#his death added so much i think it was ultimately a good decision

[lostitinthelights]

being in love with an immortal would probably kill me

and i don't mean in the emotional sense

like yeah the thought of the person i love not aging while i do and them having to go on without me at some point would hurt terribly but i mean it in a way more direct sense

if you're immortal, of course you're gonna take more risks, put yourself in more danger because there is less at stake

and it is just human to want to level with your partner and their energy

what i'm trying to say is, if my partner was immortal and faced terribly destructive situations trying to safe the world i would want to be there to support them because i love them

and that would probably get me killed at some point

[sonicblueartist]

What about a one-shot or just a suggestive story where Shadow takes advantage of y/n?

A/n: I'm probably gonna get all the fans' attention with this one huh? I normally don't write anyone but Tails but I am making an expection for some reason today. Have a good read I guess! Idk why I write what I write today XD Sorry for the long wait.

I left you guys in a cliffhanger. hah! idk if I would continue tho

Masterlist

Pairings: Shadow x Reader

They/them // She/her // He/him // Other

Summery; Eggman made a new weapon out of Shadow. Let's see what it is

Warnings: smut, lemon, suggestive themes, blood, marking, biting, tearing flesh, attempted rape

Word Count: 1371

Btw does anyone want to be in the tag list?

As your eyes flickered over him in fear, you were instantly struck by the sharp and scary aura emanating from his breathtaking violet eyes. Shadow stood before you, his chest heaving rapidly as if he had just completed a long and demanding marathon. His fur was damp, drenched in sweat, and his claws peeked out menacingly from his gloves. His fangs were visible, adding to the unnerving sight that confronted you. But what puzzled you most was the absence of any evidentiary explanation for his condition, except for one haunting phrase that echoed in your mind.

"What do you think is the most natural instinct of an animal, the most wild and scary one?" Eggman's voice resonated in your head, reminding you of his words moments ago. "Their bloodlust? Hunger to stay alive? Maybe. But there is something else that is much *more* dangerous and entertaining. 'The will to do anything to death for their mate.' "

The memory of Eggman's sinister revelation half an hour ago flooded your mind. You hadn't expected this game of catch to turn into something so disturbing. Though you had managed to catch your breath, your heart still raced uncontrollably, struggling to make sense of the unsettling situation unfolding before you.

Your eyes widened in fear as Shadow took deliberate steps toward you, raising the possibility of him falling victim to Eggman's trap, turning against his friends. A sense of terror gripped you, leaving you feeling trapped with no way to escape. Desperately, you scanned your surroundings, searching for an exit, but found nothing. You found yourself backed into a dead end.

"And to mate, of course." Your throat tightened as you heard Eggman's words reverberating in your mind. The realization struck you like a bolt of lightning—Shadow was hungry, thirsty for you. Eggman's twisted plans had successfully turned him, and now the true extent of Shadow' instincts became clear. No, this couldn't be true. Shadow wouldn't do this to you, would he? The shocking dishonor of Eggman's manipulation left you bewildered, unable to fathom the torment inflicted upon your friends.

"C-come on, Shadow. This isn't you," you started nervously, your voice shaking. "We both know that you don't wanna do this. Behave yourself! Think logically, like you always do! We're still in Eggman's base. He's playing with you, with your mind, your instincts! You are the ultimate life form, damn it! You can't just succumb to Eggman like that! There are Badniks running around, and if they find us, we're finished-"

Your plea was interrupted as Shadow forcefully pinned both his hands beside your head, a whimper left your lips in fear. A deep snarl escaping his lips as you attempted to slide away. Trapped between him and the wall, you realized the extent of his transformation. No longer the loyal companion you once knew, he approached you with predatory purpose, garnered by one sole instinct—breeding. You were left with a terrifying decision. Would you become the first to fall at his hands before the Badniks got to you?

After examining his prey's frightened face for a while, Shadow slowly lowered himself, his nose skimming along your neck. His actions mirrored those of a true animal, inhaling your scent as his salivating mouth revealed his primal desire for your presence. The sensation of his warm breath against your skin sent shivers down your spine, intensifying the horrifying nature of the situation.

Attempting to muster the strength to push him away, you fought against his grip, but his strength surpassed anything you could have imagined. Like an iron vice, his grasp held firm, rendering your efforts fruitless. In spite of the predicament you found yourself in, you couldn't help but be mesmerized by Shadow' well-built form, his muscles flexing in the most hypnotic manner.

You quickly shook away such distracting thoughts, forcing yourself to concentrate on finding a way out of this nightmare. Every fiber of your being screamed for escape as Shadow began to suckle at your neck and shoulder, exhaling his hot breath in sporadic bursts. The sounds he made only served to further ignite the blazing heat that reddened your face, flooding you with a mix of desire and terror.

Suppressing a moan, you desperately struggled to redirect your focus, your mind racing for an escape plan. Yet, how could you concentrate on anything other than the overpowering dominance Shadow exhibited? Pressed against the wall by his scorching body, each breath and moan he emitted only served to remind you of the pleasure he was experiencing.

Amidst his sloppy kisses and teasing nibbles, you fought fiercely against the sensations threatening to consume you, trying to maintain your composure. However, as Shadow momentarily eased the pressure of his body against yours, he replaced it with his leg pressed against your groin, effectively preventing any escape. The mix of pain and pleasure elicited a whine from your lips, pushing Shadow to suckle at your shoulder with renewed vigor.

Finally, he got bored and withdrew from his sloppy territory. The room grew suffocatingly silent as he moved his fangs along your throat, gently biting a few places, feeling your heartbeat increasing. He licked his lips and shifted his attention to your other shoulder, leaving a trail of kisses and sucking hungrily, leaving little marks. But it seemed like that wasn't enough for him anymore; he growled, as if yearning for something more primal.

With his fingers deeply entwined in your hair, he pulled, causing you to gasp, displaying your neck like a plate of meal to him. Without warning, he sank his teeth into your shoulder, his fangs piercing through your skin. Tears slipped from your eyes as you cried out in pain. He let your arms go and held you tightly from your waist, as you gripped his back for support. You closed your eyes, gritting your teeth, and unwillingly scratched his back in pain. It felt as though his teeth were digging deeper into your shoulder, testing your limits.

Shadow let out a pleasured sigh through his nose, not yet satisfied. He continued biting harder than before, his eyes closed as he let out an animalistic growl. The realization that he could break your neck in half if he wanted sent a shiver through your spine. He sucked your blood with such thirst leaving you weak as you sobbed silently, drinking and swallowing it all as if he hadn't had a drop in weeks.

Before things grew any wilder, he pulled back, a string of blood and saliva still connecting the two of you. Panting for air, he tried to lick all the blood flowing from his mouth with his tongue, his breath hot against your face. Your blood flowed from your shoulder to your chest.

Satisfied with the mark he left on you, Shadow now went for your lips. Gripping your form, he forced his lips onto yours, connecting them. You hesitated, not wanting to taste the disgusting blend of your blood and his saliva. He pulled your hair once again, and when you whimpered in pain, he immediately seized the opportunity and engaged in a fierce kiss, taking your breath away.

Your heart raced as his hand wandered across your body in a manner both unnerving and inquisitive. He marked his territory, staking claim to every inch of your being. Your mind battled to comprehend the situation, as your body responded to his predatory touch.

Fighting the rising panic, you summoned your inner strength you managed to wrap your arms around his shoulders in a desperate attempt to distract him. As your lips collided in a feverish kiss, you hoped to manipulate the situation to your advantage.

To your surprise, he welcomed your advances. He tilted his head, letting out a low, carnal moan. Sensing that this could be your one chance to regain control, you decided to play along. You pushed aside your feelings of self-disgust and harnessed your newfound determination.

As you passionately kissed, your mind churned, searching for an escape plan. With each stolen moment, you became acutely aware of his animalistic nature, his primal desires, and his desperate need to assert dominance. Yet, instead of submitting to the imminent danger, an idea began to form in your mind.

[quitealotofsodapop]

Seeing Wukong having to give up MK is what ultimately broke Macaque of what little reservations that MK wasn't their son. This kid WAS Wukong's cub. Maybe not by birth, but he was Wukong's from the moment of his birth. He saw what led to Wukong giving the cub up. Saw how it pained him. And MK saw it too.

Learning he was a Stone Monkey and that the orange haired mother he had remembered had actually been Wukong had been shocking, but it wasn't as scary as he'd thought it'd be, not in Slow Boiled au at least. It actually explains a lot about how Wukong would act when they first started training together, a lot of the ways he'd act around Wukong, too. Monkey instincts of a cub looking after their pregnant parent. He'd already started thinking of Wukong as another parent, so learning they actually were connected only confirmed it in MK's mind. Even if he has the 'worst' step-dad ever (joking).

MK end up being the one to explain it to Pigsy. How he finally knew where he came from and why Pigsy had found him the way he had. At first Pigsy wants to rage at their stupid monkey for abandoning his child until he remembers the state the king had been in when they had first found him. How he had certainly jot been in any condition to care for himself much less a child. And learning from MK how, from what he could see of the memory, Monkey King had been very serious and careful with his decision to leave MK with Pigsy, how he had cried when he finally let his cub go to be with the reincarnation of his brother, how he had TRUSTED Pigsy even before they had met... well the pig started crying as well. He couldn't help but feel a bit of pride knowing how much the guy had trusted him and that he at least had the sense to make sure MK had a normal childhood.

They do need to have a talk about the event, mainly to figure out where they all stand now with this new information. That wukong had been a part of their family even before they had 'rescued' him during the DBK's first attack on the city.

Yesss. Apologies for how long this took to answer.

Ref.

Macaque had just completed his own big trauma realization that; he hadn't been a good mate or friend to Wukong during their last meeting under the Mountain + that Macaque really did realise a little too late that Wukong was with child + the realisation that Wukong mourned for him long after his death.

With the added context in S5 of MK really being a creation of Nüwa; its possible than when Xiangliu/Nine-Headed Demon woke MK up, hw had not realised that Wukong was nearby. Wukong came running as fast as he could towards the sounds of a baby monkey's crying.

In the Scroll of Memory; MK and Macaque watch as the memory of the Monkey King approaches the shattered Stone Egg on the ground - the very same Stone Egg that Subodhi showed MK. His eyes wide with both wonder and fear.

A pair of tiny dark furred hands reach out from the cracked stone. Reaching for it's mother.

The memory of Wukong scoops the baby stone monkey into his arms without question. Tears are running down his face as he's just so afraid and unsure how he can raise them as he is.

MK's mind comes to a screeching halt.

His "birth mother". The person in his earliest memory. The only evidence his mind had to a life before Pigsy.

His mother's hair was the same sunshine-gold as the Monkey King's fur.

Macaque notices the horrified look on MK's face, looking between him and the baby monkey in the memory. He makes the connection.

Macaque: "He's.. I guess you really are his cub." MK: "But I CAN'T be!! I'm just MK!" Macaque: "Maybe we'll see where the little guy goes if we keep going..."

And they travel further. Further and deeper into Wukong's memories of that little monkey.

How he gave him his first bath and grooming. How he nursed him against his chest. How he curled against him in the nest at night, and was afraid of falling asleep in case anything happened.

And how his physical and mental state deteriorated over the next two years.

Wukong is a proud and fearful person. He didn't want anyone to know about the new Stone Monkey. And therefore wouldn't seek help in raising them. Even his own dear Stalwarts only came upon the baby when their King was too exhausted to hide them.

The Stalwarts had argued, but ultimately agreed that the King needed to find someone who could raise the child, but also act as a protector against dark forces.

Marshal Ma mentions that her co-worker has an eerily familiar soul Wukong might recognise...

MK mutters "No no no no..." as he witnesses the memory of the pregnant Monkey King landing just outside a familiar neon-lit street. The orange monkey sniffing the air with a look of finality and guilt.

The baby squeals with confusion. Are they playing a game? Little hands smack at the rain-wetted mud of the ground.

Memory!Wukong: "Xiaotian. I'm afraid I we... won't be together for a while. I'm so so very scared that if I keep you, one of us will..." (*the memory winces, a hand caressing his swollen stomach as the baby continues to cling to it*) Memory!Wukong: "It's costing all of my power just to keep myself and your sister alive. In order for us to all be safe, I can't continue caring for you as I have been." Memory!BabyMonkey: (*confused warbling chirp?*) Memory!Wukong: "We'll meet again someday my Little Heaven. I will always be watching you." (*the memory of Wukong pulls the baby from his body and places them on the ground. His hands glow a golden light as the baby is glamoured into a human form*) Memory!BabyMK: (*chirp of fear!*) Memory!Wukong, drained and despaired: "I'm so sorry. Remember that your mother loves you." (*the Monkey King transforms into his bird form and flies off into the rainy sky, not daring to look back. The transformed baby reaches out to the sky, screeching.) Memory!???: "The heck is all that racket?" (*a stout pig demon lifts the curtain of his shop, seeing only a naked, muddy baby*) Memory!Pigsy: "Oh! So it's you... is you parent's around, kid?" Memory!BabyMK: (*looks around forlorn, sucking on their fingers*) Memory!Pigsy, removing his chef coat: "Gods above. Lets get you inside before you catch your death. Do you have a name? I can't call you Mystery Kid after all." (*He wraps the baby in his coat, bringing them inside the shop. The baby calms down in his arms, embracing the pig's plump body as he would his mother.*) Memory!Pigsy, looking defeated: "Gracious Buddha. I hope you get picked up soon. Or I'm gonna have a hard time giving you back."

In the Scroll, MK and Macaque do not miss the sight of how the Monkey King hid in the roofs above the shop; watching the first meeting closely.

And the many many vigils in the years afterwards.... MK meeting the reincarnation of his Master. His first ever bowl of noodles. His adoption. His first day of school, pre-k, kindergarten, primary, secondary, his driving test...

The words spoken to MK the "first" time he met the Monkey King finally make sense. And why the pregnant, pyjama-clad monkey had deftly avoided what he'd meant.

Memory!Wukong in "A Hero is Born": "Look, I'm gonna come clean. Um… I've been kinda watching you."

And he had. Just for far longer than MK had thought.

And MK had reunited with his "birth mother" that very day in Water Curtain Cave.

He needed to find Wukong right away so he can finally hug him again.

And immediately tell Pigsy and Tang too of course. They deserve to know who blessed them with their Little Heaven all those years ago.

Bonus sad thought: when MK refuses to sacrifice himself to stabilise the cycle, and he comes to in Wukong's arms. Memories rush back of his "birth mother". MK accidentally lets out a chirp of "Mama."

Wukong doesn't even hesitate to pull his elder cub closer. And neither does the rest of their family/troop.

[positivexcellence]

Jared Padalecki Reflects on His 24-Year TV Run (‘I’m Pretty Tired’) and What’s Not Next After Walker Ends

“I’m grateful. Like, I’m not digging ditches. I’m not doing Red Cross work and saving human beings. But yeah, I’m pretty tired,” Padalecki says, adding that he’s “a little disillusioned about the state of the industry that I’ve loved and been employed with for 24 years. So I have a lot of thinking to do, and I have a lot of time to be with my wife and our kids, my friends, and think about where this industry is.”

