#honestly the thing is that it is like incredibly in character for eddie to be cruel/lash out

[strangerthingsfanworkrecs]

Would love to nominate an artist: hearsegrrl Rachel is one of the friendliest artists I know. She is so supportive of other artists and writers, and although she's extremely busy irl, she still makes time for fandom and always drops the most iconic works. She's incredibly humble, and deserves all the love and recognition in the world.

This week, we're highlighting @hearsegrrl as an artist! All recs this week will be her art.

see the original here She answered some questions about her work under the cut

Why Stranger Things?

Honestly I had never seen it before season 4, but when it dropped I started getting a bunch of Eddie edits on my TikTok and was like “WOAH, I gotta know more about that guy right now.” I binged the whole season over a couple days, fell in love with his character, remade a Tumblr account for the first time since my early teens, and started drawing him pretty much immediately.

What's your favorite ship (platonic or romantic) to create for?

I love how much people love Steddie. I love a two himbos in love dynamic and I love their interactions in the show, even if they were brief they obviously stuck with people.

What's your typical drawing process like?

Oh jeez. Long. Once I have an idea I’m pretty eager to start on it asap, I collect a lot of references for what I’m thinking googling model poses, random band member candids, or taking weird self timer pics of myself posing in my kitchen and then cut and paste and collage them into something close enough to what I want and then kind of draw a “skeleton” over all of that just to save a couple hours, but that process still usually takes me about 2-3 hours to get it perfect. The piece I’m working on right now has a lot of little pieces in it and that part of the process took ten hours alone. Then I have a line drawing that I block base colors into, lock all of those, and then kind of fully render out each part at a time- skin, hair, shirt, pants, accessories, whatever else. I spend a good 75% of that process going “AHHHHH I DON’T KNOW IF THIS IS WORKING,” and then somehow it all comes together in the end. Sometimes depending on the piece, I’ve liked finding random stock images to kind of overlay in the background, it makes him feel so much more real and lifelike to me. Lately, the fully rendered stuff I’ve been posting takes anywhere from 12-20 hours of drawing. I tattoo full time 11-7 or later 5 days a week on top of drawing for appointments outside of work and usually only have time to draw for a couple hours at a time, or a little on the weekends so I try to be as efficient as possible.

Do you have a favorite tool for drawing?

I used to do a lot of painting for work and pastel pencil drawings for fun but I switched over to an iPad Pro a few years ago and it’s so much easier to be able to just draw on the couch and not drag out a bunch of materials and make a mess. I use Procreate for work and for fandom art.

Do you have any tips for drawing clothes?

Using references or making your own references to take pictures of! They’re a relief to get to because they don’t need to be perfect, unlike a face that is very anxiety inducing so don’t overthink it.

What has been your favorite project so far?

I really, really love the one I’m working on right now, I don’t know if I’ll post it (and if you’re reading this after Valentine’s Day you may have already seen it) because it’s a gift but it’s been the most fun and silly and therapeutic. But I love any “Eddie with an occupation” or AU moment, doing the baseball AU drawings for @brock-eddie was so much fun and I love how they turned out.

What has been your hardest project so far?

The Christmas Steddie one was kind of a pain in the ass because it took so long and had so many more little parts than just drawing one character, but I was happy with how it turned out. There’s a couple WIPs in my iPad that I would love to finish but they just weren’t turning out how I wanted them, I want to revisit them but I might have to scrap them and start over. Everyone is so nice I’m sure I could post them now and people would be stoked but things have to be perfect or I lay in bed at night and regret posting them for literally weeks.

Have you ever had a creative block?

Not really for coming up with ideas, but finding the energy to sit down and draw after working all day is hard sometimes. I have a weird thing where I don't want to draw for a little bit, I have to be in the headspace to work for at least 2-3 hours at a time or I just won't do it.

Is there a big source of inspiration for you? Books? Art? Games?

UGH, BEIN IN LOVE. Being a weird alt girl in Indiana. Eddie is so my type and for the first time I had a huge crush on a character that I felt like I could be his type too. I’m a tattooer going to metal shows in my free time in 🤠Waynedale, Indiana🤠, it is so easy to picture him living in my town and going the same places I do and through art I can make him real. There are so many talented writers on here who have brought him to life and I love and am inspired to draw by the fics that really flesh out the fact that he’s so earnest and has all these deeper feelings but he’s still a ding dong twentyish year old boy doing ding dong twentyish year old boy things. @jo-harrington's store manager verse, @wheels-of-despair's Evil Woman fics, and @courtingchaos's writings all fill me with DEEP, ACHING YEARNING for a boy like him, and no matter how sucky and unimpressive dudes in real life are, they make him so nice and funny, and I can dress him up however I want and draw him from the viewer’s perspective and there is something so therapeutic and comforting about that. I’ve been through a lot of dumb and mildly traumatizing stuff the last couple of years and reading fanfic again and drawing fanart has brought me so much peace and happiness in all of it.

What's your favorite way to get comments or interactions on your art?

I’m always really excited to finish a piece and get to post it here ASAP just to see everyone’s reactions. I’m so proud of the work that gets put into them but I’m never going to post them on a more public forum like my Instagram, I do them for myself and for the little group of people here I know it’ll bring joy to and it’s really fun to share that joy with everyone. When I’m sad, I go through the tags in the reblogs because people are so funny and sweet about them.

Is there an upcoming project you're particularly excited about?

Nothing specific right now, I’m about to get really busy with real work so I may have to slow down a little. I get a lot of ideas around the holidays/seasons changing because I love the more themed drawings, so after Valentine’s Day hopefully I’ll have some cute spring ideas to work on! I always like getting requests to see what people are wanting to see. I can’t always get to them because of work but sometimes they spark ideas for bigger projects.

Is there anything we forgot to ask?

I don’t think so! Love you all so much, for real. Time to write and draw more Eddie stomping out fascist weirdos. The world really sucks right now but everyone contributing to this fandom is creating a positive space and helping us get away from it all, I am so grateful for all of the talented people here for making life more bearable right now.

[reysdriver]

Hey darlin'! I just saw your one-shots and i REALLY love them!! I need morr about Eddie with Hopper!Reader <33 Please!! A fluff or a smut where the Reader have to deal with her father. Hope you can answer. Have a nice day!! ✨️

-🩷

You and Eddie try to have a chill night in, but it's difficult when you have the world's most paranoid chief of police as a father — eddie x fem!hopper!reader fluff

warnings: none

words: 1.2k

a/n: thanks for submitting a request! I'm sorry it took so long, I've been so busy lately, and I'm sorry I couldn't figure out how to end it lmao but I really hope you like this fic!!

Even though your dad knew about you and Eddie dating, he was definitely not as okay with it as you would have hoped, but honestly more than you had expected. 

He had met Eddie a few times since he found out you were in romantic cahoots with the familiar criminal, and despite your fears, they had gotten along quite well despite their history and their differences. But no matter how many things they actually had in common, no father would fully trust Eddie Munson to be alone with his little girl. 

“Door open three inches!” Your dad called from the couch. “You know the rules!”

You rolled your eyes, standing up from the bed to open the door to Hopper’s liking. 

The door was open three inches, and you swore that it was the draft causing the door to move slightly, but you knew your dad would never believe you. 

“Seriously, Dad?” You asked him. 

“Rules are rules.” He confirmed. “If you don’t like it, then the boyfriend can go.”

You let out a heavy, dramatic sigh before returning to your boyfriend, who was currently sketching out a Dungeons and Dragons character based on you for his new campaign. 

Eddie looked up from his paper when you sat back down next to him. “You can do a lot with three inches, you know?”

You put a finger over his mouth—which he playfully tried to bite—and you shushed him while holding back a laugh at his incredibly stupid, albeit funny, joke. 

“He’s gonna hear you, and he’s gonna drag you out of here. Keep drawing.”

He put the finishing touches on his design, then let out a sound of satisfaction over it before turning the notebook so you could see it better. 

“I think I did pretty good.” Your boyfriend proclaimed. “She’s almost as pretty as you.”

Oh, how you lucked out with this mysterious dork. You thanked him by pressing a quick kiss on his cheek before your dad became suspicious of you two once again. 

“You think I should get it as some ink?” Eddie asked you. 

“Like, you want to get it tattooed?”

Eddie nodded, eyes going back and forth between you and the cartoon version of you that he just made. 

“Absolutely not.” You replied. 

“What? Why not? Do you not love me enough to let me tattoo you on me?”

He was ridiculous, staring at you with big, fake puppy dog eyes and a pleading lip. 

“Of course I love you, but as your girlfriend, I also need to stop you from doing stupid things.”

“What if I keep your tattoo separate from the creepy skulls and spiders?”

Well, that was an offer you almost couldn’t refuse. Even though it was tempting, you would never let him know that he can get to you like that, so you played it cool.

“Ask me again in a year.”

His face erupted into a devilish smile and he held his hands to his chest like a cartoon character in love. 

“I’m getting a tramp stamp of my girlfriend in a year!”

Before you could protest his proclamation, he pulled you into his arms in what you hoped was just a teasing gesture rather than a genuine expression of excitement for something you were certainly not going to let happen. 

Just a second later, your dad cleared his throat very pointedly, which practically frightened you out of your boyfriend’s arms. 

“El wants to watch a movie.” He announced. “Come watch with us.”

You sat up and shook your head lightly. “Um, no thanks, Dad. We’ll pass on that.”

Your dad raised an eyebrow and looked at Eddie’s arm around your waist. “You have something better to do?”

It was at that point that you knew him telling you about your sister and the movie was an order, not an invitation. You bit the inside of your cheek and luckily, Eddie spoke up before you could say something snarky. 

“A movie sounds great, chief. Count us in.”

“Good.” Hopper said curtly before turning around to the living room. 

Eddie stood up and started teasingly pulling you off the bed. You laid down and let out an annoyed groan, resisting his attempts to move you. 

“C’mon, babe, movie time.” Eddie encouraged. 

“It’s just gonna be The Wild Bunch. That’s one of their favourite movies and I know El’s been wanting to see it again lately.” You mumbled. “I’d much rather stay here with you.”

“Well, your dad might never let me back in your house if he thinks I’m trying anything with his daughter in the other room, so we have to. Plus, I like The Wild Bunch too.”

Your face formed an exaggerated frown as you finally got up off the bed. 

Eddie smiled and escorted you to the living room. And although you had just started to build up excitement within you for this movie night, it already got worse. 

El was in her favourite recliner—the VHS case for The Wild Bunch was on her lap, you called it—but your dad had plopped himself down in the exact middle of the couch. Not only did you have to watch a movie with your family instead of chilling with your boyfriend, but you couldn’t even sit next to him because your dad hates the idea of you having fun. 

Before you knew it, you were in a full on stare-down with the Hawkins chief of police. 

“Take a seat.” He said passive aggressively. 

“I want to sit next to Eddie, Dad. Could you move over?”

He shook his head. “I’m not falling for any of your tricks. I was a teenager once.”

“Yeah, like a thousand years ago.” You mumbled. 

The comment was quiet but your dad still heard it. 

“Careful, any attitude and I’ll assume it came from the moron and he won’t be allowed back in the house.”

You looked over at Eddie with a defeated expression on your face. He looked back at you, sympathetic and willing to comply—the latter was a complete switch from his normal mood.

Your boyfriend understood completely why your dad was worried about you and Eddie dating, but that didn’t mean he was happy about it. Of course, Eddie was willing to do whatever he could to seem like the boyfriend every parent would want for their daughter—he really was, some people just couldn’t look past the exterior shell to see it—so he held his tongue and went along with anything. 

The two of you sat down on opposite sides of the couch, separated by your relentless father. 

“Alright, El, play the movie.” Hopper said. 

He then leaned back and kept his eyes on the television in front of you all. 

Eddie soon caught your gaze from across the couch, and he stretched his arm behind his head, oh so conveniently placing it a few inches from your shoulder.

You grinned at him, keeping it subtle, and took his hand in yours. 

The two of you watched the rest of the film like that, holding hands in that slightly uncomfortable way, and the night wasn’t as insufferable as it seemed like it was going to be. All thanks to Eddie, of course.

[becausebuckley]

michelle's buddie fic recs: week 49!

oh, how time flies... i can't believe the end of the year is this close already! not a massive fan of that, not gonna lie, but i am a fan of all of these fics, so let's focus on that, shall we?

this is a mix of fics with all ratings, so some include NSFW content. please take a look at both the ratings and the fic tags before reading! some might also contain spoilers for season 8.

if you come across something you like in this list, remember to show some love to the author by leaving kudos and a comment!

built a house in the middle of your chest | LongConvolutedSimiles | 5.3k | M

Five times Buck and Eddie touch platonically plus one time they realise it's not platonic at all. i do love a good platonic-to-not-platonic-touching type fic and this hit the spot so perfectly <3

carpe diem | writingcap/@gibuckaroo | 2.6k | GA

Eddie rests his head on Buck’s shoulder and he lets himself follow. eddie's love language might be physical touch but my love language is reading about physical touch <3 so good!!

everything is fine (everything is perfect) | Kwills91/@kwills91| 4.1k | GA

Buck gets sick and Eddie takes care of him. Then Eddie bares his soul and Buck takes care of him. Because that's what they do. because that's what they do!! i love how they take care of each other here, written so perfectly <3

hen wilson's four part guide to making your stupid friends date | songbvrd/@songbvrd | 25k | M

When Buck and Eddie aren't speaking, Hen decides to take matters into her own hands. outsider pov!! hen wilson!! buddie being idiots in love!! what else could a girl (me) want (nothing) <3

i can tell just what you want (you don't want to be alone) | Talls/@tallsinspace | 12.6k | E

In which Eddie keeps secrets and Buck is incredibly normal and rational and even brave about his reaction to this. buck being so normal and rational and brave is my absolute favourite <3 love his inner dialogue here!

i don't swim and you're not in love | hattalove/@hattalove | 32.4k | T

eddie cooks, chris domesticates a slug, and buck tries to figure out why he hates his best friend's girlfriend. to everyone's immense shock and surprise, it goes badly. blanket rec for an author whose work i've really been loving this week <3 been making my way through hattalove's entire profile and having such a good time. this one in particular has such a delightful buck and such lovely buddie and all of the yearning!!

i have had enough of crime | lamardeuse/@lamardeuse | 8.1k | T

Josh's view of Eddie's journey in 8A and beyond through the gay Olympic sport of competitive brunching. this fic captures josh so so perfectly and the josh & eddie dynamic is just brilliant <3

i should be pushing daisies | 42hrb/@exhuastedpigeon | 5.5k | T

Eddie goes to Texas to fix things with Chris and Buck pines. pining buck <3 this is such a brilliant character study and i love it so very much!!

practice makes perfect | greenbergsays/@greenbergsays | 6.5k | E

When the subject of Buck 1.0 arises, Buck worries that the reminder will make Eddie rethink their relationship. Eddie reassures him. oh my this is such a perfect way of buck 1.0 coming up in buddie fics... genuinely unmatched i saw the ao3 email in my inbox and audibly gasped. so good!!

properly | EiraLloyd/@unlifeira | 3.9k | T

“’ve got it, Eds,” someone murmured close to his ear in a way that made him shiver, and oh, that was Buck’s voice. Eddie would know him anywhere. This time, his questioning noise sounded a little more like a hum. “‘ve got it,” Buck repeated, attempting to truly drive in the message. “Y’can sleep in.” this is the loveliest mutual pining/sharing a bed/misunderstandings fic ever <3 honestly everything this author writes is just incredible, i know i'm in good hands when i see her name pop up

somethings said (to turn you inside out) | taegyungie | 12.2k | E

Buck catches Eddie on Grindr and now he can't stop thinking about it. i need ALL of the buck and eddie on grindr fics honestly they always hit the spot <3 this is hot and perfect and so so good!!

the arms of the ocean | anatargmova/@anatargmova | 9.7k | T

after Christopher leaves with his grandparents, Buck notices just how much touch-starved Eddie is — and decides to fix it. listen okay we all know by now how much i love a fic about touch starvation. however what you might not know is that i especially love a fic about touch-starved eddie. and this one has exactly that, but is also buck POV, which is just incredibly well-written and so soft and lovely and feels like a hug <3

trade all my tomorrows | ipretendtobesane/@userbuddie | 74k | E

Buck’s the god of love and was cursed to never fall for anyone, Eddie’s just trying to explore his newfound queerness with someone he trusts, striking up a friends with benefits agreement is the perfect arrangement. this is hands down the most beautiful fic i've read in a long long time. it's so well-written, so fleshed-out, just so good! i'll be rereading this many many times, i just know it <3

[autumnbrambleagain]

Favourite caves of qud mods? I wanna dive in and fully mod my game

I don't have the energy to turn these into hyperlinks so you have to do the work of typing these names into the workshop and finding them, I apologize that I am not apologizing.

