#holy fuck i wrote a lot
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“We need to know less about each other,” Leo whispered against Jason’s lips. He swallowed dryly, closing his eyes for a simple moment before he dropped his head onto Jason’s shoulder and breathed.
Jason rested his head back against the wall behind him, staring up at the shining and twinkling stars and constellations in the dark blue blanket of a sky. His hands were cradling Leo’s head, fingers tangled in brown curls. His heart thudded in his chest, his cheeks burning and flushed with crimson red as the blood rushed to his face.
It was unfair, he thought.
How easy it was for Leo take his heart and shatter it like a stick hitting a drum, lightning crackling from the ground into the clouds. They were outside by the bar, celebrating with the others late on a summer night where it was hot enough during the day but worse once the sun had set. It was unfair, he thought, how Leo could say that after so long. “I can’t know less about you, Leo.”
Jason could never forget or unlearn what has been engraved in his mind like etchings on stone tablets. He would always remember the slightest shine in big brown eyes when he would gesture wildly with his hands as he spoke about something he was passionate about or the curl of his lips that would spread into a grin that was the most beautiful thing he could witness.
The touches that were searing hot and burned his fingertips into Jason’s skin, every nerve tingling until he was on fire. Jason memorized the specific pattern of Leo’s heartbeat underneath his palm, the scars on his arm that were shaped like a constellation, and how every curl hung over his eyes or curled up on the crown of his head; fluffy, soft curls that felt like he could fly running his hands through each strand and twirling it between his fingers.
He could never know less about Leo Valdez because his very soul was made to absorb every detail about him like the fact he would chew on his lip a few times before biting the inside of his cheek when he was overwhelmed. Leo had the habit of tapping his finger, whistling or humming to himself in concentration. How his voice was smooth but there was quirks of an accent, a rasp with certain words and a slip into the swirls of the Spanish language.
Leo pulled away, his hands sliding off of Jason’s waist to the wall on either side of his head, caging him in as if his mind and mouth was saying one thing but his body and heart were saying another. “This was a mistake.”
Jason looked at him with sad eyes, gripping his hair between his fingers as he shook his head. “Was it? Or are you saying that because you feel guilty? I don’t want to be strangers, don’t do that to me.”
“We should’ve stayed strangers since the very beginning, Jason.” Leo sighed and hovered his hand near Jason’s cheek, heat radiating from the close vicinity of his palm to his skin before he leaned away and gently removed Jason’s hands from his hair. “You’re everything to me, you know.”
“Am I? It doesn’t seem like it.”
“You are.”
“I hate you,” Jason lied and he lied painfully. His body was resting against the wall, using it as support as he stared into Leo’s features, sky blue irises roaming over his figure, his hands, his hair, his lips. He could never truly hate him because he fell in love with him but it wasn’t enough. Jason would never be enough.
Leo didn’t reply for several moments. His hands were limp at his sides, the area was barely illuminated and masked his fingers curling into his palms, nails digging into his skin and created crescent shapes. He knew Jason would never hate him but he wished he would. Leo deserved it for hurting him in such a way, for cradling him and embracing him the way lovers of so many years do. They weren’t official, they never would be, but it hurt. It ripped Leo apart. It was as if smoke infiltrated his lungs and drowned out the oxygen, stealing away his ability to breathe. “I know.”
#valgrace#jason grace#leo valdez#pjo#hoo#heroes of olympus#percy jackon and the olympians#percy jackson#fic#my writing#valgraceweek24#i love this so much oh my gods guys#my writing truly exceeds expectations when written at 1:45am (at the time of tagging this)#on my phone while so very sleepy#and my writing on my phone is never at its best#so this says a lot#FUCK i love this wait#this is actually like my best oneshot to date#this right here is my favorite holy shit okay#wrote this on the fourth of july too HELP#get wine and cheesecake guys#this is a doozy
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guys, my autistic ass brain has come up with a new idea.
hear me out.
twilight stuilly.
billy is our edward here obviously, that man screams vampire to me.
but at the same time i feel like his parent situation is more applicable in being able to write him as our bella.
and then theres the whole issue of who the other members of our vampire family would be.
