#his grief and all that he DOES try his best to hide how much everyone he ever cared about leaving him affects him.

[tongues--and--teeth]

How much pain can you forgive? What would you do for those you swore to protect?

[hughiecampbelle]

The Boys Preference: Being Becca and Butchers Child

Requested: Firstly HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRL!!!!!! ﾟ+.ヽ(≧▽≦)ﾉ.+ﾟ. Secondly, could u write like some headcanon about being Butcher's child (like who is two years older than Ryan) and how other members from the boys (+ maybe Soldier boy, cause of season 3 and how he would interact with them :3) - anon

A/N: Thank you my love!!! In the headcanon I made reader 10+ years older so they'd be at least 18 by the time they found out about Becca and Ryan, I hope you don't mind!! That way they can be part of The Boys and grow up with them, if that makes sense? I also had a very similar request of a headcanon so I'm basing it off that so there's some background :) I love this request!!! Feedback is always appreciated 💜💜💜

Headcanon Pt. 1 / Headcanon Pt. 2

Butcher knew he couldn't take care of you. He was getting drunk every night, picking fights at bars, searching the city for your mom. Your perfect grades were slipping, you were getting into fights at school, you were emulating him. He knew how dangerous that was. First with your Aunt, then your Great Aunt, until you tracked him down all these years later. He still has a picture of you in his wallet, a baby picture that's creased and faded. You and Becca. You've grown up since then, though. And you're angry. He insist you go back to Judy, pretend you never saw or heard what you did, but you refuse. You want to pick a fight with him. You want to yell and scream and get out eight years worth of grief. He understands where you're coming from, he does. He never wanted to be like his father and yet, in so many ways, that's exactly who he was. Your relationship will never be what it is. That's not possible anymore. You have to learn to deal with one another now, in the present, instead of the happy kid you used to be, instead of the dad he used to be. It hurts you both to think about the past, who you could have been instead of who you are.

Hughie isn't really sure what to do with you. There's no doubt you're Butcher's kid. He's still relatively new to the team, so he just assumed this was something else Butcher hadn't shared with him. When he realizes no one knew about your existence, he's shocked. You, like your father, gravitate towards Hughie for reasons you can't put into words. You'll let him sit next to you when you're watching TV and maybe even talk to him if you're in the right mood. You don't shoot daggers at him like you try with everyone else. Similar to a cat, he's someone you can stand to be around. He comes to your defense a lot, especially when you stumble in drunk and pass out for the day. He's sure if any of them had been raised by Butcher, or at least the outside relatives, they would have turned out exactly like you. He can't blame you for being angry, or pissed, or hurt. He can see the hurt better than anyone else no matter how much you try to hide it. He thinks you just need some time and empathy to get straightened out. The least they can do is offer that, right?

Annie has no idea what to do with you. She tried smiling and talking to you, but you didn't want anything to do with her. She reminds you too much of your Aunt. She always said you should be happier, bubblier, that you were so smiley as a kid. You couldn't live in the past like her, with her. Too much had changed. Hughie assures her it's nothing against her, you're just getting used to things. She thinks it's sweet how you're attracted to Hughie. He's the only one you mildly respect and even, once in a blue moon, listens to. She doesn't take it too personally considering you're ready to rip your fathers head off. It could be a lot worse. Over time you see that Annie and Hughie are together and that definitely earns her some points. Annie can't imagine what your life must have looked like, all those years mourning your mother and father, all those years spent with relatives just doing their best. She understood why you were so angry all the time, so cagey and spiky. She doesn't hold it against you.

M.M. feels conflicted. Betrayed isn't the right word, but it's the closest thing he can come up with. He never 100% trusted Butcher. He was always going behind everyone's backs, doing what he wanted despite the good of the team, etc. He was destructive, combative, and spiteful. But, he thought they knew each other better than that. When he met you he couldn't deny you were Butcher's. Your mannerisms, the crazed look in your eye when you were upset, it all matched your father. He can't help but see you like how he sees Janine, even if you're much older: a victim of Vought. A generational curse. You're stubborn, and angry, and distant all because of what's been done to you, all because of Homelander. If your mom had been around, if Homelander had never done what he'd done, you'd still have your perfect family. He feels this need to protect you the same way he does with your father, even if you both fight him on it, even if you don't want or deserve it. He can't help it.

Frenchie doesn't trust you the same way he doesn't trust your father. He especially doesn't like that you and Kimiko are so close. She doesn't tell him anything about your conversations, knowing it would completely break your trust if she did. He believes Butcher would hide something as big and important as a child. He knows what your family can be like. Lying, drunken, selfish, vengeful. You're only a few of those things, not that he can tell the difference. You know Frenchie isn't your biggest fan, so you love messing with him, teasing him, rubbing it in his face that you and Kimiko are close. Similar to your father, Frenchie thinks this isn't the kind of place for you. You have no idea what you're getting yourself into. M.M. might feel fatherly towards you, but Frenchie sees you as a Mini Butcher, just another handful no one on the team can deal with. You yell and scream and fight and drink. That proves to him you're still a child despite it all.

Kimiko adores you. Despite the difference in circumstances, she sees a lot of herself in you. Ripped from your family, angry and hostile and doing everything in your power not to get hurt again. Besides Hughie, you'd warm up to her second. You're actually incredibly smart despite never applying yourself and pick up the signs pretty quickly. Whatever you can't sign, you write to her, wanting your conversations to stay secret. You show her the pictures of your mom that you kept all these years, telling her all about the good times you had before she disappeared. When you see Butcher you instantly grow hostile, angry all over again, and the person she saw, the person she was just talking to who was kind, and thoughtful, and smart totally disappears. When you blast your angry music she never minds. In fact, she quite likes it, adding it to her own playlist. She doesn't look at you like you need fixing or, worse, need to get out of here.

Bonus! Homelander always knew about you. Becca was more than willing to talk about you and Billy to co-workers. He even remembers taking that picture with you that one Christmas. He's kept an eye on you through the years, but you never seemed like the vengeful type. You never knew what happened after your father abandoned you. He does, however, use it as leverage against Becca. Remember the kid you left behind? Seems like she's got favorites. Becca agonizes over leaving you, but she was caught between a rock and a hard place. He uses you to keep her there, in her place. He gives her updates, usually to make her feel bad. You're kid drinks way too much, did you know that? Of course you didn't. He loves to tell her that Butcher abandoned you all those years ago. He loves to see that it absolutely kills her. He's not worried about you coming after him. You've got to work through your issues before you get to him and therapy for a lifetime couldn't get you an Butcher on the same page.

Bonus! Soldier Boy would actually get along with you. I think you'd have a Worst Dad Competition and though you're close, you definitely think you win. You two share a drink and you tell him all about your dear old dad. "No wonder you turned out like this." Ben says, pouring you more. Hughie urges you to slow down, but you have a high tolerance. Ben, to piss of Butcher, will always take your side in arguments and uses what you told him against him. "You dumped them off and never looked back. Now you're parenting?" Butcher absolutely hates it. You tell him about your mom, how much she loved you, how she was killed. You don't mention Ryan though, knowing Ben's go to answer would be to seek revenge. You have a lot of complicated feelings around your brother, but you still have a burning Hatred for Homelander. You make Ben promise he'll kill him. He does, even if it means killing his son. You two bond really fast. Neither Hughie nor Butcher trusts it or him, but you do.

[rise-deepseamonster]

I don't think any season will affect me as deeply as Bridgerton S2.

Ever experience that Anthony and Kate have with their family is a direct reflection of an older sibling's struggles to keep everyone together with only one parent half present, taking on the major part of the responsibility as the head of the house.

Starting with the scene where Edmund dies in Anthony and Violet's arms. It's a clear start of the divide between Anthony and his siblings in terms of being classified as "children". Violet tells him to keep the "other children" from not witnessing what he just witnessed, him having to take charge while he watches his only remaining parent fall apart in despair and anguish. Him begging her to get more involved with the rest of his siblings because he is so scared he is going to mess things up, so scared because he is not his mother and he is not his father. I wonder how many dinners he sat with the rest of his siblings after his mother refused to eat with them and made small talk with his siblings or sat in awkward silence. I wonder how long it took for him to master the small talk and eventually learn everything his siblings were up to so that he can talk to them about it and work in the shadows to make things better (like he thought he was doing with Benedict and the art school). All while trying to encourage his mother, listening to her wish that the baby had done her the kindness of killing her so that she could be with her husband. Watching his expression during that scene was particularly brutal:

Clearly trying to hang on by a thread as he listens to his mother's suicidal wishes and hope he will have a parent that lives to the next day so he wouldn't have to witness death and wouldn't have to be the only parent left for his siblings, because god help him, I knew he thought he was failing them by just existing and not being his father.

Then the birth of Hyacinth.

When he is asked of an impossible choice between his new family, his to-be sibling and his own mother, his parent, the only person left who is supposed to take care of him. He is not ready to see another parent die in front of him. But he sees his mother begging for her husband, begging for a choice in the matter, driven by pain and grief and sees the doctor calmly ignoring it and asking him. What does he know? He is a child, as his mother says. He wants his father too. He should also be in one of the rooms with his siblings, maybe soothing them and listening to Daphne sing instead of being demanded a choice of lives. He wants his mother to live another day because he cannot fathom the responsibility and the loss he will have to handle otherwise. He wants to demand that they save the mother, you can see it in his eyes but as he sees her begging for the choice, he makes the only one that he hopes his father would approve of.

And thus begins his lifetime of choices that he hopes would be in the interest of everyone else, that he hopes his father would approve of. All while secretly believing that his family hates him for the mistakes he makes as a young, inexperienced man taking all the responsibilities prematurely. And make mistakes he does! Because he lives by a set of rules he hopes the mirage of his dead father might follow, he cannot see that his other siblings are capable and allowed to make their own choices as well (yes yes regency era meant no choices for women but whatever) and constantly made terrible choices for Daphne's personal life in the interest of "protecting" her.

Similar mistakes from Kate. (god what is it about older siblings wanting to do whatever it takes to give what THEY perceive as the best to their siblings?)

She lies and hides and manages Edwina's entire interaction with everyone in the hopes that her sister will be encouraged only into the most wonderful perfect whirlwind of a romance to the best man alive, only to completely neglect and pretty much gaslight her views onto her sister.

This sentiment? Let me just break it down (from my perspective, there can be many different views and any and/or all may be true including that this is just the way Edwina's personality is): Kate wants Edwina to pursue love, to pursue the match of her wants by choosing the best, the brightest, the smartest, the most charming, etc. Because Kate always tells her that thats what she deserves, and its true, she does deserve the best (well, the best for her that is). You see, when you narrow people down to "selecting the best, being the best" etc, you end up making people think that because they are considered the best by the general population (the season's diamond and most eligible bachelor) that they are destined to be together, to make a stunning, powerful match. Edwina is never given a chance to even understand what best truly means for her and what she deserves (and obviously Anthony never thinks about it lol) and is enamored by getting the best of the best. Why? Is it some sort of ego that's fed to her by Kate? The opposite really. It is her own version of trying to show her family that she can excel at things and make them proud. Which is why when she inevitably fails, she somehow thinks she could've done better to please him and treats the whole thing as a test to her as a person, the person her sister had (in Edwina's mind) worked so hard to cultivate and educate to be the best of the best. And in a society where her worth is determined by her husband, if she didn't get the best of the best man, was she really living up to the work that was put into her?

"You have choices"

Ngl, that line is probably something she deep down wishes she had in some recess of her subconscious mind or smtg. It is only because Kate is actually there for Edwina emotionally that Edwina doesn't become a complete people pleaser (though lets be clear, she is definitely one, literally changes like a chameleon to fit everyone's likes. Ain't no one that well liked and Daphne clocked that early on).