Hearthpyre and the Clever Girl Fork are obvious necessities. Starapple Valley and Regrowing Plants and Qud Fishing is on that list too for being able to make your own imprint on the world. With how the uh, story's themes go, I am even more feeling validated in my decision to spend most of the game building bases and farming and stuff.

Dynamic Background Color because I don't even remember what the game looks like without it anymore. I think I use the More Dots mod too.

Allography lets you add descriptions to things, including yourself, which is great.

1 Percent Loot Drops adds a ton of neat, very balanced items.

Cleaning Robots lets you have robots that clean fluids and I honestly just wish one in on EVERY settlement so they don't become giant messes after one visit. Indispensable mod.

Choose Your Fighter is good if you aren't a lunatic like me who just makes your own phenotypes and sprites and pets and dialogue for every character you play.

Jademouth is what I would argue to be the best, most diegetically natural town mod in the game. It adds very little to the world outside of itself, and adds a very much needed mid-game town with a fun quest and good characters. None of the writing feels out of place, it doesn't add encounters all over the map, it keeps to its own lane and does an great job of it.

Cryptogeology is an incredibly good quest which helps guide you to each town in the game naturally, has a ton of flavor, and a really decent reward. It feels like a natural part of the game.

Tealeaves adds a much-needed merchant to the Six Day Stilt who is also very well written and lets you get a chance at Newly Sentient Beings rep.

Issachari Evolved adds much needed variety to that faction.

Nightmare Treats gives you a lot more ways to reroll mutations, AND ways to gain mental stats. Eat them. It's safe. Nothing bad will happen.

Wired Child is a fun mid-late stage quest in Ezra that gets you a VERY nice weapon if you can manage it.

Return of the Arcwyrk. You need more enemies in your life. zzzap.

Knife Fights at Eddy's is mandatory, I'm sorry I don't make the rules.

A Specter is Haunting Qud adds some VERY nasty enemies and you deserve to be killed by them. Things should be scarier. Get scared. Basically Templar Hologram Wraith Knights but they're Eater ghosts. Fucked up! I won't tell you how to beat them figure it out yourself.

Village Finder because I hate the "go to each parasang and press + and then -" when looking for villages. Am I that dumb my character can't notice villages when walking through them.

Folk Scrap and Mundanity. Mandatory. Very flavorful.

Baboons of Babel adds much needed variety to baboon faction.

Judicators of Qud add a fun neat challenging robot who is kind of like if a leering stalker and a feral lah had a baby that wasn't the sum of its parts but something all its own.

Disjecta Membra's lore feels a little out of sync with 1.0, and it makes the game a giant mess. So basically, enemies can be infected, and when they die things get Interesting. It can cause huge problems and it's a fucking mess. It can make Call to Arms an unworkable disaster and Templar historical sites become unmanageable. I love it. I cannot play without it. It makes the game so much more challenging and stressful, especially in the early/midgame. The writing is fucking incredible even if its flavor doesn't line up exactly right anymore. Do not do this on your first playthrough but after your first playthrough install this and suffer with me forever. This might be my favorite new-content mod tbh.

Your Own Personal Relics is a neat adjustment to the Item Naming system which honestly I just wish-name things when I mod them to max anyway but it's neat.

Feline's Furnishings are good tiles.

Fluid Storage is great and the Klein Bottles are fantastic and putting 500 drams in their weightless moebius will never go wrong for you ever.

I think that should do you with the unimax's share of the mods I use!

Sidenote, Eule does a lot of mods that are Very Cool but also last time I used them they had a problem of all of them would spawn things in the jungle, so with all of them active every jungle screen would have like, their populations taken over by all the Argent Somethingorother and the Unseen Adversaries and the Arboreta Guys. None of them work with 1.0 anyway I don't think, and the mods ARE very high quality! But their spawn rates were extremely overpowering to the point where the jungle was basically just entirely made of those 3 factions and it was a Bit Much.

I'm also about to try out the Labyrinthine Trail and Xeototin Mechanical Somethingorother for the first time but I haven't done them yet so i have no comment.

Also Facial Equipment Diversity is neat too.

[whineandcheese24]

hot take: 8x05 was not actually a good episode

it was certainly an enjoyable episode, and it's definitely my favorite episode of the season so far. but if you take off the shipping goggles for a second and just actually analyze the content, it's not great.

Hen and Karen's argument is entirely contrived, and shouldn't be an argument they're having after several years of Hen being a married paramedic. And while Aisha, Tracie, and Declan's performances were outstanding, the whole arc of Denny almost dying felt entirely out of place with the rest of the largely goofy and unserious episode.

Athena's arc I absolutely hated. I have issues with how Athena treats kids that I'm not going to get into right now, but the way she treated those girls was incredibly unfair given that they weren't even the ones who ran into Denny. This show has a habit of making genz (not kids, specifcally genz culture) the butt of so many jokes, and as a genz kid, it's not that funny. if this arc was to teach kids about the dangers of doing dumb teenager shit, they absolutely went about it in the wrong way

and as for Buck and Tommy's arc. it was super fun and super cute, but why is it just Buck, Tommy, and Eddie? Buck gets cursed with a dislocated shoulder and boils and no one else seems to care? I don't remember super well, but I do know that Bobby, Hen, and Chim, weren't super involved in that arc.

when the episode started I thought to myself "this is gonna be like another jinx (4x06) episode". Jinx is one of, if not, my favorite episode of the show because of the fun firefam dynamics and the silliness of it all. but what made it work was the cohesiveness. all of the characters are involved in the plot together as a unit. Eddie has his own little thing going on on the side, but it doesn't take away from his role as part of the firefam. and while the episode does get a bit more serious and dramatic towards the end, it maintains a steady silly atmosphere the whole way that feels, again, much more cohesive.

also, with jinx, the title makes sense. masks kind of makes sense because it's halloween, and buck has the whole boils thing going on, but the title is largely unrelated. I mean, wouldn't it make more sense for an episode titled Masks to relate to how Eddie is masking his trauma over Shannon and his sadness at having Chris gone? Or how Bobby is masking his trauma over his nde at the end of last season? Or even how Buck maybe hasn't fully accepted himself as Not Straight? But true to form with this season, there's really no overall theme with the title

8x05 has some really fun and adorable moments, and like I said, it's still my favorite episode of the season. But honestly, it's just because I like Bucktommy. they get a lot of screen time for a cute and funny plot and it's super fun to watch, but the episode as a whole is not really a whole. it's just a bunch of random unrelated one-off arcs strung together around the loose "halloween" theme with no overarching message, moral, or otherwise connector. and doesn't it just say so much that what's considered to be the favorite episode of the season (at least within this section of the fandom) isn't even all that great

[marigoldbaker]

descending into deadlochposting on main i don't even care. this show is SO GOOD. i think the thing that really stuck with me throughout every episode is how committed it is to not fucking up women, and especially women of color, just to have a Plot Point + for Emotional Resonance!!! every woman on this show gets an ending that feels earned. (and yes that does include margaret carruthers.) there is just so much love woven into this narrative but they still manage to capture the grim miserable reality of patriarchy without EVER reducing a female character we care about to a Murder Victim or having her horrifically brutalized as an ending!!!! like holy shit, guys, it's actually fucking possible! you can create horror blended perfectly with humor and never actually fuck women over!!!

and yeah actually as a woc it felt really fucking good to watch a show where i got to see women of color (aleyna and tammy and sharelle and miranda and faye my beloved <333) just thrive and be silly and stupid and terrible and also lovable. and also, oh my god, revolutionary, NOT GET MURDERED, even though this is literally a fckin murder show!!! i said to my dad like midway through the series that i just got this sense the show understood how goddamn hard it is to watch television sometimes waiting for that character you love, who looks like you and has life experiences that resonate with you, to get killed, or to be treated like she's not important, and how dedicated it is to not just killing off women for shock value. every woman in this show mattered and had meaning and dimension.

because seriously, SO MANY INCREDIBLE WOMEN!!! abby with her perfect little haircut driving off into the sunset saying Of Course She Knows She's Right About Forensics. aleyna and her husband, her whole heart!!!! vanessa who in a lesser show would have been reduced to The Bad Woman, The Bigot, but we are shown how she has been abused and mistreated by men and how that's so informed her perspective + her genuine love for her son! sharelle who lays down the hard truths, who calls them out -- "all this civility but no fucking community" !!! miranda who learns that she doesn't want blood money from a woman who looks down on her cousin! tammy who is literally just all about that footy club the entire time even as men are being murdered and that's honestly so real of her. skye o'dwyer who perfectly captures that Emotionally Unavailable Dad energy except she's a lesbian and i love her. nadiyah who is Trying Her Best :) And Gritting Her Teeth About It :) faye who has no god damn patience for margaret carruthers and all kinds of blunt determined love for her niece and her daughter. vic who throws herself under the bus because she's just so determined to protect anyone she can after the women in this town protected her and kept her secret for so long!!! cath who parents her emotions and is definitely relentless in her guilting but also so relentless in her love. MARGARET CARRUTHERS WHO EXEMPLIFIES SHITTY RICH WHITE WOMAN. and of fucking course, the legends, the buddy-cop duo of all time, dulcie and eddie, who are just perpetually going around like this

except it's not even working because eddie chewed the leash off.

favorite show of the year by far. so so happy about it. rotating it joyfully in my brain for the next week, probably longer.

[nerdy-frog98]

Okay I’ve had several days to think about it, and I’m not upset about Eddie’s cheating storyline anymore.

Nobody asked, but HERE’S why.

Eddie is an incredibly traumatized character. The military experiences (+ his dead friends), losing his wife so suddenly & without closure, and a couple near death experiences will do that to you! Add that to parents trying to take his child away ON TOP OF feeling like he needs to give Christopher a mother at any and all costs…? Maybe a little bit of Catholic guilt sprinkled in there too.

Season 5 was not my favorite for a myriad of reasons, but one thing I did like about it was Eddie’s complete mental breakdown. It felt like a long time coming... BUT. His mental breakdown didn’t even really scratch the surface of his issues, and there are still a lot of things he needs to face before he can truly be at peace. One of those things is Shannon.

The effect that Shannon’s loss had on Eddie has, in my opinion, never been explored properly. We got a little of it in season 3 with the illegal fighting, and then hints of it again when he was with Ana, but it never felt like closure to me. It felt like season 6 tried to give him closure (through Marisol), but it wasn’t satisfying because it was more or less a duller version of what happened with Ana. “Moving on” for his sake, but with no real emotional repercussions. Maybe this is just a personal opinion, but his story has felt like a ticking time bomb to me since the moment he broke up with Ana. His breakdown in s5 wasn’t the real bomb though.

Now imagine being Eddie, a guy with a lot of unresolved guilt and feelings for a woman who died right in front of him. Imagine you see a woman with that dead wife’s exact face. I can honestly say I have no fucking clue what I would do in his position. What he did- erasing Marisol in his first conversation with this lookalike Kim, then later lying to Buck to meet up with Kim- is morally not okay. Sure. Would any of us act in a rational way though?

I’m not meaning to justify cheating, but I do genuinely believe this is one of the only ways that stubborn ass was going to figure out his issues in a way that might actually help him move on. He’s being delusional with Kim, and once the ball drops, I believe there’s a great big breakdown waiting for him on the other end.

People often accuse Eddie of being the most boring of the 118, and I hate that assessment so goddamn much. Eddie is probably one of theee most complex characters (besides Buck) in the entire show. He’s self-destructive, kind, loyal, patient and impatient- he’s a good father and a good friend, and he’s FLAWED. That is why I love him so much.

My initial disappointment with him partially stems from me wanting him to have a singular season of PEACE, which…I realized wasn’t possible without blowing up the bomb first (would’ve preferred to disarm the bomb but I’ll take what I can get).

[steveharringtonat3am]

Nails

wc: 883

warnings: some adorable bf eddie

“Your room is so cute.” Eddie sighs happily, cuddling into your pillows. You watch him from your seat at your desk, smiling at his antics.

“It’s pretty normal babe.” You grab your nail polish remover, beginning to take off the two week old polish from your nails. He slides off your bed and grabs his bag and starts taking out all of his things.

“What are you doing?” You ask, turning to watch him as you rub the acetone-coated cotton on your nails.

“Painting dnd miniatures.” He smiles, setting up and tying his hair back into a bun. The sight always makes your heart flutter. His bangs have been getting in his eyes recently and you make a mental note to trim them for him.

“I didn’t know you do that.” You grab your nail polish materials and sit across from him on the floor.

“I like to touch them up so they look extra nice!” They look even tinier in his hands, using a tiny paintbrush to gently paint the little statues.

“Which one are you painting now?” You can’t help but be curious. Even though dnd was a big part of Eddie’s life, you could never get into it. You knew he didn’t mind but you know he likes being able to talk about it with you.

“This is the female wizard. I actually based her character off you. She’s so beautiful that it causes the characters to get distracted during battle.” Leave it to Eddie Munson to be incredibly romantic while talking about dungeons and dragons.

“That one looks really pretty.” With the polish off your nails, you let yourself focus on Eddie’s skillful hands painting with a tiny brush.

“I’m glad you think so.” He kisses your forehead quickly before going back to painting. His tongue sticks out as he focuses. You lay on your stomach next to him, propped up on your hand.

“Do you paint all of these?” You hold up another one and he takes it, cleaning off his brush and starts to paint it.

“Pretty much yeah. It’s actually really relaxing.” It’s so precise that it almost makes you nervous, but he does seen happy.

