#honestly she just has no bad looks
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so so so SO random but can you imagine if ellie had brown eyes… that woman would be a problem—
this ask made me open up facetune…
well, yes now i can imagine it and a problem is an understatement holy—
i present to you,
✧ brown-eyed ellie williams ✧
#ellie the last of us#ellie williams#ellie tlou#the last of us 2#the last of us ellie#i love the last of us lesbians!#the makers of tlou knew she would be too powerful this way#brown eyed ellie would be the death of me—#like seriously#honestly she just has no bad looks#her eyes could be neon-orange and i’d still be drooling…#thank you for this thought it’s gonna rot my brain for the next five days—#cup of jupi ✩°。⋆⸜🫖
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Hot take:
Crosshair does not have the Imperial disillusionment and redemption arc of The Bad Batch
Emerie does.
Crosshair has an arc for sure yes but it's not that.
I was thinking about this scene:
and how it got right what this scene kinda didn't:
(It was so close but then bad writing decided to undercut the moment with a joke rip)
And I think it's really interesting that these characters who were more or less raised into the Empire/First Order and chose to leave it are all directly asked why.
But take a look at Crosshair's answers in comparison:
Different context for the asking, yes, but still, compare that to clones like Howzer, Cody, Slip and Cade who left or turned against the Empire because they knew what the Empire is doing is wrong and they weren't just going to blindly follow orders:
Crosshair - Loyalty, Purpose, and Survival
Crosshair didn't choose to join the Empire (though the show isn't very clear or consistent about how much control the inhibitor chips have) but he did, for whatever reason, choose to stay. By the end of S1 we know his chip has been removed and as he definitively says "This is who I am." There were likely still other influences on his decision, but listen to how he talks about the Empire in the S1 finale:
Hunter: Crosshair, I've seen what the Empire is doing. Occupying planets and silencing anyone who stands against them. You know it's not right. Crosshair: You still don’t see the bigger picture, but you will. Hunter: Can't you see they're using you?
Crosshair: We’re not like the regs, we never have been. We’re superior. The Empire can’t protect the galaxy without strength, this is what we were made for. Think of all we could do, together!
Crosshair: You all are meant for more than drifting through the galaxy. It’s time to stop running. Join the Empire, and you will have purpose again.
Hunter: They destroyed an entire city! Crosshair: They did what needed to be done. Kamino, regs, the Republic, that time is over. The Empire will control the entire galaxy, and I am going to be a part of it. Hunter: Don't fool yourself. All you'll ever be to them is a number.
He undeniably knows what the Empire is doing, but he does not care. In fact it sure sounds like he actually supports it and finds self-meaning in it. Hunter spends those episodes trying to convince him it's wrong, he doesn't change his mind. In the end they offer him an out and he doesn't take it.
Wrecker: You coming with us? Crosshair: None of this changes anything. Hunter: You offered us a chance, Crosshair. This is yours. Crosshair: I made my decision.
The next we see Crosshair in "The Solitary Clone" (S2:E3) he follows orders and shoots the Desix governor, right after Cody heartbreakingly tries to do what's right and find a peaceful solution.
Cody: Tell me something, Crosshair. This new Empire, are we making the galaxy better? Crosshair: We’re soldiers, we do what needs to be done. Cody: You know what makes us different from battle droids? We make our own decisions, our own choices. And we have to live with them too.
After this (glorious!) conversation, Crosshair stays. Maybe this began to seed some doubts, but he actually smiles a few scenes later when Rampart assigns him another mission. It seems like for him it truly is as he said in S1:E1 (chip not enhanced yet but still influencing him enough for his brothers to notice he's acting strange):
Crosshair: Republic, Empire... what's the difference.
Crosshair: Orders are orders.
This unethical mission that finally pushed Cody over the edge does not change Crosshair's mind about the Empire, at least not enough for him to take action.
But what does?
Mayday: And here we are, the survivors. Combat troopers stuck babysitting cargo shipments. Crosshair: Mission’s a mission. Mayday: Yeah, I used to say the same thing.
Mayday: After all the clones have done, all we’ve sacrificed. We’re good soldiers, we followed orders. And for what?
This mission has nothing to do with how the fascist Empire treats the galaxy, it's about how they treat their soldiers. It's about how Mayday loyally fought and served his whole life and Lieutenant Nolan let him die
Lt Nolan: He served his purpose as a soldier of the Empire. Crosshair: You could have saved him! Lt Nolan: Perhaps you didn’t hear me, he is expendable, as are you.
Crosshair thought he could find purpose within the Empire, and Nolan shows him exactly what that will be.
His turning point is accompanied with this powerful visual of the ice vulture, a symbol (and threat) of death, and also set up within the episode a symbol of survival:
Mayday: Vicious creatures, but you have to admire ‘em. They find a way to survive.
This critical moment (that gives me chills, oof this episode is a masterpiece!) comes right after Nolan calls him expendable and directly threatens him:
Lt Nolan: And if you speak to me again with such disrespect I'll see to it you meet a similar fate, clone.
then Crosshair sees the vulture's shadow and turns to Mayday's dead body (ahh visual storytelling my beloved) then makes his decision:
Crosshair turns against the Empire not because he believes Hunter was right about this:
Hunter: I've seen what the Empire is doing ... You know it's not right.
but because he was right about this:
Hunter: All you'll ever be to them is a number.
Redemption (both in fiction and irl in my humble opinion) comes with making amends and reparations (which is why death 'redemptions' bother me so much but that's a rant for another time). Unlike Emerie, Crosshair never explicitly denounces the Empire or his own actions within it. He never says anything to specifically show if and how his views have changed from what he said on Kamino. He makes amends with his family (sending the warning message, helping Omega escape, making up with Hunter) but that's about it. The most we get in terms of acknowledgement is this:
Crosshair: I thought I knew what I was getting into with the Empire. I thought I was being a good soldier. Hunter: Nobody really understood what was happening back then. Crosshair: I’ve... done things. I’ve made mistakes. Hunter: I have regrets too, Crosshair. All we can do is keep trying to be better, and who knows there just might be hope for us yet.
Which is nice and all but it's more about them making up as brothers so it's way too excusing tbh ("no one knew what was happening back then" ummm? "The Empire will control the entire galaxy, and I am going to be a part of it" remember? And even if at first Crosshair was being controlled by the chip, the fact that he chose to stay after it was removed* means he condones and is therefore still accountable for those actions).
There's also a bit of self-destructive guilt:
Crosshair: Omega, don't risk anything for me. I belong in here.
Crosshair: Omega needs you both. So I’m doing this alone, it’s what I deserve. Hunter: Don’t even think about plan 99, Crosshair. Omega needs all of us.
(which thank you Hunter for pushing back on the death redemption bs and oh look is that a wrap up for the purpose thing?)
