#honestly the whole situation is like... super weird

[the-apocalypse-is-cancelled]

Was invited out tomorrow and can't tell if it was a pity invite or if they actually want me there. Deciding if I'd feel worse going or not...

[oblivioussloth]

Hnnng….going through it in such a specific and weird way so now I’m physically fighting off the side of me that wants to make an Impulse Purchase

[ham1lton]

AFTER LAST NIGHT (I THINK I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU).

episode two of ham1lton’s kinktober fest.

— pairings: george russell x reader.

— summary: your vampire roommate is perfect in every way. he's clean, respectful, pays his portion of rent on time, and.... has a crush on you?

— cw: bath sex/handjob, mention of licking tears, biting!!! this is a vamp sex fic. this is acc very tame lmao.

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AITA for thinking my vampire roommate has a crush on me because he’s acting weird?

posted by user728338

so this sounds ridiculous, which is why i posted this on my throwaway acc, but please bear with me. i (23F) have a roommate (26M) who’s… well, a vampire. yes, a literal vampire. before you ask, it’s really not as dramatic as it sounds. he’s actually perfect in pretty much every way—he’s super clean, respectful, quiet, never has people over, pays his rent on time, and never leaves a mess. honestly, having a vampire as a roommate has been way easier than i thought it would be.

but lately, he’s been acting kinda… weird. at first, i thought maybe it was just vampire stuff? like maybe he’s going through some undead mood swings or whatever. but now, i’m starting to think it’s something else. he’s started being extra nice to me, like… too nice. offering to do things for me, complimenting me more than usual, staring at me for just a little longer than what’s socially acceptable.

he also gets super awkward whenever i bring up my dating life. like, i casually mentioned going on a date, and he kinda froze up and changed the subject immediately. it’s really unlike him. i feel like he’s avoiding me sometimes, too. he’ll leave the room quickly if i get too close, and he’s gotten all stiff when we’re watching a movie together like he doesn’t know what to do with his hands.

i don’t know—am i being paranoid, or does it sound like he might have a crush on me? i feel like this whole ‘vampire crush on a human’ thing is just… cliché (like okayyyy tvd), but he’s been so different lately. i want to bring it up, but i also really don’t want to make things awkward if i’m wrong. he’s been a great roommate, and i don’t want to mess that up.

AITA for thinking my vampire roommate might have feelings for me?

view all comments.

randolando: dude don’t worry about it. vampires get weird about crushes. i used to know this hot vamp chick and i totally knew she had a crush on me when she brought me back to her cave and tried to stop my heart. weird but romantic. knowing him, he’s just trying to figure out a way to ask you out without making it awkward. we know how crushes are a pain in the neck. you get it? 🤣

chachaslide: this is sweet. i love seeing true love. i hope you like him back but no pressure. it sounds like he really likes you and isn’t sure how to handle it. if you like him too just be gentle and maybe talk to him about the situation? he could just be scared to ruin what you both have. if you don’t like him, that’s fine! just reassure him that you’re cool being roommates. communication is key!! hope it goes well.

maxattack: KILL HIM NOW. i don't care how 'nice' or ‘perfect' he seemingly is. he’s a vampire, and you're a walking snack. don’t let the politeness fool you. the second you let your guard down, you're done. get out now, stake through the heart, burn the body, and never look back. you don't want to be his next midnight snack. i know from experience.

alexxxxx123: omg. i think i know who you’re talking about. tall, pale, british and his name begins with g? if it’s him, it’s totally harmless.

— user728338: pm me.

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after a long day at work, you step into the london flat quietly, the soft click of the door barely making a sound. as you take off your shoes, you hear george’s voice coming from the living room. it’s low, but unmistakable—calm, precise, and, of course, very posh. curiosity gets the better of you, and you hover just outside the door, listening.

“yes, alex, i know. it’s rather… frustrating, to say the least,” george says, his tone clipped but controlled. “i mean, she’s right here, every day, and yet i can’t seem to gather the courage to—well, you know… express myself.”

there’s a pause, and you feel your heart skip a beat. he’s talking about you. you press yourself closer to the wall, careful not to make a sound, your pulse racing as you listen in.

“oh, of course, i’ve thought about it,” george continues, his voice lowering slightly, almost conspiratorial. “but what if she doesn’t feel the same? what if i ruin everything? she’s… well, she’s stunning, isn’t she? and don’t get me started on how she looks when she—”

he stops himself, clears his throat, and you hear him shift uncomfortably. oh. you feel your cheeks heat up, realising just how close you’ve come to hearing something you probably shouldn’t.

“no, no, it’s nothing improper,” george quickly adds, as if reassuring alex on the other end of the line—and maybe himself too. “you know i’m not that sort of man. it’s just that… i find myself distracted. the way she smiles, the way she moves about the flat, even the smallest things. it’s maddening. i can’t keep my thoughts straight, let alone have a proper conversation with her. it’s utterly ridiculous.”

you bite your lip, your mind racing. george, the prim and proper vampire, with his immaculate manners and his pristine way of speaking… has a crush on you? it almost seems too surreal and you come to the sudden realisation that you were right.

“yes, well,” george continues, a hint of exasperation in his voice, “i don’t think it’s quite appropriate to be so forward with her. she’s human, alex. it’s not as simple as just… declaring one’s affections and hoping for the best. besides, there’s… certain temptations that come with my, shall we say, condition.”

another pause, and you can almost hear the shock in george’s voice as he says, “no, not that sort of temptation. for heaven’s sake, alex, you’re incorrigible.”

you stifle a giggle, feeling a strange mixture of amusement and flattery. george’s usually calm, composed demeanour was cracking, all because of you. and yet, even as he’s talking about his attraction, he’s still so… proper.

“it’s just… difficult, alex,” george continues, his voice softening, as if he’s letting his guard down. “i’ve never been one to get flustered, you know that. but with her, it’s different. every time i try to be casual, i end up stumbling over my words like a schoolboy. i haven’t been one of those since my eton days in 1678.”

he sighs, and you hear the creak of the chair as he shifts. “i’ve considered telling her, of course, but what if she doesn’t feel the same? or worse, what if i… lose control? it’s not like i can just—”

just then, george turns his head, catching sight of you in the reflection of the mirror by the door. his eyes widen, and he freezes, his face going pale as a statue. which means, he’s even paler than usual.

“alex, i have to go,” he says quickly, cutting the call without another word.

you stand there, awkwardly rooted to the spot, trying to process what just happened. george stares at you for a long, agonising second, his usually calm, collected features twisted in a mix of embarrassment and something close to panic. he opens his mouth to say something, then promptly closes it again. without another word, he vanishes from the room, moving so fast that you barely catch the sound of the door shutting behind him.

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the flat feels strangely empty after that. days pass, and george doesn’t return. there’s no note, no message, nothing to explain his absence, and a strange loneliness settles over the place. as much as you tried to shake off the awkwardness of overhearing him, you couldn’t stop thinking about his voice, his words, and how he’d sounded so flustered and so human in that moment.

then, one evening, after a long day, you decide to run yourself a bath. the water is warm, the bubbles thick, and you sink into it, trying to relax, but your thoughts keep drifting back to george. you wonder where he is, if he’s okay, and if he’ll ever come back. mostly because out of genuine care but also, you could never pay the rent alone. it’s london.

just as you’re about to close your eyes, there’s a soft knock on the bathroom door. you sit up, startled.

“it’s me,” george’s voice comes through the door, quiet, hesitant. “i… well, i need to apologise.”

you blink, glancing down at yourself submerged in the bath, and then at the door. “george?” you call out, feeling a mix of surprise and curiosity. “where have you been?”

there’s a pause before he responds, his voice tight with embarrassment. “away. i… needed some time to gather my thoughts. but i can’t stay away any longer. i behaved incredibly poorly, and i’m sorry. i didn’t mean for you to overhear that conversation.”

“you’ve been avoiding me for days,” you say softly, the warmth of the bath soothing but not enough to ease the tension in the air. “it’s fine, george. really.”

“no,” he insists, his voice a little firmer now. “it’s not fine. i’ve been disrespectful, and that’s not who i am. it’s not reflective of how i want to act. i should have… handled it better.” there’s a long pause, and you can hear the discomfort in his tone when he adds, “i’ll… wait outside until you’re decent. i’d never want to intrude on your privacy.”

you bite back a smile. even now, he’s still so proper, refusing to even acknowledge that you’re in the bath.

“george, it’s okay,” you say, a little amused. “you can come in. just… don’t look.”

there’s another pause, and you hear him take a deep breath. then, slowly, the door creaks open, and george steps in, his eyes firmly fixed on the floor. he looks so shy, and he looks entirely out of place standing in the middle of your ensuite bathroom, but he keeps his gaze respectfully averted.

“i… i didn’t mean for things to get so awkward,” he begins, his voice tight with formality. “i’ve made things uncomfortable for you, and for that, i’m deeply sorry.”

you can’t help but smile at his rigid posture, the way he stands there, still too embarrassed to even glance in your direction. “george, you didn’t do anything wrong. i… actually thought it was kind of… sweet. the way you talked about me.”

his head jerks slightly, and he clears his throat, clearly flustered. “yes, well… it wasn’t my finest moment, but… i meant every word.”

you feel your heart flutter at his admission, and despite the strange situation, you can’t help but find his gentlemanly awkwardness endearing.

“thank you for apologising,” you say softly. “and for being so… proper. i appreciate it.”

he finally glances up, just for a second, his eyes still carefully avoiding looking at you directly. “i may be many things,” he says quietly, “but a gentleman is one i’ll never fail to be. i… hope we can put this behind us.”

with a soft smile, you turn your head to the side, studying george’s posture, his stiff formality, his refusal to look at you even now. “but what if i don’t want to?” you ask, your voice quiet, teasing, but with an edge of something more—something curious.

his entire body tenses at your words, as if they’ve struck him harder than he expected. he clears his throat, his gaze still fixed on the floor, though you notice his hands twitch slightly at his sides. “i… i beg your pardon?” he stammers, the usual composure in his voice faltering.

you sit up a little in the bath, the water shifting around you as you keep your eyes on him. “what if i don’t want to put it behind us?” you repeat, more gently this time, testing the waters just as he had with his confession. “what if… i’ve been thinking about it too?”

george is silent for a long moment, his breath hitching just slightly as your words sink in. finally, he raises his head, his eyes locking onto yours, though he keeps them carefully above your shoulders. there’s a flicker of something—hope, maybe, or disbelief—dancing in his eyes. he swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing slightly as he struggles to find the right words.

“you… you’ve thought about it?” he asks, his voice barely above a whisper, as though he can’t quite believe what he’s hearing.

you nod, watching his reaction closely. “george, you’ve been nothing but a gentleman, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t notice… the way you look at me. the way you talk about me.” you pause, biting your lip slightly, the playful edge in your voice softening. “and… maybe I like it.”

