#honestly I kind of stopped logging in

[yanakkie]

I'm probably going to put my Otherkin experiences on a different website moving forward. That way they're not bogged down by all my Pokemon reblogs and they're more easily accessible.

I'll just have to figure out WHAT website I want to put it on...

[livingdeaddoctor]

would that knowing the thoughts were irrational would Make Them Go Away!!!!

[servuscallidus]

.

[funsizedshark]

people reducing abstract (psychopomp) to "omg a song about roadkill" oh i know you've never had to drive on a poorly lit country road, realizing your headlights are the only thing between you and the dark inching its way on the asphalt........... feeling distinctly out of place with your monster made of metal in the middle of nature........... knowing youre just as part of nature yourself but youve chosen to distance yourself from it........... hearing your heartbeat in your ears as you grip the steering wheel, ready to swerve, knowing that if something chooses to cross the road you might not avoid them in time. knowing you have to try anyway

[quarterlifekitty]

I just read the baby trapping HC’s… what if it was the reverse? reader baby trapping THEM

I think that depends entirely upon how cleverly you went about it! I’m gonna answer this with the assumption that they match your freak on the matter lmao

cw: dubcon, baby trapping

And as a preamble: it’s literally so easy for you. For any of them. Because quite honestly if they’re hard, and you say you’re on birth control, they’re gonna believe you. And really, most of them probably would’ve just assumed you were if you let them hit it raw. But we’re gonna say you lied about being on the pill for this ask.

Gaz is such a sweet guy. He’s literally just like “I’m happy if you’re happy, love” when you tell him the news. These things happen, and he has no reason not to believe you, right? What does it matter as long as you’re both happy?

Soap has his suspicions about it. But again, it’s not like he was really pressing you for reassurance that it was safe when he came inside you— when he gets like that, the dog in him takes over and there’s no stopping him. And maybe he’s not sure initially, to be honest, but then he thinks about a little bundle that has the same eyes as you, and he just can’t bring himself to be upset. Even if you are a liar.

Ghost, regardless of how he feels on the news, is going to investigate. He can’t help himself. Fucker is nosy. And you would’ve known this! So you’ve got it all set up for him to find. Water glass on your nightstand, the drawer just slightly ajar— not even enough to see inside, but enough to make him curious. He opens, sees the round of pills, and the timing all checks out. All taken right up until recently— when you tested positive. And you’re not careless to leave them in the trash. They were flushed. And from before that— you have drawer in the kitchen where you often shove the stray contents of your handbag. And there are receipts. A few months worth, from the pharmacy, with exactly what you bought. If you have a menstrual/symptom calendar app on your phone, it’s all logged. There are notifications in your reminder app telling you to refill your prescription. A number in your contacts that matches up with the doctor listed on the prescription. It’s the fact that it’s too neat that tips him off. Every piece of evidence he could’ve ever asked for is there, and that’s how he knows it isn’t natural. And it makes him smile. It’s touching— how much care you put into securing him in your life forever. Kid’ll be a terror, with the two of you as the parents. Too capable.

Price had a feeling in his gut when you told him you were on the pill. He thought about pulling out just to see how far you’d take things. In the end, finishing inside of you was like calling your bluff to him. He’d be fine with waiting a month or two to see if he was right. In the meantime, he’ll be looking at paint swatches for the nursery.

König is not looking a gift horse in the mouth. But if he does find out, he’s actually grateful. Saved him the trouble of asking you to have his baby, which was just one of a few questions wracking his nerves when it came to you. And this provides him the perfect opportunity to ask you to marry him! Doesn’t have to torture himself with sussing out your ring size, the kind you’d want, waiting for just the right moment. He asks you when you tell him you’re pregnant— it’s like everything is coming together. It’s a fairy tale ending for him!

Nikolai confronts you when you tell him that you’re pregnant. There’s a sly smile on his face. He teases a bit. Isn’t that just so strange? That you’d be unlucky enough for that tiny little chance of it failing was enough. And he has a way of making you squirm, of prodding you until you tell him what he wants. You can’t help but smile when he smiles, feeling a little giddy. He makes it seem all light and cute— so you do spill the truth. And he’ll pick you up and spin you as he laughs. His malyshka is so naughty, isn’t she? Lying to him like that, like he wouldn’t find out. Like wouldn’t give her a baby just as soon as she asked. Like he wasn’t planning on pulling a similar move in the near future.

[idkyetxoxo]

Cregan Stark - Everyday

Summary - Cregan Stark is the embodiment of power and untamed beauty, a man who commands attention. His wife finds herself utterly consumed by his presence, unable to resist the magnetic pull of her fierce husband. In his arms, restraint is not an option—only surrender.

Pairing - Cregan Stark x reader

Warnings - Sexual content (smut!!)

Word count - 2781

Masterlist for Cregan • House of the Dragon General Masterlist.

Anytime I'm alone, I can't help thinking about you. All I want, all I need, honestly, it's just me and you.

My husband is nothing short of a force of nature—a man who commands attention with every step he takes. 

I count myself among the fortunate few, graced by a marriage that most maidens can only dream of. 

The stars had aligned for me, for I had found my match in a man of extraordinary strength and heart.

Cregan Stark—he was no mere man. He was a vision of raw power and untamed beauty. 

His presence alone could steal the breath from your lungs. Tall, broad-shouldered, with dark eyes that seemed to hold the weight of the world, he was everything I had ever desired and more. 

A fierce warrior, a devoted lord, and a husband who made my heart race with a single glance.

One morning, as I strolled lazily through the snow-dusted courtyard of Winterfell, I was interrupted by a sight that made my pulse quicken. 

There, in the far corner of the yard, was my husband—shirtless, a rarity in this bitter cold. 

I stopped dead in my tracks, mesmerized. His muscular frame glistened with beads of sweat, his movements powerful and controlled as he chopped wood with effortless precision.

I watched, captivated, my heart thudding in my chest. The sight of him, so commanding and yet so intimate in his labour, was nothing short of intoxicating. 

The snowflakes that fell around us seemed to pause, the whole world holding its breath as I admired the magnificent man before me.

Unable to tear my eyes away, I took a step forward, crossing my arms over my chest as I bit my lip, trying to reign in the desire that surged within me. 

"Dear husband?" I called, my voice barely above a whisper, a playful edge to it.

He paused mid-swing, his piercing gaze locking onto mine. A slow, confident smile spread across his face, the kind of smile that could melt stone. 

His broad chest expanded as he took a breath, his muscles flexing as he leaned casually on the massive axe he held, as if the task at hand were no challenge at all.

"Yes, my love?" he asked, his voice rich with warmth, the corners of his mouth still tugging upward.

I couldn't hide the way my eyes wandered, tracing the outline of his chest, the faint glisten of sweat on his skin, the strength in his arms that could easily break wood—or any obstacle that came between him and those he loved. 

"Why have you taken up such a task yourself?" I asked though I knew full well the answer was likely less about necessity and more about the sheer force of his will.

He wiped the sweat from his forehead with one hand, still holding the axe in the other, and shrugged nonchalantly. 

"A mere distraction, my sweet," he replied with a gleam in his eye, effortlessly splitting a log in half, the wood yielding to his strength as if it were nothing more than kindling.

"A distraction?" I teased, unable to suppress the playful glint in my eyes. "Or an opportunity to look so... ravishing?" The words slipped from my lips before I could stop them, and I felt the heat of my own words burn in my cheeks.

His brows arched in that way of his, the one that told me he was intrigued—and perhaps a little pleased with my flattery. 

He tilted his head slightly, studying me with that same intensity that made me feel like the only woman in the world.

"Ah, you flatter me, my love," he said, his smile deepening as he set the axe down, clearly aware of the effect he had on me. 

And I, utterly lost in him, couldn't help but relish the feeling of being so completely captivated by the man I had married.

The evening had descended upon Winterfell, cloaking the castle in a deep, silvery night. A chill had taken hold of the air, but inside the great hall, the fire burned bright and warm. 

The room had been filled with lords and advisors, their voices heavy with matters of war and strategy. 

Yet, amid the debates and discussions, there was only one man who commanded the room without ever raising his voice: Cregan Stark.

My husband stood at the head of the table, the very embodiment of authority and strength. His posture was straight, his presence magnetic. 

Every lord, every noble in that room, hung on his every word. Cregan's dark eyes flickered with a sharpness that cut through the noise, and when he spoke, his voice was like the rumble of thunder—low, powerful, and impossible to ignore. 

He was the Lord of Winterfell, and every inch of him bore the weight of that title with ease. There was no hesitation, no uncertainty in his command. His power was undeniable.

I watched him from the far side of the room, mesmerized by how effortlessly he dominated the space, how easily he commanded respect. His every movement was deliberate, his every glance a reminder of the fire and resolve that burned within him. 

His presence radiated strength, and in that moment, I was overwhelmed by the sheer force of his masculinity. He was magnificent, fierce, ravishing, and yet entirely at ease with himself.

When the last of the lords had filed out of the room, their steps echoing off the stone walls, I found myself unable to tear my eyes away from him. 

He stood still at the head of the table, his broad shoulders squared, his posture as proud and powerful as a wolf in the wild. 

The way he stood, so effortlessly commanding and unyielding, made my heart race.

As the heavy wooden doors creaked closed behind the last of the lords, I knew it was my moment. I crossed the room quickly, my footsteps light, almost hurried, as if I couldn't wait another moment. 

Reaching the door, I locked it with a soft click, my pulse quickening as I turned to face him.

Cregan was already looking at me, his brow slightly furrowed in a question. He hadn't moved from his spot, his gaze steady, but there was a flicker of curiosity in those dark eyes. 

His expression was unreadable as if he were waiting for me to make the next move.

I stood there for a heartbeat, the air between us thick with unspoken words. I could feel the heat of the fire on my back, but all I could see was him—my fierce, beautiful husband. 

He was still dressed in his dark furs, the black of his cloak flowing over his broad shoulders, his chest rising and falling with the steady rhythm of his breath. 

He was the very image of strength, of power, and of a man who had conquered not just lands, but hearts—mine included.

I swallowed my voice barely a whisper in the stillness of the room. "Cregan..." His name fell from my lips like a prayer, as if it held all the reverence and awe I felt for him.

His lips curled into that familiar, knowing smile—the smile that told me he knew exactly what I was thinking. The smile that made my heart skip a beat.

"You seem... eager, my love," he remarked, his deep voice low and almost teasing.

I couldn't help but laugh softly, but it was a sound filled with longing, a sound that came from somewhere deep within. I took a step toward him, my eyes never leaving his. 

"How could I not be?" I replied, my voice thick with desire, my chest tightening with the magnetic pull he always had over me. 

"After watching you command a room full of lords, so fierce and so...ravishing." I paused, the words tasting sweet on my tongue, and then added, "You are something else entirely, Cregan Stark."

He chuckled a low sound that reverberated through me, making my knees feel weak. His gaze softened just a fraction, though the power he exuded never wavered. 

"Is that so?" he asked, taking a slow step toward me, the power of his presence like a wave crashing over me.

My breath hitched in my chest as I felt the distance between us close. I could see the glint of amusement in his eyes, but there was something more—a deep, smouldering heat that burned just beneath the surface. 

He was just as affected by this moment as I was, even if he tried to hide it.

By the time he reached me, my knees felt like they might give way, and still, he hadn't touched me. I ached for it, for him.

I reached out, my fingers brushing the furs of his cloak, feeling the strength of him beneath my touch. 

"You've made me lose all sense of restraint," I whispered, my voice barely audible, yet laden with yearning. I took another step toward him, and now there was no space left between us. 

And then, there was no distance left—my body was pressed up against his, my skin alight with the feel of him. 

His heat seared through the layers between us, and I wanted to strip them all away, feel the raw intensity of him against me, inside me.

Cregan's eyes darkened, and for a moment, I could see the battle in him—between the man of duty and the man who was all mine. 

But before I could speak, before I could beg for more, he moved, his hand gently cupping my face as he leaned down, brushing his lips against mine. 

The kiss was slow, deliberate, and impossibly deep. It spoke of everything we'd kept buried, of the wild, untamed hunger that had been simmering between us all along.

In that moment, I knew. There was no resisting him. Not now, not ever. 

This man—this fierce, ravishing, untamable force of nature—had consumed me. He had captured my heart, my body, and my soul. 

And I would let him take it all.

"I need you," I murmured against his lips, already tearing away the layers of fabric between us, my hands shaking with the desperation that had been building all day. "I need you so bad."

His voice was a dark rasp when he finally responded, the words sending a shiver of anticipation down my spine. "Well, my sweet, I'm in no position to deny you."

In one swift motion, he lifted me effortlessly, his strength making my breath catch in my throat. 

He laid me across the dark wood of the table behind us, his eyes locked onto mine, filled with a possessiveness that made my pulse race. "Not now. Not ever."

"Good," I gasped, my chest rising and falling with every breath as he began to kiss his way down my body, his mouth leaving fire in its wake.

My hands roamed over his torso, seeking the hard, aching length of him. When I found it, I stroked him slowly, the sensation sending a soft moan from his lips that echoed in my very soul.

"Please," I whimpered, my voice trembling with need, my eyes never leaving his as I begged for more.

He nodded, his breath shallow, his expression a mixture of control and the primal need that mirrored my own. 

He positioned himself at my entrance, and the moment he entered me, I felt it—a flood of satisfaction, of relief, of pure, unadulterated pleasure that washed through every fibre of my being.

The rhythm he set was savage, the power of his thrusts unrelenting. Each movement was a slow burn of bliss, a relentless pleasure that stole my breath, that made me ache for more. 

The way he filled me, the way he moved in and out of me with such force, was nothing short of divine.

Loud moans tumbled from my lips as his hips slammed against mine, filling me completely before pulling out entirely, only to do it all over again. 

Each thrust, each pulse, was pure ecstasy. I felt as though I was floating, lost in the waves of sensation, consumed by him.

Tears gathered in the corners of my eyes, the pleasure so intense it threatened to overtake me. He saw them, his gaze softening just for a moment before he spoke, his voice low, rough with need.

"Am I hurting you, or can you take it like that, love?" His words were like fire, fanning the flames that already raged inside me.

I nodded quickly, unable to trust my voice, unable to do anything but surrender.

