#his mom was also gone but it was so clearly painted as cas being the biggest loss for dean

[reyolfx]

sometimes i'll just think of some of the shit that went down between cas and dean and then i'll remember that there's a whole faction of fans out there that INSIST those mfs are just buddies and my brain implodes

[mrswhozeewhatsis]

Soft

A/N: This is for both the @spnfanficpond's S14 Weekly Episode Challenge, week 20, and also this month's Alpha Reader Program with @deanwinchesterswitch! Kym is a great Alpha reader, putting up with so much babbling of ideas with me!!

Summary: Chuck is depowered, Jack de-poofed Eileen and Y/N, and they all rescued Cas from the Empty. (The finale never happened fight me.) Now, with no more Big Bads on the horizon, Dean needs to figure out what his happily ever after looks like. Once he does, then he needs to go get it.

Pairing: Destiel x reader

Warnings: Pining. Idjits in love. Canon-divergent after 15x19. Fluff.

Word count: 4311 words

Prompt: "I'll stop talking." "Probably a good idea."

Dean watches her throw her arms around Cas’s waist and really snuggle into his embrace. It’s done. Chuck is depowered, Jack is in charge, Y/N is back, and now Cas is back. Everything is as it should be. Dean pats Cas on the shoulder, meeting his gaze with a smile he can feel is strained, locks eyes for a second with Y/N, and heads towards his room via the drink trolley. A little time resting in the only soft thing he’s ever been allowed to keep is definitely in order.

Sitting on his bed, back propped against the headboard and whiskey bottle in hand, he forces himself to consider everything he’s been trying not to think about for far too long. Cas will want to talk at some point, and Dean knows he can’t get it wrong. Well, no, he actually could get it all very disastrously wrong, but this time, he doesn’t want to.

And he has so very much to think about if he wants any chance to get this right. First, he needs to decide what “right” looks like.

If you’d asked him a few years ago what a good life looked like, he would have denied Cas’s place in it. There were just so many reasons why Cas couldn’t be a part of any picture he’d have painted back then. That was before, though. Before Cas told him, unequivocally, that he loved Dean in a way he thought he couldn’t have.

Maybe a year ago, if Cas had said those same words, Dean would have jumped into his arms and kissed the hell out of him. At that point, he’d finally admitted to himself that Cas was more to him. That Cas meant more than Dean’s fear of someone thinking he liked dick. Cas meant more than his hang-ups about how sex worked with a dude. Cas was more than a guy, and not simply because he wasn’t human. Angel or not, Cas was Dean’s person.

That was before, though. Before Mary died. Before Chuck had his little hissy fit. Before Dean acted like an ass… again. Before Y/N.

Now, Dean sits on his bed, not drinking the whiskey in his hand because he knows it won’t help. He needs to think clearly. He needs to decide how he feels. He’s loved Cas for years. But he’s beginning to think that maybe he loves her, too.

She appeared with the army of hunters that had arrived when Chuck opened Hell. She was relatively new to hunting, so when her partner died early on, she needed an experienced partner. With Dean barely speaking to him, Cas needed something to focus on, and he took her under his wing, so to speak. Which meant Dean barely spoke to her, either, outside of barking orders.

He was just so angry at the time, and it spilled onto her. Dean didn’t want Cas around him, but then he didn’t want Cas focusing on her, either. Or giving her that squinty head tilt. Hugging her while she grieved her partner. Talking to her about lore and weapons and sigils.

With Jack and Rowena dead, Y/N filled the fourth seat in the Impala just a little too quickly for Dean’s liking. And it had nothing to do with how fondly Cas looked at her when she fell asleep on his shoulder. Yeah, he understood that she needed training and experience, but there were a million other hunters fighting ghosts and zombies with them that she could have joined.

Dean was so mad, Cas left. And she went with him. And no, Dean did not spend several sleepless nights wondering about the sexual orientation of angels.

She and Cas were hunting partners for a while, but then Cas went to Heaven, so she moved into the bunker and never left. Dean tried not to dump his shit on her, knowing that it was his shit and not hers and he was being a dick, but she was everywhere—cooking in the kitchen, beating up the heavy bag in the gym, shooting curse words into the paper targets in the range. Dean didn’t want to laugh when she slapped one on his chest that read “DICK” as she walked out the door. He also didn’t want to deck Fancypants Dean from the other world when he asked her to go with them to Rio and then kissed her, dipped her like a 50’s heroine and everything, right in front of him!

And he definitely didn’t want to miss her when she left again with Cas. They were gone, again. Alone. Soon, he realized that he missed the smell of her cooking. He stared at the taped-over hole she left in the heavy bag when she tried attacking it while wearing heels. He tried to forget how lethal she was in the gun range. He failed to stop wondering how many beds were in the motel room they were sharing each night.

He got better about not being a dick to her when they returned. He even shared his pie. The first time she gave him one of her hundred-watt smiles, he nearly melted. She offered to help wash Baby, and he accepted. Not being a dick got easier as they became friends.

Then Chuck killed her. Just poofed her into nothing. A finger snap and Dean felt like he was back on the rack, a knife slicing into his heart. Why? Watching Cas mourn her was almost as hard as admitting that he felt the same way. He shouldn’t feel this way. They were friends. But the pain and grief in Cas’s eyes were mirrored in his chest. Not that he could say that to anyone. She was Cas’s… something.

Yet, before the Shadow swallowed him and Billie whole, Cas still said that his moment of complete happiness was loving Dean.

After Cas was gone, Dean sat on the floor in the dungeon and wondered at the complete lack of black goo anywhere. It had seemed to be everywhere but had left no trace. His mind bounced against the image of Cas getting swallowed whole and ricocheted into the image of Y/N poofing into thin air. Sam’s face when he picked up Eileen’s car keys, phone, and wallet. Jack’s face burning brightly when Chuck killed him in the graveyard. Mom’s face when he wrapped a shroud around the body that wasn’t hers. Charlie’s face as she lay in that awful motel bathtub. Bobby’s face as he called them idjits one last time. Dad’s face when the doctors tried to revive him, but he was already long gone.

Dean went on autopilot. He got up from the floor, drove to Sam and Jack, and then, he … did what needed to be done. On the drive away from Chuck’s defeat, Dean tried to imagine the life ahead of him without Chuck’s influence. Just him and Sam and Jack. He pictured them in the bunker, all in black and white like the old photos of the Men of Letters in the archives. Nothing big to fight, only little hunts. Maybe there would be the occasional trip to Hell to visit Rowena. Maybe Rowena could use a hand down there? Hell sounded nice, this time of year. You know, when everyone else is dead….

Dean didn’t let himself complete that thought. He still had Sam.

Then Jack brought back Y/N and Eileen. Color returned to Dean’s world. It wasn’t perfect, but it was better than Heaven or Hell. With Y/N in his arms, all he could think about was Cas. Dean needed Cas back, even if it meant watching them ride off into the sunset together. When Jack said he couldn’t get Cas as easily as he’d gotten Y/N and Eileen, she ended up crying in Dean’s arms, letting him comfort her. She comforted him. They comforted each other.

Before the big rescue, Dean decided that if Cas and Y/N chose to go off and live a happy life together, he’d wish them well, even if it meant drowning himself in whiskey.

But now they’re both here. When their departure was hypothetical, it was easy to convince himself that he could be supportive. Now that he was up against the reality of it, he could barely breathe. Yes, the two of them alive and happy together without him is better than the two of them dead, but….

Dean puts down the whiskey and grabs an open bottle of what is probably very stale water off his desk. He drinks it down and then stares at the whiskey bottle. He tries to breathe through the pain in his chest caused by the prospect of visiting Cas and Y/N in their little country cottage with the white picket fence and beehives in the backyard. Oh, how he wants to drink something stronger than water and make this pain stop.

No. He needs to say this to himself completely sober.

“I want them,” he announces to the room, quietly enough that no one outside could hear, but the words still echo in his ears. “No, I don’t just want them. I want a bacon double cheeseburger with extra onions and a slice of apple pie with a scoop of ice cream on top. I need them. I need Cas, and I need her, and I need to stop acting like I don’t.”

Picturing the little country cottage once more, he shakes his head. “I have to try. Cas said he loved me. Y/N at least doesn’t think I’m a dick. I can’t do nothing, anymore. I have to try. I have to tell them both and at least ask them to give me a chance.”

Dean pulls at his hair and sighs. “But that’s not how the world works. I can’t have them both. I need to decide who to talk to first. I need to choose.”

The angel that literally saved him from Hell but wears a vessel Dean doesn’t know how to handle, or the woman who would be the complete package if he weren’t already in love with Cas.

“How do I choose?”

And that’s all assuming that either of them even (still) wants him. Cas may have changed his mind after Dean stood there stupidly and said freaking nothing while the Empty swallowed him whole. And she’s never really indicated that she wanted anyone but Cas. And Cas has always seemed perfectly happy to indulge her attentions. Hell, maybe they will go off together to that cottage in the country and leave him alone. After the way he’s acted, it’s the least he deserves.

“If I even have a choice, I can’t choose.”

Pacing the room, he kneads the problem in his mind like a baker would knead dough. After only a couple of minutes, he tires of rolling around a thousand “what ifs” in his head and stops in front of his bedroom door, hand almost grabbing the knob to turn it.

“What’s the worst that could happen?” he asks himself, trying to give himself the courage to move. “They both say they don’t want me, they only want each other, and I’m left alone, like I’ve always been. Nothing changes for me.”

Swallowing down the blast of grief that idea causes, he takes a deep breath and watches from outside of his body as he turns the doorknob and walks down the hallway.

He hears her voice coming from her room long before he reaches it, but he’s almost in the doorway before he can make out the words she’s saying. She’s chattering in that way she does when she’s excited or nervous about something, and his heart clenches as he wonders what’s got her so jittery.

“It’s just that there’s so much to consider and so many possibilities and I’ve been waiting until now to think about it and oh god now I’m rambling and we really need to come up with a better phrase for that now that Chuck’s not in power andfuckinghellIthinkI’llstoptalking.”

Dean watches her put a hand over her mouth to stop the flow of words and can’t stop his smile. She’s adorable.

Cas sees Dean in the doorway, gives her a gentle smile, and says, “That’s probably a good idea.” He nods his head towards Dean, and she turns to look at him. They’re both sitting on the side of the bed, one of her hands is encased in both of his, and Dean feels his heart wrench at what that might mean.

He tries to read their expressions, get a feel for what’s happening in the room, but his own feelings are overwhelming him. They’re both right here, staring at him, while he’s staring at them, and no one is saying anything!

“Uh,” he starts —oh, you’re doing great there, Dean, so eloquent— before clearing his throat and taking a steadying breath, “I don’t want to interrupt you guys?”

Cas smiles, but Y/N gulps and shakes her head.

“Hello, Dean,” Cas says in that way that always makes Dean feel warm inside. “It’s okay. What do you need?”

Dean tries again to read their expressions, but all he can feel is tension. Is it coming from him? “I, uh, need you,” he says to both of them, bouncing his gaze back and forth between them.

Cas stands up, letting go of Y/N’s hands, and pats her on the shoulder. “I’ll let you guys have some time alone. We can finish this later, right?”

Y/N nods, but Dean stops Cas from leaving the room with a hand on his arm. “No, Cas, I mean both of you.” Wishing that he could simply snap his fingers and have both of them automatically understand, he stares into Cas’s eyes like he’s done so many times before, trying to will his jumble of thoughts into the angel’s head.

Cas must only get static, though, because he smiles his same old fond smile, puts his hand on Dean’s left shoulder like he always does, and replies, “Of course, Dean. I’m always here when you need me. How can I help?”

Dean groans, wiping down his face with his hand while his shoulders droop. “Fuck, this is hard,” he mutters, then leads Cas back to where he’d been sitting on the bed, drags over the desk chair, and sits facing them both. “Look, I don’t do chick flick stuff, and you guys both know that, so bear with me, okay?”

Cas and Y/N both nod, and Dean wishes he had the whiskey bottle with him. Maybe a little in vino veritas would help him get through this. Staring at the two of them, he doesn’t even know where to start. He looks back and forth at each of them again, noting that they’re holding hands once more, and focuses on that.

“Look, guys, I know you two are,” he waves a hand around trying to indicate what he means, “together? Involved? Whatever you want to call it since we’re not in high school and we’ve all worked to derail an apocalypse or two. And I don’t want to mess with that. Well, not exactly. Wait, that’s not what I meant.” He takes a steadying breath and mutters, “Fuck, this is hard,” yet again.

He looks up and finally notices that both Cas and Y/N are now considerably less relaxed than they were a minute ago. Both sit stiff-backed, trying to look at anything but each other, and their hands are no longer linked.

“Wait, you guys are together, right?” Dean asks, suddenly questioning every moment he’s ever seen between them.

Y/N clears her throat and replies, “Well, that’s kind of what I was trying to talk to Cas about when you came in.” Her eyes bounce between Cas and Dean nervously and she shifts her position on the bed a little so she’s facing towards Cas a little more. “Cas, part of what I was trying to say is that I have, you know, feelings for you, that are, well, more than friendship.” Her words rush faster and faster until she gets to the end. “I held it in for so long, and then I was dead, and you were dead, and it was all awful, but now we’re back, and we’re here, and I can’t keep pretending I don’t feel what I feel.” She ends with a small gasp of much-needed air and then stares fearfully at the angel while she carefully exhales.

Cas tilts his head and squints, and Y/N slowly deflates a little bit more with every moment Cas takes to reply. Dean had no idea what he was walking into but somehow feels a little better knowing he’s not the only one feeling the need to put things on the table. The only concern now is that he might be watching the two people he wants so very much get together right in front of him, without him. Well, I’ll always have Sammy and visits to Rowena in Hell, he thinks.

“Cas? Please say something,” Y/N pleads, the panic becoming clear to Dean as her breathing quickens and her hands fumble in her lap.

“I thought you were in love with Dean?” Cas blurts out, leaving all three of them exchanging looks between them.

Dean sits up straighter and glances between Cas and Y/N, but focuses more on Y/N. “Really?” He can’t stop the word from leaving his mouth. He’s too excited by the possibility. Doing the math in his head, his heart starts to race happily. Half a chance Cas really loves him like he said, half a chance Y/N loves him like Cas said, that equals a whole chance he might actually get at least half of what he wants.

Completely ignorant to the social graces surrounding admitting other people’s feelings for other people to those other people, Cas just keeps going, turning to Dean. “Yes. I’ve noticed her engaging in some of the social actions that usually indicate romantic affection towards you. I assumed that meant she had feelings for you.”

Dean looks at Cas, then throws his hands up in the air. “Well, I’ve been watching the two of you cuddle up together all the time like two peas in a damn pod, so I knew she had feelings for you! And you’ve been cuddling right back, so I figured that meant the two of you were a thing, no matter what you said!”

Face glowing a bright red, Y/N interrupted the staring contest between the two men. “Well, I’ve been watching all the eye-fucking between you two since day one, so I thought you two were a thing! I mean, seriously, you two need to kiss or fuck or something so the rest of us can breathe clear air, again!”

Both Dean and Cas turn to stare at Y/N.

“What? You two had no problem talking about my feelings! Turnabout’s fair play!”

Cas takes hold of Y/N’s hand to ground her and says, “So, you have romantic feelings for both of us, then?”

Fear washes over her face as she nods, nervously glancing between the two of them.

Cas smiles. “And I have romantic feelings for both of you,” he states. The two of them smile at each other for a moment and then turn to Dean in unison. Their hands are clutched together, knuckles white with tension.

With two pairs of striking eyes staring at him, Dean squirms.

“Dean, we would very much appreciate you telling us what you’re thinking and feeling, right now,” Cas said, using his calmest and most caring voice. “I believe the phrase is, ‘this is a safe space.’”

Dean takes a steadying breath, looks at each of them individually, and decides there’s no use running now. He’s here. He knows there will be a soft landing when he jumps. He’s jumped into worse with less and come out winning. He can do this.

Dean takes Y/N’s free hand in one of his and squeezes it while he decides what words to use. She relaxes, her shoulders dropping, but Dean notices Cas stiffen out of the corner of his eye. Dean stiffens right along with him, bringing his eyes up just in time to see the flash of disappointment in Cas’s eyes before it disappears.

Fuck, he’s screwing this all up, already.

Words are still foreign things he can’t seem to grasp, so he decides to act instead. Still holding Y/N’s hand, he reaches with his other hand to grasp Cas’s neck and pull him in.

The kiss is awkward as hell. Cas’s eyes are wide open when Dean closes his, and then teeth clash, and Cas stays frozen while Dean tries to gently kiss some life into him. Right before Dean is about to pull away and question all his life choices, Cas melts. Cas’s hand is suddenly in Dean’s hair, pulling Dean closer as the kiss turns into the warmest, loveliest kiss Dean’s ever experienced. Cas’s lips are as soft as Dean ever imagined, the little bit of rough stubble a new but not awful feeling, and Dean’s pretty sure he could do this for hours and never come up for air. Maybe it would kill him, but he’d be okay dying this way.

Eventually, the kiss turns to little nibbles, and then they simply sit there for a moment, foreheads together and eyes closed, feeling the warmth of each other.

“I didn’t think you could feel what I feel,” Dean whispered. “And then you said you could, and you did, and then you were gone, and it was too late.” He shifts only enough to press his lips to Cas’s again one more time. “You can have everything you want, angel,” he says, pulling back enough to look Cas in the eyes.

Cas’s smile is as wide and happy as Dean’s ever seen it. They stare at each other for another one of those long moments where Dean swears Cas must be able to freeze time. Cas’s eyes shift away from Dean, and he’s reminded that he’s staring at only half of his happiness.

The other half is still holding his hand, watching him and Cas with wide eyes and a shy smile. With nothing left to lose, Dean leans in and feels the rest of his world click into place as his lips settle perfectly on hers. The kiss with her is different, and yet also the same in how right it feels. She opens her mouth a little, and their tongues slide together like they’ve done this a hundred times before. When they finally break apart, he doesn’t know what to say, so he just lets his smile loose. She smiles back, and he knows she understands.

Everything in him wants to keep going back and forth, kissing them both, but there’s always that little voice inside his head —which sounds a bit like Chuck, these days— that tells him that this isn’t real. It makes him slow down a bit, lean back in his chair, and enjoy looking at the two people in front of him. He watches the two of them kiss and is surprised when his gut doesn’t churn with jealousy this time.

Each time he had imagined what they did behind closed doors, he was miserable. Yet, here he is, watching them kiss, feeling happy. The part of him that was jealous and hurt now knows that they both want him, too. He’s not on the outside looking in, anymore.

The little voice that sounds like Chuck gets a little louder. ‘What is this, a three-way roll in the hay like with the Doublemint twins back before Hell, or those triplets with Lee? Yeah, this isn’t how real life works, pal.’

Cas and Y/N finally pull away from each other but continue to stare into each other’s eyes for a long moment. Now, Dean knows how other people have felt while he’s stared at Cas in the past. Part of him wants to laugh at that, but that evil little voice has convinced him that this is temporary. They’re all holding hands, now, like some kind of hippie prayer circle or Zen meditation thing, grinning like idiots at each other, and it can’t last.

Dean’s smile falters, and he looks down at their hands, trying to memorize this moment before it all comes crashing down. Before he has to choose. Before they have to choose. Before he loses everything.

Cas lets go of his hand and uses it to lift Dean’s chin so he sees Cas’s face again. “You can have this, Dean. We can have this, exactly like this. We don’t have to choose. It won’t be easy, but nothing worthwhile ever is, right?” Cas’s hand drops down and grasps his hand, again. “Polyamory is not unheard of and is accepted in many cultures.”

Dean looks back and forth between Cas and Y/N, gauging their feelings about this from their expressions.

Y/N giggles and shrugs when Dean looks at her, questions in his eyes. “I’m game to try if you are. I’m guessing it’s going to involve a lot of honesty and talking, but I could never choose between you.”

Dean’s shoulders relax and he takes what feels like the first deep breath of his life. He’s fallen, hard and fast, expecting the pain of a crash landing, but found a safety net instead. It’s thrilling, it’s scary, and his heart wants to burst out of his chest, but it’s all good.

Squeezing both of their hands, he grins. “Let’s do this, then.”

Later, when he and Y/N are curled into Cas in bed, who’s reading a book because he doesn’t sleep, Dean squeezes her hand on the broad chest between them and smiles when she squeezes back. When he’s asleep and dreaming about hunts and fights and beating the Devil, for the first time, when he falls, he lands softly.

[misha-moose-dean-burger-lover]

Closets & Wendy’s.

“Last day of Pride!”

Dean projects himself onto Cas’s bed, ending up sprawled on his front, with an arm slung over Cas’s lap.

On receiving no more greeting than Cas’s hand landing in his hair and starting to card through it, he lifts his face from the comforter, props himself up on his elbows - chin tucked in a palm - and stares at his boyfriend.

Cas looks upset.

The corners of his lips tilt passively downwards, eyebrows carrying most of the weight of his frown.

“Cas?” Dean asks, neutrally - already regretting his overhyped entrance.

“I’m sorry- I don't feel -”

Words fade out, and Cas pauses. Then he turns to actually look at Dean, the sadness seeped into his eyes, and Dean doesn’t waste a moment getting up, knee-waddling over into Cas’s space and pulling him close.

Cas comes easily, planting his head on Dean’s shoulder, and exhaling a tired breath when Dean runs a hand over his back.

“What are you feeling?” Dean asks, after a beat, now trying to soothe Cas’s tense shoulders, rubbing gently over the cotton. Cas leans into his touch.

About three years of therapy, and nearly six years of being roommates - undergrads, and then actual friggin’ grad school - with Cas, basically Dean’s personal mascot for healthy communication, has led him to definitely know that it’s always a better alternative to talk about what you are going through, instead of what you aren’t.

(Or, you know, what you think you should be, just because your dumb, insensitive boyfriend who’s been obsessed with Pride since finally coming out and-slash-or best-friending up with Charlie Bradbury, is. And rather loudly, at that, because Dean Winchester’s a goddamn idiot.)

“Disappointment.” Cas says, morosely, but almost as soon as he hears his own words, he rephrases. “Uh. I’m the disappointment.”

“Well, did you secretly sneak out and mark yourself absent for the entire semester in all your 4.0 GPA classes when I wasn’t looking?”

“Dean.”

“Fine, 3.7.” Dean throws back. “Big friggin’ deal, nerd.” Cas lets out a huff of breath which almost resembles a chuckle, and Dean squeezes his arm around Cas. “You know that would’ve totally been a four if I’d been less distracting.”

“Interesting.” Cas corrects.

“Hot.” Dean throws back, just because he knows it’ll make Cas crinkle into one of his fond ‘what-do-I-do-with-you’ smiles. It does. 

“Perfect.” And Cas throws in a sigh, as if to solidify his point, and leans in to nuzzle Dean’s neck in a way so intensely Cas, that if anyone else had ever tried it, he’d either end up being tickled to death, or running the hell out of dodge. 

“We’re on you right now, Cheesy McCheesington.” Dean smiles back, and goes on. 

He’s not willing to let Cas close up into a ball of repressed emotions with happy only on the outside. That’s way more Dean’s thing - or rather, used to be. He knows he’s bettered his coping mechanisms. Mostly because every part of his life involves Cas now, and anything with Cas is good. 

They’ve grown a lot together - grown through a lot as well, and this is how they’ve done it. By talking through, the Castiel way. It still throws Dean off sometimes, how far they’ve gotten.

So when Cas whines in protest into Dean’s shirt, he knows exactly how to turn it into a side-hug. One of those, where they end up staring at each other from a three-inch distance.

Staring hard, Dean says it. “You’re the farthest thing from a disappointment, Cas. To anyone.”

The lecturers all adored him, their friends made it a point to keep proclaiming their affection out loud (thank god for Charlie Bradbury and co.), and Dean doesn’t think he could be more proud of Cas if he tried. 

He was a goddamn wonder.

He’d gone from a lanky, private-schooled, what’s-a-Star-War schmuck to one of Dean’s favorite people in the world. He was hilarious, and a genius, and kind. He’d grown into his shoulders, and into a stubbly kind of an age, and into this awesome, intelligent, pancake-making man of Dean’s dreams, and into his bee obsessions and organizational neatness - and complete, total perfection. 

(Dean needs him, appreciates him, and (not that subtly - to his credit), loves him in a forever sort of way.)

But before Dean’s properly began to remind Cas of any of it, he’s interrupted. 

“I’m disappointing me, Dean.”

There’s resignation in his tone, and evidence in every word he says. 

“June’s over. Again. And for all the marching with painted cheeks and the megaphones? For all the parades, and the celebrations of our identities, the togetherness, the being proud of being ourselves?” Cas lets out, bitterly, and Dean realizes he knows where Cas is going with this. “And I still haven’t come out to my family.”

Dean waits, sure that Cas isn’t finished. 

“How have I not done it yet?” Cas hisses, and it almost startles him - he’s swapped the upset for angry. It’s rarer. “I’ve known since I was a teenager - and we’ll have been together for five years in three months, Dean, and I just - I cannot believe I still can’t do it.”

He sounds helpless, and Dean wants to jump in, but he needs Cas to get the words out first. 

“What’s the matter with me? Am I not brave enough, or strong enough - or am I still hanging onto the hope that they’ll suddenly become better human beings and not disown me when I tell them?” Cas scoffs. 

He’s pissed at himself. 

“Maybe I still lack, as you say, free will.”

Dean has to step in at that. “That was six years ago, and you know I wouldn’t say it now.”

“Why not?” Cas challenges. “I couldn’t tell them then, either. I clearly haven’t changed.”

“Other things, Cas.” Dean says, and grits his teeth. This isn’t supposed to be them yelling. Cas is frustrated, and Dean’s listening - he can’t be frustrated back at him for the way he expresses it. “Other things have changed.”

Cas gives him a look, but Dean holds his end of it until it crumbles. Cas changes his offense. Mellows down - probably when he sees Dean’s restraint. “This is important to me. I want to do it. Then why can’t I tell them?”

