero, knowing that he was grinning behind his mask.

“Really? Every time?” Your mask’s eyes narrowed at him in faux disapproval.

He shrugged, using the momentum of swinging to pull you up against his body. You wrapped your arms around his neck, allowing him to let go of you and use both hands to swing through the city. You could feel his heart beat, and it was racing. You could only assume he was nervous about the fight; you were too.

The two of you were close, fighting crime together for almost a year now was one of the factors. However, you didn’t really know who he actually was.

It was a promise you both made when you signed up for the job. You weren’t gonna let your personal lives get mixed with your hero lives. It was sensible, but it didn’t keep you from wondering what he looked like under than mask. You’d be naive to assume he never thought the same.

Not long after, the two of you were standing on a rooftop, watching as the giant mechanical monster worked it’s way towards the heart of Manhattan.

You breathed out an exasperated breath as you watched it. “Hydra again?”

Spider-Man crossed his arms across his chest and shrugged. “I’m assuming so. Looks tougher than last time though.”

“Don’t be a whimp.” You shrugged, attempting to mask the worry in your own voice. “You ready to go, Spidey?”

He looked from you, to the machine, then back to you. “Ready as I’ll ever be.” He held out his hand, ready for your famous handshake.

You smiled, following his lead before jumping into action.

~i can’t write fight scenes help~

Nearly two hours later, you sat on the same rooftop from before as a bruised, sweaty, and bloody mess. You could feel the wounds healing due to your healing factor, but it hurt none the less.

Spider-man has dropped you off (per your command) and was dealing with the clean up and press. but you expected him to be back at any moment.

As if he had heard your thoughts, the masked web-slinger showed up. He landed on the rooftop, his body language showing how exhausted he really was.

He stumbled over to you, sliding down the same half wall you rested against.

“Back from the red carpet?” You quipped, trying to control your heaving breathing.

“Har. Har.” He mock laughed, placing a hand over the burned scar on his abdomen while wincing.

He glanced at you, one of his fiberglass eye-lenses was cracked, giving you the first look at his real eyes you had ever seen. But there was something else, the tiny part of his cheek you could seen was...pink? Was he blushing?

You shook your head. No, of course not. He was probably just worn out.

But his eyes didn’t leave your figure. They were searching you, even though most of your face was covered (except for the parts now exposed from cuts and burns).

But there was something familiar about those eyes. Something that you couldn’t put your together due to your hazy, tired mind.

Your partner seemed to be thinking something similar as you. But he gave up, resting his head back against the wall and sighed heavily.

“Hey.” He breathed, not looking at you. You didn’t verbal reply, just looking at you with tired eyes. “Do you like science?”

You raised you eyebrow, mouth moving to open as you finally began to piece two and two together.

“Cuz I’ve got my ion you.” Laughing breathlessly at his joke, the hero attempted to lighten the mood. the effort caused him to wince several times during the process.

“Wha...what the?” You slowly sat up, eyes widening. “Peter..?”

The visible eye widened in shock. “Uh, uh.” He cleared his throat, lowering his voice. “What are you talkin—“ You pulled off you mask, eyes still wide with surprise. “Y/N?!!”

Spider-man reached up and pulled up off his own mask, his eyes nearly as wide as yours.

There sat your childhood best friend, bruised from battle, with his mouth hanging wide open.

“How can this be?” He asked, his voice going an octave higher as he stuttered. “My best friend is also my hero partner? That’s crazy, i mean, what are the chances of that? And to think I stopped liking you because i thought i had no chance and I started liking your alter ego—wait, shit.” He covered his mouth with his hands.

“Peter...?” Leaning towards him, your voice fell to just barely above a whisper. “You like...me?”

“Well I...” He glanced at you and pushed back his messy curls from his forehead. “Yes...I like you. I’ve liked you ever since we met.” He admitted sheepishly.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” You asked softly, already knowing the reason.

“Because...you just seemed so out of my league.” He glanced down at his hands, fidgeting nervously with the webshooters. “You’re amazing, sweet, kind, and absolutely beautiful. Plus we have such an amazing friendship I—“ He took a deep breath when you placed your own hand over his, slowly interlocking them.

He looked up at you, a sudden wave of boldness washing through his veins. “—I don’t wanna just be your friend.”

His free hand moved up to cup your cheek; his eyes glanced from your eyes to your lips. “I want to be more.” He breathed.

You didn’t reply, your actions speaking for you as you leaned closer to him.

“Can I..?” Peter asked, unsure suddenly as doubts began to flood his mind.

You could tell he was about to say something else, but before he could say anything, you gently pressed your lips against his.

And suddenly a beautiful feeling washed over you. Those butterflies you had been holding onto seemed to burst into freedom. Your lips moved in sync, like they were made to be together.

Peter’s hands found your hips naturally, holding onto you as if you were his lifeline. You hands wrapped around his neck, fingers twirling gently in his soft hair.

Pulling back for hair, your chests heaved, but you kept your forehead pressed against his.

“Hey Pete?” You asked softly.

He hummed in response, face still red and heart pounding.

“I think...I love you.” You whispered now only a few centimeters from his lips.

Peter’s heart skipped a beat when you said those words. Those magical words he never thought he would hear you say. He bit his lips, savoring the sound of you saying it play over and over in his mind.

“Can you..” He hesitated. “Can you say that again?”

Your eyebrows bumped together as you leaned back to get a better look at him. “I love you?”

Like a giddy middle school girl, he fell backwards, nearly giggling from all the emotions that were coursing through him.

“Oh my god, Y/N!” He laughed, covering his face with his hands before jumping up.

“I love you. I love you. I love you!” He laughed, forgetting all previous pain. You looked at him, smiling at how genuinely happy he was. He reached a hand out to you, pulling you up.

He twirled you around, causing you to giggle at his pure reaction to the event. Coming back in from the twirl, you wrapped your arms around his torso, hugging him tightly.

He laughed softly, resting his head in the crook of your neck, beaming like a little kid in a candy store.

“Are you less than 90 degrees?”

“Peter, don’t you dare—“

“Cause you’re acute girl!” He laughed, and you pushed away from him, punching his chest (lightly of course). He laughed, giving you the biggest grin possible. “You know you love me.” He smirked, winking at you.

