#holy shoot i'm dead. i'm dead. deceased

[youryurigoddess]

Aziraphale’s secret investigation and overlooked Clues

Remember this frame from Good Omens S02E06? Apparently Aziraphale had been using the empty carton box brought by Jim to store things in. It became a new home to at least two out of three “Lost Quartos” — the supposedly lost Shakespeare plays briefly but hilariously mentioned in the Good Omens book — as well as a very mysterious legal document.

Thought probably half of the Good Omens analysts here, including the ever so wonderful @fuckyeahgoodomens, who managed to find some information about the deceased John Gibson from New Cumnock (1855 - 1905).

Unfortunately the most interesting thing about this early 20th century provincial postmaster was his youngest child James (1894 - 1973), a quite famous stage (West End!) and film actor immortalized on screen in The Master of Ballantrae (1962), Witch Wood (1964) and Kidnapped (1963).

After that particular discovery the fandom-wide search seemingly led nowhere and the topic died a premature death.

And I almost figured it out seven months ago.

“But Yuri, you’re so clever. How can somebody as clever as you be so stupid?”, you probably want to shout across a busy London street at this point. Well, let me tell you. Much like Aziraphale, I'm blindingly intelligent for about thirty seconds a day. I do not get to choose which seconds and they are not consecutive.

Only tonight the stars have aligned in an ineffable way.

For those of you who don’t follow this account, some time ago I’ve realized that John Gibson isn’t the only testator whose estate was being investigated by Aziraphale right before The Whickber Street Traders and Shopkeepers Association monthly meeting.

If you watch S2 finale closely enough, you should notice that Crowley not only stress cleans Aziraphale’s bookshop — he also goes through the books and papers on his desk between the last three angels leaving the bookshop and Maggie and Nina’s intervention. A seemingly permanent arrangement of the props post-shooting, visible in detail both on Radio Times tour and SFX magazine photo shoot, sheds even more light on this detail.

The close-ups published after S2 release are legible enough to refer us to a much more prominent historical figure, Josiah Wedgwood (1730 – 1795) — an English potter, entrepreneur and abolitionist. Founding the Wedgwood company in 1759, he developed improved pottery bodies by systematic experimentation, and was the leader in the industrialisation of the manufacture of European pottery.

Long story short, I transcribed the handwritten pages abandoned on Aziraphale’s desk, found out the source and the full text of what could be identified as Wedgwood’s last will and testament, took a walk to visit his Soho workshop, and proceeded to write a lengthy meta analysis about it.

I was today’s years old when I realized that there’s something else connecting those two dead British men.

The Scottish Post Office Directory of 1903 recorded John Gibson from New Cumnock as a “stationer and china dealer” (above) operating from the shop located in the town’s post office building.

Indeed, a close look at his post office shop window in the Henderson Building (below, bottom left) reveals an artful display of fine china and pottery next to postcards printed by Gibson.

There are multiple ways to connect this surprising link with possible S3 plot points, obviously, but it’s getting late, so let’s just name the two most important ones.

You’ve probably heard of the Holy Grail, maybe from Monty Python or Good Omens S01E03 1941 flashback. Depending on the version of the story, if can be a cup, a chalice, a bowl, or a saucer — but almost always a dish or a vessel connected personally, physically and metaphysically to Jesus (unless you’re partial to Wolfram von Eschenbach’s idea that the Grail was a stone, the sanctuary of the neutral angels who took neither side during Lucifer's rebellion).

A slightly more obscure dish related to the Son of God appears in the sixteenth chapter of the Book of Revelation as a vital part of His Second Coming. The Seven Bowls (or cups, or vials) of God’s Wrath are supposed to be poured out on the wicked and the followers of the Antichrist by seven angels:

Then I heard a loud voice from the temple telling the seven angels, “Go and pour out on the earth the seven bowls of the wrath of God.” So the first angel went and poured out his bowl on the earth, and harmful and painful sores came upon the people who bore the mark of the beast and worshiped its image.

The second angel poured out his bowl into the sea, and it became like the blood of a corpse, and every living thing died that was in the sea.

The third angel poured out his bowl into the rivers and the springs of water, and they became blood. And I heard the angel in charge of the waters say, “Just are you, O Holy One, who is and who was, for you brought these judgments. For they have shed the blood of saints and prophets, and you have given them blood to drink. It is what they deserve!” And I heard the altar saying, “Yes, Lord God the Almighty, true and just are your judgments!”

The fourth angel poured out his bowl on the sun, and it was allowed to scorch people with fire. They were scorched by the fierce heat, and they cursed the name of God who had power over these plagues. They did not repent and give him glory.

The fifth angel poured out his bowl on the throne of the beast, and its kingdom was plunged into darkness. People gnawed their tongues in anguish and cursed the God of heaven for their pain and sores. They did not repent of their deeds.

The sixth angel poured out his bowl on the great river Euphrates, and its water was dried up, to prepare the way for the kings from the east. And I saw, coming out of the mouth of the dragon and out of the mouth of the beast and out of the mouth of the false prophet, three unclean spirits like frogs. For they are demonic spirits, performing signs, who go abroad to the kings of the whole world, to assemble them for battle on the great day of God the Almighty.  (“Behold, I am coming like a thief! Blessed is the one who stays awake, keeping his garments on, that he may not go about naked and be seen exposed!”) And they assembled them at the place that in Hebrew is called Armageddon.

The seventh angel poured out his bowl into the air, and a loud voice came out of the temple, from the throne, saying, “It is done!” And there were flashes of lightning, rumblings, peals of thunder, and a great earthquake such as there had never been since man was on the earth, so great was that earthquake. The great city was split into three parts, and the cities of the nations fell, and God remembered Babylon the great, to make her drain the cup of the wine of the fury of his wrath. And every island fled away, and no mountains were to be found. And great hailstones, about one hundred pounds each, fell from heaven on people; and they cursed God for the plague of the hail, because the plague was so severe.

[3ggsnbutter]

HI Lovelies I just finished the first chapter of the au I'm working on I hope you all will like it

Here's a little sneak peak for it

(don't read if you don't like spoilers)

Alastor was dragging his newest victim across the woods in the dead of night, the only sounds you could hear were the owls, and Alastor rustling through the grass and bushes "why does he have to be so heavy" Alastor muttered as he stopped to take a break and look at the moon until he heard rustling, and the rustling turned into barking from a dog, alastor grabbed his shotgun to shoot the dog but got shot in the head behind him by a deer hunter "holy shit that was a man" the hunter ran closer to alastors deceased body with panic in his eyes, the man ended up burying alastors body and the victim leaving it inside the forest for it to rot and decay.

[howlingday]

Huntsman Branwen

Jaune: Sir, come quick! There's a murderer on the loose!

Tyrian: (Gunning down innocent people)

Jaune: Please, do something!

Qrow: You got nothing to worry about, kid. Huntsman Branwen is on the case.

Jaune: ...Okay?

Qrow: Good afternoon, sir. You, uh, have a second?

Tyrian: (Still shooting) Sure, what's up?

Qrow: Well, sir, and pardon me for the intrusion, but I couldn't help but notice you're, uh, kinda firing randomly into this highly populated part of town.

Tyrian: (Still shooting) Mhm.

Qrow: See, I don't like to start my chit-chat's with the hard questions, but considering the circumstances, can I ask if that might have to do with the multiple dead laying around.

Tyrian: (Still shooting) I really don't have time for baseless accusations, huntsman.

Jaune: What are you-?!

Qrow: See, that's fair. Believe me, I fully understand your frustration. But I just can't shake the feeling there's something going on here. Would you mind answering a few more questions? I promise, it won't take more than a few seconds.

Tyrian: (Still shooting) Yeah, sure.

Jaune: He's got a gun! He's actively shooting peop- HOLY SHIT!

Qrow: All circumstantial, kid.

Jaune: Wh-?

Qrow: Trust me. I'll get a confession out of him yet.

Jaune: What?!

Qrow: Now, Mister... Ah, now this is so embarrassing. I'm real sorry but I don't remember catching your name. Mind reminding me?

Tyrian: (Still shooting) Salem.

Qrow: Ah, yeah, that's it! Mr. Salem! Now what brings you out on this beautiful day?

Tyrian: (Still shooting) Oh, you know, just out executing the will of our goddess upon the unworthy. Not really trying to reinvent the wheel here. Oh, hang on! (Fires) Almost got ya, ya slippery bastard.

Jaune: DO SOMETHING!

Qrow: Kid, what does it look like I'm doing?

Jaune: Like you're interviewing an active shooter!

Qrow: Your knowledge of the justice system scares me, kid.

Jaune: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!

Qrow: Y'know, I'm not stickler for fashion- just ask my husband, I've been wearing the same coat for forty-eight years now- but I gotta ask; what's with the tattoo?

