#hm. that’s sad. it’s sad hours
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if the trope works, it ✨works✨ y’know~
#(aka chizuchan manga ch5 is coming out in 18 1/2 hours and im too excited to sleeeeep)#(s o im reading rofan isekai manhwa as a bedtime story☆ but the story is too interesting to lull me to sleep☆ ✨sad times✨)#still thinking about this rofan webnovel i binged over the weekend with a dynamic like this^#the dude pined for over a hundred chapters before going from 0-100 the moment they were in an enclosed space together it was so funny#the fact that his interest in her started bc she gave him tips on tax evasion was iconic tbhhh#m a n i cant forget that dumb biscotti boi no matter what i do… that novel was pretty good and it had reasons™️ for why the fl was so op…#thinking about them and their hilarious dynamic again kinda makes me want to see lxl in a rofan setting tbh#they’d have the pettiest of arguments esp in a ‘formal’ nobles setting#i d o kinda have a draft/stuff for a lxl villainess isekai au fic… but i think it’d be too sad if they dont un-isekai themselves back#so i havent done much with it… hm. maybe some day…#b u t on another note fanart of meoto rofan aus are always fun to see#their costumes are so complex yet the artists always draw them so beautifully… thank you for the food lxl twt#but… demon x human sacrifice is. lowkey. kinda… beauty & the beast-esque… right…?#except for how demon!aizo prolly wasnt cursed into demonhood. but. still.#oh well… maybe that’s enough rofan lxl thoughts for one day… see y’all when chizuchan ch5 drops later~~~~~~
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"I hope that we meet in another life..."
#you ever be working on a starshipping thing for so long it makes you wanna do a different starshipping thing#been drawing a thing for hours and did this in about 30' to cool down ig#anyway let's talk about how their unique positions lend themselves to so many interesting ways to explore the challenges they have to deal#canonically it's sorta a “rule” that some problems with the universe can only be solved by the protagonists#but in the end they are only humans who for most of the stories are children#can one day a disaster come to seek one of them that's so great that only one of them is the “chosen one” to make it out alive?#or maybe their very coexistence in the same universe causes problems#but they want!!! to!! be!! together!!!!!! because they've always followed their hearts and it feels deeply wrong that they can't#hm i need to draw more angst is what i think#starshipping saturday#is sad#sorry#starshipping#yugioh#yusei fudo#yugioh gx#yugioh 5ds#jaden yuki#judai yuki#art by neeko#sketch#fanart#digital art
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Hm.... Do you hear something?
Look at the details I put into this thang
#zero escape#zero escape spoilers#999 spoilers#blood cw#clover 999#clover field#I am not immune to making fanart for the axe ending#9 hours 9 persons 9 doors#I'll be yelled at for this one aren't I welp! I'd like to issue an apology by promising wholesome field sibling content in the coming days#and that WILL happen because you see I want this on ig but I#I cannot have this there without a spoiler buffer qwq#my art#I was dying to use this pallette for clover since I stumbled into it during last year's 999 week so I made it sad!#and bloody!!#also this is going to be a color palette trickle down effect also because in trying to make this brighter (task failed)#I got a new idea >:3#final note on this someone bonk me next time I have to draw the inside of this ship so I don't get lazy and use a screenshot again it's. hm#the third time I think
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*steals your trauma*
There, it's mine now. You can't have it back.
(I'll let you decide if this is an in-character ask or not)
HEY, I-
I...
I think I need to sit down for a moment...
