#honestly im still processing all of this because i found all of the info about her family late which is why

[supahstarrr]

i love watari nishino, and so i will ramble about obvious things relating to her background and character. insert heart emoji.

the parentification of watari makes me so so sick. can't stop thinking about that despite the strained relationship with her father she continues to reach out to him despite him not replying, just as she constantly reaches out to others in the game even when they don't reply to her. despite the strained relationship with her older brother based on the lack of energy to her and the younger ones, she is willing to hang out with him—which once again mirrors her tendency to reach out to others.

can't stop thinking about her reassuring her siblings that their mother still loves the family despite the constant emotional and physical neglect, as an attempt to ease their and her mind based on the (valid) perceptions of their mother making them feel unloved. its a reminder of how she tries to find reassurance in okazaki's character despite everyone perceiving them based on how they appear—both her mother and okazaki appear as negative uncaring characters yet it's nishino who is able to see and hope of the potential warmth in them that they don't or aren't perceived to show often, despite the negative perceptions from others having some validity to them.

can't stop thinking about her clinging to leadership roles because that is all she is used to, despite it exhausting her. her deciding to give herself responsibilities revolving around tending to others, despite those kind of responsibilities being forced onto her at a young age. she creates a dance team, and as leader she's the one looking for solutions for problems that risk the existence of her team *all while* constantly tending to her family.

notably her difficulties with the lack of control is what weighs her down, making her prone to being one of the weakest characters in the investigations and trials. this leads her to gravitate to the idea of being a leader.

i can't stop thinking about how the killing game allows her to play with a leadership role, which is something she cannot do while being a leader at home and for her dance team. through playing with the "headmaster" role, she tries to reinforce the false sense of normalcy for both her (that is leadership, tending to others and school) and others (that is school). its an attempt of finding comfort while grappling with the lack of control she's not used to, while also allowing her to be within a "leadership" role that doesn't require much commitment in contrast to being a leader for her family and dance team—thus being an interesting case of (very loosely) reclaiming leadership.

then okazaki takes advantage of watari's role. okazaki takes advantage of watari's "leadership" by utilizing the "privileges" they're given as "hall patrol" for the sake of committing murder. this give more layers to the tragedy that is watari and okazaki's dynamic, as this mirrors how watari's family members (mother, older brother and father) take advantage of watari's role as the primary caregiver so they don't have to put care into the family. watari's tendency to step up for others being taken advantaged by others is a norm for her, and yet okazaki contributed to that normalcy despite the validity to watari's "leadership" being more questionable. watari's attempt to mimic normalcy for the sake of her comfort and others just... became so sad.

i can't stop thinking about how her persistence and dedication leads her to giving energy to people despite them not giving it back the same. and i can't stop thinking about her hope for others.

[kash-the-krashout]

tw : breakdown // vent session // sa - mention

background info so everything else makes sense

my boyfriend (he’s amazing and i love him dearly.) is a paramedic and a firefighter. so his work schedule is basically 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off.

one of my best friends(i only have 2) has an older brother who is 24. i always spend the night at her house because i mean why not?

1. i’m gay.

2. we’ve known each other since we were 2. (my dads are both trauma charge nurses and her adopted parents are police officers so they work real close with each other constantly.)

3. she’s 16, i’m 17. we’re 2 weeks apart her birthday is actually friday. mine is 11/4 hers is 11/15.

4. my dads are in the process of pressing charges on a family member for sa-ing me . for the past 7 years.

5. i got grounded last month because they found my twitter account and it was pure sh related. ill make another vent post about that.

the actual vent :

okay, i posted a video of myself on snap, not doing anything sexual or anything wrong. i was singing teenagers by MCR. like mouthing the words. and my best friends older brother added me, i wasn’t thinking anything of it because we’ve been friends for 15 years. our families are hella close all of the above so him adding me on snap wasn’t a red flag.

he ends up sliding up on my snap, again i’m not thinking anything of it because why would i? and i open the message and he’s basically like “😍😍😍” and i ignored it because maybe he was clicking through the stories and meant to slide up on someone else’s idk.

then he comes back and he’s like “you’ve always been so perfect to me. i hate seeing you with Amir (my boyfriend) I should’ve spoken up. you’ve grown up to be such an amazing person and the more i look at you the more i want you and the more i can’t get you off of my mind” so i start FREAKING OUT. i’m like wtf? so i didn’t know what else to do so i texted my dad. (screenshot below i crossed out names for obvious reasons)

and honestly.. my dads response made me feel so much better about telling him because of how fast he was willing to go to bat for me. but .. then of course my mind for the best of me and i started feeling like i was causing him and my other dad nothing but pain. literally the family member situation and now this like damn? so i went to them and basically broke completely down and told them i was sorry for idk being like an easy target and all the stress is my fault it was a lot . and they reassured me and basically told me like im not doing anything wrong and you know dad stuff.

normally while my bf is on shift he doesn’t check his phone until night time or if they have a dead zone (no calls coming in) so i send him messages basically keeping him up to date and venting and just idk it helps me cope with him not being around. so i texted my boyfriend everything that happened and ended up crying myself to sleep in my dads room.

well my boyfriend got a break today and came to see me, and it made me feel so loved because i literally couldn’t deal. and i ended up retelling him everything i texted him and of course i got emotional and almost had the worst anxiety attack. it was just a lot .

but hey.. i’m 4 days clean from sh. and even though the situation is being handled i feel like i still should i want too so bad but literally my support system has done so much to make me comfortable id feel like shit even more if i did.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi guys! Got an anon ask with some triggers, so I'm copying it here so I can put a 'read more.'

TW: ED, SH

Here's the original ask:

hey Cas!

hru today? <3

I rlly don’t wanna bother u but I just need some advice bc I’m in a pretty tricky situation and I don’t know who I couldn’t turn to who wouldn’t then tell OTHER people (adults etc)

also a TW b4 anyone reads further: ED (not me but a a friend) and generally bad mental health (including sh and sui)

Basically I have this friend (one of my best friends) who’s struggled with really bad mental health and attempted in the past (we weren’t friends during this time but they’ve shared it with me) they have told me they no longer sh but I’m not entirely sure if I believe him on that but I guess there’s nothing to do except just take their word for it and they are definitely doing better than they were before (about a year or two ago)

thing is this friend does still have a (pretty bad I think) ED (specifically I think they have anorexia but I’m really not sure because I don’t know that much about EDs. I’ve tried to do some research but it’s actually incredibly hard to find any info about them especially in terms of ways to emotionally show support. In a medical sense they always seemed to be talked about like minor things(?) idk it’s hard to explain but often times I’ve been reading actual factual medical stuff and just been disgusted at the ways it’s discussed, like they try so hard to describe it from a technical viewpoint that they essentially the entire mental health aspect of it which kind of demeans the whole thing bc EDs ARE a mental health disorder)

sorry went on a little side rant there but basically I’ve tried to find stuff out but it’s really hard to learn about the mental health aspect and even harder to find stuff out about how to HELP someone through an ED

I’ve even resorted to looking thru some more unsavoury places for info (including anablr), I know these types of places encourage EDs and I am actually not a person who really loves their body very much but I do think I’m in a strong enough place emotionally to do this (and so far I’ve been correct, I’m unaffected) because I just wanted some actual insight on what it’s like

the problem with my friend is that she’s ALREADY in therapy. Her parents put her in it when they found out about her vaping habit but they just lie all the time (she tells me about it) because they have like serious trust issues due to past trauma and I’m gonna be honest, I 100% believe therapy is a good thing but sadly it is also entirely useless if the person doesn’t make any effort to get better

all I can do in that aspect of it is hope the therapy is going better than the jokes he makes about it or that eventually she will feel comfortable enough to share and process her issues

in terms of the ED what im really lost with is how to help

and don’t get me wrong, I know you can’t really help a person who doesn’t want to be helped but honestly I’m not giving up on this person I care about that easily. I will NOT be another person in their life who abandons them for being ‘too much’ or ‘too difficult’. I’ve already accepted the fact that I will not be able to help them out of it really (as best as I can at least)

I’ve already taken to carrying gum and mints in my school bag as much as I can (usually I’ll have a pack of both and I just share them with everyone so this person doesn’t actually catch wind that they’re the reason I do as quite often when they skip lunch they do help themselves to a few of my mints or gum pieces but ik if they knew it was for them they’d stop bc she’s just like that)

I just don’t know how else to help emotionally though, I’m one of the only people (I might be the ONLY person at all) that they feel comfortable enough to talk to about these issues and I just think its better that they’re telling someone who cares about them and is trying to help than telling no one at all which seems to be the alternative. The issue is I don’t know how to respond or show support especially because (thank u trust issues and trauma (/s) the window of vulnerability is SMALL (I’m talking a couple of seconds literally) before they’re joking and changing the subject

Also a small (but frankly compared to the rest of this, not very important) detail is that like I previously mentioned I am also not suuuper happy with my body ( I don’t sh really or have an ED in any way shape or form) and sometimes the stuff he says slightly upsets me (just like once I told him about how my mean grandma told me I was fat and had to eat less and he said his grandma forces him to eat more and that my grandma ‘sounds like her wet dream’ - I know this was just a joke obviously but I didn’t rlly love it considering my grandma is a pretty big source of my looks based insecurities)

like I said in no way is it on the same level and obviously I know it’s not coming from a place of malice because this friend also really looks out for my mental health like way more than my other friends tbh (I don’t know if it’s bc they struggled with it or whether they’re the only one who seems to notice I’m the therapist friend haha but they are the FIRST person to ask if anything’s wrong if I’m acting different and I rlly want to stress that because I know that from what I’ve said so far they may have come across as selfish or something but they are actually one of the kindest people ever) that’s especially why I’m worried if I bring anything up about wanting to help with little things or especially anything about not being a fan of little jokes that she’ll just stop talking about it at all in an attempt to make me feel more comfortable)

for context for all of this, I’m 15 (we both are) so still in school and they’re parents absolutely SUCK (in the most non violent way possible I would like to kill them [not actually but I do really hate them and wish them only the worst]) so there’s no emotional support coming from home for him

I don’t really have anyone I can talk to about this in real life because (for privacy reasons) they’ve asked me not to share it with like my other friends and I don’t have the greatest relationship with my parents (they’re not like abusive or neglectful or anything but we just have a lot of differences and just I’ve very much emotionally distanced myself from them)

sorry if this is too much because I do know it’s a really tricky situation and even though all of us sort of deify you, you’re still only one person and if this does make you uncomfortable or upset (not just if it’s triggering I mean just in general if you’re reading this and you don’t feel comfortable) in anyway please don’t force yourself to answer or feel guilty if you don’t because the last thing I’d want to do is put you in that kind of position

Im not sure if ill send in more anons but if I do then ill refer to myself (and you can call me) lacy anon so you know who I am (yes after the song bc i rlly love it haha)

Anyway sending lots and lots of love from the person who does basically look up to you as their adult role model and who I wanna be like when I’m older <3

Hi love! You're not bothering me at all!

So, first, I want to let you know that I am an adult, but when I say this, I hope you don't take it as...condescending, I guess? Because I don't mean it that way at all. I want to be realistic in the fact that these things you are dealing with are VERY grown-up and scary, and you are handling them in a remarkably mature way, but you are still legally fifteen.

This is way too much for a fifteen year old to take on.

You genuinely seem like the most amazing person. The fact that you have done research and carry around things for your friends, all to help them with their ED is frankly restoring my faith in humanity a bit. But I worry that you are placing WAY too much of the responsibility on yourself. I don't mean to be bleak or too blunt, but if god forbid anything ever happened, I would hate for you to blame yourself, and it sounds like you would. Your job is to be this person's friend. Not their therapist or caretaker.

