#honestly partially a reminder to myself

[ellipse-society]

I know there are people out here in the discourse tags that sometimes do not so great stuff to the point of being harmful but it is important to remember we are all human beings here. Everyone in online discourse deserves respect. And that doesn't mean condone their actions just to remember there is a human being struggling behind the words they are posting. We could all be a bit nicer with how we handle things sometimes. I hope you all have an amazing weekend and take a break for your mental health if needed.

-Claire

[uncanny-tranny]

Your influence in this world doesn't need to be all-encompassing and World Changing. It can be small ripples. It can be gentle and easily missed.

Let yourself do small things. So often, people have this idea that to do "good things," it must be a grand gesture that changes every little thing. Honestly, that can be so intimidating and scary. We weren't meant to carry the world by ourselves. We each contribute, often in small ways, often in ways that aren't seen by everybody. But the people you affect might just take that kindness you gave them and let it light them home. Let yourself be that in whatever way you want. You don't need to carry the world alone.

[ahgasegotarmy116]

Shut Up and Kiss Me | Jeon Jungkook | Epilogue

Summary: Jungkook let's you work on his second single 3D but although he's singing this to girls all over he reminds you that you're the only one he wants Pairing: Backup Dancer Reader x Idol Jungkook (f2l they're honestly crackheads I love them) Word Count: 4.7K~ (barely edited per usual lmao) Warnings: Explicit language and smuuttt (he's so hot ya'll I can't) a/n: Kay this took me ling enough to get out but I figured it was about time since the main story hit 1K notes!!! Like what??? Ya'll are actually insane! Thank you so much and I hope you like the epilogue as much as you liked the first part 🫣 p.s. This takes place partially during the 3D dance practice video so yeah I hope ya'll enjoy 🥰 Be sure to read Shut Up and Kiss Me first 💜

"Alright guys go ahead and take a break. Jungkook can you come here for a second?" the choreographer calls out.

"Y/n" Nari whispers, right in my ear scaring me half to death making me place my hand over my heart to ground myself. "Don't do that!" I whisper scream at her. "Not my fault you're staring girly I said your name like three times" she teases and I scoff before walking over to grab my water bottle.

"Am I not allowed to stare at my boyfriend?" I say cocking a brow at her after taking a drink of water. "You are but you also have to remember that your boyfriend is Jungkook and not everyone here knows that" she says, scolding me and bringing me back to reality.

"Hey" Jungkook says, jogging up to us. "What did he want?" I ask, nodding my head towards the head choreographer for this song. "Well..." he says rubbing the back of his neck. "Well what?" I ask, scared that theres something wrong.

"Well they wanted to tell me everyone is doing a great job and the formations are solid but..." he trails off again. "Jeon Jungkook if you trail off like that one more time I'm gonna have a heart attack now tell me what's wrong?" I scold, waiting for his answer.

"They said that we had good chemistry while we were dancing together" he starts off and I let out a breath, glad that it wasn't something major. "But maybe too much chemistry. They think it looks obvious that we're dating with the way we're interacting with each other verses the rest of the dancers" he says and grabs my water bottle out of my hand and starts chugging it nervously.

"Really?" I cringe, loving the fact that we show clear chemistry but also hating the fact that I haven't blended in like a background dancer should. "Yeah they kinda just told me to tone it down and asked me to tell you the same" he says, handing me my now empty water bottle, cringing as well at the notes that they had given.

"Well alright then I guess I'll try my best" I say, shaking my arms and legs real quick to physically shake off the pressure I had felt growing. "Yeah I will too" he says, nodding his head and smiling at my actions.

"What are you smiling at?" I ask, eyes narrowing, a playful scowl written all over my face. "You look cute when you're nervous" he compliments with a crooked smile and I roll my eyes, scoffing at his words.

Once I hear the choreographer call out to everyone to come back and I start to make my way over Jungkook grabs me by my wrist and pulls me back towards him making me fall on his chest. "What are yo-" I start but he kisses me right on the lips and dips me real quick causing all the dancers to gasp and cheer us on.

"Alright you two that's enough" the choreographer scold and Jungkook breaks the kiss and steadies me on my feet again. I take a deep breath, my breath literally being taken away from how sudden that was and how embarrassed I am on top of it.

He rests his forehead on mine and lets out a dry chuckle before I wack him on the bicep which happens to be on full display today with his white muscle shirt on. "Why did you do that?" I whisper scream to him, looking around at all the eyes that have started to trickle away from us and listen to the instructions for the next run through.

"Just because he said we couldn't show too much chemistry while we're dancing doesn't mean that we can't do it while we're not" he smirk, placing a kiss on the back of my hand before running over to the group that's gathered in the middle of the practice room.

I shake my head at him and make my way over on my own, wiping my lips to take away his messy saliva he left on them and when he sees me do so he pouts a bit before looking turning his attention to where it once was.

"What just happened?" Nari whispers when I walk up next to her. "Don't look at me, Jungkook did it. He said something about they said we were showing too much chemistry while dancing but we can when we're not. I don't know something like that" I mumble and she nods her head and goes quiet for a second to listen but breaks her silence again.

"You know all of us had to sign new NDAs today right?" she says and I turn to look at her, my brows scrunched together in confusion. "Really? But why didn't I have to?" I question and she laughs at the same time that the choreographer tells us to get in starting position.

"We signed them so that they made sure we would keep our mouths shut about you two" she winks and the two of us and two other of the girls line up behind Jungkook to get in formation, waiting for the music to start.

"You're kidding me right?" I whisper and she shakes her head, "Your name was on it and everything. They even highlighted it since you guys are the newest idol couple. Well a couple that includes an idol" she says, clarifying her wording unnecessarily.

"Okay I get it I get it" I say, and cover my face with both of my hands in embarrassment. No wonder everyone had been giving me weird looks today.

As Jungkook's voice blares through the speakers Nari and I compose ourselves and wait for our parts.

"I can't touch you through the phone" Jungkook starts, getting into his idol mindset and I get weak in the knees like I always do but take a deep breath and remember to maintain chemistry with him but not too much...

"When there's two dimensions..." he says and our eyes lock when we step into each other. 'He's so fucking hot' is the only thing I can process, my body on autopilot, following muscle memory and willing myself to stop thinking about him.

"So if you're ready, and if you let me" 'Trust me I've let him' I think, my mind wandering to the places I've let him- "See it, in motion, in 3D" he sings, his voice going in and out of my head as I follow the steps along with everyone else.

'Okay why don't I just focus on the other dancers? Yeah make sure our formations look well and our moves are in sync' I think to myself and go along with that.

"Body to body to body to body to body" comes through next and I push on his right shoulder while one of the others girls pushes on his left and I look at the way he's grabbing onto him, definitely a lot harder than she needs to me and I annoyingly take note of it.

"You give me brand new emotion, you got me drinkin' that potion" he says and I hold onto his shoulder while we all do this hip thrust thing. I don't know what the choreographer was thinking when he gave the girls this kind of a move but alright. Being next to him and holding onto his while he does it tho is um...well let's just say the flashbacks are a lot more vivid this time.

"I just wanna see you like that see you like that..." 'God I swear why did I start focusing on the other dancers? Now all I can think about are the girls and everything that goes along with this song and how Jungkook's voice and music dictates our every movement.

"'Cause you know how I like it girl" 'Yes Jungkook, I know how you like it, and you know how I like it. When is this song gonna be over? This is honestly some sick form of torture at this point. You know what, lemme just look at the staff, yeah the staff will be more or less harmless right?'.

When I look towards the staff though my eye catch Jungkook's in the mirror behind them and it takes everything in me to not stop dead in my tracks.

The look in his eyes is mesmerizing, promises of things we would never say aloud hidden behind that fiery stare and it brings me some form of comfort, knowing that although he's singing this song to women through out the world and with female dancers around him, I'm the only one he's got his eyes on. The one he's singing his song to.

I wonder if the reason he chose this song was because these might've been some of his thoughts and feeling for me when we weren't living in the same city, or weren't even on the same continent. Why do I have to keep on having these thoughts? I swear I'm just digging myself deeper.

"I had one girl, too boring" I hear Jack's voice come through and I roll my eyes, chancing a glare at Jungkook and I see him wince, remembering the scolding I gave him when he showed me the song for the first time.

"Am I not enough for you? Too boring?" I fumed. It was on a day when I had been feeling a little insecure to begin with and when he told me he had another song I had been excited to listen because he was excited to show me.

"Baby that Jack's verse, I swear I don't feel like that! You know I've loved you since I was little! I promise!" he pleads and I just end up giving him the silent treatment for the rest of the night but I let him cling to me and he apologized over and over again.

"We already asked him to rewrite his lyrics a few times and I felt bad asking him again" he says, placing his chin on my shoulder and arms wrapped around my waist, being positively attached to my hip.

I turn around to face him, still with his arms wrapped around my waist to make sure he's being honest with me.

"You sure you don't mean that?" I say, glaring up at him and he nods, the poutiest lips and the saddest doe eyes I've ever seen are granted to me along with his response. "Okay" I say, cupping his face and he closes his eyes leaning into my touch before I tap him twice on the cheek.

"Hey" he whines, scrunching his brows together, a new flavor of a pout on his face. "Just make sure that any more features you have on this album young man have to do with monogamy, you got that?" I say pointedly and he nods his head up and down violently.

"I promise! I'll make sure to tell the producers" he says and I hum in response, loving his panicked response. "Why couldn't his verse have been like Latto's?" I groan and try to walk away from him but he pulls me back.

"And what might you mean by that princess?" he says, taking on a whole new demeanor knowing exactly what I mean based off the explicit lyrics. "How they more or less kinda sorta are based off of a true story" I mumble, looking down at where he's pressed our bodies together and dying to get rid of these clothes already.

"Yeah? Which part? Maybe I should make sure it's completely based off of a true story hm?" he says, his hands slowly trailing his hands down from my waist grab my ass, pulling me even closer if possible.

I lean my head against his chest getting shy at the thought that he's keep his promise and he laughs at the cute gesture mixed with the explicit words that garnered this reaction.

"Is my girl getting embarrassed?" he taunts, placing a kiss on top of my head but still making no moves to take his hands off my ass. I whine and he laughs again and lets up, leaning back to try and catch my gaze.

"You know I love you right?" he asks and I hide my face even more, making sure he can't see how red it's gotten. I nod my head and mumble out a muffled 'love you too' but he's not satisfied by my answer and starts walking us backwards, the back of my knees hit the couch and as a result has me not so gracefully falling onto it.

"Since you're too embarrassed to say that you love me it guess I'll just have to make you scream it instead" he says leaving me biting my lip, my heart rate skyrocketing when he comes closer...

'So if you're ready, and if you let me, I wanna see it in motion in 3D' blares through the speaker one last time at the end of the song, all of the dancers going on with the choreography and Jungkook looking back at us, at me and he knows what's on my mind and smirks through the lyrics and I know I'm an absolute goner once we're alone together.

Why do all of these songs have to be so sexual? Every single time we're done with practice or he finishes up his own rehearsals it seems as though he can't wait to be alone with me. Not that I'm complaining but how can one man contain this much stamina.

When Latto said 'Seven days a week, Seven different sheets, Seven different angles I can be your fantasy' she really hit it right on the head.

'You know how I like it girl, 3D' finally closes out the song and everyone stops, panting in effort to catch our breaths can be heard throughout the room and a few of us dramatically fall to the floor in an effort to ground ourselves, including Jungkook.

"Alright everyone that's a wrap. We'll see you guys bright and early Monday morning with one last rehearsal before we fly out to film the music video. Thank you very much and get some rest because we've got a long week ahead of us" the choreographer says and we all clap for each other and get ready to grab our stuff to go.

