#his life and work is complicated and interesting and definitely worth reading up on

[it-may-be-dull-but-im-determined]

Some more context: this installation was displayed at the Tate Modern in London from 2010 - 2011, and also in 2011 Ai Weiwei was finally arrested and detained by the Chinese government after years of controversial art and speaking out against them. He was ostensibly accused of tax fraud but in reality it was considered a response to his critique of the Chinese regime. There was a huge international outcry at the time about his arrest from the US and the EU.

He was also apparently tortured while in detention (it's complicated but that's one reason why this artwork feels even more acute) and has lived and worked abroad in exile since he was finally allowed to leave China again in 2015.

my favorite piece of modern art is Ai Weiwei’s Sunflower Seeds, over one hundred million hand-painted ceramic sunflower seeds made by dozens of craftsmen

[ro-is-struggling]

The Princess and The Wolf || PART 2 || Geralt of Rivia x Reader

Summary: All she wanted was to show Geralt that she could be part of his world, that it was worth putting in the effort to build a future together. He was her true home, the person she belonged to, the one who gave her life purpose, and all she wanted was to share the rest of her life with him. But things were not so simple and the differences that separated them were far too many. 

Warnings: fem!reader, fluff, a bit of jealousy and sexual tension, banter, mentions of blood and canon typical violence, angst at the end, my poor knowledge of the saga probably

English is not my first language

Word count: 15.500

Notes: the part with the hirikka is definitely not there just cause I thought it was cute and I got pissed off when the dude killed it in that episode of season 1, nope, not at all…ALSO the show is not very clear with the whole signs thing so everything that I wrote about them is based off things I read about the games and my own imagination, so sorry if it’s wrong/not true to the story 

PART 1 || PART 3

"I want to go with you."

The words escaped so casually from the young woman's lips that Geralt had to ask her to repeat them to make sure he had heard correctly. It was the middle of the night and he was drifting between consciousness and unconsciousness, feeling the exhaustion of the day weighing on his eyelids, but refusing to give in for some reason. He wasn't expecting to hear those words. In fact, he wasn't expecting to hear her speak at all since he thought she was still asleep, so her voice alarmed him.

"Go with me where?" The witcher mumbled his voice hoarse from sleep. His eyes opened to look at the princess resting beside him, tucked into his chest as her fingers nervously traced the lines of the scars on his chest. 

"I don't know," she shrugged, still not returning his gaze. "Wherever you're heading next."

Geralt frowned slightly.  They had known each other for quite some time. Since he had helped her escape from her family he had shown up countless times at her door, seeking the aid of her healing powers and, more importantly, her company. And in all that time she had never shown any kind of interest in what he did outside the walls of her home. She asked him questions, sure, and constantly scolded him for being "too irresponsible" —her words, not his—, but she had never expressed an interest in joining him on his travels.

That was kind of the point of their implicit agreement, so he didn't really mind that much. She was his secret helper, the motivation that drove him to do his job better. It was all worth it if at the end of a contract he was compensated according to his work and effort and, most importantly, if he had the chance to stop by her house to restore his energy. Geralt had always seen their relationship as sacred, a parallel world in which he could take refuge when things became too complicated or overwhelming. It was why he had never thought of taking her along on one of his trips. And it was also the reason for his surprise at that request.

"Why do you want to come with me?"

The young woman shrugged again and was silent for a moment as she tried to decide on what to answer. It wasn't that she didn't know —she was well aware of the motivations behind her words—, but rather that she wasn't sure if she should express them so openly out loud. 

"That's not an answer, sunshine." Geralt pressed her and she let out a quiet snort. 

"I want to explore the world, see what other options I have. I thought that this place was all I needed, but lately I've been questioning it." She finally said, glancing up to meet Geralt's eyes.

It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the whole truth either. Yes, in the last few months she had found herself questioning her decisions, wondering if perhaps the world had more to offer her. She was happy in her hut, living among nature, away from her family that had hurt her so much. And yet, she couldn't help but feel that she still hadn't found the true purpose of her life. She had managed to free herself from the oppressive clutches of her parents who wanted to impose on her a future she hated, and while that was an achievement in itself, she still couldn't imagine a clear future for herself. Well, actually she could, it just wasn't a very realistic future.

All she wanted was to be with Geralt.

It was something that took her time to accept, partly because she knew it wasn't a good idea. She knew that Geralt was a... complicated man, with an unconventional lifestyle. She also knew that they were almost complete opposites. He was a man of great experience, gained after living years on the continent, and she was a young runaway princess who had lived her entire life controlled by the desires and expectations of others, and only now had the ability to choose and control her destiny. He was cold, calculating, capable of remaining calm even when faced with the worst of dangers, and she was impulsive and sentimental, often feeling things ten times as strongly as the common person. He was quiet and reserved, and used to living a wandering life, while she was cheerful and sociable, and desperate to find a place to belong.

But despite all the things that set them apart, she couldn't help but feel a deep connection to him. And she couldn't ignore the happiness that came over her every time he showed up at her door or the loneliness that haunted her when he left. Her days were miserable when she was alone, her mind always finding a way to focus on him again. She spent her time wondering where he was and what he was doing, worrying about his safety and health. She often wondered if he was also thinking about her and if he missed her as much as she missed him. 

Waiting for his return was an agony that became more difficult the more time they spent together. The more she got to know Geralt, the more she fell in love and the more it pained her to see him go. The few days he used to spend at her home were no longer enough for her. She wanted to be with him at all times, to learn more about his world, to join him in his adventures, to be more than a refuge away from his daily reality. She wanted to share her life with him, and for him to share his life with her. 

"I thought you liked it here." Geralt's voice brought her out of her thoughts. 

"I do!" She was quick to reply. "I just... I'm not sure this is what I want for my future. I feel like there's a lot more out there for me to explore..." She trailed off, struggling to find the words to explain her feelings without revealing too much.

"And what makes you think that coming with me will help you find what you're looking for?" Geralt asked her and she shrugged again.

"It's a start. You travel all over the continent, what better way to explore the world than by being by your side?"

"I don't think it's a good idea, sunshine." The witcher sighed. Her eyes reflected the pain those words awakened in her and he felt horrible for saying them, but he knew it was for the best. The road, his way of life, was not meant for someone like her.

"Why not?" she murmured, barely containing the pout that was trying to form in her sad expression.

"Because it's too dangerous. I don't just travel the continent, I fight evil, dangerous creatures. I cant do my job if I'm worried about your safety."

"I'm not asking you to let me fight with you, I'm asking you to let me tag along and explore the world with you. I don't have to be near any kind of danger."

"Well, that's what Jaskier always says and he always gets dragged into danger."

"Would it help if I promised to keep my distance and always listen to you and follow your orders?" She looked at Geralt with an innocent face, batting her eyelashes and pouting to try to convince him. She looked so adorable that it was honestly hard for him to refuse her.

"He always says that too." He countered with a half smile that widened slightly at the sight of her annoyed frown. She always looked pretty when she was angry, that was the reason why most of the time he didn't listen to her scolding —he always got lost in her beauty.

"Why are you being so mean?" She accused him, sitting on the bed with her arms folded and a look of dismay.

"I'm not being mean, I'm being careful and protecting you."

"Well, did it ever occur to you that maybe I don’t need your protection?"

Geralt was silent for a moment, admiring her face in the dim light. He knew he was exaggerating, that it was entirely possible for her to travel with him without anything bad happening to her. But it was also possible that things could go wrong and that alone was enough to bring up his fear of losing her. His work —and his life itself— was somewhat unpredictable at times. He didn't always choose when to confront evil creatures. Sometimes he crossed paths with one by pure coincidence and there was nothing he could have done to avoid it. He had a moral obligation to act in such situations, so danger always lurked, following in his footsteps closely, waiting for the most opportune moment to attack. Geralt was used to it, it was his daily reality, the only one he had ever known - since his life before his transformation was not even a distant memory in his mind. 

But it was not her reality. She had lived in a castle for most of her life and was only now beginning to be completely independent. She was not prepared for the kind of danger that a witcher's life entailed. Her little knowledge of medicinal and healing magic could not protect her. And if he failed at that too... Geralt didn't even want to think about it. 

"Maybe," he said, in a calm voice, "but I need to protect you... I need to know that you're alright."

Her gaze softened as a warm sensation ran through her body. The sincerity in his voice made her want to smile. He cared about her, about her safety and well-being. He needed her. He sought to protect her because he didn't want to lose her and that was reason enough for her heart to race and her eyes to fill with illusion.

"I know you do and I appreciate it." She spoke, voice soft and posture relaxed. She reached up to stroke his cheek, gently moving a lock of hair from his face so she could look into his eyes. Geralt leaned into her touch in an almost imperceptible movement, unable to resist the warm caress of her fingers. "Everything that I have, I owe it to you. You helped me be free and I trust you with my life, not just to protect me but to guide me... to help me find my way. There is really no other person I could ask for something like this... there is no one I trust more than I trust you."

And just like that, the discussion was over. All Geralt had to do was look into her eyes —those beautiful warm eyes that brought him so much comfort and happiness— and he lost all ability to fight. His own thoughts and worries were replaced by the need to make her happy. All he wanted was to see that sparkle in her eyes and know that he was the cause of it, the reason she was smiling. How could he refuse her requests when she looked at him with such illusion as she spoke those sweet words to him? He was willing to do anything to make her happy, even if it meant throwing caution to the wind.

"You have to promise that you will never leave my sight and that you will do what I say without question."

The young woman's face lit up immediately, a big smile playing across her lips as she looked at the witcher with wide open eyes. She looked like a child who had gotten her wish fulfilled. "Is that a yes?"

Geralt sighed with resignation and nodded his head. She let out a squeal of delight and rushed over to hug him as she repeated over and over how grateful and happy she was with his decision. A small, subtle smile tugged at his lips, feeling that comforting warmth run through his body as he breathed in the scent of her hair. He was worried about what might happen, but for the moment that didn't matter. All that mattered was the warmth of her body against his and the kiss she planted on his cheek as a thank you. She was happy and that made it all worth it.

"Just don't make me regret it." He warned her and she shook her head.

"I promise I'll be good. You won't regret this, Geralt."

Geralt wouldn't say he regretted his decision completely, but he couldn't say he was happy either. He had greatly underestimated how difficult it would be to travel with her getting distracted every time she saw a pretty bird fly overhead and complaining about the long journey that never seemed to end —she didn't seem to realize that her presence had a lot to do with the slowness of their journey. She wasn't holding up her end of the bargain completely either, which made Geralt worry more than usual about every step he took. While she listened to his directions and stayed in place when he instructed her to, she also took advantage of any moments of distraction —usually when he slept— to wander around the forest alone and without carrying a weapon to protect herself.

It wasn't all bad, though. Yes, she drove him mad with her songs to nature and her need to stop every time they came across a wounded animal, but Geralt couldn't deny that a part of him loved that about her. He loved seeing the smile that appeared on her face when a deer crossed her path or the sparkle in her eyes as she admired the sun setting over the river. There was an innocence in her attitude that captivated him. An amazement at the world around her that was so foreign to him, and yet so charming. After living so many years on the continent, he could not imagine experiencing such a fascination with the world. He admired it in a way, it reminded him of a time long ago, of a life he thought was buried in the darkness of his memory. It was part of her charm, part of the reason he couldn't seem to get away from her. She awakened the good in him, a light he thought he had lost after undergoing the mutations that turned him into the witcher he was today.

So, as much as he panicked every time she got too far away from him, he still wouldn't change a thing. Everything that made him groan in the daytime was worth it when she would curl up against him in front of the campfire at night, resting her head on his shoulder as she let the calm of the forest soothe her to sleep. It was actually embarrassing how much time Geralt spent admiring her beauty under the moonlight, watching her sleep peacefully curled up next to him as if she were the most beautiful piece of art he had ever seen. There was something about nature and the outdoors that awakened a special glow in her, a magnetic aura that kept him from taking his eyes off her. So he stayed awake at night longer than he should, watching her sleep while his mind was lost in thought. 

She was the last thing he saw before falling asleep, the last thing he thought about and dreamed about. Every night Geralt would give her a kiss on the forehead before settling down beside her. It was quick and soft so as not to disturb her sleep, but he needed it to know that she was real, that someone so wonderful had decided to follow him in his dark and tumultuous life. Every night, the witcher went to sleep thinking about her, how lucky he was to have her by his side and how important she was to him. He thought of the dangers that surrounded him and silently wished that nothing bad would ever happen to her. That was one of the recurring nightmares he had, returning one night to her hut and not finding her there. The idea of her relationship with him being what would ultimately lead to her demise haunted him.

Not being there to protect her from the evils of the continent was one of his greatest worries. Losing her was his greatest fear. So when he opened his eyes in the morning and did not find her by his side he jumped up as panic began to take over his body. He called her name several times, his voice echoing in the emptiness of the forest, but he got no response other than the sound of fluttering birds fleeing in fear of the disturbance. Geralt was preparing to set out to hunt whatever it was that had taken her, when the wind brought the melodious sound of her voice to his ears. He followed it through the trees and bushes, feeling his nerves calm as he listened to her laughter. She wasn't in danger, she was just being careless, as usual.

"Geralt!" she exclaimed with a smile as she looked up to meet her companion's white hair sticking out among the green bushes. "Thank the gods that you are here, I need you to help me move him."

The witcher looked at her in confusion for a moment, until he looked down at her lap where a badly wounded creature rested. But it wasn't just any creature, it was a hirikka that looked at him with big yellow eyes full of terror. From the size of the beast, Geralt guessed it was just a puppy, and since it wasn't attacking anyone he assumed it was well fed —though his benevolence could very well be just the effect of the young princess on the creature since she tended to have a special relationship with animals. Still, it had been careless of her to approach the animal, especially while he slept. If the creature had been adult and hungry, it could have been very dangerous for her.

"Don't look at me like that," she said before Geralt could open his mouth. He didn't need to speak to let her know what he thought of her actions, she could read it in his face. "His cries of pain woke me up and I just couldn't leave him to suffer."

"So you walked away from the camp and tended to the wounds of a dangerous creature without bothering to even wake me up?"

"Oh he could never hurt me! Look at those big, adorable eyes! He wouldn't hurt a fly, would you baby?" she excused herself, petting the hirikka's head as if it were a dog.

"He could have hurt you if he was hungry." the witcher huffed, unable to believe he was having such a conversation.

"He's a baby, Geralt, and it's wounded. I'm pretty sure I can defend myself from a wounded animal."

"That's not the point. You risked your life wandering into the woods like that!"

"I'm fine!" She dismissed his concerns, completely oblivious to the panic that swept through him when he woke up without her by his side. "Now help me move him, we need to get him to the mountain."

"What?"

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but hirikkas usually live around the mountains, right?" Geralt nodded, already guessing where the young woman's argument was headed. "That means that this poor little thing is far from home. He probably came here for food and then got lost and wounded. We need to find his family so they can protect him."

"Hirikkas are a really rare species, what makes you think he even has a family in the first place?"

"Well, he's young he has to have someone taking care of him." She said as it was obvious causing Geralt to roll his eyes. 

"We passed the mountains two days ago, we can't just go back to search for a group of creatures that may not even be there in the first place."

"We can't leave him here alone either, he will die! You said it yourself, hirikkas are a rare species, if someone finds him they're definitely going to kill him!"

"Sunshine, we can't…"

"Please! We don't even have to get him to the mountains, just close enough for his family to hear his cries." She looked up at him with glassy eyes and a pout on her lips. How could he refuse her wishes when she looked so adorable and vulnerable? It was a waste of time, but he didn't have the heart to tell her that. She was too pure, too good for this world. 

He knew how much she cared for the animals, the urge she felt to help them. According to the things she had told him about her life, the woods surrounding her old home had been her refuge. She hid there to escape the orders and hurtful comments of her family, finding more support in the wild rabbits and deers than in the people who lived in her castle. It was also the place where she had discovered her magical healing skills and the only place where she tended to use them. She had a deep connection with nature and Geralt knew there would be no convincing her to leave the animal alone to its fate.

"We'd have to backtrack two days of travel." He tried to reason with her, a last resort to see if he could get her to change her mind.

"You don't have to come if you don't want to, just help me load him on the horse and I'll go by myself. You can go to the village and wait for me there."

"I'm not leaving you out here alone!" Geralt firmly stated. Then he let out a sigh of defeat. "You stay here, I'll go find Roach."

He made his way back to Roach mumbling to himself, unable to believe he had agreed to waste time backtracking his steps to help an injured animal. It was sad, yes, but normally he wouldn't stop for it. It's the law of nature. You are born, you grow, you reproduce and eventually you die. There was no point in worrying about things that were out of one's control. 

But she cared. Even if it was an animal that inspired terror in most people. Even if it was a small, insignificant creature that no one would miss, she would. She still talked about the rodent she once rescued from the clutches of a hungry owl as if it was one of the greatest accomplishments of her life. She cared about everyone, even when no one seemed to care about her —her family had stopped looking for her long ago and her subjects had not been saddened by the news. She cared, and that was enough for him to care too.

"What am I doing?" muttered Geralt to himself as he adjusted the horse's saddle. "Wasting days of travel just for a wounded animal." Roach snorted, shaking her head and tugging at the reins in the witcher's hands. He took a moment to pet the animal, letting out an airy chuckle. "I know, I know, she's worth it." He added before setting off down the path to where she stood waiting for him. She had won yet again.

