#his outfit is awful and therefore had to be drawn

[abbeyofcyn]

THIS WAS SO MUCH WORK

And so much fun!

I definitely want to rotoscope other parts of the Jujutsu Kaisen ending

[woniepop]

girly girls

Pairing: Kang Taehyun x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2.3K

Warnings: bullying, cursing

Genre: slice of life; fluff; angst

Summary: Three times a popular girl and a nerd were enemies, and one time where they weren’t

a/n: this fic was inspired by my all time favorite movie, Legally Blonde. I enjoyed writing this fic and I really hope you enjoy reading it :)

Y/N L/N has never been someone who liked to be cast in the shadows. Always being the center of attention, y/n has become one of the, if not the most, popular girls in her town. Homegirl is always dressed like an icon even when doing mundane tasks. Girls like her have never really been into anything “nerdy.” She associates herself with more of the bimbo kind, if you will. It was never really a secret, but she studies incredibly hard to get the chance to go to her dream school and become a great computer scientist. Being in such a large friend group of female fashion icons, there was never really anyone who wanted to talk about topics with math or computer science. 

Kang Taehyun, however, is this awkward and incredibly smart boy. Never really associated with popularity, he’s only had about four friends in his life and absolutely no dating experience. He’d always been one to shy away from attention. At most times, he found himself quietly observing others. All this, and he’s still what you would consider the teacher’s pet. He gets all his assignments done, A’s on every test, and raises his hand for every question. As a computer science enthusiast, he has worked his butt off his entire life, filling his schedule with robotics clubs, different languages of code, and coding camps. Senior year was his year. He had finally got into his dream school, TXT Tech, and had already created a very very detailed plan for the future.

Currently, Y/n’s mother was constantly trying to persuade her about fashion school. Having an incredibly fashionable mom wasn’t always the best for situations like these. TXT Tech results were coming out, and even though Y/n was confident she was getting in, there’s still the chance she might have not. Nervously waiting in front of her laptop, she sits impatiently refreshing the page for her results. Within one sentence she hops up from her chair in awe. Obviously attending the school was going to be a big turning point for her, and she was so excited to have been admitted to TXT Tech. 

As Y/n got settled on campus, she finds no one else that looks like her. Obviously, because she stands out, all attention is drawn to her. She’s confident, stylish, and hot. In a sea of gray and tan business outfits, Y/n wears a nice pink pantsuit. She’s relishing in all the attention, not seeming to mind that it’s not good, because she knew she looked good. 

Her first encounter with Taehyun couldn’t have gone worse. Walking to her class, pink drink in hand, she struts confidently to the lecture hall for her computer engineering class. Not paying attention to where she was going, she bumps into a tall figure. This clearly wasn’t the best way you could go about your first day, but all Y/n could do was apologize. 

“I’m so sorry, sir. I didn’t see where I was going and-” she rambled. Pausing in the middle of looking up, a very handsome and slightly awkward boy stands there, obviously pissed off and very annoyed. He scoffs and continues on his way to his next class.

Her second encounter with Taehyun was not great either. Clicking her high heels against the floor, she walks to her first class of the day. She had to get there early, she always had to sit in the front of the class. Taehyun on the other hand, nose buried deep in his book, walks directly to the middle. Despite loving programming, he could only handle so much attention. The class had started off well for Y/n, reviewing the class syllabus of “Principles of Programming Languages.” Taehyun, however, was pissed. He had not been called on once and was so frustrated. 

“Y/n, can you tell me the five most commonly used languages of code?” the professor asks smugly. Y/n knew what he was doing. She was being set up. She knew he thought she didn’t know and that lit a fire in her. 

“Python, Java, Javascript, C#, and C” she answers confidently. Hearing this, the professor nods his head. He wasn’t expecting that. 

Taehyun saw this as a perfect opportunity. His hand shoots up and he comments, “Sir, that’s actually incorrect. C++ is actually more popular because although C  has served as the foundation for writing languages like Python and Ruby, C++ is a newer language of code and therefore is compatible with more technology.” Taehyun confidently looks down to wear Y/n sits and smirks. Of course she wouldn’t know that. She’s only the popular rich girl that got in with Daddy’s money. She didn’t actually know anything, right?

It had been a few months since school had started, and finals were just about to come around. For this class’ final, they had to submit a partner project and code a simple game. At this point, it had been very blatantly established that Y/n and Taehyun were enemies. They despised each other. Always competing with each other in class, snickering when the other person got annoyed. It was a silent war between the two of them and everyone could feel the tension in the air. Obviously, it was no surprise they always came up at the top of the class, interchanging the first spot every test. What was surprising, however, was seeing their names together on the partner project roster. 

Taehyun was furious. College was supposed to be his bitch, but now he’s acting like Y/n’s bitch. He was so pissed off. Computer science was supposed to be where he had the upper hand. The one place he could feel himself. Where he was finally better than the stupid popular kids. And yet, he’s here, competing with one of them. It wasn’t fair. She was a girly girl, she wore bright colors everyday, she even had a sparkly notebook. How was she so smart? There was no way, it’s just the laws of the universe. You had to choose between looks and intelligence. That’s just what the gods above said. There’s no take backsies. 

It’s no secret that Y/n is a fashionable girl and having a female centric hobby isn’t really something applauded at this university. Knowing of Y/n’s insecurities, let’s talk about Taehyun’s. Having always worn non adventurous, boring, clothing, he’s known from the very beginning that Y/n’s beauty has helped her in life. Life is never fair, and it shows. Taehyun never ever got those advantages, and now here he is competing with someone just as smart as him. 

 As his jealousy grows in the back of his mind, he decides to use this time to take revenge. The next few days are spent typing away in the library, collaborating and researching for hours upon hours. Knowing that this project was worth 40% of their grade, they spent all their time trying to make this game perfect. 

The day of the presentation of their near perfect game rolls around and Y/n was confident. She had spent countless nights coding this with Taehyun and on her own. Starting the presentation off, Taehyun pulls up a game completely different to the one Y/n coded with him. “In this day and age, gaming has become a hobby more popular than it’s ever been. With platforms like twitch and youtube, all different types of games can catch the eyes of a wide audience. With this in mind, I’d like to present to you Jackbox Party Pack 8. Roleplay games have become the genre of choice for many gamers to play, and viewers to watch.” 

This was not the first person shooter Y/n had coded with him. What was he doing? Y/n stood there, not really knowing what to say. Opening and closing her mouth, she couldn’t form any words. She should have known this was a set up. “Ms. L/n, please continue.” The professor says. She couldn’t. She felt like she was frozen. She was so embarrassed and she should’ve seen it coming. With cheeks welling up in her eyes, she runs out of the classroom. 

With a smirk, Taehyun continued on, explaining how the game worked and how he had coded it. He had spent the past few nights coding it by himself and he was incredibly proud. Paying no mind to Y/n, he stood tall and smiled throughout his entire presentation. Obviously, like any normal person, guilt started growing quickly in the back of his mind. He finally realized he had fucked up. 

Running after Y/n, Taehyun felt incredibly guilty. He had taken the competition too far, and now he’d made someone innocent fail a required class. After running for what felt like hours, he found Y/n crying under a tree. He knelt down and offered her some tissues. Aggravated, she smacks the tissues away and tells him to leave.

Y/n, on the other hand, felt so angry. How could he do this to her? She hadn’t done anything wrong, and if he didn’t like the way she dressed or the way she conducted herself that was fine. All she needed was her to believe in herself and that got her into TXT Tech. While thinking about all the ways she could end Taehyun, she feels arms wrap around her. They’re 🤮Taehyun’s. Before she can rip his arms off, he speaks up. 

“Look Y/n, I’m really sorry about that whole thing I pulled back there. I’ll talk to the professor and give him the real project. I really took it too far and I’ll do anything to make it up to you.” He begs. 

“Um,, no? I don’t care? That was literally so embarrassing. If you really wanted to make it up to me you’d leave me alone.” Y/n pushes him off her harshly and storms off. How dare he? It probably took his two seconds to come up with that half assed apology. This was unbelievable. 

Y/n started trudging through the grass back to her dorm. All she wanted to do was take a warm shower and cry in her bed. She hated everyone. She wanted him to suffer just as much as she did, but she couldn’t do that. 

After two whole days of sobbing in her bed, she decided she was craving her signature pink drink. She really didn’t feel like going out, but delivering one drink would cost like $15. Y/n throws on a casual pink outfit. It’s very different from what she wore at the beginning of the school year, but the one thing that never changed was the color pink. Even in her depressive mood, she still wanted to dress up. She felt most comfortable wearing stylish clothing, that was her home. 

Stepping into the store, she sees Taehyun sitting at a table alone. You know when you see old people sitting along and you feel so bad for them you start tearing up? Like what if they lost their spouse or something :(((((. So anyway, Taehyun gives her lonely old people energy and regardless of what he did to her, she decides to keep him company. 

“Hey, um, can i sit here?” Y/n asks. Taehyun was so surprised. She wanted to sit with him? But he was so mean to her? He nodded his head and sat quietly. The past two days she could tell Taehyun had done a lot of thinking. She could tell he did it because he felt threatened. That wasn’t enough to forgive him, but at least she was being nice about it. 

Taehyun gets up and leaves. He comes back with a pink drink in hand, maybe as an apology. “I really want to apologize to you again, Y/n. Yesterday I don’t know if you saw, but the professor graded the actual project instead, and I had told him everything and that I’d deserve it if he failed me instead.” Y/n wanted to be happy but she wasn’t. She didn’t want him to fail after helping her code the game with her. Maybe she was so nice to him because she had matured, or maybe because she felt something different in Taehyun. Even so, a little embarrassment, she thought, wasn’t enough to cause a person to fail their whole class. Holding his hand on the table, she nods, a silent way she decided to forgive him. 

“Well, at least we’re not the worst team. I think group 7 coded a Niki Minaj roblox world.” Taehyun jokes. 

She laughs. “That’s so funny, what the heck? I guess we just have some hardcore barbs in this class.” People like Taehyun and people like Y/n were never meant to be friends in the first place, but maybe now they were starting to. Y/n, who was always challenging the term “girly girl.” Who always stressed that you have to believe in yourself when the rest of the world is against you. Y/n who became successful, without changing who she was. Y/n, who was feminine and wanted to show that was never a weakness. And Taehyun, who was always unadventurous. Who was never into fashion but still managed to pull off his nerdy outfits with his cute face. The passionate Taehyun whose only hobby seemed like studying. Gossiping for hours at the cafe, they realized this. They were starting to become friends. No one ever expected them to even be able to hold a friendly conversation, but here Y/n was, challenging everyone again. 

[bangtansbun]

Endgame || End This Way

pairing: jeongguk x f. reader

genre: just sad :(

word count: 2,011

warnings: mentions of hypothetical alcohol use, just grab the tissues

a/n: and this is it. the last part (part 19) of past yn and guk. in a way, i feel really sad leaving these sweet babies behind, but there’s so much to come (some good things too!!)

It’s the morning of your graduation ceremony. You knew this day was coming and you should be feeling excited, right?? Finally getting to leave the hell that is high school and move on to bigger and better things. But you’re not excited. You’re not even the tiniest bit happy. The reason being that you won’t be celebrating this momentous day with your best friend and love of your life.

You’d both dreamt of this day. You’d planned to have an innocent sleepover with movies, popcorn, sweets, and maybe the tiniest bit of alcohol mixed in with your soft drink of choice (sprite for you, coke for him) to celebrate. You’d wake up together, not even hungover because neither of you like to go past tipsy, and have a large breakfast courtesy of your wonderful mom. You’d get ready together and then head for the ceremony. It would be long and boring but you two would entertain each other by making faces at one another through the rows of chairs. You’d both have your names called, being handed over that coveted diploma, and the rest of the day would be filled with graduation parties and laughter.

That wouldn’t be the case, though. Instead, you’d woken up alone, sent a text to Guk asking if you’d be able to see him today (even though you knew it would likely go unanswered), and ate your mom’s delicious breakfast sadly. You really weren’t sure if you’d get to talk to him at all today, but you still held out hope.

Your mom helped you get ready for your walk across the stage, but your sadness was palpable. You tried to keep your feelings at bay, though, because you knew this day would be much worse for Guk than it would be for you.

It was three weeks ago that you got the call. It was just past five in the morning, and you knew the saying: bad news was the only news that couldn’t wait until morning. You picked up the phone with dread, already knowing what it would be about.

“She’s gone.”

Within seconds you had leapt out of bed, threw on your hard-sole slippers and went straight to his house. Guk was inconsolable, understandably so. His whole world came to a stop that day and there was nothing you could do to help. Sure, you could be there for him, but that didn’t change the fact that is mom was now gone and his family forever changed.

The funeral was just a few days later, on the weekend and you had never felt so sad in your life. His family was basically like your own. You can’t remember your childhood without his mom in it - always feeding you guys snacks or making you picnics in his back yard. Jeongguk was brave, though. He kept it together for the most part and you had never been so in awe of him. You knew he’d break down later, in the quiet of his bedroom, but for now he needed to be strong for his dad.

To your surprise, Guk asked to stay the night with you that night. He said he couldn’t bear to be in his house after everything that day. People were still there from after the funeral and he just wanted some peace and quiet. The couldn’t stand the thought of having to hear one more “I’m so sorry about your mom” or have to stomach the food provided after the funeral (how could anyone eat after that??). You held him in the dark and he cried into your chest. Long drawn out sobs, the kind that can only come from someone in mourning. The two of you fell asleep in each other’s arms, Guk’s cheeks stained with tears as his breathing evened out. You were glad you could do something, anything for him that night.

When you woke up the next morning he was gone already. He’d left a post-it note on your desk thanking you for the night before, and that was the last you’d heard from him despite your attempts to reach out. You understood for the most part. You couldn’t imagine losing your mom at such an early age and you didn’t want to push him. He needed his time to heal and you’d give him that, save for a few texts here and there just so he knows you’re still thinking about him. Still doesn’t change how much you miss him.

You arrived at school with your family and you felt utterly lost once they left you to find their seats in the audience. You were supposed to be doing this with Guk and now you had to figure it all out on your own. It made you feel sad, but even sadder for him because he’s having to do it all alone too.

You desperately wanted to find him, even if he didn’t respond to your text this morning. You wanted to see him, hold his hand, and have him know you were there even if he tried to distance himself. You knew he didn’t mean to, Guk had always been sensitive and he tended to shutdown when wrought with emotion.  

You showered the crowd of students all in the same outfit. It was like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Your head kept whirling around in every direction, searching with no luck to find your love. Did he even come? you thought to yourself. He doesn’t technically have to walk across the stage to graduate. They could just mail his diploma to him. Maybe he just decided not to show up, the event too much for him without his mom to be here. That honestly made a lot of sense to you. You probably wouldn’t have come either if you were in his situation. Unfortunately for you, the announcement was made that you’d have to take your seats before you were able to find him.

You sadly trudged to your spot, but you felt a tiny flicker of happiness when you saw Guk sat in his seat. This was good. You’d easily be able to get to him after the ceremony now that you knew where he was. He turned around in his seat and made eye contact with you. You gave him a wave and a weak smile appeared on his face. He was definitely sad. You could tell that much for sure. All the signs were there in the way his smile was barely there, his eyes not creasing like they normally do, a glassy quality to them now.

The ceremony was long and boring, just as you expected it to be. You were beyond ready when they had gotten through all of the formalities and started actually calling out names.

You’d never yelled louder than you did when they called Jeongguk’s name. Jeon Jeongguk, they announced. He stood proud and tall as he walked across and received his diploma. A firm handshake given to the head of your school and then he took his seat once again as the other students’ names were called.

Soon enough, your own name was called and you felt a wash of overwhelm come over you. High school was over and your life was about to become so different. Again, you were supposed to be happy, but you weren’t prepared  for the future and you certainly weren’t prepared for one without Guk.

The head of your school gave a final speech, you all stood up and cheered, this was it. You quickly made your way to where Guk was seated, hoping he hadn’t already bolted. Amazement written all over your face when you finally spot him.

He saw you, and although you expected him to ignore you and run, he didn’t. He waited patiently for you to make your way through the crowd.

“Hey,” you say to him, feeling unsure of what to say in this moment. You really didn’t care what was said, you just wanted to be with him. “Hi,” he supplies back to you. You both stand there awkwardly for a moment, and then he surprises you by bringing you in for a tight hug. You’re quick to wrap your arms around him. Taking in his clean, fresh linen scent one more time. Wanting to commit it to memory just in case. It takes you a moment to realize he’s started crying, but you just continue to hold him. Soothing circles being rubbed into his back.

“I’m so sorry,” he says to you, his voice sounding wet. You know what he means even without context. He’s apologizing for not answering you back and practically not seeing you at all. “No, don’t be sorry. You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for,” you try to comfort him. Then, “I miss her so much.” That absolutely breaks your heart. Lost for words, you give him a comforting squeeze.

He doesn’t let go for a while, but when he does his face devastates you. You wish you could change everything, take all of the pain away, make everything better. Anything to not have to see him like this. But you know you can’t do that.

“You’re leaving soon aren’t you?” he asks you. You both had to get comfortable with the idea that you wouldn’t be going to college together anymore, therefore seeing less and less of each other. You would be leaving in a week to get settled in your apartment near campus and start your summer job there. You nod your head, not wanting to say a word because that would make it too real. “I don’t want you to leave.” God, you would drop everything for him if you could. You would risk it all for him if it wasn’t for the fact that your parents already took out student loans for you to go to the school of your choice. You feel tears starting to well in your eyes. Your emotions starting to get the better of you. “I’ll visit you as much as you want. Just tell me,” you try to reassure him with a shaky voice. A small smile creeps on to his face at that.

“Will you be able to make it to my graduation party?” You knew he had decided not to have one, but your parents insisted that you did and you hoped he’d come. “I’m not sure, I was thinking of just having a quiet dinner out with my dad. This is hard for him too.” You smile at him in understanding. However, the realization that this might be one of the last times you see him hits you like a truck. “Well, if you need anything tonight, let me know.” He nods at you and brings you in for another hug. You finally let the tears fall and he pulls you tights against him when he realizes you’re crying. Let’s you nuzzle into his chest. He gives a kiss to the top of your head, “I love you.” You sniffle before pulling away from him, “I love you too.” He knows the weight behind this moment just as much as you do, but he knows you have to part ways now, your families waiting for both of you. He gives you another kiss, but to your cheek this time and he walks away. Just like the night he told you about his mom, not looking back because he doesn’t think he’d be able to walk away from you if he saw your face again.

Neither of you wanted it to end this way.

The rest of your day should have been filled with party after graduation party, excitement, and laughter. Instead, it’s filled with fake smiles, moments of crying in the bathroom between saying “hi” to guests, and dread enveloping you as the day comes to an end and you have to start packing up your things. The week would come and go quickly and soon enough you’d be hours away from your hometown and the love of your life. This was it.

taglist: @ggukkieland​ @hecticwonderer​ @kookiepout​ @koochiekoo​ @secretlycrazyhummingbird​ @imluckybitches​ @madaboutjeon​ @mybiasforsure​ @thequeen-kat​ @betysotelo18​ @scentedsope​ @apollukee​ @nightapple4jk​ @xtrataerrestrial​ @peachthi​ @pimpnameyannie​

[nicknellie]

So @ace-bookworm and I were talking last night and like so many good conversations it started with some good old-fashioned Carrie appreciation and it ended with us taking a deep dive into what motivations she may have had for leaving Julie and Flynn. None of it is justification for her actions or saying what she did was okay, but it’s always fun to get into what might have been going through her head.

If Carrie’s mum walked out on her when she was young - especially if she never really found out why - it makes a lot of sense that Rose might have become a mother figure to Carrie. Rose would have been there for her, taken her under her wing a bit, shown love to Carrie like she did with her own family. Carrie probably felt that maternal love from Rose that she couldn’t get from her own mother, and she would have loved Rose in return. So when Rose died, it would have hit her hard and she would have struggled (not necessarily in the same way as Julie, but it would have been hard for her). But she would have been aware that Rose wasn’t really her mother, in which case perhaps she thought she was being selfish by feeling upset about Rose’s death. She wouldn’t have wanted to take away from the Molinas’ grief or make it seem like it was all about her. To her, she isn’t a biological part of their family and therefore doesn’t think she deserves or needs the same support as them, even though the Molinas were and always would be accepting and accommodating. So in Carrie’s head, what was the only logical solution? Distance herself from Julie so that she wouldn’t be taking away from her pain.

She would have thought she was doing the right thing - she was letting Julie get on with her grief and not getting too involved in it, and she was working through her own grief by herself (which she probably did want to do, being the independent character that she is). What she wouldn’t have realised was that all both she and Julie needed at that point was a friend - namely each other (and Flynn). So perhaps she began being unkind to Julie and Flynn because she was trying to avoid them, thinking that was the right thing, and that cruelty became a habit that she never got out of.

We decided we can safely rule out the possibility that Carrie’s mum is dead too. After all, if that was the case we think that Rose’s death would have just drawn Julie and Carrie closer - it’s that shared pain, that shattering experience that only they would have truly understood. They would have each other if both of them had lost their mothers. But with this theory, Carrie has lost her mother, just in a different way. So consider this: in a way she couldn’t understand, Carrie was (for want of better words) angry and jealous about how this whole thing had played out. Julie was left alone knowing that her mum loved her and that she always cared; Carrie was left alone not knowing why her mother had left and feeling unloved and abandoned. She was, in a way, jealous because Julie’s mum loved her. And she knew it was an awful, dreadful thing to be jealous of because Julie had lost her mother and that was something that shouldn’t be wished upon anyone, something Carrie shouldn’t have been hoping for in any way at all. She would have felt like an awful person for feeling angry or jealous, which maybe was another reason she felt the need to separate herself from Julie - to try and make sure she didn’t start feeling jealous of this terrible thing.

And let’s not forget that as Carrie distances herself from Julie, she’s also distancing herself from Ray who was probably like a cool uncle to her (in the same way that Trevor was a cool rockstar uncle to Julie). She made the choice to leave behind that aspect of her life and family because she thought it was helping Julie and didn’t realise that it was just hurting everyone more.

Carrie also probably feels every emotion very strongly. She’s a headstrong, independent, hard-working girl, clearly passionate about everything she does, so with this barrage of emotions (sadness, grief, jealousy, anger, guilt, confusion, loneliness, etc) there’s no way she could have been thinking straight. There must have been so much going on in her head, of course she was going to act rashly. Taking it out on Julie and Flynn and being mean to them to keep them away was definitely not alright, and there’s no excuse, but it does make sense that maybe that came to mind when she was trying to work through her own grief and figure out Julie’s as well.

And on a separate note, if anyone wants to draw Carrie in Bobby’s red suspenders and/or a similar outfit to his Now or Never one then I think I can speak for both Izzy and myself when I say that’d be really cool and we’d love you forever.

[agoodpersonrose]

I was drawn to three of the meet-cute prompts. Maybe one of them will inspire you! #1 (sitting next to each other at a wedding), #43 (last umbrella), or #50 (amusement park ride).

Okay so of all these the umbrella one was just calling out to me so I wrote that one!! (this one is actually a meet-cute I promise) and I have already posted it on ao3 here! I really hope you enjoy!! ☔️

43. You both reach for the last umbrella in the store on a rainy day.

Today could physically not get any worse.

Not only has David had to lower himself to the mortifying standards of an interview at the Blouse Barn, but then Stevie, his only friend with a car (or only friend at all, depending on who you ask) had abandoned him to his fate after “taking too long” and “taking advantage of her generous spirit.”

So David had ended up spending the entire day, trawling across the shop floor in front of Wendy, trying to prove himself worthy to work in retail by suggesting the least offensive outfits for the town’s worst dressed townspeople. All the while, trying desperately not to show on his face how truly disgusted he is by more than half of their style choices.

And now, here he is, waiting on the curb side, storm clouds rolling in, and no Stevie in sight.

“Fuck,” David hisses as the first raindrops begin to fall thick and fast, immediately chilling David to the bone as he hurries away from the road and into the nearest store he can.

Billie’s Bobs and Bits is hardly a store name that fills him with hope, but he spots a stack of large umbrella’s in a stand in the back corner which he immediately hurries over to. There’s a single umbrella left, a horrible, gaudy, rainbow thing which David would usually never be seen dead with.

However, he also knows that if he doesn’t wait by the curb exactly where Stevie told him she would pick him up, she will leave him in Elmdale overnight. He cannot make the walk back on his own, and he will not wasting his precious final dollars on a cheap motel room only half an hour drive away from the cheap motel room he doesn’t have to pay for.

And so, the umbrella is his final hope.

He hurries across the store, his shoes squeaking wildly on the linoleum floor as he tries not to skid, finally reaching out his hand for the umbrella.

Only, another hand immediately covers his.

“Oh--”

“Hey!” David exclaims, furrowing his eyebrows at the drowned rat of a man standing before him. He clearly hadn’t managed to escape the rain quite as fast as David had; his fringe is slick on his head, and his light blue button up is soaked through, sticking tight to his torso and becoming almost see through in the process.

“Ah, I’m sorry,” the man says politely, though not letting his hand fall from where it is resting over David’s. “You don’t mind if I take this, do you? It’s just that I don’t have a jacket and I’m waiting for my roommate to come and pick me up- my car broke down, and he is not known for his patience. I don’t trust that he won’t get distracted and disappear somewhere else if I’m not where he’s expecting me to be.”

“Yeah, well? I need it,” David says, pulling the umbrella, and therefore their joint hands, further towards him. “This outfit probably cost--” he takes a judgemental look at the man’s cheap clothes and pulls a face. “Well, let’s say that it cost more money than you can quite comprehend.”

Surprisingly enough, the man actually laughs at this. His laugh is nice, all things considered, and his eyes crinkle around the corners in a way that makes David’s stomach erupt in flutters. Although of course he would never admit that to anyone, not even under durance.

“I don’t doubt that. It’s just- I’m kind of soaked, and if I get any more soaked, I’m scared I might catch hypothermia. Plus, I’m really terrified of hospitals, so--” the man winces exaggeratedly. “I��m in kind of a sticky situation here.”

“Huh, well. It looks like the only way to solve this is--”

“Dibs”

David opens his mouth in surprise, and then closes it, and then opens it again, but the man just continues to stare evenly at him, as if he hasn’t just lowered himself to the most childish of standards.

“Dibs doesn’t count.”

“Oh, I think it does.”

“Mm, you see, that’s where you’re wrong. Plus, I clearly had dibs, because my hand is on the umbrella, whereas your hand is just kind of holding- mine.”

David grins to himself when he catches the man’s ears slowly tinting a dark red colour, but his grip doesn’t waver, and he looks up with a determined glint in his eye.

“Does that mean I have dibs on you then?”

This shocks David to silence for a moment, but he soon recovers, and tilts his head. “Okay,” he says slowly. “As interesting as this conversation just got, I really do need to be by the road when my friend gets here, so can we hurry this to its inevitable conclusion maybe?”

