#his shows benefit from the binge watch model

[woodland-ghosts]

WOW the most recent UWE episode was baffling. Do we think Edred & Merlin are trustworthy or do they have secrets?!

[thegodcyclecomic]

Hello! I wanted to drop in and say thank you so much for your comic! I really enjoy reading it! I'm eagerly awaiting the next update.

I like asking about inspirations and character creation, and the character that really captured my heart was Athena. I think you once mentioned her design is modeled after Kurisu? Were there other sources of inspiration you use for Athena?

I found how you wrote characteristics of Athena rarely discussed from Greek myths into your story - it was so refreshing to read! It made me go on an Athena binge for a time.

Thanks again for writing and drawing a cool story!

Thank you!!! It makes me really happy to know that people read my comic and enjoy my interpretation of Greek mythology :")

Yes, looks-wise Athena is inspired by Kurisu from Steins; Gate. For the most part, this was subconscious on my part until I remembered that I had watched the show before designing her, and when I thought about an "intelligent woman with daddy issues" Kurisu was what popped into my head. It also helped that Kurisu had a similar disposition for the kind of unemotional woman I imagined Athena to be.

(for those not familiar with the anime/visual novel, this is what Kurisu looks like)

Personality-wise, I had to think a lot about the kind of person Athena is and her characterization. It was really difficult for me at first because she's actually very complex in the canon, this is because her personality is dictated by her domains of warcraft and politics so I had to read up on a lot of theory regarding that. The main idea was that Athena is intended to be an idealistic but machiavellian character. Her intentions and end goals are good and look to the benefit of the majority but her methods of achieving them are morally dubious (this is supported by her actions taken in the Iliad and Epic Cycle).

Makima (Chainsaw Man)

Makima is very manipulative and does not hesitate to use violence to achieve her ends. When asked about her motivations by Kirishibe she replies something to the effect of, "do you think the Prime Minister of Japan would make a contract with such an evil Devil?" implying that her actions were motivated by issues of national security. The ending of season 1 reveals Makima to be a pitiful and lonely woman who was powerful, but lacked a true equal.

2. Homura Akemi (Madoka Magica Rebellion)

The reasons for this are [REDACTED].

3. Violet Evergarden (Violet Evergarden)

I thought a lot about Athena's lack of childhood and how her earliest life experiences involved killing (Pallas) and war and it reminded me of this character. Violet only sees herself as a weapon instead of a human, and being surrounded by violence has desensitized her to it, making her emotionally stunted. The part where she asks in the first episode, "What is love?" really cemented this idea for me. I also borrowed some elements of her relationship with Gilbert for Athena and Ares (minus the squicky age gap and power dynamic).

3. Clavis Shepherd (Genocidal Organ)

Shepherd is an intelligent and introspective Black operative assassin for the US government, in both the novel and film adaptation his insight into the military and politics reminded me of Athena. I found the way he suffers and experiences PTSD to be very compelling, as well as his relationship with Lucia and killing.

Why wouldn’t someone just tell me that I was a murderer? That I was a killer? I wanted someone other than this counselor to tell me that I had shed real blood, killed real people, of my own real free will. I wanted to feel what I felt during battle, staring over the edge of the precipice into the abyss. I didn’t need any counseling. What I needed was punishment. I needed someone who could punish me. I desperately wanted to be punished for all the crimes I had committed. -Excerpt from the Genocidal Organ novel written by Project Itoh

4. 2B (Nier Automata)

Very similar to the Violet Evergarden example, I wanted to explore the mindset of a "living weapon" whose only way of connecting to another person (Ares) is through the context of war.

Everything that lives is designed to end. We are perpetually trapped in a never-ending spiral of life and death. Is this a curse? Or some kind of punishment? I often think about the god who blessed us with this cryptic puzzle…and wonder if we'll ever get the chance to kill him.

The Athena in canon has so many dimensions to her that I could go on discussing it at length if you wish for me to do so in the future. I hope these inspirations give you a good idea of the direction which I want to explore her character and expand on what's already written in the original.

I'm generally not a fan of the popular/fan interpretation of Athena because I think it is often full of acephobic, misogynistic, or oversimplified generalizations about her character. Making her into an over glorified NPC quest giver or someone who simply helps others out of the goodness of her heart ignores 90% of her characterization. It's also extremely boring and centers her entire role around serving various male figures (that being either Zeus or some other hero/demigod) when she always had her own agenda and thngs going on for her.

Thank you for reading The God Cycle and I hope you'll stick around for the upcoming season finale!

[angeltreasure]

Hello Sister, I'm the anon who keeps asking if you could pray for my education. Something unfortunate happened that made me miss my exam, but it was due to me being lazy and not double checking. I don't know if they will allow me to redo it. I am going to enter my second semester, I want feel motivated to study. I have been feeling numb for years, and it's been months since I prayed to God. I don't know how to go back to Him. I wish I had a Catholic or Christian friends so we can talk about this. I just feel lost, numb, and apathetic. If you can dear Sister, please pray for me. I want to be good and righteous. If God gave you message in my prayer request, can you please tell me what it is. I desperately need the Holy Spirit in my deeply sinful life. Thank you for listening Sister, God bless you

--Sister M

Hi Sister M,

I will pray for you! I can tell you that no matter what happens, no matter how much you fail in life or sin, God isn’t going to abandon you and stop loving you. He’s not hiding in a secret place until you get your life in order. God is with you, always. As like the Prodigal Son, God waits until you turn to Him so He can spread His loving arms out to bring you home. You don’t need to be perfect in order to go back to Him. A simple prayer is all you need to start. Speak to Him as you would a dear friend. He loves you more than you can ever imagine and He waits so patiently for you. If you are Catholic, remember the Sacrament of confession is always there for you and is a great blessing.

I suggest as a student, to keep a picture of the Holy Family with you. It can be a bookmark or even your phone lock screen, or a little picture to carry around in your wallet. Whenever you feel tempted to sin, take the picture out. To flood our human senses with holy things can help us out of temptation.

Other examples to “flood the senses” are, listening to soft Gregorian chant with your headphones, taste the consecrated Eucharist and wine at Mass, read one verse from the Bible, smell beautiful incense or a scented candle, touch beads of the Rosary or pages of your favorite Bible, read about the lives of the saints, and forms of prayer. The Mass is the highest form of prayer. The Rosary is a powerful prayer that has even converted a high Satanic priest; it helps focus our mind away from sin and onto the lives of Jesus with His mother, Mary. The Divine Mercy Chaplet kept the world from being destroyed by the wrath of an Angel. Blessed bells by Catholic priests have been excellent during exorcisms to expel demons because of their beauty and holy sounds. There is also Relevant Radio to listen to 24/7. EWTN is great for watching shows, masses, prayers.. highly recommend Mother Angelica Live if you’ve never seen it. Bishop Robert Barron with his Word On Fire is great to jump into on his website or binge watch on YouTube. Volunteering at your local church can be a great benefit for all.

Some teachers are kind enough for second chances, other ones are more strict. All you can do is ask. They may surprise you, offer you a different option, or make you learn the hard way. Pray for them, okay?

The Holy Spirit lives in you and He will help guide you. Your body is a temple for the Holy Spirit. Remember this. Take care of your body, especially going through the stresses of student life. Eat healthy, exercise, drink water, treat your body kindly with respect. What you carry is a special gift, even in your bad days.

For motivation, look to the saints. Each one lived a unique kind of life that they lived to get to Heaven. Some were students too. You may be able to find a favorite saint or two to model after. Don’t forget your guardian angel. They never leave your side and are waiting for you to pray to ask for their help. He can guide you too and help you, especially when friends are not available. You can be good and righteous.

“But now thus says the LORD, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.”

- Isaiah 43:1

[gqresearch24]

StreamPlay: Gaming Meets Television In A Seamless Fusion

(Source-https://www.streamplay.studio/)

In a revolutionary development, video games are experiencing a transformation as they merge with streaming television, blurring the once-distinct boundaries between interactive gaming and passive viewing. However, this evolution has not been without controversy, particularly concerning the infiltration of advertisements into what was previously considered a sanctuary from commercial interruptions. Traditionally, video games have thrived on their interactive nature, offering players immersive experiences in virtual realms. Yet, with the increasing convergence of media platforms and the surge in popularity of streaming services, gaming experiences are evolving to incorporate elements of traditional television viewing. This convergence is exemplified by the emergence of gaming platforms that seamlessly integrate streaming TV content alongside interactive gameplay.

The Evolution of Gaming from Interactive Gameplay to Multifaceted Entertainment

Leading the charge in this paradigm shift is “StreamPlay,” a gaming platform that seamlessly transitions between gameplay and streaming TV shows. Users can now enjoy popular series and movies during intervals such as matchmaking or loading screens, effectively turning moments of downtime into entertainment opportunities. This represents a significant departure from traditional gaming experiences, where players were solely focused on interactive gameplay. However, this integration comes with a contentious caveat – the introduction of advertisements. As gaming platforms embrace streaming television content, they are also introducing ads into gaming experiences, seizing upon the captive attention of players. This move has sparked heated debates within the gaming community, with critics lamenting the commercialization of what was once an ad-free domain.

One such critic, Johnathan Reyes, expresses his frustration: “Gaming used to serve as my escape from the relentless bombardment of ads on traditional television and the internet. Now, I find myself unable to enjoy a round of my favorite game without being inundated by commercials. It feels like a betrayal of the gaming community.” Moreover, the introduction of ads into gaming experiences has raised privacy concerns. As gaming platforms gather increasingly detailed data on user preferences and behaviors, there is a legitimate fear that this information could be exploited for targeted advertising purposes. Users like Jennifer Park, a cyber-security expert, emphasize the importance of vigilance and transparency regarding data usage by gaming companies.

Navigating the Crossroads of Entertainment

Despite the backlash, proponents argue that the integration of streaming TV content and ads into gaming experiences could bring about certain benefits. Michael Thompson, a gaming industry analyst, believes that this shift could open up new revenue streams and opportunities for content creators. “By incorporating streaming television content and ads, gaming platforms can diversify their revenue sources and potentially offer more content to users at lower costs. This could lead to greater innovation and investment in gaming infrastructure,” Thompson explains. Furthermore, some gamers welcome the added entertainment value that comes with streaming TV integration.

Sarah Johnson, an avid gamer, appreciates the convenience: “As someone who enjoys both gaming and binge-watching TV shows, the integration of streaming content into gaming platform is a game-changer for me. It’s like having the best of both worlds in one place.” Nonetheless, the debate over ads in gaming remains far from settled. As gaming platforms continue to evolve and experiment with new business models, striking a balance between monetization and user experience will be crucial. Finding a middle ground that satisfies both players and advertisers is imperative for the sustainable growth and development of the gaming industry.

The convergence of video games and streaming television represents a seismic shift in entertainment consumption. While this integration offers exciting possibilities for users, it also presents challenges and controversies, particularly concerning the intrusion of ads into gaming experiences. As the gaming industry navigates this uncharted territory, it must prioritize user privacy and experience while exploring innovative ways to monetize content. Only time will reveal the true impact of this evolution on the future of gaming.

Also Read: Powerball Jackpot Soars To $1.09 Billion, Among The Largest In History

[heibaicom]

The Benefits of Web Series Over TV Shows and Films

There is no doubt that Web series have taken the world by storm, but their revolution in India is on a whole different scale. Web series have created excitement around the world, mainly because people have immediate access to new content, not just national, but international as well.

The success of Web series in India is largely due to their effectiveness in eliminating the major shortcomings of the industry. In fact, these were serious issues that had plagued the industry for quite a while.

The debate still exists- which is better?

There are a number of advantages to watching Web series over traditional hindi tv shows and movies.

Censorship is less prevalent

The biggest advantage of Web series, (at least according to viewers who believe in the creative rights of a creator), is that the Film Censor Board of India has not yet loomed over the OTT content in India like a hungry vulture. As a result, many filmmakers and producers prefer OTT platforms to screen their films or series without having to deal with unnecessary cuts and censorship.

It appears that OTT content will not need to be censored in India (fingers crossed). Unlike movie theatres, OTT content is mostly made to be watched privately.

With OTT platforms, mature content can also be easily separated from family content. This makes it easy for those who want to avoid mature content to avoid it.

Talent that's newer and better

It is web series that have deservedly recognized actors like Pratik Gandhi, Shreya Dhanwanthry, Tripti Dimri, Jaideep Ahlawat, and many others. To maximize box office collections, directors tend to cast actors who have a strong fan following. As a result of their subscription-based revenue model, web series and movies do away with relying on a star's fame and cast the best actors for the role.

A greater degree of democracy has been achieved in talent recognition and awarding thanks to web content.

The best release for great writers and better stories

As well as actors, web series have also brought talented writers to the fore like Sudip Sharma, who wrote 'Patal Lok'; Gaurav Shukla, who wrote 'Asur'; and Richie Mehta, who created 'Delhi Crime'.

It was Shupp Sharma’s dream to become a storyteller that led him to quit his conventional corporate job to create ‘Pataal Lok’. In addition to writing the story for movies like ‘NH10’ and ‘Udta Punjab’, he also wrote the incredible story for Sonchiriya. Though Sonchiriya did not do well in the box office, it received critical acclaim throughout India.

It is a tragedy that films like Sonchiriya, or creators like Sharma, whose stories are critically acclaimed and really worth watching, don't do well at the box office because moviegoers have specific aspirations.

It is true that the same themes work wonders on OTT platforms because it is a subscription-based model, and people are willing to watch serious content on such platforms. Pataal Lok is an example.

Stream anywhere, anytime

The greatest reason why web series are so popular with young and working people is that you don't have to wait for them to be broadcast. You can watch them anytime, anywhere.

Web series made in six to ten episodes have become more and more popular due to the binge-watch culture.

In light of the points above, it is obvious that web series have an advantage over traditional television shows and movies.

Future hindi movie hd are definitely on the rise. With the efficient way in which web series have eliminated many of the shortcomings of the Indian film industry, the entire industry has grown more positively in the few short years since OTT platforms were launched, than it has in the many years since it was founded.

OTT is by far the best way to ensure a continuous and adequate influx of good content and talent into the country. At least for now.

[mobileapptechnology]

Cost To Develop An Android Ecommerce-App & Features

The popularity of creating mobile apps has increased recently. It is evident in every industry sector, including eCommerce, from healthcare to retail. Nowadays, people depend more and more on smartphone applications for nearly everything, such as food delivery, online shopping, and binge-watching TV shows or movies.

Mobile apps help expand brand awareness, improve market communication, higher conversion rates, and more. eCommerce apps account for 72.9% of the mobile app market, according to Statista. As a result, several business owners from different industries are investing in developing eCommerce apps.

People spend most of their time on smartphones and use multiple apps every day. Therefore, creating an eCommerce app can benefit your business as it will create brand awareness. Moreover, it can enhance user interaction due to 24*7 availability.

Every retailer should inquire about project costs before selecting an eCommerce app development provider.On his blog, he lists the eCommerce app development features that cost the least.

Note: To build an ecommerce app, you can contact Android application development companies in Virginia

Let’s go through the obvious business benefits of using an eCommerce mobile app-

Effective Marketing- ECommerce mobile app serves as a cost-effective and highly effective marketing tool. It not only meets the shopping needs of your customers but also allows you to come up with app-based discounts and real-time promotional notifications. In a sense, an eCommerce app for Android and iOS can boost customer loyalty.

Information Collection- The eCommerce app requires the user’s email ID and social media account details along with their contact numbers. As a result, eCommerce companies can obtain valuable data from their existing and potential customers.

Improved collaboration- A customized eCommerce mobile app facilitates secure and real-time collaboration between your company and customers. In addition to searching or shopping anytime, the app allows your customers to ask questions or give advice 24/7.