"Please," I finally managed, the word barely a whisper as I clung to him. "Don't stop."

And he didn't.

The world around me seemed to fade away as he continued to move inside me, each stroke sending shocks of pleasure through my entire body until everything blurred into one overwhelming, scorching sensation. 

My legs trembled beneath me, unable to keep steady, and I gripped the edge of the table for support, but there was no escape from him, from the power he wielded over me.

He was unrelenting, his thrusts precise, building me higher and higher, teasing me with the promise of something even more. 

Each time he withdrew, I felt a pang of longing, a desperate need to feel him deep inside me again, to be filled, consumed. But then he would return to me, faster, harder, taking me to places I didn't even know existed. 

My body was on fire, wracked with pleasure, each motion of his hips drawing me closer to the edge.

"Don't hold back, love," he whispered, his voice dark with desire, pulling me closer, his hand sliding between us to trace delicate circles over my swollen, aching clit. 

The sensation sent a jolt of electricity through me, and I couldn't hold back the desperate moan that escaped my lips.

"Please, please..." I whimpered, my mind lost in the haze of sensation, my body trembling violently.

"Let go, my sweet," he growled, his own breath ragged as he felt the change in me, as I began to unravel under his touch. "I've got you."

And then, just as I thought I might shatter into a million pieces, he pushed me over the edge. A wave of pure, unadulterated bliss crashed through me, my back arching violently as the pleasure consumed every inch of me. 

My body trembled uncontrollably, my legs spasming, my entire being lit up in a way I had never known.

I couldn't stop the cries that spilt from my lips as the climax ripped through me, leaving me breathless, every muscle in my body twitching as the world spun around me. 

His name fell from my mouth in a breathless whisper, my body shaking beneath his touch, consumed by a heat that left me utterly undone.

He didn't stop, didn't give me a moment to recover before he was right there with me again, pushing me further, making me feel things I could hardly comprehend. 

I was dizzy, disoriented, and yet he made me crave more, made me beg for everything he had to give.

When I finally came down from the dizzying high, my body still trembling, I felt like I couldn't stand. 

My legs were weak, shaking beneath me, and I knew there was no way I could move without him. His arms wrapped around me, lifting me gently, as if I were something fragile, something precious, and it only made me feel even more vulnerable, more exposed, more entirely his.

He held me as though I were the only thing that mattered, his touch softening, but the heat in his gaze never wavered. 

I was overwhelmed by the intensity of what had just happened, and in that moment, I was completely, utterly grateful. 

Grateful that someone like him—someone so beautifully, exquisitely perfect—was mine.

I leaned against him, unable to steady myself, my heart still racing. He kissed my forehead tenderly, his lips warm against my skin. 

"You are incredible," he murmured, his voice thick with emotion. "So beautiful."

I looked up at him, my chest full of wonder, and I felt a soft smile tug at my lips. I couldn't even find the words to express how I felt—how overwhelmingly, impossibly thankful I was for this. 

For him. That he, the man who had taken me to the heights of pleasure, who had made me feel more alive than I ever had before, was here with me.

"You're everything," I whispered, my voice trembling with the weight of everything I couldn't say. 

And in that moment, I knew I would give him every part of me—my heart, my body, my soul—because he had already taken me beyond anything I could ever have dreamed of. 

And he wasn't stopping. Neither was I.

He giving me that good shit that make me not quit, that good shit. Oh, he give it to me, everyday, everyday, everyday.

A/n - This is lowkey feral but like the song—the concept—it's too perfect...the minute the idea formed in my head I basc dropped EVERYTHING to write this so yw xx

Cregan tag list - @veesuguru

[shroomyv]

ᢉ𐭩-MARK BEING A (CUTE) BOTHER

Pairing: mark grayson x f!reader

Synopsis: mark being a little shit while you’re trying to actually get productive work done.

Warning: probably a tad bit cheesy but who cares

A/N: omg I’m finally writing a story where mark isn’t fucking/getting his brains fucked out say wahhhhhhh. Anyway, just a lil domestic/fluffy lil story while I work on some bigger ones. Nobody can convince me that mark wouldn’t be cute annoying, NOBODYYYY 😞…(I loaf him sm…)

“Shew shew-“ you grumble as Mark keeps smashing his face against yours while you’re busy working. Your fingers clack away at the keyboard trying to get done as quickly as possible he just bothers you.

“How does this have anything to do with all your telekinesis crap or something,” Mark asked in an annoyed tone continuing to bother you—he wanted to have fun with you while he was free but for once you were the one busy. He was kind of getting a taste of his own medicine.

“Because it just does, now go before I kick your ass.” Powers or not, you still had to do paperwork like anybody else suffering on earth. You said before pushing his face away. That had him intrigued now. How did you even plan to kick his ass, he knew you were just talking shit but now he wanted to see it. So, he kept bothering you.

Whether it was poking at your face, leaping in front of your computer, or making annoying noises in your ear. He saw your eyebrow twitching more and more as you were losing patience. He wanted you to try and fight em. So he kept going.

You finally sprung up—you had had enough of his shit.

“One last chance, go away, Mark” you said squinting your eyes at him trying to seem as serious as you could.

“Not a chance, babe.” He said with a smug grin on his face holding out his arms. He was basically mocking you—wanting you to “do your worst”

You had leaped onto him like a damn cat knocking both of you on the floor as the tussle began. Now, the hard part began—you actually had to kick his ass…

A smirk flew across his face. He knew you had given in—as you began to roll around on the ground with him and tussle now. You two were like a log going back and forth. One second—you were on top of him. The next second—he was on top of you.

“Cmon babe…you’re really gonna kick my ass?” Mark said with a soft smile trying to get you to fold just from his face. You were on top of him in the moment holding him by his shirt collar as you had paused for a second. You honestly wanted to lean in and give him a little smooch but you had to keep your word and kick his little smug ass. Sadly, that wasn’t working out that well (never was going to) so you had to resort to empty threats.

“Mark! I will literally never ever ever kiss you again if you don’t give up like right now!” You threaten as he doesn’t believe it for a single second. He picked you up tossing you on the bed before leaping right back on top of you. He held you tight this time trying to make sure you didn’t move or win as you squirmed like a fish out of water

He was pecking kisses at your face every few seconds. He wasn’t letting up one bit. You loved how sappy he was, like a little puppy. You honestly almost lost for a second, stopping to stare at him. His brown eyes were like a trap for your heart. However, you had stopped for him wayyy too many times before—if you didn’t finish this paperwork now, it wouldn’t only be overdo (once again) but it’d just pile up again. You had to be a person of your word and kick his ass. He was probably gonna let you win anyway.

“MARK!” “Nuh-uh,” you two were back and forth about who was in charge. You sighed using your powers to your advantage just as he was, you were forcing his body to stay on the bed while you finished working. Mark knew he could’ve fought back or pulled through, but he let you have this little win.

“Lemme up-“ mark asked trying his best to annoy you so you’d give in

“No” you weren’t buying his shit for a second not letting up one bit

“Lemme up-“ mark continued the cycle the entire time you worked…he was trying his hardest to be insufferable

You two were just back and forth the entire time you finished your paperwork. Eventually, you were finished freeing him from the hold your powers had on him at the moment. You stood in front of him with crossed arms. “Kicked your ass and finished my paperwork.”

He just rolled his eyes before leaping on you again as the cycle of endless tussling began right back up again. He had let you win the first time since he didn’t even attempt to fight back against your powers. But this time…he’d redeem himself and win. You let him do exactly that—melting into his kisses like butter. He held you tight against his chest as if he never wanted to let go. You’d be a little asshole just like he was earlier.

“Lemme go,” you asked sarcastically

“Nope,” Mark said with absolute seriousness in his voice

“Lemme-“

“Nope”

The back and forth began once again.

Silence filled the room are you two were absolutely content with each other. You were in his hold and he had you held near and dear. It then hit you in the face that Mark mentioned something about the correlation of powers and paperwork. How he said “the two had nothing to do with each other so why’d you have to do paperwork for it 🤓”

“Mark…” you said softly waiting for his response

“Yes babe?” He was all ears for what you had to say to him.

“Have you been doing the paperwork that Cecil has been giving us—or should I say you?”

Silence filled the air…he wasn’t doing any paper work what so ever…

“Get your ass up and do that paperwork…” you said gently but your face was honestly so stern it had him tense up for a second

“Yes ma’am” he said as he placed a kiss on your head before moving over to the desk to begin his paperwork. He had a shitload to get started on and you’d make sure he finished every little bit before you two had fun again.

He was stubborn and so were you—a match made in (hell) heaven.

a/n: (ik for a fact he would duck and dodge every bit of paperwork he’d have to do…😭)

[fashion-runways]

okay it's been over a year and i keep saying i'm going to make a new post and it's too exhausting to even think about the whole thing so i keep pushing it-- here's the link to the old post if you want a more detailed thing i wrote back then.

anyway, a year ago, out of the blue, our apartment got raided by the police, they broke our front door, they broke a bunch of shit inside, they took a bunch of our stuff, they barely gave us answers or an explanation, they took my dad and made it seem like he would have to sign some stuff and answer some questions and come back, but it's been over a year (since june 2022) and he hasn't come back, and his case is still up in the air. they're barely working on it. they didn't pay for all the shit they broke, they haven't returned all the shit they took, we had to spend a lot of money on that, i had to take a loan to buy a new computer so i could keep working and studying, on top of spending even more money on basic needs for my dad in jail and lawyers, plus blood pressure and anxiety medications, plus he's old and he was scheduled an eye surgery that he obviously couldn't go to so he's like, practically blind in one eye now, also new clothes for him to wear there (there's a bunch of rules for that), honestly i already lost track of how many things we had to pay for. it's been incredibly stressful and it still is even now that we've gotten used to it. he's been detained for a year for something that they still don't even know if he did and the case is barely moving, i don't know if they're like... i don't know, waiting for the man to die in there since he's already old so they don't have to admit they don't have enough proof for all the mess they made? i don't know. like i said back then, please don't ask me for details on the case or show up in my inbox trying to play tiktok true crime and guess what he did/didn't do. it happened a few times and it's extremely triggering, please don't. please.

this blog is basically my job. it's my primary source of income, i don't have anything else, no matter how many interviews i go to, in the country/city i live and in the state our economy is, if you don't have contacts it's impossible to get a job. i'm always signing up to free programs to learn new things while i don't have a job, try to make my cv bigger, but it doesn't matter. if you don't have someone saying “please hire my friend/family member” or you don't have 500 years of experience, they won't. so like i said, donations people make to this blog are how me and my mom (and my pets) stay afloat. it's what we use to pay for food, general groceries, transportation, electricity, wifi, water, gas, health insurance, stuff for my dad in jail, meds for my mom who has diabetes, food and meds for my pets. i don't go out much, i haven't gotten a haircut in a year, i barely spend money in anything that makes me happy except once in a blue moon when i stop feeling guilty lmao i had a redbubble account also that helped a little too, but last week it got suspended without an explanation as i was uploading new designs, so i don't even have that now. i made a new account on teepublic, but all my designs in high quality are locked behind redbubble and i can't even log into because of the suspension. it's... complicated, and it's a lot, but it is what it is.

i'm always keeping an eye out on new collections, new designers, new cool things. like i said, i love fashion, i studied fashion, and i know a lot of you use this blog as inspiration whether it's for yourselves or for your art, so i don't want to post all similar stuff all the time, i want to post all kinds of styles and brands as much as i can. which is why when i say if you like this blog, if you want to support me, sending even the smallest amount of money helps me keep going. living in latin america, the exchange rate is kind of insane, so truly any amount of money donated helps. unfortunately, i never stop needing money to survive and help keep my family afloat, but in the past year more than ever.

as usual, my kofi link is this one: https://ko-fi.com/fashionrunways and my (new) teepublic link is this one: https://www.teepublic.com/user/dinah-lance. if my redbubble account gets reinstated, i'll add that link eventually too. and as always, thanks for loving this blog and for loving fashion like i love fashion, even when i post crazy looking stuff, and thanks for helping. you have no idea how much your support helps, but it really does, i don't even know if i'd be alive right now if it wasn't for this blog.

[shanxing-wu]

spoilers for hsr 3.2 story below the cut

my thoughts on some screenshots i saved while playing at 3am

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS

phainon, i think everyone was expecting you to be the one to study his body........

mister "that immortal body soaks up damage like a sponge. trust me, i've tested it myself".

mister i was the first to sign up for mydei's keeping up w/ star rail.

ok but his angry face is so cute i forgive him 🥰

if phainon is the one who EVERYONE is relying on to recreate/reincarnate the people of the new world according to his "perfect memories"... would there just be a sudden increase of people who look suspiciously like a certain kremnoan crown prince? who might share similar features or demeanors? and the aforementioned crown prince's reincarnation is a perfect, exact, MIRROR IMAGE replica of the previous cycle. i know this guy does not stop thinking about mydei for a SECOND. we're all doomed.

dan heng's mission log.... "they will be just fine. i sincerely pray so."

thinking about dan heng carrying trailblazer in his arms, desperately doing everything he can to save them. and to think that he inherited all of dan feng's gifts for cloudhymn magic, prowess with a spear– everything. except for healing.

i'm so curious about the full story of the previous cycle and who all those chrysos heirs were! and it's so interesting to me that they left the death coreflame for last, whereas it seems like in our present cycle we're leaving kephale coreflame for last? (or aquila, but i honestly think it will be kephale since it's kind of just... marinating idk...)

also curious about the chrysos heirs that became cerces and mnestia. were they lovers before they became titans? was this a love that transcended lifetimes, broke the chains of the cycle? after learning the story of polyxia saving her sister's life, it wouldn't be the first instance of love being that powerful.