“Inevitable conclusion?”

“Yeah, mhm, you let me buy the umbrella in return for my number?” David suggests cheekily, biting the inside of his lip to try and stop his smile from growing too big.

The man makes a soft gasping noise which David initially takes as a success, until he realises that he’s being teased again. “It’s going to be hard for me to date you from a hospital bed,” he says slowly.

“Ooh, did I say date? I meant you could have my number for you know, fashion advice, perhaps. Or as a first call for the next time you genuinely go to a store and pick up a braided belt.”

“I’m not particularly attached to the belt. I’m sure I could go without if you would prefer.”

“Ah- now who’s getting ahead of themselves. I don’t even know your name.”

The man is grinning now hopelessly now and looks down at the floor bashfully before tilting his head back up. “I’m Patrick.”

“David.”

“It’s nice to meet you, David. I’d shake your hand, but I fear that if I do that, I might lose my only stake on the umbrella.”

“Mm, your non-existent claim over it, of course.”

Patrick is silent for a minute, looking contemplatively at their hands, before finally coming up with a solution. “Here’s an idea, David. This umbrella seems pretty big. Perhaps we could split it and wait by the road together.”

David purses his lips in thought. It seems like the only solution other than a fist fight, and even if David knew how to punch, he doesn’t trust that he wouldn’t lessen his aim in order to protect the soft skin on the other man’s face.

“Come on, David. I’ll make sure the rain doesn’t get you.”

David wiggles a little but ultimately nods. “Ugh, fine! Buy the umbrella and let’s go.”

“I’m sorry, why exactly am I buying the umbrella?”

“Oh, because you were the one who asked me on a date,” David answers, unable to stop himself from smirking slightly in amusement. “And usually, the person who asked pays for the first date.”

“First--” Patrick’s voice is soft and filled with awe. “Okay, David. Thought I have to say, if I’d known I’d be going on a date this afternoon I would have picked a nicer shirt.”

“Do you have anything nicer than that?”

“You like my shirt?”

“No, I just, the fact that you’re wearing it says something about your standards in general and I--” Patrick is laughing again, and David trails off, unsure where to go from there. “Go and buy the umbrella, Patrick.”

He lets his hand fall from their joint grip, and watches as Patrick wanders over towards the cash desk, his shoes squeaking loudly as he goes. He keeps looking back as he pulls his wallet out the depths of his tight jeans, as if to check David hasn’t disappeared on him. Either that or to check that he hadn’t imagined David’s presence all along.

When the umbrella is bought, they head towards the doors and look out at the hammering rain. Patrick sticks the umbrella outside first and puts it up, making sure that David can step under it without being hit by any of the rain. It’s a gentlemanly gesture that makes David smile giddily, following Patrick out under the waterproof material, although not without noticing at the last minute the second rack of umbrella’s on sale right by the doors.

Oh well.

There is just enough room for the both of them under the umbrella, but it is a tight squeeze. David hunches his shoulders to try and stay close, and shivers, a move that Patrick clearly catches as he reaches an arm out and around David’s waist to keep them locked together as they return to the street corner.

The roads are almost empty of cars, and there’s an eery silence filling the small town under the hammering of the rain. When they come to a stop on the corner, Patrick seems to step just slightly closer, shivering as his wet clothes are accosted by the breeze brushing along the street and blowing the rain closer to their ankles despite the coverage from above.

David finds himself leaning closer into the body heat that Patrick provides, in a move he hopes appears to be a selfless act of protection for the other man, but actually provides him with equally as much comfort himself. Patrick’s arm is still around his waist, so David moves to put his own right arm loosely past his shoulders, rubbing at the wet fabric on his back as if to soothe him.

“Maybe we should have stayed inside for a while,” David muses. “I thought you were joking about the whole hypothermia thing.”

Patrick lets out a breath and nods. “Don’t worry, I think I’ll survive,” he says, though his teeth are chattering slightly. “Couldn’t let out first date end with a trip to the hospital now, could I?”

“You really need to stop calling this our first date, it doesn’t count.”

Patrick hums questioningly, and when David looks over at him, he notices his eyelashes are slightly wet from the rain still dripping down his forehead in slow, repetitive pats.

“I think we should probably have our first date indoors somewhere, don’t you? There’s no point in risking your life if we don’t need to.”

“So, where are you taking me then, David?”

“A restaurant, maybe. Or a café,” David replies, dropping his voice slightly. “And then, we’ll just have to see about after, depending on how well you do,” he murmurs directly into Patrick’s ear, hoping that this time, the shiver that erupts is more due to his statement than the cold. “You’ll be paying though, of course,” he carries on, this time at normal volume, looking away at the road and trying to appear casual.

“What- I paid for this!”

“Mm, and you only bought us one,” David says. “What kind of cheap date do you think I am?”

Patrick laughs slightly, his cheeks tinted red, and he shifts to look up at David better. “I don’t know, David, but I intend to find out.”

His head is tilted up cockily, and his eyes roam David’s face unreservedly, skimming from his eyes, to his lips, and back up, with absolutely no shame. David would be put off by how confident he seems if he couldn’t feel the way Patrick is shivering, and how his fist is clenched and turning white due to his grip on the umbrella handle.  

David nods to himself, already having made his mind up, and slowly as he possibly can, raises one hand to Patrick’s cheek. Patrick immediately lets out a throaty hum and leans into the contact, which gives David all the permission he needs to lean in and catch the other man’s lips in a quick kiss.

Well, it was supposed to be a quick kiss. An ‘I’m being serious please call me so we can go on this date’ kiss, an ‘I know we’ve only met but this is me saying I like you’ kiss.

Except, then Patrick opens his mouth, and David can’t resist following his lead, slipping his tongue just slightly between Patrick’s cold lips and into the heat of his mouth. Patrick is so responsive in the ways he pushes back, trying to force his way closer to David as if an insatiable hunger has overcome his senses and left him desperate for more.

And David feels it too. He feels it in the way Patrick is kissing him forcefully but gently, desperately but tenderly. Wanting more but unwilling to force it without David initiating.

David doesn’t know how long they stand there, connected at the mouth, his hand still holding Patrick’s cheek which is steadily growing warmer even despite the freezing weather. In fact, it’s only when two things happen in quick succession that he is finally forced to pull away.

First, the sound of a car he hadn’t noticed pull up beeping relentlessly from the curb only a few steps away startles them slightly and causes Patrick to stumble a step backward. David immediately reaches out and grabs the front of his shirt, keeping him close, but it’s too late.

The surprise causes Patrick to loosen his grip on the umbrella handle, tipping it sideways, and causing the water that had collected on top of it, as well as the rain that is still hammering down around them, to splash down, and soak both of them to the bone.

David opens his mouth in shock and horror as he feels the fabric of his black, dropped fabric sweatshirt slowly become sodden and heavy as the water is absorbed. His hair too is damp against his forehead, alerting David to the fact that his usual flawless quiff will be nothing more than a damp, tangled mess of curls even once dry.

Patrick is staring at him with a face full of guilt; his brown eyes are wide and terrified, and he immediately begins the apologies.

“David I- I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to- it was totally my fault I should have been paying more attention to the--”

David’s attention is drawn away to the sound of a familiar laugh coming from the car by the curb. He turns to find Stevie sat in the driver seat, the window rolled down as she cackles unreservedly to herself, clearly very proud of what had just happened.

Patrick trails off and follows his gaze, chewing his lip nervously all the while as he slowly tilts the umbrella back to cover their heads, despite the fact that the damage is long done.

“Are you coming?” Stevie yells once she has finally calmed down. “I wasn’t kidding when I said this is your final chance, I won’t hesitate to leave again.”

David bares his teeth at her and looks back at Patrick. “Look, I--”

“Oh, wait- Are you Patrick?” Stevie calls out again.

“Um, yeah?”

“Perfect, Ray asked me if I could pick you up while I was here. He says he had a surprise meeting with a man about some boudoir photos and I really didn’t want any more information, so I just agreed.”

“Your roommate is Ray?”

“You live in Schitt’s Creek?”

Both David and Patrick stare at each other for a second before Stevie beeps on the horn again in annoyance. “Are you quite finished?”

David nods, already shivering again from the cold and pulls Patrick over to the car. He climbs into the backseat and immediately pulls his sweater off before it can soak too far into the undershirt underneath. He folds it neatly and places it on his lap as Patrick follows, shaking the umbrella and stashing it in the foot well as he slides in next to David.

Stevie raises an eyebrow in the rear-view mirror but doesn’t say anything as she puts the car into gear and pulls away. The car heating rattles as it tries desperately to heat up, but it does soon enough, and David finds himself relaxing slightly in the warm air.

Even so, he can’t stop himself from shivering just slightly when he feels a rough hand slide across the back seat and lightly cover where his own is gripping the fabric. He looks over at Patrick in the corner of his eye and finds the other man smiling even as he stares determinedly out of the window.

David flips his hand over, interlaces their fingers, and squeezes back.

[jan31]

Rambling Review Episode 29

I have been trying to write this review since Monday and I would like to think my thoughts are more organised now, but if you are looking for a logical, analytical and insightful review this wont be it, my brain is still jumbled after that episode!! 

Lets start at the cabin....seriously Serkan Bolat, hypochondriac who takes his pulse after coughing at the flower shop is going to stay in a remote cabin, with no obvious means of transport and communication?  He should be in the city near medical facilities after his serious crash and head injury. This is where you realise he has been isolated for a reason, so no one can visit or call him and put thoughts in his head.  Selin has created a perfect hideaway where he only hears her side of the story about Eda, and so the brainwashing begins.  Its unclear how long they have been there, i assume a few weeks, but this is long enough to get inside someone’s head and create a scenario, particularly when there are no other conflicting opinions and you have no memories of the person.  Selin is not happy about his decision to go back to Istanbul as she knows his friends may tell a different story to hers about Eda.

Engin is grieving for his best friend, so i loved their reunion, Serkan had a huge grin on his face and was also happy to see him. Serkan told Efe i have only got 3 friends, Engin Pryll and Sirius, and those were the ones that got the biggest welcome.

 When they all looked behind him as Eda appeared they honestly thought they were going to see a beautiful reunion and were all smiling 

This was an iconic scene, (yeah i cried), Eda walking slowly towards Serkan and the nod from Selin confirming this was Eda.  Touching his face as she does so often, making sure he is real and then as expected fainting, I am sure i heard Serkans heartbeat as he caught her.  What was more heartbreaking was that Selin, who has her phone glued to her hand most of the time, never bothered to show him a photo of Eda while they were in that cabin.  Ugh i hate this woman so badly.  I noticed that Serkan did not have a phone during this episode, so obviously lost at sea??  So how did he call Selin, this is something i still don’t understand, even if he used someone elses phone, he would not know her number by heart i am sure. 

Serkan telling her ”” Today is the first day i have seen your face”” and “”you are a stranger to me”” was harsh words to hear, and Handes acting here was superb, we really felt her pain.  There has been alot of complaints about Serkan and the way he treated Eda here, but we never really knew robot bolat, we saw him the day he met Eda, and things started changing in him soon after that.  We know Leyla called him her executioner, and we saw how he took care of Kaan when he took one of the projects from them.  he is ruthless, emotionless and logical in business.  And Eda as far as he is concerned is business, she owns 45% of her company, and he thinks he has been manipulated and blinded by her in order for her to get the shares. She made him look like a fool in front of his family and friends and he wont let her do it again.  We really have no idea at this stage what lies Selin has told

Loved the handcuff scene, Serkan driving Edas car was a sight i never expected to see!

Eda coming to his house showing him photos was heartbreaking, he refused to even look at them and just kept saying it wasn’t him, he really has put a wall up and wont listen to anything she says.  I was glad to see Engin supporting Eda to him, reminding him he also loved her and she had a right to be angry after what she has gone through in the last 2 months. I did feel sorry for Serkan here, he really has got information overload from everyone and he keeps saying he cant remember.  “Does Selin mean something to you?’, and all he can say is she is the only one in his life that hasn’t changed and therefore represents a safe place for him while he is recovering.  He has never loved Selin, he has made that very clear to her in the past, so nothing has changed.  She does a good job at work, doesn’t put demands on him and it is basically a business relationship.  There is no affection between them or chemistry, his heart belongs to Eda

I think Eda coming to his house has stirred up something and i am sure we saw flashbacks in the fragman of him sitting there among the photos looking sad. The next day at Aydan house, he keeps looking at her and looking away, He is drawn to her and is fighting the feelings.

As @lizacstuff reminded us in her brilliant review, Serkan said “If I lived a hundred times I would fall in love with you a hundred times”, he does not have to remember Eda in order to fall in love with her, and frankly makes for a beautiful story if this is what they are going to show us

I really cant wrap my head around Selin and her evil mind.  Surely she realises Serkan will get some memories back and when he does she is out of the door.  But she seems to think he will still choose her!  This is not just about Serkan its also about her getting revenge on Eda, she does not want her to be happy, and at the moment she is firmly in control of Serkan while his memories are still gone.  Its interesting that Serkan has made no mention to her of the images he is getting of a woman in a yellow dress, as I am sure this would panic Selin as she knows exactly what he is talking about.

I liked that Ferit warned her not to get too used to the situation, and she was swimming in dangerous waters, and in typical Selin bitch style she saw Ceren coming and asked him if he was jealous of her.  This woman is manipulating everyone who she thinks has wronged her and the worse she becomes the better her downfall will be and please can Eda be there for this one.

The final scene of Eda walking in to the cafe was perfect.  She knows the effect she has on Serkan and she made sure she was late so everyone would notice  Of course his circuits started smoking and he got some flashbacks, unfortunately he never see the face of the woman in them so does not know if it is Eda. When she went to him and his heart starting aching she knew then that his heart remembered their love.  The kiss completely confused him as he definitely felt something, and in his panic  he did the logical thing in his mind and proposed to Selin.  And what an awkward speech that was, he stumbled through it and said Selins name while looking at Eda.  Yes it was cruel, but in his mind, he wanted to shut everything down and make sure he was clear about not having any feelings for her.  He didn’t fool any of us!

Aydan....i am shocked that she hid the news of Serkan being alive from Eda, and also shocked that she did not bring him home, it makes no sense and just shows the depth of Selins manipulation, she is controlling everyone at he moment. 

Dennis is lovely, has been such a support to Eda, and will definitely cause some jealous scenes with Serkan

The acting this week from the lead characters was amazing, they never disappoint.  The long hours they put in day after day to bring us this brilliant show makes me in awe of them 

What i want to see in Episode 30

Small details, big difference - this is going to the the theme

We know we are getting the yellow dress, and i have the feeling that this will not be Edas idea.  Maybe she decides at the last minute to go to the party and asks Melo to bring her an outfit to the office for her.  Or if it is her idea, I hope she leaves her coat on until she is in front of Serkan, for maximum effect.  Dancing with Dennis in that dress will definitely being back jealous robot.

The colour changing mug needs to come back, I am hoping Seyfi has brought it to the house, or they go to the Art Life apartment and use it there.

Sirius going for walks with both of them

We know Serkan has some injury to his right hand, but i think they will leave that for 31 perhaps

I want to see Eda change tactics and become distant, this will intrigue Serkan more

We have seen Engin asking Serkan is he not a bit curious about Eda, and here i am hoping that he does look into her life more

Aydan......wow you are going to have to work hard to get any kind of redemption, but she is someone Serkan listens to and trusts, so lets hope she steps up her game and we know Seyfi will always be helping push Serkan and Eda together again.

The girls have been a great support to Eda, and will continue to be, but with Serkan not knowing them it is hard for them to get him to see the real eda.

Sorry this turned out far longer that expected....congratulations if you got to the end!

[ghostly-thorn]

Behind The Writing - 5 - The Hulbury Gym - Deceiving Waters

🎵 A bit of Ambiance 🎵

Greetings everyone!

It's been a while. Eons even. I know. I do apolgise, I've been quite busy.... As I've explained in the description of the latest chapter, as a (future grad) nurse, I've been tossed around unit from unit during this pandemic. Even managed to landed in an intensive care unit where I cared for COVID patients. Every day, I would see people struggle to draw a breathe, fighting to make it through an other day, when eventually I was met up with the inevitability that they wouldn't make it. It was awful, and I never want to go through this again... I've done 2 months, and it was on the second wave of Coronavirus. Don't want to imagine what the first wave must have been like...

ANYWAY. Sorry for killing the mood like this. It is good to be back. I've missed you, and I've missed the feeling of writing. I hope y'all are doing alright.

Without further do, let's dive into this 5th BTW. Did you pick on my every references? We'll see about that!

So, let’s talk about the first issue I had with this chapter…: Raihan. Since it had been so long that I had returned to the Fandom, I had completely forgotten what kind of man he was. And writing his part was hard. It felt like the was out of character, and I wasn’t pleased with how it turned out. Therefore, I dropped writing, being constantly met with my own failures… After a few months of break, I returned, and it was as if the words were pouring. I had so many ideas at once that I was struggling to write them all. In the end, I truly hope I managed to stay faithful to his persona. Dot let me know if succeeded in doing so.

As always, all the elements mentioned in the story, whether it’s a Mincinno sweeping the floor, Raboot being an angsty teen, or a pair of journalists harassing the MC, everything is drawn from the game. It is the foundation on which I’ve based my story. Avid players will notice this.

I try to tie this fic into the real world, so I often add little details of the everyday life. Such as the apps on Zera’s phone (Spotify, YouTube) or Raihan binging Netflix from his flat in Hammerlocke. Why is he watching in Alolan though? I’ll leave that to your imagination…

Keeping on the trend with a bullying Rotom. I like to think that he’s grown a witty personality like R2D2 did in Star Wars. He's defective, but not really.

Macro Cosmos owns near everything. As it’s shown in the game. When you battle your way up to Rose tower you encounter many associates of said company, and all of them have different sub companies. I don’t remember their names as it’s been so long, I’ve played the game, but yeah, one of them provides microphone for the national TV.

Do remember this charming pair of journalists. You’ll meet them again throughout the Fic...

(Please overlook the fact that she's not wearing the right outfit. As you know, the studded and leather clothes are only available towards the end of the game in Wyndon)

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Wrote a little backstory for the Pokémon Nursery and the Toxel gift as I just didn’t want to walk pass it. In the end, I think I could have saved 1k or 2 by erasing it, but I couldn’t bring myself to… I KNOW my chapters are long. I’m aware of that. But I just want it to be as realistic as possible. This Fic is after all based on my maladaptive daydreaming.

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So, as you know by now, I’m not native to English. I learned it on the side as most people do. Therefore, sometimes I make tiny mistakes or misplace nouns. I’m sorry about that, I really am trying to improve myself. As I do, I also try to make this Fic anchored into a British setting. So, I have characters use slang and other expressions to emphasize this feeling. Team Yell for example is from Spikemuth, inspired by Margate, a town on the south-eastern side of the UK. It’s near the Northern sea and has a lot of shuttered storefronts. The people living there typically have a southern accent. I listened to a few people speaking and tried to replicate their ways into the dialogues.

I kinda wanted to have Zera message Marnie in this chapter, but I decided against it, to have her focus on her dynamic with the other characters. Not to worry though, she will appear in the next chapter: Burning Passion.

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Do remember Wooloo’s wish of flying. No important reasons…

-

Looking back on my OC, I sometimes think that she had things work out too easily for her. So, with Hop’s battle I made Haunter KO-ed to teach her a lesson. A lesson that she will later interpret in a different meaning. Nonetheless, it hurt me to defeat the spooky boy, but it can’t be helped. One cannot bear with Mary Sues…

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Don’t know if I’ve explained it already. But instead of regular coffee shops on the left side of every Poke Centre, there is a Starbucks instead. And with the Gym Challenger pass, you can get a discount for your drinks. This is merely the expression of my love for Starbucks and their caramel macchiato.

-

I wanted Hulbury to be the kind of little town with cobbled streets and maze-like alleys springing throughout the town. I sure hope I nail that part. Also, the race with Hop reminded me of a scene in the 10th Pokémon movie with Darkrai, so I had to add it

-

Some Hop x Zera for you little cinnamon rolls out there <3 though you probably hated me by the end of this lengthy chapter.

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OH DEAR

Here we are

The long-awaited reunion between Zera and her adopted sister. There were so many ways I wanted to tackle on this, but I couldn’t bring myself to select one. So, in the end I decided to rather focus on the inquisitive dynamic between Rose and Zera. At this point in the game, Rose is merely interested in her by the fact she was endorsed by Leon. Leon was supposedly his plaything, and to think he had missed on this girl wounded his ego. So, he starts asking more and more inquisitive questions, some more disturbing than the others (as we see in the restaurant scene later). But before that, we can have a glimpse of Rose’s behaviour with his adopted son: Bede. In the game, he doesn’t even remember his name till he asks him. But I didn’t want that. I wanted Rose to be the very portrayal of a manipulator. Everything in the text, whether it’s description or dialogue was meant to give off the vibe of a man knowing what he does. The way he leans on Bede’s shoulder and whisper to him, the way he sternly assures that he won’t fail him, implying there will be dire consequences… I really let myself go with this chapter, and I hope you’ll like it.

I based my Rose’s mannerism on many legendary villains from the cinematic universe, such as Hans Landa (whom I referenced on several occasions), Hannibal Lecter, President Snow and Darth Sidous.

I do believe that the real reason why Rose is so frightening is because he’s unpredictable. He can flash you the most civil smile, and the next instant he’ll be redecorating your gut with a knife. He’s just that kind of guy. We don’t know what’s happening in that shrewd mind of his. AND more importantly, we don’t know if he knows about Zera’s true identity. Does he? I’ll let you answer that…

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If you haven’t checked my Voice Headcanons post you wouldn’t know, but I’ve casted actors for every character in the game. For example, Rose is voiced by Jeremy Irons’ whose voice is just liquid gold. It’s dark, it’s rusty and deep. Hop is hyperactive, so I casted Tom Holland for him. As for Oleanna, she was brought up in a fancy setting after Zera left, therefore she speaks in a haughty tone, her voice dubbed by Emily Blunt. Finally, Nessa is based on Angela Basset (bless this queen) for her way of talking is speedy and near aggressive.

Let’s talk about Nessa.

I took a gamble by writing her that way, and I hope I won’t draw too many haters in doing so… She’s a Gym Leader, yes. She’s young, she’s pretty, and she’s strong. She should have everything right? But as someone coming from a squalor livelihood, Nessa has grown to be too attached to her goods. And it has worsened when she started her modelling career. At this point you should have understood that for someone being poor for most of her life, getting a taste of that sweet capitalistic life has entirely changed her. Therefore, she thinks everything is due to her, as she’s worked hard to get there. In her dismay, she doesn’t understand that she’s merely pushing people away with her behaviour.

Zera was the last to arrive to the Stadium in the middle of the week dedicated to the water gym. The door closed on her as she got in. yet she passed first. Why is that? Cause Nessa had decided so. And we see yet again that her word is command as the receptionist doesn’t question it. We later learn that Zera was the sole Challenger she took that day.

Since you guys loved so much the witty dynamic between Caesar and Crane in last chapter, I decided to bring them back. Again, they are based off the characters from Suzanne Collins’ book “the Hunger Games”. I do not own them, and I do not profit from them. This is merely a nod to a franchise I love.

Also, a bellend is literally the “tip of a male genital”, so of course they’re swearing off cameras, but when they realize they’re live they shut instantly.

A “prat” is a foolish person. And a “cuppa” is a cup of tea.

-

Since I’m going 100% with the sporty stadium vibe, I’m gonna have a local song play at the beginning of every gym battle. Turrfield was based on Ireland, whereas Hulbury is technically a reverse Liverpool. Yep. I had a hard time believing it too, but I’ve many British friends and they all told me the same. The real Liverpool is on the western side of the UK and is known to hold some of the worst Hooligans in the country. So of course, I had to give them a spot in this chapter. As you read through, you’ll see that the supporters have face paint, bustle into each other and chant for the battle ahead. Though they’re not yet at the state of brutalizing and burning cars.

Frankie goes to Hollywood is a group from Liverpool. And the track, I think, had a nice link to modelling and being a pleasure doll to the audience. That’s why I went with it.

Caesar's face flashed on the monitors across the stadium as he declared the start of the match with a hushed whisper

- “And here... we... go!”

You wouldn’t get it if you haven’t watched Batman the Dark Knight.

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Let’s talk about this stadium’s setting. It is of the water type, so it would only make sense that it be covered in it. But how does it in a realistic way then? Well, let’s have the two Trainers stand in on an obviously red tile. And remove 3 quarters of the rest of the pitch, essentially giving an advantage to the Leader. It would make the battle spicier for the audience, and harder for the challenger.

I wanted to portray Nessa as a near bully, so I added reactions to Zera stumbling and feeling distressed.

But Zera takes after her mother and seems to think better under pressure. She comes up with plans on the spot and turns her disadvantage into a counterattack. That’s what she did with Mareanie and the Whirlpool-Venoshock duo.

As you might have noticed by now, I’ve used a lot of 1to describe things in this whole chapter, but mostly during the battle. I liked the idea of the eye of the storm, and I reverberated it on Zera when she quietly tells Nessa: “I am the girl who is going to beat you”.aged1 Pokémon facing Raboot. Drednaw is water and rock type, both types that could wreck Raboot in no time. But his resilience was greater.

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As you might have noticed by now, I’ve used a lot of water related words to describe things in this whole chapter, but mostly during the battle. I liked the idea of the eye of the storm, and I reverberated it on Zera when she quietly tells Nessa: “I am the girl who is going to beat you”.

-

Oof…

Now to the angsty part. I hope I didn’t make you cry too much with this part between Zera and Oleana, but it was really important for me to set the roots for their upcoming dynamic. Notice I mentioned at some point how she would stand in her way, referring to the battle at the top of Rose Tower. At this point in time, Oleana is just a cold and hard empty shell at the service of the chairman. She does everything he asks without questions and goes at length to defend him. She did threaten Zera not to keep the Chairman waiting, as it would inconvenience him…

Also. Oleana is 5 years older than Zera, which makes her 22. Yet she’s Rose’s assistant and appears to be some kind of scientist. This makes her a genius.

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𝕬𝖇𝖆𝖓𝖉𝖔𝖓 𝖆𝖑𝖑 𝖍𝖔𝖕𝖊 𝖞𝖊 𝖜𝖍𝖔 𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖊

All my Dante fans where you at? If you even head of the Divine Comedy, surely you should know about this infamous sentence marking the entrance to Hell.

-

Now to the most important scene of this chapter. The scene that plants the seed of doubt in Rose’s mind about Zera. The one that exposes the extent of his evilness. Everything in this scene is designed to make you feel uneasy, whether it’s the fact that he orders for you, trespassing your will. Or the way he plays with the bloodied pearl in his hands. But most importantly, it’s the way he cracks those Kingler clamps. The mere cracking reminds Zera of the way her mother’s neck broke that fateful night.

