#honestly speaking idk why she hates me when it was her who tried to my then bf now ex to cheat on me like 😭 all i did was break up w him &

[chappellrroan]

lord give me strength for whatever this evening is about to become

[nereidprinc3ss]

do you believe me now? | 8

it's the morning after. spencer reid suspects you’re left with some doubts after losing your virginity to him. he has to figure out why—which is hard when you're keeping secrets.

series masterlist

this series is 18+ warnings/tags: fem!reader, blood related to losing virginity (dramatized for the drama duh), super vague allusions to the BAU being hungover, mild blasphemy if anyone even cares, pondering god bc am I really a fanfic writer if I don’t get a little religious w it, emily AND hotch are here and nobody knows why pls don't pay attention to that bc we are imagining like season 11/12 spencer and I'm inconsistent w who is unit chief in this series apparently, spencer slut lore, spencer emotional wounds lore, Spencer is a traumatic situationship survivor a/n: DADDYS HOMEEEEE (me and dybmn not spencer) anyway missed these little guys and am happy to be writing for them again!! idk what my upload schedule will becoming back to this but pls lmk what u think of this part, I have no idea how you will respond but I'm being brave and ily

Friday morning Spencer comes into the office fifteen minutes late (he tried his best), in yesterday’s suit (everything in his go-bag had been too wrinkled), hair messy (no doubt from your fingers), coffee cold (he’s exhausted) and overall, in an excellent mood.

The rest of the team isn’t faring quite as well—Spencer gathers they stayed at the bar celebrating Derek’s birthday a lot later than he had. It shows through sallow skin and dark circles and the grimaces he receives on the way to his desk that are probably supposed to approximate good morning’s. 

Honestly, he doesn’t mind the dull mood—he doesn’t need the teasing and the prying questions that would be sure to come if his co-workers were at peak performance and were able to put together his unusually perky demeanor and disheveled appearance. At least Prentiss doesn’t appear to be paying him any mind. She’s always the one who can read him like an open book and has no shame in doing so aloud. Echoes from years of, ‘so who was the lucky girl, last night, Reid?’ Still ring through his mind and it’s like he can feel her finger prodding at his side. 

The Emily of it all makes him smile, though the rest of the memory leaves a metal tang in his mouth. Back in those days, there were sometimes a lot of girls, but even then he was consciously aware he wasn’t necessarily doing something he enjoyed. He spent a lot of time, actually, staring at his bedroom ceiling, psychoanalyzing himself. Repetition compulsion. The insatiable desire to repeat or reenact emotionally painful experiences. Maybe he thought if he could teach himself to subsist off of emotionless hookups, he could in some way heal from his experience with Elle. Though, he’s hesitant to think of it now as healing—it’s not like he didn’t know what he was doing when a few nights after she said I don’t feel the same I’m sorry he opened up his front door for her. It’s not like he didn’t know what he was doing every time after that. So, maybe heal isn’t the right word, when one doesn’t have the right to be injured. Or when the injuries are, in a manner of speaking, self-inflicted. At the very least he could tell himself that this time around, meaningless sex was a choice he was making for himself. Spencer hates when things just happen to him. 

But you—you’re different. You were a complete surprise. At first, a cute and unexpected complication. After a few painful and short-lived attempts at real relationships, Spencer decided he was simply not to be trusted with emotional intimacy of any kind, including that which inevitably develops from physical intimacy, and would resign himself to a life of celibacy. He tried not to like you, but you were just so damn likable. Magnetic, to use a trite and perfectly honest turn of phrase. All that to say: he doesn’t regret you at all. There is no filter of putrid shame or anguish over his memories of last night. 

Just you. Perfect. Starlit. Glowing softly around the edges like you’re not even real. 

I love you I love you I love you. A hymn with no melody. You, always reminding him exactly why he is decidedly not a man of faith. At least, not in the typical sense of the word. 

How God became the idol and not Mary is lost on him. That’s why, Spencer supposes, tapping an eraser on his desk, marriage and sex were forbidden for so many ecclesiastics. After all, if they knew what it was to love a woman, specifically to love you, he doubts they’d feel like spending much time in the pulpit. Love. Humans had that long before they had any gods. It’s primeval. It’s the most natural manifestation of devotion and worship. It will always have come first. Isn’t it a better kind of religion when a man realizes he can kneel in front of a woman rather than an altar?

A heavy hand falling on his shoulder jolts him from his theological musings—which are in all practicality useless. What’s that saying about blasphemous thinking on the FBI’s dime? Right. There isn’t one. 

“I’m scared to ask,” Morgan says as Spencer jumps slightly in his chair. 

“What?” He mumbles, looking up from the document he’d only sort of been reading.

Morgan just looks at him, strong brows furrowed and a ditch between them, angles his head and glances to the side as if Spencer is missing the obvious. He almost follows Derek’s eye-line. When that doesn’t work, Derek just says your name. Like your status is somehow in question. 

“Did you two work things out, or not? It looked pretty bad when you guys were leaving last night.”

People often misunderstand an eidetic memory. It’s not like things can’t slip his mind—Spencer can actually be quite forgetful. It’s made worse by the fact that last night at the bar feels like months ago. For a moment, he has no idea what Derek is referring to. 

“Oh. Oh! Right, we—right. Yeah, we, uh—we worked it out.” Before Derek has a chance to read his face, no doubt as incriminating as his fumbled speech and an ill-timed throat clearing, he turns back to his paperwork. “Thanks for keeping an eye on her at the bar. I appreciate that.”

It’s quiet for a moment, and Spencer’s lips twist as he can feel the incoming inappropriate comment. 

“Is that the same suit you were wearing last night?” Morgan quips, his wide grin audible. Spencer can practically hear the cartoon gleam of his friend’s bleached teeth. 

“No.”

“You dog.” Derek is still smiling as he claps Spencer’s shoulder again. “What did you say to her that worked so well?”

Spencer clears his throat again and tries to look extremely involved in logging onto his computer, speaking quickly as if he’s beyond disinterested and can’t wait for the exchange to be over. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m actually trying to work so if you wouldn’t mind going back to your desk that would be great.” 

“Uh-huh. I’ll let you work. But I see you, pretty boy.”

Spencer tries not to blush like a teenager as he refuses to look up. 

Naturally the rest of the day is a slow descent into dread and madness as all those good feelings with which Spencer had started his morning begin to harden into something much worse, chilled by your lack of response to the text he sent you earlier. Which was essentially a rehashing of the note he left on your bedside table. 

Maybe it was too much. It should’ve been one or the other, but not both. He’s overwhelmed you. 

Okay, so maybe this is what religion is for. A last ditch effort when you can’t talk to your girlfriend so you have to try talking to God. 

But Spencer knows you, and he knows something is wrong. You wouldn’t just ice him out so blatantly if everything was okay. He catches himself glancing up toward Hotch’s window to see if the blinds are drawn, and considers faking an illness to get out of work early and go check on you. But he powers through the remaining hour and a half that he is obligated to stay at work, he bounces a pencil between his fingers, drums at his desk, and gets nothing else done. As soon as 4:59 rolls around, he’s out. 

Spencer can hear shuffling on the other side of your door as he stands in the hallway. A pot clatters. The walls hum with the rush of water through the pipes to your sink. He knocks, relieved that you’re okay and at the same time struggling with that weight on his chest—something cold that leans over his shoulders and whispers into his ear—so she just didn’t want to talk to you. 

Suddenly all sound from inside your unit ceases. For a few long seconds, Spencer’s confusion only grows exponentially. 

“Who is it?” You finally call, voice wavering. Also odd. Usually you just open the door. 

“Um… Spencer?”

“As in my boyfriend Spencer?”

He frowns, bottom lip jutting out ever so slightly as he tries to decipher your sudden paranoia. “I hope so?”

The click and jingle of several locks precipitates your much-anticipated reveal. 

“Come in,” you say breathlessly, more harried than usual and not giving him the tender greeting he’s selfishly become accustomed to—barely even giving him a second to look at you. But he steps inside, watching on in concern as you do up every single lock—the one on the knob, the deadbolt, even the chain. Is this really all because of his little comment last night about anyone being able to get in? He certainly hopes not. He didn’t mean to terrify you. 

When you finally turn, he takes stock of your appearance. Big hoodie, pajama pants patterned in little hearts. Hair pulled back hastily. Your skin is sort of dull where you normally glow. But you’re beautiful, like always. It always aches just a little bit to look at you. Spencer’s always been like that. Going breathless at a particularly good piece of art or pretty girl. Like yourself. Mostly you. 

You quickly turn to hurry back into the kitchen. “I was trying to make dinner, I—”

“Hold on,” he interrupts, stopping you with a hand on your stomach that is so non-demanding it’s really mostly a suggestion. He tries to clear his head, though you make it hard. “You didn’t talk to me all day. Not that you have to, but… I was worried.”

You glance at the floor and mumble, “I lost my phone,” with so much embarrassment he believes you’re telling the truth. “Did you, um—did you text me?”

Insecurity. Spencer knows well what it looks like on you. He softens. You weren’t ignoring him—but you’d been left in a vulnerable state without any ability to contact him or anyone. That couldn’t have been comfortable. 

“Of course I did.” He pauses to observe you. Still anxious. Still prepared to run at any second. Something, and he’s not sure what, did a number on you today. Maybe it’s sheer exhaustion, maybe it was the anxiety of not having your phone. But he has to figure out what it is so he can undo it. “What? What’s wrong?”

He watches your breathing pause—watches your eyes gloss over with tears and a frown contort your features. Oh, god. He’s done something terribly wrong. It’s been thirty seconds and he’s done something wrong. 

“Can we sit down? I don’t feel very good.”

“Yeah. Yeah, we can. Whatever you need.”

You cast a baleful look at him and now he has to wonder what that means. Spencer sets his bag on a pulled out dining chair and follows you to the couch where you settle on opposite sides—you’re curled up in the far corner, hugging a pillow to your chest with your legs folded in front of you. Spencer’s heart is beating fast. He doesn’t know what’s going on with you and he can’t figure it out just by looking and you don’t seem eager to tell him. 

He’s exhausted all his typical ways of collecting information, and now he’s at a loss. 

Eventually, the anxiety comes bubbling up. 

“Please talk to me,” he pleads. And you do. Almost instantly, like he stepped on some sort of landmine. 

“I know it’s my own fault for not having my phone on me and not being able to see your texts, but it really sucks that I had to find out from my creepy neighbor that you snuck out in the middle of the night without saying goodbye.”

The whiplash is so strong it’s almost a broken neck. Spencer reels, frowning deeply as he tries to process your impromptu speech, the sudden confrontation. What creepy neighbor?

“I… didn’t. I went to grab my stuff from the car around one, but I came right back. I left at 7:30. You don’t remember me saying goodbye?”

Your brow furrows, and your eyes dart over the design on the rug like you’re watching memories go by. He sees it in your eyes when you recall some hazy image of him holding your face, kissing your cheek more times than was necessary and whispering sweet things against your lips before he had to go. You shrink into the couch, clearly struggling under the combined weight of relief and embarrassment. 

“I forgot. I thought… he said…”

A moment passes and it’s clear you’ve abandoned the sentence. Spencer is concerned about this shadowy male figure who put malicious untruths into your head. He slides his hand under yours and twines your fingers together. Finally, finally you meet his gaze. 

“Someone made you believe I left without saying goodbye.”

And he almost wishes you weren’t looking at him as more tears pool before falling down your cheeks. You nod, and don’t make a sound. 

“No, honey. I didn’t do that. I’m sorry that’s what you’ve been thinking all day.”

“I was worried that you… or that I wasn’t…”

His chest aches. You’d woken up alone, no recollection of his goodbye, and without the comfort of even a text. 

“You didn’t see my note?”

The way you look at him then is heartbreaking. Eyes wide and wet and sad, lip trembling. 

“You left a note?”

Murphy’s Law. Anything that can go wrong, will. 

It must’ve fallen off the bedside table, or maybe he just hadn’t positioned it obviously enough. 

A lost phone, a missed note, and not even a memory of his departure. While none of these things are verifiably Spencer’s fault, he feels so, so guilty. 

“I did,” Spencer says gently, scooting closer and pulling you into him, head pressed to his shoulder as you try not to cry, and he rubs your back slowly. 

Your sulky words are muffled by his shirt. “I didn’t see it. What did it say?”

“A lot of very nice things about you,” he whispers. Spencer thought maybe he could get away with giving you all the sincere compliments you can’t accept face to face through a note you could read while he wasn’t around. That way you couldn’t refute them or stop him. It was a good plan. 

He feels the sigh of relief leaving your body against his neck. 

“I didn’t know.”

“I know. I’m sorry. That’s not… I should’ve just stayed. This is my fault.”

You keep your cheek pressed to his shoulder as you speak. 

“It’s not. You have a job. A really important job. You can’t just call out whenever I want you around.”