But there's no action taken on his part to make up for what he's done or to stand against the Empire (aside from the bare minimum of help with Tantiss, only after it became personally relevant, which like yeah he had trauma to deal with but still).
While I do think the implications/follow-up of Crosshair's turn should have been handled better in S3 (like rip Howzer! he deserved an apology, but that's a rant for another time), I don't necessarily** think this arc is a bad writing choice. It's just saying different things than we expect:
Maybe Crosshair's story is not about standing up against an unjust system, like we see with many other characters (who deserved more screen time but that's a rant for another timeeee). Maybe his story is about how even those who are loyal to the Empire, who actually believe in it, still suffer under and within it's rule. Not to garner sympathy, but to show that there is no winning.
Crosshair has another 'so what changed' convo in S3:E14 with Rampart, in which they draw parallels to each other:
Rampart: You used to believe good soldiers followed orders. Crosshair: Depends on who's giving them. The Empire betrayed us both. Rampart: And you think you can fight them? That's not you. You're like me, loyal to no one but yourself. Crosshair: I've changed.
(note how he says who's giving the orders, not what the orders are)
"Loyal to no one but yourself" describes Rampart much more than Crosshair, since we often saw Crosshair pride himself as a loyal soldier of the Empire whereas we saw Rampart abuse power to be self-serving within the Empire (like when he killed Wilco to save face). But they were both betrayed either way. Vice Admiral Rampart, snively Imperial opportunist through-and-through, shouts "I was following orders!" as he is arrested for the Empire's purposes. (Edit: and where Crosshair rejected the Empire and found new purpose fighting for his family, Rampart was still self-serving in the finale. He still tries to gain power for himself and he gets his comeuppance).
Even Hemlock, the final boss immoral Imperial scientist, who has to be benefiting the most from this system, echoes the expendability idea:
Hemlock: What I am working on is beyond your understanding. Something so vital to the Empire it makes me indispensable.
Then there's CX-2, also set up as a parallel/foil to Crosshair (fight me), who in the end is discarded as no more than a weapon, a tool that served it's purpose, showing us what would have become of Crosshair if he had stayed.
There is no winning in the Empire. Loyalty is not rewarded, it "doesn't go both ways." Everyone has to fight for their value. Even high ranking individuals** who for a time benefit from the injustice, in the end are just pawns to be used up and cast aside at a whim for the Emperor's gain. Even people who are motivated by self-interest alone cannot survive within this system, the only viable option in this galaxy is to fight the Empire and dismantle that system. (unless you conveniently find a magically safe island to hide away on but that's a rAnT fOr AnOtHeR tImE)
Which brings us back to...
Emerie - Cooperation, Compassion, and Choice
(Okay this post has already gotten away from me but I still want to talk about her to show the contrasts.)
Emerie may not have been given a lot of screen time to really flesh out her development, but there is a lot that is pretty clearly implied with her:
Crosshair: They’ll never turn her [Omega] over. Hemlock: They don’t have a choice. She is a clone, and therefore Imperial property. *Camera cuts to an angle more centered on Emerie’s face*
Crosshair: Give me your access card! Emerie: It won’t get you outside!
Emerie: I tried to warn him what would happen if he did not cooperate with the Doctor.
Emerie: Prisoner? Omega, you are no such thing. It will take time to adjust, but you will acclimate. It is far safer in here than out there.
Emerie: You should go back to your room. Crosshair: You mean her cell?
Emerie: Why children? Hemlock: Children are easier to attain and more agreeable to the subjugations. They are unaware of why they are here and what they possess.
Emerie: They're children. Like I was... Was your plan to discard them too? Nala Se: The Empire will keep them in order to control them.
We don't know a lot about Emerie's background, but it's clear that she had a lot less choice than Crosshair and less opportunity or ability to leave. Unlike Crosshair, we never directly hear Emerie's views of the Empire (and she was most likely 'taken under Hemlock's wing' before the Empire even came to power), but lets look at how she talks about the Tantiss:
"Remain calm. Cooperate and you might survive."
"Don't make this worse, Crosshair! There is no escape!"
"All of us serve a purpose here."
"The Doctor will inform me, if it's necessary."
"It's best not to ask questions."
"Escape is not possible, Omega. This is for your own good."
She honestly does the best she can within the system she is also trapped in. She tries to help Crosshair, Omega, and the vault kids in the only way she knows how (warns Crosshair about the hounds and security, tries to protect Omega from Hemlock, tells Scorch his "actions were extreme" with Jax, insists on overseeing Bayrn's retrieval, double checks his m-count (to give him an out), and tries to find out where he came from). When she gives Omega, and later Eva, the doll, I think it shows just how little she really is able to do here (and it's kinda heartbreaking imo).
The framing of this shot especially (after Jax's escape attempt) visually shows how Emerie herself is trapped/imprisoned:
Despite the fact that very little of this is Emerie's fault, she has very little power and she is doing all she can, the narrative does not excuse her role in the Empire:
Nala Se: What will you do, Emerie? Emerie: There is nothing I can do. I don't have that kind of power. Nala Se: Don't you?
Emerie: I- I was doing my job. Echo: Yeah, I’ve heard that before. You’re a clone. How can you be part of this?
These fighting-the-Bystander-Effect conversations parallel these exchanges:
Hunter: We made a choice, and so did you. Crosshair: Soldiers follow orders. Hunter: Blind allegiance makes you a pawn.
Crosshair: We’re soldiers, we do what needs to be done. Cody: You know what makes us different from battle droids? We make our own decisions, our own choices. And we have to live with them too.
which did not change Crosshair's mind. And honestly, all respect to Echo's disappointed mom glare™ but I think it's clear Emerie had already made her decision, she just needed help to actually be able to do anything about it. When she stopped Echo, with her voice wavering on the verge of tears (ahhh v good voice acting), she clearly had no intention of turning him in. She's on her own in the Empire's most secure facility with very little resources, if she had tried anything on her own she most likely would have failed and been killed
Omega: Emerie, you don't have to do this. Emerie: (sigh) I’m sorry, but I do.
but as soon as she is enabled by an ally, she immediately turns around to help: giving information and getting Echo through security, helping the kids escape, and giving Omega the tablet that allows them to free the other clone prisoners.
Where Crosshair's turn is accompanied by the symbolic imagery of the ice vulture, Emerie's is the removal of her (literally rose-tinted!) glasses:
Symbolizing how she has shed her previous views/indoctrination that altered her perception of the Empire and blinded her to it's wrongs. It's disillusionment.
Emerie's story shows us that even those who are raised and indoctrinated into this system can, should, and will escape (with needed help). Even those who did not choose to be apart of the Empire and are not making the decisions still have the responsibility and ability to act on what they know is right.
Emerie, whose name means 'Home strength' 'Brave' and 'Powerful', and "reflects the importance of leadership and authority in the workplace".***
While Emerie is only in one more scene after her turn, so the wrap up is a bit rushed, she still very simply does what Crosshair does not:
Emerie: Because I was wrong about this place. And I'm trying to do the right thing.