“That makes sense!” You stay quiet for a while after that. It’s honestly nice to just sit and be with Eddie in silence. He always liked to be talking while doing something with his hands, which was always. But he was so focused that he was quiet, and it was nice to just watch and admire how pretty he is.

“There! Done!” He finally sets the last one down, jolting you awake.

“Th-that’s great babe!” You yawn, curling up in his lap. He smiles and runs a hand over your hair.

“You can’t fall asleep on the floor babe.”

“I can’t fall asleep. Have to paint my nails.” You pout, not nearly in the mood for an activity requiring that much effort.

“I could paint them for you?” He offers, ever the gentleman.

“You don’t know how to paint nails babe.” You peak an eye at him to see him look at you with a funny look on his face.

“I just painted like 20 tiny statues. I think I can handle your nails.” He grins as you sit up against the side of your bed.

“That makes sense…let me file them first yeah?” He nods, handing you the metal file and watching as you shape your nails, blowing them off when you’re done.

“Can I paint them now?” He’s very eager, already opening up your bottle of red polish.

“Sure babe just make sure not to put too much.” He wipes off some of the excess paint, taking your hand and precisely painting your nail. His first try is practically perfect, the coat of paint looking as good as they do in the salon.

“Wow baby you’re really good at this.” He only hums in response. When it came to you, Eddie never left things half-finished. Honestly, you had expected him to get bored halfway through but he painted every nail with incredible precision.

“Is that good?” He asks once the first coat is on. Sure enough, it looks better than ever.

“It’s perfect babe. Now we just let it dry!” You smile, finally able to squirm into his lap. He grins as he pulls you close.

“How long does that usually take?”

“Well it isn’t too thick so shouldn’t take longer than 20 minutes. But until then I can’t touch them, or the polish will smudge.” You keep your hands extended as you relax against his chest.

“Okay baby. Hey did I tell you about what happened today at work? This dude came in-” He launches into an animated story but the warmth of his arms has already begun to lull you to sleep.

An hour later and Eddie’s back is really starting to ache from sitting on the floor. But wow you look adorable when you sleep. He reaches out to inspect your nails, touching them gently to check if they’re dry. Sure enough they are and he smiles, kissing your forehead.

Maybe painting all those miniatures paid off.

[steddieunderdogfics]

This week’s writer spotlight feature is: @thisusernameisunavailable01! Thisusernameisunavailable has 85 fics in the Stranger Things fandom on AO3 and 69 of them are in the Steddie tag!

@dame-zoom-a-lot recommends the following works by @thisusernameisunavailable01:

blue skies over suburbia

friday night bible study

be kind & rewind (the only prison I see here is time

dumb, delusional, and maybe a little desperate

it came from beneath Hawkins Lab

"I have yet to read a scene in their fics that didn't end up sticking with me in some way. If you look at their catalog, you'll see so many different kinks, so many AUs, so many degrees of angst. And they're all incredible.

"They don't only write taboo / dead dove subjects. But when they do, they're so good at showing both the appeal of dead dove fantasies, and what the consequences would look and feel like in real life. I have a lot of squeaks, but I'll always at least give my squeak a try if they wrote about it. It's like watching a masterfully crafted train wreck-- beautiful, bleak, and something I just can't look away from." -- @dame-zoom-a-lot

Below the cut, @thisusernameisunavailable01 answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!

Why do you write Steddie?

I have been a fan of Stranger Things since season one. Steve has always been my favorite character, but he never had a ship that stuck with me quite like Steddie. Once I started writing, I couldn't really stop and it brought me back to Fandom culture, which makes it even more enjoyable to create. 

What’s your favorite trope to READ?

I actually don't think I have favorite. I will read almost anything if it's Steddie. I guess I can be a sucker for fix its, and I do like when there are sci-fi/upside down elements to a story too. I like a little of everything. 

What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?

Oh, I have a lot. Strangers or even Enemies to Lovers is probably my favorite. I also enjoy writing Eddie how I really see him-, charming, in his own way, but a little socially inept and awkward around Steve. Also, liking steddie has enabled me to explore so many crossovers and that has been fun too.

What’s your favorite Steddie fic?

I have so many. The first steddie fic I ever read, I still love is & it's- that's one romantic poltergeist by appledagger. My newest favorite is from this year's bb- It's Only Forever by Hbyrde.

Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?

I'm writing omegaverse for the first time, if that counts. It's fun so far 💖

What is your writing process like?

Honestly, I have ADHD. My process is usually…get an idea, write obsessively about the idea until it's done, or procrastinate for several months until I'm finished with it. Sometimes projects die off and never see the light of day ever again (unfortunate)

Do you have any writing quirks?

I write complete first drafts using only my phone.

Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?

My schedule is more like…post three chapters back to back…sit on the rest for 8 months (apologies)

Which fic are you most proud of?

The benefit of not wanting to run away this time. It's older steddie and I put way too many pieces of myself into it, but it is definitely still my favorite project.

How did you get the idea for it came from beneath Hawkins Lab?

I love old sci-fi and horror movies. I also always wanted to write Eddie coming back as a monster. The trope was something I had loved since I first started reading steddie fics, but every time I started one it never came out right. So while I was watching a movie one day I ended up writing the whole opening scene to the fic and in my head, I imagined it in the style of an old horror movie, in black and white. Then it was my entry into the big bang that year, which made me actually finish it.

When writing it came from beneath Hawkins Lab, what was something you didn’t expect?

The fact that at first I had written Eddie as Kas or at least as a vampire. That changed during the writing process and he ended up being more like a Frankenstein esque monster.

What inspired dumb, delusional, and maybe a little desperate?

My insatiable love for Steve Harrington…I feel like most of my PwPs could be derived from that very same reason.

What was your favorite part to write from be kind & rewind (the only prison I see here is time)?

Exes To lovers never gets enough hype and I also got to write a little platonic Eddie and Chrissy, which I adore. I guess I just liked making the boys fall back in love again.

How do/did you feel writing friday night bible study?

Haha…it was a sequel to my kinktober/PriestSteve fic and honestly, I feel like we all need more Priest Steve.

What was the most difficult part of writing blue skies over suburbia?

Setting up the scenes. It's told from Steve's POV but he is an unreliable narrator. You are never really sure if what he's describing is accurate, but you start to believe it too because of Eddie's not so sweet characterization. At the end, even I was asking what just happened.

Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?

Anything under the tag crack treated seriously…also writing Eddie's inner thoughts gives me pure joy. I also loved the AIM chatspeak scenes I wrote for this year's bb fic. 

Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?

Sure! for anyone who enjoys #metaldeputy (Eddie Munson × Gator Tillman crossover) I'm currently posting soothe, which is a 4 part omegaverse piece. I'm also working on finishing the sleaze series & hope to post another #metaldeputy series around Christmas time. For good ol steddie, I already have a very classic, sharing the bed trope fic planned for the holidays. 

Thank you to our author, @thisusernameisunavailable01, and our nominator, @dame-zoom-a-lot! See more of Thisusernameisunavailable's works featured on our page throughout the day!

Writer’s Spotlight is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!

[littlegaybean1]

Another Life is actually driving me insane.

It's been FOUR DAYS since I watched it and every time I think about it (so like, every half an hour) I think of more things that make it such an incredible episode!!!

Firstly it's Buck in a coma. Obviously I'm going to love it. He's almost dead! He was dead, for three minutes and seventeen seconds at least. Therefore, naturally, this episode automatically became one of my favourites.

Then there's the tiny morsels of Buddie content. It's not prevalent here, which I actually like because it focuses on another relationship that I've also been waiting for for so long. However, in his approximately two minutes of screen time, Eddie does manage to give me just enough content for my ship obsessed mind to work with. I mean, come on. Responding with "Do more!" to "we'll do our best" is absolutely going to make me go slightly feral. He has about four lines and that's one of them. It could easily have been any of them, especially Bobby considering where the episode goes, but it was Eddie. No notes, chef's kiss.

Also the section with Christopher? MY HEART. He's already lost so much for someone so young, and Buck is basically family at this point. I'm also reminded of some parallels between Buck and Chris. They are very similar, but you don't really see it all that often. But if you compare young Buck to Christopher, you start to see quite a few connections. They're both unfailingly positive, but Buck's is more of a façade. They also have matching abandonment issues! In an earlier episode that I cannot recall the name of, Chris starts having nightmares and talks about how everyone leaves. Then, in this episode, Christopher is desperate to talk to Buck, to the point where they (probably illegally) sneak him into the room. And the thing that he is so desperate to say is "You have to come back". HELLO!? Did any of the writers ONCE consider that I am entitled to MONETARY COMPENSATION for all the EMOTIONAL PAIN they caused me. Ow!

I love mental construct Chimney and Hen. They're so chill with it, just like "I guess this is happening" and get on with it. They just accepted it, which honestly I think is somewhat accurate. They're definitely the most relaxed characters (with near death experiences of their loved ones notwithstanding).

Mental construct Bobby is the funniest thing, whilst also being somewhat emotionally devastating. He's off the rails. He's dead. He's a ghost. He's giving the deepest life advice ever. Buck's mind is honestly so weird and I love him for it.

Then there's the bit I hated (it was really clever and so good). Doug.

Oh my god. The reaction I had to seeing that evil creature. Honestly well done to the writers and the actor for making me immediately hate him so much after not seeing him for like four seasons. It was actually horrifying, the implications that if Daniel had lived, if their family had stayed together, Maddie would have had nowhere to run to. It's almost bittersweet, knowing that in another life the Buckley parents were caring and attentive, but with it came something so awful. I hope Doug Kendall is rotting in hell <3

And here's something I only noticed about a day after watching: the biggest negative impacts were on the people that Buck loves the most. Because this was all in his mind, designed to trap him there. Something that has been established is that Buck is, as I think Bobby(?) said, "the guy who wants to fix things". Buck could never be content somewhere that he was idle. In this life he isn't a firefighter, so he needs problems to occupy him. Therefore, the four people that he loves most are the ones that have the biggest problems.

First - Maddie.

Buck and Maddie's relationship is shown throughout the seasons, especially in Buck Begins and the build up to that. They have always been incredibly close, because they didn't have anyone else to rely on. So in the tempting, coma world, Maddie is still with Doug. She never escaped from her abusive marriage, and in this one she even has a child to add to the situation. Buck's first instinct as to what to do to get out of here is to find something to fix. The first thing he thinks of is Maddie and Doug.

Second - Eddie and Christopher.

Even though neither of them have actually said it yet (which is criminal) Buck and Eddie are very obviously best friends. Their relationship is incredibly strong, as is Buck's relationship with Christopher. He's almost like Buck's own child, or at least a nephew. I think most people can also see romantic chemistry between Buck and Eddie. Therefore, it makes a lot of sense to have something go terribly wrong in the coma world. A large part of Eddie's character is his love for Christopher, and how he's trying so hard to be the best father he can be whilst balancing his dangerous job and the problems that he inherited from his parents and his broken marriage. So in this mental world, they have been separated. Buck needs to fix Eddie and Christopher, because Eddie cannot be the Eddie that Buck loves without Chris, and Christopher cannot be the kid Buck loves without his father.

Third - Bobby.

Oh my gosh. Even though I knew that it was only in Buck's mind, it still hurt so much. Bobby died without Buck there. He died!!! Without Buck there to take care of, annoy him and generally love him and be loved by him, Bobby never built the bonds he did with the 118. You can see right from the start the very paternal relationship that Bobby has with Buck, which this episode only confirms. I wouldn't say that Buck lost his parents, because you can't really lose what you never had. He never had parents (I am ignoring their redemption arc because I disagree with it. Sue me.). Bobby lost his children, but he never stopped being a father. He became someone's father again with May and Harry, but before that he became Buck's father. It makes so much sense for him to die. Because in the coma world, Buck has parents. Parents who have always loved and cared for him. So in this reality, Buck would never have needed another father. Buck can still remember his relationship with Bobby, and would never be able to replicate it in the coma world. It would be a push factor, something taunting him - there's a man out there, whom you love like a parent, who never even knew you. So Bobby dies. He's nothing but a ghost, nothing physical that can drive Buck out of this paradise reality.

Philip and Margaret Buckley. WHEN I CATCH YOU PHILIP AND MARGARET BUCKLEY.

Buck considered staying. He considered staying in the coma world, knowing that he would die. He stayed for the chance of having loving parents. All Buck ever wanted was to be part of a family that loved him. In 'reality', the 118 became this family, because his biological family was too broken to count as such. But in the coma, it isn't. His parents are loving and free with their affection, he doesn't have to nearly get himself killed for it. He has the older brother that he never knew, and still has the strong bond with his sister.

And then, we finally got it. There are two things that I have been waiting so long for. One has, unfortunately, still not occurred. But finally, in this episode, they gave us the other!!!

He admitted it!

He confirmed it!

There's no taking it back now!

I am proud to be able to say, with full canon support, that Robert Wade Nash is the adoring father of Evan Buck Buckley.

I'VE WANTED THIS FOR SO LONGGGGG

It's been so obvious from the first goddamn episode. I thank you May Grant for finally getting Bobby to admit that Buck is his son. The familial dynamics in the show might be my favourites, with the entire main cast feeling like a family. However, the most obvious of these has always been Bobby and Buck's father-son relationship. It's beautiful really, how close they are and how Bobby is finally able to admit to everyone, including himself, how deep their relationship is.

There's so much more that I could say, but this has already been so long so I'm going to try and wrap it up with one last thing. My rambles always seem to get away from me lol.

I absolutely loved the conclusion. It being the construct of Bobby to tell Buck how to get out is consistent with the focus of the episode, and shows the regard that Buck has for Bobby. Even in a prison constructed by his own mind to hold him there, Buck still has Bobby to rely on. It's one of the most heartwarming moments in the episode.

And then there's the confrontation or, as I mentally called it, the final boss fight. Daniel. The price of leaving is the loss of his brother, because Daniel only lives in the minds of his family. But that's not who the true enemy is. The enemy was just using his image, a mask to hide behind. I cannot honestly say I was surprised when he was revealed, but it was such a powerful moment when Daniel turned into Buck. Because everything happening inside the coma is Buck. It's all in his mind; the pain, the torment, the loathing. Buck's worst enemy, time and time again, is himself. His self worth issues, his abandonment issues, his self doubt. The final enemy to overcome is the voice in the back of his head, given form and prominence in his comatose state. And it almost wins. But there, on the other side, is everyone who actually loves Buck. The real love, not the kind that his mind imagined. Bobby with his rosary, Christopher sneaking in, Maddie and Chimney, Eddie, Hen, even his parents. They're all there because they love him. Because nobody, nobody at all, can defeat the voice in their mind without help.

Also Buck pulling an axe from absolutely nowhere was just peak escaping. Like yes, go get out of this coma by smashing a window with an axe that you just have because you're a firefighter. You get An Axe.

[strangerthingsfanworkrecs]

Artist Highlight: Jo-Harrington

This week, we're highlighting @jo-harrington! All recs this week will be for her work. @jo-harrington writes for the Stranger Things Fandom, with a special focus on xOC, and xReader fics. She's also a great beta-editor and design all the graphics for her fics! We're highlighting Jo for her incredible world building and strong OCs.

You should check out her Store Manager Verse fics for some great fluff and top-tier retail angst Jo answered some questions about her creative process and her work under the cut

Why Stranger Things?

