#his commentary of the episodes are hilarious and so amusing to read

[noahtally-famous]

mission to get jas to start watching total drama: successful--in fact, exceeding expectations

[halliescomut]

KP Week 2022- Day 2: Favorite Episode

So, I did spoil this a bit with a previous post, it was 2 am my time....so IDK know who saw that. I apologize for my poor quality gifs, but I talk a lot about the acting, so I wanted visuals. Any gifs not made by me are credited with the gif. So here we go!

My favorite episode is the second one.

It might be a bit controversial, and I'm by no means saying it's the best one, but I do think there's a lot of good moments to be had. Like, I love the amount of levity in the episode, but there's also some pretty crucial world 'build'ing happening (pun intended). I love Porsche's response to everything that's happening, it's very realistic and gives more dimension to his character. Like, he doesn't want this, and his reflex to escape this new job he hates is to kind of be as bad at it as possible, both intentionally and unintentionally. I also love to the introduction of more characters, Pete especially, because I truly adore him. By the end of the episode we've been introduced to almost every character of importance (if memory serves the only person we have yet to meet is Kim).

You see a lot more of the interactions between equals, so not just a Theerapanyakun who's in charge of whatever space they're in, interacting with those of 'lower status', but far more peer interaction. We start out with Porsche's introduction to the other bodyguards, where there's a great deal of antagonism, some of which is a test/hazing, but clearly from some there's more personal reasons *cough* Big *cough*. We also get more Daddy Chan (TM), which is greatly appreciated. (gifs from Homiesexual Solidarity and you know why they're here)

Pete's introduction is such a delight, and upon re-watch, when you know where his story is going, is also a very interesting choice. (gif from Rainbow Press)

He's meant to be a bridge for both the audience and Porsche when it comes to understanding the mafia world, and what his expectations should be. We also get a lot of interaction between Porsche and other staff, and while we rarely see the Theerapanyakun family be rude to any of their domestic staff, Porsche very specifically is very respectful. He's not there to fuck up anyone else's livelihood.

Our next big scene is the shooting range, where Kinn and Porsche's power struggle becomes the front and center story. It's hilarious, because of the 'wasabi prank', but the undercurrents there are very telling. The reality is that Kinn and Porsche have both had to be the responsible ones for most of their lives, and not even just their adult lives. We can hazard a guess that Kinn was likely still a teenager when it became clear that Tankhun was not going to be the next head of the major family. So while Porsche sees them both as equals, Kinn is consistently trying to push him, force him into a place of subservience, and he's fighting it hard. (You can visit Lutawolf's page for more direct commentary on their power dynamic in regards to their romantic/sexual relationship.) The apple scene is worth several re-watches, because the acting there is top notch. Kinn's actions demanding that Porsche submit/trust him, because he's due it based on his position. But Porsche has never really been able to trust (read also: rely on) anyone and why on earth would he put that trust in Kinn so easily? (vid from creepymoony)

He knows better than to show weakness in front of Kinn, but he's not been raised to hide his feelings or thoughts, and so eventually those feelings break out. For all of his work hiding things from Porchay as best he can, he really does not have a high level of emotional control (which is also well shown through this episode) but his show of control here rather than allowing Kinn to see any weakness or fear is very well done by Apo and very much in character, since Porsche does seem to generally be a fake it 'til you make type of person.

The training montage is amusing, but very good world building for the show, as we both get to see Porsche show his skills and demonstrate his determination to prove himself. Porsche takes a great deal of pride in his skills, and he's competitive. He may not take every part of the training seriously, but we do see him actively working when it comes to the physical skills of being a bodyguard. This set of scenes also enables us to more fully understand the expectations that are placed on all of the bodyguards. They're all shown as competent before we get into the more frivolous activities of Tankhun.

I have quite a few problem with the fallout from Elizabeth and Sebastian's unfortunate passing, because the reality is I was raised in a lower class household, and I very much hate the decision of Tankhun to humiliate Porsche as punishment. The whole scene makes me incredibly uncomfortable, so much so that I can't even enjoy Porsche in his mermaid outfit, which is unfortunate.

I understand Tankhun being upset, but I do also think that they give him a lot of leeway in his behavior that's honestly probably not healthy for him. (I also don't fully buy into Tankhun's 'crazy', I do think at least part of it is an act.) I do think that Kinn 'rescuing' Porsche is an important stepping stone in their relationship. I definitely see some discomfort in Kinn's face during the scene, but he knows how to handle Tankhun efficiently, which is important here. He's kind of ripping the band aid off as quickly as possible, but there's still some pain there.

The suit scene is fascinating to me, because we know there's a draw for Kinn that's throwing him off with Porsche. But this glimpse into Porsche recognizing this connection is very interesting. Porsche knows when someone is attracted to him. The man is a hoe (affectionate) and very emotionally intelligent, he's not missing those cues from Kinn. (Image credit to thetheea-rossa)

But they're both fighting that physical attraction because they don't like it each other personally. They both feel the other doesn't respect them, but they are coming to that conclusion from their own disparate experiences, which are expertly expressed by this tumblr post:

Then this happens, which is one of the best things I've ever seen, and the comparison to Miss Congeniality that I saw will live in my mind forever. (Gif credit to: Ai Kinn)

The launch party is an entire clusterfuck, Porsche is back intentionally making bad decisions out of spite, which does backfire wildly. Anyone who's worked a service job that they hated truly understands this desire to be so absolutely crap at that their job to the point that they get fired, but Porsche is forgetting a key component here, which is that the mafia doesn't 'let people go'. His reaction to recognizing the consequences of his bad decision are also very clear. Porsche doesn't want to be there, but he also doesn't want Kinn to get hurt. It's not Porsche's intention, and he truly does feel guilt about it, but his stubbornness is still firmly guiding a lot of his decisions. We see fairly regularly through the series that Porsche isn't necessarily a long-term thinker. (Personally I think that meant to set him apart from Korn and his chess game.)

Our final scenes introduce the minor family. We meet Vegas (sort of) and get confirmation regarding at least one person who's making active attempts on Kinn's life. The conversation with Fancy Lady Assassin does show that it may more accurately have been an intelligence gathering mission. I really read that scene to show that her actually succeeding in killing Kinn would have been a bonus, but wasn't necessarily the true objective, at least for Vegas.

And then we meet Gun and Macau as well, see the dynamic both personally and professionally between the major and minor families. Kinn truly makes some intentions clear, though not maybe entirely purposefully here. Kinn choking Porsche and the reactions we see from Korn and the minor family are very telling, especially upon re-watch with more context. On Kinn's part, he's clearly intending it to be a show of strength, one more example of him being willing to get his hands dirty as it were, which is something that the minor family insinuates he's not willing to do. But we also start to see suspicion on the part of Vegas and Gun. The minor family is shown to treat their bodyguards and staff more casually, but they also seem far more willing to sacrifice them, so Kinn making the decision to protect Porsche here is an interesting tidbit for them. Korn's decision NOT to be the decision maker here is another telling moment, clearly causing more suspicion in Gun. Gun's probably thinking why are you protecting this stranger? For myself, Korn is being manipulative as always, and he's watching Kinn fall in line to what he wants, at least for now, so what reason would he have to interfere. Depending on what you think Korn's endgame is, this can indicate anything, really. I'm not entirely sure it's a case of 'I just want to protect and care for my adoptive sister's son' though.

But just watch y'all. The depth you can read from this, especially on a re-watch:

Pete finally getting through to Porsche, getting him to understand exactly how close things were to definitely not going his way. And he manages to include just little bit of more info about Kinn and his motivations. Kinn is clearly liked by the people that work for him. For pretty much every interaction you see, there's respect and deference for Kinn, but not fear. And outside of Porsche, you don't see Kinn intimidating or even being rude to any of the employees around the compound.

The apology scene is really interesting to watch, as you see ACTUAL COMMUNICATION between Kinn and Porsche. Up to this point they've both been playing a role, but here there's a genuine inquiry from each of them. "Is this the real you?"

Here they're both on equal footing because they're alone, they both know that there's a persona they're projecting out of necessity, and they both want to see behind those personas. But there's still hesitation because of the lack of trust. And it becomes a bit of a vicious circle, because without taking a risk and being truly honest, even in small ways, they can't build any trust.

Porsche get traded to Tankhun for Pete, which isn't really much of anything, but it's clear that Kinn does see this as a a sort of punishment, though a very lenient one. But I will say, I don't think that Kinn would have made the trade if he didn't actually trust Porsche to protect his brother. Kinn's a deeply caring person, we do see the expressed regularly in the series, so we can extrapolate that he truly loves his siblings, and he certainly wouldn't make a choice that he thought would put Tankhun at risk.

Our final scene of the episode is a juicy one. we have Gun recalling a conversation earlier in the day with Korn, clearly trying to get even the smallest bit of information about Porsche, after the meeting/choking. His spidey-sense are all a-tingle, and he knows there's something deeper going on. He gets nothing more than confirmation that there's definitely something going on and put Vegas in charge of looking into it.

Re-watching this scene multiple times, I got say I'm fascinated by the relationship there, because Gun is a terrible father, truly, but he trusts Vegas more than ANYONE just because Vegas is his son (I'm assuming that's his reason). But he has a direct familial relationship with Korn and he wouldn't trust that man as far as he could throw him. Like, it's not a blind faith in Vegas, but Vegas' loyalty is never questioned by Gun, even when Gun's motives are question by Vegas. Simply fascinating.

I really like this choice as a final scene, because it sets us up as the viewer to know that there's definitely more secrets in that house than there are guns, and it also gives us a heads up that there's going to be a hidden motive when it comes to anything Vegas does in the coming episodes. It's just some really engaging storytelling, you know?

But anyway, we'll consider those my final thoughts. FYI, this post is over 2,000 words, I was not kidding when I said I put more into it than some of my college level papers. Also, it might have been longer, but my browser crashed as I was finishing everything out and adding the gifs, and so some of my thoughts have been lost to the sands of time and the whims of Google Chrome. If you actually read this whole thing...here's some behind the scenes wet Mile (courtesy of daikunart). Thanks.

[strangepeacewasteland]

Exploring Hilarious Anime Comedy: A Blend of Laughter and Entertainment

Anime, the vibrant and diverse world of Japanese animation, encompasses various genres that cater to a wide range of audiences. Among these genres, comedy holds a special place, providing viewers with moments of laughter, amusement, and light-hearted entertainment. Comedic anime series often utilize witty dialogues, absurd situations, and clever visual gags to tickle the audience's funny bone. This article delves into the realm of hilarious anime comedy, showcasing some notable examples that have successfully brought laughter to millions of fans worldwide.

The Essence of Anime Comedy

Comedy is a universal language that transcends cultural barriers, and anime comedy is no exception. The genre can take various forms, from slapstick humor to satirical social commentary. It thrives on exaggeration, unexpected twists, and relatable characters placed in comically outrageous situations. Anime comedies often exploit cultural nuances and references, making them a unique blend of humor that resonates with both Japanese and international audiences.

Notable Examples of Hilarious Anime Comedy

"Gintama" "Gintama" is renowned for its irreverent humor, anachronistic setting, and eccentric characters. Set in an alternate-history Edo period where aliens have invaded and taken over feudal Japan, the series follows the misadventures of Gintoki Sakata, a lazy samurai-for-hire, and his quirky companions. The show's self-awareness, parodies of other anime and pop culture, and the seamless blending of comedy and drama contribute to its comedic brilliance.

"One Punch Man" "One Punch Man" flips the superhero genre on its head with its protagonist, Saitama, who can defeat any opponent with a single punch. The comedy arises from the stark contrast between Saitama's overwhelming power and his lack of excitement due to the absence of challenging fights. The series is filled with epic battles, absurd villains, and Saitama's deadpan reactions to the chaos around him.

"Nichijou" (My Ordinary Life) "Nichijou" captures the everyday lives of a group of high school girls in a hilariously exaggerated manner. The show employs surreal visual gags and absurd situations, such as a deer attending school or a girl engaging in epic battles with household items. The juxtaposition of mundane settings and extraordinary occurrences contributes to the show's unique brand of comedy.

"Konosuba: God's Blessing on This Wonderful World!" This isekai comedy follows Kazuma Sato, who dies in a comically embarrassing way and is offered the chance to be reborn in a fantasy world. He forms a dysfunctional party with equally flawed adventurers, leading to a series of comedic misadventures. The show thrives on character dynamics, witty banter, and the characters' hilarious flaws.

Hilarious anime comedies offer a delightful escape from reality, providing a good dose of laughter and entertainment for viewers of all ages. Through their clever writing, eccentric characters, and creative use of visual gags, these shows create memorable moments that stay with audiences long after the episodes end. Whether it's the absurdity of "Gintama," the unconventional hero of "One Punch Man," the surreal occurrences of "Nichijou," or the quirky adventurers of "Konosuba," anime comedy continues to captivate and charm fans around the world. So, if you're in need of a hearty laugh, dive into the vibrant world of anime comedy and let the giggles commence! read : anime and otaku

[vacantgodling]

2022 Year in Review Tag!

thanks so much @magic-is-something-we-create i feel like this year has been a huge jumble ngl but let’s be positive about it lol :’)

also this is just a general list not top 5 cuz i didn’t do much this year

5 movies i watched

in terms of new movies:

american psycho — i actually enjoyed this movie a lot but it’s genuinely bc this movie is much funnier than i thought it would be. all deeper meanings and commentary aside patrick bateman is a fucking specimen

kwaidan — obsessed with this movie ngl. the first three segments are top tier (kurokami, yukionna & HOICHI THE EARLESS ESPECIALLY IF YOU WATCH NO OTHER PART PLEASE WATCH THIS ONE I CANNOT PRAISE IT ENOUGH). however the last one was super lackluster in comparison to the other three. tbh i feel like if the last one was the first one it would be a really good progression from okay to the best bc you really can’t follow hoichi the earless with anything imo.

tales from crypt (1972) — watched a lot of old horror this year (bc my partner is a horror movie buff and has been getting me into them for awhile now lolol) but this movie was a lot of fun! i want more ridiculous anthologies and movies tbh. make movies fun again tm.

jeepers creepers — never seen it before and MY GOD was screaming the whole time i was watching bc no?? we do not need to investigate you KNOW it’s a creature. all of this might’ve been avoided if y’all just minded your damn business 😔

then off the top of my head i rewatched my comfort movie sherlock holmes bc fuck iron man, rdj’s sherlock is his best role to me. i definitely wanna watch more movies next year.

5 shows i watched

ah i mostly just watched anime this year

chainsaw man — stressed. everyone is sketchy and i’m stressed

rewatch of demon slayer with my friend bc demon slayer is the only thing that matters :) finally have hulu so i can fucking watch season 2 i just haven’t gotten around to it yet 😭

way of the househusband — finally got around to watching the anime this year and just as the manga, it’s perfect

jujutsu kaisen — i love it but at what cost. also i’m a simp for nanami oof

death parade / nana — i’ve only watched the first episodes of each but nana stresses me out (lovingly) and i think death parade is fascinating i just need to make more time to watch shit lol

5 songs of 2022 (*separate from spotify wrapped*)

odo — ado -> got introduced to this song recently and just absolutely obsessed with it. it’s the song that may be sparking a change in one of my wips that i mentioned lol

devil — max changmin -> came out in january and this song owns the whole fucking year idc idc idc

go back — se so neon -> UGH THIS BAND their songs slap so hard but go back is genuinely just so good

濁 (daku) — the gazette -> this whole album. but i want this song directly injected into my veins.

better — boa -> CRACK. THERES CRACK IN THIS SONG. but boa >>>>>>

5 albums or artists of 2022

i don’t have 5 but these three specifically:

devil (the 2nd mini album) — max changmin -> this album owns my ass. cannot believe he started the year like this. how fucking dare lol.

the gazette, always my beloveds

lowlife princess: noir — bibi -> she snapped with this one. every song and mv snapped. bibi vengence & animal farm especially

5 books i read

definitely didn’t read 5 books lol didn’t have time or space mentally. however i will say i started to read bram stoker’s dracula this year, got stuck on the part about paprika, thought it was hilarious and never finished chapter 1. it’s super good from the bit i read so far, i’m just easily amused and don’t have patience 😔

5 characters from media

nanami (jjk) — feral about a man a single man

like everyone in demon slayer but tanjiro komado my fucking BELOVED 😭

hanzo (ovw) — 6 years strong obsessing over this man pff

link — i am once again pointing at my botw self insert au side blog lmaoooo

gojo / rengoku share a spot only bc i love them but ow pain :)

sorry i don’t listen to podcasts lol

and finally

5 positive things that happened in 2022 no matter how small:

got conveyor belt sushi for the first time! i wish it was closer by but maybe it’s better i’d be there every day

created a new writeblr so i could start getting more confident talking about my stories. i think it’s marginally worked! i’m working on myself still but i feel like i’ve been more open and indulgent this year

5 years with my partner!

had a pretty good birthday for the first time in years

despite the struggles working from home has done a lot for my mental health and i want to try and secure another wfh job in the future.

this is an open tag! i hope everyone had a decent year to some extent 💛

[commentaryvorg]

Digimon Data Squad Dub Comparison Episode 8 - The Singer’s Secret

This is a companion to my commentary on the original Japanese Digimon Savers! Reading my commentary on the original version of this episode (which you can find here) is recommended before reading this dub comparison. 

Original name ~ Dubbed name

Masaru Daimon ~ Marcus Damon

Yoshino Fujieda ~ Yoshino “Yoshi” Fujieda

Tohma H. Norstein ~ Thomas H. Norstein

Chika Daimon ~ Kristy Damon

Captain Rentarou Satsuma ~ Commander Richard Sampson

Hitoshi “Neon” Hanamura ~ Neon

[Since several characters share the same name between the original and the dub, quotes from the dub will always be in italics, while quotes from the original will not, in order to distinguish them.]

Since the dub constantly varies which character reads out the title card for each episode, I have to side-eye the fact that it’s Marcus and not Yoshi reading out the title card for Yoshi’s episode.

Marcus: “And now it’s eatin’ time!”

I am amused by the variation on Marcus’s “it’s fightin’ time” catchphrase. Gotta find something to replace the very-Japanese itadakimasu, and this sounds less awkward than a lot of things would in a very dorkily Marcus way.

Reporter:  “We won’t name names, but only because we haven’t discovered who she is… *yet*.”

The dub appears to be leaning into the seediness of this whole gossip thing even more than the original, which I guess is fair, since it was already pretty seedy to begin with.

Megumi:  “What’s the meaning of this?”

Miki:  “How did you, the meekest of us all among DATS members…”

Megumi:  “…Manage to snag Hanamura Neon?”

~~~~~

Megumi: “You’re dating Neon?!”

Miki: “That ring a bell, Miss Keep-Secrets-From-Her-Friends?”

Megumi:  “We read all about it in the newspaper!”

I actually somewhat prefer Megumi and Miki’s angle in the dub. Instead of being jealous and putting her down as if she doesn’t deserve to date a celebrity because she’s too “meek” or whatever, they only appear to be upset that she didn’t tell them this because they consider themselves someone she’d share this sort of thing with. (Whether they actually are that is another matter; Yoshi never seems especially close with these two. But at least that is a less tiresomely misogynistic thing for them to be being unreasonable about.)

Megumi:  “We’ve been getting phone calls one after another since morning!”

Miki:  “We’re also getting loads of hate mail from Neon’s fans!”

Megumi:  “They’re demanding to know who Fujieda Yoshino thinks she is!”

~~~~~

Megumi: “We’ve been getting phone calls all morning long asking for Yoshi to give interviews!”

Miki:  “Not to mention the mail from Neon’s fans. My papercuts have papercuts!”

Megumi: “Everyone wants to know who ‘Yoshi’ is!”

Neon’s other fans are also apparently being a little more reasonable in the dub. Rather than being jealous and hateful (“who she thinks she is” very much carries connotations of them acting like she’s too ordinary to deserve to date a celebrity), they instead seem to be suddenly treating Yoshi like a celebrity as well. Even though jealousy and hate is definitely the way a fanbase would be likely to act to something like this in real life, I do not mind at all that the dub is toning this part down.

Yoshi: “…and I wore a hat. That’s a foolproof disguise!”