Logically he knows you’re right, but he doesn’t always think logically around you. 

“I could’ve made it work. I could’ve come in late, or the team could’ve called me if there was a case, which there wasn’t—”

“Spencer, it’s okay. It’s not your fault. Don’t worry about it.”

He pulls back slightly, frowning at your tone. You do look relieved, much less plagued than you’d been when he arrived minutes ago, but something heavy still weighs you down. The burden of it darkens your eyes and dulls your expression. When he cups your cheek, you glance up at him, and then away once more. 

He speaks softly. “Is that all you wanted to tell me?” 

Again he earns a moment of your eye contact, but it’s fleeting. He watches the words spin around your head as you try to figure out what to do with them—and then choose to remain silent. 

There is in fact something you’re keeping from him. 

Spencer hates to use work tactics on you, but he doesn’t speak either, hoping that you’ll feel compelled to fill the silence with the truth. Knowing how you’re not entirely comfortable with quiet. 

And you try, lips parting and the sound delayed as you wrestle with something you clearly don’t know how to talk about. 

“I… my neighbor,” you say, frowning like you don’t quite know why you’re speaking. “The one who told me he saw you leaving in the middle of the night. He also—he said…”

Spencer brushes hair away from your cheek with a thumb, stroking the high point in gentle passes as your words taper off. Now that he’s thinking about it, he did encounter a man in a dumpy robe standing in the courtyard and smoking a cigarette when he left you tangled in sheets and dozing contentedly to get his bag from the car. In fact, they rode back up to your floor in the elevator in mostly awkward silence. Spencer was sure his outfit told a story—shirt untucked and hastily buttoned only partway, no belt, shoes barely tied, duffel slung over his shoulder—he wasn’t really expecting to run into anyone at such an hour, to be honest, but he hadn’t particularly cared what this man thought of him, so it didn’t cross his mind again.

Now he remembers. 

Long night, huh? I remember those days. 

It was an inappropriate comment, but given his job he’s used to ignoring those. Mostly his mind had been preoccupied with the idea of returning to you, who gave him such a warm and sleepy welcome when he climbed carefully back into your arms several minutes later that it was like he’d never known anyone else at all. 

Now he resents that he hadn’t said anything, he hates the idea that you spoke to this man and he said something to upset you and Spencer wasn’t there. Usually he tries not a judge a book by its cover (metaphorically, of course) but he’s been around enough bad men to know when he’s looking at one. Last night he hadn’t even been cognizant enough to realize they got off on the same floor. 

“What did he say, angel?” Spencer whispers, incapable of being anything but soft with you at the moment. Even though he senses something a lot like a tide of preemptive anger rising in his chest, painted over with layers of anxiety and guilt. He should’ve found a way to stay with you this morning. 

You sniffle and let your head fall again, forehead resting against his collar. Instinctively his hand slides to the back of your neck and even at the awkward angle he finds a way to press his lips to yours hair. “Can we talk about it later? I don’t feel good.”

If it’s making you this uncomfortable, Spencer really wants to know what passed between you and this neighbor. In fact, he’d be willing to bet a lot of your strange behavior this evening stems from something that occurred which you don’t feel comfortable telling him yet. But he manages to bite back anymore questions. He doesn’t want to make you feel interrogated. 

“Yeah, you mentioned that,” he says eventually, kindly, hand tracing down the length of your back and up again. “Why don’t you feel good?”

He doesn’t miss the way you reach up to discreetly wipe your cheek. But he won’t make you talk about anything you don’t want to talk about until you’re ready, and it seems like you’re already having a rough day. Which is not what he wanted. This is so far from what he wanted for you. He’s cursing himself for how he handled this whole situation. 

“Um, I just… I don’t know. I feel… bad. I’m sorry I’m being so weird.”

“You’re not being weird, honey. You had a hard day. You’re having a normal reaction to an abnormal set of circumstances.”

You sit up, sniffing and wiping your tears like you can just make the whole thing go away. 

“No, I am. I am. It’s all okay now, right? So I don’t know why I feel like this. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

He watches helplessly. “Nothing is wrong with you. We’ve… it’s been a big couple of days. Mostly good, but I think you’re probably really tired. Emotionally and physically.” 

You bury your face in your hands and nod silently. He still feels like he’s shooting in the dark, but you’re not entirely comforted yet, and it’s killing him. 

“Whatever you’re feeling is okay. If this is… about last night, or this morning, or something entirely different—regardless of what it’s about, you’re not going to be… in trouble with me if you’re having complicated feelings. And you can talk to me. But it doesn’t have to be right now. We don’t have to figure it out all at once, okay?”

You press the heels of your palms into your eyes, and for a moment, his words sink into silence. When you do raise your head, nodding, the evidence of your discomfort is all over your face—reddened eyes, cheeks polished with wiped tears. But you take a deep breath and try to project whatever it is you think he wants to see. 

The back of your hand is soft under his thumb as he sweeps it, as if he could draw forth more information that way. People speak when they’re ready.

“Is there anything I can do?” He tries, all ramped brow and soft spoken. 

You’re looking at where he’s tracing swirls on your hand as you swallow and blink the last of your tears away. 

“Um… you can say no, but—do you think it would be okay for you to maybe stay again tonight?”

Spencer sucks in a breath, painfully aware that he’s about to let you down. 

“I… I haven’t been home in a week. I’ve been wearing this suit for two days straight and I don’t think I would want to share a bed with me again until I shower.” He watches you wilt and lifts a hand to stroke your hair. “But I do want to spend time with you… do you maybe want to come stay with me instead? No pressure—”

“Okay. Yes. Is that okay?”

Spencer’s brow knits. You seem even more enthused about the idea of going to his apartment, like now that the opportunity has presented itself you can’t wait to get out. Maybe you have some sort of black mold problem. 

“Of course. Do you wanna grab a few things and then we can go?”

“Um—I also haven’t showered today. Do you mind waiting?”

“Sure. Or you could use mine. With supervision, this time.”

Spencer is attempting to make a joke about your unplanned (and unmoderated) stay at his apartment last week after he left—but looking at your face now he’s wondering if he touched a nerve. 

“Like… one at a time? Or…”

He thought maybe you’d be more comfortable around him after last night—and it’s not like he hadn’t seen you naked before then, either.

“Do you wanna do it one at a time?” He asks gently. 

There’s this sparkly sort of longing in your eyes that he’s seen before, but you tamp it down like always. You’re so cautious. About everything. Even the things you’re curious about. It’s sweet and a little sad. 

“I’ve never… showered with anyone.”

The corner of Spencer’s mouth twitches as he pushes hair over your shoulder. “I know. You don’t have to. We could save like 100 gallons of water depending on how long your showers typically last, but—”

“Spencer—”

“Sorry, sorry—I didn’t—I didn’t mean it like that. I’m not trying to pressure you. You absolutely can take your own shower. You can go first so you get the hot water.”

“No,” you laugh, and it’s like a sparkling cloud of gold has settled around you, fractals bouncing off the shine of your cheeks and eyes—the sound of your laughter, the look of it, is such beautiful relief he can’t believe how good it feels, but it fades from you quickly. “It sounds… I think I want to, I just… I don’t wanna, like… do… anything.”

For a split second your veiled language mystifies him and then he realizes what you’re trying to say without saying. Something has changed since yesterday, when you brazenly referred to it as fucking, and today, when you can’t even say sex. He’s gotten as far as it being something your creepy neighbor said. Maybe. He needs to know what. 

But that’s not the topic at hand. 

“We don’t have to. I didn’t mean to imply that we would do anything like that. I don’t expect anything from you.”

You swallow. 

“Okay. I wasn’t sure.”

About what?

He says your name. No response. 

“Can you look at me, please?”

It takes you a moment, and your head raises like you might need some oil in your hinges, but eventually you manage. Spencer hopes the way he’s rubbing your leg is comforting. 

“You know I’m never, ever going to make you do anything you don’t want to do, right?”

To his horror, your answer isn’t an immediate and resounding yes. Instead you look back down and cover his hand with your own, fiddling nervously with his fingers. 

Eventually, you reply, “Yeah… I know. I just thought… I’m not sure. Maybe it’s supposed to be different now.”

“It doesn’t have to be. Nothing has to be different. We’re still doing everything on your schedule, okay? And as for the next few days, at least—I think it might be a good idea to take sex off the table altogether.”

Your eyes narrow and you hesitate. “Why?”

“Because I don’t want you worrying about it. And I don’t think it would feel good for you right now. I think there are things we need to talk about, but… we’ve probably tried enough for a while, hm?”

You give him a shy nod and hum your agreement. For a moment he lets his hand linger on your leg and then pulls it back. 

“Okay. Do you want my help packing a bag, or should I wait out here?”

“You can wait. It should only take a minute.” You pause, halfway up to look pensive. “Um, Spencer—do you think it would be okay if maybe I… if I stayed tonight and tomorrow? I just—I wanna get out of here, for a bit.”

He frowns but doesn’t hesitate. “Of course. Can I ask why?”

“It’s just… suffocating sometimes,” you call as you turn and hurry down the hallway to the bedroom. “Feels like my neighbors are on top of me, like they’re… breathing down my neck, half the time.”

Sure, bigger apartments exist—but it’s not like you’re in a studio. And you’ve never mentioned feeling that way before. That bad feeling is starting to come back—like you’re not telling him something he needs to know. But is it worse to let you deal with it yourself until you’re ready to talk or to force it from you?

A few minutes later you return, a duffel of your own over your shoulder and full to bursting. 

“So I’m an idiot. My phone was literally in the pocket of my jeans on the floor.” You drop the bag as you bend down by the door to pull on your favorite slippers. “Oh—I think I forgot my charger, can you grab it? It’s by my bed.”

Spencer of course obliges, and is secretly pleased to be in your room again, in the light this time, so he can see better. It’s sweet. The pictures on the walls, the plants and the knickknacks and the sticky notes scrawled with messy reminders on every surface and the sweater hanging over the back of a chair—the one you’d been wearing at the cafe all those months ago—it all feels so you. He wonders why the two of you don’t spend more time here. 

He lets himself linger for only a minute before remembering his task, but as he reaches down to unplug your charger, whatever dopey smile he’d been wearing evaporates. The sheets have been stripped from your bed, and he can see why—there’s a striking stain of dried blood, and several surrounding dots, soaked into the mattress. Not much, but enough to make him feel horrendously guilty. He cringes, imagining what it must’ve been like to wake up all alone to nothing but your own blood. Poor girl. Of course he’d noticed some, last night when he was doing his best at cleaning you up, but it had been dark, and he was exhausted, and he hadn’t done enough. 

“Where’d your sheets go, baby?” He asks once back by the front door with his own bag on his shoulder, setting a gentle hand on your lower back and holding out your charger for you. You jump slightly, and he makes circles on your back, wishing there was something he could do to settle you. 

“Oh! They—they got ruined. I threw them out. It’s fine. I have others.”

So you didn’t have enough energy this morning to walk a few feet to your shower, but stripping your bed, getting dressed, and walking down to the trash chute at the end of the hall had been top of your priority list. 

You swallow as he undoes the locks and holds the door open for you, and pretend like you’re not doing surveillance to either side as you stand in the hallway, locking your door again like you can’t get out of here fast enough. 

Spencer casts a sidelong glance at you and wonders if you’re intentionally avoiding eye contact. He tries not to think like a profiler. He tries not to assign meaning to your actions, but he can’t help it. He can’t not notice. 

He can’t not worry. 

And he can’t not wonder what you’re not telling him. 

-

part nine

[littlebeluu]

Hi! Hope you're day is going well :)

If it's okay I'd like to request smth for marc, if not just ignore this haha. I actually have a few ideas but just pick the one you like the most :)

1. It's kinda similar to the one you already wrote I guess but reader being insecure cos shes not as conventionally attractive as other wags, like she's not ugly but she's not a model either yk? Maybe also like people online hating on her body and/or weight and she doesn't wanna make a big deal out of it but marc notices and like reassures her and stuff (also in my head, reader is like a really private person who doesnt like a lot of attention, has her social media accounts on private and doesn't post anything except a handful of stories every now and then but that's obvi just me, doesn't have to be like that)

2. Marc reaching reader catalan (in my mind reader can already speak Spanish but that's not a must obvi)

3. Marc teaching reader football and she's just really bad at it haha idk I think it could be cute

4. Height difference (I'm 5'3 haha so this is really a self insert) like maybe reader wearing his clothes for the first time and they're so adorably oversized on her or like just anything about height difference really :)

You can obviously change stuff about the requests if there's anything you don't feel comfortable with or don't like, I don't mind. Sorry if it's too much stuff at once btw, I'm not really good at writing this kinda stuff.

Thanks so much in advance already, I hope you have an amazing day (or night, depending when you're reading this haha)

I'll do other ones too 🫶🏻

I might have some trouble to do the second one cause I also don't speak catalán but I'll try anyway.