I’ve been an avid ST Fan since the beginning. My old Store Manager and I watched the first episode in the backroom of our store while folding t-shirts and rest was history. Fic-wise, a certain Metalhead Dungeon Master brought me out of a fanfiction posting hiatus and I haven’t looked back since.

What's your favorite ship (platonic or romantic) to create for?

Platonic is always going to be the Hellfire Club boys. I love writing their adventures. Their friendship is epic and deserves to be explored and celebrated. Romantic…EddiexOC or EddiexReader. I mean, I’ve been an xOC girl since my first fandom. xReader is new for me but it’s almost an extension of xOC. I always joke that I’m allowed ONE epic borbo obsession love of my life per decade and I’ll give them one canon pairing but the rest are OCs.

What's your typical writing process like?

I have an idea, I write it down, I get sick of working on a chapter, I don’t edit, I post. (Which is funny because when I beta, I am a lot more detailed. But for my own work I just need it out of my head.) It might not be the best. It could probably read better or have less typos or mistakes. But it’s always from the heart.

How do you come up with your OCs?

I sit there for a long time and figure out how I can put a part of myself into a story. Oops was I not supposed to say that? Sometimes you think of a character that you just can’t help but want to write. But even if they aren’t a manifestation of your physical self or your personality, they almost always end up being an extension of you in some ways, or something you aspire to be. You also need to add some attributes you hate into them, so that they’re not too perfect and you can throttle them around and make them suffer and not feel too bad/let it become a self hatred thing.

What has been your favorite project so far? Why?

Store Manager Verse. (EMxReader) Retail is who I am and who I’ve always been. I had a mall romance irl that went south. So it was a way to rewrite my past with my comfort character…and also give said comfort character a happy ending as well.

What has been your hardest project so far? Why?

As Above, So Below. (EMxOC) It is a passion project, it is a beast, every chapter takes an emotional toll on me and it takes a month—if not more—to recover. But it has been the single most fulfilling project that I’ve worked on in the 20 years I’ve been writing fanfiction. I've been working on it for about 2 years now. 3 more chapters til the end…I’m gonna be very sad when it’s over.

Have you ever had a creative block? How did you get over it?

My brain is just a beehive that I shake every now and again to get the bees angry. Honestly, the bigger block I get into is self-doubt. I have no problem finding the words, it’s the courage to put them to paper I struggle with at times.

Is there a big source of inspiration for you? Books? Art? Games?

Yes all of the above. But in all seriousness, life experience is the best inspiration. There’s only so much research you can do. Truly for me, the canon characters are the source of inspiration. Then I take from things I’ve done, things I’ve read, places I’ve been in order to take an idea to a fully formed plot.

Is there an upcoming project you're particularly excited about?

Eddie Munson Big Bang. I know you’re gonna hear that a lot. I love creating really ambitious AUs and I think this one is really testing my abilities as a writer. It's a crossover fic, in a way, but with a lot of original plot folded in. I hope I do both fandoms/universes justice.

Is there anything we didn't ask that you'd like to add?

I’m from the Midwest, so thank you for listening to all of my long-winded answers. Haha.

[mc-i-r]

Disposable Heroes

Part one, Part two, Part three, Part four AO3 link

A/N: okay this chapter took way longer than expected but it's done! It's here! The final chapter is Heroes is out! Thank you all so much for your incredible support through the months of writing this story. Although this is the last chapter, I do plan on doing two additional parts to this story that dive deeper into the characters. However, as of right now it's up in the air for when these will be out as college is getting busy with the end of the semester and holidays rapidly approaching. That being said, I do plan on doing them! In the meantime, enjoy this final chapter!

Tw: graphic descriptions of violence (canon typical), homophobic language (self-directed), dissociation

———

He’s been on the couch for an indiscriminate amount of time, staring at the pristine marble fireplace he desperately wants to take his nail bat to. He doesn’t remember much of how he got here, only that he was at work at some point and must have driven himself home without really thinking. Now that he puts it that way in his mind, it doesn’t sound all that safe, but he’s fine and alive and sitting on the couch.

Steve blinks back into full consciousness when he hears a knock on the front door. He blinks one, twice, three times to get rid of the fuzziness that’s taken residence on the outskirts of his vision before hauling himself off the leather sofa. He’s honestly surprised he managed to space out so long on such an uncomfortable piece of furniture, the cushions stiff from disuse over the years. It’s just begun to gain that looseness from all the kids lounging on it, but it’s still rather uncomfortable in his opinion.

Wrapping a thick blanket around his shoulders, he moves sloppily towards the door. Whoever is on the other side has grown to knocking continuously, so much so it’s beginning to give Steve a headache. No one he knows would be coming by today. It’s Sunday, meaning most of the kids are off doing their own thing with their parents or hanging out in the ever eloquent armpit that is Mike Wheeler’s basement. Whoever is on the other side isn’t someone he knows, so he begins to turn and head upstairs to sleep the rest of the fuzzy off before a voice makes him freeze in his tracks.

“Steve?” A deep, raspy voice tinged with panic filters through the mahogany doors. “Steve, I know you’re in there.”

He watches the door as he continues the path to his room, ready to avoid whatever it is Eddie wants from him.

Maybe Eddie figured out Steve’s feelings and is here to reject him. Or maybe he’ll call Steve a fag and punch him just like Steve has done to countless people back in high school. Really, he wouldn’t blame him if he did, he deserves it. Maybe Eddie’s found someone else, and is here to tell Steve it will never work out, that he’s not into guys. He thinks that one would hurt the most.

“Steve, your car is in the driveway and the lights are on,” Eddie points out, and Steve can tell he’s raising his eyebrow and giving him a look just by the tone of his voice. “We need to talk.”

Steve doesn’t want to talk. Not right now. His head is mushy and he’s not thinking straight—which he isn’t, but still—and he feels like he’s barely standing on his feet. Part of him, a bigger part than he’d like to admit, wonders if he somehow fell asleep on the couch without noticing. That’s the only way he can justify Eddie’s presence on the other side of the door and the way he was frantically knocking beforehand while worriedly yelling his name. That’s the only way any of this makes sense.

Slowly—so very slowly—he walks up to the door. He red-hued wood stares back at him mockingly, separating him from the one person he wants most. Eddie is here, just on the other side, but he can’t bring himself to reach out and turn the knob.

What if Eddie is mad at him? What if he’s here to yell and hit and hurt him beyond repair? He’s already so, so weak for him, and he knows it wouldn’t take much for him to break completely. Eddie is… he means so much more to Steve than he can properly express, and he doesn’t want to open this door and have it ripped away from him completely.

Because that’s what it boils down to, doesn’t it? If Eddie is gone, he has nothing. Sure, there’s Robin, but something about Eddie is different in a good way. A way that makes him feel warm and fuzzy inside even in the dead of winter. A way that makes him blush and swoon and pine from afar because that’s all he knows how to do. A way that makes him want with his whole being. A way that he knows could tear him apart because it’s just too good to be true.

He knows he should open the door. He can reach out and grasp the knob in his hand and turn it, can swing it open and reveal the man his heart is in pieces for. He can invite him in, sit down and talk about whatever he wants to. He can have Eddie back in his life if he just. Opens. The. Door.

But Steve is a coward, and all the bravery Dustin swears he has flies right out the window as soon as no one’s life is in danger, as soon as it’s only his life in question. He takes a step back, then another, until he’s safely away from the door and next to the steps. He swallows, the sound loud in the stilted silence of his empty house, and waits.

There’s a sigh on the other side of the door before muffled shuffling and murmured curses. Steve first thinks Eddie is leaving, that he finally realized Steve wasn’t going to open the door for him and had enough, but then he hears a tiny ‘aha!��. Seconds later, the sound of a key entering the lock echo through the foyer and Steve instinctively tugs the blanket closer around him.

The door swings open to reveal Eddie in a rumpled t-shirt, sweatpants, and messy hair that looks almost as wild as his eyes. His breathing is fast and he’s disheveled to the point that Steve has the fleeting thought he just woke up and panic-ran there—which, judging by the haphazard way his van is parked in the driveway, his assumption isn’t too far of a stretch.

Even now, with his hair a wild mess and presence like a whirlwind, he's beautiful. He’s missing his signature rings, making his fingers seem longer and more delicate. The faded Black Sabbath shirt hangs from his frame, the thin fabric allowing his collarbones to show through as well as the healing scars on his chest. His hair is in a messy bun with thick strands hanging around his face he must have missed when putting it up, and Steve desperately wants to twist them around his fingers and pull.

If he lets himself think about it for too long, Steve would imagine this is what he looks like when he wakes up. Eddie would crawl out of bed no earlier than ten o’clock, drag himself to the coffee machine and sip it black and grimace—he knows he doesn’t like it black, but he still tries it every morning anyway—before adding ungodly amounts of cream and sugar before leaning against the counter as he wakes up. Steve would be making breakfast, probably something boring like eggs and bacon, and smile when Eddie wraps his arms around his waist from behind and kisses his shoulder. He’d have a low morning voice, something husky and rough from years of smoking, and Eddie would perch his head on Steve’s shoulder to watch him cook. They’d sneak kisses the whole time, and Eddie would try to steal bacon off the plate even though it’s still hot and he would burn his tongue and complain about it for the rest of the day. Steve would suggest he kiss it to make it better, and they would end up making out in the kitchen while their food grows cold.

He’s pulled out of his daydream by the sound of metal scraping against metal. Eddie is focused on getting the key back out of the lock, and Steve knows he should tell him that the spare has a habit of sticking since it’s rarely used but no words escape him. He shuffles on his feet instead, willing his heavy limbs to move forwards. The movement catches Eddie’s attention, and he immediately stops fiddling with the lock to look at him. His eyes are wide, and a little glassy, and he instantly takes his hands off the knob to drop them at his sides.

Now that those doe eyes are looking right at him, Steve finds a whole avalanche of words threatening to tumble out; ‘You’re pretty’, ‘hey, Eds', and ‘I really like you’ being the top contenders. Instead, he lets out a meek “hi”.

Eddie grins, just a little nervous thing, and Steve wonders what he was even worried about.

“Hiya, Stevie,” he greets. He looks over at the door and winces. “I used the spare key, hope you don’t mind.”

Steve shakes his head. “That’s what it’s for. Sorry I didn’t let you in.”

“Don’t worry about it, Stevie,” Eddie assures. He finally pulls the key out of the lock and shuts the door behind him, leaning against it as he looks at Steve. “As nice as it is in your fancy foyer, I think we’d both rather talk somewhere a little more comfortable, don'tcha think?”

His words kick Steve back into gear and he gestures with his head to the living room. Eddie brushes against him as he goes to sit on the couch and Steve tries desperately not to flinch at the sudden contact and rush of heat he feels at the slight touch. Eddie sits on the couch with a huff and Steve stands to the side awkwardly, looking down at his feet and the ornate carpet instead of those big doe eyes he constantly gets lost in.

“Do you want something to eat or drink?” Steve offers, still not looking up. “I made some cookies yesterday if you want some— at least, I think it was yesterday—“

“Steve,” Eddie says softly, cutting him off and sealing his lips closed. He wordlessly pats the empty seat beside him on the sofa, raising an eyebrow in silent command. Steve looks at Eddie, then at the seat, and back again. It’s hard to tell the expression on his face and what exactly the other man is feeling, caught somewhere between concern and this gentleness he’s rarely seen.

Steve sits next to him with a quiet huff, subconsciously tugging the blanket around his shoulders until it’s just under his chin. He stares at the pristine brick underneath the fireplace, eggshell white and void of ash smudges or scratches. Steve has never seen an actual fire in that fireplace, only the styrofoam logs his mother had shipped to the house to look realistic without making a mess. He counts the rows, then each brick within the rows and the frame around them until he concludes that there's fifty-six bricks in the fireplace. It’s an odd number to end on but surprisingly even. He briefly wonders if his parents intentionally ended the brick count on an even number or if it just happened that way.

Eddie clears his throat next to him and Steve startles a little, breaking out of his brick-focused revere to glance at the man beside him. He looks nervous, hands twisting together and fingers tracing the empty space where his rings usually sit. Steve thinks that if Eddie had remembered them, he’d be twisting the heavy rings in their silence.

“We need to talk, Steve,” Eddie repeats. “This… this thing has gone on for way too long and we need to set the record straight.”

Steve holds back a snort at the word ‘straight’, feeling at this moment anything but. He can feel Eddie’s body heat even from the other side of the couch and part of him is screaming at his hands to reach out and touch. But, Eddie is here to talk, not touch, so he keeps his hands to himself and stiffly nods.

At least he has the decency not to say what Steve did wrong to his face. That small bit of mercy warms something within him even though he knows the following conversation will rip it apart. Eddie is going to tell him that it’s not worth it, that Steve isn’t worth it, and that he should stop trying to make amends because it’s never going to work. Eddie will never like him, that's a given fact proven time and time again by the cut-off comments and sideways glances and aborted touches.

He tears his eyes away from where they’ve focused back on the fireplace, choosing instead to look down at his lap. It’s better to rip the band-aid off early, just get straight to the point instead of beating around the proverbial bush. Steve takes a breath then releases it slowly, closing his eyes for a brief moment while gathering his words.

“You don’t have to say it, Eds,” he murmurs and fuck, he didn’t mean for ‘Eds’ to sound so soft. He can’t help it though, not when the boy he wants is leaving him before they’ve even had a chance to be together. “I already know.”

He feels more than sees Eddie freeze beside him, stiffening up as if he was suddenly turned to stone. Wide brown eyes are turned his way and Steve can’t help but glance at them once more while he’s still allowed. They’re more shiny than usual, bouncing over Steve’s face like two rocket-powered pinballs.

As the silence stretches on, he can tell Eddie won’t be the one to fill it. That’s okay, really, because he needs to explain himself. Might as well get it out in the open before all the yelling starts and he shuts down completely.

“I know you don’t like me,” Steve starts and Eddie immediately makes a noise of protest. He glances at the other with pleading eyes and a small, sad smile. “Can I get it all out before you say anything? I just… I need to say this without any interruptions.”

Eddie immediately nods, miming zipping his lips closed, locking them, and throwing away the key. Steve can’t fight the smile that forms on his face at the action, finding the little show of childishness endearing. It’s nice to see Eddie act more like himself after everything, even though the circumstances are less than ideal.

“Thanks,” he says. Steve takes a breath, closing to look down at his hands rather than at Eddie. He squeezes them together, watching as his knuckles and the tips of his fingers turn white with pressure.

“I know I’ve been too clingy with the group lately and was pushing people to hang out with me. I…” he trails off, huffs. “It sounds bad but I usually don’t notice how I’m acting until someone points it out, and… and I realize now how I’ve been and I promise to leave them alone.”

Eddie shifts beside him, scooting closer to his hunched form on the couch. A hand enters his periphery, but Steve keeps his own firmly planted in his lap. He begins picking at the skin beside his nails, a nervous habit he can’t quite get rid of, to take his mind off the man next to him.

“I have one condition though,” Steve requests. He starts, pauses, and when the words get caught in the back of his throat he resorts to nervously rolling his bottom lip between his teeth. He needs to say them, needs Eddie to know, but the words just… won’t come out.