Apparently Yoshi subscribes to superhero universe logic if she believed that that was ever going to work. She had a hat and sunglasses; totally couldn’t have possibly been recognised.

Thomas then pulls up the photo that was taken of Yoshi after she took her hat and sunglasses off, amusingly implying that that’s the only reason she got busted and she totally would have been fine otherwise.

Thomas: “Your name, phone number, even your favourite music… Hmm, showtunes.”

Based on his tone, Thomas appears to be judging Yoshi for her taste in music, which doesn’t really seem like the kind of thing he would do. The dub just threw in that quick gag without thinking about if it fit the character.

Also, if, according to the dub, the information published about her included her phone number, why isn’t Yoshi herself the one getting all the phone calls and not her workplace? The dub does not mention her workplace being one of the details that was made public about her, so why Miki and Megumi have been swamped with letters and phone calls about this is a mystery.

Agumon:  “What’s an undercover investigation?”

~~~~~

Agumon: “Under what cover?”

Oh hey, dub, remember how Agumon shouldn’t know a whole bunch of human terms because he only recently came into the human world? And hey, look, you can make jokes with that, too, rather than making jokes with things that it doesn’t make any sense for Agumon to be saying!

Tohma:  “So if we carelessly break in, we’ll be kicked out before we know it.”

~~~~~

Thomas:  “So if we rush in, the Digimon will know that we’re after him.”

Gaomon: “And he’ll run.”

The dub actually gives a much better excuse for why the building’s hi-tech security system means they can’t just rush in: not because the security guards will kick them out, since they should be able to pull DATS authority on that, but rather because it’ll alert Keramon than they’re coming. Good job, dub, fixing a plot hole!

Unfortunately, despite the dub’s attempts to remove Miki and Megumi’s jealousy of Yoshi and turn it into them just having wanted the gossip, which I appreciated, the dub can’t really change the part where they jealously complain that they weren’t the ones to get to (fake) date Neon. Their animations for that are too extreme to really be interpreted as anything else.

Yoshino:  “Neon is my childhood friend.”

~~~~~

Yoshi:  “I knew Neon when we were children.”

Yoshi doesn’t mention the fact that he was specifically her friend. Their conversation later in the episode is still going to clearly establish that they were indeed on friendly terms back then, but I feel it’s a bit of a shame that their friendship isn’t something Yoshi outright mentions here. Her friendship with him is obviously quite important to her and to how she approaches investigating him; it makes sense that she’d want to bring it up.

Yoshino:  “He’s completely different than before. He was shorter than me, and he was fat. When he debuted, I didn’t recognise him at all.”

~~~~~

Yoshi: “He’s so different than he used to be. He was just a shy little boy back then. I would never have guessed that he’d become such a success story.”

I am very disappointed at the dub leaving out the part where he used to be fat, because that’s an important detail that makes it significantly easier to imagine that he was probably bullied back then. Yoshi doesn’t mention that she literally didn’t even recognise him as a singer, either. The dub’s take on this is focused more on his personality and less on his image.

Under normal circumstances, that shift in focus might be a good thing, but in this particular context, image is an even more relevant thing in the celebrity world than personality is. And image also tends to be more important in terms of how likely a kid is to be bullied. This is watering down the interesting parts of Neon’s character and it makes me sad.

Yoshino:  “Hitoshi!”

~~~~~

Yoshi: “Hi, Neon!”

Another very significant change: apparently, Neon just is his real name in the dub? Or, if it’s a stage name, Yoshi doesn’t care and is happy to call him by that rather than by whatever name she knew him by as a kid. Neon having an ordinary real name and Yoshino insisting on using it (and him not liking her doing so in public) was a neat aspect of the original that helped showcase the vast contrast between who he used to be and who he is today – again, kind of the whole point of Neon’s character – so I’m very sad that the dub loses this, too.

(The dub also hasn’t mentioned his surname and just calls him “Neon” at all times. Which really doesn’t actually matter at all, because the connotations of the surname Hanamura that I talked about in the original post would obviously be lost on a Western audience (unless they changed his surname to a Western one with similar connotations – now there’d be an actual reason to give a Japanese character a Western name, for once!). But I am disappointed about it for a very silly reason anyway, because Neon’s English voice actor happens to also voice one of those other Hanamuras that I mentioned in that post (who incidentally happens to be one of my favourite fictional characters, which is probably the only reason I care about this), and it would have been a hilarious coincidence for him to have voiced two Hanamuras. He still sort of did anyway, but only sort of.)

Neon:  “I told you not to call me by my real name.”

Yoshino:  “What does it matter?”

Neon:  “You haven’t changed at all.”

~~~~~

Neon: “Hey, wanna blow off work and come to the beach with me?”

Yoshi: “Sorry, I can’t. Too much to do.”

Neon:  “Oh well, I guess it’s your loss then.”

Because Neon doesn’t have an ordinary real name in the dub, we also lose the exchange that told us some interesting things about Yoshino and Neon’s characters and how they see each other and their relationship, replaced with completely meaningless fluff. (Inviting her to blow off work and come to the beach with him is a significantly more usually-romantically-coded thing than anything else they actually do in the episode.)

Masaru:  “Is this really a mission?”

~~~~~

Marcus: “You do know this guy’s a criminal.”

Miki & Megumi: “Alleged criminal!”

Marcus: “Gimme a break!”

Instead of being exasperated by relationship nonsense, Marcus is instead really sure already that Neon’s a criminal and writing him off as not worthy of respect as a result. Miki and Megumi are being totally reasonable to point out that it’s only allegedly for now.

Masaru:  “But Yoshino…”

~~~~~

Marcus: “Yoshi, he’s hiding a Digimon.”

Marcus is way more sure and making a much bigger point of this than Masaru.

(Masaru may have already basically decided as well that Neon’s probably the culprit, but even if he had, I don’t think he’d really have cared. He’s not here for the crime-solving and human-focused side of things – so long as he gets to fight that Digimon, that’s all that matters to him!)

Yoshi and Neon have basically the same conversation about carrots as in the original, but it doesn’t have quite the same meaning without the detail that Neon used to be fat, implying that Yoshino was probably encouraging him to eat them to try and help him lose weight.

Yoshino:  “I was exercising parental love because I wanted you to eat healthy and get bigger.”

~~~~~

Yoshi: “Hey, I was just making sure you grew up big and strong by eating your veggies!”

The one real difference here is the lack of her mentioning parental love, which is a shame because I liked it emphasising the idea of Yoshino the mom friend. Perhaps they removed that because they’re trying to make this relationship seem more actually romantic. I also liked the idea that it really wasn’t that romantic in the original, at least on Yoshino’s end.

Yoshino:  “I remember you were never able to do anything on your own…”

Neon:  “Thanks for the meal.”

~~~~~

Yoshi: “This has been so much fun. It’s really a shame that you have to work tonight.”

Neon: “Wish I didn’t.”

Another really meaningful and interesting line about Neon’s kid self (and his subtly telling reaction to it) gets removed and replaced with more fluff. This isn’t even the dub accidentally losing meaningful bits because they’re missing the point; this is clearly them removing these interesting parts on purpose. Why. Neon’s character was one of the most compelling things about the original episode. All they’re doing is deliberately making this episode significantly less good.

Chika:  “Neon is so cool!”

Masaru:  “What part of him?”

~~~~~

Kristy:  “Oh man, that Neon is so cool!”

Marcus: “Yeah, right.”

Marcus sounds so weirdly bitter here, like he really has firmly decided that Neon sucks and doesn’t deserve anyone’s admiration because he’s A Criminal. Why the hell does he care so much? Masaru was just bewildered as to what the big deal about him was in a way that had nothing to do with the suspected Digimon-harbouring.

Chika:  “Obviously, the part where he tries so hard to protect his girlfriend!”

~~~~~

Kristy:  “Do you think I’ll ever date someone who’s as cool and sweet as Neon?”

Kristy also does not specify that she admires Neon for trying to keep his girlfriend out of the limelight, which I appreciated Chika doing.

Kristy: “Just have him make it out to ‘Superfan Kristy the Most Beautiful Girl in the Whole World’.”

Geez. Kristy: still noticeably more of a brat than Chika.

Masaru:  “Look, Chika, you wouldn’t like it if other people were prying about who you like or date, right? It’s the same with Yoshino. That’s to say nothing of the fact that you’re demanding his autograph just because he’s a celebrity…”

~~~~~

Marcus: “Look, you wouldn’t like it if people kept prying into the private details of your life – I mean, if you had any. Well, Yoshi’s the same. Besides, Neon is probably sick of signing autographs for annoying fans.”

Marcus is technically giving the same sort of advice here, but my god, he is being way more of a dick about it than is necessary. The dub is ruining Masaru’s adorable fatherly-advice moment and turning it into a Marcus Is A Jerk™ moment instead and I don’t like it one bit.

Kristy: “You think I’m annoying, Marcus…?”

And so in this version, Kristy is actually pretty within reason to get upset, because her brother was being a dick. (Though she was also being slightly more annoying and bratty about the autograph thing than Chika was in the first place.)

Promotional video: “Hey everybody! Have you heard the new song by pop sensation Neon? Download it today, and tell all your friends, too!”

The dub version of the “promotional video” actually has a voiceover and therefore is vaguely more believable as an actual promotion than just a weird silent two second loop. Fixing another minor plot hole, dub, well done.

The dub completely cuts out the security guard who confronts Masaru at the door, probably because they didn’t want to include the part where Masaru assaults the guy. This is despite the fact that in the original episode, Masaru implicitly gets in trouble for this later when the guy wakes up, and otherwise generally comes across as having acted very rashly and unreasonably for this whole situation. But nah, apparently we can’t have our kids’ show protagonist do a bad thing, not even when the story presents it like it was kind of a bad thing to do.

Marcus: “Open the door, I’m here to protect you!”

Masaru never actually mentioned that he’s here to protect Yoshino, even though the possibility that she was in trouble is most of the reason why he came. Marcus making an explicit point of this is him making things a lot more about himself than Masaru did, like him coming here is mostly him wanting to seem like the Big Hero, rather than him genuinely just being worried about his friend.

Yoshino:  “Masaru! What are you…?”

~~~~~

Yoshi: “Marcus, what are you doing?! You’ll blow it; Neon’s here! Go away!”

Yoshi gets a longer line here – they’re probably filling in time lost from cutting the security guard – but in the process I can’t help but think that Neon should have heard the “you’ll blow it” part, since he shows up at the door just a second later. Which in fact would have been Yoshi blowing it and not Marcus.

Masaru:  “Don’t play dumb! This was all part of your scheme!”

Neon:  “Wh-What are you doing? Who are you?!”

Masaru:  “What are you plotting, using that Digimon?!”

~~~~~

Marcus: “Don’t play dumb; I know what you’re up to!”

Neon: “What do you mean? Who are you?!”

Marcus: “Just confess and tell me what you have planned in that mind of yours!”

So, despite Marcus having been significantly more convinced than Masaru ever was that Neon is definitely hiding a Digimon, he’s… not bringing up the Digimon for some reason now that he’s actually confronting Neon, even though Masaru did. What the hell.

The dub cuts the moment of Yoshino slapping Masaru, albeit not very convincingly, since there’s still a shot of him briefly looking like he’s just been slapped, and then a visible mark on his face a shot later.

Yoshino:  “How dare you suddenly intrude into other people’s houses! How about you consider *not* being a nuisance to others for a change!”

~~~~~

Yoshi: “Who do you think you are, barging into somebody’s house just for a measly autograph?! I don’t care how big a fan you are, you better learn some manners, kid!”

I do enjoy Yoshi putting on even more of an act here, trying to make it look like Marcus is some crazed fan desperate for an autograph. Though I’m not sure that angle entirely matches with Marcus’s behaviour of grabbing Neon and demanding that he confesses what he’s up to. Then again, Neon is going to figure out people are onto him from this either way, so I guess it doesn’t matter how convincing Yoshi is or isn’t.

Masaru:  “Hey, wait! I said wait! What was that for?”

Yoshino:  “You’re ruining my undercover investigation.”

~~~~~

Marcus: “What was all that for, Yoshi?”

Yoshi:  “To stop *you* from blowing my cover and all of my hard work.”

I enjoy Yoshi being more pointedly annoyed about this with her emphasis that he’s ruining her hard work. She has a right to be.

Masaru:  “What the hell, I was just worried about her.”

~~~~~

Marcus: “Well, I’m so sorry for trying to save you!”

Marcus! This is not about you! Masaru wasn’t trying to make this about himself; he was just worried about his friend – but Marcus is making this all about him Being The Hero and him being the one to save her.

It’s not that I don’t hypothetically enjoy characters who have issues along those lines, but that should not be the point with Marcus here. The dub isn’t going to go anywhere interesting with this because it wasn’t a thing in the original, so instead this just sticks out as another thing making Marcus more self-absorbed.

The security guard showing up here now is still there in the dub, even though they cut Masaru knocking him out earlier.

Sampson: “Keramon’s making it seem like Neon’s selling more songs than he is.”

[…]

Kudamon: “The more popular people think he is, the more albums they buy.”

They have an interesting point here not brought up in the original, that even if Keramon is only making Neon look more popular by messing with the figures, that’s going to result in actually making him more popular. In the original, it was unclear exactly what kind of manipulation Keramon had been doing (until the obvious stunt last night) and I sort of vaguely got the impression that it’d been actually making people download his songs even if they never wanted to. Then again, that might be obvious enough that people would have reported it, so perhaps things were always meant to be how the dub is explaining them to be here. Good job to the dub again for making that clearer. (…Or so I thought; hold this thought.)

Thomas: “Clearly, Neon’s making a fortune through fraud.”

I don’t especially like the dub adding this, though, because Neon should not be doing this for the money. He’s doing this for the popularity. Admittedly Thomas is only speculating and wouldn’t know better, but him stating it like this makes it seem like this is the correct conclusion to make about Neon’s motives.

Neon:  “To think that you were one of them…”

Yoshino:  “It’s prohibited to give a Digimon refuge!”

~~~~~

Neon:  “I just can’t believe you were a part of this. I trusted you!”

Yoshi: “Yeah, that’s why you told me all about your illegal Digimon!”

I enjoy Yoshi actually somewhat responding to the accusation of betrayal by pointing out that he was hiding something from her as well. Though I also do think Yoshino’s response of completely avoiding the topic says something interesting in and of itself.

Neon:  “Don’t order me around!”

~~~~~

Neon: “Don’t you judge me!”

While the “don’t order me around” perhaps touched on Neon’s past of not being able to do much on his own, “don’t judge me” would also potentially touch on his past of being bullied. However, I can’t help but think that’s more by luck than judgement on the dub’s part, since they went and deliberately removed so many of the other hints of Neon’s past even being like that in the first place.

Neon:  “He distributes my songs around the world and manipulates music charts…”

Wait, so Keramon actually does forcibly distribute the songs even to people who don’t want them, and not just fake the figures so that people will be more likely to check out what the fuss is about?

Yeah, actually, this line is basically exactly what Neon said here originally, so I guess that is what was meant to have been going on after all. Sampson and Kudamon must have missed that part when they were discussing things earlier.

Yoshino:  “Hitoshi, stop this!”

~~~~~

Yoshi: “You have to stop this. Fraud is a criminal offence!”

Though the lack of her being able to call him Hitoshi is a bad thing again, I do appreciate Yoshi pointing out that fraud is a crime. Even aside from DATS’s rules that nobody’s allowed to have a Digimon unless they’re a DATS member, Neon has still been breaking the regular law anyway, and the original didn’t really emphasise that very much.

They cut out the moment of Keramon grabbing Yoshi by the neck, but they do still show her being held like that in a shot a second later.

Neon:  “No way! Keramon is my partner!”

~~~~~

Neon: “Keramon is my partner just like your Digimon! I wouldn’t betray him any more than you’d betray them!”

Dub-Neon is very deliberately making the parallel to DATS’s Digimon rather than only accidentally invoking it by happening to use the same word – but it really isn’t a parallel he should be making deliberately. Keramon is not a person. It hasn’t spoken or expressed its own desires or sense of self at all; it’s just giggled creepily and done as he’s ordered it to. There is no actual meaningful bond of friendship here for Neon to care about not wanting to betray.

I think the dub added this in because the dubbers actually think that it’s basically the same deal going on with Neon and Keramon as with DATS and their partners. But it really, really isn’t.

Neon:  “Thanks to him, my songs are played throughout the world! He’s making me famous!”

~~~~~

Neon:  “He made me rich and famous!”

Famous, yes, but the money is not the point, dub. Neon in the original never mentioned money as being part of why he’s doing this.

Also, the past tense implies that it’s only because of Keramon that Neon became famous at all. Which I really doubt is supposed to be the case, because there’s no sense given at any point that Neon just burst into the public eye out of nowhere within the past month since he’s had Keramon. He must have been already doing reasonably well on his own merit before he started using fraud.

Masaru:  “What’s this crap about him making you famous?! It’s not through your own efforts! If you wanted to change yourself through your music, then do it using your own merit!”

~~~~~

Marcus: “Your whole career is a giant lie! You haven’t actually achieved anything! That Digimon of yours did everything for you; you’re nothing but a phony!”

…But it seems the dub really wants us to think that it’s only because of Keramon that Neon got anywhere at all and he was never genuinely good enough to deserve any amount of success whatsoever. I think the dubbers might have missed the point of this as well and believed that that was actually what was going on in the original episode.

And of course, because of this, we lose the interesting nuanced moment of Masaru being really good and pointing out that Neon should have kept working at this using his own merit. Instead we just get Marcus boringly shooting him down completely.

Yoshino:  “Stop!”

Lalamon:  “Stop!”

~~~~~

Yoshi:  “No pictures!”

Lalamon: “Give me that camera!”

Lalamon demanding the camera further emphasises the point of Yoshi choosing to do this instead of fight, and it gives more of a vague impression that maybe she really does take the camera and wipe the pictures offscreen, even though we won’t be seeing it. I approve.

Neon:  “Everyone needs to quit making fun of me!”

~~~~~

Neon:  “My career’s ruined now, and you’re gonna pay!”

Unsurprisingly, after everything the dub has already removed about Neon’s interesting aspects, they also remove probably the most interesting line – the one that very strongly hints he used to be bullied and that this has all been about him breaking away from that in a way that gradually became more and more desperate and obsessive to the point of illegality.

Instead, dub-Neon is somebody who wanted to be rich and famous just because, apparently had genuinely no actual talent or merit to base that on whatsoever, and just faked his entire success story (which the dub expects us to think he could have believably done within a month) using Digimon-driven fraud. That’s just… boring.

It also makes it significantly less interesting and meaningful why Keramon evolves in response to these words, though I suppose a burst of vengeful anger at them for ruining his fraudulent career is still reasonable enough to do it.

Masaru:  “Change places! Let’s go, Agumon!”

~~~~~

Marcus: “We’ll take ‘im! It’s fightin’ time!”

I am mildly sad at the loss of the sense that Masaru sees this as him tagging in for Tohma and being equal teammates with him, rather than trying to grab all the glory himself.

Neon:  “Even the memory of when we met again?”

~~~~~

Neon: “Even the stuff about you and me?”

In the dub, Neon makes this just about losing what their relationship is now and nothing else. I liked the sense that, after all the fraud had been uncovered and he’d basically given up, original-Neon was mostly sad to lose the memory of seeing her again, his childhood friend who was there for him during that tough time and could be proud of how far he’d come.

Overall differences

This episode has quite a few significant differences, with a lot of them being bad, but at least there’s a small handful of good ones too, for once.

Let’s start with the good ones. This episode’s dub actually has a couple of small fixes to some minor logic issues the original had. They explained that they can’t break into Neon’s building because the high security meant that Neon/Keramon would see them coming and run, which made a lot more sense. Then they gave the promo video a voiceover, making it a lot more believable as a promo video than some weird silent two-second loop.

Yoshi also has a few minor good bits: leaning more into the story that Marcus is a crazed fan when he shows up at the door, pointing out that fraud is a crime. I also appreciate that they attempted to tone down Miki and Megumi’s harshness towards her at least a little.