"Insecure"

marc guiu x female reader

warnings: none

The car engine hummed softly as Marc and I settled into our seats after training. Our eyes met in the rearview mirror, and I felt a flutter in my chest. Despite the hours apart, his presence still had that effect on me.

"Hey," Marc greeted, his voice warm but tinged with concern.

"Hey," I responded, trying to muster enthusiasm.

Marc's brow furrowed as he studied my reflection. "Are you okay?"

I nodded, forcing a smile. "Yes."

His eyes narrowed, unconvinced. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," I repeated, my voice barely above a whisper.

Marc sighed, reaching for the radio. As music filled the car, we drove in silence, the tension palpable. Every few minutes, I caught him glancing at me, worry etched on his face.

"I'm fine," I assured him, though the words felt hollow.

"You're lying," he said softly, his voice a mixture of hurt and frustration.

I hesitated, torn between protecting him from my insecurities and the need to be honest. "It's just..."

"Tell me," he encouraged, his tone gentler now.

"Why do you think I'm upset?" I deflected, buying time.

Marc's eyes softened as he looked at me. "I don't know, but I've noticed you haven't really smiled today. Not your genuine smile, anyway."

"Of course I did," I protested weakly.

"No," he shook his head. "I know you better than anyone else. I can tell when you're feeling down, even if you don't say anything."

His words hung in the air as I struggled to find my voice.

"What's wrong, babe?" Marc pressed, his concern evident. "You're going to tell me, or..." He trailed off, leaving the sentence unfinished.

I took a deep breath, feeling tears prick at my eyes. "I'm sorry. It's nothing important."

"It must be something if your smile hasn't been genuine in the past 24 hours."

"Yeah, well..."

"Just say whatever it is," he urged, his voice a mixture of frustration and worry.

"Honestly? People have been saying horrible things about me lately," I admitted, my voice cracking.

Marc's expression darkened. "What? Who?"

"It's okay," I tried to reassure him, wiping away a stray tear. "Really. Just forget about it."

"No," Marc insisted, pulling the car over to the side of the road. He turned to face me fully. "What happened?"

I hesitated, feeling foolish. "It's stupid."

"Just tell me," he pleaded, taking my hand in his.

"Your teammates' girlfriends posted photos with me yesterday," I began, my voice barely audible.

"And?"

"Everyone's saying horrible stuff. Like... like I'm the ugliest and fattest girlfriend."

Marc's face contorted with anger and disbelief. "What? Who's saying this?"

"People online," I mumbled, ashamed of how much it affected me.

"So nobody real?" he asked, his tone softening.

"Well, they could actually exist somewhere," I argued weakly.

"Don't even joke around," Marc frowned. "They don't deserve any importance. You shouldn't read comments under their posts anyway."

I sighed, looking out the window. "I know I shouldn't, but sometimes I can't help it. It's like picking at a scab - you know it's bad for you, but you do it anyway."

Marc's expression softened with understanding. "I get it, but those comments are toxic. They're not worth your time or energy."

"You're right," I admitted, turning back to face him. "I just wish I could stop caring what others think."

Marc reached over and squeezed my hand. "It's not easy, but we'll work on it together. Your worth isn't determined by strangers on the internet."

I took a deep breath, feeling vulnerable. "I guess sometimes those words hurt more than others. Like... maybe I wish I had more confidence. Being known is so overwhelming, and I wish I knew how to get over myself. I guess... I envy the confidence of other girls I meet."

Marc's eyes filled with understanding and love. "You're not ugly nor fat, Y/n. You're beautiful, inside and out."

"I didn't say I was, people said it," I protested weakly.

"But you think it," he said softly, his thumb tracing circles on my hand.

"No," I lied, unable to meet his gaze.

Marc cupped my face gently, forcing me to look at him. "Tell me something, Y/n. When was the last time you read something nice?"

I felt a rush of guilt for worrying him. "Well today, you told me something nice this morning. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound like such a baby."

"Stop apologizing," he said firmly. "You're beautiful, and I'm so lucky to be your boyfriend. But more than that, you're kind, intelligent, and strong. Those people online? They don't know you. They don't see how you light up a room, how you make everyone around you feel special."

Tears spilled down my cheeks as Marc's words washed over me. He pulled me into a tight embrace, and I buried my face in his shoulder.

"I love you," he whispered into my hair. "Every part of you. And I promise, we'll work on building your confidence together. You don't have to face this alone”

As we sat there, wrapped in each other's arms, I felt a weight lift from my shoulders. The cruel words of strangers seemed to fade away, replaced by the warmth of Marc's love and support.

"Thank you," I murmured, pulling back to meet his gaze. This time, my smile was genuine.

Marc leaned in, his lips meeting mine in a soft, tender kiss. It was gentle and reassuring, conveying all the love and support he had for me. As we parted, he rested his forehead against mine, our breaths mingling.

I reached up, running my fingers through his hair before pulling him in for another kiss, this one deeper and more passionate. When we finally broke apart, we were both slightly breathless.

Marc started the car again, but before pulling back onto the road, he turned to me with a mischievous grin. "Now, how about we go get some ice cream and plot our revenge on those haters"

I laughed, feeling lighter than I had in days. "Ice cream, yes. Revenge... maybe we'll save that for another day."

As we drove off, hand in hand, I realized that while I couldn't control what others said about me, I could choose to surround myself with love and positivity. And with Marc by my side, I felt ready to face whatever challenges came our way.

Before we reached the ice cream shop, Marc pulled over once more. He cupped my face gently and gave me one last, lingering kiss. "You're beautiful," he murmured against my lips. "Inside and out. Don't ever forget that."

I smiled into the kiss, feeling truly loved and cherished. With Marc's support and these tender moments, I knew I could overcome any insecurity. We drove on, looking forward to our ice cream date, our hands intertwined and hearts full of love.

[pepsiboyy]

idk if you take fic requests! but maybe a fic based off of Greek God by Conan Gray. like Matt or Chris pretend they don’t like yn where they’re around their sport (whatever sport, you choose!) friends. they all have a really high ego and are cocky. but there’s a tension between M/C and yn bc they used to be friends until M/C got popular but yn didn’t so now they’re not friends cuz M/C let his popularity status get to him. but they sometimes speak on the down low (M/C doesn’t wanna be seen talking to yn) they’re families are family friends which is why they’re technically forced to still talk every once in a while. but eventually the tension gets too intense, and well, M/C can’t handle it anymore and it ends up turning into a childhood friends to enemies to lovers type story 🤭 ALSO, YN STANDS HER GROUND AND DOESNT LET M/C GET HER THAT EASILY, SHES NOT JUST GONNA FALL FOR HIM INSTANTLY CUZ HE FINALLY STARTS PAYING ATTENTION TO HER!! thanks!!

GREEK GOD.

pairing: chris sturniolo x fem!reader summary: just read the request :p warnings: cursing, mentioned of alcohol, being drunk, use of y/n lol, angst (resolved sorta) a/n: THANK U SO MUCH FOR THIS REQUEST!!! i hope it's what you were looking for, i spent a lot of time trying to make this work :") thank you so much for the request!!

i stood at the edge of the ice rink, my hands clasping together with high hopes.

i came to cheer on matt and chris, with nick seated beside me as he scrolled through instagram and snacked on some chips that he brought.

nick was my best friend, without a doubt. i told him everything. matt was one of my comfort friends. someone i didn't talk to as often as nick, but enough to where i feel fully comfortable talking to him about whatever may happen. chris, on the other hand...

chris was chris.

it was hard to describe the dynamic the two of us shared.

chris and i actually used to be closer than me and nick, or anyone, honestly.

he would pick me up when i fell, give me some of his snacks and even a sip of his pepsi if i wanted. he would reassure me when i felt low, and even put me in my place if he knew i was out of line.

before we knew it, high school rolled around. freshman year was relatively normal, sophomore year too.

junior year he started making newer friends, but he also had a different lunch period from the rest of us. i'd only really see him when matt gave me rides home.

senior year rolled around, and chris was a changed person. ever since he made it to the varsity hockey team with his new friends, he changed. he claims it's because we "grew apart" but we didn't. he goes out of his way to make me look bad in front of his friends, or even act like he has no idea who i am. it kind of made me feel stupid.

matt being on varsity with him didn't help his case at all, either.

so, when i came to watch them play, nick would sit with me and i would cheer on them both, even if chris pretended to hate me.

so, here i am. standing at the edge of the rink with nick, who was now standing beside me as we watched the two we knew and loved. matt effortlessly weaving past a defender, sending the puck flying towards chris, who sent it into the goal and made it.

the sound of skates cutting through ice was sharp in my ears, and the bright arena lights cast a glow over everyone while each and every cheer echoed in the cold air.

i remember when we all used to skate together freshman year here, the arena empty and our arms all linked together because i couldn't skate for the life of me, on matter how bad i tried.

those days felt like a lifetime ago now.

you had all grown a lot since then.

apart, apparently.

"hey, y/n, what are you doin' here?" a boy from the team questioned, skating to the glass with a cocky grin. "came to see the champ?" he asked, referring to chris.

i rolled my eyes and crossed my arms, allowing my eyes to trail elsewhere. "just here to support my friends." i mumbled.

chris glanced over, his expression neutral, but there was a flicker of something in his eyes - guilt, maybe, or recognition of the unspoken tension between them. before i could look away, he turned back to his friends, laughing at some joke i couldn't hear.

i sighed and took a seat beside nick again, letting out a soft hum as i did. the familiar sting of hurt and anger was beginning to get to me.

the memory of chris and i being inseparable, chris changing, chris making fun of me to his friends, all of it. it hurt. popularity inflated his ego, and i always refused to be an admirer in his little fan club.

after the game, i found myself lingering near the exit of the rink. i typically waited for the crowd to die and the traffic to slow down before leaving. it was too busy for me.

the locker room door swung open, and out poured the hockey team that was riding out the high of their win. chris was among them, laughing loudly and tossing his hockey stick over his shoulder. we met eyes for a moment, and his smile seemed to falter. until he leaned to a friend of his and nudged them, mumbling something to make them both laugh.

"hey, y/n!" chris called out. "didn't think you'd stick around here. still obsessed with me or what?"

i stared at chris with a deadpanned expression. "stop getting me to stroke your ego, christopher." i bit back, trying to keep my voice steady.

this shit was annoying, really.

chris's friends snickered, and he shrugged it off, turning away as if i were nothing more than an afterthought to him. "whatever. let's get out of here."

the group moved past me, their laughter seeming to echo in the hallway. i felt a lump form in my throat, but i refused to let anyone see me get upset over something to miniscule.

i knew this version of chris was a facade, but that didn't really make it hurt any less. the boy i once loved and cared for deeply was now buried under layers of arrogance and bravado, and i wasn't about to let him off the hook so easily.

the crowd began to die down, so i gathered myself and pushed out of the door, making my way towards my car.

as i walked towards the car, i saw chris again, this time with his brothers as they leaned against their minivan and talked about the game together.

for a moment, chris looked up, and our eyes met. there was a flicker of something in his gaze - regret, maybe, or a silent apology - but it vanished as quickly as it appeared.

he mumbled something to his brothers before he kicked off and made his way towards me.

"need a ride home? matt can take you." his tone was casual, but strained.

i stared at chris for a moment in disbelief, before quickly shaking my head and sighing. "no thanks. i can manage."

chris opened his mouth as if to say something, but then closed it, looking away. the silence between us stretched, and it filled with all the things left unsaid.

and with that, i turned on my heel and began walking home.

saturday. the days where the sturniolo household invited me for dinner were so much fun, genuinely. they were an amazing family. and chris typically acted normal around her when she was invited over.

i pulled into the driveway of their home, smiling softly to myself as i turned the music down. i pulled down the mirror and fixed my hand, humming to myself before taking my keys.

i was wearing something pretty cozy, just a crewneck and some bleached jeans and converse. they were like my second family, no need to get fancy.

i knocked on the door, where matt answered and pulled me into a hug of greeting. "hi, y/n," he breathed and smiled softly before leading me further into their home, where i was met with nick, marylou, their mother, and jimmy, their father.

"where's chris?" i questioned, the words falling from my lips faster than i could stop them.

nick exchanged a look with matt before he shrugged. "not sure, he just said he was going to some hockey party for their win last night."

i scoffed and nodded, taking a seat in my usual spot between nick and marylou.

the empty chair across from me was honestly quite intimidating. more than it would have been if chris were there.

chris was always the one with crazy stories and conversation topics.

we sat in a comfortable silence, though, which i'm sure nick and matt enjoyed as they listen to chris every day of their lives.

"you're still goin' to their hockey games and cheerin' em on?"

marylou questioned, and i turned to her and smiled. "yeah, they're really great, actually." i smiled softly, and marylou nodded.