So, here's my advice: I absolutely agree that you should not give up on them! But make sure you have boundaries. It broke my heart to read that you were going to places like anablr just to help- that's not healthy for you! As a friend, especially at your age, your most important job is to make sure your friend doesn't feel alone. And you're doing an amazing job, in my opinion. They seem to be willing to talk to you, and that's a big deal. But, in the best way, you are fifteen, and you don't have to have all the answers! Sometimes, the best way to support someone is to remind them that they are loved and they have someone in their corner. BUT remember that being there for someone doesn't mean you have to sacrifice yourself or your mental health. Say something if a joke makes you uncomfortable. "I love you so much, but that joke makes me feel uncomfortable. Can you maybe not joke like that?" It's okay and healthy to set those boundaries.

Please remember, you are not responsible for this person. You can love them and be there for them and care deeply, but you are responsible for you and your own health. Don't forget you.

My last very gentle suggestion is this: If you ever get to the point that you are so genuinely worried about this friend that you think it is a life-or-death situation, please don't take that on by yourself. I know it is scary, and I know that telling adults mean that there can be ramifications, but remember that if you are genuinely scared, then an adult needs to be there to keep everyone safe. Very bluntly: Trust can be rebuilt but you can't bring people back from some other very permanent decisions.

Again, you are a wonderful person, and a fantastic friend. But remember to take yourself into account and stay safe in all ways. I know this is probably not the advice you want to hear, but I hope maybe you'll consider it.

Sending so much love! <3 <3 <3

[terraliensvent]

Not a vent’ asking a question. Out of genuine curiosity do you actually like Terraliens as a species? A majority of CS vent blogs seemingly want the species to die or fail as an end result.

Isn’t the whole point of vent blogs to give people a space to actively point out problems to make the community better as a whole. Reblog to make it die faster or run out of the community feels conflicting to what the blog is actually supposed to achieve. Do you want it to get better? It seems like you do. Or are you actually hoping it gets worse to increase engagement.

So general question would be do you hate Terraliens? What’s the end goal for you? 🤔

this is a loaded question for me at the moment haha

personally, ive been in terras since april 2023, so basically since the start. ive seen every controversy pretty much first hand, was an avid reader of the terra blogs previous to mine, and terras was the first species i put my whole heart in and tried to interact with the community in. initially i really wanted the species to get better, when they had the suggestion threads i was an avid poster

then over and over again mods just kept failing in the simplest of ways. this blog was made february of 2024, a few months after the first psa and ownership change. i still thought terras could be good but there were just too many blockers, esp from coy and civ after learning some behind the scenes info from the psa

then the Reckoning came and i hoped it really would go down, if only that meant making the species totally open

when tycho became owner i really was hopeful considering the facts that previous mods completely disavowed vent blogs like mine, but shortly before he became owner tycho reached out to ask my thoughts on stuff around the species (you can see that in my post about The Reckoning), when the species fell in his lap i honestly thought there was going to be big change. for a while there was, like new assets in the item channels, feedback forms, etc. but then there were also the nagging issues that never went away from before, like hiring friends for staff, weird unspoken rules, and a horrible approval process

for the past few days ive been thinking, man this really doesnt seem like its worth it. the same issues are starting to pop up again, and the mods currently just twist and turn making up their justifications for moving the goalpost. i dont like a lot of the new designs, dont really have any myos i want to make, and im not pulled in by the new events.

my end goal initially when making this blog was that i wanted terras to get better and make the easy changes everyone wanted, but now i think the better course of action would be for it to die. make it an open species and just let people run with it, because over the 2 and a half years of this species there has never once been such an attitude of unity and happiness among terra community than on that one night in april where the species WAS open.

honestly? im days away from voiding all my terras and fucking all the way off (ill still stay in the server though, i couldnt imagine anyone else running this blog and i think its become a necessary place for everyone. i imagine there would be at least some outcry if i were to shut it down, lol). once i finish my current obligations, im trading all my shit. its exhausting to have been doing this back and forth for improvement for over 2 years now, and its just so much more effort than its worth when i could be putting my whole heart into other up-and-coming projects. it hurts when a thing you really loved and found happiness in just has too many glaring issues to ignore

i think its a bad look when most of your oldest members who have been there since near day 1 decide this shit isnt worth it anymore and want to be done with it. its a bad look when someone who cared so much to make full essays about this species on an entire blog dedicated to it decides that its just not worth trying to "fix" anymore.

and i kind of hope a lot of other members come to that same conclusion and cause it to die.

[thisisadonaldduckblognow]

yes a thousand percent absolutely lets go

(firstly i am sorry my post put anyone to a point of feeling the need to apologize for or feel bad for being Very Into Leo’s character. as someone who is flagrantly Very Into Raph’s character, i promise i wasn’t trying to throw a stone in this glass house. i’ve gotten burnt out on a lot of fanon leo stuff but part of why im so !!!! about it is bc i too love leo’s characterization and potential.. i swear

catch me catching my brain and tone malfunctions behind dennys later, sorry again gang)

BUT YE I’LL TALK ABOUT MOVIE RAPH STUFF TO MY BEST CAPACITY ALL DAY

overall i honestly... totally get raph being hard to get a handle on in this respect. like it’s pretty difficult to pick where to start and how to express it even just in an informal tumblr analysis post, i still haven’t managed to put together any kind of fic myself LMAO. bear with me i will do my best!

so firstly there’s just the veritable gauntlet of “stuff raph experienced/was dealing with in the span of the movie” to consider, i think. 

- his fear and anxiety over his family’s safety, for which he always always feels personally responsible. when he called the retreat during that first fight with the krang, he was absolutely terrified-- and i can only imagine how much scarier it was after leo bailed on the escape pod. like, there’s no way raph was not hauling ass after leo the second he saw that happen.

= he takes a hit for leo, as in just barely stops it and loses a chunk of shell/plastron in the process. he sacrifices himself using his pod to get leo out of there safely (and there’s so much to be said about the fact that raph’s pod seems to be the only one that didn’t auto-activate. that only he and donnie seemed to know they even existed. there’s a whole talk they must have had right there, like raph would probably have had to ask specifically for this feature.)

- the krang try to intimidate answers out of him about the key, and when that doesn’t get them those answers, prime literally jams tentacles into his brain and roots around until he can find what they’re looking for. so that’s one bullet point on the list for outright mental violation. it looks/sounds very painful, not to mention terrifying. 

^^ and honestly, this point of suffering in particular is one that i think would be hardest for raph to actually bring up/talk about with his family. because none of them were there. none of them KNOW. and how do you explain that to them? how do you try to make yourself break that out when they’re already worried about the other stuff that happened to you and to everyone else? when part of you is guilty about it despite yourself, because so much of your identity is tied into being a protector that you can’t help but feel like you should have been able to wall that info off somehow and keep your family safe?

- gets infected by the krang and put into the big gross pod to... incubate, i guess? there’s so much unanswered about the point between brain torture and getting found by his family tbh. was he conscious and aware of being left alone in there? was that why he was so out of it even before the mutation?

- and then of course there’s said painful, grotesque body horror forced krang mutation that he has to go through once he’s out of the pod! thanks i hated it! like it seriously looks so gross and painful.

- ah yes and the mind control... being used as a tool and a puppet and specifically set out to hurt or even kill the family he loves and wants to protect. 

- the standard “we had our cool epic boss fight against the evil alien but he kicked our asses with one flick and then punched mikey and donnie all the way to staten island” physical roughage, too. leo portaled him after mikey and donnie so he could catch them. donnie took the brunt of the krang punch, and raph took the brunt of the hard landing (he is holding his side like he might have some rib issues, they all look rough af down there phew)

- leo’s sacrifice is leo’s sacrifice and definitely a leo development moment as an action itself, i’m never gonna say 'yep here’s how leo getting brutalized in prison dimension is all about raph’. i’m talking about the like, aftermath and pre-rescue emotional toll that that has etc etc etc. ftr.

point one there is obviously just the grief. like, raph is literally incapable of standing when it hits. he’s on all fours, he can’t open his eyes. i made a post comparing the caps of raph’s face getting stabbed and raph’s face when it was sinking in that leo was (apparently) Gone gone bc the expressions are nearly identical. like just. absolute agony. 

- and on top of that, i sincerely think that leo’s “you’re one to talk, hero moves are totally your thing” apparent last words are gonna stick with raph for a very long time. even after they save leo. the look on his face after leo says that... man. i think there’s a very real moment of raph going what have i done, what did i teach him? about the entire situation.

the way this is already tl;dr oh well SO IG SOME OF MY GENERAL TAKEAWAYS AND THINGS I THINK ABOUT WHEN IT COMES TO POST-MOVIE RAPH:

first and foremost. rip raph sufferer of some of the most intense eldest child syndrome i’ve ever seen. he feels bad that he got used to get his family’s location. he feels bad that he got used to harm and nearly kill his family. he probably feels bad that leo feels bad that his shell is damaged, smh. it’s guilt all the way down. the kind where he knows logically his family does not want or need apologies, that getting controlled was literally not his fault, but he feels bad anyway.

and like i said i get how it’s hard to get a handle on him for stuff, because raph is also... not super good at the emotional vulnerability sharing? it’s so wild because he’s very openly emotional and easy to read! he’ll cry during a sad movie scene and yell at a frustrating video game no problem, he’s very straightforward! but when it comes to sincere vulnerability and actually seeking comfort/closure about it, he has a big struggle vibe. good luck to the entire family bc every single brother is gonna be in a “oh but everyone else already has so much to deal with i don’t wanna pile more on with my problems” zone, i think. 

also just like. raph is a protector. that’s one of the core pillars of his sense of identity and worth. he takes care of his brothers. he keeps his family safe. and so so so much of what he went through or experienced in the movie went directly against that. raph, the big brother, the beating heart of the team, the one who takes hits, the overprotective mother hen, gets used to track down his family, and then gets used to hurt them. very nearly gets used to kill leo outright. isn’t there to take the hit for leo again at the end of the movie, is helpless as his little brother seemingly sacrifices his life to save them and the world. how does he come to terms with that? how does he feel like he still deserves the trust and faith that his family puts in him to keep being a rock? (they’re not scared of him, but he’s scared of him.)

and for real seriously how does he ever ever get around to dealing with that brain probe and the mutation specifically. his mind and his bodily autonomy got so deeply violated in the process of this movie. it’s scary! and painful! what kind of scenario would a writer even have to rig up to back him into enough of a corner to share those feelings with his family (who would absolutely want to comfort and support him)! it’s nightmarish stuff that’s gonna linger with him for the rest of his life. 

and in fact on the mutuation/mind control. i think the fact that leo was able to get through to raph just with words, that that was how he managed to break through the control, maybe means that raph was aware of what he was being made to do all along and just. unable to pull enough strength together to stop it before that point. woof.

idk idk if any of this makes real sense or helps for getting a handle on raph’s character at all tbh, it’s just a lot of me nonsensically putting him in a jar with a leaf and a stick for scientific observation ig. if ppl wanna hit me w questions or discussions about my personal opinions on my favorite boi feel free tbh

maybe the real raph character analysis was the hug and nightmare-free nap he probably desperately needs all along....... ah its too late hes dissociating on the couch. relatable.

[xplrvibes]

Omg yeeeees, tell us your thoughts and opinions on the Tom Ward interview! I neeeeeeed to know.

Im going to put my opinions behind a cut because quite honestly, im going to get in trouble for something in here im sure.

So remember...opinions.

Ok, so to start, the first thing I thought was interesting about this interview was that they reached out to Tom Ward and asked to be interviewed by him.