Spread Brand Awareness- Mobile app development company in USA creates an app that fits your business model, thus helping you increase your brand visibility. E-commerce apps with a personalized experience can be an excellent tool for effective communication with customers.

While eCommerce apps offer many benefits to businesses and startups, still many business people have no idea about the cost of developing eCommerce apps. Let’s dig deeper into this in this blog.

Selecting the Features First

Prioritizing your options wisely is essential when creating an e-commerce app because they have a big impact on the project's overall cost. Giving the necessities top priority and gradually introducing the newest items through features will help you get the most out of your money.

Customer onboarding: The capacity to sign up customers is among the most crucial components of a mobile commerce platform. You can allow users to join up using their social network or email credentials or provide them guest access. To enhance the user experience and speed up app navigation, a client login page or simple instructions are advised.

Any mobile commerce app must include a search feature with numerous straightforward filtering options. Users should be able to locate exactly what they're looking for by using a variety of filters and search phrases.

Push notifications are a crucial component of e-commerce platforms since they can periodically send customers alerts, SMS messages, and promotions.

The majority of customer engagement and business conversion happens in a product catalog. As a result, a user-friendly, logically organized product page must be created.

User-Generated Content: People should be given the chance to vote, comment, and upload their own tales.

Unified payment system: Several quick and secure payment methods should be provided.

Users can put the things they want to buy in a cart.

In order to provide customers the flexibility and confidence they deserve, they must be able to verify the progress of their orders and deliveries. Users ought to have access to an order summary and a delivery timeline.

Two examples of more-common advanced features include voice chatbot support and GPS position monitoring. But it's crucial to keep in mind that these sophisticated features could significantly increase the price of first production development.

As a result, give the foundational information top attention and build up to more complicated ideas based on user input. Gradual development is the best method for producing profitable e-commerce software without going over budget.

What it will cost to create an e-commerce app in 2023

He asked how much a smartphone app costs. You are in the proper location. The average cost to create an ecommerce app is between $20,000 and $40,000. A number of variables, such as complexity, the number of platforms utilized for development, features, design, developer location, and ongoing support and maintenance of the app, can have a considerable impact on the price of an eCommerce app. To acquire a precise cost estimate, grasp the details better.

The size of the business

The quantity of goods sold and the number of clients a specific e-commerce app serves determine the app's size.

Little

A small e-commerce business has limited inventory and few customers that require limited hardware and good UI/UX design. An eCommerce mobile app costs anything between $300- $16000.

It is an average business

If the e-commerce app has a suitable variety of features and regular customers, then the business needs a mid-range app with some complex features. The cost of building a mid-sized e-commerce app ranges from $16,000- $35,000.

Related Article: Androidapp development company in Tacoma

Business at the corporate level

To manage massive stocks, several sales channels, and countless brands, an app with this many features and users needs a scalable solution. It's also crucial that CRM and ERP are integrated. Custom enterprise-level commerce software can be produced for as little as $40,000. The development of apps for the e-commerce sector falls within the corporate business category because it includes thousands of suppliers who provide a variety of services to millions of customers.

Place

The choice of platform has a significant impact on the overall cost of an e-commerce app. While Android has a large user base around the world, iOS is more popular in North America. An e-commerce app should be built according to targeted user base preferences that help you move towards financial profitability. When you build an Android eCommerce app, it costs about $25,000. On the other hand, developing an iOS eCommerce application costs $20,000. Building the app on both major platforms brings in a total of $45,000.

Author: I’m Anita Basa, a fascinating Technical Content writer currently working at USM Business Systems. Interested to know about technology updates. Mobile App Development, IoT, Artificial Intelligence, Machine Learning, IOS, and Technology-related content Get connected with me on Linkedin

[absentcaryatid]

Jealous Yeosang

An ATEEZ fanfic by AbsentCaryatid

Inspired by Yeosang's Universe TMT quiz answer that he would rather have ATINY look at another idol than catch them going to another idol's concert.

1.2K words, Content note: gender neutral reader, rated all ages, the jealousy is teasing only

~

It was a cozy night in with your boyfriend over. Given Yeosang's fame as a member of ATEEZ, most of your dates were quiet evenings at your place or his and tonight was no exception. After the takeout meal he had arrived with was demolished, you ended up cuddled on the couch watching television together. Revisiting a favorite series on Netflix, you had brought up the first episode of Rookie Historian Goo Hae-ryung to introduce Yeosang to the series.

You thought he was getting into the show the way he was watching so intently but you were missing the way your devoted partner kept a close eye on your reaction every time the character Prince Dowon showed up on the screen. Finally he could keep it in no longer and paused the video. “That actor is Cha Eunwoo. I recognize him from the group Astro.”

“You are right,” you agreed. “I really like him....”

Yeosang cut you off with a snort. “So you have a thing for the visual in each group? He is taller than me and a model too.” His tone was taunting, but the slump of his shoulders hinted that an insecurity was exposed.

“Are you jealous?” Turning on the couch to face him, you caressed his cheek gently. “As I was saying, I really like him paired with Shin Se-kyung as Goo Hae-ryung. They make a great couple. Seeing them on screen makes me think of us and how much I love you.”

He visibly relaxed, but still looked stressed. “You are not just waiting to move on to him if you get the chance?��

You drew back in shock. “Yeosang, I could never. There is nobody for me but you.” He seemed to recover further until you made an addition. “Sure Eunwoo is handsome, and I like to look at him, but that is all. Okay, maybe I'd also go see Astro in concert.”

Yeosang pretended to be scandalized. “Not only do I expect loyalty as my partner, but as an ATINY as well.”

Wrapping your arms around him you bestowed a deep kiss then drew back. “As a couple we are exclusive, Yeosang, but as a music listener I can make no promises. ATEEZ will always be my ultimate group, but my heart has room for many musicians. You have seen my album collection after all.”

As someone who benefited from the occasional raiding of your extensive music library, Yeosang agreed it was okay to love many groups. Settling back into the cushions once more, you leaned against each other and resumed the series, liking it so much he binged three episodes before falling asleep snuggled into your side. Multiple dates went on like this until sighing together at the expected happy ending for the lovers in the story.

Such frequent time in close contact on the couch had been good to build up a reserve of loving touch to get you through time apart once Yeosang was on tour with ATEEZ. While the video calls and messages left on your phone were meaningful, you still needed ways to distract yourself from missing your adored boyfriend.

The best idea you came upon was to go to an Astro concert. Originally you had hoped to go with Yeosang when your boyfriend was back from overseas tomorrow, but that date was sold out before you could get tickets. While tonight's entertainment had been fun, it was not as enjoyable without your partner there at your side.

Show now over, you sauntered to the bus stop humming your favorite tune from the evening. Your way was lit by the white light stick with vivid purple star declaring yourself an Astro fan. You held it aloft, swaying, as you relived highlights of the performance.  

“Hey ATINY,” you heard a very familiar voice call out. Looking up, you saw Yeosang lowering the backseat passenger window as one of the KQ Entertainment sedans drove by and your face broke out in the largest grin. Opening the door, he pulled you into the vehicle.

Surprised by Yeosang's presence when he was not due home yet, you kissed him all over after being apart for so long. Once he could get a moment to breathe, he revealed that he caught an earlier flight home because he missed you so much. “I just left the airport headed to the dorm and we passed by the concert hall lit up for Astro. To see my own beloved partner walking down the street waving that group's light stick while I am supposedly still out of the country was hard to take.”

Professional as he was most of the time, the manager at the wheel was still heard to laugh as Yeosang mock berated you for going to see a concert that was not ATEEZ.

“It was one thing to have you looking at Eunwoo on screen, that I could endure. But to go to see him live on stage? Cheating on me like that is unforgivable!”

The way you laughed in return let Yeosang know you understood he was only joking. A truly jealous and controlling partner would have been ditched by you in an instant. Instead you both recognized his reaction for what it really was. Envy. Yeosang would have liked being at the concert too if he had been available. Even with his own tour stories to tell, he listened politely as you excitedly recounted everything you enjoyed about the show you had been caught headed home from.

“Sounds like you liked it a lot. Does that mean you wouldn't mind going again tomorrow night as my date?” Your look of joy gave Yeosang the answer he was hoping for. “You have sacrificed a lot for my fame and while I know you enjoy our evenings at my dorm or your place, I wanted to take you out on a real date and that's why I came back on the night flight instead of with the rest of the guys tomorrow. We have dinner reserved at that nice place you have been wanting to try, then front row seats for the second day of Astro's performance.” 

This was one of the many reasons you adored Yeosang. There was so much to him beyond a stunning face and witty commentary. He listened to what you liked and remembered that information to put it to use making you happy. That thoughtfulness went a long way with you because it was your love language too.

The next night as you sat side by side, you took note Yeosang knew all the fanchants by heart. After the fantastic meal he had gifted you the latest version of the Astro light stick so tonight he borrowed your older model and you bobbed them in time to the music. Yeosang was not even bothered when Eunwoo himself blew a kiss in your direction from the stage, especially not when you reacted by squeezing his own hand tighter, landing a kiss to Yeosang's cheek, and thanking him yet again for such a perfectly planned date with the only man you loved.

~

Yeosang Masterlist

General Masterlist

[queenshelby]

My Friend’s Father (Part Five)

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: Age Gap, Mild Sexual References

Words: 1,848

Notes:

I have decided to make this into a series.

Alright, no judgment. This was a dream of mine and I felt like I had to write it down. Everyone in this Fic is over the age of 18 and this Fic is in no way based on Cillian’s real family life. It’s pure filth.

 *************************

YOUR POV

Two weeks had passed since you visited your friend Denise in Dublin and it was time for the annual Galway Arts Festival.

Denise had been working on a photography project for the past year and had been nominated for a student award in Galway as part of which ten of her photographs were being displayed during the Arts Festival.

Whilst, as you had expected, Cillian didn’t contact you, you knew that he would be there to support his daughter. Being an artist himself, he was very proud of her and her work and he supported her projects not only mentally but also financially with the caveat that she would finish her degree at Trinity College.

Unlike him, he didn’t want her to drop out of university even though she hated it and you certainly understood his reasoning.

Contrary to Denise, you had no creative bone in your body. You enjoyed art and theatre, but weren’t an artist or performer yourself. Instead, you were an A Grade Law Student who had become rather bored in Galway and had recently applied for a scholarship to Oxford University.

Reading was your passion and you had always been known as a geek. In school, you were the girl that no one liked, nerdy, not interested in fashion or social media and wearing braces, which, luckily, had been removed three years ago.

You were shy and it was only for Denise that you came out of your shell. She was popular in school, mostly due to her name, but also because she was generally confident and, over the years, she helped you gain confidence especially after you had left high school.

But, today, you knew you would be questioning your gained confidence once again since, first of all, you would be seeing Cillian again and the truth was that you couldn’t stop thinking about him in an intimate way and, secondly, you were featured completely naked on some of Denise’s photographs.

Whilst the photographs were artistic and not sexual in any way and your most intimate part wasn’t visible on them, it bothered you knowing that people you disliked would see you so vulnerable and you couldn’t remember why you had agreed to being photographed like that.

The other woman who Denise chose to photograph was Amalie. She was 23 and had been Denise’s friend for a while as well but, unlike you, she began modelling professionally when she was just 16. You all went to the same private school together and, clearly, her lifestyle had been largely financed by her parents. She always wore expensive clothes and had no interest in pursuing a career other than modelling, which barely sustained her lifestyle considering the few small jobs she got.

***

Just as you served your last cup of coffee to an elderly lady sitting in the corner of the café you were working at, you saw Denise, Amalie and two other friends of Denise walk in.

‘Hey guys, take a seat. I will be right with you. I am just about to finish my shift’ you said as you hung up your apron.

‘Please tell me you will get changed before the Gallery opening tonight?’ Amalie asked somewhat weirdly and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes as you sat down at the table with her, Denise and the others before ordering some coffees for yourselves.

‘No, I thought I would go like this’ you said sarcastically, looking down at your coffee-stained clothes.

‘I bought a dress for tonight’ you then said, after Amalie didn’t seem to sense your sarcasm.

‘Right’ she then said as she flicked through Instagram and you simply looked at Denise who shrug her shoulders.

‘What are you looking for?’ you asked curiously as her eyes seemed to be glued to her phone.

‘She is looking to find more photos of my dad and Laura Jennings’ Denise said, rolling her eyes.

‘Laura Jennings, as in the actress?’ you asked, causing Amalie to nod.

‘Yes, apparently they have been dating’ Amalie then confirmed, causing you to swallow harshly. You knew that you shouldn’t care but you couldn’t help it. Knowing that Cillian was seeing someone made you feel ill.  

‘And you care about that why?’ you then asked Amalie after an uncomfortable shiver ran down your spine.

‘Apparently, just like you, Amalie thinks my dad is a DILF’ Denise huffed out before telling you how disgusting you all were.

‘Well, he is though…he is super hot’ Amalie then joked before carrying on. ‘And I don’t understand how you don’t know about Laura Jennings and whether this is true or not. You need to find out’ Amalie then said but Denise simply shook her head.

‘My father doesn’t share this sort of stuff with me and I certainly don’t want to know about his sex life, thank you very much. In so far as I am concerned, he doesn’t have sex, ever…yuck! Also, I would appreciate if you could not talk about my dad anymore, please. It grosses me out’ Denise said and you knew that, all of this had become a common occurrence ever since the day the first episode of Peaky Blinders aired on BBC, a show which Denise refuses to watch herself because of the heavy sexual content and a show which you, only a week ago, had begun to binge watch.

Cillian’s POV

When Cillian walked into the basement after you had left, he immediately saw the small folded up note you had left him but, reading it, made him somewhat uncomfortable.

He was torn about what to do with it and certainly knew that he should ignore it. He couldn’t see you again even if he wanted to.

The fact that you were 23 years younger than him and that you were his daughter’s best friend made it all wrong and highly inappropriate and he didn’t know what had gotten into him in the first place when he gave into you.

He had never felt attracted towards you in any sort of way until that last visit which was the first time had seen you since you and your family had moved away.

You changed in many ways and he wasn’t sure what it was that he liked about you. But what he knew was that it was more than just sexual attraction, which was usually something he knew how to supress.

With that in mind, he placed your note into his wallet and decided to ignore it for now. But he couldn’t quite bring himself to throw it out.

***

With his bags packed it was time for him to return to Manchester and resume filming of the final season of Peaky Blinders.

The first week of filming went well and Cillian decided to spend the weekend with his friend, fellow actress Laura Jennings. Cillian and her had developed a friend with benefits sort of relationship. No strings attached and no feelings involved. After his divorce from Denise’s mother, he wasn’t ready for anything else and Laura would certainly not have been the type of woman he would have wanted a relationship with in the first place.

Unlike him, she wasn’t press shy and, whilst they kept their arrangement a secret as best as they could, she was otherwise quite active on social media.

Cillian, on the other hand, only maintained a private Instagram account with the sole purpose of being able to check on his children. Whilst they were adults, he was still worried about them, especially Denise who had recently gotten herself in a lot of trouble after distancing herself from this Jeremy boy.

***

‘Another wine?’ Laura asked as Cillian was relaxing on top of the doonas, wearing nothing but his black Calvin Klein briefs, after they had spent the last hour doing exactly what friends with benefits would do after not having seen each other for over two weeks due to busy filming schedules.

‘Yes please…thanks’ he responded as he reached for his phone after a notification had popped up.

It was his daughter Denise who had posted on Instagram and, since she hadn’t posted for a while, he decided to check it out, hoping that she wasn’t with Jeremy again.

To his surprise, three new pictures of Denise and her friends showed up when he opened the APP and, one of them, there was you.

In the picture, you were wearing accompanied by a man in his late twenties, wearing a suit while you were wearing a dark blue dress and he couldn’t help but wonder who the man by your side was.

You looked simply stunning, with your hair long and open and your shoulders exposed. You were wearing only a little bit of make up and showed your beautiful smile.  