A slender hand moves over his and settles softly over his twitching fingers. Steve stops picking at the contact, the touch freezing him and filling him with unbearable warmth at the same time. He doesn’t look up, afraid to find the annoyance that’s most likely there at his repetitive movements, and instead lets the touch wash over him. It travels up his hands, through his arms, and bee-lines for his fragile heart. It travels up his neck, unsticking the words there and giving them new life.

“Promise me you’ll take care of the kids, Eds,” he croaks out, voice suddenly raw and fragile. “Take care of them and of yourself too, okay?”

There’s silence after his request but Steve doesn’t dare move. His eyes never travel up to look at Eddie, and he doesn’t think he has the right to. He doesn’t want to see the discontent on his face, or the satisfaction or acceptance or happiness or whatever it is at the thought of never having to see Steve and all of his bullshit anymore.

Instead, he focuses on the hand over his, his eyes tracing the divots of the knuckles and the faint freckles found there. He counts the visible veins and follows their path upwards. He watches the tendons flex as Eddie taps his hand twice, the motion so deliberate it causes Steve to look up at him on instinct.

The expression he finds there is not what he was expecting. His eyes are wide and glossy, the deep brown shining a little in the midday sunlight. His eyebrows are furrowed and his lips are a thin line. It’s an expression Steve’s never seen before, one that doesn’t feel right on Eddie’s face. He looks… in a word, Eddie looks scared.

That quickly changes, however, when Eddie roughly shakes his head from side to side—fluffing up his hair in the process—and looks at Steve with concern. He points at his mouth and Steve only quirks an eyebrow.

“I don’t know what that means—“

He’s cut off by Eddie shooting off the couch, looking left and right before falling to the ground on his knees with his back to Steve.

“… Eddie?”

Steve is ignored as Eddie stretches his arms out and pats the rug as if looking for something. Steve’s two seconds away from joining him on the floor when Eddie makes a triumphant noise and stands up, turning back to Steve and holding up his hand with his fingers clenched around… nothing.

There’s nothing in his hand but Eddie still brings it up to his face and just then, Steve realizes he was looking for the invisible key he threw away earlier. Eddie mimes unlocking and unzipping his lips, and Steve finds the whole action so ridiculously Eddie that he can’t help but shed a ghost of a smile.

“Stevie…” Eddie murmurs, a hand coming up to rest on Steve’s cheek so gently it makes his chest hurt. Eddie flicks his eyes between Steve’s, the deep brown reflecting some of the light from the open window. This close, Steve can see small swirls of yellow within the brown, like golden leaves passing by warm bark as they fall in autumn.

Eddie wipes under his eyes with his free hand, and Steve can feel wetness drying on his cheeks. He didn’t realize he was crying, but Eddie’s gentleness makes more sense now. He smiles at him, a sad little thing that has no right being this beautiful on his face, as he pushes some of Steve’s admittedly flat and greasy hair out of his eyes.

His hair is getting long now, falling just at his shoulders, but he has no desire to cut it. Sure, it gets in his face all the time and he has to use the little claw clips he stole from Robin to keep the shorter pieces back when he gets hot but cutting it… it just doesn’t feel right anymore.

Maybe it’s because his parents aren’t here to tell him he looks bad with long hair, and that he should cut it before people start “talking”. Maybe it’s because it’s new and Steve liked how long his hair had gotten when he worked at Scoops but had cut it when Robin did so they would match. Maybe it’s because he feels more himself when it’s long, like he’s letting go of the pretty boy jock of the past and finally being himself. Or maybe—and more likely—it’s because he stopped caring about what he looked like since no one was around to see him anyway.

“I’m sorry.”

Steve freezes. Blinks. Opens his mouth once, closes it, repeats the process.

Because in what world would Eddie Munson need to apologize to him?

Steve is the one who fucked up. Steve is the one who pushed everyone away, who was too much. Steve was the harbinger of his own self-destruction. It was always Steve, Steve, Steve—

“No, Stevie—“ Eddie begins, then cuts himself off. His hands grip Steve’s face tighter, small in pressure and forcing him to look into his eyes. “Don’t do that. I know what your head is telling you, sweetheart, but let me explain before you come to any conclusions, yeah?”

And Steve… he doesn’t know what to say. No one has ever noticed him like this before. Has never shown it even if they had.

“It’s—It’s okay, Eds, you don’t—“

“No, I do, Steve. I need to explain, okay? Will you let me?”

Eddie is asking Steve for permission. Is asking for time, for a chance, and Steve has no other choice but to grant him his wish. He nods in Eddie’s hold, shallow but meaningful all the same. Eddie smiles that sad smile, the one that doesn’t quite reach his eyes, and shifts so his whole body is facing Steve. Full attention is drawn to him, consuming him, and Steve only sits. Watches. Waits.

“Just… When I tell you, will you promise not to be mad?” Eddie scrunches his face like he’s waiting for a verbal assault, like he’s waiting for Steve to say ‘no’. He doesn’t know if he could ever be truly mad at Eddie, doesn’t think a bone in his body could hate the man before him.

“Eds, I could never hate you,” he murmurs. “I promise, I won’t be mad.”

Eddie huffs, something akin to a laugh and a sigh, and looks down at his lap. His face is colored with sour sadness, something that has died long ago and turned rotten.

“I don’t know if you can keep that promise, Steve. Not for this.”

“Eddie, look at me,” Steve asks, and Eddie does as he’s told. He looks right in his eyes, holding eye contact, and says, “I promise I will never, ever hate you.”

Eddie nods, takes a breath and Steve can feel the slight tremble of his hands.

“As much as I regret the truth, your soulmate is the main reason I’m here right now,” he begins, smiles to deflect and rolls his eyes. “Robin practically burst into my trailer to tell me to get my shit together and she was right because Steve… Steve, I was a mess.

“I could barely function. I’d spend all day in my room, playing songs over and over and over again until I heard them in my sleep because I couldn’t let myself give in to what I wanted most.”

He doesn’t say it, not explicitly, but Steve knows. He knows, because he feels the same thing. That unbearable need to be with someone, the near possession that sinks down to his core and forges iron bars in his bones. The weight that settles in his stomach when he’s without, when he’s alone. He knows, because he’s felt that way about the man in front of him everyday since March. Since senior year. Since goddamn high school—

“There’s this person,” Eddie confesses. “I’ve found someone that makes me really happy.”

The world stops. Time slows. Steve feels his heart pause in his chest, feels it skip a beat. His body grows cold and washes from head to toe, the iciness reverberating in his bones. Eddie’s found someone. He’s found someone that isn’t Steve.

It’s the worst case scenario. Eddie has found someone and is here to let him down easy. His visit makes more sense now. Eddie has figured out his feelings and is here to reject him. Reject him because Eddie’s with someone else—

“Oh,” he breathes out. He can feel his head start to float, can feel his mind slipping away because it doesn’t want to think anymore, doesn’t want to accept that Eddie doesn’t want him. The fuzziness returns, clouding the edges of his vision.

“Can I tell you about them?” Eddie asks, like they’re friends. Like they regularly tell each other about their crushes. Like this is just.. like it’s fun. Steve only has the strength to nod.

“They’re beautiful,” Eddie starts. “They have silky brown hair and tan skin, marked with cute little moles and an array of scars. They wear these tight little Levi’s that drive me crazy, I mean it’s downright sinful.

“More importantly, they’re sweet. They always put others before themself, always asking how everyone else is despite no one ever asking how they are. They give out rides and take people wherever they want, no matter what. They’re a little bit of a pushover, but it’s only because they love people so fully and wholly that they can’t help it.

“This person… I think they’re it for me, Stevie,” Eddie finishes. “I think I’ve found the one.”

The words hit him like an out of body experience, like he’s watching himself have this conversation without having any conscious input. It doesn’t feel real. Steve can’t feel the couch underneath him or the blanket around his shoulders, just as he can’t hear the words from Eddie’s mouth or the meaning behind them. His brain stopped working when Eddie confessed and now he’s running on autopilot alone.

“I’m happy for you, Eddie,” he pushes out with a smile, a fake plastic-like thing that feels heavy on his face. “I hope it works out for you two.”

“Me too. This person means a lot to me, you know.”

He doesn’t, and he really doesn’t want to. Honestly, Steve just wants this conversation to be over so he can crawl in his bed and decompose for the next month.

“I’m glad.” He’s not.

“The kids love them and so does Robin. They make us feel complete, and without them we’re a mess.”

Those words wake him up a little. They’ve already met the kids and Robin. They fit just as Steve didn’t. They complete the puzzle of the full family picture, one without Steve in it. They’ve replaced him. They don’t need him. They’ll never need him, he’s just—

“It’s good that they’ve found someone. They need someone like that.”

“Yeah, Stevie, they do,” Eddie says quietly. “But I did something that made them go away, and I’m trying to get them back.

“See, I thought that if I kept myself away, that my feelings would go away too. But uh…” Eddie looks down at his lap and huffs. “My feelings are still here and all I did was push away the person I wanted most.”

“I’m sure they’ll forgive you,” he assures, even though the words feel like ash on his tongue. “If they’re any good, they’ll understand.”

Eddie looks at him then, his dark brown eyes boring into his. Steve looks back, flicking his eyes across his face as if it holds the secrets to the universe. As if Eddie’s face will tell him what he’s supposed to do next.

“Well, do you?”

“Do I what?”

“Understand,” Eddie supplies. There’s a small, sad smile on his face as he tilts his head. Steve furrows his brows.

“Why would I need to—“

He pauses. Rethinks Eddie’s words.

“…Brown hair and tan skin… moles… scars… rides… pushover”

No. It can’t be him, it can’t. Steve can’t listen to Eddie’s loud music for more than a few minutes before getting a migraine. He’s got no experience being with a guy and has only just recently accepted that he’d like to be with one. There’s no way Eddie could be talking about him because he isn’t special, isn’t someone Eddie would like. At least, not like that. Steve is just Steve, and Eddie is so… so Eddie.

But Eddie’s looking at him with that look, the one he gives when he’s trying to tell him something without actually saying it. His doe eyes are staring at him full force, working overtime to tell Steve something he can’t quite understand.

Eddie quirks an eyebrow and something clicks. Puzzle pieces start to fall into place.

But… It can’t be—

“Me,” Steve whispers. It’s a small, broken thing, like a butterfly with a busted wing. Beautiful but tarnished, alive but not whole. Eddie only smiles, this one less sad and more soft.

“Yeah, Stevie, you,” he whispers back, just as quiet. “Staying away from you was the hardest thing I ever did, and I will spend the rest of my goddamn life regretting it.”

It doesn’t make any sense why Eddie would stay away when they’ve both been pulled together like two dying stars in a collapsing universe. Steve thought he was alone in his wanting, in his pining, but Eddie had been right there with him and that… that is terrifying.

He wants to scream at him, to yell and ask him a million times ‘why?’. He wants to punch a fucking wall. He wants to beg and plead for an explanation. He wants to cry, and maybe throw up a little. He wants to collapse in Eddie’s arms and be held, be kept safe, and he doesn’t ever, ever, want to leave.

Pressure on his face makes his eyes drift back up, unaware they had wandered elsewhere until Eddie coaxed them back to him. He thinks that every part of him will always drift back to Eddie somehow, like he’s the beacon Steve will forever be drawn to. A hand slips off his cheek, fits right over one of Steve’s like a missing puzzle piece. Steve turns his hand and slots his fingers between Eddie’s.

“I never hated you, Steve. Never,” Eddie confesses, cheeks catching a rosy glow as he looks down at their hands, fingers entwined. “It was uh… the opposite, actually.”

There’s an implication there, a little snippet of what Eddie’s really saying. ‘I like you, Steve, I’ve always liked you. I lo—‘

Steve squeezes his hand, rubbing his thumb along his knuckles and causing a smile to form on the others’ face. It’s small, shy like Eddie doesn’t know it’s there. He looks up then, eyes deep brown and yellow, and he’s beautiful but Steve feels like he’s dying all the same. Like Eddie has the power to keep him alive or kill him in one breath. The truth is, he does.

“I’m a coward, Stevie. Always have been,” Eddie huff a humorless laugh, more of a rush of air through his nose than anything. “I did what I always do. I ran. I ran from you.

“Not because of anything you did, mind you, but because I didn’t want to admit to whatever was—is—all up in my head. I didn’t wanna show too much and make you uncomfortable because I know how you are with touch sometimes and I didn’t trust myself to keep my hands to myself.

“I mean, god, do you know how many times I had to literally sit on my hands to keep from running them through your hair or holding your hand or doing the cheesy fucking yawn-and-stretch move?” He confesses, and the absurdity of it makes a loud laugh burst out of Steve’s throat. Eddie’s got a real smile on his face this time, one that’s happy, and maybe a little teasing. “I’m serious! I’m surprised no one caught me looking at you. I mean, I was always looking, Stevie, but I knew I could never touch—“

“You could’ve,” Steve interrupts, feels it’s important. He needs Eddie to know. “I wouldn’t have minded.”

“You would have minded, Steve,” he insists. “I didn’t want to give you a friendly pat on the back or clap your shoulder. I wanted—I still want—something you don’t want to give me.”

“How do you know? How do you know I don’t want you to give it, Eddie?”

“‘Cause you don’t like me like that, Steve,” he says with a sad sort of confidence, like he knows it for a fact. Like Steve doesn’t feel the same and he—

Oh.

Eddie doesn’t know.

He doesn’t know what Steve’s feeling or what he’s been going through because he doesn’t believe Steve could ever want him back. This isn’t a mutual confession, this is Eddie bearing his throat at Steve in an attempt to bring him back. This is self-sacrifice, martyrdom at its finest.

This is Eddie planning a second suicide.

“By ‘that’ I mean gay, Steve. I’m… I’m gay,” Eddie confesses, but Steve is so wrapped up in his own mind that he can’t say what he wants to. He wants to smile, thank him for sharing, assure him that nothing will change between them—unless they want it to—and hug him because telling people is hard.

But no words come out, and he’s stuck in Eddie’s gentle hand on his face and big brown eyes locked onto his.

“And I really hope you’re okay with it because I can live with not having you like that, I have before and I can do it again, but not having you at all is something I can’t survive. Something I won’t survive. Hell—I barely made it through staying away for as long as I did.

“Steve, I sat in my van multiple times over the past few weeks contemplating if I should come over to your house or not just because I missed you,” he exposes, mouth forming that beautifully sad smile. “But I went back inside every time because it was pathetic, I was pathetic.”

Eddie looks down, then immediately shoots his head up with wide eyes bouncing between Steve’s.

“Shit, now that I say that out loud it sounds incredibly creepy. Fuck… I didn’t mean it like that, I swear, I mean it wasn’t that often anyway and I never—“

“Eddie.”

His mouth shuts with an audible ‘click’, and Steve winces in sympathy. His wince turns into a hesitant smile, however, as he raises a shaky hand to cover Eddie’s on his cheek. He leans into the touch—probably more than he should—and watches the way Eddie’s eyes widen a little.

“You don’t hate me?” Steve mutters, those four words loud in the silence of his empty house.

Eddie shakes his head rapidly, reminding Steve a little bit of a puppy. “Like I said, Stevie, I could never hate you.”