“i… i never intended to make you uncomfortable,” he murmurs, his voice laced with sincerity. “but if… if you’ve truly thought about this, then… i can’t deny that i have, too. for longer than i care to admit.”

he glances away, his jaw tightening as though he’s fighting some internal battle, trying to balance his feelings with his unshakable need to maintain decorum. “but you must understand,” he continues, his voice tight, “this isn’t… simple. my nature complicates things. i’ve fought to keep these feelings in check because… i don’t want to put you at risk.”

you tilt your head, your eyes softening as you look at him, seeing the tension in his posture, the restraint he holds so tightly. “george, you’ve never made me feel anything but safe,” you murmur, your voice gentle. “even now.”

he stands by the door, rigid, torn between his desire and his code of conduct. his fingers flex at his sides as though he’s holding onto some invisible line that’s slowly fraying. “but what if… what if i can’t always control myself?” he whispers, as if he’s speaking more to himself than to you. “what if i fail?”

you meet his gaze steadily. “george, you have control. we’ve been living together a long time. if you didn’t, this would’ve gone differently a long time ago.”

he blinks, clearly taken aback by your confidence in him. you shift slightly in the bath, the warm water rippling around you as you lean forward. “come here,” you say, your tone soft but firm.

“i can’t,” he breathes, shaking his head slightly, his eyes flickering with hesitation. “you don’t know what you’re asking.”

“maybe i do,” you reply, your voice unwavering. “you said you’ve thought about this—about us. so have i. and the only thing standing between us right now is your fear that you’ll hurt me. but george… you won’t.”

he clenches his jaw, his eyes filled with conflict. you can see the way he’s holding himself back, the way he’s torn between what he wants and what he thinks is right. “you don’t understand the… the temptation,” he says, his voice strained. “being close to you… it’s not just about control.”

“i trust you,” you say firmly, holding his gaze. “and i’m asking you to trust yourself.”

he takes a deep breath, his chest rising and falling as he battles with himself. finally, after what feels like an eternity, he takes a tentative step forward. then another. he’s still hesitant, but you can see the way his resolve is crumbling under the weight of his desire.

“come here,” you say again, more softly this time, reaching out a hand toward him. “george, i want you here. with me.”

he stops at the edge of the bath, his eyes dark and intense as they meet yours. “this… this isn’t appropriate,” he says, but his voice has lost its usual firmness. there’s a vulnerability there now, an uncertainty that you’ve never seen in him before.

“good news that appropriate isn’t what i’m asking for,” you say with a small smile, your fingers brushing lightly against his arm. “i’m asking for you.”

he swallows hard, his eyes flickering down to the water and back up to you, and for a moment, you think he might walk away again, retreat into that shell of formality he hides behind. but then, slowly, cautiously, he bends down, kneeling by the side of the bath. his hand hovers over yours for a moment, as if he’s still deciding whether or not to let himself go.

“just trust me,” you whisper, your eyes locking onto his, silently urging him to take that final step.

his fingers curl around yours, cool to the touch, and you feel the tension in his grip, the restraint he’s still holding onto. “you’re sure?” he murmurs, his voice low and almost reverent.

“i’ve never been more sure,” you reply, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. his skin cold under yours. “now, get in.”

he hesitates for only a moment longer before, with a deep breath, he slips off his jacket and unbuttons his shirt, still moving carefully, like he’s afraid of crossing a line he can’t uncross. lastly, he pulls his trousers down before he steps into the bath, the water lapping at his underwear, soaking them through, but he doesn’t seem to care. his gaze is fixed on you the entire time, intense and unwavering.

he sits down slowly, the warmth of the bath contrasting with his cool skin, his legs brushing against yours under the water. “i don’t want to… overstep,” he says softly, his voice low and serious, though his hand remains firmly in yours.

“you won’t.” you smile, as you crawl over to him. “if anything, i might do.”

“you could never.” he murmurs, looking into your eyes. “anything you would like to do to me would be my pleasure.”

“anything?”

“anything.”

he exhales slowly, his gaze lingering on your face as if trying to memorise every detail. "i've spent so long keeping my distance," he says quietly, his voice thick with restraint. "telling myself that this... that you... were out of reach."

you shift closer, the water rippling between you as your knees brush against his. "i'm not out of reach, george," you whisper, your fingers trailing along his arm. "i'm right here."

you crawl over to him as you kiss him. he immediately melts under your touch, his cold skin going pliant under your fingertips. you go even further, opening your mouth with his tongue and swallowing the little gasp that comes out. he grips your forearms as you take up more space in his lap, his eyes shut as you greedily touch him everywhere you can.

you can feel him harden under your touch, as you reach down to wrap a hand around him. he bucks up into your touch as he kisses you harder. you tighten your hold as he fucks up into you, the water splashing around you both as he cradles your face with his hands.

for a moment, all you can hear is the motion of the water and his quiet groans against your mouth.

as he moans in your mouth again, you smile and swipe your thumb over his head. his stomach clenches, and his thighs tense as he releases. he looks up at you with apologetic teary eyes, the teardrops spilling over. he looks a mess. his sharp canines protruding from his mouth, pushing his lips into a pout. you kiss him. the role reversal hadn’t been lost on you. you had managed to reduce your ‘predator’ into tears over a handjob. take that user maxattack!

you then smile, not unkindly, and lick up the salty trail that his teardrops had mapped on his face. you kiss his cheek.

“you okay?” he nods in response to your question. you hesitate before asking a question. “do you mind if try something? i’ve always been curious about it.”

“of course.”

you lean forward and bite over his jugular. he seemingly doesn’t react. you bite down harder, when you look at him, he just looks back at you with his eyes wide. the pressure of your teeth didn’t seem to affect him, but hey, it was something to tick off your bucket list.

“having fun?” he smiles.

“a lot.” you grin. “i’d have even more if you let me have my way with you in an actual bed.”

you’ve never seen him move so quickly as he did when getting out of the bath.

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UPDATE: AITA for thinking my vampire roommate had a crush on me?

posted by user728338

hey everyone, i wasn’t expecting the original post to get so much attention, but after reading through all your comments (some of them were wild, lol), i figured i’d give you an update!

so… turns out, you guys were right. he did have a crush on me, and i wasn’t imagining things. i ended up overhearing him on the phone with his friend (as you all predicted), and he was basically confessing his feelings for me! it was awkward at first—he got super embarrassed and disappeared for a few days. i thought that was going to be the end of it, but then he came back to apologise, all prim and proper as usual, even though i was literally in the bath when he did it.

and well… one thing led to another. we had a very honest conversation about everything, about how we’ve both been feeling, and let’s just say it escalated from there.

yes, we hooked up. and it was… intense (vampires, am i right?). i won’t go into too much detail, but it was amazing and also kind of sweet? he is still his usual gentlemanly self, but he’s also loosened up a bit around me now, which is nice. the best part? we’re officially dating now!!

it’s still early days, but things have been going really well. he is is surprisingly thoughtful, and he’s made it clear that he takes this—us—very seriously. i’m honestly really happy with him, and the whole vampire thing? not as big of a deal as i thought it would be.

so yeah, it all worked out in the end! thanks for the advice, everyone. and to those who told me to get therapy or run because he was going to eat me—he definitely didn’t. ;)

tl;dr: my vampire roommate had a crush on me, we hooked up, and now we’re dating!

view all comments

maxattack: THIS IS A TERRIBLE IDEA. IT'S NOT TOO LATE. STAKE HIM. I REPEAT— STAKE. HIM. you say he didn't eat you this time, but that's how it starts. they lure you in with sweetness, get you comfortable, and then BAM, next thing you know, you're in a coffin six feet under. i’ve seen it happen. i’ll say it one more time — STAKE. THROUGH. THE. HEART. I'M WARNING YOU!!!!!

chachaslide: this is SO CUTE! i’m so glad you two talked it out and things worked out in the best way possible. it sounds like you’ve got a great thing going! i hope everything continues to be amazing between you two. just keep up that communication, and you’ll be fine! wishing you both all the best <3

randolando: knew it!!! i told you, vampires just get weird with crushes. i’m glad it worked out for you two! also, the fact that he didn’t try to stop your heart means you’re doing better than me with that vamp chick lmao. anyway, keep having fun, but maybe steer clear of any caves. congrats!

alexxxxx123: OMG IT IS HIM! i knew it! g is a total sweetheart, and honestly, you’ve snagged a good one. i’m really happy for you both. i had a feeling he liked you when you first mentioned the awkwardness. he’s just a bit shy when it comes to feelings. don’t worry, he’ll get a lot more comfortable as you go along! congrats again! <3

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[starryjkoo]

I've seen some people bringing up hickeygate for some reason so in the spirit of AYS?! release week, I’d like to talk about why I love hickeygate.

To begin with, I feel like a lot of people don’t understand that what makes hickeygate so funny isn’t even necessarily the hickey. Or rather, there’s too much focus on only the hickey when the whole thing is just hilarious and weird.

Like, apparently Jikook get drunk (alone) together and JK lifts Jimin bridal style, spins him around, and refuses to set him down even when Jimin gets super dizzy. And apparently Jimin’s drunken method of getting JK to set him down is to “bite” him on the neck in such a way that leaves a mark that looks exactly like a hickey. That’s weird! Every part of that is weird!

And what’s also kind of funny to me is that I think they told the story because imo in their eyes it really was all very innocent “see, we weren’t doing anything weird or wrong!” almost, defensive, if you will. Because technically, they weren’t doing anything inappropriate, they were just defending themselves/explaining the totally non-weird mark Jimin left on JKs neck. It wasn’t really a “hickey”, they have nothing to hide, they were just playing around, nothing untoward happened.

But I think it’s funny because imho it at the very least implies that Jikook have some weird-ass boundaries/behaviors, that they might be so deep into their strange dynamic, so used to and desensitized to it, that they don’t even recognize when they’re being weird af. Because, regardless, this situation is still ????

Most people don’t drunkenly spin their friends around bridal style and refuse to set them down and have hickeys bit (sucked??) onto their neck in response. I mean, maybe some do, but I definitely don’t think it’s the norm (and Jin’s & TH’s responses are hilarious). And certainly most people would realize that leaving what looks like a hickey on your friends neck is going to be perceived a certain way regardless of what story you tell or how it came about, and would maybe cover it up to save themselves the embarrassment if they were bothered by the implications. But clearly that’s not what happened. They were out and proud of that thing lol (well Jimin seemed a bit sheepish about what happened lol).

Anyways the whole thing is funny and very weird and says something about their dynamic and weird physical boundaries and what they might be like when they’re drunk and alone together (which seems like something they do/did a lot). We also now know they also have in depth discussions about singing to the point they get lost in their own little world even when they're with others which is cute too.

Anyways, I know I’m not crazy to point out that their dynamic is weird and their intimacy boundaries are weird and their dynamic can read a certain way because I’ll always point to one of my other very favorite Jikook moments — Rainy Day fight — particularly the way that the other members responded. Like, continuously cringing for no reason, shivering and yelling “ew”, calling it a drama, singing a kdrama song at them, smiling and laughing, which is all honestly hilarious, and unnecessary, and validating lol. Especially because it didn’t really deter Jikook, who were just telling that story as it was, with JK seemingly pretty serious and invested in making sure Jimin got the details right.

So yeah, that is just how they come off, even to their own group that already have loose boundaries - and I just love that about Jikook. Love their weird drunken shenanigans and their dramatic as hell couple like rain fights, and how soft and silly they are in general.

