#holy shit this was a pain to transcribe

[crowvert-bird]

ok im done translating these i wanna put them in a video but its gonna take me forever to make so here u go!!

rough (if there is any) and polished translations of: the symbols that appear when pebbles is fucking around with artis drone, the single line that appears when hunter revives moon, nishs message to moon (found in rivulets campaign), pebbles message to moon (also found in rivulets campaign), moon talking to spears, pebbles talking to survivor post patch, and pebbles talking to survivor pre patch (idk wat patch it is, all i know is that when i looked in the glyph documentation and went to pebbles myself like a month ago like half of the symbols were different)

artis drone (not sure if it means anything but i translated it anyways)

translation (general): “I hope that you can learn about what you want, to care for the fact that you’re stuck in the cycle. I hope that you can manage to ascend past your chains, for your sake.”

translation (arti-centric): “I hope that you realize what you truly want. To be cared for, to be at peace. No more massacres hidden under the thin veil of revenge, it keeps you from reaching what you long for."

when hunter revives moon

translation: “(typing) Destroy the slag and repair this superstructure.”

nishs message to moon

rough translation:

(nish pfp) peaceful person who helps others

i saw ur situation (lack of water), i will sacrifice some things to help u

this rodent will help u get rid of ur slag

i want this rodent-

predatory rodent give the slag keys to u, moon, ur situation has driven me to find a way to help u.

(hunter pic (or info?))

this hunter will sacrifice itself for u

thats wat i want this rodent to do.

this rodent is a predator, it eats meat

i want u to know that.

im trying to find a way to get pebbles to stop

im sacrificing my resources for u

polished translation:

From: No Significant Harassment (1)

Hey, Moon, I noticed you were barely getting any water, so I’m sending over some slag keys. (2)

They are gonna be delivered by a carnivorous rodent. I’m aware of the unorthodox delivery method, but it is all I can do. (3, 4, 5)

(picture (or is it info?) of hunter)

This hunter specifically will be giving you your slag keys, look out for it. Be careful, it might eat your neuron flies!~ (6, 7, 8, 9)

I am still trying to get Pebbles to calm down though. So in the meantime, have this little care package. (10, 11)

pebbles message to moon

rough translation:

(pebbles pfp) sacrificing parts of me

ive been thinking about ur situation

ive been thinking.

i want-

-moon to be at peace.

know.

you.

im giving u this rarefaction cell

this is wat i want

(rarefaction cell pic or info)

polished translation:

From: Five Pebbles (1)

Over the past cycles, I have been reflecting on how my actions have caused your collapse. (2, 3)

And I have decided that I want you to be well, Looks to the Moon. (4, 5)

Yes, this sentiment, from me to you, Moon. (6, 7)

So I am giving you my rarefaction cell. I will be alright, I want this. (8, 9)

(rarefaction cell info)

moon talking to spears

rough: (moon doesnt know that spears is a messenger yet!!!)

my superstructures slag, slag wants to hurt me, my superstructure wants me to do something about it

(telling spearmaster to stop moving) ur making me uncomfortable

looking to fix (or prevent damage to) superstructure

im hurting, im working to get pebbles to stop taking my water

pebbles learn to realize that my superstructure is damaged, pebbles learn to stop hurting me

send message from my resources, i and my superstructure care about message

my message is about the state of my superstructure

im trying to figure out why hes not responding to me-

-to my message

(superstructure error message):

(“parasite” (in this context, in regular conversation its ”hunter”) flashing all over the screen)

im a creature tasked with looking for whats hurting moon

wats hurting moon is also hurting the superstructure, please figure out y and fix it

wats hurting the superstructure is an unknown material

polished translation:

The slag in my superstructure is causing damage to my structural integrity, to the point where I’m constantly getting told to fix the buildup. (1)

(if spearmaster moves too much) Please stop moving, it’s making me uncomfortable. (2)

So I’ve been trying to tell my neighbor to stop taking all of the groundwater by sending him messages about my current state. He hasn’t been responding to me though, and I’m not sure why. (3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

(superstructure error message):

(flashing all over the screen) Parasite (its actually hunter, it just means parasite in this specific situation)

Problem diagnosis: (10)

Damage caused by an unknown material is not limited to the puppet, it’s affecting the entire superstructure. Please fix this problem. (12, 13)

pebbles talking to survivor (post-patch, also the canon one imo)

rough translation:

a materialistic creature, u want to be free from this oscillating claustrophobia in ur chest, to find a way out

know that my entire superstructure relates to this feeling

other beings, experienced the same feeling, the same want, so they made me

im exploring this feeling, a way for me to ascend, others want  to solve the big problem

i give people that peace-

-but that keeps me attached to this world, it prevents me and my entire superstructure from getting a relief from this pain

an iterator i wont name who wanted to ascend was the sole discoverer of a tool to ascend, i aspire to ascend like she did

theres a problem with my tools being tied to this material plane, one caused by the passing of cycles

i will give you something that can destroy your material body (void fluid)

i will give you information from my superstructure

explore my territory and find how to sever ur attachments and disintegrate your material body, listen to my instructions

the mark will help u, know that it will help u ascend, know that it will help u

i want ur kind-

-to please fuck off and leave me and moon alone

polished translation:

A materialistic creature who wants to be freed from this oscillating claustrophobia in their chest, to find a way out. (1)

Know that you are not special. Every living thing experiences this same feeling, from the dull bugs that make up my superstructure, to me, who am, if you excuse me, godlike in comparison.

The good news first. The ancients who craved the same freedom you desire have created me and my kind to, as our very purpose, satiate that want. However, it came with the cost of keeping us attached to this world. I have been trying to achieve that freedom. Meanwhile, the others are toiling away, working on a solution. (2, 3, (look man it just isnt complete without pebbles describing himself as godlike), 4, 5, 6, (5 and 6 can just be smooshed in here with very little consequence ITS FINE!!!))

The bad news. Someone, who I aspire to be like, has discovered a solution but has not publicized it. And as the cycles pass, my equipment erodes into further stages of decay. (7, 8)

However, there is another way out, one that is achieved through the destruction of your material body. Listen to my instructions. Explore my territory in search of a highly corrosive liquid, then bathe in it to sever your attachment to this world. The Mark I gave you will help you find it. (9, 10, 11, 12)

In return I ask that you tell your kind, through whatever noises and dances you communicate with, to leave me and my neighbor alone. (13, 14)

pebbles talking to survivor (pre-patch, the not (or less) canon one)

rough:

creature still attached to this world, want to find a way out

creature learn that u relate to my superstructure

other beings that cared about this attachment, learnt about it and tried to find a way to be at peace

i and my kind were affected by their pursuit of existential peace, i study my material body, others dedicated themselves to their work on solving the big problem

my very being is to explore-

-to find peace for my superstructure

tool was made, from a lone discoverer that a way to ascend exists, i aspire to ascend like she did

i learned that the tools i used to hopefully ascend, have a problem rooted in material life

i will give what others have learnt about materialism, they care about your attachment

i will give The Mark from my resources

u can sever ur attachments, have no more need for peace(???), know that The Mark cares about ur materialism

cares about ur ascension, cares about u, cares about ur ascension from this material plane, will help

u and ur kind are bothering me-

-scratching ur way through my and my neighbors superstructures

polished:

A materialistic creature bound by their chains to this world, who wants to find a way out. (1)

Know that you are not special. This oscillating claustrophobia in your chest is something that every living thing experiences, from the dull bugs that make up my superstructure, to me, who am, if you excuse me, godlike in comparison. The good news first. The ancients who were deeply troubled by their own chains have studied it extensively in order to find a solution, and have created my kind to help perform that job for them. However, I have instead decided to study my own attachments. Meanwhile, the others have dedicated themselves to their work on solving the Big Problem. (2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

The bad news. Someone, who I aspire to be like, has discovered the solution but has not publicized it. And the equipment I use in my studies is eroding into further stages of decay. (7, 8)

However, there is another way out, one through the path the ancients took. You can sever your attachments and leave behind your need for peace. The Mark of Communication that I gave you will help you follow in their footsteps. (9, 10, 11, 12)

In return I ask that you tell your kind to stop scratching your way through me and my neighbor’s superstructures in an attempt to disturb me. (13, 14)

[ladykailitha]

Royal Pain Part 24

All righty, folks! Before we get to Steve, we have the band on tour and Eddie is really, really gonna go through it this chapter.

Pt 1 Pt 2 Pt 3 Pt 4 Pt 5 Pt 6 Pt 7 Pt 8 Pt 9 Pt 10 Pt 11 Pt 12 Pt 13 Pt 14 Pt 15 Pt 16 Pt 17 Pt 18 Pt 19 Pt 20 Pt 21 Meta Pt 22 Pt 23

****

Once they were on the road and the euphoria of getting the job offer of a lifetime wore off, a sense of unease settled in Eddie’s gut. He knew he should feel excited. He was doing the one thing he always dreamed about doing ever since his mom gave him his first guitar. A sweet little acoustic that he had written “This Machine Slays Dragons”. He still had it, but right now it was safe with Wayne.

But he didn’t. He just felt empty. Not good or bad. Just...empty. Like a bottle leftover from some party. Once part of a good time, now just an empty shell.

Eddie looked over at his friends. Jeff and Brian were talking, while Gareth was asleep. He pulled out his sweetheart. The way he always did when he got down.

He closed his eyes and began to play. The chords where slow and mellow. He wasn’t sure how long he played like that, just pouring his soul out into his music, but when he opened his eyes he saw that all three of his friends were staring at him open-mouthed.

“Holy shit, dude,” Brian said after closing his mouth with audible click. “Where did that come from?”

Gareth waved a piece of paper in his hand. “I wrote down as much as I could, because seriously, that was fucking incredible.”

Eddie ducked his head and blushed. “I guess I just needed to work out some shit.”

Jeff and Brian shared a glance and then Brian moved over and sat next to him.

“I think I know what you mean,” he said. “And I think you should write the lyrics too.”

Eddie looked up at him and then at Jeff and Gareth. They nodded.

“I just don’t know,” he said. “It all feels too personal to write down.”

Jeff scoffed. “And that’s exactly why you should. Because it’s personal. There’s a damn good reason that you’ve written ninety percent of our songs, man.”

Gareth nodded. “Because you’re fucking brilliant at it. Write the song. I think everyone needs to hear it.”

Eddie nodded. He got right to work on the lyrics. Taking what Gareth had transcribed and reworking the song with the lyrics. He was nearly done by the time they stopped.

Brian patted his shoulder. “Hey, man. Don’t worry, we’ve got this. You continue working on your song. I’ll send someone to get you when it’s time for the sound check, okay?”

Eddie let out a shuddering sigh. “You guys sure you don’t need an extra hand?”

Gareth laughed. “Fuck we need several, but don’t worry about yours. They’re doing the important part.”

Jeff nodded. “Yeah, we’ve got this.”

*

Eddie wasn’t sure how long he was lost in his head working on the song, but he had just put down his pen when there came a knock on the door.

He got up to answer it and saw a small Hispanic woman standing out there. “Yeah?”

“It’s sound check time,” she said. “And the drummer said something about a set of headphones or something?”

Eddie looked around and spotted the sound-canceling headphones by the table. He picked them up. “I’ve got them. I’ll make sure he gets them.”

He closed the door but it hadn’t closed all the way because he heard her say, “God, what kind of loser wears noise canceling headphones to a metal concert.”

Eddie���s blood turned to ice. He picked up his guitar and carried it out of the bus.

Thankfully she wasn’t around otherwise he would have blown up at her.

He made his way through the labyrinth that was the backstage to get to where he needed to be for the sound check.

Gareth came running up to him. “Oh thank god! I thought I lost them already.”

Eddie scoffed. “Nope, just left them on the bus like a dork.”

Gareth stuck his tongue out at him.

Eddie got to work setting up for his kit. He was almost done when a sound guy came up to him.

“We’re having trouble syncing our sound to your drummer’s headset,” he told him. “Does he need them for this?”

“What’s the problem?” Eddie asked. “They didn’t have trouble in Indy.”

The guy sighed. “Our system is newer and it’s causing feedback.”

Eddie pulled out fifty bucks from his wallet. “Go buy a pair that works. And if that doesn’t cover it, I’ll pay you back.”

The guy just rolled his eyes and did as he was told.

They played that night to a sell out crowd. They were only opening for Metallica, but damn the crowd got them going. Afterwards he called Steve and chatted about their day. His day was more exciting to be sure, but he loved hearing about the client that passed out at the sight of the needle. Apparently they hadn’t realized that tattooing in involved the pesky things and had an absolute fear of them.

Then someone was tapping him on the shoulder telling him had to go. He said goodbye to Steve and was rushed out the door.

Even though they only had three shows in those two weeks, they were quickly learning that playing wasn’t the only thing a band had to do on the road.

There were parties, and talk and radio shows, and photo shoots, and signings.

Sometimes he would get to speak to Steve, but most of the time it was leaving voicemail after voicemail.

All around him he kept hearing:

“Three weeks isn’t a relationship! It’s a fling!”

“He’s not a fan of metal? What is he a fan of?”

James came up behind Eddie and clapped him on the back. “Everything okay back home?”

Eddie stared at his phone. He had just left his third message that day with Steve.

“Yeah,” he said, voice shaking a bit. “It’s just we were so new to the relationship part, we were friends before that, that I worry being on tour has hurt us in someway.

James nodded. “It’s hard being on the road, away from family. It’s why most of us take them with us when we can.”

Eddie chewed on his lip. “It’s hard because he has his own tattoo shop and recently took on two apprentices so he’s like super busy.”

James pursed his lips. “That can certainly make it hard. What time is he off?”

“Eight.”

“Tell you what,” he said. “Instead of doing on encore tonight, why don’t you boys bow out and spend time talking to your families. It’ll be good for morale all around, I think.”

Eddie sighed gratefully. “Yeah. I’ll bring it up to them and see what they say.”

James squeezed his shoulder and went on his way.

“If the drummer doesn’t like noise why did he chose drums as an instrument?”

“A drummer that startles at loud noises? Get a new drummer!”

Lars paused them on their way to the sound check in Houston. “Hey, I know you guys are only doing a couple more shows, but after that fiasco with the Chicago guys me and the boys decided to spring for everyone to get a set of these.”

He handed the case to Eddie.

He opened it up to reveal little black earbuds. “What are these?”

“It’s what all touring artists wear,” Lars explained. “They’re fitted to cover the full inside of the earlobe to drown out the sounds around you so you can hear your own music.”

“Oh wow, that’s neat.” Eddie put one in and was amazed at the quality. “Thanks, man. I appreciate it.”

Lars grinned. “It’s mainly for your drummer. Everyone deserves accommodations for any kind of disability and if the loud noises bother him, it makes it hard for everyone else to concentrate because you guys are worried about him.”

Eddie smiled. “Thanks!”

“It’s a pity that tattoo will never be finished. I could give you the name of my artist if you want!”

“It’s a shame that your tattoo artist wasn’t good enough to finish the tattoo before you left, maybe you could get covered with something else. Something better than that.”

The band was admiring Eddie’s back tattoo.

“I’m really liking the details, man,” Kirk said.

Robert nodded. “Hell yeah. Who’s your artist? He does some really sick work.”

Eddie blushed, grateful his back was too them. “He’s my boyfriend, Stevie.”

“Damn, you’ll never have to pay for another tattoo ever again,” Lars said. “Lucky.”

Jeff laughed. “Nah, knowing Steve, he’d probably charge Eddie an extra mayhem tax.”

Kirk and Lars shared a look and then nodded unison.

“Fair,” the said together.

Eddie yelped, “Hey!”

He turned to Gareth and Brian, but they agreed with Jeff, too.

“And they said I’m the menace.”

“Ooh, honey, let me take you somewhere private. Your boyfriend will never know.”

“It’s a shame he’s gay, all the girls are just gaga for that doe-eyed look of his.”

Eddie turned down another request to share his hotel room. Never mind that he was sharing with all the other members of Corroded Coffin and wouldn’t have had any kind of privacy. Never mind he had a boyfriend back home. Never mind he was gay.

It didn’t seem to matter with these people. Hot rock star equals slut apparently.

“How the hell do you do it?” he asked James. “You have been married to the same woman for twenty five years and you still get women throwing themselves at you.”

“It’s hard,” James said with a shrug. “But she’s more important then any roll in the hay ever will be.”

Eddie nodded, pursing his lips. Steve was more important then any roll in the hay. He could hold on to that.

“I know he’s your friend, but maybe it’s time to get a touring drummer. He can still record with you or whatever. But he’s really holding the band back right now.”

Gareth isn’t just some guy. He was family. He wasn’t even Corroded Coffin’s first drummer that dubious honor went Kyle Creevy, a snot nosed, freckled kid whose arms were barely thicker than the drumsticks he played with. But he moved right before Eddie’s ninth grade year and Gareth just slid into their lives.

They may have been playing at the Nightmare Holes for seven years but the band been together for much longer than that. They had been playing for over a decade. And unless they had someone that could learn their music in mere months were Gareth had taken years...they could fuck off.

God, the members of Metallica had been playing together for forty years and the only change they’d made was when a member fucking died.

“That back tattoo of yours is really not a good look. It’s the biggest part and no one will ever see it.”

Eddie couldn’t make them understand the tattoo wasn’t meant to be seen, it was meant to be felt. To put to feeling growing up as a small town pariah and making it out. Not ending up in jail like his dad or dead like his mom. To be the Freak and turn it into something special. To finally find his wings.

Steve understood. God, he missed Steve so much and he felt like he was pulling away. It was like a rubber band being stretched. It might snap or might not, but whatever happened it would never be the same.

The members of the band’s team shooed these people away when it got to be too much for him.

“Fame and fortune wait for no man. It’s time to lose the dead weight.”

He came close to punching that guy. Some haughty agent they met in Houston.

It was thrilling to watch security throw him out.

“The long hair went out in the eighties, darling. I really think a half shaved look would be better for you.”

Eddie laughed at that last one straight in their face. Kirk fucking Hemmet still had long curly hair, they could fuck the fuck right off.

But then the tour was over. They were going home.