Below, Padalecki opens up about Walker’s cancellation and why he doesn’t see another long-running TV series in his future.

TVLINE | Obviously, Supernatural was on a lot longer than Walker, but you were an executive producer on Walker, and you seemed to really bond with not only the cast but also the character of Cordell. So how has this letting go experience compared to that of Supernatural for you? With my experience on Gilmore Girls and Supernatural, we found ourselves in a similar situation, like around Seasons 3 and/or 4, where we were on the bubble, or there was a network change, or the head of the network changed, or there was a strike, or et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. So we didn’t know if we’d make it, and in both cases, the network believed in us and let us go as long as we wanted, and now, they’re like two of the top 10 most watched shows on Netflix, worldwide, every year. So I kind of, stupid me, I was hoping and assuming the same might happen… I knew there was a chance. There’s always a chance that the show’s not going to go, but I was like, “Well, we’re still the most watched. We’re not expensive.��� So I didn’t know what to expect, and I haven’t yet had time to have closure with Walker.

With Supernatural, Jensen [Ackles] and I talked about it in our trailers on set for years, or during conventions in the green room, or at home, or flying together, or whatever, playing golf. We’d talk about it, and finally, Season 14, we kind of looked at each other, and we were like, “Hey, you know what, I think it’s time to go back to our families.” “Yeah, I think you’re right.” So we met with [CW President] Mark Pedowitz and said, like, “Hey, we’re going to do Season 15, but that’s it.” So we had a couple years, and we, ultimately, made the decision. I left Gilmore Girls to do Supernatural. Jensen and I decided to go ahead and let Supernatural end and give it a good send-off.

That was not the same situation with Walker, obviously. So I’m still kind of dealing with it, to be honest with you. I love the show. I’m so grateful for the four years that we had. I think back to during the pandemic, we were one of the first shows to go back to filming after COVID. We shot in October of 2020, and it was still masks and six feet away. There was just so much everybody went through: car accidents, and more COVIDs, and strep, and flu, and births, and deaths, and marriages, and divorces, and another strike, and this and that. So we had gone through so much together. We had weathered so many storms that I figured we had a lot more storms to weather. It’s not the way it worked out. But right now, I’m really focusing on how grateful I am, and will forever be, for the time I got to spend on Walker.

TVLINE | Given the circumstances, how do you feel about how the series ended and how the storylines were left off in the finale? To the credit of CW and CBS [Studios], when we shot the finale, when it was written, we didn’t know whether or not we were going to go for a fifth or further season, and they did not push us to try and wrap things up in a tidy little bow, which would’ve been really bad storytelling and a really bad episode. They kind of said, “Write the best episode you can. We don’t know if it’s going to go five years, or 10 years, or 30 years, or four years. So make it the best you can.” We knew, and [showrunner] Anna [Fricke] knew, and Blythe Ann Johnson knew — they wrote the finale together — that it was possible [it would end]. So when I think back on the finale, I think whether it was the end of Season 4 or the end of Season 104, I would’ve wanted all the characters to have a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel, something to look forward to. And so, all the characters get a send-off and a salute of sorts, but it feels like a proper episode of television. It doesn’t feel like, “Oh, they are in a diner, and let’s just turn the cameras off.” But again, it’s so difficult to end. When you fall in love with a character, or several characters, or a story, for 69 episodes, like how do you end it?

So I’m grateful that we were able to create the best episode that we could without any incumbrances of like, “You better make sure everybody dies, or everybody gets a new job,” or something. Because how could you possibly end the story of all the Walkers and all their friends and been like, “Oh, yup, cool, don’t need to see them anymore”? Like, no matter how it ended, I would’ve wanted to see more of them, and so I’m very proud of the episode.

TVLINE | You went from Gilmore Girls straight to 15 seasons of Supernatural to Walker. Are you exhausted yet? I was exhausted 20 years ago. [Laughs] I am. I am exhausted. When I found out that Walker was not going to go for a fifth season, that was on a Tuesday, and I left for Europe on a Friday, part work, part fun. But I was in Europe for like three and a half weeks with family and a little bit of work, a lot of travel. So I’ve only been in the United States four days in the last month, and so, I haven’t really had time to fully grasp it. But yes, I’m tired. I’m tired. I’m grateful. Like, I’m not digging ditches. I’m not doing Red Cross work and saving human beings. But yeah, I’m pretty tired. I’m a little disillusioned about the state of the industry that I’ve loved and been employed with for 24 years. So I have a lot of thinking to do, and I have a lot of time to be with my wife and our kids, my friends, and think about where this industry is.

I haven’t had time to really reassess my life. I got into this industry when I was 17 years old on Gilmore Girls, and I, at the time, had my school schedule for UT Austin, and so, I thought I was going to do a couple episodes and go back to UT and pay off some student loans or something. That was 24 years ago, so I haven’t really had the time. And even during the writers’ strike in ’08, we were just waiting for it to end to go back and shoot Supernatural. The pandemic in 2020, I was just waiting for it to end, so I could go finish Supernatural and start Walker. The writers’ strike last year, just waiting for it to end, so we could pick up Walker.

I was in Europe for a while, and people would come up and take a picture and get an autograph or whatever and [ask], “So what’s next?” and for the first time in my entire life, I was like, “I don’t know.” “Oh, well, surely you have stuff. What’s next?” I was like, “Well, I don’t know.” They’re like, “Oh, you can’t tell us.” “No, no. It’s not I can’t tell you. I don’t have a job waiting for me,” which I’ve never said that in my adult life. So it’s interesting, and I’m going to surround myself with family and friends and loved ones, and try and figure out if I have anything else to offer that people want, and if I can be of service in storytelling, somehow, some way, then I guess I’ll put my proverbial cowboy hat back on and saddle up.

TVLINE | When you’re ready, though, do you imagine that you will want to do another TV series? I don’t think so. I don’t mind long TV, but I’ve heard it said many times, and I agree, that hour-long episodic television is the hardest job in the industry. If you’re Elijah Wood in Lord of the Rings, and it’s three three-hour long movies or whatever, it’s still like 18 months, you know? There’s an end in sight. With TV shows, sometimes it lasts 15 years, and sometimes they say, “Hey, where do you live? OK, we’re shooting in Vancouver.” You say, “But my family, my wife and kids are in Austin.” Like, “Well, good for them. They can come move up here. Here’s a thousand bucks to fly them out.” It’s not for the weak-spirited. Like, you really have to sacrifice a lot, and I’ve sacrificed everything I have to sacrifice for many, many years, and I think I’m at a point in my life where I want to spend more time with my wife and kids. If a job on a TV show comes up, like I’ve talked to Kripke about The Boys stuff, like, “Yeah, I’ll come play with you for a month. Yeah, I’ll come play with you for two months, for six weeks, or whatever,” or, “Yeah, I’ll come pop in a week out of every month for the next three months.”

But a classic TV contract is a six-year contract. My oldest son is 12, my middle son is 10, my daughter is seven. So if I sign a six-year contract, and they’re filming in Alaska, then I miss my son getting a driver’s license, I miss him graduating high school, I miss his first girlfriend or boyfriend, his first heartbreak, his basketball games, I miss my other son’s driving test, I miss my daughter turning into a teenager, and then I’m leaving [my wife] Gen, too. It’s a big commitment. So I don’t foresee myself doing that unless, again, it was in Austin, and I was the executive producer that could be involved in knowing the show and making sure the cast and crew all did it in as efficient a way as possible.

TV LINE

[jkoo-njoo]

college crush - 5

summary: college au I when the frontier between a crush and an obsession blurs, how can you draw the line?

pairing: shy n clingy bf! jk × black fem! reader

genre: fluff, soft yandere | headcanons

word count: 4,300. on going story

warnings: physical violence ideation (Jungkook wants to slit someone’s throat), light mention of homophobia, description of comp-het, description of sexual violence because of acephobia (y/n is spiraling)

author's note: hi lovelies, it’s been a year since the last update, can you believe it ? I keep saying that there is only one last chapter left, but then I keep having more ideas and the story keeps expending ; so I’ll just stop saying that. ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა This chapter is a bit spicier than all the other ones, Jungkook is getting closer to his goal ! But is it really going to be as easy as he thinks it’ll be ? I truly hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it my loves. As always, I love reading your comments and I hope you know that it really hypes me up to beat writer’s block and finish this story ૮꒰ྀི∩´ ᵕ `∩꒱ྀིა

previous | next / masterlist

5/ Wanting to fly the nest as far as he could, the bird aims for the sun, like Icarus, daring to rise to its death

— The bird, that just learned how to fly, soars with all his might

Its been two weeks now since you both started texting each other

At the beginning he was so nervous just thinking about directly speaking with you

He would overthink every single text he sent you for 20 minutes straight minimum

But the conversation started to flow very easily and chemistry began to develop between the two of you

It grew so much that you’ve been exchanging messages every single day with no fail, talking about any and every thing

On top of that, jungkook continued to send you gifts and come to your place while you’re not there

It added a special taste to know that whenever he would send you anything or clean your place or fill up your fridge

You would text him a few hours later to express gratitude and contentment

It filled his heart with pure joy and love for you even more now that he had your approval in real time

He didn’t need to constantly check your bins anymore

Jungkook felt his heartbeat rush and adrenaline spike up every single time you’d send him a message

It was truly heaven on earth

Now, for you… things were a bit different.

Sure, there was a cool situationship in the making

But it just wasn’t enough. you knew you needed more

You couldn’t just fall in love with a concept

You needed to put a face to it.

You decided to get bold today and proposed to arrange a date with your secret admirer

Yes this was a careless and rushed decision, whatever

But you were tired of playing it safe and decided to take matters into your own hands

Since your secret admirer wasn’t gonna be the one to do so

When jungkook received your advance he couldn’t believe his eyes and literally fell to his knees in the middle of the library

His ultimate crush was asking him out.

Asking him, out.

He knows that he’s been making a lot of efforts by talking directly to you everyday

(Even repeating that sentence in his head was making him feel dizzy)

But he couldn’t bring himself to actually reveal his whole identity to you just yet

So, he declines your offer by honestly revealing that he does not feel ready to face you at the moment

He wanted to pretend to be very sick and not wanting to contaminate you

But he absolutely loathed himself for even thinking about lying to you and betraying your trust in him

He still feels like shit because of his cowardliness

But he knows this is for the greater good of your relationship

Now, don’t get him wrong : he’s not near giving up.

The rest of his plan is waiting for the photography class partner project to unfold

But the thing is, their refusal disheartened you a bit

You thought everything was going so well between you ?

Why do they chicken out all of a sudden when it’s time to make things concrete between you ?

Are they very shy ?

Are they very ugly ?

Or are they an actual creepy serial killer that is not supposed to be on this campus ?

You tried to reassure them by stating that you’re sure that they’re a total hottie

And that there’s no reason for them to be shy with you anymore

However, your excitement started to wear off a bit, unbeknownst to Jungkook.

— The bird, finally resting for the first time in a while, inopportunely falls from a breaking branch

The following week on a tuesday, it finally arrives

The group project in photography class. the most crucial event for the rest of The Plan ™️

He tried hard to make a good first impression with his outfit

He wore a hoodie in your favorite color, slim jeans to reveal his thighs (because he overheard you talking about liking strong legs in guys) and black boots to appear more “hard” & “cool” (that’s also your type it seems)

You were wearing a very pretty light dress with some oversized pants and an oversized jacket to top it all

You were so outstandingly beautiful and cool, he just couldn’t compete with you even if he tried

The professor came in at the same time as you (you made it in time today he notes) and started the class directly by talking about the group project

But instead of a duo, like he imagined, the project will be in a quatuor with 2 boys and 2 girls

AND he already made the groups so no one could choose

The room audibly moaned and complained while he remained silent but his blood was boiling

He could not be more confused, angry and disappointed.

While the professor was calling the members of every groups out loud, he prayed to all the Gods and angels listening to please let him be with you

Even if there will be others he absolutely needed to be by your side.

He couldn’t bear leaving you all alone with two random men and no one to protect you

It seems one of the holy spirits heard his desperate pleading and answered immediately

Because the professor called his name right after yours

He doesn’t have the time to digest what just happened because the professor is already rushing everyone to gather in groups and introduce themselves

While everyone rearrange the tables and sit again, he succeeds in sitting in front of you

But he can hardly handle to look into your eyes from this close without fainting

This is the nearest he has ever been to you in real life and it truly feels like a dream come true

He can actually admire you from up close… he can smell you… he can almost touch your hand if he tries… and he wasn’t hiding from you anymore

It felt so right and natural to be in your space and bask in your presence

He was fully floating on a cloud focusing on nothing else but you and your voice

The rest of the class goes pretty smoothly with everyone introducing themselves and giving their inquiry about the project

Though he sat there in silence the entire time

While the only thing he mustered up enough courage to say was :

“Hi, my name is Jungkook. Nice to meet you all”

He was way too shy at the idea of talking to you viva voce in this context

He could try talking with you one-on-one if the project was a duo, like he planned.

But with two other strangers nearby watching and judging ?

Hell no, that was just too much all at once

Nevertheless, he does not regret witnessing you being the absolute brightest star right in front of him, even in silence

You were so full of life, energy and motivation for this project that it was actually hyping him up

Even though he really didn’t give a fuck about it in the first place

But it seems he wasn’t the only person entranced by you

Because why was this other guy clearly trying to flirt with you right in front of everyone ?

Thankfully it seems like you’ve got no clue and you’re not playing into his games at all

But Jungkook has to deal with him.

He wanted to just slit his throat so bad right then and there, without any hesitation.

But he knows he cannot show this side of himself to you just yet, and definitely not in the middle of this class

He’s gonna get rid of him definitely without scaring you off

No other boy has the right to have access to you other than him

You were his soulmate and his only.

He promised to himself to make this punk get it as soon as possible

At the end of the hour, this fucker has the audacity to ask for your number, and only yours

“it’s to talk about the project more in depth, you know !”

The holy spirits truly were by his sides today, because you suggested to have a group chat instead

“it’s to make the conversation about the project more efficient, you know !”

Everyone gives you their number and you create the groupchat right away before you all part ways

The walk home from this session at the photography class was the worst one he’s had in a while

He couldn’t even bask in the feelings of pure joy, love and excitement he has felt by being this close to you

He even gave you his real number for you to text the real him !

That was supposed to be one of the best moments of his life, right before :

your first kiss,

your marriage,

and your first child together.

But instead, he simply felt like absolute shit for witnessing a man blatantly flirting with his promised partner right in front of his face

And not doing anything to stop it and protect you.

He knows he can always count on you to preserve yourself for him and him only

But it certainly won’t last long if he doesn’t do anything

He feels really powerless and he does not like it one bit

He has to reverse the situation to promptly get rid of this parasite and secure his place in your heart

— The heavily weakened bird serendipitously finds some food on the ground

The thing is, he was so focused on his feelings for you and that other douchebag that he did not even notice everything else that happened outside of that

Like the fact that the other girl of the group was clearly trying to hit on him too

but he was so oblivious he only responded to her with vague hmms indicating yes or no

Or the fact that his charm and his silence intrigued you the most and you definitely wanted to spend more time with him to break his shell

Like, he was seriously one of the most beautiful boy you’ve ever seen.