“Oh stop being so grumpy! It wasn’t that bad.” She exclaimed, playfully nudging at his shoulder in an attempt to get a smile out of the witcher. He had been silent for hours now, communicating with her through grunts and frowns. Sure, the rain that had caught them in the middle of their journey wasn't ideal, but at least they were close to town when the first drops began to fall from the sky. "For a person who lives on the road, you don't seem too used to riding in a little rain."

"I am, I just find it annoying when we weren't supposed to be out in the rain in the first place." Geralt grumbled and she smiled, happy that he was back to communicating verbally.

"You don't know that, something else could have slowed us down along the way."

"Yes, probably another wounded animal." he mumbled to himself, though she heard him anyway and gave him a punch in the shoulder that probably hurt her more than it hurt him.

"We saved a vulnerable creature from a terrible fate, you should be proud of that!" She insisted, pushing open the doors of the inn where they had stopped for shelter.

The warmth from the interior suddenly hit her, embracing her wet skin and making her realize how cold she really was. The cloak she'd worn to protect herself from the water didn't do much given the force of the storm, but she would never admit that to Geralt - to do so would mean agreeing with him and she wasn't about to do that, not in that at least. The inn's common room was full of people, some wet and tired like them, others dancing and singing, no doubt after having had a few too many drinks. There was a fireplace in the center of the room that provided warmth and illumination. Her eyes were lost in the glowing flames for a moment, wishing she could get closer to the fire to keep the cold from chilling her bones. But she gave Geralt a quick glance and knew she couldn't do that, not without him smiling victoriously at her. So instead she decided to approach who seemed to be the owner of the place to get a room.

"You stay here, he's not going to give us a room if he sees that look on your face." she said, disappearing into the sea of people before Geralt could defend himself against her comment —although he was fairly certain she had a point.

The inn owner seemed to be a kind man, though he looked overwhelmed with the number of visitors he was receiving. Apparently the storm had brought with it more people than usually passed through those roads and the man and his helpers struggled to accommodate them all. He was running from place to place, checking the available rooms at every turn and chasing after his workers to escort people to their quarters. The waitresses were also overworked, navigating the crowds of people to bring jars of beer and plates of warm food to the tables full of cold people. Taking a closer look at the state of the place made her begin to fear that she might not find an available room. She had no idea how far it would be to the next inn, but even if it was a couple of feet away, it would be too far for the heavy rain falling from the sky. If they had to go out and get wet again, she would have to put up with Geralt's scowl for the rest of the night and as cute as he looked when he was angry, she didn't feel like listening to his complaints.

“Letha! Could you please check if room ten is still available?” The man shouted, calling out to his maid, when she asked if they still had any rooms available. "I'm sorry, it'll just be a moment."

"Busy night, huh?" She tried to make small talk, finding the silence too uncomfortable to bear.

"Yeah, it's a miracle! I haven't had the place this crowded in a long time."

"Why not? It's a beautiful place."

"There have been strange happenings going on in this part of town that affected businesses like mine." The man explained with some sadness and insecurity in his voice. It was subtle, but enough to peak his curiosity. So she continued to question him in hopes that he would share more of that mystery with her.

"There have been strange disappearances, people vanishing into thin air leaving almost no trace of their passage through these lands. At first they were just travelers, so no one really noticed or cared, myself included. Until it started to happen a lot more frequently. Every couple of days someone would find some traveler's belongings scattered along the road leading out of town, but no trace of the person. Eventually word spread and travelers stopped using this road to come into town and both my business and neighboring ones were severely affected."

"Do you know what it is that is causing these disappearances? Do you have any theories?"

"People say the road is cursed, I've heard people talk about an evil witch and others claim it's a punishment from the gods, but no one knows what's really going on. The rest of the town doesn't believe us much either, so the mayor doesn't do anything about it."

"He's going to pay for that mistake," a waitress interrupted the conversation, leaving the empty tray on the counter as she leaned over the wood to join the conversation. "It's getting worse. Now that there's no more travelers, people from the town are starting to disappear. If he doesn't believe us now, he will soon."

The young princess wanted to continue investigating, but before she could ask about the recent disappearances, the maid returned to tell her that room ten was ready for use. She thanked her and paid for the night using the money she had earned selling her goods at the fair in the village where she lived. It was her way of compensating Geralt for the inconvenience caused without having to admit to his face that he was right.

"We have a room for the night, can you please change your attitude now?" She announced when she returned to him.

Despite her request, Geralt's frown became more prominent. Only this time his eyes were not on her, but on something that had caught his attention over her shoulder. She looked at him with a strange look on her eyes, but before she could ask him what it was that was bothering him now, she felt the weight of a hand on her shoulder. Turning, she met the face of a curly-haired man that had the most beautiful hazel eyes she had ever seen. He was cute, she thought, so she offered him a smile.

He introduced himself as Arlan, not wasting a second before showing his true intentions as he made a subtle bow while kissing the back of her hand in a flirtatious manner. He mentioned something about her beauty - how he had noticed her as soon as she walked through the doors since she lit up the room with her smile or something like that - a corny line, but one that could have been effective were it not for the fact that her heart already belonged to someone else. The man invited her to dine with him in a very respectful manner, and a part of her was tempted to accept his offer. After all, she wasn't used to receiving that kind of attention. But before she could utter a sound, Geralt cleared his throat behind her back to make himself noticed.

"She can't, she's busy. Goodbye." He answered for her in a much more serious and intimidating tone than usual. He fixed his gaze on the man, looking at him with that intimidating look he gave when he wanted to make sure no one bothered him. His yellow eyes flared with anger, his brow furrowed in annoyance. It didn't take long before the man fled in fright, muttering something about rescheduling for another time with no real conviction in his voice.

"Geralt!" the young woman turned to deliver a punch on his shoulder. "That wasn't very nice of you! Why did you do that?"

"He was being annoying, so I made him leave."

"No he wasn't, he was being nice and polite." She crossed her arms, looking at the witcher with confusion. She had never seen him act like this before. Grumpy and bitter, sure, hundreds of times, but there was something different about the way he reacted. He had been too quick to dismiss the man, speaking through gritted teeth as if he was holding back the urge to separate his head from his neck. It made no sense, the poor guy was just flirting with her, no reason to spark such a reaction from Geralt.

Unless...

"Is that jealousy I detect in those intimidating yellow eyes?" She laughed and Geralt let out a snort. "Are you jealous? Were you afraid I was going to leave you for him?" She was partially joking, taking the opportunity to tease him and see if she could get a smile out of him, but she couldn't deny that the mere possibility of that being true made her heart beat rapidly in her chest.

"I'm not jealous, I'm protecting you from a bastard that wants nothing more than to defile your honor."

"He didn't seem like a bastard to me."

"We were outside in the pouring rain, sunshine. You're soaking wet and your clothes stick to your body leaving nothing to the imagination. That's all he saw when you walked into the room, not your smile or whatever lie he told."

Geralt didn't want to sound mean, but the truth was that she could be very innocent at times. She was unaware of the effect she had on others, especially when it came to physical attraction. Geralt saw the way men looked at her and didn't like it one bit. But she didn't usually notice those details, which made him want to protect her even more.

She wanted to scold him, but he gave her no chance as he took her by the arm and dragged her through the crowd to their room. The moment the door closed behind them, Geralt instructed her to take off her wet clothes before she got sick. She let out a giggle as she took off her wet cloak, telling him that he should at least invite her to eat before asking her to do something like that. 

"I mean, at least Arlan was willing to do that." She joked and Geralt gave her an unamused look.

"You know what I meant."

"Yes, and I just made a joke. Lighten up a bit! You know it won't kill you to smile, right?" The witcher replied by tossing her the bag with the extra clothes she had brought, giving her a last glance before starting to change himself.

The young princess's eyes admired his naked torso for longer than was appropriate. She was used to seeing him like this, but she could never get used to the tingling in her stomach when she noticed the way the muscles in his back and arms flexed when he moved. It left her completely stupid for a few seconds, mind malfunctioning as the images of his body occupied the full capacity of her thoughts. She noticed the water droplets sliding down his skin, traveling down his scars until they disappeared at the line of his pants. That gave her the urge to reach out to touch him, to trace those lines with her own fingers, but the sound of Geralt clearing his throat brought her out of her trance.

With her face burning with embarrassment, the young woman blurted out a quick comment about how well the last wound she had treated was healing. It was a stupid excuse and not at all believable, but it was better than admitting that she lost her mind every time he took off his shirt. He knew she was lying. She knew he knew she was lying. But she didn't give him time to react, grabbing her clothes and disappearing for a much needed bath.

Geralt stood alone in the room, staring at the wood of the door with a small smile plastered on his face. She looked adorable when she was flustered and he was proud to be the reason behind it. It was a kind of vindication that put his jealousy to rest after having to endure the audacity of that man and her teasing in response. The unspoken thing they shared wasn't just in his head. She only had eyes for him, just as he only had eyes for her.

It was rather twisted of him to want her so much when he knew he couldn't –or rather, shouldn't— have her. Geralt knew that nothing good could come from him following his feelings. They were not meant to be together, they were far too different, with far too opposite lives. He would only end up hurting her either physically, putting her life at risk because of his profession, or emotionally, when reality would explode the fantasy bubble and force them to face it. He was not meant to settle down in one place and live a calm and happy life. Maybe at some point in the distant past he was, long before he went through the mutation process that had turned him into the witcher he was now. But he had accepted long ago that that life, the possibilities and paths he could have taken, had died the moment the mutations began to change his body. It made no sense to duel in the past, to fight against nature to force something that was impossible. It was a waste of time and energy.

Geralt had lived by that principle most of his life. However, when it came to her he couldn't help but wonder what would happen if he decided to stay, if he left everything behind to follow his heart. Intoxicated by the scent of her hair and enraptured by the sound of her laughter it was easy to lose himself in the fantasy that they had a future together, that their relationship could be more than fleeting visits and late night escapes to avoid facing the reality of the mornings. He would have to be extra careful on this trip, control his emotions so as not to give in to the fantasy.

By the time she returned, Geralt was waiting for her with a tray of food resting on the small table in the center of the room. There were two plates of steaming stew, some bread, and two jars of ale. She smiled at the gesture, feeling warmth spreading through her body from her stomach as she approached Geralt. 

"What is this?" She asked him, sitting down in the free chair to better inspect the food.

"I thought we'd be more comfortable eating here, away from all the noise and the people walking around." He explained as he brought the jar of beer to his mouth. She looked at him for a moment, studying his face with her eyes before letting out a chuckle. "What?"

"You really don't want me around that man, huh?" He looked at her, but didn't answer, though she didn't need him to know the answer to her question. "It's a shame because now we won't get to hear the stories about this place and the details about the job I found for you."

"What job?"

She smiled at his curiosity and proceeded to tell him what little she had managed to get out of the inn owner about the strange disappearances threatening the village. They discussed the details as they ate, debating whether there would be any veracity to the man's claims or if they were all bullshit. She felt proud of herself for having been the one to discover the problem, happy to be able to show Geralt that her presence was not completely useless. 

She could get used to his life, be more than his healer. She needed some time to get used to his rhythms, but she could be useful. She could get used to anything to be by his side, to share more than a couple of days with him and then miss him for months. If this trip had proven anything, it was that no matter where they were, she would always feel at home if Geralt was by her side. He was her true home, the place where she belonged. She had been going mad looking for her purpose, her place in the world, when in reality she had already found it. It was to be by Geralt's side, to heal him and protect him from all evil. He was the piece she was missing, the only one capable of filling the emptiness that weighed her down. She wanted to be with him, she needed him to feel complete, and she was willing to do anything to show Geralt that a future together was possible, that she could adapt to live in his world.

Another disappearance occurred that same night while the town slept, but no one heard about it until the next morning, after the storm had passed. Geralt spent the day listening to the stories and opinions of anyone willing to speak on the subject, which, honestly, were more than he expected. Having his sweet princess by his side helped people open up to him. Normally he used to appear too intimidating, but with her by his side everything was easier. She was so kind and caring when talking to people that no one could refuse to answer her questions. Geralt found it comforting to know that he was not the only one unable to resist her charms.

They were talking to a waitress about the rumors she had heard when a woman entered the inn. She immediately caught Geralt's attention because she looked visibly distressed. Her voice was muffled and in her trembling hands she held a cloth handkerchief that she used to wipe away the tears that streamed down her cheeks. Apparently she knew the owner of the inn because she asked to speak to him personally and burst into tears in his arms when the answer to her question was negative. Geralt gestured to the young princess and they approached them to find out if the woman's grief had anything to do with their little investigation.

"Is there anything we can do to help?" She said in a soft tone so as not to upset the poor woman even more.

"Her son is missing." The innkeeper explained to them as he tried to calm the woman's desperate crying with gentle caresses on her back. "He went out last night and never came back home. She's been asking around town and nobody has seen him."

"Is it possible that he got lost in the storm?" Geralt asked and the man shook his head, assuring him that the young man was a skilled traveler and tracker who knew the town like the back of his hand.

"It was her! I told him it wasn't wise to go out... let someone else take care of her... but he didn't listen." The woman spoke between sobs emerging from the innkeeper's arms to wipe her tears with her handkerchief.

"I'm sorry, her? There was a woman?" The princess asked and the woman nodded her head. She then proceeded to tell them about her son's last moments.

Apparently he was sheltering their farm animals from the storm when he noticed a young woman standing in the rain. She had long, jet black hair that clung to her pale skin from the water. Her dress was dirty and had the edges of the skirt in shreds, as if she had been running through the forest and the fabric had been torn by branches and bushes. She looked lost and out of place, so the young man felt the need to help her. Her mother had objected to him inviting her to spend the night at their house, acting cautiously since rumors of the mysterious disappearances had only grown in recent months. So the young man told her that he would just make sure she was all right and accompany her to an inn for the night. She watched them disappear into the darkness from her kitchen window and that was the last contact she had with her son.

"I knew something was wrong." The woman sobbed. "She was just standing there in the rain, like she was waiting for someone to pass by and fall for her trap. I should have stopped him, I should have done more." The princess patted her shoulder in support, trying to do something to make the woman feel better —even though she knew nothing she could do or say would ease the pain of a mother worried about her child.

"You are a witcher, isn't there something that you can do?" The innkeeper asked and the woman looked at him with a glimmer of hope in her eyes. It was clear that she was so distressed that she had not been able to recognize the clear details that indicated that the big, strong man in front of her was not an ordinary human.

"I don't have much, but I can talk to my neighbors, the other people affected by this creature, everybody who believes it's a threat to the town and find a way to pay for your service... anything to find my boy and make sure this doesn't happen again."

Geralt named his price before the woman ran out of there to round up her neighbors, though he would have taken care of the problem even if they didn't pay him for his services. He then set out to walk through the town, visiting some of the places that had been mentioned by the locals in search of evidence, though he had a good idea what it was that was haunting the locals. The princess followed him closely, remaining surprisingly silent for a long time. She wanted to give him space to work, to let him concentrate and do whatever it was he needed to do to help the villagers. But after spending several minutes in silence, she could no longer contain her curiosity.

"So, what do you think?" She eventually asked him as they walked down the road where most of the disappearances had occurred, just outside of town. "Any theories about what this thing is?"

"For what they describe, I'm almost certain it is a Bruxa." The witcher replied, leaning over the ground to inspect possible footprints. "And it has to have a refugee nearby."

"A Bruxa?" She repeated with a slight frown of confusion. She had never heard that term before. Truth be told, she had never heard of most of the creatures Geralt told her about. Her kingdom was small, quiet, they didn't usually have attacks from beasts of that nature. And if they did, her parents didn't tell her about it. In her kingdom magic and everything related to it were frowned upon, hence she had learned about her abilities from a servant girl who taught her in secret from everyone. From what she understood, magic ran in the family's blood —although it tended to skip generations—, but it had always brought trouble and misfortune, so it had been forbidden in the kingdom, leaving her completely alienated and unaware of the best stories and legends the continent had to offer.

"It's a type of vampire, very powerful, that usually takes the form of a dark haired young woman to lure people into its trap."

"So you know how to kill it? I mean, of course you know how to kill it, what am I saying!"

Geralt bit back a smile. "Silver does the trick, but we need to find it first."

He explained that they usually lived away from large conglomerations of people as a form of protection, but the fact that she always attacked on the same road made him think that she must be taking refuge nearby. So they wandered through the forest surrounding the road to the village, looking for any sign that might indicate the bruxa's whereabouts. But the creature was clever, it knew how to cover its tracks, so they spent most of the day walking around and only found a couple of drops of blood and drag marks that led them nowhere. Suddenly, the princess understood how she had managed to go unnoticed for so long. If she hadn't talked to the locals and listened to the sobs of that desperate mother, she wouldn't believe that anything out of the ordinary was going on there.

"I think we are not being smart about this." She broke the silence as her patience began to wear thin. "We are never going to find her like this."

"What do you suggest we do?" Geralt inquired, partially intrigued by whatever it was she had in mind. It was interesting for him to work with her. Usually he did things alone, but her naive curiosity and sweet kindness provided a different look that changed his usual patterns.

"We know she's going to attack again, right? So we just have to make sure we are there next time to stop her."

"We can't predict who she will stack next."

"No, but we can lure her out of hiding... bring the food out here to her to tempt her and hopefully force her to make a mistake."

"So, you're saying we should use someone as bait?" Geralt looked at her with a raised eyebrow. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't surprised by her words, she didn't seem like the type of person who was willing to put others at risk for a greater good. Granted, he was going to be there the whole time and wouldn't let anything bad happen, but still, he couldn't believe that idea had come from the same young woman who had made him backtrack days of travel to help an injured animal find his family.