****

Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Epilogue

Tag List: @spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog @artiststarme @swimmingbirdrunningrock @gregre369 @pyrohonk ​@bookworm0690 @chaosgremlinmunson @goodolefashionedloverboi @chaoticlovingdreamer @maya-custodios-dionach @messrs-weasley @val-from-lawrence @plyerice27 @thedragonsaunt @sapphirecobalt-1 @a-little-unsteddie @i-must-potato @danili666 @carlyv @rozzieroos @wonderland-girl143-blog @itsall-taken @justforthedead89 @emly03 @aizawa-emma @yikes-a-bee @redfreckledwolf @thesuninyaface @bookbinderbitch @archermightbegay @littlewildflowerkitten @scheodingers-muppet @hallucinatedjosten @ellietheasexylibrarian @anne-bennett-cosplayer @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @bestwifehaver @xxfiction-is-my-realityxx @oldwitcheshat @nightmareglitter @tinyplanet95 @novelnovella @jonesn4coffee @slowandsteddie @awkwardgravity1 @steaddie-on

[lurkingteapot]

Step by Step ค่อย ๆ รัก Ep 3

Ep 3, let’s go.

- Oh, this is the kind of “morning after” regrets that really … urgh.

- (standard disclaimer of “I’m not fluent but”) text convo has some linguistic nuance lost in subs, not just because the subs cut off: Pat addresses Ae as เจ๊ /tɕéʔ/ (honorific for older women, particularly of Chinese descent) and talks about Jeng as ‘Khun Jeng’; Ae, in her response, calls Pat อีพัท /ʔiː pʰát/ -- his name with impolite/intimate prefix อี /ʔiː/, commonly transcribed as ii or ee, the feminine-speaker equivalent of dudes calling their friends ไอ้ /ʔâj/ [name] -- and มึง /mɯŋ/ while using กู /kuː/ for herself.

พัท มึงบ่นเรื่องนี้กับกูมาจะอาทิตย์นึ่งแล้วค่ะ อยากรู้ก็บอกเลยสิคะอีเสือ ไม่ก็ทำอะไรสักอย่างเถอะ ถือว่ากูขอ!!

“Pat (derogatory), you’ve been bugging me about this for a week now.” “If you want to know, just say so, tiger (derogatory)” “Or if not that, just do something, I’m begging you here!!”

She’s throwing ค่ะ/คะ “kha”s in there (Pat was not using polite particles with her) which gives it an overall sarcastic/exasperated tone, and I’m pretty sure given the overall tone the อีเสือ /ʔiː sɯ̌ːa/ is also meant as a “you coward” kind of thing considering tigers are generally considered strong, brave, and bold – sort of like English “go get them, tiger”.

As always: more advanced speakers please chime in with additions/corrections, I appreciate opportunities to learn.

Okay, on with the episode …

- Jaab is Jeng’s BROTHER???? Oh this explains SO MUCH, whoa, not least the friggin names (one’s เจ๊ง -- (very) skilled, great, awesome, one is จ๊าบ -- cool, spiffy, sharp-looking …)

- oh no, he’s read it and he’s worriiiiied/taking it to heart :(

- oh no oh no Jaab baby “Do you (big brother) have a method how to stop liking someone?” these disaster brothers, I swear.

- oh goodness, Jeng, is that the approach you’re currently trying to take with Pat?

- Jaab I get that you’ve got a crush but ffs stop hitting on the dude with a boyfriend, that way lies pain for all involved.

- oh god this is excruciating

- ahaha plot twist (of COURSE)

- he can COOK, too!! my GOODNESS

- remembering all the reasons I’ll never be a party person, yike

-15k?? what in the hiso, who’s dropping that kind of money?

- okay this is just toxic now, in both the literal and metaphorical sense of the word.

- love this “I only know this person by the name they go by in daily life because nobody ever uses their legal name” thing

- careful with the camera ffs those things are EXPENSIVE

- Jaab, you’re self harming here and I’d like you to stop

- okay but Jen you’re also NOT HELPING

- these two are like a car crash

- OISHI ZERO my old friend

- oh kids don’t DO this to yourselves

- … what was this cut, am I missing something? (youtube)

- the AWKWARDNESS here, holy shit

- omg, did he crash at A Place Of Jeng’s? we knw that they Jeng said he didn’t go back to the apartment he shares with his brother, so …????

- okay apparently these men just have too many houses (or I’m misunderstanding things, which is just as likely)

- ohhh Pat come ON this is NOT HELPING

- AWKWARD

- I’m laughing my ass off at Jeng, he’s incredible.

-  “WORK DISCUSSION” you’re making it WORSE please Jeng

- vibes say this is yet another dad for the bad dads of BL collection, huh. Jury’s out on the mother.

- Pat, WHY are you still in Jeng’s clothes

- … Jeng, is this you worrying about him? because “you’re so slow” is NOT the way to get people to feel supported.

- this is hitting my second hand embarrassment squick HARD rn, yikes

- oh you’ve got it BAD, Jeng, huh.

- Jeng really can’t catcha break, poor dude

- I want to go to Pearl & Oliver, that place looks so nice, gd

- ah, the classic “booze-fuelled honest conversations that half of the participants won’t be able to recall the next day” trope

- oh nooooo like Jeng needed confirmation that there’s ~potential there

- It’s so unusual to see actual more-or-less professional behaviour out of BL ship part, this is incredible (maybe sad that I think it’s incredible, idk)

- Nan is my favourite for REASONS, okay. PROFESSIONAL.

- … okay I take that back, the boy is thinking too much already, he doesn’t need MORE fodder for that, yikes

- Jeng is so sincere, it hurts me, goodness. He’s trying so hard!!

- oh no oh no this is BAD, you don’t get the aggressor and the victim into the same room for this kind of thing, ffffffffffff that’s gonna make things harder for Pat.

---

I love the pacing of this, and the fact that by starting late I don’t have to wait a week for ep 4. Good going me.

[imagination-is-key-in-my-world]

Lockdown

Authors Note: I am a British writer and luckily enough I have never actually had to experience something like this happening. I cannot imagine what it must be like. There is reference to the ‘shooting’ during the fanfiction, therefore, I do not blame anyone if they differ from reading this. Nothing is graphic and if anything it only gets mentioned for a small portion and there is no one hurt either. I would really like to do a part two. Let me know if anyone is interested.

Summary: It was just a normal day in Beacon Hills. Y/N and her friends were going about her business when a gun threat disrupted the balance of things. Strangers and potential foes grew closer as their lives hung in the balance.

Warning: Gun Threat, Swearing, Adult Language and Themes

Pairing: Reader x Stiles Stilinski

Word Count: 3,787

“You can not tell me that you didn’t just see that look he gave you?” Jackson brushed up against my side as I tried to jot down the new notes that Coach was terribly transcribing on the chalk board. I mean was that even spelt correctly, how did this man become a legal teacher?

“It is probably just in your head Jackson.” I counter.

“No he is seriously giving you the stink eye. What is McCall’s problem?”

I shrug him off as he is up to his typical shit stirring mode. Jackson and I are neighbours and long-time friends. Since I was nine, we were barely ever apart, we shared our biggest secrets with one another. Mine was that I am the daughter of two illusive demon hunters. I am the only person who knows that he has been pretending to be someone who he is not. Jackson has been in a secret relationship with Ethan. Deep down Jackson was a sweetheart. A sweetheart who cannot control his mouth or fists but Ethan and I are working on that.

“Come on Y/N!” He bumped my arm which made my hand jerk and my notes start to resemble that of Coach’s horrible penmanship. If there is one thing that I hate, its when my notes are not written one hundred percent perfectly. I slam down my pen and turn abruptly in my chair to face Jackson, which sparks some attention from the brunette boy on the table in front. He did not fully turn his head around which was lucky for me as my cheeks immediately go red from embarrassment.

“What is your problem Jackson?” I enquire, nostrils practically flaring which only invoked a chuckle from my best friend.

“Take that chip off of your shoulder and listen to me would you.” He countered as he pushed a note into my hand. “Read this and tell me you wish I left you to copy down that gibberish from the board.”

I huffed and started to carefully unfold the piece of paper. Coach didn’t really care if we showed up to the lesson, let alone if we were actually listening. I read it three times before I actually registered what the words were telling me.

Hey Y/N If you could would you be able to meet me in the west stairwell after 3rd period? You look really pretty today, btw    

“Jackson, who is this from?” The boy shrugged and dropped his head to focus on the words coming out of Coach’s mouth. “Don’t pretend like you care about what he is saying” I gesture to the shaggy haired man “now tell me at least who you got this from.”

Jackson pointed to Lydia who was not at all aware of the two pairs of eyes on her as she casually scribbled in her journal. “But I have no clue who had the note before her. It was probably that McCall.” He sneered. I exhale disappointedly, as much as Scott was a nice guy and all, I don’t want this to be from him. I do not have anything against the guy, he is just not someone who I would want to be interested in me. He seems to always be around trouble, and that is something I cannot be involved in.

“Why don’t you just go and see who it is. I will go with you and if it turns out to be McCall, I will rescue you.” He gave my hand a slight squeeze for reassurance and gazed down at my notebook. “By the way what did you get for number four?”

I laugh a little too loud which causes the brunette to turn around and give me a quick glance that I couldn’t translate in time before he was facing the front again. Again, my cheeks flared, the same way that they do every time his eyes meet mine. I shake the thought away and turn back to my friend. “Jackson, did you think this was a test the whole time? Number four is literally asking you to write down your height.”

 _____________________________________________________________

I was packing my stuff into my bag as the bell rang. “So, are you going to meet this mystery person?” Lydia enquired as I put my water bottle into the slot at the side of my bag, looping the strap over my one arm.

Lydia and I do not really talk, but considering she was my only lead on who this note could have been from, I bit the bullet and spoke to my lab partner. As we were filling the beakers with corrosive liquid, I came straight out with it. “So, about this note you handed to Jackson for me? Do you know who it was from?”

Lydia shook her head, a little startled that I asked her a question that wasn’t ‘can you pass me the pipette?’ “No, to be honest I can not even say who had passed me the note. When I looked down from the board it was just there lying on top of my journal. I am sorry Y/N, I wish I were able to help more but I honestly wouldn’t be able to say who gave it to me.”

I was a little discouraged by only knowing what I did during first period and it was now third. I was meant to meet this person in only a matter of minutes. Lydia and I continued to talk throughout the class. She was really nice to talk to, but I could sense that there was something about her that wasn’t normal. I couldn��t put my finger on it, but there was something.

“I have no clue if I am going to go or not.” I admit, letting the anxiety slip in. It would be hard enough for me to go through with it even if I knew who it was I was going to meet up with. This person said I was ‘pretty,’ for all I knew this could be a joke. That’s all I needed, I was already the girl with all the ancient supernatural protection runes all over my person and possessions. My mum and dad are hunters, and I have been brought up in a world where I cannot go anywhere without some protection. The salt and holy water in my bag is proof of that.

“Well, I hope whoever it is, knows how amazing you are. If he doesn’t, he will have me to deal with.” She bumped my hip with hers and waved as she left the lab.

I picked up the last item on the table and turned to leave the classroom when I was knocked onto the floor, landing hard on my butt. At first, it felt as though I had walked straight into an invisible force field. Little had I registered that it was a person.

“Oh shit!” It was the brunette from this morning. ‘Dammit’ I thought. I could already feel my cheeks start to turn red. Why did this always have to happen. “Are you okay? I didn’t mean to; I wasn’t looking where I was going.” The brunette boy bent down to help me up from the floor.

I brush off my jeans once I am back on my feet, avoiding making eye contact with the boy in front of me. He too looked really nervous as if this incident was his worst nightmare. “I- it’s o- okay.” I stutter. Really voice, of all the times you want to fail me, it’s now. “I w- was just going.” I try to walk past him when a blaring siren started ringing throughout the school.

Panic flashed across my face and his too. Everyone’s worst nightmare, a gun drill. The siren was one hundred percent recognisable. “Get down!” The brunette boy threw himself at me as I yet again landed flat on my backside but with him on top of me this time. We were both frozen for a couple of seconds, my eyes locked on his and it might sound girly, but I could literally lose myself in them.

Finally, he lifted himself up off me and slid underneath one of the tables. I copied and mirrored him under the table in front of his. “I’m sorry, I thought I saw someone walk past the window inconspicuously behind you. I just panicked.” His eyes searched my body, the way that I was now hugging my legs, resting my chin on top of my knees. “Oh God, did I hurt you?” Fear flooded his face at the thought that he may have caused me any pain.

I shake my head. “No.” I whisper. “I’m okay, thank you.” My hand instantly goes to play with the locket that hung around my neck.

“What’s that?” His eyes caught my fingers tracing the metal details.

I freeze. “What’s what?”

The brunette flicked his head towards the chain that was between my fingers.

“Oh, it’s a necklace my dad gave me, to protect me.”

The boy smiled. “That’s cool. My dad gave me a baseball bat to protect me.” I felt the corners of my lips rise into a slight smile.

“I bet you wish you had it now?” I enquire.

The boy sniggered. “If only a bat was an equal match.” I knew what he was on about. A bat could not compare to a gun. “Wanna know something funny?”

“Something funny would be great right about now.” I could feel my foot start to twitch the way that it did when my mum and dad were out on a hunt. Total and utter uselessness. I was a sitting duck.

“My dad once told me that I am always at the centre of some drama.” He let out a sigh. “That wasn’t really that funny was it?”

I shake my head but smile. “Your dad seems like a smart man.”

He smiled and raised a hand to ruffle his hair. God why did he look so good when he did that. “He has to be, I mean he is the sheriff.”

“You’re the sheriff’s son?” I question my eyes went wide in shock. I had heard a lot about this boy. He was best friends with Scott McCall and his dad is right, he always seemed to be in trouble.

He smiled beautifully if that were possible during a terrifying circumstance. “Yeah, you didn’t think it was a coincidence that I am called Stiles Stilinski and there would be no relation to Sheriff Stilinski?” His smile and baffled tone made me smile back at him. “It’s not as common as most surnames. I mean what’s yours?”

“Winchester.” I reply.

“Now that is not a common surname.” He leaned out from under the desk with his arm stretched out. I took his in return. “Nice to meet you Y/N Winchester.”

“You too Stiles Stilinski.” My eyes locked onto his and our hands clung to each other. It felt like we had been holding hands for hours, completely frozen in each other’s gazes.

Suddenly there was a loud pop that rang throughout the building. This tore our hands apart finally. I retreated under the table and moved my legs back up to my chest, creating a shield. Stiles did the same but did not take his eyes off me. I started gripping onto my locket as my breathing became more rapid. I was normally better at threats, my parents dealt with the supernatural world. They battled ghosts, demons, vampires and even werewolves and yet a civilian with a gun going around the school, finger on the trigger, changed me into a nervous wreck.

There was this scuffling noise and suddenly there were arms around me holding me tight. “Shh, its okay Y/N.” Stiles was holding onto me, trying his best to soothe my breathing down. “Breathe with me okay. Copy me. Y/N, you need to look at me.” His hands were either side of my face as he whispered to keep our location a secret. “You can do this. Ready?”

My eyes locked onto his, tear stains running down my cheeks. I watched him attentively as he took each breath. I copied never losing eye contact with those light brown eyes. “That’s it. One more time okay?” His thumb caressed my cheek as I nodded. My breathing finally falling back into place. I take my last breath and let it fall. “That’s it.”

I thought now that my breathing was back to normal that Stiles would release me, but he didn’t. He held his grasp onto my body and did not look away. “Are you okay?” He whispered, his voice getting caught in this throat. Part of me wanted to say yes, to pretend that I was this tough girl. But the boy had just seen me during a panic attack. Me saying that I was not okay wasn’t going to come to be that much of a surprise. I shake my head.

“It’s okay not to be okay sometimes.” I went to wipe a tear that was falling from my cheek but Stiles was there before I got a chance. “Do you want to know a secret?”

I nod, dropping my legs from my chest. “I’m afraid of a lot of things. My friends and I, we face a lot of scary things and for most of it, I feel like I will die. But the thing is, we could die. But that could happen any day and at any time. I believe that we live through the scariest moments in our lives so that we can tell people about them.”

“What was the scariest moment in your life?” I ask, my voice all croaky from holding back the tears.

“Well apart from this one?” He pauses as he gathers his thoughts. “The scariest moment in my life was the day that something possessed my best friend and it led him to almost commit suicide.” I gasp, shocked by what he had just confessed.

“What happened?” I have dealt with possessions before, that wasn’t the part that shocked me.

“Well we went on a school trip and there was something supernatural that had possessed my friends, they were driven to madness. Scott picked up a flare, he was covered in gasoline, it was all around him.” He broke off as his voice cracked. “I walked over to him and held his hand and the flare. I told him that if he needed to do it, then we were both going to go. I was and always will be by his side.”

I took his hand this time and I felt him jump. “I had no idea. I am so sorry that that happened.” Stiles was staring at our entwined hands.

“But the other scariest moment in my life was when I wrote you that note.” I felt a sharp thump to the chest. I was so stupid, how did I not know it was the cute boy who sat in front of me in practically every class that we had together. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course.” I respond. Stiles had not lifted his head since our hands connected.

“Were you going to come and meet me? I mean obviously before all of this happened.”

I stop and think. Was I? I hadn’t given that moment another thought since the siren went off. It felt like days ago I had been handed the note. “I don’t know.”

“Oh.” Stiles’ tone was defeated and sombre. His grip on my hand also weakened the minute my response registered. “I know it was a stupid thing to do. I just thought that if I was going to take a jump and finally try to ‘make my move’ as they say.”

“Stiles, it’s not that I don’t appreciate the gesture-“

“It’s just you don’t like me. I get it. I actually get it a lot.” His head dropped and he tried to pull away. I feared that he was going to leave me alone under the table and return to his own.

“No stiles it wasn’t that-“

“Is it cause I’m weird looking? Dad and Scott say I look a little odd.” The boy was rambling.

“No you’re not weird looking-“

“Then it is because of the way I talk isn’t it?”