Echo: I’m sure Senator Chuchi would find what you have to say very helpful for our cause. Emerie: I have a lot to make up for. I’d like to help out however I can.
She admits wrong, takes accountability, commits to making amends, and leaves with Echo to go take on the Empire (which hopefully we will get to actually see more of some day).
So, in short, she's showing us how redemption is done right!
---
Notes:
*Whether this writing choice was good/logical/in-character or not is another discussion entirely, but I'm going off of what we were given, what the show is presenting in the canon text and (reasonably inferred/intentional) subtext. Crosshair is pretty multifaceted and I could only touch on so much here. There's a lot of ways to interpret his character/choices, but I tried to avoid the realm of speculation or fanon explanations (even if they sometimes make more sense lol).
**History and political theory are not my area of expertise at all, so I have NO idea how well this aligns with real-world fascism stuff and therefore what implications this storytelling choice could have. I think the message of like 'if you think you could survive or gain power by doing what the Empire/fascist system wants you are wrong' could be good (like how everyone is actually harmed by the patriarchy type of a thing), but I hesitate bc maybe there are those who would benefit, since it's a hierarchal system, right? If anyone more knowledgeable than me has incite to share, by all means
Either way, I do think it works in-story and in-universe though. It's just in the execution. The main problem (even from a strictly theme/character arc stand point) is the lacking follow-up/consequences for Crosshair in S3. Like you gave your character accountability by removing the chip and I think that's great setup for an arc but you gotta follow through with that and actually hold him accountable!
***I'm always curious when clones have 'normal' names, like why did they chose the name Emerie of all things? So I looked it up. Idk how reliable sources are for name meanings so take it with a grain of salt but it's still fun. Fits pretty well, and clones names have definitely had significant meanings in the past (like how Rex and Jesse both mean 'king') so I'm pretty sure it was intentional.
Anyway, thanks for coming to my tedtalk
#this fandom has been SLEEPING on Emerie's arc yall!#like look at her I LOVE her#I was kinda neutral about her on the first watch but now i'm realizing just how sad and scary her story is#she's honestly pretty cool and interesting as a character and i do hope we get to see more of her at some point#also the outpost is such good writing ahhh if only the whole show had the same quality#sorry crosshair girlies your blorbo is kinda a fascist?#like we don't judge a character based off who they were/what they said at the BEGINNING of their arc#they have to start somewhere to end up somewhere else#it's how well the writing executes that transition that matters#but also where did he end up? really :/#star wars#the bad batch#tbb analysis#tbb critical#those rants may come we'll see#star wars finn#emerie karr#tbb crosshair#arc trooper echo#captain howzer#commander cody#commander mayday#tbb cx 2#writing#writing pet peeves#character analysis#redemption arcs
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CR's Godly Option C: Who will go for it?
Spoilers for Campaign 3 Episode 119 below
Okay so there was a development.
After a long and painstaking dance of circling around the Predathos and Gods situation, we have reached the pivotal point. Bells Hells are fighting the God Eater, Imogen is still tethered to it, and the Gods are sending reinforcements to try and seal it again.
Sealing Predathos again is unlikely, since it required the Primordials before, and it'd only be a temporary fix. Most of Bells Hells are advocating for change within the relationship between gods and mortals as the Matron of Ravens had hinted, with all of them (yes, ALL of them, including Ashton and Dorian) wanting to prevent the gods from dying, but they also believe Predathos will get out either way. I think it's implied that defeating Predathos will force it to be suppressed within Imogen, that or it'll just discorporate and another Ruidusborn will become the vessel once it recovers its strength, but since it's intent on consuming divinity and can threaten to overwhelm her again, the third option was presented: to become mortal.
While the Matron explains that if the process is possible they will still regain their memories similar to how the Luxon and the mortality route they took in Downfall work, the gods will also need to be convinced of this outcome between death, departure, or depower. In this post I will discuss the potential of each god's reaction and willingness to enact this option C. I'm also thinking this under the impression that the gods will reincarnate, it wasn't fully clear that's the case but since this is meant to shift the relationship between gods and mortals long term I'd suspect it'd be a cycle.
We'll go alphabetically, also because we all know who begins with A.
Asmodeus, The Az-hole Lord of the Nine Hells Given that the Lying Cheating Whore Bitch that is the Lord of Terror, Lies, and the Hells has a massive shtick up his butt about mortals being lower than him, becoming mortal permanently is like a worst case scenario for Azzy M. He will be the hardest to convince, especially since as Lord of Lies he will have obscenely high charisma to resist potential persuasion rolls. The only opening is to appeal to his insecurities about his family, the deep but warped longing to be with them again, but even that is a paper thin line not even Braius can easily stay on the right side without the risk of a ripped-off face and a shattered spine. If he is convinced, however, there has to be the expectation that a betrayal or loophole is inbound.
Avandra, The Changebringer The Goddess of Change is someone you'd expect to welcome the very nature of her domain. Had FCG survived perhaps she would've been more present or be in the position the Matron is in right now for the story, since in hindsight she is similarly suited to be the vehicle of this path. Also a Goddess of Adventure, she might even be enticed with the idea of getting to partake in her own journeys, so a low amount of convincing is likely to be needed for this one, the Hells may spend more time chatting to check in on FCG with her instead.
Bahamut, The Platinum Dragon We don't get much info on the Platinum Dragon in the campaigns despite its looming presence and adjacency to the parties, its influence is central to Vassalheim, the religious capital of Tal'dorei, which has a big hand in a lot of Exandrian Politics. Given its strong sense of justice and protecting the weak, I think the Platinum Dragon would need some convincing that this is the right call - which can be difficult given the prospect of chaos that'd unfold from it - but would bend to its logic if the majority were in support, the Lawbearer and Knowing Mentor may be linchpins to encouraging them since they all have the air of sharing the same sense of pragmatism.
Bane, The Strife Emperor War and Conquest are Bane's bread and butter, and while peace can be established in the aftermath it is sadly in mortals' nature to fight and take from one another through violent means, bread and butter (metaphorically, but imagine if it were literally for a moment). For that reason I think Bane would be fine with mortality - war could perhaps be more fun if there's jeopardy involved and death this way is just a respawn. They may put on a front to be against it because it's for reasons of peace, but Bane would rather live to fight another day than never fight again.
Corellon, The Arch Heart The Arch Heart is a curious one. They wanted to leave, they told Bells Hells as much in the feywild, but the Matron is convinced that the Arch Heart simply wants change and would be open to mortality. Due to them having the chance to present their case for departure, I think the Arch Heart would take probably a medium level of convincing. As SILAHA they enjoyed the indulgences and hedonism of mortality and can do so again, but may feel a little slighted by Bells Hells not following through with their plan - they are a vain god after all. Overall I think they too would bow to the majority if it came to it, since their plan involved all of their siblings running with them.