(now i want to write fic about that happening with phainon and mydei. the voices...)

so what if i cried

i like to think, with this extreme close-up framing on his eyes and the way he stares longingly into the distance... the phaidei shipper in me thinks he's talking about phainon when he says "til the miracle descends." that here, at the border of life and death, fighting with everything he has not to give into death, he still trusts that phainon will be the one to deliver the miracle to him and release him from this cycle of endless fighting and deaths.

my first thought was that he's asking if aglaea is dtf here. and i thought: in front of all the dead gods? 😭 i honestly believed we were about to get another "competition in the hot baths" scene.

as a child of divorced parents myself.... this felt like two divorced parents talking about their son 😭

miscellaneous thoughts:

do NOT ask me how many times i had to replay the dialogue when cipher was on screen. i could not stop staring respectfully at her thigh strap. (i was actually really not interested in her design at all until i met her in 3.2. and discovered that i'm weak. so incredibly weak. and gay.)

phainon giving epic, emotional, dramatic speech in front of the entire population of okhema: mem mememem memem mem MYDEI memem mememememem

the casual lore drop that hysilens is dead?? are we not going to talk more about that, castorice??

i loved this story so much. it confirmed so many of my theories but left me with so many questions still???

so many great cameos. mydei and trianne. ACHERON.

THE ENDING WAS INSANE??? CONFIRMATION THAT DESTRUCTION IS THE THIRD PATH? LORD RAVAGER??? WHAT?

in my opinion 3.1 is still my favorite story update (i'm incredibly biased for mydei), but 3.2 was still incredibly fun and jaw-dropping and beautiful. i'm already counting down the days til 3.3.

[kasagia]

I love you... I am sorry III

Pairing: Aleksander Morozova/The Darkling x fem!witch! reader Summary: Your past is catching up with you, Aleksander regains his full powers, and everyone around you says you're losing your mind. Too bad that they didn't notice that you went mad agea ago. Aleksander Morozova's Masterlist ~•♤♤♤•~Main Masterlist ~•♤♤♤•~ Part 2 ~•♤♤♤•~ Part 4 ~•♤♤♤•~

"How did you do that?" Ulla asks you as you both hunt for food in the forest. You move slowly through the trees, keeping an eye out for any movement in the bushes in the distance or the audible sound of a deer or a wild boar.

"What?" You ask, stopping. You close your eyes and focus on the sounds around you. You place your hand on the tree trunk next to you and focus on its energy, the tips of its leaves fluttering in the wind and the veins in its roots. You open your eyes when you locate a deer nearby and nod to the black-haired one to follow you.

"Dragging Aleksander here with us. Mother was convinced that we would go alone with Alina and her retinue. And yet he actually ordered them to take him with us on this journey."

You shrug at her words and prepare your bow when you manage to spot deer tracks in the snow. You slowly follow the trail, telling Ulla to be quiet. A few seconds later, a whistle pierces the forest as you hit your target with an arrow.

"I'm not inside his mind. I have no idea what made him decide to come with us." You sigh, feeling the woman's gaze on you. She throws the small game you'd hunted earlier over her shoulder and helps you carry the deer to your camp.

"That's the kind of crap you're telling my mother. I know perfectly well that he changed his mind because of you. You avoid being around him like the plague when he doesn't have a gag, and he keeps looking at you like a desperate, furious, kicked puppy. Just blurt it out and say what you did."

You want to roll your eyes at her, but you keep any hint of your irritation to yourself. Your hand instinctively goes to your bare neck—the place where the glass heart pendant once rested. And Aleksander's blood. You don't know what he did with it, and honestly you don't want to know.

Lately you've been overcome by... a feeling of emptiness. Numbness. Not of your limbs because the magical properties of the heart necklace have left, but... of your soul. You've had it a few times before, usually during the winter-spring equinoxes. Ordinary people had the biggest endorphin surge then. You, on the other hand... let's just say you found your way better in the darkness and shadows of the longer nights... not because of one Shadow Summoner.

"He annoys me. I don't need to be around him anymore, so I don't. Besides, I'm almost certain that he's planning my painful, long, torturous death this way. At the hands of the volcra or his nichevo'ya—I'm not sure yet." You shrug and fall silent as you approach the camp.

You frown when you see that the fire is almost extinguished, and there is not a single living soul around it. Strange. Very.

"You two are like two stubborn donkeys. When will you realize that you really…"

"Stay behind." You tell Ulla and release the deer. She gasps from the sudden burden but makes no further sound at the sight of you acting strangely.

You approach the fire and use your boot to sweep away the ash that was left there from the burnt branches. You wrinkle your nose and uncertainly reach for a log to throw it into the fire. You crouch over the barely burning hearth and blow, throwing in a handful of dried herbs from your hip bag, causing the fire to suddenly ignite with a living flame. And in the process, you remove another witch's spell.

You gasp as you are suddenly pinned to the ground, a hooded figure looming over you, now holding a dagger to your neck. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Baghra, Alina, her loyal friends tied up next to the Aleksander, right where you left him.

You snarl as the witch presses the dagger to your neck, drawing your attention back to her.

"Jelena. We haven't seen each other for a long time. How long has it been? An age? Two?"

"What betrayed me?" She asks dryly, completely ignoring your attempts at decent conversation. Rude. You mentally prepare yourself for a fight with her.

"The seal under the ashes. If you can't cast a spell without drawing your weird markings, just don't do it." You mock her as she presses the dagger to your skin

You hiss in pain, crimson-black blood running down the column of your throat, drawing the younger witch's attention. Jelena bulges at you, her hand on the dagger trembling as she surveys her handiwork.

"You are vulnerable. It can't be real…" She mutters to herself in shock, scanning your blood as if it were a living stream of water in the desert.

"Not so vulnerable." You gasp and use your magic to throw her off of you. You sigh, pressing a hand to your neck and feeling the sticky blood on your fingers. "I still have a few tricks up my sleeve. So if I were you, I wouldn't taste me. What do you want?"

"Kill you. Just like practically all of the witches from Ravka and Fjerda."

You snort at her obvious statement, watching in relief as she tucks the dagger into her boot. It's nice that for old times' sake she decided not to slaughter you with such a primitive tool. Ulla's searing gaze reminds you that you need to be quick with her if you don't want the young Morozova to enter this interaction uninvited.

"Oh please. I'm not that popular." You joke, earning a slight twitch at the corners of her mouth. You sigh, sitting down by the fire and nodding for her to do the same, ignoring the stares of your forced companions. Especially the one with exceptionally dark irises. "I thought you had finished your hunt for me a long time ago?"

"It's nothing personal. The Great Witch has a bounty on your head. And I need the money they offer for your head. I happened to be passing by and heard your name. I decided to try my luck."

"And they say it's a bad thing to gossip." You mock your bonded companions. "Since when does Reyana want me dead?"

"The leadership in the coven has changed since you were gone. Reyana is dead. Luke has taken command."

"That son of a whore..."

"Believe me, I hate him more than you. But I need this reward, Y/N." She says, sending you a serious, meaningful look. You sigh, knowing exactly what you need in exchange for her 'loyalty' to you.

You stand up and go to Nikolai's bag, rummaging through his things, pulling out a pouch of gold and playing with King Ravka's coins, looking from under your lashes at your old companion.

"How much does he value my head then?"

"5 thousand gold bars for your heart. And thousand for your head."

You scoff at the absurdity of the amount. You fiddle with the purse a little, casting a spell of limitlessness on it. You sigh, closing your eyes as you use up a significant portion of your powers on such a… trivial thing. You knew perfectly well that Jelena didn't have the strength or resources to acquire such a spell. None of the lesser witches did. But you were no ordinary witch…

"Nice. Maybe I could give them to him myself; it would be more rewarding than watching over those spoilt children." You mumble, sitting down by the fire and throwing the purse at her.

She raises her eyebrows, turning it over, trying to spill all its contents. When she sees that the coins are not running out, she raises her eyebrows, gives you a wicked, wolfish grin, and puts it in her bag.

"Since when have you been dealing with kings and queens?" She asks curiously, nodding at the people she has trapped.

"Since when circumstances force me." You mumble and dig into the pocket of your coat. You lean in and hand her a roll of paper, text starting to appear on it. “Here. An illusion spell. Strong enough to trick Luke into thinking you gave him my head and not some farmer or criminal’s.”

"He'll kill me if he finds out I've deceived him. Why would I help you and make him believe you're dead?"

"Who said you knew it wasn't me? Sell him a story; you can lie, right? You'll have your money, and I'll have peace... for a while. We both know I'm stronger than you. You would never win anyway. So take advantage of my generous and good heart and leave. Or I will make sure you won't be able to."

"Smart. And cunning. But watch yourself. There are many besides me who will try. And when no one succeeds… Luke himself will come for you." She warns you and stands up, dusting the dirt off herself.

"Oh I know. And I can't wait." You promise her, the dark, cold tone of your voice sending shivers down the young witch's spine.

"By the way, your boyfriend is cute. I understand now why you killed half of our coven for him." She adds with a wicked smile, nodding her head in Aleksander's direction. "If he didn't stink of you so much… I might still be tempted." She says, licking her lips.

"He is centuries older than you." You growl at her, fighting the blush that wants to bloom on your cheeks at her words.

"Has that ever stopped us?" She asks cheekily, waving at you before disappearing into the fire she started. You giggle, finally letting yourself lose control.

You take deep breaths and press your hands to the ground as a trail of blood begins to run down your nose. Damn necklace. The lack of it has weakened you more than you thought it would.

“What the fuck was that?” Ulla asks, being at your side sooner than you’d like.

You take a few ragged breaths, feeling her gently brush your hair away from your face and soothingly rub your back as shivers run through your body. You were too old for this shit.

"The past. And too much use of magic. Don't worry, lapushka. It'll pass… in a few hours." You assure her and place a hand on her shoulder, standing on wobbly legs. "Take care of these idiots. I need to take a nap for a while." You say and trudge to your tent.

Aleksander's glance is duly ignored by you.

“Will you stay for dinner?” Aleksander asks you, trying to control little Ulla who was running around the room, already setting the table for three.

“Will you stay forever?” His little sister asks you, completely ignoring her brother. You laugh, amazed at how happily she welcomed you just hours after you first met.

You kneel down to be at her height and send a few dust butterflies her way, cleaning the table that has been unused for a long time.

"I will stay as long as you want me to." You declare solemnly, to which Ulla throws herself into your arms with joy, chattering about how she will finally have someone suitable to play with dolls, because Aleksander, with his too low voice, is not suitable for pretending to be a princess.

You smile, stroking her dark hair. You lift your head to take a glimpse at your lover, but instead of seeing that beautiful, tender look he gave you whenever you and Ulla had one of these interactions, he looks at you with a blank, distant gaze. And from the shadows gently swirling in the corner of the room and his clenched fists, you can tell that nothing pleasant is on his mind.

"Ulla, go get some bread from the kitchen. Y/N, she must be starving after this exhausting day." The girl nods on command and runs excitedly for food. You know perfectly well that her obedience will not last long. She will disappear the moment her excitement dies down. "Don't promise her such a thing."

"Why? Are you bored of me already?"

"Because we both know perfectly well that sooner or later you'll leave us." You open your mouth to start arguing with him, but he continues, not giving you the opportunity. "You... won't be living as long as we will."

"Aleksander..." You mumble and try to put a hand on his shoulder, but he pulls away from you before you can.

He grips the back of the wooden chair, barely sparing you a glance, and your heart aches to see him going back down the old paths of isolation Baghra had led him down.

You won't let him do that though. Not after he's claimed you as his. You walk over to him and gently cup his cheek in your hand, briefly appreciating the way his delicate stubble teases your skin before you pull him in for a kiss, momentarily dispelling his dark thoughts and the shadows he's unwittingly let loose.

You loved kissing him. His soft lips against yours, the quiet sighs every time you tenderly caressed his cheek, his hair, the way he trembled under the smallest act of your undeniable love and tenderness. You loved him. Madly. To death. Sometimes so much that it worried you how much power he had over you. Almost as much power you had over him.

"I promise you. I will find a way. I AM finding a way. And I will stay forever. Even if I have to claw my way into eternity, I'll fucking do it because I love you. More than anything in this saint-forsaken world." You whisper shakily and press your lips to his in a silent promise.

Aleksander wraps his arms around you, enveloping you in a tight embrace as he presses you against his chest, hiding you from the world in the safe warmth of him around you. He buries his face in the crook of your neck, allowing himself to be vulnerable with you - rare moments that you hold close to your heart.

"I... just don't give her false hope... and me." He mumbles against the skin of your icy neck, sending shivers down your spine from his warm breath.

"My dear Shadow Summoner... I will never leave you. I promise. Nothing will take me away from you. Neither Baghra nor death." You say, stroking his hair and pressing a kiss to his temple.

"I would be careful with Baghra." He mumbles a quiet warning against your ear, and you giggle, pressing kisses along the line of his jaw.

"I am not scared of shadows anymore." You promise him tenderly and capture his lips in a gentle, slow kiss, enjoying the way he entwines his hand in your hair and pulls you as close to him as possible, as if he wanted to make sure that really no force would tear you away from his embrace.

"I love you. I will always love you." He whispers against your lips and rests his forehead against yours, inhaling your scent deeply.

"I love you too."

Your bubble of peace only lasts for a moment. A few seconds later you hear quick, small footsteps as his sister returns.

"I found honey!" She exclaims happily and places the jar in the middle of the table, right next to the bread.

You give her a smile, ignoring Aleksander's embarrassed blush and destroying his attempts to explain the small supplies of their pantry by announcing that you're going fishing tomorrow. After all, they had to eat something.

As it turned out later, you had never been happier than that night, eating bread with honey in the company of the two people most important to you.

"So? Who was that?" Alina takes you out for a chat as soon as you leave your tent.

You look around the clearing, seeing Zoya and Nikolai sitting next to each other with bowls of food, Ulla writing in her book next to a still-tied Aleksander, and Baghra watching it all from a distance with a sneer on her face. It's a good thing Feydor, Ivan, Genya and David had the decency not to stare at you like the rest of them did when you went closer to the campfire for food.

"I have no idea what you're on about." You mumble, rubbing your aching temples and with a grateful smile you take the plate of food from Ulla. Deer. Oh the irony.

"No? So who immobilized us all 4 hours ago?"

"Maybe Ivan was having a bad day." You say evasively, biting into the meat. You really had the feeling that you were going to kill more than just that deer today. You wonder how much the world would miss Alina Starkov.

"Y/N…" Ulla starts, giving you one of her damn looks that you can't refuse. Bitch. She must have learned that from her brother.

"You have your past and I have my past. You don't need to know anything more."

"But our past does not threaten our mission." You raise an eyebrow at Alina's words and cast a significant glance at Aleksander - your first in weeks. You freeze as his dark irises stare back at you.