“No it-“

“It’s my clothes then isn’t it? I dress in a lot of tartan. You know some people say-“ I grab the boy, placing a hand behind his head I pull his lips towards my own. Stiles’ eyes widened the second my lips connected to his. But soon enough his hands drifted from his side and tied themselves in my hair pulling me deeper into the kiss. It was as if Stiles had come alive once we kissed. Our lips moved in time with each other almost as if they were made to do this and only this. The shy boy became more confident and definitely more dominant as his tongue lightly brushed my bottom lip. I let his tongue meet my own, and his moan vibrated against my mouth.

Our bodies moved in sync with each other. My one hand entwined in his hair while the other draped down his back. His were on my hip and the back of my neck as we both pushed ourselves closer together if that were possible.

When I broke the kiss, his pupils were wide in surprise and desire. “Why did you stop?” Stiles questioned, brushing a strand of my hair behind my ear.

“I would have met up with you Stiles.” I whisper into his ear. When I pull my head away from his neck his eyes were wider than they were when the kiss broke apart. “But maybe next time, you should author your notes, perhaps?”

A cheeky grin spread out across his face as my words registered. “Wait, does that mean I forgot to say it was from me, that you’d be meeting me.” I nod as the boy put the puzzle pieces together. “I am an idiot.” The boy slapped his own forehead at his carelessness. “Can I ask you another question?” I smile and nod. “Can we do that kiss again? I really liked it.”

The smirk on his face was enough for me to give into his charms. Before I could lean in, Stiles had grabbed me by my hips and pulled me onto his lap. I hooked my arms around his neck and allowed his lips to connect with mine, his hands firmly on the space between my hips and my ass. It was a bit of a squeeze under the table, the top of my head was rested on base of the table. I was aware that I may have gum in my hair because of this, but I didn’t care. Hearing his moans as my hands trailed from the back of his neck and down his spine was enough for me to crumble within his arms.

Stiles’ lips drifted away from my own but instantly connected into the crook of my neck. This time it was my turn to let out a moan. “Stiles.” I sighed when he hit the right spot and began to suck on it with his hot breath spreading across my skin.

Both of us jumped apart when we heard a cough from the front of the lab. There stood Scott McCall. I was just thankful that it wasn’t Coach or any other member of the School Faculty. I looked back at Stiles who for once didn’t seem happy to see his best friend. “Not exactly what we were taught to do during a school shooting, Stiles.” He nodded towards me “Y/N, Jackson is worried about you, he said you were not answering your phone.”

Stiles detangled me from his lap and helped me to my feet in front of the table rather than being under it as we had previously been.

I pulled out my phone and funny enough there was sixteen missed calls from Jackson and twenty-two messages from him as well as a couple from my own father. Not cool Jackson do not get my dad involved in this.

“What are you even doing out in the open, Scott?” Stiles grilled. “There is a school shooting going on you know.”

“Dude that ended about twenty minutes ago, your dad came arrested the guy. The teachers announced that we could all go home. I was on my way home when Jackson came up to me and asked me if I had seen Y/N. When I told him no, he went into panic mode and started running up and down the corridors.”

I felt my phone vibrate in my hands, Jackson again. “Hello?”

“Oh my God. Thank God you’re okay. Are you still in the school? Where are you? I will come and get you and take you home.”

I look up at Stiles who held onto my hand and gave me the sweetest smile. “Jackson I am okay. I think I am going to get a ride with someone else. Thank you for always looking after me. I love you.”

“It’s my job. Who are you with so I know you are safe, put them on the phone?”

I hand the phone over to Stiles who takes it apprehensively. “He wants to make sure I haven’t concocted some excuse to avoid listening to Taylor Swift in his car, again.”

“Hello?”

“Oh my God, Stilinski? What are you doing with Y/N?”

Stiles pulls the phone away from his ear and places a hand over the microphone. “I don’t think he is too happy that you’re with me.” I laugh and he put the phone back up against his ear. “Jackson I will look after her, I promise. Enjoy Taylor Swift though. I really like the one she sings with Ed Sheeran.” He pulls the phone back and hits the end call button on the screen.

Scott looks questioningly between the two of us. “So, what is going on between you two. Is this going to be a normal thing now? Am I going to have to write up a schedule for who gets Stiles during the week?”

Stiles slaps his friend’s back. “You still got me. But now she has me too, only she gets more kisses than you. I mean we could add more kissing sessions when we are together if you would really like?”

“I think I will pass.” Scott announced.

“Good because there would be no competition.” Stiles twirled me so that I was now pressed against his chest and laid another kiss on my lips. When he pulled away, his head was bent down to mine, eyes locked on my own. “You ready to go home?”

Part 2?

[gra-sonas]

jesuisprest1321 replied to your photoset “Tyler’s reaction to Vlamis reading The Malex Poem #SwoonCity”

I’m hard of hearing. Is there a transcript of this anywhere?

Transcript for The Malex Poem

“Vulnerable lover, huh? Okay, you’re gonna make me do this.”

Vulnerable Lover

a veteran move as you limp into frame longing to be your crutch I want to consume your pain so I loosen my belt a familiar feeling ten years later and my heart ‘s still reeling then you show up on my porch floating down the stream while I swim uphill running out of steam lies upon lies thighs upon thighs of a woman’s touch but damn that guy the one who lifted my heaviest sighs with ease too much pride to beg I’ll let my looks say please so ignore my words this is where I stand you’re a pretty little liar and I’m your man

“Pheeeeew, alright, okay, your turn, your turn!”

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

Transcript for The Vlamburn Poem

“Wow, am I really gonna read this poem? I never read it to anybody. [mumbles] Ohhhhh, oh, wow. Okay, shit. I have it right here. Oh, I wrote this on November 7th, 2019. Let’s get right here. This is called A New Season. I wrote it at 1:10 in the morning, thinking about Blackburn.

[at his phone] What the hell, John McKay (one of his friends), I’m not gonna answer this right now. I’m not answering you. Love you.

A New Season

deep eyes soulful cries flipping a switch as you turn on my sighs protruding from a mouth constantly moving lips chapped from all our grooving and it’s my first time we’re no longer acting i know you hate it but we’re just reacting while our dreams collide a jaded road neverending three dots in a bubble while our texts are sending two boys in school a brand new season changing jackets feels like treason in this stupid game my flag captured a biblical loss reminiscent of the rapture

Vlamis: Woooooo, holy crap!

Jesa: You need some water?

Vlamis: I need a lot more than water.

Tyler, Jesa’s colleague: Some margaritas?

Vlamis: Margaritas!!!

I hope this helps. I also added the transcripts to the respective videos. Thanks for reminding me of providing transcripts more often. If there’s ever a video you (or someone else) would like me to transcribe, please let me know. I’m happy to do that! ❤️

[neproxrezi]

Ao Oni fic as in the game with the weird purple monster guy??

psa: i found out by accident mid writing this if you press shift+enter on a text post it makes a smaller line break? holy fucking shit i’ve been here ten years and i never noticed this feature

yeah that one! i think an internet friend recommended it to me in about 2011 and for some reason i just sorta got hooked on the concept and wrote like a bunch of fic about it, it was basically just a retelling of the game where i eventually branched off and did my own thing instead

there were two i wrote, one on deviantart (i used to just write into the text input rather than a word doc for some idiot reason) that started as a copy of the handwritten fic then branched off bc i wrote that one faster, aaand the one in the journal

not to psychoanalyse my past self too much but when i read it back i’m comforted by how much my feelings on a lot of things have changed, and also i see a lot of myself in how i wrote the characters... the main character is a very neat cold calculating analytical sharply dressed person with a cool girlfriend (which is exactly what i used to want to be when i was 14, let’s not even get into how much i screwed my ability to outwardly emote over in that time) who winds up being a huge dick to everyone and very much the villain and the side character i inexplicably turned into the bad guy is.. literally just a caricature of everything negative i felt about myself at the time? he turns out to not be that bad a person but the narcissistic idiot protag neglects him and leaves him to die

let’s not overthink all of that huh

it’s really odd to read back, i’ve tried to transcribe it in full to a word doc a few times but it’s challenging because the handwriting is chicken scratch and the paragraphs are... i need you to understand i do not use the term cringe lightly and some of this journal is so cringe it’s physically painful

i should really do it though because the journal is in such shitty condition

[dungeonsanddragonsfifthedition]

okay okay i actually have to transcribe shit live next week. holy fuck, y’all--welcome to boylore, 2/7/2020; we’re seeing some goddamn clerical errors start to occur.

"i'd do a lot for a blueberry cupcake." forest witch legend!!!!

my man is PARANOID. i mean he always is but he is more perception check-y than standard now. i relate.

beau calls holy weapon "glowy fisty." brotp forever.

absolutely vibing with travis yelling "that's hot"

post episode note: is travis... doing this. is travis on the boat with us, now? everything fjord did with cad tonight was. certainly something.

he seemed to know A LOT about curse prices, which. ryan_office_writing_things_down.png

"i like having you here." @beau :') "this isn't gonna last forever!" / "that doesn't mean you have to pull the pin on it. i understand." I KNOW THINGS. WE'RE NOT DONE TIL WE'VE SAVED EACH OTHER.

"I LOVE YOU GUYS”

his parents were super absentee, so was his aunt, siblings too. it was implied again that he's the youngest--the others all went on smaller pilgrimages before they left for good. “absence is not the opposite of love.”

(but there is a part of him that is very lonely.)

he's been thinking about nott; how to help her find peace

"you only have to believe in quiet!"

menagerie time! he wants to wait three weeks. HE IS LOOKING AWAY.

beau and fjord are slowly trying to call him out.  sir you don't like boats!!! he does not want this shit. he doesn’t know why he’s stalling but he’s definitely stalling. beau and fjord know this. they want to help him.

he's snappyyyyyyyy. making fjord a sandwich, though.

he's making the fanciest possible bath just eating his little sandwiches like popcorn as yasha attempts to bathe sprinkle. he’s gently feeding sprinkle. gently.

he will not be zone of truthed so help him god he may or may not have a favorite color

OH BOY THEY'RE THERE!!!! WE'RE HERE!!!!!!!! and fjord is helping him commune and being so very gentle. good. he is. not very excited about any of this.He Is Uncomfortable.

honeysuckle youth baby boy.

i'm going to lose my fucking mind.

um. so. clayfam reunion next week, plus Jester Made A God; i will die.

caduceus really seemed to be embracing being Part Of The Nein this episode--he and beau have both talked a lot about “inevitability” lately, and i think that there’s definitely a mutual sense of “Oh God I Can’t Exist Without These People Oh Shit Oh No” in there. that they see in each other. they were very supportive of each other, to the point of some forcefulness--him saying that beau’s offer was painful for the group, beau accusing cad of stalling. also. also. “i love you guys,” was so goddamn gentle and sweet. just--he does!!! he loves these people and he’s finally starting to admit it.

of course, that doesn’t mean he’s not gonna try and resist their help. (he’ll make fjord vegan sandwiches with the crusts cut off, though, even if he’s scared. he’ll joke with yasha in the hot tub, though, even if he’s scared. gosh.)

again: it’s blatantly clear that cad does not want this reunion, no matter how loving his family was. it’s also pretty clear that he was... used to people leaving, but coming back, which makes his fate a little bit more depressing--there’s an element of “any day, now!” there that hurts. his active resistance to confronting the why of his abandonment is so, so much; the nein Very Much Have His Back, here, though--they’ve caught onto his anxiety, and they’re contributing quite a bit to help him. that’s so nice, y’all.

(and his destiny is a seaside breeze, right before him. green and stone and by the ocean.)

ugh. i just... will be more coherent in the morning. this episode made my heart happy.

[kk095]

Last Ride

Here's my latest story! @defibresuslover247 gave me the idea and @eyesfixedanddilated gave me a few pointers along the way. I hope everyone enjoys!

****

Brooke was a 22 year old with a full, busty figure, dirty blonde hair, and blue eyes. She was a southern girl, born and raised in eastern Tennessee. She was always a bit of a tomboy and enjoyed outdoor activities like hunting, fishing, and riding ATV's.

The night of the incident started off normally. Brooke’s older brother Mike had received a nice tax return that year and decided to splurge a little bit by purchasing a new ATV. Since he knew his younger sister was into riding ATV's, he invited her to try it out with him.

The two siblings went out into a vacant 20 acre lot on the outskirts of town. This particular plot of land had plenty of hills and open areas, so a lot of ATV enthusiasts in the area enjoyed riding there. When the 2 of them got there, Mike parked his blue Ford F150 along a dirt path about 50 yards or so from the road. Mike got the ATV out from the small trailer attached to the back of his truck and the riding began.

For the first hour or so, the 2 siblings were having fun in the outdoors. They were zipping up and down the hills, through the dirt paths, and had a few beers along the way. But as time went on, the drinking and lack of light once the sun set took its toll. While Brooke was riding the ATV by herself, she went was riding downhill at a high rate of speed, losing track of her speed. Her chest hits the handlebars before she goes flying off the vehicle. She lands hard on the ground, striking her head and left side of her face. While tumbling down the hill, the ATV rolls violently down the hill, stomping right over Brooke’s right femur before continuing on down. Brooke screamed at the top of her lungs, feeling her right femur snap like a twig and slightly protruding through her jeans. Brooke’s wild trip down the hill came to an abrupt stop when her left arm and ribcage smashed into the side of a tree.

“Holy shit… BROOKE?!” Mike shouted from the top of the hill after watching the event unfold in horror. “Brooke?! BROOKE?! You ok?!” Mike yells as he starts to run down the hill. At the bottom of the hill, Brooke was screaming out in agonizing pain. She could see a bone fragment penetrating through her jeans on her right thigh, and her left arm was badly broken. She felt a bit dizzy, and could the stinging from open cuts and blood on the left side of her face. Her left humerus, which broke the fall into the tree at the bottom of the hill, was swollen and had some obvious deformities. Brooke tried to get up, but she obviously couldn’t. She sat on the ground squirming and crying, begging her brother to help.

When Mike got to the bottom of the hill, he was taken aback by his sister’s injuries. He stood lorna deer in headlights for a few seconds before whipping out his cell phone to call 911. The call was transcribed as the following:

911 dispatcher: 911, what is your emergency?

Mike: I need an ambulance! My sister’s hurt real bad!

911 dispatcher: Sir, please remain calm. Can you tell me the location of your emergency?

Mike: we’re on that vacant lot off of highway 501 with all the hills and paths! You gotta hurry, I think she’s hurt bad!

911 dispatcher: alright sir, police and EMS are en route. Can you tell me what happened?

Mike: She flipped off the ATV and rolled down the hill. There’s a bone sticking out of her leg!

Due to the extent of her injuries, the 911 dispatcher instructed Mike to refrain from first aid and just stay with his sister to keep her calm. Since the vacant lot was outside of town, it was going to take the ambulance at least 10-15 minutes to arrive on scene. But with the amount of pain Brooke was experiencing, those 10-15 minutes would feel like an eternity.

When EMS arrived on scene, they found Brooke screaming and crying in agony and Mike panicking, feeling semi responsible since this was all his idea. The medics instructed Mike to step away and give them space to examine Brooke.

The medics noted a few injuries immediately: open right femur fracture, left humerus fracture, facial+head lacerations, and some bumps on her head. The medics placed a c-collar since a spinal cord injury was within the realm of possibilities. The medics then removed Brooke’s socks, shoes, and snipped off her jeans so they can reset the open femur fracture. Brooke winced in pain while the 2 medics wiggled the pants off after making a few cuts with trauma shears. Next, the medics reduced the open femur fracture, which cause Brooke to scream loudly in pain for a second. Once the bone was below the skin and somewhat in its ’s normal place, the laceration from the bone protrusion was bandaged up and the area was splinted off. The next order of business was to focus on the humerus injury. There was obvious swelling and deformity, consistent with a displaced oblique fracture within the humerus. The upper left arm was also reset and splinted, causing Brooke a great deal of pain. After the arm was treated, the medics quickly bandaged up some of the head lacerations and abrasions and began setting up 2 large bore IVs. After IV access was obtained, normal saline was hung, but the medics refrained from administering pain medications since alcohol was smelled on Brooke’s breath, and there were beer cans scattered across the ground just up the hill. Brooke’s top was then cut off, sparing her black bra and matching underwear. A 5 lead ECG with a portable heart monitor was set up to obtain readings for her vital signs. On scene, Brooke’s vitals were: BP 87/49, Pulse 121, o2 saturation 94%. Brooke was placed onto a backboard and taken over to a gurney, and taken into an ambulance.

Mike begged and pleaded with EMS to ride in the ambulance with them, but they told him he couldn’t. “THAT’S MY FUCKIN SISTER! LET ME IN!” Mike shouted belligerently. One of the cops on scene offered a compromise: since he had too much to drink, they’d drive him to the hospital.

During the first part of transport, Brooke was a little short of breath, so an o2 mask with high flow oxygen was placed. The medic in the back of the ambulance lowered their stethoscope onto the girl’s chest and listened to her heart and lungs. “heart sounds good, but we’ve got diminished breath sounds on the left. Might be a tension pneumo.” The medic announced to the driver afterwards. The medic also noted that there was swelling and bruising on the side of her chest along her left ribcage, consistent with possible rib fractures or dislocation.

Over the following 10 minutes or so, Brooke’s condition changed a bit. Her GCS dropped to 10, and became a bit disoriented. Her systolic BP dropped into the upper 70s, and her heart rate was approaching the 130s. With this in mind, the medics became concerned about a potential head injury. The medics checked her pupils: right pupil was reactive, and the left pupil (injured size) had the early stages of dynamic oval pupil. Essentially, her left pupil had a slight oval, or almond shape. This is typically associated with eye trauma, optic nerve injuries, or brain bleeds originating from the back of the head. Since there wasn’t sufficient evidence of trauma to the eyes/optic nerve, it appeared a head injury was within the realm of possibilities. “Hey, what’s our ETA? GCS dropped to 10 and we’ve got a DOP in the left eye. She needs a head CT ASAP.” The medic in the back of the ambulance called out. “ETA 4 minutes. Hang in there…” the driver replied. The ambulance continued speeding down the road, sirens on full blast while Brooke continued to struggle in the back. She was squirming around and groaning in pain. “Miss, you gotta stay still for me, ok?” the medic said calmly, attempting to reason with brooke. Brooke began crying again while fidgeting around and kicking her healthy leg out. “Miss! You gotta stay calm!” the medic said more sternly, grabbing ahold of Brooke trying to hold her in place. Brooke quickly became inconsolable and demonstrated an altered mental status. “she’s definitely got a brain bleed or something…” the medic thought to themselves. Brooke needed to stay still due to her femur fracture, and because a spinal/neck injury hasn’t been ruled out. Since there was no getting through to Brooke, the medic decided to push a round of rocuronium. This medication is a strong muscle relaxer and paralytic agent, so it’s used as a chemical restraint when patients consume alcohol since alcohol doesn’t mix well with other agents commonly used.

