#he tried to kill himself cause cas was dead

[reyolfx]

sometimes i'll just think of some of the shit that went down between cas and dean and then i'll remember that there's a whole faction of fans out there that INSIST those mfs are just buddies and my brain implodes

[saturnneedsspace]

My whole world was flipped upside down the other day when I found out there was a lot of Sam haters in the spn fandom. I simply do not understand.

Yeah, sure, Sam did some messed up things. But so did every other character in the show.

He got addicted to demon blood because of Ruby and this alien feeling that was cast upon him because of John. His own father thought he was a monster, so you gotta know that's gonna do something to your self esteem and cause you to go out of your way to be accepted.

He traps himself in Hell with Lucifer to save his brother and the rest of the world, knowing how much trauma that will cause him. And when he got out, he didn't have a soul, which all the fault lies with Cas on that one. And when he got his soul back, he wasn't the same. The sheer trauma he had from being roomies with Lucifer was more than enough to drive any normal person insane, and he still endured silently for a long time, before he went so crazy he was forced to be put in a mental hospital. He physically could not sleep because Lucifer was taunting him so much. And the only way he ever got better was because Cas took all that trauma into himself.

Yeah, maybe Sam didn't look for Dean when he was in Purgatory, and instead spent his time with a woman instead, but he had no clue where Dean was. The last time he saw his brother, he stabbed Dick, and then him and Cas disappeared into thin air. There was no clues whatsoever to where he was. And all Dean ever wanted was for Sam to have a normal life, so after he presumes Dean dead, he does what he thinks his brother would have wanted for him.

He's angry at Dean for Gadreel, and rightfully so. His brother took away his choice in the matter by tricking him into saying yes. He was ready to die. He told Death to make sure he can't be resurrected. He wanted to die. And yes, obviously as a brother, you don't want your younger siblings to die. That's a given. But he took away Sam's choice in that and forced him to be possessed, which is where most of his trauma comes from. He was possessed by several, terrible people at one point, and it was literal torture for him. He watched helplessly as his own hands murdered and hurt many people, some of them being his own friends and family. And then it just gets worse when Gadreel forces him to kill Kevin later on.

Sam searches the ends of the Earth for Demon!Dean and even when he's told several times to stop going after him, he doesn't listen. He knows he was mistaken when he didn't look for Dean in Purgatory, so he fights to make up for it by searching for him now. Dean tries to kill him, tells him to go away, leave him be, and Sam doesn't. He does everything he can to cure him. And he does with the help of Cas. He never gave up, even long after Dean already did.

And Sam releasing Amara wasn't all his fault. Charlie, Cas, and (reluctanlty) Rowena agreed to help, too. They're all just as guilty as him. And as much as I hate saying that about Charlie, considering it got her killed, it's true. They all helped remove the mark. They all released Amara. It wasn't their intention, but they all wanted to save Dean from himself and from hurting others. They all knew how much it hurt him to not have control over his anger. They were all just trying to help and were prepared to face the consequences of that, no matter what they were, because it was for Dean and they all loved him. (This is excluding Rowena at this point obvi)

Sam is the only one who cares for Jack after he's born. Yes, Cas would've defended that kid with his life if he were still alive, but he wasn't. Only Sam and Dean were. And the first thing Dean does when he sees Jack is shoots him. Sam talks to him. Sam understands him. Sam was him. He relates to the kid in a way no one else probably could, and so he fights his brother about it. He fights to protect the misunderstood kid who's defined by the blood that runs through his veins, though he desperately tries to prove it's not who he is. People only say Dean and Cas were Jack's fathers. But Sam was Jack's first father, the first person to see him for who he truly was.

And then he shot God, getting himself injured in the process and ultimately helping them take Him down. He was a vital character through the series and sacrificed so much. He didn't deserve all that happened to him, and frankly, it makes me mad when people hate on him.

[scoobydoodean]

I think people tend to view Dean as more unhinged about Sam because Sam seems to be the one shown consistently "fine" living without Dean. Like S8 Sam and series finale Sam. Like not trying to get Dean back. Whereas in S6 Dean said he tried to get Sam out of the Cage but kept hitting dead ends. But he didn't just let Sam go like he said he would. Sam seems to be less hesitant to just let Sam go and more able to live on without Dean. Idk what are your thoughts on this?

Context

The thing is is that I don't feel the need to respond to the notion that being willing to sacrifice yourself for your brother is more unhinged than killing people to keep him alive or get him back or get revenge on his behalf. Because I don't think that's true at all. All that difference reflects is Sam's willingness to go to morally questionable lengths beyond where Dean will go. Dean's moral compass will cause him to hit a point where his only option is self-sacrifice long before Sam ever hits that wall.

That said... some of what you've said is extremely misleading.

Between season 3 and 4, Sam ignored Bobby's calls and spent months in a bottle stumbling drunk, drinking hard liquor straight from a bottle. He captured a crossroad's demon and tried to trade his life for Dean's (Gifset), and tried to open The Devil's gate (Gifset). He at one point planned to charge into battle against Lilith knowing he would lose and die—it's an intentional suicide mission (4.09). He also readily rejects Dean's dying wishes by working with Ruby for revenge against Lilith (Gifset).

Contrast this with season 6: Dean researched how to get Sam out of The Cage���in books--on the side while living with Lisa and Ben, without risking his own life or anyone else's, and without trying to make any demon deals or do anything else reckless, and while managing PTSD.

Which of these people actually sounds more "fine"? Because there's an objectively correct answer here and it's not Sam.

Season 8 Sam is an exception—not the rule. What we're looking at is not character growth (we need no more proof of that than season 10 and The Book of the Damned). The Reason Sam Is Like That™️ is because he's experiencing a break from reality.

As for 15.20 Sam, we have no idea if Sam tried to find a way to bring Dean back. SPNWin might actually suggest Sam has been trying to get Dean back the entire time Dean's been dead (depending on whether you think "Clarence" is an obvious Cas reference, whether the brother relationship makes it clear he's Sam, or whether he's both). Regardless, at that point we are dealing with a Sam who has maxxed out his knowledge about the pitfalls encountered when you try to bring back your family (this includes Jack). This makes him generally less reckless because he vividly understands the consequences. We see the same thing with Dean as early as season 6, and again in 13.21, when he thinks Sam has been torn apart and is convinced to leave Sam behind and prioritize the safety of the people around him instead.

Additionally, a lot of the less versus more reckless plays the brothers make with their own lives have to do with how badly they might be struggling with suicidal ideation at one point or another. This is a massive motivator for Dean's deal in 2.22 for example. His actions aren't just about Sam—they're also about his belief that he "came back wrong" and shouldn't be alive, and that dying will set the universe right. Literally the entire season he is struggling with the intense guilt and a sense of wrongness over being alive.

So yeah. One time, Sam abandoned Dean to die. At other times, he came up with plans that involved sacrificing himself, or other people, or dedicated himself to revenge to the exclusion of all else.

[noxemma]

Chapter 5 (finally) for my Hot Summer Art challenge fic

Time to wrap up the case so they can get on with the vacation!

Tags, Rating, Word Count, AO3 link, etc. at the bottom

Beside Your Side

Fic Summary: Dean convinces Sam to look into a potential case where people are going missing from a New Jersey beach town. Of course, they have to bring Cas and Eileen along, just in case it's not a monster. Dean is excited to get the case over quickly and enjoy a well-earned vacation with the people he loves the most. Nothing ever seems to go the way Dean plans it though, and this case is no exception.

Chapter 5: Monsters in Unexpected Places

Dean

“No, no, no!” Dean hisses, shifting himself off Cas’ chest so he can reach the floor where he’s pretty sure he tossed his phone before falling into bed.

Dammit! Where did I put it? Dean flails his hand wildly, desperate to silence the incessant buzzing that’s threatening to ruin his perfect evening. His fingers finally close around his phone, his very dead phone. Shit, it must be coming from Cas’!

Dean shimmies back toward the middle of the bed, props himself up on his hand, and is just reaching across the sleeping angel’s body to silence the phone that's responsibly plugged in on the nightstand when blue eyes flash open and fixate on him. Dean freezes, face no more than a few inches away.

“Dean,” Cas’ murmurs happily, voice barely more than a rumble as his hand automatically finds the small of Dean’s back. The combination of the husky word, shining blue eyes, and the warm hand pressing into him send shockwaves through Dean’s body and blood racing toward his dick.

Dean is too shocked to even attempt to hide his arousal. Not that he could even if he tried since Cas tightens his grip on Dean’s back, closing the slight distance that had remained between their lower halves. Dean feels his erection press into Cas hip and barely manages to stifle a moan, his nerve endings sparking with long awaited pleasure. He opens his mouth to explain or apologize or beg but he's too transfixed by the way Cas’ lip part ever so slightly and his eyes go wide. He forgets about the ringing phone, the case, everything. His whole world condenses to searching blue eyes and the intense urge to lower his head and finally find out what Cas’ lips taste like.

“Cas?” The plea is more breath than sound and Dean darts his eyes up to meet Cas’. Cas doesn’t reply, just tilts his head slightly, his breath nearly as ragged as Dean’s, his eyes zeroed in on the way Dean licks his lips before trying again. “I- Can we-? Would you mind if I-?”

“Dean!”

The door to their room bursts open as Sam charges in. Dean tumbles backward toward “his” side of the bed and tries to pretend he wasn’t just about to kiss his best friend. The act would be easier to maintain if Cas’ hand hadn’t gotten trapped underneath him in his not-so-strategic retreat. It's his own fault that strong fingers are now cupped firmly against his ass cheek.

“You’ll never believe what we just found …”

Sam starts talking but Dean can’t focus on what he’s saying, too horrified by the obvious tent growing beneath the blankets. He quickly turns on his side, which is his second mistake. The movement causes Cas’ hand to slide across his ass and settle low on his hip, so close to his straining cock that Dean has a hard time remembering how to breathe. His heart beats arrhythmically and he stares at Sam without seeing him at all.

“It’s been the same with at least one of the other victims. Though this one was missing for over three weeks. And, just in case we weren’t sure that they were alive and trapped in sand, every time a missing person was found, their statue would vanish. So, whatever’s doing this, they’re not trying to kill. We should head down to the police station and try to talk with him. Maybe he’ll be able to tell us what it is that we’re up against,” Sam finishes excitedly, oblivious to the tension and electricity zinging between the men on the bed.

Sam looks at Dean expectantly, but Dean has not processed a single word his little brother has uttered. His mouth opens to say something, anything, as Sam’s gaze narrows and he starts looking a little more closely at Dean’s flushed face.

Thankfully, Cas’ phone begins buzzing again, saving them all from the embarrassment Sam’s scrutiny would surely bring.

“I should, um, I should get this,” Cas says, carefully pulling his arm free from beneath Dean to grab his phone and slide out of the bed and around Sam.

The emptiness feels wrong, and Dean has to tamp down the desperate need to grab Cas and pull him back down. However illogical it may be, his brain is screaming to wrap the angel in his arms and never get up from the bed again.

We weren’t fighting. Nothing was trying to kill us. We finally had peace together. Dean manages to bite back the petulant whine he wants to let out, barely. He wants to shout and curse, anything to verbalize his frustration at being so close to getting the thing he’s longed for, only for it to be pulled away.  Again.

“Dean, are you sick?” Sam accuses leaning toward him, forcing Dean’s eyes away from Cas’ retreating form.

“Wha- What?” Dean squeaks, bunching more of the blankets around his groin, though, with the way he’s currently arranged, there’s no way Sam should be able to tell how inappropriately hard he is.

“Dude, your face is red, like you’ve got a fever. All that time in the cold and the rain, maybe you caught something. Do you feel okay?”

“Uh…”

No. I do not feel okay! We almost kissed. I almost kissed Cas! And he … didn’t look like he was going to stop me. He looked like, maybe, he wanted to kiss me too? Dean’s not sure if he’s breathing or not as his brain finally catches up on reviewing his moment with Cas.

“… don’t look good, Dean. I really think we should take you to the hospital.” Dean hears, finally tuning back in to Sam’s rambling.

“Hospital? No, I’m fine. Probably just hot from being bundled up for, what time is it? Six? Like ten hours?” Dean dismisses Sam’s concerns. “Now what were you saying earlier when you burst in rudely?”

“Sorry,” Sam ducks his head as he apologizes, but Dean knows he doesn’t mean it. “Eileen and I just found out that one of the missing tourists was found this afternoon. Alive. He’s at the police station now giving his statement.”

“Okay, so you want to head down and talk to him before the police convince him he’s crazy or hallucinating or he decides to leave, right?”

“Exactly, so-”

“Dean. That was Natalie. Bradley just showed up on her doorstep,” Cas informs them, stepping back into the room.