The way his long hair and square glasses perfectly framed his angelic face

The way he was not able to say a single word during the entire hour

And the way he blushed + looked away shyly any time anyone glanced for a little too long at him……

His cuteness already caught your eye before but this meeting solidified your crush for him even more

He was effortlessly checking every box of your ideal type one by one, it was not even funny

So much so that you started to wonder if it was worth entertaining a situationship with a potentially dangerous secret admirer

That is not even bold enough to show their face despite claiming to be deeply in love with you

Rather than shooting your shot with the cute nerdy guy from photography class

That is a very real person within reach, even if there is no certitude that he’s interested in you in the slightest

It was starting to hurt your head to think this much about all this

so you decided to open up to your secret admirer

Hoping to wake them up, for good.

After closing the door to his room, Jungkook received a very lengthy message from you where you disclosed all your doubts about him and your relationship

That’s when he truly lost it and started to sob uncontrollably

He realized that he was seriously on the verge of actually losing you for good

After all the hard work he has done to get to this point

He was inconsolable and cried in a ball on the ground for a good ten minutes

After calming down a bit, he realized that you were giving him the opportunity to officially deepen the connection between you

This was his last chance to truly secure his way to your heart, and you were the one giving it to him

He simply did not deserve the pure kindness of your soul and you still gave it to him

He made the very important decision on the spot to bend The Plan™️

You wanted to know more of his identity ? so be it.

He answered :

“My sweetest love. Thank you for trusting me and pushing for me to still be in your life after I’ve been such a coward. I do not deserve your grace, but I will prove to you by all means that my love for you is infaillible. From now on, you will receive pictures from me about myself and my daily life, and even audios of me directly reading my poems to you, if you feel comfortable with that. I will do my best to get you to know me on a more personal level, so you can realize that I am the perfect pretender to be your lifelong partner and that we are meant to be together forever. But know that at the moment, I still can’t reveal my whole identity to you, whether it be my face or my name, because of personal reasons you will soon understand. Please tell me if this satisfies your needs for now, and I will begin immediately.”

He knew he would have to push through a lot of boundaries within himself to uphold these promises

But he was willing to do absolutely anything for you, your love and your happiness

And to be by your sides

When you received their answer, you got reminded why you loved talking to your secret admirer so much

They were so dramatic sometimes, it was really funny and relieved your stress more often than not

You couldn’t do anything but accept their request without a second thought when it was presented in such a classy and solemn way

It was not exactly what you asked for, but you respected their decision and noted their efforts to try and meet your request still

You did not really pay more attention to it and move on with your life

Until you almost choked to death on your tea 10 minutes later

Since they said that they will not be showing their face, you thought they would exclusively send you innocent pictures of their daily life and stuff

How naive of you to think that.

After opening your phone notification you couldn’t help but stare at your screen, eyes wide open, with your eyebrows touching the ceiling

Instead of a candid still of some food on a plate like you expected

You were met with the mirror picture of a literal greek god with a full sleeve of tattoos, right out of the shower, wearing nothing but a towel on their head and another one hanging low on their waist

They followed up on the pic with the wittiest text you’ve ever read from them

“You’re such a lucky princess because I just started my night routine. I’ve been itching to send you pictures like these for so long but I had to make sure the timing was right. I cannot wait to include you in my daily life. Do you want me to do a tour of all the skin care products I use to take care of the body you’re looking at ?”

“Oh, and my pronouns are he/him by the way ;)”

There is no way he’s not fucking with you right now. Absolutely no way.

You’ve been gawking at your phone with your mouth agape for so long, you did not notice the trail of saliva connecting your lips to your thighs.

He even has the time to send you another message apologizing if he made you uncomfortable with his naked body and promising to never cross your boundaries ever again

And that from now on he’ll only send you pictures of him fully clothed, even if it might compromise his anonymity

You collect yourself just enough to send :

“Please send me a real picture of yourself. I cannot believe you’re trying to catfish me after we’ve been talking together for so long.”

It was a bit harsh you admit, but you had to make sure that this wasn’t just some enormous prank

And that you’ve been made fun of this entire time

At first, he got hurt that you actually thought that he was a catfish and that he couldn’t possibly be this good looking

But he remembered that he was still an anonymous stalker in your eyes and that you were a very intelligent woman

It was totally understandable that you’d still be on your guard

Jungkook simply answers back :

“I would absolutely never play in your face and break your trust like that my love. You can make a reverse search on this picture. I took it right now and you’re the only person besides me that has ever laid eyes on it on this earth. All of this is reserved just for you.”

You do as he told and… you simply can’t believe it.

He is right : the picture is nowhere to be found on the internet

That’s when it really kicked in

You actually bagged the literal finest man in campus without doing anything

And he is the one that’s absolutely obsessed with you ??

He is the one who spoils you and showers you with love at any occasion without any inquiry on you part ??

You must have saved the entire human civilization in another life, because there was simply no way in hell this was real

You had to apologize. You were truly not familiar with his game.

You answer back :

“Look, I’m sorry to have doubted you but you’ve always been anonymous this entire time and we haven’t really gotten to know each other on a deeper level just yet. You know what ? You can send me all the pictures you’d like, but no dick pic please, I’m truly not into that.”

“Thank you again for accepting to reveal more of yourself to me, I’m really enjoying this ! You look very good…”

When he finished reading your message he was smiling from ear to ear

Oh, he knew he won.

— Against all odds, the bird perks up and flaps his wings again

Following this event, you started sending pictures of each other on the regular

You were sending him selfies mostly, not comfortable enough to reveal your body like he does

Jungkook did not mind one bit

He worshipped every single picture you sent to him regardless, going as far as printing and framing them all

His room was starting to fill up with all the pictures of you that you sent him, along side the stolen cliches he took of you

He was literally living his dream life.

He couldn’t believe how far he’d gone in the pursuit of his love, and how far it led him

On the flip side, you were absolutely flabbergasted.

He was sending you very cute pictures of his daily life like him cooking, gaming, painting and all that

But when it came to the pictures of himself…

He was always half naked or wearing very tight fitting clothes like a tank top and a sport crewneck

He explained that he couldn’t send you pictures of him wearing his daily clothes because he didn’t want you to recognize him in the street

That was only half of the truth tho

He also wanted to impress you with the work he’s been putting in the gym during all this time, just for you

But he truly hoped that you didn’t see him as some sort of fuckboy only interested in having sex with you

Showing you his body was just another way to draw you in. Like the final nail in the coffin

In his opinion, he made enough efforts these past few months to give you a glimpse of the overflowing feelings he had for you

He is absolutely head over heels for you but not in a carnal way if that made sense

And he knows very well that you’re not into that either

He has had crushes and stuff but he used to be a complete loser so no one would give him even a crumb of attention

Of course he very occasionally had some peaks of libido and he always took care of his needs by himself

But he quickly realized that he has honestly never felt sexual attention to anyone

When he compared his experience to the way other boys around him where going crazy about sex in his teenage years…

It was alienating to say the least.

He clearly remembers an instance when he tried talking about it to one of his friends at the time

And they bluntly answered :

“You don’t feel attracted to girls ? Are you gay or something ?”

Yes, he later discovered that he was indeed bi, but that was besides the point

The only thing he wanted more than anything was to develop the deepest and closest platonic & romantic relationship he could with anyone

And have them by his side as a friend and a lover, forever

He could not bring himself to perform as a person he was not just to uphold the expectations about what it meant to be a man

It felt like deep betrayal toward himself and the perfect recipe to be miserable forever in order to have company and be accepted by society

He always thought he was weird and doomed to be alone

Until you came into his life and outwardly expressed your need to have someone exactly like him into your life

You were literally the bright and warm light guiding him out of the dark and cold tunnel of loneliness

A dream of his that was once too good to be true

Was now a reality within reach

He could finally let hope fill his heart to the brim, like he always wanted to.

— the bird keeps gliding, with hope being the sole compass of his unpredictable voyage

The thing is, his plan was working on you

You really enjoyed the glimpses into his life and the occasional thirst traps

It kind of felt like texting a very sweet OF model

So you didn’t know why you still felt somewhat… empty

Like, he did answer your request to see more of him.

Of course it’s reassuring and rewarding to know that your secret admirer (and obsessive stalker) is literally eye candy

But you started to get scared about his true intentions

You knew he loved you for you

At least that’s what the countless love letters, acts of services and gifts he was constantly showering you with lead you to believe

And he has never been sexually suggestive in any way

But you still held back in your feelings in some way

You’ve always craved a special type of romantic connection to someone that was rooted in nothing but pure feelings of love and trust, not lust

And he was clearly giving that to you, at the moment

But.. he’s a drop dead gorgeous college boy in his early twenties

He statistically could not possibly be on the same page as you.

What will happen when he’ll start wanting more from you and you’re not gonna be able to give it to him ?

What will happen when on your first night together he’ll try to make a move on you and you’ll have to reject him ?

What will happen when you’ll be forced to open up about your lack of sexual attraction ?

Will he abandon you on the spot, like all these other guys ?

Or is he too far gone in his obsession with you, that he won’t be able to accept your rejection and his knee jerk reaction will be to be outright violent with you ?

Or worse : what if he’ll pretend to understand that “you need time” to get comfortable with him

Only to try to coerce his way into making you do something you simply don’t want to do ?

You want to enjoy this with him as much as possible, you really do

But these thoughts have always plagued your mind

And you had to share them with him to make sure that he stops getting attached to you before it’s too late.

You just couldn’t let hope fill your heart to the brim, even if you wanted to.

[canary-curse-57]

At long last, I would like to present you all with a 2000+ word ramble about

WHY I THINK JIMMY SOLIDARITYGAMING COULD WIN THE LIFE SERIES

This WILL be long, this WILL be rambling, and I WON’T always get info correct, but I’m very passionate about the fact that Jimmy really is a good player, but happens to be an even better content creator (I’ll explain what I mean by this later!)

To start, I will analyze every death of his (although I will be excluding many from Limited Life for time reasons) because I believe that most of them can be categorized as some mix of Bad Luck, Accident, and/or Silly Decision. Then, in a different section, I’ll focus mainly on the Silly Decision deaths/explain why I don’t think he will win even if he could! I’ll also add in a TLDR section at the very end to try and summarize the big points I made. Anyways, let’s get into it!

3RD LIFE:

First death - Dare To Flare - Silly Decision

Ah, Jimmy’s first death. This is one of the Silliest Decisions of all, but it also demonstrates a characteristic of Jimmy’s playstyle that we see very frequently throughout the rest of the series: when presented with a high-risk high-reward situation, he almost always attempts the situation, even if the chance of success is negligible. There was never really that much of a chance to win Dare To Flare without cheating, and others had already died trying, but he still gave it a shot!

Second death - TNT Minecart - Accident/Silly Decision (I can't find yellow so I guess orange will do,,)

Our first multi-category death! To me, this one ultimately feels more like an accident than anything else, due to Jimmy not knowing how exactly TNT minecarts worked at the time, but I also have to qualify it as partly a silly decision because Scott did tell him not to touch it. 

Final death - Arrow - Bad Luck

This is honestly one of the more unlucky deaths for Jimmy across the whole entire life series! Ultimately, being unable to get down the ladder properly is what did him in, and I honestly believe that Jimmy might’ve been able to avoid dying first had he just not gotten unlucky with the timing of the shot/getting down the ladder. Oh, how different things could’ve possibly been,,,,

LAST LIFE:

Before I analyze the deaths for this series, I want to talk about why, to me, this is Jimmy’s best season ever in terms of results!! He was one of 5 people to start the season off with 2 lives, but unlike three of the others, he never gained another life (shoutout Ren, the other one who never gained another life!! I think this was his best season so far too!!!). Sure, he tried stealing one from Martyn, but he didn’t get to keep that one! Every other person (again, except for Ren!) that started yellow died more than 2 times over the course of the series, but not Jimmy!!! He also didn’t have his 1st death until the 6th session!! 13 other players had already died at least once before he did!! He also went to risky places where other people died (the Nether/a bastion where Mumbo died!!) and survived!! So while he had two rough deaths in back to back sessions and still went out first, this still remains his best season in my eyes, and it also is a great representation of the fact that he’s still a good Minecraft player!! He can survive really well when he minimizes Silly Decisions/doesn’t have to deal with bad luck, but minimizing Silly Decisions won’t be a frequent thing for him (more on that later) which is why I think that he could win but probably won’t. 

First death - Explosion - Accident/Bad Luck

While digging the dirt that set off the trap could add a Silly Decision category to this, I won’t be adding it because really, who would expect a random piece of dirt blocking an entrance to be trapped? (Not me, that’s for sure - I probably would’ve done the same thing) Honestly though, I feel like if this was a different type of death, Jimmy might not have gone out first. The explosion absolutely obliterating all of his stuff makes life much more difficult, and definitely impacted his season ending when it did. 

Final death - Fall/Grian - Silly Decision/Accident

The main reason that I categorize this one as a Silly Decision is because technically, Jimmy started it. Out of everyone on the server, Grian feels like the most likely to retaliate against a red, even if all they did was punch him, so it definitely wasn’t a good idea to instigate here. I also qualify it as an Accident because he says it (specifically falling off the edge of the building) was (*insert clip from Evil Anvil song here*). 

DOUBLE LIFE:

Before I start this section, I have something devastating to admit; I’ve never actually watched Double Life (I know, I know!! I’ve been meaning to for so long but just haven’t gotten around to it,,,,) I did go in and watch his deaths, so I at least know how they went down, but everything I know about the rest of this season is from the fandom.

First death - Soulmate - UNCATEGORIZABLE

Now, I know you could technically qualify this as a Bad Luck death, but I really really don’t think it fits at all!! Essentially every person in Double Life died because their soulmate died at some point, so saying that Jimmy just happened to have the Bad Luck to be paired with Tango doesn’t feel right. This death was totally and completely out of his hands, so it becomes the only one to truly not fit into any category. 

Second death - Falling/Hit By Arrow - Silly Decision/Bad Luck

Genuinely how did that arrow manage to hit Jimmy?? Bad Luck for him for sure, but ultimately standing as far over the edge as he was when people are firing up at you is a biiit of a Silly Decision. There’s also even more Bad Luck factored in when it comes to the timing of the whole thing - him and Tango just happened to be enchanting with Scar and Grian when the whole server decided to go after them! Jimmy wasn’t really even the main target here!

Final death - Enderman - Accident/Bad Luck

Ah yes, the Enderman death. I know I’ve said this multiple times already (and I’m sure I’ll say it many more), but this has gotta be one of Jimmy’s most unlucky deaths ever. With the combination of being low on food (so he can’t heal), the shield being about to break, and the tree he hides under not properly blocking the enderman, this was a recipe for disaster from the moment he accidentally looked into its eyes. Definitely a death that’s almost impossible to avoid.

LIMITED LIFE:

While I won’t be going through each and every death Jimmy had during this season (since Oh Boy there were a lot more than 3), I’ll focus on 3 that I want to point to that feel very very important to me!