Also shout-out to the retelling of the Rainy Day story where they both separately took the blame because they're mature, considerate and sweet towards each other like that. Also the fact that it was something JK felt sorry for years down the line, even though clearly there were no hard feelings about it. I feel like they probably didn’t fight that often if a fight in which they immediately made up was on his mind like that lol. Also the fact that what upset JK so deeply was Jimin’s threat of not caring about him anymore.

Anyways, I hope we get to see some drunken shenanigans in AYS. They did cut out whatever tussle occurred on that mosquito net during ITS though, so idk what they’ll actually show in the end, but I’m here for it.

[sharkorok]

knight in shining armor!

or where ZB1 helps you out against unwanted advances!

requested: nooo

cw/genre: reader inferred to be fem on various occasions, fluff, humor, uncomfortable comments, unwanted flirting, no yujin because if they’re younger than me u know that’s crazy, cursing, established relationship w/ zb1, tell me if anything else shud be tagged yay

a/n: I’m working on all the situationship requests but it’s getting a little redundant so I decided to try writing some other ideas I had :] hope it’s ok and u enjoy!

•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•

jiwoong

-tbh I don’t think he’ll be super duper confrontational unless necessary, mainly cuz he doesn’t want to put you in an uncomfortable position :((

-you two were just out setting up for a picnic and he left for a second to grab something from the car, and some random guy strolled you to you ready to spit game but honestly you were already thinking of the right time to call the police

-“heyyy are u a fire hydrant because i’d bump into you on the street and stare” was the guy’s opening line which made you audibly laugh, mainly in shock and not flattery because genuinely what the fuck

-“uhhh??”

-you were very thankful for the return of your boyfriend who just shot the guy a confused glance and was like “who r u…?”

-jiwoong was genuinely appalled that this guy thought he had a chance w u, so just calmly explained you two were dating while staring at the stranger

-would really only get pressed if he noticed the guy getting more pushy and aggressive, but once he was gone he’d mainly he focused on trying to take your mind off the situation rather than comforting u :) you guys came here for a cute picnic date and he didn’t want you stuck ruminating over someone like that

-not really jealous, just mad that you were forced in such a weird situation

-u get tons of kisses and he’ll definitely be joking about this in the car

zhanghao

-you and ur lovely boyfie hao were at a new cafe trying out the seasonal menu, both of you knew the place would be bumping so you decided to just place your orders online in advance :)

-being the wonderful person you are you went to pick up the drinks while he got you two a table, and the barista stopped you with a smile

-“hey, I think you’re really beautiful, here’s a pastry on the house!” and you just smile and thank him, but he’s gone before you can even add the fact you have a boyfriend

-free food is free food so u take it back and tell hao what happened who’s gigglin because he’s very comfortable in ur guys’ relationship and this is more silly if anything, is glad other people recognizes ur beauty too <3

-however, the barista comes back to “check up on you” and is a little crestfallen at the sight of zhanghao but brushes it off

-“hey gorgeous, just wondering if everything’s alright? can I get you anything else?”

-“awww thank you, but my girlfriend and I are alright! I think you’re pretty gorgeous as well though :)” hao responded with the most witty smirk you’ve seen in ages, as you fight the urge to snicker at the barista’s seemingly annoyed reaction

-“yes…thanks” was all the barista could mutter out before leaving, causing the two of you to burst out laughing

-expect hao to be milking the joke that the barista was hitting on him instead of you for the rest of the day lolz

hanbin

-is so calm and gentle about the whole situation but takes it very seriously that you feel safe and comfortable

-it was just a waiter throwing some off-handed remarks about how nice your hair looked, or how the dress fit you so well or how your makeup looked great, and it didn’t make hanbin insecure, more worried you would feel awkward during your two’s little date :(

-neither of you want to explicitly stay anything in case the waiter was just being very nice, so hanbin would sort of up the outward affection by holding your hand over the table, brushing your hair out of your face while you talked, smiling with extra-sweet puppy dog eyes, if anything it was just giving you butterflies

-“you alright pretty girl? we can find somewhere else if the waiter is making you uncomfortable” and you wanna scream and kiss him all over because hanbin is a walking green flag !!!

-at some point the waiter gave up but you didn’t really notice because of how your heart was doing backflips over hanbin’s displays of affection and how much he evidently cared about ur comfort throughout the whole date I’m bawling my eyes out

-on the way home he admits he did get a little insecure but he was mainly worried about you so plz give him lots and lots of kisses and promise him that you are literally madly in love w him cuz u R!!

-wants to take good care of you but is extra appreciative if you remind him that you’re very thankful for his efforts I’m sobbing now bye

matthew

-“bro what” is what matthew very loudly says when a random guy walks up to you and asks for your number

-is genuinely baffled because he thought it was pretty clear with his arm wrapped around your waist as the two of you walked down the street

-also a sense of pride that you’re so hot that someone’s willing to stop you in the middle of the street for your number, but the pride is damaged once he remembered this guy seemed to completely ignore *the* matthew?? who was evidently holding you close and wearing your initial around his neck?? like hello???

-the conversation doesn’t feel real because you say, “oh I have a boyfriend!” while gesturing towards matthew and the guy literally just brushes it off??

-“dude, I’m right here, can you get the hint? go homewreck another relationship,” matthew interrupted after an unbearable minute or two of this man trying to convince you to slide ur digits ;P

-is all grumpy while muttering about how you two need to be more LOUD about ur relationship

-probably tries to convince you to buy those “I <3 MY BOYFRIEND” shirts and even thinks about getting you two more matching clothing

-“maybe I should wife you up?? the ring should be a pretty convincing hint…”

-just doesn’t want random people to get in the way of you two :(( in the least toxic way possible :((

taerae

-audibly laughs the second he sees some random guy stumbling over his words trying to talk to you at the grocery store

-he went to go grab you two some snacks and came back to this poor boy just frantically trying his best to convince you for your number while you awkwardly nod and sheepishly smile, eyes flickering around to try and see where the hell your boyfriend is

-if he notices you’re genuinely weirded out by the guy he’ll step in, but I feel like he would let you endure the awkwardness for just a moment before arriving by your side and being like “heyyy baby”

-makes a big show of kissing your temple and wrapping his arms around your waist, giving the guy a disgusted look and a sassy, “who’s this, sweetheart?”

-you’re trying not to laugh at taerae’s snide demeanor, making you immediately feel all giggly and okay again knowing he’s right here by your side

-the guy scurries off pretty fast, which made the two of you giggle

-“I can’t even leave my girlfriend alone in a grocery store,” taerae jokingly sighed, shaking his head solemnly. “Maybe I should switch to DoorDash or something, I don’t want you getting swarmed every time I go to the chips aisle.”

-makes sure to hang closely around you, not in a jealous way or anything, but he doesn’t want random guys walking up to u and making u all uncomfortable :(

-holds your hand all the way until the two of u get home!! <3

ricky

-he can shy up but he’s mainly just worried about you, gets a little protective but feels very awkward about it, doesn’t want to seem possessive or over bearing but also just wants to take care of u and makes sure ur safe :(

-but also like wtf no one gets to mess w his girl that’s just weird

-you two were clothes shopping when you wandered off to look at a pretty jacket you saw when a random guy you’re very sure you never met casually greeted you like you were an old friend, making weird remarks about how pretty you were and not so subtly asking questions that insinuated if you were single or not

-ricky comes back to see if ur doing alright and finds u very uncomfortably scooting away from this random guy, and he immediately comes to ur rescue!

-“hey baby, who’s this?”

-now we all know ricky is a sweetheart but he can also come off as very intimidating 😰😰 , so he’s sorta just straightening out his posture and staring at the guy in disgust

-once the guy leaves because…yknow ricky is seemingly a force to be reckoned with ricky gets all shy and awkward

-“was that corny? should I have even stepped in? r u okay…?” and he’s just shyly hiding ur face in his shoulder and getting all embarrassed and flustered, and u reassure him u appreciate his efforts very very much <3

gyuvin

-gyuvin can be very protective over you sometimes so the idea of you being forced into an uncomfortable situation by some random guy made him very upset

-honestly he was kinda more upset than you, and not in an insecure way but just in the way he was upset *for* you

-guys imma be fr I’m out of ideas for a random dude being creepy so let’s just cut to gyuvin confronting this dude

-he’s not really confrontational or aggressive, but just makes it very clear to leave his little baby y/n alone </3, afterwards he definitely lightens the mood to the best of his ability

-he’s more worried the entire time about your safety over his, even if the guy making advances towards you is getting agitated gyu is entirely concerned about ur well-being :(( my angel

-“baby don’t worry…ur alpha is here for u 😚😜🐺…” “gyuvin shut the FUCK up”

-obviously if ur feeling seriously upset he makes sure everything’s ok, asks if you need anything, gets you some snacks and gives u a big hug

-is unnecessarily clingy the rest of the way home tho <3 might even bark at any guy who looks at you funny depends on how shameless he’s feeling

gunwook

-he isn’t too hasty to jump in just in case he’s overestimating the entire situation, because poor guy doesn’t wanna come off as overbearing and freak you out by randomly swooping in for no apparent reason </3

-does his absolute best to be assertive but also not overly aggressive in order to avoid causing a scene and put both of you in an even worse situation

-once he’s sure there’s no more need for intimidating wook he’s all over u!!

-“are you ok? do you want me to tell authorities about that? can’t fight but I will if necessary trust”

-if u reassure him that he did good and you’re alright, he’ll be very very pleased w himself

-gives you a kiss every time you take a step and has his arms wrapped around your shoulders, he wants everyone to know that ur his and he’s yours and no way will he let any random guy ruin ur little outing!!

-does your best to make you feel safe the rest of the entire day

-has the biggest smile on his face if you tell him he did a good job, it’s not in a weird way where he’s putting himself above you but sorta in the way he feels like a proud dog for being able to take care of you?? if that makes sense?? at all??