Another mistake you made today. You think to yourself as you let yourself drown in the blackness of his eyes. And you see many things there. Betrayal, pain, rage, but also... concern. For reasons obvious only to saints, he cared about what happened today. He really cared.

Before you can escape to the safe materials of your tent walls, Ulla unties the gag and ropes binding Aleksander. (The condition he was here under – he was to have shackles blocking his powers and a gag if he tried to throw another fold. They only took them off when you were nearby to eventually stop him.)

Your delayed reflexes cause you to stand, but you don't get very far before his cold, commanding voice echoes through the camp.

"Stop."

You freeze. Your heart beats a few times, but you don't turn to him yet, your gaze goes to the forest path that could take you far away from here and this uncomfortable conversation.

"Don't even try." It's like he reads your mind. A second later, he's standing right behind you, grabbing your arm and forcing you to turn to face him. You lift your chin, giving him an emotionless look, silently hoping he can't feel your heartbeat through his grip on your wrist. "Who was that?"

"My friend. Old one. From my last coven." You answer as briefly as you can, trying to ignore the way he stares at you intensely, as if he wants to rip the true, better answer out of your soul through your eyes.

"That's what I heard. Same with the part where she talks about how you killed half of them for me. Why?

A shiver runs down your spine, your heart clenching at the dry, indifferent way he asks you the question. So you do the one thing you do best – you enter a self-defence mood.

"None of your fucking business." You growl, practically spitting angrily in his face.

He raises an eyebrow at you, the tension between you so palpable that out of the corner of your eye you see Alina nodding at the others to move away from the two of you, clearly taking them out of the potential path of your mutual rage.

And good. You've never desired more to hit him ever before. To sink your claws into his heart and make him suffer as you did. To send him the darkest curse you have in your books. To leave him as miserable, as abandoned, as hurt, as angry as you have been all these centuries without him.

He deserves that for being a hypocrite. He... he had no right to worry about you when he was acting like this. So cold to you. Like nothing ever connected you. Like you where nothing to him.

"Everything you do in my name is my damn business. But let's move on to more pressing matters, why on earth was she able to hurt you? Why were you bleeding? I thought you were beyond… that you were insensitive to any attack."

"It's none of your damn business anymore." You repeat firmly, seething with rage that he has the nerve to be outraged at you for allowing yourself to be hurt. Like you're begging Jelena to put a dagger to your neck.

"Y/N..." Ulla's warning fades beneath the rush of shadows across the clearing.

His burst of power is so sudden and so fast that you can't block it, not with so much emotion churning inside you. And the bastard took advantage of the moment perfectly.

As if from a distance you can hear Ulla and Alina's screams as she tries to shine her light through his shadows, but Aleksander is stronger even than the Sun Summoner with her amplifiers.

Which is logical. He's had centuries of practice.

Without your necklace, all you can do is stand there, dazed by the sudden darkness around you. And though his shadow creatures growl around you, though you should be looking around frantically for a way to escape from him, all you can do is look into his eyes as he maneuvers you and pins you to a tree with his body.

You see many things in his eyes. Fury, rage, spite, and resentment, most of all. He wraps his hand around your neck, tightening it, reopening the wound that had somehow healed itself during your brief nap.

He watches the blood run down the column of your neck, staining his fingers. His grip on your throat tightens. You grunt and snort, fighting for air, but he doesn't seem to notice at all. He stares at your red and black blood, completely ignoring your gaze.

"Go on. Kill me. Do it." You hoarse into his face, his grip on your neck tightening.

Shadows circle around you like crazy, you can hear the others' cries in the distance, but they're effectively muffled the moment he leans down and rests his forehead against yours.

You freeze, completely unaware of what's going on. How can he be so hateful towards you one moment and then… hold you so gently, like you're still the only thing in this damn world that matters to him?

"You're a damn poison. A plague. How many times... how many times when I think I've finally gotten rid of you, you come back and…" He sighs, and you feel his breath tremble slightly as he traces the wound on your neck with his index finger. "I've dreamed of killing you as many times as I have of having you in my arms again."

The confession catches you off guard a little. You wonder if he wants to sweeten your death with sweet lies, but you know Aleksander. He doesn't lie. He just avoids the truth that's inconvenient for him, but he's never lied to you... unlike you.

"Same here." You mumble as your noses brush.

His lips so close to yours, memories of the days when you had every right to press your lips against his, to feast on him like he was the best delicacy in all of Ravka. He was still... just not yours anymore.

"I hate you." He whispers, shattering your heart into another thousand little pieces.

"I know." You answer, swallowing hard. After a while he pulls away from you. No hesitation. No trembling. As if pulling away from you was as easy as pulling away from a stranger. A slip in his composed stance. That was all you could count on.

The lack of his hands on your body, the cold without his touch becomes something much more uncomfortable than his gentle strangling of your neck. You wonder what would be better, death by his hand, as he holds you, or without him, living each day alone with the ghostly memory of his touch. Indeed, there are fates worse than death.

"Never again… never give it to me again." He says and pulls your necklace out of the pocket of his kefta. The glass heart with his blood rests on your neck again. He gently lifts the material of your shirt and hides it under it, covering it with his hand. Your heart beats like crazy under his palm. Pathetic how small and helpless you felt under his slightest touch. How desperate you were for him like a dry well for water. "I don't want… don't leave me. Not you."

"But you hate me." You mumble, unable to meet his gaze. Not if you want to maintain some dignity and not cry in front of him.

"And I've known you too long for you to die before me. Just like everyone else."

If he knew that with each such confession your heart was dying in longing for him, he didn't seem at all merciful today to spare you them. Or maybe he just didn't want to be merciful to you anymore.

"I have no intention of dying after you." You respond with a challenge of your own, congratulating yourself internally as you see his gaze harden and his hand involuntarily clench into a fist. It felt good to know you could hurt him as much as he could hurt you. That you still affect him...

"You killed those witches… to gain the spell to create this. Yes or no?" He asks, his hand tightening on the glass necklace hidden under your shirt.

You swallow, looking away from him. He’s having none of it. He grabs your chin and forces you to look at him properly, to confront the pieces of your past you’ve desperately wanted to keep from him.

"Yes." You mumble, unable to stop yourself from leaning into his touch.

"You are a monster." He responds, stroking your jawline with his thumb as he looks at you with a faraway gaze, thinking intensively.

"Everyone with as many centuries lived as we do is one." You state, undaunted by his accusation.

All was fair in love and war.

And when you were at war with Ravka, Fjerda, with the whole world against you, when he and Ulla were everything to you... what else could you have done? Nothing. If you could turn back time, you would go back and do the exact same thing.

Love could make you crazy, reckless, selfish, monstrous, but if you could live another day with Aleksander... you would do the same and worse. Much worse. You could do anything in the name of your love for him.

Even kill yourself.

Even live for him forever.

"Who is chasing you?" He asks, but seeing you turn your head away from him again, he cups your cheek and forces you to look at him properly. He leans in a little, his fingers unconsciously caressing your skin, which burns from his touch. And you want, no, you CRAVE more. So much more… "Y/N."

Your name falls like a whispered prayer from his lips, so tender, so different from the way he treats you now, so similar to the way he whispered it in the middle of the night and pulled you into the safe embrace of his arms.

You almost cry. You almost cry for him; you almost cling to him, crying your heart out, explaining to him the sacrifices you've made for him, how many enemies you've made by giving him your heart and yourself completely. But you don't. No, knowing he'll pull away from you the moment he gets the information he needs.

You weren't that much of a masochist.

"It's none of your business. I'm not yours. And you're not mine either."

You don't know who you're reminding of this, whether it's him, yourself, or both of you, but after your words he goes back to his cold demeanor towards you.

"You're right. Sometimes I forget about it." He pulls away from you as if burned.

You feel him shrinking the number of his shadows, letting his power hide again. After a moment, a blinding light appears instead of his shadows, and then you are back in the clearing, Aleksander, as usual, an ocean away from you.

"Good job, Alinochka." He praises her, giving her one of his smirks that once made you melt. Now it makes bile rise in your throat.

You know perfectly well that he's saying this specifically to hurt you, to show you the truth of your words. To prove to you that after all these centuries he has moved on and is truly no longer yours.

But that didn't mean it hurt any less.

And when you see Alina staring at him with the same inscrutable, angry, and lovesick gaze you had all those centuries ago at the beginning of your relationship, you know one thing.

You were slowly getting tired of apologising to him for loving him.

It's been ages. It felt like ages. I hope you enjoyed it! Any comments/messages/hearts are greatly appreciated and thank you so much!!! If you want to, let me know what you think 🥰🖤🖤🖤

Taglist (I hope everyone who wants to be here is here): @aoi-targaryen @chelseyyouraverageluigi @watersquirtpewpewboomm @summersummoner-pat @barnes70stark

@zeeader @the-desilittle-bird

@thepassionatereader @budugu

@sinistersnakey @diaries-of-a-hopelessromantic

@aryhyuuga

@oh-thats-cute

@meadows5

@dreamtheatre

@sinistersnakey

@lovelydoveval

@shatteredheartofdarkness

@m-ichelles-world

@ariesmai

@flostvs1508

[otissbluebearshirt]

Can we get an Only 1 Bed fic- for whoever you first think of

The Motel - [ Sonny Carisi ]

Summary: You and Sonny arrive at your motel only to find out that your room…only has one bed

Word Count: 2435

Warnings: female!reader, fluff

Masterlist | Sonny Masterlist

It was late by the time you and Sonny arrived in Pennsylvania. Too late to do anything other than check into the nearest, cheapest motel and hopefully get a few hours of sleep before you had to head off again to track down your suspect. Normally in cases like this, you’d have both gotten your own rooms to venture off to sleep in, despite having been partners for years and experienced a hell of a lot more together than a simple slumber party.

However this time, things were a little bit different in that particular department. For starters, the motel you’d come across was small. Like a mere handful of rooms, kind of small, meaning that by the time you had arrived and checked in, there was only a single room left on the entirety of the property.

It wasn’t that surprising honestly, given that it was the time of year when everyone was venturing off on their road-trip vacations and stopping to sleep in every single town they passed through. It didn’t bother you either. You were that exhausted you could have happily slept on a log on the side of the road if it meant getting to close your eyes for even just a brief minute.

Luckily, that wasn’t the case here as you’d managed to secure that last room for yourselves. There was only one slight problem, though. One you didn’t see coming and one the check-in clerk had seemingly forgotten to mention. Or he had simply assumed you and Sonny were a couple therefore neglected to, and that was…

There was only one bed.

“The check-in guy didn’t think to mention that?” Sonny muttered with a minor grievance the second he followed you inside the rather stagnant motel room, closing the door behind him and sliding the safety chain securely into place.

By the time he turned around, you had already set your bag on the large double bed and taken your coat and shoes off, your toes wiggling against the worn-out old carpet as you stretched them out from being stuck in your boots for almost a full twenty-four hours. He glanced around him as you did, his lips falling minutely as he reluctantly set his bag atop the small, barely even a couch, loveseat that he gazed questionably at.

Now there’s something that would be less comfortable than a roadside log, that much he was certain of.

“I guess I’ll take the couch,” Sonny exhaled, slipping his arms from within the soft warmth of his coat as you spun around to face him, your brow furrowing deeply as your eyes landed on the ‘couch’ in question.

You let out a laugh, “Sonny, are you crazy? You’re like seven feet tall, there’s no way that will be comfortable… You take the bed, let me sleep there.”

Lifting your bag from the bed, you moved towards him and picked his up from the arm of the chair, holding it out for him to take. He refused, causing you to sigh exasperatedly as you shook it, widening your eyes to try and encourage his stubborn ass to take it from you.

“Absolutely not,” Sonny protested, raising his hands up as though he were surrendering — when in reality it was simply to stop you from shoving the bag into them. “My mother would smack me upside the head if she found out that I made you sleep there.”

“Who’s gonna tell her?” You tilted your head questionably, finding amusement when Sonny simply frowned in response. He hadn’t thought about that. You set the bag down, its weight from whatever the hell was in it causing your arm to grow numb, and you chuckled, “That’s what I thought. Now move your skinny ass, okay, I’m perfectly capable of sleeping on a couch for a couple of hours.”

Like a child, Sonny shook his head and refused to move so much as an inch away from the couch. He even shoved you away and instead directed you back over to the bed, the back of your legs hitting against it frame and causing you to lose your balance. You fell onto it softly, the springs squeaking beneath you as you straightened and did nothing but watch Sonny lift a blanket from the back of the couch and begin unfold it.

Even the blanket didn’t look big enough to fully cover him, and you knew he wouldn’t sleep so much as a wink tonight if he stayed there. But you also knew it would be pointless to keep arguing with him. He was stubborn, and proud, and you were far, far too tired to keep going relentlessly back and forth with him. So instead you gave in, unzipping your bag with a quiet sigh and grabbing what you needed before heading for the bathroom.

When you ventured back out after doing your nightly routine as best you could, Sonny was already lying rigid on the couch, like he was afraid to move so much as an inch incase the blanket slipped off the small part of him it actually covered. You deposited your stuff into your bag in silence then sat down on the edge of the bed, folding your arms as you drew your eyes along the entire length of his body.

“Sonny, seriously…” You began, gaining his attention and noticing the way he seemed surprised to see you. As though he’d been hoping to be ‘asleep’ by the time you got back in order to avoid the very conversation you were about to begin. “The entire lower half of your legs are hanging over the arm of that couch, will you please let me sleep there?”

“No way, alright? I’m fine,” Sonny replied, almost sternly as he shuffled a little more then sighed contently — which was obviously forced as boy was he uncomfortable. “See, I’ve already got myself settled.”

You scoffed, “Yeah, it really looks like it.”

“Will you just forget about me and get some sleep, please?” Sonny gestured to the bed, “You’re running on fumes and besides, we’ll only be here for a couple hours anyway.”

“Fine,” You sighed, standing up from the bed and rounding it to the side furthest from the door.

You pulled back the covers, giving the bottom sheet a quick once over for any stains or creepy crawlies that may be lurking beneath it. You were honestly tempted to pull out a black light and check it properly, but then again you’d rather not think about what that would reveal and instead, decided to just bite the bullet and get into it. Only, before you could slip in between the cold, crisp sheets, you caught sight of Sonny stretching. He let out a rather rough sounding groan as he did…then nearly wrecked the coffee table by almost falling off the couch.