Within 30 to 45 seconds, Brooke was knocked out by the medication. Since she was now unconscious, the medic decided to perform rapid sequence intubation on her for airway management. With a laryngoscope in 1 hand, the medic maneuvered a 7.0 ET tube into the girl’s airway. Once it was at the correct depth and place, the tube was secured with a blue tube holder, and an ambu bag was attached. For the remainder of the ambulance ride, Brooke remained hypotensive and tachycardic, and her GCS was still bouncing between 9 and 10.

Upon arrival at the ER, the medics gave the trauma team a brief rundown of Brooke’s condition as they wheeled her into an available trauma bay. Once in the room, Brooke was transferred onto the table and examination began. She was immediately started on blood transfusions- 1 unit A+ and 1 unit O- with 250 units of rhogam, 1 unit of platelets, and 1 unit of FFP. Multiple specialists were paged for consults, including: orthopedics, neurosurgery, and trauma surgery. While waiting on the specialist to arrive for their respective consultations, initial examination began. A FAST scan was performed first. The chest portion of the exam showed trace pericardial effusion, minor to moderate abdominal bruising but nothing potentially lethal, and the pelvic section came back clean. Multiple x-rays were then ordered: the x-ray of the arm confirmed displaced oblique humerus fracture, which would likely require surgical reduction with rods and pins. The chest x-ray showed 2 broken ribs and 1 dislocated rib on the left side of the thorax, along with bruising and swelling in the intercostal area. The chest x-ray also revealed a left sided tension pneumothorax with pleural effusion, which appeared to be caused from air escaping into the chest cavity, which pinched and pressed up against the lining of the lung. The next x-ray was of the femur fracture. The fracture was quite extensive, which required surgical reduction and many months of physical therapy in order to heal properly. The x-ray of Brooke’s head showed no evidence of a c-spine fracture, but there were some contusions on the skull and there didn’t appear to be any fractures; a head CT was still necessary to get a better understanding of her head injuries.

In the meantime, the trauma team decided to do what they could for her. The first order of business was to deal with the tension pneumothorax on the left side. The treatment for this was placing a chest tube in order to evacuate any air or blood. The procedure started after the area in between her ribs was sterilized. A 1 inch incision was made in the skin, followed by an additional one to cut through any fat and underlying tissue. Once a decent opening was created, a 36fr chest tube was placed into the incision area, and navigated deep into the pleural space. There was a small amount of blood drained from the tube, but a substantial amount of air exited the tube, allowing proper lung expansion once again.

Another concern arose in the coming minutes. The lower half of Brooke’s left leg was a bit discolored and cold. Her dorsalis pedis pulse was weak, so compartment syndrome was a legitimate issue here.

When orthopedics arrived, they wanted to set up pressure monitoring in the thigh to see if compartment syndrome was indeed taking place. But the orthopedic surgeon and neurosurgeon were in a bit of a disagreement. “if we don’t monitor her leg, she could lose it!” the orthopedic surgeon said. “well if we don’t get a head CT, she could die! I’d rather her lose her leg than her life!” the neurosurgeon replied smugly. The trauma surgeon offered a compromise: a fasciotomy in the emergency department. Typically, this is a procedure reserved for the operating room, but this was an emergent situation that required a quick decision. Everyone quickly got on board and the procedure was started in a moment’s notice.

Betadine was squirted on the right thigh and the bandage was removed from the splinted compound fracture. A scalpel was used to make 2 deep, long incisions in the thigh. Once the skin was incised, the underlying fat and tissue was cut out so proper bloodflow and blood drainage could take place. Her right calf and right foot immediately became a more normal complexion, and the dorsalis pedis pulse was stronger than it was just a minute or two ago. The freshly opened area was then irrigated with saline and prophylactic antibiotics to decrease the chance of infection, and the wound was somewhat closed with the shoelace suturing technique.

After the fasciotomy, Brooke’s blood pressure began to take a rapid nosedive. Vasopressors were pushed in an attempt to increase BP to a more stable level, and more blood products were hung. While trying to maintain BP, the young woman began to have a tonic-clonic seizure on the ER table. Brooke jerked and flopped erratically, biting down on the ET tube and grunting every few seconds. Her toes clenched up, wrinkling the soles of her size 8.5 feet. To combat the seizure, the trauma team acted quickly by injecting 1 dose of lorazepam intravenously in order to stop the convulsions. It was my like the tv shows where the medicine take immediate effect. In reality, it takes about 45 seconds for the meds to kick in. In those 45 seconds or so, Brooke’s twitchy, spasmodic movements slowed down incrementally until she finally settled down and stopped seizing.

After the seizure was controlled, Brooke was covered up and transported to radiology for a head CT. The GCS drop, altered mental status, DOP, and seizure were all associated with a brain bleed. Once in the CT scanner room, Brooke was transferred into the table and hooked up to a portable ventilator since nobody could be in the room with her during the scan. Prior to the scan, she was given another dose of vasopressors to keep her blood pressure semi stable since she was hypotensive. Pupil reactivity was checked before the scan as well- left pupil was sluggish and still oval shaped, and the right pupil was constricted.

The head CT took about 8 minute to complete. The results of the scan were interpreted quickly: there was a subdural hematoma in the left temporal lobe. The size of the bleed was definitely noteworthy, so the neurosurgeon wanted to drill a burr hole to alleviate the pressure in the cranium and then monitor Brooke with an intracranial pressure monitor to see if an additional surgery would be warranted.

Once the plan was made, Brooke was once again whisked away and back to the trauma bay for a quick burr hole and ICP monitor insertion. The procedure quickly commenced upon return to the ER. A portion of Brooke’s hair was shaved off on the left side and the pasty white skin was sterilized with a small amount of betadine. The neurosurgeon took a surgical drill and drilled 2 holes. The first one was made in the left temporal area to alleviate pressure and create immediate blood drainage. Thick, gooey blood oozed out of the small, circular hole in her skull after it was drilled. The coagulated blood was suctioned out, allowing proper release of the fresh blood from the active bleed. The 2nd hole was drilled in the left parietal area. The purpose of this 2nd hole was for insertion of an ICP monitor and to allow room for additional draining in the event the bleed worsened. After hole #2 was drilled, the ICP monitor was inserted and set up by the neurosurgeon, and a few small drainage tubes were inserted to help drain additional blood in an attempt to restore normal pressure within the skull. The next step of Brooke’s treatment was to take her to the OR for surgical reduction of both her femur fracture and humerus fracture.

Up in the OR, Brooke was hooked up 5o a ventilator and prepped for surgery. The anesthesiologist had some concerns about her blood pressure before surgery, so it was advised that trauma surgery would sit in on the surgery, and have neurosurgery on standby. With her BP still low, a repeat echocardiogram showed that the trace pericardial effusion had worsened in the past little while. Before the surgery started, the trauma surgeon performed an infrasternal pericardiocentesis. The quick procedure drained a decent amount of blood and slightly improved Brooke’s vitals, buying the surgical team enough time to work on the orthopedic injuries.

The orthopedic surgeon began with the humerus fracture. The original plan was to hold the bone in place with some plates and screws, but once the doctor got in there, they noticed damage to the proximal head of the humerus. When there’s damage to that portion of the bone, they have to replace it with a titanium joint that’s held in place with screws. Essentially, it’s like a hip replacement in your arm. It’s not a common situation, but it happens every so often, and the surgical team was prepared for that curveball. Part 2 of the orthopedic surgery was the femur repair. A long, thin metal rod was inserted into the femur after the medullary cavity of the bone was essentially scooped out. With the rod in place, the fractured portions of the bone were lined up and then held in place with small plates with titanium screws. Overall, the orthopedic portion of Brooke’s treatment went well, but since she was hemodynamically unstable and required monitoring for a head injury, she was sent off to the ICU for monitoring.

Brooke’s first few hours in the ICU were uneventful, but changes started to occur overnight. Around 3am, her blood pressure began to drop once again, along with an alternating QRS complex on the EKG. The ICU nurses decided to page a rapid response since the changes were concerning. When the trauma surgeon arrived, they pushed a round of vasopressors and hung 1 unit of FFP since there may be some residual bleeding and damage. The doctor’s next order was a repeat echocardiogram to monitor the progression of the pericardial effusion. The echo showed that Brooke was experiencing cardiac tamponade, so once again, an infrasternal pericardiocentesis was the way to go. The needle aspirated a combination of both clotted blood and fresh blood, but cardiovascular function slightly improved after the procedure. Brooke’s pupils were checked afterwards; they were sluggish but reactive, and the dynamic oval pupil was slowly going away. The ICP monitor was showing normalizing pressure in the skull, so it appeared the head injury was on a slow and steady course towards healing. The main concern was the chest injury at that point.

Approximately an hour later, Brooke began to struggle once again. Her blood pressure was still low and her chest tube output decreased. Upon further investigation, it was discovered that there was a blood clot lodged inside of her chest tube. Treatment for this is disconnecting the drainage portion of the chest tube and suctioning the lumen of the tube out until normal output returns. But when the tube drainage is disconnected in trauma patients (because a larger chest tube is required), you run the risk of re-aggravating the tension pneumothorax, so this has to be done rather quickly so excess air doesn’t get into the tube or the patient’s chest cavity.

With the trauma surgeon supervising, the drainage portion of the chest tube was disconnected. A suction tube was placed into the chest tube and the chunk of clotted blood about the size of a pea was slurped out, allowing normal flow and drainage to occur once again. But even after the chest tube was reconnected, Brooke’s blood pressure was still low. A 3rd echocardiogram was ordered, showing a sizable tamponade in the lateral portion of the pericardium. With this continuing to occur, and getting worse, the trauma surgeon decided to page cardiothoracic surgery and immediately take Brooke up to the OR for an exploratory thoracotomy and pericardial window.

While wheeling Brooke out of the ICU, her blood pressure suddenly became dangerously low. “shit, she’s gonna code. We need to get her up there ASAP!” the trauma surgeon blurted out with urgency. The ICU team wheeled Brooke through the corridors at full speed and into an available elevator. No more than a second after the elevator doors shut, Brooke became pulseless. The heart monitors showed pulseless electrical activity, so ACLS protocol promptly began. One nurse began pumping away at Brooke’s bare chest. The 22 year old's chest sunk deeply from the strength of each individual compression. Her chubby body and large, natural breast jiggled around a bit while another nurse injected epinephrine and atropine into one of the IV sites.

A nurse got on top of the gurney and began straddling the young woman, delivering strong, repetitive compressions. A few moments later, the elevator doors swung open and Brooke was wheeled out and into the main hallway of the OR floor. “whoa, what happened?” one of the nurses at the main nurses station asked, surprised to see an active code out in the open.

The team continued wheeling Brooke through the hall, compressions ongoing. Once in the correct operating room, the code was paused for a moment in order to transfer the woman onto the OR table. The monitors chirped loudly while Brooke’s limp body was transferred onto the table. Once on the table, CPR was restarted by one of the surgical nurses. “oh boy… what a mess. We’re gonna have to open her up ASAP. Get me a thoracotomy tray…” the head surgeon called out as they walked into the room. Since the heart monitors still showed PEA, CPR just went on. Redness and bruising started to form on the center of her chest in between both breasts due to all the hard compressions she was receiving. There was a popping sound that occurred during each individual compression since a few of her ribs became fractured or dislocated. The nurse that delivered compressions could feel Brooke’s cold, clammy skin through her gloves while everyone else in the room was scurrying around and barking orders at each other in what seemed like a moment of organized chaos.

While the surgical techs set up a thoracotomy tray, an OR nurse pushed the next round of intravenous meds since Brooke just crossed the 4 minute mark of the code. The meds didn’t have an immediate effect, but were able to convert Brooke to v-fib after approximately 45 seconds or so. With defib pads already attached to Brooke’s bare chest, they were charged to 200j and a shock was delivered. Brooke’s limp body jolted abruptly on the table in response to the quick dose of electricity. Since no change occurred, CPR resumed for several seconds until the defibrillator pads were recharged.

Seconds later, everyone backed away from the table and a 300j shock was delivered. Brooke’s back arched, forcing her chest up in the air, making her breasts bounce around. Shock #2 failed to convert Brooke from v-fib, so the surgeon took over and made the executive decision to open her chest via a left anterolateral thoracotomy.

Betadine was splashed across the left side of Brooke’s chest in a moment’s notice. With CPR ongoing just inches away, an incision was made in the 5th intercostal space. The cut began just to the left of Brooke’s sternum and extended laterally. The incision continued under her left breast, and ultimately came to a stop a few inches away from her left armpit. The next step was to separate and cut through the underlying tissue in order to create an opening for the rib spreader. This took about 15 or 20 seconds since it was done at a hurried pace. With that out of the way, the finochietto rib spreader was placed in the gaping cut, and the actual opening of the chest began. A cracking sound was heard regularly while the knobs were turned, forcing the 22 year old’s ribs apart.

The OR team was greeted by a rush of blood from the chest cavity upon cracking the chest. Suction was applied to the area and a 2nd chest tube was inserted for additional drainage. With the excess blood out of the way, a pericardiotomy was performed. A quick cut was made into the lining of the heart, which leaked a combination of fresh blood and coagulated blood. The incision in the pericardium was extended to deliver the heart more effectively, and a few small drains were placed into the incised portion of the pericardium for continuous tamponade drainage.

After these critical first few steps, external compressions were swapped out for internal massage. One of the doctors wrapped their hands around Brooke’s heart. They pushed hard and fast in an upwards motion with both their thumbs on the left ventricle in order to force blood through the aorta and out to the body. The doctor could feel Brooke’s heart twitching in their hands as they desperately attempted to reverse the dire situation.

V-fib still persisted after a cycle of internal compressions and another dose of meds, so the internal paddles were called for. The large, spoon shaped paddles were charged to 20j and placed directly against the desperate, spasming organ. After everyone backed away, the first internal shock was delivered. A dull, wet thump was heard, followed by her torso twitching a bit. Her heart fluttered for a second from the direct jolt of electricity, but it quickly returned to its erratic spasming from before. Internal compressions were resumed while a vascular clamp was placed on the descending aorta near the diaphragm. The purpose of this is to temporarily redirect bloodflow back to the heart, brain, and lungs since those organs are most essential. After the large vessel was clamped, the internal paddles were prepped once again, and placed around each side of the young woman’s heart. Shock #2 was a but stronger at 30 joules, causing more noticeable reaction. Brooke’s torso flopped slightly and her toes curled up, wrinkling the soles of her size 7.5 feet. This shock failed to correct the deadly arrhythmia, so resuscitation efforts went on. A cycle of internal massage was performed while the internal paddles were recharged to 40j. After the paddles were good to go, the third internal shock was delivered. The same dull thump as before filled the room for a moment while Brooke’s battered body twitched on the table. The monitors began chirping again, continuing to show v-fib.

The same cycle of internal compressions, shocking and meds continued again…and again…and again, but the OR team just couldn’t get their young patient’s heart to restart. Despite a 26 minute code, Brooke passed away in the OR, with her time of death being called at 5:02am. The monitors were switched off and the ambu bag was detached. Additional equipment such as the EKG electrodes and IVs were removed in the eerily silent OR. Brooke’s naked, battered body laid on the table. Her heart sat motionless in plain sight during the basic postmortem preparations. Eventually, the chest tubes were removed, the ICP monitor was taken out, and the chest was closed up. A cover was placed over Brooke’s body, and a toe tag was placed before sending her off to the hospital morgue, bringing a sad ending to the case.