"Not someone. Me." She said almost casually, preparing to meet the witcher's firm refusal. He looked at her for a moment, thinking she was playing some kind of joke on him that he didn't find funny. But when he saw the determination in her eyes he had to intervene.

"Absolutely not! It's too dangerous." His tone was serious as was his gaze, a way of letting her know that this time he would not give in. 

"What other choice do we have? Wait for it to kill someone else? Wander aimlessly around the woods for eternity?" She tried to reason with him. They had been walking around there for hours without much success and, while this was not something she did often, she suspected that things would not improve even if they kept looking. The bruxa was smart and wasn't going to let herself be found easily. Waiting for her to attack again was not an option either. Geralt was just one man and there was too much ground to cover. And there was no way to predict who her next victim would be. If they wanted to end this quickly they would have to force her out of hiding.

"I'm not using you as bait, sunshine." Geralt growled.

"Well, we can't risk the lives of the people in town and you can't be the bait either because she will know what you are. I don't see any other option, Geralt."

"I'm not going to risk your life for this, forget it."

"My life would not be at risk, not with you there. I trust you, probably more than I should." She tried to joke to ease the tension in the air, but Geralt did not laugh. His eyes softened, however, touched by her faith in him. It warmed his heart to notice the admiration in her eyes, the way she looked at him as if she was sure he could handle anything. It meant a lot to him that she trusted him with her life, but he couldn't help thinking that part of her did it because she was too innocent and unaware of the real risks his profession entailed. That was the only way she could be volunteering for such a task.

"Sunshine..." Geralt's voice became softer, a subtle plea for her to reconsider her stance.

"I want to do it. I want to help you... I want to help the people in town." She bit her tongue to keep from blurting out what she really wanted to say. More than anything else, she wanted to prove herself and show Geralt that his life was not incompatible with hers. Maybe she would need some training, but there was a place for her in Geralt's world. She knew it now and hoped she could prove it to him.

Geralt looked at her and once again knew he couldn't refuse her. He hated the way she was able to convince him of anything with a simple look. All she had to do was bat her eyelashes and he would fall surrendered at her feet, willing to do anything she wanted. 

"If we're going to do this, I need you to promise me that you'll listen to everything I say." the witcher sighed, defeated. "And I mean it this time. If I tell you to run, you run. If I tell you to hide, you hide. Is that clear?" She nodded, but that wasn't enough for him. Several times in the past she had promised the same thing and failed to deliver. He needed to make sure she understood the gravity of the situation. "I mean it, sunshine, there is no room for error in this."

The young princess then took one of Geralt's hands between her own. He was much larger than she was so that she had to use both of her hands in order to completely envelop one of his. She gave it a light squeeze and looking into his eyes as she said, "I promise to follow your every order this time."

It wasn't enough to loosen the knot that had formed in the witcher's stomach, but it was a start.

She lost count of how many times she had tossed and turned in bed since she went to sleep. They had a long day ahead of them tomorrow, so Geralt decided it would be best to get a good night's sleep. She had agreed with him, especially since she felt tired after the long walk through the forest they had taken. But the moment her head hit the pillow, sleep disappeared from her body. She still felt tired —the muscles in her legs complained from the exercise and her eyelids were heavy as if she hadn't blinked for hours—, yet she was unable to fall asleep. It was as if her own mind was refusing to rest, seeking to punish her for who knows what.

She was surprised that Geralt hadn't complained about her restlessness already. He was a light sleeper and usually the slightest movement would wake him up. Several times in the past she had earned grunts of annoyance and even forced hugs for her inability to sit still, but when she turned once more to look at him she noticed that he had his eyes closed and his breathing was relaxed. She could see half of his face thanks to the moonlight coming through the window, illuminating his features and making him look softer than usual. She always loved to watch him sleep. There were not many occasions when she had the opportunity to do so since she was always the one who fell asleep first. But on the rare occasions when he did fall asleep first, she loved to admire him in silence as he rested. There was something so special and intimate about it-the way his chest moved up and down with his soft breathing, how his features relaxed completely beneath the unruly strands of white hair that clung to his face-she simply couldn't take her eyes off him.

It usually brought her peace to see him sleeping so peacefully. She fought the heaviness of her eyelids as much as she could, wanting to take advantage of every second of those moments to admire his beauty in a way she couldn't when he was awake, but eventually sleep always got the better of her. Just looking at him being so comfortable and relaxed next to her was enough to silence any voice in her mind that deprived her of her sleep. So she turned her attention back to the man lying to her left in the hope that it would help her sleep as it always did. She ran her eyes over his face, admiring the way his eyelashes almost caressed his cheeks, tracing the shape of his nose and cheek bone. Down his defined jawline to his neck and then she became distracted by the scars that adorned his body. She had them memorized after healing his wounds for so long, to the point that she didn't need the moonlight to fully shine on his chest to locate them on his skin. Even in the dark she could visualize them in her mind.

Her eyes focused on the scar that adorned his collarbone. A long, thin line was all that remained of the deep cut she had had to heal. Her finger traced the textured skin as her mind was lost in the memories of that night. It wasn't the worst state he had been in when he had shown up at her door, but still his wounds were quite deep. She had first had to clean the blood that covered his chest in order to find them all. 

She liked Geralt's scars. Not only were they a part of him that she couldn't picture him without, but they were also a physical representation of his history. He carried imprinted on his skin the moments they had shared together, an indelible sign that marked her passage through the witcher's life. And every time she saw them, she couldn't help but remember those moments.

“You can't sleep either, huh?” Geralt's hoarse voice took her by surprise, snapping her out of her thoughts. When she looked up she met the witcher's amber eyes watching her curiously. A cheeky smile formed on his lips as he noticed her embarrassment at being caught in that position. She removed her hand from his chest as if his skin was burning her fingers, feeling the blood from his body travel up to pool in her cheeks. Geralt had to restrain the urge to put her hand back where it was, already missing the gentle caress of her fingers on his skin.

"No." She replied in a small voice, refusing to look up to meet his face.

There were a few seconds of silence before Geralt spoke again. "Are you scared for tomorrow?"

"I don't know if scared would be exactly the word I would use, but certainly nervous. I guess, I don't really know what to expect and that makes me feel weird... but I want to do it, so you can't convince me otherwise." she hurried to say to make sure Geralt knew she was strong and determined.

The witcher sighed and there was another moment of silence before she worked up the courage to speak again, this time looking up to meet his eyes. "Are you? Scared, I mean."

“I suppose it worries me that you may get hurt in the fight.”

"Well, don't be. Everything will be fine, you are going to kill the bruxa and nothing bad will happen to me or the people in town." She tried to reassure him, giving him a small smile. Geralt appreciated the gesture, but wished things were that simple. 

"It's not as simple as that." He sighed, reaching up to brush a strand of her hair away from her face so he could get a good look at her in the dim moonlight. "Things can escalate really quickly and go wrong... I'm not invincible, sunshine. It happened to me before and it cost the life of a princess too."

A sudden sadness came into Geralt's eyes. He was looking at her, but it was as if he was looking right through her as he got lost in thought. She wondered what kind of memories were flooding his mind. He never told her about that story and she couldn't help but be curious. She wanted to ask him if he wanted to talk about it, but regretted it at the last minute, choosing to comfort him rather than question him.

"I'm not completely useless, you know? Back at the castle they taught me to defend myself."

"Not from these creatures, sunshine." She could sense the concern in his voice. It warmed her heart to know that he cared so much about her. It almost made her want to give up, just to bring some peace to his troubled mind. But she couldn't, she had to prove herself, prove she could do it.

Reaching out, she let her fingers trace the line of his cheek bone. Geralt closed his eyes momentarily, enjoying the warmth of her caress. Then he rested his own hand on top of hers, trapping it in place so she couldn't pull it away. He needed that. He needed to feel her, her warmth, her affection, it helped him silence his thoughts.

"Would it help quiet your mind if you taught me some tricks to protect myself?" She asked him in a soft voice. "I'm a fast learner."

"Well, I suppose I could teach you about the signs. You have an aptitude for magic, so I'm certain that you will be able to conjure them."

Geralt slipped her hand from his cheek, but kept his hand on hers at all times as he briefly explained what the signs were and the uses they had. She listened carefully to every word, admiring the way his lips moved as he spoke. She loved when he told her stories of his adventures or explained details about his world, not only because she found his deep, monotone voice incredibly soothing, but also because it made her feel closer to him. 

"I think the best ones to teach you right now are Aard and Quen. They are probably the most useful ones for protecting you from this particular creature." He explained, raising the young woman's hand in the air. "The form and position of your hand is very important when casting a sign. For Aard you have to have your fingers like this."

He pressed his palm against the back of her hand, positioning his fingers over hers. Slowly he bent her middle finger downward, leaving the other four aligned upward. The young woman couldn't help but notice the way Geralt's hand completely covered hers, making her feel smaller than normal next to him. The warmth of his skin felt good, comforting, it made her wish he would never move his hand away from her. She would live holding his hand if that were humanly possible. There was something about feeling his skin against hers that awakened a comforting warmth that spread throughout her entire body. It made her feel comfortable, at peace.

When she looked up, she found that Geralt's eyes were fixed on her face. The blood rushed to her cheeks once again, somehow feeling vulnerable under his watchful gaze. But she detected in them a special glow that let her know he felt the same peace in having their hands intertwined. And that put a small smile on her lips.

"This sign channels the energy of the air, so when you cast it you should focus on that... feel the air around you, how it flows, the way it makes the tree tops shake and your hair dance around you..." Geralt's voice gradually faded to a hoarse whisper. Instinctively he moved a little closer to her, their faces mere inches apart as he lost himself in images of her walking through the forest with a smile as her hair danced in the wind. His eyes fell to her lips and he felt the urge to kiss her. They looked so soft and inviting, so appetizing, as if they had been created just for him to kiss. But before he could act on his urges, her voice snapped him out of his trance, bringing him suddenly back to reality.

"What's the next one like?" She asked, her voice barely a whisper. It was as if she felt sorry for ruining the moment, as if she felt compelled by the tension in the air to say something, but she really didn't want him to hear her.

Geralt cleared his throat before replying. "Quen is a protective sign, it can create a protective shield around you so I'd suggest you learn this one well. To cast it you need to bend your pinky finger, like this." He changed the position of his hand along with hers, helping her with his finger to bend her pinky.

"Can I try?" She sat on the bed to make herself more comfortable and Geralt followed. He placed his hand back on hers and guided her through the summoning process.

"Focus on your surroundings." He whispered in her ear, making her shiver. 

Concentrating was harder than it seemed when she could feel the heat his body emanated and every breath he took. It collided against the sensitive skin of her neck, making the baby hairs on the back of her head stand up. Geralt had to know the effect his closeness had on her. She was pretty sure the entire inn could hear the way her heart was pounding rapidly, crashing violently against her chest. He knew and he was doing it on purpose, she was convinced of that.

"Close your eyes and visualize a shield of energy around you." He continued speaking as if nothing was happening. She listened to him, trying to ignore the butterflies fluttering in her stomach, but it was almost impossible. Especially when she could feel Geralt's lips brushing against her ear as he spoke.

Then she felt a spark, a current of energy shooting from the joining of their hands. She flinched and opened her eyes, taking a moment to admire their hands before looking at Geralt to see if he had felt the same thing she had.

"You almost got it." He encouraged her. "Focus, sunshine, come on."

She took a deep breath, relaxing her shoulders before trying the conjuring again. This time she didn't seek to push the feelings that Geralt's proximity aroused in her. On the contrary, she used them. He was the only thing that mattered to her in that room, the only thing that existed besides her. He was her world, so why not concentrate on him? She let the warmth of his body envelop her, let the scent of leather and wet dirt that was characteristic of him assault her nostrils. She concentrated on the harmonious depth of his voice, letting the baritone sound travel through her ears and through her body.

She felt the spark once again, only it was much stronger this time. Her hand tingled and then she felt a rush of warmth shoot out of her. When she opened her eyes she found a layer of translucent white energy enveloping her and Geralt. It lasted only a few seconds because she broke her concentration, feeling incredibly proud of herself for successfully summoning the signal on her second attempt. It wasn't necessarily a big deal, but ever since she was a child she had grown accustomed to hearing that she was clumsy and useless and couldn't do anything right, so she had gotten into the habit of celebrating even her smallest accomplishments.

"I did it!" The princess exclaimed with a smile, throwing herself into Geralt's arms. Her embrace took him by surprise, but he didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around her waist, pulling her tightly against his chest. He allowed himself to get lost in the warmth of her body for a moment, enjoying the floral scent of her hair as he tried to burn every detail of that moment into his memory.

"Give me a couple of training sessions and I could take your job." She joked, exaggerating her merit, and earning a small smile from Geralt.

The plan was simple. The princess would pose as a lost traveler looking for directions in the hopes that her apparent vulnerability would force the bruxa to come out of hiding. Geralt would be following her closely, hiding among the trees and bushes so as not to draw attention to himself. Once the fight broke out, she was under strict orders to run to Roach and take cover in a safe area where he had marked the Yrden sign on a tree. If they were lucky he would manage to draw the creature's attention to him long enough for her to escape. He doubted it would follow her after that, the bruxa seemed to be too clever to risk entering an area protected by Yrden just to catch a girl.

Even though the creature usually preferred to hunt men —probably because they were easier to trick—, it didn't take long for it to appear on the trail just where the villagers said it would. It happened in the blink of an eye, and without much sign of its presence other than the sound of branches and leaves rustling near them. The princess was on edge, hyper-aware of every little noise she heard and every movement her eyes could see in the dim moonlight. She jumped in place when she heard the sound of a branch snapping, and turned to look for the source of the sound. She scanned the darkness with her eyes as best she could, but found nothing suspicious, so she returned her gaze to the front.

That's when she saw her.

She was tall and slender, with skin that looked like porcelain. Her long black hair hid her face, though she could feel her intense gaze locked on her. She was standing in front of her, separated by just a couple of inches, and the princess had no idea where she had come from.

She struggled to keep her breathing at a normal level as she spoke explaining her situation to it, hoping it wouldn't be able to hear the rapid beating of her heart or detect the adrenaline coursing through her veins. The last thing she wanted was for the bruxa to discover the trap because of her poor acting skills.

"Oh, I'm sorry that happened to you." The creature said with faked empathy, taking the princess by the hand. She thought about pulling free from its grip, but decided against it at the last moment, thinking it would be too obvious. Geralt was close by and she trusted him completely. "The village is far, you are not going to get there by foot until tomorrow morning."

The bruxa was lying. Her favorite place to hunt wasn't that far from the village and while it might be annoying to walk the distance, it was probably a two hour walk at most. The princess wondered how many poor travelers would have fallen into that trap, believing her words without knowing that in reality salvation was much closer.

"You look tired." The bruxa affirmed and to the princess's surprise, she began to feel the weight on her eyelids and tired body. "I have a place nearby, you can spend the night there and tomorrow you can continue your travel. There's food and a warm bed for you to sleep in."

She was neither tired nor hungry, but the black-haired woman's words sounded tempting. She almost had to fight the urge to accept her proposal, even though she knew that nothing but death awaited her there. The creature was probably using its charms on her, enchanting her into agreeing to go with it without making a scene and attracting the attention of the villagers. She knew it and yet she couldn't resist. If it wasn't for Geralt appearing at that precise moment, she didn't know what would have become of her.

"Run!" was all the witcher said to her as he separated her from the bruxa. His eyes were completely black and his skin was much paler than usual. She had seen him fight before, but never while in his full witcher form. It caught her off guard but she managed to pull herself together quickly enough to get away from the area before the fight really started.

She heard the echoes of the bruxa's screams as she ran. They were deafening and she honestly couldn't believe how Geralt managed to endure them at such close proximity. She had to make the effort not to look back, knowing that if she saw what was happening she wouldn't be able to resist the urge to go over and help him. When she reached Roach she noticed the mare was upset, neighing and whinnying as if she could feel the tension in the air and the fear the princess felt.

"Shh, shh, it's fine! Everything is going to be okay." She tried to calm her down, stroking her soft fur as she watched the fight unfold a few feet away. "Geralt has it under control."

Every word of encouragement she blurted out for Roach, was a word of encouragement for her as well. She knew that Geralt was a very experienced witcher who had probably fought and killed many beasts equally or more dangerous than that bruxa even before she was born, but she couldn't help but worry for his life as she watched the battle. The creature was fast and precise with its attacks, using its scream to stun Geralt whenever it was at a disadvantage. He was able to hurt her a couple of times, but it was nothing lethal so he only managed to infuriate her. And even though she was bleeding even more than he was, that didn't make it any easier to see him get thrown into the air by the bruxa's deafening scream.

In the midst of the battle, the bruxa tried to flee. It changed its human form, transforming into something that the princess could only describe as a bat, only much larger and more horrifying. It spread its long wings and lifted off, escaping from Geralt's clutches just in time. But it didn't disappear for long, as a few seconds later it flew towards him once again, swooping down like a bird determined to catch its prey. Geralt braced himself for the attack and almost succeeded in striking it in the torso with the silver sword. But at the last moment the creature flew up, circled in the air and descended again on the witcher. Only this time it used its scream to launch him a couple of feet away. 

Geralt's sword fell to the ground away from his hand at the same time as his head hit a rock. The princess held her breath as she watched the scene unfold in front of her eyes, unconsciously taking a few steps to get closer to him. He was moving, so at least she knew he wasn't dead, but he looked really dazed. The bruxa was flying high circling him like a crow, preparing to attack.