“If this is how it’s going to be with you all night, then I’m going to go out and sleep in the car,” You said, folding your arms as you peered over at him, watching as he fixed himself back into the cushions and glanced towards you apologetically. He then grew stiff as a board — as though he were afraid to move should you shout at him again. You let out a soft sigh, your shoulders sinking as you dropped your arms back down to your sides. “Sorry, I get cranky when I’m tired.”

“I know,” Sonny said, shifting a little and trying his hardest not to showcase it. But you saw him. He wasn’t at all subtle and you could easily notice the slight grimace to his features when he moved the wrong way and his calf began to tense up.

“Sonny, you’re clearly uncomfortable,” You said, fiddling with the sleeves of the hoodie you always wore to bed at the thought of speaking your next words out loud. But you knew you had to. You wouldn’t sleep at all if you knew he would be spending the entire night like this. “If you’re not gonna let me take the couch, then… Why don’t you join me?”

Sonny nearly choked on his own saliva, “I’m sorry?”

“Sleep in the bed with me. It’s big enough,” You said, gesturing to the large bed that would be far more comfortable for a man of his height. And Sonny knew it. He’d been eyeing it up from the moment he entered the room, yet he still almost looked like he was about to throw up. At that you raised your eyebrow, your tone turning playful so quickly, it almost gave you whiplash. “What? Are you scared your mother might find out you’re sleeping with a girl?”

“My mother? Nah, but my grandma…” Sonny widened his eyes a little as he shook his head, not even wanting to imagine his grandmothers reaction. “She’s a lot more traditional than I am and sleeping in the same bed as a woman I’m not seeing is…

“Against her Catholic beliefs?”

Sonny scoffed, “You have no idea.”

“Well I’m not gonna tell her,” You said, climbing into the bed and resting on your knees. “And I know you’re definitely not gonna tell her, so why not? We’re both adults. We’re perfectly capable of sleeping in the same bed together if it means we both actually get a few decent hours of sleep.”

“I mean… I guess,” Sonny said hesitantly, scratching at the back of his head as he sat up, ignoring the way his stomach fluttered terribly at the thought of finally getting to sleep beside you. He stood up, his heart warming at the unintentionally sweet smile you gave him as he crossed the room towards you in a few long strides. He pulled back the other side of the covers, waiting until you’d settled yourself before he made his move to climb in beside you, where he immediately joked, “You better keep your hands to yourself otherwise I’m arresting you.”

You chucked softly, “I think I can manage that.”

Sonny couldn’t help the smile that crossed his face as he fell deeper into the sheets that covered you both. He already felt about a hundred times comfier than he had been on the couch, exactly like you’d guessed he would be now that he could stretch out fully. Even despite the poor quality of mattress the two of you lay side-by-side atop, the middle of which was completely free of space with the way you both hugged the edge of it, as though you were afraid to so much as brush fingers given the unspoken feelings you both had for one another.

It wasn’t that you were purposely keeping them to yourselves for the sake of misery, it was more of a… Neither of you fully realised that the other one felt the same. Everyone else did, though, it wasn’t hard to. You were both practically a couple already despite your hesitance to share a motel room, yet the two of you were simply too blind to see it. But that didn’t mean you both couldn’t feel it. It was so thick in the air around you that it would be impossible not to, but whether or not you both truly picked up on it whilst conscious was the the sixty-four million dollar question.

Subconsciously, however, well… That was a completely different story and not at all a surprising one.

You didn’t realise it until you woke up about four hours later, but you had drifted dangerously close to Sonny in your sleep. Or he’d drifted closer to you. Maybe even both. You weren’t overly sure who was at fault here. All you knew was that you were both now smack bang in the middle of the bed, your legs somehow tangled together and Sonny’s long arm draped loosely over your body. Even your head was resting on his chest, feeling as it gently rose and fell beneath you with each quiet, slumber-ridden breath he took.

You felt your cheeks heat up the split second you realised what — who — your pillow was. You had no idea how you’d even managed to grow so close to him. You were normally a pretty still sleeper so to find yourself so far from where you’d started was honestly somewhat of a shock to you. All you really knew was that you needed to move before Sonny woke up and found you like this, otherwise you’d never live down the embarrassment you’d get over him realising that you’d all but used him as a teddy bear.

“What’s going on?” Sonny mumbled, his sudden, sleepy voice making you freeze in your attempts at untangling yourself from his long and lanky limbs. He cracked open one eye, glancing down at you with such a softness that you almost melted against him, a wave of…God, literally everything you could feel at once washing over you at being caught in this position. “You tryna escape me, darlin’?”

Darlin’. Fuck, if you hadn’t been melting already, you certainly would be now.

“I don’t know how I ended up so close to you, I’m sorry,” You mumbled almost frantically, attempting to pull yourself away from him only for Sonny to tighten his arms around you.

“Don’t go anywhere,” He whispered, seemingly wide awake now as he raised his hand, drawing his knuckles lightly down the side of your face. “Stay with me.”

“Sonny, I don’t…”

“Stay,” His thumb landed on your lips and you fell silent, his eyes gazing into yours in a way that gave you such intense butterflies. “Please.”

All you could in response was nod your head and smile as you didn’t trust your own voice not to give you away, especially with the thick lump that was currently trying to force itself up your throat and escape out into the air. Sonny’s own lips curled up softly as he easily tugged you closer to him, feeling as your arm tightened across his chest and you positioned your head beneath his chin. He tilted his own down to glance at you, nothing but the top of your head visible to his tired eyes and even in that moment…

Even with him being half asleep and out of his mind, just having you this close to him without him even having to try hard to get you there, was like his entire heart had exploded in his chest. He smiled again, leaning down and without taking so much as a single second to think about it, he placed a soft kiss to the top of your head and whispered,

“Perhaps one bed isn’t so bad, after all.”

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[herdarkestnightelegance]

"Careful, I Bite"

My First - Part 1/3

Pairing: Astarion/ AFAB!Tav (you)

Warnings/tags: 18+, virginity, vulnerability, sexual tension, mature conversations and flirting, vaginal masturbation, explicit sexual fantasies (PiV), Act 1 spoilers

Length: ~ 5.5k words (they just keep getting longer, don’t they?)

Summary: Unable to resist his charms, you grow close with your handome, vampiric travel companion. Very close. The thing is just ... you've never been with anyone before ...

A/N: It's happening! My first venture into 🌶️ territory! Please know: No PHD thesis ever had this much lively back and forth and discussion as this fic! Thank you @nyx-knox for being the GOAT of beta-readers on what is basically group-project at his point and for your constant support and reassurance 🩷

Taglist: @wilteddreamsofbaldursgate , @littlelovelore, @onlyancunin @chaoticbardlady99 @ancuninfiles

:::::::

You have never felt this weird kind of nervousness before. 

It’s not the kind of suspense you feel before entering a dungeon full of goblins. It’s not the kind of pressure you feel when the eyes of your companions turn to you, awaiting a decision. No. This is a different, unfamiliar kind of stimulation to your nerves. It’s warm, yet tingly, it’s at the back of your mind constantly, making you smile one moment, then shake your head the next trying to escape the feeling. You find it increasingly difficult to think of anything else, even now while you are sitting on a log, warming yourself on your camp’s little fire. This has been going on for a few days now. And it’s entirely Astarion’s fault.

Astarion. The charming, flirty and admirably witty Vampire you’ve found yourself increasingly drawn to more and more with each passing day.

If you’re being honest … you kinda hated him when you first met. Headbutting him in the face was less than what he deserved for putting a knife to your throat! But you quickly understood that he was simply being cautious, scared, just as you’ve all been.

Everyone had been on edge the entire time as you tackled a whole cascade of challenges on your ongoing quest to find a cure: stopping druid rituals, fighting hags and harpies, vanquishing a whole camp of goblins. But throughout all of those adventures, you had noticed Astarion slowly gravitating towards you, closer and closer. And you found that you, too, were gravitating towards him. Which scared the absolute shit out of you.

When you woke up with his handsome face so close to yours that one night, you almost jumped out of your skin. His cool body hovering over yours, his breath on your neck … it immediately sent your mind - and your body - into overdrive.

Honestly? When you learned he was a vampire and that he was simply trying to drink your blood, you were almost relieved. Or … were you disappointed? You couldn’t tell. Because what you thought was going on for a split second was that Astarion - strange, intriguing Astarion - was actually trying to kiss you. And you didn’t entirely hate that thought? Right on the contrary! 

The thing was just that, well, you have never actually been kissed by anyone before.

While you were no stranger to pleasure, knowing full well how to take excellent care of yourself, you have never been in this position. With another person this close to you while you lay on your back. So many things raced through your mind when that admittedly devastatingly beautiful man knelt so close to you. You wanted to slide out from under him as quickly as you could. You wanted to slap him for not asking to kiss you first. And you also wanted him to pin you down on your bedroll and succeed in stealing that kiss from you. So badly. 

That thought was pushed to the side, though, when he revealed his vampiric nature to you. For the first time since you met on that beach, you felt like you were glimpsing a bit of him, the real him beneath that debonair facade. And you liked that he was confiding in you specifically. Those ruby eyes pleading for your help, his urgent voice trying to explain his situation, and his disarming charm, asking if you could trust him just a little further. Even though you were angry that he didn’t ask before he tried biting you, you knew you would have said yes if he had. And then …

“Let’s make ourselves comfortable, shall we?”

Your heart was racing a thousand beats an hour when you laid down back on your bedroll. You felt your cheeks flush, mixed with a tingling, cool nervous sensation on your skin. When Astarion leaned over you once more, one arm on each side of your head, you caught your breath. This felt so intimidating … so intimate. You felt exposed, excited, nervous, scared. And you wanted this. This was so unlike you. It was far more usual for you to be refusing the physical advances of others. But you didn’t want to refuse him. In fact, for the first time, you felt the exact opposite of your usual inclination. You wanted to allow him closer.

Astarion took up your entire field of vision, or at least it felt like all you could see was him. The way he held your gaze steadily made it impossible to look anywhere else. He had a soft, reassuring and thankful smile on his lips … and next thing you knew his fangs were piercing your skin. 

It hurt. At least for a moment. Your mind was racing, trying to take all of this in, all these new sensations: The ice-cold feeling of his fangs inside you, his body on top of yours, his cool lips touching and sucking on your warm skin, his increasingly heavy breathing so close to your ear, the pain … and the pleasure. 

When you felt him gently cupping the back of your head, you were about ready to actually kiss him. Feeling pressure building in your core, your legs began pressing together of their own volition, causing little jolts of lust to course through you as you felt a familiar heat rising between your thighs. You desperately wanted to wrap your arms around him, to sink your fingers into those beautiful white curls of his, give in to that delicious pain, wanting him to do more, to go further.

But instead you felt your head go woozy, snapping you out of your thoughts. No, this was too much. So you told him to stop, pushed him away gently yet firmly. You were panting, and so was he. He looked so radiant at that moment, so strong. It made you forget the pain in your neck, the way the world spun around you. He looked so happy, and you did that for him.

When Astarion turned around to leave, he stopped and thanked you, telling you he wouldn’t forget this gift you have given him. And you knew, neither would you. How in the Hells were you supposed to sleep now? After that? After you felt the weight of his body on yours, felt his soft lips on your skin, after being so close you smelled the slight perfume of … something herbal and citrusy? Gods!

You laid back down on your bedroll and for at least an hour you couldn’t sleep, your companions breathing calmly around you, unaware of what had happened. All you could think about was the image of Astarion, that little smile right before he bit into your neck, his hand caressing the back of your hair ever so slightly… 

You let out a sharp breath, feeling the slickness between your thighs. Might as well ... 

You unlaced the front of your trousers, looking around to your sleeping companions, who mercifully had either their backs turned or at least their heads facing away from you. You would just have to get this over with quickly. Biting your lips, you made yourself comfortable once more. 

Practiced fingers slid below the fabric and to the folds between your legs, finding them already wet and ready for some much-needed attention. You closed your eyes and sighed as you began touching yourself, massaging your clit as you had done many times before. The thing that was new, though, was the image in your mind: 

Ruby eyes piercing into yours with a desire so fierce it almost takes your breath away. You're lying naked next to the fire, a pale, equally naked, slender body between your open legs. And then the feeling of fangs penetrating your skin as Astarion’s cock penetrates you. A delighted smile flickered across your lips, both in your dream and in real life. “Look at you, my sweet Darling.” Astarion’s voice purrs into your ear, as he thrusts himself all the way into you, stretching you deliciously. “You are taking me so well.” Slowly he begins to roll his hips, knowing how to move just the way you want it, his thrusts quickly growing faster.

The pace of your own fingers grew faster alongside your fantasies, as you imagined what it would be like having him inside you, fucking you, filling you completely. A little whimper escaped your lips, it was hard to stay silent with your imagination running wild. 

“Gods, you’re so tight, my love,” he says as he spreads your legs even further, exposing you, watching your juices run down the inside of your thighs, angling himself perfectly to be able to fuck you even deeper, harder, more. He wants you, just as you want him. It’s almost too much, your inexperienced body barely able to handle his expert movements. And you feel the familiar coil tightening inside you. “Astarion …” you whisper, desperately holding on to his soft white curls.

“Yes, my love?”, he asks, kissing the small wounds he’s made on your neck.

“Cum … cum inside me ... please,” you beg between his hard thrusts, as you feel yourself edging towards your climax. And just as the both of you come undone in unison, and you feel him unloading his thick seed inside of you, he bites down on your neck once more, causing you to moan out his name - and it’s music to the pale Elf’s pointy ears.

Unable to stop it, a little moan escaped you in the real world as well. Slapping your free hand over your mouth, you are pretty sure it really was his name that escaped your lips into the silent night around you. But the surprise at your own sound was swept away by the waves of your orgasm as it rolled through you, causing your hips to quiver a few times, before your breath began to calm, and you fell into relaxed bliss. 

You pulled your hand free from your pants and wiped it on the grass next to your bedroll, feeling a lot more relaxed. Wouldn’t that be something, you thought as you lay down on your side. Actually getting closer to the mysterious vampire, getting to know the person you glimpsed a bit of today. Closing your eyes, you thought that, yes, you would really like that. 