You blushed, shaking your head as you crossed your arms. “Yeah..” You huffed. “Yeah I love you..”

You smiled at each other, getting lost in the magic of the night.

[gotatext]

hello, it’s swamp witch nora again…. i couldn’t stay away.... hitting u with a tiny baby boy who is also terrible (sometimes).  musical softboi who loves karl marx and hates children dying in cobalt mines to make smart phones. as is tradition, here’s the pinterest board, have a peruse. fyi sorry for those of u who have read this intro a thousand times i literally.... can never b bothred to change it n i think thats really sexy of me x

CHARLIE PLUMMER / DEMI-BOY — don’t look now, but is that rory bergström  i see? the 23 year old music student is in their junior year and he is a rochester alum. i hear they can be whimsical, impassioned, self-indulgent and nitpicky, so maybe keep that in mind. i bet he / they will make a name for themselves living in griffin street. ( nora. 24. gmt. she/her. )

aesthetics.

bed hair from a permanent state of slumber, calloused fingertips from strumming bass into the early hours and djing into the blacklit night, self-help books thumbed once and thrown beneath your bed, battered copies of choose your own adventure books, spliffs passed half-arsed across rooftops while light pollution obscures low-hanging stars, marxist literature in stacks against your bedroom walls, a burner phone twice-shattered and a stash of replacement sim cards.

tw ocd, anxiety, drugs

half-swedish, half-british. the swedish is on his mother’s side. he’s bilingual but thinks in english. only really speaks swedish around his mother. only child, and kinda put a lot of pressure on himself to be the perfect kid when he was young, but his parents are honestly, quite decent? and just want him to have a nice life, they don’t care if he isn’t successful or rich or anything, they’re honestly rather solid. (wow imagine having nice parents, a first for all my characters, im literally this meme)

grew up in peckham, a suburb of london. growing up, his mum was a model / actress / waitress who later retrained as a speech therapist and his dad worked in her majesty’s service at buckingham palace. his dad wasn’t allowed to tell his family what his job entailed but rory suspects it’s probably very boring and just involves a lot of…. logistics n security.

was bullied a lot at school. [cole sprouse voice] he didn’t fit in and he didn’t want to fit in. unironically wore a trenchcoat to school every day of his life. spent most of his lunchtimes in the library because it was his safe space. as a result he knows…. loads of useless information because 30% of his school years were spent reading anthologies on space and the vikings etc. would be good on a game show. obsessively recorded every episode of university challenge as a child.

middle-class and lowkey quite wealthy but rarely talks about money, one of those well-off people who still wears really old shitty shoes and only spends money if they absolutely have to

virgin who can’t drive

into star wars, not into the big bang theory. feminist. can’t watch horror movies

favourite film is where the wild things are. also loves the florida project. thinks kids are the sweetest thing and can’t wait to be a dad to some

has been musical for as long as they can remember. first picked up guitar because he thought it would make this girl esther who he was in love with like him, but he just ended up falling in love with music instead.

formulated several different bands as a kid but ultimately had to give it up cos he was quite controlling and got fixated on making a certain sound so it wasn’t really fun for the others. got into electronic music because it was something he could do basically on his own and keep tweaking until he got it perfect

always drumming their fingers or strumming invisible guitar strings. tends to avoid parties bc he has quite has specific tastes when it comes to music and doesn’t like listening to r&b for eight hours while people throw up into plastic cups.

a techno connoisseur. has been making electronic music since he was about twelve.

after his parents divorce, when he was fourteen, rory & his mother moved to run-down suburban neighbourhood, pittsfield, massachussets.

big into photography. he mostly uses a canon 35mm camera, but occasionally uses disposable ones when he wants that more rustic feel.

moving to the states, their photography became more focused on suburban neighborhoods and are often quite dark and cinematic (think gregory crewsden). here are some shots of pittsfield i really like which rory has on his wall [1] [2] [3]

falls in love 12 times a day. never had a girlfriend or boyfriend. gets sweaty when someone cute looks at him. flirting?? what?? would prefer to idealise them from a distance

gender??? hm. rory don’t really know where they fit yet, sometimes he feels like a guy and sometimes they dont feel like anything at all!! slippin out of his physical form into the spirit realm! isn’t really bothered, cos they think it’s a social construct anyway. uses he/they pronouns interchangeably, but currently feels like ‘he’ is more fitting. won’t necessarily pull anyone up on it cos he knows having an identity that’s constantly…. in flux.. can be annoying for others … and doesn’t want to be a burden even tho it isn’t at all?? rory internalises guilt

everything is socially constructed. mirrors let you move through time. the whole thing’s a metaphor. he thinks he’s got free will but really he’s trapped in a maze. in a system. all he can do is consume. people think it’s a happy game. it’s not a happy game — it’s a fucking nightmare world, and the worst thing is, it’s real and we live in it!!!!

has ocd. tries to let it affect his life as little as possible, but obviously it’s incredibly hard to control a compulsive disorder. was teased for it at school when other kids started to notice. he was obsessed with the number five, would wash his hands five times, count stairs i groups of five, he could only use the corridors in one direction and always had to keep his hands busy. it manifests itself in hyper-fixations (trains when he was a child – specifically steam engines – then later he became obsessed with space and the patterns of constellations, and now he’s obsessed with synthesizers) and repetitive behaviours like counting stairs. doesn’t really affect his social life at all, he can jst get a bit locked-on n hyper-focused sometimes.

has insomnia. barely ever sleeps. finds it hard to switch off from work / writing / gaming / whatever’s preoccupying him in that moment. he’s always awake at 5am and quite often sleeps in through classes but still gets really good grades because he’s very good at his course. rarely attends classes. prefers to work independently. doesn’t really trust his tutors are intelligent enough to be teaching him, and is particularly suspicious of the lockwood tutors. a music snob tbh

occasionally deals weed n pills when strapped for cash, but only 2 ppl he knows, and on a very small scale grass-roots level!! (so its ok???) rollerskates around campus dealing cos they dnt have a car. we love to see it

aesthetics: bed hair from a permanent state of slumber, calloused fingertips from strumming bass into the early hours and drumming into blacklit night, self-help books thumbed once and thrown beneath your bed, watching vine compilations until your eyes turn square, battered copies of choose your own adventure books, spliffs passed half-arsed across rooftops while light pollution obscures low-hanging stars

likes: techno, the webpage cats on synthesizers in space, allen ginsberg, vintage gramophones,  floating points, lcd soundsystem, marijuana, soft dogs that let you pet them, late-night strolls talking about the universe, independent films, cigarettes, herbal tea, gallows humour, long showers, brown eyes, tchaikovsky, dr. seuss, constellations, photography, late night jazz, vintage game boys and girls who could rip his still-beating heart out of his chest and use it as an ashtray. dislikes:  weddings, funerals, formality, button-up shirts that people actually button-up, bananas, hot coffee, social media, people who watch and play sports, rap music – especially of the misogynistic variety, indie wankers in wire-framed glasses that play ed sheeran songs at open mic nights.