I am not saying I hate older siblings and that they are the worst controlling beings on the planet. I am myself an older sibling. Actually I think because I'm an older sibling, it makes me even more horrified when I watch the season because I can clearly see the mistakes they are committing even as I know I would do the same in their case. I understand the pain and desperation that drives them, the self-loathing, the mindset that we must deny ourselves any sort of happiness and pleasure because concentrating on ourselves mean that we are neglecting everyone else. The armor we put on to seem the strongest, the meanest, the one who would throw the first punch after an insult flung at their family, the last one to step down from a fight all for our family, all in the name of family.

These two? They would lay down their lives for their siblings. If asked, they would sacrifice themselves with dark magic so that their siblings would never know the pain of a pin prick. Because they know pain and they never want their siblings to feel it. And so they control and manage and make sure everything goes the way they need it to, the way, the only way that their family can be safe and happy. All while they deny themselves the same painless happiness.

Anthony literally refused to fall in love so that he would never have to put his siblings through the kind of pain he went through as he saw his mother sit numbly for months after his father's death, barely existing through everyday. Kate barely viewed herself as Lady Sharma's daughter because she put both her and Edwina on such a high pedestal and stood guard at the bottom of it.

Both of them, oldest siblings resigning and steeling themselves and reassuring themselves that this is what they deserve, this is the price to be paid for the happiness of their family. Then resigning themselves to a life of loneliness, all while their family looks on at them with the greatest pity because they cannot understand for the life of them why their protectors, their loved ones, their older brother/sister would put themselves through things that obviously made them miserable.

And as it does, their pity will turn to frustration and if unchecked, to resentment or bitterness. Secrets and lies and controlling behaviors always come with a cost, no matter the intention. But not only that; What most oldest siblings forget is that everyone needs a role model to look up to and usually people find it in their siblings, their parents or someone else in the family that they know well. With the walls you've erected, they barely know you at all. And what you do display is only misery and burden. I cannot stress how much it pains them to see that in the people they love and how much it affects them.

So anyway, to older siblings out there. Prioritize yourselves. It is literally better for your siblings if you do. Love them, protect them but also teach them through example to make their own choices in life and be stable and happy yourself.

Also do you think he wanted to scream during this scene? Because personally I would've told her "OFC. OFC lilacs were his favorite. Because I was there when he died picking lilac/violet flowers for his wife named Violet, YEAH I fucking KNEW."

His mother telling him that she knew what he wanted and that he wanted love was probably the final testament to how little his family knew him. He was probably incredulous at the thought of his family wanting him to find love. Why tf would they think he wants that??

Why would he want love when it was the very same thing that ruined his mother after his father's death? The same thing that had left her so broken and numb that he had to be awake and pick up the pieces of his family as he could not afford to do the same.

The pain that parents inflict through their own grief/rage etc are things that really leave a lasting impact on the kids huh?

Also yes, I did cry when Lady Sharma told Kate that she always viewed her as a daughter and she was never an outsider to the family because she WAS family, man that shit had me bawling. Nothing ever prepares me for the loneliness of dealing with the consequences of "doing what you think is best" when it comes to other's lives.

Sorry for how all over the place this rant is. Tell me if I missed anything and what all older sibling behavior yall do and how called out this shit made u feel.

[fluidstatick]

FCG's sacrifice | Critical Role - Bells Hells ep 91

If you've not seen Sam's video on the Crit Role channel, It's Been Awhile, go watch it now. Then come back and watch this again. Then bear with me, I need to talk about this for a bit.

When I saw this the first time I thought it was odd that everyone was crying so much. Laudna's death gave everyone focus, and Molly's was met with solemnity, but few tears. Why did Sam's decision rock the table so much harder this time?

Everyone is crying when FCG decides to sign off. Matt cries harder than we've seen since the C2 signoff. Taliesin hides his face. Liam is visibly crushed, and then snarling with rage, and then numb. Marisha is bargaining, Ashley is protesting, Laura is speechless. At the time I wrote it off as the cast being tired, frustrated by the Otohan battle, disappointed by a rough run of ineffective strategies.

Most of all, I thought Travis' body language and quiet remark were so strange. He's smiling throughout this death scene, eyes sparkling, awed, and he says in a level, sincere voice - "I'm so proud of you." We all know Travis laughs when he's panicking, so I thought he was just enjoying the symmetry of FCG's character arc. But now that we know why the table was so broken up at this, I understand Travis' amazement and pride, too.

Everyone is in tears because they don't know if Sam is going to come back. They don't know if he'll make it. They know they can't make their fear and hurt explicit, because it'll breach Sam's privacy at a very dark and frightening time. But he takes this poetically timed opportunity to allow Bell's Hells to endure. He removes himself narratively, preserves his privacy, and lays a plot point that will allow the others to channel their grief and fear into the game in his absence. Travis sees what this decision does not just for the narrative, but for the health of the brand. That's CEO Travis telling Sam how proud he is. And when FCG bolts for Otohan at a full dash, thinking about Bertrand, and Dorian, and Frida -- That's Sam, squaring up to cancer, thinking of his predecessors in the fight, his comrades in his own battle, and the people who most need him to win.

When Matt said "The stakes are higher than ever", he wasn't talking about Exandria. He was talking about Sam, the table's one of a kind friendship, and the joyful soul of CR. And nobody knew when or how they'd come out the other side.

At the Greek, When Ashton failed his wisdom save against Dominox and it used FCG's voice to accuse them of letting him die, I was thrown a little by Tal's performance. If Ashton failed the wisdom save, why is he so strong in the face of this accusation? But now I see it's Taliesin asking cancer, how dare you try to make us feel guilty while our best friend kicks your ass? How dare you tell us that we've fucked up, when we've all done everything in our power to protect this man that we love?

I didn't like Braius when he debuted. I thought he was too vain, too brash, too pushy. I thought he was a goofy swing and an ill fit for the party. But now, in context with everything we didn't see before, he's perfect. He's a husky-voiced warrior of few words, a jittery fanboy, a wounded jester, a powerful healing force of darkness, a joyful slut with a slit throat, so alive, alive, alive.

I could say so much more but I'm emotionally exhausted. Get your HPV vaccine. If your body needs pelvic exams, get them, every year, no slacking. If your body tells you something is weird, listen to it, and find a doctor who will also listen to it.

If you're reading this, I love you. Go tell someone who needs to know that you love them.

Fuck Cancer.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

All Things End 1

Warnings: non/dubcon, mentions of loss (death, miscarriage), and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

Characters: Arvin Russell

Summary: Newly widowed, you take a job at the local grocer to make end's meet.

Part of the Backwoods AU

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging.

Your shoulders bangs and you falter, setting the bag of flour back on the flat. It’s been bothering you lately, mostly in the mornings. The joint burns when you raise your arm too far and there’s a knot right under your shoulder blade. You hold back a grunt and try again, heaving the heavy sack onto the shelf, a dusting puffing onto your apron.

You reach for the next but find it no easier. Before you can take the next, it’s lifted out of your grasp and easily placed on the stack. You look up at the man as he grins at you. You know him but everyone knows everyone around here. 

You might know his name but you don’t know much of Arvin Russell. He’s younger than you, much younger. You knew his father when he was still around but he died years ago. Funny how those things go.

“Let me get this” he chimes and hauls another sack onto the shelf. 

You stand straight, hands on your hips, “please, you don’t gotta… it’s my job.”

“They got a lady like you doing all this?” He asks as he tosses another like it’s nothing. Are they really that heavy or are you just getting weaker?

“Really, I can’t let you–” you grab the other end of the sack in his hands.

“I don’t mind,” he insists.

“That’s nice but my manager–”

“Ah, don’t worry about him,” he shrugs and a strand of his reddish hair droops down his forehead.

“Really, it’s fine,” you tug on the sack again.

“My mama taught me not to let a lady do the heavy lifting,” he argues.

“Well, I’m sure she meant the young pretty ones,” you wrestle away the bag and do you best not to teeter, “you’re nice but I gotta do this.”

He lingers, watching you, waiting for you to falter. You hold your breath as you ignore the fire in your shoulder. You’re embarrassed. When you were his age, it wouldn’t be a real task. He can’t understand the way the years eat away at you, though you suspect he understands some things.

“I didn’t know you worked here,” he says as he takes a can from the shelf, paying special attention to the baking powder label.

“Couple months ago…” you say vaguely.

“Mmm,” he nods and puts the can back, “I… awful what happened to your old man.”

“Yours too,” you counter and cringe, “sorry, I–”

“It’s okay, you get it,” he says, “never really goes away, does it?”

You shake your head, “not really.” 

You drop the last bag on the shelf and huff. You wipe your hands on your apron and grab the dolly handle, pumping the flat up on the wheels. Arvin steps back to the other side of the shelf to clear your path.

“Thanks,” you steer past him.

“No problem,” he hums, “have a good one.”

You keep on, turning the flat towards the warehouse doors. You push through the swinging doors and leave it with the rest for Casey to load or unload. You roll your shoulder but it only makes it worse. You whimper and kick the doors open with your foot as you go back onto the floor.

There’s no hiding since you started at the grocery store. Every face is familiar, every eyes is judging, they all know who you are, and they all look at you with pity. The whispers are often louder than that. 

‘Poor thing.’ ‘Did you hear how her husband went?’ ‘Never even had a child.’ ‘Never one that lived.’ 

Your grief makes for good gossip. You ignore their wagging tongues. You need money if you want to keep the house and what Ben left behind, isn’t enough to last. It’s the only thing left of him and you can’t let it go.

You go up to cash and take over at the till. Lynette puts her basket on the counter as she greets her in her crowlike voice. She’s the worst of them. Everyone knows she sits on her phone and makes her rounds, calling to gather intel like some mafioso.

“Did ya hear?” She beams, “Molly’s having a fifth.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful,” you put on a fake smile as you play minion.

“Don’t know yet if it’s a boy or a girl, though I think she’s got enough of both–” she suddenly covers her mouth, “oh, hon, I forgot, I’m so sorry–”

“Hm? What do you mean?” You hold back your agitation.

Of course it wasn’t an accident. She’s needling for something. She wants to see you crack. Life hasn’t been kind but you’re just fine with it. You’re getting on.

“It’s just… I know it’s been hard and now… Benny’s gone…”

“Ben,” you correct her, unable to restrain that ounce of distaste, “it’s life.”

“Mmm, you have my sympathies,” she places her hand over her heart as you scan a dozen can of discount tuna. She must have a pantry full of Atlantic skipjack.

You grumble as you focus on your work. She won’t get much from you but you sure she’ll make something up. She’s got too much time for her own good. Her only hobby is talking. You read out her total and accept her check, tucking it under the drawer. Only your goodbye is genuine as you’re all too happy to see the back of her.

You look over as Arvin approaches. Unlike Lynette, he takes the items from his basket and sets them on the counter. You could sing just at the simple consideration. You ask him if he wants a bag as you start scanning.

“Should just need the one,” he says, “slow day?”

“Always is around here,” you shrug, wincing at the tug in your shoulder.

“Don’t mind, it’s my day off,” he smiles, “but I hope it goes by quickly for you.”

“Eh,” you mutter as you put a can of maple beans in the paper bag. Those were Ben’s favourite, you’d make him with sausage and a bit of your blueberry chutney. “Hope you’re not spending your whole day doing errands.”

“Just this,” he says brightly. You look at him as he beams, watching you with that grin. He’s polite, his father would be proud. “How much do I owe ya?”

You give him his total and he counts out bills from his wallet. You return his change and a receipt. He tucks them away as you go to grab his bag. He’s quicker, scooping it away before you can get it.

“I got it,” he says, “you take it easy.”

“Uh, thanks, have a good day,” you stand straight and your cheek ticks as a strike of lightning runs up the back of your neck.

“Shoulder won’t get any better if you don’t,” he tuts as he struts around the end of the counter.