But onto the bad stuff: the really huge glaring problem with the dub of this episode is Neon. Neon’s character was the big saving grace of this otherwise not especially interesting episode to me in the original, and none of what makes him that way is present in the dub. All of the hints of him being weak and helpless and probably-bullied as a kid are watered down into him simply having been kind of shy, there’s no hints of him remaking his image (no mention that Neon is a stage name; for all we know in the dub, that’s somehow his real name), and way too much emphasis put on him doing this for money, not just fame. If Marcus is to be believed, he had absolutely zero talent and got where he was entirely through Keramon’s meddling, which is extremely unrealistic to have happened in a single month without anyone questioning it and is also way, way less interesting. Dub-Neon is just some boring flat villain greedy for fame and fortune, rather than an interestingly messed-up character.

And it’s really strange to me that this character assassination is so complete and consistent that it must have been deliberate? The dub writers consciously decided to remove everything that made this episode’s focus character interesting. Why in the world would they choose to do that.

Then there’s this episode’s treatment of Marcus, which is standard fare at this point but still frustrating enough that I am always going to talk about it when it happens in any significant amount.

He’s more insistent that Neon’s harbouring a Digimon from the start despite the lack of proof, but then, bizarrely, doesn’t bring up Digimon when he breaks in even though Masaru did. He makes the breaking-in part a lot more About Himself by making a point that he’s here to save Yoshi, which is a very different thing than Masaru coming there in case Yoshino needed saving but not actually caring whether she knows it or not. Marcus is also more of an unnecessary dick to his sister in the bit where she’s asking him for Neon’s autograph. And the interesting nuance that Masaru had in his speech to Neon, about putting in effort and changing yourself through your own merits, is lost in favour of this new boring narrative where Neon apparently had zero talent and deserved none of his fame in the first place.

Oh, and the bit where Masaru attacked the security guard was cut, because I guess your kids’ show protagonist isn’t allowed to attack a responsible adult, even when the narrative presents this as a bad thing that he shouldn’t have done and implicitly gets in trouble for.

[ladyherenya]

My favourite thing this year has been the Korean drama Crash Landing on You (2019-20).

It has something of a ridiculous title (I’ve ended up calling it Crash Landing or sometimes just Crash). But, to be fair, North and South was already taken.

“I can go to Africa and even Antarctica but not here. It’s a shame that you live here.” “It’s a shame that you live there.” -- episode three

To my great amusement, every month or so, Netflix has sent me an email that’s said: “Don’t forget to finish Crash Landing on You” or “Remember this? Watch it again: Crash Landing on You” or “Rewatch your favourite moments - Watch it again: Crash Landing on You…”

And I’m like: NETFLIX! Seriously, WHAT do you THINK I’M DOING?

I have now watched Crash Landing on You five times.

There are several reasons for this:

I successfully dragged other family members down this particular rabbit hole, and in a pandemic season, when things have been unpredictable (or cancelled), rewatching Crash Landing has been an appealing and comfortably-familiar distraction, as well as the source of many, many long, analytical fandom-y conversations, which has been fun.

I needed to watch it more than once to straighten out all the pieces of the story in my head. With 16 episodes, each over an hour long, it’s one of the longest stories I’ve ever watched. I’ve seen other TV series with more episodes, but nearly all have been much more episodic, rather than telling one continuous story.  

I kept noticing details that I’d previously missed because I’d been focused on the subtitles or that I hadn’t properly understood some cultural nuance. And some things are ambiguous in translation -- in a good way, a fodder-for-discussion way.

I have ALWAYS rewatched (or reread) my favourite stories. And Crash Landing fits right in with those. Someone in my family described it as: “Like Lord of the Rings on steroids!” However, I think it actually has far more in common -- visually and thematically, and also in terms of my willingness to discuss the characters as if they were real people -- with my favourite historical dramas.

In terms of story, Crash Landing is easy enough to summarise: A South Korean businesswoman is paragliding when a freak storm blows her across the border; she’s discovered by a North Korean captain, who hides her and helps her get home.

But I’m going to need more words to explain why I fell in love with it.

It is fascinating and, first time round, tense and unpredictable. It’s funny and very meta -- very aware of the tropes it’s playing with and of parallels and contrasts within the story. It’s visually and aesthetically pleasing, and the soundtrack grew on me.

There are a number of coincidences and a few ridiculous fight scenes, but the emotions are intensely real and so are the consequences. It has camaraderie and found-family and thoughtfully-complicated family relationships. There are characters I love, and characters who surprised me, and so much time given to character development!  It’s romantic. There’s a fake engagement (a favourite trope of mine) and while I’m not a fan of love triangles, I liked how this quadrangle-tangle is handled. And the obstacles to the romance are satisfyingly realistic; characters have sensible reasons for the choices they make.

I love how the story uses flashbacks, particularly the post-credit scenes.

The final episode isn’t perfect, but given that a perfectly happy ending would, realistically,  require the reunification of north and south, I thought it came very close.

Let me elaborate.

Cut for sheer verbosity, rather than spoilers. (I’m not allowing myself to list spoiler-ish examples or dive into analysing my favourite scenes, because then I wouldn’t just be here all night, I’d be here all week).

⬦ Fascinating, tense, unpredictable: I knew almost nothing about life in North Korea, so that was fascinating and made the story harder to predict, as I couldn’t anticipate what options the characters had or what obstacles might arise. And that isn’t the only reason I found it tense -- at different times, different characters are greatly at risk if discovered; there are occasions when characters are in danger of physical violence or are injured; and they have a couple of dilemmas to which there are just not easy solutions (See also: Obstacles for romance).

While I’m on the subject of the setting, although I cannot judge how accurate this portrayal of the north was, it’s portrayal of people as people was incredibly convincing. It’s a society where people have differences in personality and in circumstances. There are orphans begging in the market, people who can afford to stay in fancy hotels -- and a lot of people somewhere in between. In the military village, people have varying attitudes, tastes in clothes, privileges, standards of living, etc. Their lifestyle differs from that in Pyongyang, and also in other parts of the country. Amongst the military, some men are compassionate, some are corrupt and some are not obviously one or the other.

Moreover, it’s clear that corruption and villainy isn’t just in the north. In the south, as in the north, we see a range of humanity -- selfishness, good friends, complicated families, happy marriages, criminal behaviour, and so on.

I’ve read an article or two suggesting that the least realistic aspect is Ri Jeong Hyeok being such a sympathetic and honourable officer. I think it’s interesting that he clearly isn’t a typical captain -- he wanted a different career, he’s spent time studying overseas (in a democratic country), and, perhaps most importantly, his father’s position gives him protection from pressures many others face. He has the privilege of being able to afford to act with integrity, and of encouraging such behaviour in the men he leads.

⬦ Humour and meta: I’ve included these two together, because so much of the story’s self-awareness and intertextuality is humorous. I am very amused by so many things -- the village women’s interactions, Se-ri’s wit and banter, Jeong Hyeok’s facial expressions, the duckling's reactions, the way Ju Meok keeps comparing things to South Korean dramas:

Ju Meok: “I haven’t seen any drama characters that don’t fall in love in that situation. That’s how they all fall in love.”

(Because my knowledge of Korean drama is limited, there are a few cameos and references which I suspect would be amusing if one was in the know. The exception is the taxi driver singing, who was funny even without recognising the actor.)

I love the commentary that comes from all the moments when other characters witness the unfolding romance. Others’ reactions are often memorably hilarious -- some of my favouritest scenes fall into this category. (The customs officer! Jeong Hyeok’s dad!) They introduce humour and self-awareness into these moments, allowing the story to acknowledge “Yeah, we know these two are being ridiculous/sappy/emotional”. These moments reveal people’s attitudes towards displays of affection, particularly in the north, and their different attitudes towards Se-ri and Jeong Hyeok’s relationship.  

And as their relationship changes, Se-ri and Jeong Hyeok’s awareness of being watched and commented upon changes, too.

Which leads me to…

⬦ Contrasts and parallels: So many scenes which echo/parallel earlier scenes. Most obviously, this allows the story to compare and contrast the north and south, but it also shows changes in time, differences between characters, and differences in relationships too. Sometimes all at once!

 It means some plot developments weren’t totally unexpected -- it was Oh, of COURSE, we’re going to now see that character in this situation! or OBVIOUSLY we now have to see what this is like in the south!

But I thought it was really effective storytelling and I so much enjoyed spotting and analysing these moments.

⬦ Yoon Se-ri and Ri Jeong Hyeok: These two are the heart of the story and there are so many things I love about them. Like how, even though Se-ri is dependent upon Jeong Hyeok to hide and help her -- even though they’re initially hesitant about a romantic relationship -- they quickly become very protective of each other. Often to the point of willingly risking their own safety. Often to the point of exasperating the other. It’s great.

 That’s not the only thing they discover they have in common. They share some interests. They’re both highly intelligent, driven, successful leaders (he’s a captain, she’s a CEO) who are very private, lonely people carrying around grief about their family and their past. Neither of them likes to reveal their emotions -- he tries to conceal his by suppressing his facial expressions and avoiding answering questions, while Se-ri hides behind play-acting.  

I like watching Se-ri trying to get to know Jeong Hyeok. She isn’t deterred by his silences (unlike someone else) and she keeps the conversation going even when he doesn’t respond. She watches him closely, and says or does things to provoke a reaction. Poke, poke, poke.

And the time they spend together is really revealing. They share meals, they share a house. They see how the other responds under pressure, but also in various social and domestic situations. They see each other in a range of moods: calm, happy, grumpy, scared, tired, upset, unwell. Crash Landing takes advantage of spending sixteen episodes with these characters. Going through so many different experiences together, they learn a lot about each other -- about each other’s values, tastes and temperament -- and this means the audience gets a deeper, more nuanced understanding of who they are, too.  

Se-ri and Jeong Hyeok are also well-matched in how they show they appreciate each other -- she delights in giving presents, and he is quick to notice things Se-ri might need or like.

And it’s very satisfying when they open up, or when they cry in front of each other, because you know that they don’t do this lightly or easily.

⬦ Obstacles for romance, love triangle quadrangle-tangle: I appreciate that the obstacles in this story are not contrived or fueled by needless misunderstandings.  Se-ri and Jeong Hyeok have really solid, sensible reasons to be hesitant to first recognise, then admit to, and then act upon, a romantic attraction. Even once they realise that getting Se-ri home is going to take longer than they’d hoped and she’s pretending to be Jeong Hyeok’s fiancée, romance between them is still a road that leads nowhere. She isn’t safe staying in the north and he would endanger his family if he defected to the south, and they both accept that. And they’re reticent about sharing vulnerable feelings, and Jeong Hyeok is actually engaged to someone else.

But once they really open up to each other, the narrative conflict revolves around their circumstances, rather than doubts or misunderstandings they have about each other. Because the situations they face are dangerous and difficult, with no obvious or straightforward path to a happy ending, there’s quite enough tension to drive the story forward. They still have a couple of misunderstandings, but I like how they handle those, and I like that they don’t have more of them.

As for the love triangle, it doesn’t have the angst of someone torn between, or even attracted to, two people. Jeong Hyeok’s engagement has been arranged. Having feelings for someone else doesn’t change the foundation of that engagement, nor the pressure to please his family. He doesn’t love or know his fiancée -- not well enough to risk revealing Se-ri’s true identity to her. He’s honest with Se-ri and he makes an effort with Dan.  

(I have a theory that, if he had been in love before, he might be quicker to recognise how some of his behaviour towards Se-ri fosters intimacy and sends her messages he doesn’t intend, but this is all new for him.)

He tries not to mislead or hurt Dan, but she’s hurt nonetheless, and I like that Crash Landing doesn’t gloss over that. It explores why she’s hurt, why she’s so reluctant to let him go and why their relationship never really worked. (Neither of them are good at communicating with each other, and I think she takes some of the things he does for her for granted, rather than recognising them as overtures and as opportunities to get to know him better.)

Dan is not just a romantic rival, nor a narrative complication, but a person whose concerns and desire are taken seriously, and who is given space to grow.

Which leads me to...

⬦ Surprising characters, thoughtfully-complicated family relationships: As mentioned, Crash Landing takes advantage of the amount of character development 16 episodes allows, and not just for its lead couple. I was surprised by how much my opinion of certain characters changed, as I came to understand them better.

The character I was most surprised by was Gu Seung-jun.

Each time I’ve watched this, I’ve liked Dan more. I have a lot of sympathy for her now. I also like her mother, even though she’s embarrassingly over the top, because she cares fiercely about her daughter and about advocating for her.

Se-ri’s dysfunctional family are more nuanced than I expected, too. In particular, I love the attention the story gives to Se-ri’s relationship with her step-mother. I was expecting Se-ri’s father to play a larger role, perhaps because he’s nominally the one with the power and influence, and at first Se-ri’s mother seems so passive. But it was really interesting to understand where she’s coming from, why her relationship with Se-ri is broken and sad. The steps the two of them take towards rebuilding their relationship are believable.

(On a related thought, I appreciate a lot of the choices this makes in addressing these women’s mental health struggles. One or two moments arguably could have been handled better, but on the whole it’s realistically optimistic, with enough detail so that we understand the seriousness -- the impact it’s had on these women’s lives.)

⬦ Camaraderie, found family and the ducklings: Se-ri doesn’t spend as much time with the village women as she does with Jeong Hyeok and his soldiers, and when she does, she’s play-acting, in order to keep her identity a secret. But I like how they nevertheless support her, and how meeting her sparks change their dynamic with each other. They grow closer and become much better at supporting each other. It’s really heartwarming.

We gave many of the characters codenames, so we could discuss them when we were still learning their names. (I was surprised by how long it took me to learn some of the characters’ names.  Because so many were unfamiliar to me, they were harder to remember; I wasn’t always sure, from just reading the subtitles, how all of them were pronounced, and sometimes it was hard to separate the sound of the names from surrounding sentences, especially when, due to honorifics and titles and so on, subtitles don’t always match exactly what is being said.) Jeong Hyeok’s men are “the ducklings”, inspired by something I saw on Tumblr: Gwang Beom is “Handsome Duckling”, Ju Meok is “Drama Duckling” and Chi Su is just the sergeant.) I love how they function as a found-family, especially in contrast to Se-ri’s real family. They’re funny, loyal and caring, and in spite of their different personalities, work well together as a team. I enjoyed seeing the different relationships they have with each other, with Jeong Hyeok and Se-ri, and how some of those relationships change. And they’re so protective they are of Eun Dong!

Man Bok has an interesting arc -- I could have mentioned him under Surprising characters. I really like how he fits into this story, how he’s connected to the mystery Jeong Hyeok is investigating, how he becomes involved with the rest of the characters and has these moments when he plays a significant role. Or gets to be funny. I like the contrast and parallels too -- he’s in a different place in his life to the ducklings, and he gets opportunities to revisit past choices he regrets.

And I’m trying not to write essays about all the characters, and it’s ahhh, I have too many thoughts and feelings about them all!

⬦ Satisfyingly realistic: I like how -- one or two ridiculous fight scenes and an unrealistic paragliding scene aside -- things which happen have believable consequences. Particularly emotionally. We see men cry! A lot! And it always feels like a genuine expression of emotion, not gratuitous or overwrought. (Well, okay, there’s a very minor character who’s a bit over the top but he’s very minor.)

When one of the characters is gravely ill, she looks it, I found it oddly satisfying that she doesn’t have to be pretty all the time.

And I wasn’t sure if this belonged here or under “Visual details” but I love the attention given to Se-ri’s clothes. She cares a lot about fashion and in the north her clothing choices indicate that she cares a lot about her appearance, while making do with a limited wardrobe and still dressing for warmth.  (I’m happy to handwave that she seems to have more clothes than would realistically fit in those shopping bags.) I appreciated the practical streak, and, as winter wore on here, became envious of one of her outfits.

I don’t personally like the style of Se-ri chooses for work, but it’s different it is from what she wore in the north and from what she wears at home -- her power-dressing is like a uniform or a statement of persona she projects in her working life, and not necessarily a reflection of her personal tastes.

⬦ Visual details: I love so many of the visuals. Gorgeous scenery, interesting settings and clever framing for significant scenes. The sky, a place without borders, often becomes a focus and there’s a thematically-relevant flight motif -- paragliders, birds and kites.

I did not start noticing the   product placement until a rewatch, when I stopped to think about how often they went to Subway. The first time, it just seemed like a commentary on south-versus-north, and then I was just baffled-yet-amused by it all. (That sort of thing does not make me want to eat fried chicken...)

⬦ Soundtrack: The first time round, I liked the instrumental score and the presence of piano music actually in the story. As I kept rewatching, the rest of the soundtrack slowly but steadily grew on me, and I found myself liking the songs more and more.  

Now I not only recognise them by name, I can recall most of them well enough to hum them and know which scenes they’re associated with. Which is a lot harder when the lyrics are in a language I don’t speak and so I can’t use them as a prompt for memory.

⬦ Flashbacks: Instead of “previously-on” segments, Crash Landing employs lots of flashbacks whenever it wants to remind the audience of something.

Sometimes, instead of just repeating part of an earlier scene, it takes the opportunity to show the same moment from different angles or from a different character’s perspective,  or to juxtapose it with a different scene or to introduce new information. This was really effective. And when flashbacks were a simple repeat, I was usually happy to revisit important moments in the story (and sometimes, having a different person translating the subtitles meant there was a slightly different perspective on the dialogue).

Then there are the post-credit flashbacks, quite a few of which take places years earlier. I love how they’re puzzle pieces about the characters’ pasts and the connections between them.

⬦ The end:  The first time round, after watching the penultimate episode I was so engrossed in the story and so invested in the characters that I had trouble sleeping and I went around the next day with this tight, anxious feeling, unable to get the story out of my head.

The final episode is an emotional rollercoaster. SO. MANY. FEELINGS. There’s one particular scene which packs a powerful punch -- it’s exceptionally emotional and beautifully filmed. I love it, but I’m  glad we get the aftermath too.

It isn’t a perfect ending, but as I said, I don’t think there was a perfect ending was possible, not one that was both realistic and satisfying. But this comes very close. In the very final scenes, not everything is resolved or explained, and I like how that ambiguity is open to interpretation -- I like that there are some gaps for the viewer to fill in for oneself, however one prefers to imagine the characters’ lives going forward.

I know I could easily write another four thousand words about this story -- there are aspects I haven’t really discussed but this seems like a good place to stop. For now. I really like this story. I expect I’ll watch it all again soon.

[preservationandruin]

Rhythm of War Liveblog, Part One Part Three (Chapters 9-11)

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Alright, sorry for the long wait--I have notes through Part Two, but I’m going to transcribe them without too much commentary on events that happened later, even though now--putting it on a computer--I’m further in the book. Anyway, let’s get this going!  Kaladin continues to have a bad day, Navani gets a pen pal, Shallan and Adolin read someone else’s diary, Kaladin is forced to take a vacation, and we check in with Venli and the Long Con. 

The epigraphs confirm that pewter continues the pattern of fabrial cages working like allomancy, so that’s just A Thing.  Meanwhile, Kaladin is not taking things particularly well. Syl and Teft both try checking in on him, but he rebuffs them; Syl notes that this feels worse than his usual depressive episodes and that it seems like he lives for stormlight, which led me to theorize that Odium was doing some influencing of him and that Stormlight--and Urithiru, when he’s there--disrupts it. Syl also asks how Moash knew about Honor Chasm, which is a good point--Kal says he probably mentioned it around the fire, but that doesn’t seem likely to me. Of course, I could be forgetting things, but Kaladin was always very tight-lipped about that moment in particular. Kaladin also notes that his memories of the good times with Bridge Four seem muted and less distinct, and again it’s hard to tell if that’s mundane depression or the influence of something More.  Meanwhile, Navani is in her Floating Research Orb, which is the best thing ever. it’s just an orb with points on the ends that she can use as a study while flying and I want one immediately but with windows. She’s speculating on how Soulcasters work, because they break a lot of the conventional rules of Fabrials--they don’t have a trapped spren visible in the normal world, although in Shadesmar they appear to have inert sentient spren attached to them. Which...uh....is troubling, to say the least.  Just a theory here, but could those trapped spren be inkspren? It would explain some of why Ivory’s people are so against bonding Radiants, if at some point humans captured a lot of them to make Soulcasters. Also, they’re one of two spren linked to orders who can Soulcast, and I feel like if they were Cryptics someone would recognize them.  Anyway, Navani notes that the depowering fabrial uses the same four-garnet design as the pillar in Urithiru, and we get some of how she’s trying to figure out how to make the pillar work again.  (also, it must be noted, Dalinar is being flown by one of the Windrunners and has to wear a mask to stop his face from freezing off, and that’s just a very funny mental image. Navani also apparently tried to convince the windrunners that flying feet-first would be more aerodynamic).  Anyway this is about when she notices the gem for a spanreed stuck on the bottom of her desk and flashing, and when she hooks it up, she gets...an interesting message, in cramped handwriting: 

You are the monster Navani Kholin. You have caused more pain than any living person. [...] You capture spren. You imprison them. Hundreds of them. You must stop. Stop, or there will be consequences.