‘There you go Mr Murphy’ Laura then said as she returned to the bedroom with another glass of wine, pulling Cillian’s phone out of his hand and climbing on top of him.

‘Round Two?’ she then asked eagerly as she reached for another condom, but Cillian’s thoughts were elsewhere entirely.

‘Maybe tomorrow, I am tired. It has been a long week, sorry’ he explained, causing Laura to pout with disappointment.

But the second round never eventuated as Cillian left Laura’s house the following morning to drive back to Manchester to resume filming.

On his way back to Manchester, he called his daughter Denise to check on her and while he did, he enquired about your companion on the Instagram posts.

‘Why do you want to know?’ Denise asked somewhat confused but Cillian played it cool.

‘He looks familiar, that’s all. Didn’t he go to your school?’ he then asked, playing dumb.

‘Oh god no, he is 29. His name is Connor and he is an accountant. Y/N wouldn’t date anyone our age. You know she isn’t a normal 21-year-old’ Denise joked, referring to your nerdiness and intellect.

‘Apparently not’ Cillian chuckled before asking another question about the stranger on the picture. ‘So, they are dating?’ he asked.

‘I think they went on two or three dates or something. Why do you care?’ Denise asked.

‘No reason. I was just wondering’ Cillian confirmed before changing the topic.

   Tag List:

@lilymurphy03@deefigs @theflamecrystal @desperate-and-broken @weepingstudentfishhorse @livinginfantaxy @rosey1981 @atomicsoulcollecto @peakyboyslover @nerdy4itall@elenavampire21 @hanster1998@mariapaiva13 @fairypitou @harry-is-your-sunflower @zozeebo @lauren-raines-x @kasaikawa @littlewierdalien @sad-huffle-nerd @theflamecrystal @peakymalfoyscullymulder @themissthang@0ghostwriter0 @stylescanbeatmyback @1-800-peakyblinders @datewithgianni @momoneymolife @ntmynouis @lilymurphy03 @mcntsee@cloudofdisney@missymurphy1985 @peakymalfoyscullymulder @otterly-fey @janelongxox @uchihacumdump @basiclassy @being-worthy @chaotic-bean-of-smolness @margoo0 @chocolatehalo @vhscillian @ysmmsy @littlewierdalien @crazymar15  @stickyknightflowerbailiff @im-constantly-fangirling @goldensunflowe-r  @tellingyouastory  @captivatedbycillianmurphy​  @namelesslosers​  @littlewhiterose​  @ttzamara​  @ttzamara @cilleveryone  ​

@peaky-cillian​

@severewobblerlightdragon​  @ysmmsy​  

[novitafm]

  *  𝓈𝒽𝒶𝓃𝑒  𝒹𝒶𝓌𝓈𝑜𝓃  𝓋𝒸  *  𝖍𝖊𝖞  𝖜𝖍𝖆𝖙’𝖘  𝖚𝖕  𝖚  𝖌𝖚𝖞𝖘  !  i’m  late  to  the  party  but  i  was  tryna  be  ~aesthetic~  &  get  my  tags  nice  !  which  is  kinda  . . .  lame  but  oh  well  !  i’m  ready  to  plot  up  in  this  bitch  !  i  just  love  the  concept  of  this  plot  ,  like  i’m  the  biggest  reality  tv  show  hoe  !  i’m  lit  binging  too  hot  to  handle  rn  cause  how  can  u  not  ?  anywayth  ,  this  here  is  my  baby  love  novita  aka  nova  ur  rags  to  riches  storyline  !  i  want  all  the  plots  i  can  get  &  if  u  wanna  plot  smash  that  lil  🖤 button  !  i  can  hit  u  up  on  tumblr  ims  . . .  but  in  all  honesty  tumblr  ims  suck  so  hit  ya  girl  up  on  dickcord  @  𝑑𝑜��'𝑡  𝑏𝑒  𝖘𝖚𝖘𝖕𝖎𝖈𝖎𝖔𝖚𝖘#4904  that  way  i  can  constantly  annoy  u  !

  there’s  𝔫𝔬𝔳𝔦𝔱𝔞  𝔰𝔢𝔯𝔯𝔞𝔫𝔬  !  though  on  their  socials  they  go  by  @supernova  .  i  heard  she  is  originally  from  𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏  𝒎𝒐𝒃𝒊𝒍𝒆  𝒉𝒐𝒎𝒆  𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒌  ,  𝒇𝒍𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒅𝒂  ,  but  made  the  big  move  to  los  angeles  to  join  TWENTIES  .  you  haven’t  heard  about  it  ?  well  ,  apparently  their  dream  is  to  𝒂𝒄𝒕  𝒊𝒏  𝒂  𝒎𝒐𝒗𝒊𝒆  𝒅𝒊𝒓𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒅  𝒃𝒚  𝒒𝒖𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒏  𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒐  ,  but  they  have  no  chance  unless  they  quit  being  so  𝔢𝔤𝔬𝔱𝔦𝔰𝔱𝔦𝔠  &  𝔰𝔶𝔟𝔞𝔯𝔦𝔱𝔦𝔠  .  that  said  ,  those  behind  the  scenes  have  said  they  can  be  𝔣𝔢𝔯𝔳𝔢𝔫𝔱  &  𝔡𝔯𝔦𝔳𝔢𝔫  too  .  guess  we’ll  have  to  watch  and  find  out  !  ━  &  pink  highlighted  scripts  scattered  on  the  kitchen  table  ,  lacy  lingerie  peeking  out  of  clothing  &  love  letters  tucked  away  in  a  hat  box  on  a  closet  shelf  .

TW  :  drugs  

* ･. ∘  𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒔  .  ◞

𝔫𝔞𝔪𝔢  ›  novita  grace  serrano 𝔫𝔦𝔠𝔨𝔫𝔞𝔪𝔢  ›  nova  ,  novs  &  serrano 𝔞𝔤𝔢  ›  twenty  one  years  old 𝔡𝔞𝔱𝔢  𝔬𝔣  𝔟𝔦𝔯𝔱𝔥  ›  february  29th  ,  1999 𝔷𝔬𝔡𝔦𝔞𝔠  𝔰𝔦𝔤𝔫  ›  aquarius  sun  ,  moon  &  rising 𝔠𝔲𝔯𝔯𝔢𝔫𝔱  𝔯𝔢𝔰𝔦𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔠𝔢  ›  los angeles  ,  california 𝔥𝔬𝔪𝔢𝔱𝔬𝔴𝔫  ›  plantation  mobile  home  park  ,  florida 𝔫𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫𝔞𝔩𝔦𝔱𝔶  ›  american 𝔬𝔠𝔠𝔲𝔭𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫  ›  actress  &  model 𝔞𝔠𝔱𝔦𝔫𝔤  𝔠𝔩𝔞𝔦𝔪  ›  zoey  deutch 𝔪𝔬𝔡𝔢𝔩𝔦𝔫𝔤  𝔠𝔩𝔞𝔦𝔪  ›  kaia  gerber 𝔤𝔢𝔫𝔡𝔢𝔯  &  𝔭𝔯𝔬𝔫𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔰  ›  cisfemale  &  she  /  her 𝔬𝔯𝔦𝔢𝔫𝔱𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫  ›  pansexual  &  panromantic 𝔩𝔞𝔟𝔢𝔩𝔰  ›  the  coquette  ,  the  babydoll  &  the  sybarite

* ･. ∘  𝒂𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒔  .  ◞

pink  highlighted  scripts  scattered  on  the  kitchen  table  ,  an  intense  coffee  addiction  ,  lacy  lingerie  peeking  out  of  clothing  ,  strappy  high  heels  ,  floral  perfumes  with  sweet  notes  ,  love  letters  tucked  away  in  a  hat  box  tucked  on  a  closet  shelf  ,  black  lingerie  for  special  occasions  ,  glossy  lips  constantly  ,  pink  champagne  ,  sweet  breakfast  foods  ,  freshly  manicured  nails  

* ･. ∘  𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅  .  ◞

valentina  &  matteo  met  at  a  typical  high  school  party  ,  valentina  the  girl  from  a  strict  &  religious  household  ,  matteo  the  dirtbag  left  to  his  own  devices  

the  two  had  a  whirlwind  romance  ,  getting  high  off  each  other  &  off  of  crack  ,  the  drug  of  choice  that  matteo  introduced  valentina  to

after  only  six  months  ,  valentina  &  matteo  were  addicted  ,  not  only  to  their  toxic  relationship  but  to  the  crack  ,  all   at  the  mere  age  of  15  &  18

their  highs  &  carelessness  led  to  valentina  getting  pregnant  ,  when  the  two  found  out  that  she  was  pregnant  they  ran  away  

they  both  came  from  very  strict  households  &  this  was  their  way  out  ,  something  they  always  talked  about  in  bed  

they  only  went  about  four  hours  away  from  home  ,  landing  in  plantation  mobile  home  park  florida  

soon  after  getting  the  cheapest  &  most  run  down  trailer  matteo  fled 

he  left  to  find  the  next  needle  to  stick  in  his  arm  without  the  financial  &  emotional  burden  of  being  a  father

thus  ,  novita  was  born  to  an  addict  teenaged  single  mom  in   a  trailer  park

so  valentina  was  left  without  her  family  ,  alone  to  raise  a  baby  at  the  age  of  sixteen  all  the  while  trying  to  stay  sober  for  the  baby  that  changed  her  life  ,  thankfully  she  was  able  to  get  a  job  but  there  were  a  few  times  where  she  almost  lost  it  because  she  slipped  

her  mother  ,  valentina  ,  was  a  waitress  at  a  diner  making  minimum  wage

since  valentina  was  a  single  parent  that  would  work  as  much  as  she  could  nova  had  to  be  taken  care  of  by  someone  else  ,  she  was  watched  by  a  older  woman  who  she  called  kitty  who  had  lived  in  the  trailer  park  since  she  was  born

when  she  did  slip  kitty  watched  nova  ,  she  actually  had  a  small room  just  for  the  girl  when  valentina  was  either  working  late  or  disappeared  for  a  little  bit

because  of  her  mother’s  job  &  her  craving  for  a  high  there  wasn’t  a  whole  lot  of  money  for  the  two  of  them

nova  grew  up  fairly  poor  life  &  she  always  fantasized  about  her  mother  getting  swept  off  her  feet  by  a  rich  ,  handsome  doctor  or  lawyer  ,  a  fantasy  that  valentina  shared  but never voiced

when  nova  was  seven  she  was  at  the  mall  with  kitty  ,  while  her  mom  was  at  work  ,  they  were  approached  by  a  talent  company  who  thought  nova  would  make  a  great  child  actress  or  model  

kitty  knowing  that  valentina  &  nova  needed  the  money  ,  signed nova  up

at  first  valentina  was  less  than  happy  about  her  child  being  an  actress  or  model  because  of  how  it  would  interfere  with  her  job  &  nova’s  schooling

but  when  she  heard  how  much  nova  could  make  in  just  one  day  &  with  kitty  offering  to  help  by  taking  her  to  auditions  &  jobs  she allowed  nova  to  start  her  career

nova’s  first  job  was  a  commercial  for  barbies  ,  something  that  nova  will  always  remember

the  beginning  of  her  career  was  a  slow  start  ,  making  valentina reconsider  having  nova  being  in  the  business  a  handful  of  times  ,  but  each  time  valentina  had  doubts  ,  kitty  helped  reassure  her

when  nova  turned  twelve  she  got  her  biggest  role ,  a  reoccurring  role  in  a  soap  opera  as  a  daughter  of  a  main  character

she  continued  that  role  up  until  she  was  fifteen  ,  by  the  time  she  hit  fifteen  school  was  really  put  on  the  back  burner  in  nova’s  eyes

instead  of  being  concerned  with  pep  rallies  &  dances  ,  she  was  more   bothered  with  finding  what  her  next  role  or  photoshoot  would  be

finally  at  sixteen  ,  after  a  lot  of  pestering  on  nova’s  part  ,  valentina  let  nova  quit  school  & instead  get  her  ged

once  she  had  her  ged  &  didn’t  need  to  attend  school  she  had  a  lot  more  time  on  her  hands  ,  giving  her  more  opportunities  to  work  jobs

this  is  when  her  career  really  started  taking  off  ,  she  was  booking  more  modeling  gigs  , which  had  her  traveling  &  living  the  model  lifestyle

the  traveling  made  her  long  for  a  better  life  ,  seeing  where  elite  models  &  talented  actresses  could  go  if  they  worked  hard  enough

this  is  what  drove  nova  ,  she  saved  &  saved  &  saved  ,  instead  of  telling  valentina  she  was  making  more  money  she  tucked  away  the  difference  so  that  she  would  be  able  to  make  her  way  to  la  when  she  turned  eighteen

the  summer  that  her  high  school  friends  graduated  &  nova  was  about  to  turn  eighteen  ,  she  moved  across  the  country  to  la  with  a  high school  friend  (  wanted  connection  mayhaps  )  they  got  a  run  down  apartment  with  all  of  the  money  they  both  had  saved  up

thanks  to  nova  moving  to  la  she  was  able  to  get  better  roles  &  more  impressive  gigs

i’m  using  zoey  deutch  as  her  acting  claim  so  i’m  gonna  say  that  her  first  big  role  was  as  shadia  in  dirty  grandpa  when  she  was  eighteen

then  she  slowly  began  getting  more  movie  roles  like  everybody  wants  some  !!  , good  kids  , why  him  ,  &  before  i  fall

she’s  still  not  nearly  where  she  would  like  to  be  career  wise  ,  but  she’s  making  her  way  towards  stardom

when  her  agent  told  her  about  the  casting  call  for  twenties  ,  nova  was  apprehensive  ,  she  didn’t  want  to  be  seen  as  a  reality  tv  star  like  paris  hilton  or  lauren  conrad  ,  she  wanted  to  make  a  name  for  herself  as  an  actress

but  nova’s  agent  convinced  her  that  twenties  would  get  her  more  recognition  &  show  how  hard  she’s  working  on  her  craft  &  that  was  all  it  took  for  nova  to  say  yes  to  the  audition

she  didn’t  have  high  hopes  for  the  show  &  didn’t  even  plan  on  being  cast  ,  but  when  she  got  the  call  she  realized  how  eager  she  actually  was  to  be  apart  of  twenties  

* ･. ∘  𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚  .  ◞

𝔣𝔞𝔳𝔬𝔯𝔞𝔟𝔩𝔢  ›  fervent  ,  driven  ,  confident  ,  charismatic  &  independent 𝔲𝔫𝔣𝔞𝔳𝔬𝔯𝔞𝔟𝔩𝔢  ›  egotistic  ,  sybaritic  ,  guileful  ,  critical  &  histrionic 𝔪𝔲𝔰𝔢  𝔦𝔫𝔰𝔭𝔬  ›  buffy  summers  ,  jennifer  check  ,  lorelai  gilmore  ,  robin scherbatsky  ,  lucille  bluth  , margaery  tyrell  ,  jackie  burkhart  &  kathryn merteuil

given  her  history  ,  nova  has  grown  up  to  be  a  very  driven  &  motivated  girl  

she  takes  her  work  very  seriously  because  she  never  wants  to  end  up  like  her  mother  or  back  in  a  trailer  park

nova  learned  from  a  young  age  that  being  charismatic  &  flirtatious  made  you  stand  out  in  a  crowd  of  girls  the  look  the  same  as  you  &  want  the  same  things  as  you

she  uses  her  sexuality  to  her  advantage  &  she’s  a  huge  feminist  that  promotes  women  making  choices  about  their  bodies  for  themselves

novs  is  all  about  the  girl  friendships  &  is  loyal  to  a  fault  ,  if  her  best  friend  told  her  that  her  boyfriend  broke  up  with  her  nova  would  be  on  his  ass  in  an  instant

despite  her  loyalty  i  don’t  really  see  nova  making  lots  of  close  friends  easily  ,  once  they  are  close  she’s  extremely  open  but  opening  up  is  hard  for  her  to  do

she  also  likes  to  party  she’s  very  much  into  the  lavish  lifestyle  ,  wanting  to  milk  it  for  all  it’s  work  while  it’s  still  available  to  her

she’s  incredibly  independent  ,  very  confident  &  extremely  adventurous

though  nova  can  be  quite  self  absorbed  &  self  obsessed  in  the  sense  that  her  career  &  herself  are  the  only  priorities  in  her  life

* ･. ∘  𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒊𝒓𝒆𝒅  .  ◞

ride  or  die  ,  girl  squad  ,  best  guy  friend  ,  brother  like  relationship  ,  good  influence  ,  party  friends  , drinking  buddies  ,  shopping  friends  ,  gossip  squad  ,  only  like  each  other  when  they’re  both  drunk  , on  &  off  hookups  ,  friends  with  benefits  , one  night  stand  ,  ex  boyfriend  ,  ex  girlfriend  ,  will   they  / won’t  they  ,  costar  ,  producer  ,  fellow  model  on  a  job  ,  enemies  ,  rivals  ,  annoyance  ,  angel  on  her  shoulder  ,  tagalong  &  so  many  more  !!  