He’s asking himself, but he’s also asking the only person who knows him as well as he knows himself, yet he’s also not asking at all - simultaneously, it’s also rhetorical.

Dean licks his lips. 

“Whatever be the answer to that, Cas, first things first. This doesn’t imply you’re not proud enough.” 

Cas looks away.

“Or, for that matter, not panromantic or demisexual enough.” 

Sigh. Shuffle, shift. And then he looks back up at Dean. The tears weren’t there before. “How do you know, Dean?”

“‘Cause I know this doesn’t decide that.”

“Why not?” Cas says, quietly.

“‘Cause,” He repeats. “How queer you are isn’t measured on a scale of how soon you come out once you know.” He pauses, judges the air. “It usually isn’t measured at all, unless we’re talking about a magical thing known as the Kinsey Scale.”

He judged right. 

Cas coughs, and it’s definitely to disguise a reluctant snicker.

“And you know, even if it were measured on the weird first thing,” Dean adds, serious again. “There’d totally be a different clause, and a separate key, mind you, for the people with douchebag families.”

“They prefer conservative, I think.” Cas says, smally, after an entire minute, as if he’d actually been rerunning Dean’s speech in his head for that long.

Dean shrugs.

Cas almost smiles. He’s calmed down.

“The strange thing is that it makes no sense.” He begins, heavy, albeit less severe on himself. “I’m twenty six. We co-own this apartment, and we pay our bills. We’re completely independent.” It never stops sounding surreal. That’s for another time. “Mother calls me on third Sundays, Gabriel sends Christmas cards. Other than that, I only spend Thanksgiving lunches with them, each year more horrible than the last. I know I wouldn’t miss any of them, nor regret being written out of the will. Or have my Novak cemetery spot passed onto Michael’s oldest. Or the gardener.” 

Dean snorts at that. The Novaks are truly something else. 

“There is no reason I can’t just come out. I just -” Cas cuts into his own sentence with a sigh, one signifying that he’s finally done speaking, and he reclaims Dean’s shoulder once more.

What’s important right now, is to make him feel better. A resolution to this isn’t within grasp at the moment, and Cas sounds drained. Dean - well, he does what he does best. He segues. 

“Wait.” Cas lifts his head. “You didn’t actually say you’re not out, did you?”

Cas squints at him.

“Dude. Being out doesn’t just mean telling your family. And getting subjected to toxicity and trauma, by means of it.” Dean points out, earnest. By that logic, courtesy of a long-dead mom, and a relatively-shorter-dead dad, he’s in the closet as well. “Hell, you put your hand in my back pocket at KFC, yesterday.”

“Oh.” Cas blinks. 

Dean grins, and Cas’s surprise makes it easy to do so. “You bet my publicly grabbed ass, it counts.”

Cas knows it counts. He knows everything that counts. But he indulges himself, and he indulges Dean - his bad mood slowly dissipating. “What else?” 

“You kissed me at Wendy’s last week.” Dean informs him, eyebrows raised. “Held my hand for a really long time in a Starbucks queue on Saturday. Oh, and all the gay bars count, buddy. Especially the bits where we grind on the dance floor, and then I blow you in the stall.” 

Cas opens his mouth to protest that has only happened once, but Dean meets his eyes with a pointed look. He’s got to bring it up.

“Every time I’ve ever taken you to a steak joint counts too. ‘Cause trust me, those are always dates, whether you know it or not.”

“Long drives are a date to you.” Cas deadpans. 

“Yeah, and Baby will never say you’re not out.” Dean throws back, and Cas actually makes it to a smile this time. Dean’s left feeling accomplished. (And sort of dazed, because it’s going to take a lot more than six years for him to get used to Cas being so easily beautiful, and being it right next to him.)

“You said you loved me for the first time at the Roadhouse.” Cas says.

Dean blushes. 

“And then you ran away before I could react, got really drunk and karaoke’d I’m Too Sexy on the stage, and passed out on my lap right as I tried to say it back to you.”

This is definitely not his favorite story, but it always lights Cas up, and that’s all that matters, really - so he rolls his eyes half-heartedly and Cas smiles wider.

Silence prevails for a moment.

“Look.” Dean ends up being the one to break it. Cas listens, hanging onto each word. “You’re the only one who knows why you can’t do it, okay? My best guess would be an internalized decision to avoid conflict. Maybe you call your old therapist tomorrow - like, I dunno, a cameo from Castiel, unresolved coming-out issues sorta thing. Of course, we can talk about it too. Get six cheeseburgers and twelve beers, and figure things out on your own. But it’s up to you.” Cas exhales into a little smile. “All I know is, it doesn’t matter to anyone that you haven’t told your family, if it doesn’t matter to you. 

Cas nods, a couple of times, and there’s the barest hint of tears again, but this time doesn’t make Dean want to punch God. 

It makes him want to hug Cas, so he goes for it. 

“Even if you were in the closet, Cas? I’d say the same.” Dean adds, as an afterthought, about a minute into a hug which doesn’t seem to be nearing an end. Not really. No one minds, so there’s that. “This community, this month - everything about Pride is about all of us, and if Charlie’s ever called me handmaiden, trust me she’s said this a million times. It means everyone. Includes people in the closet, every bit as those who’re out.”

Cas hums in agreement, and tilts his head against Dean’s.

“In any case,” Dean teases. “Your family’s over in Illinois, anyways. Here, where it counts? You’re as out as you can be.”

“I could kiss you in more Wendy’s.” Cas contemplates, because he’s awesome like that.

“What has Burger King ever done to you?”

Dean listens to him considering it with a thoughtful note, and mutters a “Dork.” It helps keep him grounded for he feels like he’s floating right now - ‘cause there’s something about the way Cas holds onto him. Tighter.

Like somehow, even after all this time, they managed to fall a little more in love today. 

And somehow, they’ll keep doing it forever.

[janicho88]

Falling For You -Part 3

November

Pairing- Eventual Dean x Female!Reader,  

Word Count-3546

Warning- Fluff. Mention of serial killers. Still burning slow. 

A/N- I had an idea for a one shot, and giving a little backstory to Dean and the Reader meeting took on a life of its own. We should hit the one shot part around chapter 20, oops?  This story is AU, and un beta’d.  Thank you @waywardbeanie​ and @whatareyousearchingfordean​ for helping me keep these 2 characters in line and letting me bounce ideas off of you. 

 Summary- After being burned before you had sworn off finding love for now. Coming home from work one night there is a strange man pounding on your door.  Neither of you knew what this meeting would lead to.

Series Masterlist

Do you ever notice how quickly time goes once October hits?  In a blink November is over and suddenly Christmas is here and then we are ringing in the new year.   You aren’t even sure you remember much of the first two weeks of November this year. You did remember you had been out helping Dean a number of nights.  Work was finally back under control , but you needed to get a list around to start on your Holiday baking for the first weekend of December, Thanksgiving was next week. It seemed like you couldn’t figure out which direction to go in. 

Dean had gone to see a few houses and asked you to go with him for another opinion.  Both of you fell in love with the sixth house.  It was a two story single family home, you would have killed for the kitchen.  So much counter space for baking or cooking.  It only needed a few touch ups here or there, maybe some new paint in some of the rooms eventually, but it was move-in ready.  The previous owners already moved out of town and took all their belongings with them.  Dean had been working with a bank to be approved for a loan before finding the house, plus he had saved what he had when his house sold.  The closing was done by Friday the end of the second week.

While Dean was busy finalizing paperwork on his house, you were at your desk on your lunch hour looking through pinterest for new cookie or bar ideas. A familiar voice sounded behind you.  

“I’m back bitches!”  Turning around you saw the fiery redhead who was in charge of IT for the company.  Charlie used to work out of this office, but they had moved her to the new clinic that had opened an hour away for the last two months.  

“Things are running smoothly over there, two weeks without any problems, I get to come back to you guys now.”  She walked over to her familiar work area and tapped the Hermione figure sitting by her monitor and asked if she missed her.  “So what have I missed here?”  You and Monica filled her in, and introduced her to Anna when she came back.  The rest of the day passing fairly quickly. 

Making a quick dinner that night you received a phone call from your mom.  Her older sister had fallen and hurt her hip.  She wasn’t going to be able to travel down for Thanksgiving, so your parents were going up there.  This way your mom could help her around the house and with the meal.  Your cousins were a bit lazy, they weren’t going to do it.  She asked if you wanted to go with them, and after thinking about it for a moment, told her not to worry about you.  Your aunt's house wasn’t very big, and some other family was going up also.  That was going to be too much close family togetherness for you.

 Wiping down your counter you heard a tap at the door, slipping on shoes and grabbing your purse you headed out.  Jess and Dean were out in the hall waiting for you, the two of you offered to help Dean clean tonight before things were moved in tomorrow.  Sam was working a big case and stuck at work this evening.  The house was in good shape, it just needed a good pre move in clean.

“So Dean,” Jess started talking when you got in the car.  “Since you are going to have the most room, how about you host Thanksgiving next week?”

“What?”  He was a bit caught off guard by that.

“Your parents are coming up, so are mine, that’s seven of us in our apartment trying to cook a big dinner, you have a huge new kitchen and a dining room.”

“One, do you really trust me to make Thanksgiving dinner?”

“I didn’t say you had to make it all, we’ll help, you just have the space to have it at.”

Sitting at a red light Dean closed his eyes and let out a sigh, “If we can have the house usable by Tuesday, fine.”

“Good, Sam also told your parents they were staying at your house.”  Rolling his eyes Dean knew it was pointless to respond.  Jess turned in her seat to see you in the back, “What are you doing for Thanksgiving, Y/N?”

“Usually we go to my grandparents, but my mom called tonight and my aunt got hurt so they are all going up to her house.  I’m just going to hang out at home, watch the parade, and be lazy.”

“Apparently I’m hosting Thanksgiving, come join us.”  Dean offered, glancing at you in the back.

“I appreciate the offer, but I don’t want to intrude.”

“You won’t be, Sam already did that when he has people staying at my house that I’m not even living in yet, without telling me.”

“Okay, if you are sure, thanks.  Just let me know what I can bring.”

“Pie, lots of pie,”

Dean had already taken cleaning supplies over to the house and the three of you decided to divide and conquer.  You took the kitchen and dining room, Jess and Dean split up the two upstairs bathrooms and the master bedroom and one of the guest rooms. Whoever finishes first would start in the living room.  These rooms would be used for his parents' visit and Thanksgiving, the other rooms would be tackled if there was time.  Walls, windows, doors all scrubbed down, floors vacuumed and mopped, kitchen cupboards all wiped out.  It took you guys a few hours and everyone was beat when you headed back to the apartment building.  Sam and Dean were renting a uhaul in the morning to get Dean’s stuff from storage, you made plans to ride over with Jess to help unpack. 

Back in your apartment you looked to see what you could whip up to take with you for breakfast.  Normal cinnamon rolls would take too long, and you didn’t have the energy, but cinnamon biscuits were doable.  You made a double batch, and prepped the icing.  Figuring you would warm them in the morning and top them then.  

Dressed in a comfy old t-shirt and worn jeans sweatshirt sitting with the biscuits,  you were ready when Jess came to get you.  “Oh my, what is that smell?”

“I figured we would be working up an appetite today, so I brought breakfast rolls. Do you want one for the road?”

“Uh, yes please.”  Both of you laughing, she grabbed one out of the container while waiting for the elevator.

“Yep, Dean’s right.  Girl you can bake.”

The guys pulled up with the uhaul just as you were getting out of the car.  “Ready to start,” she asked.

“Not really, you?”

“I wish I was back in bed.”

“What are you two laughing at?” Sam inquired leaning down to give Jess a quick kiss.

“Just wishful dreams,” she told him.

Dean unlocked the house while Sam opened the truck.  They let you and Jess take some boxes, while they moved some of the furniture that came on this load.  Thankfully Dean had somewhat labeled the boxes as he packed so you knew where to drop what.  His labels gave you an idea on what was important to the man: kitchen crap, bathroom junk, living room stuff, bed things, other room bed things, you just didn’t know what was in each of those boxes, but clearly knew what was in the VINYLS, TOOLS, and MOVIES boxes.

Dean had kept most of the furniture from his old place, but did have a few new things coming.  Such as a master bedroom set, and new couch and dining room table. Those were going to be delivered Tuesday.  Jess told you he didn’t want things that reminded him of Lisa, so he sold anything that did when he moved.  

Cas came over to help in the early afternoon, bring some pizzas as an apology for missing the morning work.  The biscuits you made long gone.  Things were coming along nicely, Dean wasn’t super picky on where things went right now.  Dean gave you the job on organizing the kitchen, he said you would know best.  His only request being the coffee items were close to each other and easy to get too.  He would figure out where you put anything else later.  Placing his old coffee maker next to the plug between the sink and refrigerator, the glasses and mugs in the cabinet next to the sink and and coffee and filters above the machine. 

Jess was helping Sam set up the guest bedroom and washing the sheets for that room and Dean’s once his bed arrives.  Cas and Dean ran the wires for his tv and speakers for his record player.  Dean deemed those two things most important.  Everything was out of storage and into the house Saturday evening, put away was another story.  You offered to help on Sunday, but Dean said he wasn’t going to work on it then, taking one day of the weekend not to work and unwind a little.  He still had a few things at Sam and Jess’ place to get packed up at some point.

Thanksgiving week was always a nice work week since you were only open 3 days.  Monday and Tuesday evening you had helped at Dean’s and it was ready for Thanksgiving, his parents were arriving sometime Wednesday. 

When you left his place Tuesday night you headed home alone.  Dean was all moved in, he was out of the apartment across the hall.  It made you kinda sad to think about.  It’s going to be weird not running into him in the hall, or have him randomly come over when he was giving his brother some space.  

You opted for staying home Wednesday night instead of hitting the bar with Charlie and her friends, and decided to get the pies made.  You went with two traditional pumpkin, and one apple since Dean liked the last one so much.  When you were at the store you also picked up the ingredients to make a strawberry pretzel jello.   

Thursday morning you watched the parade in comfy pj’s on your couch with a glass of hot chocolate.  Unlike Dean coffee wasn’t your thing.  But with the chilly weather you liked something hot in the mornings. When it was warmer you would enjoy your weekend morning drinks on your balcony.

Dinner was supposed to be at two, but you headed over before noon to help with the preparations.  You put on leggings and a long sweater, Jess had told you it was more about comfort than fashion today. 

It was your turn to knock on Dean’s door for once, a pretty blonde woman answering the door.  She had a big smile on her face that turned to surprise when she saw you.

“Hello, can I help you?”

“Hi, I’m Y/N.  Dean and Jess invited me, I came over early to help with dinner.”

“Hey Y/N!”  Dean came up behind her with a big smile on his face.  “Come on in.”

“Hi Dean, I came to help, brought pies, pumpkin, apple, and a jello”  

“You don’t have to help,” he said while ushering you inside, “you did that enough with moving this week.  Y/N this is my mom Mary, mom this is Y/N.  She actually lives in the apartment across from Sam.”

“Nice to meet you dear.  I’m sorry, I was expecting Sam at the door, I didn’t know anyone else was coming.”

Getting to the kitchen Dean opened up the pies and you saw him hide one of them in the cupboard.  Shaking your head, you look around at the food out on the counters.  

“What kind of jello is this?”  Dean asked looking at the cake pan you set down.

“It’s a pretzel strawberry jello or some people call it a salad.  I didn’t think you would be too fond of that term though.”

Dean looked at you before looking back down, “Pretzel jello?  I see the jello and strawberries, and something solid under that but it doesn’t look like pretzels.  Where’s the salad part? What are you trying to feed me sweetheart?”

Rolling your eyes and shaking your head “There isn’t actual lettuce in it Dean, this time salad is referring to a side.  The solid layer is cream cheese cool whip mix, the Pretzel is the baked crust.  It’s a combination of salty and sweet.  Just try a bite, I’m not trying to sneak anything past you.  I promise it won't hurt you as much as Sam's veggie bacon.” 

Dean's face grew serious, “I thought we agreed that we don't speak of that fraud, it's not bacon. I need actual meat.”

Laughing you pat his back, “I know, I'm sorry. Now you have your own kitchen to cook real bacon.”

“Yeah or I could come to yours and let you do the work.”  He said with a smile your way

“You are always welcome at my place.”

“Now that we are done discussing the jello, what do you need me to do?”

“Y/N, seriously you don’t have to help.”

“I want to, I like cooking almost as much as baking.”

Dean moved over to the list of food Jess had made up the other day, “Turkey is stuffed and in the oven, potatoes are boiling,  the corncake hasn’t been started yet, neither has the salad, rolls are just waiting to bake.”

“Well Sam wanted the salad so he can do that, I’ll get the corncake going and in the oven.”

Sam, Jess, and her parents arrived a short time later.  The guys all ended up in the living room watching football and left you four ladies in the kitchen.  Mary started to ask Dean where his mixer was, but he told her to talk to you since you organized the kitchen.  While working on last minute touches Mary turned and looked at you.

“How long have you and Dean been dating?”

Jess started laughing while you stuttered out an answer, “Oh, uh no we, we aren’t, we’re just friends.”

“They are both in denial about having any feelings for each other.”

“Jess!  There are no feelings to be in denial about, we’re just friends, that’s it.”

“I’ll let you know when they catch up with what the rest of us know, Mary.” You turned back to setting the table shaking your head at her.

Dinner was great, and the conversation was even better.  Dean’s dad was a little intimidating at first, but grew on you as the meal progressed.  Dean sat next to you and before he took a bite of his jello he picked up the bowl and looked it over and made you promise him he wouldn’t regret it.  He took his time chewing, bobbing his head around while you awaited the final verdict.

“It’s actually pretty good.” You just gave him a little nod, holding back your laugh at his behavior before going back to your own food.  

The guys migrated back to the television after a while, and the four of you cleaned up.  Dean came in a few times, but you sent him back out.  When the first game ended the men came back for dessert.   Jess brought out pumpkin bread and apple crisp her and her mom made and Dean carried the pies over.

“Y/N made pumpkin pie,”  Dean told the others.

Leaning over to whisper in his ear, “You keeping the apple for yourself?”

Giving you a little grin he nodded,  “You know it sweetheart.”  Laughing you didn’t notice Mary watching your exchange across the table. 

 Looking through the ads with Jess you made plans to go out with her and her mom the next morning.  Mary was watching the two of you, and you asked if she wanted to join. Jess quickly looked up and told Mary how much fun it would be if the four of you went together.

Sam tried to talk everyone into playing a new game he picked up. When he finally got everyone, even Dean to agree to join he went out to the car to retrieve it.  Coming back in empty handed swearing he put it in the car, but unable to find it.  He went looking through some of Dean’s things for the deck of cards he swore he didn’t have striking out again.  Dean told him if he wanted to play games he needed to host Thanksgiving and went back to watching the football game.  Jess was sitting beside you unusually quiet the whole time.

“Did you know he forgot the game?” You whispered to her.

“He didn’t forget it, who do you think took it out of the car?”  Quickly covering your laugh with a cough she continued. “It was a trivia game about serial killers that used a courtroom type setup.  The box said something about cross examining, objecting and redirecting.  It seriously wasn’t happening, I get enough lawyer talk at home.”   

At five am the next morning you decided Jess had too much energy.  She had you leaving the apartment building by 3:30, then picked up Mary before hitting the mall.  You drove the 40 minutes to Ann Arbor because Jess wanted to go to the bigger mall.  Luckily the temperature was in the high 30’s this morning and you didn’t have to wait outside long.  There are years you have stood outside in the snow waiting to get in a store.

You had a few things on your list, but no clue for some people.  You weren't great at coming up with gifts, especially at this hour. You walked past one store front before stopping abruptly, and Jess walked into your back.

“Sorry, I wasn't thinking.  I’m going to run in here real quick, I’ll catch up with you guys in a minute.”  The display in the window made you think of Dean and you went into get him a house warming present.

Stopping in the food court for a break later, Mary had a question for you, “Call me crazy, but didn’t you say something about apple pie yesterday when you arrived?”

You started laughing, “ I did, Dean apparently hid it when he took it to the kitchen.  He had some last time I made one and decided he didn’t want to share this one.”

Mary was talking to you more about Dean.  “He seems so much happier now than when he left.  He was in a dark place for a while, that girl hurt him bad.  I ran into her in town, and she had the nerve to talk to me like everything was fine.  I gave her a piece of my mind and John had to pull me away.”  She paused for a minute before continuing, “Dean has mentioned hanging out with a new friend a number of times I’ve talked to him.  I think that person has made a big difference in his happiness, and I hope they stick around for a long time.” 

You weren’t really sure what to say, you gave her a little smile, and told her Dean was an amazing guy who didn’t deserve to be treated like he had been. 

After running errands on Saturday you stopped over at Dean’s.  He was surprised to see you at the door and invited you into the living room where he was talking with his parents.

“Oh, I’m sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to drop something off.”

“You’re fine sweetie, you aren’t interrupting anything.  We were just chit chatting, but we should actually start to get some of our things around.  We fly out tomorrow morning.  John, we should go pick up the room, and pack what we don’t need tonight.”

“I did that earlier.’

“Well you should double check it, just in case.  You two talk, we’ll be back later.”  Pushing John out of the room they headed upstairs.

“I didn’t mean to chase them away, I just wanted to drop off your house warming gift.”

“Thank you, you really didn’t have to get me anything.  Your help was a huge present,”  Dean told you, taking the wrapped box out of your hands.

“I wanted to, just open it.”

“Oh Sweetheart, she is a beauty.”  You had gotten him a new Keurig coffee maker, this one could make a whole pot, or a single pod.  He mentioned he had been fighting with his old one, and you knew how important coffee was to him, especially in the morning.  

“This way, you can make yourself a single cup if you just can’t wait for the whole pot to finish, or if you want one later.”

“This is great, thanks Y/N.  You did well, especially for a non-coffee drinker,”  he finished with a teasing grin. 

“I should get going, let you enjoy your last night with your parents.”

“You don’t have to, Sam and Jess should be over soon, her parents left today.”

“Thanks, but I don’t want to interfere with family time.  Tell your parents it was nice meeting them, I hope they have a safe trip back.  I’ll see you around Dean.”

Part 4 

Thank you for reading!

Tags  @talesmaniac89 @katehuntington @winchest09 @flamencodiva @whatareyousearchingfordean @waywardbeanie @deanwanddamons @smol-and-grumpy @emoryhemsworth @anathewierdo @malfoysqueen14 @superfanficnatural @jensengirl83 @atc74 @sandlee44 @akshi8278  @fantasydevil2002

Falling For You tags- @halesandy @abuavnee​ @hearteyes-j2 @vicmc624 @440mxs-wife @wonder-cole  @maralisa124

[mattzerella-sticks]

metamorphosis

Chapter 1 (ao3)

Prologue (ao3) (tumblr)

What if, when Jack was born, he stayed a baby?

A retelling of season 13, with a few key differences.

No planned schedule, will update when I finish chapters lol

Chapter 1 - Dean I

           “Cas?”

           Dean waited, watching Cas’s lips. He waited for his name to be spoken, said in that same mixture of fondness and exasperation and gravel that ticked the tempo of his heart up a notch. He waited for his angel to smile, then tell Dean that he’s fine; that it wasn’t more than a scratch, that he’s still here.

           Any minute now.

           “…Cas?” Dean’s voice sounded scratchy, raw, like a needle ripped through a spinning record. He blinked back his tears, embarrassed, because Cas might wake soon and see him break, see him not be strong enough. His gaze broke from Cas’s bluing lips, staring at the starless sky above. He saw night begin its transition to early morning, a sun sliver dipping into the horizon, and wondered how long Cas will play with him like this. How long will Cas pretend to lie there? How long will Cas insist that he’s –

           “Cas!” Even with the extra help from gravity, Dean couldn’t stop the pinprick tears tracing their way down to his ears, wetness setting his skin aflame. He choked on a sob, the rubber band of his body snapping and recoiling into itself. His shoulders shook. He squeezed tight to his stomach. Dean closed his eyes, but inside that shuttered darkness was Cas, emerging from the portal. Cas with the blade in his hand. Cas with a blade, poking out his chest. “Oh… oh, God…”

           He’s really gone. He’s gone and Dean hurt. Dean hurt so much.

           Dean cracked one eye open, then another. In his periphery, he saw the tips of Cas’s limp fingers lying in the dirt along with the rest of his body.

           It was something he has wanted to do for some time now. Dean noticed what happens halfway into its journey, his trembling hand hovering over Cas’s. He lowered it cautiously. When there’s barely an inch of space separating his middle finger from Cas’s knuckles, Dean stopped. Dean couldn’t close that final gap. He stared at the emptiness between them, small but terrifyingly infinite, and was frozen in terror.

           “Dean!”

           Sam’s call stirred him from that horrid trance, urgency reminding Dean of all else that happened. Of Crowley’s sacrifice, of the portal closing, of mom on the other side; those events crashed into him like a terrible wave, washing him out into a roaring sea that denied him any sense or reason. Standing, legs ready to give out on him at any moment, Dean stumbled towards where he last heard his brother.

           He forgot about the steps. Sam caught him, guiding him past the threshold and into the cabin with lumbering haste. Dean’s vision returned to him soon, though. He drew Sam further to his side, for a loose hug, then shoved his brother’s oafish frame off of him. Dean supported himself using the wall instead. “What?” he asked, growling, “What is it?”

           Sam tried to speak but got cutoff by a shrill cry coming from another room. Sam shrugged, jerking his head to where, Dean guesses, the crying originated. He’d also take a stab at who’s responsible for crying, too.

           Kelly’s son. Lucifer’s son. The whole damned reason Dean’s life lay shattered in the clearing out back.

           Hearing those whines and sobs rattle the cabin’s chilly silence helped harden what remained of his heart, enough so that the baby’s shrieking echoed in the hollow chambers of Dean’s chest. It made what he must ask next much easier. “You didn’t kill him yet?”

