#holy shit thank you to anyone who has sent me asks the past 3 months while this show was airing too

[ice-sculptures]

hey everyone!! so, originally, i wanted to do one of these back when all of y'all were posting your 'follow forever' + favorite blogs lists for new year's eve, but at that point in time i didn't feel like i knew anyone well enough to make a full list. but now, it's been almost nine months (holy shit!!!) since i joined this fandom, and there have been so many people that i've connected with and who have made my experience on here so much fun and so special.

plus...it's my birthday today, so i thought - what better way to celebrate it than to show my immense love & appreciation for all my mutuals, followers friends, and anyone who has ever made my tumblr experience better?

this isn't really in any particular order, and also, i am so so sorry if i forgot anyone. i had to type this out at least six times over the past two months because tumblr kept deleting my progress for some reason, so i'm really sorry if i missed anyone because of it. i recognize the urls of anyone that regularly interacts with my posts, so i promise that if you've ever left nice tags in the reblogs of my gifs or replied to any of my WIPS or tagged me in a gifset or in a tag game or sent me a nice ask or anything at all, really, please know that i think you're wonderful and i love you all so much even if tumblr hates me and decided to erase all of the evidence of it 😅

okay, enough dillydallying!! putting this under a cut so that it doesn't swallow ur dash whole....n here we go :)

@fireplceashes hi jen!! i know i said like. just one paragraph above that this was in no particular order, but i immediately broke the no. 1 rule of law and lied, bc as my very first friend in this fandom you are so undoubtedly so special to me and i'm putting you first just because i Can and no one can stop me. but anyway. where do i even begin with you? you are easily one of the sweetest people i have Ever, ever met - not just on tumblr, but in my real life as well - and i really love talking to you So much. thank you so much for always listening to my rants, and checking up on me, and just generally being there for me. you're just a really soothing person to talk to and i never have to worry about being 'too much' or anything like that when i'm talking to you. and of course - you are also so, so talented, and your gifs are absolutely stunning. they always turn out so beautifully, and i'm so in awe of your editing skills. basically...i'm just Very grateful to have met you, and *mike wheeler voice* all of my other mutuals, they're great, but my fandom experience would not be the same without you ❤️

@basiltonpitch spencer!! i feel the need to echo the first thing i said to you and remind you that i think you're a genius :') fun fact that i haven't told you: when i first found your blog, even before i realized that you were That person who wrote the benvi meta that i loved, the first posts that i saw from you were your beautiful web weavings, and i was immediately like Who is this person??? and Who gave them the permission to stomp all over my heart like this?? wtf?? i just. i love ur brain So so much and i'm so grateful that i get to enjoy your creativity in not one but two of my favorite fandoms (soon to be 3 with 911 maybe?) oh also...this is slightly embarrassing but i've gone back through your blog a few times just so i can read your incredible meta because all of your thoughts are so valuable to me. you are the Only person on this site that i trust to Get devi vishwakumar and one of the biggest reasons why i'm so excited for never have i ever s4 to drop is so that i can experience it alongside you!! and even outside of your creative genius, you are one of my favorite people to talk to bc you're so kind and so supportive and such an absolute sweetheart and i really love hearing everything you have to say. so. um. basically. i am just a Spencer Enthusiast through and through 💖

@padmedala carson!! hello!! first off, i've said this to you a million times, but i want to thank you once again for writing one of my favorite pieces of byler fanfiction. do you know that one post about reading fanfics and having to stop because 'he would not say that?' well, your work is the epitome of reading a fic and feeling wholly satisfied because yes, he would say that - in fact, i would not hesitate for a minute to say that you have the strongest grasp on will and mike's characterization - especially their dynamic together - out of any writer i've met in this entire fandom. like...i enjoy your writing so much that i've read a couple of your pieces for IT despite not having any knowledge of the source material simply because i wanted to experience more of your work. you're also such a deeply kind and supportive person, and you have no idea how much i appreciate every single time you've checked up on me or sent me a sweet message or even just dropped into my inbox to say hello. you make my dash infinitely brighter, and i'm so very glad to know you and have you as a friend on here 💞

@wllbyers dani!! hi!! i have so much to say abt how wonderful you are, and i was struggling w how to articulate this for a while, but then i remembered that you once said to me that you found my presence on the dash comforting, and honestly, that's exactly how i feel about you. forgive me for the awkward metaphor, but seeing you on the dash is like coming home after a long day and having a warm, home-cooked meal. seeing your url and icon always makes me smile, and i'm so grateful that we're mutuals because of how kind, considerate, and utterly genuine you are!! i don't know if i'm describing this right, but you just feel so real, you know? i feel like your personality shines through with every post you make, and i always love seeing it. and i'm sorry if this is weird to say, but your openness and your authenticity about everything going on in your life makes me feel a little bit less alone about my own struggles. also do you remember when you started watching 911 and eventually ended up getting ahead of me, and you tagged each and every one of your posts just so that i wouldn't get spoiled? i know it seems simple, but the sheer fact that you thought of doing that just for me had me melting into a little puddle w my face looking like that one meme of kristen bell. you are just so, so lovely and i'm unbelievably glad we're mutuals 🥰

@willblogger ima i've said this many times before but i absolutely Need to say it again: you are genuinely the funniest person on byler tumblr. i cannot count the number of times that you've made me full-on belly laugh (to the point where my stomach starts to hurt) and completely destroyed my attempts to casually and inconspicuously scroll through tumblr in public places. i dunno how you do it at all but every single thing you say is such an absolute delight and i am always giggling n kicking my feet when i read the tags on all of your posts. the thousands of people on tiktok and twitter copying your jokes could never do it like you. you've also got this deep understanding of the way the text has been written and i really appreciate how your analysis honors the characters as they are instead of trying to make them more palatable them for this fandom. it's just. it's rare to find people that love these characters as they are and understand them as well as you do and i feel very lucky to have found your blog. also this is not related at all but ur plushies are cute as fuck & i love them :) OH!! n thank u sm for being my number one stevebucky enthusiast mutual n partner in rage when it comes to avengers endgame!! can't wait to have a hate party w you (if you'd like) in five days ��

@willelfanpage SARA HI HELLO do u see me waving at you. this is me holding up a banner screaming abt how much i love you. as the resident fandom cheerleader who gives and gives and gives so much love to everyone she interacts with, you deserve someone cheering YOU back on and that is what i am here to do!! you are so brilliant and you have never made an incorrect post in your life!!! all your fics are wonderful and i've loved reading them!! you are kind, you are smart, you are funny, and you make everyone around you feel so safe and comfortable and welcome here. like. i can't tell you how much i admire how open you are with your kindness and friendship and how you give it so freely to everyone you interact with. i love talking to you so much - whether it's hearing about your life or sharing our ideas with one another or just. venting about anything i want to - and your enthusiasm is utterly infectious and makes me feel more hyped and excited to be in fandom. forgive me for being so sappy on main but i will never not be touched by your endless love for fandom, not only these characters and the works that people make, but for the people around you as well and i hope u know i love u very much too 💞

@jackietaylcrs hii marianne fellow haver of good taste!! i remember you once made a post wondering if your followers would still love you if your stranger posting went down to 0.5% and i wanted to lyk that i definitely would!! i really like reading your commentary on ST and yellowjackets, but even when you're posting about a show that i'm not familiar with, you have this Way of speaking that i find very charming and funny and entertaining, and you bring this inimitable energy to my dash that i doubt i could ever find elsewhere. i like the way you sign off your posts with 'and like i say: brf slt.' i think it’s Neat n it fits you very well. alsooo THANK YOU very very much for being the one to convince me to watch yellowjackets!! people have been telling me to watch it for a long time but in the end it was your posts that made me say, fuck it, and finally watch it. also. um. ur posts abt stephen harrison make me feel very Seen so. thank u. ok bye 💗

@emblazons hello marie my beloved mutual marie!! honestly, out of everything in this post, this message was the hardest to write because i don't even know where to begin with you!! you bring so, so much to this fandom - your thoughtful, entertaining, levelheaded commentary, your stunning gifsets, your logical and witty posts, your incredibly supportive and kind personality, and your endless passion for this show and all that goes into making it, as well as our shared love & enthusiasm for noah schnapp 😅 every time i think you've made the most brilliant observation or put out the most beautiful set, you go and top yourself by finding something new or making an even prettier gifset. if i had to pick one person whose contributions to the fandom enriched my experience of this show? more than anyone, it would be you!! and i could go on and wax poetic about your talent forever (as i have on many, many occasions bc you deserve it 🥰), but i'm gonna end it here by saying that you are a gift to this fandom and one of my absolute favorite people on here, and that i'm beyond grateful to know you.

@mikeandwillel sandy!!!! you are so so smart and your analysis is absolutely incredible. i look forward to each and every one of your analyses because you always find the most clever parallels and your deep dives into each of these characters' arcs are always written with so much care and skill. and of course, i forever have you to thank for writing The ultimate masterpiece (your s4 painting arc analysis) that finally convinced me of byler endgame and thus made my fandom experience so much more relaxing and fun. i also really love & how much you love mike for all that he is -- i feel like it's a little rare in this fandom, so seeing how much you adore his true character and how you Understand him better than anyone else i've ever met makes me really happy. and not to mention, i have no idea how you managed to get so good at gifmaking in such a short amount of time but all your sets are so beautiful!! you're a gem fr 💖

@babygirl-jonathanbyers abbyyyyyy hello!! do you know how much i love seeing you on my dash? i love your pure, unapologetic love for jonathan, jancy, and the byers brothers and it really makes my whole day when i see a post from you appreciating those characters/ships. your moodboards are also So pretty and your presence on my dash is so positive and welcoming. i hope you're doing well on your hiatus rn and i can't wait to see you back on here again 🫂

@elmaxed lumiiiii hi!!!! when i think of you, honestly, the very first word that comes to mind is creative, because you bring so much to this fandom and i'm so grateful for it. i'm obsessed with everything you write because your fics are so lively and fun and make me smile uncontrollably every time i read them, all your headcanons are brilliant and adorable, your moodboards are gorgeous and not to mention, your themes are always so beautiful!! you're just...such a ray of sunshine on my dash and i'm so happy to have followed you 🥰

@mlchaelwheeler sarahhhhh my favorite stonathan pioneer and one of my first mutuals in this fandom!! i think you already know this but your analyses were a huge part of what got me into the byler fandom in the first place and i have never looked back, so thank you for that!! i Love love love ur theories (especially the s5 spec stuff) and i love seeing u in my notifs and reading your lovely and enthusiastic tags on everything you reblog and i love your love for st's OST!! you're a really smart, sweet, and positive person with the best opinions and i am forever rooting for mike to get a sword in s5 just for you 🙏🏼

@bylrndgm dearest elz you have no idea how happy your blog makes me �� you're one of the most talented gifmakers i've ever met, and i always find myself smiling so much whenever i see you've posted something new (especially your byler x TS edits 🥰) because they're always so beautiful!! i've also always felt like your blog and everything you've posted is one of the purest and most expressions of love for mike and will....it's so clear that you love them So much and your blog makes me so happy to be part of this community. you've also always been so sweet to me throughout my entire time in this fandom and you're one of the people that has made me feel most welcome here. also since i never ended up responding to your DM i wanted to say that whatever path you choose, i'm sure that you're going to crush it and i am rooting for your success always 💖

@madcleradin sierra madcleradin byhops finalgirlbyers willcoded!! ok i promise i don't mean this in a weird parasocial way but i kind of admired you from a distance for a while even before we were mutuals just because every single one of your posts that ended up on my dash had me nodding my head and tapping my brain in agreement and clapping for u like this 👏🏼 all of your takes are top tier and i love how passionate you are about everything you talk about!! you're def one of the sweetest, friendliest, and coolest people on byler tumblr and following u has been such a gift ❣

@byclairs hello emily!! your gifs are absolutely stunning and i love following you because i Know i can always count on you to have the most based takes, both on stranger things (especially ur will takes - those keep me sane fr) and on fandom as a whole. also just wanna say that you have the best taste in ships and that you've got a 10/10 banger of a url that always has me mentally giving you a thumbs up whenever i see you on the dash ❤️

@heroesbyler stav!! you're one of the most brilliant analysts on this site and i'm so in awe of all of the incredible theories and analyses you've posted!! i'm obsessed w all of your banger gay mike posts & i'm also both fascinated and disturbed by all of the dots you've connected regarding brenner, henry, & the lab. your posts are so insightful and compelling and you've made me think about so many things that i never would've noticed on first glance. i also love that you're both unflinchingly confident but also insanely kind - a rarity in most fandoms, especially this one, and i love that energy on my dash. i'm very proud to be your grandma (your words not mine -- no i will not let you forget about that 🙏🏼)

@mandycantdecide hiiiii amanda!! i love your blog so much, and even though we don't share all of the same fandoms i love seeing your posts about everything you're interested in because i can always feel your energy and enthusiasm for it no matter what :) in fact, it was actually your posts that made me want to get back into 911, and you have no idea how grateful i am to you for that because being in that fandom is the most fun i've had in a really long time. so thank you, thank you thank you for that, and for generally being so sweet 💕

@howtobecomeadragon ayla!! hello!! i know we don't know each other super well but i Really wanted to let you know how much i appreciate your posts and all of your contributions to this fandom. you were one of my first favorite blogs when i first joined in august and you have no idea how thrilled i was when you followed me back haha 😅 i looooove your theory posts so much and i think your fics are fantastic (and i am Eagerly awaiting the end of come back to me and forgive everything so i can read it). you're also super sweet and kind to everyone around you, and i love seeing you on my dash 💞

@mrperfectlyfinetv hi jake!! as my designated Swiftie Mutual i feel like i should let you know that i don't usually follow taylor swift blogs bc swifties are scary but your gifs are so gorgeous and your takes are so good that i just Had to break my rule and follow you anyway. i really enjoy reading all of your opinions on miss swift even if you are a rep hater asdkjendfcskjflejrf and i adore all of your pretty ST and taylor swift gifsets!! i also love how much you love speak now and you've definitely made me go back and give it a few more listens so that i can appreciate it more & at this point i'm begging taylor to release speak now tv soon just for you 🫶

@magentamee - hi bre :) your art style is absolutely delicious and your writing is so cute and i've always noticed how committed you are to uplifting everyone around you in this fandom. also this is random but your friendship with amanda and @/likegoldintheair is so cute and whenever you guys post about each other i always find myself smiling at how sweet your interactions are. you’re just a person who always brings a smile to my face when i see you on the dash and i want to thank you for that 💗

@paintingformike hi!! i've said this before but i really do think you've always been The strongest soldier in the byler fandom (like, ngl your posts were Carrying byler tumblr for a while there while everyone was still in their debating-over-s5-canon phase). you've always been so levelheaded and astute with your observations, and i've always admired and respected how your posts make it seem so simple and So clear how all of the overarching themes of the show are leading to byler endgame. you've got an incredible way with words and i'm so glad to have you in our fandom 💞

-

and now for the creatives in this fandom - some incredible gifmakers whose beautiful sets have been the highlight of my dash, some wonderful writers who have ripped my heart out over and over again only to stitch it back together seamlessly just one paragraph later, and brilliant fan artists who are able to capture so much and make me feel the entire spectrum of human emotion with just a few brush strokes:

@sharpesjoy - em!! you're an absolute sweetheart and such a joy to see on my dash. all of your gifs are so gorgeous and so clearly infused with all of the love that you have for everything you watch and i've added several shows to my watchlist because your gifs have made me want to watch them so badly 💞

@heroeddiemunson - kai!! your creations are so beautiful and you have this unique gifmaking style that i'm totally obsessed with!! your colorings and typography are always so pretty and i Love how special and creative your sets are, especially the D&D character sheets. like.....i have no idea how u come up w all these incredible ideas but i'm so very glad u do bc my dash is better for it❣️

@kaliprasad - hi!! your blog is amazing and i'm so glad that i found it bc all your gifs are fantastic and i love them So much. i think your talent is insane tbh, that byers brothers set that you made for me a little while ago is still one of my favorite things i've seen on this whole site, and i love that you love them just as much as i do 🫂

@kingofscoops - no one, and i mean no one, does coloring like you!! all of your sets are so vibrant and bring so much life to my dash & i think the ST fandom is very lucky to have you ❤️

@aliecenthightower - emilia!! your gifs are stunning and i'm completely in love with your song lyric edits. they're all absolutely beautiful and i'm in awe of how perfect and emblematic the lyrics you choose are, like you just Get these characters, y'know?

@mayahawkins - MADDYYYYYYY you are So talented, and believe me when i say that your gifs have been the Biggest inspiration for my own gifmaking journey. all your sets are so pretty & i love everything you make - including your playlists which live rent free in my mind!! but as a reminder i also love following your blog for You and not just your gifs :) you're an incredibly sweet person and ur presence on my dash is utterly invaluable 💗

@padme-amidala - hi erika!! okay, calling you a gifmaker almost feels wrong because that word doesn't feel like enough to encompass how beautiful your work is...all ur ideas are So amazing and you have such a natural eye for color and detail!! it is so clear that you pour so much love into all of your creations, and if i'm being honest, one of the reasons why i am so grateful to be a byler shipper is so that i can appreciate your craft to the fullest. and you're also Such a genuinely kind person that i always look forward to seeing on the dash!! thank you for being so lovely!!

@wiseatom - hi thea!! your writing is the ultimate definition of comfort. when i read ur work, no matter what i'm doing physically, mentally i am in my cozy bed with the fireplace crackling in the corner, surrounded by twinkly lights and warm blankets, sipping hot cocoa bc that is the kind of emotion ur writing invokes ✨

@byeler - irene!! your fics were my introduction to the world of byler fics and i admire you and your writing so very much 💞 i don't know how it's possible for one person to have this much skill and talent, but you do, and i'm so grateful that you've chosen to share it with us. eagerly waiting on a new heavy hopes chapter was one of the highlights of my fandom experience and that fic is a piece of writing that i will always come back to over and over again 🫶

@astrobei - suni i have been reading fics for over a decade now and i have still never encountered a writer that does emotion quite like you do, devastating me with every single fic you put out. i promise i mean this in the best way possible but you're So damn good at capturing all of that heartbreak and pain and inflicting the same agony on your readers, and it would have killed me by now if not for the fact that you're equally good at writing the sweetest fluff that has me melting into a puddle whenever i read 🫂

@hopelessromanfic - lyssaaaa!!! i've been Such a huge fan of landslide ever since you started writing it - it's one of my all time favorite fics in the fandom and i'm obsessed with the storyline and your characterization in all of your fics 😍

@artistaquinterob - hi!! your art style is so ADORABLE and your use of color in your work is stunning and i just adore everything you draw, especially your will and el art and your jargyle art 🥹

@junkoandthediamonds - your character studies are beautiful and i'm obsessed with your byler comics, your gifs and your ST x DC crossovers!!! i love your realistic style so So much and if i worked for the duffers i would 1000000% hire you to draw the official comics because i can't get enough of your work 🥰

@livsmessydoodles - fun fact: last year, when HSMTMTS s3 was airing, i remember seeing your rina art throughout the season and immediately fell in love with your style and your interpretation of the characters, and the same exact thing happened when i saw your ST work, and it wasn't until you followed me that i put the pieces together and realized that you were the same person 😅 your style is So gorgeous and your art just makes me so happy, and trust me when i say that i am mentally wallpapering all of your work to the inside of my brain so i can look at it forever❣️

and of course, a very special shoutout to all of the people that i don't know too well but are still such a comfort to have on tumblr: @miwism @yearninginblue @kittykat940 @robinsnance @jesper-faheyss @bylersheart @usergabby @achingly-shy @wheelersboy @wontbyers @stbyers @will80sbyers @watpoetry @frodohaven 💝

+ to all my other mutuals: tumblr wouldn't let me link your profiles because of some ridiculous limit, but please know that i see all of you and i am hugging you through my screen rn. thank you!! 👍🏼

[thedeviljudges]

Do you think Yohan always planned to fake his death and join Elijah in Switzerland, or did he originally intend to really die with the rest of the 'villains'? Part of me thinks that would fit with his pre-Gaon conception of himself, as a monster, not deserving of love, not necessarily seeing a role for himself in Elijah's life beyond getting revenge for her/Isaac, and financing an opportunity to help her recovery. Or do you think regardless of that, he'd still never plan to leave her on her own?

i didn't mean to put off this ask for so long. i was busy, but i also wanted to wrap my thoughts around this before i tried answering. not bc i didn't have an answer to begin with but yohan and death is a subject i'd like to approach, but i'm not entirely sure how i'd like to make the analysis of it, and i'm not sure i ever will.

so that leaves me to answer it here in the best way i can because point blank: i do believe yohan intended to die by the end. i do think he had two plans in place since the beginning (dying or not dying and helping elijah), but of course, until that final moment, he wasn't ever going to know the truth. that end scene of him blowing up the court was a 50/50 shot. he had a plan to make it out, but it wasn't a guarantee.

but lets also back up a bit because before we get to that point, i think it's necessary to point out that the reason yohan gets away and does all of the shit that he does is because he knows that he might not make it out alive. it's why he's reckless. it's why he bends the law the way that he does. yohan's actions prove, over and over again, that he does not care for himself. he does not care to live except to protect elijah. there are so many small moments of this. we call yohan unhinged out of fun, but i think there is truth in it because i've mentioned this casually before (and part of my words above in terms of not necessarily knowing how to approach this just yet) is that yohan is almost...... suicidal himself.

he's reckless. he's said that he does not care about the actual law. his goal has always been getting revenge for his brother, especially for his niece who grew up without her parents. yohan never truly cared about the bigger picture until gaon came along. if we leave out gaon and think of the plot as such, yohan would've been able to prevail much quicker, i'd say. he had a plan and was going to follow through with it no matter what, regardless of the ending. and he knew going into it that there was a chance he wouldn't make it out alive.

which is why i think he partially also allowed elijah to blame him for her parent's death because if she hates him, it will be so much easier for her to forget him. she won't mourn him or miss him. she will be able to move on with her life and live it any which way she wants. but because yohan doesn't really understand kids, let alone elijah, what he fails to realize is that elijah doesn't actually hate her uncle. she's looking to get rid of all of the pent up hurt and frustration bc she never had an outlet to let all of that out. yohan fails to see that elijah cares for him and would miss him, to a degree, if he died.

so now, if we think of the plot with gaon, it twists everything on its head bc gaon has no need to be there within yohan's plans. yohan doesn't need gaon to do anything bc everything was already planned from the beginning. if anything, gaon came in and crashed some things, leaving yohan to pick up those pieces and continue pushing forward. biggest case in point, gaon's stubbornness and his arguments against yohan with the law and what he's doing.

see, gaon eventually comes to realize yohan's reasonings for doing what he's doing for his brother, but i feel like gaon thinks that even if that is part of yohan's plan involves revenge, how much does he think yohan is also doing this for the greater good and wanting to fix society? we know that yohan has no intention of that, but does gaon? and so no wonder gaon protests because if he thinks yohan is trying to fix a broken system (plus get revenge all in the same plot), no wonder gaon continues fighting yohan - he's under the belief that yohan is trying to make things better. but he's NOT.

which circles back to the idea that yohan had every intention of either making it out alive or dying. gaon opened his eyes that yes, maybe things could possibly be good. gaon made yohan question a lot of things along the way, especially his own humanness and realizing that he is worth something and not the monster he let himself believe he was, and what others told him he was. that wasn't part of the plan either, which is why it made it so much harder for yohan to go through with bombing the court because yohan's at a conflicting place of finally understanding gaon's hope but knowing that he only ever had revenge as an intent.

yohan's plan is derailed a bit by gaon being hope and introducing concepts yohan has lived without for so long. before then, yohan lived isolated with one clear goal in mind until gaon showed him he had a reason to live. i also said in another post that while gaon stopped yohan because he didn't want to see yohan going down a path he couldn't come back from, it was already too late at that point. yohan had already set his path long before gaon came into the picture and nothing he said or done would've changed that. but it DID given yohan more perspective and more heart, possibly being at peace even more so with dying knowing elijah would have gaon.

but instances within the show - of course, his two fake deaths. him steering gaon and himself off the road on the middle of the highway. him chasing after the minister's son. yohan asking soohyun to save gaon despite him literally bleeding out.

yohan does not care for himself. he does not care whether he lives or dies, as long as his plan is completed. we can talk til we're blue in the face about how yohan was wrong manipulating the law like he did and various other things, but the reason why? is because he did not care. and it wasn't because of him being a sociopath by any means. it was because he numbed his emotions, lied to himself, and used his love for his brother and elijah to propel him to a desired end with the possibility of his death involved. and quite frankly, that speaks volumes about who he is and just how much he actually cares, how much he actually has emotions.

yohan, to love his niece so much he decided to manipulate the law, to serve his own agenda and purposes for an outcome that wouldn't actually give them that much peace, but would at least position the country in a way they could grow and give elijah a life where she wouldn't have to grow up into that kind of destruction. this is why yohan "leaves" gaon behind and why gaon is the hope of the show because in going along with his plans, yohan realized that if gaon wasn't going to follow him through til the end, if he was going to do everything in his power to stop yohan, then the biggest apology yohan could give gaon was the world - the entire judicial system to make things right, to do better. that was yohan's gift to gaon and his apology because yohan had no intention of making it better. but maybe gaon could with him gone.

i've seen a few comments about how if yohan was someone in irl, we'd all steer clear of him, well, there's a lot of characters out there like that, but i wouldn't stay away from him for the reasons everyone typically lists (like the choking and manipulation) because they think he's that way just bc. yohan's actions mimic those of someone who simply doesn't care because they're depressed and not because they're psychotic. there is a DIFFERENCE. like yes, are some of his actions shitty? and his gaon right to mistrust the things he does sometimes, also yes.

but understand that there is a difference in people's behaviors depending on the underlying mental health issues involved. i don't fully believe yohan had any intent to hurt elijah or gaon maliciously. it's part of yohan being oblivious and not recognizing his own actions mixed with the entirety of his plans to be followed through til the very end. we've seen how oblivious yohan can be (the classroom bird story is a classic example; they all thought he was the devil when in reality, this kid only hurt the bird because it was scaring the girl he sat next to. logically, that mean eliminating the threat. he didn't purposefully kill the bird and enjoy it. it was a practical response within his own personal world).

i feel like i'm missing parts of this discussion, which is why i said this was a difficult topic for me to approach just to get all of my thoughts about it out there. and long story short to answer your question: i think yohan intended to die (just like he had a plan in case went to jail, for example). that possibility couldn't have been ruled out. but i think he had the plan to escape with elijah so that she could get better. either way, whatever happened happened, even if he died. elijah would be taken care of regardless.

gaon throws a wrench in his plans just a little bit, makes him realize his emotional capacities but gaon's not enough to stop yohan from seeing his plans out until the very end, even if that means losing gaon, too, because even if gaon has shown yohan that he is worthy of love and family and affection, it is not enough to forgive everything he's done, and he needs to make right what was wrong. yohan's death in that courtroom, if it had happened, wouldn't be the thing everyone needed to forgive him for his actions but it would be a start in eliminating himself as part of the problem.

another thing to keep in mind, is that we know yohan is not a sociopath, even if that's what everyone wanted us to believe. everyone thought he made sunah jump out the window, but what he was actually doing was protecting isaac and his mother's necklace. sunah made the choice all on her own, set up yohan and framed him despite yohan reaching out time and time again. isaac didn't even understand what had happened and focused on the fact that this girl jumped because of yohan without listening to the truth of it. yohan has always been shown to be fiercely loyal to the people he loves. he's never directly done anything bad (at least as a kid) unless he was provoked.

what people need to understand about yohan as a character is INTENTIONS. and i hope i'm making myself clear on this. everyone thinks he's born a devil, but that has never been the case. yohan's actions just come from a place from blind revenge. if he never needed to get revenge in the first place, if isaac was alive and well, would yohan make these same decisions? would he still be this kind of person who needed to use these methods to work around the law? i don't think so.

i think i remember getting an ask awhile back about whether yohan would eventually turn into who he is now had isaac lived because we see him livid and upset during that flashback to one of his earlier court cases (where we find he's ripping the paper with the pen) and whether or not isaac's death just fast forwarded the process. i don't feel like trying to go dig that post out, and i can't remember what i said on it either, but i feel yohan would have his family as a moral compass to keep him in line, and he wouldn't have succumbed to his present-day tactics. i think he could've worked his way up into the system and made real change. i think his heart could've been there all long, but again, was derailed by isaac's death and of course, plans changed.

this was a mouthful, and i hope what i'm saying makes sense because you can probably see what i mean about how difficult it is trying to organize my thoughts about this subject. but i am under the full belief that yohan had every intention of dying at the end or even before that. i think he's a depressed individual who learned to slowly open back up with gaon's help, but gaon is no doctor and no amount of his kindness would help someone that depressed either. it helped, certainly. but yohan saw himself as a monster/devil until the very end, and was more than willing to kill himself to make gaon and elijah's life so much easier. as penance. as justice. as love.