#me#angelofchaos001#ask#ive been thinking about this ask nonstop for a while#like on a philisophical level#what is trauma? the pain? the scars? the injury itself?#what happens if you take it away?#how would that feel?#hard to say. But. I like to think it would feel... relaxing.#espexially- i mean‚ for someone fueled only by utter hatred and wrath?#imagine all of that pain just. disappearing.#to feel warm for the first time#i think artificer is a very fundimentally sad person#and once shes done with her rampage‚ all thats left would be ashes#hm...#artificers response here is vague#because truth be told?#i know those ashes all too well#so who artificer would be without them‚ who *id* be without them?#i have no idea.#uhhh sorry if you didnt mean this so seriously i couldnt help it GJEVJSHSJSGSNE#I genuinely have spent hours thinkin about this one‚ thanks for the material!#infodump#i promise im normal FJSGAKWGWKSBIFJDJSJ
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new hippo tour dates but not in [redacted southern us city that i live near] so now wtf am i supposed to do
#i’m so sad they like always come here too i’m sooooooo sad :(#they’re going to city like two hours away but it’s on a weekday night and also i highkey do NOT want to drive in that city traffic is so bad#hm much to consider tho
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the prednisone was mean to me overnight :(
#marzi speaks#probs bc i have a family member flying down today#to help make sure i’m not alone while my parents take a weekend trip to [OTHER CITY IN OUR STATE]#so i’m likely anxious abt that or smth#still it SUCKSSS#stayed up too late which gave it time for a mood swing so i went to bed kinda just sad and longing#then woke up at 4 am in a puddle of my own sweat (thank you steroid hot flashes)#and like. also mildly convinced i was about to start a new infusion and had to do specific prep for that#like i was in the damn hospital again#which. in hindsight is probably a trauma response. hm#but anyways by the time i went to the bathroom and my brain understood that the Wet on my back was sweat and not my own blood#i was able to go back to sleep. until around 7 am#tried to go back to sleep. got maybe another hour. saying fuck it and just getting up now#i’ll try to take a nap later#sighhh. ups and downs ups and downs#i’ll figure it out or whatever. but it is a little annoying#this isn’t exactly a vent but i don’t want anyone rbing it so
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i generally have a weird feeling when someone i know dies - including like. of the parasocial variety - but this time it's almost amplified. it might sound silly but without 1d i would've probably died years ago. so. man i don't have the words to describe it it just feels Weird to hear these news
#a 24 hours delay i know. i needed. time to process. and listening to their songs in the shower#idk if sad is quite the right word here. bc my thoughts abt him in the last few years haven't exactly been too positive#but he WAS a big part of my life even tho he didn't know that. yknow?#even those not so positive feelings were mostly disappointment over seeing what he's doing. i didn't know abt the extreme stuff either#i don't think it's grief. bc i didn't actually know him obviously. and it doesn't feel like how ppl describe grief. so. hm
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Simon speaking! 6 days since i formed. I thought since everyone has been begging me in the system to talk on here that i would update or something.
My name is Simon Petrikov, i am a fictive from Adventure Time: Fionna and Cake specifically. I don't know how my story ends and I'm excited to see the finale on screen in a couple weeks or. Whenever. I'm not sure what to include first.
Um, i know that I'm a subdued energy in the body, and when i do feel a rise, it's usually from anger. When someone like Mitten gets intense, it's joy or love. I've noticed i have a lot of sadness and anger. Not to say "I'm a sad angry alter" or "i can't be happy" because. That is one major difference from my source so far. My overall voice and behavior is similar, but i dont come from a, what i call a self-tragic place. A sort of negativity that ruins anything for myself, self hatred, hatred of the world around me.
I'm so lucky to be in the system I'm in, i can recognize it. Existence has been incredibly hard. Being in a body with its pros and cons, being in this dimension, this lifetime, this vessel and world. And yet, i share this system and body with Zim. With Mitten and Kiba. These beings of warmth and love and light, that's basically just. Their whole thing, and they practice it and learn it and take pride in it. I'm a tired old man, i think that's my system role. Probably why Alder and Zim latched on the way they did those first days. Probably why I'm so. Low energy? Lax? Monotone?
Strange. But im settling in. Soon, i should dare to draw myself a new simplyplural profile. Drawing is surprisingly easy these days. I assign myself to work an hour, and i do. Mitten is so entranced by it that she rarely speaks up. I ask her about it, and she shakes her head and trails off, responding in some muted positive way. Watching. I'm not sure about her, just in the way that i don't know what her actual motives and hopes are. What is she going to do next? Who is she really? What is she going to BE next?
Anyway, this isn't about her, it's about me. I'm happy to be here. I think i finally, sorta comprehend existing on this plane, in this meat. It's good. Not everything is perfect, and there's some pain and grief i have to watch over for the others while im here, but it is nothing comparatively. I can handle this. And i have Mitten, Zim and Kiba for the ride.