           Sam visibly startled, jaw clenched that familiar way Dean knows meant an argument brewed within; his brother’s puppy dog features deceived, hiding his true feelings. Again, as Sam readied to speak, the baby took his cue and interrupted with a damning wail. Sam pressed his lips into a thin, mangled line while he waited his turn.

           A minute passed, and it’s doubtful the little guy would lose steam soon. Dean sighed. He pushed off the wall, passing Sam as he followed the noisy little bastard. Sam stayed right behind him, heavy footsteps and chiding tone mixing with the crying to shred Dean’s nerves into oblivion. “You are not doing this, Dean,” Sam hissed, tugging on his elbow, “we need to talk about it first –“

           “Who can talk over all this racket!” He wrenched his arm free, storming into the baby’s nursery while Sam dawdled under the doorframe. Their entrance meant little to the newborn, who continued crying despite their entrance. “And I’m not killing him –“ he kept his yet stored in the barrel of his mouth, unfired, conscious of how it will be received in the moment – “gonna shut him up for a while, s’all…” Dean punctuated his claim by grabbing the baby, Jack if the painted name on the crib meant anything, and tucking him into the crook of his arm. He bounced him like he did Sam decades ago, like he would for any normal baby, cooing sweet nothing that tumbled out of him as if they were sand in a broken hourglass, shards mixed within. Dean spied a rocking chair in the corner and, with Sam’s piercing gaze studying him, Dean collapsed into it.

           That seemed to work. Dean’s gentle rocking, paired with a hummed lullaby cherrypicked from his past, put the hellion in his arms at ease. Jack stared up, transfixed by what Dean guessed is the tall lamp casting a gentle glow on them both; a lamp Sam, now in the room and by his side, flicked on after Dean sat down. It must be the center of his focus, because Dean wouldn’t believe the baby looked at him like he did; like he’s a bright and beautiful thing, deserving of attention, of being the center of his known universe. He didn’t want that, especially from him.

           Dean swallowed a curse and ended their contest, sure if he looked into the baby’s eyes any longer, he would damn the consequences and wring the life from this tiny body nestled in his hands. He waited for Jack’s fit to tamper lower and lower, rising only after a moment of uninterrupted silence. Dean carried Jack back, returning him to his crib. He added another mistake into the column of ever-increasing errors and glanced at Lucifer’s kid a final time. He examined him, searching for little horns or a tail or tattoos of sixes; he found nothing. Nothing that proved he’s more than a child, innocent and carefree.

           Sam hung by his shoulder, buzzing halo bothersome in Dean’s ear. “I think he likes you.”

           Dean huffed under breath, “I wish I could say the same.”

           He left. Sam trailed in his wake; tread heavy from being constipated with a smug righteousness Dean dreaded will be shat all over him when Sam had the chance. He was silent until the kitchen, then Sam struck. “His mother just died, Dean.”

           Dean shrugged, “So did ours.” He expected that to feel weird saying, but it hadn’t. Sam gaped at him, like it had. Maybe Dean’s in shock. Maybe he was too used to having a dead mom. Dean carried on regardless. “If you think a sob story’s gonna convince me of anything, try hitting me when the kids got enough pages to fill a book larger than Moby Dick’s, or ours. Right now, he’s a table of contents and not much else.”

           “Exactly,” Sam needled, poking Dean’s chest. Dean swat him away with the refrigerator door, creating a makeshift barrier to protect himself from Sam’s crusade. He dug around for something to drink, something boozy, as Sam prattled. “Look, Dean, we… I know our thing is – our thing is killing monsters but, Dean, he’s a baby. He – he didn’t do anything –“

           “He was conceived,” Dean said, “that’s enough for me.” His groping fingers pushed aside the carton of milk for a third time; he still couldn’t find the beer.

           “That wasn’t his fault.” Sam rested his hand over Dean’s where it rested on the refrigerator door, pleading for Dean to look at him by touch alone. Dean relented, darting his eyes for a fleeting glance. Sam’s brows were drawn in like a steep hill, and he appeared absolutely ghastly because of the refrigerator’s light. Dean fell back to his mission. “Lucifer… he set this in motion, and we’ve dealt with him.”

           “And what did it cost us?”

           Sam sighed. “Everyone we lost knew what this was about,” he told Dean, “knew how it might end. They were ready to risk their lives for this.”

           “We were here to take down Lucifer, end of story,” Dean spat, knocking items onto the floor in his fervor. He tore through like a whirlwind, throwing food everywhere. Eggs, lettuce, ketchup and pickles – no beer though. Dammit. “And with the kid kicking, we haven’t even finished our mission.”

           “Jack is not Lucifer!” Sam squeezed Dean’s wrist, begging for more attention. Dean’s spiteful, rigid glare burned a hole in the back of the fridge. He refused to move even an inch. “He’s a baby, and we… we kill monsters. We kill the ones who have no chance of being saved. He was just born, Dean. He had no choice in that.”

           “Who’s to say that he won’t choose to be a monster, once he’s old enough?”

           Sam strangled his wrist, now, Dean’s fingers numbing because of his brother’s impassioned grip. “We’ll make sure. We’ll raise him right.”

           This drew Dean out of the refrigerator. “We?” he laughed, bitterness churning in his gut. “We, really? You think…” Dean didn’t finish, speechless at the insanity Sam presented. He and Sam, raising Lucifer’s kid? He and Sam, sheltering the baby who ruined their lives? He and Sam… “I hate to break it to you, Sammy,” he continued, his voice returning, “but this ain’t the nineties. We can’t have it all, clearly. And we are not taking that kid in like some muddy stray.”

           “Cas wanted to raise him.”

           Dean gagged. The toxic rush of seconds ago disappeared, spilling out from the seam Sam pulled loose.

           Sam, at least, was aware enough to briefly mime an apology. His face contorted into a pained expression, exaggerated to better mangle his earlier fury. However, that’s smoothed and replaced with sterner features as he detached himself from his words, and the ugliness that they inspired. He stood tall, committed to the outburst, and from the curl of his scowl, Dean wouldn’t expect him to take back what’s been said. It will linger like the other ghosts.

           If that was how he wanted to do this.

           “Sure,” Dean agreed, “and that got him what, exactly?” He slammed the refrigerator door, startling both of them and the baby. Jack’s wailing picked up where he left off, although sharper and more annoying. Dean pushed into Sam, instinct urging him to soothe like he did earlier. Dean stopped himself, hesitating. He spun on his heel, leaving where he came in.

           Sam shouted, “You can’t just run away Dean!”

           “I’m getting some air, is all!” he yelled back, ripping the door off its hinges in his haste to leave.

           A terrifying gust rammed into him almost immediately, giving him the very air he craved. Then, a second wind blows in the opposite direction; stealing his breath as his gaze landed on the body of his angel, immobile, with black skid marks in a shoddy recreation of what might be wings splayed beside him like oddly bent branches. Dean blindly descended, too focused with Cas’s form than the stairs. When his feet reached solid, uneven ground, Dean slowed to a glacial pace. Cas didn’t react.

           Dean tried not to, too. Hand at his cheek, wiping some more stray tears, Dean failed.

           He ripped himself away, jogging from the backyard space towards the front where his true escape was. Dean white knuckled his keys, jagged teeth biting into the palm of his hand. Pain kept him from spiraling, from thinking, from staying there. And when he couldn’t use pain, key nestled in the ignition instead of his hand, Dean had the next best thing – open roads.

           The engine roared, overpowering the blood rushing past his ears. Dean demolished the speed limit easily, bulleting across the asphalt, pedal his trigger. It’s early enough he needn’t worry about highway patrolmen or wayward pedestrians. He drove fast, loose, and recklessly. Fuck Vin Diesel, Dean thought. Vin had nothing on him.

           Kelly’s cabin was a blurry spot in his rearview mirror, a speck he might scratch off with his nail if he pleased. Trees became indistinguishable from each other. Not that it mattered, Dean’s tunnel vision blocking his periphery. His eyes remained fixed ahead of him, uncharacteristically so. It took most his focus to keep like that, hands cramping on the wheel from throttling it. He counted dash after dash and tallied potholes as he hit them, stuffing his mind with senseless figures other than the lone one he abandoned in the field.

           Soon, Dean reached a nearby town. The greenery became sparser, leaves and wood replaced by buildings and city blocks and lampposts and streetlights. He hit his first light, a blip of red flashing for attention. Thoughtlessly, Dean flattened his foot against the brake; Baby’s tires squealing as she fought momentum. Dean knocked against his dashboard from the force, falling back only after his car fully stopped. He couldn’t see the streetlight dangling above. Dean knew he sat over the line, his Baby’s hood hanging in the intersection, asking for an accident.

           A second later, and what he was driving from caught up to him.

           Dean gasped, curling in on himself, hands glued to the wheel. His body seized with sobs that bruise, each tremor punching his gut. He used what little strength he had and glanced at his reflection. That speck on his rearview, that he foolishly clawed at, didn’t disappear; it was caught in his bloodshot eyes.

           He couldn’t continue driving like this.

           Red light, green light, it didn’t matter now. Dean crawled along to the nearest lot that belonged to a tacky chain eatery. Parking inside, Dean threw his car door open and spilled free of his Baby. He fell to his knees, hissing, denim ripping on impact and gravel scratching his skin. Dean staggered to his feet. Blood trickled down his leg from the open wound on his knee. He walked forward, dazed, while Baby idled at an angle, keys trapped in her ignition. If it were later in the day, someone might steal her. If Dean were acting like himself, he might care.

           He didn’t go far. Dean slowed as he approached the fast-food joint, stopping inches from the backdoor. His bottom lip wobbled, Dean raking his hair with twitching fingers. He stared at the door, at the wooden sign hanging by a single, rusted nail. It depicted a stereotypical pirate, with hat, beard, and eyepatch, painted on a blue background and encircled by cartoonish rope that framed this pirate’s face along with an oblong addition underneath of the word ‘BUCCANEERS’. The pirate glared ahead, at some far point, as if Dean weren’t there blocking it.

           But he was. Dean was here, while everyone else – everyone he cared about…

           “Why me?” he muttered, “Why’s it always… why do I have to deal with it, with the after, with picking up the pieces of someone else’s mess.” Dean growled, head bowed, eyes unflinchingly locked with the pirate’s. “Mom… Crowley… Ca” – he stuttered on his name, wounds still too fresh – “you’re gonna bring him back. You’re gonna bring them all back. After everything I’ve done for this shithole, that I’ve been through, it’s the least that I’m owed. I deserve to… I – I don’t deserve this.”

           The pirate ignored his pleas, it couldn’t answer him. And Chuck, apparently, wouldn’t answer him.

           “…Okay.”

           Dean launched himself at the pirate, picturing a brown beard instead of black, and a grayish blue eye where a black one was painted. He smashed it with one punch, face splintering and spraying everywhere. Dean continued wrecking it, nearly destroying the door in his fury. Aiming a final blow, Dean hit the sign off the nail and sent it flying from view.

           Exhausted, knuckles as bloody as his knee, Dean collapsed near the stacked crates and leaning pallets.

           A shudder traveled across his body, from the top of his head, dragged along each vertebra like a sharp, clawed finger, and finally making his legs seize and stretch out in front of him. Dean vacuumed in a deep breath, chest ballooning to contain it. He won’t release it willingly.

           “Dude…”

           Coughing, Dean glanced up at some teenager standing nearby, gaping at the scene. He wore a large brown jacket a shade lighter than his skin over a deep blue polo that matches the visor currently worn like a headband, so his bangs wouldn’t  his face. A ring of keys dangled in his hands. Keys that, Dean guessed, were for opening the very door he pummeled as if it were a punching bag.

           “Hey, man,” the teen asked, glancing between Dean and the wrecked door, “are you… like, good? Do I need to call someone?”

           A repairman. The teen’s manager. Neither would do Dean any good, but both will need to know about the damage he did to the property.

           Dean groaned, climbing to his feet. He swayed with the breeze, a lone willow in this blacktop clearing. Some of the blood from his knuckles drippled like morning dew would off its leaves. He advanced, the teen tensing as he moves closer. Their shoulders brushed, the younger of the two stumbling back a few inches, cowering in Dean’s presence. Dean thought he should say something, let him know there’s nothing to be afraid of.

           That felt like too much of a damned lie, so he caught the words in his throat and swallowed them down.

           He returned to his car, starting it like nothing happened, like his skin hadn’t torn and tears weren’t drying on his cheeks as he refused to wipe them off. Dean tapped the pedal and drove off. He drove the same path he took earlier, only in reverse. He drove to Kelly’s cabin, and all that waited for him there.

           Dean parked sloppily, again; however, pocketing his keys this time as he left Baby. He didn’t acknowledge the front door, shuffling into the backyard for another glimpse of Cas’s body.

           Cas was gone. His wings were still there, and Sam was, too.

           Sam dropped a stack of branches onto a large pile he must have begun gathering after Dean fled. He rubbed at his neck, steadily avoiding where Dean’s gaze was by looking at the pile. “I moved him,” he explained, “I figured we might as well start on the… on the pyres for him, and Kelly.” Sam paused. He grabbed a lone branch, snapping a twig from it. “I didn’t do anything else. Figured you would want to…”

           “Yeah.” Dean blinked, then imagined the shadows burnt into the ground rising and rising, flapping determinately, until they vanished. He blinked. Those wings hadn’t moved an inch.

           Dean headed into the cabin.

           He spied Cas’s body immediately, laid atop the kitchen table. Sam rearranged him during transit, closing his eyes and setting Cas’s arms at his sides. If he weren’t thinking about it constantly, weren’t reminded of Cas’s current state with every beat of his own heart, Dean might believe Cas was asleep. Or, at the very least, imitating it, since angels can’t sleep. They can’t eat. There’s a lot they can’t do. And Cas won’t ever not do any of that, not anymore.

           Sighing, Dean circled the table while tracing the edges of it with his fingertips. He reached the other side, where a gauzy pair of curtains hung. Dean swung his arm outward, going through the motions to free them. It’s quick work.

           Wrapping Cas with these curtains will take a lifetime.

            Dean started by lifting Cas’s head and slipping a strip underneath. He cradled him, unnaturally soft tufts of hair tickling his fingers. Holding Cas in such a manner encouraged further action, tempted Dean to do more. He succumbed to these voices, the fast few hours since they last sung weakened his resolve. Dean ran his bloodied knuckles across Cas’s face. He stained deathly pale skin red. He hissed, stubble like sandpaper against his cuts. He left no wrinkle untouched.

           Finally, Dean switched to his thumb and pressed it just below Cas’s lips.

           It’s maddening, touching Cas like this, like he always wanted. He dreamt of being able to for longer than he could remember. Daydreams and fantasies of Dean, curled into Cas’s side, leisurely and lovingly memorizing every inch of the other’s face. Those moments were always pretend, too human to ever be real, to expect from an angel like Cas. Now, as his thumb swept along the bow of Cas’s lips, Dean paid his respects to the thousands of imagined mornings and nights that would not be. Dean worshiped Cas in a way he never wanted to, but in the only way he’d ever be allowed to.

           “I’m sorry…” Dean placed a featherlight kiss to the corner of Cas’s mouth. Then, unable to bear looking at him, he wrapped the curtain over his face.

           He shrouded the rest of Cas’s body with military precision, robotically completing his ritual. Dean hovered at his side, tightly clutching the final knot in Cas’s wrappings. His head hung listlessly, the foundations of a prayer forming on his tongue. He gnashed his teeth together, smashing it, and the sentiment’s remains tumbled backwards. It ripped apart his insides like glass. The only person who would listen, who’d care, who might heal this hurt, couldn’t.

           Cas was –

           Dean let go, marching into the backyard. Silently Dean joined Sam, amassing wood in his stead while Sam assembled the pyres.

           Together, they completed their duties by sundown. It might have been sooner if Sam didn’t slack off to play nursemaid to Lucifer’s kid. He ran off at the slightest bit of static coming from the garish, incongruently colored baby monitor clipped onto his belt loop, dragging their duties out because of intermittent breaks. When they finally set Cas and Kelly on their respective pyres, the sky darkened to the same shade it was that they lost both of them.

           Dean handled the fire. He struck two matches from a box buried in a kitchen drawer, then tossed them into the kindling. Sam, meanwhile, held a very fussy baby that showed no respect for ceremony. His piercing shrieks rung out clearly, somehow amplified by the open space. And as Jack’s cries mixed with the roar and crackle of flames, along with Sam mindlessly grunting back in a desperate plea for Jack to stop, Dean gave in. He stole Jack from Sam, nestling the baby against his chest.

           His temper lessened while in Dean’s arms, and Jack soon quieted.

           Dean felt Sam’s stare on his profile once more, an uncomfortable heat much different than what radiated from the cremating bodies before them. He hated it, being gawked at like some zoo animal. Yet Dean refused to turn, to bark at Sam that this momentary lapse meant nothing.

           He’s only exhausted. Too tired to shutter the devastation on his face, every crack of Dean’s heart was on full display. He’s not in the mood to fight with Sam, either, aware he needed him more than he needed to lash out. He’s broken and couldn’t even manage the energy to toss Jack into the fires like he imagined himself doing.

           Instead, Dean embraced him. He watched the smoke of his angel’s body drift upwards, Cas leaving him for good, forever, and rested his chin against the small, soft head of Cas’s destroyer.

Tagged List:

@llamasdumpsterfire

[thewhumperinwhite]

Cafe: Showers

Previous:  Teaser 1 / Teaser 2 / Hospital/Squad Car / No More Squad Car / Empty Bar / Used Car Lot 1 / Used Car Lot 2 / Gas Station / Roadside 1 / Roadside 2 / Forest / Treetops / Cottage (1) / Cottage (2) / Interlude: Police Station / Cottage (3) / Cottage/Car Ride / Clinic / Clinic 2 / Clinic 3 / Clinic 4

Just a short lil update cause I’m.... really barely holdin it together atm lmao

TW for: nonsexual nudity I guess; panic attack; referenced death/murder of a parent; referenced gore/body horror; minor self-injury vibes (almost giving yourself hypothermia/hair pulling); child whumpee (emotional whump)

@whumpitywhumpwhump, @gottalovethemwriters, @stephsspilledthoughts

----

Sam Rochester’s hair has always knotted too easy. She remembers, or kind of remembers anyway, that her mom used to work the knots out, before she left, but her dad was always in despair about them. The few times she asked for his help he about tore her bald and threw the hairbrush hard enough to crack the mirror and they ended up screaming at each other and making Leah cry. Which is kind of how it was with him in general.

He was her daddy, though. She did love him, even if she screamed at him sometimes.

Even if it turned out she could still pull the trigger.

Sam’s seen Doc O’Brien’s clinic from her dad’s car lots of times, but she’s never been in it, ‘cause Daddy never liked Doc O’Brien. He always said it was cause he was gay which Daddy thought was about the dumbest thing you could be but Sam also knows they went to school together and that Doc O’Brien was on the football team and Daddy wasn’t, so she thinks maybe that was part of it too.

The clinic used to be somebody’s house, and it still looks like that from outside; Doc O’Brien bought it before Sam was born and made the whole bottom floor into the clinic. Sam already knew that Doc lived upstairs from the clinic because her daddy used to say that he’d blow his brains out before he ever lived that close to his work.

He used to say that, sometimes. “I’d blow my fucking brains out before I’d do that,” he’d say. Sam keeps thinking about that, now. “I’d blow my fucking brains out.” She can’t decide if it makes her feel worse or better to think about it. Anyway, he didn’t have to, because he spit blood all over the floor and jumped at Leah and bit her hard, right next to her neck, and made Sam do it for him.

Sam locks the door to Doc O’Brien’s bathroom harder than she needs to. It’s an old door because the whole house is old, up here where he didn’t change it when he made the clinic, which she thinks means it wouldn’t stop anything that really needed stopping. But it makes her feel a little bit better, to have it locked.

Doc O’Brien is single and old whether he likes guys or not so she expects his bathroom to look like her dad’s, dirty and all the soaps half-empty. It’s a little better than that, though, cleaner, and there’s a scented candle unlit on the counter. Sam picks it up and smells it; it smells a little like Christmas but mostly like dust, so she guesses the bathroom isn’t that much better than her dad’s, really. The shower is clean but you can tell it’s old, the bathtub part is yellow and the paint is peeling up by the ceiling where it’s been wet too long to stick.

It’s—good, she thinks. Like a person’s house. She’s never had a real conversation with Doc O’Brien before, and she isn’t scared of him—she isn’t scared of anything, she wasn’t too scared to pull the trigger so that means there’s nothing that can scare her anymore—but it makes her feel better to know his bathroom’s old and dirty. The downstairs is clean, she guesses ‘cause it’s all a doctor’s office, really. Up here—up here it feels less like being in a mean teacher’s house.

 The water runs hot, too. Sam says a little prayer to thank God for that because her hair has always knotted too easy but it’s never been knotted like this, tangled up with running through the woods and then those tangles splattered with blood and some of it’s her dad’s; she’s gone hunting with him before but you don’t shoot deer up close like she shot him, you shoot them far away so you don’t see the way the bullet pushes their head out of shape, so the blood can’t spray forward and hit you, hot like this shower water, and stick in your hair and hold it in knots.

She doesn’t even notice herself deciding to do it but Sam reaches out for the faucet and slams the water all the way back to cold, so cold it hurts and makes her shake and gasp but doesn’t feel like blood spray.

Sam washes her hair in cold water, working out the knots with her fingers. She closes her eyes when she does it, and breathes slow until the world goes away, until there’s just the snarls of her hair slowly unraveling. She doesn’t watch the water turn pink as it goes down the drain.

 ----

The little girl—Sam—is taking too fucking long in the shower. Pax had to argue hard to get the Doc to give them plastic to wrap their bandages in so they can wash their blood-matted hair without getting their new bandages wet, and now they would like to make good on that twenty minutes of arguing please, so they’re hovering outside the bathroom door, and right as they raise their fist to pound on it a little wail issues from inside.

It’s a very specific sound—the sound you make when you’ve been trying to hold it in for too long and made it worse by holding your breath. Against their better judgement they put their ear to the door and they can hear, faintly under the sound of the water, the kid sobbing hard and fast enough she might actually be hyperventilating.

They wait a couple seconds, chewing their lip. Pax’s never had siblings or anything. They don’t really know that much about kids. Also, in fairness, she did shoot them.

But the gasping-sobbing-wailing meltdown noises are getting worse instead of better so after another few seconds they call reluctantly. “Hey, you, uh.” They clear their throat. “You good in there, Shotgun Sally?”

“—can’t—get the knots out,” the little voice says, barely audible, and then the girl properly wails, “I can’t get the knots out!”

Now they can hear her sobbing better, too, like once she’s starting talking she’s given up on trying to be quiet.

Pax frowns at the door, kind of baffled. “Out… of your hair…?” they say slowly. The kid does have pretty long hair, they think, though they can’t remember much else about it.

Instead of answering, the little girl cries, loudly, with a lot of wailing and gasping.

Pax does not know this kid, but listening to it fucking sucks.

“Kid, Jesus,” they say, knocking on the door, like that will help in any way. “You want me to do it?”

Sam does not react to this at all, like she hasn’t even heard it, except that the noises she is making are edging out of “wailing” and into something better described as “screaming.”

And, look. Pax doesn’t know anything about kids. But they do know a thing or too about hair, and picturing the kid tearing her hair out by the roots in attempt to get blood and guts out of it is—making it hard to listen to her panic.

“Kid,” they say, trying to project their voice without yelling, “kid, put some fucking conditioner in it, jesus, it’ll be—c’mon—kid, fucking, Christ, will you relax?”

The little girl will not, apparently, relax.

This is fucking stupid, Pax thinks, and then they take a step back, wind up, and kick the door open.

It takes exactly one try, because it’s an old house with old doors, which means they don’t have a lot of time to figure out what they’re actually going to do once they’ve succeeded in getting the door open.

The little girl is hovered on the floor of the bathtub, her hair a horrible rats nest she is clearly in the act of ripping out with her fingers, and she is now staring at Pax with very big eyes, still gasping and hiccupping.

It’s also fucking freezing in here.

Pax sticks their hand in the water, which is running full blast and is so cold they draw back with a yelp. They slam it off with their other hand and then grab a towel hanging from the rack next to the tub and drop it unceremoniously over the little girl’s head, earning a noise like a startled cat.

Without the water noise it becomes clear that she is shivering, badly. Pax sits down heavily on the lid of the toilet, almost relieved, because at least that means they didn’t kick down a bathroom door for no reason.

“Christ,” they say, a little out of breath. “You lookin’ to get hypothermia, cause this seems like a pretty good way—to—”

They trail off, because the little girl has curled up under the towel without uncovering her head and is now crying properly. It sounds less like a panic episode, but it does not sound particularly fun.

Pax sighs.

“Look, kid,” they say quietly, watching the little towel-covered lump shiver and shake. “You want me to fix your hair for you?”

Sam pulls the towel down to fall around her shoulders instead, and looks up at Pax with big wet eyes, mouth still twisted up with crying. “I don’t want,” she says, with a little effort. “D’you promise not to—pull on it?”

“Ha,” Pax says, getting to their feet so they can rifle through the Doc’s cabinets. “What do I look like, a fuckin’ amateur?”

[supernaturallyobsessedchic]

Our Work Never Ends

I originally called this Wayward Sisters, this just popped in my head. This is a rough that I’m allowing you to see. I will be editing it from time to time. 

Just let me know what ya’ll think. Please.

[Couldn’t find the Empty version of Lucifer]

Summary: Two girls come together for a common cause. Find Dean.

Pairing: None

Set: Well after Season 15 (Assuming Sam and Dean die in the finale (which they better not, bitch I’ll riot…no jk, I’ll die from the heartbreak alone.)) a couple of years or so after.

Mobile Masterlist

A/N: Cassie Robinson x Dean (Season 1); Sarah Blake x Sam (Season 1) (Died in Season 8, has a daughter), just something.