Digging straight down with Joel - Silly Decision (Doing It For The Bit)

What’s this? A subcategory? Well yes, yes it is! This is a subcategory that we really only see in Limited Life, since people could die much more in that series due to the mechanic. So while this was still a Silly Decision, it was one made for fun and for The Bit! I’ll go into more depth as to why later, but this death is the ultimate example of why Jimmy probably won’t ever actually win a Life Series; he is in it 1000% for the fun!

Falling into trap because Grian pushed a button - Accident/Bad Luck

This is one of those deaths that is just so unlucky for Jimmy! Of course Grian didn’t mean to kill him, making it an Accident, but it really just feels like such Bad Luck overall! He honestly had a lot of these deaths the closer he got to the end of Limited Life; another one that comes to mind is the pufferfish death that happened while he was leaving the Nosy Neighbors’ base. These types of deaths are unfortunately completely unavoidable because they are almost completely unpredictable.

Final death - Falling - Accident/Bad Luck

This death is clearly an Accident, but it’s also an example of Bad Luck because of the placement of the minecart/the fact that he was shifting but seemingly un-shifted at the last second. Really though, this death feels like the world just making sure he died, since he should’ve been out with Etho’s boogie kill. 

SECRET LIFE:

First death - Drowned/Trident - Bad Luck

I’ll be honest, I had to go back and watch this death- but it really was another case of Jimmy just having the worst luck with this game! His health was already SO low (and sure, I could technically qualify this one as a Silly Decision in terms of him deciding to go outside when it was dark out while being so low on hearts, but it doesn’t feel quite right for some reason), & to have a trident drowned just decide to spawn in that area is awful luck! 

Second death - Ender Dragon - Bad Luck/Silly Decision

Ah, the Ender Dragon death. Yet another example of a high-risk potentially-high-reward situation that Jimmy went into despite a low chance of success,,, personally I think that if he avoided the End, his second death would’ve come much later & his chances of making it even longer would’ve increased drastically. 

Final death - Warden - Silly Decision/Bad Luck

While this death definitely has Bad Luck as a secondary factor, Silly Decision is the main one here by a MILE. Deciding to help fight/stay in the area of a Warden and a Wither while being a red life with just over one row of hearts remaining?? One of the Silliest Decisions of all! Anyways, this death also has a Bad Luck component to it because of the Warden deciding to focus on him instead of Mumbo even though they were both really close to it & also with some of the long distance shots from the Warden actually hitting.  

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now, I know that was a lot of rambling, but there’s a really big thing about these deaths that made me want to categorize them; very few of them have anything to do with pvp fighting! Most of them are environmental deaths (deaths to mobs/fall damage) or deaths indirectly caused by another player (traps that Jimmy himself had to trigger) instead of ones directly caused by a player!

Of course, every player in the life series has had environmental/indirectly caused deaths, but the winners/the people who place really high? They have more deaths directly caused by a player than anything else!

Take someone like Impulse, who consistently has a very high placement in the life series, but hasn’t won one (yet!!). A vast amount of his deaths are kills directly caused by other players! Same for most of the winners!! (Scar is the outlier here, although he only died due to direct kills by other players in the season he won, sooooo)

So, here’s what I’m getting at: if Jimmy can cut down on his environmental deaths, and avoid triggering traps/aggravating other players, I think he could survive much longer than he has so far! He would go from someone who dies without others needing to have much of an input, to someone that people would have to intentionally try to kill because he’s one of the final greens/yellows! We already know from Last Life that he can go a TON of episodes without dying, so if we combine that ability with more than two starting lives, then I think we have a recipe for a potential winner on our hands!!

However. Despite my belief that Jimmy is a much better player than anyone gives him credit for, I also don’t think that he will win a life series. And this is gonna get a little over-analyze-y, but I think that he won’t win because of who he is as a person and as a content creator.

He’s always willing to take risks for friends, do something for the bit (as seen by his lava death with Joel in Limited Life), and generally put himself in risky situations. He knows what makes a good video, but he also just genuinely is having fun with his friends! I think Jimmy could win a life series if he took it really really seriously, and put a ton of time and focus into staying alive and making it far, but I’m not sure that would be very fun for him. He seems like the kind of person who is just in it for a good time. And I’m not saying that he doesn’t want to win, or doesn’t take the series seriously at all - I think he definitely does, based on his reaction to his final death at the end of Double Life & Limited Life - but he’s not gonna go out of his way to win or do the ‘smart thing’ when he can just keep enjoying the series. 

(Eugh, that felt a little too personality-analyzing/parasocial and weird for me, but I do think it’s true.)

ANYWAYS, that’s about it! 

So TLDR: Lots of Jimmy’s deaths aren’t directly caused by players, and if he can avoid those types of deaths, he could survive long enough to have a real shot at winning! He also is much better at being able to survive a long time than we give him credit for, as we see in Last Life. However, while he still takes the life series seriously, he’s ultimately in it for the fun, making it less likely that he pulls off a win. 

Thanks so much for reading, and feel free to ask questions/share your own thoughts!!

[miukki960]

Okay, so I just finished Love for Love's Sake and..... I have so many thoughts. I could wax poetic for hours about how much I loved the show, but right now what I really want to talk about is my theory on the ending and the whole concept of the "game."

Please bare with me as I don't make posts like this (or any at all for that matter) often. Please forgive me if it's incoherent, my thoughts tend to run faster than my fingers can type lol.

Here we go!

First, who is the author sunbae? I think he's the embodiment of death. When Myungha wished on the shooting star for 1. Someone to care for him and love him and 2. To disappear,he was wearing what I'm pretty sure is the same outfit as when we first see him in the bar back in episode 1. This leads me to believe Death heard his wish, so when Myungha decides to end his life and regrets his decision in the last moment, Death decides to give him a chance to change his fate.

So he creates the "game" based on a novel he supposedly wrote. I believe this is a false memory he gives to Myungha so he will willingly play the game and try to change his fate. Which leads me to my second point...

Myungha is the author. The show did a very good job at keeping this subtle at the beginning. We as an audience are led to believe he is simply transported into the videogmae world and is at the mercy of the dating sim, but they show us multiple times that that's not the case.

Once, when Myungha mentions that the missions are written in his handwriting, a second time when we get a flashback of him actually writing these missions in a notebook at the bar, and a final time when we see him pen the shows Ultimate Mission using the Author's Pen, "Please make Cha Yeowoon Happy."

I started to get the idea that Myungha was the author back in the first few episodes when we started to see the side missions. Every mission he got screamed to me "this mission is actually for you, not Yeowoon." What was the first thing he did when he was supposed to get Yeowoon more friends? He befriended Kyunghoon himself. Save 3,000,000 won? For himself. Get Yeowoon followers? Using HIS Instagram. Which leads to point number three....

The game Myungha is sent to is actually a reenactment of his senior year of high school. All the characters he meets are actual people in his earlier life, his grandma, Kyunghoon, Sangwon. But in his original "playthrough" he didn't bother to befriend or interact with them, so they went about their lives unaffected, and he forgot they existed. I say all this with the exception of Cha Yeowoon.

Cha Yeowoon is a mirrored reflection of Myungha created by Death and inserted into the game. Myungha said himself at the beginning that Yeowoon was his favorite character because he reminds him of himself. Later on, we learn that their backgrounds are almost identical too. Yeowoon lost his mother, has an absent runaway father, and was raised by his grandmother. Myungha has a dead father, absent runaway mother, and is being raised by his grandmother. So at the beginning when Death asks Myungha if he will change Yeowoon's fate and rewrite his story, he's really talking about Myungha.

Adding to this, I also noticed something rather spectacular narratively in the second half of the show. The whole show, we watched Myungha try and (mostly) succeed at making Yeowoon happy. But suddenly I realized, as we watched him get happier and happier, Myungha was falling deeper and deeper into a sadness rivaling how we saw Yeowoon in the beginning. We stopped seeing the calculations of Yeowoon's affection level, and instead saw error messages and system malfunctions, representing Myungha's emotional state.

Which begs the ultimate question on everyone's minds to be answered. If the whole point of sending Myungha back to his 19yo self and giving him Yeowoon was to get him to love himself and be happy, why were the system malfunctions so devastatingly awful and cruel? Answer: because Myungha is the author, and he's depressed and self-destructive.

He begins to feel happy with the changes he's made, he sees Yeowoon happier and he feels like he's succeeding, yet the countdown message to his death still appears. It's ominous and impending and a constant reminder that he's failing. So as the author, he tries to revert back to factory settings by getting rid of the major changes to his life, Yeowoon and his grandmother. The two people who love him most, and the two people he thinks he deserves the least.

Sangwon said it the best. Myungha's main issue is that he refuses to receive love, both from others and himself. Which is why he fails the game and dies a second time. He followed the missions for Yeowoon and refused to let them break down his own walls like they were ment to.

But Death does see the change in him through Yeowoon. Being Myungha's mirror, Yeowoon represents the change that was supposed to happen to Myungha. So when Myungha (the him he hates) deletes himself in order to make Yeowoon (the him he loves) happy ("please make Cha Yeowoon happy"), Yeowoon is able to go full-meta, breaking through the game and rewriting the mission to "Please make Tae Myungha happy."

Thus saving Myungha and allowing him a third chance at a happy life, where he receives just as much love as he gives.

Don't ask me about the "he comes back disjointed from Yeowoon's timeline" thing bc I don't understand it narratively but it sure does make for a visually pleasing ending.

[sideprince]

A movie question I wanted to throw your way: what do you think about the decision to use a decent amount of physical acting on Rickman’s part for comic effect? I’m thinking his snatch of thin air in Philosopher's Stone, his creeping along the table towards Ron and Harry in Chamber, his dramatic point in that same scene, his walk up to the stage for Dueling Club, his whacking students in Goblet and Order, etc.

On one hand, I feel like this does match the tone of the books; he canonically lurks and prowls and points and snatches at the air, and his menace is often undercut by a physical description that’s meant to be some level of comedic. On the other hand, we don't see Snape nearly as much in the movies as we do in the books, so this aspect of his character seems somewhat overinflated by the movies?

TLDR I don’t think these decisions in the movie were completely out of left field, but it also feels off for some reason. Idk I don’t know how exactly to verbalize my feelings on the matter and wanted to hear your thoughts!

It will probably come as no surprise that I feel like any answer to this question is inseparable from the absolute hatchet jobs that are Steve Kloves' screenplays for the HP franchise. This reply is going to end up inevitably long (you ask me about my favorite subject, you suffer the consequences), but all of it is ultimately framed by the problem of having to make the best of a badly written script. (**edit: This post is way too long. Run away. Don't look back.)

The writing doesn't support the story

The first thing that jumps out to me is that there's a separation between where and how these comedic moments are used, up until the end of GoF and after. They're more a part of the story only until Harry's story arc reaches the point of Cedric's death, when he first witnesses death in the way that allows him to see thestrals after. GoF is when the story takes its first dark turn, and up until then the tone and story is much more in line with children's literature, so it makes more sense that Snape is portrayed in a bit of a playful way. After GoF - even though the films reveal it as an aside and much later than the original story does - Snape resumes his role as spy and becomes more integral to the story as a key character and is thus no longer just a foil in a children's story. I think what doesn't work about it is the inconsistency. The books have comedic moments with Snape too, which are cartoonish, up until the end of DH - I feel those are also out of place, but at least their existence gives a basis to what's done in the films.

Nevertheless, one of the biggest problems with the films is that they're badly edited. I'll leave that analysis for another post (you're welcome), but essentially these comedic moments feel inconsistent in part because there's often a disconnect between the performance a director has asked of his actors and the tone that's established in the editing room once pacing and a soundtrack are added. Any vision a director had for these films was muddled by the involvement of big studio producers and limitations. This is made more jarring by the way that Kloves has interjected light, funny moments in awkward ways throughout the scripts. He struggles overall to convey the world that Rowling has created, and if it weren't for the brilliant production design of Stuart Craig, Kloves' failures would be much more obvious (again, worthy of its own roast post).

Take the scene where Snape whacks Harry and Ron on the head in Gof: why are the students all studying in the Great Hall? Why are various years sitting together? Why is Snape overseeing them? It's a scene almost verbatim out of the book (Fred asks Angelina to the ball casually, he and George tell Ron and Harry to get dates "before all the good ones are gone," we find out Hermione already has a date), but like pretty much every scene that originally takes place in the Gryffindor common room, this one is moved to another location for no discernible reason. The main difference in the change is how restrictive it is: in the common room the children are free to be themselves, but in the Great Hall, under a strict teacher's nose, they have to be quiet and restrained. Another subject that would need its own post is the myriad of ways Kloves goes out of his way to rewrite settings and characters to avoid allowing them to express themselves or grow as characters, and how hard he works to stifle and limit them in ways that are convoluted and work against the story, as if he himself couldn't deal with any kind of emotional vulnerability (in a way, his scripts are a desperate cry for help). This directly contributes to why so many of Snape's comedic moments feel off.

The changes in the scene in GoF don't even make sense from a production perspective, as they required more actors, more lighting, and more setups. Instead of using the cozy setting of the common room to establish camaraderie between the students, Kloves replaced that energy and lightheartedness with Snape in a way that's uncharacteristic. The scene, as he wrote it, is already light and has humor, but Kloves doesn't trust it - he feels the need to exaggerate it and the casualties, as always, are the characters and their portrayal. It's as though he's following a formula and saying, "this page number/scene number must provide relief from the tension of the story" and then doesn't consider how following that directive fits into the rhythm of the narrative. It's closer to being an isolated scene akin to a comedy sketch than to a scene that's part of an act that's part of a film. It's worth noting that, in GoF, Kloves interjects this scene as if he's forcing this moment of comic relief into a story that didn't require it and then relies on playing off of Snape's usual seriousness as its crux. In OOtP, when there's a callback to it as Snape smacks Ron with a book again, it's no longer the point of the scene, but an aside in a comical montage focused on Umbridge (OOtP was also the only film not written by Kloves, so this moment is more likely the result of Michael Goldenberg trying to maintain a consistency with Kloves' work). Overall, I think that feeling of something being off is, again, more rooted in the writing than the performance.

Rickman as an actor playing Snape

There's a lot of criticism in the Snapedom of how Alan Rickman portrays Snape, but not enough acknowledgment that none of the characters are portrayed well, and most of it comes down to Kloves' writing of them. Book!McGonagall insists that all students under 17 are evacuated before the Battle of Hogwarts, where Movie!McGonagall only cares that the Slytherin students are locked in the dungeon, everyone else can stay, what does she care if first years die? Book!Hermione is intelligent and empathetic while Movie!Hermione is a two dimensional maternalistic harpy whose main job is to be a mouthpiece for plot exposition. Book!Ron is funny and brave and fiercely loyal, while Movie!Ron throws Hermione under the bus, is cowardly, and is reduced to a flatly written sidekick. Book!Harry is complex and while I could list a million examples, I'll stick to this one: in PoA when he finds out Sirius betrayed his parents, he's enraged but has no reply when asked if he'd want to kill Sirius. Movie!Harry says with conviction, and without prompting, that he wants to find Sirius with the explicit purpose of killing him. Every single character takes a hit because of how Steve Kloves writes them, and Snape is, sadly, no exception.