Now, I don't know when they filmed this, but it was definitely after the controversies started, so this was definitely their way of sort of getting out there and letting a respectful debunker have a crack at them.

+1 for that. Smart move.

Now, before we even get into the Cody and Satori stuff...editing.

Are we allowed to talk about it, or shall I skip over the part where Colby explained their process as: "I'll take all the footage and cut it down, and then basically give it to another main channel main editor that we have that will do all the music, effects and all the texts and all that stuff, and then Sam kind of corrects that and manages that as well?"

😉

MOVING ON to the meat of this whole thing: snc addressing the controversy at hand.

I have to give snc props for the way they handled all of this. They came across so open and not offended by any of the questions, and did exactly what I thought they should do. They gave their opinions as best they could, while repeatedly stating, "You'll have to ask Cody and Satori that," which YES. GOD. My whole problem with this thing (besides the vitriol) this whole time has been people coming after the wrong target.

So yea, snc tried their best to debunk everything, and they couldn't. When they saw some of the stuff about Cody's past coming out, they reached out to him for clarification and he gave them an answer that they repeated. Anything farther than that is on Cody and Satori to talk about from here on out.

Hopefully, this message finally gets through some thick fucking skulls out there.

Anyway, them being open and honest about certain things - like how yes, all their info is online and, in theory, could be looked up beforehand and used against them, and yes, they did sign waivers beforehand (but on the day of) and yes, they did find some of rhe stuff that came out after to be really weird and concerning (like the Fox Sisters being frauds, or Cody's 11 year old video) really helps show that they are genuine, and just kind of along for this ride with everyone else.

There were a few things that they said that I found interesting, like the fact that the Conjuring House makes them hand over the videos prior to them being posted for a watch-througj for accuracy, and that the secret message that they were told could possibly be shared some day but they have to clear it with certain people and be respectful of peoples' privacy.

I also found the Zumiez thing hilarious for 2 reasons: 1) I legit did not know there were still Zumiez out there, and 2) Sam stated at one point that this was their first brick and mortar merch line but they had merch in Hot Topic stores back in 2019 so...wtf Sam lol.

Also, why did Colby look like he had just woken up from the best weekend nap ever? Hair all flattened down, wearing what I honestly thought was a bathrobe for the entire interview (turna out it was a jacket but ive never exactly had eyes like a hawk so whatever)...dude looked like I look on every 9am conference call I ever got forced onto.

Anyway, I give them props for this. They were charming, genuine, open, not on the defensive at all, and threw absolutely nobody under the bus, while at the same time clearing their names of any wrongdoing in this matter. They utterly charmed Tom by the end, and judging from the comments, did charm a lot of people who were on the fence about them as well.

They're never going to win everyone over, but I think doing this interview at least helped to prove that they aren't about to start getting into the scripted series category of the streamys anytime soon.

[ebdanon]

ALLIE

I had a short chat today with my mil, we're planning on getting a new internet package for the household and there's been a bit of a debate with my fil doing whatever he wants and not caring about anything while my husband and I have some requirements from the package and are trying to find a deal that works with those requirements. anyway, fil told my mil one thing, and my husbands something completely different regarding the packages he was offered by various local providers, basically lying to both of them. so my mil and I had a chat and she literally told me she's going to be blowing up in the next few days because her husband has been lying to everyone again and just doing whatever he wants and not communicating properly with anyone (he has a lifelong habit of doing that) and this woman was like "dismiss what I say in the moment when I'm pissed, I could say anything in the heat of the moment, please forgive me" which blew my mind!!!

I didn't want to tell her that he does whatever he wants because he's bored and wants to watch her start drama and arguments like he did a few months ago by keeping quiet about the cleaning product that he replaced when my mil got offended over my buying a replacement for that product when it hadn't run out. I think I mentioned it in that long ass arguments ask I honestly can't remember so Im gonna provide a brief rundown: there was a cleaning product that was in the bathroom when we moved here that wasn't working, I tried every which way according to the package instructions and nothing was happening. I checked the expiration date just in case and it turned out it was over a year past that date. So the next shopping trip, my husband and I got a new one. My mil threw a fit when she saw it for whatever reason (part was it that we shouldn't waste money when there's a product right there, part was not telling her that the product wasn't working properly, which I gave up on doing after being ignored about various questions I had since we moved in). So when the big argument happened when I got involved, fil admitted that he switched out the contents of the bottle with another cleaning product, and he laughed saying he didn't bring it up because he wanted to see my husband and his mother tear each other apart - I've since been calling that psychopath behavior. Like last week, I was trying to make myself a salad and when I went to add some olive oil to the dressing, the bottle was empty, when I know the day before there was a bunch left. But no, this dude used it all up (I know it was him because he's done it before with other things) and put the empty bottle back where he found it and didn't mention it to anyone, despite knowing my husband was going on a grocery run and asking him what's missing from the house. And the same thing is going to be happening tomorrow, because I've been keeping track of the olive oil bottle more closely, so I know when it's about to run out to get more, so I know the bottle will be empty when I wake up in the morning. He seems to live for irritating people, but he's never gonna get the satisfaction of knowing anything about me in that regard, so he can stay fuming internally. He tried it in conversation with me a couple of months ago, insisting he knows better about a work process than me, when I've been actively pursuing that process and he only gets secondhand info from other people, and I just laughed at him like he's a little kid not understanding the world and said, sure, you're totally right, what else do you know? And I proceeded to ignore all his advice because I know he's dead wrong (like that boomer thing where they say just go into the office and hand in your resume, when they see you, they'll hire you, and you going the world no longer works that way, and them continuing to insist that nothing has changed in the last 50 years)

Anyway, as bad as I feel for this woman, she still insists on having her brain filled with the bullshit the devil spawn that is my grandma says, despite being warned about it repeatedly, and I've personally caught her in a few lies before when she's trying to manipulate situations to fit her worldview. Not to mention her calling my parents when she's arguing with my husband. So I continue to do my best to stay out of her and her husband's lives. She also complained about how ridiculous her own fil and mil made her life, and I almost laughed because in everything she complained about, she does worse than they did. The difference is, she had no one on her side, and I have my husband.

~lore anon

why is your fil running a behavioral experiment in your house 😭 freak behavior

[lovely-echoo]

Sleepy Bois Inc x FranBow!Reader

In-game AU

Part 1/? Pt.2

Plantonic!SBI x Young!Reader

(10/11 years old)

OneShot/Drabble(?)

Genderneutral reader (they/them) 💜

INFO; If you haven't played or seen game play of Fran Bow then you can skip this if you'd like. If you don't care then go ahead.

Summary; Basically if you've seen/played the game you should know how this goes, you take place of Fran. So you go/went through the same things she did and you still have Mr. Midnight. This takes place while Fran is still in the mental hospital and then got teleported near the SBI.

Honestly I kept thinking about this but was afraid to request it to anyone so I'm doing it my myself-

If I get any info wrong, I'm sorry! I rewatched Markiplier's game play so it shouldn't be way off.

P.s not everything is described the same.

(^ art by sunquids on twt)

CW/TW: mentions/includes of cussing, gore, death, blood, consumption of medication, sexual assault (brief mentions of Damian/The King)

Fluff/Normal

(Angst if you squint)

How you ended up there - How you met Philza and Technoblade

As you were walking around the hospital, you decided to take a pill to see if it'll help.

You watched as your vision blurred and some sort of demonic noises rang in your ears.

After a few seconds your vision cleared up, you took a look around the front desk.

The once dull and lifeless room had turned into this even duller and just plain deathly like room.

Blood was everywhere, random body parts of babies where thrown around. A skeletal figure was hung with what looked like an umbilical cord wrapped around its thin bones, it was connected to this baby covered by a blue blanket.

Just about everything looked grotesque.

Suddenly the floor ahead of you opened and this slimy black tentacle like arm grabbed you by the waist and pulled you in.

It seemed you may have passed out during your fall because you woke up to the sounds of hissing and supposedly two men.

Oh and let's not forget the killer headache causing the ringing in your ears. :)

You rubbed your eyes as you sat up, the light around you seemed much brighter than before.

You looked at the two men in front of you and then glanced down, you spotted Mr. Midnight!

His fur was spiked up and his ears were flat against his head. He seemed to be trying to protect you from the men.

Ignoring their presence you immediately scooped up your precious fur baby in your arms.

Your mind completely forgot about the fact there are two strange looking men in front of you.

A few droplets of water dripped down your (S/C) cheeks onto your (F/C) shirt/dress.

You started crying, so much happened in a short period of time and you found your cat you oh so desperately tried to find.

It panicked one of the adults. Said adult was an average tall man with slightly longer blond hair than average, he also had a green and white striped bucket hat. But what stuck out the most was the large pair of wings behind his back.

At first you thought that it was your pills fault but everywhere around you looked….

Normal?

It seemed like your meds wore off while you supposedly passed out.

But that doesn’t help or ease you at all. If the side effects wore off then how the hell did he have wings?!

The blond walked towards you slowly, like you were an injured puppy. His blue eyes roamed around your body, as if studying your every mouvements.

The other man who was beside him earlier seemed to tense up and looked at him as if he grew another head. He was on edge you assumed.

But he looked even weirder to you. He had long pink hair tied into a loose braid falling over his shoulder. Was it natural? He also had tusks peeking out from his bottom lip, they were large but not enough to be in the way. His skin seemed to be on the pinker side, it was roughed up with scars and calloused in certain areas. You noticed he had pig ears poking out his crown. Is he a king of sorts? Wait, that reminds you of someome... Oh! The king of course!

Ah yes, the king. You quite missed him actually, he was playful and let you use his cane- sword to get a key. But he didn't know about that part. You wonder if he's doing alright right know, the asylum sucks. And the shadow thing next to him said weird things to. Who exactly is the holy man? Why'd the shadow say he took off his clothes?

You couldn't dwell on it to much as you got distracted by the approaching man.

He reached out his hand to stop the winged male. “Phil-”

But the man named ‘Phil’ interrupted the crowned male by putting up his hand. He stopped his hand and let it limp to his side.

“It’s alright Tech, they seem harmless.” ‘Phil’ reassured, though ‘Tech’ nodded his head with a stern expression. There was still hesitance in his sharp red eyes.

‘Phil’ took the same hand he put up and reached it out to you. A soft and kind look in his eyes, you could’ve gotten lost in them if you weren’t careful.

“You alright there kid?” He asked, crouching down to meet your height from where you sat.

“Y-yeah, I think so…” You winced, your throat was hoarse and dry. You peered at ‘Phil’ as he took out this glass bottle with what you assumed was water.

He handed you the fragile bottle, he saw the look of hesitance in your childlike eyes. But something about them set off alarms in his head, they were dull. There’s nothing wrong with that of course! But they were too dull, at least for a mere kid.

He recognized a glint of trauma in your (Eye Shape) eyes, those beautiful (E/C) orbs had seen something they shouldn’t have. Haven’t they?

“Don’t worry mate, it’s fresh water.” He examined the way you handled the cork, you were inexperienced. He could tell you’ve never needed to do it, but why? It’s really the only way so far to keep water with you.

Did you not have any?

While he was lost in thought, you just had noticed he had an accent of sorts. Nothing wrong with it, you've just never heard of someone with it.

(^ Ignore that if you are british)

While the winged male was off in his own world the piglin hybrid watched as you sniffed the clear liquid in suspicion before letting your cat smell it as if you were looking for their approval.

To his surprise they did give it to you, the black cat nodded it’s head and squeaked out a meow. That strangely sounded like a yes- but he dismissed the thought. Probably was just the voices fucking with him.