"Come on, Geralt, come on!" She muttered in the darkness, taking a couple more steps. Her eyes went from him to the bruxa, watching its movements, and back to him. He was beginning to regain his abilities, but unfortunately the bruxa had decided it was time to finish him off. Even though Geralt was getting back up, there was no way he could get to his sword in time, and she didn't see anything else he could use to defend himself. So she did the only thing she could do at that moment. She ran at him, breaking the one rule Geralt had imposed on her.

She knew it was stupid and risky, but the adrenaline in her veins and the fear of losing Geralt clouded her thinking. She ran to him ready to assist him because she refused to stand still a second longer, watching helplessly as that creature finished him off. It was reckless and dangerous as hell, but what else could she do when the man she loved was in mortal danger? She would never forgive herself if something happened to him that night because she did nothing to help him. 

She couldn't lose him, not like this, not now that they were so close to starting to think about a future together. So she ran as fast as she could, reaching the center of the battle before the bruxa managed to get her claws on her beloved. She then cast an Aard signal, Geralt's words echoing in her mind as a wave of energy was expelled from her hand. She managed to knock the bruxa down a couple of feet away, probably because it wasn't expecting her to join the fight. However, the victory didn't last long as the creature got up and rose into the air, only this time she was its target.

She could hear Geralt's voice shouting her name in the distance, urging her to run for cover, but seeing the speed of the bruxa's flight she knew she wouldn't get very far if she tried to run. So she planted herself in place and cast the Quen signal, creating a protective field around her that she hoped would hold until Geralt could reach her. She struggled to maintain her concentration, pushing aside her fear of facing this beast. But even her best effort could not stand against the bruxa's powerful scream. The moment she opened her mouth, the young woman's shield shattered and she was thrown into the air. 

She felt the way her body cut through the wind as she flew. The world around her became a blur as she moved at a speed unnatural for a human being. And then her body hit a tree and she fell to the ground. She felt a sharp pain in the back of her head that left her dazed and disoriented. She could hear Geralt's voice calling her name, but it sounded far away. She tried to get up, but her surroundings began to spin as soon as she moved. She felt a warm, sticky liquid coating her hair, but she didn't have the mental capacity to recognize that it was blood gushing from a wound on her head. She was too disoriented to recognize her own surroundings.

In the midst of the confusion, she was able to feel the bruxa's claws digging into her shoulders. As blurry as her vision was, she could make out the beast's face hanging over hers. She thought that this was going to be the end of her, that horrible image being the last thing she would see before she died. She thought of all the things she regretted, of all the experiences she had missed. And she thought of Geralt too. She thought about how much she loved him and how sorry she was that she hadn't been up front with him about how she felt. Maybe things could have been different if she had told him how much she loved him, but now it was too late.

The bruxa brought her face closer to her and the princess closed her eyes, ready to accept her fate. But instead of feeling her teeth clinging to his neck, she heard it let out a pained whimper. Suddenly, she stopped feeling the weight of its body on hers or the sharpness of its claws on her shoulders. And when she opened her eyes she was met with Geralt's face, who was kneeling beside her.

She felt the warmth of his hands on her cheeks and heard the distant, muffled sound of his voice calling her name and asking her to stay with him. She tried to answer him, but her dazed mind was unable to utter coherent words. She felt cold and tired, the urge to close her eyes growing stronger with each passing second.

"Geralt..." was all she was able to utter before everything went black.

When she opened her eyes again it was already morning, she could tell by the sunlight streaming through the window. It took her a few seconds to understand where she was. Her head was throbbing and her vision was still a little blurry, although she didn't know if it was because of the sleep or her injuries. She tried to move, but regretted it almost immediately when she felt the muscles in her body twitch in pain. She let out a hoarse grunt in protest and felt the sound of someone approaching her. It was then that she realized she was back in her room at the inn and that the man next to her was Geralt.

"You're back." he murmured, sitting down next to her on the bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Like absolute shit, but I'll live." she answered with honesty, making an effort to sit up in bed. Geral helped her, reminding her to take it easy as he arranged the pillow to help support her back more comfortably. "What happened exactly?"

"What do you remember?"

She took a moment to think. She remembered being thrown into the air by the bruxa's scream. She remembered the hard impact of her body against a tree trunk and falling to the cold damp ground of the forest, but it was all a blur after that. She knew she had been scared, that she thought she would die and that one of her last thoughts had been Geralt, but she was missing a few key points that would help her connect it all into a coherent line of events.

"I remember being thrown around and hitting a tree, but not much after that." she finally said, skipping the part where she vividly remembered thinking about how much she loved him.

"That's because you hit your head," he explained. "You were bleeding a lot. I barely got to you before you passed out."

There was a hint of sadness and concern in his voice that made her feel bad for taking such a risk. She could almost feel the despair he had felt at that moment just by looking into his eyes. It made her want to apologize, though she regretted it at the last second. Why would she apologize to him? For risking her life? It was her life, so his opinion shouldn't matter. For hurting herself? It wasn't as if she had done it on purpose. Besides, she wasn't sorry for what she had done. He was in trouble and she stepped in to help him. Even if she had ended up with more serious injuries —or even died— she wouldn't have cared as long as she knew he was okay because of it. His safety was always her top priority, whether it was when he arrived at her front door injured, or when they were in the middle of a battlefield. Her purpose in life was to be by his side to take care of him, so she couldn't let him die at the hands of that bruxa.

"Thank you." She spoke after a long silence. She decided to thank him instead of apologizing, it was more honest to what she really felt and not what she thought she had to say based on the expression on Geralt's face. "I'm guessing you are the one who saved me, so thank you for saving my life."

Geralt let out a long sigh. "I shouldn't have had to. You were supposed to stay behind, out of harm's way." 

His intention was not to scold her so quickly. She had barely regained consciousness and he was already complaining about her actions and lack of care. He had spent the entire night awake beside her, watching her sleep in the hopes of seeing her open her eyes again. He imagined that when she did, he would hold her in his arms and tell her how much he loved her, how terrified he had been of losing her and how happy he was to have her back. His intention was to take care of her and make her feel supported and loved. But for some reason seeing her in that weakened state had once again brought out in him that horrible terror he felt when he saw her approach the bruxa. 

If the circumstances were different, or if she were someone else, he could probably tell her openly how proud he was of the way she had handled the situation. She had been able to cast the signs without any trouble and for her first time in a battle situation with such a creature, she had been very brave and had put up a good fight. In the future, with more training, he could come to see her as a good ally on the battlefield. The problem was that her life was too important to him to risk it that way. He was used to injuries and being tossed around by the monsters he fought. Hell, he had been created specifically to endure it! But she wasn't. She was a human, fragile and delicate, not made to withstand that kind of combat.

Geralt could not remember a time in his recent past when he had felt the fear that swept over him the moment he saw her challenge the bruxa. And when she fell to the ground after being thrown several feet into the air, he felt the world around him stop for a second, stomach dropping as he waited and prayed to the gods above that she wasn't dead. The pool of blood under her head, the way her eyes slowly closed after whispering his name, it had all been too much for him. Carrying her fainted and bloodied body in his arms back to the village not knowing if she would ever wake up again filled him with a terror he never wanted to feel again in his life.

"Why did you do it?" he asked her after getting no answer from her other than a guilty look, like that of a child caught by his parents doing something mischievous.

"You were in danger," she muttered, lowering her gaze. "She was going to hurt you."

"I had it under control!"

She let out a snort of disbelief. "It didn't look like it."

"It doesn't matter what it looked like, you were supposed to stay behind! You promised you were going to listen to me this time!" Geralt raised his voice, making the princess flinch. She hated it when people yelled, especially men. It brought back bad memories of the life she had left behind. "What were you thinking? You could have been killed!"

"I wasn't thinking! Is that what you want to hear?" She raised the pitch of her voice to match his. "I saw you on the floor and that thing flying at you and I just acted. I'm sorry, but I couldn't stay behind while the man I... care so much about got killed right in front of me." Tears burned in her eyes, but she refused to blink to let them fall. She was determined not to show weakness at that moment, even though she was pretty sure Geralt could read the pain in her expression.

The witcher's cold yellow eyes softened slightly, recognizing in her the same terror he had felt. But the fact that he could understand what had been going through her head at that moment did not change the fact that her actions had been reckless and unacceptable. That was the problem with them, they cared so much about each other to the point that they would not hesitate to put their own lives at risk to save the other. If he didn't have the profession he had, maybe that wouldn't be an obstacle to their happiness. But the reality was that she could not be by his side, accompanying him in his life at all times, without being exposed to danger. 

Being a witcher meant looking danger in the face, and while he found it sweet that she cared as much for his safety and well-being as he did for hers, traveling with her would only give her more opportunities to hurt herself in order to save him. Being with him put her at risk not only because of the potential dangers they might encounter along the way, but also because of the strength of the connection they shared. She loved him so much that she was willing to sacrifice her life to save his and if he agreed to take her with him on his travels he would be consciously putting her at risk. She was a stubborn and determined woman, so Geralt could be sure that her behavior would not change no matter how many times she told him otherwise. And he loved her too much to risk losing her.

"I don't think this is going to work." Geralt said, standing up from the bed. "This was a mistake, I never should have taken you with me."

Oh.

She hadn't expected those words. She imagined he would be upset with her for disobeying him. She even expected him not to speak to her for the time it would take him to process the situation. But she didn't think he would ever regret her presence there. She thought she had done enough to prove her worth. Sure, things hadn't gone quite right, but she had proven that her skills —magical and non-magical— were of use to him. Perhaps she needed some more training, but she was very good at dealing with people and her vulnerable appearance made her the perfect bait for traps like the one they had set for the bruxa. She didn't expect Geralt to throw all that aside just because of a stupid wound.

"What is that supposed to mean?" she asked him, trying hard not to let her voice crack as she spoke. 

"It means I'm taking you back home as soon as you are ready to travel." Geralt announced in a firm voice before leaving the room with a slam of the door. And just like that, she was left alone, staring at the wood as tears rolled down her cheeks.

She did not speak on the way back any more than was strictly necessary. She did not smile or comment on the beauty of the scenery around her. She didn't chat with Roach in the mornings or stop to play with or heal any of the animals along the way. She didn't even take the time to smell the flowers or listen to the birds sing. It was as if she was a completely different person. It reminded Geralt of how she was when he first met her, quiet, shy and frightened, always scared to say the wrong thing. Her usual sweet and cheerful glow was absent and he couldn't help but feel guilty about it. 

He recognized that he had not treated the situation with the care he should have, but he also knew he was doing the right thing. He should never have agreed to take her on one of his trips in the first place, so everything that had happened was his fault. He had been led astray by her charms, by the fantasy of believing that their lives were compatible. He wanted it to be true so badly that he had acted without thinking and as a result had hurt the woman he loved most. He had to fix his mistake and to do so he had to start by recognizing that his dreams were just that, dreams. A future together was not possible because he had not been made to settle down and start a family and she would always be in danger if she joined his travels. So, as much as it pained him, it was best for both of them to keep their lives separate and enjoy the fleeting moments of happiness they had when their paths crossed.

Her usual attitude returned to her when they arrived at her house and it was time to say goodbye. No matter how hurt she was, she couldn't bring herself to ignore Geralt knowing that this could be the last time she would see him for a long time. She gave him a hug that was tighter and lasted longer than it probably should have. But it was what they both needed, a moment to appreciate the comforting warmth of each other's bodies, to feel the spark of love they had for each other floating in the air after days of cold silence. They both needed to tell the other that everything they felt was still there in spite of everything. And both needed to recognize it in the other to know that all was not lost.

As they parted, the princess asked Geralt to be careful, just as she always did when she said her goodbyes to him. She then entered her home and sat in the chair near the door, starting the cycle of worry and uncertainty she found herself in whenever he was away from her home. Once again, her eyes were once again fixed on the dark wood, only this time her chest was heavy with the anguish of not knowing if she would ever see Geralt walk through that door again.

[zahri-melitor]

Recent Reads:

Barda (2024): I am always interested in judging what they do and don't put into the young adult stories. I thought this was a solid adaption of Barda's backstory and the Furies, to my mind. I'm not across all the versions, but it felt true to what I was hoping to see in the story, which included Barda's positioning both in terms of what it's like to grow up in Apokolips but also the harm she has done as leader of the Female Furies and complicity in torture.

I enjoyed it! It's worth seeking out.

Batman: One Bad Day - The Riddler: well this sure was a comic written by Tom King and drawn by Mitch Gerads. Even if I had not looked at the title page I could have told you that from the specific way their collaboration lays out a comic.

It's a very Tom King prestige comic, with all that that implies. This one isn't openly hung up on the military. (His prestige work tends to be his best work. Don't fight me on this)

This is not even near my favourite conception of Eddie, though it's also not at the bottom either. Definitely trying to lean into him as a threat. It doesn't, however, show him having fun with his puzzles, and I think at the heart of all the best Riddler depictions he needs to be both cocksure and personally entertained by what he's doing. Even (especially) when it's particularly dark.

(if you want favourite characterisations, Cliff Chiang's Catwoman: The Lonely City and the way Paul Dini writes him, particularly in 'Tec #845 are highlights)

Batman: One Bad Day - Two-Face: Mariko Tamaki did a good job here. I particularly think she has a solid grasp on Steph's character, because she had Steph argue with Bruce over Harvey and whether he's worth redemption and second chances.

"I hate it when villains aren't just villains. Maybe it's not fair to the Dents of the world, but I like to think it protects me from the creeps."

Steph's whole thesis here is that they shouldn't be making an extra effort for Harvey, just because he was Bruce's friend, because villains are villains and they can't and won't change, and even when they do, they'll ultimately backslide. It's a very conservative view of criminalisation, and it's one Steph's had since her creation by Dixon, and which makes a lot of sense given her background and her problems with her father.

Bruce and Steph then have a fight over "Harvey isn't Arthur". What makes the fight particularly interesting to me is that Steph's arguing that if Harvey was committed to changing we would see it, and she hasn't, while Bruce still believes that Harvey can change and is trying to, because he's seen Harvey work on it. While Steph has absolutely no trust or belief in her father. And they're talking past each other here while having a conversation.

It's some great character work. Because Bruce at his core is fundamentally committed to rehabilitation and hoping that everyone can be saved. While Steph, for extremely good canonical reasons, thinks that criminals remain criminals, and that if they want to stop being criminals they have to show the work for people to trust them; because she was betrayed while growing up.

(The actual plot of this story was good too. But people like to say that Steph doesn't have any good characterisation post Flashpoint, and I'm here to point wildly at things like this and Tynion's 'Tec run and ask what their issues are, because this is another extremely solid congruent-with-pre-War Games-Steph story)

Batman: One Bad Day - The Penguin: I could definitely tell this was a John Ridley story. I think part of my discomfort with this was that it wanted to be canonical and non-canonical at the same time. It's very clearly set in approximately the 2022 present for Bat comics (Renee Montoya is Commissioner, Oswald has recently been kicked out of Gotham)...but it's also very much an alternate history, where instead of pretending to be dead, he's been replaced by "The Umbrella Man" who has stolen Ozzie's life. It's rather like a rerun of the Emperor Penguin plot except for the fact that The Umbrella Man is a random black man (yes, thanks Ridley) who points out a bunch of class disparity issues to Penguin.

It's just a very odd plot choice to run for an specific oneshot at this point in the storyline, because completely separately we are in the process of doing "Oswald vs his children who have killed all their siblings to inherit the Iceberg" in main continuity. Get a second Penguin plot please.

Mostly this is a parable about accepting who you are and not being a bully, or the Penguin will rip out your throat. Or something. It worked, it was just...really obvious nobody knows what to do with a Penguin plot. Just do mafia and black market stuff!

Batman: One Bad Day - Mr Freeze: I don't recognise Gerry Duggan? He's apparently done about 2000 Marvel comics and a whole 8 DC ones. Oh! But he wrote Arkham Manor! Oh my gosh so many things suddenly make sense, including the fact that the motif of this comic was Victor making snow angels.

I loved Arkham Manor and particularly the way Victor was characterised in it, even though that characterisation wasn't exactly standard Mr Freeze (it was comedy Mr Freeze). What we got this time was hmmmm a very self-absorbed Victor, where the plot specifically removed some of the pathos of Victor's devotion to Nora by showcasing a number of ways he was overly obsessed to the point of harming Nora before she passed away. It wasn't quite the direction of depth into Freeze we've seen other stories go recently, but it definitely committed to him being potentially quite harmless if you frame things around Nora in the right way to get him to focus how you want him to.

I have to say though, I don't think Duggan has a particularly good grasp on Bruce or even Dick. There were a bunch of moments where Bruce calls a completely random street thug an "irredeemable villain" and that "he belongs in the deepest hole we can throw him in". I'm sorry, did I pick up a Bruce Wayne comic or a Jason Todd one? Because uhhhh that's not standard Bruce personality. Alfred was even snarking at Bruce about how "Forgive me gentlemen, I must be suffering from a senior moment. I thought Master Bruce just said he though a criminal could change."

YES! YES HE DOES THINK THAT! THAT'S BATMAN'S WHOLE THING! HE BELIEVES HE CAN SAVE EVERYONE! HE BELIEVES THAT THEY CAN CHANGE! We literally just had the Two-Face story two titles before this be all about how Bruce is overcommitted to believing that Harvey can recover and trying to help him!