Dean sucks in a breath, trying to calm down his runaway pulse. Cas’ hair is mussed, sticking up in every direction, his scruff is a touch longer than yesterday, his shirt is half tucked into his pants. He looks like he slept deeply.

Or like he was just fucked, Dean’s brain supplies unhelpfully.

His mind gets flooded with visions of Cas tangled up in sheets, face flushed, Dean’s hands gripping his hair and forcing the angel to meet his eyes so he can see how they glow with when Cas comes.

Whoa, glow with grace? Where did that fantasy come from?

Like what you read? You can find the whole fic here on AO3

Rating: Explicit

Chapters: 5/? (hopefully 9 😂)

Chapter Word Count: ~6,250

Tags: Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, Case Fic, Established Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, Beach Case, Cannon when convenient, Mutual Pining, Idiots in Love, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con (Dean and background characters), Non-Consensual Touching (Not between Dean and Cas), Hurt/Comfort, I promise it's not as dark as it sounds, Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, clueless Sam Winchester, Chick-Flick Moments, Cannon typical misunderstandings, Angst?, One day I'll learn how to tag, WIP, JackieDeeArt's Hot Summer Art 2024 (Supernatural), Hot Summer Art, Greek Mythology if you Squint, No Beta, Everyone is bad with words, Except Eileen who is the only emotionally stable person for miles, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Angel Grace Dysfunction, Poor Coping Mechanisms, There was only one bed

[eightbitpale]

hi !! i’d love to hear about S7 rewrite boo tomato tomato 👀

Thanks for the ask!! That one’s actually a destiel fic, because I’m never truly going to escape my 16 year old self. Sorry if that’s not quite what you were imagining 😅

Hence the name, it’s a rewrite of season 7 of spn. S7 tends to get (rightfully) dunked on pretty often, but it’s always been one of my favourites despite its flaws. It has potential!

This WIP is plan for a massive episodic fic (think 100k+) that tries to fix some of the bigger structural issues with the season (eg. Cas’s deeply uncomfortable “crazy” arc, Meg’s narrative underutilisation, the shoddy resolution of Sam’s hell trauma etc, fucking EMMA)

Anyway, here’s an excerpt from some of the scenes I’ve drafted. Tw for mentions of “i dont deserve to be alive” type thinking.

Something in Dean’s chest was burning like a road flare. He tried to keep his voice from shaking when he spoke.  “Y’know man, when I first found out you were still alive I was so fucking mad. Because I mourned you.” Cas’ gaze snapped up to his. “I let myself mourn you because you were dead, and you were never coming back to apologise or make it better or tell me how you wished you’d listened. ‘Cause when people are dead — and you’re people, man, just fucking accept it — it's always easier to forgive them.  “But then hallelujah you’re alive, and all that anger I didn’t feel 'cause it didn’t have a point to it? I felt it all. And I thought it'd rip me open." Cas' breath hitched, and Dean’s chest tightened at the sound like it was the cocking of a pistol. "You always seem to do that, Cas. You're always ripping me open.” "I'm sorry. It's never my intention." "That doesn't make it better." "I know that." "Ok, but do you know? Do you get why I was so damn mad?" Cas shook his head slightly, understanding, at least, that this was rhetorical. "I kept thinking: that bastard got off easy. Everything you did, and you were living it up as some kind of a god-powered guru, with a sweet lady keeping’ you happy on the side." "Daphne and I didn’t have that kind of relationship, Dean. It was predominantly about health insurance." "I don't give a shit, Cas! I was mad because I'd already forgiven you, and you hadn't done anything to earn it! So I'm not gonna just take you out like you’re another monster, I'm actually gonna do something way worse. I'm gonna make you earn it.” Cas’s face clouded and he opened his mouth to object, but Dean silencing him with an angry wave of the hand. “Just listen to me! You wanna tell me what you've done, how you've killed people? I'm well aware! And I'm so fucked up that while you were dead, I didn’t actually care. But you’re not dead now, and I swear to God you are gonna make amends if it’s the last thing you do. You don’t just get to peace out again." Dean stepped into the angel’s space, pushing a finger into his chest. "So face the goddamn music." Cas’ eyes remained glued to his feet, and he pushed harder. "Face me, asshole!"  Cas finally relented, and Dean held him there, a thrumming current of something like fury—like grief—like grace—crackled through his body, down his arm and into the angel’s chest until Dean thought the two of them were liable to start smoking like an overloaded transistor. The night breeze picked up, rustling down the hillside where they stood, two silhouettes cut against the sky. Still, they stared at each other, locked in place.  Through that one warm point of connection, hand over heart, Dean willed Cas to understand what he didn’t deserve to hear: I missed you when you were lost, you bastard. Win me back, so you can finally come home.  And even though it had been years since Cas was rude enough to peer into his head without permission, Dean could swear that he heard that thought aloud. Cas slumped down on himself like a string had been severed, the brittle cut of his face smoothing into something softer as he nodded. It was almost dangerously soft, Dean noticed, and he became belatedly aware of the hand he still held to Cas' chest. Hurriedly, he stepped backwards and shoved his hands deep into his jacket pockets.  "Just try, ok? Sam's still on the ropes, freaking Dick Roman is still out there, and I need you on my team. You’ve made mistakes, but I'm not gonna fucking hunt you. Frankly, I don’t have the time." He laughed a little bitterly. "Besides. I don't really want to. So just come back to the motel with us, alright? Come on." He must have said something right, because Cas was looking at him strangely. "Alright,” he said. Dean heaved a sigh of relief, tension unwinding from his shoulders like the uncocking of a rifle. "Alright."

[kerryweaverlesbian]

i might regret sending this but i also think it's important to mention that the last thing jack heard/saw before he died was dean putting down the gun, saying no to the mary offer, and demand chuck stop killing jack. im not saying dean's off the hook but dean tried to Tackle God when he hurt jack so that might be something jack is thinking of when he sees them again

Haha I know this! I do appreciate that Dean DID back down and change his mind and Jack was there for it. However. The long term thing he did just before that was try to shove Jack into eternal solitary confinement and the thing he does after that is help Jack try to kill himself. So. Their relationship is rough regardless lmao. I don't think Jack is scared of Dean or anything but I do think it impacts his feelings of self-worth. Jack actually I think appreciates that Dean is willing to help him exercise his autonomy where Sam and Cas want to restrain him. It's just that his autonomous decision is repeatedly "I should kill myself, it's the right thing to do". Maybe not an impulse he should really be chasing.

(In fairness to Dean with the box and the gun, he was also planning to put himself in there before and like, there wasn't really another viable plan on the table - Jack is all powerful and unpredictable and, evidently, murderous. Jack literally killed Dean's mom for getting upset with him, and he didn't seem to regret killing Mary at the time, he only regretted that it meant he couldn't come home. He was actively killing random people from Duma's instruction. And! It's a dramatic show. You gotta show the arguments in the most dramatic way possible. Otherwise we get the season 11 finale again 💀).

Anyway - the post I believe you're referring to was really more intended to be about his relationship with Castiel. Jack knows what Dean thinks about him, because Dean's very honest with Jack for the most part (aside from when he's worried for him rather than about him). Jack doesn't know that Cas even considered fighting his corner. He didn't know his death (in part) spurred the divorce arc. He didn't even know that Cas was pretty sure he was soulless* and was trying to protect him even then. And Castiel (known purveyor of really horrible advice (affectionate)) tells him effectively "we should placate the humans around us because we don't have long with them :)". And Jack returns from the dead to see Castiel having presumably placated the humans around him and not caused a fuss around Jack's literal death, when that's not true! Cas was devastated! It's just sad. All in all, it's just sad.

*does always make me laugh that that's what the conflict is about, because Dean ALSO SUSPECTED JACK OF BEING SOULLESS AND NEVER MENTIONS IT TO ANYONE. gotta love a hypocrite (genuine)

[wilsonthemoose]

because im still thinking of that line in your edit of sam having the power to end the world: we deserved to see sams trauma from hell and his hallucinations of lucifer (and cas breaking his hell wall) causing his powers to start up again. but this time he has no control over them whatsoever. he should have slowly lost his mind from the trauma and had his powers reflect that by destroying the world :)

Aww man, Sam being a complete mess, making things break and fly. Every time he spirals, the room looks like a tornado went through it, every time he spirals, he's left with a headache barrelling through his brain and a bloody nose.

Dean tries so hard not to stiffen when Sam accidentally breaks a bottle halfway across the room, but he can't help it, it's just cruel reflex and when Sam catches it, he just sinks further into himself.

After he makes the Impala's mirrors shatter going 90 mph, they stop driving around, it's just not safe anymore.

They stay at Bobby's for a while but Sam can tell Bobby is still uncomfortable around him, and he feels so so awful about trying to kill him when he was soulless, they leave.

They find an abandoned cabin somewhere. It belonged to some dead hunter once upon a better time. Dean empties the place of all glass (Sam's ended up with his barefeet cut open from broken glass too many times for them not to have learnt the lesson by now), and Sam helps him make the place as comfortable as possible after the years and years of neglect. They replace the wood that's rotted (almost the entire cabin, that is), and in place of the glass from the windows, they put up swinging doors (Sam couldn't stand boarded windows, and Dean can't either).

When he's doing more or less well, they'll drive out to town and find greasy diner to eat at. When he's not, they sit on the stairs, look out at the wilderness around them, and eat canned soup.

Lately, he's just about never doing well. Hasn't slept in what feels like weeks. When he does doze off, he snaps awake and doesn't know himself or Dean at all.

He crushes the whole cabin they'd built with himself still inside it.

They salvage what they can.

Dean so often finds him repeatedly banging his head into the wall till his temple is a mess of blood and torn flesh, bones broken under it.

There's nothing to do, he's never going to be ok, never going to get any rest.

He runs away before he can hurt Dean.

It's just that...he doesn't know himself and doesn't know what he's doing and maybe for a moment when the walls are cracking, children crying, floor shaking, maybe for a moment then, the devil shuts his mouth and watches. When the world is burning, there is peace.

[what-if-i-just-did]

Destiel Prompt List 26. Cas punches John Winchester.

Trigger Warnings: homophobic father, bad parenting, homophobic language, mentions of a lot of dead friends/family, slight mentions of alchohol, daddy issues, mentions of suicide but in a not-depressed way, not sure how to put this one but there's like phobic talk about suicidees, derogatory mentions of sex, mentions of past toxic masculinity, mild violence in the form of a single punch, severe homophobia

Guardian Angel

Dean walked into the bar, overwhelmed by... everything.

It was Harvelle's, like before it burned down, and there were so many people there... Ash, Jo and Ellen for one, but also Kevin, Kevin's mom, Charlie, Mary, Bobby, Jody, Claire, Bela, Missouri, Jimmy... somehow he could even spot Benny and Meg. It was overwhelming; all these people he'd mourned, all these people he'd missed, all these people he'd blamed himself for... at least he had Sam and Cas next to him, as always. He missed Jack.

He smiled. He talked to people, he laughed, he cried a little. It was weird seeing who'd become friends with who without them there; Jody and Ellen were best friends, unsuprisingly. Charlie and Bela? A little more suprising. He greeted Benny like an old war friend, Bobby like a father, Jo like a girl he never got time with. All the while, Sam was next to him, greeting the same people, and Cas was next to him, silent unless provoked. Eventually, they made their way to the end of the bar, and Dean's breath halted. His dad was sitting there, staring at his whiskey.

"Hi." He says, unsure. Sam's still talking to Jody. Cas is still hovering. "Sit down.", says John, and Dean's not sure if it's an invitation or an order, so he does so silently. He knows he should talk; knows he can talk. He's not his dad's soldier anymore. He's been working on this.

.... but he's here and he's with Cas and his dad would kill him and he's so goddamn nervous because even after all the work of accepting himself now that his dad was dead, his dad is right here and if he dissaproves like Dean knows he will Dean will just die.

"So." John says eventually. "So." Dean agrees. "Go out with a fight?" His dad asks. "Nope. Our work was done down there, we've got things set up for the next generation of hunters. We just figured, why wait around? Everyone we missed are up here." His dad physically recoiles. "You killed yourself!? My son? BOTH my sons!? Suicide is for pussies, Dean, how many times have I told you!" Dean closes his eyes and grits his teeth. He's about to answer when Cas does it for him.

"Dean did not just 'kill himself'. They both thought about it for a long time, had plentifull discussions and okay'd it with everyone around. It was an important, unrushed decision that was well thought about, and everything was in order before we left. Do you believe I would have let Dean do such a thing if it wasn't a perfectly respecatable thing to do?" "Ah. So you're the guardian angel... you did a pretty piss-poor job, y'know-" "Dad. Don't talk to Cas like that." "Cas? Cas? His name, Dean, is Castiel. Oh, right you- you bang him or something? He bangs you? This- this destiel? It's all everyone talks about here, y'know, how my son is a fag for an angel. Is that true, Dean? You bend over for this guy?" Dean grits his teeth. "Yeah, Dad. I do. Cause I love him, and if you're too much of a homophobic prick to see that, then go screw yourself. Actually- leave. Just leave."