GUYS, WE MIGHT BE GETTING INTO FABRIAL ETHICS AND I’M SO EXCITED. Navani points out that the sentient spren don’t see the captured spren in fabrials as being hurt, instead more as animals of burden a la chulls, and even the honorspren agree--to which the mysterious pen pal replies that the honorspren can’t be trusted. 

So, that’s ominous, and really interesting. When getting into the ethics of fabrials we get some really interesting places--what rules do spren have for sentience? Do they have a standard? Do humans of Roshar have a standard? After all, the parshmen were considered almost nonsentient, and that wasn’t true at all. I’m very excited to see where this goes.  Meanwhile, Shallan and Adolin are cuddling in a carriage and discussing what happened. Adolin, understandably, has trouble differentiating between the various underground organizations on Roshar--Ghostbloods, Sons of Honor, Skybreakers, etc. That’s very fair, there are a lot of shady bastards running around. He also knows that Shallan is still hiding things, but trusts her to tell him eventually. 

Guys, I just really love Adolin and the way he’s just. A caring and good person. Adolin Kholin appreciation hours are all hours, always, on this blog.  Anyway Shallan goes on to explain some of the deal with the Ghostbloods--that they have inscrutable goals, that they sunk the ship back in Words of Radiance, and that they killed Ialai, meaning they have someone in Shallan and Adolin’s people. While she’s saying this, though, we get that there’s something else going on inside Shallan--she’s terrified that if she tells someone her entire background, they’ll leave, and around those fears is the potential for another alter--Formless--who scares all of them, even Veil.  Also Shallan shows Adolin Ialai’s notebook, which he cannot read because he remains illiterate and that remains hilarious to me. The only illiterate Kholins right now are Adolin and the five year old and Gavinor has the excuse of being a five year old. Anyway, we get this interesting bit of notation: 

“Like this page--a list of terms or names [Ialai’s] spies had heard. She was trying to define what they were.” Shallan moved her finger down the page. “Nalathis, Scadarial, Tal Dain. Do you recognize any of those?” 

This is hilarious because while Adolin doesn’t recognize them, that quote is a direct nod to the fans, who will recognize those names--even transliterated to better match Alethi name structure, they’re the other planets of the Cosmere. Adolin and Shallan try to connect Nalathis to Nalan, which makes some sense but mostly just has me very amused. Can you imagine Nale on Nalthis? He would hate it. He would HATE it. 

In any case, it’s only after the entire conversation that Shallan realizes that while she meant to tell Adolin she was a Ghostblood, she hadn’t done that at all, which is...interesting, again. I’m keeping note of these times that Shallan does something she can’t explain. 

We go over to Kaladin for the next chapter, where we open with Kaladin informing one of the honorspren--the only one they have who isn’t bonded--to try to work with Rlain, who none of the spren have worked with so far because...spren racism. I mean, I get the hesitance, but come on. Come on. 

And then we get the real meat of the chapter, because Dalinar takes Kaladin off of active duty, and Kaladin takes that about as well as could be expected. 

Dalinar cites Kaladin’s “battle fatigue”--I’m fairly sure we would call it PTSD--as the reason to pull him off the line, and he’s completely right in terms of his logic. Kaladin very clearly has the initial reaction that is also inspired by trauma, because this is yet again a ilghteyed person of power taking Kaladin’s decisions and agency away from him, but--and he even recognizes this the more the conversation goes on--Dalinar, unlike the ones before him, is doing this out of genuine concern for Kaladin and also because, as a commanding officer, he has to take Kaladin off of the field. 

There’s no real good call in this situation, and I think Dalinar made the best one. Taking away what Kaladin sees as his only purpose while he’s relapsing is bad--but leaving him on the field when it clearly isn’t good either for him or for the force he’s working with, and could lead not only to Kaladin’s death but the deaths of other people around him. 

We also get more Kaladin introspection, and the fact--stated explicitly now, although it’s been inferrable for a while--that Kaladin thinks there’s something broken about him because he couldn’t swear the Fourth Ideal. 

I swear to god, the Fourth Ideal is going to be something about accepting that you can’t save everyone. It’s the only thing that thematically makes sense--it would be a very difficult ideal to swear, particularly given that Windrunners are so dedicated to saving everyone; the Fourth Ideal seems to most likely be the one that gives you Plate, and accepting that you can’t save everyone is the mental step needed to defend yourself from the exact burden Kaladin is breaking under right now--if you feel like you have to save everyone you are going to break, sooner rather than later, and you have to accept that that will sometimes be impossible. 

We’re going to see him swear this this book, I am confident we are going to see that this book. 

And then we have our first Venli POV! We get a brief description of the hierarchy of the Singers--Singers are lowest, and then Regals like Venli who have Forms of Power, and then Fused, who kill their hosts as they take it over, then thunderclasts and Unmade. 

Because everyone is at two degrees of separation at most, Venli is working as the Voice for Leshwi--working in these unsteady, tall watchtowers that have been constructed around Alethkar for the Fused to live in, although only the strongest get rooms at the top of the towers. Leshwi is one of those strongest, not only because of her power but also because she’s kept her sanity mostly intact, unlike many of the Fused. 

Venli’s in envoyform, still, which is interesting because it lets her not only speak many languages, but also to understand full intent from the briefest notes of what Leshwi is saying, which is cool. We also get what her goals are, for the moment--she wants to build a dissident group of Singers, a group who could rebuild the Listeners and become a separatist group who follow neither the Fused nor the humans. 

Which is interesting. I don’t think it’s going to work--this war is all-consuming, and it’s going to be very hard to fit yourself into a neutral position, especially because Odium and his side are looking for total control. They’re not going to allow people to just walk away. 

But I respect Venli for trying. We get some more insight into her powers--she can use stormlight and voidlight, although if she does too much she draws the secretspren who discover Knights Radiant, and she can peer into Shadesmar without drawing their attention. 

And then Leshwi barges in to say that something has happened, drawing the war to a new and dangerous point. 

[shinygoku]

Top 10 CSatM Episodes (1/2)

Ahhh, Captain Scarlet and the Mysterons...! Probably only Second to Thunderbirds when it comes to the most popular and beloved Supermarination programme, with only Stingray able to compete for that coveted Silver Medal. But for me, it’s my Favourite!

I could go on and on about it, but for now I’ll go over my personal picks for a Top 10, which may give some insight into what about the way the series ticks makes it so enthralling.

Without further ado, let’s jump in! I’m not ordering them by preference, but rather the Episode order as I watched them on my DVDs (tediously the ep listings never seem to be consistent :T) Spoilers for all eps covered! ✂

Winged Assassin

Starting off my Favourites is the 2nd episode of the whole show, featuring a good condensed version of the events of Ep 1 if ya missed it and probably the best explanation on the workings of Retrometabolism that canon media is ever gonna grant us. The plot is fairly straightforward, but what elevates this is the aforementioned Exposition, which feels more organic than it did last episode, the interactions between Scarlet and Blue, and even the shocking twist at the ending, where the mission that had been going so well falls at the very last hurdle, in spite of Spectrum’s best efforts.

One of the most chilling visuals in the series is a surfaced shard of a downed passenger plane floating up from the sea, before the camera pans out to show the duplicated plane flying through the air, and another dark shot later on, of Scarlet’s limp hand with blood running down after he died in the effort to prevent the massive explosion that occurs regardless.

Winged Assassin sets a lot of standards of things to follow; traits like massive collateral damage just as part of the Mysteron’s grander scheme, the close partnership of Scarlet and Blue, Scarlet’s seldom used Sixth Sense and even the occasional downer ending, where the Mysterons manage to sneak a victory in and actually kill or destroy their stated target.

White as Snow

This episode shines a very interesting light on the dynamics between Col. White and Scarlet. It’s obviously one of a superior giving orders most of the time, but in a twist from the somewhat strict nature of Jeff Tracy over his sons who show respect to their father by not arguing back, with these two there’s actually the occassional spark of friction, that Scarlet will voice when he doesn’t like the commands and will only reluctantly go through the motions in the situation. I’m referring mostly to the first Mysteron attack, where a satellite is on a collision course with Cloudbase, but Scarlet unsubtly opposes the plan as there’s the possibility of innocent people on board who would get killed if Spectrum shot it down first. However, he’s overruled... and it turns out that it was indeed a trap, the people on board had been exploded hours ago and what was shot down was a Replicant copy. And that’s just the first half of the episode! But I find it interesting that again, back in Thunderbirds, the call to not remotely destroy something like that on the offchance it was populated would be the Correct course of action, but in this show pragmatism is needed, the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.

Anyway, the episode has another Mysteron attack aboard a submarine, with plenty of tension... but yet, there’s something of a comedic bend to the episode, such as a furious White shouting at the currently dead Scarlet, much to the Naval crew’s confusion, and the scene at the end which I’ve taken the picture from. The weakest part of the episode is probably Blue in charge of Cloudbase, as he doesn’t seem to know what he’s doing and I feel they coulda done more with him. Oh well! At least we got the fantastic music insert, which is also titled White as Snow.

Operation Time

Probably ranking in my Top 3, Operation Time is pretty remarkably both one of the most tension filled... yet an extremely funny episode. I guess some of that’s just due to my own odd sense of humour, though some moments are clearly intentional. Both the operation scenes, the Mysteron’s pursuit of the Doctor, and finally Spectrum chasing the Mysteron!Doctor are all played very suspensefully, and I find myself holding my breath. But then the funny scenes, like everything with Magenta and how hilariously pissy and unsubtle the Fake!Doctor gets leave me in stitches! [pun unintended lol]

I dunno, maybe some of the amusement effect is enhanced by the strong contrast between the scenes. Also we get a very grisly death for the Fake!Doctor and this episode establishes weaknesses for the Mysterons that will come up in future instalments. There’s a lot this ep has to offer, even something of an insight into 60′s medicine (though the series is set in 2068). While an extremely minor point, both the scenes with operations have the pssssshh.....fsssssshhhh sound that I associate with ventilators even though they ain’t being used, what’s up with that? But it’s another thing to add to the Atmosphere so s’all good, man.

Odd that I can’t think of much else to put here, I love it so much but maybe it’s so solid in the couple of things it does that’s all there really is to say? I’m feeling frustrated at how I don’t seem to have written enough for it, but trust me when I say it’s excellent and that it’s absolutely a Must Watch if you’re giving the series a look. (Though again, I’m spoiling each ep covered so uhh... read at your own risk if you’re using this to judge it!)

The Heart of New York

An interesting tale that I’ve actually Heard more than I’ve watched, as the audio adaptation is a free sample on the official Gerry Anderson site! [At least at the time of writing lmao, it’s worth a look anyway. This message was not paid for.]

This story is somewhat unique in that the Mysterons’ plan is pretty tame by their standards. They want to blow up... a Bank. Sure, it contributes to the long game they play, causing disruption and destruction, but compared to the casual massive collateral damage they inflict as part of a more focused murder attempt (again, see Winged Assassin and the passenger plane) this is small potatoes. But still, they end up feeling more moral in this episode than the actual ne’er do wells, a trio of would-be Robbers. These guys are pretty assholish, deliberately using the horrible cosmic war that’s already taken lives in the triple digits to hide behind while they take their pickings from a vault. Captain Black locking these morons in with the explosives feels like poetic justice, that they really did get what they wanted and are punished in kind.

Maybe this feeds the Mysteron’s point, that humans are aggressive, corrupt and selfish... though Colonel White challenges this view at the end of the episode, stating the robbers aren’t indicative of humanity as a whole. The whole shebang is a lot like The Twilight Zone, honestly. All we need is Rod Serling to open and close the episode...

Point 783

This episode is a bit harder to go into depth on, to be honest, it’s not one with a particular gimmic that makes it more memorable, but it’s a very solid ep all the same. There’s still a fair few layers that keep me thinking, like how it seems one of the Methane Trunk drivers had seemingly been Mysterionised offscreen to enable the Mysteron’s main pawns to me made. Then the first attempt to kill the Supreme Commander is thwarted by Scarlet’s (somewhat inconsistant) Mysteron Sense and perspex tubes that take their sweet time to descend and don’t even prioritise the actual target lol

Anyway, the meat of the episode is focused on the guest vehicle, the Unitron implacable unmanned Tank that can be controlled remotely by human operator or programmed to destroy something particular, and it will not stop or slow down no matter what’s thrown at it. Something something Proto-Drone Warfare commentary. The Mysterons’ last big attempt to assassinate today’s dude has one of their Mysterionised guys from earlier become the target, unknown to everyone else until he draws his gun inside the SPV (who even points out the 6th sense didn’t activate!). Scarlet gets shot 3 times but manages to eject himself and the Supreme Commander, which leads to the above scene, which offers a nice, human response.

Mr Supreme Commander later chews Blue out as it emerges instead of Scarlet going to a Hospital within 10 minutes, Spectrum insisted on waiting for one of their Helicopters to pick him up, which took 3 hours. Poor Blue has to try reassuring the army guys that Scarlet will be fine, truuuuust hiiiim. It makes me wonder if Spectrum is making things easier or harder overall by keeping his Retrometabolism under their hats, though I can understand they’d have reservations, but just trying to gloss over it with a ‘no no, it’s fine, he’ll get better.’ type answer doesn’t seem all that convincing. But I enjoy that it’s semi challenged here. And this episode summary ended up longer than expected cause all the Thinking I’ve done, haha!

=======

This has gotten a lot longer than expected and will be Two Parts! Find the second half here~

[kinetic-elaboration]

February 26: 2x08 I, Mudd

Finally getting to this week's episode of TOS.

I remembered I, Mudd being basically fun but not exactly my favorite, and that's still my feeling.

This is the angriest I've ever seen Spock. "Labels do not make arguments." And then how McCoy realizes as soon as he gives his impression of the android how badly he's fucked up but he just has to keep digging that hole.

McCoy commits a micro-aggression lol.

And when Spock talks about McCoy's "beads and rattles"--that voice is 100% the tone Vulcans used to use before they killed someone.

That android looks so familiar. I guess he's not actually a common ST actor but he looks a lot like the common ST background actors.

"Scotty, the intruder's in your area" while Scotty's already on the floor. He got the memo.

"Tell security we found the intruder." We know the situation isn't that serious because Kirk still has a sense of humor.

I like that Spock appreciates that the android doesn't refer to Spock as part of "humanity." And he's definitely interested in the android.

I feel like it shouldn't be this easy to get control of a Federation star ship. Like Mudd is NOT that smart.

I can't believe Spock's first instinct is to try to meld with the machine. Stop being such a slut, Spock.

"He appears to have turned himself off."

Right there on the bridge!! Where he just stands in front of the doorway for 4 days, the least convenient spot.

Kirk is so relaxed about this mission. The ship's been captured and is rigged to blow but oh well! "We're going on a trip." "A gracious invitation." It's like he can already sense this episode is going to be nonsense all the way down.

JAMIE. How dare??

The last time we saw Mudd, Kirk was volunteering to be a character witness for him. Oh where did it all go wrong?

Spock is "ill equipped to appreciate" the ladies. Makes him sound gay.

How much do I LOVE that the VULCANS caught Mudd? He tried to steal Vulcan IP and they didn't like that. I want to know everything about Vulcan society tbqh.

So gross how obvious it is that Mudd is fucking the androids.

The irony of Mudd's situation: a prisoner who can have whatever he wants, but still a prisoner.

Kirk is not amused by the sexist wife android.

This is basically What Are Little Girls Made Of? but like.. not as good.

Kirk doesn't like androids, clearly.

This whole bit about how Uhura could live forever in an android body... First, her interest in the pretty girl androids is very Gay. Second, interesting that this is appealing to her? Third, so this is Dollhouse but with androids. And finally... I feel like this is very not in keeping with the rest of the universe. Like nothing else they can do is on the level of making people immortal. It's such an outlier skill/offering.

Replacing the Enterprise crew with androids--Kirk doesn't like that.

Better than Leningrad...

I am intrigued by the concept that the androids both want to serve and want to study people. Like it does make sense, they can't serve if they don't understand, but it has just that little bit of subtle creepiness to it, which I appreciate.

Kirk cannot be bought. I love episodes where everyone else is, to some extent, tempted by something, like utopia or soft animals or android servants, and Kirk is just like "I'm already living my best life as Captain of the Enterprise so thanks but no thanks."

Spock stepping in to this conversation just reads to me like the smart kid in class waving his hand to answer a question. Like he was not involved in this but he hears a question and he must answer it. "I know what human unhappiness is!! I know!"

THE ENTERPRISE IS A BEAUTIFUL LADY AND WE LOVE HER.

There is nothing tougher to overcome than a sense of purpose. Love that line. Honestly, among other things, I think it describes Kirk and his heroism well. He has a sense of purpose!! And he cannot be swayed.

And now the androids are becoming more like the threatening robots you expect: humans are imperfect/flawed/lacking in logic, can't be trusted to roam free, but are easily pacified with baubles and shiny things, so the robots will make everything better by simply distracting them with whatever they might want, thus saving them, and the universe, from themselves. “You species needs our help…We shall take care of them  You will be happy and controlled.”

I wonder a little bit if this is what happened to the Makers. Like, I know their official cause of death was Exploding Sun/old age…but as my mom pointed out, if the robots DO have the ability to grant immortality in the form of robot bodies, why didn’t the Makers take it? Because the robots made life boring?

Kirk admits to no longer be amused. Uh, yeah, this USED to be hilarious, but is it still hilarious? No.

Pointy-eared thinking machine. YOUR pointy-eared thinking machine, specifically.

Kirk and Spock are operating like a hive mind.

Spock would NEVER sell false patents to Amanda, she is awesome.

And now we’re officially in “Kirk versus the machine and Kirk wins” territory. I do like this type of narrative, so this isn’t a complaint.

Finally, he’s fully enjoying himself too.

I love the fake out with Uhura “betraying” them.

…Okay this is just wacky lol. That’s my only commentary.

Can you imagine the Vulcans seeing this? Not only are the humans acting strangely but SPOCK is too. He’s playing along with the fun and games! How weird of him.

And the head of the androids bites the dust, done in by the old “liar lies” conundrum.

The satisfaction Kirk gets from saying "I am not programmed to respond in that area."

And now he gets to listen to the soothing sounds of Bones and Spock gently mocking each other.

Some of Mudd’s androids have the same dresses as the women in Mudd’s Women.

Not super keen on Mudd's eternal punishment being having to live with many versions of his irritating wife.

And that was the ep. I don’t have much else to say about it. I think What Are Little Girls Made Of? did the androids who’ve outlived the civilization that made them concept a lot better, and overall, as far as sci fi narratives go, this ep didn’t contribute much of anything that hasn’t been said or done before. Not that every story has to be ground breaking, but I just mean, as a sci fi story, it wasn’t fantastic, and as a humorous story, it was… decent, but maybe not as much my thing? I don’t know. Surreal.

It does bother me that we never find out how Norman got on the Enterprise in the first place lol. Like, does Starfleet not have security measures? Can anyone with a uniform just beam right on?

Next ep is Metamorphosis, which, while it does have some uh problematic gender stuff, is also all about LOVE and has my favorite Kirk speech in it so it’s one of my faves. 

[antecedentlypod]

EPISODE 4 TRANSCRIPT

[OPENING MUSIC]

LORRIE

Fish is here today; gonna sit in while I read to make sure I’m like... drinking water and stuff? [a bit distantly] Say hi to the mic!