Oh no. You felt your stomach drop in surprise and your eyes shot open in realization. You wanted to get to know the real him? You wanted to get closer to him? You wanted to be more… intimate with him? It was then that it dawned on you… you were slowly but surely starting to fall for the disarming vampire. 

Fuck.

:::::::

His blood was just starting to slow from his hunt, but his vampiric senses were still alert, sharper than usual. So Astarion’s pointed ears heard it before he even reached the camp. The rustling of the bedroll, the rapid breathing, the suppressed whimpers. Somebody was having a bit of fun.

Making sure to stay concealed by the darkness of the treeline, he looked towards the figures lying by the fire. Oh? Not wanting to disturb the vision before him, he stopped moving. Had anyone looked in his direction, they would have seen his eyes reflecting the soft light of the camp-fire like two tiny round mirrors. What do we have here? His ruby eyes locked onto Tav as they tried to keep their pleasured movement on the bedroll to a minimum. What a delicious sight that was. 

Astarion had known Tav had gotten quite attached to him, most likely falling for his wit and charm - and obviously his looks - as most did. Otherwise, why would they have allowed him to drink from them? And it was amazing, drinking from them, too. Astarion licked his lips at the memory. Tasting the blood of a thinking being, tasting them. It had been … so intimate. Better than he had ever imagined. He usually only pretended to enjoy the closeness of other people. But not Tav. He couldn’t have picked a better person to be his first.

Frankly, he even enjoyed their company, such as it was. And he knew they enjoyed his company as well. But this? This was a display he hadn’t anticipated. At least not yet.

Shaking his head ever so slightly in disbelief, Astarion was almost impressed by the bold endeavor: Tav, pleasuring themselves out in the open by the campfire? Sure, everyone was asleep, but anyone could awaken any moment from their little moans and catch those fingers dancing amongst their folds. If Tav was this desperate to release their need for him after he’d fed from them earlier in the night, they must desperately want him. A scheming grin grew on his face as he realized… This could work.

He was sure the others in the camp would know about his condition by morning. And knowing full well that people don’t trust vampires - perhaps understandably - he needed to be sure Tav was on his side. Tav was their fearless leader and fierce protector. They may have unwillingly slipped into that role, but they had sway with and the trust of everyone in camp, including him if he was being honest. If Tav kept him under their wing… he wouldn’t get flocked or kicked out. He’d be the first one protected, heard out in every conversation, involved in every plan the group made, and therefore… powerful by association. Safe.

All it would take would be what he had done for 200 years already: some casual seduction and an offer for one night of mind-blowing ecstasy to lock himself into that kind of ideal position. 

Tav’s breathing grew faster then, the smell of their arousal and pumping blood slowly beginning to fill Astarion’s head, breaking his concentration for a moment, his attention now fully on the show in front of him. It was then, as Tav climaxed, trying to suppress a moan, that Astarion heard it. Clear as day. Between the whimpering and exhalation: His name, cried from their lips.

And just like that… Astarion had laid out his nice, simple plan. Oh this would be easy.

:::::::

The next morning you could barely bring yourself to look him in the eye. He was your - almost - innocent traveling companion, and you had thought of him for your dirty little fantasy. You knew this was going to drive you crazy! So you promised yourself you would stop this, trying to cushion the fall as you were definitely falling for him. But when Astarion asked you how you’ve been feeling after the bite, with his trademark smile and his charming words, your nice, simple plan fell apart instantly when you heard yourself offer your neck to him again for tonight. As he happily accepted, your heart leapt in your chest.

Things only progressed from there. Between your party’s adventures, the fighting, tending to each other's wounds, laughing with (and sometimes about) Gale, and watching Shadowheart and Lae’zel bickering with each other, you and Astarion … connected. As you began to share your stories, laugh more at each other’s quippy jokes, indulge in witty banter with every conversation that sparked between you two, you started to see more of that man that you had glimpsed that night he first bit you. Beneath the well-crafted, snarky, and charismatic facade was someone who had endured horrors you couldn’t even imagine. Beneath his undeniably stunning looks, you saw the whole picture - the flawed, broken, resilient, complex person that he was. You began caring for him so deeply, more and more each day. You were falling for him… oh, you were falling for him hard.

Many nights you spent taking care of the desire that Astarion had been fueling inside of you. It was almost embarrassing how much you were pining for him, each night in your bedroll by the fire or in your tent, where you so often wound up with shaky legs and wet fingers. You imagined his hands were the ones roaming over your body, knowing every sensitive spot, his fingers sliding inside you, curling just right, making you gasp and shiver with pleasure. And his voice in your ear, whispering all the filthy things he wants to do to you, will do to you. He was inside your head, and you truly began to yearn for him to be inside your body, too.

Oh, how your body reacted to him whenever he was close and Gods, you really hoped he could not sense it. When he chose to sit next to you by the fire, even though there was plenty of space elsewhere, you imagined his hand sliding around your neck to pull you into a deep, passionate kiss. When he would pick pieces of foliage - or goblin guts - from your hair or stand so very close to you while helping you into your armor, you imagined him pulling you behind the closest tree and taking you right there and then. And the fact that he was so openly, outrageously flirtatious with you, and only you, saying all the right things at the right time, didn’t help either. It drove you crazy with confusion, with adoration and with desire.

So when a celebration was in order after your party had succeeded in vanquishing the entirety of the goblin camp and its leaders, you found yourself sauntering over to Astarion’s tent. You were nervous, more so than ever, but there was a strange confidence roaring within you. With spirits so high, the blood still running hot from today’s victory, you felt this might be the night. You wanted it to be. And you wanted it to be with Astarion.

You were sipping from his wine bottle to calm your nerves, when he actually, finally, suggested that the two of you could make your own entertainment. It was like the surrounding music faded away, replaced by the sound of your blood pumping in your ears. The honeyed words from Astarion’s beautiful lips promised you things that made your knees weak.This was what you wanted, what you had been waiting for.

So … you agreed. 

Part of you even appreciated that he made it clear where the both of you stood at all times. He told you that he liked you, that he came to enjoy the whole package, assured you that if you wanted to - and you did - the two of you could lose yourself in your own little piece of nowhere. But he never promised it would be a committed arrangement. And honestly, with the tadpole inside your head, the descent into the Underdark before you and with the whole party looking to you as their leader, you kind of appreciated that there were no strings attached.

When you found yourself walking through the trees and brush towards the clearing after everyone had gone to bed, you felt equal parts excited and nervous. Yes, you wanted to do this, you wanted for your first time to be with Astarion, but that didn’t mean you weren’t scared as all Hells. From everything he’d told you, from the way he came on to you, there was no question as to how experienced he was and what he expected to happen tonight. “And I do mean sex, to be clear. We’ve waited long enough.” And that you had indeed. You’d waited long to find a man you felt this good with, this close and attracted to. 

So when you stepped into the clearing and Astarion came out from behind the tree trunk bare chested in only his breeches, your mouth ran dry at the sight of him. Gods, he was the most beautiful person you have ever seen.

“There you are…”, he said, and your whole body trembled at the sultry sound of his voice. You could see it already - lying on the soft grass beneath him, under the stars, allowing him to kiss you, touch you, trusting him to take you places you’ve only ever been in your wildest fantasies. “I’ve been waiting…”, he continued. “...Waiting, since the moment I set eyes on you. Waiting to have you.” 

His voice was so deep and sensual - but suddenly the nervousness in the back of your mind began to overwhelm you. Had he? Had he really been waiting for you? Your already pounding heart began skipping a few beats at a time, fluttering at the thought. What if … you disappointed him? What if he left this clearing tonight feeling as though the wait hadn’t been worth it?

And just like that, you were not so sure about this anymore. Oh no.

You couldn’t do this, could you? Look at him! He’s beautiful! Were you beautiful enough for him? Why was he even looking into your direction with Shadowheart and Wyll around? You’re absolutely no match for them. And he clearly knows what he’s doing and what he’s expecting is likely far more than you can give. What in the Hells could you possibly offer him? What if he didn’t like being with a novice like you? What if he didn’t like what he saw when you lay naked in front of him? Gods, you wanted him! But how much fun and pleasure would you be able to realistically provide for him, really? After all, you had no idea what to do, you have never even kissed anyone before!

You looked up into those ruby eyes, looking for reassurance, for safety, and found them… painfully devoid of that spark you came to love. You froze. His beautiful words suddenly felt so flat, calculated, and practiced. You didn’t know if it was your sudden wave of nerves preventing you from going through with this, but you knew then at that moment… this wasn’t right. No, he didn’t truly want this.

“Hold on - I’m not sure about this,” you quickly said. That seemed to bring Astarion back to you - but not in the way you would have liked.

“Then what are you doing here?” Astarion’s surprising shift in demeanor caught you off guard. You took a step back, not expecting him to talk to you in that tone. His voice almost sounded condescending, indignant. Just like that, your walls that the vampire had managed to take down brick by brick over the past weeks began rising back up again. “I thought we had an … understanding.” You took another step back when Astarion’s whole posture changed, going from seductive to dismissive. As if, now that he couldn’t have you, he had no use for you anymore and by doing so he tapped straight into your biggest worry with pinpoint precision. You felt the impossible urge to explain, to salvage whatever tonight would have been.

 “I-I know, I’m sorry …”, you stammered helplessly. “It’s just… Do you really want to do this?” Astarion tilted his head, his frown deepening. 

“Now why would you think I didn’t, after all this?” He sounded irritated as he flung his arms wide, gesturing to nothing in particular.

“I don’t know. Maybe you feel like you have to do this? Like - as payback for me letting you drink from me? Because I promise, you don’t have to, I don’t need anything in return.” 

Astarion crossed his arms and cocked his hip, sneering down at you.

“Listen, just say the word and we can call it a night.” You were desperately looking for the right words, only for Astarion to speak before you could say anything. “But if you want to back out, don’t use me as an excuse for it. You’ve wasted enough of my time already.” 

His words felt like a slap in the face.

“I’m just not sure if I can give you what you are expecting, what you want.” Gods, you hated how desperate your voice sounded.

“But why? What exactly is your problem?”Astarion kept pushing and something inside you snapped.

“Because I’ve never DONE any of this before, alright?!”

The words exploded right out of you. The amount of emotions you were feeling at that moment was overwhelming: anger at him, disappointment in yourself, sadness about how this night suddenly took such a turn. You stared at him, breathing hard, your cheeks flushing. Neither of you spoke, Astarion only looking at you with an unreadable expression on his face. 

“I… I am going back to camp,” you eventually said before finally forcing yourself to turn and leave. 

Gods.

This had been a disaster. This was not how this should have gone! This should have been a night - your first night - of passion, exploration and fun with this Elf you truly cared for - and who now was most certainly angry and annoyed with you for ruining his night. Did you overthink it? Should you have just gone through with it? What if whatever you and Astarion had built over the course of these last few weeks was now shattered beyond repair? How could you have pushed him away in a moment that should have been so pleasurable, so intimate? 

Getting sleep was not easy that night. And the next day, you and Astarion didn’t exchange a single word. You knew your companions noticed. They knew something was going on between the two of you - but they were kind enough to let the matter rest and not ask you about it as you packed up your belongings and headed towards the empty Goblin Camp to enter the Underdark. With all enemies already vanquished, the day was uneventful, which made the silence between you and the vampire seem even more deafening.

:::::::

How, how could he have missed that? Astarion couldn’t get that question out of his head.

It was the one question that had been whirling around in his head all day while the party had continued towards the Underdark, tensely ignoring the silence between him and Tav, who usually were bantering lightheartedly all the time. 

Astarion watched them as they suggested setting up the camp for the night, the last night under the open sky for who knew how long.

How had he not picked up on Tav’s inexperience? He normally could smell a virgin from miles away! He knew the shy looks, the aversion to touch and his advances. But Tav? They threw him for such a loop! They gravitated towards him. And honestly … he liked that.

Besides, he figured virgins didn’t understand pleasure, didn’t know how to pleasure themselves. But Tav obviously did! He had heard them moan his name, seen proof of their knowledge of their own body with his own eye. But most importantly: proof of their desire for him.

Astarion’s mind whirled as he paced in his tent. Why did they have to tell him that? 

It should have been so easy. It should have been a plain-and-simple, routine night of sex and pleasure for Tav. But now they had to throw him that little piece of information about themselves and… Astarion stopped pacing. He’d sworn off virgins long ago. That kind of innocence, it was too rare in the world. And after stealing it once from that sweet, darling boy… he’d sworn he’d never steal it from anyone else ever again. So he had learned to recognize and avoid virgins. His meager, unnoticeable act of disobedience to his former Master. It was the only thing he was proud of - if he could even call it that. 

And, gods, the things he threw in Tav’s face? Shaming them for hesitating? What the fuck was he thinking? Their fierce leader, who stormed into a hag’s swamp with no hesitation, had hesitated before him. And instead of guiding them … he had scolded them, even humiliated them. Astarion felt ashamed of himself - something he had never wanted to feel again, now that he was free. But he felt it nonetheless. He had to apologize. It didn’t matter that he snapped at them in frustration because he saw his plan crumble, because he was scared, because he was … disappointed. If he was honest with himself.

Because he was. He was disappointed that Tav wanted to back out. The realization hit him with a force he did not see coming. Yes, seducing them was part of his plan. Yes, he had used all his favorite lines at them. And also … yes, he would have liked to sleep with them. A feeling he had not felt in … gods know how long.

Tav had been so nervous, their heart beating so quickly and loudly Astarion had heard it before they had stepped onto the clearing. They were opening up to him. Trusting him. And he? He would have taken that trust and used it. He truly was a monster. Tav didn’t deserve this. Despite how last night went … he cared for them. His eyebrows flew up as he realized just how true that thought was.

He cared for them.

Shit.

:::::::

You sit by the fire, pondering last night’s fiasco and today’s unpleasant silence. Seeing how you’ve got the second watch, you should probably be more vigilant, but your thoughts keep going back to last night. Which is probably why you don’t hear Astarion approach.