Tyrian: (Still shooting) Oh, I'm so glad you asked! See, the tattoo represents-

Jaune: WHO CARES ABOUT THE TATTOO?! HE'S STILL GOING!

Qrow: Kid, I'm gonna need ya to calm down. I'm so sorry about my friend here. He gets nervous during active shootings.

Tyrian: (Still shooting) No, no! It's cool! Hey, mental health comes first.

Jaune: BRANWEN!

Tyrian: (Still shooting) Listen, I'd love to stay and chat, but I do kinda need to get going. Kinda gotta go blow my brains out in that McSchnees before the pigs catch me.

Qrow: Totally understandable, sir. You have a nice day. Oh, uh, before you go, I do have one more question. See, there's this one little detail that just keeps bothering me, so maybe you could help. See, I might be a huntsman, but I've seen my fair share of homicides.

Jaune: Nobody is surprised by that.

Qrow: So when I see a body with a bullet in their noggin, I have reason to believe a gun might be at play. I also recognize by the bullet casing scattered across the street tell me that either somebody is dropping rounds all willy nilly, which believe me, is rare, or they belong to a twin-barrel gunpowder hand-cannon with an eight-inch barrel... which just so happens to be in your hands.

Tyrian: (Stops shooting) ...What are you getting at, Huntsman?

Qrow: Honestly, I'm not too sure myself, but I see all this, and trust me, it does no good on my conscience to suspect an innocent man, so answer me this one question. If there's a plethora of dead men, women, and children, all shot dead with bullets I bet I could trace to your guns with your hands on the triggers after witnessing you shooting said deceased with my own eyes... Then how come your coat is inside out?

Jaune: Everything up to this point has been meaningless.

Qrow: Now, if you'll excuse me. I'll be coming back with a warrant.

Jaune: BRANWEN, YOU FUCKING IDIOT- (Shot dead)

Qrow: Hm... I think I just about cracked this- (Shot dead)

[incorrectsmashbrosquotes]

Scary Game Protagonists visit the Smashers

Yuri: Umm, excuse me, Master Hand?

Master Hand: Ah, Yuri! How was the Horror Protagonist Meetup?

Yuri: Oh, it was great! Lots of stories about unbridled horrors, mental trauma, some of them are coming here, and the cake was amazing!

Master Hand: ...What was that?

Yuri: The cake was amazing. 

Master Hand: What did you say about them coming here?!

Yuri: Hey, some of these people are really traumatized, and I think spending some time in a more friendly environment would be good for them!

Master Hand: "FRIENDLY environment?!" Have you met the people here?! This place is already a boiling pot of issues!

Yuri: It worked for me, that's all I'm saying.

Master Hand: (groans) Fine, but if they bring any of their monsters with them, I'm kicking them back to the nightmare world they came from.

__________

(meanwhile, Meggy is laying on a couch in a therapist's office, Dr. Maruki taking notes)

Meggy: And that's why I think my competitiveness dates back to my childhood...

Dr. Maruki: Interesting... (before he can elaborate, they're interrupted by a knock at the door) Hmm? Who's there? I'm in the middle of a session.

(the door creaks open. Meekly peeking into the opening is a tall, blonde-haired man in a green army jacket. He looks back and forth at Meggy and Dr. Maruki with a confused expression)

???: Uhh... I'm sorry, I think I have the wrong day. I thought I was supposed to have a session at this time.

Dr. Maruki: (flipping through his notebook) Ah, yes, Mr. Sunderland. Yes, you're scheduled for this time tomorrow. 

James: Oh... sorry, I always get the dates wrong on these things.

Dr. Maruki: It says here you're booked for couple's therapy. Will your spouse be joining us?

James: Uh... no, that's a mistake. My wife's deceased.

Dr. Maruki: Oh, I'm sorry. I'll be sure to have that changed before your appointment tomorrow. 

James: Okay. Sorry to interrupt. (he glances at Meggy briefly before shutting the door)

Dr. Maruki: Well, that was interesting. Now, where were we? (Meggy is now sitting up on the couch, eyeing the spot where James was suspiciously) Is there a problem?

Meggy: There's something off about that guy, Doc...

Dr. Maruki: There's "something off" about all my patients, Meggy. That's why they're getting therapy.

___________

(meanwhile, Snake is peacefully enjoying a beer in the Mansion's lounge when he's interrupted by a deep voice coming from behind him)

???: Holy shit, I thought you were dead.

(Snake turns and sees a gigantic, muscular man in a black trenchcoat. He grins and stands up to greet the man)

Snake: As I live and breathe, Chris Redfield. You look like hell.

Chris: Hey, you try fighting through a village of zombie werewolves some time. Besides, I still look better than you did in your last game, Old Snake.

Snake: Yeah, well, turns out multiverse time-screwery does wonders for an old man. You should try it some time. Or is the boulder-punching enough exercise for you?

(they both sit down at Snake's table)

Chris: God, I'm never gonna escape that meme, aren't I?

Snake: Hey, speaking of memes, the kids around here have been showing me some weird ones about you. Something called... "Chrisposting"?

Chris: (groans) Goddammit...

Snake: I didn't even think you liked Leon, and yet you're trying to force him to be your brother-in-law?

Chris: Claire's a grown woman, she can go out with whoever she wants, and I have better things to do with my time than violently enforce one specific ship.

Snake: What, like finding you're own ways to "continue the Redfield bloodline"? Or did Jill shoot your ass down?

Chris: (chuckles) Fuck you, David. And Jill and I are doing great.

Snake: …You know, they were making some of those same jokes about Ethan before he... you know. How're you doing with that?

Chris: (sigh) Doing better these days. But every time I look at Rose, I can't help but think about how I could've handled that whole mess better.

Snake: I get it. I used to get the same way looking at Sunny. Still, I think Ethan would appreciate what you're doing.

Chris: I hope so. (he grabs a bottle and holds it up) To Ethan.

Snake: To Ethan.

(they toast, and then proceed to drink their drinks in silence)

___________

(meanwhile, sitting in a random bar on the other side of town is a reporter in a brown jacket, nervously tapping on a notebook. He appears to be missing some of his fingers)

Miles Upshur: Okay... okay, so you're saying that this whole place here... is just tons and tons of... multiverse video game people? 

(the Mii bartender in front of him nods. A voice inside the reporter's head pipes up)

The Walrider: (annoyed) And he's been saying it for hours!

Miles: Alright... so, tell me again... there was this island full of robots, that got blown up. (the Mii bartender nods and crosses his heart in respect) Okay... and there's also a very angry... heroic giant ape.

Mii Bartender: Donkey Kong.

Miles: …a monkey... named "Donkey Kong".

Walrider: Yeah, and you thought "Walrider" was a shit name!

Miles: (under his breath) Yeah, cause it is. (normal volume, to the bartender) Now, tell me again, about these two eldritch ghost things that like fighting each other. Cause I tell you what man, these evil spirits, they don't spend their time fighting each other...

Walrider: Miles! Don't you start!

Miles: ...no, no, no. Cause they don't care about fighting each other, you know what they do like? TEARING PEOPLE APART! That's what they do, alright?

Mii Bartender: ...Buddy, they destroyed the multiverse. Fifteen hundred people lost their bodies, and had to live as spirits for weeks.

Miles: … fifteen... hundred? (the bartender nods, annoyed) That's a lot of people. Maybe... maybe I should go to this... Mansion, talk to these... Smashers.

(he's interrupted when Master Hand appears out of a portal behind him)

Master Hand: Oh, hell no! We have enough eldritch beings running around, you're going home! (he snaps his fingers and disappears)

Miles: What the fuck?

Walrider: What's happening?! (Miles starts slowly vanishing) NO! No, we just got here! NOT AGAIN! (Miles vanishes entirely)

Mii Bartender: …Jackass didn't even pay the bill.

[bada-bang-bada-bastarrd]

Get Off On The Pain --- J. W.

‧̍̊·̊‧̥°̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥‧̥·̊‧̍̊ ♡ °̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥ ·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ °̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥ ♡ ‧̍̊·̊‧̥°̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥‧̥·̊‧̍̊

In which, a vampiric John battles the temptation of instinct and mind.

Tw for: guns, blood, deaths, gore, etc.

It was dead silent on the streets for a Friday night. Eerily dead silent. That was, until, a man could be heard screaming in Russian. The rain poured down torrentially, soaking his shirt and revealing the bullet wound in his chest. He clutched onto the bloody hole tightly to stop the bleeding. He quickly turned his head to see if his enemy was still pursuing him.

He stopped and smiled in relief. Nobody in sight...or so he thought. The screech of tires echoed behind him, the jet black car gaining in speed. He quickly began running again. He eventually stopped to catch his breath in an alleyway. He gulped when he saw that this was a dead end. The Mustang roared as it pulled into the entrance of the alleyway.