Zera is 17 at the moment, but she claims to be older so Rose won’t make the connection that she might be her daughter. He killed his wife in December, 7 years ago (Zera was 10, her birthday in September). She wandered around for a while and arrived in Wedgehurst in January, where she stayed until February-march. That’s when she encountered Leon)

Sonia be really like: LEMME IN

She’s surprised by Zera’s grand affection as she’s usually annoyed by her mere presence. Hop is a fool, but he does notice some things are off...

Sonia studied in Wyndon, so she picked on the cockney accent and slang. She gives off that Claire Redfield vibe.

-

Rose and Magnolia teamed up to solve the Dynamaxing equation. And so, they did. But when Magnolia expressed doubt, he shunned her away, to continue on the project. She claims to be friends with him, but she isn’t. Badass old hag like McGonagall

-

Rose always seems to have duty call him This does tend to happen… when you’re trying to jolt awake the cocoon of a thousand-year-old dragon

-

Oof… that Black Sea sequence. It wasn’t scripted this part about hop feeling like he’s inconveniencing her, but as the music played, the ideas flooded, and I couldn’t stop them anymore. So yeah. I went with it, and now I’ve no idea how im going to solve it (help). But hell, its was 3 am when I finished this chapter, and I was so happy. I just wanted to post it right away

-

In the last scene, Mareanie is in the water, near Zera’s legs. Raboot is on her lap, and Haunter is holding her shoulders, looking to the sky like her.

-

And that’s it.

Did you pick on everything?

(Also I apologise, I would've added much more pictures, but as it turns out, now Tumblr only allows 10 pics per post, which I find truly stupid... anyway..."

[xsecretblastsx]

1x07 - Victor, Victrola

Finally! This is one of the most iconic episodes of this show and one I’ve been dying to get to since I’ve started with these recaps, Here we go! 

This one got so long I’ve decided to post it with a keep reading brake. 

Thoughts I had while watching the episode:

I love that it opens with a vintage filter, which I don’t think I’ve noticed much the first time. I do remember thinking of this little preview “Guess Chuck’s meeting someone who’ll give him a run for his money”

Also how good is that shot of the those hills climbing up the steps, or maybe is just that I love the shoes

These is one of my all time fave Blair’s school outfits, she looks so pretty, and I love the obnoxiously big red bow.

Things I should have wondered, wasn’t this something Chuck would have show Nate before her? But this scene is a quick way to show that they’re in fact really good friends

“What happens at Victrola stays at Victrola” Not really Chuck, not really

God I hate Nate’s Dad

I don’t know why but I found a bit funny how the Captain’s office has so many little nautical details, kind of oversell

“I think I saw it next to that ambiguous vague shape” hi mom!

Dan lamenting that new Yorkers don’t have cars and therefore teens can’t make out in them, yeah Dan about that…

Nate’s attempt at bribing Jenny it’s so lame it’s almost funny

Chuck casually pointing out to Lilly that she missed a button, oh Lily!

It’s almost endearing to see Chuck put so much effort with his dad and how eager and accommodating he gets when his father says yes.

I love the scenes were Serena and Blair have typical best friends conversations.

OMG I had totally forgot that Dan was reading the Kamasutra in search of inspiration, also getting this anxious and picturing all these scenarios in his head. I feel you dude.

Does that cherry stem trick is actually possible? Ugh why am I even thinking about that.  Though didn’t the show used that bit on a poster?

That dress does looks ugly in a hanger

That was a good analogy of Vanessa’s role in this show.

Lily was so nice to Chuck from the start, as early as this episode, theirs is one of my favorite parental relationship in the show

How does Vanessa knows all about Serena’s hook up history though? Didn’t she went on Gossip Girl or Dan has a big mouth? Well I guess is the same thing.

“Game recognizes Game little J” Oh Blair you have no idea, also no, the Vanderbilt is ring is not the most amazing ring you’ll ever see.

Gotta admire the show’s attention to detail, Serena and Nate may be making out on Dan’s kitchen, but they still use the same background music they used the first time we saw that scene, but relly I had forgot how much fun I laugh with all his imagined scenarios.

For once I actually feel bad for Dan, having your own father tell you to get rid of those sheets. Akward.

Aside from Nate’s dad, and maybe Eleanor everyone else at that dinner really looks like they want to be anywhere else but there.

“I tried Blair” oh please Nate, you call her once, it went to voice mall and you couldn’t bother again, but I guess it was just easier to go to the palace to talk to Serena.

I remember the first time I watched this I was like “Yes Blarir finally! You tell him!

It should have been obvious since earlier in the episode, but when she steps out of that car it was the first moment it hit me that OMG the girl at the start of the episode was Blair! It is funny how while I already knew that now, the same thought kind of hit me again.

YOU GO BABY VAMP!

‘You still would do anything to get a girl on her back though’ it would not be S1 episode without a bit of Lily and Rufus banter

“Nobody’s ever looked at me the way you just did” what a telling line. Though did Dan and Serena did it or not?

Iconic scene is iconic.  Vintage filter and all.

Gossip Girl was never the same again

What a good episode in every way. Normally I always get bored with one of the little subplots, but not on this one. Hell I actually liked Dan and Serena this week, which hadn’t happened like since 1x01, and even then it was with a grain of salt. This episode is also hilarious, I didn’t watch this when it aired so I don’t know if they hinted at Blair and Chuck in one of their promos, but I hoped they didn’t because I like the way the episode flows a lot, we spend the whole episode seeing Dan getting anxious about losing his virginity, and then out of nowhere it’s Blair the one that ends up the night no longer a virgin.

Also I did enjoy this episode so much more this time around not only because well I’m a chair fan but because there are a lot of little details, almost like Easter eggs that point out to the last scene, like Dan pointing out the tragedy of New York’s teens without car where they can make out, or when Serena tells Blair that maybe planning and thinking too much about it may ruin the moments, and then you have Blair at the end of the episode losing her virginity on Limo without planning it at all.

In the Dan and Serena front though this episode is one that gives a bit more insight on the why’s Serena can’t never really forget a about Dan. She had being treated awfully by most guys she ever came across, and Dan’s the first that actually treats her like she’s worth it and worries about her feelings, we know it’s not as perfect as she sees it, he had been pretty judgmental of her in half of the episodes so far, but she doesn’t realize it because she’s used to man objectifying her for a long time now, she doesn’t see her own value, and that’s the tragedy of Serena’s character and why she deserved so much better.

This episode is also the one in which Nate’s family issues get to a boiling point, we finally see the amount of problems Nate’s dad has and why he’s absolute trash, and things are only about to get even worse. Really this episode almost everyone in the parental front is keeping a secret or being in denial, trying to keep the status quo in their lives, in contrast most of the teens are at the verge of really taking a step into action, Nate finally does something to put a stop to his dad lies by getting him arrested, Serena is experiencing a loving relationship for the first time, Dan gets ready to leave his virgin status behind, Chuck is taking his first steps in the business goals and Blair is finally ready to accept that his relationship with Nate must end. In the end though, of course Chuck and Blair went through something else this week.

Honestly, what can I say about Chuck and Blair in this episode that hasn’t been said before. This is the start of one the most iconic couples in T.V. I mean if they were real people this was the night that changed the course of their lives forever, it’s a monumental moment for so many reasons. There’s Blair who up until now, has never contemplated a future that doesn’t includes Nate, but as each previous episode showed holding up to that future gets harder and harder, no matter what she does, he seems farther and farther away from her reach, she tries being sexy,  ruining Serena, elaborate games  and none of it goes, by the time the family dinner comes to be, she’s exhausted, she’s all prim and proper, Vanderbilt ring in her hand and she’s never looked more miserable. And so she lets go of Nate, and goes to the one place she can escape from it ill, it’s a very obvious visual image but still I love the moment the dress came off is the moment one can tell she’s finally free from it all, basking in that relief she said she felt.

So she dances, and she does it for Chuck Bass. It may have happened because of a dare but really it’s almost logical that she let’s all her uptightness on the floor in his company because if one goes back and looks to the previous six episodes she’s at her realest with him, since the first episode he doesn’t sugar coats her thoughts with him, doesn’t pretend to be nicer, makes him a part of her plots and he knows about all her issues with Nate, their friendship is a lowkey constant in the background, and this episode starts with a reminder of that fact, he takes her to Victrola because he trust her judgment above all others, his second toughest critic, only behind his dad. Their friendship is one factor about them that I feel got lost as the season go by, but it’s one of my favorite aspects about them, because that was the very first layer of their relationship.

They probably never thought about their friendship being something especial, about the fact that they shared bits of each other in a way they didn’t do with Nate and Serena, they always had chemistry and in some deep part of their brain they probably knew it all along, but it was much better to ignore it because what was the point, but is funny how as soon as Nate is out of the picture and it’s just them without inhibitions, this happens.

It’s not hard to imagine that Chuck had always thought she was “10 times hotter than pretty much anyone” This is Chuck Bass after all, and he also admired her personality, it wouldn’t surprise me if he thought that Nate was probably the worst match for a girl like Blair, and yet the way he looks at her while she’s dancing, he’s in complete awe of her, he already had her in high regards, but he had no idea that when she lets herself be free she’s the most mesmerazing thing he has seen, and oh how he wants her, it’s written all over his face when he says how amazing she was up there, and Blair who’s used to be unwanted by Nate can’t help but be drawn to it and so she kisses him, and he knows he could go for it and she most likely won’t reject him, still he asks her if she’s sure because he knows that while sex is not a big deal for him, the first time was important to her and how she only tried to rush into it until she felt she was losing, he had first row seats to all the drama that was her relationship with Nate, and so with that little question he lets her know that there’s no pressure, and also a first clear nod to how she’s different for him, he may be all for encouraging a girl to sleep with him, but not this time, and she knows it and she takes the leap, she’s doing this for her, because she wants to, not forcing it as she always had to.

  Iconic scene is iconic.  

Random bits:

I can’t remember if it was mentioned before but Chuck’s line “he was born poor; I was born loaded” is the first mention of the fact that the Basses are new money.

Without you ends up being a really accurate song for their whole relationship.: 

I don't want this moment to ever end Where everything's nothing without you I'll wait here forever just to, to see you smile 'Cause it's true: I am nothing without youThrough it all, I made my mistakes I stumble and fall, but I mean these wordsI want you to know: with everything, I won't let this go These words are my heart and soul I'll hold on to this moment, you know 'Cause I'd bleed my heart out to show that I won't let go 

[mermaidmafia-official]

{PART III: THE BLOODMOTHER}

written by: @bebemoon

outfit ref: i can’t draw to save my life, but i tried ! so, here is ysa’s eros costume for the ball- metal armour chest strap, pearls and gold harness, four diaphanous trains/veils hemmed in white feathers to mimic eros’ wings, golden armlets and thigh band. bow and quiver of arrows for good measure. yoni-out, as promised.  

tag list: @interluxetumbra​ @ayzrules​ @vampirkaninchen​ @blubbingbeautifully

[PESTILENCE IS A REDHEAD] 

"Cyborée told me what you and Yinmei want to do."

Poppy's jaw was set. She never seemed more like a child, standing there barefoot and fuming after being informed that she was disallowed from attending Greggor's party.

The Bloodmother used her foot to kick aside the tantrum-made wreckage covering the floor of Poppy's bedroom. Splintered wood, ripped bed clothes, down feathers, shredded books, shattered and bloodied glass. Even the brand-new chandelier was hanging by a thread. The entire room was completely destroyed.

Poppy stood amid the chaos with her hands behind her back, an arist displaying her work in a gallery. She, not unlike her dwelling, was in disarray. Her hair was unbrushed, her eyes wild. Her clothes were ripped from being caught up in the swing of a firepoker- which was rested in what was left of the bed.

Ysabelle sighed, her eyes roving the walls now denuded of their golden Chinoise panels. The remnants lay curled and crumpled on the floor. "Do tell," she muttered, distracted.

Poppy tightened her teeth. "You're planning to put me to sleep. Just like Amare."

"Oh, I would never," replied Ysabelle. "If you were unconcious, who would be here to cause me endless inconveniences?"

Poppy died a child. Of course, she had existed well past her teen years, but she was frozen in the mindset of a fifteen year old. She still threw tantrums when she didn't get her way, and whatever she wanted, she took without a moment's thought. Years with the Coven, and Ysabelle felt it was for nothing. Nothing had settled her. Poppy didn't care any more for her sisters than she did Paulette Maminot.

And, with Ysabelle's agedness apparently catching up with her, she couldn't see herself tangling with Poppy any longer.

The girl shook her head. "No, you can't," she said, her voice cracking. "You can't."

Ysa said nothing. Her dark eyes were pinned to a dark red stain on the rug underfoot.

"You can't," Poppy repeated, low. "If you even try, I'll-"

"You'll what?" Ysabelle finally gave her gaze to the redhead, but she did not lift her voice. She turned her body slowly. "I am curious."

The girl looked away, her jaw clenched.

"Threaten me, Popelina?" said the Bloodmother, her voice soft yet unholy. In a blink, she was before the girl, taking her pallid face between her thumb and forefinger. Her nails dimpled the flesh of Poppy's cheeks. "My eyes have seen much and I have faced grotesqueries no one, certainly not you, could imagine."

Poppy remained still, her eyes downcast from the Bloodmother's.

Ysabelle could overlook certain things, but to be threatened by someone she had moved heaven and earth for on more than one occasion, had threatened the survival of her Coven-

It was like being spit at over and over.

"A spoiled brat with the cognitive capacity of a pond leech, I do not fear," said Ysa, and she released Poppy's face, leaving behind a pair of thin lacerations that healed over almost immediately. "Do not forget, I rescued you from under the Shiveleys. And all you have done since to repay me is routinely step out of line."

Poppy's face was pinched with distaste over being handled. She eyed Ysabelle but wisely kept silent.

Ysa turned away, her mind already made up. "You have your wish," she said. "Get dressed."

Though she was not looking at Poppy, she could feel the tension lessen. She said, "You mean, I can go to the ball?"

"Yes, you can go."

Poppy was baffled into a few beats of silence. Then: "Why-"

"Oh?" Ysabelle lilted. "Shall I explain myself to the likes of you?"

With the prospect of a little freedom looming near, all defiance had melted away. The response was quick. "No, Mother."

The Bloodmother went to the bedroom door and knocked to be let out by Zammurad who had been keeping a watchful eye on Poppy over the past few days.

Before Ysa left, she told the girl, "I will send someone to fetch you."

-

[A LITTLE PARTY] 

The night deepened, and the Coven, in all their costumed finery, gathered in the garden to travel as one.

By flight, it would've taken some time to reach Lord Greggor's island. Therefore, the method of travel was a simple step through space and shadow, through a world known only to the half-dead. And, in a blink, where once the Coven of Bilitis House had been standing together in their own frost-ridden gardens, they now stood on a broken stone terrace that was being gently lapped by the night-black Adriatic.

Even over the din of the sea, the sounds of string music and lifted voices could be heard. Beneath the salty air, an unmistakable, redolent scent.

Ysabelle, in the (un)dress of the god Eros, gathered Lia to her side and led the group up a set of ancient steps to a loggia where shadows moved here and there, appearing and disappearing in pairs. Hushed voices tickled the ears of the undead.

Beyond the loggia, the moon lit a courtyard of spindly trees and a massive, ornate fountain where dozens had gathered in mirthy spirit. The smell of blood was strong there, and already much of the Coven was moving away from Ysabelle, drawn towards the fragrant scarlet waters spilling from the mouths of stone fish and the breasts of nymphs, staining the white stone tiers dark. Vampires were swimming in the fountain, splashing in it, screaming delirious in it, unaware of all else around them.      

Even Lia, her butterfly wings shivering on her back, was being lured away, but Ysabelle held her close to her side. The blood fountain was nothing, she was certain, compared to whatever was to be found within Greggor's villa.

Once they passed through the courtyard, only Zhang, Poppy, and Pixie remained with Ysa and Lia. The five stepped through a stone archway and into another walkway with worn mosaic floors depicting bloody rituals and bacchic scenes of debauchery, most of which was so perverse as to not be suited for the eyes of...well, anyone. And the awful string music swelled in their ears as they neared a marble terrace with rows of Ionic columns, lit with warm light spilling out from within the villa.

In the light of the lavish villa entrance, a raving cacophony of raised voices and hellish strains met them first, followed by the overwhelming scent of blood. But that was to be expected.

Then the wide open spread of the banquet hall, brimming with warm-lit bodies in outlandish, ancient raiment and one or two wearing comically-costumey minotaur heads (and not much else along with it). Dancing, mostly, but there were quite a few...feasting, as mortals were present. Most of their young eyes were unfocused and wild. Drugged, Ysa guessed.

To the living present, the villa must've smelled terrible.  

At the head of the only table was the host, Lord Greggor in the animal-skinned attire of Dionysos. He could not be missed for his girth was not something at which any mortal could survive. Nonethless, he was ivy-crowned and glittering in golden baubles, surrounded by his surviving brides (who were all dressed as nymphs in airy chitons). Two of the women were carrying around amphoras of blood to serve the guests, while another pair bore golden trays of what could only be desribed as "viscera" for their husband.

Ysabelle leaned into Lia so that she could hear her over the noise. "I need to speak with Greggor," she said into Lia's ear. "Stay close to Zhang."

Lia only nodded. Her bright eyes were all over the place, attempting to take the entire scene in.

Zhang, on the other hand, appeared as through she would've much rather plucked out her own eyes than spare a moment to watch over Lia. But she would do it if she had to, at the Bloodmother's behest.

Ysa mouthed a quick "thank you" to her friend before taking hold of Poppy's wrist. "Come," she told the redhead. The music was screeching insistantly now.

"We must greet our host."

-

[SEND IN THE WOLVES] 

As Ysabelle led Poppy through the crowd of revelers, Poppy's head swiveled every which way- her senses pulling her in every direction.

"Why do I have to greet him?" Poppy asked, raising her voice as they slid through a tightly-packed group of Vampires.

Ysa pretended not to hear.

They reached the table, and Greggor spotted them immediately. He chortled, setting his belly into motion, and seemed to have an epiphany. He gave a small hand signal that apparently released his wives from his side for they all stepped away as Ysa and Poppy came forward. The brides left the hall together, tittering excitedly among themselves.

"My Lord," said Ysabelle pleasantly. "Eros greets you."

Lord Greggor regarded her costume and chuckled again. Then: "My Lady is daring as ever."

Ysabelle brought an openly beumused Poppy forward, ignoring Greggor's comment. "Lord, I heard of your recent loss," she said, pressing her hand over her chest to indicate her sympathy. "I wanted to offer mine and my Coven's condolences."

Greggor's grin slowly faded into an expression of profoud wistfulness. "Morbida, you mean," he said on a sigh. "She was...a disappointment. You must know how difficult it is to find true companionship at our age. I suppose we had little in common, but...she never gave me a proper chance. I had to do what I did."

"Anyone who would treat you so poorly deserves their fate," Ysa lied. "If there's anything I can do to help-?"

The corpulent Vampire brightened immediately. "I am searching for someone new, to take Morbida's place in my heart and mind," he said. His beady eyes did skip to Poppy but only for a moment. "If you know of anyone suitable...?"

Ysabelle feigned a little gasp. "It's fate, my Lord," she pronounced, indicating Poppy at her side. "Popelina would be perfect for you. What do you think?"

"Mother," Poppy uttered sharply, clearly panicked. She could not outright reject him. Greggor's ego would not stand for it, especially before all of his peers- there would likely be violent reprecussions if she spoke against him.

Lord Greggor beamed, ecstatic. "Eros indeed. Do you know, I was just thinking the same," he laughed. He beckoned Poppy with his swollen hand. "Come, come, my dear. Come stand next to me. Let us get to know one another."

Poppy hesitated, but helpless, she eventually did as she was told.  

Ysabelle regarded the pair with false softness. "A match if I ever saw one," said she, spreading her hands.

She did not intend to give Poppy over to Greggor, she only wished to frighten the girl into better behaviour in the future. Before the night was out, she would perhaps see that some things were worse than being put to sleep for a few years. 

Greggor motioned to one of the trays left behind by the brides, and Poppy, indignation colouring her aura, leaned over the table to take up a handful of gore to feed the Lord with her own hands. It was an upsetting scene for anyone to witness.

Ysa turned away as if to leave the table, but Greggor called her back.

He said, "You might want to stay put, my Lady. I have a surprise that I think you might enjoy. My brides are fetching them now."

Out of politeness, Ysabelle remained at the table while Poppy continued to feed Lord Greggor. Surprises, she did not care for. 

Across the hall, she could see Lia who was being twirled by a mortal, and by the looks of it, it was not anything the mortal wished to be a part of. She twirled and twirled, her butterfly wings fluttering prettily behind her. Then, without warning, she snapped at his throat. 

At the same time, a terrible stench was growing. And there was a sound that would set any Vampire on edge. 

Ysa wasn’t the only one to hear and smell it. Almost everyone was craning in the same direction now- towards the back archway the brides had disappeared through earlier. 

The music continued on. 

And a moment later, the brides were back, but not alone. In a display so strange, Ysa could not have concieved of it in her most diabolical nightmares, the Lord’s cackling brides appeared holding thick silver chains at the ends of which were thickly muzzled Wolves. Five, all together. Restless and tugging at their restraints, but impressively, being tightly controlled by the brides, some of whom were at the reigns of more than one Wolf. The biggest, for instance, seemed to be limping, but was still being held by three women. 

The Vampire and mortal crowd responded instantly by backing up, murmuring sharply and cursing among themselves.  

“What is this?” Ysabelle demanded. 

Greggor bellowed in laughter. “My friends!” he shouted jovially. The music stopped then. “A treat! You see my brides captured these fellows on a hunt- and I thought I might share their triumph with you all!” 

A smattering of applause followed that, but for the most part, the Vampires were wary. 

Sensing this, Greggor added, “Come, come, my friends. There is nothing to fear- these dogs are wrapped securely in silver! Pathetic, aren’t they?” 

Some agreement went around the room. 

“Tonight,” sang Greggor, lifting his arms with some doing, “we take the mutts’ heads!” 

At that announcement, the Vampires roared with approval. The music and dancing started up again. 

The brides went to chain the Wolves in the courtyard so that they could be observed by the guests. 

“And how fortunate,” Greggor added to Ysabelle, “to have the fabled Mother of Wolves present for such an important event.” 

Ysa watched the prisoner Wolves being paraded through the hall, being hissed and laughed at... 

No good would come of this.   

[sage-nebula]

mannnnn thank you for validating my dimitri salt because the fandom take of (usually f!)byleth """saving""" him with their (usually her) """warm hand""" etc. etc. gives me the heebie jeebies. i get that there's a lot of young people in this fandom who haven't necessarily worked out yet that no one should feel responsible for "changing" their significant other! but seeing it everywhere is annoying and i'd rather be over here in my own private salt mine, thank you very much >:(

You are very welcome. Putting the rest of my response under a cut so those who don’t wish to see this don’t have to.

First off, as a disclaimer, I just want to say: I don’t think you necessarily have to be young to be attracted to the “power of love saves all” trope, and I am also a firm believer that you can enjoy something in fiction without endorsing / liking it in real life. I myself am a fan of some dark tropes; I love drama and angst, and I have been known to put characters into downright awful situations that I would never want anyone to suffer through in real life. Fiction serves many purposes, but one of those purposes is to allow people to explore ideas that are dark or terrible in safe avenues that hurt no one. This is why there has been fiction that depicts things like gruesome murders, for example, for centuries. People who write books about murderers (usually) don’t actually murder people themselves, nor do they want anyone to be murdered. They’re just telling a story they thought might be interesting, and others who enjoy that type of story (but also probably aren’t murderers and wouldn’t want to murder anyone in real life) are reading it. So it’s entirely possible that people who are drawn to the idea of F!Byleth “saving” Dimitri from his “darkness” with the power of her love are adults, and are also people who wouldn’t go for that sort of thing in real life. That’s completely possible, and I don’t begrudge those people for it. You do you, and all that. If that’s your type of thing, great. More power to you.

But as you’ve gathered from your posts, I personally don’t like it at all.

I haven’t finished Azure Moon yet, but so far I hate … pretty much everything about the way Dimitri’s character has shaken out, and how his relationship with Byleth is being forced now. Because let’s get one thing clear: Dimitri’s feelings that Byleth “saved” him are almost as much of a 180 as his feelings regarding not wanting to kill Edelgard, with potentially even less explanation if you can swallow that he, for some reason, believed that Patricia was the first Flame Emperor because Cornelia (enemy and known liar) said so as she was dying right off the bat without any proof to back up the claim. When Dimitri first saw Byleth after five years, he at first thought they were a ghost, and then accused them of being a spy, and THEN went on to say that he didn’t really care either way so long as he could keep murdering people (and still later said that he would “use [Byleth] and [their] friends until [their] flesh fell from their bones” so, yikes). It wasn’t until Dimitri saw Dedue that there was any sign of his behavior changing even slightly. Dedue’s reunion got the romantic sounding music. Dedue brought out the softness in Dimitri. Dedue comes across as a far more natural love interest for Dimitri than Byleth ever could. Once Rodrigue kicks the bucket, Dimitri still pushes Byleth away until he breaks down into a Woe Is Me speech and Byleth offers their hand. At that point Dimitri’s gratitude and fondness for Byleth begins being pushed very hard, in a way that feels unnatural and unrealistic given how he’d behaved up until that point. If Dimitri had been more broken up and touched at Byleth’s reappearance after five years, sure, maybe. But as it stands it feels unnatural, and leads me as a player to believe that Byleth flat out just did not mean as much to Dimitri as they meant to Claude or especially Edelgard.

But all of that—the bad writing, of which there are other instances in Azure Moon, to the point where in my opinion this feels like the Conquest of Three Houses—is a minor issue. The bigger issue is the fact that the game pushes that we’re supposed to sympathize with Dimitri and see him as a tragically heroic figure when I … don’t, at all, for multiple reasons.