Erathis, The Lawbearer There is a downside for the Lawbearer and Wildmother with mortality. As lovers, sacrificing their divinity will mean life apart from one another for long periods at a time, and by the time their memories are restored it can open up a massive can of worms if they found love with others as mortals. The Lawbearer would be one who'd acknowledge the logic, but resist the offer from an emotional standpoint - perhaps preferring to run or to die in each other's arms than to be apart. It'd take convincing the Wildmother to convince them, so it'd be a tall order for Bells Hells to achieve, but it can be done given how she bends more to logic - seeing as she's the one who proposed the idea of the Divine Gate.
Grummsh, The Ruiner Grummsh is a brute, a lover of blood and slaughter. As a result, the Ruiner will probably need as much convincing as Bane does; adverse to the logic of peace but secretly salivating the idea of future conflicts and being hands-on with it in a continual reincarnation cycle. Some convincing required to bypass the facade of hesitation, but not a lot.
Ioun, The Knowing Mentor Ioun has spent centuries collecting information and knowledge, in turn being a deity of prophecy and teaching, she may have already seen this coming. However, she hates secrets and reverse-engineering the forbidden knowledge that is the Ritual of Seeding may make her hesitant of the path. Some convincing is required, but The Knowing Mentor is a fair and logical god, and in logic she can be persuaded and understand that this is among the better solutions to the problem at hand. The Hells may also entice her with the hands-on approach of learning new things, possibly citing Dunamancy - through Ashton and their head maybe - since the gods treat it as foreign and alien.
Kord, The Stormlord The Stormlord is renowned for being badass and stoic, which unfortunately makes him hard to read in this situation. Unlike Bane and Grummsh, Kord doesn't lust after war and battle but prepares for it nonetheless. It may be hard to convince him though, because they could see the option as abandoning the fight - going against their tenets of strength and bravery in battle - but his awareness of Imogen can come into play in her influencing him, and if Bane and Grummsh's excitement can't be hidden it can be used as incentive to keep their warmongering at bay. He can be swayed, but not easily - it cannot be framed as giving up.
Lolth, The Spider Queen Lolth has a disdain for mortals on a similar maybe-slightly-lesser level to Asmodeus, she's possessive and proud of her power, and mortality would mean that she would have to confront the many enemies she has made - such as the Kryn - without the comfort of being out of their reach. She's also petty, and feuds with the Arch Heart and Stormlord can make it harder to convince her if they're already convinced - and vice versa. The Spider Queen strikes as someone who will agree to something so long as she benefits, curiosity can only go so far after all, she may even ask for some grovelling or a tribute/offering as a sweetener. It will be difficult, but the Opal incident is indicative that she fears Predathos, Bells Hells would need to infer that it's the most profitable option to her but also make sure it's not framed as her conceding to their request or being threatened.
Melora, The Wildmother As with the Lawbearer, the Wildmother will struggle to be convinced not because of the logic but because of the heart. Being separated from her lover is a big sacrifice she will very likely show her teeth to avoid, but in exchange she will get to return to her beloved domain properly once more. This may make the Wildmother easier to convince, or it could be harder given how she has trouble letting go of things - since she protested the idea of the Divine Gate in Downfall's epilogue, and the only thing stopping her from being a Betrayer was a reluctance to leave Exandria. It will probably fall to Orym, who has had experience being apart from people they love, to turn the scales and convince her, which will domino into convincing the Lawbearer too.
Moradin, The All-Hammer Not much is known about the All-Hammer, which is a shame since the past campaigns have had such inventive and artistic characters. That being said, I don't think the All-Hammer will need much convincing. Some convincing may be warranted since they are a God of Family and Legacy too, so they'd want to ensure that the rest of the gods are in agreement, but the All-Hammer admires creativity, ingenuity, and craft; and that is something Chetney has the edge to appeal them towards. A chance to see what more mortals can create, to unlearn and relearn various artforms for lifetimes, Chetney's own pursuit of legacy makes him the perfect one to relate to the All-Hammer, and thus there is limited convincing needed.
Pelor, The Dawnfather There have been two sides to the Dawnfather when in conflict in Campaign 3; on one side you have Ayden, the sunshine multiclassing do-gooder who clings to hope and humanity, on the other you have the Dawnfather that sent an angel to suppress Hearthdell and threatened to withhold power from Deanna for questioning him. Like the Stormlord, the Dawnfather could protest or take offence to the idea of becoming mortal permanently, as he could also see it as abandoning their sworn and solemn duties. Asmodeus and The Arch Heart paint him as chief among the 'but mah children' gods in their internal debate to stay or flee, which can be used in convincing him. But he is prideful, and stubborn, and wrathful, meaning it will require a lot of tact and careful wording to achieve, possibly moreso than it would the Stormlord.
The Raven Queen, Matron of Death As the one mulling over the method of enacting the plan, the Matron is a definitive yes who won't need convincing, she's already been convinced. Mortality is not new to her, and she has no disdain for it.
Sarenrae, The Everlight Aside from the All-Hammer and Changebringer, I think the Everlight is perhaps the one Bells Hells won't need to convince at all. The events of Downfall showed that she loves mortals, and loved mortality; the chance to live and love, to raise children, she loved it all and the moment she parted from it she missed it dearly. She might have a bit of guilt about leaving her followers like Pike, but she might also relish the idea of getting to know them on a more personal and mortal level too.
Sehanine, The Moonweaver The Moonweaver's tenets include to live untethered and free and to seize one's own destiny, which could act as a pro or con to encouraging the idea of becoming mortal. It leans more towards the pro side, since lifetimes of experiences can entice her against running away forever - and Fearne is the likely candidate to frame it that way if she is in need of convincing - but it falls to whether she has already made up her mind about which path she wants to take. If she's already chosen another option, it may be difficult to change her mind because it'll be something she doesn't want to do. If she's open to the idea there's little convincing, if not then it requires Bell's Hells to sell the idea.
Tharizdun, The Chained Oblivion Tharizdun is a strange case. The ancient primordial evil trapped in the Abyss - a visual representation of 'too much chaos' - that creates demons and aberrations with its mind to sic on Exandria isn't exactly one who was sent through the Divine Gate willingly. Mortality and reincarnation is likely something it'd leap at, freedom and the floor to corrupt and influence more directly, but also something the other gods would be greatly against them having given their efforts to seal it near the end of the Calamity. Because of this, the convincing would be for all the other gods - mainly the primes - rather than the entity itself, and thus it can be a deal breaker. As a non-Tengar god however it may be 'off the menu', and thus a compromise to keep it trapped may be achieved - it's actually a little unclear if Matt includes them and another non-Tengar god when discussing 'the gods' in this context, since they are included in the pantheon but not exactly a 'god'.