[taebadam]

act 2 pt. 2

oh boy. oh wow oh boy. now we get to my absolute favorite: you oughta know. get ready folks cause i have so so much to say. alright. so we cut to frankie and jo in new york where frankie is thanking jo for coming to pick her up since she lost her debit card and she didn’t want to “break down and call home.” jo is mostly silent, nowhere near her usual sarcastic self. she responds to everything frankie says in this flat, controlled tone just simmering with anger below the surface. i’m just gonna transcribe this whole scene because it shows so many things: how much jo really cares about frankie even though she’s pissed, how much frankie clearly hurt her and how frankie really didn’t realize what she was doing. frankie goes “that was pretty crazy back at my house. in fact i’m surprised you even showed up.” jo responds with little to no emotion in her voice other than underlying anger, just tight and quiet and closed off like she’s trying so hard not to lose it: “i’m your best friend. i’m not going to leave you stranded in a neighborhood you can’t even name.” “but you’re mad.” “can you guess why? or are you so far up your own ass these days you don’t even know?” “i’m really sorry. i was gonna tell you.” “and yet you didn’t. because you knew what you were doing was wrong.” “i didn’t think i was gonna fall in love with him.” “love? well congratulations frankie. i’m glad you found something healthy and rational. i’m clearly not as legit as your fuckboi phoenix.” “that’s not what i’m saying jo i just didn’t think you and i were in an exclusive relationship.” “right. why would you take this… (gestures to herself) seriously.” “you know i didn’t mean it like that.”

and in comes the music. ok so a few things. as jo starts singing frankie is standing behind her and jo’s deathly still, her voice still quiet as she just stares straight ahead. they’re the only two on stage. you can practically feel the tension in the air. everyone in the audience is on the edge of their seat. frankie starts to turn around and walk away until the first mini drop when you can feel something building and you know shit’s about to go down: when the guitar comes in and jo starts “a perfect version of me.” as soon as that guitar hits frankie freezes in her tracks and the soft light on jo starts to turn red. and wow is it about to get good. jo stays completely still as frankie circles back around while we get to the first pre-chorus, the “the love that you gave that we made wasn’t able…” part. as she does the pre-chorus the red light begins to expand around her but she still isn’t moving. her voice, however, even though it is still thin and controlled is starting to grow as the anger just continues to bubble up. she sings the first chorus just staring out into the audience, unmoving, and the tension just KEEPS BUILDING. frankie begins to back away just a little, like she’s beginning to realize just how angry and hurt jo really is. but we haven’t seen anything yet. we get to the second verse and the red lights continue to grow more intense as jo finally, FINALLY starts moving. she turns to look at frankie, staring her down, but she’s still controlled, still holding herself back. her voice gets a little more raspy, a little more intense but still not enough and everyone is holding their breath. once we get to “did you forget about me” she starts to stumble away a little bit, those mannerisms starting to shine through and we just barely start to see her truly devastated, exposed, vulnerable self. when she sings “are you thinking of me when he fucks you” she grabs frankie forcefully before pulling away. she’s starting to show more of her anger both physically and vocally. the pre-chorus comes back and that raspiness to her voice only increases, anger now finally starting to show on her face and she moves back, away from frankie and turns to finally start powerfully singing (though not yet screaming as she eventually gets to) “and i’m here!” it’s at this point that the band really starts to get loud. they come in from the wings and the volume jumps up. powerful red light fixtures drop down from the ceiling, flashing violently and one by one the ensemble runs up over the course of the second chorus to flank jo on either side. frankie doesn’t know what to do. and we’re still not even at the climax. then everything drops out as the ensemble starts singing “ooh” for the third verse. jo moves to the front, clearly starting to lose it as the ensemble walks around behind her, circling and enclosing frankie. jo isn’t even looking at frankie anymore, she’s holding her head in her hands and walking, pulling at her hair, eventually starting to join in with the ensemble. then she begins her high harmony and the anger on her face becomes more and more clear and as she sings higher and higher the ensemble moves from frankie to come stand beside jo. they all stomp their feet on the last “ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah… AHH!!” and jo’s high note. holy shit. and now everything’s been released.

she begins to go full screamo, dancing with the ensemble, pointing and yelling at frankie as her anger and fear and devastation just all boil over. the band is now rocking out and the stage is bathed in angry red light. jo screams “well can you feel it” and her and the ensemble run to stand near the back of the stage in front of the band and just completely lose it. jo is screaming, singing her heart out, throwing her body around in desperation. you can see just how horribly sad and angry she is, how she feels abandoned and alone. you can see it in her face, her body, hear it in her voice. and then the chorus happens AGAIN for that final time and they all run to the very front of the stage, jo just completely losing it. she whips her head up and down, screeching with all her might, reaching out to the audience and just practically pulsing with anger and energy. it’s truly stunning. on the last line (you, you, you) she and the whole ensemble are jumping and the lights are flashing red and white and then everyone cuts out and it’s just her, screaming out into the audience with a voice of just pure raw emotion: “oughta know!!” and they all freeze. the crowd goes. WILD. both times i saw this she got a standing ovation. A MID SHOW STANDING OVATION LIKE WTF. and she absolutely deserved it both times. the amount of emotion she puts out on that stage. and her VOICE HOLY SHIT. honestly, that scene and song is a whole musical in and of itself. her range of emotion through those like 5 minutes, the way she builds in every possible way— stunning. words cannot describe how much i love lauren patten. also it just means so much to me to see women who are allowed to get angry on stage. i love it.

also important to note is that jo doesn’t have her beanie on in this scene? and i have a lot of thoughts on this. in most other scenes, jo is hiding behind a front. she’s sarcastic and tries to avoid showing any form of vulnerability. she wears her beanie like a suit of armor, really. we only see her without her beanie three times: when she’s coming back from the church social with her mom (which she was forced to do and clearly hated. and as soon as her mom is gone she puts the beanie back on immediately, like it’s something to hold on to), you oughta know (which is the only time, at least at this point in the show, where i think we really, truly see jo— when she lets herself go) and then the end (we’ll talk about this later).

after everyone has finished cheering (for a solid like 2 minutes holy shit), frankie runs up to jo looking at her phone in a panic. “jo!” she yells. jo turns around, clearly annoyed, “what? god do you even give a shit?” and frankie goes “no jo it’s my mom” and immediately jo’s there to help because that’s the kind of person she is and they run off stage in a hurry.

cue uninvited. wow. i know i’ve said this about so many things but honestly i don’t think i’ve ever seen such genius staging and choreography in theater ever. it’s absolutely mindblowing. so this is the scene where mj overdoses and the way they depict this is genius. we see a dark stage with a single spotlight on the couch in the center where mj sits and begins to sing. seconds later, heather comes up from behind her and begins to dance around her. this kicks off a stunning choreography that has you on the edge of your seat the whole time. dressed the same as mj, heather shows the agony and pain mj is experiencing, both mentally and physically, through dance. she throws herself around the couch, falling to the floor in agony and pulling herself back up again. mj and heather reach out to each other but never quite reach each other. elizabeth’s stunning voice as mj combined with heather’s astounding choreography as her body double just makes you really, truly feel the absolute pain she’s experiencing in every possible way. incredible. also, at the very beginning of the song, i kid you not when i first looked toward the back of the stage i thought there was a reflection or a pole or something? you can ~just barely~ see something behind mj but i truly thought it was a trick of the light for the longest time. but slowly, ever so slowly, the light grows and you realize it was bella, looking on and watching the whole thing as a ghost in the distance. and her harmonies are stunning. at the end of the song heather and bella leave and mj collapses on the floor, completely passed out. this is when steve enters. he sees her and we see him for a moment start to run towards her and the stage goes pitch black with a loud note from the band. a second later the lights come back on and this time we see steve on the ground w mj and nick on the phone talking frantically. the lights shut off again w another note and when they come back on we see an emt taking mj’s vitals. then they shut off one last time and when they come back on we’re in the hospital w mj and steve.

steve and nick have a conversation with the doctor before going into mj’s room featuring one of the best exchanges i’ve ever seen on stage. the doctor tells steve mj overdosed and she had multiple drugs in her system, different ones than she was originally prescribed, leading him to conclude she got them off the streets. steve is in disbelief. he replies “look at her. does she looks like a drug addict to you?” and the doctor replies “what do you think a drug addict looks like?” no response. incredible.

then mary jane. wow sean allen krill’s voice is just so so good and his performance is stunning. i cried. he climbs in bed with mary jane as he sings to her and it’s adorable. we also have a great exchange between the two of them when she wakes up. one of the lines from the couples therapy scene earlier was steve talking about how mj has to be the best at everything: “we get it mj. you’re winning… at candyland.” now as she wakes up steve is breaking down (also so great to see a grown man get emotional and cry onstage! yes!! fuck toxic masculinity!!) and he apologizes for not noticing something was wrong earlier, talking about how he messed up. mj, still weak and tired responds “im detoxing from opiates… i win.” such a good line. they discuss how they need to start communicating more, mj starting to come clean that she has some things she needs to work through and they discuss how she’ll be going to rehab. nick then walks in (frankie visited earlier during mary jane) and mj immediately goes “nick i was wrong. you need to go to the police.” and steve responds “mj. he already did.” they then discuss how frankie is currently downtown at the rally she organized: the rally for bella.

and now we’re at the rally, the setting for no. this is absolutely incredible. the whole ensemble is on stage, the band behind them, jo and phoenix on either side and frankie in the middle holding a sign that says “stand with survivors,” all surrounding bella who stands in the center with her head held high. after the song starts bella and nick have a brief interaction and honestly i was so so happy with how they did this. nick explains that he came forward and apologizes for not doing so earlier. and bella, rightfully so, STAYS ANGRY. i love to see women on stage being allowed to show emotion. she recognizes he did the right thing but she doesn’t immediately forgive him nor should she. she’s still hurt, and what nick did, or didn’t do, will affect her for the rest of her life: “why didn’t you stop him?” she asks. “i don’t know” he responds, “but everyone knows the truth now.” she then calls him out on his privilege, saying “because you said it. why wasn’t it enough for me to say it? you get to be the hero, like always. because of who you are, because of what you look like. they believe you.” “i’m sorry. if i could change anything about my life bella i would go back—” “yeah. so would i.” she walks away and the song continues. most of the ensemble members have solo lines where they stand center stage, their expressions solemn while the rest of the ensemble surrounds them, touching them, enclosing them. then we get to the second chorus and bella’s big part. she stands center again, belting her heart out as the ensemble, frankie and jo all grab their signs and stand by her side. these signs are stunning. some highlights include: “rape affects all genders,” “believe black women,” “tell your story,” “you’re not alone,” “teach consent,” “a call to men,” “don’t tell me what to wear, tell them not to rape,” and, my personal favorite, “don’t get raped” with the “get” and “d” crossed out so it says “don’t rape.” they slowly move toward the front of the stage as they reach the climax of the song, and stand in solidarity in a line across the very front. at the end of the chorus nick picks up the sign frankie was holding earlier, “stand with survivors” and moves to join them and stand next to bella, literally standing with survivors. chills.

now we get to the closing. as thank u plays in the background we once again see mj sitting on the family couch, writing the annual healy christmas letter. she talks about how inspired she is by frankie’s strength, how her daughter’s doing so much for bella who is a rape survivor “like myself.” she then discusses how bella’s case is going to trial and, even though andrew still got into a good college, bella gets to tell her story, “most of us never do.” frankie then sits down next to her and says “i didn’t know what you were going through mom. i guess i never saw you as a… person?” mj laughs. “you’re my kid that’s normal.” she then starts talking about how all she ever wanted was for frankie to fit in there and when frankie tells her she never wanted that mj goes. “i got it wrong. i’m going to start listening.” she tells us nick is taking a year off to be a witness in bella’s case: “he can’t change the past. but he’s looking inside himself to figure out why he didn’t do anything when he had the chance.” she talks about how her and steve are in therapy both couple and individual. and finally, she talks about her time in rehab and the incredible people she met and all that she learned, but how “recovery will last the rest of [my] life.” she cracks some jokes at the expense of the white, privileged, suburban lifestyle she once loved, commenting “i had spent so much time around all of you i forgot what it was like to talk to people who were kind and genuinely had empathy.” the whole family is sitting next to her on the couch now as she finishes up the christmas letter with “xoxo, mj.” as she finishes she goes “i think this will be my last letter” and when asked why she says, “because christmas letters are for assholes.” steve then asks “are you really going to send that” and mj replies “what have i got to lose?” before steve reminds her “you’re not at rock bottom anymore.” frankie then dares her to send it and nick agrees. she hits send in one impulsive click and yells “merry fucking christmas.” you learn begins to play in the background as steve laughs and asks who that went to and mj responds in this hilarious exaggerated whisper: “everyoneeeeee.”

now we have you learn. so beautiful. one thing that isn’t on the soundtrack is that before jo comes in she and frankie talk for a moment. they say they miss each other but we see that jo’s doing well, she has a new girlfriend and she’s finally starting to gain some confidence. she doesn’t have her beanie on!! jo then asks about phoenix and frankie responds “we’re good. we’re just friends.” and then the music starts back up again. as we get to the chorus the whole ensemble joins them and they’re all just rocking out, laughing, smiling, dancing and generally having the time of their lives. so so wholesome i love it so much. watch the video of their performance on good morning america it’s so so cute. the very end everyone slowly leaves and it’s just mj and frankie center stage, holding hands as the final note dies out. so so good.

the bows. omg. at the end they go back and jam w the band and it’s SO CUTE. also frankie and jo always dance off together as they’re leaving the stage. wholesome content.

let me know if there’s anything else at all you’d like to know!! or if anything wasn’t clear. or if you just wanna talk about it. i have many thoughts, some of which aren’t even in this ridiculously long post.

[kara-does-fandom]

Vincent Route: Ch 22 aka The Shakespeare Scene People Hate

TL;DR BOY PUSHES PEOPLE AWAY CAUSE BAD TRAUMA COPING SKILLS. Read about my heartbreak here So I got to chapter 22, the one where people generally go FUCK U WILLIAM and I too went FUCK U WILLIAM cause I love the boy but What tHE Ever Loving Fuck?? HOW DARE U HURT VINCENT THAT WAY! But I’d also been noting that when he snaps the umbrella, and how he deals with Vincent's determined and goodhearted approach to true love, and how he thought about MC's kindness.. and things I recalled from his route that is lovingly transcribed here  (ive linked to the route chonologially if you wanna check it out) And oh boy It makes sense, considering his depression, self loathing, and his entire lack of support system. Coupled with a tragedy he's been blaming himself for, and general bad coping skills cause, again, no support system at all cause he spooked and ran, leaving any healing daddy Comte and Leo could offer behind... well you have a recipe for shit like this. Cause William found himself liking Vincent, and being flustered by Vincent’s Mc, and likely saw he was developing a strong bond and went NOPE cause deep bonds have only led to being emotionally gutted later and he is determined to not deal with having his heart ripped out by people he cares about, and so he delves into tragedies to get out any excess hurt and pain and tbh he's coping by acting cold and writing angst fic. He's not yandere, he is a Tsun who writes angstfic and spooks if you show him affection. Please dont let his trying to scare you off work, he really does need a hug. Like the boy genuinely believes god hates him and likely so does everyone else. His acting troupe and his bunny are his only friends, but he can only show the people friends a part of him, and is likely scared of getting TOO close cause of past trauma.So for sharing his true self he only has a bunny. 

And I see this pretty often in how he interacts with others if he figures out they like him, or he figures out he likes them. He goes SURPRISE IM AWFUL HAHA I REALLY HAD YOU GOING DIDNT I? SUCKS TO BE YOU FOR LIKING ME BUT IM REALLY AN TERRIBLE PERSON, GO RUN HOME AND NEVER LIKE ME AGAIN. aaand thats a trauma response to being hurt by people he cares about and being TERRIFIED of them being able to hurt him cause he let them have a piece of his heart. As someone who has been through that trauma, and is still recovering, I too, have made the mistake of listening to my fears, and tried driving off my friends so they wont be disappointed by how awful my trauma and insecurity and other mental problems convinced me I was. When you are that deep in the pit.. well... "Drive them off before they can hurt you like that, its a kindness to show them how garbage you are so they dont get thier hopes up" starts to sound pretty logical, added to how coldness and anxiety is the usual human response to emotions they didnt want to be dealing with.

William is a person who has at least 5 layers of mask to hide his depression and aching loneliness and self loathing behind. As someone who writes a lot of dramas and works with actors, he has a lot of experience in making those masks as real as possible. He is genuinely sure his MC hates him. He is genuinely sure that if the mansions residents have something or someone else to pay attention to, he may as well be last week's leftovers. I still WTF WILLIAM but holy shit does this man need a stubborn friend who will stick with him and patiently and lovingly pry those masks off him and give him the love he needs while gently Not Dealing With This Nonsense when he tries to scare them off. Because he can be a very loving and loyal person... but he has no one who has faith in him.

[readbythestarlight]

c2e84

Wow, that was a surpassingly normal ad!

Oh boy here we go lore drop!

Therizdune the chained oblivion who is chained at the bottom of the abyss

"He’s basically the boogeyman" if the boogeyman was a HORRIBLE ELDRITCH MONSTER

...IS the boogeyman a horrible eldritch monster?! Oh god.

[[MORE]]

This is great and awful like terrible abyssal eldritch things that can creep into the world through gaps and rifts encourages people to be violent and awful

Also I’m so satisfied that the chains actually ended up being significant

Okay so Yussah knows a guy who we know knows Trent, so... that’s not cool. I mean o totally trust Yussah now it’s not that, it’s just can we trust Ormid?

So not all the Cerberus assembly is bad re: Yussah. But like he’s basically a hermit living in his tower, yeah? Who doesn’t go into the Empire? So like how out of touch is he?

"Trent seems just creepy" that’s putting it mildly

Money? Ball bearings? xD

Oh nice some of the Halas money

Oh Nott honey

Fjord being like "Nott? Caleb please talk to your goblin."

And they’re just all discussing it in the background

NOTT DO NOT

oh boy don’t like that

Oh dear...

"Your FACE is stupid" oh Nott

Lock the gem away somewhere

"You’ll still work at it and try?" Oh honey of course he will

I like how they handled that. They didn’t put Nott down, they gently reminded her that Halas can’t be trusted.

Oh I hope that doesn’t trigger Caleb

And I hope that didn’t just fuck them over with Halas maybe

Cad’s like "can we not?" and then just silencing everyone who keeps trying to talk to him

Y’all need to call your OTHER wizard friend (aka HOTT BOI) to let him know you’re fine and not dead or anything cause this is probably the longest he’s gone without hearing from you

"Everything’s been smoothed over" I wonder if Dairon had anything to do with that

I wonder where she is...

Also this is late cause he said it like ages ago but I love Cad’s little bits of homely wisdom, like the whole holes in a bucket metaphor.

PLATINUMMMMMMM

A WHOLE SATCHEL

TIME TO BUY A KEEP Y’ALL

Kidding I like the xhorhaus

Holy SHIT

21,000 gold??

That puts them at 350 platinum which is like 3,500 apiece NICE

Please def check in with Orli I miss him

I’m gonna insist they all get either matching M9 tattoos or Captain tusktooth tattooes

ORLIIIII

Oh my

Yeah a charisma bump is a good choice Nott xD

YOU ALL BETTER GET MATCHING TATTOOS

"chaos crew" lol

Imagine the stories those "new faces" have heard of the M9 from the older crew

1312 gold not bad!

Fuck y’all I love Orli! I missed him. I hope Fjord retires and goes back to sailing with Orli and the crew someday.

F: "Can I ask, how painful is this... procedure?"

O: "oh-ho-ho! Quite."

Oh lord

B: "Is that infected? Is that infected?!"

O: "No, he’s just a.....................Pansy."

Girls day!

Ohhh I like that idea Nott! Can’t wait to see the new art of that.

I like the start of the idea but the "like the Traveler’s hugging me" is slightly creepy to me. Idk.