-gives you a big hug when u gets home and does everything to make sure that rando didn’t ruin ur twos’ day :,)

[menlove]

wait enlighten me on the i’m so tired being about paul grind i don’t know if i see it

ofc! it's just interpretation obviously but it's one of those that makes me eye it a bit. but. it's one of those that every beatles wiki will be like "it's about yoko" but he's never said that and honestly the song doesn't fit with their relationship at the time like at all. she WAS writing him a lot of telegrams and their relationship was certainly getting Weirder at the time, but I wouldn't think it would inspired sleepless, tortured nights yet

the song is very much like. a sort of rising anger/irritation with the situation and the person in the song which is very much where paul and john were at at the time. I'm not a "something happened in india" truther, but I do think things between them were going south. had been since brian died and only got worse with paul getting engaged.

this part particularly To Me reads as very paul

bc at the point john and YOKO were at if he called her and was like "hey I'm in love with you and I'm going insane and can't sleep over it" I don't even know that HE'D be scared she'd say he was joking and turn him down. like she was very much the one doing the chasing there for a while and her telegrams seem pretty damn confident about where that relationship was headed. where they were at just didn't seem like the tortured, aching, harm that he talks about in this song. it was the beginning obsession of new love which is a TOTALLY different feeling than this song gives off.

paul on the other hand. I think it would be incredibly reasonable to assume that if he told paul "yeah I haven't been able to sleep because you're driving me insane, I'm in love with you, and it's like actually genuinely hurting me" paul would go "that's a hilarious one john thanks" like 💀 way more in character for paul to brush something like that off than yoko

also as just a further lil reach lol in the esher demo there's this:

obviously john was just misspeaking and meant to say my arms but. interesting especially bc at this point him and yoko had never slept together or been intimate at all. that's USUALLY something I'd call bullshit on with affairs, but they've been pretty open about their relationship timeline. she's also. I mean. yoko isn't very charming lmao I'm not dogging on her she just isn't and she knows that, john knew that, the world knows that. she's just a very blunt person who at the time this was written was just coming off as sort of strange and mysterious to him.

so saying yknow "when I hold you (/fuck you) I wonder if I should get up and lock myself in a mental institution" would again just be a really weird and nonsensical thing to say about yoko. about the notoriously charming man who in this scenario you'd be fucking, though.......... homosexuality was BARELY legal let alone smth john had come to grips with so this whole doom spiral around this person & fucking them & what that means for you, well! very interesting, anyway

anyway that's it! I just am super unconvinced this song is about yoko. and there's really only 3 sort of romantic interest options in his life at the time it could be about and it just wouldn't fit for yoko or cynthia imo. so that leaves paul. and their quickly crumbling relationship.

[suzukiblu]

Day six of fic NaNoWriMo, obligatory sugar daddy Tim/sugar baby Kon.

"You're bluffing," the thief says flatly.

"And you're fucking stupid if you think this is the play that's getting you out of here," Kon snorts, tapping a foot against the floor. "C'mon, man, give it up. I've got plans tonight." 

"Use the artifact!" the alleged "Mark" yells at the thief holding it. 

"Right!" said thief says, then . . . pauses, and looks embarrassed. "How do I . . . do that?" 

Kon looks incredibly unimpressed. Tim empathizes. Deeply. 

"You guys need a minute there?" Kon asks, raising an eyebrow. 

"Shut up!" Mark snaps at him. "Just use it, Lisa!" 

"I thought you said no names–" 

"Use it!" 

"Uh, right!" 

The thief chucks the little clay goat at Kon. Tim is genuinely embarrassed for this entire crew. 

Kon catches the goat one-handed, which is kind of a stupid idea, but letting it smash on the floor admittedly wouldn't look great. People over property, obviously, but Kon also historically has issues with property damage and letting the bad guys smash up ancient artifacts is not the best plan in general anyway. Especially given how often said ancient artifacts have ghosts or curses or apocalypses locked inside them. 

"Lisa!" the thieves all yell in horror.

"Was this the whole plan?" Kon asks, making a show of inspecting the goat. "Like, was this it? I can come back later, if you're still cooking on that."

Tim muffles a laugh with a snort. Kon definitely caught it, though, judging by his smug smirk. 

"Shut up, wannabe!" the thief still holding a gun to Tim's head snarls, which reminds Tim he should be pretending to care about the gun currently being held to his head. Honestly, he would in Gotham, but the only way this moron is shooting anybody is by accident. 

. . . admittedly, that is a concern, given the trigger discipline issue. Hm.

"Killing me would probably count as felony murder, just so you know," Tim mentions, glancing around the thieves. "Which you could all be charged with, not just whoever actually shot me. Plus I'm pretty sure stealing objects of cultural heritage from a museum is a federal crime."

He's completely sure of all that, actually, for obvious reasons, but he has to at least pretend to be a civilian here. Like, some effort needs to go into that illusion, if for no other reason than to avoid a Bat-lecture from Bruce or, worse, a Bat-"I'm not mad, just disappointed" from Dick. 

Or, worst, Alfred might make disapproving shortbread instead of approving jammy dodgers for post-patrol tonight. That'd be really unfortunate. Tim could really use an approving jammy dodger tonight. He's already going to have to write up a very annoying incident report of this situation as it is, and also deal with the mortification of getting his neck saved by a Super. There is no dignity in that. At all. 

He is definitely never telling the team his secret identity. At least not until he's absolutely positive Kon hasn't inherited any of Superman's eidetic memory, anyway. He's ninety-nine percent sure he hasn't, but that last percent is a definite concern right now. 

"No one asked your opinion, brat!" Mark snaps, though a few of the other thieves now look extremely uneasy. Tim makes another mental note about their crew's obvious lack of prep time and general planning and continues to be embarrassed for them. Museum robberies in Gotham are themed events with careful research and preparation involved, and frankly usually involve more thoughtful effort than whatever gala they may or may not be crashing did. Smash and grab is for convenience stores and small-timers. And these guys are definitely small-timers, but this is equally definitely not a convenience store.

Metropolis is so weird. Why anyone even bothers doing petty crime in it at all is beyond Tim. Maybe they're just banking on Superman being more concerned with natural disasters and alien invasions and rescuing cats from trees, which is a valid strategy. Same theory as splitting up and making a cohesive group into multiple targets.

"He has the idol!" Lisa hisses, glaring at Kon like she's not the one who threw it at him to begin with. Tim gets a gun barrel jammed into his temple again. He has no idea why Trigger Discipline: What Not To Do thinks that's, like . . . a productive thing to do. At this rate he's going to get a bruise or something.

Well, he's not actually doing it hard enough to hurt, admittedly, though Tim does keep expecting it to. The guy looks like he's putting his back into it, but the impacts continue not to actually hurt, so Tim supposes he's just trying to put on a show here. 

Well, at least he's putting in some effort, Tim supposes. That's something. 

"I really do have plans tonight, you know," Kon reminds them, raising an eyebrow at the thieves again. 

"I would appreciate you delaying those, actually," Tim mentions. "If you don't mind, I mean." 

"Oh, yeah, don't sweat it, dude," Kon says, waving him off. "These people are annoying but I'm not gonna ditch out on you here, that's not your fault." 

"Don't ignore us!" one of the unnamed thieves yells. "And give the idol back!" 

"I have no idea why you would expect me to do that," Kon says. 

"I'll shoot!" the thief holding Tim threatens, jamming the gun barrel into his head again. 

"I mean, I'm pretty sure that dude was right about the felony murder thing, so maybe don't?" Kon says, inspecting the little clay goat again. "Hm. This thing is actually kinda cute." 

"It is, isn't it," Tim agrees. "I thought it looked like a kid's toy."

"Oh yeah, I can see that," Kon says, squinting assessingly at it. "Like those chunky toddler ones?" 

"Yeah, like those," Tim confirms with a nod. "Fisher-Price, Duplo, that kind of thing." 

"I'll take your word on that one, man, my 'toddler' stage only lasted about half a day and I was sedated for it," Kon replies in amusement. Tim seethes internally and thinks very uncharitable thoughts about Cadmus. 

"I said I'll shoot!" the thief holding him says furiously, tightening his arm across Tim's neck. It's still not actually enough to hurt, but again, Tim appreciates seeing a little more effort. "Give us the idol, you stupid brat!" 

"I'm trying to help you out here," Kon says, looking exasperated. "You're just making shit worse for yourself the longer you keep this up. Put down the gun and let the guy go, you'll get a way lighter sentence." 

"Fuck you!" the thief shouts. "The power of the idol will protect us!" 

"The idol that I am currently holding, you mean?" Kon says, hefting it meaningfully. "The one that is in specifically my possession and not yours?" 

Tim does understand that talking people down is the preferred approach and Kon can't actually super-speed this problem away, but Kon could at least pretend to be taking this seriously. From his perspective, there's a civilian hostage with a gun to their head and an angry criminal with their finger on the trigger, but he's acting like there isn't any danger in the situation at all.

Tim gets the posturing thing and the general "cooler than thou" attitude Kon likes to present, but it's definitely not making any of the thieves calm down. Like, not at all is it making any of the thieves calm down. 

This incident report is going to be very annoying to write. 

"It's not yours!" Lisa shrieks at him. 

"You literally threw it at me," Kon says. "I only have it because you threw it at me. Also pretty sure it's not yours either, given all the screaming alarms and broken glass and the smashed-in wall I am currently standing in the wreckage of."

Tim starts wondering if maybe he should revisit his "tripping" plan. He doesn't really want to pull any Robin-esque moves in front of Kon, but also dying would really fuck up all that hard work he's put into being Bruce's emotional support sidekick. Also two dead Robins in a row could not possibly end well. Especially in such a stupid way. Especially in Metropolis. 

"You don't even know what you're holding, you idiot!" Lisa fumes.

"A toddler toy, I thought we established," Kon says. "'Doopler' or something?"

"Duplo," Tim corrects, internally calculating tripping angles. 

"That one, yeah," Kon amends. "Doppo." 

Tim, resignedly, thinks his determined commitment to pointlessly fucking up is adorable. Also still hates Cadmus and has the irrational urge to buy him a teddy bear or something, although Kon would definitely just think he was fucking with him if he did.

Maybe he could just smuggle one into his room and disavow all knowledge of its existence. That's an option. 

"Give us the idol now!" the thief holding Tim snarls, his face twisting in rage. 

"Yeah, no," Kon says. 

"You little–!" the thief starts to yell, and then his trigger finger slips. Tim knows this because the gun goes off right next to his ear. 

And right against his temple. 

Half the room screams and the thief yells and drops the gun, recoiling in horror. It goes off again as it hits the floor and a bullet shatters a historically-significant vase the way one should have shattered Tim's personally-significant skull. 

What the fuck?

"Shit, sorry, that was probably kinda loud," Kon says apologetically, wincing a little but otherwise looking completely unphased by all of that. Tim blinks, very slowly, and attempts to restore his resting heart rate. It's not a particularly successful attempt.

"Yeah, kinda," he says.

"Sorry, sound waves are harder to block," Kon apologizes, pointing at his own ear with his free hand, and Tim remembers the other's total lack of concern for any threat to civilian life this whole time and realizes that was because, from Kon's perspective, there wasn't any actual threat.

Huh. 

Well, that explains why neither the gun barrel nor the being choked thing actually hurt at any point, doesn't it.

"Oh," Tim says, looking down at the floor that they are, in fact, all still standing on. "Tactile telekinesis?"

"You've heard of it?" Kon says, looking pleased. 

"Once or twice," Tim says, managing not to say it too dryly. Kon looks even more pleased. "I didn't know you could use it like that, though." 

"Practice makes perfect," Kon replies smugly.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for refusing to drive my sister around unless she pays me?

I (16) am learning to drive right now, and my sister (14) can be really really reckless around anything to do with cars. I'm pretty sure she picked it up from our older brother (18 and 20), neither of which I've ever seen put a seat belt on while driving. My brothers just don't care about safety in any situations, but my sister refuses to put a seat belt on as if she's trying to prove something. Like, she sometimes gets genuinely upset if someone tells her to put a seat belt on. I've tried to ask her about the problem before, and what it comes down to is that she's never been involved in a car crash and consequently doesn't think that there's any real danger.