plot ! with ! me ! i’d say all the usual “exes fwb hookups spiel” but rory… has never hooked up with anyone… i feel like a deer in the headlights of love……. so give me

study buddies,

people who are also into techno and are music snobs about it,

people who love all kinds of music,

people who are in bands that maybe rory’s recorded and produced stuff for,

people he actually jams with (he plays bass and synth),

unrequited crushes!!

actually i think rory had sex w delilah in the last version of this rp so if u want a hook up plot its possible just unlikely. they’d hav 2 be the driving force i reckon cos rory doesn’t really act on impulses like desire or anythin.... jst bottles that shit up !!! but yea we could do a spicy hook up plot maybs, depending on the person

someone they met at a knitting club in freshman year and have remained friends with despite no longer going to it

people rory knows from open mic nights and gigs

library girlfriends / boyfriends that he stares at longingly while paging through leatherbound volumes

gamers !!! social recluses !!! hermits !!

people he deals weed to on his rollerskates (why r all my characters obsessed with rollerskates)

skaters. rory is really shit at skateboarding. like really shit. help the smol

[x0401x]

Yuukei Roadshow Reports and Highlights

Compilation of info found on Twitter and Privatter. Many thanks to ayara-resara for indicating them all!

Translations Index || Next Show >>

@taro4oto2:

Me: Jin-san, in your mind, what kind of adult will Kisaragi Shintarou become in the future...? Jin: Ah~! Kisaragi Shintarou, huh; he is who he is~. I’m thinking of writing songs concerning him from now on too. I’m currently 28, and if I think about him at around this age... I guess he’d probably be a teacher or something like it.

@BlueD01:

“Jin-san, what do you think Momo-chan will be in the future?” Jin-san: Let’s see... *thinks a little* An actress, I guess. “‘An actress’?” *thought process stops* Jin-san: She might also go... overseas. (Memory is faint here.) “Ooh.” Jin-san: I want to write these stories about the future next time. (At last.) “Thank you very much!”

@920ms:

My hands were shaking during Jin-san’s autograph session. Hella.

Although it was a commemorative autograph section for the release of MekaRelo, I’d wanted to tell him no matter what that I get strength from listening to Otsukimi Recital when I have to lighten up... So, I told him this, but I accidentally ended up babbling that Hibiya and Momo’s interactions were the most interesting to me and that I liked them a lot. And then Jin-san said, “I like them too! What will happen to them from now on?? I’m really curious!” as if to dig into it.

Of course I knew that he liked Hibiya and Momo’s combo, but the “What will happen to them from now on?” has been echoing in my brain the entire time... I had a bunch of other things to say, like, “The songs of Momo’s friends are also the best” and, “I’d been listening to Mekakucity Days/Records/Reload a~~ll the time coming the way here”, but my attention was drawn too hard by Jin’s words, so I couldn’t do it...

@BrainBurnShout:

Started with an explosive crossfade.

The host was the woman in charge of KADOKAWA’s Mekakucity Talkers (she’s a beauty).

Jin entered the stage slurping the Shissou Word-themed drink like, “I’d wanted to eat the pancakes but they sold out before I got to it.”

He had his first impression of VOCALOID with “Melt”.

The origin of his conceptualization of “stories told through music” stemmed from Kinniku Shoujo Tai and The Who.

He had planned on the narrative even before Jinzou Enemy, and while gathering up the pattern usage of “a story that ~ the eyes”, the first one he came up with was the one that “locks the eyes”.

One sentence of the initial concept that remained in his PC was: “Medusa does not come out of her house.” (original text)

KagePro is a “curse from his 19-year-old self” because his period of training was long.

He struggles with the consistency of the plot, like, “This and that don’t connect!” and, “That’s my old self~”.

During the innitialization of his PC, he interpreted the “name registration” wrong and accidentally named his PC “Frederica”.

*PC falls down the stairs during moving* Jin: FREDERICAAAAAA!!!!!

He had the ending of the story decided from the beginning.

Due to this, he couldn’t introduce new characters even though he’d always wanted to.

He’s been writing the sequel while thinking that if it turns out impossible to publish, then so be it.

Host: Are you going to make them reincarnate in a parallel world? Jin: That would be a spin-off... like, “Kagerou Quest” or something.

What hides beneath Ayano’s gentleness was something he’d come up with since the initial stages. (He didn’t mention it on Twitter or the like, though.)

[In regards of a question about “becoming an adult”] Jin: Until joining (Edword) Records, I had been in the position of Big Bro, but now I’m a full-fledged Uncle.

Since he’s an adult, he has to pay taxes. He’s been somehow making ends meet with the money that everyone bought the CD with.

[In regards of a question by an Asahiner from the audience about My Funny Weekend] The cheerful verses like the one that goes, “move forward” were said by Hiyori.

The Asahiner who had been waiting all this time for a Hiyori song is overcome with emotion.

The reason why there wasn’t a Hiyori song from the start is that, “If I had included her, everyone’s worries would have been relatively...”

Jin-san: Hiyori-sama.

He has the image of the adult Mekakushi-dan.

It seems Kido will be a caretaker in an orphanage.

When he talked about that image to Sidu-san, the MV’s adult!Kido was suddenly brought up. Jin: Did you turn her into an adult already? Sidu: Should I not have done that?

Hibiya will be an archeologist, and since the Medusa is said to have her roots abroad, he might do a research on that.

Even in Jin-san’s own mind, there are many interpretations: “So and so will get married”, “No, it’ll be so and so”. “The one Shintarou will marry is Haruka!” *audience acclaims*

Jin-san will write the interpretation of the winner of his peerless inner fight.