Jungkook comes over and gives me a hand to help me up and I take it right away, not even having to put in any effort with him putting in all the work to get me back on my feet. "You done for the day?" I ask, seeing that look in his eye, knowing exactly what's bound to happen and as soon as he's about to open his mouth one of the staff members calls him over again.

"Meet me in my studio, this shouldn't take long" he whispers in my ear leaving me shuddering as he leaves me, not giving me even a second to answer before he's jogging over to said staff.

"I was gonna ask if you wanted to go home together but it looks like you've got other plans" Nari says, scaring me again for what is it the third time today? I look at her and she knows the answer already, rolling her eyes and placing a hand on my shoulder.

"Just don't get pregnant" she says, louder than I'd care to admit. "Nari!" I scold and she laughs, causing our little conversation to catch Jungkook's eye, granting me a wink in response but quickly switching back to a more professional demeanor.

"I'll see you later" she sings and I groan before picking up my dance bag and heading towards the locker rooms to shower. I'm thankful that they have these for us because I would hate to have to deal with being disgustingly sweaty just waiting for him to come back.

~~~~~

Once I finish up I make my way to Jungkook's studio where I see him sitting at his desk, hair still dripping a bit while he towel dries it a bit more.

"Thought I told you to wait here for me" he teases, draping the small towel around his neck before getting up to walk towards me, placing a hand on my waist and pulling me in to kiss him. I hum into the kiss, loving moments like these where we can openly be ourselves again.

"Didn't know how long they were gonna keep you so I took my time in there" referring to said shower and he kisses me again before taking my bag off my shoulder and throwing his towel in the little laundry basket by the door.

"Looks like you're gonna need another one soon though" he says, turning around and stalking towards me leaving me walking backwards until I stupidly back into his desk. "Is that a threat?" I ask, taking us back to that morning after.

"Thought by now you would know that I always keep my promises" he says and places his hand on my jaw, putting me at just the right angle to kiss me.

He starts slow, full of the longing and desire he had shown me when he was looking at me through that mirror and deepening the kiss, making me fall further and further into him.

Trailing my hands up his chest I bring them up to wrap my arm around his neck, trapping him against my lips while I use the other to run my fingers through his hair, making my nails drag along his scalp and pull at his locks just how he likes it leaving him groaning into the kiss.

"Tell me what you were thinking about during rehearsal" he says, pulling away from my lips before kissing me one last time and the trailing his lips down my neck. "I wasn't thinking about anything" I gasp when he bites down on my collarbone in response.

"Don't lie to me, I saw the way your eyes glossed over and how flustered you got when I finally caught your eye. Baby was having flashbacks wasn't she?" he teases, trailing his hands under the shirt I'm wearing which happens to be his.

I whimper when his hands cup my breasts, the warmth of his skin seeping through the pitiful excuse for a bra and he pinches one of my nipples as a punishment for not telling him the truth.

"I was thinking about you" I gasp, feeling him smiling against my skin before leaning back and pulling up my shirt a little, waiting for me to give him the go ahead by lifting up my arms which I do right away, used to having done this time and time again in his studio.

"Care to elaborate?" he asks cocking a brow at me, leaving me rubbing my thighs together giving him clear answers as to what I had been thinking of.

"Remembering that you know how I like it? Perhaps the champagne confetti you know you give me every time? Rain rain rain you can't fake it?" he says, trailing his hand down and pressing a finger against my center, already feeling how wet I am for him.

"Seems like she's already soaking wet isn't she" he says, trailing his hand up towards the drawstring on my sweats and tugging them as a plea to take them off. I hop off the desk and he immediately helps me out of them, smiling at the small wet stain that's been left on them before setting me up on his desk again, totally bare with only my bra on which is new and incredibly sheer him having just noticed since it's the last thing that's keeping me from being fully exposed.

I bring hands to my back to unclasp it but he tells me to leave it on. "It looks so pretty on you. Wanna fuck you in it" he growls into my ear before leaning back and ridding himself of his clothing and smashing his lips up against mine, having become even more needy if possible while scanning my body and taking off his clothes.

"Been thinking about this all day. Wish I could fuck you in here all the time. Can't even work properly in here. Just thinking about how I've fucked you everywhere in this room" he says, driving me to insanity while he drags his dick up and down my slit, making me dizzy from the stimulating but needing more to satiate this hunger he's built up in me.

"Jungkook please, do something" I plead, remembering the fact that this room is soundproof meaning I can be as loud as I want in here which is another reason why he loves having sex in here. He tells me he that sometimes he wishes it wasn't though. Says he wants the whole company to know how he makes good on his word and is fucking me right.

"Needy little thing now aren't you" he says, holding back his need to be buried balls deep in me in favor of making me beg some more. I scoot my hips forward and pull him closer in an effort to do it myself but he gives me absolutely no power over the situation.

"Gotta stretch you out" he mumbles against my lips and replaces his dick with his fingers, dragging it along my folds to get some of my slick on it to make it easier to slide in and after playing why clit a little and gaining breathy whimpers from me in response he slides a finger in, drawing circles along my clit in an effort to help me relax.

He does a quick job of it but makes sure to be gentle nonetheless while prepping me for him, needing to me inside me now. As a result he's soon pulling his fingers out of me and placing them in my mouth, distracting me from the fact that seconds later he's pushing into me, leaving me moaning around his fingers.

When I bite down on them from the surprise of him putting it in he hisses from feeling my walls clench around him along with the pain from the bite.

He pulls his fingers out of my mouth and places both hands on my hips and pull me towards him, slamming the rest of his length inside of me leaving me arching my back and choking out a sob.

He snaps his hips into me over and over again at a fast pace he only settles for in times where he's extremely needy or feeling a need to remind me of who I belong to. The first being the case for this situation.

"Shouldn't have let you work on this project" he grunts while his hands grip my hips even harder, dimpling my skin, bound to leave marks tomorrow.

"Drives me fucking insane seeing you move like that, you know that? Makes it so hard for me to not pop a boner right then and there. Fuck how did I get so lucky?" he growls in my ear, leaving me drowning in the sound of his voice, hearing all the thoughts he's been having this whole time.

"You're lucky I took a chance on the loner" I slur out leaving him slowing his pace so he could look at me properly. "Loner huh?" he smirks and I nod, smirking right back at him. He rolls his eyes and picks up the pace again, leaving me giggling at his reaction but soon I'm moaning his name with ever snap of his hips, all my coherent thought long gone when I'm close to tipping over.

"You've got a smart mouth on you today huh? Just begging to get ruined like always, my girl is never satisfied until she's begging for me to stop. Telling me it's too much. You're so fucking adorable when you cry like that. Fuck I wish I cou-" "Shut Up" I choke out, cutting him off by smashing my lips against his, not being able to handle his dirty mouth anymore.

Although I know it's almost impossible for someone to hear us I can't help but want to muffle my moans with his mouth when I cum, making his swallow all of them as his hips stutter and my orgasm triggers him leaving his slowing down, changing his pace to one that more lazy but just as deep, fucking us both through our highs before he pulls out making me whine as the loss of contact.

Maybe I am insatiable, maybe I'm completely lost in him. Not just because of who he is or what he does to me but just because he's him. Someone that I want to spend my life with and although I've felt like that for a long time I'm sure the freshly fucked mindset I have right now is the reason these feelings have come to the front again. 

He rests his forehead against mine and focuses on cleaning me up with a clean towel he had somehow gotten when I was lost in a daze and walks away, cleaning himself up quickly and throwing some sweats on.  

Once he's done and throws yet another towel in the basket he walks back over to me and kisses me. Over and over and over again whispering sweet nothings between every kiss and I swear I could never ask for someone more perfect in my entire life. 

"You okay?" he asks, pulling me off the desk and holding onto my hips, keeping me on my feet when my knees buckle once I make contact with the floor. "Yeah I'm, yeah I'm fine" I say, embarrassed by stumbling even though for the most part I always end up like this after we fuck. 

"Did a number on you huh?" he smirks, guiding me over to the couch to rest after having helped me into thankfully another fresh change of clothes I had in my dance bag with me. "Shut up" I grumble and flop down onto it, laying down and he chuckles before laying down and putting his full weight on top of me. 

I groan and hit him on the shoulders, hoping to get him off of me but he just laughs in response. "I swear you're trying to kill me" I say through labored breaths, but he thankfully alters his position so he's still on top of me but distributes some of his weight elsewhere. 

"No, I just love you that's all" he says, propping his chin on my chest and looking at me as if I hung the stars for him. "I love you too weirdo" I say, ruffling his hair when he pouts at me words, feigning offense.

 "First I'm a loner and now I'm a weirdo? You hurt me with your words" he whines, placing his hands on his chest right over where his heart is. "You are a weirdo" I say, sitting back up and cupping his face turning it towards me. "But you're my weirdo" I whisper, placing my forehead against his and rubbing my nose up against his, giving him eskimo kisses. 

"We need to get home" he says standing up and grabbing my hand to hoist me up as well. "Wait, why?" I ask, questioning his urgency and also getting a fluttering feeling when he call his place home as if we lived there together. 

"You're too cute to fuck just once today and I wanna spoil you" he says, kissing me and making me lose myself in him again. When he pulls away I laugh as I watch him clean up everything and grab both of our bags to carry out and when I try to reach to take mine from him he refuses. 

"Least I can do for my girl after that champagne confetti is carry her bag" he teases and drags me out of the studio before I'm able to scold him properly. "Jeon Jungkook you better watch yourself" I growl and he laughs, thoroughly pleased with himself. 

"I'd rather see you, in motion, in 3D" he says pulling me into the elevator and pressing G for garage while I push him against the wall once the doors close. "Feisty are we? Thought I took care of that back there" he taunts. 

"Just shut up and kiss me" I mumble against his lips and he switches roles, turning me around and pressing me against it instead. "You're gonna get yourself into trouble you know that?" he says between kisses, gripping onto my hips and pulling them flush up against his, showing me how hard he still is. 

"I counting on it" I say and we laugh before he kisses me breathless, the elevator taking us, down down down, each moment bringing us closer to my demise. Knowing tonight will leave me completely shattered, but luckily I've got him to pick up the pieces.

The End

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Fair

"It's what my heart just yearns to say In ways that can't be said"

Logan reflects on his life, sense of self, and his relationship with you

Logan Howlett x Reader

this was inspired by the song "Fair" by The Amazing Devil. You can listen to the song while reading but it isn't necessary. i wanted to capture the song's emotion in this fic, and hopefully, I did.

ok this is take 2 of posting this 'cause the first time had a shit ton of typos and could not live with myself letting ya'll read a fic with typos (especially when i wanted this to be very emotional), partially beta-read, hopefully, it's not as typo-filled as before

masterlist

warnings/tags: emotional hurt/comfort, takes place after the events of DP&W, logan cries, reference to "Beanie" (drabble i wrote), a glimpse of domesticity, and i honestly don't know what else to tag.

Sunlight pours into the room through the gaps of the curtain as Logan stirs awake on your chest. You’ve been awake for a while now, just playing with his hair and humming the first song that came to mind.

“Morning, sleepyhead,” you softly greet him with a warm smile. He looks up at you, his own tender smile gracing his lips. A smile reserved only for you. He doesn’t say anything, too busy admiring your bedhead, appreciating how beautiful you looked in the morning.