You gulped down the water as if you hadn’t had any for months.

‘Why tf are they so desperate-’ ‘lowkey kinda concerned lmao’ ‘they look like they’d be an orphan tho’ ‘lmao maybe’ ‘idc about the kid, i want the cat’ ‘absolutely-’ ‘Nah fuck the cat, im allergic.’ ‘lol and?’ 'PFT ANY ASKERS???'

Those were all different voices speaking and overlapping each other.

Technoblade sighed as he glanced at his father, he knew him on the back of his hand. He let him be and slowly walked next to Phil and kneeled down.

“What’s your name kid?” he asked, taking the empty bottle you had handed him. “(Y/n), (Y/n) (L/n)/Bow.” You bluntly answered, looking at him in the eyes. He noticed how bloodshot they were, I mean you did cry not even 5 minutes ago.

"What's yours?" You questioned tilting your head a bit in the process.

Unbeknownst to you, some voices in a certain someone's head were losing their shit, squealing and chanting ‘protecc tiny bean’ over and over again.

"The name's Technoblade, but you can call me Techno." Strange name in your book but your not the one to judge. You simply nodded your head in acknowledgement.

"That guy is Philza, but you can call him Phil." He pointed his thumb to the unfocused man. Technoblade or Techno- cleared his throat.

“You’ve got somewhere to stay? Where are your parents?” “Why can’t you mind your business?”

Techno’s eyes twitched in annoyance and his teeth clenched to hold back any crude words.

Although he noticed the flash of pain in those dull (E/C) orbs of the mentions of your parents.

He sighed once again, something you noticed he did a lot. At least, so far he did.

“Look kid, do you have a place to stay or not?”

And that's how you ended up meeting your new family. . . <3

I may include a taglist if anyone's up to be tagged lmao

[dethbug]

are you willing to share any backstory you have with your s/I and beej... I'm very invested!!!! :DD

ANON HELLO-- you are so kind my heart lept when i read this omg. THANK YOU SM im so flattered :,D its honestly a hodgepodge of the musicals canon, as well as my own elements -- SO BASICALLY i play by my own rules but also just kinda use the musical as 95% of the ground work HAHASDJHAS

THIS IS GOING TO BE A LOT OF INFO but it ties back to your original question im so sorry HASHDAHSDF

SO delia is my s/i's biological mom - still working out the details on everything but im thinking here and there i would help her with her life coaching escapades -- which leads to us meeting the deetz, and me being more involved in the "life coaching" process to hopefully try and help lydia through her mourning!! though ofc she wasnt too thrilled about me or delia at first, i ended up connecting with her because i was able to understand her in a way that delia/charles couldnt quite yet and ONCE AGAIN working out many many details here and im trying to spare you an entire novel of info HAHDHAS --- BUT-- im thinking lydia and i connecting/bonding in a sisterly way is very slow ,, essentially over the course of the whole experience of the main plot events -- hesitant and keeping me at a distance at first, but slowly growing closer as i refuse to give up on her etc etc 🥺 THAT BEING SAID this is where i start twisting the musicals canon outside the realm of "i was there too" LMAO-- so i actually meet beej before lydia does, and to mirror that, she meets the maitlands before i do!! so instead of lydia encountering beej on the roof, i do! ^_^ i go up there after an argument with lydia (comparing it to the musical, i believe this would be after No Reason,, because it makes me sad how lydia shoots delia down, so i think it would just escalate after i sternly stood up for my mom.....if that makes sense....?) meaning this bleeds into Invisible (Reprise) / On The Roof -- where i go out on the roof for fresh air to calm myself down, getting startled by Beej's unexpected presence, and accidentally falling over the railing in which he instinctively saves me, quickly poofing to catch me mid air -- theres a moment where he's just tensely holding onto me as we're levitating, and each of us are able to get a prolonged "first look" at each other (BUGJUICE LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT TENSION YOU COULD SAY) but yes he poofs us back onto the roof, stumbling apart -- queue all the questions and utter confusion you would expect from me. beej is still processing someone can see him, he's all over the place with excitement and bombastic energy eventually that bleeds into Say My Name -- and so on so forth !!! THAT IS THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG IM SO SORRY THAT WAS A LOT. theres so much more but outside of the "structured" plot,, i believe he actually stays in the house, taking residence in the basement (since the maitlands took the attic :D) it just becomes strange found family + breather/demon slow burn ASDDFHJDSJH

THANK YOU SO SO SO SO MUCH to you anon and anyone who is mental enough to read and process my ramblings -- seriously it really means a lot to me :,)))

[yourastroangel]

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ ~ | hi ! | ~ ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

hi hi hiii :)

im bri ! 19, she/her, and in stereotypical bisexual fashion i have an affinity for astrology

made this account on a whim! i think i started this blog when i was 16 so i'm currently revising this pinned post to better reflect me as i've grown LMAO. but there's honestly not much to say! [ LMFAO hilarious that i said this and proceeded to type an essay ] .

i have a habit of remembering tumblr exists and getting in a routine of using it regularly more like a lurker, and then life grabs be by the collar and i forget about tumblr and all my blogs for like 9 months LMAO. but i do miss actively studying astrology and using this blog, especially because it's really cute not to toot my own horn (ㅅ´ ˘ `)

but all that to say, this isn't any professional astro-blog and definitely nothing like the bigger ones that do those PAC posts and things, but i have so much love for them! they're fun to engage with and keep me interested in self-studying astrology. love u guys <3 point is tho i just miss studying astrology and having a space that encourages me to keep learning. i always wanted this to be more like a little digital astro-diary so i'm hoping to do that with this blog moving on. it's just for personal fun and interest and documenting the astro things i learn and think and observe.

one thing i will say is i know absolutely NOTHING about things like asteroids and degrees and i only know the very BASICS of aspects. i'm largely out of practice so there's a lot i dont remember and need to review in addition to all the things i don't know. astrology is a really dense subject! but i study for fun so i'm not too caught up in the advanced stuff. i mean don't even get me started on what the hell vedic astrology is, i'm so serious i really am a beginner in all this. even after becoming obsessed like 4 years ago when i was 14, i'm still pretty much stuck on just analyzing the charts of myself, my family, and my friends and seeing how they manifest in our real like habits, behaviors, and relationships. it's the part i was first most fascinated by because there's so much info to get out of analyzing the charts of the people you actually know, including yourself! i've used it as a tool for self-understanding and revelation throughout the years. i just like to analyze the way basic placements affect each other, how they manifest in reality and for a while i've been slowly moving on to a deeper study of how placements operate in the houses and in aspects, and how those astrological relationships show up in our lives. nothing fancy. i'm hoping that one day i'll work my way up to understanding more about degrees, mythology, obscure asteroids, and eventually grapple with the fact that their are apparently different types of astrology? as in western vs. vedic - i don't know, that's just what i've been seeing around tumblr. idk anything about any of that at ALL, but i hope to one day! like i said, i'm learning for fun so i'm just taking it at my own pace with no rush, rules, or discipline. compared to the astro-blog giants on tumblr, i feel like a little astro-baby beginner but i'm okay with that. i'm still learning and this blog will be a reflection of my mind through that process. my silly little digital astro-diary. if you read all this you are absolutely unreal and my sag mercury just gave u a little kiss :) speaking of which!

my big 3 ! [ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ] - cap sun + taurus moon + libra rising :)

i feel my personality is heavily influenced by my sag merc + venus & scorpio mars as well so i'll also mention those. do with this info what you will but that's really all i have to say! hope u stick around, ily <;3 .

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[ some cute kaomojis i found while making this ! ]

╱|、 (˚ˎ 。7 |、˜〵 じしˍ,)ノ

◌ ◌ ◌ ‧₊ *:･ﾟ彡 ◌ ☽︎ ◌ ◌ ✩彡 ･ﾟ *: ◌ ◌ ♡ (_(\ /)_/) ( ) ( ) ૮/ʚɞ |ა ૮| ʚɞ\ა ( ◌ | | ◌ )

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

∩――――∩ || ∧ ﾍ　 || || (* ´ ｰ`) ZZzz |ﾉ^⌒⌒��￣ ＼ (　ノ　　⌒ ヽ ＼　 ＼　　||￣￣￣￣￣|| 　 ＼,ﾉ||

_________________________

[ t l d r ]

this is like my little personal astro diary i guess? so it's not too serious, there's a lot that i don't know and i'm still learning but this is a space for me to document and have fun with the process. i dont expect any following lol so if ur here idk why?? but hi?? ily???

welcome to the blog angels :)

[amazingphilza]

DSMP!OC HEADCANNONS

i dunno if ppl on here make dsmp!ocs for themselves outside art but here’s my long list of headcannons?? idk what to call this, but assume all names have c! before it ofc :]

,, this is kinda messy & probably has a lot of plot holes but i just needed a space to write out all my thoughts LOL

also cw / ment of manipulation & ib: dsmp wiki <3

character origin :

previous life was the l’mantree :D

allegedly planted by schlatt, we will never know who’s my canonical parent(s)

reborn as a dryad after niki burns the l’mantree

i think being a dryad would fit especially since they’re typically nymphs of oak trees :]

appearance :

my character’s mc skin has long light brown hair & is seen wearing a flower crown with petals that are around the color of a pale violet and navy blue

clothing would consist of black shoes & a long light grey sweater that falls down to the legs and covers most of the hands which adorned with 2 black stripes on the upper arms

lore / history :

since my past life was the l’mantree, i would’ve known the ins and outs of the history when l’manburg was still standing, up until niki burned the tree

after witnessing everything, i’d hold a grudge on niki (+ allies?) and loyal to wilbur since he’s the whole person that made a meaning of the land of l’manburg

however i’d still be on edge w any side because i could sympathize with everyone to some extent after seeing some sort of distress from everyone at some point

i think seeing both sides of the spectrum when l’manburg/manburg still stood could change my perspective of some other characters

but at the same time, not everything was completely centered in l’manburg so i wouldn’t know the whole story of everyone’s character

i’m currently writing this just after tommy has left the prison & mostly everyone is treating him differently, so i’d try to befriend him by not showing that i dont care about his past & trauma but also not being fully faithful about our friendship ahaha,,,

he seems like the type that needs someone to see through his past history but tommy would definitely disapprove of my character visiting dream at the prison (i would do it anyway :))

vowing my current life to wilbur, i would help dream escape to revive wilbur & follow along with their plans of chaos

i don’t fully support dream but he is the only way to wilbur, making me comply with dream’s decisions

“growing up” in my past life and witnessing endless conflict, it is the only thing i know and understand; chaos

but i think during the process of helping dream & wilbur i’d keep my connection with them secret, being the person to obtain all the inside information they need

i could see myself as a type of equilibrium like ranboo but in a bad way, i don’t know how to explain it

but i would try befriending ranboo since he seems like he is involved in many things and would know a lot, despite his short term memory

unfortunately i’m not sure how much his character actually knows since i haven’t been able to watch his pov that much but i’m sure there’s a lot in his memory book...

to blend in as a normal person within the rest of the characters, i’d surround myself with connor a lot

not only because he needs more lore, connor is one of the “normal” citizens of the smp so i believe being with him doesn’t bring as much attention to myself, unlike people that’s related to the egg and their noticeable features after associating themselves with the egg

he is currently only on bad terms with techno which is rly good when comparing that to other characters and their relationships with other people

connor could probably sense my real intentions eventually & tell everyone else that i’m not who i say i am but if that’s my flaw & my downfall is caused by connor, so be it! sorry dream & wilbur

i feel like for being a young dryad, i’d still fool around with dream/wilbur & help give tommy an small “advantage” to defeating the two ?