Haruka is main heroine.

Rather than saying that the albums go from 1st and 2nd to the 3rd, it’s more like the 1st and 2nd are an omnimbus and the 3rd is a backside.

What he depicted with Imaginary Reload was the strength of Mary, who isn’t there just to be protected.

The top was reached by drawing out the 274BPM Konoha~

Remind Blue has parts of Summer Time Record that he hadn’t been able to write about.

It was supposed to be Shintarou’s song, but the lyrics turned out as something that applies to everyone. (Seto has his own Remind Blue and it might be that Kano thinks the same things.)

As a result of Jin-san’s definition of friends, which is “we think alike even without saying anything”, it ended up becoming a song about the whole Mekakushi-dan.

From Jin-san’s childhood experiences, fireworks = summer’s end (an element also used in the novels).

Therefore, the English version of “Wasurete Shimatta Natsu no Owari ni” is “Fireworks in the Summer End”.

@ndfakvnico:

Shissou Word “She’s bad with words, and I’m the same as her, so I made that into a song.”

Additional Memory A song about regret. Jin-san’s grandfather passed away, and for a while upon coming to Tokyo, he hadn’t been able to see him at all. After the funeral, Jin-san found a file with cutouts of himself from magazines that his grandfather had kindly gathered up. He regretted not having been able to convey anything to him.

Lost Day Hour A song about friends. There was a time during middle school in which he found himself unable to go to school. “If you don’t go once, you become less and less able to.” Back then, he encountered wonderful music. A-kun (provisory nickname), who told him that he also liked said music, came around and the two of them formed a band together. Jin became able to attend high school. He didn’t know what a friend was until then, but he thought, “I guess he’s my friend”.

Wasurete Shimatta Natsu no Owari ni A song with the image of summertime fireworks. “Tokachi District holds the second largest fireworks festival of the country. I wonder what being second place is like. Just what are they fighting on this? (laughs)” It’s like the scenery of Gin no Saji; a place with that kind of feeling to it.

Remind Blue “Summer is hot and I don’t like it, but it has its charm. I wonder if I was properly able to make that end of summer into a song.”

As always, he drank a lot of water. Actually, in addition to the four bottles that were put there, he also brought a lot of water with him.

As he talked about each song, he would play them with his accoustic guitar.

“Such an honestly pretty library. So many books. It’s my first time singing in a place like this, so I’d been wondering if I wouldn’t get chased out if someone like me suddenly showed up and started singing. (laugh)”

By the way, he was indeed wearing a jersey... lol.

He was super cool when he was singing, but during the time of exiting the stage, he made his way out unsteadily while bowing, so he gave off a feeling of ordinary Nii-chan and it was heartwarming.

He’s good at singing. (my childish reaction)

His manner of speech was extremely gentle, and though I really enjoy the excitement of live concerts and the like, that calm atmosphere and his kind way of performing and talking had me going, “Aah, this totally goes well with Jin-san. It totally goes super well with him. Play-and-talk live concerts are the best...”

There were 100 people with regular tickets, lots of others were standing behind them, the costumers of the nearby Starbucks were all looking too, and many people also stood watching in rows at the second floor’s corridors.

The venue was a Jin World.

I’d been reflecting on the meaning of him doing a library live, and I think it’s something amazing. At the end of it, a staff member asked something by requesting people to raise their hands, and turns out that there were mostly middle and high scholars attending. It felt like there were also grade scholars and college students. Is there any other rock musician who would open an event at a middle school or a public library? Well, there might be, but that’s still incredible...

We were told that we couldn’t enter the venue unless we had a regular ticket, that it was okay to enter because it was a public space, that we couldn’t get autographs, that we actually could get them even without the ticket, and, hum, get your information... together... (tiny voice)

He talked a lot more about the songs, but it’s not coming to me... aah.

In one sentence, it was awesome.

@kugamiryou

The moderator this time was the editor of Mekakucity Talkers, and her hairstyle was kind of similar to Azami-san’s.The song order of the rendition was “Shissou Word”, “Additional Memory”, “Lost Day Hour”, “My Funny Weekend” and “Wasurete Shimatta Natsu no Owari ni”... but! Guess what: Jin-san said, “I wanna play them after all” and additionally performed the first part of “Imaginary Reload” and all of “Remind Blue”!! Jin-san’s hopping as he played was cute.

The general course of events was that a teaser movie soon played, then the host came on-stage and called Jin-san over, Jin-san showed up slurping a Shissou Word drink, choked while drinking it, and then performed Shissou Word. After that, it was announced that there would be a lottery and some of the prizes were Jin-san’s personal belongings.

The first corner was “Jin-san Talks About Kagerou Project”. It was a talk about why he started making KagePro. With the trigger being that the band he had in high school broke up, he decided to make stuff on his own, and he started creating a story first from the fact that “There are many depictions of ‘eyes that do ￮￮’, huh!” or something of the sort.

“Locking eyes” ➡ “Medusa” ➡ “This is it!!” ➡ “A Medusa who doesn’t want to lock eyes with anyone won’t come out of her house!” - with this trend, it seems the first thing he planned out was Kuusou Forest.

Apparently, the stories of the novel and manga progressed with him deciding their ending first, and he indeed wants to write the next novel. If he ends up unable to publish it, he’ll write it like, “whatever” and turn it into a book anyway, and he talked about writing something like “Kagerou Quest”, lol.

After he finished performing Additional Memory, he stated that he “couldn’t mention it on Twitter”, but he had wanted to say that “Ayano isn’t just a gentle girl”. From then on, we had a questions-and-answers corner.

Q.: What was the moment in which you thought, “I’ve become an adult”? A.: That’s a theme I want to write about in the next novel. I thought, “I’ve turned into an adult, huh” when I was making Lost Day Hour and suddenly felt like calling my friends. Also, when I started paying taxes.

From someone who’s been an Asahiner for 7 years: I want to know the reason why you made My Funny Weekend. A.: I’d wanted to use Hiyori, but I couldn’t until now. Hiyori is strong, so if I’d used her before, she would make everyone else’s worries dim. It feels like Hiyori made me write the parts that go, “being greedier is just fine”. I’m not the one who came up with them.