You furrow your brow as you watch him go. He offers a small wave before he sets his sights to the exit. You turn back to the till and grip the edge of the counter. How did he know?

[geraskierfanficprompts]

Prompt 111

`Jaskier and Geralt are playflirting a lot more than they used to. Geralt allows more touches than normal. They had a heartfelt talk one inebriated night about intimacy and longing for someone to hold. Clearly, they're ready to move forward from friendship into romance, right? Geralt's finally caught wind of Jaskier's hints and is dropping his own? Geralt gave him a custom ring the other day! They're clearly about to embrace each other and make out wildly and it'll be the best day of Jaskier's life! Even if Geralt had just grunted when Jaskier confessed, Jaskier would prefer it to Geralt being disgusted and hating him forever. Jaskier finally plucks up the courage one night to tell Geralt how he feels. Jaskier picks wildflowers and makes a clumsy bouquet, and ties it together along with a handwritten poem about how much Jaskier loves Geralt, and how beautiful he finds him. He finds Geralt sat by the fire, and Jaskier stares at his back for a moment, before clearing his throat, and softly asking Geralt what Geralt thinks about love. Geralt speaks of grief, and loss, and pain. About how it's not worth it in the end. Jaskier is heartbroken but he laughs it off and hides the bouquet deep in his bags. He goes to bed early, and prays that Geralt can't smell his soul-crushing devastation.

Geralt is beginning to panic. Jaskier and him have been flirting, and Jaskier touches him more and for longer, and That One Talk they had that night. But everyone to ever love Geralt has died. Quite horribly. Sometimes by his own hand. He can't love Jaskier, for it'll end with his bard's beautiful lively blue eyes unseeing as he lays dead on the ground. He has nightmares about it for four nights straight. One night, he's poking around at the fire at camp when Jaskier from behind him asks him what he thinks of love. He gives his honest answer. Loving Geralt just isn't worth it. It always ends with pain and heartache.

A few nights later, Jaskier asks Geralt to grab him something from Jaskier's bag. It's nothing. It's simple and unassuming. And yet while Geralt rummages through the bags, he accidentally stumbles across a crumpled little withering bouquet of flowers, complete with a beautiful poem about loving... Him. Jaskier wrote a poem about loving Geralt? Were the flowers for Geralt? Why is it in Jaskier's bag? Did Jaskier lose his nerve? Did Jaskier think better of it? Or was- FUCK. The night at the campfire! Shit, he always does this- This is precisely why he didn't want them to fall in love in the first place! Jaskier would get hurt. But it's too late to stop them falling now, he supposes... He'll think more about the repercussions about it all later. First thing's first, Geralt has to make a bouquet and try his hand at writing.

[crackhead4]

I had this idea in my head about an AU from the new transformers one movie.

So you know how the planet is made by this basically higher entity? God? Idk, and they probably knew what exactly was happening on this planet cause , well, they ARE the planet.

What happens if they weren't happy with the outcome of the end of the movie? What happens if they send some back in time with their memory intact completely? They knew exactly what happens, where everyone is like they can feel a bug on their own body. They remember the exact events that made their time line their own, even if they weren't involved in these events.

Now imagine, the obvious choice would be Optimus Prime because of the matrix and stuff, BUT now hold on, IF IT WASN'T HIM. not to like be nice to do the poor guy like noooo. I feel like this AU he should also keep his memories. However, he doesn't know that their HIS memories. That he has these very life like (or robot like?) dreams while he sleeps. He doesn't know why he has them, he doesn't know how they started, why this is only happening to him, he doesn't want to know why this look alike D-16 doesn't act like HIS D-16 and he doesn't even know why his brain ( or is it like brain panel or smth) us making up thus crazy conspiracy theory about Sentinel Prime. All he does know, however, is something in his veins ( I'm not even attempting to try and guess the robot version of veins) is telling him to stay close to HIS D-16. He probably thinks he's going crazy but is lole really good at hiding it, so he goes down to like the archeives to see what the answer is to allllll his questions and dream problem.

ANYWAY (I swerved very off topic) the mech I want to see spiral themselves in the future is D-16, not because there are probably better options like Elita or Bee or hell even Sentinel Prime would be a crazy thing to happen. I WANT TO SEE THIS MAN SUFFER, THAYS WHY.

Because just imagine how Megatron must feel after the movies, it would be perfect and so goddamn MESSY. He probably in grief with losing his best friend/lover (cause we all saw what was going on), then seeing and believing the fact that the matrix is using his dead best friend/lover's body as a way to beat him, having to battle the guilt he must feel for letting go of Orion while he battles this Optimus Prime wear that wears Orion's skin and THEN getting banished by his only home, taking over and leading a whole revolution army on the same night AND THUS (and yes that wasn't a type-o that says THUS) creating THE most depressing, heartbreaking, dramatic, bloody divorce in the history of Cybroton have ever seen.

So now you can see why I want to just pull this mindset and just plop it right back into D-16, the cogless miner. He restarts again from the very beginning, with Orion waking him up, saying he has an idea. The utter carnage and chaos that would ensue would be beyond my imagination right now at like 9:07 at night.

BUT YEAH CIRCLE BACK to the fact that I said they would remember every major event that caused their timeliness to be THEIR timeline, which would mean Megatron would remember everything that happened. He would remember Sentinel Prime's betrayal not just like D-16 but as the Primes the crime wqs committed to. He would feel it like Alphatrion, Megatronus and etc. He would feel the utter rage that Sentinel had when the matrix didn't choose him as the leader and faded right in his hands. He would feel the detach when Airachnid would feel when watching over Sentinel's shoulder and seeing exactly what he does and seeing nothing wrong with it.

HE WOULD FEEL SO MUCH AND I COUPD GO ON AND ON AND ON ABOUT, THIS BUT ANWAY-

I just really want to see what fanfic writers would make if given this prompt cause it's been on Mt mind and he'll I've thought about writing it about like inec as was like Hell no cause I know it would be atrocious to read.

Plus, I really wanted to get this idea just onto something, at least to get it out of my brain but now i don't think that's gonna happen cause now I'm gonna be daydreaming about how other people would work this story idea 😭😭.

BUT YH IF ANYONE IS GONNA MAKE THIS PLEASE TAG BE IN IT SO I COULD READ IT 🙏🙏🙏🙏

[llamagoddessofficial]

how would the normal boyo's react to mc's death?

no murder, nothing crazy, just old age taking away the love of their lives.

and for bonus points lets say they had been happily married for decades as to add on the memories and the sudden shock of losing someone that had become such a key factor in your life.

I think I've mentioned this before, but it doesn't hurt to bring it up again. Aggre Mc is going to live a lot longer than she expected. Even with absolutely no intervention, thanks to her connection with the guys, her Soul has three major sources of magic nearby that instinctively constantly share their power with hers. It will probably expand her lifetime by a century, minimum. Her big issue isn't going to be dying; it's going to be dealing with the implications of living so much longer than she thought she would.

There's also the topic of a Soul bond. If she Soul bonds with any of the three of them, and doesn't have kids, she's pretty much going to live as a monster does (forever, unless interrupted). In Aggre, they definitely discuss the subject of her possible death eventually- and my personal canon post-Aggre is that after settling into a rhythm and spending a few decades together, when Mc decides she wants to Soul bond, the boys elect Sans to be the one she bonds with. She'd then live with them like that.

But... in a hypothetical scenario, where Mc resists everything and dies... I think this is how it would go. Obviously, angst and death under the cut.

Sans: Honestly, Sans takes her approaching death the best. Which should really worry you about how the other two would react. Does he fall apart? Absolutely, the last time he felt this kind of agony was when he lost his mother. But Sans has always been good at disguising his emotions, hiding tremendous pain under an easygoing exterior. He keeps up with the dishes, organises her end of life care, keeps contact with his friends. Papyrus would be the only one to see even a fraction of the true extent of Sans' grief. Sans is about to lose the love of his life, and has completely frozen over to avoid crumbling.

Red: He definitely takes it better than you'd expect, considering he'd have a mended relationship with his brother. But it still hits. It's cruel that the universe sent him someone who taught him how to let himself feel, then took that person away and delivered the worst pain he's ever felt.

Mc would be proud of him, though. Despite the pain, he avoids falling back into the worst of his old addictions, because he knows its not what she would want and it won't actually make the pain go away. It will just numb him to everything; including those who are trying to help. He picks up smoking again in the days leading up to her death, but he avoids the bottle.

Skull: It's hard, for him. It's really hard.

All of them knew it would be particularly difficult for Skull. They had a long time to discuss it- a long time to talk the subject over. Mc prepared stuff for him, for after she's gone... people to talk to, things of hers to hold when it hurts, exercises for him to hopefully learn to deal with it. For a while, everyone was convinced Skull was ready. Even Skull.

... But he just... he just can't do it. He can't do it. He can't let her go. It doesn't matter how many hours she spent holding his hands, how hard they all believed he'd be fine without her- it doesn't matter how much he healed by her side and how well adjusted he seems now. The moment he realises she's really genuinely dying, the journey ahead of him looks so impossibly dark, so frightening. He holds her as she's dying and he feels so small. He cries like a baby and begs her not to leave him behind.

The moment she dies, he catches her Soul. He holds it in his hands, hushing it like a scared bird and tucking it away into his chest, where he can keep her alive. Honestly, they'd have to cut him open if they wanted to let her pass on.

... But I think at that point, Red and Sans aren't exactly fighting to make him let go. In fact... something unspoken passes between the three of them. Skull just did what all of them wanted to do.

Skull gives her to Sans, who keeps her hidden away, within his own Soul. Her Soul knows his best, and will feel most comfortable there long-term.

They'll figure out something. They have all the time in the world.

[ciaossu-imagines]

Ryohei Sasagawa and grief

Amazingly, I do think Ryohei, along with Lambo, are going to be the ones who are the best at dealing with any amount of grief they feel. Ryohei’s going to be one of the best at expressing any amount of grief he feels and at allowing himself to deal with it and can do so in surprisingly mature ways.

It really comes down to the fact that Ryohei is someone who is incredibly true to who he is as a person. He’s consistently himself, no matter what. It doesn’t matter what emotions he’s feeling or what is going on in his head. He doesn’t try to hide any of it. He lives his truth and lets everyone around him know just what’s going on with him. Because of that, when he is grieving, he allows himself to fully feel everything. He’s not going to put on a brave face and pretend he isn’t feeling anything. He’s not going to play pretend and fake like whatever is causing the grief didn’t happen. He’s going to talk about whatever situation is causing the grief; he’s going to be upfront and honest, at all times, about whatever he’s feeling during his grief cycle, in the simplest, most straight-forward terms. If he needs something from the people around him to help with that grief, he’s going to ask for it, if not demand it.

Despite being accused of being simple-minded or childish, Ryohei is actually a really mature individual in how he does process, show, and deal with his feelings and this helps him grieve in ways that not only speed the process along but leaves him without regrets or lingering feelings of that grief.

Ryohei is someone who gets easily attached to things and people. He’s a great big ball of emotions, someone who thrives on connections and pure love for life and all the things in it. Because of this, he’s prone to several small moments of grief. He cherishes everything that was made for him or specially picked out for him. He still has crafts that Kyoko made him back when she was in preschool, all displayed in his room as an adult. He’ll keep every ticket stub, photobooth picture, love letter, and memento from every date he’s gone on in his romantic relationships. All these little precious memories of his life mean a ton to him and losing any of those things would feel like the end of the world to Ryohei. He would freak out about it. No matter how much someone told him it really didn’t matter that much, he would not buy that. It matters a lot to him and that’s the only truth he’ll acknowledge. He’ll do everything he can to find the lost item, even roping his friends and his sister into helping him search for it. If he cannot find it, he will loudly proclaim how sad he is and will kind of beat himself up for losing the thing. He will insist on finding the person who he made that memory with and apologizing to them for losing that thing. It is not only a one-time thing that Ryohei has insisted on finding the new number for someone he dated five years ago just so that he can profusely apologize and ask forgiveness for losing something like a picture they took together on one of their anniversaries. He even tried his best to ask that ex if they still had a copy of it and, if so, could Ryohei get a copy of that picture? It’s really just what he knows he needs to get over that small moment of grief and to be able to feel better about it.