He can’t help but scoff and roll his eyes, remembering the various lunchtime speeches the other announced to the cafeteria in high school about social hierarchies and sticking it to The Man.

“I’m sure you hated me in high school, Eds,” he counters.

Instead of agreement, Steve is—to his surprise—met with a very flustered and red Eddie. He’s ducked his face so it’s partially hidden behind loose ringlets of hair but Steve can still see the redness high on his cheeks. He won’t look at him, won’t lift his head, but something tells him it’s not because he doesn’t want to.

“Holy—“ Steve huffs a shocked laugh. “Edward Munson, did you have a crush on me?”

“Oh god,” Eddie groans, covering his face with both hands and shaking his head. “You’re going to be so annoying about this, aren’t you?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he replies innocently, a smirk firmly lodged on his face.

“Is it really that surprising?” Eddie asks rhetorically. “I mean, how’s a queer kid in small town America not gonna have a crush on the incredibly hot co-captain of the swim team with his tight little speedos and smarmy wink that makes everyone wanna drop their panties for him?”

Steve rolls his eyes but leans in a little and drops his voice just to tease him. “Did you want to drop your panties too, Eds?”

Eddie goes scarlet as he shoves Steve’s face away half heartedly. Steve cackles, unable to help it when Eddie flops back dramatically with an arm thrown over his face like a distressed damsel.

“But seriously,” Steve asks when his laughter has died down. “Why did you have a crush on me? I was a total douchebag.”

Eddie looks up at him from his slumped position on the couch and shakes his head as he sits up. “You were different.

“I could tell you didn’t enjoy what you did in school. You didn’t like being mean to people, didn’t like being cruel, and you always had this… this sympathy for people. People like Tommy and Carol and fucking Billy Hargrove had this hunger in their eyes but you… you never did.

“You were different from them. You were better, good. Even back then,” he insists. Eddie scoots closer and rests his hands on either side of Steve’s face, cupping it gently like he did earlier. He locks their eyes.

“You’re still good, Stevie,” he whispers and tilts his head with a smile. “Think you’ll always be good.”

There’s that word again. ‘Good’. Something he strives to be but can never quite reach. It’s like waking up from a dream and forgetting the details. They’re right there, just out of reach, but no matter how hard you try they always slip away.

His eyes begin to sting and water, salty droplets resting on his lower lashes and falling down his face as he blinks. His chest feels tight, like all the air was pushed out of his lungs and he can’t quite fill them up again. No one has ever told him that before. No one has ever looked past the shell forged of bitchy attitude and sarcastic comments to see what’s underneath and liked what they’d seen.

Eddie has looked now. He’d taken a chisel and hammer and patiently chipped away until Steve cracked, until his shell opened up and Eddie was allowed to look inside.

He can feel the way his mind floats away, how he recesses back into his head but not because he wants to. His emotions are a lot on their own, but coming out all at once like this is too much for him to handle.

He vaguely registers the way Eddie’s eyes blow wide and how carefully he wipes away his fresh tears. His mouth is moving, saying words Steve can’t hear as he falls apart. He can’t help the broken sob that climbs its way out his throat, nor the way he tries to duck his head to hide his face. Eddie won’t let him, however, and instead tugs him closer. An arm drops down around his waist and pulls, moving Steve in Eddie’s lap in one fluid motion. Eddie’s other hand gently coaxes his head to land in the crook of his neck, leaving Steve feeling safe and held in a way he’s never experienced before.

Heaving sobs wrack his body, forcing shudders that go down to his bones to ripple across his skin. Weeks, months—hell, years—of pent up emotions are flooding out now, soaking Eddie’s shirt and skin. He’s being loud, hiccuping and sniffling right next to Eddie’s ear but the other just holds him. He holds him in a way that’s protective, like Eddie’s trying to shield him from all the pain and hurt in his past. Like holding him could make it all go away. Steve desperately wishes that were the case, that he could leave all of it behind like he wants to. But he also knows it’s not that simple, that his pain won’t go away with one hug or a single kiss no matter how much he hopes.

He can feel the vibration of words underneath him but his brain can’t quite comprehend them. A hand is carding through his hair, gingerly detangling it and pulling ever so slightly. The pressure on his scalp helps him focus a little, brings him back into his body where crying had taken him out. Eddie is rocking back and forth and doesn’t stop when Steve calms down.

Steve goes to pull away, sniffling and wiping at his eyes. “Sorry, I don’t… I don’t know what that was—“

“Shhh,” Eddie cuts him off, both arms around his waist now and holding him in place. “It’s okay, Stevie, you clearly needed a good cry. Just didn’t know I’d be the one to instigate it.”

A laugh escapes him, Steve rolling his eyes as he shoves at the man beneath him playfully. He doesn’t get up, however, feeling safe in the arms that hold him in place. Eddie wipes away the rest of the tears drying on his face, giving Steve that small, private smile he’s only seen a handful of times. One he knows is just for him.

Eddie’s hand doesn’t leave his face and instead settles for brushing oily strands of hair back in place. Fingers linger on his cheekbones, tracing under his eyes and across the bridge of his nose. There’s a scar there on the bridge from where Jonathan had busted it, and later Billy added on by breaking it. His nose sits a little crooked now from not being properly healed, but Steve really couldn’t care less. Doesn’t think it matters much anymore, as it doesn’t seem to matter to Eddie either. Eddie’s eyes are soft, the corners of his mouth turned up just a little.

“What’s on your mind, Eds?” He whispers, voice strained from crying. The hand tracing his face pauses.

“Just thinking about you…” Eddie confesses, smile widening. “Even with your face blotchy red and puffy from crying, you’re still beautiful.”

It’s Steve’s turn to blush, face turning red as Eddie laughs.

“It’s true!”

“Is not—“

“No, I’m totally right.”

“Uh-huh.” Steve rolls his eyes before closing them for a moment, letting himself smile. The tightness in his chest has dissipated now, his lungs free to breathe. He leans back slightly, just enough to find and play with the hem of Eddie’s shirt.

Eddie’s hands squeeze his waist, making him look up. “What’s on your mind, Stevie?”

Steve huffs a laugh at the repeated phrase. “Where to start…”

“We’ve got all the time in the world,” Eddie assures. Steve takes a breath.

“I can’t believe this is real, Eds. That you’re… you’re here and holding me like I’m special,” he begins, focusing on his hands playing with Eddie’s shirt hem instead of the man himself. “I didn’t think anyone would hold me like this—would even want to—much less you.”

“Why not, Steve?” His voice is gentle, coaxing. Steve hesitates to tell him, to give him the truth of what he’s been feeling the whole time. But Eddie was brave, he told Steve and now it’s time to return the favor.

“‘Cause I’ve had a crush on you for months, Eds, ever since that stupid fucking boathouse. I should’ve said something but I… I was too scared to say anything. Didn’t want to get my heart broken again.

“Then you stopped coming around and hanging out and wouldn’t talk to me or tell me what I did wrong and it… it fucking hurt, Eddie,” he confesses. He sniffles, trying to calm down before he starts crying again. He’s had enough humiliation for the day, thank you.

“It hurt because I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, not even Nancy. Hell, she’s practically no one compared to what I feel about you. There’s this… this feeling of wholeness when I’m with you, like I finally feel complete somehow despite not even knowing part of me was missing. Having a taste of that and then losing it, losing you, made me break.

“I didn’t know if you felt the same, and I still can’t really believe that you do,” Steve admits. He clenches his eyes closed, begging the tears pricking his eyes to go away. “I’ve accepted that I’m not cut out for love. Everyone I try to get close to never seems to stick around long afterwards, so I’ve just… stopped trying.

“I told myself I’d keep my distance. I mean… I know I’m too much for people sometimes, got too much going on up in my head, and I thought that was why you pulled away,” he finishes. Eddie squeezes his waist again, causing Steve to look up and find a pained expression on his face he’s sure he’s not supposed to see.

“How… how could you think that?” Eddie questions, voice quiet like he doesn’t quite believe what he’s saying. Eddie cups his cheek with a soft hand, brushing his thumb across his cheekbone as he looks in his eyes. “How could you think that no one could love Steve Harrington?”

It’s a question he has a million answers to, a million different reasons for why. They replay in his head constantly, ever present and never fading. Letting it all out and telling Eddie what he can barely admit to himself isn’t something he thinks he can do.

But Eddie’s looking at him now with those big brown eyes and soft lips curved slightly downwards into a subtle frown, eyebrows scrunched earnestly. It makes all of his inhibitions melt away, makes his tongue unfreeze and words bubble up his throat.

“People have always loved the idea of me, Eds,” he begins. He smiles a bitter smile that feels like acid on his lips. “King Steve with daddy’s money to keep the liquor cabinet well-stocked and absent parents gone for weeks at a time meant an empty mansion perfect for parties. People would show up before I even knew what was going on, but I learned to go with it because saying no didn’t seem like an option. I’d just grab a bottle and hope for the best, figuring I might as well have a good time–or at least pretend like it.

“A few people looked under that facade and saw who I really was beyond all that. Tommy knew I hated parties and loud noises but nine times out of ten he was the one to invite everyone over. Nancy… I don’t think she ever really understood. Nance always had this preconceived notion about how people were and how they’re supposed to be and she couldn’t accept that I was different than that, that I diverged from her point of view.

“Looking back at it now, I think that’s a major reason why we didn’t work out. When people look at me, the real me, they never tend to stick around long afterwards. Hagan quit talking to me when I admitted I didn’t want to harass people anymore and Nancy—well, you pretty much know what happened but she didn’t stay long after I changed either,” Steve admits. He closes his eyes and leans into Eddie’s hand. “I’ve gotten used to it.”

Movement makes his eyes open to see Eddie shaking his head. “That’s not who I’m talking about,” Eddie corrects as he cups Steve’s face with both hands, the empty space on his waist feeling cold in the absence of warm arms.

“The Steve I’m talking about makes soup for sick Party members and parents. He gives out little gifts he picks up just ‘cause for the kids, Robin, or me. He hates who he was in the past, and has done more than enough to make up for it—not that he needed to in the first place. The Steve I’m talking about cares so much for other people that it consumes him to the point where he forgets about himself sometimes,” Eddie pauses, and Steve takes it as an opportunity to interrupt.

“But I haven’t done any of that in weeks, Eds,” he protests. “Besides, I’ve got tons of free time to look after myself now that the kids aren’t talking to me and—“

He cuts himself off at Eddie’s wince, a harsh thing that scrunches up his eyes and makes him flinch back like he was hit. It’s enough to make him wonder if he said something wrong, something that upset Eddie that he didn’t know about. God, can he do anything right? Jesus fucking Christ he’s hopeless.

“That’s uh…” Eddie trails off, pointedly avoiding eye contact as he sucks a breath through his teeth. “That’s my fault too.”

What?

“What?” Steve asks. “Wait, how?”

“The kids,” Eddie pauses to shake his head and mumble. “Stupid ones at that, came to the very misguided conclusion that I didn’t like you and started avoiding you on my behalf. Which I know is very unfair since you’ve known them way longer than I have and have literally saved their lives countless times. Like I said, stupid kids.”

Steve blinks. Thinks, blinks again. This wasn’t his fault. He did nothing to warrant being ignored for weeks, for being talked down to or excluded from conversations or gatherings. He did nothing to the kids, to Joyce or Hop or Robin or Eddie or anyone. He. Did. Nothing.

All of his paranoia, all the sleepless nights he spent roaming the streets with a bat covered in nails and dried blood was for nothing. All the worry, all the nightmares and panic attacks over the Party dying was for nothing. All the fear that turned his veins to ice and caused his words to stop was for nothing.

“Oh.”

It was all a misunderstanding. A silly little misunderstanding that made him lose his goddamn mind for weeks and obsess over every little interaction he’d had with the Party to try and parse out what went wrong. It was all because of some stupid crush and some stupid kids who like to stick their nose where it doesn’t belong.

Steve runs a hand through his hair, tugging at the long ends before meeting Eddie’s gaze. He looks apologetic, like he knows what Steve went through and is feeling it all second hand. There’s anguish in his eyes, like Steve’s pain is now his. In a way, it is.

“Steve, I’m sorry I caused all of this,” Eddie apologizes. “I’ve already talked to the kids and told them the truth—well, some of the truth, anyways—and they know what they did was wrong. I told them to give you some space though, so you’ve got a day or two before a bunch of teens bombard your house and start throwing apologies at you. Also, Robin was totally mean to me today but she knows—wait, why are you laughing?”

Steve can’t help the laugh that escapes his throat, or the way his eyes water as his eyes scrunch. This is all so ridiculously funny, like a sitcom episode in real life. The pining idiots have a misunderstanding and there’s despair on both sides until the truth is revealed and they confess. The ‘what if’s play through his head, but instead of worst-case scenarios it’s what he and Eddie could have been this whole time if they had gotten their heads out of their asses sooner.

“Sorry, sorry, I just—“ he cuts himself off to wipe his eyes. “I was just thinking that I should’ve kissed you when I had the chance. It would’ve prevented all of this from happening.”

It’s a delight to watch Eddie’s eyes widen and face grow red at his explanation, and Steve feels like he discovered the eighth wonder of the world when the other man lets out an honest to god squeak that has no right being as cute as it is.

“What—“ Eddie begins with a strained voice before clearing it and starting over. “What do you mean by that?”

His laughing dislodged Eddie’s hands from his face, so Steve takes the opportunity to mirror the gesture on the metalhead before him. His hands cup squishy and faintly freckled cheeks, thumbs framing his cheekbones and fingers cradling the back of his head. Warmth radiates throughout his palms and up his arms, forming a gooey smile he’s sure looks as lovesick as he feels.

Huh. Lovesick. That’s new. Wait—

Holy shit he’s in love with Eddie Munson.

The realization is not as profound as he’d thought it would be. It’s a gentle understanding, one that washes over him like warm bath water. He knew deep down that he was in love, but the label was never placed upon his feelings. But they were there, and had been for far longer than he realized.

They were there when he stumbled down the steps of the Creel house in the Upside Down, world tilting on its axis as the ground shook. There was screeching all around him, sounds of otherworldly monsters calling out in anger or fear, he didn’t know. Didn’t really care. All he cared about was getting out of that hell, getting topside with everyone still intact.

Then he heard the screaming. The crying. The call for help.

He didn’t wait for Robin or Nancy to follow him, taking off as fast as he could to where Eddie and Dustin were. He didn’t know what to expect, didn’t want to think about the endless things he could find once he entered the trailer park. Didn’t want to think about Dustin or Eddie hurt, about them bleeding out or dy—

No. No, they were fine. They were fine. They had to be.

…Right?

He stumbled up to Eddie’s trailer but there was no sign of them. He looked around, confused and panicked, to find two bodies amongst a mass of withering wings. Time felt like it slowed, like the world had been put on pause. He doesn’t remember the walk over to them, only that he was repeating the mantra of ‘don’t let it be Dustin’ over and over again. But it wasn’t Dustin. It was Eddie.

It was Eddie with the same bites he himself had, except deeper and torn. It was Eddie covered in blood and the ripped remnants of his shirt with tears rolling down his cheeks. It was Eddie lying there motionless, entirely still save for the faint jostling as Dustin sobbed over him. It was Eddie dead. It was—

Eddie’s dead. He’s dead. He—

No. No, no, no, he can’t be dead. He can’t.