like yes i’m supposed to be on your side but where’s the fun if tommy can’t do anything to begin with?

i honestly don’t know if wilbur was revived he’d actually be his vassal but let’s assume that happens, but either way i’m with wilbur on his decisions

but ya dream seems like the type to punish me for helping tommy and send me to the afterlife to learn & become smarter like wilbur had done or smth

in the end, i just want to give tommy bits and pieces that tease him from ending all the wars and problems he has been faced with

like here’s some info about dream and wilbur but it won’t be no where close to enough

but who knows, ghostbur said ‘villains are just heroes that aren’t convinced yet’ & maybe tommy could eventually grow on me & change my ways,,

maybe me fooling around & teasing tommy with answers he’s been searching for is a way to mask that i want to be a good person

ok but imagine after knowing so much about dream/wilbur, the revive book, & the afterlife & then i switch sides,,,

surely if tommy can’t put and end to them, dream would make sure i’m gone for good instead

but also if me & connor are in good terms & he’s canonically a necromancer & can bring ppl back to life,,,,

personality :

to all besides dream & wilbur, i’d try to act passive and friendly on the outside to get on everyone’s good side

however under the mask i am more mischievous & strive to cause more problems for everyone on the server from the inside out

in a way, i’ve taken up some of dream’s manipulative personality but still very understanding

i’d like to think of my character as a good listener,, trying to do less talking than others so i do not open up about my true self and intentions

i’ve seen rumors about schlatt & mexican dream also being revived along with wilbur & i feel like i’d have some soft spot for schlatt & pick up a few things from his own character, not sure what though

schlatt planted l’mantree theory, dad!schlatt au part 2 !! /j

because of my character’s closed off and quiet personality, i feel like i’d be pretty analytical

i would know how to slip between the cracks with some characters & notice the smallest things to make them question themselves

maybe my character is good at holding their composure, and not that susceptible to being “emotional” in a way so it’s easier to face people

like i understand when a situation is sad, etc but i can’t show emotion towards how i feel about it (i don’t know if that makes sense but ya!)

i wanna try to elaborate more,, like imagine my character before tommy visits the prison, i would be unfazed from when i found out he died to the point he’s released and we find out he’s been revived

everything is a constant blur hehe

i just can’t fully process everything i guess? i dunno if that’s helpful but yeah!

in the end though, my moral compass has been very tainted; despite wanting to show my loyalty, it can be slightly easy to sway me, making me internally feel guilty to other people

but me trying to get on everyone’s good side to impress wilbur/dream to seem useful to them would ruin me before i would even realize that i’m another “pawn”

we know damn well dream is faking it till he “makes it” but yk,,

but i’d be stuck in this kind of dilemma of not knowing what thoughts are my own or just something trickled down from wilbur or dream

there’s like maybe something that clicks in my head like “maybe i wanna think for myself for once” or smth

like who am i really?

powers , bonuses , etc :

since dryads can technically manipulate plants in some ways, theoretically i could control the blood vines to some extent ???

i’m pretty sure dryads can communicate with plants so i could understand what the blood vines are saying as well

maybe i could get a good sense of what the egg is all about and stuff

assuming that i understood anything that was happening with the egg in the first place but anyway—

i guess similar to ranboo like how he can’t really be around water without some type of amour or something, it would make sense for me to primarily reside in a type a forest or be near one ?? who knows

seems a bit morbid in a way because of the whole history but if i can somehow easily get rid of the blood vines without it affecting me (if there is still some there) i think it would be kinda pretty to build a tree base in the middle of the l’manburg crator (iskall tease)

like it can show a sign of some rebirth, not the same government repeated once again but a new era in general

you know how you see like destruction years after it the disaster or smth happened and it gets all overgrown with plants and stuff? ya that’s what i’m going for in my head (mumbo jumbo s7 tease)

i know it’s covered in glass already but i dunno, some broken glass and a giant tree emerging from the whole thing and all the rubble seems cool

i’m not a good builder but i have the vision LMAO

omg puffy is like a sheep human hybrid im pretty sure & like there’s a specific type of dryad that are a protector of sheep & other animals?? i’m not exactly sure but that seems like an interesting element to incorporate somehow

also glatt randomly planting a oak sapling in quackity’s lore stream yes pls feed my nonexistent dsmp character lore /j

i honestly dunno how to incorporate the fact dryads can turn shapeshift into trees when trying to escape something but i read something that if a dryad stays in a tree form for too long they’ll forget who they are and stay stuck as a tree?? which like woah that’s cool & some material but at the same time what—

since everyone’s backstory is kinda a mess, mr beast parent tease bc he planted a bunch of trees /hj

i have realized wilbur saying like “the whole reason i built this nation is gone” & blowing up everything or whatever is kinda a plot hole in like ‘why would i follow wilbur if/when he’s revived when he said this?’ but i’d like to think he was the one that made some meaning of the area lmanburg was on, which includes the lmantree

like he was the one that started everything and created that sentiment of that land, and however he views it now is how i would see it now

he gave meaning to my past life and now in my current life, i feel this obligation to repay him for it

not really lore bc i think it was cc!tommy talking to cc!ranboo about his height & age when he first joined but yk it would funny to make my dsmp character than his just to slightly spite him anyway

canonically 6’4 dryad yes . /hj

also i have no idea anything about hannah and her lore but we do be flower buddies :D

also omg like this isn’t at all important but the way ranboo can pick up grass blocks will just have me at awe, i dunno seems in theme with the forest/plant stuff

and i remember reading like there was something about dryads and apples but i can’t remember but i’d give tommy a bunch of apples /hj

apples am i right chat,,,,,

i’ll just have infinite apples in my inventory, like kill me in game, not like losing lives kinda deal but just in general and boom stacks of apples

“bee i get you’re half tree but do you just poop apples out like they’re nothing??” “girls don’t poop” /j

ok but like no matter how many streams i watch i cant grasp where everything is but omg but no if i was new to the server & stuff, canonically & not, i would feel my character to be the curious kind to explore everywhere

like besides a mini tour from some other person in the server, since my character only knows things in the bounds of lmanburg, i’d go off exploring different places like pogtopia, the sewers, showchester, etc

i feel like my character would be really into history, like they would have questions about what happened to lmanburg after the last war? what was life like before wilbur? what was the whole history about the antarctic empire? i dunno but reading a bunch of books from a library seems really interesting

oh but in theory, me and tubbo are loosely related if you wanna count schlatt as my “dad” because he supposedly planted the lmantree ???

i mean could make sense but it seems like a stretch

also if my character ever got close to schlatt, i’m not sure if this is canon, but i swear one time he mentioned how the whole dsmp sever is just a game/server in a game & he’s the only one that knows that ??? but like imagine if i found that out canonically,,,,,

big existential crisis pls

and i’m not 100% sure how dryad shifting works with like going from female to tree form and stuff but if i’m able to morph into different girls on the server & act as them,,,, the about of problems that can cause in the lore omg

lemme frame niki real quick and get inside information /j

oh ya and like hey bee do you support the government then? yes but no. whatever my “fav” person is canonically (assuming this is based in the beginning of this whole hc) whatever wilbur thinks, i think. head empty. but subject to change as the dsmp storyline progresses and stuff :]

ngl i wanna throw in some like random lore that doesn’t make sense to throw people off but i can’t think of anything

not actually really lore related but my choice of stream music like how ranboo has his undertale stuff that makes everyone cry, i will have in love with a ghost

yup i like in love with a ghost sm & i’m pretty sure their music is like not dmca too which yay but yk theoretically never gonna stream on the dsmp but still a fun aspect to think of bc i love listening to music & it’s very impactful to a story & associating something to it makes it more meaningful :D

like i could imagine the chill pop lofi piano stuff fits witha few lore streams of like exploring the whole smp before my character would really go out with being this lost villain in a way?

tubbo’s gangnam style who?

like i feel like i made my character bad/evil so they could have potential to get better in the future

on one hand, i’ll end up w dream and/or wilbur for the rest of my life, which is okay but i could also switch to be with tommy or even disregard all of them and be with techno/phil or quackity & potentially schlatt even who knows

also i cant wait for more connor lore tho, like as much as i tried to make my character give him more content i wanna see how everything goes with him having connections to schlatt & stuff

anyway i would’ve made concept art for my character but i honestly don’t rly like my art currently but who knows LMAO

and lastly if u read all of this ily /p

i might update this later when there’s more lore but ya

[violentviolette]

please tell me what aspd is like for you since you're diagnosed? ive had a life time of antisocial (illegal/violent/aggressive) behaviour, im incapable of feeling love and i really lack affective empathy. im becoming 18 in a few months and it's not getting better so atm i think my personality is legitimately disordered but i don't know anyone who has it irl to ask questions

so there's a really good breakdown i saw recently of the core disordered thought processes and internal logic that guide aspd that I thought really hit the nail on the head so I'd absolutely suggest giving it a read here

as for my own personal experience, for me the biggest factors were my aggressive and violent behavior, my pervasive and obsessive need for control over both myself and others, and my lack of remorse and inability to conceptualize the feelings of others.

ive talked a lot about my anger issues in the past so if u want more info on that just go thru my aspd tag here

but my aspd now vs my aspd when I was in my early 20s is very different. ive done a lot of work in trauma recovery and it has drastically improved my ability to cognitively empathize with others, love and form bonds. it is a myth that antisocial ppl cannot experience genuine love and care for others, we just have a much harder time with it.

im much more social now and ive learned to become much better about not only recognizing the emotions of others, but caring about them as well. tho i still don't like the company of many people and am easily irritated and put off by others so i do spend the majority of my time either alone or in the company of 2 or 3 select ppl. I can also still be very callous and I tend to speak "out of turn" a lot. I dont really notice when something ive said could be considered upsetting or insulting usually until after ive said it. peoplw often describe me as harsh and say that im very blunt and straightforward. i dont give much thought to making my words soft or kind and whether or not I care about hurting others feelings depends completely on if the person in question is someone I like or not. I genuinely do not feel any negative emotions from hurting the feelings of people I dont deem worth my care or who I dont like and enjoy even to this day. so while my ability to care for others has definitely increased, its still well below nuerotypical thresholds.

this was much worse when I was younger and it was almost impossible for me to form genuine close attachments with others. i was paranoid and distrustful of people by default, I didn't care about peoples feelings and was extreamly self focused and defensive. if I didn't personally find it upsetting or if it didn't go against the morals I had set for myself, I just did not care. I still don't care about most things or people and when I dont care it feels like genuine torture to have to pretend to do so or to perform an emotion im not having for the sake of appearing normal

I also viewed all social interaction as inherently manipulative. people were not their own unique individuals, they were pawns for me to use for my own personal gain and interacting with them was a chess match to "win" what i wanted from them. I never considered their feelings wants or motivations and cared only about myself and my wants.

anhedonia has also been a big persistent symptom for me. its been very difficult for me to cultivate happiness and find things that both keep my attention and make me feel positive emotions. when I was younger this was also much more difficult and I would partake in increasingly risky behaviors in order to feel emotions because I could only experience them if they were at extremes. this led to things like breaking the law, self harming, doing lots and lots of drugs ect. anything I could do to dump as much adrenaline into my brain as possible in order to feel anything other than a pervasive numbness.

I still struggle with this but again to a much lesser degree. I still absolutely do drugs and struggle to find meaning and purpose with my life and am just kinda floating thru it, but most of my days are positive and im able to find hobbies that make me happy a lot easier

those are most of the big things for me, tho there is a lot more. but honestly working on trauma recovery helped SO much with most of my symptoms. unpacking the disordered ways I was taught to live and the abusive mindsets I was raised under help me understand the world around me better and view it through a more positive lense. also being surrounded by people who did genuinely care for me and whose company I found enjoyable. its very hard to care for people who clearly don't care for u.