That tendency of listening to what he needs and finding the things that will make him feel better about the situations also applies for bigger moments of grief. When his first car stopped working well and he knew that it could no longer be driven, he was so sad. He was very attached to that car. It was his baby, he’d given it a name, and it had been his reliable friend in many ways. He was so upset and sad over knowing that he would never take any more trips in it. He allowed himself to cry a little over the loss and then, because he felt so strongly that his reliable friend and companion, Honda-kun the car, deserved a proper burial and send-off, he insisted that all of his friends, along with his parents and Kyoko, get together for a party where Honda-kun would be lit on fire (the fuel tank was thankfully emptied) after eulogies were given. He insisted that, after the eulogy, everyone pour a bit of their drink on the ground for Honda-kun and nobody was allowed to leave until the fire was a smolder (or until the neighbours called the firefighters to come put it out). When Gokudera made fun of Ryohei for crying during the send-off, Ryohei didn’t even let it get to him. He made it very clear that a proper man allows himself to feel sad when he’s sad.

For things like break-ups, that carry heavy emotional baggage, Ryohei finds himself grieving hard. He goes into every romantic relationship firmly believing that that is his one and only, forever kind of person. It’s just as hard on him to break up with them as it is for him to be dumped. He allows himself to cry. He talks to his friends about everything he’s feeling. He demands his ex hear out his emotions and seeks closure. He finds the things that will make him feel like he’s closer to being okay again, whether it be watching rom-coms with his sister, whether it be setting up as many boxing matches as he can, whether it be going to a speed-dating event at the urging of a friend, or whether it be taking the plunge and temporarily blocking his ex’s number. He allows himself the room and the space to get it all out. Hell, after a particularly nasty breakup, he allowed himself to just go for a run where he ended up just standing in the middle of a street yelling to the sky about everything he was feeling while he cried. Sure, the people who lived on the street yelled at him and threatened to call the cops afterwards, but emotionally, after doing that, he felt a little more healed and more level-headed so it was totally worth it to him.

Those big, unexpected moments of grief, like suddenly losing a loved one to death, are keenly felt by Ryohei. As mentioned, he’s someone who deeply feels whatever emotion hits them. With Ryohei though, he doesn’t deny that grief in any way. He loved that person in whatever form he loved them, be it as part of his family, as one of his dear friends, or as a lover, and now they are gone. It’s just not okay. He beats himself up – if he’d just been there, he could have saved them. He doesn’t know how he could have done so, but he would have. He openly weeps over their loss. He carries their coffin on one of his shoulders while sobbing. He sits in front of their tombstone or a little shrine to honor them and he pours his heart out about how much they meant to him. He tells them all the things he loved about them, all their favourite moments together, his words sometimes becoming unintelligible beneath the snot and tears that are flowing. He talks to his other precious people, opening up to them all his grief and thoughts and hurts about this death. He gets paranoid about the other people in his life leaving him – he starts calling everyone at least once a day, just to check up on them, make sure they’re healthy, are they eating well, please don’t die on him, he can’t lose anyone else. He tries a crossroads ritual from some foreign book that supposedly claims you can make a deal with a demon to get anything to try to bring his loved one back…it doesn’t work. He acts pretty crazy for a couple months but at the end of those couple months, he’s exhausted almost everything he needed to feel, and he works on starting to heal and rebuild his life. Thankfully, most of the people in his life are well aware of his eccentricities and have stayed beside him all that time.

[accio-sriracha]

"You are not my father."

‎ ‎‧₊˚ ⚡︎ ˚₊‧ ‎‧₊˚ ⚡︎ ˚₊‧ ‎‧₊˚ ⚡︎ ˚₊‧

"You are not to leave this house!" Sirius shouted, his voice trembling with what seemed like rage, but Remus could recognize instantly as fear.

"You don't get to tell me what to do!" Harry shouted back, standing up from his seat.

"You're still a child!" Sirius shoved away from his chair as well, "You can't go around making rash decisions and expecting everything to turn out fine!"

"Oh, like you haven't made any rash decisions."

"Harry, Sirius. Sit down." Remus told them. Harry shot him a glare,

"Just because he listens to you doesn't mean I have to."

Sirius growled even as he took his seat again.

"I'm asking you as politely as I can, Harry. You need to stay here. It's for your own protection." Remus explained.

"Why do you get to decide what's best for me?"

"Because we care about you, Harry." Remus spoke slowly.

"You are not my father." He shouted.

And that was all it took to plunge the room into silence.

Remus had to look away, had to control the emotions threatening to play out on his face.

Sirius sat, stunned into silence. Remus had made the mistake of turning towards him, watching the grief, the sadness, the regret, watching as it all came to a final rest at anger. He knew Sirius wasn't really angry, he knew it was just the easiest emotion for Sirius to deal with, the only one he understood. But it didn't seem like that to everyone else.

Remus' attention was caught again as Harry's finger twitched, a tick James used to get when he was truly pissed off.

"Re." Sirius cleared his throat, trying to hide the break in his voice, "I'm going to stand up from the table now."

Remus nodded, "It's okay. We'll sort this out."

Ever since the order had decided Harry deserved to know what was going on there had been slight tension in the air.

Harry had been dealing with a lot, they all knew this, he'd gone through much more than any child should ever need to.

But the look in his eyes as he said those words to them, it hurt worse than anything Remus had ever experienced, and he'd dealt with his fair share of "more than he needed to" too.

"What? Have I upset him? Does pointing out the fact that neither of you fucking own me bother everyone?" Harry spat.

Molly Weasley sat up straighter in her chair, her face scrunched up like she was preparing to yell.

Remus raised a hand to her, keeping his calm expression the best he could, "Harry-" He sighed and looked away again.

Those were Lily's eyes.

Lily's fiery passion and hot temper placed directly into James' nervous habits and tilted frown.

It was like torture.

"We know we aren't your parents. Nobody could ever replace them, and we wouldn't dream of doing so."

"So what? You think being their friends gives you the right to tell me what to do?"

"Harry." Hermione Granger's tone was sharp, and Merlin did it only remind him further of Lily.

"No, 'Mione. I'm not going to sit here and listen to them tell me to let everyone die for me. I want to go and fight."

"You're a target, Potter." Mad-eye Moody's gruff voice spoke from his place in the corner, his hand rested on the back of Ron Weasley's chair, "You can't just go out and put yourself into their line of sight like that."

"But all of you can just fine?" Harry countered.

"The people in this room know what they signed up for."

"I'm not going to let you die for me!" Harry shouted, "It's my own life, Moody! I can choose to spend it how I want! If I want to go out there and fight, I'm going to go out there and fight!"

"Not on my watch you're not." Molly Weasley huffed, her face turning red.

Harry glowered at her, Remus could tell he was doing his best not to snap at her, his hand nearly shaking from the effort.

Remus wished he could gain better control of the situation, he wished desperately it was James he was speaking to, that way he'd know exactly how to calm him down.

"Your dad did that when he was angry." He spoke before he could stop himself, gesturing to the twitch in Harry's right hand.

Harry's expression blanked in surprise for a moment, his eyes held something Remus recognized intimately: grief, longing, that fleeting desperation to learn something, anything about him.

Sometimes Remus felt that way about Harry. They hardly knew each other it felt like, and yet Remus was the first one outside of the couple to hold him after he'd been born. How did they end up here?

"He did?" Harry asked quietly.

Remus nodded, "It's how we knew something went too far."

"Was he angry often?" Harry asked, the twitching had stopped, but his brows still furrowed the same.

Remus was surprised how similar they were, how his eyes slowly died down in their fire the same as Lily's.

He shook his head, "He was usually pretty patient. More patient than any of us were. He only really got ticked off when someone would insult his friends."

Harry's expression softened further, "How did you calm him down?"

"Well, Remus here did most of the talking." Sirius appeared back in the room, his lips pressed tightly together but his posture less tense, "Your father was easy to comfort, he just needed to be reminded that we were there. That we loved him, and always would."

Harry nodded slowly, glancing at his own two friends. Ron Weasley reached over and patted his shoulder silently.

"We would never dream of replacing your father, Harry." Remus repeated, catching his eyes again, "But we do love you like our own. I'm sorry if this overwhelms you, I know you don't know us very well. But, if you're willing, we'd like to try to get to know each other better."

Sirius sat back down beside Remus, his fingers brushing against Remus's knee under the table.

"I'm sorry that he's gone." Sirius whispered quietly, "I've missed him more every day. But you're still here, Harry. You don't realise how much of a miracle that is to us. You survived, against all odds. I don't want anything to jeopardize that. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Harry nodded, "Yeah. Sorry I yelled at you."

Remus chuckled lightly, "Don't apologize Harry. You've every right to be upset. Sirius hasn't sat still since he got back, he hates being stuck here. But it's for his safety, he's still being blamed for... for what Peter did." He glanced at Sirius, "We don't expect either of you to be happy about it. But we do hope you listen, so we don't have to lose you too."

He spoke to both of them now.

"Thanks Remus." Harry whispered.

Sirius nodded once, staring down at their now-joined hands, "Thanks, Moons."

So maybe they weren't James, maybe they could never fill that hole in Harry's life. Merlin knew they could never fill the empty space he left in their's.

But they would love Harry until the end. Protect him no matter what it took. Remus would give anything to keep this boy safe, not just because he was Lily's fire and James' compassion, but because he was Harry.

And Harry deserved someone who loved him like their own.

"Let's get ready for dinner." Remus announced, "I think Molly said something about turkey?"

Molly Weasley nodded and shuffled off to the kitchen. The majority of the group left the room with her. Harry cleared his throat,

"Can you tell me about them?" He asked quietly.

"Your parents?" Remus asked. Harry nodded,

"Yeah, I feel like I barely know anything. You were best friends with them right?"

Sirius gave a low chuckle, "The best." He smiled softly.

The fire had died long before they left that table, reminiscing in stories they hadn't been able to talk about since before the first war, telling Harry all about what his parents were like at his age.

And maybe they weren't a normal family. But in that moment? They felt like one.