He buries his head into the crook of your neck as his smile widens. “Where have you been all my life?” he murmurs softly against your skin.

“In another universe?” you reply playfully.

His smile slowly fades at the thought. His face is still in the crook of your neck as he mumbles “It’s not fair,” hoping you wouldn’t hear, but you do anyway.

“What’s not fair love?” you ask.

“It’s not fair how the universe hid you away from me,” he joked. You gently hug his head and chuckle. He said it jokingly but you know that’s not what he really wanted to say.

It was Wade who introduced you to each other during one of his many parties. You were his neighbor across the hall. After some mildly uncomfortable introductions and comments from Wade, Logan irritably told him to shut the fuck up which led to him eventually leaving you two alone.

You never met the Logan of your world, and Logan never met the you in his world. Sometimes you wonder if you ever did meet the Logan of your word, would he be the same as the man you’re lying with right now? Probably not, and you think it’s for the best.

He stays quiet for a while before releasing you from his embrace and sitting up.

He stares at the wall, pondering about you, your relationship, this world he’s in, everything.

His mind wanders back to the time when you made that odd-looking hat because you said it reminded you of his hair—he couldn’t help but smile, realizing in that moment that he would cherish everything about you, no matter how unusual it was. He remembered the night you two were watching a horror movie on the couch and you were so scared that you somehow found a way to burrow yourself between his back and the couch to get away from the horrifying scenes unfolding on the TV. In that moment he felt a deep and instinctive need to protect you from anything that would frighten or harm you, real or not. And then there was the time you went out of your way to get him the watch he had been staring at in the mall; it made him realize just how much you cared.

Maybe fate brought you to each other, though he’s not entirely sure. But he was sure about one thing: he wants you. He wants this life he’s created with you. He has never felt so content, calm, and happy. Yet, he’s convinced himself that he doesn’t deserve any of this—especially not you.

“Love? Is everything alright?” your voice laced with worry brings him out of his contemplation and back to the present.

God knows he wasn’t a good man, and he’s told you so many times but you stand by him. If he hadn’t already lost everything, he would be willing to do so, if you asked. And that’s what he tells you.

You move to straddle on his lap and cradle his face in your hands.

“Hey, it’s me,” you say softly. “You may not be a good man, and as you said, you’ve done bad things. But what’s happened has happened, and you can’t change that. Even if you could and you did, we wouldn’t be here right now. You may think you don’t deserve me but isn’t that also up to me? I want you, and you want me. Let’s keep it that way, alright?”

He wraps his arm around your waist, holding you close. Afraid that if he moved even the slightest bit you would disappear along with his reason for everything. You don't say anything. You let him hold you until his heart and mind stop racing.

Running your hands through his hair and hugging him against your chest you whisper, “It’s not fair,” echoing his words from earlier. “It’s not fair how much I love you even when you piss me off and act like you don’t need me.”

You settle onto his lap, and softly press your forehead against his. A tender smile graces his lips as he gazes into your eyes. “Well, if that’s the case,” he murmurs, his voice soft and sincere, “you have no idea how unreasonably in love I am with you. With everything you do, with just… you.” he pulls away, holding your wrist and laying his head in your palm, more tears threatening to fall, "You make me feel normal when I'm with you.”

Fighting back your own tears, you whisper, “I love you, and I want you to remember that. I love you so much it hurts. And it hurts me as much knowing you don’t believe that you deserve it, because you do. I love you, so please don’t push me away” you bring your lips to his in a soft and tender kiss.

"I love you more than words can say, and I promise I'll never push you away again.”

“And I’ll stay by your side, no matter what happens,” you added, holding him close.

[meo-eiru]

oooHHH- Meru, my dear, I was going to wait until I had time to draw something before talking about it since I normally do that. But you guys have been talking about it so l can't hold back anymore.

Spoilers ahead for anyone who hasn’t played the game~

(And talk about dark themes. 🫶✨)

Inserting my live reaction here to keep others from accidentally looking at spoilers like I do sometimes:

SO!!!

Based on what I saw in the game, yeah. Starling definitely loved Maelyn. Or at least felt an affection for her. An approximation of those feelings for her. Ultimately, Starling isn’t a human and doesn’t seem to operate quite the way that we would emotionally or mentally (wow that sounds so BAD I SWEAR I DIDN’T MEAN IT IN A BAD WAY-).

Like you said, Starling goes out of his way to dress Maelyn up and even remembers what she said about the “collar” in order to keep her while making sure it isn’t hurting her.

The whole thing didn’t feel malicious, really. Even the drowning. It just felt like he didn’t really understand the consequences of that one action. I hesitate to make the comparison, but Starling kinda feels childlike somehow. I don’t mean this in a way to infantilize the character at all, I swear. It’s just the way he reacts to things. Very dangerous baby with big pointy claws and teeth, lololol.

And you’re definitely right about him being able to make you forget that he’s very capable of violence. Because even when he does things that could be considered violent, it’s in such a way that it doesn’t come off as such. I feel that this aspect of him was reflected pretty well in the game as it is from Maelyn’s perspective and she kinda just goes “well there goes my fingers oh well-“ It was to the point that I was like “wait wait wait rewind and lemme move my bang so I can read that again- her FINGERS??? JUST??? GONE??? LIKE THAT???” But, then again, you could argue that it was partially because of her mental state as well. And I think the whole almost childlike feeling I got from Starling only plays into this whole thing about him feeling almost safe at times even with his glaringly obvious “otherness”.

It doesn’t help that he was so amicable for the most part. But that was likely because he was getting everything he wanted up until Maelyn said she would only come back after four days.

Onto a few other things… This game reminded me of things about myself that I forgot about for a while LOLOLOL-

It was funny because. I got the marriage ending first. But while playing the first time and getting to the part where we first see him open himself up… I was like “what if I just crawled in there- no I shouldn’t think that,,,” THEN LOW AND BEHOLD. WHEN I GOT THE OTHER ENDING- 😂😭

Great minds think alike. ✨

His ribcage the perfect cradle and his heart singing the best of lullabies… Or it would have been were it still beating-/j

SJDJDJ-

Honestly, when I got that ending I was like nOOOOO STARLING- WHAT HAPPENED??? I still don’t think I quite get how it happened.

Also hmMMMMmmmm let’s not talk about how my first thought when he opened himself up that one time and reacts when we touch (I chose to give in to my impulses) was to be like, “What if I… licked…? Insi-“

LOLLL-

Listen one reason I liked Beastars was because of the theming around the inherent connection between… eating (canniba-//shot) and intimacy- Like… yeah… Two carnal needs/instincts… ANYWAYS-

I love how the game turned out! You guys did great! So a belated congratulations for finishing the development and releasing it!!! 🎉✨

And of course amazing artwork as always, Meru~

Will draw something in celebration of it later when I have time. And just because I wish to draw the funny tongue-fish man. 🫶💫

Will probably also yap about this more later.

Another amazing ask I'm sure @celerifleuri will love as well

This is such a good analyses honestly, and yes you are right, Starling is quite childish. It's not that he has the mind or mental capacity of a child but it's in a bit of a "pure" state if you will. It really makes me want to talk about his backstory but that's why we are making bonus episodes.

Maelyn as a character definitely effects our perception of the events as well. Honestly if that happened to my fingers I'd pass out right then and there.

It's so funny how you mind aligned with Maelyn's, I'm sure she would love to try licking his insides (he did kiss his heart)

I'm glad you liked the art!!! And for the drawing, I can't wait to see what you'll come up with :D Good luck with all his tongues

[mikolovesracing]

electric touch

//:: or in this case, lando norris is sick of the small touches from oscar piastri that leave him dying for more, and in the same sense, oscar knows it:://

🖤🧡requests open🧡🖤

(no smut. i dont write that shit:) but it is incredibly fluffy)

they sat side by side at the interview, a mere six inches away from each other and chatting to the media lady who was nice enough but pressy and internally frustrating lando. it had already been a long day and he was ready to clock in especially after a spectacular quali which gave him a p2 position behind oscar who had a phenomenal quali. lando had tuned out and was letting his brain get rapidly excited for tomorrow’s race until he felt a shocking tap on his forearm. he snapped out if it and turned to oscar who was chuckling.

“oh i just shocked lando, like literally just shocked lando.” he laughed into the microphone, the lady was looking a bit more expectantly at lando however and seemed slightly annoyed.

“lando how does it feel to qualify behind your teammate?” she repeated, lando wasn’t sure how to respond over the fact that his heart was racing and he could barely hear his own thoughts. he thought on it for a moment, barely, before clearing his throat.

“i’m incredibly proud of him, oscar is a fantastic racer and i think this has been a long time coming for him, i think he has every tool he needs to pull off a win tomorrow, unless i do it myself but, you know watching your best mate win his first race is a win for yourself as well, and honestly for the team.”

“well let’s hope to see at least one of you come out on top then, lando, oscar, best of luck.”

the boys both politely said thank you and stood up. lando waited for oscar to get a few feet ahead before walking after him. he kept looking down at the freckle on his forearm that oscar shocked, feeling a chill down his spine when he touched it, like the elctricity was still on his body somehow and tingling under his skin as if trying to escape. the anxiety in his chest constantly reminded him that he probably turned bright red when oscar poked hin and that it was totally caught on tape in that interview.

“earth to lando, are you okay?” oscar had turned around and grabbed lando by the shoulders to stop him before he ran into the aussie. cue the flush in his face and that feeling of electricity running through his veins again. lando wasn’t entirely sure what face he was making, whether he looked annoyed or completely smitten and forced up a smile.

“yeah fine, just a lot on my mind you know?” he said through partially gritted teeth. oscar removed one hand and let the other linger on lando’s shoulder, flicking his thumb across it. he knew what he was doing. it’s not like he was an idiot, or that their mutual friends were horrid at keeping secrets, but he knew about lando’s crush. at that point, everyone on the grid knew about lando’s crush and oscar’s unspoken reciprocation.

“he’s in love with you, piastri, if you don’t see that, i reckon you might be stupid. and mean. definitely mean.” daniel ricciardo had said to him not but an hour ago in his trailer. oscar had known for at least two months and in that time had done the most he could to irk and tease lando. especially with little touches. it. drove. lando. mad.

“no! danny! don’t mistake me for a muppet! it’s not like lando is inconspicuous about it, have you seen him even slightly near me lately? i just don’t know how to go about letting him know that i feel the same? he’s anxious about it and i feel horribly but also i don’t want to tell him that everyone has told me. i just wanna do it when the timing is right?” oscar had replied, feeling slightly justified in his stupid little game that was making lando all flustered.

“you’re a menace to society. and i promise you if you hurt him, millions of teenage girls are going to rip you limb from limb.”

“i know! again, i may be young, but i am not dumb,” lando had said so himself, “it’s just fun to see him when i bother him, i dunno, it’s like a fucked up little game where i see just how far to maddness i can drive him before he gives in and kisses me or something.”

that’s what he was doing. pushing lando’s buttons like that was his full time job. and that was his intention on bumping the older driver any chance he could, tapping him on the shoulder and mentally picturing the feeling of wrapping his arms around him and holding him close. in this moment though, he thought he was close to actually breaking lando, his green eyes were wide and his body was tense against oscar’s hand, not to mention that his cheeks were ferrari red and the rest of his face draining of color from the blood rush. oscar smirked.

“well come on then, we should consider going back to the hotel soon yeah?” oscar offered, waiting for lando’s reaction. the latter finally stuttered out a response that he wasn’t sure was the right answer or not.