John crowds Dean. Dean tries not to feel small- it works. Kinda. "You pickin' him-" John hisses, venom in his voice, "- over me? Your father?" "You. Were. Never. My. Father. You were my drill sargeant. Bobby, was my father. Now fucking leave, before I punch you. Or, y'know, before I let Cas punch you. Since I don't have any issues with my boyfriend protecting me like I'm some princess, because I'm not insecure about that shit 'nymore. Now, LEAVE."

"YOU-" John's sentence, boiling with rage, was cut off when Cas actually punched him, which knocked him out. "Sorry. It seemed appropriate.", Cas says sheepishly. Dean stares a second.

"Gah I love you." he falls into Cas's arms. It takes a while for him to speak again. "Did I actually say all of that?" "Yes Dean." "I can't believe I said all of that. I actually called myself a princess." Cas chuckles at that. "Yes, I know." "Shit. Everyone is staring, aren't they." "Yes, I believe they are." "Okay. Um. I'm gonna stay here." "Alright Dean."

[musclesandhammering]

I’m so nervous about this op because you seem like a Dean fan (no shade at all!!) but.. *cracks knuckles*

Dean is honest to god the most insufferable asshole of a man on any tv show. In real life, he’d be the 40 year old douche sitting at the end of the bar hitting on 19 year old girls until they got uncomfortable and then he’d physically attack their boyfriends when they tell him to lay off, end up getting kicked out of the bar (while everyone cheers) and then harass everyone in town with the story of how the local bar has gone woke and discriminates against “real men”. I’m serious. If Dean’s got 1 hater, it’s me. If he’s got no haters, I’m dead.

He consistently is just mean and nasty and aggressive toward everyone in his life- especially people he cares about- even in relatively laid back moments. He has the attitude of someone who thinks everyone around him is just incompetent and he’s so sick of dealing with them (Sam and Cas in particular).

He despises any and all supernatural beings. Even the ones who haven’t done anything wrong. Like he’s just disgusted with anything that isn’t human. Like.. to the point that it really really feels irl white supremacy-coded. Anything inhuman should be exterminated.

He had a shitty childhood but he consciously chooses to make his Man Angst everyone else’s problem. He fully embraces the self pity and believes everyone in the world owes him because of how bad of a hand he was dealt.

He’s cold toward his friends- especially castiel. During the whole Jack dying situation and other situations, he purposefully said and did things that rubbed Jack’s death in his face knowing it would hurt him just cause he was feeling pissy. He goes out of his way to let cas know he doesn’t care about his feelings. He’s treated cas like an incompetent baby since they first met (baby in a trenchcoat) knowing full well it hurt his feelings. He blamed Sam for trying to live a normal life instead of looking for him when he was in purgatory even though he himself tried to live a normal life instead of getting Sam out of the cage like a year before.

He pervs on high school girls, he slut shames homicide victims, he objectifies every woman he meets, he loves racist porn, his go-to insults for any woman he doesn’t like is sexist shit (bitch, slut, whore, cunt), he’s the type of uber macho dudebro that no one likes, and iirc there’ve been times where he basically no-homo-ed other guys.

He treated jack- an actual child- like absolute shit the entire time they knew him (to the point where Jack tried to kill himself) and then had the audacity to turn around and say he was like a son to him after he was gone.

From a doylist perspective, he’s the writers’ favorite and they’ve written the whole universe to revolve around him, and from a watsonian perspective, he knows the universe revolves around him and fully believes he’s the most important person in the room at any given time.

I used to write long detailed metas with specific examples of all this but I haven’t watched the show in several years and don’t plan to because I don’t need the stress, so I apologise if all this is vague.

I hate him so fucking much. …Respectfully. (😂)

is there any people who hate dean or sam that can tell me why without comparing the two. like every anti-dean (or sam) post is like

“dEan hAs dOnE _____ And sAm WouLd nEvEr dO tHaT”

like let’s see some real hate!! tell me you hate dean or sam because they suck even out of relation to other each other!!!!

[mylarena]

hrngh. zombie apocalypse au.

ghost is the big ol' lone wolf whos doing perfectly fine in the apocalypse, of course, no he doesnt need anyone else. he has no group bc he doesnt need one.

soap is some guy who got separated from his group, 141, (price, gaz, laswell, etc.) and stumbled into ghost somehow, and for whatever reason ghost didnt kill him and instead told him to get lost, but soap decided fuck that and started following him instead. ghost does not like this and wants him to fuck off. soap insists that he has no where to go because he doesnt know where the hell he is or how to get back to his group- all he has is the name of the location they have their base at. so hes staying with ghost bc he seems trustworthy and like he would protect him. (hes a fucking moron. how the hell can he call some guy he just met 'trustworthy'? what makes him think ghost would protect him? he should know that even people that you trust with your life can hurt you.)

ghost shows him the route to the place via map. he lines it out. soap insists that hes shit with directions and will need a guide. ghost says he can find one elsewhere. soap says that no one else is anywhere around, plus ghost already knows the route, so why not he just lead him there? ghost says no. they go back and forth for a while, but eventually ghost gives up and agrees to bring him to his group- just to the location, and then hes getting the hell out of dodge. soap is very happy about this, much to ghosts disgruntlement.

this is when soap tells him that he didnt just get separated from his group, but that one of the people in the group had sold them out to another, larger group- who had captured him and put him all the way out in fuck-all-nowhere. he says he doesnt know what the state of his group is- if theyre alive, dead, imprisoned, or banished- but he wasnt just going to stay away when they could be okay.

he wasnt just going to knowingly lead ghost into potential danger without telling the man first. he wasnt that much of an asshole. he gives him an out, saying that hed understand if he changed his mind.

ghost, despite knowing that itd be fucking stupid to help him, agrees to escort him there. he justifies it in his head as having already made a commitment to the job and he isnt willing to back down from a challenge.

so they start some sort of post-apocalyptic roadtrip, fighting like hell through cities and towns and forests and at one point a literal cornfield, for whatever fucking reason.

throughout their journey, they talk. its mostly soap. (john, he insists, or soap. thats what his friends call him. ghost, in some sort of rebellion of being one of his friends, calls him johnny. it threw the man off guard at the start for whatever reason, so ghost kept it up in hopes of unsettling him and keeping him at arms length. it didnt work.)

ghost never gives him his name. never gives his story. never shows his face. never lets johnny past the walls hes built up over decades, no matter how hard the man tries. he keeps everything to himself, even his wounds- no bites. never any bites. hes not stupid enough to hide a bite from johnny, no matter how much he dislikes the man. the man trusts him for some reason, and hes not going to let himself turn and kill him if he can stop it.

johnny talks about his life. he talks about his family over in scotland; his maw, his brothers and sisters, his cousins, nieces, nephews... he tells him about his childhood pets, his time in high school, the jobs he had over the summer.

he tells him about his group. price, their de facto leader; laswell, the woman who has price by the ear and actually runs shit; gaz, a snarky little shit that loves to cause problems on purpose; and graves. johnny never talks about graves, and anytime he mentions his name his voice fills with bitter venom. ghost assumes that this graves fucker is the one who betrayed them.

ghost is curious, he wont lie, but its nothing personal about johnny. he just likes to know all he can about a situation, naturally. and the way the usually sunny disposition of the man darkens whenever he thinks about this graves man seems to be an important part of johnnys situation. thats all it is. he never asks. johnny will tell him if he wants to, anyway.

and he does, one night. theyre camping in the woods, no fire. ghost is taking the first watch, leaning against a tree with his rifle in his lap, while soap lies on his back, staring at the stars. its quiet, and johnnys own voice is barely more than a whisper as he starts to talk. he starts talking about graves- phillip graves- and his friendship with the man. how they got along, how they helped each other, how johnny trusted him.

then he talks about how he was the last time they had seen each other.

at first, it had seemed like a normal day. gaz was on watch, price was in his office, laswell was with her wife- and graves had pulled soap into a side room, saying he needed to talk to him about something. he had seemed tense, riddled with nerves and some kind of excitement. soap followed him without protest, figuring the man had gotten into some kind of mischief.

and he had. just... not in a fun, harmless way like soap expected.

he told soap about what hed done. he had given shepherd's group- a larger faction named the shadows that had been poking and prodding and pushing for ownership of their base and the surrounding territory- integral information on their schedules, defenses, and weaknesses. he had been approached while he was patrolling their territory and offered a position of power in the group if he gave them information. and he did.

soap listened, horrified, angry, and distraught- and then graves told him he could come with him.

he told him he had a place alongside him in the shadows, that he had already cleared it with shepherd as long as soap agreed to be loyal to them. he said that they could be great together. he offered as if he was already dead certain that soap would join him, that he would follow him in betraying the 141.

he offered as if he truly believed that soap was more loyal to him than to his entire family.

and so soap punched him, (hopefully he broke his nose,) and immediately ran to warn price or laswell, or anyone else. but graves had chosen his timing well. as he ran down the hall, he could hear the beginnings of a fight. of fucking warfare.

he didnt go into detail about the fighting, giving a bare bones rundown of how it went before he had been knocked out. the next time he had woken up, he'd been in a moving vehicle, blindfolded and bound. no matter what he did, what questions he asked, or how hard he struggled, he was kept in the dark about where they were going. he didnt know how long he had been slipping in and out of consciousness before he finally woke to the jostling of being thrown out of the car onto the hard ground, hearing the clang of a pocket knife sounding next to him and the doors slam shut, then the unmistakable rumbling of the car driving off.

at that point, there wasnt much left to tell. he managed to find the knife, cut away the bindings, unblindfold himself, and then end up in the trouble that ghost saved him from a day later.

when he finishes telling his story, the two of them sit in silence for a minute. johnny's glad ghost doesnt mention the way his breath had began to stutter partway through the story- even more glad for the dark hiding the way his cheeks were wet.

just as he opens his mouth to say something more, to brush off the vulnerability he displayed, ghost cuts him off with his own confession.

"simon."

"huh?"

"my name."

"oh."

"mm."

theyre silent for a few minutes more.

"goodnight, johnny."

"... g'night, simon."

at some point during their travels, they meet alejandro and rodolfo. it started with a short scuffle in a safehouse the two men had been occupying, but it ended with only a few bruises and a shaky agreement to not hurt each other.

its over dinner that soap mentions graves- they had been making small talk about how they got there, soap and alejandro immediately hitting it off- and both of the men have a nearly visceral reaction. rudy is significantly calmer about it than alejandro is, but the anger in his eyes is the same.

soap gives them a minimal description of his experience- graves betrayed his group, attacked them, and dropped soap in the middle of no where- and its not long after that alejandro and rudy have an exchange in spanish, then alejandro turns and insists that they join the group to get revenge on graves.

soap usually wouldve immediately said yes, but instead he turns to ghost. they make eye contact, seemingly having a silent conversation, before ghost sighs and turns back to the two men.

"right, fine. but im laying down some ground rules."

and so two became four.

while theyre traveling, things are stirring back with the 141. price, even though he was imprisoned, managed to get both himself and gaz out unnoticed. graves had admitted that soap had simply been removed instead of killed, hence his absence, so price is hoping that if he looks hard enough he can find him. because he knows soap would never abandon them if he had the choice.

and so they travel. price watches over gaz, gaz keeps price on his feet, and they continue searching for soap, until they find them neck deep in the middle of a horde and rescue them.

[personasintro]

Love Lockdown | 02

𝐢𝐢. 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫

↳ 𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬; stronger together, weaker with you

⇢ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: yoongi x reader

⇢ 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: zombie apocalypse au, enemies to lovers, angst, fluff, eventual smut, horror au (?)

⇢ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: explicit language

⇢ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 4.9k+

banner by: @dee-ehn​

 ⇠ 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯. | 𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐱 | 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 ⇢ 

The ride is silent.

At least for a certain time until Taehyung tries to fill up the tense silence. If Taehyung asks you something, you give him a very short and curt answer, which under different circumstances you would feel bad about. But with your body still tense and heart beating wildly against your ribcage, you're too nervous to focus on his deep voice full of worry and pity. You don't do it on purpose though, you appreciate him trying to distract you from your evident fear of not knowing where you are going and what will happen. You don't know them after all and that's clear to him, he gets it.

So, he starts telling you how the store you both coincidentally were in at the same time was their third one they tried and actually found something edible and useful. Apparently, the stores nearby are either completely empty or filled with undeads. Each journey they take in need to find something, to survive, is well planned and surely, there is a huge risk for everyone that's going.

He shares that they and the rest of their friends, apparently just three other people, live in an abandoned house the family must have left in a hurry. It's something, it's better than having to sleep in the woods. Luckily, it's June so the days are warm and evenings as well. It's worse at night but that's expected.