I hope that was at least a little helpful but feel free to ask anything else if u have more specific questions!

[cottage-babe]

Bolin x pro-bender!Reader

Masterlist

here... take this bolin headcannon... just take it

i feel like there’s not nearly enough bolin stuff and since i’m almost finished w LOK, i guess ill aid this deficiency :)

also, i just started Book 3, so if theres some things that aren’t right or something, ignore it 

___

Bolin HC (during Book 1/Book 2)

so you guys met at (you guessed it) a pro-bending match

you were an Earthbender for the Ba Sing Se Badgermoles, a widely known team because you guys represented such a big city and you guys were actually kinda good

the Badgermoles were constantly interviewed, put on the covers of magazines, and bombarded by fans. The people loved you and your team

and so the day came where the Badgermoles were put up against the Fire Ferrets

you had heard about this team a lot; how they lost a member of the team, then the Avatar, actual master of the elements, filled in that empty space

it honestly took you so long to process

anyways, your team didn’t get the chance to meet the Fire Ferrets before the match; you just threw on all of your gear and made your way to the play area

you saw the Ferrets and instantly saw Avatar Korra, the only girl on the team

honestly, you couldnt see her well, but she was so pretty

anyways

the battle started and the Badgermoles got the advantage pretty quick

you took out their firebender and was working on the earthbender while the rest of team handled the Avatar

the earthbender put up a huge fight, it was so impressive

he even knocked you back a zone, but you recovered and, with a streak of luck, knocked him straight out of the field

you guys won that round

the next round didn’t go so well

the fire ferrets managed to knock all three of you guys off the platform, resulting in a win and a knock out

this meant that the entire match went to the Fire Ferrets

the other members on your team were annoyed and angry, but you weren’t phased too much

after all, Ba Sing Se treated you all extremely nicely, whether you win or not

so after the game, your team found themselves walking through the Fire Ferret’s locker room so you could leave

after your team mates walked past, you stayed behind and talked to one of the Ferrets, the Earthbender

“Hey, you were really good out there.”

you took off your helmet, just like in the movies, and he swore time slowed

he just stood there, completely frozen with his mouth agape

you raised an eyebrow at his antics and it wasn’t until Avatar Korra slapped him on the back that he came back to

“You- good- were good, uh im- im Bolin.”

you just laughed at Bolin and smiled 

“My names Y/n”

you walked up close to him, noses inches apart

“And next time, we won’t lose.”

he just gulped and nodded him head

you turned and walked out, laughing quietly to yourself

the interaction boosted your mood up exponentially

anyways timeskip to when their looking for the airbenders

you were just chilling in Ba Sing Se in the upper ring

you and your team were given super nice houses since you were the city’s pride and joys

then suddenly, you see Bolin and his brother walking around calling for someone

“Bolin? is that you?”

that boy turned around so fast

he blushed so brightly when he saw you and kinda looked at his brother for help

“well, well, what are the Fire Ferrets doing in my city? you know.. i’ve been dying for a rematch!”

you were only joking of course

you knew that their team had broken up after the year you met Bolin

not that you were keeping tabs on their team

of course

“yeah not right now, we’re looking for someone” his brother said

“oh? need some help?”

it took some time to convince Mako, the brother, but eventually you annoyed him enough to let you join

you were all walking through the upper ring looking for some kid named Kai, but you weren’t really paying attention

you maybe, kinda, might only be there so you could hang out with Bolin

from what you had heard (once again, you definitely weren’t searching for info), Bolin was an outgoing, loud guy

now he was quieter than a mouse

“So, i heard you were making movers now. What, getting tired of being a Pro-Bender?”

“Huh? No. I still play! I’m just doing this until the season starts...”

you were visibly happier after hearing that

you had thought that acting was going to be his permanent thing from now on

but still one thing plagued your mind

“And whats that princess girlfriend of yours gonna think about it? Ginger, I think her name was.”

Spirits you had done wayyyy too much research on this man

to be fair, you didn’t think you’d see him ever again

he blushed and stuttered out something about how they weren’t really dating, how it was a publicity stunt, blah blah

you weren’t really paying attention because after hearing his availability, you decided that today was the day you were gonna make a move on him

if it fails, then you don’t really have much to worry about; he lives in an entirely different city and you would only have to see him once a year

but if it succeeds; ohohohoh you’d finally get to live out your crush

the pros really outweighed the cons right now

so you guys searched for Kai for a while more

you decided that you were going to make some subtle hints toward Bolin

you let your hand brush against his a couple times, but never really looked up to see his reaction

then, you guys found Kai

he was stealing some old guy’s money by... airbending? why does this day just keep getting weirder?

so you guys chase him down an the streets and eventually follow him onto a train

unfortunately, he tricks you and sends you guys all the way to the lower ring 

you used to live here when you were younger, before you became a Pro-Bender, and it wasn’t a nice place

only now, it seemed to have gotten worse

all of you tried to find a way to get on a train back to the upper ring, but none of you had your passports or any money

if only you hadn’t left your house in such a hurry

you even tried to pull the “im a Pro-Bender!” card, but it didnt work

so you guys stayed on the streets for the day

Bolin was really trying to lighten the situation up, but it wasn’t really working 

“C’mon guys! Korra will realize that we’re gone and then come rescue us! I know it!”

she did not come

eventually, they had to find a place to sleep and no where was letting the stay for free

so they found a place in an alley and slept on the floor

yup, the dirty floor

you were not used to this

you almost wanted to stay up for the whole night to avoid sleeping on the ground, but Bolin assured her that it wasn’t as bad as it seemed

it was

“mmm here! you can use my jacket.”

he took off his jacket and laied it out on the floor neatly before gesturing for you to lay there

you hesitated for a second before sitting, not really putting up much of a fight because of how tired you were

Mako was already asleep somewhere across the alley and Bolin began gathering up some papers to use as blanket

then he found a spot somewhere away from you and started to settle down

“hey Bolin? do you maybe wanna share the jacket?”

he looked up so quickly and even the soft light from the lamp post caught his blush

“uhh sure”

and so he came over and laid halfway on the jacket so that you could take up most of it

he even offered you some of his picked up trash to use as a blanket, but you grimaced at the grossness and shook your head

you turned away from him, not wanting to be too overwhelmed by his proximity, so you didn’t notice that Bolin was staring at you

before you could completely fall asleep, a cool breeze burst threw the alley way and you began to shiver

maybe you should’ve accepted his paper

“hey Y/n you awake?”

since you were currently bouncing between consciousness, you decided not to answer

you feel him scoot closer

“okay please dont be mad at me when you wake up”

then you felt his arm cover your cold skin and warm you instantly

Spirits, he should be a firebender with how warm he was

you scooted back to meet his chest and let him envelope you

you fell asleep so quick

both of you woke up to Mako above you speaking loudly

“hey lovebirds, wake up”

since you already know of the position you were in, you didn’t really jump back with the surprise that Bolin had

“S-Sorry Y/n! You just looked so cold last night that I-” 

“its fine Bolin” you smiled at him “and thank you”

spirits he was so cute

and so you guys went on with the day, thinking about stealing food, then meeting their long lost family

it was such a nice reunion

they talked a bit about their family history, but since you felt out of place, you settled for playing with the babies on the floor

you bended little toys out of rocks and watched as some tried the same

it was so cute

meanwhile, Bolin was having a little dilemma

he and Mako had just finished having a heartfelt conversation with his Grandma and now he walks out here to see you playing with little babies and laughing with them

you were just so cute

“you know she likes you too right?”

“huh?! what- staring? im not staring.”

Mako just sighed because wow his baby brother is so dumb

“just talk to her before we leave Ba Sing Se”

and so they got their passports and left to the Upper Ring

you were so excited to go back home and sleep in a real bed

but you had one more thing to do before all of that

“So uh Bolin”

“So uh Y/n”

you guys spoke at the same time

“Oh! you can go first”

once again at the same time

“listen Y/n, I think you’re really pretty and super strong, like you could beat me up if you wanted to and i think thats really cool.” *cue your confused stare* “um anyways what I meant to say was, I think I’m about to fight the queen of Ba Sing Se and if I make it out alive, do you think we could hang out? like just us two?”

you decided to ignore some parts of what he said because umm you can only handle so many things at once

you settled for kissing his cheek and confessing too

you went back home so excited

even tho your crush was about to commit treason <3

aww the two of you are so cute I can’t

[rickriordanfandam]

opinions on riordanverse ; my edition

a lot of people have been doing this so i decided why not right. probably gna lose some followers or smth but anyways. pls respect my opinions! if u disagree, thats fine, but please be polite. unless any of my opinions strikes u as morally wrong then pls point it out to me respectfully. thanks!

- i actually liked drew. im so sorry to everyone who hates her but full offence, why. think about it this way ok, first of all drew became hc because silena died. silena was the traitor, the one who betrayed chb, yet after she died campers celebrated her as a hero? and then drew suddenly has to replace her and live up to idk that legacy she left behind,, when all of a sudden this girl named piper swoops in and takes her place. idk abt u but i wld be salty abt that too. not only that, but as an asian, the chances of drew having faced racism/bullying as a child is pretty high (she studies at brooklyn academy). which means that when she finds out shes a demigod, and arrives at chb where most of the campers are white (this is an assumption btw), she’d obviously be scared of being bullied for her skin color right?? so the first thing she wld do before the campers get to bully her is to bully them before they can do so. (sentence structure here is wack i apologize) ofc this might not even have happened, drew could have had a perfect childhood && was a b1tch for no reason, BUT EVEN THEN HER ROLE AS A BULLY WAS PRETTY VITAL BECAUSE THAT FURTHER SHOWED THE CONTRAST BETWEEN HER AND PIPER,, HIGHLIGHTING PIPER AS A HERO//GOOD CHARACTER,, AND THEREFORE MAKING READERS LIKE PIPER MORE. anyway stop hating on drew please. ALSO WHY IS THIS SO LONGA SDFJHG

- jason isnt bland, the fandom just kinda erased his backstory (thanks to @pjohoo-memes for the phrasing lol)

- reynabeth wouldnt have lasted/would have broken up several times. idk i just see them as two extremely powerful characters who have firm opinions and will definitely clash at some point. in a platonic relationship,, i can see them as really good friends but as lovers? idk i just think theyll break up

- PIPABETH

- i dont really like jercy,, i see them as better friends than lovers. also idt jason and percy were that close..?

