#still it SUCKSSS | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mars-ipan · 4 months ago

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the prednisone was mean to me overnight :(

#marzi speaks #probs bc i have a family member flying down today #to help make sure i’m not alone while my parents take a weekend trip to [OTHER CITY IN OUR STATE]#so i’m likely anxious abt that or smth #still it SUCKSSS #stayed up too late which gave it time for a mood swing so i went to bed kinda just sad and longing #then woke up at 4 am in a puddle of my own sweat (thank you steroid hot flashes)#and like. also mildly convinced i was about to start a new infusion and had to do specific prep for that #like i was in the damn hospital again #which. in hindsight is probably a trauma response. hm #but anyways by the time i went to the bathroom and my brain understood that the Wet on my back was sweat and not my own blood #i was able to go back to sleep. until around 7 am #tried to go back to sleep. got maybe another hour. saying fuck it and just getting up now #i’ll try to take a nap later #sighhh. ups and downs ups and downs #i’ll figure it out or whatever. but it is a little annoying #this isn’t exactly a vent but i don’t want anyone rbing it so

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pigidin · 3 months ago

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UMM?? GUYS??

Alt coz ik the quality is bad::

[The mind Bill knows best. Pure ego. Putty in Bill's hands. Bill will also reveal that, while he was possessing Ford in the 80's, he ripped out a number of pages from Ford's journal and erased his memory of them. Bill will show the LOST PAGES from JOURNAL 3 that have never before been seen]

DOES ANYONE WANNA TALK ABOUT THE MEMORY ERASE THINGY COZ IM GOING PRETTY MUCH INSANE OVER THIS INFO. WHAT.

#ok but imagine if this is really what coulda happened. that bill suddenly realised that ford is the only one he's been THAT vulnerable with #and that he might or might not have fallen for him in the process #and in the pure NEED to avoid any sentimentality he doesn't only DENIES all that happened between them but also erases the memories of ford #like?? the first and only relationship he ever felt safe in enough to be honest about the reality of what happened to euclydia??#or the fact that it might or might not has been the only relationship in which he let himself be intimate with sb??#and this relationship CRUMBLING COMPLETELY #bill fumbling SO BAD that he wants to deny that any of that happened in the first place??#it kinda eliminates his manipulation of “hey look so we've been close w each other once so why not get back to that for old time's sake!”#but GOOD GOLLY this guy sucksss at manipulations anyway but is like an expert in the art of denies #it just adds such a huge ass layer to him as a character #this is prolly non canon btw but STILL #gravity falls #bill cipher #stanford pines #billford #book of bill #alex hirsch

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nintendont2502 · 3 days ago

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spending more than a few days around your family and no one else truly does cause a certain type of madness. and baby they call me the joker

#ughhhh #travelling with other people after travelling solo is exhausting #wdym i cant just go do my own thing #what do you mean i have to spend this entire time doing shit other people want to do while i just kinda stand around awkwardly bc i dont #have anyone to talk to #what do you meani constantly have to mask more than i ususally do bc i cant look at all neurodivergent or queer or. unhappy. or bored.#or tired #im so tired.#ive got a couple of days in london alone thank fuck #but ugh idk #its just constant 'you should appreciate this!! not many people get to do this!!#cant have a real conversation. treated like a child the whole time. cant even swear.#misgendered and deadnamed the entire time but whats new there #constantly surrounded by people #constantly have to be performing happiness because otherwise youre called rude and told to snap out of it #cant talk to people because everyone interrupts or talks over you or doesnt hear you #cant go on your phone at all if theres anyone around. and theres always people around #constantly on the border of being overloaded at all times but you still have to talk to people !!!#its not even my family this sucksss #'come to england so you can sit in a pub for 3 hours while everyone drinks beer and talks to each other you cant join in on any conversatio #you cant do anything else and if you dont look happy to just be sitting there doing nothing then you get yelled at!! and maybe this is a lit #paid for my own tickets) but #im not. this isnt *fun*. im sitting around surrounded by someone elses family who dont know me and i dont know them #doing shit i actively hate all day #and i constantly have to be performing and acting like im habing a great time the entire time or im spoilt #even thouhg i. i paid for my own ticket here #man i couldve gone to japan again #'isnt england amazing!!" yeah idk it seems like it is!! too bad weve spent this entire goddamn time in some tiny village in the middle of #fuck ass nowhere going on walks that are identical to the ones at home #love to actually go experience it outside of the. one full day. i get in london

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lynxfrost13 · 2 months ago

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AUGH! I miss working out yall!!