There's this weird rule my family has had our whole lives that if you don't wear your seat belt during a drive, you owe the driver a dollar. Everyone in my family kinda stopped doing that because kids grow up and are supposed to learn how to be safe without being bribed. Well, I told my sister that whenever I was driving, the rule would be back in place.

The thing is, I don't actually want a dollar from my sister. I just want it to be a motivator and I want her to put her seat belt on.

Well, it didn't work, because the first time I ever drove her somewhere, I learned upon arrival that she had literally unbuckled her seat belt on the way there. I told her that she owed me a dollar and she seemed completely unbothered by that. So I told her that if she didn't buckle it on her way back, she owed me ten dollars instead.

Once again, I don't actually want money from her. She's fourteen and has never had an actual job. I just wanted the money to convince her to put her seat belt on. And it didn't work. She didn't buckle it on the way back. She refused to pay the ten dollars, because she said she thinks that it's a ridiculous amount of money to pay just because she wasn't wearing a seat belt. So the compromise we're currently doing is that she can't ask me to drive her anywhere unless she pays the money from her not buckling it.

Reasons I might be the asshole: She literally has no way to get anywhere if I don't drive her. My parents are always busy unless you plan, like, three weeks in advance, which is difficult at the age of 14. We live in an area where I'd have to drive an hour to get to the nearest public transportation, and there aren't enough sidewalks for her to walk places. We also moved pretty recently and I don't want her to struggle maintaining friendships just because her older sibling refuses to drive her places. And honestly it's not just with her friendships-if I drove my mom somewhere, me being the driver would automatically exclude my sister from participating. Also, money being involved at all makes me feel like I'm just being petty.

Reasons I might not be the asshole: I am not good at driving. I am still learning. I am constantly making turns that are sharper than they need to be, or pressing on the brakes too hard, or any number of things I have to practice with to get better at, and I can literally hear my sister getting thrown around in the backseat when I make mistakes. This is dangerous even if I don't get into a car crash, and I don't think I'm immune to ever getting in car crashes. Also, I have super debilitating anxiety, and if there's anything that immediately takes my focus away from driving, it's the idea that my little sister isn't safe right behind me.

Anyway yeah. AITA for that whole thing

What are these acronyms?

[sincerelyneo]

i don’t know how to properly articulate my feelings at the moment so let me just rant.

when sm announced that they’d be making a new boy group (riize) i was super excited; especially since the group was set to debut shotaro and sungchan (ex members of nct) who i really liked. and when the group eventually debuted and had good music i was fully ready to tune in and support those boys.

however, when seunghan’s hiatus was announced, my feelings toward the group shifted. all the content and new music just felt off, like there was sad tension around it. for me this was weird because i consider myself ot7, and i love those other six boys a lot (don’t get me wrong), but for me, i couldn’t fully support the group on principle.

this was because every time i saw content of the group i had this gnawing feeling in my mind that would ask the question ‘in what world is it acceptable to punish and penalise a person for having a life?’ people keep pointing out that seunghan was a teenager in those pre-debut photos that were leaked (without his consent, btw), as if it changes anything. whether he was 17, 23 or 40, having romantic relationships is normal, and the fact that he’s being punished for that is just disgusting and disappointing.

i was really excited yesterday when seunghan announced his return. i even thought about officially launching a separate blog that i’ve been working on for riize, which i’d put on the back burner since i was keeping my support minimal. but now, with him withdrawing from the group, it’s honestly left me feeling sick.

i really do love those boys, but i can’t support the group in good conscience—and i feel guilty about it. i think it’s because it’s obvious those boys aren’t being protected. it makes me wonder if the fandom and company would turn their backs on another member if their privacy was similarly violated. that’s what i mean when i talk about it on a principle level.

this whole situation feels dystopian, honestly. it’s insane. and sm keeps allowing it to happen—like with karina apologizing for her relationship not long ago. it’s heartbreaking to see talent and hard work thrown away because people can’t accept that idols are real human beings with lives and emotions, not products to buy and sell.

this is so rambly, and i hope it made sense. i’m just really frustrated by the news and disappointed. and like i said, i still love all seven of those boys, but i’m struggling to fully support the group knowing that sm and these fans have ruined a man’s career without a shred of remorse or care. it’s terrifying, truly.

[runtwithwolves]

Do you mind sharing your headcanons/au idea of Satan Stan and eldericth god Kenny?

It would also be nice to know Kyle's in that universe

Sorry for nagging you about this, but I'm super interested in this. Feel free to ignore this ask if you don't wanna answer

honestly its kind of just scattered things from the show that i take too seriously! but here are some random little thoughts!

Kenny:

- He was born while his parents were in the cult of cthulu (canon-ish) and in H.P. Lovecraft lore Cthulu is the child of this thing called Shub-niggurath who's also known as the all mother, The Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young, AND IS ALSO in the south park fractured but whole game!

Shub is the outer mythos's god of fertility. When shub has a child theyre called a "dark Young" and Cthulu is techincally one of them. A common trait the dark young share though is they cant die- theyre really creepy and murderous abominations that spill from Shubs body, or theyre born from creatures who can become pregnant and are near her. But yeah a big thing is unless by the hands of an eldrith horror THEY CANT DIE

and whats a funky little thing about Kenny?

SO Kenny is a child of the outer mythos! It would explain why Kenny never stays in either heaven or hell, because OUTER gods soulds dont belong in that realm.

Also in my silly headcanon Cthulu and Kenny are brothers because of Shub! i imagine that once Kennys lived out the life of his human half (80 years or so) he'll have a final death and then join the cosmic war :)

(the cosmic war is the on going war between the outer gods to see whether the embodiment of peace or chaos will rule the mythos.)

Shub is also a lot of things, an evil force in the cosmic war, the mother of the embodiments of good and evil, but shes a GREAT mom!

The dark young are drawn to her and she to them so she can always find them

I like to think a lot of the crazy bad things that happen in South Park happen because Kenny is there! Shubs presence causes animals to go crazy and humans would become weird because she literally embodies chaos

Stan:

- A lot less complicated haha

Stan allows Satan to use him as a vessel in the episode "Freemium isnt Free" after Satan gives him a really earnest talk about addiction and how it can be genetic and how his enviroment isnt conducive to healthy living.

When hes possessed Stan gains a lot of power and can shoot fire out of his hands (sick) and also travel through hell

I like to headcanon that stan starts to conjure Satan more often as he gets older and talk to him about his problems kind of like an older brother haha

Then randomly on their adventures Stan allows Satan to possess him to help out in fights or situations

Satan and Kenny are also bros so its chill

In this same sphere of headcanon Kyle is more towards the light side of the supernatural! I got an ask of someone pointing out that Kyle made a light bulb explode when he got mad at the end of that episode where cartman pretended to be psychic, but ill have to think more on it to include kyle!

Cartmans actually just the most evil little bastard alive, thats kinda supernatural

[struwberrii]

semi headcanons ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪

here are some random general headcanons for semi eita my underrated king :3 (also pls it’s actually so hard to read this guys personality BEAR WITH ME!!)

look at this man and tell me he doesn’t play guitar

his notes app is literally filled with random lyrics and guitar riffs

also i can imagine him having a mac book and his photo booth app is just vids of him covering songs and playing guitar

it’s canon that tendou thinks his style kinda sucks so i imagine him just owning some of the most horrendous graphic t-shirts

likes taking walks in wooded areas and just listening to music and getting lost in thought

i feel like he would be the type of guy to make every conversation with someone he doesn’t rlly know too well super awkward

like the type of guy to say “you too!” when a server say enjoy your food

he gives me middle child vibes and i feel like he’d have an older brother who introduced him to cool bands and guitar

probably the type of guy to randomly get super philosophical

i feel like he’d be super gullible on certain topics too, like he probably believed a lot of those dumb internet shams for an absurd amount of time

would def judge your music taste silently then try to put you onto his favs

always in a bad mood/irritated but the second someone compliments him or is nice to him he’s wagging his tail

movie fanatic, he has seen every movie on the planet

i also feel like he’s 2011 older brother core, ykwim?

failing in school and knows he’s gonna have a hard time if he doesn’t get it together but has no motivation

beat up doc marten boots wearer

i honestly feel like he’d be kinda rude unintentionally and then be confused as to why people are calling him mean

also it’s canon that he’s in the lowest class at shiratorizawa so you already KNOW he’s a scholarship boy because no way he got in for those grades 😭😭😭

probably goes to the gym like twice a week because he forgets

spends literally 3 hours to do the simplest homework because every little thing distracts him

always smells like musky apples or rotten fruit for some reason

genuinely a chill person to be around if you understand his humor

pretends to play drums with his pencils on his desk

will stop talking mid conversation if he thinks of a good song lyric to write down

i feel like he would think he’s really deep and wise but he’s actually just kind of clueless 😭

mario kart champ

definitely the type of guy to get easily talked into doing stupid things like ufo hunting at 2 am on a school day

i actually imagine him to have a really deep and smooth singing voice (i could actually write a whole drabble abt band au semi)

probably has the worst diet ever, bro is eating leftover pizza for breakfast lunch dinner AND snacks

always thinking about his future but never doing anything to better his situation

has the comfiest sweaters but you’ll have to ignore the holes and questionable stains in weird places

type of guy to ruin your concert videos because his singing is so bad and off key

i also feel like his room would be really weirdly decorated, like he’d have a stolen stop sign up as decoration and then like holes punched in his walls and missing light bulbs

always has a lighter on him for some reason

also always has a headache

i feel like he’d also have a lot of instagram followers for some reason, like a couple thousand and he doesn’t even really post anything

the type of guy to constantly be thinking about how he could be doing better/more when his friends share good news and accomplishments with him

i feel like he’d have a pet lizard or frog yk :]

[jh-newman-opn]

The Moscow Fiasco

At the prodding of @quonunc, here is a quick overview of the incident I fondly referred to as "the Moscow fiasco" in a previous ask about the difference between Catholicism and Orthodoxy. It's a subject dear and horrifying to my heart after I wrote my undergrad dissertation on it.

In short: this is to do with how the Moscow Patriarchate (Russian Orthodox Church, hereafter ROC) is entirely in bed with the Russian government, and how Patriarch Kirill (of Moscow and All Russia) has been responding to the ongoing situation in Ukraine (and former Soviet lands more generally). Picture will make sense lower down the post.

The slightly longer short answer is that Patriarch Kirill is entirely in favour of the Ukraine war, and the ROC clergy are under significant pressure to support that as an official church stance-- my dissertation topic started to germinate when, completely by accident, I came across a 10-minute video of a ROC priest explaining very slowly and carefully that when he met the Pope, he did not talk about Ukraine. Will link this video if I can find it again, but at present it's proving elusive. (EDIT: found it!!! It was the Metropolitan Hilarion of Budapest and Hungary. This video looks like a hostage video honestly £10 says there's someone behind the camera holding a gun to this man's head for legal reasons this is a joke).