‎ ‎‧₊˚ ⚡︎ ˚₊‧ ‎‧₊˚ ⚡︎ ˚₊‧ ‎‧₊˚ ⚡︎ ˚₊‧

[asbestos-boy-68]

post your phonepad headcanons be free

you don’t even KNOW what kind of beast you’ve unleashed. btw this is my second time writing this post because the first time i did um tumblr did an error when i tried to post it and i lost the whole thing 🤗 anything for phonepad

mephone is a ben folds fan who plays guitar. mepad is a they might be giants fan who plays piano. they would learn songs from each others fav artist for each other. also they’d jam together TRUST

fan and toilet are their biggest shippers. I CANT BE NUMBER 1 PHONEPAD SHIPPER BECAUSE THEY ARE💔💔

they’re so endgame. THEYRE SO MARRIED. they’d be the SWEETEST married couple everyone would think they were #couplegoals

toilet would be the best man at their wedding

also mephone would make their wedding song the luckiest by ben folds (typical millennial ben folds fan…)

mephone would NOT stfu abt the fact that he married mepad. he’d call him his husband ALL THE TIME even to people that full well knew mepad. like the contestants. he’d be like “so my HUSBAND said-“ and they’d all be like “WE KNOW WHO MEPAD IS BRO SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!”

whenever mephone would get upset mepad would cook any meal he wanted for him and then they’d cuddle and watch reality shows together to make him feel better

mepad cares for mephone like he’s getting paid. esp when he’s sick.

mephone would rant about mepad to floory during iii. floory would call him gay

similarly mepad would rant about mephone to taco after leaving the show, mostly about how much he missed him. taco would tell him to stfu and that mephone was a bitch

when mephone said that he didn’t trust him that hurt mepad like NOTHING else.

regarding mepad’s whole “emotionless” thing i think of it in a sort of yansim type way (WITHOUT THE WEIRDO YANDERE STUFF 💔) like… he doesn’t have feelings but around mephone he does. at least that’s how it’d be at first, but after a while he’d develop a full range of emotions that functioned whether or not he was with mephone. but at first it’d only be around him

mepad always keeps snacks on him for mephone. he knows all of his favorite snacks

mepad is the only person who can calm mephone down when he starts spiraling about cobs

when they’d get together mephone would try and hide their relationship because he’d be worried about cobs knowing and “what will the viewers think about this ?!” but he’d be so ass at it. everyone and their mom would know they were together

no one was surprised when they got together / told ppl they were together. literally NO ONE.

omg my bf said this but like… ok II16 SPOILER WARNING ‼️ anyways yk how some ppl have theorized that all of the contestants are different aspects of mephone’s personality?

mepad loves all of the contestants. HE LOVES EVERY PART OF MEPHONE IM GONNA THROW UP

after mepad left the show mephone would curse himself every day for not telling mepad he loved him sooner

the reason mephone saved mepad was half just because he didn’t want someone else to go through cobs’ abuse and half because he just felt…drawn to mepad. even before he’d started up for the first time mephone felt like the universe was pulling him towards mepad, like they were meant to be SOMETHING.

mepad would be so upset by the fact that mephone acted like he didn’t care when he left the show. he’d be going thru the 5 stages of grief, “did we mean nothing???” type shit

mephone would be so proud that he pulled mepad. he’d think mepad was so out of his league

humanized their height difference is 8 inches mepad is 6’4 mephone is 5’8

as parents mepad would be such a good dad and mephone would… not. but not in like an abusive cobs way in the way that he means the absolute best but he just has no idea what he’s doing. i have a ship kid for them it’s a 3rd gen ipod nano. mepod nano gen3 i love you

their song is “i only wanna be with you” by dusty springfield. that is the song they dance to together in the kitchen at 11:30pm

mephone is so genuinely and truly in love with mepad. he admires every little thing about him and thinks about him all the time.

he cried himself to sleep every night after mepad left and had to use all of his energy every day to not break down about it

mephone acts like a kid when he’s with mepad. he is fully himself, he lets his guard down and doesn’t worry about what he does and how it’ll look, because he knows mepad will love him either way

mepad makes sure that mephone wears nice outfits on camera. trust that during s1 his fits were NOT tippy top . there is a STARK contrast of pre- and post-mepad fits.

mepad doesn’t technically need to eat but whenever mephone bakes (he likes baking, he’s just straight ass at it) he will eat it and say that it’s good even if it’s not

mepad also learned how to cook for mephone

everything mephone does in front of mepad is an attempt to impress him. he wants mephone to think he’s as cool as he thinks he is.

mephone looks up to mepad SO much, he’s so many things he wishes he was and that he admires. maybe he can’t become those things but HE CAN DATE HIM SO CLOSE ENOUGH 😋🙂‍↕️🙏

mepad loves mephone so much i can’t UGEGHSEJWGEKAHD

this isn’t even the half of it bro i’m sure there’s some i forgot since i had to rewrite this + i have a lot more i didn’t write down

AND I DIDNT EVEN GET INTO MY PHONEPAD AU. I COULD MAKE A WHOOOOLE NOTHER POST ON THAT.

enjoy tho 😋 if i think of any more ill reblog w them. also anon if you wanna hear me yap about my phonepad au feel free to ask because i will GLADLY yap 😁

[interlagosainz]

i know i probably sound deranged but . hear me out . charlos pacific rim au . so … jaegar engineer carlos, who was dragged into becoming a pilot even though he could just strategise & build as the brightest to come out of there in years ( even though there’s nico & daniil & mitch & he can only drive himself mad watching them fall from the sky, crash into the water in graves that he designed, scribbles on notes & plans scattered across the table & grief scrawled into the margins of yet another design ).

but the higher–ups are looking for anyone & everyone — & he winds up being drift compatible with lando ( except it’s not the first person he’s compatible with, having paired with redbull’s starboy max years ago & broken their link himself at the last possible minute to avoid being forced into the field, knows how fragile these things are ), made to don an orange uniform & convince everyone that it’s fine, that their meagre efforts are going to stave off the end of the world sooner rather than later. & that’s easy-going & nice, but it’s a stop-gap all the same ( he knows they want someone better, the mclaren unit has a bone to pick & determination to prove they are still the best at this, that they want someone proven to kill & take down kaiju & get the job done in a way he’s only slowly, unbalancedly & fumbling through, figuring out how to ). & though they have great success, he’s also terrified about why it feels so deliberate, why everything feels like such a process, why they say you can’t hide anything in the drift & yet lando has not seen half the things that haunt him in his sleep.

on the other side of the world, there’s ferrari’s star pilot, charles, fresh off a partnership that had initially gone so well but ended so badly that even though they were trying their absolute best, sent their jaeger out of control & into the sea & seb with a patchwork of scars to some strategy related posting in sydney ( pardon the implied sebmark, i had to ) & him to fend off the cameras & questions about what’s wrong with the unit again. & there’s so much speculation, so many people wondering who will work wth charles — he can barely breathe ( not that he ever really could, because to don the colours he does also means some commitment to the bit, to burning til the very end ), runs the tests mechanically, as they put one person after another in front of him & everything comes up empty & he’s pleading every day to just let him solo pilot even though it’ll probably get him killed ( he just wants to go out, to prove himself & keep their shatterdome from falling apart, no matter how impossible it seems ) — but they’re so desperate that they’re testing other pilots, even the ones who are already drifting with someone else, because they can pull those pairings apart in a moment if they needed it somewhere else. thing is, he doesn’t really remember much about the first time they sparred — dark eyes and bracing against an immovable object and some dim recognition that oh is this lando’s co-pilot, moving back and forth like some sort of ebb and flow just like the surface of the ocean he’d slammed into all those months ago — or about the first time they’d attempted to drift in the simulation — blurs of colours and images and something weightless and effortless, opening his eyes and wondering why his mouth tastes like salt, like sea, like tears & the faintest hint of guilt and it feels like all the air’s been sucked clean from his lungs. ( congratulations, you’re compatible. congratulations, hope you hang in there longer & come out of it in fewer pieces than all the ones before you did. )

there is only so much space in this shatterdome. there is only so much space in your mind. & even though it goes so well, carlos a perfect co-pilot & the two of them are completing mission after mission successfully — it feels like they’ve never been able to fully close the space between the pons systems separating themselves when they drift, because after that first time, it was like everything vanished & drifting was only ever something smooth & easy. ( as though charles is very much rooted here, in this moment, and somehow carlos is reading the signal flares from a thousand miles away, and it drives him mad in the process, how someone so outwardly warm & emotional could feel so cold & always armed with a perfect distance in his mind. ) but the first advice they give to any pilot is to never chase the rabbit, to seek the memories & people in others’ minds ( to look into file after file and find them curiously blank and empty, trying to contact people long dead & gone ) — it’s advice that, in the end, charles doesn’t heed. ( i am rambling so much bc rip the meds & idk if this makes any sense but !! idk just want angsty charlos, fluorescent lights & the warmth of another person at the end of the world & just . learning to Understand™️ & be okay with being Perceived™️, that you could fall into the water together & feel like you're never coming up for air & still live, somehow )

first of all, i can’t tell you how excited i was when i got this. thank you so much for sharing your ideas.

“& grief scrawled into the margins of yet another design” FUCKED ME UP. engineer carlos getting used to the feeling that to create a machine is to get ready to grief. i would like to imagine a daniil that can’t pilot anymore because of a major injury and carlos writing to him every chance he has just because he feels like he owns that. he was the one that built the jaegar that daniil was in. maybe if he has changed this, or done that, or was just a little better here—

i love how you paired lando and carlos. imagining a very young and eager lando who grew up admiring pilots and dreaming of his own jaegar and taking down his first kaiju, and on the other side carlos, who didn’t want to be there, who was not supposed to be there, but it’s hard to find good pilots and the investments are getting scarce. so, as you said, they need to get help anywhere they can. “ yet lando has not seen half the things that haunt him in his sleep” YES. lando being to excited and so young that carlos is there mostly to help and guide him rather than create a real connection. lando doesn’t stop to Look at carlos’ mind.

“charles, fresh off a partnership that had initially gone so well but ended so badly” ooooh how i would pay bucks to see this written. i would die to see this. this would be amazing. your whole idea. your whole concept. everything is top notch. also, do not apologize for the implied sebmark. i love the implied sebmark. give me more. “not that he ever really could, because to don the colours he does also means some commitment to the bit, to burning til the very end” here, as soon as i read it, i had to stop and walk around the room. charles is a sacrificial lamb to ferrari in every universe. wearing rosso corsa as if it is blood on his hands. charles not feeling anything. mechanical. work. proving himself. red, red, red. then, sea. then salt. then other colors. then brown eyes. then something else. then another’s feelings in his chest. everything is so fast and then it just stops. just for a moment. then is fast again. i love how you described it, their first ride together, the way it’s nothing magical at the same time it is. it’s very mundane and routine like until it’s not.

i feel like charles has the knife here, he has the power to seek the rabbit, he has the upper hand, he has the power to use the knife to hurt carlos or to hand the knife for carlos to fend himself out of his little cave. but he can’t do anything with his knife. because carlos needs to let him in. and carlos can’t do that. carlos has lost too much, has too many names he carries as a reminder of his failure and he has read charles leclerc file, he knows about his dad, about the pilot that was his mentor, about sebastian, he can’t be another tale mark in the count of grief this boy has to carry.

and charles is having none of that. i don’t think it would be because he cares for carlos, at the begging, but mostly because he thinks that to be a better pilot to be the best one out there the biggest better jaegar and to take down kaijus, they need to know everything about each other: this was a problem with sebastian, he was too far away from charles, always keeping him on the brim. he won’t let it repeat again. he keeps pushing and pushing and pushing just to get to know Something. he needs to know. all while, forgetting that if carlos lets him in, charles will also be open. i don’t think charles would be realizing that until is too late. until he learns that to see someone bare open, with their chest exposed, is to also be vulnerable. the knife cuts both ways. you and i are one tear, one flesh and blood, one painful memory of the world, shared, like a grave. your heart beat in my ribs and mine in yours. intimacy in visceral violence but intimacy is sewing each other up after. to be perceived hurts, at first. you are forced to look at something you would rather hide. but then you are seen. it create a bond that transcends all other types of love, thus acting as the sole point of understanding for the other person in a world that cannot fathom what they’ve been through. you are in a room full of people and you feel like falling down. there’s a arm around you, supporting you, keeping you away from all the eyes, as you do so.

“that you could fall into the water together & feel like you're never coming up for air & still live, somehow” yeah. i need to sit down. this is— just. amazing. thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart, for sharing this.

[shawty-writes-a-little]

From Eden 3.

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part4]

Darkling x brekker!reader

Summary: Summary: The crows find out about the Aleksander facade, Kaz has very civil reaction to his sister

Word count: 5.3k (sorry it took so long)

An: does anyone know how to get the “read more” thingy? Someone told me but I forgot

—

Jesper quickly stopped y/n crossing his arms at the exit door from the lab given both Wylan and y/n were situated at the lab as a sort of safer space, their cleaner record and Kaz proclaimed their inability to fight. "Slow down are you really alright?" Jesper asked her with furrowed brows as he stood in front.