"i know chris has been on a bit of an ego train, i hope he's still been kind to you guys." jimmy mumbled softly.

i swallowed and rubbed the back of my head. "yeah, he's been great, actually." i lied.

nick and matt stared at me, but decided not to question it before continuing their meal.

but then my phone began to ring, and everyone's attention shifted to me.

"i'm so sorry," i quickly mumbled as i removed it from my pocket and immediately felt every bit of air in my lungs leave.

why is chris calling me?

i rose to my feet and held up a finger, chuckling nervously. "i'm gonna take this," i mumbled quickly.

i made my way down the hall and to the front room. "hello?" i questioned softly.

"y/n/n," chris slurred on the other end. "i- i'm at a party, and.." he trailed off before giggling to himself, "i might.. need a ride home," he mumbled.

i sighed, rubbing my temple in annoyance. "where are you?"

chris mumbled an address, hardly coherent. "can you... can you come get me? please?"

i sighed to myself. "why can't you get matt or nick or something?"

"they'll get pissed," he stated, a little clearer than the rest of his sentences. "i don't want them to worry about me." chris struggled to get the word worry out of his system, making me crack a slight smile.

"fine," i stated as i fixed myself, "stay put. i'll be there soon."

i hung up the phone and made my way back to the dining room, where everyone collectively turned to me.

"everything alright?" nick asked, and i quickly nodded.

"everything's good, i do have to go, though. i'm so sorry you guys. i'll make it up to you?" i smiled. "i just, um.. have to run."

they all exchanged looks before nodding and bidding me farewell, nick walking me out.

i sat in my car and typed the address into my phone, rubbing my forehead.

i didn't enjoy parties. they were loud, sweaty, gross and full of annoying ass kids. usually.

and as i pulled up, it was just that. a typical high school party scene - loud music, teenagers spilling out onto the lawn, and the faint smell of alcohol and weed in the air. i found chris on the footsteps, his head buried in his hands. i quickly made my way towards him after parking and kneeled down in front of him.

"come on, let's get you home." i said, helping him to his feet.

chris leaned on my heavily as we made our way to my car. i buckled him in and got into the driver's sear, the tension between us palpable in the confined space. as i drove, chris mumbled some incoherent words, his head lolling against the window.

"y/n," he suddenly said, his voice clearer but thick with emotion. "i'm sorry."

i glanced at him, eyebrows raised. "for what?"

"for everything," he continued, his eyes half-closed. "for being an ass. for ignoring you. for... for all of it."

i took a deep breath as i felt a mixture of sadness and anger bubbling within me. i gripped the steering wheel tighter, unsure of how to respond. "you're drunk, chris. you don't know what you're saying."

"no," chris insisted, reaching out and touching my arm. "i do, i've been a jerk. i miss you. i miss us."

i pulled into my own driveway, knowing chris wouldn't want to see his family like this. i would just take his phone and send them a text saying he was with a friend tonight or something.

i turned off the engine and took a deep breath. "let's get you inside."

chris stumbled out of the car, leaning on me for support the whole way to the door. i fished for my keys and unlocked the door, quickly guiding him to my living room couch.

as i laid a blanket over him, he grabbed my hand as his eyes locked with mine.

"i still care about you, y/n. i always have."

my heart pounded, but i forced a laugh, trying to deflect the intensity of the moment. "sleep it off, chris. we'll talk in the morning, okay?"

i brushed a few loose strands from his forehead and stood up, turning off the light and going to my room. my mind raced with conflicting emotions.

part of me wanted to believe his drunken confession, but another part of me was still so angry. still hurt by the way he had treated me. as i laid in bed and stared at my ceiling, i couldn't shake the feeling that things between us were far from over. and that this was just the beginning of a much more complicated story.

the sizzling of the bacon on the oven was comforting, in a way. i had an airpod in, playing some softer, but upbeat music to get me up and going for the long, long day ahead.

i turned my head upon hearing some shuffling in the kitchen, meeting eyes with chris. "morning," he mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

"morning," i replied, placing a plate of food with bacon, eggs and sausage onto the counter in front of him. "eat up. you'll feel better."

he sat down and started eating, occasionally glancing at me as i cleaned up the kitchen. after a few minutes of awkward silence, he looked at me. "look, about last night.."

i crossed my arms and leaned against the counter. "what about it?"

chris looked down at his plate, poking at his eggs. "i meant what i said, you know. but i was drunk, and.. and maybe it didn't come out right-"

"maybe?" i questioned, my voice sharp. "you've been treating me like i don't exist for months, chris. one drunken apology doesn't fix that."

he winced at my words, but nodded. "i know, i've been an idiot. i got caught up in... everything. the team, the popularity. but that's no excuse."

"no, it's not." i stated, my anger beginning to bubble to the surface. "you think you can just waltz back into my life with a half-assed apology and everything will be fine? it doesn't work that way." i spat.

chris stood up, stepping closer. "i'm not asking for everything to be fine overnight. i'm asking for a chance to make things right."

i shook my hear, my eyes flashing with frustration. "do you even realize how much you hurt me? how it felt to be ignored, to be treated like i was nothing?"

"i do now," he said quietly. "and i'm sorry. truly. i want to make it up to you, if you'd let me."

i looked up at him, searching his eyes for any sign of insincerity. he seemed genuine, his usual bravado stripped away, leaving only the boy she used to know.

"i don't know if i can trust you," i admitted, my voice softer now.

chris reached out and took my hand in his. "i get that. and i will do whatever it takes to earn your trust back."

he pulled me into a tight hug, where i gently hugged his waist and took in his scent.

i missed this.

"just one date. give me a chance?" chris mumbled, the smile audible in his tone.

i hesitated, my mind racing. part of me wanted to say no, to protect myself from his bullshit. but another part of me remembered all of the good times.

"one date," i finally stated, my voice firm. "but this doesn't mean i'm just forgiving you, chris. you have a lot to prove."

he nodded quickly, his lips curving into a smile. "i promise i won't let you down."

i pulled away from his embrace and smiled at him before turning to the sink and doing the dishes. "you better now."

as i did the dishes, i felt a glimmer of hope mixed with lingering doubt. chris had a long way to go to earn the trust i had for him back, but for the first time in months, she felt like maybe, just maybe, things could change.

[pansy-picnics]

hi:3

im veryyyyy much a lurker i do not put myslef "out there" alot(most of my asks r to my mutuals but im TRYING to het out of mh shell so...)

ANYWYAS HAI:3 uhhh one of ur uknighted dream/new dream kids looks reallh pretyy(i think its the oldest one idk hlp), BTW I LOVE emery but i wanna know more about the ukd kids, so like if u have the past posts u made about them or like... IDK HELP i just wanna know more aboutvtjem bcuz ive seen them a couple times and theyre really cutie☹️

also like i scream whenever you use she/her on hugo because YOU LITERALLY GET IT LIEK OMG🙏🙏🙏 i apologize this is very rambly but liek ur art is so sosososoososo pretty & ur hcs and aus and AUGH iys so GRASHSH, so like ya byebhue:33

AHHH THANK YOU FOR THE ASK IM SOSO HAPPY 🥹🥹💕💕💕 I LOVE ALL MY LURKERS BUT I LOVE IT SM WHEN YOU GUYS COMMENT OR ASK ME STUFF TEEHEE

All three of the ukd kids are GORGEOUS ngl so i assume you’re thinking of ilmari but i can’t rule out the twins either…..Eugene and raps have some good ass genes I’ll tell you that.

Also i’m glad people appreciate my feminization of hugo. I just she/her him by default atp i refuse to hide it any longer this is what the WOKE LEFT WANTS!!!!! He’s so androgynous it’s like if a man and a woman had a baby. I need to kick that f slur into the sun

Anyways…Ough….I HAVE been neglecting the ukd kids a lot lately though i hate to admit it. i love them just as much and i know what’s going on with them too… but the truth is their characters just didn’t “click” into place quite as well emery’s did i think

To be quite honest emery came to me in a vision. Like. “Eccentric cutesy teenage girl who reads bad smut and practices dubiously ethical medicine”. And that is the perfect archetype to me. Literally no notes. Ilmari and the twins on the other hand have….Taken a little longer to perfect. and ive had a LOT of people tell me they want to know more about them but i just haven’t gotten to it yet. Sometimes i wonder why emery is the fan favorite but then i remember i Barely talk about anyone else so. Oops

I have a pretty good idea of them now though i THINK? so i for SURE need to infodump AHSJSJDJFFG Ill put the rest of my more detailed thoughts below the cut uhhhh

Uhhh. Basically. Ryder is the golden child whos really expressive and energetic like raps but very anxious and neurotic. He’s honestly kind of the straight man of yhe group. Most people think it’s ilmari but this is Wrong. Eldest child syndrome despite being the middle child. Workaholic but he fucking hates his job. Stressed out 24/7 and hasn’t slept in 2 weeks. needs to be liked by EVERYONE or he will DIE.

Alina is the baby she’s kinda varian and cass core. Always in the shadow of ryder or ilmari, but shes had support where it matters, so she’s never really cared. She was the shy quiet kid growing up but now he is full of Rage. very clingy, headstrong and stubborn. Strong leader and always tries to take control but his older siblings dont rlly take him seriously. Kind of a smartass and a drama queen but specifically in an old hollywood detective kind of way

ilmari……quiet, blunt, dry and emotionally unavailable. Horse girl and the king of not giving a fuck. they’re a free spirit, and since they were the first to leave the nest theyre always just kinda Wandering. Doesn’t speak unless spoken to. They typically come off as very weird and unsettling, but they are very gentle and compassionate when it comes down to it, they’re just Bad at feelings. They’re silly i promise but they have that like dry ass adira ttpe humor.

I think one of the main reasons the twins are so hard for me to describe is bc i’ve failed to disclose their Main Gimmick, which is that they’re meant to start out as the the typical boy/girl twin trope— where ones shy, anxious and kinda nerdy, and the other one is charismatic, eccentric and extroverted— but by their teenage years, they’ve pretty much completely swapped in every regard: fashion sense and presentation, personality, mannerisms, etc.

they both have some core traits that are stuck to them for their entire lives, and are obviously still undeniably the same characters, but their overall archetypes kind of swap entirely.

as little kids, alina is the timid, reserved, kind of fluttershy-esque type, and is a bit more of the observant, logical “by-the-books” one. meanwhile ryder is the bouncy, outspoken wild child, to the point of being kind of ditzy and careless at times, but hes very emotional and has no trouble making his voice heard.

as they get older, though, alina, with a strong support system, is eventually able to find his voice and speak up for himself, and after years of being silent, he becomes kind of the rebel of the family. he’s intelligent, calculated, and very stubborn about what he believes in. plus, shes spent most of her life observing, so she has a very good understanding of whats going on around her- and a passion for leadership that’s reminiscent of cassandra’s. alina ends up being a very hardheaded, outspoken and emotional individual who’s eager to take a stand and is deeply afraid of being a burden on her loved ones, or worse, never accomplishing anything at all. She is also Soooo fucking angry like all the time and she NEEDS constant validation SO BAD or she will DIE. #Teenagerthings.

Meanwhile ryder, as coronas Golden Child, has the most pressure on him out of all the kids, and slowly becomes more anxious and closed off as he gets older. at his core he’s compassionate, creative, and kind of weird and snarky, but he gets lost in his own head very easily. he cares WAYYYYY too much what other people think of him and is 100% willing to just. Change and/or destroy himself to meet other peoples expectations. this is why he is a horrible choice for coronas heir and unfortunately, because hes REALLY good at masking, it takes everyone WAY TOO LONG to realize this. Even when he learns some decent coping mechanisms ryder always remains kind of a workaholic, neurotic and anxious person. Massive perfectionist also. he has ISSUES. 😭😭😭

the court: We’ve made the perfect heir for corona

rapunzel, gesturing to ryder: You fucked up my perfectly good kid is what you did!!!! Look at him!!!! He’s got anxiety!!!!!!

ILMARI!! ILMARI MY BABYGIRL!!!!!! Ilmaris honestly so so SO bad at feelings they are so distant but i swear they TRY THEIR BEST they just have AUTISM 😭🙏Unlike the twins ilmari doesn’t really have a huge change in character LOL…But i need to talk more about the trios dynamic, cuz they’re all VERY close especially when they were little. Once ilmaris traveling on their own, though, their relationship is a little more strained……..like i said ilmari is very much a wanderer, and they don’t write much either. Obviously they send like monthly letters to ukd out of obligation (cass and eugene especially get CRAZY paranoid otherwise…..) as well as some gifts to the family whenever they can but. Their letters highkey read like business emails LOL.

Ilmaris in a weird place where they do truly care about their family but like….They still feel a big disconnect from their identity and relationships in general. The emotional neglect from their birth mother and the autism have mixed together in the worst way possible and emotions are just never something they really Get.