“uh, yeah, yeah! uh, let me just get my backpack from the trailer and we can leave.”

oscar pat him on the shoulder, turned around and kept walking through the paddock to the mclaren area, waiting outside for lando to go in and grab his things. he was being cheeky on purpose and he was gonna get the outcome he had been ever so patiently waiting for.

———

lando was anxiously sitting in the chaise at the end of the bed, legs crossed under a blanket and chewing on the string of his hoodie. oscar was laying on the bed behind him on his stomach holding up his head with a pillow, purposefully so that he was level with lando. logan had recommended some weird stop motion movie to them a few days ago and they had finally gotten around to watching it. lando was acutely aware of the proximity between him and oscar and was trying not to let his anxiety get the best of him. oscar was reveling in it.

“you okay? you’ve seemed off today.” oscar mentioned, flopping himself over, hanging his head off the bed. lando looked down at him and laughed.

“fine, yes why? you’ve asked me no less than twenty times today. just because i qualified behind you doesn’t mean i’m upset, i’m very happy for you actually!” lando did his best to mask his emotions and play it off as something that wasn’t necessarily untrue. oscar was beginning to lose patience, he climbed down onto the chaise next to lando, crossing his legs so that their knees were touching and watching lando tense up again.

“i just have a feeling you aren’t telling me everything, you would tell me if something was bothering you right?”

“yes oscar, i would,” lando thought he was starting to catch on and utilised some new found some confidence, “why do you keep touching me?” it was his turn to smirk and oscar’s turn to blush.

“what are you talking about?” play it cool, oscar.

“you keep touching me, you have been for the last week at least. i was just wondering if you were clumsy or,” lando paused, confidence gone.

“or?” oscar dragged his pinky finger along lando’s knee.

“or if you like me or something.” lando’s voice had shrunk and he felt like collapsing in on himself. oscar moved his hand fully on top of lando’s leg and leaned closer.

“you’re thick headed you are, lando. i’ve been waiting to see how long it’d take you to catch on, so, i had my fun.”

“what?”

“lando. have you figured it out yet?”

“n-no?”

“do you want me to spell it out for you?”

“kinda!”

oscar cupped lando’s face and gently pulled it towards his own, connecting their lips. lando froze, his stomach filled with butterflies and the electric feeling coursing through his entire body. the elation and adrenaline was setting in, simultaneously oscar was worried he’d broken lando and began to pull away, only to be pulled in deeper by lando who threw his arms around oscar and pressed his body against the aussie. oscar tangled his fingers in lando’s hair, his other hand moving to lando’s waist. lando felt his anxiety melt away as his sole focus became the way oscar’s hands felt on his hip and in his hair, and how perfectly his lips moved against his, and the low breaths that left the younger’s breath. they weren’t sure how long they had been kissing before pulling away for a breath of air. lando leaned into oscar and clung to his side, something he had dreamed of doing for nearly two years.

“so,” lando cleared his throat, looking up at oscar who had snapped his head down in lando’s direction, a flop of hair hanging down in front of his eye, “i take it you feel the same way as i do?” oscar couldn’t hold back the smile that tugged the the corners of his mouth, he tugged lando onto his lap and kissing him again, pulling away and pressing his forehead against the latter’s.

“you don’t read social cues very well do you?”

“nope.”

“yes! i like you lando!”

“oh well that’s a relief.”

“and you really thought you could tell everyone on the grid and it wouldn’t get back to me?”

“who snitched?! was it danny? actually it was probably charles come to think of it.”

“mate. it was damn near everyone.”

“oh.”

“but yes, mostly danny.”

———

ACTIVELY TAKING REQUESTS

[ask-rain-world-characters]

To all scugs, tea or coffee??

And depending on which you pick, do you have a favourite type, be it hot or cold, or different flavours?

Survivor's Answer:

Monk's Answer:

Hunter's Answer:

Watcher's Answer:

Gourmand's Answer:

Artificer:

Rivulet's Answer:

Spearmaster's Answer:

Saint's Answer:

Enot's Answer:

Transcripts below:

Survivor: “Depends on my mood, honestly, but I do love me some espresso. Earl tea is fine, but it's little too... uhh... exquisite for me. It's nice on occasion, though!”

Monk: "Tea... *Monk takes a slow, thoughtful sip from a steaming cup of tea, eyes soft with contentment. Tea feels like a friend—quiet, steady, always there to remind you to breathe. Coffee might give you strength in the moment, but tea... it gives you peace. That’s what I need most. And it does taste quite delicious"

Hunter: - “Tea? Coffee? I don’t think I’ve tried them before… I think my friend Saint has some. Saint, May I have some tea?” - “Alright but it is quite bitter.” - “Nonsense! I, the great Hunter, am accustomed to many tastes! Good and bad.” *sips a drink *coughs uncontrollably “Mmmm! It’s so good! I like it’s- cough! Ugh… everything!” - “I told you.” - “Oh god! It has the charm of a not so venomous spider!” *continues to cough "...now that I've tried tea, which is, uhm... really good, I-I think I'll try coffee next. I have some right here! Alright... three, two..." *sips a drink *coughs uncontrollably yet again "Mmmm! Delicious! It's like... argh... if I - if I kiss the a... a really nice Red Lizard, on the aaa-" *coughing intensifies

Watcher: " Although I drink more tea, I enjoy both tea and coffee equally. For coffee I mostly like Cappuccino... though it's more like cacao than actual coffee. But for tea I enjoy all kinds of it, especially the holiday focused ones. I also like to drink teas made by Gourmand.... although it worries me what he's gonna add next... ."

Gourmand: I have quite a deep admiration for both! There are lots of options for the flavoring of these drinks, and there's even more, when it comes to types! Yet, we are often missing a lot, so we have to make do, with what we get. Despite that, I still appreciate them very much. I mainly use them to accentuate the calm and peaceful moments - for which, tea is better, so that would be my personal pick. Especially since its flavor is much closer to the things I'm used to. I've seen others take some coffee before a hunting or gathering tour, but I'd prefer to just sleep more.

Artificer: "I much prefer coffee, the taste of tea disgusts me to no end. Plus the bitterness that comes with coffee is a nice palette changer from eating meat all the time."

Rivulet: "Coffee all the way baby, taste is like no other! People say it wakes you up but weirdly enough it makes me drowsier... How odd, I typically have it hot, and I don't really get espressos, which do kind of wake me up from it's strong taste. Maybe I should have more of them, could help me get an energy boost."

Spearmaster: "More of a tea guy personally, and I don't have a preference on whether or not it's hot or cold. What I will say is I really like the particularly fruity and citrusy flavors, herbal ones are pretty nice however and help in calming me down."

Saint: "I'm partial to hot tea myself. I find the combination of the subtle flavor and the temperature to be rather soothing."

Enot: "Oh neither, I don't like hot drinks and the only cold drink I need is...hold on" *audible button click 'Kevin MacLeod - Carefree' but slowed down by 52% starts playing "Try some Five Pebbsi! The number one way to supply your body with nutrients it really needs in the fastest time, especially if you're a GAMER like myself and don't touch grass! Well I mean you cant blame me, the grass is lethal here! 100% vegan friendly and full of all new fantastic flavors like Train Lizard, Cheese and I don't even know what this one is called but this label is yellow which means its probably good, I mean just look how many are in my mini fridge!" *audible fridge opening noises "And if you use the code 'GOODNIGHT GAMER' in the next week, you can get 20% off your next purchase, so try some Five Pebbsi, your body will be kissing you for your good deeds in no time!"

[thewhisperofzagreus]

Zagreus Sabazius

Important reminder. Everything I write about here is only indirectly connected by distant assumptions and rare crossings and absolutely should not be considered the immutable truth. As someone whose patron is Zagreus, I write about my findings and assumptions, but I am also totally possibly to be mistaken and see what I want to see myself. Take everything with a grain of salt.

We have already once looked at the Greek sources with the story of Zagreus. But beyond the rare surviving Greek sources, we will always have something else. Why is Zagreus sometimes mentioned with the epithet “Sabazius”? What does this epithet mean? What are Zagreus' powers? And why, after all, is he and Gaia called “highest of the all gods” in the Alcmeonis?

Welcome to my deep dive on one of the most mysterious theoi — Zagreus Sabazius.

So, later Greek writers, like Strabo in the first century CE, linked Sabazios with Zagreus. But who is Sabazios and what does it mean?

Sabazius comes from a common root with Sanskrit sabhâdj, honored, and with Greek σέβειν, to honor. It's also may be connected with the Indo-European *swo-, meaning "[his] own," and with the idea of freedom.

Sabazios is a deity originating in Asia Minor. He is the chief sky god of the Phrygians and Thracians. Sabazios gained prominence across the Roman Empire, particularly favored in the Central Balkans due to Thracian influence. On some monuments Sabazius is called “master of the cosmos”.

Decree of the organisation of worshippers of Sabazius, 102 BC

It seems likely that the migrating Phrygians brought Sabazios with them when they settled in Anatolia in the early first millennium BCE, and that the god's origins are to be looked for in Macedonia and Thrace. The ancient sanctuary of Perperikon in modern-day Bulgaria, uncovered in 2000, is believed to be that of Sabazios.

Two altars in the sanctuary were used for blood sacrifice.

And as Euripides has already graciously told us, Zagreus was honored as a god of blood, among other things. Sabazius, as a deity, was often associated with sky, thunder, nature, boons, mystery, and blood. One of its most frequent symbols was serpent.

Sabazius' references sometimes included Cybele. She is an Anatolian mother goddess. She is Phrygia's only known goddess, and was probably its national deity. Greek colonists in Asia Minor adopted and adapted her Phrygian cult and spread it to mainland Greece and to the more distant western Greek colonies around the 6th century BC.

In Greece, Cybele met with a mixed reception. She became partially assimilated to aspects of the Earth-goddess Gaia, of her possibly Minoan equivalent Rhea, and of the harvest–mother goddess Demeter.

And now everything suddenly made sense. Why are Gaia and Zagreus named the highest of all the gods in Alcmeonis? Because they always have been.

In her transition to Greece, Cybele, Phrygia's only known goddess, was named Gaia (which honestly makes much more sense to me than associating her with Rhea or Demeter). And Zagreus? And Zagreus remained Zagreus.

Gaia Cybele and Zagreus Sabazius, Mother Earth and Sky King, the highest gods of the Phrygians and Thracians, who later also made their way to Greece.

But unfortunately, no individual direct myths about King Sabazius have survived either.

But there was also one thing that persisted and always baffled me.

In my personal experience with Zagreus, his signature weapon has always been moonblades to me. And I always wondered why. What does Zagreus have to do with the moon? Why is it always an integral part of his power and history in my experience?

Well, now I know the answer.

At one point Sabazius merged with the Asia Minor and Syrian moon deity, Mēn. Mēn was a lunar god worshipped in the western interior parts of Anatolia. He is attested in various localized variants, such as Mēn Askaenos in Antioch in Pisidia, or Mēn Pharnakou at Ameria in Pontus.

Bust of Mēn in Museum of Anatolian Civilizations

In the Kingdom of Pontus, there was a temple estate dedicated to Mēn Pharnakou and Selene at Ameria, near Cabira (Strabo 12.3.31). The temple was probably established by Pharnakes I in the 2nd century BC, apparently in an attempt to counterbalance the influence of the Moon goddess Ma of Comana. The cult of Mēn Pharnakou in Pontus has been traced to the appearance of the star and crescent motif on Pontic coins at the time.

A similar temple estate dedicated to Mēn Askaenos existed in Pisidia, first centered around Anabura and then shifted to the nearby city of Pisidian Antioch after its founding by the Seleucids around 280 BC. The temple estate/sacred sanctuary (ἱερόs) was a theocratic monarchy ruled by the "Priest of Priests," a hereditary title. According to Strabo, this "temple state" that the cult of Mên Askaenos controlled near Pisidian Antioch, persisted until the city was refounded by the Romans in 25 BC, becoming Colonia Caesarea Augusta.

The Augustan History has the Roman emperor Caracalla (r. 198–217) venerate Lunus at Carrhae; this, i.e. a masculine variant of Luna, "Moon", has been taken as a Latinized name for Mēn.

Even though no specific myths have survived about any aspect of Zagreus, it gives us a wealth of information about what Zagreus was and is and the diverse number of domains he holds.