[FISH LAUGHS]

FISH

Huh? Oh--uh, hi! Um, I’m just kinda here to listen--if I’m paying attention. I’m probably going to be on my phone for most of it. But, um, if I do, I will provide some glowing commentary.

LORRIE

Ah yes, the noises of disgust and fear will be a lovely addition to the audiobook.

FISH

Well I mean, they’re, like, fairy tales, right? So, hopefully, there won’t be too much disgust if yo--Well okay I guess some of them are, like, pretty dark. But,[Lorrie snorts in the background] um, if I do have any gripes with it, it will provide a much-needed change of pace from whatever monotony this usually is.

LORRIE

Okay, well, rude, for one. And for two-- take one of “The Devil's Sooty Brother”, read by Lorrie Adams.

[SCENE CUT FOLLOWED BY FISH LAUGHING]

LORRIE (CONT)

[fond annoyance] Shut the fuck up. Shut up! Stop laughing!

FISH

[still laughing] I’m sorry, I’m sorry! It’s just--We’re on the fourth take and you keep messing up the same two words! I’m getting kinda concerned for you.

LORRIE

[splutters] Clearly you don’t appreciate that I’m dyslexic! It’s a--it’s a process! 

FISH

Right, okay, sorry.

LORRIE

Take three of-- 

[SCENE CUT]

FISH

Mhm.

LORRIE

Fuck it--last take for the night. [Fish laughs] No--no! You stop that! You’re not helping with this process! Is there a specific reason you had to say that the devil’s brother was actually slutty and not sooty?

FISH

Well yeah because it sounded like you said “the devil’s slutty brother” which is like--objectively hilarious? And much better; so I think, legally, they need to change it.

LORRIE

[through giggles] Y'know what? Fuck it! This story is now called “The Devil’s Slutty Brother”. Literally everything else is the same, save for that one word.

FISH

UH, well how, uh, how much is the publishing company going to enjoy that? Are these for kids?

[LORRIE CUTS HER OFF WITH A GROAN]

LORRIE

I don’t, I don’t fucking know! But-- [sound of annoyance]. Take twelve of “The Devil’s Slutty Brother”, read by Lorrie Adams.

FISH

[through a laugh] Hey kids! [Lorrie begins to laugh] This is “The Devil’s Slutty Brother” Hope you like--hope you like it! Uh, fucking, Billie.

[LORRIE SHUSHES HER]

LORRIE

A discharged soldier—

FISH

[Cutting Lorrie off] After this we can throw the pigskin around!

LORRIE

Shut up!

FISH

Sorry! I’m sorry, I’m sorry! Okay, okay, go.

LORRIE (STORY)

A discharged soldier had nothing to live on and no longer knew what to do with his life.-

FISH

[in the background] Kin.

LORRIE (STORY)

-so he went out into the forest and after walking for a while, he met a little man who was actually the devil himself.

FISH

Most little men that I meet are actually the devil.

LORRIE

[through giggles] Not Danny DeVito!

FISH

Oh--I love Danny DeVito!

LORRIE (STORY)

I—[splutters]. “What’s the matter?” The little man said to him, “You look so gloomy.” “I’m hungry and have no money,” said the soldier. If you’re ho- 

FISH

I really do kin this man. This man is me. This--This is a story about me. I am the devil’s slutty brother.

[BOTH LAUGH]

LORRIE (STORY)

[groans, but is amused] If you hire-

FISH

Maybe the real slutty brother was the friends we made along the way!

[BOTH LAUGH AGAIN]

LORRIE

Let me read the story! I’ve gotten like two paragraphs in!

FISH

I’m sorry, I’m sorry! But my commentary is just that good! I’m enhancing the experience! Whoever you send this to I am so sorry, get well soon.

LORRIE (STORY)

“If you hire yourself out to me and will be my servant,” The devil said, “You’ll have enough for the rest of your life but you’ve got to serve me for seven years, and after that, you will be free. There is just one other thing I’ve got to tell you. You’re not allowed to wash yourself, comb your hair, trim your beard, cut your nails or hair, or wipe your eyes”

LORRIE

That’s kinda gross.

FISH

Wha--wipe your eye--isn’t that when you get those fuckin little like crusty thi--oh no! How many, how many--seven years?

LORRIE

Seven years.-

FISH

Ew.

LORRIE

-In hell. Not even allowed to wipe the fuckin eye boogies out of his eyes.

FISH

I don’t that at-oh, ew--I don’t like that you call them eye boogies. Take that back right now. [lorrie laughs] Never speak to me again!

LORRIE (STORY)

“If that’s the way it must be then lets get on with it.” The soldier said and he went away with the little man, who led him straight to hell and told him what his chores were. He was to tend to the fires under the kettles in which the damned souls were sitting, sweep the house clean and carry the first out the door, and keep everything in order. However, he was never to peek into the kettles or things would go badly for him.

“I understand,” said the soldier. “I’ll take good care of everything.” So the old devil set out on his travels and the soldier began his duty. He put fuel in the fire, swept and carried the dirt out the door, and did everything just as he was ordered. When the old devil returned, he checked to see if everything had been done according to his instruction, nodded his approval, and went off again.

Now, for the first time, the soldier took a good look around hell. There were kettles all about and they were boiling and bubbling with tremendous fires underneath each one of them. He woul—

FISH

Can I make an educated guess; a prediction if you will. A hypothesis.

LORRIE

Go--go for it

FISH

He’s definitely gonna look in those pots. Is he gonna drink them? I don’t know what's in there but I hope he takes a--

LORRIE

[overlapping] I hope not! That sounds nasty!

FISH

Hope he takes a good long sip of whateher the fuck is in there [lorrie laughs quietlty] Maybe it’s like, um... I don’t think we’re allowed to mention Disney properties, nevermind [they laugh]

[LORRIE GROANS]

FISH (CONT)

I don’t wanna get sued.

LORRIE

Me neither!

LORRIE (STORY)

He would have given his life to know what was in them if the devil had not strictly forbidden it. Finally, he could no longer restrain himself; he lifted the lid of the first kettle a little and looked inside only to see his old sergeant-

[FISH GASPS]

FISH

[overlapping] I’m a genius!

LORRIE (STORY)

[are you done yet?] -sitting there.

LORRIE

It was— it was an obvious—

FISH

[overlapping] wait, what's sitting there?

LORRIE

-set up. It was an obvious set up.

FISH

yeah , yeah but--okay, shut up. I’m, no, I’m just smart. No, oh my god I’m like the children-

LORRIE

[overlapping] Okay, yes you’re a genius.

FISH

I’m like the children on Dora.

[LORRIE LAUGHS AND SHUSHES FISH]

LORRIE (STORY)

[triumphant] “Aha, you crumb!”

[FISH LAUGHS IN THE BACKGROUND]

LORRIE

[appalled] Wh-what the fuck does that mean?

FISH

[just as appalled] you what?? Wait, okay--what was in the pot?

LORRIE

Um, his old sergeant was sitting in the pot.

FISH

Oh, right, he’s a--he’s a soldier

LORRIE

He’s a soldier.

FISH

Okay th—

LORRIE (STORY)

[overlapping] Aha yo—

FISH

Is that an insult?

LORRIE

I... assume so? Given the context.

FISH

[overlapping] Wait, okay, hold up. Gimme a second I’m gonna look it up. You can keep reading. I'm just gonna interrupt and tell you what that means.

LORRIE (STORY)

“Aha, you crumb!” He said. “Fancy meeting you here. You used to step on me, but now I’ve got you under my foot.” He let the lid drop quickly, stirred the fire, and added fresh wood. After that, he moved to the second kettle, lifted the lid a little and peeked inside. There sat his lieutenant. “Aha you crumb!”

LORRIE

Why does he keep saying this?

FISH

Okay, ummmm, [lorrie hms] Apparently it means ‘a worthless person’

LORRIE

Oh.

FISH

Ouch.

LORRIE

Nasty.

FISH

Damn. He went for the throat on that one.

LORRIE (STORY)

[overlapping] “Aha you crumb times two!” He said, “Fancy meeting you here. You used to step on me but now I’ve got you under my foot.” He shut the lid again and added a little more log to the fire to make it really good and hot for him.

Now he wanted to see who was sitting in the third kettle, and it turned out to be his General.

LORRIE

Did these people just not treat him well? Jesus fuck.

FISH

[contemplative] I mean... I gue--well. [Lorrie snorts] Do you think that all sol--okay nevermind this isn’t gonna be a conversation we’re gonna have right now!

LORRIE

No, no, not right now.

FISH

I was like, that’s gonna get really dark. [she laughs]

LORRIE

Mmh, no!

LORRIE (STORY)

“Aha you crumb, times three! Fancy meeting you here, You used to step on me--step on me, but now I’ve got you under my foot.” He got out of bellows and pumped it until the fires of hell was blazing hot under him.

And so it was that he served out his seven years in hell. He never washed, comped himself, trimmed his beard, cut his nails or wiped his eyes. The seven years passed so quickly that he was convinced that only six months had gone by. When his time was completely up, the devil said; “Well Hans, what have you been doing all this time?”

“I’ve tended the fires under the kettles, and I’ve swept and carried the dirt out the door.”

“But you also peeked into the kettles. Well, you’re just lucky you added more wood into the fire because otherwise you would have forgot--forfeited your life.

LORRIE

Wow.

FISH

Oh, woah there.

LORRIE (STORY)

“Now, your time is up. Do you want to go back home?”

“Yes,” said the soldier, “I’d like to see how my father’s doing at home.”

“Alright, if you want your pro— [background noise]

LORRIE

[bewildered] Hello??

LORRIE (STORY)

“Alright, if you want to get your proper reward, you must go and fill your knapsack with the dirt you swept up and take it home with you; and you must also go unwashed and uncombed with long hair on your head and a long beard with uncut nails and with bleary eyes. And if anyone asks you where you’re coming from, you’ve got to say from hell. And if anyone asks—

FISH

[overlapping] He’s gotta smell like shit and look like Merlin.

LORRIE

Probably, after seven years? Like--fuck.

FISH

[overlapping] Yeah. [much quieter] Ew.

LORRIE (STORY)

“And if anyone asks where you’re coming from you’ve got to say from hell. And if anyone asks who you are, say ‘I am the devil’s slutty brother and my king is well.’ 

[FISH LAUGHS IN THE BACKGROUND, LORRIE LAUGHS SLIGHTLY AS HE CONTINUES]

LORRIE (STORY, CONT)

The soldier said nothing. Indeed, he carried out the devil’s instructions but he was not at all satisfied with the reward. As soon as he was out in the forest again, he took the knapsack and wanted to shake it out, but when he opened it he discovered that the dirt had turned into pure gold.

“Never in my life would I have imagined that,” said the soldier, who was delighted and went into the city. An in keeper wa—

FISH

[overlapping] wasn’t it like, um, [Lorrie hmms] to make--to make diamonds, don’t they compress like... some kinda rock or some shit?

LORRIE

I think it’s coal. I think they compress co--that might not be right.

FISH

So like... same dif, but with dirt an--nevermind, that's not how that works.

LORRIE

[decisively] Okay.

LORRIE (STORY)

An innkeeper was standing in front of his inn as Hans approached, and when he caught sight of Hans, the innkeeper was terrified because the soldier looked so dreadful, even more frightening than a scarecrow.

LORRIE

Scarecrows aren’t scary.

FISH

[in the background] I like scarecrows!

LORRIE

It’s not hard to be scarier than a scarecrow.

FISH

They’re friend shaped!

LORRIE

They are friend shaped--

FISH

[overlapping] I wanna give 'em a lil smooch.

LORRIE

[overlapping]--I agree.

LORRIE (STORY He called out to him and asked; “where are you coming from?”

“From hell!

“Who are you?”

“The devil’s slutty brother, and my king is well.” [Fish laughs] The innkeep did not want to let him inside, but when Hans showed him the gold he went and unlatched the door himself. Then hans ordered his—the best room and insisted on the finest service. He ate and drank his fill— 

FISH

[chanting] I hate capitalists, I hate capitalists, I hate capitalists, I hate capitalists—

LORRIE

[amused] I—I know, I know. I know. I do too, it’s fine.

FISH

Consume the rich! Vore the rich!

LORRIE (STORY)

He ate and drank his fill, but did not wash or comb himself as the devil had instructed. Finally, he lay down to sleep but the innkeeper could not get the knapsack of gold out of his mind. Just the thought of it left him no peace. So, he crept into the room during the night and stole it. So when Hans got up—

FISH (BACKGROUND)

What a dick move.

LORRIE (STORY)

the next morning and went to pay the innkeeper before leaving, his knapsack was gone! [Lorrie and Fish both gasp loudly] However, he wasted no words and thought ‘it’s not your fault that this happened’, and he turned straight around and went straight back to hell, where he complained about his misfortune to the devil and asked for help.

“Sit down,” Said the devil, “I’m going to wash and comb you, trim your beard, cut your hair and nails and wash out your eyes.”

FISH

I was gonna say, really bold of him to complain about misfortune to Lucifer, but… [Lorrie begins to laugh in the background] He’s kinda a chill guy! It seems like he’s just vibin!

LORRIE

[overlapping] Uh, yeah he seems kinda cool!

FISH

He’s like “yeah, yeah I’ll give you money if you just, like, do some chores.” He’s basically my mom! [Lorrie snorts] And then he just gives him a little bath! Maybe they’re in love.

LORRIE

Yeah!

FISH

Oh—wait, no, they’re brothers. Is that incest? I mean I know they’re not like actually related but he calls himself his brother so question mark?

LORRIE

Okay, okay, we’re not going down this road. 

FISH

[through giggles] I’m sorry!

LORRIE (STORY)

When he was finished with the soldier he gave him a knapsack full of dirt and said ; “Go there and tell the innkeeper to give you back your gold, otherwise I will come and fetch him, and he’ll have to tend the fires in your place.”

Hans went back up and said to the innkeeper “You stole my money, and if you don’t give it back you’ll go to hell in my place and look just as awful as I did.” The innkeeper gave him back the money and even more besides, then he begged him to be quiet about what had happened. 

Now Hans was a rich man and set out on his way home, he bought himself a pair of rough linen overalls and wandered here and there playing music, for he had learned that from the Devil in hell. 

LORRIE

Dude—Lucifer is just fucking vibing.

FISH

Yeah I’m really—I would maybe sign up to have- to be the devil's servant. He could give me some money and teach me how to play the fiddle, then I could go compete with a man in Georgia… [Lorrie snorts] And, I mean, all I would really have to deal with is looking like shit for a little bit but I already don’t take showers so it's fine!

LORRIE

We get it, you’re depressed. 

FISH

[Through giggles] Shut up! Shut up!!

LORRIE (STORY)

Once he happened to play for an old king in a certain country and the king was so pleased that he promised Hans his oldest daughter’s hand in marriage. However, When he he—when she heard that she was supposed to marry a commoner in white overalls, she said “I’ll go drown myself in the deepest lake before I do that.” So the king gave Hans—

FISH

[overlapping] Nevermind, I kin this woman.

LORRIE (STORY)

[slowly and deliberately] His youngest daughter [A short pause followed by laughter] Who was willing to marry him out of love for her father.

FISH

[overlapping] Me too. I would rather drown myself than marry a man! Me too, queen!

[LORRIE AND FISH BOTH LAUGH]

LORRIE

Y’know what? That’s completely fair.

FISH

Yeah!

LORRIE (STORY)

So the devil’s slutty brother got the king's daughter, and when the old king died, he got the whole kingdom as well. [book page turns] 

LORRIE

And that’s… the end of that.

FISH

That's the end? 

LORRIE

That’s the—I guess he got a happy ending. Good for him.

FISH

I was expecting that to end in some kind of, like, horrifically karmic… I don’t know what the next word in that sentence was gonna be, but it was gonna be something. Um—

LORRIE

[overlapping] Retribution? 

FISH

Retribution! There’s the word, thank you. 

LORRIE

Yeah, of course.

FISH

Um, but—yeah! Honestly the devil just seems like a chill guy, I’m kinda down with him. Maybe he deserves rights. Also, since the beginning of this, like our commentary at the start of it I have been imagining him as Danny DeVito. So, [Lorrie laughs] I think that impacted how much I liked him.

LORRIE

Lucifer is now Danny DeVito. But, I am going to have to re-record this properly again later! But, y’know, this was really fun, I… I wanna do this more.

FISH

Awe! Sap.

LORRIE

[splutters] Sh-Shut up! I do need to read one more story today, so shoo Fishy! I need a proper recording space to get into the zone for it.

FISH

[playful mocking] oooohh… the zone.

LORRIE

[long-suffering sigh] sush! 

FISH

Fucking lame, you’re such a dork. Okay, um, I mean I was having a good time.

LORRIE

Shoo, shoo, be gone, thot. 

[FISH SCOFFS]

FISH

I’m not the devil’s brother. [Lorrie snorts] Okay, um, I will see you later, have fun.

LORRIE

Love you, bye.

FISH

Yeah, whatever.

LORRIE

[more tired sounding than before] Alright, [he clears his throat] This next story is [pages turning] where the fuck is it? [more page turning] A Tale of Parch and Flesh, take one-

[SCENE CUT]

Take six, A Tale of Parch and Flesh-

LORRIE (STORY)

Once upon a time, in a world of dust and nothing, there was war. Where once there had been great kingdoms, stood tall and proud with their many flags and castles, you will find  a wasteland should you be unlucky enough to stumble upon it. It is all unforgiving heat and torrential downpours of dirt and waste, spurred on by humid wind. In this nuclear nation of ours, where we few left, are worth nothing more than the roaches that flood the streets. In the distance, rusted trumpets can be heard going through the notes of a tired battle cry, footsteps to the beat of angry drums and a choir of shots and shouts for as long as they stay distant anyway.

There are bodies strewn across this desert floor, almost fit to cover the sand completely. Those who brave going outside to step around, and between the stiffs on tiptoes, perhaps for fear that one might reach out and grab them. Or that they might join that carpet of corpses and rot. But folks like us? We stay inside, we fiddle with the buttons on the radio, sorting through static for the couple of stations left. One plays music we are too young to recognize, and the other queues up to our king. He is old, and greying, and tired; in a tower that hardly stands, and he is speaking into a busted microphone.

“It’s alright,” He tells us, “There is nothing to worry about.” 

He says that war is just a word the enemy has invented to threaten us, that our kingdom will, of course, prevail. That he has sent his army out to protect us, that they are fighting nobly for a just cause. Those who would have known that cause by name died out long before you and I. There is no justice here. There is nothing but gore and the endless marching of mindless flesh. The dust fills our lungs, but can not state our stomachs, so we feed on roach and rodent, and each other as I’ve heard on occasion. Mothers pat their weeping children’s heads, hushing them through the thunder of bombs and anguished screams.

“It’s alright,” they say, “There is nothing to worry about.”

What a curse, I think, to bring a child into a place like this. One where they will know nothing but a desolate world full of desperate people. Now picture with me, reader, that you are on the front lines; you can feel the sun baking you through, can nearly feel your blood boiling beneath it. This is not what you signed up for. Your uniform is heavy and hot, and you can not tell if what cakes your face is paint, dirt, or the blood of the men you’ve gunned down. Your eyes are just as heavy, if not more, for you have not met sleep. You crawl, and you hide, and you cower. And you stay so quiet you sometimes forget to breathe, because maybe if you make yourself silent—make yourself small enough—you will simply cease to be. You are granted no such mercy.

When it is not hot, it is colder than anything, and you feel it in the core of you. From your weary feet to the unkempt hair under your helmet, you look around for solidarity from the soldiers at your side, but they stare ahead and do not blink and say nothing, like memorial statues in the making. You can’t recall if you’ve ever heard anything from them but cries to move, move, move. In fact, you can’t even remember their names, but you suppose you’ll read them on the plaques

You stare at the fox hole massive route and rock in front of you and watch the growing hive of bugs in and in and in, and not come back out. Your leader parrots the words of your king; you are fighting a just cause, you are doing what needs to be done. There are people to defend and a nation to make a name for. Those who stare down the barrel of your gun are not men, but beasts who must be tamed or put down. But you looked him in the eye when you shot, and he looked just like you. So,” I’m sorry,” you say, but only one of you can make it out of this place and you’ve been here too long for it to not be you. 