[tarosin]

the great adventures of y/n and ranboo

this is an extra part to the great adventures series

summary: part two to the angst imagine (the not so great adventures of y/n tommy tubbo jack and ranboo) it’s a happier ‘ending’ please read what is written in bold

this is an “alternative ending” around 15 years into the future this doesn’t mean this is actually how the series is going to end im writing it now and including it as part of series as their friendship is already established i can confirm y/n and the group are going to have a happy ending when the series eventually comes to an end this also does not mean the series is anywhere near the end i plan on continuing the series as vlogs come out, i feel the need to confirm this now love between y/n and ranboo in this imagine is completely platonic

it had been about a month since you last streamed whereas ranboo continued to stream a few days after the fallout as he wanted to make sure you were going to be okay. even though ranboo knew this huge fallout would eventually happen, it still hurt him, especially since he knew there was no way to prevent it, the four of you in the same house mixed with the stress of being some of the most-watched content creators made living rather difficult. it was like walking on eggshells as you didn’t want to interrupt someone's stream, then there was the additional stress of obsessive fans finding out where the four of you lived, you still remember that day very vividly. you were sat in between tubbo and ranboo watching the office whilst Tommy was in an interview when you received a message from your mod.

Chris: hey y/n I received this message earlier I don’t want to scare you, but maybe get the locks changed. someone sent a message claiming this is your address *image of message from ‘fan’*

it didn’t take long for tubbo and ranboo to receive a message from their mods saying the same thing

“holy shit...”

“chances are Tommy has the message too. we shall go check around the house when Tommy is done with the interview.”

luckily no one ever showed up to the house, but the fact some people were so obsessed to the point they found your address was enough to put everyone in the house on edge. and now it was just you and ranboo in the house. you didn’t feel safe as even though ranboo promised to not let anything happen, you didn’t wanna risk it.

“we should move. there’s no point in having such a big house for two people, what are we going to use the extra space for heh? hide and seek with people who have our address. no thank you. I say we move leave this mess behind and start completely over, hell I’d feel safer in the us and that’s saying something”

ranboo agreed the house didn’t have the happiest memories attached to it anymore, it hurt walking past the hallway as it would bring back the memory of him crying into the crook of y/ns neck whilst tubbo left the house.

“let’s do it, I’ll do an early stream then we can look for houses. go take a shower. I’ll stay close to the door so you’re safe, then you can stay in my room whilst I stream, you can join me if you would like.”

“you’re being very protective all of a sudden...let me guess you got the message from our mods announcing the obsessive fans are at it again?”

“go take a shower.”

“no.”

ranboo ended up picking you up, carried you to the bathroom and turned the shower on before putting you on your feet.

“quick shower I’ll see you later.”

and with that he left the room shutting the door behind him, 30 minutes later you got changed and followed ranboo to his room ready to join him whilst he streams

“hey boo, can I join you? I kinda wanna get into streaming again.”

“I'm so glad you asked, I was going to do a face cam stream, if that’s okay?”

“of course.”

you grabbed his mask and glasses whilst he locked the door so you were both safe. “here you go.”

“thank you.”

the pair of you started the stream and it was honestly going well, you were having so much fun you forgot about all the negative things currently going on, you began to understand why ranboo continued streaming as for those 2-4 hours of streaming it felt as though everything was back to normal. 3 hours later the two of you ended stream and Twitter went crazy. tweets ranged from fans talking about how ranboo was streaming with you, how Tommy was in chat, and how tubbo was modding as people who mentioned anything about their address being leaked were banned by tubbo. the one thing that caught ranboos eye was fan art and a picture of you both from the stream captioned ‘they’re platonic soulmates your honour’ ranboo went as far to like, retweet and comment on it.

ranaltboo: glad you liked the stream it was great having y/n back, think I might make them play tattletail next stream

definitelynoty/n: isn’t that the Furby game that terrified you in 2021? bring it on boo!

Twitter went crazy over this interaction, you had finally come back to social media after months of being inactive, and it looked like you were here to stay. a month later you and ranboo moved out of the house and sold it to your aunt and her wife and their three adopted children, you explained the situation and even changed the locks for them all before they moved in.

“Please do tell us if anyone shows up who shouldn’t be. we changed the locks as you were aware- oh hello little one.”

you noticed one of their children decided to cling onto your leg

“I like your hair it’s colourful!”

“Indeed it is.”

“WOAH A GIANT!”

the little girl let go of your leg and ran to ranboo asking to be picked up, unsure of what to do he looked towards you. however, you were too busy laughing about the fact he was compared to a giant.

“I'm so sorry uh if you want to pick her up you can, you don’t have to.”

“pick me up, tall man... I want to be taller!”

ranboo ended up standing next to you with an arm around your waist whilst the child sat on his shoulders happily playing with his hair.

“ranboo do not drop that child.”

“I didn't- I didn't plan on it y/n.”

eventually, it was time to leave and the child reluctantly let go of ranboo.

“bye-bye!! hope to see you soon!”

soon enough you were at a smaller house, far away from the old house, leaving behind the negative feelings. it could only get better, a week later the pair of you had settled into the new house, it finally felt like home. you and ranboo were now streaming full time again, safe to say the two of you were thriving and closer than ever.

“so I’m thinking if I hit the sub-goal today I’ll let chat pick what colour I dye my hair.”

“make it higher, and I’ll let you cut my hair.”

“Are you being serious? oh my god!”

a few minutes later you took to Twitter to announce you were going live.

y/n: kidnapping children in the sims with ranboo psst check the subgoal.

within 20 minutes you had hit the sub-goal, chat ended up picking another random neon colour for your hair.

“right hair dye and the cutting stream will be this weekend, now let’s go back to kidnapping.”

tubbo, tommy, and jack felt awful for what happened and went back to the house where you used to live, hoping to see you there so they could apologise, tubbo knocked on the door only to be met by a young child.

“my sister watches you on twitch!”

“oh that’s lovely.. are y/n and ranboo here?”

an older woman came to the door.

“oh no, I’m sorry dear they both moved out, but they left this box and said to give it to you if you returned.”

“do you know where they moved to?”

“I'm sorry dear, I'm not allowed to tell you that information for safety reasons.”

“I understand, thanks anyway.”

they ended up going back to jacks where the three of them had been staying.

“We should open the box.”

tubbo opened the box and emptied the items onto the floor, inside was the rocks y/n handed tubbo from every trip, photos of the group, a necklace y/n had gifted to Tommy a day before the argument, and a hat y/n had taken from jack during a trip to a zoo.

“what the fuck!”

“holy shit!”

“they really kept all these in hopes we would come back?”

“and now we’re too late.”

it was now the weekend you and ranboo were ready to stream, you stood leaning on ranboo who was significantly smaller than you as you lowered the chair he sat on.

“starting stream...now.”

after the starting soon intro played, you explained what was happening to any new viewers or people who didn’t watch the stream.

“so I’m about to become Edward Scissorhands...I love that film can we watch it later?”

“yeah mhm sure!”

you didn’t know this but your ex best friends were watching and ever so often would show up in the chat.

“so boo, what are we doing with your hair today?”

“just a trim please darling?”

“This is y/ns hairdressers you get what I’m capable of!”

you ended up doing a pretty good job of cutting ranboos hair, even he was impressed.

“I didn’t doubt you for a minute!”

“mhm sure thing please don’t mess up my hair tall one!”

soon enough you had the dye on. 45 minutes later you left to wash it off, leaving ranboo to entertain stream,

“chat I think I missed some of their hair it’s okay, I own scissors, I’ll just cut it.. speaking of they did a great job, didn't they? I honestly expected them to mess up.”

a few minutes later you joined ranboo again and spent the next few hours talking with chat. tubbo, tommy, and jack stayed the entire time. they loved the fact you and ranboo were able to stay close after what happened, Tommy noticed you were still wearing the necklace he got you many years ago and spammed them chat with him tubbo and jack

Tommy: THEYRE WEARING THE NECKLACE!!

jack: so what? they clearly don’t wanna talk to us.

tubbo: shut up listen to them.

“chat why are we spamming platonic soulmates?”

“they’ve been saying it all over Twitter, look on trending y/n.”

you started to blush slightly at all the amazing artwork soon enough the stream came to an end, after saying goodbye the pair of you sat together going through fan art. unfortunately the one that caught your eye was this one twitter post where the artist had created a drawing of a piece of paper with you, ranboo, tommy, tubbo, and jack, however the paper was ripped separating you and ranboo from the others, captioned ‘it was never meant to be’ this clearly upset ranboo as he took off his mask and glasses placing them on the desk before going straight to his bed.

“boo…are you okay?”

“Are you tired of me? are you going to leave next?”

“what? no of course not! I could never get tired of you, why do you ask?”

“everyone else has left..i thought they cared about us, i knew it would happen eventually and i couldn’t stop it, i’m sorry, y/n, please don’t hate me.”

you sat on the edge of the bed looking down at the floor,

“come here.”

you watched him roll over to face you.

“you know there’s no one else who I'd rather spend the rest of my life with, right…if i hated you i wouldn’t have moved house with you. it’s not your job to fix everything and make everything better, you’re a streamer for christ sake not a therapist.”

“i guess so.. can we watch that thing you were on about for ages.”

“edward scissorhands? “

“mhm!”

you could tell he wanted to be distracted, so you agreed and put the film on, towards the end you began to get upset due to how overwhelming everything was.

“Why are you crying?”

“poor Edward.”

“come here.”

ranboo pulled you into a hug you laid there crying into his chest, he knew that wasn’t the reason you were crying, but he wasn’t about to make you tell him, luckily it didn’t take long for you to stop crying as ranboo quickly distracted you.

“ranboo..”

“yeah y/n?”

“I feel bad i didnt realise how much pressure was on you whilst everyone was arguing.”

“Hey, it’s okay, is that what’s upsetting you?”

“mhm.”

“don’t blame yourself, i’d do it all over again to keep you safe and happy..then again i didn’t do a good job on keeping you happy.”

“you did..you were always there for me even when i gave up on social media, you shared your room with me after i started receiving creepy messages from that obsessed fan, hell you even went on adventures with me even though it was clear you hadn’t been sleeping, just so we could spend time together and forget about what was happening. you mean a lot to me boo.”

“i love you.”

“i love you too bud, I��m tired.”

“go to sleep, it’s been a long day.”

“okay.”

“you just staying there?”

“yes.”

“oh, oh okay, goodnight.”

about a year later the two of you were still thriving, ranboo got you a promise ring a few months earlier.

“heh what’s this for?”

“as your best friend i promise to stay by your side and keep you safe and make sure that you’re happy, in other words you're stuck with me till the end of time.”

“boo…i really don’t know what to say.. thank you so much!”

“you don’t have to say anything!”

you ended up going out to buy him a promise ring when he started the stream and decided to take your cousins with you now that they were a little older. ranboo was doing a facecam stream when the door slammed open revealing you covering your three younger cousins ranboo not realising you were hiding them from the camera, instinctively stood up covering the camera

“ranboooooo!”

“yes you three and y/n ,what do you need?”

“we would like to watch a film!”

“Okay, i’ll go put one on, y/n will you entertain chat?”

“sure thing boo boy!”

once they left you sat fixing your hair forgetting you were wearing the ring chat noticed this and went crazy, so did Tommys group with tubbo and jack.

tubbo: that’s a ring, right??

jack: yeah looks like it.

Tommy: holy shit I always thought if anyone was gonna get married it would be tubbo and y/n, they were inseparable.

tubbo: hilarious.

jack: it could just be a ring, no one mentioned marriage tommy!

Tommy: we should congratulate them.

jack: at least let them explain fucking hell.

soon enough ranboo came back into the room,

“sorry one of them found it hilarious to steal my glasses...”

“they’re little shits i swear to god but i love them.”

you both noticed chat going crazy and both looked at each other before laughing.

“i'm sorry, i can’t take you serious in the mask and glasses!”

“i can’t take you serious with neon hair, but here we are!”

“rude!”

you and ranboo quickly put an end to the rumours,

“no we’re not engaged or married, it is a promise ring. no they’re not our children, they’re y/ns cousins they just spend a lot of time here..chat stop calling me and y/n parents and comparing us to phil that’s not..that’s not how it works okay!”

“parent arc!”

“y/n, don’t encourage them!”

“it’s a little bit funny!”

soon enough the bit came to an end and eventually ranboo ended the stream.

“hey boo look what i got you”

you handed him a little black box, inside was a ring similar to yours

“i promise to always stick around and be here for you”

“oh my god”

ranboo tackled you into a hug thanking you several times for his rings. you and ranboo were living your best life meanwhile jack, tommy, and tubbo were stuck dealing with the guilt of what happened, but they’re weren’t giving up that easy. they wanted you both back, that’s when you received a notification, tommyinnit has sent you a message request: hey y/n can we talk..please?

taglist

@dumb-chaotic-bi-energy @uselesssapphickitten @l0ver0fj0y @etheriaaly @xx-smiley-xx @hawarun @kylobensgirl @cawcaw-pretty-thing @reverse-iak @renleicrashed @augustine-is-joy @c1loudee

[tarantulas4davey]

Ufc Fighter Albert Dasilva Headcanons

hello, people who still follow me despite the fact i never post cause i’m a mess. how y’all doin? my favorite ufc fighter won the other day so now ✨this is what we’re doing✨. also i originally sent this thought to @we-are-inevitable ‘s ask box so find that post here (hi jac ilysm mwah mwah mwah)

i also wrote a part 2 so find that here !!

also,,,,, this is fairly obvious. but trigger warning for violence/physical fighting, and well as blood and injury. (it’s a rough gig y’all fjdhdb)

i sincerely apologize in advance for what a mess this post is gonna be i just had a monster and i’m hyped up on the win and this is a hyperfixation i don’t get to talk about very often so feel free to ask questions and HERE WE FUCKIN GO

OK SO

albert is just,,,,,, a violent sports guy. always has been, probably always will be.

most forms of recreational fighting, football, hockey, rugby, fuck even soccer if he gets too into it. he’s just a Built Person, and he wicked competitive, and that makes for violent displays of athleticism

I think he was probably a hockey or football guy in high school, but he was also on the wrestling team cause i said so

then after graduation he got really into kickboxing, just to have something to do cause he didn’t have school sports to play and train for all the time

and then one day his coach is like ‘hey. you’re like,,, stupid good at this. you should sign up for competitions, you might make some money.’

he does, in fact, ‘make some money’, cause in straight kickboxing? he’s pretty much unmatched on the regional scene, which is ridiculous cause he didn’t start training his stand up game til he was 18 or 19

then American Top Team (ATT, it’s a really big MMA training camp that had trained a boat load of the top talent in the UFC) approaches him like ‘y’know if you worked on your grappling you could be a really solid mma fighter’

which is HUGE, but obviously albert can’t pick up his entire life and move to florida to train with them, so him and race (this is me, of course race is with al. supportive boyfriend and number one fan alert <3) find gyms willing to work with him based in new york. then he starts signing up for shit.

he sticks with stand up fighting when he can, he likes it more and cause,,,,, well. it’s more entertaining. the higher your entertainment value, the more people watch your fights. the more people watch your fights, the more likely you are to get noticed by big promotions (like the ufc)

he uses his wrestling to keep grapplers on their feet (he’s got like a 90% takedown defense, what an icon) and he picks people apart.

he has a lot of technical skill, but he also is fiery and passionate and scrappy. he gets hit too much for his own good a lot of the time.

he’s super durable. this man can get hit clean over and over and stay on his feet, but that’s not gonna hold up forever. it takes a loss or two in a row to motivate him to change it

and oh boy does he change it

he spends a month in auckland, new zealand at city kickboxing (one of the best kickboxing gyms in the world, and they lean heavily on tactics rather than just charging forward blindly)

he’s straight up a different fighter after that. he’s quick, light on his feet, and avoids punches way easier while also setting up the angles for his own. he gets signed to the ufc 2 fights later.

his first fight is short notice. no training camp, he’s got 5 days to make weight, AND it’s against a top 10 ranked opponent. no big deal, right?

and albert, being albert, is super chill about it. sure, this is the opportunity of a lifetime, could decide his entire future as a fighter, and he’s barely got time to prepare.

but he’s in the gym every single day of the week, he doesn’t super cut on weight like most ex-wrestlers, and most importantly, it’s just fighting. all he has to do is get in the octagon and punch some dude in the face. he can do that all day.

race on the other hand,,,,,,,,

he believes in albert with his whole soul, he really does, but Fuck watching your boyfriend get hit in the head is no fucking fun. especially when you know that the guy throwing the punches has been training for months, and your guy hasn’t even had a week

so he brings jack for moral support. also cause jack is DEFINITELY a ufc fan and was the only one that would understand what was happening.

at some point in the first round albert gets caught clean, opening a cut on his cheek, which makes race Panic Even More

but he gets cleaned up between rounds, and it’s not swelling so he can still see, and it’s over by the middle of the second.

and albert wins, cause (this is fiction and i’m telling a story) of fucking course he does, and he probably wins with some stupid dramatic spinning back kick and gets clipped on twitter cause he’s just Like That

the part that makes me, as the ralbert shipper, super fucking happy is coming up but i need to add a lil real talk first

considering albert is like,,,, openly in a relationship with a man when he gets into the ufc,,,,, that makes him the first publicly gay ufc fighter. like,,,, ever.

this is realized after his hand gets raised after the ref calls the stoppage.

bruce buffer makes the official announcement, al gets his hand raised, he gets interviewed by joe rogan, and then his coaches, jack and race get to come into the cage

at first everyone things it’s a best friend or something, especially after the dap up bro hug things he gives his coaches and jack

but then albert sees race, and you can watch this boy’s face light up on the camera. then race throws his arms around albert’s neck and albert half lifts him off the ground in a hug around his waist and ok, sure, that’s not the most platonic thing you’ve ever seen, but that doesn’t prove anything

and then albert kisses race. like full, actual, on the mouth in front of all the cameras kiss. cause he doesn’t give a shit.

and nobody’s talking about his spinning back kick anymore, cause Holy Shit That Wasn’t Very Straight Of You Dasilva

but he doesn’t address it, cause every other fighter gets to kiss their wife or girlfriend or whatever in the cage after they win and nobody bats an eye, so why should it be any different for him and his boyfriend?

also, because it needs to be said, statistically there are ALREADY lgbtq+ male fighters in the ufc. like currently, in real life. they’re just not out publicly. the ufc has openly supported queer people’s rights in the past, and is partnered with 4 prominent HIV/AIDS awareness organizations. there is multiple openly queer women currently fighting in the ufc, including amanda nunes, who has been repeatedly called the greatest women’s fighter of all time. but as of right now, there is no openly mlm ufc fighters, so that would technically make albert the first. we love a trend setter. now back to what i’m supposed to be talking about djdhdbd

and eventually interviewers and fans on twitter realize that they’re only going to get one answer to vague questions about sexuality, which is “i’m dating a man and i fight people for a living. if that makes me a revolutionary, so be it bro.”

he includes race in a lot of his answers, especially in interviews where they ask more personal questions or grill him on his mental game, cause he loves race and thinks he deserves credit for everything he does to make al a better person and a better fighter

also, purely for my own entertainment, i think after he becomes champion (cause of course he does) he goes on the joe rogan podcast, and joe is pretty much the only one who gets albert to talk about any of it in a genuine way

he doesn’t get sarcasm or a blunt “can we talk about fighting, now?” like everyone else, he gets a real answer, cause that’s what albert came on to do anyway

he talks about getting together in highschool, and how it was race’s idea for him to start kickboxing in the first place, and what a fucking genius race is and how he’s getting his PhD right now, and how he didn’t want to talk about it cause he didn’t want to be the “gay fighter”, and how that’s a trivialization of his relationship with race and he refuses to let it be seen as anything but what it is, which is the best fucking thing that’s ever happened to him

just. Ugh. them <3

THIS POST IS SO LONG HOLY SHIT DHDHDHDH

anyway-

y e a h. albert dasilva would rock anyone’s shit. if i keep having thoughts about this i’ll make one about him becoming champion. thank you for your time ✨

also gonna tag @soaps-posts cause the brainrot is powerful so here you are my dear <3

[imaginethathaikyuu]

How did I find your blog? I was looking for soft Kuroo content on google. And your soft birthday hc’s for him came up. And that’s also how I found tumblr

What was the first story of yours that I read? That Kuroo piece ^

Roughly, how long have I been following this blog? Well I found that piece shortly after it was posted so…. Around the beginning of December 2019 I think. Got a tumblr a few months later and you were the first person I followed (had you in my bookmarks bar before that! (still have you in my bookmarks bar and when I share my screen in classes there are occasionally questions. I ignore them))

What’s something I’ve noticed about you personality wise? You’re really clever and funny. But you’re also sweet. But because you’re clever you have no hesitation in setting up and enforcing your boundaries, and I really admire that strength and confidence.

Have we ever interacted, either by PM, ask, or in the comments? What was my perception of you? YES!!! PM, SOOOOO many asks, comments, and you sent me an ask. And reblogged it. And I cried. A lot. My perception: you’re lovely and I want to h*ld your h*nd ….please.

What’s my favorite story of yours? Oh how to choose. Firstly, I’m a nb, biracial, bisexual. Honey, I’ve never made a choice in my life. But let’s try here. Anything you’ve written for Tsukki. Literally all of it is gold. Fight me. I was going to write “especially [piece title]” but I LITERALLY CANNOT CHOOSE ONE. Your Bokuto nightmare piece. Your Kuroo angsty fight. Your Tendou dealing with S/O with parents who yell piece. Your Kinktobers. Your Futakuchi and Mattsun pieces. And your Terushima pieces. Ugh. I CANNOT CHOOSE. OH AND YOUR STREAMER KENMA!!!!!! OKay just… all of it. I can’t choose. I tried, and I failed, and I’m willing to admit failure.

What’s a story I’d love to see you write? I don’t want to say this… because it hurts me… but I just KNOW you’d write brilliant angst. Some of my fav pieces of yours are pained beginnings with happy endings. That fight with Tsukki after a bad day at work. The pieces I mentioned above (nightmare pieces and fighting pieces and angsty home life ha.. ha.ha.ha.). That Oikawa one where the reader wakes up in bed without him and thinks he left. You write these gorgeous atmospheres and descriptive, visceral feelings, and if you chose to use it for evil…. You could get evil shit done. You’re SO powerful. So I want to read it… but also…. I don’t. I’d love to see you write ABO like you mentioned a while back or just see you explore a cutesy soulmate AU or something. I think you’d be really good at writing an AU where you hear what the other person’s listening too. I feel like you’d be so good at making me feel something for someone who was in another city. (think this would be cute with Tsukki cos he’s headphones boy, OR terushima because I like the dynamic of someone flirty, who clearly cares about looks, falling for someone he can’t see) ANYWAY….

Favorite pairing you write for?/fav reader insert? Tsukishima x reader. It’s my fav self-ship. (but also Mattsun, Bokuto, Oikawa, Tanaka, and Akaashi because you write them SO WELL!!!!)

Have any of your stories helped me through a hard time? Of course. Your self-harm piece came at a time I needed it. Iwaizumi’s in particular saved my life. But also your Tendou dealing with S/O parents who fight… came right when I needed it. Also starting college… was hard.. And reading and rereading your fluff really pulled me through it.

Have any of your stories hit closer to home? YES (see above).

Do I genuinely like your blog, it’s aesthetic or posts? It’s overall feel? It’s content? Yes. The aesthetic is, ngl, a wee bit basic. But I kinda love that. And the feel? It feels like home. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Your blog is my safe space. So, yes, I love. It’s content? YES. OF COURSE. Your personality probably could have kept me here even if your content was kinda shit, but I follow you RELIGIOUSLY because of your content. So yes. I adore.

Is English my first language? Kinda??? I grew up in a trilingual household so I kinda learned three languages at the same time while growing up. But no, I don’t need to translate it in my head. Because English was one of the three.

Anything I want to share? Yes. Please keep being kind to yourself, caring for your mental health, enforcing your boundaries, loving Akaashi, and just generally being you. You’re so lovely as you are, and I hope you continue grow, but never change. Also I’m sorry about all your work stuff…. It literally makes me feel sick. And I hope you find a job where that’s not tolerated, or that your work finds a better way of protecting it’s employees. I know you know this, but none of it is your fault. I just hope things improve. AND I love you… a lot. And I’m so proud of you hitting 9K and you deserve so many more followers because your pieces are just... GORGEOUS. I can’t wait until I’m at Barnes and Noble in a few years and I can pick up a hardback copy of your debut novel. I’m so excited to say “I knew Em Akaashi (which is your legal name as far as I’m concerned) before she was so popular among the masses.”

so ive been trying to figure out the correct and worthy way to reply to this ask since the moment i got it......because its so fucking sweet and kind and amazing and pure and perfect and i just dont know how to use WORDS to explain the way it makes me feel so.......i will just reply in bullet points in regards to every question u answered to make it a lil easier :D

- the fact that u found my blog on google ....... like this may be odd and a very specific thing but before i made this blog i always hoped that 1 day my fanfic would pop up in google searches bc thats ALWAYS how i found fics when i was reading them religiously and i felt so much ENVY!!!!! LIKE I WANTED TO BE THERE I WANTED MY FICS TO B POPULAR ENOUGH TO POP UP ON GOOGLE.....that may sound very selfish but its true......so thats just very cool to me... :]

- u’ve been here for so long omg 🥺🥺🥺🥺 if anyone in ur classes ever asks jus promo my blog like its nbd 

- thats so sweet what 🥺🥺🥺 i try my best to advocate for myself and be confident for myself.....ive spent far too much of my time being silently uncomfortable because i was afraid of pushing someone’s buttons seeming rude.....but NO MORE!!!! i know what upsets me, i know my triggers, i know what i dislike experiencing, and im never gonna let myself be anxious or uncomfortable for someone else’s sake, esp if theyre being rude 2 me. i would say its less strength and confidence and moreso me attempting to take control of my anxiety in the places i can (aka on the Internet) bc i am SICK OF ANXIETY ATTACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

- BBY no dont CRY!!!! im racking my brain trying to think of who u are i wanna know so bad so i can thank u personally for being the kindest person in the world n so i can send u more asks >:(........MY HAND IS URS TO HOLD!!!!! dont tell akaashi tho 

- OMG my TSUKKI pieces.....hes so hard to write why ;-; thank u so much im so glad u enjoy my works<3333

- NOT ANGST NOT LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!! pained beginnings to happy endings are my specialty.....IMAGINE me writing a sad ending like i CANT!!!!!!!!! ive only done it a few times and it is so Difficult.....YALL ARE SO LUCKY IM NOT EVIL!!!!!! ive had this idea for an angsty akaashi fic that i think about and write in my head every night before falling asleep and it Hurts and i wanna write it but i also can’t make myself :D ABO would be very fun but i genuinely do not know how to explore the concept while making it feel like it’s Written By Me.....u know what i mean? same with soulmate aus, i really dislike writing them because theyre just boring to me like they all feel the same everything’s been done for them.....which is FINE!!! but i write enough cliche stuff as it is HAHA, a long distance type soulmate au could be fun and interesting but ldr’s trigger me bc of a past relationship so </3 but hey maybe someone else could use the idea!!!!!