~

Ever wondered, what happens to a man when he hears his wife died of natural causes, but when the information was being told to him, it didn’t seem natural. Not to him. After Crowley killed Sarah with a hex bag, suffocating her to death. Sam wanted to break the news to her husband Ian, with their daughter, who was turning 6 at the time that their mother was dead. Sam couldn’t bring himself to tell Ian a snot nosed lie. But he couldn’t tell the truth either.

Ian turned into a hunter, shortly after the news of Sarah. He wanted revenge. Avenge his wife’s death. But, having little to no knowledge under his belt. A werewolf was all it took to end his, short, hunting days. Beth was 13 when her father died.

-

Growing up in the south with a half black and half white mother can lead to bullying. But not for Kaylee. She had her dad’s blood in her veins and Cassie knew it.

Yet another call from the school about a fight she was yet again involved in, proved to her she was Dean’s daughter. Sure she did the DNA testing, months after he left to go hunting with Sam after saving her family from a racist ghost truck, she had something of his. A stray hair was all it took to confirm she was Dean’s daughter.

She had to tell her about her dad. She always asked when she was a kid about her daddy. So she decided to tell her about her dad. Dean Winchester. A hunter, who hunts monsters. She was 14 when she learned this.

-

Three years later…

The girls are not of age yet. But armed with pictures, one of her dad, and one of her mom. All it took was a topic about monsters and the supernatural to bring the two girls together.

Kaylee, now 17 years old, she’s on her way to turning 18, rents a room out for them. To chat in a more controlled environment.

“So, you’re looking for your dad?” Beth asked.

“Yeah. My dad,” she began. And shrugged. “My mom says he hunts monsters. Supernatural monsters, ghosts, demons that whole rep.” she said.

“My dad is looking for—well was looking for, a man by the name Sam Winchester. He told my dad about my mom’s death. He might help me about my dad’s.” she explained.

“Huh, my dad’s name is Dean Winchester. Maybe we’ll both get what we want if we stick together.” Kaylee suggests.

“Yeah. I agree.” Beth says.

-

The girls got up bright an early the next day, checked out and left. Kaylee having to hotwire and steal a car. A parked, police car, a 2019 Dodge Charger, solid black with police lights on top.

“We are so going to jail.” Beth groaned.

“Shut up, I know what I’m doing kid.” Kaylee said as she quietly pulled out of the parking lot unnoticed.

Pulling into an abandoned garage several miles away.

Thought it may look abandoned, but Kaylee is familiar with the area. Her ex-boyfriend dabbled in cars. Taught her how to fix them up, hotwire, steal even turn a cop car into a nonpolice car. This also happened to be her ex-boyfriends garage.

She managed, with the tools he had lying around, to get under the hood and gank the gps tracker attached to the engine. She even managed to unhook the dashcam and, ditched the plates, lights and siren. Destroying the important stuff. Like the trackers and cameras so no one would find them, hack into it and manage to get any kind of information from the trackers and cameras.

It was starting to get late in the day, night was soon approaching.

“We’re staying here for the night. I need to work on the car more.” Kaylee says.

“Where are we gonna sleep?” Beth asks.

“Over there, the mechanic always has a place to crash while working.” She says, pointing to a spare room in the garage.

Beth finds a small bed, all made up with some covers, dusty and old. She shook the sheets and blankets out and remade the bed. And got ready to go to sleep while Kaylee striped the paint and painted the car black and trimmed with chrome. Making it look spick and span, and brand spanking new by morning. No sign it was ever a police car.

The next morning, Kaylee managed to get done with the car in time. Beth got up, made the bed and got ready to go when Kaylee stops her.

“Do you have a license?” Kaylee asked tiredly.

“Yeah, why?” Beth asked.

“You’re driving.” Kaylee tossed her the keys.

“We broke how many laws in one day? And you ask me if I have a driver’s license.” Beth says with a bitchface to boot.

“Shut up.” Kaylee says, getting in the passenger seat.

“You’ll be fine, I put different plates on the car, got new tags. The car is now ours.” Kaylee says, getting settled in.

“And how’d you manage that?” Beth asks as she pulls out.

“Breaking the law.” Kaylee says. Pulling her beanie over her eyes, and falling asleep.

-

Weeks have passed, driving from town to town, asking people if they’ve seen the man Kaylee is looking for, or anything about him.

“Kaylee, we’re here.” Beth said pulling up to a house in Sioux Falls.

After a stop in Minnesota Sheriff Donna helped out a lot.

“I swear if this is another one of my dad’s friends I’m offing myself.” Kaylee groans.

“So what if Donna didn’t know Dean had a kid, I thought it was funny.” Beth said with a laugh.

Kayla mocking a laugh with Beth. Clearly not amused.

They knock on the door.

“Yes.” A voice answers from inside.

It was summer, this house was like one of many having two doors, the main door and a screen door. And just like any house after the long winter months, and having a day where it’s beautiful outside, the screen door is open letting in the fresh air.

“Hi, are you Jody Mills?” Kaylee asked.

A middle-aged woman with pixie short hair appeared, coming to the door but not opening it.

“Depends on who’s asking?” She answers.

“Ma’am, my name is Kaylee Robinson, my mom knew a Mr. Dean Winchester, I’m looking for him.” Kaylee said.

“And how well did your mom know Dean?” She asked.

“So you are Jody?” Beth goes.

“No shit.” Kaylee groans at Beth.

Kaylee sighs. “He’s my dad.” She says.

Jody tried to hide the shock that filled her face, she too didn’t know Dean had a kid.

“He saw my mom again around January 2006, I was born September 26, 2006. And this girl, Beth, had a run in with the supernatural. We just want to find Dean and this, Sam character. Maybe they can help us.” Kaylee says.

“Help you with what?” Jody asks seriously.

“I wanna know who killed my dad and why.” Beth says.

“And my mom, died in a car accident…but it didn’t seem like an accident. It looked an awful lot like a case my dad solved when he was with my mom last.” Kaylee explained.

“Come in, you should know about this.” Jody says.

-

After a good long talk of the boys’ adventures…

“God?” Kaylee goes.

Jody nods. After telling them about the Winchester’s, demons, angels, and Jack and Cas and their bought with God Chuck.

“They died, protecting this new god?” Beth asked.

“Yeah, they couldn’t get away and well the power of Jack and Chuck overwhelmed them. Killing them instantly. They felt no pain.” Jody explained.

“So my dad’s dead too.” Kaylee goes, standing up.

“I’m sorry kid, I really am. Look, I wish there was a way.” Jody starts.

“What if there is?” Kaylee says.

“What?” Jody asks.

Beth remaining silent.

“You said before, they died and came back many times. What if, there is a way to get them back?” Kaylee asks.

“Sweetheart, they wouldn’t want that.” Jody says.

“How would you know?” Kaylee snaps.

“Lebanon, that’s where their base is right, I’m heading there.” Kaylee says, leaving.

“But, Kaylee, you and I know nothing about bringing the dead back to life.” Beth says after her.

“Dad and Sam figured it out, right?” she asked. “Well, I’m a Winchester too. Believe it or not. I’m sure I will figure out how to bring my dad and uncle back.” Kaylee says getting in the driver seat.

Jody couldn’t get out fast enough. By the time she gets to her truck they're gone. All she could do was to put out an APB on the car. As the days pass, no one sees the car or the girls.

-

A few days later…

They pull up a trail, seeing a tall building looming over head.

“Apparently hunters here knew Dean and Sam. That’s a good thing, right?” Beth asked.

“Well yeah, we would have been looking all over for this place…” Kaylee says. “Not that we would be looking to long. Lebanon isn’t very big.” Kaylee adds.

The door down remained unlock. As they walked in through the second door, a dark and musty room awaited them. They pulled out their cellphones, activating the flashlight.

“Whoa.” Beth goes.

“Son of a bitch.” Kaylee says.

“This place is huge, and your dad lived here?” Beth says.

“Apparently.” Kaylee says.

Kaylee looks around and sees the main power switches. She heads over and throws both of them, one at a time.

“Son of a bitch.” Beth says. Her gaze, off into the far distance.

Kaylee follows Beth’s gaze, seeing a huge library.

“Hey girl, I think we found the batcave.” Kaylee says.

“Well, let’s get to looking on how to bring your dad back.” Beth says.

-

The next morning…

“Kaylee, this place has everything, spell books, lore books, hell even a Manuel on being a hunter.” Beth says holding up the books.

“Alright, let’s not geek out okay.” Kaylee says.

“Geek out, really?” Beth goes.

“Well, don’t get me wrong, it all sounds awesome. But, I just wish it was an easy, ‘hey this book is on resurrecting the dead’.” Kaylee says, playing with the swords behind Beth.

“Yeah, well, we don’t have that. We have to do it the old fashioned way.” Beth says.

After a couple of hours of reading and scrounging, Beth found a lead.

“There’s a spell. All I need is blood, blood related to your dad and uncle. And since you have some Winchester blood in you, and Dean and Sam, you are related to them so, I need your blood.” Beth says, holding up the spell.

“But we got everything else. Sage, and something that belonged to them…” Kaylee says skeptically. As she looked at the pile Beth had, ingredients for the spell. Two flannels, a stick of sage and a bowl.

“Your dad’s stuff was still here so I figured his flannel would do.” Beth said.

“Does it have to be the whole damn shirt, just, here.” Kaylee says.

Grabbing a pair of scissors she cuts a piece from the collar.

“Look, there’s even hair. And we’ll do it on Sam’s too.” Kaylee says, doing the same to his flannel.

“But problem.” Beth says.

“What?” Kaylee groans.

“Where are they buried?” Beth asks.

Oh.

Kaylee looked all over the bunker, for a clue to where they would be buried. And found nothing. But one clue that seemed odd.

“Jack, the same Jack told us is the new God. He used to live here.” Kaylee says, entering the library holding a journal.

“Yeah, same for Cas too. Did you know celestial beings don’t sleep?” Beth says.

“Kind of figured. But this journal, has my dad’s name in it. And another Winchester, John. Sounds like he was my dad’s dad.” Kaylee says.

“Yeah, that’s called a grandpa.” Beth says jokingly.

“What’s with the snarky comments?” Kaylee snapped.

“I’m bored.” Beth says.

“I wonder if praying works.” Kaylee says.

“Try it out.” Beth says.

“Okay.” Kaylee goes, sitting down, folding her hands and begins to pray.

“Alright, I have questions that need answering. And only this Cas and Jack can answer them. Can someone up there send their feathery ass’s down here, please and thank you.” She says.

“Really? That’s a prayer?” Beth says sassily.

“I don’t go to church.” Kaylee says.

“Hello” a voice is heard behind them. They turn to see a scrawny kid.

“And you are?” Kaylee asks.

“Jack.” He says.

“Jack, the same Jack that worked with my dad?” Kaylee asked.

“I am. And, before you ask, I have made a promise not to bring them back. Under any and all circumstance.” He says quickly.

“But Jack it’s important. We need answers.” Kaylee says.

“I’m sorry, but as far as I’m concerned, this place has all the answers you need. I can’t help you.” He says and vanishes.

“Well, son of a bitch.” Kaylee growls.

“Now what?” Beth asked.

“We’ll find a way; we don’t need no god to help us.” Kaylee says.

-

Remember Nick, Lucifer’s first original vessel? We were never shown what happened to his body, or his spirit since God’s destruction. And his many attempts to bring Lucifer back from the Empty. Let’s just say being a vengeful spirit has it’s perks. Going between worlds, even dipping into the Empty and waking up Lucifer.

The Empty Lucifer, and the spirit of Nick, resurrected Nick’s corpse.

After slipping past Death, getting Empty Lucifer out of the Empty and into the real world Nick and Lucifer were back in action. And more powerful than ever.

Winchester. He wanted the Winchester’s dead.

-

As the girls slept in the bunker, Kaylee couldn’t sleep. Her thoughts racing. Until she heard her friend screaming.

“Beth!” Kaylee shouted. Following Beth’s screams.

She found Beth, standing at a crossroads of hallways. She follows Beth’s gaze to find a man standing at the end of the hall. A dark gaze in his eye. Flashing red, a deep red.

Her mind screaming somehow. Lucifer.

Lucifer?

“Lucifer.” Kaylee whispers.

“What? How’d you know?” Beth asks.

“I don’t know, I just do somehow.” Kaylee says.

Lucifer vanished in a puff of black smoke.

And it happened again behind them. Turning to see Lucifer looming over them, he throws the girls down the hall. Causing them to roll to a stop.

“Something’s off about him.” Kaylee says. Getting up.

“How so? Wait? How would know something is off about him?” Beth shouts further down the hall from Kaylee. “You don’t even know him!”

“I don’t know okay!” Kaylee admits.

The girls notice their breath is showing.

“Didn’t your dad write something about ghosts showing themselves, the temperature would drop?” Beth asked.

A thought came to Kaylee, and she acted on it.

“Dad, is that you?” Kaylee asks.

A figure appeared behind her.

“Sam!” He shouted. Another figure showed up, behind Lucifer.

Lucifer stopped. Seeing Sam and Dean appearing before him.

“Dean!” Sam shouted.

Dean? Dean! Dad! Kaylee thought.

Sam used his ghost mojo to hold Lucifer in place.

“Kay, listen to me.” Dean says. Kaylee turns towards him.

“There’s a book, it’s a banishing spell. Try it.” He says.

“But, dad he doesn’t feel celestial in any way. I don’t think he’s an angel.” She says.

“I think Dean’s ghostly influence or whatever is giving you this knowledge.” Beth suggests.

“There should be an angel blade in my room, run and get it.” Dean ordered.

Before she could, Lucifer sent her flying further down the hall. Dean vanishes for a minute, and appears by Kaylee’s side.

“You okay?” He asked.

“Yeah, at least I’m not hitting a wall or anything.” Kaylee answers. “An angel blade, what’s an angel blade?” Kaylee asked. Dean vanishes. Only to hear a metallic blade slide out of his room.

She hurries to it, sliding to a stop and grabbing it. And she high tails it towards Lucifer. Who launches her through a closed door, Kaylee grunts in pain at the force of it all.

“Sorry kids, but, gotta run.” Lucifer growls. Vanishing, this time for good, in a puff of black smoke.

“You’re right, not an angel.” Dean says.

“Can you come back now?!” Kaylee asks, stumbling out of the room Lucifer just threw her in. Angel Blade in hand. “Jack said he wasn’t gonna bring you back because of some promise. Beth and I  know nothing about hunting, we need you guys.” Kaylee begs.

“That spell Beth dug up, it will work. Just head up to the grave site. It’s the top of this hill up here.” Dean says.

“We can’t follow you up their unless you bring something that ties us to this plane.” He adds.

“Beth, my laptop. I'm tied to my laptop.” Sam says.

Beth runs into Sam’s room and grabs his laptop. Giving her a nod.

“Mine, oddly enough, is not in here. And after all this time I don’t know if she’ll run.” Dean says.

“What?” Kaylee asks.

-

Dean shows her his car. The black, 1967 Chevy Impala.

“I loved this car more than anything. She was my baby.” Dean says.

“Okay, can I drive her up there?” She asks.

“If you can get her to start, yeah.” Dean says.

She heads into Dean’s room, finding his keys and is back in no time. The boys fizzle in and out of view, one minute they're not in the car, the next minute they’re in the back seat behind the girls.

She turns the key, sounds like the battery is dead. And judging by the way her dad's car is parked, she can get her Dodge down here and give the Impala a jumpstart.

And that’s what she does. She manages to drive it in the garage, parking it so she can get out in the Impala but also jumpstart the old muscle car.

And a jumpstart was all it needed. Beth turns off the Dodge and gets in the Impala and the pair drive up the hill to the grave site they speak of.

-

It was almost dawn when they reached the hilltop. Finding three graves.

Beth heading over to said graves getting bowl ready, Sam helping her as best as he could.

Kaylee and Dean having a, ghostly, father, daughter bonding moment.

“Cas. Who was Cas?” Kaylee asked.

“He was, an angel friend of ours. A brother in arms. He died trying to save us but, obviously it wasn’t enough.” Dean says dryly.

“Did you ever loved my mom?” She asked.

“Of course I did, that’s why I left.” Dean answers. Almost offended by the question. “You know what I do--, what I did. I didn’t want that for your mom. Or you.” He said.

“Well, she died in a car accident, but in my mom’s old journal entry, how people were dying the same way she did.” Kaylee explained.

“I thought, having it cross hollowed grounds it would destroy it Sam.” Dean says, glaring at Sam.

“Guess I was wrong.” Sam says.

“When did this happen?” Dean asked.

“It was…around, early October 2019.” She answers.

“That’s when God opened up hell, probably even brought him back for kicks.” Dean said.

“And this is Chuck, not Jack, right?” She asks.

“Right, Chuck was just, all out bad.” Dean answers.

“Okay, Kaylee, I’m ready for the blood.” Beth says.

She turns back to Dean. Dean gives her a nod and a soft, sad smile.

Kaylee heads over to Beth’s spell making bowl and cuts her hand, squeezing a good amount of blood. And Beth saying the incantation.

‘Bout a short time later two hands, one from either grave shot up. The girls scream at the scene, backing off some.

First popped out Sam, gasping for breath. Shortly after, Dean popped out doing the same. Both looking like nothing happened, other than being buried. No injuries, no blood, just unharmed and fine.

“Well,” Dean says with a huff.

“Looks like we got more work to do.” Sam says, panting.

~

 as of 4/22/2020, it’s been edited a bit. editing will continue...

REMEMBER, FEEDBACK HELPS. Either, Reblog, comment, Ask, anything to give feedback on this. It is in it’s rough stages, it is gutsy of me to share it like that. 

Copying and reposting someone else’s content is plagiarism and illegal. This work is property of supernaturallyobsessedchic. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. These works contain material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of these works may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the author / publisher. An electronic reference link to the original posted work may be provided for purposes of promotion or assistance of publication by the readers discretion, if proper credits are given to the author in the re-post. 4/21/20

[onisionhurtspeople]

Relevant information from Ayalla’s livestream:

>Are we going to finish him? He's on his last leg. So, to be honest, I feel like with everybody he's speaking out about their own stories it's pretty much already finished, and clearly we all know he tried to go on that crazy smear campaign essentially turning all the accusations against him against me, which, I mean, was pretty nuts but if you watch it it's pretty obvious what he was trying to do, so. >He outed someone’s sexual assault after she came out. Yup! Well, Greg actually made sort of an underhanded joke in a video about something that he very vaguely knows about me and it seemed like he was just trying to let me know that there was more about me that he knew that he could talk about, which he, you know, has brought up before over email asking me about the abuse that I suffered in my past, and I told him that it all wasn't true because he, you know, was clearly doing it to try to use it against me, and I am not going to be blackmailed by the things that I've already been through my life. Like, that's pretty… pretty nuts to assume that that would silence me. I mean, I've never been quiet about what I've been through in my life so it's just a little nutty but he does very clearly dig up people's pasts and look for abuse to try to use it against them because a lot of people aren't comfortable with having their abuse stories public. I'm not really afraid of stuff like that I feel like I've always been pretty open with my following so that does not scare me. [Playing video games] >If you come out with your trauma, he’s got nothing against you. Yeah, I actually spoke to my mom about it because I didn't really know what to do if he does ever decide to try to like publicly smear me for getting abused as a child. I don't really know what the right course of action is. My mom just said, “have you ever seen Eight Mile?” You know, if there's anything you think he's gonna throw at you just throw it out first and he's got nothing, and I feel like in a lot of ways she's right. Though, I was never really quiet about it before. >What happened when you were caught sneaking out? He just tried to convince us to stay but it was pretty evident at the time that that was not a situation we needed to be in. >He thinks because he shares way too much that no one else should have boundaries. I believe that he over shares about himself because he gets some sort of validation from me but he is very aware that people have boundaries, and I think that that's why he does it. So he can say that he thinks that everybody should be open but it's not typical for everybody to put, you know—everything that's ever happened to them on the internet. I mean, I haven't talked about every single thing that's ever happened to me my whole life. I talk about important things. I've talked about, you know, mental health issues. I've talked about fear. I’ve talked about a lot of different things, so… >He needs to have basic respect in the first place. That is true. I mean, he has gone out of his way to try to out a lot of people for things that they didn't want public so that they would stop coming out and speaking about the things that he has done, and clearly it's not working. I've been in contact with a lot of the girls who suffered from some of these situations and it's not really working on them either. I'm so glad for that because I can tell you from the first time that he went on a crazy smear campaign  about me it was terrifying. I had no idea what to do. I mean, I posted a video crying on the internet because I had asked him so many times privately to stop speaking about me, and stop using my name, and my face, and everything like that. He does not respect boundaries. He does not respect people's privacy. He will post your deepest darkest secrets if he has to to try to make you look bad, and for me, you know, my deepest, darkest secrets aren’t even bad things that I’ve done. They’re bad things that have happened to me. I really feel like I might be, you know—it might be a better idea to just come out and speak about what happened to me as a kid before he tries to use it against me, which I don't even know how he would try to do that or how he would try to spin it to make me look bad because I don't think that you should ever blame a child for being abused. It’s clearly not their fault, but… >He's quite the sunshine, isn’t he? Yeah. >Did he ever use publicity as a threat? So, he doesn't ever say specifically that he’s going to do things like that. I think that he just does it and it's typically whenever he feels that he is losing power in the situation or he does not have control over a situation. He will do things like that. Yeah, he talks a lot about how he's getting death threats now because of everything that's going on, and it's actually a classic manipulation tactic to try to play the victim and deflect blame whenever you are caught up in something. >He wants to manipulate you so you’ll stop talking about him. Yeah, I understand that. I mean, I was very aware what he was doing even the first time when him and my best friend didn't work out. Well, and then Lainey and my best friend didn't work out, and he went on this crazy campaign to try to make us look awful because he knew that we were very aware of all of the crazy things that he did and requested. >What did you mean last time you said he very different online as when he’s offline? In person, I would say he's he's very charismatic, which is, I think, very different from how he is online. It's a little more, I think, cold online. It's a little more calculated. If he does post things for a purpose online whereas in person he just uses a specific way of speaking to get what he wants. So, it doesn't take as much effort in real life to do the things that he does. >Has he verbally and psychologically abused these girls? Yes, absolutely. It's actually pretty scary to see the way that he goes about things because he does pretty much all looks a typical manipulation tactics where he starts off with very positive reinforcement and love bombing and slowly but surely he will sort of take away those things or he will sort of mistreat you if you're not acting the way that he wants. He’ll threaten to send you home or take things away or a lot of different things. He will insult you if you are not acting the way that he wants. He will clearly publicly humiliate you if you're not behaving in a way that he finds acceptable. >Do you think that the judicial system is going to be able to make a case against him? From what I can see, Greg is very careful to make sure that he skims that legal line so that he will not get in trouble. He's very tactical about the way that he does these things so that legally there's nothing you can do. I can tell you  times a day that he's morally corrupt and, you know, he gets into people's heads and it's scary to be honest, but he works very very hard to make sure that he will get away with these things, and that's why I felt like saying something publicly is really one of the best things that I could do because even if everything he's doing is not against the law per se, that doesn't mean that it's morally right or that people should not know that he's doing these things to young women and it's not, you know— Young women out there should have access to the information that you will manipulate his way into getting you to do things that you would have never done or say things that you would have never said before and… yeah. >How do you feel about him— Ok, so. I didn't ever try to sleep with that young woman. I think I've made that pretty clear. It was clearly a defence tactic to try to sort of deflect blame onto someone else. I was 19 years old at the time. I was also a teenager and he clearly tried to paint me as this horrible pervert, and I didn't ever try anything with her but I was also a teenager at the time, which has no comparison to a 33 year old man or a 25 year old woman doing similar things. I know he tried really really hard to make it look like I was this awful person and I'm sure it's pretty obvious, like, how he did it and why he did it and I'm actually very glad that people can understand that I'm not that kind of person. >He tries to punish these girls for acting ways he deems disrespectful That's true. He once threatened to send the young woman that was discussed before and also Billie home because they wouldn't babysit his children. So, it's pretty crazy. >Does he restrict everyone from seeing their family? He did ask one of these girls to not contact her family for an entire year and move in with him and have no contact with anybody from where she lived including myself. So he does go through and use isolation as another tactic to keep these girls, you know, within his grasp. All of its kind of messed up it's just I know that they skim the legal line. Everybody says go to the police but I plan on talking to the police and bringing them all of this information but they are very careful about whether or not they break the law so that even if  this all comes out one day and people realize what he's been doing to these women that he can't actually go to jail it would just ruin his YouTube, but it's pretty… [sigh]. Just the whole thing's messy. >Let the police decide what to do. Right, and I do plan that. I'm actually not in my hometown right now, which is the only reason they haven't gone to the police yet, but I will be going back tomorrow but I plan on going to the police and sort of giving them all of the information that I have and ask them what I should do about it. About the videos he's made about me painting me as a pervert and about all of these things that he's doing to these young women because he's clearly got a pattern. There's clearly a very evident way that he goes about things, but I’ve been doing research to try to understand a little better how he does these things because it's scary and it's important that you can recognize the things that he does, or the things that anybody like that will do. >Can you go into detail about him getting mad at the two girls not wanting to babysit? Those are the details that I have, that they were not doing an adequate enough job to babysit so he threatened to send them both home. >Has Greg tried to contact you since the last e-mail? Other than the text that he posted in his video trying to smear me he has not contacted me since then, no. I know it’s not their job. [As in, not the girls job to babysit] >Did Lainey genuine want a relationship with a female? I have no idea what Lainey really wanted. It was a deflection tactic very clearly. I was 19 at the time, like, it's just crazy to be painted as a pervert when, first of all you didn't do anything, but also, like, a teenager talking to a teenager. I don't know it just doesn't make any sense see why he was under the impression that that would work, and I'm sure that it was just an intimidation tactic to be like, hey, you know I can make you look bad, too, but it's not just me coming out and speaking about the things that they've done. I think that me being able to come out and say anything at all has inspired a lot of young women who have suffered through this to come forward and tell their stories and share what happened. >Greg is scared of you. I don't think he should be scared of me. I think he should be scared of the truth. I have never done anything to Greg. I have never really been rude to him him. I have never really done anything to him other than being vocal about the abuse that he so clearly associates himself with. I mean, the first time he went on a smear campaign it was because I was public about some of the things that he did to my best friend even when she wasn't because he was trying so hard to make her look awful, and I tweeted about how he tried to chain her up in the basement for a week, and make her shave her head, and dye her moss hair, or get I'm a liar tattooed on her. Even cornered her in the garage once to try to convince her to get a tattoo, and I came in shortly after and I was like, this is not okay, and that's actually the day that we left. >What was the last straw? So, for a long time I really was just too scared to say anything because after I said anything about what he had done to my best friend he went on this horrible smear campaign about how I’m a criminal and a degenerate and all of these things and I was scared. I mean, he made videos about me for over a year after I had even seen him. I only met him one time. So it took a long time. I mean, it's been two years since this situation happened—two years in a month, I think. For a year and a half of that I was still on the front page of his YouTube, or I was in his videos, or he was referencing me in a lot of different ways, and I was scared because I don't know what he's capable of. >Why was Sarah under the [inaudible]? I have no idea. Because that’s what they said. >Standing up to Greg was very brave of you. It took a lot. I mean, to this day it still takes a lot. It's only been a short time since I came out and I haven't really been sleeping because I know some of the girls that he's trying to blackmail and use information against to keep their silence and it's scary. That's just, like, I don't want him to try to ruin my life because I think that it's important that people know what he does young women and what he tries to do the young women, though not always as successful as he’d like to be. >Do you think he sees himself as a normal guy? Well, maybe he does. I feel like it would be scarier if he didn't realize what he was doing. I feel like it's pretty impossible to be so good at manipulating and doing it to so many people without even realizing. I don't even really think that that’s a thing. >How does he think any of this is ok? I really don't know. I feel like for somebody who comes off as honest and moral and some white knight it's pretty insane. I mean, he once posted an email he got from an ex-friend of mine on Twitter, like, trying to paint me as this awful person. I had to email him and have him take it down because the e-mail was from somebody who I knew in real life but I had had to threaten to call the police on that person before for showing up at my house and it was pretty clear then that if he has anything from anyone that could put you in a bad light, whether or not that person is dangerous to you, he will use it, and he acted like he was my hero for even taking down that post. Also whenever he e-mailed me about—asking me about the abuse that I suffered as a child he insinuated that I should be thankful that he hasn't said anything about that publicly online, and I know that that was just another tactic to get me to not say anything but it's pretty scary. He goes through a lot of effort to make sure these people are too scared to come forward and a lot of them are. I'm sure that there's many people who won't even say anything about it because they're worried about what he's going to do, and I knew going into that it would be really really hard to do this and that he would go out of his way to try to make me look bad, and make videos like the one that he posted, trying to paint me as this awful person, and I knew that from experience. He's done it to me before but I realized that it was more important to come out to speak about this so people will know what's going on instead of avoiding it to try to save himself. I would rather you know go down in a blaze then let two, or three, or four more people go through this. It's not right and it's not ok. >Did you help Billie out of the manipulation and help her leave? Yeah, I did because I noticed it a lot sooner than she did, and for a long time she was too deep it in to do anything about it, so she needed some assistance, which I feel like is pretty typical for a lot of these girls because you don't even realize how deep in it you are until it's too late. >It's weird he uses Richie to attach you and then attacks you himself. Yeah, I do think it's pretty crazy that whenever he was attacking Richie, he says that he defended me from blackmail from Richie, and that—Richie was gonna come out and say all these bad things about me, and though Richie did threaten to blackmail me so I wouldn't speak out about the fact that he had cheated on me so many times and he was looking for 18 year old girls, you know, Richie was trying to keep me quiet, too, using the same tactics that Greg used because he's got such a large following. He tried to defend me when Ritchie was trying to blackmail me, but now he himself is trying to blackmail all of these other girls. I think it's so twisted and crazy that he acts like he’s such this, you know, righteous person for defending me at any point but he goes around and does the same thing to not only me, but to so many other people. I didn't offer anybody drugs. I smoke marijuana. We've been over that, but I don't go around handing people drugs. I don't even have any drugs. I mean how was I even gonna get these drugs if I was locked in his house. That’s what I want to know. Well, I wasn’t locked in. Clearly I could have left because I did. Yeah, no. I didn’t. Not a thing. I never hit on Sarah. She [Billie] has very much separated herself from this situation and she's got no interest in diving back into it because clearly they will never leave her alone. >What other red flags did you notice? It's pretty—it’s, like, typical language. I mean, he will offer financial gain or financial loss. He will insult you, or make fun of you, or try to make you feel like you're doing something wrong if you're not acting the way he wants you to. It's a lot of different things. If you look up just manipulation tactics, which I was earlier today actually, it's pretty point-blank everything that he does. Victim-blaming, deflection, all of those sorts of things. It's pretty cut and dry. >Did he write your visit off for taxes? I believe he did. I know that he made a video with me and that's normally all he needs to write off stuff in taxes, so even in his vide he said that he paid for my tickets. It’s pretty typical for him to write things like that off on those taxes. So, again, just another way to try to make me look like I was doing something that was wrong, I guess. >Question about how Billie is doing She's good. Billie’s actually great. She's really happy now. She's been working a lot on YouTube channel and trying out new things and she's really a lot happier than she was. It's actually kind of great to see her doing so well because for a long time she wasn't for obvious reasons. >Billie’s flourishing. She is! She’s living her best life these days. Her best life. >Are you and Billie working? Actually, I have an interview on Tuesday for a new job, which is very exciting and hopefully they don't Google me right now because clearly Greg’s off the handle. I’d be pretty upset. The last time that he contacted her [Billie] was not ten months ago. It was much more recent than that but, you know. Whatever. >Why does he keep contacting her? He's obsessed. He says things like he has dreams that won't go away, and, you know, things like that. He once called me and essentially spoke to me non-stop for about an hour just about how—what started off, oh, Lainey misses Billie, and Lainey needs closure, and then he pretty quickly went into, like, Lainey has dreams about her all the time. Pretty quickly into, oh, I have dreams about her and I can't get her out of my head. So, he was using Lainey to try to say she's the one who needed something but yeah. It's clearly him because he only talked about himself in the end. >Do you know more women will be coming forward? Truthfully, I hope that they do but I know that not everybody is willing to go through what I'm already going through to try and take him down. It's pretty scary especially when you are a young woman to have you know a 33 year old man trying to essentially defame you. I mean, it's terrifying for me and I'm a lot older now than I was the first time. Greg said a lot about my best friend cheating but that never happened. Not a real thing. >Has Lainey ever talked bad about Greg? Yes? Though not publicly. Yes, I was in contact with that young woman. And she contacted me, so it was direct. I don’t think that they claimed her on their taxes. I am going to go to the police and bring them all of the information that I have but they are very careful about skimming that legal line so I don't know that they will do anything about it but I will be giving them all of that information just to make sure that they are aware. >He's the Youtube version of R. Kelly I feel like I've seen it a lot. That's funny. We never encouraged anybody to starve themselves. Billie and I have never had an eating disorder. We've never been diagnosed with an eating disorder or treated for an eating disorder. I'm 130 pounds right now at 5’6”. I mean, by no means underweight I've been essentially this weight since high school, so, you know. It was pretty much just a part of the initial smear campaign him saying that we starve ourselves and we've got all of these issues, but it was never a real thing, which my mom tweets about a lot actually. Every time my mom sees me eating she'll tweet a picture of it because there have been so many rumors about me having an eating disorder because of Greg. >Is there anything you haven’t said because you’re scared? There are things that I am not going to share because it has been requested of me not to share but, no. There's no information that I have about them pertaining to me specifically that I have not at least tried to share. >It can mentally screw with you. Right. Well, it was pretty crazy for a couple months having my whole feed just being like, oh, stop starving yourself… [irrelevant talk] I don't mind you asking any specific questions. There are just some questions that I don't really have a clear answer to. I do not know every inner working of their marriage or what they talk about in private, so there's only so much I can speak about truthfully, and I never have any intention of misrepresenting myself or them. >Is there anything about Lainey that would surprise us and that we should be aware of? I don't really know that there's anything that would surprise you about her. She is pretty similar to her online personality in real life.