The foundation for this belief is obviously completely political (and the history of how the ROC and Russian state are completely entwined is long and complicated to say the least!), but officially the ROC stance is that it's about reclaiming the historic Slavic spiritual unity founded on the Baptism of Rus' in the year 988 by Vladimir the Grand Prince of Kievan Rus' when Slavdom become Orthodox. Proponents of this "Russian World" theory (Russkiy Mir') basically argue that it's the influence of the West that has fractured the unified Slavic people into different, opposing nations, and that by "liberating" Ukraine of this alien ideology of nationhood, the Slavic Orthodox world will regain its historic unity under the common banner of Orthodoxy. All I will say on this is that these people have a very rosy view of Kievan Rus', but that's a post for another day.

This has obviously caused friction within the Orthodox world. Ukraine now has two Orthodox churches-- the Orthodox Church of Ukraine, which is in communion with the Ecumenical Patriarch in Constantinople, and the Ukrainian Orthodox Church, which is in communion with the Russian Patriarchate. They are not in communion with each other, and Constantinople's decision to grant autocephalous status to the OCoU caused Moscow to schism with Constantinople. Constantinople is also accusing Moscow of heresy (specifically, ethno-phyletism). Moscow obviously denies this. Obvious question for the Catholics among us-- does this mean Russian Orthodox christians are no longer Orthodox? No, because schisms between Orthodox churches are not particularly unusual, and they remain within the general cloud of Orthodox communion links.

The whole mess is then immortalised in the absolute monstrosity that is the Main Cathedral to the Russian Armed Forces, which is what I wrote my diss on. The YouTube video linked there is promotional material from Russian military-themed TV channel Звезда, and is one of the better sources of info on it-- a lot of English-language sources contain a lot of incorrect information on it-- either because they don't understand the cultural background, or just straight up lies from the Russian govt propaganda arm--, so take anything they say with a grain of salt. Kirill then gives televised sermons from this cathedral in which he talks about the glorious Russian martyrs of the Ukraine invasion, does his best to harmonise Stalinism and Orthodoxy, and oversees military parades for national holidays. This cathedral has a huge amount of weird symbolism and imagery, and I am super happy to talk more about the mosaics and propaganda going on there, because it's a lot (to say the quiet part out loud: pLEASE ask me more about this cathedral because the more I think about it the more scream-worthy facts about it I remember).

You may have seen memes with this picture of the Virgin Mary (below). Yeah that's from this cathedral. And it's a really really fucked up image. Like, more fucked up than you may think. Could have written my entire diss on this image alone and how shockingly awful it is. western orthobro converts who keep reblogging it as if it's somehow cool and macho are just showing how little they know and it's embarrassing.

The militarism of the ROC since this whole thing has also gone bonkers and there's a huuuuuge amount of corruption and weird stuff going on. The tension between the clergy and the laity has been extremely high for decades, and has spilled over most notably in Pussy Riot's Punk Prayer stunt, an exhibition called Осторожно, религия! (beware, religion!), and some shenanigans in church-building more generally. On this particular incident I would point to the blessing of nuclear weapons and the canonisation of a patron saint of long-range nuclear missiles as key moments. The cathedral also has matching mosaics of Putin and Stalin, a fact that the Russian government very much wants you to think never happened (officially the mosaics were removed, but they absolutely were not-- muggins here found them and has the pictures to prove it).

The main takeaway from this topic is that situation is obviously complicated and the repercussions for everyone involved-- particularly Russian and Ukrainian laypeople-- are unpleasant to say the least. It gives something of a window into the Putin regime and its propaganda arm (Epiphany swim, topless horseriding pictures, Soviet-style policies, I could go on) more than anything else, because the situation inside the ROC is still quite obscure. From talking to people who know Kirill personally, it's not clear quite what he thinks is going on or why he's involved the way he is. Either way. Fiasco.

[terukotime]

allow me to be super delulu for a second

if either Eden or Ace are the actual killer, that would mean one of them would be saying their secret quotes in the next coming episodes. but...do we really feel like the situation warrants them saying what their quotes are?

Ace's is: "I don't know what to do with myself anymore."

Eden's is: "You can't go back, no matter how hard you try."

Ace's feels a little strange to say in the trial. we're very close to unearthing the real culprit, and if Ace really is the killer, when would he say that? immediately upon being found out? the quote itself has their air of melancholy and defeatism, and even at his lowest, we know Ace isn't someone to concede or go down without a fight. and if he knows he's about to die, what's the point in saying "I don't know what to do with myself anymore" when he's not even going go be alive in the next few moments? He WON'T be doing anything with himself anymore, he'll be dead.

Eden's, while not as strange of a thing to say as Ace, is also kind of peculiar. when would she say it? while she's admitting to the murder? if Eden did it, sure, it's believable that she'd feel some regret, but the setup to her being the killer feels very odd now that we've gone through this big emotional moment between her and Teruko. honestly, after all that, if Eden really is the killer, i'd be more inclined to believe she WOULDN'T regret killing Arei. it'd seem like her crying and pleading was all just emotional manipulation. it also seems strange to me that Eden would have already had it in mind to kill Arei when she and Teruko found Ace, and took the opportunity to steal the tape to carry it out. i could definitely be wrong, and please correct me if i am, but i think the attempted murder was the same day as what happened with Eden and Arturo? honestly, even if it wasn't, it just feels weird to me that Eden would find some way to disguise her handwriting, set up a murder method even more elaborate than Nico's original version, and then do the whole trial pleading and sobbing for people to believe she didn't kill her and actually have regretted her actions. that shit is so premeditated that everything Eden has done thus far feels like immense emotional manipulation. while that could still be possible...it's not really that satisfying, i'd say. who knows, maybe i'm in severe denial, but i just think this characterization of Eden would be really weird. it would feel less like a betrayal of "man, this character i liked turned out to be awful", and more like a betrayal of "man, this character i liked has made a 180° in their personality without any foreshadowing of having a darker side to them".

and i'm just still really hung up on Hu. her secret quote, "I want to pay for what I've done. But even then, I still want to live." makes total sense in the context of this trial, especially after her secret reveal. and while it's pretty unlikely she took the tape from the gym, there's no guarantee that the person who took the tape at the time HAS to be the murderer. i'm just still hung up on the fact that it feels like there needs to be one last, big twist before the true killer is revealed. a moment where Teruko comes to her realization and the culprit is selected before she makes any actual accusation against them. we already knew Eden and Ace would be the ones Teruko was going to interrogate in the selection because of her explanation. just given how drdt has been written thus far, i feel like they wouldn't hand the potential answer to us like that so easily. like we wouldn't get to the point of selecting the culprit with the story already telling us it can only be one of two suspects.

it's entirely possible that i'm just coping and am refusing to accept that one of my favorite characters is actually the culprit. or that drdt could have a trial that isn't greatly written. it's totally fine if i'm wrong and Eden or Ace really is the killer, i definitely won't enjoy it much but it's not my story, nor would it completely make me drop drdt.

i honestly just needed to rant LMAO. this episode left me with a LOT of feelings.

[soobieedoo]

Formula of Love CH. 17 - the performance (written)

word count: 1,280

7:35 pm

you were nervous.

you loved yunjin but god did you wish that you were just back in your room right now, on your bed, reading some kind of book.

you’re trying to briefly study before watching the performance, but you just can’t seem to focus.

it’s not that you didn’t want to support yunjin, no! again you loved yunjin so much you wouldn’t miss her first ever performance. it’s just why of all people did lee donghyuck have to be there too?

you’ve been getting along with him but this scene feels so unfamiliar, you can’t help but think there’s so many things you didn’t get to find out about him.

you’ve been feeling weird for the past few days, he of course has not lost his charm and honestly? its scary. as much as you want to be his friend, you can’t forget the shared experience you had together. yes, it was only a couple of weeks, a few phone calls and text conversations that lasted way late into the night. but the fact that he wormed his way into your heart super fast…weird. and well just when you thought you’d taken care of your only distraction, here he comes into your life again doing what he does best…distracting you.

7:50 pm

“taeyong i refuse to believe you do NOT have ANY croissants in there! you make them everyday don’t you?”

you look up from your laptop hearing a familiar voice, you see choi beomgyu seething in front of lee taeyong (the cafe manager).

“beomgyu for the last time, i did NOT make any today. please help yourself to any other pastries we have here.” you feel bad for taeyong, choi beomgyu angry is not a pretty sight. you decide to get up and handle the situation.

“beomgyu please leave taeyong alone” you grab his arm to try and pull him away.

“Y/N NO come on taeyong i’m a paying customer let me have some croissants please please please please” you feel embarrassed, everyone is STARING.

“here” all of a sudden a plate of croissants lands in front of beomgyu’s face.

“THANK YOU RANDOM STRAN-” beomgyu suddenly gasps and you look to see who gave the croissants.

“OH NOT RANDOM STRANGER MY BAD”

it’s donghyuck…with a plate full of croissants.

beomgyu takes the entire plate from donghyuck and runs to sit at your table.

“woah” donghyuck stands there wide eyed. i guess there goes his croissants.

you turn to donghyuck “how did you get croissants? i thought taeyong didn’t make any today?”

“taeyong let’s me help out from time to time, i saved some to snack on cause he said he wouldn’t be displaying it today but..”

“oh! holy shit im so sorry about him wait let me go get the plate back-“ you try to fast walk your way to beomgyu before he eats all the croissants when donghyuck grabs your wrist to stop you.

“nono its okay, i can have them anytime. you and your friend enjoy some while watching the perfomance okay?” you look down at where he holds your wrist, he follows your line of sight and he suddenly lets go and stretches his arm to scratch his neck “i should go with the rest of the group and warm up, thanks for coming today y/n i hope you enjoy the show” he smiles at you and begins to walk away.

8:00 pm

“y/n seriously if you don’t want him i’ll take him” you glare at beomgyu from across the table.

“you. are. embarrassing.”

“y/n he OFFERED why wouldn’t i take it?”

“normal people would only take one if someone offered them food, you took the WHOLE plate! do you have no shame?” you stare at him. beomgyu has already finished 3/5 croissants on the plate.

“y/n. you already know i’m far from normal. are you really questioning this? why would he put the entire plate in front of my face like that if he didn’t want me to take the whole thing?”

“you are unbelievable.” you try to grab a croissant but he slaps your hand away. greedy asshole.

“how on earth did you get croissants??” hanbin finally shows up alongside giselle after picking up the flowers you ordered for yunjin.

“y/n’s boyfriend gave me some- OW” you flick his forehead.

“donghyuck? he gave you croissants?”

“yes he did! he gave me an entire plate. i know why y/n likes him so much now”

before you could argue, the lights dim and soft guitar sounds start to play.

donghyuck’s voice resonates throughout the entire place.

wow. you are completely in awe…how has he never mentioned that he can sing?

i guess you should’ve known, he was always humming during calls, or more recently he keeps humming in the clinic.

you’re completely mesmerized by his honey voice that you don’t even realize their performance is over until you hear beomgyu’s loud ass clapping beside you.

you hear mark say thank you to the audience before the group exits the stage and yunjin comes to your table. you hug her congratulating her on her first performance. beomgyu even gives her his last croissant.

as your group falls into conversation you feel a tap on your shoulder and you turn around and see donghyuck standing there smiling at you.

“hey! good job on stage today you were amazing!”

“oh thanks! it’s really nothing” you notice his cheeks start to turn red.