#my taking three rest days turned into now over a week bc I’ve been sick #it’s been going around but it hit me like a TRUCK holy shit #<- it’s basically been like that since I got covid a couple years ago didhsndi but my immune system sucksss #I don’t get as sick as often as I used to tho which is good bc 2022 was roughhhh #however I can complain a smidge bc it’s still not fun #I WILL! get back to my workouts I am recovering but damn this suckssss #lynx talks

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mekatrio · 7 months ago

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phoenix is actually an awesome character as long as you dissect the fact that he has canonically hit a woman, doesnt give af about children being in relationships with adults, and lets his daughter advertise her panties

#those are like the inexcusable bits there are still things he does outside of this that still make him suck but #its a narratively interesting type of suck rather than a 'he needs to be sent to the gallows' type of suck #these bits are more an exposure of the writers misogynistic biases anyways than it is any sort of meaningful character writing #thats why ill never object to ppl going nuts with hating nick / depicting him as an asshole cuz like. the text for that is there #i choose to dissect it so i can vibe with how the story frames him (not a complete asshole)#outside of these instances he still suck tho. young girls keeps finding themselves in danger under his care #and the fact his dead mentor has to keep coming back to be like 'bitch what the hell did i tell you. BELIEVE IN UR CLIENT' is so funny #he still sucksss. but in a very narratively awesome way #which is why i hate fandom interpretations of him cuz did we play the same game... why are u treating him like a sunshine puppy 🤮

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fagbearentertainment · 2 months ago

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I’ve had horrible vertigo all day bleh

#it’s not as bad as this morning when I almost ate it on my dresser getting out of bed #I was very wobbly this morning and everything was spinning 😵‍💫#glad it’s not that bad anymore but it’s still sucksss #I feel nauseous and dizzy and I have. a headache #I think the headache is a too much screen time headache tho #but it sure ain’t helping

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lordgoopy · 3 months ago

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trying to find an artist and realizing its been like at least 10 years since i followed them. christ

#goopy.txt #also they were on devart but idk if theyd even be still since devart fucking sucksss

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piikopoko · 3 months ago

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day 3 - me when i was sick last week

#ive mostly recovered but i still have a lingering cough and it sucksss #doodle

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volivolition · 3 months ago

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truly if anymr f t lttrs f my kybar brak tis inclus svral numbrs an n f t parntsis btw) im fr ral gnna run ut f kybins t rplac tm wit </

[truly if anymore of the letters of my keyboard break (this includes several numbers and one of the parenthesis btw) im for real gonna run out of keybinds to replace them with </3]

#chemi chats #the ''e'' and ''3'' keys broke a long time ago which is already pretty shit considering how many <333's i write.#i remap the ''e'' key to my ''insert'' key and remap the 3 to the number pad so i can still make hashtags #then as if taking <3s wasnt enough my ! key broke. not the 1 key. shift+1 SPECIFICALLY. which is a hate crime against me im pretty sure??#so i remap that to the number pad too. at some point my d key stopped working which was annoying but also vaguely amusing #because typing ''i want to draw volition'' when the d key isn't working is /mortifying/ hkjghg #my o key stopped working too so i remapped it to the 0 key on the keypad.#today my h key stopped working too which SUCKSSS because thats what all my keysmashes start with???#my volume up and down keys are also broken? along with my screen brightness and 9 key. my delete key and backspace are also on the fritz #its a whole ship of theseus situation lmao anyone trying to type anything on this keyboard is just like ''what the fuck bro'' gjgfkjg #i my nam is vli. im 2 yars ld an my prnuns ar /im. LMAO thats so funny kjgdfkj #its literally such a hassle to replace each of these with a different keybind and readjust everytime jikjg #the whole laptop's breaking but replacing it would cost money and thats a whole other can of worms djkfdd #anyway i have to restart the laptop so that the new keybinds can start working (ive been copy-pasting every h in this post gfkjg)#i think i'll also take a nap? idk low energy as fuck recently </3 ok bye!!! <33

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inkgeeky · 4 months ago

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i really hate how we always have premonition-ass dreams about new headmates every time we're stressed. please. pleaseeeeeeee dont give us blorbo in our head we have. too many and we dont need to be fakeclaimed like this

#AUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHGHNGHFHGJHGgurggling #like yes we dont think its ''fake'' to get ''new-media'' headmates but #you know how the internet is #not that we're even.................. in plural spaces anyway fsahdkjfhsak #but still it just fucking. sucksss

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mars-ipan · 3 months ago

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god i cannot wait to be off these steroids…

#marzi speaks #marzivents #<- it’s late n i’m kinda pent up abt this #i’m so TIRED of themmmm #i’m probs gonna be on them for the rest of the year. which SUCKSSS #i don’t like how many ppl comment on the moon face #i don’t mind it. like i look in a mirror and i’m okay.#it’s a little weird. but like. just because it’s different. like getting used to a new haircut #but every time i see someone for the first time in a bit it’s ‘woah your face got rounder’#and i have to go ‘oh yeah it’s water retention- steroids thing it’ll go away when i’m able to go off ‘em’#and they go ‘oh alright :) you still look good btw don’t worry’#and i just. i HATE how people talk about it!! like jfc. it’s so clear that they think it’s like kinda sad #my dad said he thinks it’s cute and he’s the only one i actually think is telling the truth there #my mom and i agree that it doesn’t matter. but even then she tries to tell me not to panic #like a little extra squish in my face is something to panic over #it’s so clear that so many people see it as another thing to pity #oh poor thing. has that chronic illness for the rest of her life. and the steroids made her jaw look rounder :(#like jfc i knew fatphobia was prevalent but come the fuck on. literally i’m like barely retaining water for steroids too #like. i’m still very much skinny (i JUST finished being malnourished ffs) but bc i’m retaining water in my face #now ppl feel the need to comfort me. over this tiny cosmetic thing that does not matter #like. i wouldn’t feel weird abt it if it weren’t for everyone else making it such a THING. why is everyone so weird about it #i’m not insecure about it but when ppl try to comfort me or go ‘it’s not that bad’ it makes me feel like i’m SUPPOSED to be insecure abt it #and it drives me NUTS. bc there are things about being on steroids that i would love to be comforted about #but the water retention is not one of them. i couldn’t give a rat’s ass about the water retention #y’know what i’d like to be comforted over? the mood swings. the irritability. the insomnia. the appetite fluctuation #the slow healing of skin. thinning and dryness in the skin. having to take like 3 other medications alongside the steroid #bc taking the steroid causes side effects that need to be medically treated or prevented #even outside of the steroid! i’d like some comfort about having to build back my stamina from scratch #i’d like some comfort about having the worst balance i’ve had in years #there’s. more to this. but i’m out of tags. maybe i’ll make some replies idk. i’m just. UGH

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dangerliesbeforeyou · 4 months ago

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wanted to buy garlic bread but good garlic bread was all nearly £3 rip im gonna [remembers suicide jokes lead to more negative mental health] angrily embroider some flowers >:(

#personal #it's not been a Good Day ngl ://#couldnt find anything suitable for the wedding in town rip #this is karma for not starting looking sooner isnt it huh?#luckily i still have the whole of september to find something but ughhh it sucksss #cos i hateeeeee shopping #i did buy some asparagus and some sesame oil tho so it's not all bad lol #oh another good thing is i rescued this bloody MASSIVE caterpillar from a path!#it was literally the size of my pointer finger which isnt saying much cos my fingies are kinda small BUT #it was still probs the biggest caterpillar ive ever seen lol!#ok so i just googled and i THINK it was an elephant hawk moth caterpillar!#v cool!

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sheila--e · 7 months ago

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i have trust issues because someone once told me anasui was awesome n i believed them n then i read stocean and i hated his fucking guts so much i gen wanetd him dead so badly

#fugo.txt #jjba #HE WASNT NICE TO EMPORIO. YOU LIED TO ME #HE SUCKED AND WAS BAD.#hes amusing ti me but i still want him dead so bad. shut the fuckup and focus on the TASK AT HAND #diversity win this transgender man fucking sucksss he sucks

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starrylayle · 2 years ago

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My Gripes with the Lgbt+ Rep in Banana Fish

[TW: TALK ABOUT SEXUAL ASSAULT, PEDOPHILLIA, HOMOPHOBIA]

I know I’m super late to the party, but I just finished BF yesterday and I have a lot of mixed feelings abt the queer rep in the show.