#it says I've been fronting for 80 hours#and i only paused right before that briefly like maybe a day#so ive almost been out for a solid week since i formed#i would say zim core but he was around our whole life. i wasn't. idk what im from but im here for the anger. and the grief.#the detachment and the memories and the. changes. perspectives. loss of identity and maybe purpose#simon petrikov#adventure time#fictive#fionna and cake#sourcemates may interact#not seeking tho and istg no sysco urse. damnn u ask for none and they literally attack jesus just im . some guy leave me alone#im literally a salt n pepper old man sad meow meow#i am sad a lot. hm.#system babbles#update#actually plural#simplyplural
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peter pan and tinker bell, which way to never never land?
emerald city's gone to hell
since the wizard blew off his command
on the streets you hear the voices
lost children, crocodiles
you're not into
making choices, wicked witches
poppy fields or men behind the curtain
tiger lilies, ruby slippers
clock is ticking that's for certain
#thatmademewant#jonathan larson#tik tik boom#30/90#stop the clock#take time out#the big room#how is it that he knew#sad tumblr hours except its the morning and you have to go be perceived challenge#johnny can't decide#sunday on the blue purple yellow red grass#they're singing happy birthday you just want to lay down and cry#hm i have no idea why this neverland and oz coded lyric came to my brain#so strange#bloody crocodile#mark cohen shaking hands with jonathan about making oz references#why dorothy and toto went over the rainbow to blow off auntie em#do i even /need/ to speak on the loss on innocence in this quote like seriously#ANDREW GARFIELD IN A SWIMMING POOL
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at this point i just dont know how dreaming works
#snap chats#this sounds depressing as hell no its not im just CONFUSED#i posted bout daigo and mine for like. months everyday 24/7#and in that time ive had one Utterly Peculiar dream with daigo in it but like. on a technicality#and ive never had a dream with mine yeah. probably for the better#but i swear last night i had a dream where i was watching something with tsutsumi and nakai in it#make it make sense brain. do you know ill be mentally unwell if i see daigo or mine in my dreams.#trying so hard to remember what it was but its been lost to the subconscious#im gonna blame it partially on me having read those arasawa fics right before bed#i mean it was objectively not arakawa and jo in my dream but yk. same face#i just wanna remember what it was even about... mightve been a comedy of sorts...#OH YEAH SINCE I MENTIONED THOSE FICS im gonna throw up they were great#ooohhh i love sad/tragic fics oooh the guilt on both sides was so real and potent#im gonna think of jo helping masato walk until i die#the vision of jo in the rain with masato’s burned in my brain actually i might. draw it if you will#but im going to the mall in a hot hour so. hm. we’ll see#maybe i’ll do it before i leave for the mall... shouldnt take long...#not unless i also wanna include a shot of arakawa and turn this into a two-panel comic ig....#IDK POINT IS everyone should read those fics. both sides theyre so good#there is no happy thought and if there is its incredibly fleeting and im injecting it right into my veins#these tags are damn everywhere but i treat tumblr like a Blog blog so im updatinng everyone on everything#plus its related ok. im valid.#alright im gonna snake to my computer and crank out that drawing then#mall wont open for another two hours anyway and i dont wanna be a mout breather standin at the door as it opens so
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kawareeeeeeeeeee~~~~~~~~~
#(aka me when my acid burns randomly start throbbin’ when i bend over :( it’s very inconvenient)#in other news this week absolutely s u c k s can i trade it in for a better one—#first there was that acid spill. which. like. ouch???? but the mark is still there and is apparently very obvious. which sucks#then the day after the acid attack™️ meself and one other guy were called out under the assumption that we were doing unnecessary overtime#with the ‘unnecessary’ part running off the basis that there’s a low sample volume bc one single monday had fewer samples than usual#and we were singled out j u s t because our taxi claims for last month were through the roof due to the fact that we live across the country#like??? hellooo????? why are you treating it like it’s my fault that i have to pay upwards of $24 (at least) to get home???#and??? excuse????? why are you extrapolating the previous day’s sample volume to the previous month’s workload as a whole????#but. m a n. the way the mildly higher up lady abruptly shouted at me for asking a question just. pissed me off. for some reason.#she was talking in circles regarding the future of our taxi claims#so i asked if we (now) had to submit a second claims form for the transport company dudes to compensate us#and she yelled at me to stop talking before i could finish :( sadded and annoyed tbh#though i get the feeling that she hasn’t liked me ever since i left some results she asked for between her desk and some other guy’s desk#and someone else had placed their notebook or sth atop it so she couldn’t find it. and she blamed me for it. ha.#that was a few weeks ago though. so. hm. i wonder if she’s still mad about that…#either way. i applied for a couple of jobs that are closer to my place bc screw travelling across the country for an hour every day#s c r e w hour-long train rides i’d rather sleep#i prolly won’t even get the other jobs but. oh well. that’s life ig