- gotta love tsukishima <3

- im rlly glad my writing could be there for you friend, one of the biggest reasons i write fanfic (and write the kind of fics i write) is bc i know firsthand how much reading sweet stories abt ur comfort characters can help u through the shittiest times - i just wanna offer ppl some support and happy feelings and love cuz sometimes fanfic is the only time we can find those things (and theres nothing shameful abt that either if anyone bullies u for reading fanfic i will fight them)

- I KNOW MY LAYOUT IS LAZY AND BASIC AS FUCK AND THAT IS BECAUSE I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT LMAOOOO so im glad u think its ok...... like i dont have the patience to create a fancy ass layout that actually works are u KIDDING ME??????? I COULD LITERALLY NEVER plus i kinda like that its just the basic kinda ugly boring default layout like it makes it simple and easy and i feel like it brings focus to the only thing on this blog that i care about which is my writing, i rlly only care about the content here and not aesthetics jdbljdabsdk that blue background will be there til i Die......i adore u more btw 

- WHOA trilingual what the hell ur so cool tell me more 

- you have my word, friend, that i will continue to do all of that so long as you do the same. take care of yourself, be kind to yourself - i know u can do it, ur so kind to others and u deserve to be kind to urself, too so this is the part that genuinely brought me to tears because *sappy dumb shit ahead* ok look ever since i can remember the one and only thing ive wanted to do with my life is become an author ...... dreams of book covers with my name written on them and words in pages written by me and fanart of my characters and going into my local bookstore n seeing my book there....these thoughts all haunt my fucking brain because i want it SO BAD!!!!!!!! so bad that it makes me CRY!!!!!!!! ive never wanted something more and just!!!!!!!!!!!! idk how much u meant that part but holy fuck!!!!!! i hope so bad that one day i can send u a free copy of my book as a thank u for being the person u are. u have all my love friend, every last bit of it <333333333

[samthemarvelfan]

One Last Time: Part 1 of 2

Summary: ModernAU! Mini Series! With her best friend’s wedding around the corner, Ella Monroe is bound to run into people from her past. While she may have left her old life behind, it seems as though her heart hasn’t.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OFC,(can be read as Y/N) Wanda Maximoff, Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanoff, Sam Wilson

Warnings: Swearing, heavy angst, infidelity, mentions of drinking.

A/N: Hi guys! This idea came to me at about 3 am last Thursday and I’ve been fine tuning it since. It’s a long one again, (sorry!) so strap in! <3

@iheartsebastianstan @jjlizz @stuckysbabe @sk493494 @lefoutoir @nickangel13 @marvelismysafezone @lilulo-12 @warmvanillafeels @star-spangled-beard-burn @ravenesque @pinknerdpanda @wintersoldierissucharide @snapcapquartet @ellen-reincarnated1967 @unlistedpond @my-drowning-in-time (strikethrough means the tag didn’t work! I’m sorry!) Tags are OPEN! Just send an ask :)

“So there’s no one you wanna bring?” Wanda asked through your speaker.

You’d put her on speaker phone when you entered the hotel room. Walking through checking for any imperfections, you continued your conversation.

“Wan, honestly it’s fine. I told you I didn’t need a plus-one when you sent the invites out...a year ago.”

She chuckled, “I know, I guess I was just holding out for a miracle.”

You rolled your eyes, “Ha-ha.” You said sardonically. “Well, before I’m insulted anymore, I’m gonna go get ready for your rehearsal dinner.”

“I’m only teasing you, Els. You’re not the only person coming solo...” she spoke. Wanda was your best friend, and you knew what she was doing. She was baiting you.

“Wan...” you scold.

“I’m just saying! There’s a few people who also declined the plus-one!” She feigned her innocence.

A sigh escaped you, “Are you gonna get to the point?”

She paused, “Well like, I don’t know...Bucky for example, he’s coming solo too.”

“And there it is.” You said flatly.

“There what is?” She asked.

You flopped on the bed, placing the phone on your chest. “Wanda, I don’t care that he’s going to be there. I don’t care if he’s going solo. I don’t care to see him.”

“Ella...” she said, her voice full of pity.

“No, no, no. Don’t you ‘Ella’ me,” you mock, “I’m fine, Wan. I haven’t seen him in what, 5 years? I doubt he’s even thinking about me being there, and before this conversation I sure as hell wasn’t thinking about him.”

Liar, liar, pants on fire. You thought.

She sighed, “I just...I know he hurt you. More than that, I know you, Els. I don’t want you to get wrapped up in the past when you see him. I want you to actually enjoy the weekend, not avoid Bucky the whole time you’re in town.”

You heard her say hello to someone, “Oh Els, Vis just got here, I’ll see you tonight?” She said, the excitement apparent in her voice.

“Yes you will, love you!” You pressed end on the call, and let out a puff of air.

You’d be damned if your evening was going to be ruined by Bucky Barnes.

6 Years Earlier:

“So are you guys dating or what?” Wanda asked you, gripping her mug excitedly.

You felt embarrassment rise to you face, “I...I think so? Who knows with him, he’s never actually asked me out on a date before tonight.”

She rolled her eyes as she sipped her coffee, “Ella...the guy is obsessed with you. I see the way you guys are together, he’s a different person around you.”

You smiled to yourself, “I like him, Wan. I like him so fucking much,” you laugh. “He’s so kind, and he’s funny, and he remembers everything. I told him one time—one time, what my favorite ice cream was. Remember when I had the flu a few weeks back? He sent me a whole get-well package, Ben and Jerry’s Cinnamon Buns ice cream included.”

You fidgeted with the straw in you iced coffee as Wanda looked at you. The smile on her face screamed excitement, but it didn’t match the concern in her eyes.

“What is it?” You ask, before sipping your drink.

She shook her head softly, “Nothing, Els.” She fibbed.

“Wanda...” you chastised.

She sighed, “I just don’t wanna see you get hurt. That’s all.”

You gave her a look of confusion, and she continued.

“I’ve known Bucky since college, and he’s a great friend. He’s loyal, and he’s kind, and he’d give you the shirt off his back in a second.”

“Why do I feel a ‘but’ coming...” you said cautiously.

“He’s never been a one-girl kinda guy. Any relationship he’s ever had has been...short-lived at best. I hope that’s not the case any more, is all. You’re my best friend on the planet and you don’t deserve that.”

Nodding, you take in her words. Bucky had asked if you wanted to grab dinner from your favorite pizza place and then head to the park for a picnic dinner. That sounds like a date, right?

“He makes me feel safe, Wan. Like I can be myself around him and he’ll always have my back. I’ve never felt like that with anybody.” You smile softly to yourself.

“Hey, I didn’t mean to make you think he doesn’t like you, truth be told I’ve never seen him act like he does with you with anyone else either, it’s like you put a spell on the guy.”

You let out a chuckle, “We can only hope!”

You looked fucking good.

You’d never been one to be that confident, but tonight you couldn’t help it. The dress you’d picked was perfect; deep green, velvet and long sleeves. All with black heels to match.

The ride to the restaurant was quick. Wanda thankfully was savvy enough to keep everything within the same 5 blocks.

As you entered, you were handed a glass of champagne, which it took a lot of control not o guzzle down in one swig.

This place was stunning. Marble floors, golden sconces, and dark wood accents. It even had an incredible view of the water, and a patio jetting out so you could enjoy the stars and views of the city.

“Ella?” A strong voice called behind you.

You spun and saw Steve with a cheeky grin on his face. “Steve, oh my God, hi!”

You embraced him without hesitation, “Holy shit, Els. I almost didn’t recognize you, you look amazing.”

He kissed your cheek as you rubbed a hand on his back. “This is nuts, what’s it been...3 years?” You ask.

He laughed, “I think so, the uh, the September Foundation Gala! That was the last project you worked on with us, right?”

You pursed you’re lips into a forced smile, and nodded. “Yeah, yeah I think so.”

A few years back, you’d been working for Stark Industries as the Liaison for Logistical Affairs; AKA the calmer of all the shit storms.

You’d proposed the Grant program to your boss/CEO of the company Tony Stark, and he actually went for it. The September Foundation is—was your baby.

“We miss you over there, the org is thriving. It’s all thanks to you ya know, you may have left us, but you inspired a lot of greatness while you were there.” Steve said earnestly.

You smiled earnestly, “Rogers I am way to sober to be this sentimental.”

He laughed, “Come on, I’ll get you a drink.”

Some time later you’d seen nearly all of your old friends.

Nat was pregnant, due to pop any second. She and Sam were expecting twins—a boy and a girl.

“I can’t believe this!” You shout, caressing her tummy.

“You? Shit, I still think there’s four or five of them in there with how big I am.” She gestured to her stomach.

You shook your head in protest, “Stop that, you are literally glowing.”

“I’m just glad Wanda, in her ever-modern wisdom mind you, decided against a bridal party.” The air quotes really added to the sarcasm.

Sam quirked an eyebrow, “Wait, I thought this was a rehearsal dinner. Y’all are telling me it’s just gonna be the two of ‘em standing up there tomorrow?”

You nod, “Yup. I think this is more of a celebration dinner with her closest pals, but that’s a little wordy for an invite.”

Nat chuckled, “It’s a little weird, but...so is Wanda.”

“Speak of the devil...” Wanda said approaching your circle of friends.

She hugged everyone, and announced that the buffet was open as was the bar.

“Open bar? Wanda you’re an angel.” Sam joked.

“Oh no, no, no. I can’t drink now or for the foreseeable future, but what I can do is eat. Let go.” Nat joked pushing Sam towards the buffet station.

“Ella, come here.” Wanda pulled you gently towards the side of the room.

“You look gorgeous.” You said. Taking in her stunning off-white gown. A little taste before the big reveal tomorrow night.

“I love you for that, but listen, Bucky just got here and I—“

“Wanda...” you say seriously.

“Ella, will you just listen? He asked me if you were here...”

Your breathing hitched, “And what did you tell him?”

She rolled her eyes, “What the fuck was I supposed to tell him? No? Of course I told him you were here. He’s at the bar with Steve.”

Surprise, surprise. You thought to yourself.

Who does he think he is? Asking if you’re here. As if he has some fucking right to even ask that. More importantly, why does he care?

Shaking your head subtly, you turn your attention back to Wanda.

“Listen to me, this is your night. Stop worrying about everyone else and enjoy your last night as a free woman.” You joked.

She rubbed your shoulder, “I can’t help it. I worry about you.”

Wanda has always had your back. She was there to pick up the pieces when Bucky left you behind. She was the one who let you mope on her couch for damn near a month before you finally slapped some sense into yourself.

“I’m grown up now, Mom,” you chided. “Time to push me out of the nest.”

She sighed, “If you need me at all, you better come find me.”

After a quick nod, and another promise, Wanda went to go mingle with Vis by her side.

The war in your head was waging fiercely. You wanted to avoid him, shield yourself from those painful memories at all cost.

But you also wanted to show him what he’d missed out on. How happy you are, how good you looked, and how much better off you are.

Without him.

You seemed to be walking on eggshells, drifting across the stone floor of the rented-out restaurant. It was only a matter of time until you were noticed.

“Ella! Come here, I got you another shot of Jameson.” Steve’s booming voice called out over the various groups of people.

Fuck, fuck, fuck me. Your internal monologue griped.

You looked to Steve, seeing he was standing alone. “Thank God...” you whisper to yourself.

Steve pulled you to him, placing a hand on the small of your back. The warm sensation made you blush.

“Steve, you know what this stuff does to me.” You chastised playfully.

He nodded, “Indeed I do, and you know what this stuff does to me.” He held up a shot of what you assume is tequila, “So we’ll be in the same boat.”

You shrugged, “As long as we’re in that boat together.”

Steve winked at you, and with that, you both tossed down the shots with ease.

The night went smoothly for a few hours. You had done shots with the bride-to-be, eaten some delicious pasta, and danced the night away with Sam and Steve.

You also had not seen Bucky anywhere.

Maybe he left. Maybe he’d asked Wanda if you were here so he’d know whether to stick around or not. Maybe he truly didn’t wanna see you, or maybe he didn’t have the fucking balls too.

5 Years Earlier:

You’d been trying to get in touch with Bucky all day. You’d gotten the job with Stark Industries and couldn’t wait to share the news with him!

After a third call to his cell left unanswered, you’d figured he was sleeping or playing video games so you decided just to wait until you got home to tell him.

You’d been living together for about a month, and it’s made life so much easier. Bucky made life so much easier.

He was so caring and so kind. He’d make breakfast on Sunday’s, a day you both had off, and he’d never let you leave without a goodbye kiss. He was truly the perfect boyfriend.

Your keys jingled in the lock, only to find it unlocked.

“Buck? Babe?” You called out into the apartment.

Dropping your bag on the bench near the door as usual, you didn’t even bother taking off your shoes as you couldn’t wait to tell him the news.

“Babe? I have the best news! Where are you?” You call out, finally hearing the music playing softly in the bedroom.

You open the door slowly, assuming he’s sleeping. Instead you see Bucky shirtless, resting against the headboard with one arm behind his head.

“Buck?” You call softly.

His eyes spring open at your voice calling out to him, and he stumbles out of the bed. “Ella? What are you—“

“Hey I didn’t find any—who the hell is this?”

All at once, it was as if time stood still.

There was a half-naked woman standing in your bedroom. Her hair was mussed and she walked to stand by Bucky like she’s known him her whole life.

“Who the hell am I? Bitch, you’re in my house! What the fuck is this, James?” You shout.

You’re enraged. Your hurt. It’s evident by the shaking of your body, and the tears forming in your eyes.

“Ella, I can expla—“

“She’s got 3 seconds to get out of my house before I break her fucking jaw.” You spoke to no one in particular, cutting him off.

The blonde grabbed a pile of clothing from the floor and left without another word.

“Ella...” Bucky said walking towards you. He was in just his boxers, a sight that usually made your mouth water, now made you ill.

“Do not fucking touch me.”

He put his hands on his hips, and hung his head low. What could he say? Nothing.

“I didn’t—“

“You didn’t what, James? Hmm?” You ask, your throat pained from holding back tears.

He shifted from foot to foot. “I didn’t think you’d be back this early.”

Wow.

His words dropped onto your heart like a boulder. You felt like you were going to be sick any second.

“Get out.” You seethed.

His eyes got wide, “Please, Doll. Please let me—“

“Get out of my fucking house!” You scream.

When he was gone, what followed was like a scene from a movie. You shredded any remnants of Bucky you could find.

Albums? Snapped in half. Clothes? Destroyed. Photos? Smashed. Anything he’d touched or bought you? Thrown out.

You should have listened. Trusted friends who had your best interests at heart. But no, you let this manipulative son of a bitch into you home, you body, and heart.

The only thing you hadn’t thrown out? His letters.

He’d written you dozens. All claiming he loved you, missed you, wanted to spend the rest of his life with you.

Liar. You thought to yourself.

The memories that flooded your mind made you head start to spin.

Or maybe that was the booze.

After 10, the restaurant had been cleared of tables and turned into a private club with a dance floor.

Only Wanda...

You found Steve next to you, “I’m gonna get some air!” You shout over the music.

Steve nodded, “Want me to go with you?” He asked.

You shook your head, “No, no I’m good. I’ll be right back!”

Weaving in and out of couples and groups, you made your way to the door which led to the private patio.

The cool air kissed your skin, and you relished in the relief. The air was so clean as opposed to the sweaty mess happening inside right now.

You leaned against the railing and looked out over the water. The quiet night helped silence your mind, ironically.

Inhaling deeply, you closed your eyes. Intending to get a few moments of peace, until soft footsteps got your attention.

“I was wondering how long you were gonna avoid me.”

Part Two!

[ahkaraii]

Belatedly answered ask responses

Thank you for anyone who has sent me stuff!! I LOVE reading them and I’m so sorry I’m awful at replying, but know that I love each and every one. Here’s my attempt to answer a whole lot :D

@doki-dream​ Thank you so much for enjoying my DBZ comics!! DBZ was my earliest “fandom”, as it were, from over twenty years ago, and it was so, so special to me as a wee child. I think it’s obvious how heavily I project onto Gohan, haha! But now that I’m an adult, it’s really fun to weave in all these ideas I had as a kiddo into a more seamless interpretation that works with the existing canon. I hope you continue to enjoy my interpretations  <3

@half-devil-in-red-leather​ Thank you so much for sticking around with me for so long!!  :D :D DMC still has a very dear place in my heart, and always will. As for Trunks and Gohan  -- they were my favourite characters, too!! Gohan moreso than Trunks in my case, but I’m awfully fond of all iterations of my purple-haired boy, and someday I’ll get around to drawing all of my Mirai!Trunks headcanons :) Trunks and Goten are fascinating to me as well, because they’re a Unit, yanno? In canon they were rarely seen without the other, and so their development as people is undoubtedly tied together, too. The differences between Mirai!Trunks and main-timeline!Trunks is FASCINATING, and speaks a lot to what are “core” characteristics of Trunks and what are things he’s adapted from his close peers over the years. Anyway, I love Trunks and Goten and Gotenks and rest assured I’ll be posting a lot more about them in the future.

@vejigante​ Unfortunately I still haven’t watched Dragon Ball Super beyond the two movies (Battle of Gods and Broly) so I’m preeetty much out of the loop as to who these guys are. Maybe someday :0

@katerchip​ :D :D :D =happy=

@yusuke96universe​ I don’t exactly take suggestions, mostly because I kinda draw whatever I feel like in any given moment, and drawing something based on someone else’s idea or suggestion is almost always stressful (”what if they don’t like my take” “what if I drew something they find gross” “what if what if what if” etc), but I can safely say I, uhhh, actually don’t know much about Tien??? I’ve skim read the original Dragon Ball manga, but I never watched the original Dragon Ball anime, so Tien is one of those side characters I don’t have a very good grasp on, or, frankly, much interest in. Maybe someday!

@shika-boom​ Fugaku and Shikaku were not friends, per say, but they were always peripherally aware of each other. They’re both clan heirs, for one, so you gotta know who’s who. Shikaku has always been a nosy nin who collects secrets, while Fugaku’s shameful secrets have always been painfully on display, so it’s not like they didn’t butt heads now and again growing up. I talk a little more about the topic here (x).

@darkblades75​ Thank you!! You can read the manga online here (x).

@hydrabellwolf​ Raditz is an interesting character I’m still getting a handle of, in my own interpretation, but I think he essentially has little to no attachment to his birth family and as a kid he probably thought Goku was pampered trash because Gine kept his pod at home. I don’t think Raditz ever made the connection that Gine sent Goku out to save him from the massacre, so I don’t think Raditz realized Gine “spared” Goku and didn’t think about him (Raditz).

Afterward, he only ever remembers Goku might still exist when he realizes he needs someone he can ally with against Nappa and Vegeta (after establishing he’s Alpha Dog, hence him stealing Gohan and talk-posturing at Goku instead of properly fighting from the start), so it’s not so much familial piety as it is convenience because he’s outnumbered and outgunned and outbullied by the only couple other Saiyan survivors.

@wardstoneus That’s a story for another day, and details I probably won’t get super into because I’ve learned my lesson about delving into unnecessarily dark themes in an ambiguously exploitative way. But, yeah, I have lots of Thoughts about Raditz’s distinctive hairline and how that looks more like Vegeta than it does Bardock, and how exactly that could’ve gone about.

It was not a consensual thing :/ Gine had a rough life, and not just because she was weak and also not very Saiyan like. Bardock married her to protect her after she was pregnant, and he got demoted to low class because of it. (That’s how I explain to myself how Bardock was apparently super fucking strong and yet inexplicably deemed low class).

@loyaltykask​ Tbh the only other Sakumo ship I find mildly interesting is Sakumo/Tsunade (you can kinda tell why I drew them together in the Five comic in the first place xDD), but, naturally, my take on Sakumo and the Sakumo that gets shipped with Orochimaru in fandom are very different characters with very different pasts that made them that way :’D So if I separate my take and just take fanon Sakumo as it is, there’s lots of interesting fics with him and Orochimaru and such. I don’t tend to read them though, because Orochomaru is never in character (as I interpret him, anyway), and that can be tiring XD

@pretty-rage-machine​ Thank you!!! I’m sorry (not sorry) that I jump around fandoms so much, my creative brain is stupid and it latches onto new things every 2-6 months without control and I’ve learned to just go with the flow, it allows me to create faster and better works if I let myself explore whatever topic has captured my interest at any given moment instead of forcing it to stick to one thing. Luckily, I am not a professional artist; if you are, don’t do this xDDD Maintaining discipline and motivation beyond personal whim is important in any job!!

That being said, yay!! I’m glad you like my stuff regardless of how much knowledge you have of the canon I’m messing with. Hearing my characterizations are grounded and relatable makes me happy <3<3

@poly-hebdo​ Thank you!!! :D :D Once again, I apologize for jumping fandoms like the attention deficit fella I am, but I’m glad you’re still digging my works regardless of the fandom!

@jkl-fff​ Ahh thank you, friend!! (Side note reply: I watched DBZ:A yeeears ago, and I have to rewatch it again STAT because I actually have gotten mentioned by MasakoX (voice of gohan and goku in DBZA) a couple of times now, once in one of his videos and twice on his twitter feed, so I’m like HOLY SHIIIIT!!!! because that’s some Senpai-Noticed-Me shit and eeeeeeek).

It may be obvious by now but I HEAVILY project onto Gohan, he was basically my mental self-insert as a wee lad, so my characterization of him is heavily tinged by that selfish nostalgia; part of the reason I’ve been drawing these comics is to seamlessly integrate that mental image of Gohan I have living in my brain to the actual existing canon, to make him a plausible version of Gohan that can exist between the pages. From that, a fascinating little narrative has been born and I’ve been having fun detailing out the characters that exist around the Gohan I’ve created :D Thank you for enjoying my hot take on it!!

And YES LAWD I am all for bisexual Gohan, he and Dende were totally a cute first romance thing as teenagers, though naturally it had to come to an end as they moved on with their lives -- Dende to proper ascetic Godhood, and Gohan to a more normal human highschool life. Maybe someday I’ll get into the nuanced complexities of that, though I probably won’t post it to twitter, where the audience there seems to crave more canon straight stuff than any wistful doomed gay sideplots (that seems more a Tumblr thing). Ahhhh so many ideas, so little time XDD

[itsclydebitches]

RWBY Recaps: “Gravity”

Good lord, folks. Buckle your seat-belts because we’ve got a lot to get through this episode. I think this is my longest recap to date, so settle in.

Episode Eleven’s “Gravity” starts out simple enough, focusing on the two fights we’d set up during “Out in the Open.” First up, Ironwood vs. Watts. Overall this fight does a really excellent job of showcasing their different fighting styles. Right from the start Watts is pointing his gun forward to take a clear shot at Ironwood, whereas Ironwood points his backwards to use as a surge of momentum.

He’s going to do this frequently throughout the battle, constantly using his gun to maneuver in the air, slow falls, regain his balance, and change directions, a much more complicated series of choices than the one-off shots we see Ruby use with her sniper rifle. This is partly because Ironwood seems to have a much larger supply of bullets---some sort of energy/dust ammo---than Watts does. His steampunk-esque gun holds only nineteen bullets, requiring him to keep track throughout the fight. Which is always a fun trope but sorry, Watts, you can’t compare to the king.

Thus, with limited weaponry available to him, Watts is forced to get creative with the arena itself. We see him manipulating gravity, shooting up columns of water and fire, and making use of his own pathways between platforms, all in an effort to throw Ironwood off and catch up unawares. However, Ironwood is, frankly, the much better fighter. He was right last week to assume he could handle Watts even though he sent three off to tackle Tyrian. He’s able to recover much more quickly and learns from any mistakes, as evidenced by his ability to hit Watts dead on while in the air the second time he takes out the gravity. When they come together in hand-to-hand Ironwood easily dominates, no doubt thanks not just to his military training and huntsmen lifestyle, but also in large part to his prosthetics which I would assume grant him more speed and power. Throughout the course of the fight we see Watts consistently take more damage to his aura and he’s unable to sense when Ironwood is sneaking up on him. After that little maneuver, Watts (presumably) grows reckless and lets off his last three or four shots in a random barrage. All of them miss.

This emphasis on emotion continues when they land back onto the main stage with Watts shouting, “You never appreciated my genius, James! You just stood atop it and called yourself a giant.” Oh, did Ironwood actually do something horrendous in the past? Is there something juicy that would explain---though not excuse---Watts’ turn towards villainy? Nah. He quickly follows that up with, “You chose that fat imbecile over me!” referring to Pietro. So... nice one, Watts. Crazy arrogance, willful ignorance of Pietro’s own, clear genius (anyone who can create Penny is no slouch), as well as a bit of fat-shamming on top of it all. No sympathy from me.

This moment emphasizes how unhinged Watts is becoming though as the fight turns against him. Even when he manages to setup a head shot Ironwood reveals, “You’re smart, but you’re not the only one who can count,” referencing that Watt’s emotions got the better of him, leading to him wasting his last bullet before it could be of real use.

...except not. I’ve got to admit, I was very pleased when all of this---or at least this particular moment---was merely a plan to get Ironwood to let his guard down. Watts is way too smart a character to be done in by the “You got too emotional and that made you sloppy” trope. So kudos there (even if it remains to be seen whether that Pietro comment was really his motivation, or just another part of the plan). Instead, he uses Ironwood’s confidence in his victory to trap him with the rings that control the arena, essentially pinning Ironwood’s non-prosthetic arm through the energy shields he’s been using. We can immediately see that the parts that have touched Ironwood already have horribly burned the skin.

And that ends up being Watt’s downfall. Not stupidity on his own part, but his lack of understanding of Ironwood himself. He assumes that this truly is a trap for him, rather than another sacrifice. After all, what fool would ruin their one remaining arm to stop him? Watts himself wouldn’t. Don’t pull, he cautions Ironwood, not “unless you’re hoping to add more metal to that body of yours.” Watts goes so far as to turn his back on Ironwood who then makes the sacrifice we all knew he would. One burned, useless arm later and he’s free.