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

Deca-Dence 4 | Maou-jou 2 | Fruits Basket 2 24 (49) | Magatsu 1 | IWGP 2 | Koi to Producer 11 - 12 (FINAL) | HypMic 3

Still chugging away at these summer and spring anime...sorry for the delay...(LOL, that rhymed without me meaning to.)

Also, I’ve been on the fence about whether to keep Golden Kamuy, since almost no one I read the reviews of follows it now and it’s a week’s wait (when accounting for my AniList challenge)...so I’m putting it on pause so I don’t have to suffer later.

Deca-Dence 4

“…who possesses the will to fight.”

…Great. Kurenai is absolutely tethered to Kaburagi in a one-sided love. Just when I thought Natsume had an independent role model to look up to.

Maou-jou 2

Oh, this is from Shonen Sunday? Didn’t know that until now.

“Demon Shroud: A demon with 99 clans. A cloth demon that puts on airs that it won’t be used before it’s finished off, due to its wonderful fabric. It is full of beautiful ghostly power, so its skin is smooth. However, the hero (who commonly uses things he finds in his surroundings) caught one, so now the princess has zeroed in on them. The princess doesn’t need the hands or the head of these demons, so it’s a cycle of killing and taking revenge for them. Their fighting style is squeezing the life out of things.”

Apparently, the teddy is acceptable, LOL.

I like how the window stopped displaying text at one point.

I saw someone with a huge plait in the ED. The queen, maybe…?

I noticed the laughs dropped off significantly in comparison to last time, but it’s still good. I can flex my translation skills even if I can’t laugh at one part.

Fruits Basket 2 24 (49)

…jumping to the 2nd-last episode in a season is pretty unprecendented, but I’m going to watch this for the sake of Jon’s Creator Showcase…then again, I need to finish this anime anyway, so it’s just cutting and changing the order for something I already know the outcomes of.

I used to lose myself in movies so much that I would lose all sense of who I was and would have to “regain the bearings of myself”, so to speak. I would have to reconstruct who I was, even though I technically hadn’t “been broken” and I knew once I did that, it felt different. Like I’d travelled through time and past me would never be the same as present me. That’s why I kind of get what Machi means.

Oh, I didn’t listen to this OP much…probably because I’m emphasising bingeing the spring and summer series I left behind and now that I can skip the ads on most of my anime, I’m leaving behind the anime I’ll be slower on.

The manga was written when there weren’t as many cell phones around, much less smartphones.

Rin’s on bad terms with everyone…

…if I remember the year of the dragon correctly, the last one was 2012, then the one before that is 2000…around the turn of the millennium, huh? Froob is showing its age here, albeit unintentionally.

Now that I’m closer to the Musketeers’ age, I can kind of empathise with their scenes a bit more.

“If I always blame someone or something, I’ll never change.” – True. I realised I’ve been a bit too haughty lately (what with the HypMic anime going on and it being the first thing I could research extensively before the anime’s debut, my feelings are of course reaching fever pitch – combine that with continued COVID lockdown and you get me being all defensive of HypMic, for better or for worse) and so I may have acted like a jerk to someone, but since I only know them online and generally when I try to apologise to people online they don’t see the things I apologise for as things in need of apology, I know the fault lies with me to rein myself in. I guess this means changing yourself is the only way to move forward.

I wonder how Hatori did his doctor training while avoiding hugs from girls who aren’t Sohmas…?

Shigure vs. Gentaro (of HypMic, of course)…a writing competition! That would be fun.

…Crow’s note here makes sense (<- this is why I changed the order). Shigure was clearly asking a question there.

Come to think of it, HypMic and Froob have some similar characters. The stoic doctor is Hatori/Jakurai, the energetic smol one is Momiji/Ramuda, the teasing author is Shigure/Gentaro…that could make for some good fanfic material, really.

Magatsu 1

…that title is an absolute killer, man. Anyways, I’m here for the director, who also worked on Hataraku Maou-sama.

Is this a no guns thing, like IWGP is a no drugs thing?

…this OP has lyrics?! I just hear strange squeaky noises, the kind you hear on some autotuned sogs to make them seem more ominous (I can’t remember if there’s a similar sound in G-Anthem of Y City or Yokohama Walker, but one of the MTC songs has similar noises).

I kinda guessed Leo’s package was the one Schaake and her partner were looking for. I was right.

That CGI (on the truck) is…kinda conspicuous.

These backgrounds are gorgeous.

“The definition of in dubio contra reum is "in doubt, against the accused", meaning that, where there is doubt, the accused in a trial is not given the benefit of that doubt; they are assumed guilty.”

I wonder: how many protagonists start out as absolute wimps, unwilling to fight because they either know or don’t know their own power? It’s a pretty standard introduction for things with fights.

This battle track is nice. I listened to some of the Magatsu music under Masaru Yokoyama’s name on Spotify and it’s pretty cool, but since it’s background music, there’s not a lot of demand to listen to it (from me or anyone else, I don’t think).

Why is there only a single shield if they know the enemy has heavy artillery?

…what the heck is a Zeits? Update: You can see a “Zeits” (or however it’s spelt) in the credits list, suggesting Zeits is a character in this.

I knew this was my last premiere and this might have made or broken my entire watching schedule, but this is just a pretty down-to-earth premiere for a fantasy mobile game. While that cliffhanger compelled me to continue, I don’t think it’s good enough to beat its competition in the long run.

IWGP 2

I know I said Magatsu was my last premiere, but just to be sure, I’m watching this one.

This dance scene is beautifully orchestrated. The fact there’s no music means you focus entirely on the motion.

The OP seems to trade more in colour and spectacle than actual “cool factor”.

…wow, $2.90…? That’s some cheap food.

You know I hate 1st person cam with a passion, right? So…uh…

Eyyyyyyyy…this is basically McDonald’s, curry style.

I think I can almost see Ichiro of HypMic in how the G-Boys seem to mostly be reformed delinquents or actual delinquents.

…yeah, but what’s your name, random messenger guy? Update: We find out later his name is Isogai.

“It’s because I suck at working and communicating.” – Yep, that me.

Ikebukuro licence plate. I still have no idea exactly what places get licence plates in Japan.

There are actually 2 characters before “Hospital”, but no one confirms the reading of those characters…which is probably why they’re omitted.

…oh gosh, if this were a BL, Mitsuki and Masaru would be star-crossed lovers…*sigh*

Maybe it’s an unrelated 3rd party??? (In mysteries, you can never dismiss the work of a 3rd party.)

You can tell exactly which group is which based on the colours they wear. Makoto isn’t affiliated with anyone, so he’s wearing black and had yellow earlier.

I think an anime is cowardly – or trying to save budget – if they deliberately choose an angle where they can’t show the moment of impact clearly.

E! News, LOL.

Archangel, huh? So like a 2nd in command?

I think IWGP is moving in the direction of pushing the gangs against each other in the way Makoto describes in ep. 2.

As for what I think of it now, it's decent if you want something down-to-earth, but it seems to be missing some kind of "wow factor". Like it's afraid to commit to deeper characterisation, even though it has Makoto as the ostensible lead/viewpoint character.

Koi to Producer 11

“Cognitive Science Association” - I thought it was the Cognitive Psychology Association…? (Psychology is shinrigaku, science is kagaku.)

My boy (Lucien)…why must you be so evil??? Why do I keep falling for the tall but mysterious doctor??? (<- guilty as charged re: Jakurai)

…that’s some funky seatbelts.

What’s that look in Victor’s eyes…? Fondness, or something more…?

…ah, so there is “Science” in the place’s name. It was just being less loosely translated then.

Oh dang. Stuff escalated really fast, huh?

You actually set this in 2020, huh, staff? What happens ten years from now and people watch it, only to realise 2020 and 2030 aren’t so different? That’s what happened when people had the Y2K bug.

That yellow sign on the side says “exit”. It’s not of any use.

That’s not a recoloured Kiro, is it? It’s not Shaw, either (who I think we saw somewhere in the previous episodes)…so then who is it?

…geesh, they even changed Helios to Ares. I guess it makes sense: Helios is the god of the sun, but Ares is the god of war.

Koi to Producer 12 (FINAL)

I read on the wiki Lucien’s power is copying powers. No wonder I couldn’t get a solid handle on it!

So that Helios wasn’t a mistake in the credits list in the previous episode???

Can we even hear what Helios says when Protag-chan is pulled away? Based on the lack of subs, probably no, but I wanted to ask anyway. (Or maybe he said “Watashi”, since that’s the pronoun Protag-chan goes by?)

…so that really is Kiro, huh?

Military…what? When did Protag-chan’s father have a military squad???

LOL, at the very end you can see Gavin gesturing at Greenie (the pot plant, presumably a succulent). I logged on to the game 7 days straight (they have a Discord channel!) and got a Gavin R card with Greenie on it, which is how I know about it.

Anyways, that was a fun show. Not the best, but still fun.

HypMic 3

*snickers* Just look at my boi! He’s so tall, he has to bend down for kids! (I don’t mean that teasingly, I mean that endearingly, but lately I’ve been no good at expressing myself…Must be the lockdown.)

If TsudaKen was a guest last time, then Degarashi and Irihatoma could be voiced by guest seiyuus too…

What is Jakurai, hmm? (A Transformer, LOL?...I’m kidding, of course.)

All I knew about this episode going in was that it was an MTR episode. Maybe they’ll cover the stalker story from the manga…?

More literally, Hifumi’s sign says “will you monopolise me until morning?”. This reminds me of the MTR truck one of the servers I was in was talking about…it looked like a giant billboard.

“The most notable thing about Doppo is that he has no notable characteristics.”…and yet, he’s still one of the most popular characters of the series.

Suddenly, HypMic becomes a mystery…? I’ll take it!

Yup, “Doppomine” is now confirmed as “Doppo-chin”.

If all the mysteries I’ve consumed say one thing, it’s “never forget there might be someone out there with a grudge against you willing to pin a crime on you”…or alternatively, “never forget there may be an unrelated 3rd party who would be willing to pin a crime on you”.

These guys (Tom etc.) are just food critics, I swear…(LOL)

Oddly enough(?), googling “Shinjuku waffles” reveals there are several waffle places in Shinjuku…you wouldn’t expect so many waffles away from the home of waffles (probably Belgium), but there you go.

All the results on Shinjuku French toast point to this Café Aaliya (give or take an H at the end). Apparently, it’s so popular, people line up for it on weekdays.

Oh, so Tom’s a (street) photographer…what are Iris and Rex then?

The CGI on that car looks really bad, man. It may be dark to disguise it, but it still looks bad.

Jakurai’s dad car strikes again!...Was it white? I don’t remember, but I’m pretty sure it was a lighter colour than this.

I was quite worried about how much swearing they were going to throw in the MTC episode, but then…they kicked it down a week. So…start worrying about next week, folks!

I…thought he would call Jyuto for some reason. (giggles) I’ve never seen Samatoki look so happy in relation to Jakurai, but maybe that’s because he’s just chilling. (Or maybe he was meant to have a neutral but slightly happy face and they messed up the angle. I know I do that sometimes in fanart.)

There’s Jyuto, right on cue…LOL, that kick to the guts was so random it became epic!

Uwabami…what sort of snake is that, again? *checks* Giant snake. That’s no help. (That host could have a guest seiyuu too.)

Ooh, I’m fairly sure that’s an automatic car.

Jakurai went Jitsu wa kyoumi bukai desu ne?. “Fascinating” isn’t a wrong translation, but they did forget “In fact…” or “Really…” from the start and possibly the “?” at the end (depending on interpretation). Update: It might actually be Jitsu ni, but same deal.

They struttin’ down Kabuki-cho all fancy-like…Doppo sure does get a lot of punchlines, though.

This random guy at the club could also have a guest seiyuu…

…what’s with the random Tahoma?

…oh, hey. If Hifumi’s jacket acts as a security blanket of sorts against women and he gave it to Doppo for extra warmth (presumably), then…he’s trying to protect Doppo, even in his own sort of unique way.

Mimimi vs Hifumi? This is gonna get confusing…(hey, did they actually make a flourish noise when Hifumi put on his jacket? Does the distinction need to be that clear…?)

…see, never forget the presence of an unrelated 3rd party.Wait, so we have motive…what’s the relationship of Mimimi and the dude she killed? Who is that dude? Update: We find out later.

Notice Mimimi says “Hifumi-kun” – she’s still on an outside layer compared to Doppo, who just uses Hifumi’s name. Also, I noticed Mimimi called herself Hifumi’s “onna” – “woman” – explicitly, as if she belonged to him. The subs reflect that, but it seems to have less meaning in English because they outright translated it as such.

Well, they got to demonstrate Doppo’s snapping. I’m more than happy with just that. Also, Hifumi calls Doppo with a -kun here.

LOL, this song is gonna be known as “catchy”, ain’t it? Anything with an easy-to-sing-along chorus like “nananana” is. Update: Or maybe not even a chorus, it’s just lyrics.

Hmm…I noticed the “use Mr with me” line isn’t actually reflected in the subs, but the lyrics are so fast, I don’t know how they are reflected.

Did you notice the da in the lyrics in romaji?

…and s*** goes ka-blooey, as you’ve come to expect by now.

Mimimi-kun…?

Oh, so the background from Hypnosis Mics can get caught in photos? I never thought of that.

It’s almost as if they’re nodding at the Doppo fans through the 4th wall regarding his appeal.

It seems they’re not switching out this Buster Bros track, which is…okay, but I was hoping for an MTR ED. (Tofubeats was on this track IIRC and the anime website didn’t list a future ED, so that’s why I’m okay with it.)

…Okay, so Irihatoma is Mutsumi Iwanaka, who’s a rookie in the seiyuu world. *goes to consult Anime News Network*

Oh! Mimimi Hibakari! I get it! (It means “me, me, me all day” when written differently to her name.)

Uwabami was Shugo Nakamura and Degarashi was Mitsuaki Hoshino. I’ve never heard of these guys – except for Nakamura’s role as Teru in Idolm@ster Side M – so it’s interesting they contrasted TsudaKen with them…eh? Heilong? Whossat? (Probably the guy whose…parts…almost got crushed by Jakurai with a billiards cue.) This Hiroya Eto is even more underground than those guys.

A-hah! Today’s new song is “WELCOME U” (that’s how it’s spelt, don’t diss me for it!) by Kohei from SIMONSAYZ.

Update: I thought that kid at the beginning was Yotsutsuji, so it scared me for a second.