Okay poor Bruce characterisation aside, this was a fairly fun Year 4 setting for the story, and it was the requisite Christmas episode, which I did also appreciate as thematic for release date and chosen villain. Tiny Dick is highly amusing in how he thinks he might be about to get to drive the Batmobile for the first time...and then the autopilot engages. He really wants to drive and comments on how he doesn't have his learners yet (and 7ish years down the track he can end up amused and irritated that TIM got his learners at 14)

I assume Duggan got given a slot on the strength of his Marvel work, and that's fine, except...the off characterisation makes it pretty clear he doesn't have a particularly good or current grasp on at least one of the two main characters of the title. Which is just slightly important for a special high profile series on Batman and His Villains. And I'm saying that as someone who liked Arkham Manor, but enjoyed it for being a quirky offbeat, tonally dissonant story in the middle of the unending angst that was Batman Eternal.

Everyone else in this set has big set piece previous stories involving the characters to point to as why they got picked. Duggan seems to have scraped through on "Big in Marvel, has written one of the few focused on Victor Fries stories in the last decade".

[cryscendo]

klaine and a risky kiss between forbidden lovers…..perhapssssss…perchance……

so you said “forbidden lovers” and i heard “angel and demon au” naturally. so that’s what this is i hope you enjoy <3

Pairing: Kurt Hummel/Blaine Anderson

Word Count: 1596

Rating: M (for minor sexual themes)

if you’d like to request a fic, check out the prompt list here!

fic can be read under the cut <3

Kurt is the worst, Blaine has decided. He’s arrogant and entitled and absolutely goes against everything that Blaine stands for.

And he’s also a literal demon from Hell. That feels important to mention.

Things have settled between Heaven and Hell in the recent decades. Which, by all accounts, is a good thing. However, that is not to say that there isn’t an undercurrent of something sinister brewing, quite literally, just beneath the surface. Hell has been a bit too quiet and that is setting off some serious red flags to the angels upstairs. So for that, many angels, Blaine himself included, have been sent down to Earth for reconnaissance purposes.

Kurt should not be here.

And not because demons shouldn’t be on Earth. That goes without saying, but they traipse the human-land all the time anyway so it’s not really worth discussing. They’re going to do whatever the hell they want.

No, Kurt shouldn’t be here. Around a collection of other angels that most definitely are not going to be too fond of seeing him. See, Kurt wasn’t always a demon. But as it would turn out, falling from grace can have some very complicated side effects.

Blaine could sense him immediately. How could he not? Kurt managed to be all around him at all times. It was as frustrating as it was intoxicating. Blaine allots himself so little decadence in his life that when Kurt enters his psyche, it becomes a bit overwhelming.

An angel’s job is to serve — to be subservient. Which is probably why Kurt never fit the mold.

But Blaine could practically taste him now. Granted, he’s had practice.

Blaine did his best to slink away from the other angels that congregated in this little run down dive bar. Hiding in plain sight; that was always the methodology. To an innocent, naïve onlooker, Blaine and his fellow men were just a bunch of guys getting drinks together. That was all just a very well-placed façade however. Blaine was working, for lack of a better term. Or rather trying to work, if it weren’t for the incessant presence nearby.

He should ignore it. He shouldn’t entertain Kurt in this way.

He found him. Kurt was tucked away in a corner at the bar, just out of sight of the tables of angels. Any of them would be able to sense Kurt if they were searching for him. He was playing a dangerous game, but Blaine suspected that Kurt already knew that.

“What are you doing here?” Blaine questioned, not interested in playing any games.

Kurt, however, didn’t seem to have the same sentiment. He merely sipped his drink casually before turning towards Blaine, haunting silvery-blue eyes meeting his own. “What, can’t a guy get a drink every now and again?”

“You know that’s not what I meant,” Blaine stated, giving off an air of no-nonsense.

Kurt sighs in exasperation, rolling his eyes. “Is it such an ordeal that I should want to come see you, angel? I heard you were coming down to visit, and I just couldn’t stay away.”

“How’d you hear that?”

Kurt grinned up at him pridefully. “I happen to still have friends in high places,” he said pleasantly. “Next time you see Mercedes while you’re prancing around up there, let her know that I’d love to see her soon. It’s been far too long.” Kurt pats the open seat next to him at the bar. “Now sit. I doubt we will have long before your little friends come looking for you, and I’d really like to chat for a minute.”

Blaine considered rejecting Kurt’s offer. He most definitely didn’t need the distraction. However, after looking back at the table of angels and deducing that they had yet to notice his departure, he apprehensively sat down. Kurt looked all too excited about this.

“So I’m going to ask again, what are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same question,” Kurt countered, tipping his drink towards Blaine to further punctuate his statement. “I must say, angel, this isn’t really your scene. I picture you more in a white gown singing hymns in a cathedral while the heavens open up and cast a glimmering light right down on you. However, this…” Kurt tugged playfully at Blaine’s bowtie. “… is an adorable look on you as well.”

It was then that Blaine was finally able to properly take stock of what Kurt was wearing. Red and black always suited him, and it looked beautiful on him now. Black lace-up boots with black jeans only allowed for his crimson button up to stand out vividly. He looked every bit the demon that he was supposed to be. Alluring, feline, Blaine was painfully familiar with it.

“Working,” was all that Blaine offered in response.

Kurt scoffed. “Aren’t you always? That’s all you seem to do these days.”

“You know how the job goes,” reminded Blaine.

The sigh that Kurt released was one that indicated that he really did in fact know. “Well, that’s a damn shame. I’ve missed having you around.” Kurt set down his drink on the bar and moved his hand to slide up Blaine’s thigh. He looked incredibly relaxed like this, but Blaine could feel the tension Kurt was feeling from having so many angels that hated him in such close proximity. Kurt looked past Blaine towards the table and gave a brief moment of hesitation.

“You really shouldn’t be hanging out around here, y’know. It’s not safe. They’ll kill you if they see you.” Kurt didn’t let on how nervous he was, but he didn’t need to. When Kurt fell, he sacrificed a lot of his power in the fall. He was no match for an angel, no matter how coy he played.

Kurt gave a squeeze to Blaine’s thigh. “I don’t know how you stick around with that crowd. Are you not miserable?” It wasn’t a question that necessitated a response, so Blaine didn’t give one. “They’re all so truly obsessed with me.”

Blaine couldn’t help but grin at Kurt’s comment. “Well, I suppose that’s what happens when you end up on Heaven’s Most Wanted.”

“I’m wanted?” Kurt asked, obviously leaning into a teasing tone. “Well, I must say I’m flattered. But unfortunately for Heaven, I fear I am already spoken for.”

“That right?” Blaine questions, allowing himself to play along with Kurt’s game just this once.

“Oh sure. The guy is a real angel,” Kurt taunted, sparing another look towards the group of divinity, ensuring they weren’t catching wind of Blaine’s absence. They hadn’t yet, but they surely didn’t have long. Then, Kurt’s tone shifted into something far more serious and subtly desperate as he lowered his voice to a whisper. “Leave them and come with me.”

Blaine knew this was coming, but that didn’t make it any less unpleasant. “You know I can’t do that.”

“Why not?” Kurt interrogated, his voice hushed and grave. The hand on Blaine’s thigh slid up to cup over his clothed crotch, though Kurt made no move to squeeze as he had been before. Kurt’s actions and his words contradicted one another, furthering the reality that Kurt was a storm of contradictions. “You can’t honestly tell me you’re happy like this? Serving a being who you’ve never met and likely doesn’t give a fuck about you.”

“Well, are you any happier now than you were before the fall?” Kurt bit at his lip then, casting a glance at the table of angels and then back to Blaine. Then, Kurt finally pushed on, giving a quick squeeze of Blaine’s cock through fabric, earning a low groan past Blaine’s lips. To an outsider, they just looked like a couple that was getting a bit too handsy in public. Unfortunately, it went far deeper than that.

Kurt whispered, his lips just a few short inches away from Blaine’s. “I could be. I miss you,” he confessed. Blaine missed him too. He really, really did. He slid a hand along Kurt’s arm, feeling the tense muscles there. They didn’t really have time for this.

“You need to make yourself disappear,” Blaine lamented a bit painfully.

Kurt bristled at his words. “Fine,” he said in a clipped tone. He pressed against Blaine’s cock with his palm again with determination, earning another muffled noise from the angel. “But understand this, Blaine, you’re going to realize that Heaven isn’t all it's cracked up to be one day, and when you do, I’ll be the one that you’ll seek out for guidance. It’s always going to be me.”

Suddenly, as if they were forced together by the magnetism of heated glances and adrenaline, their lips crashed together in a forceful kiss. It was always like this, with them saying a bitter goodbye that is sealed with star-crossed affections. That certainly didn’t make it any easier no matter how many times they played this game.

But Kurt was right. It was always going to be him.

The kiss lingered for some time. The touch, which had started off as rough and primal, melted into something a bit more gentle, emotional, intimate. Blaine allowed himself to sink into the taste of Kurt on his lips. He tasted of alcohol mixed with something venomously divine.

Eventually and far too soon, Kurt moved away. They locked eyes for a moment before Kurt finally stood.

“Well, until next time, angel,” he said simply. A hand grazed gently across Blaine’s cheek as Kurt brushed by him. But when Blaine turned to watch after him, Kurt had already done what Blaine suggested, and made himself disappear.

[aihoshiino]

If Ai had lived, what kind of parent do you think she would have been to teenage Aqua and Ruby?

luckily for you anon, I have spent a truly healthy [<- lie] amount of time thinking about this!!! This is going to inevitably dip into how Ruby and Aqua are both changed by having her in their lives just because that obviously matters to how she and the twins interact but... honestly at this point if you're following me, my bi-weekly unhinged essays about the Hoshinos are what you're here for.

Also worth noting before I get into it that I'm purposely not thinking too hard about Current Things in the manga like the documentary Gotanda was working on or the DVDs........ we know so little about them I can't really factor them into my rambles here lol so consider this just my most ideal happy end AU for the Hoshinos.

Anyway, I think it goes without saying that Ai would continue being an excellent mom to Aqua and Ruby. There would likely be some bumps in the road following B-Komachi's dome performance as her fame and increased demand puts pressure on her time and energy but Ai's priority is and will always be her babies so I can definitely see her and Miyako having a Stern Talk with Ichigo at some point to make sure Ai isn't overbooked to the extent that she can't spend time with them lol.

I also have a totally self indulgent AU based on Emiya Gohan that lives in my head, based around the framing device of Ai wanting to learn how to cook so she can make proper food for the twins as they grow up... my read of Ai is that she has a lot of issues relating to food security as a result of the abuse & neglect she went through, so being able to make good food for her own children and sort of rewrite her own relationship with food and cooking would be really healing for her.

Something also interesting to consider is the question of whether Ai would have been able to work through enough of her baggage regarding expressing her love to Aqua and Ruby... it takes such a desperate a raw moment for her to finally conquer that fear in canon that it's hard for me to imagine it happening in anything less than an equally cathartic moment, you know? At the same time, I really love the idea of Ai's slow progress towards healing eventually allowing her to do it without that kind of urgent pressure... instead of dying, Ai lives so hard she can eventually overcome that fear by her own strength!!!

I also think there would be a lot more moments like Ai and Ruby's dance with both of the twins – moments of Ai helping them both to untangle the trauma and baggage they carry from their past lives just through the simple act of loving and supporting them as their mother. Both Ruby and Aqua are explicitly described as being children "who never had a mother in the real sense" before their rebirth – for Sarina, she suffered the emotional abuse and neglect of living with a toxic mother who centered and prioritized her own feelings of grief and pain to such a degree that she completely abandoned her dying daughter. For Gorou, he grew up in the shadow of his mother's death as a result of childbirth complications, blaming himself and carrying the burden of his grandparents' grief and expectations in ways that are implied to have strained his relationships with them and left him without a real mother in his life.

Not only is this a healing experience for the twins, it's also ugely cathartic for Ai, too. As I've mentioned before, Ruby's "it's okay for me to dance!" scene with Ai is soooo incredibly powerful because it's about these two victims of toxic motherhood finding safety, healing and empowerment in the wholly loving and supportive parent/child relationship they build together. In general, the Hoshino family is a safe place where these three people who suffered abuse, neglect and the absence of loving mothers could find a place to heal and be loved.

Because of this, while I don't think that Aqua and Ruby would be hugely different on the surface going into their teens, a ton of stuff under the hood would be massively impacted. I like to think that growing up with Ai as a positive influence in their lives would have allowed them to essentially lay Gorou and Sarina to rest much sooner than in canon – not to forget or erase those memories, necessarily, but to definitively move on as their own people, having purified Gorou and Sarina's lingering regrets and trauma and being able to wholeheartedly embrace their new happiness as Aqua and Ruby.

This also means that they both have a much healthier relationship with Ai, in a lot of ways. I don't think they'll ever stop putting her on a bit of a pedestal but more in the way that a lot of people do if they grow up with a loving and good mom. On that note, I also like to think that with Gorou's weird baggage not causing such a conflict that Aqua might actually start calling Ai "mom"....... it makes me so depresso that he never did.....!!!

Without the weight of Ai's death hanging over them and her full and loving support at their backs, Aqua and Ruby still find their way into the entertainment industry, though for different reasons. Without his guilt getting in the way of doing things he enjoys, Aqua can admit to himself that he enjoys acting and tentatively pursues it through his childhood as the protégé of Gotanda again but in happier circumstances. He has similar initial hurdles as he does in canon wrt comparing himself negatively to Ai and underselling his strengths, but Ai would have a good talk with him about valuing what he brings to the table and not worrying about matching up to anyone else. Eventually, he becomes pretty focused on like, weirdo ass self produced projects he does a lot of the work on (acting, directing and producing) that don't make a huge splash in the mainstream necessarily but are well beloved in niche and horror circles and Aqua's happy with his work entirely because it's his and he's happy to make it, which is most important.

Ruby follows a similar track as she does in canon with becoming a member of the second generation of B Komachi, still driven by love and admiration for her mom but from a much healthier and happier place. Rather than feeling like she has to live up to Ai's image in her absence, she is inspired by Ai's presence in her life, her active support and encouragement and her boundless love and excitement to see her kids do what makes them happy. The canonical B-Komachi gen 2 still come together in mostly the same ways because I love them too much to separate them but this time, they're directly mentored by Ai and go full force through the industry with her support.

Eventually, I do think the three of them go public about their family - probably around the time the twins have graduated from high school, just to properly allow them the chance to be relatively normal kids without the scandal and pressure of being Ai's children hanging over their heads. It definitely causes a bit of an explosion, but I think by then Ai would have successfully transitioned from being purely an idol and would be more of a general household name/celeb, so there isn't as much outcry, but it definitely still stirs up some trouble that she and the kids have to weather.

At the end of the day, though, her presence in their lives would be a huge boon to them and it results in all three of the Hoshinos being much happier and healthier people. This response uh got a way from me a little and turned into like a whole AU pitch but what are we here for if not to delulu ourselves about scenarios where the Hoshinos could be happy..............

[sitp-recs]

hi Liv! do you know any fics (drarry or rarepair) that have themes of queer identity or lgbt community please? 🌈

What a wonderful ask, I love stories exploring coming out, queer identity and the sense of community 💜 I listed below some personal favorites, I’m sure I’ve read more but I didn’t want this post to get too long! You’ll notice that Writcraft is mentioned one too many times - I highly recommend checking their full catalogue as queer themes are strong and recurrent in their works.

Drarry

what draco does on thursday nights by @ihopeyoubothstaysafefromharm (G, 1.5k)

harry didn't know what draco does on thursday nights. until he mistakenly comes over with takeout. OR, draco has a queer writing group.

Pride by @writcraft (E, 9k)

Harry and Draco form an unlikely friendship after the war. Even as the friendship becomes more, Draco is quick to push Harry away before they become too deeply involved. As Harry fights to save an iconic wizarding pub and gay safe-haven from being closed down, circumstances force Draco to confront his true feelings head on.

the way you make me glow by @softlystarstruck (M, 11k)

In a cottage next to the sea, love blossoms. Or perhaps it’s been there all along.

When You Kiss Me (What A Lovely Way To Burn) by Femme (E, 22k)

A drag fairytale of New York in which Draco wears red lipstick and Potter can’t get enough.

Welcome to the Broom Closet by incapricious (E, 23k)

Harry thinks he knows how his life will go: Become an Auror. Marry Ginny. Have a family. But then he sees an advertisement in the paper that no one else can see, and his life is turned upside-down. The Broom Closet: you can be anyone you want while you're there, but you won't remember it in the morning.

The Light That is Blinding Me by leontina (E, 23k)

After Flourish and Blotts stop stocking the books of Harry’s favourite author, he is directed to a queer bookshop and discovers it’s owned by none other than Draco Malfoy, who has more in common with Harry than either of them realise.

Harry Potter and The Bisexual Awakening by Writcraft (E, 23k)

Harry is perfectly content being single, heterosexual and living in Godric's Hollow with his very clingy rescue dog, Snitch. When Draco Malfoy turns up on Harry's doorstep demanding that Harry teach him how to drive, things quickly become a lot more complicated.

Dragons Don't Know Paradise by @teacup-tai (E, 51k)

In 2004, when Remus spends two scary weeks in the ITU due to complications of pneumonia and his HIV condition, Sirius walks around the house like a ghost and Harry finds comfort and strength in Draco through a chat in an online LGBT forum. Harry falls for him, but Draco has a lot of secrets and, before long, will need to come clean—even if he believes that no one is able to understand a dragon.

The Beauty of Thestrals and Other Unseen Things by Writcraft (E, 63k)

Harry has terrific friends, an amazing girlfriend and his job as Head Auror enables him to work on challenging cases and Ministry reform. He just wishes he could work out why he’s been so out of sorts. When Draco Malfoy is arrested for gross indecency, Harry’s comfortable life begins to unravel. He’s forced to decide if it’s worth risking everything for love in a world where following his heart is a criminal offence.