Every time Taehyung shares something that gives you more information, you notice the sharp look Yoongi sends him. Although, he doesn't say anything and drives quietly into the darkness.

“...we found this car abandoned with keys in it. We were so lucky, whoever left this car tried to run away I guess,” Taehyung says, filling the silence once again with his deep but gentle voice as you nod.

With the hood of your jacket draped over your head, you at least feel like you're hidden from those sharp eyes you see in a rear mirror even when he's not directly looking at you. You're sitting right in the middle which doesn't make things easier. Taehyung on your left while Zoya sits on your right.

“The undead in the store,” Taehyung thinks out loud, catching your attention as you glance at him. “It was a man. I think he had to lock himself there, he got bitten.”

“It doesn't make sense. The doors were locked from the outside.” Zoya joins, Taehyung letting out 'Ah' as he realizes she's right.

“Do you think somebody locked him in there?”

“Maybe his loved one. Maybe they couldn't kill him so they locked him in there.” Zoya murmurs, staring into the darkness out of the window on her side.

“Why wouldn't they take the food, though?”

“It doesn't matter. He is dead either way,” Yoongi's voice booms out, both of them shutting up immediately. “Why is it important?”

“It's, uh, it's not,” Taehyung mutters, “I was just thinking…”

Yoongi sighs but doesn't say anything in return, focusing on driving.

The next few minutes are spent in complete silence – the warmth and silence causing you to blink slowly as you feel tired more than ever, in a desperate need to lay your head down and take a nap.

As much as you feel safer with them, you still need to be careful.

They don't look as if they would hurt you but still, you can't just fall asleep in the car with a bunch of strangers. Maybe Yoongi would kick you out the second you fall asleep.

It's almost ironic how scared you are of him.

On another hand, there is no doubt why he brings chills down your spine.

He is cold, emotionless and dominant. Surely, he cares for his friends because he wouldn't be with them if he didn't. He is rude and isn't afraid of raising his tone at his friends, but you heard him when he yelled at Taehyung.

'I can't take care of all of you.'

If he didn't care he wouldn't bother to take care of anyone.

Sure, they're all adults but there has to be something about Yoongi that makes them listen to him. Whatever that is, you wonder if you will ever find out.

He is quite mysterious and even at the simplest things Taehyung shares with you, he looks as if he's about to flip out at him for telling you anything about them or their lives.

“How old are you?” Zoya asks silently, almost as if it's meant to be heard for your ears only but you know everyone heard it because Johnny turns around briefly as Taehyung gives you a glance as well.

Yoongi is the one that doesn't react but you know he heard.

“Twenty-four.” you answer, Zoya smiling.

“I'm twenty-six,” she tells you. “And so is Taehyung.”

Taehyung gives you a thumbs up that makes you smile a little, Taehyung's lips stretching once he sees something else than your dropped and saddened features.

“Yoongi is twenty-eight, Johnny is too.”

You give him a stiff nod, not sure how to react but you steal a glance at Yoongi, noticing him exhaling a sigh. He is annoyed, you notice.

The car comes to a stop after that, your attention increasing as you straighten yourself. You arrive in front of a two storey house Taehyung has mentioned to you. It looks as if it has seen better days but it doesn't look bad at all.

Everyone gets out of the car, Taehyung telling you to follow them with a soft “Come on”.

You help them with a bag, the one Taehyung hands you, as Johnny brushes past you and starts unloading the truck. Everyone tries to take their stuff, causing you to be in the middle of it and you clearly hinder there. So you try to back away, bumping into someone who turns out to be Yoongi (of course, just your luck).

Apologetically looking at him, he ignores you and with a roll of his eyes he helps the others.

He doesn't bother to lock the car, stuffing the keys into his pants as everyone starts to make their way to the house. You follow them, not wanting to be left behind as there is no other house clear in the sight. The dark forest all around makes you already anxious as it is.

The house is warm, smells of wood but definitely isn't kept clean as you see dirt on the floor. It makes sense though. Who would be cleaning in the middle of the apocalypse?

A rush of footsteps is heard, stairs slightly creaking as another person starts to make an appearance which makes you tense. If anyone is as cold as Yoongi, you will really have to think through your decision.

“You guys are back!”

A young male comes to the view as he sighs in relief once he sees everyone in the entryway. Until his eyes fall on you and his mouth opens surprisingly.

“And you brought someone.” he lets out, jumping off the final stair as you realize he must be younger than you.

His voice is slightly deep, surely according to his age, but looking at him you notice how young he looks.

“This is Y/N, we found her in the store.” Taehyung explains, setting down the backpack as he gives you an encouraging smile.

“Oh, hi there!” he calls out happily, sounding too cheerful for a guy in this current state the world is in. There is a positivity coming off him, that much you can tell.

“Hello.” you let out quietly, giving him an unsure smile as he grins at you.

“I'm Xavier,” he introduces himself to you and you nod, surprised when he comes up to you and outstretches his hand for you to take.

Taking it, you let him shake your hands as he keeps staring at you until he hears a snort coming behind him, undoubtedly Johnny who made that sound.

He rolls his eyes but has a grin attached to his lips before he starts looking at the amount of bags and backpacks.

“Wow, you guys brought food!” he says happily, your heart cracking at how happy he seems to be about such a simple thing for a guy his age. Again, it makes sense but still.

“Come on, kid. Help us.” Yoongi tells him, cracking a grin and that's for the first time you hear him sound not so intimidating and looking as well.

Quickly looking away, not waiting to get caught staring, you tighten your hold on the bag as Xavier happily obeys and takes a backpack from Zoya.

You follow everyone further down the house, entering a larger room which seems to be a living room. It's not big but manageable, something that seems like a place where they hang out.

There's an old fireplace, although it looks like it hasn't been used for months, which seems to be the most eye-catching thing in this room.

They sat the backpacks down on the floor, some of the bags on the larger coffee table. Your bag is taken by Taehyung who puts it there.

“You found beer?!” Xavier lets out happily, causing Zoya to laugh as she ruffles his hair as he annoyingly clicks his tongue at her.

“Careful, kid. It's not for you to get drunk.” Yoongi warns him, a little grin cracking on his lips as Xavier whines.

“I don't want to get drunk, hyung. But I can have at least one can, right?” he asks hopefully.

You carefully watch the interaction, wondering what Xavier is to Yoongi.

“I will think about it,” Yoongi feigns indecisiveness as if he is still thinking about it until he chuckles lightly. “Let's sort all of this stuff out and then we can have something.” he proposes, causing Xavier to nod eagerly as he already starts to unpack everything.

“Don't forget to leave something in the bags in case we need to leave in a hurry.”

Reality comes crashing down on you, momentarily pulling you back from your observation and distraction, once Taehyung says, causing Yoongi to nod in confirmation.

You stand there, shifting on your spot not knowing what you do.

You're clearly out of place. Everyone does something, they sort all the stuff while talking between each other while you watch them with unsure gaze.

“Who the fuck is she?”

You almost get a cramp how quick you glance the way the sharp voice comes from. You're met with a redhead woman, her eyes boring into your figure you undoubtedly see thanks to the candles lit in the house and a light being turned on in the corner of the room.

“Calm down,” Taehyung says, earning a nasty glare from her. “This is Y/N. We found her in the store, she was alone and she is here. The end.” he says quickly as if it's not up for debate, as if he knew what's about to come.

“You can't be fucking serious,” she exclaims, turning her gaze to Yoongi. “And you let this happen?”

Yoongi sighs, sitting down on the couch as he closes his eyes for a second, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“You're being rude, Cherry.” Taehyung reminds the woman, Cherry, which earns him another sharp look from her.

“I don't fucking care,” she spits, “We said we don't allow any strangers.”

“She is not a stranger,” Zoya argues. Yes, you are. “She is our friend.”

“You don't even know her!” Cherry exclaims angrily, staring you down like you are the most disgusting thing ever which makes you squirm in your spot.

Is she wrong though? You don't know them and they don't know you. But there are more of them, you would say you have a bigger reason to be scared and dubious of them.

“She's harmless.”

“Yet.” Cherry responds immediately, coming closer to you as Taehyung shields you from her cold and hateful gaze.

“That's enough,” Yoongi interjects, staring at Cherry from across the room who lets out an exclamation of disbelief. “She will help us get the food. If she is a burden, I will kick her out myself.”

Ignoring the way your heart twists, both in offense and embarrassment, that seems to put off Cherry as she scoffs and finally averts her gaze somewhere else.

“You okay?” Taehyung whispers at you, staring down at you as you finally notice how tall he is.

You give him a short nod, barely looking him in the eyes how humiliated you feel.

“I'm sorry about that. Forgot to warn you what a bitch she can be.” he chuckles, grin dropping when he doesn't see you laughing as you unsurely rub your forearms.

He leaves you be, not wanting to make you any more uncomfortable Cherry already has.

“I knew I heard siren,” A new voice resounds and you catch another person entering the room, a wide grin spreading on his tanned skin and plush lips when Cherry undoubtedly flicks him off. “What's the screaming about, this time? Yoongi not bringing you your favorite lipstick?”

Zoya and Taehyung snicker, Johnny watching it amusingly as he already manages to open a chocolate bar, munching on it as he slouches down on the couch.

“Fuck you,” Cherry spits at him, “They went for a food and look who they brought.”

If the floor could swallow you, you would surely be happy if that happened.

Especially when all eyes are turned to you, except Yoongi because he's sorting out the food as if you aren't even here. You're met with Taehyung apologetic gaze as Zoya seems to be annoyed at Cherry and the way she pointed at you so rudely, causing the tanned male look at you.

He has big eyes, a specific sharp and captivating features which makes him look warm and nice – compared to Cherry.

“Oh, but that's much better than food,” He tries to joke, Taehyung disapprovingly shaking his head at it while Zoya laughs but at the end, shakes her head too. “I'm joking, I'm joking,” he assures.

He comes further into the living room, his eyes not leaving you as he eyes you down in unhidden curiosity as you just stand there, watching it happening quietly.

“Three women in the house. What could go wrong?”

Cherry huffs annoyingly, Zoya playfully rolling your eyes while you uncomfortably shift on your spot for the hundredth time.

“I'm Bruno.”

“Y/N.” you let out, clearing your throat when your voice comes out hoarse and unsure.

“Lovely to meet you,” he grins, no longer looking at you as he goes back to food. They all start to sort the food, Taehyung noticing you lingering behind as he calls out to you.

He leads you to a small kitchen with a white kitchen unit, pulling out a few cans and a bottle of water.

“It's not much but what can you do these days?” he jokes, causing your lips to twitch as you sit down where he shows you.

He joins you, grabbing a can of beans as you decently reach for a canned corn.

“I'm sorry about some of us being so cold,” he suddenly speaks up, eyeing you with the same apologetic eyes you have seen a few times by now. “They're very sensitive when it comes to someone new. It doesn't happen often that we bring someone new, if ever. The last one was Xavier and that was three months ago. We promised we wouldn't bring people. It's harder.”

You nod stiffly, wondering why the hell was he so determined to take you with them then?

As if Taehyung could see the question on your face, he chuckles and shrugs.

“I can't imagine being alone in this world. It doesn't matter what we said when an innocent life could die because of our selfishness.”

You stay silent for a moment, holding the spoon he prepared for you tightly.

“Thank you,” you tell him softly. “I don't know what I would do if I didn't meet you guys.” you admit.

Well, you do know what you would do. You would try to survive but there is only a little chance you would make it until the next month. They all know it. Yoongi, Johnny, Zoya, Taehyung… and you of course.

“I just know I would want somebody to save me if it was me. They all would want that. We are all just… very close to each other despite our differences. It's harder every day to keep ourselves alive, so everyone is very sensitive.”

And you understand that.

They are close and bringing a stranger means less food for them. Not only that but it means a bigger danger. Not necessarily from you, but with your zero capabilities of being everything people need to be to survive, you are just a burden to them. You will slow them down at some point.

Maybe not right now because you are in this house. But there is no telling how many days, weeks or months you will be able to be here.

The undeads are everywhere. It's lucky this house is in the middle of nowhere, not attracting attention and it's harder for the undeads to get here. Harder, not impossible.

“I will try to help.” you assure Taehyung but he only gives you a smile, silently telling you not to worry about it right now.

You can't promise him you will benefit them. But you can always try to do your best.

You continue to eat in silence, your growling stomach already satisfied enough even with the small amount. You've been hungry for so long that you barely felt it. Water has never tasted better than when it dribbles down your dry throat.

It can be said you're avoiding everyone's eyes. It's no secret you aren't comfortable with most of them, knowing they really don't want you here or don't care enough (in Bruno's or Xavier's place). Also, Johnny seems to not care if you are here or not, which is kind of surprising, especially since you didn't get off on the right foot with him.