#i want to make this work because my gay ass loves this shit#but holy fuck theres a lot to figure out#i know i want whoever 'bella' is to have a more absentee parent than charlie is in twilight#bc more room for shenanigans obv#plus that idea just makes more sense for both of them regardless of who i make our human#and i want it to have an ending more akin to life and death#which is the 'gender bent' version of twilight that smeyer wrote#in which beau (boy bella) becomes a vampire at the end of the first book instead of after four books of bullshit#idk yall maybe ill flesh this out more tomorrow#billy loomis#stu macher#scream 1996#stuilly#the twilight saga#billy x stu#stu x billy
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so like i only now found out i did a massive oopsie in the esau!red son one-shot and i wanna smack myself for not havin noticed that when i always read over my fics at least one more time before publishing them
WHAT AM I READING
HOW TF DID I NOT NOTICE THIS
THAT WAS LITERALLY ONE OF THE FIRST SENTENCES
i also flip through my cake's pages of recipe for book, yes yes
#emelin rambles#just edited that shit out everywhere hfgnfhgnhfg#like i know i wrote a lot in that one-shot on phone#but holy fuck#usually it's just typos or a word being used twice on accident
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today my prof told us about how he received hate mail and a cartoon insult drawing over one of his post-doc papers. ah climate change
#he was like 'yeah this is my paper i wrote in [this year] in response to [this guys 1998] paper#i uh received a lot of hate mail and stuff over it. some articles and such#someone drew me as a little cartoon here which is pretty cool. in it theyre basically calling me a liar.'#hes the most deadpan dude and i was CRACKING UP. holy fuck#me sitting in that class was like the epitome of 'i was so in love with researching and new disoveries that i lived in a#world where the political side of global warming didnt exist'#anyway todays lecture was hella depressing#yippee!#ollie rambles#keeping it vaguer bc i dont wanna get TOO obvious in my self doxxing . lmfao
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also while im online. smtimes i forget other people read what i write bc i finish a fic and boom its out of sight out of mind until someone leaves a comment and I just....
WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO ALARMS, NO SURPRISES HAS 13K HITS and almost 500 kudos???
DAMN.
#chao time#i didn't think a lot of people would read it is all!!!! like im so happy#and pleased it touched a lot of people#and im probably going to start a rewrite of it or outline a sequel soon#but HOLY FUCK#I really wrote that one for ME specifically and i still am just in awe over how many people resonated with it#woah.#i rlly just used that fic to cope with my own relapse so like#idk
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Does anyone have the tweet where it's like tri/stamp ep 8 baby vash BEAMING when luida says that instead of being handcuffed and locked up they're going to place a guard on him instead captioned "his bar for being treated well is in HELL" because I just watched that episode and am like. Shaking. Lmao.
#tristamp luida i hate you FOREVER. brad you have not escaped my wrath either#bad designs bad people.#i literally. i do not have the time to get into how horrifying and evil 'home' was. the genre of that episode was horror.#i'm sorry i'm sure lots of people enjoy them and ship three but like. that was abuse.#that was abuse and neglect and child labor and exploitation (?!?!??!?!?!?!?!) and they just BRUSH IT OFF?#i know why tristamp vash is the way he is. i understand him now. holy fucking shit#i thought the 'having his worth and safety directly connected to his ability to Do Things for others' was bad enough but#they also just straight up gaslight him. lol!#frankly so far tristamp knives has told no lies.#kay talks#wrote this last night in a fugue state and will not be editing ✌️ love and peace
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It's become a love story!
Part 1! Part 3!
This is part 2 of Ace stealing a label printer! @rose-lord-of-simps decided to venture it into ADeuce, it made it's ship sail in my headcanons, lol.
I have little breaks of conversation, and because it's just spurt they're gonna be colored. Code! Ace, Deuce, Yuu/MC. These are the colors I'm using!
Again! Whatever is colored purple, or has purple quotes(""), Rose did!
☆ Yuu took the label printer for a minute, and stuck "kiss here" right on his cheek.
~ ♡ Straight up yelled for Deuce to come over.
"DEUCE!" "Ow!" "Shut up." "WHAT?!" "COME OVER HERE!" "WHY?!" "JUST DO IT!"
☆ It takes him a bit of yelling, but he comes over.
"Read it." "Why?" "Just do it!"
☆ When Deuce reads it, he gets hella flustered. Like, he needs a reboot flustered. Bluescreens.
☆ It goes one of two ways.
~ ♡ Either, Yuu gets tired of waiting, and they just shove him into Ace.
"What the fuck does the label even say, Deuce? Why ate you acting str-" As Ace turns his head, the shove, that was admittedly a little harder than Yuu meant to do, gets him a kiss.