The first, and perhaps biggest, issue is the way his trauma and mental illness is being used by the narrative as the defining reason for why we should sympathize with him. Dimitri was traumatized when he was about fourteen by seeing his parents, friends, and others killed brutally in front of him during the Tragedy in Duscur. (Note that in this same incident Dedue witnessed GENOCIDE CARRIED OUT ON HIS PEOPLE, HIS FAMILY MURDERED RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM, but the trauma that he should have from this is basically never touched upon, and instead he acts as though people from Faerghus—you know, the kingdom that COMMITTED GENOCIDE AGAINST HIS PEOPLE—should not associate with him lest it stain their reputations. Hmm. Hmmm.) Somehow, at the tender age of fourteen, Dimitri went on a brutal killing tirade during this incident, delighting in bloodshed, which understandably disturbed and traumatized Felix (whose own brother was slain during that incident, mind, albeit not by Dimitri obviously), who then cut ties with him, not wanting to be friends with someone like that anymore. (Note: Everyone acts as though Felix was the bad one for this, rather than thinking it reasonable to not want to be friends with someone who delights in murder and bloodshed.) As a result of all of this, Dimitri regularly hallucinates the ghosts of his dead relatives and friends, and devotes his entire life to avenging them by murdering whoever was responsible for the Tragedy of Duscur, as well as whoever gets in his way of accomplishing that. (Note: “Who was responsible” is something Dimitri will accept with basically no evidence. He believes Edelgard was responsible because she called herself the Flame Emperor and wore a similar outfit to the one he saw back then. Never mind that she is his age and thus was also a fourteen-year-old child at the time; no, he believes she must have magically made herself the size of an adult and was capable of killing not only her own mother, but also his father (who carried a Hero’s Relic!) and countless others. Because that makes sense.)

So. It’s clear that Dimitri has deep-seated trauma, and it’s understandable that he would have trauma from such a grisly, horrible event. It is also true that not everyone reacts to trauma in the same way, and that there is a definite stigma against those who don’t react to their trauma in ways that people can twist to be “cute” or “endearing”. I’ve talked about the Good Survivor vs. Bad Survivor dichotomy among fans on my blog before, and I stand by everything that I said. However, there are several key points to keep in mind:

Not all behaviors can be classed as just “Good” or “Bad”, and furthermore, even if two behaviors are agreed upon to be “Bad”, that doesn’t mean they’re on the same scale. Being asocial and snapping verbally at people isn’t the behavior of a “Good” Survivor, but it’s also not nearly as bad as actually murdering people and doing it as slowly and painfully as possible. Getting on someone’s case because their trauma makes them reluctant to socialize or trust isn’t the same as calling them out for torturing people to death. This shouldn’t have to be said, but this is tumblr, so I’m going to say it.

Succinctly, a shitty past does not excuse a shitty present. Yes, Dimitri was traumatized. No, this DOES NOT justify his actions even before the timeskip, much less after it. Similarly, Dimitri lampshading that his behavior is bad and calling himself ~a monster~ doesn’t make it better, either. If anything, it makes it worse, because Dimitri knows that what he’s doing is horrible and he continues to do it anyway. Just because you’ve been traumatized (rather through a single incident or years of abuse or whatever) doesn’t give you a free pass to do whatever you want. You are accountable for your actions and behaviors, always. Trauma may explain why you behave the way you do, but it does not excuse it.

The problem with the narrative portrayal of Dimitri on Azure Moon (and arguably Verdant Wind as well, since we had an Alas Poor Dimitri moment when he was killed on Verdant Wind despite him literally calling for the deaths of everyone on the field in that path, straight up telling Claude to his face that he was going to kill him) is that the game pretty much flat out tells you that you should sympathize with Dimitri because of his trauma. Oh sure, Felix calls Dimitri “the boar prince” and routinely chews him out, but if you tell Felix that you’re not going to talk to Dimitri shortly after the timeskip, Felix tells you to “not give up so easily” and that Dimitri surrendered his humanity in pursuit of becoming a better killer, as if that’s supposed to make him sympathetic. Rodrigue tells Byleth that he wishes that he had the courage to “scold” Dimitri, but doesn’t actually do anything about it. And every single person present, including both Rodrigue and Gilbert, go along with whatever Dimitri wants, even when what he wants ignores the problem of the fact that Faerghus citizens are starving to death in the streets because of the situation in the capital. Dimitri flat out tells EVERYONE that he is all but abdicating his duties as king in the name of revenge, but rather than Rodrigue or someone else experienced coming to the logical conclusion taht he is therefore no longer fit to be king and relieving him of those duties (not necessarily violently; I doubt he would have put up an argument), they instead just go, “welp, nothing we can do about it we guess” and go along with what he wants, leaving the people to suffer, because Dimitri is of the Blaiddyd bloodline and, well, he’s a sad boy and they feel bad for him.

I shouldn’t have to say it, but I’m going to: This is disgusting. It’s disgusting that Dimitri’s trauma is used as a way to try to make the player feel bad for him despite the atrocities he commits time and again right there on screen. When Byleth first returns to the monastery after five years, it’s to find that he’s decorated the place with Empire soldier corpses. Byleth has to mercy kill Randolph before Dimitri can rip out his eyes, something Dimitri grows angry with them for. Dimitri says, immediately after that, the line that has stuck with me: “I’ll use you and your friends until your flesh falls from your bones.” He’s told that the people in Fhirdiad are starving and dying in the streets and need help and he flat out says he doesn’t care. He relishes in bloodshed and crows at every opportunity about how he wants to kill. While both Claude and Edelgard look regretful about the battle at Gronder Field, Dimitri just once again roars about how he wants his soldiers to kill every single person present. And through it all, we’re told that this is okay and we should forgive and feel sorry for him because he’s traumatized. It’s not really his fault, it’s just, ooh, that darn trauma!

As someone who has C-PTSD from years and years of abuse, I can’t begin to tell you how much narratives like this infuriate me. Those of us with trauma aren’t mindless infants who are unaware of our surroundings and incapable of controlling our behavior. When I say “a shitty past doesn’t excuse a shitty present” and “traumatized individuals are responsibel for their behavior,” I say that from the perspective of someone with trauma that affects me to this day. My abuse was such that sometimes I still have nightmares about my biological mother that leave me dazed and distracted for the whole day. I’ve really been through it. But I’m also 100% responsible for my own behavior. It’s my responsibility, and no one else’s, to make sure that I don’t hurt others. If I do something wrong, that’s on me, and my trauma will never excuse or justify it. 

So for the narrative of Three Houses to act as though Dimitri’s rampant murder, (attempted) torture, and love for bloodshed and violence is excusable and forgivable because of his trauma is infuriating to me. It’s infuriating to me how, after that insipid ~warm hand~ moment, Dimitri launches into constant Woe Is Me speeches where we’re meant to reassure him that it’s okay that he committed so many murders for no reason other than to quench his blood thirst, it’s okay that he wanted to use his former friends as meat shields to get what he wanted, it’s okay he abandoned his people to die in the streets, that he’s still a good and worthy king and ~just what Faerghus needs~. We’re supposed to see his return to Fhirdiad as a good thing, an inspiring moment. We’re supposed to side with him when he (I assume) later acts the hypocrite by telling Edelgard that People Dying Is Wrong and that she should surrender to him instead. (Never mind that deaths caused by Edelgard’s actions were caused as a result of a war that was necessary to take down the Church of Seiros, which actually had been ruling all of Fodlan under the guise of letting the different territories rule themselves for ages, while Dimitri just killed Empire soldiers for his own blood thirst and revenge, but you know. If you ask most of the people in the fandom, Saint Didi can do no wrong.)

But the thing is, all of that is bullshit. It wasn’t okay that he committed so many murders for the sake of his own revenge fantasies and blood lust. It wasn’t okay that he wanted his former friends to be his meat shields. It wasn’t okay that he abandoned his people. None of that was okay. And I don’t want to sit here and console him and make him feel better just because he apologies and cries about how he’s The Biggest Monster Ever as a result of his actions. Because a.) his actions were monstrous, and b.) that’s an emotionally manipulative tactic, and I’m here for none of it.

Before I go any further, let me state flat out: I’m not calling Dimitri an emotional abuser. I don’t think that was the intent behind those Woe Is Me pity parties of his, from a writing standpoint, and therefore that’s not what he’s thinking he’s doing when he goes on them. I will call Dimitri many things, including a murderer, but I won’t call him an emotional abuser because I don’t think that was the intent in the writing. However, regardless of whether that was the intent in the writing or not, it doesn’t change the fact that one of the oldest tricks in the emotional manipulation book is, when emotional manipulators / abusers are called out on their behaviors and forced to answer to the things they’ve done, they’ll flip the script and start degarding themselves and talking about how awful they are so their victims end up comforting them. A very basic demonstration of what I mean:

Victim: “It really hurts me when you act like you can’t trust me and go through my phone to see who I’ve been talking to. I feel like my privacy is being violated and like you think I’m dishonest.”

Manipulator: “You’re right, I know I should trust you more. I just get so insecure and scared that you’ll leave me.” 

Victim: “I know you deal with insecurity, but that doesn’t give you a right to go through my things. It really upsets me when you do this.”

Manipulator: “I know, I’m such a horrible person. I’m the worst partner. You deserve so much better than me, I understand that you hate me, I’m just the worst and am absolutely useless and terrible and not fit to be even your friend, much less your partner.”

Victim: “No, wait, that’s not true …”

And on and on. Even if they pepper in “I’m sorry”s in there, it’s never once a genuine apology, because they spend so much time tearing themselves down in an exaggerated fashion that the victim feels like they have to comfort the person who hurt them. Similarly, when Dimitri goes on his speeches about how he’s ~unworthy to be king~ or a monster or whatever, the answer choices given are Byleth comforting him one way or the other. We’re never given an option (beyond telling Felix we won’t talk to Dimitri right after the time skip) to tell Dimitri that he is awful, that he doesn’t deserve to be king, or really to revoke our support in any way at all. And because Byleth is not given that option, the narrative is telling us that the correct “choice” (because there really isn’t one) is to sympathize with and empower Dimitri despite how heinous is behavior is. Because Dimitri was traumatized, poor thing, and thus it’s okay that he brutally murdered all those people for no reason other than his own satisfaction. 

(Note: The game never once says “revenge is wrong because it just breeds more revenge.” Even though it seemed like they were going that way with Randolph and Fleche, it’s not Fleche wanting to murder Dimitri that makes Dimitri realize that what he’s been doing is fucked up, it’s Rodrigue dying defending him from Fleche. So even if you wanted to say that Dimitri being blood thirsty and out for revenge was meant to teach him a lesson about how he should behave, it’s not, because that’s not a lesson he ever actually picks up on.)

And that finally ties into what I think you were driving at in your ask (boy, I’ve been at this for a long time), which is the narrative of someone “saving” someone else with their love. By telling the player that they, as Byleth, should excuse and forgive Dimitri for his atrocities because he was traumatized and sad, the narrative (and all the characters in the narrative) are basically pushing Byleth to be Dimitri’s therapist. And as I said in the tags on one of my Azure Moon hate posts (or maybe on twitter, I can’t remember, it all blends together), I am not here for that.

Aside from the fact that both Edelgard and Claude seem to genuinely care for Byleth the whole way through, the other primary difference between them and Dimitri is the fact that Byleth doesn’t have to play therapist for either of them. Claude, for the most part, doesn’t have any major traumas; he did have to grow up being outcasted for being mixed race, and that is its own kind of trauma which I am in NO WAY diminishing, but that trauma he faced was the more realistic type of trauma that people in real life face every day. He is still the most well-adjusted of the three. As for Edelgard, she is in my opinion even more traumatized than Dimitri, but not only is her trauma handled in such a way that it’s never used as an excuse for her behavior (the experiences that traumatized her helped her form the beliefs that spur her actions, but her actions always route back to those beliefs, not to “ghosts made me do it”), but she also pretty much keeps her trauma to herself as best she can and never hinges her emotional stability on Byleth. Yes, Byleth’s presence helps balance Edelgard since Byleth is a secondary confidant and can therefore offer counter-influence to Hubert’s toxic influence (not bashing Hubert here, I’m just saying, he is the WORST influence), but although it’s made clear that Edelgard deeply missed Byleth for the past five years to the point of lamenting about it constantly to the rest of the Black Eagle Strike Force, she also kept her shit together and didn’t wantonly murder people as a result of Byleth’s absence. When she comes to Byleth with issues, they’re usually tactics or strategy related. Byleth is only ever able to learn about Edelgard’s past in late night moments of emotional vulnerability, such as after a nightmare. And even then, Edelgard sharing those moments is less “HEAL MY PAST TRAUMA AND MAKE ME BETTER, PROFESSOR” and more “okay, I trust you enough to tell you this.” It’s not about helping stabilize Edelgard, it’s about earning enough of Edelgard’s trust to learn of her past.

This is in stark contrast to Dimitri, who, again, is completely off his shits, and him being off his shits is treated as a problem that Byleth (/the player) needs to “fix.” Felix tells you to do something about Dimitri. Rodrigue asks you to steer Dimitri in a better direction. Gilbert and Dedue both thank you for “saving” Dimitri even before he finishes being off his shits. The Azure Moon route is about forcing Byleth into the position of therapist and having them do emotional labor for Dimitri, which is hilarious if you think about how Byleth didn’t even start having emotions until teaching at the academy, but also unbelievably aggravating to me, as a player, because I don’t want to be a therapist for a murderous sadboy. I don’t like Dimitri. I don’t approve of his actions or behaviors. And I don’t give a shit what his reasons are for it. I’m not here to be his therapist or do that emotional labor, and I shouldn’t have to be. No one should have to be, except a paid therapist, and only because they’re being paid and have agreed to take on the job. But even then, Dimitri is still his own responsiblity. He is a grown fucking man. It shouldn’t be my or anyone else’s job to do this for him. Neither Edelgard or Claude (or Yuri, for that matter, in Cindered Shadows) required this much emotional labor and bullshit, for fucksake.

But of course, in all of this, I think what gets me more than anything present in the entire game is the fact how, from what I’ve seen, people in fandom by and large worship Dimitri and bend themselves into pretzels painting him as heroic while simultaneously spitting bile at Edelgard and making her out to be a villain. The contrast in their respective pages on TV Tropes is stark. I know I shouldn’t be surprised, given that Edelgard is a woman (and a queer woman, at that) and Dimitri is a blond white boy, and that’s just the way these things tend to be, but it still pisses me off and frustrates me to no end. Fandoms are simultaneously the best and worst of times and this will likely never change. (But honestly, if Edelgard’s role was filled by the blond white pretty boy while Dimitri’s was filled by the woman, I guarantee you that reception to them would be flipped right around. Guarantee.)

Anyway, this turned into a huge rant. I didn’t even expect it to be this long when I started writing. But suffice to say that while I’ve not yet finished Azure Moon, it’s currently my least favorite of the routes I’ve played (best is Crimson Flower, then Cindered Shadows because shut up I’m counting it, then Verdant Wind, and then Azure Moon; I’m ignoring the existence of Silver Snow since I cannot imagine ever not siding with Edelgard when I’ve chosen the Black Eagles), and I cannot stand Didi. He is the worst of the House Leaders by far. Considering how much he has in common with Rhea, it shouldn’t be surprising I feel this way about him, but boy, do I feel this way about him. So go ahead and feel validated, anon. You will not find Didi or Azure Moon love on this blog. You are not alone in this, trust.

[ae0nx]

FRUITS BASKET EPISODE 15

It’s a pretty chill one this week! Nice... pleasant... So therefore, it’s gonna be short haha I kid, it is kinda short but there’s still a bit to unpack.

- There was a lake episode? (I feel like this episode and the beach chapters have merged together in my mind) Although, it feels good to not remember anything! This will be fun

- I’m noticing how the new opening feels a bit... jarring. The 2001 opening and the previous ‘Again’ opening kind of held the spirit of Fruits Basket, with its slow moving yet emotional ballad and the slice of life of it all yet also being very emotive and heart wrenching. Whereas this fully encapsulates the feeling that Tohru brings into the zodiacs’ lives, yes, but I think it’s a bit too energetic? But I have a feeling the creators made a purposeful move with this opening to serve it as a palate cleanser as we move deeper into the manga and more into... emotionally taxing scenes... hmm..

I actually forgot myself and fell for Shigure’s fuckery as well. This episode has made me weak towards him, someone remind me what an awful person he is, please.

FUCK. It’s too early in the morning for me to get in my feelings. If I had a kid like Tohru, I’d spend 80% of my time crying (out of happiness and worry).

- I also love how majority of this episode is Kyo and Yuki making a 😯face at Tohru. Adorkable.

- Tohru just be falling off cliffs and shit, huh... 🤭

AW! SHIGURE! Looking out for Hatori! Being a good friend! Not being a scumbag! And that FACE! I can’t stay mad at that face. But in all seriousness, it was really nice to get this scene between Shigure and Hatori as I was beginning to question their friendship. Brb, I’m making my ‘Shigure has a heart’ placard. (I know he’ll disappoint me later but then I’ll have the joy of destroying something beautiful later)

- Kyo wanting to fight Yuki and his rat friends... 😂BOYYY, IF YOU DON’T-

- ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be laughing. You were in the middle of a SERIOUS argument’ God, I love the sarcastic inflection there (english dub), but it’s not too pronounced because Tohru is still Tohru. Soooo gooooood

- I’m pretty intrigued by the constant ‘yin and yang’ nature of Kyo and Yuki’s relationship. I know a lot of it falls on their positions in the zodiac and the ‘cat and rat’ nature of their beings. But they tend to kind of point in the same direction most of the time and work in a very interesting synchronisation with each other even when they don’t want to. I don’t have much to really say about it besides that, so I’ll wait for further episodes when it’ll hopefully go deeper.

I don’t know what it is about this scene but I am so drawn to Hatori in this. 

Is it the glasses? 

Is it the fact that he’s wearing casual smart wear? (I almost gave outfit appreciation to him but I felt the need to join in a roasting session instead - wait for it) 

Is it the fact that he’s sitting so elegantly with his crossed legs? 

Or is it the fact that he simply called Shigure’s book ‘revolting’?...

It could be all four points. <3

- Oh jeez Aya really is exhausting. When I was 16, Aya was my favourite and I loved him but now ten years later, I’m just a bit... exhausted lol I still love him though

I was considering not doing an outfit appreciation but shoutout to Kyo and that Adidas sponsorship. We’re all so proud of you for getting this opportunity and we hope that you’re getting paid well, my dude. Slaying it in that black and white, Haru is shaking... (I’m sorry I just wanted to join in, this is the best joke in the tag right now - you guys are too much 😂) 2 out of 5 stars because he basic but I also want that hoodie too.

- I wonder why Aya gave the photo of Kana at her wedding to Hatori? Did he want him to go after Kana? Or was he using it as a motive for him to find closure with Kana?

- I do find a bit unfair for Aya to blame Kana for Hatori’s hurt... Was it even Kana’s choice to get her memories erased? Or did Hatori just want to end her suffering the way he felt was best? But either way, I do understand that it’s in Aya’s very passionate nature to blame Kana (even if it isn’t totally right). It’s only natural to his character and his loyalty to Hatori

- OH GOD. Right. I’m blind. I just noticed there was a parallel going on between Hatori/Shigure/Ayame and Tohru/Kyo/Yuki. In each of the groups, there are two friends trying to push aside their own feelings (Kyo and Yuki) or wild personalities (Shigure and Ayame) to try and make that one ‘friend who holds the group together’ feel better. 

- But also... Hatori’s comment on wanting to protect the younger kids from the same fate... made me feel like the episode was hinting that this love that Tohru has for both of the boys has the potential to break her heart as badly as Hatori’s has been hurt. And I just felt a slight pang in my chest... ok.

- Lol that hint at a future relationship... not obvy at all, anime. Not obvy at all... 😏

This was a fun, refreshing, breather of an episode. Fully encapsulated what it’s like to be near a lake as a vacation spot, now that I think about it. Don’t remember next episode either. And I’m ecstatic! But I also really wanna write that ‘Shigure in 2001 version vs Shigure in manga/2019 anime’ essay and really put all my Shigure feelings to bed but I’m gonna have to rewatch the 2001 version and I don’t wanna do it yet cos I’ll end up remembering stuff! (Also I guess it won’t be accurate until this current season is over - assuming this anime hits all the same beats and episodes as the 2001 version) So I guess I might just keep it in my back pocket for a while. See you next week! 

WAIT... WHAT ABOUT THE BEAR?!

[taehyungiejiminie95]

The Necklace

Forbidden - Seokjin

It is written in law that on a child’s 15th birthday, they will be presented with a necklace that will guide them to another necklace, belonging to whom their heart will. These necklaces are forged in the depths of an deep sea facility, and must be requested between the birth of the child and the child’s 1st birthday in order to be fashioned correctly. One must include a small vial of the child’s blood, a lock of their hair, and also sufficient DNA from both biological and (where appropriate) adoptive, fostered or guardians of the child. Failure to comply will result in the disobedient parties being punished accordingly, and the child will need to be taken under the observation of the facility. No child is permitted to surpass their 15th birthday without receiving this gift. Should this – for any reason – happen, the child should report this to their local authorities quickly so that this may be rectified.

You finally meet the man who shares the same necklace as you, but there’s just one problem - if you date him, you’ll lose the job you treasure so much. That and the fact that he’s not the man you would ever picture yourself to end up falling in love with.

Word count: 16,348

You sigh as you pull your hair back into the same tight ponytail that you do every morning. Sometimes it seems so pointless. You know you’ll just pull it out in frustration later on, probably when one of your employees messes up again and you have to fix their mess before management finds out and has your ass for it. Smiling thinly, you stand up and smooth out your blouse. You have the same mundane conversation with yourself every day, but it never changes how you do your hair, or anything else, for that matter.

You glance in the mirror as you pick up your bag, checking that you look presentable. Frowning over your collar as you do every morning, you pull it up to hide your necklace as you head out to your car. Of course you’d be cursed with a choker as your necklace! You, a respectable business woman, wearing a choker! It’s absurd, and it’s caused more problems than it’s fixed. They say that you have the necklaces to stop heartbreak, and to guide you to your True Love, but you just don’t see the point. If True Love was so amazing, wouldn’t it be obvious the moment you saw it?

The drive to work is the same, too. The same idiots cutting you off, the same tired students trudging through the streets, the same stressed mothers pulling their screaming kids away from a toy shop window. It’s all so ordinary. So repetitive. Like every morning, you find your mind wandering to the owner of same necklace as you. ‘Maybe they’ll change it all for me,’ you think to yourself, ‘Maybe they’ll light up my world and make even these ordinary things seem exciting’,

“Hello, Matthew,” you say curtly as you pass the large marble desk in the lobby of your office building, cursing your accidental greeting, and therefore your parent’s insistence on manners at all times. It’s become ingrained in your mind, and there’s no escaping it. Matthew is the receptionist, and to be frank he’s a creep. He always leers after you in a disgustingly sexual way, despite your modest attire and your very clear ‘no’. You’d think these god-awful necklaces would stop encounters like this, but they don’t, and his disgusting advances are a constant reminder of this,

“Good morning, sexy. Why don’t you let me unbutton that top? You know I love blue on you, but it’d look better on the floor of the supplies closet,” Matthew replies without missing a beat. You feel a shiver run down your spine as you continue walking to the elevator, speeding up as you do your best not to retort. It’s best not to dignify him with a response, you’ve come to realise over time.

You smile thinly as you hold the elevator open for an older man. When the days aren’t so stressful, maybe the smile would be genuine. But as your mind thinks of the copious amounts of work waiting for you on your desk, you can’t bring yourself to do it. As the elevator ascends, you find your fingers fiddling with your collar again, ensuring for the last time that your necklace is completely covered. Before you get lost in work and everything you have to do, you throw one last curse to the idiots who made it. It’s just ridiculously obvious and inconvenient, especially for a woman in your position. You struggle to get taken seriously by the board as it is, without this childish piece of lace wrapped around your throat.

The smile you give your assistant is a little more genuine than the one you gave the man in the elevator, but she will still be able to tell that today will not be a day when she can sit in your office with her lunch-time cup of tea. Over the weekend, a lot of things had changed in the world, especially in politics. This, surprisingly, affected your company. Of course it did! Because the world hates you and wants to give the department manager of a stupid clothing business more stress than they can deal with. Why not?

1pm seems to crawl up to you at an insanely slow pace, but your alarm finally goes off to signal lunch, and you sigh. You stretch your arms as you stand up and throw a glance at the number of unopened emails that still sit impatiently in your inbox. 114. Great. Looks like you’ll be taking lunch at your desk again. And by lunch, that means a well-earned cup of coffee.

The chatter of the lunchroom never ceases to amaze you as you enter. You pay these people to work, not to talk about Nancy’s barbecue or whatever the topic of gossip is today. But you know it doesn’t really matter. You can’t be the only one who feels that everything is a bit repetitive, so you let them have their little moments of interest. In the grand scheme of things, half an hour of work lost doesn’t mean much. You trust that they’ll make it up at one point or another. Then you see your most recent hire. He hasn’t earned said trust, and certainly not with the way he looks right now.

It’s undeniable that he’s incredibly attractive. He’s the kind of attractive that makes both women and men trip over themselves as he passes, and the kind that you could only expect to see on a big screen, starring in the latest movie. Broad shoulders, strong jaw line, kind eyes, a beautiful smile and a general charm about him. You’d interviewed him yourself, and apparently he wasn’t all looks. He had a plethora of experience in marketing, so it would be stupid not to have hired him. The only issue is his attitude.

You suppose it may just be his insistence on complete individuality. You don’t have an issue with his individuality, but he’s so adamant about sticking out like a sore thumb and it’s already causing issues within the department. On the first day, he’d shown up in tight leather trousers. You’d quickly shut that down, of course, but he’d only switched to formal trousers that were just as tight the following day. It was like a constant battle with him over the rules of the workplace,

“Good afternoon, Miss Y/L/N,” He smirks at you, moving out of the way of the coffee machine as you approach. You smile as pleasantly as you can to a man who you consistently clash with and set about making your coffee, “And how is your day going so far?” He asks, leaning back against the counter, crossing one of his legs over the other. You know exactly what he’s doing. He’s trying to charm his way out the inevitable talk you’re going to give him about appropriate clothing in the office,

“My morning was going much better until I saw that choker around your neck, Mr Kim,” You reply simply, turning to face him as your coffee brews. He’s a good head above you, so the fact that you have to crane your neck up to see him isn’t ideal, but it gives you a better vantage point to take in his outfit fully - tight black trousers, with shined black shoes, a crisp white shirt neatly tucked in with the top three buttons undone and there, hugging the base of his throat is a black choker, not unlike your own,

“Please, call me Seokjin, or Jin, if you’d rather. I’m sorry my choice of attire is so distracting to you,” Mr Kim replies with ease. There’s no way you’ll be calling him Jin. You’re professional - unlike him. You purse your lips tightly as you choose your next words carefully. Your eyes are inexplicably drawn to the choker around his neck, examining the patterns intricately designed on it. It registers in the back of your mind that it’s very similar to what is on yours, and you have to make a physical effort to not adjust your collar out of nerves,

“It’s not distracting to me, it’s simply inappropriate. Chokers are not allowed to be on show here. If you could refrain from wearing it in the office, that would be more than ideal,” You reply slowly, drawing your words out carefully so that he can’t twist them around. You feel your chest tighten as you see that his lace strip is exactly the same as your own, and you try to listen very carefully to his words,

“I can’t. It’s the necklace gifted to me on my 15th. You know that the implications of refusing to wear it are quite awful,” The man replies, his charm edging slightly at the mentions of such consequences. His shoulder twitches like he shivered, and you have to control your own body’s tremors as you remember the authorities at your door when you voiced your disdain at the choker you were given all those years ago. You close your eyes briefly before trying a new tactic,

“You weren’t wearing it last week, Mr Kim,” You tell him simply, feeling confidence enter your body again. There’s no way you share the same necklace. He definitely wasn’t wearing it last week, and yours has a pendant. It’s a small glass teardrop and it’s nowhere to be seen on Mr Kim’s, so there’s no need for you to worry,

“It was in for repair. The pendant fell off while I was out running. I’ve been advised to just wear it backwards from now on,” Mr Kim replies, smiling that smile that you’re sure he reserves especially for situations like this. You freeze at the mention of the word pendant and the fact that he was getting it repaired. You have to take a few quick breaths to steady yourself as you continue,

“Then perhaps you would consider buttoning your shirt up? As you can see, it’s not that difficult,” Your words (shockingly) don’t fail you even once as you gesture to your own collar, turning back to your coffee to finish preparing it. Amidst all this panic, you’d almost forgotten about your one true lifeline. You add a sugar cube and stir until it’s dissolved, barely noticing that Mr Kim didn’t reply as you scold yourself in your head. You got so ahead of yourself for a moment. There’s no way that this Seokjin is your True Love. Life isn’t a badly written book. Coincidences like this don’t just happen.