The driver stepped out, the rain doing practically nothing to him. It only revealed the notorious John Wick. "Please," the man begged, "don't do this! I had no involvement in this; I'm just following orders to get paid!" The driver loaded his handgun. "YOU CAN GET PAID IN HELL!" he screamed. He took his aim, heaved out a deep breath, and watched as the man shook anxiously.

"DON'T SHOOT!" Too late. He pulled the trigger and...BANG! SPLAT! The deed was done. John put the gun back in his pocket. He observed the body with an abnormal fascination. Sure, the powerful figures of the city knew that John was an assassin, but what they didn't know was that he was also a vampire, hellbent on feasting on blood.

He paused a moment to look at the building walls. A grotesque amount of blood had splattered up against them. Who knew that the human body had so much of this nectar in it? Why weren't they willing to share it? No matter. John crouched down and brandished his fangs. He sank them into his deceased foe's neck, feeding on him viciously.

When he was done, he got back up on his feet. "Ecstasy." He commented before getting in his car. He sped off into the night. He suddenly recieved a call on his cellphone. He picked it up. "What?" he hissed. He listened to the person on the other end and said nothing. "Oh I'll meet you there all right." he growled, hanging up.

As he drove, John found it difficult to focus. Something told him that he needed more. More blood. He reminded himself that he was still sorta human and that was enough. His stomach lashed out at him, growling and crying in pain. He slammed on the brakes, arriving at an obscure, out-of-the-way bar. He slinked in practically unnoticed as he went to the board.

It advertised the rewards for killing important people, a doggy daycare, and some other third thing he didn't give a fuck about. "Perfect," he muttered, "It's not the money I need...it's the blood." His fangs began betraying him, protruding from his mouth. He quickly covered his lips with a hand.

The other patrons couldn't know. The other assassins couldn't know. The crime bosses. Nobody. He took a slip of paper from one of the posters. "I'll come for you and your blood." he whispered teasingly. A woman approached him, beginning to flirt with him. He tried to speak to her and dismiss her, but his fangs again betrayed him.

Each time he attempted to speak, he choked on his words and let out soft hisses. "What's wrong, baby boy?" she cooed. "Cat got your tongue?" She yanked him close to her face, purring as she spoke quietly, "I can fix that for you. Anything for the John Wick!" Oblivious to her real plans, he nodded.

She took his hand, but he yanked it away and just followed her instead. He was led to a small room that looked utterly lavish compared to the rest of the bar. She locked the door behind him. "Ready, big boy?" she teased. John wasn't one to blush, but holy shit! Sex did seem quite promising, though he wasn't really sure.

She started to strip off her dress. John frowned. This wasn't Helen. He felt like he'd be backstabbing her if he went through with this. Despite being quite sex deprived, he decided to let her down easy. Just as he got ready to speak, he heard a voice inside his head.

Kill her, it said, drink her blood. Go ahead, you NEED it! You deserve it! BLOOD IS YOUR ONLY FORM OF SUSTENANCE! John was mortified. How could he do such a thing? His stomach growled again. Instinct took over as he took off his blazer and began unbuttoning his shirt. She watched him seductively, shuddering in anticipation.

She was going to fuck Wick. She'd have more than just bragging rights --- she'd gain a reputation as the best hooker in all of New York. He finally stripped the entirety of his suit, save for his pants and shoes. He kicked off the flats and climbed into the surprisingly soft bed with her. He crawled over and hovered over her.

"I apologize in advance." he whispered. Before she could ask what he was sorry for, he pinned her down. She let out a chuckle. "I've been through rougher." she challenged. Oh, we'll show you rough! He took a deep breath and tilted his head, mentally apologizing to Helen for what he was about to do.

He put his lips to her neck and hissed. He ghosted little kisses on her skin, which she surprisingly bought. John's mouth seemed to have a mind of its own as he sunk the deadly teeth into her neck. She screamed loudly when she pieced together that John wasn't giving her a hickey --- he was hurting her! Purposely! This frustrated the assassin, so he cupped his hand over her mouth.

She tried to break free. He just dug his claws into her flesh and held her closer to him. The blood was being pumped faster due to her panic, which made her taste even better. His eyes went to a full black as he continued his quest for satisfaction. After a few minutes, she went still. She was dead.

Fucking finally! God, that was torture! He snapped out of it, eyes returning to normal. He cried out when he saw the lifeless body he held. He was only planning on taking some of her blood, not most of it! "No! NO!" he cried. But it tasted so good, so sweet, so fucking smooth. "No, no it didn't!" he argued aloud.

You know that you loved the taste. You can't deny your true self. Why you chose this as your passion. You're not addicted to vengeance --- you're addicted to what sustains you. Stop drinking it, and we both die! If anyone tried to help us, they'd discover us! Then everyone would want to kill Johnathan Wick. Everyone. Just to rid the world of a dying race. So stop fighting me, John, start embracing yourself. Your true heritage. Your true self.

John held onto his head in pain. He knew he was human. He had to be. "No, no, no! I didn't WANT to kill her! She was innocent! That man was involved in the killing of what I had left of Helen! He was NOT innocent!" he argued, "Please, I don't want to live like this!" Then die. He put his clothes back on and rushed to his car. He drove away, desperately trying to go home.

Lord have mercy on my soul.

[secretagentspydetectiveninja]

The Misadventures of Prince Kim - chapter 72

The final chapter. Phew. I don’t even know what to say. (That’s a lie, I left several rambling paragraphs of crying on AO3.) It’s been one hell of a ride. Everyone who read this, thank you and I love you. Kim, thank you for existing, and I love you too.

Read it on AO3 where the Morse code actually works and you can see the aforementioned rambling paragraphs of crying

It took several weeks for the telecommunication lines to be repaired. In the meantime, plenty happened. Empress Chloé continued to work on sorting out her empire, and very slowly, things began to improve. The weather remained stormy for a while, but soon cleared up. The raging river eventually returned to its normal, peaceful state. Many more students left, and by June the school seemed almost empty.

Adrien, though under a lot of stress from the recent events, sent a letter to the court of the Agreste Empire, letting them know what had happened. The crew of the ship that Gabriel had used to sail here all bowed down and swore allegiance to Adrien, their new emperor, though he was not sure how much he could trust them. Did they think he had murdered his father? There was a chance that a lot of his subjects would think so, and be wary of him. He had to be careful.

After some tearful goodbyes he sailed away with the crew, back to his home for the first time in years. His new empire could not wait for him much longer. What with the school being so devoid of students, there didn’t seem much point staying until the official start of the holidays. It would be best to go back right away and cement his reign before any troubles began.

No news was heard from Gabriel. If he had made it ashore, he was keeping quiet.

The school soon received a letter from the kingdom of Lê Chiến, informing them that the border troubles had cleared up, meaning that it would finally be safe for Kim to return. A zeppelin had also been sent up in the 7th region to provide remote telecommunications access, and within a few days it would be up and running, meaning that phone calls could once again be made to the kingdom. Preparations were immediately begun for Kim’s departure – the remaining porters collated all his luggage from his room and loaded it onto the carriages.

By this point there was no need to stay at school until the very end. No one was here anyway. Chloé, Sabrina and Lila had all left long ago. Adrien was gone now, and Marinette had soon returned to her own home, eager to see her parents again after such a long break. Nathaniel had not even returned to school after the spring holidays. Lady Caline was still here, but she was one of the very few teachers remaining. It was not possible to learn much with the school in a state like this.

The building itself seemed haunted now, too, every creaky chandelier and broken piece of tiling reminding Kim of his near-demise. He really did not want to stay here any longer. This school did have good memories for him too, of course it did. But in a way he had outgrown it. The time was right for him to begin a new chapter of his life – this time as king, ruling over a country.

He stood in his now empty room one sunny June morning, his phone in hand. Today would be the day he finally left. It would take him a while to get back home, all the way on the other side of the world, and no aeroplanes yet to take him there. But at least he was finally going home. It had been three whole years. Would much have changed?

There had been a certain number he had saved into his phone long ago. Now he dialled it, and held his breath, waiting. According to the timestamp on the letter, the communications zeppelin went up over a week ago. Surely there would be enough time for it to be working now. There had to be.

A voice finally answered.

“Good afternoon, you have reached the kingdom of Lê Chiến. How may we help you?”

It worked! It actually worked! He was speaking to a real person from back home, an actual official! It had been so long that he’d even forgotten about the time difference – of course it was late afternoon back home.

He stopped himself from laughing in relief, reminding himself to sound like a proper ruler now. “Hello, this is Prince Kim calling from my personal telephone. I think I sent the phone number details by messenger pigeon a while ago, so you can verify it if you need to.”