Tiamat, The Scaled Tyrant Another god eager to get out is Tiamat, Arkhan stole the Hand of Vecna for this sole purpose after all. 'Let no affront go unpunished' is a tenet that'd mean Tiamat would take little convincing to return to the Material Plane. In contrast to Lolth, paying back her grudges would be high on her agenda, as well as amassing wealth and her kin, it'd be more of a challenge to convince the Platinum Dragon of her release given how destructive chromatic dragons can be and have been in the past. So not much convincing on her side really, just opposition from opponents.
Torog, The Crawling King Torog's time as Zaharzht in Downfall was intriguing. Without it the jealous god of torture, jailers, and slavers would ironically be someone you'd expect to desire freedom from imprisonment, but Zaharzht hated being mortal and constantly harmed themselves throughout Downfall. Their monologue about peace implied that Torog may be the only god to welcome Predathos' consumption of them, which makes it difficult to say how much convincing they'd need and if they'd even acknowledge Bells Hells' offer in the first place. There's a chance they may bend to family majority, since Zaharzht had a soft - albeit warped and abusive - spot for Asha, but it's probably not something they'd like to agree to out of the three options.
Vecna, The Whispered One Centuries as a Lich leads to only 3ish decades of godhood, damn does it suck to be Vecna. The Whispered One is a god who would definitely reject the idea of returning to mortality, and someone who would probably rather take their chances and run. Much like the Chained Oblivion, being a mortal would probably be very bad for Exandria anyway, since he knows how to Lich himself and knows the Ritual of Seeding to undo the process anyway - Vassalheim has not quickly forgotten his attempt to raze them. He doesn't want mortality and the mortals won't want him, and without the sense of family that Asmodeus may have for the other gods he might be the joint-highest lost cause among the gods. However, the lack of familial ties and potentially also being off-menu might mean the gods are less enthusiastic about staying as a set with him in it, and would be willing to accept mortality without him. As a result, very difficult to convince, not a positive to do so, but there may be a willingness from other gods to just let him run.
Zehir, The Cloaked Serpent Our final god is a mystery, as obscurity is among his domain. We know more of Zehir's treacherous servant Uk'otoa (uk'otoaaaa) than we do of the god himself, but from what we do know is that they are unique in having the most enemies even among their fellow Betrayer Gods, Torog and Lolth. Their small amount of worshippers, mainly Yuan-ti and other snakefolk, are often described as ones looking to be equal to them, which may make it a tall order to convince Zehir to give their followers and enemies a better shot at killing them. There is perhaps the opening of playing to his pride, an assassin would be proud of their ability to kill, and fluffing his ego in order to 'prove' his skill among these bloodthirsty followers and enemies is a route that can be used with solid enough deception. Niche degree of convincing due to poor knowledge of him, but still possible.
#critical role#cr spoilers#c3 spoilers#c3 speculation#exandrian pantheon#predathos#bells hells#c3e119#I'm still for the idea above the others but going into detail has gone 'yeah them getting out would be bad once they remember themselves'#ground rules probably would need to be formed within the reincarnation cycle and maybe some limitations so it's not too much chaos#the other gods may not say no to just keeping the potential off menu gods locked up or fleeing in case Predathos does have a taste for them#honestly there's more gods maybe too proud to say yes than there are a flat no - which is a benefit to convincing those who need convincing#the Tengar lot will definitely have 'together or not at all' mentality - which'll make it tougher to convince the reluctant#I mean if we got ghost FCG during negotiations I may cry but it'd also be awesome narrative and character-wise#can easily see Ioun reincarnating into the Kryn to study beacons - then one day seeing Essek and being like 'Archivist Seth is that you!?'#it is coincidental that most of the Hells have an in or common ground for convincing a potentially hard-to-convince god#If (hoping when) BH defeat Predathos will the Tengari inside it be freed or be a part of Imogen? Would she then become a mortal deity too?#I do hope we get some decent chats though; the stuff we should've done earlier when trying to get more Relics of the Red Solstice#clearly there will be more finer details for Matt to look into but that'll present more unique lore and story beats to sink into
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i feel like. theres designing a character with certain themes and motifs in mind, and then theres making a gijinka for the water bottle on my nightstand
#me when im the only person on the bus wearing a mask: i should make a furry plaguesona#its hard to explain bc. most of the time i try NOT to give my characters a 'strong' theme like making their whole design around#one thing like apples or even broad stuff like baking or cottagecore.. idk if its partly for flexibility or because i cant imagine them#making it their whole personality. not bc i find it cringe or overblown but more like ive learned to associate design with character depth#i had a cutesy uwu persona for most of highschool because i thought it would make me more. likeable? easy to remember? since#memorable character designs are easy to recognize. and one way of doing that is simplifying it with a theme or symbol so you form an#association. but since im a real person its exhausting keeping up that appearance all the time and denying myself things when they dont#fit my 'aesthetic' or 'theme.' i think ive grown past that bc i just collect stuff because i think it looks cool and dont let myself dwell#on how it might 'fit' with my image. but i cant help feeling bad doing it to my own characters bc it feels like im making them too one#dimensional. despite knowing that theyre not real and design alone doesnt reflect depth i cant help feeling like its wrong#despite that i love seeing motifs because it feels like it reflects the characters soul and paradoxically gives them depth. it makes them#interesting to look at too and honestly its pretty fun combining things that fall under a similar category when designing#i struggle find a balance between those two things#actually this reminds me of noelles christmas theme.. i dont remember her saying anything abt liking christmas despite a lot of#her design and character tying back to it. it makes me wonder if she would have feelings about that or doesnt think abt it too hard#or if its like a matching family shirts situation and shes just going along with it??#maybe i should just do whatever i want with my character designs since theyre not real and im thinking abt it too hard#although. this probably has something to do with deep seated identity issues huh#yapping#oc talk#oc
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my beautiful baby gorls
#gari draws#nintendo#smb#gari’s ocs#oc: mela#oc: pera#mareach fankid#fankid#i was honestly considering quoting three wishes for the caption#they cooked with ‘here we stand in time—past present future span’#but yeah! i just really wanted to draw the gorls™️ again#and also draw them older than like. 7#mela has all of her teeth here so imagine that it’s before that other one#imagine them around like. <1 then 6-7 ish then ~18#if you guys remember i mentioned that while mela is technically first in line for the throne even tho she’s a twin she does not have#much interest in it and believes pera is a better fit#so it manifests as pera becoming heir and mela traveling as a royal ambassador/adventurer#mario and peach worry about her ofc and sometimes mela travels with mario but she does a lot solo#she brings back lots of souvenirs for pera when she can’t come with#(not that pera is a homebody mela just moves very fast for her tastes)#idk when they lose the beady eye thing and i will not show a transition 🔥#oh yeah mela’s hair gets lighter! it’ll get even lighter the older she gets before turning grey#i thought about it turning brown but i thought peach needed a win#she also cuts it short when she gets older and honestly i love the way it looks#im sure they have casual outfits too but sorting out the diff child ones was an ordeal i don’t want to do again so#these will be going on their artfight ref 🔥#oh yeah i’m not sure when they stop being the same height but pera is shorter than mela and it pisses her off so bad#mela beating the older sibling is shorter allegations 🙏🏽#and both are taller than mario :^) im not sure on their heights yet BUT there’s a real difference between them#think at least between mario and luigi