"Yes-yes huh uh yes..." Y/n nodded frantically trying her best to compose her heavy breath after the dream, which is what she wanted to call it but it did not feel like one. Both Jesper and Wylan sat her down on the sofa again taking their seats on the chairs across her.

"You look a bit shaken y/n are you sure you are fine?" Wylan urged, he was in the lab as she made small talk before drifting off to sleep and she seemed just fine to him then.

"It—it was just a dream!" She exclaimed rubbing her eyes as she tried to settle back, overcoming the feeling. She had a lot of things going on at the moment to figure out herself, being kaz's sister she never had a problem being stoic or hiding something as drastic as loosing the love of your life. Truly, the siblings had mastered not letting any major problem show on their face. However y/n realised her grief was getting heavier than she panned out to be-the dream about Aleksander? Seeing him, his touch in her dream it felt so heavy.

"What was it about? You can talk to us..." Wylan said with a wide smile and comforting tone.

"You have been really offset ever since you got back" Jesper added "Whats wrong? Is it about pekka? The kidnapping?"

"No no-not that no" Y/n shook her head, loosing Aleksander weighed over all her other problems. She had trusted Jesper with a lot of don't-tell-kaz situations before and she was aware even when Aleksander was alive, when she were to break the news to all of them Jesper would be the first one. She wasn't so sure about the demo boy though "Could we perhaps talk alone? Because well I can't have Kaz know."

Jesper firstly was taken aback and confused, she hadn't gotten her hands on a lot stuff ever since she got back to ketterdam what could she possibly have done in this much time. "I won't tell Kaz!" Wylan exclaimed, he knew y/n meant she wanted to speak to just Jesper but he was keen to know.

Y/n looked at Jesper with an unsure look, "I promise! I won't tell him anything I swear" Wylan urged, he knew y/n could not trust him with her secrets not that he had given her a reason, he was just new. But he meant to hear her out.

"You can trust him" Jesper said with an assuring shrug to include Wylan in whatever sordid tale she had. However, as she told them about it, Aleksander, almost getting married. The two just blankly stared at her, out of all the wildest things to ever happen nothing could've prepared them for this.

As y/n finished narrating she sat a few moments in silent as the two just stared at her with wide eyes as if she had declared a new regime "Will you two say something?"

"The darkling?" Jesper asked, to be confirm for one he had to be confirmed eight times if the darkling he knew was the darkling she was talking about and all eight times he'd want her to be wrong. "The darkling? The general? The grisha general?"

"Yes. Yes him." Y/n nodded with her lips curled into a thin awkward smile, she never had to break the news to anyone at little palace given everyone knew of their intimacy however her own friends. Jesper seemed far too stunned than she had originally imagined.

"The shadow summoner?" Wylan asked as well, as he did some hand gestures to resemble him "Kirigan? General Kirigan you mean?"

"Yes!" Y/n confirmed again in a high pitched voice getting irritated by the second as it was getting hard to figure out if they were confused of horrified.

"Almost marrying him?!" Jesper whisper yelled as he looked over his shoulder to the door to see if no one was overhearing. "When did you plan to tell us?"

"I did! I was planning on coming here to say it myself because the letters were too formal-"

"Have you lost your mind?!" Jesper said as he stood up pacing around the room. "Did you not once think what would've happened if Kaz knew about this from someone else and-"

"I never intended to keep it hidden!" Y/n said raising her brows, in truth she never did. However her older brother was complicated and she knew even if she was with a nice white collar man Kaz would have his dramatic theories so Aleksander was far from ideal however she did plan to tell Kaz before everything went downhill. "But—he isn't here anymore. There is no point."

"Kaz is right down the-" Wylan tried to tell y/n if she still planned to let him know.

"I meant Aleksander..." Y/n said interrupting her as he replied with a dejected 'oh' of his misinterpretation.

"You do realise he will find out eventually right?" Jesper asked crossing his arms. "I wish I never asked you what was wrong." He said still panicking as he paced around

"What do you mean? I don't plan on telling Kaz anymore he will make a big fuss about it how would he know?" Y/n asked with an obvious tone.

"He always finds out." Wylan agreed staring off as he realised Kaz would find out about his sister's affairs, worst thing you could find yourself be involved in "I'm sorry but I wish you wouldn't have told me either because when he finds out I'll be involved as the one who did not tell him beforehand."

"Why you wanted to know!" Y/n exclaimed truly surprised by their rather regretful behaviour "Look—Kaz won't find out. I have mastered hiding stuff from him he will not find out from me and the only other people who do know are across the fold. Despite of all that...Aleksander is dead." She said with a dejected huff as she tried to hide it as if it didn't mean anything to her "It doesn't account for anything even if Kaz does find out."

"And to think I almost shot at your husband to be" Jesper said with a playful scoff as both y/n and Wylan shot him a too-soon look. "Sorry" he muttered and sat on the chair across y/n again.

"If I'd known what he was going to do I swear I never would've gotten you Kaz and Inej on the ship that day trust me I did not know he—" Y/n began to ramble as Jesper nodded interrupting her midway.

"Of course!" Jesper scoffed in an obvious manner, he didn't even need to be reassured that y/n wouldn't ever put their lives at stake. "That's alright I know that-it's just well you and Kirigan...I never would've expected that." Jesper had only ever seen her as the girl who begged him to teach her card tricks and how to swing a gun to make you look intimidating, how to tie shoe laces, he had always seen kaz's sister as his own and her making big decisions at all was a bit emotional.

"I know!" Y/n replied exhaling with downcasting her gaze. She knew it was difficult to explain her situation with Aleksander, what he'd done in the past was his past. All she had known of him from when she first knew him wasn't that man, it wasn't the man who made the fold it was the man who'd bring the world to its knees for her, he was her Aleksander but there was no way she could explain that without sounding like a dumbfounded idiot who couldn't see past him. All of that yet after he died she couldn't hold what he did wrong against him because what hurt more is she never got a goodbye, "He hurt a lot of people. He did a bad thing and I do not endorse that" she reasoned and reached out for her side pocket and took a ring in front of the two "But I just—I just can't seem to let go off him" she said as he voice cracked and she held the ring between her fingers, not wearing it, she simply stared at it as if it was his face.

"Your grief is just as valid y/n" Wylan urged as he leaned forward "Loosing someone you loved is difficult and because he hurt people doesn't mean you don't get to grieve. You loved him despite of what he was, you loved him. And however wrong it might sound you-"

"No no it's alright." Y/n shrugged off clearing her throat, she hated being consoled or comforted not because of the sense of vulnerability. From what she'd learned from Kaz she had known that in order to deal with your wearies you never tell anyone in on it. The only way. "I am not going to weep about it all my days I have grieved enough I am alright." She raised her brows with an unserious shrug. Being way more familiar with bottling her emotions than letting it out there was a sense of comfort on holding onto something she'd always known. The only person she would always have was herself, that's how Kaz dealt with everything and so did she. The only person who tried to break these walls of her was Aleksander, would she admit that it worked? But would it matter now? Aleksander was gone, the walls were back up and the unnamed emptiness inside of her grew amongst the heavy weight of his absence.

—

In a fortnight or so Kaz brought back all they'd lost to pekka, not necessarily all whom him and y/n had lost. But still, the crow club however much in ash, they had it back. Their stadwatch off reputation and life back up out of the underground. Settling into their old rooms again y/n could barely recall it being over three days or so, a knock bringing out the most of unexpected of news with a new job proposals for the 'thieves'. "Inside inside inside!" Jesper exclaimed hurriedly as he stood in y/n's way from coming down the stairs. "Don't!"

"What is happening?" Y/n asked stepping back given the obvious fright on Jesper's face it seemed her presence downstairs could be difficult in a way. However there were no sounds of gunshot or fight being heard from down the stairs just a faint discussion.

"Zoya. The Etherealki? She is here!" Jesper explained as he looked over his shoulder warming y/n about it. He had known from the grisha order and poise way of speaking she was a previous little palace resident who must known of the general and y/n like she had mentioned the other day.

"Zoya?" Y/n asked confused, "Nazyalensky? What? What is she doing here?!"

"A turn of events actually..." He chuckled nervously unsure what would be the right tone to lay this news on her "The general is alive." He paused a bit to let her comprehend that "They want us to steal the Neshyener because our general dear has apparently had some modifications over the course of being well dead but at the moment he isn't actually he wasn't to begin with—"

"What?" Y/n asked standing stunned and not capturing any word after 'the general is alive' "He is alive? What?" She repeated the same question yet Jesper did not seem to be joking about it as he nodded "How? He-he is what? Aleksander?! Aleksander is alive?!" She asked in a frustrated tone as all the emotions of glee, anger and dejection went through her in just two seconds.

"Yes that is the news Zoya and her corporalki accomplice brought in they—" before Jesper could finish the news y/n was already moving past him rushing down the stairs. "No y/n wait—" Often he did not keep Kaz's secretl well if only from Inej, Jesper preferred letting her know if he wasn't explicitly told. However he tend to take y/n's secrets to his grave because they had a history of dont-let-Kaz-know between them. Situations Inej could get them out of, however this was the first time that if Inej knew she would be far more disappointed.

At the moment as y/n rushed down the stairs she did not even think what she'd tell Kaz "What happened? Alek—Kirigan is what?" She asked frantically.

"He is alive apparently." Kaz said with a distasteful expression at his mention, already in a bad mood from his affronted dialogues with Inej.

"H-how? How though? Didn't he die-that day in the fold-didn't he-?" Y/n asked still comprehending this mountain of a discourse on her. Wylan shared an awkward frown with Jesper from across the room as she shrugged in replying with a gesture that couldn't keep her from rushing down her.

"The worst ones always make it out apparently." Inej commented with a nod, her belief in santka Alina was enough to fuel all possible despise for Kirigan.

Taking a deep breath in y/n nodded "Huh-so-oh-so that...so that is true?" She asked however it was more of an admission to herself.

Kaz was a bit zoned out already planning on how to steal the Nesheneyer not so quick to pick up on whatever crisis y/n seemed to be having, however Inej caught on "Are you alright, y/n?" She asked her in a soft tone.

"Mhm" she cleared her throat realising the weight of this news in the room, she straightened her back crossing her arms as if she wasn't more concerned about this than the rest of them "Yes I am just-I am surprised how he just—still alive. That—that rascal!" She said with a scoff to seem oblivious on the information she held on. Hoping Nina wouldn't pick up on her heartbeat, however Kaz did. Not on her heartbeat but on the way she spoke, she never often spoke half or delayed words.

Before Kaz could make a remark on that Zoya spoke "If it isn't the wedding bells I hear!" This is what Jesper tried to warn y/n about. Well not that she had volunteered to come down to the war zone she might as well face it.

"Zoya, don't." Y/n scowled hoping she would keep her jokes and remarks to herself because it was a time bomb waiting to tick off.

"What?" Kaz asked as he studied the amused reaction from Zoya that unsettled his sister "What wedding bells?"

"Zoya..." y/n urged again pleading with her eyes, it would be so much better to come up with a lie for Kaz later than have the whole scene unfold in front of everyone, not that she minded everyone but she was still getting over the news she had just gotten of Aleksander being alive.

Zoya looked around the room for once, everyone's expression oblivious as if they didn't know what she meant to imply, they truly did not. "You haven't told them have you?" She huffed.

"Told us what?" Kaz asked raising a sharp brow.

"Yes uh what-what is it that we most definitely do not know?" Wylan added trying to act just as unknown as the rest of them to whatever information was about to follow.

"Now is not the time alright?" Y/n said to Zoya shaking her head at her as she disregarded kaz's question.

"Your sister was about to get married" Zoya said as she smiled at y/n she was clearly delighted to be the one to relay this information, Kaz already had his face scrunched in a frown however Zoya added "To Kirigan."

"What nonsense!" Kaz said as he clashed his cane on the floor and stood from his chair. He did not even need to ask his sister wether this was true or not he practically knew that couldn't simply be true.