But apparently, fate has some awful vendetta against you, because it keeps putting Mr Kim in your path. Every day, that choker wrapped around his neck taunts you, and he refuses to cover it up. You’ve told him nearly every day for three weeks to dress himself appropriately for his job, but he still seems to be taking some kind of joy from disobeying you. At this point, he’s directly challenging your authority, and that’s what’s bothering you more than anything. So, you leave a lovely little email in his inbox late on Friday night, so that it’s ready and waiting for him on Monday morning:

Dear Mr. Kim,

Due to your continued aversion to rules, I am requesting a meeting with you at 1pm on Monday to see if we can reach an understanding. Should we fail to do this, you will find that I will be placing a formal complaint. Thank you, and I’ll see you Monday.

Best Wishes,

Y/N Y/L/N

Part of you was dreading Monday morning, so even the mundane parts of your journey in seemed to entice you like never before. You scoff slightly at this – Mr Kim was not lighting up your world in any way, so why should your wish to appreciate the ordinary be coming true?

You find yourself lingering in your car, wishing you didn’t have to go through with the informal meeting. Being alone in a room with Mr Kim isn’t exactly high on your bucket list at the moment. You give your assistant a grim look and let her know that 1pm until 1:30pm will be a time where she is not to disturb you and must redirect all calls to her own phone. She nods understandingly and offers you an encouraging look that you really need. Especially when you find a teasing reply to your own email in your inbox, apparently sent just minutes ago:

Miss Y/L/N,

Thank you for your email. I very much anticipate our meeting. I’ll bring you your favourite coffee, and you can have one of my sandwiches too. I noticed that you don’t usually eat lunch. Luckily for you, I always pack 2! See you soon,

(I told you to call me-) Jin

P.S You’re going to hate what I’m wearing today

The morning slips through your fingers all too fast, and you find yourself calling for Mr Kim to come in all too soon. You fight the urge to purse your lips - a bad habit you’ve picked up over years of work - at the sight of Mr Kim entering with a lunch tray, overflowing with food and two coffees. He was right in his email. You do hate what he’s wearing: trousers that are still too tight, accompanied by a blue shirt with the sleeves rolled up, showcasing his toned forearms perfectly. Of course, he’s left his usual three buttons undone, so your eyes are naturally drawn to his choker. You settle for a frown, crossing one of your legs over the other as Mr Kim pushes some of the clutter on your desk out of the way, and places the tray down. He then sits himself down in the left of the two chairs by your desk, and looks more comfortable than you’d like,

“Mr Kim, this is not a social call,” You remind him firmly, stifling a smile when he quickly sits up straighter. You take the coffee from the tray and take a sip from it, before placing it down on your desk and moving your chair closer to your desk, “Thank you for the coffee. Now, you know why I’ve requested this brief meeting, yes?” You ask him, raising an eyebrow as you sort through the paperwork on your desk, trying to come off as a little nonchalant. It’s undeniable that you’re nervous around Mr Kim, especially since with every passing day you become slightly more sure that your necklaces might actually match,

“I told you, I prefer Jin. If you’re not comfortable with that, Seokjin is fine. There’s nothing wrong with a little familiarity,” Mr Kim presses, raising an eyebrow at you. Your breath definitely didn’t hitch at the sight of that, “And yes, I’m well aware that you frown upon my choices - not that the necklace is my choice. I know as well as you that we have to wear these,” Mr Kim continues, his voice warm and silky, the words rolling off his tongue in a way that you’re most certainly not admiring. It takes you a moment to realise his comment warrants a response, and you clear your throat as you tear your eyes from his choker,

“Mr Kim-” You start, but then he hums in disapproval. Rolling your eyes, you give in a little, “Seokjin, then. I understand that wearing the choker is not your choice. However, you need to keep it covered in the workplace. This rejection of the rules… I don’t see how it’s going to earn you anything other than unemployment at this rate,” You finish, your eyes trained on the space between his eyes. Something’s telling you not to look into them directly,

“This rejection of the rules comes from passion. Passion, I believe, that actually got me this job. Am I wrong, Miss Y/L/N?” Seokjin probes, and you nearly scoff in response. Who is he to question you in such a way? You clench your jaw as you lean forward in your seat,

“Seokjin, I gave you this job and I can take it away. I don’t appreciate your defiance, I don’t appreciate your inappropriate clothes and I don’t appreciate your choker,” You tell him, a fire burning inside of you that you haven’t felt in a while. In the back of your mind, you recognise it as passion. The same passion that you see in Seokjin’s eyes regularly,

“You have one,” Seokjin replies simply, and you fall back in your seat in shock, tugging your collar up in embarrassment. Your cheeks burn red and you try to get a response out through the panic shooting through your mind. You were always so careful with your collar! How did Seokjin even notice? “It’s okay, I won’t tell anyone,” Seokjin assures you, but it does nothing to stop the burning panic in your chest. What if he thinks that you have the same one too? You don’t want to deal with that awkward question,

“Thank you for meeting with me, Mr Kim. I see that your mind can’t be swayed. You can continue to wear your choker, and I’ll ensure that nobody questions it. Thank you for your time, here’s your lunch, you can go,” You get out in a rush, standing up as you hand him his tray. Seokjin starts spluttering in shock, but you’re already shooing him towards the door. He eventually just sighs, placing his tray back on your desk and staring at you with a hard gaze. You cross your arms and stare straight back. You refuse to become pliant under his eyes. You can’t let him think that he can walk all over you,

“Can I see yours?” Seokjin asks, and his voice seems to drop all traces of false charm. He sounds almost timid, and that’s what shocks you most of all. He looks vulnerable, and almost small in the way that his bottom lip is jutting out slightly. He looks lost all of a sudden, and your heart hurts for him. He looks just as lost and as confused as you feel. Maybe that’s what compels you to unbutton your collar, showing him your choker, and the small teardrop pendant that hangs from it. Seokjin gasps and fumbles for his, but you shake your head,

“Please don’t show me. I don’t want to see,” You whisper, wondering when in the hell you became so soft and quiet. But Seokjin doesn’t listen, and you try to stop him. You grab his hands, throwing all of your boundaries to the wind in your desperation. But that doesn’t stop him, and he wordlessly pulls his choker round, revealing to you a small glass teardrop.

Before you even know what’s happening, Seokjin’s hands have fallen from his necklace and have placed themselves on your cheeks. His eyes are closed and he’s leaning in, lips looking soft and kissable. For a moment, you want to lean in too, but then alarm bells go off in your head and you wonder what the hell you’re doing. Your hands come up and shove Seokjin’s shoulders hard, wanting him away from you quickly so that you can think straight. He stumbles backwards, eyes wide with hurt as he waits for an explanation with burning cheeks,

“That is not appropriate. Relationships between members of staff here are strictly prohibited. If you approach me in such a manner again, I will be forced to terminate your employment here,” You splutter, smoothing down your shirt like having Seokjin lean towards you was going to rumple it. At least it gave you an excuse not to look at him.

While you busy yourself with that, Seokjin’s mind is racing. He just can’t seem to figure you out. Sometimes you look at him like he had a chance, but now he makes a move and you get hostile! He just doesn’t know what to do. It’s obvious from the necklaces that you’re meant to be together in some way, so Seokjin doesn’t understand why you don’t just let him show you. Maybe you’re scared. That thought makes it easier for Seokjin to understand so that’s what he goes with. Scared seems right. Scared makes it easier for Seokjin not to get angry. Well, for him not to get too angry. He’s still upset and a little humiliated, so he clenches his jaw and hurries out of your office, not even bothering to say goodbye to your assistant before deciding he needs to leave work early.

Back in the office, you’re huffing to yourself as you sit yourself back down in your chair, running a hand through your once-neat hair. How dare he assume you’d fall for him just because he has the same necklace as you! Just because ‘fate’ or whatever it was decided that you’d fall in love, it didn’t mean that you already have, or that you’re just going to fall to his feet without so much as a date first.

That’s how you explain it to your assistant when she comes in to see if you’re okay. Apparently Seokjin had looked pretty worked up when he left, so she’d wanted to make sure you weren’t any worse off. Luckily, you’d mostly pulled yourself together by the time she came in. Like you were going to let someone like Seokjin come in and ruin your whole composure by only nearly kissing you! Your world doesn’t revolve around men, like it clearly does for your assistant, if her next comment is anything to go by,

“Well if I’m being totally honest with you, Y/N - and I always am! - I’d love to be in your position. Seeing him walk away is always fun, watching that butt go!” She squeals, and you’re ashamed to say that you feel a strange feeling bubbling up under the surface of your skin, making you snap a little too quickly,

“Don’t be so crude. I’m sure you have some work to do, so I suggest you attend to that,” Your words are harsh and clipped, but your assistant doesn’t even flinch. She just stands up from where she was perched on your desk and gives you strange smile before exiting your office, closing the door slowly behind her.

The next day, you come up to your office to find that your assistant has not shown up to work. Your briefly wonder if you were too harsh yesterday, but she did say goodbye to you as she usually would before leaving. She must just be off sick - not that you have much time to deliberate over the possibilities for the absence of the woman who’s never caught so much as cold in her life, given that a certain someone is sat on your desk when you go into your office.

Seokjin seems far too relaxed, his face once again holding that smile that somehow seems both humble and cocky at the same time. He looks nothing like the flustered man showing you his necklace yesterday, although you do hurry to push the image of that from your head. However, it doesn’t take long for your mind to become preoccupied, since Seokjin is swinging his legs like some sort of overgrown child. You purse your lips in response as you shed your suit jacket and hang it up on its rack,

“Get down from there, Seokjin. It’s not a playground, it’s my place of work. And you can hurry along to your own desk now, I made clear I didn’t want to see you after… after yesterday,” You tell him, cursing yourself for nearly mentioning in words what Seokjin had attempted yesterday. You’d been doing so well at acting as you usually had, other than that slip and the accidental use of his actual name rather than your preferred ‘Mr Kim’,

“You’re the one who sent the email. If you didn’t want to see me, you wouldn’t have asked me up here again. I assumed you wanted to talk,” Seokjin replies without missing a beat, slinking down from your desk gracefully and putting a hand into one of his pockets. You try not to stare too long at how confident he looks, instead pursuing your confusion over his words,

“What email?” You shoot back, not caring that your speech lost its eloquence. Your eyebrows pull into a frown as you fold your arms, trying to make it clear through your body language that you don’t want Seokjin to take any more steps towards you. Luckily, he seems to get the message, and stops short of your personal space as he gets his phone from his back pocket, showing it to you:

Mr. Kim,

Come to my office immediately upon your arrival tomorrow morning.

Y/N Y/L/N

You scoff at the email and dismiss it with a wave of your hand. You’re not stupid, so you recognise your own assistant’s attempt at your style of emailing when you see it. She’s been replying to the less important emails of yours for a long time now, so you’ve grown accustomed to it. It’s blatant that she’s off from work to hide from your wrath at her poor attempt at forcing you and Seokjin together, but you can’t find it in your heart to be mad right now. Well, not when you’re looking at Seokjin’s face growing slightly more confused and flustered as he stows his phone away, embarrassment kissing his cheeks,

“So it wasn’t you who sent that, then? I guess I hid my necklace for nothing,” He huffs, the last sentence so quiet that you probably weren’t meant to hear it. But you do, and so you finally allow yourself a moment to give Seokjin’s outfit a once-over with your eyes.

It’s mostly appropriate, and that fact nearly brings a smile to your face. His trousers are quite tight, but not overly tight like he usually prefers. His shirt is white in colour, and it contrasts well with his black hair. Seokjin has even opted for a suit jacket that matches his trousers, and his tie is tightened up to his neck properly. Even though you can tell that the top button isn’t actually done up, it would probably be unnoticeable to someone who wasn’t scrutinising it. The most prominent feature of his wardrobe choice today is the fact that his choker is hidden absolutely perfectly. You can’t even catch a glimpse of the black lace wrapped tauntingly around the base of his throat,

“I know you’re busy, but maybe we could grab lunch? I feel maybe yesterday was a little rude of me. I’d appreciate the chance to make it up to you, and perhaps we could get to know each other a little instead of me making more stupid decisions,” Seokjin says with a hesitant smile, tearing you from your thoughts. You’re frowning before you can stop yourself, starting to shake your head,

“I don’t think that’s a particularly great idea. I don’t think a date is app-”

“Not as a date! Just as my apology for yesterday. I was too forward and it must’ve been quite intimidating. I want to see if we could start over and I could be more respectful,” Seokjin cuts you off, a clear panic rising in his voice. You sigh and shake your head to yourself, wondering why on earth you let him get away with so much with you. If anyone else ever cut your words you’d be furious. But for some reason, you let Seokjin get away with it. You even agree to get lunch with him at 1pm, so long as you’d made a dent in the pile of work waiting for you. Seokjin seemed pleased with that, smiling widely as he exits, promising to be outside your office at 1pm on the dot. And so he is.

As you’re about to pull your suit jacket on, trying to pretend that you’re not excited for your lunch out with Seokjin, he lets himself in, quickly grabbing the collar of it to help you put it on. You smile bashfully and thank him, trying to not to let the blush burning your cheeks show through too much. That proves a lot more difficult than it should be, however, since Seokjin acts as the perfect gentleman. He holds open all the doors for you, and even pulls out a chair for you when you reach the café a few minutes from your building.

While Seokjin goes up to get the both of you some coffee and some food (after much debate over his insistence that he’ll pay for it all) you find yourself sitting at the table nervously, fidgeting more than you ever have before. You just can’t seem to fathom why you’re this nervous. It’s not like you to be this on edge for a simple lunch date that apparently isn’t even a date, if you’re to believe Seokjin.

It doesn’t take long for Seokjin to make his way back over to the table you’re seated at, his brow pulled together in concentration so that he doesn’t spill any coffee or let any of the mountain of food fall from it. You raise an eyebrow as he sets it down before taking a seat across from you, smiling widely. He begins to explain that he couldn’t help but get lots of food, since it all looked so good and you don’t seem to eat much lunch, but then his phone buzzes twice in his pocket. He continues talking as he gets it, but stops quickly hen his eyes dart over the screen to read whatever it is that’s on there,

“Everything okay?” You ask cautiously, hoping that he doesn’t suddenly ditch you and run out. That might have happened to you a few times in the past, and you can only imagine how humiliating it would be for it to happen with one of your colleagues. The paling of his face only reminds you of why you don’t like to date, and you’re just about to excuse yourself and make a quick escape when Seokjin shoves his phone back into his pocket with a little more force than is really necessary. But just as quickly as that show of aggression appears, it’s gone, and his face is relaxed into a smile,

“My mother’s always texting me when she gets aggravated. She hasn’t taken well to her new home, and she can’t work out how to turn on the TV yet. She thinks that’s my fault of course,” Seokjin shoots you a sheepish smile at that, “Not that it’s anything to worry about. We have a lunch scheduled,” He finishes, handing you the coffee he ordered for you. It’s your favourite, so you can’t help but smiling into it as you wrap your cold hands around it, nodding both in thanks and agreement,

“I know what that’s like. My mother’s a complete technophobe. I don’t know what she’d do if it wasn’t for my father,” You joke, surprising yourself with how at ease you sound with Seokjin. You thought it would take weeks (months, perhaps) for you to warm up to him, but there’s something about him that makes you want to tell him everything, despite your mind insisting that he’s too unruly for you,

“I must admit that I do feel quite bad for messing you about with the dress code so much. So, it got me thinking - how about you call me Jin and I dress like a business man more often?” Seokjin says further into the lunch, after finishing his second sandwich. You chuckle to yourself and swallow your bite of the muffin you’d chosen over the rest of Seokjin’s ‘food haul’ as he had aptly named it,

“How about I call you Seokjin and you respect my authority as your superior?” You fire back, a teasing tone finding its home in your voice. For the second time that day, you surprise yourself. You’re normally so serious and insistent about the rules, but here you are joking about them with someone who blatantly ignores every single one of them,

“You drive a hard bargain, Miss Y/L/N, but I am forced to decline. Jin or I’ll wear the leather trousers again,” Seokjin replies without missing a beat, like he’d anticipated your response. You can’t figure out how he’d possibly managed that, since your answer had shocked even you, but you’re slowly learning to just accept Seokjin as you see him. With that in mind, you place your empty coffee cup down with a small smile of defeat,

“I’d be upset with that response if you weren’t one of the best negotiators in my department. I agree to your terms, Jin,” You reply, trying to hide the wide smile threatening to break through your resolve. Seokjin - well, you suppose it’s Jin now - rewards you with a stunning smile that knocks the very breath out of your lungs, as much as you’d like to deny it. After a few minutes, you’ve decided that maybe he isn’t so bad.

And after lunch, you’re nearly completely sure that he isn’t so bad. He holds great conversation, knowing exactly when to back off from a topic, and just the right questions to ask to keep things going smoothly. He tells you more about himself without bragging and without talking too much, giving you just as much of a chance to tell him what you want to. He’s not pushy or inattentive in any way - in fact, he’s leaning forward with interest most of the time, and he even maintains eye contact well without being creepy about it. You really can’t find any fault in his manners or his conversational skills.

Maybe you’ll have to reconsider your previous thoughts about why you can’t possibly like Jin. He hasn’t brought up the near-kiss yesterday other than skirting around it that morning in your office, and he hasn’t tried to do anything that’s uncalled for. He seems like the kind of person you might just be friends with, after all. Perhaps more… No. You can’t let your mind run away with itself. It’s only a lunch between colleagues.

At least, that’s how you’re justifying it in your head as you laugh loudly at one of his jokes on the way out of the café,

“I think it’s about to start raining,” Jin mutters as he glances up at the sky, frowning at the darkening clouds. You huff quietly, knowing that your luck will cause the heavens to open, making you look like a drowned rat for the rest of the day. And you have a meeting at 3pm! An important one! This must be the universe’s cruel way of punishing you for doing what you’re apparently meant to do - that being getting to know Jin a little.

Or maybe it’s the universe’s way of helping you along a little.

Jin slips his own suit jacket off before you can protest, holding it up to shield you just as the first drops of rain start to fall. You can’t help the amazed laugh that falls from your lips, completely unfiltered, and so different from the controlled way you’d been laughing with Jin before. You don’t have time to get embarrassed though, because Jin’s smile is directed at you in full force, and he’s seemingly unaffected by the rain soaking him through as he does so,

“Are you sure, Jin? You could get sick without any kind of jacket on in this weather!” You remind him as you both set off in a fast walk (rather awkwardly, since Jin is still holding his jacket over you like some kind of limp umbrella). Jin brushes your comment off easily,

“I saw the calendar on your desk this morning. You’ve got some important things going on this afternoon, so it’s my duty as your colleague to make sure you look presentable for them,” Jin assures you, sending you a quick wink that you pretend not to see.

Luckily, the café is only a few minutes from the building you work in, so you’re both in the lobby soon, smiling and laughing as Jin shakes his jacket off before donning it with a grimace, scrunching his nose up at how damp it is. You’re just about to apologise when you hear a loud wolf whistle from across the room, making your blood run cold,

“Hello there sexy! What a treat you’ve got there. My favourite colour on you other than the pretty blue you wear for me. See through,” Matthew, the receptionist, shouts at you from across the reception space. The familiar chill runs down your spine as his words cut through your ears. You feel like crying when you look down to see that your white blouse is now almost completely transparent, since your suit jacket had come undone on the journey back to the office. But before you can even worry about that, Jin is bristling beside you,

“I don’t know who the hell you think you are, talking to such a respectable woman like that but you need to stop. I’ve seen you outside that bar downtown, leering after the women there. It’s disgusting, and you should be ashamed. Maybe if you knew how to treat a woman like Y/N you wouldn’t be stuck in a dead-end job with no chance at even that necklace saving your miserable life,” Jin spits, shoulders straightening as he marches over to the desk to further intimidate Matthew.

For the first time in your life, you see the receptionist shrink into himself, eyes darting down in fear. The bloom of pride in your chest is pushed aside quite quickly though, although you can’t ignore the gratefulness you feel. Once again, Jin’s aggression disappears in the blink of an eye, and he shrugs his suit jacket off once more so that he can drape it over your shoulders, informing you that it’ll have to do to keep you decent until you get up to your office. You don’t even try to refuse this time, simply thanking him as you walk towards the elevators.

When you and Jin stop slightly outside of your office, you realise that your assistant finally showed up. She looks up from her computer with a smile that can only mean one thing - she did plan this, and she’s enjoying the fruits of her labour. That does something to you, and you find yourself handing Jin’s suit jacket back without a second thought, pulling your own tighter around you,

“Thank you for lunch, Mr Kim. I’m glad we could come to a compromise,” You say simply, ignoring the look of hurt that flashes across Jin’s eyes before he manages to compose himself,

“Don’t shut me out again,” He mumbles, trying his best not to allow your assistant to hear too much. You just shake your head and turn around to reach for your office door,

“I don’t know what you mean. Good day, Mr Kim. And I’ll need a fresh shirt, please. I got caught out in the rain,” You rush, saying the last part to your assistant before heading into your office without another sound, leaving Jin stood there holding his suit jacket, with an expression like a kicked puppy.

It’s not until much later that night that you realise what calling him Mr Kim would mean for you the following day. Your phone pings with an email from Jin as you sit down to turn on the TV. Sighing, you turn to read it:

Guess the deal’s off then. Negotiations are still open on this number. -Mr Kim

Following that short message is two things - a mobile number and a picture of Jin, stood in front of a mirror, holding up his leather pants.

You decide to ignore Jin’s email, much preferring to try and push it to the back of your mind. You very nearly do it as well, until you open your email again as you drink your morning cup of coffee at your kitchen table. It’s still there, glaring at you in all its disobedient glory. It’s right there that you resolve not to pay any attention to it. Seokjin is like a child that’s acting out, you think to yourself. Ignore him and he’ll get bored.

So that’s what you try and do.

Only, that proves to be a little more difficult than you thought.

Seokjin is conveniently waiting in the coffee room where you go every morning before you take lunch, but you try your very best to pay him no mind. He is in his leather pants, but you don’t say anything. It takes a lot of effort because they are definitely tighter than you remember but you force your eyes to glide straight over him, as if he wasn’t even there. Of course, since you don’t look at him, you don’t see the way his hopeful smile falls into something resembling a lost puppy. You didn’t even acknowledge his presence.

Just as your clock hits 1pm, you decide you are more hungry than you thought and you decide to head out to pick up a sandwich. You could use the air anyway - this week’s been tough, so it might be beneficial to go out. But it’s like the universe really does hate you, because when you leave your office, you see Seokjin sat carefully on the edge of your assistant’s desk, a frown on his face as the two converse. Once again, you act as if he’s not there, making eye contact with your assistant instead. You’re about to tell her that you’re heading out for lunch, but Seokjin suddenly hurrying away (tripping as he does) throws you off a little. It only takes a moment to recompose yourself, though.

You come in from your brief lunch feeling much better than before. It was a little chilly, but nothing you couldn’t handle. It was nice, and you’ll definitely open your windows more. Your head was nearly completely clear of stress until you entered the building and remembered that you have responsibilities and a job to get on with. And then you enter your office and there’s a flower on your desk. You know exactly who left it.

And that same person takes it upon themselves to leave you a different flower every single day, apparently sneaking in to leave it when you go out for lunch. You tried staying and taking lunch at your desk, but then it just appears outside your door. It’s been two weeks and three days - you counted - and you’ve decided you’ve had enough. You don’t have enough space in your only vase anymore, so you take it upon yourself to call Seokjin on the work landline to ask him to stop,

“Mr Kim?” You ask curtly, wanting to check you got the right number first. You can practically hear the shaking in his voice when he confirms that it’s him. Your heart definitely doesn’t thump harder at how sweet it is, and it most certainly does not change your plan, “I need to see you in my office immediately,” You tell him, hanging up promptly. You almost think that the feeling in your stomach is butterflies, but you’re not a teenager. You’re better than that. Then he comes in,

“You wanted to see me?” Seokjin announces his presence timidly as he enters, a small smile on his face. You allow yourself to really look at him for the first time in two weeks. As you allow yourself to do so, you feel a few of your walls crumbling around you. The way he plays with his fingers as he hovers in the doorway is endearing, and the way he blinks a little too much as his eyes look around your office. You notice the slight widening of his smile when his eyes find your vase of flowers. You’ve grown quite fond of it brightening your office, really,

“Yes. We’re going to lunch,” You suddenly say, before you can talk yourself out of it, “And I’ll pay this time,” You finish, standing up and adjusting your shirt before picking up your bag. Jin looks surprised but catches on pretty quickly, flashing you a jaw-dropping smile before taking your jacket and holding it up so you can put it on easier. You hide your blush as best you can, but maybe not so well.

You walk side by side with Jin, enjoying the air as you’ve grown accustomed to. Today seems a lot nicer, but maybe that’s just because you’re with someone - even if that someone is dressed in tight clothes again. Seokjin is a lot quieter than last time you went for lunch together, but you suppose that’s normal. You’d acted as if he doesn’t exist for weeks on end, but now you’re taking him for lunch. It’s understandable if he’s wary - you are too! You don’t know what you’re feeling. On the one hand, you know you shouldn’t be doing this. It’s not appropriate, and Seokjin isn’t your type. He’s relaxed where you’re uptight. He goes with the flow where you follow the rules. He’s the complete opposite to you, but it’s for that exact reason that you’re drawn to him. He balances you, and you can only hope that he feels the same.

Seokjin is quiet, but no less a gentleman. He walks beside the road, holds open doors and you notice how he barely stops himself going to help a child that just fell over - he probably would have if their mother didn’t appear seconds later.