I would like everyone to keep this moment in mind. Namely the utter devastation of it. I’d go so far as to say it’s as bad at Yang losing her arm in Volume 3. Despite seeing it bandaged later, Watts at least thinks it will be a complete loss if Ironwood sacrifices it. He’ll need to “add more metal,” AKA replace his arm, so though he obviously still has it in the following scenes, we don’t know if it will ever be functional again. Just as important, Ironwood had to choose to do that to himself. That wasn’t a horrific, but ultimately clean cut done in a moment of surprise. That was a conscious decision, a slow pull through all that pain, and then having to finish your fight immediately afterward. It’s a very different kind of psychological trauma, no better or worse than having someone take your arm from you by force. Throughout this volume I’ve seen a lot of fans being critical not only of Ironwood’s main decisions, but just his overall attitude as well. Too strict, too stern, doesn’t smile enough, yells sometimes, etc. basically associating someone who isn’t all sunshine and smiles with someone who is “bad.” Ignoring for the moment that we can say the same thing about many of our group---notably Yang---I have little doubt that I’ll see similar posts after this episode. Writings in the vein of, “Ironwood is unhinged! I can’t believe he yelled and hit his desk like that!” So everyone just keep this moment in mind and ask yourself how calm you’d be if you’d sacrificed your arm like that all of half an hour ago. And then found Salem’s calling card on your desk. And then came to the realization that the allies you trusted have been lying to you from the start. And then Salem herself appears to mock you. And then your city is about to be overrun. Basic summary of the rest of the episode: holy shit. So yeah. If Yang is allowed to be angry and upset after losing her arm, or just angry in general like she is in the later half of “Gravity,” I think we owe it to Ironwood to let him be angry too. I have a lot of feelings about the utter insanity he’s been forced through with little to no support and if he wants to take all that out by hitting his desk once, by god I’d say that’s a good coping strategy given the circumstances. Both the writing and the fans tend to erase trauma once you’ve passed age 25. The girls have every right to be upset, to break, to not trust people because they��ve been through a few months of hardship, but Ozpin isn’t allowed the same after a couple thousand years of that. We’re going to see the same hypocrisy later in this episode---the group can be upset about lies but Ironwood is not---and I’m hoping (against hope) that the fandom doesn’t make that worse by sweeping this injury under the rug. It’s horrific and absolutely has a bearing on his inability to keep his cool with the group immediately afterwards. We’ve long passed Ironwood owing them endless reassurances and calm responses. 

Anyway, Ironwood still manages to finish the fight because his remaining arm is his robotic one, giving him the strength to easily drag and raise Watts into the air one-handed. He dangles him over the edge of the arena, announcing that he will “sacrifice whatever it takes to stop [Salem].” A clear bit of foreshadowing for his decision at the end of the episode. Watts responds that he hopes he does.

We then move to the Tyrian fight which, on the whole, I don’t think was done quite as well. Granted, there are a lot of enjoyable and badass moments. I like that Clover’s first act is to announce that Tyrian is under arrest, maintaining the law that Atlas (and Ironwood) works to uphold. It doesn’t matter that Tyrian is a crazy serial killer in league with an immortal sorceress hell-bent on destroying the world. Even crazy serial killers have rights and are given the option of surrendering, even when everyone present knows there’s exactly zero chance of that happening. It’s the principal of the thing and the ability to say, “We gave him a chance.” In a world overrun with inequality, this is a small but important attempt to level the field. If you do something wrong you face legal action and those rights are announced to you. Same for Tyrian. Same for Team RWBY. But we’ll get to that.

For now, we see Qrow attack first and like back in Volume Four he and Tyrian are pretty evenly matched. The tide doesn’t turn until Robyn and Clover come into play. Throughout this exchange we see a lot of cool combos among the three of them. Tyrian will block an incoming arrow with his tail only for Clover to snag it with his hook. Robyn can get another arrow to perfectly bounce off the walls and then Qrow’s scythe, hitting Tyrian dead on. Clover can dive between Tyrian’s legs, giving Qrow the opening he needs to attack. It is, as said, pretty badass... almost a little too badass. Personally, I would have appreciated them messing up once or twice. They’re all professionals, yes, but Qrow and Clover have only had one fight together. Robyn, meanwhile, wasn’t even allied with them until an hour ago. This is a situation where skills shouldn’t really trump, “We’re three very distinct people who don’t know each other’s fighting styles well, trying to attack one guy in very close quarters.” There should have been some screw-ups. Especially when we take semblances into account. What, are we supposed to assume here that Clover’s semblance just conveniently overrides Qrow’s? That no mistakes---let alone anything bad---will happen in this fight despite the fact that it’s an extreme parallel to Volume Four? That whole battle emphasized, “Don’t come closer!” because when people fight near Qrow bad shit happens. Now, he fights with two other people in a narrow alleyway and there’s not a single repercussion. Based on their travels looking for the geist, I don’t buy that Qrow’s semblance is just conveniently inactive while near Clover. Even if I did... that’s not a very good writing decision. To me, it’s just more evidence that Rooster Teeth doesn’t understand its own rules/doesn’t know what to do with an ability like Qrow’s. It causes problems only when they explicitly want it to. Then, miraculously, it’s no longer in effect.

Still, we’ll acknowledge that RWBY had a lot else it wanted to accomplish in this episode, so the need to power through this fight is somewhat justified. I personally would have had the entirety of this episode be the two battles---I was shocked when both ended just eight minutes in---but I’m obviously not the one writing the show. Thus, instead of an episode devoted to both the action and the emotion of confronting our two main villains this volume, Tyrian loses his cool after getting punched in the gut, manages to catch Robyn’s arrow in his teeth... 

But it’s a bomb. 

Down he goes. Fight’s done.

Which leads us into the second half of the episode. I want to preface this with a short acknowledgment before we go any further.

Did these last ten minutes give me what I’ve been looking for since the beginning of Volume Six? No. It’s easy to assume it did because all the pieces are there. Ironwood is finally angry about the secret keeping. The Ace Ops are criticizing the group left and right. Surely this is the “The group is capable of making mistakes and they should be called out for it!” that I wanted, right? Not really. For the simple reason that there is a massive difference between:

A story that acknowledges mistakes as mistakes. The characters either grow from this lesson or dig in their heels and are painted as being in the wrong for that decision.

and

A story that takes what the audience (me) perceives as mistakes and frames them as justified choices. The characters do not grow because they’re 100% sure they’re in the right and those who would criticize them are painted as in the wrong. 

“Gravity” is so far into that second option I don’t think the series can come back from it. Does the group face criticism? Yes, but every single time the writing insists that it’s undeserved criticism. It paints the group as the underdogs facing unfair odds, rather than equals---with all the responsibility that comes with that---facing criticism that they need to own up to. Absolutely nothing in this second half implies that the group is going to learn from their mistakes because they, and the writing, still insists that they weren’t mistakes. Which is precisely what we’ve gotten before. Cordovin might criticism them, but Cordovin is in the wrong. Winter might criticism them, but Winter is in the wrong. Every time a character goes, “Hey, you shouldn’t have done this” the group responds with, “Yes we should have!” and the story backs them up. Yes, you should have attacked Argus. Yes, you should have stolen an airship. Yes, you should have lied to Ironwood and spilled the secret to Robyn. Yes, yes, yes. That’s the takeaway every single time. The group is never in the wrong. Others just think they are and those others are painted as cruel, militaristic, unhinged characters.

It’s not at all what I was looking for. Just more of the same.

So that’s the preface. In terms of what we actually get, Ironwood returns to his office with his arm bandaged and in a sling, carrying Watts’ bag, only to drop it when he sees the queen piece on his desk. He calls Winter asking, “Was anyone caught entering the school grounds while I was away?” and when she says no Ironwood has her race off to the Winter Maiden, unknowingly leading Cinder there in the process. “Now show me where you’ve been hiding her.”

We then cut to the group where the trouble begins. They’re not just curious about why Ironwood is recalling them with Mantle still in need of evacuation, they’re actively questioning it. This is the attitude I simply don’t understand. The group acts as if Ironwood is deliberately screwing everyone over when they know better. This is no longer the beginning of the volume where they thought he was some horrific dictator hell bent on destroying his own Kingdom. This is just an hour or so after, “We should tell Ironwood!” and the happy-go-lucky ‘We trust him now’ moment. Even less time after Ruby stared up at him in awe with, “He’s doing it.” They had reason to trust him before they even made it to Atlas. They were given even more reasons in the form of Ironwood sharing his secrets, early licenses, and being allowed to work on the tower. They then still waited until Ironwood was doing everything they wanted before giving him some of that trust back... but the moment he stops doing precisely what they want---we want to keep evacuating Mantle---he’s deemed suspicious again. 

I mean seriously, is the group that dense? Are they incapable of thinking to themselves, “Wow, something must have happened if Ironwood is recalling us before evacuations are complete,” which is precisely the case. The scene tries to frame it as “Group Good” and “Ace Ops Blinding Obeying Orders Bad” but that aspect doesn’t even come into play. There’s nothing blind about it. It simply takes two seconds of critical thinking skills to realize that something really awful must have happened back at the Academy that trumps what you’re doing in Mantle. This is what I mean by the writing being biased. Before we even reach the fight in Ironwood’s office it’s trying to paint him as potentially cruel, potentially suspicious, potentially abandoning his people, look how worried our heroes are about this secret decision he’s made... when all that requires ignoring some really basic deduction in order to reach those assumptions. Remember that intelligence is a plot device in RWBY. If they want Ironwood forced to spill his secrets, he’ll randomly start talking about them in front of his enemies. If they want Ironwood painted as the villain, the group will randomly be incapable of realizing that maybe, just maybe, something went wrong on the home front and you’re needed there.

Things just get so much worse from then on. The group splits with JNR going off to find Oscar and, admittedly, I was shocked we got that at all. I mean yeah, it’s setup for the final reveal at the end of the episode, but the fact that anyone remembered Oscar was missing---let alone happily went off to find him---was still a surprise. So only Team RWBY heads back to Ironwood’s office where they find him (rightfully) panicking over the queen on his desk. Weiss tries to baby him, acting like he’s freaking out over nothing, when all these characters should recall precisely what Ironwood himself points out: the last time we saw this symbol it was a message that Beacon had fallen. He’s not paranoid here. He’s entirely justified in his panic. Ironwood likewise points out that they may have been duped into bringing thousands of people into Atlas as easy targets and Vine agrees, setting up that the Ace Ops are on Team Ironwood throughout the course of this conversation. Not out of blind loyalty, but because he’s right. That is a concern. That may be the plan. We do need to try and do something about that. Team RWBY, however, isn’t convinced.

That is, until Ruby realizes that the chess piece is made of black glass. Which means Cinder left it. Normally I’d congratulate her on that deduction---it is the one smart move we see Ruby pull this whole episode---but I just hate what follows. Namely that Ruby and Ruby alone controls her team’s opinions on a situation. Again. We saw it back in the snow, then again when Blake announced in the elevator that they’d do whatever she wanted. Team RWBY is the one who blindly follows their leader, not the Ace Ops, the only exception being Blake and Yang going rogue in regards to Robyn, but we see that hive-mind mindset here again. Ironwood brings up a good point? Nothing. Ace Ops support that point with more logic? Nothing. Ruby supports it? Oh, suddenly Weiss and Blake are taking this seriously. Suddenly Yang is fired up and ready to do whatever is necessary. Ruby controls the room. It’s only when she’s on board that her teammates decide this is worth getting riled up about.

Which, as I’ve said before, is a horrible way to write a diverse group. Especially when the writing is trying to paint the Ace Ops as mindless soldiers. For all their claims that they just have to follow orders, they’re the only ones parsing through this situation and coming to their own conclusions. It’s just that their conclusions do end up aligning with Ironwood’s which is the “bad” take in this scene. Team RWBY, however, waits until their leader makes a decision and then simply rides her cloak tails. The day that Blake, Yang, or Weiss legitimately disagree with Ruby---not a token “Are you sure we should keep secrets from Ironwood? We’re not actually challenging this. Just checking in”---is the day the writing will disagree with her. AKA, no time soon.

Blake tries to give some bland reassurance about them all being with Ironwood to which he responds, “Are you with me? How did Robyn know about the global communications tower?” Thank you! Thank you for giving us Ironwood’s characterization back and acknowledging that he has no reason to buy their generic ‘Got your back’ statements when everything they’ve done this volume has proven otherwise. They don’t support Ironwood, only themselves and their own teams. The minute he does something they don’t like he’s chucked under the bus. Too bad the writing doesn’t acknowledge any of this and instead continually paints the group as being justified in their decisions. It’s that hypocrisy again. When the group yells at Ozpin for keeping secrets we’re supposed to be on their side. When the Ace Ops yell at the group for keeping secrets we’re... still supposed to be on their side.

Weiss tries to diffuse the situation with “None of this matters right now!” which is real rich when they were just complaining about Ironwood not telling them why they were called back. They get to worry over that, but Ironwood isn’t allowed to worry about them outright betraying him? “Loyalty always matters!” he shouts back and he’s right. Why should Ironwood trust them to have his back in this crucial moment when they’ve never had it before? I’m already seeing more of this hypocrisy among the fandom. When Ozpin kept secrets and told lies the group was given a whole volume to be pissed about that and fans still, to this very day, insist that it hasn’t been enough time for them to get over it, to regain even a portion of that trust. But now that Ironwood has been lied to and betrayed in the same manner? People are annoyed that he’s not just shrugging it off. How dare you not get over in thirty seconds what our heroes got weeks to work through. His inability to just suck it up, as it were, is used to make him seem irrational here. I don’t see anyone, characters or fans alike, acknowledging that his anger is as righteous as the group’s was out in the snow. That there is the disconnect.

Of course, something has to break the tension. Drawn by all the fury and fear, a grimm pops out of Watts’ bag. A fail-safe for if he was defeated and captured. Salem immediately takes control of the grimm and kills it, using its form to appear before them. She reveals that it doesn’t matter that her men were captured. They were just there to “set the stage,” which they’ve done. Still doesn’t explain the random Penny side plot to my mind (seriously, why did the story bother to resurrect her when she has done nothing plot-wise or emotionally?), but whatever. Much more importantly, the stage is set for Salem herself. She’s approaching with the grimm army we saw her amassing which is... iffy.

First off, why? Why after a thousand years has she suddenly changed her MO from keeping to the sidelines to a full-on attack? Again, what’s the catalyst for that massive change? We don’t know. Meanwhile, from a writing perspective, I’m hesitant about having our Big Bad thrown into the mix before the finale. We know there are plenty of volumes left in this series, which automatically undermines any battle they might have with Salem. Will they win?? Of course not! Because RWBY isn’t over yet. Granted, this could all just be a ruse of some sort. Maybe Salem just wants them to think she’s approaching with an army, which would be much more up her alley in terms of long-distance manipulation. But if not... seriously, what’s the point of that?

Here’s hoping it’s a bluff.

Speaking of manipulation, we get a fantastically creepy moment where Salem tells Ironwood to “simply accept the futility of your situation” while smiling like a kind mother. That’s the Salem who is truly dangerous. Ironwood reaffirms that he won’t give up the relics and Ruby pips up with, “We don’t have to kill you to stop you.”

Hey wait. I’m gonna give you all another graphic.

This is Ozpin’s stance! This is his plan! His version of hope! We spent all of Volume Six having the cast beat on him for, “Omg Salem is immortal?!” and with the exception of Nora’s comment, no discussion of this in Volume Seven... but now suddenly Ruby is making this announcement? The group came to this revelation sometime off screen which we a) don’t get to see and b) once again created no scenario in the form of, “Wow! Ozpin was right all along! Maybe we should go talk to him...”

I’m just... wow. The number of times the writing takes what the group and the adults do, the exact same perspectives and decisions, and twists it so that the group comes out looking like heroes and the adults look like misguided, unhinged fools who need to be put in their place... I’m really over it at this point. And by extension the group themselves. Their characterizations have been so badly mangled at this point I legitimately don’t like them as people. I don’t care if they say they want to protect Mantle, or if they say they’ll support Ironwood, or if they say they’re unsure about their choices. All their actions claim otherwise.

Rather than grappling with the huge revelation that the group is apparently no longer obsessed with Salem’s immortality (or rather that Ruby isn’t. The rest of the group doesn’t actually matter. As established, they sync up with her beliefs the second she announces them), we return to Summer Rose. Salem goes, “Your mother said those words to me” and Ruby... loses it? What? I would have been 100% on board with this if we’d gotten it last Volume because then we saw Ruby losing her cool periodically. The smashed alcohol bottles. Chucking her scroll. Screaming at Qrow. That was all building to something. But then we had a year and roughly twelve episodes of normality. Ruby jumps into her fight with Cordovin and has been fine ever since. Hell, she’s been bubbly and confident, goofing off with Penny in one episode, then giving strong orders to her team in another. The one time we see her falter was in her conversation with Qrow and he reassured her completely that she was both doing the right thing and in no way comparable to Ozpin. Now, suddenly, one line from Salem and Ruby collapses? Full on incapacitated? I could buy the crying while still standing strong, I could buy a collapse if we’d kept her characterization going from Volume Six, but this kind of reaction in this context just felt so extreme. Doesn’t help that I really wasn’t sold on the voice acting here. Those cries sound less like devastated sobs and more like weird hiccups. Not to rag on Lindsay. On the whole I think she does a really excellent job as Ruby, it’s just this particular moment didn’t read right to me. I didn’t feel Ruby’s supposed grief here.

So that was... a lot for one line from Salem in a volume of otherwise confident and cool-headed Ruby. We also don’t see it amounting to anything, as per usual with RWBY’s writing. Ruby isn’t out of commission for the rest of the conversation or anything. She pops right back up after a second in Yang’s lap, just as confident and go-getting as before. There was no lead up to this and there are no consequences for the breakdown. Rooster Teeth honestly seems to think they can just chuck random things into the story---Ruby needs to show emotion at some point!---and then just leave it at that, entirely disconnected from everything else around it. Would we have known that Ruby just had her first breakdown of the series a minute later while once again betraying Ironwood? Nope.

Finally, this scene shows us again that the Argus battle was a bunch of nonsense. Ruby’s eyes nearly activate when she’s grieving for her mother, imagining---or perhaps seeing via Salem?---a sad Summer, not a smiling one. Just like her eyes activated while seeing Pyrrha die. Just like they activated when Blake was nearly killed by the Apathy. They activate now while thinking about her mother’s death. The montage of happy moments in lieu of the sad ones not working last volume was entirely out of place.

Salem finally leaves. Now everyone is panicking about this army. Elm points out that they’ll know if anything approaches. Vine checks and realizes that Watts took out their perimeter. Either that or Salem has already destroyed everyone and everything out there. It’s impossible to know. During all this Blake asks if the Amity tower is actually finished and we get more nonsense about how Ironwood is evil for telling a lie, but the group is always justified in telling theirs. The writing really tried to compare Ironwood telling Mantle---who I guarantee 100% does not care about whether a communications tower is finished while they’re getting attacked by grimm---a lie to lure out one of their biggest threats to Blake and Yang going behind Ironwood’s back to tell a potentially non-trustworthy outlaw about said tower, risking that the information would fall into the wrong hands and doom the project before it could be completed either way. Those are not in any way comparable situations, yet the writing really has Weiss going, “General Ironwood?” in a ‘How could you betray us like that?’ tone while Yang continues to look pissed.

And as if they didn’t know! How is this a personal betrayal? They were all helping to build that tower. Surely they’d know it it was that close to being done. Again, critical thinking skills, people. Anyone with two brain cells and their insider information should have looked at Ironwood’s announcement and gone, “Oh, that must be a bluff. Just a few days ago we were arguing about whether to continue taking resources from Mantle. No way is Amity ready. He’s going after Watts. Who is indeed the much bigger threat. Considering that he has control over the entirety of our technology and there’s literally no downside to telling Mantle about a finished tower when they’re getting devoured by grimm.” This is another, “But lying is wrong!” in the face of “But lying kept us alive...?” 

Does everyone get what I’m saying here? How RWBY takes these situations and tries to paint them in an absolutely ridiculous light, expecting the audience to blindly accept this perspective despite everything else they’ve seen for themselves? Like, two episodes ago? I swear I’ve never encountered writing that treats its audience this badly. Scene after scene relies heavily on the viewer having no ability to think for themselves. Just accept that Ironwood is a horrible person for lying about the tower even though there are no repercussions for that and we JUST watched him defeating Watts as a result. Like, five minutes ago. That just happened. In this episode. 

Ironwood then drops the bomb that Winter has gone off to claim the Maiden power. Interesting development. I wonder what that means exactly. Is she just going to lock herself away until the Maiden dies naturally? Do they have her on some sort of life support and is there an agreement to pull the plug if necessary? Are they going to use a machine similar to the one Pyrrha was in and try to force the change early? Or is this just a misleading comment and Winter is merely off to protect the Maiden, no intention of taking the power now? Who knows. We’ll have to wait until next episode to find out.

Ironwood likewise announces that the staff and the lamp need to be locked away now that they’re compromised, even though they’ve been compromised since they first saw Tyrian in Mantle. Insert another [this scenario is so stupid and contrived] explanation here. It’s made worse by Ruby’s childish “You said we could keep it.” Excuse me? What, did you think the lamp was your personal property now forever and always? Is Ruby really sitting there arguing that something Ironwood told her weeks ago trumps the obvious logic of putting the relic where it’s somewhere safe? That’s the characterization we’re going for, a leader who cares more about, ‘But you said we could have it!’ over the fate of the world? What even is this? The fact that Ironwood has to explain to them that the situation has changed just reinforces the group’s overall attitude. That is, one of arrogance and importance. They literally need to be told why putting the relic in a nearly impenetrable vault is better than letting them have it just because they want it. Plus, you know, they lied about the lamp from the start. So there’s that too.

Finally, Ironwood reveals that Amity was originally a plan of Ozpin’s but he didn’t push it far enough. Instead, he intends to use the staff to lift all of Atlas instead, hopefully taking two relics and a Maiden far out of Salem’s reach. Ruby wants to use the tower for its designed purpose instead, which is only a valid option in her mind because the writing was stupid last week. If there had actually been any logic there---if people had been allowed to react naturally and in a variety of ways to the Salem announcement, rather than a super convenient “Yeah! Let’s all work together!” across an entire, panicking city---she wouldn’t be quite so eager to tell the whole world. But we all know at this point that logic bends to the protagonists’ whims, so Ruby wants that same perfect ending across all of Remnant. She stands her ground, as does her team. Obviously.

Meanwhile, the Ace Ops aren’t just following Ironwood’s orders like the writing wants us to think via Harriet’s earlier comment. Rather, they’re each thinking through the situation for themselves and making very good points. If Salem has taken out our perimeter than we know our tech and people don’t stand a chance against this army. We just finished up the fight in Mantle and none of us are in a position to start another. Notably, Harriet brings this up, the one whose aura took a massive hit while nearly getting crushed underfoot. Vine points out that sometimes you have to lose a battle to win the war, but Team RWBY, to be blunt, simply doesn’t care.

I’ll be blunt myself here too: I don’t have an easy solution to this particular scenario. I don’t know what the “right” or the “wrong” choice is. Weighing starting a fight with VERY high stakes you’ll lose against abandoning the people of Mantle is just a straight up horrific decision. Like so much of what Ozpin faced, there is no clear-cut, good answer here. Do you stand by the people and risk the world, or work to save the world and doom the people? I don’t know and I do commend Rooster Teeth for writing a difficult choice... just not in giving each side the weight it deserves. Because as said, we’re meant to root for Team RWBY, always. Theirs is presented as the “right” choice every time, despite the fact that, as established, this is far from a black and white decision.

What frustrates me the most is when faced with all of these logical and very important considerations (we might not have backup, we’re in no position to fight, if Salem gets the relics and another Maiden the world is screwed) the group won’t even acknowledge these things. They’re so set in their own perspective they won’t even give these HUGE concerns the time of day. Rather, Yang shoots back, “You can’t just back down from a fight!”

That’s it. That’s the group’s problem in a single line.

This is what got Pyrrha killed.

It’s something the group should remember. She also insisted on fighting when she should have retreated and, since this was back during the days when characters actually faced consequences for their actions, it cost Pyrrha her life. Granted, going after Cinder was a truly useless endeavor. Pyrrha achieved nothing with her sacrifice. Here, Team RWBY hopes to save the people of Mantle, adding a clear justification for their insistence on fighting... but this is nevertheless indicative of that larger “punch it until it stops moving” mindset. It’s not that they decide to fight instead of retreating that’s the problem, it’s that to their mind fighting is the only option. Ever. This is what led to them attacking Cordovin and destroying Argus’ mech, drawing a massive grimm in the process. When faced with the option of backing down, Team RWBY doesn’t consider that an option at all. Which is heroic when up against an actual enemy, far less so when you’re facing an ally and the choice to fight has serious repercussions attached to it. Hell, the group doesn’t even consider compromises. They could have easily acknowledged that collecting the relics, the Maiden, and getting the staff to work on Atlas will take time. You do that while we focus on evacuating the rest of Mantle to the city. But no, even the concept of a compromise simply isn’t possible. You just always fight. Straight up. Anyone who suggests anything less isn’t a true huntsmen. “We’re loyal to the people!” Ruby shouts, as if “the people” doesn’t also include the rest of the world that Ironwood is trying to save and that they’re endangering by keeping the relics and Maiden within Salem’s reach. 

That is one messed up perspective to tout in a story infused with the complex and the morally gray.

The real kicker though? Ruby’s ‘My way or the highway’ attitude obliterates a solution that fell straight into her lap. Jaune calls and says straight out that they have another situation. If Ruby had listened to her teammate for just three seconds they all would have learned about Oscar, thereby undermining Ironwood’s plan. He can’t keep the lamp safe if he doesn’t know where it is. You look for it while, again, we evacuate Mantle. Then we take everything out of Salem’s reach. Win-win. Instead, Ruby blasts her way through the situation. Literally, dodging Ironwood and hiding behind his desk shouting a highly bias version of his plan in the hopes of getting everyone on her side. And it works. 

Because those like Clover don’t get to hear any of that context. Like how the perimeter is gone, there’s an army potentially coming, no one is in a position to fight, we’ve already lost a relic... they just here a Ruby’s version of events that paints Ironwood as the callous man Robyn thought he was---oh my god he’s abandoning Mantle for no good reason!---and people will react accordingly. Ruby likewise doesn’t care that shouting such information over all channels does things like, say, clue Tyrian into their plan. She just wants to do things her way, right now. Pausing to think (because thinking isn’t fighting) simply doesn’t happen.

I used to adore Ruby as a hero. Someone who was intrinsically good, hopeful, and wickedly clever in her ability to come out on top. Now she’s stubborn, arrogant, at times cruel, and charges in headfirst like her sister, refusing to consider any perspective other than her own. And her team endlessly supports that. The writing endlessly supports that. This isn’t our hero working through her flaws, but rather a flawed character that the writing refuses to acknowledge is flawed. When Ruby flies behind Ironwood’s desk the music rises triumphantly, just like it did when she attacked Cordovin’s mech. When Ironwood announces that they’re under arrest, Ruby spits back, “We won’t just let you take us” and we’re supposed to cheer.