From a person who used to stan Shintarou and started stanning Ayano after Additional Memory: Please tell us the reason why you gave Ayano that moment in AddiMemo. A.: It’s the one song in MekaRelo in which someone is dying alone. Sorry for going, “I’m sorry” right after singing, “It’ll surely be an even better day!”. This is actually a story that I wished I had included in the manga.

Q.: I would like to know about the Mekakushi-dan of the early stages. A.: There are parts of the way the loops work that I haven’t written yet. There’s a possibility that, epending on the loop, the characters of the first Mekakushi-dan might show up (like the female Konoha).

Q.: I would like to know about the Mekakushi-dan of the early stages. A.: There are parts of the way the loops work that I haven’t written yet. There’s a possibility that, epending on the loop, the characters of the first Mekakushi-dan might show up (like the female Konoha).

Q.: Will you write the story of the characters turning into adults? A.: I’ve already thought out what kind of jobs each will have and who will be married to who. There are many stories in the minds of everyone, but I want to write something like, “This kind of future also exists”. For example, Kido taking over the orphanage and Hibiya becoming an archeologist to investigate the Medusa abroad. But whenever I try to make so and so get married, another side of me cuts it off like, “Wait a minute... the one who will marry Shintarou is Haruka, right?”, so whoever wins this unique armed struggle tournament inside my brain will be the one to write.

~About MekaRelo~

He had wanted to make songs regarding what he couldn’t write in the novel.

Imaginary Reload: it’s about the girl who had been waiting to be rescued in Kuusou Forest going off to fight on her own will, and doesn’t just wait to be saved. It’s 274 BPM, so it’s the fastest song?

Shissou Word: it’s based on the fear that Jin-san experienced when he was a child from continuously being asked, “Why can’t you do such a normal thing?” and from wondering, “What is ‘normal’ even?”

My Funny Weekend: it’s the song that feels the most final episode-like to him.

Additional Memory: a song that he thought he “had to write”. It’s the saddest one.

Lost Day Hour: the song that had him thinking, “I have to make this” back when he was writing volume 6.

Remind Blue: a song that made him think, “This is the last summer song”. It’s a song packed with the things he didn’t manage to write about in SumReco. It has the image of Shintarou, but there are parts about Haruka, about Seto and about Kano, so it’s kind of a song with no definite protagonist. Makes one think about not forgetting summer.

Wasurete Shimatta Natsu no Owari ni: since the fireworks festival that he once watched in his hometown is his image of the end of summer, so he had wanted to make a story that ended with people watching fireworks, but he was indecisive, because “the last battle happens in the basement of a school, what do I do~” (said originally with a northern accent). He didn’t want to let summer end, but if it didn’t end, it would be weird and unpleasant.

After this talk, Jin-san was about to play My Funny Weekend, but realized that the Shissou Word drink he was having had disappeared without him noticing and was like, “Where’s my Never-Lost Word!?”. He drank water instead, sulking.

“I might make a mistake, sorry!” ➡ *makes a mistake during the hook* ➡ “There were no mistakes, right!?”

Then, we had the big lottery. Sadly, although I had a number in hands, I wasn’t able to get Medusa, the amplifier that Jin-san used when making Imaginary Reload. Sad.

And so, we had the last song, Wasurete Shimatta Natsu no Owari ni. Jin-san played while saying, “I wanna do collaboration drinks again~”

Everyone frantically lined up to pay their checks and buy goods, but then Jin-san suddenly came back, said, “I wanna do this after all!” and played Imaginary Reload and Remind Blue while drenched in sweat. “Why is it that I’m sweating so much even though I’m playing while seated?”

And then it really was the end... however, people quickly queued to get autographs as if racing to board the last train. While stiffly shuddering, I also got autographs on my CDs and MekaTalk, then handed a letter to him.

I was happy to get a “Ah! It’s a folded paper crane!” reaction from him, but I was nervous for real, so I turned into the typical figure of a useless otaku. When he was signing, I told him, “I won’t be able to go to tomorrow’s autograph session, so I’m happy to be getting it now.” and he replied, “I’ll hold lots of other events after this one! So when the time comes, please! Do attend them!!”

I’ll go.

@Hiroyannn168

I arrived at the venue a bit too early, and when I was waiting for the opening, the staff people and Jin-san passed by me like it was nothing...! He was giving off a civilian-like aura. He boarded the elevator crammed with staff members as if having fun, and when the door was closing, he waved a little at us.

During Jin-san’s play-and-talk live, there was a questions corner and Jin-san discussed about the compositions. He had always wanted to try creating collaboration drinks based off the songs, so it seems he talked it over with the personnel like, “Shissou Word is this kind of song” and, “This color will do~” and, “Could you make this thing float? Is it impossible?” in order to have them made. The band BACKHORN, which Jin-san likes, had been doing these kinds of collaboration drinks, so he had wanted to try his hand at it no matter what.

There were also two types of pancakes that had the image of song compositions, RED and BLUE, and just when Jin-san thought of eating them too, he was told by someone from the staff, “There are only five left” and went, “Incredible” www... They were mad popular, so there was a lot of people eating them.

When Jin-san entered the stage, he brought with him a Shissou Word-themed glass and was drinking it like, “Yummy”.

He’d said on Twitter that he wanted to do something like explaining about the compositions of the songs, so he tweeted about it just a little, but he hadn’t been able to tweet at all after that, apparently because he had been practicing for the live and doing all sorts of things in the meantime. It seems that, since Jin-san was late to tweet about it, he decided to do it properly if he had the chance to tweet later. Is what he said. That he wanted to “explain a little about the song compositions tonight~”.

First track was Shissou Word. At the applause that rose naturally from the audience, Jin-san bashfully said, “thank you” in-between the lyrics. The motif behind Shissou Word was Jin-san’s experience with being asked, “Why can’t you do normal things?” Even though normal things are easy to do for other people, they’re difficult for him... that’s what the song says.

He looked happy when he asked a girl sitting at the far right of the first row, “What are you drinking?” It seems that this person was having the Additional Memory drink (it was red).

Second track was Additional Memory. The song goes like, “Ayano has a so-called gentle girl image, but she also bears these kinds of feelings”. I sensed that listening to the hook with Jin-san’s live voice made it resonate even more sharply in my heart. A shout of her emotions... is what it felt like, I guess?