I think especially in early adulthood they dont really have anywhere where they truly feel like they belong- So they kinda just fuck off to do whatever. They don’t see much of a need to communicate with anyone, mostly cuz i dont think it clicks in their head that people might Want to know about that stuff GAHAHAHAAHA

this is hard on ukd and the twins who end up feeling like mari just…. slips in and out of their lives so easily 💔 DO NOT FRET THOUGH!!!!! They do visit and they improve at communicating over time….their letters are still Corporate email core but they’re more frequent at least. And they eventually come back to corona for good to take over the library when var and hugo retire

Uhhhh I think thats it for rn this is kind of just me screaming incoherently but this ask has made me start working on a new art post abt the ukd kids FOR THE MASSES. 🤞🤞🤞🤞 i need you guys to understand my autistic brainwaves. Heres some incorrect quotes i did with them also cuz they’re sillyyyyyy

[momo-de-avis]

.........

These past two days have been a fucking whirlwind but I cannot fully express the absolute rollercoaster that was that funeral. There was more joy than anything however. I was reunited with my northern family after twenty years and to these people it's like only a day passed. They were warm and welcoming and joyful and I felt like a part of myself was mended. I have their contacts now and I know we will see each other more. I miss Minho so damn much. The entire time I didn't feel I belonged there because I didn't know any of those people. During the wake, I was introduced not as my father's daughter but as my brother's sister. Some people didn't even know he had a daughter, but it was different at the funeral. People who worked with him his entire life told me my father talked about me, and they knew very specific things (my going to Coimbra, buying a house, graduating, health issues) which was very surprising. They just hadn't met me. The most bizarre thing was having the ministry of health greeting me and at one point, my brother slaps me on the shoulder with a glint of "don't fuck this up" in the eye and the fucking prime minister is there to give me his condolences. Those of you who have figured out who my father was, i suppose you guys understand now why I was always the black sheep of this small part of the family, why my brother tailored himself to be the perfect right wing conservative (our father was basically his hero) and labelled me as this rebellious leftist, why we butted heads so much. Politics talk was always very finicky and avoided. And why I tried my best to keep in the shadows. Idk what he thought I was going to do im that moment for him to look so panicked cause prime minister or not, the man was polite and respectful and it's a fucking funeral anyway. Next thing I know, I'm being told I need to read some fucking prayer at the podium in front of hundreds of people and being invited to parliament for a vote of "grief" by the government. I told them absolutely will not do either. But this is the kind of shit that I am so used to being scolded and villainised for I was terrified of saying no. But these people told me it's up to me, that it does not mean I care less, they understand. Nobody pressured me. It was a whiplash to be treated like a human when I said I don't feel comfortable being in the spotlight. Tomorrow at noon you will not see me in parliament.

My biggest gripe was my father's partner. Up until the funeral, all I felt was rage, rage for having hid his new child from me and for never introducing me properly to his partner. I was sure she hated me for some reason. But then she said "I need to speak to you" and what she told me honestly just ripped me apart. I think at that moment, when she held my hands and spoke in a way that made me realise that she understood things a lot better, and we both just cried in each others arms, I started to let go. It just didn't matter anyway. What's done is done. Then she said her daughter saw a picture of my brother and I and asked who I was, and she said "that's your sister" and the girl went "I have a sister?" And apparently is extremely excited about meeting me. It just pulled me back to my tween years when my lonely, depressed ass used to dream of having a big sister that could take care of me.

It was such a wild day. There's a part of me that healed just for being reconnected with my family. I miss Minho so much. I miss this family whose love language is being a fucking brute and cursing like a mf. I missed this sense of belonging I always felt with them. Twenty years since I last saw them and it was like only a day had passed.

I don't know what to take away from this. It's sad that it takes one dying to start healing from a lifetime of neglect and abandonment and disappointment but it is what it is. I feel I regained my family back. I feel I have my northern rib back in me. I never laughed and cried so much at a funeral. I don't know if the anger I was feeling up to this moment is gone, but it's fading and I have these wonderful people I was always so proud to call a family to thank for. I can now say again that I have so many cousins and so many aunts and I love them all.

Apparently I did not evade all the cameras but it was a regional news website so whatever at least it wasn't national news.

[tensbowl]

my thoughts on beastars!

i recently finished reading beastars and honestly it’s been a WHILE since a manga had me this hooked since.. given. i used to read a shitton of manga in middle school but i gradually stopped when i entered hs (stemmed from a desire to Fit In, mayhaps..!), but i still keep up with haikyuu and given news cuz those are the ones that meant the most to me. beastars always caught my attention but because i’m frankly quite a sheep, i never read it. everyone around me told me it was ‘furry manga’ and i just didn’t care enough to do my own research LOL but here i am now, emotionally bound to legoshi. so much for defeating the furry allegations :(

i loved it btw it was a solid 8/10. there was laughter. a lot of confused laughter, but laughter. my favorite characters are legoshi, louis, and sagwan, although i think i love all of them. except for kyuu idk something about that rabbit pmo.. also completely unrelated but i’m a little scared of rabbits and when haru first showed up i was PETRIFIED. the one thing i hate most about rabbits is their black eyes (oh my god they freak me out) but there she was, standing on two legs, staring at me through my ipad pro screen with no mercy. i was shaking. but whatever i love her now and i think this made me get over my fear. so.. win/win?

i don’t remember all the arc names so i made up my own! i’ll discuss the manga in their respective story arcs and then get deep with the characters.. so i present to you my personal beastars story arcs (the way EYE saw them..)

obviously.. spoiler alert for everything..!

high school arc

this is probably my favorite arc JUST BECAUSE i’m a big sucker for high school stories. right off the bat i fw the drama club HEAVY because i do stagework at my school too! but damn these animals do it so.. difficultly? why are we not preprogramming the lights? why are we hand sewing these costumes? is there any blocking on stage? why isn’t there a stage manager to stop legoshi and bill from almost killing each other? let me loose in this drama club and i’ll have it demolished and rebuilt in 2 hours tops i’d be running it like the mf army. but whatever i guess paru did not care about the accuracy of the drama club which is all right with me (it’s not). 

my first impressions of legoshi were so strange. i know he’s not the bad guy but oh my god he’s SO AWKWARD. if i was in this universe (i’ll be saying this a lot) i would for SURE be spreading rumors about the weird wolf man in my drama club that speaks in rhymes and riddles. 

i also had no big impressions of any other characters until we get to louis. i thought jack was cool, the drama club kids were cool, and haru looked creepy but i didn’t mind her. but oh my god louis. he was driving me INSANE. i swear for every panel he showed up in i was containing all my anger. i was trying so hard not to lose my shit but this deer got on my nerves SO BAD….. HE for one spoke in rhymes and riddles and i’d be lying if i told you i understand anything of what he said in the high school arc. he got his shit together in the later arcs and got less pompous but in this arc he was losing me. and i was pissed off at him. the only thing i could think about was ‘diva syndrome’. and not in a cute ‘who is THIS diva’ way, in more like a ‘i really want to watch your ego death’ way. 

when haru tried to get freaky in the gardening club shed i lowkey was not phased. i feel like in a lot of reviews i read about beastars this was the scene that was turning people off, but i remembered my 2nd grade art teacher showing us zootopia and telling us that rabbits are very sexually active and usually have a lot of kids (why did he tell us this? idk. he got fired). so i was like ‘oh that’s just haru’s instincts!’ but also i guess.. that was kinda weird of her. but after her whole speech about how sex gets rid of the small and powerless feeling she has, we get a better understanding of her actions. though i will say, this was freaky as hell of haru. 

now i hate to admit to this (as louis is one of my skrunklies now) but i was CHEERING when he sprained his ankle. i was so happy. i thought he was going to die and i was so happy. but then a new enemy approached — bill the tiger. right off the bat i didn’t trust him. but after finding out that he drank RABBIT’S BLOOD oh it was so over. i was so over him. i was cheering for legoshi when they were fighting but when they brought that shit on stage i was done. i’m a firm believer of keeping things professional at least ON STAGE but these guys had no decorum. sigh. 

but this also got me thinking — are the animal limbs/blood being sold in the back alley market kinda like… drugs? i mean, it’s also like cannibalism (but not really..) in a way.. it’s hard to find a parallel for it. but honestly i think it’d be harder not to go to the market than to indulge in those animalistic instincts after all, so i was thinking, ‘is it really fair for me to hate bill’? and the answer was no. at least for me. i mean yeah he drank rabbit’s blood and i (and legoshi) hated him for it, but doesn’t that mean we should also be hating on like 3/4ths of the civilization in beastars? and i sure don’t. and louis says later too but i was thinking, don’t carnivores NEED to eat meat to survive? it’s kinda unfair for them, too. a double edged sword!!!! i was hooked at this point and i decided i wouldn’t hold it against bill but judge his character based on his actions later. 

i rate this arc a 9/10. one point off for strange theater etiquette. 

louis’s emo phase

this is the emo phase! basically the time frame from when louis was a mafia boss (which is so crazy). let’s talk about that because i didn’t care much about the meteor festival (apart from the fact that haru and legoshi were having some chemistry and juno’s exciting appearance). first off, louis is supposed to be a crazy big heir to a ceo’s throne.. are you telling me he has no image to protect and he can just go on and be a mafia boss to a bunch of carnivores? me personally if my son was acting like that he would never see daylight ever again. also louis was being so emo i get it he’s trying to show them that herbivores aren’t all weak and he found a place where he actually has power but oh my god this was so me in middle school. i sympathized. this was when i started liking louis because i realized that maybe i was hating earlier cuz we’re so alike. louis my son. 

it also freaked me out that legoshi was having internal conflicts about whether he likes haru in a romantic way or a predatory way, but it also only makes sense. so i was like yeah checks out! i guess these are the kind of questions you gotta have in the beastars universe. and then we explored more of the back alley market, which answered a shitton of questions i had and freaked me out a whole lot. i also will say now that haru ALSO speaks in rhymes in riddles like louis. do you think they speak in this cryptic way to each other in bed? also hi gouhin! he’s funny and kinda reminded me of my old drum teacher. 

when haru got kidnapped by the shishigumi ON SCHOOL GROUNDS (i presumed?) i was shellshocked. first off, is the mafia just allowed to roam around like that?? and there’s no protection around school? yikes!!! and legoshi’s lovestruck/extremely hungry being CHASES AFTER?? wow. legoshi and i are the same age in this arc (17) and let me tell you that if my crush got kidnapped i would stay the fuck out of that. i can’t tell if legoshi is braver or stupider than me. but i respect the grind. #forthehuzz

also when they just took out the mafia boss like that? wow. imagine being a minor and having a murder record like THAT.. jesus christ. anywho he deserved to die i love haru. i loved haru and legoshi’s interactions in the hotel after that; it was sweet but also sad cuz they’re just tryna love… but their instincts won’t let them. atp i was thinking ‘are they really MEANT to love then?’ like if their instincts are going against them. but honestly fuck your animal instincts. and maybe i misread this cuz haru is speaking in code but legoshi makes her happy and vice versa.. maybe the REAL animalistic instinct was the love we found along the way…

and a little segment on juno yayyyy! i personally love all the characters because they all feel so accurately immature in their high school ways. juno is a first year (15/16?) just craving for a cool same-species boyfriend and like.. yeah. i was thinking like that too girl. you can’t blame a girl for trying and you can’t blame a girl for loving! a lot of people seem to find juno annoying (the slander on reddit is insane) but i just think she’s a teenage girl. good for her. 

and then they also found out that riz killed tem and fought about it. riz’s backstory was kinda sad but i can’t lie to you i felt only little sympathy towards this bear. what he did was bad and he is a murderer! it seems like all these characters speak in code but this is what i got from riz’s huge monologue: even though he took strength suppressants and took on a “kind bear” persona, it didn’t stop herbivores from being scared of him. tem was the only animal that saw him in a genuinely friendly light, and that affection for tem overwhelmed riz (in a positive way but his instincts won over his logical side (sad face)) and riz ate him. he was also off his pills because taking them made him feel like more of a monster than he actually was. tbh riz was a victim of the system but that doesn’t make him any less of a killer,, but i totally get where he’s coming from. as a person who takes meds, it’s hard not to feel like some twisted thing while you’re taking them (especially if the meds are promised to ‘fix you’). and riz also created a whole twisted narrative in his own head about what happened, blurring the lines of reality and fiction.. but still he killed a dude :/ it sucks

also hold on. i went on a huge spiel about riz but i didn’t even TOUCH on the fact that legoshi went CRAZY after eating LOUIS’S LEG???? like okay damn what the FUCKK. i was laughing at first but then i saw louis’s leg all bandaged up and legoshi all crazy and my smile DROPPED. this was no joke legoshi was going primal. also makes me wonder what stopped legoshi from eating louis whole? maybe he’s just too nice for that. 