~ ♡ Orr...
~ ♡ Ace gets tired of standing and looks at what the label says.
Deuce, still stunned, doesn't do anything. He stands still, red faced. Ace, who has an idea of what Yuu planed and is getting tired of being stared at, peels the label off of his cheek and reads it. He's flustered at what it says, his intuition being correct, and then insecurity hits hard. His thoughts being, 'he really doesn't want to kiss me' and 'he really doesn't want me like that?' He throws the label in the trash, and tries to play it off, like he isn't hurt. "Pfft, really Yuu? If that's your idea of a prank, it's a really lame one. Not even good. Anyway, hey! Let's go put 'whore' on Caters door!" As Ace leaves his spot, Deuce finally snaps out of his little bluescreen state and his immediate thought is 'damn...I missed my chance...'
☆ Deuce feels bad, he didn't want this to happen. He wanted to kiss Ace, just...not like that. Not with a label put on Ace's cheek telling him to.
☆ They go, they go and cause more chaos. Deuce is a little out of it, quiet and not contributing much after the stunt Yuu pulled.
~ ♡ Yuu feels a little upset with themselves for possibly fucking up a good friendship.
~ ♡ They were sure, so sure, that they liked each other. That Ace liked Deuce too.
~ ♡ Deuce had told Yuu that he thinks he has a crush on Ace, that he doesn't know how to deal with it or tell him.
~ ♡ When Ace had hungout with Yuu alone, every time they had talked about Deuce, Ace looked like he was in love. And while he hadn't outright confessed to liking Deuce, his look alone convinced Yuu that he liked him. Could that just've been Ace ignoring Yuu and thinking of someone else?
☆ Anyway, they have their fun. And when it's later, and Yuu and Grimm have left, Deuce and Ace linger about and hang about for longer.
Deuce wants to confess, and he does. Man doesn't know anything about subtlety. How to be subtle or picking up on subtlety. So, he just says what he's thinking. "I wanted to kiss your cheek." And he says that not fully looking at Ace, because while he means it, he's still embarrassed to say it. Ace just kinda looks at him, very confused, as he's already forgotten about the 'kiss here' label. "What?" "It's not that I didn't want to... you know, I just- I've never even held hands with anyone, I'm bad at affection." "Deuce, you don't have to explain this to me, it's not like we're dating or anything, don't worry." "I will worry! You looked so sad after removing it..." "It's fine! I'm fine! Shut. Up." "But it's not fine!" "Why not?" "Because I wanted to kiss you!" And Ace's heart stops. "I want to hold hands with you! In a not friends way, Ace! And I don't...I don't know what to do about it." And...they don't kiss. Ace doesn't lean in. But, he does reach for Deuce's hand, deciding to awkwardly hold it, not looking at his face. And Deuce squeezes his hand back, continuing to spout his hear out. He goes on until Ace has to shut him up. And Ace pulls him into a hug, both boys being close to tears.
☆ Deuce absolutely tells his mother.
~ ♡ He's so embarrassed that he has to tell her that he announced his crush through a fucking label printer.
~ ♡ That it was a set up from their mutual friend.
~ ♡ That he was almost heart broken and almost didn't have a chance to explain himself.
☆ His mom is laughing and gushing, happy that her baby boy got to tell his crush he likes them.
~ ♡ She absolutely thinks it's the cutest shit, and will absolutely tease the hell out of him when he comes back for a visit.
~ ♡ Ace overhears and teases Deuce while he's still on call with his mother, like he also wasn't almost heartbroken and like he isn't blushing to high hell.
☆ When Deuce ends the call, he starts to wrestle Ace out of embarrassment.
☆ Both of them are asexual, and neither of them think to tell each other, simply because it just doesn't come up.
~ ♡ They both think it's gross, so they just snuggle up and watch really bad horror movies together.
☆ Someone homophobic tries to tease them like, "ew, who's the bottom?"
~ ♡ They're both hell confused, thinking "why the hell would I look at his ass bro?"
~ ♡ And then they both go on there merry way to Yuu, not giving a fuck about this rando.
~ ♡ Deuce probably wants, or tries, to knock this dudes lights out, but Ace just grabs his arm drags his ass away.
☆ Sometime later in their relationship, maybe their second or third year of school/dating, one or both of them will realize that the other hasn't brought up or asked about sex.