BeauJester shippers just got a gift xD

Oh... Molly’s all seeing eye tattoo. My heart. Taliesin looks really touched.

Omg a nat1

Ouch fuck Matt you didn’t have to describe that

Matt’s like "here’s your pretty tattoo Nott, here’s your very lovely tattoo Jester, here’s your TOTALLY BOMBASS tattoo that goes all the way up the BACK OF YOUR SKULL Beau"

like I’m not saying Matt plays favorites but his wife’s character definitely got the coolest tattoo

Boy talk over fish and chips heck yeah

Mmm gonna get some deep talk from Caleb?

Caleb expressing that he feels like maybe they’ve been brought together for a purpose <3

Cad telling him he’s believed Caleb was meant for something important since the beginning

Caleb the green bean farmer

"The god’s plant us, plant their will and their desire, and we move towards the fruit we’re meant for bear for them." Aw that’s... sweet, Cad.

Fjord being like "idk man I’m still figuring it out" what a mood

Caleb admitting he feels like he should run away

"I have started to forget what it was like not being with you people. And we are missing one, I am stuck on the fact that we are still missing one."

I wish I was fast enough to transcribe word for word this conversation because it’s excellent

I like Fjord’s question of "when you know, do you run away or do the right thing knowing it could kill you"

C: "You two are alright."

Cad: "We’re getting better."

F: "So are you, you know, you should give yourself credit."

C: "Mm..."

Cad: "I know... just think about it."

(Wow my old Widofjord feelings just came back with a vengeance.)

Cad adding in his own encouraging words about how Caleb is growing and becoming better made me happy too

C: "I hate tattoos."

Nott in the distance: AHHHH

C: "they’re just not for me."

Cad: "they’re frowned upon in my family."

And then they go see the girls

"We brought fish and chips—what they fuck"

All the Jester ships are eating well tonight

I’m so glad Jester finally got her cool tattoo

Y’all don’t want to see mom and Yeza and Luc?

lol Jester "I didn’t tell my mom about the tattoo"

"I’ve seen parents find out their kids had tattoos literally at the funeral"

I literally could not tell if that was Cad or Taliesin sharing

You guys didn’t even say bye to Orli! YOU MONSTERS

Boy that talks blurb with Brian talk about Caleb is GOOD SHIT MAN

No Brian don’t stop please go on and on about Caleb

lol Matt getting himself in the face with the paper

I knew Dairon was the one who got them out of trouble <3

EXPOSITOR OUTFIT AYYYY

just got new official art and now Beau gets a new outfit and the girls get tattoos xD

B: "I apologize"

M9: "wwwwwoooooaaaaahhh"

And library access again yay!

HEYYYY DAIRON

Beau gets to be a role model now lol

Oh yikes... selling out the Kryn to the King... don’t like that

Vence... NewTHEYLESS??

I don’t like that

Everyone: *excited freaking about Beau’s expositor room*

Cad, a good 10 seconds behind: "You had a monk bunk."

Dairon admitting she realized her prejudices against the Kryn were wrong. You know what that is? Growth.

They’re all so proud of Expositor Beau

Caleb trying to do "normal" accents is amazing lol

I don’t want him to be split from the group but I definitely understand his concern

Scary world ending lore oh boy

Oh god I forgot about the gentleman being here...

YES NO DO NOT GO ALONE that’s a dumb idea honey Jester please

N about J: "well she convides in everybody. Just says whatever she wants to say all the time."

This whole Beau and Nott conversation is amazing xD

Fjord and Jester: talking

Beau and Nott: talking

Caduceus walking along and enjoying the group communicating and sharing their feelings

Is he an earth genasi?

That’s the second time another wizard has called Yussah a fool, poor guy

I like how Ormid’s like "who the fuck are these people" but he also trusts Yussah enough to listen to them that’s nice

Hmmm I don’t like that’s awfully suspicious

WHISPERSSSSS

He keeps coming back to the beacon and I don’t like it

So like.. what if he is in on the whole thing and is trying to steer them away from looking deeper into the beacon?

Jester honey why you go and name drop Trent?? Like fuck.

Also interesting that both the King and his council have been more aggressive and pro-war lately, and the Bright Queen is also bent on the conflict in a way that I’ve personally felt doesn’t seem to quite mesh with her character, it definitely lends towards the idea that they’re being manipulated

Ormid’s a bit of a dick, although I guess I can understand, they’re not explaining themselves super well

Hng idk how I feel about Ormid and I’m not sure that I like that he now knows Dairon is working to get an audience with the king

But then again I’m bad about telling which NPCs are trustworthy and which aren’t.

Ormid’s face when they mentioned the cat OH MY GOD

okay fine god now I have to trust him

"I know we are talking about very important things but" I’m dying

Y’all fixing to get a symbol of the Cerberus Assembly damn

I don’t necessarily LIKE Ormid not entirely trust him but he’s already

Insight check on Sprinkles to see if he wants to go back with Jester aw

lol getting pet advice from him maybe I like him a little bit

PUMAT SOOOOL

it’s been so long!

PUMAAAAT SOL

Guys I have missed Pumat so much he just brings me so much joy

Fetch quest for Pumat DO IT PLZ

Oh

Wait

Basilisk oil that’s maybe not a great idea

GO SAILING TO THE ISLANDS

They gotta go to islands for Traveler Con right is that close?

"Let me get it from CritRole stats" lol

Oh thank god health potions

Armor boost oil is neat (plus 1 to AC isn’t bad) but ouch it’s pricy

I love that they CANNOT keep money they get it and then they spend it. It’s #relatable

Uh.... what’s happening to my boy?!

Caduceus?!

MATT WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY BOY??

45 pats slashing??

WHAT IS HAPPENING

CADUCEUS

oh NO

fuck no

Is there a rift near?!

WHAT THE FUCK

The Inevitable End?

WHAT IS HAPPENING?

Evil assassin person??

45 points of damage fuck

This is bad

Sam: “WE’RE SHOPPING MATT” MOOD

23 doesn’t hit?!

Oh they’re in trouble

God DAMN I’m freaked out omg

Does he have The Invulnerable Vangrent as a map??

God what a cliffhanger

[the-ipre]

7! 13! 31!

7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

“I am not Bren.” Not anymore. You made sure of that. Caleb’s voice was a snarl, piercing through the sparks and the smoke and the trickery to the heart of the man who had destroyed his life. As he stood there, shaking with terror and fury and pain, all the people who he had been stretched out behind him like afterimages. As he raised his arm with clenched teeth, all those skins he had inhabited and names he had borrowed and lives he had lived lifted their arms alongside.

The Mighty Nein fought with him, and he would not let them down.

Hands shaking, he released the spell burning the tips of his fingers for all he was worth. “My name is Caleb Widogast, and you will not hurt my friends.”

ok holy shit i just went through and reread burning bridges, and like. IT SLAPS if i do say so myself. the writing style is really fun? a lot of threes because that’s my writing style but it works imo, especially for caleb’s mentality and way of processing things. and not to be a Big NB but like. it’s about the names and the identity that you choose and the found family

13. What’s the best writing advice you’ve ever come across?

this is kind of general and not from any one person but just. you’ve just gotta write it. get words on paper or the screen, it doesn’t matter if it’s good or you put [figure out X later] or you don’t know where you’re going, just let yourself write and see what happens

what i do sometimes is write on paper where i can’t go back or get distracted so easily, and then transcribe it, and in the transcription you can edit (and also feel good about the cool stuff you’ve written)

31. Do you take liberties with canon or are you very strict about your fic being canon compliant?

if i am writing in a canon setting i try to keep it relatively canon compliant? like i’ll do my own thing and write what i think could happen in the future (even while knowing that it won’t be canon), but i usually view canon and au as pretty distinct categories (idk if that makes sense)

i do really really love just fun aus for the sake of aus tho? like, how i made My Brand™ here was just writing au posts because seeing what you can do in your own world is always very fun

[meadowmines]

MAG102-104

More or less directly transcribing the notes made while listening at the laundromat.

also extremely go fuck yourself Elias, in case I haven’t said that enough lately.

MAG102: Oh good, Melanie is on her bullshit again. Honey pls. Put the knife down. Surely there are better ways to deal with this than showing Elias your stabs, although I can’t say I’d be too upset if you got him real good in one or two non-vital but really painful areas.

“I am still here, you know >:/” yes Elias I’m sure they know.

Nasty wood smell. Oh goody, this is a Corruption statement, isn’t it? Great. Rad. I’m trying to eat here but go off I guess.

“my little beetle” oh god oh fuck he means that literally doesn’t he except, haha, it’s not a little beetle is it

c  h  i  l  d  r  e  n   oh god oh fuck oh god oh god oh no no no

“It happened two days ago” oh god here we go brace for bug(s) where bug(s) should never be

[unmistakable scribble that is the handwritten equivalent to horrified keysmashing] 

[very large, very heavy-handed ornate cursive “Nope”]

ohnononononononoFINGERNAIL SQUICKnonononononoNONONONO

“your associate?” ...Gerard!? Holy shit!

oh god they’re going to his place. they’re going to see the “””little beetle”””.

~*♥ Benoit the Bugfucker ♥*~

WELL THAT WAS PRETTY FUCKING HORRIBLE THANKS FOR THAT

“...this is written in French.” Jon doesn’t speak French. HI YES HELLO WHAT THE FUCK. 

Oh goody a wedding invitation with dubious stains awesome rad thanks

“Stranger or Filth” yikes

Aw, Martin. [stick figure me mashing two smaller stick figures together, speech bubble reading “now HUG”]

MAG103: Still hella worried about Tim. ...pig story. oh gahd it’s The Flesh. 

[lots of pig doodles and bacon references and other pig-related marginalia]  Some Pig mmm long pig MONSTER PIG oh great BIG PIG

“The rest” oh godddddddddddddddddddddddd [note: I do not remember what this was in reference to? lemme check the transcript real quick and... ah yes! “the rest” being “the rest of the reasons besides being fuck-off huge, why this pig is a Monster Pig, which I kind of really didn’t want to know! Of course!]

RIP Toby :(

long pig short pig wide pig narrow pig

Oh shit, the circus? Not that circus. Dang.

Clown meat tastes funny

OH GROSS [re: subject’s dream of Angus eating himself]. ...mmm femurs

[There seem to be an awful lot of references to femurs in particular in this show? Which--listen, I don’t blame Jonny for that one bit, “femur” is an inherently funny word and it needs to be used more]

monster pig luvs you 

yeah um my dude I think bacon is the last thing anyone here wants right now thanks

Oh shit, Gertrude was in NZ! ...they caught up with the bro. Our Gerard was there, papers and stuff? ...DRAG HIM JON!

Oh shit, Daisy. ...whatever y’all are planning sounds great but knowing this show it’s going to critfail and blow up in your faces, possibly literally but have fun w/that.

MAG104: [Handwritten notes are a little thin on this one because I was folding my laundry at the time but there are a whole lot of D: faces and a whole lot of “oh shit Tim”]

Urbex never ends well in this show

THIS IS WHERE HIS ROBERT SMIRKE THING CAME FROM. 

clown [for some reason I felt that “clown” was enough to get the significance of this across]

[very large “OH GAWD D:” at the clown peeling the Danny-thing like a banana]

YES TIM FUCK THEM ALL THE WAY UP GREAT TO HAVE YOU BACK BUDDY ah goddammit it’s fucking Elias again. 

butt out, Elias. 

TIM NO WTF HE’S GOING TO TAKE YOU UP ON THAT. [no, seriously, I was 1000000% certain Elias was just going to go “lol k” and cap him right then and there]

...God, Tim is doomed, isn’t he?

[ryouverua]

Trial 6 - My Will, Our Will (7)

A new challenger has appeared!

Trial: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6

Being on the other side of Shuichi’s glare and pointer finger is terrifying and now I’m understanding why all the culprits and others start freaking out so much. 8′D

Also, ooooh there it is, oh there’s Clair de Lune, i’mnotcryingyou’recrying

WE’RE REALLY DOING CLAIR DE LUNE THE WHOLE WAY THROUGH AREN’T WE

OH NO

A hope that requires two of their classmates to die... that’s the definition of ‘hope’ that was forced on them. K1-b0 is happy as long as he’s opposing despair - but Shuichi isn’t. I.... I think I understand what he’s saying.

“S-Seriously Shuichi, I really don’t get a chance to be cool very often and you’re really stealing my thunder -”

“You, uh, remember that my name is pronounced ‘Kii-bo’ too, right - ?”

“YOU HEARD WHAT I SAID!”

The music is continuing?!?! We’re using Clair de Lune the whole way through?? Man this is making even more of an impact than them playing the opening music - because there’s no triumph to be found here.

He seems so betrayed! S-Sweetcheeks, we really need to finish his last FTE when this is all over!

Oh..... oh....... oooooooh -

Shuichi why would you say something so controversial yet so brave -

“SEE!!! I CAN DO THIS TOO SHUICHI!!!”

mmm also look at my sweet v-counter skills guys -

It’s not some great overwhelming force of nature, or some grand enemy to be conquered, something that can be easily shoved into a defining box! It’s a feeling, like anything else! And sure, despair is considered ‘the dark side’, but are we just going to let them also define hope for us?

........

also. ALSO.

THESE COMMENTS. THESE COMMENTS. I-I can’t stop collecting them -

No, that’s wrong!

What are you saying, hat boy? i might steal ‘hat boy’ that’s really good

Can’t say anything now, scrub

He’s not wearing a hat anymore. THE COMMENTER CORRECTED THE OTHER ONE GFGH

What if Shuichi is the mastermind? girl where have you been for the last hour -

I wonder who’s going to live.

Hope always comes in waves.

You’re slipping up, detective.

hurry up and vote

Show me hope.

There’s hope because there’s despair.

Suck it, hope

Keebo’s not gonna lose!

Keebo is hope...

and hope lives on!

Shuichi is the cycle of despair?

Things are getting interesting.

The fight’s just started!

The endorphin rush they get when, despite all odds, the good guys win over the bad guys, reaffirming that ‘good’ always overcomes ‘evil’....

Or worse yet, they revel in it, because to paraphrase a certain someone, ‘they’ll use these tragedies to shine even brighter.’ Watching someone rise above adversity and come out the other side even stronger is inspiring. For the same reason that we enjoy playing the games and cheering the survivors on when Junko or whoever is ultimately defeated in the end, this audience eats up every round of the killing game. They can enjoy that with the privilege granted by being able to observe it from the outside, just like us. But strip that layer away, and -

I’m sorry, excuse me?

YEAH SHUICHI IS ON A ROLL HERE DON’T STOP HIM NOW

What’s with that look, Tsumugi? Is it because Shuichi wasn’t actually supposed to fight for despair? Or was the idea that he would be cheered on/convinced by K1-b0, the same way that Naegi convinced the others in the first game?

Th.... The music..... stopped....

LAZY PARALLEL WORLD!!!

oh man maybe Tsumugi can hear the music cues. Maybe she realizes Shuichi is onto something. now I’m imagining every time the music shifts Tsumugi’s the only one aware of it, and she’s also the only one reacting appropriately to it ffhg

Also, I assumed that the punishment was execution... but was... was that the mental trap???

Why wouldn’t there be?! They’re being ‘sacrificed’, aren’t they?!?!

Everything would make sense -

Oooh! Ooh - ! Is - is that what it is, then?!

Jeez, it’s super interesting to be in K1-b0′s POV for this - especially with Shuichi being the one asking us questions. Being in his POV before meant he never had the opportunity to really use leading questions like this, which really lends him an unexpected air of authority. Unexpected but earned, mind you...

HE’S DIRECTING QUESTIONS AT THE AUDIENCE NOW TOO?!?!

You continue the cycle....

Oh, poor, poor Rantaro -

Did he have the same options laid out for him? Or did he know that he would be choosing to repeat the game? He still had the determination to end the killing game.. so was that left over from his last game’s iteration? How many times has he repeated it? For that matter, how long has he been in holding while they gathered new people??? I swear that one commenter said they had waited 3 years, so???? Rantaro how old are you?? 

Was there only one person made into a sacrifice, or two like last game? .... side-eyes K1-b0 and Tsumugi -

Does... that mean Tsumugi was the mastermind last game too, or....

Also Maki as the Ultimate Survivor would absolutely tear things up. They’d have to pull another stunt like they did with Rantaro if they wanted her out of the game. She definitely has the fitness and demeanour to survive, unless she snaps on someone like she did on Kokichi in Chapter 5.

Just like Kokichi did, Shuichi is going to try and attack the game itself. His name really hasn’t come up since the motive video reveal, but I’d like to think that this strategy was inspired by his Chapter 5 plan.

What an interesting set of characters to represent despair winning. First we have Izuru, being all disdainful of their choice and mocking him with the word ‘boring’ - very much his thing, but also reminiscent of Kokichi. In fact, I suppose the despair option is very similar to the stalemate situation Kokichi installed when he was pretending to be the mastermind!

Then Celestia. She’s not a people-pleasing person. So why her? Thinking back, she was one of the most desperate to escape, despite hiding it... so maybe this is Tsumugi ‘showing’, not telling, that she isn’t happy with them choosing the despair option?

And then the hope fanboy... basically telling them that despair is the inferior option, but couching it in positive language. Passive-aggressively pushing them towards the actual answer (s)he wants - very on point for him.

Is it really okay to pass the buck like that?

In perpetuity...

I..... I don’t have an answer for that.

It does... sort of suck that he’s singling out those two in his speech, because it can feel like he’s being dismissive of everyone else - but I don’t think that’s true. He definitely appreciates the losses of everyone else, but those two were the ones that hit him hardest.

of course it’s bloody Komaeda over there having the time of his life during this speech

First of all - how strange is it that there are only a few people who look like they aren’t in excruciating pain right now. Rantaro’s face can’t be seen, Angie, Ryoma and Tenko look like they’re sleeping, and Kaito is smiling....

And - ah, Kokichi can’t even be seen. But there ‘he’ is, with his own section in this collage - I guess that third ‘body discovery’ we had in chapter 3 was the closest we would ever get to something real, huh? Poor guy...