Jin-san also said something along the lines of, “It’s great being able to expand my range of expression by not just using VOCALOIDs but singing with my own voice too~”.

It seems Jin-san spent a period in truancy during his childhood, and what gave him energy back then was music and books. At any rate, by the looks of it, that had been a truancy amongst truancies.

He’d wanted to form a band in high school, but the bassist quit, so he quickly became spineless about it. It appears that when he was like, “What do I do?”, a senpai of his recommended VOCALOID to him. He came to admire songs with high levels of story settings, similar to the ones from Kinniku Shoujo Tai, and started wanting to create something like an album that would turn into a story – that was the beginning of KagePro.

He said, “It’s interesting that there are lots of phrases about things you can do with your eyes.” Like, “Averting one’s eyes is Hikikomori-ish, concealing one’s eyes means that kind of stuff.” (“That kind of stuff”, you say!? This is just the kind of specific term I wanted~)

It seems that the plot of back then is still in his computer. “The Medusa is a shut-in”, and things like that.

Jin-san is still burdened with the curse from when he was 19 years old www

He also talked about how his computer fell from the second floor when he was moving www and about he wound up naming it Frederica www

Q&A corner. It was a corner where he received questions from people that he’d randomly point at after they raised their hands. The contents of all questions were amazing...

Someone who’d been an Asahiner for over 7 years said something along the lines of being really happy that there was a song about Hiyori-chan, and Jin-san commented that Hiyori-chan is a character with an extremely firm notion of self, so he had wanted to release it sooner but it seems he hadn’t been able to. That’s because, back when the Mekakushi-dan members were still fretting and saying stuff like “oh, my dirty”, if Hiyori-chan had been there with her “Move forward! There’s no mistake that tomorrow will be a much more wonderful day~”, she would cut them off with a single stroke.

It seems she’ll have a lot of screen time from now on. And it looks like rather than Jin-san writing the part of the lyrics that goes “being greedy is just fine”, it felt more like Hiyori-chan was “making him write it”. Hiyori-chan is awesome.

Someone asked Jin-san, “At what time do you think you became an adult?” and he answered that, in the past, he would think of himself as an Onii-chan when looking at children, but now he thinks he’s an Oji-san. That he was paying taxes, laying out a path and keeping it clean www. He said he “ended up becoming an adult when creating Lost Day Hour”; he could see his friends everyday when he was a child, but it seems there’s no such thing after growing up, and he’d find himself thinking, “I wanna give my friends a call”.

Imaginary Reload is 274BPM, and apparently that’s the most in all songs he’s made so far. Incredible. By the way, the maximum for BPM is 300.

It seems Jin-san also likes Remind Blue. Even though he had said, “I’ll make this one and then I won’t write songs about summer anymore!”, he made Wasurete Shimatta Natsu no Owari ni right after that www. His 28th summer song...

Questioner: Even though I’d never budged from Shintarou until now, I ended up coming to like Ayano-chan the most after listening to Additional Memory. Jin-san: It seems a derby happened there. Is this a horse race or what www

Additional Memory is a bit of an unique song even for MekaRelo. He said, “I’m sorry... for bringing about a song that falls down with a hard thud immediately after saying that ‘tomorrow will be an even more wonderful day~’ with My Funny Weekend.” Like, “She dies all by herself...” He also said that what he was going to discuss from that point on were spoilers.

Shintarou’s snake is... The snakes exchange the abilities for lives... Then, lives are their,,,...???

He was like, “Please don’t spread this on Twitter and the like~”.

Remind Blue. This song was supposed to be Shintarou-san’s, but the figures of everyone overlapped in it, and it feels like each of them is being nostalgic in their own spot. The lyrics go, “together with the me of yesterday”, so Kano-kun and Seto-kun were also in it... is what Jin-san said. The way of talking is masculine. So it felt like it turned into everyone’s Remind Blue. Jin-san did say that, to him, friends are people who think the same.

Jin-san had Saiyuki-san draw the manga extra from MekaRelo A, and it seems it went like this: “Is it all right this way?” “It is.” “Is Kido-san okay like that?” “She’s exactly like that.” “The Kido-san that Saiyuki-san draws is really cool!” Jin-san said with great admiration.

Speaking of which, it seems that there’s already a conception of the Mekakushi-dan as adults in Jin-san’s mind and he’s decided things such as, “This person will be like that” and “Their occupation will be this”.

Kido-san will run an orphanage; taking over the will of that orphanage is very much like her. Hibiya-kun will be an archeologist. There are legends about Medusa all over the world, so he’ll be researching that.

He talked about how an adult Kido-san appeared in the MV of Shissou Word after he commissioned it to Sidu-san... something like that. It looks like he’s thinking along the lines of... “this person and this person will get married” as well. But Jin-san also said, “Shintarou’s wife will be Haruka-san (laughs)”. Apparently, these Jin-san’s are on a peerless inner fight inside him, and the Jin-san who wins will have his scenario come to life.

Haruka-san is KagePro’s main heroine www

Jin-san asked the audience, “Do you want to see the children of the Mekakushi-dan?” (I do.) “I wanna write novels,” he said. He was like, “I wanna introduce new characters!”

A parallel universe (one of those that are trendy nowadays?) called “Kagerou Quest” might happen www

Alternatively, it might be set in outer space, and it’ll be like a Martian version of the Mekakushi-dan fighting? Something along those lines? (Martian Mekaushi-dan!?!?)

There was a break of about 10 minutes. In that meantime, we lined up for the sale of goods, ate pancakes, etc...

The latter half of the live started.

My Funny Weeked. Jin-san seems to think that this one is the most last episode-like song. He said something like, “It’s my first time playing it live, so if I make any mistakes, pretend you didn’t notice~” and began playing. There was clapping from the audience seats as if to cheer on him, and he stopped playing right before the hook for an instant, but soon resumed it. After he finished singing, he asked, “See, there were no mistakes, right~?” (lol)

During the play-and-talk part, Jin-san drank water because he was out of options, since he had left the Shissou Word drink that he was having at the beginning somewhere, but he heard someone say from the seats, “The Never-Lost Word has been lost” and replied with, “You say some clever things www”.

Jin-san mentioned that he “was bad at conversing”, but I enjoyed his talk.