“Ah, Your Highness! We have been hoping to hear from you. Please wait one moment while I verify your details.” There was a pause for several seconds. “Yes, we have your personal telephone number on record. Thank you for your phone call. What do you require from us today?”

What did he require? He wasn’t even sure. He had barely thought about it at all, just wanting to see if the phone lines would even work. There was something else he definitely wanted, though, and he had wanted it for quite a long while. “Um… can I talk to my family? If possible?”

“Of course. Your parents are away at the moment, overseeing the summer solstice festival arrangements, but the Queen-Dowager-Regent is available. She has been eagerly awaiting any news from you. Shall I pass the phone call to her?”

“Yes please.”

“Right, please hold the line for a few moments.”

“Thank you.”

Kim waited for a few minutes, his heart beating rapidly. It had been far, far too long since he had last directly spoken to his grandmother. He missed her so much it was getting impossible to bear. And now, within just a few moments, he would get to hear her voice again! He was so excited he couldn’t stand still, having to pace around the room as he waited.

Finally, that familiar voice spoke. “Kim, I’m so glad to hear from you!”

He hadn’t expected to suddenly be overwhelmed with emotion, and hastily wiped tears away from his eyes. “H-hi bà… how are you?”

“I’m doing very well, thank you, but I really should ask about you! With the communications finally open we’ve been receiving all the world’s news, and it sounds like you have been through quite the adventure. What happened? I want to hear it directly from you.”

“Well… Emperor Gabriel showed up at school and tried to kill me, but then… he fell in the river when the balcony broke…” He was still crying a little, and was aware that his grandma could probably tell.

“Goodness gracious, that really is a terrible thing to have happened to you. I assume you’re out of danger now though?”

“Yeah.”

“Good. We’ve all missed you ever so much. And we’re very proud of you, too. You’ve managed to get our country into the International Alliance without any of us even being there to help you. You’ve grown up so much over the past three years, and I for one can’t wait for you to return so that I can see this change for myself.”

Kim smiled, his heart soaring at the thought of finally getting to go back to his home palace and be with his family once more. “I can’t wait too. And… I’ll try and be a good ruler.”

“I’m sure you will do just fine. We’re planning the coronation to happen around two months from now so that you have plenty of time to get back and adjust yourself. I’ll still be on hand to always help you out. And I’m sure the friends and alliances you’ve made at school will be willing to help you out too.”

“They definitely will.”

“Excellent. With you as leader, and the trade routes back open, I don’t doubt that our kingdom is going to prosper.”

Though still nervous about being a king, Kim was finally beginning to believe that too. Maybe he really could do a good job. He had survived this far, hadn’t he?

“I’m leaving school today,” he said. “My luggage is all packed away and those carriage guards who have been stuck here for like two years can finally take me home.”

“They are still there? My god, I had forgotten about that. As soon as they return they’re getting a hefty pay rise and promotion for their duty. Will you tell them that?”

“Yes.”

“Fantastic. And make sure to give us another call when you’ve almost reached home, so that we can be waiting to greet you. It was so good to speak to you again. We’ll see each other soon.”

“Yeah, see you soon.”

“Goodbye, Kim.”

She hung up. For several seconds Kim just stood there, grinning to himself, unable to stop. He was finally going home. It didn’t feel real. Home seemed like a distant memory, like a movie he had watched some time in the past or a dream he’d had, rather than a real place. The thought of finally getting to go back filled him with so much relief it made him dizzy.

He was not sure how long it was before the knock on the door – time seemed to have stopped entirely at this point. Putting his phone back in his pocket, and walked over and opened the door to see Markov hovering there, bobbing up and down a little less than usual.

“Markov! Good to see you!”

Markov wordlessly flew into the room, looking around at the emptiness of it.

“I was gonna come and say goodbye to you actually,” Kim said to him. “I guess you just beat me to it.”

Markov slowly turned around to face him before speaking. “Kim, I… I am feeling an emotion I’ve never felt before. A strange, terrible one. I don’t like it. It hurts.”

“You mean you’re feeling actual pain?” Wow, that robot was always surprising him. Every time he thought Markov couldn’t get any more sophisticated, he did.

“No, not physical pain. I do not have nerve receptors. It is an emotional pain.” His eyes were beginning to be overrun with little pixel tears. “Kim, you’re going to leave, for a very long time. And I won’t get to see you. This is a very intense kind of sadness I am feeling right now, because you are my friend, and… I… am going to… miss you… and I’ve never ‘missed’ anyone before!”

His voice was wobbling, and he seemed to be shaking. Was this a robotic form of crying? Without thinking, Kim hugged him tight.

“I’m gonna miss you too, Markov,” he said. “But I’ll try and visit as often as I can. I’ll see you every Peace Ball, at least.”

“That’s only once a year. A maximum of around 21 days out of 365!”

“Well I’ll call you up every single day. That way you can talk to me 365 days out of 365.”

“Thank you, that does make me feel a little bit better…”

“Awesome.” Kim let go of him, letting him fly back into the air. “You’ll take care of Max, right?”

“Yes, of course! In fact, that reminds me, I’m also here to inform you that Max is waiting for you at the school entrance.”

“I guess I’ll go see him, then. There’s no point me hanging around here any longer.”

Markov still had tears rolling down from his eyes. “Kim… when I first met you, I did not realize I would become emotionally attached. I didn’t even expect to form emotions in the first place. But your kindness and friendship helped with that, so thank you. Thank you for helping me experience what it is like to be human, just like you.”

Kim’s own eyes were filling up a little too now. “Hey, uh, it’s no problem. I didn’t realize you were gonna be so cool.”

“Good luck with ruling your country. I think… I think I’m going to go now…” He turned and flew out of the room.

Kim’s cheerful mood from earlier was beginning to slip away slightly. Sure, it was exciting to finally be going home again. But saying goodbye to his friends was not fun, not at all. Thank goodness for the existence of telephones. That would make things so much more tolerable.

Taking one last look around the dorm room that he had spent the better part of the last three years in, he stepped out of the door and closed it for the last time. Maybe he would come back and visit this school again one day. As much as he was getting sick of it, he didn’t want to say goodbye forever.

He headed through the maze of empty, dilapidated corridors, towards the entrance where Max would be waiting. Before he had even exited the dorm areas he caught sight of a familiar face.

“Hi Ivan, what’s up?” he said, going over.

“Hi Kim!” Grand Duke Ivan had been looking out at the courtyard through one of the windows, and now turned to face Kim with a smile on his face. “I heard you’re leaving today. Is that true?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh good, there’ll finally be a bit of peace and quiet around here.”

“Hey!”

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding!” He suddenly gave Kim an almighty pat on the back, almost knocking him over completely. “You know, you’re actually alright. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but… I’m really glad you’re not dead.”

Kim grinned. “Coming from you, that’s a compliment. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. And good luck for the future. I think you might actually do an okay job.”

“Excuse you, I’m gonna do an amazing job, you’ll see. Anyway, have you proposed to Mylène yet?”

Ivan’s pale face suddenly flushed red. “We’re only 18!”

“Pfff, that didn’t stop me proposing to Max one time. You’re just a wimp.” He left out the fact that it had been a complete accident, and he didn’t really mean it, and Max had never replied to that anyway.

Ivan crossed his arms, going back to his usual sullen demeanour. “I take back what I said. You’re gonna do a terrible job and I’m glad you’re leaving.”

“You don’t mean that. You love me really. And also I was kidding, take your time with Mylène.��

“Of course I will.”

“Cool. I gotta go see Max now, but I hope I’ll see you again someday. Good luck and everything.”

Ivan nodded at him, unable to hide a smile. “You too.”

Kim continued down the corridor as Ivan turned back to the window. It was nice that things were cordial between them now. As much fun as it had been in the past to annoy Ivan on purpose, it was even more fun to do it when they were on good terms, when they both knew it wasn’t serious. Perhaps someday they could become proper friends? Kim hoped so. He didn’t want to be a jerk to anyone ever again.

He was distracted from his thoughts when he heard someone around a corner saying his name.

“…and I guess I haven’t been calling you ‘Kim’ at all recently, have I? You’d just get mixed up with human Kim. But I should have been calling you your actual name, Imhotep, and instead I’ve been calling you ‘snake’, so in revenge you can call me ‘human’ if you want…”

He would recognize that voice anywhere – the voice of his best friend in the entire world. He ran around the corner to see that Pharaoh Alix was indeed standing there, talking to her pet snake that was wrapped around the sceptre.

Walking over, he leaned an arm against the wall, saying, “Hey, human. What’s up?”

She hit him with the sceptre. “Only the snake’s allowed to call me that!”

“Well considering that time you called me ‘Emperor Palpatine’ for like a whole week, it’s only fair if I get to call you ‘human’, right?”

“Whatever. You won’t even be here for a week anyway.”