“You said I’d be fighting the entire world, Tsumugi? Fine by me! Meet me behind the school after the trial!”

“S-Shuichi that’s a lot of people -”

“AND I’M GOING TO FIGHT EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM!!!”

That’s... true. There is a mental barrier that is hard to cross, especially if they’ve all conditioned themselves to accept real people dying for their own entertainment.

Also there are new comments, which means I am obligated to transcribe them.  Most of them is the audience turning on Shuichi, damn. Okay, here it goes:

Forget about Shuichi

You’re in despair, right?

show me the despair ending

it’s okay to feel despair sometimes... THANK YOU ANON COMMENTER

Why have we been doing this...?

Hope doesn’t turn back!

The big reveal, at last

And it was just getting interesting.

We’re the mastermind.

Are they blaming us?

hurry up and refute it

C’mon, Keebo! Attack!

Force hope through.

something’s different right?

C’mon Keebo!

No, that’s wrong!

No, that’s wrong!

What’s going to happen?

mmm... Shuichi’s eyes ^q^ SWEETCHI97 STRIKES AGAIN

What are you saying, detective?

Oh!!! Oh shit!!! Shuichi you brilliant bastard!!!

“Thank god - I mean, let’s be honest, we all knew this was coming - uh, I mean -”

Actually though, how depressing. So many times we’ve talked about ‘reasons to live’, and later on, reasons to die, and lo and behold here we are, at the end of everything...

Shuichi’s learned from the best, Kokichi Ouma - sometimes, death is just a means to an end, and that end is usually flipping someone off.

Random thought - isn’t it interesting that Shuichi is the ‘lone man against everyone’ while Tsumugi, the final boss, is the one ‘acting on behalf of everyone’? When Naegi was trying to rally everyone on his side, they had known at that point that people had been fighting and dying to rescue them. For Hajime and the others, they had the defected Future Foundation members who had risked their own safety to come in and rescue them, and even had Nanami reach out to him. Shuichi, though... Shuichi came to this conclusion on his own, with everyone either against him or swept up in the narrative.

He told Kokichi at the end of Chapter 4 that ‘he was alone, and always would be’. But maybe... that’s not such a bad thing. Maybe Shuichi needed to be alone to have that clarity of thought, and to come up with a way to ‘end everything’. Anyway, it’s just an unexpected parallel I thought of - m-maybe I’m just inserting endgame Kokichi and Kaito thoughts here because the game didn’t. Whoops

I AM LIVING FOR THE TOTAL REJECTION OF THE ‘HOPE’ AND ‘DESPAIR’ THEME

TAKE THAT!!!!

It’s not your own will. 8c

Can you fight it? Do you have the ability to fight it? The strength of will?

I love Monokuma’s priorities.

OH WE HAVEN’T HAD A DEBATE IN A WHILE

omg we only have hope as a bullet

And all the noise says hope

Also Shuichi is dominating it too, holy shit! This strength in his voice is super inspiring!

thank you for bringing back angry Hanamura it’s still one of my favourite things from the second game

Ohoho I see what you did there with that line ~

i’m sorry I was just curious about the fluff text

CHARACTER GROWTH

I CANNOT BELIEVE IT

K1-B0 LEARNED TO LIE!!!! I NEVER THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD COME!!!

“That’s redundant btw - I can read the comments just like the rest of you, and they literally are not shutting up about how much they want hope to win.”

speaking of which

What are you doing, Keebo?

Don’t give up hope!

Hope! Hope! Hope!

Please side with hope.

1 vote for hope!

I bet the mastermind is shocked. lol

Hurry up and show me hope.

HOPE!

COME BACK HOOOPE

Hope counter!

show us maki roll! oh hey she has fans too!

it’s unanimous hope.

Hope hasn’t lost yet.

Defeat despair!

cmon it’s hope again! right?

I’m routing for despair so *shrugs*

I got 10 bucks riding on hope. that’s it? weak

I’m on the side of hope, so...

I wanna break Shuichi’s fingers <3 SWEETCHI97 WHO HURT YOU

Huh? It’s hope?

So... So wow, even most of the people talking about wanting despair really did want the hope ending in the end. Shuichi read them like open books.

HE CAN! HE CAN DEFY THE AUDIENCE!!!! I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU K1-B0!!!!

This - this is why you’re the Ultimate Robot. Forget the upgrades - the ability to learn, grow, adapt and choose your own path is another part of your strength!

WE.... WE’RE LOSING HIS POV..... We’re losing his POV?!?!

Yeah??? You wanna expand on that???

T-Though I mean, they said they’re happy to let themselves die via no vote so exactly what can they do anyway? At the end of the day, they’re viewers, right? Relegated to an observational role. Powerful and untouchable.... but in turn, that separation of realities means what’s left of the class can’t be hurt by them, either.

Tsumugi he literally said he’s fine with dying. Exactly what can you threaten him with here???

How is it that after all of this, Shuichi is still unable to fight for himself? Maybe I should amend what I said before - he is fighting for other people. They just... well, they don’t know it yet. He’s fighting to prevent future victims, and he’s trading his own life to protect them. I guess in a sense he is fighting something ‘greater than himself’ like Naegi did, but even he had ‘hope that he and his friends would survive with a happy ending’. This is... completely the opposite of that.

GOODBYE DANGANRONPA INDEED, DAMN

And we’re back in his POV!

Oh man she is not happy about this. Not at all.

Hey? Hey Shuichi? What - what the fuck does that mean? You were going to end it all right then? Mid-trial? Excuse me what the hell did you take poison with you to the trial or something -

Oh - oh. I just realized. This... This was bloody foreshadowed, way back in Chapter 1 with the escape tunnel. With Kokichi’s speech to Kaede, about how she technically had the moral high ground when she was doing all the classic ‘we can’t give up here!’ encouragement, we got to see firsthand hope being weaponized against us. It was right there.

Of course they have Naegi pleading for hope here

He’s just talking over her omfg

You trivialized their lives in the first place and now they’re supposed to consider them sacred?!

It’s literally the only thing that still wholly belongs to them, so what other choice do they have???

Wait what is happening -

I’M HIMIKO NOW??!?!?

i can’t believe she was a slytherin this whole time

I’m quietly relieved that she doesn’t ‘nyeh’ in her internal monologue

THIS IS THE DARKEST EVIDENCE BULLET FOR ENDGAME DEAR LORD

this might be worse than nihilism - at least you weren’t able to use that

How interesting to have him fighting us (along with Sakura and Peko for that matter, the former who literally threw away her life for her classmates and the latter who treated her life as a tool for Fuyuhiko). This was his philosophy and motive of his trial, but he also chose to be the killer and used his life as a means to save the rest of his class, right? Tsumugi, what are you trying to pull here?

Though I guess the whole point was that they were all trying to help the others survive, and Shuichi is getting the whole class to kamikaze themselves so...

Damn, she didn’t take much convincing at all. It’s nice that she’s repping both Tenko and Angie here. 8′)

FUCK YEAH WE NAILED THIS HIMIKO! We work well together, who knew!

Himiko is so well-spoken here. And to think that she was the first to follow in Shuichi’s footsteps - I really thought it would be Maki. Good on you, Himiko.

lmao that segway - Alright, now it’s Maki time, right?

also Tsumugi why would you phrase it in a way to piss off Maki like damn seriously??

“No seriously why would you just call me out like that.”

........................

okay she has a point actually

Never forget that we are in a class trial where almost all of the survivors are introverts who prefer their emotions on the inside.

!!!!!!!

DFJGDSKFL SHUICHI ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME

Her... internal dialogue is so interesting and immediately comes off as different from Shuichi’s, Himiko’s and K1-b0′s. It seems... angrier, maybe. Is that it? Or maybe it’s all the red lines that makes it seem that way...

This whole line of her entire self being at the whim of someone else’s writing seems to be targeted at her more-so than the others because she’s already struggled with the idea that she’s had no choices in her life, and that she’s always been a weapon to be used by others. Actually, that’s probably why this hits so hard - she thought she was developing feelings on her own and making a choice to fight to defend him, and the idea of even that being taken away from her...

“I have love, but more importantly SPITE ON MY SIDE!!!”

AND ANOTHER ONE

hsdfjgh no don’t pan over the Kaito portrait w h y my heart

Angry Mikan is still as terrifying as she was in SDR2!

As an aside, I don’t know why Hagakure repeatedly showing up is so funny to me - I swear he’s been used more than the others? I-Is he secretly Tsumugi’s favourite character? is it because he’s also older than everyone else and she finds that thought comforting -

“I won’t go far as saying I don’t want to die mind you, but I’m surprisingly neutral on the subject!”

If Tsumugi’s ‘everyone’ who she’s fighting for is the living, then the ‘everyone’ Shuichi is fighting for is the dead...

Even if it’s fiction - it’s their reality. Expecting them to understand that because it’s someone else’s fiction... that’s just not fair, is it?

Sweetcheeks has an uphill battle to fight, but to have a second class revolt in a single game....

HEY SAIHARA-CHAN DID YOU HEAR THAT? THE ROBOT’S GETTING SASSY WITH ME!

K1-B0 YOU ABSOLUTE LEGEND

THE TEAM’S BACK TOGETHER!!!

That’s... that’s it. I think we’ve done it. They’ve finally done it! They were able to turn it around after all!

THIS IS OUR TURNABOUT!!!

[the-nysh]

Deku vs Kacchan 2, full episode live reaction/commentary

AHHHH it’s time and finally here, the important and long-awaited cathartic showdown I’ve been wanting to see animated for ages, as one of my most favorite parts of the manga, both character and relationship wise. ;A; Managed to stay offline and avoid reaction spoilers so I could see it fresh for myself without any distractions. So here we go with my whole in depth breakdown of the episode! 8’D Where I repeatedly get stabbed in the heart and end up completely losing my shit! Length: 4000+ words.

Edit: several of the sub’s lines have since been shown to be mistranslated, which I still transcribe here for comparison’s sake, since I already have the manga’s script memorized anyway. :’D

Last ep left us hanging with Deku’s reaction to Kacchan’s proposal for a fight, so bam, I’m glad this ep starts off immediately with his fumbling answer to him (midpoint of ch117). Ahh, if there’s one thing I miss from the manga, it’s the panel of Kacchan’s deadpan reaction to Deku’s rambling. The anime instead keeps his face half hidden until–

GAH!!!! ;A; THERE IT IS!!! His sudden face of open and honest sincerity! (One of my fav manga panels actually.) Subs have his line as, “What part of you made All Might do what he did? Let me see for myself. If the way you admired him was correct, then does that mean my admiration was wrong?” Oh noo... :’O The anime doesn’t show his whole face warping into a pained, unnerving expression like the manga does (and in a way I was hoping to see that transition animated), but instead shows an extreme close up of his eye, desperate and dead serious. Gbhgh, very tense and chilling (omg plus that dramatic choir ost swelling in the bg is getting to me too).  

Flashback to both their childhood lines about All Might! UGH!!! I was not expecting baby Deku’s line to be that broken and watery! D’8 And said over the image of them standing opposed like that??!!! URGHHH fucking hell!!!

Crying and trembling baby Deku’s aspirations, said when he found out he was quirkless, with his dreams probably permanently crushed, and emotionally at his lowest, helpless, and most vulnerable point, REALLY GETS TO ME?! Fuck!! Just a prelude to seeing Kacchan’s turn at his most emotionally vulnerable too. (gwah, break for the opening, hah I forgot that hadn’t even played yet :P)    

….!!!!!! 👀👀 Shit, shit!! There’s almost no room to breathe here! Ayy they show Kacchan stretch his arms and note how Deku uses kicks now (yoo he’s observant and watches Deku too), but gah! You can really feel Deku’s ‘hold on, wait!!’ pleas, because holy fuck this is jumping into it so fast! I’m not ready either!! D8 

Ok, I can actually breathe a bit when Deku slows down to analyze which hand Kacchan will use, but ohh!!! They animated one of my fav effects, the popping sparks on Kacchan’s palm before he lets it all loose. :’D Hoo, “You like to read a lot into things, huh?” They don’t show the manga’s direct view of his smirk for this line, but do show the panels for their dual “Come on!” vs “Are you serious, Kacchan?” lines. (Hooboi, I’m recognizing manga panels left and right here. And why yes, Deku, Kacchan has been dead serious about what he wants from you this whole time.) 

Yooo, that one sliding shot of them closing in face to face from the preview, but damn, that extra shot of all the over the top destruction to their vicinity. Whew, now that’s impressive for showing the scale/magnitude and seriousness of his explosions. :O (The collateral damage wasn’t shown nearly to that extent in the manga however, so wow. Also uwaah at the chilling ost for when Aizawa is notified.)  

Ayyy!!! My fav bits of popping sparks are animated again. :D What isn’t shown is the manga’s detailed close up panels of them crouched on opposite sides of the road, but rather now they’re standing there, until Kacchan forcefully leaps onto Deku’s side. Visually this is an interesting and heyyy symbolic change. 

Mmmm!!! Deku’s pleas for him to wait remind Kacchan of when baby Deku used to say the same to him in the past. :’))) To wait for him so Deku could catch up from following behind. Hrgh, symbolic flashback montage time. ;.; “No matter how much I beat you up,” ehhh more like he knocked Deku back down whenever he intruded too close for comfort, to try and make him stay back and stop pursuing him (to no avail however), “you were always stuck to my back like glue…!” Yup, because Deku’s spirit never gave up. :’) Ah, and now present Kacchan telling him, “Don’t run! Fight!” feels like a very challenge TO Deku’s tendency to always stick close to him. The Deku he’s always known can’t just break that behavior now and run away, especially not when Kacchan’s actually invited/allowed him into his space this time (figuratively, by acknowledging and offering the fight)! :O

“Even though we both admired the same person…!” ;.; To which Kacchan also recalls All Might’s words to him from their final exam, and how their levels of growth are different. (ok and by the way, the ost during this part is !!!!!) Fuck, fuck!!! D8 All Kacchan’s repeated and desperate questions “why?!” during their rapid back and forth of mixed blows, blocks and kicks…! (omgggg this animated sequence!) To Deku’s surprise counter-kick back, and…

The trip and FALL. (btw ost completely silences now) It’s coming it’s coming it’s coming…! Notice the position of the street’s center divide line. How both of them are stopped so close to the center now, yet still edging on opposite sides. Deku, shocked and realizes Kacchan might be hurt…powers down and instantly runs to him with the familiar outstretched hand & offer to help! ;A; Throwback to the river incident when Kacchan also fell and Deku offered THE same question, “A-Are you okay?” Ooof, the instant nerve button and animated slap away!

Ffffruuggh!! Shit, it’s happening; Kacchan’s voice is breaking. ;A; How he teeters and stands up swaying. “Why did I end up having to chase after the back of someone who was always behind me?” URGHH oh goddd, I’m in pain with the raspy broken delivery already. Also, now that Kacchan’s standing up, his feet are parted on both sides of the line, where now both him and Deku are standing in the center of the road. “Why did a damn small fry like you get strong…and become acknowledged by All Might…? Why is it that you become strong…but I…” SHIT SHIT SHIT;;; “Why was I…” Ohhhh my god, the slow raise of his head…!

“Why was I the one who ended All Might?!” HHHRRUUGHHH!!! THERE IT IS!! The most pained face of desperation and anguish. At probably his most conflicted and emotionally vulnerable point that he’s ever been in the story ;A; Just fucking end me where Nobu makes his voice crack and go all shrill while letting it all out. Some animated sakuga on the delivery and shake of his head here too, kkrghh. ;.; “If I’d been stronger and if I hadn’t been kidnapped by villains, then that wouldn’t have happened…” (ost starts again, and hrgg yes, the animated wipe at his eyes) “All Might tried to keep it a secret…I couldn’t tell anyone! Even if I try not to think about it…it just comes to mind unexpectedly!” (fuck me upppp, the way they animated him shaking his head here ;A;) “I don’t know what to do!” THE TEARS!!! It…it finally happened, and welp, I’m a mess now too. ;A; Kacchan’s line where he wails he doesn’t know what to do, would have had extra context/weight with Twice’s chapter shown before it (as in the manga). Because Twice notes how important it is to know ‘who you are and what you want to do’...and right now we see Kacchan currently struggling at that same personal and internal impasse. (Fortunately it looks like Twice’s part will still be adapted later.)

The shock here, that Deku feels, that I felt when I first read this part in the manga…and the realization that solidified with it, made me finally understand who my fav character was all along. There was no longer any doubt or denial holding me back anymore. Kacchan is that bleeding heart. At his most openly raw and vulnerable, bearing his true self for the entire audience and most importantly, for only Deku to see. Oh no…MY BOYYYYYYYY!!! ;A; <3333 “He’s been carrying this with him this whole time…! More than me…this whole time… He’s been worrying about it…Thinking about it…”

Hrgh, and Deku understands now too, just how much self-blame and guilt Kacchan put himself through after All Might’s retirement. Kacchan had been in more pain over it than Deku. With Deku shouldering the responsibility of All Might passing the torch onto him with the ‘your next’ line, Kacchan had shouldered the responsibility of believing he was the very reason that caused the end to his idol’s legacy of heroism. Taking a stab wound through his own heart, enduring that burden all by himself, and without able to tell anyone about it either. All while keeping up appearances that he’s ‘strong’ on the outside, yet all along hating how weak he actually is. Because of his inability and powerlessness to prevent this huge loss from happening in the first place. 

“There might not be any meaning in this fight. There might not be any meaning in winning or losing. Even so, I thought that I had to go through with it. Because right now, I’m the only one who can accept Kacchan’s feelings.”

BOIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!! There it is! ;A; Because it’s so true. Deku is the only one who can possibly understand both the familiarity and magnitude of what Kacchan is going through now. Good lord, Deku monologues this while Kacchan slowly steps towards him, teetering on the edge of the literal white line!!! Ah wait no, he steps over it and runs to the other (Deku’s) side of the road!! URGHHHHH!!!! Destroy me with this visual ‘walking the line’ symbolism!! ;A; Even Deku braces himself over both sides of the center line, to receive and deliver an answering kick right back at him, in the physical language Kacchan wants right now. Here we goooo~

More Deku internal monologue: “He might’ve just wanted to release these feelings he couldn’t do anything about by fighting. Even if that was the case, I couldn’t just completely reject him. It was kind of twisted if you thought about it.” Hrm, choosing to word it as a ‘twisted’ way of thinking, huh. “From kindergarten to elementary school, middle school, and high school…We’ve known each other for a long time, but until now, we’ve never talked about how we really felt.” Krgh, fuck me uppp with that shot of them back to back together. ;A;

Ahhhh!!! This part of the action resembles Nakamura’s a bit, with the dynamic zoom ins, impact frames, and flashy flame effects. ;A; Can only just sit in awe and watch it happen. No thinking indeed.

GUH! All the way up to the physical strike Kacchan gives to Deku’s core…ouch ouch;;; That bit animating how Deku dents the railing from the force of impact tho. D8 Omg these manga panels are implemented so quick, with them reacting and continuing without pause! Deku backflipping off the rail, but Kacchan catches his arm and throws him. The recoil landing him back in same place where Deku first landed on the rail too. Gosh these details!! DD8    

“It’s only natural, but I’ve gotten stronger…” hrmm, the manga had it seem like Deku was comparing his slow reaction time to Kacchan’s rapid moves, while also praising him out loud too. Now, the subs have Deku talking and referring to only himself…to which Kacchan responds with “What’re you smiling about!?”…so which pronoun is the truth. But oh shit!!! Yoooo, that ost begins! 8’DD

“I’m sure you’re up to something! That’s what makes me sick! I can’t tell what you’re thinking! No matter how much I beat you up, you stick close! Even though you were nothing, it’s like you’re looking down on me!” *gasp* Only now, does Deku finally register and hear those words. It’s the same thing Kacchan told him during their first vs match, how he felt Deku was always looking down on him. They didn’t stop to listen to each other, and couldn’t even accurately read each other’s signals, this whole time! “That attitude you have like you’re better than me, like you’re seriously gonna surpass me– It’s an eyesore!” Because yep, Kacchan just can’t understand Deku’s intentions either. Can’t read or fathom why on earth Deku would bother to keep coming back to him regardless of all his attempts to keep him away.

“Is…Is that what you thought?” (ah yes, and I notice how Kacchan is standing on both sides of the white line again) “I mean, normally, if someone keeps looking down on you, you won’t want anything to do with them anymore.” Ya Deku, because that’s the same thing Kacchan thought about you too, that he felt like he was also being looked down on, by someone who was perpetually and already deemed the weakest, so he tried to distance himself from the walking conundrum (the contradictory person he couldn’t understand: Deku) that incited those confusing and wary feelings. Avoiding Deku didn’t work, physically and verbally pushing him away didn’t work, because Deku always returned back to him. If Kacchan ultimately couldn’t do anything about it, then the only thing left for him to wonder, is WHY?!

“But like I said before, because I had nothing at first, along with the parts I hated about you, I saw vividly all the amazing things you could do!” UWAHH!!

There it is, the sub’s version of the ‘to the same extent as all of your unpleasant traits, your sheer amazingness at everything you do was so brilliant to me, it was blinding!’ :’))))) “You, who had so much that I didn’t have, were an amazing person much closer to me than All Might!” BAWWWWW!!! There it is! ;A; His ‘Kacchan sugoi!’ Comparing everything he admired in him to something much closer, reachable, and worth aiming for in his life than their far-off, distant idol, All Might. ;.; As the answer to Kacchan’s why: Deku had always chased and sought after him, because he was that personal source of inspiration. How Deku viewed the positives he saw in him was so important, it likely kept the hope of his aspirations afloat ever since he was a toddler, when Deku had otherwise nothing else to keep him going. Without Kacchan nearby in Deku’s life, it’s doubtful Deku’s spirit would have even grown as strong as it is today. Kacchan is that important to him!!

(Holy fuck this is only just the HALFWAY POINT of the ep!! ;A; They managed to cover THIS much content in 10 min, whewboi that’s impressive.)    

Omgg there it is, Kacchan’s unhinged grin at seeing Deku momentarily gain on him with a solid hit he could not avoid. Hoho, perhaps he likes it. ;) Finally getting a worthy answer and challenge to play toe to toe. His game on literally flares at that! Bonus: his eyes finally have a visible shine returned to them!!!! ;A;

Ok omg wait no, THIS animated part looks more like Nakamura’s style! Improvising off the manga’s panels for a flashy new set of choreography with plenty of impact frames!! 8D Fav part, to no one’s surprise: the shot of Kacchan’s glowing/sparking palm. Oh fuk that’s cool. <3

Hoho, and it’s not just Kacchan’s game that’s sparked, Deku’s has been too, to the point he even starts channeling Kacchan’s more ill-mannered traits. “This is gross, so I can’t tell you to your face, but…” (omg wut, gross? Heh goodness, Deku’s that embarrassed by it. :P) “When my feeling of ‘I have to beat you’ is stronger than ‘I have to save you,’ I inadvertently start spouting more insults. That’s the part of you that I hate, but the image of ‘victory’ I have inside me is of you.” …!!!!!! Urggkgh ;.;

Deku’s inner confession time. When he wants to win just as badly just as Kacchan does, aka his ‘what would Kacchan do?’ moments, without consciously controlling it, he starts behaving just like him too, foul-mouthed and all. :’D Even taking on the parts of him he dislikes. Kacchan’s influence runs that deep, and he’s set that much of an amazing, winning example to strive for, that Deku pretty much unconsciously becomes the embodiment of him whenever he gets desperate too. Whew, let that sink in. For how much Deku values Kacchan. :’D  

Hooo, love the shot of Kacchan leaping up, for the way it’s framed AND because his eyes appear to be glowing red. :’D Yuuus, adapting a manga panel so nicely!

“I’m not a nice enough guy to just go along with your stress-relieving fight.” Hoho! And yuus, Deku has his own backbone to fully stand up to him with his own strength. Omgg and the shot zooming in from afar with the camera doing a full rotation around them leaping at each other! Ahhh! So cool!

Deku’s not handicapped to stick to just his legs (that would be using only half his repertoire, which wouldn’t fly in an honest, all-out challenge vs Kacchan) “I want to beat you, the incarnation of victory!” ;A; “In order to meet the expectations of All Might, who chose me!” By delivering his classic, straight ‘smash’ punch!

Krhggh!!! The punch actually brings shine to Kacchan’s eyes too, at the moment he resolves not to lose. His trademark tenacity and resourcefulness are not to be underestimated! Omgg, the animation of his arm grabbing Deku’s sleeve! :O Flipping them into an explosive pile-drive right down to the asphalt.

Smoke clears, and AKLFHLGHGJHGJ?! It’s the pin where they’re both breathing and wheezing hard!!! (Truth be told, when I first saw this page in the manga, it left me going uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh for…what it almost looks like. :P) Fucking hell, animation team went even further with the tightening movements in the close up shots for each hold. ERMM 👀;;; Ahahaha wow, I can’t ignore how suggestive this looks, uh, and hears. Omg BONES pls. ;D

Yooo, and even though Kacchan won this, he’s not happy or gloating about it either. Rather he reproachfully questions Deku, while still taking heaving breaths over him, ahh and there’s less blood on his face than expected, that if he has All Might’s power, then what is he doing losing? “Even with that power…even if you made that your own…You still lost to me…Hey…Why did you lose?” Like Kacchan can’t believe it himself. Heck, even from the pained look on his face, it’s almost like he wanted Deku to win.  

Speak of the devil! Because the man himself arrives, having heard the whole thing. Ayy, and we have both boys completing each other’s sentence upon seeing him too. :’)  

Kacchan’s “It’s too late…” while looking away, in response to All Might apologizing for not noticing, has me pained. ;.; Now, fully asking All Might the same ‘why’ about Deku too, for a clear answer this time. ‘I thought you were strong as someone who could already compete; he was powerless but more heroic than anyone else, so I decided he should also be able to stand in the ring.’  

“I’m weak, too, you know…!” ;A; Ah!!! Oh no, my heart. “I always wanted to be strong, like you! It’s because I’m weak…that I made you turn into that…!” Uhuhuu, oh no, my boy. <333 Ooof, and while the manga showed Kacchan’s pained, guilt-ridden face to All Might here, now the anime shows Deku’s astonished reaction to his line too. :’) Mmm, that moment of rare yet honest humility from Kacchan. Savor it, for the truth of how he feels.  

Double oof and BAWWWW!! Animated Dad Might’s reassuring and comforting hug!! ;A; That none of what happened to him was Kacchan’s fault to begin with. Along with All Might’s regret that he overlooked how this would affect him, only seeing his strength from the outside, and ending up making him bear that kind of burden alone. (He’s still only just a 15/16yr old kid to be dealing with this! D:), Krgghhh aww man, Kacchan really needed this; he’s practically starved for it. Even if the softness received from his idol’s compassion and a sincere apology still hurts. The reality still stings. Uwah, that dejected slap away from his touch. ;.;

“After being a hero for a long time, I’ve seen that being fixated on victory like you, Young Bakugo, and wanting to save those in trouble like, you, Young Midoriya…If either of those feelings is missing, then a hero won’t be able to carry out the justice he wants to carry out. Like how you, Young Midoriya, admired Young Bakugo’s strength, and how you, Young Bakugo, feared Young Midoriya’s heart…Now that your feelings are out in the open, I think you both understand. If you both recognize each other and can focus on making each other stronger, then you can save people to win and win to save people, becoming the greatest heroes.”

DESTROY ME RIGHT NOW!!!! ;A; It’s…the iconic LINE! Bonus YES!!!! Animating their slow, softening expressions to become more open as the realization sinks in, just like in the manga’s split panels! ;A; AHHHHH all of my feels! <333 Because it’s just as All Might says: that by supporting and helping each other improve, especially in the specialized areas where the other’s lacking, their combined strengths can become much stronger together than they could only operating alone. Greatest hero duo foreshadowing! 8D 

“You…had the strongest guy lay the groundwork for you. Don’t lose.” :’DDD That kind of humble encouragement from Kacchan to Deku, ahhh good.  

Omg, All Might’s extra line, “I should be bowing and begging you to keep this secret. Just how much will I need you to be considerate for my sake…? Sorry, thanks.” !!!! ;.; I don’t remember this line put exactly like this, but it’s just…compared to what All Might’s already had to do, prostrating himself in front of others to keep his word, Kacchan is…well, when things are truly important, he’s probably one of the most honest and faithful guys there is. He keeps true to his word; he can be trusted. :’) “I’m not being considerate. It’s just too big a risk with too many drawbacks to spread this around.” Heh well, taking the smart and logical excuse then. :P And just like Kacchan can be trusted where things matter, All Might deems it worthy at this point to allow him the truth behind everything involving OfA and its history too.

Hoooo, I love how afterwards, when both boys are following All Might, on both sides of the road now, they’re also at the same equal distance back, side by side, without either falling behind. :’))) Ahh small symbolism for what’s changed in their dynamic. “Jeez, damn Deku, why’d you have to go and tell me for?” BECAUSE HE CARES ABOUT YOU, DUMBASS! And didn’t want you to feel like you were being tricked or lied to! ;A; (Yet...Kacchan still felt that way anyway) Agghh well, these hopeless fools. :’) Bonus soft Kacchan. <3

“But unlike what I’ve been doing until now, Deku– Like how you’ve been watching me and everything around you and absorbing it to get stronger, I’ll also make everything my own to go higher. Higher than even you, the chosen one.” :DD Yuus! Kacchan’s conviction not to cease his own aspirations, but rather to focus even higher than Deku, and now with a greater awareness on how to approach that mutual climb.

“The…then, I’ll go even higher than that! I have to get higher than you!”   “I said, I’m gonna surpass you!” “And I’m saying that I need to go higher than that!” “What?!”

Ahaha, it shifts to their comedic bickering back and forth, as All Might muses how they’ve become more like proper rivals now. :’D Yuus, and now the secret behind All Might and OfA became a secret among the three of them. :’)))

Even more comedy seeing them both captured in Dadzawa’s tape! XD But what’s also so nice/fun about this is how they react like a pair of equally troublesome kids, both on the same page now. :’3 

All Might gives his astute explanation, “Young Bakugo felt responsible for my retirement. He had to face the exam with those pent-up feelings, and in the end, his inferiority complex exploded.” Hmm, exploded quite literally. “It was because I didn’t realize and was negligent in his mental care…It was a fight brought about by the failure of adults…” :’)))) I’m glad All Might is humble and aware enough to realize and admit all of this. Tending for the students’ mental health, especially after a potentially traumatic event, and especially as children with no frame of reference on how to deal with any of this alone, is so important. Even the adult teachers learn how to do things better. It’s also heartwarming to see how All Might takes up the responsibility for causing Kacchan to fail his exam, reasoning Kacchan was too preoccupied with the pent-up feelings over his retirement that he couldn’t properly focus. Trading Kacchan’s responsibility of shouldering the burden, onto his own. Dad Might is so good. <3  

Hooo, and yup, Kacchan owns up to what he did and admits he threw the first punch. :’DDD Oho, but Deku won’t run away from what happened either, “I also went in pretty hard.” Ayyy, slowly maturing boys. <3

*end credits break*

AFTER CREDITS SCENE!! Of their house arrest cleaning!!! :’D Oh sweet, Uraraka asks if they’ve made up. :’3 Yes, she supports them getting along too! YESSS then the quiet scene of them vacuuming alone! 8D

“About my Shoot Style… How was it…?” *long nervous pause, from both their povs* “The motions when you’re preparing to do a move are too big.” *cue soft mellow ost!* “Even when you got faster, I was able to just barely react in time. It’s not good for a slugfest.” “I see...” “When you used it with your punch, it made me mad.” *cue Deku’s honest surprise, and WOBBLY SMILE* ;A;   “I see…!”

HRGGHH yes, their newly soft, tentative, awkward, yet ‘normal’ interactions. :’D As tender as a band-aid freshly removed and the skin left to heal on its own. The awkward dorks are taking wholesome baby steps now. With Kacchan willingly offering Deku encouragement and fighting advice in his own way. ;A; (Heh, Deku’s mixed, overly telegraphed style made him mad when Kacchan actually got caught off-guard.) Boi I cry, especially when the ost finally started up, nurturing that collective awwww moment. They are good and learning boys, and this is just the beginning! :’D

PREVIEW TIME!  

…!! :O Yes, it’s Twice!! What was skipped from ch 115 looks to be moved here. (This ep61 adapted content from mid117-mid121.)  *gasp* OH SHIT, Overhaul tease!!! And…!!! *screeching gasp* IT’S HIMMMMMMM!!! ;A; MIRIO!!!

AHHHHH <33333 Although my hype was off the charts to finally view this ep in its entirety, ahh omg I have plenty of more hype in store to finally see HIM animated as well! X’3 Oooh, this shall be good, with the Big Three tease too!

[horrible-on-main]

His least favourite handlers have discovered a new game.

“Dear Holy Acolytes,” Julla dictates, giggling. The pen scratches across the page. “What’s that meant to be?” Cav laughs. “Poky Arsekites? Write it again.” He obeys. The second attempt is differently wrong, but it is no more legible. No matter how careful he is, the tremor in his fingers is just too great to permit passable script. “I, heretic number sixty-eight, hereby apologise...” she watches him transcribe her words into spidery scribbles, “... for being a worthless piece of shit.” He raises no objections to that, doesn’t even react. Which is apparently hilarious. “And a dirty coward,” Cav adds. So he dutifully writes that too.

They continue in this vein, inventing confessions and apologies and humiliating things for him to write until the page is full. They laugh at his errors and purposefully misread sections aloud, talk over each other in their efforts to come up with the funniest insults. He gets slapped a couple of times for getting confused about exactly what they want him to write. Several particularly entertaining phrases he’s made to copy two or three times before they’ll let him move on. Not that it really matters to him. It’s a miserable way to pass the time, but it’s not so painful. Could be worse.

“Aaaaand sign your name!” Julla orders when they reach the bottom of the page. He duly scrawls 068. His fingers ache. After a second’s thought, he also prepends a wobbly rendition of the initials CA, for completeness’ sake. “That’s not your name, scum,” Julla chides. A stab of genuine anxiety twists in his gut. What do you want? “S-sorry sir,” he mumbles, and puts pen back to page. Carefully, as clearly as he can manage, he writes ‘Worthless Scum’. Maybe that will satisfy them.

They do laugh heartily, and repeat the phrase back to each other, and Cav claps him on the back in a way that might not even be intended entirely as violence, and he dares to think that he’s off the hook. But no. “You had a name once,” Julla declares. “Write it down.” Yes, he thinks miserably. I was Tacitus. Once Tacitus Cavarr. But I’m not any more. He hates the reminder of how things were. Hates it enough that for a dangerous moment he considers lying and writing some other random name instead. But the acolytes might know the name that he had. They’d surely punish him for lying.

‘Tacitus’ he writes, sniffing back tears. The wobbly scrawl looks nothing like his signature. He hates it. Hates the name. Hates the broken thing that he is now. Hates them for doing this to him. ”Awww,” Cav coos with false sympathy, “Does the heretic not like his name?” ”Tacitus,” Julla smiles. She sounds like she’s tasting the name in her mouth. He shivers. It’s unpleasantly reminiscent of Spiral. (Am I dreaming?) Great, more ammunition for her to torment me with... ”Well?” Cav demands, shoving his head down onto the table without warning. “I asked you a question.” ”No, sir,” he manages tiredly. ”No, what?” ”I d-don’t like that name, sir.” He’s released, and sits back up miserably. He can feel blood in his nose, threatening to drip. ”And a second name?” Julla asks. ”No sir.” Not quite a lie. “I’m sorry, I d-didn’t have one.” He doesn’t think the Interrogator would appreciate his sharing the secrets of his past, not if the acolytes are not already trusted with that knowledge. ”Hmn. Fine.” Relief, carefully concealed. She doesn’t intend to push that point.

“Well?” Cav demands after a moment, “Aren’t you going to read it out for us?” So, numbly, he turns his eyes back to the page and begins reading aloud.