[seenashblog]

Nash Watches & Rates Cheesy Hallmark & Lifetime Winter Movies So You Don’t Have To

a.k.a. -  Nash Records Her Viewings Of Hallmark & Lifetime Winter Movies, which are fanfic in visual form & are gold. And yes, it’s a apparently a legit sub-genre. Best I can tell, if it’s not Christmas or Valentines, and there’s snow, then it goes. Spoilers abound.)

Note: This adventure has been moved to here from my main blog @seenashwrite, so my SPN peeps can rest assured they’ll not be exposed to this any longer - I have a feeling I’ll not be done purging my soul for a while yet #bless my heart

As per last time during the Christmas round-ups, 4 and 5 stars mean the best of the lot, 3 stars means it’s not necessarily a waste of your time, 2 stars is up to your discretion, and 1 star means it is time you will never get back.

Winter's Dream (Kristy Hot Damn Swanson, Dean Mothafukkin' Cain - Hallmark)

With it packing this level of stardom, how can it go wrong? Understand that I can take or leave Dean Cain, but Kristy Swanson is the shit. 

The official summary/another summary from somewhere:

When a former ski champion re-enters the competitive world after a 16-year-old downhill racer asks for help, she finds a new love and reawakens an old passion.

Former pro skier, Kat, is asked to coach a younger skier, named Anna, and finds love with the girl's widowed father, Ty.

These are both kinda garbage summaries - I mean, they're accurate, but it doesn't paint the whole picture. There's nothing really to spoil, and though it hits a couple things on a winter bingo (still forthcoming), they're more the Hallmark staples, such as the kid (in this case, a really great teen gal who's a good actress) who brings people together, and that the lodge/the resort is in danger of being lost, and somebody teaches somebody else how to skate, and that shit, but the bottom line is it's a fine watch. It's not spectacular, but it's not dipped in cheese, and there's some really pretty shots of the skiing (especially something they do at the end), plus kudos for the body doubles (the ones doing the actual skiing) were spot-on, and the teen actress did an impressive end-of-run stop at one point, you know it's her because she immediately whips off her mask.

Bottom line, this movie woulda been ass if not for Swanson and Cain, who didn't have greeeeat chemistry, though they made it work. In any event, the script was solid - like I say, not a great deal of cheese and any lines that were aren't sticking out to me because they were delivered so well - so I'm actually gonna rate this one decently high.

4/5 stars

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Love on the Sidelines (this dude who's been in three movies I've seen so far, John Reardon, and some basic blonde chick who is vaguely familiar - Hallmark)

This isn’t technically a winter one, I don’t think, but it’s on, so it counts.

So they try to throw you from the get-go with "Is injured dude gonna be the love interest which is totally inappropriate since he's her boss and clearly got about 12 years on her and has made multiple patronizing comments to her, about how physically strong she is and about her classic car and about her abilities in general, or is it the other dude on the team who took an immediate interest in her and has thus far been polite and respectful and friendly and flirty?"

(By the way, main dude has cock-blocked his friend, but he has a model girlfriend [who is styled to be a stereotype from extensions to heels] and it's also shown he has no idea about stuff she likes/is into, such as her favorite flowers - but chick knew because she had 'em out for their romantic dinner. That's right, it's part of her assistant duties - and she's supposed to be helping him with activities of daily living stuff - is to prep his bone zones.)

If they make dude #2 turn out to be a douche and that main dude is somehow awesome underneath all his shit----- what am I saying, of course they are. The latter, that is. You know I'm right. Hundred percent.

People are like losing their chickens over this jersey she's tailored to be a "girl fit" - you know what I mean, it's not a box with sleeves, there's tailoring to it, so the sleeves aren't so ginormous and it's tapered on the sides. This jersey's been the topic of about three interactions thus far and we're only 40 minutes (so 30 mins airtime) in. They're all "Wow!" and "This is so creative!" and "My wife would love that, where'd you get it!"  Y'all, google for this, that type of jersey, I mean. [pause] Nevermind, here:

I put in the mystical combo of "women's NFL football jersey".

THIS IS REVOLUTIONARY

Hey, and heh-heh.... quick bonus....

WHYENNE!!!! THAT BITCH IS EVERYWHERE

But hey, how else would we know that fashion design is her passion? Scriptin' be hard, yo. Speaking of her clothes skillz - "I think there's more to him," she says to BFF, whose wedding dress she's fitting. First, *eyeroll*. Second, if your friend is trying to watch a football game and learn the basics, don't let them fit you for your farging wedding at the same time. Which is what is happening.

There's twinkly magical music when his hand runs over hers when they're both searching under the couch, feeling around for his dropped cell phone.

*more eyeroll*

I do like the car, it's a red Mustang.... early 70s, maybe?.... but I can say I don't care for the shade of red, it's a little too cherry popsicle or hooker scarlet lipstick.

(My dream car is probs a Mustang muscle in black, but as far as zoom-zooms go, I tell ya, a friend of mine had a Porsche Boxster, and What. A. Ride., and he'd offered to teach me how to drive stick on it - not a euphemism, I swear, I was 16, my dad was his mentor, he's like the child my father never had - I'M A HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT OKAY - so like my big brother, and anyhow, it was so beautiful I gasped at the very thought. But sweet babby jeebus, those suckers are smooth rides. None of this matters.)

Anyway, she keeps having trouble starting it, and I can tell by the sound it isn't the alternator, nor is it the battery, nor is it a belt, nor is she flooding the engine. I know fuck-all about cars as a general rule, but I know those sounds because I've experienced all of them. It has now gone to commercial, as he's just looked under the hood and announced after 3.8 seconds "Yup, I think I see your problem."  He must have x-ray vision. I am on pins-and-needles, shivering with anticipation.

Back from commercial, he's shutting the hood and she's saying "Wow you did it!" and wiping grease from his face. He's got an absolutely wrecked calf/ankle/foot (and straight up, they've done a good job making it all seem legit, props to... well, props... and make-up), but you're telling me he was standing and bent over long enough to get all greasy, and he's supposed to be - most of the time - either sitting or standing with that bitch elevated. This was stupid. This was a stupid, wholly unnecessary scene. Oh except we find out - because it's visible in the back seat - that she's read his children's book.

That's right. He's written a children's book.

Dude's mom: "I think he's dating the wrong type of women". Subtle, screenwriters, subtle. Now he's sneaking and working out. I really hope they show his ankle buckling out at a wicked angle. I'm gross like that. Twinkly music plays as she waits for him in the locker room while he's in with the sports trainer because he shouldn't have been working out.

Forgot to mention there's an awesome dog, this really beautiful Dane, and of course it loves her and hates Stereotype, because reasons for him to go ga-ga. She's honestly not bad, I have zero issue with the actress, nor with this actor, they're actually both good, but between the music and this script, I'm fighting over what rating to give it. (Checks clock) Welp, the next 45 minutes should tell me. It's dragging ass, I'll tell you that, though.

Like, nothing's happened. Nothing. He has an injury, she's his new personal assistant. I can list traits they each have. I've seen groups of moments. I don't know what the story is. Is it just "they get closer and fall in lurve"? That's... not a story. That's a series of facts. People meet their partners/spouses via the workplace all the time. What's the plot? What's the conflict? The obstacles? The tension? The OOMPH, I'd call it, is missing. This is what kills me about most fanfic - they just tell me stuff, they aren't showing me a new perspective or a twist or a unique take or differing interpretation that's still supported by canon, or an inventive plot that or what-the-hell-ever. Dean and Whyenne were in the bunker and they researched and they cooked and they talked about Cas and Sam, and they argued about her going on a hunt, then they kissed, the end! That's not a story, that's a daydream. I've digressed.

Now he's texted her "the emergency code" while she's at her best friend's wedding, and turns out it's because he's cranky because his sister said he's got to learn how to not be the center of attention. And she - I am proud to say - lets. Him. Have. It.  Part of what she says is - Can you do *anything* for yourself?!  And he goes - This!  And he kisses her, and it takes her off guard, but then they go for it, and I am actually happy for them.

Shit. I still hate that this isn't a story, but holy hell the difference when some conflict is introduced. Ahhhhhmazeballs. Conflict, however minor, is what shows us who these people we're watching/reading really are - and no, conflict does not mean angst, nor does it mean some sort of heart-breaking, can't-take-it-back fight, nor does it mean life-and-death, just divergent paths or opinions is all it takes. I've digressed again.

My interest is piqued because we have a half-hour to go, and typically this is how Hallmark blows their wad in the last fifteen.

[time passes]

Okay, a couple things turned out decent. Y'all will *love* what the best friend pulls at the end, and she and her hubby have been great throughout, but this one particular thing was clutch. And everybody had chemistry, family and friends and romance alike. It just can't help the lack of story, and I really detest the manner in which they made lead dude a jerk - there's other ways to do that besides going the lazy route, a.k.a. being sexist. It's not as bad as a two (a.k.a. - this is a matter of taste), because there's some objectively good stuff.... on the other hand, my lord is dragged. So I'm going with a three, because it's a toss-up as to whether you're gonna really like it, or think "Meh".

3/5 Stars

.

One Winter Weekend / One Winter Proposal (Taylor Cole, some other people - Hallmark)

So the former was in last year's winter line-up, the latter in this one. Taylor Cole played Sarah Blake on SPN. I see she's also on deck for some detective thing on Hallmark Movies & Mysteries.

And.... that's all I got to say about that.

I genuinely tried to watch these. They played them back-to-back, and speaking of backs, mine was acting up so I was laid out, and I thought - all right, this'll kill some time. And I fell asleep at 6 p.m., y'all. I took ibuprofen, I was not getting liquored up, I slept plenty the night before, and I fell the fuck to sleep. These movies are boring as fuck. 

I saw no sparks, and there were two couples from which to divine said spark. The co-lead chick was incredibly annoying, she plays everything too perky, and it's really evident in scenes with her romantic interest, who is a good actor and came off completely naturally. Actually, he should've been the main-main male lead, I bet he'd have had great chemistry with Cole, who's a better actor than the dude they had her paired with, but I say all that to say, the script was... meh. The pacing of both movies was weird, and the conflicts that were in them (see above for discussion on what conflict in stories actually is) were nothingburgers. It was stupid. Don't waste your time, seriously.

1/5 stars

.

We interject for a non-review that needs to be mentioned. Oh, Lifetime. Holy shitsnacks.

Double Mommy (I... I don't know... people... - Lifetime)

This is the synopsis:

Ryan discovers his friend Bryce is the father of one of his girlfriend's twin babies and that he date raped her at a party over the summer. With college looming over Bryce's head, he will stop at nothing to make sure that he clears his name.

Because the guys' feelz are what's important, here.

.

The Birthday Wish (Jessy Schram, who only acts one way and that is coked-up squirrel with blonde barrel curls - Hallmark)

This is the official summary, and it should let you know how pleased I was to watch this:

On her birthday, a woman who desperately wants her boyfriend to propose to her wishes for the opportunity to see into the future, with surprising results.

'Cause I love seeing "desperate" and "woman" in the same sentence about my main character! This was precisely what you think based on the summary - though I will say Schram doesn't play it "desperate" so that was kind've a weird word for them to use - she somehow has these premonitions (it's never explained) and the boyfriend's a dick and she ends up with her co-worker who's a great guy. The end.

1/5 stars

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Once Upon A Prince (Megan Park, who is familiar though I don't know how, and a quite charming British fellow who isn't really, he's actually from Canada by way of New York but sounds really damn convincing - Hallmark)

Also unsure this is “winter”, but it’s worth talking about. Seriously. Still, let's get the shite - and it's minor! - out of the way.

First complaint: they blew their wad in the title. Not that we don't get the scoop fairly quickly, but... welp, no we don't, the beans aren't spilled for a while - they *easily* could've skirted it, and they HAVE, it's very nicely and smoothly done, I mean, you can divine it but it's not plot anvil'd, his situation unfolds gradually across the first act, which is so refreshing. Whoever titled it was the screw-up. I'm looking at you, Hallmark execs. All their titles spoil.

Second complaint... despite the adept nature they handled main dude's backstory, there's a really bad clunker of an anvil in that first bit - we know exactly how he's gonna propose to her in the end because they shoe-horned in really abrupt and almost non-sequitur dialogue for her wherein she tells him her dream proposal not terribly long after meeting him. It was weird and awkward. I mean, the fuck. I get she was still rattled as her longtime boyfriend with whom she had both business and personal futures planned out breaking up with her in the prior scene(s), but shit. They do recover a bit by having our dude - and damn, I love him, I genuinely do - comment something to the effect of "Well oftentimes it's easier to tell a stranger things we can't tell the ones to whom we're close". My point is, they knew it was a dog of a line, but I thought of three options to get the topic out there over the course of them getting to know each other just while I’ve sat here typing this recap - hell, they revisit the damn location later, when they are friends vs. strangers! It was bad writing.

Third complaint... y'all know by now: I hate the fake made-up countries. And this one is (wait for it) Cambria. Google Cambria. Go ahead. I'll wait. [pause] Nevermind, I'll just tell you, and this isn't because I have some bizarre encyclopedic knowledge of the way-back-when in Jolly Ol', it's because - well - I'm a reformed dinosaur nerd, and that overlaps with having an understanding of geology, because fossils. There, I said it. There were charts and sketches and stuff of the various periods of dino development from National Geographics on bedroom walls. I had it bad. For the record, I loved the book Jurassic Park, and the first movie was great, and the rest are good for laughs. The last two are good for mocking. I probably would've been a paleontologist, except for when my Christian father, who at the time  I thought was the smartest man in the world (and he is objectively intelligent in many ways) told me God put the dinosaurs in the earth, that there's no way the earth is as old as science proves. (I say proves, he said claims.) 'Cause, y'know, an almighty being is totes into pranks. Ha ha. Ha ha ha. Funsies. I've digressed.

The quick-and-dirty is that the Cambrian is the geologic period that's from around 550 million years ago. (Okay this part I'll look up, because I'm so nerdy.... yup, I see it's 542-488 mil.) Anyhow, the dude that coined the name found the goods, the exemplars that proved this stage in earth history/backed up earth's age in Wales. And the area now known as Wales used to be called Cambria a way long time ago. Not millions time ago, of course. Trilobites and whatever can't speak... THAT WE KNOW OF. So I don't know if somebody was just like "Oh, that sounds like it could be a country" or somebody was being cute, thinking Cambria wasn't real, like it was something akin to Camelot, I've no idea. Who cares, it's stupid.

However.

Guys.... y'all.... my peeps.... um.... this'n is a keeper, so I'm not going to break it down and spoil it. It is very much worth watching, if you're into these types of movies, because it differs in a huge, very positive manner. Here's why this movie is above average for Hellmark: there's legitimate conflict (see above, re: what that means), and - most importantly - they are friends. They are buddies. They genuinely like each other. This isn't just about romantic love, this is about two people who care about what happens to each other. They care that the other person is living a life in  which they are happy.

There's also some realism here, not because it's an identical situation (it is not, trust) but in the broad strokes, I think of the Prince Harry-Meghan Markle situation. Middleton is uppercrust Brit stock, if memory serves (I'm not looking it up) with some sort of pseudo-distant-whatever royal line connection. She was gold for William, she's a good option for a queen (I mean, I'm sure there's duchesses out there, but that ain't who Wills loved). Now, Markle? So far from what would be called uppercrust. So, so very far. And yeah, yeah, I get that it's not as big a deal since he's not direct but more adjacent in line to the throne, but c'mon. It was a big deal. And you know all the ways why, I won't go through them here. My dude broke about a bazillion years' worth of tradition, and good on him.

And at the end of the day, that's what this movie is about - making your own way, creating your own traditions, adapting the old traditions, having confidence to do the things you're good at, the things you believe you're meant to do, and doing them the way you think is best. Is this a deep movie? No, it's fucking Hallmark, haven't you been paying attention? You think they let us escape without a super-rushed, wrap-it-up-in-the-last-five-minutes ending? You know better. I'll tell you this, though - it may not be deep, but it ain't shallow. And it's the best royal movie we've had so far, despite the too much haste with information-giving in the beginning and with the title and, as you'll find out, a really bleh last line... and of course with him being king of Fossilville. (I'm not letting that go.)

You're going to love him, he's a doll and classy and darling the entire time. You're going to love her, she's self-assured and fun and mature and hard-working. And you're really going to love John the valet. We find ourselves at ratings time and, somewhat shockingly:

5/5 stars

.

Past entries below

Winter Castle (people you’ve never heard of - Hallmark)

Holy shit, cliché on parade and nobody can act?! Jack-friggin’-pot. Zero chemistry amongst anyone, from family to friendship to romance?! Hot damn.

So they’re all at this place for a destination wedding (a.k.a, Selfish And Life-Disrupting And Huge Expense For Guests Thing And Oh Here’s Our Registry Too, come at me brah), and everyone is staying in a hotel. HA! KIDDING! They’re all in this giant faux igloo, and by “faux” I mean there are these church-esque doors in what is, I guess, a specially-flown-in iceberg on land. Google tells me it’s an actual place.

Anyway, through the doors you’ll find hallways (that have people carved into them, not creepy at all) which are lined with rooms. Suites? I never saw a bathroom door, doesn’t damn matter, nobody poos in Hallmark’s world. Oh, also, for lighting, we have Target pillar candles, then everything’s backlit in ‘80s neon:

Are they shitting me?

But that’s beside the point. Point is, it may be pretty to look at but in execution, it’s stupid. No way people haven’t had to peace out and find a new joint to stay in because of near or actual hypothermia. Based on the warm, cozy, wood-floored, windowed, staircase-and-balcony-having rehearsal dinner area in a large building with stone wall exterior, this hotel actually has some, y'know, hotel to it. Lodge? Who cares, but I bring it up because of the standard precocious child who is there to bring everybody together whilst turning into a popsicle.