When you enter the same café that you’ve become a regular customer of, you ask Jin to go and get a table while you get the food and drink. You see him about to protest, but don’t give him the chance. You’re in line before he can even blink.

You try to watch him as subtly as you can while you order and wait for your food. He chose a more secluded spot - a booth in the far corner - but you can still see him. He’s chewing on his lip and playing with his thumbs as he looks out of the window. That seems nervous, but his eyes are wide and warm, his back is straight. Looking at that, you have to conclude that he’s not nervous. He’s just tense.

When you sit down, you see him let out a shaky breath, a small smile lighting face up just a tiny bit. Just a tiny bit, but enough to make you have to look down, hiding the smile trying to fight its way onto your face. You cross your legs as you take a sip of your coffee, but then Seokjin decides to speak,

“Do you find me attractive?” Seokjin asks, and you choke on your drink. You see him hiding a laugh behind his hand as you grab a napkin to wipe your chin, trying not to laugh at yourself. You’d always thought of yourself as a very collected woman, but Seokjin doesn’t seem to care at all. He just presses on, “So is that a yes?” He probes, and you can feel a blush creeping up your neck. Seokjin is a very attractive man, that’s undeniable. It’s just not appropriate to say so. But he keeps going on, and you notice that he really does have impeccable patience,

“Yes, okay, fine! I do, just shut up,” You rush, eyes flickering down to your lunch as you try to hide from his delighted eyes. Seokjin’s lips curl up at the sides into a sweet smile and you try to calm your breathing while Seokjin takes a bit of his food. A few minutes pass in vaguely awkward silence before Seokjin speaks again,

“Then, am I a bad person?” He asks, and you quickly catch on to where Seokjin’s going with this. You shake your head simply, not wanting to satisfy him with a verbal answer. He’s clearly trying to back you into a corner, and you can’t avoid that by any measure. He’s a great business man, so he quite literally does things like this for a living. It’s what you pay him for, “Do you hate me, by any chance?” He probes further, and you decide you’ve had enough,

“Is this going somewhere, Mr Kim?” You fire back. You wouldn’t have invited him out if you’d known you’d be facing the Spanish Inquisition. But in true Seokjin style, he simply rolls his eyes and reminds you that his name is Jin, “That doesn’t change my question,” You reply, crossing your legs under the table in an attempt to compose yourself into your usual business-like self. Seokjin pulls his face into something that resembles exasperation, but you know that glint in his eyes,

“Why won’t you give me a chance?” And there it is. You knew the question was coming soon, so you’d already prepared your answer. Admittedly, it doesn’t roll off your tongue in the way you’d like, but you were actually pleasantly surprised by the fact that you remembered quite so much,

“Under Rule 37, Section G, it states that two workers may not enter into sexual relations with one another under any and all circumstances. Failure to comply may result in a probationary period followed by the relievance of duty or demotion. I want neither of those,” You tell him, and Seokjin raises one of his eyebrows,

“Impressive, but I raise two issues with that. I’m not asking you to have sex with me, and you invited me to lunch today. I don’t think you care as much as you make out to,” Seokjin counters, and you bite your lip in consideration. You had assumed that this courting or whatever it was is Seokjin’s way of getting close to you for a few nights and then leaving. You’d previously judged him as the kind to disregard his necklace entirely, but perhaps you judged him wrong,

“I’m confused,” You mutter, eyes darting down towards your coffee. You wonder for a moment if Seokjin even heard what you said, but then he nods, signalling that he understands that. He’s confused too, “So, yes. I did invite you out for lunch, no you are not asking to have sex with me, but I do care about the rules as much as I make out to. It’s just that I wonder if maybe there could be something more important than the rules,” You continue, voice barely a whisper,

“I’ve never really cared much about rules,” Seokjin sighs, and you raise an eyebrow ironically. You know that all too well, “But I can see that you do, and that’s okay. We’re kind of like Yin and Yang, right?” He probes nervously, and you very nearly laugh, although you do settle for a small smile,

“Yes, if you agree that you’re Yin and I’m Yang,” There you go joking again! It’s no surprise that you’ve never got anywhere with personal relationships before. You’re basically emotionally constipated, never able to be truthful about how you feel. You must be giving Seokjin whiplash,

“Fine, if you agree to let me take you to dinner,” You shake your head in disbelief. Maybe you’re inconsistent with your attitude, but so is he! Half shy, half confident, neither of you know where you stand with the other and that’s exactly the problem with the both of you. If you could communicate more, you’d get somewhere. The thing is, you’re too busy worrying about being proper, and Seokjin’s too busy worrying about being confident, “Sorry, was I too forward again?” Seokjin sighs, sensing your hesitation. You bite your lip as you quickly mull things over. Seokjin’s trying to reign in that façade of confidence, so maybe you can reign in your whole ‘severe’ vibe,

“I’ll agree to dinner, but I won’t drink. We can meet as friends at most, but nothing more. Let’s take this easy,” You suggest, and you’re rewarded with Seokjin’s beautiful smile. The both of you know that you share a necklace, and it’s pretty much either each other or nobody, but you’re right. This is love, you’re dealing with. It can’t be forced, regardless of what these necklaces imply.

As you get dressed for dinner a few days later, you sigh a little out of nerves. He’d persuaded you to come over to his house, and for whatever reason, you conceded. After all, what better way to get to know a man that see how he lives?

You realise that Seokjin couldn’t have been more right about the two of you being Yin and Yang as you, though. If you’re the pure white Yang, then it’s Seokjin’s Yin that’s managed to help you do this. You’re dressing casually, in simple jeans and a t-shirt. Appropriate for a casual dinner, and it even shows off your choker. You haven’t done that in a long time, and you note it down to the appearance of Yin in your Yang.

On the other hand, Seokjin’s seeing a little Yang in his Yin. He loves to break the rules - many people would label him as chaotic - but for you, he wants to stick to them. There’s no wine in sight as he prepares dinner, and he’s not wearing anything provocative. Sure, his jeans aren’t loose, but they’re normal for what one would see on the streets. He notes it to the appearance of Yang in his Yin.

Regardless of any Yin and Yang metaphors, you’re still nervous when you pull up into the driveway of Seokjin’s home. You tug needlessly at what you’re wearing, trying to fix it even though there’s nothing wrong with it. You look nice, you’re just nervous. It’s like nervousness is a default setting when you’re around Seokjin.

You somehow manage to make yourself knock on the door to Seokjin’s (beautiful) house, and you hear a muffled bang from behind the door before it’s opened. He looks very composed and collected, but you can see his eyes. He’s anything but calm. His hair is parted neatly down the middle, but you recognise the tell-tale signs of messiness caused by him running his fingers through it and then hurriedly patting it down. He’s breathing just a little bit too quickly, and a light blush kisses his cheeks. He’s nervous too,

“You came,” He smiles - he doesn’t smirk, doesn’t act like he knew you would. He looks genuinely happy (and dare you say, surprised), “Come in! I tidied up as best I could, but please excuse any mess,” Seokjin says, stepping aside so you can come in. His eyes graze down your body respectfully, not hungrily or as if he’s expecting something from you, but in a way that fills you with confidence, confirming that you do definitely look good,

“This place is beautiful,” You say quietly as you kick off your shoes. It’s a proper house - one bedroom, you assume - with a driveway and stairs and everything. It’s well-lit and modern and pretty much exactly what you’d expect of Seokjin. There’s ‘things’ everywhere, too - photos of his family and friends, little souvenirs from seaside trips and it’s quite sweet. He’s a sentimental man at heart, you see,

“You can just put that down, I’ll be hiding that for the rest of my life,” Seokjin suddenly breathes, snatching the Mario statue that you’d picked up. You laugh loudly and Seokjin blushes furiously, shoving it into a drawer and hiding it. You’re starting see a new side of Seokjin. He’s hiding something behind all of that confidence, and he’s actually really cute. He’s a dork, and that’s more attractive on him that you thought it would be.

Seokjin feels butterflies in his tummy, and he doesn’t know what to do about that. They scare him quite badly, if he’s being honest, but then he sees your smile as you see what he’s set up in the kitchen, and he becomes sure that it’s worth it. Yes, he’s scared, because giving his heart to someone is a dangerous thing, as he found out in the past, but if he had to trade the pain you could cause him to see you give him that smile, maybe that’s okay,

“Why are you such a good cook?” You mutter bitterly as you stab at the pasta dish in front of you. When Seokjin told you that he’d made everything from scratch, you’d been prepared to be disappointed. Most guys who said they could cook meant that they’d successfully heated up some soup once, but Seokjin really meant it! “Seriously, who allowed me to go all of my life without tasting something this amazing,” You sigh, smiling to yourself at the shy blush that spreads up Seokjin’s neck again. You’re not sure which suits him more - shyness or confidence.

You get to know each other over dinner in a way that you hadn’t in the lunch not-dates you’ve had before. You know some shallow things about him, but this is difference. You’re sat opposite other (under the guise of friendship) with some good food between you and it’s different. You open up about your genuine passions and desires and Seokjin shares some more about his family life,

“Your mother again?” You say teasingly when Seokjin checks his phone. It’s been buzzing on and off for a few minutes, and his face paled when he eventually gave in and looked at it. It. Takes a few moments for Seokjin to snap back to the real world, but nods jerkily when he does. He gives you a shaky smile and takes a gulp of his water before replying,

“Bane of my life sometimes, but what can I do?” He admits, and you laugh in agreement, standing up to collect the plates and take them to the sink, “What are you doing?” Seokjin demands, looking at you curiously as he brings the glasses to the sink with you,

“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m washing up our plates. I’d feel bad if you cooked such a good meal and then had to clean up after yourself. You cook, I clean. It’s only fair,” You say, exerting the kind of authority Seokjin has only ever seen in meetings. You leave no room for arguments as you run the hot water, smirking at his lost expression,

“But you’re the guest,” He protests, and you feel that you’ve been here before, but in different positions. Seokjin insisting on you using his nickname, or on wearing tight pants to work, and you trying to think of a good reason why he shouldn’t other than protocol. You smirk and grab a tea towel from the side,

“You can dry the dishes if that helps you feel less rude,” You console, throwing the cloth at him playfully Seokjin catches it with ease and shakes his head in disbelief. He could get used to this side of you,

“I bet I can dry faster than you can wash,” He states simply, raising an eyebrow as he baits you into a challenge. You scoff, grabbing a plate with a smirk and accepting his challenge without another word.

You let loose for the first time in too long, forgetting about all of your inhibitions and letting yourself just live in this moment with Jin, laughing and smiling and not worrying about the morning or what he thinks of you or anything like that. You let yourself be happy, getting water everywhere and not caring that you’ll be helping to mop up the bubbles on the floor in a few minutes,

“Oh my God, that was too far. I am so sorry,” Jin utters almost inaudible, rooted to the spot and frozen in place. He’d blown a handful of bubbles at you, sending them everywhere (including your hair), and you’d stopped instantly, giving him your best glare. Jin really worries that he just messed up badly, but then you swipe a hand through the water, covering him in both water and bubbles and he can suddenly breathe again, “How could you? I almost had a heart attack,” He complains, flicking bubbles off his shoulder as he shakes with laughter,

“I knew I was intimidating! Time for you to concede defeat in this battle,” You taunt, gesturing to the fact that you have no dishes left to wash and Seokjin still has a few bits to dry. Yes, he was set up to fail from the beginning, but do you care? No. You just won!

The night comes to an end naturally, and it doesn’t feel awkward when you get ready to leave. You’d enjoyed yourself - that much is clear - but you’re just about ready to go home and overanalyse everything that’s happened while pretending that you’re not. Jin also feels this natural lull in the evening. This would be the perfect time to offer for you to stay the night with him, but he doesn’t really feel the need to. He doesn’t want to mess this up. Going slow is okay. At least it’s going,

“Thank you so much for agreeing to this,” Jin tells you softly as he opens the front door for you. You blush a little, feeling bashful all of a sudden, as you slip on your shoes and step out into the cold night air. Jin comes out behind you, shutting the door, clearly offering to walk you to your car. You don’t protest, tucking your hair behind your ear as you turn to him,

“You don’t need to thank me for having dinner with you. I enjoyed it,” You assure him, feeling your steps become smaller and slower as you get to your car. You don’t really want this night to be over,

“I definitely do,” Jin whispers, so quiet that you’re almost completely sure you weren’t really meant to hear it. The conversation halts naturally like that, and you smile slightly as you reach your car. You look up at Jin and wonder if all of the rule breaking, all of the consequences, all of the fear might just be worth it,

“This was nice. We should do it again,” You suggest, and Jin nods just a little too eagerly, smile genuine and hopeful. You go to get into your car, opening the door and about to duck in when you decide that you’re not quite done yet. You lean up on your toes and press a quick kiss to Jin’s lips, “See you on Monday, Jin!” You say, heart pounding as you duck into your car, hoping that Jin can’t see the stupidly big smile on your face as you put your seatbelt on and drive away.

He does. He also noticed how you called him Jin for once, and he noticed how soft your lips were against his. He also noticed how much he wishes he could kiss you again.

Your relationship blooms from that night. It blooms from that one night and one slightly bold move from you. It remains without a title, but it’s still beautiful. It’s all stolen kisses and lunches together, and you couldn’t be happier. You meet at the weekend to go on dates, and after a while just to curl up together and watch TV. You like the same TV shows anyway, and it’s starting to become so easy to be around Jin. It just feels right.

You haven’t forgotten about the rules in the slightest, though. They’re always sitting there in the back of your brain, muttering quietly since you refuse to listen to them. Why should those rules ruin this wonderful chance at happiness? Because that’s what you have here. When you look at Jin, things just make sense. The rules are backwards, anyway. You’re all given necklaces that point you to your soulmate, but if you meet them at work, what? You’re supposed to ignore it? It’s so messed up, but the corporation doesn’t care about happiness. It cares about money, and workers hooking up and having babies slows that down. You understand that, and respect it. You just don’t like it.

Jin, on the other hand, is getting a little fed up of it, though. You drop his hand anytime someone you know passes, you always want to sit in the secluded corner of the café by the office, and you asked him to stop bringing flowers to your office. Jin hates being nothing more than your dirty little secret, and he wishes that he wasn’t so scared of losing you that he could just say something.

Jin wipes his palms on his trousers as he approaches your office, trying to come up with a polite way of broaching the subject of him being upset that you won’t go public with him. He understands your qualms, and he knows that you’ll be upset with him for saying that he wants to be more than what he is and he knows that it may just ruin everything, but he can’t go on feeling like this. He deserves to have his feelings heard in whatever kind of relationship that the two of you had.

That’s just one of the problems - he still doesn’t even know what the two of you are! It’s been 3 months and you haven’t put a label on the relationship yet. It’s not that Jin desperately needs the validation of one or whatever, it’s just that he’s really falling for you and he wants to be sure that you do feel the same way about him. So he doesn’t need the label he just… needs it. This is exactly why he’s trying to put the sentences he wants to say to you together in his head. He can hardly think right now.

But as fate would have it, apparently it isn’t time to ruin everything just yet. He goes to knock on the door to your office, finally able to start trying to explain how he’s feeling, but you open it at that exact moment. The beautiful smile on your face as you look up at Jin melts his heart and his resolve along with it. The last thing that Jin wants is to lose that smile even for a second. The moment he loses that, he’ll also lose the chance of happiness with you.

So instead, he changes his plan,

“I’m here to take you to lunch. You work too hard,” Jin says without missing a beat, offering a gentlemanly arm for you to take. You look at it longingly, but shake your head, reminding him that you can’t be seen together like that. And the spell is broken immediately. Jin suddenly remembers why he’s really outside your office, shaking his head as he laughs at himself. Why is he so weak for you?

The atmosphere is barely above frosty as you walk down to the café you’ve been frequenting, and you take your normal seat while Jin goes off to grab the food. For once, you don’t protest about splitting the bill. You’re too preoccupied, allowing your thoughts to wander as he joins the long line characteristic of the lunch time rush.

It’s no secret to you that Jin is better for you than you thought - you accepted long ago that your first judgement of him was wrong. It seems almost unimaginable that you were horrified to be sharing a necklace with him. Now you can see that this is exactly the kind of love that you were always dreaming of. Jin’s moving at a snail’s pace for you, and he’s not forcing you to go public before you’re ready to. He buys you lunch most days, and he always remembers how you like your coffee. He gives amazing hugs and when you curl up on the couch with him, he always makes sure to pull the blanket right over your shoulders. He doesn’t even protest when you want to watch bad romance films.

But of course, like in one of those bad romance films, that perfect image of a perfect love is shattered just as Jin sets the tray of food and hot drinks down on your table,

“Kim Seokjin! What in the name of fuck do you think you are doing?” Comes the shrill voice of a tall, slim woman, with a furious look on her face. She storms over, heels clicking in the silence that her shout left in the once bubbling café, “Don’t tell me you’re out with this bitch again? I let it slip the first few times, hoping you would get whatever this is out of your system!” She shrieks, reaching your table and placing a perfectly manicured hand on her waist. Her back is to you, her eyes glaring down at the horrified man sat across from you, “Here I am, waiting patiently for my boyfriend to come home, and you’re out with this whore!” It feels like the floor falls out from underneath you, and the world starts to spin. Seokjin already has a girlfriend.

You stumble back into your office, tears streaming down your cheeks, ignoring the calls of your assistant as you slam you door behind you. You know you’re acting like a petulant child but you don’t care. How could you care about anything right now? You were really starting to fall for Seokjin, thinking you may genuinely love him, and now it’s all come crashing down.

You’ve heard the stories about people finding love with a different necklace, but then there’s the side stories that come with it. The two people each half of the couple left are stuck with a ruined love, because they would no longer have a soulmate to call their own. It’s beginning to sink in that you’re one of those people.

That’s why you allow your walls to fall down for the time being. You cry hard, your body wracking as you accept that your life will never have colour. It will always be as boring and as repetitive as it always has been. Seokjin can’t save you from that, because he already has someone that does that for him. You’re about to cut the damn necklace from your body when you hear a knock at the door, making you jump out of your seat. You grab frantically for a tissue to run under your eyes, mopping up the running mascara as best you can. It’s lucky that you don’t have any important meetings scheduled for today - it’s more of a paperwork and email kind of day - because you must look worse than broken,

“Come in,” You call, trying to sound confident and assured, but knowing anyone who’d spoken to you more than twice would hear the give away quiver in your voice. There’s a slight pause before the door to your office is pushed open, revealing to you Seokjin, who looks as broken as you feel, “I take it back. Get out or I swear to God I will call security,” You threaten, voice wavering less as anger courses through veins. It replaces the sadness and humiliation you feel, protecting you for the time being. Seokjin’s eyes, his beautifully warm eyes, are bloodshot from unshed tears, and his hair is ruffled and out of place. He’s panting and he can’t hold eye contact with you for more than a few seconds before having to tear his eyes away,

“Please just let me explain. I swear to you that if you hear me out it will make sense, but please. Y/N, love, I can’t lose you,” Seokjin pleads, and you try not to flinch at the sound of his pet name for you. It’s become more common in his vocabulary as of late, almost as if he’s hinting at something. Not that you care now (well, you do, he’s your soulmate, no matter how much you hate him right now) about any of that. You scoff, rolling your eyes dismissively as you reach for your phone, ready to call security to deal with Seokjin. Your finger is hovering over the speed dial button when you’re interrupted by the sound of someone awkwardly clearing their throat from the doorway. It’s your assistant, a panic-stricken look marring her usually soft features,

“It’s Mr Price, miss. He’s here,” She informs you, voice barely above a whisper, and for good reason too. Your stomach seems to drop even lower as the landline falls from your hand. Mr Price is the CEO of your company, and even though he works from this very building 6 days a week (from the top floor, of course, someone as high up as him is obviously too good to bother with a lower floor) nobody ever really sees him. Funnily enough, nobody has ever complained.

Mr Price is a large pig of a man, with an arrogant voice and a sneer permanently plastered on his face. He takes pleasure in making his workers squirm and cry, and you don’t doubt that there isn’t a single person who wouldn’t give him exactly what he wanted simply to make him leave. He’s been through 14 personal assistants in the last year alone. Essentially, if he comes to see you, it’s very bad news,

“Ah, Miss Y/L/N! Wish I could say it was a pleasure to see you,” He drawls, barging past your assistant, who mouths a sincere apology to you before ducking out of the room. You can’t blame her for making a quick getaway. If you could do the same, you’d do just that, “And Mr Kim, too. Not a surprise, but that’s good. I won’t have to make two trips today,” He sneers, sending shivers down your spine. He’s been in the room all of 10 seconds and his disgusting vibe is filling the room effortlessly. You once thought CEOs would have to have social skills and a nice smile, but clearly Mr Price has never found the need for either of those things, “I am so sorry to hear about what happened in the café at lunchtime. Very humiliating,” Mr Price says with mock sympathy, sitting himself down your desk with the aura of a man who’s been handed everything on a silver platter, “I’m sure you know why I’m here. Not only did your little fling cause a scene, it’s very much against the rules. You were a hard worker, Y/L/N, but you’re not irreplaceable. You’re fired, effective immediately, due to a breach of contract. Relationships between colleagues are strictly forbidden under any and all circumstances. Collect your belongings and leave the building in the next 20 minutes,”

You’re reeling as you stand up, steadying yourself with a hand on your desk. You robotically reach for the few personal items you keep on your desk while trying not to let your hands shake too hard. This was your dream job. You worked so hard to get to where you are, only for Seokjin to come and tear that all down! He didn’t even think twice about it. You told him this would happen. You told Seokjin it was against the rules!

But you did it anyway. You kissed him and went on dates with him, and even though it hurts for more than a few reasons, a small part of you can’t help but wonder if maybe it was all worth it, if just for the splash of colour Seokjin threw into your life while he was still in it,

“You can’t fire her!” Seokjin shouts, enraged. It’s not fair for this to happen to you. You were always so careful, so composed, so hard working, and this is what you get for it? That doesn’t sit right with your once-soulmate one tiny bit, “If she’s fired then I quit,” He spits, voice smug as if he really thinks he did something. You pull your coat on as you shake your head. Seokjin’s a child, really. He doesn’t understand the real world just yet, you think to yourself,

“Mr Kim, you are not irreplaceable either. I was going to fire you next anyway. Not only do you disobey our very simple dress code, you also engaged in a relationship with Miss Y/L/N here. Go and pack away your desk,” Mr Price demands dismissively, a sick smirk on his face. If your heart wasn’t breaking with every second you spent looking at Seokjin, you’d tell him that you told him so. About the dress code and the rule breaking.

You hit play on the first movie you see on Netflix, knowing you’re not really going to be paying attention to it anyway. You hold a glass of wine in your hand as you curl into yourself on the couch, the bottle on the coffee table in front you, ready to be used to drown your sorrows. You’re barely even begun to process what’s happened today, but you’ve processed enough to know that none of it was good.

First of all, you found out that Seokjin has a girlfriend, which would have been enough to ruin your day anyway. Then you get fired because you and Seokjin were found out by the company. You weren’t even really with him! That’s the real kicker here, because you never even got the chance to have a label with Seokjin, and now you never will. That title is taken by someone else, even though you know it should be yours. Seokjin is meant to be yours, not hers! You share a necklace, she has no right being with him, but does she care about that? Does Seokjin?

Your eyes glaze over as you continue to stare at the movie, taking the occasional sip from your glass of wine. That’s not even helping much. It tastes like stale water, and you can’t believe a guy like Seokjin has got you feeling like this. It’s not like you at all, but then again… he is your soulmate.

You can’t remember what’s going on at this point in the film (someone is crying, but you don’t know why) but you’re still so absorbed in your own thoughts and woes that you don’t even hear the knock on the door. It doesn’t even register in your mind until a pleading voice accompanies a follow up. It’s a voice that you’ve become all too familiar with, and it jars you out of your own head long enough to pay attention to it,

“Please Y/N, open the door. Just let me talk to you. I swear to God that I can explain everything. I was going to say it back at the office because I didn’t want to leave you thinking about it for too long. You must be thinking the worst things about me, but I promise that I can tell you the truth,” Seokjin pleads. For a few moments, you let his voice wash over you, and you were going to ignore it. But then, as if the anger surged out of nowhere, you all but leap out of your seat and storm up to the door, wrenching it open and standing up to your full height.

Seokjin had been thankful when he heard movement form inside your house, thinking he would get his chance to explain, but then he actually saw you. Your hair was blown behind your shoulders form the force with which you opened the door, tear tracks stain your face and your eyes are bloodshot and swollen. You’re not crying right now, though. You look like the very personification of rage and anguish,

“Fuck you, Seokjin,” You spit, not giving him the chance to speak, “You lost me my job and you ruined my only chance at happiness while you were at it. How dare you try and take things slow with me, playing with my feelings when you had some other woman waiting for you to come back into her arms. I can’t believe our damn necklaces paired us together, because we are so far from soulmates,” You hiss, starting to shake as all the emotion bubble out of you,

“Please just hear me out-”

“No. I am so done talking. Get the fuck off of my doorstep,” You seethe. How dare Seokjin continue, even now, to persuade you that he’s anything other than bad news,

“I’m not leaving until you listen to me,” He threatens weakly, shoulders sagging as he comes to terms with the fact that he’s losing this battle,

“Then freeze out there, I don’t care!” You slam the door before Seokjin can so much as blink. The sound of the slam rings in your ears for a few moments before you break down again. You can’t help it, can’t stop your shoulders shaking as you cover your mouth with your hand to muffle your cries as you sink to the floor, leaning against the door for support. You need to come to terms with the fact that you will never fall in love. It doesn’t matter that you were starting to with Seokjin, because he’s chosen someone else. How are you meant to start that kind of love with someone else? You have no necklace to guide you. You just have to accept that you will never have someone to change your mundane life and fill it with colour. Maybe you were just never meant to have that,

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Seokjin says from the other side of the door. He’s leaning against it, breathing shakily into the cold night air to try and keep himself composed. He doesn’t know if you’re still there or if you’ve really turned your back on him. He couldn’t blame you even if you had. He can’t even begin to imagine how this must look to you, “Well, not anymore,” He sighs, “I was desperate. A few years ago my grandmother made a comment to me asking if she’d ever get to meet her great grandchildren. She asked why I even had a necklace if I wasn’t actively searching for my soulmate. You’re not supposed to search for them, I told her, but she scoffed at that. She never believed that the necklace would draw someone into your life by chance, that it was down to you to search for them and find them. I stewed on that for weeks, and then I broke. I posted a picture of my necklace online and waited for a response. I got one a few days later.

“She was a childhood sweetheart of sorts. We dated as teenagers, before we got our necklaces. I broke up with her on her 15th birthday because hers wasn’t the same as mine. She seemed pretty upset over it but I didn’t see anything wrong with it. We simply weren’t meant to be. She told me over text when we got back in contact that in the following weeks, after we’d stopped talking, the authorities had shown up at her door explaining there had been a mix up, and she’d been presented with the wrong one. They had come to give her the real necklace she was meant to have. She explained that she didn’t know it was the same as mine at the time, but when she saw my post, she knew. I got a picture of the necklace she’d been given as the replacement, and it was the same as mine.