Luckily, Zoya takes it upon herself to lead you through the house once you and Taehyung finish the food. She shows you the bathroom, your own body aching with tiredness but not refusing to clean yourself. All the stress has caused you to sweat and your hands are dirty and sticky from the entire journey.

“I can try and look for some spare clothes for you. I don't have much but we can try and wash your clothes,” she offers, scratching her head in thought as she brings you a towel. “The family that lived here was an old couple. None of their clothes would fit as they seemed to be on the larger side, plus it seems they took most of their clothes and left some behind in a hurry.”

“It's okay,” you send her a gentle smile, “Don't worry about it.”

“Next time we will go search for some supplies, we can look for clothes,”

The thought of having to get out of this house and go back among the undeads makes your stomach clench unconformably. However, all you can do is to nod. They expect you to help. You can't just sit here and let them bring you things.

“Also, we can share a room together. Every room is already occupied by everyone. It's just one bed but it will have to do.”

“That's okay, thank you.” you assure her, nodding as she gives you a final smile before she leaves you to shower.

The shower is refreshing. So refreshing that you close your eyes for a moment, pretending you're back in your apartment having a shower in the evening while you have to wake up early in the morning to start your day. But as soon as you open your eyes, you're met with the turquoise colored tiles that evoke both unfamiliarity and coldness in you.

Before you know it, you cry. Maybe it's the water getting in your eyes, even though you know that's not the case.

Whether it's out of happiness or sadness, you are not sure.

Maybe you are happy that you've found yourself to be with people again. Happy that you got saved because otherwise you would be walking in the darkness and coldness of June's night.

Maybe you are sad because you know your life has no future. You never know what is waiting for you.

Is there even a chance all of this will go away?

You seem to be asking that question every day, no matter where and with whom you are.

It feels weird to be wearing the same clothes after your shower, the same clothes that got dirty while you were trying to run away from people you ended up in a house with. You can't forget about the undead you were running away from, the creature wanted nothing but your flesh in its mouth.

With hair wet from the shower, you get out of the bathroom hearing voices from downstairs. You have no idea if you are supposed to join them or just get to the room Zoya showed you, saying it's been selected as hers when they first got here. Well, now yours as well.

“...it's already been decided, I don't know why you are being such a bitch.”

It's Taehyung's voice.

A scoff that undoubtedly comes from Cherry is loud even to your ears as you stand on top of the wooden staircase. “You are fucking stupid. There are already enough of us as it is.”

Of course they are talking about you.

“You would just leave her there? Knowing she has no chance to survive.”

“Everyone has a chance.” she bites back as Taehyung scoffs.

“A minimal chance. You can't even imagine being alone. You are lucky Johnny is your brother and you were with him the day this whole fucking disaster happened.” Zoya interjects.

Johnny is her brother? It would explain the bitchy attitude. It probably runs in the family, seeing they both aren't very positive about you.

“You bit–”

“Can you stop fighting like little kids?” Yoongi.

“Do you even listen to her?”

“I do,” Yoongi says, “And she is right. We can't bring new people in when we can barely protect ourselves.”

“That's a load of bullshit,” Bruno mutters but it's audible enough for you to hear. “We can protect ourselves. We are stronger when we are together.”

“She can't fight and is scared shitless.” Yoongi points out, sending a straight dagger through your chest as you nibble on your bottom lip once again, tasting the blood on your tongue. It's not like he's lying but he doesn't have to say it like that.

“Of course she is. She was all alone for god knows how long,” Bruno points out.

If you were downstairs you would see Taehyung nodding.

“What I mean is, you guys can't be surprised. We all were scared of what's out there at some point, some of us still are. Being a bitch and selfish prick won't help anyone.”

“Yoongi is thinking about all of us,” Cherry points out bitterly, “You know we all would be dead without him.”

“I'm not saying that's not true,” Bruno points out back, tone bitter as well. “What I'm saying is that we take care of Xavier as well because he is the youngest and you don't see anyone trying to kick him out.”

“That's different!” Johnny says right now, “Xavier has been with us for three months. He is barely an adult. How can you compare someone you've known for three months to a person whom you just met?”

“I'm not comparing them,” Bruno says, “I'm just saying some of you are selfish. The same thing happened with Xav, sorry Xav.”

The youngest just nods silently, listening to the heated conversation.

You make your way down a few steps, sitting on the edge of it as you catch a glimpse of them in the living room. It's too dark where you are, there is a low chance of them seeing you.

“The point is, this can't be happening all the time.” Cherry argues, causing Bruno to sigh frustratedly loudly.

“Okay, then let's vote.” he proposes.

“Vote? She is already here! What if you vote against her? We will just kick her out? That's even worse now that we brought her here.” Taehyung disagrees immediately while Zoya nods, agreeing.

“Do you have a better idea?” Bruno asks.

“Yes, let her be. Let her stay here with us.”

“Listen, I'm not enthusiastic about this either but she is already here. Either she will help us or I will kick her out. Are we done?”

Yoongi stands up, looking tired and frustrated from this conversation that you are unmistakably a part of. You are the reason for his frustration, that's for sure.

Cherry huffs but doesn't say anything else, the group spreading. You quickly stand up, but you are too late.

You are met with Taehyung's eyes before you notice his approaching footsteps. He doesn't have to ask you if you heard because judging from your face, it's more than clear. Even in the darkness he can make out your tensed and unsure figure.

“Sorry.” he simply says, going up the stairs as he brushes past you.

You follow him, hugging your arms around yourself. “Maybe I should go.”

“Don't be stupid,” he exclaims tiredly, “You know what I told you in the kitchen. I know it's hard but please just hang in there.”

He doesn't give you a space to answer, simply going to his room as he defeatedly closes the door behind him. Standing there for a moment, you break out of your frozen state when you hear more footsteps coming to the staircase.

The bedroom you will share with Zoya is small, looking like one of the guest rooms. There is a picture of roses in a vase above the bed frame, old but somehow it suits the vibe when you imagine the old couple living here.

Not sure if you can lay down, you sit on the edge until the door is opened and Zoya with wet hair appears. She gives you a soft smile, tossing the towel onto the floor not caring if it's wet.

“I assume you heard all of that,” she starts and your silence is enough of an answer. “They're idiots,”

You chuckle at that. Well, you can't disagree with that.

She sits next to you, the mattress slightly bouncing at the sudden pressure her weight and collision make.

“We–the more there was of us it was both better and worse. We were stronger if it came down to undeads attacking us. But we quickly ran out of any food supplies we had, even if we had like, one can for one person a day,”

You listen attentively, understanding everything she says.

“It's not only about that though. We–we lost someone recently. The pain that follows–it's just hard to bring someone new because eventually, you get attached to them. No matter what a bitch or a dick they can be,”

She sadly lifts the corner of her lips as if she is hinting at someone particular. You can imagine who that might be.

“It's just sad. We are all grieving,”

You don't ask any questions though, seeing how sad she suddenly is at the mention of the person they lost. It's not polite of you to ask about it. Not right now. Not when it seems like it's still very fresh.

“It's hard to watch someone die right in front of your eyes, even if you are not very close to them. I think that's what Yoongi thought when he didn't want you to join us. He has a cold exterior but we really wouldn't be here without him. He's smart and strong. I can't speak for him but I understand him to a certain level. That's why I think he never wants anyone to join us, none of us do. If you can't fight for yourself, it's just a matter of time when we all will have to watch you die. I don't mean this in a bad way,”

She looks at you but you don't react, simply staring at your clean hands placed in your lap.

“Yoongi takes care of Xavier. He–we found him in the alley. He almost got killed. He's just a kid. Whenever we have to change places, it's hard to protect him. We can protect ourselves better but we are not immortal. It's already hard as it is, so the thought of doing that with another person is just… very hard.”

“I understand,” you murmur, fumbling with your fingers.

It all makes sense. Yoongi, not wanting you to join them. Still, he was so cold about it. He barely showed any emotion like he doesn't care what happens to you. Why would he though?

You understand how hard it is for them to protect Xavier, despite not all of them probably have the perfect skills to kill undead. They're just protecting themselves from another heartbreak.

“I will try hard, so you won't have to protect me.” you assure her silently as she glances at you and breathes out a chuckle.

“We protect each other, Y/N,” she tells you with a slight smile, “But it's easier to do that when you can protect yourself as well.”

Those words resonate with you for the rest of the night, well until you finally fall asleep as the exhaustion takes over you.

You just hope every day will get easier.

Somehow, it sounds very naive.

[mishasminions]

Here’s why the Supernatural Series Finale Sucked

(AND IT REALLY ISN’T JUST BECAUSE CAS/MISHA WASN’T IN IT)

First of all, I’d like to state, that this perspective is coming from someone who has watched, invested in, and dissected this show for 15 years. I’ve tried to rationalize and justify every single decision each of the main characters made throughout the years, and I’ve always tried to make sense of each of their story arcs from a “bigger picture” standpoint as each season progressed.

Anyway, before I can properly explain why the finale sucked, let me quickly take you through 15 seasons by segregating them into 3 eras, because you can’t really comprehend what Supernatural is about and what it’s become without going through how it tried to expand its universe.

SEASONS 1-5: THE KRIPKE ERA

Now, we all know that Kripke was always set in wrapping up Sam and Dean’s story in 5 seasons, and he did just that.

So, in this era, Supernatural is about two brothers who set out on a journey to fulfill “the family business”. They hunt mythical monsters that terrorize the world, while battling the monsters within themselves. Their ultimate “big bad” is an apocalypse.

Towards the end of this era, we find out that Sam and Dean are actually a parallel to Biblical characters who are brothers turned rivals. And that Sam and Dean’s destiny is to go up against each other.

However, as a dynamic, they have always been about making their own choices, choosing free will, and having a brotherly bond that can power through against any obstacle at any given day.

So, this era is neatly wrapped up with its finale. The characters grow, and get justified endings.

Dean, a man who thinks of himself as two things: 1. Sam’s older brother and protector; and 2. Daddy’s blunt little instrument.

He’s spent his whole life believing that that was his only purpose, and he knew that the only ending he’ll get would either be a bloody death fulfilling his duty to the family business; or laying his life on the line to save his brother.

Dean gets the ending he thought was never possible for him, something he thought he could never deserve. After years of living and dying for his family, he gets a shot at having an apple pie life--to settle down with a nice girl, raise a kid in a house with a white picket fence. With Sam gone, Dean’s responsibility now is to himself.

Sam, on the other hand, never wanted any part of it, because he wasn’t groomed the way Dean was, and because thanks to Dean, Sam wasn’t traumatized or forced into growing up too quickly the way Dean was.

So Sam aspires for a normal life, and works the cases with Dean so he can maybe get some semblance of it, when everything they set out to kill are laid to rest.

Ultimately, Sam performs a selfless act for his brother, who has given up everything for him, and for their cause--to save the world.

The journey is this: Dean sacrifices everything to save Sam, and Sam sacrifices himself so Dean could live.

Apart from being Dean’s “savior” and guardian angel, Castiel’s role in this era is to serve as a mirror to Dean’s journey. Castiel goes from being heaven’s foot soldier, following “God’s orders”; to an angel who learns to choose and feel for the first time in his existence.

After they realize that they’re both daddy’s blunt instruments, Dean starts choosing his own path for himself, and convinces Castiel to join him. Castiel stops following heaven, and starts following Dean.

In the end, with his newfound understanding of the world thanks to Dean, Castiel goes back to heaven to reform it.

We’ve resolved the biblical arc, and the character journeys.

SEASONS 6-10: THE SPIN-OFF ERA

So this is where the show realizes how vast its universe can be, so it tries to expand it by tapping into uncharted lands and experimenting with it.

They take on heaven, reform hell, explore purgatory, have the angels fall, turn Dean into a demon, and kill Death.

Dean and Sam recognize their codependency, and try to rise above it.

They go back and forth between which brother will risk it all for the greater good every other season.

Dean and Cas strengthen their relationship by recognizing the impact they have on each other’s lives.

Cas structures his life and decisions around Dean (Seasons 6-7), and Dean learns to trust and fight for Cas (Seasons 8-9).

Sam and Cas bond (mostly over Dean) because of their shared rationales in decision-making.

Dean, Sam, and even Cas also forge relationships with the people they work with. The concept of “found family” is introduced here.

This era was heavy on the plot while establishing, reinforcing, and solidifying relationships and dynamics.

At this point, it wasn’t just about the brothers anymore.

If Supernatural had ended in Season 10, the logical finale would’ve been Team Free Will, along with the family that they’ve found, going up against the latest big bad (Death or whoever). Maybe they lose them along the way, maybe they all make it out alive, or maybe they go down swinging, but at least the show recognizes and supports the message they keep saying, “Family don’t end with blood”

SEASONS 11-15: THE REWRITE ERA

This is where the show runs out of ideas and decides to invalidate the seasons that came before it.