The poor kid is bundled within an inch of her life, dumb bunny-eared toboggan to puffy jacket, and is burrito’d in a sleeping bag, with a quilt on this bed that looks to be carved out of ice, as well, and I say “as well” because our leading lady is shown frequently perched on what looks to be a chair carved out of ice (fur puffy thing for ass protection) with her laptop on a table carved out of ice when she’s face-timing her Not Gay Male Best Friend in a bow-tie and sweater vest back home, and - bonus! - he doubles as The One Person Of Color. Now, if memory serves, legit igloos made by actual First Nation(s) folks (meaning both Canadian and American - specifically, Alaskan - and probs any groups that found themselves in the way-way-North in the way-back-when and had to come up with this genius or, you know, die) are actually pretty damn warm once the fire gets cranking. Not to say you don’t keep some fierce socks and gloves on, that’s plain smart, but enclosed space with heat is enclosed space with heat - just don’t lick the walls. That’s good advice, igloo or otherwise.

On that topic, via the article linked above, says one of the actresses:

“It’s like an igloo,” Mullen told the Standard. “The further you go into the hotel, it gets colder and colder. As you walk down the hallway into the different rooms, it’s just getting into your bones.” She said every time they called “Cut!,” everyone would put on jackets to warm up.

She’s incorrect - that’s not like an igloo. It’s too big, that’s why it doesn’t stay warm. I have *zero* desire to go to this place. That sounds like Dante’s Frosty The Snowman circle of hell. I digress.

I say all that to say, this movie is straight dumb because the script is basic bitch, they were leaning on the location and hard. It gets a star because they tried in the sense that they did use a unique setting, but the rest was neglected (the story and the casting). Everything else was so blaaaaaand, and the acting was so stilted and unnatural, and they cast the mother with someone who looks the exact same age as the lead gal/her sister (the bride), and then there’s this one chick character who was so pathetically desperate, and the leading man was such a pussy who wouldn’t make a fucking decision, and they had our leading lady be all *sniffle* and tolerating that shit AND SHE JUST MET HIM BY THE WAY, and I just…. ugh.

1/5 stars

.

Royal Matchmaker (Bethany Joy Lenz - Hallmark)

This isn’t an “official” Winter '19 jam, google tells me it’s from the '18 spring movies, but everybody’s bundled up, so I’m calling bullshit. It ain’t half-bad, despite the fact that it’s a “royal” one, who’d-a-thunk? There was one over Christmas that got a 4 (see link up top), and I never would’ve predicted it. But that was an oldie-goldie, this is now. This one has the traditional royal romance beats and, no shit, the sidekick is the same one from another “royal”, the absolutely horrid “Christmas At The Palace”, from Christmas ‘18. I cannot reiterate how bad that movie was - not ”My Christmas Love“ bad, but bad.

All right, so - she’s a matchmaker from NYC, which is at least a new take on what’s coming next - and you guessed it, a prince HAS to get married or some reason, even though it’s mentioned they are under a Parliamentary system and not a monarchy, but he still has to because it’s the 17th century, oh wait no it’s not. The king, who is from a random made-up locale (*sigh*) has hired her (and said partner) to find a suitable wife for his son, who’s presented as the typical eligible rich bachelor, and “presented as” is the key phrase. It’s one of the things I like about this plot, but it doesn’t outweigh the bleeeccchhh.

For one, it wears me out, the making-up of countries. It’s distracting. If you’re gonna do royalty, the right move is to have the royal not be a king/prince but make it a duke/duchess jam, refer to the locale vaguely as a duchy in England or Ireland or Scotland or Sweden or Norway or whatever Americans will fall for, 'cause as a rule, Americans aren’t typically hip to other countries’ jams. Hell, say someone is a prince/princess, but it’s more in inherited title only - that’s what the 4 from the Christmas list did right. Nobody called him “Prince Whatever”, he wasn’t presented as this hot commodity, it was a nothing burger, we didn’t even find out that he had the title til near the end of the movie. I’ve digressed, back to this flick.

I detest the royal garb they’ve got lead dude in at the conclusion, it looks like you or I waltzed into Party City and slapped down $30 and walked back to the set. It’s ill-tailored and in too-bright colors and is, again, something utterly distracting that could’ve been avoided, and same with the king’s, too-small jacket to too-long length of slacks. All the women, including our main gal, are in prom dresses straight off the rack from Sears and J.C. Penney’s. This is not praise. The men are all in identical rented tuxedos with clip bow-ties. Thanks, I hate it.

I mean, and I hate that there’s a ball at the end at all, but it goes hand-in-hand with the core premise, which is that they’re on a tight schedule - ol’ Bethany has 4 weeks. They, of course, fall in love with one another, and props to casting because these two look good together and have decent chemistry, but that could be because Lenz knocks these movies out of the park - this is the third… maybe the fourth… that I’ve seen with her - she elevates everything she’s in. When I mentioned her to a friend, I was told she also elevated some shitty TV show that I never watched, so perhaps you are already familiar with her.

Anyhow, once again there’s too much filler and the ending draaaaaaags and then BOOM it’s done in the last three minutes, which is standard for these movies (both Lifetime and Hallmark), I’d say, about 95% of the time. The story was good in that the prince wasn’t a typical playboy and he kept his philanthropic side a secret because he didn’t want press invading these small villages and whatever he was helping rebuild - he genuinely likes getting his hands dirty and he actually knows how to do shit, he fixes a radiator at a community center at one point. Eh. I dunno. It had such potential in the front half, then just shit the bed in the back half, so it was half of a waste of my time. But you may dig it. It’s far from the worst of Hallmark’s offerings but, again, I think it’s because of Lenz, she’s the only thing getting it up from a 1/5.

2/5 stars

.

Oh… oh mah… what the… we interrupt the winter fare for what looks like a rando that’s snuck in and christ on a cracker, no. No. No. NO. The summary:

A woman begins an online relationship with a famous photographer, not realizing that she is actually communicating with the man’s young son.

This caught my ear because as I was sitting here writing up the last movie, it came on, and I hear this woman’s voice, her typing (so it’s her voice in her mind), then a man’s voice (as she’s reading), and I looked up when the man’s voice started switching to a kid’s (boy’s) voice back and forth every sentence or so - and then I looked at that summary, and….

NO

"Chance at Romance”, it’s called –> 0/5 stars, I don’t even need to watch it, what a stupid garbage fucking premise, and it’s gross, and I hope that shit kid gets punished, like as in, no computer til he’s old enough to own his own home and pay for his own internet, because scumbag kid. If he has the balls to pull this catfishing shitstorm on a fucking adult and gets away with it, what the fuck will he do to manipulate girls his own age? Gross. IT’S A GROSS PREMISE YOU GREETING CARD FUCKTARDS

.

Love On Ice (Andrew Walker, who’s in every fourth movie, and  the lead chick’s familiar her name is Julie Berman - Hallmark)

Former pro skater, now teaching - don’t worry, it’s not the aforementioned “Christmas At The Palace”, despite the similar M.O. - and decides to go for one last run at regionals because the new coach in town who’s teaching the next big thing is like “You used to be the next big thing, why don’t you undo eight years of not training aggressively in, like, a couple weeks and compete against the girl I’ve been hired to make a winner, and I’ll coach you both, because I have a boner for you and your shitty blonde extensions! No, that’s not what he says, but that’s the deal, yo. The next-big-thing’s got an overbearing mother and, once his boner gets found out, here comes a new coach that used to be the former-next-big-thing’s coach, and she’s a horrible actress, she can’t play sneaky-evil to save her life. I liked the two leads, and they did a better job than the other ice skating scenes/movies with concealing the real skater actors, but overall this was as boring as watching paint dry, I just wanted it to be over.

1/5 stars

.

The Perfect Catch (Nikki DeLoach and… shock of all shocks, no not really… our old buddy, Andrew Walker - Hallmark)

I swear, I don’t know if Andrew Walker is on some mission from god, or being punished by him. I’m in the same boat, so I empathize. At least I’m not contracted. I can’t speak for him, but I remain happy for DHJ, that he’s escaped this purgatory, and is safe on the shore… at least, at present.

In any event, this one doesn’t seem like a "Winter official”, but there were jackets and no definite spring or fall standards (pastels or orange leaves), and it’s airing now, so here we are. It seems to be baseball season, so I know they mean for it to be spring, but they are wearing coat-coats, not it’s-still-kinda-chilly light jackets. I don’t fucking care, I watched it, so I’m reporting on it.

It ticks many boxes on the Winter Fanfic Bingo card (forthcoming), specifically the ones that are carryovers from Christmas and will be carried over to all the Hallmark/Lifetime movies regardless of time of year. Because being formulaic, when playing the long game, is cheap and efficient, and in the restaurant business, or products made on a factory line, or in healthcare standards, things of that ilk, you want streamlined coupled with the trieds-and-trues. In writing? Not-so-much. It’s lazy.

And speaking of restaurants, that’s the first box that got ticked - our leading lady owns a restaurant and, next box, it’s in danger of being lost. Other boxes include: our leading man is famous; he’s the character that comes back home, leaves/might leave, then changes mine/comes back, and it’s to stay!; adorable child who ideally will bring everyone together; a character’s parents are dead. Blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah. Blah-blaaaaah-blah-bleh. <—- that had more variety than this flick. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with this movie. It’s vanilla. It’s white bread. It’s mashed potatoes with no salt or a touch of sour cream mixed in, no loading with shredded sharp cheese and crumbled brown sugar-and-cracked-pepper bacon and the barest touch of chives. I’m hungry, shut up.

It doesn’t just get 1 star because it’s not bottom barrel - everyone’s competent in their acting, there’s nothing outlandishly stupid about the script, it’s not shellacked in Velveeta. I will say that they pull a little teensy, micro-twist with how they resolve his balancing a primo offer that in no way should he pass on career-wise fairly realistically. The very last scene is, of course, stupid and embarrassing.

2/5 stars

.

The next movie has palm trees, so officially not Winter. But oof…. it’s got Kelly Rutherford and Cameron Mathison, both of whom are ringers. Hmmm. Yeah, I still ain’t subjecting myself to more than needed for this adventure. Oh, and they continue to play the basic-basic-BAAAAASIC-boring “Hope At Christmas” on Hallmark Movies and Mysteries", if you’re interested. It is a mystery to me as to why they continue to do so. Anyhow, there’s apparently 3 or 4 more brand spanking new offerings from Hallmark for the next several weeks.

More to come. I’ll reblog this with every new entry added to the top, so you can always just keep this post URL bookmarked if you think you missed it. Send an ask if you want to be tagged.

[illuminating-dragons]

In Time

Summary:  A glimpse into the future for Team Free Will, their family, and their healing. The conclusion of the 'Team Goddamnit John' series.

Final part of the trilogy of In Vain and In Name, otherwise known as the Team Goddamnit John trilogy. 

            In time, Dean will believe that he is his own man.

            Knowing that your father hated you, that you could never be good enough for him so why not make the people you love happy instead, is one thing. Accepting that you tried to be like him for so many years, and being unable to disentangle yourself from those facets of your identity, is another.

            But Dean will manage it, because he is that kind of person. He responds to positive reinforcement like a flower to the sun (as Cas says when he feels poetic), and he will learn to listen. He will spend time with his family, with all his family, and he will be grateful for every moment. He will work cases and fix cars and set up Safe Houses all over the country, driving Baby with sackfuls of things that hunters will need and want when they stumble into one of those sanctuaries.

            He will take up knitting too, because Mom does it and Kevin does it, and he’ll make sweaters for everyone, one at a time, with the best yarn he can find for each person. Sam’s sweater will take the better part of two months (and ends up being just a little too big), and Cas’ is made of the softest yarn Dean can find.

            Young ones will still gravitate to Dean, and he will step into the role that Bobby did, being Dad to anyone who needs him. He will even connect with Ben, whose memories get fixed by a mysterious force when he’s eighteen. There will be a huge fight between Dean and Lisa over that decision, but when the dust settles, Ben spends weeks at the Bunker with his dad, blood or not.

            Dean will always love rock, but he likes to listen to softer music every now and then, especially when he and Cas are alone. He will buy satin panties and expensive salt scrubs, call all of his children on their birthdays, and write Cas little love notes.

            He will also still engage in prank wars with Sam (and their Mom, and anyone else who wants to join in), blare music too loud, and he still hates witches, though he’ll make an exception for Rowena.

            Dean will always be Dean, but he will be the man he’s always wished he could be, the kind who was open with all of himself, who loves as hard as he fights, and enjoys little luxuries.

            And the man who will drive his Impala as fast as he can get away with, sometimes with a full car, sometimes just him and his brother, sometimes him and Cas, and sometimes all by himself, driving under a crescent moon towards home, towards family, towards love.

            In time, Sam will feel healed.

            Not that Chuck’s healing didn’t work. All of the aches were gone, but for someone who’s been in pain for the vast majority of his existence, it will take a while for it to sink in.

            When their family starts coming back from Heaven, Sam will think it’s the peak of happiness. He’ll hug everyone for as long as he can, sleep as little as possible, and talk himself hoarse. It will feel wonderful.

            There will be an awkward moment though, when Jess reveals that she and Sarah are now together. Sam will smile, because he’s happy for them both, but he will worry about Sarah’s husband, and her daughter, who will soon be four.

            Then they will hear from the husband, and find out that he found love with a man, and they’re raising Bess together. And of course his ‘parted-as-friends’ ex-wife (Amara has gotten better at painting realistic scenarios for the returning) is welcome to partial custody of Bess, and Sarah and Jess will have the bright little girl every weekend.

            Angelic travel is quite useful.

            So Sam will support Jess and Sarah, and he will get to work with Charlie and Bobby to digitize and organize every resource in the Bunker, and they find record of other Bunkers (smaller ones, backups for the backups), and they will go on a road trip to find the others, open them up, and make them appropriate Safe Places (if hunters can’t make it to Dean’s Safe Houses).

            But Jess and Sarah will come on that trip too, and after Charlie and Bobby are asleep (or at least pretending to be), they will tell Sam that they love him, too. And that three people in love sounds great to them.

            Sam will be nervous at first, because he loves Jess and he was once close to falling in love with Sarah, but things are different. Their lives are different, he is different. Could they really love him, with how much he has changed?

            Jess and Sarah will assure him that they do. They’ve changed too, after all, but their feelings haven’t.

            And so they will become three.

            And a few weeks later, when they encounter Eileen, they will start to become four.

            Sam will love his ladies, and his ladies will love each other, and their relationship will only strengthen with time, as Bess grows, as Jess and Eileen both become pregnant within two months of each other (this wasn’t on purpose, and Sam endures some teasing because of it). They will name their son Patrick Dean and their daughter Abigail Lee, and they will be happy.

            But it’s before then, the first morning when Sam wakes up with the three of them in his bed and the sounds of family outside the door and the world becoming brighter, that Sam will feel healed.

            Because he loves and is loved, and that is what he deserves.

            And at last, he believes it.

             In time, Cas will find his faith again.

            When he was growing up in Heaven, he had faith in the word of God, the tenets of the angelic world. He believed that he should protect and serve humanity, that the Creator deserved his allegiance, and that evil would be extinguished with the Apocalypse.

            He attached these values to the Father he never met, and so believed in Him. It was enough to sustain him through long years of training and battles, and actually prompted his many rebellions (the ones Naomi and later Zachariah quashed). After all, the word of God counted above all, how could some of Heaven’s plans be correct?

            But the Lord works in mysterious ways, and so Cas never truly questioned the Word, even when he questioned his fellow angels.

            Then the apocalypse happened, and Cas encountered humanity for the first time, really saw them. And he saw angels properly for the first time.

            And as he fell in love, so his faith began to falter. Because how could his Father plan for Dean Winchester to be merely a vessel, only a pawn?

            And seeing Sam Winchester’s struggles against every instinct, against everything Heaven and Hell threw in his path, Cas doubted further. This wasn’t right. This was wrong.

            But this was the Word.

            And when he couldn’t find his Father—when prayer, when pleading, when threats, when searching did nothing—Cas gave up on his faith. Clearly God didn’t need his angels to believe in him, or he would have heard Castiel’s prayer. He would have fought to protect humanity from Lucifer and Michael’s fights, from the clashing of Heaven and Hell played out through two good men.

           But Cas will find it again.

           He will spend time with the Winchesters and aid other hunters, but he will spend time in Heaven too. He will learn about Amara, begin to understand her wildness, and his fear will turn to respect and love, because he recognizes her delight in the small and glorious, just as he does.

           And he will spend time with his Father, and speak to him as an equal—not an unquestioning soldier, not a desperate son, but as an equal. As someone who understands the depth of error and the triumph of redemption, who earned these on his own.

          And he will come to understand at last how flawed his Father is, and how many of these flaws were transferred to humanity. He will see his Father’s mistakes, hear excuses that are insufficient, and grasp how petty an immortal, all-powerful being can truly become.

          And he will love him, anyways. Cas will accept these flaws and forgive Chuck and appreciate him for his mercy, for his enthusiasm, for his love. He will join his Father in a strange bar, and they will drink and talk about all the questions eternal beings can understand. They will work on Heaven together, and Cas will understand at last that he was loved and trusted, and that he is worthy in Heaven’s eyes.

          Which will be nice to know, but Cas will always find his worth in Dean Winchester’s eyes and in the warmth of the family they share, and this above all else will restore his faith.

          Because in all of Father’s creations, Cas will find his home in these people and in this time, and that was the Word.

[elizabethrobertajones]

12x23 watching notes

Sucks to be you lot, I got nearly a week less hiatus than you to think about this

(Oh god, hi it's Monday evening after the episode and I've finally made it through a day without a bizarre dizzy spell and limbs made of solid lead. Time to watch this >.>)

expectations: Mittens told me she loved it and she's my barometer so I'm tentatively hoping that it works :P

Also whatever happens, 13x04 or thereabouts is going to be a fucking Scooby Doo episode so there's no way literally anything happens here that won't be better in 4 episodes.

-

I feel like I don't any anything snarky OR clever to say about the opening montage, which is ominous. About my brain, I mean. Season 12 has been a wild ride.

It's also possible I entirely transcended after the hug in 12x22 and don't actually need anything from the show any more, like, Sam and Mary are happy, Dean's all better and so things will clearly eventually work out with Cas, like... I don't even need to see that to know it happens :P

(I mean I'd have HATED the show to end here because AAAH CAS but just assuming he's fine, this is how it goes now Dean's ticked "parent issues" off his emotional burden and is basically just left with "i'm gay for the angel help" on there :P)

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CAS! Hello! He's enjoying the view of the lake.

Kelly gives us a fake-out "prayer" where it turns out she's blaspheming.

I would have no idea if this is important or not for later because even with 12x19's great work we really don't have a strong measure on Kelly as a character as we should have, except that she was originally devout or going along with being devout. She now thinks her baby is a God and if she's taking the original God aka Chuck's name in vain, then yeah. (Also important for Cas, I suppose considering his much more complicated personal relationship with Chuck aka God)

I like it because it makes her position in this all the more interesting because she seems to be asking for help but it turns out she is asking for the strength not to kill "Sven" and if she was really thinking she'd burn down an IKEA, that's using the nephilim's power for harm, because she's 110% capable of grabbing Cas, dragging him back to IKEA, and making him set the whole thing alight for her.

Since it's the opening line of the episode, the whole "not what it seems" element, especially showing her as vulnerable and devout, immediately re-casts her as angry and violent and blasphemous... Obviously it turns out to be on a hilarious level but like with many many things I talk about, the initial suggestion was an honest plea for help. And though it's subverted, what does it say about the actual relationship with God, and how she feels... I mean she was asking for help so that means she feels she doesn't need any help from GOD, just help from this Sven

Also the fact this means they went IKEA shopping is pretty hilarious to me all by itself because Cas and regular human activities. I would assume Cas is indulging her whims for the baby whether he thinks it will kill her to give birth or not, if he's mostly in control of his thought processes and is in general behaving like Cas except for the override switch being thrown on priorities.

Remember back in 12x17 where I was talking about how Kelly would be so much more interesting if Dagon had let her decorate a room in their abandoned hovel of the week? I would still have loved to have seen that version but once again Dabb and I are on a wavelength because there's no way this wasn't already in the pipeline when I was saying all that, so I imagine he got quite a kick out of reading it on my blog, knowing what was to come. I was even thinking she'd paint it yellow. Anywho, as I was saying there, the uncanny valley of making a beautiful baby room in such a location is beautifully jarring and creepy and everything about her trying to treat this as normal and to make the world ready for him in this very specific mundane way, when there is no way in a billion years she could make the world ready for him considering what he means to this world.

-

Oh no I hit play and Cas said he was good at following orders. I'm pretty sure that's the exact opposite of what he is, but he THINKS he is, or at least thinks that he was MADE to follow orders. Question that this episode may or may not answer: if a being is designed to be the perfect order-following drone, and then attempts IKEA furniture, will it succeed? More importantly, even if it's actually terrible at following orders when it's making emotional calls, will the simple morality-free consequences of building an IKEA thing make it easier and give it one easy thing to do in its life when it's never had it easy before to follow orders without making concerned calls of its own based on its better judgement, or will it somehow fuck up the furniture anyway because it thought there was a better way to do something?

Is this possibly a metaphor

-

Kelly is angry because she knows she's going to die and wants to teach the baby to ride a bike and get married... Look, you really have a skewed idea of what he's going to be ALLOWED to do. Even if he grows up at a normal speed, if he's left with his powers, I doubt he will ever have a free afternoon to learn to ride a bike in peaceful safety.

-

"I will give my life for your son. And I will raise him - " *pauses immediately to scowl at the blatant awful contradiction*

-

"- and I will make him someone you will be proud of"

the other thing is I just can't imagine Cas teaching anyone to ride a bike and I am not sure he has entirely thought this through, because I DO have absolute faith in Cas that if he was allowed and everything went in this saccarine way he would do his absolute best for the kid and raise him perfectly but dear god that means Cas will feel a burden like he has never felt before to learn how the hell to ride a bike and impart that knowledge to a kid on training wheels, and at this point we get so deep into an incongruous mental image I am pretty sure I'm imagining a total AU Cas

on the other hand several watching notes ago I visualised Cas's perfectly normal house in suburbia where he's hidden stuff like the demon tablet, first blade, and whatever the hell it was in season 12 that made me conjure this image up in the first place, and now I think Cas would obviously move the kid there to grow up, and the fact that he hasn't yet is probably mostly because he's a little nervous about what would happen if a nephilim touched the demon tablet.

see there's a secret continuity to these notes

The other thing that makes me convinced the baby will not be allowed to live a normal life is not because its powers are too great to be left alone but because if it's with Cas, he's such a fucking beacon of madness and drama from the rest of the world that he'd have that baby in a baby pouch on his chest, running around smiting stuff, all year long :P Again, getting to the point of a ridiculously incongruent mental image.

This world is engineered towards freedom, not peace, and Cas was the one who by being bad at following orders, made sure it was so. Now he more than anyone pays the price for that

-

Omg talk about multi-layered. Dean telling Mary about how Crowley is so hard to kill he's like a cockroach, and he'll believe it himself when he sees the body, and burns it. Obviously you got salt n burn of a bad guy, and hunter's funeral of someone he cares about. Which would he give Crowley? All surface stuff Dean wants to indicate at this point is that Crowley's an idiot who somehow got tangled up in Lucifer again and made him their problem, AGAIN, and basically he has no reason to admit his fondness for the King of Hell to his mom who barely gets the situation, and Sam who mocks him about the summer of love at any given opportunity but still probably doesn't *get* what that was for Dean, and really doesn't like Crowley all that much, still, after all this time.

-

It belatedly occurs to me that Sam forcing out a thanks he mostly means but hates saying to Crowley in 12x15 was a lot like Dean trying to thank Ruby in 4x09 and knowing he actually is sort of grateful but you know... not pleased about her one bit :P

-

*interlude that allows me to hit the 5 minute mark as we recap Crowley not being dead* He mimics Dean in 4x01 crawling out of his grave, with rather less bizarre sex appeal.

(... I have no idea but Jensen Ackles can make literally anything sexy.)

Also the music is clearly making a mockery of him doing that, like, it's just too overdramatic, while with 4x01 of course the whole thing was treated with the respect and importance it deserved. If Dean had resurrected with the exact same motions it would have been a comedy

-

I dislike the five minute mark intensely.

-

I'm just going to assume she'll resurrect herself quietly without a fuss once Lucifer's gone, and go hide out until this is all over, maybe do that spell to punt herself back to the 1400s like she wanted to in 11x22

Hope she has fun on a second time over.

And avoids literally all of this crap

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There's a diamond-ish pattern on the wall in the room - fancier than normal diamonds because Lucifer isn't just a regular demon >.>

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Oh dear he's waving around Rowena's voodoo doll now. The big black heart patch is even more relevant.

-

You know I think Sam is genuinely mourning Rowena, all his expected Lucifer panic aside

-

This place Cas and Kelly are holed up in really really looks like places I saw in Scotland when I was visiting. I may be mourning Rowena.

-

As I was saying to Mittens I think 12x13 is supposed to be the episode that tied up all their ends and should have been her true farewell episode wrapping up all the MacLeod family drama which truly started in 9x21 shortly before Rowena was introduced in season 10... Buuut they made such a hodge podge of the story I can't even remember without checking what else was in it except for 3 brief interludes about Kelly, which was nowhere near enough to rob all the time from Gavin and Rowena getting a good story, so... I'm confuzzled.

-

Meanwhile, Cas is being Cas about childrearing. He says everyone poops but HE doesn't poop - the baby may poop if it's more human in physiology, but that's not actually a 50 50 chance if it turns out to be more angel than not, and it's certainly so powerful what's left for the human side of it... i guess except for pooping, until it's old enough to have actual working empathy and reason to discover if it's got free will and compassion

-

It did something to the truck through Kelly but to my great disappointment there's no Dabb vs cars pay off and it makes the truck magic. It just briefly holds the power until they're not looking, then it dribbles out and floats off to cause trouble elsewhere

-

"Lucifer's right," Dean says, and probably sacrifices like 3 sanity points to say it (we're doing Call of Cthulu this rewatch instead of D&D I guess?)