~ ♡ It sparks something in their shared braincell that it's something that they should probably talk about.
~ ♡ And Ace knows he's ace. Deuce has just never thought about, or never really cared about it.
☆ If they both realize, they start talking about it at the same time.
"Hey, so uh... Oh, sorry, you first-" Deuce stays quiet, because he wants to be polite to his boyfriend, so Ace, realizing he isn't gonna talk after a minute, starts talking first. "So...you haven't uh....god this is hard to talk about..." And Deuce, being clueless even though he's thinking the same exact thing Ace is, asks "What is?" and it's almost clear as day on his face that he's thinking the worst. "You uh, you haven't...brought up...sex?"
☆ And poor, poor Deuce just blanks again. And he's looking at Ace the same way he looked at Malleus after he fixed his Tamagotchi.
~ ♡ He's so relieved that his first and only partner isn't breaking up with him. But he's so confused at the same time.
~ ♡ Yeah, he wanted to bring up the same topic, but he wasn't sure that Ace wanted to talk about it too.
And Ace just keeps going. He's a bit too embarrassed about it so he's looking down, and because he's looking away from Deuce, he doesn't notice that his boyfriend is just, looking at him. Basically staring into space, even though he is paying attention. "So, because you haven't brought it up, I wanted to know if...you're ace too?" And Deuce, his himbo self, who doesn't know a thing about LGBTQ+ terms, only knowing the basics gay, bi, and lesbian, just confusedly goes, "No?? You're Ace?" Bare with him, he's having a dumb moment and is only thinking it's Aces' name. Ace looks up, not seeing the confusion on Deuce's face, as he's looking everywhere but his face. "Yeah, I'm ace. I'm not really interested/have very little interest in having sex." Deuce gets it now, kind of. "Oh! Same!" ...And now Ace is confused. "But...you just said you weren't ace?" "Cause I'm not?" And Ace now realizes that he's attracted to morons. "...No...No, dude, babe, I don't mean in names. I mean asexual." "...Oh? Oh. Ooohhhhh." "I love you, but for Sevens sake you're dumb." "Awww, I love you too!" and he just makes this face -> ^^ And then it turns to realization "...wait a minute, HEY!" and now he's pouting.
☆ Ace starts laughing at Deuce, only to abruptly stop a couple seconds after he realized what he said and starts turning redder than Riddles hair.
~ ♡ He needs a reboot.
☆ Deuce gets a little worried, cause his partner was just laughing at him and now he looks likes he's having a fever.
"Are you okay?" "I- you- we- aaaAaaAaAHHHHH!" "Ace, hun, I don't know what you're trying to say. Can you calm down a little?" "YOU JUST SAID 'I LOVE YOU'! I JUST SAID 'I LOVE YOU'!" He's having a panic moment, give him a minute. After he's said that, Deuce is also having a panic. He goes beat red and hides his face in his hands. "....Say it again." "Uh- huh- wha-?" "Come on, don't...don't make me ask again." "...I love you?" "Mm! Again?" He's red in the face as he let's out a startled squeak. "I love you." It's firmer now, no hint of question, but said with a nervous, yet adoring, laughter.
☆ The interaction a couple more times, whoever you pictured(Deuce, personally, duh) asking "again" ends up jumping on the other, giving him a kiss.
~ ♡ It shocks him, but he's quick to reciprocate.
~ ♡ I would say it's the first time they kissed, but I'd be a liar(I forgot what year this was for them, lol. It's been 2+, they almost definitely kissed.)
~ ~ ♡ While it wasn't their first kiss, it's one of their more memorable ones.
☆ No matter who said what, Deuce is picking Ace up, and spinning them around, he's just so happy. They both start laughing, Ace is on the verge of happy tears and Deuce is already crying.
"Do I even weigh anything to you?" "No! It's like holding a couple of grapes." While Deuce is either giving a sheepish smile, or a bright beam of a smile, Ace is becoming a blushing mess. Especially after the first time he asks. Every once in a while, I'd say for every special occasion, every four or five months, or whenever Ace has forgotten he's like a feather to Deuce, he will always ask this question. And every single time, he blushes almost just as hard as the first time. It doesn't help that Deuce always ends his answer with a kiss to Ace's cheek.