Oh yes, of course. Now was probably the best time to say goodbye to her. He had very much been putting that off.

“I was just heading down to the school entrance,” he said. “The carriage is there with all my stuff in it. And Max is there too.”

“So this is goodbye?”

“Yeah…”

“Okay then. Bye.”

He frowned. “What, is that it?”

“I didn’t want to make it all stupid and dramatic!” She was looking down at the floor, avoiding eye contact. “What did you want me to do? Tell you how cool you are? How awesome a friend you are? Start crying and hug you and admit that I’m g-gonna miss you? Because that’s… that’s n-not happening…”

.-.. .. .- .-. the snake tapped out, sliding off the sceptre and wrapping itself around her headdress.

“Oh fine! I’ll say it! I’m gonna miss you ‘cause you’re my best friend, and l-like… I never had best friends before going to school. And I never cared about anyone this much before. And I know the main threat’s gone, b-but… you have to promise to be careful! I can’t go through losing you again! I can’t!”

She dropped the sceptre and put her face in her hands, seemingly trying very, very hard not to cry. Kim had mostly avoided thinking about his near-death as much as he could, and definitely avoided thinking about the fact that in one timeline he really did die, and all his friends were there to see it. Alix had outright forbidden anyone from speaking about it at all, so it was surprising that she was bringing it up now.

He bent down and pulled her into a hug. “I will be careful. I promise.”

It wasn’t the first time he’d promised her that he would be careful. To be fair, the death wasn’t his fault at all. From now on, though, there were no more timeline splits to ruin everything. It was just his own willpower against the world. This time, he was going to survive. He was sure of it.

“By the way,” Alix said, “I’m gonna call you up every single day and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

“Good. So I’ll get phone calls from you, Max, and Markov. That’s a lot of phone calls.”

“You’ll need our help, you Kimbecile. You have to do a good job at being king.”

“Don’t worry.” He let go of her and stood back up. “I’m gonna be the coolest ruler ever. Well, almost. You’re the coolest, of course.”

She smiled, wiping tears away from her eyes. “I can’t believe that’s an actual thing you said out loud…”

“Yeah, this is the last time I’ll properly see you for ages, so I have to say all the stuff I wouldn’t otherwise say!”

“Well then, since you did go and make it stupid and dramatic and cheesy, I guess I may as well carry on.” She crossed her arms, her face going red. “I think I learnt a lot from you. Like, I’m not so idiotic and reckless anymore, and I’m better at not scaring people away. That’s definitely at least partly your fault. But you got way better too, which is great ‘cause I sorta hated you when I first met you. You’re cooler now. And I didn’t think I’d end up caring this much, but I do. So yeah.”

Kim rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “Yeah, I was a jerk at first, wasn’t I… but you were really annoying too.”

“I’m still annoying, actually.”

“Good point. But I love it now.” He ruffled the little bit of hair sticking out from under her headdress. “I learnt a lot from you too. I mean, we have the wackiest history ever, don’t we? I don’t think I’ll ever have another friend as close as you. You’re special. If platonic sweethearts were a thing, I think I could call you one… if that doesn’t bother you?”

Still smiling through her tears, she shook her head. “It doesn’t.”

“Nice.” He suddenly realized that he was about to start crying too, and quickly changed the subject. “You’ll still go visit Max loads, right? He and Markov can keep you company. I know you don’t wanna lose any friendships and stuff so like…”

“Of course I’ll hang out with Max and Markov all the time. And I’ve got Jalil, too. I’ll make sure I’m not lonely. I’ve actually got the hang of friendship now.” She finally looked him in the eyes. “You don’t have to worry about me, Kim. I’ll be fine. You focus on ruling your country and not dying.”

Ruling his country… not dying… that was it, the tears were already rolling down his face before he could stop them.

“I’ll see you at the Peace Ball,” he managed to say, sniffing, hoping she wouldn’t make fun of him for crying. She was an expert at being hypocritical like that. “Maybe I’ll challenge you to a rematch of… that thing that happened in the lift…”

“Oh yeah, that thing!” Alix laughed. “I’d almost forgotten about that! You haven’t told anyone what happened, right?”

He shook his head.

“Good, neither have I. And I never will.”

.-. .- .--. / -... .- - - .-.. .! the snake tapped, rather enthusiastically.

“Yeah! Hey, maybe next time the snake can take part too.”

“But I won’t understand what he’s saying…”

“Well then, you’d better learn Morse code before the next Peace Ball. I’ll be waiting.”

Kim just nodded, knowing he wouldn’t have the time or patience to do that. “I… I guess I should go now…”

“Yeah. You should go see Max, and uh, get in a bit more scientific research before you leave.”

Kim had been putting off saying goodbye to Max too, and the thought was twisting at his insides rather nauseatingly. “Yeah, I’ll go do that… You be a good pharaoh, okay? And tell Jalil I said ‘screw you, square’ and… keep swearing on international television and being awesome…”

“Dude, if I say ‘fuck’ one more time in an interview they’ll probably start censoring it. They’ll just have to interview the snake instead.”

Kim gave the snake a stroke. “I’ll miss you as well, little buddy. Uh, Imhotep or whatever your actual name is.”

The snake gave his hand a lick with that adorable little forked tongue.

-- . / - --- --- !

“Lemme guess, is he calling me a punk bitch again?”

“Nah,” Alix said, shaking her head. “He says he’ll miss you too.”

“Aw, he’s so sweet. I can’t believe I used to be scared of him.”

“Yeah, in my experience, human beings can be far, far deadlier than snakes…”

That much was true. It was very, very true.

“Anyway,” she said, “you should probably get out of here now. The sooner you go home and see your family, the better.”

“Yeah…” He finger-gunned at her. “Remember, I love you. No romo.”

She rolled her eyes, grinning. “Whatever. See you later, weird prince guy.” With that, she picked up the sceptre and ran off with the snake.

After a few seconds of getting rid of any remaining tears, Kim continued wandering down the corridor towards the entrance, nostalgia weighing on him. Back when he had first started here, he had never considered that he’d end up best friends with the tiny, terrifying little pharaoh who had somehow managed to enrage him and also capture his heart. Life could be so bizarre sometimes, couldn’t it? There had been rivalry, and reconciliation, and coming outs, and kisses, and fist-fights over Monopoly, and too many stupid challenges to count. He couldn’t have predicted any of that.

And he hadn’t realized he would fall in love with Max, either…

No, when he had first started here, Prince Max was just that good friend of his, the guy he had seen at summer camps and found fun to hang out with. Now they had been together through the worst of times, the thought of looming wars, assassinations, influenza. Max had always been there for him. To the point where he started crushing hard, and didn’t even realize that the love of his life felt the same way in return.

In fact, when he started at this school, he hadn’t even realized there were more “fish in the sea” than just girls! Perhaps that was something he’d keep quiet about back home for a while, though. He wasn’t sure how they’d take it.

All too soon, his feet had carried him to the school entrance. The doors were wide open, allowing the warm sunny air into the large entrance room. Unlike the end of the previous years, it was almost deserted. A few servants and porters were scurrying around, packing the last things into the carriage on the path just outside.

Max was leaning against one of the walls, watching them absent-mindedly. Kim’s heart instantly lifted, the way it always did whenever he saw Max, and he rushed over.

“Max!”

Max turned around just in time for Kim to hug him tightly enough to lift him off the ground. When he put him back down he did not quite let go, only pulling back enough to be able to see his precious sweetheart’s face.

“Hi Kim,” Max said, a sweet little smile on his face. “Did you see Markov?”

“Yeah, he told me you were waiting here. He’s really gonna miss me, poor guy.”

“Well, he’s not the only one who’ll miss you a lot…”

Kim rested his forehead against Max’s. “I’ll call you up every day, I promise. And I’ll build that airport soon so you all can visit.”

“Keep an eye on the budget so that you don’t overspend on the airport. There are probably a lot of other things that your kingdom could use the money for too.”

“Your advice is gonna be so helpful, I just know it.”

Max chuckled. “I’m glad you think so. Hopefully it’ll help you avoid more misadventures.”

“Misadventures? What’s that?”

“An adventure with misfortune or tragedy. Much like the ones that have plagued us over the past few years.”

“Oh, right. Well I’ll definitely be sure to avoid those.”

Max’s voice was starting to waver, and Kim noticed he was clinging on rather tight. “Kim… there’s something I’ve been meaning to say…”

And now the goodbyes were truly going to start. Kim’s eyes were stinging, but he tried to ignore it. He couldn’t start crying again, couldn’t he? He had cried enough for today!

“I’ve already told you a lot how much I care about you,” Max continued. “And you’ve told me, too. It’s not something we ever hold back on. In retrospect, I think I owe that to you. I tend to act very logical and rational, and you’re the opposite, and it really did me a lot of good. We’re… we’re a very good balance.”