Which brings us back to the question of whether the group really faced consequences here. Let me give you all a random, non-RWBY example of two scenes. Scenario One:

Parent: You punched her?

Teen: She insulted me!

Parent: I understand that, but that doesn’t mean you were justified in attacking her.

Teen: Oh, I was.

Parent: Maybe you were, maybe you weren’t, but you can’t solve all your problems that way.

Teen: I... I know that, okay. Back off. I just get so angry...

Parent: I know. We’re going to work on that. You’re grounded this weekend. We can discuss this more then.

Teen: [sighs] Fine.

vs. Scenario Two:

Parent: You punched her?

Teen: She insulted me!

Parent: I understand that, but that doesn’t mean you were justified in attacking her.

Teen: Oh, I was.

Parent: Maybe you were, maybe you weren’t, but you can’t solve all your problems that way.

Teen: Screw you! It worked didn’t it? I think a good punch goes a long way.

Parent: That’s not... okay look. You’re grounded this weekend so---

Teen: Like hell I am. [Proceeds to run off]

Teen: [Later to friend] ---and then she tried to ground me? Can you believe that?

Friend: Holy shit what an asshole.

If we put aside my own iffy dialogue for the moment, Scenario One acknowledges the complexity of the situation while likewise pointing out that the teen didn’t handle herself well. RWBY has achieved that here: the ethics of this scenario are acknowledged as complicated, but the group did things they shouldn’t have, as evidence by Ironwood’s anger and the Ace Ops’ criticism. However, Scenario One goes on to let the teen acknowledge that mistake, thereby validating it in the first place. A consequence is set, grounding, and they accept that, thereby further validating that their behavior needs work. They accept the consequence because both they and the writing acknowledge that the consequence is deserved. It takes what was previously two subjective stances---they say I’m wrong, I say I’m right---and encourages the audience to find the middle ground. Neither was totally wrong or right. The teen might be justified in some respects, but still made mistakes in others. She needs to improve. 

RWBY, however, steers firmly into Scenario Two wherein the teen (Team RWBY) insists points blank that they never made mistakes in the first place, thereby encouraging the audience to question whether Ironwood and the Ace Ops (the parent) is right to be calling them out at all. We see no humility or guilt, only confidence. Ruby shouting “No!” at Cordovin when she’s told to surrender. Yang keeping silent after admitting that she and Blake told Robyn, not bothering to apologize or admit that this might have been a breech of trust. They challenge the validity of the claim that mistakes were made and by virtue of being protagonists encourage the audience to challenge it too. Finally, we see them reject the consequence because they will not admit that it’s deserved. The teen will not accept a grounding. Ruby: “We won’t just let you take us.” We’re then told by others that this rejection was warranted. The friend reinforces the view that the teen was right to run because that punishment is undeserved. The message is, “You never did anything wrong in the first place.” The plot of RWBY likewise reinforces the view that resisting Cordovin’s arrest was right by having her randomly let the group go. The consequence is replaced with a reward and, presumably, we’ll have a similar situation wherein the group either defeats the Ace Ops or is released by them. The consequences never take hold because the writing doesn’t think there should be consequences in the first place. Team RWBY isn’t going to be arrested here. They’re certainly not acknowledging that on some level they deserve to be. We didn’t see that humility while they were cuffed on the airship---that most basic acknowledgement of, “Did we make some mistakes? Could we have done something better? Is Ironwood right to be this mad?”---and there’s none of it now here, either. The tone is pure, “How dare you try and arrest us? We’re the good guys here!” 

This remains as pro-protagonist as it has been the last two volumes. There are no consequences, only another hurdle for the group to overcome, painted as heroes for doing so. It’s Team RWBY vs. The Ace Ops and there’s no confusion about who we’re supposed to be rooting for. The Ace Ops because the group should rightly be stopped from hindering Ironwood’s attempts to keep the relics and a Maiden out of Salem’s hands, for their own lies and secret keeping that endangered them all this volume? Nope. It’s Team RWBY as the presumed heroes, facing off against soldiers who (supposedly) prioritize orders over what’s “right.” 

And yeah, Oscar is gone. There are a number of dismantled robots and blaster fire in the room where Neo presumably took him. So unless they do a flashback we don’t get to see if/how Ozpin reacted to this initial attack. I hope they do provide a flashback because otherwise that’s another crucial scene of Oscar’s that happened off screen...

Can’t wait to see what else we’ll end up with next week! Until then, 💜

[colbybrocksmolder]

Blue - Colby Brock x Reader - Part 1/3

I just want to start this out by saying that there’s mention of a past shitty relationship in this. Nothing is described in detail and it’s not crazy, but I figured I’d mention it just in case someone didn’t want to read this one. Also, I know that Colby’s apartment is the single bedroom version, but I wrote it more like Sam’s apartment. 2 bedrooms. Other than that, enjoy.

-----------------------------------------

“Yo, Mike!” Colby called, walking into Sam’s apartment. The weekly pizza party was well underway, as Colby searched through half empty boxes for a slice of pizza that didn’t have any vegetables on it.

“What’s up?” Mike called back, over the noise of the multiple conversations all happening at once in the living room.

“Dude, do you remember that artist I sent you a few months back? The girl that does super chill covers of like og emo songs?” Colby asked him, walking towards the couch.

“Yeah, yeah. You sent me the Taking Back Sunday cover, right?” Mike answered.

“Brother! She just covered one of your songs.” Colby said, tossing Mike his phone.

“No fucking way.” Mike said, putting the phone speaker close to his ear trying to hear it. “It’s too fucking loud in here”, he grumbled, hopping over the back of the couch and walking into Sam’s filming room.

Colby followed, closing the door behind him. “Start it over! I haven’t listened to it yet.”

Mike turned the volume all the way up and set the phone down in front of the both of them. The piano started a few seconds before the lyrics to “Bottles” beautifully flowed from her mouth.

“This is unreal.” Mike said, pointing to his arm. “I have goosebumps, dude.”

“Her voice gets me every time.” Colby added, shoving his pizza into his mouth.

Suddenly the filming room door swung open, Sam walking in. “Please don’t tell me you’re trying to stay here overnight again.” Sam whined, laughing.

“SSSSSHHHHHHHHHH” was the response he got, both Mike and Colby urging him to shut up.

“Jeez.” Sam threw his hands up in defense, walking over to see what they were doing. “Whoa, is this y/n?” Sam asked Colby.

“Covering my song.” Mike said, continuing to stare at the screen.

Slowly a few curious others in the group made their way into the small room. “Who was that?” Kat asked, having heard the last half of the song.

Colby turned around, seeing everyone standing behind him. “Holy shit!” he jumped, laughing. “I didn’t know anyone else was in here.”

“Her name is Y/n. She’s this cover artist that Colby has been listening to for like 3 years. She posts her own songs too, but she’s known for doing covers of songs that aren’t really ‘pretty’ songs and turning them into…well what you just heard.” Sam explained.

“She’s got a beautiful voice.” Kat replied, leaning down to look at the phone. “The video has over 200k views, too. That’s good exposure for you, Mike.”

“No way.” Colby grabbed his phone. “I got the video notification less than an hour ago.”

“This is nuts.” Mike said, grabbing his own phone.

Looking underneath the video title, Colby read the description to himself. “Dude, dude, dude. Listen to this.” he said, reading the description out loud. “Hey everyone! Today’s cover means a lot to me. For those of you that follow my blog, you know that I’ve been struggling to feel motivated to continue posting videos. Lately it feels like so many artists just want to drag other artists. There’s a lot of negativity and judgement and honestly, it just feels shallow and fake.”

“Preach, girl.” Kat half mumbled.

Colby laughed, continuing. “Over the last month or so, I’ve been fortunate enough to have found quite a few new artists that have inspired me to continue pushing the genre boundaries. Mike’s Dead is one of those artists.” Colby paused to slap Mike on the shoulder before continuing. “He posts what he wants to post and it’s so refreshing to see someone that doesn’t really care if you like it or not. It doesn’t matter if you fit in a cookie cutter mold. It doesn’t matter if you like sad songs or gospel songs or rap songs. It doesn’t matter if you wear short skirts or baggy t shirts or too much eye liner. If you want to create, create. The world needs more people creating and less people tearing others down. Thank you, Mike. You’ll probably never see this, but if you do, I hope you enjoy it. -Love, Y/n. #DeadArmy”

“Damn, son.” Kevin yelled, “My boy out here reachin’ people!” He threw his arms around Mike, jumping up and down.

“I don’t even know what to do.” Mike said, falling back on the couch. “Do I dm her? Do I tweet out the cover? Do I ask her to marry me?” he laughed.

“Damnit, you’re taller than me AND you make music. There go my chances with her.” Colby laughed.

“I’m gonna tweet this out. Do you know her twitter handle?” Mike asked.

“Yeah, yeah. Right here.” Colby pointed to her social media list in her description.

“How does this sound?” Mike said, reading his tweet. “I’m speechless. @ColbyBrock just showed me the most breathtaking cover of one of my songs posted by @y/n. I literally have no words. *link* Everyone go show this girl all the love!”

“Go for it, dude. I’ll retweet it.” Colby replied. Everyone else in the room grabbed their phones to do the same. Colby hit the retweet button, adding his own message. “I’ve been listening to this girl for a few years now and it’s CRAZY to see her cover one of my friend’s songs. She has the most beautiful voice I’ve ever heard. Everybody check the video out and fill the comment section with love!”

Everybody made sure to follow her twitter and sub to her channel.

Mike scrolled through the responses he got to his tweet. “Someone just replied asking if this was why my subscribers went up so quickly.”

“Check your live count.” Sam said, writing out his own retweet. “Living with @ColbyBrock I’ve definitely heard all of this girl’s covers at least a hundred times. You are going to be blown away by what she did with Mike’s song. Go listen!”

“Holy shit, my subs have doubled.” Mike said, throwing his phone to Colby. “I don’t know what’s going on. Someone tell me we have alcohol in this apartment.”

“Next door, brother. My place, above the dishwasher. Grab whatever.” Colby replied, watching Mike’s live sub count continue to grow.

The next morning, Colby woke up to a follow notification and a dm from y/n. “Hey! Omg! Thank you so much for passing my cover on to Mike. And thank you for saying such kind things. I woke up to THOUSANDS of comments from your fans and all of them were lovely.”

“Holy shit”, Colby swore, sitting up in his bed. He looked through his notifications and saw a few texts from Mike, as well, from over an hour ago.

Mike – Dude

Mike – Brother

Mike – She messaged me

Mike – I asked her if she would ever be interested in recording together

Colby – She dm’d me too. I just woke up so I haven’t messaged her back yet. Did she answer you???

Colby started writing out his response to y/n. “You are so welcome! We were both blown away by the cover. You did an amazing job. I’m trying so hard not to fanboy right now, haha. I’m happy to hear that the Sam and Colby fans have been kind to you. I’d like to think we have the best fans ever.”

He quickly saw the little typing bubble pup up. “Haha, you don’t seem like the type to fanboy. And yes, I didn’t see a single mean comment.”

*incoming call – Dead Boy*

Colby picked up the phone “Miiiiiiiike!”

Mike laughed, “Holy shit. I just got off of FaceTime with Y/n.”

“WHAT?!” Colby’s voice cracked.

“Dude, she’s so cool. She seems totally down to come to LA.” Mike laughed at Colby’s reaction.

“This is crazy.” Colby said, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “When is she going to visit?”

“She said she just needs to figure out where to stay.” Mike explained. “She wants to come down for like a month so we can write and she can work with a few other people. She talked to Kat too!”

“Did you tell her she could easily stay with one of us? We’ve got a few open rooms between our little group.” Colby asked.

“Of course, but she kept saying she couldn’t impose on us like that.” Mike replied. “I told her she wouldn’t be, but she insisted.”

“She wouldn’t be at all!” Colby agreed. “Dude, we have friends crash with us all the time!”

“I know, I know. I didn’t want to push it, though. Maybe she is just uncomfortable not having her own space.” Mike suggested.

“Maybe”, Colby replied. “Well keep me in the loop, man. This still seems so crazy.” He laughed.

“Of course, dude. I’ll catch you later.”

After saying their goodbyes, Colby reopened Y/n’s dm and started typing. “Believe me, Y/n, I have my fanboy moments, haha.”

He added another message before she could reply. “I just got off the phone with Mike! I’m stoked to hear you’re going to try to visit! I just wanted to make sure you know that you’re more than welcome to stay with one of us. I’ve got a whole spare bedroom set up and so does Kat. And there’s always room at Mike’s place, too. I totally get it if you’re just not comfortable because you don’t know us, but I wanted to let you know you wouldn’t be imposing on anyone. Promise.”

“Maybe I’ll get to witness one of these ‘fanboy’ moments myself, Brock.” Y/n replied. “And omg no! It’s not that I don’t trust you guys. Honestly, I’m excited to meet your whole group of friends. You guys seem so chill. I just won’t be traveling alone.”

Colby cocked his head a bit reading the last dm. “Oooh, are you visiting with your boyfriend or something?” He replied, mumbling “figures” to himself.

“LOL, that’s a big no.” she quickly replied.

“Thank god.” Colby said out loud, seeing the typing bubble pop back up.

“I have never posted this online, but I have a 2 and a half year-old daughter. Her dad will never be in our lives again for multiple reasons.” She wrote. “I couldn’t ask anyone to host both of us for that long. Being a single parent is work and I don’t want to interrupt someone else’s life that drastically.”

Colby’s eyes widened. “Whooaaa”, he said out loud, re-reading her last dm. After thinking about it for a few minutes, he still couldn’t really come up with any reasons why they couldn’t stay with him. He actually likes kids and kids tend to like him. “Damn, praise to you for doing it alone. I can’t imagine how much work it takes.” Colby typed back.

“Thanks, lol. It’s definitely work, but once you actually become a parent it’s just…worth it. Her name is Ivy and she’s my everything.” Y/n typed back.

Taking a deep breath, Colby started typing. “First, what a cute name. Second, at the risk of me sounding pushy, I’m going to offer you my spare bedroom again. I swear on my YouTube channel you won’t be imposing at all. I have this place to myself and I love kids. There could be toys and other kid stuff strewn all over the apartment and I promise, it’d be fine. You don’t have to decide now, but just think about it okay?”

Colby didn’t get a message back for a solid 5 minutes and he started to worry that he had overstepped. He let out a huge sigh of relief when he finally got her reply. “The kindness and hospitality you guys have already shown me has blown me away. I promise I’ll consider it. And thank you for going out of your way to make me feel welcome. I am very much looking forward to meeting you. <3”

“I’m glad to hear it. And ditto. I can’t wait to finally meet you. Honestly, y/n, your music is my go-to when I need to get out of my own head.” He replied.  “I have to go shower and get ready to film a video. Let me know what you decide!”

“Will do, Brock. <3.”

Over the next few weeks plans were made, friendships grew, late night talks were had….and finally, the day everyone had been waiting for was just around the corner.

“Okay, I’m in. As long as you’re sure you’re okay living with my crazy little girl for a while, I’ll start my road trip to LA this weekend.” Y/n said into the phone, watching her daughter eat an apple pancake while watching one of her favorite movies.

“Yessss” she heard Colby cheer into phone. “Have you talked to Mike and Kat yet?”

“Yeah, they know I’m heading down soon.” She replied. “Honestly, this couldn’t have come at a better time. I need a new adventure and I think we could both use some California sunshine.”

“Well, California is waiting for you. I know you’re driving here so you can bring whatever you need for Ivy but let me know if you need me to pick anything up.” He told her. “I made you a set of keys, I’ve removed anything dangerous from the bottom half of my apartment, I got those little clear plug things to make sure the outlets are safe, there’s a baby gate on the stairs….” Colby started rambling. He had been doing everything he could to baby proof his place.

“Colby!” Y/n laughed, interrupting his run-on sentence. “You are too good to me. I promise your place is fine as-is. Ivy has grown up around all of my recording equipment and she’s never once gotten hurt. If there’s anything I’m worried about, I promise I’ll tell you.”

“Sorry.” Colby laughed. “I think I’m just excited to meet both of you.”

Ivy squealed, laughing at her favorite part in the movie. “Well we’re both excited to meet you, too.”

Colby, Sam, Kat and Mike were all hanging out in Colby’s apartment, waiting for Y/n to arrive. Colby had just gotten a text from her saying she was getting off of the freeway.

“She’s only like 5 minutes away so I’m going to meet her down where I told her to park.” Colby said, slipping on his Vans.

“We probably shouldn’t all meet her down there, right?” Sam asked. “If I rolled up to a new place and a mob of people greeted me at my car door, I may not want to get out”, he laughed.

“She also doesn’t know we’re here.” Mike chuckled.

“I’ll go down alone and then I can text you guys to come down and help bring her stuff up. Does that work?” Colby asked, headed to his door.

“Sounds like a plan.” Kat replied. When Colby left the apartment, she turned to the two other boys. “He seem off to either of you?”

“He’s nervous.” Sam smiled, knowing Colby better than anyone else on the planet.

“He hasn’t talked about anything but y/n since she posted that cover.” Mike added. “I thought I was hella excited about this, but meeting her is a whole other thing to him.”

“Her music means a lot to him.” Sam explained. “Yeah, her covers are what she’s known for, but he loves her original stuff. When we lived together, I could always tell when Colby was anxious because I’d hear her music coming from his room.”

“Aww, that’s actually super sweet.” Kat gushed.

Downstairs, Colby was watching the gate. He knew she drove a black SUV and that she would pull in any minute. Finally spotting her, he waved her in and pointed towards the spot where she could park.

Climbing out of the driver’s seat, Y/n opened the back driver’s side door to check on Ivy. “Colby?” she called, peeking around the back.

“I’m here!” he laughed, walking towards Y/n with his arms open. “I’m glad you guys made it safe.” He said, pulling her into a long-awaited hug.

“Same.” She replied, wrapping her arms around him. “California drivers are crazy.” She chuckled.

“That is a fact.” He replied, looking into the car to see Ivy asleep in her car-seat. “She is freaken adorable.”

“Thanks.” Y/n smiled up at him. “She just fell asleep, too. I’m going to try not to wake her up.”

“Mike, Kat, and Sam are upstairs. I’ll text them to come down and help grab stuff. We can probably make it in one trip.” Colby said, texting Sam and telling them to head down. He sent another message saying that Ivy was asleep and that they shouldn’t yell.

“Oh, my god. I get to meet so many of you right away.” y/n said, unbuckling Ivy.

“We’re all a little excited.” Colby laughed. “Where is her playpen so I can grab that first. Then she’ll have a place to nap.”

“It’s that red thing right there”, she pointed, pulling Ivy to rest against her chest.

“Is it easy to set up or should I hold the little one while you use mom witchery to put it together?” Colby said, laughing.

“Actually, you may be on to something there. If you’re sure you’re okay holding Ivy, I’ll hand you her and her bag and I’ll grab the important stuff out of the back.” Y/n answered, turning so It would be easier to pass off Ivy.

“Of course I’m okay holding her.” Colby said, rubbing her back before moving her from Y/n’s chest to his. He gently swayed, hoping to keep her asleep.

The rest of the group walked out of the elevator and straight towards the SUV. “Awwww, Sam. Look at him holding the little girl.” Kat quietly spoke to her boyfriend.

“Yeah, I can’t lie. That shit is cute as fuck.” Mike giggled, looking at Sam and Kat.

Y/n turned towards the laughter and saw the group. She let out a quiet squeal and ran towards them. “This feels unreal.” She said, hugging them each. “I feel like I’ve talked to you guys nonstop for weeks and now I’m here and it’s just…Oh, my god.”

“Well we are so happy you made the trip.” Kat said, pulling her into another hug.

Colby walked towards them, cradling Ivy against his chest. “I’m going to head up with her if that’s okay, y/n?” He was rubbing soothing circles into Ivy’s back. “A car honked and startled her awake, but I think I got her to fall back asleep.”

“Aww, you’re a natural.” y/n smiled at him, leaning in to press a kiss to her daughter’s temple. “I’ll let them know what else needs to be brought up and we’ll meet you up there in a minute.”

Colby walked towards the elevators and the rest of them walked towards the SUV.

“There’s not too much other than the bags to bring up. I decided it was easier to buy a few things new than to try to break them down, pack them, and rebuild them.” Y/n said, grabbing things out of the back.

“I don’t blame you.” Kat replied, grabbing one of the bags. “I’ll go with you to pick up what you need from the store.”

“Thank you! That’s perfect. I’m going to need to pick up coffee on the way, too.” Y/n said, walking back to the front of the car and grabbing her handbag.

“There’s a coffee shop on every corner, here. Caffeine is a way of life.” Sam said, making sure they had grabbed everything y/n needed out of the car.

“There’s actually a huge baby/kids store like 2 miles up the road.” Mike added, closing the hatch to the SUV. When he turned around, everyone was staring at him wondering why he knew that. “Oh. Yeah. I pranked Aryia while he was on keto by replacing everything in our fridge with baby food”, he laughed.

“That makes a lot more sense.” Sam nodded.

When the group finally made it up to Colby’s apartment, Sam led the way in. They tried to stay as quiet as possible. “Colby?” Y/n whispered, looking to ask where the best place to set up the playpen was.

“His spare room is this way.” Kat led the line of people carrying bags. “Lets just put all of your stuff in here and you can sort it when you aren’t afraid to make noise.”

The boys set the bags they were carrying by the closet and left to find Colby. When Kat and Y/n walked out of the spare room, they saw Sam and Mike both taking pictures of something on the couch.

“Tell me that isn’t the cutest thing you’ve ever seen in your life.” Mike turned to the girls, showing them one of the pictures.

Colby had taken Ivy upstairs and laid down on the couch, hoping to keep the little girl asleep while they waited for y/n. Ivy was laying on his chest, one of his hands resting on her back, and Colby had fallen asleep. The two of them peacefully napping, tucked into the corner of the couch.

“Send me that one.” Y/n said, smiling down at the scene in front of her. “I was going to write a blog post about her and this trip at some point tonight and that picture is perfect for it.”

“He didn’t sleep at all last night, so I’m not surprised he fell asleep.” Sam chuckled.

“Well, I vote we leave the boys here and we make that run to the store.” Kat said, linking arms with Y/n.

“I don’t want to leave you guys to take care of her, though.” Y/n said, explaining her worry. “If she wakes up and gets fussy or something, I don’t want you guys to have to deal with that.”

“Y/n, she’s going to be fine. I’ve snuggled against that chest. It’s hella comfortable. She isn’t going to wake up.” Mike joked.

Sam laughed, “Also, we’ve all babysat before. I’ve passed diaper duty training AND I’m a whiz with snacks.”

“We’ll be 5 minutes away, max.” Kat added.

“This is all too easy. You guys are too nice.” Y/n felt her eyes water a bit. “I am not used to anyone caring this much.” She tried to wipe the tears away before they fell.

“Well get used to it.” Kat said, wrapping her arms around y/n. “Our group of friends has kind of adopted you guys at this point and you haven’t even met everyone.”

“Seriously.” Mike said, standing up and pulling y/n into a hug. “We’re all happy to have you guys here.”

The shopping trip was a success and the girls were headed back to the apartment. Colby woke up to the feeling of something in his hair. Ivy was snuggled between Colby and the back of the couch, her tiny fingers running through his blue hair. Colby looked over at the other couch to see Sam asleep and Mike holding his phone out, recording him.

Colby turned his head to look at Ivy and her fingers stopped moving for a second. She looked at his hair and mumbled out the word “blue.”

Colby couldn’t help but chuckle. “You are correct. And so so cute”, he smiled at the little girl.

She then took her pointer finger and ever so gently, put it under one of Colby’s eyes. She smiled and squealed out a higher pitched “blue!”

“I see a reoccurring theme here, kiddo.” He laughed, turning his head when he heard the door open.

“It’s official. I caught the cutest thing in the world on camera.” Mike yelled, waking up Sam. He sent Y/n the video in a text. “How do you not constantly record her?”

“Oh, god. She’s going to leave California with her own YouTube channel, isn’t she?” Y/n laughed, her and Kat taking the purchases to the spare bedroom.

With the 5 adults MOSTLY helping, the spare room and the few things spread around the apartment came together fairly quickly. As the evening was winding down, plans were made for the following days. A trip to the slap house, A lunch with Kat so that she could meet the rest of the girls, and of course…where this whole journey started. Pizza night. Everyone wanted y/n to get settled before they locked themselves in creative mode and started writing and working on music.

Sam and Kat headed off to Sam’s apartment and after Mike finished making plans with y/n, he headed off as well.

Colby and Ivy were both sprawled out on the couch watching a movie while Y/n unpacked all of their clothes into the spare bedroom closet. He looked over at Ivy, laughing when he saw her yawn for the hundredth time. “You sleepy, kiddo?” Ivy shook her head no, her eyes going back to the Tv. Big Hero 6 playing for the third time since she had woken up from her nap. Hearing a knock on his door, Colby yelled for whoever it was to come in.

“Everyone already leave?” Jake asked, Tara following him into the apartment.

“You just missed Mike. Sam and Kat left a while ago.” Colby replied.

Jake saw Ivy peek over the arm of couch at him and Tara. “Well aren’t you the cutest thing in the world”, he said, walking towards the living room.

Ivy giggled and climbed over Colby, hiding between him and the back of the couch. “I don’t know how she’s still awake.” Colby laughed, slipping his arms around the squirmy little girl. “Ivy this is Jake and Tara.”

Ivy waved, saying a little “hi” before her attention fell back on the television screen, her head falling against Colby’s chest.

“Y/n’s just unpacking stuff in there.” Colby pointed towards the spare bedroom.

Tara grabbed Jake’s hand, pulling him to follow her into the open door of the spare room. After introductions, Tara stayed to help with the unpacking and Jake went back out to chill with Colby and Ivy.

“How’s it going so far?” Jake quietly asked, sitting on the coffee table facing Colby.

“Terrifyingly easy.” Colby answered, looking down and finding Ivy fast asleep.

“Well that’s a good thing, right?”, Jake said. “Y/n seems to fit right in. Her and Tara are bonding over SpongeBob memes as we speak.”

“That’s the terrifying part.” Colby said, gently brushing Ivy’s hair out of her face. “They’re here for a month. They’ve only been here for like 7 hours and I’m already sad that they’re going to leave.”

Jake watched Colby gazing down at the tiny sleeping figure in his arms. “I don’t know, brother. You’re usually a loner that likes his space. You might be happy when you’ve got your apartment back”, Jake laughed.

Colby just sighed. *what the fuck am I getting myself into?* he thought to himself....................

part 2

part 3

[fal-carrington]

If I’m not the one who is going to make you happy? Pt.4

Pairing: Kamilah x Mc x Priya

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3

Disclaimer: All the characters belongs to PB

Prompt: “I could not understand the reason for the sudden interest in me. Priya was from afar the most hedonistic person I had ever met. She awaken a wild side in me, a side that yearned for parties, uncomplicated sex nights, drinks, just fun. Something crazy drew me towards her, just the fact that she could kill me at any second just makes me wonder if I lost my mind.

Kamilah was different. Gorgeous, older. Always serious, cold. Almost untouchable. Just focused on work most of the time, I did not know if she hated me or if she just tolerates my presence because of Adrian. With Kamilah, I never knew if what I was doing was enough, she saw me as irresponsible and troublemaker kid, but I confess that it was that perfect smile of hers who made my heart beat faster. Part of me longed for her approval. And in the middle of all this, I was trapped between these two gorgeous and powerful women.”