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hi I like gelato a lot
youtube
#ask#anon#hi anon. sorry that i used this opportunity to talk about the sims 2 console port#ive had this template made and didn't use it for much besides a few jokes to send to friends#but i think it's on par for Gelato to be this knowledgeable about one of his favourite games.#but yeah basically i grew up with the xbox version of Sims 2 and since the xbox was my brothers console. i didnt get to play it a whole lot#and years later i bought the sims 2 on PS2 and noticed a lot of slowdown on actions and stuff#and the golden bolt (i think thats their youtube name) did a video about the console ports of sims 1 & 2 games#and i was kinda confused hearing them talk about how the sims 2 only had one save file (on PS2) because the xbox version had like eight#and so that. paired with me looking through the cutting room floor page of the sims 2#i was kinda curious to see if the xbox version really performed as bad as it does on the ps2 version#because the golden bolt was also talking about that in their coverage of the ports#and so like again. there's only two videos on youtube that I could find of the xbox version#and the ones uploaded by IGN run on the ps2 version. because of the fucking button prompts they show on screen#anyway. so like thankfully one of the only other xbox videos showcased making a sim. and it's. so much fucking faster than the ps2 version#like on the ps2 version. you'd select a hairstyle. wait 5-10 seconds. and then the hair changes and you get the ui element to customize it#press cancel and you wait 5-10 seconds to revert back to your previous hairstyle#on the xbox version though? it's so much fucking faster#i haven't checked gameplay of the gamecube version but ik that speedrunners use specifically just that version of the port?#im not sure why only because i havent done the research to check what's better about the gamecube version#granted. i have to get around to getting an original xbox controller at some point to prove it for myself that the xbox port runs the best#i know it probably wont be perfect due to the disk having a few scratches. but its gotta beat my ps2 copy#im also curious to see how many save files i used. because im almost certain i used like 6-7 of them#just because i kept creating new story modes with almost identical alien sims with mohawks#in my last playthrough. i think i broke that tradition and gave my sim a flatter haircut. i also forget if i made him an alien or not.#i havent played it in a year due to getting my computer and it taking up the space i used for my crt setup#anyway. hi anon. sorry about that. im happy you like Gelato :)#i genuinely love him so much ever since Helper sketched him up. like she absolutely nailed it. literally couldn't ask for anything better#and writing up stuff for him has honestly made me love him so much more#thank you for the ask anon!! :)
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lol didn’t think someone giving money would give me anxiety
#to the judge that’s gonna see this case next year and the lawyer that is representing it assuming the state idk how this all works#why has the person to say the least get to go a whole year without consequence? a known criminal who after stealing from me and being#released and again getting arrest now for gang violence or some shit she was let go? she maybe associated to the group that killed that boy#last year. and here i am panicking because im afraid to carry cash. im paranoid that imma go outside and my car will be missing. i’m get#panic attacks when i drive to close to that gym and tired going back but physically cannot get out of my car and i start to cry in the#parking lot. i’m not sitting at work shaking forcing myself not to cry because someone handed me cash and i’m afraid someone is going to#steal my purse again. you think that’s not a big deal and honestly i didn’t think it was until my purse was gone. my cards stolen and used.#my key missing EVERYTHING in my purse GONE. so many things in there plus the purse i had money and all that is stuff i paid for now im out#all that cash i’m out 500$ for a key replacement i stopped feeling safe leaving my house all my non replaceable things gone and everyone#spoke to me like it was my fault and had to stand their crying while adults told me not to use a gym locker ??? but in the same breath telli#telling me this isn’t the first time she’s done this she has a warrant for her arrest she’s known to steal cars i’m the problem and there’s#nothing they can do to help me. so while i cry because all the money i had lost and never got back i had to do ALL the work to call my bank#track where my cards were being spent at call the jpay line she transferred money to look up the person she cashapped money to call the#business she was actively spending money at ask the manger if she is currently there and if they could give the police all the receipts and#video of her there for them to act like the hero’s for my brother and i tracking her down while you all belittled me#FUCK YOU AND FUCK HER i can’t be fucking normal about STUPID mundane shit i’m stuck here shaking and crying and what you tell me later it’s#not a big deal? give me all the content of your car and wallet or purse or backpack take nothing out and see what you’re left with and how m#much you need to spend to drive your car again and to tow your car home let a stranger have all your cards and address and tell me you feel#safe#OH and for the gym to tell me they know about her she used to be an employee there she doesn’t have a membership so they don’t know how she#got in and they can’t help but she did steal from another girl that night and an employee last month and who knows how many more ppl like#that’s convenient you pos sounds like she has friends that still work at the gym and open the back door for her or just let her in that’s#crazy no ? and this is all alleged because when if i lost all these things i can’t speak on what did or didn’t happen that’s some crazy bull#shit anyways the towing company felt bad for me maybe because i hadn’t stopped crying they gave me the key replacement number and told me to#mention he referred me so i could get a discount and the layman felt back for me because when i called him i started to cry and when he told#me the price i cried harder so 500$ was the cheapest but pretty much my whole check#key man*#bad** LET ME FIX TAGS#allegedly all these ppl are privileged kids from a privileged background that grew up in a sheltered community and thing there’s no#consequences to their actions because of the lack of accountability from their parents who willing pay for people to look the other way
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watched the 2004 punisher movie yesterday with pixie and honestly i had fun 👍 some stuff was good some stuff was eh some completely irrelevant stuff made me mildly annoyed. but most of all it was funny and they had frank hang around with his tits out for multiple scenes so i mean how could i not have a great time tbh