Taking a leap of confidence onto kaz's trust in her y/n stepped forward standing next to Kaz as she scoffed in disbelief at Zoya "You make up lies like these about other people is why your own life is so miserable!"

"Oh? I am the one who is making up the lie?" Zoya replied raising her brows at the sheer audacity of her to deny it with such confidence "We had wedding preparations going on for her and the general, resumed due to the winter fete." Nina could tell that Zoya wasn't lying as she pried on her heartbeat. However she kept it to herself truly not wanting to believe that kaz's sister almost married Kirigan. She wouldn't have wanted to believe so for anyone.

"Bullshit." Kaz scoffed once again with his unwavering belief of his sister's way of life, he had been writing letters to her all her time being at the little palace and she would often visit ketterdam whilst there, she never once mentioned the Kirigan. If it was as far stretched as marriage surely she would've told him.

"Do I look like I have the time and patience to fool around a group of thieves?" Zoya retorted.

"Don't flatter yourself it would take eight of you to fool the lot of us" Jesper quipped a bit offended at being referred to as a 'crook'

"Jes." Inej said keeping him from further comments, not that she minded it but the tension over y/n getting married to the shadow summoner was far worse for quips and witty remarks.

"Alright yes sure Zoya! You are absolutely right! I most definitely was madly in love with the general and I was about to get married to him and yet this entire time I did not tell my only brother about it!" Y/n remarked sarcastically throwing her hands in the air in exasperation as if she was genuinely being falsely accused.

"Y/n isn't lying." Nina said this time with wide and confused eyes.

"See!" Y/n exclaimed "Thank you Nina!"

"No—you weren't lying about what you just said. Your heartbeat was steady" Nina added shaking her head to clear when exactly y/n wasn't lying.

"See!" Zoya exclaimed further with the same smug smile she had the entire time.

"Enough of this." Kaz said "Y/n, tell me the truth." He demanded as he turned to his sister who did not say anything further which secretly worried him a bit to even wonder that Zoya was right "Y/n..." He spoke again as his sister looked down to her feet but he leaned lower to follow her gaze.

"It's not that I did not wanted to tell you trust me I was about to-" y/n rambled rushing to her defence as she was aware no amount of denying could let it get past Kaz now. Gasps went across the room yet Jesper and Wylan seemed to be the most shocked as they played it out.

"You..." Kaz seethed as he felt the weight of the world crushing on his shoulders "You imbecile! You bloody imbecile! Do you have any idea what kind of a-"

"Do not raise your voice at me!" Y/n exclaimed furrowing her brows, she knew e was partially in the wrong "Do not raise your voice at me!" She said raising her voice the same volume as his.

"When were you planning on telling me?! At my funeral? Or when I'm in my grave?" Kaz scoffed at her with a million other things and questions to stay brewing inside him, at the moment he was so angry to say it all at once.

"This—this is exactly why I didn't tell you before because I knew you would react this way—this" she pointed between them "this dramatically!" Y/n exhaled placing her palms on her face as she tried to calm herself.

"What exactly was it between you and that heretic?" Kaz asked with a distasteful expression.

"Well" Y/n looked around the room to stall but the horrified faces of everyone just made it worse "We were—romantically involved and it just-"

"What were you even thinking?" Kaz said as his face twisted in disgust and he strolled across the room "No-what was I thinking?" He emphasised on 'I' "Sending you to little palace so you're safer there amongst your own grisha, but this entire time your foolishness was the problem? It was my fault to think you might just act your age and do anything BUT marry the worst possible man to ever walk the land but you exceed all expectations y/n!"

"Stop patronising me! I understand I should've told you earlier and I am sorry. But you are acting as if I committed an unspeakable crime!" Y/n exclaimed to her defence as she shrugged, she never considered her and Aleksander a mistake even after what he did. She simply had far better memories, a life on a more beautiful phase of itself and she did not plan to make it revolve around 'what would Kaz think of this'

"How long has this been going on?" He asked y/n yet when she did not reply with an unbothered expression so he turned to Zoya "hmm?"

"Five years or so..." Zoya said truthfully and tolya gave her look. She wasn't adding fuel to the fire, her intention may have been it but she was just being truthful.

"Four and a half." Y/n corrected rolling her eyes and Kaz's face was almost seething with uncontrollable anger, those around him had only ever seen him like this for a handful of time, so angry that he wasn't even scheming.

"You are so awfully naive" Kaz said with an irritated huff "Who else knew about this?" He asked out and turned at the faces of the rest of the crow, neither Nina nor Inej had any input. Jesper had a rather solemn face as well however Wylan's eyes were darted off everywhere else in the room "Wylan?"

"I did not know beforehand she just told me prior this week and I had no idea it would be something this huge but Jesper and I had promised her we won't tell you." Wylan blurted out, as Kaz has expected.

Jesper shut his eyes in disbelief "Wow" he mouthed at Wylan "Kirigan was presumed dead at the time otherwise we would've surely informed you."

"Oh how thoughtful of you Jesper. Tomorrow if he dies again be sure to hide things from me because what does it matter then?" Kaz rebuked and turned to y/n again "Do you realise y/n? That if all the morons in the entirety of the world had to come together and pick a leader you would surely would have no competition!"

"You are upset and I understand that but you aren't entitled to say whatever that comes to your mind because I did not tell you one thing" Y/n replied as she crossed her arms.

"I have had to protect you all my life." he spits out before he can stop himself. He's never spoken these words aloud. He's always just done it and made sure to never say it, but his emotions are all over the place right now. "I've had to keep you safe from everything so I believe I do  have the right to be angry when you do something so stupid."

"I am sorry you did not left me in an alleyway or something when we were younger truly sorry to take up so much of your life!" Y/n scoffed letting out a dejected huff, it was just a bit affronting the way he spoke about having to keep her safe "All you did was have me hide somewhere or send me away to keep me safe—that is even after crow club. To you it is-I am your responsibility before your family."

"I think we are all just crossing lines we don't mean to we can have this conversation later—"Inej tried to reason and have the siblings to stop fighting.

"No let him have at his melodrama." Y/n said with a grimacing "You know instead of all this slander if you had started planning on how we get the Nesheneyer-"

"We?" Kaz stopped her mid sentence "We" he pointed to the rest of the room "We are getting the Nesheneyer. You are not coming with us."

"What? No-what why? All of the crows are going why not me?" She asked a bit surprise that Kaz would exempt her out of nowhere.

"All of the crows did not almost get married to a monster and did not tell me about it." Kaz said as he raised his brows at her in a matter-of-fact attitude.

"What does that have to do with this? You cannot just hold that against me!" Y/n exclaimed in a high pitched voice.

"I can hold that against you. I am holding that against you." Kaz said firmly.

Y/n was getting hugely irritated at Kaz's decisions on how and where she should be situated "Well fine. Do as you must but you do realise you cannot just hold me back? I can come along on my own."

"How so?" He asked in disbelief and total faith she could not get anywhere across borders on her own.

"To serve Ravaka." Y/n replied bluntly, truly wasnt her reason but whatever worked.

"You do realise Ravaka's enemy at the moment is Kirigan himself? The man you were indulged with for five years and almost married? He is a traitor to Ravaka which makes you one as well." Kaz explained.

"We have the same blood so if I'm a traitor then you're a traitor." Y/n replied sharply.

"I can disown you then." Kaz replied with a shrug completely unbothered by the idea.

"You don't have enough time for the papers." Y/n reminded him, being disowned was kaz's very overused threat to her to stop her from doing what he did not want her to. It only ever worked until she was ten later she just came to realise he was always bluffing, even now.

"I will forge the papers." Kaz said having one solution after another, not that he would do it but just letting her know it was possible for him to do so.

"Then I will forge a passport." Y/n replied crossing her arms.

"I will lock you behind ten metal doors!" Loosing his patience to deal with his conversation Kaz exclaimed, he already had a lot more to say to her about going behind his back to run rendezvous with the darkling.

"I would love to see you try let's see if you have both hands by the end of it." Y/n threatened as Nina let out an exhale of 'saints' the siblings were getting on each other's nerves.

"I said you are not going then you are not going!" Kaz said letting out a heavy breath thinking his word would be the last.

"You are such a prick!" Y/n gave him a shove agitated that he wasn't even trying to consider what she had to say.

"I am trying to protect you!" He poked her arm with his cane in response to her shove truly leaving all the patience for a civil conversation.

That was it, the siblings were at each other's throat after that quite literally throwing hands at one another. Kaz held his sister by her collar as she tried lunge at him a few punches or so "You raggedy little man stop trying to sabotage my life!" She yelped as they continued pushing and shoving each other, throwing hands in an attempt to get the upper hand. 

"That monster of your you almost married wasn't sabotaging your life?!" Kaz exclaimed poking her with his cane again once she kicked him, he bed a firm upper hand having gripped her by her collar to keep her from reaching to scratch at his face. "Got manipulated for five years almost into a marriage and I am the one sabotaging your life?"

"It isn't what you make it out to be. I dare you say that again-"

"Manipulated. He manipulated you. You dimwit-"

"You son of a bitch—" She was about to swear at him more when he tugged at her hair "Ow. Ow-ow." She struggled yet managing to continuing kicking him.

"We have the same mother!" He reminded her, the rest of them present in the room knew they had to intervene at some point. Inej was the first to take a step. Nina, Jesper and Wylan followed too with much struggle to get the two to separate.

Tolya gave his input as well, he simply lift y/n off Kaz as Nina stood in front of her and the others managed to get Kaz to stop poking at her with his cane "I will kill you!" She yelled at her brother still waving her legs in air to reach him.

"Not if you die first!" He screamed back struggling against the barrier of Jesper, Wylan and Inej.

"Enough..." Nina urged the two of them "Enough of this. Nobody is dying."

Kaz inhaled a sharp breath as he straightened his coat and tried to calm himself "Put me down!" Y/n exclaimed as tolya still had her mid air, and she scoffed irritatedly as she stared down Kaz. She knew if she treaded there same way with him again it would be of no point. She took a deep breath to collect herself as she rubbed her eyes.

"You can throw all the tantrums you want but you are not going with us. It is far too dangerous as it is and how do I know you won't run off to your beloved monster?" Kaz snapped as he attempted to leave the room, not wanting to have any more of this conversation he was already disappointed and mad for y/n about her and the general.

"I won't Kaz please that isn't fair I am sorry!" Y/n began with a gentler proceeding tone.

"I said no." Kaz said unmoved by her apology, even if she did mean it he was far from accepting it. He was so good at holding a grudge as it is.

"But Kaz..." her voice trailed off but Kaz was already walking out, she paced upto him "Please I am sorry I truly am. I know I upset you I was wrong and I know should've told you. Believe me I never wanted to keep you from it and I planned on telling you countless times I am sorry. I really am but for now...please let me come along. Please I have never asked you for anything all my life please just this one time let me come along." She pleaded, he could mad at her all he wished after that.

Kaz breathed in heavily as he looked like he was considering it, he looked like he did always, solemn and unreadable but if he wasn't already saying anything he was considering it. "You are not to leave my sight for once-"

"Done." Y/n replied agreeing to whatever terms he had if he planned on letting her go with him.

"You will not leave my sight for once and you are not to pull any stunts." He finished his condition with a serious expression as y/n nodded.

"I promise I won't!"