From bringing Mary back (basically rendering their whole journey pointless because they’ve literally started hunting because of her death), to changing the stipulations in being Michael and Lucifer’s vessels (another character struggle rendered useless), to God himself breaking the fourth wall by saying that the Winchesters get away with everything because “they’re the main characters in his story and everything they’ve been through was just part of a badly written narrative”.

But what we’re getting from this era is that Sam and Dean, along with Cas (who has also deviated from the story) ARE trying to escape a badly written narrative.

That’s the “big bad” in this era. The writer.

At this point, the characters have picked up so many strays (including those from alternate universes), and have settled into their roles in their “found family”. Dean, Sam, and Cas all become surrogate dads and uncles.

They’ve also graduated from the whole “we’re on different sides” and “going behind each other’s backs” drama. And they just want the whole family together.

They’ve all resigned themselves to the cause, but they’re also tired. Dean allows himself to contemplate about wanting more out of life or at least getting a vacation. Sam, on the other hand, realizes his capabilities as an effective leader. Castiel learns to love another being that isn’t Dean (spoiler: it’s Jack).

However, they also realize that they’ve just been puppets on a string all this time.

So what they want now, is to write their own story, and make their own choices knowing that God/the writer isn’t the one fueling their narrative.

So here’s why the finale sucks:

Andrew Dabb, the current showrunner, said that there would be two finales.

15x19 - The finale to wrap up Season 15, and 15x20 - The finale to wrap up the series by “resolving the characters’ journey”

In 15x19 the boys find a way to de-power God/the writer. For the first time in their whole lives, they are free from the story. Their lives are completely theirs now. They can make their own decisions. There are no more “big bads” to fight

And here’s what happens in 15x20:

Immediately after being freed from their story arc, Dean and Sam go back to hunting the monster of the week.

Dean eats pie, gets nailed (literally), makes a 10-minute speech to Sam because he knows he’s dying, then he goes to heaven.

Dean is greeted by Bobby, his surrogate Dad who he hasn’t seen (fully alive) since Season 7. Bobby’s expository dialogue comprises of him explaining that he got out of heaven’s jail, that John and Mary are next door, and that Jack and Cas fixed the dynamics of heaven off-screen.

The first thing Dean decides to do is go for a long drive in his Impala (as if he hasn’t done enough of that already).

Meanwhile, Sam decides to stop hunting after Dean dies, he gets the apple pie life he hadn’t wanted since Season 8 (while Dean was in Purgatory), and names his kid “Dean” for effect. He grows old and dies.

Dean drove around in heaven for so long that Sam catches up to him.

They hug. The end.

Great, right?

After 15 years of struggling to battle their own respective destinies, going up against big bads and even bigger bads, then finally being able to take charge of their own stories, Dean and Sam regress to hunting the monster of the week, and get killed off by a nail and old age. Okay.

Sam gets to retire and have a family, sure, but they still focus on him and the kid he named after his dead brother. Still just “Sam and Dean” through and through. Nothing to do with found family. Just lineage. Just blood. And it ends there.

See, the problem here is that this ending would’ve been passable in The Kripke Era. But we’re 10 years down the road since, and while Sam and Dean are the original main characters, the show isn’t just about them and their codependent relationship anymore.

So you see, even if you take out the whole “Castiel deserves to be in the finale because he’s also a main character with an unfinished story arc” argument, the finale still does no justice to the series it tried to “wrap up”.

But anyway, now I’ll make the case for the problem with Castiel not being in the finale:

In 15x18, we get a 5-minute rushed confession from Castiel to Dean. The context of which are as follows:

1. Earlier in the episode, Dean had wounded Death with her scythe. We later find out that this wound is fatal.

2. Their friends start to “blip out” in a Thanos-like snap, and Dean thinks that Death is causing it, so Dean seeks her out, and Cas goes with him.

3. Dean and Cas anger Death, apparently for no reason because she didn’t even do the thing they thought she did. She chases them to try to kill them

4. Dean and Cas lock themselves in a room. Dean starts a pity party.

5. As Dean goes through hating himself out loud, Cas decides to inform Dean of the deal he made with The Empty. He then proceeds to explain the stipulation of the deal (that he would get taken once he experiences a moment of true happiness), then discusses his newfound happiness philosophy. Dean is getting whiplash.

6. Cas goes on to imply that the one thing that he wanted that he knew he couldn’t have is Dean Winchester reciprocating his romantic feelings for him. (Don’t even try to fight me on this because Cas already has Dean’s platonic love, and he knows that Dean thinks of him as a brother, so if he really meant this in a “familial” way, then why would he think that he couldn’t have the thing that would make him happy?) So Cas’ realization is that telling Dean about his feelings is enough to make him happy.

7. Cas tells Dean all the reasons why he loves him (thereby combating Dean’s self-deprecation tirade), and all the reasons why he’s worthy of his love. Meanwhile, Dean is still winded from the fact that Cas is about to sacrifice himself for him again.

8. Dean never gets to process anything, because Cas is shoving him out of the way, as he and Death (who busts through the door) get taken by The Empty.

After this episode, Dean never speaks of it. Misha Collins supposes that Dean doesn’t reciprocate. Jensen Ackles says that Dean didn’t really get to process it because it was too much, too fast, and that Dean, still dense as ever, thinks that Cas, a celestial being, doesn’t interpret human feelings the same way.

So what was the point of this confession?

Politics and sensitivities of a 2005 network television aside, what does this do for the story?

Cas proclaims his romantic feelings to Dean, but Dean never acknowledges it, doesn’t even give it a passing thought afterwards. So Cas’ big declaration goes unheard.

Cas cashes in on his Empty deal to kill Death (who was dying anyway), in order to save Dean who dies two episodes after.

Dean makes no effort to save Cas (despite being really broken up about his previous deaths, or even spending a whole year in Purgatory looking for him), even after they’ve beaten God, not even asking Jack (who has all the power in the universe) to bring him back (when Jack has already done it before, with less mojo).

Dean moves on to fight the monster of the week. Somewhere off-screen, Jack rescues Cas from The Empty, but Cas uncharacteristically doesn’t even bother to go to Dean? (Every single time he comes back, Dean’s always the first person he goes to)

And Cas, who apparently helped craft and reform the new heaven, isn’t the one who welcomes Dean and explains the new dynamics of it?

Sure, Jan.

Supernatural, you’ve created a finale that only your casual viewers and people who dipped out after Season 5 can appreciate.

Just goes to show how much you actually valued the people who actually invested in your story and characters, and consistently helped keep your show on the air.

[RT this on Twitter]

[eisforeidolon]

They like to use S13 as an example, and just ignore that Dean was pissed especially about losing his mom again, and then he had the son of the Devil, who he believes manipulated Cass and got him killed. Hell he was even angry about Crowley dying and asked Chuck to bring him back. And then a few eps later he fails to keep a kid from getting killed by a ghost. So, he was just being put through the ringer emotionally, but they think it was just Cass dying and not everything piling up on him.

And yeah, when Cass comes back he gets pulled out of his funk, because if Cass is alive again, then there actually might be hope that they could save Mary. And Dean went so far as to pull a gun on a teenage girl to save his mom, like he's never done that for Cass. He usually just accepts Cass is dead and moves on, and then is surprised when he pops back up alive.

******************************

Yep, exactly. They have this entirely bizarre meta theory that season 13 is Dean's ~*Widower Arc*~, i.e. the actual main story of that season is Dean being upset primarily over Cas. Which once again proves they either aren't actually watching the show, or if they are, their media comprehension is abominably bad.

Amara literally tells Dean she's giving him back 'what he needs most' because that's what he gave her right before returning Mary at the end of season 11. His mother. Whose absence Dean's entire life has been based around to a pretty fair extent. Who, as season 13 starts? He has just spent a season desperately trying to connect to while she distances herself, and just as she has agreed to try? BAM. She's tossed into an alternate apocalyptically hostile universe with one of their worst enemies. ... but it's totes all about how Dean lurves Castiel and can't live without him!

Dean is convinced things with Jack will go bad, because they always do. Dean is convinced Mary is dead, because he can't let himself hope. Except while he's trying to cope with that and the associated feelings? He's living with Sam who seems to be getting more and more attached to Jack every day and seems determined to believe that not only can Jack be good? They can use him to save Mary. Along with living with Jack himself, who is kid-like, but has an insane amount of power that even if he doesn't cause destruction with on purpose he may still do it all the same. Like Asmodeus almost gets him to do in approximately five minutes. That's insanely stressful to be living with, constantly waiting for it to go wrong, constantly in conflict with Sam, constantly trying not to hope. ... but it's totes all about how Dean lurves Castiel and can't live without him!

Dean does plead for Chuck to return Castiel ... in the same breath as he asks for Mary and even Crowley back because he's just that sick of all their family, friends, and allies dying. Where this happens in the context of Jack being an unknown quantity on the loose who may endanger the world's ability to be "fine" with only Sam & Dean to fix it. When he doesn't get a response? He doesn't try to come up with any alternate plans, entities to plead to, or anything - they just burn the body and move on. Which not only is a marked contrast to how he reacts to Sam's deaths and being so upset he waves a gun at a teenager over Mary (FU Berens)? It's also an interesting comparison to season 15, where he doesn't even bother to mention Castiel again after he dies - when they're no longer in a situation where they potentially need the extra firepower for a possible world-ending situation. Hell, it's an interesting comparison to later that very season when he asks Billie to release all the ghosts in that house in exchange for information and tries to ask if Mary is alive - but doesn't ask about Castiel in any capacity. ... but it's totes all about how Dean lurves Castiel and can't live without him!

With those boys dying after they were already on the case, he tells Sam he just needs a win, implying even a case-level win would do. So, yeah, when Castiel comes back, it finally starts to feel like not everything is an ongoing disaster! Except trying to paint it as something other than a sign of hope that allows him to move forward and allow that Jack might not go bad and Mary might be alive and rescue-able? Kind of ignores that Castiel takes off pretty soon thereafter to go look for Jack and Dean is not only fine with that, mostly just annoyed with his lack of progress? He doesn't even notice that the "Cass" he's talking to on the phone for weeks is Asmodeus. ... but it's totes all about how Dean lurves Castiel and can't live without him!

Finally, let's take it to the abstract level of storytelling mechanics. An arc actually has a resolution. The arc of season 13 effectively concludes with retrieving Mary and Jack from apocalypse world as it sets off the cliffhanger into season 14, the conflict with Michael arising out of Dean making a deal with him to save Sam (and Jack) from Lucifer. Castiel is little more than background noise to all of that. ... but it's totes all about how Dean lurves Castiel and can't live without him! Somehow.

[icefire149]

Certain parts of season 14 and 15 just rub me the wrong way. Everything about the shift when Mary dies again to set up conflict between Dean and Cas just doesn’t hit right. So here’s a new way I’d do it:

Jack still accidentally murders Mary, but after zipping around the Earth in a panic, he goes to Castiel. He has no fear that he’ll lose Cas over this. It’s Sam and Dean that he’s worried about. Especially Dean since he was horrible when he was born. Dean only more recently seemed like he really cared about him. He can’t mess this up. Jack brings Cas back to the house and explains what happened. 

We know Cas is a strategist and his mind would be in overdrive, because of course the Winchesters weren’t going to be okay with any of this. Hell, he’s barely keeping it together. Mary was his friend. But, Jack is his child and responsibility. And he loves him too much to let him suffer. So he devises a plan: Nick was trying to summon Lucifer from the Empty. He was succeeding. Jack and Mary were trying to stop him and Lucifer obliterated Mary. Jack wasn’t quick enough but he was able to send Lucifer back into the Empty and in a rage killed Nick. Now Jack is panicking because it’s still his fault, but not his fault. It’s Nick and Lucifer’s. And Jack while being mostly soulless is still a bit hesitant to weave such a lie to their family, but he agrees. Cas reassures him that the Winchesters will be devastated, but they’ll understand better this way. As a family, all of them will be able to grieve and move on eventually. Because: Nick shouldn’t have done what he did. It was high tension and everyone was upset, and it was inevitable an accident happened. It was just a terrible accident. 

Distraught, Jack asks if there’s anything they can do to fix things? If they can bring Mary back? If they had a body....maybe. This leads Jack to want to see Rowena to see if she could just bring Mary back. They decide to try, but stick to the story. Cas gets zapped back to his truck and Jack goes to Rowena. So we have the similar situation where Jack in a panic tries to force Rowena to fix things and she tries, but also still tips off the Winchesters. Still the magic doesn’t work and Jack is scared. Sam and Dean get to the house and are a mess trying to make heads or tails of the mess. Automatically the blame is on Jack. They’ve been worried about his soul. He must have gone completely dark side. And we’ll note that Dean is the one crawling out of his skin pacing and ranting. Sam is more withdrawn. Jack flies into Cas’ truck when he’s almost there. Cas goes into the house first. He tells Jack to wait in the truck. Cas bars the doorway with his body while he tries to explain the ‘tale’ Jack told him in the car and how devastated he is over Mary and terrified of what they, Sam & Dean, will do next. 