[vince-thrilligan]

'Breaking Bad' Returns: Aaron Paul and Vince Gilligan Take a TV Classic for a Spin in 'El Camino'

The Hollywood Reporter  |    by Rebecca Keegan   |   September 18, 2019

In their first interview about the new movie, star and creator reveal why they risked messing with their defining show ("Is there another story to tell?") and how they shot the hot Netflix project in near-total secrecy.

One day late in 2018, the phone of an Albuquerque, New Mexico, man named Frank Sandoval started ringing off the hook. Sandoval runs a local outfit that operates Breaking Bad-themed tours in an RV identical to the battered Fleetwood Bounder that served as a mobile meth lab for Bryan Cranston's Walter White and Aaron Paul's Jesse Pinkman on the Emmy-winning AMC show. Five years after Breaking Bad went off the air, the distinctive vehicle had — suddenly and mysteriously — reappeared in town outside a diner on a main road. "People were calling us and saying, 'Is that your RV up there?' " Sandoval says. "We'd heard rumors for years that they were shooting. But nobody we talked to ever knew anything." Sandoval asked around about the mystery RV and eventually came across a printed flyer explaining that a New Mexico tourism commercial was shooting in town. He figured that explained it.

Not quite.

In fact, Jesse and Walter's old RV was in Albuquerque that day, as were Breaking Bad creator Vince Gilligan and his cast and crew, engaged in a secret project. They were shooting El Camino: A Breaking Bad Movie, which will premiere Oct. 11 on Netflix and in theaters in 68 cities, including New York, Los Angeles, Chicago and Albuquerque, before it airs on AMC early next year. Netflix only just announced the project in August, after Gilligan had wrapped postproduction. That's because despite the Virginia-born writer's gentle Southern manner and almost pathological humility, Gilligan, 52, is a showman at heart, and he wants to lift the curtain at the last possible second. "I don't want to open my Christmas presents a week and a half before Christmas," Gilligan says, explaining his insistence on a covert production. Gilligan's producers say they had nothing to do with the tourism flyer, but they did use other means to keep the project hush-hush, including waiting until the last possible minute to share the script with crew, obscuring locations with trucks and screens and relying on a private jet to shuttle a key castmember in and out of Albuquerque without notice.

The two-hour feature film, which Gilligan wrote and directed over the past 18 months, is premiering six years after Breaking Bad ended with Walter dying and Jesse driving an El Camino to freedom from his imprisonment on an Aryan Brotherhood compound. (A trailer set to debut during the Emmys on Sept. 22 will offer a detailed peek.) The Netflix partnership fulfills a long-standing wish of Gilligan's for a Breaking Bad theatrical experience and follows the formative role the streaming company had in the series' success — Breaking Bad was the first cable show to benefit from a so-called Netflix boost.

El Camino centers on what happens to Jesse after he drives out of that compound covered in physical and psychological scars, and it features more than 10 familiar characters from the show. In deference to Gilligan's spoiler aversion, THR will name only two: fan favorites Skinny Pete (Charles Baker) and Badger (Matt L. Jones), the Beavis and Butt-Head of the greater Albuquerque meth community.

Returning to the world of Breaking Bad comes with some risk for Gilligan — during the course of its five-year run, the crime drama about a mild-mannered chemistry teacher who transforms into a ruthless drug kingpin came to exemplify a new, golden era of TV, engrossing critics and audiences with its dense, character-driven storytelling, winning 16 Emmys and delivering one of the most satisfying mic drops in the history of television with a finale that more than 10 million people watched on AMC. In the rarefied club of early Peak TV auteurs, including Mad Men's Matthew Weiner, The Wire's David Simon and The Sopranos' David Chase, Gilligan is the first to take a leap and make a film from his signature show (Chase's Sopranos movie is due next year).

There also is the danger of dwelling indefinitely in the world — however rich — that Gilligan created. Breaking Bad diehards already have the show's spinoff prequel, Better Call Saul, which just finished shooting its fifth season. "I'm hoping when the movie comes out, people won't say, 'Oh, man, this guy should've left well enough alone,' " Gilligan says in his first interview about the film. "Why did George Foreman keep coming out of retirement, you know?"

***

Gilligan works in a nondescript glass office building in Burbank with a view of a dry cleaner and a parking lot. This is the "fancy" office he reluctantly moved to before his team started making Better Call Saul — superstitious, he didn't want to vacate the derelict space deeper in the San Fernando Valley where they had made Breaking Bad, a building they shared with a private investigator, a music charity and an hoc threading business operating out of the women's bathroom. Also, for reasons no one can recall, there was a guy in the building who always wore a kilt. Gilligan, who lives on L.A.'s Westside with his longtime girlfriend, Holly Rice, chose the location because it was convenient not for him, but for his show's editor. When it came time to select offices there, he picked for himself the room that didn't have a window and housed a giant humming server.

His newer, comparatively luxurious space is decorated with Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul memorabilia — the special effects bust of Gus Fring's (Giancarlo Esposito) exploded head is next to Gilligan's desk, and bottles of Blue Ice Heisenberg vodka sit on a bookshelf. There also are model helicopters, tokens of Gilligan's other passion, aviation. At 50, he fulfilled a decades-long goal of obtaining his helicopter pilot's license. One of the locations in El Camino is a spot he used to glimpse while choppering with his flight instructor, 500 feet above the ground, en route from L.A. to Albuquerque. "When I'm flying a helicopter, I'm as happy as I ever get, which is not particularly happy, but still, as happy as I ever am," Gilligan says. "I'll never master it. It's one of those … Is that a Zen thing? When you have some sort of avocation that you're continually a beginner at. You're never going to perfect it. But in a weird way, that feels good, because you're never going to get tired of it either."

Gilligan first started ruminating on the story that would ultimately become El Camino before he finished making Breaking Bad. "I didn't really tell anybody about it, because I wasn't sure I would ever do anything with it," he says. "But I started thinking to myself, 'What happened to Jesse?' You see him driving away. And to my mind, he went off to a happy ending. But as the years progressed, I thought, 'What did that ending — let's just call it an ending, neither happy, nor sad — what did it look like?' " It was while planning events in 2018 to celebrate the 10th anniversary of the premiere of Breaking Bad that Gilligan first told his inner circle he had an idea to revisit Jesse, perhaps a five-minute short film, he mused to his longtime producer, Melissa Bernstein. "He just started letting his mind run over that," Bernstein says. "And he started to realize, 'I have a lot to say about this.' "

Gilligan, who wrote the feature films Wilder Napalm (1993) and Home Fries (1998) as well as some unproduced feature scripts, found his comfort zone as a writer in the collaborative, deadline-oriented environment of TV while on the staff of The X-Files. "I was the laziest writer in creation," Gilligan says. "I'd piddle around. It took me two years to write a first draft of a movie script in the early '90s, just because I had no one holding a gun to my head. I just didn't have that work ethic. Working in TV changed everything for me." But on El Camino, Gilligan returned to the solitary lifestyle of a feature writer. "I had been working with excellent writers now for well over a decade, and I'd forgotten what it was like to write something by myself, and it was daunting," Gilligan says. "Suddenly I'm trying to write this and thinking, 'God, I really could use a writers room about now.' " Gilligan outlined the story using note cards, his usual method, and then began on his first draft at his time-share in the Bahamas.

As a business philosophy, Gilligan is a believer in the idea that you "dance with the girl that brung ya," and at a time when many other top showrunners are managing multiple productions and seeking nine-figure deals at streamers, he has remained at Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul studio Sony Pictures Television, re-upping with the company last year in a three-year, mid-eight-figure overall pact that includes his work on El Camino. When Gilligan told executives there about his idea for a Breaking Bad movie, "We all just fell silent in the room," says SPT co-president Chris Parnell. "It was one of the moments when you think to yourself, 'Did I just hear that? Is that something he genuinely wants to do?' " Together with his agent, ICM Partners' Chris Silbermann, Gilligan quietly walked the script into just a handful of offices in Hollywood before deciding to partner with Netflix, as well as AMC. Both companies represented a crucial part in Breaking Bad's history, AMC for picking up the show after FX passed on it and Netflix for building it into the binge TV era's first true streaming/cable hybrid hit.

In 2010, Breaking Bad was at a crossroads: With the show averaging about 1.5 million viewers a season despite being a critics' darling, AMC informed Sony and Gilligan that the series could end with season three. When Sony began shopping Breaking Bad to competitors — quickly finding a taker for two more seasons at FX — AMC reversed course. Netflix, meanwhile, was aggressively licensing shows for its nascent streaming service, and content chief Ted Sarandos made a syndication deal with Sony for Breaking Bad. Originally, the arrangement was for the series to start streaming on Netflix after its fourth season finished on AMC, but, with the show's future uncertain, Sony accelerated the plan, and new fans began discovering and bingeing Breaking Bad on Netflix in time to catch some of the fourth season and all of the fifth and final season on AMC. When season five premiered in 2013, the audience had more than doubled from its previous outing. "We felt that it was a virtuous cycle, where we were introducing the show to new fans, who were then going and experiencing new episodes on AMC, and then when we would launch a new season, we would again see another wave of new folks coming," says Netflix vp original content Cindy Holland. Since news of the movie broke in August, Holland says, viewership of Breaking Bad on Netflix is up, some from rewatchers and some from newcomers to the series. "We were a natural home for the movie," Holland says. "It wasn't a really long conversation. It was a simple, 'Yes, please.' "

Netflix also brought the theatrical component, which was crucial to Gilligan. "Every time we'd put out a new season of Breaking Bad, we would have a premiere in a big movie theater," Gilligan says. "We would watch this quote-unquote television show. I mean, I guess quotations aren't needed. It is absolutely a television show. But we would have this wonderful, very limited, one-time opportunity to watch our television show on a big screen with giant stereo speakers thumping, the image filling 40 feet across. I always thought, 'This thing, it looks like a movie. It doesn't look like a show.' I really want to be able to share that with fans." As with its other theatrical releases, Netflix will exhibit the film in independent theaters for a very limited period.

The secrecy on the project extends to the budget, which all interviewed decline to disclose beyond saying that it is significantly higher than what Gilligan had ever worked with on the show, including the $6 million for an episode in the final season. Gilligan's producers Bernstein and Diane Mercer went to great lengths to keep the film under wraps during production, shrouding locations from onlookers' view, covertly ferrying key castmembers to the set and warning crewmembers to be discreet around town. "Don't be sitting on a barstool somewhere and talk about the project you're working on, because God only knows who's sitting next to you" was the mantra, Gilligan says.

The movie, which plays like a coda to the series, is thick with details that will tickle the superfan base, which is its true intended audience, Gilligan says. One that only the most devoted may pick up on is a key address at the corner of Holly and Arroz streets — a wink to Gilligan's girlfriend (arroz is rice in Spanish). "If, after 12 years, you haven't watched Breaking Bad, you're probably not going to start now," Gilligan says. "If you do, I hope that this movie would still be engaging on some level, but there's no doubt in my mind that you won't get as much enjoyment out of it. We don't slow down to explain things to a non-Breaking Bad audience. I thought early on in the writing of the script, 'Maybe there's a way to have my cake and eat it too. Maybe there's a way to explain things to the audience.' If there was a way to do that, it eluded me."

Breaking Bad was particularly cinematic television, with its wide-angle shots of the stark New Mexico landscape, expressive lighting and deliberate pacing. At one point during the series, Gilligan and his cinematographer, Michael Slovis, made an unsuccessful pitch to Sony and AMC to shoot Breaking Bad in the CinemaScope format that Sergio Leone had used to shoot Clint Eastwood's Dollars Trilogy. On El Camino, Gilligan got his wish — Better Caul Saul DP Marshall Adams shot the movie on the ARRI Alexa 65 camera used for The Revenant and in a 2.39 wide-screen format that seems designed to showcase a gunslinger's squint across the desert.

Gilligan is perfectionistic in a way that television schedules rarely have time to indulge. El Camino proceeded at an even more leisurely pace than his shows. Instead of shooting six to eight pages a day as Gilligan had on Breaking Bad, he shot one and a half to three. Most of the 50-day shoot happened in the same Albuquerque locations where Breaking Bad is set, but the larger budget meant he was able to take advantage of some picturesque out-of-state locations, too. "This is my first movie as a director, and I have to say, it made me want some more of that," says Gilligan, who has directed five episodes each of Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul and two of The X-Files. "You truly have time to get things right. It feels very decadent."

***

Returning to the character of Jesse Pinkman for El Camino was an unexpected career twist. While making Breaking Bad, Paul had grown as an actor under Cranston's tutelage and shed some fatiguing habits. "The first couple years were really torturous for me," Paul says. Often, after shooting had wrapped for the day, "I found myself in dark alleys in Albuquerque, New Mexico, at 3 in the morning, just to try to get more information, which was not a good thing. I just didn't want to mess it up, and so I stayed in that guy's skin, but I learned from Bryan it's OK to shake it off and wash up at the end of the night and just have time for yourself." When the finale aired, Paul says, "I really loved Jesse. I knew him better than anyone, but it was a big weight off of my shoulders to hang up the cleats and walk away. I thought it was goodbye, and I was OK with that." 
In early 2018, while Paul was in New York shooting The Path, Gilligan called him and shared that he had written a movie about Jesse. "I'm like everybody else on the planet — I think Vince and the rest of the writers really nailed the landing with the ending of Breaking Bad, and why mess with that?" Paul recalls thinking. "But it's Vince we're talking about. I would follow Vince into a fire. That's how much I trust the man. I would do anything that he asked me to." (Gilligan inspires a fierce loyalty, and most of his colleagues have been with him for years, starting with Mark Johnson, who discovered Gilligan while judging a screenwriting competition in 1988 and has served as a producer on Breaking Bad, Better Call Saul and El Camino.) Within months of answering Gilligan's call, Paul was back in Albuquerque's dark alleys, bearded and in scar makeup. "It was so easy for me to just jump into where Jesse's at mentally, emotionally, because I lived and breathed everything he went through and then some, and so, honestly, it felt like a part of me had gone through that as well," Paul says. "All I had to do was just memorize these words and then play them out when they yelled 'action.' "

***

Gilligan, too, grew up, in a sense, on Breaking Bad, and he has a wistfulness about how it has shaped his life over the last 11 years. "I'm about 25 to 30 years older than I was when I started," he says. "Yeah, I'm just worn out. I mean, part of what excited me about doing this was it was a movie, a closed-ended story of about two hours. If I was starting now, I'm not sure I'd have the intestinal fortitude to fight all the fights and expend all the energy."

Gilligan is not ready for retirement — not at all — but when he looks ahead to life after Better Call Saul, he sees something outside the universe of characters that have become his trademark creation. He plans to make another show after Better Call Saul ends, but what exactly that will be and where it will air, he doesn't know. "Personally, I'd love to figure out something different, which at this point would be, God, not another antihero," Gilligan says. "Is there something else I can do? Is there another story I can tell? But I've got to tell you, it's harder to write a really engaging good guy than it is a really engaging bad guy."

[angelbabylu]

Sweet Disposition //CH

pairing: oc x calum

word count: 4k

warnings: fluff!!!! dad!sos

notes: OKAY. as promised yesterday, here is a quick follow up to the dad!sos origins fic i wrote. basically just 4k of Calum learning to be a dad. this is based entirely on Sweet Disposition by the Temper Trap. it is written in 6 different vignettes, each based on the 6 things mentioned in Sweet Disposition’s chorus: a moment of love, a dream aloud, a kiss, a cry, our rights, our wrongs. feel free to read this as a stand alone

title: from Sweet Disposition by The Temper Trap 

Part 1

--

A moment of love

“You know what?” Beth said from a position behind Calum.

It was breakfast time, which meant Beth was scrambling eggs while Calum fed Lennon. They had only been living together for a month now, and there were a lot of adjustments he and Beth struggled with. Despite that fact, they had fallen easily into a comfortable routine for breakfast.

“You are almost the perfect man. But you’re missing something.” From the way she kept her tone light, Calum knew it was nothing serious.