While some film shoots allow for improvisation, a big budget production on a tight schedule with scenes that require a lot of prep work can't afford to make many changes. So, for example, while Ralph Fiennes was asked to improvise his scene as Voldemort at the end of DH2 when he re-enters Hogwarts victorious (and that's why the dialogue is redundant and that weird hug with Draco continues to plague us), it could be done because the wardrobe and set and cast were already in place and the time required had already been scheduled in. It wouldn't be possible, though, to add an additional scene - like Snape going feral in the hospital wing at the end of PoA - unless it was written into the script. Additional actors would be required, which would mean coordinating with their schedules and adding them to the budget, not to mention scheduling in additional days with the crew who may already have other work lined up. It would require either pushing every other shooting day back - which is near impossible - in order to use the hospital wing set while it's still up, or tacking on production days to the end of the shooting schedule and rebuilding the set on those days. This can be done for necessary pickups that round out existing scenes, but you can't really say, "hey I decided we need a scene here that didn't exist before" without causing huge problems. Because of how contracts work, any significant scene changes would have to be sent back to Kloves who would have to write alternate scenes and/or dialogue, and even then if you wanted to fix a specific character's arc - like Snape's - you would have to add in so much that it just wouldn't be feasible. Screenplay lengths have to fall within a certain number of pages, because each page is approximately a minute of screen time, so adding a few more to a finished script mid-production is very difficult. The actors have to make the best of what's on the page. Which brings us to Alan Rickman, his choices as an actor, and what informed both him and the character of Snape.

Alan Rickman was a RADA trained actor, so his approach to a character involved a lot of physical work as well as character analysis. As far as I know, he was the only actor to contact JK Rowling directly to ask about his character, because he wanted to make an informed decision about how to play him since Snape was so nuanced and gray. Unlike some of the other actors (like Michael "DIDYAPUTYANAMEINDAGOBLETOFFIYAH" Gambon) Rickman read the books - those that were available when he took on the role, and each as they came out afterwards - and used them to inform his understanding of his character beyond what Kloves wrote (presumably in crayon with all the e's backwards). In interviews and Q&A's it's clear Rickman was fond of the HP books and story, and had a thoughtful process taking on Snape's character. He did not see him as a villain, because, as he's said, he didn't approach characters with that kind of judgment. And while I'm sure the egregious amounts of cash Warner Brothers threw at the actors was inevitably a factor for all of them, several of the ones playing teachers or other adults have said that they took on their role because a child in their life insisted on it, despite them being unfamiliar with the books, whereas Rickman's process was to read Rowling's books in order to decide whether to take the role. Again, he was a RADA trained actor, and thus had a meticulous approach to his work that followed a thoughtful, considered process and a decision based on whether he felt he could embody a character in a way that did them justice/if they were interesting enough to him. By the time he started shooting PS, he also had experience directing a film and was working as a director in theatre as well as still acting, so he understood the process from the perspective of not just an actor, but also as someone behind the camera, someone working with actors both as a peer and director, and someone sitting in an editing room.

We know from his diaries that he became increasingly frustrated with how his own process and expectations clashed with that of the producers on Harry Potter. He wasn't interested in renewing his contract after the first few films (goodness knows how much money they offered him in the end - his wife has said that he never let anyone else pick up a tab in a restaurant and if they argued, he would just say "Harry Potter."). He writes about seeing the films at premieres and being frustrated with how little story and development there is (especially for Snape), which makes me think there are deleted scenes somewhere that haven't been released. At one point he writes about a premiere party where he had internally lost patience with the three Davids (Yates, Heyman, and Barron). It's obvious that there's a discord between the work he wanted to do with Snape's character and what choices the production made:

He describes how, during the filming of the Yule Ball scene in GoF, there was an attempt to get him to dance but he refused because he didn't think Snape would dance:

It was a rare moment of potential for improvisation because, again, the set and cast and timing were already accounted for, and in this case there wasn't even dialogue. The scene where he smacks the boys with the notebook - as far as I know - was scripted. So there's a difference there in how much freedom he had, as an actor, to say no to what he was asked to do. Even in the above diary entry it's clear that, given his way, he felt the character wouldn't even be present in that scene, but he had no choice. This tells me that when he had more freedom to make choices, he did so based on his understanding of Snape as a character and, given that he was an actor who was both very respected (and got away with more than most) and also someone who could get argumentative about his character choices, I think this is the most apt lens to examine his physical work with Snape through.

Knowing that he wasn't interested in continuing the role of Snape after the first couple of films and that he was often frustrated with the lack of characterization and story arc, his physicality in his first scene in CoS (when he reprimands Harry and Ron for flying the car) says a lot. (Caveat that one of the reasons he didn't want to renew his contract was that the shooting schedule restricted his schedule and he wanted work on other projects, but I can't help but wonder if that had been the case had HP provided a more satisfying process.) It's almost certain that he had read all the available books by the time the scene in CoS was filmed, including PoA where Snape becomes apoplectic with rage in a way that, to a child reader, is comical (and intended to be) and to someone analyzing Snape is clearly rooted in triggered trauma.

Alan Rickman knew from the outset that Snape's motivation was his love for Lily, so he would have understood the dynamic between his character and Sirius re: who Snape thought sold Lily out to Voldemort. He would also have understood that Snape's reaction in PoA was more about distress and anxiety, and that this was connected to the promise Snape had made to protect Harry for Lily's sake. This would have therefore informed his portrayal of Snape's anger at Harry in CoS, and it's reasonable to assume that Rickman was trying to walk the line between the way Rowling portrayed Snape in full unhinged rage in PoA, what this tells him about this character when angered, and the connection between the moments in PoA and CoS when it comes to Snape's anxiety over Harry's safety. Unlike the author of a book however, who has full control of how they tell a story, Rickman was an actor in a film - an inevitably collaborative medium which therefore made his portrayal reliant on the decisions of others as well.

Chris Columbus, the HP movies, and feral Snape

PS and CoS were directed by Chris Columbus, the guy who directed both Home Alone and Home Alone II and Mrs. Doubtfire. He was a successful director from the 90s tradition of children's movies whose sensibility was informed by the era's attitude towards children's media: kids wanting to see themselves in narratives, in ways that felt empowering and allowed them to process the confusion of a world run by adults in playful, quasi-cartoonish ways within a 3 act structure where the villains - mean adults - get their comeuppance because it feels fair. One thing that set Harry Potter apart was that the villain was not the mean adult; Snape, the mean adult, is a character kids can hate and project their own experiences onto, but Voldemort is a true villain who represents evil and is vanquished by the hero. Chris Columbus established a tone for the first two films that was no longer apt by PoA, not only because it didn't work for the story, but because that 90s era of children's movies had ended and the culture moved on to more complex narratives (and Columbus has focused more on producing than directing since, because his style doesn't work for audiences anymore).

What's ironic about the way Snape's scene at the start of CoS comes off is that, in the book, there's a great comedic moment that's left out:

This is cut from the film, and instead it's Filch waiting at the top of the marble stairs who catches Ron and Harry being late and delivers them to Snape (I don't know why, the scene in the book is much more dynamic and would have taken up about as much time on screen). Rickman, meanwhile, is using the information he's gotten on who Snape is from the books, and imbuing some of that feral Snape energy into his portrayal of a Snape who is genuinely angry:

(Thank you for making these gifs @smilingformoney , they are truly the gift that keeps on giving.)

The thing is, no matter how much of feral Snape Rickman brought to this, no matter how menacing his performance is, this moment still lives within the dynamics of a Chris Columbus children's film. It gets cut off by Dumbledore's entrance - meant to be a comeuppance for Snape, since Dumbledore (being the voice of wisdom and fairness in this world) prevents him from punishing Harry and Ron (you know what, at least in the books they got detention, but ok). Despite Rickman's performance, Columbus as a director has framed this scene in the same context as the one Kloves cut. The tension is brief, and the focus is on Snape being foiled, because it's what children want to see - a mean adult experiencing consequences. It's down to the editing and soundtrack, choices Columbus made in the editing room. In addition, we don't know how many different ways an actor tries a scene, only what ends up in the final cut of a film. The process of the work done on a set is often much richer and more diverse than what an audience sees in the finished film.

Tbh I think this is also why Snape's feral moments were cut from PoA: it's a darker film, but had to straddle the line between being for both children and tweens and not getting too playful, nor too intense. As much as I want to see feral Snape on screen, it's extremely difficult to make work in a narrative that is about Harry and his friends. It either skews too intense, making the audience uncomfortable because seeing an adult becoming unhinged and in pain is difficult and frightening for most young people, even adults, and would therefore take away from Harry's goals and narrative as well as his changing relationship to Sirius (all of which is already barely supported by Kloves' writing). Alternately, it could also skew too comical and over the top, which takes the audience out of the tension of the film's climactic moments.

If Snape's story had gotten more focus and screen time, an unhinged moment would be better justified because the audience would have been more invested in the character and their arc. PoA sidesteps pretty much all of the most compelling parts of the book, which is the realization that Harry is not only connected to Sirius personally, but that his dad, Sirius, Lupin, and Pettigrew created the Marauders Map, that they were animagi, that Harry's patronus takes the form of his father's stag, and that Snape was initimately connected to all of them as well. For me, reading the end of PoA was what cemented Snape as someone who would be crucial to the narrative and whose role would increase as the series went on. As a result of Kloves skimming over these essential plot twists, Snape is a minor character in the film, showing up mostly as a foil who tries to expose Lupin and then catches him and Black in the Shrieking Shack (this also sets his character up to be minimized in every film down the line, which has a worsening impact as Snape becomes increasingly integral to the plot).

One thing I find interesting is that Snape's comical physicality changes over the films. In PS and CoS he's menacing, a looming, larger than life figure the children fear and easily assume to be a full-fledged villain. By GoF there's a relationship embedded in how he interacts with Harry and his friends. He's no longer terrifying, just intimidating, more of an adult Harry challenges than someone he must defeat. The comedic effect now comes from a rapport within an established dynamic between characters. By HBP, the only comical moment is at Slughorn's party, and it's no longer Rickman who uses physicality - the action happens around him, and the comedic effect is in his lack of reaction to any of it. In other words, he's no longer the comic one, he's become the straight man in a (badly written) comedy sketch (with abysmal timing, what even).

Ultimately, as with most of the characters in the HP films, Snape is undermined by the writing. Rickman was stuck working within the confines he was given. No matter how well he may have understood the character, the limited screen time and character development were always going to stifle how Snape was portrayed on screen. I'm very much pro Let Snape Be Feral but I also don't fault Rickman in how little we saw of that.

How Feral is Snape?

If I'm honest, I feel like the Snapedom has taken the Let Snape Be Feral thing and has started forgetting that he wasn't all-feral-all-the-time. The point of Feral Snape is that it's a heightened state of tension in a character whose trauma is being triggered. Apoplectic Snape wouldn't have an impact at the end of PoA if that was his usual way of being. And, as you so brilliantly showed @said-snape-softly Snape's speech patterns are primarily quiet and controlled, his speech gets softer the more dangerous his mood, and it's only after he reassumes his role as a spy that the description of his speech becomes increasingly volatile (but is still controlled). Feral Snape's definitive aspect is the lack of control shown by a character who usually is so exceptionally capable of self restraint and compartmentalization. So again, while I would have loved to see Feral Snape on screen, I think it's also important to acknowledge that this is not the defining feature of his character and is more about what those moments mean to his arc. Their absence is primarily due to poor writing that didn't create space for them (including what leads up to them), and the direction that didn't carve out any kind of niche for them, not Rickman's choices as an actor.

In fact, Snape as a character is defined by descriptors of his voice more than any other character by far. I have my own theory about why this is, and it has to do with Alan Rickman being inextricably connected with how Snape is written. Chris Columbus said that Alan Rickman was always Snape as far as he was concerned, because when JK Rowling showed him a sketch of Snape she had made, it looked exactly like Rickman. I don't think this is accidental.

Alan Rickman was always intended to be Snape

First, what's important to remember is that before Harry Potter, Alan Rickman was best known in the 90s for playing both villains and sad romantic leads. His signature defining feature was his voice. I think it was Ang Lee who described the casting choice of Greg Wise and Alan Rickman in Sense and Sensibility as wanting Willoughby (Wise) to be dashing and Brandon (Rickman) to be sexy (if this was Emma Thompson and not Ang Lee, my apologies, I can't remember where I read this and can't find the source). This is how Rickman was perceived by audiences up until Harry Potter. And I know a lot of the Snapedom considers him to be sexy as Snape too, but the general audiences of the films don't, so please don't @ me, I'm just setting up a point here.

This is relevant because, as we find out in the end of the books, Rowling wrote Snape's motivations to be rooted in romantic love (I'm very nobly putting aside, for the sake of focusing on Rowling's intentions, my personal interpretation that Snape's feelings for Lily were platonic, please acknowledge how brave I am for this). She pulls a lot from gothic tropes into how he's written, and as much as she's talked about the character having been inspired by a chemistry teacher she disliked, and as much as she's talked about Snape being both morally grey and someone she personally dislikes, she also romanticized him. Between this and what Chris Columbus said about her sketch of him, it's hard for me to ignore that this character, conceived of in the 90s, wasn't written with Alan Rickman in mind from the beginning, especially since Rowling herself has said that she envisioned him in the role. Whether or not he lived up to Rowling's imagination is, frankly, his choice and Rowling's problem.

The story of how Harry Potter was written according to JK Rowling is that it started with the idea coming to her on a train ride in 1990. She completed the PS manuscript in 1995. While everything I'm about to say is absolute conjecture, I can't help but wonder at the connection between these films and the way Snape was written (spoilers ahead, no regrets, these films have been out for over a quarter of a century - forgive my reviews, I can't help myself):

1988: Die Hard comes out. Alan Rickman plays Hans Gruber, a villain who is a genius, composed, controlled, and soft-spoken. (Great film, a classic, the only valid Christmas movie.)

1990: Truly, Madly, Deeply. Rickman plays a man whose wife can't get over his tragic death, nor can his own ghost, who comes back to spend more time with her. No one else can see him, and they can't really share a life anymore. She eventually lets him go as she realizes that his spirit doesn't belong in the mortal world and her own life can't move on as long as she clings to it. (Beautiful film, will break your heart and put it through a shredder.)

1991: Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves. Rickman is the Sheriff of Nottingham, an unhinged, feral villain who wears all black complete with billowing cape. (Terrible film, disaster of a period piece, Rickman's performance is the only redeeming thing about it. Halfway through its press tour talk shows started booking Rickman instead of the lead, Kevin Costner, because Rickman stole every scene.)

1995: An Awfully Big Adventure. Rickman is an actor who comes back to his hometown to revive his role as Captain Hook in a local theatre production of Peter Pan. In the process he has an affair with a young ginger stagehand who reminds him of his lost love, a vivacious woman named Stella with bright red hair who, as far as he knows, birthed his child - a son - before she died. It turns out the girl he has an affair with is his daughter, which he realizes when he visits her home where she lives in the care of her aunt and uncle - whose name is Vernon - and connects the dots of who this girl's mother was. (He then rides his motorcycle out to the pier, screams "Stella" at the heavens like he's in a revival production of Streetcar Named Desire, trips and hits his head on the edge of the pier and falls into the water, drowning. I can't make this up. Mike Newell directed this. The same guy who directed GoF. As if following in the vein of the 90s movie obsession with incest as the controversial-trope-du-jour wasn't enough. I don't even need to review this, just sum it up.)