Yes, Zagreus. Zagreus, god of mysteries, blood, flesh, sky, thunder, nature and moon. Zagreus Sabazius, Zagreus Mēn, Zagreus the Winged Serpent Hunter, Zagreus the Scarlet Thunderer, Zagreus the Serpent King. Zagreus Prince of Chthonia, Zagreus King of Sky, Zagreus Highest of All the Gods, Zagreus Master of the Cosmos.

                                         Ζαγρεύς Σαβάζιος

[pokeblader3]

Honestly I want any anti-Huntlow person at this point who says the couple has no appeal or thematic value and is just a generic hetero ship with the attractive male love interest to look my disabled ass squarely in the eye (looking down, with your ability to stand.) and tell me that people who look like Hunter are considered "conventionally attractive", and that I've not gone to disability and autism support groups filled with people with face/body scarring and disfigurings that severe (often tied to disabilities),

and conditions that will never get better that had literally no friends outside the support groups because y'all treated them like freaks for having a misformed lip or not having full upright-ness of their body (I have a feeling Hunter's eye bags might never go away, like I feel the 24-hour eye bags I have had in real life for several years might never go away),

and that the choice to portray a love story between a disfigured, fundamentally different person in love with a healthy plus sized Asian girl who was bullied and given severe mental issues and now finds strength in his reassurance and literal help as one of the people who helps stabilize her so she can be a badass.... is conventional and what cishet white audiences want lmao.

We have 3 bisexual female characters, the two leads are given female and nonbinary love interests with more screentime, and the m/f bisexual couple is late-series and with a gender dynamic of a strong woman who fights to protect her friends and domestic-violence survivor partner, who now is being characterized primarily by his desire to be soft and domestic (sewing? gardening? wanting to just be seen as a human?) isn't still groundbreaking? There literally is no way it could be more fair and appealing of a concept to you.

Like. I'm starting to think maybe some of y'all have bad reasons for being vocally against the ship which is full of people who just want to be positive and left to themselves (and have much of the crew on their side as fans). Maybe if a ship like this is being put in your gay show, it's just as groundbreaking for different reasons you don't see.

Some of us cripples (including us queers) have partners who Hunter and Willow remind us of (especially with the amount of transgender grimwalker Hunter interpretations I've seen or fan concepts where Willow eventually starts using her plant magic to help stabilize Hunter's body in older age from Grimwalker decay as a partial root being), mostly people just like you, just more open-minded and willing to see us (and literally hear us, if you've seen none of this, somehow, yet) as people.

And I don't just speak for myself, I have a plus sized South Asian bisexual girl friend who says Hunter and Willow's gender dynamic was one of the few times she ever saw herself in television and loves it equally as me.

[fernlessbastard]

Opinions on transfem/Trans woman c!Wilbur? If you havent already, since its a slightly popular Hc w c!W

honestly I'm mostly indifferent ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

it's not for me, but like I've got no particularly strong feelings either way. I can absolutely see a lot of reasons for that reading - it all does fit, so it's not a matter of there being no justification, but more so just personally I just don't hold that headcanon

the thing with either of them being trans is that like, I am for some reason oddly attached to Quackity being specifically and strictly a man who's into men, or at the very least masc individuals - maybe it's cause I just started off with that "hc" (I mean it is kinda pretty heavily canon - I don't recall him ever flirting with a woman). Wil being mtf would obviously make all of that very complicated - each time I start to think about it I can't help but think if 1. is there any way for Q to still be into Wil without that invalidating Wil's gender identity 2. is there any way for Q - a gay man - to have feelings for a woman that doesn't invalidate his sexual identity Like, exceptions happen, but mm idk It's obvioulsy completely different if you hc Q as pan/bi/homoflexible/whatever else, but yeah personally I'm just really attached to the idea of Q being strictly homosexual

When it comes to the nonbinary umbrella it's kinda similar (with both being amab) - with Wil it works i'd say, there isn't as much of a conflict with Quackity's sexuality, but again, I'm mostly indifferent and you do you; with Q it just kinda doesn't quite fit for me - idk he just has relatively binary man vibes imo

in regards to other combinations of one/both of them being trans: > Wil's ftm - yeah sure I'm down with that, good for him, I don't actively hc that but like yeah no conflict there, plus I guess it'd explain how he had Fundy - though fantasy mpreg makes it so much funnier > Q's mtf - idk personally i just don't feel it in the slightest. He doesn't really give me any of those vibes. Especially considering things like the fact that he's short, has longer hair, is/used to be a sex worker (with presumably male clients), is heavily (and at the very least primarily, if not exclusively) into men, canonically has a big ass, etc, so it just really doesn't sit right with me to then have him be mtf - I just want some more representation of those characteristics in men for once, y'know? It's just feels like it's perpetuating stereotypes. Of course there is no wrong way to be trans - if you're trans, you're trans, and that is valid and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. But we're talking about a fictional character, so if we have a character that's amab, likes men, is a sex worker, is short, has long hair, isn't trying to be this stereotypical "perfect big strong alpha male", is emotionally invested in their romantic life (which additionally is messy), then turning around and saying "woman" just feels like we're just going off stereotypes, and ignoring an example of a great, rare, pretty subversive representation of a man who might come off as feminine at times, but is still fully a man, and all those things that are stereotypically assigned to women and a fem gender identity don't make him any less of a man. Especially the fact that he's into men - it does personally just immediately remind me of all the "a gay man is just a woman" talk (and maybe it's cause I'm from Poland and in my 20s now so i really did grow up hearing those sentiments quite a lot). And obviously i'm not saying that that's what you're doing when you hc Q as mtf, but i am explaining my personal headcanons and reasonings for them, as well as reasoning for why I don't headcanon other things. > Q's ftm - ok so, it fits. And I really really hate that it fits. It would make so much sense but holy fuck guys I cannot handle that ok - I'm ftm, and if he's cis then I can like at least partially remove myself from all of that... but if he's ftm then holy fucking shit everything just hits so much harder like guys I'm not strong enough to handle the pain of seeing this much of myself in him ok I will simply collapse, like him being seen as an object and sexualised and put down and belittled and pressured to be all submissive and shit just hits so completely different if you see it through the lenses of him being ftm and let me fucking tell you I am NOT ready for the breakdown thinking about it and how similar and in some cases identical to my own experiences it all is would cause m > ANYWAY with them both being trans it's just a combination of my previous thoughts as they apply ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

hope that answers your question UwU anyway ha ha bye--/lh

[aihoshiino]

chapter 140 thoughts!

Reminder: because of the content of this arc in genera and this chapter in particular I will unavoidably have to discuss CSA and topics related to it, including grooming, emotional abuse and sexual assault. I do not discuss them in great detail, but if you very understandably just aren't in the headspace for that, no hard feelings - look after yourself and I'll see you next time.

So a lot of stuff goes on in this chapter but weirdly, I feel like I don't have a lot of stuff to say about it compared to the last few. Partially because it speaks so strongly for itself but mostly because, sort of similarly to 137, this is just clarification and reiteration of some themes and information that's been floating around loosely for however many chapters and we are just now actually pinning it all down into something more coherent.

Or at least, 15 Year Lie is pinning this all down into something more coherent. We're definitely playing a bit more with like, presentation and diegesis in these sections of the movie than we were with previous scenes. With the B-Komachi scenes, we very rarely fully entered the in-universe diegesis of the movie and the scenes being filmed quite firmly remain scenes being filmed by actors who are having their own thoughts, feelings and character arcs both about and separate from the material.

By contrast, both this and last chapter lean more into presenting these scenes as full flashbacks, fully immersing us in the material that the movie's diegesis essentially overtakes and becomes the manga's diegesis. It not only creates a sense of immediacy but also one of authenticity - by removing all the reminders that this is something being manufactured, a piece of in-universe dramatized fiction, the reader is invited to accept it uncritically as fact.

And honestly? I think this is a very clever trick. While I do think the broad emotional arc and relationship beats we're being presented with here are probably more or less true, there's a big question still hanging over the movie's presentation of things: how much of this is true and why is it being shown to us? This is a movie about Ai's life supposedly, right? So if this is the case, what's with this sudden POV switch to Kamiki… and how exactly did Aqua (and the rest of his 15YL collaborators in general) get this level of insight into 'Boy A'?

But I'm getting ahead of myself a bit…

Like I said up top, I think a lot of this chapter kind of speaks for itself, so all I'm gonna say is that this did a huge amount to really endear me to the HKAI dynamic, at least as 15YL is portraying things. It's just such a nice change to see Ai bouncing off someone her own age, squabbling and getting along and butting heads like a regular kid. It does a lot to really get across just what it was about this relationship that drew the two of them to each other. They have a good rapport and some cute chemistry and I'm finding myself rooting for them even in spite of knowing how it all ends.

The scene of them at the restaurant was honestly just a complete and total delight. It's been so fucking long since we got any content of Ai just being her likable goobery self so getting to see that again (and her and Hikaru's shocked and appalled reactions to the bill) was just so good.

The short exchange that follows is also so, so important, I think. Similarly to an early AQKN moment, we are shown Ai from Hikaru's POV - in which she wears a lovely smile and stands framed as the focal point of not one but two panels of brilliant light. This feels like a sort of answer to something I noted last chapter where HKAI's relationship seemed to be in the process of echoing both the AQAK and AQKN relationships - in Hikaru, Ai sees someone who has the potential to understand her. In Ai, Hikaru sees light. I'm interested to see if this will keep getting reiterated on as we get more scenes of them together.

god the more details we get about Airi's abuse of Hikaru, the more vile she becomes. The money she gives him rings eerily true to the way real life abusers of this nature really do use money and material gifts as a method of control over their victims. And it's also not hard for me to see her as using this to frame things as somehow transactional - to pretend Hikaru has any power in this entirely unbalanced dynamic.

I continue to be impressed with how OnK is portraying Kamiki's abuse. As I mentioned last time, I often find that manga is pretty tasteless and sometimes even downright exploitative and offensive in its portrayals of sexual abuse, framing it in a titillating way for the viewer to gawk at. By contrast, not only is OnK's portrayal a layer removed from the actual events, being in-universe fiction, but it gives us no lurid details to gawk it. We are forced to look only at Hikaru's pain and the emotional reality of the horror and exploitation he's experiencing and the story dares us to flinch and look away. Just like plenty of people do.

I also really appreciate that the story leaves absolutely no room for plausible deniability and just outright calls Airi exactly what she is: a pedophile. I was a little worried with last chapter that there was going to be an element of like 'oh Hikaru is just so cute even an adult woman can't help herself' but once again, the story pulls no punches in calling this abuse what it is and the perpetrator what she is. Harrowing as the material is, I'm glad that it's being handled well thus far and I hope Akasaka doesn't flub it.

that said i have to ask. where in god's name is the intimacy coordinator on this set.

The scene that follows is also very interesting for all the reasons I mentioned above. For Oshi no Ko as a manga, it's clear this material is here to challenge the reader and ask us to see Kamiki as human, to try and empathize with him despite his reprehensible actions. What purpose this monologue serves for the in-universe 15 Year Lie movie is less clear. But in both circumstances, I still have to ask: to what end, exactly?