So, he kept his attention focused on his daughter, opening his mouth to signal Lennon to do the same. When Lennon mirrored his action, Calum placed the spoonful of Cheerios into her mouth.

“Good girl,” he cooed at his daughter. To Beth, he asked, “And what am I missing?”

“You haven’t seen any of my favorite early two thousands TV shows.”

Calum rolled his eyes, shaking his head mutely. He knew Beth wouldn’t see the action with both their backs turned to each other, so he did it more for the benefit of Lennon. She giggled before opening her mouth for another spoonful. Calum obliged.

“I can’t believe you remember that. We had that conversation three years ago.”

“I never forget a traumatic experience, Calum.”

He turned to look at her finally. She was partitioning the eggs, one plate for him, one plate for her. On each plate, she placed half the eggs, a slice of toast and half an avocado. As she came to the table, Calum took his plate from her. Lennon took over feeding herself, grabbing small slices of strawberries from a plate next to her, using her round fingers to drop them in her mouth one by one.

“Luckily for us, I know just how to fix it!”

Beth’s brilliant idea was a movie night. Well, technically a Bi-Weekly Early 00s Movie & TV Show Binge Watching Night, but Lennon and Calum both agreed that was too much of a mouthful, so they just called it a movie night.

The first of the movie nights happened on a Tuesday when Beth claimed her first early 00s show as a victim. It was The Powerpuff Girls - as revealed to him when Beth paraded Lennon into the kitchen wearing her brand new Powerpuff Girls pajama set. Lennon looked pleased with herself, her curly hair falling in waves messily as she strutted into the kitchen and placed a hand on her hip.

“Oh, we’ve got a model on our hands!” Calum exclaimed, and Lennon giggled softly at her father.

Eventually, they settled on the couch together, Beth a glass of wine in her hands, Calum with Lennon and a bucket of popcorn on his lap. They watched the first few episodes together, and Calum was struck by how animated his little girl was. She laughed and pointed and made observational comments as Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup kicked ass on screen. It was not the first time Calum noticed the way she seemed to be in constant motion – in fact, Calum knew it was a trait she got from Beth. Watching the both of them together for a full month meant that Calum could pinpoint which traits Lennon got from Beth, which she got from Calum, and which were all her own.

About halfway through the third episode, Lennon began to droop against Calum, her spirited motions giving way to her need for sleep. Enraptured, Calum watched as she laid her head against his chest, yawning and fighting the pull for a moment before finally closing her eyes. She had one hand gripping Calum’s shirt, the other slung halfway across his chest. Every now and then her hand or her eyelids would twitch as her body responded to something in her dreams. It took a full episode for Beth to notice that Lennon had fallen asleep on him.

“Oh!” She exclaimed when she finally realized. “I didn’t even notice she had fallen asleep. I’ll take her and get her ready for bed.”

Standing up, Beth was about to lean down and remove Lennon from Calum’s chest. But then Calum felt a deep pang in his heart, and he was struck by how much he did not want to let go of his daughter. Not just yet. He looked down at the toddler he had known for only a month and realized how much he loved her. No one had ever wormed their way into Calum’s jaded heart so quickly.

“It’s okay,” He said, standing up and repositioning Lennon in his arms. “I’ll do it.”

Beth didn’t complain – she took one look at the adoration in his eyes and nodded. “Let me know if you need any help.”

.

.

.

A Dream Aloud

Just because Calum had a child to take care of didn’t mean he could bail on coffee dates with Ashton. Or at least that was what Ashton informed him after the first couple of months he, Beth, and Lennon spent holed up from the outside world trying to get used to each other.

Calum’s response had been a resolute, “Fuck off.” That is until Beth began complaining about how much she missed having time for herself. So, they came up with a compromise. Calum would go get coffee with Ashton at least once a week, and he would take Lennon with him. That way, Beth got at least an hour or two to reset from the demands of being a mother (and teaching Calum how to be a father).

Admittedly, Calum was nervous the first time he took Lennon out with Ashton on his own. There were some things about being a father that were not innate to him. He was ashamed to admit it. Naturally, he knew the basics – when she cried, he went to her; when she laughed, he laughed with her; when she got hurt, he took care of her. But that was where his instincts stopped. He wasn’t always good at telling why she was crying, he was still figuring out what made her giggle, and whenever she got hurt, she only wanted Beth to take care of her.

When he explained all this to Beth, she had seemed so sure he would get the hang of it. Beth quickly became someone in his life that he did not want to let down. So, when she kissed him on the cheek and said, “Call me if you need me,” on the day of his first date with Ashton, Calum was determined not to need her, whatever the circumstances.

The day was tame as far as coffee dates went. They were at a small place in downtown LA that served both iced coffee and ice cream to indulge the two babies he was taking care of that day.

It was early morning, so the ice cream parlor was relatively empty. All three of them were standing in line behind a pair of girls who were holding hands, occasionally bumping shoulders, kissing, and all around taking their time in ordering. He and Ashton were having an in-depth conversation about a beat that Luke wanted to lay on one of their songs while they waited.

Then, it happened.

Lennon moved from her father’s side to glance in the display case at the varied flavor selection. When she found the one she wanted, she pulled at her dad’s hand to get his attention. Calum was so engaged in his discussion turned argument that he missed the first time that she said it.

She tugged at him and said a little louder, “Daddy.”

Calum immediately stopped speaking, inclining his head down, all his attention on his little girl. She had never called Calum that before. He thought it was a dream that would never see reality. There were so many times when he would hear the word “Mommy” from Lennon and be sure she would never call him the same.

“Yes, baby?” he responded, but his voice came out hoarse. Rapidly blinking, he tried to keep the tears of joy at bay as he turned his attention to his daughter.

“Want chocolate!” She exclaimed, pulling them towards the direction of the display case. At that moment, Calum would have given her anything she wanted.

Later, he does cry as he relays the day’s events to Beth. Through tears, he bites out, “Sometimes I just feel so inadequate as a father.”

“None of that matter’s Calum.” She was standing in between his legs, running her hand through his hair as his forehead rested gently against her stomach. “All that matters is that you love her unconditionally. And I know Lennon thinks so. And she loves you just as much.”

.

.

.

A Kiss

After the first few months, it got easier for Beth to leave Lennon with Calum. There were not only Calum’s parenting insecurities to work through. Beth had brought demons with her from New York, and they sometimes sent her into a depression so deep she refused to leave her bed much less the house. So, they always took the time to celebrate small victories: her first yoga class, when she started hanging out with Crystal again, and the day she decided to start taking classes and get her diploma to name a few.

Beth and Lennon had a simple ritual for parting ways. Anytime she made to leave, Beth would give Lennon a kiss, ruffle her hair, and they would repeat, “Love you, always.”

For a while, Calum only watched this exchange from the sidelines. He did most of the staying home, which worked out perfectly as Calum never felt particularly inspired to go out anyway. Not to mention, Calum began to love the days he spent bonding with his daughter. They hold out against getting a sitter for as long as possible, but one afternoon Calum had an awards show to attend, and Beth had a meeting with a college counselor, and they had no choice.

“Maybe, I just shouldn’t go to the show.” Calum was worrying his lip as he watched Beth put on her earrings in front of the mirror in her room.

She caught his eyes through the mirror and shot him an unimpressed. “She’s going to be fine Calum. It’s only two hours between you leaving for to Ashton’s to get ready and me getting home. And Ashton’s is just next door!”

“I’m just worried.” This would be his first time leaving Lennon with someone other than Beth since they had moved to California. He realized it was easier for Beth as she had been leaving Lennon for work and other important emergencies since birth. Not due to negligence, of course, but rather from the dependence on others being a single mother demanded.  

Beth sighed as she put on the matching earring. “I know, babe. It’s hard the first time. But we’ve vetted the sitter. We trust her. She will be fine.”

Calum still looked noticeably distressed from his position on Beth’s bed.

Beth sighed again

“Okay, how about this,” Beth began. “Why don’t you and the boys get ready here instead of at Ashton’s? That way, you don’t have to say goodbye until the last second. And then it’s only an hour between you saying goodbye to the sitter, and me coming home.”

Reluctantly, Calum agreed. He got dressed early, and he and Lennon sat on the floor watching all Lennon’s uncles get ready for the ceremony.

“You’re pretty,” Lennon had cooed when Luke had finished smearing glitter over his eyelids and adding a slight red tint to his lips. Luke had beamed harder than he would receiving any award that night. Lennon also spent some time dancing to Nickelback with her Uncle Ash and laughing with her Uncle Mikey. By the time it was time to go, all four boys were feeling the reluctance that had overtaken Calum earlier.

“I will be sure to call Beth if anything goes wrong,” the sitter was saying as she held out her arm for Lennon. Calum held on to her for a moment, not wanting to give her over. From outside, he could hear car doors shut. All the boys had said their goodbyes and were already inside the vehicle.

“Text me too,” he demanded. “If anything goes wrong.”

“Of course, Mr. Hood.” The sitter was gracious. She had obviously seen Calum’s brand of helicopter parenting before. “But it’s only an hour. I’m sure we’ll be fine.”

Calum sighed, knowing it was time. Unwillingly, he handed over his daughter. “Bye, Lovebug,” he said, waving to her as she settled into the stranger’s arms.

“Wait!” Lennon called out reaching back to him. Then, puckering her lips, she asked, “Kiss?”

Calum couldn’t stop the smile spreading across his face even if he wanted to. He leaned down and kissed her once.

“Love you, always.” She said as he moved away from her again.

Calum smiled impossibly wider. He repeated her sentiment and waved to her once before walking out the door.

.

.

.

A Cry

Lennon’s uncles and aunts end up spending a lot of time at Calum’s house during that first year. The problem was that Lennon was a crowd favorite. First, it was just Ashton. In addition to his hour-long coffee dates with Lennon once a week, he had a knack for popping up at Calum’s house uninvited almost every day of the week. When Calum confronted him about it, Ashton had expressed concern that his favorite (and only) niece did not spend enough time with him. Mali lived with them for the entire month of January. Sierra, Crystal, and Kay Kay, not wanting to be bested in the “Favorite Aunt” department, all but moved in during that time as well.

It was a chilly January afternoon. Ashton, Luke, Calum, and Michael were sitting in Calum’s home studio, bouncing lyric and riff ideas off of each other. The girls were all outside with Lennon somewhere. The door that joined Calum’s studio to his deck was open, and through it Calum could hear the giggles and idle chatter of the five girls. Calum had luckily gotten over his separation anxiety from Lennon and was unworried, even now as Lennon sat by the fire pit with the women he considered sisters.

Ashton was evangelizing again. Lately, he was more concerned about the more profound philosophical meaning they could infuse in their lyrics, and Calum had heard him rant about it a million and one times. Calum tried to hide a chuckle as he thought about their iconic “I know now/ that I’m so down.” There were never any concerns about the deeper meaning of anything back then. All at once, he was overwhelmed by how much his life had changed in the few short years since they first started singing those lyrics. He looked around, realizing that he had established for himself a home and a family.

It was that moment of awe that was shattered by a piercing scream. Calum was out of his seat in an instant, Dad instincts taking over before he had the time to form a coherent thought. Racing down his deck, his mind comes up with a million different horrifying scenarios. In the few seconds it took for him to move from his studio to the fire pit, he managed to imagine everything from Lennon stubbing her toe to her falling into the fire pit. Luckily, it’s neither. She had fallen while running away from Sierra, which led to her scraping her knee. It was a small little scratch, nothing that a little Neosporin and a band-aid couldn’t fix, but Lennon still screamed at the pain anyway.

Calum recognized that scream. It was Lennon’s “I’m hurt, and I want my mom” scream. As gently he took her from Sierra’s arms, he asked no one in particular to call Beth.

In the end, however, Beth wasn’t needed.

“I’m going to need you to be a brave girl for me, okay?” Calum asked, positioning Lennon on his lap. Mali was knelt in front of him with the antiseptic in one hand and a band-aid in another. Mali made quick work of cleaning and bandaging the cut while Calum spoke in hushed tones to his daughter.

“I love you so much, brave girl.” He found himself cooing over and over. He was surprised to find Lennon quiet in his arms. It was one thing he was self-conscious over – his inability to comfort Lennon in the way Beth always could. But for the very first time on that late January afternoon, Lennon did not need Beth. Her dad was everything and more. She grabbed onto her daddy’s shirt and would not let go for the rest of the night. No matter the amount of coaxing from Sierra and Mali, she stayed firmly attached to her father.

That night, Lennon would not even let Beth put her to sleep. For once in the short time that Calum spent getting to know his child, he felt all his insecurities about being a father fade away.

.

.

.

Our Rights

Calum spent weeks planning Lennon’s third birthday. He knew that it wasn’t likely she would remember it in its entirety, but it was as much for her aunts’ and uncles’ benefit as it was for her. Everyone in their little family loved any excuse to spend time with Lennon. So, they packed everyone up and brought them to an amusement park. It was a small local park with carnival games and plenty of kid-friendly rides.

Apparently, the fact that it was Princess Lennon’s birthday meant her feet were never to touch the ground. Or at least that’s what Calum’s bandmates seemed to think. Ashton carried her on his shoulders until Mikey won her the famed Chameleon Miti, and her grip on Ashton's head was compromised by her need to also hug her chameleon. Then Sierra and Kay Kay took turns carrying her around on their hips.

Calum and Beth weren’t really needed.

They hung back for most of the day, watching as their daughter had the time of her life, laughing with her uncles and aunts.

“I love our little family,” Beth had whispered as they all stood around watching Ashton and Luke trying to best each other at one of the park’s strength tests.

Calum looked around at all the faces gathered to celebrate his daughter. Yeah. He really did love their little family. He couldn’t believe that just a couple of years before, he hadn’t wanted anything like this. Now, he wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Eventually, it started to get later, and Lennon started to get crankier. She cried for her parents from her position in Sierra’s arms and only quieted when she was returned to her father. They called it a day then. Everyone dropped a kiss to Lennon and an inordinate amount of gifts in the back of Calum’s Range Rover. Lennon was almost asleep by the time they’d buckled her into her car seat.

She was still clutching her chameleon as she blinked up at her dad sleepily.

“Love you, daddy,” she whispered as her dad connected the complicated series of buckles to her car seat.

“I love you too, angel.”

“Best day ever.”

Then, quieter, before slipping into slumber, she said, “Best daddy ever.”

When he climbed into the driver’s seat, Beth was looking at him with a playful smile on her face. “You okay to drive with those tears in your eyes?”

“Shut up,” Calum grumbled, reversing out of the parking spot. They drove in silence before Calum finally had to get his thoughts off of his chest.

“I just - Is it vain to say that I feel like we’re doing a kick-ass job here? She’s happy. We have a good support system for her, and I -”

Beth grabbed the hand that had been resting on the gear shift and brought it up to her lips, effectively cutting him off. “We are doing a tremendous job.”

He met her eyes for a minute, noting the sincerity there. “Honestly,” she joked when he turned back to the road. “We just may be the best parents ever.”

A wave of happiness washed over Calum again. Out of everyone he had ever met or had ever been with, he couldn’t imagine doing this with anyone other than Beth. Calum wasn’t one to believe in soulmates - he never was. But then again, he hadn’t met Beth yet. She felt like his complete other half. Her and Lennon were all it took for Calum to feel at home. He thought back to the 11 months they had spent together. Thought about the way Beth carefully sculpted him into the father Lennon needed.

“Are you happy?” The words were out of Calum’s mouth before he realized he asked them. He wanted assurance that he was doing everything right. He knew in his heart what her answer would be before she said it.

“Oh Calum Hood,” Beth shot him an almost blinding smile. “You have no idea.”

.

.

.