Hayley’s pov

It was about one o'clock in the morning when Priya rolled to the side, coming out from me and lying beside me, with a satisfied smile spread on her perfect lips, her dark eyes had an inexplicable, inviting, but also dangerous shine. I already knew that look, it was that satisfied, pleasurable look, the look she always had when she got something she wanted. And with Priya, she always got what she wanted. I ran my hand through my hair and settled into her king size bed, pulling the red sheet closer to my body. I could hear perfectly the loud thumps of the music coming from the dance floor across the wall from the red room.

Adrian had send me to do some street work for him, which included taking some papers to Kamilah, and I had taken that moment to stop at the Priya club to say hello. It had not occurred to me that I would spend more time there than imagined.

My body was covered with sweat, well, we were in the red room hours, I could already expect exhaustion to take care of me, but she was relentless, I felt her big red nails running through my body again.

"...You're insatiable, huh?" I said with a affectionate laugh.

"You can not blame me for not wanting to take my eyes off my muse's body," she said softly, purring in my ear. Listening to her talking like that, it almost made look like we were really a couple. I turned my face, having direct contact with that perfect face of hers, Priya approached enough for her lips to touch mine in a mere kiss, a touch of lips. Her hands came to rest on my jaw, where she turned my face, as her kisses became more urgent, until her lips stopped on my neck.

It was only a matter of seconds before her fangs sank into my neck, and that painful, pleasurable sensation would come again. I bit my lip, in the middle of that ecstasy, it came to my mind that I really should go do my job, I had so many things to do, and here I was, killing time with Priya, and avoiding my obligations.

I reached my arm and unlocked my cell phone for the time, almost 1h15 in the morning. Fuck, fuck.

"Holy shit," I said sitting on the bed with the phone in my hands. "Adrian is going to kill me, I have to go." I looked around for my clothes that were lying on the bedroom rug.

"You do not have to go now, dear." I felt Priya's lips on my shoulders, her hands coming back to my waist, possessively. "This a lot more fun." She pulled a lock of my hair off my shoulders, lightly biting my ear, I felt a chill in my stomach.

"I know." I turned to her with a pout. "But he's my boss and he sent me some tasks that I'm not done yet." I turned to my clothes as I dressed them hastily.

"May I ask what they are?"

"Uh, deliver some reports to Kamilah, review some documents, that sort of thing." I shrugged finally finding my jacket.

"Of course, as always, Kamilah, ugh." I could hear the bitter tone on Priya's lips as she walked away to wear her black robe.

"Yes, she. You two do not seem very friendly to each other.” I watched her pouring wine in a glass.

"It's a long story from centuries ago. That dinosaur clearly does not know how to have fun.” Priya rolled her eyes, turning to me and leaning against her desk, with a catlike smile. "In all, you do not seem happy enough to go and see her," she said.

I sighed. Kamilah and I... I could never understand. I would never know if she hated me totally or if she was indifferent to my presence.

"That's not it," I said with my back to her as I tied the laces of my boot. "I just feel like she does not like me very much, and that's fine, I do not care." I lied, shrugging. I would never accept the fact that a part of me would always be seeking approval from Kamilah.

"Kamilah does not like anyone, do not take it personally, honestly I could not care less what she thinks of me, but... What's this?" Her voice brought me to her attention, I turned around and came upon Priya holding a social jacket in her hands.

Kamilah, social jacket.

I swallowed hard, looking at it. That jacket was tucked inside my purse, which I intended to give back to her. Priya stared at the material.

"That's... This from Lily's. She lent to me because it was cold,” I said, blatantly lying, to my surprise Priya gave a mischievous laugh.

"No offense, my love, but that Lily of yours does not have the slightest sense of style, and this... It's a Versace jacket. She could not afford it. What brings me to... I recognize that perfume very well. What are you doing with Kamilah's jacket?” She asked with her hands on her hips.

"Uh, that night of my birthday... I can not remember everything that happened, but Lily told me she took me home, and let me use it because I was cold. I thought it was nice of her... Then as Adrian asked me to deliver the reports to her, I would return to her." As I admitted the truth, Priya's smile grew more and more.

"So, Kamilah really drove you home that night, I see," she said thoughtfully. "So you slept with her."

"What?" I stood up laughing at her words. "No, God, no. When I woke up in the morning she was gone. She just left me at home.” Priya approached me, watching me with those dark eyes, like two stars in the night.

"You're a bad liar, my dear." Priya said touching my chin with her index finger.

"I'm not lying."

"Every time I mention Kamilah, your cheeks turn pink, when you're near her, you're so shy that it's impossible not to see. I notice everything."

"She's not that bad, she's been through a lot, and—"

"I knew it. You slept with her, did not you?” Priya gave a wicked laugh. My cheeks grew rosier still. "I believe your silence expresses the agreement in that fact, right? And I assume it was not just once,” I sighed.

"It meant nothing."

"For you, yes. And, of course, being that old cold mummy she is, she paid no more attention to you, hurt you, huh?"

"It will not happen again, Priya. It was a mistake that I do not intend to repeat."

"I do not care what happened." She brought her face close enough to mine until I could taste the blood mixed with wine in her breath as she grabbed my cheeks. "You're mine now, mine to do as I please, I'll make sure of that, tell Kamilah she'll never have the pleasure of having you again, tell that dinosaur, you belong to Priya Lacroix, and she will never touch you again.”

2h00am, Ahmanet Financial

It was almost two in the morning when I arrived at Ahmanet Financial, when I said my name in the black lobby and what I was doing there, it was in a matter of seconds for me to be met by an elegant brunette woman, coming out of an elevator and going to me with a cold look.

"You must be Hayley, right?" She looked me up and down.

"Yes, it's me," I said with the documents in my hands.

"You’re late, Mrs Sayeed has been waiting for you for for two hours, lucky for you that today she had a canceled meeting and she's got an hour to spare. She hates delays.” She said following in front of me and entering the elevator, I hurried to accompany her.

"I am really sorry. Something unexpected happened in the middle of the road. Usually I have the habit of being punctual."

"Oh, really?" She looked at me scornfully as we climbed the black elevator.

I kept silent, nervous waiting for my fate to finally arrive. What would I tell Kamilah? I'm sorry, I'm late I was with Priya in the Crimson Veil, and in fact she made great threats tonight. Oh, fuck. Where had I gotten myself?

As the elevator doors opened, Kamilah's assistant stepped out in front of me, her heels slamming against the floor.

"Wait here, I'll announce your arrival and see if she's available to meet you." I bit my lip and approached one of the windows a few feet down the hall that led to Kamilah's office. I asked what it was like to work every day with a view as beautiful as this one coming from her own office.

Should I even pay attention to Priya's words? She was hardly serious about something, and why did she want me so badly? God, who am I trying to fool? We would not last a month, and if that were the case, she would kill me anyway. Since when Priya has become so possessive?

"Mrs Sayeed is waiting for you." I could barely hear when Kamilah's assistant had returned.

"Thank you." I nodded and walked past her, glimpsing the two wooden doors of that office I knew perfectly. It was so large, elegantly decorated.

When I entered, she was sitting powerfully in her big black chair behind her desk, writing on a pile of papers, if I could guess, I would say she was just giving her signature, something about Kamilah I came to discover, she has a beautiful handwriting.

I could spend hours there watching her, I would never tire. Kamilah was absolutely beautiful, her jacket was hanging in her chair, she wore a navy blue shirt with a few buttons open, exposing her gold medallion around her neck, her dark makeup and hair always perfect contrasting her beautiful features. She was the definition of perfection.

"Hey," I said leaning against the door. She looked up and saw me.

"Hayley. Finally.” She went back to what she was doing, I closed the door behind me. "May I ask why you made me wait so long? Patience is something I've been missing these days."

"I'm so sorry. I had some... Complications on the way,” I said, approaching her table.

"I see." Kamilah replied coldly with her eyes on her contracts.

"I believe it belongs to you. Adrian asked me to tell you that there are a few pages that are missing for you take a look at.” I extended to her.

"I'll go look eventually," she replied. I moistened my lips looking at her, hoping she would say something more, but she did not say. I stayed a few seconds like this, until I remembered her jacket with me.

"Oh, I have to give it back too." I showed her the jacket, her eyes glittering with recognition, she reached out and her hand touched mine by accident, I could not help feeling that energy, that magnet that it ran through my body to the contact of our skins together. I shuddered away, Kamilah narrowed her eyes. "Uh... Thanks for what you did. For that night of my birthday. I hope I did not embarrass myself too much,” I said, feeling my face burn.

"Just a little, nothing out of the ordinary," she said and I blushed even more.

"I'll remember that." I retreated a few steps from her desk and walked to the door until Kamilah's voice caught my attention.

"Next time try not to be late," she said coolly and calmly. I sighed and turned, the expression on my face should show irritation, which actually was not very smart for a 22 year old girl to look at a 2063 year old vampire.

"I've already apologized," I said impatiently. When I got here, she barely looked at me or gave me attention. She just picked up the papers as if they were anyone handing over to her. Kamilah looked up and finally looked at me with some kind of interest. Her beautiful brown eyes looked directly at me, as if she could read all my emotions. She stood up and walked silently to the other side of the office to get a drink for herself.

"Yeah, I've heard," she replied putting ice in her whiskey glass. "Sometimes I think you do not take your job too seriously. Today, however, I have the conclusion."

"Excuse? I take my job seriously." I touched my own chest. Kamilah raised her eyebrows as if she doubted my own judgment. To my surprise she came walking towards me with slow, contemplative steps.

"So Priya had nothing to do with your delay?" She said taking me completely off guard.

"No!" I stammered and Kamilah tilted her head to one side, appraising me. "I mean, it's none of your business, Kamilah."

She finally stopped, right in front of me. I was looking at that tall, gorgeous woman who was looking at me cynically.

"You are lying. You were with Priya, were not you?” She said as if reading my mind. Before I could respond, she took a lock of my hair off my shoulder, and her eyes located a hickey mark on my neck, left by Priya. Kamilah's eyes flashed dangerously, a chill rose up my spine. "... And with her you were, indeed," she stated.

"I do not know why you care so much." I took her hand from my hair and pulled away from her. Kamilah kept looking at me with interest.

"I do not care," she replied, and it was like I was punched in the stomach. "But you can imagine what Adrian will do for you if Priya ends up killing you, do not you?"

I sighed. Sure, Adrian. Always Adrian.

"I should have seen this before. Of course. You're worried about Adrian. Not with me.” I crossed my arms, Kamilah's eyes did not show any kind of emotion.

"And I thought Lily was the only one who needed to mature." She said in response, I opened my mouth in protest, discredited. "You're playing with fire, Hayley. What do you think you're doing? That you’re experiencing some kind of romance with Priya? And with you, she will finally mature and become faithful, all of a sudden? And you have no chance not to get killed in this process?"

"If I end up dead, it will not be your problem," I said angrily, feeling that feeling grow in my chest. She was completely unbelievable. "Priya was right, you're a freezer of emotions! You do not care about me, you can not do this!” I yelled at her, I did not care if we were in her company, I did not care if she was a vampire that could break my neck at any time, I was just so angry. "You can not lecture me about being irresponsible and think you can guess what I do in my life when you do not care!" Kamilah turned her face away from me for the first time, closing her perfect jaw, biting her lips.

"When are you going to learn?" Kamilah said between her teeth impatiently.

"No, you're not going to do that!" I pointed a finger to her. "You will not meddle in my life, not after you do not give a damn about me after that night in your office."

"Oh, now let's talk about this?" Her pretty face twitched in a grimace.

"Yes, we'll talk about it!"

"Priya is using you, and when she gets tired of you, she'll dismiss you as if you were nothing," she said with her cold face toward me.

"Which is funny, it sounds like someone I know." I gave her a glance, Kamilah gave a cold, humorless laugh.

"You do not know anything mortal," she snapped.

"And you know ?!" I yelled.

"I'm not going to do this, I have work to do." She turned her back on me, wanting to go back to her desk.

"Do this, turn your back on me AGAIN!" I raised my voice and Kamilah stopped, turning her face with an angry look. "You can not do this, Kamilah." I shook my head angrily.

"Do what ?!" She yelled back. "Tell the truth? Trying to bring you to reality? I'm the only one who's being rational here, and you do not listen to me. You never listen to the voice of reason. You just do what you want, act like you're a kid playing in the playground with your toys, this is real life here, Hayley. And you're going to end up dead, being the only one who could be guilty for bringing it to herself.”

"You blame my relationship with Priya so much, but you're as wrong as I am, Kamilah. You can not do this, you can not sleep with me twice, say all those things to me and then act like nothing ever happened!” I shouted approaching her and placing my finger on her chest. "You can not tell me that I'm beautiful, that you want me and that I'm the one you've searched all your life and then turn your back on me!" I thrashed her, Kamilah remained standing letting me do that, until she tired and gripped my wrists with ease. "Let go of me, Kamilah!" I tried to get out of her grip, she brought her face close to mine, getting dangerously close, her brown eyes replaced by red.

"Don’t ever compare me to Priya, mortal.” She said between her teeth, I stared at her angrily.

“I just... Oh, god, I hate you!” I said breathlessly. Kamilah's expression change, that cold look disappeared, giving way to a look of... Hurt? Suddenly the brown eyes were back, so transparent that I swore I could see her emotions for the first of the night, the tightness in my wrists weakened, she stepped back a few steps, her eyes still locked on my face. I touched my wrists, massaging where her hands were before.

She touched her own hair, as if she was in a internal conflict to herself and with me.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you." Her voice was a mere whisper.

"Whatever." I shook my head, grabbing my coat and walking out of it so fast I could barely see the look of pain on her face.

[jack-kellys]

thank u, next

HEY it’s me with another installment of the “wait... ??!! !?” AU!

previous chapters: 1 (x) 2 (x) and 3 (x)

LAST time on TU,N, race revealed what little he could of his past, and al was sucked more extremely if you will into race’s...plan. scheme. something. who knows. it’s me I know heheh

————

words: 2500

warnings: cursing, NSFW jokes, mush (YEAH HE’S HERE) is a med student if that helps

————

Four

“How do you know he ain’t just a hookup?”

Al rolled his eyes at Mush’s question. They’d just finished their last class of the day, Albert having told him all about Race. Or, well, all that he could without mentioning the tiny part where he was born in 1880 and yet still here.

“It’s more than a feeling this time, okay?” Albert sighed, giving Mush a nudge. “I’m serious.”

“Yeah, but guess what you said last time? The same thing. And the time before that? Also the same thing,” Mush said, his knowing look causing Al to deflate slightly. “Look, I just want you to be careful this time, okay? I know you.”

“Fuck off, Meyers,” Albert said, no real heat behind it. “You knew with Blink, right?”

“And you know that Blink is god-tier to any loser you could pick up, Red,” Mush smirked, letting out a pained laugh when Al necked him at the nickname.

“Just watch, okay? Look. I have a date with him tonight, like a real one—a dinner thing. That confirms that he ain’t just a hookup, right? I made it clear what I wanted, he made it clear what he wanted,” Al shrugged, then scoffed at himself. “That’s already one step ahead of past me.”

Mush shook his head with a sad smile. “You are just so, so lovesick, about everyone, all the time. It’s really...sad,” he said, smile still present.

“I’m also so, so angry with you, all the time,” Al growled, “because you suck.”

“Ah, but you love me.” Mush pat Albert’s shoulder lightly, raising his eyebrows.

“....Yeah, asshole,” Al muttered. Mush laughed, hugging his arm around Albert until they had to part ways.

“In all seriousness, dude,” Mush said, stopping them at the corner. He placed both hands on Al’s shoulders, looking him in the eyes. “No more bruises, literal or metaphorical. Okay?”

“Okay, sheesh,” Al chuckled, then cleared his throat as Mush’s rather dark expression remained. “Seriously. No more, I swear.”

Mush’s face brightened instantly. “Great! Have fun tonight, man!” He waved as he started walking up the street.

“You’re really not gonna graduate with that fucked up bedside manner, doc,” Al called up to him. When Mush turned back around to flip him off, he took that as his cue to leave. He had to pick up Race in an hour anyway.

•••

“It’s good to know you own more than sweatshirts and flannels, DaSilva. I’m proud, really,” Race teased, leaning on his door frame after he’d opened the door for Al.

Albert gaped at him a second, then scoffed with a slight smile. “I clean up nice for ya, and I get a damn joke. Okay, date cancelled, flannel will be reinstated shortly.”

“No!” Race whined, latching himself to Al’s arm. “No, you look really cute, I promise. Let’s go eat, c’mon.”

“Thank you,” Al said pointedly, glancing over Race and managing to keep his heart from skipping a beat at the mere sight of him. “You look good too, by the way, in case you weren’t sure.”

Race whapped his arm as they walked out of the complex. “Oh thanks,” he snorted, grinning. “Now, this is my favorite italian restaurant in the city, and I’m big-time italian. So get your mouth ready for some good food.”

“You have no idea how many jokes just went through my head, oh my god, it’s blinding,” Albert cringed.

“Oh come on, I gave you ‘italian’ and ‘mouth’ in the same sentence for a reason. Shoot,” Race encouraged, a mischievous look gracing his face.

“Don’t kill me,” Al prefaced.

“You of all people should know I love dirty talk,” Race said, bouncing his eyebrows as Albert rolled his eyes, blushing.

“Okay, okay, here’s the first one I thought of: my mouth has already had my favorite italian.”

Race smiled sarcastically. “Aww, I’m your favorite.”

“Then there’s also: my mouth is always ready for my favorite Italian.”

“Yeah, it really is,” Race smirked, pecking Albert on the lips.

Albert smiled gently, lacing his hand with Race’s the rest of the way to the restaurant, not missing the sentimental glance Race sent towards their hands.

Race’s excitement only seemed to grow as they finally stepped inside the place. Chatter was heard from every table, a low buzz of enjoyment coming from every inch of the room. It was smaller in size than Albert expected, finding himself smiling at how homey it was.

“This is...really nice,” Albert hummed as a waiter led them to a two-person table.

“Well, sure,” Race shrugged, sitting himself opposite Al with a lopsided smile on his face. “It’s nothin’ fancy, but I really like it.”

“It’s nice for that exact reason, Racer. It’s very you, like, you would like this place.” Albert rolled his eyes fondly, glancing around the atmosphere. A hole in the wall italian place that seemed hipster but was definitely old as hell. Definitely Race.

The night wore on slowly, Albert thankful for every minute. Race seemed to be having a great time—at least, he was smiling a lot at dumb shit Al or himself said. His blue eyes would crinkle up when he laughed, a grin splitting his lips every time, no matter how big or small the smile was. He’d shake his head slightly, too, and lean back in his chair with the most perfectly carefree expression Albert had ever seen. He could watch Race laugh for a lifetime, he decided against his better judgement.

“So, Albie,” Race said, leaning forward again and placing his chin on his hand, “lemme know more about you besides the fact that you’re funny as fuck, oh my god.”

“I’m moderately amusing, yeah,” Al shrugged, half-smiling when Race gave him a scoff, then gesturing for Al to continue.

“Well you already know I’m a design major, and I like building stuff—oh, I build sets for shows my school does. That’s kinda cool.”

“That’s super cool, correction,” Race gasped, eyes bugging slightly. “Build or design, too?”

“I help design sometimes, yeah. Guy named Jack Kelly usually is the main designer. He’s really got an eye for connecting design to whatever the show’s content is. I jus’ like building the shit mostly.” Al smiled at the thought of how late Jack was probably keeping himself up that night—they were just starting on a straight play and Albert’s phone had already buzzed with more than a few texts from him, probably all with vague ideas in caps lock.

“Jeez, that must be so amazing. I love shows, holy shit, like I’m such a bootleg bitch,” Race giggled, Albert laughing at the term Race had used for himself.

“‘Bootleg bitch’,” Al sighed. “You would be. Thing is, I’m not super into shows themselves..? Haven’t found one that I really felt yet.”

“What?” Race leaned back again, face screwed up in a baffled expression. “God, every show I watch hits me in the like, first ten minutes.”

“I only know the ones I’ve done, so maybe that’s why. But I have done them since high school, so,” Al shrugged, apologetic. “Dunno, hun.”

“Then I’ll get you into one!” Race’s expression seemed to brighten at the thought, Albert blushing at how adorable he looked. “I mean. Well, I’ll just have to find one for you.”

“Guess you will, bootleg bitch,” Al snorted as Race tried to hit him from across their small table.

“Oh, shut up! I’ve lived in New York longer than literally anyone on the planet, I can’t not be into shows,” Race huffed.

“You should see mine when it’s up, then,” Albert said.

Race seemed to stiffen, and Al mentally slapped himself. That was so forward, at least two months into the future. He didn’t even know if this relationship would last more than a week, let alone two entire months. It didn’t seem like a long time, but it was for Al.

Albert tore his gaze away from the table to meet Race’s eyes again. A sad, but knowing smile was on his face.

“I would really love to, Albie,” he said softly.

“Really?” Albert asked, not truly believing Race. He probably just felt bad for him.

“Really. I would really, really like to,” Race nodded, reaching his hand over the table to hold Al’s.

Albert smiled at their hands together, tan and pale intermingling into one mixed shape. Maybe there was hope for him yet in the relationship department.

•••

Going back to Race’s was an entire other reward, consisting of more talking with bits of making out swirled in between, Race’s lips still able to make his brain short-circuit every time they kissed.

Race had just pushed Albert down onto the couch, Al’s hands gripping at Race’s hips as the blond’s hand travelled up under Al’s shirt. Race slowed himself a bit, moving his lips to lazily kiss at Albert’s neck and lowering himself on top of him.

“That date was really nice, Tony,” Albert murmured, arching himself slightly up towards Race’s mouth. “Real cute, real...real.”

“What’s that mean?” Race popped his head, Al having to raise his eyes to meet his gaze. He didn’t really want to though, biting his lip slightly in hesitation as he realized what he had said.

“I...um,” Al huffed out a slight laugh, attempting to lighten the air that suddenly felt dense. “It’s not like I haven’t been out to dinner with a partner before or anything. ‘Cause I have. Just...not like that.”

“Al, like what?” Race pressed, tired smile slipping off his face.

Albert shrugged, pushing himself up straighter. “I dunno. Been a while since I left a date like that feeling good, y’know? I don’t normally get lucky in this department—the, uh, relationship kind.” Heart beating faster, he averted his gaze further as Race’s eyes only saddened.

Relationships had always been a taboo topic for Albert, family ties included. His mother had died in his youth, a hit and run, and Al’s dad had lost himself in the grief too far, eventually turning to taking it out in his children. All three got out of the house eventually, the youngest living with the oldest when Al went to college.

And even during his wreckage of his family, romantic relations weren’t much better. Girlfriends would call him too guarded, not emotionally present and yell at him; boyfriends would call him weak, say he needed to be stronger, push him around and mock him. He couldn’t win. He had never won.

“And then...shit, this is gonna sound cheesy, but then I met you,” Albert laughed quietly after recounting a few choice pieces of his history. “You actually respect me for..me.”

Race’s hands ghosted over his mouth to mask his shock. “Albert,” he breathed with watery voice and eyes, “I had no idea. I’m so sorry, you don’t know the half of it, oh my god…”

“Race, it’s okay, really,” Al smiled, reaching out to brush his thumb over his cheek. “It ain’t your fault.”

Race seemed to come back to himself. “Yeah. Yeah, you just really don’t deserve this—that. I’m sorry you had to go through that, love,” he said, folding Albert into a hug. “I...I’m here now. Catch your break, hun.”

“Thanks,” Albert sighed, pushing his head into the crook of Race’s neck. He chuckled lightly. “You’re doing real wonders for me, y’know.”

Albert felt Race’s grip tighten around him before one of his hands started rubbing methodically up and down his back, up and down, up and down, up and down…

“I think I’m slippin’ into a food coma from all that Italian and feelings,” Albert yawned, snuggling further into Race and hearing him laugh softly.

“Okay baby, let’s go sleep. It’s late anyway, and that was a lotta pasta,” Race admitted, yawning as well. His hand kept rhythmically moving up and down Albert’s back, making his eyelids even harder to keep open, dimly feeling his grip on Race losen.

“What’re y’doin’ to me?” Al murmured as Race stood them up, hand not leaving the redhead’s back. “Y’got...magic hands.”

Race laughed again, this time with a slight nervous lilt that Albert would have caught if his head wasn’t suddenly so bleary.

“Yeah, that ain’t the first time you’ve said that to me, sweetie,” Race whispered in Al’s ear with a giggle, Albert blushing. He leaned up to kiss Race, wobbly knees be damned. Warmth like hot tea spreading through his body as Race reciprocated his affections, lips moving against lips.

After a few hazy moments, Albert pulled away. “Think I’m in love w’ you, Racey,” he mumbled, eyes still closed. “You’re absolutely perfect.”

“You’re tired,” Race said like he was deciding the fact, although Albert could picture his small smile anyway. A new layer of exhaustion laid itself over him like a heavy blanket, making him yawn again.

“Yeahhh,” Albert sighed, leaning heavier into Race’s arms as they fell onto his bed. “ I am.”

Albert felt Race curl around him after the covers were pulled up, arms wrapping around his stomach, continuing to rub. Al hummed his approval, cuddling sleepily into the embrace more than he’d admit.

“Goodnight, love,” Race whispered, almost hesitant, but Al could hear the truth behind it. He felt Race kiss the back of his neck gently.

“G’nigh’, Race,” Al sighed lightly, eyes closing again as his brain quickly drifted off. In his dreams, he relived the only perfect date he’d ever had. Wait till he told Mush—no bruises.

•••

Race felt a little bad for sending Albert into sleep like that. Technically against his will, too, although it was late and pretty appropriate.

But he needed to think.

He had never wanted to stall before Al happened. It was strange, wanting to stay with someone, and not just out of fear of hurting them later. He was pretty sure he loved Albert, too, and it was terrifying after decades of not feeling that way about anyone.

It wasn’t only terrifying, he supposed. It was definitely freeing, which was new, and he couldn’t help but absolutely love it. After believing to love was to be trapped (which he technically was), for what felt like forever, it was exciting and invigorating to spring out of the box he felt he’d been kept in for so long. It was wonderful, it was fun, Albert was wonderful, Albert was fun, and...Race didn’t want it to end.

And that was not allowed.

Race pressed himself closer to Albert, as if that could protect him from the chain of events that had started the moment they had made eye contact. Maybe Race could stall, at least a few more weeks. Albert deserved the love Race was more than willing to give him, especially after the kinds of relationships Al had said he’d been in before this one. He wanted to be more than that for him, rather than become another piece of Albert’s broken past. He wanted Albert more than anyone who had come before him, and Al seemed to want him back. Even if Race knew much of Albert’s feelings were orchestrated, there were lots of parts that were real: his humor, his thoughtfulness, his protectiveness were all there. And at least part of his love just had to be real. Race was powerful in that area, sure, that was his whole thing, but there were some things he couldn’t fake.

And, he decided, those things were worth stalling for.

Albert did probably love him. And he loved Albert, whether he could or not. He’d stall until Hell bit at his heels.