Kim smiled. “I was gonna say the same! You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, Max.”

“You’re the best too! So open with your feelings, so free with your heart, so passionate and full of confidence and energy! No wonder I’ve liked you for so long. Well, that, and also you’re rather attractive…”

He was sure he was blushing hard. At least Max seemed to be blushing too, as invisible as it was with skin like his.

“I don’t want to make this too long. I know you want to see your family again as soon as possible, and the journey will be long. But…” Max sniffed. “…you’re like a dream come true. You’re the one encouraging the part of my brain that runs on emotions, rather than logic. And you’ve always been supportive! Ever since I first met you, probably ten years ago now. The fact that you love me back is a bonus, since your support is worth the friendship either way… oh, I don’t even know what I’m saying, I’m just rambling…”

“You’re doing the thing I always do,” Kim said. “That thing where I gush at you about how cool you are?”

“I suppose I am doing that. Though it’s not like I haven’t done it before.”

“Well it’s my turn now.” Kim willed himself to at least hold it together long enough to say something heartfelt – Max deserved that much. “Honestly, you’re so cool I still can’t believe you like me. I used to be a jerk and everything, but you’d still hang out with me, trying to tell me to be better, trying to get me to use my brain for once and stop being an idiot. And thanks to you, I did. I got nicer, I got better at schoolwork, I’m at least a bit less reckless now…”

“Kim, that wasn’t me! That was you, thanks to your own hard work and effort.”

“You helped, though. You’re always really supportive too. I mean, you were helping me out with all my hopeless crushes even though you were into me? I’m still not over that. And you stayed in quarantine with me for months, even though you’d been vaccinated and didn’t need it, and I feel like I can tell you anything and everything, no matter what. You’re like the best mix of a best friend and a sweetheart. When I’m with you I feel more… stable, I guess.”

Max’s smile had been growing wider and wider while Kim had been speaking. “I’m going to miss all these compliments so much.”

“I’ll still compliment you over the phone!”

“It’s not the same though, is it?”

“No, I guess not…”

“There’s another thing I wanted to say,” Max said, sounding far more nervous suddenly. “Do you remember that time when you… um… accidentally proposed to me?”

Kim’s heart leapt right up into his throat. He nodded – how could he forget it? That had been mortifying!

“Well, we’re too young for that, as I’m sure you know. But, that being said… if you feel the same way in about seven years or so, then uh… feel free to ask again…”

“I will,” Kim said, his brain already coming up with all sorts of cheesy romantic proposal scenarios in his head. “Exactly seven years from now, I’ll ask. Mark the date.”

Max grinned. “Perhaps I’ll surprise you by asking first…”

“No way, I’ll beat you to it for sure!”

“Oh really? Like how you beat me to confessing your love for me? Oh wait, that didn’t happen, because I got there first.”

“But I asked you out first!” Kim shook his head, laughing. “It doesn’t matter anyway. As long as it’s in exactly seven years. I’ll have time to let my kingdom get used to the idea. And then I’ll abdicate, or maybe we could do that thing Marinette’s parents did, where their kingdoms became twin-kingdoms and they split their time ruling both… oh, I don’t know. I’ll decide nearer the time.”

“Good, you need a while to relax now. These past years have been very stressful, and ruling a country won’t be easy either. Make sure you don’t burn yourself out.”

“I’ll try.” The prospect of leaving, going home and being coronated, was weighing on him again. “You make sure to look after Markov, and have fun, and go visit Alix lots, all that stuff…”

“Of course.” Max went up onto tiptoes suddenly, leaning in closer. “None of the porters are around, so how about a goodbye kiss?”

Goodbye kiss… why did those words hurt so much? Everything about this moment was so bittersweet. Everything about the past several months had been bittersweet, actually. Perhaps it was a side-effect of growing up. Maybe his whole life was going to be bittersweet from now on.

Well then, he’d better revel in the sweet parts, and learn from the bitter.

“Sure.”

He leaned in and kissed Max deeply, wrapping his arms around him tight, never wanting to let go. If he could stay here forever, he would.

But he couldn’t. He was a prince, soon to be king, and he had a duty. Plus, he would see Max again. This wasn’t goodbye forever.

He was already crying by the time he pulled away, tears spilling out of his eyes faster than he could wipe them away. Now that the moment had actually come to leave, it was hitting him just how much he would miss this place, miss all his friends, miss his sweetheart, everything. This school and everyone in it was a part of his life now. Letting go was not going to be easy.

“You’ll have to go back to pillows from now on,” Max mumbled, taking off his glasses to brush tears away from his eyes too. Kim laughed weakly, wondering if he was blushing again.

“Pillows can’t compare to you.”

“And robots can’t compare to you.”

“I’m still gonna tell Markov about that someday…”

Max smiled briefly, then looked over at the carriage waiting outside the doors. “Your carriage is waiting for you, Kim. And your family is too.”

“You’re right, I should go…”

“Kim, I love you. And just… thank you. For everything.”

“I… I love you too, Max…”

He was crying too much to be able to say anything, so he just pulled Max into one last ribcage-crushing hug, before turning and walking towards the carriage. The guards had opened the door and were waiting for him.

“My grandma says you’re getting a pay rise when y-you get back,” he said. “You deserve it.”

“Thank you, Your Highness,” the guard said with a smile, before shutting the door.

Your Highness… Soon he wouldn’t be called that anymore. Soon it would be Your Majesty. How quickly would he get used to that?

As the carriage set off down the path, Kim looked out of the back window. Max was standing at the entrance, waving. Kim waved back, though he wasn’t sure if Max would be able to see him through this tiny window. He noticed suddenly that up on the roof, Alix and Markov were there waving at the carriage too – how had they got there?! He waved at them too.

Slowly his friends faded out of sight, and the school did too. One chapter of his life was finishing, and the next was about to begin. Would it be as turbulent? As stressful? As dangerous? Hopefully not. At least he was much better at dealing with all that than he used to be, considering how much he had grown up over the past three years. Thinking back to his very first day of school, it was astounding to note the difference.

Now his spirits were lifting again, thinking of his family waiting for him at home. The familiar palace, those friendly servants, the sports rivals, everything and everyone he had been missing so much. Lê Chiến was still very dear to his heart, even after all the other places he had seen. From now on, that was what he had to focus on. Ruling his country and doing a good job, staying out of war, promoting new technologies, making allies. Everything he had been taught at school would surely help him out.

Yes, once he got back home he would not be a prince anymore. He would be King Kim, ruler of Lê Chiến. It was time to take the lessons he had learnt from the past, and put them towards making a bright future for himself, his country, and the entire world.

He looked forward to it.

[pauldron-pieces]

Elanor: Further Misadventures

Fandom: Dungeons And Dragons (5E)

Pairing: N/A, Elanor-Centric

Rating: Holy shit tame.

AN: This is a hypothetical narrative scenario featuring original characters in a world created by my Dungeon Master. As usual, this is non-canon and I own nothing aside from intellectual properties specifically attached to Elanor Amroth-Rubiaceae. This installment is mechanically unsound in a multitude of ways and ignores certain important lore facets.

Applicable trigger warnings are listed inside. Enjoy!

Taglist: @sporadic-fics and @cookiethewriter!

Inspired By: Piero Piccioni: Amore Mio Aiutami (main theme), Orison: The Butterfly and Séamus McGuire: Captain O'Kane

"El, get down!" Auguste's voice sounded oddly far away.

Elanor ignored him for the time being, continuing to hug the trunk of the tree. Just out of her reach overhead was a small nest, and in her smock pocket rested a bewildered, pin-feathered denizen of said nest. "Almost there, little friend." She promised the bird, her muscles burning with the unusual effort of climbing a tree. But she was nothing if not determined!

Elanor had stumbled across the baby bird while out looking for kindling for their morning fire, her rumbling stomach falling by the wayside in favor of returning the poor thing to its nest.

Auguste must have come looking for her because he too was hungry, she reasoned, scooping the chirping bird out of her pocket and stretching as high as she could. No sooner had she deposited the chick in its nest, however, than the branch she was tentatively standing on gave way.

Elanor yelped in a decidedly undignified manner, scrambling for purchase on another limb before she took a fall. There was a snort from beneath her and then Auguste called, "are you alright, El?"

"Yes." The woman squeaked, her eyes shut tight as she clung to this new limb for dear life. "Sir de Verley, I don't suppose I could ask you to lend me a hand? I...I'm afraid I'm stuck."

She cringed at the sigh the man unleashed. She must look absolutely ridiculous. "Step down with your left foot." Auguste instructed after a moment.

"Your left or mine?"

"Yours, I--El, it's the same damn thing." Meekly she obeyed, fumbling blindly until her boot rested on a solid surface. "Good, now move your left hand down. Then your right foot."