Dean believes Cas. It’s Cas. His anger rolls into grief & tears. His mom died. How did he get here where he has to bury her again. Cas comforts Dean with soft touch and words. He’s sorry. He’s so sorry. Cas gives into his own grief a bit. It’s Sam that continues to stand there in quiet rage. It’s like his whole lifetime of trauma is torn open again. And now there’s this new angry wound that’s only festered since Amara brought Mary back. Yes, he should be grateful that he’s gotten to know her at all, but.....it was never right. She never stayed long enough to really know him. Emotionally her bond with Dean was always stronger. He was always just a fly on the wall. She was his mom too. And now...even Cas is crying more than him. When the hell was she ever anything to him? Sam’s anger spirals, but he’s trying to keep it down. He keeps going over the house there. Something about everything isn’t sitting right with him. There’s something off. He knows it. 

So with the funeral and going home to the bunker, things feel flipped. Jack and Cas were most worried about Dean, but it’s Sam they should be worried about. Dean is angry and upset, but he’s not blaming Jack. He’s actually trying to be there for Jack. This development has Cas over the moon, because this is all he ever wanted. For them to be a family. While Dean fell into the cycle of his father’s anger when Cas died s12/13....this time he’s being what he/John should have been. And Sam is the one sinking into John’s cycle of anger. Sam’s the one drinking a bit more. He’s quiet, but there’s an anger that’s clearly there. He’s distancing himself from Jack and Cas. Eventually he blows up and admits that he blames Jack and his soullessness. For all they know he hurt her / let her get hurt purposely. Which gets Cas angry and Sam flat out admits that he doesn’t trust Cas’ word. Something feels off to him, and this isn’t the first time Cas has tried to go behind their backs. He has quite the history of it. 

This causes Sam, Dean, and Cas to go at it yelling. Jack overhears some and blames himself for ruining everything again. He’s been nothing but trouble for their family. Maybe it would be better if he just left. So he does. This ties us back to Jack being manipulated by Heaven. Dean and Cas are out trying to find him. All ties back in to Jack goes home and finds Sam alone in the bunker. And it’s easy to fall back into the trust Jack has always had with Sam. He’s always had Jack’s back. And he manipulates Jack, telling him that they’ve worked out a spell to bring Mary back. They altered the malak box spell work to harness and focus Jack’s powers. It should be enough. Dean and Cas will be back any minute with Rowena. Jack eagerly believes him and does as he’s told. Jack gets in the box and he stares up at Sam nervous. Sam tells him that there’s nothing to worry about anymore. Cas told them everything. They can fix things now. And Jack looks at him confused, everything? Sam presses that yes, Cas explained how it was an accident. Jack breathes a sigh of relief and then crumbles into tears, how he didn’t mean to. He asked her to stop, but she wouldn’t give him a moment to breathe and then..it was an accident. He didn’t mean to hurt her. And cold as ice Sam goes, I know, and closes the lid. Locking the box. 

It’s a while before Dean and Cas make it back. Jack has enough time to completely unravel in his grief, and anger, and realization that Sam lied and tricked him. Everyone keeps manipulating him and lying. Dean and Cas get back and start arguing with Sam. Just like in the show, Jack breaks out and leaves. Sam still goes into it explaining the truth he got from Jack. Cas LIED. He covered up Mary’s death. He’s known the truth all along. Dean refuses to believe Sam. He’s mistaken. 

Things roll into Moriah and Jack makes it so no one can lie. And because of that the truth finally comes out of Cas’ mouth. And Dean breaks. He tells Cas that he’s dead to him. Cas leaves to look for Jack on his own. Dean’s fury goes in on Jack. He never should have gotten attached. Jack was always a monster. All of this rolls into Chuck’s return and manipulation. He pushes Dean to kill Jack. And the puzzle pieces click into place for Sam. He realizes how much this is all a game to Chuck. Chuck pulled the strings to make every bad thing that’s happened in his life happen just for his own entertainment: Mom, their childhood, dad’s shitty parenting, Jess, demon deals, demon blood, Dean going to Hell, Ruby, the apocalypse, visions, unanswered prayers, EVERYTHING..... Chuck’s newest episode of entertainment was causing Jack to accidentally kill Mary and have to live with the consequences of losing his only family over it. Sam’s anger goes directly into Chuck. 

He needs to get to Dean. Meanwhile Dean finds Cas and Jack in the cemetery. Cas gets between them and tries to talk Dean down. Dean is shaking with fury. He’s never been this mad before. He hated Jack for being born and getting Cas killed, and then he grew to love the kid as family, and he hates him for making him feel this much. He killed his mom, and lied about it. Cas tries to explain that he was trying to protect all of them. He was trying to maintain their family. Dean coldly goes, there’s no family here to maintain. I’m a hunter. Saving people and hunting monsters is the family business, and....I see two monsters in front of me. And he holds the equalizer up, shakily. Jack sends Cas flying so he can approach Dean. He understands what Dean has to do. He accepts it and he’s sorry. Jack gets on his knees and waits. Dean can’t quite do it. He’s trying.

Sam and Chuck get there. Sam starts yelling how Chuck set this whole thing up. Chuck is trying to make Dean do this...for his own entertainment. And everything rolls back into what the actual show did. Dean can’t kill Jack and Sam shoots Chuck. Everything continues to roll similarly as s15 did, but the divorce arc is leaning heavily on Dean is angry about Cas betraying him. 

[wormstacheangel]

Suptober Day 6: Cemetery Boys

wc: 1.3k tags: hunter!cas, human!cas, destiel au, case fic, a little grave digging and flirting never hurt anybody

This. This was the worst part of the job; Dean concludes as he shovels away another patch of dirt. He cringes when he realizes that actually the people dying are the worst part but digging up a grave is a close second.

“I am...never...playing that...stupid...fucking game. Again!”

He hated rock, paper, scissors anyways. Couldn’t they play darts or cards to settle bets? Why do they have to play such a childish game? And why does he always fucking lose?

Dean throws the dirt over his shoulder with ache arms. Sam suggested someone had to stay with the pretty girl and protect her from the ghost of some old-timey creep. So, now Sam is somewhere comforting the college cheerleader while Dean is struggling to climb out of the hole. He just needed a second—a minute.

Fuck, he needed a nap.

He was almost out when he saw someone running towards him.

“Shit!” Dean lost his footing and fell onto his back. Landing back into the grave with a loud groan.

He heard a loud chuckle before he opened his eyes and saw, “Wow. Aren’t you pretty?”

Dean saw the man roll his eyes, but all Dean could think about was how angelic the man looked with the glow of the moon behind him.

“Did I just die and gone to heaven?”

“If heaven is finishing this dig, then yes.” Dean barely heard his words cause he was putty under the voice. The deep fucking voice. “You’re Dean, right?”

Pretty boy knows my name! “Yeah.” Smooth. “Yeah, am I that famous already?”

“Your brother sent me over to check on you.” Pretty boy helped Dean out of the grave, holding his hand out and helping Dean regain his balance by holding a hand to his waist. “Says you were taking too long.”

Was this dude teasing him, or was he dead serious?

“Yeah, well, digging up a dead body isn’t as easy anymore.”

“I don’t think it was ever easy.”

Dean blinked at him, still unable to understand if the dude just had a dry humor or if he was fucking serious.

“Who the fuck even are you?” Dean finally asked, handing the guy the extra shovel before he could even answer.

He watched pretty boy take the shovel and jump into the hole with ease. Already digging when he answers in a deep groan. “I’m Castiel.”

It took a second for Dean to stop hearing the name bouncing off the walls in his brain. “Castiel?”

Cas gave him a slight nod, his lips in a tight line as he started to shovel off the dirt quickly. Dean sat down at the edge of the grave and watched him, enjoying the way his arms and back muscles stretch his shirt, but also in suspicion.

“And what the fuck are you doing here, Cas?”

“I was on my way to this hunt, actually.”

“So you’re a hunter.”

“I thought that was obvious.”

Yeah. Well. “Well, we did all the work already, so you can’t take the credit.”

“I don’t need credit. I just want to help.” Cas was already leaving a pretty good dent. “I was supposed to be here sooner, but my car broke down. Left it on the side of the road, hidden by some trees--can’t really call a mechanic when I have an arsenal in the back.”

Dean jumped in and grabbed his own shovel to help.

“Well, it must be your lucky day, Cas.” Cas looked up at him, eyebrows knitted together. “You are looking at one of thee best mechanics on this side of the country.”

“What about the other side?”

“I’m not so good over there.”

They both cracked a smile. So maybe Cas does have a dry sense of humor. And Dean...well, shit, Dean thinks he likes it.

“After we’re done here, maybe I can give you a ride back to your car? See what I can do.”

Cas was staring at him, almost as if he could see right through him, and Dean wasn’t sure if he liked it, but he sure as fuck can get addicted to being seen.

“I would appreciate that very much. Thank you, Dean.”

“No problem. Maybe that would make us even.” Dean says as his shovel hits something old. He slams the shovel down harder and cracks the wooden box. “Jackpot!”

Cas climbed out of the grave with ease and quickly turned around to help Dean out again. He wanted to show that he could get out all by himself, too, but he didn’t want to lose the opportunity to hold the damn dude’s big rough hands.

Shit. It’s been a while for him.

“Dean?” Dean noticed his gaze had fallen to the other man’s lips. It was formed into a small smile. “The salt?”

He’s a professional! He should not be letting this pretty boy interfere with the job. Since when has this been a rule? Now. He is starting now.

Dean picked up the salt, and before he could pour it out into the grave, he felt a familiar push of something hard knocking him back. He landed hard against a gravestone, his back getting the worst of it, while he heard his name being called out but everything was a little fuzzy. The figure before him, dressed in an old prison uniform, grinned down at him before he took hold of Dean’s neck. It was choking him.

“Dean!”

His vision faded as he tried to fight the ghost, but his legs just went through him. But eventually, he fell onto his knees, sucking in the air before a coughing fit started.

He felt strong arms around his shoulders, protecting him. “Come on, Dean. We gotta burn the remains.”

Easy for him to say. He wasn’t just thrown across the graveyard like a damn rag doll.

Dean followed Cas’s lead without complaint, noticing now that the dude had a shotgun in hand. When they reached the grave again, there stood the ghost with the most fucked up grin that made the Joker’s scars look good. It gave Dean the chills, and he started to feel his body freeze up.

“Cas.” Dean tugged at the other guy’s sleeve. His hands felt so weak, and when he looked down at himself, he noticed they were starting to become purple. “Fuck.”

This is how all his victims were found. Shit, that also meant the damn ghost found him pretty enough to kill.

Cas noticed at the same time and gave Dean’s hand a gentle squeeze as he pulled it off of him. He gave Dean an apologetic smile before turning towards the ghost. “If you want him. Take him.”

“Are you fucking serious?” Dean complained as he watched the ghost’s eyes widen as he looked Dean up and down. “If that dirty hand touches me, Cas. You’re dead.”

“Then I suggest you keep him away from you while I burn this bitch.”

Dean couldn’t help but smile. Even while being used as fucking bait, he could find time to find Cas as cute and funny.

Dean did as he was told, ignoring the way his lungs burned with every gasping breath as he tried to fucking run from the ghost. Like the first idiot who dies in a horror movie.

“You could have given me the gun!”

“Get your own!”

“Ass!”

Dean swore he heard laughter.

And just when he was cornered, with nasty fucking claws trying to bury themselves into his chest, the ghost backs away in screams. Burning up from the inside first and slowly spreading. Then, finally, the screams and remains become lost to the wind.

Dean fell back against a grave, his chest still ached along with everything in his body, when he saw Cas run towards him. He slid into his knees and carefully cradled Dean’s head between his hands, looking at him again. Looking at him like he knew him. Cared about him.

“Dean? Dean, you okay?”

Dean wanted to shove those hands away. He wouldn’t have let anyone take care of him like this, but right now, he didn’t care.

“You owe me, Cas. That grimy nasty shit touched me.”

Cas sighed in relief, knowing Dean was fine. Or at least, he was alive.

“I guess I owe you.” Cas helped Dean up. “Maybe after you fix my car?”

“Deal. But buy me breakfast first?”

“Deal.”

[rowyn-writes]

A Mother's Love (Dean x Wife!Reader)

Warnings: Language, fluff, major angst, implications of divorce, arguing, Dean being mean to Jack

Pairings: Dean x Wife!Reader

Characters: Dean, Jack, Sam, Reader, Cas (mentioned only)

Word count: 2.7k

You threw your bag down as you entered the bunker, exhausted from your last hunt. This was one of the rare cases where you worked alone.