Little Compton Street by Writcraft (E, 65k)

Draco is lonely, Harry hates the press and it won’t stop raining in London. Harry discovers a magical street that’s close to disappearing forever and Draco realises he’s one rainy night in Soho away from finding everything he’s been searching for.

Out and the Open by HenryMercury (M, 75k)

The war is over, and Draco finally has the courage to decide who she is. The war is over, and Harry finally has the freedom to decide what she likes.

Little Deaths and How to Avoid Them (or Draco Malfoy's Guide to Stop Dying and Start Living Instead) by nerakrose and dustmouth (T, 96k)

Malfoy is way too interested in coroner reports for somebody who's definitely not looking for ways to die, Harry wants to be friends with him, and Ginny wants to break up with Harry.

Pages of You by @wolfpants (E, 101k)

Summer, 1980. Harry is floating between university and becoming a Real Certified Adult. He's not ready. He really isn't. In a desperate attempt to have the Best Last Summer ever, he takes a casual job at his godfather's bookshop in London, starts an illicit pen pal affair with a wordy posh boy that he's catching feelings for, all while dealing with the son of Sirius's business rival, one Draco Malfoy, insufferable know-it-all extraordinaire.

Rare pairs

With a Look by earlybloomingparentheses (Ginny + Deamus, E, 5k)

Now, twenty years old and done with boys and looking forward very much to putting her hand down some lucky girl’s shirt later this evening, Ginny looks at Dean Thomas’s gold-painted fingernails and feels heat pool between her legs.

Rebel Rebel by @teacup-tai (Sirius/Remus, E, 6k)

Sirius has just turned twenty and life is changing around him, blossoming, like Remus wrote in his last letter. This is a story about life and exploration, about feeling lost and finding oneself in other people's bodies, about building love and community. This is a story about hope and sex and growing up.

Independent Love Song by Writcraft (Ginny/Millicent, E, 6k)

Millicent Bulstrode is a tailor and Ginny is losing her mind over a woman in a tweed blazer and burgundy brogues.

testosterone (sounds like a spell) by pauraque (Justin/Hannah, E, 8k)

Justin never returned to Hogwarts after the Death Eaters came. He's found that the Muggle world offers other kinds of transfiguration — a body alchemy far more powerful than any magic spell. Sometimes he wonders if anyone even remembers that once, years ago, he was a novice wizard. As it turns out, one person does, and it's the one person he'd most want to.

Winter of '79 by Writcraft (James/Sirius, E, 17k)

Post-punk Britain is in the grip of another brutal winter, Thatcher is in power and Muggle gay bars keep getting raided for no reason at all. Sirius just wants to find somewhere to go drinking with the best mate he definitely doesn’t fancy. When they’re directed towards a tatty Soho sex shop during a night out, neither James or Sirius expect to find a magical street that will change their lives forever.

Pansy, Rows, and Mutual Wanking by @violetclarity and kysprite (Pansy/Hermione, E, 27k)

Eighth year. Hermione's ready. She's going to study, have fun with her friends, and ignore her new roommate's obnoxious wanking habits. And alright, maybe she wouldn't be so annoyed with it if she'd had any good sex in the past. But that doesn't mean she wants Pansy Parkinson to teach her how to wank… does it?

Friends of Dorothy by Writcraft (Harry/Snape, E, 22k)

When Harry Potter sees Severus Snape on a date with another wizard it sets him on a journey of self-discovery that leads to the Friends of Dorothy Detective Agency and a Niffler called Toto.

How We Were Warriors by Writcraft (Harry/Snape, E, 51k)

A homophobic attack in London’s Soho brings Harry to New York City to discover more about the past. Still haunted by love and loss in the eighties, Severus just wants to forget. In Manhattan’s Greenwich Village, past and present collide, and in one another Severus and Harry find hope for the future.

Play Me Like A Love Song by Writcraft (Minerva/Will, E, 68k)

Minerva McGonagall doesn’t believe in love at first sight, which is why her instant attraction to drag king Wilhelmina ("Will") Grubbly-Plank is so unexpected. War tears apart the wizarding world and as one battle ends Minerva and Will must fight once more, this time for the lives of their friends on Little Compton Street. A love story spanning five decades defined by music, laughter and tears, in which love is not always easy, but it’s always worth fighting for.

[cloudysonder]

On "Daddy Issues"

Ok, I know I'm a bit late to the game here, but I was gathering my thoughts after experiencing episode 5 and 6

Let me preface this with the fact that I am a Hazbin Hotel fan; it's cringe and it's not the best writing in the world, but I love the characters and the concept and the art. I know a lot of people disagree and completely despise it and hey, you do you, but this is a silly little thing I enjoy and think is fun

but oof. episode 5 and 6 were rough, execution-wise. Also worth mentioning that episode 5 followed on the heels of episode 4, which was dealing with a lot of heavy topics and gave Angel a lot of character development very quickly and had a wonderful song and a budding relationship between Husk and Angel that was fantastic, so to get a confusing and overwhelming yet completely inefficient episode (ep 5) and then an episode with SO MUCH HAPPENING that it absolutely bowled you over with plot points and world building that weren't given a single second to breathe was really disappointing. I'll put the meat under a read more, but that's the thesis

this post is just gonna be on episode 5, and I'll make another one on episode 6 bc christ almighty both of them are gonna be long

Episode 5 was something I was really looking forward to-- Of the main cast, Charlie and Vaggie seemed the least intriguing to me (oh, did I say "seemed" past tense? haha! they still most definitely are the least interesting!), and I wanted to see how they would introduce something they've been building up to for a while: Charlie's famed "Daddy issues"!

Turns out, instead of actually keeping it as a point of intrigue for Charlie's character and using it as a point of tension to show that hey, Charlie isn't actually a perfect person, and she's also in pain with the rest of the sinners because her own family relationships are falling apart, they solve it in a single episode. That's right! The long-awaited, complicated, divorced parent and child relationship that twisted Charlie into a validation seeking, people pleasing princess that "wants to fix other people so she doesn't have to deal with her own daddy issues" (quote by Husk) is solved with a charming performance by Jeremy Jordan and a song!

Look, it's no secret I'm a huge fan of Loser, Baby-- I clearly have no qualms with storytelling through song. But you cannot song-plain this one away. We've established over 4 episodes that Charlie and her father have kept in minimal contact for seven years. That's a Long time (don't go trying to be like, oh time to charlie works differently, bc that shit's not established, and everyone in the show still treats seven years like a long time). We know that the last time they called each other was 5 months ago.

"More than Anything," solves basically everything by making the following points

Charlie was inspired by her Dad's dreaming

Lucifer was ashamed of his failures and hid away from her

Lucifer does, however, want so so deeply to know Charlie

Charlie wants to know Lucifer

They love each other <3

these are fine endgame points. Dare I say... good endgame points to arrive at?? But you can't stuff ALL these revelations into a single song and call it a finished relationship arc when they haven't spoken for real in 7 YEARS. Also, making Lucifer so goofy and silly and fun and charming is Not helping the establishment of his character as a self-hating former dreamer who doesn't want his daughter to make the same mistakes he did. It just turns him to tumblr sexyman cute quirky sympathetic never did anything wrong and loves his daughter, completely downplaying his absentee parenting.

You can't have him turn from "I do not care about your life. I do not care about your project. I will not ask about your passions and your dreams. I am already ashamed of my own." to "ur so right bestie!!! dreaming is so slay mama!!! I love you so much you're my little baby girl I love you so much, you're right and I will support you!!!" in the course of a single episode without like.... at least 3 real, in depth conversations happening. The song is beautiful, but you can't poetry your way out of an actual relationship arc.

BUT! But, but but! The fault does not lie completely with Lucifer, but also with Charlie. girl just forgave him??? For everything????? Despite having been so scared to call him at the beginning of the episode? It's very unrealistic for a kid to just accept that a parent loves them apparently so so deeply when they've never seen proof of it in the last idk just spitballing a number here SEVEN YEARS. If you want to make the crux of a failed parent-child relationship miscommunication, you're gonna have to get into the ugly--- the grieving of what you could've had earlier, the wondering why you didn't reach out earlier, the anger at why they've suddenly changed now--- and you're gonna have to explain why the miscommunication went on so long.

sometimes, if you have a pair of completely uncommunicative people, seven years may be reasonable. But Charlie is open about her passions! She's public! She constantly reads about "The Story of Hell" and paints Lucifer in a positive light! And Lucifer is quick to reciprocate any interest Charlie shows in him! He's quick to offer help, to spoil Charlie and show love! (Lucifer's points are two points that make SEVEN YEARS of MINIMAL CONTACT and MISCOMMUNICATION make ZERO SENSE).

additionally, Charlie's lowkey only point of intrigue that was set up (her relationship to Lucifer, the King of Hell) is now just... kapoot. solved. pish posh. now she's a done character.

THEN EXPLAIN WHY I STILL DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT HER???? I haven't seen her actually struggle in a way that's not played off as a bit, we don't get a real charlie breakdown monologue, there are no stakes for me as a hazbin hotel viewer to want everything to go well for charlie besides my acab rad leftist ass being like redemption and forgiveness is good and ultimately benefits society

she's fun, she's bubbly, she's kind! but those are all basic things we knew from minute 1 she was on screen. I need to see her struggle. For a main character, she sure as hell doesn't feel main. And I expected better female characters from female writers (feat. in my next post, Vaggie????? What the hell?).

goodnight new york city, you've been great!

[bbutterflies]

major thank you to everyone who’s been so excited for my (second) fake dating adrino fic!! chapter 1 is up now on ao3 go read it it's so fun!

Everything I’ve wanted

Summary:

Nino really didn't mean to get himself tangled up in the life of someone like Adrien Agreste. But it was kind of hard to say no to dating him, even if it was all fake, when he learned that Adrien was more than just a hot model. He was funny and kind and patient and a great listener – but definitely nothing more than a fake boyfriend.

Excerpt below the cut!

Nino was kind of regretting coming to this bar. It had just opened and it had seemed cool at first, but the music sucked and he was bored. He’d only had one drink and was already debating just calling it a night as he waited at the bar for another drink. This bar was weird, anyway. Some kind of rich, exclusive-type deal, he was pretty sure? He’d been excited at the idea of going out and trying something new. He usually did with Alya and Marinette, but they’d both moved to New York for work months ago, and as happy as he was for them, he was lonely without them. He’d made the impulse decision on his night off to come here.

He wished he hadn’t now, after waiting outside of this bar for an hour and paying an insane cover to get in and now being bored and hating the music. He’d finish this drink he was waiting for, he decided, and then probably just head home.

The last thing he expected was for someone – a blond, green-eyed, drop-dead gorgeous someone – to come up to him. “I need a huge favor.”

Nino stared back at him. “Who are you?”

The man grinned, eyes shining. “Someone who’s about to be incredibly grateful for your help. Do you see that girl behind me who’s, like, definitely staring at me right now?”

Nino looked over his shoulder, and there definitely was a girl watching them. “Yeah?”

“I’m trying to be nice, but I’m not into her, and she won’t leave me alone. I may have told her you were my boyfriend. And she didn’t believe me.”

Nino snorted. The entire idea that this hot stranger was his boyfriend was laughable – Nino had barely even started coming out as bi, let alone flirting with boys enough to get a boyfriend. And this guy was definitely out of his league. “Well, because you’re a liar.”

“I happen to be a very famous liar and I promise I’ll make it worth your time if you play along.” He clasped his hands in front of his chest. “Please?”

Nino leaned on the bar. “Yeah? What do I get out of it?”

The man shrugged. “A kiss, maybe. If you want it.”

“Tempting,” Nino said, and he was only half joking. This guy was cute. The bartender was back with his drink, and, well, he had an idea. “You buy the rest of my drinks tonight.”

“Done.”

“Well then, babe,” Nino said, holding out the glass. “Here you go.”

“For me? You shouldn’t have.” He glanced at it. “Like, really, you shouldn’t have. What is that?”

“Um. Alcohol?”

He stuck out his tongue. “I mean, I’ll obviously cover your tab, but that looks disgusting.”

“You don’t even know what it is.”

“Yeah, I’m getting something else.”

Nino watched him flag down the bartender and order himself a drink (some stupid seltzer that totally made sense for him to drink). “Do I at least get to know my boyfriend’s name?” he asked when the man turned back to him, drink in hand.

“Adrien.”

“That’s a lot of syllables.”

“Excuse me? It’s not that long.”

Nino shrugged. “You need a good nickname. I’ll come up with something.”

“Mm-hm. Do I get to know your name?”

“You should’ve asked before you asked me out. Honestly, I’m not convinced this isn’t some super convoluted pick up line.”

“While I would absolutely use a pick up line as complicated as this, it’s unfortunately real. That girl seriously won’t leave me alone.” Adrien stole a glance over his shoulder and turned around quickly when he realized she was still staring. “Like, really? How has she not figured out I’m not interested?”

“You don’t like girls?”

“I just don’t like her, really. And she’s just so drunk. It felt weird.”

“Well, I appreciate you not flirting with girls at bars,” Nino joked.

Adrien blinked back at him. “What?”

“Because we’re dating?” Nino explained, giving Adrien a playful shove. “C’mon, Dri, you gotta keep up.”

[aether-friskets]

Why I Headcanon Waylon Park as a Trans Guy?

it came to me in a dream.

ok but jokes aside (well not entirely it DID actually originate because of a dream i had getting interrupted by a nonexistent video essay on the topic... dreams are weird man), i do want to try talking about my reasoning for this (although it's totally legit to hc a character as trans purely because you want to!! thats totally based also lol), because maybe it'd be interesting to hear the lens through which i saw this game? idk lol but i'm doing it anyway... below the cut in case it gets long

Ok immediate prefaces, A: i doubt this was actually the intended at all and i'm not trying to say it's canon, just saying why i read it that way :3 and B: this will probably be a rambling mess and I apologize, I'll try to make it somewhat make sense.

I guess I'll start with: a whole major thing of Outlast, is fighting to tear down this large corporation, that is like. the embodiment of shitty systems that exploit people (this post by bry mentions that general topic, although more focused on miles' angle). It's worth noting because, to me at least, fighting these sorts of systems really aligns with a lot of queer folks (and basically any group that gets fucked over by the system, which is most of them loll). There's like, this whole thing of Waylon seemingly fitting that image of the ideal typical man, with the wife and kids and a job, but he has to risk all of that to do what he feels is the right thing.

(Oh yeah, I guess quick tangent on that note. Yes I know in canon we literally see his dick lmao and also we know he has kids, which you might think would deter my hc here. but A: i already said ik it's probably not canon, i can still read into it regardless. B: intersex ppl exist. C: phalloplasty and other similar procedures exist. D: ppl can have kids in non-traditional way. so im prob not gonna cover that element of it more)

My brain hasn't been able to help but interpret his whole journey in a queer way, because i played it as a teenager still in the throes of understanding my identity and place in the world, so in the end this might not even make sense to anyone else. But, I'm trying to explain, so I'll continue to regardless.

I kind of saw it as Waylon hiding in the protection of an "ideal" life. On the surface he looks like he's in that American ideal family, but it's a subversion. He's only one of them because they think he is. Because he doesn't step out of line. Unlike Miles, who's more outspoken about issues, who seemingly has no one around him. He's treated as part of this "ideal" world, while working in the background to try and stop the exploitation and immoral acts going on.

When he's caught, when he's seen as something more complicated than first imagined, he's cast out. Lumped in with the same people being exploited by Murkoff already. He isn't "human" to them anymore. He's something else. Something they don't like.

Although the violence brought upon him is by the variants, it is still in part Murkoff's doing, since they fucked these people up via these experiments to a point of heightened violence and just generally ruining their lives more than they already had been by whatever they had done prior. That being said, they are still responsible for their own actions.

the stuff with Eddie is definitely the part that most resonated with me through this lens. I remember first playing it, and he scared me the most, for a lot of reasons. One of which being what he represented. He's The Groom. He wants someone to be his Bride, and you're it, even if you don't want that. As someone who's aroace AND already knew at that point that i wasn't a girl, this guy felt like a human embodiment of the pressures to fit what was expected of you. That one day, you'll be married and have kids. If you don't, then you're worthless.

But it's interesting especially, because Waylon IS married. He has kids already. He has that family. The difference is, in this hypothetical trans lens, he's not "really" in a traditional family. He's "pretending", as some might see it, because he's not "really one of them". Being Eddie's Bride is the situation that would've been expected of him, but he said "fuck that", and did his own thing.

Plus, like, with Eddie in particular, you will NEVER be what he wants. He will try to make his perfect bride, but you'll never be it. Even before Mount Massive, no one was what he wanted, judging by all the people he killed. He's a broken man desiring something but never liking his options.

Also just fucking. these lines from eddie make me lose my mind.

That part of you the world sees, they think it's perfect. As God intended. Even these idiots and lunatics see it. There's something special about you. On the surface. But when they look deeper, when anybody with eyes to see looks at what you truly are. That's why they don't trust you. You're not what you're meant to be. Not yet. This place can see into your mind. And the things you've done. Oh, they're a sin, darling.

like HELLO??

I know it's probably just Eddie rambling but it felt like he reached through the screen and grabbed me by the throat like.

Anyway in actual relation to my point. uh. Remember the thing I said about Waylon being a "fake" typical family? This kind of relates to that. Like, on the surface, he seems like he's got this perfect typical American family, he's "as God intended" (which. bro. i swear that exact phrase has been used against trans people so many times). But if you look closer, you'll realize there's more to it than that. Also like, going from the "as God intended" line to the thing about the things he's done being a sin, like hmmm. Maybe I'm reading into that too much, considering we know Eddie wants to make you into his Bride, so of course he's gonna think stuff like that. But still. It's a bit interesting to me.