—————

this was kind of a filler chapter, but I hope it made it a little more clear with how things stand ;)

TAG LIST

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[writingwithadinosaur]

“Lost Battle.” - Oneshot

“Lost Battle.” - Oneshot

My Masterlist - Here

Kingsman Masterlist - Here

My Tag List - Here

Eggsy Unwin x Reader

Word Count: 2,051

Key: Y/N = Your Name, H/C = Your Hair Color, E/C = Your Eye Color

Warnings: (TRIGGER HEAVY! PLEASE READ WITH CAUTION) Self Harm, Depression, Anxiety, Addictions, Negative Thoughts,

Summary: A bad mental breakdown leads you to lean into your addictions again, causing the downward spiral to continue. A oneshot that shows that support can mean the world to someone who has to focus on individual battles that add up in a massive internal war.

Author’s Note: This is a very selfish piece. My mental health has not been in the best shape as of writing this and it's been affecting my life more than I’d like it to. I wrote this in the middle/after breaking down on the phone to @witchymarvelspacecase the other night. I actually ended up using some parts of our texts in this story. This story is personal and what I wish could happen in real life after relapsing.

If you are struggling with anything, please reach out and talk to someone. Even just shooting someone a text message can be super beneficial in the end. And if you feel like you don’t have anyone, my messages are always open. <3 

If you would like to be tagged in any of my future pieces, check out my tag list above and let me know! And as always, feedback is greatly appreciated!

<3

- DreaSaurusREX

There was no way you’d be sleeping at a normal hour tonight. Just like how your sleep schedule had been for the past two weeks. Late nights, barely any sleep, and for no reason. You were tired, but your brain wouldn’t stop reeling.

You fucked up. You fucked up. Goddamnit you’re such a fuck up. Everyone else is moving along and you’re still stuck. You can’t even get up and shower. Goddamn piece of shit.

You needed to get up and shower. You needed to eat. You needed to clean. You needed to do a lot of things today. But you ended up trapped in your comforter for a majority of the day thanks to the jagged claws, and life-sucking fangs of your mind until it was close to midnight.

You spent all day in bed? Sure, you went up and got around a little bit today. But what progress did you make? You’re still a goddamn mess.

Negative thoughts like that shouldn’t get to you. You know they shouldn’t, but here you were: Laying in your bed, listening to those thoughts, trying to figure out what to do next that didn’t involve your vices: Painkillers and razor blades.

You had talked to Merlin about taking some time off for personal reasons after breaking one of your clean streaks the night before. He agreed to it, not bothering to ask any further questions, and pretending not to notice the bandage around your wrist.

Your boyfriend, Eggsy, was sent on a mission while you were on leave. He should be back home within the next day or two, but there was no way of knowing for sure. You knew you could talk to someone at HQ if you needed to, whether that be Merlin or Harry or one of the medical professionals they had connections with. But you already felt like enough of a burden to everyone in Kingsman.

Taking a week off because you can’t keep your shit together? Wow. And they picked you to be a part of Kingsman? You somehow passed the tests? How? Maybe you should just save them the trouble and just leave. They’d all be better off without you.

You couldn’t stop the tears from flowing at that thought. You felt the thought coming, but still didn’t brace yourself enough for the impact it caused. You sobbed into your blanket, feeling nothing but sadness and numbness.

Why couldn’t you be normal? Why couldn’t you get a grip on yourself?

Everything was a blur as you untangled yourself from your sheets and found the shoebox under your bed. You lifted the top off and found what you were looking for: silver kisses and painkillers.

You slid against the wall and found yourself on your floor, fiddling with the thin metal at your fingertips. Before your thoughts could get any louder, you pressed the blade to your arm and left a horizontal line in its path. Letting out a shaky breath, you leaned your head back against the wall and closed your eyes, focusing on the stinging sensation on your arm. Without even looking, you began to cut again and again. Soon enough, you had a collection of lines on your arm, all of them with beads of blood in different stages of coagulation, stinging as you moved.

Stinging. You could feel it. You felt the dried tear tracks on your cheeks. You felt the AC coming from the vent across the room. You weren’t quite as numb as earlier. You had hoped that this would have silenced or even lowered the volume in your brain, but it ended up doing the opposite.

Holy shit… You really are pathetic. Relying on this shit to help you? How the hell is slicing yourself open supposed to help you? And let me guess, you’re gonna down some of those pills to make you forget the damage you did?

Sure enough, you grabbed for the pill bottle and downed three capsules with some water. Wishing tonight would quickly end with some sleep. But then you thought of something new to set you off:

What is Eggsy going to think? Yeah, he knows about your stupid addictions, but just think of how disappointed he’s going to be when he sees this shit.

You felt the tears welling up again. Eggsy shouldn’t have to deal with this.

Staying in your leggings and t-shirt, you slipped on your shoes, grabbed your cardigan and purse, ignoring the blood that was staining your sleeve, then walked out the door with no actual destination in mind.

~~~~

Eggsy’s mission had gone unbelievably well. It was a quick and easy interrogation and take down. Letting him come home earlier than expected. As soon as he got off the plane, he met up with Harry and Merlin for a debrief before he could go home and see you.

Thankfully, the cameras in Eggsy’s glasses caught the entirety of the mission, so there wasn’t too much for the men to discuss. After Harry dismissed everyone and said goodnight, Eggsy walked to Merlin.

“Where’s (Y/N) at? Thought she’d be part of the meetin’.” He looked around the room once more to make sure he didn’t somehow look over you.

“She asked for a few days off. I gave her a week as of the day before yesterday.”

“Oh.” Eggsy was a bit confused. You never asked for days off. Even when you were obviously sick. There was one time you had managed to come into HQ with no voice and a killer cold for half a day, avoiding everyone until Harry saw you and sent you home.

“Has she been alrigh’? Everythin’ fine between you two?” Merlin spoke in a hushed tone as to avoid anyone else from hearing.

“As far as I know, yeah. Why? Did she say something to you?”

“Actually quite the opposite. She didn’t say much of anything. I am concerned though. I don’t know if it’s anything related to her asking for a break, but she had a bandage around her wrist before she asked for time off. And there is no record of her going to medical before leaving.”

“Shit!” Eggsy sighed. Eggsy knew exactly what happened. He had been there to see the aftermath of a few of your breakdowns that ended with breaking your clean streaks. But you had just celebrated 6 months of sobriety from both of your addictions. Which meant that this break could be more dangerous than the usual.

“I’ve gotta go! Be on call if I need help!” Before he could get the last word out, Eggsy was running through the doors, yelling for other agents to move out of his way as he raced home.

~~~~

There was a small pier at the edge of a pond that was always vacant. It was a 20 minute walk from your flat if you took shortcuts. You hadn’t planned on ending up there, but you were glad you did. It was calming. You sat at the edge of the dock, leaning against one of the vertical posts, laying your arm on one of the horizontal beams. The location was the perfect mix of city noises and soothing waters.

Once you were comfy, you brought your knees up and relaxed your carved up arm on top of them. You rolled up your sleeve a little bit to see the lines in the moonlight. You could still feel the stinging, but not as much as when it was fresh.

So what’s the plan now, dipshit? Yeah you’re feeling shit again. But what now? You’re just gonna try and disappear? You work with, and date a spy. You can’t just run away. He’s going to--

Before your thought could go further, you were crushed by two familiar arms wrapping around you.

“Fuckin hell!” Eggsy was out of breath and you could hear the panic in his voice. “Thank fuck I found you.”

What the fuck? He’s not supposed to be home yet? But… SEE! You made him worry! You fucked up again! This is why you will never be--

You felt to guilty. Sobs punched through your chest and tears poured out of your eyes. He kissed the side of your head and moved you into his lap. You slowly wrapped your arms around him and buried your face into his shoulder, letting every last ounce of tears you had leave your system.

“Shh.. It’s alright, luv. I’m here. Whatever happened, you’re not dealing with it alone. Shh… Please breathe, babe. Breathe with me, yeah?”

He took exaggerated breaths to help you catch on to the pattern, until your breathing started to get back to a semi-normal state. He leaned back and looked at your face. His hands gently cradled your cheeks, wiping away the tracks that your tears had left. He kissed your forehead before speaking again.

“Whatever’s goin’ on, it is not the end of the world. You have been in this position before and you made it out. And I’m not letting you give up. Not that easy.”

You let another couple of tears slide down your cheek only to meet Eggsy’s thumb. You leaned your forehead on his and took a shaky breath before struggling to speak with your raspy voice.

“I feel like a fuck up. Everything got to be too much. I was numb and didn’t even think before getting back on this shit… I thought I was getting better but--”

“But you are gettin’ better! Maybe not as much as you’d like, but progress is progress!”

“I relapsed. I broke both clean streaks.”

“Yes, that sucks. But you can’t be angry with yourself. Try to be patient.” He lifted your head so you could see his serious, but kind green eyes. “We both know how far you’ve come. And we both know how far you still have to go. And you won’t ever be alone. Not while I’m around.”

A small smile grew on your lips. The first real smile in a while. Eggsy grinned and leaned forward to leave a gentle kiss on your smile.

“I don’t know if there is really a way to ‘get over’ any of my bullshit.”

“Even if there ain’t, I’m always gonna be here to help the best I can. I love you, (Y/N). And I want to be a part of your life. All of it. The good times, the borin’, the frustratin’, the rewardin’, the worst. All of it.”

You didn’t have any more words to say. Instead, you leaned to his lips and kissed him. He kissed back, holding onto you as if you were going to turn into ash and fall from his embrace. Eggsy’s pocket buzzing broke your kiss. He pulled out his phone and held it to his ear, not letting his sturdy hold of you lessen.

“Yeah. She’s safe. … Mhmm. … I’ll let her know. Thanks for everythin’, Merlin.” Sliding his phone back into his pocket, he stood up and held his hands out for you to grab. You took them and relied on him for support until you got some energy back in your system.

“Merlin was worried about you. He may not show it, but he actually cares about you. More than he cares about me I bet!” You chuckled at the last part. “He just wanted to make sure I found you. He also extended your time off. You just gotta let him or me know when you want to come back and he’ll arrange it.”

“Thank you, Eggsy.”

“No worries, luv. Now, let’s go home, get cleaned up, and get some much needed sleep.”

Within an hour, you were in bed with Eggsy. Your back against his front and his strong arm draped over your waist, reassuring you that he wasn’t going anywhere. Your arm was cleaned and bandaged properly thanks to Eggsy’s help. Most importantly, you both were finally feeling the wave of exhaustion taking over, letting you both drift off to sleep.

As you closed your eyes, you began coming to terms with the fact that this was going to be a war, not just a single battle. And there would be some battles that you would lose. But you didn’t have to fight this war alone. And eventually, you would come out on top.

Tags - @melconnor2007 @ashenfallsof @geeksareunique @all-by-myself98 @witchymarvelspacecase @theeactress @thomasstanleyhoelland @white-chocolate-mocha-fan

[rynne311]

65 Questions You Aren't Used To

Tagged by @an-all-write-life, thank you lovely!

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

I think I may have answered this one before, but basically no.

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

1, maybe 1.5.  I really don’t mind the dark, but sometimes it’s the unexplained sounds that will get me.

3. The person you would never want to meet?

I don’t know if any of you watched Community, but Troy loved LeVar Burton, he was his favorite celebrity.  Even though Troy loved LeVar Burton, the most he ever wanted was a picture/autograph, he explicitly told Pierce that he never wanted to meet him.  When Pierce brought LeVar Burton in as a way to mess with Troy, he was completely starstruck and could not speak, he just sat there wide eyed and terrified of disappointing his hero, until he ran away from dinner screaming.  Long story short, any sort of media hero I have I wouldn’t want to meet because I’d probably make Troy look like a normal person with how starstruck I got.

4. What is your favorite word?

Oh boy, this is a lot of pressure! I don’t want to offend all the other words.  I’ll go with onomatopoeia because it’s kind of fun!

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

An oak, I guess.  They look pretty as they change, and dropping the acorns can cause mild annoyance, which I seem to be able to do pretty easily for the friends and family around me.

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

Why does it have to be Monday??(I answered this when I started working on these yesterday)

7. What shirt are you wearing?

Simple pink and gray stripes.

8. What do you label yourself as?

Nerd

9. Bright room or dark room?

Dark, it just feels kind of relaxing and like it’s time to unwind.

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

Sleeping - I’m kind of boring and go to bed by 10:30 (usually earlier) every night, so I’m definitely dead asleep at midnight.

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

I actually really enjoyed ages 18-20, and 23 was pretty good too.  I’m sure I’ll hit a good stride of ages again, but until I hit that sweet spot, I’m just going to roll with it and have the most fun I can.

12. Who told you they loved you last?

Umm, probably my friend Alex telling me she loves me more after I had sent her a second reminder in a night that I love her. Or my mom.

13. Your worst enemy?

Honestly, I’m probably my own worst enemy.

14. What is your current desktop picture?

It’s the generic blue design that came with the laptop

15. Do you like someone?

In any way other than platonically, no not right now.

16. The last song you listened to?

Either “Rich” by Maren Morris or “Hotel Key” by Old Dominion on my way into work.

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

If I dislike someone that much, shouldn’t they just be left to suffer...like forever.

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

It would be too easy to say some of those politicians that I think are awful and spewing hate, but that’s probably who I’d want to hit the most. But then I’m putting hate and violence out there and I aspire to be better than those I wish to punch in the face.

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

Yeah, people shouldn’t own people. What I would be more interested

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

Probably my eyes or smile.

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

Umm, I sure hope that would mean I would be tall! At least considerably taller than 5’2” and then I’d go and reach stuff on the top shelf...without a step-stool.

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

If I do, it’s news to me.

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

My fears are pretty run of the mill.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

I might just be pretty boring and say a really good grilled cheese with like a good kind of cheese like pepperjack or something.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

If only that would cover all my loans! I’d probably treat myself to something like a new pair of heels or just save it for a bit and maybe put it towards Christmas presents.

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

Probably back to Spain.  I loved the four months I lived in Salamanca and want to go back! Also, my host family was amazing, and I’d love to visit them again.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

I’d probably get some Barefoot Pink Bubbly, but I’d be a little suspicious of some greater ulterior motive.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

Everybody has to be left-handed lol, actually establishing some sort of guidance for rights and behavior, making sure that all groups are treated equally and fairly.

29. What is your favorite expletive?

Shit. As much as I curse in real life, I try to avoid it in my writing, instead opting to find other words to express the sentiment, although that isn’t always possible.

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

Probably one of my mom’s jewelry or memory boxes that has mementos from my late grandma in them.  It would mean the world to her and I was close with my grandma too, so I’d still be able to preserve a piece of her.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

As much as I’d love to erase any bouts of poor mental health I’ve had in the past, I’ve learned from them and without that experience, I wouldn’t be prepared to tackle my next big challenge whatever it may be.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

Just like in question 26, I’d probably move to Spain!

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

As much as I would love to bring my godfather back, it wouldn’t be fair to take him from the afterlife, or to put his wife, kids and the rest of us who love him through that pain again.  If I could open some sort of communication between this life and the next, I would absolutely offer it to him.  At least being able to communicate would probably be able to heal some wounds for a lot of us here, and I’d love for his 10 year old son to get to know him outside of the stories he hears from me and the rest of his family.

34. What was your last dream about?

Selling houses and moving...just all around kind of odd.

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]? -  Are you a good listener?

I’d like to think I am, yes.  Recently at my weekend job, I was clocking out for the day and finished one of my purchases and the woman in front of me had a bag that was just a little too heavy for her to carry, so I brought her bag out to the car for her.  I ended up spending another 20 minutes out there with her talking, well she was doing most of the talking, and before we went separate ways she kept thanking me for listening to her.  So if that is any indication, yes I am a good listener, also it broke my heart that she felt the need to thank me for listening to her because it tells me that she really isn’t getting much of that in her life.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

I’ve been to the emergency room twice, but never admitted to the actual hospital.  And both of those visits were within three days.

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

Grew up in New England, it’s kind of a mandatory part of childhood here.

38. What is the color of your socks?

Gray and teal

39. What type of music do you like?

Country, plus some pop and rock

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

I’m rarely up for sunrises, but when I was in college, I was pulling an all nighter in our computer/printer room and I got the most spectacular view of the sun rising over the mountains in Vermont.  It made up for the severe lack of sleep I was experiencing.

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

Chocolate

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

I don’t sport.  As far as American football goes, I suppose the NY Giants, but in reality it’s more of anyone who isn’t the Patriots.

43. Do you have any scars?

A few on my arms from stupid stuff while growing up, like fighting with my sister.

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

I graduated from college 3 years ago and still don’t know.  Maybe to know and be happy and secure.

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

Physically - the list is kind of long and pretty personal.  Otherwise, I’d get rid of those nasty things like my anxiety and depression.

46. Are you reliable?

Almost to a fault where some people have tried to take advantage of it so they could slack off.

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

Have you found the happy path you want to be on?

48. Do you hold grudges?

Yes, but it’s something I’ve been trying to work on.  I’ll stop and think what did this event/person impact my life and is it still important?  That’s been pretty helpful for letting things go.  I doubt I’ll ever be able to move on from things immediately, but being able to step away after I’ve had some time and choose forgiveness really does help.

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

CatDog

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

Probably once when talking about childhoods and one girl brought up how she got sent to water therapy because she would insist that she was a mermaid and didn’t have legs to walk.  If I remember correctly, they thought this was her way of manifesting her fear of water, but really with her red hair, she just wanted to be Ariel from Little Mermaid.  It was definitely a wild ride of a conversation.

51. Are you a good liar?

Yes and no.  I’ve got some tells, but over the past few years, I’ve gotten much better at hiding them.

52. How long could you go without talking?

If I’m not talking because I’m mad, at least a few days.  I love talking, so if there isn’t much of a reason to be silent, I’m probably going to be talking.  There have been a few times I’ve been home alone and will just begin talking to the dogs or the cat as I’m going about my business.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

As much as I like them every time I get them, bangs! Within a few months I’m done with wanting to deal with the maintenance and they never looks as good as when I first get them done.  Some folks look absolutely amazing with bangs, but as a long term thing, they are just not for me.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

Yes! I love to bake.

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

A little bit.  With practice I can start to imitate other regions of the US and with enough drinks, I’ve tried an Irish accent.

56. What do you like on your toast?

Butter with a bit of cinnamon sugar.

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

If painting counts, and I’m going to say it does for this, then a nice riverbank landscape I did at a paint and wine studio near me.

58. What would be you dream car?

Jeep Wrangler - like Lorelai’s in Gilmore Girls

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

Not really, I’m mostly focused on getting what I need to done and getting out.  I might go through an argument in the shower while I’m washing my hair, but that’s about it.

60. Do you believe in aliens?

I guess so, but that’s more of the universe is so expansive and I think it’s a little narcissistic to think that we are the only ones occupying it.  Besides, if there are no aliens, how will Superman exist to come and save us some day??

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

I don’t, and most of the reason is I don’t believe in them. It’ll pop up in other stuff I’ll be reading, but it always frustrates me that pisces are put at the end of the list so I don’t even try.

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

R! Yes, it is my initial, but I also like doing the sign for it in my sign language class.  The sign is like you’re crossing your fingers, so it’s like R has some mystery and is keeping a secret.

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

Dinosaurs

64. What do you think about babies?

They are really cute and I like getting to spend some time with them.  It can be really fun to watch someone experience so many things for the first time, especially things we take for granted.

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of. - Worst movie you’ve ever watched?

Leprechaun in the Hood without a doubt!

I’ll tag anyone else who wants to do this! :)

[magickmoons]

famous!Dean part 5

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Dean looked up at the sound of the bell -- as he had every time someone had walked in during the half-hour he'd been waiting. He kept reminding himself that he'd gotten there insanely early, but with the arrival of each person who wasn't Cas, he became more and more discouraged. Why had Cas agreed to meet with him? The overly dramatic part of his mind wondered if Cas was planning to stand him up and alert the press -- get some nice pics of jilted Dean Winchester.

But it was Cas -- alone -- this time. Dean's heart pounded double-time as Cas walked over. Holy hell, the picture on the University website came nowhere close to capturing how drop-dead sexy adult Cas was. Dean had worked with some of the best looking Hollywood had to offer -- including at least 2 winners of the Sexiest Man Alive award -- and they didn't hold a candle to Cas, who was now taking his seat, staring at Dean intently.

"Hello, Dean."

"Cas ... tiel," he stammered, unsure if the familiar nickname would still be welcome. He nodded at the cup in front of Cas's seat. "I hope you still take it black."

"Thank you," Cas replied stiffly, lifting the cup and taking an experimental sip, fingers playing with the lid when he put it back down.

They sat in silence. Damn it, why had he thought this would be a good idea? Some misguided notion of giving Cas closure wrapped around the selfish hope of forgiveness.

The silence was getting to him and if one of them didn't speak soon, it was going to become fairly insurmountable.

"Cas, um ... Castiel, I --"

"Cas is fine, Dean."

"Okay, cool, yeah ... So, Cas ..."

Cas looked at him expectantly.

"Yeah, that's all I got so far." Dean grimaced sheepishly as Cas laughed.

"Well, we have at least established that we remember each other's names."

Dean tapped his temple. "Like a steel trap."

"Well," Cas started with a deep breath. "How are you?"

"How am I?' Dean repeated incredulously.

Cas shrugged. "I'm really not sure what we're supposed to talk about, Dean."

"Yeah, me neither. I thought this would flow a little better."

Cas frowned at him. "How so?"

"Well, I figured you would come in and just start yelling, we'd get everything out on the table, and go from there."

Cas shook his head. "Yelling is not on the agenda. I don't --"

"You're Dean Winchester!"

They both jumped slightly as a twenty-ish woman appeared next to the table, nearly vibrating with excitement. Dean reluctantly slid in P.R. mode (heaving a dramatic internal sigh at the interruption), wondering if he'd get the chance to figure out what Cas was going to say -- he didn't care? He didn't yell in public? Didn't -- what?

"I sure am!" She flushed scarlet he answered with a bright smile.

"Oh god. I'm so stupid. Of course you know that. It's just... I'm such a big fan. I've seen all your movies."

He chuckled. "I'm sorry about that. There are some real stinkers in that list."

"Oh no. They're always worth it to see you."

"Well, thank you." She was already opening her mouth to say something else, but he really wanted 1) to get back to Cas and 2) to get her away before she recognized Cas. "Hey, you got a phone with you? Want a selfie?"

Cas winced noticeably at her squeal of delight. The photo was quick and done and Dean squeezed her shoulder in farewell. "It was great meeting you."

She looked somewhat disappointed, but took the dismissal gracefully.

"That happen a lot?" Cas asked once the girl was back at her own table, fingers flying over her phone's screen.

Dean shrugged. "Define 'a lot.'" He winced inwardly and tried to tell from Cas's face if that had come off as humble or asshole. Unfortunately, Cas had had years to perfect his stoic expression.

"Is it worth it?"

"Wow, so just skipping right over the small talk, huh?"

Cas raised an eyebrow. "We were failing dismally at "small talk." So... fame -- is it worth it? Everything you thought it would be?"

"It has its good and bad, like anything, I guess. The past few weeks have actually turned out to be pretty awesome. Charlie keeps forwarding me messages from kids thanking me for coming out -- or not hiding from it, I guess really, since coming out wasn't exactly my idea."

A warm smile lit Cas's face. "That's great though. That this whole situation is having a positive impact."

It really was. Dean had expected much more negative fallout -- and of course there was plenty of that -- but for all the studio had worried, the paying public seemed to have very little problem with recent revelations. And the emails and posts from people -- both in the biz and not -- were enough to make Dean wish he had done this years before.

"But generally, I try to keep my life pretty quiet," Dean continued, wincing as Cas's barely restrained look of disbelief.

"Listen, man, what you saw -- that whole thing -- the, the drugs, the parties, the ..."

"Random sex with multiple people?" Cas filled in drily.

"Yeah. That's not part of the package for me anymore."

Cas took a slow breath; his eyes were filled with hurt when he spoke. "I didn't know it was ever supposed to be -- when you talked about going to California, that was never ... it was always about the acting."

Dean wished this were one of his movies so they could skip over the exposition part and just get to Cas either storming out or forgiving him. But no, this was how life had to happen.

"I barely even know where to start. It wasn't like that at first, not until after I signed with Alastair."

"Alastair Halling?" Cas interrupted.

A chill settled over Dean. "How do you know that name, Cas? He didn't .... You didn't ..." Alastair's threats echoed in Dean's head.

Cas spoke slowly, his brow furrowed in thought. "He was the one who made the final arrangements for my trip out there. He contacted me and said you need to see a friendly face from home."

Cas's words didn't make any sense at first. Alastair hadn't given a shit if anyone was happy or comfortable or anything that wasn't of direct use to him.

"Son of a bitch! He set us up."

He felt sick as the entirety of Alastair's plan settled over him, just another in the string of twisted mind games he had played back then.

Cas just looked confused when Dean made himself look at him. "I don't understand. What do you mean 'set us up'?"

Dean nodded to show Cas he'd heard him, trying to sort out his thoughts. He hadn't thought they'd be getting into this territory today. Alastair was a rough subject anytime, but to share it with Cas -- especially now that he knew Alastair's machinations had affected Cas even more directly that he had thought ...

Dean hadn't even realized he was shaking until Cas's hand covered his on the table. He leaned forward with an earnest look. "Dean, you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to."

"No, Cas. No. You deserve to know this."

Cas studied him for a minute then sat back with a nod. Dean's hand felt cold and he wrapped it around the now lukewarm cup.

"So, up front -- what I'm going to tell you is not an excuse. No matter what was going on around me, I'm responsible for my own choices -- and I made a whole buncha bad ones those first years. This is just .... explanation, I guess."

"I understand," Cas replied with a soft, encouraging smile.

"When I first went out there -- California -- I was just a kid from Nowheresville, USA, a fact that was driven home pretty quickly. I thought I was ready, but -- this business is really rough. And I wasn't doing as well as I think I kind of let everyone back home believe." He rubbed a hand over his face. "It's silly, but I felt like I'd be letting everyone down if I didn't make it big.

"On top of that, it was so much more expensive than I had anticipated. I blew through my savings almost right away, even living in some little fleabag shithole and working two restaurant jobs. After a couple of months, I was just about ready to head home."

It had been crushingly disappointing to even consider that, but Dean wasn't about to ask his parents for more money and he wasn't going to get involved with any of the fast-money options that abounded in the area (and that all seemed to end with someone naked or bloody).

"I --" Cas started to speak, then quieted.

"What, Cas?"

"I wish I'd known, Dean. I feel like I could've been more supportive."

"Yeah, sometimes I wonder I wonder what would've happened if I'd told you, anyone ... I guess I was just too embarrassed. But you did help, man. I felt so much better every time we talked -- you believed in me so much, and to hear that after another shitty day of not being good enough ...

"Anyway, one of the guys I workshopped with told me about Alastair. He said the guy was like a miracle worker, almost guaranteed to get you a job -- if he liked you. He had a reputation for being really picky. I almost didn't even try; I mean, what was I going to have that he didn't already see dozens of times a week?"

Alastair had been his last attempt. He'd sent off a headshot, requesting a meeting. He had been so convinced that it was another dead end that he'd done zero research on the guy, didn't even ask what happened to Alastair's clients after the initial burst of success.

"I heard back from him almost immediately. We met, and he said he'd take me on -- teach me, 'mold' me." Dean still felt nauseous whenever he remembered the dark look in Alastair's eyes, the raspy sound of his voice. "Nobody else was interested in repping me, so I signed with him. Alastair was effective, yeah, and things just started happening. I got a couple of high profile guest spots, a movie role, every talk show wanted to have me on. It was like someone flipped a switch, and I went from struggling nobody to ultra-hot commodity overnight. None of it was really challenging acting, or even that interesting; I was pretty much just the new 'pretty face.'