“nothing?!?! donghyuck i’m pretty sure the entire audience was in awe of your voice. if i had a voice like that i honestly would not shut up” he smiles at your compliment.

“does that include you?”

“huh?”

“in awe…of my voice” he smirks. you can tell he’s teasing you but two can play at that game.

“yeah i was actually”

his smirk suddenly goes away, a shocked look on his face. he was NOT expecting you to play along…i mean you never did.

“what? it’s true, you’re amazing hyuck. you should be proud of yourself!”

“thanks y/n, that really means a lot” donghyuck can feel his heart beating. god, you make him crazy….

suddenly he hears jaemin loudly calling out his name in the middle of the cafe breaking the moment between you two.

“oof that sounds like its important. i should go, my friends want to get some food. again, you did great today hyuck! see you around?”

“yeah of course! i’ll see you”

he can’t even focus on his steps and trips on a chair on the way to his friends.

“oh my god are you okay???” you yell out to him.

“i’m fine i’m fine! have a good rest of your day y/n!” he quickly waves at you before speed walking away to his friends

“have a good day?? its 9pm at night lee donghyuck jesus.” he’s silently cursing jaemin in his head, this is all because of na jaemin’s loud ass voice calling him out like a dog in the cafe.

“yikes that was a mess.” speak of the devil.

“why were you yelling my name in a cafe full of people?!”

“because i’m hungry??? the guys insisted on waiting on you but your ass was taking so long! you took like 10 minutes only for you to embarrass yourself!”

“i did not!”

“that loud ass noise was you falling no?”

before he can strangle jaemin, mark quickly butts in.

“alright alright break it up! lets go! aren’t you guys hungry?”

during dinner, haechan is silent. he tries to focus on his friends’ conversations but honestly? despite chenle’s yelling and mark’s consistent rambling, he can’t even hear any of it. the only thing on his mind right now, is you.

note: another written chapter!! rlly love flustered and down bad haechan but i also rlly love him teasing 😭 but he’s not gonna know what hit him once y/n gets confident enough to fire back 🤭🤭

taglist: @bloomyroses @lionzyon @ourbeautifulaffair @yewshi @injunnie-lemon @nessaassen02 @dudekiss3r @jianreadsaus @haechsworld @catpjimin @onlyhyunjin @stqrgr7 @thegracerammy

masterlist | previous | next 𐙚˙✧˖

[jesterofcringe]

drain you of your love is so amazing!!! i loved it, could you make more of those? like the first time shauna fed of reader, they starting this as friends and becoming something more… idk i just really loved your writing 😭❤️

Stay clear and go away. [I'm bleeding out on the floor.] Vampire!Shauna x Witch!Reader [pt.2]

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ☆ TW for blood and mentions of needles ☆ [part one can be found here but these don't have to be read in order] ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────

The first time Shauna fed from you was almost completely accidental.

Honestly, it was no fault of Shauna's, you knew she was very inexperienced with being a vampire. You just wish Shauna had been a bit more truthful- the whole ordeal would've been mostly avoidable if she had.

You seriously thought she was making a weird joke when she first approached you about the situation- you had a bit of a reputation coming from a family of witches, and as such you were used to dumb pranks and gags. Not to mention you had never met a real vampire, and never thought you really would.

Until she showed you her fangs.

Despite never having met a vampire, you knew enough about them to give Shauna a basic rundown and advice, emphasizing the importance of how often she needed to feed- you knew it was a rough transition for most new vampires, and you were fully prepared to help her struggle through a bit of a hiccup period while she learned and got used to it. To your surprise, she seemed to get it pretty quickly. At least it seemed that way.

For about a month or so you had been doing what you could to support Shauna as she tried to balance being a regular person while also secretly being a vampire. You supplied her with animal blood and kinda felt awful about it- you heard the stuff tasted nasty but what other solution did you have?

Everything seemed to be going pretty well, and you were happy Shauna had seemed to get the hang of being a vampire so quickly- that was until she was suddenly out of school for a few days. The first day you figured she had just come down with something, but it wasn't until the third day rolled around that you began to get a bad feeling about it... something in the back of your subconscious was screaming. You knew something was wrong.

You decided to skip last period and run to Shauna's house, just to check on her. She had given you permission to swing by on a dime, and it wasn't completely unusual to do so. As such, you figured it wouldn't hurt if you dropped in quickly to make sure she was alright.

A while back she told you where she kept the spare key, and seeing as it was early enough for her parents to not be home you decided to use it before carefully hiding it back in it's spot.

You knew she was home because her car was in the driveway, but that didn't stop it from being eerily silent in the house.

"Shipman?" You called from the doorway, "You home?"

"Up here," Shauna's voice sounded small, which you were sure was because of the fact that she was upstairs but you also detected a slight shakiness in her tone.

You jogged up the stairs and walked to her room, though you found yourself pausing suddenly in front of her door. Your subconscious was screaming again- you had a terrible gut feeling but you pushed it aside figuring it was nothing.

It was super dark in her room. The lights were off and the shades were drawn meaning you could only rely on the light from the hallway to glace around her room as you stepped inside. You could make out her silhouette, shaking and sniffling as if she had been crying.

"Shauna?"

She slowly turned to face you. In a weird way, her eyes almost seemed red, and she stared at you hard enough that you were worried she'd burn a hole through your chest.

Shauna stood up slowly and took a shaky step towards you. She furrowed her eyebrows and you could tell she was focusing on your position as if she was zeroing in on her target.

She locked eyes with you, and when she did you felt a sharp pang of dread shoot through your system. You knew in that very moment what it felt like to be nothing more than the flesh on your bones, nothing more than nutrients for your soon to be killer, nothing more than prey that has nowhere to run. Shauna takes another step forward. You reflectively take another step back.

"Shauna- Wait hang on-"

Before you could get out another word, she shoved you against the wall, closing in on you.

With one hand on the wall next to your head and the other on your chest hovering above your heart as if she was eager to rip it out, Shauna effectively had you trapped between the wall and her body. You tried to squirm and shove her away, which only rewarded you with her leaning forward and nipping at your earlobe in warning. You forced yourself to calm down and stand patiently still as she finally let go and instead turned her attention to your neck. 

Her breath came in slow huffs as she greedily drank in your scent, lips pressed firmly against your skin as she tried to decide whether or not she wanted to tear into it. One of her hands met your jaw, tilting it upwards so she had more room to explore before she finally settled on a spot right against the crook of your neck. She lightly kissed the mark, licking a stripe where she aimed to attack. The contrast between her warm breath and cool fangs caused you to shiver. 

The hand that was on your jaw shifted abruptly so it was now covering your mouth. Before you could question why, the worst pain you had ever experienced shot through your neck.

Whatever you imagined being bitten would feel like, you were dreadfully off. You weren't quite sure why you didn't think it would hurt as much as it did, but as her fangs sunk into you all you could imagine was being stabbed by a needle but a thousand times over. It was easily one of the worst things you had ever felt, and you instinctively wanted to scream to reflect that, but Shauna's hand being over your mouth completely muffled the sound. 

The newfound pain shocked adrenaline into your body, and you were instantly shocked into fight or flight. You tried to thrash, push, squirm, whatever you could to get Shauna away from you, but your struggle seemed to make it worse. For a moment she withdrew from your neck, before biting back down again. Her fangs tore away at your flesh as she dug deeper into your skin as warm tears burned down your cheeks.

Deepening her bite caused an unfathomable amount of carnage to your skin all the while sending shockwave after shockwave of pain through your entire nervous system. She feverishly tore through your skin as if she was searching for something.

Something she wouldn't stop until she had ripped from you.

Something you couldn't give her without turning into a cold corpse in her arms.

You wouldn't be able to hang on for much longer, and you knew that. Shauna either didn't know, or didn't care as she continued to get intoxicated on the taste of the gore leaking from your neck.

You already felt light headed, and the more she gnawed at your skin the more the room seemed to sway. You felt Shauna pull back, and you braced yourself to feel Shauna slice her fangs into your neck and more than likely inflicted the fatal wound that would cause your death.

You squeezed your eyes shut, held your breath, and tried to hold your own as you prepared for Shauna to bite down again, but she never did. She pushed off of you so you were no longer trapped against the wall. She used the back of her hand to wipe the blood off of her mouth, breathing so heavy her body seemed to sway.

Shauna glanced up slowly and you watched as the sharp red glare in her eyes melt away, replaced by the familiar soft brunette you were accustomed to. Her expression painted itself into one of confusion as she glanced between you, herself, and the bloodbath you both were soaked in.

Just like that, the Shauna you knew was back. Unfortunately, that didn't stop the symptoms of anemia from kicking in as you gave into the black spots in the field of your vision. The last words you heard before you passed out were-

"Holy fuck-"

When you eventually woke up, things were just as confusing as they were when you passed out.

The lights were dim making it hard to see, but you could make out just enough to tell you were in your bedroom. You felt a sharp sting in your neck as you turned to look around. Reaching up, you were able to trace your fingers along a bandage on the crook of your neck that wasn't there previously.

As you continued to glance around and try to figure out how you ended up in your room, your eyes landed upon your bedside table. Well, less the table, more the person leaning against the wall beside it.

Shauna nervously fidgeted with the fabric on the hem of her flannel. She repeatedly shifted her weight from being on the back of her feet to her toes. It made it seem as if she was rocking back and forth, and you couldn't figure out if she was stimming or self soothing- probably both.

Upon noticing you were awake she perked up. She opened her mouth as if she was about to say something but couldn't quite gather the words.

You noticed she was tightly gripping a bottle, and as you tried to figure out what it was she held it out so you could read the label. It was a potion- one of your own- supposed to grant good health and regeneration. Honestly when you crafted it you were positive it wasn't going to work.

"Sorry I... snagged if off your shelf. I gave it to you while you were out."

By all means, you should've been in agonizing pain after being attacked like that. Weirdly, you were mostly fine. There was still an aching burn around your neck, but it wasn't nearly as bad as you anticipated it would've been if your wound hadn't been treated properly.

You had to hand it to Shauna, she did a pretty good job of bringing you back to life after damn near killing you.

"How do you feel?"

"Cold."

Despite how well Shauna cared for you, the effects of losing so much blood in such a short amount of time still wore through. You were freezing and still felt somewhat nauseous. The lights were too much even if they were on the lowest setting. You covered your eyes with the palm of your hand as you sighed and leaned back into your bedframe.

"I figured since you were a witch you'd have something I could use to nurse you back to health so I-"

"I don't know if I'm more mad about the fact that you stole my charms or about the fact that you almost fucking killed me."

"...I'm sorry I really am-"

"Sorry?? I almost went into fucking cardiac arrest! Because of you!"

"I didn't ask you to come! This is kinda your fault!"

"Because I was worried about you? And wanted to help you?" You scoffed, "This is your fault for lying to me!"

"I never lied! You never asked if I was taking the animal blood or not-"

"Yeah well you weren't exactly telling the truth about that either."

It wasn't her fault, you knew that. You tried to convince yourself not to be mad but it was incredibly difficult considering how you had just barely dodged death. Shauna saved you, but she was also nearly your murderer. You couldn't help but to chew her out.