“Hello, my dear.”, he says in a low, almost careful tone, pulling you from your thoughts. You look up at him, not sure what to expect. “Do you mind if I sit?” He motions towards the log you are sitting on, toward the place beside you that he took many nights. Always choosing to be close to you instead of choosing any of the free logs. You shift to the side, making room for him. Again, feeling him so close to you, his arm brushing yours, it sets your whole body on high alert. You still want him - but you aren’t so sure he really wants you anymore, or if you’re ready to forget the way he spoke to you. But regardless of the horrid tone he had taken you still feel that guilt and shame for letting him down.

“I’m… sorry about last night.”, you eventually say, even though part of you wants to wait for him to apologize first. He turns to face you.

“Whatever are you sorry for?” he asks, a bit surprised.

“For backing out last night. I know we had an agreement and it’s not that I didn’t want to, you know? It’s just … ” with a deep sigh you turn your eyes towards him, and you are glad to see that spark in them once again, that spark that was missing last night. “I’ll be honest, ok? I like you. I like you a lot, and … I would have loved to have spent last night with you. But … I also know I don't have much to offer you, in terms of sex. We’ve all been under a lot of stress lately, so I understand you probably wanted to let off some steam … and I’m sorry I messed that up for you.” Cheeks burning with embarrassment, you turn your gaze back to the fire. You sit in silence for a moment before Astarion speaks. 

“No. You have no reason to apologize for anything, my dear. I was quite out of line, inexcusably so. I should have relented the moment you had any doubt. I… apologize.” His words make you look towards him once more. Never had you heard Astarion apologize before, to anyone at camp, for that matter. “And I will do my best to refrain from feeding into this … thing between us, if it truly makes you uncomfortable. I will cease my flirtations, I promise.”

“What? No, please don’t?” you say quickly, unable to stop a shy smile from appearing on your face. “I … quite like your flirtations. And I wanted to spend the night with you, you know. I still do. But … let me ask you … ” The pale Elf patiently waits for you to find the right words. “Do you really want to sleep with me?” Astarion’s eyebrows go up, that surprised expression returning to his exquisite face. 

“Darling,” Astarion’s tone is affectionate, reassuring, and hearing him call you this pet name with that sweet voice of his makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end. “Are you really asking me that, after all I did? All I’ve said to you?” There is a slight edge to his voice now, though you can’t pinpoint what it is. He smiles at you with one corner of his mouth raised slightly and you half expect him to laugh, but Astarion falls uncharacteristically quiet, so you speak.

“Answer the question.” The amused smile on Astarion’s immaculate face disappears and gives way to a look of seriousness, of sincerity.

“Yes. I do,” he says in a low but firm voice. “Very much so.”

Relief floods your entire body, the tension you felt all day melting from you.

“Then … may we start over?”, you ask timidly with a smile on your face. Astarion answers with a gentle smile of his own.

“My dear. There is nothing I’d like more.”

[keikikait]

ꜱᴛʀᴀɴɢᴇʀꜱ (ɢᴏᴊᴏ x ꜰ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ)

pairing: gojo x f!reader (not au, gojo is 29, reader is early-mid 20’s)

word count: 2.6k

summary: you always wanted to be a teacher, even after discovering the jujutsu world. after graduating from kyoto jujutsu high, you decided to make your dreams a reality and teach at the sister school, tokyo jujutsu high. the only downside (and secret upside), is your teaching mentor, satoru gojo. what started as a few flirtatious glances turned into a full-blown relationship situationship. you were his, and he was yours, until he goes on a date.

warnings: (FOR THIS PART) angst?, plot with basically no porn (i’m sorry), gojo is kind of an asshole & a tease, implied dom!gojo and sub!reader, nickname use [baby, pretty girl], no use of y/n  

a note: been sitting on this bad boy for a while and decided to finish it. more parts to come (eventually). also, the comment about flirty baristas is just for fluff, baristas don’t flirt with customers (source: i am one). also also, they say tokyo jujutsu high is on the outskirts of tokyo, but i wanted everything to be inside of tokyo so i just kinda guessed, whoops.

please reblog and like, it means a lot! let me know what you think!

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧

You were just his teaching assistant. Nothing more.

At least, that’s what everyone else thinks.

Secretly, you were his. After long hours, he would find solace in your arms as you lay in bed together. 

You weren’t dating by any means, although you wanted to. You understood why, it wouldn’t be a good look for you or Gojo if the higher-ups found out about you, but you both had an understanding. You were exclusive, just not publicly. You followed his rules, turning down dates and avoiding the flirtatious gazes of baristas or waiters.

You thought he would follow his own rules, too.

It was supposed to be a fun trip; a peaceful eight days of relaxing in Nikko before returning to school after the winter break ended. In reality, it was a week and some change stuck in a log cabin hunched over a desk grading papers, freezing from the cold. The gender-segregated cabins didn’t help. It was too cold to venture into Nikko during the day, a thick layer of snow covering the ground at all times no matter how much was shoveled. It was also, as Gojo had pointed out the day before making the trip, suspicious for the two of you to venture into the city alone. It was twice as hard to be away from him at night, you had gotten so accustomed to sleeping in his arms and hearing his soft snores in your ear. You were lonely.

You could see him, though. The men’s cabin was bigger and had a massive irori in the middle that heated the entire place. You sat with him as you graded and planned lessons, and his teasing touches left you aching. You were going on 8 days without his dick, and you were dying.

As you sit hunched over the desk, trying to make out what Yuji had written on his worksheet, Shoko bounds up to the table, sliding into a chair opposite Gojo. 

“Hey, Gojo,” she says. “Are you going to the winter festival when we get back?”

You tried not to react. You had begged him to go with you, but he always gave you the same excuse; it was suspicious.

He stretches his legs out a bit and smirks. “I was planning on stopping by. Why?”

Shoko smiles. “I have this friend, Himiko. She’s new to the city and was looking for a date for the festival. I’ve been telling her all about you, I honestly think you would be an amazing match. What do you say?”

You feel your heart drop to your stomach. Although you and Gojo had agreed to stay exclusive, you couldn’t ignore that he was Satoru Gojo. Everyone wanted him.

Gojo chuckles a little, adjusting his mask. “Sure. I don’t see why not. Is she cute?”

Shoko leans over the table and shows him Himiko’s social media while you keep your head down, staring at the pile of worksheets in front of you.

You keep grading, trying to focus on your work and not the feeling of your heart tearing in two. Gojo continues laughing and talking to Shoko, their conversation drowned out by your heartbeat pounding in your ears. You wish you could ignore your jealousy, but it’s hard to ignore the anxiety creeping up your spine at the thought of Gojo finding someone else, especially if he could go public with them.

You know his reputation; the ladies' man, the bachelor. The guy no one can catch. But you know the real Gojo, the one that stays over at your small apartment even though he has his own, bigger place. The one that cuddles you every morning and whines when you try to get up and get ready.

You don’t know this Gojo. You felt like strangers.

For the rest of the day, you kept to yourself, grading papers and reading books to try to drown out the thoughts. He isn’t even looking at you when you leave the men’s cabin and head back to your own. You and the rest of the staff leave Nikko tonight, and you have one more day of freedom back in Tokyo before the new term begins.

You pack up your stuff and wait outside the bus, shoving your suitcase into the undercarriage. A headcount is done before you all start piling onto the bus. You sit in the back, pressed up against the frost-covered window. Headphones in and music blaring, you only look up from your phone when you feel someone warm sit next to you.

You’re a little surprised when you look up to see Gojo getting comfortable next to you. He didn’t sit next to you on the ride to Nikko, he sat up at the front with Shoko and Akari, claiming it would be suspicious if you sat together. He leans closer, so close that you can almost feel his breath on your neck. Then he grabs your arm, moving your headphones out of your ear.

“Don’t wear these in public,” he says in a low voice, “Someone might grab you from behind and pull you into the crowd.” He leans into you and whispers, “I almost missed you sitting back here.”

You should be mad, but you can’t be. His smell fills your nostrils and you feel yourself succumbing to him. You smile softly. “You didn’t, though.”

"I didn't." He leans back and sighs, resting his hands behind his head and stretching his arms out. You enjoy the warmth coming from him, the way it spreads through you. "What do you want to do when we get back home? We can head out to a bar and grab a drink. Or we could go get some ramen from that place you like. Or we can just go back to your place and we can spend some…quality time together.”

You bite your lip a little. You’re normally a little feral when it comes to Gojo, but going without his touch for eight days has almost sent you into a frenzy. “I like the sound of that last one…”

Gojo laughs and squeezes your hand, running his thumb along your knuckles. "And how bad do you want it?" He leans in closer until his face is inches away from yours. You can feel the heat radiating from his body, the tension in the air. "How badly do you miss me, baby?"

You can hardly think straight. Your mind is telling you to push him off, to stay upset with him for accepting that date with Shoko’s friend, whatever her name was. But your heart, and more importantly your pussy, is telling you differently.

Your mouth feels like cotton, but you manage to say, “So badly, Gojo. I’ve been aching without you. These past eight days have been driving me crazy.”

Gojo chuckles and traces your chin with his fingers, leaning even closer as his face towers over yours. "You missed me, huh? My pretty girl didn’t do so good without me, did she?" He strokes your cheek gently, smiling as you lean into his touch, feeling goosebumps rise on your skin. "Say it. Tell me what you've been wanting to tell me for the last eight days, what you didn't want to say in front of everyone."

The bus suddenly lurches and you remember where you are, on a cramped bus surrounded by your coworkers. You look around, nervous, hoping nobody caught you guys.

“Hey, what are you doing?” Gojo asks. He grabs your chin and turns you to face him. “Look at me.”

You do, nodding softly. You can’t see his eyes, but you can still feel him staring into your soul. “I am looking.”

“Then answer my question.” He says, dragging his thumb across your lips. You can hardly think straight already being this close to him, but the feeling of his thumb on your mouth is mind-numbing. 

“I missed you,” you whimper. It’s been a long eight days since you last felt his touch, since you last felt his breath on your skin. As he continues to stroke your lip with his thumb, you feel your mind melt away into a puddle. His touch is like a drug, and you’re desperate to not end this feeling.

“I know you have.” He coos, moving his hand down as someone up by the front gets up from their seat to change positions. He waits until they sit down before speaking again, “I’ve missed you too.”

You sink further into the seat, hoping no one looks towards the back. The bus ride isn’t super long, only about two and a half hours. Maybe no one would think to check on you two until you made it back to Tokyo.

He reaches over and turns your face towards him again. “But that’s not all, is it?” His thumb glides across your neck, his eyes under his mask flicking between your own and your lips. You can’t look away. You don’t want to. “What else have you been thinking about?”

You gulp, your mouth dry. "It's been so hard without you. It's hard to fall asleep...and I've barely gotten any sleep here because I stay up all night thinking about you."

"You have?" His eyes search your face as his thumb strokes the length of your neck. "I haven't had the best sleep either. I kept thinking about you, about how much I missed you. Thinking about all of the things I wanted to do to you when I got back." He takes a deep breath, his eyes flicking to your lips, his breath coming out in hot puffs of air. "You make it so hard for me to have self-control. Do you know how hard it is to jerk off with Masamichi and Kiyotaka nearby?"

You nod, understanding him completely. You had tried to touch yourself, too, hoping that your fingers would feel the same but it felt weird to do it with Shoko and Akari in the same cabin. “I know. I haven’t cum since we left Tokyo.”

He hears the soft whine in your voice and grins. "You’re so tempting," His breath washes over you as he whispers those words in your ear. His hands trail from your neck to your cheek, his thumb brushing along your jawline. "Do you know what I want to do with you when we get to your place? What I'm thinking about doing to you right now?"

The bus takes a sharp turn going down the mountain and it snaps both of you back to reality for a second. 

You notice his hands still on you. Gojo notices too and grins, removing his hands with a sigh. He leans back into the seat. "Sorry," he says, running his hands through his hair. "I was a little carried away there." He chuckles. "We have a while before the bus arrives. I think maybe I should go to the front before I do anything stupid."

You go to protest but he’s already gone, striding to the front of the bus effortlessly as it rocks side to side, plopping himself next to Akari. You sit there, your body still feeling the heat of his hands, his words still ringing in your ears. You sink deeper into the seat as you try to calm down. You watch him for a while, seeing how he talks and laughs with Akari and Shoko and the way he never glances back toward you. 

You feel like a stranger to him, yet he’s the one who’s supposed to be yours. You were supposed to be together, even though your situation is less than ideal. The bus rocks back and forth, its engines humming quietly. You lean your head back against the seat, letting out a deep sigh. Your mind races, wondering how Gojo acts when you're not around. Did he only accept this date with Himiko to make Shoko happy? Why wasn't it ever you that made him happy?

You sniffle, blinking away the tears as you pull down the food tray and prop your phone up. You put on your favourite movie, hoping the familiar faces of the characters will distract you until you reach Tokyo. Occasionally you look up at him, hoping you’ll catch his eye before he goes back to his conversation but you don’t. He doesn’t look at you once.

The movie sucks you in like it has many times before. You don’t notice how fast time is moving, silver-tipped mountains giving way to serene towns and stretched farmland. It’s late, almost 1 am, and as soon as you feel yourself starting to fall asleep you feel the bus stop and hear the driver announce your arrival, right in front of Tokyo Jujutsu High.

You look over to see him already heading off of the bus with Shoko and Akari, heading in the direction of Kabukicho, laughing about an inside joke you’ll never be a part of. You grab your bag from the undercarriage and head to the train to head back to your apartment in Taito-Ku.

The train is packed full of tired salarymen and high school students, none of whom bother you. Your thoughts drift to Gojo as the train shakes and shudders its way back home. When the train finally reaches Taito-Ku’s station, you exit the train and head down the stairs, stepping out into the frozen city. You walk to your apartment and head inside, shutting the door to your small, solitary room.

You lie awake, hoping he’ll call you, or even show up at your front door drunk. It wouldn’t be the first time. The minutes turn into hours, your eyes shifting rapidly as you glance between your phone and the door. You start to wonder if he’s thinking about you as much as you’re thinking about him right now. And what he’s thinking. You glance at your clock. 2:57 AM.

You shouldn’t feel disappointed, but you do. He could’ve at least texted you and told you he would be out with his friends for the night instead of being curled up with you watching a cooking show. You’re his, but you’re not his girlfriend. He has no obligation to do anything with you, really, but you wish he would. You wish he cared enough to want to.