—

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[presidentofthelipglossclub]

i'm never gonna get over optimus refusing to put the rescue bots in the war. like fuck man THATS love. he cared so much he couldn't tell anyone about them. he contacted them in secret, took care of them, visited them, presumably fed them, gave them advice, and the entire time he did it in secret. he couldn't let them get hurt because of the conflict.

and i think, while this is really sweet, it's also a really good way to see into optimus' character and to observe his morality. how nice can it be if he's part of the reason they're the last ones left? how much can he help if he's never around? how much can he care if he's lying to everyone around him so that they don't find out?

the rescue bots are a very physical, unavoidable reminder of his failings. we all know optimus has a very deep sense of grief at the war, especially towards megatron. they were very close, and he feels like he failed somehow. at least with megatron, they're enemies. optimus can justify their conflict, because megatron has done terrible things. but the thing is, so has he.

the rescue bots can't be ignored. he has to directly confront his crimes because of them, because he feels an obligation to repent. his war is the reason they're in that position in the first place. the only way optimus can live with himself is to help them. and sure, he does actually grow to care about them as individuals, instead of just what they represent, but still. how can you trust someone who only sees you for what you mean for them, not what you actually are? and for optimus, how can you care about people who represent everything you've ever done wrong?

the relationships in rescue bots are highly nuanced, and this is no exception. i mean, the moral implications of the rescue bots' whole situation are enough to make a philosopher cry! (or jump for joy it depends). like, how do you justify hiding their identities while making them do literal life or death work when they have no choice to be there, are receiving no compensation, and aren't enjoying it? is that really better than being part of the war? at least there, you know you had a role in the chaos. at least you understand it.

i mean optimus himself said in the first episode that because they're the last rescue bots, they HAVE to help. he didn't give them a choice, because he wants to preserve them. and while that's a nice sentiment, he's focused on what they mean for their species, instead of who they are and what they want. right after they're told they don't have a choice, they're told that also, they have to pretend to not be sentient and have to partner and live with these random people from a different species that they know nothing about. that's, at best, a morally iffy situation.

i think we should talk more about a morally grey optimus, who keeps trying to help, but tends to misplace his sentiments. because it's clear he's trying to do the right things for everyone, but the whole thing is such a jumbled mess! for the past four million years, there's always been an enemy to fight. but here, that isn't a thing. there's no overlord trying to harm the rescue bots, there's no violence, no one is being malicious. the situation is because of a war they had no part in, and a conflict they have no place in.

i wanna see more rescue bots being upset because of that. their situation might have gotten better, and they might have learned to enjoy it, but that doesn't mean it wasn't a shitty place to put them in. and they understand that optimus really does love them, and that's why he made the choices he did, but that doesn't erase all of their hurt. they had to live as machines, only operating under orders, having others steal the credit, not getting paid, and that's only from the humans! other cybertronians don't even know they exist! that's fucked up!!

there isn't really a message or moral for this post. i just like analyzing the reasons and motivations of characters, as well as their morality.

[notimeliketoday]

Northern Crater Illusion (Tifa version)

I know people's been saying something about this part in like forever especially in the OG but I finally get the courage and spite to write my own take. That's what I get staying on twitter I guess.

(You best believe I will post this there but on concentrated amount - character limit is only the blue checkmark's friend on that island.)

Most specifically I want to have a closer look on how Sephiroth pulled his attack using this *truth* that he and Tifa share and how this translates to Tifa's own personal conflict with Sephiroth himself.

Yeah, got so tired in that Sephiroth hates Tifa because of her interference to his plans for Cloud and the only one who can fix him takes.

No, fam. That's what the Rebirth seem to imply to y'all but Sephiroth already hates Tifa in OG separate from Cloud. (Or does he?). Heck, him leaving his Masamune beside her father's corpse is a literal taunt daring her to go after him and use his weapon to inflict damage to his person. This is before Cloud made himself known by stabbing him due to his own grief by the way.

Even with all this, we see he doesn't really seem to care to remember the name of who killed him until Cloud had to point it out in Junon.

CLOUD had to point it out. His KILLER has to tell him his name just to make him remember.

Tifa though?

Getting talked to so intimately with faux kindness - the very same treatment he now shows Cloud in Rebirth, imagine that.

Now let's also remember that this is the OG and therefore any trappings of Rebirth's new plot doesn't exist here because this is the beginning of it all.

Anyway, I revisited this scene because of an itch urging me (it's the spite) and a thought suddenly occurred to me.

If we remove Cloud's side and trappings in that part of the illusion (basically all things Cloud) and look at this from Tifa's perspective as a standalone thing for her own character, it paints a very clear picture of Sephiroth attacking her.

People always miss this because Cloud once again overshadowed Tifa's own trauma and unresolved conflict with Sephiroth as the one more openly attacked in this scene.

Let's look at Sephiroth's lines:

The lie has been set. Obviously Tifa won't let this unanswered if she could help it. So this is her response:

With Sephiroth's response to this being the first images I posted above.

It's been made clear how extremely pressured Tifa was at this scene especially when Cloud reveals he hinges all his faith in her while suffering her own trauma again AND attacked by their enemy.

It wasn't just Cloud Sephiroth gaslighted in this scene.

That's what this part is trying to show us and regardless of who gets attacked here the outcome is the same: Cloud is just an illusion created by Jenova using memories of people, most especially Tifa.

Sephiroth doesn't hide his attacks to her at all and it astounds me how everyone who played this game back then believed only Cloud was dealt a great mental blow. (Most of y'all are kiddies I guess that also tracks.)

Tifa actually had it much worse!

She was so overwhelmed from it all she accidentally made the wrong move of answering Cloud in the negative:

When I said she's under tremendous pressure it isn't just because of reliving her trauma and carrying the burden of Cloud's mental state alongside her own increasingly damaged psych.

It is the fact that Cloud wasn't the only one relying on her affirmation - or lack thereof - to validate which one was speaking the "truth". Sephiroth was also using her to confirm his claims and he knew very well he's got the upper hand to the "truth" she has known, all the while gaslighting her that it IS the only truth. There's even a picture to prove it!

This is not the picture but this is also that picture.

Of course, Sephiroth made sure to include her into the story. She's not part of it simply because she was there but because according to his statement..... her memories are part of Jenova's knowledge used to make *Cloud* - the failed clone.

The Cloud who by Seph's own words is just a construct of Hojo after Nibelheim's burning. A clean slate born from collective memories thanks to Jenova.

The sheer implications behind these statements are our clue to the underlying conflict that exist between Tifa and Sephiroth outside of Cloud. That the hatred is not a one-sided thing, and just because it isn't readily understood why it exist doesn't mean it isn't present.

Sephiroth drives the knife further to twist the mental wounds even more. Tifa being the one to carry the most burden of all:

Now here's a pretty interesting thought: a girl who is just plain ordinary is important enough to have Jenova's effort in molding a clone after her own desires - her childhood friend. Sephiroth is basically admitting he's got one special clone just for her. (He even gave her one in Remake but that's a slightly different story).

Ignoring the fact that Cloud is not a construct it still makes you wonder: why use her for that lie? Why her in particular?

(We are using Tifa as our center focus for this so I'm going to exclude the "she's Cloud's childhood friend reasoning. This is not about him.)

Then it can be answered if you look at it as his own way of tormenting Tifa - using a clone imbued with her memories.

A mutual on twit said that maybe because she's the one who the group trusts the most, however more than half the party wasn't there yet when *Cloud* (who Sephiroth consistently claims is just his clone) appears in front of her on that bench.

AVALANCHE as it was at that point doesn't have anyone else with a connection to Cloud.

So it goes to show she is the target of said clone's manifestation.

That is, if we believe the lie Sephiroth weaved and take it as he said it at face value, which definitely is what his claim would be to Tifa who can't refute it, especially because apparently *Cloud* really did show signs of "clone behavior" when they first met but the tech limit back then doesn't show us how it should be like to its fullest extent.

(As someone points out here: https://www.google.com/amp/s/hartofhearts.tumblr.com/post/665525778591694848/the-implications-of-tifas-familiarity-with-marco/amp) My phone isn't cooperating 😭

How could she when his "truth" matches exactly everything she knew five years ago? How could she say he's wrong when Cloud's behavior was suspect when they met for the first time in years after Nibelheim (and for her part after he left for SOLDIER)?

She tried refuting but it's clear she has her own doubts about him as well, as she couldn't continuously defend Cloud from Sephiroth's persistent claim about his current identity.

By gaslighting Cloud he doesn't exist, he also gaslights Tifa into thinking her real childhood friend is gone and it's all just in her head now.

Sephiroth KNEW so well she wanted to see Cloud five years ago but didn't see him and use that to his own advantage. It's why this is so effective a gaslight to both.

As far as Tifa knew, the last time she saw Cloud was when he left to join Soldier. This Cloud's fate is unknown to her, maybe he died or maybe he forgot about her and all such insecurities Sephiroth could use with that solidify his claims that he was all " Aw, poor Tifa. Waiting for someone who never came. Here, Jenova's made you a clone with your memories of that boy to play with you."

That's what it looks like if we only see this scene through Tifa's eyes.

Again, taunting her in the same vein as when he first did leaving Masamune besides her father's body.

Why would he do so if Tifa didn't caught his attention in the first place?

Sephiroth is clearly playing around with her and toys with her emotions just as clearly as he attacked Cloud.

He just couldn't break her like he could him no matter how hard he tried because Tifa's mental fortitude is so strong.

[onestormeynight]

Picnic

"You could have picked any park, Uncle Sam," Nellie pouted. "Why this one?"

"What's wrong with this one?" He balked. "It's close to the clinic in case I get an emergency call."

Nellie stared at him coldly for awhile before whispering, "Grandma died here."

Sam looked embarrassed, then put an affectionate arm around his niece's shoulders. She was rigid, cold as marble in the Oasis Springs sun, her fear and grief sucking all the warmth from her form.

"Nellie, you know she didn't die because she came to the park."

"I know."

"You know she had live a very long and full life. Nothing attacked her. There was no strange activity. Aunt Penny was old."

"You think I'm stupid? I know all this."

"Then what are you so afraid of?"

She was quiet again. Her tongue was heavy with words, but how was she supposed to tell him she was afraid of people like his mother? Afraid of people, of strangers. The house was safe, protected from people. It was in the middle of nowhere.

"Lily died, you know," Same offered. "She's gone. And I don't know of anyone else who had beef with Aunt Penny."

"You're Mom died!? When?!"

It was Sam's turn to shrug. "A few weeks ago. It's fine. She was a monster, I'm not like, sad that she's gone. I don't have to protect my son from her, now. Why don't you go write in that journal you're trying to hide for a bit until you're a little more comfortable, okay?"

Nellie took in the desert surroundings in a slow sweep of her gaze. "This place does speak of the struggle between life and death, doesn't it?"

Had she said this to any of her other relatives, the mood would have changed. Her parents would have fidgeted nervously, unsure of how to respond. Ida would call her weird. Aunt Ellie probably would have scolded her and recommended therapy.

Sam was different. Sam had a darkness in him that recognized the one inside her, a pain that made others uncomfortable that she was forced to carry alone. Silent.

"You're right, kid," he said. "It does."

Meanwhile, Rosie had fired up the grill and started preparing ribs for everyone to enjoy. Inside her brewed a similar struggle to her daughter; this park made her uncomfortable, too. The last time she had been here was with Penny when she died. Determined to have a good time, Rosie swallowed down the painful memories and cooked out her feelings.

Ida was not the fisherperson that her father was, but she enjoyed the quiet contemplation of fishing. Robin had never been much of a talker, they had that in common. Parents don't have favorites, but there was no denying that Ida was closer in personality to him than Nellie was.

Sam was the first person to join Rosie for lunch. She took the opportunity to inquire about her daughter.

"I wish she'd talk to me the way she does you," Rosie said.

"She can't, Roz. There are some pains you just have to live to know."

"Is she...okay? Should I be worried?"

Sam shook his head, licking BBQ from his fingers. "I don't think she'll hurt herself, if that's what you're asking. But okay? No. She's not."

Rosie sighed and put her plate down, appetite ruined. "I should have had her seeing someone the second that heinous bitch screamed at her. I failed her."

"You did what you thought was best. These things don't come with a manual. But coming from someone who was a troubled teen, I'm telling you to keep an eye on her."

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