And that's what you don’t know; that there is no out. There is hardly a before, and there will not be an after. All your feet know is how to step into line, your helmet has become a shell, whatever is packed on your face has dug its way into your pores beneath your skin and has made a home there. The medals and pins on your chest seem to pierce straight through your skin, and the dirt and dust in your lungs belongs there just as much as your blood and bone. Have your ears ever known not to ring? Have you ever spoken and felt your throat not to be hoarse? Are you any less a beast than those which you end? 

But you are not on the front lines, are you? No. And you are nut huddled with me behind a rusted door, or letting your shaking mother smother your fries with false reassurances. You are safe in bed, perhaps driving to work, sitting at your desk finishing your dinner.  But you have been brought into a desolate world full of desperate people, and it is not alright. 

The end.

LORRIE

[struggling to find the right words] That was… unsettling. These stories just seem to get more and more and more unsettling as time goes on! Not to mention the headaches I’ve been getting while reading them. Like—what kind of story would be giving you a migraine! They’re all different stories, y’know, so it’s just a matter of—I dunno. Maybe my eyes are just getting tired or something. Maybe I’m getting sick too. Fish and I have both been feeling under the weather.

But… I think I should invest in some reading glasses. End recording.

[CLOSING MUSIC]

[davetheshady]

may I politely request ⭐dealer's choice director's commentary⭐for pretty much any part of Love is All You Need to Destroy Your Enemies?

Did you mean: infodump about Chapter 5?

We start off in medias res during Pteranodon Attack-Gate from Episode 4: PTA Meeting. Since most of the fic runs parallel to WTNV’s storyline for the first ~two years, the way I narrowed down which events to feature was to read through the transcripts and take note of which ones had Carlos, which ones featured science/magic/time travel-related elements, which ones had weird discrepancies or unsolved details that could be explained by Carlos/science/magic/time travel/all of the above, and which ones I just liked a lot. 

Incidentally, Cecil issues a correction that the winged reptiles in question were actually pterodactyls, not pteranodons, which was then promptly forgotten by the showrunners lol.

"—And then Kelly pulled her hamstring while they were doing the Fixing of a Nail position. I'm trying to convince her that she and Joe should do yoga together, I think it would really cut back on minor injuries and also they both look great in yoga pants. Anything new with you, Carlos?"

"Nothing that compares to... hamstring injuries," says Carlos, from his position on top of the Sciencemobile.

"All right," says Kate, adjusting an enormous pair of mirrored aviator shades. "Then describe the Barstow formation."

Since literal character doubling was such an important part of the plot, I had a lot of fun with thematic character doubling, too. Carlos and Kate (and the other grad students) are actually pretty close in age, and here we see her willing to put herself into danger to get the job done while casually chatting with her colleagues. Also, there’s a nice dose of karma for the books in Carlos having to deal with someone else oversharing details about their relationships, compounded by the fact that unlike his all of Kate’s are actually true. (In nicer doubling news: Kate is the one who gets her degree in science, has functional romantic relationships, AND continues to work in Night Vale, which are all eventually Carlos’ hashtag life goals.) 

"Maybe it was future you," asks Julie, who does not sound appropriately concerned for the potentially diverted course of the Currents of Time. Or for the potentially diverted course of the already unlinear life of Carlos.

This is the first conversation where she’s ‘Julie’ in his mental narration. I enjoyed having her be hilariously unsympathetic to his concerns here, because her priorities are still very different, but it also sets up a baseline. She doesn’t bother worrying about hypotheticals from the weird shit, but actual hard data (like, Carlos not sleeping and having minor breakdowns in her lab) is what prompts her to share reactions besides SCIENCE! and snark.

His stomach roils at the thought of more time travel. "Some kind of illusion is more likely," he says: some person or creature temporarily assuming his form, probably for sinister purposes. He reluctantly adds those weird doubles from the sandstorm to his list of possible suspects, though his dissolved right in front of him in the middle of next March and there haven't been any sandstorms recently.

oh hey haha what’s that

One of my biggest pet peeves in fiction is when allegedly intelligent characters ignore obvious plot points so the writer can railroad the story in their chosen direction. On the other hand, it is genuinely difficult to avoid spoiling your plot twists if your main character is actively trying to figure them out. I leaned heavily on “the character has all the basic details… along with so much other information they can’t realistically narrow it down”, combined with some red herrings: an obvious one (illusion magic) and hopefully a more convincing one (time travel as the only relevant plot: it's DEFINITELY involved, but its presence is obscuring another facet of the plot altogether).

There's always a risk that astute readers will figure it out, but, like… so? That just means instead of shocking plot twist reveal, they get an “I KNEW IT!” reveal, which is equally satisfying in a different way. As long as the characters have convincing reasons for not figuring it out, it's hopefully still enjoyable to follow along with them as they wander around in the dark. 

(And just for clarification: that was Doppel-Carlos crashing the town hall meeting when he and Dr. Raith were testing out time vortices.) 

Andre hands him a copy of the Night Vale Daily Journal. “’Look your best to face the void. Smooth-chinned souls are most enjoyed’,” reads Carlos. “‘Burma-Shave.’”

"No, below the ads," says Andre.

1) ‘character reads wrong piece of information in paper’ is a classic goof (“There’s a sale at Penney’s!”) and I found it very amusing to repeatedly attribute it to Carlos, since he’s genuinely trying to locate the important information. Unfortunately for him, he lives in Night Vale and no longer has a filter for “useless nonsense”, because even the nonsense has proven relevant and/or kinda murdery before.

2) Burma-Shave! This was passed down to me as part of our Great American Roadtrip Family Lore (I come from a long line of roadtrippers) and it’s definitely the kind of kitschy 50s detail that fits so well in Night Vale.

"Oh!" says Cecil. "What were you studying?"

"Bioremediation for contaminated pit lakes via sulfur-reducing bacteria," says Carlos truthfully.

Why? Because I edited one of my friends’ papers on it, that’s why. (Birds kept landing on it and dying, which is also a very Night Vale detail.)

When he returns, he finds Cecil standing by the record player with his back against the wall, staring fixedly at Carlos’ vinyl copy of Ixnay on the Hombre.

One of the DF books (I think White Night) had a hilariously high number of characters showing up wearing band t-shirts, and Carlos’ was for The Offspring. (The original file name for this fic was Original Prankster, back when I thought it would be three chapters long.)

“It’s about a wizard stranded in a strange, uncharted desert territory,” [Cactus Judy] says serenely.

Cactus Jane! I decided to make her a recurring character because 1) she’s in a time travel episode (Episode 18: The Traveler), 2) both she and TMITJ had the detail where no one can remember their real name, which seemed significant, and 3) WTNV itself did not have very many recurring female characters at that point. She’s into Shakespeare because I personally knew a lot of relevant Shakespeare quotes, but also as a hint that’s she’s a lot older (and thus a lot more supernatural) than she seems: Shakespeare was a HUGE part of pop culture in the 19th century, particularly in the southwest. Theater companies used to make more money going on tour through states with precious metal mines than they did during their whole season in the big coastal cities, probably because jaded city folks never threw gold nuggets on stage to show their appreciation.

If life is a contest between good and evil, Cecil would be one of the people handing out stickers just for participating.

This is one of my favorite lines.

My plan is fool-proof! It's sheer elegance in its simplicity!

Look, if you enjoyed this fic, WTNV, and/or The Dresden Files, you should probably go watch The Middleman. Yes, I know it’s not streaming, do it anyway. Load up on antivenom and go rent it from your local library.

“Could you [create a time vortex]?""Oh, for sure," says Carlos. "All I'd need would be a couple years to do nothing but work on a highly illegal spell and figure out a way to steal an entire ley-line's worth of power and excise my sense of morality and self-preservation.”

And WHAT are the odds of THAT

It's not that Carlos doesn't like him. It just wouldn't be fair to lead him on when Carlos wouldn't actually—

Well, Carlos wouldn’t mind asking but he doesn’t normally go for—

Okay, Carlos could definitely make an exception for Cecil and—

And—

oh NO he accidentally used logic to make himself admit he has FEELINGS

One of the reasons I love this pairing is that you have Cecil, who is incredibly emotionally open (all the time, on public radio) as a distinct contrast to Carlos, who is so used to putting up a very specific facade that he even does it to himself and then struggles when he doesn't have it to rely on. It creates conflict, but it also means they have very different perspective they can share with each other. 

"Did the earth move for you, too?" says Cecil.

"Bwuh?" replies Carlos.

"At the monitoring station," says Cecil, because right, they're talking about science and not about how Carlos may or may not have accidentally developed a tiny, tiny crush on Cecil, who is standing right in front of him and looking extremely interested in what he's saying and will commit his words to memory and lovingly repeat them for all the world, or at least all of Night Vale and anyone else who received the same odd death curse as Carlos, to hear.

"Oh. Hmm – unh," replies Carlos, then shakes his head. Not talking, that's the way to go. That way he won't accidentally say something he doesn't mean, or worse, something he does mean but probably shouldn't say. Cecil can ask him science questions and he can shake his head yes or no, and maybe refer him wordlessly to supplementary materials, and it will all be very professional and—

"Where did you get your shirt?" asks Cecil. "It fits you so well."

"I'll look at my notes and computer models and see if I can figure out what's going on," Carlos blurts out, and practically runs from the room.

One of the reasons I started writing this fic (SEPTEMBER 2013, BABY god I feel old) was because we all knew Carlos was immensely important to Cecil, but had relatively little information about him, and ALL of it was filtered through our unreliable narrator. So… I just kind of ran with that. 

But on top of the obvious unreliability of “didn't notice Carlos was a wizard from a different series”, I wanted to do it on the smaller scale, too, and put a different spin on the touchstones of their growing relationship that everyone was already familiar with. So this interaction is now a crisis for both of them, and for dramatically/hilariously different reasons. 

“If you’re worried about going native, I’ve got bad news for you, buddy, because you do more chanting than anyone I’ve met.”

Another one of my favorite lines.

“I’ve had to hunt down people I know before, and trust me, it’s not a fun date night!”

Between Molly and fanon interpretations of Cecil, Carlos’ type is apparently 1) weird tattoos, 2) unusually-colored hair, and 3) can kill him

There's a brief hiss from the TV's speakers, and then Cecil says, in a small, forlorn voice, “I don't know if he listens to me, sometimes.”

Carlos puts his head down and laughs bitterly.

I LOVE IRONY 

But even though I wanted to subvert the surface meaning, Cecil DOES still have a point. He got a good look at Carlos’ soul when they first met and still fell in love instantly, but Carlos has a difficult time hearing that because at this point he fundamentally does not believe he’s worthy of that kind of love. In order to truly believe Cecil, he also has to start learning to love and accept himself. (It’s very much a work in progress, but nobody’s perfect.) The title isn’t just meant to refer to romantic love – self-love, friendship, familial love, and unconditional love for the humanity of his trash fire town are equally important, because they all support each other.

hmu for more dvd commentary!

[mustlovemustypages]

Yuletide 2019 Letter

Dear potential writer,

I’m so incredibly excited that it’s Yuletide season again and I hope you are as well. Thank you for reading my letter and also thank you in advance for anything you decide to write for me!

Below are my desired fandoms and pairings along with story ideas that I would love to see written. Please don’t feel stifled by my prompts; I’ve also listed my general likes and dislikes at the very bottom of this letter if you decide to go a different route.

Peanuts:

Characters: Charlie Brown and Lucy van Pelt

This is my most unusual request, so I figured it best to put it out there first. I grew up both reading the Peanuts comics and watching the various Charlie Brown movies/television specials, so this is fueled by pure nostalgia upon seeing the nomination in the tag set.

Even as a kid before knowing what shipping was, I wanted desperately to see Charlie Brown and Lucy get together. Their back-and-forth banter with Lucy’s sharp remarks and Charlie Brown’s wry sense of humor is perfection. I don’t often request things too far from canon, but I would love to see a story with them as adults and how even though they didn't see eye-to-eye as children, over the years they have become just what the other needs.

Story ideas:

It's their high school class reunion, and it's been years since the Peanuts gang have all been in one place. Charlie Brown and Lucy are either already together, surprising the other characters by how well they get along and know each other, or everyone at the reunion sees how perfect they would be together except for them.

Lucy becomes a psychiatrist (although she charges way more than 5 cents for advice now) and Charlie Brown a child social worker. They run into each other by coincidence while they're both dealing with difficult cases and help each other cope.

Charlie Brown has recently broken up with the Little Redhead Girl and Lucy with Schroeder right before the holidays. Both disillusioned, they run into each other in the big city and decide that what they need is a road trip back home. Amazing banter ensues.

Similar to the last prompt, both Charlie Brown and Lucy have recently broken up with their respective partners. Not wanting to go back home for the holidays single, they decide to give the ridiculous, we'll-never-fall-for-each-other fake relationship thing a go.

The Boys (TV 2019):

Characters: Starlight|Annie January and Hughie Campbell

Just when I thought nothing new could be brought to the superhero genre, Amazon comes out with this smashing success. It reminds me of X-Men in a way due to the social commentary made by several of the plotlines. I especially appreciate how the show comments on celebrity status and social media.

Aside from that, far and away one of the best things about the show is the relationship between Annie and Hughie. Even in the midst of so much corruption, these two characters somehow remain so earnest and pure. The fact that they formed a connection on that bench before even knowing the other's name speaks volumes about their respective characters and chemistry.

Story ideas:

Despite being integral to the plot, it was crushing to see the moment Annie realized Hughie had been using her to enact revenge. Canon divergence where Hughie tells her the truth almost right from the get-go and Annie immediately is onboard to help would be really fun to read!

Another fun twist would be if Butcher approached Annie instead of Hughie for help, and she agreed to act as a double agent. The scene at the bench still goes down as does the one where Hughie realizes Annie is Starlight (although he's a real photographer). Perhaps Annie sneaks off to do some double agenting and Hughie follows. Annie almost gets caught and pretends to be dating Hughie as a cover.

After the explosive conversation with her mother and finding out she wasn't born with her powers like she thought, Annie tracks down Hughie to rant.

Season 2 can't come soon enough. I would be interested in speculation of what could happen next as long as it includes Hughie/Annie!

Impulse (TV 2018):

Characters: Henrietta “Henry” Coles, Lucas Boone, Jenna Hope, Townes Linderman

This show became a surprise favorite of mine in 2018, mostly because it’s on YouTube Red and I haven’t given most of their original shows much thought. Also because it tackles rape and recovery in such a raw and interesting way, especially in the context of a sci-fi show.

I just need more Henry Coles. If you want to do a romantic relationship, I’d prefer seeing something explored with Lucas Boone or her canon love interest Josh (who was only in 2 episodes but really seemed to “get” Henry). Otherwise, gen stories between Henry and any/all of the tag set characters would be great. Season 2 is just now coming out as I write this, so feel free to ignore or include it as desired. I tried to keep the prompts general enough that they can apply to either season.

Story Ideas:

Henry will never be fully “recovered” in the sense that one can never truly recover from rape. It will always have an impact on her life. The other characters get that and try to help her in any way they can.

While Lucas is aware of what his brother did to Henry, he has no idea of the real impact. I’d love a story where he learns more about her seizures and the way her anxiety/fears manifest themselves as teleportation.

Hurt/comfort in all forms because Henry has been hurt enough for a lifetime, but she could do with a whole lot more comfort. Either within the confines of season 1 or imagined opportunities for comfort in season 2.

We get the story from mostly Henry’s perspective, but I’m sure a lot is going on in the minds of Lucas, Jenna, Townes, and Anna as the events of season 1 play out.

The Folk of the Air

Characters: Cardan Greenbriar and Jude Duarte

Holly Black is an evil genius and I bow down to her greatness. Starting off the first book in this series, I never would have imagined that by the end I’d be rooting for Jude and Cardan to be together, but here we are.

They are the ultimate enemies-to-lovers and I can’t wait to see what happens to them in the third book coming in November.

Story ideas:

Maybe I'm unrealistically optimistic, but despite Jude’s betrayal at the end of the first book and Cardan's at the end of the second, I think these two can work it out. Perhaps Jude helps Cardan cope with the stresses of being king and he is able to move past what she did. Or maybe they each realize how impossible their respective situations were and come to accept the questionable decisions the other made.

Madoc is a horrible father. Jude basically knows this from the beginning. Still, she was genuinely upset in discovering what he had done. I’d love to see her finally release all of that pent up anger - either her using Cardan as a sounding board for her rants or even having her completely breakdown under all of the stress and him comforting her.

We get the perspective of Jude throughout the entire book, but I would really enjoy seeing some of the scenes from Cardan’s point of view as his feelings for Jude change.

There is no way that Jude’s sister, Vivienne, wouldn’t be alarmed when finding out that Jude and Cardan kissed. Jude having to explain her changed feelings for Cardan and Vivienne, realizing that Jude is in love would be hilarious and heartwarming.

With the third book coming out soon, feel free to either include or not include elements from it. As long as there is Jude/Cardan, I will be happy.

Nancy Drew (TV 2019):

Characters: Nancy Drew and Ned "Nick" Nickerson

Only one episode in and I was impressed by this show. Up until now, I hadn't seen or read an iteration of Nancy Drew that I didn't enjoy, but I'll admit I was scared as sometimes the CW makes questionable choices with their adaptations. They have done a fantastic job with casting, though, and updating things just enough for the modern era without taking away the charm of the original.

When it boils down to it, Nancy Drew appeals to me because she is unabashedly herself, not ever pretending to be something that she's not to get others to like her. And although it's just getting started, so far the interactions she has with Nick and her father, Carson, are my favorite.

Nancy is a guest on a true-crime podcast featuring amateur detectives. Nick tags along and watches from outside the recording studio in amusement, or perhaps the hosts bring up Nick's criminal past on-air and Nancy gets defensive.

Maybe Nick and Nancy start a true-crime podcast of their own and it's an unexpected hit.

Carson Drew is not 100% onboard with Nancy and Nick's not-so-secret relationship. When Nancy suddenly stops shutting down Carson's attempts to connect with her and Carson finds out it was due to Nick's influence, he changes his tune about his daughter's boyfriend.

The gang goes to an escape room for fun. Nick is amused by how seriously Nancy takes it.

We haven't gotten very far into the season yet, but any speculation fics about where the mystery goes would be interesting as well!

Out-of-left field request: If you're not a fan of Nancy/Nick in the new show, I'd be open to a story where the Hardy Boys arrive in River Heights (I'm not so secretly hoping the CW makes this a TV show if Nancy Drew succeeds). Although I love Nick and Nancy together, I have always loved Nancy/Frank stories as well.

Things I don't like:

Alternate Universes – For the specific fandoms that I picked, I really like the universes as they are. I’m definitely okay with deviations from canon, but please don’t make Peanuts into a supernatural werewolf story or have the fantasy/sci-fi canons take place in a mundane coffee shop setting. (I don’t mind Soulmate AUs or something similar because those can be incorporated into canon with little change to worldbuilding).

Non-Con/Rape/BDSM/Sexual Violence/Graphic Sex – I like my characters to be happy and everything within ships to be 100% consensual, no question about it (mentions of non-con if it occurred in canon is fine). I also prefer plot over porn, especially with one-shots.

OT3s – Two people per romantic relationship, please. Any more than that makes me uncomfortable.

Character Bashing - Unless a character is a bad guy in canon, I don’t want to read hundreds of words about how awful they are, especially if they are one of the characters that I requested. Don’t take it out on the characters. If you hate my pairings, just write gen.

Things I love:

Hurt/Comfort – There is nothing I love more than one character comforting another. The hurt can be physical, psychological, or both.  

Happy Endings – I’m all for the realistic endings… but if they could be plausible AND happy-ish, that would be amazing.

Expanded Scenes/Contorting Canon – Feel free to expand scenes and change up the canon to your heart’s content as long as it makes logical sense.

Humor/Banter/Snark – I thrive on this stuff.

Bonding/Building Relationships – Whether it be a friendship or a romantic relationship, I adore reading about two people growing closer together. When characters know each other so well that they can have conversations with just their eyes or anticipate the person’s next move (especially if it’s to the surprise/confusion of everyone around them), my shipper heart is thrilled.