Gingerly the dark-haired woman descended the tree, her face burning with embarrassment. Once she was safely on the ground she took a moment to collect herself, untucking the skirt beneath her smock and straightening the wrinkled fabric. She then dared to glance up at Auguste's face, but he looked as stern as ever. At least he wasn't outright laughing at her. "Thank you, Sir de V--er, Sir Auguste." Elanor mumbled, reaching into the other pocket of her smock to present him with the small bits of kindling she had collected.

Auguste simply inclined his head in reply. On his shoulder, Muffin yawned insolently wide at her. The white cat made no bones about how he felt regarding small animals, having left several deceased creatures at the flap of her tent over the course of their travels.

"He doesn't want you to starve." Auguste had remarked when she came to him in a panic about the dead mole on her proverbial doorstep. "He thinks you're helpless."

I suppose he's not far off, Elanor mused ruefully as she followed Auguste back to their camp. The bow at Auguste's hip caught her eye and she idly watched it swing to and fro with his steps, her pace slowing as a thought took root in her mind.

Auguste seemed to realize she was falling behind, the older man turning his head to give her a quizzical look over his shoulder. "Something wrong, El?" He still said the nickname stiffly, as though it didn't sit right with him.

Elanor chewed on her lower lip, mustering up the courage to ask what she knew would be a futile question. "Sir Auguste, I know our time together will be...limited, but I was...would you be able to--er, teach me how to shoot?"

To think, she had spent years training in the ways of etiquette and the manner of the gentry, only for it all to fall flat the moment she left the Amroth estate. Elanor stared at the toes of her once-dainty riding boots, now caked with mud and scuffed grey from use.

Auguste was silent for what felt like an eternity, empty air yawning uncomfortably between them. "Why?" He queried finally.

"I...w-well you see, I've never learned much in the way of practical things. I can plan a party for seventy guests, but I'm at a bit of a loss when it comes to--" she gestured around at the trees. "--this."

"Miss El, you're heading to a convent. The only thing you'll have to battle there is boredom."

"I know!" Elanor snapped, her annoyance giving her the backbone to meet Auguste's gaze once more. "I have seen so little of this life, Sir Auguste. Before I am locked away from it forever, I would love dearly to learn what I can."

"And you think learning how to shoot will help ease the grief of being closed off from the world?" Auguste's words were blunt.

Elanor's heart sank. "No." She admitted softly. "But I...I still believe the skill may be useful to me."

Muffin mewled and Auguste hushed his familiar, scratching him under the chin while he studied the woman in front of him thoughtfully. "How far can you cast?"

Elanor blinked. "Oh, well...I'm not certain." She admitted. "I've never cast anything outdoors, you see."

"You've only ever done your casting inside?" Auguste was clearly incredulous, his eyebrows meeting his hairline.

"My family is...unaware of my ability, I didn't wish to-"

"Unaware?" The archer interrupted rudely. "You light up like a bonfire, from what little I have seen of your work."

"I'm afraid I was a bit of a black mark on the family name, so I haven't had nearly as much training as I should have." It wounded her to state the truth aloud and she hurried to continue, "certainly none out in the open."

De Verley muttered something under his breath that sounded suspiciously impolite. "We will start your lessons after breakfast, then."

×+×

The morning of their arrival to the convent came all too fast, it seemed. Elanor's heart felt like it was settling into her boots the closer they got.

She had read many a book about daring escapes, heard many a tale of heroes arriving just in the nick of time to save their charges from some mortal peril. Her head had been full of foolish ideas, she supposed sadly. There was no one in this world who might rescue her from this fate.

No one at all.

The sun beat down on them as they crested the final hill before the valley the convent nestled in. Staring down, Elanor could see several of the sisters working in a small field, while others appeared to be enjoying their simple breakfast in the main courtyard.

Her breath caught in her throat and she felt panic welling up, threatening to make her lose her composure. So this was it, then. This was the sleepy little haven she would be shackled to.

"I can go on alone from here, Sir Auguste." Elanor said faintly after a moment, certain that she had gone white as a sheet. Auguste was silent on his horse beside her, the man giving no indication that he had even heard her speak. She tried again, "thank you for taking such good care of me, and for showing me a few things. You've been very kind."

Still no reply. It was as if he was made of stone! Elanor hiccupped once, then straightened her shoulders and nudged her knee into her mount's side to urge him onwards. Onwards to this safe, sterile existence.

Auguste's gloved hand seized her horse's bridle, halting the beast. Elanor started, glancing over at the older man in confusion. He still wasn't looking at her, instead glowering down at the nunnery with a thunderous expression.

"You do not wish to go." The archer observed ponderously.

No, no, a thousand times no! "It is what my family has requested of me." Elanor knew it wasn't an answer.

"But you do not wish to go."

"I...I do not, I'm afraid."

His glove tightened on the bridle, making the leather squeak before he gave it a gentle tug, leading her horse to turn with his own. "Then I'm pleased to inform you that you're being abducted, El."

"W-What?"

"Got some kind of hearing trouble? I said, you're being abducted." The rare grin Auguste shot her was downright mischievous and she couldn't help the hysterical laugh that slipped out, nor the relieved tears she managed to blot away.

"Oh it's abducting, is it? Doesn't that imply that I'm an unwilling party?" She teased while their horses raced away from the rise.

"Fine, Miss El, what would you call it?" Auguste huffed.

Elanor knew her smile was improperly broad. "An adventure, Sir Auguste."

×+×

"Boots of what."

Elanor deflated a little. "Boots of...false tracks?"

"No." Auguste denied her flatly. "Look at them, they're gaudy as sin. And snake oil, I'll wager. Who's to say that they'll make your footprints that of someone else? If you encounter someone who can track you by nothing but the uneven indents of your hobnails, you'll need a lot more than some supposed fae boots to get you out of that predicament."

"Gods, you're as chipper as a funeral dirge this morning." Elanor retorted, sulkily depositing the gold-toed boots back on the merchant's counter. "It was just a suggestion."

"Well I suggest you recall that we are here for something practical," Auguste reminded her tartly. "A sturdy pair of normal boots, and an oilcloth cloak to keep off the rain. It'll do neither of us any good if you catch your death from wading in a swamp."

"There was a frog--" Elanor began to protest, but the older man was already holding a cloak up to her shoulders to gauge the size. She fell silent instead, letting him do as he wished.

Oh, she knew full well that she was being unreasonable! Pouting like a child when she didn't get her way. She hadn't slept much the night before, and her poor boots were still damp with mud from the swamp. Adventuring certainly seemed like a far messier business than the books had made it out to be.

Sir De Verley, bless him, had been doing his level best to instruct her despite the trials. Perhaps it was because he rarely smiled, but she was a bit fearful that he thought of her as a burden he regretted taking on. That worry hovered anxiously every time she managed to fumble up the simplest of tasks, though Auguste had never raised his voice in anger or berated her for mistakes like her tutors had. If anything, he was immensely patient with her.

Stricken with guilt at her behavior, Elanor desperately struggled to think of something to discuss. Her eyes landed on a familiar instrument tucked away on a high shelf, and she couldn't help the way she gasped. Auguste was instantly on guard, muttering, "what?" and sliding a hand surreptitiously to his side.

Elanor scurried across the store, leaving the confused archer in her wake. "A violin!" She exclaimed with delight, bouncing up onto her tiptoes in an effort to reach the shelf. Alas, she fell short by an inch or two.

A hand landed on the small of her back and then Auguste was looming over her, the man easily taking the instrument down. He deposited it into her waiting arms, looking bemused. Elanor couldn't bring herself to care, overjoyed at finding such an instrument so far from home. Just holding it recalled the few fond memories she had of her childhood, of music lessons with Uncle Artan and the parish ensemble.

In the midst of her happy reverie, however, the reality of her situation came crashing back down on her. Sturdy boots, an oilcloth cloak. Practical things. There was no room for such a frivolous instrument in this new adventuring life she had chosen.

Sobered, the woman began to ask Auguste to return the violin to its lofty perch, but he had apparently left her side. Concerned, Elanor looked around until she finally spotted him at the counter conversing with the Dwarven proprietor.

As she approached she caught the tail end of whatever conversation they had been having, the Dwarven woman bemoaning the fact that the violin hadn't made a sound when she tried to play it. "I love the fiddle, but what's the use if it refuses to be played? I keep it there as a conversation piece."

"I'll give you thirty gold for the damn thing." Auguste offered gruffly. "It's in decent shape, right? Has all the pegs and frills?"

"Well yes, but I never got it to work." The woman looked thoughtful, stroking her chin. "I'll tell you what. You can take it, the boots and that cloak you need for twenty-five. I won't be called a swindle by the likes of you, Sir De Verley." She said with a wink, chuckling a little.