Our Wrongs

Calum’s heart wasn’t in it. All through their interview, he sat quietly at the back of the group, his thoughts at home with Lennon and Beth. It had been three weeks since he last saw them. He missed them like crazy. He missed waking up next to Beth every morning, he missed Lennon running into his room and soon as she awoke, he missed their breakfast rituals and even the point in the day when one of his band members would inevitably show up at his door unannounced. With a sigh, he tried to remind himself that this was a necessary evil. The band had taken an indefinite hiatus so he could spend some time with his daughter. Now, they were back with a press tour to promote their new album and tour.

But Calum couldn’t help thinking if he couldn’t make it through a few weeks without Beth and Lennon, how the hell was he supposed to make it through the few months they would spend on tour? Calum was so lost in thought, he almost missed it when the interviewer turned to ask him a question.

“Calum, you recently decided to share your daughter with the world.”

The narrative they had gone with was lacking in some details. Calum’s PR team didn’t share very much about Beth or their rocky beginnings, just that it had taken Calum a while to be able to share his daughter with the world. It was not technically a lie. But now that the secret was out there, people loved talking about it.

Not that Calum minded. His face lit up at the mention of his daughter.

“Yes!” He said. “Being a father - It’s amazing. One of the best things I’ve ever experienced.”

“And where’s your little girl now?”

His face fell. He wished more than anything that she was right there with him, that he could glance to Lennon and Beth behind the camera and say “Right here.” Unfortunately, that was not the case.

“At home with her mother.”

“You must miss her.”

You have no idea, Calum thought, but he didn’t get a chance to say it before the interviewer was moving on to the next question.

Once the cameras stopped rolling, Calum was the first one out of his seat. Before he even reached the door, he had a phone out, facetiming Beth. His little girl answered.

“Daddy!” She said with a giggle. Her curls were unruly as if she had just awoken from her nap. He could see Beth sat behind her, watching as they interacted on the phone.

“Hey, Princess.” Immediately, the weight that had been tugging at his heart lifted.

Then his heart sank again.

“Miss you,” Lennon said with a pout. “Come home.”

“Soon,” he promised. As he was saying it, he knew what he had to do. “Can I talk to mommy alone, angel?”

Satisfied with the promise of seeing her dad soon, Lennon handed the phone to Beth and scurried off.

“She really does miss you, you know,” Beth said by way of greeting. “She refuses to let me sing her to sleep. Says her daddy’s voice is better.”

Calum grinned at that - Beth did not have a great singing voice. Everyone in the house new that.

“Calum Hood, if you say one word about my singing voice, I’m filing for a divorce.”

“We’re not married,” Calum countered.

This was their new thing.

Beth would threaten divorce, Calum would pretend like she hadn’t been hinting at marriage for weeks and that he didn’t already have a ring burning a hole in his pockets, and Beth would respond with, “We’re basically married. You just need to put a ring on it.”

“Beth.” His tone turned serious. She might not know it yet, but their engagement was already all planned. He had a more pressing matter to discuss with her. “I messed up, didn’t I?”

She sat up immediately, noting the change in his demeanor. “What do you mean?” There was a frown finding her way onto his face.

“I mean, I messed up when I left you and Lennon at home.”

The frown slowly became a smile, “I was wondering when you’d come to your senses.”

Calum had the urge to explain himself. “I just thought that you would want to stay in the comfort of your home. Sometimes our schedules are hectic and-”

“Home is with you, you big dolt.”

Calum grinned, impossibly wide. “You guys wanna come on the world tour with us.”

Whatever answer Beth has planned gets drowned out by Lennon’s, “Yes, yes, yes!” in the background.

Calum took comfort in the realization that no matter the mistakes he made, his family would always be there for him.

--

end notes: i hope you liked it! a bitch really did not know that the lyrics to this song were “a dream a loud” all this time i thought it was “a dream, a laugh” so it’s a good thing i looked up the lyrics before writing. anyway!! sorry for spamming yall with notifs two days in a row. feel free to ignore. 

let me know what you think of calum, lennon & beth! love yall!

tag list: @5sosnsfw / @bloodmoonashton / @lukescaboose / @5sex-of-summa / @deviantnines / @halcyonnhood / @gh0st-0f-y0u-95 / @aspiringwildfire / @cal-pal-cuddles / @hotmessmichael / @hereforlukescruff/ @softforcal / @ohhmuke / @fratcalum / @calumamongmen / @ashtonandcalslefthand / @asht0ns-world / @colorful-queen-of-the-roses / @heavenlydrarry / @slowlyelectronictragedy / @myemptywallets / @pagesuponstpages / @fallfrxmgrace / @thefireisgone / @michaelorwhat / @dammitbands / @sugarcoated-pain / @sublimehood / @cal-puddies / @singt0mecalum / @irwinkitten / @myloverboyash

[omgktlouchheim]

Word Vomit Wednesday - Romanticizing Rejection

Welcome to Word Vomit Wednesday! A series of blog posts where I attempt to process thoughts and feelings around a specific topic or current events that I, and sometimes the rest of the Internet, ruminate obsessively about. All thoughts/opinions/experiences are my own (unless otherwise indicated); I don’t claim anything that I write to represent anyone other than myself.

Recently, I’ve made some more deliberate efforts to create community and meet people now that I’m more settled and steady in Tucson. This need to venture out and start testing the waters led me to sign up for a three-month virtual community that was being beta-tested by my life-coach. The calls were scheduled to happen once a month for two hours with a max of up to 30 people. They began with an exercise to ground us and any anxieties we might be bringing into the call, a brief ice-breaker to get acquainted with one another, then a specific topic that the majority voted for would be presented, either by my life coach or a volunteer from the group that we would build a conversation around. On the last call that we had in November, the topic was about rejection. Mostly around intimate or romantic relationships, although we also got into the ways we’ve felt rejected by others in often small, subtle ways that resulted in big impacts on our lives. Other than discussing those smaller moments I admit, I was not interested in the topic. I couldn’t quite figure out what was so compelling about rejection.

Then, as I do, I started thinking about it. I read a Refinery29 article that talked about the man who invented “Rejection Therapy,” a game where the aim is to get rejected by others to build resilience to the fear of rejection, and watched a TedTalk where another man who took the game and challenged himself to vlog getting rejected for 100 days and how it changed his life for the better. As I thought, and read, and watched I came to an understanding that underneath the blanket of “rejection” seems to be where the issues actually lie. Fear of putting yourself out there. Not wanting to open yourself up to potentially painful situations. Anxious/avoidant/dysfunctional attachment issues. Asking for help or for something that you want or need. Tapping into your own creativity. Setting a boundary. The rejection itself doesn’t seem to be the actual issue. The underlying issue is showing up in the world fully as yourself and the reality that you may have to make some tough decisions regarding your relationships when certain people are not so accepting. Sometimes the fear of rejection is also about how a rejection is relayed. Humans are notorious for responding to others in a multitude of fucked up ways. Ghosting, public humiliation, abuse, torture, condescension/belittling/minimizing, interrupting, ignoring, attacking, defending, stonewalling, projecting/deflecting, lying… the list goes on and on. Given all of this, I feel like rejection and the ways it can be demonstrated is more telling of the source and is imperative information to have for our own health and well-being.

Pain, in and of itself, is important. Not in the bullshit “no pain no gain” way, but in that it is a part of the human condition in the same way that joy, sadness, excitement and other emotions and sensations are a part of the human condition. When feelings come up for us, they present us with data based on internal and external stimuli and it is our job to interpret that data as accurately as possible to then take any action that may be required of us. We can have a tendency to have difficulty when thinking about our feelings this way because in this society we are essentially conditioned to cut off communication between ourselves and our emotions and other physiological sensations our bodies use to relay important messages to us. It can make it very hard, scary even, to retrain ourselves to listen to ourselves. Instead we choose to ignore feelings when they come up, maybe become annoyed with ourselves when uncomfortable feelings arise, binge eat to try to physically shove discomfort down, shop compulsively because we think something external will quiet or “fix” the internal, and develop a variety of other coping mechanisms because we don’t know what to do with them and probably had never been given the space to safely explore what they could be trying to tell us. When pain gets activated either physically or emotionally, it usually means a major boundary has been crossed, or something is wrong and needs to be checked out right away. When we stub our toe walking into the couch going from one room to the next in our house, we learn to pay more attention to our surroundings and adapt. When we’ve been running around from errand to errand all day and our body begins to ache, we know we’ve reached our limit and need to take a break. And when we come down with some illness and are coughing so hard that it hurts to even breathe, we go to the doctor. Because we feel pain, we are able to take charge and make any number of possible necessary changes to our lives. It can become trickier to know what action to take when our feelings get hurt (because it’s both a physical and  largely internal response), but really the same principles apply. When someone says or does something that hurts your feelings you figure out what nerve that hit and determine if this is a person you keep in your life and to what extent based on your particular boundaries and needs. Easier said than done, I know. 

On the flip side of this, and as the title of this essay indicates, we are not only a society that teaches us to fear pain and any “negative” feelings but we are also one that is OBSESSED with suffering. Everything from our narratives about tragic “starving artists,” the 24-hour news cycle, the internet, the romanticization of drama in our relationships, violence permeates almost every aspect of our culture. There is a huge difference between pain and suffering though. Pain, like I said before, is there to relay a message to us that we then interpret, take action on, and release. Suffering, on the other hand, is something we do to ourselves. We replay old narratives on loops that keep us trapped in emotional purgatory and we take our issues out on others instead of tackling them head on and making difficult but necessary changes in our lives. And sometimes we even allow and cause the suffering of others because we benefit from the exploitation of others. So, it’s entirely possible that it may not even be pain from rejection we’re all trying to avoid, but all pain because we’re already so overloaded with so much pain AND suffering. We are so desensitized to pain in a variety of forms, no wonder our relationship with it is dysfunctional. We may honestly, be too tired to even think about engaging with it. Unfortunately, when we ignore it we allow injustice to flourish and we lose out on so much. Not only do we not see all the choices and opportunities laid out before us, or take risks in relationships, we are so used to fear that we end up rejecting ourselves. Our worlds become so small and we do this to ourselves. And this is the main difference between pain and suffering. Pain releases when we recognize it and take action, suffering is what we do to ourselves by choice even when there are so many other options available to us.  

We will often choose to reject and betray ourselves before stepping into the unknown. I am no stranger to this myself. There have been so many times that I had an inkling to do that thing or talk to that person or allow myself to want something and I never would. I would make up some excuse or other and not give myself a chance. “Well, if they’re interested they’ll say something. I don’t want to bother them.” “That sounds like a really cool job, but I don’t think I’m qualified.” “I’m not going to submit this project for the competition, I probably don’t have a shot at winning.” This year I’ve been recognizing many of the ways in which I reject myself, often so subtly, that I barely even know I’m doing it. Because it’s typically modeled and learned behavior and unless we start doing healing work, rejecting ourselves just seems normal. It takes a lot of work just to hear the whispers: “Don’t go out tonight, everybody sucks so it’s not like you’d meet anyone decent anyway,” “Don’t speak your truth because everyone you care about will abandon you,” “You have to hustle or you’ll never be worthy of success or love.” There are probably millions of examples and they’ll show up differently for different people. Not only do we adopt these behaviors and narratives, we let them drive everything we do because we believe they are part of our identities. It’s a lie. The fact is, you get to decide who you want to be and how you want to show up in the world. It takes practice, work, and a lot of self-discovery. We also face many obstacles and various forms of systemic oppression that are so much larger than any one individual, which can also be another reason why showing up as yourself can feel dangerous. As difficult and scary as it may be, it’s also worth it even if you don’t initially know  how you’re going to do it or where it’s going to take you. 

There’s this game I really like to play on my phone called Flow. It’s kind of like a connect-the-dots puzzle. You have a shape with multiple pairs of dots inside that you have to connect without impeding the other paths of the other connecting dots. What I like most about this game is that once you get one path, the other ones start to become more clear. Flow is all about taking that first step on one path and connecting the dots as you go. The paths are not always linear and straightforward. Sometimes there are twists, sharp-corners and backtracking. But once you start toward something; an idea, goal, etc., worlds you never knew existed start to open up. Toward the end of my studies to get my certificate in audio engineering and production the faculty held a competition for the post-production projects we’d been working on. I hadn’t planned on submitting mine even though I loved it and was really proud of the work I did and how it turned out. The moment I was aware of the competition I heard a whisper that said, “It’s probably not as good as other people’s.” Flash forward: I won first place. After seeing my project, a friend in my class said I should submit it. For whatever reason, I decided to internalize his belief in me and my talent and I went for it. Had I not done that I would have missed out, not only on winning the top prize, but on being asked about my process and being celebrated for something really cool that I did and integrating more self-confidence and the message that I deserve to be in the running for the things I want into my psyche. What I learned from that and other experiences since, is that on the flip side of rejection is courage.

Katie Louchheim would like to wish everyone a very Merry Impeachmas!

[animebw]

Binge-Watching: Soul Eater, Episodes 34-36

In which I extol the virtues of big battle scenes, the status quo is put in jepoardy, and one particular scene kicks so much ass that my ass is still sore.

Battle for the Brew

There’s something about big battle arcs in anime that really gets under my skin in the best way possible. Throwing tons of characters together for a single battle tends to bring out all their best qualities; there are so many opportunities for so many different combinations to bounce off each other, it can’t help but conjure up all the giddiest possibilities you’ve ever wanted to see. It’s the giddiness of finally dumping the entire toybox out and getting to play with all the pieces at once. Two characters might meet for the first time and become inseparable friends or rivals! Another pair may finally put an end to their long-gestating conflict! Close calls and closer saves and the potential for moments of triumph on all sides, developing everybody’s personal journey in tandem! The Promised Day from FMA Brotherhood, the Chimera Ant war from Hunter x Hunter, pretty much any of the legendary Gintama smackdowns... at their best, these kinds of massive-scale conflicts are the kind of experiences that define an entire show, possibly an entire generation of anime fans. And while Soul Eater’s Battle for the Brew is by no means on that same level of paragon status, it’s still pretty much a perfect example of why these kinds of battles work so well.

It’s also remarkably short compared to those other examples I listed, clocking in at only three episodes of conflict on a snowblown battlefield. Yet for such a limited amount of time, it still accomplishes a hell of a lot. It gives you an opportunity to see a wide variety of different battles, ranging from curb-stomps to duels to Mob Boss smackdowns, all while never losing track of where all the pieces are in relation to each other. And most importantly, every single battle ends up being memorable and worthwhile in its own right, propelling its plot through action in a way that makes each clash of blades carry the weight of change and growth behind it. The adults especially benefit from this; watching Sid and Mifune engage in a respectful, yet intense, duel across the snow bluffs makes them both far more fascinating characters than they’ve ever been before. Forget all the dull exposition scenes we’ve slogged through with them before; it’s behind the clash of blades that their characters truly come out. Sid’s willingness to engage with his foe on frank terms gives him far more depth than he’s ever had, and Mifune’s willingness to match his honesty tells us a lot about how highly he values his personal sense of honor. Meanwhile, Ms. Marie manages to completely win me over with the intensity of her concern for his new charges. The moment where she orders Ox’s team not to head into the storm, only for them to do so anyway, was honestly kind of gut-wrenching. Marie is trying so hard to be a role model for these kids in such dark times, but she can never shake the sense that they’ve already surpassed her, leaving her a useless, hollowed-out shell of an adult. That’s damn good writing, and it just needed a single moment to sink in.

And speaking of Ox’s team, another thing these kinds of massive battles do well is allowing smaller characters a moment to shine and finally make an impression on the audience. We’ve only ever seen these kids in passing before, and I don’t think we’ve ever seen Kim until this moment. But their brief skirmish with the forces of Arachnophobia outside the magnetic storm instantly makes me want to see more of all of them. Seriously, that one guy’s dual fire and lightning gloves are too damn cool to not see more of. And that bro moment where he finally gives in and hands BlackStar a candy bar in a real bro move right before he enters the storm sells their camaraderie better than any flashback ever could. There’s a fantastic economy of storytelling at play here; Kim just has to flex her flamethrower lantern a little to instantly get me on her side (”I should’ve charged money”). It might just be three episodes, but there’s enough cool shit going on in those three episodes to make all of them super worth it.