Dark to Light – Seeing a character come out of a bad mindset or situation and get better is so satisfying.

Thanks again and happy writing!

- Maddy @mustlovemustypages (on Tumblr, Ao3, and FF.net)

[ain-t-bovvered]

14x14 Commentary

Special episode where a bunch of tired and caffeinated Europeans ( plus a sleepy American) scream together, and then die and try to get on with their day ( lol AS IF)

Hello and welcome:

@purpleskiesandcherrypies  (Nat)

@dean-winchesters-bacon  (Kat)  good night babe

@waywardbaby  (Zee)

@ain-t-bovvered  (Giulia)

1 2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12  13

Giulia: Splash

14x14 Ouroboros

Zee: Can’t relive this. With Jack

Nat: I cry

Zee&Giu: I believe in us

Nat: Fuck this

Giulia: Ok sam

Zee: I do believe in us

Giulia: I ain’t got enough coffee in my blood

Zee: The end?? How dare he?

AAAND HERE WE ARE

[ Retro French pop music plays ] IS THIS A THING NOW?

Nat: Uhh...Mexico, Ellaaaa

Zee: Giuls, thoughts??

I see no wrongdoing here. The pasta is being dump into the water while it’s boiling. Garlic! YUM. That looks like too much sauce for that much pa- let’s be honest here, once can never be have too much sauce who cares. Ok I see olive oil, yellow bell pepper ( which is the best one ok) , garlic, onions, zucchini, and I think there’s parmigian cheese and *disgusted sound* cilantro, and a body....

Nat: Well, isn't that tasty

Giulia: ...I’M HUNGRY

Zee: Strike that

Nat: Fresh liver

Giulia: THE CILANTRO GUYS ! YUCK

[SIZZLES]

Nat: NO

Oh he’s making like fried liver, that was not cheese but grated bread ok ok I see you THAT LOOKS TASTY( you forgot the flour tho ok)

Nat: I'm more grossed out by the liver than the snake

Zee: Excuse me while I barf

Theeeey’re HEEEEEERE

Nat: Ohhh... babes

Zee: Shut. The. Fuck. Up

Giulia: those look tasty too

Creepy motherfucker , who is weirdly making me tingling with his cooking skill, : time to go Felix.

Giulia&Nat: A SNACK FOR LATER

Giulia: I WISH

Nat: NO How about no, He just left his meal cooking. Could burn the house down

Giulia: yeah real rude. Killing people and burning houses down

Nat: Mmmhh...snack

Giulia: Omg Jack’s plaid coat. Jack has amazing coats game y’all.

Nat: snacks

Zee: Three of them

oh...now they are all 4 of them ?

Nat: all of them,  well, no except one

Zee: Jack is a baby

Dean has a surprisingly soft steps. 

C: Oh no

I know Cass baby, that bitch fucked up a perfectly good pasta that’s what he did.

Giulia: Dean is us

D: Yeah who just let themselves be eaten?

Giulia: I’d let myself be eaten by you 

D: My money is on witchcraft.

R: Och, you, always blaming witches

D: Cause a lot of times is witches

Rowena basically : I was minding my glorious business when you whiny bitches called to beg for my help

D: Well we’ve been chasing this guy for weeks. What’s your point

Nat: Awww...Deano calm yo tits

Nat: Dean tossing things is my kink

Zee: Kinks again Nat?

Nat: Can you blame me? I'm FINE

Giulia: Hello castiel

R: Not enough Pantera posters for one.

Dean looking almost amused

Giulia: Coughing jack is my (1) fear

Jack: I’m fINe , I’M NoT dYinG . 

Nat: yeah, right, Jack

Nat: Dean..please!

R: Darling boy, everything means something.

Giulia: Be a dear and bring the snakeskin

Sam and Rowena research date night

R: You say [high pitched voice] ‘oh it’s just some magic and you think I’d leave it at that?’

Nat: Ahh..Sam puffing his chest

R: I’m more curious about how your brother is managing to keep an archangel locked away inside his mind.

S: Because....he’s Dean [read this as Batman]

Giulia&Zee: Dean is dean

Zee&Giulia: He’s fine

Nat: DEAN IS NOT FINE

Zee: Giuls. Shut up

Giulia: Zee 🖕🏻

DATE NIGHT!!

Look at them HAAAAANDS cradling the mug.

D: You know, I got to say, I got a pretty good feeling about bringing Rowena in on this one. I think her and Sam have a chance of cracking it.

me: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

C: They do have many books.

D: Yes, they do.

Zee: Worried husband

C: Hey Dean...

D: I’m fine....

ok ok ok ...I ADORE this shot! you’ll see this often in my feed , just fyi

C: What you're doing, even just sitting here and having a cup of coffee, is a Herculean feat. I can't imagine the willpower

Giulia: hey dean. Oh how I adore how he talks  

WHAT IS THAT LOOK DEAN

[Jack dying in the bathroom]

Giulia: JACK STOP FUCKING COUGHING

[Jack spitting blood] 

me : *stares in the distance, lost in my ptsd vietnam episode*

Zee: Are you really fine?

Nat: NO OF COURSE HE ISN'T

Cas is like.... DONT U LIE TO ME, i have no right to tell you this because of a recent stupid thing I did but DON’T LIE TO MY FACE

WHAT IS THIS LOOOOOOOOOOOOOK 

Zee: That’s what I’m supposed to say

D: ...That’s what we all say

Dean’s like.... yeah ok he can read right through me.

[ starting operation ‘ let’s lower our walls’ in 3....]

[....2......]

[......1...]

Giulia: Still even more convinced that they will use michael grace on jack

Giulia: Those eye lines are ruining me

D: There's this pounding in my head. It never stops. 

Castiel’s face:

D:  Michael's in there, and he is fighting hard to get out.

D: And I can't let my guard down... not for a second.

Me: I’ll cheer to that bro

C:  Well, that is not sustainable.

Giulia: THIS SHOW IS NOT SUSTAINABLE

D: ....It's on me.

Nat: IT'S NOT FUCKING ON YOU 

C: We are here to help you.

me: *SOBS*

D: I know that, and I appreciate that. I do.

[JACK STILL DYING IN THE BATHROOM]

Nat: fuck this

Zee: That kid is gonna die in the fucking bathroom

Giulia: U FUCKER STOP

Nat: IF... IF.... IF

D: If you don’t ....

THIS LOOKS ARE KILLING ME

D: We still have plan B

Nat: Fuck plan B

Giulia: NO ONE LIKES PLAN B

Zee: Coffin Ocean Done

Nat: NOT even plan B likes Plan B

Jack’s like : yo you finished with the eye fucking and feelings sharing so I don’t feel embarrassed by you two in public? 

Castiel’s like : I’m out with two problematic kids who don’t tell me nothing

Nat: EVERYBODY'S FINE

Dean:

Giulia: We are fiNe

C: Okay, um...these killings -- it seems like there's a ritualistic quality to the crime scenes, right? It's almost liturgical.

Zee: Greek there for ya

Giulia: thank you Mr.Portokalos 

D: Ah yeah. See that one I knew.

Dean...you cute fucker I swear

J: Anyone who could do this is a monster...I mean, even if they're human.

D: Looks like Sam and Rowena have something

Nat: Sam and Rowena have something wink wink

THEY DOOOOO ? (͠≖ ͜ʖ͠≖)

D: This is like an A.V. Club presentation.

Giulia: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH

J: What's an A.V. Club?

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH

C: It's a special group for people who do not play sports.

Giulia: I love the av club, where do I sign in?

Dean points at Cas “He’s the av club” [insert Oprah gif]

Giulia: IM DEAD

also how does Cas knows that? was that included in Metatron’s pop culture packet?

Nat: Of course he'll know

Zee: Jack is precious

R: Excuse me, boys, but this is a bit more pressing than your hilarious banter.

Excuse me Rowena , nothing is more pressing than their hilarious banter

CAS WHAT ARE U DOING , CONTROL YOUR EYEBROW

Giulia: clash of the titans. (Not gonna lie, I almost wrote clash of the tits). Just fyi

Zee&Nat: Of course you did

R: You know about Medusa?.

I’m sorry but....everyone knows about Medusa.  Ok ok this was mainly for the giggles and all because, you bet your ass that Dean would know who the fuck Medusa was, STOP MAKING DEAN THIS DUMB WHEN IT’S NOT REALISTIC.

Giulia: How caffeine is working

Nat: Because why else should the writers write this episode

Nat: Definitely...anything you want. Get on your knee. lol

Giulia: ...ooooh i can smell all the meta from here

Nat: They all gay for dick

Well Nat I guess….I mean... ...well that’s...that’s the goal

Giulia: U would all be gay for them

Nat: you not wrong

Giulia: MMMMMM

Nat: UHHHH FBI FBI

Zee: Fucking hell

Giulia: FBI FBI FBI

Nat&Giula: IS THIS AMUSING TO YOU?

Now turned on and scared Guy : No SIR

Cas: 

yeah that’s right call me Sir

Nat: Psycho penpal

Y’all my psycho text pals tho

Nat: you're not his type

Giulia: BITCH IM EVERYBODY’s TYPE

R:For the record, I don't love being included on his little hit list.

S: Apparently he can’t see angels

J: I’m not an angel

D: Close enough

C: So, if Jack and I approach Noah on our own, we -- we may surprise him.

Giulia: ABORT I DON T LIKE THAT PLAN

Zee: Happily surprised moose

Giulia: i’d get sloppy....( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Zee: I’m here for Sam’s short shirt

I’m here for them short of clothes 

R: I HAVE A PLAN

Giulia: WEE DOGGIE

Nat: OMG

Giulia: IS THAT JACK

Nat: THAT DOG IS SO SMALL IN SAM'S ARM

S: We -- We think he might have eaten something.

R: "We think"? "We think"? He means that it's my fault for not keeping an eye on the poor dear. He thinks that everything is my fault.

S: Can we not fight in front of the vet?

S: I mean, I guess it's not entirely your fault that you looked away!

R: He blames me for everything! I let his mother ride the Jet Ski one time!

WHAT IS THIS? AM I DEAD AND IN FANFIC TROPES PARADISE?

Nat: Wee Jackie Boy

Giulia: I CAN T

Zee: Sam got a dog and it’s his “son”

S: What are you doing?

R: Oh, I mean, I realize it's not...[Deep voice ]...pretending to be the FBI. [Normal voice] But there are other ways of doing things, Samuel. Plus...I thought my performance was quite magnificent.

Giulia: I NEED THOSE TWO TO FUCK 

Zee: The thermometer

Giulia: i bet he liked being a dog 

Giulia: *seeing just now Zee’s thermometer text*  THIS IS HORRIBLE TIMING

Nat: Did Jack just get something in his ass for this

Nat: YES

Zee: SO YES

J: Just wish I could've got it before she took my temperature.

Giulia: ...he took one for the team.

R: Oh, uh, a moment, Samuel. What did you do to that boy?

R: It's volatile magic, powerful, and it's stitched to him like some kind of parasite.I was curious before, but now I am worried, so I'll ask you again, Sam What did you do?

I can’t believe Rowena is lecturing Sam, and being right too

R: using dangerous, mysterious magic, regardless of the cost, that's a very on-brand me thing to do.

Nat: She's still so much shorter than him standing on the curb

Zee: Everyone is shorter than him

R: Of course, Samuel. Until very recently, I was the villain.

So I ordered this SamWitch extra spicy I guess.

Giulia: I REALLY NEED THOSE TWO TO GET IT OUT OF THEIR SYSTEM

Meanwhile scarred Jack :

Nat: That guy is creepy

Giulia: He’s so flamboyant loves every minute of it

Zee: That gorgon is a total bitch

Noah: "Helpless men" -- that's rich. No, I do eat ladies, too, but women have become so cautious lately. Must be all that finally waking up from centuries of misogynistic oppression. Good for them. Bad for you.

Nat: Ok but I like that

D: But if we cut off their head, then is more creatures gonna crawl out?

Ok but ...hey...legit question

....sam...

SAM

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?

knock first , kick doors later

Zee: Enter the angel of the lord

Noah a bit turned on and scared

Nat: does he do anything else

Nat: NO fair

Noah : demi-god actually

Zee: I’m a lover not a fighter

Nat: THEN LOVE HIM

Giulia: I DON'T LIKE THIS STORY

Nat: Slapping

Zee: Oh he didn’t

Nat: NO cas

#mood  #same

Nat: wHAT

Giulia: NO , WHAT

Zee: Real pleasure

Giulia: OH SAMMY IS HANGRY

Zee: Why is he kicking their asses?

Giulia: Stop making him bump his head

Nat: MICHAEL CAN GET OUT

Zee: Fuck yeah

Giulia: YAS JACK BABY

Zee: My baby is hurt

Giulia: ALL MY BABIES ARE HURT

Zee: Swallow Cas

Zee dON’T BE NASTY

Giulia: OH CAS KNOWS

Nat: I can't even see

this is painful 

Zee: Look how precious jack is

Nat: Dean's still too tall for the bed

Giulia: IM ANXIOUS . CAS IS ANGRY

Nat: POOR JACK THO?

Sam asking Rowena what to do is making me weak.

JESUS

Giulia: GOD DAMN IT. I CHOKED . that was scary

Nat: that's what she said

Nat: Cas wants to make up for it

Giulia: THERE ARE TOO MANY THINGS HAPPENING

[VIDEO] because I’m a sucker for these moments and you need to appreciate them more.

Giulia: We do too Jack

Zee: Special humans

Nat: sometimes we forget that too

Zee: Humans burn bright

Giulia: They are still human

Giulia: For a very brief time

Zee: He have to carry on

Nat: WE WILL NOT CARRY ON

Giulia: DAMN CAS

Nat: wHAT'S THE POINT

Nat: Jack has it right

Giulia: JACK IS RIGHT

Zee: It will hurt

Nat: Stop talking like that CAs

This scene is one of the best one , I can’t 

Nat: CASSSSSSSSS

Zee: Can Cas shut up already?

Giulia: IM CRYING

Giulia: MY GOD CAS

Nat: Jack calm yo tits

Giulia: JACK STOP SPIRALLING

Giulia: He s keeping the snake . LUCIFER SON IS KEEPING THE SNAKE. I DON T LIKE IT

OH....SOMEONE IS AWAKE

Nat: NO . WHAT STOP

Giulia: what is th

Zee: He woke up alright

 I KNOW WHERE I AM

Giulia: The screaming

Zee: He out

Nat: He's gone?

Giulia: OH NO. I DON T TRUST IT

Nat: NO

Giulia: DEAN DON’T PANIC

Giulia: OH SHIT

Nat: WHAT IS GOING ON

Giulia: OH FUCK

Nat: WELP MAGGIE IS GONE

Giulia: FUCK

Nat: WHAT THE FUCK

Giulia: DEAN BREATHE

Zee: Shut the fuck up

Nat: SHIT

Giulia: OH SHIT

Nat: DO YOU STILL WANT THEM TO BONE?

Nat: Michael!Rowena x Sam

Giulia: NOT NOW NAT!

Nat: SHUT UP NAT

Giulia: SHUT UP NAT .i can t watch this

Nat: Always taunting him. "come on sam, you can go harder than that, boy" .OH GOD SHUT UP NAT

Nat: FUCK YOU MICHAEL I HATE HIM SO MUCH

Zee: I fucking love him

M: It didn’t work out. It was him, not me.

Michael making promises.....DOESN’T WORK.

R: I’ll live either way

Zee: Sam is gonna off me

R: ..which makes dinner a little awkard

Giulia: GUYS I CAN T WATCH THIS

Nat: Fuck this

Nat: I'M HURT

Giulia: IM HURTING

Nat: how can americans watch it with commercial breaks?

M: Burning off your soul? You'll run out soon enough.

Giulia: i have no idea what to do

Giulia: How dare u

M: I am the commander of the host!   I am the cleanser of worlds!  I will not be challenged by a child!

You are a drama queen , that’s what you are

Nat: Of course

J: I'm not a child! I'm the son of Lucifer. I'm a Hunter. I am a Winchester!

Giulia: JACK

Zee&Nat: I am a Winchester

Nat: OH did he just swallowed Michael's grace

nat doN’T BE NASTY

Giulia: JACK IS GOING IN THAT BOX JACK IS SO GOING IN THAT BOX

J: Michael is dead

I don’t trust it

Nat: OH WINGS

Nat: I'm confused

Giulia: I DON T LIKE THIS

[after credits comments]

Giulia: PROMO. NOW

Giulia: AHAHAHA

Zee: What??!!

Giulia: NEXT EP IS GONNA BE FUN

Nat: I'm confused

Nat: Someone hold me

Zee: There there pats your back

Giulia: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT EP. IT JUST HURT ALL THE TIME .i’m sweating

Nat: I have no idea and I didn't like it

Zee: Hello. Are you new to SPN ?

Nat: What Michael is dead? Are we supposed to believe that?

Zee: No

Giulia: Jack worries me tho. And ya know the last ep of the season is called “Jack in the box”

Zee: Don’t go there

Giulia: How I cannot

Zee: Don’t know. Just don’t

Giulia: FUCK EVERYTHING THAT WAS A ROLLERCOASTER AND IM STILL ON IT

Zee: You’ll never get off

Giulia: That what he said

Zee: Stop it

Giulia: Fuck u all

And fuck spn

And dean

And sam

And cas

And fucking jack

I can t

*throw tables out the window*

.

.

.

If you want to get tagged in the future ones send an ask HERE or to @waywardbaby or a smoke signal, idk whatever I’m tired af.

TAGS: @wayward-angelgirl @destiel-honeypie     @mariekoukie6661     @dragontamerm      @closetspngirl   @rainflowermoon    @mattiecat      @bunnybaby121115  @aliaitee2   @jacks-word-of-the-day    @4evamc      @dammitsammy    @legendary-destiel  @winchesterprincessbride   @destielhoneybee   @castiellover20  @jacks-word-of-the-day @ravenhg @evvvissticante 

[summerseachild]

I also powerwatched GoT Season 2...

I stopped pretending I was only going to have three things to say about each episode.  

2x01

1. Sandor backing Sansa’s “it’s bad luck to kill someone on your birthday” play is SMOOTH. He has her back and I kind of love it????

2. BRAN WARGING! Back when this show cared about magical/fantasy elements that weren’t the dragons.

3. Ugh Theon’s idealism when he offers to go to his family for Robb stabs me right through the heart. (Also he likes calling Robb “Your Grace” A LOT and it makes me cackle and then want to go read fic.)

2x02

1. Cersei asking after Jaime while everyone else looks awkward gives me joy.

2. Gilly!!!! She’s so darling. And so is Sam. And Jon’s “Hello Gilly. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” makes me giggle. What stellar delivery.

3. Theon returning to Pyke is so sad and the castle on Pyke looks SO COOL. (And Yarra keeping a straight face during that horse ride makes me smile just as much as Balon Greyjoy makes me furious.)

4. Bonus: Gendry telling Arya he knows she’s a girl is precious. In fact every second they are on screen are so cute it should be illegal.

5. Bonus bonus: John saw a white walker (Or was that a wight?) Pick up a baby at Craster’s in SEASON FUCKING TWO. How did they so thoroughly fuck up that arc?

2x03

1. This episode was written by Bryan Cogman and directed by Alik Sakharov; which means I was going to love it because Cogman cared a lot about the story and the books, and Sakharov did one of my favorite director commentaries I’ve ever listened to.

2. Brienne’s intro is so great. She is such SERIOUS BUSINESS. Renly genuinely smiling and being happy to have her around :....( he would have been a good king.

3. THEON’S FACE WHEN HE SAYS YOUR LAST BOY JUST LEAVE ME HERE also THAT SHOT OF THEON HIS FACE LIT BY THE BURNING LETTER AND ALL ELSE IN DARKNESS AKDHWISJHSJJSSHSJ CINEMATOGRAPHY AND DIRECTING

4. Bonus: I remember how cute Gethin and Loras’s actor were about Loras and Renly and it gives me warm fuzzies

5. Bonus bonus: Yoren giving Arya the idea that will become her list is a nice moment and A GIRL IS CLEVER telling them Gendry was the dead boy!

2x04: one of the only episodes written by a woman!