Plus, it's interesting how, despite having a wife and kids, he's still more... feminized, I guess, than any other characters in this game. Both in the game itself, and within the fandom. Like, not just Eddie literally calling him a woman and trying to make him his bride, but also stuff like a variant near the beginning calling him a "pretty flower" before threatening him, Andrew (one of the staff) licking his face at the beginning of the game... A lot of violence and sexual-ish acts that are often directed at women in media. Even Frank, who I don't have as much to say about here, has some weirdly sexual undertones to his whole cannibalism thing.

This isn't entirely related but one part of the game that still sticks with me but I don't see mentioned as much, is near the beginning. Those guys stabbing the dead staff member. One of them remarks that "there are no observers here" and "do you think you're different? Something special?", which I think helps cement the whole idea that he's treated the same as the rest of people being exploited by Murkoff now. There's no turning back to that "ideal" life you were hiding in before. Hell, that's definitely reinforced more at the end of the game, when you choose to publish your footage, knowing Murkoff will come after you for it, and probably ruin your life. Maybe there's more interesting things to glean from that, but i thought they were interesting lines nonetheless.

anyway, overall I know this is probably just the ramblings of a trans/generally queer person reading WAY too much into a character that I happened to resonate with when i played the game, but i thought maybe it would be interesting for others to understand what would lead me to this conclusion? Anyway, that's all i've got on the subject right now, so I hope it was at least a little interesting.

[aliflower88]

Royai Fanfic Recommendations:

I've posted this in parts before but since it's royai week I thought I'd do a complete fic rec list, enjoy!!

Delicate:

Summary: Riza's upbringing leaves her with scars.

  Most have already read this one since it's so popular, but if not it's a character study of Riza that spans from her early childhood to post-canon. It honestly gives so much more depth and meaning to Riza's character as well as her relationship with Roy.

 Our embalmed hearts, our desolate kingdoms

Summary: "He leans back, palms connecting with the concrete, and looks up over their city, their desolate kingdom. In the rain, Central City might as well be the ruins of Xerxes, empty and grey, and he and she may as well be the last two people on earth."

Or, Love in the Time of Giant Robots

   This fic is an Evangelion au and it absolutely destroyed me. The way the relationships between the characters are written is so complex and interesting. It’s a fantastic slow burn and story overall. A strong contender for my favourite fic of all time. ( + it’s still really great even if you've never watched Eva.)

Dismantle the Sun

Summary: Dairut is a crossroads. A settlement on the border of Amestris and the Great Desert, a hub of Ishvalan and Xerxian history, it is a place caught between past regret and future hope.

In Central City, Roy Mustang and Riza Hawkeye prepare to return to Ishval for the first time. In Resembool, Edward Elric navigates the complicated minutia of his personal life, but remains unable to shake the feeling that his work in Amestris is not yet finished. In Dairut, Miles and the new Muhaddith break ground on Al’Arshif, the sacred Archive, in the hope of restoring a sense of continuity to their long-suffering people.

Then archeologist Winnie Stokes uncovers an ancient relic in the desert. Then a mysterious cult called the Risen strip Captain Hawkeye from the Flame Alchemist’s side. Then something monstrous begins to stir in the mind of Selim Bradley. Five years after the Promised Day, Ed, Roy, and Miles must face an evil of apocalyptic scale, before it destroys everything they’ve worked for, and everyone they hold dear.

Dairut is a crossroads. But Dairut is also the end of the line. Things are changing in Amestris, and not everyone will survive.

   My all-time favourite post-canon fic! It has stunning writing and a super well-thought-out plot. It's so much more than royai and even if that is all you're looking for I still urge you to read this incredible story.

The Amestrian Candidate:

Summary: General Roy Mustang—charming, intelligent, heroic—is predicted to be the next Fuhrer of Amestris. But a series of acts of terrorism drive the General into a ruthless race against a magnetic opponent. Mustang and his team scramble to salvage a campaign in the face of rising nationalism, scandal, and international tension. If they succeed, they can save an infant democracy from collapse. Mustang must consider what and whom he is willing to sacrifice, and he must ask himself the most difficult question of his life: can one be a good politician and a good man?

  This fic has an intriguing plot and painfully realistic post-canon politics. I always have preferred romance within a larger plot and this story executes that perfectly.

Homefront:

Summary: Miss Riza's arrival in Resembool has the potential to ruin everything.

  Riza becomes Ed and Al’s caretaker after their mother passes. This fic is wonderful, it feels historically accurate which is great and if you are a fan of parental Riza then you'll definitely enjoy this.

We That Are Young:

Summary: It's a well-known fact that innocents make poor soldiers. Fortunately, Riza Hawkeye's childhood was not entirely innocent. She had to grow up fast... though she wasn't the only one. The early years of the Colonel and his First Lieutenant.

  I believe this was written before Brotherhood so there are a few discrepancies between it and canon but it's definitely still worth the read. The fic details Roy and Riza’s life from ages 3 and 8 to 13 and 17. And is a wonderful coming-of-age story though upsetting at times. 

Beautiful People 

Summary: Soon after the conclusion of the Ishvalan Civil War, Captain Maes Hughes receives a phone call in the middle of the night. The message is short, concise... and perhaps the most terrifying thing Hughes has ever heard.

Hawkeye's apartment. Now. Come alone. Someone has been hurt.

A promise was once made amidst the sands of a distant desert land: oaths will be upheld, and secrets will be scorched away. The sinful had waited too long; Roy Mustang was indebted to his promise, and Riza Hawkeye had come to collect.

  This is probably my favourite depiction of Roy burning Riza's back that I've read. It's super intense and vivid, I really loved it!! 

Baby Your a Haunted House: 

Summary: Riza Hawkeye, aged 11, knows two things:

1. Roy Mustang is a useless city-kid

2. There's a haint in the woods

Roy Mustang, aged 15, knows, beyond a shadow of a doubt that there's no such thing as ghosts.

  This fic has excellent writing and a wonderfully creepy atmosphere. I've re-read it many, many times. (also I adore feral young Riza and this definitely delivers on that.)

When Thou Shalt Come To Judge the World By Fire

Summary: Roy was silent, unable to answer. Hughes was right. There hadn’t been any other girl for him, not really. Something about her. Something about Riza Hawkeye that made her so much more than a memory.

Hughes leaned against the bar, shadows lengthening on his face. “So, what was it? What ruined dating? A regret, or a promise?”

   Pre-canon royai with absolutely gorgeous writing! I adore the depiction of each period in their lives from the time they spent with Berthold to Ishval to before Ed and Al. It's all done perfectly. 

Order 3066

Summary: Everyone who returned from Ishval changed, and Riza Hawkeye was no different. She caused more deaths than any other person - not only with her own hands but also with the weapon she unleashed upon the world. No one could return from a massacre like that the way they were before.

  This fic is a really good exploration of Roy and Riza's time in Ishval. The characterization is great and their descent into war criminals is very well done.

Atlas

Summary: After six years apart, intelligence agent Roy Mustang attempts to rebuild his relationship with a former partner. But when past and present intertwine, their reunion triggers one of life's most difficult decisions: duty or family.

  The dual timeline of younger royai and older royal in this au is super interesting. This fic is exciting, heartwarming and a really well-crafted story.

Not All of Me Will End:

Summary: Nothing remains of her but what must be left behind.

  In this fic, Riza gets cancer and passes away. I rarely feel sad when reading or watching emotional things but this made me cry. It's beautifully written and made in a way that feels so personal, as though Riza was a real person. It’s a difficult read but ends on a relatively hopeful note.

The Lathe of Hell

Summary: 1908 • Ishval

An uneasy ceasefire grips the ruins of Ishval, but near the medical station at Daliha, Amestrian soldiers are dying. Desperate to avoid unnecessary bloodshed, the 27th Infantry Division sends Riza Hawkeye and Solf J. Kimblee to smoke the assassin out.

But Roy Mustang suspects Kimblee's aim isn't the death of one rogue Ishvalan.

For Hawkeye has a secret, one the Crimson Alchemist hungers for... a power forged in fire.

This is one of the two great labyrinths into which human minds are drawn: the question of duty versus predestination...

There is an old story... perhaps you've heard of it. A man falls asleep and loses his way on the journey through life. He encounters a poet and the two begin a series of travels through Hell where they witness the many punishments for those who disobeyed God during their lives.

   I adore Kimblee in this fic. I know this list is about royai but seeing him interact with them is super interesting. 

Ex Tempore 

Summary: Riza Hawkeye comes into the possession of a family heirloom upon her grandfather's final words: "Keep him safe." Confused and grief-stricken, Riza finds herself pulled in time to Prohibition Era New York, recovering from a gang-related firefight under the care of Dr. Roy Mustang, a reluctant member of the Hughes-Mustang crime family and a self-proclaimed guardian to two boys by the names of Edward and Alphonse.

    This is a 1920s mafia/time travel au, it has such a fun premise that is executed really really well.

Here Dead We Lie

  Following a disastrous operation in Aerugo, Colonel Mustang wakes from a coma to discover his world has fallen apart. Under the shadow of the state, he tries to find impossible answers before it is too late.

   This fic has a brilliant story but is also very very dark so be warned before starting this fic. If angst is your thing though definitely check it out!

[verdantcrimson]

Heaven and Earth / Discernment of Heaven and Earth - 5

(Unproofread)

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Kuro: Sorry ‘bout that… But well, and I’m not just sayin’ this ‘cause I fell asleep, this is a pretty poor showin’, ain’t it?

Kuro: If we air this, the show and our own reputation might go down, but it definitely won’t go up.

Keito: You have a point… It’s a pity, but all this has done is reaffirm the fact that we need the ‘Three Sages’ in order to make ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’ a reality.

Souma: ‘Tis easier said than done. That an amateur would be unable to create a popular yet timeless TV show from scratch comes as no surprise.

Keito: Yes. I knew that from the very beginning though.

Keito: Moving on, we decided to make a version of the show as Ieyasu-sensei suggested we do.

Kuro: …… Dude said not to change the content of ‘Rumblin’ Heaven and Earth.’

Kuro: But as it stands, we don’t really gotta go out of our way to recreate anythin’ when we can just air old episodes of the show—

Keito: Exactly. So we ended up recording nothing.

Souma: As of now, the ‘Three Sages’ have proven themselves to be utterly uncooperative. If, perchance, we were to request the involvement of all three parties, it remains unclear whether they would do their utmost as they did once before.

Keito: Indeed. Therefore, we passed over Ieyasu’s proposal, and are currently creating a version based on Hideyoshi and Nobunaga’s proposals.

Souma: As the one in charge, I became personally acquainted with her. That she would change her troublesome intent— I attempted to persuade her.

Keito: Yes. I heard from your report that Nobunaga-sensei wants to create a show with more of a visual focus.

Souma: That appears to be the case. As I listened to her speak, I was quite impressed by her persuasiveness.

Keito: Honestly, I think that’s a pretty good idea. We start off with the visuals or whatever works, because unless we capture the attention of the audience, we won’t be able to start much.

Kuro: Yeah. Ieyasu-sensei said that too— The show won’t have a future if it turns into somethin’ only old crazy folk’ll watch.

Keito: Hm? That’s odd. I thought Ieyasu-sensei was the conservative type?

Kuro: He’s just actin’ like that on purpose, waitin’ for the youth to get all riled up.

Kuro: And now Nobunaga-sensei, who didn’t even wanna participate, is actively suggestin’ ideas. Seems like Ieyasu-sensei’s idea was fairly successful.

Keito: Hehe. That’s the kind of wisdom you would expect from someone his age. So he isn’t just a hard-headed old man after all.

Kuro: Yeah, I was pretty impressed.

Kuro: I know Nobunaga-sensei seems like she wants to get rid of all the old people, but ya really can’t mess with the wisdom of your grandparents with loads of life experience.

Souma: Umu, They do say experience is the mother of all wisdom.¹

Souma: Now then, Hasumi-dono, what would Hideyoshi-sensei’s proposal happen to be?

Souma: I have yet to understand it properly.

Kuro: I think ya said somethin’ about collaboration’ with a mangaka?

Keito: Correct. Hideyoshi-sensei talks so much that I felt myself being drawn in, so it was rather difficult for me to parse and summarize what his arguments were.

Keito: But simply put, Hideyoshi-sensei’s proposal is what is known as a ‘media mix strategy.’

Keito: We turn ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’ into an anime or manga, increasing its accessibility. 

Keito: Even people who aren’t interested in complicated educational programs will give an anime a shot if it’s on TV or available on the internet.

Keito: If they purchase manga magazines, they’re likely to read through it, even if they aren’t necessarily interested in every work published.

Kuro: ‘Cause ya wanna get your money’s worth. And if it’s on the internet for free, may as well take a look durin’ your spare time.

Keito: Right. You’d have more reason to do it if your favorite mangaka is drawing it, or if there’s a character being played by your favorite voice actor.

Keito: And so, by presenting works related to ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’ in various forms of media, we create more accessibility, more points of entry, and increase the number of people interested.

Keito: That’s the gist of what a media mix strategy is. It’s one of the oldest advertising strategies there is, so much so that at a point in time, nearly every company was doing it.

Keito: Nobody wants to read complicated text, so they turn it into manga, that’s how it goes.

Souma: Truthfully, this does seem to be rather effective.

Souma: There is a problem, however. Hideyoshi-sensei’s proposal speaks only of how to market and advertise the show, with nary a mention of its contents.

Souma: If it were indeed made into a manga, what manner of content would it contain?

Keito: Impressive that you noticed, Kanzaki. Good work. Naturally, this was a concern of mine at the time too.

Keito: However, Hideyoshi-sensei left that part to us, saying, “That’s up to you guys to think about.”

Keito: In essence, all that fellow cares about is how to make money.

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Translation Notes:

Souma actually says 亀の甲より年の功 (kamenoko yori toshinoko) which literally translates to 'experience is more valuable than a turtle's shell'. There isn't a particularly interesting origin to this proverb, it just so happens that 'turtle's shell' (亀の甲) rhymes with 'experience' (年の功). Souma using a turtle related proverb was cute enough to be worth pointing out though.

[stephiethewephie]

Piper’s Relationship With Each Character: Part 3

SORRY I HAVEN'T BEEN POSTING! REALLY BUSY!!! I also had trouble figuring out what her relationship would be with these characters since I haven't really thought of it. I also have not finished book 6, so these may change after I finish reading it. Anyways, time for Scarabia and Pomefiore Part 1, Part 2, Part 4

Kalim:

Piper gets along rather nicely with Kalim since he's one of the nicer students on campus. They both have similar personalities as well, radiating positivity and compassion. The only problem is Kalim can be a bit... much for Piper at times. He is a lot more extroverted and hyperactive than Piper, which can cause her to become overstimulated and overwhelmed by his antics and grand gestures at times. For example, when she said she used to do little parades for special occasions, she did not mean one with elephants, peacocks, and too much noise.

Unlike Floyd, Kalim never intends to make her upset and usually apologizes profusely if he thinks he did anything to make her uncomfortable. Once learning about her boundaries, Kalim tries his best abide by them, even if he does slip into his old habits from time to time and Piper has to bring him back to reality (when she herself isn't lost in thought that is)! Overall, very good friends!

Jamil:

Now this one's complicated. On one hand, she appreciates how grounded Jamil is and how hard he works to keep not only Scarabia, but the rest of the school from going into too much chaos. On the other, he's one of the people that caused said chaos. While she has since forgiven him for his actions and understands why he did it (she herself has secretly always wanted to do more than just serve others), she still feels a little shooken up whenever she is around him. He did mind control her and toss her into the middle of the desert to die after all. Even though it did get her adventurous heart blazing, she will admit that it was mostly an overwhelming experience.

Still, she does make an effort to try and make a connection by helping Jamil with his chores now and then, which he greatly appreciates. He's also one to assist her if she is having any trouble. Baby steps, but they are getting better.

Vil:

Piper was used to being taken advantage of helping out the popular students in her class back in her world, so that's what she did with Vil. Pretty much the entirety of Book 5 consisted of her being an unpaid assistant to Vil. It wasn't until Chapter 6 that she realized their relationship was much more than that. Vil saw Piper's worth and helped her achieve it.

While his strict ways of bringing out her full beauty and potential was a bit much at first, Piper surprisingly found herself pushing forward and wanting to prove to not just Vil, but herself that she was capable of being more than a servant to others. Something that she has never once wanted to do. That's Vil's super power I guess! She takes all of Vil's advice to heart! She definitely now has clearer skin since she met Vil.

Epel:

While she doesn't live on a farm in her world, Piper's family did feature their bee keeping buisness in a lot of farmer's markets and worked with farmers in their area when they had the chance. So, she and Epel definitely bonded over that. Also the fact that their families harvest a specific food and use them in their recipes (apples and honey).

She felt bad for the way Vil treated him in the beginning and still feels guilty for not helping him after he ran away. But, she made some honey apple pie afterwards for him, so it's all good now. She encourages Epel to be himself when he is around her and doesn't call him cute. They share stories from their hometowns and Piper feels a a sense of peace that at least one part of this world is similar to hers. Farm buddied for life!

Rook:

Rook is an interesting one. Piper has never really received a compliment outside of her family. So, hearing this French man saying that she is beautiful every 2 minutes she is around him is definitely unusual to say the least. Like, she needs to be gradually exposed to compliments, not a complete 180 from her original life.