And still, you forced yourself to take a deep breath and calm down. You had to be rational about this, even if you were still ticked off.

"It's a rite of passage, I just didn't know I'd be your first meal..."

Shauna took to staring at the ground so she wouldn't have to look at you. Out of your peripheral vision you could see just enough to tell there was a nasty mark from where she had drained your blood, and you noticed how her eyes flicked down to look at the mark as you had been talking.

"Be honest, how do I taste?"

She looked up suddenly, and you could almost detect a smile threatening to form, "Bad."

"Oh get real." You said with an overdramatic eyeroll, "You were drooling at the sight of me. I must've tasted pretty good."

"Was I really?"

You nodded slowly, "Don't try to lie to yourself and pretend you aren't a vampire, that's kinda how we ended up in this mess."

Shauna frowned and went back to fidgeting with the hem of her shirt and rocking back and forth. You could tell this conversation was making her uncomfortable, but it wasn't something you could go without talking about.

"You can admit you like the taste of human blood. If you're not honest with yourself about that then you're gonna keep accidentally attacking people."

"No it... tastes awful." She balled her fist and grit her teeth as she said it, almost as if it caused her physical pain to lie.

"If I'm still alive you probably didn't even drink your fill, did you?"

"I... had enough."

"But you're still hungry aren't you?"

She didn't have to say it out loud, you both knew the truth that she was still hungry. Except you knew she wouldn't be able to satisfy that hunger without admitting that she was no longer human, and she knew that she wouldn't be able to face that truth for quite a while.

The situation improved none as time went on. To give her credit, Shauna really did try to balance being a vampire with being a regular person. The two of you tried absolutely everything to make her vampire cravings feel more normal, but it never worked. One way or another Shauna always found a way to make an excuse about not consuming blood as she was supposed to, and more than once it had resulted in the craving becoming more than she could handle until she would eventually get herself in trouble trying to satisfy the urge and inevitably drag you down with her.

Well, she didn't drag you down with her. You kind of did that yourself. You did your best to protect her as she tried to get the hang of being a vampire. It wasn't easy, you knew you bit off more than you could chew, but you refused to give up on her. It drove Shauna crazy how much you cared about her.

Truly, she couldn't stand it. She thought you were a great person, and hated the idea of you getting hurt by her own hands. She did all she could to push you away and convince you that she was a monster beyond saving, but you always made your way back.

"Why do you care so much about what happens to me?"

"Because I love you, damnit!"

You cringed as soon as the words left your mouth. It was something straight out of a lame coming of age movie for middle schoolers, but it was true. You loved Shauna. You had for a long time.

"Why?"

To be honest, you were wondering that yourself. You knew she isn't the monster she had convinced herself she was. You knew she could be dangerous- you had experienced it first hand- but you didn't care. You knew you could help her. You just wished she would let you.

"I don't know, but I love you for who you are. Not who you were or whatever you've convinced yourself you've become. I love you for you."

It was corny as hell, but it seemed to work. Shauna still didn't believe you, but you wanted to prove yourself.

You convinced Shauna to feed from you.

It took a lot to persuade her considering the first time she fed from you. She was absolutely terrified of hurting you, but you were gradually able to convince her that if she fed before the craving kicked in she'd be completely in control of herself. If she waited too long then things might get a little messy. Again.

"Your heart is beating really fast."

"Is it really?" Of course your heart was racing. Here you were, sitting on Shauna's lap, about to give your blood to her. You had everything prepared- a bandage, some water and sugar, and a towel to prevent too much of a mess- and yet you were still nervous as hell. You honestly just wanted to help, and didn't know why you were getting so antsy, but you thought you had been masking it pretty well. Apparently not, you now realized as you sighed, "How can you tell?"

"I can hear it." 

Your immediate assumption was that your heart was beating so dreadfully hard that it was audible, but you forgot that being a vampire granted Shauna enhanced senses. Or maybe you were really that anxious.

"We don't have to do this if you don't want to-"

"-No no, I'm fine." You quickly interjected, "I don't know why I'm freaking out, I know you won't hurt me."

Shauna shrugged, "It'll probably hurt a little bit if I'm being completely honest."

"That's not helping."

The both of you were sitting on Shauna's bed, but from where you were you could perfectly see the doorway. More importantly, you could see the wall where you had nearly bled out a few months prior. Even though it was cleaned pretty well and covered with a poster, you still felt like you could see the stain. You had been staring at it, wondering if things would be like they were last time. Despite your anxieties, you were determined not to back down. You just... couldn't help but to wonder.

"Alright, let's try something different."

Without warning, Shauna suddenly pushed you back so you were no longer on her lap but instead lying flat on your back. Before you had a chance to sit up, she maneuvered herself so she was completely on top of you- her knees next to your thighs and her forearms on either side of your head 

You hoped you weren't blushing as much as you thought you were.

"Woah- take me out to dinner first." You said dumbly, trying to relieve the tension.

"I would if you weren't on the menu."

Hot damn.

Slowly, she raised one hand and hovered it above the center of your chest, "Is it ok if I put my hand here?"

"Yeah that's fine," Honestly, your heartrate almost quickened as she lowered her hand and firmly planted it on your chest, "Are you feeling for my heartbeat?"

"Mhm, still pretty high. Try slowing your breathing."

Though difficult considering your current position, you did as you were told. You tried to breath as slowly as you could, taking your time inhaling, momentarily holding your breath, before dragging out your exhaling. 

"Perfect, just like that."

You continued like that, inhaling through your nose, exhaling through your mouth. Shauna slowly nodded as you did, and you could progressively feel your heartbeat slowing. She began to shift, nuzzling into the crook of your neck as she lowered the rest of her body to be completely on top of your own. You could feel the way she picked her mark as she peppered small kisses along the part of your skin she settled on.

You shivered as she ran her fangs along your neck. The whole process was too similar to last time, but you tried not to think about that as you kept breathing.

"Do you wanna give me a heads up before you-"

Before you could finish your sentence, Shauna pierced your neck with her fangs. Just like before you felt a stab, sudden and sharp, and you wanted to instinctively cry out in pain. Except this time you could, as Shauna wasn't completely focused on keeping you still and silent.

You yelped as Shauna withdrew her fangs. She muttered a quiet apology before she licked a stripe from where you were now bleeding.

It was all too familiar to the last time Shauna fed off you, and yet it was so drastically different. She used her body weight to keep you down like before, but in a way her weight on top of you was somewhat calming and helped you stay relaxed. Instead of focusing on digging into your flesh, She licked and kissed at the wound soothing the burning ache while simultaneously lapping up the blood leaking from your skin. 

You whimpered and winced, trying and failing at keeping your cool. She mumbled quiet apologies against your skin, pausing to withdrawal and affirm you were doing great.

Just as quickly as it started, it was over.

Shauna gave the wound one final kiss before she sat up, wiping the blood from her mouth with the palm of her hand while simultaneously reaching for the bandage. You propped yourself up on your elbows, one hand instinctively reaching up to trace along the mark she had left. Shauna quickly slapped your hand away as she carefully tried to place the bandage over the spot on your neck.

"Stop that- hold still."

"I just want to feel it-"

"You're going to get blood on my bed, give me a second."

She pressed the bandage down and you accidentally whined.

"Are you ok?"

"Oh yeah," You nodded, "I'm fine."

Although you were completely fine, you noticed Shauna was staring off into the distance as if she were contemplating something.

"Are... you ok?"

She shook her head slowly, "It's just weird."

"What's weird?"

"Your blood. It tasted sweet."

Confused, you tilted your head to the side, "I think that's normal. Being a vampire should alter your taste-"

"Last time it tasted metallic." To conceal a smirk, you forced yourself to frown. You were no good at hiding your expression and Shauna seemed to catch it anyways, "What?"

"It's nothing."

"Obviously it's something."

"I just can't believe you don't know-"

"-Don't know what?"

You stifled a laugh to the best of your ability, "It means your becoming acquired to my taste."

Shauna's face fell, "Are you serious?"

You nodded slowly and Shauna groaned, "You don't wanna get hooked on my blood?"

"No!"

"That's too damn bad, Shipman," You said with a cheeky grin, "You're stuck with me."

[quitealotofsodapop]

Did Tripitaka ever experience the heat of a tiger? It sure was confusing for him. Humans do not have mating seasons (we look for love when we want but this is not the case with animals).

It must have been difficult for him, especially around Azure. Did Tripitaka come to consider Azure as a potential mate during a time of mating?

OK this is nsft territory so be warned!

Tripitaka is an interesting character to analyze since he's supposed to represent The Ideal™ buddhist monk for his adhereance to the rules... but he's never known anything else really. He was raised in a monastery, and very soon after becoming a priest (and solving his dad's murder + losing his mom), got sent on the mission for the scriptures. Would he be as dilligently a buddhist if his parents had not undergone such tragedies?

Tripitaka never approaches sexuality in Jttw (his own or others) because in Buddhist belief; sexuality is considered a "worldly attraction" like vanity or pride. Same reason the book never has him eat meat, whether for survival or unintentional (like in the Spider Sisters arc). It blemishes his perfect record.

But since the Tiger Monk au has Tripitaka in a situation where he honestly can't uphold the very human standards of buddhism...

Our boy fighting some biological demons rn.

My idea of Tripitaka is that he's mostly on the aro-ace spectrum, but seriously questions his sexuality over the course of the Journey. Seeing hot demons and celestials of many genders does that to a sheltered religious guy.

Combine that with a tiger's seasonal heat, and you got a monk frothing at the mouth, trying to keep himself from acting reckless.

Tigers go into seasonal "heat" every 3-9 weeks depending on the individual. Anyone whos met an unfixed cat or heard a cougar sounding like someone being murdered will know that these mfs make sure that you know about it. Tigers in particular have a deep "Meow" sound they broadcast to find mates. They even have "first dates" to get to know each other. Example.

Tripitaka feels weird one day and subconsciously makes a deep meow sound - scaring the whole gang. Wukong is immediately is putting a bicycle lock on that cassock!

I feel even when pushed to the brink of his urges, Tripitaka wouldn't be comfortable "going all the way" unless its literally someone he wants to stay with for the rest of their near-immortal lives.

Also his disciples are off-limits; the mentor-disciple bond is too precious to him to risk over a selfish urge.

But, Azure Lion offers an opportunity. He's a fellow feline demon with a similar Buddhist background who understands Tripitaka's moral conflict weighing his desires over his faith. He isn't the monk's superior or inferior, so no issue of power imbalances.

Tripitaka needs a moment to think. And to draft a diagram of pros and cons.

If these two ever did do "The Deed" (or just 3rd base)...

Macaque would be the first to know. And he'd be howling with laughter. XD At least until Azure threatens to tell the others why Macaque was in Wukong's room that very same night. Mutual glaring ensues.

And ofc Azure would be seconds away from being skinned alive by a quartet of the tiger's super-protective pilgrim brothers the very second of the them sniffs Tripitaka the next morning.

Peng would still brag in Azure's place as you can imagine - lion done pulled a baddie on insane difficulty. Yellow Tusk would shake his head in disapproval, but would also be a little impressed.