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Haha don’t pay me any mind oho
#vent#ok. so#I was! fine for the most part today! but then! idk what happened!#I’m like sad now! depressed? like. I kinda don’t feel real#I think I was giving myself anxiety over thoughts. got really clammy. literally shoveled goldfish crackers into my face#now don’t judge me but#I’ve been looking at things that make me feel bad for like. at least 4 hours now haha..#I dunno man it’s the adhd I got one thought about thing that made me upset and now I’m hours in and my emotions are fried#and. shh don’t tell anyone I feel things but I know have a fantasy of someone I can cry around#whehe how pathetic is that. scraping the bottom of the barrel here looking for another human just let me cry @ you#hmm. how did I go from thinking up poems for valentines only to. feel so cold and alone#I’m not crying. but. I definitely need to later haha maybe this all kickstarted from my two whole hours of sleep last night 😎#mhm so uh. if your reading this with the most cold unfeeling monotone voice then you are exceptionally accurate!i am currently not all here#can’t sleep now tho gotta. do other shit I guess#I’m laying in bed for a second though. my legs were very cold to the touch. unfeeling unhuman#oh and I might be balding potentially but that’s still just a theory. my dad noticed and pointed it out#haha what would I be withought my hair? another germ just populating this Earth?#oho ahh. hm. I’m just a trying to say I don’t fell right now if that makes sense. anyways
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the thing about ty blackthorn is simply that he is a delusional little freak and then also. crucially. he’s also right is the thing. so forgive me for being insane about that guy, you have to understand i’m under circumstances that would make anyone act like this. and unfortunately i met him when i was 14.
#i’m sitting here listening to this breakup song thinking. this is so ty. except he’s not that sad about it because he KNOWS it’s not over#and then i was like huh. that’s insane behavior only a crazy person thinks like that. but he’s right. so now i’m like. yeah thats the appea#beth.txt#ty#kit’s like i don’t want to talk to you anymore. and ty’s like hm don’t worry you’ll come around soon. and kit’s like NO I WONT. and ty’s#like ok sure…. you will. and kit’s like ok but NOT right now#when characters are just freaks about each other.#ok i have to go to work. ew. i’m so tired i could literally sleep for one thousand hours rn but oh well.
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I'm always like "oh I'm extra suicidal rn maybe it's bc I'm hungry i should go eat" and then i do and it never makes me any less suicidal it just distracts me from it for a minute by making me hate myself for eating instead
#never a dull moment here (= in my fucked up little brain)#do i need to tag this as ed. i don't think that's the case. unfortunately my eating is not too disordered just my approach to it. but jic#eating disorders //#also ig technically#suicide mention //#vent#bad one tonight folks#i need to wake up innnnn 8 hours but I'm not tired or sleepy at all. I'm just sad. hm#i have a feeling i won't fall asleep until like 5 at least so. ig we'll see
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mmm i think we need to take a little more personal responsibility for our attention spans or lack thereof. like there’s a certain level of fast-paced wackiness that we can’t avoid but nobody needs to be exacerbating that by spending 4 hours a day on tiktok or instagram reels or whatever else is feeding people a constant stream of shit that whittles down ur attention span to nothing
obviously it’s not that simple & especially depending on ur mental health/condition(s) cutting that stuff out completely might not have as significant an impact as it could, but for the vast majority of people—myself included—i think there’s something to be said for making a conscious effort to avoid things that rewire your brain to suck worse
#im not saying everyone has to find some deep-focus task to spend leisure time on every day#but like … maybe choose to watch an hour of a tv show instead of an hour of tiktok#or play a game that requires enough of ur attention that u can’t ‘’’’multitask’’’’ while doing it#or something.#the attention economy is real and like we’re all forced to participate to some extent#but also like … if you broke ur leg you wouldn’t go ‘well that’s me done walking forever’ you’d get a cast#and take care of it as best you can. if u limp then u limp. but to act like there’s nothing u can do about it at all is . sad#if u need help then that’s one thing and that’s fine. but to pretend there is absolutely no personal changes u can make wrt this … hm.#let it be known this is a self-callout btw. god i need to delete like half the apps i have i s2g#freewheeling bitextual#but its also a callout for (redacted irl person who will never see this) because giiiiiiirrlllll omfg
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Maybe in another universe I did go to prom
Maybe I did pick up a dress, got the pictures, got to stress about my hair and makeup, had a wonderful time with my friends
#i know its stupid#but i really wanted to go#but none of my friends went so what's the point in going alone#hm#sad hours
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