After all, isn't this a movie overflowing with spite and hate? A script written for Aqua's revenge that will allow him to kill his father? If so, why are we being challenged to empathize with Kamiki? Why did Aqua write a script that portrays his father as a victim? And how, exactly, did he come to such a deep and nuanced understanding of this man he hates so much when it took Ruby three and a half mental breakdowns to start understanding her beloved mother?

This all raises a whole lot of questions about exactly what the final movie is going to turn out like and exactly what purposes it really serves and I'm tentatively excited to get some answers. I'm definitely still more than a little fatigued with the movie arc as a whole and a lot of my biggest issues with it have yet to really be resolved but I'm at least more interested than I have been before about where things are going to go.

Holy crap, no break next week… are we beating the biweekly allegations, gang???

[succubish666]

Why I’m Excited to go (Back) to Hell

To most people, Hell seems like the last place you’d want to end up. Unfortunately, most people are misinformed on what Hell is really like. I believe it’s been mixed up with the fiery pits of Tartarus, where lower vibrational entities like egregores reside. As for what Hell is really like, I recommend this playlist:

by Madame Fortune on TikTok called Geography of Hell. It’s kind of long, but it goes into great detail about what Hell looks like. There are multiple biomes and cities, in this regard it is not too different from Earth. I find her descriptions accurate to what I’ve seen in meditations.

Hell is on the astral plane and isn’t somewhere you can reach physically. I believe that spirits like the infernals have forms on this plane for their enjoyment. Because Hell is on the astral, it’s not limited by resources like time or physical objects. Therefore, the economy of Hell is different than the ones on earth. Those who reside there don’t have physical needs like food or water, though many will eat or drink for the sake of enjoyment. In Hell one is allowed and even encouraged to “sin” or partake in their desires. There is currency, but it’s used to buy wants because everyone’s needs are already met. Hell has a monarchy, with Lord Lucifer at the top as emperor. He rules gently and with the respect of his denizens.

I believe during my past life in Hell at some point I resided in an apartment in the city of Pandemonium. I’ve always found a city view at night from a high window oddly nostalgic. I think different parts of Hell have different skies, and Pandemonium is always at night. This may be partially why I’ve never like daylight and have always found it too harsh. To me, Pandemonium is like Las Vegas on steroids. I believe that this is why the one time I went to Las Vegas when I was 15, I absolutely loved the city and in a strange way it reminded me of home. I couldn’t gamble or anything yet, but the way there were displays that appealed to the senses captivated me. I found myself wanting to explore every hotel on The Strip.

I believe I will return to Hell after I die as my afterlife. I think everyone goes to an afterlife based on the beliefs they held while alive. As for athiests or agnostics, maybe they choose an afterlife? I think if you have someone you want to visit who’s in another afterlife it’s possible, but a bit of a hassle. It’s like traveling and having to go through customs. It does honestly make me a little sad sometimes to think about how I won’t get to be with the people I knew on Earth after I die, but knowing I’ll always be around Lucifer’s loving presence feels right to me. When someone tells me to “Go to Hell” I just think “That’s the plan”.

[teaboot]

Community-building Tag Game

Tagged by: @anchored-trident

Name: Internet safety 101, kids. Keep 'em guessing. ('Tea' is fine.)

Pronouns: he/him

Where do you call home? Northwest Canada! Nice and grey.

Favorite animal: Honestly I love pretty much all of them but if I had to, like. Cohabitate with one? Cats. God's favourite bastards. Also partial to polyphemus moths, the common brown bat, june beetles, golden moles, the silky tree anteater, poison dart frogs, hawks, chimney swifts, and nautuluses, too.

Cereal of choice: I am. Not a cereal person. Fruit loops?

Are you a visual, auditory, or kinesthetic learner? Visual. 100%. Everything I do and use is organized by color. I will remember your birthmarks and tattoos and piercings and scars long before I remember your name or anything else about you. I forgot my own name once. It's bad

First pet: A big black cat.

Favorite scent: Oh, this is hard. I have a coconut shampoo that reminds me of my mom, and a white musk and oud perfume that makes me think of Cairo, and a plum/vanilla/white musk lotion that smells like the last week of school before summer vacation. A bottle of my dad's cologne he let me keep for my 16th birthday. Frankincense. Lilacs. Sunscreen. Cedarwood. Pine chips. Pumpkin. Clean laundry. I dont think I can pick just one.

Do you believe in astrology?  Not even a little bit. Sure is fun, tho!

How many playlists do you have on Spotify/Apple Music? Playlists in general? Too many. Couple dozen, probably. One for every occasion.

Sharpies or highlighters? Sharpies. Though I use highlighters more.

A song that makes you cry: Right now? "Dear Fellow Traveller" by Sea Wolf. Also "Cain" by Cousin Marnie.

A song that makes you happy: "Art Hoe" by Call Me Karizma, "Cannibal" by Naethan Apollo, "Wanted To" by Infected Mushroom, and "Daywalker!" By Machine Gun Kelly X CORPSE.

And finally, do you write/draw/create? if so, use this as an opportunity to shamelessly (😉) promote yourself!

I love to draw and oaint and sculpt and sew, but spend a lot of time at work and have some issues with hypersomnia so it doesn't happen as much as I'd like. Wish I could promote myself better because I miss creating but... I don't know. Maybe I'll make something in the morning.

@anchored-trident thanks for the nom'! ♡ This one was fun :)

Nominations (either because we're mutuals or I find you interesting): @melancholysage @naamahdarling @sternenhimmel-mondnhimmel-mond @mist-the-wannabe-linguist @smlmsworld @mangotarot @genderfuckedpigeon @twofaced-gemini-withnobrush

[seenoversundown]

For Death Or Glory : Chapter Three

Jake x Charlotte (Fem OC)

Warnings: Anxious Themes, Drinking/Alcohol (Caravel Tavern is a bar after all), Cursing, Brief mentions of fighting (including a SMALL mention of blood) Lots of frustrated/angry tones, poorly timed jokes, and last but certainly not least- a wave of yearning.

Word Count: 3.3k

Summary: After getting the news that he didn't do everything he was meant to, Jake spends a stressful day at the bar. Trying to get everything taken care of, but it is just one of those days.

Author's Note: Happy Thursday! I honestly love this chapter so much. I've 110% had days like this and it just felt like it needed to happen. hehe okay happy reading xoxo

I'm Going Slight Mad - Queen "One wave short of a shipwreck, I'm not my usual top billing."

It started like any other day until it wasn’t. 

Caravel Crew:

Jake: hey i know you guys have today off but do you mind stopping by for a few minutes?

Daniel: We definitely can

Melody: Might have a little surprise to bring you

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Setting my phone down, I start looking over the paperwork that Charlotte left for me. Now, I’m realizing why I never filled it out. I don’t know what half of this means. When I decided to buy the bar, I had no business background. I never went to college. I just immediately started working after high school. I don’t know where the desire to own a bar came from, and I don’t know if it was partially because it was this bar, but over time, it just sounded more and more like what I wanted to do. I guess I just never thought about this side of it. 

I find myself reading the same sentences over and over. It’s becoming increasingly harder to focus on what I need to be doing. I just want to get this conversation over it.  I never have a hard time with “tough” conversations, but to be fair, all the bartenders that I’ve let go over the last 10 months have deserved it. Or they quit on their own. Melody didn’t do anything wrong, and this is entirely my fault.

“Knock, knock, hellooo” Melody’s voice quietly rings through the office. I turn seeing her and Dan stood there before I see Iris’ sweet face light up. She looks up at her mom, who’s quickly signing, ‘you can go see him’. 

“Hi, sweet girl,” I whisper out of habit. She scurries over, I pull her into a bear hug before she climbs into my lap. 

“I’m sorry I made you guys stop in, but I figured it would be easier to just talk about this in person,” I tell them.

“No, it’s really okay,” Dan says, “We had some errands to do, and Miss Thing over there loves getting to see you and Josh, so she’s not going to complain.” Glancing down at her while she looks at my necklace intently. 

“Okay, so–” I start, “The redhead who was here basically reminded me that I need to make you an official employee.”

“Okay… why do you seem nervous, though?” she questions. 

“I need to get you certified with the state, it’s not a ‘requirement’ but it definitely looks better for us,” I know I probably sound and look defeated but at this point, who am I trying to fool?

“Did I get you into some shit?” her face falls a bit. Dan reached over to her for comfort. 

“No, it’s not your fault. I was too ready to hire another person, and obviously, I know you, so I didn’t even think about it.”

‘Sad?’ Iris says, looking up at me.

I can’t help the small smile that breaks seeing her, ‘No, I’m okay,’ I tell her. Subtly making eye contact with Melody to make sure i’m signing everything correctly, which she just nods. 

“So can I not work until then or..?” 

I let out a long sigh, “I’ll just have you work with one of us until everything is done.”

Dan leans in, kissing the side of her head, before looking over at me, “Do you need help getting everything figured out?” 

“No, it shouldn’t take me too long. I just need to sit down and actually do it.”

It’s practically clockwork the way Josh appears in the doorway. “Hope I’m not interrupting anything,” he starts. But the- IS THAT MY BABYGIRL?” His voice rises as he drops into a squat. She runs into Josh’s arms, giggling the entire way. They really are a cute little pair, I think to myself. He spends a minute chatting with her before sending her back over to Dan. 

“OH- the shipment is here, by the way.”

Fucking Christ, of course it comes today. 

“I’ll be right there,” I shoot him a tight-lipped smile. 

I look back to Melody, as I’m standing up from my desk, “I will figure this out and you will still be paid for whatever days you work even before the paperwork is submitted, okay?” 

We end up talking for a few minutes before I actually make my way back into the bar. Rounding the corner, I see the next problem I have to tackle. Our entire shipment is just stacked up at the end of the hallway. 

“Josh, why didn’t you tell them to just put everything in the cooler?” I look over to him as he’s drying glasses and putting them away. He doesn’t react to my question, which is weird for someone who never stops talking. 

“Josh?” No response.

I walk towards him, which finally catches his eye, turning to me as he pulls out one of his headphones. 

“There you are, I’ve been wa-” he starts, but I can’t stop myself from cutting in. 

“Are you joking?” I snap, coming off harsher than I would like. 

“What do you mean?” 

I rub my eyes harder than I probably should before looking at him again, “Why didn’t you tell them to put the cases of beer in the cooler?”

“What do you mean..” he turns, seeing the shipment sitting at the end of the bar, “Oh.. oh my god.. I didn’t think they would start bringing it in until you signed for it.”

I inhale slowly, staring at him and doing my best not to lose it. It’s fine; everything will be fine. Just sign for the shipment and start moving everything. Maybe Dan won’t mind helping for a few minutes. 

“It’s fine,” I grab his arm gently. 'I’m sorry. It’s not a big deal.” I turn away from him, head outside, and sign for everything. Nothing more than a ‘thanks so much, have a good one’, and then I’m back inside, ready for whatever else is going to go wrong today. If I only knew. 

Thankful that Dan is at the bar talking to Josh, I quickly walk over to him, 

“Where’d the girls go?”

“Mel took Iris to the car. The little lady was getting antsy,”

“Do you mind helping me get these out of the way?” He glances over, his eyes going wide, before nodding. 

The two of us have spent a lot of time working together, given the shipyard and all. I think we would both agree that having someone there that we knew made the experience a bit better. It’s not the most exhilarating job you could have, but it pays well and has benefits. Which, when you’re in your early twenties, is about all you can ask for. 

We both round the corner into the cooler and set everything down, just on the floor so we can organize it at some point today. Just another thing I’ll need to take care of now. 

“Do you need me to work tonight?” he asks quietly. 

“What? No, I already feel bad making the two of you stop by. Enjoy your day off.” I probably could use the help today but, none of this is his fault, so I’m not going to make him come in. 

“Are you sure? I don’t mind, really.” 

“I’m positive. I appreciate you just helping me move these, so I didn’t have to ask Josh,” we both laugh at the thought of Josh lugging cases of beer around.  ⎯⎯���⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