Sometimes you needed the time to yourself, away from all the men. Sometimes you would go hunting with Jody and Claire, but even then, those two argued like cats and dogs.

"Y/N," Jack smiled as you entered the kitchen. "How was the hunt?"

"It was pretty good, actually." You grinned as you sat across from him. "I was chasing down this werewolf in Tennessee, and it was really strange. He'd kill one person, turn the next, and repeat that cycle."

"That's. . . Weird." He furrowed his eyebrows.

"That's what I said. Well," You continued on with the story of your hunt, watching as Jack's eyes widened in amazement and awe.

"Y/N?" Dean called your name, entering the kitchen. "Hey, sweetheart. I didn't know you were home?"

You stood up, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Sorry, babe. I got sidetracked. I was just telling Jack about my trip." You smiled, looking over at the boy. You were concerned, as the smile fell from his face and he looked away from you and Dean. "You okay, kid?"

"Yeah," He nodded, not meeting your eye. "I'll give you two some space." He mumbled as he walked out of the kitchen.

"Does he seem off to you?" You asked Dean.

"Nah, he acts like he usually does. Squirrelly and weird."

"Says the squirrel himself." You rolled your eyes. "Did something happen while I was gone?"

Dean said nothing as he looked down, an obvious indicator that he was guilty of something. "Dean," You growled lowly. "Did you say something to Jack? Something that would upset him somehow?"

When Dean didn't give you an answer, you shook your head as you follow Jack to his room.

"Jack." You called out. He seemed to be lost in thought, as he didn't react to your words. "Jack!" You said louder, causing him to turn around. There was a tiny amount of fear in his eyes. If you didn't know him, it wouldn't have affected you.

"What's wrong?" You asked softly, resting your hand on his shoulder.

"Nothing." He spoke. "Why would anything be wrong?"

"Jack, I saw how you reacted when Dean came in. You looked like a kicked puppy. Don't tell me it's nothing, kiddo."

In the time you had known Jack, you had grown to care for him deeply. You had always wanted kids, but in this life, it wasn't possible. Well, it was, but you knew you didn't want your children to do what you do. So when Jack was born, you felt extremely happy because it felt like you finally had a child. Albeit, he did look twenty.

"Dean doesn't like me very much." He admitted.

"I'm sure that's not true. . ." You argued weakly. In all honesty, you didn't think Dean liked Jack either. It's not like he was abusive, but he did treat him differently than everyone else.

"But it is, Y/N."

"How do you know, Jack? With Dean, it takes him time to warm up to people. It took him months to actually trust me. He's a cautious person."

"Did he threaten you too?" Jack asked, genuinely curious. His head was tilted to the side, his honey blonde hair falling into his eyes. He had gotten that head tilt from Cas.

"Dean. . . Threatened you?" You whispered hoarsely.

"Yes," He nodded. "He told me if I hurt you or Sam, or anyone, that he would be the one to hunt me down and kill me."

Your mouth popped open in horror. You could never imagine your sweet, loveable, goofy Dean threatening Jack. "What else did he say, Jack? Did he say anything prior to this?"

"He said that he doesn't think that I can be saved. He said that even though you and Sam think that I can, that he doesn't."

"Jack, you don't need to be saved. There is no saving to do. You are a good kid. You would never do anything to intentionally hurt anyone. I'm so sorry. I should have been there." You sigh.

"He's not wrong, Y/N. I can't be saved. What if I turn out like my father, my real father."

You frowned as you cupped his face in your hands. "Jack, you are nothing, and I mean nothing, like Lucifer. You are just like your mother. You are sweet, caring, and you are empathetic. Just like Kelly."

"You really believe that?" He whispered, tears forming in his eyes.

"No, I don't believe it, Jack. I know it. You are nothing like Lucifer. If anything, you are much more like Castiel."

"Really?" He smiled.

"Yeah," You nodded. "You see, I don't know if you know this, but Cas does this little thing where he tilts his head to the side if he doesn't understand something or if he's perplexed. And I noticed that you do the same thing." Jack's smile widened as you removed your hands from his face. "And neither of you have any knowledge of pop culture. Even though Cas was here for a lot longer than you, he never understood a single reference any of us made. Even if it was something like Scooby Doo." You giggled, feeling your throat tightening at the thought of your dead friend. "And you two state the obvious a lot. Not in a bad way, more in a comedic way. It lightens the mood nearly every time. Cas would rarely smile. When I asked him why, he would say that the world was going to hell and he didn't have anything to smile about. But when he did smile, it would make everyone else smile with him. The same goes for you. Just seeing that little toothy grin of yours makes me smile. I mean hell, you two even look a lot alike."

"Could you tell me more about him?" Jack asked.

"Of course, but I have something to take care of first. Then you and I will cuddle up and watch a movie and I'll tell you everything you want to know about Cas, okay?"

"Yeah, I'd like that." He spoke. "Before you go, could I ask you something?" You nodded. "If I were to have a mother figure, and I called her mom, do you think my mother would be upset?"

"No, sweetheart, I don't think she would be upset. I think that she would be happy that there's someone down here taking care of you and you feel comfortable enough to call them mom." You said, completely oblivious as to what Jack was suggesting.

"Then. . . Could I call you mom?"

You felt the air leave your lungs as his words hit you like a truck. Jack watched as tears welled up in your eyes. Jack was horrified; he had never meant to make you cry. "Yo-you want to call me m-mom?" You stammer.

"If you're not comfortable with it I understand. I'm sorry, Y/N, I-"

You cut him off with a tight embrace. "Of course you can call me mom." You whisper, squeezing the boy tightly.

"Why are you crying?" He questioned.

"These are happy tears, Jack. I'm not upset. It's just. . . I never thought that I would have children, but then you came along, and you gave me what I wanted. You gave me a chance to be a mother."

"Thank you for being here for me, mom."

You gave Jack a huge smile as you pulled away. "Okay," You said, putting a hand on his arm. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to deal with my ass of a husband."

---

"Dean Winchester," You boomed, roaming around the bunker in search for your husband.

"Ooooh, you're in trouble." You hear Sam snicker.

"But I didn't do anything. Wait, what day is it?" Dean asked frantically.

"April ninth." Sam quipped.

"Okay, no birthday, no anniversary, so there's that."

You entered The Dean Cave, as Dean called it, seeing red. "What the hell, Winchester." You growled. "Sam, out. Now."

"You don't have to tell me twice." Sam said, grabbing his bowl of popcorn and walking out of the room.

"Yes, darling, sweetheart, love of my life. What can I do for you?" Dean spoke sweetly, giving you those stupid, green doe eyes.

"Jack told me." You said simply. "He told me what you said to him. That if it comes down to killing him, that you would be the one to do it. That there was no saving him."

"Y/N, you have to understand where I'm coming from." He tried to reason with you. "You should have seen him. He was stabbing himself with a knife! And it closed up like it was nothing! It's not  normal. He's not normal."

"And?! None of us are normal, Dean. We've all died and came back to life. Sam didn't have a soul, he was hooked on demon blood, yet you were still there for him. You still believed in him. You died and became a demon, you bore the Mark of Cain and had a thing for God's friggin sister! And I still loved you through it. I have been brainwashed and manipulated into hurting all of you, and you still forgave me! Cas betrayed us, and we were still there for him. None of us are fucking normal! So what the hell, Dean? You're holding a grudge against Jack just because of who his dad is?"

"His father is Lucifer, Y/N!"

"Well that's stating the goddamn obvious!" You yelled.

"He could turn on us at any moment! We don't know this kid. We don't know what he can do."

"So we learn, Dean! We should help him figure out his way. Guide him in the right direction. Show him what a true, loving family looks like!"

"We are not his family, Y/N! And he's not our family. He never will be." Dean argued.

You flinched back, glaring at Dean. "How dare you! You son of a bitch! Whether you believe it or not, Jack is family. To me and to Sam. We care about him and love him!"

"He doesn't even know what love means!"

"Yes, he does! Because he feels things, Dean. He cares. He cares about all of us, including you. You know, he asked me if he could call me mom today. Did you know that? He trusts me and cares for me so much that he sees me as a mother figure."

"He's got you brainwashed, Y/N! Can't you see that?!"

"If he looked like his actual age, would you be acting like this?"

"What kind of question is that." He scoffed.

"If Jack looked four months old instead of twenty, would you still be treating him like this?" You asked steadily. Dean remained silent. "See! He is four months old, no matter how old he looks, he's still a baby."

"So, what, you want me to change his diaper or some shit?"

"No! I want you to treat him like a human being!" You yelled.

"But he's not human!"

You and Dean stood your ground, neither of you letting up. "Fine. I'm leaving then. And I'm taking Jack with me."

"No, you're not."

"Fucking watch me, Dean. I can't even look at you right now. Because you are not the man I married. That man was compassionate and caring. This one isn't. And until he comes back, I'm staying away." You cried.

Before Dean could get another word out, you left the den. You noticed that Sam was standing in the hallway, giving you a saddened look. "You're really leaving?"

"I'm sorry, Sam." You sobbed. "But I can't be around him right now. And I don't think Jack should be either. We're going to my parents house for a while. And until he gets his shit together, I'm not coming back.

"I know. I don't understand why Dean is acting like this." He mumbled.

"I don't either. It's so unlike him." You agreed.

"So what are you going to tell Jack?"

"Just that we're going to take a little road trip and visit my parents. I don't know, Sam, this whole thing is so strange to me. But I know have to go."

Sam frowned as he pulled you into a hug. "I'm really going to miss you. But you do what you need to do. And if you ever need anything, you call me, okay? I don't care what time of day it is, call me."

"I will." You squeeze Sam tightly. "Thank you for being an amazing brother and best friend." You pulled away, teary eyed as you parted from your brother in law. "I hope to be back soon."

You softly knocked on Jack's door before entering. "Hey, Jack." You smiled.

"Mom!" He said excitedly. "Are we going to watch movies now?"

"Actually, there's been a change of plans. Me and you are going on a road trip to visit my parents."

"Really? Are Sam and Dean coming with us?"

You swallowed hard, a lump forming in your throat. "No, actually. This is a trip just for us. Sam and Dean wanted to stay here just in case they find a case or something that can get Mary back from apocalypse world. So I'm going to help you pack and then we can get on the road."

---

You had sent Jack to your car, having him put everything in the trunk while you finished up things in the bunker. The last thing you grabbed was a machete that belonged to your father before he gave it to you.

"Don't go." A voice whispered. You turned to see Dean, who looked like he had been crying. "Please don't leave."

You swallowed hard, feeling tears rush to your eyes once more. "Will you accept Jack as family?"

"Y/N-" Dean said, exasperated. "He can stayed here but he's not family."

"That's not good enough, Dean. Because I know how you act around people you don't trust."

"You can't force me to trust him." Dean scoffed.

"That's not what I want. I want you to get to know him. I want you to try."

"Y/N. . . I just. . . I can't."

"I think. . . I think we need time apart." You mumbled.

"Y/N, please –"

"Only for a little bit." You assured him. "They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, after all." You gave him a sad smile, trying to control your tears.

You turned to leave before Dean's voice stopped you. "If you leave, then we're over. That's it. Don't bother coming home."

You sighed as you looked back at Dean. You cupped his face in your hands and gave him a slow, sensual kiss. You could feel salty tears on your lips as you memorized how Dean's mouth felt against yours. It was warm and soft. You could taste the remnants whiskey on his breath.

You pulled away slightly, resting your forehead on Dean's. You felt tears streaming down your face as you looked the man you had grown to love over the past ten years. You had been through hell and back, literally. You had lost each other, fell out of love and back in love.

"This isn't goodbye, Dean." You whimpered. "I swear it isn't. I love you with every part of my soul. I'm not choosing Jack over you, okay? I just need time. I need you to wait for me."

"That's all I've ever done, Y/N." Dean shook his head. "I waited on you when you were in relationships, when you were heartbroken, when your sister died, I waited on you to love me back. I'm tired of waiting. I will always love you, and you'll always be with me. You've changed me, and I'm so thankful for it. You've made me a better man. But I can't. . . I can't keep doing this, Y/N." He whispered as he slipped off his wedding band. "This is goodbye." He set the ring in your hand, curling your fingers around it. "Goodbye, sweetheart." He gave you one final kiss. But this one was rough and full of passion. It really was goodbye.

"Dean, please." You cried. He pressed a swift kiss to the crown of your head before leaving you standing alone in the library. Sobs racked through your body as you clutched Dean's ring to your chest. "Please come back." You whispered.

You wiped your face of tears and stuck Dean's ring in your pocket. There would be time for tears later. Right now you just needed to get out of the bunker. As you looked around the library, you realized you had never felt this alone.