“I know now that I shouldn’t have broken down like that and caved in. I should have trusted that the right person would walk into my life like they’re supposed to, but like I said, I was desperate. I’ve read hundreds of horror stories like mine since then, and realised I shouldn’t have done it. It turns out she’d managed to have a necklace identical to mind made so that she could get me back. I didn’t even question it once. Nobody’s ever been given the wrong necklace before. It just doesn’t happen, but I accepted it anyway. I went with it. I found out shortly after we moved in together. Of course, since she did technically have a necklace to wear, she didn’t have to wear hers, but she still kept it. I found it in her bedside table one night when I was looking for my charger. I left that same day.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t believe me. I know it sounds made up,” Seokjin sighs. Throat dry at how much talking he’s done, “I don’t even know if you’re still listening to me, but I don’t care. I’m falling in love with you and I am not giving up on my chance at happiness. I’ll stay here all night if I have to,”

“Why did she turn up at the café?” You ask, voice croaky and thick with tears. You’re not sure if you’re happy or annoyed at Seokjin’s promise to stay there all night. Either way, the statement shocked you into speaking. On the other side of the door, Seokjin’s heart skips a beat at the sound of your voice, although it also shatters a little at how broken you sound. He hates that he’s responsible for that. He crouches down to where he heard your voice from, resting his forehead against it as he speaks,

“She’s not well, Y/N. She’s got a lot of problems, and she’s been stalking me for a while now. Texting non-stop, turning up on my doorstep, all of it. I tried not to let you know because I didn’t want you to hurt. You shouldn’t ever have to hurt,” Seokjin explains, shaking his head at how pathetic he must sound. He should have been honest from the start,

“When you said it was your mother…” You start, unable to finish your sentence properly. You wipe under your eyes roughly and sniff loudly. You hate it when you cry, because you can’t breathe all that well. That’s enough tears for now, you tell yourself firmly, hoping you’ll listen to your own advice,

“It was her,” Seokjin murmurs, ashamed of his own answer, “It was dishonest, and I have no excuse for that. I know it’s no consolation, but I was going to come clean at some point. It’s just that I hoped by ignoring her, never answering her texts or opening the door to her, she’d go away. That’s what you’re supposed to do with stalkers, but I never knew she’d take it this far. She had to ruin this like she’s ruined everything. She ruined your life as well as the one thing I want above all else,” You wait with bated breath for Seokjin to continue, “You,” And you know you shouldn’t open the door, but for God’s sake, you’re falling in love with him!

“Swear to me you’re telling the truth,” You demand, pulling the door open. Only this time, you’re not the picture of anger. You’re shaking and blinking too fast to keep the tears at bay, but you don’t look angry. You look like a painful mix of hopeful of hopeless. You’re beautiful, and Seokjin stands up with shaky knees. He always knew you had a serious effect on him, but now it’s manifesting physically. He grabs the side of your door to steady himself,

“I swear to you that I am telling you the truth. The whole truth. No more secrets. Not now, not ever,” He breathes, and the tension crackling between you seems to turn into something a little different,

“Jin, I’m scared,” You whisper, taking a step forward just to be closer to him. Something in you needs to be, and that’s what scaring you. You can’t ignore how badly you need him, on a raw level. More than spiritual, more than emotional. You need Seokjin, and in light of what he’s told you, maybe you can put things aside and work on it. God, this needs work, but you really want to work for it. For him,

“Don’t be scared. I promise to never hurt you again,” He replies, bringing a hand up to cup your face. His eyes are wide and reflect your scared expression in them. He couldn’t drop your eye contact even if he tried, and he feels exactly what you do. That tugging in his heart that makes him want to give and give and give everything he has until you own him completely. He’s never wanted someone in this way, and he knows now that he doesn’t need this necklace to tell him how he feels. He would know anyway, “I love you,”

“Fuck, I love you too,” You all but whine, jerking forward to press your lips to his. Immediately, it’s unlike any kiss you’ve shared before. Seokjin groans into your mouth, moving his free hand down to your waist, gripping you firmly as he pulls you right into his chest, pressing the two of you so close together that you can feel two heartbeats in your chest. It’s overwhelming, but you let the feeling wash over you and you lose yourself in it. You lose yourself to Seokjin, letting his lips guide yours as you twist your hands into his hair, tugging on it gently because you want to be closer still.

He pulls away first, and the two of you are panting as you take a few moments to simply look at each other. Your hands rest on his chest, curled into loose fists in his shirt so that you can stay standing. You’ve never been kissed like that before, but you already know that you’re craving more. You need more of Seokjin, and with some effort from both of you, you’re sure he’ll give you that,

“So, what do we do now?” You ask shyly. Seokjin smiles down at you with a euphoric expression, tucking your hair behind your ear slowly as he thinks,

“It’s up to you. I’d like to spend the next two and a half lifetimes making this up to you, so if you’ll allow me to, I’ll make us dinner and we can cuddle. I can also go home and leave you to have some space, though, if that’s what you want. Today has been a lot, and if you need some time to come to terms with everything, I’ll give you as much as you need,” You lean forward to rest your head on his chest, eyes closing as you listen to the sound of his heartbeat. Erratic, just like him. The thought makes you smile, since you know that Seokjin has two sides. He has the fun-loving, erratic, carefree side, and he has the calm, mature and forgiving side. You’re not sure which one you prefer, but you have some time to figure that out now that the sight of his face doesn’t twist your stomach with hurt and fear,

“Stay the night. Making me dinner and watching bad chick flicks with me will make it better,” You tease, and Seokjin’s chest rumbles with laughter in response. Yes, you did lose your job today. Yes, you nearly lost Seokjin today. Yes, today was the worst you’ve had in a long time, but maybe that’s okay. All of that was simply the end of a chapter. You take Seokjin’s hand in yours and lead him inside, knowing that you now get to start a new one with him, and God are you excited for it.

“Seokjin! Seokjin, not there, I won’t be able to unpack it if it’s down here. Could you just take it up to the bedroom? It saves you making the trip later,” You instruct, setting down the lighter box of your own. Seokjin snorts, leaving the box where he put it on the table and making his way over to you,

“Love, you don’t need to worry so hard. Let’s just load everything out of the van before the driver gets too annoyed with us, and we’ll go from there. Does that sound okay?” He asks, wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you into his chest. That confident smirk makes it’s way onto his face, and you hum in disapproval, “Now kiss me before I get moody,” He demands, and you roll your eyes before obliging, wrapping your arms around his neck to kiss him, lips moving lazily against each other’s. You’ve yet to figure out what kind of kiss is your favourite. The ones on a Sunday morning and Seokjin rolls on top of you, the ones when you’ve just gotten in from a long day and Seokjin senses your irritation, the ones when you’re both feeling needy, or the ones like this. An unhurried, leisurely pace as you fall in love all over again. All of them leave you breathless,

“I’ll be moody if you make me move that damn box upstairs later. Let’s go and get the rest of our stuff. I think the driver actually does hate us,” You tease. The driver of the moving van is a grumpy old trucker, who wouldn’t talk to you on the way over, simply grunting at Seokjin when he needed to. Not that you care all that much - nothing will ruin today for you, and that’s a promise.

There was a bit of an argument about whether you’d move in with Seokjin, or if he’d move in with you, but you ultimately reached a compromise. The two of you have been getting really good at that lately, letting go of your own pride in order to reach a decision with each other. It’s beautiful to be a part of, so when you’d finally suggested just getting a new place to move into - a bigger one, too - Seokjin had agreed gladly. That was 6 months ago, and today you’ve finally moving into your home together. It’s a beautiful, open plan, two bedroom dream, with a fireplace and a nice garden. Of course, there are some issues. The windows will need replacing, the chimney hasn’t been swept in years, a few walls will probably need to be rebuilt, the kitchen could use some work, the bathroom will probably need replacing altogether and the garden hasn’t been cared for in way too long (and many more things) but that’s part of it’s charm. And why you could afford it. It was cheap for what it is, considering the list of jobs needed to make it what you want, but that’s okay.

It’ll be your little project with Seokjin.

The two of you continue lifting boxes from the van to the house, starting to sweat a little under the midday sun, but neither of you care. You worked so hard to get this together, and neither of you would trade it for anything.

After the both of you lost your jobs, it was hard. You doubted whether your relationship would withstand it, but it did. You found an amazing opportunity, and Seokjin picked up teaching. He’s amazing at it, and you have to admit that you doubted him at first, given his hatred for rules, but he’s fantastic. He’s also a fan-favourite in the mum gossip groups, but you try not to mind too much. You know you’re the one who gets to take off that suit jacket at the end of the day anyway.

Your opportunity started a few weeks after you got fired. A small fashion company were looking for an experienced leader to guide them into something more than what they were, and you perfect for the job! It was similar to what you were doing before anyway, and you shone. They were a little more laid back than it was under Mr Price, and Seokjin hasn’t failed to notice that on most days you work, you don’t try to hide your choker. You’re proud to have it, because it ties you to the man you love most, and the company seems to love it because of your image - strong and confident, but still feminine and human. The company is doing well under your watchful eye, and even in just the 8 months that you’ve been with them, you’re starting to rival some of the other clothing companies that are big in your country. Mr Price is next on your hit list,

“So, this is it,” Seokjin breathes, hands on his hips as he looks around your new home, “This is all ours,” You smile, stretching your arms out with a groan,

“How about we break in the bed?” You tease, and Seokjin thinks you’re joking until he sees the look in your eyes. He smirks as he grabs your hips, pulling your body flush against his. He runs his tongue over his bottom lip hungrily,

“You’re insatiable,” He tells you, leaning down to press his lips to yours, gentle at first before getting too eager and having to deepen it, “I love it,”

Mr Price,

I am emailing you today in the hope that it will reach you in ill health. That’s right, I hope you have really bad diarrhoea. I am also emailing to inform you that you are a very sad sack of human parts that must not have a necklace because you’re so revolting. Yes, you did fire me and Y/N three years ago - three years ago yesterday, to be precise - but since then we’ve grown both as a couple and as people.

We’re now living together, and we’re about to get married. Funnily enough, firing us for being together (which we actually weren’t at the time) did wonders for our lives. Do you know what the best part of all of this is? Your company is about to go bankrupt because the love of my life is heading up your newest, fastest-growing, scariest rival. That’s right Pricey boy - suck it!

None of my love,

Kim Seokjin, fiancé to the CEO of your worst nightmare and best rival

P.S. If you try and sue me for this then not only will my future wife’s impressive legal team (and PR team) ruin you, I might just let slip to the authorities that your little company doesn’t make any exceptions to the relationship policy for necklaces. How do you think our boys in drab grey uniform would like that revelation?

[naramdil]

Hi 💗 i really love your style and the kind of aura you give out mA can I ask how you got your personal style and what type of styles or looks/themes etc you have gone with and now like and where do you get inspo from? I’m so tired of looking like a slob I want to start putting an effort and I honestly don’t know where to start. Sending you positive vibes

aw, thank you I appreciate you❣️honestly I grew up with a mother that always made sure I had desi clothes to wear, and I never gave it much thought but growing up we’ve always enjoyed putting outfits together and like with 3 piece suits we always mix and match from other suits etc. or like the way we used to upcycle older style pieces into newer style pieces by making them shorter or longer or adding different embellishments to them or like we always used to take my moms old dupattas to our tailor and make them into kurtas?? idk, lots of things like that made me always think outside of the box in regards to clothing. also I used to wear so genuinely ugly clothing in middle school and high school but that trial and error went into developing my sense of style as well esp when determining like what kind of pieces should go together or what materials to avoid etc? and honestly I don’t think I have a set style, the things I’m drawn to are always evolving so I can’t say I have one single process to putting outfits/looks together bc sometimes it’s inspired by one single piece that I wanna wear and sometimes it’s more about emulating a certain look or feeling. 

in regards to ‘every day’ style though I think it’s important to find what you are comfortable in and then finding pieces that you can mix and match into multiple looks or accessories various ways and change up, but that still keeps your style consistent. example: straight cut pants with any sleeve length button down shirts with collars. there are an infinite number of ways to wear that outfit and make it personal to you, it just depends what colors and textures you’re drawn to, what kind of accessories you like, do you like leaving the buttons open and wearing a lace cami? do you like wearing a vest or leather jacket over the top? do you like wearing it with pumps or sneakers? high tops or low? all of these decisions will make an outfit that is conceptually simple, more personal to who you are and therefore make it more interesting. I think the most important thing is that it has to be something that you feel comfortable in and that is easy intuitive for you to put together, bc that will affect how you carry yourself and that’s the most important thing. 

[alittlesliceofcucumber]

A Vision Of A Wedding

Title: A Vision Of A Wedding For: Katie @whynotcallitvanda Rating: G Word Count: 4,331 Warnings: None Summary: Wedding planning isn't as easy as it seems, as Wanda and Vision found out. A story about the events leading up to their big day.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16048253 Fanfiction.net Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13071034/1/

Message for recipient: Hi! I had a lot of fun writing this, and I hope that you enjoy it! It’s set as if the events of Infinity War never happened, and (realistically) in 2020 but it can be imagined as happening whenever you like. 

Made for the Scarlet Vision Exchange 2018!

A Vision Of A Wedding

It was a beautiful Hungarian summer sunrise.

The sky was layered pink and red, like streaks of paint on a canvas. The sun was emerging from behind the tall trees and shining between the leaves, illuminating the grand, floral arch and the tall figure who stood in front of it.

Vision was nervous to say the least. Not only was he about to marry the woman of his dreams, yet there was an unspoken tension in the gardens.

But their friends were all gathered here for their wedding and nothing else.

“Psst, Vizh! Stop messing with your tie!”

Vision swiftly spun around to face the table where Tony Stark was seated. He had, in fact, been fiddling with his tie for a while now. He wanted it to be proportioned perfectly, and since Wanda had insisted on him wearing a physical suit rather than one he’d phased himself, he found himself constantly adjusting it.

He then turned towards Thor who gave him an encouraging wink and a thumbs up. Although he looked very out of place in his large suit, there was hardly any other competition for the role of best man. In Vision’s eyes, Thor truly was the best man.

Next to catch his gaze was Steve. It was lucky that the super soldier was able to perform weddings; a skill he had been given back in his day. He was glancing at his watch. Steve was eager for the ceremony to take place the around dawn so that he didn’t draw too much attention to himself and his team.

The seating plan was arranged well. Vision and his fiancé had spent hours organising it together, hoping to avoid as much conflict as possible.

Sitting around the table closest to the altar were Tony and Pepper Stark, Bruce Banner, James Rhodes and Peter Parker. Vision believed that they were all somewhat family to him, and insisted that they sat together.

Next was Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes, with three places that were reserved for Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanoff and Clint Barton. Wanda thought that these people would feel most comfortable with each other. With the one exception of Sam and Bucky, but that couldn’t be helped. They hadn't caused a scene just yet.

The remaining tables were filled by Asgardians (whom Thor insisted on bringing along for “educational purposes”) and another alien who appeared to be made of rocks. Vision knew better than to question it.

His fellow Avengers, however, seemed to glance back at one particular Asgardian. He had been informed that he was Thor’s (adopted) brother, Loki. So Vision had done his research and had soon found the reason for everyone’s uneasiness.

And consequently kept an eye on him too.

The sun had risen quite high when the car finally arrived. It was self-driving, provided by none other than Tony Stark himself.

First to exit was Clint. He looked surprisingly dashing in a suit, something he was presumably used to wearing as a family man. He probably attended many school events for his children and nights out with his...

Vision felt the world around him screech to a halt as Wanda emerged from the car.

She looked absolutely stunning. She wore a loose white dress with scarlet trim which fell down to her ankles. She wore a gold locket encrusted with a circular ruby (one Vision had chosen for her himself). The sleeves of the dress possessed a pink floral print, which Vision recognised as cherry blossom. Her outfit was beautiful whilst also practical, very much like Wanda herself.

She caught his eye, and the pair shared a look of pure joy.

Wanda felt a rush of happiness when she first caught sight of Vision. He wore a fitting suit which contrasted with the colour of his skin. In her eyes, he was the definition of perfection. His mere seemed presence begged her to approach.

As if in a trance, she felt her feet glide towards him. With her arm in Clint’s, she locked eyes with Vision, focusing on nothing but the man she loved. The man she was about to marry.

Once she reached the altar, she smiled at the (obviously quite nervous) Vision.

Upon admiring her once more, he stuttered “Y-you, er, you look…”

“Decent?” She prompted. “Beautiful.” He replied.

She allowed herself a small giggle. “Says the handsome man in front of me.” She said.

He grinned in return, and the pair turned towards Steve, who nodded at their signal to begin.

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the marriage of two people who deserve all the happiness this world has to offer. They were burdened by our mistakes, and I believe I speak for all of us when I say that we were too blind by our own goals to even consider your lives. On behalf of everyone here, I’m sorry.”

“If anyone here knows any reason that these two should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

Wanda looked at the guests anxiously, and was relieved to see only smiling faces.

Steve, too, was smiling. “All in favour for this marriage?”

The “Aye”s weren’t in sync, but they were loud enough to portray their point. Or that may actually have been just Thor.

“Great, in that case, are you two ready?”

“Yes.” The pair replied, without looking away from each other.

“Alright then. Wanda Maximoff, do you take Vision to be your lawfully wedded husband? Will you love and comfort him, through good times and bad, in sickness and in health, and to be faithful to him at all times?”

She didn’t even register the words that tumbled out of her mouth.

“I do.”

Steve then turned to Vision.

“Vision…”

Steve glanced cautiously at Tony, who nodded back at him. The genius was beaming with pride.

“...Stark, do you take Wanda to be your lawfully wedded wife? Will you love and comfort her, through good times and bad, in sickness and in health, and to love and be faithful to her at all times?”

“I do.”

“Now it’s time for the exchanging of vows. Wanda?”

Wanda forced her eyes away from Vision in order to unfold the piece of paper hidden in her sleeve.

“Vision, from the moment I first saw you in that cradle I felt connected to you. At first I thought it was because of the stone in your head, but then I realised it was something more. As I got to know you I felt myself drawn to you. Every day you save the world. But you are my world, Vizh. And I promise to love you for as long as I am alive.”

Suddenly her vision became clouded and she felt the need to bite her bottom lip. Her lover brushed the tears away before they had the chance to fall.

“My darling Wanda.” Vision began, having memorised his vow by heart. “Whenever I used to see my reflection, I saw a servant for humanity. I saw myself bound by duty for this planet. But now, I feel as if I am bound to you. You helped me to accept who I am, and I can only hope I can help you do the same. If I were to look at my reflection now, I would see the luckiest man in the universe. I love you, Wanda.”

The two looked at each other, thinking about how far they had come to reach this point.

It was a very long journey indeed.

9 months earlier...

Paris was known throughout the world for being the city of romance, therefore the sight of lovers walking together on the streets was no spectacle to behold. On that particular evening, however, one couple didn’t quite fit in. To the ordinary eye, they were a normal couple enjoying the sights. But they were so much more.

Two troubled souls desperate to break away from their lives. Desperate to escape the seemingly never-ending conflict in the world. Desperate to be normal.

Wanda Maximoff was burdened with a traumatic past. Her twin brother was murdered by a robot. Her parents were killed by a bomb created by billionaire Tony Stark...

...who also happened to be her boyfriend’s father figure.

It’s funny, how life works its magic like that. If she had been asked if she had any interest in that awkward, purple synthezoid before she gained her powers she would have instantly denied.

But the more she got to know the Vision, the more she slowly felt herself be pulled towards him.

The way he was awed by everyday things. The way he attempted to cook for her. The way he would find activities to do together when she was sad. The way he was ready to sacrifice everything for her in a synthetic heartbeat..

Even then, in his human disguise wearing a casual shirt (which she had handpicked for him) he gazed with wonder at every little nook and cranny of the city. It made Wanda’s heart flutter every time she watched him.

Maybe that was what lead her to her crazy decision.

“Hey Vizh,” she said, dragging him to a corner of the sidewalk.

“Yes, darling?” Vision replied, smiling at Wanda’s enthusiasm.

“Do you know what day it is?” She asked with a cheeky grin.

Vision visibly contemplated the question, assessing whether it was a trick or a joke. It wasn’t everyday that such a trivial question would be asked to a man whose brain was literally made up of the internet.

“Today is Saturday the 29th of February. Leap day.” He answered. Upon seeing Wanda’s mischievous expression, he added “Why do you ask?” with an edge of playful suspicion.

“Do you know what happens today?” “I must admit that I do not. Should I?”

This is it! Thought Wanda, as she carefully planned her next words.

“Traditionally, today is the day that women propose to men. And if the man refuses, he has to buy her 12 pairs of gloves.”

The adorable look of genuine confusion on Vision’s face made Wanda’s heart skip a beat. Her plan was successful thus far.

Without giving him a chance to respond, she fell onto one knee. She felt adrenaline pumping through her veins. It was a pleasant feeling, not unlike her own powers.

Vision looked at her, his face a mixture of messages. She briefly skimmed his mind to try and solve his expression, where she found he was conflicted. He was overjoyed, yet begging her to change her mind. To rethink.

It was not going to happen.

“So Vision, will you marry me?”

“Well, look who finally decided to show up!”

Vision hadn’t even fully entered the lab when he was greeted by Tony. It was almost a routine at this point. Vision would turn off his transponder and Tony wouldn’t inquire about it. Unless there was an emergency, in which case Vision would come back immediately as instructed. That was the unofficial deal between them. Vision was entitled to privacy.

The lab was far messier than it had been when he’d left it. He would often clean up after the scientists when he was in the compound as he had little else to do. Bruce would usually try to keep things organised, but today was an exception.

Judging by the way Tony Stark was frantically typing on his keyboard, Vision could only assume that the pair had made a breakthrough.

“Mr Stark, please may I have a word?” he asked, taking care to phrase the question so that Tony would pick up the hint.

Luckily, he did.

“You’ve had eight, but sure. Bruce, would you give us a minute?”

Dr Banner turned around from where he was working and looked at Tony quizzically, before shrugging and leaving without a word.

“What’s up?” Said Tony, not looking away from his computer screen.

Vision felt his body tremble, but it was in fact as still as ever. This feeling was familiar. Nervousness. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you.” He said

“I’m flattered, but I’m a married man. You’d have to talk it out with Pepper.” Joked Tony. After getting no reaction from Vision, he mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like “tough crowd” and focused back on his work.

“Mr Stark, do you think of me as human?”

Vision watched as Tony tensed and slowly spun on his chair to face him. He was thankful for the sudden absence of the clicking of the keyboard so that they could have a serious conversation.  They looked at each other for a little while, before the man let out a sigh.

“Look, I’m going to be honest with you. No I don’t.” Tony said.

Vision’s limbs suddenly felt very heavy, and the world around him seemed to slow down. Was it anger? No, he would feel the urge to destroy something. It was more like... disappointment.

“But that’s only ‘cause I helped make you. I know your circuits and stuff, and you remind me too much of JARVIS. So no, I don’t think you’re human. Then again, I don’t think Thor’s human either. But he is a person, and so are you, that goes without saying.”

Vision found some comfort in his creator’s words.

Tony spun back towards his computer and resumed typing. It was now or never, Vision decided.

“So if I were to marry Wanda…”

This time, the silence was deafening. Tony froze and Vision braced himself for… something. Anger, shame, guilt- anything that would be directed at him.

Wanda had always mentioned wanting to swap powers so that she could phase out of awkward situations. She would literally let the floor swallow her up. Vision suddenly understood why this would come in useful.

“Say what now?”

The pause had been smaller than he had expected, lasting only a few seconds. “I mean, would you give me your blessing if I were to get married?” Vision repeated, suddenly thinking better of mentioning Wanda straight away.

Tony let out a sound akin to a snicker. Which grew into a chuckle. Which evolved into a laughing fit. He began to laugh so hard that Vision was genuinely worried.

It ended far too quickly.

“Wait- you’re serious?”

Vision, who’s expression hadn’t changed since his declaration, simply nodded.

The billionaire let out a sigh, and slowly rose from his chair to face the synthezoid. He placed a hand on his shoulder (Vision bent his knees ever so slightly) and smiled warmly.

“Bruce owes me $10.” “It was that obvious?” “You’re new to all this. And yeah, it was. Come on, turning off your tracker, coming back in a really good mood... Even Bruce could tell.”

Tony grinned up at Vision. Vision smiled briefly in return before his expression melted into a frown, and he stepped backwards.

“You know that you’re supposed to be happy, right?” Said Tony, quickly growing concerned.

“I don’t know.” “Come on, tell me what you’re thinking.”

Vision stood still and proceeded to look Tony in the eye. He rarely voiced his thoughts to the billionaire, as that role was reserved for Wanda. But there were some things that he simply couldn’t tell her. Some things that could only his creator could understand.

“It feels wrong. It feels wrong to marry her. You’re right, I’m not human and I never will be. She deserves someone she can love fully, someone she can spend her life with- create a family with. I cannot give her that. She will grow old and I will remain as I am. I don’t want her to have to go through that-”

Tony watched in silence as Vision listed numerous reasons why he shouldn’t marry the woman he loved. It was undeniable that all of his points were true and well thought out, but Tony couldn’t tell him that. They worked in a dangerous business, one where every day was a matter of life and death. It had taken him too long to propose to Pepper Potts, and he was not going to let the Vision make the same mistake.

“If you had this many doubts, then why did you propose to this girl in the first place?” He asked.

“...Actually it was Wanda who proposed to me.”

Tony snorted. He then sighed and outstretched his arms for a hug. Vision had only ever been offered a hug by Wanda, so he awkwardly shuffled into the genius’s arms. Their small embrace seemed to settle his doubts. He should have pulled away sooner, yet somehow he was satiated. Relieved. Soothed.

“You’ll be fine.” Said Tony firmly, stepping back. “You’re growing up, Vizh. It’ll be good for you.”

Without warning the lab door opened and Bruce emerged.

“Sorry to interrupt, but I just had to check if it the program synced yet.” He said apologetically.

Tony rubbed his hands together in sudden delight. “Forget it!” He said. “We’ve got a wedding to arrange!”

“Wait, wedding? Who’s wedding?”

Vision immediately turned to Tony to try and stop him from-

“Vision’s marrying the Maximoff girl.”

Telling Bruce.

If Dr Banner’s eyes had widened any further, they would have popped right out of his skull. “Wa-Wanda? Vision is getting married to Wanda? You’re getting married to Wanda?”

Bruce ran a hand through his hair.

“Great, isn’t it?” Tony smirked.

Bruce wasn’t amused.