1995: Sense and Sensibility. Rickman plays Colonel Brandon, a forlorn, grieving man who lost his first love at a young age and spends most of the film pining for the only other woman he's ever had a romantic interest in. Wears all black, rides a black horse.

Given what a well-known actor Rickman was in the 90s - especially in England - and how connected his characters all seem to be to various aspects of Snape, it's hard not to see a connection. The entire premise of Truly, Madly, Deeply sounds like the inspiration for the Resurrection Stone in Deathly Hallows. The redheaded lost love whose child is left in the care of an Uncle Vernon in An Awfully Big Adventure is difficult to look past. All of these characters either exude menacingly soft-spoken Snape energy, feral Snape energy, or forlorn because of his lost love Snape energy. As a result, I feel like it's almost inevitable that Rickman inspired Snape, especially when you consider how known he was for his voice and how frequently Snape's voice is used to describe him. When Rowling said that she envisioned him in the role, it makes me wonder if she meant during the casting process for the first film, or well before it. I think his previous roles were a contributing factor in how the character was written in the books. After Tim Roth - who was originally cast in the role - had to back out due to scheduling conflicts, she got her way. Authors don't often get to choose who plays their characters, but in this case it worked out as the production thought Rickman was a good fit as well.

I'm done, I promise

So where does this leave things at the end of this horrendously long post? Rickman's choices of how he physicalized Snape - comedic or not - are only part of a larger whole. He was playing a character who was written based on his other roles, and limited by the shortcomings of how Steve Kloves translated that character from Rowling's books into his own screenplays. Whatever Rickman did on set was limited by that writing, by the directors he worked with, and by the choices made in the editing room.

I'm fascinated by the idea that Rickman was playing a character written with him in mind - but not really him, the him who embodied other characters whose echoes show up in Snape. It's difficult enough to contend with an actor playing a character in a screenplay you wrote with them in mind when you're directing your own script, because they'll never be what you imagined in your head. But for that process to get filtered through several directors, a team of producers, another writer who changes your work, and an editor, let alone throughout a decade of films - that's downright wild. The original intention gets lost and reinterpreted like a game of telephone, and I think that a lot of the consistencies between Movie!Snape and Book!Snape are down to Alan Rickman's nuanced and generous nature as an actor. If I'm honest, I'm not convinced that every Snape moment that comes off comical was meant to be so by Rickman. But again, film is such a collaborative medium that his intentions aren't the only ones that matter, ultimately, at least they aren't the only thing that ends up in the final cut.

My take, personally, is that I'm more interested in critical analysis than personal criticism. I respect that everyone has their own vision of a character and fandom is absolutely here for, among other things, having a place to share those thoughts and feelings. But a character is rarely going to appear on screen the same way you see them in your head, and that's not always going to be a fault, even if it's a disappointment to you. It's interesting to hear different people's perceptions, but there isn't that much to discuss there - you can't refute how someone feels, and you can't argue that their truth is what it is, to them. Whereas with critical analysis there's a lot more to talk about and examine, so it's where my own interest is much more invested.

[good-beans]

hiii ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ i've always loved your milgram posts and was hoping to hear you talk about them more. it's a bit of a vague question but i was hoping to hear your thoughts about the characters or songs? or really anything that's been on your mind! apart from that i hope you've been having a good day (or night!)

!!!!! Omg thank you so much?? This made me so happy ;----; I’m sorry if this is more than you bargained for LMAO, I planned on jotting down a few ideas and then I just kept on writing..... I hope you’re having a lovely day/night as well!✨

So, I’m actually not that great with coming up with crime-logistic theories (timelines, cause of death, etc), but I’ve been really interested in the insights we get on characterization from the visuals – specifically looking at the image of the self each prisoner creates. The videos come directly from inside their minds, so these self-portrayals aren’t biased with any manipulation, or how they want Es to view them. I’ve been bouncing these around in my head for a while, so thank you for the reason to actually put them down somewhere! So here are details I’ve gathered on each of them: (And as with everything in Milgram, this is just how I understood the symbolism – if people have other interpretations, I’d love to hear them!)

I've been adding edits as the videos come out, it's through Double now 👍

Haruka: In T1 he definitely views himself as guilty and dangerous. Though it’s dulled with crayon/mixed media, he conjurs a version of himself that’s committing acts of violence even in his suffering. The fact that his younger self takes place as the victim is huge to me. I know it could mean a lot of different things, but my personal interpretation is that Haruka sees his younger self in his little sister. He’s been in her shoes, at a time his mother loved him best. He believes he is the reason she stopped loving him, so he hates this younger version of himself. And this leads him to hate her now that he’s seeing the similarities. I believe the crimes happened extremely recently, so it’s interesting that he portrays himself as a child in much of AKAA. He’s not trying to gain any sympathy with it, he still genuinely feels like a child because of how much he struggles with everything. I don’t know what it means yet, but I’m really interested that despite all the water imagery he creates, he visualizes himself sinking, but never actually drowning/short of breath.

Yuno: Between both her videos, we only ever see her, her, her. This is because her motivations start and end with herself. I know her situation relies heavily on her clients, but in her mind, the one who was in control the whole time was only her. She’s the only one she can trust to take care of her and show her real love. She got into her line of work to benefit herself, and she went through with the abortion to benefit herself. She's taking the ultimate responsibility for everything that happened to her and everything that she did. Though it makes me happy to see it framed as all self love, it’s also clear that she’s unhappy with her decision. And, when everything revolves around versions of herself, there’s only one person she has to hate... 

Fuuta: His self-imagery makes it really clear how his mindset changed between trials. In T1 he genuinely saw himself as the hero, the perfect knight-in-shining-armor. Once doubt started to creep into his mind, though, he suddenly portrays himself as a criminal hiding/running in dark areas. It also emphasizes what he was saying about he and Es being the same: the girl that he accused of being guilty turned to ash after being sprayed with his paint, and he starts turning to ash along with Es’ accusation and paint spray. I know people took that as his suicidal intent, (and while that’s still a thing he does express in Backdraft,) I actually think his burning is just his fear that he’ll die at the end of Milgram. Another little detail, but someone mentioned Fuuta only lowered his mask in BIO while he’s looking at his phone, showing that he was comfortable being his true self online. Meaning, he had to hide some part of him in the rest of his life. The original post said it was his sexuality, but I feel as though it’s just his general paranoia of living around warriors for justice who are constantly evaluating everyone’s behavior. 

Muu: Like I said, the mvs are unaffected by how the prisoners want Es to see them, soI was confused when people accused Muu of lying in T1 – that’s really how she took the situation! In her mind, that pain and mistreatment made up everything in her. Her being a bully didn’t matter then, because it was her being a victim that led to the murder. In T2, it becomes obvious that she does harbor guilt. No innocent person would imagine themselves as a monstrous, destructive creature like that. If she really saw herself as ‘queen bee,’ her self-image would be flawless and lovable. INMF also showed she wasn’t exaggerating when she said the murder was to free her: we see her self-image undergo a full metamorphosis and sprout beautiful wings to fly away after she committed her crime. Though she feels guilty, she still believes it was necessary to free her and is grateful for it. 

Shidou: I’m still working on something more solid for him, but it’s neat that T1 he’s expressing so much guilt, yet his self-image is engaged in very abstract activities (like gardening and eating). In T2 he’s chilled out a bit, but that’s the video that death is literally following everywhere he goes (flowers dying behind him, ghosts surrounding him). It’s also worth noting he has his doctor’s coat on for most of Throw Down, and then the only time he has it in Triage is at the very end when he’s vowing to help the other prisoners. I’ll get back with a more solid conclusion on his soon…

Mahiru: Like Yuno (and semi-Haruka), the fact that she’s the only one to appear in her T1 mv means all her turmoil at that point was focused inward. She saw herself as the center of her story, which isn’t necessarily a selfish thing. It means she didn’t blame her boyfriend for anything that happened, even though we know it was likely both of their behaviors that led to the crime. Still, she’s taking all the focus on herself, showing off all the things she did and failed to do for him. The fact that everything is styled like magazine pages hints that she genuinely sees their relationship as the picture perfect example of love. After all, she was just “being herself” when she got him killed. Even that deep in her heart, she’s convinced love makes everything glossy and perfect. T2 is an exaggeration on both if these concepts -- she still places all the blame/responsibility on herself, but with the doubt creeping into her mind, she now paints herself as a villain who's actively causing harm. She still believes love can make things seem perfect, but you get the sense she's become more aware that love wasn't transforming her, it was blinding her.

Kazui: So this is an interesting one. I know that the performance aspect in Half is obviously taken as him acting that he loves his wife when he’s fallen in love with someone else. However, the fact that he’s singing the song about how he doesn’t love her, while still on stage/in costume, gives me a different idea. His emotions are so incredibly repressed and fucked up that even in the privacy of his own heart, he feels like he has to act sad about her death when he actually has more complex emotions than that. Not that he’s happy about it per se, but the feelings are too complex for him to show even himself. (We’ve all been there, where even in our private thoughts it’s embarrassing to be excited about something terrible and we pretend we aren’t.) That’s why I think he sounds so different in Cat – he’s able to start processing that he may be relieved, or freed that she’s gone. Or maybe he’s just realizing the murder was indirect, and he’s allowed to mourn her without feeling personally guilty for her death. So I agree the costumes represent hiding his emotions, but I think it symbolizes him lying to himself rather than just lying to his wife. Now with Cat out, he also shows a shift of seeing himself more guilty. Rather than a passive character, his self appears as someone known for manipulation/deception/trickery -- someone in charge of the situation. He's coming to terms with his active role in Hinako's death. There's also a lot of his vices shown explicitly, like his smoking and drinking. He's painting himself in a much worse light as his guilt gets to him. (There's also something to be said about the whole thing appearing under a filter of advertisement/magazine style, but I have yet to form a conclusion I'm happy with on that)

Amane: The major thing I took away from Magic was the idea that Amane really felt isolated in her cult. She saw herself as a normal girl, but no one else is like her. The other children are all animals, and the adults in charge are animalistic or robotic. There’s such a divide between her and everyone else. She’s not living up to their religious standards the way that everyone else seems to be. With the adults, it could be the general feeling that they never listen to or understand her because of her age. In T2, she presents a new idea: she's struggling with how complex and contradictory the self is. The human psyche has so many parts and motivations, all represented by the marching band members. She wants to be good. She's flawed. She wants to help. She's hurting. She knows she's made mistakes. She thinks she deserves punishment. That punishment is killing her. The adults around her make behaving look/sound so easy, but at her age it's so difficult to be a good girl! She wants to show this to Es, since she believes her own misbehavior + following the rules is what led to her murder.

Mikoto: He’s got So much going on with identity and sense of self, but I don’t have a ton on him that hasn’t already been said lol. I’ve joked that the reason Meme got the most views is because it’s the mv that shows the most skin, but on a serious note I think it’s really telling that there are so many bathing/showering/teeth brushing shots. Those are the stereotypical times we’re completely alone with ourselves – cleaning off everything external so that it’s just us in our purest form left when we’re done. An interesting switch I've noticed in Double is that the two major alters never appear beside each other -- there's the reflection in the mirror at one point (and I think they're face to face in the last shot?) but we never see both onscreen at the same time. This is because each one wants to distance themselves from the other: Bokukoto wants to show he's far from a killer, and Orekoto wants to make it clear he's the one who was violent. Neither wants to be mistaken for the other, but it's much easier to do so since they look exactly the same in this video (no color-coded clothes or eyes or lighting.) A minor detail, but the fact that his own mind conjured up quotes around the word "savior" makes it clear that Orekoto is slowly realizing his actions may have gotten Bokukoto into more trouble than they saved him from...

Kotoko: I don’t have too much on her at the moment since a lot of her scenes seem to be memories of her actual life and are already in line with what she’s admitted about herself. Still, I think the running-alongside-wolves scenes reveal a lot. She very clearly works alone, but wolves are known for hunting in a pack. Does she have a pack we haven’t seen yet? Is there a reason she’s no longer with them? Does she just dream of running with one because she craves that belonging so deeply? @tokyogruel pointed out that wolves are known for caring for weaker pack members, and that there have been analyses of the Harrow wolves being Kotoko's family members. This is revealing a more prominent focus on family than she's made known so far. She doesn't see herself as an elevated hero -- she always views herself as part of a team, which can be seen in her 'deal' with Es and all her T2 commentary of their partnership (despite being their prisoner). She's always been working with and for others.

[batw1nggg]

Hi!

If you could rewrite dr3 how would you write it?

Ahhhh . the age old question

im not gonna touch future arc because i genuinely believe it cannot be saved but i will say that despair arc had plenty going for it. the framework is really good i love the part where they expand on twilight syndrome murder case and i love how they frame hajime signing up for the project as all these little events adding up. the kamukoma gun scene. the komaeda bomb subplot ate up it gave him just enough screen time without being too much. ofc i love the izuru characterization scenes. the student council killing scene is one of the only scenes in dr that still creeps me out. i love how they open with happy 77b bonding but then everything spirals out of control and the whole anime has a sense of impending doom to it.

all of this is great its just a matter of there being More of it. despair arc deserved more than 10 episodes imo. it did alright with the budget it was given but the brainwashing plot (everyone in the crowd begins to groan) (STAY WITH ME STAY WITH ME HERE) wouldve been a fine and maybe even good plot had they just. extended it.

before we get into the brainwashing plot im gonna discuss a smaller but also big issue - the hinanami kamukura project retcon. chiaki should NOT have been even REMOTELY a factor in hajime signing up for the project. the point is that he does it for HIMSELF. taps the sign chiaki shouldve been her own fleshed out character her biggest downfall is that her sole purpose is to spur on hajimes character development points at izuru crying scene points at the trial 6 chiaki scene points at the kamukura project retcon poin

now that that is cleared up. this isnt the first time the topic of a dr3 rewrite has come up on this blog and ive had issues with scrapping the brainwashing plot brought up to me, the biggest of which would be it would make putting them in the simulation unethical. if theyre brainwashed the team can go ahead and make the decision for them because they cant consciously make it themselves — but if they ARE fully conscious of their actions and do NOT consent to being put in a potential death trap (even one built with good intentions) then its just. Wrong. putting them in there to reverse the brainwashing is fine, but putting them in there because. just because they are seen as bad people that need rehabilitation? its kinda like those news articles u see that are like Scientists found a way for a prisoner to mentally serve 100 years in just 1 real life minute!

however leaning into this could pose a very interesting moral question, because both munakata and makoto’s solutions to the problem would be unethical, its just the matter of which is better. theres no clear answer. im sure in the canon makoto already feels some degree of responsibility for the killing game, but if we take away the brainwashing plot we REMOVE the comfort of saying “oh well they werent conscious of their actions so its fine that i made the decision for them because this was the only way to reverse the brainwashing” its not as black and white

i have a scene in my head to replace the brainwashing one that ive been playing with where its essentially just the og scene but. longer. theyre trapped in that trial room the only light source being the tv screens theyre watching chiaki be tortured on no food no water for. a week. two weeks i havent decided yet. and then i was thinking about chisa also being tortured so you have the two people that bring the class together dying in front of everyones eyes (also endlessly torturing only one person that long is going to kill them. taking turns with two would extend the amt of time). and after a couple of days of torture junko like forces chisa and chiaki to talk to the class about how great despair is or whatever and in their grieving and desperation to honor their last words everyone turns to despair

HOWEVER the canon realllyyyyyy wanted to paint makoto as ultimate hope good boy munakata WRONG, so. unless we want to change a lottttt of writing we gotta keep the brainwashing. i know i know.

i dont like the idea of junko personally manipulating everyone mikan style either. its too much of her time invested to a class she doesnt care about. she cares about torturing HER class because thats the one shes attached to she couldnt give less of a fuck about 77b

but she also is not LAZY about her despair. shes dramatic like. there was no reason for her to kill chiaki that was literally just for Flare. so i think it isnt unreasonable to find some midpoint between not having her manipulate EVERYONE but have her personally target maybe a couple of people for no longer than one brief scene each, and once shes infiltrated maybe 3 or 4 people Then she lets it spread. or she doesnt let it spread and the 3 or 4 ppl she did manipulate personally serve as lackeys to manipulate the group into falling for junkos brainwashing trap or something. as for who shed target, probably the most dangerous yet most clearly emotionally vulnerable ones komaeda peko etc

i would also try to fit in some of the atrocities they commit into the anime SOMEWHERE. could be in future arc could be as an extension of despair arc. no idea how id fit this in here i just think its important to do some tragedy era worldbuilding (udg tried to do this but failed. because udg sucks)

and also in the bit where chisa gets Banished over to teach at the reserve course. i think it wouldve been cool if she was hajimes teacher and also we saw a little bit of her reaction as a former main course student to the mistreatment of the reserve course students. i wish they wouldve played w that

oh also take away the despaircest. Please . and if we do decide to keep it (which i think junko incestually abusing mukuro could explain mukuros loyalty and have some genuine weight had it been handled right) we gotta explore it without fetishizing it and making it into a weird gag .

ok thats all i got right now i know this isnt a rewrite its mostly just a lot of critiques and disconnected ideas but. ill flesh out all of my concepts One Day.