It's a fair point that they're really playing on the wrong board here; they can deal with a human problem like the BMoL. A little blood and tears, but they conquered it and the 3 of them solved their family drama and everything's right again. (I assume someone gave Mary the "It's okay you were brainwashed when you killed all those people, it totally doesn't count" speech)... But yeah they don't know how to find Lucifer, their plan is a vague "find Cas" and Dean seems to be relying on making Cas do what they want (he's good at following orders >.>) rather than wrangling the larger problem. Sam says they can hopefully siphon off the baby's grace but if not... they find something else, again, vague and again, no resources to do it - to be clear, they have at the moment, no way to find Cas, no way to kill Lucifer, and no way to deal with the baby if their desperate way doesn't work, and dealing with Cas is a pretty desperate option too, to make him do something when again Dean said "Team Free Will" to him last time they had a real talk, and, yeah.

-

"I always wanted to punch the devil in the face" I love Mary Winchester

-

I didn't pause in time to tell Cas not to touch the creepy line of power that came from his truck. I assume he's been transported to an alternate dimension that is loosely connected to his truck. Spiritually, perhaps.

-

Buffy style demons?

-

I did not expect to be at this moment as soon as we are. Seemed like a last 3rd of the episode thing, after shit had gone down,  but Cas has been thrown into angry truck verse too soon.

-

I also thought it would be pretty random but I didn't expect HOW random and you know how I said a while back Dabb era is totally random and it's so hard to guess anything that happens because he will just be like "Lol whatever if it gets where we want to go" - this is why I hate speculating this season :P Certain things happen *exactly* on cue and others are like, Cas probably ought not to be around for this part, let's just... put him over here

-

Kelly to Jack - "you have an angel watching over you!" yeah like that's not already the most corrupt phrase on the show since Mary said it to her own pregnant tummy in 5x13 right when Michael had just happened to Dean (and prompted the saying of "team free will" in the first place. I've been ironically using it as my Mary & her sons (and step son) dynamic tag all season because of that - to refer to the cosmic fuckedupness of their backstory with angels, Mary's attitude towards her boys, their feelings towards her (re: 2x13 and how DEAN felt about Mary encapsulated in that comment and how Sam was left out because he didn't know anything about Mary) and of course the fact they obtained an actual angel to watch over them who is awesome at watching over them and caring about them like Mary always wanted, and Dean was so upset she said but she DIED and he had no faith and angels weren't even real and -

okay when I said the Winchesters were done with their story, the "and Cas" dynamic completely changes the emotional stuff they need to address and I was being pretty flippant about Dean swapping that to making out with Cas, but essentially, yeah. Kelly is showing that this exact thing is still a narratively relevant thing after Dean got some core, childhood trauma level catharsis out of Mary finally, dealing with the absolute baseline of their relationship.

This is still to go, I guess, because Kelly saying this shows there's still some fucked up stuff the Winchesters have to deal with, and faith and angels and is a shared nightmare of a family therapy session for this squad.

-

Ahahaha Dean's reactions are great. Just punch Crowley in the face and have a knife out in moments.

And yeah Crowley deserves that. As I said somewhere ELSE in my notes over the season, Dean had one lie left to discover, after everyone else lied to him in the second half of the season and he discovered it.

(everyone except Rowena *sobs*)

-

Sam remains beautifully in character re: killing Crowley. Dean definitely seems like he will but then in 12x19 he packed an angel blade to go yell at Cas. Not sure what level of mad and betrayed those two things compare like but Crowley's already on a barely tolerated frenemies list when Dean isn't compromised by the whole summer of love thing and it's pretty easy to forget that when Crowley let out Lucifer.... So yeah he's got a lot more to be worried about than Cas :P

-

Crowley admits he kept Lucifer out of the cage because he wanted to win - belatedly giving us the exact same motivations as Cas doing all the betraying and getting dragged off by the nephilim

-

We very belatedly get to the part of Crowley's arc where he voices he really really hates running hell. I mean, Dabb wrote 6x04 where Crowley was immediately displeased with doing the job because he couldn't trust anyone else to do it (the sort of people who want to run hell are... pretty volatile. And the ecosystem only supports one Crowley type personality doing well there :P) He says being in the rat made him realise he hated it, but it's been clear since season 10 that this is where it was all going for Crowley, another plot thing that got dragged out (and is filed under my lesser complaint that they didn't know what to do with him at the end of the season just like Cas because they both ended up having such a weird non-role in the end of the season...)

Anyway I suppose we're getting back to that, while Cas has been on a much more well developed emotional journey since the start of season 11 so it's less like he's just been on ice :P

-

And Crowley bargains with closing the gates of hell, because I guess all our talk about how season 8 was all over the place with the killing hellhounds thing and nephilim and all that... It was enough to actually prompt someone to ask me if Crowley could I think, so kudos that anon if I'm not imagining it. I remember saying somewhere or other that Crowley could shut the gates of hell in an afternoon if he was fully in control of Hell because he'd have all the resources available to him. Including someone to do the trials for him so he doesn't have to die for it :P I doubt he'll get a chance to actually do this, but it's nice to have a reminder, if only to bring to the surface that this has been the theme all year.

I feel like the weird spiky realm that looks freakishly expensive to film will probably be the realm we have to worry about though :P

-

*Kelly wanders around looking for Cas, also concerned about him*

-

He's back! And he immediately lies about what happened to him, probably not to worry her, but... Yeah, something happened. Whoever he met there, he's back and not commenting, so he's either alive and fine despite everything, or being impersonated.

I guess it just wants to open a portal to a dimension of weird spiky demons because why not. Kelly's labour pains are stressing the portal Cas went through, so assume birth is going to tear it open and birth a whole bunch of spiky demons on this realm to go along with the nephilim.

If anything goes remotely predictably.

-

Is Crowley about to lampshade how boring 12x08 was?

"Is this what you do when I'm not here? Type?"

You know, I don't think Dabb likes sitting through Buckleming episodes any more than we do.

-

Uhoh, weirdness in the Pacific Northwest.

Look I spent the entire time I was facedown in a load of cushions between these episodes airing and now watching most of Twin Peaks in one go.

I also caught MORE than enough references back to it from other episodes in Supernatural to be confident that Robbie, Dabb and Edlund have been going around quoting it all the time in their episodes since the start, so there's that. :P

-

Oh no Cas is using "James Novak" to rent the house. I suppose everyone who cares about Jimmy is at peace now but it still makes me weird to think about how that's still legally who he is as long as he keeps hold of stuff like Jimmy's driving licence and for all we know life savings

-

"It's about time," Crowley says, still lampshading how boring 12x08 was.

-

Cas is being really sweet. He took a class online to help him help Kelly give birth. He's like... the nicest guy ever

I don't think he's quite twigged that humans have no idea how to do half this stuff either from a standing start... unwittingly walking the path of the expecting father without knowing everyone freaks out this much without the whole "helping give birth to a nephilim in the shack in the woods with no medical professionals around" side

-

Yeah the glowy thing is still there Cas... Still not telling her about it, I see. She's as they think going to be dead in 12-18 hours anyway so no point worrying her about the fact the birth of her son is opening a portal to this-world's-hell-isn't-actually-scary-anymore

-

"Thank you, for everything." "of course"

*generic exchange from the Destiel playbook*

-

He tells her a bedtime story of his vision of the Future, reminding us with the visual of the nephilim's power creeping up his arm and taking over his eyes - and she grabs his hand again. A world without pain or hunger or want. Sounds... a bit unrealistic as he gets to a world without fear or suffering or hate - he saw paradise, which is confirming he's doing the same thing as Mary with the "world without monsters" mantra that nearly was her total undoing. He's got a world without suffering, just the same deal, on a bigger scale. I love love love how he's the centre of everything - Mary sharing one side, Crowley using the same story about wanting a win in his own selfish way, and Cas in the centre with the much more deep, complex story going on utilising all of this.

-

Nyooom

-

Cas knows that motor anywhere

-

Oh dear he has his angel blade out to meet them

-

"Dean." (Mary and Sam also walk into the hall)

-

Sam does eventually take the lead on telling Cas they seriously need to worry about Lucifer right now - a shared thing between them, I guess. Dean and Cas are hostile but Sam moves around to stand behind Cas. Dean says they'll work through their crap later because they always do. Accepting that fights are transient parts of being a couple (uh, family) and obviously they might be mad at each other now but that doesn't mean an end to it.

-

*Cas angrily heals Dean's knee and I'm sad he didn't grab his knee but amused at how pissed off Cas was because he was never not going to heal Dean when he saw he was hurt but he doesn't have to be happy about it*

Sam takes the time to wander further into the house and Cas has to chase after him to defend the odd garden feature from him

-

Too late.

-

Oh dear it's a tear in space and time. is it showing the future that will happen if the nephilim is born and that's what Cas has been seeing despite describing paradise to Kelly?

-

Aww it's just an alternate dimension.

uh

Sam and Dean relate to this because they remember The French  Mistake. Oh dear. :P I never thought that would get mentioned again.

-

"How did this get here?" Asking the real questions, Sam. You know, after the deviation to reminisce fondly about 6x15 while staring at a hole in the fabric of reality.

Cas tells them they don't want to know what's on the other side, but Dean says they need to. You can't just hide things from someone because you don't want to worry them, especially when it's staring them in the face with a great big glowy rip in reality.

-

Oh, it's daytime now. Guess it runs backwards to their world with timezones.

Cas has to defend that he thinks it's perfectly okay to hang out here because the nephilim opened the portal and will close it again and he has faith. Dean is like !?!?!? okay no??

Calls him a dumbass again

-

hey it's the guy from the 2 in 1 promo. C'mon, turn out to be Garth with padding.

-

Fuckin knew it

-

Go a year without seeing that face on our screens? Never.

-

Also let me just rewind and yell about Cas calling him a friend and Dean being grumpy about Cas having friends but listen, Cas and Bobby is the best and truest friendship on the show shut your mouth Dean.

-

you know technically Bobby is "garth with padding" in the sense that Garth metaphorically took over his role after his death, while being a lanky guy.

I'm calling that a win.

-

Correction: beret!bobby. He's awesome.

-

Making up for being killed off-screen in the opening of Endverse

-

I love how Sam and Dean keep on trying to make Bobby know who they are even after Cas keeps on trying to explain that he has no idea who they are

-

You know Cas seeing a world that Sam and Dean never saved while he's currently helping the nephilim be born in a way that is utterly terrifying for the fabric of their reality should probably make him a lot more nervous, but he's fine because he has faith

for Sam and Dean, it's a different thing to see altogether, because sure they get they saved the world and they didn't NEED to see how awful it would be without them to know they did a good thing. But Dean literally just made peace with Mary over this and Sam seemed to as well although honestly he's been going along with it all so much as it happens maybe he needs a great big set piece to see all this and muse on how their lives changed the world because it gives him a very external way to see and process that Mary's deal may have sucked for them personally, and kinda damned him for a little while etc etc Dean gave her the sob story on Sam's behalf last episode, but if he was ever going to have a similar way to be at peace with Mary compared to Dean getting the personal one, it's revisiting the early seasons Kripke Era mytharc and asking what would have happened if it hadn't happened.

Ironically in 4x03 Cas sets Dean on his little quest to silently observe everything with "you have to stop it" but if anything his actions set things in motion and averted this world... Quite a self-fulfilling prophecy that Heaven and Hell were so obsessed with the bloodlines and the prophecy and the blah blah blah that they managed to avert the apocalypse by trying to make it happen.

-

Blah blah nothing we didn't already know with Mary and Kelly although nice they're talking female character to female character >.>

Getting a bit worried they were like omg Lucifer's coming and then Sam and Dean and Cas all go have a vacation elsewhere and leave Mary alone to defend Kelly. I suppose we know Cas comes back because there was the promo scene with him kissing Kelly on the forehead presumably as she's dying but I didn't analyse the video very much at ALL so I can't really remember what else we haven't seen as we've now seen all the bits I think anyone was yelling about and forcing our attention to

-

Bobby called his gun Rufus :')

It's angel killing bullets. :O Dean is like "awesome" and Cas side-eyes him with the best side-eyes Cas has had in years like, I was SHOT with one of those, you dick.

-

I don't think Mary's going to keep the hand :P

-

Oh they made it back.

-

"Are you alright?" Cas immediately asks Dean, personally, if he's alright and Dean's like "NO" and his voice creaks as he describes being trapped between Lucifer and Mad Max

-

"I don't even know where to start!" yep still on with that theme from earlier. They've been witnesses all year, really - just showing up in episodes as events unfold, and they really, really haven't had a handle on stuff. Even the BMoL situation played out in such a way that Mary killed Ketch and Jody killed Dr Hess and Ketch killed Mick and Toni, and Mary killed that awesome lady who attacked them at the start of the season - whether it's the brothers specifically not being allowed to kill too many humans too causally on screen or what, combined with being witnesses to round after round of the Lucifer thing, the only "win" they thought they got was banishing him, and Crowley fucked that up too so no wonder Dean hit him

-

Oh he's back

hi crowley

-

"Turns out I'm the answer to all your problems"

(did they seriously think he couldn't get out of being pinned to a table with a knife and no other restraints? I mean it HURTS but it doesn't actually incapacitate him from doing stuff like... pulling the knife out...)

Anyway didn't we have some speculation Crowley was maybe going to dramatically hero moment the day?

(Ah maybe something silly I was saying to Mittens in 12x08 when I was joking about what could possibly happen next with the vague teasing that something ridiculous was about to happen)

-

Kelly and Mary are now BFFs and Mary is unwittingly Kelly's hand holding friend through this. I suspect this is just to tie up some things about all the Dagon and Mary as parallel mothers that was going on at some point in 12x17 or 12x19 when she was villain monologuing

-

Is Cas going to tell her that her son is opening holes in reality? Or just whatever the plan is Crowley showed up with

-

Dean has the pre-drama chat with Sam about having faith in their family. Weirdly includes Crowley in that too despite almost killing him earlier, and adds a "sometimes" - he's got used to rely on Crowley to want to save his own bacon via using them and incidentally saving THEIR bacon enough times it almost looks like friendship :P

(Also... summer of love.)

-

You know it was totally sweet in context where Cas kissed her on the head. Definitely nothing to actually be concerned about in this episode - the whole opening was so funny and cute with guardian angel plays at being dad but the fact he was doing it AS a guardian angel was very very clear

-

Anyway Lucifer showed up

-

Sam makes a bizarre out of left field play telling Lucifer that Chuck wouldn't allow him to do whatever he wants to do, though 12x07 had Lucifer's big meltdown (literally) in front of them about how abandoned and miserable he felt. Not sure if this is part of the plan or Sam's buying for time hoping to get him ranting again.

(I mean. Lucifer is ranting again so.)

-

If there IS a random Chuck and Lucifer second attempt at reconciliation at this point I wouldn't put it past Dabb although not currently sure what part that plays. Chuck did choose these losers to defend the planet on his behalf after all

-

You know, Lucifer thinks this world sucks. A very obvious solution is just to let him chase them around the house, then someone kick him into that portal right before Jack closes it, if he is indeed going to do that

-

"Apocalypse take two. That's your plan." "When in doubt, go with the classics" You know, Lucifer, did you ever ask what happened to your brother Raphael?

Cas. Cas happened to him.

-

Anyway part of the great season 6 redux. How does it go this time? Well there's a lake literally right there and a portal full of nasties, and Bobby did some basic lore info on them so I have to assume it's not totally random what was through there, but at least SOME of it is going to be a problem for them next year

-

"See you on the other side" yeah that's... a thing that Dean said

-

LOL Dean and Sam turn and leg it around the house

*glances at Dabb* I worry about how much I think like him sometimes.

-

They lure Lucifer in out of curiosity. It's power, he's interested, and... I really hope Bobby kills him

-

"You wanted the apocalypse, you got it" this honestly seems like almost a kind way to retire Lucifer without killing him. Just shove him in a world even worse than endverse and let him have a crack at things where he's not the biggest fish in town and has some catching up to do

-

Dean gets to shoot Lucifer a billion times with an assault weapon because, well, he already shot the grenade launcher today, he needs something more fun to do now

-

Oh dear, now he's out of bullets

-

Lucifer really likes puching Dean in the face. He probably still feels he owes him some more face punches since 5x22

Dean is happy to volunteer his face up as a distraction, at least because Lucifer won't kill him instantly because he prefers punching Dean and making it slow...

-

Oh wow gee doing a spell that seals the rift needs someone to stick around and -

not just do it, a life apparently. Uh, Crowley... Are you gonna do this just to spite Lucifer?

-

Sam and Dean employ the tactic of running away again

-

Lucifer teases Crowley for wanting to make it personal by not locking him away in the cage and just ending it when it should have ended.

I think personal spite is going to play a biiit of a role here :P

-

*Crowley villain monologues like a champion*

-

Time go, Sam and Dean

-

"Bye, boys"

BYE CROWLEY

Maybe

for now anyway

-

The MacLeod Family Drama definitely ended this season anyway - I do think 12x13 ought to have been a showstopper of an episode with all their laundry aired and stuff to make it fair, and of course to have resolved the time travel nonsense better

but anyway, I think Rowena and Mary have a huge thematic overlap for what they do for Dean and Crowley - it did resolve Crowley's emotional arc in a way where rounds of villainy and winning/losing could be an eternal pattern with the Winchesters. Even if it ended badly it still ENDED and they all came to a point where there was closure of some sort. And Crowley is still the dark mirror to all this, and same for Rowena, even if she also softened to the Winchesters in the last season. (And Sam softened enough to Crowley to say thank you to him - him getting the hug and thank yous was a real doom :P)

-

*a lot of things happen very quickly to which my reaction is just ????*

I suppose Cas either had no idea what was going on and charged in to save the day when it took too long, or the nephilim sent him in to kill Lucifer because why not. Mary just got knocked out and Kelly's glowing

I kind of feel this is Cas wanted to be there because the writing moved him there

-

CAS

Oh my fucking god remember how terrified I was last episode of Jody standing with her back to the open door because the same thing happened to that random hunter?

ALSO I tried to rewatch the season before I got sick and everything ground to a halt and all these episodes suddenly happened, and the opening road so far recapping 11 had that random angel who died and looked like Cas in the promo for 11x09 and freaked everyone out and it looked pretty much exactly like this, so if you can somehow retain the entire season in your head, uuh

Fuckin Dabb era fucking - GAH

-

Did Lucifer really just growl at Mary

Brass knuckles! Work on angels too

Repeating 12x01 where Ms Watt (rememebred her name) was so badass and unstoppable with them and kicked their butts until Mary stopped her. Mary is the unstoppable force

-

Oh didn't want to see a random shot of dead cas not thinking about that lalalala

-

We forgot Adam

Lucifer didn't

*swan songs Mary out of there*

Technically Michael did that to HIM but I guess flippy flippy everything's reversed, Mary's going to the reverse verse anyway

-

Dabb era is freaking inside out

-

Run, Mary.

-

Okay I can see what they said about Purgatory, but that is a reverse of it completely, Mary alone in a hostile land but with Lucifer instead of how Dean was with Cas, and whatever they were in season 7 and however it looked like Cas flapped off and abandoned him at the end, he wouldn't be a threat to him

-

Sam sees the light is flashing in the house as Jack is being born, Dean is a bit distracted looking at Cas in a way that made my brain ache so much I saw stars and had to pause

-

I drank half a bottle of water and hit play and I mostly screamed at Mittens about the following succession of events in incoherent caps but my conclusion is, that long shot of Dean having fallen to his knees then falling to sit down in despair looking up while right beside Cas and we have wings and... yeah that is the Worst Shot On The Entire Show and will never ever ever be topped by anything they ever do ever again. I have seen the image that my Hell will be wallpapered with.

I didn't even believe in Hell until just now :P

-

Anyway Sam has stuff to worry about

-

Hey look Kelly put herself to rest except for the open eyes

bye bye

now where's the baby

-

Oh look it has adult sized feet

-

Is Sam ending the season in a room with a crib because yiiikes Dabb. Yikes. Jack is after all metaphorically connected to him strongest of anyone because of the whole original Sam arc that this season has been aaaaaaaaall about

-

Yeah he's ending the season in a room with a giant naked baby with yellow eyes huddling by its crib

-

Anyway what the fuck.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

I don't like being in hiatus with you all it was actually nice being horrifically ill and binge watching Twin Peaks.

[samwinlover-blog]

Ignorance is Bliss P2

Part One Here

Pairing: Sam x Reader  Characters: Sam, the reader, mention of Dean and Bobby, unknown family, vengeful spirit  Warnings: angst, swearing, fight scenes  Word count: 2953 Summary: After solving the case, the reader and Sam head to the houses to stop the spirit once and for all.  Tag List: @amanda-teaches @myplaceofthingsilove@evyiione @mogaruke@aliensdeservebetter@27bmm@craving-cas @spnfanficpond​ @amanda-teaches  @myplaceofthingsilove  @spectaculicious@bambinovak @bambinovak@writingthingsisdifficult@padackles2010 @mamaredd123@milkymilky-cocopuff @iwantthedean@zeppo-in-a-trenchcoat @spntrista @d-s-winchester@just-another-busy-fangirl@winchesterprincessbride@waywardjoy@supernaturalyobsessed@whywhydoyouwantmetosaymyname@sandlee44@fangirl1802@kittenofdoomage @evyiione @winchestersmut@purgatoan@mogaruke @therewillbeblood @megansescape @taste-of-dean@leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid  @scarlet-soldier-in-an-impala@deathtonormalcy56@wildfirewinchester @notnaturalanahi@jensen-jarpad@impalaimagining@fangirlextraordinaire@itseverythingilike@jesspfly@lovekittykat21@mysteriouslyme81@mrswhozeewhatsis@aiaranradnay@supernatural-jackles@girl-next-door-writes@spnsasha@27bmm@spnfanficpond @amanda-teaches@myplaceofthingsilove@spectaculicious@bambinovak@writingthingsisdifficult@spn-imagines-to-feel@spn-ficfanatic@cleverdame@saxxxology@jensen-jarpad @keepcalmandcarryondean dancingpanda137

Masterlist Here!

“Where are you going- you just missed the exit!” Sam groaned and sat back in his seat. 

“No, I didn’t! The police station is this way, you idiot!” You yelled back at him.

“We’re going straight to the neighborhood, not the police station.” His voice was deadpanned, as if what he said was completely obvious.

You shouted again at him, defending yourself, “You didn’t tell me that! And Dean doesn’t have a ride, we have to go pick him up!”

“I didn’t tell Dean either. Just turn here, it’ll be faster just the two of us.”

You shook your head, definitely not wanting to spend any more time just the two of you. But then you remembered that Dean had wanted to be alone, the look he’d given you. He needed time to deal, to get away from it all. You also remembered that the clock was ticking, and those families were in danger. So, reluctantly, you gave him a nod and turned back onto the highway.

“Okay, so tell me what we know so far about the spirit.” Sam asked, sounding bored.

“Lizzie Abrams, was drowned when she was 10, and is haunting four old houses in the neighborhood. She kills the eldest male in the family usually within a few weeks of them moving in, and she can move from house to house.”

Sam furrowed his brow, looking vaguely like the man you used to know, before responding, “She’s gotta be attached to something then, let’s just stakeout the houses until something happens.”

“No! We’re not using those families as bait, Sam that’s wrong.” You tried to explain empathy to him, but knew he didn’t understand. It killed you to see him suggest things like that, to be okay with putting innocent families in danger. With his soul, he’d lost everything that made him him. All the empathy and sincerity that made him such an amazing man was gone.

“Okay, how else are we going to know where she is?!” Sam yelled, clearly not caring about anything you’d just said to him.

“I don’t know, we should go in there and try to help though!” You yelled right back, quickly losing your temper.

“Okay how about we just waltz right in and tell them their being haunted by a 10 year old? That’ll definitely work, thanks for the awesome suggestion.” Sam rolled his eyes and leaned back in his seat.

“Okay fine, we do a stakeout. But, Sam, I swear to god we’re dropping everything the second something seems off. We aren’t using them as bait.”

He gave you a cruel grin before responding, “Whatever you have to tell yourself.”

When you finally pulled into the neighborhood it was different than you expected. You’d never seen it before and had stayed behind when Sam and Dean initially scoped it out. It was nicer than you pictured it, all new houses and freshly mowed lawns. All except those four decrepit looking houses at the end of the drive. They towered over all the other ones with chipped paint and broken windows- you had no idea why anybody would want to live in them. They looked as though they were part of a movie, some weird 18th century horror film with no sound.

“We should call Dean,” You suggested as you parked the Impala on the curb in front of the houses.

“I already did, he got a call from Bobby and had to leave. He’ll be back in a few days, looks like it’s just you and me.” Soulless gave you a small wink and you already wanted to rip his head off.

But you just clenched your jaw and took a breath before saying, “Is Bobby okay?”

“Yeah, I don’t know. I didn’t ask because I don’t really care.”

His dismissive tone all but set your veins on fire, but instead of yelling at him you just mumbled back, “Of course you don’t.”

The two of you waited there for hours. You’d watched all of the parents return home from work and the children be called in for dinner. The way their faces fell when they were told to stop playing outside, you were riddled with jealousy. These little kids hadn’t had to grow up on the road as you did. The only vampires or ghosts they’d ever heard of were the ones read to them in bed time stories. Lucky little bastards.

It was well past 2 AM when you finally stopped fighting it and fell asleep, unable to keep your eyes open any longer. But your slumber was short lived before you felt a nudge at your shoulder.

“(Y/N), wake up. I heard something.”

Your eyes fluttered open and you found Sam hunched over you, shaking you awake.

“Wh-what? What happened?” You muttered groggily.

“I don’t know, I heard a scream from the middle house.” Sam shrugged, as if it was unimportant.

“Oh my god, Sam! Come on we have to go!” You yelled as you pushed the Impala door open and jumped out, you were running out of time. You grabbed your bag from the back seat before sprinting to the house in front of you.