#holy fucking shit#twst yuu#i really thought it'd end here#nope#me and it wrote a lot apparently#twst ace#twst deuce#adeuce#twst#twisted wonderland#ace trappola#deuce spade#baat writes#i really thought i'd get to put riddle's little spat here lol
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I FINISHED THE FIC
HOLY SHIT
JUST GOTTA EDIT MY LAST 2 CHAPTERS
#theyre... 15k each lol this was a lot#i could split it into 3 chapters but... i want to get it out there#im gonna edit it tomorrow#pre editing? 87k holy fuck. i wrote 84k in 9 days. yikes
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God I could and should write a whole fucking book by the end of this life here on Lev and his symbols
ill write it then burn it before anyone else gets a copy. or i wont. im supposed to be helping him this incarnation here to get a better anchor in this plane so maybe it would help more than itd be weird - im just getting from him the energy of "yeah no people already effectively have these things, people on my plane already know me inside and out to an extensive degree, may as well have it here too" you know. fair
#~abyssal murmurs#ugh god i love his tone saying that tho. i kept trying to prod to see if it was a ''ugh yeah people know me inside and out and Yes Its#Invasive But -'' but no#oh my god man. his like energy towards his people is..... BEFORE I SAY THIS#I HOPE YOU ALL KNOW IM ANTI PROPAGANDA. the biggest reason i dont work with Lu and others is bc theres this tendency to#be like ''we're darkness but also light! we're teachers we're enlightened we're pure in our own way and the kings are here to#teach you how to empower yourselves and they love all worshipers and they reject all tyrannical authority and they are the good guys#against the chrxstian god who (insert specific atrocity that actually was committed by the kings not the 'chrxstian god' - and#''demons'' should KNOW that because it was AN IMPORTANT PART OF THE WAR so either theyre LYING orrrrr) and we're actually#really down to earth and more holy than anyone else bc we're enlightened - i mean uh uh no wait that contradicts us being#against the love and light style of enlightenment chasing'' like. i will tell you that my boss has massacred a lot of people i will tell yo#im anti monarchy and i dont believe that the kings' peoples are any better than 'angels' and i will tell you a lot of innocents on both#sides have been lost bc of royalty and rich families the kings are directly tied to#so i hope you know that when i say the way lev treats his people in his mind is..... holy shit#i pick apart everything he does. ive seen sides of him that are dark af (and i love him for them lmfao) but as soon as his people are#involved... have you ever been w someone getting hot and bothered and a kid walks in that you thought was sleeping and you just switch#completely into parent mode like. he'll have complex fictions w me helping me write stories about corrupt monarchies and shit#and then no. he is like. hes very good at mindset switching and going immediately into different faces but i swear#his ''i am a king and a king is a head of a mass of people - a king is a servant to his people'' mode is like. impenetrable#he is so. fucking intensely single-minded and trained to be a king unlike anyone else. anyway what was i talking about#OH YEAH. his tone w what i wrote in the post. was so switched into that mode of ''my viscera is theirs to eat as Im splayed on their table#and this is divine ruling. this is my purpose with them'' type shit. PURE thought. there is no other energy i can find in it other than#pure ''this is my job and i do it''. pure as in distilled. a pure tone like a sine wave played on a synth as opposed to a string plucked#leviathan //#ive. im nervous about saying the shit ive said here lmfao but ive had his OK before to say it ALSO. AS I SAID. theres no way his people#dont know the massacre was done by the kings lmfao. like. yall were involved. and also you all have to know that one of the#people that pretends to be the christian god is. two of the kings actually and since lev commonly appears to people and lets them#decide who he is bc hes never arsed making a show of Being Leviathan and whatnot im sure hes been called God plenty of times#too but like. cmon. I dont know who started the ''oh the uh the invading heaven and killing off half the population was the#chrxstian god'' rumour but i was first exposed to it through lu and (his wife) worshipers so yall get the blame - that said...
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Cali had Laila in a near bone-crushing hug with her face pressed to the sheep sinner's stomach. Laila herself was laying on her back and holding onto Cali, soothing the Imp as her body spasmed with the orgasm that overtook her.
She had never felt this sort of physical pleasure before. She had never felt the touch of another in such an intimate manner. Briefly, memories of the times when people tried to take Cali somewhere private flashed in her mind but those moments were immediately squashed by the shudders running through her body. There was no way they could compare to now.