Your eyes glance back toward your phone and you hesitate. You mumble a curt fuck before picking it up and calling him. The phone is ice cold against your cheek as it rings. You wonder what your contact name is on his phone. Your name? Your name and a heart? Or is it just your number, unsaved?

He answers and you can hear faint music in the background. “Hey, baby.”

You smile a little, biting your lip. “Hi. I just wanted to see if you were coming over tonight.”

You hear him groan a little, but you don’t know if it’s out of annoyance with you or how late it is. “Yeah, I was planning on it. But uh, Shoko brought her friend tonight, Himiko. The one I’m going to the festival with.”

You nearly choke on your spit. The way he was so casual about his date with Himiko made you feel sick. “Oh, did she?”

“Yeah, baby. How are you though-” His words are interrupted by a female voice in the background begging for him to come back inside. “Uh, listen, I gotta go. I’ll be home soon, okay?”

“Okay, I-” The call ends, your phone beeping at you as he hangs up. You set your phone aside, face down, as you lay back on your bed. 

You feel ashamed as you cry. Gojo isn’t your boyfriend, and he has a reputation to uphold with his colleagues. You should be fine with it, but you aren’t, and it kills you. You bury your face in your pillow as you sob, hoping one day you and Gojo can stop being strangers.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧

part two is here

[valacre]

: ̗̀➛ Give Me Some Time

Sentinel Prime x Reader - Transformers One Summary: In a different timeline, D-16 did not kit-kat Sentinel but instead had codes forcibly implanted into his processor where he’d be permanently stuck in a mass-displaced form, and with his t-cog forcibly removed in front of the masses of Iacon, he was then publicly humiliated, dragged around like a slave for all to mock, and then thrown into a pod to be sent out into space. Hopefully, it’d been for him to die all alone, but whether by the grace or curse of Primus, hidden stores of energon had been onboard, and with his new form being so little, Sentinel did not have much need to refuel often. Still, with space madness tearing away at his mind, he slowly began to lose hope… Until he accidentally went into stasis only to later be re-awakened by a very odd sight; you.

Screeching as you toss a branch at him, he growls and glares furiously at you, wishing to transform his servo into a blaster but knowing he couldn’t. Luckily, he was still much stronger than you, being able to protect himself from your feeble attacks by simply holding an arm up, though the whole reason for your dramatic antics had been mostly his fault… Not that he’d really meant to punch you once he came online, but your strange organic face had been right there; it’d surprised him.

“What the fuck are you?!” you scream, picking up rocks and tossing them at him too, stepping back to avoid him attacking you in return. Your left cheekbone had swelled and was turning a ghastly shade of blue and purple, and your left eye was partly closed due to it all, though that didn’t stop you from glaring daggers at him.

Honestly, he was surprised by your lack of fear. He’d expected you to flee once he stood up, not throw whatever lay around like some kind of wild animal. However, a wild animal is exactly what you were, so, really, he shouldn’t be surprised at all.

“Will you stop attacking me? Can’t you see that your pathetic attempts to harm me do nothing?” said he, huffing and looking over his frame, frowning at the new scratches you’d given him. Millennia stuck in space, travelling at a gruellingly slow pace to Primus knew where; the first half of it spent going mad with loneliness, the other half spent in blessed stasis, yet he somehow only takes notice of his appearance just now. He’s always been meticulous, proud of his frame and its shine, but time dulled his colours and scratches he didn’t recognise adorned him here and there. Self-inflicted? He couldn’t be quite sure, but your fit had surely given him new ones.

“Are you some kind of sentient robot?” you ask, holding a large stick and pointing it at him threateningly. Was that supposed to look like some kind of sword? The sight of it almost made Sentinel laugh; almost. “Well?!”

“Stop your shouting,” said he, brushing leaves off himself as he watched you, not quite able to look away. You were uncannily similar to Cybertronians, your face, your body, all organic, of course, and yet still so similar in many ways. How was he able to understand you, though? Another fun fact about the ancient code neither he nor D-16 for that matter, had fully understood? Well, no matter, he didn’t care, it just felt good to talk to someone again, whether they were a disgusting organic or not. At least your optics were pretty to look at.

… Primus, he really had gone mad.

Taking a few more steps back, you glance over your shoulder and towards the stream, probably eyeing up the logs that lay as a bridge over the running water. Were you planning on running? Somehow, as ridiculous as it made him feel, it almost made Sentinel panic. He didn’t want to be alone again.

“Wait,” said he, holding out his arms in a non-threatening manner. “I think we got off on the wrong pede here.”

“You punched me!”

“Ah, yes, I apologise for that. I didn’t intend to hurt you, you merely surprised me, is all.”

“Do you hit everyone who surprises you?” you ask, still glaring.

Sentinel cleared his intake. “I have been lost in space for millennia, half of it spent in stasis. I don’t think you would react kindly to an alien face being so close to your own after so suddenly waking up, would you?” asked he, speaking softly to you in hopes that your anger would falter. You were a primitive race, surely, it couldn’t be too difficult to manipulate you.

You blinked. “Millennia?” you said, disbelieving. “How—what?”

He took a single step towards you, keeping a friendly smile on his face plate, knowing he still towered over you, shrunken wings tucked behind him. “Why don’t we try this again; I am Sentinel.” He held a servo to his chassis, digits twitching once he felt the empty t-cog compartment, thoughts immediately wandering off to the image of D-16 tearing it out of him. He must have made an expression you didn’t like, because as he took another step, still lost in thought, a twig broke beneath his pede and you jumped; fear quickly overtaking your face.

You turned and fled.

“No, wait!” Panic shook through Sentinel’s spark and he acted without thought, the fear of being left alone again too raw, the madness of space still fresh within his processor, the need of someone, anyone, just being there with him too strong to ignore.

You cast a glance over your shoulder, screaming bloody murder once you noticed him following closely behind, your feet suddenly carrying you faster than Sentinel thought possible. How were you so fast? Though taller than you he had a difficult time keeping up, the nature around him alien, roots of trees stronger than first believed and tripping him, forcing him down with a heavy thud upon the ground.

“Please!” he called, disoriented from low energon levels, pathetically desperate not to be left alone. “Please, don’t leave me! Please!” Rising again, he rushed after you, picking up speed and gaining on you. He can hear you scream, barely able to truly see what he’s doing, vision blurring, but he’s caught you.

Oh, you’re so soft.

You’re trashing and screaming and short of breath, but you’re in his arms and it feels so good to touch someone again, and you’re so soft, not at all like a Cybertronian, all rounded and smooth. And he’s falling onto his aft, leaning against a tall tree as he holds you, thoughts wandering as his optics offline.

“Don’t leave,” he says, voice unimaginably gentle, so unlike him. “Don’t leave me, please.” He’s squeezing you, not too hard, not wanting to harm you; to frighten you. He just needs this, this contact, your touch no matter how alien it is. And you’ve stopped trashing, still breathing rapidly, your organic spark beating wildly within your chest.

“Sentinel… That was your name?” you ask after a while, breath calming though you’re still tense.

He purrs, unconsciously, comforted by someone saying his name. Comforted by someone speaking to him, hears you say your own name, oddly sounding, yet fitting you quite well. And you try to push his arms away, wishing to be released, but he refuses; not yet.

“Wait,” he says, sighing and leaning his face plate into your hair, trying to compose himself yet his processor is still panicked, still afraid of the loneliness. “Just… give me a moment.” He doesn’t expect the mercy, the pain of D-16 tearing his t-cog out of his chassis somehow still fresh, but you quiet down and relax your body, calming in his arms, growing less afraid of him.

Next Music: Holst – The Planets, Op. 32: III. Mercury, the Winged Messenger & Musical Wanderings – Ethereal

[wonusite]

message from wonusite.

hi, loves! this has honestly been long overdue, and i hope you guys can forgive me for taking as long as i did.

many of you have sent me super kind and thoughtful messages while i was gone, and i really appreciate every single one of them. i know i worried a lot of you while i was gone which i want to apologize for. it wasn’t my intention to cause any panic/worry, and i really am sorry.

originally, i didn’t plan on being gone for so long from this blog and tumblr in general. what started out as me taking a small break due to writer’s block and a few other things in my life ended up being extended because my town was devastated by a wildfire. those who’ve been following me for a while know that this isn’t the first time something like this has happened since i live in an area where wildfires are prevalent.

this wildfire affected my life entirely as it was the worst in the town’s history. the entire town was forced to evacuate for over a week. when we got to come back, the town was then devastated by several floods that were the most severe in the town’s history due to the scar burns the fire left behind.

as you guys can imagine, these disastrous events were very hard on me both financially and mentally. i can easily say that it was one of the hardest times in my life. everything felt strange, and the things that usually brought me so much joy did little to comfort me—even writing which had always been my main source of comfort. not only that, but i couldn’t focus on anything other than all the problems i was facing. logging on to tumblr also felt off for me with everything going on, so i eventually stopped to focus on my very real life problems. over time, being away from this blog got easier without me realizing it.

whenever i did occasionally log back in, events happening in the kpop writing community (minors invading adult spaces/lying about their age, plagiarism—which i very belatedly found out i fell victim to—and general drama), made me not want to be on tumblr at all. now that things in my life have calmed down a bit and are slowly getting back to normal, my feelings on this haven’t really changed.

i’ve contemplated the future of this blog for a long time and have ultimately decided to treat it as an archive now. i’m sorry to disappoint those of you who were waiting for the wips i had planned. this wasn’t an easy decision to make, but one that i hope you guys can understand.

i really want to thank everyone who made my writing journey on caratblr so fun and enjoyable. i’ll forever be grateful for all the love and support you’ve all shown me until now.

from the bottom of my heart, thank you for everything.

— nalani

[skyloftian-nutcase]

Four sighed, taking a sip of his beer as he looked at the embers glowing and crackling in Time’s fire pit. “I hate seeing people in pain and not being able to do anything about it.”

Sky glanced at his friend, wondering where that statement came from. Nobody said anything for a moment, and then Legend piped up.

“Yet you chose to work in a surgical-trauma ICU where everyone is in pain all the time,” he quipped with a little playful smirk to take the edge of the sarcasm.

Warriors snickered, leaning back in his chair, beer bottle held lazily between his fingers. Sky almost laughed at the sight of it, recalling that he and Hyrule had been refilling the bottle with water after their friend’s first drink. The army nurse hadn’t commented on the matter.

“Oh shut up,” Four laughed as well. “I know I set myself up for this. But I… I wanted to help. And I wanted to do nursing that made me feel like I was thinking through puzzles and able to focus on as few patients as possible so I could really get into taking care of things. And I like the thrill of it. But…”

He trailed off a moment, looking around at the group relaxing by the fire pit. Twilight paused briefly in the act of throwing another log on the fire, glancing at Four, before finishing the action, sending sparks showering into the air briefly. Time and Malon watched Four quietly, bundled together under a plaid blanket, Malon’s head on Time’s shoulder. Warriors perked up from his slumped position, head tilting towards the ICU nurse while Legend’s playful smile faded. Wild and Wind paused from eating their s’mores to give Four their attention while Hyrule sat up from where he’d been laying in a burrito of blankets on the grass.

Sky watched Four try to ask what he wanted, and as much as he wanted to prompt his friend he knew to wait.

“Does it ever get better?” Four finally asked. “The compassion fatigue. I’ve only been in nursing a short while and I can already feel it. Am… am I done?”

Sky bit his tongue, remembering when he’d asked Legend a similar question. But Sky had been through a war and had been flying sick, injured, and dying patients for years now. Four was still a fairly new nurse, wasn’t he?

He supposed it didn’t matter. Everyone’s exposure and experience was different. Four very clearly was uneasy about this.

Warriors spoke up first, sitting up. “It comes and goes, buddy.”

“Sometimes you just have to stop and remember they’re people,” Legend added. “We… you know, when everyone’s worst day is your workday you have to shut it off. It’s not…”

“We have to protect ourselves,” Sky picked up for his dear friend. “We suffer when they suffer. But if you let it get to you then you can’t focus on helping them. You’re not a bad person for doing that. For…”

Well. Were they bad people for feeling nothing when their patients were in pain?

Honestly, Sky knew there wasn’t a single person in this group who felt absolutely nothing. They just redirected what they felt into something else. Dark jokes to make a bad situation funny, frustration to turn strong emotions into rambling with coworkers… they all felt it somehow.

But it did make it hard to remember who they were taking care of sometimes.

Sky was grateful he just flew his helicopter. He wasn’t sure he could tolerate much more exposure than that, honestly.

“I don’t know if it ever gets better,” Warriors finally said. “It’s kind of just something you learn to live with.”

“I’ve seen nurses who have all the compassion in the world,” Twilight noted. “But I also have no idea how they do it, honestly.”

“Oh, you mean like you, Mr Biggest Bleeding Heart in the Room?” Legend remarked. “I bet you’re everyone’s favorite CNA over there. I don’t know how the hell you deal with sick kids day in and out.”

“It’s a lot easier when you’re the tech walking in and out of the room instead of the nurse responsible for that kid’s life,” Twilight argued mildly. “I mean, I do get attached and I want to take care of all of them, but I’m also so spread out it makes encounters shorter. So like… I don’t know, not as much burnout I guess. Except for the chronic kids.”

“Well, techs make a hell of a difference,” Four noted. “I’d be so screwed without you guys.”

“Back to the point,” Twilight frowned, waving a dismissive hand. “I’m sure even the kindest nurses have moments when they just can’t let themselves get hurt anymore. You’re not a jerk for being worn out from constantly watching people suffer.”

“What’s important, love, is getting out and having moments like this,” Malon piped up. “You boys all tend to self isolate when you’re not working, and all that does is make work your entire life. Take time for yourself but go out in the world too. We’re all here for each other. That’s why we had this tonight.”

Four sighed a little, glancing down at the fire. Sky elbowed him teasingly, smiling. “Hey. You can’t be any worse than Legend.”

The travel nurse perked up, face flushing and eyes wide with irritation as Warriors wheezed. “HEY!”

Everyone started to laugh while Legend rolled his eyes and threw his hands in the air. But Sky knew it was just theatrics; after all, he and Legend had talked about this very thing a few weeks ago.

Healthcare broke people. They all knew that. But a little crack here and there could be supported, one person holding the other up. Sky wasn’t sure how long any of them could last in any one area, but he knew they’d try to make it work.