1. Ok I love Lannister soldiers playing “who is GOAT?” before Greywind attacks.

2. I’m sorry all the blood just rushed to my eyes because I saw red during the scene with Joffrey having Sansa beaten in front of EVERYONE.

3. Catelyn Stark angrily brandishing a knife at Littlefinger when he’s all “I’ve always loved yoooooouuu” is A Big Mood.

4. Davos “WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST SEE” Seaworth, ladies, gentlemen, and honored folk....

2x05

1. Catelyn keeping her cool and being smart under pressure and keeping Brienne alive is some A++ women helping women stuff.

2. The room with all the latticework where Cersei and Tyrion talk is SO PRETTY. And Tyrion is... actually trying to do right by the city and his family. It’s sad, really.

3. I’d forgotten how much I liked Dagmer for actually helping Theon rather than just making fun of him for a lack of knowledge that isn’t his fault.

4. I remember there was some debate having Arya as Tywin’s cupbearer since it was a pretty major change to the books, but it gave us some great interactions between two super talented actors, and those scenes are... mostly(??) in character and reveal interesting things about them, so I’m on the side of “I love it.”

5. Wow, but the Fist of the First Men is beautiful. And I love Sam’s love of history and how it lets him do world building in an endearing way.

6. Brienne swearing to Catelyn literally just brought tears to my eyes.

2x06

1. Bran’s “Did you hate us the whole time?” to Theon is a moment that will have me in tears every time I hear it. Let’s just pretend I’ve flailed about every upsetting second Theon is on screen and how many awards Alfie deserves and call it a day.

2. Arya’s OH SHIT face when she hears that Littlefinger is about to come into the room... priceless.

3. Sandor Clegane is an Incredibly Useful Person.

4. I know he’s really different from the books, but Xaro Xhoan Daxos is so handsome and INTERESTING in the show, and Qarth is SO PRETTY. Like the clothes the sets... everything.

5. Probably Dyslexic Jaime is one of my favorite little touches the show added, and Tywin’s reaction to it was... very him.

6. Ygritte’s Wildling flirting is... both hilarious and adorable. Jon never knew what hit him.

2x07

1. Dany’s WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS? Iconic, and understandable given that they are three of the rarest things on earth.

2. Shae being willing to knife a girl to keep Sansa’s secret. Friendship goals. Also the following conversation between Cersei and Sansa is nuanced and breaks my heart. Anyone who says Cersei is 100% evil didn’t watch this scene carefully enough.

3. Jaime talking about squiring for Barristan Selmy and how much he loves fighting is a good way to show us that when we can’t be in his head. (Also is this the same fight he was talking about in season 1 in Robert’s office with Barristan? I think it is...)

4. Quaithe was super cool and mysterious and I wish we knew more about her, and Pyatt Pree was CREEPY AS FUCK how did I forget that he killed the 13?

5. Oh right because there’s a Jaime scene next and somehow Brienne makes “Man” the worst insult ever and she is magical.

6. Also that Cersei and Tyrion scene at the end KILLS ME. “I always hoped he’d be like Jaime...” also she voices doubts in the show WAY MORE than book!Cersei does. But... Lena and Peter make it real and complicated.

7. SO MANY VOWS. I still love everything about this. And Jaime trying to press EVERY ONE of Catelyn’s buttons is... amusing as always.

1x08

1. Wherever Robb and Talisa are walking on the way back from the Crag is SO PRETTY I just want to pitch a tent and camp there for a week.

2. Jaime falling off a horse and introducing himself to Brienne like she doesn’t know who he is WHAT AN ASSHOLE I LOVE HIM. This is the beginning of a BEAUTIFUL ROAD TRIP.... Canoe trip?

3. I want to eat a pie with sour cherries like Hot Pie is describing....

4. Bronn and Tyrion trying and failing to pronounce that historian’s name is SO FUNNY to me right now. This show used to be good at balancing little character moments and Serious Business.

5. Jacqen H’Ghar is clearly asking himself how a man got himself into this situation with this strange girl.

6. Robb and Roose Bolton talking about hunting Theon down gives me the stomach lurches.

7. Robb Stark makes ROmanTiC BuT pooR LiFE ChOIceS

2x09: it’s BLACKWATER TIME! Huzzah for ships and sea battles!

1. Cersei getting the poison from Pycelle stops my heart a bit.

2. We get to hear a bit of “The Rains of Castamere” for the first time!

3. Nearly died laughing at Varys’ “I’ve always hated the bells.” ME AND YOU AND THE WHOLE FANDOM, MY FRIEND.

4. I still LOVE THE CLEVERNESS OF TYRION’S PLAN. And the suspense... so good. “There’s only one ship...” Bronn firing the arrow and it hitting the water ALL OF IT.

5. Increasingly drunk Cersei is cruel and tragic and funny and I love her so much my heart doesn’t know what to do.

6. “Awwww pooR Sandor” is a reaction I NEVER thought I’d have about his little moment of paralysis after seeing the burning soldier but we never step in the same river twice and all that, and this time around I def had that reaction. And cheered at “fuck the King” for SANDOR’s sake.

7. I’ve said this before but PODRICK PAYNE FOR SQUIRE OF THE CENTURY

8. oh hai Renly’s ghost and dad Lannister (Daddister?)

2x10: Valar Morghulis, BITCHES

1. Tywin’s horse shitting just outside the throne room because Tywin needed to ride it in for some reason is the line of Lannister Extra (tm) that makes me love this awful family.

2. Show Margaery Tyrell is a devious Player of the Game, and I am enjoying that this time around. (Also I see shades of Anne Boleyn in the Tudors, and that was a performance I enjoyed.)

3. Jaime WATCHES Brienne all the time, like he’s trying to figure her out, and then making up that story on a DIME, and the two of them trying to sell it... FRENEMY GOALS.

4. If people watch the scene with Theon and Maester Luwin and think Theon deserved what he got, they are dumb. My poor identity crisis in kraken from... (Also thank you subtitles for telling me WEX IS THERE? I love him in the books but I’m sure they just used that name without attaching it to someone.)

5. So in the books the House of the Undying was SO CREEPY I had to stop reading because it was too late at night and I was too freaked out and I WAS IN MY 30S! So the way they did it here was just so underwhelming. Yet more proof that the producers didn’t buy into or value the parts of the story that were too “fantasy.” Did Pyatt Pree just... not know dragons breathed fire? Or did he thing they were too little? Idk that seemed a stupid plan he had.

6. I’m fine just crying over Maester Luwin like I didn’t know he died.

7. In the final episode, if we get a shot of the throne room in the red keep looking like Dany’s vision... but with ash instead of snow... at least it’ll be a bit of continuity.

8. That third horn blast still gave me chills on a warm day. Well done, season 2.

[mst3kproject]

605: Colossus and the Headhunters

I usually find the Hercules/Maciste episodes of MST3K to be pretty good fun, and as you could probably tell from the number of similar films I’ve used as Episodes that Never Were, I do enjoy the genre.  It was therefore a surprise to realize I hadn’t seen Colossus and the Headhunters in literally years, and I wondered why not.  The answer?  I think it’s because it’s honestly kind of dull.

As the movie begins, some unfortunate cave people are crushed when a volcano showers them in styrofoam boulders.  Whether they have anything to do with the more Greco-Roman folks we see in the speaking roles, I don’t know – but mere moments after young Ario’s dying father charges him with finding their people a new home, Maciste shows up!  He leads them to his raft on the beach, and they set sail as the whole island falls apart. I hope that wasn’t supposed to be Atlantis.  It wasn’t nearly impressive enough to be Atlantis.

Anyway, they decide to head for the land of the Uriels, where there’s supposed to be a city of gold.  Some undetermined amount of time later, they get there, but there’s no golden city waiting for them, just a tribe of guys in kerchiefs who shoot Maciste and take everybody else prisoner.  This is merely a misunderstanding, however – these are the Uriels, whose city of gold was taken over by the evil Kermes with the help of his following of Headhunters! At first Maciste isn’t interested, since he doesn’t want to take on a new project until he’s done saving the island people, but when the Headhunters attack the Uriel camp, he can’t just leave them to be slaughtered.

I love the name Kermes. It sounds like something you’d get if The Muppet Show put on a sketch about Greek mythology.  Mighty Gonzeus rules Olympus, with his brother Fozzeidon and his messenger Kermes! Actually, there are a lot of amusing names in this one.  If the hero is My Cheesesteak, then the deposed king is Honey Badger, and IMDB insists there’s a character named Gunk.

There are a number of other rather cynical observations I find myself making while watching this movie.  One is that, despite the fact that nearly all the cavemen we saw killed in the opening were male, there seem to be at least twice as many men as women among the refugees – both the island people and the Uriels.  This could be a problem for both groups.

Then there’s the fact that the movie can’t make up its mind just how strong Maciste is. When he’s shot by an arrow he pulls it out and then just walks away despite the blood pouring down his chest, and in scenes no more than a day or so later, he’s completely healed.  Yet just two or three opponents can keep him busy enough to allow Kermes and his toady to escape?  But wait, in the final battle he takes on ten at a time with ease? He couldn’t bend the metal bars of a portcullis, but he finds his way into the prison chamber beyond by punching through a stone wall?  And how the hell did he miss the giant lever that raises the portcullis, anyway?

The dialogue is remarkably inane.  Most of the lines seem to be things like, “don’t worry, it’ll be all right,” “we’re being defeated,” and “be quiet.”  The English dubbing is half-assed at best, never matching the lip movements and voiced without enthusiasm.  The costumes are ridiculous.  Most of the island people wear brightly patterned loincloths.  The Uriel priest wears a diaper on his head and Amoa sports a series of silly costumes, some of which she has visible trouble walking in.

When I reviewed Goliath and the Vampires, I noted that Maciste movies were rarely in continuity with each other – this is a fine example.  It was made by the same director as Fire Monsters Against the Son of Hercules just a year later, and in fact the opening volcanic eruption is lifted from the earlier movie.  In Fire Monsters Against the Son of Hercules, Maciste was played by a guy named Reg Lewis, who walked off into the sunset with Princess Moa at the end.  In Colossus and the Headhunters, our hero is Kirk Morris, who leaves at the end with a different girl.  No attempt is made to even pretend the two stories happen in the same universe. Indeed, Colossus and the Headhunters might almost be a remake!

Consider: both stories concern a group of refugees who aren’t much welcome in their new home.  The locals are ruled by a usurper, aided by members of a third tribe rather more savage than the other two, while the deposed queen quietly refuses to marry him. Maciste is able to bring about peace between the two groups by saving them both from disaster, and at the end the queen runs off with him instead of taking her place as ruler, I guess because girls would rather give blow jobs than orders.

If Colossus and the Headhunters is just a second stab at Fire Monsters Against the Son of Hercules, then we should probably ask if it’s any better. Well… sort of.  There are no terrible felt monsters in this one, and the things that go on are slightly less ridiculous, but in a way that actually hurts the movie.  If you read my review of Fire Monsters Against the Son of Hercules, you’ll remember that it was bad enough to be downright hilarious.  Colossus and the Headhunters has significantly less in it that’s over-the-top enough to be funny.  There are breathing corpses, plastic skeletons, and a cosmetology class’ mannequin head on top of a pole, but it’s not quite corny enough to get a laugh. People topple off a rope bridge into a river, but they’re not dramatic enough to be funny (though Maciste’s reaction to getting hit with an arrow is pretty close).  The dubbing is bad, but not amusing-bad, and so on.

In a couple of others ways, Colossus and the Headhunters is significantly worse, for example in its portrayal of cultures.  In Fire Monsters Against the Son of Hercules, the Sun and Moon tribes were quite simplistic but they were internally consistent and you could sort of see how each one worked.  In Colossus and the Headhunters we meet three different peoples, none of whom even come close to that.  The island people, of course, we barely see – they flee their homeland and then most of them vanish while only Ario accompanies Maciste to save the Uriels.  The headhunters are stock savages in briefs and warpaint, so the only ones we get to see very much of are the Uriels themselves.

We don’t exactly see them at their best, of course – their golden city is in ruins and the remnants of their people are hiding in the woods or living in tents in a field.  What we do see, however, is a weird mix of motifs that never manages to gel.  There are Grecoey-Romany elements, particularly in the costumes, but the artefacts range from the pseudo-medieval to the pseudo-Aztec, while many of the names (such as Amoa) sound almost Polynesian. Then there’s stuff like the ridiculous purple tutu Amoa’s handmaiden (her name is Moana, and the last time I watched this episode was so long ago that wasn’t funny yet) wears to dance at her mistress’ wedding, which doesn’t belong in any sort of ancient past.

Also, Fire Monsters Against the Son of Hercules was actually about its two peoples and what happened when they found themselves competing for resources.  In Colossus and the Headhunters, the island people who are first to be introduced are ultimately irrelevant.  For most of the story they’re off hiding somewhere while Maciste takes time out to help the Uriels.  Only Prince Ario sticks around, and he never does anything of importance.  Why are they even in this movie?  The only thing that would be missing without them is about fifteen minutes of screen time.

There’s no shortage of things that time could have been better spent exploring.  For example, they could have thrown in some actual development to the romance between Amoa and Maciste, which comes out of nowhere. He is captured and brought to her tent, where she tells him about the prophecy that a man will come from the sea to solve all the Uriels’ problems.  Maciste protests that he can only save one civilization at a time, and Amoa calls him a coward.  The next time she sees him is after he came back to save her father, and she immediately confesses her undying love.  I guess he’s been kind of heroic by then, but even before that she’s talking about him to her handmaiden and implying she’s already in love with him.

At the end, Amoa swims out to Maciste’s little raft and heads off to sea with him, even as he begs her to stay behind.  This isn’t the ending we want for Amoa – after Kermes earlier mocked her by telling her he was the only one who could give her a throne, and that the ‘delicate shoulders of a woman’ could not bear the burden of rule, we want to see her take her rightful place as Queen of the Uriels.  Other characters nod sagely and say she might be back someday, but it’s still kind of a letdown, as if Kermes was right and girls just aren’t up to the job of politics.

My overall feeling about Colossus and the Headhunters is that it’s pretty blah.  It’s neither good enough nor bad enough to be entertaining – the MST3K commentary livened it up a lot, but without it, it’s not really worth the effort.  This one really needed a couple of guys in cheap monster suits to liven it up.

[4pondsinabox]

Summer 2018 TV Binge Ranking

I use the term “Binge” lightly, since I’m not used to watching a lot of tv at once. Anyways, starting out this summer I realized the number of my active fandoms had significantly decreased, which I needed to fix asap. Luckily, not only did I have more time than usual to watch some television, but I also had access to a Netflix account for once, so I went right to work. The following shows were picked from various gifsets, edits, fanarts etc. on Tumblr and Instagram, so for those of you I follow who post occasional stuff that don’t pertain to the main fandom I follow you for, you probably had some influence on my list. Because of this, I figured it might be useful for anyone else looking for a new show to watch to have some kind of ranking, though I realize different people have different tastes. You will notice though that none of these shows are long-running, so it’ll be pretty easy to jump right on board any of them. These are ranked purely on my enjoyment of them and how much I looked forward to seeing the next episode, NOT the actual overall quality. 

1. Legends of Tomorrow

“You’ve got to be joking” Nope. No I am not. Ok, the first season is really rough. Like, extremely rough. But the show finds its footing by season 2 and becomes essentially the American version of Doctor Who (aka my favorite show of all time). Time travel? Check. Sentient Time Ship? Check. A good blend of hilarity and touching moments? Check. Badass bisexual queen (who was trained to kill people)? Check. The list goes on. It’s extremely enjoyable, particularly when you need a good laugh, I really looked forward to every episode post-series 1. I would almost recommend skipping the first season altogether but there are a few important backstories for the characters that might make some later moments confusing. You don’t really need to have watched other Arrowverse shows to understand what’s going on and, aside from 2 crossover specials, there’s hardly a connection at all. Legends is also pretty diverse, although it would be nice to add a few more women to balance out the man-heavy team. Otherwise, their “dysfunctional family” dynamic is, quite frankly, hilarious and the overflow of pop-culture references (there’s a whole episode where they have to convince George Lucas to return to the movie industry because of his films’ influence on history) made my geek heart so happy. My biggest critique is the show’s use of the “only white boys are nerds” trope because, while I love these two particular characters, I would really love to find another show where the women aren’t always “sensible and non-geeky.”

2. Black Lightning

I don’t think I can put into words how wonderfully heartwarming this show is. I have seen one too many shows with dysfunctional families, so watching the Pierces grow and work through their issues in a healthy way was just … so important to me. Literally all of them are beautiful, flawed but well rounded characters that I would fight for. Also, Lynn and Jefferson? Freaking adorable and couples goals (Also ironically the names of my aunt and uncle). Anissa was born to be a superhero. She never had a moment of calling like most do because she was already an activist and her reaction to her powers is extremely believable. So is Jennifer’s. She’s 16 and wants nothing more than an average life. I completely relate to their sibling relationship (I, too, frequently borrow my sister’s stuff). It’s a bit darker than Legends but that doesn’t mean there aren’t plenty of light moments to go around. Needless to say, this is another wonderfully diverse show. Aside from focusing on a healthy, black family, the fact that Anissa’s a lesbian isn’t made out to be a big deal. The underlying commentary on black incarceration and other racism issues is very poignant and eye-opening, as someone who’s not a part of that community. I don’t feel like I can say much on the actual superhero aspects of it, since I generally don’t watch DC or Marvel stuff (previous mentioned show aside) because the amount of fighting overwhelms the plot and characters for me, but I thought this show had a good balance of superhero-y moments  and touching character moments. It really did feel like a break through in television.

3. Sense 8

Late to the party, I know, but I knew I’d get here eventually. First off, if you opened a dictionary to find the word “diversity,” this show should be underneath it. Every time I think they couldn’t find another way to integrate another identity into it, they proved me wrong. I particularly loved that they trick the audience into thinking they’re setting up yet another love triangle, then are like “Psyche, threesome.” They know modern audiences too well. The characters are fantastic, I have a particular soft spot for Lito Rodriguez. The concept is unique and the camera work is another level (as someone who’s thinking about heading into the film industry, I appreciated that). What threw me off was how graphic the show was. I tend to keep away from television that has copious amounts of sex and blood, largely out of discomfort, so if that stuff triggers you in any way it would be good to steer away from this particular show. I grew accustomed to it as I kept watching but early on I had to take significant breaks between each episode. Luckily, the characters and storyline was interesting enough to keep me coming back. 

5. Dark Angel

Not from Netflix and technically a two part miniseries instead of a full tv show, but I had to include it. Wow. Just wow. I enjoyed Joanne in Downton Abbey but boy I was not prepared for the stellar performance she gave off as Mary Ann Cotton, Britain’s first female serial killer. This is about as dark as television gets, there was hardly a happy moment in the whole thing and yet I was compelled to keep watching. This is quite the accomplishment for any show or film that doesn’t have at least some humor added in to balance it out. The show depicted the difficulty of Victorian women extremely well, and almost made Mary a sympathetic character. Almost. What I admired about this telling was the writing’s ability to do this without glorifying what she did. You can understand her actions without condoning them. Considering how many people Mary was suspected of killing though, there wasn’t as much death as I expected from a serial killer story. Not that I’m complaining. Probably not one I’ll re-watch anytime soon, but I’m definitely glad to have seen it.

5. A Series of Unfortunate Events

Boy, where do I start. This is the one show I started watching without prompting from social media, simply because I had read the first few books when I was younger. Watching this reminded me why I never picked up the other books in the series. It’s not technically a bad show, I did mostly enjoy the first season, it just became so dark and depressing by the second season, even with the bright and comic-y look to the show. I actually think that was a smart decision on the creators part, to include the over-the-top scenery and clothes, because I can’t imagine how much more depressing it would have been if they’d gone with dark tones. The Lemony Snicket dialogue is also amusing, and I appreciate this show for giving Tumblr more dialogue to play around with. On the downside, I wanted to punch literally every adult onscreen. Shows are a bit difficult to watch when you have that kind of reaction to them. At this point, I can’t say if I’ll watch the third season when it comes out or not, as I do generally like to stick with happier shows.

That concludes my summer show review, I tried not to go super in-depth and spoiler-y I hope these thoughts were helpful or, at the very least, an interesting read.