props to louis for being an amazing mafia boss. it’s the same thing as a ceo anyway but it had me kinda proud of this guy for leading an entire fleet of lions like that. also the shishigumi scared me when they were gonna kill haru but now? they’re kind of a joke. i love them though. 

overall this arc gets a 8.2/10. things were unrealistic (high schoolers nerfing a mafia boss) but also they’re all bipedal animals so what the hell. sure. mangione should spare louis. 

high school drop out arc

legoshi rightfully decides he’s had enough of this strange education system and drops out of high school! as a person who goes to boarding school though it has me wondering how he did that so easily. whatever they’re animals (what i keep telling myself). 

as a 17 year old, if i had to suddenly go fend for myself in Civilization, i would end up back on the doorsteps of cherryton sobbing. but legoshi, as i stated before, is way stronger/stupider than i am, so he did just fine. he got a shitty apartment and made friends. he also trains with gouhin to get over his predatory instincts and learn to love haru and has an acid trip involving a moth which i just filed under ‘typical shounen stuff’ in my head. it was fun but i don’t remember anything from it. also legoshi was bald in either this arc or louis’s emo arc and i liked it but EVERYONE MADE FUN OF HIM. whatever they don’t love you like i do. 

they also introduced sagwan, one of my favs! such a wise man. i love him. he’s also so kind to legoshi right off the bat which surprisingly isn’t a common feat. he also opens up the door to sea life, where they believe in a ‘life cycle’ philosophy. life isn’t too precious over there and they’re all reborn. which is cool. they talk a lot about life in this arc and it really makes you think. i might’ve shed a tear during this arc i don’t remember. at around this time though i was thinking, what happened to legoshi’s friends from high school? he doens’t have a cell phone, so does he just.. not talk to them???? i can’t lie i’d be pissed if that were me! like jack was nothing but a good friend but because legoshi is stupid and needs to Find Himself, he just kinda deserts him. but literally don’t even fret because they come back in a couple more chapters. unrelated, but jack also tries to kill himself at one point which had my jaw DROPPED. i guess yeah. dogs are engineered to be a man’s best friend (and for intelligence) which poses a lot of difficulties for them. they’re essentially genetically modified civilians. how creepy. and also his whole dynamic with being friends with his ‘ancestor’ legoshi?? wow. paru itagaki my jaw dropped a little. 

and now on to a mini that i like to call…

MINI ARC: homosexual seniors

gosha and yahya!!! i love gosha. what a kind man he is (and his story with his wife had me gasping like i was watching a soap). yahya, on the other hand, i didn’t care too much for. he was interesting, but 1) i couldn’t take him seriously because he is a horse, and 2) he’s a little fucked in the head! his carrot farm, attacking his friend’s grandson, and his strange ways of speaking all turned me off a lot. also is yahya a real herbivore if his carrots are fertilized… like that? what makes him so much better than the other animals? 

i thought gosha and yahya were good ‘two sides of the same coin’ kinda deal. also it was pissing me off how yahya was putting gosha down for choosing family. does yahya have loving parents? i’d think not from all this bitterness. also WHY was he trying to beat up legoshi like that? gosha’s better than me because i would’ve cut ties forever. 

overall i rate this arc a 6/10. not my fav! i liked it when legoshi was doing slice-of-life stuff with his new adult friends and learning more about the world, but then i was thrown off course by the homosexual horse and shounen training montages and legoshi’s crazy philosophical acid trip with the caterpillar he ate. 

melon domination

ta daaaa already the last arc. when legoshi let melon go, i was kinda pissed but i can’t blame him. legoshi spent most of his life KNOWING he was an outsider and not really knowing much about the hybrid life, and now with haru he’s almost promising to a life full of more discrimination and hate. i thought it was normal how he only wanted to connect with someone this affected by the system as his future kid/his mom will be/was, but also come on man. lock in he’s a criminal. 

also around this time i saw some arguments online that legoshi shouldn’t have a kid with haru because all hybrids will end up bad like melon. I DISAGREE HEAVILY ACTUALLY… i think melon only turned out this way because of his fucked up home life (strange predatory mother, presumed dead/deadbeat father, bullying at school) and lack of support at school or home. obviously that kind of hostile environment would raise a hostile kid. melon is not only a victim of the system but also a victim of abuse and bullying! i think that if legoshi and haru were to have a kid, that kid would be raised with love (at least in the house). and it’s not like ALL hybrids are evil — leano (legoshi’s mom) wasn’t evil, but she was ostracized by the community leading her to commit. legoshi is technically a hybrid too, but he’s not demonized because you can hardly tell he’s a hybrid. i think melon’s situation is all about his specific environmental factors.. tldr let legoshi and haru do whatever the fuck they want LMAO

legoshi communicating with the shark was SICK. people hate on the shishigumi for trying to kill louis and legoshi but like… they’re mafia! what else are they supposed to do..? lmao 

also props to melon for having a phd by the way. you could’ve been dr melon but no you wanted to pursue.. other interests, it seems..!

i’m also extremely confused about why legoshi turned white. who did that to you. he literally got whitewashed. 

the carni-herbi war was interesting to learn about (nice job jack) but the whale was SO FUNNY to me i don’t know why. and immediately cutting to yahya talking with said old-ass whale had me cracking up. the whale also had literally nothing to offer it was so underwhelming LMAO paru you lost yourself in the sauce. i respect it girl me too. 

MINI ARC: legoshi drafts himself into war

the turf war was really cool. i enjoyed this mini arc a lot it felt a lot like pokemon LMAO

the quiz was cool too! legoshi is very very knowledgeable because he makes an effort to get to know lots of different types of animals. #respect i love this guy. 

there’s a lot more that happened in this arc but honestly?! i have nothing to say about it. i thoroughly enjoyed all of it and read it with nail-biting anxiety. 8/10! two points off because of the whale thing. and kyuu oh my god that made 0 sense i’ve said this before and i’ll say it again: that whole ‘okay legoshi!’ thing could’ve been ANYONE. it could’ve been louis.  

ending

i liked the ending. i see a lot of complaints for it online but i have no qualms! i didn’t expect the world to change so suddenly (of course they’ll build another black market lol what’s a society without some crime?) and i didn’t expect for legoshi and haru to skip away into the sunset and for juno to get with louis and for everyone to make it out alive. it was realistic and the characters were lovably immature and awkward yet wise and open. i respected everyone’s vulnerability and honesty and wrongdoings. honestly this manga will squeeze right in between haikyuu and given in my heart as one of the mangas that i will never stop loving (and will love in secrecy SHH)

i still do have some lingering questions though. have they ever heard of the impossible burger? how the HELL did they evolve like this (i NEED darwin) and are there humans in this world? would it be wrong of me to say that i’m attracted to legoshi? i want to know more about that strange club yahya and legoshi went to. how did melon find time to get a phd and can i read his dissertation? why didn’t gosha just absolutely pummel melon’s dad because i totally would’ve? 

beastars, in all of its genius and strangeness, leaves us in the dark a little. but honestly i don’t mind! sometimes endings don’t have to wrap everything up nicely. though i do agree that the writing got a little messy and hard to follow towards the end, i didn’t find too many difficulties while trying to comprehend the main story. i loooved the slice of life chapters (beastrike!) and i truly think all characters are quite dimensional and there’s no true villain (you could argue melon, but i’ll argue that the real villain is… society……). 10/10 series, would totally read again. and this time, i won’t be scared of haru.

[majycka]

Hello!! I just wanna drop by and say i enjoyed your Utahime thoughts! And i wanna share s couple of my cents if that's alright? Here we gooo

So I'll start by saying that i have nothing against anyone that ships gjhm, that's the beauty of fandom and aus and stories. however, i have tried to see the appeal in a realistically speaking sense within the context of the actual story and i just cannot. for the life of me. Like it's pretty evident that Utahime does not like Gojo, and that he's very disrespectful towards her, however, there is the trust they share because of their roles as teachers and their ideology. it's not that Utahime is an unreasonable person that would turn down an offer that would put her students in harms way right? but the thing is, I don't think the story ever set up any sublots for them to like each other you know? And I don't wanna be a killjoy when i say this altho i probably am, but rather that it's just not something author has envisioned for them?

i do think Gojo likes Utahime, but just not in a romantic sense, and this sort of dynamic is really reminiscent of that i would find in siblings, where one is endlessly annoying and the other wants to strangle the younger. i think if the story went the other way instead of the one it went now, Utahime and Gojo should cooperate and be understanding of one another as in good colleagues/friends? but given how Utahime was written and her limited appears in the story, luckluster and underwhelming sometimes, it's nearly impossible, and it's mostly on gege because all these characters have so much potential yet he only utilizes them as plot devices, in short it's not about the characters unfortunately.

and frankly i can't blame people for creating aus, in fact go ahead, it's what makes shipping so great! like i love to ship gojo too, mostly with geto or sometimes shoko heck i even like to pair him with ocs or readers too! but idk why i just can't picture him and Utahime ever being in a relationship at least within the story like context. again i don't wanna undermine anyone who loves this ship, i am all supporting but i just wanted to get out how i see it. Hope this wasn't confusing!

I see what you're coming from, Anon! People have varying preferences/opinions, and that's the beauty of it! I know Gege wouldn't draw out a romance plot line because he stated he ONLY sees it for mutamiwa. I can be delusional with gjhm BUT realistically, I’d never trust Gege EVER to handle a romance plot line cuz it will probably end tragically lol.

Imma try to speak from gojohime pov and give some insight why I personally love the ship.

I think the gjhm fans that I've seen doesn't ship them just because its ability to be canon but instead the dynamic that gjhm offers. Like you said Utahime does hate him while Gojo seems to like her, and the most funny part for me is that Gojo genuinely believes her "annoyance" is a joke between them. The way I see it, it offers this a slowburn romantic comedy potential with Gojo learning to get over himself, step up, and have this massive realization of falling for Utahime. I had this convo with my moot ola and moot said how basically Gojo just went “shit, she CAN fix me!” with Utahime (Because ya know how Utahime is everything Gojo isn’t) thus he continues to bug her xD

There's just so much to "play" with their dynamics honestly if you take them out of the canon story. You'd think that a slow burn romance would be two people earning each other's trust then doing all the slowly loving/liking part, but since the story already has set up that gjhm have each other trust because they share the goal of teachers fostering the new generation of sorcerers plus their decade of familiarity with each other, it makes you think what's more to this slowburn romcom?

Well, the way I see it, their opposing teaching beliefs can help them learn from each other and be better teachers. Gojo will be forced out of his emotionally constipated ways. Utahime's strength in her patience and ability to connect with other will be highlighted. They can be such a fun colleagues to lovers slowburn romcom type of story ya know which I honestly find hilarious xD So yehhh thats basically why I ship these two fuckers :^)

[expectiations]

If I may, I would like to send you the quote "Penny in the air - Penny drops." which wasn't on the list. ("It's mine.....-ish." is also such a good one and so fitting for her btw so feel free to pick that instead). I just think it'd be interesting to pick a Mels quote and interpret it for older River, Idk. If you prefer the list, I would most like to see you do something with either “I hate good wizards in fairy tales; they always turn out to be him” or "Why would a diary be sad?"

Hope you are having a beautiful day, love!

Elle! I am so so embarrassed this took so long to post. I swear I'd written an entire fic months ago but it's disappeared from my docs and I couldn't remember exactly where else I'd placed it so then I made another one. But honestly, I love this version better. Will post the entire fic on ao3 later!! I hope you love it. I tweaked it about here and there to include all the quotes you mentioned.

Tears welled up in his eyes as he gently ran his hand over the cover, his fingers tracing the familiar lines of the intricate illustrations. “Why would a diary be sad?” he murmured softly, speaking to no one in particular.

From the corner of the room, a quiet voice responded, breaking the stillness: “Penny in the air…”

The Doctor blinked, suddenly aware that he wasn’t alone with Kate and Christofer. His attention had been so entirely consumed by the book that he had failed to notice the presence of another figure in the room. He looked up, his eyes widening slightly as his mind tried to process the situation.

“Who—how did you come by this, Kate?” he asked, his voice distant, almost as though he wasn’t fully present in the conversation, still too immersed in the emotions the book had stirred within him.

Before Kate could respond, another voice cut through the air—one that was achingly familiar. “It’s mine... ish.”

The Doctor’s entire world stopped. His hearts pounded in his chest as he turned toward the voice. His brilliant, ever-working mind felt like it had hit a wall, halting as it struggled to comprehend what his eyes were seeing.

She was sitting on the sofa, watching him with a soft smile. The Doctor's breath hitched in his throat as he took in her appearance. She looked older—far older than he had ever seen her. There were streaks of grey in her hair, and laugh lines framed her eyes, adding a new kind of beauty to her features.

River.

His mind stuttered. Beautiful, it whispered. Beautiful, even now.

For reference, I kept this picture of Alex in my mind when writing this post-Library version of River (which is the version I just LOVE writing cause like we have a whole array of pre-Library River already. I want more post-Library River!!)