[eggsaladstain]

I just love the way you write, so gonna pick your brain here: why do you think people are so drawn to Darklina? Is it the tragedy of it? The gothic aspect to it? The darkness (funnily enough) of it? Or is it just the chemistry between the actors? Thoughts?

hi anon, thanks for reading and thanks for the ask! i've been sitting on this for a bit because i don't really ship darklina and thus don't have many thoughts about them but then once i started thinking about them i couldn't stop so here we are.

i can't speak for anyone else but for me personally what i love about this pairing is the tension and symbolism and the epic two-halves-of-a-whole vibe they've got going on and there are also some interesting parallels between darklina and kanej, so despite not actively shipping it, i genuinely think it's one of the most interesting ships in the entire grishaverse and certainly the most complex and complicated relationship alina has.

i'll talk about both the books and the show because i think they each do a good job showing different aspects of their relationship, and i actually kind of think you need to take the books and show together to get the complete picture of this compelling if ultimately doomed ship.

please know, anon, that when i opened this ask, i had planned on a pretty short answer and then i ended up writing 2k words about this because yes, apparently i do have thoughts and yes, that is a threat.

let's dive in.

at its core, darklina is about the attraction and balance between opposites. he summons shadows, she summons light, they're two sides of the same coin, they're made for each other! but then we find out that the darkling is actually manipulating alina, that he's the one who created the fold, that he's her enemy, and instead of sinking the ship, it actually makes it even better because you get that added tension and forbidden attraction between good and evil, between the hero and villain.

in the books, their relationship goes from romantic to adversarial to the mutual understanding that they have a connection to each other that they will never have with anyone else. for all its faults (and there are many), the original trilogy does a fantastic job fleshing out alina's relationship with the darkling and showing the love, the animosity, and above all else, the undeniable pull between them. we really get a sense of alina's acute loneliness and desire to belong somewhere, not just before she discovers her powers, but even after she comes into her power and learns that despite her new tribe with the grisha, she's still different, she's still ultimately alone. it's no wonder then that she would be so drawn to the darkling, who understands her loneliness, who gives her the attention she craves, who looks at her like she is something special. even after she finds out the truth about him, she continues to reach for him through their tether because despite the manipulation and lies, he is still the only one who truly understands the weight that she carries, he is still the only one who truly sees and embraces the darkness within her. he's her mirror image, reflecting not only her capacity for good and her desire to save ravka, but also showing her her darkest desires and instincts.

their relationship doesn't have nearly as much nuance in the show, and i get it, they only had a limited number of episodes, but the decision to turn darklina into a one-sided obsession on the darkling's part in season 2 was a big misstep in my opinion. in the books, their relationship is built on a mutual longing between both of them and even when alina finally kills him, she still grieves for him, says his name, and sees him through his final moments so he's not alone at the end. i've written before how much i love the subversive ending of ruin and rising and i especially love the closure we get in the relationship between alina and the darkling. it's a pyrrhic victory, not a triumphant one, and the darkling's death is very much a loss for alina. she does not kill him because of vengeance or to save the world, she kills him as a mercy, to put an end to his relentless suffering. the final book also acknowledges, crucially, that while the evil is ultimately defeated, this evil was not some monster or demon but a flesh and blood man, a boy.

in the books, alina is in her late teens and while the darkling is centuries old, he looks to be only a few years older than her. i understand why they chose to age up the characters on the show and ben barnes is fantastic as the darkling, but the fact that they were visibly closer in age in the original trilogy means there was less of an overt power imbalance between them because while the darkling was still the leader of the second army, he was also a bit more approachable due to his appearance of youth. not only that, their relationship in the books has an innocence that it doesn't really have in the show because a 17 year old girl being friendly and flirting with a 20 year old boy is fundamentally different from a 25 year old woman pursuing a relationship with a 39 year old man.

a younger darkling is also SO much more tragic, especially since his entire character can be summed up in this absolute banger of a quote from ruin and rising: in this moment he was just a boy - brilliant, blessed with too much power, burdened by eternity. the tragedy of the darkling is that he was forced to bear the burden of his power and persecution when he was just a boy and he had to continue bearing that burden for centuries, and it's so much more tragic to see a life cut short at 20 vs 40 because of that innocence that we associate with youth, even if that youth is an illusion and even (and especially) if that innocence is a lie. the tragedy of the darkling is that he had so much power but at his core, he was just a lost, lonely boy, and it makes him a much better foil for alina because, had she not lost her power in the books, she may have gone down the same path and that quote could have just as easily applied to her.

now, having said all this, the show, for all it faults (and there are also many), does a much better job (more so in season 1) of humanizing the darkling. part of that is just due to the books being written in alina's POV, meaning we never really know how the darkling actually feels, so being able to see the darkling's actions and motivations through a more objective perspective in the show goes a long way in fleshing out his character. the other part is, of course, ben barnes and the way he highlighted the tragedy in the darkling's story and tried his best to elevate the character above a typical villain, despite the season 2 script doing him no favors. in the books, we only see the darkling through alina's lens so we don't ever truly know how he actually feels about her, but the show makes it very clear that the darkling's feelings for alina are real. maybe it starts out as manipulation, but the power imbalance between them very quickly turns in her favor as it becomes clear that he needs her, desperately, in a way that she doesn't really need him. alina may have felt lonely for 20-some years of her life, but for the darkling, it's been centuries. it's centuries of loss and persecution that have made him who he is, and it's no wonder then that he would be drawn to alina, a literal light in the darkness, and see her as his salvation.

as i mentioned earlier, the show makes their relationship much more one-sided with the darkling refusing to let alina go, even after she hurts him, even as she hates him. in their final confrontation after the fold, he knows she is there to kill him, but when his nichevo'ya has her by the throat, he tries frantically to stop it because in spite of everything he's done, all the atrocities he's committed, the one thing he will never do is kill her. he certainly doesn't deserve a pat on the back for this and his behavior towards her is objectively bad and creepy, but it also shows just how all-consuming his desperation is. after centuries of searching, he has finally found someone who is like him, and he cannot bring himself to give her up, no matter the cost to himself, no matter the cost to her. it's incredibly selfish, but it's also achingly human.

in the books, we don't really see this desperation until the end of ruin and rising when alina loses her power and the darkling realizes that he is now truly alone, that he has no longer has an equal, and alina herself realizes that his pain will be endless. in the show, we see this theme - his desire and his need for her - woven throughout his interactions with alina from the very beginning, culminating with her death at his hands, albeit under very different circumstances than the book.

this is why i say that the books and show complement each other when it comes to darklina - with the books, you see how alina was drawn to the darkling and how she genuinely cared for him in spite of everything, and in the show, you see how the darkling was drawn to alina and how desperate he was to save her from following in his footsteps.

there's even a set of complementary quotes that perfectly encapsulate why this ship is so compelling and why it's so doomed.

in ruin and rising, you have the darkling saying you might make me a better man and alina answering and you might make me a monster.

and in 2x08, you have the darkling saying let me be your monster. let me carry the hatred of this world. who will be there to save you? and alina answering, i will save myself.

the allure of darklina is that it's about finding the one person who makes you feel less alone, the one person who can save you and destroy you in equal measure, the one person who sees and accepts you as you are, even the worst parts of you.

the tragedy of darklina lies with the darkling, because he is driven by pain and loss and the desire to escape both of those things. this is a man who will never allow himself to love someone more than he fears the pain of losing them, and he only allows himself to love alina because he believes he will never lose her to the ravages of time, he only allows himself to love her because he thinks he will be safe from pain with her. now compare him to sankta neyar, another character who has also lived and lost for centuries. as i previously wrote about here, the darkling views love as a weakness while neyar views it as a strength, and it is because of this (and, you know, the atrocities) that he ultimately loses alina. and despite how much alina resists him, the darkling is unable to let her go, unable to stop himself from trying to save her, even when she makes it clear that she does not want or need him to do so. the tragedy of darklina is that this is the only way he knows how to love her.

now, let's look at kanej, which has more than a few similarities with darklina. much like the darkling and alina, kaz and inej also have twin traumas, they also understand each other in a way that no one else does, they have also seen and accepted the worst parts of each other. like calls to like applies to them just as much, and even the r&r quote fits them perfectly as inej does make kaz a better man and kaz does make inej a monster. in six of crows, kaz tells oomen, who stabbed inej, my wraith would counsel mercy but thanks to you, she’s not here to plead your case and in 2x08, we see kaz offering to buy out kesh and any other indentures after inej asked him to consider it in 1x01 (gifset here). and it's kaz who teaches inej to kill, who gives her the tools she needs to survive in the barrel, culminating in her vicious threat to pekka rollins at the end of crooked kingdom and her declaration that they destroy him in 2x03 when she finds out pekka killed kaz's brother.

kanej is such a great foil for darklina because where darklina said you might make me a better man and you might make me a monster, kanej said we will make each other better, and we will be monsters together. kaz and inej each put in the effort to overcome their respective traumas in order to be together and they each do violent, unsavory things in order to protect the other, and despite the fact that both crooked kingdom and 2x08 end with inej leaving, it's clear that the two of them will find their way back to each other in time.

alina doesn't end up making the darkling a better man, though on the show, she does become a monster, for mal by using merzost to bring him back, and for ravka, by using the shadow cut to kill the fjerdan spy. it's a really fitting evolution of her character on the show and the natural progression of her relationship with the darkling, that she would defeat him only to become him in the end.

as i said at the top of this, i don't actively ship darklina, but i am fascinated by the tension and complexity of their relationship and i love how the book canon and show canon build on each other to give us a complete picture of these two individuals who are so similar yet so different at the same time. they're parallel lines who will never cross. they're the sun and moon who can never share the same sky. they're the perfect tragedy.

[flyingpochama948]

So my thoughts about SxSG?

Spoilers under cut

Mostly positive. Clearly, this was fan service with all the little call back to things, like talking about the fake Emerald from SA2 and how Big even notes that the same emerald color was his lucky charm in SA1. The core gameplay is fun...I just don't know how I feel about all of Shadow's upgrades. The first few are fine, but things like Doom Surf and Morph make the game feel awkward. I'm sure 80% of my deaths in the game are a result of Doom Morph shenanigans.

I oddly liked exploring Shadow's white space, which brought back memories to all the Gaia Gates in Sonic Unleashed. It's satisfying to find things. The stages are all gorgeous and dun to play. I think I'm most impressed by Kingdom Valley, how faithful it was to the original while adapting the new mechanics to it. Feels like a real definitive addition. And Rail Canyon, just, *chef's kiss* so nice to have Sonic Heroes satge rep that ISN'T Seaside Hill for once.

This is definitely the most fun I had with a main line Sonic game in a long time. However...I do have my gripes with it.

One is some of the remixes, or lack thereof. With the first generations and even Sonic Colors Ultimate, the original music got fantastic remixes. And here I feel is why I set my expectations high, too high it seems. Don't get me wrong, most are good. But Kingdom Valley doesn't sound much different from the orignial in Act 1. And Supporting Me...while it's mixed nicely, I'm disappointed by the lack of vocals, as I feel they are an important part of the song and why I find it so epic. But the most agregous offense was What I'm Made Of. They changed literally nothing. They tried to pass it off as a new mix as there are some minor differences from the original version, such as a more pronounced baseline, but they ripped it straight from a 2007 soundtrack. But you can't hear much of these differences during the boss battle because the song is nearly drowned out by the action.

Another gripe I have is Sonic Frontiers having a stage representation in Shadow's story despite him not being in that game. I looked into and I'm in agreement with the opinion of it was easier to just reuse assets from the most recent Sonic game than to try to craft a new stage from scrapped that would have been based on an ShTH stage. Yes, the game all about Shadow and Black Doom, it does not in fact have a ShTH stage, and I can't wrap my mind around that decision. I call that laziness. To their credit, they did put each stage song from that game as unlockable BGM, so I think they were aware of this fuck up. But really it wouldn't raise too much of an eyebrow at Chaos Island's inclusion of maybe they had Black Comet as the final stage unstead of... *sigh* Radical Highway yet again. Like I love Radical Highway but it's obvious SEGA is treating it like Shadow's version of Green Hill. I feel it would have been better if it was added as a bonus stage rather than the final.

It's also VERY STRANGE to me that they had a stage from Sonic Forces, but they didn't include a boss fight with Infinite like what?

Okay, I know it looks like my complaints outweigh my compliments but I swear it's unintentional. I just can write down my thoughts with my complaints versus what I love. Cause my love just goes DJFHFHEIIZKDKSKS in my brain lol.

[oliveroctavius]

Did you check out the first issue of the new Ultimate Spider-Man? I'd be curious to see your thoughts

I was planning on letting it pass by me, zen-like. I kind of... disapprove of the entire concept. The more redundant universes Marvel creates (note that I say redundant, in that I like some AUs with recognizably different heroes and story lines) the more it approaches a DC-like level of story fragmentation, where nothing has to matter and everything runs on vibes. Every new restart survives an even shorter amount of time. It's a death spiral.