There’s too many things he wants—no, needs—to say. He needs to tell him that his crooked smile makes his knees weak. He needs to tell him that he wants to run his fingers through his wild, unruly hair. He needs to tell him that he wants to kiss those soft lips. He needs to tell him he’s felt this way for far too long already. He needs, he needs, he needs.

Afterwards was a blur of desperation, like his body knew it had to do anything it could to save the man before him. He remembers doing CPR, remembers the sickening crunch of bone as ribs snapped that made him want to puke. He remembers leaning over Eddie, watching as his figure distorted with unshed tears, and praying to a god he doesn’t believe in. He remembers watching his tears fall on Eddie’s face and roll down his cheek, leaving clean streaks through the blood splattered there. He remembers leaning down and pressing an ear to his chest.

He remembers the overwhelming amount of pure relief he felt when Eddie started breathing again. He remembers the pained groan Eddie let out as Steve picked him up and carried him out. He remembers that Eddie’s alive.

His feelings were there as he sat in the hospital waiting room bouncing his knee and staring at the doors Eddie disappeared behind. Dustin had been taken back a few minutes earlier to get his leg looked at but all Steve could think about was Eddie.

Was he still alive? Had they managed to stop the bleeding? Were his wounds infected? Did they have to intubate or was he strong enough to breath on his own? Was he awake? Was he in pain? Will he—

“Mr. Harrington, will you come with me please?” A short nurse called from the double doors that led into the hallway. His head snapped up to her, eyes wide like he had been caught doing something he shouldn’t. He looked over at Robin, taking in the way she was chewing on her fingernails and nervously glancing around. He patted her knee before he stood up, wincing when the movement pulled at his wounds. He hadn’t had them looked at yet, deciding to let everyone else go first. His wounds weren’t that bad anyway, he got lucky.

He doesn’t feel like he did, really.

As he walked up to her, he could feel her eyes on him. Could feel her scanning him. Assessing him. It made him nervous. But then she smiled that polite nurse smile and it eased just a little bit.

“Mr. Harrington, are you here for Mr. Munson?”

“Uh, yes, ma’am,” he answered, even though he’s sure she knew who he was here for. When he busted through the emergency room doors with Eddie’s body in his arms, they refused to see him. Said they didn’t want to treat a murderer. Admittedly, what Steve did wasn’t inherently right but having the Harrington name pays off sometimes. Especially when your family is one of the main funders for the hospital.

“I can’t tell you much since you’re not legally related, but I will say that he is currently stable. Unfortunately, that’s the extent of the information I’m allowed to give you,” she informed, a sad look in her eyes. “Is there anyone we can contact who is related to Mr. Munson?”

“His uh… his uncle, Wayne Munson,” Steve supplied. “He works at the local plant if that’s any help.”

He really wished it would.

“Thank you, we’ll start trying to locate him,” she responded. “Meanwhile, I think you should have that looked at.”

Steve followed her gaze to where his wounds were, noticing that they had started bleeding again. The makeshift bandage Nancy had fastened was loose from hauling Eddie, and he’s surprised no one told him to see to it sooner.

He grimaces as he looks at her, the pain flooding back to the surface once he realized it had yet to be taken care of, and nods. “Yeah, I think uh… I think you’re right.”

As soon as he walked back out to the waiting room after he was patched up, the emergency doors burst open to reveal a middle-aged man. He was gray-headed and slightly balding, wearing an old flannel and dirty jeans as he bee-lined for the reception desk. There was no doubt that this was Wayne Munson; he had Eddie’s eyes.

The nurse at the desk was talking to him, and every word seemed to suck more of the life from Wayne’s eyes. She pointed to Steve, and he felt frozen as Wayne looked over at him. He managed a smile and a small wave, but then Wayne was walking over to him and his stomach dropped.

“The lady said you brought my boy in?” Wayne asked, but his question was more of a statement than anything. It made Steve nervous to have the man look at him expectantly, like he had answers. Like he had something to do with Eddie being where he is now. In a way, he does.

“Yes, sir, I did. We were together when the… when the earthquake hit,” he supplies, forgetting what the cover story was halfway through. He gestured to the rest of the Party sitting in the room, half of them asleep and slumped over while the rest were wound tight and pacing. “The doctors didn’t wanna see him when we got here.”

“She said you were a Harrington,” Wayne stated. His eyes were cold and hard, face giving away nothing. It made Steve’s blood freeze. His name carries a lot of weight, yes, but it’s not the good kind. People hear his name and sneer. They think of all the rich, posh assholes he’s still neighbors with. They think of his parents with their vacations and mansions and money they throw at problems to make them go away, including Steve. No one thinks the Harringtons are good people, and Wayne seems to feel the same.

“By birth, yes, but respectfully, the Harringtons can go fuck themselves.”

It brings a surprised huff out of the older man, some warmth flooding back into his eyes at Steve’s blunt remark. He puts a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it slightly in a way that makes Steve think Wayne almost wants to hug him.

“Thank you for saving my boy…?” Wayne trailed off, raising an eyebrow and waiting. It took an embarrassingly long moment for him to realize what he wanted.

“Uh, Steve, sir. It’s Steve.”

“Steve,” Wayne finished. He gave what Steve thinks was an approximation of a smile, squeezing his shoulder once more before removing his hand. “You’re a good kid, Steve. Think you could do my boy some good if ya stick around.”

The sentiment made Steve smile a little. “If he’ll let me, I’ll stay as long as he’d like.”

“I don’t think you’ll have any problem with that, Steve,” Wayne answered mysteriously before he disappeared behind the double doors leading to the hallway, presumedly to find Eddie. Steve watched him go, watched the doors close behind his retreating back. He sighed before sitting down beside Robin, leaning his head on her shoulder and waited.

Now, he’s tired of waiting.

“It means, Eds, that I should’ve kissed you sooner,” Steve confesses, relishing in the second squeak Eddie lets out. “I should’ve kissed you in the woods in the Upside Down after you helped fight off the demobats, and again in the RV after you called me ‘big boy’—which I did like, by the way.

“I should’ve kissed you when you said to make Vecna pay, and again when you were bleeding out in my arms, and again when you woke up in the hospital because, Eds, I was so goddamn happy you were alive.

“I should’ve kissed you when I picked up the kids from their first Hellfire meeting after spring break from Hell, after they all bounded out of the trailer like puppies high on adrenaline and talking a mile a minute. You had come out with a huge smile on your face as you watched them from the front porch, arms crossed and leaning against the railing. I remember they wanted to tell me about the new villain you had come up with and you had told them to ‘give your mother some space, she’s had a long day’. Ever since then I’ve been ‘mom’, thanks to you,” Steve recalls, smiling at the memory rolling his eyes at both Eddie’s and the kid’s antics.

“I should’ve kissed you all those times you came into Family Video. Should’ve dragged you in the break room and kissed you senseless until Robin banged on the door,” Steve finishes. During his rant, a grin steadily grew on Eddie’s face, fully displaying his dimples. Steve finally gives into temptation and traces them with his thumb, easily finding the subtle divot and grazing over it gently.

“Sounds like we have a lot of time to make up for,” Eddie all but whispers, voice raspy and petal-soft. His eyes are fixated on Steve’s lips, and he can’t help but dart his tongue out to wet them to watch the way Eddie tracks the movement. Steve smiles and leans in a little.

“We do,” he agrees before using his grip to pull Eddie into a kiss. Their mouths slot together like they were always meant to, lips meeting in the middle and eyes softly closing.

Kissing Eddie Munson is like nothing he’d ever imagined. Eddie is a whirlwind, loud and brash with an attitude and sass for days. Steve thought he would kiss like he acts, thought it would be rough and all-consuming but this… this kiss is sweet. Just like how Eddie really is underneath everything else.

It’s slow and deliberate, like Eddie is trying to savor it as much as he can. Steve can’t deny that he is too, that he’s committing every second of this to memory and filing it away in the open box with Eddie’s name on it in his mind.

There’s a thrum under his skin, a growing electricity that bubbles and pops beneath his lips. It’s been years since he felt it, that intensity of a good kiss with the right person. He wants to chase it, wants it to consume him wholly until all he can feel is the zing of Eddie’s skin touching his.

Steve pulls him closer with the grip on his hair, opening his mouth slightly wider and delighting in the way Eddie’s tongue sneaks in to trace the line of his teeth. He smiles into the kiss, and Eddie does too, until they’re less than kissing and more like breathing each other in. Eddie giggles against his lips and Steve soon follows, their laughter growing until tears spring in their eyes.

Steve is the first to compose himself, dropping his arms to rest around the others shoulders and taking a breath before resting his forehead against Eddie’s. He can’t wipe the smile off his face and could never find reason enough to want to. He’s finally here, sitting in Eddie’s lap and being held like he matters.

“We’re idiots,” he murmurs, going cross-eyed as he tries to look in Eddie’s eyes. He smiles when Eddie tries to look back, going cross-eyed as well. He feels Eddie nod against him in agreement. “Total morons.”

Steve giggles at the blunt statement, closing his eyes and relishing in the fact that he has this now. This beautiful person who he can kiss and laugh and cry with and feel safe in a way he hasn’t felt in years. Robin is a saint, yes, but she—

He cuts his thoughts off with a groan as a realization washes over him, dropping his head to Eddie’s shoulder. He feels more than hears Eddie chuckle underneath him and smiles when he feels arms come up to wrap around his waist.

“What’s wrong, Stevie?” Eddie asks softly. Steve groans again for good measure, making sure to up the dramatics as much as possible.

“Robin’s gonna be so pissed at me,” he supplies.

Eddie hums underneath him. “Why’s that?”

Steve lifts his head to look at him, a cheeky smile on his face. “‘Cause I got a boyfriend first.”

It’s a half-truth, Steve deciding to play it safe in case Eddie doesn’t know. No relationship is worth outing a platonic soulmate, that much he does know.

Whether he knows or not, Eddie doesn’t show. Instead, a grin overtakes his face as a blush settles high on his cheeks. Eddie pulls back a little to get a good look at his face, eyes searching for something. “Do you mean it?”

“I’d want it more than anything in the world, Eds,” he murmurs, fingers lacing behind his neck and thumb brushing the tiny curly hairs found there.

Eddie takes a breath under him, shoulders rising with the action. Before Steve knows it, he’s being thrown off his very warm and very comfortable lap to flop against the stiff couch cushions. He’s about to protest, to ask what the hell that was for, but the sight before him makes the words die in his throat.

Eddie’s honest to god dancing around his living room, wagging his tight little ass around while fist-pumping the air. His hair bounces around and falls in his face, but nothing can obscure the blinding smile there. His dimples are on full display once again, and Steve finds that he could get used to seeing them everyday.

Steve laughs at his antics, which now include miming an incredibly complicated air guitar solo and head banging to imaginary music. This. This is the total dork of a man he managed to fall for. The thought makes him smile and watch his boy.

His boy. He likes the sound of that.

Next thing he knows, Eddie’s tackling him into the couch. Knees land on either side of his thighs and hands push his shoulders into the cushions before resting just above them. His hair tie has fallen out, causing a curtain of hair to block off anything other than Eddie’s face and making it seem like it’s only the two of them in the whole world.

Kisses are pressed to his face; both of his cheeks, the middle of his forehead, the tip of his nose, and all too briefly, his mouth. Eddie pulls back just so, the tips of their noses brushing.

“I would love to be your boyfriend,” he says through a smile.

Steve huffs a laugh, smiling at the man above him. “I kinda got that from the whole dance routine, Eds. Been practicing much?”

“Shut up,” Eddie groans while blushing, dropping his head so the curtain of hair hides him.

Steve tucks a chunk of hair behind Eddie’s ear. “Make me.”

Eddie looks up at him through his lashes, giving him a wolfish grin that briefly makes his stomach drop and tingles spread out over his skin. The other man leans down, flickering his eyes between Steve’s and his lips before kissing him.

This one is filled with warmth, so much so it reminds him of Joyce’s kitchen at the barbecue yet far more intense. It fills him with something akin to a warm summer morning, where dewdrops still grace the blades of grass and the sun makes them twinkle in the growing light.

It takes a second for him to realize that the feeling is happiness, that kissing Eddie makes him happy. It’s enough to make him almost start tearing up again, as he had resigned himself to never feeling this way again. He only hopes Eddie doesn’t—

Eddie notices. Of course he does, he notices almost everything—almost being a big word here. He pulls away, leaning on one elbow in order to prop himself up while the other hand finds its way to Steve’s cheek. His brows are furrowed, forming that little worry line between them as he looks down at him.

“Stevie, what’s wrong?” Eddie questions but Steve just shakes his head.

“Nothing’s wrong, Eds, promise.”

Those words grant him a look, one that says the other doesn’t believe him, and Steve rolls his eyes because really, he’s fine. The affronted look on Eddie’s face causes him to laugh wetly, making him realize he must be closer to crying than he initially thought.

“Nothing’s wrong, I just…” he pauses to sniffle. “I just realized something.”

“What is it?” Eddie asks before wiping a tear away from the corner of Steve’s eye with his thumb. The action makes him smile, a juxtaposition to his crying.

“I’m happy,” he confesses. “I’m genuinely fucking happy for the first time in ages and this,” he pauses and grabs Eddie’s face gently, barely cradling his jaw in his hands. “You make me happy.”

He watches Eddie go soft, his tense posture from worrying going slack. His big brown eyes fill with pure love as he leans in again, kissing Steve. That’s what the third kiss feels like; love.

It feels like coming home after a long day and cuddling on the couch, sharing lazy kisses while watching trashy TV and eating shitty fast food. It feels like dancing in the kitchen to a song on the radio, singing the lyrics to one another without a care in the world if it sounds bad. It feels like holding each other in the night, soothing away nightmares with gentle touches and soft kisses and kind words.

Steve sighs into the kiss, opening up and deepening it just a little before dragging Eddie down on top of him. Eddie squawks and flops on him, his body weight grounding Steve and making him feel present, real. He huffs, the air tickling Steve’s throat where his head landed, causing Steve to roll his eyes at his antics while pulling the blanket on the back of the couch over the both of them.

“If you wanted to cuddle, you could’ve just said so,” Eddie mumbles, voice muffled from both the blanket and his position over Steve. Steve only smiles, a hand finding Eddie’s hair to idly play with it.

“What’s the fun in that?” He counters. He feels Eddie shrug before shuffling around to get more comfortable, ending up curled on his chest with an arm wrapped tight around his waist.

Steve kisses the top of Eddie’s head before settling down himself, closing his eyes and listening to the steady breathing of the other man paired with the thu-thump of his heart. As he does so, he thinks that maybe he’s not as alone as he’d thought. That maybe, just maybe, he really is cut out for love.

———

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[azaharinflames]

what if all of this is just part of the will they/won't they slow burn- plan, make us believe buck has moved on in ep7-8? have him being single and dating other people of screen for a few months, so when 8b starts we can see how much he still misses tommy?

not giving up hope yet(unless eddie comes out in ep 7-8 or something, that would be the end of bucktommy).