- the dam and not my type jokes are srsly cringey and were never funny. ik that seems hypocritical since my username literally makes use of the dam joke but honestly i dont actually like the joke. its not funny to me and has never been funny

- the seven were not best friends. they definitely argued,, and honestly probably werent as close as the fandom makes them seem. like ure dumped with 6 other people, out of which u only know a few. my introverted ass would have jumped off the argo 2 quicker than leo valdez could bomb camp jupiter up. also leo was a dick to frank. so what if frank is bigger sized?? thats not a valid reason to tease him

- the fandom needs to stop hating on octavian while worshipping luke. if u hate luke and u say u hate octavian too, then okay. but if u tell me ure a luke stan but u despise octavian?? imma disagree w u. luke was worse than octavian im sorry. first of all, octavian being a dick was kinda justified. hes been after the praetor position for so long, and everyone keeps saying to “wait for jason” when suddenly this dude, whos a son of NEPTUNE (neptune wasnt liked much by romans), and the camp decides to make him praetor?? dude i would be pissed off big time. and then afterwards, he finds out that greek demigods are real and the dude they made praetor is greek. AND THEN GREEK DEMIGODS COME TO CJ AND ONE OF THEM BOMB IT UP?? octavian has been told all his life that greeks are scum and this dude called leo valdez attacks cj. sure it was an accident, but did octavian know that? no. so it was honestly justified that he was such a salty prick im just saying. also some of yall be hating on octavian for cutting a teddy bear open and thats the funniest shit ive ever heard i swear 

- luke didnt go to elysium

- travis and connor stoll r way too underrated. the two have been head counselors of the hermes cabin since luke was revealed as a traitor, can u imagine the stress? luke, the person they probably looked up to as a brother, betrayed them. and they didnt even have time to process this when they were  thrown the roles of being hcs. that would have been so stressful and i would probably have broken down if i were them. the stoll brothers taking turns to wake up at ungodly hours because a new camper is crying and homesick and terrified, the stoll brothers having to comfort and take care of new campers, having to deal with the amount of people in that cramped space because not enough campers are being claimed fast enough. having to resolve issues between campers in the hermes cabin all the time. the stolls arent just comedic relief, and we need to stop treating them as such

- tratie shldve been canon idc idc

- demigods of the demeter cabin arent talked about enough and i love the fact that meg was demeters kid. like she isnt the child of one of the big three yet shes so powerful.

- we need to hype clarisse up more her character arc was phucking amazing 

- rachel is overhated. sis found out greek gods exist and regularly come down to earth to fuck around and went “ok cool”. queen shit behavior methinks

- the floor 19 crew of mcga is srsly underrated. like do u even remember halfborn gunderson, mallory keen, tj, etc??? bc i feel like we only remember samirah, magnus, alex, and sometimes blitz and hearthstone

- sadie (tkc) was kinda annoying at first. i like her more now tho but i rmb not liking her for a phat while

- tkc and mcga need more love

- carter kane and jason grace arent boring. theyre just really sweet boys who are too good for this world and yes yes yes 

- hazel and frank (especially frank) need to be hyped up more. i hardly ever see anything about them. also yall seem to forget that frank was literally made praetor and that even hecate admired hazel and was willing to fight beside her because of how powerful she was

- frazels age gap is kinda sketch but i still think theyre really cute

- nico definitely had trauma from going to tartarus on his own

- GROVER IS PERCYS BEST FRIEND

- annabeth isnt smarter than leo but neither is leo smarter than annabeth. ive seen a lot of discussions about who is smarter and heres my hot take on it: neither. theyre equally smart, just in different ways. leos a genius mathematically speaking. he has no issues solving math problems meant for people much, much older than him. annabeth on the otherhand, is great at strategies etc. she can make an army of 1000 more powerful than the enemy, even if theyre outnumbered. so in my opinion, both are equally as smart//u cant compare their intelligence, because their talents lie in two different areas.

- while i do agree rick riordan isnt a god and that hes bound to make mistakes,, AND that hes given us a lot of representation,, if the representation offends the people its sposed to represent, then theres a problem. im talking about piper as a poc and wearing feathers in her hair. im not a poc, so i cant speak for them on whether or not its wrong, because i dont know either. HOWEVER, i have seen multiple posts BY pocs talking about how they didnt really like rick’s representation of piper, and thats an issue. pocs have been and are still oppressed and discriminated against by many. as a white cis man, we cant really blame him for not knowing (tho he could have done a research,, asked some pocs,, idk), but by representing pocs in that manner, hes influencing impressionable kids/teens into thinking “oh pocs wear feathers in their hair all the time” etc, which isnt true. the pjo/hoo series is extremely successful, and kids who read the books will probably start forming inaccurate opinions on pocs. the amount of fan art that depicts piper with feathers in her hair dont help either. “but rick said so in the books, so its canon” yeah well rick isnt a god and he can get some things wrong at times. im not saying we should cancel him, im saying we should start educating ourselves and not spread false info like pocs wearing feathers in their hair all the time. also that snake song shit where she sang Summertime was just- yeah. bc heres the thing you can be racist, and still include minorities, but portray them in a racist way. And even then, ignorance isn't a thing to admire. Getting those facts wrong still has a major impact. It continues to perpetuate racist stereotypes.

“ With the feather thing, I looked it up myself; it takes less than five minutes to figure out that Cherokees don't braid feathers into their hair. I didn't grow up in the country where my parents are from. I have many other first/second generation American friends who have also been through that, with a bit of a disconnect from their culture. But something that most of us have in common is that when we didn't know something, and when our parents weren't that big of a help, we looked it up. We sought out resources online and through other people from our culture to be able to connect more with where we came from. Some of that took a Google search. So I find it hard to believe that Piper, a girl who Rick's trying to portray as someone who is attempting to connect with her culture and is totally against racist stereotypes, wouldn't know that eagle feathers aren't supposed to be braided into your hair casually. She may be disconnected from her culture, but she's also shown to want to connect back to it. Piper wouldn't be casually braiding feathers into her hair while also telling off people for being racist. It makes no sense.” - reddit thread (down below) 

for those of yall who wanna know more please please read this, it has a lot of things i wanna add in here : https://www.reddit.com/r/camphalfblood/comments/gy3gl2/piper_mcleans_portrayal_is_innacurate/ 

as well as https://finding-my-culture.tumblr.com/post/189422373260/maxie-ratties-and-cattie-finding-my-culture 

i will be posting screenshots of these in future posts so if ure viewing this on ig and u dont have tumblr,, dont worry 

- the fact that most of the strong female characters in the series refuse to be “girly”, and ngl i dont really like that. just because ure girly doesnt mean u cant be strong. 

- piper would have been a great way for him to start making the strong characters act girlier, but instead he went with the “I’m not like other girls” trope which is quite obnoxious to hear constantly, and I don’t think it’s necessarily great for younger girls to read that idea growing up.  the closest we've ever had to a strong female character who was also into "girly" things was Silena. when I was younger I admired Piper's "I'm not like other girls" thing, but then I got older and realized that the whole mentality of "not like other girls" is super obnoxious, and a little bit toxic

i have a heck load more that i cant rmb rn but yeah feel free to add more 

[wandering-bitch]

Fic Annotation: No Round Peg, But Not So Square pt 1

No Round Peg is my fic about family and disability, for the mdzs reverse big bang. It's based on Ashes' beautiful art with the concept "a-qing joins the jiang sect"

Here are notes on the writing process and the world building!

I was really worried this fic would get the same lukewarm reception as Blood In The Cut, my mini bang fic. Both are really tied up in my feelings about my body at the time of writing and hashtag disability content, so I figured the Fandom would be bored

i mean this is about feeling like your body and circumstances are failing you and keeping you from your dreams, and also how part of community and caring is making sure children don't feel that way!

but apparently when ppl read this they just see jc being a dad, even though that's like, not at all the point of this fic, and fell in love, so whatever! nice!

scene 1

love my little worldbuilding here with the yunmeng tour, i can totally see the jiang sect, being all free loosey goosey, would pick up more gutterpunks with potential than most other sects

this is probably how jfm found wwx in the first place

also like that i got to write the regular world + how it was affected by sunshot. im really interested in non-cultivators!!! all this amazing shit happens!!!! what are the repercussions!!!

god in theory i should love g0t but i just don't fuck with it

anyway: i love a-qing!!! arguing with rich fuckers!

in my original outline, jc did test a-qing's spiritual root, bc i had just watched the beginning of duoluo continent + finished lingjian mountain and that trope was fresh in my head

a-qing had a wood spiritual root, bc her 'qing' is bamboo and bamboo is kind of wood and wood as a personality type grows very quickly and also water feeds and supports wood and i thought i was Very Clever to figure this out

but i couldn't find a way to do that in this interaction so now it's just extra info

scene 2: a year later

JIN LING JIN LING JIN LING

i just think a-qing's a gremlin who should get to bully a little brother!!!

now we're gonna talk about Classism

honestly "but now we're gonna talk classism" is a big Wandering Bitch//Covert mood

A-Qing's confusion at the passage of the book she read (or tried to teach herself to read) is because her eyesight is going, she just doesn't realize yet.

See, one of the things I noticed when reading the golden flower for research is the couple of times they make philosophical conclusions from how characters are written. There's a big thing about how if you write "gold flower" vertically, the character for "light" is in there. (check annotation on ch1 verse 8 on the translation i linked)

The passage I had a-qing read (ch 10 verse 5) includes a different character fr light, and then sun and moon. And while sure, I can tell the difference between 日 and 月, I figure if you've never tried to read and also everything is mildly blurry, it might be hard

and a-qing, being a proud gifted kid, gives up easily

and then fucking beats a man half to death with her bare fists because fuck classism 

“an unruly but clever disciple”  we get it covert you still like to invoke the memory of wei wuxian, you love the fact that jiang cheng can never let him go, even when jiang cheng has moved on with his life and is focusing on his new responsibilities 

 jiang cheng i love you but you should have given a-qing a reader from the start but what do i know!!!!

Scene 3: Probably six months later, although I didn’t draw a hard timeline

sorry i made being blind stressful, a-qing

this is me really obviously processing the stress of your body changing without your permission. if you think it’s about puberty, you’re wrong, it’s about progressive disability. 

anyway she runs away rather than dealing with her problems head-on because this is unbearable!!!!

“she probably bought something in town and had it billed to the sect, the restaurants and shopkeeps were used to that sort of behavior” hey jiang cheng i’m proud of you for thinking about your brother without crying

“he’d certainly stayed out too late when he was her age, although he was usually with someone else...” hey jc im proud of u for thinking about ur brother without crying 

i thought about getting rid of jin ling's little bit of narration but honestly how could i do that

jin ling deserves to narrate and he deserves to be a hero and a terrible little kid

sorry fairy but dogs do not belong on tiny boats

even if they're very good dogs

i love a good unreliable narrator especially when they’re an absolute clown about it. u may have noticed this from the 22000 words of “falling in love with love”, starring my favorite clown jin guangyao

in a-qing’s world there are three genders: kids, adults, and rich fucks

i just like wanderers and notions of home. 

“stuck his wet grimy hands around her in a disgusting hug” a running theme in my work is stuff like this, very visceral? sensory? descriptions of love and familial intimacy. I forget if i kept the phrase “wet baby noise” in a prior work but it’s one that’s stuck with me, because babies make wet noises, and it kinda exemplifies this stuff. tender and honest and gentle moments are not always sanitary or dry. they often happen because you have just rescued a six year old from a river in september and you are both sopping wet and covered in sand and a little bit of reeds, so your hugs and snuggles are gonna smell Bad

but the hugs are going to be no less important and i feel like part of your brain IS going to notice “uuugh river smell” as your heart go “jin ling u dork i love u”

dramatic frog screams

fairy mvp

a-qing is a mood though, if there’s a protection circle and u leave it and u die??? your fault. fuck you. 

the real way you know that a-qing is a jiang is bc she goes from 0 to yelling at jiang cheng. no other sect would dare. wandering cultivators??? they’d try to be “””reasonable””” or some shit. only a proper jiang disciple would jump to “are u fucking kidding me shut up i love u ur the worst” the second anything doesn’t go their way

also “you’re not a young woman you’re my best student” jiang sect doesn’t have gender it only has grades

on the one hand, i wanted the message to be “disabled people can be independent and successful”. on the other, i wanted it to be “disabled people can accept help and that’s not shameful and part of being in a community is the community understanding that you don’t need to perform to abled standards if you are disabled and also the community providing the aid necessary for u to excel as much as u want”

so i asked my spouse/beta which i should go for and they said:::::: both

have a-qing (the individual) say and demonstrate that she can be successful and independent, and have jiang cheng (the community) say and demonstrate that she doesn’t have to be independent and successful-by-exactly-abled-standards, her value is in her existence not her adherence to those standards

both both is good

jiang cheng not knowing how to comfort people

a-qing and jiang cheng ganging up on poor jin ling to point out his mistakes...... but kiddo u cannot put a dog on a tiny rowboat if that dog is dumb and you can’t steer a boat

jiang cheng: god damn it this kid keeps remminding me of my brother and technically has no family....... im.... gonna...... im gonna adopt her...... nie huaisang, paying jin guangyao three taels of silver: you were right, he is the fathering type jin guangyao: there’s a reason all the young disciples call him ‘daddy’

anyway thanks for coming to Wandering Bitch Disability Hours!! Because i disguised it as Wandering Bitch Dad Hours, Jiang Cheng Hours, and Jin Ling Hours, it was popular this time!! 