Her breath and body were trembling and tears were falling unbidden from her eyes as she lifted her head to look back at Roako. He had just pulled his head away from her snatch and was watching her, rubbing massaging her lower back and ass while Cali calmed down. She saw the focus in his eyes directed at her. A hunger that both frightened and enticed her at the same time and, for the first time in her life, made her feel wanted.
Her body moved before her mind fully registered what she was doing. Spreading her legs and getting to her knees, she never breaks the hug with Laila as she presents herself for this man to take her.
He lines himself up and she feels the tip of one of those massive cocks. The feeling brings her back to reality for a second and panic flashes through her mind as she remembers just how big he is. Would it fit? Is it going to hurt? How much is this going to change her?! Cali wants to say something but Roako moves before she can get the chance.
Her gaze snaps forward, eyes wide and mouth open in a silent scream as she feels every inch push inside with practiced ease. Her mind struggles to catch up while her senses adjust to these new sensations but when they do, the sound that comes from her mouth sounds more like a groaning beast than anything. Her tense body finally relaxes and her eyes go half-lidded while Roako holds her in place.
He starts off slow, using his hands to hold her hips in place while he thrusts and sets the pace. Cali can't move. She doesn't WANT to move! She just wants more and Roako was all too happy to give it.
Time goes by, minutes turn to hours, and finally morning comes to find Cali being pounded and screaming in ecstasy like a seasoned whore. She lost track of the amount of orgasms she's had but couldn't care less as she feels another one approaching. Only this time, Roako was approaching his climax as well. Cali could feel it. His thrusts were fiercer, his cock was harder, his eyes screwed shut as his moans rose in pitch with hers.
He pushed as far in as he could go, stretching her more than he had over their entire romp as his knot swelled and locked them together. The feeling of his cum scalding her insides push her into her final and hardest climax yet, milking him for every drop he could give.
By the time she could think again, fatigue had overtaken them both as they moved to lay on their sides. Stuck as they were, Cali had no choice but to wait until Roako's knot deflated enough for them to separate. She didn't mind though. Laila on one side, Roako on the other, feeling warm both inside and out....
She had a feeling she was going to like living here.
#Cali IC!#Roako IC!#Laila IC!#HH/HB Verse!#Long Post!#NSFPC: Not Safe For Public Consumption!#Holy FUCK was this a lot to write!#This is sort of the companion piece i said i would write for Cali meeting Roako and Laila#It's been a while since i wrote actual smut though so it may not be the best....#Let me know if this needs any additional tags!
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my mom wants so desperately for me to start getting paid for writing. girl i wrote fanfiction i have like 20 people who are user subbed to me on ao3. idk what kind of payment youre expecting to happen or whos gonna be paying me
#bee buzzes#shes been going on abt it for months#but esp since i got home#she keeps begging me to just become a writer#im a fucking bio major#like she wants me to give that up#i love bio sm#shes the opposite of the expectation but. just as bad.#i wanna work with biology why do you want me to stop that and become a full time writer#first of all. very little money could ever come from that unless smth i wrote REALLY popped off#so either way itd prob have to be a side hustle#second of all. holy shit let me live my fucking life#i write for fun i enjoy doing events like this bc of the prompts and the comments from my recipients#i dont get why EVETYTHING has to be abt money#also. i think its mostly bc i write a lot and dont do much relating to bio in my free time#even tho i was in science olympiad for 7 years and then wrote tests for it after i graduated#and other than that theres not much for me to fucking do in that realm#at least not to the degree that theres stuff i can do for writing
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#okay this is my newest strange obsession and i couldnt tell you why#but basically i want to create a podcast#i started writing a story like five or six years ago#but yknow how stories go. i wrote most of it. brainstormed a lot. daydreamed a lot#its partially written#but its been abandoned for awhile#but im obsessed with fiction podcasts. theyre one if my favorite things#anything by atypical artists. the antique shop. dreamboy (although that one was really fucking weird). im listening to mabel rn#(Mabel is taking awhile because its spooky as hell. 10/10)#and i realized. holy shit. this story would work so well as a podcast. much better than in novel format#its written as little segments from each of the characters. i realized i can frame it as audio journal entries#it could work so well.#problems im running into: it would require four other voice actors. i cant afford to pay other voice actors#i dont know how to properly record. or edit. or how to upload it anywhere. or literally anything.#but my heart is so set on making this podcast :(#i havent even fully written it and my brain is trying to create a whole fucking podcast#if anyone knows how to create a podcast and is willing to voice act for free. feel free to hmu#haha jk... unless?