Inside me lives two wolves:

-They are setting up Buck finally deciding to fight, for once, and this is a misdirection. As in, Maddie and Chimney insist he has to move on and get back there, but Buck instead decides he wants to work on himself, see what Tommy meant, and then fight for him.

-They will end the episode with Buck packing his baking stuff up, and looking at life in a new light, ready to move on and take on the world or whatever.

Because, as much as I want to be an optimistic person, I am not, right now my bet is for the second option. I would love more than anything for the show to prove me incredibly wrong, but with how bizarre they've been writing this season...

It's like @seddair mentioned in the reblogs of my other posts - this is the show that had the famous quote 'you don't find it, son, you make it'. That was something that deeply impacted Buck, and something that for once should motivate him to make it. Yet the show somehow has forgotten this. Because why make our characters grow when they can go on endless cycles.

As for Buddie, without wanting to sound mean (please know it is never directed at you, anon):

No.

If there is one thing Ryan has made crystal clear lately, is that Eddie is straight. And his reasoning behind this is one I admire and I deeply respect. Could one argue he is bluffing to not reveal spoilers? Sure but it doesn't make sense. He's very clear in his intentions, and we know Tim won't force his actors to do something they truly don't want to do, so I honestly don't think he'd force Ryan to do Buddie if Ryan truly doesn't want to. Which, we are seeing, he doesn't.

[arabella-s-arts]

I watched the newest 9-1-1 episode this morning. And I am really sad about it.

I honestly didn't see this coming. Tommy was just so different from a lot of Buck's previous love interests. And not just because he is a guy. But for lots of reasons. For one, he was a preexisting character that wasn't just introduced as Buck's love interest. When he was in a relationship with Buck, it was so healthy. He was always there when Buck needed him, and was so thoughtful. Tommy has seen Buck at his worst and didn't run away. He's so understanding, and he is also a firefighter, which means that he gets the job, which is helpful since that was a point of contention for Buck and a couple of his exes. And Buck was clearly so at ease with Tommy. Also, Tommy was already close, or became close with other members of the 118. He and Chim are already friends, and he became quick friends with Eddie, and got along with Christopher. He was just so intertwined with the main cast, it felt unnatural for that to be taken away.

It also just felt like they were setting a lot of things up to happen. I thought we were going to learn more about Tommy's dad. It also seemed like they were setting up for Tommy to become part of the main group: he expressed his jelousy about the 118 becoming a family and him not being in it, there was also that scene with the group chat and it felt like Tommy was later going to be added to it. So it sucks that that's never going to happen now. He wanted a family, and now we might never see him again. Also, what was the point of Tommy being the only one who calls Buck "Evan," it felt important, but now he's gone, so it doesn't feel like it mattered at all anymore. And Tommy mentioned how nice Buck's place is, so it felt like he was going to move in later (though, can't blame him for saying no, dude's got a car lift, and a muay thai practice area).

The whole episode, Tommy felt kind of off, compared to how he acted the episode before. Just slightly out of character at times. Like, I feel like the way he talked about Abby didn't seem entirely in character. And him getting Buck basketball tickets, even though Buck doesn't like basketball. Tommy was presented as a good listener, and Buck talks a lot, it would have come up at some point that Buck doesn't actually like basketball. And that breakup felt incredibly annoying to me. Because the reasoning was basically since Tommy is Buck's first boyfriend, he's unlikely to be his last. But it's not like Buck has never been in serious relationships before, and I understand being with a guy for the first time might be treated slightly different because it's new and exciting, but I don't think that makes the relationship any less valid. And comparing it with literally the episode before, it seemed to come so out of left field. I'd understand it if this was a plotline where Tommy was scared of getting his heart broken, but later realized that he cares too much about Buck to end things prematurely, and he shouldn't let his fear get in the way. But Lou was saying his goodbyes, so I doubt it's that.

Also, the whole breakup felt like it had this undercurrent of biphobia. But I need to rewatch the scene before I can break that down.

For what this scene means to Buck's bisexuality... not much actually. Besides the biphobic vibe I mentioned earlier, it doesn't change the fact that Buck is bi. I know a lot of people are upset about Oliver's comment. And I completely get why, since there's nothing wrong with sleeping around, but Buck's a character who's arc involved him no longer sleeping around, and now that he's bi, he might be doing that again. I totally understand why that is hurtful. For me, I don't really have a problem with his comment, just because I feel like Buck's not going to be looking for another serious relationship right now, since he just got out of one (and he wasn't the one who ended things). So I get him sleeping around. I don't think he needs to sleep around to "find himself" or whatever. I feel like I should mention that I'm not bisexual, I'm aroace, so my opinion on this isn't as important as actual bi people's. Also, I don't know what Oliver's exact comment was, I just heard second hand, so I might come back and edit this section after actually reading the exact phrasing.

Anyway, the whole thing just makes me really sad for Buck. But mainly sad for Tommy, who had grown to be such as interesting character, with a interesting backstory that we will never fully get to know. Sad for Tommy because he wanted a family, and it seemed like he was going to get one, just for it all to be taken away from him.

[mister-mykal]

9-1-1 8x06 Thoughts on the Buck, Eddie, and Tommy of it all

Okay I have like almost no followers, which makes sense because I usually only normally lurk here. I'm also sure none of my followers are into 9-1-1 here, but I just need to scream into the void on the off chance someone sees this. None of my friends watch this show so I really just hope even just one person reads this and makes me feel a little less foolish because a lot of the discourse here is so "us vs them" and black-and-white. This is gonna be obnoxiously long, so I don't expect anyone to read all this, if any of it, but I'll put a TL;DR at the end. I will not be bashing Tommy or Eddie in this post! Also I'm typing while it's late for me and my ADHD makes me a horrible proofreader, so sorry for typos and the such.

I hate fandom drama, I cannot care less about whatever beef bucktommy stans and buddie stans have I've been trying to mostly ignore it. I'm just upset if this ends up being sloppy writing on the 9-1-1 team's part. I'm gonna try to be nuanced about how I felt about 8x06 because I feel like there is a way to do this and not completely screw the writing for either Tommy or Eddie.

Tommy does not have to be endgame, that is fine. I think Eddie is definitely more popular with the fans and plenty of people love a good slow burn. Their chemistry is also undeniable. But plenty of people enjoy Tommy too, despite his cavalcade of haters. And to have thrown away what seemed like a character arc in the making for him seems like a waste if this is the last we see of him? I hear he's going to be in at least one more episode, so I hope they do that justice. I don't need them back together, I just need this to make better sense.

I know people really hate Lou and Tommy, but I'm pretty neutral about him. (Idk how true the very little things I've see about Lou is because I keep hearing he's homophobic, misogynistic, racist, etc. but I have not be able to find any receipts. If it is true, that sucks and I get why they would try to write someone like that out of the show. However, just I'm gonna focus on it from purely a story perspective right now.) I enjoy seeing Buck happy after all the shit he's gone through in his past relationships. I was cautiously optimistic from the interviews that said he was finally "getting of the hamster wheel". But yet again, Buck loves with his whole heart and has his hopes dashed. It would have been one thing if Buck was the one who ended things, but really? This again? He doesn't need his heart broken AGAIN. I don't care who Buck ends up with, I just want him to be happy and secure with whatever partner he chooses.

Why bring back a previously established character who has some growing to do and then throw them away again? Boooo, if they wanted Buck and Eddie's queer awakening arcs to happen separately, and weren't interested in expanding Tommy's character, they should have just set up Buck with random throwaway guy. Otherwise it's just drama for the sake of drama instead of something that's in greater service to the narrative or character writing. Tommy becoming Eddie's friend first especially feels too intentional. Tommy already having established relationships with Hen, Chim, and Bobby feels too intentional.

Tommy's insecure feelings over Buck eventually choosing someone else, likely Eddie, over him is incredibly real and make sense. He's never felt like he's had a place to belong in general. He's jealous of the 118, he's jealous and threatened by Eddie's relationship with Buck. Honestly, I also wouldn't be surprised if Eddie was the one who caught his eye at first because it's not that hard to clock Eddie if we're being honest. It's pretty clear Tommy was baffled that Buck was fighting to get his attention over Eddie's. Why set up this arc and end it before it's even started? If there's a ever a starting point for Tommy to grow, it's right here and now. Otherwise it makes no sense.

At the same time, Eddie's character writing makes ZERO sense if he isn't a deeply closeted gay man (or at least asexual, but that's unlikely, especially with the way they've been positioning Buck and Eddie for the longest, and especially the way they position Eddie and the Hot That whole interaction with the hot priest and the mustache, beard, fruit juice, plenty of metaphor we all picked up on that. Never has an actual straight character said "no offense, I'm straight" like that within the context of the surrounding narrative. Like come on? Denying yourself FRUIT JUICE? Denying yourself joy?? which gay used to be a synonym for? Girl, please. And even with Josh's speech a bit? I think it's obvious enough that it could also be extended to Eddie, even though he's closer to Buck's age. Growing up Catholic is pretty rough for queer people.

On top of the fact that there are plenty of other hints while he did/does have love for Shannon, it was almost always in the context of that she is the mother of his child. He literally had a panic attack over someone mistaking Ana for his wife, and over their relationship starting to get serious. Ana is a lovely lady that most men that are attracted to women would be happy to have... so what's the issue, really? And then he only thinks about staying with her simply because she could be the new mother to his child. Be so for real.

And Eddie honestly has been pretty awful to the women he has dated, and you can either choose to read that as him being a chauvinistic, exploitative pig (doesn't really align with the rest of his character), or someone deeply in the closet who doesn't really want to be with a woman. (yeah, that's sounds more accurate.)

We can reconcile all of this though. Buck more than likely has romantic feelings for Eddie, I think it'd be silly to think otherwise, but even though Buck has figured out who he is, it doesn't mean Eddie has yet. He's made progress, but he has at least a little ways to go left. As far as Buck knows, Eddie is straight in this moment. He's never hesitated to write him off as his "best friend", while Eddie... well, he'll realize he's in love with Buck soon enough.

Still, I feel like it's a bit disingenuous to say that Buck doesn't care about Tommy at all, he is clearly hurt by the break up. At the very least, even if they don't get back together at all, they need to talk this out like adults and have Tommy explain himself better, because it's obvious Tommy has walls from from past experiences. Doesn't make it okay that he did Buck like that, but no one on this show has been perfect so... 🙄 At the very least we should get that one episode from that "See you around, Buck" (Ouch, Tommy. Though I feel like that was more so Tommy distancing himself to Buck to protect himself more than to hurt Buck.) Though just as easily, we might only ever see him here and there again on calls that require air support so who knows. 🤷🏾

There were some pretty obvious parallels set up between Abby and Tommy this episode. Abby and Tommy were both firsts for Buck, they're both around the same, older age. Both of them are experienced and life and deeply lonely, so how could they possibly turn away someone who has as much love to give as Buck does? Both of them are, seemingly, just stepping stones on Buck's way to self discovery. Buck even says it himself, he calls their relationships "transformative", but obviously because the experiences Tommy has had as an older queer man, he's probably not a stranger to beings someone's flyover until they get to their actual destination. I understand why he would want to protect himself like that.

Even if that's the case, I don't think Buck would want to leave things like this. I know in one of the interviews Oliver says Buck is be heavily considering if he wants to fight for this or not, but at the very least I hope they've shown his growth and showcase his emotional intelligence by calling out Tommy that it's not fair to him to sorta decide how he feels, even if it is Buck's first relationship with a man.

It's far from Buck's first relationship and idk, it feels a little icky to tell the bi person to go fool around a be a slut when he's said that he's tired of sleeping around and wants to settle down. That can just be a character flaw with Tommy (I've met plenty of biphobic monosexual queer people), but at the very least can't Buck call him out on it? Let them have a more mature, complete conversation and let Tommy say the quiet part aloud. At the very least, I get Tommy's intention, he doesn't want Buck to have any regrets, but I don't think he knows just how much he's hurt him and how many times he's been through the situation.

Something really upsetting, even though Tommy has had his problems and hasn't been the greatest person, really sad about any closeted queer person who's been nasty, but much of it came from circumstance, not getting a chance to grow after they literally set that up with the script. Well, you do you I guess. At the very least if Tommy is nothing more than a plot device, couldn't you have let Buck come to conclusion they should break up and give him even an ounce of power in his romantic pursuits for once? Instead of the one loving too hard and too fast and hurting from it? The interview where (I don't remember who exactly) said we wont be seeing much more of Tommy, if at all really annoys me because if this is it? Ugh. That break up didn't feel conclusive at at all.

TL;DR: Wasting a previously established character as a plot device after setting up what seemed like some sort of character arc for him even if he wasn't Buck's endgame seems like really sloppy writing if you decide to discard him back into the obscurity for the rest of the series. It feels like a cheap way to add extra drama and the implications and situations you could create from at least dragging this out a little bit more could create a more satisfying resolution to this at the very least. Why retread old ground again when you said that you wouldn't and waste all the potential you were setting this up with this scenario? It still seems unresolved, so hopefully this tie this up, regardless of who Buck ends with in the end (because the focus really should be on Buck finally getting the love and care that he deserves in a romantic relationship, or at least getting to end one amicably.)

Anyway tear me apart, ignore me, whatever. IDC anymore.

[maybebitterxox]

9-1-1 Fall Finale (S8 Episode 8) Spoilers!!!

Ok so. The Buddie insanity is STRONG right now.

The Eddie moving thing has made it very clear that we’re gonna get a breakdown this season. This big, impulsive change with the both of them in such fragile states is 100% gonna result in one or both of them losing it at some point. Right now, my money’s on Buck, because:

In the scene, they focus on Buck’s reaction to the news, having lingering shots of his expressions and explicitly showing how his face falls the second Eddie leaves the room, holding on his disbelieving look. This all but confirms that his POV in this whole situation is gonna be important.

His whole thing with Tommy. Buck already feels incredibly hurt from one person he cared about leaving, and Eddie also leaving is likely going to feel like salt pepper spray in the wound, even though he knows that it’s “for the best”. I can imagine that he’ll have an inner conflict where he struggles between trying to be supportive and optimistic for Eddie’s sake, and just feeling utterly miserable about it.

His past with Abby. Her name has already been brought up out of the blue this season, which could mean nothing, but… I think Buck’s seen this film before, and mans did NOT like the ending. I wouldn’t be surprised if he starts to project his painful experience with her onto the whole situation, and maybe his realisation could even come from him connecting how similar his feelings towards Abby leaving and Eddie moving are.

Buck worries about Eddie very often; and with good reason. He’s seen Eddie get himself into similar things before, such as when he left the 118, and he’s witnessed how Eddie has crumbled in the aftermath. And we know he’s been keeping an eye on Eddie since Christopher has been gone. I honestly think it’d be out of character for him NOT to start panicking and worrying about what will happen to Eddie if things don’t work out. This anxiety, on top of everything else, definitely has the potential to result in a full-on crisis

We’ve all seen Buck’s reactions to thinking he’s losing/that he will lose Eddie before. I love him, but there’s no way he’s gonna be able to cope lmao

It’s likely that I’m just being way too hopeful and looking too deep into things, but I’ve officially decided that I don’t care and that I will make as many silly little theories and predictions as I like. Have a good day