But alright. I may not know who Hickman is but some other people seem to like him. I'm Charlie Brown, the new title is a football, here's some of the whistling my foot makes as it flies through the air.

First off a disclaimer: comics are into longform storytelling these days, so almost nothing happens in this issue by design. This is a setup, not a story. I can point out some pettier dislikes, but I can't know what might turn out well yet.

I get that this is going to tie in to the Maker, but calling this USM is a bogus decision that is going to cause so much confusion down the line. It's like they didn't want to admit they were setting up yet a third story. See above grouch about redundant universes.

Uncle Ben being alive instead of Aunt May is a hell of a decision. But I like Hell Of A Decisions if they're pulled off with confidence. I miss og USM's ponytailed gentle old hippie Uncle Ben, I admit. He had a surprising amount of characterization, which I always liked about that series.

I... do not get... why they are homewrecking Robbie + JJJ for Ben. Like, I'm kind of offended on Robbie's behalf. og USM already put some of Robbie's plotlines into Ben--I mean, Ben Urich's hands, but this is more based on 616, isn't it? Robertson's personal moral compass and how that interacts with his job and his safety and his journalistic ethics AND his relationship with Jameson's short-sighted tendencies have been the core of his character for 60 years. Could we not think of something new for Uncle Ben to be doing instead of overwriting an existing character relationship and adding next to nothing to it? And Robbie's there and just kind of fine with the Kingpin's proposal as far as we see so far. This is probably my biggest complaint.

The kids could be an interesting element, but we don't really see any of that yet so it's purely potential.

The Harry fans seem to like this new Harold and his visual design so far. I suppose he's not fully flavorless but the flavor that is there is like. Salt and pepper.

MJ could stand to look older and have more characterization but that is not an original observation. Wait, she's definitely based off her 616 self and not her USM self isn't she? God why DID they call this USM, this is a structural publishing nightmare

The Goblin design is what people think the Raimi goblin costume was, which is not exactly a compliment. Also I *know* I'm the Goblin Fan but are there, really no other villains you could think of to open with? No? Is this the only plot point that's ever going to get adapted over and over again? Maybe it will be good and I'll be glad, I think! And then imagine Charlie Brown and the football again.

Another thing that really got me was the churning camera angles on some of the simplest scenes here. I respect the dutch angle hustle, Chechetto, but if I'm feeling seasick while trying to follow a scene where people have a conversation while sitting down then you might want to rethink your strategy.

To misquote Roger Ebert for a second, "the penciler has learned from better comics that artists sometimes tilt their panels, but it seems he has not learned why."

[jeanstapleton]

thots on netero vs meruem

the interesting thing is that it is a lose-lose situation; netero winning means humanity will survive but ultimately nothing will change, while meruem winning means putting the world into the hands of someone whose moral growth was facilitated by the deaths of innocents. netero knows this to a degree, but in a conceited way. he as a human immediately discounts any attempt meruem makes to become more human because he is first and foremost a beast. meruem was born with animal instincts exacerbated by human vice, and it was the terrible ferocity of both those things combined that added to the body count.

sidenote: i don't believe the ants only ate "bad people". their sadism is merely a result of creatures who originally only operated on id being given more headspace to consider the social dynamics of the food chain. it also made them take everything they learned about humanity through books at face value; the process of learning starts inward, so their fates were tragically sealed when their animal minds were combined with that of impressionable newborn babies.

this is what netero can't get past, but not for humanitarian reasons. he's able to look down on meruem with prejudice bc he too is the strongest being in the world -- the strongest Human. meruem isn't human. he could never be. he's a monkey who learned to write shakespeare after banging on the typewriter. netero doesn't see meruem as a tragic victim of nature vs nurture; he sees him as a threat to his image. I don't even think the minutiae of the genocide registers as a blip in his head. all he's worried about is that the monster wants to be treated as an equal. the monster wants a name. how funny. lets dangle that in his face.

the decision to include the scene where the government guy is on the phone with netero & he slams the window to shoo away a ladybug without a second thought is so good & so necessary in understanding this. meruem isn't tragic because he could have "turned good"; there was far too much senseless bloodshed that led to him having that revelation in the first place. he's a tragic character Because this growth has technically made the most human of all the ants. there is a kind of privilege that comes with being the apex predator of the world, something netero is also very familiar with, and that's one of the reasons why he scoffs at meruem. they're in the same boat.

what adds to the tragedy is that netero's lived almost two whole lifetimes flaunting this selfishness. I don't think he's ever considered himself a man of the people or a leader of any kind, bc that would take real conviction. the hunters association is wordlessly represented with a sort of "the boys"-esque elitism in that the world governments literally depend on them to do everything bc they know no one can stand up to them. netero wholly enjoys everything about that privilege. yes he worked hard to be as powerful as he is but there's a reason why the story primarily presents him as Strongest Man Alive & nothing else in the vein of humanitarianism. meanwhile, meruem is barely six weeks old & genuinely wants to change despite everything he & his siblings have done. its not enough, but it absolutely matters that the desire was there. the love was there it didn't save anything etc etc. it's the clash of two kings in the realest sense. they come first, people come second.

[orionsangel86]

Excellent additions and also adding @hellfridge 's tags because they are also excellent:

I am a little bit obsessed with this change to the comics. I agree it hasnt been mentioned too much in fandom (perhaps out of fear of raising hopes?) But I did briefly discuss the change in this meta post i wrote a while back because I agree. However we interpret

*SPOILER ALERT*

Dream's death in the comics, I think we can agree that if he did make a decision, consciously or unconsciously, to end his life, it started at the end of The Sound Of Her Wings. If we go the suicide interpretation, comic!Dream found his peace again upon contemplating Death - and a way out - so that when we get to later story arcs, events are set in motion that will ultimately lead to The Kindly Ones.

The show does away with that moment. This hugely important moment in the comic:

This moment is so significant in the comic. Yet it isn't in the show at all. Why would they remove such a key moment that is widely considered to be the starting point of all events leading to the tragic ending?!

Unless you intend to change that ending.

Because instead of that moment, we get this:

I view Death and Hob in this episode as a two sided coin. Death on one side, and Hob representing life and the joy of living on the other. Its symbolically perfect. So then by placing these stories side by side, we have Dream choosing to return to life rather than contemplating his death.

Men of Good Fortune is not given anywhere near the same weight in the comics as The Sound Of Her Wings. It sits in the Dolls House story as an indication of Dream's changing views, his growing love and respect for humanity which leads to him hesistating in killing Rose and therefore giving Unity time to save them both.

The show instead puts so much weight and significance into Hob's place in the story. It directly ties Hob to Dream's emotional arc in a much deeper way that the comics ever suggest, and THAT my friend, is everything.

So whether people wanna ship Dreamling or not, they can't be denying that at least in show canon, Hob is symbolically important to Dream's journey. How far they decide to take it, how far they decide to change things, that remains to be seen. But they have already built new foundations, laid down new paths, and rewritten Destiny's book in some pretty damn significant ways.

I'm sorry but why do you ship them so hard? They just have 1 episode together.. I watched the sandman expecting destiel and it was literally almost nothing there. 1 episode. Idk how you guys got so much ship content out of that.

Ah nonny, I'm sorry but if you go into anything expecting Destiel you are gonna be dissappointed. Destiel is a behemouth of 12 years worth of gradually escalating gay subtext, queer coding, and romantic tropes. Destiel is the ship that people go into expecting that Tumblr exaggerated only to be blown away by how ridiculously gay it is even when it tries so hard not to be.

But remember, once upon a time people shipped Destiel after only a few moments of interaction. The first Destiel fic was written 30 minutes after Lazarus Rising aired...everything has its time.

When I joked that Dreamling was the "Destiel of Sandman fandom" I meant in terms of popularity compared to everything else about the show. The ships share some similar traits when compared on a grand scale - think ancient cosmic entity that has very strict rules slowly changes and starts to become more "human" thanks to their friendship with one dude who just so happens to be a hedonistic stubborn ass who refuses to die - but are otherwise very different.

But if you are wondering why people ship Dream and Hob so hard, well, this post goes some ways to explaining it.

But basically, look this may only be a half hour of television, but it doesn't equate in universe to half an hour of interaction. This half hour of television spans the course of 6 centuries for these two characters. There is a totally untapped potential hidden in the gaps between centuries to explore, and on top of that, the final meeting is left completely up to the imagination of the audience. Its a sandbox ship. Its a dozen fanfiction gaps laid on top of each other. It's at least 20 different prompts for fans to sink their teeth into. Its the potential. It's the what if.

Then on top of that, if you follow the comics, you know that the future Dream x Hob meetings also have a hell of a lot of potential to turn romantic. Dream going out of his way to hunt down a specific bottle of wine that doesn't exist on Earth anymore to gift it to Hob in his dreams, the very fact that he visits Hob in his dreams (hello common Destiel trope right there). They don't meet too many more times in the comics, but each time the tension is palpable. The meeting in the Kindly Ones is heartbreaking, because you can tell desperately how much they need each other at that moment, but they are both too distracted or consumed by grief and depression to truly reach out to one another. The comics never reveal why Dream sought Hob out at that point, but given everything happening to him at the time, its not hard to assume that Dream was seeking comfort from his friend - the only person he could really turn to for comfort at that point.

Then we have Hob's dream. One of the final stories in The Sandman original comic run. After everything else has happened, after the climax and all that takes place, after the smoke has cleared and you think everyone else has moved on and you are certain the ending is set in stone, you get to Hob's dream, and your mind is once again blown, and suddenly you have a thousand more questions. So many fans hopes and dreams rely on Hob's dream right now I can't even begin to express how important that particular comic issue is to me.

It's all about the potential. There is so much potential.

Plus the 30 minute scene we got was loaded full of subtext, romantic tropes, and queer coding. I dunno if you picked up on it, but I have an extremely long meta essay still in the works that goes through everything that 30 minute sequence gives us in terms of shipping fodder (I really need to finish that). Its not just the romantic tropes, the break up and make up, its the acting choices, the eye fucking, the freaking song choices in 1989 holy fuck could they be more on the nose.

Also, consider this thought experiment: Crowley and Aziraphale in Good Omens are a hugely popular ship, where their creator Neil Gaiman has confirmed that theirs is a love story. Whatever else you may believe about Crowley and Aziraphale, their story is a love story. Creator confirmed love story.

Now, Crowley and Aziraphale are the leads of Good Omens and interact throughout the entire 6 episode show. But consider the first half of episode 3. Imagine a version of Good Omens where Crowley and Aziraphale don't really interact outside of that 30 minute opening sequence. That the story was much more focused on the Them, the Horsemen, and the other characters. Imagine then seeing that 30 minute sequence which shows Crowley and Aziraphale slowly warming to each other and becoming friends over the centuries, shows them getting to know each other, do each other favours, come to each others defence, get into fights and break up with each other, only to make up later...

Would you still ship them? Even if that 30 minute sequence was all you got? I guarantee if I asked any Ineffable Husbands fan that question they would say yes. Because THAT 30 minute sequence is what solidifies the importance of their relationship and its what MAKES IT a love story.

Guess where Neil Gaiman got the idea for that 30 minute sequence in Good Omens from? Ah Neil, plagiarising his own work all these years later!

If Neil Gaiman thought that Men of Good Fortune would work well for a canonical love story in Good Omens, I wonder what he was thinking when he then adapted Men of Good Fortune for television?

THE POTENTIAL.

I ship Dreamling that hard because it has more potential than any other ship I have come across. It has 6 centuries and all the future of the Sandman show for me to explore, to tweak, to play with. Besides they just suit each other ya know? Like Dream is notoriously bad at relationships, but Hob is literally perfect for him. The more my mind dwells on how perfect Hob is for Dream the more I want to scream about it. Give the sad wet cat man a boyfriend who is literally his opposite in every way. Dream is a character looking for a reason to keep living, and Hob is a character who refuses to die. Dream is a pessimist, Hob is an optimist. Dream is afraid of change, Hob literally changes constantly with the times. Dream is desperate for love and someone to stay by his side, Hob just wants to love someone he doesn't have to eventually leave.

Let them meet in the middle.

[see-arcane]

Antlers Holst was Jupe’s Equal Opposite (and Just as Selfish in the End)

I’ve had time to sit and digest this awhile. I think Antlers Holst was almost as much of an accidental villain/anti-villain as Jupe. He’s just standing on the opposite end of the ‘spectacle’ spectrum. Where Jupe skipped the lesson he should have picked up as a child and twisted his trauma and hunger for fame into the vehicle for exploiting Jean Jacket and ultimately setting off a nightmarish demise for him, his family, and audience, Antlers’ last minute sabotage of the ‘impossible shot’ takes a hard swerve in the other direction—and it’s exactly as selfish as Jupe’s motives.

Because all we know of Antlers is that he’s a jaded artist striving for his own meaningful work to counterbalance the commercial cinematography he grudgingly does for the money. For whatever reason, his history and personal view has made him view the public as ‘unworthy’ of the impossible, and himself as some auteur-martyr for depriving them of it and letting himself be an Ahab who lets his white whale kill him. Is it a depressing scene of self-destruction, added to the horror factor of this man clearly having no idea what kind of torture is waiting for him in JJ’s guts? Yes.

Is it also a microcosm of the whole issue surrounding who got the real credit and attention for the Muybridge clip? Also yes.

Because just like Muybridge, Antlers turned the capture of Jean Jacket’s image into a personal project—his masterpiece. But what did he actually do? He slapped together a reel camera and sat under a tarp.

Meanwhile, Em and Angel arranged the tube men across the gulch and set up surveillance while OJ did the teeny tiny little task of, you know, going out on horseback to lure, race, and (hopefully! Because they did not know if it would work!!) scare the giant carnivorous UFO out of trying to eat him and his horse alive.

The Haywood crew were doing 99% of the work—with OJ taking on 99.99% of the pants-shittingly terrifying risk—and all Antlers does is turn a crank and follow the action. And not just for the ‘money and fame’ Antlers the Artist disdains. Angel points it out at dinner; this is meant to help others. This is going to prove to the world that there’s a huge lethal threat to every living thing on the planet and if the information doesn’t get out? There’s no telling how many would get Roomba’d to death as a result.

Which Antlers Holst clearly, bull-headedly ignores. He still thinks he’s the grizzled and noble misanthropist who knows better~

But he isn’t. This isn’t a commercial, this isn’t art, this isn’t betraying a noble beast.

Right now? He’s supposed to be a journalist. The kind of person who works with a team under fire, making sure important events are documented and delivered to the world at large so it brings attention to something that needs to be learned about. That’s not spectacle! That’s tapping humanity on the shoulder to say, ‘Hey, thought you should know the sky can’t be trusted and there’s a cloud coming to eat you.’

Which isn’t enough to dislodge Holst from his decision to fuck over and endanger his team who had worked so hard, been through so much, and now have to deal with the fallout of his suicidal bout of artistic huffiness. He’s an amazing stand-in for the penchant of one person shouldering all the accolades for collaborative creative works, because they’re the ones who get to stick their name on the finished product.

Silver lining? Antlers also seemed to forget JJ’s little rule about never digesting inorganic material. There’s a good chance that his camera and the film might just be intact when they find Jean Jacket’s remains.

Guess whose names are going on the impossible shot now, buddy?