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uhm. uhmmm. ladue chapter 18 sure is the goal.
... though im still kinda in the mood for angst. this is a problem.
#speculation nation#ladue shit#me writing that one shot & posting it like 'phew! surely this will get it out of my system'#... apparently not.#im sooooooo close. so fucking close to finishing ladue chapter 18#but it requires a Heart To Heart kinda thing and i am Not feeling that vulnerability rn#im just tired and annoyed in general. and that manifests as wanting to write angst.#maybe this will change after i get my tax return. i can start Living It Up#(paying off debt and not having to calculate expenses down to the dollar!)#im just like. hm. we'll see if my mood changes enough to work on the ladue chapter 18#but i have been introduced to the ease of one-shots. like holy Fucking shit that was really easy to write#im used to writing fics being a fucking massive undertaking. but i wrote that in literally 2 sittings.#... i could also write a continuation of ce n'est rien#though idk. it's supposed to just sit within canon. a peek into his life#OH oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh i just remembered an idea i had for 3rd semester and omfg#hm. hmmmm#oh yes that would hurt Quite a lot actually.#not entirely original but neither is my 11/20 fic. it's about what i do with the idea that makes it new#well i might have a new severely angsty one shot to write soon. We'll See
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#omg so i fought myself to learn Ausländer on guitar and it kinda sucks bc i cant get the strumming but i learned the synth intro on guitar!!#BUT I WAS LIKE OKAY TIME FOR ANOTHER SONG LETS SEE WHAT ELSE THERE IS ON THE TABS APP#'oh. sex? i heard that earlier and it sounded fun but idr what it sounded like at the moment lemme put it on ...#... and try to play it in one go and see if anything clicks'#LORDDDDD THE SEX WAS WITH ME I PLAYED THAT SHIT RIGHT ALONG WITH IT ALL THE WAY THROUGH FIRST TRY#THAT SONG IS SO FUCKING EASY HOLY SHIT PUN NOT INTENDED FR THAT SHIT IS SO FUCKING CATCHY AND SUCH A SIMPLE EVERYTHING#i cant believe i was dying trying to figure out a strumming pattern when i couldve been doing sex instead#((fr tho what the fuck is that strumming pattern?!?! idec anymore bc SEX!!))#like holy shit tho to just instantly 'get' a song like that is so fucking fun and like an instant burst of life#meanwhile i was spending hours on Ausländer and dying and practising and goofing off playing it all in shitty harmonics#guess that warmed me up for the big finish nadda meannnnn lmao#how tf is it after midnight now literally 3 hours of this and i got sex in like ... how long is that song#3:56 minutes#i wish the person that tabbed it didnt write it so weirdly tho i gotta note take so i can see it all in one go#like they wrote it like (tab version of): 'Ash (x2) F (x2)' and then a line break for the second half of the chorus#when usually itd be like: 'Ash Ash F F G G Dsh Dsh' all as one line bc it repeats differently on the second go around#fr tho holy shit holy shit that was so fucking fun holy shit#the fucking bend release part hhdhsjdidjwn it looked loud and complicated but its like u gotta just go for it and it works#its like that same feeling when u learn to fret tap ur like 'wtf no way that works' and it does. and ur like.#OH. SO THATS WHAT ITS LIKE TO ORGASM.#pfahahaha#ShitPost.exe#semi related but my new guitar strings arent as bad as i thought theyd be or maybe im just hopped up on New Song (to me)#the 6th string feels like a mfer but im not having issues playing it. im just gonna need to get used to the new texture#also my fingers are fucking GREY WHAT IS THIS SHIT WHY ARE THE STRINGS CRUDDY THEYRE BRAND NEW FROM A SEALED PACK#my guitar has been in its case the whole time like fr what is this gunk how do i clean it off ughhhhhhh like factory oil or something#anyway im gonna go do sex again just needed to tell the world how great that was#((hOW THE FUCK IS IT SO EASY SERIOUSLYYYYY))#oH WAIT ALSO#the intonation adjustment on my guitar and new strings means its holding tune a lot better now which is great im still in drop c lol
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#I think I lost my document where I wrote down all fanfic ideas I had for BNHA#I am so fucking devastated#this is almost worse than all the notes that were randomly deleted from my phone#I was so excited to get back into writing and actually write some fics#I hope I can find it in the last place it could be#I feel like a part of my soul died#I put so much of myself and my love into the ideas that the thought of never seeing them again crushes me#Also I'm hella pissed I had to manually turn off the author profiles on desktop#I never asked for my sideblog to be linked to my main#it's a sideblog FOR A REASON#Like at the very least disable it and let us know it's an option#I'm just mad bc I couldn't do it until now and I was a bit lazy but still#Ugh anyways#I need to sleep dawg it's 5am#at least my master post of how EMight became canon in the background is still there#holy moly i really put a lot of thought into it#I just might reread/rewatch MHA just for that alone bc !!!#if I’m not too broken up about my other fanfic ideas#UGHHHHHHH#EDIT: I FOUND IT#THANK FUCK#I WAS ABOUT TO CRY OMFG
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i could say so much about this but it is kinda infuriating, and i dont know if theres a conversation about it that i just dont see people having, but it feels like 99% of the time that i see a jewish character in media, especially jewish men, theyre "weaker" in some way. and theyre even moreso never allowed to be the big strong and/or badass ones.