"Knowing what I know now, I figure Alastair must've had dirt on at least a third of the casting agents -- not to mention the rest of Hollywood. They hired who he told them to. And those days, he wanted them to hire me."

He looked down to see that he'd bent the little plastic coffee stirrer into an accordion, and tossed it on the table.

"So I was running around non-stop day after day. It started wearing on me, and Alastair was there. He started slowly -- a pick-me-up here or there, something to help me sleep the night before an interview, something to pep me up for a shoot. Then there were a couple of strongly worded requests to show my face at this or that party."

He fell silent. Cas waited, his eyes tight, jaw tense. Dean sipped his coffee while he gathered his thoughts.

"He liked power. He had a whole little harem or entourage or whatever of wannabes that followed him around, did whatever he said, but he needed the guys like me -- success stories -- to keep them hopeful."

The coffee soured in his stomach at the memory of some of the things he'd seen. He'd spent years of therapy dealing with his own actions and how Alastair had impacted him, but the memories of those kids debasing themselves so willingly, so eagerly, while he sat and did nothing -- or worse, enjoyed the results -- still made him physically sick.

"A con man needs to be able to present some results," Cas murmured, "to keep his marks interested and pliable."

"Yeah, but even my success wasn't real. Or at least I hadn't earned it on merit. But none of us knew that then. I'm honestly not sure how many of them would have cared, either." He huffed a dispirited laugh.

"I knew something was wrong -- none of it felt like I'd always imagined, y'know? And the drugs and the sex and the parties, they were so easy to lose myself in, to push back that feeling of wrongness.

"I tried to fight it at first -- putting in appearances and heading out early. After the third time I did that, Alastair called and told me I'd been dropped from consideration for a lead in a series. They'd as much as told me I had the role in the room. But if I wasn't playing his game, I wasn't gonna get the prize. He didn't say it in so many words, but I'm sure he turned them down.

"So I just ... I played ball. And I took the pills he handed me and I threw the parties when he told me to ..."

Dean's throat ached. He looked at Cas, sitting with concern and compassion on his face. "I cheated on you, Cas. It was only ever just sex. I never, ever felt about anyone like I feel about you, but -- God that's even worse. To throw away what we had for something so empty, so superficial. And after that day, I never dreamed I'd get the change to apologize, so..."

He licked suddenly dry lips and and took a deep breath.

"I'm so sorry, Cas. You deserved so much better. I would never ask you to forgive me, but please know that I hated that you got hurt. That I was the one who hurt you."

He trailed off, unable to truly express the regret that he felt. Cas's face was nearly blank, his eyes trained on Dean's as he processed his words. Dean bit back the urge to keep explaining, to force Cas to understand. It wasn't enough, Dean knew that; some paltry words could never fix what he had broken, but they were the truth. And if it wasn't enough for Cas, Dean would just find a way to live with it.

Cas drew in a deep breath and leaned forward, taking one of Dean's hands in his own. He shook his head.

"Thank you for the apology. I admit that everything being brought up again after all this time threw me for a loop, but I forgave you a long time ago, Dean."

Dean stared at him, flummoxed. He had betrayed the one person who had meant more to him than anyone outside his family; there had never been anyone since who had been as close to Dean as Cas had been. How was that forgivable?

"We were kids, Dean." Cas smiled gently. "I know we felt so damn grown-up, but I see it every day in my classes. They're 18, 19, even in their twenties, and they think they know everything, that they have it all figured out. But they don't. Nowhere near. And neither did we."

His face hardened as he continued, in contrast to his thumb softly stroking along Dean's wrist. "Add to that what you endured with that Alastair person .... "

"I could've walked away, Cas. I --"

"And we're back to 'you were just a kid.' Yes, you made some bad decisions, things got out of hand," he swallowed, "and people got hurt. But you got out, Dean." Cas smiled widely at him. "Look at you -- even with all that, look at the successes you've had. How did that happen anyway?"

Dean sighed. "It was Sam, actually. He was the real catalyst," he said slowly. It was weird, but even after what he'd done to Cas, what Cas had seen in person, he felt reticent to share the rest of the story with him.

Cas just waited patiently.

"After what happened, what I did ... well, after that night, I kind of threw myself into that whole scene. I just wanted to forget, to not think about it, to prove to myself what an awesome time I was having, that I didn't need you."

It had been a hollow attempt at best, but at least with other people around, he looked like he was having fun.

"It was, I don't know, maybe a year, year and a half later, that Sammy came out for a visit. Nobody had come out before that, except you. I was actually kind of surprised you hadn't told anyone about everything."

"I ... it didn't feel right. Your folks didn't even know I was going then. So, I just told everyone we'd broken up and left it at that. Then I chose a school out of town and ran."

A stab of regret at what could've been left Dean aching to soothe Cas, but he had forfeited that right a long time ago.

"Anyway, Sam came out and well, to put it bluntly, it was a disaster. It all came to a head when I took him to set with me. I was actually stone-cold sober -- he'd been so disapproving of the partying the first couple of days -- I couldn't even get through the scene. Two-eighths of a page and I was ..."

He scoffed, remembering how he'd stumbled over the simple lines, kept missing his mark. Everything had felt so wrong.

"We took five and I found a corner, popped some pills to get my mind straight, and looked up to see Sammy just staring at me. That look in his eyes -- almost the same as yours, and I just..." He blew out a harsh breath. No matter how far he'd come since then, it still crushed him to think how he'd let his little brother down.

"I got through the scene, took Sam out to some shitty diner, and the whole thing just spilled out. I promised him I would stop. I could see in his eyes that he didn't believe me, but that was the beginning."

"The beginning?"

"With Alastair -- getting out from under his thumb, I had to move carefully. It wasn't even what he could do to me or my career; he'd threatened to hurt you, or Sammy. By that point, he wasn't even pretending to be doing anything for me. I started looking for another agent, real quietly; started trying to see if I could get enough dirt on him to, I dunno, blackmail him, or have him arrested.

"I met this guy, another agent, named Crowley. Almost as devious as Alastair, but more upfront about it. He was none too happy about Alastair's schemes and already had enough on him to put him away for a long time. He just needed someone to stand up."

"You?" Cas looked equal parts concerned and impressed.

"Yeah," Dean acknowledged. "I figured it was the least I could do. Screw my career, whatever. I'd go back to Lawrence and work as a mechanic if I had to, but this guy needed taking down and no one else was gonna do it."

"That's amazing, Dean. But I never heard about any of this." He flushed as he continued. "And I kind of followed your career kinda closely."

"Yeah, well, you didn't hear about it 'cause the guy had dirt on everyone and no one wanted him talking in open court. He was arrested, indicted, released on bail... and murdered."

Cas opened his mouth, closed it, almost literally biting back the question.

"It wasn't me, Cas. I don't know who it was; the list of people who wanted him dead is a mile long, at least. But that was that.

"With Crowley's help, I got in a very private rehab, got my career back in a direction that I wanted to go. Haven't touched any non-medically prescribed drugs since.

"I thought about reaching out to you to apologize, but I thought it would just be more painful for you. Or maybe I was just too scared."

Cas squeezed his hand.

"So, that's the whole sordid story."

"Thank you for telling me."

Dean shook his head to clear away the baggage and looked around, trying to escape the raw emotion in Cas's eyes. His fan was still sitting at her table, still tapping vigorously at her phone. A friend had joined her -- a friend whose phone was angled suspiciously in their direction.

He kept his gaze moving, finished looking around the small shop and then back to Cas.

"So, not a big deal, but I think that girl is filming us. Don't look!" he added a Cas inevitably started to turn his head.

"Okay, and ... ?" He followed Dean's lead and started tidying up.

"Well, best case, she and her friend just want some candid footage of me for their personal use. Less great would be if they're planning to share it out publicly."

"Is there a worst case here?"

"If they recognized you and are attaching your name to a livestream video."

"Why would they --?"

Dean almost laughed at the confusion on Cas's face. He stood up as he said, "You're news now, Cas. Just another way for me to screw your life up, I guess. We'd better get going any which way."

Cas stood as well and halted Dean with a hand to his shoulder. Dean turned, stepping to the side to make sure he was between the camera and Cas.

"Dean, the past few weeks have been interesting, and sometimes inconvenient, but it hasn't 'screwed up' anything for me."

"If it gets out that we've seen each other again, it's a whole new ballgame, Cas. Let's go."

He let Cas lead the way to the door, trying to keep him as hidden as possible, and wishing he was a big enough man not to be mentally drooling over Cas's ass.

The bell rang as Cas opened the door and stepped through. Dean was close enough on his heels that he nearly slammed his nose into Cas's skull when he stopped abruptly. Dean looked around as Cas murmured, "I guess it was a live feed after all."

"Well, well, if it isn't Dr. Castiel Novak. And who's he with? Oh, it's the famous Dean Winchester."

From the small crowd of fans and photographers stepped the last person Dean wanted to see at that moment.

"Bela."

(now concluded in Part 6)

Author’s Note: So there was a version where this was the last part -- they met, talked, came to some kind of agreement, and end happily ever after. Then the fan had a friend who had a phone, and Bela just couldn’t stay away, and now I’m not entirely sure where it goes next, so.... fingers crossed that inspiration strikes! Also, I need to work on the next part of my AO3 WIP -- that’s been sitting for months :(

[aphorisnt]

Padawan Ben Continuation Part 10 (End)

You read that right; this is indeed finally the end! Holy shit this has been a wild ride and I’m still kind of in shock that I managed to complete all this abd actually posted it and that so many of you folks actually read and liked it!!

So part 10 is actually 2 parts, what was the rest of part 9 (I split it because 3k is a lot to read in a tumblr post) and an epilogue. I’m not 100% sure I like the epilogue but I’ve looked at it for I don’t know how long and fixing it would entail doubling or tripling the length which would take another few days and I kinda want to get this out now (maybe I’ll rewrite it or make the long version in the future, I dunno).

Huge thank you and endless love and appreciation to @swpromptsandasks​, the one who started it all!! (I know I said most of this already in an ask I sent you but I’m gonna say it again.) Without you none of this would exist and I just can’t thank you enough for the opportunity to finish this fic. Also, without you spreading the word and reblogging, none of the people reading this now would’ve even found it in the first place, so in the end I owe every single like, reblog, reply, ask, and new follower I’ve gotten to you. That support just means so incredibly much to me and I wish I had better words than just “thank you” to express my gratitude.

Another huge thank you to anyone and everyone who has read along with me as I’ve posted this thing!! I can’t put into words how much your support means to me as a beginning fic writer and just in general. I always got so nervous right before posting, just wondering if what I was writing would be even remotely ok, but the overwhelming positive response made everything worth it and it’s thanks to you folks that I’m feeling a tiny bit more confident in my writing. And if any of you have any feedback you want to give or comments you want to make

Thank you everyone who has joined me on this adventure and I hope I do the ending justice!!

(Part 1/Part 2/Part 3/Part 4/Part 5/Part 6/Part 7/Part 8/Part 9)

It started with a small twitch of fingers, the movement barely perceptible and small enough that Anakin might have missed it completely if it weren’t for the accompanying soft nudge he felt through the Force. His eyes snapped open as he pulled himself out of his meditation.

Ben was starting to wake.

Fingers twitched in his hand again, this time stronger and Anakin felt hope begin to swell. He kept his eyes glued to that copper-framed face looking for the slightest flicker of eyelids and listened for any change in the man’s breathing.

“Ben?” he calls gently. “Ben, wake up, it’s me.”

Ben’s eyes stayed shut but this time his face twitched along with his fingers before stilling. Anakin called again, this time a bit louder.

“Ben, it’s me, Anakin, your husband. Can you hear me? Ben, if you can hear me I need you to open your eyes.”

He gently squeezed the other hand in his and reached out with his free hand to stroke his husband’s hair.

Ben’s breathing picked up a bit, his heart rate climbing ever so slightly. He was coming back, surfacing from his long sleep. Anakin could feel it.

“Yes, Ben, I’m here, I’m here. I just need you to come back to me, open your eyes and come back to me.” Reaching out to his husband through the Force, Anakin said, “I love you, Ben. I’m here for you, I’m waiting for you; come on, just open your eyes, even just a crack. Just come back to me.”

“Slowly, with near painful effort, Ben’s eyes blinked open.

“Anakin?” he tried to say, throat dry and voice rough from disuse.

“Ben!” Anakin yelled in sheer joy, nearly launching himself at the other man in his excitement but catching himself just in time. Instead he moved his chair that much closer and leaned over so he could look into Ben’s eyes.

“Oh, Ben,” he said as tears pricked his eyes. “You’re ok.”

He bent forward and pressed a gentle kiss to his husband’s forehead, then pulled back, a huge grin stretching across his face.

“What happened?” Ben asked.

“That’s a long story,” Anakin replied, wiping his eyes. “But it doesn’t matter, the important thing is you’re safe now.

“Water?” Ben asked, unable to say more than a few words at a time.

“Oh, yeah, of course, let me get you some to drink.”

He grabbed the cup of water off of the small bedside table, placing a straw through the lid and handing it to Ben.

“Here, let me help you sit up,” he offered.

He used his arm you pull Ben up to an almost sitting position, supporting Ben who gratefully drained the entire cup. Anakin took the cup back, replacing it on the table, then helped Ben to lie back down.

“Better?” he asked.

“A bit,” Ben answered, voice still rough.

Anakin regained his seat, taking Ben’s hand back in his and returned to carding fingers through Ben’s hair.

“I love you so much,” he whispered reverently.

“Love you,” Ben said back.

Master Che chose that moment to walk into the room.

“Ben!” she exclaimed. “Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes. You look to be doing better. How are you feeling?”

“Tired,” Ben replied.

“After all you’ve been through I would imagine so. Well you can get back to sleep in a bit, but first I need to run some tests and do some labs. If you like, Skywalker here can keep you company,” she said with a grin.

Ben nodded, a smile stretching across his face, and gripped Anakin’s hand that much tighter.

While Che checked him over, Anakin took the opportunity to fill him in on the events of the past several months: Ben falling into a coma, getting kidnapped from the Halls, Palpatine revealing himself and the subsequent battle, the second shorter battle with Ventress in the Works, the chips, and everything else up to that moment. Throughout the whole retelling Anakin kept Ben’s hand in his, only releasing it when he needed to move out of Che’s way.

“But now you’re back and you’re safe and you’re ok,” he reiterated as much for Ben as for himself and squeezed his husband’s hand. Ben just smiled.

All right,” Che said. “I’m all finished. So far you seem to be healing quite nicely. The bacta is doing its job though there may still be a small scar at the incision site and your heart and lungs sound good. You did lose a significant amount of weight during your convalescence and we’ll work on putting that back on you as you recover. We’ll start slow, liquids only, and then we’ll steadily bump you up toward the high calorie diet you’ll need. You’re also pretty dehydrated right now, but between the IV drip and just drinking enough glasses we should be able to solve that quickly. You also spent a few days in a Force suppression collar while with Ventress, so if the Force feels a little hard to reach, that’s why, but your Force sense should return to normal in a few days.

“Now,” she said, voice turning stern. “You are going to be on strict bed rest for a while. That means no getting up or walking around except to use the refresher, and even then I want you to get someone to help you for at least today and tomorrow. I don’t care how good you think you’re feeling or how recovered you think you are, you are not to get out of this bed until I say so. Is that clear?”

Ben made a face, hating being stuck in the halls, but he acquiesced. “Fine. No moving.”

“Don’t worry, Master Che, I’ll make sure Ben follows your instructions to the letter.”

Ben narrowed his eyes at Anakin, unhappy at this betrayal, but Anakin just smiled back.

“That’s what I was counting on,” Che said.

“Well, that’s all I have for now until we process these labs. Remember: you,” she said pointing at Ben. “Bed rest. And you,” she turned to Anakin who grimaced. “You can visit a while longer but then you need sleep. Don’t make me hit you with a sedative. Now, if you’ll excuse me.”

With that she swept out of the room.

Ben turned to Anakin, narrowing his eyes again. “Sleep?”

Anakin smiled sheepishly. “I know, I know, I’m sorry, just I was too worried about you to sleep. I know I need to take care of myself, and I will, but later.”

“No, we’ll sleep now.”

“We?” Anakin asked.

Ben nodded and pulled Anakin’s hand, inviting him up into the bed. Anakin gently helped Ben shuffle over and climbed into the space on the bed before pulling Ben to lie against his chest.

“I love you so much,” Anakin said, pressing a kiss to the top of Ben’s head.

“Love you,” Ben said back, voice tired and eyes already drooping.

Anakin wrapped his arms tighter around Ben holding his husband close, and the two quickly drifted off to sleep.

Epilogue

“Sure, you are that want this, you do?”

Anakin and a fully recovered Ben stood hand in hand before the full Council, every one of the Masters present. It had been one year since Palpatine had died, the Sith dying with him. A full year since the end of the Clone Wars and peace was restored to the galaxy. A full year since saving Ben.

While his recovery had been long and arduous, Ben had since gained back most of the weight and muscle he had lost, was performing katas and sparring at near his former ability, and was one check-up with the healers away from being put back on active duty.

Or he would have been.

“We’re sure, Master,” Ben said, smiling at the diminutive green Jedi. We have thought long and hard on this, have spent much time meditating and discussing, and I believe we are following the will of the Force.”

He squeezed Anakin’s hand and Anakin shot him a quick smile before turning back to face the Masters.

“ We both agree that this is what’s right for us,” Anakin added. “It’s what we want and what we need. I talked it over with Master Jinn as well and he supports us in this. We’ve made our decision.”

The Council members looked at them with expressions ranging from gentle smiles of encouragement to outright sneering disgust. Not that it mattered to Anakin anymore; he was done caring about what the council thought.

Yoda just gazed at them both, face sad for a moment, before a tiny smile broke out.

“Understand and respect your choices, I do, and wish you well.”

“Thank you, Master Yoda,” they both said in unison.

“Well then,” Mace said. “Let it be recorded that on this day, Knight Anakin Skywalker and Padawa–“

“Wait a moment, you will,” Yoda interrupted, holding up one hand. “Other business we must attend to first. Ben,” he beckoned to his Padawan. “Step forward please.”

Ben looked confused for a moment but did as asked, walking closer to the front of the room and standing in front of his Master. Yoda stood up from his chair and walked to meet him.

“Kneel, you will,” Yoda said.

Ben again followed instructions and dropped to one knee.

“Ben, a wonderful Padawan you have been. Learned much you have; an accomplished Jedi and good man you have become. Proud I am to have been your Master. Many trials this year, you endured, and faced them all you did, mastered them. For that, upon you I bestow the title of Jedi Knight.”

Yoda stepped forward and, in one quick motion, ignited his lightsaber and severed Ben’s padawan braid. He then pressed the braided strands into his apprentice’s–now former apprentice’s–hand.

Ben just stared at him in shock. “Master?” he asked.

“Deserve this, you do,” Yoda said. “And forever acknowledged your skills and efforts will be.

A wide grin stretched across Ben’s face and he leaned forward, wrapping his arms around the Master in a tight hug.

“Thank you,” he whispered, tears pricking his eyes. “For everything.”

They broke the embrace but before Yoda could return to his seat Ben caught him by the arm.

“Wait, Master, I want you to have this.” He pressed the braid into Yoda’s hand and closed three clawed fingers around it.

“Thank you, Padawan,” he replied with a smile, and before Ben could interrupt he said, “because to me, my Padawan you will always be.”

Ben stood back up and returned to his place next to Anakin, who quickly pulled him into a tight hug.

“All right,” Mace said. “Then let it be recorded that on this day, Knight Anakin Skywalker and Knight Ben have chosen to step away from the Order and live their lives as private citizens. From this moment on they are no longer a part of the Jedi Order.”

Anakin grinned, the smile stretching wide across his face. It was over; they had done it. He and Ben were free to live their lives however they chose, together forever as husbands.

“Thank you,” Anakin said, bowing in once last show of Jedi decorum. He decided he could give the council that much.

Ben followed his lead, bowing as well, and the two walked forward to hand over their lightsabers but Mace just shook his head.

“Keep them,” he said. “You’ve earned them.”

With one final glance back, Ben and Anakin rejoined hands and turned to walk out of the council chambers for the last time. Anakin wasn’t sure how he felt. There was joy at finally leaving the order and escaping the council’s judgment, but also sadness and a little fear at leaving the life he’d spent so long building. One look at Ben, however, and everything but overwhelming love faded away.

“So,” he said, still smiling. “What would you like to do on our first day as not Jedi?”

“I don’t know,” Ben answered. “But I don’t really care as long as it’s with you.”

Anakin leaned over and kissed his husband’s cheek. The two of them continued on their way, walking out the main Temple entrance, down the stairs, and into their new lives.

[stargirlkatara]

A Real Knight in Shining Armor

Based on (x) (original source no longer has it). Here, have a one shot of fluffy modern bellarke where Bellamy takes care of a Clarke on her period. 

Clarke has had her period for 11 years now, over her half her life. She’s gotten used to it just like every girl. She takes birth control to keep her symptoms under control, but there are some times when Mother Nature decides to just be an outright bitch and make life miserable for the week. She hasn’t had cramps and an aching body this bad since she was in middle school! Usually, she has to just deal with a ridiculous amount of hormones that makes her want to jump anyone in sight, specifically her TA Bellamy Blake. It’s just a nice fantasy because one, he could get fired and two, they’ve become amazing friends over the past year. That is after hating each other’s guts and arguing about everything for the first few months.

She was supposed to have 2 classes today, one with Bellamy, but she couldn’t even bear to get out of bed. She emailed her professors that she wouldn’t be able to make it and then went back to sleep.

It’s noon the next time she wakes up. She reads a text from her roommate Raven that she sent earlier.

Raven: I’m headed to class and have to work on a project so I won’t be back till late! Don’t wait up for me <3

Raven is her best friend and she doesn’t know if she would have gotten through those first two years of college without her. She’s tough as nails and doesn’t take “no” for an answer. Clarke sends a quick text back.

Clarke: Okay babe!

Clarke’s stomach growls, she hasn’t eaten yet today. Maybe that’ll help her aching body. That and some good ol’ Midol.

She manages to trudge her way to the kitchen. Nothing looks appetizing yet she wants to eat it all. She settles on a bowl of cereal. She eats and takes her pills. Now she just has to wait for the medicine to kick in.

She figures it about time that she changed her tampon, so now she trudges her way to the bathroom. She reaches under the counter to grab one, but there isn’t any. She pulls out the box, it’s empty! Shit!

She checks to see if she has any pads and yet again she strikes out. No, no, no, no, no.

“You’ve got to be kidding me!”

She crouches down, even though her entire body protests and looks to see if there are any unopened boxes. After shuffling things around and messing up her organized setup, she still finds nothing. Raven should have some!

She stands up from her awkward position and texts quickly.

Clarke: Hey! Do you have any tampons or pads I can use?!

She’s happy she doesn’t have to wait long for the reply.

Raven: Oh no!! I don’t have any! I’m on the IUD, remember?

Clarke: What girl doesn’t have any pads?

Raven: Well apparently your forgetful ass lol and a girl who’s had the IUD for a year and doesn’t want to pay luxury tax!

Clarke: Fair, fair. Ugh! I ache and don’t want to leave!

Raven: I’m sorry girl! If I didn’t have this project, I’d so get you some

Clarke: It’s cool, it’s cool! Good luck! I’ll figure something out!

Raven: Alright girl! Good luck! Ily!

Clarke: Ily too!

Clarke walks over to her bed and plops down. She’s got a tampon that needs to be changed. She’s not going to go into toxic shock syndrome or anything, it’s just really uncomfortable right now. She looks over at her clock, 1:15. Her last class should have let out and that means Bellamy should be free. She can always text him. He had a younger sister, she’s sure he’s done stuff like this before.

She decides to try her luck.

Clarke: Hey!

She waits for a while before she gets a reply. He was probably talking with students. She smiles to herself, he tries so hard and would make an amazing professor.

Bellamy: Hey! Where were you today! Kane said he got an email from you saying you wouldn’t make it cause you’re sick. Are you? You seemed fine yesterday…

Clarke: Kinda sick… sick with mother nature’s awful bloody gift

Bellamy: Ohhhh, I’m sorry! I can catch you up when you’re feeling better.

Clarke: That’d be great! But first I have a favor to ask…

Bellamy: Sure.

Clarke: Would you be able to stop and buy me some tampons? Please?

Clarke: If you can? I’ll pay you back!

Bellamy: Um, yeah sure! I’ll pack up a few things and head to the store. I’ll be right over.

Clarke: THANK YOU!

Bellamy: Lol, no problem! Give me like 30 minutes.

Clarke was so relieved, her knight in shining armor.

She tries to situate herself so she can get some work done while she waits but she can’t concentrate. She’s not sure if the medicine kicked in or not, but she still feels miserable.

She ends up just scrolling through social media. She receives another text from Bellamy not even 15 minutes later. Wow, that was fast!

Bellamy: Why are tampons so expensive?

Clarke: I’ll pay you back later just hurry

Bellamy: No I mean like… You don’t get to choose to have your period. You have to have it, and you have to pay so much for it!

Clarke: Yessss I know but you don’t have time for preaching right now

Bellamy: Sorry, it’s really unfair.

Clarke: Believe me I know! Didn’t you have to get stuff like this for your sister?

Bellamy: Yeah when she was like 10, but then she wanted to just get it herself so I gave her some cash and she went and got some when we were at the store. It’s been like 10 years!

Clarke: LMAO

Bellamy: Okay so how many do you need? There’s a pack of 100, will you need that many?

Bellamy: Holy shit! There are packages with even more!

Clarke: Just get a normal one with like 20 or something

Bellamy: Won’t you need more though? Aren’t I getting these because you ran out?

Clarke: I don’t care! Just get me some and I’ll pay you back!

Clarke is almost laughing hysterically at their conversation. She thought for sure Bellamy would know what to do because cause he had to take care of his sister, turns out he’s just like every other guy in that sense that he managed to find a way around it!

After she calms down a bit she goes back to browsing on her computer. It’s about 15 minutes later she hears a knock on her apartment door.

She slowly makes her way to the door. When she opens it, there’s a nervous Bellamy on the other side. She waves him inside and shuts the door he starts unpacking the bag and gives her a sheepish smile. “Hey! I got a pack of twenty like you said and got some chocolate. I didn’t know which kind you liked so I got both milk and dark.” Clarke’s heart just melts. If she wasn’t falling for him before she definitely was now. Stupid heart.

She walks up to him and gives him a giant hug. He wraps his arms around her, she basks in the warmth radiating from him. It feels so good. She manages to mutter into his arm, “Thank you so much Bell!”

He kisses the top of her head and whispers, “Anytime.” They’re treading dangerous territory for teacher-student, even if they are friends. They both let go and have a blush gracing their faces. For a brief moment, her body didn’t ache. They smile like idiots for a moment until Clarke breaks. She has to go change her tampon. She grabs the box of tampons and goes to the bathroom as quickly and her body will allow.

Bellamy just waits patiently in the kitchen. He wonders if this girl will finally get it through her thick skull that he really likes her. Maybe they’ll get some good cuddle action too. (They do. Clarke’s cold feet and all.)