Sing Me a Song, Oh Piano Man

But still, all of that takes backseat to a single, jaw-dropping sequence at the climax of this duel: Soul finally accepting the devil’s bargain and playing his mental piano to power of his team. This moment has been a long time coming; Soul’s been grappling with the potential cost/risk of giving in to the black blood ever since Crona first carved it into his flesh back in episode 7. And while his fantastic conversation with Maka in episode 20 was a great capstone to their arc, it was clear Soul was eventually going to take a second peek into that darkness. You don’t just leave that kind of juicy tidbit hanging without capitalizing on it. But man, it’s always such a fascinatingly powerful moment whenever Soul accepts the aid of Crona’s curse. You get the sense that he’s very good at looking at this question from an objective angle, considering any and all possibilities before finally concluding that this is the best option. He may be facing down darkness and madness, but he does so with about as clear a head as anyone could reasonably hope for. Not to mention how sweet it was when everyone throws their full support behind his decision; after all, they’ve wanted to hear him play the piano for them for so long. What better opportunity than as the background music for them to utterly shred the juggernaut that was giving them so much trouble before?

And once Soul finally slams his hands down on the keys, letting that first, chaotic chord rush out? Goddamn. God DAMN. The ensuing fight is less a fight than a ballet of sheer, apocalyptic glee. It’s perfectly timed, perfectly paced, every combatant landing their pumped-up blows with the crescendo of a searing en pointe. Underscored by nothing but Soul’s increasingly moody piano, it’s an utterly mesmerizing flurry of movement and sound, matching the triumph of our heroes’ victory perfectly with the panic of watching Soul press his spirit beyond its capabilities, slavering with increasing agony in the process. I didn’t pause to take notes for the entirety of that sequence; I was too spellbound to even consider it. I was too terrified that everything was about to spiral completely out of control and leave the entire world in ruins. But then, that final moment where he resonates with Maka, and the bond of their trust, propels them forward together with the force of a lightning-powered rocket, and all my fears are swept away in an overwhelming tidal wave of joy and hope and God! It’s the perfect capstone, the perfect clincher, the perfect, unexpected relief that snaps the tension of that entire dance of death closed with a furious thundercrack. Maka and Soul have each other. They’ll always have each other. And as long as that remains true, there’s no maze of darkness they can’t fight their way through together.

And then it’s over, with a single, stunningly animated swing of Maka’s Genie Reaper, and Soul’s exhausted sweat dripping down upon the keys, as the adrenaline finally wears off and we’re left with nothing but the ashes of the inferno that just blazed across the screen. It’s insane. It’s exhausting. It comes really damn close to topping Crona’s Shinji moment as the best scene in the entire show. It’s the very best of what Soul Eater is capable of, stunning and heartstopping and utterly electrifying. What a way to bit this arc goodbye.

Shadows of Past and Future

So, all things considered, where do those ashes leave us? Because on the surface, not too much has changed once the flames of battle finally fade. Our heroes and villains are both still pretty much on the same page. And yet, under the surface, everything’s changed. The portal to the past inside the maelstrom gave DK an up-close look at Eibon, the dark mage who was working with his father, and considering Death’s own image was hovering over the ziggurat as well, there’s no way he’s going to leave this mystery unsolved for long. The masted of DWMA has a lot he needs to account for. Soul’s officially embraced his black blood, meaning he’s probably staring down the barrel of even crueler emotional torment to come. Speaking of which, Stein may officially be going off the deep end; Medusa’s trap is finally breaking him down. And Medusa herself just proved why she’s by far a better villain than her sister, stealing the magical Brew right out from under her nose. She really did plan for everything, and her sinister cackle is all the proof I need that she’s only just getting started making life hell for our heroes.

So while not much may have changed yet, the status quo has been completely snapped off from its foundations, and it’s only a matter of time before the whole damn thing comes crashing down. Soul Eater’s still going strong, and something tells me it’s only going to get stronger. Bring on the pain, show. I’m ready for you.

Odds and Ends

-”But it’s so cold I don’t care anymore.” Mood.

-”Sorry! I was driving around at full volume and the shock made this happen!” akjsdhakjsd

-Was it really necessary to twirl your staff that much Ox you extra motherfucker

-God, that image effect is disturbing. It really looks like they’re about to TV fuzz out of existence.

-Swole Mosquito is... disturbing.

-”Evans?” Excuse you, his last name is Eater.

-”Shut up and help me stand.” DORKS

-Hey, not every day you get to stand in the middle of a nuke.

-”I’m calling your parents the moment we get back to school!” GOD I LOVE HER

-”Yes, just put Lord Death on.” Spirit can’t ever catch a break, can he?

Goddamn, this show is great. See you next time!

[mooneec]

Fatherless Daughters: How Growing up Without a Dad Affects Women

Growing Up Without a Dad Shapes Who You Are

It took six decades, but I can finally utter a huge truth that caused me tremendous shame and sadness: My father didn't love me. I never spoke that deep, dark secret, but it was always festering inside of me. It manifested itself in many ways throughout my life as I struggled with a food obsession, low self-esteem, social anxiety, and depression.

Whether a dad was present but rejecting like mine or walked away from his fatherly duties entirely, his absence leaves an indelible mark on a daughter's psyche as she grows into adulthood. What does the research say about woman who grew up with fathers who didn't love them—daughters who were never daddy's little girl?

Below, you'll find six ways a daughter may be affected by an uninvolved dad.

Fathers provide their daughters with a masculine example. They teach their children about respect and boundaries and help put daughters at ease with other men throughout their lives. [...] So if she didn't grow up with a proper example, she will have less insight and she'll be more likely to go for a man that will replicate the abandonment of her father.

— Caitlin Marvaso, AMFT, a grief counselor and therapist in Oakland, CA

1. Fatherless Daughters Have Self-Esteem Issues

According to Deborah Moskovitch, an author and divorce consultant, kids often blame themselves when dad leaves the home and becomes less involved in their lives. When they aren't given an explanation about why dad left, they make up their own scenario and jump to the conclusion that it's their fault and that they're unlovable.

This is especially true for daughters. Countless studies have shown that fatherlessness has an extremely negative impact on daughters' self esteem. Her confidence in her own abilities and value as a human being can be greatly diminished if her father isn't there. Academically, personally, professionally, physically, socially, and romantically, a woman's self esteem is diminished in every setting if she did not form a healthy relationship with her father.

As a child, I watched television shows like The Brady Bunch and Happy Days in which the fathers showered their daughters with tremendous amounts of attention and affection. Because I never got that from my dad, I convinced myself it was because I wasn't cute enough. I thought if I had blond hair and talked with a lisp like Cindy Brady I would then have my dad's devotion. I hated the way I looked because I thought it caused my father's disinterest in me. As I got older, my self-esteem plummeted and I was sure no man would ever find me attractive.

2. Daughters With Absent Fathers Struggle to Build and Maintain Relationships

According to Pamela Thomas, author of Fatherless Daughters (a book that examines how women cope with the loss of a father via death or divorce), women who grew up with absent dads find it difficult to form lasting relationships. Because they were scarred by their dad's rejection of them, they don't want to risk getting hurt again. Consciously or unconsciously, they avoid getting close to people. They may form superficial relationships in which they reveal little of themselves and put very little effort into getting to know others. They may become promiscuous as a way of getting male attention without becoming too emotionally involved.

Ever since childhood, I've built walls around myself. I didn't open up to people. I didn't ask questions about their families, jobs, or hobbies. I kept my life private, and I remained socially isolated. These were all self-protective measures so I wouldn't experience rejection like I did with my dad. Knowing this intellectually did nothing to help me change my behavior because my fear of rejection was more powerful than my desire to make connections.

3. Women With Absent Fathers Are More Likely to Have Eating Disorders

In their book The Parent's Guide to Eating Disorders, the authors Marcia Herrin and Nancy Matsumoto write eloquently about the fact that girls with physically or emotionally absent fathers are at greater risk of developing eating disorders. Anorexia nervosa, bulimia, binge-eating, body dysmorphia, unhealthy preoccupations with food or body weight, and other eating disorders are all more likely if a girl does not have a father figure as she's growing up. Daughters without dads are also twice as likely to be obese. Because her longing to have a close relationship with her dad is denied, she may develop what Margo Maine (author of Father Hunger: Fathers, Daughters, & Food) calls “father hunger,” a deep emptiness and a profound insecurity. Daughters are left wondering: What's so wrong with me that my own father doesn't love me? If I looked different—if I was thin—would I earn daddy's love?

I've struggled with "father hunger" throughout my life—stuffing my face to fill the void, dieting to get model-thin, and always obsessing about food. My days have been filled with thoughts of eating—either doing it or struggling mightily not to. When I accepted that my dad didn't love me and that he was an unhappy man with deep-rooted problems, I finally started eating normally and began maintaining a healthy weight. I began treating myself in a loving way by exercising, gardening, reading, walking in the woods, and spending time with family. For the first time in my life, I only thought about food when I was truly hungry. This freed me to enjoy my life in so many wonderful ways.

4. Daughters of Absent Fathers Are More Prone to Depression

Not surprisingly, girls who grew up with dads who were emotionally or physically absent are more likely to struggle with depression as adults. Because they fear abandonment and rejection, these women often isolate themselves emotionally. They avoid healthy romantic relationships because they don't feel deserving and fear getting hurt, but they might jump into unhealthy relationships that ultimately lead to heartbreak. In either scenario, the women are in emotional peril and frequently become depressed. If they don't deal with the cause of their sadness—an absent dad—they may never be able to develop healthy relationships with men.

To top it all off, data suggests that children without fathers are more than twice as likely to commit suicide.

According to Denna Babul and Karin Louise, authors of The Fatherless Daughter Project, it's helpful to simply realize that we're not alone. In fact, one in three women see themselves as fatherless and struggle with feelings of abandonment. Knowing this fact helps us see that there's a whole sisterhood out there who share a common pain and a need to connect. When we open up and share our journey, we help both ourselves and each other. Whether we feel the loss of a dad through death, divorce, drug addiction, estrangement, or emotional neglect, we must grieve in order to move forward. Read Five Steps to Heal Her Pain: How a Fatherless Daughter Can Move On From Her Dad's Rejection for ideas on how to avoid falling into depression. A gifted therapist can be key to helping us do just that and becoming happier people.

5. Dadless Daughters Are More Likely to Become Sexually Active Earlier

Studies have shown the many benefits that come from a strong father-daughter bond. Most notably, girls who are close to their dads are less likely to get pregnant as teens. They delay engaging in sexual relationships, wait longer to get married and have children, and when they do find a husband, their marriages are more emotionally satisfying, stable, and long-lasting.

Countless studies also show that women who have unstable or absent paternal relationships are more likely to start having sex earlier and engage risky sexual behaviors. Daughters are four times more likely to get pregnant as a teen if dad isn't in the picture. Studies show that more than 70% of unplanned teenage pregnancies occur in homes where there is no father.

My older sister (who, like me, did not have a relationship with our father) met her future husband when she was just 18 and married him when she turned 22, straight out of college. He was the only guy she ever dated. Without a doubt, she was looking for the love and validation she never got from our dad. She was looking for an alternative to a man who never said "I love you" or "you're pretty" and never gave the unconditional acceptance one craves from a parent. Although she is still married, her union has been a difficult one, and she discourages her own daughters from marrying young.

6. Abandoned Daughters Are Susceptible to Addiction

As with depression, eating disorders, and low self esteem, the absence of a father can trap a daughter in a negative repetitive pattern she can't easily break out of and turn to drugs to self-medicate and help numb the pain. She is more likely to find herself trapped in a cycle of substance abuse, for example. According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, fatherless children are at a dramatically greater risk of drug and alcohol abuse. Not only are kids in father-absent households about four times more likely to be poor (which can trigger many negative cycles), fatherless adolescents were found to be 69% more likely to use drugs and 76% more likely to commit crimes.

Can a Daughter Survive Without a Father?

Try as I might, I was never been able to get any traction, always making a mess of this or that and never able to form long-lasting friendships. I rejected happiness because I never felt worthy of it. I did so much to sabotage my life and make myself miserable.

Then last year my older sister revealed to me that she, too, had felt unloved by him. I immediately felt enormous relief and then great euphoria. I realized it had never been about me—that I was bad, ugly, stupid and undeserving. It had always been about him—his unhappy childhood, his cold mother, his negative nature, and his dissatisfaction with being a husband and father. It had never been about me...never.

I could finally shout: “You were a piece of crap and now I'm done with you! I'm not your prisoner any more!"

According to Caitlin Marvaso, AMFT, a grief counselor and therapist, to recover from a father's abandonment, a woman "must learn how to father herself, hold herself, and receive the type of love a father provides. It is a lifelong process, but with the proper support, tools, and patience, it is totally possible. That being said, the grief and pain never goes away, it just changes."

A daughter whose father abandoned her can grow, thrive, learn, excel, succeed, love and be loved, and live a wonderful life when she realizes that the problem isn't her, it's him. This is the first step toward healing.

[acsversace-news]

Before we are treated to the 70th Primetime Emmy Awards on Sept. 17, Backstage is breaking down each nominee in major acting categories: how they earned their nomination, what you should remember about their performances, and why we at Backstage can’t stop thinking about them. Whether you’re in the Television Academy and need a refresher or are just overwhelmed by the sheer amount of peak TV binge-watching options, read on for a 2018 Emmy acting voting guide!

OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTOR IN A LIMITED SERIES OR MOVIE

Darren Criss, “The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story” Together with creator Ryan Murphy, Criss has created one of the most complex, compelling gay characters ever on TV in the second outing of “American Crime Story.” The season zeroed in not on Versace, but on his killer, Andrew Cunanan: a sociopathic monster, yes, but one born of an internalized homophobia that we, as an audience watching his intricate devolution, are tempted to blame on society. 

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A LIMITED SERIES OR MOVIE

Ricky Martin, “The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story” One of several musicians who have recently showed off their on-camera chops, Martin proves as surprising as he is moving in this FX miniseries. Giving life to model and designer Antonio D’Amico, longtime lover of Gianni Versace, Martin nails the emotional highs and lows of first the man’s loving but closeted relationship, then his explosive grief.

Edgar Ramírez, “The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story” In the titular role, Ramírez must pay homage to a murdered man by both portraying his most intimate moments and representing the designer’s massive impact on fashion and 1990s culture. It helps that the actor is quietly charismatic, painting a more restrained and intellectually vibrant portrait than we may have expected of such a flamboyant artist.

Finn Wittrock, “The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story” Wittrock has benefited from small-screen collaborations with Murphy, and opposite Criss he may have achieved his best, most riveting work. One of the hapless victims of Cunanan’s killing spree, Wittrock’s Jeff Trail is a tragic figure; it helps that the heartfelt actor gives us reasons to feel for him.

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A LIMITED SERIES OR MOVIE

Penélope Cruz, “The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story” Entrances don’t get more fabulous than the one Cruz’s Donatella Versace receives in this show’s first episode; clad in black, emerging from a private jet, projecting an icy grimness that feels distinctly Italian, the legendary designer strolls into the aftermath of her brother’s assassination and Cruz proceeds to steal the show. The actor proved again why she’s a legend on camera—is it too much to hope she comes back to TV?

Judith Light, “The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story” If anyone can lend a close-up and simple line a seismic weight, it’s Light. “I knew it,” she whispers as cosmetics spokeswoman and entrepreneur Marilyn Miglin, reacting to the horrific reality of her husband’s murder. Her mascara trembles with tears, her throat constricts, a world of grief settles on her shoulders. Few actors alive can use their face and voice as skillfully as this legend.