i saw a list yesterday that was a bunch of jewish characters in media, and there was a character on that list that i know of and have seen some of, but i didnt know she was jewish. what i knew about her was that shes seen as "weak" and shy and dorky in her show. so when i read that shes jewish, it just felt like "of course she is."
and dont even get me started on these characters being "weak" or dorky or, in the mens cases, feminine, and how it makes them the butt of the joke a lot. i could list several cases ive seen, but the main one that comes to mind is leslie berkowitz from one day at a time (2017)
i love that show. there is many things i love about that show and can praise about it, but leslies character is not one of them. hes a man with a name thats seen as a womans name, so of course they joke about that. hes "submissive" in the fact that people tend to step all over him and he just accepts it, and they joke about that. its also so weird because that show gives so much respect and understanding and empathy to every other character, but the one explicitly jewish character... is a joke?? they take him seriously very few times compared to everyone else who gets so much time to be taken seriously. and the jokes about him in particular just feel gross because theyre so... opposite to everything the show seems to stand for. like, this show literally has a nonbinary character but theyre still making fun of a man for being seen as feminine. make it make sense.
i can think of few times that ive personally seen that a jewish character was allowed to be a full on badass, and even fewer where they werent a nerd of some kind at all. i should clarify that i dont think being a nerd is bad, but obviously a lot of people have in the past considering... everything ever for the past few decades.
and hell, most of the times i can think where jewish characters have been allowed to be badass and strong were when they were written by jews. i cant speak for every single time, and my knowledge is of course limited here since ive only seen so many pieces of media, but like, isnt that just kinda wild
#my post#im tired and its late so dont take this as like. my biggest statement ever ig#i keep a list of the jewish characters ive seen and i keep a list with that thats tropes or stereotypes ive noticed about jewish characters#and dude one of the things i wrote down was characters being portrayed as 'losers' or dorky or 'annoying'#like either the audience is meant to see them as annoying or other characters see them as annoying#and that one really catches characters that otherwise dont fit any other thing on the list#like. harley quinn specifically from the harley quinn cartoon. other characters see her as annoying a lot#which makes sense because of the tone that show takes so its not like im saying it shouldnt be there#like just cause things fall under stuff on the list doesnt mean theyre inherently bad or wrong#but aside from that thing on the list she doesnt fall under anything else i have written down#actually i guess i wrote down characters being associated with new york in any way and her parents have the accent#and she takes it on while around them#that show has bigger issues related to jewish stuff though like theres whole articles about it. so take all that how you will#of my list. leslie falls under the second most amount of things. only beat out by fucking MORT GOLDMAN FROM FAMILY GUY#like thats fucking embarassing that youre second to a family guy character. like if i didnt include mort he would be first#the tropes and stereotypes are numbered btw thats how i keep track ajfhahd#oh i didnt even finish making my point about harley. my point was shes one of the most badass characters on my list#i told you man im tired im losing my ability to be coherent with every word#i hesitate to make my list public because i dont want people misinterpreting me#because at least one thing on that list is something that like. if people thought i was saying those things are inherently bad#which im not!!. then theyd be like 'dude wtf is wrong with you holy shit'. but im not saying that and i dont think these things are#inherently bad or anything. its just patterns ive noticed and some of them are pretty fucking sus. but not all of them#i could very much try to explain myself but id rather just avoid the mess altogether
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