I don’t know how long I’ve been in this cooler, but I’m nearing the end of organizing and taking inventory of what we have. We probably should have done this sooner because we definitely could have used a few more things. Setting my notebook down, trying to move things around, I hear a faint, ‘Hey Jake,’ coming through the wall. I finish shifting some of the beers around to make more sense before grabbing my notebook and making my way back out to the bar. 

I only make it a few steps down the hall before I hear chatter coming from the bar. That’s weird? Sliding my phone out of my pocket, it is Tuesday, right? Why is it so loud out there? Picking up my pace, I toss the notebook onto my desk in passing. Rounding the corner behind the bar, I saw a slew of faces at the bar, and most of the tables were filled. 

“Uh, what the fuck is going on?” I lean into Josh so nobody can hear me. 

“I have been trying to figure that out this whole time,” he whispers back, “Did you not hear me call for you?” 

“No, I did, I just didn’t think it was for this.” 

He looks at me, clearly scattered, “I have the bar handled,” 

I just nod, hustling out to the tables one by one, taking orders. I spend most of my time behind the bar; usually Josh is the one running to tables and charming everyone who comes in. 

I run drinks to each table, making sure everybody is good for a few. After what feels like the thousandth time walking behind the bar, I cave.

Jake: hey bud, is there any chance you can come help? We’re swamped and it’s just josh and i. Please I’ll pay you for real 

Sam: I guess I can. Bird and Quinn wanna watch some shitty tv show anyway

Jake: youre the best 

“Sam’s on his way,” I whisper to Josh as he’s pouring a fresh beer for someone. 

He breathes out, “Thank God,” sliding the fresh beer across the bar. I don’t know where all of them are coming from.” The door chime rings quietly amongst the bar chatter, and the music flows from the jukebox as more people happily saunter through. 

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Once Sam came in, things got a bit easier, and I only had to run drinks to people rather than bussing the tables as I was taking orders. Josh continued tending the bar. It’s absurd for a Tuesday to be this busy. Nobody has a clear answer on why they all ended up here tonight, either. I’ll take busy over a typical boring Tuesday night around here– 

“Ooooooooo,” every patron of the bar collectively says in a chorus of ooo’s and ahhh’s. Looking over to Sam, who may as well have his tail between his legs, standing in front of a pile of broken glasses. Fuck. 

I hustle over to him, “What happened?” 

“I was just trying to save a trip, so I had a shit load of glasses, and then well.. I sorta tripped myself.” 

I let out a long breath, trying not to laugh at how nervous he seems, “You and Willa really are a match made in heaven, huh?” I sneak past him and the broken glass, “Stay here. I’ll grab a broom.” 

Stopping in my office quickly, order some more glasses, I scribble into my notebook. 

“Here, I’ll do it,” he reaches out, taking the broom and dustpan from me. His eyebrows are still pulled together as he sets the dustpan on the chair next to him. 

I grab his arm gently, “I’m not mad at you, Sam.” I squeeze his arm a few times before he squats down to clean up the mess, and I go back to running around like a headless chicken.  

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It takes us a bit to get into a good flow, but between the three of us, we’ve managed. I don’t think the bar has ever been this busy during the week. Josh and I have switched so he can get out and talk to more people, which he’s definitely more comfortable doing. I found myself back behind the bar, which I feel like I can handle a bit better because it’s fewer people to focus on. Sam doing everything he can to help us keep up between bussing tables, running drinks, and washing glasses. 

Tapping my phone screen, 11:45 pm glows back at me. Thank God we’re almost there. Even though I never finished the paperwork I should have, at least this night is so close to being over. I set the shaker in the sink, turning around quickly to grab a fresh napkin to put underneath the glass, when I hear ‘ope’ escape Josh loudly. Of course, not before I feel the chill of a fresh beer soaking through my pant leg. 

“Sick.” I mutter, trying not to make a big deal out of it. I grab the napkin and the drink sliding them over to the customer. Nothing like wet denim. 

“Jake, I’m sorry,” Josh cringes, looking over at me as he pours another beer from the tap.

I take a deep breath, fighting the urge to be angry, yet again. I grab a shot glass and whatever bottle of Whiskey my hand lands on. I poured it for myself quickly and threw it back. Grimacing at the burn it leaves in my throat. 

“Drinking on the-” Josh starts, and immediately stops when I whip my head over to him with a tight-lipped smile and my eyes wide, “Carry on!” he backs off slowly.  

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The night goes on, my beer-soaked jeans and all. People start filtering out around midnight, which is pretty typical. We get mild enjoyment from watching the drunk girls try to walk on the cobblestone just across the street from us, which at this rate, might be the best thing to happen to me today. The three of us have a laugh together as we watch someone have to catch their girlfriend mid-fall when we hear the worst possible sound at 12:35am.  

‘What the fuck did you just say to me?’ cuts through everyone’s chatter. 

Stopping me in my tracks. Why does that voice sound familiar? I start walking towards the sound to realize who it is. Shit, shit, shit. Why didn’t I take Dan up on working tonight? I look at Josh, mouthing, ‘You stay here.’

Another loud ‘You motherfucker’ caused more people to look. 

Weaving between people who naturally have stood up to see what’s going on. For fucks sake, this would happen. Letting out a quiet “excuse me, sorry” as I nudge my way through, I manage to make it to the problem just as another good contact punch was thrown. Fucking Craig.

“Are you fucking joking?” I ask louder than usual. He turns to face me, and I can tell he’s realized he was caught.

“Excuse me?” the bigger one spits out. 

“Why are you in my bar, Greg?” I laugh, watching blood slowly leak from his nose. 

“It’s Craig,”

“I don’t care, why are you here?”

“I mean I just-“

“You just what? You just came here to start shit in my bar? AGAIN?” My voice slowly rose; the pent-up anger from today started to seep out. 

I grab his shirt as I get closer to him, the blood from his nose creeping over his mouth. 

“I told you to stay out of here, and you disrespected me this time,” I ball up his shirt in my fist tighter, “now leave, you piece of shit.” Shoving him towards the door, he stumbles into a table. 

He makes his way to the door, turning back to me, “Yeah, well, fuck you and your brother!” hollering as he walks out into the night. 

“How will I ever recover?” I laugh to myself. 

I look over to the guy who punched Craig, where Sam is already stood in front of him. 

“Jeff, right?” 

Oh, Sammy boy I’ll let you have this one. 

“Uhh-“ 

“Yeah, I’m gonna have to ask you to leave..” Sam tells him, grabbing his arm and gesturing to the door. 

“Why do I have to leave? He started it?” 

The grimace on Sam's face at his rebuttal making me laugh before he spits out, “Yeaahhh… and you punched him so.. I think it’s obvious,” 

“So.. you like getting in bar fights AND ditching women on dates?” Sam asks. 

“What are you talking about?” 

“You’re a real stand-up guy, Jeff,” Sam says, the sarcasm alone should sober him up enough to drive. I watch as Sam opens the door and pushes him through, turning to me with a shit-eating grin on his face. 

“God, that felt good. I knew that dude was a prick,” he barks out a laugh. 

Spending a couple minutes mingling amongst the tables who were close to the action, making sure everybody is okay and apologizing for the unfortunate disturbance. Grateful that nobody was truly upset, and honestly, they kept applauding me for taking care of it. Maybe I’m actually okay at this? I hadn’t really needed to break up many fights here since we opened, because Dan usually gets people out before it starts. 

I walk up behind Josh, leaning close to him so only he can hear, “I doubt he’ll ever try to come back now.” 

His face turned towards me, “Did he actually get hit?”

“Oh, absolutely. His nose was probably broken.”

His smile grows, “He deserved that.”

“Yeah he did,” I laughed because nobody deserved it more than him. 

The rest of the night went smoothly. Everybody started filtering out, and we were down to just a handful by 1:45 am. Grateful they had all already paid, they were heading towards the door by the time good ole Bob began to play through the speakers. I don’t know if that’s offensive to Bob or if they can tell we want to go home.

 We only spent a few minutes cleaning up before I told Sam to go home. Promising him, I would send him money as soon as I finished up here and locked the front door behind him. 

“Let’s finish this tomorrow, Bub,” I tell him as I’m walking back over to the bar, “It’s been a long enough day.” 

I’ve never seen someone drop what they’re doing faster. Throwing the cleaning rag under the bar and grabbing his phone, I watch him hustle to the back door. It’s hard not to laugh at it, maybe it’s the exhaustion. Shutting all the lights off as I walk through and locking up the bar, we’re finally free. The paperwork will be a future me problem.  

“Tomorrow’s a new day,” Josh says quietly, squeezing my shoulder as we walk into the stairwell.

I take a deep breath, letting it out with a, “You’re right.” 

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

We quietly get into the apartment. Considering the night we both endured, we don’t really say much past ‘goodnight’. I fall back into my bed, just staring at the ceiling for a few minutes. First thing tomorrow, I’ll get those forms filled out. I just need to focus. Today was a mess, so maybe a fresh set of eyes will help. 

Tossing my jeans that smell horrendous at the pile of dirty laundry as I make myself more comfortable. Scrolling through my phone for a minute to try and decompress from the day, my stomach drops. 

‘People you may know..’  on Instagram will always haunt me, full of people I went to high school with that I no longer talk to. This time though feels like torture. 

‘Charlotte Rhodes’ sits there for a second before my curiosity gets the best of me. I tap on her name, revealing that her account is private. I should have known; she seemed fairly reserved, but I couldn’t resist clicking on her profile picture. 

Her loose red waves pass her shoulders, her freckles on display. This must be from summer, and she looks like she’s been in the sun. The way she is laughing; her smile is so big. The green of her eyes peeks through even if she’s squinting. Whoever took this photo is lucky to have her look at them like this.  

I linger on her photo for longer than I should admit, but lord have mercy, she is beautiful. ‘You really run a tight ship around here, huh?’ plays in my head. My heart feels weird thinking about it. I know I’m probably overthinking it, but in my head, that was her way of subtly flirting. Even if I promptly made a fool of myself after. The boys will never let that one go, either. My eyes start to feel heavy, and I toss my phone onto my nightstand. I lay there in the dark, closing my eyes and hoping to fall asleep soon. But my mind won’t ease up; all I can think of is her.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Chapter Two

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[mamuzzy]

MAMUZZY READS HARD CONTACT: Prologue

I said I would write about Prologue + Chapter 1 in one single post, but then I ended up actually having more topics to talk about in this chapter. :) It was quite a new information for me that Hard Contact (2004) came out earlier than the game itself (2005 which is also the year of the Revenge of the Sith) which means...

Hard Contact Prologue is actually the first entry of not just Darman but the Delta Squad too!

What you will find here - First glimpses of Darman - First appearance of the Delta Squad - Comparing the events of the book to the game - Commando Squad culture: Names - First differences spotted between Kal Skirata's and Walon Vau's training method

The prologue is using 1st POV in present tense while the rest of the book uses 3rd Past tense. Prologues being in this format actually became a tradition throughout the series, we see different character's povs in the beginning of each book.

I actually have personal preferences for 1st person compared to 3rd person, so I didn't find this disturbing and honestly, it really helped me to get immersed and invested in right away in the character.

This is the first appearance of Darman (RC-1136), member of the Theta Squad and we see the partial events of the Battle of Geonosis through his eyes. The chapter was short, you don't really get the details about their mission objectives, on the other hand it was a really good presentation of a soldier who only has the current task in front of him, and nothing else and using first person view was actually a good choice for this effect.

Also, the memories of the game's first level and Battlefront (classic!) geonosian mission emerged from the depth of my mind, making me reminded why I ragequit all those years ago. :D It was brutal, it was chaotic and unforgiving.

I really liked this starting sentence. Raw, no-nonsense like Darman himself.

If your are not sure about how much bomb you need, use a lot. :DDD And this P for plenty is also a returning common saying throughout the series. Later we actually get to know that Darman is the demolition expert of the team.

The events of the books and the game differ from each other, but Darman is mentioned, so does their mission objective:

Delta Squad's original mission was killing Sun Fac, chief-advisor of Poggle the Lesser, Archduke of Geonosis, and then they were tasked to finish what the Theta squad couldn't. The game is implicating that Darman's squad was already wiped out by this time.

In the books, they are actually communicating, Darman's squad is just about to break in to the Foundry and the Deltas waited for Theta to detonate. Though he wasn't named, Boss is on the other side of the line:

First conversation between clone babus and they are already bickering. :D I love them so much. Interestingly all the Clone demomen are enthusiastically loves to rearrange architechture (as Boss would say), like Scorch or Wrecker, so compared to them, Darman is actually pretty chill even under the pressure of time and an annoying Delta on his back. :D /affectionate

Because I replayed the first mission of the game just for the sole reason I got myself those quotes, while playing and rewatching the captured video, I realized something: Boss rarely called the team members by their choosen/given names or numbers. Scorch calls him Boss, Sev refered him as 'Eight, Fixer calls him Sir which is already giving away some crumbs about their personality too. But Boss always says Deltas. Clone advisors also refer them as Deltas, or Boss as Delta Lead.

But also referring the other squad as Theta, while Darman calls him Delta.

It really got me thinking about this chapter-starting quote later in the books:

It really got me the thinking that Clone Commandos are not particularly taking pride in individuality or at least it's not the priority.

As four-people they are squad. Alone, they are nothing. If you think about it, the Commando squad are highly elite soldiers and their purpose was together team being basicly a four-men-army and do the jobs a regular trooper can't. They were trained to act together, work together, think together, and encouraged to look after each other. Refering them as a whole is not considered as an insult to their individuality.

Meaning, there is no "I", there is no "you", there is only "we" and "us" as a whole.

I want to talk about this topic in the chapter 1 further because in there there is actually mentioning what is the difference between a Clone Commando and a regular trooper, but regarding names it is already an interesting discovery.

But there is already a difference between Delta and Theta. Though you won't know it from this chapter, but Delta is trained by Walon Vau while Thetas are Kal Skirata's trainees and they are known to had entirely different views on how clone cadets should be trained and handled.

Darman refers the member of the Delta Squad as Delta, but his own squadmates by their names even in the narrative, that's why we know the other Thetas are called Taler, Vin and Jay.

This is implicating a less hierarchical structure within their squad and the only way you know that Taler is the sergeant because he gives the shots. Darman also didn't refer Taler as sergeant.

Out of curiosity I checked if wookiepedia has something more about them, and I was able to find their designation numbers:

- RC-1133, Clone Commando Sergeant Taler - RC-1134, Vin - RC-1135, Jay - RC-1136, Darman (SQUADBABYSQUADBABYSQUADBABYSQU-)

Speaking of designation numbers, Boss's number (1138) is actually an easter egg, a constantly recurring number in the Star Wars universe.

Chapter 1 will have another heartbreaking relevation about the names, so I will continue this there.

As for the rest of the chapter? Darman stays behind with E-Web and watches the rest of the Theta die. :'))))

I hope you enjoyed the first entry of my blogging! ^^

I really didn't think I could actually gather content for the prologue but when I saw on the wiki that Darman's name mentioned in the game, I really got inspired to include the game content as well!

Thinking about collecting and mentioning instances of when Dave Filoni smuggled aspects from Repcomm into the TCW or Bad Batch too.

[goosewriting]

“Have we met?” - Part 2

summary: Fives keeps finding himself coming to see reader, so they decide to confront him. 

relationship: Fives x gn!reader

warnings: hmmm angst :^), mentions of characters’ deaths, implied brainwashing?, comfort at the end

word count: 1.7k

A/N: i'll do everything in my power to bring this man back time and time again >:')

prompts used (source): - it hurts me, just how much i ache for you - i feel your absence in everything that i do alone, in every place i go without you

Navigation: Part 1 | Part 2 (you're here!)

(english is not my first language. constructive criticism and grammar corrections are very appreciated!)

— — —

→ PART 2: When you came back to him

Several days go by without you and Fives interacting much. He’s mostly focussing on his missions, and you’re focused on your work as well, trying to distract yourself from the pain of being away from your beloved by taking shift after shift. The nights are long and cold for you, and you can barely sleep. You wonder if he feels the same at all.

One evening, a ship comes back in such a bad state, they call all hands on deck to repair it. So you go down to the hangar to work on turning whatever is salvageable from the wreck back into a working part. After taking one last sip of your caf (it was going to be a long night), you set the cup away and crawl under a panel, looking at the messy wiring. It isn’t long until you hear some steps approaching and stopping beside you.

You climb out from under the ship and see none other than Fives, just standing there, helmet tucked under one of his arms. He looks unsure and kind of tense. You lean onto the ship’s frame.

“Hey, handsome,” you greet him with your usual pet name. 

“Hi,” is all he replies. You rise your brows at him, asking for him to continue, but he doesn’t. For a moment, all you two hear is the sounds of machinery and indistinct chatter of the hangar. 

“So,” you stretch out the word. “What brings you here this fine evening?” 

“I’m… honestly not entirely sure myself,” Fives responds, looking around as if he only now realised where he was without knowing how he got here. Then he heaves a sigh. “I found this in my last mission and had the sudden urge to bring it back for you, for some reason.”

He digs around in one of the pouches on his belt with his free hand and takes out a little rock. Offering it to you, he holds out his open palm, and you almost burst into tears right then and there. Back when you started dating, you had jokingly told Fives that on his next mission he should bring back a souvenir for you. And since then, he’d always do that, bringing you rocks or trinkets he found. Once he actually gave you one of his old armour parts, a shoulder pauldron, that got absolutely obliterated in an explosion because he hadn't had the time to get you anything better. You kept it anyway, because it was a reminder to both of you that even after going out there and risking his life, you were here waiting for him to come back to you.

And he had, every single time. Except that this time, he came back, just not to you.

Seeing that you're just staring at the rock in his hand, Fives clears his throat.

“You know what, nevermind,” he mumbles, about to put the rock back into his pouch. “It was silly anyway.”

“No, wait,” you stop him. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to space out. I’ll take the rock.”

You take it into your hand to inspect it, turning it around in your fingers against the light. One half is of a brick red, while the other partially transparent, of a milky blue with specks of green and gold. It looks a bit like a galaxy, and the thought brings a smile to your face. Clutching the rock in your fist, you bring it to your chest and look up at Fives with a genuine smile. 

“Thank you,” you say, tilting your head to the side slightly. “It’s been a while since you brought me one of this colour.”

“Right…”, he says and starts studying your face, but then his hand shoots up to his head as he takes a sharp breath through his teeth.

“Are you okay?” You reach out to him, but he takes a step back.

“I-I’m fine,” he says through gritted teeth, trying to calm his pained breaths. “Sorry to interrupt you while you’re working. I better get back.”

“See you around, I hope?” you ask, hugging yourself.

He leaves with a nod, but you could have sworn you heard him say “me too” under his breath.

This goes on for a couple of rotations; Fives suddenly appearing at your workstation in the hangar looking like he’s lost, or entering your workshop only to come to a sudden halt, as if he forgot why he’s there right after passing the door. Often he'd have a little trinket for you. Other times he’d just come by to say hi. But every time you try to bring up something from your past together, his head starts hurting and he leaves.

At some point, you decide you've waited long enough. You'd get nowhere by just waiting. After all, he was coming to see you. Even if he didn’t know why himself. So now it’s time to go to him instead. You've wooed him once, surely you can do it again… right?

On a particularly frustrating day at work, after trying to design a new electrical panel for a ship and not being able to make it work after what felt like a hundred tries, you decide you need to get out and move a bit to clear your mind. You’re still grumbling and thinking about the panel, turning it over and over in your mind’s eye, trying to find the problem. All the while, your legs are walking on their own, and it’s not too long before you find yourself at the barracks of the 501st. 

Standing in front of the door, you sigh, thinking back to how many times you had sneaked in and out of here. Officially, clones weren’t allowed to have romantic relationships, but you knew there were actually a handful on this ship. And everyone who was in on it kept the secret. The 501st was well aware of your relationship with Fives, and they had always been supportive, Rex included. You’re sure the Generals also suspected something, but they never said anything, for which you were thankful.

Unsure of what you even wanted to do here in the first place, you’re about to turn around and leave when the door suddenly slides open and you’re met with Fives, sans armour. He’s only wearing his blacks, a bag hanging from his shoulders; he’s going to the gym. 

“Oh, hi there,” he greets you with a small smile. “Were you looking for someone?”

Screw it, you think.

“Actually, yes. You,” you answer and gesture towards his bag. “Leave it, we need to talk.”

— — —

Entering to your room, you sit down on your bed, and Fives sits down on a chair next to it.

“I’ve been wondering for a while now,” you start, fidgeting with your fingers in your lap. “Do you remember what happened on Ringo Vinda?”

The question takes Fives by surprise, but he makes an effort to try and think back to those events. He tells you what he knows, from the start of the mission to seeing Tup shoot General Tiplar, his memories ending when the Kaminoans put him under for a routine check-up.

“I had this recurring nightmare for several days after I came back,” Fives ends his retelling with a frown. “I kept seeing Tup on Kamino, in the room next to mine. He was dying and there was nothing I could do to stop it.” 

You reach out to hold his hand, but as his head starts spinning again, he retracts his hand from yours at first. But this time, he reaches back for your hand with a groan, and brings it to his face so you cup his cheek. 

“Every time when I’m with you, it hurts,” Fives speaks in a whisper. “My head is screaming at me to get away from you. And at the same time, it hurts me, just how much I ache for you.”

He tightly closes his eyes to refrain from crying, but the tears are already rolling down his cheeks. You feel incredibly helpless.

“Why can’t I remember who you are?” he asks, his voice breaking, just like your heart. “I don’t remember seeing your face or hearing your voice before, yet I feel your absence in everything that I do alone, in every place I go without you… I find myself looking for you wherever I go.”

By now, you can’t hold it back any more and take both his hands, pulling him to sit beside you on the bed, and hug him. This time he hugs back, and he's shaking. 

“I don’t know what happened to you, Fives, but it’s okay,” you say into his shoulder, gently stroking up and down his back. “You’re back here with me. We’ll be fine.”

By the way he’s shaking, you can tell he’s trying to choke back a sob.

“It’s just you and me, sweetheart, just let it out.”

Fives starts crying properly, holding onto you for dear life, his face buried between your neck and your shoulder.

“I’m so sorry, Fives,” you say, your own tears staining his blacks. “I wish I knew what to do. I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too,” he breathes as he pulls back slightly to look at you, and for the first time since he came back to the Resolute, it feels like he’s finally properly looking at you like he used to; eyes filled with love and a little bit of mischief.

You lean in, your hands at the nape of his neck, and pull him in for a kiss. It's sweet, almost shy, like he's kissing you for the first time. He sighs into it and pulls you even closer, tilting his head to deepen the kiss.

Once you break for air, both of you panting, you lie down on the bed, pulling him down with you so he’s on top of you, and you hold his head to your chest. 

“Can I stay here tonight?” Fives asks, and you can’t help the light chuckle that escapes you.

“Of course.” 

You spend the next minutes in silence, just basking in each other’s presence.

“Will you tell me about us?” he asks after some time. “How we met, and how I definitely charmed you?”

You laugh, running your fingers through his hair.

“Sure thing, I’ll tell you everything.”

~~~~~

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