#marvel#frank castle#the punisher#its also the movie that has the frame that i found like. on a wiki or something? and that pushed me down the punisher rabbithole#maybe im insane but i REALLY liked how frank looked in that movie. lost. confused. profoundly sad. bare chest glistening with sweat#whats not to like honestly. i also felt incredibly bad for thinking this the entire movie because im actually going. a little insane#like lately i just feel generally bad for liking frank in that way at all. as in both romantic and sexual. just. im sorry frank really#so the entire movie id hide my face in my hands every couple of minutes going 'oh god hes so hot im so sorry hes so hot im sorry'#what the fuck is this kid doing#anyway the thing i also liked on a more serious note was that the death of maria and his son was dragged out#because it like. like it kept going. and going. and with every second we both just felt this sense of like. dread and helplessness yk#like you KNOW theyre going to die anyway. and yet you watch them struggle and. its such a specific emotion#my least favorite horror story from a book i had invoked the same emotion in me but worse#and it was called sth like 'the torture of hope' so like. thats the best description i can give#also the thing that annoyed me for no reason was joan being blonde. why is she BLONDEEEEE#SHE JUST LOOKS LIKE MARIA LIGHT THIS IS SO. STUPID#also poor third neighbour but i assume in this movie he had the same role as in the comic (none) because its the 2004 one#i liked daves vibe. seemed like the type of guy my friend karol would have us smoke weed with on her birthday#and also he was just like me fr
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you ever just. become overwhelmed by a sudden out-of-nowhere wave of tenderness and affection and longing for reconnection directed towards someone to whom you no longer speak for Very Good Reasons
#‘out of nowhere’ she says like she hasn’t been doing a lot of reading/thinking recently about various tragic messy breakups#and the later regrets of the parties involved#anyway. tell me not to text her#it’s been over two years since the last time we talked… absolutely no reason to break that streak now. lord give me strength#she was really fucking mean to me! like objectively intentionally unwarrantedly cruel! it ruined an entire year of my life#and fundamentally changed me as a person on a deep level! there’s a lot of things i used to like about myself that i don’t think i’m ever#going to get back#and yet every once in a while we have to do the whole ‘maybe i could make things right’ song and dance 😔#the thing is most of the time i’m not even really angry with her anymore like enough time has passed since all the shit went down that#really i just sort of look at her behavior and feel sad. both because of the impact on me but also because of the ‘that’s really how you#felt you needed to act towards someone who cared about you? you couldn’t have just expressed your feelings in an honest and productive way#instead of just lashing out in the cruelest possible way and ruining the entire relationship beyond hope of repair?’#and i feel bad and sorry that it went that way and honestly i kind of pity her and hope she’s gotten some of her shit worked out#so i’m not like. actively pissed off at her anymore. but also i can’t think about her without thinking about the worst year of my life so 🙃#i don’t actually feel that trying to reopen that door would be very healthy for me at least#we did try a Reconciliation of sorts a couple of months after the initial falling-out and while it was kind of helpful for me in that she#like. apologized lmao. and affirmed that i wasn’t crazy and she did in fact On Purpose say the most hurtful things she possibly could have#said to me given the information she had at her disposal. and that i really had not done anything to her that could warrant that. etc.#it also left a sour enough taste in my mouth that i just don’t see a future where the two of us spending time together is enjoyable for me#and yet… the regret will always live inside me i think. maybe if i were a stronger person…#caseyposting
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Other thingys that happened while gaming (Lady's really just fucking around huh)
#lame to evolve Leomon into Panjyamon when he's just a recolor? yeah. but c'mon its a white lion he looks sick as fuck#and Glitch level 50! the strongest plant ever#beloved lil starter digimon#also i fucking love the stupid ass digiline feature#yesterday my Crowmon send me something like “when can i leave I'd like to go around places”#and i immediately rushed to get him from the pc because that one flavor text made me feel so bad-#Crowmon has a sick design too honestly#Lady on the other hand just sends me random bs#which is funnny considering lorewise she's meant to be evil and hateful n all that#wdym guide?? this lady is just a goofy goober (my Angewomon has never send me shit 🙄)#digimon#digimon story cyber sleuth#Panjyamon#Lilamon#LadyDevimon
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Saw a post abt the Sonic movies that was like "plz filter negativity posts better" which is GOOD AND TRUE you should be doing that. Ok. But then they kept going to imply that the criticisms of the Sonic movies are all entirely Personal and Ignorable and not like. Usually abt the horrific copaganda, misogynistic writing, and Paramount's disgusting zionism.... Guys a lot of ppls problem w the Knuckles show wasn't JUST a bastardization of Knuckles' character or thinking Wade was annoying or whatever, but like was focused on the grotesque Zionist message from that one episode 😭😭😭 you can enjoy something and still recognize that it has intrinsic and huge glaring flaws and talk abt them. I think actually you Should be speaking up abt the misogyny, zionism and propaganda the SCU supports and discusses, ESPECIALLY if you like the movies! Its important to be able to recognize these things in media and admit that even media you personally enjoy can be deeply problematic, instead of hiding it away and pretending those HUGE FLAWS aren't issues actually....
#scu neg#sonic movie negative#do you guys even have a specific single tag? genuine question#scu negative#like bro you just had to say 'plz tag negativity posts better :(' you didnt have to go on a tangent abt how sonic wachowski is a perfect#little angel ...#and writing off criticism abt the movie as 'personal issues' is also just. Mean. undermining ppls genuine investment in the characters#shadow means a lot to me. his storyline js extremely powerful. ofc im disappointed they fucked it up. thats personal but it has real world#consequence. taking a character whos entire plotline is driven by an anti-militant message and who is a genuine and powerful representative#of PTSD in media and making him. Whatever He Is Now is Bad Actually. even if you think thats just a personal take it still has Real Effects#and i dont expect the scu to be a masterpiece of art. i take sonic seriously but i understand that im maybe an Exception and also that#perceptions of characters change between literally Everyone. but i think its still fine to say that i dont trust the writers to tell the#story they want to tell. they very clearly Dont understand what made adventure-era sonic so powerful in the first place and thats a valid#take even if it is 'just a personal opinion'#ok sorry for getting heated. as a board-certified PTSD haver shadow the hedgehog is important to me its like i imprinted on him as a child#like. i dont think its a stretch to assume that theyre probably going to make shadow Dull and Lame compared to his old storylines. gerald i#already so fucked up that i honestly have lost all hope this movie will have good writing. and i can Expect good writing becuz this project#is from a huge corporation that can Afford good talent and Chose to do their movies this way instead#and they were like 'you guys cant b mad that the character you like didnt show up!' when the criticism for THAT is that the scu is doing#EVERYTHING in its power to AVOID adding new and substantial female roles to the cast. rouge not being there is a larger issue besides just#Missing Her. we have 3 reoccurring women/girl characters. out of a cast of roughly 13 main characters. cant you see how disgusting that is.#i think its 13 anyway hang on. im counting wade tom sonic tails knuckles shadow eggman gerald those two gun guys. yeah#'but theyre adding another woman character!' yeah.... and shes another military official..... when we coulda had Rouge the Bat???#thats not the win you think it is.........#ig theres sonics owl mom too genuinely forgot abt her tbh#she exists only to b a mom and die tho so she isnt rlly That Great as a woman character either#and maddie exists only to b Sonics Mom and rachel only exists to be the Funny Aunt and jojo only exists to be The Girl Cousin so......#SORRY ESSAY SORRY i feel very passionately abt sonic!!!! especially in this case!!!!!!!#ok well ig maria is there too but shes also just. Uhm. Ok. Look. i love maria robotnik. but she is a Plot Device not a character. sorry#wades family dont count either becuz. well. they suck NO NO NO JUST KIDDING