You banged on the door and found it locked. You didn’t have the time to pick it, so you decided to hurl your body against it instead. Over and over you threw yourself against the old door until it finally gave in with a groan. You bursted into the house and found Sam was right behind you.

“Where the hell are they?” You shouted at him as you looked around the room.

There was nobody to be found, not one hint of life on the entire first floor. You’d almost convinced yourself that Sam was either playing a cruel trick on your or had heard wrong, but then you heard a scream. It was coming from the upstairs.

“Sam, third floor!” You yelled, hoping he heard you as you barreled up the stairs, a gun loaded with rock salt in hand.

When you got upstairs you found yourself in an enormous hallway, dozens of doors littered the walls. And you had no idea which one to pick. Sam was right behind you and you saw him to just start bursting into random ones. So, you followed his lead. You surged through room after room, studies, bedrooms, libraries. Jesus this house was big.

You’d all but given up when you heard yet another scream, and then another one. They were coming from opposite ends of the hall, decision time. You picked the one to the right and took off into a sprint. You prayed Sam understood as you screamed, “Get the other one!”, over your shoulder. 

When you burst into the door you found it was a nursery. The walls were painted blue and decorated with puffy white clouds, toys and stuffed animals littered the floor. From the looks of the room, the child was probably a toddler. Your eyes darted around but found nothing, no source of the scream. The closet, it had to be coming from the closet. You ran over and threw open its doors. Inside you found a boy, huddled in the back corner and clutching a baby-blue blanket.

"Hey, hey it’s okay, come with me.” You reached for his hands and, hesitantly, he reached back.

“Mommies are still with the monster” The boy stuttered, sounding worried.

“M-mommies? What do you-Oh my god.” You had a horrible realization, this boy was the eldest in the family. He had two moms, which meant he was the one in danger, holy shit.

“Okay, come here, get on my back.” You hoisted him up by his shoulders and slung him onto your back before sprinting back to the hallway.

“Sam?! Sam, where are you?!” You yelled through the house, your panic quickly rising.

“Sam?!”

Still no answer.

“Sam Winchester!!!”

You had to get the little boy out. So, in a split second decision, you headed for the front door. You had to trust Sam to get the two women out, you had to believe he could do it.

But you couldn’t. He didn’t have a soul and would most likely leave them to save himself. There was also the mystery of the object Lizzie was tethered to, what in the hell was keeping her on this earth. So you put the boy in the back seat of the Impala, tried to calm him down, and ran back inside. It was a rush, hunting. A string of split second decisions while your adrenaline was pumping, you knew full well that one wrong move could be the end- all hunters did. It was something you picked up and got good at quickly, or died trying. 

Once you’d gotten back upstairs, you found Sam in the room at the opposite end of the hall. You called out to him, but he was too focused on the task at hand. The two women, who you assumed were the boys parents, were huddled in the corner. The only thing between them and the spirit was Sam, shot gun in hand. He fired a few rounds, but Lizzie just kept reappearing seconds after she was hit.

“Sam!” You called out again, and this time he turned to you.

You ran into the room and all hell broke loose. With a flick of her wrist, Lizzie had you pinned to the wall. You felt your muscles straining, screaming to break free from her grip, but you couldn’t do it. With a loud bang, Sam was beside you, his nose curled into a deadly snarl.

The women were crying now, huddling close together as Lizzie approached them and said, “Where is the boy?” in an eerily innocent sounding voice.

But the mothers were too incoherent to respond, they just continued to stutter from their crouched positions in the corner. It took all that you had, but, somehow, you aimed your gun and pulled the trigger. With a flash, Lizzie was gone and you’d hit your target. Both you and Sam groaned as you fell onto the hard wooden floor below, already feeling the bruises forming. 

“Sam, we gotta get them out of here!” You yelled at him, knowing that Lizzie was going to reappear at any moment.

“No way, (Y/N), we need back up. We can’t just do this ourselves, it was a bad call! We gotta go, we got the boy and that’s enough. Let’s move!” He shouted back, completely disregarding the two women crying before him.

“Sam, no! I’m not gonna leave them!” You all but snarled before making your way across the room, not bothering to turn back and see if he stayed or not. 

“Hi, I’m (Y/N), I’m gonna get you out of here.” You tried to make your voice soft, comforting even, but knew you had probably failed.

You waited for a response, but only saw their eyes widen as they pointed past you. Shit, you thought as you whirled around and huddled the women behind your back, trying to shield them somehow.

The spirit of Lizzie Abrams met your own wild eyed stare. She wore a dress which was probably once white, but now was nothing but a pale grey. Cobwebs and dirt littered the folds of her dress, and the ribbon tied at her midsection was frayed and sagging. Her face was worse than her clothing, though. Blonde strands of hair were strewn across it, nearly back from dirt and decay. Her lips were chapped and her cheekbones hollowed, she looked every bit like the vengeful spirit she was.

Your eyes darted around the room, searching for Sam, but saw he was nowhere to be found. He’d left, abandoned and left you to die, along with two innocent people. But you couldn’t think about that right now, your top priority were the women whimpering behind you.

You brought your gun up and pulled the trigger. But, with a defeating click, you found it was empty. Okay, you thought, time to use my hands. You rose from the floor and swung your fists at the spirit in front of you. You heard her gasp and hold a hand up as your fist connected with her jaw. You got in another punch before she hit back, throwing you against the wall which such force the wind was knocked out of you. You gasped and sputtered for breath, but found none. You had to keep fighting though, so you picked yourself up from the floor and remembered the knife in your back pocket- it was iron.

“Get to the kitchen, make a circle out of salt and stand in it!” You choked out, nodding towards the two women. But they just stayed where they were, you didn’t have time for this.

“GO!” You screamed this time, needing them to get out before Lizzie struck again. And they listened, picking themselves up from the floor and darting out of the room, leaving you alone with the spirit.

You knew it wasn’t going to end well, all you had was a knife. But you approached the 10 year old in front of you anyways, summoning all the courage you could. You slashed at her shoulder but she ducked away, leaving you off balance. You faltered for a second before regaining composure and readying to strike again. But, before you could get another jab in, you were swept from your feet and pinned to the wall with a loud bang.

You groaned and saw Lizzie holding her arm up. And, as she squeezed her hand into a fist, you felt your airway contract. You couldn’t breathe. Clawing at your throat, and desperately straining to be free of her grip, you found yourself suffocating. The edges of your vision started to blacken and you’d all but given up, finding solace in the possibility that the family had gotten out. You decided it wouldn’t be the worst way to go, saving people. You’d always known that it was all going to end bloody, it almost always did for hunters. So, closing your eyes, you let your body go limp and stopped struggling so hard.

But, just as you’d given up, you saw Lizzie burst into flames. The shriek that followed was one of the most bone chilling sounds you’d heard in your life as a hunter. It was so loud and high pitched, you thought it was going to shatter your ear drums. Desperately, you tried to put your hands over your ears as you fell to the ground, but couldn’t escape that awful scream. Minutes later, Sam appeared in the doorway, lighter in hand.

“What the hell was that back there?!” You yelled, voice raw and aching.

“I found the object she was tethered to and burned it, you’re welcome.” He responded haughtily, not bothering to help you up.

“You could have gotten me killed, Sam!” You said again, every word burning your throat.

“Whatever,” He said before turning on his heel and walking out of the room.

You picked yourself up from the floor, still gasping for breath. It seemed that, no matter how many breaths you took, it wasn’t enough. Your lungs burned and you heart was beating wildly out of your chest, you somehow still felt as though you were suffocating. But, pushing past it and the dizzying feeling in your head, you made your way downstairs. You had to know if the family was okay.

Walking into the living room you were greeted with a rush of hugs and thankyou’s. The women from before were okay and it appeared as though their boy was too, good. You tried to explain everything that had happened to them, but knew you didn’t do it well enough for them to understand. They were still scared and shaking, you didn’t blame them.

You looked around the room and saw that Sam was nowhere to be found. So, with a final your welcome, you said goodbye to the family and headed out the front door.

Looking back at the house, you found it spookier than ever. The sun was just coming up and it’s light made the structure seem like it was glowing. All of the chipped paint and broken windows were emphasized, as if they were screaming for attention, by the sun’s rays. You knew this house was going to haunt your dreams. Its crumbly exterior yet picture perfect interior. You didn’t know why it scared you so much, but you shivered just thinking about it.  

“Hurry up, I’m hungry.” Sam’s annoyed sounding voice broke you from your thoughts.

He was sitting in the drivers seat of the Impala, one arm lazily draped out the side window and the other impatiently waving at you to hurry up. You didn’t understand how he could be so nonchalant, soul or not. Throughout all your years of hunting, no matter how many times you’d almost died, you felt the same way after. You were jittery, pumped with adrenaline as if every move you made was important, vital. But you also were scared, having just faced your own mortality. It wasn’t a haunted house kind of scared, it was like speaking in front of a crowd. Even after you’d finished, you still felt like every move you made was being judged. Like every step and every breath mattered, you just wanted to go home.

But Sam had other ideas as he asked, “You think there are diners open at 4 AM?”

You just sighed and looked out the window, not wanting to be near him let alone talk to him. As he drove away from the neighborhood you, again, found yourself staring at the houses. All of the families within were probably sound asleep, completely unaware as to what had just happened. There were probably couples in those houses that were just like you and Sam had been. Bright eyed and in love, not knowing that one day it would all come crashing down. You had once heard that ignorance was bliss, and hadn’t understood the phrase until that moment.

[drsilverfish]

Time and POV in Stuck in the Middle With You 12x12...

“So... tell me a story...” says Mr. Ketch, sitting across from Mary, just after the burning MOL symbol of the season announces...

The narrative is thus framed as told in flashback by Mary to Mr. Ketch.

The first POV we get is therefore Mary’s...

Time card... accompanied by the ticking of a stop watch (which we hear at intervals throughout the episode).

Mary witnesses Dean performing “super-hetero Dean” for Wally, or attempting to, in a diner - doesn’t go so well, with the, “My shy but devastatingly handsome friend,” huh Dean? Although, of course we can all agree Cas IS devastatingly handsome...

Mary is not impressed... (not with her sons bickering either - oh Mary - you ain’t seen nothing yet...)

under the cut as this got super long...

They are planning a hunting mission - Mary is taking the lead - she’s their new commander... they’re going after a demon that likes to fish. Cas is not impressed. He will be even less impressed later.

“Everything is going to be fine...” Mary promises them, after Wally has said he’s so nervous he can hardly eat. Then flash forward (still in Mary’s narrative) to everything not being fine - to mayhem and murder...

Cas is severely injured and 

Wally is killed as, ironically “Walk With a Winner” plays (following a Tarantino-esque use of music throughout, where incongruity of song comments ironically on the action). 

Then we get another title card...

The we get this card...

Now we’re in Cas’ POV as he sits in his car listening to gospel radio preaching “There is not one of  us alive on this earth that will not pay the consequences of our actions...” 

This is a flash back in time again from the mayhem segment we have seen from Mary’s POV and indeed a flash backwards prior to any time we have seen to date, as this is before the crew enter the diner...     

Cas reaches for the radio dial and we get this card...

We get the Tarantino-esque walk into the diner...

This time, the same diner scene repeats, but from Cas’ POV and what’s really funny is that Cas just cuts all the squabbling and flirting banter out - Dean trying to hook him up with the waitress to cover his own crush etc. (calling him “devastatingly handsome”) - all cut. Sam asks, “”What’s the wifi password?”as he did before, the waitress answers “Extra cheese” as she did before, but from Cas’ POV they just move straight on to discussing strategy and tactics.

I love this little insight into Cas - that he just sometimes tunes parts of what his adopted human family is saying out - in order to focus on what he considers the important parts..

“What do I do?” Wally asks (again in some dialogue we did not hear in Mary’s first POV version of this diner scene.

“Don’t die.” snarks Dean. OH THANKS DEAN - we’ve already seen Wally die in Mary’s POV segment earlier. Ouch. The past (where we currently are) is commenting on the future, which is also hindsight for us!

This is probably how Cas experiences time, all the time....in a not strictly linear fashion - full-power angels can time travel, after all.

Mary says “Don’t worry, everything is going to be fine,” all over again (but we don;t hear the line from Wally about not being able to eat he’s so nervous which we got from Mary’s POV of this scene) and then again we flash forward, but from Cas’ POV, not Mary’s this time, to mayhem and murder... 

Here is the establishing shot that tells us we are still in Cas’ POV

He’s a bit suspicious of Mary (she’s clearly nipped out to talk to the BMOL on her phone) but he accepts her nervous urination explanation. 

Everyone is in place inside the dude’s house to take down night-fishing demon, and here he comes...

Demon killing bullets and demon killing knife are no good, He’s a match for Cas as well...

We see Wally killed all over again, as Sam once more shouts “No!”

But this time (Cas POV) we see how Cas gets the bloody wound we’ve already seen from Mary’s POV...

Now, we’re not absolutely strictly in Cas’ POV because when Mary rescues him and takes him to the barn down the road and calls Sam, we see a shot of Sam as he talks to her on the phone, so this is not veritas POV, but it is narrative POV...

“Are you OK?” Sam asks. “No,” Mary replies, with blood on her hands (literally and figuratively, as this is indeed all her fault thanks to her secret collaboration with the BMOL)

Then we get a time-counter card which reads (we hear ticking again too):

Sam and Dean arrive at the barn and Mary tells Sam that the demon had yellow eyes - they are both horrified (Dean has already gone to injured Cas’ side). “Mom, what the hell did you get us into?” Sam asks, This is their worst nightmare. 

and then we lieave Cas’ POV (he looks as if he’s shifting in and out of consciousness anyway) and we are back in Mary’s POV as indicated by this title card:

We flash back to our earliest point in the time line, immediately signalled by a follow-up card

Mary and Wally have Ramiel’s place under surveillance and she’s explaining to him why she needs the request for help from her sons to come from him. so they don’t suspect the BMOL are involved (Mary - they tortured your son - how could you?!). 

Poor Wally tries to raise some objections, but no dice... he’s in...

Worse - Mary is looking through the file on Ramiel given to her by the BMOL. Clearly they didn’t tell her everything, as she was shocked by the yellow eyes later. (as we’ve seen earlier!). BUT we do see an image of Michael with the spear in the file, which means she took Cas and her sons into a situation where there was a powerful angel and demon killing weapon held by the target without telling them... Dean is going to be FURIOUS when he finds out...

JUMP CUT! We are back in the diner (which follows in time sequence forward from Mary and Wally - they are heading to that diner to meet Mary’s sons and Cas right after their stake out).

We are back in the diner again this time, from Mary’s POV again. We hear snippets of repeated dialogue. Dean is heard saying, again, “Hey, Mandy, when do you get off?” 

This is our third return to the diner!!! This time we do not hear Dean’s line about Cas being “devastatingly handsome” but we do see Mary looking like  - Ugh my son - YOU are the one with extra cheese, all the way...

Wally is asking Sam and Dean what they think about “those fancy British Men of Letters”.

Dean says, “Yeah,” clearly rejecting the idea they should be involved, “they tried to kill my brother.,” RIGHT DEAN - why has your Mom FORGOTTEN THIS?!

Mary says her fatal line for a third time - “Everything’s going to be fine...”

At this point, we really, really know everything is NOT going to be fine...

Time card!

This is 40 mins earlier than the last time-card we got, when Cas was already stabbed and laid out in the barn during the confrontation with Ramiel from his POV... 

We arrive at the earliest point we have yet seen in the confrontation with Ramiel (in Mary’s POV) when our team are scoping out his house and getting set to take him down before he comes back from fishing...

This is still, broadly, Mary’s POV. In keeping with that, we see her sneak out and go down into Ramiel’s basement where she sees the Michael spear painting which the BMOL have alerted her will be there. She moves it, opens the safe with a fancy BMOL safe-cracking device and removes a box which glows when she opens it...

 We see the encounter between her and Cas which we saw earlier, from Cas’ POV again. Cas squints, “Mary, where were you?” Mary replies, “”I get nervous sometimes...” This is the “urination” conversation again, only now we know where Mary was - she was in the basement stealing something from Ramiel.

We see the sequence of Ramiel coming back, being immune to the demon-killing bullets and knife, thwacking the brothers and stabbing Cas with the spear in extreme flash forward sequence again (we saw all this before from Cas’ POV). Then we get another title card (more ticking)...

We are back in the barn with stabbed Castiel, two minutes before our previous visit to that point in time (which was from Cas’ POV) and Mary is texting the BMOL.

Mary why do you have them down as “Hobbits” in your phone? They are not kindly foodie gardeners with hairy feet?! They are more like pre-Nazgul...

Close-up on the red hands of guilt!

Sam and Dean arrive and Mary and Sam’s conversation about yellow eyes repeats. Dean and Cas talk, and Cas tells Dean he thinks he’s dying. We are now at the most forward place in the narrative we have reached (bearing in mind this is all in the past - being told to Mr. Ketch by Mary in a diner).

In the bam - Crowley arrives unexpectedly and announces - “You idiots, you’re all going to die!” 

Shocked Winchester faces!.

The same Crowley lines repeat again (time is still looping - I wonder if we are getting a snippet of Cas’ POV here - that was an interesting mini-loop about dying).  

 “You idiots, you’re all going to die!”

Crowley explains who Ramiel is. Mary has a flashback to Azaezel and herself in a white nightdress on the night she died (we are still mainly in her POV). 

Crowley explains that the Princes of Hell were not dead, as Cas and everyone supernatural had thought.. 

We get a new title card...

Crowley is paying a visit to Ramiel (same house, same interest in fishing)

We get another title card to tell us we are now entering Crowley’s POV:

Crowley is bringing the spear of Michael and the Colt to Ramiel as gifts. 

Ramiel loves the spear and tells us that,“It kills the bad ones fast and the good ones slow and painful” (yes, we already know Cas is one of the GOOD ONES!). There’s a bit of an implication Lucifer is too there - given that Michael principally wanted to kill Lucifer with the thing and make him suffer...

“With Lilith and Azaezel dead and Lucifer back in his box...” so, this is post Swan Song in the Winchesters’ time-line,

“If you want the crown, it’s yours...” - what Crowley was hoping to hear from Ramiel all along, of course. He’d done his homework. Asmodeus has his hobbies, Dagon has her toys...

We jump into the “present” again, back in the barn (except the entire episode, reminder, is in the past, being told to Mr. Ketch by Mary, remember). Dean is kicking off at Crowley because Cas is dying 

“We don’t have time for your... We don’t have time for you...You either help us or get the hell out of here!”

Crowley zaps out. We are now at the most forward point in the narrative we have yet reached...

Time card (and ticking)...

The Winchesters prepare for Ramiel’s arrival in the barn - using what they’ve got, which looks like holy oil and magical knuckle dusters. 

As Crowley isn’t there, the scene is not technically from Crowley’s POV, but as we’ve said, the crew haven’t gone for veritas POV (the external eye of the camera is still ever-present).

But, here we are with Crowley outside the barn chatting to Ramiel. His POV.

Ramiel is not impressed. “Three humans with one good liver between them and a busted up angel...?”

Interesting - who has the good liver? Mary, or Sam? We know it’s not Dean, I’m afraid... 

No deal. Crowley gets tossed into the barn by a powerful Prince of Hell. Here comes the Tarantino-esque whistling music and the arrival of Ramiel. himself - THE ANTAGONIST 

Title card....

We loop back in time to a few minutes ago. Dean is saying, again, to Crowley,

“We don’t have time for your... for you...”

Crowley looks hurt/ resigned all over again...

Dean says “Yeah, figures...” again, and Crowley zaps out, again...

Why repeat this little sequence under the heading “A Real Barn Burner” - well, this is a real burn for Crowley. He knows that in the Crowley-Dean-Castiel love triangle, the only chance he had was when Dean was Demon!Dean, but still, it’s painful to be in unrequited love with Dean Winchester and to have it thrown in your face how little you matter to your ex compared to their angel soul-mate...

The “barn burner” is all about the subtext...

Time card...

Now we get more of what’s happening in the barn whilst Crowley is outside trying to bargain with Ramiel. So, this is not from Crowley’s POV - 

Cas gives his “I love you... I love all of you...” (love and... love) speech <sob>

We get a tonne more Dean reaction shots than we do Sam or Mary reaction shots - this whole heart-wrenching scenario is particularly between them, the camera tells us...

Goddam it - SAD STRING MUSIC  and Cas cries when Dean says, “Like you said, you’re family, and we don’t leave family behind.”

Now we see the Winchesters’ preparation (which we’ve seen before) in rapid speed up - Sam once again pouring holy oil on the floor of the barn. Dean with some Men of Letters magical knuckle dusters. The moment when Ramiel throws Crowley through the barn wall repeats, again...

Now we’re onto something new - once again the furthest point in time we’ve reached in the narrative.

Ramiel is basically pretty decent for a demon - he “went fishing”, i.e. off the grid, leading a quiet human-esque life, like Cain during his retirement years, and we know (although Sam, Dean and Cas don’t) that he’s right - the Winchesters did barge in and steal something from him - they are getting what was coming to them.

Interesting isn’t it - that they’ve trapped him with holy oil? That shit works on angels. Ramiel as a fallen angel (as he is depicted in the Book of Enoch - one of the Watcher angels, who fell for human women, leading to the creation of Nephilim) is given further credence...

Now, the ticking we’ve heard throughout the episode gets visual expression, as Ramiel gives the Winchesters 30 secs to return his stolen property...

And STILL Mary doesn’t speak (girl you are making some VERY BAD CHOICES here..)

Ramiel breaks the holy oil circle with the lance of Michael and kicks the crap out of the Winchesters - but Sammy manages to spear him with his own weapon and pooof - goodbye Prince of Hell. Sam Winchester, you are scarily good sometimes.

Cas is foaming black goo from the mouth - he’s dying. Dean’s heart is breaking.

Freaking Crowley dusts himself off, and, son of a witch that he is, figures out that the Michael lance is a magical object and therefore - break the runes, break the magic... 

He snaps it and saves Dean’s heart, Castiel’s life, and the day...

The Winchesters are gob-smacked (c’mon Dean, haven’t you worked it out yet - the King of Hell is in love with you). 

Crowley sass-master - “You’re welcome!”, dramatic spear drop - POOF!

Bit of hand-holding goes down...

Resolution to the narrative horn music plays, Tarantino style. 

Cas asks what Ramiel meant about stealing. Mary looks guilty, but gets cut off by Dean who says “Let’s go home,” to Cas. Awwwww. Dean picks up the broken Michael spear, and they leave the barn. 

Shot of Mary looking guilty as hell...

Here’s the other end to our Mr. Ketch bookend opener (”Tell me a story...”). 

We’re back to where we started - our furthest point in the time stream - Ketch and Mary over coffee in a diner and she is narrating the whole thing to him retrospectively...

“Well, that’s quite a story...” he says. 

Mary is pissed and threatens Ketch, “If anything like that happens again, I will burn you down, all of you...” Erm, Mary, hasn’t this taught you to run a mile in the other direction to the BMOL, RIGHT NOW??!

Ketch likes her spunk however  - sexual tension eye-challenge across the table.. (Ketch is a John mirror here)....

The item Mary stole from Ramiel for Mr. Ketch is revealed as..... the Colt. 

GASP...

Cut to Crowley on the phone to a minion, “Search that house, search it again! Find me that gun!”

Of course, Crowley knew Ramiel had the Colt as he’d given it to him.

 And now - oh no - he probably thinks Sam and Dean stole it and hid that little fact from him (more heartbreak for Crowley as he really came through for the Winchesters  saving Cas here).

Uh-oh - Lucifer is there in his cage, back in Hell, to whisper poison about betrayal into Crowley’s ear...

“I still can’t believe you’re working for the Dukes of Half Hazard...Do you really think they care about you?”

Luci - Crowley has Flickr albums to prove it!

“It’s only a matter of time before they come for you...”

Mark Pellegrino’s instantly chilling, layered Lucifer is back... YAY!

Does Crowley’s “Shut your mouth, dog!” already sound a bit uncertain? 

I smell an Iago and Othello scenario (Yes, that means Dean is Desdemona)..

END CREDITS....

CONCLUSION

I love narratives which play with time and are non-linear. Obviously, this is done here as a tribute to Reservoir Dogs.

But what does it tells us, within the SPN universe?

I like to think there is something about the way supernatural beings like Crowley and Cas experience time differently from humans (not least because their life-spans are so much longer) in the mix.

There are some odd little time-loops as well as the larger ones. These draw attention to character moments - like Crowley getting his heart stomped on by Dean (again) in the barn, like Cas sensing that something is a bit off with Mary - she’s lying to him.

Repeat sequences highlight the subtext too - this episode runs with the Castiel-Dean-Crowley love triangle of Heaven and Hell big time, in keeping with the homoerotic subtext of Reservoir Dogs itself .  We visit the diner three times - once from Mary’s POV, once from Cas’ and once from Mary’s POV again. Mary is watching “Performing Dean” and is by turns rather appalled and rather amused by it. She sees through (at least some of) it. Cas just cuts all Dean’s “teachable moment” hey Cas flirt with this waitress crap out - he tunes his human friends out sometimes - bless. But that means Cas also misses Dean’s other tells, like his “devastatingly handsome” description of the angel himself. Aka - Cas does not have a clue that Dean has sexual feelings for him.

On a larger scale, this episode is told from three POV’s - Mary’s mostly, with some Cas and some of Crowley’s POV.

That is for a very good reason. Mary, Cas and Crowley are all “family” to the brothers Winchester. Yes, Crowley is a frenemy, but he and Dean shared a “summer of love” and a “bromance” (which involved sex with triplets) and in this episode Crowley does something very selfless for them - he saves Castiel’s life even though it costs him a weapon which could have killed Lucifer.

This means Sam and Dean are going to be put in the middle of a huge conflict coming up - with Mary on one side with the BMOL, who want a world where “No one has to die because of the supernatural” (suggesting a supernatural genocide may be planned) and with Cas and Crowley, as supernatural beings whom the Winchesters care about, on the other.

TICK TOCK...