Every time she thinks she has gotten used to his compliments, Rook brings out another one which leaves her internally screaming and trying to push those compliments away. Not to say she doesn't like it, it's just a lot. As she became more confident in herself, she started to believe those compliments Rook gave and took them to heart. She's still gets a bit embarrassed when they come up, however.

[thh-despair-au]

Hm..about the remnants in order of most likely to survive a encounter with them to your dead if you even look at them

Ooo interesting question! Note that all of them are dangerous and deadly but some are more than others!

This is from the viewpoint of someone who isn't part of the future foundation

Kiyotaka: he needs the civilians for his resistance against the ff, he wouldn't dare to hurt you unless you resisted against him

Izuru: he is an observer between hope and despair. He doesn't have any interest in killing, just leave him be

Sayaka: getting face to face with her is difficult in the first place but she isn't one to immediately attack unless she wants to. Not that she will be the one to do that anyways, she could always send a fan or a bodyguard

Toko: she herself spents most of the time writing in a room and doesn't have much interest in actually killing, herself. Genocider though still kills despite not being a remnant of despair so just be careful of which one you're currently facing. Don't underestimate toko though, she will fight if she sees no other choice

Chihiro: although he is in his room every minute and can't fight, he has a loyal bodyguard that deals with intruders. And he will have no problem sending him after you if you enter his space. Afterall it's full with important information about everything, allies and enemies alike

Kyoko: she's a bit complicated because as a future foundation member she is careful of her actions and how she spreads despair which is why it's unlikely for her to recklessly kill someone. But she will find a way if she deems it as necessary

Byakuya: he himself won't fight and doesn't act rashly either. But unlike the previous ones, he will easily command someone to kill you if you're not a significant person. He only keeps those temporarily alive who have important information or are people in high positions. However all of this happens only if you even manage to get close to him

Celeste: once you're in her grasp it's nearly impossible to escape and your fate will be determined by luck. If you win and she sees worth in you she might make you into a lower ranking servant but otherwise death would be an appropriate punishment for those who couldn't prove themselves to her highness. And there's no way to tell when you could end up in her base

Yasuhiro: although he doesn't seem like a strong person, he's an experienced scammer and trickster. Once you somehow find yourself in his tent (by being kidnapped) he will make the illusion of a choice. But it never mattered in the first place because working is hard and he will charge you with your life no matter if you accept his service of fortune reading or not

Hifumi: he is an artist and will never pass out on another gory illustration or even sculpture. Once he sees you, you can already guess that the thought of making you his next work of art is crossing his mind and it's definitely recommendable to get as far away as possible. Because depending on how drawn he is to you, he will chase you

Leon: the streets are his new arena and despite not even liking baseball he will not pass out on the opportunity of pitching at random people if he's bored and/or needs amusement. A difficult one to spot sometimes since he could also kill you from a fair distance and as an athlete you can just pray to get out alive

Aoi: she is mainly targeting the ff members but depending on your stance regarding despair she could also attack you. Experienced in several kinds of sports, it's nearly impossible to survive unless she wants you to escape

Sakura: she doesn't act impulsive and like aoi only targets ff members. But once she sets her target as you, prepare your grave because it's impossible to survive this

Mondo: he is physically strong, has a lot of men on his side and act impulsive too. Not to mention that his targets mainly consists of civilians. He will control himself the least so him would actually be the hardest to survive

[litfeathers]

Behind the scenes of Evelyn's Journal

Since this was a bigger project, I thought I'd make a behind the scenes post to talk about how it came together, and share some easter eggs!

———

Firstly, I want to impress how long it took to record and edit this thing. An almost 15 minute long runtime is a MARATHON! It was a lot of work, but also a lot of fun and definitely worth it!

———

The wanted poster and meetinghouse graffiti are direct references to my fic A Most Certain, Strange, and True Discovery of a Witch. This is the poster Evelyn grabbed on her little vandalism excursion:

———

The frustrated look that Evelyn described Caleb making was this absolute classic:

(the wet cat gene is strong)

———

Evelyn’s bird drawings are a reference to her book of bird sketches from my fic There Are Owls and Witches in These Woods. Her sketch book has been passed down the generations of the Clawthorne family, and is my explanation for why they all have human realm bird palismen! They use her book for ideas! :D

———

Did anyone notice something special or significant about the day Evelyn and Caleb had their picnic? 😏

———

There is an AU where I kept this in /j

———

This is a cut line. I am not sure if this is me talking at the end, or Evelyn lmao

———

...the reason I was watching Elsewhere and Elsewhen in my sound booth? I was listening to Philip’s accent to figure out how Evelyn would imitate Caleb ahahahha

———

If you…let’s say…recognize Evelyn’s cackle?

*Slowly puts her finger on her lips*

Shh. No. No, you don’t. /lh

———

The light spells poofing at the end? That is actually Eda de-transforming from harpy mode at the end of Reaching Out! It was such a nice, clean poof! No background music or dialogue to work around! *chef kiss*

———

If you've read my fics, you can consider this story an alternate ending for There are Owls and Witches in These Woods. Everything up to the week in which this journal was written remains the same. There is a divergence when Evelyn decides she needs to protect Caleb by breaking off their friendship. Let’s just say that evening played out very differently. I'll let you guess and imagine for yourself what happened when Evelyn tried to break things off with Caleb. But I will give you this hint: his wish was very important. 😉

———

This is the sketch I sent @bananadramaaa to show what I wanted for the cover art. Behold my artistic skills:

It was so cool to watch the cover art come to life! It was only the second time I’ve ever commissioned an artist (and first time commissioning something complicated), and it was such a positive experience! If you need art for something and their commissions are open, I HIGHLY recommend them!

(Also we snuck a few easter eggs into the art ehehehe)

———

And it's time for some final thoughts.

I wanted to do something REALLY cool to sort of…I guess serve as a love letter to The Owl House? This show has been an amazing ride, and I wanted to create something as cool as I could to show my appreciation!

I wanted to show my gratitude to this silly, funny, wonderful, heartwarming show for existing. And to thank it for getting me writing and voice acting again. I am so grateful I decided to sit down and watch it last summer. I was lured in with the promise of witches and magic and owls, and ended up with a story that spoke to me so deeply.

Thank you, Dana. Thank you, crew.

And for anyone who made it this far, thanks for checking out my silly recording, and for being interested in my rambling. I hope you had fun!

Seriously. Thank you. 🔥🪶

[alliluyevas]

3, 6, and 16 for the book asks?

What were your top five books of the year?

The Hemingses of Monticello: An American Family by Annette Gordon-Reed (2008).

My parents and I went to Monticello about a month ago and I picked this up in the gift shop. My parents had visited in 1972 (my dad) and 1991 (my mom) and I had never been, and obviously a LOT has changed in how they talk about history at Monticello in the last 30-50 years. I think that the current exhibitions and tours at the site are really doing a good job of engaging with the stories of the enslaved people who lived at Monticello, both Sally Hemings and her children + the extended Hemings family and members of other families, but I definitely wanted to know more. (side note: for my Virginia/DMV followers or anyone who ever happens to be in the Charlottesville area, it is really worth visiting! Absolutely fascinating and they're doing great public history work.)

I literally could not put this book down, I read it in a week while working full time and finishing up graduate school applications. It's beautifully written and absolutely captivating. Gordon-Reed does fantastic work both with existing primary sources and fleshing out some of the things we will never know because no one wrote or spoke about them. It's a deeply sad story and left me feeling very raw, but also thinking about resilience and the eternal complexities of the human heart.

Sally in Three Worlds: An Indian Captive in the House of Brigham Young by Virginia Kerns (2021).

Copy-pasting my Goodreads review: This is an incredibly powerful book that tries to give voice to the story of a woman who was profoundly marginalized both in life and in history, and to the complex dynamics between peoples as Mormon settlers colonized Utah. Kerns does a magnificent job of weaving Sally's story out of source material that is rich in many respects and deeply limited in others. Her writing style is also really compelling: lyrical, poetic, and deeply felt. It also gave me a completely new frame of reference for the history of women in Mormonism and for the dynamics of the Young household. A deeply upsetting book but also one I could not recommend enough.

I actually posted about this last night, but there are a lot of interesting thematic similarities between this book and Hemingses of Monticello. Again, directly copy-pasting from last night's post: They're about very different cultural contexts but deal with similar subjects in many ways: race, gender, slavery, and very complicated familial dynamics...I think both books also do a really good job of portraying the life of a woman (poignantly, the two women actually share the same first name) who left nothing in her own words.

I used the word "painful intimacy" in my first post about Sally in Three Worlds, and I think it very much applies to the household dynamics portrayed in both books.

Like a Fiery Meteor: The Life of Joseph F. Smith by Stephen Taysom (2023).

Again, stealing from my own Goodreads review (I'm the only person who has reviewed this book on GR, rip): I think a non-hagiographical full-length biography of Joseph F. Smith was long overdue, and I was very excited to read this, but I did not expect to find it as emotionally compelling and thought-provoking as I did. Taysom does a fantastic job of telling the story not just of Joseph F., who comes off by turns as both deeply sympathetic and deeply unlikable, but of his expansive polygamist family and their environment. I think this was a very compassionate, nuanced portrait of someone who had deep and profound unaddressed trauma that affected his whole life, and who was capable of both overwhelming love and cruel, controlling and even violent behavior towards his loved ones. I think the book is very aware of that dichotomy and the factors that shaped Joseph F.'s life and choices and is full of really fantastic analysis. I thought the discussion of gender roles and how they related to Joseph F.'s struggles with both anger and anxiety and his interpretation of those feelings was particularly well-done.

These were definitely my top three books of the year, and honestly just fantastic works of historical/biographical storytelling period. I read Sally in Three Worlds in May, Fiery Meteor in June, and Hemingses of Monticello a month ago, and all three of the books have really stuck with me. They're all quite haunting, and very thought-provoking, even months later.

Go Down, Moses by William Faulkner (1942).

I read this much earlier in the year, but again it actually intersects really well as a fictional counterpart to The Hemingses of Monticello. Go Down, Moses is a novel formed out of seven interconnected short stories, centering on the black and white halves of the same family, unacknowledged cousins. I've loved Faulkner's writing since high school (well, really since I read A Rose for Emily in seventh grade, but I read The Sound and the Fury in high school) and I wanted to expand my exposure to his work. I have yet to read anything by Faulkner where I wasn't just blown away by the literary quality of his prose, and I think the interlocking stories setup of the book was very effective.

I did think back to this book and Southern Gothic in general several times while reading about the Hemings-Jefferson family--it's not like I wasn't aware of the historical context behind southern gothic as a genre but it really made it very explicit. Especially during the parts of the book talking about Jefferson's white family and their efforts to create a family legacy that explicitly left out the Hemings relatives, and then thinking about future generations of white southerners like Faulkner engaging--or not engaging--with this past. Like--this is the ghost haunting the house, this is the rot at the heart of the family tree.

Luncheon of the Boating Party by Susan Vreeland (2007).

This feels a bit odd thematically tacked on at the end here, because while it's not like this book is just totally light-hearted, it's not literally about intensely traumatic interpersonal relationships in the way that the previous four are. It is, however, a really great historical fiction novel! It's about the creation of the painting by Pierre-Auguste Renoir that shares the same title, with several narrators--Renoir and some of the people who sat for the painting--telling an overlapping story. The prose is fantastic, which you don't see as often as I'd like in histfic, I really felt the rich sensory development of the historical world, and Vreeland does a great job of fleshing out complex and compelling characters and relationships.

Was there anything you meant to read, but never got to?

Oh, so much, lol. As well as long-term TBR stuff that will roll over to next year, there are a couple newly released books that I just picked up from the library that I hope to read in the next couple weeks before the year is over/before they go back to the library. (The Vaster Wilds and Master Slave Husband Wife. I can't renew them because they're "hot picks" and a bunch of other people have them on hold.)

What is the most over-hyped book you read this year?

I already answered this one in a previous ask, and honestly I can't think of another book I read that I would call over-hyped per se.

[mediaevalmusereads]

Forbidden. By Beverly Jenkins. Avon, 2016.

Rating: 3/5 stars

Genre: historical romance

Part of a Series? Yes, Old West #1

Summary: Rhine Fontaine is building the successful life he's always dreamed of—one that depends upon him passing for White. But for the first time in years, he wishes he could step out from behind the façade. The reason: Eddy Carmichael, the young woman he rescued in the desert. Outspoken, defiant, and beautiful, Eddy tempts Rhine in ways that could cost him everything . . . and the price seems worth paying.

Eddy owes her life to Rhine, but she won't risk her heart for him. As soon as she's saved enough money from her cooking, she'll leave this Nevada town and move to California. No matter how handsome he is, no matter how fiery the heat between them, Rhine will never be hers. Giving in for just one night might quench this longing. Or it might ignite an affair as reckless and irresistible as it is forbidden...

***Full review below.***

Content Warnings: rape threat, explicit sexual content, racism (including the n-word), allusions to slavery, violence

Overview: I wanted to read more Beverly Jenkins after completing Something Like Love, so I picked up Forbidden because it had an interesting premise. Overall, a lot of the things I liked and disliked were similar to those I liked and disliked about my previous read. While I appreciate the stories Jenkins is trying to tell and I adore her heroines, I just don't think her writing style is for me. Thus, I'm rating this book only 3 stars.

Writing: My main criticism of the prose in this book is similar to the points I made for Something Like Love. While I don't think Jenkins's writing is atypical for the romance genre, it also just wasn't to my personal tastes. I felt that Jenkins told more than showed, and pacing felt fairly uniform.

Plot: The plot of this book follows Eddy Carmichael, a skilled cook who dreams of starting her own restaurant in California. Eddy has just enough money saved when tragedy strikes at the beginning if the book: she is robbed, and so, she is forced to rely on the kindness of strangers to make it from Colorado to San Francisco in post-Civil War America.

What I liked about this plot was the way Jenkins used the setting to explore racial dynamics and Rhine's identity. Rhine isn't directly subjected to racism in Virginia City because he passes, but he does get a nasty peek at what white people say to one another. There is also plenty of discussion about colorism, and I appreciated these topics being tackled head-on in a romance novel.

Unfortunately, she is tricked by some strangers and is left penniless and wandering in the desert. Luckily, she is rescued by Rhine Fontaine and his business partner. Rhine is mixed race and passes as White, and he uses that privilege to make a life for himself and free Black folks in the multicultural town of Virginia City, Nevada. He helps Eddy land a job cooking for a boarding house in Virginia City while she saves up enough money to venture west again, and during that time, the two find themselves attracted to one another. Things are further complicated because Rhine has a rich white fiancée who doesn't know about his parentage, and Eddy is being courted by the local Black carpenter/architect. Shenanigans ensue.

That being said, I didn't quite feel like I was reading a tightly-plotted narrative. Most of the time, I felt like I was reading about the day to day lives of our characters, and while some events are interesting, I didn't get the sense that plot points were building on one another to create a story. Maybe this ambling pace will appeal to some readers, but personally, I wanted a bit more.

Character: Eddy, our heroine, is easy to root for in that she has a definite goal and works extremely hard to meet it. I liked that her arc was about her burgeoning independence, and it felt like she truly was being appreciated after living in near poverty for so long. I also liked that she was readily embraced by the Black community in the town, and I liked watching her find her home.

Rhine, our hero, is also interesting in that he faces numerous dilemmas regarding his identity. I appreciated the moments in which he had to weigh his personal happiness against his privilege, and I liked that his motivations came from a place of wanting freedom and power. I also liked that he was an honorable man and despite his past, he wasn't so angsty that he was bogged down. He seemed to be always looking forward, and that was nice.

Side characters were also nice in that they created something of a found family for Eddy. Sylvie, her employer, is truly a good friend and supports Eddy without judgment. Vera the seamstress is also bright and fun, and the residents of the orphanage are endearing. Even Zeke, the rival for Eddy's feelings, is hard to dislike since he is so genuinely interested in Eddy, and he is incredibly kind and generous.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, it's the White antagonists that are the most irritating. I'm not going to sit here and complain that some white people are portrayed as awful bigots - they served their purpose in the story, so I think it was appropriate. I do think, though, that some of the racism was just kind of "fly by," so I couldn't quite determine if responding to oppression was supposed to be a major theme or inserted to make the setting a bit more "textured." The unhinged ending with Natalie kind of illustrates my point; without spoiling anything, I will say that the ending made isn't seem like white rage was just kind of something to brush off and even when it was threatening, it didn't quite matter. Maybe I'm not the best person to speak on this, though, and maybe anything more serious would affect the tone Jenkins was going for. I don't know.

Romance: The romance between Eddy and Rhine was... OK. My main issues were not that they were ill-suited, but that Jenkins uses a couple of tropes that I personally dislike. First, there's a love triangle, and while I liked that no one was made out to be the villain, I couldn't help but feel really bad for Zeke. There was litterally nothing wrong with him except that he didn't excite passion in Eddy, and I am not 100% sure it was right for her to start seeing him. Second, Eddy is an incredibly naive virgin who doesn't even know what an orgasm is (or that male orgasms can lead to pregnancy?) before meeting Rhine. I personally sont care for virginal heroines because it makes them seem a bit sheltered, but I also understand that a virginal heroine might be working against the hypersexual Black woman trope here.

TL;DR: Forbidden has an interesting premise, taking a white-passing hero and an ambitious Black woman and seeing how their goals are jeopardized by attraction. While I didn't quite vibe with the writing style or the way the plot unfolded, I do think Jenkins creates captivating settings and characters that are easy to root for.