[hongism]

Hyello, okay so. I don't have the emotional energy to take in and discuss everything in that chapter so imma just gush over the info cause I am a ✨whore✨ for world building.

So obviously MOC SPOILER

hi bestie HELLO guess WHO!!! finally ANSWering!!! altho im gonna answer separately and space everything out all Neatly bc im all over the place so strap IN we’re going on an moc RIDE!

THERE'S A WHOLE SIREN COMMUNITY?! AND YN AND IT MUST BE WOOYOUNG WERE FRIENDS? SIRENS HAVE A FULLY FLEDGE COMMUNITY WITH PRIESTS AND SCHOOLS AND MULTUOLE CITIES TO SOME EXTEND??? MAYBE EVEN AN ENTIRE PLANET WITH SIRENS MAYBE THEIR ORIGIN PLANET? HOW MANY TYPES OF SIRENS ARE THERE AND IN THE COMMUNITY HOW DTRICT ARE THE DIFFERENT ROLES?!?! ALSO DOES THE SIREN COMMUNITY ALLOW FOR DIFFERENT TYPES OF SIRENS TO BE TOGETHER? OBVIOUSLY THEY SHOULD BUT ARE THE CHILDREN THEN HYBRID TYPES, LIKE WHEN WE GET BLUED DARK SKIND BABIES OR CAN A SKREN ONLY BE ONE TYPE. WHAT POWERS DO SIRENS HAVE AND DOES THE POWERS REFLECT THEIR PERSONALITY AND DO THE DIFFERENT TYOES LEAN TOWARDS CERTAIN JOBS. LIKE WE JUST LESRNED THE OCEAN GOTTA BE PRIESTS BUT MOON ISNT STRICT WHAT ABOUT FIRE. AND IS YN INSTIC TO PULL OUT A HEART CAUDE HER PERSONALITT, TRSUMA OR IS IT RELATED TO THE MOON. ALSO CAUSE ITS A RED MOON WHICH IS COMMONLY A BLOOD MOON, IS YN THEN A SPECIAL MOON SIREN AND THATS WHY HER POWERS ARE STEONGER OR HER INSTICTS TO USE THEM ARE STORNGER BUT THEN THE MILITARY FUCKED HER UP. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

now this is the thing im biting my tongue on SO HARD bc it’s my favorite aspect of the world building and the universe and everything involved in it bUTIHDFKJG THERS SO MUCH I WANNA SAYYYYYYYYYY in short that one dream sequence holds more hints and information than ANYTHING from previous chapters, i think that it’s probably the MOST IMPORTANT dream to date. while we’ve seen some crazy ones in the past, this one is both the biggest hint and the biggest window into y/n’s past by FARRRR. even tho that whole scene was dialogue i think there’s so much to pick up on from it and so much to see and learn from it and it’s one of my faves bc there’s so much to unpack from it !!

Like yes the story and the development is freaking ✨yes✨ I love it. Genuinely think moc should be released as books. But I just cannot deal with the emotions rn.

But also now all I'm going to be thinking about how many sirens are actually out there. And if yn knew her parents and wasn't just an orphan the military found in the streets... How the fuck did she end up in the military grasps. What happened to her parents what happened to the community, is it still out there? Guess I gotta go back and reread the galaxies and the backstories, obviously I must have missed or have forgotten something. Ugh how the puzzle pieces are puzzling (or something). Moc is a drug and I'm not going sober anytime soon

(obviously you don't have to respond to my questions, this is more just an insight into the spiralling of theories going on in my mind)

releasing moc as books? a dream and a half, i can say that much slkjdlgkjlkf but back to the sirens... how many are out there? we heard early on that hongjoong was looking for ‘the last five’ but then seonghwa debunked that and said that was a mistranslation over time that was passed down and such, but beyond that, we don’t really know much about sirens as a whole? there are some hints in the galaxies and planet descriptions but if that dream sequence is a puzzle, i would say we have a handful of pieces that can be put into place based on what we’ve learned so far!!!!

Okay I lied, I am ready to unpack a little of the ✨emotions✨

When hongjoong explained that hwa tried to stop San only for San to detain him and in a sense make him watch the scene unfold. And then realising hwa had to go through that again, only being even more helpless. I don't doubt hwa loves San, but to see the events happening again, with someone he clearly loves as much as he does yn even if he also loves joong, and to see the desperation and determination must have been just. Horrible. Just absolutely soul breaking horrible. I can imagine him vowing to himself after San that he would never let something like that happen again. That of any of the crew got out of control like that, that he would fight harder to stop them. That he would would do absolutely everything in his power to stop it. And then being helpless as he watched yn do it. Just pure heart wrenching pain. And it must have been beyond terrifying to see someone you love ready and determined to kill themselves partly from rage and partly from desperation. With the backstory, that scene becomes almost as cruel as the warehouse scene with San. The only redeeming quality is no one needing life saving surgery in a time crunch, otherwise they would be the same level of ✨never again✨

honestly i think the two crew members i torture the most are san and hwa bc i just keep putting them thru all this shit and hurting them so much but really this was the defining point of why seonghwa was so afraid. before we kinda just knew he was afraid of yn and hongjoong was mad about it. in this revelation we get to see the source of the trauma and how it was amplified by it being someone he loves as dearly as he loves yn. and for sure when first reading that scene of yn and jisung in the brig, it’s meant to evoke a sense of anger and rage like yn is so angry to a point where she would do this sort of thing, but my hope with that scene was also to show that desperation. that when looking back at it after having already seen the rage and the aftermath, that reading it again shows how desperate and hopeless she was in that moment. which is exactly the same emotion that was evoked back in that warehouse scene with san, except it was relayed differently because the warehouse was a more immediate sense of desperation. this brig scene was meant to emulate that but in a slow burn kinda way where the veil of realization is pulled off after the fact and not in the moment!!!

Just to make sure you don't misunderstand. Those asks were compliments. You are an absolutely incredible writer. And the fact that you aren’t afraid of hurting your characters *cough cough* SHOOTING SAN?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!!!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? *CLEARS THROAT AGRESSIVELY* just makes the story much better. No one gets plot armour, making it more realistic (?) and really draws in the writer and sorta imitates the fear and desperation the characters feel

PLS don’t worry, i live for every moment and i live for these open and raw and genuine conversations i didn’t take any as an insult i PROMISE!! i think part of the nature of this whole trope of space pirates and criminals is that hter is no guarantee of safety! i don’t wanna have to cut corners to make sure everyone stays unharmed and undamaged throughout the story when the nature of the world i’ve built thus far is a wildly dangerous one!!! i always say that i try to be as realistic as i can, all things considered, and i think that’s the biggest thing that adds to the ‘realism’ in my mind so im so happy to hear that you see it and appreciate it and enjoy it!!!

OHOHOHOHOHOH ALSO

YN GRIPPING SOMEONES HEART??? YOU WRITE THAT SO FUCKING WELL. LIKE ENIGUH DETAILS THAT WE KNOW WHATS GOING ON, BUT ALSO NOT SO MANY DETAILS SO IT GETS DETACHWD FROM THE STORY. LIKE THE LACK OF CLEAR SUPER MANY DETAILS REALLY MADE IT THAT *YOU ARE EXPERIENCING THIS, NOT JUST READING IT* LIKE IT MADE IT WAY MORE EMOTIONAL AND OERSONAL AND THE READER REALLY GOT IMMERSED IN THE MOST HORRIBLE WAY THAT KUST MADE IT ALL RHE MORE BETTER. ALSO JOONG AFRAID????? JOONG REALISING HE GOT A FULLY FLEDGED HEART RIPPER SIREN WHO CANT CONTROL HER BODY TO MOVE THROUGH A HARMLESS DOOR BUT CAN DEFINITELY KILL IN A HEARTBEAT (OR TWO 👀) ALSO THE CONTRAST OF REMOVING RHE BLOOD COLOURED WHITE OLASTIC AND HAVING A CLEAN HAND UNDERNWATH. THE SYMBOL OF IT ALSO BEKNG A TRASH CLEANERS SUIT. LIKE SHE WASN'T SUPPOSED TO ACTUALLY USE THE TRASH PROTECTION DUIT FOR ITS INTENDED PURPOSE. ALSO THE OART WHERE SHE SAYS SHES FINE EVEN TJO SHE ISNT. AT FIRST I READ IT AS HER TELLING HERSELF TO LIE BUT THEN I REALISED ITS HER ADMITTING SHE VERY MUCH ISNT. AND SAN NOT KNOWING???? AND KISSING HER HAND AND UGH AND SEONGHWA KNOWING. I BET HE'S LOWKEY GETTING MORE AND MORE AFRAID OF HER. LIKE YN IS READY TO KILL HERSELF AND ANYONE AROUND HER TO KEEP SAN SAFE. AND SHE INSTICTUALLY GOES FOR THE MODT AGRESSIVE METHOD POSSIBLE. IHHHHHHHHHHHHH I FUCKING LOVE YOU AND YOUR WONDERFUL WTITING AND YOUR TWISTED MIND THAT CAN CREATE ALL THESE FUCKING SCENES THAT GOT ME THUNKING AND FEELING ✨EMOTIONS✨

truly one of the HIGHLIGHTS of the chapter simply bc of how shocking and sudden it is!! for me, that was one of the easiest scenes to write in the chapter, oddly enough? it was something that when it came time to write it, i knew how i wanted it to be and was able to just sit down and write it out the way its written in the final draft of the chapter. i really love playing with those aspects of fiction and storytelling. tangible to a point, without spelling it out. i think it’s obvious that i really love delayed realization in writing, but i really like playing with how the brain processes information and for me personally, i don’t pick up on things right away! i can realize them in a snap or it can take me a bit to go ‘oh god that’s what happened’, and i like playing with that in y/n’s character a LOT.

and in that same vein of thought, there are some layers to that scene as well when compared to the door scene. in the door scene we saw hongjoong clearly tell y/n ‘you need to do this to save san’ yet she wasn’t able to do it despite trying and believing hongjoong. then in the heart scene we saw y/n clearly tell herself ‘you need to do this to save san’ and she did it then. so there’s a lot at play in that parallel alone too. and with that internal monologue she has of im fine vs not fine, then san kissing the hand that touched a literal real actual beating heart for me that was a sort of self indulgent scene and i was really worried about it coming across as too cheesy or something like that, but that is something that’s gonna impact y/n as a character and her relationship with san when they have the conversation of ‘oh hey i put my hand through a man’s chest for you’

i think part of why this chapter was so difficult to construct and write as a whole definitely is because of all the undertones and nuances throughout, and in a lot of ways it’s so so much to even think about that it’s almost too much packed into one chapter alone, but even if you don’t pick up on all the nuances throughout, i’m hoping to revisit them and bring them back around in that delayed realization style again bc that’s one of my favorite things to do ofc :3