As someone who lives in a super religious, homophobic household and is constantly told that gay people are rapists, pedophiles or victims,, this anime just felt like a punch to the gut. It felt that everything I’d been taught about queerness was true. I went down a really bad spiral after I finished and it made me feel like more of a monster for being a lesbian. But to be fair that's not really the show’s fault and mostly a me issue lol

Anyways, if there were to be a live action/ Western adaptation in the future,, I hope that they decide to go in a different route to the manga/anime. I think in a story with a lot of negative representations of queer people, a healthy, loving queer relationship would be so important to queer audiences.

Like perhaps, instead of the theme being about the tragedy of trauma,, it could focus on the power of healing. I think this would be especially good for queer youth, who often experience a lot of trauma regarding their sexuality.

Like instead, perhaps it could be about Ash learning to be in a consensual, healthy romantic relationship with Eiji,, in spite of all his sexual trauma. I really adore Katz and Inej’s relationship in the six of crows series. Inej, a girl who experiences a lot of sexual abuse as a child so she struggles with physical intimacy with her partner. I love how her Kaz decide to take it slow, knowing that they have to heal before engaging deeper in the relationship — even them holding hands was a milestone and it was truly so beautiful.

I think Ash could have a similar type of relationship with Eiji,, as he slowly heals from his trauma and discovers and learns about what he himself is comfortable with in a relationship. I really dislike that they were never cannonically acknowledged as being romantic. I think that they should have been cannon, even if they never engaged in any physical intimacy — because both queer people and people with severe sexual trauma deserve to be happy.

[Also just wanna say the the crime/thriller/action aspect of the show should still be the main focus -- the queerness being a sub plot/theme -- just bcoz the the story features a gay couple does not make it a bl]

Also,, why is every bad guy gay?? Like,, even not from a moral standpoint, for a show based in realism,, it just feels so unrealistic. And the fact that they never show any female victims besides Jessica is so odd — really erases the overwhelming abundance of female sexual assault, especially that occurs with the mafia. I really wish that the author had made a proper distinction in the series that gay ≠ rapist/pedo and that rape is about power,, not sexuality — and that victims can come in all shapes and sizes and everyone’s stories matter.

Anyways that’s just my two cents. Other than that, I really enjoyed it and would recommend (with trigger warnings ofc).

On a side note, I hear a lot of people headcannoning Ash as asexual because of his trauma. I’ve always been hesitant to do so because it pushes the narrative that ace people are only that way because of bad sexual experiences — but I’m not ace so I’d like to hear more thoughts on this opinion.

#banana fish #ash lynx #eiji okumura #ash x eiji #I’m still experiencing post banana fish depression y’all #someone help 😭😭#queer rep #queer relationships #lgbt representation in bana fish sucksss #like yoshida can make every bad guy guy #but doesn’t even have the balls to allow ash and Eiji to be canon #asexual #asexuality #I kinda wanna talk abt race depictions in BF #u can tell yoshida did her research #but it would be still very interesting to unpack

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faineant-girl · 1 month ago

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been having really weird joint aches the past few days and shit. fuckin. iooooo it hurts its weird

#.tlktxt #theres not really any (visible tangible) swelling either so like. idk whats goin on #like theres aches in my hips elbows knees. knees also have this weird feeling in them like theyre gonna pop or something just at resting #also not related but i got my iud in and uhhhhh oww that hurt its still kinda hurting so. yah know #i figured it would but. yah know. its a painful ordeal #also been getting additional radiating pain from the joints. owie. eeyowch #also uh not related i think im getting heavy head fatigue/pain and i think thats like im having medication withdrawl #which sucksss should take those in the morning #yeah idk. my brain and body has been a mess T_T

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smellslikep1ss · 1 month ago

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I really wanna mark the plushies and blankets on my bed soooo bad :(( it would be hell to clean up and isn't worth the effort it would take to clean but I really want to

#gods curse was giving me a carpet and making me want to mark that shit sooo bad it soaks it up #(i know because i did once and then had to deal with the hell of cleaning it #i hate it hereee so much stuff i want to markkk and i cant because its just to hard to clean :(((#doesnt help that i do like the smell when it's dried on something #but whatever. i still live with my parents so i cant actually make anything smell like piss for awhile #i have one pillow condemned to it #mark and dry for a bit before running him threw the wash #but i reallllyyy just wanna mark up my room #it sucksss :((( womp womp

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