“Oh no, no no no. Tony, are you sure this is a good idea?” He asked in a hushed voice, as if Vision couldn’t hear him. He could. Every single word. Each word was a stab to his synthetic heart.

Tony gave Bruce a pointed look.

“‘Course it is. Now come on, we’ve got to make some calls. This wedding isn’t gonna plan itself!”

Ring ring! Ring ring!

Wanda looked down at the crumpled bit of paper in her hand and prayed that the number was right. She had already encountered a wrong one and didn’t want to make the day any more awkward than it was going to be.

Her worries increased when a child’s voice answered the phone.

“Hello?”

She knew that Clint had children, so she thought there was no harm in continuing the call.

“Hi there! Please may I speak to your Dad?” “Sure!”

Wanda heard shuffling on the other side. And then the beautiful sound of children’s laughter. She couldn’t help but reminisce on the times she had played with Pietro when they were younger. A time that was ripped away from them far too soon.

She felt relief wash over her as Clint’s voice finally answered the phone.

“Uh, hello?” “Clint! It’s Wanda!” “Wanda? How did you get this number?”

She felt slightly guilty to be the cause of Steve betraying Clint’s trust. But her reason was important. Besides, it had been a long time since she’d talked to Clint and she had begun to miss him quite a lot.

“Steve gave it to me. I just wanted to ask if we could meet.” “Why? Has something happened?!”

His voice was suddenly drowned with concern. Classic Clint. Joking around one second, prepared to fight to the death in the other. He would do anything for his family, not all of which he was related to by blood. Wanda hoped that he would consider this when he answered her question.

“No, no. I just wanted to ask you something.” “If you just wanted to ask me something then you could just do it now, seeing as you went through all the trouble to get this number.” “No… I would rather do it face to face.”

Truthfully, she wanted to be able to skim his mind to see if his reaction was genuine.

“Look, you gotta understand that it’s not that easy for me to just drop everything and leave anymore. My kids are growing up, Nathan’s starting school… I don’t wanna miss out on anything else. I want to be the Dad they deserve.”

“Would you walk me down the aisle?”

“Yeah, eventually. When Lila’s old enough. Still got quite a while to go thou- wait what? Walk you down the aisle?!”

Wanda could hear the faint voice of a woman down the phone.

“What was that, Clint?” “Nothing honey!”

Wanda suppressed a laugh at his sudden change of tone. “I’m planning to married this fall.” She said.

“Wanda, that’s great! Who’s the lucky guy?”

This was the question that Wanda had secretly been dreading. The last time Clint had met Vision had been in battle, and that hadn’t been pleasant for either of them. The rest of the group had been slightly sceptical at first, but had soon warmed up to the identity of Wanda’s fiancé and were eagerly helping to plan the wedding.

But Clint’s approval was the most important one she needed.

“Vision.”

A painful pause.

“Oh uh… you did think this through right?” “Of course.” “And he can’t have s-” “I know.” “And he’s a… uh…” “He’s a what, Clint? A robot?”

She had heard the questions so many times that she was sick of it. She didn’t understand why her friends couldn’t see Vision the way she did. As a person.

“...yeah.”

“Well he’s not, Clint. I love him and he loves me. It’s as simple as that.” “Sure, whatever you say.”

“So?” “So what?” “Will you stand in as my father?”

“Wanda, what sort of question even is that? Of course I will.”

Vision stood at the top of the hill and gazed down at the construction below him. New Asgard was to be a temporary solution to the homeless citizens of Thor’s home planet, and would act as a shelter until a permanent solution was found.

Said Prince was striding up the hill was hailing him.

“Vision! It’s been a while! How are you?” He said, his booming voice stretching out for what seemed like miles.

“I’m fine, thank you.” Vision replied, much more quietly in comparison. “Wanda and I-”

“Ah, Wanda.” Thor interrupted. “She’s the reason you were born, you know.”

It took every single component of Vision’s mind to avoid overthinking that statement.

“...yes. Well, Wanda and I are getting married-” “Oh, congratulations!” “Thank you- and I was wondering if you would be my best man?”

To be entirely honest, when Tony had first mentioned finding a best man, Vision had no idea what the job entailed. So he had done his research, and Thor was the person who immediately popped into his mind.

“I would be honoured to be the best man!”

...Except he doubted that the Asgardian knew what it was either.

“Do I have to do anything, or…?” Asked Thor, confirming Vision’s doubts. “I believe you have to give a speech and protect the wedding rings.”

At least that was what the internet said, and he had quickly learned not to believe everything he read.

“Ah, yes. I knew that.” Thor most certainly didn’t. “Well, how hard can it be?”

“My thoughts exactly.” Vision replied. He felt relieved now that the matter was settled. As more parts of the wedding were gradually sorted out, he would be able to give Thor more details. Things were going smoothly so far.

“Is it alright if I bring a few friends?”

“Friends?” Vision couldn’t help the hint of exasperation that leaked into his voice. Time was running out, they only had a few months until the wedding and though it wouldn’t make a difference, he still wanted to return as quickly as possible.

“Just a few of my closest companions.” Said a beaming Thor. “I don’t see why not.” “Thank you, my Vision!”

Wanda sat in her temporary apartment, gazing in wonder at Vision’s shortlist of wedding rings. They had been at it for hours, because Vision had a very different definition of the word “short”.   

“Vizh, I trust you. You can choose whatever ring you like for me.” She said, after she had almost fallen asleep for the fifth time.

“I know, but I believe all of them would suit you.” Said Vision. “There are 1,742 rings on this list compared to the millions of…”

It was the one time that Wanda felt sympathy for Stark, who had apparently also sat through this list.

“Why don’t you just get all of them? I mean, it’s not like Stark can’t afford it.” Wanda jokingly suggested.

“How is it possible to wear that many rings?” Vision asked innocently.

Wanda let out a chuckle. “No, you can’t- nevermind.” She turned back to the screen.

“Wait, what’s that one?” She said, pointing at one ring in particular.

“That one? That’s a royal ruby. Why, do you like it?”

It was quite a large gold ring, with an oval-shaped red gemstone in the middle.

“It’s perfect.”

“Thor, the rings please.”

“Of course!”

A wet-eyed Thor handed the rings over to Steve, who whispered a quick thanks.

The couple had decided to have meaningful words engraved on the inside of their rings. Wanda chose a word for her ring that immediately made her think of Vision. “Humanity”. Vision’s ring was engraved with the phrase that made him first realise his true feelings for Wanda. “Spirits lifted”.

“Now, repeat after me.” Instructed Steve, as he gave the first ring to Vision. “With this ring, I thee wed.”

“With this ring, I thee wed.” Repeated Vision, gently sliding the ring onto Wanda’s supple finger.

“Wanda?” Prompted Steve, as he gave Wanda the second ring.

“With this ring,” she let out a breath of joy as she slid the ring onto Vision’s finger, “I thee wed.”

Steve smiled warmly at the pair, before announcing the words they had waited too long to hear.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife! You may kiss.”

The roar of applause and cheers were deaf to their ears. Wanda wrapped her arms around Vision’s neck and drew him closer for their first married kiss.

“I love you.” She said, as she pulled back.

Vision just smiled broadly, and stared at his wife, who stroked his cheek lovingly.

Even an android can cry tears of joy.

[the1975fic]

How I’d Love To Go To Paris Again

Prompt: band member (matty) falls for a girl in the crowd at a tiny gig.

Author’s Note: hi hey hello lols, this is terrifying! so to start out, this is old and when I say it’s old I mean I wrote it in the summer of 2014 (even though this is edited, it’s not what I would write now a days necessarily). Which also means that when I wrote this, I had no idea ‘Paris’ was going to be a song, so cheers Matty! Also, I’m new here, obvs, so kind words only would be appreciated.

(p.s. there is a part two, so you can be on the lookout for that!)

//

He always loved the older cities. He’d been hundreds of places. All over the UK and in Australia, even had done some time in America, but he always found his heart in two places. London and Paris.

Matty wasn’t sure what it was, why he found himself dreaming of a city of smoke and high fashion. He thought maybe he loved Paris because it was the city of love and even in his mid-twenties, he romanticized that.Paris was always so beautiful. The way the streets smelled of soft smoke and how many people looked like models just walking down the street. And then there was the wine. France had such lovely wine that he could have stayed there for the rest of his life just for that fact alone.

The venues they played in Paris tended to be small and personal. The type of venues where Matty would have to have a drink before he went on stage because he knew there would be people there who understood his lyrics. There would be people who understood him and that left him open and vulnerable on stage and that made his skin prickle with anxiety.

Matty loved doing those types of shows though, the whole band did in fact. He loved seeing people connect with the lyrics and he loved the feeling he got when he could tell that not only did they understand him, but he understood them. He thought, a lot of the time, that was far more important than people understanding him.

That evening though, there was one person out of the three hundred people in the crowd who he found his eyes drawn to more than once.

She was beautiful, in the most simple sense. Her hair was long and she had thick rimmed glasses that reminded him of his own that he’d left in the dressing room. She was smaller than the people around her and her skin was pale and Matty wished he could see the color of her eyes from the stage. But the lights were too bright and she was just far enough away that without his glasses, details were blurred.

It was a bit strange because he hadn’t felt that drawn to someone in the crowd in ages. Not since he’d seen his ex-girlfriend sat in a booth at one of the first shows they played together as a proper band. It was strange, even back then to have a connection with a girl in the audience, but it happened.

The show had to end though, and everything was rushed and while he’s wanted to meet her. Speak to her at least, but by the time the band was allowed out she was already gone and he had a handful of people to meet.

He didn’t resent that, he never did. Matty loved the people that supported his band, so much so it felt like a whole in his chest sometimes when he’d read a letter about how awful someone was feeling. He’d always felt so connected to them, like they knew the deepest darkest bits of him and therefore he knew theirs.

Instead of chasing after the girl like he wanted, he stayed at the back of the venue with the other boys and spoke to their fans and took pictures and held the people who were falling part telling their story. And it was extraordinary. A bit disorienting and even a bit baffling, but he loved it the same. The whole band loved it. They didn’t know they thrived off the fans stories until they started hearing them more.

All they’d ever wanted to do was give back a little chunk of what their fans had done for them in the last year. And when he could see it in fans eyes, how much the band had actually helped them, he couldn’t help but tear up a bit because fuck. It was like he was someone. He fucking mattered all of a sudden. It was the best thing that ever happened to him but the worst too, in some warped way.

It was just, Matty was exposed suddenly. People knew things about him that he’d never wanted to share with his parents, never mind hundreds or thousands of people. God, when the album went to number one he’d cried because people knew. People knew some deep dark shit about him that he’d never thought people would care about. About guilt and loss and how fucking dumb he was as a teenager.

But people understood because it was a real story. He lived a real story and now he had fans come up to him and tell him stories about how his music impacted his life and it was so brilliant but terrifying at the same time. The whole band could agree though, it was one of the best parts of the job.

It took them over an hour to meet everyone. The crowd was tiny compared to the crowds they’d gathered back in Manchester, but they spoke to everyone because their fans were intriguing and far more intelligent than he ever could imagine. They had the beautiful artistic visions and even more beautiful views on the world. And he loved each and every one of them entirely.

Matty didn’t forget the girl that was in the crowd with the glasses, but he pushed the thought of her away. He spoke to fans about music and art and with a few, even literature. It was brilliant, until there was no one left and he wished the girl with the bright smile and the pretty glasses had stayed behind. He wanted to know her opinions on art and cinema and Jack Kerouac.

She wasn’t even there, but he wanted her to be.

“We’re going to the hotel, are you coming?” George asked as he lit a cigarette.

“Think ‘m gonna go for a walk,” Matty told his band mate.

George just nodded and then walked off with the others. The hotel they were staying at was only a street away from the venue so they were lucky enough to be able to walk back. Except Matty knew it would be pointless to walk back, he knew for a fact he wouldn’t be able to sleep. His head was full and racing.

Part of it was the extra energy from the gig. There was a bit of longing, for something but he wasn’t sure what. There was a bit of anguish, too because he’d heard what some of the kids that he’d just met went  through. How hard their lives had been and all the shit they’d gone through. And despite them having told him that the band helped them he still didn’t want them to be upset. They didn’t deserve any of it. None of them should have gone through it. The divorces and the deaths and the fucked up shit they’d told Matty and the boys about.

He wanted to make it better for them. Wanted to wrap each one of them up in his arms and tell them that they were going to be alright. And he couldn’t do that, unfortunately and there was always a bit of sadness because of it, a bit of guilt even.

Matty decided he just needed to clear his mind. Get some fresh air after a warm gig and try to relax enough to sleep that way he could get up in the morning and do it all over again. So he just took a drag of his cigarette and started to walk in the opposite direction of their hotel.

Time seemed to drag a bit. He was tired and his body was a bit sore, but before he knew it he was in an area of Paris where he’d never been before. He wasn’t all that far from the venue but the area was new to him. The buildings were old and he noticed paint chipping and stone being exposed. It was beautiful, it was the exact place where he’d want to be forever he thought.

It looked like where he fell in love with the girl he’d once dated.

When they first started seeing each other she’d never been to France. Matty surprised her and took her to France for two days. He had to work of course, but she didn’t mind.

After two gigs in a day, they walked around the city and Matty told her he loved her. They hadn’t been seeing each other long and she didn’t say it back right away. But, it was an area like that where he’d told her. Paris always seemed to bring out the romantic side of him.

He just kept walking because his chest was too tight from the thought of her. It hadn’t been long and he was still getting used to it. Getting used to being alone in the limited time he had to himself. It was new again and it was scary.

Soon though walking wasn’t very good. He needed more. Wine probably, he really wanted something to drink, but it was nearing half one and he knew things wouldn’t be open for long so he ventured to find the closest bar he could.

He’d had to walk toward the venue again before he found somewhere he could get a proper drink. And right as he was about to cross the street so he could get to the door, he looked down the tiny lit alley on the side of the pub and recognized someone.

The girl was sat with her back against the building of the pub. She was smoking and her knees were nearly pulled all the way to her chest, like she was cold maybe. And he recognized her instantly. It was the outfit maybe, or the way her hair fell over her shoulders. Matty had his glasses on now and he could pick out her features as she got a bit closer.

Her profile was beautiful, high cheekbones and a thin nose. He could tell her lips, even from the side, were full and he imagined without the dark lipstick on them that they’d be a beautiful pink.

Matty just walked across the street toward the tiny alley in between the pub and whatever the neighbouring building was. She didn’t notice him and he wasn’t sure if he was glad or not.

The air smelled of smoke and something pretty that he couldn’t identify. He could hear the noise from inside the pub and part of him wanted to go inside, get a bottle of the nicest alcohol they had and just drink it. As lovely as that sounded he needed to speak to the girl that was sat against the building. The same one who’d been at the gig, who’d made eye contact with him several times throughout the show.

Once he was closer he wasn’t really sure how to approach her so he pulled a cigarette out of a pocket in his leather jacket.

“Have you got a lighter?”

She turned her head quickly. He’d startled her and he couldn’t help but think maybe it wasn’t a great idea to speak to her.

“Uh. Y-yeah,” she just blinked at him as she pulled a lighter from her coat pocket, “There you are,” he was surprised by her English accent. Northern he thought.

“Thanks darlin’,” Matty smiled as he put the cigarette in between his lips before he lit it.

“‘Course,” she mumbled. He could see a dusting of pink on her cheeks because of the pale yellow glow from the two lights on the wall of the pub.

“You’re not French, are you?” He questioned as he handed her the lighter back. She just shook her head, “Do you mind?” He nodded toward the ground where she was sitting.

She just shook her head again so he sat down next to her, back against the cold stone of the pub.

“What’re you doing in Paris then?” He asked softly as he took a drag.

He watched as she flicked some ash over her knee, “A holiday I suppose.”

“With your mates?”

“Y-yeah. Figured we could all use a bit of a break,” she smiled weakly at him and he noticed through her glasses her eyes were filled with nerves.

He wanted to know why she was nervous. Why she’d chosen Paris instead of Nice. He wanted to know what her favorite film was and he’d just met her.

That’s how it started, how they started.

He was meant to go back to the hotel and sleep for a bit because the band had radio shit to do the next day. But instead the two of them got a bottle of wine and walked around the streets of Paris with it and talked until the sun started to rise.

Matty was exhausted and so was she but they’d learned things about each other. It was the start of something he thought. They hadn’t talked about much, just things they enjoyed and a bit of their childhood, mostly their siblings, and about his job and his music, but it was enough for him to want more.

When she finally announced that she had to go back to the apartment she was staying at, he walked her back. Not because he thought she couldn’t handle herself but because he wanted just that much more time with her.

Where she was staying was only a few streets over from the hotel so he justified it by saying he’d have to walk past it to get back anyway. She just smiled at him like she knew the truth. He just wanted to kiss her. So he did once they were at the steps of her apartment.

It was soft and his hand cupped her cheek and she moved her lips against his.

It was perfect. And when she pulled away she looked up at him with doe like eyes through the glass of her lenses and smiled weakly at him. She looked tired and he wanted to sleep with her. Just sleep for a while. But he knew that wasn’t possible, not right then at least. In the future he hoped.

She just leaned up on her toes and kissed his cheek and said a soft, “Goodbye.”

She left him with her phone number and he left her with a promise to use it when he was back in London.

[hudsonespie]

How 80 Coastguardsmen Saved Unalaska From the Spanish Flu Pandemic

[By BM1 William A. Bleyer, United States Coast Guard]

"Occasion sometimes arise . . . in which the officers and crews are called upon to face situations of desperate human need which put their resourcefulness and energy, and even their courage, to the severest test." - "The Influenza at Unalaska and Dutch Harbor,” U.S. Coast Guard Annual Report, 1920

Pandemic, quarantines, social distancing and facemasks – too familiar today. These terms resonated with equal disquiet for Americans 100 years ago as the Spanish Influenza Pandemic of 1918-1919 affected nearly every corner of the globe. It caused the deaths of between 25 and 50 million people, more than all who died in World War I. Even in regions with the most advanced medical care, Spanish Influenza killed approximately three percent of all victims.

Crew members of Unalga burying the dead at the Russian Orthodox Cathedral. (NOAA)

Medical care in the remote territory of Alaska was far from advanced. When the pandemic arrived in the spring of 1919, it wiped out entire villages. At the time, Alaska was “an American colony [which] occupied a political status somewhere between a government protectorate and an industrial resource” and the presence of federal government assets in this immense territory was minimal.

In late May 1919, USS Unalga was patrolling in Seredka Bay off Akun Island, in Alaska’s Aleutian Island chain. World War I had ended just six months prior, so – like all Coast Guard-manned cutters – Unalga and its crew still served as part of the U.S. Navy. At 190 feet, the Unalga’s white hull was only somewhat longer than modern Fast Response Cutters patrolling Alaska’s waters today. And while Unalga’s daily operations were fundamentally similar to today’s FRCs, they were much broader. An Alaskan patrol in 1919 could consist of law enforcement boardings of fishing and sealing vessels; inspecting canneries; transporting mail, supplies, passengers, and prisoners; rescuing shipwrecked or stranded victims; rendering medical care; acting as a floating court; and resolving labor disputes.

On May 26, Unalga was resting at anchor following a routine day of seamanship and signals training. At around 1600 an urgent radio message arrived. The settlement of Unalaska on nearby Unalaska Island was suffering from a severe outbreak of Spanish Influenza. The cutter’s commanding officer, Capt. Frederick Dodge, prepared to get the Unalga underway at dawn.

That night, Unalga received another radiogram–the region around Bristol Bay, on Alaska’s southwestern mainland, needed urgent help to cope with its own outbreak. Dodge faced a dilemma: the Unalga could not be in two places at once. He radioed his command that he was setting a course for the closer Unalaska to assess the situation.

Remote even today, in 1919 Unalaska and adjacent Dutch Harbor were tiny villages with a combined population of about 360 people, mostly of Aleut or mixed Russian-native ancestry. There was only one doctor on the entire island.

After arriving, Unalga’s crew disembarked to a horrific scene. Nearly the entire settlement was infected, including the only doctor and all but one operator at Dutch Harbor’s Navy radio station. The situation was critical as historian Alfred Crosby noted in America’s Forgotten Pandemic:

. . . very large proportions of isolated populations tended to contract Spanish Influenza all at once. The sick outnumbered those doing the nursing. The sick, therefore, lacked fluids, food, and proper care, which caused very high death rates… effective leadership was vital to keeping death rates down. If complacency, incompetence, sickness, or bad luck crippled the ability of the leaders to react efficiently to the pandemic, then Spanish Influenza could be as deadly as the Black Death.

Members of Unalga’s crew shepherding orphan children to safety. (NOAA)

It now fell to the men of the Unalga to provide lifesaving leadership and medical care. Out of the Unalga’s crew of approximately 80 men, only three had medical training: Ship’s Surgeon Lt. j.g. Dr. F.H. Johnson (U.S. Public Health Service), Lt. E.W. Scott (U.S. Navy Dental Corps), and Pharmacist’s Mate 1/class E.S. Chase. These men began coordinating the town’s medical care. Together, they assembled a group of volunteers from the crew that kept growing until it included personnel drawn from every department on board the cutter.

Unalga’s crew wearing “Flu” masks. All the cutter’s crew members involved in the humanitarian effort volunteered to help. (NOAA)

From May 26 to June 4, Unalga proved the difference between life and death for the inhabitants of Unalaska. Captain Dodge initiated feeding the town using Unalga’s food stores. Crewmembers delivered 350 prepared meals on the first day and, by the height of the pandemic, they were delivering more than 1,000 meals per day. Villagers ranked the ship’s emergency rations somewhere between awful and lousy, but they ate them.

Orphans and a caretaker at the Unalga Orphan Home. (NOAA)

Every crewmember engaged in some aspect of relief work. Nicknamed “gobs,” those not caring for the sick provided logistical support, such as keeping fires for incapacitated villagers or helping prepare or deliver food. Other crewmen took over operation of the Navy radio station in Dutch Harbor. The men even built a temporary hospital outfitted with plumbing and electrified by the cutter’s generator.

Caring for the sick and burying the dead was an exhausting and emotionally challenging job. Death by “The Spanish Lady” (the disease’s elegantly macabre nickname) was often horrific. Victims frequently suffered from double pneumonia and drowned when their lungs filled with fluid, some of it oozing out of their noses and mouths when they died. The crewmembers nursed the sick with no protective equipment except cloth facemasks, exposing themselves to infection. Several men became ill, including Dodge. He determined he was well enough to remain in command and later recovered. While Unalga’s crew did their best to save lives, they ultimately had to inter 45 victims beneath white Russian Orthodox crosses in Unalaska’s cemetery.

Orphans and a caretaker at the Unalga Orphan Home. (NOAA)

Unalga’s crew also cared for the children of the deceased or incapacitated. Unlike seasonal flu, Spanish Influenza acutely affected young adults, probably because it provoked an overreaction in the victims’ immune system. This had the tragic effect of creating a number of orphans. Even if not infected, these children were vulnerable to starvation, freezing, or attack by feral dogs, described by Unalga’s men as similar to ravenous wolves. Unalaska had its own orphanage, the Jesse Lee Home, but when that filled up, a vacant house was requisitioned and named the “USS UNALGA Orphan Home.” When that also filled, Dodge started housing children in the town jail under the care of the town marshal. Among these orphans was Benny Benson, who later designed the state flag of Alaska.

Unalga’s Master-at-Arms, Peter “Big Pete” Bugaras volunteered to care for the orphans. An enlisted man responsible for enforcing ship’s discipline and handling prisoners, Bugaras had a reputation as “the strongest man in the Coast Guard Service,” and was described as “Greek by birth, a born fighter of men, and protector of all things helpless and small.” Burly and big-hearted, Bugaras took responsibility for running the UNALGA Orphan Home. He had his men fashion clothes for the children by tracing outlines of their bodies on bolts of cloth and cutting them out. Several women in the village were appalled to see Bugaras enthusiastically scrubbing children clean with the same vigor he used on dogs, but by all accounts the little ones loved him.

Outside help finally arrived on June 3, when Coast Guard Cutter Bear dropped anchor. Under the combined effort of the two cutter crews, many of the surviving victims began to recover and the pandemic subsided. Navy vessels also arrived. In the words of Unalga officer Eugene Coffin: “Navy ships and nurses were sent to Unalaska after we yelled for them.” With the arrival of warships USS Vicksburg and USS Marblehead in mid-June, Dodge resupplied the Unalga to set sail for Bristol Bay. Unalaska’s last death occurred June 13 and with its departure on June 17, the Unalga’s relief of Unalaska officially ended.

Unalga men burying the dead at the Russian Orthodox Cemetery in Unalaska. (NOAA)

The Unalga’s care of Unalaska’s inhabitants had been somewhat rough-hewn but effective. During the cutter’s relief effort, the local mortality rate had hovered around 12 percent, while other areas in Alaska experienced up to 90 percent.

The Coast Guardsmen of the Unalga were far from saints, but for years later the inhabitants of Unalaska remembered them as saviors. In July 1919, Unalaska’s Russian Orthodox priest, Dimitri Hotovitzky, and Aleut Chief, Alexei Yatchmeneff, co-wrote a letter to Dodge stating “We feel had it not been for the prompt and efficient work of the Unalga, when everyone willingly and readily exposed himself to succor the sick, Unalaska’s population might have been reduced to a very small number if not entirely wiped out.”

While Unalga’s performance at Unalaska drew universal acclaim, the cutter and USS Marblehead were criticized for arriving in the Bristol Bay region too late to make a difference. As the disease had largely run its course, Unalga’s crew worked with the Marblehead’s Navy personnel to provide for the remaining medical care and relief work in the community. When the pandemic finally released Alaska from its grip, nearly 3,000 inhabitants had died. Nearly all of the dead were Native Alaskans, an irreparable loss to the indigenous community and its culture.

Unalga’s officers, including: Standing: Lieutenant Junior Grade Willie B. Huebner USNRF; Captain Eugene Auguste Coffin USCG; Captain Warner Keith Thompson USCG; Captain Theodore Graham Lewton USCG; Lieutenant E. W. Scott USNRF (Dental Corps); Lieutenant Junior Grade Dr. F. H. Johnson USPHS. Sitting: Lieutenant Carl E. Anderson USNRF; Senior Captain Frederick Gilbert Dodge USCG; Lieutenant Gordon Whiting MacLane USCG.

Every pandemic and its tragedies are unique, but in the Coast Guard’s response today we can hear echoes of 1919, when the crew of Coast Guard Cutter Unalga quarantined and rendered pandemic relief to the remote Alaskan settlement of Unalaska. Cutter Unalga and the men who sailed aboard it made history as part of the lore of Alaska and the long blue line.

This article appears courtesy of Coast Guard Compass and may be found in its original form here.

from Storage Containers https://maritime-executive.com/article/how-80-coastguardsmen-saved-unalaska-from-the-spanish-flu-pandemic via http://www.rssmix.com/