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#are you guys not as down bad as me or what?#im very close to purchasing this movie to see if there is more of her#cries what is point i will never be her#like are you actually kidding me with that bedroom scene she has some nerve!!!!!!#wags my finger around REMEMBER i-i ain't gay!!!!#what's it like to be skinny and in a relationship bros#i want her fits#listening to 80's power ballads while making these gifs only makes the job harder#looking at her very respectfully#yeah im normal about this sure#honestly shocked no one has tried making gifs from this but i'll do it and take the bullet it's fine ill just spiral further into madness#kate mulgrew#(sighhhhh)
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wanted to put every outfit Sabé wore in visual media on her slide but the amount of variations her Darth Vader comic outfits have depending on the artist and colorist is insane so for her I'll just do the main ones
#it's not Sabé in half of those pictures because it's just representative of what she wore#i'm not hunting down full-body pictures of her in each of the handmaidens outfit#also there are variations on the existing outfits from darth vader and then there... whatever they did in the 2024 fcbd issue#wish they kept that look honestly#the short hair was so nice#starting the personal slides with Sabé was a bad idea because she has everything from everywhere#FUCK she wore a handmaiden battle dress in that one kids' book do i add it#i will#i love Sabé but this is torturous there's just SO MUCH#and i haven't even gotten tow riting down anything more than her birth year#at least i know it won't get any worse than that#this is as bad as it gets#handmaidens guide wip
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you know if they didn't want us to root for the greens they shouldn't have 1) made all the members of team black both very boring and very stupid (or in daemon's case the most awful asshole to have ever lived in the kingdoms at this point in time) and 2) made all the members of team green desperately hot
#personal#house of the dragon#that entire side's collective face card has never declined#alicent? beautiful. aegon? ethereal. helaena? the prettiest girl. aemond? divine bone structure. criston? super hot. otto? rhys is a dilf.#(i mean hell even alys and larys are carrying on house strong hotness after harwin got barbecued)#(just cuz larys is a shit doesn't mean his actor is bad looking)#and honestly even the dragons especially when compared to the awful designs some of the tb dragons have#(caraxes is idk okay and syrax looks awful)#and meanwhile sunfyre? the it girl of westeros. dreamfyre? a queen. vhagar? gilf rights.#and again the only interesting member of team black is rhaenyra herself but i'm sorry she's also got two brain cells to rub together#this should be an easily winnable war for you but you made shit decisions for twenty years straight#and every character surrounding you is a plank of wood there is Nothing there#(why i'm writing my au where the dance is between rhaenyra and daemon and rhaenyra has more of the traditional greens on her side shhhhhhhh
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I am not immune to any cutes - including Rick and Morty cutes, unfortunately (Patreon)
#Doodles#Keroppi#Princess Tutu#Ahiru#Rick and Morty#Drizz#Tinkles the Magic Ballerina Lamb#And friend - and tree lol#Cure#And the really cute preying mantis girl from Vindicators 2 - what was with that miniseries having a bunch of cute designs anyway#This really is a RaM-heavy cutes dump - look if they're cute they're cute! I can't help that!#From the top first tho! Lol#Got the urge to draw some of my Sanrio faves - Cinnamoroll specifically - but I ended up only drawing Keroppi#I didn't think I had all that much of an opinion on Keroppi apart from y'know - cute lol but I like him quite a lot I think!#Simple little guy :) I like those kinds of squishy little guys haha#I already like Kuromi too so I guess I just?? have several faves now?? Alright cool lol bully for me#I can't explain the baseball uniform outside of the stripes and sometimes I just wanna draw a batter - OFFxSanrio when lol#Random e'phant for funsies :) I can't imagine what has me wanting to doodle a little trunk creachur for some reason haha#And then an Ahiru! Hweh!!! I'm still glad I added Princess Tutu to my rotation but hweh ;;#Might have maybe been poking around AO3 for post-canon fics of her being happy - not even necessarily Fix-It Fics just - she deserves happy!#There was a quite cute one of Fakir comforting her during a thunderstorm by running a sinkful of water for her :') Cute#And then the rest - Rick and Morty sheesh#Who could have figured there'd be so Much cutes! Like I personally kinda like the RaM aesthetic - especially the colours they're really nice#And yeah like Tinkles is designed to be endearing on purpose - which now that I think of it that's another thing I really like isn't it#Gigglepies and Osomons and Twonkies... Yeah the parasitic good-memory alien fits right in with that#Too bad we never see their real form while alive it's only their illusory form until they die aw#As mentioned Drizz and the Mantid girl are both so cute like this isn't fair honestly - and those trees??? In the flashback??#There's nearly matching ones in Webkinz actually which I think is very funny lol#Cure is absolutely no help with any of this - doesn't help that Never-Past-Bedtime-Land and Froopyland are both kinda like where she lives#I blame her for enjoying hopping back in she refuses to shy away from enjoyment pfbtl okay fine
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in my quest to quell my pain ive only hurt myself worse. damned if i do damned if i dont.
#i need better coping mechanisms but it’s so easy to just turn to substances when you’ve never learned how to cope w your emotions#and physical pain. however a lot of it has been brought on by the substance abuse aka i did it to myself#so i probably deserve it#but i started with them in the first place to get rid of pain that was so overwhelming and constant#it feels like every time i do something to preserve myself im punished for it#and im so sick of it. i cant believe its gotten this bad#i drink to help the pain -> i get hungover and the pain is way worse -> i drink to stop that pain#and the worst part is it always works#realistically ive depended on substances for like a decade#i started drinking at 13 and fell into a rut of alcoholism at like 15/16#my mom was going thru a phase of alcoholism and roped me into it so bad if be woken up by her bringing me a drink at 9 am#and we’d drink till she passed out and i had to walk her to bed and cook for everyone and do all the chores#it went on for months one summer#then it was weed and i smoked every day from like 18-22#only thing thwt stopped me from drinking until i started again after both my parents died#i havent recovered since.#im still so traumatized and depressed that i looked for any method of relief#the dph phase was the worst. i think alc is even better than that lmfao it was horrible#once i got access to alc i stopped all that. wouldnt have if i hadnt had alc tho#it’s honestly been one addiction after the other for a decade#and my parents fueled so much of it#‘oh id rarher you drink under my eye than do it behind my back’#BRUH YOU WOULDNT LET ME GO ANYWHERE OR DO ANYTHING. HOW WOULD THWT HAVE HAPPENED#crazy how i was obsessed w drugs and shit by the time i was 10 and i remember thinking wow im gojna grow up to be an addict.#why am i so irreparably fucked up#idk whatever. like im not gonna drink abt it lmao.
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