Also Alex in this role is so fucking beautiful!!!

Also the part "She looked older—far older than he had ever seen her." I wanted it to reflect their meeting in the Library where tells 10 he's so young. Hehe 10River you will always be so angstily special to me<3

divider by @cafekitsune

[idkwhatever580]

Idk if y’all liked my commentary on the last episode of Agatha All Along but I’ve decided I don’t care what you guys think I’m gonna do it anyways. And I’m gonna give timestamps this time 😭

I just realized I never posted this 😭 I’m gonna post it now while I’m working on episode six bro 😭🔫

⚠️WARNING⚠️ AGATHA ALL ALONG EPISODE 5 SPOILERS AHEAD… WATCH AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION.

You have been warned 😭

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2:09:

OH MY GOD WTF ARE THOSE THINGS

Like logically I know they are the Salem seven. And that probably means they’re the lady witches that Agatha killed all the way back in wandavision lol 😂 but why are they whispering and lurking like fucking BUGS THEY LOOK LIKE BUGS

3:02:

Holy shit not Rio defending Agatha. That’s low-key hot. Not the protectiveness 😭

So what? Maybe she is the angel of death or whatever you want to call her. (Angel in my eyes) I’d probably let her kill me and then I’d thank her for it too 😭😜

5:12

WOOOAAAAAHHHHH

That was so fucking funny bro 😭 why is rio so fucking real. Like idc that I’m being chased I’m literally about to ride a broom

IM PAMELA PUMPKIN

Now ride the witches broom. Ride the witches broom 😭

6:36

Bro her witch laugh ✋😭

That shit has me shook

6:56

OH HELL NAW FUCKING BUGS?!

ID KILL MYSELF SO HARD

8:47

No way.

“We have to wee gee”

✋😭🔫

I’ve never ever pronounced ouija like that brooooo

10:02

She so real for that

10:48

Stop I can’t take this seriously 😭🙏

11:30

STOP THEYRE SO REAL

11:46

Not her getting fucked up my mrs hart 😭

12:39

Stop that was so cringey. I knew she was faking the second I saw Rios face

Guys… I can’t spell this good. Y’all are moving to fast for me bro 😭

I legit thought it was spelling out Marsha when it

14:24

Bro this whole thing is crazy bro

14:42

No shot. Leave her alone with your little retainer ass bitch.

15:02

Shut your whore mouth Jen.

I hate all of you.

She is literally just a girl

15:21

Not Agatha being a fucking pick me 😭

16:18

WHAT THE FUCK

16:29

“Sweetheart are you okay?”

Stop y’all. I know she meant it in a not so endearing way, but DAMN

17:25

Nah shit.

I apparently hate ghosts too.

17:34

✋😭

No fucking way bro

18:04

Stop embarrassing me in front of my friends mom 😭🔫

18:32

“No! NO WAY!”

That’s so fucking sweet

“Yeah well her mother can’t have her”

She probably knows how scared she is right now. Honestly I think Agatha wouldn’t be afraid to die in Rio’s hands because she would take care of her and make sure her soul was safe or something like that idk (maybe it’s my fluff brain speaking)

But she knows her mom would hurt her and she doesn’t want her last minutes to be with the person who tried to take her life bro 😭🔫🔫🔫🔫

19:08

Oh damn. Rio’s reaction. She knows how bad her mom is.

19:25

OH FUCK YOU JEN KILL YOURSELF YOURE A BITCH I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE GOOD BUT YOURE A HOE

20:06

NO AGATHA YOU CAN BE GOOD PLEASE STOP

20:39

OH HELL NO THATS SO TRAUMATIZING

Like I know she just tried to kill Alice and almost did. But like no fucking way

21:20

NooooooooOoOooOoOooOoooooooOOOOOO

22:11

They did my bitch dirty.

23:53

No fucking way… I’m in the library at my college bro. I’m actually about to shit myself bro 😭🔫

Like I’m going to shit my pants.

Stop. I’m so done.

I’m done. I’m done. I’m done. Im done.

I think I’m actually gonna throw up. I can’t do this. I need to cry but wtf.

In conclusion:

I seriously am feeling so many things I’m supposed to do schoolwork but I can’t even focus now 😭🔫

Now I feel like I need to sit and stare at a blank wall for an hour. That’s not allowed to happen but I actually have a headache from feeling to hard. Maybe also a heartache.

I’m out here defending Agatha like “oh you can be good it’s okay babe” right and then she goes and does this shit.

Also Billy… Billy my boy. Bill bob. I seriously need you to get to the end of the road and bring your mother back. Because I swear to god if you bring vision back I will hate you. And I will never be able to look at you the same.

Also… what did you do with Tommy huh? You jsut left him out in the cold somewhere? Lost in a fucking hex??? Get out bro.

I swear. This is gonna break my heart. Kmskmskmskmskmskmskmskmskmskmskmskmskms

[katatonicimpression]

Hi,

Do you find that the negative way that the fandom, actors like Stan, and the writers treat the character of Sam Wilson, take away from your ability to enjoy the fandom at large?

It seems like everyone, literally everyone hates Sam Wilsons character and it sucks. How do you deal with that? sorry for the long ask.

"Everyone, literally everyone hates sam wilsons character" - well, clearly not literally everyone.

So..... let's address this in pieces. As far as coping with fandom is concerned, I do not go to spaces where normie dude bro type fans are. I don't read YouTube comments. I don't do marvel reddit. Even before twitter was fash, I didn't do fandom there. Those people are not any more "real fans" than I am, and honestly a lot of them are genuinely thick idk.

There's only so many times you can read "his real name is Clarence" in one day lbr

On tumblr, I block people who post racist or aggressively obnoxious opinions. I block liberally, it really eases the mind.

There's been a drop in his popularity on here in the last few years for a few reasons. Some bigger fans have left the platform, or moved onto other fandoms so aren't engaging with much content. There's also the known phenomenon of the popularity of black characters (and ships involving them) having distinctly less longevity than white ones (famously discussed to death around the finn/poe thing and other ships). There's also the sheer length of time it's been since tfatws, and the call from bds to boycott the upcoming film.

..............................................

The writers? This one is weird to me because in the 55 years since he was introduced, sam has had very little (as a proportion of his appearances) good writing, and when it is good it doesn't last. From the very beginning, his history is fraught and to this day the issue of many of those handling him giving zero shits about him is a self replicating problem. Complaining about sam being mishandled or underutilised is about 60% of this blog.

The beauty of comics is that they can always change, fix things and do better. Bring things back that work, and retcon things that don't. I whinge a lot, but I do firmly believe that there's good writing in Sam's past and future.

As for his writing in the mcu? Well, tfatws had issues; I liked a lot of it, but not all and had problems with how sam was handled at times. This opinion seems to be common among sam fans, even if we squabble over the details. For the earlier appearances in the mcu? They're mostly fine. It sucks shit that they took his powers away, and he's underutilised but whatever.

We don't know what the film is like. The bullshit headlines from spam farms saying "rumour: film is bad" are dumb. Theres been reshoots, but some of that is to be expected. The hulkification of what is supposed to be his movie is worrying, and I'm baffled by the decision to include sabra (although it looks as though they've tried to work around that as much as possible without removing her, which they'd face a counter backlash for*) but we genuinely have no idea if the film is well written or not, if it handles him well. We haven't seen it yet so... yeah no one can speak to its quality.

*that's not a defence, just my assumed explanation as to why she's still in the film.

........................................................

I do not know Sebastian Stan.

All I know about this is that he said he'd be excited to see Chris evans back? I don't think he said that to spite Sam or Anthony Mackie. I think he just didn't think about anything much at all. It comes across badly but hey that wouldn't be the first time... in general, stan has spoken supportively about both mackie and sam, so this seems like projection. Parasocialing too close to the sun.

If I have beef with anyone on this topic it's the interviewers. They ask irritating questions (usually in the form of hounding mackie about anyone other than his own character), and we're left with these irritating answers.

As for evans? They're probably doing stevil. I'm ambivalent about it. Maybe sam will get to showdown with him. Hopefully they don't give all the good moments to bucky.

................................................

Maybe, mayyybeeee also consider that when there's a black led project in any nerd franchise (see The Acolyte, or Star Trek: Discovery) the narrative will emerge that it's irredeemably terrible, driven by the "anti-woke" types. Then, that backlash starts to influence the normal people too and then suddenly there's no talking about it ever because that group feel insulted when you point out how it all started.

That's not all of what's going on with sam right now, but it is absolutely a factor. I wish people would remember that people don't typically preface a racist opinion with "I'm racist and I think that..."

And this is, obviously, not the same as saying that "if you don't like this character, you're racist". Obviously not. Because, normally, when you don't like a character because you just don't really vibe with them, you just ignore them. If you can't keep their name out of your mouth, then there's clearly something up.

...............................................

For those who are planning on not paying to see the film because of bds, I support that decision and I think sam would too if he was real. I have talked about this at length before.

.............................................

So, is it hard being a sam fan? Yes and no.

I wouldn't talk about him, write him and draw him if I didn't enjoy it.

But it does mean a lot of this emotion 🙄 a lot of the time. It's probably one of the reasons my blocklist is so long. Hell, I started this blog in 2021, the era where multiple bucky fans were calling sam an abuser for using the word cyborg.

And obviously for Black fans in this space, the problems are worse. The people I know here who have received the most harassment are all Black women. I cannot speak for the experiences of Black fans, but I have a fucking heart. I have so much sympathy for those who ended up leaving the space for somewhere where they weren't forced to defend themselves every day.

So, yeah. A mixed bag. But people do like sam.

...........................................

I'm aware I've referred to star wars twice. Yes I've broken my own rule. Do not ask me followups. I do not talk about star wars on the Internet.

[norellenilia]

Damn, I remember the first time I watched FMA 03, when I was 16 or 17, I stayed up until 1 am to finish it, and today, watching episodes 38 through 42 turned me into such an emotional mess that I have to take a break lmao what happened??? My own emotional traumas, that's what happened

I'm feeling so many things again

In episode 38, when Ed and Al are fighting, Al drenches Ed in water and he says "it's going to rain!!!" and I'm like haha no don't try to pull a Mustang on me I know this episode won't make me cry and GUESS WHAT the flashback with Trisha convincing Ed to go and find Al so they can talk things out and Al looking so happy that Ed isn't upset with him anymore it's so cute I CRIED

I need -- no, I DEMAND a spin-off series where Winry and Scziezka solve murder mysteries together (I'd love to write it myself but I know I'm not nearly good enough at coming up with mystery stories lol), they're adorable I'm so happy they totally get together post CoS

Martel's death hits SO MUCH HARDER than I remembered holy shit, she and Al actually got close, we see more of her, her death is so horrific and hearing sweet sweet baby boy Alphonse cry just BROKE MY HEART I never wanted to hug an armor so badly

Scar's brother's last moments, the way he looks so terrified and desperate to protect his little brother from Kimblee and Scar being so devastated when he dies I just-- *clenches fist*

Sloth using Ed's PTSD against him that's so UNFAIR; also I was thinking that I was a bit disappointed that this anime did not include the nightmare that Ed has at some point in the manga where he sees his mom saying "why didn't you make me right" etc but this is it, this is this scene, and it's worse because he's hearing it for real, he is very much awake, he has the real voice of his mom in his ears and she's saying this to him and I'm-- *clenches fist harder*

Rose's story, I'm still so mad, she deserves all the happiness in the world

Speaking of Rose, it's so funny how the moment Al is like "I wonder how Rose is doing" the show just full on goes "Ed/Rose shipper" mode lmao, with Ed blushing while pretending not to remember her, him being so awkward when he speaks to her just before they go on their separate ways and her son just smiling and giggling when he speaks (first time we see the baby laugh, he had only been crying up until then) :') To be honest it feels a bit out of the blue to me but idk

Dante sporting Lyra's white ass in the town of brown people and speaking as if she was part of them just because she's following Rose around to manipulate her is incredibly cringe, but then again, it's Dante, she's the villain and we're already supposed to know something is up with "Lyra". But still.