Big lotery. I ordered food and drinks and received an application coupon with the second item. The prizes were a set of guitar picks, a set of can badges, a volume of Mekakucity Talkers, a poster of MekaRelo (with Jin-san’s signature), a set of ticket holders and cards that came with the novels as appendix, which Jin-san claimed to have turned his house upside-down in order to bring over, and Jin-san’s own CDs (of Mekakucity~) and guitar effector (he apparently recorded Imaginary Reload with it, and its name is Medusa too). To the people who were sorted, congratulations~!

It seems Jin-san has only told about a part of KagePro until now, and he hasn’t yet talked about the extent of the loops.

When he was a child, he used to think, “I don’t want the new semester to start. It’d be good if summer didn’t end.” but an endless summer is somewhat disturbing, just like the two people living together in the last volume... of the novel.

Wasurete Shimatta Natsu no Owari ni. It seems the last chapter of KagePro closed with fireworks. That’s because, in the past, when Jin-san lived in Hokkaidou, there was a huge fireworks festival, and he thought back then, “Summer is over, huh”. He was like, “But how will I bring up fireworks when the story led up to the school’s underground, a place that has nothing to do with it!?” (lol)

ENCORE!!!

From a wing of the stage, Jin-san got his face out and peeked through (?) from within the curtains with a glance. He’s kinda cute despite being an adult man...

It seems he was being considerate towards us and saying, “It’s late into the night and there are people here who have to go home...” He then played Imaginary Reload (but just the short version of it). And in the end, he was like, “I do want to do it after all!” He sang Remind Blue.

He bid his goodbyes with waving hands~!

Jin-san, you’ve granted me really fun and good memories tonight. You’re indeed by yourself when you’re making music and writing novels... you’ve also gone through hard times. Tonight was super enjoyable, and even though it was a play-and-talk live, you up and said that you were sweating bullets www

“Please let me perform live again,” he said to us.

It was a tremendously fun night. Good job, and thank you very much.

[old-read-all-about-kpop]

Anonymous: oh my gosh i honestly just love your writings!! and i really just want to request one, can i?? can i request for a leedo fic where leedo is y/n sworn enemy from middle school up until they went to highschool. they started their hate relationship when leedo came to y/n school and took everything from her (honors, awards and even friends) and y/n wasnt having any of it. I want it to be like enemy-lovers so its fluff!! Thank you very much!! <3333

A/N: You threw a lot at me sweetheart 👀😂 But that’s okay! I’ve stated my reasons multiple times for why I am so late in finishing requests so I won’t repeat them. I’ve made an announcement regarding such so if you wanna find it you can here. Anyway, I am deeply sorry for the wait and I hope you enjoy reading this 💓💓💓💓

Disclaimer: f/n = friend’s name

A chorus of girly giggles erupted in the cafeteria. You rolled your eyes, scowling with disgust. You stabbed the innocent salad angrily.

“Leedo, you’re sooo smart,” one girl said in a sickeningly sweet voice. You didn’t have to look to know that she was twirling a strand of her hair around her finger.

“Thank you for tutoring me last night, Leedo. You taught me...” she trailed off, sounding airy as she seemed to reminisce about something. “Quite a lot.”

Despite yourself, you glanced over your shoulder just in time to see Soobin, the Queen B (not the bee but the female dog “B”) of the school in her airhead mind and the community bike for every boy in the senior class, play with Leedo’s earring before playfully nipping it. You felt bile rise up in your throat, burning your esophagus.

Soobin, with her bimbo group of friends following after her like good little minions, walked off, making sure to give a show of her small hiney in her even smaller skirt as she swayed her hips roughly. And people say she could be a model. I rolled my eyes at the sickening thought of people throwing such praises at her, hoping to always stay in her good graces. Pathetic.

You glanced over at Leedo, making immediate eye contact. You stiffened, knowing you’ve been caught eying the incident. Leedo simply smirked before going back to whatever he was doing at his table. The sight made your face heat up without your consent.

You scowled as you faced your one and true friend, f/n. Through the years, your number of friends had dropped significantly. Specifically since middle school, when he came along.

You have known Leedo since seventh grade. He moved to America during the time you were in sixth grade, and, once he and his family were settled into their new home, he was provided a tutor and online studying so he could ease his way into American customs and the English language without being overwhelmed by American faces in an American school where he would know nothing. Oh, how you wished he stayed at home for schooling.

The minute he enrolled at your school, people flocked to him like seagulls to bread. It was frightening at one point when everyone in your grade knew his name without having to speak to him once. And that happened in a matter of two days!

Your friend count dropped in half in a matter of a week. Then, from there, it slowly declined. Some friends tried to balance between being your friend and Leedo’s friend, but, eventually, they chose him because he seemed “more fun”. They barely engaged with the guy and they deemed him more fun than you?

You didn’t want to seem fazed by the change in your social life, but you were. Greatly so as Leedo was invited to way more parties than you in a duration of two weeks that he came to your school. It was ludicrous!

Then, from your friends being stolen from you, so was your title of being number one in your honors classes. Leedo took your position in a blink of an eye like a magic trick. He soon had your role as president of your class and soon taken all of your honor awards after every term of the year.

And it just continued from there. Henceforth, Leedo was your strongest competitor. But, yet, you always came as a far second. It honestly tore down your self-esteem. Was it all in your head that you were highly intelligent? How was it that this guy managed to take everything from you in a snap of a finger?

School had finally ended, but your role as an honor student was not. With your textbooks in tow, you headed to the library, hoping to retain as much information on the bodily systems as you can before your test in biology tomorrow. You wished that f/n would have accompanied you to study but, sadly, she had debate practice.

Once you entered the library, you saw that an entire table had been taken over. As you squinted at the questionable crowd, you saw a certain blue-haired boy who was the center of attention. Of course he would be here.

You rolled your eyes to the back of your head, hoping to God that these nauseating girls will keep their mouths shut (preferably) or keep their voices down. That’s all you wished for. But, of course, wishes don’t always get granted.

After about five minutes had passed - you were indulged in the chapter discussing the immune system and it’s B cells - when enormous laughter erupted from the group. The most annoying thing was hearing Soobin’s obnoxious laugh. It was literally the text form of laughter: “Ha ha ha.”