Elanor's heart felt light as a feather, her body warm all over. Even though it's impractical…

×+×

"Thank you."

Auguste looked up from his bow, fixing her with his lone eye from across the campfire. "Excuse me?"

"I said, thank you." Elanor repeated.

"For…?" The woman gently thrust the violin in his direction and he waved her off, clearing his throat. "I knew I wouldn't hear the end of it if I didn't indulge you a little. Don't get used to it."

"It is appreciated all the same." Elanor insisted, smiling while she tuned the instrument.

Auguste scoffed, looking away. "Just don't blame me if it's broken. She did warn us, after all."

Elanor didn't deign to reply, applying some rosin to the worn horsehair bow and getting to her feet. The violin's neck felt oddly warm in her hand as she tucked the low bout beneath her chin, but she chalked it up to her proximity to the fire.

The first draw of the bow issued a long, low note, the sound resonating in the quiet night. Elanor had her eyes closed so she didn't notice the way Auguste flinched at the noise, the woman taking a few moments to experiment with the pressure of the bow.

Once she was content, she opened her eyes and gave Auguste a smug look. "Well now, Sir Auguste, we will see what tunes I can coax from this unruly instrument."

Her one-eyed companion snorted, "oh I'm certain you shall." His tone was dry as a desert. "What I'd like to know is why it refused to cooperate with the shopkeep."

"I couldn't say! Perhaps it's magical." Elanor laughed, settling the violin back into the crook of her neck.

"More likely it's cursed, shouldn't have bought the damn thing at all." Auguste griped. "I'm a fool for that, I'll…" he trailed off mid-sentence when Elanor slid into a half-remembered tune from her younger years. It was an odd recalling of half-sound, half-sensation, and the woman closed her eyes again to better focus on it.

The woods around them seemed to melt away, and she nearly forgot that Auguste was even there, so taken was she by the song. When she opened her eyes however, she found herself surrounded by a swath of tiny lights. Like fireflies that danced in time with her music, ebbing and flowing with the notes. "Oh…" Elanor breathed, surprised. Then...

"It's assuredly cursed." Auguste's grim statement broke the spell, and Elanor laughed until she cried.

The Nightmare

[ecotone99]

[SF] 'Chris Allen' part 2 by Connor J Lukasik

So I woke up in a hospital in the year 2070, after being shot and killed in the year 2019. When I woke up, I had no idea about the passed time. My younger brother paid big money to have me brought back, and he also brought back my deceased Mother, Father, and Sister. They died decades after me, and were overjoyed when they saw me again. We went to the house my brother had bought, and that's where my parents filled me in on what happened. My name is Chris Allen, I am 15 years old but technically 66. My story continues here. I stayed at the new house for a week, trying to catch up on history. All of my friends are dead or old now. School is gonna start soon. So in 2033, the US annexed Greenland, and Germany started a world war(again). The third world war lasted 15 years, with Germany, Australia, Venezuela, and Brazil fighting in the name of Modernistic Intrinism, a form of government that centered around extermination of any and all religions. The war ended with the annihilation of Germany. Nuclear weapons, however, were not resorted to in this war, somehow. In 2048, at the end of the war, the UK annexed the land that was once Germany, Russia annexed Australia, and Venezuela and Brazil became Karga, a capitalist nation. Throughout these decades, technology became better and better, and the average human lifespan increased so much that no one had or has gotten the chance to die of old age yet. Again, because of technology. In 2067, the US annexed Canada, and Mexico began considering joining the US. Relations between the US and Russia became better, as the two countries had become allies in the Third World War. Nothing too major has happened since 2067, three years ago. Now it's the first day of school and well... I gotta say I'm nervous. I mean come on... I'll be the only one there from Gen z, and I'm technically 66 years old. Awkward as hell. But maybe I won't be the only one there who is from an older time, I wasn't the only one who was killed in the shooting...aaand I'm here. The school was made mostly of glass, chrome-looking metal, and various wood types. It was a work of art. There's trees everywhere, and flowers and lots of green grass. Butterflies and bees flew around, the bees never bothered anyone and no one seemed anxious around them. I had all my school supplies, I was registered for school, so I walked into the school. No one payed any attention to me, my friends weren't hanging out in the plaza when I got there, everyone was different, I recognized no one. The bell rang, so I got to class. Everyone is tall, even most of the freshmen are at least 6'6". I am 5'10", so I'm pretty short compared to all these kids. I thought that maybe the average person in this time would have skinny arms and legs, but no. It's very common to use medicine to make people strong without working out, apparently. I got to my first period history class, and took a seat. The teacher was this guy who looked to be in his 60's. He introduced himself, and HOLY SHIT that's Jordan, my old best friend. But he's in his 60's now. He looks at me and smiles, recognizing me. The other kids were wondering why this old fuck seemed to know me. Jordan explained to them that him and I used to be friends, back in 2019 but I had died. They seemed at least slightly intrigued by this, but it wasn't like it was anything too alien. When Paul told us to put on the headsets, I was confused but everyone else just swiped there finger across their desk, then headsets materialized on their heads. I did the same, and the headset came over me. I was now in the year 1900, but the rest of the class and Paul were there. I realized that this was VR, and that this is how history is taught nowadays. We were in a busy town, with people rushing to the train station, people rushing to the store, and people reading the news papers. No one payed any mind to us, like we weren't even there, when in reality, it was them who weren't there. Paul began his lecture on the early 1900's and late 1890's. After history class, I went to living economics class, which seemed to be seen as more important in modern schools. I should mention that algebra, geometry, pre-cal, different sciences were electives, because not everyone needs or wants to study those things. In Living Economics, I learned quite a bit about modern society. People seem to be a lot more extrovertive and social, and getting a job is easy. As a matter of fact, doing your job is easy. People usually work around 2 hours on Monday through Thursday, and they didn't work at all on Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. Some people still make more than others, but pay fully based on how much work you put in, how productive you are, and creativity can get you bonuses in certain jobs. I went to lunch after Living Economics, because school started at 10 am, and it was already noon. I sat with some people that were obviously gamers and memelords, and they seemed very eager to meet me. Word had gotten around that I was from 2019, and some people thought that was cool. I talked to all of these kids, they're names are James, Kevin, Jason, and Sven. The name Sven became more common in the US after Pewdiepie became president of the US and declared war on t series. T series was destroyed, and frankly no one was disappointed. Their YouTube channel got deleted, and pewds tooks over YouTube once again. He is still alive in 2070. Anyway, the group filled me in on how the internet works nowadays. Most of the old websites still exist and thrive, and there are also new ones. Minecraft is still the greatest game of all time. Something I had noticed is cell phones are different. Everyone has a wristband on, and they press it lightly with one finger, then a glass phone materializes in their hand. The screens can only be seen from the front, for privacy. Jason threw his phone on the ground to show me that they just don't break. After lunch I went to PE. To be frank, it was kind of embarrassing but everyone understood. I was the shortest and the weakest in the class. All of my friends were in there though. We had fun, but I had a harder time with the workouts then everyone else. But as I said, they all understood. When PE ended at around 1:00, school was out. The schools in the future recognize that education is important, but it should not be the central focus if our lives. And also, we just google everything, duh. Me and the gang went to the river after I told my parents via a video call. They were so happy that I was making friends so quickly, then I told them how extrovertive everyone is, and I also told them about Jordan. They were like 'damn, ok' then I said goodbye and hung up. Many other kids from the school were there. The river had clear water, and was filled with healthy fish and plants. Around the river was trees and grass and rocks, we hung out on a river back which was made of pebbles and was very clean. A drone flew by and picked up our trash that we had bagged up already. We had no homework, so we spent the rest of the day at the river. At the end of the day, we all said goodbye and headed home. Everyone seemed to like walking places rather than biking or driving. I walked home and ate dinner with my family when we heard the doorbell ring. A screen appeared above the table, and my little brother Mark was at the door. We let him in, and he was, well, overjoyed at seeing us. He lived in northern Canada(still in the US), we live on the East coast. He had to finish up a project for work, then he was able to make his way down here. He was in his late late 50's now, but looked younger, probably due to technology and/or medicine. We all hugged and continued eating dinner, with Mark joining us. He owned a business in north Canada, which is why he had enough money to resurrect 4 people. We gave him one of our many extra rooms, and we all headed to bed not long after dinner. I lay in bed, thinking about the day. I made four friends in not just one day, but on the first one. I speculate that the extrovertiveness and lack of depression is probably because of medicines and/or vaccines. I look up to the ceiling as it turns into a 1 way mirror and I see the stars. The sky is so clear tonight, as it probably always is now. I close my eyes, and I fade into sleep.

(Thank you so much for reading part 2! Feel free to criticize and critique in the comments, and let me know your thoughts on the story! I might make a part three, but don't expect it too much. I feel like this is a good ending. Thank you!)

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