Very random but Al pulling objects from or putting objects inside his armor from behind the cloth always looks very awkward lol

I used to never really care about Scar but I have learned the errors of my way as I now realize he is actually one of the best characters in this goddamn series, even with the orb of knowledge and the three arm losses, and Mangahood!Scar being much more villainized and ending up working with the military will never come even CLOSE to 03!Scar using his last bit of strength to save Alphonse to honor his love for his lost brother and take his ultimate revenge on those who murdered his people in the goal of protecting oppressed people, all of this while an epic music is playing (honestly it even feels like Ed is made to be seen as an obstacle as he tries to prevent the soldiers from entering Liore lol)

Sorry but Wrath is annoying as hell, I know that I'll probably have a different opinion if I rewatch CoS after that, but for now I hate him

We're finally entering the "Rewrite" era of the show and I had forgotten how much it rocks (Ed's hair animation at the beginning fhjkfhkdhjk)

I only have 9 episodes left but between Lust and Sloth in the upcoming episodes I'm not even sure I'll be able to watch it all in one go lol. Still excited to see more of Winry and Scziezka and remembering how much Hohenheim is absolutely useless in this x)

[angela-hartbreak]

October Vogue Review

{Note, how I do my Vogue reviews is that I don't really talk about every single picture or article I just love talking about standouts<3 please don't be mad if I didn't mention YOUR favorite picture, also I try to give both positive and negative but I HATEE BEING MEAN}

First off, as a Lady Gaga lover (Little monster here <3) UHH the cover is just lovely. I love anything this woman puts out. Also FUR!!!!! UGH TO DIE FOR. maybe it's feathers but 99.99% sure Miss Gaga was wearing some kinda fur in this!

Bella Hadid is looking STUNNING for Saint Laurent, maybe I'm biased because I am a true sucker for lace and leather together {wearing that combo rn lmao accidentally twinning} but overall in love. also petition for making black-on-black a thing again.

Again as I have been seeing--kitten heels galore.

Ok when I say I was gagged for Giorgio Armani I WAS GAGGED. LIKE almost dropped my latte. Don't ask why ok usually I hate clear shoes but just the way that this is photographed has me STUNNED still--ew clear shoes. And I love any black and blue combo.

I loved the Gabrielle perfume scent from chanel--would I buy it?? Maybe idk I have 3 perfume shelves as we speak.

I keep on seeing way more black outfits and I'm so thrilled, my fav example of this this issue was maybe the middle lady of MaxMara..... And I'm honestly shocked to say this because I'm a Michael kors hater until I die but that picture is looking gorgeous hun

Negative time. The ugg boots looked really ugly I'm sorry. I have a love-hate relationship with uggs but I just don't like this heavy platform I just don't think it looks good. Also not a huge fan of the dolce & Gabbana devotion Eau de parfum intense scent, such a shame I have been eyeing up this bottle for so so long and was honestly thinking about buying a bottle but honestly I just don't think it's worth it for me personally it's just not something I would wear everyday.

Tom Ford's eyewears little gold T's just being perfect

"Age on the runway" was just a sweet little read I genuinely enjoyed.

I personally kind of rediscovered my love of blush after finding out about the whole red blush trick used by the Victoria's secret angels but the coming up Rosy article just kind of just secured my love of it again and I finally am using blush again for like the first time in months.

The second Erdem releases this flower handle bag I might just need to snatch one up-- because this is like the first time I've genuinely like wanted a handbag becides my beloved coach I've been religiously using.

Odissi's pictures are gorgeous {I might have accidentally forced all of my non-vogue reading friends to look at it (they were hella confused) while I was in love}

I can't tell if I'm supposed to hate guess or not with all of these STUNNING STUNNING PICTURES 🤍🤍

Okay so Michael kors new pour femme perfume actually smells pretty good {I'm doing a very bad job at hating Michael kors right here} and the pour homme one smells like every other cologne ever I'm sorry.

Honestly I'm not really invested in any of these books this month in the section but maybe the night we lost him would actually be something I would pick up the rest of them I'm honestly not that intrigued by which is kind of heartbreaking for me because I usually love the book section of Vogue

Okay Lady Gaga's article--BASICALLY THE WHOLE REASON WHY I BOUGHT THIS MONTH'S ISSUE as fast as I could get my hands on it. The shape shifter part is so real and you know damn well I tried my hardest to look at all the looks brought up in this one because well MISS GAGA IS THE LOML. and I'm so so so happy she found someone I hope the very best for them both ahhh also her saying "I'm not ready to meet my husband" HAD ME on the floor.

I am a sucker for decades--so obviously I was obsessed with the article and the pictures for on with the shows. My favorite pictures were the 60's and the 80's personally. As someone who generally likes 2000s fashion personally I just wasn't the biggest fan of the picture for it no hate to anyone in the picture just wasn't my taste.

OK OK I WAS SO HAPPY FOR THE FALSE FRENCH CHIC GIRL THING ON PAGE 158 BECAUSE THIS IS LITERALLY THE REASON WHY I BOUGHT VOGUE LIKE OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS. I love the giant sunglasses with the cute little Veronica de piante jacket and I love any chanel two tones shoe. Also can we please just bring back cameras?? Like just physical cameras because oh my God their so cute and chic.

IN GENERAL 8.7/10 ISSUE HERE. Please feel free to disagree or share your own opinions down below I LOVE YAPPING ABOUT VOGUE

Xxx Angela Hartbreak

[whenthechickencry]

Umineko Ch1. Replay 4

The fact she calls out to her mom when she is the one person who isn't gonna figure out a calm way to deal with this hurts, ouch. Even amongst all the hatred she has for her mom she still trusts her.

This line always stuck with me because of how insane it reads on the outside. She's 9! A whole 9! She's an infant what do you mean old! I guess it shows her toxic environment meant she was never allowed to act like a child and is bitter about it.

Hurts to read this. Clearly, they want to stop Rosa's abuse but don't know how. It's easy to judge them as cowards but realistically what can they do? Yell at Rosa who will then take it out on Maria more?

Honestly living on that island seems like abuser heaven so at least Jessica's parents aren't the worst, comparatively speaking. She has very limited contact with the outside world and every exit is very tightly controlled.

Setting up the "who gave Maria the umbrella" mystery I see Kanon!

It's really hard to not read Maria as autistic me, with her taking orders very literally, her word repetition, and her hyper fixation on magic stuff. Just makes the way Rosa blames her for getting bullied and not having friends even more horrific.

Kumasawa laughing at the prank she helped pull, lol

idk battler It could be the worst day of my life but if I'm getting a 5-star meal I'm mowing that down happily

It's a bit sad how clearly Battler holds Kyrie in high regard and obviously does kind of consider her family even if he denies it considering that Kyrie fucking hates him

I am using the Umineko Project version of Umineko, and you know, the console sprites for Umineko are a lot more varied than the 07th mod would led you to believe (not that I am criticizing them, I am sure there were technical reasons as to why they had to be removed) there are some with Eva holding her unfolded fan that I didn't screen earlier too)

Nanjo going along with the script and getting jumped on by everyone lol

Wow, way to talk about your child Rosa

Oh here is the portrait I was talking about earlier, also everyone's tune immediately flip flops about the letter when they realized its beneficial to getting money lmfao

It's kinda cute how much Jessica tries to prove she really is the one who hates her parents the most when she probably has the best relationship with her parents out of the cousins

Yeah yaeh you are so mature and understanding than your cousins George, not like you are the one most willing to cut off your parents when their money or status obsession gets in the way of your goals or anything

Doesn't work as well for a game where the opponent isn't really trying to win and doesn't always do the most logical moves, does it?

Kyrie's correct though, if they had simply asked her on her terms who Beatrice is from the start (Something along the lines of who was Beatrice possessing) she probably would have answered!

Well, it's more like she realized you were the best one to get the information she wanted, but you do love her too much to consider that.

He's so fucking scared of Kyrie and he should be, to be honest! Though it's partly your fault she's like this.

This is also probably R07's way of telling you to look at the heart and not just the murder mystery!

Obviously, Natsuhi doesn't believe this because she knows Kinzo is dead, though I wonder if she thinks this was s will he left to the servants or something?

i wanna punt this man

I think Natsuhi and Jessica is probably the only parent/child relationship in the game that probably would heal itself with time... they both understand what is going wrong but aren't sure how to fix it, and I think with Jessica going out of her parent's house soon she probably would have been able to understand her mother more and makeup once they saw each other again... it makes me a bit sad to think about how the tragedy made it impossible for that to happen.

I'm already crying fuck. They are both extending their hand to the other. They are making steps towards repairing their relationship! And it's all getting destroyed!

I wonder how many times conversations like this happened in reality. Genji trying to convince Yasu to allow themselves to live their life normally but Yasu thinking that they aren't worthy of that, and feeling deeply guilty when they did interact with others...

I wonder if George has ever really tried to engage with Shannon's own interests, knowledge, and likes, instead of just assuming because she is a servant that everything he tells her is new and exciting to her

[aita-systemized]

Okay, how do I do this... AITA for blocking & hating one of the systems long-time close friends?

so to start, "hate" might be an exaggeration. I dont hate this person (call them S) It's more like I hate all their other friends- they're shitty people in my opinion. To explain why I think that, basically my in-sys sibling (call her U) told me about this situation where all this persons friends ganged up on a system over some lesbain label discourse, particularly S's boyfriend. At first I was like "okay, that wasn't their fault so it's fine." But honestly since then S has been talking over lesbians, like their boyfriend does. This really passes me off (im a lesbian, we dont need to be spoken over like we cant speak for ourselves, i say), and I know it bother U and some of our other alters too.

U tried to talk about it but honestly much as I love him I think she was too passive and didn't really stand up for herself too much.

To continue, U and another alter (N) have been saying they think S's boyfriend is shit for months now and just haven't done anything about it. I personally agree with this, according to them S's boyfriend and friends pushed S into making a decision about this discourse and acted vile the whole time. S's boyfriend isn't a lesbian, yet was literally freaking out over this label discourse and acting like it was their personal problem which sounds very gross to me.

The kicker though, is that S has said they don't want to interact with anyone who has a problem with their boyfriend and they will always choose their boyfriend first. And idk, I have a problem with someone who, in my experience is pushy and manipulative with *you* and also talks over groups they're not a part of.

Frankly, S seems to have a lot of friends like this, who talk over others without listening to the people they're "degending" and "fighting for" (you're not fighting for lesbians or systems by driving one off their account over a fucking label), and a especially a lot of friends who talk over systems when talking about syscourse (which particularly pisses of N). That annoys me, discourse annoys me, I hate all of this. But the main reason I did this was for my alters- I mean, U is my brother! And that's why I wanted to ask other systems. So uh... AITA?

[just-lndifference]

I'm convinced this year is just a dream or simulation or something because generally what the fuck is happening.

someone I looked up to for 5 years that I originally named myself after turned out to be an abuser and wrote the most chat gbt ass ""apology"" and only cares that shubble was brave enough to speak out. (SUPPORT VICTIMS)

taylor swift announced her 5th album in 5 years (not including re records) WHILE WINNING A GRAMMY. and then being the amazing woman she is became the first person in history to win aoty 4 times.

twenty one pilots not only announced a new album, but is open with the lore and released a single that is one of the best songs they've ever made. when clancy drops this whole fandom is cooked.

this is the first time I've genuinely been terrified because of an election. if trump wins I genuinely don't think I'll be safe in this country because of project 2025. I'm a bisexual nonbinary person, I will never have a chance to get gender affirming health care and will lose the right to get married. and that's just the stuff that will happen to me! I can't imagine how scared people that are in more affected groups then me feel if I'm this scared. I know he's a horrible option but if your seeing this and old enough to vote in america PLEASE vote for biden. independents just don't have a chance, yes he funds a genocide but trump will too, and hell do much worse things. as a minor I'm literally begging y'all to think of everyone who isn't old enough to vote yet.

erm this is very unserious compared to the last part of my rant but I like lana del rey now!! 😭 obviously not her as a person (free palestine) but her music. and this is a major unseen development I've aggressively trashed lana and her fans since midnights came out bc of snow on the beach (turns out that it's just a really shit song 🙏). idk shout out to the person who made me feel obligated to listen to born to die (album)

also my henry danger hyperfixation from when I was 10 just decided to resurface?? like yes I had it for like 4 years BUT WHY IS IT BACK HELLO??? idk but ray is like super hot now that I'm older and I really want to date his goofy ass 😭😭 I remember not liking him much for some reason but like.. he's just a silly little guy.. babygirl if you will.. just a little rat boy..

I accidentally convinced 2 people to read the forest fic (neither were clikkies and I just met one of them). I don't think anything more needs to be said I made 2 full grown adults cry over a band they've never listened too 😭🙏

on that note joshler is big on twitter again but it's widely accepted?? idk what happened there but a good chunk of the art on my tl is clancy x torchbearer and I honestly don't mind.

jason kelce retired. in my family it's a thing to hate the eagles but holy shit I cried so much. the edits literally fucking destroyed me. I had no idea how much of an amazing person he was until taylor started dating travis and I wish I had more time to be a fan of this wonderful man while he was still on the field. he's so goofy and always made me laugh, I genuinely love the guy now.

the chiefs once again won the superbowl, I was honestly terrified the whole time and cried a few times that was the most stressful game of my life. I'm so fr I tried to get a rep tv announcement date from the disney plus commercial, taylor immediately being shown when the game came back on with a chiefs jacket that magically appeared out of nowhere that had a number that wasn't a player I lost my shit 💀

I could go on for hours, and it's only March. genuinely so much shit has happened and I'm not ready for more.