You grumbled under your breath once they settled down to quiet giggles and snickers. You resumed in reading and taking notes in different colored pens, embracing the silence. But, it was quickly shattered when the girls started screaming, letting out even louder laughter.

You slammed your pen down, reaching your highest level of irritation. You looked toward the person who was in charge of the library for the next two hours, the person always changing with the given shifts. You groaned internally as you saw it was Soobin’s little sister. Of course she would pretend to be oblivious to their ignorant behavior.

You looked around to see if there was anyone else who was being greatly disturbed. But, to your dismay, you were the only one who was in the library along with these loud knuckleheads. Just your luck.

Their laughter rose up to annoying levels of volume, causing you to refocus your eyes on them. You glared viciously at them. A scowl slithered across your face. You weren’t about to make your life easier with what you were about to do.

“Hey!” you called over their loud chatter and giggles. “Could you guys chill out with all that screaming and stuff? I’m trying to study.”

The laughter died down faster than the last curtain call of a performance. All their eyes screamed annoyance and disdain. You could live with that as you met their nasty looks with your own.

“How about you go somewhere else?” Soobin inquired with a snarl.

“Why don’t you? This is a library. Do you know what that is? It’s a place where students or the general public can visit and be surrounded by beautiful silence so they can read or study.” You spoke to her as if she was a child that needed a teaching. But, by the way she has acted since you met her in middle school, you weren’t wrong to do so.

Soobin sneered at you, showing complete disgust toward your existence. You, on the other hand, held your ground as you crossed your arms.

She then stood up from her seat next to Leedo. She grabbed her drink and took a step toward you, her eyes hard with poorly placed ambition.

However, the next thing to happen took you and everyone else in the library by complete shock.

The girls let out dramatic gasps as they looked on. My eyes widened. Soobin slowly looked over her shoulder, setting her eyes on the one and only Leedo. “What do you think you’re doing?” she asked slowly.

Leedo held her stare. His hand was tightly wrapped around her skinny wrist, which was attached to the hand that gripped her iced coffee. “Stop what you are about to do now. It’s childish and unnecessary. Y/n was in the right to tell you all to quiet down.”

Soobin turned her whole body to face him fully. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me, Soobin,” Leedo deadpanned. “For the past forty-five minutes, you all have been nothing but loud and obnoxious and utterly annoying. I wanted to study alone but no, you just had to come bother me and flirt with me. You just couldn’t help yourself!”

Soobin scoffed. She yanked her wrist out of Leedo’s grip, glaring harshly at him. “You think I need to flirt with you? Because I don’t! I’d rather kiss a horse’s behind than continue to flirt with you.” She flipped her hair. “I just did it because I needed help with my homework.”

“And every other trick you know in your sex book.”

Soobin gasped, horrified from being exposed. Without another word spoken, Soobin snapped her fingers and sashayed away. Her minions followered close behind, shooting Leedo a few glances as they walked past.

The door automatically slammed shut, drowning the library with thick silence. You nibbled on your lip, feeling slightly awkward. Even though you doubted there was anything romantically going on between Soobin and Leedo, you felt as if you just eavesdropped on an intimate moment. Leedo, however, had no expression on his face. He simply rubbed his neck like he had a crick in it that he couldn’t get out.

He sighed then, relieving them of the heavy silence. “Well, although what we had was fun little flings, I didn’t feel the least bit attracted to her.”

You quirked your eyebrow at him. Although you knew you shouldn’t say anything, you did so anyway. You chalked it up as you responding to what he just said. It may not have been to you specifically, but it was still said around you.

“That doesn’t make sense. If you aren’t attracted to her in the slightest, then why sleep with her?”

Leedo shot you a “are you that dense?” look. “Because she was offering it like it was free mints.”

You snickered at his statement, utterly bewildered. “Oh my god. You may be highly intelligent but you are still a horn dog.”

“I’m highly intelligent?” Leedo inquired, quirking an eyebrow with a cocky smirk. “Really?”

You shrugged, not wanting to repeat what you said. “Interpret however you want if it makes you feel good.” You drifted your eyes away from Leedo’s and looked at something else.

You heard him chuckle. The deep sound almost made you swoon. But you composed yourself.

“To be honest,” Leedo said, sighing softly. “If anyone is the highly intelligent one, it’s you y/n.”

You looked at the man with wide eyes. You convinced yourself that you heard wrong. “W-what?”

Leedo’s gaze was gentle but serious. He grabbed the seat across from me and sat down. He cleared his throat before raking his fingers through his hair. He then laced his fingers together in front of him and licked his lips. His eyes slowly met mine, drowning me.

“Y/n, the minute I came to your middle school, I heard many things about you before I even got to see you. ‘Oh, you’re really smart. You’ll surely be y/n’s enemy in academics. She’s the smartest student in this school.’ ‘Oh, yeah, y/n is a genius! She puts Einstein to shame.’”

Your face reddened. You never knew how highly you were praised in your early school years.” You played with your thumbs, chewing on the inside of your cheek.

“But, you know what I realized? It honestly breaks my heart as I think about it.”

You kept your eyes down. “What?”

“That I unintentionally ruined your self-confidence. The moment I started winning those spelling bees, getting those honor awards, the brightness in your eyes disappeared quicker than a candle being blown out. It made me feel horrible. I never meant to put you through that. And for that, I am deeply sor-”

“Don’t,” I said sternly. “Don’t you dare apologize for the accomplishments you earned. You deserve those awards. I was simply being a sore loser. I need to come to terms with the fact that there will be people smarter than me instead of moping about it.”

And you were speaking the truth. You have finally grasped the fact that there are people who have more brains than you. You simply needed to hear Leedo pour out his feelings and almost apologize for you to snap out of it.

A comfortable silence filled the space between you two. But, soon enough, Leedo broke it. “How about we both decide that we’re both highly intelligent and then study together.” He smiled softly.

You giggled. Your heart became delighted by his offer. “Let’s do it.”

Leedo beamed, happy that you accepted. He scrambled to move his books and writing materials to your table. “So how far are you in the topic for biology?”

“I’m on the immune system.”

“I already have notes for that system. Do you want to copy my notes?”

And that’s how you two bonded, forming a wonderful friendship. The two geniuses finally coming to a truce.

A/N: I’ve finally completed it! 🎉🎉 I genuinely hope you liked reading it my dear! Sorry for the wait 💓💓